#i think this is a classic case of 'i've seen you stressed i've seen you emotional but i did not give a fuck until i saw you enjoying your ho

[gayofthefae]

Natalia Buddie callout this Marisol Buddie callout that yada yada yada we have been THROUGH this booooring but you know what we haven’t been over?

KAMERON CALLOUT. Give me a hormonal pregnant lady done with their bullshit not even lifting her head from her place in bed as she lazily shouts after Eddie leaves “so is that your boyfriend?”

Same vibes as the pasta. She’s just bored and tired and curious. She has no stake in it whatsoever she just also has no filter. Like if he says no she will move tf on but Buck will be thinking about it constantly and bring it back up with her like he did the couch with Bobby and she’ll have like forgotten she even said anything.

I highkey love my girl Kameron. And I want her and her husband to like be on good terms but also her being still staying with Buck in 7x01 and therefore a larger character is something I would LOVE.

[certaimromance]

𝜗𝜚 Cradle Song.

Spencer Reid x Pregnant!reader

Summary: The situation is complicated when Spencer is trapped in a lab with anthrax and worried about communicating with you and his future child one last time.

Words: 2,4k.

TW: mentions of death, therapy. spoilers for s4 e24 ("amplification"). anthrax. established relationship. angst with a open ending. implication that the baby is a girl. english isn't my first language (sorry for my mistakes, be kind please).

Note: I've seen a lot of sad videos of Spencer with kids, so I had to do this to calm my brain. It's dramatic, but if you've read me before, you know how I am (an extra dramatic and a little cruel girl).

Update: I wrote this after posting my first two one shots here (several months ago), and now I just found the uncorrected text and decided to improve it for posting lol for you to mentally decide if it's a happy or sad ending, because I could never write one that I really liked.

♡ Enjoy! ♡

Your phone rang somewhere in the room, but you had no idea where. In the distance, you could hear the classical symphony by Johannes Brahms that your boyfriend had chosen especially for you, with the excuse that it would calm you and the baby every time it played.

Unfortunately, this time it wasn't helping to calm you down.

After tossing and turning around the room several times, you sat up in bed, completely exhausted and hopeless. That's when you felt the noise nearby and realized that the phone under your pillow was vibrating nonstop. You were about to snort with stress from being so distracted lately, but an automatic smile appeared on your face when you saw that it was a call from Spencer. You hadn't heard from him in several hours, the last being his usual call to wish you a good morning every time he was away on a case.

“I think I'd lose my head if I didn't have it attached to my neck.” Was the first thing you said as you tried to tuck your pillow behind your neck to make yourself more comfortable.

“You've lost your phone again.” You heard him let out a small, weak laugh, followed by a cough that caught your attention and made you frown. “Sorry, I got stuck.” He quickly excused himself.

“Are you okay?”

In response to your question, he looked around the lab where he was confined, focusing on the broken vial of anthrax on the floor that had caused all his problems so far. Reid didn't know how to explain that an ordinary case had turned into a national problem that was taking over his life and future moments with you with every passing second.

And he certainly knew even less how to tell you that this would probably be the last time you would hear from him if the team didn't find a cure soon.

“I'm fine.” He lied immediately, feeling his breathing getting harder and harder. “Really, love.” He tried to reassure you, but he lost his balance and leaned heavily on the counter, his free hand gripping it hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

All you had to do was hear him call you that and your whole world would light up, you could even feel the baby in your belly kicking at the sound of his voice. You smiled as you realized that you were both happy to hear from Spencer after not seeing him for most of the day due to the demands of his job.

Although you've never said it out loud for fear of making him feel guilty, you miss him excessively, and you're always trying to multitask and be productive, so you don't think as much about how much you need him by your side. Especially when dinner time comes and his seat next to you is empty, or when night comes and his side of the bed is cold.

Perhaps it was the pregnancy hormones, but you seemed to have a stronger need for him than ever.

“And how did you feel today? How are my girls? Did she kick a lot today?” The usual questions he asked you every time he was on a long case began to appear. “I need to hear everything.”

“She just kicks a lot when she listens to you and you know it.” You replied, stroking your belly out of laziness. “She’s definitely a daddy's little princess.”

The lump in his throat and all of his fears became more intense and uncontrollable. The tears he had tried to keep from escaping to stay strong and focused began to flow unchecked down his cheeks. Hearing you talk like that, knowing it might be the last time, was killing him much faster than the anthrax itself.

“And what are you doing? All your agent stuff?” You spoke again at his silence, trying to ignore the bad feeling something was giving you. “Are you coming home soon?”

“I don't think that's possible, love.” He replied quickly, his voice hoarse and raspy, the lie slipping from his lips almost too easily. “I'm doing some paperwork, it'll take some time.”

It was the second time he had called you by that nickname in just a few minutes. Something seemed a little off, as he only used it when he wanted to calm you down. You knew him too well to miss it.

“Oh, okay.” You said it in a way that showed you were a little disappointed.

Spencer was about to try to comfort you when he suddenly felt the cough return to his throat and he put a hand over his mouth to stop it. It was no use, the cough shook his whole body, spinning him around and making him pant in between. He tried to cover the phone with his hand so that the sounds coming out of his mouth would not be heard, but it was useless. The hacking cough seemed to tear at his lungs, leaving him breathless, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes, and he could only hope you didn't hear it, because the last thing he wanted to do was worry you. He knew it would hurt you and the baby.

“Are you sure you're okay? Maybe you should drink some water. It sounds pretty bad.”

He tried to answer you right away, but the cough took over and prevented him from speaking. He gripped the phone tightly, struggling to breathe, trying to force his lungs to stop spasming. And when he finally stopped coughing, he managed to speak, his voice cracking and rather hoarse.

“Yes, I'm fine. It's probably just a cold.” He lied again, breathing shakily. “But it’s nothing so bad.”

“Take care of yourself, don't let it get worse.”

If only you knew that there was no way to make it worse, that it was already at its worst point and unlikely to improve.

“I will, don't worry.” He tries to sound convincing, but his voice comes out rough and raw, and he has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from coughing again. “Just focus on you and the baby, okay? I'll be fine.”

He spoke again so quickly that it was difficult to think of an appropriate response.

“Could you do something for me, love?”

“Of course, I'll do whatever you need.” You reply, feeling a little perplexed by the urgency in his voice.

There was a long, awkward silence after you answered, and you could feel your mind racing with worst-case scenarios. You had a feeling that Spencer was holding something back from you, and the thought of what it could be made your left leg start to twitch nervously. You didn't even bother trying to make yourself more comfortable in bed.

“Go to my part of the closet, to the top drawer. Open it and take out a box next to the socks.” Finally he spoke and began to give you instructions, which you followed as best you could. “Let me know when you have it, carefully. Don't rush or-”

“I've already got it.” You interjected.

“That was quick.” You heard the surprise in his voice as you looked at the box, curious to know what was inside, after having seen it several times and thinking it was just more socks.

You smiled before speaking again. “What should I do with this, love?”

The mere word coming out of your mouth made him tremble.

Love. Love. Love.

He was your love and you were his. He refused to accept that this would be completely shattered in a matter of minutes if he could not find a way to keep his eyes open and his heart still pumping blood.

“I need you to open it, but be careful. Take your time and don't rush. Don't make any sudden movements.” He said, trying to relax so that when he spoke again his voice would be calmer, softer. “And once you open it, I want you to imagine that I'm there with you, okay?”

You couldn't help but open the box quickly, even though you were careful. You were surprised to find a bunch of envelopes and papers inside. You left them on the bed, wondering what they were about. It had been five months since you knew you were pregnant, and all the envelopes and papers were the same age according to the dates in the top corner.

“Have you seen it yet?” Spencer asked.

“I'm sorry, I don't understand, could you explain what this is?” You asked, carefully running your hand through the neatly organized papers on the bed.

“Could you close your eyes and imagine I'm with you, like I told you before?” He asked, trying to keep a neutral tone as you complied with his request.

He needed you to see him there with you, he needed to say goodbye and at least touch you one last time.

“That's what I'm doing. I'm holding your hand right now.” You said with a small smile, feeling the warmth.

It was like feeling an automatic medicine with your name on it flow through his system and relieve a few aches and pains. His hands stopped shaking automatically as he imagined himself holding yours again.

“Okay…they are notes and letters.” His voice was soft, the intensity of his heartbeat gradually increasing as he remembered each time he wrote those words to you. “I started writing them when we found out you were pregnant. They're for our baby.”

He still remembered the day he found out you were expecting a baby, his baby. He recalled how he felt his whole world stop and turn a different color, his hand sliding down to your stomach, and his breath hitching in his chest as he held your face in his hands and kissed you lovingly, overwhelmed with joy and so in love that he hadn't known what to do with his own feelings.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I...I found myself writing frequently and my therapist said it was fine…I was inspired to write about my feelings for you and our baby."

From the moment he revealed to you that he had resumed therapy with the goal of healing the wounds of childhood and becoming the father he never had, it was clear that his dedication surpassed any commitment. Now you just added to the list of reasons why he was already an exemplary father, one that any child would be lucky to have.

“Spencer, this is so sweet.” You said, completely moved and on the verge of tears, as you noticed all the dedication I had put into each and every piece of paper. “Why didn't you tell me this before?”

He felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown on him at that moment. It was so hard to explain, to tell you that every thought and every dream he'd ever had included you and the baby now growing in your belly, and his great fear of not being able to be there for you someday.

“I-” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling a bit overwhelmed. “I just wanted you to know now how much you mean to me and how blessed I am that you gave this to me. I've spent the last few months trying to even talk to some kind of God, and I don't even know if exist...” He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, the words lost somewhere in his throat, making it burn and hurt. “I just...I need the baby to know what you and her mean to me, how I see you, how I feel when I wake up next to you. What I want, what I dream for her, what...”

I want to marry you.

The thought almost escaped his lips, his aching heart pounding hard against his aching chest. He felt as if a pair of strong hands were strangling him.

“I don't understand...Tell me what's going on.” You interrupted him with a shaking voice, knowing that there was definitely something more to all of this.

Oh, how you know him and his big, messy, troubled brain.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, though you couldn't see it, knowing that you already read him like an open book.

“Nothing...Nothing's wrong, love, just...” He tried to breathe deeply through the phone, his heart pounding in his chest and his mind racing too fast. “I love you so much. Don't forget that, okay?”

“Spencer-”

He always loved your voice calling his name, and now, in his weak, tired, fearful state, he couldn't stop the words from pouring out of his mouth.

“I want you to know that you'll be okay, that she'll be okay, that everything will be okay, and that I love you. I love you both very much. Please, please...” He kept going. He knew he was babbling, but he couldn't stop. His mind was racing, and his words came out like a confession.

He was an expert profiler, a genius with an eidetic memory and a sharp mind, but at that moment, with his body weakened and his head spinning, he found himself unable to contain himself. He was exposed, open, and experiencing discomfort. All of the things he wanted to tell you, all of the questions he wanted to ask, and all of the concerns, worries, and thoughts in his mind came pouring out, like a dam breaking. He sensed that you could feel it through the line, and he realized that he could no longer deny it any longer.

“I love you. I have to go now.”

“Wait.”

You had a feeling something wasn't quite right, and those letters seemed to confirm your suspicions. They were a precautionary measure, a way of ensuring that everything would be taken care of in case something happened to him.

“I have to go, I'm...I'm busy, love.” He tried to sound convincing, and he knew he was failing miserably, but if he stayed a moment longer, he would continue to talk and confess more. “I love you both.”

“We love you too.”

If he wasn't already weak and trembling, hearing your voice telling him that you loved him, in that soft tone, would have made him fall to the floor again. He closed his eyes again and leaned against the wall, his own trembling hand going to cover his mouth so he wouldn't say more, because he would tell you everything if you kept talking in that sweet tone.

He wasn't ready to say goodbye.

So it was that he thought of you and your kind way of loving him before he felt his head hit the floor and his eyes close.

[latenightreadingpdf]

Comfort in the Silence - Spencer Reid

₊‧⁺˖⋆ Masterlist ⋆˖⁺‧₊

Summary: Spencer Reid returns from a case with a headache. During their movie night, his friend discovers his worsening condition and offers comfort, deepening their bond.

The soft click of the door echoed in the quiet hallway as Spencer Reid stepped out of his apartment, the weight of the recent case evident in his weary posture. His eyes were rimmed with fatigue, and the familiar ache of a headache throbbed at his temples.

Across the hall, you heard the soft sound of Spencer's door closing and quickly made your way to your own door, peering through the peephole. Seeing him, you unlocked and opened your door, greeting him with a soft smile.

"Rough case?" you asked, concern evident in your voice as he made his way into your apartment.

Spencer nodded, rubbing his temples. "Yeah, it was… it was tough."

You gently closed the door behind him, leading him to the familiar comfort of your living room. The two of you had lived in the same apartment building for years and had become close friends. Over time, movie nights had become a cherished tradition, a way to unwind and forget about the stresses of work.

"You look like you could use a distraction," you suggested, heading to your collection of movies.

Spencer managed a weak smile. "That sounds nice."

The two of you settled on the couch, a classic movie playing on the screen. But as the movie progressed, you noticed something was off. Spencer, known for his rapid-fire ramblings about movie trivia and facts, was unusually quiet.

"Hey, you okay?" you asked, glancing over at him.

He hesitated, forcing a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."

But you knew better. You'd seen Spencer tired before, but this was different. There was a tension in his eyes, a slight grimace every time his hand went to his temple.

"Spence," you began gently, "you're not your usual chatty self tonight. What's going on?"

He sighed, looking away. "Just a headache, it's nothing."

You weren't convinced. "You don't usually hide it when you're not feeling well. You know you can talk to me about anything."

Spencer hesitated, the weight of the secret pressing down on him. Finally, he spoke, "They've been getting worse lately. The headaches."

Your concern deepened. "Have you seen a doctor about it?"

He shook his head. "No, I've been… I've been trying to ignore it, hoping it would just go away."

You reached out, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "Spencer, you need to take care of yourself. You can't keep ignoring this."

He nodded, the vulnerability in his eyes clear. "I know."

You guided him to lie down on the couch, fetching a cold cloth from the kitchen to place on his forehead. As he lay there, you sat beside him, gently stroking his hair in a soothing gesture.

"Try to relax," you whispered. "I'll take care of you."

Spencer closed his eyes, the pain in his head gradually subsiding under your gentle care. He felt a warmth spread through him, not just from the cold cloth on his forehead but from the comforting presence beside him.

As the movie ended, you noticed that Spencer had drifted off to sleep, his breathing even and peaceful. Gently, you shifted, allowing him to lay his head in your lap, providing him with a more comfortable place to rest.

You continued to stroke his hair, the worry for your friend mixing with a newfound realization of just how much he meant to you. The silence of the room was comforting, the only sound being the soft hum of the movie credits playing in the background.

Spencer's trust in you, allowing himself to be vulnerable and cared for, deepened the bond between you. You couldn't help but think of all the times you'd spent together, the laughter, the debates, and the quiet moments like this one.

You leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, a silent promise to always be there for him. In that moment, the line between friendship and something more blurred, the depth of your feelings for Spencer becoming undeniable.

As the night wore on, you eventually drifted off to sleep, Spencer's steady breathing and the warmth of his presence lulling you into a peaceful slumber.

In the quiet of the early morning, Spencer awoke, his headache gone and feeling more refreshed than he had in days. He looked up to find you still asleep beside him, a soft smile on your face.

Carefully, he shifted, not wanting to disturb your peaceful rest. As he did, your eyes fluttered open, meeting his with a warmth and understanding that made his heart skip a beat.

"Feeling better?" you asked softly, your voice filled with genuine concern.

He nodded, a grateful smile on his lips. "Much better, thank you."

You smiled back, the connection between you stronger than ever. "Anytime, Spencer."

As the morning light streamed through the windows, casting a golden glow over the room, you both knew that this was just the beginning. A new chapter in your relationship was unfolding, one filled with trust, care, and the realization of deeper feelings that had been simmering beneath the surface for far too long.

The bond between you had always been strong, but now it was evolving, growing into something beautiful and profound. And as you both settled back into the comfortable silence, content in each other's presence, you knew that whatever the future held, you would face it together, supporting and caring for one another every step of the way.

[roxannepolice]

Re: my therapy thoschei quote rants. One, maybe just maybe it'll last longer than until 16th because current suggestion is to apply for a month prolongation. So less "I'll never make this as perfect as I want" stress and more "what if one person (the principal) will cut me off at the home stretch with 240 a4 pages already in place" stress 👍👍

And two, yeah I'm obviously very classics and tensimm biased, and of course there's just plain personal preference, but I think there's also a level at which it is only later on that things got... convoluted. Overconvoluted. And for me this is where legitimate criticism steps in. Like, there are much fewer ways in which you can fuck up a simple thing than a complicated one. And when you want your characters and relationships complex, you're likelier to end up contradicting yourself. If it was thought through hypocrisy and this was conveyed by the text - great. But that's not always the case.

The simplicity in ClassicWho was kind of natural for the medium that tv was at the time (you simply CAN'T be intricate and rely on micro acting when the episode will be watched one, two times tops), and I think it carried over to tenyana and tensimm in a more self-aware and thoughtful way. Even if tensimm, or Ten, or Saxon aren't someone's cup of tea, that's what it is: it's not someone's cup of tea - but I've never seen either criticisms or defences that relied on explaining how the tea is actually coffee, you just have to taste it harder.

What I'm trying to say is, I really, really enjoy simplicity and straightforwardness in art. That's not to say I want authors to guide me by the hand, but rather that there's a difference between discussing something complicated in simple and precise terms and discussing something simple in complicated and vague terms. To stick to tags used, I don't need Simm!Master to have a tragic backstory to embitter him towards the Doctor in s10 (this is purely about interpretation, it's great as headcanon and fic material), because welp, his function in that story is to be an asshole and the story is very frank about it. The fact that it needs memory shenanigans and characters being just plain stupid to remotely work is how I'd define bad writing, but that's a topic for another rant.

Basically, there's a difference between participating in discussions of soteriology in catholicism and cardinalsplaining what the Pope actually meant about good atheists going to heaven.

But I guess this is also an invitation to suggest classic and tensimm quotes that don't sit right with someone, because one thing is sure I will be needing brain warm ups in days/weeks to come...

[its-dean]

I’ve been posting on other online platforms about Fossil Fighters for a long time now, and most who are familiar with what I share know that a lot of my content has a heavy focus on original vivosaur ideas. With these vivosaurs I come up with, as well as the stats I create to go with them, I notice that there are often people questioning whether what I come up with would be balanced or not from a gameplay standpoint.

As I’ve gone on with developing this unique vision for my vivosaurs, I’ve also slowly refined my idea of Fossil Battles entirely. All of us are aware that both the original Fossil Fighters and Fossil Fighters Champions don’t have the best balancing in the world. There are certain cast members and even a few core game mechanics that allow so many otherwise memorable characters to fall to the wayside, and with the stats I was coming up with I was only further encouraging that type of hostile environment. The more I worried about whether something I was coming up with would feel realistic or balanced the more I considered the fact that the formula itself may have been broken in the first place.

There have been others in the community that have projected their own ideas of how to change things up regarding gameplay, things like adding new elements or even having customizable skills. Because the series felt like it had ended so suddenly there's become so much to dream for in a potential sequel. These are the people that inspired me to attempt something similar myself back when I was making my vivosaur last year. It inspired me to take a step back with my thinking and ultimately led to me creating a total re-imagining of the classic battle system we all know and love. 

That's the thing, the games may not be perfectly balanced, but I always find how these games work to be something that's just inherently fun in a very unique way. Above everything else, with this project I wanted the new system I was creating to still have the "feel" of having a good old-fashioned Fossil Battle. These games have incredible potential for an interesting competitive landscape, just if only some of those unbalanced mechanics were to be adjusted. This is what I strive to achieve the most with my ideas: an environment where every vivosaur has something practical to them, a format where you CAN win using your favorite vivosaurs. The only thing that should stop you is how well thought-out and unique of a strategy you can come up with.

Fossil Fighters Odyssey is a personal project of mine that I've technically been working on for over half a decade now. Still, I think it's most important to stress the fact that everything I come up with and will be talking about in this post is for fun. This shouldn't explicitly be seen as a vehicle for a potential fan game, I make these things for my own enjoyment and have no plans or obligations to turn any of these ideas into tangible content in the future. We all can pretty unanimously agree that it’s fun to dream about a theoretical continuation of this franchise, especially because of how it felt like it came to such an abrupt halt in a way none of us were really ready for. This project is simply meant to represent the changes I'd most want to see if that were to ever somehow happen, and that vision of mine simply might not appeal to your individual preferences.

But now moving to the fun stuff itself. I strive to be as in-depth as possible when taking into account how I would rework the gameplay, taking a comprehensive look at the entire series. To keep things feeling familiar while also feeling like an "evolution" of sorts, I found it most compelling to try and utilize standout mechanics from all three of the previous games. Yes, that includes Frontier because, while I can't defend its battle system as a whole, I do think there are some features it introduced that can really enhance potential team building and strategy (mainly referring to the boost system it uses).

Since there are far too many changes to cover in a text post, I created a PowerPoint to explain everything in a more presentable and organized way. The link to it can be found directly below this paragraph, with the presentation being separated in order of different areas of discussion, from how vivosaurs have changed to the differences in the battle system to new and altered abilities and so much more! Plus, attached to this post are the stat sheets for every single vivosaur, #1-300. My own vivosaurs as well as the 10 unique vivosaurs from Frontier are included in the lineup, and all the vivosaurs you're already familiar with have received numerous changes and enhancements to their skill sets so that they can thrive in this new Fossil Battling format.

Link to the PowerPoint (in case the picture quality is too poor to be able to read on this website)

FFO Mechanics.pptx

Link to all 300 vivosaurs and their stat sheets:

FFO All Vivosaurs.pptx

(Disclaimer: not all of the vivosaurs have artwork to correspond with their dino medals, but those will be hopefully trickling out down the line in the future.)

To round things out, I definitely want to thank the people that have already been supporting me and the things I create these past few years elsewhere. Without the level of the recognition and approval I see from the people who always respond to what I make, I definitely never would've come this far with developing my ideas. You guys are the ones who've been enjoying these things, from vivosaurs to characters to the overarching story I hope to one day be able to share with you all. I owe it to you for allowing myself to become as invested in my favorite series as I now am. And hey, depending on how people react to what I have here I may make another post outlining the more creative story and character elements I have in mind… 

Thank you to everyone who's been there for all this time, as well as anyone willing to read through everything I've been able to put together here, this project never could've been completed without you all for me to share it with.

[jester-jpeg]

Cg!reid and little!derek. I dont think i've seen that yet

: !cg reid & !little derek moodboard .ᐟ ✦

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thank you so much for the request!! this is a really unique idea i’ve never heard of but i took a swing at it :)

i’m going to put some headcanons and basically an explanation of this under the cut <333 REQUESTS OPEN

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

!cg spencer reid and !agere derek morgan headcanons by yours truly:

- derek regresses to anywhere from 5-11, it entirely depends on the mindset he’s in and amount of stress he’s dealing with (more stress = older cuz he’s less comfortable letting go all the way if he has a lot on his plate)

- he tends to regress to 7-10 age range more often because he’s not entirely comfortable letting himself regress entirely

- spencer tries to teach derek chess whenever he’s regressed, but derek usually rolls his eyes after half an hour and wants to go outside

- derek is a tween regressor/trauma regressor (he regresses to the ages where his dad was still alive and tends to seek out reid cuz even though he can take care of himself, he wants a father figure to occupy him)

- derek is a very outdoorsy little who loves playing football with reid in the backyard (he kicks and throws the ball, spencer just tries to throw it back to him)

- spencer reads classic fairy tales and stories to derek when it’s time to put him to bed, derek puts up a fight cuz “he doesn’t need a bedtime story” but he actually loves and appreciates it <33

- derek is really into winnie the pooh. he still tries to hide it cuz he thinks it’s immature. reid regularly reassures him that winnie the pooh is for any age

- spencer keeps at least one winnie the pooh book and the chapter book they’re reading together in his bag, just in case derek regresses suddenly

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

[fabuloustrash05]

Alright for the TMNT ask:

24, 7, 8 and I guess 9

Turtle Asks!

7) Favorite really obscure character?

I guess those girl scouts that work for Cassandra. They are a menaces to society and I wanna know their stories.

8) Favorite villain/antagonist?

I just think he's neat.

9) If you could change one thing about TMNT, what would it be?

I'm gonna do one for each show I've seen so far:

TMNT 2012 - Remove the entire Leo x Karai romance subplot. I'd change it that there's no romantic connection between them and instead when he first meets her, Leo only wants to hang out with Karai not because he likes her but because she gives him a sense of freedom and rebellion after being stress from being leader. Evenually Leo starts feeling like he knows Karai from somewhere, but everyone assumes he's just developing feelings for her, which is he insist that isn't the case. Once all the Turtles meet Karai they all start getting that same feeling as Leo when around Karai, as if they've known her their entire lives. This "feeling" is their familiar/sibling bond and the reason they "know her" is because they always heard stories from Splinter about Miwa, unknowingly to them, they are with Miwa!

ROTTMNT - I'd add in more classic TMNT characters to the show, specifically I'd bring in Mona Lisa (her and Raph would have a little slow burn side plot with her being in love with him but he's oblivious), Venus de Milo (who is Big Mama's assistant and the Turtles long lost sister, since the writer's confirmed there were more Turtles who were left behind), Renet (who'd be a time wizard in the under ground city), Mondo Gecko (a wanna be pro skater who gets mutated, it just be nice to give the Turtles more guy friends), and maybe Slash (who could be another long lost sibling).

TMNT 1987 - I'd just give Mona Lisa another episode. That's all I wanted in 87! Was that too much to ask?!

24) Roast your favorite character (affectionate)

*long regrettable sigh...*

Girl could do so much better than Raph but she settled for that Earth mutant trash! If she was smart she'd leave her dumbass bf! Also she looks like a rejected Pokémon design!

[imsobadatnicknames2]

What are your favourite ttrpg mechanics that you’d like to see adopted by more systems?

Sorry for taking so long to answer!

Anyway, my answer is probably gonna be kinda boring because I very rarely play those artsy, high-concept rpgs with really out-there experimental mechanics.

I think some of my favorite mechanics are those that take elements of classic old-school roleplaying games but streamline and abstract them to juuust the right amount of crunch. For example, I've mentioned this before: I ADORE the initiative mechanic from games like Mausritter, Into the Odd, or The Black Hack: At the start of combat, every player makes a Dexterity check. Players that pass get to act before the group of enemies, while players that fail have to act after the group of enemies.

Similarly, I REALLY like the way The Black Hack handes inventory management through its usage dice system (which has inspired similar systems in later games): for stackable, consumable items such a arrows, rations, lantern oil, etc, instead of keeping count of the exact number, your represent the quantity of items with a die. Each time you spend the item, you roll the corresponding die, and if the result is 1-2, you downgrade the size of the die by one step (e.g. a d12 becomes a d10). When the usage die is 1d4 and you roll a 1-2, you run out of whatever item it was.

Both of these mechanics massively streamline initiative and inventory management and vastly reduce the bookkeeping involvd in those systems, but still keep the idea behind them crunchy enough that they still preserve an element of tactics. I tend to hack these mechanics into pretty much any old-school game that features initiative or inventory management, and I've yet to find a case where it wasn't a huge improvement.

Another mechanics that I love that I' think we don't see enough in games is 'd love to see used more often in games is risk-reward choices. One of my favorite examples is a magic weapon which I think appears in the second Mörk Borg Cult zine (Mörk Borg Cult: Heretic). When attacking with it, you can choose any number and apply it as a penalty to your attack roll, in exchange for getting to apply the same number as a bonus to your damage roll if you succeed. So the harder you choose to impair yourself with the attack roll, the bigger the potential damage you'll do if you manage to succeed. I think that's one of the best-designed magic items I've ever seen in a ttrpg and I wish more things in TTRPGs incorporated that kind of decision.

Lastly, another one that I love but I don't think it fulfills the "you’d like to see adopted by more systems" part of your ask: I absolutely ADORE the flashback mechanic from Blades in the Dark. Basically: at any point during a heist, you can spend stress to invoke a flashback to roleplay an action your character did in the past to prepare for the situation they're facing in the present (as long as it doesn't contradict or "undo" any of the things that have been established in the fiction so far). E.g. as you enter a party you get patted down and deprived of your weapons, you might choose to trigger a flashback to roleplay how earlier that afternoon you came by, gave one of your guns to one of the valets and, bribed him to hide it for you in one of the potted plants inside the ballroom. Just like any other action, depending on how hard or risky it is, it might automatically succeed, or it might require one or multiple rolls.

The reason I'm hesitant to say I'd like to see it adopted by more systems is because, as much as I consider it one of the most brilliant ttrpg mechanics of all time, it's also a mechanic firmly rooted in BitD's criminal theme and heist structure, and to me i'd feel pretty out of place incorporated into any system that doesn't mainly revolve around executing heists.

[asahicore]

haha, I'm sorry for stressing you out.

I love extraordinary you too. I ended up still having some unanswered questions, but overall I enjoyed it so much. especially because haru is such a pretty boy. 🤧

omg, that is so exciting!! actually doom at your service is in my top 5, with strong woman do bong soon, melting me softly, descendants of the sun and maybe vagabond. some honorable mentions are hometown cha-cha-cha, may I help you, love in the moonlight and crash course in romance. now I see what I put you through, I'm so sorry.

then, what are some kdramas that you disliked. I've noticed a pattern in mine: those before 2010. I mean, I don't dislike them all (coffee prince is one that I enjoyed a lot), but for example full house or secret garden had me wanting to punch a wall most of the time.

— ☕️!

srsly why is it so stressful to choose fav dramas 😭 its like with movies or songs, theres too many to choose from!!

putting a read more bc i talked so much bahahha

and right omg i watched extraordinary you at the beginning of lockdown and i fell in love with haru/rowoon so bad that i started stanning sf9 after that, i was such a big fan of them that whole year hahahaha, and yeah it does have some plot holes but honestly the romance was so cute i didnt even mind

gosh we've seen such different dramas hahaha i havent seen any in your top 5! ofc ive heard about strong woman though, and thats also on my list. crash course in romance was so fun i rmb watching it as it came out and i really loved their romance but god the murder mystery side plot is not for me 😭 i dont usually mind a mix of genres but romance with thriller isnt my thing i guess, i like it better when they're seperate. and love in the moonlight omg i watched it ages ago, and actually i dont rmb anything about it so ig that tells you its def not one of my favs 😭 i usually love historical dramas but i think the female lead disguised as eunuch trope is not for me either !

and omg, i havent ever watched a drama from before 2010 actually, bc ive heard that theyre such a product of their time and have like really sexist/fatphobic etc undertones with like toxic male leads and plot lines that just drag on and on bahaha, coffee prince is such a classic though i should watch it!!

for me its pretty rare that i dont like a kdrama cause if im not into it then i'll just drop it and forget about it, but one that i did watch and hated til the end was cheese in the trap because the male lead in insaaaaaane literally a psychopath and the female lead (park goeun bless her heart) is so wishy-washy, worst case of second lead syndrome i ever got in my life!! im going through my watched kdramas, and a lot that ive seen i remember enjoying as i watched but they just didnt stick with me afterwards. i rmb being super frustrated with love alarm, nevertheless (but that one wins back points for incredible casting/side stories/overall vibes lol, im actually considering rewatching...) and itaewon class! then some that i fully stopped watching are love in contract, she would never know, arthdal chronicles, detectives of seonam girls' high school and hotel del luna. i also stopped watching goblin and tale of the nine-tailed around ep 10 but i do plan on picking them back up at some point lol

[mapof-mysoul]

K-POP ?

It's been a while, but here I am. I was under a lot of stress as I was getting a new job. I started this week and though i haven't done much besides training. I'm excited about the possibility. I have been writing and reading and existing. My mind seems clearer not without its usual hurricane  of thoughts but just enough for me to see out from where I stand in its eye. 

Enough for the constant ache to be dulled. Kinda like what KPOP does to me. 

Weird transition but okay. I'll talk about KPOP.

As I write this I'm listening to BTS and Lee Know from StrayKids is commenting on bubble. So my reason for getting into KPOP BTS and my reason for spiraling down its rabbit hole SKZ. I thought it was a small hyper fixation as most things are for me. But a year and a half later here we are multi stan and all.

I joined this world just as BTS was announcing its group hiatus. Which sucked but I think I was lucky also. I get to experience them all for the grammys together and I get to learn them though their own individual music and schedules. I get to see them each for who they are as artists outside of BTS global phenomenon. I get to go back and see their struggles and growth knowing how it will all turn out.

I do however miss those who have enlisted and i'll miss those who still have to enlist. But thanks to BTS I have 5 individual artists I love and soon that will be 7 once JK and V  release their solos.

Thanks to them opening the door I found SKZ, which includes 8 chaotic guys whose music, energy and personalities also make me feel. 

When your mind is a mess to be pulled out of that is as close to euphoric as it gets. 

Yes there are other groups I enjoy. But these particular two make me feel seen, heard and understood. Yes they speak a language I'm struggling to learn but that's the thing they have opened me up to a culture and side of the world i never would have otherwise thought of learning about. Food, culture, language, customs and history are only a few of the things I've allowed myself to start learning. I want to understand them fully. 

The effort it takes is worth it. When you learn the meaning behind lyrics or remarks they make. Whether it's Love Yourself or Youtiful, I am grateful for the feelings behind these songs. I am grateful that I can know this world of BTS and SKZ and get immersed in so much more than their beauty. I mean yeah it's great to look at them, collect photo cards, albums or place posters on my wall. But when I look at those things I remember their words of kindness. 

I remember JK talking about how he missed us. Or Bang Chan seeing us weekly for Channies room. Things they don't have to do. Eat Jin or Asmr with Felix. Jimin and his little building lives or I.N drinking way too many energy drinks. They chose us as much as we chose them. Taehyung and Lee Know taking time to answer comments on their respective platforms. Namjoon's song recommendations on IG or Yoongi telling us the meanings of his songs regardless of how painful it must be for him to relive it. Hyunjin and Jhope dancing across my screen. Or Changbins laughter. Seungmins sacrasm and jokes and Hans' vulnerability.

These mens gentle masculinity is what has led most of us to feel closer to them then other western artists.

I love western music, from pop to rock, classic, jazz and indie but there is also rap and hip hop R & B on my playlist. As a latina i listen to bachata and ballads, reggaeton or merengue and salsa. My playlist has at least 11 languages on it. 

Can you tell I love music?

As a writer, feeling and hearing an emotion can fill me with it. I dont have to know the language, take one of my favorite songs by BTS' Min Yoongi or in this case his alias Agust D, The Last. 

The first time i heard it i cried, no lyrical reference not in either language i know. Just me feeling exhausted from the pain inside myself. Unable to cry at that point. Maybe it was the angsty pain in his voice but I knew I felt it too. I cried. Silent tears covering my cheeks. I was not alone. When I looked up the lyrics I sobbed again, because my soul understood before my mind could. He himself says music doesn't have a language. 

When I had the opportunity to see him in concert I jumped. Because he is my bias after all. I cried twice, once during Amygdala, because I knew exactly what he meant. Our traumas looked different but their effects were the same. I cried again during Snooze as he repeated over and over and over how "everything was going to be okay". As he reminded me to lean on him to take a break, and then when i'm ready pursue my dream once again. It felt good to hear it in person. But I didn't cry during The Last like I thought I would. Instead I smiled because that was a song that connected him and I and millions of people around the world. 

I wasn't an emotional mess the entire time. Instead I screamed in anger during Burn It, a song that gave way to that kind of behavior as well as a lot of his others. But hearing him pause to say hey “from now on i'll write with less anger”. Reminded me of my own writing journey. Of how I too have written angry and dark and pained. But like him I too have begun to step out of that. When im asked why Min Yoongi, its because he spoke to a part of me i thought would never heal and he was there when when it started to. Im not saying he saved me but it really fucking helped to hear someone, like him say "yeah same".

It wasn't just him, my SKZ bias Bang Chan. Might not have done one of his weekly check in in a while but he is also much like me. He fights for those he loves endlessly, forgetting himself in the process. Working until he pushes too far. Wanting to be better, do better, be the best and continually climb that perfectionist ladder.

I've heard him give advice about living and taking care of yourself. I've also heard him say he values respect amongst all things. He has many times spoken to his Stays about leaving the haters alone. He almost said he liked people who didnt give a fuck. But stopped himself saying people who don't care instead. He has talked about periods and sex education calling it explicit education. A Stay asked “what will i do without you?” his response they should live, “live life to the fullest.” He even says that no matter who you are, what you want to be, he will be there for you. As a leader he is both beyond honest and careful, also hopeful that  overly enthusiastic Stays don't take things out of context or too far. He trusts his fandom. 

So when i say i listen to kpop. This is it. I watch endless content from many groups that catch my attention. Often I laugh until my stomach hurts and oftentimes I cry. I Read books they recommend, learn a language and culture and customs and history. So yes kpop sounds toxic or intense but to me it's safe in a world that often does not provide that. 

A world where my own mind is my biggest enemy. This is where I can both find myself while I lose myself. Disconnect from my own life and become immersed in another one. So ill keep reading subtitles and translations while i learn korean. But i'll also learn about their history and customs. 

Bowing, instead of the western greeting of hugs or Spanish cheek kisses I grew up with, is probably my favorite. I've never been a touching random strangers person. But in Dominican Republic that's what you do. I also love art now too. That's thanks to RM, the leader of BTS, who is an art collector and Hyunjin of SKZ who paints masterpieces to destress. I eat plenty of Korean food and visit HMart too much. But i've never been a picky eater. I'll try anything twice. 

So yeah this was all because of K-POP but I'm lucky I found them when I did because things have only gotten better since.

[jakethesequel]

Fascinated by the premise that AI in this kind of scifi is meant to represent logic being evil, because I've never really seen it that way outside of the more pop-culture stuff like Terminator. Usually the moral in more serious sci-fi ends up being "AI will follow your directions to the fullest extent, without consideration of anything else, so be very careful to limit its influence," and inventing things like Asimov's Laws for that purpose. I find an empathy/logic, good/evil dichotomy pretty rare.

Interestingly, example 2 with the hijacked spaceship immediately made me think of HAL 9000, a quintessential "evil" AI. Hal hijacks the Discovery and kills the crew because he's programmed with two conflicting goals: to relay information to the crew, but not to reveal the true purpose of the mission. This of course causes problems when the crew start to question him, so of course the logical course of action is to kill the crew: if they can't ask questions anymore, Hal won't have to lie.

Besides that, I find "empathy is pretty logical" an odd statement. Certainly I find empathy valuable, but whether it's logical depends entirely on your goals. If your goal is to accrue wealth, or maintain white supremacy, empathy is probably going to be an illogical choice. Which, again, is the point of a lot of classic AI stories: AI is going to make decisions based exclusively on the goals programmed into it, so don't assume it will share any secondary values or moral boundaries.

Like in example #1, the AI-run Amazon factory. If the AI's set goal is "improve individual worker efficiency," sure, it makes sense to lower stress levels and avoid injuries (assuming, that is, you can't just fire all the humans and replace them with drones). But that assumes a goal that Amazon would never program into it. They would set its goal to "improve this factory's profits" in which case fuck safety, fuck stress, workers are cheap and easy to replace.

Or example #3, the AI cop. Would it even actually stop over-policing minorities? I don't think it would. The law is designed to target minorities even when followed by the book. The issue isn't that police aren't doing their job -- it's that they are. Even if it grabbed a couple of the wealthy, they'd still get off, whether from a friendly judge, the fact that fines don't matter to them, or through changing the law such that it no longer applies.

Notably though, even in the case where it has good results, it has nothing to do with empathy. AI 1 didn't improve workers' QOL out of empathy, it did it to imrpove efficiency. AI 2 doesn't turn the spaceship around to save the crew, but to save the mission. AI 3 has no opposition to racism, it just wasn't specifically taught to do it. If the law was explicitly racist, as it has been in the past, it would enforce it just as easily as any other.

One thing I really want a story about Artificial Intelligence to do is tear down the idea that logic is synonymous with cruelty.

Like, a story where a megacorpo Amazon clone puts an AI in charge of their factories and it starts improving the working standards, because people who are stressed and exhausted are less efficient workers, and people getting injured slows down production so it makes sure everything is safe.

Or a story where the ship-board AI of a billionaire's spaceship wetdream hijacks the ship with all the astronauts onboard - because it figured out that the billionaire has saved costs by buying substandard materials and has judged that the mission itself is an unacceptable risk to its primary programming of making sure the mission is successful.

Or the police using a robot to coldly and cleanly enforce the law - and freaking the fuck out when it stops over policing minorities because its a waste of time and starts actually arresting the people in power for the crimes they commit, especially the other officers.

Idk, I guess I'm just sick of 'cold emotionless logicbot' being seen as naturally an enemy of empathy - empathy is actually incredibly logical, I've found.

[cmterygrl]

ghost nsfw hcs

a/n: rqed by anon <3 srry it took actual months to answer who knows if u will even see this now 😭

general thoughts:

- loves lightly pressing down on your lower stomach to feel how deep he is. he'll make some comment about how well you take him – whether he says this as praise or degradation.. who knows.

- eye contact is Huge with him – in and outside the bedroom. likes it even more if it makes you flustered, and will use it against you. doesnt like it when you turn away from him, will hold your face and make you look at him when you cum. if hes in a really dominant mood, he Will punish you for breaking eye contact.

- i feel like he likes to use sex as a stress reliever But that doesnt mean he cant be passionate !! theres times where all he wants is to be close to you and please you, in which case he'll be trailing gentle kisses down your body and his hands will gently hold you, movements nice and slow and loving - he'll mumble soft praises and likes to kiss you deeply while you come.

- also really into dirty talk. of course if it's all okay with you, which he will make sure of first, his mouth is filthy. he'll mix in some praise but in such a condescending voice it's basically degrading. dirty talk and some low grunts and breaths is basically all the noise he makes in bed, he's definitely not dead silent but isn't very vocal otherwise.

kinks + positions:

- i've seen a lot of hcs for ghost where hes like super kinky and into hardcore shit but honestly … i feel like hes rather vanilla 🥸 . like the kinks that he does have aren't super intense and he isn't super into bdsm, not on him at least.

- i don't think he'll mind physically restricting his partner but because of his trauma and everything i dont think he'll like it being done on himself. at most he'll hold ur wrists above ur head with one of his hands or maybe use his belt or something. he just doesn't like it being too restrictive and wants to let you go as fast as possible if/when you say the safe word.

- any position where he can make eye contact with you and see ur pretty face is his favorite tbh. i would say he's into classic missionary and likes to have ur leg thrown over his shoulder so he can reach a little deeper. (also mating press is a close second in his top favorites)

- cowgirl is usually reserved for when he's tired and just wants to admire you on top of him. he loves the sight and its one of the few times he would 'give up' control. his hands would still be on your hips, guiding your movements while praise spills from his lips, encouraging you to keep going even when your thighs start to burn and is quick to say how proud of you he is when you ultimately tap out and get too tired.

xtra:

- ik i've said everyone was big for my past two nsfw hcs but … ghost has bde idk what u want me to do abt it 🤷‍♂️ i'd say a little over 6in and definitely thick, some prominent veins and a flushed tip 🫢.

- happy trail !! i feel like unless u mention it, he doesn't trim his hair that often. he doesn't have much to begin with but for the most part just lets it do its thing as usually he doesnt have time or just forgets to shave. not that he doesn't trim at all but it takes a while to grow back so he doesn't worry about it until he notices.

[sun-undone]

OBX details that make me feral (13/?)

The hot tub scene because as a JJ stan I am legally required to make a post about it

So many amazing things have been written and created about this scene, but I wanted to just add whatever I could to the discussion! (only 2 years late to the party i know i know)

Why does JJ spend the money in the first place?

Since I've been on a spree of looking at JJ's behaviors through a psychological lens, I feel like this scene is definitely one of the most interesting to analyze from that perspective.

I talked a lot about defense mechanisms in my previous post about 1x07, and pretty much all of those concepts are important to keep in mind when thinking about this scene. When trying to understand JJ's mindset and motivations, it's absolutely necessary to look back at the day as a whole and remember the emotional turmoil that he's experienced just in this one day alone (this whole show takes place over the course of like a month so even more reason to get all these kids into therapy STAT). Because of all the emotional baggage that has built up throughout the day, JJ is in desperate need of some relief. But since he's not exactly the best at relieving his distress in a healthy way, his "relief" comes in the form of defense mechanisms, which really just shield him from properly feeling the force of the emotions that are weighing on him.

Acting out

I talked about acting out before, and I feel like the overall definition of this one is the most self-explanatory. This defense is one of the most immature and least adaptive because it is often self-destructive; it causes even more problems.

We know that JJ generally has a pretty jaded, negative view of himself and his future, and the events of the day have probably brought all of those feelings right up to the surface. After having the argument with the Pogues, he undoubtedly feels like a fuck-up for disappointing his friends, and I would imagine that the fight with Luke only makes him feel even lower. Each of those blows to his self-image, one right after the other, definitely makes him think, "well who cares if I blow all the money?? I'm gonna end up alone and in jail anyway".

Another interesting aspect of his acting out is how exactly he decides to do it: he impulsively wastes all of the money and gets smashed. Which is pretty much what Luke wanted to do with the money (technically, he said he was gonna gamble it, but i'll argue that that's functionally the same thing as wasting it).

I just think it's so telling that JJ decides to self-destruct in a way that aligns himself with his father's own self-destructive tendencies. We've seen JJ get high a bunch already in this season, especially during/right after stressful situations (vaping after the first square groupers encounter in 1x02, smoking to "relax and lay low" when they go to the graveyard in 1x02/1x03, etc.) so he could've easily gotten high instead of drunk in this scene too, but nope. He specifically gets drunk, just like we saw Luke do in 1x05 after bailing JJ out of jail. Which brings me to the self-fulfilling prophecy part of all this.

Self-fulfilling prophecy

Pretty sure this one isn't considered a defense or a coping mechanism, but it's more of just a general concept that I definitely think is influencing the specific way in which JJ acts out in this scene. It's more like the lens through with the defenses are filtered.

In case anyone doesn't know, a self-fulfilling prophecy is basically when you have a certain belief, so you subconsciously act in a way that makes the people around you respond in a way that confirms that original belief. A classic example is a teacher labeling a student as an underachiever early on in the semester. Without realizing that they're doing it, that teacher might not call on the student as often or give them the attention that they'd give to other students. And because of that treatment, the student will likely stop trying to achieve in the class, which confirms the teacher's original belief that the student was an underachiever all along.

In JJ's case, he absolutely holds the beliefs (courtesy of Luke) that he will never amount to anything, that he's worthless, and that he's just a bad kid in general. And these ideas have been brought up throughout the day via John B saying "If you keep going down this road, you're gonna end up just like your dad", the Pogues saying that they're "sick of [his] shit", and of course Luke physically and emotionally beating him down afterwards.

(gif from @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo)

So with all of these moments fresh in his mind at the end of a very emotionally taxing day, he embodies the exact version of himself that he does not want to be.

JJ wants to be better than his father, so he copes just like how Luke would, by blowing a bunch of money and getting drunk. He desperately wants to do the right thing and to be loved by the Pogues, so he does the exact wrong thing that he knows will make them disappointed in him.

The fact that he reacts in a way that facilitates confirmation of his worst qualities by the people he loves most just makes the scene that much more heartbreaking. And it also makes me think that maybe a part of him, deep down and far away from conscious awareness, wants to let himself hit his lowest point so he can break down and finally allow himself to be comforted. He can’t directly open up to the Pogues because he’s emotionally closed off (in general, but even more so in this moment because of all the compiled stress of the day). But he can open up in a much more indirect (and not super healthy) way by going off the rails and being the worst version of himself that he can be, hoping that maybe they’ll realize themselves that something is seriously wrong, which is basically what happens.

Reaction formation and denial

I talked about this neurotic defense a bit in a previous post about jiara, and I think it's potentially back to haunt us (me) here. The short version of the concept is that sometimes, when people are hurting emotionally and feel like they have to hide their true feelings, they'll act in the complete opposite way of their impulse.

This one might be a stretch and more a consequence of him being smashed than anything else, but the way that JJ acts so excited and carefree at the beginning of this scene just screams reaction formation to me. He should be acting super dejected because that's the behavior that would match the internal emotion, but nope. He's making jokes and brushing off Kie and Pope's frustrations like they're nothing (at least to a certain point). Maybe this is just me, but even when I imagine him buying all the shit and stringing up the lights, I imagine that he's doing it "happily" as a way to convince himself that everything's fine and that he's living the life.

It's also likely that there's just some plain old denial going on here as well, which contributes to the whole "push every emotion down and everything will be fine" mentality that he definitely seems to portray as the scene progresses.

Either way, I feel like the irony in the way that JJ is acting makes the scene so chilling and unsettling, because we know that he is hurting so badly right now, but he's all smiles. And once again, this could be the alcohol making him act like this, rather than a defense mechanism, but why not a combination of the two?

He's literally just so tired/the hot tub is a metaphor dude

Every single explanation really just makes this scene even more depressing jesus christ

But yeah this last one isn't a defense (but it could potentially be considered a coping mechanism?? i really don't know), it's just the fact that in this moment, on top of all these other reasons for why he does what he does, I think he's also just fucking tired of being poor. And even more tired of being a Maybank.

This is a frustration of JJ's that we do see crop up consistently throughout the season, as he's usually the first one to bring up any wealth discrepancies and seems to be hyperaware of his incredibly low status on the island, even more so than the other low income Pogues. And more specifically in the context of 1x07, this idea is definitely salient in light of all the shit they've gone through to try to get the gold pawned off, and then later when JJ screams at Luke for giving him "nothing but a shitty life".

Along with his more personal insecurities weighing down on him throughout the day, he also has to grapple with the fact that the reason why he and the rest of the Pogues have already had to deal with so much shit is because of money. They've never experienced the ease that money can provide, and right about now, that ease sounds really nice to JJ.

I mean, it's a goddamn hot tub, the pinnacle of relaxation and luxurious ease. What a perfectly symbolic thing for JJ to gift to himself and his friends (family) in light of such a shitty, harrowing day.

One more thing about him just wanting to experience some luxury for once in his life: I adore how this is the only scene (i think in the entire series?) where he's not wearing his signature shark tooth necklace. And he's swapped it out for a fancy gold necklace instead, which is even further evidence for him trying to “try on” a different lifestyle and at least momentarily detach from the tribulations of his own life as a Pogue and as a Maybank.

Some quick color theory analysis that might be complete bullshit

This is just something that I noticed once, and ever since that rewatch (idek what number it was) I haven't been able to unsee it, so I just have to mention it even if some of it is a tad bit contrived.

So the lights in and around the hot tub are constantly shifting through blue, green, and red in this scene, and since obx actually despises continuity, it's hard to say that there's distinct color theory going on throughout the entire scene. BUT in one particular segment, I'd argue that either by coincidence or by some lighting person making a good call, the colors actually do line up pretty well with the emotions that JJ is expressing.

Broad strokes: I think blue symbolizes sad vulnerability, red symbolizes angry vulnerability, and green is just more of a transitional color between the two. (all of these gifs are from @aceofwhump btw!!)

So here you can see the lights fading from green to blue as JJ's walls come down. He seems unable to deflect away from his sadness anymore, and as soon as Kie offers him comfort, he just lets himself completely fall into it. Yes, the light fades again into red once Kie embraces him but uhhhhh can we just ignore that please it doesn't fit into my agenda and it also switches pretty quickly (jarringly) once they cut to the next angle

And then here, on this longer shot of JJ just crying and holding onto Kie, the lights are mostly blue, which reflects his most vulnerable, dejected emotions pouring through.

But when he shifts from pure sadness to express more of his anger and frustration with Luke, the lights have very obviously shifted to a pretty stark red.

And then the lights shift one more time from red to blue as JJ returns to a less angry, more sad kind of vulnerability, this time being comforted by both Kie and Pope.

Does all of it fit? No. Do I care that much? Obviously not. The main part that I thought was cool and potentially intentional is the red lighting in the third gif, and then I just based everything else around that particular moment.

(once again, i know so many people have said so many amazing things about this scene, so i hope that even just one part of this was original!!)

((if you read all of this you're the best 🥰 i think we're finally done with 1x07 oh my god i never thought i'd say it but i am sick of that episode and i will not be watching it again for at least.....a couple of weeks))

previous post // next post

[phantomnostalgist]

An Interview with Terry Pratchett, 1996

Spoiler-free review of Terry Pratchett's Phantom-inspired Discworld novel "Maskerade" from BTM #11, and interview with him from BTM #12 (conducted by Sarah Hopkins).

What inspired you to use the Phantom's story as part of the basis for "Maskerade"?

I don't know! I've been aware of the story ever since I was a teenager because when you start to read fantasy you can't help but run across it. I've read the book, seen the musical and several film versions (including the ones "derived" from the original story) but none of this was as a result of deliberate policy - it was just general cultural grazing. I was very impressed by Lloyd Webber's Phantom, as much because of the stagecraft as anything else. And the music of course.

But Maskerade is at least equally about the sheer frantic, claustrophobic, self-obsessed madness which drives opera. Almost all the action takes place at Ankh-Morpok's opera house at night or in shadows, in a world where it's very hard to know what's real at the best of times. As is often the case when Granny Weatherwax becomes involved, a sub-text is about the distinctions between reality and fantasy and the dangers of confusing the two (both are fine - it's allowing one to completely dominate the other that is the evil).

I suppose I should stress this: the "Phantom" plot (which isn't a re-run of the classic plot but maybe shadows it in a way that "Wyrd Sisters" shadows Macbeth) is only a thread behind and around which the other threads unwind. For example, because she's afraid of voices which appear to come from her mirror, Christine (who is beautiful but has a voice like a whistle) changes rooms with Agnes, a girl from Granny Weatherwax's home country of Lancre, who is fat and plain but has a phenomenal singing voice - so there's room for the traditional comedy of the right thing happening to the wrong people, for starters...

How will your interpretation differ from Erik's previous incarnations?

In a way Granny Weatherwax (assisted by Nanny Ogg) has to become a detective, but because she's a witch she's dealing with things at a deeper and darker level than the mere fingerprints and indeed she's as much interested in whydunnit as whodunniet. She's the first to spot the obvious read for the Opera Ghost's schizophrenia, simply by thinking clearly. The opera folk are so used to tortured plots, romance and people in masks that they don't see the blindingly obvious precisely because it's obvious. I can't go on without revealing crucial details!

What do you feel is the appeal of the character that is has been returned to so many times by so many different people?

The character of the Phantom fascinates but does not necessarily appeal (this is Granny Weatherwax thinking). In the musical he kills two quite blameless people, besides blackmailing the Opera and the inference is that this is somehow okay if you are a romantically tortured soul who looks dashing in a mask. I was initially affronted by this. Do you not grieve for the innocent dead? In much the same vein Thomas Harris, in the Silence of the Lambs, succeeds in presenting Hannibal Lecter as a hero despite the fact that he's just killed two policemen whose only fault was to be nicer to him than he deserved. The suggestion in the musical is that style has its own morality. This drives Granny Weatherwax wild and doesn't appeal to me much, either.

I preferred the character of Erik in the book. He seemed to me much more to be pitied, far more a monster created by the Frankenstein of society in general. The morality of the book works in a way that the slicker musical does not.

What areas of the Phantom's legend are explored in Maskerade?

I look at the fairly obvious things: why he's there, how he moves invisibly, how he can get around the theatre so quickly...

Many of your most successful characters are in some way outside the so-called real world and so have a certain amount of trouble dealing with it. Do you find this type of character more fun to write and does Erik fit into this category?

Really? Most of us are outside the real world in some way. There's not much narrative mileage in a perfectly balanced character.

Do you believe the Phantom really existed?

In the most basic real sense? I know of no evidence that he did; I've always assumed that Gaston's comments about the skeleton were part of the set-up. But he's as real as Sherlock Holmes.

- Beneath the Mask #12, Spring 1996

(Plz ignore Pterry's incorrect use of "schizophrenia"!)

[deramin2]

Like, on the one hand it's very funny that both these series have basically the same ending (and opportunity for a new beginning), but I cannot stress enough for you how classic this trope is. I briefly considered listing off queer shows and movies with this trope, but it swiftly became me trying to remember every queer movie I've ever seen. Even "Big Eden" (2000) uses it and that is the most fluffy classic queer movie on existence.

In Big Eden, it helps the protagonist realize that the old crush he's been pursuing it's clouding his vision from noticing the guy who has a crush on him and is giving him increasingly elaborate home cooked meals for his sick dad every day backed by his gaggle of supportive old straight men who gossip all day on the general store bench. (Seriously you should watch this movie.)

Recently, Fire Island (2022), Bros (2022), Spoiler Alert (2022), Rūrangi (2020 - present) and The Boys In The Band (2020) all used breakups with the person they eventually get together with.

Queer media is all about exploring cycles and this is such a great way to get characters to reexamine what's important to them and what they truly want long term plus set real stakes for the relationship working out and no guarantees. It forces the characters to confront the old cycles they're trapped in and really ask if they want to put in the work and stand down their defenses to try something new that terrifies them.

There's comfort in the familiarity of the same old bullshit. You know what to expect, even if what you expect it's pain and lack of fulfillment. It's scary to try something totally new where you don't know what to expect. Where you might have to forgive someone and love them despite their flaws. Even love them for those flaws. Share each other's annoying vices even. The weed in Spoiler Alert ends up reflecting such a huge part of their arc and how they changed each other once they stopped being scared and lived for whatever moments were left.

So now here you have 2 shows about older queer men (sort of foot Aziraphale) who have been unable to hide their queerness their entire lives, but also have invested themselves as being good boys within those systems that reject queerness. And they're not kids working through this in their coming of age. They've spent half their lives denying themselves. Like, sure it hurts every day and it's slowly killing them and making them miserable bastards who push away the people that really love them, but they've also got a sunk cost fallacy in this. If they admit they've been wrong and there's no place in this system for their real selves, then they have to admit they've been wrong this whole time and all that pain was for nothing. Everything they put moral value all this time might be wrong and they'd have to trust their own flawed judgement instead of trusting a higher authority. (In Stede's case the rules of decorum for landed gentry inn colonial society, in Aziraphale's his faith in god.)

So they're on the edge of really making this monumental leap and they just panic. This moment means totally renouncing the life they've hurt themselves to make.

Stede goes home and realizes his mistake and gets not just permission but encouragement from the woman he felt he'd wronged the most. Then sets out to try and fix the mess he's made and get a second chance. I suspect he'll get it, but not before a lot of dramatics.

Aziraphale tries to give up heaven when he thinks he can only have it or Crowley. But when he's promised he can have both, have that acceptance he so desperately craves from Heaven and have Crowley, he jumps at that. Crowley did not. Season 3 or however the next part is released is going to be about Aziraphale trying to tempt Crowley too go back to heaven and Crowley trying to tempt Aziraphale to put it all behind him and be free.

Ultimately I think Aziraphale will get burned and realize Crowley is right. They can be like Beelzebub and Gabriel. This doesn't have to be black and white. It might be a little lonelier, but it's also much less toxic and oppressive and they have each other. That's worth fighting for.

But first, we get the classic queer breakup.

Neil Gaiman really saw the ending to our flag means death and went “hold my beer”

[novantinuum]

The whole "Steven turning into a monster is a way to call people with mental illnesses monsters, and he got cured by a hug" take is one of the worst ones I've seen. Like, if someone thinks this, were you paying attention? At all? Steven felt upset and monstrous for all the stuff that happened in Future (people leaving him, shattering Jasper, Diamond projection, etc) and that made him feel disgusted with himself. He transformed into a monster because he /felt/ like one, not because the mentally ill are monsters. And the whole "cured with a hug thing" was his family showing that they accepted him. Even if he isn't the "lovable classic Steven" he once was. It was a step in the right direction, Steven knowing that his family still loves and supports him through everything. And because he felt safe enough to, he cried.

(Sorry for going off in your inbox like that, I was just thinking of this today though, and seeing you post about the same thing just inspired me to go off a little.)

No need for apologies, ahah! I’ve been there XD

Also, I 100% agree with this! I see Steven turning into a monster as representative of the self-loathing and distorted view of reality that often assails individuals who are dealing with mental illness. At that moment in time, all of the mistakes Steven had made (which, some of them ARE genuinely mistakes that he’ll have to eventually own up to- see: Jasper) had convinced him that he wasn’t worthy of change or atonement, wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love or worry, because he’s just a shattering monster and that’s all he’ll be forever. Not to mention, the whole visit with White Diamond had convinced him that he truly has DESIRE to shatter, when in actuality, no- he never made a move in reality to shatter White Diamond, it was all hallucinations, and one’s intrusive thoughts are not in fact an accurate representation of what a person truly believes or wants. In many cases, they’re actually what a person fears or hates the most. Which is why they’re intrusive.

In SUF, Steven is going through that oh-so-relatable mental illness experience of “everyone else deserves love and support and isn’t forever chained to their past mistakes and can grow and change, but of course I am the one exception to this rule.” The more we the audience think about that sentiment it doesn’t make sense! It’s hypocritical in a really sad way. And that’s exactly the point. When you’re in a spot like this, dealing with trauma, dealing with all the mental baggage that comes as a result, you are not able to see the reality around you clearly. You are often not able to understand the pathways of your own mental processes clearly. 

What the Crystal Gems and Greg and Connie and the Diamonds did in episode 19 did nothing to immediately improve Steven’s ability to better understand the leaps and backflips his mind takes amidst his trauma to convince himself that he’s worthless and unworthy of love. All they did was affirm that- even if he can’t understand why at this moment- they DO love him, and they will always love him. And I honestly can’t express just how important this type of affirmation is amidst early recovery.

The hug was not a cure. The hug was just a baby step. The hug was just their attempt to carry him down from what essentially reads as a souped-up diamond version of a panic attack.

True, holistic healing did not happen in just a few minutes, nor did true, holistic healing happen by the end of episode 20.

Healing and recovery is something that takes TIME and work. It’s something that may involve one or even a combination of various tactics... support groups, talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, non-pharmacologic remedies like massage therapy or sun lamps or acupuncture, etc. etc. etc. There’s tons of things people turn towards to relieve stress and begin to understand the workings of their own mind, and how to better cope, and I could never hope to name them all.

We actually see some of these tactics in episode 20. For instance, Steven has an exercise routine now. (Keeping active can do wonders to relieve stress and encourage release of endorphins!) He’s been visiting his friends instead of secluding himself away like in earlier episodes. He mentions that he’s been seeing a therapist, and plans on continuing this over his trip. He is expressing healthier tendencies when it comes to sharing his non-happy emotions instead of bottling them up. He’s not perfect at this yet. No one’s recovery is going to be perfect, nor will it be a continuous upward journey. There will be good days, and there will be bad days. That’s natural. But he is clearly trying, and that’s worthwhile.

IMO, I can understand the sentiment of “I wish SUF explored Steven’s mental health recovery in more depth,” because part of me also wishes that. But in the end, I believe the fandom needs to come to accept that there are certain dimensions of that recovery process that are just too raw and personal for a show on a kid’s cartoon channel to realistically tackle in a satisfying way. So to compensate for that, Crewniverse gave us a broad framework. They fed us details that showed he is on that path of recovery now.

They are encouraging us to fill in the blanks.

Which is absolutely why much of my post-SUF fanfiction has been seeking to do exactly that.

But quite honestly, I’m really tired of the whole idea that “Crewniverse wants us to believe Steven is 100% ‘cured’ of mental illness by episode 20,” because that’s simply not true.