#i think these are all the major things i highlighted wanting to discuss back a few months ago

[pochapal]

Topics:

[simpee9000]

Not Just Friends - 8 -

M.List : Prologue : Part 1 : Part 2 : Part 3 : Part 4 : Part 5 : Part 6 : Part 7 : Words 2.6k

Childhood best friends turned into something more, at least with the label. Katsuki Bakugo, a fast-rising hero and fast-learning guy who is ever so slow in getting attached to and loving someone. Even three long years into a relationship, and your friends even forget you're even dating. Nothing happening, spare a few kisses.. like 3 kisses, during high school. Graduated and living together, and you guys have done absolutely nothing to further the relationship. Are you sure you're not just friends? Also not edited!! CW: Smut, brief domestic violence discussion, virginity loss, aggressive flirting from creeps, gore with pro hero stuff (lmk if i missed any) Applies to all chapters regardless of it is in said chapter.

"It's been two weeks," you pointed out, telling yourself and him.

"That doesn't mean you have to be okay already," Katsuki huffed at you, crossing his arms as he leaned against the makeup table in front of you.

You were going on for the interview that you promised that night. Truth quirk and all. They were prepping you right now for it, covering the dark circles under your eyes as they made sure to add highlights.

"I go back to work tomorrow, I want everything to be dealt with before hand," you dismissed. You wanted your plate clean so you could throw yourself fully back into work, you were itching to use the equipment. "Besides, Aizawa is here. He'll make sure to turn off the truth quirk if needed."

He grumbled, watching you intently as you got up, makeup finished and TV ready. "I don't like this." He didn't want you to go back to step one, even if you claimed to be fine.

"I know," you patted his arm, he's been trying to convince you not to. But his PR manager advise you to do it, knowing if you switched up that the public would think the worst.

An assistant knocked on the door, peeking through when you told them it was okay. "You're on in five," and with that, they left.

You swallowed nervously. "It's not to late," Katsuki offered.

"I said I'd do it, so I will," you looked yourself over in the mirror one last time, brushing your clothes smooth before you walked to the door. Katsuki following behind as you waited behind the curtain, ready for your cue. You made eye contact with Aizawa who was on the other side, next to the interviewer with a truth quirk. You gave a small wave and gained a nod back.

"Remember that you can dodge the question, it's not considered lying," Katsuki informed you for the millionth time, going down his prep list, "I studied them, they make you say the truth but not blurt it, so you have time to form your words."

"And now we have Dynamight's girlfriend," the talk show host called your name, greeting you on stage. "She'll be giving us all the details of her juicy relationship with our number two hero! All under a truth quirk." You walked onto the stage, giving Katsuki a nervous smile before turning to wave at the crowd.

It wasn't your first interview but it was the first major one. A huge live audience that filled the room. You shook hands with Gossip, the hostess nickname for the public. Shaking hands with the truth quirk interviewer as well before sitting down. Aizawa stayed off stage, ready to cancel things if needed.

"Nell, here," Gossip called attention to the truth quirk, "Known as 'Spills' will activate her quirk and ask questions about her secret relationship with Dynamight." Nell waved at her introduction, smiling brightly. "We've opened questions to the audience as well, so let's get started," Gossip grabbed a stack of cards from her desk, nodding to Nell to start.

You crossed your legs, hands clasped in your lap as you waited for the effect.

Gossip handed Nell the cards to read out. "You were the one on the phone with Dynamight two weeks ago, correct?"

"Yes, called me while I was making dinner," you laughed trying to add anything you could to the questions because you wanted good press.

"How long have you been dating?"

"Three years," you answered easily, feeling the small buzz of the truth quirk in your mind, "Since second year of high school, even though I liked him way before that." Well, you haven't meant to say that, the truth quirk making the small bit of information slip out.

Gossip grinned at what you were saying. "And you've never liked Deku? No romantic feelings there?"

"He's like my younger brother, absolutely no feelings there," you confirmed.

"You don't even find him attractive?"

"I do, just not like that. I only have eyes for Katsuki really," you didn't even know why you were anxious at this point. Part of you was worried it'd make you slip up, say something in the wrong way and make it seem like you wanted him.

"How cute!" Gossip gushed to the crowd. "Well now that we have that settled, lets get to the nitty gritty." You paled at that.

Opening your mouth the protest before Nell interrupted you, "What about Dynamight annoys you the most?"

You rolled your eyes, "He leaves his socks everywhere. Literally only his socks, everything else he is a neat freak about."

"Anything else?" they pushed for something more.

"He literally argues with himself while getting ready, calling his teeth stupid for getting dirty," you ranted, glad you had no real issue with him.

Nell and Gossip shared a look, unsure of where to go. "What do you love most about him?" the decided to switch from negatives to positives, trying to feed his fan base.

"Oh," you paused, mind swirling with too many truths, "He remembers all the small things," you settled on, talking fondly, "He bought an extra chair for his office because he knew I hated the ones he had. He might not talk a lot but he does so much."

The crowd swooned at how fondly you talked of him.

"Why are you with him?"

"Cause I love him?" you questioned back confused, paleing when you realized you haven't directly said it yet. You've been together for three years and knew you loved each other, it was just hardly, if ever, spoken.

"How about we open questions to the fans?" Gossip turned from you and pointed at someone who raised their hand.

"What's Dynamight's biggest weakness?" the crowd called out, Nell immediately asking you the question.

You froze, Aizawa was being distracted and couldn't save you. You faintly heard Katsuki's loud foot steps coming up, trying to save you.

"He loves his back being popped," you answered, truthfully, the interviews losing the spark in their eye as you didn't give good enough gossip. "Seriously, he loves it. Practically melts afterwards."

Katsuki stood next to you, grabbing your hand and pulling you to stand. "This shit is done."

"Dynamight," Nell called out as Katsuki dragged you away. The truth quirk likely making him stop. "Do you seriously love her?" She spit those words out in a manner that reminded you of the break in.

"Yeah, so fuck off," he barked over his shoulder, pulling you off stage.

---

In just the drive home, your phone was blowing up entirely. You were trending on Twitter, Tiktok, and any social media already. All they needed was an hour. You scrolled through TikTok as you curled in on the couch, swiping from one video of you to another video of you. People were gushing over your relationship, loving how he protected you and how you talked about him.

It turned the fan girls more on your side, having gotten a glimpse of your life with him. They concluded that you were one of them. You even saw videos of how you cheered him on during the first-year sports festival. They took any social media post with the two of you and over-analyzed it. Talking about how you looked at each other.

"Still looking at that shit?" Katsuki called from the kitchen. Currently packing up the leftovers of dinner.

"It's cute," you defended, "They found a photo of us during graduation," you lifted your phone over the couch for him to look, hearing him shuffle over to look.

It was a photo of you two hugging after the ceremony, probably seconds after he asked you to move in with you. "This is horrible for my image," he complained as he saw the caption, "Makes me look fuckin' soft."

You rolled your eyes, looking up at him from where he leaned over the couch, "You are soft."

He scoffed, "Sure."

Humming, you got up from the couch, moving to head to your room, wanting to grab a book from a box. You hardly unpacked, your room still empty as you've been spending the past few nights in Katsuki's room.

"Hey Kats," you called from your doorway, seeing more boxes in your room than before. Probably and entire third of boxes that you didn't put there, you were at work all day, busy with meetings while Katsuki got home early.

"What?" he asked when he met you in your doorway, looking over your room.

You stepped in, glancing into an open box and seeing Katsuki's stuff filling it. "What's all this?"

"Figured with you sleepin' in my room all the time we might as well share," he crossed his arms as he shrugged, leaning into the doorframe.

"Really?" you looked up at him, taking your eyes of the open box, lighting up inside as you looked at him.

"Why not?"

You've been waiting for this since he first asked you to move, but you knew that if you freaked out he would back out. You bit back a huge smile, joy seeping through your expression regardless. "Want to set things up then?" you offered, answering his unasked question of it was okay.

He didn't give an answer before he moved in the room fully, grabbing a box of his clothes and going into the walk in closet. You stepped out of your room, seeing how his old room was empty minus a bed. Smiling, you moved back into your room, grabbing another box of his clothes and placing it beside him before grabbing your own clothes and finally unpacking. You took two of the walls of the closet, him taking the last wall, having less clothes.

Cycling through each box until they were all unpacked, your room looking like a mixture of the two of you. His comforter but your sheets on the bed, pillows stacked the way you loved and his limited edition All Might alarm clock sitting on the nightstand. The dresser being spilt for the two of you with small touches of each of you adding to the room. Giving it personality.

It made you giddy, to see everything done up as a combined. You let a bright smile grace your features as you changed for bed, Katsuki showering in the connected bathroom while you slid under the covers. You grabbed a book from your nightstand and flipped to the bookmark.

Reading through the rest of the chapter before Katsuki came out of the bathroom, ruffling his hair under a towel as he walked in. Hanging the towel up and shaking his head like a wet dog to fluff it back up. He stayed shirtless, how he's been sleeping the past few nights, and only wore his boxers.

You eyed him over your book, watching his arms flex with any simple motion he made. Eyeing him as he walked to his side of the bed, slipping under the covers fully before wrapping his arms around your waist.

The motion was surprising, filling your stomach with butterflies as you accepted his hug. You were propped up on pillows, making it easier to read with the posture, his arm slipped easily under you, his other going under your book. He squeezed light, wearily of the wound that was still present on your left side.

"Your shower is so much better than the one in the hall," he grumbled, digging his face into your shoulder. His shampoo scenting the air as you leaned your head onto his.

"Our shower," you couldn't help but correct him.

"Do we want the old room to be your office? The other mine?" he questioned.

You closed your book, setting it on the nightstand as you held onto his arm. "Maybe one can be a guest room? Your mom called and said she wants to visit," you suggested.

"That hag been callin' you often?"

You slapped his arm for how he addressed his mom, "She's worried."

"Hm," he dismissed, "I don't care."

"The interview wasn't that bad," you changed topics, "Just made me say softer versions of the truth."

He took his head off you, moving to sit up so he could look at you, "They asked you about my weakness? Do you know how bad that coulda been?"

"But it wasn't, I did what I said and nothing bad happened," you matched his glare.

He rolled his eyes, falling back onto you.

"I surprised how cuddly you are," you said, not to tease but point out.

"Fuck off," he scoffed, moving to flip away from you. You hooked your arms over his shoulders, trying to pull him back but just got flipped back over with him, letting out a squeal of surprised. Situated right on his lap, close to his face. His hands held your thighs as you straddled him unintentionally. "'m not cuddly," he pinched your thigh.

"Sure," you teased now, "That's why you've been all over me."

"I can finally touch you, think I'm not going to take advantage of it?"

You pulled back, sitting up right on his lap as you looked down at him. Brows furrowed, "Is your watch always on?"

He shrugged, "Not always, but most of the time, 'round you."

Your stomach dropped, you moved to grab his hand and saw that it was on. Turning his quirk off. "You can't use it that often," you told him, worried.

"I turn it off before I sleep," he brushed off, moving his hand away from yours.

"When was the last time it was off around me?"

"When I was asleep last night," he answered easily.

"Katsuki," you frowned, "That's not good for you, you need to turn it off." You reached for his hand again.

He snatched it out of your hand, "The fuck's your problem?"

"I don't want every time you touch me you need that stupid watch on," you complained. It made you feel disconnected from him, like he had to hide his true self.

"It's not on all the fuckin' time," he argued.

"Then you should have no problem turning it off right now," you challenged. His face was all scrunched in distaste as he looked at you.

"I don't have shit to prove."

"You're using it as a crutch," you dug, "I shoulda never built it for you."

"So you would of prefered staying how it was? Don't want me to touch you?" he argued, getting frustrated that you were upset. Defaulting into anger.

"I'd prefer you," you clarified, "The actual you that doesn't need to suppress his fucking quirk."

"I don't need anything," he hissed, "I was doing it to make you fuckin' happy but now you're all bitchy about nothing."

You widdened your eyes, pushing yourself off his lap finally and moving to your side of the bed. "You'll kill yourself," you commented, "Not having access to your quirk is deadly."

"No I won't," he huffed, not moving from where he laided.

"You're right, cause you can turn it off," you decided, "I'm not going to touch you until I know it's off."

He sat up right, "Really?" he looked down at you.

"Yep," you popped the 'p', "I only made the watch for work training, not sex training like how you're using it."

"That's ridiculous," he tried to reason.

"Well, I'm going to be 'bitchy' about something that'll kill you," you crossed your arms, standing your ground.

He shifted, "So we're going back to square one? That what you fuckin' want?"

"Sure," your chest felt tight, hating how frustrated he was. But your side made sense. "I want you alive."

"I'm not going to die."

"Yep, cause I'm not encouraging you to turn it off anymore."

"Can't kiss you or anything then," he tried to threaten, failing to change your mind.

"Okay," you shrugged. Internally mourning the loss of it already.

"Seriously?" he was in disbelief.

"Goodnight Katsuki," you turned onto your side, making him unable to look at you anymore.

When he huffed and turned away you were worried he'd leave. Go back on sharing a room. Truly test how far you were willing to go.

But all he did was adjust onto his side of the bed, angrily turning his lamp off, darkness coating the room.

At least you had that, but who knows how long you would. You clutched at your chest as you sunk in on yourself. It would suck to go back to how it was two months ago. Not being able to kiss him, or hug him freely.

You've gotten so far and had to throw it away. But it was necessary. The nitroglycerin made his heart run slowly, he needed to have his quirk flowing or you didn't know what would happen. You weren't trying to risk it so you could feel him up.

---

-Next Part-

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[mareastrorum]

Hello! I’ve been looking at your blog after Critical Role episodes for a couple of weeks now and I have to agree with you wholeheartedly about pretty much all of it. I wanted to ask you your opinion on the idea that a majority of us are calling Bells Hells the bad guys because all they’re doing is ‘wanting to dismantle the oppressive force that aims to destroy an entire established society of innocent people’. I’m having trouble understanding what oppressive force that is?

Thanks for the ask! There's two parts to this, so I'm going to address them separately.

First, there is no "oppressive force that aims to destroy an entire established society of innocent people." Like, the only group that came close to that in this campaign was the Weave Mind and the Imperium, which intended to take over Exandria in its entirety and subject the entire population to hivemind slavery--but Bell's Hells did little to oppose them. Vox Machina (backed up by an army) demolished the Imperium's main forces at the Exandrian base of the bloody bridge. The Mighty Nein killed the Weave Mind and then started mopping up their allies that remained on Ruidus. Bell's Hells did nothing to support that rebellion other than assist on a scouting/sabotage mission and then flee.

Otherwise, there is no force aiming to destroy society. Ludinus wanted Predathos out so it could eat the gods, and there was no intent about anything other than that. He did not care one way or the other about collateral damage. Predathos doesn't either, but it wants to eat, and we do not know what level of divinity is too small for it to prioritize. And let's be serious, unless a god flees and lures it away, there's no reason for Predathos not to look at a planet full of life and think, "Hmmm, it might not taste good, but I am so fucking hungry."

A good while ago, when the Hells had initially reached Vasselheim, I saw discussion of whether Vasselheim and other Exandrian forces intended to wipe out all Reilorans and other Ruidus-based species. I think Evoroa's plea and assistance made directly to the leadership of Vasselheim has already prevented that potential result. Of course, the Exandrians are working together as a collective of dozens of factions, and each of those has untold numbers of individuals working for them. It's possible some of them will insist on war anyway, but given the actions of the three campaign parties, I don't see that happening on an organized scale. Regardless, Bell's Hells aren't focusing on that right now, and nothing they could/would do with Predathos would affect that either.

The only other faction that comes close to that idea is the Betrayer Gods, but they don't care about society. They want genocide. They want to murder every single mortal in existence, and then torment their immortal souls for all eternity. I literally cannot overstate the disdain the Betrayers have for mortals. They are Exandrians' ultimate enemy. The Divine Gate is the only thing protecting mortals from the Betrayers, and it requires every god to unanimously agree to drop it. That is phenomenal protection. There's been no serious threat to it since its creation.

In particular, I want to highlight that "the gods" as a category of entity are not a united faction. The gods don't rule anything on Exandria--not even Vasselheim. That's a purely mortal project! Mortals decided to build a city dedicated to the gods, and given that it's filled with their followers, the gods have historically spent particular attention to protecting it. That makes perfect sense, and it doesn't mean the gods are in charge of it.

Obviously, there will be other factions across Exandria that could fit that bill, but Bell's Hells hasn't had to deal with them in this campaign. Like, chaotic evil factions exist, they're just not in this story right now.

Next, whether Bell's Hells are villains, bad guys, etc.

I've written up how I assess villains in my pinned post. That's my general approach to any type of story, whether it's interactive, written, oral, etc. It's a very broad overview of when is a villain an effective narrative device? I am rather harsh in my criticism of villains: if they didn't improve the story, they should not have been included at all.

We could cherrypick through the various episodes to come up with an argument that Bell's Hells are the bad guys, but my problem with them is that they aren't effective villains. A villain's primary purpose is to highlight a theme in the negative: what is the wrong thing to do in these circumstances, and why is that? The reason they aren't effective is that they don't have a motivating purpose.

Bell's Hells are a chaotic faction that consistently deviates from whatever is requested of them. They claim to be for the people, then denigrate and oppose every faction they've encountered. They claim to have changed their minds about some of the gods (the Matron and the Arch Heart in particular), then repeatedly ignore or contradict the plain statements told to them, but they still seek out the gods' instructions regardless. This carelessness or apathy makes it impossible to map a philosophy onto the PCs other than "I felt like doing it in the moment."

None of them have been able to articulate a reason that they chose this path. Maybe the players will come up with some hamfisted excuse next episode, but it's still going to be unsatisfying from a narrative viewpoint. This stream had hundreds of hours to show that and instead needs someone to say it in the last episode. It's terrible storytelling, and none of them could claim that it was impossible to see this confrontation coming. We've known it was coming since Ludinus successfully bridged Exandria and Ruidus. There was time, and it was not spent wisely.

Going beyond dialogue, there's no consistency to Bell's Hells's actions except the desire to kill Ludinus. That muddled any potential message that could be conveyed about them as villains in a story except "kill Ludinus in particular." We can't even say they oppose any existing hegemony because none has been established in Exandria. There's no racial, economic, social, religious, etc. group dominating the world. Again, as said above, the gods don't rule anything, and they're stuck behind the gate.

Any potential to build Bell's Hells into worthwhile villains was squandered. Everyone but Orym had an explicit, tailor-made opportunity to lean into their darker personality traits, and every one of them chickened out--except Ashton, who gave into his desire to be special and have power to lash out at people standing over him. Unfortunately, Ashton's attempt to absorb another shard of a primordial would have also broken the game on a D&D level, so that got reversed and reworked into a character moment that also had no lasting impact on his character arc. Ashton hasn't bothered exploring it since. That's really the core problem: every time the PCs had the option to pursue a villainous path, they ran the fuck in the opposite direction, then dithered about what to do.

Without conviction, villains are merely bullies. They're just here to be mean, stop other people from getting what they want, and jeer at others when they get their way. We saw that in this latest episode. There's nothing Bell's Hells wants. They don't even want to be involved. They're just doing it because they can't even commit to going home--because they're player characters in a D&D game, and the players didn't want to switch to new characters.

That makes for a terrible villain story. Like, once we see the final episode and all the PCs have had an opportunity to take action and speak on their own behalf, we'd be able to revisit this with more definitive statements. Unfortunately, I can't think of a single way this could go that would correct the flaws I've already listed. It's far too late to correct the characters' lack of direction to develop a coherent villain arc for any of Bell's Hells.

[silkenwinger]

would do crazy, unspeakable things to get TA Gaz's attention. he's just so nice. never playing favourites, necessarily: his attention is always divided evenly. after all, he is a tutor figure for an hard class, and all of you need help. and while you're scared shitless of price, you know you can count on gaz's calm tone to tell you what you wrote wrong. never judging. understanding. encouraging.

it's not just his behavior, of course. have you looked at him? he's top 10 most handsome men you've ever talked to. wait, more like top 5. okay realistically he's the best looking one. and you're not the only one to get lost in his eyes, either. you hear hushed whispers of fuck me behind you when he stretches mid hour. you telepathically send whoever said that a strong mental message of stay away from my man.

as for your relationship... well. you've been working really hard on building a particular rapport. by that you mean you sit in the first row, greet him immediately, and try to come up with at least one question per session. looking hard for things to ask him has led you to a vast amount of knowledge you really don't need to pass this class, to the point you know you're getting glares from the other students. it's hard to be more forthright: you wish you could, but you're still somewhat inhibited by everything about him. for christmas, you brought him some homemade cookies, saying you made them for all TAs (absolutely false). gaz had smiled that absolutely devastating smile that made you weak in the knees. your five attempts and hours wasted had given you something back!

you've convinced yourself what you've going on is special. gaz (and oh my god, the day he told you (aka the class) you could call him that instead of mr garrick was the highlight of the month) knows your name and asks how you're doing frequently, which has completely revolutioned your world. you spend two hours getting ready every time you have to see him. when you saw him in the distance while you were talking with another classmate from another course, you almost threw the poor guy from the corridor balcony to not be seen with him.

of course, your friends call you fucking delusional, short of telling you you have absolutely no chances with him, but hope never flees true warriors' hearts.

eventually, all good things come to an end. price's class ends, you submit your long ass essay, and you don't see gaz as frequently anymore. you almost cried the last session, with him telling you all that he was kinda sad to let you go and that he was sure your final would go well. he'd even touched your shoulder! it would have been hard not to hug him if you hadn't been paralyzed by his touch in the first place.

one day, checking your results, you see that alongside price's grade there is a considerably longer email. the professor is telling you that he's seriously impressed with your essay, and that his TA, recommending you, wants to work with you on a project related to the class.

a project.

with gaz.

alone!

(part 2 here)

a/n: for both mine and your peace of mind, please tell me if this is wildly inaccurate for british universities! i'm basing the TA role as it exists in my country: someone (usually freshly graduate or about to be) who leads a secondary course for a major class, that can deal with redoing what has been done in class, solving students' doubts, in depth discussion, etc. i think this blurb will stay this way anyway, but if i ever want to write something longer on the topic 👀, i'd like to know how stuff actually works in the country it is set in lol

[inafieldofstarflowers]

Having alternate POVs gives a more rounded perspective of so many parts of aftg, but I think that Jean specifically gives a more in-depth view of Kevin which is deeply necessary to understand his character.

On multiple occasions throughout his narration, Neil comments on Kevin’s single-minded focus on Exy. This makes sense, because Exy is at the heart of Kevin and Neil’s relationship and is central to the overarching conflict of the books. Neil gives his game to Kevin, and Kevin takes that seriously. Moreover, Kevin has something to prove, to himself and to the world, and the success of the Foxes in their season is key to his success in proving his worth, so of course he’s focused on it. Also, Kevin just truly does love Exy: he’s spent his whole life working hard to get to where he is by the time the series begins, and he clearly did that because he cares just as much as he did it because it was expected—it makes sense that he loves the Trojans, because they play for love of the game, not just for the desire to win.

When Jean’s narration discussed Kevin, it agrees with all of these things: Kevin is fanatical and he loves the Trojans (even though his playing style is incongruous with theirs, as Jean points out) and he is arrogant, though not without cause. It also, however, gives peeks at a softer side of Kevin. Part of this is because so many interactions between Kevin and Jean are colored by Kevin’s guilt at leaving Jean behind, and the validity of Jean’s accusation that Kevin twisted the knife as he left, but regardless of the reason, Kevin lets his walls down ever so slightly when it comes to Jean, and while he’s still standoffish, it’s also evident how deeply he cares about the people he loves. Jean notices this side of him, though he doesn’t typically mention it outright, being justifiably angry with Kevin; he leans closest to admitting it when others criticize or doubt Kevin’s motivations, unwilling to let them misrepresent him.

Kevin Day is the ultimate fake idgaf-er. He has his people—Andrew, Neil, and Jean, but also the Foxes as a whole—and he sticks by them. He believes in them. His faith in Andrew keeps him going, his confidence in Neil gives him space to dream about the future, and his trust in Jean is what he falls back on (when he learns about the district change, when Neil is headed to the Nest),

Applying that lens to the original trilogy makes so many of Kevin’s actions stand out, even though Neil rarely flags them as significant or identifies them as a result of either his desire to show up Riko or his fear of retribution (which Neil sees as cowardice, while Jean intimately understands the way that bone-deep terror mixes with a cultivated, years-long habit of obedience to make a cage that is nearly impossible to escape).

In this light, Kevin’s love for the Trojans looks like a small act of defiance. His History major—of which Neil makes only a passing mention—gains weight as evidence of other passions strong enough to get Kevin to fight. Kevin’s plea for Neil to leave after he learns his identity, his decision to agree to train Neil every night, and his initial refusal to accept Neil’s choice to go to the Nest at Christmas are all highlighted, exemplifying how much he cares about Neil. Every act of defiance—every time Kevin stands up for or by the Foxes, each interview where he indicates he is where he wants to be, each moment he supports Neil instead of trying to change him—gain weight with Jean’s commentary on the trauma that comes from the Nest.

Kevin Day is an Exy player. He is arrogant and irritable and abrasive; he has built himself around his success. He has also built himself a net to fall back on out of the people he has chosen to have faith in, chooses to find worth in people the rest of the world has written off and fight for them to achieve the version of themselves everyone else has long stopped believing they could be. He is the Son of Kayleigh Day and David Wymack, and he takes after each of them in spite of growing up mostly apart from both of them.

[anukkuna]

Day 13: Cleverest detail

I'm not sure whether this counts as a 'clever' detail or just as 'interesting symbolism' or whatever... also, I'm just speculating here, so maybe, nothing of what I'm about to say was ever intended by the director and welp...- anyway, here's my two thoughts:

The scene in which Adam has to undergo the strip search for prison and its related scenes:

The scene is presented in snippets. We cut between the office scene with Leo and Pia and, later, a longer flashback scene with Roland. It’s in this flashback that the stick and Roland’s method of suicide - intended to frame Adam as the murderer - are revealed.

In the office, we see Leo and Pia piecing together the bank robberies committed by Boris Barns and Roland Schürk (because Adam handed Leo the photo and related evidence at the lake). They come to realize that what happened back then is still very much connected to Adam’s current situation.

Meanwhile, Adam is being subjected to a thorough examination by the prison physician. (The only way it could be more literal is if they actually x-rayed him!)

We also see him lie effortlessly - for example, when asked whether he smokes. (And, of course, this is where we get his iconic line: "Alles klar. Mir scheißegal.") As a viewer, this was another moment in which thought: 'Wow, he’s really good at this. At lying... huh.'

What I really want to focus on here, though, is the theme of being caged in this scene. First of all, the way it’s shot: from outside the windows with these metal grids inside. We’re watching Adam, visibly uncomfortable, undress in a cage created by:

1. His own colleagues, whom we just saw in the previous scenes (with Leo, his partner, being the one who had to put the handcuffs on him); and -

2. His manipulative and abusive father, as shown in the following scene.

This is also the scene where Adam’s large snake tattoo is revealed, likely altering the viewer’s perspective on the title Das Herz der Schlange. (At least, that’s what happened for me.) You might think: Ohhh... the heart the snake is protecting is Adam’s heart! So, in a way, the episode could literally be called Adams Herz (Though, to be fair, one could have drawn this conclusion earlier, when Roland paralleled himself with the frog and Adam with the snake in the terrarium.)

And then there’s the way Adam briefly looks almost(!) directly at the camera - like a trapped, caged animal that would much rather fight or flee but isn’t allowed to.

There is, of course, a deeper and more sinister layer of symbolism to this.

Within the fandom, there has already been discussion about the association of snakes with negative traits - particularly due to their role in biblical contexts.

One major theme, I believe, is the idea that evil is inherent in the snake’s nature, tied to its association with temptation and sin.

This is another clever detail I’d like to highlight (if it was intended that way! Also, apologies if someone else has already written about this and I’m unaware.) So…

In the flashback, we cut to Roland, Adam’s father. In German (and, I believe, in English as well), there’s a saying:

"Der Apfel fällt nicht weit vom Stamm" - "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

So, is Adam tempted to discover how far he has fallen - from the metaphorical, biblical tree (and the real one we see later)?

How much of his family’s criminal tendencies and energy has Adam inherited? Are deception and lying things that come naturally to him? Is there, deep within the heart of the snake, some lingering trace of evil? Even if Adam were never intentionally criminal, are there still aspects of his 'nature' he can’t control (and which would that be)?

Esther seems to suspect as much. She believes Adam tried to kill his father before. Even after learning that it was Leo (and Adam) acting in self-defense, she continues to distrust Adam in Ep. 4. On the rooftop, she openly says to him, “I don’t trust you.”

Snakes are often associated with being cunning, deceitful, and unpredictable - silent predators that suddenly strike. Are we, as viewers, meant to draw these parallels to Adam? Or is this meant to make us question these stereotypes?

Later, when Roland utters his last words, I was wondering the same thing... wondering if this is what they're getting at.

"Adam... meine Krone."

- Roland Schürk, Das Herz der Schlange

I feel this refers both to the crown of a tree and the crown of a king, (which is traditionally passed down to his heir, of course). (It’s worth noting that the crown, as a symbol, has been scratched into the bark of the tree where the money is buried. R+A - Roland and Adam. A place where they likely went before... maybe when Adam was much younger?)

But make no mistake. Telling Adam where the money is in his final moment is not meant as a kind gesture at all.

Roland correctly suspects that once Adam knows where the money is - whether or not Adam really finds or takes it - other gangsters will come after him. Adam is even tortured by Boris in prison over it. This becomes Roland’s final attempt to torment Adam, presenting him with criminals, who will come after him, as well as a difficult moral choice: Should Adam return the money, which he could use as compensation? (After all, the bank likely didn’t go bankrupt from the robbery, so it might even be morally justifiable for him to keep it.) Or should he keep the money - and risk both his job and his relationship with Leo in the process?

Adam is caged, in more than one way. How will he escape?

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

THE HUNDRED LINE: LAST DEFENSE ACADEMY - Journal #5: Route 0 Days 57-66. [MASSIVE SPOILERS]

//As I mentioned before, due in part to me having more immediate obligations to get through, I ended up taking a break from this game. But when I did, I genuinely was so excited to get back to it that I started to go threw withdrawals.

//I'm not addicted YOU ARE!

//But in all seriousness, I wanted to try and cover as much ground as I possibly could. I was shooting to make go from Day 57, where I left off, to Day 70 at least.

//But man, this game is SO LONG. And these days in particular were jammed with SO MUCH STUFF.

//It's...hard to say how I feel about this arc of the story, but I can confidently say that it's probably the most emotionally damaging part.

//Which is actually ironic. One common theme of the Danganronpa games and their plots is they start of strong, tend to petter out during the middle, and then where it flops massively, it hits back with the most emotionally engaging, and typically the SADDEST part of the story.

//And even though Hundred Line is not split up by chapters, turns out it hit the same way. I complained a bunch about the previous stuff I experienced, but everything I found in this part was LEGENDARY.

//But I can't say any more than that, because again, spoilers.

DO NOT READ THE REST OF THIS POST IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED/SEEN THE HUNDRED LINE: LAST DEFENSE ACADEMY. I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT VERY SPECIFIC PLOT POINTS AND MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE GAME.

//So let's get started:

DAY 57:

//One thing I will say out of the gate is that the actual plot progression over the course of these days is honestly kind of slow. It has a really slow, steady buildup, and then immediately, it all comes crashing down.

//The highlight of today's discussion, as I fully expected it would be, is Moko, as it's now been 8 days since she showed up at the school out of nowhere. Seeing as, by this point, she's the only one of the group not on the battlefield yet. I assumed that this arc would be centered around her, but there are other things to note as well.

//Specifically, the Invader Commander that we took prisoner after the last battle, is now in a cage in the courtyard, and Shouma is apparently taking care of her.

//Not gonna lie, Shouma's budding relationship with the enemy commander throughout this part, even if most of what we know is only given by word of mouth, is pretty engaging. Through this initial interaction, I started thinking that he might have had a crush on her.

//By the way, this Invader is CLEARLY an important character SOMEHOW, because she appears on the map and has her own icon, suggesting that she's someone we can talk to. As I said before, my current theory was that this Invader was going to end up being student number 16, since most of Kodaka's games have an evened out cast like that, and Hundred Line's lineup was only really one off.

//Ima and Kako show up a little later because they spent the night playing games and trying to ease into their new relationship dynamic. And credit where it is due, the way they interact now towards each other is MUCH better!

//I think the big issue is that the sister-complex nature of Ima, and the submissive sister nature of Kako made it really hard to relate and sympathize with them both. But now that Ima's worldview has changed and Kako is trying to be more independent, they now seem just like regular siblings, and I can definitely get behind that.

//I would KILL someone to have a Danganronpa/Danganronpa-style game that features siblings, and just HAVE THEM BE SIBLINGS. It's my firm belief, based on...very obvious past experience, that having siblings, especially if they're twins, in a killing game is just a really obvious plot point in the making, where one of them dies, they both die in the same trial, one impersonates the other, etc. There's so little you can do with that idea, which is why I'm never on board with it.

//This is definitely acceptable though. And as rushed as the story felt, I am happy that Ima is now treating Kako like a sister rather than his most cherished property.

//I spent Free Time as I often do; with trying to level up my social stats and physical stats, but during my break, I was given some advice on something.

//Someone told me that it was a really good idea to get everyone to learn Last Yell, and then try abusing that move as much as possible in the battles. Especially the one's that last for a while, i.e. more than one round.

//I haven't actually talked about it before, but to go into a bit more detail here, but up until now, I've mainly been using the voltage meter to use my super abilities and take out enemies in a large group. But on top of using the meter to use ultimate moves, you can also use them to give your character's a boost, like a boost in damage for instance, one of which is called Last Yell.

//The way Last Yell works is once it's activated, whenever an ally uses a skill while you're sitting at exactly 1 Action Point, there's a 50% chance that whoever has Last Yell active will trigger an effect called Support. Support enhances that skill, adding +2 damage and granting 2x Voltage instead of the usual amount.

//The really interesting, and frankly absurd part is that multiple instances of Last Yell can be triggered by a single skill, assuming that most of your characters around you have it activated. These effects stack additively. You can trigger up to 4 instances of Support, resulting in a potential +8 bonus damage and 5x Voltage gain from a single skill, assuming your luck holds.

//Which makes this ability not only INSANELY STRONG, but also VERY STACKABLE.

//The true hilarity begins when you strategically lower your AP to 1 and intentionally leave a few AP-boosting enemies alive. If you line things up right, a single skill can wipe out several of them at once, and each kill can independently trigger Last Yell, rapidly snowballing your Voltage. This Voltage can then be reinvested into activating MORE Last Yell Boosts, amplifying the effect even further.

//When it’s time to face the boss, you repeat the process: bring your AP back down to 1 and use the Voltage you’ve generated to trigger Act Again instead. With the right setup and a bit of RNG, this effectively converts 100 Voltage into multiple skill activations, each one hitting with +8 damage or more.

//And again, this lasts across the whole battle, so you don't need to reapply it to characters after each wave.

//Unfortunately, I didn't have much of a chance to actually TEST this power, because most of the fights I did in this part of the story only lasted around two rounds, and in the major boss one (spoilers) the first round only has you use two characters on the field, and the rest of your squad join in the second round. So there wasn't really any way I could use this in-game hack effectively. But it's definitely something to keep in mind for the future.

//So I grinded a bunch of BP, and got everyone in the squad to learn it.

//I DID consider maybe going on an exploration, because I want to upgrade my gear and potions and don't have enough levels or gear for it at the moment. However, I decided against it, because Nozomi is unavailable for the current period; being too focused on taking care of Moko, and can't come out with us.

//Nozomi kind of carries me during lengthy explorations, so I didn't want to risk going out there without her.

DAY 58:

//Day 58 was pretty uneventful overall. The only major development is that Moko seems to have come down with a fever, and things aren’t looking good for her. Her condition just keeps getting worse, adding to the growing sense of hopelessness surrounding her situation, and Nozomi is running herself ragged trying to help her.

//What stood out to me most during the day was my curiosity about how the invader commander might eventually tie into the main plot.

//Once again, I’ve been speculating that she could be the mysterious 16th character, though based on what’s currently happening, I’m still not entirely sure how that would work. There’s just not enough narrative groundwork laid for that twist, at least not yet.

//Again, nothing much happened today, I just spent the Free Time like I normally would, but the day wraps up with another flashback to Karua.

//In the scene, Karua is nursing a sick dog back to health, and Takumi ends up taking care of her when she herself inevitably falls ill from looking after it. Again, all of these Karua scenes tie back to her subtle connection to Nozomi in some way, and Nozomi herself is being shown to be losing sleep and health because she's too serious about taking care of Moko, just as Karua was this dog.

//It also retroactively explains her actions during the prologue, where she ran off after the stray dog that turns out to be Sirei. She just has a strong instinct to protect lost or sick animals, even at her own expense.

//By the way, I should mention something I’ve noticed but haven’t brought up until now: almost all of Takumi’s flashbacks involving Karua have Clair de Lune playing softly in the background.

//For you Danganronpa fans out there who somehow don't recognize it, that's Kaede's song from V3 that plays at the end of Chapter 1 when Shuichi is in her lab by himself, after she's died. It's a song that's pretty synonymous with Kaede and V3 as a whole, and in the music credits of the game, she's even listed as the song's composer.

//While that track is often associated with Danganronpa, it’s interesting that it only shows up once or twice in those games. Apparently, it's used far more heavily in The Evil Within, which makes sense when you realize that Masafumi Takada, the composer for both Danganronpa and The Hundred Line, also did the music for that game.

//I haven't played The Evil Within, so I don't really understand the deeper meaning of that song being in it, but there's not really much reason for it to be tied to Karua in all the scenes we see of her. So rather than being a deliberate thematic reference, I get the sense that Takada just really, REALLY likes that song, lol.

DAY 59:

//Shouma is clearly forging a deeper connection with the enemy commander. Despite the language barrier between them, he's managed to prove that meaningful communication is possible between our species. Apparently, he spoke to her, and, surprisingly, she not only understood him but seemed to genuinely enjoy the exchange. It’s a small but powerful gesture that suggests a potential bridge between our two worlds.

//However, this development doesn't sit well with the rest of the unit, and it’s easy to understand why.

//The more Shouma learns about the commander, the harder it becomes to uphold the narrative that the Invaders are fundamentally alien or inhuman. They're intelligent, capable of understanding language, and able to form emotional connections, just as any regular human being could. Considering they also use hemoanima to fight and transform, really, the only difference between us and them at this point in terms of nature is that we speak different languages.

//In particular, the likes of Kyoshika and Kurara don't like it, because as far as they're concerned, the Invaders are murderous monsters who must be annihilated. Likening them to fellow humans when protecting humanity is the reason we're here in the first place doesn't bode well for them.

//So when Shouma starts treating the enemy with empathy or even curiosity, it feels like a betrayal of purpose. After all, we’re supposed to be here to protect humanity, not question whether the so-called monsters we're fighting might actually be people too. As those differences fade, so too does the moral clarity of our mission.

//On a different note, I’ve noticed a shift in the game’s pacing. Earlier on, I remember complaining that there wasn’t enough free time to explore or build relationships, but now, I seem to have more downtime than I know what to do with.

//Wanting to make use of it, I went to the school library in the afternoon to boost my social stats and ended up reading yet another heavily censored book. But this one had an interesting detail that stood out.

//It confirmed something I’d been suspecting, and that I talked about in my previous posts for this game. Not all media was simply lost after the Tokyo Residential Complex was established. Some of it was DELIBERATELY destroyed. Specifically, anything containing records of human history before the Complex existed.

//That revelation adds an unsettling layer to the worldbuilding. It makes you wonder what exactly are they trying so hard to erase? What truths have been buried under layers of propaganda and silence?

//We obviously know it's related to World Death, but even that suggests there's more behind World Death's origins and what it actually is than we're let in on.

//With the strange behavior of the Invaders, Shouma’s growing bond with the commander, and the increasingly obvious signs of a rewritten history, I’m starting to question the entire narrative we’ve been given. The real question is...are we REALLY the heroes of this story?

//Again, mostly standard day, but I do want to quickly make a note that there was this line in the breakfast scene that suggested that not even Shouma's dog loved him, and was actually trying to run away from him. Which is actually super depressing, because Shouma's dog was supposed to be the only thing in the world that cared about him, and is the very reason he's out here fighting.

DAY 60:

//We've offically been here for two months, and all dumbass Sirei could do was show up in a suit, apparently not having prepared anything.

//This is where the somewhat casual air of the story starts to take a bit of a turn, and we get more suggestions as to what's really going on here. It starts off with Moko not getting any better, so Nozomi prepares to go out and get ingredients so she can make some kind of medicine with the Gift-O'-Matic. Takumi doesn't want her going alone, so he heads out with her.

//This isn't my first rodeo doing this as part of the story. We basically have to move the characters around the board to three locations to progress. After touching down on the second one though, it suddenly starts raining.

//That rain becomes a thunderstorm after grabbing the third and final ingredient, and not wanting to be struck by lightning, Takumi and Nozomi duck into a nearby building to wait out the storm.

//This is a pretty crucial moment, because this is the first time that Takumi and Nozomi have been alone since they met. And not in a hostile way either.

//However, even though this is Takumi's chance to finally have a one-on-one conversation with her about her potential connection to his childhood friend, he reads the room, and decides not to bring it up directly.

//Nozomi is really out here acting like she's not the most integral member of the party, smh.

//Nozomi ends up talking a little about her routine back in the TRC, though not in much detail. But in the middle of this reflective moment, she accidentally drops a major revelation; one that completely shifts Takumi’s understanding of her place in the story.

//Without meaning to, she lets it slip that she WASN'T recruited into the war effort the same way the rest of us were. In fact, from what she says, it becomes clear that she was never meant to be at the Last Defense Academy at all.

//At least...that's what I'm getting.

//By this point, I had already started to suspect something was off about Nozomi compared to the rest of the group. Rather, I had expected as much since her debut in the trailer; purely from the fact that she had a different means of combat than everyone else.

//Everyone at the academy shares one critical trait: we all have a specific kind of special blood anomaly that enables us to wield Hemoanima...or at the very least, that's the feeling I'm getting from Shouma's flashbacks to the Kamukura hospital. It’s the cornerstone of our combat potential and the primary reason we were drafted into this war.

//But Nozomi stands out. She’s never demonstrated the same affinity for Hemoanima as the rest of us. Instead, she relies entirely on her custom artificial armor to fight. And now, with this accidental admission, the pieces begin to fall into place.

//My guess is the real reason she can’t use Hemoanima is because she doesn’t have the blood type, and she was never compatible in the first place. Unlike the rest of us, she wasn’t chosen; she herself chose this path. She VOLUNTEERED to fight in a war she wasn’t meant to be a part of.

//Realizing she’s said too much, Nozomi goes quiet. But instead of shutting down completely or deflecting with a lie, she simply asks Takumi to drop the subject...for now.

//I like Nozomi's reaction to this. She doesn't freak out about it, she just makes a calm request. It shows that she trusts him, not just to keep her secret, but to respect her boundaries. And considering how rocky they started off, this is a good thing.

//She’s not ready to talk about it, and yet she’s vulnerable enough in his presence to admit that.

//However, the situation however only gets more confusing after that.

//Nozomi quietly reveals that her mother was a researcher; a detail that immediately draws ANOTHER parallel to Karua, whose mother is also known to be involved in scientific work. We found this out during Karua's introduction in the prologue.

//But as Nozomi continues, the similarities begin to blur into something more unsettling. She offhandedly mentions that her own birth was one of her mother’s many experiments, implying she may have been created or modified as part of a larger scientific agenda. It’s this almost chilling admission that casts her entire existence in a more ambiguous, possibly artificial light.

//Adding to that mystery, Nozomi's mother is supposedly dead, while Karua’s mother is still alive...

//...as far as WE presume, at least. The truth is, we have never MET Karua's mother. She only talks about how she's never home, so the possibility that Karua's mother could be gone is also non-zero.

//There's a chance that Karua's mother did pass away, and Karua never really talked about it to the Sumino family.

//And then there’s the matter of their fathers. Both Nozomi and Karua lost their fathers in car accidents during childhood. That parallel feels too specific to be coincidence, yet the emotional texture around each story is distinct enough to prevent an easy conclusion.

//I just want to give this game credit for doing a really good job at handling the Nozomi/Karua mystery. Because no mystery in this game has fucked with my brain more than this one.

//These two seem to share a mirrored origin, as if they’re reflections of one another rather than entirely separate people. On the surface, they appear fundamentally different in personality, outlook, and role in the story, but they are strikingly aligned in appearance, backstory, connections to scientific institutions, and a sense of being shaped by forces beyond their control.

//The game is walking a fine line, skillfully feeding just enough symmetry to make you suspicious, while also presenting enough divergence to keep you uncertain.

//There have been so many possibilities and explanations brought up so far. Are they sisters? Clones? Variants from different timelines?

//None of those feel right, and yet, there's no clearly obvious way to explain it either, other than Karua and Nozomi just ARE the same person. But again, even THAT doesn't feel right with all that we know so far!

DAY 61:

//By the time Takumi and Nozomi return to the academy the next morning, having weathered the storm overnight, they're greeted at the entrance by Eito, who’s waiting with unexpected news.

//Though their original reason for venturing out was to gather ingredients to make medicine for Moko, it turns out that Moko has already made a full recovery in their absence. And sure enough, when we return to the cafeteria, there she is, waiting for us.

//(GOD she is so absurdly big...!)

//Upon reuniting, Moko properly introduces herself for the first time, and her presence INSTANTLY shifts the atmosphere. What follows is a heartwarming reunion between her and Nozomi.

//As for Moko herself...Yeah, I REALLY like her!

//It becomes clear pretty quickly that all the good feats Nozomi spouted about Moko before are true. She's loud, goofy, and delightfully over-the-top, she barrels into the scene with an energy that’s impossible to ignore. Her personality is larger than life, and in just this brief introduction, she manages to bring levity and laughter.

//There’s something incredibly endearing about how unfiltered and open she is, even when she's saying some kind of violent bullshit. She has a kind of “big sister” presence, but not in a solemn or protective way, more in the sense that she’s the type to ruffle your hair, tease you relentlessly, and then throw you over her shoulder affectionately.

//Even in this short exchange, it’s hard not to smile when she’s on screen.

//Although, we do get a very brief hint that something's not quite right with her when everyone asks if she's fit and fighting ready to combat the Invaders. More on that in a bit though.

DAY 62:

//Takumi begins today dwelling on his discussions with Nozomi, and isn't really giving much attention to her accidental confession. Instead, he's focusing more in the experimental side of things.

//Assuming Nozomi IS Karua, he suspects that the experiments that Nozomi underwent is the reason why she doesn't remember him. Which...you know, I'm willing to give credence on this line of thinking. Even if I am left guessing, that's still a better avenue than nothing.

//But even with that, there's so much lore to unpack here.

//For reasons that I can't quite explain, I keep going to check up on the captured commander every morning before I head to the restaurant, thinking that she might do something or say anything to me. I kind of wanted to see if anything had changed behind the scenes.

//On the first day when I went to check on her she looked sad, but since then, her expression is more passive and she hasn't been saying anything. She's not been smiling or anything, but I keep going back to look.

//Entering the cafeteria, Moko is standing in the middle of the room and recounting a story that's making everyone laugh their asses off over it.

//Moko tells a lot of stories at breakfast over the course of these few days. The best part about them is I can't tell if they're tall tales or not, because knowing who's writing this game, these events are perfectly plausible.

//What made me laugh was that whenever all the characters are in a room together, I have a tendency to talk to all the characters I'm not supposed to talk to, then talk to the important character to progress the story; just so I don't miss out on all the optional dialogue. And this time when I did it, I talked to Ima, who was basically saying that he's worried that Kako would be inspired by Moko, and hopes that she doesn't start thinking she wants to be like her, followed immediately by Kako saying she wants to be just like her. That gave me a tickle.

//We actually cut to business quickly after the story, and as it turns out, Moko, suspiciously, doesn't remember anything when she got captured by the invaders, suggesting that her memory had been wiped. So we're unfortunately not getting much out of her on THAT front for the moment.

//Not that I expected we would. We don't tend to have a lot of luck with this kind of thing.

//It took me a while to click honestly. I thought that the game was suggesting that Shouma was going to have a romantic tension with the Invader we captured, but right now it seems more like he's treating her like a pet.

//RESPECTFULLY of course, but he's not quite seeing her as an equal human being. Or rather, maybe he is seeing her as an equal, but only because he himself thinks he's on a dog's level.

DAY 63:

//NOOOOTHING FUUUUCKING HAAAAPPEEEENED!

//Basically we just rinse and repeated what happened the previous day. Wake up, hear Moko chatting about shit in the cafeteria, something doesn't seem right, Free Time.

//I do have a couple small highlights. For one, you can talk to Yugamu in the hallway before you go to breakfast.

//Takumi and Yugamu haven't had a single wholesome interaction yet. Takumi just DOES NOT LIKE THIS MAN, haha.

//Similarly, Darumi clearly doesn't like Moko at all. But obviously, that's because happy situations where people are alive and merry are her kryptonite basically.

//And once again, Nozomi herself seems to be noticing more keenly that something is up with Moko.

DAY 64:

//That kind of culminates into today, and the following day too.

//The moment you walk into the cafeteria, you sense there's something off about Moko. Unlike the last two days, she’s not at her usual post telling the morning story, and instead looking distant and aloof in the corner, in a way that's kind of eerie.

//I actually kind of started getting chills at this point. I should have realized at that time that they must have meant something.

//More directly, the news for today is that through his interactions, Shouma has somehow taught the Invader to speak like a human. Or at the very least, he managed to teach her how to say the word "Beautiful" in their language.

//I honestly do feel a little bit bad for Shouma in this part of the story, because he clearly cares about the Invader we captured. But everyone else is treating her like a feral animal with rabies, and honestly, that might be the safer bet. But still, she doesn’t seem violent. I just hope Shouma’s attachment doesn’t end up getting someone hurt, or cause a rift in the group.

//Later that evening, Nozomi shows up at Takumi’s door, and invites him to a quiet classroom to talk privately. She says she suspects Moko is hiding something, which...yeah, no kidding. Moko’s whole vibe has been really off lately, despite having a really corny introduction.

//After a short conversation, Nozomi agrees to confront her. It's risky, but we need answers before this situation spirals any further out of control.

DAY 65:

//This is where things go from "Oh God" to "OH SHIT!"

//Remember how I mentioned that this part of the story is the most emotional trainwreck we've seen so far? Well, here's why.

//Moko tells another story in the morning, and I swear, these tales get more outlandish as things go along.

//But more importantly, Takumi suspects that Nozomi called Moko to the same room she called him the previous day, and worrying for her, he goes to eavesdrop.

//Things...don't go well.

//Kudos to Nozomi, she at least goes out of her way to explain thoroughly to Moko what she noticed, and why she was concerned, on top of giving her very good reasoning for it. But Moko's response is to blow up on her, and she even accuses her of being a fake friend, getting close for no reason other than wanting whatever information she forgot about the Invaders.

//And it becomes very clear very quickly why Moko is suddenly acting so untowards...and it's NOT pretty.

//Takumi goes to check up on Nozomi afterwards to see if she's okay, and ends up coming clean about eavesdropping.

//Side note, Nozomi's room is actually super cute and cozy looking. Not-Not really much of a big deal, kinda just wanted to mention it because I like it.

//Anyway, a conversation ensues, and Takumi comforts Nozomi, sympathizing with her, and Nozomi resolves to apologize to Moko in the morning.

//Things seem like they're really tense after Moko and Nozomi's argument, but then somehow, things get even worse.

//And by the way...get used to hearing me say that. Because for these last few days to cover here, we just get bad news after bad news after bad news, and we keep getting the shit beaten out of us by the narrative.

//The boy wreathed in the Undying Flames appears again in Takumi’s room that night, and as we are already aware of by now, every time he shows up, disaster follows. First, it was Sirei’s death, then Hiruko vanished, etcetera.

//Takumi doesn’t waste a second. He bolts after the boy, convinced the ghost is headed toward the Defense Room (Not sure why because if the ghost was looming in the school he'd have multiple chances to get to the Defense Room, but...okay)

//But instead of catching up to him, he runs straight into Moko in the hallway. And this is where everything gets surreal.

//Moko's dialogue starts glitching with random capital letters in it. Her sprite begins to warp as well, and as Takumi follows her, her features become twisted and grotesque.

//When Takumi finally reaches the Defense Room, it’s not the boy waiting there, but Moko. And what he sees is nothing short of a nightmare. Moko is standing far too close to the barrier of Undying Flames. Takumi tries to pull her back, to stop her from breaching whatever lies behind the fire, but then she turns...

//OH FUCK MY ASS!!!??

//Yeah, not gonna lie, even with the buildup, this CG scared the SHIT out of me! It was WAY more horrifying than I thought it would end up being, and it's enough to make someone pull a Tsubasa and throw the hell up.

//When I first saw what was going on, I had the sickening thought that what happened is the Invaders turned Moko into one of them when they captured her. I haven't talked about it explicitly, but I had this theory before that the Invaders weren’t born, but were actually humans twisted into something else. If they captured Moko, maybe that’s what happened to her. And maybe all of her weird mannerisms the previous few days were just the result of her humanity slipping away.

//Just as things spiral completely out of control, not only does Nozomi appear, but the Undying Flames react, almost like they recognize her presence. They lash out at "Moko," hurling her out of the room and out of the school entirely.

//Takumi and Nozomi go to get her, but before that, Takumi insists they suit up. So with it being just the two of them, and with no alarms sounding, they jump into the battlefield.

//Before we fight, we get a few more cutscenes of Nozomi trying to get through to Moko. I get where she's coming from, like, she really wants to believe there’s still a piece of her friend left in that thing, but man, she’s really slow to accept that Moko is long gone.

//It’s rough to watch honestly. The story is putting Nozomi through the emotional wringer, and she barely gets a breath before it throws her into another devastating scene.

//The first round of the fight kicks off with just Nozomi and Takumi squaring off against the thing wearing Moko’s face, and a swarm of smaller, shadow-like creatures she summons.

//I'm gonna be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting her to hit that hard (despite, you know, the fact that Moko is a wrestler), so Takumi actually got taken out in the first round. Luckily, he did enough damage, and Nozomi finished Moko off pretty quickly.

/.Visually, this whole display is horrifically stunning. Not only is the enemy design grotesque, but the dialogue cuts deep. The horror elements are firing on all cylinders, and I think this is the closest I've ever been to finding one of Kodaka's games genuinely scary.

//Thankfully, backup arrives just in time. The rest of the gang shows up finally, where Yugamu puts his bizarre and encyclopedic knowledge of the human body to use, and explains the full scope of the situation.

//As it turns out, Moko wasn’t possessed, and she didn’t turn into anything. What we’ve been fighting isn’t Moko at all. It’s an Invader Commander wearing her skin, and it's been im impersonating her from the start.

//Looking back, this explains A LOT. It explains how and why Moko was able to get through the wall of fire without any hemoanima-based fire hydrant, and ALSO why when she showed up, the school alarm sounded. It's kinda freaky looking back and noticing all the oddities.

//Then Fake Moko turns up the nightmare factor, as she starts creating twisted shadow versions of the team; one for each of us. It’s a full-blown shadow clone battle, and honestly, it’s a fun mechanic.

//Darumi throws out a meta-comment pre-fight, "Clones make things easier for the devs," which cracks me up even as I’m clenching through the chaos.

//Honestly, this battle, at least for the first half, is TOUGH! More than I expected. The shadow clones have all our moves and abilities, and the only saving grace is that they don't have much health, meaning one good super move is taking them out easily. It's best to make sure you use the characters who can hit in a wide area with their attacks, like Gaku or Ima.

//But I make a point to let Nozomi land the final blow. She’s earned it.

//When the Invader finally collapses, it drops the mask. I'm impressed because this wasn't just mimicry. This thing had access to all of Moko’s memories, her voice, her habits, everything. It was a near-perfect copy. The only reason we even noticed something was wrong was because of the subtle breaks.

//Then comes the gut punch: the commander confirms it. The real Moko is dead. There’s no saving her. She’s gone. And with that, any hope of her returning to the team dies too.

//On top of that, the commander's initial plan was to go in under the guise of Moko being sick, and get to the Defense Room without anyone noticing. But because Nozomi never left its side, that was impossible. They tried to do it on the day Nozomi left with Takumi, which is why Moko conviniently woke up.

//So we're probably not even gonna be able to see what Moko can do until we do another playthrough, where we might get a chance to save her before she gets captured.

//This affects everyone pretty badly, because they'd all grown to really like Moko, only now finding out she was never the real deal. Just a copy that was out to get them all. The scene ends with Eito killing it when it went silent.

//Out of rage, detest, and spite against the Invaders for what they did to Moko, the others are ready to take it out on the Invader we’ve been keeping locked up, the one Shouma’s been trying to reach. Ultimately though, they’re simply heartbroken, betrayed, and just looking for somewhere to put that pain.

//But before it explodes into another tragedy, Eito steps in. Then Takumi. And, in what might be the most heartbreaking part of all, even Nozomi asks everyone to stop. Despite being ridden with Despair over finding out her best friend was killed by the enemy and impersonated, she rightfully points out that now's not really a good time. They should come to a conclusion in the morning.

DAY 66:

//No, far from it. Day 65 was an emotional beating in and of itself, but waking up literally the next morning, and things somehow go from ABSOLUTELY AWFUL to EVEN WORSE!

//We honestly shouldn't have even brought up the possibility of killing the Invader we captured, because lo and behold, that bitch ESCAPED from the cage!

//The timing is way too convenient. The lock on her holding cell has been clearly broken, not picked or bypassed, and considering she didn't have the means of getting out on her own because her abilities were deactivated, someone let her out. That much is obvious.

//Naturally, all eyes turn to Shouma. He had the motive and he had the access, since he was assigned to watch her. It adds up on the surface, but even the characters themselves point out that it still doesn’t sit right. Shouma doesn't have the emotional will to betray everyone, as much as he cared for the Invader and as much as he tried to defend her. Plus, he had the key to her cage, so why would he break the lock.

//Personally, I suspect Eito again. He's still my prime suspect for killing Sirei and making Hiruko vanish, as well as burning our food. So this could be the next phase of his plan.

//The problem is I really don't understand his angle this time, assuming that he IS the traitor.

//Then again, I never understand what his angle is. He’s clearly trying to weaken us from within for whatever reason, but this seems like a really unprompted tactic. Why release someone we were planning to execute anyway?

//Takumi, on the other hand, doubles down on blaming the Undying Flames Boy. He’s convinced the ghost is orchestrating all of this from the shadows.

//But Nozomi, ever the voice of reason despite everything, finally pushes back, finally pointing out that without the boy’s sudden appearance, Takumi never would have found Fake Moko in time. If anything, the boy SAVED us.

//I don't really get why Takumi is so insistent the Undying Flames boy is evil when he hasn't really done anything untowards yet. Takumi might just be that stupid, or at the very least, he's not spending much time thinking about it.

//And just as we’re all knee-deep in suspicion and tension, the situation gets even worse. Turns out, the escaped Invader didn’t leave alone.

//One thing that everyone noticed early that morning is that the Tsukumo Twins didn't show up to breakfast. We assumed they were late again, because they both slept in after the last big battle we did, but the situation is...far worse than we thought.

//Takumi goes to the Entrance Hall, and as he does, Kako suddenly comes back in, dressed in her Class Armor, and no sign of Ima. She passes out, and after she recovers, we find out that the Invader left the academy and took him hostage.

//Ima. The newest member of our team. The one who just started opening up, started fitting in. And now he’s gone.

//But...haha...SAY IT WITH ME EVERYONE! "IT! GETS! WORSE!"

//The fire extinguishers in the entrance hall and the emergency ones on the bus are BOTH BROKEN. So not only can we not get outside the Wall of Flames to chase after Ima and save him but we’re essentially TRAPPED IN THE SCHOOL! Surrounded by the Undying Flames, with no clear way out.

//This is bad for multiple reasons. The main one is that we obviously can't rescue Ima from whatever fate he's currently suffering, but also we get most of our resources from random shit we happen to scavange in the wild. Now we can't even do that.

// might be misremembering here, but I'm pretty sure Takumi blames the Undying Flames boy again.

I still don’t understand Takumi’s obsession with him. Every time he’s shown up, something helpful has happened, if not directly, then indirectly. He’s never spoken a word, never raised a hand against us. If anything, he seems like the only one trying to guide us. And yet, Takumi can’t let it go.

//The loss of Ima hits hard. We were just beginning to get to know him, to fold him into the rhythm of the group. And now, just like Hiruko, and just like Moko, he’s gone. Probably permanently. At this point, I’m scared to hope for anything different.

Conclusion:

//After my disappointments from the previous arc of the story, this one brought some amazing plot points, mysteries, and generally awesome times all around. Here's my takeaways:

The mystery of how Nozomi is connected to Karua, or whether they are the same person or not, is starting to become more and more layered, and as such, I gradually grow more and more interested in it.

I feel really bad for Nozomi in this part. She got emotionally damaged by what happened and I don't know how she's going to cope with it going forward.

Shouma's unexpected fondness and budding relationship with the Invader Commander, though it only lasted a few days, was unexpected, but not unwelcome. I enjoyed it.

The whole situation with Moko turning out to be an enemy commander in disguise was so sad, so TERRIFYING, and so BRILLIANT. Day 65 genuinely had my heart racing the whole time.

My hopes for Ima's survival after this are not high. Now that the Invaders have him, I think it's light's out for him. He's in my prayers though.

I am honestly a little disappointed that both Ima and Moko are gone. I only got to use Ima in two battles, and I didn't get to use Moko in ANY. I'm really hoping my theory about the timeline reset is right so I can use them both for real.

//Man, you don't know how good it feels to finally be back to playing this game again. Like I said, I was starting to go into withdrawals during my break. I'm enjoying it THAT much, even with all the despair and pain it's giving me.

//Can't wait to see what happens next~

-Mod

[santae-salt]

When Cj had one of his discord crashouts he and I had a long convo. The result of it was that I pushed him to take a month off and come back ready to refresh things. In my head that meant the TOS, staff, how communications were structured, pretty much retrain everyone from scratch to show the userbase that he was committed to change. While he seemed agreeable to this idea I didn't hear about any of it actually happening and we recently got another crashout that proved he has no intention to change even when given advice on how to do.

So here's some of the highlights from our conversation. While I was going to keep them to myself as an act of goodwill, I feel none of that anymore. This is chopped up because it's a looooong convo, but I have all the screenshots if anyone wants the full thing.

So we start off with him trying to communicate through voice clips and then throwing his staff under the bus for timing me out in beta gen while I was talking to him.

Next we have him giving surprised pikachu about his staff saying one thing and him immediately overwriting it.

Then we have Cj trying to say he's never told anyone to not feel their feelings. My first serious interaction with Cj on site was him telling me that the site was not about my feelings soooo....

At this point he tries to exit the conversation because I'm not playing ball with him and I point out he hasn't really addressed anything I've brought up to him and he says he hadn't read that yet and will. He says he's on the side of leniency over shutting down discussions as well as him having responded to my last hurrah feedback thread multiple times which beyond shutting it down, he didn't do. Showing once again how Cj seems to believe he exists in a reality where he does the opposite of what the rest of us see.

Next we have a triple whammy of playing dumb, justifying how he talks to people, and then implying it never happened.

Guys. Cj is very anti-censorship. He says so. Unless you hurt his feelings. Then that doesn't count.

But I should feel grateful he's hearing me out because what site listens to their users like this? I'm pretty sure I've spoken to staff on every pet site I've ever played barring Neopets and Flightrising. Apparently though all communities are bad and he's a saint for trying to interact at all.

He doesn't start drama guys.

Did you know Santae is all done being built? It's practically a finished project.

And he's never yelled at someone. Just ignore all those times where he yelled at someone.

Also apparently nobody has ever applied to work on coding the site, which I know for a fact is untrue. Shortly after he says people did try to apply and actually throws Ember under the bus for it. Requiring your programmer on a pet site to be a comp sci major or whatever is craaaaazy.

Also he admits he fired the writers between his own paranoia and feeling like they were taking his story away from him.

Commentary on the staff walkout and their demands. I would love to hear from former staff about this.

But actually he agrees that everything needs way more work and isn't all that great. Especially stuff that I've been harping about since I was playing the game like the news where he repeatedly told us that "It's an rpg, this is how it is."

He also says I was a good member of the community in spite of not seeming to know who I was earlier in the evening in Sancord when I first confronted him (no proof of this as I'm not in sancord anymore and it's probably gone anyway)

He starts to be more agreeable and seems to be thinking about what I'm saying. He can't leave because of how hard it would be to write news posts, but he'll consider it. We end in peace.

Take of all that what you will, but I thought some people would enjoy the wild ride I went on and show that he isn't ignorant to what we think, he's just choosing not to do anything positive about it. Like I said, I have the whole convo saved, but the highlights alone are long enough so if anyone wants the full context just message me.

☁️

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

The "I guess I wanted to lean on you" really got me.

I looked through twitter and tumblr and most discussions were around them cuddling.

But within the context of everything else they went through together, those words hold so much weight.

I am glad they have each other and can lean on each other.

Also, I wish they could tell us more stories from the last 18 months. But we may not get all the stories considering majority of that has taken place inside the military.

There's definitely a metaphorical connotation there, impossible to ignore. Especially in the context of Jungkook being there for Jimin during training and then the other way around.

As for future stories, I personally don't hold my breath. For a few reasons. Even if they open the topic again, everything will most likely be a short, sanitized version and I say that based on how Jimin and Jungkook expressed their thoughts today. They aknowledged the hardships, but they also highlighted the other soldiers who are still serving and thought of them as well. Whatever else that could be said is mostly self reflection.

Another reason would be that once they have been discharged, stories for public cosumption are few. Just think of other idols or just the other two from BTS who were already done with their service if that's your frame of reference. How much and how often have they talked about their experiences, apart from seldom occassions in the beginning? Everyone wants to move on and leave that period in their life behind. The focus was turned the future and they went back to work immediately.

Of course, this doesn't mean, KM will follow the same pattern. Them being companions in the military has put them into a unique spot and hence, they might deal with that differently. We shall see. I also wouldn't be surprised if Jungkook spills some tea during his middle of the night livestreams. But right now, I think we're dealing with too many unknowns and it's still difficult to get an understanding of the entire picture. Things need to settle first.

[mrkestis]

Rogue Planet - Greg Bear

A Spoiler-Free Star Wars Book Review

Summary: three years after the invasion of Naboo and the death of Qui-Gon Jinn, young Anakin Skywalker and his master Obi-Wan Kenobi are sent on a mission to find the lost Jedi Vergere. Their journey takes them to the mysterious and legendary planet Zonama Sekot, where the fastest ships in the galaxy are rumoured to be created.

On this planet Anakin will face trials that could shape the course of the rest of his life, and both master and apprentice will encounter some of the great mysteries of the known, and unknown, universe.

Rating: 3.25 ⭐️

My thoughts (spoiler-free):

Let me describe this book with one picture:

In this story we follow Anakin ”adrenaline junkie�� Skywalker and Obi-Wan ”stressed parent” Kenobi, and their dynamic is the highlight of the book. Anakin dealing with his trauma by competing in all types illegal racing, and Obi-Wan patiently but exasperatedly becoming well versed in Anakin’s ”radius of potential mischief” in order to take care of him is the content I want. The angst is also never-ending because Anakin doubts his place amongst the Jedi (he thinks they don’t actually want him and just keep him around for his potential), and Obi-Wan doubts his ability to train the boy.

We get quotes like:

”He and Anakin might’ve been brothers separated by only a dubble handful of years, but Obi-Wan was the closest thing the boy could ever have to a father.”

”Obi-Wan had never felt such a strength of connection with any other being, not even Qui-Gon Jinn.”

”Are you ever cheerful, master?”

"Obi-Wan felt a strong urge not to wake the boy up, to let him sleep like this forever, to forever anticipate a great adventure, forever dream of personal triumph and joy. This feeling held too much sentiment and weakness to be allowed, but he allowed it nevertheless. This must be how a father feels, looking down on his son, worried about an uncertain future, Obi-Wan thought.”

This period of Anakin and Obi-Wan’s relationship is so underrated, and also severely under-explored in canon. I hope we get a new canon book about them with this type of dynamic soon! Another little detail from this book that I wish was explored in canon as well is Obi-Wan using Qui-Gon’s lightsaber for a significant time after his master’s death.

I’m very picky about Anakin Skywalkers characterisation in Star Wars books, and this story had both positives and negatives. I like that his extreme force sensitivity was emphasised. For example he describes that when he’s meditating it feels like plugging into a supernova, and Obi-Wan constantly mentions how Anakin senses thing more strongly and vividly than him. I also like that his childhood trauma is discussed and affects him deeply, and that it intertwines with his force sensitivity. For example Anakin describes that he dreads sleep, because ”it seemed like in his dreams that something inside was testing him. Something very strong, and it did not care wether it was loved or feared.”

What I don’t like about Anakin’s characterisation in this story was the description of his dark side. It was almost portrayed like an aspect of himself he had no control over, and when it came forth he had no agency over his actions. I don’t like this because while trauma and manipulation certainly played a major part in his turn to the dark side, it was ultimately a choice he willingly made. That’s important, because it makes his choice to turn back to the light so much more impactful in Return of the Jedi.

I also don’t like when Star Wars stories hint at Anakin’s fall to the dark side being inevitable, because it wasn’t! He was steadily on that path for many years, but it was still an avoidable tragedy up until the very end.

(This following paragraph has minor spoilers so you can skip to the next if you want no spoilers at all!). At several points in this book Qui-Gon Jinn speaks to Anakin and Obi-Wan. In one scene they both have to throw things into a fire and watch them burn, and Qui-Gon starts spouting a prophecy about how this is Anakin’s fate and that there will be heat, death and resurrection… So he basically describes that Anakin will burn to a crisp and become Darth Vader, and I don’t like that this is portrayed as his predetermined destiny. However, I do like the idea of Qui-Gon’s ghost floating around and whispering prophecies to people.

The plot of the book is kinda…boring. We spend a lot of time on Zonama Sekot and explore how its inhabitants build semi-living ships, which is an interesting concept, but when most of the book is explanations of the different stages and rituals in the building process it gets very tedious. There are also so many other interesting aspects of the planet but just get brushed over. The plot with Vergere introduces a lot of concepts that I know will become relevant in later legends books, but If you read just this one it feels unfinished and very confusing.

The trials Anakin are described to go on are also just…not that challenging. The events of The Phantom Menace were a hundred times more difficult for Anakin, and yet this book tries to say that this story sets up the path for the rest of Anakin’s life. These events actually shouldn’t have any significant impact in my opinion.

One of my least favorite Star Wars characters is in this book. Tarkin…the racist and fascist with no redeeming qualities. So that didn’t really make the book more enjoyable for me. A character I did like however is one named Charza Kwinn. He’s a Priapulin (a worm basically) pilot working for the Jedi with a ship full of water and aquatic creatures. He’s a fun character that I think would translate very well into animated Star Wars content.

Overall the plot of this book was confusing and a bit boring, and while I really loved Anakin and Obi-Wan’s dynamic I had mixed feelings about Anakin’s characterisation. I would only recommend you read this if you crave deeper legends lore content, because I think it might become relevant in much later books, or if you’re desperate for more Obi-Wan and Anakin angst.

[girldriveroscar]

posted about this and then read it back and it felt more like a vent than I necessarily wanted so. revised version because it's still something that is On my mind...

I think discussing the f1 movie online only leads to promoting it and that's counter productive, but the recent discourse that's come from it has kind of felt. idk. odd..

I think there is pure intent, we Should highlight Brad Pitt for being an abusive awful man, but the irony of discussing this in a space that is. actively full of abusive awful men who, by choice or not, we put money into the pockets of by participating in discourse and fandom of this sport, has really given me... hm. some moral qualms about intention and awareness of the content we are consuming.

there's a pride and shame participating in fan communities/adorning team merch. I love sharing my love for this sport with other people who love this sport. but every act of participation is inherently, unconsciously or not, an endorsement of the abuses and injustices of this sport and that's... just the unavoidable truth for like majority of the entertainment we engage in. that's just to say, engagement with the sport contributes to it's popularity and it's general flow of income (not implying anyone here Actually endorses xyz). despite this, I think everyone here can attest to this community being a positive in their life in one way or another.

not posting this to. start a debate on the merits of enjoying formula one. I think there's no "perfect" answer regarding how to support formula one, besides disengaging completely but. to disengage completely, effectively to center your interests purely on selfless humanitarianism, is I think. a really complicated and bigger discussion that's not relevant to get into rn. my point is. we are in this space for selfish reasons at the end of the day and that's not a necessarily bad thing but it's something to be mindful of.

from my asks, not one mention of the ongoing genocide in sudan? the ethnic cleansing of assyrians and yazidis by kurds? the destruction of indigenous villages in brazil and argentina? the refugee wave of arab christians and shi'as from syria? all of which many f1 sponsors have been involved in for decades....? 

it's really exhausting and dehumanizing to be ignored even in a post that's attempting to acknowledge this topic in the first place you know? again sorry bc I know the entire post was to discuss the effectiveness/honesty of addressing these topics in f1 fandom but.... 

re: anon which I still wanted to keep up since they've raised a valid point; the longer you spend researching, the more you'll realize the issues impacted and funded by formula one and it's sponsors extend to. quite literally every minority group, those mentioned above and even further. (I apologize again for only scratching the surface) it's impossible to ignore the years of racism and xenophobia the driver's themselves and in turn fans have faced. the bare minimum that half the grid can't even pronounce their own coworkers name, etc. not to mention the current discussions about accessibility for women in racing, women fans and the trad content disguised as feminism. like. I don't think anyone here is ignorant to this being an exclusionary sport for the conservative elite.

that being said. I suppose. this is still a safe space for a lot of people. and there is no answer to engaging with this sport in a 100% harmless way. in having a community of friends and people I admire here, I've often felt like the discourse feels aimless and that the actual effective solution should just be monetary contribution. but then again, there is something very dehumanizing/jarring to post direct links to crowdfunds followed by rpf and getting 0 notes on the first and 100 on the latter. so what is the right answer..h mmmm

pointing fingers at each other feels kind of odd regardless, in the general... context of what it is we support. suppose the point. at all. is just to say the good is that we've created spaces for queer sports fans, women and fem-presenting sports fans and people from all over the world from all economic backgrounds, an accessible platform to engage with something that otherwise Does feel incredibly inaccessible to the average person. despite this being a community that does not traditionally welcome us, fan spaces champion change to push this sport in the direction that it might. it's certainly easier to make an impact outside this sport, which I personally feel like is my answer to this question, as in. achieving at least a net sum zero towards being a part of the motorsports community while also working towards positive change against it.

I don't think I have a solid conclusion here, it's more just something that's weighed on my mind to stay silent on. as I said in the og post, depending on how much traction or whatever this gets, I'll reconsider how I feel about posting these sorts of things in the first place. but. I'd rather say somettttthing than just ignore it and move on. thank u for reading, if u read the og or this one lol

Salam Animal Care // CARE FOR GAZA // Buy an E-sim for Gaza

FOTC // URGENT support needed in Goma

immigrants in federal detentions // anonymous ICE reportings

WFP Donations to Sudan // SAPA

contact your congress members

there's plenty more to talk about, to link, etc. and there's plenty more ways to help out outside of donations. hope this is somewhat an ok start to this conversation, if you have anything to add my dms are open

[cornucopiawrites]

(tags by @marrowlark)

This is a great point. Makima's views on erasing herself are difficult to fully understand. But I do want to highlight how Chapter 84 very strongly suggests that she sees herself getting eaten by CSM as a kind of inevitable outcome.

When she discusses how she will erase concepts to create a "better world", this is how she frames it:

Now, even before Part 2 and the introductions of Yoru, Fami, and Death, readers connected the concepts she listed to the biblical four horsemen. And already there was speculation that the "Four Horsemen" are a thing in the CSM universe.

The one that's missing from Makima's list. Conquest or Pestilence. So the reader is prompted to ask:

Is the Control Devil one of the Four Horsemen?

Does the Control Devil include itself as concepts that should be erased?

The manga answers both of these questions. Here is the page that immediately follows the above:

Kishibe asks the question that we immediately thought of. And, at least in my reading, this presents a definite "yes" answer to both of the questions above. Makima is in the same group as those other concepts. Makima does think the world would be better off without the concept she represents.

I quite like the way Fujimoto did this, looking back on it. It's a degree of transparency that is atypical for him. In having Kishibe ask the question that's on our minds, the manga confirms that Kishibe is meant to be the reader's POV in this situation. In a sense, this scene is us interrogating Makima, who for the entirety of Part 1 has been the greatest enigma of the story, at gunpoint.

And, the nice lady that she is, Makima does a pretty thorough job of explaining her reasoning and motivations.

But — how to take the whole "erasing myself from existence" aspect? Well, in the framework of my original post, this could be a facet of Makima's commitment to her perceived duty to humanity — something she must eventually do for her domain. It communicates a commitment to follow through on her dream to the fullest extent possible, up to and including her own erasure from reality. But I also acknowledge that this might stem from something completely different: a desire to die. After all, her framing being devoured by CSM as a "dream" really does bring to mind suicidal ideation, doesn't it? It also brings to mind another major character...

There's one big aspect of Makima's obsession with CSM that I don't see talked about much: her desire for some sort of resolution:

For the reader, this whole business with wanting to defeat Chainsaw Man only started a few chapters ago or so. But for Makima, this has been a battle that's been going on long before Denji's story even began. She sees this as a continuation of their fight. She's been searching and chasing and therefore still fighting this whole time.

It really does echo Angel's line about wanting to die "soon." Makima wants to bring an end to this "long battle." Can Makima's ideation also be viewed as being exhausted with life? For sure. But, like @marrowlark, it's hard for me to firmly decide on one interpretation or another.

I will say that this gives Makima a kind of agency from the reader, in my mind. She's told us her plan, her motivation, and her justifications. But she hasn't let us know her emotions — she's going to keep some things to herself.

There's a good bit about the context of the battle itself that I'd like to talk about in the future, too: how Makima's "recreation" of that "height of the battle" can be viewed as trauma reenactment.

But I just don't feel like typing that out right now. B^)

[violettathepiratequeen]

May 14th, 2025

Hello there, gentle viewers! Welcome back to Buffy Slays, where I’ll be going through all 144 episodes of BtVS over the course of a year, highlighting as many of the GOOD moments, lines, character choices, worldbuilding moments, etc. etc. as I think people will have the patience to read. 

So, here we go! 

Season 2, Episode 7, “Lie to Me.”

Buffy's fifth grade flame, Billy "Ford" Fordham, unexpectedly arrives in Sunnydale with one motive: to deliver Buffy to Spike in exchange for the immortal life of a vampire. Meanwhile, Buffy and Angel confront their feelings for each other and Angel owns up to his past relationship with Drusilla. (Pulled from the BTVS Wiki.)

If you're reading along and haven't finished the show, consider this your Spoiler Warning for discussion of future episodes and major plot points in any and all of these posts.

Episode Number: #19 Episode Ranking: #77 out of 144. Writer: Joss Whedon

Top 5 Quotes:

“You have a choice. You don’t have a good choice, but you have a choice.” —Buffy

“Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get.” “I believe that’s called growing up.” —Buffy and Giles

“You’ve got a real death wish. It’s almost interesting.” —Spike

“Would I be imposing?” “Oh, only in the literal sense.” —Ford and Xander

“The bird’s dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn’t feed it, and now it’s all dead, just like the last one.” —Spike

How “Lie to Me” Slays:

Part of what makes this show so great is that its premise and storyline gets completely thrown out the window by its own characters. Season 1, and really all the high school seasons, have a very strict, Council-driven worldview that all demons are bad and must be destroyed, and that a vampire is nothing more than a demon setting up shop in a dead shell with only the memories of its previous occupant to go on. That gets tossed around and twisted, partially by Spike, by also by characters like Clem and vampire-Harmony, as well as people like Faith and Riley making Buffy come to terms with the fact that it’s not okay to just abuse demons for no reason (because she watches them do so and knows something’s wrong with this picture). However, I appreciate this episode for being firm in the fact that vampires are evil and demonic. It’s not cool to think they’re cool, and it’s sick and demonic to willingly trade your life to become one of them. The cult in this episode think of vampires as higher beings, and that they will be exalted if they get sired. And Buffy sets them all straight, saying it’ll be nothing more than a murderous, bloody feeding frenzy when Spike and friends arrive, and she’s right.  If Spike manages to turn a new leaf later on even before the soul, good for him, but he’s an anomaly, and he hasn’t turned over that new leaf yet. He and his crew in this episode are demons, they are murderers, they are evil, and they are lower beings. What I’m saying is that through the oftentimes black-and-white worldview of this show, Buffy herself actually does a pretty good job of not thinking that way. She really sees things more clearly than most, even through the gray areas. She knows when it’s okay to be a little lenient and let Harmony and Dru (and Spike) and other demons off the hook, and she knows when it’s absolutely not okay to give your life up to become a vampire. She recognizes good and evil for what they are, and what they aren’t, and she’s correct almost every single time. And that’s such an important thing to have in a protagonist.

Dru has a history with Angel, apparently, something we haven’t seen up to now! We know Spike has a history with him because of School Hard, and obviously Spike and Dru are a package deal, but Dru shows in this episode that she wants Angel, and is waiting for him to come home. He gives her a pass, telling her to take Spike and get out of town before things go badly for all of them. I’m a little obsessed with the headcanon of him being an absentee father figure to both Spike and Dru, and they just want him to come back and take care of them, but though he’s moved on and doesn’t have time for them anymore… he still wants them to be okay, so he goes behind Buffy’s back and tells them to run.

Jenny takes Giles on a secret date, much to his terror, as he doesn’t know what to wear. She makes a quip about him not owning anything besides tweed anyway… and later it’s revealed that they went to monster trucks. Something he tried to be a good sport about but clearly hated it and was grateful for the excuse to leave, but oh my goodness, I ADORE the image of Giles in a tweed suit at a monster truck rally, and if any of the rugged biker guys tried to bully him for it, Jenny probably smacked them right down.

Sometimes when Giles tries to speak Buffy’s language, it’s the most adorable thing. He notices she seems a little glum, and gives her the night off, telling her she can spend time with Angel. But of course Angel’s kind of the thing making her glum. Later when Buffy tells Giles Ford knows she’s the Slayer, he pulls her to one side and asks if she’s revealing her secret identity just to impress “cute boys,” a phrase he seems to stumble over, haha, but he’s trying. He really is.

Xander suggests a crazed dance party at the Bronze to cheer Buffy up. When she’s not enthusiastic, he offers a very calm dance party at the Bronze instead. When she still doesn’t respond, he settles on “moping at the Bronze.” Which is hilarious. And also a great image, that they make plans to go hang out at the cool club in town just to mope.

This episode has the second instance of Giles referring to Spike as “our friend.” Sarcastically of course, and he’s talking about researching the guy, BUT STILL. I get excited by these things.

Xander teases Ford about Angel… sort of, which brings me no end of enjoyment. Because he doesn’t like Ford, and he doesn’t like Angel, but when Ford is making all these comments about how old Angel is and how cold his hands are and how he knows all Buffy’s secrets… Xander just makes these digs about “You’re not wrong” and “care to make a small wager on that?” Because if he has to put up with Ford, he’s gonna flaunt his secret Angel knowledge to do it, haha.

Spike is in no way impressed by Ford, which I love, I love that this dumb, naive kid with delusions of grandeur is just someone Spike looks at with scorn. But also he DOES play along when Ford wants him to say a cheesy villain line, which is also cute, it’s cute that he humors this guy he hates. He’s ready to eat him right now, but Dru tells him to wait, and he does… immediately perking up with interest when Ford mentions bringing the Slayer to him.

Angel tells Buffy he was the one to make Dru insane before he sired her. An interesting piece of lore that will color the entire rest of their history with each other, their respective paramours, and their own character arcs. 

Spike continues to speak Dru’s language. He snaps at her about letting the bird die and expecting it still to sing for her, but he does so in her language, and then IMMEDIATELY apologizes and makes amends and holds and kisses her and offers to get her a new bird. “One that’s not dead” he says, because he has to say that, that’s how he talks to her, that’s what she understands.

Something I REALLY love about this episode is that when Buffy is told Ford is up to no good, she listens. Ford, “my bestest friend of all my friends” according to a sarcastic Xander, and a boy she had a crush on for years, is suddenly back in her life. She’s eager to have him and show him around and catch up with him, and is irritated with Angel, Willow, and Xander for going behind her back to research him and spy on him.  But then they tell her she can’t trust him. And I’ve seen far too often that when a character is told they can’t trust someone, they lash out, they dig their heels in and deny it, they are suddenly distrustful of the person telling them this rather than the one they shouldn’t be trusting. Hell, it’s happened in this show already, with Xander and Willow both (in Teacher’s Pet and I Robot, respectively). But Buffy doesn’t let her feelings for Ford cloud her judgement. Whether because she believes and trusts the friends who have been here with her over someone she had an unrequited crush on pre-Slayer, or whether it’s because she’s really good at NOT ignoring the signs in front of her saying something’s off with him, she immediately goes on the alert. She still walks into his trap, but not because she wasn’t prepared for one.

“You always have a choice. You don’t have a good choice, but you have a choice.” Whole entire theses could be written on this one line of Buffy’s, and if I was to ever write an actual thesis, genuinely I think I would pick this line, and the theme of choice in the Buffyverse in general. But for this series of posts, I don’t think I need to. We can all see it for the mastery it is, right? We can all agree it should be shouted from the rooftops that “You always have a choice. You don’t have a GOOD choice, but YOU HAVE A CHOICE.” That is legitimately what every aspect of every action or decision in life IS, and she really just blew anyone’s excuse of “I don’t/didn’t have a choice” RIGHT out of the water.

Ford’s friend Diego says of Buffy “she’s a non-believer, she taints us” in just… the most whiny Californian accent I’ve EVER heard in my life (and I’m a California native so that’s saying something) and I adore it and it’s something I quote, inflections and all, in my daily life. Buffy calls his outfit dorky mid-rant as well, so I just really appreciate this character’s existence, haha.

Ford really is a villain. In just… so many ways. He tells Buffy he’s dying of brain cancer, that he’s been sick and plagued with migraines and round-the-clock vomiting, that he has six months before they bury a bald, shriveled, smelly corpse of his former self, and he’s desperate to stop it. And Buffy is sympathetic. She tears up when she hears he’s dying, and tells him she feels sorry for him. But she knows, and calls him out on, the fact that none of the other kids in the room with them are actually gonna become vampires like they want to. She realizes they’re the sacrifice, while Ford will be the only one with the prize. She recognizes too that she was the bait, and even if all the others were to become vampires like Ford promised they would be, he still gave her up. His parents have probably been pouring all kinds of money into doctors and treatments for him, anything that will give them a little more time with him, and he’s going to turn himself into a demon, leaving them to a fate of never knowing what became of him, if he doesn’t slaughter them all the minute he’s turned. “You’re opting for mass murder here,” Buffy tells him. “And nothing you say is gonna make that okay.”  It’s tricky sometimes to write a sympathetic villain, one who’s not boring and stereotypical, but also isn’t someone you kind of think is right and should get what they want. But I think, with all the people he’s willing to throw under the bus just to spare himself six more months of suffering before death, it’s so cowardly and psychotic that it hits that sweet spot of hateable, sympathetic villain perfectly.

Ford never actually tells Buffy that Spike is the vampire he found to come and kill them all. She knows it anyway, saying “when Spike gets here” before he even does, haha. And there’s a REALLY great shot with Spike getting his team ready to go, where he's fussing over Dru to make sure she feels up to this outing, and then holding the keys out to the camera in a shot that’s so hot and so unrepeated anywhere else that I have to go back to see it multiple times on rewatches, lol.

The vampire slaughter, that Buffy watches in horror, looking for a way to stop it before anyone gets drained. Ahhh I’m so excited to talk about this scene. Because she scans the room, looking at all the vampires feeding on humans. The door is open now, they’re not paying attention to her, she could get out. And even if she doesn’t, she could likely dust a good number of them… but not quickly enough to save anyone. And then she spots Dru. Dru who she’s only just found out about, Dru who she saw flirting with Angel, but also who Giles had told her is a paramour of Spike’s.  And even after giving Ford a whole speech about vampires just being demons setting up shop in your old body… she clocks Drusilla as the answer. Runs up to Dru, holds a stake to her heart, and calls Spike’s name. And Spike looks up. Bellows for everyone to stop before Buffy even says a word. He watches Buffy intently, he waits for her orders, and obeys them slowly, carefully, giving up a roomful of terrified, bleeding teenagers, letting all of his minions as well as his mortal enemy see the fear and submission on his face as he gives everything up to ensure that Dru isn’t killed. The other great part is… and I recently read a fic that made me think of this… Spike has no idea if Buffy is just gonna end up dusting Dru even after he obeys her orders, anyway. It’s probably what he would have done, in her place. But what else can he do? He can’t risk her life by fighting back; he knows Buffy will drive that stake through her heart if he doesn’t bow down and submit to her without defiance or any snarky quips. But he’s terrified she’ll just kill his girl anyway, and when Buffy tosses Dru into his arms and he catches her… he has to take a few minutes just touching her, making sure she’s okay and really there and isn’t dust like she was so close to being. From his point of view, Buffy was the villain, and he almost lost the most important thing in his life at the twisted whim of his enemy. And that’s just such a fun thing to consider. BUT! Buffy DOESN’T kill Dru, even though probably any other Slayer would have. She’s more noble than that, she wasn’t gonna stake Dru needlessly when she got what she wanted and everyone was saved, and she, like Spike, probably knows that the best way to piss your enemy off is to take away what’s most important. She knows it wouldn’t make him weaker. It would make him stronger, more likely to come after her and the people she just saved and make her pay. Poor Dru is just in the middle of all this happening, all this rapid-fire thinking and reasoning and outwitting the other, understanding the strategy of the other because they see themselves in the other that’s just going on between Buffy and Spike. So good, so SO good. And, as any Spuffy fan can tell you, this is the moment where Buffy sees all the love Spike has in him. Because she could have been wrong in her hope that he would stop and sacrifice everything for Dru. But she wasn’t wrong, she sees in this instance how he loves, she knows now he’ll put a lid on the demon when he needs to, and he’ll fight for what matters to him, even if it’s against his demonic nature.

The only person Buffy can’t save is Ford, because he’s knocked out, because everyone else is fleeing in terror, because she’s busy holding a stake to Dru’s chest. And she knows, but she can’t worry about it. She can’t go back for him… so she leaves him, and is sad and regretful about it, but not guilty. She doesn’t even look back at him when she flees the bomb shelter, and tells her friends she’ll need to come back for his body later on.

Giles goes with Buffy to Ford’s grave. At night. Buffy puts flowers on his grave, but she knows what she’s waiting for. And when he rises as a vampire, Spike’s promise to sire him fulfilled, she stakes him before he’s even fully out of the ground. It’s interesting that Spike held up his end of the deal even though he didn’t get the Slayer… but then wasn’t there at his awakening. Raising the question of whether he knew that Buffy would be there to kill him, and if he deemed that punishment enough to Ford for not getting what he wanted. 

Buffy laments that everything seems to be getting harder these days, and she doesn’t know who to trust anymore. Giles says that’s called growing up, and Buffy says she’d like to stop. Which just… breaks my heart, because I think she continues to feel that going forward, at so many different times. In late S5, when Willow enters her subconscious, we see Buffy as a little girl playing with dolls, and in S6 when she’s given a fantasy of being in an asylum with her parents, she tells them she just wants to go home with them and let them take care of her, leaving behind the world where she is a Slayer. I said in the Halloween episode that Buffy feels a little like a helpless maiden on the inside, and is just longing to be rescued and not always have to do the rescuing. But I actually think it’s not quite that. It’s that she wants to be a little girl again, safe and loved with both her parents and no slaying, no death, no weapons, no vampires. She wants to go back to that happy, innocent time where the grown-ups in her life would worry about everything so she didn’t have to. It’s why I think she’s so good with kids. She feels just like them, so much of the time… she wants to help them stay young and innocent as long as they can, because she herself wishes she never had to grow up.

Anyway. She asks Giles if life ever gets easy, and tells him to lie to make her feel better. So he does, telling her a fairy tale of things always working out, and she ends the episode by affectionately saying to him, “liar.” He is the father figure she wants, and he treats her like his little girl when she needs it, and I think… I think that’s the main reason I love their relationship so much.

Phew! I didn’t realize how much there was to unpack in this episode until I started writing it… and we’ve still got two meaty segments to go! Thank you so much if you’re still reading all my ramblings, haha.

The Death Wish:

Ford: I came looking for you, Spike. 

Spike: You've got a real death wish. It's almost interesting.

The theme of a “death wish” is strongest and most apparent in Season 5 of this show, and is fairly prevalent in the two seasons following it as well, since by then it’s been introduced to us and we’re looking for it now.

But here in the high school years, things are still slightly more innocent. Buffy is still more-or-less zesty and youthful, full of hope and life, clinging desperately to her normal girl, everyday things, even though with every passing episode, more and more of those are slipping away. 

And yet Spike introduces the death wish here. So quickly, and almost in passing, that I didn’t notice it the first time, and I’m sure I’m not the only one!  But he says it to Ford, while distracted by Dru, distracted by the other vamp handing him a book he was looking for, distracted by this random human in his lair that he’s probably two seconds away from eating, and he looks at this kid who sought him out on purpose. And identifies the death wish.

And he’s right. Because, in the definition of “death wish” presented by this show, it is not a suicidal longing, nor is it mere stupidity. The death wish is presented as a desire to rest, a longing for everything to be over, an urge to stop running from the inevitable and just give in to the death that’s on one's heels. 

Spike can’t possibly know that Ford is six months away from dying of cancer, but he doesn’t have to, because he knows that this boy came looking for an incredibly dangerous vampire. The death wish is hanging around his shoulders like a neon beacon for Spike, someone who has hunt and fought and studied Slayers, and knows how they tick. 

Ford will try to make his case to Buffy later, saying he wants to become a vampire so that at least he has control of his own fate, and doesn’t die ugly and sick and in pain. He says that the other kids he roped into wanting to become vampires are only doing it because they’re lonely or miserable or bored, but he actually has a good reason.

The other kids are screaming and terrified when the vampires arrive, and take the exit Buffy offers with no hesitation. One of these kids will go on to have an arc in this show and Angel’s, thanking Buffy for saving her, saying she has a healthy distrust of vampires now because she’s seen how evil they are. She didn’t really want to die. Neither did the others. But Ford fights for his death-by-vampire, and faces it without fear, without hesitation.

He’s wrong to do so, as Buffy points out, because he takes away his final months of life and hands them over to multiple demons: the ones who sire him and the one he becomes. 

But his death wish is real.

And even if Buffy hasn’t recognized it yet, hers is real, too. 

And based on what he will say to her in Fool For Love, we know Spike has already seen it in her.

“Ours is a Forbidden Love":

Xander: Angel was in your bedroom?

Willow: Ours is a forbidden love.

Willow says it, she says the line in this one! This was the first episode where I started shipping Willow and Angel, and I’ve been hunting for clues ever since to make my dream a reality, lol. There’s some more later on in the show, and Angel and friends call Willow for help more than once on the spinoff show, but this, I think, is the episode where Wangel (still oof) is the strongest.

At the beginning, Buffy and Willow are passing a note discussing Drusilla, and Willow wants to know who she was, telling Xander when he catches up to them that Buffy saw Angel getting friendly with a girl.

When Ford sees Buffy talking to Angel in the Bronze, Willow is the first to point him out to Ford. When Angel and Buffy wander over, Willow says hi to Angel, and asks if he wants to play billiards with them. Ford and Buffy take off, leaving just Angel, Willow, and Xander, and Willow says, “Well, Angel, we could still play.” She looks up to see he’s taken off, and blames Xander for chasing him off, all sad eyes and droopy lip.

And then, AND THEN! Angel comes to Willow at her house, saying he wants to talk to her. He sees her in her nightshirt and elephant slippers, and she gets all flustered and babbly as she invites him in, frantically hiding a bra, confessing that she’s not supposed to have boys in her room. “I promise to behave myself,” he says, grinning at her in a way he hasn’t smiled at Buffy yet.

He asks her to search for Ford on the Net, and she asks him to promise not to bite her if she says something to make him mad. “Are you gonna tell me that I’m jealous?” he asks, and her reply is “Well, you do sometimes get that way.”

She knows he gets that way. She knows he gets jealous.

And oh my gosh, the stuff Angel tells her. Admits to her that yeah he gets jealous, because things used to be simple, he used to just hang out and feel guilty and hone his brooding skills, before Buffy came along. Willow gives him this dreamy smile, and why shouldn’t she? He just talked to her and confided in her way more than he’s EVER done with Buffy. He’s so closed off and ashamed of his past with Buffy, but with Willow he isn’t shy about opening RIGHT up. 

She shoves him out when her mom calls to her, telling him to come by again tomorrow. And he makes her promise not to tell Buffy what they’re doing… which she agrees to. Like they’re having an affair or something!

When Buffy finds out they were hiding stuff from her, Willow apologizes, saying Angel only came to her room because he was worried about Buffy. And this is where the line happens: when Buffy walks away, Xander asks incredulously, “Angel was in your bedroom?” and without missing a beat, Willow nods and says easily, “ours is a forbidden love.”

Because it is, haha, it really, really is.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that’s a wrap on Episode 19! Thank you so much for reading this far!

Previous: “Halloween.”

Next up: “The Dark Age.”

(Credit for GIFs in this post: @detectivedawnsummers)

[roachliquid]

Made a post a few years ago where I stated I wouldn't be using the term 'transandrophobia', and I would let y'all know when I found a term I deemed more appropriate. I figure it's time I followed up on that. Not just on whether I've found a term I prefer, but on my feelings about the term 'transandrophobia' in general, because they've evolved a lot recently.

At the time, the reason I decided to drop the term was because I'd learned it was upsetting to certain people who had received racist treatment at the hands of some of the term's early adopters. That wasn't the sole reason - it was part of a broader picture where I was just getting into thinking about trans men's oppression, and I was desperately scrabbling around for any word to describe those issues. Which meant I never gained a very nuanced understanding of the term, which in turn made it easy to drop.

Recently, I've gotten back into reading up about these issues, and developed a much better idea of what kind of theory is behind these discussions. With that in mind, I've reached a few conclusions:

1: "Some of the people who use this term are racist" was a bad reason to stop using it. It'd be one thing if we had plenty of reasonable, freely-available alternatives available, but that has never been the case in this situation; furthermore, the term was itself coined by a nonwhite man, whose identity isn't magically irrelevant because of someone else's racism.

2: Part of the reason I dropped it was because I was scared of losing favor with people I saw as reasonable. In hindsight, they weren't, and the only reason I thought otherwise was because I had internalized a good amount of anti-transmasculine ideas. I'm doing better now.

3: Most of the arguments of the term "transandrophobia" are BS:

"It implies that misandry is real!" Except it doesn't say 'misandry' anywhere. Anyone saying this is just recycling the argument against "transmisandry" as if it's the same exact word and expecting you to play along.

"It's ableist because it uses -phobia!" We went through this discourse with "homophobia" over a decade ago. It's a semantic distraction that demands we take a suffix literally when we already have precedent to understand that it's figurative. Plant behavior.

"It implies that trans women have privilege!" This is only true if you assume gendered oppression is a zero-sum game of two sides, which shockingly, is not a notion that the majority of trans people have accepted.

4: With that being said, "transandrophobia" not the term I'm going to prefer going forward.

The primary reason for that is because, per the person who coined it, transandrophobia refers specifically to the way that trans men and mascs' perceived manhood is abused to further our victimhood. While this is obviously an incredibly important problem to highlight, not all of the issues I want to talk about fall under that umbrella. For that, I find that the term "anti-transmasculinity" is more applicable.

The secondary reason is because, as has been pointed out, the "andro-" part of the word does suggest that it's talking about trans men specifically - and while I do think there's room to interpret it less literally, I've already got a more inclusive term available.

So, what's the summation of all this? IDK, I think "transandrophobia" is an imperfect term, but one thing I've come to believe over the years is that you can't demand people stop talking about their oppression just because the language isn't perfect. I do think there are better options, but I'm not going to begrudge anyone who does use it, because most of us are just doing our best to talk about our problems in the face of an Orwellian silence.

(Edited to clarify a couple of things.)

[the-nosy-neighbor]

Nature's Remedy

Continuing from the discussion of the Joyful album, Devotion:

What about the words of the song?

FRANNY: You’ve got a bud that won’t blossom,

So, I did see someone online make a reference to this, and I wanted to look at it.  Julie’s major problem is that she has a bud that won’t blossom.  Could this be foreshadowing, hint that they have something to do with it not blooming, or instructions on how to proceed?

Grass without the dew,

JONESY: Soil devoid of its riches,

BEA: Cloudy day, no sun in view.

We’ve got three problems listed:  no morning dew/water, soil devoid of nutrients, and poor light.  Each one is the category that one of the siblings is in charge of, listed out below.  This could be emphasizing that there is no spring without the work/talents of all four siblings. It is phrased in terms of which would be their own particular problem. However, we know this isn't the problem with the black flower, as this situation continues after the Springtime Salutations book (I'm presuming that one is first, since that is how the siblings come to Home. Well, Julie and Frank go back to Home on their own, but the siblings are in all of the other material, so it would make sense that Springtime Salutations is the first event.)

FRANNY: You’re confused, you’re lost, you’re worried,

This update has rules of threes all over it. This rule of three is three emotions in a list. It shows up in multiple places in the song. I am highlighting these lists.

JONESY: You’re at your wits end,

BEA: You need an answer to your problems,

Just keep in mind, my friend!

ALL: Just keep in mind, my friend!

This describes Julie’s state of mind as she is confronted with the flower that won’t bloom.  “Keep in mind” might be describing instructions on what to do.  It is interesting to note with these lyrics, we are aware that Julie can’t do her duty of rousing the flowers without her siblings.  Presumably, the opposite is true.  I’m not sure that they’d need to interact for this to happen.  Julie may have done her duties with limited sibling contact in the past, as we know that Frank mentions watching Julie bloom flowers before in the secret videos.  

FRANNY: That rhythm is running through you,

Like water from the stream,

Frost is taking the back seat,

The words are flowing just like a dream.

This has the water imagery associated with Franny–water, frost, flowing.  Dew is heavily featured in her representation. There are also the concepts of dreaming and of rhythm as being inside you.

The beat is slowly turning,

You’ve got to take hold,

The leaves and petals are dancing,

Really gel with these colors, bold!

ALL: Really gel with these colors, bold!

There is something strange about the phrasing here, beat is turning, you have to take hold.  It feels very action-based and physical.  It’s encouraging grabbing it.  I am going to highlight those words that might be physical movements or directional.

Leaves and petals are dancing sounds like the action of the flowers being reinvigorated like Julie does it.  With her singing being the thing that brings things back to life, this sounds like the process.  As for the gel, I am not sure.  Gel and colors makes me think of theatre lighting, but that is probably just me. 

JONESY: Spring into this funky beat!

Listen to these flowers,

Jonesy’s turn.  Listening to the flowers is what Julie does.  Maybe this song is addressed to Julie?

ALL: so sweet!----these lines are repeated a lot, so highlighting it.

(Small musical breakdown.)

JONESY: The trees are swaying, to and fro

So many dancing greens,

Roots-a-kicking and tapping,

You oughta know what I means!

You’re eased, you’re certain, you’re sure,

We’re your nature guides,

Your prayers will be answered,

Just keep right on the sweet upside!

We’re your nature guides coming from the Green man.  Prayers will be answered, makes me think of them as deities or cult members.  Maybe they are part of a nature cult?  There is a second list of the feelings here: eased, certain, sure.  This comes after the description of trees dancing.  Will they answer Julie’s prayers about the flower?

ALL: Just keep right on the sweet upside!

I don’t know what this means.  It’s weird.  Is it a directional?  Right on the upside? Could we think of it instead as something like right=righteous and upside=heaven?

BEA: Spring into this funky beat!

Listen to these flowers,

ALL: so sweet!

Bea’s turn.

(Small musical breakdown.)

BEA: Stop to feel that blowing breeze,

The sun shining through,

Bold rays of hope hitting all,

The joyous foliage too!

No confusion, loss, or worry,

This willow tree won’t bend,

The lack of confusion, loss, or worry is related to the idea of an unbending willow.  Willow trees are kind of known for bending.  If you look it up, it is a defining idea of willows–they bend with the wind but won’t break.  Why go out of the way to say that it won’t bend?  Won’t bend or unbending is a way to describe a person/organization as solid and unchanging, sticking to their principles.

“But what about tomorrow,” you say,

Just remember this, my friend!

The list is here, just with “no” in front.  There is a direction of “stop.”  There is a description of the sun and references to hope and joy, both feelings have religious connotations.  This is talking about being OK, but uncertain about the next day, which we are supposed to remember:

ALL: Just remember this, my friend!

FRANNY: Disoriented and frantic?

JONESY: Are you jonesing for the good?

This is the list of emotions again:  disoriented, frantic, jonesing for the good (jonesing is generally a reference to addiction to drugs, “the good” could mean a religious idea, but could probably mean most anything)

BEA: Just please remember to be,

ALL: Like the entire joyful family would!

(Music culminates and ends.)

Is this suggesting that Julie try to follow family tradition?  We know they are looking for a way to get her back into the group.  Joyful isn’t capitalized, so maybe it is more of a general adjective, which also gives culty vibes. But put simply, the Joyful family would be joyful. So their advice to Julie when confronted with the unblooming flower is:

--listen to the flowers

--keep right on the sweet upside (and they will answer your prayers)

--they repeat remember this my friend! a lot, and it is kind of hard to determine what they are referring to with "this." It mostly goes into a verse that describes their talents, but also has that movement element to it: sweeps through you, the sun shining through, the trees are swaying to and fro. But the final remember this is to "just please remember to be like the entire Joyful family would."

This reflects the portion of the innocenceconstancyaspell video, as julie describes what they do, and Frank points out it is the family motto and they say it all the time:

I will say that this song could be written to describe Julie's emotions:

--confused, lost, worried

--eased, certain, sure

--no confusion, loss, worry

--disoriented, frantic, jonesing for the good

There are two of the same, with one saying that she doesn't have these emotions, which is strange. She seems somewhat eased, etc in the second video but definitely not sure.

these mirror the flower meanings that we found for the code

--tears, remembrance, instability

--innocence, constancy, a pell

--regard, forgetfulness, silence

--temptation, dreams, hope

In Innocence, Constancy, A Spell, Julie goes through lists of flowers, as if they are pet names for this one:

--sunflower, gardenia, lilac

meanings: adoration or haughtiness, secret love or hope, first love (remembrance)

--daffodil, peony, marigold

meanings: regard, shame or bashfulness, grief

She uses "carnation" instead of "tarnation" in one video. Petunia is used in another video, temptationdreamshope.

Most of those flowers are either not in the provided book, already used, or has multiple varieties to choose from. I would assume that it means that the meanings are not what we are after here. However, the theme of emotions being attached to flowers and lists of three makes me feel like something is there. Maybe I should write about the power of 3s.

OK, so I didn't come to a conclusion, but looking at the previous information (Devotion song titles) I thought it needed discussing.

What can we do with this information?

[jessfromonline]

For the LAST 4 HOURS of the Galactic & Going Rogue crowdfunder: A DESIGNER AMA! 🙋‍♀️

With just 4 hours left on the crowdfunder, I wanted to share a designer AMA/Q&A about Going Rogue and the Galactic & Going Rogue crowdfunder that I did on Bluesky! Questions come from a variety of folks, including FIST designer @claymorerpgs, @6fu's Grant Ironicus, and more!

In addition to the answers below, if you want to ask, just reblog this with your question, and I'll try my best to get to it before things wrap up at 9pm ET tonight!

"What would a dice (or other randomizer)-based version look like? Would it be able to achieve your design goals?"

"funnily enough, Galactic & Going Rogue already technically have more dice-based randomization than most Belonging Outside Belonging games.

the Places & NPC Trait tables are designed to allow for random rolls for inspiration (& the box set ships with dice!) but as far as resolution…

i do think randomized success/failure would run counter to the design goals (at least, for me.) so much about Going Rogue is about choosing to fail, choosing to create conflict between PCs & choosing to act out your PC's worst impulses, so that the narrative arc of their growth is satisfying and interesting, and so that that conflict is strong at the very beginning. random resolution doesn't prevent this, but i think does de-emphasize it. fundamentally, imo, GGR aren't about how you solve problems, but how you relate to each other & yourself in the process. random resolution moves that emphasis a bit more onto the "problem solving" aspect than i'd want.

AT THE SAME TIME…i have actually been experimenting with additional randomization for the print edition! specifically, the idea of more random inspiration tables for setting up your world and especially your 'plot structure'

i've yet to decide what if any of it will actually make it into the game, but i DO love randomization and i especially love random-table-inspiration and feel like GR could benefit from more of it, so we'll see!"

"how did you arrive at such a beautiful graphic design style!!"

"combined work of SO many people. illustrator @shoebill.moe, layout designer @oieuoshi.bsky.social, component artist @satelitesnaturales.bsky.social, graphic designer @crislv.bsky.social & i all had input & put our heads together + feedback from satah, riley, and more! what'd that look like?

first came the GGR cover itself, which was just me & @shoebill.moe going back and forth. it was inspired by David's previous going rogue 2e cover, Serj's galactic 2e cover, and cover of Dream Askew/Dream Apart especially! David was also very inspired by Noriyoshi Ohrai's Star Wars posters!

we went back & forth with sketches/drafts/feedback for awhile to hone in (THX DAVID!) then i chose @oieuoshi.bsky.social as layout artist from open applications. i LOVED his layout for his solo game Furrya, it served as a major touchstone! from there i began a style bible & made a Discord gc for the initial visual design team (david, uoshi, and @satelitesnaturales.bsky.social) & uoshi made a fantastic Pinterest with a combo of mostly Star Wars + cyberpunk visual refs, which i highlighted particular ones i liked from!

the style bible i made also included examples of layouts that i really liked and wanted to use as touchstones, AND layouts i didn't like but that would be easy traps to fall into with this aesthetic lol.

the gc became a place to discuss overall stylistic direction & to give & get feedback, but quickly became a bit overwhelming for our artists in terms of design-by-committee, so we broke back out into 1 on 1 chats. i also brought on @crislv.bsky.social to do graphic designer for the crowdfunding page & social media. cris received what became by the end a truly IMMENSE spreadsheet from me of specifications for graphics we needed (THX CRIS) & a team Dropbox folder used by all the artists + leandro (the video editor) which included tons of art from david, uoshi, and luna that cris was then able to both integrate into the crowdfunder graphics & to use as inspiration for her own original graphic design work for the crowdfunder.

the gc became a place to discuss overall stylistic direction & to give & get feedback, but quickly became a bit overwhelming for our artists in terms of design-by-committee, so we broke back out into 1 on 1 chats. i also brought on @crislv.bsky.social to do graphic designer for the crowdfunding page & social media. cris received what became by the end a truly IMMENSE spreadsheet from me of specifications for graphics we needed (THX CRIS) & a team Dropbox folder used by all the artists + leandro (the video editor) which included tons of art from david, uoshi, and luna that cris was then able to both integrate into the crowdfunder graphics & to use as inspiration for her own original graphic design work for the crowdfunder.

i used the Kickstarter pages for ASTROPRISMA by @crescentchimera.bsky.social, Triangle Agency by @hauntedtable.bsky.social, FIST Ultra Edition by question-asker @claymorerpgs.bsky.social, and previous @evilhat.bsky.social crowdfunders graphic designed by @crislv.bsky.social as reference a LOT!

working out the visual design & giving feedback & keeping it consistent & plugging the parts together took quite literally TENS OF THOUSANDS OF WORDS across discord, email, spreadsheet, gdocs, and more!

it was an IMMENSE effort but so so worth it & im SO lucky to have such great artists.

i cannot thank every one of them enough for being creative, flexible, receptive to feedback (often many many rounds, not for a lack of skill but due to me being a type-A art director) and more! truly can't recommend them all enough."

"uhhh ok what's something that surprised you about how people have used Going Rogue in terms of themes, stories, character?"

"i've seen 2 APs run Going Rogue as a comedy which. i truly could NOT have imagined when i made the game lmfao.

it's also fascinating to see the political spectrum of the GR campaigns i've heard of or played. i've come to see Going Rogue as a mirror. the pillar desires are a Rorschach test, in which, consistently, the thoughts & feelings players are having about whatever the current political moment is get very heavily expressed, and can be very different group to group and game to game!

one of the most fascinating things about playing it now vs. when 2e released (which was the first year of the Biden admin) is that seemingly, the players have changed. i am still mostly playing with like, anarchists and communists, but The Parliament pillar immediately gets pegged as the Democrats and hated so much more fervently, it's been REALLY striking, and that surprised me!"

"How did you find so many incredible collaborators for this project?"

"it was a HUGE priority to me to use this opportunity to pay ppl who had been involved w/ G/GR back when they were tiny—im lucky so many were so talented!

11 contributors previously worked on G or GR, or played them in an AP!

8 other contributors, i worked with on other projects!

the rest…

the remaining 8 were a combination of people i was friends with, open applications for 1 single role, or people that i cold-emailed with a prayer (or 2nd degree introduction)

i got 5+ ignored or rejected cold emails! but it was well-worth trying & eventually brought in some AMAZING talent!

i even had 1 contributor i was super excited for end up not being able to work on the project because WtC/Hsbro said it violated their non-compete (real bona fide D&D killer Galactic & Going Rogue. they're shaking in their boots.)"