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alleyskywalker · 2 years ago

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As I was reading your fics, especially the storm one, I got to thinking that perhaps, Robb was aware of Theon's treatment and how he was perceived by the other Northerners, only he had never cared until he was Lord of Winterfell. I liked that you used the little detail of Robb calling him Greyjoy. As a way of separating himself emotionally from Theon and establishing the ranks of each. It makes me wonder what kinds of things Robb must have heard throughout his life to realize the way the Northerners viewed the Ironborn. Both in this part and when Theon invades Winterfell he was told that they must have kept him in chains, so the Northerners didn't see the Ironborn as people but as animals.

Oh, I think Robb was entirely aware of the situation, at least by the time AGOT starts – there’s no reason to believe he isn’t. Robb’s ludicrous amounts of privilege, youth/lack of experience, and, probably in part, personality make him a little naïve to some aspects of politics/diplomatic affairs, but he’s not stupid and, despite the Stark kids being fairly sheltered, he would have been educated and mentored as Ned’s heir and the future Lord of Winterfell. There’s no way he’s underinformed. Besides, it’s made very explicit in the conversation Cat and Robb have regarding sending Theon to the Islands as an envoy that Robb is fully aware of the situation. Nor is this new:

"Put away your sword, Greyjoy," Robb said. For a moment he sounded as commanding as their father, like the lord he would someday be.

—AGOT, Bran I

Bran’s like seven? So he’s picking up on something that he’s not able to name concisely, but basically this is a rank-pull (or an attempted one, anyway). It’s a mild test balloon and precursor for the Bran Incident. We don’t really see Robb interact with anyone else of entirely equal rank to himself, with Joffrey being the closest, but I think it’s safe to say this is more akin to how Robb acts with those he instinctively feels to be his inferiors rather than his equals (which, if this were a true fosterage situation, Theon would certain be – a long-term guest, more than anything).

Also, “I ought to chain you up in the yard” is an insult so tailor made to hurt and humiliate Theon given his situation specifically...

None of this is surprising, really, because the whole construct of Theon being a “ward” is propaganda and a polite fiction, which the Starks are invested in upholding. and do buy into to a fairly dangerous extent (where they start to make actual decisions and expectations built on this construct), but the buy-in is especially hypocritical because it’s partial. When Theon is expected to be loyal or trusting him would be advantageous, he’s a ward. When fourteen year old Robb wants to boss him around or it’s time to talk very practically about how Theon can be useful to Robb’s war plans, he’s a hostage. (Surprise, surprise, it comes back to bite them in the ass.)

I also don’t think Robb comes to care about Theon’s situation any more or less once he becomes Lord of Winterfell? Like I just don’t see any evidence that there was any change in trajectory here.

As to what Robb might have heard… Well, Maester Luwin gives us some idea:

"There is no shame in that. A lord must protect his smallfolk. Cruel places breed cruel peoples, Bran, remember that as you deal with these ironmen. Your lord father did what he could to gentle Theon, but I fear it was too little and too late."

—ACOK Bran VI

Charming, isn’t it? Especially given that Theon was a ten-year-old child when Lord Stark first had the chance to embark on this “gentling” process. *intense eyeroll* Granted, Robb probably didn’t get this exact speech. The Starks, or Ned personally, were invested in upholding the fiction of Theon being a ward, and it would be hard for them to do that while also entirely scaring their children away from him. But this is a maester talking, and Luwin comes off as a generally kind person too. We can only imagine how less educated and/or more meanspirited people may have felt, talked or behaved. Granted too, Theon outranks everyone in Winterfell except the Starks themselves (and that’s situational), and any visiting Lords would likely be lowkey aware of the Starks’ chosen narrative around Theon (their children could be a different matter, depending on age) – there would be a lot of people keeping their mouth shut best they could, at least around Theon. But microaggressions would still happen. People would still talk. People would still express views about the ironborn generally – if outside of Theon’s hearing, not necessarily outside of Robb’s.

As a counterweight, Theon and Robb apparently had some genuine conversations about Theon’s home and culture (at the least, Robb is under this impression, and he’s correct in his assessment of what the ironborn will do in response to the kingsmoot). So he maybe had some counterpoint information, or at least some depth. (I have a feeling that Theon likely leaned in to the stereotypes as a defense mechanism – glorifying the things he and his were derided for.)

As for the “Greyjoy” vs. “Theon” thing, the canon doesn’t really give us a consistent narrative here. I initially also thought the Robb uses Theon’s last name when he’s irritated and/or trying to pull rank but “Put away your sword, Greyjoy” and “Not where my brother can hear, Theon” are both reprimands (though the former is a more obvious rank pull). After Theon’s defection, too, Robb continues to more often than not simply call him “Theon.” Robb also calls Jon “Snow” (e.g. in their farewell scene) and Jon calls Robb “Stark.” So, I’m not really clear that canonically the last-name calling is meant to signify emotional distancing, necessarily. (Although, in the given fic I suppose it does sort of serve that function).

You bring up a curious point about the “chains” comments. I’m assuming the first instance you’re referring to is Robb during the Bran incident and the second is Ser Rodrick during the parlay saying, “Then perhaps Lord Eddard should have kept you chained to a dungeon wall.” (ACOK, Theon VI) At first blush, they’re said in pretty different context and with different intents too – Robb is alluding to Theon’s situation in an attempt to hurt and humiliate (maaaybe threaten, if you want to be uncharitable); Ser Rodrik is more venting about what should have happened, with no subtilty, rather than what could happen. But at the same time…despite it being a very lose parallel and at the risk of reading into small details too much….it is consistent wording, isn’t it? When it didn’t need to be, necessarily.

On an in-universe level, it’s an oblique echo of the kinds of things that might have been suggested about Theon (going back to the earlier part of this): the adults that might have whispered about how a savage ironborn hostage ought to be chained up, and teenage Robb, in a moment of anger and very poor judgement, aiming to hurt, subconsciously reaches for the things he’s heard the adults around him say to craft an insult.

On a more meta level, Robb’s oblique threat (whether meant as one or not) and Rodrik’s venting are echoes and book ends of what always hung over Theon’s head and what he had escaped (or tried to, anyway). Robb’s comment reminds Theon what can happen; Rodrik’s reinforces that this was always an option, though not acted upon, and now won’t be, because Theon has slipped away (barring further direct warfare). The Northerners had bought into their own propaganda, gotten comfortable with the double standard. He hadn’t. And how furious it makes them.

#theon greyjoy #robb stark #asoiaf#meta #asked and answered #op

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lovee-infected · 4 years ago

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Hello! Recently I've seen a lot of twst blogs arguing on how twst characters are mischaracterized, especially Malleus. So do you have any ideas on how he is mischaracterized? Also, is it okay to ask for your general opinion on questions like a short character analysis or how a healthy a relationship with each twdt guy might be? Hope it's okay to ask!

For your first question anon, it's a GREAT thing to ask and to be honest I've been waiting for a chance to talk about him! And for your second one, yes, of course! I just love writing character analyis and it's totally okay to ask for character/personality/relationship analysis here! I've got a lot to say about Malleus so this is going to a detailed analysis about his whole personality.

There are commonly two popular opinions on how Malleus is which divides the fandom into two groups:

Group A:

Those who consider him to be an absolutely soft, baby dragon who just wants to be invited and have a friend. They believe that Malleus needs more attention and can be quite affectionate at the time, he can also be sometimes idiotic toward simple stuff like working with a computer or trying to talk with others which makes him even more adorable. "Despite Malleus's harsh and emo appearance and terrifying powers, Malleus is just a small baby inside," is also a common belief of this group.

Group B:

Those who argue that group A is totally shading everything important about Malleus's personality and true self just because he looks cute and plays with a childish tamagotchi. These group also comes up with rather strong points about his personality such as his status as a crown prince, his naturally dark personality as not only a dark fae but also Maleficent's grandchild, his maturity and cold nature and also, the aspect of his hellish powers which can make him look like an absolute monster at the time.

I believe most of you are familiar with these points of view but the question is, which one of them is the real Malleus?

And the answer is: Neither of them; yet both of them do have a point.

The main problem is how the fandom portraits him as either an emotional tamagotchi baby or an absolutely cold and heartless mister of evil, while the true Malleus is far beyond than just being either good, or bad.

Now let's discuss some of the important facts and common mistakes about Malleus's personality:

(1) Malleus isn't a baby, but he isn't a monster either

This is supposedly the main idea here which will be continued to be discussed through the rest of this analysis. This is often how many end up mischaracterizing him because: the way the describe Malleus is either too dark or too childish. What we need here, is a balance. This is the grandson of one of the most important Disney villains that we are talking about, and don't forget that Maleficent herself was confirmed to consume the powers of Hell, as she was indeed the mistress of all evil. So this dragon boy here surely isn't one to underestimate, and he clearly has inherited that hellish power of her grandmother. It's obviously seen through the story as well, from the way he was presented in chapter 2 and beans day event to how terrified other students always are to even talk about him.

But the thing is, there are softer aspects of his personality as well which prove that Malleus isn't just designed to present an undefeatable force of evil, and this is exactly what makes his personality a lot more interesting.

(2) Malleus is actually hard to approach and talk to

Let's be honest, Malleus isn't as soft and easy to befriend as many fans consider him to be. He doesn't get too friendly or chill as he speaks, and even his close allies like Silver and Sebek fail to get close to him as much as they wish to. When we talk about his dark aura, we aren't just talking about his horns and fearsome magic, it's also because of his personality itself. His calm yet cold tone always remains still regardless of who he's talking to. No need to mention that he isn't an ordinary student either, he not only comes from a well-known family but is also the crown-prince of valley of thorns. Out of all twst characters Malleus is the only one who is directly connected to the great seven by being Maleficent's grandson. His family and people on the other hand are overly protective over him, to the point of not letting him to even have a fake proposal in the ghost marriage event which means that Malleus has also got each and every of his actions under watch.

(3) He's slowly getting used to isolating himself

In his ceremonial robes story, he's obviously upset that he never had a chance to wear his ceremonial robes because he never got invited, but when Lilia says he'd one day overcome his ill fate and gets to wear them as he always wanted to, he says that he's fine. Then again when Lilia tried to bring him to the singing test in chapter 5 he avoids showing up. In his voice lines he also said: "Are you as well scared of me?" which is clearly shouting that he's no longer surprised to see people being afraid of him, he's getting used to being feared and at some point, hated. That's probably one of the bitter sides of his personality which he's slowly giving up on trying to change it.

(4) Malleus has got a great confidence and isn't shy at all

There many fanfics in which Malleus is presented as a shy boy who's scared of confessing to his s/o or asking them out, while he's the total opposite in reality. Just like Maleficent herself, he speaks calmly and in a formal tone, is very respectful as he speaks, and isn't one to ever have problem while talking to others.

It's others who always avoid talking to him while Malleus himself isn't the least uncomfortable with presenting his ideas and asking others for help when he needs to.

He isn't ever shy over his lack of ability to work with machines or asking others for help for seemingly childish issues like having his tamagotchi fixed or finding a friend for the GaoGao dragon.

The only thing left is how Lilia described him as "Kind of shy" in chapter five, which is most likely because of another reason discussed in part (3)

(5) He doesn't eat ice cream and play with a tamagotchi for no reason

Malleus explained that everything is ran by magic back in the valley of thorns and no one really uses any machines there, that's how he's pretty new to both technology and complicated tools.

I believe that the tamagotchi part was given to him on purpose, because else than showing the fact that he's bad with tools, it's great contrast to the harsh picture that his power and personality gives him!

Admit it, it's a funny and somehow, adorable contrast to see one of the strongest magicians who can burn the room to ashes in just a matter pf second playing with a children's toy. And I believe that it was given to him on purpose. They meant to give him some soft and cute features as well instead of just presenting him as an evil fae. He is indeed evil and his powers are terrifying, and that's how watching him play with a tamagotchi is rather surprising to many. If you saw Ortho or Cheka playing with one it wouldn't have gone any further than a simple "Awww" or "How cute" because it's something you'd expect to see from a kid, but when you see Malleus of all people playing with it, you can't help but to fascinated and flustered over how cute this fae's habits can be.

Ice cream on the other hand doesn't really have to do with cuteness, it's something Yana Toboso discovered while doing her researches on fae mythology which discuses that Dark faes enjoy cold and sweet foods, especially cream. So it doesn't really have anything to do with him being either a soft or a cruel boy, it's just a normal part of his nature as a fae.

(6) He might be crazily old to humans, but he's still pretty young as a fae

This one has really been getting on my nerves, come on people! It's true that he's probably been living for decades and possibly, centuries but don't forget that it isn't that much compared to a normal fae! Even Sebek calls him 'Young master' which means that he's still a pretty young one, no need to mention that he hasn't yet became the king either so he's not much different from the rest of the students in NRC.

I've seen people saying: "No Malleus won't do that he's -too old-" and I've got to say: What?

Come on even someone like Lilia who's been living for over 5 centuries can act like a nasty 14 year old at the time, so for faes at least, age isn't a limitation.

Malleus on the other hand is still a teenage fae! He needs to discover new things and talk with more people, just like a normal human being does. So if he doesn't enjoy doing anything too silly or stupid, it's because of his 'personality', not because he's too old. Even when tells Lilia that he isn't a child anymore, it's like how an 18 year old says it to his father.

(7) Malleus won't take insult easily

He is polite and respectful in general, but when he's offended, he'd seriously respond to it. Remember that a single swipe of hand from him can set the whole room on fire.

Rook and Leona were probably one step away from being burnt and when Leona really got on Malleus's nerves by humiliating him, Malleus stopped respecting him as a prince of an ally kingdom and humiliated back.

He is calm but to a specific point, and you can make sure that he won't be any soft or forgiving if you offend him, and it'll probably end in no good if he gets mad. So better not think that Malleus is one to just keep it in and later cry in a room because he's sad baby when someone dares insult him.

(8) Angelina Jolie's Maleficent has nothing to do with his story!

Nope, Malleus never had a lover who cut off his wings and sent him to a hell of depression and loneliness, and no you cannot find those two wounds on his back regardless of how romantic it may seem.

I admit it, it's a lovely Au, but it's JUST AN AU! I can still see people saying stuff like "Ohh!! Will we discover if Malleus too had his wings cut off in chapter 7?" and the answer is NO. While Angelina Jolie's Maleficent is surely a great one on its own, it needs be understood that twst's source of main information and characters designs is nothing else than the original Disney villains.

Malleus cannot be associated with any Maleficents else than the version we saw in 1959's sleeping beauty and it's an important fact to look through.

(9) Malleus is NOT Maleficent!

While they are a lot more similar than you can imagine(in both power and personality), let's not forget that Malleus is NOT Maleficent! He's a total new character on his own, and is unique in his own way.

He is twisted from Maleficent which means that no matter how similar they are, Malleus is a new character with a new personality.

Saying that he isn't soft at all and the fandom will see his true face when he overblots ( It's supposed to mean that the real Malleus is an absolutely evil and destructive one, just like Maleficent) is nothing different from denying all of Yana's hard work on designing him and his personality!

Malleus himself said that his grandmother's skills were far greater than his and most importantly: Malleus still has chance to have a better fate than Maleficent did.

Once again: He's still young! He still has a chance to be saved from turning into a heartless and isolated creature like Maleficent. No matter how cold he is, he hasn't yet got to the point of hating the whole world and losing all of his emotions. And that's why it's totally wrong to deny all the good that he might still have inside by saying that he isn't soft at all. He isn't a baby, but he isn't a monster either. Not yet.

(10) Even Lilia agrees that Malleus is still learning and his personality is in development

Can't you see? Malleus isn't attending to this school for no reason. His magic is already top notch, and his knowledge goes far greater than anything they might teach in NRC.

If you take a look at the story, you'll see signs of Lilia indirectly giving us signs of why Malleus still needed to attend to this school. In Malleus's SR robes' story, Lilia told him that he still has a lot to learn and knowledge isn't everything. And what might he find in NRC which has nothing to do with knowledge? People.

Lilia is trying to hold him back from isolating himself like Maleficent did, and is indeed trying to help him make friends and learn to get along with people without thinking that it's useless because they'd fear him anyway.

Also, he clearly wants Malleus to learn and experience new things in NRC by taking part in activities. In Malleus's Halloween SR story Lilia, who was always the one to choose Diasomnia's Halloween costumes, asks Malleus to choose this year's costume instead of him. Lilia first says that he wants Malleus to do it but later tells him that he has other reasons as well, he was trying to put Malleus into trying something new therefore he can have something learn from the experiment! (What a cute papa he really is...)

This is another proof of him not having the cold and unapproachable picture some imagine him to have, he isn't against experiencing and trying new things.

(11) He's still looking for a true friend

Malleus needs a friend, that's a fact. During his chats he mentions how Maleficent always had her loyal pet crow by her side as the only reliable creature she could always trust, and how Malleus wonders if he can ever find such a worthy ally of his own.

Even as he has Lilia, Silver and Sebek by his side he doesn't feel like he has such a friend.

People have been avoiding him through his whole life, and you can see how excited he got when Cater asked him for a selfie as he was one of the very first people who ever tried to approach him.

While he's slowly getting used to being feared by everyone, he'd still appreciate a friend and he needs one. Not even Maleficent herself could've made it all on her own without a friend by her side.

(12) Malleus isn't heartless

While he won't easily fall for anything or anyone, it isn't impossible for him to love.

We haven't yet seen anything that directly gets us to the point of love in the story but it's something you can tell through his actions and words.

When he cares for something or someone, he'd be serious about it.

Two obvious examples would be his tamagotchi and the ramshackle dorm. He'd certainly get out of his way to find someone to fix his dear tamagotchi and as we saw in the Halloween event, he furiously stated that he'd burn anyone who tries to the ramshackle dorm any harm, because he likes that place.

There isn't much he holds dear in life, but when he does, he won't let a single soul to take it away from him.

When he can be this protective over something that just entertains him, just try to imagine how far he might go to protect the one he loves. He falls in love very slowly and it'll probably take him a while to realize it if he actually does. He can begin with small interests and repeated meetings but at some point, it'll turn into a routine, an obsession. He won't easily fall in love, but when he does, he won't be able to easily let go of it either.

(13) His relationship with MC is far more important than you're thinking

Just by going through his voice lines, you can tell how MC is effecting Malleus's personality and life. I'm not saying that it's love or anything but the thing is, MC is changing Malleus nonetheless.

Their relationship has been a totally new thing for Malleus to experience from the very beginning, because MC didn't know him. Malleus is obviously used to being well-known as the infamous prince of the Draconia family by almost everyone, but MC was an exception.

He asked MC to talk to him and tell him stories, it can be clearly see that he enjoys talking to them.

He also mentioned that MC has made him feeling lots of things he hadn't felt before, which can also be connected to part (10) where we discussed how he's still young and needs more of communication and friends because he needs to learn.

Some argue that Malleus couldn't care less about MC and the only reason he shows up around them is because of the ramshackle dorm, which can be easily proven wrong by two hints:

1) Malleus sent a Happy holiday card to MC after the winter holiday.

2)What Malleus told Lilia at the end of the Halloween event stories after all the troubles that was brought upon the ramshackle dorm: "I want that human to enjoy Halloween too"

While it isn't necessarily romance that we're talking about, his relationship with MC is clearly telling us that he's a lot more of emotions and humanity inside him than what we were expecting.

At this point, it's important to see that in spite of his cold nature and mature personality he is slowly beginning to feel more and more emotions as the result of meeting newer people in NRC, especially MC. Saying that he is nothing but a heartless fae who is wrongly thought to be a soft and emotional boy is nothing different from judging him the same way as most of the people in twisted wonderland itself judge Malleus, it's important to see that he's a lot more.

His personality itself is surely amazing and as a Malleus hoe stan myself I can't wait to get more of his background in chapter 7, although it's probably going to be dark as well. They really did give his design a twist and that's how he's a balance of and menacingly powerful magician and a young boy who's just learning to deal with emotions.

For now, that's all I had in mind! Hope that I didn't miss anything. This was a general character analysis which also discussed some of the common mistakes about Malleus's personality but-

In case that you're wondering how he's being mischaracterized in reader insert fics, that'll be a totally different issue to discuss which would also need another post to be discussed through.

Small note: Just saying that there's often a dark lore to twst x reader fics (Especially for Malleus/ Leona x reader) which is usually better to be ignored while reading/writing for them...

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst theories #twisted wonderland theories #Twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader #Character analysis #answered

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power-of-plot · 4 years ago

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Iida, Mirio, and Aizawa dating hcs please

Of course! But holy cow apparently this seriously inspired me, i hope this is ok xd

I I D A

Oh yes robot boi. Iida is someone nerdy in every aspect, his language even with close friends like Midoriya is very formal and polite, the same rule would apply when it comes to his significant other. Unlike what some would think, this doesn’t give your conversations a cold touch, on the contrary, it’d make him look chivalrous.

He’s a classic gentleman, he’d be the kind who opens the door and waits for you to walk in first or gives you his jacket when it’s too cold and you don’t have anything to cover yourself with, the second one would happen often in the classroom if you’re sensitive to cold. We are talking about U.A have you seen the measures of the classrooms and the entire area? It’s impossible they don’t have those huge air conditioners.

He highly respects the rules wich means, no PDA, on a certain level, no kisses to be specific. That doesn’t mean he won’t give you any affection, though every gear of his robotic soul is having a bad time working properly inside, he’d hold your hand or put his over your shoulder pulling you close when you’re sitting together.

He definitely would do that thing of caressing you with his thumb. As you expected it from Tenya, this is a sort of robotic motion, his finger would move like a metronome but that doesn’t make it any less nicer, he is slow and gentle.

Honestly, he’d be nervous most of the time. ALSO! Tenya is very thoughtful, he’d ask (often verbally) if you’re okay with whatever he’d do, as times goes by the questions turn non verbal, for example he’d hold his hand above yours waiting for you to give green light or grasp it.

“..Can i hold your hand?” “Sure!” “*DEEP INHALE AND BLUSH*” He couldn’t help to blush the first times. Specially on the firsT kiss but how would it be? A clasic scenenario after classes! And after you both have grown comfortable enough to each other’s touch. Seriously, if you like to go slow he's got you.

You two would be walking around in the campus after classes and he feels the tension grow.. he is analyzing every detail, he wants to ask but what if things get extremely awkward, he’s very tall- he’d have to bend down slightly (unless you’re nearly as tall as him) to do it so what if you flinch because it was unexpected.. he stops walking, he simply manages to say your name. You stared into each other's eye and then it happened, a big smile unexplainably forms in his lips complemented by a scarlet color across his whole face, his haircut made his head look like a strawberry.

There are going to be days you don't see him as much as you'd like, Tenya is very comitted to his hero patrols, he certainly would do extra hours from time to time or if the situation called for it. Let him know you like his hero suit! He’s thankful it has a helmet otherwise his flustered face would be exposed.

Whatever position you cuddle in Iida would wrap his arms around you, not only that, he’d interlock his fingers so he has a nice grip. His cuddles would be the classic spooning or having your head on his shoulder with your arm over his chest and in case you worry about his arm, this guy doesn’t know limb numbness- he literally tenses and holds his arms up every five minutes.

He sends good morning/good night texts often on the weekends since you're practically living together thanks to the dormitory system, they vary depending on the day, some are a reminder to get a proper amount of sleep or! To get done with homework so you can enjoy your free time and maybe ask if he can go over to study *cough spend time together*

He'd send the classic heart emoji, very detailed but easy to comprehend videos explaining any difficult lesson and history related stuff like paint restorations or facts about iconic sculptures. Please don’t send him those videos of people accidentally breaking things on museums, he’s gonna feel like something breaks inside.

M I R I O

This ray of sunshine fell for you? Your luck is so big you’d get jackpot on a slot machine on the first try-. You’re undeniably going to be good friends with Tamaki and Nejire, specially her, expect to get questions one after another without the chance to reply when she finds out you’re Mirio’s significant other, Tamaki would take it way better.

Mirio’s goofyness and confidence combined with his feelings give a unique result: he literally spoke to the boss of mafia himself twice like he was the manager in a store, but, the case is different when you’re around, he’s saying and actually good joke and suddenly.. it goes away, his mind goes blank. “So what happened after Mirio..?” “Ah.. i had practiced a lot, i don’t know what happened haha my bad!”

You’re going to get tons of his jokes and something more “intense” such as the classic “What’s in your shirt?” to make you look down so he can boop your nose with his finger, you should expect some gentle headpats as well.

If you’re shy he’s cool about it, he knows what do and adaptates to your pace, you’d start off with hand holding or rather pinky holding, he’d interwine his pinky with yours and show a bright smile. His hugs are the warmest, he doesn’t do it half-assesly, when you hug, YOU HUG, he uses both arms and slightly lifts you up! Height or strength are not a problem he’s actually one cm taller than Iida i just found out

He seems like the kind who loses their pen or eraser despite seeing it on their desk just one minute ago, if you happen to be that kind as well you’re both going to lay down your faith on poor Tamaki’s hands, i’m sure he has all his material complete.

He hardly ever gets nervous or scared by anything, things like the first kiss would go pretty smooth, instead of blushing intensely he’d just chuckle with slight disbelief, his mind is racing like “I just did that? woah!”. The biggest trouble for him would be gifts, he wants it to be perfect but asking Nejire for advice is not a good idea, roses are too formal and they don’t last long, going to the movies seems a little cliche.. his first gift would end up being a plushie of your favorite animal and a bamboo.

He’d sneak a kiss or two, specially before the class is begginning a training session, he’d send you a text telling you to go outside the changing rooms and oop! He phases through the wall poking out his head to give you a kiss kiss. If you don’t mind a prank from time to time he’d give a little scare using his quirk.

This guy is the big spoon during cuddles, no arguing! He could switch but as time goes by he’d slowly shift into the big spoon, that’s just the way he is, the most usual position would be where you’re facing each other with your limbs wrapping around the other’s body. Waking up with him would be adorable and attractive, morning and night are the only times of the day when his hair isn’t gelled into his All Might-like hairstyle, those blonde locks would frame his face, a heavenly sight.

Would send you a pic of stray animals he rescued with a “:D!” and Sir. Nighteye 'torturing' Bubble girl (half of his head visibly on a corner of the image). If you longed for a pet badly he would bring a nice dog/cat he finds around! In his hero suit to make the moment more special.

He uses the smiling emojis and emoticons! And shares videos of animals he finds adorable, if you sent him fails videos he'd laugh as long as the falls don't seem extreme or too severe, small trips on the beach or slips on the snow are fine. Mirio sends gifs i just know.

A I Z A W A

Have you taken a look at him? You must be a big The Walking Dead fan to like him lmao. Aizawa gives me an unexplainable gut feeling that he'd prefer a civilian (perhaps quirkless?) significant other over a hero, he wouldn't want his partner to go into the same dangerous situations he does.

His affection is tired, let me explain, he'd hug you and all that physical stuff but it'd kinda feel like his arms fall limply around you, still, even with his minuscule clingyness he loves you with all his might! He doesn't fall for anyone.

Not very fond of PDA, in public he'd preferr temple/forehead kisses and having your hand on the crook of his arm instead of hand holding (thinking about it Iida would do that too), seems more discret and! you don't let go when his hands are busy. He'd initiates it by gently resting your hand on his arm and sinking his hand into his pocket.

Surprise! He does smile, not that maniactic-looking grin he has sometimes during his shifts at U.A when a student impresses him, this one is less wide but somehow more tender and sweet, he tilts his head and for once his eyes seem relaxed, a relationship would make his cheeks hurt.. either for he's not used to smile so much or he smiles more than he thought he would.

If you give him a cat.. that's a strong blow straight to one of his weakest spots, he'd stare both at you and the kitten with a dumbfounded look before picking it up in his arm like a baby, his hand gravitates towards his it's head giving some nice pets before he shows a rare and somewhat bright smile "Thank you very much." Next time have a camera ready damnit! That smile rarely shows up.

He's practical, he wants his gifts to be nice but useful as well. He’d get you those mugs with candies inside, you get the candy and you can use the mug later for your coffee or tea; a power bank with a nice color or design and in case he choses something smaller: a bamboo, those one don’t wither away. Aizawa is fine with whatever you get for him, big or small he appreciates it. Sweaters, scarfs and blankets would be his favorite thing to get though, he likes to stay warm while working late at night

He’s sneaky, as an underground hero he’s used to work at times when the streets look disolated and the dark crime has more freedom to do as it pleases, he wouldn’t want to wake you up unless you asked him to. He’d leave a note on is pillow with the time he wrote it at and a short loving phrase like “i love you, i’ll be back soon, good morning”, before he leaves he’d always lift the sheet up to your neck or drag it away if you seem to be kicking it off you and give you a small kiss.

You’d find him passed out in his sleeping bag with his laptop besides him at random spots of his appartment, if it wasn’t because of the unatura position he adopts to fit in his sleeping bag he’d give you a death scare ‘cause let’s be honest he doesn’t look one hundred percent alive even when he’s awake. “Shota..? Shota can you hear me?!” “I’m not dead.”

Hibrid of big-small spoon. Most of the times you cuddle he’s asleep and you go snuggle him, his hair is a mess so better prepare to get tickled all night. He pull you close the best way he can when you’re behind him, not very comfortable for his arm but it’s worth it. He’d have you like a pillow over him, his chin over your head and both arms around you.

This man doesn’t bother typing when he can use his voice, the only situations he uses regular text messages are when he’s on shift or with you sleeping next to him. Send him gifs of kittens and a ‘i love you’ it instanstly gives him a good mood! He’d send pics of cats he sees around and gifts he bought you, doesn’t use emojis.

*COLLAPSES ON THE GROUND* Big oof- requests are open.

#mha headcanons #aizawa x reader #iida x reader #mirio x reader #fluff headcanons #requests open #mha fluff #fluff requests #my hero imagines #my hero academia #my brain is dying

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wincore · 4 years ago

Text

vixen | nakamoto yuta

pairing: kitsune!yuta x female!reader

words: 5.1k

summary: every year, you visit the fox who claims to know everything about you.

genre: fantasy/folklore, fluff, angst(?)

warnings: suggestive, mention of past bullying, one excessively flirty nakamoto yuta

song rec(s): clear and sunny - sou (cover)

a/n: this is for all you furries who aren’t quite furries yet muah (im joking) but aaaa love exploring folklore and also i should put in a disclaimer that not every aspect adheres to the original tales of the kitsune <3 i did not proofread btw and i am very sorry

Some things never change.

Examples: boys, shitty friends, death, and the scent of nostalgia. To you, that very scent happens to be the earthy smell of chrysanthemums and a faint waft of spices from the kitchen in your parents’ house. To you, October is not just another month. To you, there is one more thing that never changes and it is not your belief in old ghost stories.

Around this time of the year, the autumn festival begins in a flurry of vibrant red smudges and a whiff of excitement, in streets suddenly brought alive. The skies are candied orange, and it’s the only time you aren’t tired of home. This time is also when you find yourself right in the clutches of the one demon you swore you’d avoid for the rest of your life. You swore. It’s not your fault that said demon is a little, let’s say, tempting.

Tempting in the most vexing, infuriating way possible. Bewitching, cruel, seducing—all that foxes are and all that you’ve heard of them could not have prepared you for an encounter. Folklore runs deep through you. The memories of a certain fox-boy run deeper.

It is not the festival you are here for.

You yawn, leaning against the wooden door frame of the shop. It would be inappropriate to fall asleep on the job, especially since there are a bunch of children staring idly at you. You close your mouth quickly, resting the back of your hand against your lips. Late afternoon is an easy time to fall asleep. You have half the mind to snarl at the kids to scare them off, their gaze getting on your nerves and when you think you will, you turn the other way. Manners come first to you, no matter how temperamental you get.

The procession has gathered a crowd. Some shouts and squeals from the children make you slump further. At least they’re having fun with whatever stupid game they’re playing. You breathe in the autumn air. A part of you wonders if you simply let your feet lead you down the stairs, you’d be free of this entire ordeal. You shake your head. Temptation has always been hard to resist—never meant to be resisted but you’re much older now. There is dignity to be answered.

October is mild—your grandmother’s shop is still on the verge of collapse, your mother still yells at you for misplacing kitchen utensils and your old friends from school still gossip about who you’re dating. It’s like the script never changes; people change the meaning, twist their words in the same old pattern. If you were a little less behaved, you would have poured your drink over their heads yesterday.

You clench your jaw. It’s always an ‘Oh, you’re so attractive’ and an ‘I wish I could date as many men as you do but I’m loyal to my boyfriend’, or even a ‘Must be nice being surrounded by boys all the time’. You know what they mean. It’s not the first time you’ve been called a fox, and you don’t think it’ll be the last—at least until you decide to stop letting your hometown suffocate you. Maybe you’ll accept what they say. You have heard of what hatred left unchecked can do.

If you’re honest, you haven’t been with too many men. If you’re a little more honest, none of them have ever made your heart race.

You watch the children play with a keen eye, their painted masks ridiculously large for their faces and in brightly coloured clothes contrasting well with the town. You might not be allowed to fall asleep, but there’s nothing against closing your eyes for a second or two.

The image of glinting yellow eyes and a fanged smile pop up and you quickly open your eyes. You don’t know why your heart beats so loud at the mere thought of him, thoughts in which his lips are full and painted red, and his bright smile is stretched upon them. Sometimes, the thought of him is in gentle washes, his hand fixing your hair, or a flirty smile when you dare stumble upon him on a particularly sleepless night. You shake your head to get rid of the thought. That is not love. Some sort of embarrassing attraction, maybe. However, the friendship you have is worse.

“I see you’re a slacker as always.”

Your grandmother’s voice breaks you out of your cycle of thoughts and you’re almost grateful.

“I sold approximately zero sweets,” you snort. “Why can’t we just do away with the shop?”

“You’re starting to sound like your mother,” your grandma calls from behind one of the counters, distaste ringing clear in her voice.

You sigh. “Fine, but… you work way too hard to make these for them to not sell.”

“Maybe they would sell if a certain little lady would stay and help.”

You groan, leaning your head back. “You know I have work in the city.”

Your grandmother waves her hand about, dismissing your reasoning. She fiddles around in the shadows for a bit before coming forward with more boxes than she should be able to hold.

“You don’t have to feel too guilty. Yuta’s been helping out,” your grandmother informs fondly. “You could learn a thing or two from him.”

You’re not the superstitious sort and yet still, your heart beats faster. For him, or for the bad omens foxes bring to a household—you don’t know.

You scoff instead. “He’s not as great a guy as you think, grandma. He can be really mean too!”

“Oh, I doubt that. Have you seen his smile? Impossible.” Your grandmother waves it off before drawing nearer, voice hushed without reason. “Have you thought about it then? He is handsome, isn’t he?”

“Grandma.”

You’re not sure what old women go through in their youth that makes them something of a matchmaker in their later years. You think the whole ordeal is messed up. There is no way you’re going to stick your nose into your grandchildren’s love life; it’s gross.

“These should be enough for the children, no?” Your grandmother asks and you look up.

“You’re giving them away for free?” you question, furrowing your eyebrows. “And you talk about bad business.”

She places her hand on her hip, pointing an accusatory finger. “You’re going to lecture your grandmother?”

You raise your hands up in defeat, standing up to help her with the red boxes of acorn candy and paper wraps of roasted chestnuts. You end up with the entire load in your arms, your grandmother happily shuffling about as she locks up the store.

You turn sharply at the surprised sound behind you. The evening has settled in and glowing lanterns bring forward the evidence, the darkening streets flooding with round droplets of light.

But it is not the festival you are looking at.

Yuta looks somewhat serene, your cheeks heating up despite yourself. You look at him with bated breath, hoping the boxes obscure your face enough to make the vaguely positive emotions less evident. The dark red jacket draped over his shoulder does not look out of place—in fact, he fits in so well you would’ve mistaken him for another face in the crowd if he weren’t stupidly gorgeous. He looks at you with no strong emotion in the eyes before breaking into a smile; and when his hand strokes the top of your head as a greeting, he seems fond. He always does.

“Grandma,” he calls with his best smile, turning to the old woman.

Your grandmother doesn’t need any more convincing of his character.

“Oh, there you are! Did I tell you (name)’s back? I wanted to break the news to you earlier. Ah…I must have forgotten.”

You glance from Yuta to her. Is this another one of her tricks and tests?

“She’s always here this time of the year,” he responds, laughing politely.

“Ah, you remembered,” she says, eyes crescent as she smiles back. “Help her with the boxes. The city has made her so frail.”

“I’m good,” you choke on the words, hurriedly moving away and almost dropping one of the boxes.

You slip on your sandals and scurry off faster, wishing he’d just stay behind. He always has. The air makes you shiver but you’re adamant; and it’s not the only trait of yours to make relationships fail.

“You know, you should be nicer to old friends.”

You try not to react when Yuta takes the boxes from you, matching your pace almost effortlessly.

“I thought foxes ran away once they’re found out,” you snap, reluctantly letting him take the packages.

Yuta rolls his eyes. “I see you still aren’t very fond of me.”

“Not when you’re tricking my grandmother like this,” you hiss.

“You call helping trickery?” he retaliates.

“Foxes bring bad business,” you mutter.

“I’m the reason your grandmother’s business is somewhat above the water.”

You sigh, exasperated. There’s no point in wasting your breath. You look away, crossing your arms as you walk, the silence between the two of you suddenly awkward. Even so, you’re not going to open your mouth for him.

“Would you two slow down?” your grandmother calls, voice weary. “We’re already there.”

The two of you halt in your tracks immediately, taking mellow steps back to her. She looks over the two of you with furrowed eyebrows and you try to think of an explanation when she starts laughing.

“Oh, I don’t mind the two of you flirting,” she says, littered with slow laughter. “Just make sure the food is where it’s supposed to be.”

You’re about to refute when Yuta laughs, the sound still boyish and lively. “Of course. (name) missed me so much this year, she couldn’t help herself.”

You give him a pointed look which he ignores, deliberately or not. “We- I wasn’t—”

“Grandmother, if you’ll give us permission,” he interrupts, settling the packages on the table by the food stall and smiling wide. “We’ll go enjoy the festival now.”

She bobs her head in affirmation and Yuta grabs your hand to pull you into the bustling street, your silent plea for help ignored by your smug grandmother.

“What are you doing?” you ask, slipping your hand from his. “You aren’t- You aren’t trying to eat my liver, are you?”

“Why the liver? Can’t I have the rest of you too?”

It’s not like you were particularly alarmed but his response makes you feel a flush of embarrassment.

“It’s been a year since I last saw you,” he says before his voice turns a shade cooler. “Have you thought about my proposal?”

You fall silent. The overthinking started last year too. Your thoughts and dreams, so easily pervaded by him and all it took was one sentence.

“We should get married.”

“Why did you even think I’d agree to that?” You try not to get too flustered. He knows all your petty weaknesses and you’d rather not have them on display for him to stare and pick at. “What the fuck would I get out of marrying you?”

Yuta whistles. “I like your tongue. But—yes, to answer your question, you’d get a very handsome and capable husband. Your bed will always be warm and oh, speaking of beds—”

You clamp your hand over his mouth at the suggestive look he sends, worried about being spotted by one of your school friends. Ah, right—friends, the very same people that smell of jealousy and won’t miss any opportunity to throw a jab your way. Friends. You can’t believe you’re still afraid of their judgement.

“And why do you want to get married to me?” you ask, looking into his eyes.

There’s a pause, filled with the chatter of the crowd.

“You look like you’re afraid of finding someone,” he speaks finally, ignoring your question. “Or is it the other way around?”

You roll your eyes, ready to walk off when he grabs your wrist to pull you closer to his chest. It draws some looks from nearby people, your eyes darting from face to face in fear. You take a deep breath and look at Yuta again, almond eyes distracting.

“People will think we’re lovers,” you whisper, almost a hiss.

“What’s wrong with that?”

You breathe out in disbelief. “You’re really something.”

“What? Why did you always come to meet me then? Behind the keyaki tree?”

“It wasn’t for you,” you lie quickly. “I had nothing better to do.”

Pining after a fox? You could never have feelings for him. Even so, your answer comes off childish and silly, and somehow he’s the only one to be able to draw that side of you—the you that is messy and unprepared.

Yuta smiles in return. “You think people can’t fall in love with us the same way they fall in love with most everything.”

It’s a statement, not a question.

“How conservative of you,” he leaves with an airy remark, but not before urging you to follow him.

The sizzling sound of food being fried and the knocking, clicking sound of children playing games, all these forgotten sounds grow louder and for a second, if only you let yourself, you could close your eyes and it would be just like your first date.

No. It’s different. You look up, eyes trailing over Yuta’s back, his golden hair, how his figure moves with ease and confidence.

It is different.

You raise an eyebrow at the box of takoyaki Yuta shoves towards you, an expecting look across his face.

“You like this, don’t you?” he asks, an uncharacteristic hesitation in his voice.

You hum in response, taking the box from him and saving yourself the trouble of asking whether he paid for it or simply charmed his way through.

“Eh, no thank you?” he complains. “How polite.”

You scrunch your nose to accompany an exaggerated smile and he laughs, the two of wandering over the asphalt streets. Your hands are close enough to brush—and if a twenty-something year-old woman can feel jittery because of it, hands truly are meant to share warmth. The smell of candy and caramel fills the air, making you smile. You’ve saved enough for the taste of home, you think.

The taste of home.

Inevitably, the thought of kissing your companion crosses your mind and you stop in your tracks. Whatever. It must be natural when someone as attractive is beside you. Those aren’t feelings. You curse yourself for feeling like a teenager again.

The festival grounds aren’t as shabby as you expect them to be. The city,—if you could call this one—stops here and the earth spreads out to the forest behind. The crowd also thins, and you take a fresh breath. They’re selling old books in the corner, but no one seems to be there.

“The raccoon dogs,” Yuta whispers in your ear, with an arcane smile. “Want to visit those rascals?”

You roll your eyes. He knows you’ve heard one too many folktales for a lifetime, seen one too many. It’s time to go home, especially now that the thought of thanking him crosses your mind. You’re about to turn when your shoulder crashes into someone else’s. A surprised, syrupy smile greets you, which you cannot return for the first few moments. Yui’s smile wavers and you flash her a quick smile. A friend. Her arm is looped through her lover’s, the one she never shuts up about and suddenly the urge to pour water over her head returns.

Yuta glances from you to her before pressing his lips together, as if suppressing laughter. You’re almost offended when Yui laughs flippantly.

“You’re on a date too? I knew you couldn’t stand spending the festival alone,” she says, tugging her lover closer.

People have always told you who you are and what you do. As if they know better.

You smile awkwardly. “It’s… actually not—”

“Oh, don’t be shy.” She gently pats your shoulder before leaning in. “He’s a real catch. As expected from you. You can never leave the boys alone.”

You know what she really means. You’ve heard the same words in high school when she was shoving you into a wall behind the school. The sickening smile is still on her face.

You gulp, feeling sixteen again. The lack of people around somehow makes it more awkward and you’re about to excuse yourself when suddenly, Yuta bumps into Yui and his warm drink spills over her left shoulder. Your eyes widen, more in confusion. When did he leave? You don’t doubt his ability to sneak past people, but surely you couldn’t have been so enraptured in your own feelings that you barely noticed.

“I’m so sorry,” Yuta says, voice honeyed with surprise.

Yui looks like she’s about to explode when she looks at him, her expression dropping to a calmer one almost immediately.

It’s an easy look to recognize. They always have it when they first meet Yuta, whether it’s the smile that’s too dazzling or the pretty round eyes.

How persuasive, those eyes.

“Ah… I must have not seen you,” she says faintly, and Yuta’s smile widens.

Before he can stir up more trouble, you slip your arm into his and pull him away, not caring for another polite apology to an old, almost nameless face.

“I was having fun,” Yuta complains, voice still smug and calm.

You glare at him and it only seems to add fuel to the fire, to whatever cold fire dances at his fingertips.

“You’re happy, right? Don’t look at me like that. You should reward me.”

You don’t respond, looking away and hoping to get at least a word in about how troublesome he is every single time you visit. Yuta has other plans, however. Leaning his head to look you in the eye, he maintains a distance which looks perfectly decent but feels less than so.

“How about a kiss? I deserve one, don’t I?” He moves his head closer to yours, making you shy away.

You grab him by the belt and pretend to not catch a glimpse of the pleased look on his face as you drag him into a secluded part by the forest.

It’s quieter here, so much that you can almost hear your own heart drumming in your chest, and the faint light of the distant festival grounds doesn’t help much at all. It’s dark as dusk, and you can only make out Yuta’s jawline and a faint smirk over his lips. You think that if a fox ever wanted to eat your liver, this would be the perfect spot.

“You did something,” you finally utter the words. “You did something to me.”

“Why do you think I did something? Do you mean love?” he responds with a cheeky smile. “This means you’ve been thinking about me? How cute—”

“Yuta, stop it,” you warn.

“Or what? You should stop me yourself.”

You grab the lapels of his jacket, the cloth bunching as your knuckles turn white. The anger you feel isn’t the first of its kind—it’s just a little funny how it’s always Yuta every time, making you remember the burning feeling time and time again. You find yourself unable to respond.

“Oh, don’t hold back,” he provokes, leaning in.

You push at his chest in exasperation, but he grabs your wrists before you can retract your hands.

“Scared?” he whispers.

You pull apart anyway, a scowl over your lips. “You’re as annoying as ever. Don’t you have anyone else to bother?”

“Ooh! Sharp claws. You’d be lovely as my fox-bride.” he teases.

Your face flares with heat. “I’m not your… I’m not a fox.”

“I didn’t say a fox, I said—”

“I know what you said,” you snap, massaging your wrist so you don’t have to look at him.

Yuta falls quiet for a moment, voice lower when he speaks again.

“Is it so nasty to be called a fox? There are worse things, you know.”

You scoff, growing increasingly annoyed. “Of course you’d say that. I hate it. I hate this town. I hate foxes and I hate you.”

Yuta places a hand over his chest, gasping with no emotion. Your eyes linger over his long, painted nails a little longer before you meet his eyes. A part of you regrets saying the words but you couldn’t help it. The shroud choking your hometown makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs every time you’re here. You hate this place.

But you don’t hate him, after all.

You try to clear yourself of the thought. A gentle gust of wind brings you back to the present, Yuta still glancing at you with no giveaway to what he’s feeling.

“You wouldn’t make a terrible fox though,” he says, eyes sharp. “Don’t they know you’re a vixen already? How many livers will you eat?”

You suck in a breath, tears stinging at your eyes. However, it’s not like you to get so easily affected by him. No. No, somehow that doesn’t make sense either. Those words do hurt from Yuta and you’re not sure if it’s just because he's the only one you didn’t expect them from.

“You…”

“What? Aren’t you going to lash at me again? You’re so predictable.”

His voice is calm despite your obvious annoyance and you feel flames lick at your heart. Your hand moves before you can think, about to meet his cheek when he grabs your wrist. You struggle, trying to pull free but to no avail and you use the other hand to hit him in the chest. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t bother him and that same feline smile curves up his lips.

You feel something you haven’t before, a warm growl at the pit of your stomach.

You push with all your strength, catching Yuta off guard and he stumbles backward but not before pulling you into him. Consequently, either of you lose footing and land on the grass with a sudden thud, Yuta’s side pressed against yours. His hands still clutch your wrist, and he shifts to hover over you.

“We used to wrestle like this as a litter,” he says, erupting into full laughter. “Ah, memories. I don’t even know if they’re alive or dead now.”

Yuta is much stronger than he looks, and he’s taken your tantrum as a source of amusement much to your infuriation. He has your hands pinned back, eyes unaffected as he scans over your face. You try to shift but there’s just too much weight on you. You breathe slowly, chest rising and falling in time with his. His earrings sway gently in the wind, dangling a few inches above you—he’s pretty, so pretty. Admitting defeat has never been your forte but now that your senses are gathering again, you feel a flush of embarrassment for losing your temper.

Or perhaps, it is something else when you register the lack of distance between your noses.

“Playtime’s over,” Yuta coos. “You’re kinda cute when you’re losing.”

He tilts his head, an adoring smile over his lips. For a moment, they’re all you see.

Can a fox comfort you? Can a fox make you feel loved on the darkest of nights? Your mind races with questions your heart does not want to answer.

Yuta leans in to close the distance and despite every nerve in your body, you turn your head away. You can hear him gulp, the following moments painfully quiet before he gets up. Your breath is soft and shallow, lying on the ground till you get enough courage to sit up.

You almost gasp. His tails are clearer under the dim moonlight, all nine of them golden and luxurious. The light hitting his face isn’t any less flattering and once again you are reminded of how handsome he is, fairytale or not.

Yuta looks uncomfortable, and that’s a first for you.

“I’m sorry,” you say, though you don’t know why.

He waves his hand dismissively, annoyed.

“Yuta,” you take a step forward.

“I see the way you look at me,” he says quietly, “Is it not want?”

You fall silent, biting your lip so you don’t retort violently. He doesn’t look particularly malicious when he says that but you do not want to give him the satisfaction of an answer yet.

He quietens for a moment before a look of curiosity flashes across his features.

“What is it then?” he asks. “Is it a secret? Foxes love secrets. Tell me.”

Despite every bone in your body burning up, you find it in yourself to laugh.

“I don’t think I could keep a secret from you if I tried,” you finally say, before bursting into soft laughter again.

Yuta looks at you puzzled, lips parted while he stands frozen as if he were a painting. A daunting, reckless, heavenly painting.

“It’s not want,” you answer quietly. “It’s more than that. Even if I hated it. I like you.”

Yuta’s ears perk up at your confession. “So- so you admit, then? You are interested?”

“I could blame you for this, you know?” You shrug, hugging yourself once the night starts to feel cold again. Yuta begins to take off his jacket when you stop him, gently pressing your palm against his chest.

“You’re a fox, after all,” you whisper. “Like me. What they think of me.”

Yuta purses his lips. “Does it really hurt you? No, wait. Did they- did they—”

“Now, you tell me,” you cut him off. “Why do you insist on getting married—to me?”

There’s a pause. The crickets chirp a merry tune despite the leisurely darkness of the night.

“You’re not terrible,” he says, nonchalantly.

You glare at him and he raises his hands in defeat. He looks wearier the more you look at him.

“I want to grow old,” he mumbles after a long pause. “Properly.”

You hold your breath.

“And you want to do it with me?”

Another flower blooms in your chest, as if he hasn’t planted a garden in there already. The lights from the festival flicker down, the lanterns burning brighter in the distance. He glances at them for a moment, your eyes still fixated on him.

The tails glow even brighter in the dark, as if gold in broad daylight. You’ve always been curious about him and his kind, all the stories; but he says he’s too old to remember if you ask.

You reach out to touch one of the tails, wondering if the fur is as warm as it looks. They’re pale and captivating, but they look so soft—they shouldn’t belong to an animal so vicious. Is he, though? Is he all that you think he is or have all these years failed you? If anything, he’s quite probably not as much a fox as you are, you think bitterly.

The fur is warm, but the realization is short-lived.

A short growl leaves the corner of his mouth. Yuta glares at you like he was stolen from and yet, you do not move your hand. Some part of you wants to aggravate him further.

“I’m not a pet,” he snaps. “Stop that.”

“You should stop me yourself,” you mimic his voice.

Yuta’s shoulders relax, and he looks down but you can still see the trembling smile on his face. It’s the way he looks at you, you think to yourself, maybe that's the reason after all.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you say, feeling warmer than the autumn night should allow.

“Like what?” he asks, still smiling.

You look away.

“You’re not too fox-like, you know?” you mumble. “You’re just annoying. And flirty. And annoying.”

Yuta chuckles, before pressing his palm to the top of your head.

“And you’re lovely.”

You give in to the gesture of affection, leaning your head to press against his shoulder.

“Why do you even do all this? What do you get out of it?” you say, voice muffled. He hears you clearly, however.

“Because I love you,” he responds, as if coming to terms with it himself. “More than you think.”

There is no joke, no flirtation to his tone, no decoration upon his words. It’s plain, and laid bare. And sometimes, simplicity is scariest.

You pull back, lips pulled into a frown. The air is cold once more; the longing for warmth flowing into you. The silence is worse.

“You don't believe foxes can fall in love,” he states softly upon a wavering smile. “I knew that. Of course.”

A part of him believes it too.

“I…” you begin, and for the first time, you are afraid of promises in the name of love. You are the one making them now.

“I’ll believe you,” you whisper, “I’ll believe you so please… please take care of me.”

You place your palm against his cheek, his skin bewitchingly warm.

“Only if you take care of me,” he whispers back, leaning in.

This time, you do not move.

The lovers’ kiss you’d been searching for—lovers’ warmth, lovers’ comfort—all of it comes crashing down once Yuta tightens his arm around your waist, the other hand resting gently at the base of your neck. He kisses with the right amount of pressure, the vague taste of sweet berries in his mouth.

You used to fear his touch, like he would eat you whole; even if they have been gentle, always. This time, you might as well let him. He presses his lips from your cheek to jaw to neck, lingering at each spot enough to make you clutch at his shirt tighter, taking in short gasps of breath. You kiss for a little longer, like time means nothing.

“We should go back,” you whisper, pulling apart.

Yuta kisses you again, the distance unacceptable.

“Yuta—”

He kisses you once more, your calls falling on deaf ears.

Finally, after another long kiss, he pulls apart enough to rest his forehead against yours, eyes still closed.

“It must have been hard for you,” he mumbles.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” you scoff.

“Foxes are faithful lovers, you know?” he insists.

You laugh. “What do you mean?”

“It means I’ll follow you everywhere.”

He stands up straight, his thumb stroking your cheek as he bites back a smile.

“I don’t think we should get back tonight,” he suggests all of a sudden. “We could book a hotel. That’s the place you use these days, right? I’m sure your grandmother will understand your absence—”

You groan, resting your forehead against his shoulder and he presents a delighted laugh in return. It is warm by his side; he is warm. You find it easy to forget the failures in love, the loneliness of a lover that isn’t meant to be yours. Folktales are just long tales, after all. You smile to yourself.

You should’ve known—it was the fox all along.

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anxious-logic · 4 years ago

Text

The Sides of a Haunting

Inspired by that one post on here that’s like “what if Nico thinks Thomas is haunted but it’s actually just the sides”

I ended up changing it a little bit from the post because I liked my version better

Warnings: Ghost mention, haunting mention, Virgil swears a little, Janus and Remus aren’t unsympathetic but they’re not really sympathetic either, they’re just hanging out

Word count: 2832 (this is what happens when I don’t set arbitrary deadlines for myself)

Summary: Nico’s pretty sure Thomas is haunted. Weird things keep happening around him - things that can’t be explained in this realm of existence. But does Nico really want to deal with another existential crisis?

Something was going on with Thomas.

The first time Nico had come over to Thomas’s house, he’d noticed a few weird things; Thomas kept whispering to himself (what Nico could hear sounded like one side of a conversation) and he would look at something, blink, and then it’d move. Originally, he’d just put it down to nervousness; both of them were tense at the situation, so his mind must have been playing tricks on him.

But then as they had gotten to know each other better and spending more time together, he’d noticed more… weird things.

He’d see some items float in front of him for a minute, before Thomas would hiss something, and then the floating thing would either drop suddenly or vanish altogether. Nico would knock on Thomas’s bathroom door because he’d been in there for a long time, and he would hear Thomas shushing somebody.

Then there would be the times when Thomas’s hair or clothes would move, when they were inside without any significant air flow. His hair would ruffle itself, sometimes, or his shirt would straighten. Sometimes his collar would turn the right way out, or his pants would even out.

Even weirder, he’d occasionally see something out of the corner of his eye. A flash of purple, usually, although sometimes it was red. Once he’d seen light blue, and then yellow right after that.

And then there were the reflections.

He’d be walking with Thomas outside, and he’d notice their reflection in one of the windows of the shops. Except it wasn’t just him and Thomas – there were other people, too, who looked almost identical to Thomas except for very small differences. But then he’d look again, and they’d disappear. It happened in mirrors, windows, he even could have sworn he saw something in his phone camera once.

And then!

There were six people that Thomas kept mentioning – Virgil, Roman, Patton, Logan, Janus, and Remus. He barely mentioned Janus, and Remus even less than that, but he’d say something about how “Patton said” this, and “Logan would say” that, and “Virgil would love” something that Nico had said, and “Roman thinks” Disney is the ultimate franchise.

The thing was… he mentioned them almost more than he mentioned some of his other friends, and Nico had never met them. Thomas hadn’t mentioned anything about them living far away; there had been no FaceTimes that Nico was aware of; and yet, Thomas would bring up something that one of them had said “yesterday” or “last week” or even “earlier today”.

So, yeah, something was going on.

If he didn’t know better, he’d say that Thomas was… haunted, maybe. Except that Thomas seemed to be very familiar with these… ghosts, for lack of a better term; from what Nico could figure, when Thomas was in the bathroom, he was talking to them. He didn’t sound scared (at least not most of the time).

So yeah, Nico was confused. And he wasn’t sure if he… wanted to bring this up with Thomas. It would be nice, sure, to know what was going on with him, but he didn’t want to deal with an existential crisis if the explanation was something… otherworldly.

Sue him, he’d had an existential crisis when he figured out he was gay. One was enough to tide him over until he was at least fifty.

Nico rocked back and forth on his feet as he waited for Thomas to open the door. They were going to hang out for a bit today – Nico had suggested going on a picnic, but Thomas said he wasn’t sure if he was up for a more formal outing, so they might just be staying in and watching movies together.

Suddenly, he heard voices from inside. He perked up, absentmindedly checking that his hair and clothes were in order.

“We’re going to scare him away,” Nico heard, muffled through the door. The voice was deep and forceful.

“No we won’t, kiddo!” another voice said. This one was lighter, more bubbly.

“We can’t continue leading him on,” a loud voice added. Well, louder than the rest of them.

“Falsehood.”

Nico was surprised by how close this voice was. He stepped back from where his ear was pressed up to the door, whirling his arms to try to avoid falling down the steps.

It didn’t work.

The voices inside the house went silent as Nico crashed down the steps, rattling the railing on the steps and groaning as he hit the bottom. There was a second when everything went quiet, and then someone opened the door.

Even though he looked identical to Thomas, something about him just felt… different. He was wearing glasses, for one thing, which Nico had never seen before. He was wearing a black polo shirt, and a blue necktie (which… well, Nico was pretty sure Thomas would only put on a necktie if there was a reason, and a date with him was not something that would fall under that category).

“Are you injured?” the stranger asked. Nico blinked as his brain short-circuited as another person appeared behind the stranger. This one was also identical to Thomas and also wearing glasses, but had on a light blue polo and a gray cardigan tied around his shoulders.

“Oh, kiddo, are you okay? Is anything broken?”

Nico shook his head slowly, propping himself up on his forearms. “…Nothing’s broken, no.”

The man in the tie nodded. “Optimal. Thomas?”

Then Thomas pushed past the two men in the doorway, his face panicked. He ran down the front steps, crouching in front of Nico.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” he asked, his hands fluttering over Nico.

“I’m fine,” Nico said. He could feel a soft smile spreading across his face – they’d been dating for three whole months, and he still couldn’t help turning into a smitten preteen around Thomas.

“Here,” Thomas said, offering a hand to help Nico up. Nico took it, lacing his fingers with Thomas’s when they stood up.

He was interrupted by a squealing noise coming from the doorway. Another man was standing there, this time without glasses. He was wearing a white jacket with gold braiding, with a red sash laying diagonally across his chest. He was the source of the noise, and was bouncing up and down and flapping his hands.

Thomas’s eyes widened, and he gave panicked glances to Nico and the men in the doorway. “Um,” he said. His breathing increased.

“Fuck,” came from the doorway. Nico looked up to see a man in an oversized hoodie and black eyeshadow under his eyes breathing quickly, his hands shaking.

Sweater turned around to face Eyeshadow. “Oh, c’mon kiddo, it’ll be okay,” he said. “Let’s all go inside, and get this figured out, okay?” He hustled Tie, Sash, and Eyeshadow inside. “We’ll be inside when you’re ready, okay Thomas?” he called behind him.

“…Okay,” Thomas said, his voice quiet. He was staring at the sidewalk, his free hand fidgeting with the material of his pants.

“You wanna introduce me to those people?” Nico asked, squeezing Thomas’s hand. He tried to make the question not too accusatory or nosey – just… an opening, if Thomas wanted.

Thomas blew out a breath, nodding to himself once. “Sure,” he said. He seemed to be steeling himself, or planning something.

He walked Nico up the steps, opening the door for him. Nico stepped in, putting his bag down next to the door. As he turned around, he was surprised to see the four people standing in Thomas’s living room.

Tie was standing just a few feet away from where Nico was right now, his hands clasped behind him. Sweater was standing in front of the back window, his hands on his hips. Sash was in front of the TV, his arms crossed and a pouty look on his face. Nico could barely see another person – Eyeshadow, maybe? – sitting on the stairs, sprawled out.

Thomas gently tugged Nico to the couch, where they sat down. The other four men looked at Thomas attentively.

“How would you like to approach this, Thomas?” Tie asked expectantly. Sash rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything.

“Just- let me handle it, for now,” Thomas said, taking a shaky breath. He closed his eyes, then shifted to face Nico, holding both of his hands.

“So… Nico…” he started, his voice hesitant. Nico nodded encouragingly. “So, this is kinda weird. But… this is Patton,” Sweater waved, “Roman,” Sash bowed to Nico, “Virgil,” Eyeshadow gave a two-fingered salute, “and Logan,” Tie gave a polite nod. “They’re… aspects of my personality. That I can manifest. Into people. That can affect the real world.”

Nico blinked, thinking about it. He looked up at the other four people. Sweater – Patton – had a… hopeful look on his face. Roman looked like he was preparing for ultimate failure, and Virgil had a look in his eyes like he was ready to run. Logan was simply staring at Nico, his face impassive.

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Aspects of your personality – who’s what, then?”

All of the others immediately brightened – although Nico noticed that Logan seemed to tamp down his excitement quickly, returning to a neutral expression.

“I’m Thomas’s Morality!” Patton exclaimed happily. “I help him figure out what’s right and wrong, I tell dad jokes, and I try to keep the spirits up!”

“I’m his Creativity,” Roman said, then paused. A strange expression crossed his face, before he shook his head quickly and continued. “I help Thomas think of video ideas and help him with his parts in acting productions. I’m also a… manifestation of the ego, and am a part of his romantic feelings-”

“I’m his Anxiety,” Virgil interrupted. “’Nuff said.”

Logan adjusted his tie. “I am a manifestation of his Logic,” he said. “I am in possession of a majority of his knowledge, as well as the one in charge of monitoring his diet, water intake, and sleep schedule.”

Nico nodded at the introductions, mentally taking notes on all of them. Then he remembered.

“Oh – I remember, you talked about… Janus? And Remus? Are they… the same thing? Or, um. Types of people? I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s offensive.”

Thomas gave a little smile, then sighed. “Uh… yeah. I don’t… really… talk to them as much as these four, but yeah.”

“Would you like to meet them?” Logan asked.

“Why?!” Roman exclaimed. “It doesn’t- If Thomas doesn’t talk to them much, then why should Nico meet them…?” He trailed off as Logan raised his eyebrows at him.

“They are parts of Thomas, and Nico wants to know Thomas better. Is that correct?” Logan turned to Nico for confirmation.

“Yeah, I’d say that,” Nico said slowly.

“Perfect. Therefore, it makes the most sense that Nico meets Janus and Remus now, rather than putting it off.”

Thomas bit his lip. “Okay, I think- I think I’m going to say that Janus is my Deceit, he’s in charge of… basically, when I lie and what I do to lie? And Remus is… the other side of Creativity. He has… the thoughts I don’t like to think about. And the creative things that I just… generally don’t like.”

Nico nodded, squeezing Thomas’s hand sympathetically. “Okay,” he said. “I mean- you don’t have to introduce me, if you don’t want, but I’d love to if you’re open to it.”

Thomas took a deep breath, and nodded. He gestured with his hand twice, once towards Roman and once towards Logan. A person suddenly appeared next to each of them. Roman’s neighbor was dressed in a sparkly black shirt with a green sash – almost the exact opposite of Roman’s outfit. Logan’s was dressed in a dramatic overcoat and a half-cape, with yellow gloves and a hat.

“This is Remus,” Thomas introduced, wincing as he gestured at Roman’s partner, “and this is Janus.” He gestured at the dramatic-looking man next to Logan.

“Hello,” Janus said smoothly. “It is… wonderful to meet Thomas’s new… infatuation.”

Nico frowned a little bit, but Roman jumped in before he could think about that sentence too hard. “He is not an infatuation! He is Thomas’s wonderful, incredible, talented boyfriend, and we-”

Roman cut himself off, looking at Thomas. They were both blushing immensely.

“We care for him very much,” he concluded, looking down and away from everyone else. It seemed like there was more that he wanted to say, but he didn’t continue.

“I certainly care for him one way…” Remus put in, wiggling his eyebrows and shimmying his shoulders. Nico saw Virgil wince, and Roman gave Remus an offended look.

“As much fun as this was, Thomas, Remus and I have… things to go back to,” Janus said suddenly. He sunk into the floor to disappear, allowing Logan to step back into his place.

“I’ll see you later tonight, Thomas!” Remus giggled, wiggling his fingers at Thomas before sinking down as well.

Thomas winced. “Well, that was… an experience,” he said. He looked up nervously to meet Nico’s eyes. “Are you… okay…? With this?”

Nico nodded. “Of course,” he said. “I can’t say I… completely understand it, yet. But I’m not going to… break up with you, or something, over this.”

Virgil let out a deep breath from his spot on the stairs, surprising Nico a little bit. “Okay, now that that’s been determined, I’m going to go back to my room. Bye.” He sunk through the stairs and disappeared, leaving Nico blinking at the place he had been sitting.

“Sorry about that, kiddo,” Patton said, drawing Nico’s attention. “He’s a little… high-strung, sometimes – not that that’s a bad thing! – so he needs some… relaxing time, sometimes.”

Nico gave Patton a tiny smile. “I understand,” he said.

“I am going to check up on Virgil,” Logan announced. “Thomas, I hope this has helped your inner dilemma. Roman, I will talk to you in,” he checked his watch, “three hours and twenty-seven minutes.”

He sunk out as well, leaving Nico and Thomas with only Roman and Patton.

“I… very much enjoyed the chance to meet you,” Roman said, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I am going to prepare for my meeting with Logan now.”

“Bye,” Nico said, giving Roman a tiny wave.

“Sounds good,” Thomas said, giving Roman a smile.

Roman went away as the others had, his hands positioned dramatically.

“It was really nice to meet you in person, kiddo,” Patton said, looking towards Nico. “I liked seeing you hang out with Thomas when I was invisible, but it’s not quite the same, is it? Anyway, I’m going to leave you two alone, and let you talk for a little bit. See you later!”

Nico blinked rapidly as Patton sunk down, processing what he said.

“Wait,” he said, meeting Thomas’s eyes. “Were they- following us? On our dates?”

Thomas rubbed the back of his neck (just like Roman had, Nico noticed). “Um… yeah, I don’t… I don’t know what to say. They like to come out and see things in their body instead of just… in my head, I guess?” He laughed uncomfortably. “They’d… follow behind, sometimes. Give me… advice, on what to do.”

Nico leaned forward, intrigued. “Did you… follow it?”

Thomas tilted his head back and forth. “That… depends on the situation and who was out. Roman? Usually not. Logan? Usually yes, unless it was… very directly asking you to copulate with me, in which case I didn’t.”

Nico let out an embarrassingly high-pitched giggle. “Copulate?”

“Uhhh… yeah. He’s not the best with social interaction, but I love him anyway.”

Nico smiled, squeezing Thomas’s hands. They sat in silence for a few moments, before Nico had a realization.

“You’re not haunted!”

Thomas looked at him like he had grown two extra heads, a spare foot, and half an arm. “What?”

“Well, I kept seeing things in mirrors and reflections. And then there were floating things that just… disappeared, or things that moved by themselves. Or sometimes I’d hear you shushing people or talking to someone in the bathroom, or your hair and clothes would move when there wasn’t a breeze.”

Thomas’s eyes widened, before he threw his head back to laugh. “Oh, that’s hilarious,” he said. “I never thought about that, gosh!”

Nico found himself unable to stop the grin spreading across his face at Thomas’s laugh.

“Really, though,” Thomas said once he had calmed down a little. “Thank you for… being so okay with the whole thing.”

“Of course,” Nico said, leaning forward just a little to get his point across. “I don’t care.”

“It’s just- I’ve thought through a lot of different scenarios, and none of them turn out very well, and it was… honestly really nice to have someone respond positively to the sides.”

“Sides?”

“Oh, it’s – it’s what we call them. They’re sides of my personality. Sanders Sides?”

Nico gave a little giggle. “That’s clever,” he said.

Thomas perked up, with a tiny, hopeful smile on his face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Nico squeezed his hand. “I like that.”

#ts spoilers #ts fanfic #ts thomas #ts nico #karrot kings #ts roman #ts virgil #ts patton #ts logan #i can write sometimes

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karanoid · 4 years ago

Text

about top joe discord

LET ME ADDRESS A FEW POINTS:

There has been many fear and anxiety regardless the top!joe discord I made. I understand how it gives my discord a bad reputation. Somebody has kindly reached out to me to ask me addressing several points, which I’m now gonna clarify:

1. I am racist, I asked why, and they said mostly because of my dismissive behavior to people who called me out for drawing yusuf adorned in gold jewelry which made their friends feel unsafe. So, I am a muslim and was raised in a muslim household and community. I am fucking brown.

I didn’t say it because you don’t need to know that about me. What bothers me is how some people feel the need to come to my inbox informing me “maam yusuf is a religious muslim who prays 5 times a day and do all the supplementary prayers all while he drinks alcohol and fuck nicky in the dailies, he wouldnt be wearing gold maam no maam.” as if I didn’t know any better. so please, now don’t do that. If you care so much about the littlest details like wearing gold then you’ll also call out yusuf because he draws living beings and drinks champagne. yes it’s true muslim men are forbidden from wearing gold AND silk but let’s not forget, nothing in the comic and movies imply yusuf has ever been religious. It’s easier to see nicolo as religious because he was a fucking priest. Yusuf was a fucking merchant, it’s easy to see that he’d be less faithful because he would have been travelling and seen many kind of people to broaden his horizons and not contained to a little bubble of hyper religious community. However, let me remind you: whether yusuf AND nicolo are religious or not is entirely UP TO THE AUTHOR/ARTIST. It’s totally fine to make him religious and if you can respect it THATS GREAT, I ALSO LIKE HIM THAT WAY, but please remember it’s not even canon and hey sometimes I just draw things because I like the aesthetics. Also please, do not harass writers for getting a thing or two incorrect, even white people cannot get christianity correct, even between two muslims could be a disagreement whether this fic’s yusuf is problematic or not. I wouldn’t even expect anything more and THAT’S OKAY. Just don’t be an ass to muslims of color in real life and don’t fall into the believe that it’s a religion of violence. you can say that greg made him that way bc he knew nothing better but hey, I have no problem with that. again, it’s fine to make him religious, I’d be delighted but it’s ALSO fine to make him not religious.

2. I think that people only write Top!Nicky out of political correctness. OKAY. I apologize for this. I thought like this because I have accounts telling me that they were pressured into writing top!nicky or they wanted more readerships so I make a BIG assumption. I realized this is only a small part of switch and top!nicky fics and the big bulk of this must be out of genuine care. So yeah, I apologize for thinking that people only write top!nicky out of political correctness. I think writers should be allowed to write whatever they want. Yes this includes top!Nicky. And in whatever kinks they want it. However, this still doesn’t change that the discourses do scare people away from writing top!joe. Write top!nicky however you want, but stop vague-blogging about top!joe. racism isn’t inherent to top!joe and you can always remind people to be mindful with their writings but discouraging people from writing top!joe is not the solution.

3. Top!joe is racist and people in the discord are racist. Okay, I am gonna touch several aspects why top!joe discord is considered racist: (1) because I don’t like to switch them, therefore I am racist. Sorry that’s not how it works. I have a clear preference and that’s just how I roll. Besides, a lot of people in the discord (including me) think either they switch (because they are 900 yo) or joe just doesn’t like bottoming. I’m not the kind of people who refers to reality for fiction I consume but people who prefer to top or to bottom exist (2) i want to be away from accountability and responsibility. Nope. The reason I made it is because I wanted to gather people with same interest as mine.

4. I paint Yusuf as aggressive and the whole discord like him being an aggressive top. I think this is the only reason why the discord is seen in a negative light. Because wow what a coincidence that someone vagueblogged my discord at the day I celebrated about Nicky suggesting 20 years and wrote a post about how Joe is allowed to be angry. And beside someone made the WRONG assumption that we are focusing on Joe’s anger and violence (what). Okay, I don’t know how to break this down. But I will try. First, yes I was overjoyed at the news. Because I’m one of the people that do not like feral!nicky headcanon. I liked it at first bc it was funny but then it was twisted into Nicky being cold. So I don’t like it (lol), I still like it though but like I don’t seriously think that way. However, I never liked the idea that Nicky suggested higher than Joe. Because then his character just doesn’t click with me, there was a cognitive dissonance for me because joe clearly says nicky’s heart overflows kindness, you can see nicky as a medic in the credit montage. Also, from their body language and from the way the movie set em up, I think Joe is the one who suggested higher and I am glad to be proven right. Second, I did write a post about how Joe is allowed to be angry at Booker. People agreed with me, so I was not alone. But the reason I wrote that post is not because I wanted to paint yusuf as aggressive, but because I’m tired at people who think Joe shouldn’t display any negative emotions. I think it’s out of character. I do NOT think Joe is aggressive. That is NOT his wholeass personality. If you looked at my tog art tag, never once I portrayed Joe as anything aggressive. If I do, please show me. Third, people are conflating this with my post where I reblogged with a comment that implies aggressive Joe isn’t racism. Okay in this, the context is IN BED. It’s Joe being aggressive in BED. It’s literally BED ROLES AND FANTASY. I don’t even have a particular scenario in my head when I reblogged that, the original post clearly refers to bed roles with manhandling and kinks etc. like, why would you spank someone in public? Lastly, about the discord, NOPE, most people in the discord agree that Joe is either a GENTLE DOM or SERVICE TOP. But in my opinion, if someone likes Joe as an aggressive top (again, bed roles baby) I really don’t think it’s racism. It’s just... projection?

anyway, back to joe’s emotions, these are posts from a moroccan man (paragraph #7) and a brown woman whose posts I agree with. Let’s be real, people of color are expected to shut up in favor of white people’s fragile feelings.

Now, about racism in fandom. I understand the concern because muslim men are painted as violent and aggressive. You know what I will never forgive those radicals for taking away innocents lives and to leave a lasting damage in how muslims are perceived in the west. However, you have to keep in mind, Joe in the movie is far from being stereotyped. I mean, Gina and Marwan practically greenlit him? Now, you might have concerns that writers are gonna turn him into a walking stereotype which is... okay, I understand that concern. But the solution is to communicate this ‘hey I think you make him too stereotypical in this etc etc’ not “write more top!nicky AND shame top!joe” because again, top!joe is not inherently racist.

also some people mentioned that they hope I recognize racial bias in the ship. dude, that goes without saying, all aspects of your life will be influenced by racial biases. however, this kind of thing is not specific to fandom/shipping. Like I said I’m fucking brown, friends and families with facial features that cater to white expectation are treated better. I did say at the bottom of this post, yeah I did notice why it’s always a brown character who’s always openly mad. And that’s in itself a form of racial bias. Racial biases affect everyone, white or POC, it doesn’t matter. But I got an issue with how people think this is racism. like how convenient, if by falling to racial biases mean you are a racist then what about those white people who created this racial biases in the first place? and I noticed the persons who got the audacity to cry about everything in this fandom is white?? I mean okay, they don’t know what I am, but not everyone is comfortable with sharing their private information like ethnic group, faith, etc. what if they really don’t want to share it? Because like you said, racial bias, whether good or bad will affect me. Now, I don’t know what white people are feeling, I’m not white. However, based on my interactions with them. We’re all just people sharing same interest, it could be they fall into racial biases, but all we shared about are just regular HCs. Even people making a conscious effort to combat racial bias still in essence fall for racial bias. You just cannot escape it.

According to this post, fandom assumes that the bottom is the proxy of writers, I don’t think this is applicable to everyone but let’s just say it’s true and people tend to write about their projection better so I’m gonna assume the racism part comes from the fact that..yeah I do think the bottom usually gets more fleshed out as a result of them being the writers proxy, so somebody posted this in the discord which I agree because yes I do think there’s a lack about yusuf’s background especially when it comes to crusade era:

but since I know most writers aren’t muslims, to me it’s not so much about racism but they simply know nothing about it, and not always out of ignorance either but in this climate, if you get a thing or two wrong you’d get harassed. so *shrugs* I understand the reluctancy. But here’s the thing, this is not about top/bottom issue but because most of the fandom are white so they have more freedom in writing the white character. Anyway, plenty of people have projected themselves into yusuf already, the whole “top/bottom” thing in this fandom is not even a thing. Yes, some writers project on the bottom so if you prefer bottom!joe that’s fine, somebody in the discord is doing a research and it turned out top!joe wasn’t even a CLEAR majority in JULY. So clearly they got their share already?

so please, let’s stop with the vitriol. if people are preferring top!joe it’s clearly because of different preferences. it’s not that deep. it’s the same way with how some people are preferring top!nicky. But we’re being driven out based on a hypothetical scenarios? like what do you want? for us to cease existing??? don’t be ridiculous.

I know people won’t listen to me. So this is my suggestion: LETS JUST IGNORE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE. LET’S ALL JUST AGREE TO DISAGREE.

#discourse #the old guard #joe x nicky #kaysanova #immortal husbands

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poisonfallen · 3 years ago

Note

Your take on cancel culture and stan culture?

Oh boy, oh boy, it's happening.

Alright, let's talk about toxic people on the internet. And keep in mind that my opinion goes beneath the mcyt community. I feel the same about the kpop community and any other community that is famous for having lots of toxic people.

Also, keep in mind that this is my opinion about these topics, I don’t intend to offend or misinform anybody. I might be wrong, and if I am wrong indeed, please help me correct any mistake that I’ve done.

Cancel culture

Before ranting about its toxicity, let's understand what it actually means and how it works.

What is cancel culture?

Well, according to Wikipedia, “cancel culture or call-out culture is a modern form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles – whether it be online, on social media, or in person” (source).

Basically, cancel culture is the process of ceasing offering support to a public figure after saying or doing something that is considered objectionable or offensive.

In theory, cancel culture is a good thing that helps the victims speak up and properly defend themselves, as well as preventing other people from doing the same mistakes. No harm done to innocent people, just a way of saying why a certain person or a certain company has done something that really hurt a category of people. Some even say that it’s an exercise of free speech.

However, while a culture that encourages calling out inappropriate behaviour is important, a culture that is quick to cancel and reluctant to forgive is something that divides the internet and starts wars in the trial of defending an opinion that is not shared by every single person on the internet, thus becoming the thing that its purpose is to defeat. (a vicious cycle of hatred)

So why is it toxic?

From my point of view, I don’t think that cancel culture is a toxic thing in theory. But the way people actually use it is what concerns (and bothers) me.

In its current form, anonymous and fuelled by negative emotions, cancel culture has the power to destroy a person’s career in a matter of minutes. There are no gray areas, just the white and black pack mentality: “I am right and you are wrong”.

The subject of the cancelation becomes “cancelled” for disagreeing with a certain opinion, and the cancelled one feels like the whole world is hating them. No one can argue that going through a cancellation, no matter how big or small it is, can severely affect one’s mental health and leave them scarred for life.

Cancel culture, at this point, is bullying someone famous without facing the consequences. We are already used to surf the web and stumble across someone’s cancelation over something that not even in our wildest dreams we would be able to imagine otherwise.

I think that all of us are familiar with a stupid cancelation, like canceling someone over a burger that somehow became the sole reason of obesity (see: Dream MrBeast burger). We can’t help but laugh at people trying to cancel someone for a stupid reason.

But, unfortunately, not all of our cancelations are stupid or laughable. There are people cancelled over their physical aspect or them not being political active, people cancelled over being friends with certain people or over saying something that is now considered to be slightly offensive a few years ago. The ones who are under the spotlight can’t make jokes or take decisions by themselves, they are supposed to be the marionettes of their fans.

(I do not intend to say that all cancelations are bad, but I’m trying to highlight how the majority of the most recent cancelations are out of place. If someone actually tries to actively harm your minority, your beliefs etc. you should call out that inappropriate behaviour, but without purposely harming that person as a means of payback)

There is also a toxic behaviour that I’ve noticed in a cancelation: the “I forgive you”/”I don’t forgive you” phrase used by people who have no right to do so. If you are part of the minority who has been hurt, then you have every right to forgive or not someone for saying or doing something hurtful towards your minority.

But if you are not a part of that minority, shut the f*** up. By speaking on behalf of a minority while you aren’t part of that minority you take away the right of actually addressing the issue from the people who are part of that minority. You can support them from the sides and let them express their pain with their own voice. They perfectly capable of addressing the issue, they need your support but not you taking the spotlight away from the actual problem.

What is my take on cancel culture?

I think that there are more civil ways of resolving an issue without actively trying to destroy someone’s career. Instead of cancelling that person, we could educate them (but not in that harmful way I’ve seen on twitter) on the subject and on why their words or actions are hurtful.

We should remember that we are all humans and that every human makes mistakes. Don’t forget that children learn by making mistakes. And while I’m well aware that we are not talking about children here, you should also be well aware that we are talking about actual humans with feelings.

Cancelation should be the last weapon we use, but only if that person refuses to give an apology and educate themselves on the subject.

Overall, don’t. Just don’t cancel people. Don’t attack people on the internet. Don’t try to harm people on the internet.

Some of you might disagree with my opinion and I’m open to criticism as long as you can help me educate more on the subject.

Now let’s move on to the other topic

Stan culture

Before I start talking about this one, I’d like to point out that stans actually scare me, a lot.

What is stan culture?

“Stan culture describes an online phenomenon in which communities of stalker fans, or stans, engage in overly enthusiastic support of a favorite celebrity online (called “stanning”), including at times vehement, coordinated attacks against detractors and critics” (source).

Basically stan = stalker + fan.

There are also people who say that the word stan comes from Eminem’s song “Stan” which tells the story of a crazed fan. I do recommend listening to the lyrics of this song if Eminem is not your cup of tea, it’s a good intake in what stan culture was at the beginning of 2000′s.

To be honest, I don’t have anything more to add at this section. Anything more I’d say would, in the end, be the same as what was already stated. (but you can see my opinion on it with more comments at the end)

It stan culture toxic?

You have to live under a rock if you had never seen a stan on twitter or tumblr. You usually recognize them by their profile pictures, the content they share, their posts and their ready to argue behaviour in case you insult or disagree with the ones they worship.

I’d like to point out that there is a fine line between a stan and a fan: stans know no length when it comes to defending their object of worship and often have really toxic ways of expressing their opinions, while a fan is there just to enjoy their favourite content without engaging in harmful discussion and hate speeches.

This topic is filled with controversy. In essence, stanning should be a means of showing support. The majority of them don’t even realize the toxicity they spread only after leaving the fandom.

The real problem here is the moment when they engage in conflicts without entertaining the thought that they might be wrong. Anything they do is right and their object of worship can say or do no mistake. This extends to the point of sending death threats and even doxxing.

For those who don’t know about doxxing, short for dropping dox: doxxing is an internet slang that means to publish personal information (of an individual) on the internet. You can find more about it here.

With no intend to disrespect or disregard one’s religious beliefs, you can say that stanning is like being part of a religion. The stans are the extremist people who practice that religion, while the fans are those who practice it from time to time (eg. like a Christian who goes to Church only on Christmas and Easter - me).

In the end, stan culture is toxic to both the stans and celebrities.

Is there a connection between stan culture and cancel culture?

They are both toxic internet cultures, this one is right for sure.

From what I’ve noticed during my short timed stay on twitter, a lot of cancelations are made by stans from the same community or different communities.

I’m part of mcyt community, so I’ve seen a lot of Dream fans and Dream antis fighting over the past months, trying to cancel each other and harm each other. It’s mental seeing people actively trying to do these kind of things just because they love or hate a certain person. Of course that we can’t tie the situation to a certain content creator.

I know that his also happens a lot in the kpop community where stans are in a constant fight to destroy the career of each other’s favourite idol group or bias (someone's most favorite member of an idol group).

What is my take on stan culture?

I feel like I need to repeat myself: stans scare the s*** out of me.

It’s like their sole purpose in life is to support someone and don’t have the basic sense of boundaries. A lot of problems arise with this: like shipping people who are uncomfortable being shipped with, intense sexualizing (sexualizing the minors is the worst from my point of view), creating drama and intentionally ignoring real world problems just to make their favourite person(s) trend, and the list is so long that I feel like I’d create a record on tumblr for the longest post if I go on.

We are talking about some weird adaptation of Lord of the Flies where children raise each other on the internet. It’s like a cult and they are brainwashed into believing what everybody else thinks. And the worst part is that I don’t think we’ll ever get better from this, things are only going south to heaven.

I might be wrong and biased, so I do expect someone to help me understand these topics better, but for now these are my firm opinions.

I’d also like to clarify, once again, that in the religion example I’m not making fun of Christianity, I’m just using it as a means to help people better understand my point.

#if you think doxxing and death threats are justified unfollow me #I'm sorry but I'm so fucking sick of internet at this point #or even better block me you fucking coward #I feel like I have lots of words misspelled but it is what it is #cancel culture #stan culture #mcyt #kpop #free speech #censorship #stanning #important #personal opinion #ask

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jinxvrse · 4 years ago

Text

SALT CIRCLES

— in which the jinx dorm has a little infestation problem

characters / the jinx ensemble, han seoyeon

words / 4.1k

warnings / none — if i missed any please let me know!

“My friend is coming over soon, she knows what to do.” Yue had finally put her phone down for perhaps the first time in the last thirty five minutes.

“How odd,” Blue commented, Yue pretended not to hear it.

“So before whoever that is comes over can we go over what exactly is happening again because I’m having some trouble really understanding this whole thing.” Jiyoon’s anger was visible in her voice, fists bunched with a face nearly a redder shade than her ginger hair.

Rosie just swallowed the heavy lump in her throat, mostly scared that that thing was going to appear over her head again and swipe her into whatever land it came from.

“Isn’t it simple? Roro summoned a demon and now our lives could possibly be endangered.” Miran’s smile told Rosie everything she needed to know about her thoughts on the situation, her happy-go-lucky tone was the bigger tell despite her grim words.

Miran was most certainly excited about the prospect of something supernatural going on in their dorm, no matter how dangerous the idea of it was. She was always a fanatic for this type of stuff so it was no surprise to Rosie or any of the others that she couldn’t care less about the ‘could possibly kill us all’ aspect of this.

“It's actually not that simple but I don’t know the acute details of what Rosie did.” Yue spoke up, her voice still as monotone as ever.

“Oh and how do you know so much about all this freaky stuff? In fact it was your ‘thing’ she was using to get it to come here in the first place.” Jiyoon was surely irritated but back talking to Yue was something many people were too afraid to do.

The other girls bit their cheeks upon the interaction, the atmosphere of the room proving far too tense for the five of them. They watched in anticipation for Yue’s next moves, wondering if she’d stay calm this time or match Jiyoon’s anger, maybe more.

“Don’t misplace your anger with me, Kim Jiyoon.” Yue’s voice never changed, although anyone could note the venom sitting behind her words. “Believe me, I know a lot more than you do and you should just trust me and my friend on this one.”

The room eased a little without the threat of a potential fight happening right there in their living room but the situation at hand was far too distracting for them to completely calm down. With Blue curled up in a corner, Rosie and Miran attached to each other by the hip and Yue and Jiyoon standing far from each other in different corners of their room a painfully long silence would be overtaking the group before the mystery friend would come and deal with the issue.

It would be another thirty five minutes before Yue’s friend buzzed into their apartment. Each girl was eager to see who this person was, sitting on the very edge of their seats to see who would walk through the door. However, it was their surprise when a woman roughly the same age as them appeared behind Yue and not some wizened old crone who knew years of ‘demonology’ there to fight the demon away.

“This is Han Seoyeon,” Yue nearly shoved the girl inside the apartment, “and she is going to solve all our problems.” The rest of them greeted her with awkward and unenthusiastic waves.

Seoyeon had bright red hair, almost redder than the t-shirt Rosie had on. Both her arms were decorated with tattoos, some in colour and some just linework, but she was illustrated like a high school desk with drawings of crystals and flowers. One tattoo stood out the most to Rosie, a detailed bright purple amethyst drawn on Seoyeon’s left arm, just looking at it calmed her down almost to a point where she worried no more about the imminent threat living under her bed.

“What does Seoyeon do?” Blue put on a smile for the girl, trying her best not to appear antsy for their house guest.

Seoyeon returned Blue’s smile with one of her own, her pearly white teeth grinning back at the girl. “Officially I’m a bartender at a place in Hongdae, unofficially I’m a witch.”

Jiyoon let out a pained laugh, clamping her hand to her mouth out of feigned politeness. “I’m sorry, you want me to believe that witches are real?”

“And you’ll believe a spirit’s living in your house? I’m used to skeptics but it’s especially funny coming from someone who appears to be haunted from the energy I’m feeling here.” Seoyeon’s smile never faltered, there was a specific confidence that she emanated and it definitely inspired Rosie in ways she never thought she could feel.

“What? Do you need to see it in action to believe it?” Seoyeon found a seat at one of the dining table chairs, taking it as though it were her throne with her legs crossed and a hand coming to lean against her chin.

“You, Jiyoon, are feeling anxious above all but you’re hiding it behind anger because what if this thing really does kill you and you can’t protect Yoonsung and Jiah, your little siblings, right?” A smirk painted her pretty face when she saw Jiyoon contort in confusion.

“H-How do you know their names?” Jiyoon could barely utter out her sentence, this was probably the first time any of them had seen her lost for words in years.

“I’m a psychic, not a powerful one but I can find out a few things about someone if I focus hard enough.” The redhead tapped at her forehead, signalling a third eye. Rosie might actually believe one would appear in a matter of seconds but her forehead remained eye-free.

Miran let out a light giggle at seeing Jiyoon so dumbstruck, immediately pulling herself together with a serious expression once she caught Jiyoon staring her down.

“Now will you let me do my job?” Seoyeon stood up again, her head held high and her eyes scanning the room around her.

The girls had no qualms about anything she had to say anymore, they had just about seen and heard everything they needed to believe they were in this predicament and there was no reason to not let her carry out her investigation. Despite this they were still seemingly surprised when they watched as Seoyeon started to do her thing.

Little tendrils of pink and green fluttered through Seoyeon’s fingers, the distinct smell of burnt sugar surrounding the girls and filling up the room. The feeling was light on her palms, like fire without the heat, ticklish against the smooth skin. She watched as the girls’ eyes followed the magic jumping from her fingerprints.

Her fingers ran through the walls of the dorm living room, tattoos and veins glowing the same bright pink and green colour, each line fading and reappearing with her heartbeat as she walked. It left Rosie in awe, she never thought magic could really be real, not until seeing everything she had witnessed in the last twenty four hours.

She glanced over to look at her other members, their faces not nearly as shocked as her own. She could get behind Miran not being entirely surprised, seeing as she was always a believer and lived in her own little land, but the other two were more grounded in real life than they were. Rosie remembered how skeptical Jiyoon was of her story when she told her earlier that night or how Blue laughed thinking it was a joke. Maybe Yue’s insistence finally made them believe her but would they have done so without the older girl’s slightly threatening presence?

“The good news is it’s not a malevolent spirit, just a tricky one.” All the girls sighed in relief upon hearing Seoyeon’s words.

“What’s the bad?” Blue questioned, hands massaging her temples like this was all some bad dream.

Seoyeon exhaled deeply, there’s no way things could possibly get worse for them, right? “It’s not leaving for a while, it’s screaming at me that it loves this place too much.”

“So we just have to deal with a literal demon living with us?” Jiyoon groaned, barely hiding her annoyance from the other girls.

Blue simply laughed, the exhaustion was getting to her. Anyone could see so with her dark circles and slouched stance, after all she had been up for so many hours doing this and that around the dorm in an attempt to fix the problem herself. Seeing how her laughter continued on creepily in the background maybe she was going hysterical with everything going on.

“There are ways to force the spirit back to wherever it came from but I am definitely not powerful enough to do that, many aren’t.” Seoyeon casts her eyes over to Yue, lazily staring at her for a second before diverting her gaze elsewhere.

“I am so going to have to move out.” Jiyoon mumbled, the disbelief settling behind her eyes.

“Well for the time being why don’t you just give ‘em a name, treat it like a nice lodger and it’ll leave eventually.” She seemed so nonchalant as she talked, like this was an everyday occurrence in Seoul or whatever witch land she came from.

“That’s all I can do for you but before I go I have to ask, how exactly did you bring this spirit here?”

Everyone’s eyes fell on Rosie, the stares causing her to recoil back into her seat on the sofa. Their stares spoke a thousand words to Rosie and it only made her feel more reluctant to actually say anything, she’d much rather run back to the safety of her bed and pretend this was one hell of a dream.

“I saw this one video on TikTok that said if you’re lonely summon this spirit to be your friend for a couple hours,” Rosie hung her head low as she spoke, avoiding the likely judgemental stares from her group mates. “It was stupid I know and I didn’t even believe it would work but...I had to try it.”

She raised her head slightly, catching a glimpse of Seoyeon with a hand to her chest, a warm smile on her face. She wasn’t outright stating it but Rosie could feel her sympathy radiating off of her like sunbeams, she’s glad Yue called her over because at least someone in that house would try to understand why she would do something like that.

“I found a bunch of witchy stuff in Yue’s room and got to work.” She shot a apologetic glance in the Chinese girl’s direction, “if you want the details, I was using this diamond necklace of mine as a pendulum to communicate with the spirit and I must’ve let it into the house as we talked because the diamond was swinging all on it’s own like crazy.”

Rosie recalled the memories of last night, she was the only one in the dorms, the other four all doing things that didn’t seem to involve her. It was the third time that week, she was just tired of being left out and the feeling of loneliness had been boiling in her blood for far too long.

Jiyoon already had a best friend and the last time they’d had a genuine conversation outside of the practice room must have been months ago. Yue and Miran had become awfully close in the last few months, often leaving the others out of their shared world, and Blue had been out doing god knows what with someone she was never going to text back. Heck, even her own brother was barely responding to her texts, probably off somewhere getting high and pretending she didn’t know about his problem.

There was no need to wiggle her way into places she wasn’t wanted so she decided she'd find someone else to talk to, despite how extreme the solution she came to must’ve seemed to others.

Even if the spell hadn’t worked, there would have always been that thought settling in the back of her mind hoping that it did so that maybe she wouldn’t have to deal with knowing the fact that no one wanted her. A fact that had become as clear as day when she watched each of her members frown in disappointment at what she’d done when they had finally come home to a teary-eyed Rosie, an oddly humanoid shadow standing behind her to confirm her story.

“Well who hasn’t accidentally summoned a spirit in their youth?” Rosie hadn’t realised a silence had formed since her last words until Seoyeon cleared her throat, the lopsided smile still on her face. “Next time I’d recommend you use salt circles, it’ll protect you a little better.”

Yue rubbed her eyes, chuckling softly at Seoyeon’s joke. She flashed a smile at her friend before retiring to her room, the rest of the girls could chat with her or show her out because, quite frankly, she was tired and just wanted to go to bed.

Closing the door behind her, Yue sighed at finally being alone, flopping onto her bed and closing her eyes. Images of Seoyeon’s magic raced through her mind, the sight of the pink and green was oddly addicting, pulling Yue up from the bed and staring into her hands in front of her.

Each vein began to run an icy blue, backlit behind her pale skin. Tiny translucent wisps prickled all around her body, congregating within her palms like an ice that burned through her veins, taking over her entire body in a wave of cold fire.

She winced upon the feeling, not because it hurt, it was more of a tension within her hands, made her eyes itch, that was all. No, the problem was that she liked it, all of it, the feeling of power in her hands, like she could do anything. She could do anything but that’s what got her here in the first place, running to Seoyeon for help because she wanted to hide all of it.

Even though she promised herself she wouldn’t practice anymore, she was always a little bit curious as to how much magic she could gather all on her own. Yue was admittedly a little rusty, mostly due to the blockage that had built up within herself from the years she had abstained from all of this. It took her several minutes to get the candles to burst aflame but it made her feel...something, something that excited her just a little bit too much.

She stared into the flame of the candle closest to her, it flickered violently with just her gaze, the red wax dripping fast into the plate it stood on.

The minute she heard the click of her bedroom door opening she turned around, the candles had blown out immediately with the whip of her head. Darkness cloaked the room again leaving Yue and her visitor alone with just the sliver of light from the window to illuminate them.

She identified the other as Seoyeon from the shine of her red hair, “Don’t scare me like that.”

“Smells like pine in here.” The witch simply chuckled, crossing her arms and leaning the door closed with her back. Yue’s grateful it was her, god knows what she would’ve done if any of her group members had come in instead. Seoyeon’s intuition probably caught her practicing through the walls, she’s smart enough to see through them after all, her eye was always working overtime when they were kids.

“You know you could’ve done that in seconds, no need to call me over here in the middle of the night.” Yue rolled her eyes, it was just like Seoyeon to bring that up. It had been a long time since they’d interacted like this and she was still doubtful as ever to her own power.

“You know why I don’t do that anymore.” Yue responded through gritted teeth, “and besides, you did do that in seconds, you’ve grown a lot since I last saw you.”

“Seokyung’s better than me, but you were always the best out of all of us.” Seoyeon walked over to Miran’s bed, sat right at the edge facing Yue. “It’s clear Jiyoon wants the spirit out, Blue too.” She chuckled, “I don’t think the other two really want that though.”

There was a beat of silence following Seoyeon’s words, neither of them really wanting to address the rather big elephant in the room at that very moment.

“You could help them, Yue, you know that.” Seoyeon spoke in Mandarin, her accent still the same as when they were kids, hearing it warmed her heart.

Yue didn’t respond, her lips pressed into a thin line and her eyes boring into the witch’s. If she wasn’t going to say anything then Seoyeon was simply going to have to press harder.

“Listen, I know what happened was bad but you can relieve your group mates of the thing that’s stressing them out, not me, not anyone else, you.” The smell of burnt sugar began to fall into the room once again, combating the fresh pine of Yue’s magic. “There’s a full moon in two days, you gotta do what you do best!”

Seoyeon knows she can’t force Yue into doing anything, being her friend for over a decade told her that, but she can at least get her to try. Maybe if she could get Yue to open herself up to her own abilities, they could repair what was left of their fragmented friendship.

Yue’s eyes never left Seoyeon, she wanted to believe her, she really did. However, all she could remember was the flames, the haunting memory of the heat coming into dangerously close contact with her as they spread. The thick, black smoke circling the house, the deafening cries of her friend, the silent tears that fell as she watched it all burn.

“Stop, Seoyeon. I just can’t! Is that not enough for you?” Yue cried out, her voice just a decibel below a scream anyone could’ve heard.

Seoyeon knows she’s struck a chord in Yue, hanging her head low. She remembers the fire too. She remembers her heart dropping to her stomach when she saw Yue standing outside in shock, the sickening feeling of relief when she caught her father dragging her mother and sister out of the pile of ash that she called her home.

They tried to move past it, all those years they’d spent with each other far away from Luoyang. Seoyeon knows she’s moved on but maybe Yue hadn’t, that’s why she refused to even talk about what happened since they had left, why Seoyeon could feel that the other hadn’t practiced in so long.

It made her mad, if she could get over losing her home, her family, over something she didn’t even do then Yue could at least try and fix her own problems without running to her and then throwing it back in her face. She threw a hand to the amethyst on her arm, pressing over the tattoo lightly to calm herself, however, it was no use as the anger seething through her caused her to speak without thinking.

“And you call yourself a witch.” She muttered under her breath.

“I don’t!” The flames lit up again, burning dangerously high above their wicks, “Now shut up or get the fuck out of my house.”

Seoyeon waved off the younger girl’s anger, calming down the candles with the flick of her hand. She walked over to the bedroom door but before she would leave she turned to face Yue again, her bright red hair shining around her like a halo.

“You can’t fool me Yue, I’m a damn psychic.” Was all she said before leaving the room, leaving the door irritatingly ajar.

The dancer heard Seoyeon’s goodbyes to the girls through the door, a guttural sigh leaving her mouth when she heard the front done close. She got up from her seat on her bed, feeling all her bones crack upon the stretch, but as she walked towards the door she caught something upon the handle.

Staring back at her was a burned in sigil carved in the wood, each line a very familiar mark that had been seared into her brain from the moment she could see. It was for protection, something to ensure nothing bad could enter the room, Seoyeon must have etched it there on purpose.

“Typical.” She muttered, eyes trained to the mark on the door. She hadn’t seen or made one of those in years, all in hopes that her supernatural past wouldn’t follow her into her new life. Yue supposed she should thank Seoyeon for thinking about her even when she was yelling at her to leave.

“Hey, are you okay? You seemed off earlier.” Yue’s eyes broke contact with the door upon Miran’s sudden entrance, a small smile painted on the girl’s face.

She cleared her throat, grumbling a bit in an attempt to clear her mind of the negative energy surrounding it. She walks back to her bed and pats at the spot beside her, inviting Miran to join her on the blanket.

“I’m okay, just stressed. Y’know, idol shit.” Her laugh is uneasy but Miran’s presence is hardly threatening to her.

Miran frowned, clearly unhappy with the answer as she shuffled closer to her roommate, head resting on the older girl’s shoulder.

Yue noticed how quick she often was to figure out something’s wrong. Maybe it was because they had become inseparable in the last few months that Miran was always able to sniff out sad feelings, or maybe she was an empath that had snuck her way into her life on purpose. Yue goes back and forth on her theories when it comes to this stuff but there’s one thing she knows for sure and it’s that Miran would always be there.

“Just bad memories resurfacing is all, nothing to worry about.” She threw a smile Miran’s way and rested her head against the pillow, the other girl joining and curling up to her in a tiny ball on the bed.

“You can talk to me you know, I might not be able to solve all of it but I can help you speak through it and that might help.” Miran looked up at Yue, eyes wide and full of sincerity.

She knows Miran only wants what’s best for her, she’d never have offered if she didn’t. Still, there’s a stain on her heart that stops her from being fully honest with her, there were far too many things Yue hadn’t fully accepted for her to even begin to think about telling anybody else about them.

“Is this about Seoyeon and the demon? Is there something I should know? I won’t judge you if there is, it’s just that there’s obviously something happening and you seem to have way more answers then you’re letting on to and I’d hate for this to get between us as a group.”

Miran would not stop talking, her words were barely permeating through Yue’s brain as she gazed off into the distance behind her. She’s sure she’s seeing things when she spots the shadowed form on Seokyung on Miran’s bed, just to be sure she blinked and shook her head but when she opened her eyes again she’s still there, staring back at her.

Yue tried to shake off the visions, pinning it to her sleep deprivation but the sight of her former friend haunts her, leaving a sick taste in her mouth. She tried listening to Miran to distract her but it was no use as the image of Seokyung began to burn, flames lighting up the bedroom, flickering around her skin and burning away her features.

“Just shut up, Miran!” Her eyes widened once she had been brought back to reality, the flames withering away as she realised what she had just said to the younger girl.

Miran stayed silent, swallowing the lump forming in her throat and pushing back the slowly growing feelings of regret. The sight of her looking so hurt made Yue want to crawl into a corner and die, like she’d just wounded a puppy.

“Shit, Miran I’m sorry, I just need a moment alone.” She didn’t want to hurt her best friend anymore but just looking at her made her insides freeze up, “please?”

She didn’t say anything, instead removing her arms from Yue and walking out of the room. Once she heard the door click shut Yue slapped her face into her hands, trying her best to erase every bad memory from the last twenty four hours. Seokyung’s appearance had to be the spirit playing it’s tricks on her, what else could it have been?

Fuck, this demon was going to be way harder to live with then she thought it would be.

#bobakocnet #aeskocnet #jinx :: dev #fake kpop group #fake kpop idol #kpop idol oc #kpop oc

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the-blind-assassin-12 · 4 years ago

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See You in New York (part four)

A/N: WOAH ARE WE ALL CURRENTLY IN THE SAME HALLUCINATION OR DID I ACTUALLY UPDATE THIS STORY?! The first might seem more feasible, actually, but strangely enough its the latter. I’m sorry this story went on such a long hiatus and I am very happy to have it back on track...sort of...Anyway. In case you forgot because it’s been eleventy five years, you and Logan are on the ferry on your way to show him the sights from Liberty Island. Oh, yeah...and you have some news to share with him before that part of your day is up. How will he take it?

Word Count: 5,710

*parts 1-3 and the intro to this series Services No Longer Required are available on my masterlist under the Logan Delos tab*

Slow down, Delos. A few months ago, the warning would have come from you, reminding him not to get too drunk or too handsy, not to cause a scene. He would have rolled his eyes and groaned, displaying his distaste for censoring his behavior. But for once in his life, the warning came from himself. For once, Logan refrained from flinging himself headlong into the abyss of whatever new vice had taken hold, tried instead to take his time. For once, Logan resolved to take one step at a time, to be in every moment instead of skipping several steps ahead of himself. It’s worth it, she’s… He turned towards you. She’s different. I’m different because of her. With your hand on his thigh and your shoulder leaning into his, you anchored him in that resolve. He pushed away thoughts of pushing you up against the railing of the ferry and kissing you so indecently that even New Yorkers would stare. There’ll be time for that later, he told himself as you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear before smiling up at him. Plenty of time.

As the ferry cut through the gray blue water of the Hudson leaving white caps in its wake, you promised him the most amazing view of the city skyline. “It’s a good day for this, Logan. The sky is clear, so you’ll be able to see everything.”

He smiled, nodding. But even if the sky was full of clouds, even if rain fell in sheets to force the two of you to take cover, even if the wind whipped the water into choppy waves, it would still be a good day for him because he was spending it with you. The sun reflecting off the rippling surface made the whole river seem to sparkle and shine. It made the chipped paint and weathered, dated appearance of the ferry feel fresh and new, and Logan couldn’t help but compare himself to the old boat. I bet it’s seen some rocky waters, too. He shifted his eyes to the side, looking down at you from behind his sunglasses as his thumb moved slowly over the skin of your far shoulder. No more rocky waves for me.

There was still a lot about him and his past that you didn’t know, but the things that he had shared with you hadn’t scared you off, and he had no intention of repeating old mistakes or falling back into bad habits. He knew his limitations and he knew how to keep himself in check. In truth, Logan had been doing just fine before he met you. Finding stability on his own and regaining the control he’d lost over his company had defied nearly everyone’s expectations of him, and while when he was younger he found the lack of confidence from others to be discouraging, he almost welcomed the chance to prove people wrong now. He didn’t need anyone to quantify his happiness or to keep him in line. Getting this chance to have you in his life would simply give him the opportunity to share that happiness with someone else, someone who did believe in him, who saw him and didn’t flinch at the truth.

But that doesn’t mean I have to rush it. This is… He inhaled a deep breath through his nose as he felt you give a light squeeze on his thigh, calling his attention to the way that the sunlight was hitting the glass panes that made up the flame at the top of Lady Liberty’s torch. He glanced up at where you were pointing, the golden yellow beams refracting to make it look like real fire. But he was quickly drawn back down to you, to the way that that same light was igniting your eyes. To him it was just as stunning as the glass. Letting out the breath he’d held in his chest, he continued stroking his fingertips absently down over your bicep, slipping his pinky beneath the strap of your dress. We have time.

When Logan first realized that he had developed feelings for you, he tried to push them away. He was in the middle of recovering his public image from scandalous, albeit false, accusations regarding his behavior with female employees and coworkers, and so he knew that starting something with the very woman who had been brought in to clean up that mess was that last thing that he should be doing. For weeks he ignored the fact that every time you passed his office and flashed a smile or a polite wave, it made his pulse quicken. He shook off the fact that your laugh as the two of you ate lunch together was becoming one of his favorite sounds, even as he’d find himself storing up things to say to you in hopes that he’d get to hear it. He overlooked all of the signs that he was falling for the one person who was supposed to be off limits. And it didn’t work. Grinning to himself, he recalled the way it felt to bet high and go all in with you at the end of your contract, taking a chance and asking you to take one on him. Best way I’ve ever closed out a contract.

But even though things had ended almost exactly as he’d wanted them to, he’d felt rushed for time. He’d known that he had exactly one chance to show you that he was interested, and needing to wait for that one chance until the very last day of your contract had only made it feel more desperate and dire. But now there’s no expiration date, no last day. He felt a warmth in his chest that had nothing to do with the sunlight or the statue’s torch and everything to do with your hand on his leg and the chance you’d given him. Now we can...it can be normal. I can take my time.

Having to wait the two weeks between dropping you off at LAX and seeing you again at LGA had been tough. Logan was used to instant gratification. When there was something he wanted or needed he didn’t wait, he found a way to have it now. In some aspects of his life it had served him well. In business, it made him a harsh negotiator, and in his personal life it gave him a sense of accomplishment to be able to provide for himself at such a high level. It also meant that he dove head first into pools he would have noticed were too shallow had he only been more careful. It was, he knew, a trait that made him more prone than others to fall victim to addiction, and it was something he worked to balance within himself daily. Normally, a two week delay between the moment that he knew he wanted you and the moment that he actually got to have you would have been a deal breaker. Even if he’d looked past the waiting, the fact that this was about as long distance a relationship as two Americans could possibly have would have doomed it from the get go. Different time zones? All those miles? So many closer, more convenient options? Normally, none of this would have made any sense to him.

But with you, it simply did. Everything with you had been different from the very start. You’d taken the time to get to know him, the real him, not the Logan Delos in the papers, not the one in the boardroom or the ballroom or the bedroom. Him. You knew useless things about him, like which condiments he used on what food items, or that he only used yellow highlighters on paperwork. But you also noticed little details that pointed to parts of him that he wasn’t used to sharing. Like how you could tell from how he undid the top two buttons of his shirt whether or not he was stressed or just trying to get comfortable. If it was the former, he’d slowly trail his pointer finger horizontally under his chin. There wasn’t a scar there because the blade had just barely broken the skin, but when he was stuck on something or upset with an outcome, it was as though he could still feel the cold steel of the knife William had threatened him with in the desert. You’d only seen him do it once or twice when you’d made the correlation between the negligible motion and what he was thinking and feeling, and it took him completely by surprise. No one would notice that. Juliet doesn’t even know that, and she knows everything.

You didn’t even know the whole story of what had happened on that trip to the park, but you picked up on one of the residual phantoms from it that Logan still carried. I’ll tell her. I’ll… she needs to know. All of it. The ferry began to turn towards the slips at the end of the dock on Liberty Island, and you pulled away from him to sit up straight, gathering your bag and making sure you had all of your belongings. But not… it doesn’t have to be all at once. He let his hand slide down your arm before unwinding it from around your shoulders, bringing it up to comb through his hair. It’s not a rush. I can...we can take things slow. You turned back to him then as you slung your bag over your shoulder, and he had to hold back a throaty groan at the way your lips pressed together before spreading into a grin, cheeks disappearing under the lenses of your glasses. Damn. He was thrilled to be out with you, carefree and relaxed. But I can’t wait to get her back to that hotel room tonight.

“What’s that look for, Delos?” You let your smile curve up one side of your face until it was a smirk.

Oh you know exactly what it’s for. Logan pulled his sunglasses off and folded the arms to hang them from the neckline of his tee. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, buzzkill.” He shrugged, trying and failing to keep from giving himself away, laughing as you playfully smacked his arm.

The boat lurched as the captain maneuvered it further to completely dock, and Logan took advantage of the shift and the way it drew your attention elsewhere to wrap his arms around you again, crushing you close and swallowing your laughter with a kiss. Sucking your bottom lip between his teeth, he bit down with gentle pressure as your fingers curled in the material of his shirt. You hummed as he pulled away, and the sound was almost enough to launch him into another, more involved kiss. Slow down, damnit. He brought one hand up to your ear, eyes focused on the earring you wore and the way his sudden attack had caused it to flip around.

“What are you-” you sucked in a breath as he used his thumb and pointer finger to fix the earring, your eyes falling closed as his touch ran down the side of your neck.

“There.” He smiled as you blinked up at him, enjoying knowing that he’d just put that look on your face, and that there wasn’t any other face he wanted to see that look on but yours. Damn. Standing, he reached for your hand and pulled you to your feet as well, deciding that if he didn’t get up that second, he wasn’t sure if he could justify moving from that bench on that ferry with you. “C’mon, you promised me some views.”

You laced your fingers tightly through his and squeezed. “And I always deliver on my promises.” You paused long enough to wink and he was sure you heard the groan in the back of his throat as he wondered what other types of promises you’d make to him. “Let’s go.” Good idea.

Logan let you lead the way off of the ferry and onto the island, following a crowd of tourists towards the base of the enormous green statue. Shit, it’s a lot bigger in person than you think it is… He felt his eyes widen in genuine appreciation for the massive structure in front of him. People built that. He gave a minute shake of his head, staring at one large sandaled foot where it stood planted on the multi-storied pedestal you were leading him towards.

“Speechless already, Logan?” You tugged on the hand that you held and he tore his amazed expression away from the statue and looked down at you. “Wait until you see it from the top.” With that, you changed direction and started leading him towards a different entrance.

“Where are we-” He looked back over his shoulder at the line forming in front of the main entrance.

“That’s the general admission entrance,” you explained, a hint of mischief coloring your voice that excited him. “But I pulled some strings and called in a favor I had with a friend of mine who...well really he’s a friend of Cynthia’s, but,” you sighed through a smile, reaching up to remove your sunglasses as you stepped into the shade. “Long story short? We’re not waiting in any lines.”

You shoved your sunglasses into your purse and dug around for your phone, pulling it out and scrolling through your email to find the digital passes you’d been sent that would get you inside and up to the top without having to share the experience with dozens of strangers. You showed it to the guard at the door you’d lead Logan to, and he nodded, saying something into the walkie he had clipped to his shoulder as he opened the door for the two of you. “Wait right inside, Byron will be right down, he knows you’re coming. You two enjoy your visit,” he said as you both stepped inside.

You both thanked the man as he pulled the door shut again, and Logan’s surprise only grew as he turned to you. “I thought you said you were showin’ me the real New York.” He cocked his head in the direction of the long lines out front. “Doesn’t that mean-”

“No,” you cut him off holding up one finger and waving it before you pressed it to the middle of his chest to pull a chuckle from him. “First of all, real New Yorkers don’t come here because it’s always full of field trips and family vacations and there are plenty of other places in the city to take pictures. But,” you pulled the finger away from his chest and waved it once more. “If we have to partake in the touristy side of the city, we do it in style. I’m doing this for you here, Delos, not, oh!”

“I know.” He’d pulled you quickly to his side then, lips landing near your temple. I know you are, and I… no one’s ever done anything like this for me before. “Thank you.”

“Logan, you’re…” your voice came out as a strained whisper before you cleared your throat. “You’re welcome.”

The elevator at the end of the small hallway dinged as the doors slid open before he could say anything else, a man in a uniform similar to the one the guard was wearing emerging from the car. He gave you a bright smile and greeted you by name. You introduced the man to Logan, explaining that you’d met him a handful of times through Cynthia, who had known Byron since their college days.

“Thanks again for doing this for us, Byron, I really do appreciate it.” You followed the man as he headed back towards the elevator he’d come from.

He laughed. “Of course, it’s not every day a woman like Cynthia comes calling for a favor, and once I heard that it was for you, darling?” Byron flashed a large, good-natured grin. “I was happy to do it.”

“What exactly is goin’ on?” Logan couldn’t help but ask the question as he stepped into the elevator with you and Byron. I thought I knew what today was gonna be like but… this… He glanced over at you to catch your smile widening.

“She didn’t tell you?” Byron’s eyebrows flew up on his forehead as he pointed to you, and Logan shook his head no. The other man laughed, the sound hearty and genuine. “Oh then you’re in for a surprise, Mr. Delos.”

Logan was about to press the issue further when you spoke. “Just hang in there a few more seconds, Logan. You said you trusted me to surprise you, right?” I sure do. He nodded, and without missing a beat you reached up to fix a strand of hair that had fallen over his eyes. “Okay, so trust me.”

He heard Byron’s muffled laugh as the man tried to cover it up with his hand but his eyes were focused on you. Damn. The way she… “Okay,” he nodded.

“Okay,” Bryon pointed to the lights above the door, the top floor lighting up just as a soft ding sounded. “Here we are. I’ll be just outside here, you’ve got about twenty minutes between tours so,” the elevator door opened to show a small vestibule area, and a set of doors with a small sign over the top that read just one word: crown. “Enjoy.”

You thanked him again and pulled Logan towards the door, but he paused, pointing up to the sign, one side of his smile pulling his cheek further up his face than the other. “The crown? That mean we’re-”

“No one gets to come up here alone, Logan.” You grinned, your smile changing your voice to make it lighter. “Well, no one but us.”

Us. The small word sent a big rush through him and he inhaled through his nose as he let you pull him the rest of the way through the doors and into the observation deck of the crown level. He was overwhelmed by the combination of big things and small gestures, special moments and mundane ones all mixed together. And it’s not even...it’s just noon and we’re…

But his thoughts were completely scattered as he took in the sight before him, mouth dropping open and a breath slipping out. Damn. The inside of the Statue of Liberty’s crown was far less glamorous than the outside, exposed steel beams and grated flooring making the small room feel more like a construction zone than a monument, but it was the arched window panes and the light coming through them that caught and held Logan’s attention. Beyond the glass he could see the river the two of you had just crossed, glittering between the island and the city, and he felt himself drawn towards the view, glancing back once at you before stepping up to the windows. “This is…” He leaned his hand against a beam and looked out.

“Yeah,” you stepped up next to him, ducking under the arm he had propped against the beam, looking out the window and leaning into him slightly. With a sigh you continued. “It’s pretty beautiful, isn’t it?” Something in the sigh made him snap his attention down to you, but you’d already moved on to the next set of windows before he could bring it up. What was that? “I’m gonna,” you waved your phone and rolled your eyes. “I’m gonna play tourist and take some pictures. You should look out over there,” you pointed to a particular window. “The view facing that direction is-”

“Alright,” he decided to let it go, figuring that you’d tell him if anything was wrong. What could be wrong, anyway? We’re… this is… she’s amazing.

He watched you turn back towards the window you’d been walking to, eyes drawn to the way that the skirt of your dress twirled around your knees, and it was difficult to peel them off of you and train his vision back on the skyline and the reason that you’d brought him here. She’s the real reason, though. He felt another warm rush pulse through his chest as he let himself get lost in the view and the woman who had lead him to it.

After a few minutes had passed, Logan straightened up and took a step back from the window. He turned towards where you stood, still gazing out on the far side of the curved platform. The view that had just stolen his breath, of the sun reflecting in diamonds off of the river and the shrunken city on the other side, had been one of the most impressive things he’d ever seen. And that’s saying a lot. Logan had had no shortage of unique, once in a lifetime experiences- things most people, including you, could only dream of. But this is different. This wasn’t new or cutting edge or high tech. Yet it was something that he hadn’t even thought to dream of- precisely because of what it wasn’t. He could only see half of your face as you continued to soak up your city from above, but he could tell that you were smiling from the slight rise of your cheek. I never would have done this if it weren’t for her. “Hey,” he added your name, loving the way it rolled off his tongue, and you turned, sunlight streaming in from behind you.

“Hi,” you answered, darkening the screen on your phone and stepping over to where Logan stood.

“You get some good pictures?” He pointed to the phone you held, but his eyes hadn’t left your face. You nodded. “Good. C’mere.” He reached for you and took the phone from your hand, explaining himself before you had a chance to ask what he was doing. “Need one more.” At that he brought up the camera app and held the phone out in front of the two of you, pulling you close enough to kiss but refraining and snapping the picture in the seconds before his lips met yours. That’s gonna be a good one. He hadn’t checked it but he didn’t need to, and he slipped your phone into your purse where it hung from your shoulder without even breaking the kiss. When he finally did pull away, you hummed and placed both hands on his chest to steady yourself. “Ya know,” he leaned in to run the tip of his nose over yours before pressing his lips against your cheek. “I think I’m really startin’ to like New York.”

.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

Shit. You stiffened in his arms and you knew that he felt it, even if he continued to let his hands roam over your waist and shoulder, and his lips claimed every inch of skin between your mouth and your ear. You sucked in a breath as he walked you back slowly until your back touched the cool glass of one of the window panes. The sensation of the glass and his hands on your body was almost too much, but you couldn’t let it eclipse what he’d just said. Or what I have to tell him.

“Oh?” You managed the one word question between kisses, letting your hands travel up over the plane of his chest to his shoulders. He responded by humming an Mmhmm against your skin, making you shudder. “And…” your breath hitched as you clutched his shirt. “And what makes you say that?”

“The company,” he answered, moving one hand from the small of your back to the front of your body, letting it climb up the side of your ribcage. “I can see myself comin’ back to visit,” he nipped at the earring he’d fixed earlier before speaking around it. “Often.”

Shit.

Before you could say anything else, he surprised you by continuing to alternate between speaking and dragging his teeth over your skin. “I like that I get to come see you.”

“Logan…” You knew you couldn’t let the moment go on without telling him about your move, but you weren’t sure that he heard you. You could barely hear yourself from the way that he was leaving you breathless.

“Leavin’s gonna fuckin’ suck,” he pressed his nose into your hair and inhaled before changing positions to give the same attention to the other side of your neck and your other ear. “But,” he ran his teeth over the outer shell of your ear and you hissed. “It’ll mean I have somethin’ to look forward to, comin’ back here. And it means I’ll have to be patient. And you know what that means-”

It was time to earn your nickname.

“Logan, I...I have to tell you something.” You groaned as his thumb found the triangle of exposed skin at the top of your abdomen, his lips roaming the slope of your shoulder before he took the strap of your dress between his teeth. But if you keep doing that I…

“Yeah?” He released the fabric from his mouth and the hand he had on your hip came up to the base of your skull, the thumb of his other hand still pressing lightly into your flesh. Your grip on his shirt tightened as he walked you back another step. “Go ahead’n tell me then.” You could feel him smiling as he said it, lips pressing to the top of your shoulder again as you felt the cool glass behind you.

Closing your eyes, you tried to quiet the thundering beats of your heart but they only seemed to echo in the empty observation deck. But between his touch and the diminishing space between your body and his you could feel yourself losing that battle, and it was only a matter of time before his chest was pressed to yours, only a matter of time until he could feel it for himself. You let out a sigh as your head tilted to the left, and you felt yourself give up. Can’t… not when he’s…

“Thought you hadta tell me somethin’.” His beard brushed your cheek as his warm breath tickled your ear. “ What is it?”

“You’re not-” Your words were cut short as he leaned his hips forward, pinning you in place. Shit.

“M’not what?” He kissed the skin behind your ear and for a moment you thought about abandoning the confession entirely. But I have to… He needs to know and…

“You’re not gonna like it, Logan.” Your voice was thin, barely a whisper as you opened your eyes.

He pulled away then but didn't take his hands from you, palms relaxing but maintaining contact. “Hey,” his dark eyes found yours and locked on, softening. “What is it? You’re...worryin’ me a little here.”

“I’m sorry, I,” you shook your head and let out a breath. “I don’t… you don’t have to worry, I just… Look.” You sighed and brought both of your hands up to your head, combing your nails back over your scalp as Logan dropped his hands from your body. “I know why you like this… why you like New York, and why you like that I live here and not…”

He spoke your name and tilted his head. “What are you...what do you-”

“I know you, Logan.” I do. “I know that you like the distance because it means we can’t… that you can’t rush into something, or that we won’t burn out and spend too much time together too soon or-”

“Kinda blew that one before he had a shot though, didn’t we? Spent every day together for six months.” He brought one hand up to your face to tilt it back up to his, and you saw questions swimming in his eyes. “So what is it?”

“Logan, I’m…” Just say it for fuck’s sake. “Remember when I told you that Cynthia had me on a new project?”

“Yeah, of course.” His eyebrows came together as creases formed in his forehead and small crinkles gathered in the corners of his eyes. “But…”

“She promoted me, Logan. She wants me to run a new office and I’ll have to relocate.” Why are you drawing this out? Just say it.

“Oh,” He let his expression relax. “That’s... that’s great! Congratulations! Don’t...I can still...it doesn’t have to be New York, you know. I’ll come see you anywhere.” He narrowed his eyes and let a small smile seep into them. “I have a ton of miles, I can use ‘em whenever.” I’m sure you do. “So,” he leaned in and kissed you quickly. “Where are you off to? Miami? Is Cyn finally goin’ International?” His expression changed to one of excitement. “London?”

“Los Angeles.” You answered, closing your eyes and feeling his hands drop from your body again. Yeah, that’s what I… “She needs me to run the West Coast office, Logan, she…”

“L.A.? You’re…” his eyes widened. “You’re movin’ to California?” You nodded, eyes still closed as he took a step back. “When?”

Blowing out a breath you opened your eyes to see him staring at you. “Soon. Next month. But it doesn’t have to-” It doesn’t have to change anything.

“You didn’t wanna tell me?” His expression was a mixture of serious and confused, and you wanted desperately to make him understand everything.

“What? No, of course I wanted to tell you, I just… I know that…” Your heart pounded in your chest. This isn’t… I ruined it. The day, the trip, all of it, it’s-

“You thought I...wouldn’t want to hear it?” He shifted his weight and leaned his shoulder into the steel beam to your left. “Thought I’d get…”

“I thought you’d think it was too soon for me to… even though it isn’t- I’m moving because of my job, not because of…” you gestured at the space between your bodies. “Not because of this, I...this is still...we just...I wouldn’t try to rush anything like that, Logan, it’s just...bad timing.”

“Bad timing?” He blew out a small breath that was almost a laugh, and then he shocked you further by stepping close again, both hands finding their way back to your waist. “You think it’s bad timing that the woman of my damn dreams is movin’ to my city, and I only have’ta wait a month?” He searched your eyes with his as a smile curved his lips.

What?

You were sure that Logan would have reacted differently, and you wanted to make sure that he wasn’t holding anything back. Even though I know he always… “You’re not...worried? That it’s…”

He leaned in then to quiet you with a brief kiss, his fingers squeezing into your waist as your hands came back to his shoulders. “No.” He kissed you again. “I’m not worried, ‘cause I know you’re not gonna… I know you’re not movin’ because you’re tryin’ to…” he laughed then and brought his left hand up to wiggle his empty ring finger. “Look. I get it. It’s a business move, out of your control. I did like the fact that you bein’ here meant that I’d have to… take things slower than normal but... “ He gave a small shake of his head. “I don’t see why we can’t…”

“Logan,” you nodded enthusiastically. “We can. We can take it as slow as...we don’t have to spend every day together just because…”

He laughed again and pressed another kiss to your lips. “No, we don’t, that’s right, killjoy.” You rolled your eyes, his lips still against yours so that you could feel his breath on your face. Damn, this wasn’t what I expected but… you laughed. But none of this was expected. “Plus, you’re gonna have your plate full, runnin’ a brand new office. I bet you won’t even have time for me for weeks.”

“See? You won’t have to see me any more than if I was still living he- oh! Logan!”

He pulled you into him then, winding his arms around you to speak into your ear. “You think I’ll get sick of seein’ you?” He didn’t wait for you to respond before he answered his own question. “Not gonna happen.”

Relief flooded your system then as he tightened his hold on you just to let it go. That’s one half of the news down. Now I just have to tell him who my new client is. You knew that part was easier said than done, and though he’d reacted far more favorably than you could have imagined to the news of your move, that luck simply wouldn’t extend to his feelings towards learning that you were to become very involved with his sister’s ex-husband. But… later. That’s I’ll tell him later, not...it’s too much all at once. I’ll…

As though he hadn’t just confessed to being...excited? Happy? About your impending move and what it meant for your brand new relationship, as though he hadn’t put your mind and heart at ease all at once, he blinked twice and smiled. “You hungry? Think I saw a sign for a cafe downstairs? They had pizza and-”

Despite the way that your emotions had just gone on a wild ride, you had to laugh. “No way I’m letting your first experience with New York pizza be from a glorified, overpriced snack bar, Logan. You deserve far better than that.” You rose on your toes to kiss the tip of his nose and you traced your fingertips over the line of his beard where it met his cheek. “C’mon,” you grabbed for his hand just as Byron poked his head back inside to let you know that your time in the crown was up. “There’s a hot dog cart down on the island. That’s how real New Yorkers do lunch.”

He chuckled and let you pull him back towards the elevator where Byron was waiting to see you both out. “Sounds delicious, Ms. West Coast Office,” he whispered into your ear and you thought you heard a sense of pride as he teased you with your new title. “After you.”

Standing in line at a hot, metal cart, waiting for a vendor to pass you a hotdog with Logan Delos, you couldn’t help but wonder…

Could it really be this easy?

Thank you for reading! If you would like to be added to or removed from the tags please feel free to let me know!

General Tags: @something-tofightfor @suchatinyinfinity @malionnes @thesumofmychoices @gollyderek @pheedraws @beautifuldesastre @alraedesigns @dearmarii @fific7 @traeumerinwitzhelden @obscurilicious @luminex3 @bisexual-space-slut @vetseras

Logan Delos Tags: @valkblue @belladonnarey @ymariejp @drinix @jigsawlover10 @getlostinyourparadise @nananananananananananabatman @qhostboyyy @ofgeneticperfection @delosdoll @blackbirddaredevil23

#see you in new york #SYiNY #see you in new york part four #logan delos #logan delos x reader #logan delos x you #logan delos westworld #logan delos fanfiction #FINALLY !#this has been eleventy five years in the making #but i needed to post this part before thanksgiving #you'll see #anywho new york logan is a hoot enjoy him

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aboutlouishofmann · 4 years ago

Text

White Lies Magazine Interview with Louis Hofmann

How long are you in England for? I'm currently staying for six weeks, but I've already been here for five and a half so I'm only here for a couple more days before heading back to Germany for rehearsals for my next film.

Really, or did they kick you out because of Brexit ?

No they didn't (laughs) - and luckily there are no real changes until December so I can get in and out without a problem. I'm not exactly sure what will change for Germans anyway, if there are new regulations or if it will be the same in terms of travelling. It's gonna be really crappy for basically everyone leaving the UK - if you consider that someone who has a band for example and plays a tour around Europe will need to pay or be passport-controlled with their equipment every time they cross borders. It might not matter for a big band like Coldplay but small bands will have a lot of trouble with that.

Actually Coldplay has suspended their tours until they can find a way to make them sustainable.

I know and I think that is amazing!

How are you with environmentalism, are you active?

I wish I was more active to be honest, because I have a platform on Instagram which I could use a bit more - I'm just always quite scared when it comes to posting because I know that so many people then talk about it and judge me for what I have posted. l don't have an issue with taking a political side on an I think fairly easy topic to take sides on when it comes to the environment. But then again it's this general thing of posting something and l know 400.000 people will look at it or make up their mind about it - have an opinion and voice it. It's just something that scares me, so that is holding me back a bit but I'm trying a bit more.

Understood. But isn't it the same with doing a movie or starring in a TV series, you put it out there and everyone is going to judge you ? Even more people than just your followers as a matter of fact.

Of course. But that's my job. That's what I love to do, that's what I've chosen to do. I have not chosen to be someone who is followed by 400.000 people on Instagram, that sort of just happened.

It's a side effect.

It is and I am grateful for it but it also scares me (laughs).

That makes sense. But do you even realise how famous you are? I remember I walked into someone's house in Korea last year and they were watching "Dark" that very moment, all fans of yours.

I don't think I get it. No, I don't quite get it. When I talk to casting directors about my value on the English language market they will eventually tell me that it's not as profound as they want it to be to play a main role in an English language feature film. You have to separate between being known from something and being so known for quality that you have international value - having sort of a critical acclaim and value in different countries. I don't think I'm there yet and would only consider myself famous, which is already weird to discuss and acknowledge out loud. For now, to be fair, I'm just the guy from "Dark".

It did reach a bit of an iconic status though, also your character. Everyone is going to remember you for that yellow raincoat.

I hope they won't only remember me for only that (laughs).

Do you wear a yellow raincoat in private ?

No, there is no opportunity for me anymore to wear a yellow raincoat. It's not possible. But let's get back once more to environmentalism. One thing is stating your opinion on social media but the other thing is when it comes to acting myself, to change my daily life to help the environment. I would say I'm quite conscious about it and avoid flying and consuming local produce. Focus on quality and try to not waste products.

Who is inspiring you?

Leonardo Dicaprio for example. But I don't know if he necessarily acts himself that way, but he does something about speaking out about it - using his figure and position as an activist to talk about it. I quite like that.

He is doing one thing I could personally not do however. Speaking out for something and then doing the opposite in his private life. And that judgement is what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of getting perceived as a hypocrite. But then again being perceived as that in terms of climate change doesn't really help because it needs to be spoken about and maybe you do not do as much as you talk about it. But at least you raise awareness and take even just a small part.

I absolutely agree. I think we need to re-think that whole concept of hypocrisy in this thing because if he reaches a couple of million people and they are changing something about it - even if he is doing the opposite - he is still doing a lot of good with it. Even though he is a hypocrite I think we need to redefine what it means - at the end of the day we will all be hypocrites because no one is really going to be able to live completely sustainably, we can't think in those absolute terms too much. Everyone needs to start with one thing - picking their battles. Focus on plastic for example, we may get better at disposing of it while still being bad in terms of traveling for example, but that is okay, we can only do one thing at a time.

Don't you think it's crazy that in relation to something like the coronavirus pandemic, pressing and tangible as it affects us now - everybody is afraid, everyone acts, the government acts and everyone is doing their part. Then there is climate change which is more intangible because it's still far away and people don't really care about it - I think this is a problem. Why only act about something that only affects yourself? It's quite selfish and stands for a lot more than only this.

That's it. We went really deep pretty quick didn't we? The most pressing question however is - how often do you cry watching movies ?

I do like to cry when I watch films, because I think I'm quite empathetic so I can relate to the characters a lot. I don't often do it but I really do not mind - it means I'm involved in the story. I like crying in movies. Therefore I know it has touched me somehow.

I have a weird relationship to crying in movies, I like doing it but there is a certain place where I cry much more easily - on planes. It's quite strange actually but I get very emotional when I'm up in the air.

That's good, I guess? Have you seen the film "Click"? It's not the greatest film out there, it's with Adam Sandler. But there is a scene in the end where he (spoiler alert) dies. There is a remote with which he can forward his life and he fasts forward to the moment when he dies. It's very dramatic, tragic - almost pathetic and still I started crying because I imagined that happening to me and felt so sad (laughs).

This is going to be the headline: Louis Hofmann, the guy who cries at Adam Sandler movies.

I can imagine you being the guy who would make a head- line like this.

Have you ever died in a movie?

[START OF SPOILER]

Yes, I've died in "Alone in Berlin" and also in "Prélude", where my character hangs himself in the end.

How was that for you?

I was not very attached to myself at that moment. I mean eventually it gets cut out. So the moment I actually die they cut off and it turns black. I still enacted the scenes but it was weird, it was more of a physical thing than an emotional one when I acted it. It's just sometimes with very physical scenes - the dynamic approach and action can be so mentally and intellectually exhausting that there is not much room left for emotional attachment. It didn't feel I was dying myself. It did hurt though, I had the rope around my neck.

[END OF SPOILER]

Good one. Do you believe in fairytales?

No I don't. But I do like "Bojack Horseman" though because it seems so dumb first but turns so philosophical.

In general, what is happiness to you?

I don't know what it means to me but I know when l feel happy - that's when I'm grounded, when I'm self-assured and when I feel like I'm really being myself. When I reach that state I feel happiness. Sharing that happiness with someone is what's most important. Happiness is truly being yourself.

Very profound answer. How is your work- life balance, are you always working?

I think it's quite okay. The only thing I kind of need to improve is that - when I work I work 100% and I tend to think about the year in little phases. I work then I'm free, then I work then I'm free. And I always only take really care of myself in the times when I have spare time. When I work my health and my hobbies - I just do not look at that. It's all about the work. I want to get somewhere where I can balance those things better.

The thing I really wanted to touch base with you on was the future of movies. We are talking about technology, virtual reality, 3D. Would you like to do some work in 3D?

I would only like to do something in 3D if the new technology elevates the film to another level and makes sense story-wise. I'm not a fan of it only if it looks good. If it helps the story to evolve into something bigger then it's okay. I'm an admirer of that old cinema look, of that really organic taste of a film. I don't know if I would like to act in a VR film. What I don't like about new technologies is that the acting itself and the characters and craft are kind-of left behind. In the foreground it's only the technique, the focus is too much on the visual aspects rather than the screencraft.

I totally understand what you're saying - but if you think about it this way now - people probably said the same thing about colour films in times of black/white films because colours took away the attention from the acting. I think it's about what we are used to. If we say in a couple of years it's normal to consume everything in 3D and VR, do we still think about that?

I mean it surely is incredible what they have achieved and still continue to achieve with 3D and VR. Remarkable how they portray an illusion and tell a story in such a unique and involving way. I'm just always afraid that if you want to tell a character based story with that technique, the characters and the acting will be left behind due to the sheer amount of attention the technical stuff needs from the cast and the team. But of course it's fascinating and intriguing. And since we sort of got used to seeing films in 3D, maybe that's also gonna happen to VR.

How do you think we will consume movies and series in 20 years or how does acting actually change? Looking at "Death Stranding", a video game by Hideo Koji-ma that stars an impressive cast with Mads Mikkelsen, Lea Seydoux and Norman Reedus, to name but a few. They are in this game as actors through 3D scanning. Imagine this fast-forwarded 20 years.

I really hope that traditional acting doesn't die. I don't know - in 30 years I'll probably think differently but right now I think you can not replace something natural with something computer-generated. If the technology evolves, maybe it will be possible.

Anyway, how does it feel like to see yourself in a sex scene?

(laughs) I've always said I separate myself from the character when I watch my films. It's the character who gets naked and has sex, it's not me. It's just when you are around people who you know personally, it might get awkward, for example with my mom. You just have to evaluate if nudity and sex is necessary for the story and the character - if it is, it's not tough to watch.

It's a powerful meditation on how to detach yourself from something, isn't it?

For sure, it doesn't always work though.

#Louis Hofmann #dark netflix #louishofmann #darknetflix #jonas kahnwald #jonaskahnwald

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