#i think the reason people misinterpret him is because they focus too much on one aspect of his character

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Is gojo truly selfless? Most people think he does it for an ulterior motive and for his personal beneficial reasons & it’s kinda calculated. Like he can gain benefit out of it exp: saving yuuji from execution and saving megumi from his clan, to make his vision/dream of transforming the jujutsu society come true. So it’s kinda selfish more or less?

see . the thing about gojo is that he’s constantly walking on the fine line between ’extremely selfless’ and ’extremely selfish.’ the reason i often call him selfless is specifically in regards to how i see him acting when he’s in love — i think that if gojo loves you, what’s most comfortable for him is to distance himself from you and watch you be happy with someone else. even if it it irks at him. he would do it because he believes it’s best for the both of you.

but you could also make an argument that it’s very selfish because he’s ignoring what he feels for you and what you feel for him, making a decision that’s less paralyzing for him but making it for the both of you — etc. that’s kinda why it’s difficult. at some point selflessness and martyrdom spins back to selfishness; but either way i think gojo exists right at the gap between them. he's an extreme case.

relationship aside though, i’d call canon gojo selfless for very similar reasons — because his entire goal centers around the idea of everyone leaving him behind. i agree that gojo is calculative, and that both saving megumi and yuuji was apart of his dream to nurture powerful allies, but i also think you’re ignoring an extremely important part of gojo’s character by implying that’s all it was. gojo’s main character motivation is the preservation of youth — and another point that’s important to him is personal autonomy. he wants kids to be kids, and he wants people to get to choose how they live their lives. both of these motivations are more important to him than his selfless/selfish dream of being surpassed.

so, basically — i think gojo is very logical and calculative at his core, and he doesn’t do what he does out of the kindness of his heart — he does it because it’s important to him. protecting youth is important to him. being a mentor is important to him. he does what he does for himself which could be called selfish, but he also deliberately does things that bring him more pain, and more isolation, which could be called selfless. so it’s tough. overall i think it’s wrong to treat gojo like a saint but also wrong to treat him like some mastermind — gojo does what he wants, and he mostly wants things that are good.

[vasito-de-leche]

Hello..... may I ask for more Horropedia romantic headcanons about his love languages in recieving and giving? 👉👈 I really like your Pavia headcanons about it. If it's too much, then may I ask for just Horropedia's love language in receiving? This man has been haunting me in my mind for a long time and I starve for more stuff about him. Thank you very much! 💖💖

;R1999 HORROPEDIA - Love Languages (receiving)

Headcanons and analysis on Horropedia's love languages and the way he likes to receive attention.

I miss doing love language stuff, so ty for the request! it's only receiving stuff for this post since it might've gotten too long if I did both, but feel free to drop by again!

This one is a little tricky for me! I know I have a lot to say about the way Horropedia shows affection, but when it comes to the way he likes to receive affection, I don't think I have a super solid grasp?

When it comes to love as a general feeling, I know that Horropedia isn't used to it. It's not due to a lack of receiving it, that's for sure. Horropedia knows how love is supposed to feel thanks to the loving grandfather that raised him - but genuine affection, whether platonic or romantic, and acts of kindness are extremely hard to come by in an environment as sterile and harsh as the Foundation. At worst, they come with an invisible compromise.

This, mixed with the fact that people tend to avoid him, has certainly led Horropedia not to expect anything when it comes to love as a concept. "It's not his genre", he says.

In the context of giving, it's easy for him to adapt to it because he just has to figure out the rules - the things he's comfortable with doing that feel good for you, the deal breakers, the clichés and so on and so forth, but when it comes to receiving? Horropedia is a little lost, almost like he's used to experiencing things as an outsider and a observer, rather than an active participant. It's especially difficult if the things that he wants are considered non-conventional, outside of the traditional scope of romance. Or if his partner misunderstands his eagerness to learn and the ways he engages with these new feelings as disinterest or aloofness.

Like I said in that previous post about Horropedia's relationship headcanons, it's easy to misinterpret him and his actions if they're only read at a surface level, and through the lenses of conventional displays of love. Him putting the effort into understanding the rules of romance, to figure out everything there is to know about love and the nuance of this relationship he's in... That's exactly how he shows his affections.

But once again, what happens when it comes to Horropedia receiving love and affection? He likes when you're with him, but is that enough? Is there something deeper? Something he's missing?

I think it would be very cute if he tried to figure out which love languages he likes to receive, only to find out the answers were pretty obvious the whole time, much like the formula for every romcom out there.

Receiving: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation

[Quality Time]

Out of everyone I've written about so far in this blog, Horropedia would love quality time in it's purest form the most - getting to spend time with you all alone, focusing only on each other to catch up and bond sounds heavenly to him. The activity is the least of his concerns, he'd rather much focus on the fact that someone is going out of their way to make time for him, that they genuinely want him around and care about what he has to say.

Okay, bear with me for a moment. I like to think Horropedia is particular about his space and belongings, I definitely mentioned this a few times already throughout my posts, partially because of how cautious he had to be to keep the Foundation from taking away everything that made him feel safe and happy while growing up. And also because he's just wired like that, no other deep reasoning behind it. But once he grows comfortable, this sort of "stingy" and perhaps avoidant behaviour disappears almost entirely, because that's when he becomes eager to share his life in its entirety with those he cherishes.

The process of indulging in quality time with Horropedia, whether he's the one initiating or receiving, is actually just a very slow process of being welcomed into his life.

It starts very systematic and organized, I'd say - he would prefer to set up certain dates and times to hang out. For example, Sundays are special because they're the day you come around to hang out with him, so he can't have any other plans on Sundays and he'll certainly spend part of the week just anticipating this special day. But as he grows more comfortable, he would insist that you simply show up to his work station or room whenever you feel like it. That counts as quality time, right? You two are spending time together. Easy.

And this goes on and on, to the point where you're glued by the hip and that initial barrier is gone entirely - similar to Pavia, Horropedia would insist that you have permission to just wak into the places he considers a "safe space" from the world that keeps giving him weird looks or continues to chastise him for not adhering to the model of a Foundation member. He loves whenever you invite yourself to his movie marathons, when you just tag along to keep him company, or when you invite him to fun getaways, etc etc.

I know I said that Horropedia would enjoy quality time in the purest of its forms at the beginning of this entire section, but now I'm talking about how Horropedia considers quality time to every single second he spends with you. I have nothing to defend myself, so I'll just attribute that to his themes of redirection <3

[Words of Affirmation]

Horropedia likes when people are clear about their intentions and feelings the same way he is. Words of affirmation, to him, is intrinsically linked with understanding and transparent communication. Those are the things Horropedia seeks.

I think that questions are the easiest way to show this sort of love language to him. Yes, Horropedia would prefer to hear why you dislike a movie that he likes rather than hear you mindlessly praise it just to avoid upsetting him, he would rather be told that he's done a good job in his research, and all - but directly asking him for his thoughts and opinions, asking him to clarify or explain something in more detail... It makes Horropedia feel seen, finally heard, he's given the chance to unleash all of his intellect while knowing that someone is truly paying attention to him. You went out of our way to ask him, when you could've asked anyone else.

Not to say that compliments, declarations of love and sweet nothings are useless or unwanted! I do think that Horropedia is the type of guy who would love to be hyped up by his friends and loved ones, to have others tell him he's done a good job even if he already knows that, to have his partner tell him that they love him, even if he focuses more on actions rather than words. But it has to come hand in hand with that direct honesty, lest it come across as insincere or some back-handed comment.

I'm gonna go on another tangent here!

We've all talked about neurodivergency and Horropedia at some point or another, the idea of Horropedia masking is not strange or new at all. Him being aware of these invisible rules of conduct that others expect him to live up to exist out there, while also being unable to follow them or notice them right away at times - it's just the contradictory lifestyle us neurodivergent people have to lead.

I like to think that Horropedia has grown to be wary and cautious of acts of kindness around the Foundation staff because it's not something that he associates with a group like them. So being complimented out of the blue can give him pause. Something as small as telling him that his hair looks nice today, or that someone likes his clips and hair ties. Horropedia knows he must be on the look out for these double-edged words and back-handed compliments. Just look at the way other kids treated Vertin when they were all so young.

And yet, he feels so very happy and giddy when someone he trusts, who has proven that they're honest, gives him any sort of positive affirmations. Because he knows that these people mean what they say and say what they mean, as opposed to everyone else. This is when simple compliments can go a long way with him!

[em-harlsnow]

ive realised that a lot of my fan fictions involve mickey getting hurt so I wanted to explain this since I don't want it to be misinterpreted.

In 'it's dark tonight (will you stay?)' I wrote about Terry beating mickey up after the 3x06 episode and Ian, mandy and lip taking him back to the Gallagher house. this was the first fic I ever wrote and I wanted to explore mickey being vulnerable around Ian and trusting him. it's a common trope for shameless pics to have mickey going to ian's house after a run-in with Terry, but I hadn't seen many like this so I wanted to explore that.

in 'I'll fight everyone but you' the plot is heavily based on the first season of peaky blinders, in which Tommy gets shot. so... that's why Mickey gets shot. I didn't want Ian to get shot because I felt like that would make ian's family completely distrustful of mickey and change the plot significantly.

in 'gallagehrs and group chats' chapter 5, both Ian and mickey are shown to be in abusive households, which they were, and they both looked after each other. so I feel this requires less explanation.

in 'iron bars' there are two instances where mickey gets hurt. first, in a fight. reason for this is because I feel it would be correct to assume that due to his family's rep, his own rep, and the fact that he's gay and kinda short would make people think he's an easy target. also, he wins the fight and is hardly hurt, so maybe this is irrelevant. second instance is mickey getting stabbed. same reasons, honestly. the reason I showed mickey getting stabbed and not Ian is so simple. it's because Ian works in the infirmary, therefore he can be around while mickey is recovering in the infirmary. but if Ian were stabbed, mickey obvs could not visit him because he doesn't work in the infirmary.

in 'heard you could save me' mickey's also stabbed. reason for this is so Ian can heal him with his healing powers. this fic is SO for fun for me. it's not a deep psycho analysis of characters, it's just me playing around with superheros, so I'm not analysing this one too much.

even so, I think I could stand to put more focus on Ian in general when it comes to the issues he's had and still has. this is me trying to be self aware and expand on my works. I have been trying to show both their issues in 'iron bars'. I swear. Anyway im doing a lot of WIPs at the moment but if anyone has Ian-centric prompts I'd be happy to hear them and MAYBE write them when I can.

[minidoons]

hiii sending asks now lol

yeah it would makes sense that ash is more focused on due to popularity esp since his vids and streams are like. adhd fuel lmao, but at the same time it doesnt give a Full satisfying answer for me cause theres plenty of popular/less popular ships out there that have respect for both parties but maybe its just cause swagdoons is one of the biggest and oldest ships on lifesteal lol

honestly personally i wouldnt Mind the femboy red jokes if there were at least a somewhat equal amount in regards to ash but often ive found that ppl are much less likely to do that with ash for whatever reason even if they made the same jokes with red like??? whats going on here... and honestly big same on getting girlboy vibes from ash

and i havent heard that zamswagdoons interppretations (mainly cause i have yet to see zamswagdoons fancontent lol) and whattt their asses are nawt fawning over ash esp together lmao??? and youre so right on zam and ash bullying each other before killing red, i have no idea how that dynamic can be misinterpreted considering theyve been pretty consistent in that regard even if theres the very occasional affection thrown in there lmao???

Tbh I get that, I kind of feel as if 2022 and like early-mid 2023 Swagdoons didn't have that inequality present so??? I have no idea where it sprung up from?? I know there was a difference in popularity between 2022 early/mid 2023 and late 2023-2024 with Reddoons since I'm pretty sure he was popular during that time? And now he's not so much. So I ?? Seriously do not know why that is?? I kind of just assumed it was because Ash is more popular than Red and it feels like . Red is only brought up in convo cuz of Ash, but like yeah. I feel like the equality of the ship has gone up and down throughout the years I guess Yeah it's odd to me, especially cuz Ash seems to be more fem than Red in outward appearances. Also surprises me cuz people seem to see Ash as buff? Yeah sorry that dude is a twink. Have you seen him IRL he looks like a light breeze could swoop him up. The femboy jokes are always iffy with me mostly because in the spaces I interact in femboy is seen as a slur against tfem people (cuz it's mostly co-opted in the porn industry to refer to transwomen afaik) and The Worst People You Know always make femboy jokes so it's like. Err. Plus I just don't find it that funny. YAYY Someone gets it..Ash has always been such a beautiful girl that is also a boy to me and I don't get why ppl on LSTWT see him as a he/they'er. When people start referring to Ash as a pretty girl and start using she/her on him thw world will start Healing Yeah there's like. One of the first Zamswagdoons fanart I've seen was of Zam and Red kissing Ash. To be fair this person has a track record of being insanely inaccurate when it comes to characterizing ships (They made a Ashzam one where it said that Zam was the. Only person that was ever truly kind to Ash?? Are we?? Looking at the same ship? And they made the UU!Swagdoons img too) and then I see it again with Zam and Red posing with Ash. I'm not really sure how the dynamic can be perceived that way but I assume it is just because of Ash Needs To Be The Focal Point again. And yeah their dynamic has been pretty clear-cut and consistent even with their minimal affection towards each other so I 1. Don't really get soft ZSD and 2. Am not sure why Zam and Red would fawn over Ash. Sure Red could because that dude is a terrible simp but?? Why is Zam doing that as well?? Especially minute with ZSD's dynamic in mind, because while Red does have an amount of obsession with Zam and Ash, it's more one-sided because Zam and Ash are too busy killing each other and then killing Red to care. It's kind of like Zam and Ash fighting, Red thinking of Ash and Zam kissing, and then Ash and Zam noticing that he's there and killing him. Not Soft or Do They Have a Focus on Ash..

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

Please scream about Ghostbur to me.

Coming soon: me screaming about Halo

OKAY here goes nothing !!

Also this is one of my favorite gifs :)

ANYWAY! MOVING ON TO THE!! RAMBLE!!!

Okayokay I just recently had an epiphany in regards to Ghostbur + the rampant mischaracterization that the fandom gives to him, and the epiphany is this: Ghostbur is an extremely multi-faceted character.

That doesn’t sound too monumental on its own—well-written characters should be multi-faceted!—but with Ghostbur, I feel like it’s much more extreme… which also makes him more confusing.

It’s so freakin rare to find anyone who actually understands Ghostbur’s character & doesn’t wildly mischaracterize him/have a super strange idea of who he is, and for the longest time I couldn’t understand it! I chalked it up to fans being unable to actually look at his character and dig deeper, or only being able to see a very surface-level Ghostbur, but now I think it’s a little different than that :0

Ghostbur is a very complex little guy—which most people don’t realize! He’s mature but also childish, and he’s happy but also depressed, and he cares so deeply for everything but he also doesn’t value his own life, and he wants to die but he’s scared of death. It all sounds very contradictory, but if you understand his character then you realize it makes sense!

And I’m pretty darn certain that the reason fans misinterpret him so much is because they’re only paying attention to one of his many facets!! Rather than seeing All of Ghostbur’s facets and quirks, they only focus on one, and the result is a very very mischaracterized ghost.

There’s a big issue when it comes to infantalizing Ghostbur; it’s definitely the most common mischaracterization I’ve seen. And I think the reason it’s so rampant is because it’s… sort of grounded in truth? Ghostbur is very whimsical and silly and smiley, and he does quite a few things that would be seen as childish—things such as refusing to talk/think about sad things, only focusing on “happy” things, deriving the most fulfillment and satisfaction from simple tasks, etc etc. I don’t think it’s wrong to say that Ghostbur has childish traits! Not wrong at all!! It’s an important part of his character, I fully believe that!

The problem comes when people only see Ghostbur as childish. When they only pay attention to his sillier aspects. When they cannot understand that yes, parts of Ghostbur are childish, but he is still an adult and he’s really quite mature!!

Another mischaracterization I’ve seen, though not as frequently, is sort of… I guess “dark Ghostbur” would be the best way to put it; they think of Ghostbur as creepy, as unsettling, as dead, as unnatural, as disturbing. They see him as something wrong, as something that is not supposed to be moving and talking and smiling. Someone who watches pleasantly as terrible things happen all around, someone who’s ready to kill and torture. Basically, this version of Ghostbur leans more into the ghost aspect—specifically, a creepy, supernatural ghost who’s clearly, undeniably inhuman.

This, again, is founded on a bit of truth! Ghostbur has definitely done or said creepy things—most notably whenever he talks about death. He’ll say things like, “Alivebur blew up the nation and killed everyone, it looks like Tommy killed himself, I want to die” and he will say it all in an easy, pleasant, smiling tone of voice, as if he sees absolutely nothing disturbing about the subject matter.

But the problem happens when fans only see this side of his personality, and make it into his entire personality. Because truth is, Ghostbur isn’t a generally creepy character! He’s super sweet and wants to help people, and he’s always looking for the good in others. He just happens to also have a bit of an unsettling side to him, but that is by no means reflective of his whole entire personality, and shouldn’t be viewed as such!

The many complexities of Ghostbur is something I could literally go on and on about, but this kinda scratches the surface of what I mean. He has so many wonderful sides to his beautiful & unique personality, and I think most fans are incapable of understanding all of them :( It’s very unfortunate, because he really is SUCH an amazing character!! He’s incredible!!! He does not deserve how the fandom treats him, not at all.

[dxmoness]

Near Death. | D. Agriche.

continuation of haphephobia! (Wattpad book)

THE continuous teasing during their childhood led them to an extremely confusing love hate relationship with one another. Never was a day nowadays when they don't fight with each other with annoyance and hatred.

The Agriche led her through the endless trees of the black forest. They were heading to a lake that had been a sanctuary for their childhood.

He always did this. He loved annoying her by bringing her back to spot where she fell and drowned only to be saved by him. The place where to which became their safe haven. Years passed and Dion had made sure to keep everything in tact. It seemed he enjoyed the thought of taking her to and fro.

Entering the hidden lake, she found that it still looked as magical as it did years before. "Still looks the same, doesn't it?" The male asked, studying her expression with interest.

"Mm..." She sat on a rock and placed her hand in the cool water. Eyes lifting up, she was flustered to find Dion stripping his clothes. "What the f*ck, Dion?!"

He just laughed and dove into the the lake. "Care to join me, my lady?" The question was in an extremely teasing tone. A tone she loath with a passion.

"No thank you." She said bluntly. Optics looking away from his extremely built figure. A tint of a blush shone on her face as she shoved thoughts away. Shut up, Areum. You can't think that. Yes, she referred to herself as Areum now. There was no point of calling herself by her old name in fear that she might misinterpret people's words because of it. Anyway there was not much to do with it. If she did possibly slip out words that may interpret something that was not supposed to be said about her past, she had the right excuse of reading too much novels or having the same dreams at night led to the said statements.

Suddenly, a hand grasped her and pulled her breaking her out of her trance. "EH—?!"

A laugh erupted from the male who had pulled her into the lake with him as she stood up, dress dripping with water. Strong arms wrapped around her, and started carrying her like a groom carrying his bride.

Her eyes met the side of his cheek. He's so good looking. Curse him for being that way. His future wife was going to be lucky. Suddenly a memory came to her that in the novel he had no care for women plus the fact that he was apparently ugly to most.

How could this gorgeous human being be ugly in the novel yet beautiful here? Was there a reason he was ugly back then? There's only one thing ugly about him and that's his personality. No doubt that's what was ugly about him. And she supposed the fact that he never got sleep. Talk about him being sleep deprived.

"Are you going to keep gawking at my looks or are you gonna get off?" His voice asked noticing her staring at him with admiration.

Realizing she's been caught she jumped out of his arms. "I was not gawking." "Call it all you want, darling. I believe you were gawking to the point you didn't notice we've already made it to dry land." An annoying smirk emerged on his lips. "So you did like what you saw."

Her face burned up as she looked away. "Shut up! No I didn't."

A chuckle was heard, but she didn't focus on that. What was wrong with her! To be involved with the favorite child was a mistake, why did she watch for too long?

Actions getting the best of her, she stood up only to startle the male who had apparently been analyzing her back, awaiting a response for his gaze.

"Where are you going?" "Anywhere, but with you." The reply cut deep. Did his teasing really get to her that much? He didn't understand what he did wrong, he only teased her a little. Like he always did.

The female left, and he was pondering on about what he could've possibly done that he didn't mean to do..

Realizing that she did not know these woods as well as she did before, he rushed in putting on his coat.

Areum had managed to get slightly past all the trees when she realized how much everything had changed. Gone was the morning sun in the woods ahead of her, but she wanted away from the Agriche. What should she do?

A growl was heard to her right as a creature lunged to attack. A swift and precise movement emerged to halt the creature, ending its life almost completely.

A horrid gasp emerged from Areum as she moved back from the gore sight as well as the male who picked up his sword. Dion. How he had managed to catch up with such speed was a mystery to her, but she was grateful either way. If anything she should be dead meat by now for the creature's supper.

"Thanks." "No problem." Dion answered, taking her hand. "I believe they're done with their meeting, shall we?" An invitation to be taken back to her father. One she would rather say no to, but in between living with a man who didn't care and most likely dying to become food in a forest, she'd rather live. Taking his hand with much hesitation, Dion led her out of her near death.

By the estate's front, her father awaited alongside the duke. The two seemingly didn't care if she ran off to do whatever. But upon noticing Dion on the other hand her father managed a smile of satisfaction. "I see you've found your way to your future fiancé, Areum." A frown worked its way onto her.

Fiancé? Not even Dion would go that far. "I suppose he just wanted to see me, Father." An annoyed tone laced her voice, but careless she did. Does it look like she wanted a marriage with an Agriche? No, not when she wanted to survive this world of hell. In fact the only sane option of marriage would be Cassis Pedelian also known as the female lead's older brother in the novel.

"Indeed, I found her so I thought of giving the two of us some time." Dion's voice was now in a monotone voice she heard him use in the presence of his father. "And I see no fit in marrying her, so why bother continuing such a statement, my lord?"

Duke Armani regarded him with a look that meant he did not like what was said while Duke Agriche stood amused. It seemed he was enjoying his son's tactics with marriage proposals.

"Very well. Areum, let's go." The duke said, turning and trotting away without caring if his daughter was already following or not.

Giving Dion one last look, she walked after her father. She could've sworn she heard Duke Agriche mutter something about her to his son for Dion gave a low chuckle, but either way she didn't care. At least she managed to survive this day of probable death.

[fire-dwelling]

I saw some chattering in other posts on tumblr complaining about FF charachters, but someone brought up the point that something seemed to change even back in Soul Eater - so do you think Gopher and the later clowns where a sign of Ohkubo changing his prioritys in how he portrays charachters, making them unfunny one time gags? Or is this something he allways did and people just imagine some "vibeshift"? But if not, do you think changes in editors/assisstants could be a reason? Maybe Ohkubo never was the driving force behind the more praised elements in Soul Eater?

I’ve been struggling how to respond to this, so I’m going to break up the submission into parts and just respond to parts of it along the way towards getting to something of an answer. 

I saw some chattering in other posts on tumblr complaining about FF charachters, 

I mean, I have a lot of complaints about Fire Force characters. 

It’s not quite the My Hero Academia problem of too many characters, but Fire Force characters definitely had those that seemed underdeveloped. 

Were some of these characters there just to serve the plot with nothing else to do? 

That seems to be the case of the Fire Agency Director who barely (never?) shows up after Akitaru is captured by the White Clads. 

And that seems to be the case of Huang, who resurrects Shinra then dies, which makes Shinra’s death as pointless as Izuku losing his arms before Eri’s horn brings them back--but, whoops, Huang is resurrected along with everyone else by Shinra, only now as a snake person, and we never hear her thoughts on the matter, and it’s just for the sake of using her or Orochi as the fans’ headcanon as Medusa’s ancestor. 

Then there are characters whose narrative trajectory is not at all clear, especially Benimaru and Kurono and even Joker, where Ohkubo forces their doppels into the story to tsk tsk the audience for misinterpreting what he was going for with them. 

but someone brought up the point that something seemed to change even back in Soul Eater - 

I do think characterization changed after the Arachnophobia arc and starting with the introduction of Noah’s gang. I can accept some of those changes: they just lost Kid, they are now a Spartoi unit. But it’s also that vague timeskip to get to the Spartoi unit, Maka and Soul getting enough souls, that there seems to be a few steps missing. I’ve toyed with a fanfic to try to explain the personality changes--because, again, the changes make sense, I just wish we had a story to show that character progression. If anything, with Maka all of a sudden now interested in Soul treating her like Ox treating Kim, it feels like there was potential to address this more clearly, such as something else having happened aside from Crona going missing that may make her more invested in what is going on with Soul. 

so do you think Gopher and the later clowns where a sign of Ohkubo changing his prioritys in how he portrays charachters, making them unfunny one time gags?

Not to be a hater, but the “unfunny one-time gags” were there long before Gopher. I mean, I thoroughly enjoy the Flying Dutchman, especially turning his and Blair’s fight into a Tom and Jerry short--but I think that’s a reason we didn’t see the Dutchman again in the rest of the series, it was a one-time gag, we’re done with him. 

So maybe that is why there are some changes in the manga starting with Noah’s gang: this is no longer a series about collecting souls, it’s no longer one-off adventures, we’re now trying to do a longer arc. Sure, you can argue that the “one-off adventures” ended much earlier when Crona sliced Soul and now it’s a race to stop Medusa from resurrecting the Kishin, only, whoops, that still happens, so now we shift focus abruptly to Arachnophobia, but, whoops, they weren’t that long-lasting of an antagonist, so back to Medusa--or is it Noah--or Crona--and where did the Kishin go? 

…See how the story lost focus as soon as Asura was resurrected? 

Let’s go back to that one-off adventure structure and the Flying Dutchman. Even when the plot is now about stopping Medusa, we still had stories that, initially, seemed like one-off antagonists: Kid and the Thompsons collecting the souls from the Dutchman’s ship. It does tie into Medusa’s storyline once Crona claims those souls, but at least it felt like a one-off story. Even the fight between Kid and the Fisher King did both, a one-off antagonist and progressing the larger arc, in this case Arachnophobia. 

But I do think something changed once Soul became a Death Scythe. A lot of the people Soul and Maka killed could have served a similar purpose--but now that Soul is a Death Scythe, they have no reason to collect souls, now they’re on the frontlines against the Big Bads…and they just aren’t that engaging of antagonists. Noah’s purpose is delayed for so long, then it just turns out he’s a puppet. Medusa’s grand scheme ends with her death, so while her villainy continues to hang over what comes next with Crona, she’s gone. Crona is not quite the villain, they’re the antagonist, and even then they seem just as much of a puppet as Noah. 

We don’t get many one-off cool villains to fight: the Book of Eibon monsters are cool horror movie references, but they are mindless beasts; we don’t have a Mifune who is morally compromised, historical villains like Rasputin or Al Capone that we could play around with to re-interpret history (which, granted, Ohkubo didn’t really do much with Rasputin or Capone either), Samantha the Witch was nothing but at least the Wrath of the Pharaoh was a brutal opponent with a shocking design. If we had some one-off battles that could still progress the story forward, it could be more engaging--and would be an excuse to progress characterization for the main characters as well as overlooked supporting characters (Team B, some Death Scythes) and long-lost characters (the NOT trio). 

Or is this something he allways did and people just imagine some "vibeshift"?

I mean, as I say above, the problems were there earlier. I think we didn’t notice as much because we were invested in the mystery of Medusa’s plan--but once Asura is resurrected, we lose the one-off fights, Medusa’s plan fades away until she just dies, Arachnophobia and Noah just aren’t as compelling, and Asura is goofing off on the Moon the entire time so he’s barely a factor in the story where he has been the overarching threat all along, because Asura is a force of nature, not a realized character. 

But if not, do you think changes in editors/assisstants could be a reason? Maybe Ohkubo never was the driving force behind the more praised elements in Soul Eater?

I remain so ignorant as to who were Ohkubo’s editors and assistants on all of his manga, so I can’t comment on whether they influenced his choices. Of the two, it would be the editors guiding where his stories would go far more than what assistants may have done--although, not ignoring that an assistant may have a stylistic choice that makes Ohkubo realize something. 

And as I’ll try to say more below before I wrap up, there is more across Ohkubo’s works--B Ichi, Soul Eater, NOT, Fire Force--that is similar than different, even visual details that creep into works where he was only the character designer or illustrator, that leads me to think he was the driving force, even as I am loathe to acknowledge that means he is responsible for elements that are praised in Soul Eater. I just happen to think, given how badly Fire Force turned out, that the editors of Soul Eater just did a better job guiding him in directions that worked so well in Soul Eater and earned him praise, whereas with Fire Force it just is a message I don’t like, and his editors encouraged his worst traits. 

There is enough consistent across Ohkubo’s works--character designs, design touches, personality and character archetypes, themes, settings--that I am inclined to think Ohkubo has been consistent, however much he has changed in details for the worse or chose different tones and messages, and has only changed in how bad he can be because, by increased fame or change in editors, he gets away with more. 

Across just Soul Eater, we saw the changes after the Arachnophobia arc, starting with Kid’s kidnapping and the positioning of Noah as a new big bad with his own gang, while Medusa was off scheming. And all of these changes came along with changes in the artwork, not just in giving the DWMA their own Spartoi uniforms but little tweaks to the artwork that seemed to be pulling a bit more from the Studio BONES designs and seemed like Ohkubo had settled into a typical, albeit a little less visually interesting, character design style. 

I’m kind of petering out here at the end, so, to reiterate, I think there is more similar across his works, even as his visual style had a lot of different directions along the way. And this is all united by his characterization approach staying mostly the same, in that he has characters change so to change the plot, rather than letting the plot change the characters: he just has a character act a way to serve the story (Maka suddenly jealous of Ox and Kim) rather than having that change in characterization result from the story itself. It’s how we get Shinra pretty much staying the same throughout Fire Force despite what the story should have changed in him--all because the ending, evidently, was always going to be about resurrecting everyone anyway, so why should Shinra have much if any reaction to death, except the last one, Akitaru, that finally makes him lose control, let the world get burned to ash, so he can resurrect it all. 

[galionne-speeding]

Hi! At the time of writing this ask, AO3 is still down, so I decided to put some headcanons for your Pantheon AU in here. If you like them, please feel free to use them. If you don’t like them or the reasoning behind them, please let me know why so I don’t continue misinterpreting them in my head.

Boreas:

When you’re going to do something incredibly stupid, he’ll tell you it’s stupid, but he won’t stop you if you decide to do it anyway. (He seems like the type of person who has seen so much idiocy that he’s numb to it.)

Piia:

They actually weren’t too mad at the kid who tricked them into trapping themselves in a mirror. They were very impressed that someone actually outwitted them, especially since it was a fellow kid. (I have a hunch that it was the adults’ idea to sacrifice Piia, and as such, they didn’t target other kids with their tricks and pranks.)

Zeutaros:

May or may not be an ancestor of Zavok. Assuming that he gets disconnected from the emerald’s power and he manages to calm down, he will hang around Zavok a lot, trying to “parent” him, much to Zik’s annoyance. (Zeutaros has horns shaped like Zavok’s, and the two have very similar builds. Also, the thought of a ripped hulking creature arguing with a tiny old man about how to raise a kid is… amusing, to say the least. Especially when you realize that Zik is easily puntable by someone like Zeutaros.)

Mother Agnes:

Overprotective parental figure, who put the children under her care into that comatose state to “protect” them from the outside world. (It just seems like a quality she would have, especially if the emerald messed with her mind.)

Malda:

The embodiment of “You either earn my respect or get off my lawn.” (Cranky hermit.)

Occasionally bleps. (Frog.)

Desíré:

Spoiled as heck. Will not accept anything considered “the stuff of simpletons”. (Prince stuff.)

Manas:

Will scam you once he learns what scamming is. (He just has that air about him.)

All the Pantheon:

Severely time-displaced and will probably wreck numerous things as they figure out how modern amenities work.

Oh wow, hello! Thank you for writing, I think this is the first time someone has sent me their headcanons for my OCs and I must say, this is awesome! It's so cool to see other people's interpretation of them!

Quite a few of these headcanons are pretty spot on too

Boreas Correct! He has no interest in stopping anyone from getting in trouble (unless there's a chance their stupidity might affect him). This isn't out of malice- after losing his entire tribe he's become numb to people in general. He doesn't form bonds with others anymore and has stopped caring about pretty much anyone and anything.

Piia The child who sealed them away is probably one of the only individuals Piia doesn't have a vendetta against. They were more angry at themselves for being tricked than anything else. Sacrificing villagers to the moutain was a common occurence where Piia lived, although the children were typically kept out of the loop. Being albino, Piia was considered a particularly valuable sacrifice. Their primary target for their vengeance is indeed adults (and older teens) ; however if a kid is nearby or even caught in the crossfire… That is not a reason for them to stop.

Zeutaros Bingo! This was the idea when designing him (a little too obvious but oh well). He's Zavok's great(x40) grampa ; although because I kept going back and forth on this it's not actually that important to the overall story. I was also originally going to give him power over both fire and electricity as well ; but I decided to focus on the latter for. Story reasons. As for caring for Zavok… That is unfortunately very much not the case. I have a lot of headcanons about Zeti and the Lost Hex ; one of them being that warrior packs like the Deadly Six make up only a tiny tiny portion of the population on the Hex. The majority of Zeti nowadays are farmers and artisans living in small communities, relying on the warriors for protection in exchange of food. Back when Zeutaros was (first) alive however, things were much the opposite. Warriors ruled the Hex and those who couldn't fight back were either killed or made to serve them. Zeutaros in particular was known to slaughter those he considered weak with little remorse- which is why the Deadly Six allied themselves with Sonic & Co. Because they know this guy would have no issue killing them and then everyone on the Hex if he ever makes his way back up there. Oh also yeah, the Emerald gives him power but has no impact on his psyche. He's just like that.

Mother Agnes Overprotective in the worst way possible. She suffered a lot in her youth and always wished someone would have taken her away from that suffering ; that she could have escaped it all. As an adult she views the world as inherantly evil- and children to be too pure and gentle to be a part of it. She projects all of her past trauma onto them and believes the best for them is to never have to face anything upsetting, ever. Hence putting them in a permanent sleep where she believes nothing can ever harm them.

Malda Deep down she's a kind old lady ; always was until she was you know, drowned for crimes she never committed. She's still got some of that kindness in her but yeah, if she doesn't like you you are not welcome.

Désiré Well, yes and no. They were very much spoiled in the material sense ; jewelry and good food and expensive robes… But they never felt truly loved- much less accepted. Désiré is the name they chose for themself. It was never uttered by anyone else in their family. To them they were always Raaj, their heir who was throwing a petty tantrum and would come around eventually to his princely duties. Désiré could easily be convinced to give up the riches for a more simple life where they can feel loved. Just give them some time to get used to it.

Manas Oh absolutely, yes. Scamming's his game and all he needs is a few gullible individuals to get started.

All The Pantheon I need to make a timeline for when all these guys were alive. Mother Agnes would be the closest to present time (think the Sonic equivalent of the 1920s) and Zeutaros the furthest away (roughly early Iron Age). So yeah, lots of tech getting completely wrecked with these guys around.

[hivepixels]

Personally I think just because a big chunk of the fandom wildly misinterprets canon and/or is hyper aggressive about headcanons and ships (← absolutely a thing), it doesn't mean fans of a certain character or ship have less nuanced takes! It all boils down to preferences, so I would not say people "understand" Sollux better :0 In fact, I see a lot of fan content reducing his character to "gamer boyfriend" no matter the ship!!! Waughhhh!!!!

(mischaracterization is one of the things that irks me the most about this fandom, but I wouldn't say the takeaway is "I don't vibe with this pairing = Fans of this pairing just Don't Get It, but rather that people dump their baggage and regurgitated fanon into the characters, essentially detaching them from their canon context and making them unrecognisable for the sake of shipping)

ayee that's fair any character/ship can be subjected to this, esp as a karkat fan i've seen him mangled all sorts of ways hckckhk

tropes do give people comfortable prompts to lean on when creating fanworks, but it's understandably exhausting to see a configuration you don't agree with constantly being spread around/repeated all the time

sollux's character has so many extensive subsections of lore it's not surprising people would prefer to focus on the parts they're familiar with, and sweaty gamer boyfriend comes much more naturally than homestuck-specific alternian physiology hsjaha

but yeah the baggage thing is rough bc we're all drawn to our fave characters for different reasons, so liking the same character/ship doesnt always mean you'd instantly click :') and getting too hyperspecific with headcanons can alienate other fans from just wanting to vibe and watch their faves getting together.

(though i do think the fandom is generally pretty accepting of canon-removed/far-fetched depictions, especially when the person is genuine and upfront about it 👀 with infinite possibilities it's natural to try everything once and decide what is and isn't for you. just... might be hard to avoid since the community is so small.)

not to mention there's a pretty distinct generation gap between modern fans who associate homestuck with current cultural trends of dark/shock/meme media, compared to older fans who've had previous experience engaging in early fandom culture and remember how it used to be done

i'm just glad i'm only on tumblr/youtube hjhj everytime someone mentions an outrageous opinion from a diff section of the fandom i just assume they got back from checking twitter/tiktok

[chuckletons]

here's me talking (or rambling) generally about the jb comics in cn starring/cartoon cartoons and block party. i'm not a huge fan of most of the stories. some of this is also more series bible talk except with a focus on bunny, johnny and suzy as opposed to just johnny and carl. also longg post underneath the cut. some scattered trivia and notes at the end too if you're interested in that sort of thing

the most notable instance of bunny making johnny do chores is the beginning to "i, fly." we never really see it happening otherwise. however, this is a reoccurring theme in the comics. it also matches up with the pre-retool bible stating that johnny gets an allowance from bunny each week.

in most of the comic stories, bunny has a low tolerance for johnny's behavior and often threatens to kick him out and otherwise fully embodies the "aggressive nagging mom" trope. this is even noted by "charles d. brown," a fan that sent in letters. there's also a running gag in a few stories of bunny chasing him with a bat? that is completely absent from the show (and likely wasn't allowed even if they wanted to.) bunny instead takes the role of beating the tar out of any man that threatens her son. van's bible and the retooled version seem to be similar in the way bunny uses guilt to get johnny to do what she wants. that specifically was not a retool invention. although s1 bunny wasn't very fleshed out, nor did she appear a lot, van was planning to do more with her before he got fired. the retool was going to harness a much more edgy identity, so it makes sense.

back on topic: comics also feature certain panels such as bunny asking who would be stupid enough to give johnny a driver's license.

my biggest problem with these stories is how frankly miserable some of them feel. johnny and bunny's relationship is a big part of that. in the beginning to the smarty pants story, we see bunny pouring a super-sized box of antacid into her mouth as soon as she sees johnny hitting on a random woman, telling him that she's the "eighth 'betty' [that] week [he] decided [was] 'the one [for him].'" she then gives him genuine good advice that he doesn't follow, a la suzy.

overall, the amount of awareness bunny has just makes me feel terrible for her. what makes bunny work in the show is her pretending (or being blissfully unaware) that her son isn't as bad as he seems. like the rest of the cast, she's a very flawed person. the show works because johnny's friends are also fucked up in different ways without being the exact type of cynical that he is. characters like pops can be very, very mean to johnny, but characters like bunny carl and suzy have their mean moments as well. but some comic stories take this to an extreme and i think the show achieves a specific vibe of mean that mostly worked.

the world revolves around whatever johnny subjects his friends to, but they are his only support system. they feel like a group of horrible people that work well together, united by one idiot. i like that a lot about the retool, it's a huge reason why i got this into it in the first place. but, i love that there's a balance between, say, episodes like "johnny's guardian angel" that acknowledge how the status quo is johnny's fault or episodes where his friends don't care as much about him, and ones where they do and they pay for it. it's not too static. if you don't love one, you have the other.

retool bunny is notable because of the heart she brings to the table. again, she loves her son and will fight to protect him, she's way too clingy and longs for the past when he was still a child, she makes plenty of mistakes as a mother, but at the end of the day, you know she wouldn't threaten to kick johnny out on a daily basis or treat him like a total freeloader. either the retool or the comic writers misinterpreted what "bunny guilts johnny" was supposed to mean. for meaner jokes with her or carl etc., you could at least go "that's kind of funny in a dark way" or at worst "this feels ooc" and move on to the next episode. when we get the gist in the comics that bunny is always suffering this much, what joy is there seeing them interact?

the majority of the stories were not written by the show's writers, but there is a difference between comics and tv censors— comics seem to get away with more. some examples of comic writers taking advantage of this were funny, some were not. one example is in the "you cast a spell" story. i'll let you guess which panel. very S1 in nature, honestly.

(left) this one-page comic where it's obvious a woman hired actual hitmen to kill johnny after he stalked her is like... the show didn't do this because 1. again, i doubt they were allowed to and 2. it's uncomfortably realistic. the stalking part. i feel weird criticizing a one page gag like this, but the concept of hiring hitmen to kill johnny IS funny— and that very well could've worked in the retool's world, don't get me wrong— it's how it's executed. the bollywood movie did a better hitman/assassin type concept.

(left and right) much like bunny, johnny feels uncomfortably self-aware in ways he shouldn't be. "'sides, it's full of stuff the babes can throw at you!" this should not cross his mind. he'd likely tell you anywhere BUT some place that tongue-in-cheek. it's a very easy joke. "always be a gentleman on the first date, save the real you for later!" johnny doesn't play dumb or polite to deceive women, he's just a jackass. "charm school johnny" and "tyler perry's guide to love" are the main examples of this, as johnny can't be a gentleman (or pretend to know what one is) without someone guiding him along. CSJ is a cel-era S2 episode. johnny isn't smart nor devious enough at any point in the show to say something like this. his everyday self is wildly inauthentic as it is.

to me, it feels like these lack what really makes johnny funny when he IS funny. i can't tell if this is a misunderstanding of his character or if the bible was a bit off in terms of what retool johnny became. kupperberg's stories seem to have this problem the most, however... all in all, it kind of feels like an exaggerated parody of the retool and what could be viewed as its worst qualities

one of the other comics i found interesting was "go cart go," a story about suzy building a go cart for a derby and asking johnny for help. johnny uses a nickname for suzy as opposed to forgetting her name and otherwise acts nice to her. he kind of sees himself as a role-model to her, and he has a "tooth or consequences" style change of heart when he sees how sad she is after he enters the derby with his own cart. he cheats his way to get her to win. it's arguably the sweetest official johnny and suzy story i've ever seen and it was very likely an episode premise in the bible that got reworked into the aforementioned tooth fairy ep. johnny is completely selfless and it's played straight even when he gets beat up at the end. is it in-character? is the tone accurate to the show? not really, but it's really nice to see. i like it! retool johnny WAS supposed to be a "jerk with a heart of gold," it's just a shame we barely got that.

other random notes:

johnny uses a lot of "flirty" food nicknames. "pop tart" he uses at least twice. very much the same type of thing as "etruscan honey bun" from the gladiator short. definitely toned down in the actual show

like the s2 model sheets, master hama is referred to as 'master hong,' something that was likely changed early in production to lessen possible complaints of racism / (over)stereotyping

only two of the comic stories were written by one of the show's crew members (john crane.) partible pencilled for a comic / covers but wrote zero of the stories, even post-retool. retool-era storyboard artists such as dave schwartz (the man with the idea for a suzy spin-off / "the great bunny book ban," whom unfortunately passed in 2021) and neal sternecky pencilled a few comic stories. lovely work

unlike "johnny bigfoot," a john crane story, miss williams/winkleman is referred to as "miss butterworth" in "to sea or not to sea." further confirmation that she's the retooled version of ms. babe (suzy's teacher in S1), complete with johnny trying to woo her repeatedly— something he only does twice in the retool as she appears three times with two different designs and last names.

one penciller, anthony williams, was particularly on-model / used plenty of model sheet poses and expressions in the stories he illustrated. since none of carl's model sheets have been shared online yet, the williams-drawn comics are the closest thing we have to those.

besides the short bursts of "HUH?" bible-influenced moments with carl, he's written pretty decently in the comics. consistently. i like the majority of his appearances a lot.

in a car story, suzy gets jealous of a woman johnny persues. that sort of thing is absent from the show entirely— instead, she uses johnny and women to persuade him to take her places. suzy seems to have no hard feelings toward the women, not even in "rashomoron" (where carl is used to fulfill that purpose instead.)

john q bravo???

[cangrellesteponme]

I've thought about it so much I came to the conclusion BOTH Sebastian and Claude are two different types of autistic demons, and maybe it's rare in demons so BOTH these guys are weirdos among their own kind. IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

my autistic ass agrees. so I must elaborate.

(for the sake of this, we're putting aside the fact that this hc is completely incompatible with any and all things canon.)

first, reasons they're autistic:

they're very bad at pretending to be human. you'd think millennia spent observing humans would help them suck a little bit less, but they really don't understand human behaviour at all. (just like me fr)

weird humans special interest.

repeating the same phrases a lot. this one gets two autism points because it's both scripting and a vocal stim. like, I know damn well these hoes just love saying their "yes my lord" "yes your highness" bs and their butler mottos.

butler cosplay.

low empathy. (I know that's a controversial one because it's not as common as allistics think it is, but I'm not about to go on a tangent about undesirable autistic traits and ableism) this one is not enough on its own because... why would a demon feel empathy for a human when that's a whole different species, but some people feel bad for bugs so I'm taking this as these demon butlers presenting yet another autistic trait!

picky eaters. like... seb would rather starve than eat bad food. that is autistic behaviour.

being very specific about phrasing. people never focus on what is said, but rather on what it means... unless they're autistic. (we see hannah be normal about words all the time so we can assume it's really just claude and sebastian who love being way too precise.) also seb did pretend to misinterpret o!ciel's words during the contract negotiation just to force the kid to always be direct and literal with his orders - that is peak autistic behaviour. as for claude... there are so many different instances of this in kuro 2, but him not having a clear contract with alois is another example of "you better be precise or shit will happen to you".

weirdos. pathetic loners. probably got bullied by other demons smh.

I can only think of claude examples for this one but I'm sure there are a few for seb: unmasking and being really fucking weird. think of the knitting, the disney princess shit, the tap dancing, being a weird ass spider, licking blood...

both preferring a much smaller amount of servants than what is socially acceptable.

being naturally fucking terrifying. they are autism creatures in the most horrific sense. we have the spider guy with the long tongue and the dude who's mostly black goop with teeth.

there are plenty of other reasons, but these are the most obvious ones they have in common.

them being autistic in two different ways:

flat affect vs way too dramatic. claude won't be caught dead emoting like a normal person, sebastian constantly looks deeply offended or amused by everything he sees... two very different behaviours. both autistics.

attachment to objects and animals. so, about the empathy thing, plenty of autistic people who would be categorised as low-empathy are the type to love animals and apologise to furniture - that's seb. the rest don't give a single fuck about anyone or anything - that's claude.

visual stimulation is superior vs no thoughts only tactile stim. this is me projecting and saying every autistic bitch with glasses likes wearing them a little too much but I'd say claude clearly cares a lot about colours (constantly changing everything at the trancy manor... I see how it is) while we have sebastian who likes petting cats, cares about the fine fabric of his coat enough to talk about it in the middle of a fight, is horrified when tea is poured on his hands... very stimmy demons.

ANYWAY

they're autistic, your honour.

[natsmagi]

I love ur art!!!! really its so gorgeous and the style brings me sm joy, its so soft and cute!! and ofc fem ntsmg is THE GOAT!!!!!!

BUT I JUST WANNA ALSO SHOW APPRECIATION FOR HOW U ANSWER ASKS AND STUFF AND IDK JUST UR WHOLE PERSONALITY IN GENERAL?? I love reading ur text posts especially when u kinda analyze the characters and stuff like its so fun to read and tbh, both natsume and tsumugi are characters that I feel are often mischaracterized in the fandom, and like idk I feel like u get them so perfectly and its sooo !??!?! Awesome getting to read ur awesome takes when new events come out and stuff like YOURE SO RIGHT ABT EVERYTHING, i be reading ur posts and going "you!!! YOU FUCKING GET IT!!!!!!!!!!" *happy stimming*

if you honestly did like a proper character analysis for them one day just now i would be so here for it and read it over and over again probably. Im currently hyperfixating RLY HARD on ntsmg so sometimes i just go through ur entire text post/ask tag and read everything over and over again 😭😭😭 I JUST LOVE THIS BLOG IN GENERAL KEEP DOING WHAT YOURE DOING, YOURE ABSOLUTELY AWESOME AND VERY MUCH BASED USER NATSMAGI!!!!♥️♥️♥️♥️

OIUGOHGOOHH OH MY GODDDDD ANONNNNNNNN THIS IS SO SWEET I HARDLY EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAYYYYYYY 😭😭😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH U HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME 🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

im a very chatty person so im very glad u like hearing what i have to say 🥺!!! and im glad u like my personality too since i feel i can come off as harsh or arrogant sometimes AKJHFSKJH THOUGH TBF I DO TRY MY BEST TO BE KIND......

ID LOOOVE TO ANALYZE NTMG MORE !!! main reason i dont do it as often or hold myself back a bit is because admittedly its been a While since i read alot of the stories, a majority of which i have only read once, and when i make actually Proper analyzes i like to have reread the material and see if i maybe misinterpreted something on my first read or am misremembering, bc when given new info other interactions can be read differently and all that. and i also wanna actually do them justice and not accidentally spread misinfo AJHSFKJH AND I UNFORTUNATELY HAVENT HAD THE TIME NOR ENERGY TO DO THIS </3 but even without remembering every single piece of dialogue verbatim i like to think my grasp on them is still somewhat decent, and im very glad u like my interpretations 🥺❤️

it always makes me so incredibly happy when people view the characters similarly to me aswell bc like u mentioned they Are kinda prone to getting mischaracterized in some ways...... i think it mainly comes from both natsume and tsumugi having MANY factors to their characters though, and the mischaracterization comes from only highlighting one aspect of them and failing to think about how their different attributes overlap (although this can probably be said for the entire cast tbh). like an easy example that im sure everyone gets by now is natsumes little tsundereisms. if you only focus on him being rude to tsumugi it can look like hes just some edgy guy with anger management issues, but when you take into account other factors such as him having a rather spoiled upbringing both by his parents and nii-sans, and his distaste towards feeling "weak" (also caused by his upbringing, since he was frail as a child and raised as a girl) you start to see that oh. alot of that is just him being defensive and emotionally immature. since he had such a comfortable upbringing those hints of discomfort and vulnerability are threatening to him as someone who always had everything handed to him. and when you dont know how to deal with situations like that ASWELL as being afraid of being seen as "weak" youre Gonna start resorting to harsher words and sometimes even get physical because you have no clue how else to handle this. its also why the natsumes character consists of him being pretty obsessed with "growing up" and "not being a kid anymore," because he knows how immature he could be SKHDGJH he doesnt have bad intentions he just. doesnt know how to be vulnerable with people

[justgoji]

Tell me about Heron. Anything and everything. For as long as you want. All the lore. All the details in designing him. Please.

I can only show a handful of images from before the rewrite, so you may not hear everything from there because of personal reasons and/or privacy, but I’ll definitely try to explain as much of Heron post rewrite as I can after that.

Heron, along with Toby and Makarov, were the results of when I split one oc into three. It was weird, they were like brothers in spirit but were technically the same person in three stages of life but could also age independently and also shared each other’s memories it was a mess.

Heron’s outfit you see today was actually in the original story, but started out as part of a dream in a coma (Yes Heron got into a coma it was wild). In the dream was some kind of 3d rpg with gang versions of vocaloids utaus and fanloids, and when he woke up he made the outfit he had in the dream real so he could look just like the dream version of himself.

At some point I made a drawing of Heron if he was more edgy, and this is where the eyepatch and robot hand originated. I didn’t intend it to be canon at first, but my friends loved it so much that I made it canon. The reason for it was stupid though, one of my self inserts would go into the shared headspace of Heron, Toby, and Makarov, and fought them which resulted in them waking up in their new designs.

Ultimately I had enough of the plotholes, weird writing choices, and overall bad plot, so I decided to ditch the old story in favor of a rewritten story that made more sense, had fully original designs, and actually had a focus on my original characters instead of cameo characters like Hatsune Miku (yeah Hatsune Miku was the main character of my old story for like the last quarter of it). My friends got to choose which outfit Heron would wear in this new context, and they chose the dream outfit, which I think was a great choice.

As I drew him again and again and again, and had help from my mutual’s depictions of him, I got a better idea of his personality and how he would interact with other characters. Today he is pretty much a self insert I can have interact with vsynths, but even then I try not to go too far with projecting everything about me onto him like I did in the original story. Oh yeah, I also changed his design a bit again earlier this year to fit with how my doodles of him looked.

I think his zipper is the most misinterpreted part of his outfit by far. I’ve seen a lot of people draw it as a regular zipper, but it’s actually supposed to resemble those blocky holeless textured zippers by Reebok.

I imagine that the fingers on his robot hand have a resin-like shell that is semitransparent and flexible, with endoskeleton fingers underneath the exterior. Early on I thought about making them glow but I decided against it. Although some people have make his fingers glow which I’m completely fine with.

His clothing was inspired by Hatsune Miku and Kagamine Len. I think the influence is most noticeable with his pants and sleeves, but even then he looks fairly distinct from both of the referenced vocaloids.

His headphones were originally just generic gamer cat ear headphones, but I decided to make them more original and made the ears look more like real cat ears, although sometimes when I draw them they end up looking like dog or fox ears instead.

His hair was inspired by the crests of actual herons. I had a bit of trouble coming up with a good hair design but I’m very satisfied with the current product. Here are some scrapped hair designs that may or may not look familiar to you.

I imagine that Heron is a very emotional person, having strong outbursts and mood swings, which may be the result of him getting bullied constantly during his childhood. I think the biggest reason why he was a prime target may have been because of his timid nature. Speaking of childhood, here’s some doodles of what he looked like before he joined the vsynths.

How he became a synth in the story is unclear, but I imagine that it’s similar to how the phone guys in the Dayshift at Freddy’s series are created. People are sent to some sort of factory or facility where they are turned into phone guys, and something similar could be happening here. In the Memecenary Madness universe, all synths (vocaloids, utaus, fanloids, synthvs etc.) are implied to be robotic or made of technology that blurs the line between biological and artificial.

In the original story, Hatsune Miku and Heron have a strong connection to each other to the point that it’s basically fan fiction. But in the rewrite, it’s a lot more safe, with Heron being inspired by Miku to become a singer, and eventually getting to sing a few songs with Miku in person. They don’t talk much, but they definitely share some sort of wavelength, as they come up with similar thoughts and in rare cases become indistinguishable from one another. Here’s what Miku looks like in the rewrite btw.

So yeah, that’s pretty much all I can say about Heron right now. Feel free to ask me about my other characters, such as Dane Brook, Alex Cass, Big Iron etc.

Also I love fanart of my characters I’m begging you guys to make more

[somekindofsentience]

I was really interested in this perspective on the Final Duet and wanted to talk about it a little. I haven't seen a lot of critical takes on this scene, since I (like many people) were too busy crying to critique it, but I think this is well-written.

I agree with some things, but I also have some criticisms of your criticisms (lol). Hopefully my points come together in a way that makes sense to everyone.

While I agree the visuals are relatively bland and non-sequential, leaving gaps in our understanding of the formation of friendship group (which is frankly pathetic and absolutely should've been explored at least in the game's Headspace), I also don't think it's appropriate to dissociate and analyse these slides without talking about the significance of the Final Duet piece. The PowerPoint slides are not and should not be made the focus of this portion of the game, even though many people in the fanbase do ostensibly shower said slides in gold stars.

Music sheets have been a symbol in this game since the barn in Cattail Field. I do think that the duet itself has its criticisms (although its simplicity is hopefully intentional?), and the way that music as a symbol is handled in Omori is very abrupt and not well intertwined with the narrative; but I can't agree with the choice to criticise only the visuals of the game without mentioning the audio. It not only doesn't properly capture the scene, but also limits your ability to analyse it.

With regards to your discussions of Sunny being a "blank slate"- we have to recognise that a lot of this game is designed for audience projection. Inherently speaking, the audience isn't going to forgive Sunny if they don't project onto him to some extent, so like a lot of recent media protagonists, Sunny acts as a player stand-in. Omocat takes this way too far, and Sunny's character does become entirely inferential, forcing us to understand him from Headspace and the way characters speak around him. While the idea of exploring personality from a character's dreams can be done very interestingly (Yume Nikki and subsequent fangames are a good example), this idea clashes with Omori itself - Omori, to some extent, cannot be an exploration of friendships and relationships when one character is a void waiting for player insertion.

Mari is absolutely nothing but a blank slate, and now the fandom also thinks she's Jesus. She's criminally underexplored in, like, a physically painful way.

I believe you've misinterpreted the images of Mari and Sunny hugging, and the change to Sunny alone (although I recognise that I could entirely be looking into it too much). These scenes aren't supposed to contrast when Mari was dead and when Mari was alive, rather, to contrast the act of Mari saving Sunny's life and him ending hers. This juxtaposition is not highlighted enough in the game (merely referenced in the Lost Library), but it's a contrast that I think should be at the forefront of the game's Truth sequence, instead of floating vaguely in the background. For some godforsaken reason, references to the Phobias and the day of their creation are basically absent from the ending of the game, which means major themes of guilt and regret are wasted. It makes the Phobias feel so irrelevant, which is frustrating.

Omori isn't really a representation of severe depression, he's moreso a manifestation of the idea that repression is the only solution. I actually don't think the ending of the game suggests Sunny is cured at all, but he's realised that he does deserve to live, despite everything he's done. It's not a representation of healing from trauma, it's like taking a feeble first step back from the ledge.

I really do give Omocat a lot of slack, here - personally I think a lot of the game's complexity is inferred entirely by the fanbase, an accident on the team's part. I definitely fall into that rabbithole when I write about it, because I want to believe things have meaning. So does everyone, I think.

this got waayyyy too long i'm sorry

I'm gonna be honest - along with OMORI pressuring the player into choosing the good ending lest Sunny kills himself, the whole DUET cutscene doesn't strike me as anything but very blatant emotional manipulation either. Every mention of it I saw was followed by fans talking at length about how thoroughly devastated they were left by that moment, but if you look past the Feels and focus on the Reals, what is there to be devastated about, really?

The (supposed) purpose of the cutscene is to show Sunny placating his depression by recalling the good times he had with Mari and his friends... except that is exactly what he's been doing via Basil's photo album throughout the entire game. That's what Memory Lane, which you have to go through right before the final boss, was there for. And just like the aforementioned two, the good times showcased in DUET are glurgy, meaningless fluff. They don't tell you anything new about the characters and they don't show them helping each other through thick and thin as people you could call "real" friends are supposed to. The fact that the cutscene itself looks like a PowerPoint slideshow or something you could theoretically cook up in Windows Movie Maker doesn't help, especially if you remove the music track altogether.

I think one of my "favorite" moments is Sunny and Mari meeting Kel and Hero, which is represented by the latter two literally popping out of thin air

You'd think that as a story with the power of friendship as one of its central themes, the game would show how the characters became friends in the first place and what makes them gel together, but no. This is all you get.

It's the same thing with Aubrey and Basil. The gang meets Aubrey for the first time while she's crying on the sidewalk before the game cuts to her introducing Basil to them. Was them comforting Aubrey over her lost shoe enough for her to befriend them? How exactly did she and Basil meet? I dunno, you tell me! Think about the plot so the writer won't have to!

So emotional. So peak. Two hundred thousand dollars was spent on this.

Speaking of Sunny and Mari, the cutscene's Peakest™ moment is the smash cut from a bright shot of Mari embracing a younger Sunny to a gloomier shot of the older Sunny sitting there all alone and morose, which delivers the message with all the subtlety of a nuclear bomb explosion

she passed on The Emo to him. truely devastating. also why do they both look malnourished. what the hell is this artstyle

Yes, game. I get it. The grass was greener when Mari was alive. That's roughly her gravestone's epitaph. What is the point of this? What am I supposed to cry about?

That brings me to what I believe is the main problem with DUET, and a problem with the game itself as well - the story doesn't put in any real effort to flesh out the characters you're supposed to feel bad for, yet expects you to feel bad for them anyway. Even after playing the entire 25 hours of this game, I don't know anything about Sunny, nor can I recall anything noteworthy about him except from him calling lemons "oragnes". I don't know anything about who Mari really was except that she's treated by the narrative as if she was Jesus in the flesh. They're not characters - they're effectively cardboard cutouts, and I have no idea why the game's imploring me to shed tears over two cardboard cutouts.

The cherry on top is Omori straight-up vanishing after the cutscene ends. One could argue that Sunny's victory was temporary, but that's not indicated - Omori seems to actually vanish once and for all after the game's events, and the main menu even features Sunny himself as opposed to Omori to mark the change. Because we all know that severe depression can be treated by thinking happy thoughts, right? tfw the powerpoint slideshow was so cringe that even the depression decided to peace out

Maybe I wouldn't have been as harsh if the story had Mari kill herself instead of it being a cover-up for manslaughter. Maybe then I'd have been able to see the tragedy. But given the context of the plot twist, all I can see is a coward and a liar soothing his well-earned guilt over committing a serious crime and lying about it in the most laughably melodramatic fashion possible.

[egg-emperor]

As a Shadow enjoyer I also love how fucked up eggman is about him, like he’s just the newest little toy to use against Sonic and try to break when it inevitably rebels. They’re each other’s only link left to Gerald too, a man they both admired and respected in their own ways. It’s really cool to see how the characters are twisted together right from the start

YEEESSS EXACTLY!!! It's so fucked up and compelling for it. It's way too good for people to be misinterpreting due to the confession to his lie that's often presented without the full important context, and how IDW had Sonic try to use it as a reason for Shadow to give Eggman a chance. I still can't believe they used an example of him only fighting against the Black Arms to save his own ass and the world he wants to rule AND lying and manipulating Shadow all the way through lol wtf

Anyway, he has extremely selfish and self-centered reasons behind all his missions in the game. For Sky Troops, he sent out his fleet because if the Black Arms destroyed it all then he couldn't rule it. With Iron Jungle and Circus Park, he wants himself and his bases to be protected by fighting off G.U.N. that come after him. For Cryptic Castle and Lava Shelter, he just wants help with defending his bases. And here are all those examples:

All his motives and missions involve using Shadow, having him carry out his orders that he intends for himself to benefit from alone, without a single thought for anyone else and only want to save himself and the world to rule. He uses Shadow through and through to aid his fleet in combating the Black Arms, protect him during G.U.N's pursuit, then help him defend his bases from G.U.N and the Black Arms. It's just all about him like always! That's why I love them so much lol

Furthermore, in Sky Troops, Eggman has this idle line, if his intentions of sending out his fleet couldn't be any clearer:

Then of course, if selfishly using him to do his dirty work when the world is in great danger and Shadow is already all over the place mentally isn't bad enough, the man also goes ahead and manipulates and gaslights him into believing he has no past, none of it was real and he was an android created by him and Shadow is confused and broken:

He calls himself his master and tells him to know his place beneath him:

Shadow drops into the room full of androids and Eggman eerily and gleefully lies and says he’s just another “beloved android” just like these guys and tells him to “say hi and be friends” but they’re clearly hostile and immediately mindlessly start firing at him. So he's given the impression that he’s one of them, just a weapon that belongs to his master.

This is the exact kind of shit I love, when he does something so fucked up and evil in a casual, cheery, or humorous way but when you really focus on it and think about his intentions, it makes it even more sinister and chilling 😍

But then, in the same level you can hear him say THIS:

It gets even darker because he's using Shadow's pain from the glimpses of dark distressful memories in his flashbacks to make him act in his favor too, even though he's supposed to believe they aren't real and never really happened. Anything to make him fight for him and do his dirty work.

This bastard fucks with his mind by taking advantage of both his amnesia and what he can remember by telling him he's one thing then saying another, whatever it takes to give him the drive to do as he says. You know what it reminds me of? How Gerald repurposed Shadow to want to bring destruction to the human race. Eggman tried to use him for it again but this time on his own terms. Ohhooo man

Continuing the talk of selfish motives and yet another way he uses Shadow, he also expects him to just hand over all the emeralds after collecting them. It was only for his own selfish gain as he's always hungry for power and eager to get his hands on the emeralds for himself, while Shadow is trying to collect them to remember his past and can use them to defeat the Black Arms. But Eggman says they belong to him and demands him to hand them over or be destroyed.

I like how in one of the Lava Shelter version, when Shadow refuses he's like "how DARE you, I OWN you, I gave you life, you're supposed to obey me!" It's also really telling of how he really feels that Shadow belongs to him. And he's so aggressive about it too 😳💜:

And even when he isn't gaslighting him and pretending that Shadow is his creation, he's still manipulating and using him because he feels entitled to him as his grandfather's creation, clear with the way he demands the emeralds and says "Have you forgotten that it was MY grandfather who created you?":

I also included the "You were once a great invention from my grandfather's past, but this is MY time." This is why he'll happily use his creation for his own selfish gain and will lie about the truth about his creator and steal the credit.

I like also how it's telling of how he doesn't do anything for anyone else, not even the Robotnik family like some say. As if his goals of wanting to dominate the world, rule and empire, and build messed up deadly theme parks ever seemed like a way to avenge Gerald anyway lol. It's pure selfishness and self-centeredness, it's all about him and what he wants.

Gerald's time is over, he's the world's greatest scientist now, his creations are like his heirlooms, and now it's his turn to use them as he pleases and doesn't care what Gerald's wishes might have really been instead. He also doesn't care about Shadow's promise to all the victims aboard the ARK lol

He doesn't care about Shadow and see him like a living being like others do. He doesn't give him special treatment for being a creation of his grandfather's. He wasn't his "secret treasure" that Rouge was after in Heroes and even she knew that. He didn't save him out of the goodness of his heart, or even because he didn't want his grandfather's creation to be destroyed, considering how he just used him to create androids and wants to destroy him himself if he doesn't obey him.

Eggman wants to use Shadow as a puppet, a tool, a weapon, a toy to play with and break. He acts like he owns him and he's beneath him, whether he's gaslighting him into believing he's his creation or being honest but showing his selfish entitlement and demanding it due to him being his grandfather's creation, he'll lie or manipulate him into evil and try to own and use him for selfish gain either way.

And when Shadow realizes, he even says it in his own words!

And the final blow? Eggman already used him before all this even began by saving him only to use him to make androids and planned on gaslighting Shadow and pretending he was one of them when he woke up. This is why even the Metal Sonic disguised as Eggman in Sonic Heroes tells Shadow that he has no past. He had already been taken advantage of by him and the events of this game is just him doing it all over again, with him awake to suffer through it this time.

Eggman's confession to the lie was to give him that extra boost of motivation he might've needed to defeat Devil Doom with the "You really are the ultimate life form my grandfather created!" He's a good actor when he needs to seem sincere but he definitely wasn't genuinely remorseful. Plus, he was uncertain of survival in that moment, as he was nervous the entire time. He also never actually apologizes and it doesn't undo the seriously twisted thing he's done.

But wait, that's still not all! Proof of how he doesn't feel remorse is how he only rubs more salt in the wound when it's all over. When Shadow was upset with him for lying and using him, he still didn't apologize. In fact he didn't care at all, he just shrugged it off like "pfft fine then"

He still doesn't give a single fuck after all that lol what an asshole 💜

Despite everything, they're still the only link to Gerald each other have left, the only thing left in common between them as well as their respect for him. Eggman is careless towards it and only tried to use him and lead him down a dark path like Gerald wanted to when he was at his worst but he does it out of pure selfishness and cruelty instead. And Shadow has to face the reality that this is the path the last member of the family left he knows of went down and try to stop him when he causes trouble.

I don't see a lot of discussion of it that's in character and analyzes canon, people usually present Eggman as a Shadow fanboy like in Boom and stuff like that instead. But it's so interesting the way it really is in canon, how complicated and deep it can go and how fucked up and fascinating it is on Eggman's side. It's unfortunate that it's overlooked so much because present day Robotnik family interaction with Shadow and Eggman is just as cool and interesting as past with Shadow, Maria, and Gerald!

Oops I went a bit crazy with this hehe, it's just I've never done a post putting all together quite like this before and I had to lol. I've always been super fascinated with this plot line and I really wish Shadow 2005 explored it to its full potential for the way they seemed to be setting it up for something bigger in Heroes but I still love what we got and how deep it can go just with that! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who loves it :D

[yandere-daydreams]

Title: Desperate Measures.

Pairing: Yandere!Kaeya/Reader (Genshin Impact).

Word Count: 2.2k.

TW: Kidnapping, Emotional Manipulation, Implied Stalking, and Delusional Mindsets.

Kaeya was a man, distracted.

Distracted. Divided. Not inattentive, but pulled away from his responsibilities by a force he couldn’t name and couldn’t say he cared for, either. He wasn’t a stranger to romantic inclinations — fantasies, sudden flings, slow-burning inclinations that died the moment his attention was called elsewhere. Predictably, the few relationships he allowed himself were short-lived, at best distasterous at worst, but he didn’t have a problem with that. If anything, Kaeya appreciated it. He’d always thought of company as optional, and what little loneliness he was still capable of feeling could be drowned with a generous glass of wine. He wasn’t one to linger. He tried not to overstay his welcome. He’d been sentimental, once, too emotional for his own good, and he’d learned his lesson. He didn’t intend to change.

He didn’t want to change.

And yet, here he was.

Distracted.

He couldn’t think. He couldn’t focus. It was all he could do to look like he might’ve been trying to read the most recent document left on his desk – this one from Jean, a directive for the younger knights or legislation she needed him to review or another vague, important report that he probably would’ve dealt with weeks ago, if he’d been able to concentrate.

He made a half-hearted effort to straighten his back as the door to his office began to open, but Kaeya dropped the act quickly, abandoning it completely by the time he heard the sound of heeled boots against hollow tile, caught a glimpse of a familiar (albeit, rarely used) catalyst, searched for eyes and found the cover of a thin book, instead, your face still buried in your newest novel as you stepped through the threshold, not bothering to knock. It was you. He should’ve known it would be. Who else did he deserve?

You, Lisa’s new assistant. You, the latest addition to the Knights of Favonius. You, his current, infuriating, unshakable fixation.

You, the new recruit who hadn’t paid him so much as a passing glance since your arrival, much to Kaeya’s frustration.

You didn’t look at him. You rarely ever did, but it hurt more than it usually did, today, as you dropped another form onto his desk, letting it replace the greeting you’d forgotten to offer. “Lisa needs you to sign this,” You started, laying out your priorities clearly, a skill Kaeya was beginning to resent. “It’s just next year’s budget. If you don’t want to read it, I think I’ll be able to look the other way.”

He glanced over the rows of numbers, the messy hand-writing, the columns of meaningless gibberish that blended together into a mess of ink and digits, and took your suggestion, scrawling his name across the only blank line. It was a lost cause, especially with you in the room. Especially with your unoccupied hand resting on his desk, your fingertips idly tapping an unsteady rhythm into the wood, and all he could think about was who he’d be willing to kill to feel that hand pressed against his cheek.

He considered asking you, for a moment, giving you an order and hoping you'd absent-mindedly obey. He thought about touching you, or running his fingers through your hair, or pulling you into his lap and mumbling sweet-nothings into your ear until someone else dragged you away.

He thought about a lot of things. Then, he said, “I take it your silence comes at a price?”

“Do I seem that selfish to you?” You were selfish. You had to be selfish. If you weren’t, then surely you would’ve been kind enough to put him out of his misery months ago. “I like helping people. Just remember this when I need a favor from you.”

“I’m sure we could work something more immediate out,” He went on, but you were already starting towards the door, calling the conversation to a close before Kaeya could begin to finish. In the back of his mind, something flared, the urge to catch your wrist, to go after you, to put himself between you and the only exit and refuse to move until you looked at him, but he forced it down, swallowing the temptation before it could eclipse his common sense. He couldn’t be impulsive. He couldn’t make rash decisions. He wasn’t prepared to deal with how difficult that would make things, not now.

Not yet.

“Join me for a drink?” He tried, again, attempting to sound unbothered. Nonchalant, casual, normal. Like he wasn’t itching to burn every book you’d touched. “I know you don’t have anything better to--”

“Another night, Captain.”

And just like that, you were gone, leaving Kaeya’s muttered response to echo through his empty office.

“Of course.”

~

Kaeya was a man, desperate.

Like a starving dog. Like a traveler who hadn’t seen water in thirty days. Like a distraught, distressed, disturbed knight, wandering through a maze of a library, cursing the existence of every shelf that separated him from you. He knew where you'd be. You were a creature of habit, and he’d already had more than enough time to memorize your routine. He’d had enough time to memorize everything about you, as ashamed as he was to admit it. It was a testament to his devotion, to how much time he’d spent trying and failing to win your favor.

It was evidence of how pathetic he’d gotten, over the course of his one-sided pursuit.

You were in your usual spot – tucked into the far corner of the library, perched on the edge of a windowsill, your attention monopolized by the tattered scroll spread across your lap. You were still pouring over it by the time he reached you, slumping against the nearest wall, taking in how brilliantly the muted sunlight looked as it danced across your skin. He didn’t try to hide the way he stared, anymore. He was long past worrying that you’d care enough to notice. Your hair was unkempt, proof that’d you slept in the archives again, if you’d slept at all. Your lips were bleeding, too, the lower one chewed raw and split down the middle, but it might’ve been stranger if they weren’t. It must’ve been a nervous tick, but Kaeya found it cute. Kaeya found it endearing. Kaeya found everything about you endearing, and to the archons, he wanted to see those lips wrapped around his co--

And he hated it. He found everything about you endearing, and he hated it. That was all.

He sighed, the sound airy, exhausted. You didn’t look up, but that was fine. It would’ve only hurt him further if someone as simple as that drew out your concern. “I’m in love with you.”

There was a hum, soft and contemplative. A rather generous response, by your standards. “I’ve noticed.”

“You’re all I think about.” It was an awkward confession, one he’d already used a hundred different times. He didn’t care. He’d use it a hundred more, if he had to. “I’m a wreck. I can barely remember my own name, and some days I can’t even do that. I can’t fight, I can’t eat, I can hardly breathe. Every morning, I wonder what it would be like to wake up to your smile, and every night, I stare at my ceiling and loath myself because I’m not holding you in my arms. For fuck’s sake, just yesterday, I almost kissed Albedo because the chemicals he was working with reminded me of the way your favorite kind of flower smells, and I’m just so fucking desperate, I convinced myself that was the closest I’d ever come to kissing you.”

He was rambling, by the end, panting, yelling, but you only blinked when he was done, once, then twice. Your dull nails bit into the edges of your scroll, but you didn’t seem to mind, nor did you move to roll it up as you finally turned to face him, the confusion written clearly across your expression. “You kissed Albedo?”

“You don’t get it,” He said, and you nodded in agreement. “You don’t fucking get it.”

“I think I do,” You admitted, more earnestly. Your gaze dropped back to the ground, and instantly, Kaeya deflated. “I just… I just don’t think it’d work out, if I’m being honest. I’m still new. I still have to give everyone else a reason to trust me, and I don’t think it’s in my best interest to start a relationship with one of my superiors so early on.” You paused, laughing to yourself, and something in Kaeya’s chest tightened. It was the happiest he’d been since he met you, and he still felt like you’d pushed a sword through his heart and twisted. “But, you don’t really want a relationship, do you? You’re just bored, and you need something to fixate on. I’m the most available option, so...” You trailed off, finishing your sentence with a vague, stilted sweeping gesture. “It’ll be easier for both of us, this way. I like you, Captain, but I don’t like you enough to put myself through that.”

It was all he could do to remember how to open his mouth. Once he did, the words came stumbling out on their own.

“Of course.”

~

Kaeya was a man, determined.

Determined might’ve been the wrong word for it. Too soft, too suggestive, the impression too positive and the meaning too vague. ‘Depraved’ might’ve suited him better, but that was too harsh, too primitive, and he’d like to think he’d been as gentle as anyone could expect him to be, given your stubbornness. He’d tried to be gentle. He’d wanted to be gentle. If he was going to do this to you, he could at least do it gently. You deserved that much, at least.

Or, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you didn’t deserve any of this.

He couldn’t really make up his mind, about that.

“Lisa?”

And he was gentle, more so than he had to be. Sure, you were on the floor, bare stone already beginning to chafe at your skin, but the shackles around your wrists were padded, and he’d given you enough slack to sit down, to ball yourself up, to act like it’d never crossed your mind that he’d resort to something so… easily misinterpreted. The blindfold was, similarly, an act of mercy. You’d panic if you woke up like this, chained to a wall in someone else’s cellar, and Kaeya didn’t want that. You needed time, and he could give you that. He would give you that. Even if it pained him to stay at arm’s length.

“Amber?”

He wanted to touch you. It’d be easy, now, easier than it’d ever been before. You wouldn’t be able to push him away, and even if you tried to, he could always overpower you. Take you by the neck, pin you against the floor, leave you shaking and trembling and begging, pleading with a captor you couldn’t see. He’d find a way to make it up to you, later on. He’d find a way to lie, to smile, to make it better, even if he’d failed to time and time again, out there. But, this would be different. You wouldn’t be able to cling to your excuses, and he’d be able to show you how much he cared, how much he wanted this, how much he loved you. This would be better.

“Kaeya?”

See? You were already coming around.

Your voice was already soft, hesitant, a sliver of a whisper that was constantly on the verge of dying out completely. You were trying not to make noise, trying not to seem as terrified as you really were, but he could hear the way your breath hitched as he took a step forward, your restraints rattling as you curled into yourself. You couldn’t hide from him, but you wanted to. That much was obvious. You didn’t want this.

But, he did. More than you could ever want to run away from it.

He wanted to touch you, but he held himself back. Instead, he only kneeled in front of you, letting himself linger for a moment before he spoke. “I’m here, love.”

“Where are we?” You were afraid, too scared to put the pieces together. Not while you could still hope there was another explanation. Not while you could still deny the apparent. “My head hurts, and I can’t--”

“I know, and I’ll make it up to you.” This time, he let himself reach out, cupping your cheek and chuckling as you tried to shy away. The two of you could work on that, later on. He could live with the guilt if he let himself enjoy it, now. “Just give me a moment, alright? Just a second, then I’ll take care of you.”

You opened your mouth, then you closed it again. Kaeya wondered if you’d be bold enough to refuse if he did try to kiss you, or hold you, or go further than the fleeting touches he’d swore would keep him satisfied, at first, at least. He wondered if he’d care, when you did. “Are… are you going to hurt me?”

He wanted to reassure you. He wanted to promise he’d be patient, that he’d understand if you lashed out, that violence wasn’t an option he was willing to consider, but he couldn’t, like this, could he? He didn’t want to hurt you, but he’d never wanted to kidnap you, either, not until you made it obvious he didn’t have another choice. He didn’t want to stoop so low, he didn’t want you to hate him, but…

But, he was lying again, wasn’t he?

To tell the truth, he couldn’t remember the last time he genuinely cared whether or not you loved him back.

You stifled a scream as his hand dropped to your jaw, his grip tightening as he jerked you forward, just close enough to wrap his arm around your waist, to bury his face in the side of your neck, to get a taste of what you’d deprived him of. It wasn’t enough, he doubted it’d ever be enough, but he had you. He had you, he was close to you, and he had you. That had to be enough, for now.

“We’ll see.”