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purplereina11 · 15 hours ago

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New Signing, New Beginning Part 7

Mia Larsen was Barcelonas new summer signing

Alexia Putellas is a club legend who just can't seem to talk to her

Mia was staying with Keira the night of the El Classico, she was relaxing on her sofa watching the TV as Keira was getting the spare room ready, something she hovered to help with but was scolded so skulked away. There was some Spanish soap on the television her grandparents watched religiously, she found herself invested and if not home to catch it had them record the episode for her. She smiled at the text she got from her Gran assuring her she was recording the episode for her incase Keira didn’t watch it.

“Hey” Kiera spoke as she came into the living room, she looked at the TV “Oh god you like this too?” Keira flopped onto the sofa, “Alexia loves it, her and Lucy used to always talk about it, she used to watch it, I haven’t a clue what’s going on ever”

“Why did you not just put subtitles on?” Mia spoke like it was the most obvious suggestion and it probably was

“She wouldn’t let me, she said I would pick up Spanish better if I didn’t have them on” Mia giggled moving her head to look at Keira before her attention turned right back to the episode, “Not that has proved to be true”

“It’s nice you two are still friends”

“There was no bad blood there, we just.. ran our course I guess. Ona makes her so happy, and she’s a good person. She helps me a lot with my Spanish”

Mia hummed, “I noticed that, Aitana has the thankless task of the Catalan I’ve noticed”

“We don’t all grow up in multi lingual houses Mia” Mia smiled, “I think Aita has given up, to be fair it just wasn’t going in at all, languages has never been my thing”

“You understand a lot”

Keira nodded, “Yeah I understand it just can’t speak it” Keira pointed to the Tv, “Thought you were watching this”

“It’s fine, my gran text she’s recording it for me”

Keira swooned, “That is so adorable”

“Yeah.. she’s the best”

Both looked as there was tapping at the door, Keira furrowed her brows as Mia looked back to her silently asking are you going to get that, Keira pulled herself off the sofa and towards the door she pulled it, “Oh, hi” she smiled at Alexia at her door, Mia hadn’t turned around to see who was at the door she just snuggled under her blanket that little bit more.

She felt her body get goosebumps when she heard that voice, one she’d not heard in some time now, it had been maybe 4 days since they’re confrontation, Mia had lost count of the nights she’d laid awake replaying it over and over in her head. What she would say when Alexia made the move to make it less awkward between them again. If she had the chance. Mia had become an expert in not being where Alexia was until today.

Alexia opened her mouth to ask her question when she got the sweetest smile on her lips, “You watch this? Lucy said you hated it”

“Oh um” Keira looked and from here you couldn’t actually see Mia, “No.. Mias here, she watches it” Keira silently gained Alexia’s attention her eye contact told her to go say hello, “What did you need?”

“Oh, I needed sugar.. please”

Keira nodded, “I’ll put some in a cup”

“Gracias”

Mia sat tense whether the captain would come acknowledge her or not, she knew she was here but there conversation moved past Mia’s presence quite quickly. Mia’s chin rose to look above her, feeling her presence, her attention was fully focused on the show, Mia lowered her head back down. For a second she thought Alexia had pointedly come over to actively ignore her, “Hola” her voice was timid, Alexia was fearful she’d get the angry face from Mia that had played on repeat in her dreams.

Mia swallowed, “Hola” that came out quieter than she intended, Mia found herself wanting to make small talk but she figured she’d let Alexia fill the silence, she obviously came over for a reason. Maybe actually mustering up the courage to apologise, who knows.

Alexia glanced as Keira appeared with a cup, “Gracias” Alexia stared at the sugar in the cup, “You were great today”

“Thank you” Mia spoke softly, Alexia waited for her to say something else, smile at her, just even acknowledge she was stood behind her but she never. Alexia admitted defeat despite her abysmal attempt and retreated back to her apartment a few floors up.

“Mia” Keira said softly as she sat back down

“I know i did wrong but she started it”

“Are you 12?”

Mia smiled, “No, but she loves reminding me she’s the captain so she can make this right that’s what a captain should do”

Mia was fiddling with her shorts as she walked down the corridor, “Bon Dia” she rose her head and Alexia was right in front of her. Alexia smiled ever so slightly, she really wanted to make amends with Mia but she just didn’t know where to start with it.

“Bon Dia” Mia lowered her head again and went walking straight by her, Alexia took a breath turned grabbed her hand before Mia even knew what was happening she found herself in the meeting room door shut and Alexia blocking the exit. “I’m not doing this with you again”

“Sit down”

“No” Mia fought back, “Why should I sit down?”

“Sit” Alexia rose her voice slamming the chair back out from under the table, “Down”

The girls in the locker room next door fell silent hearing Alexia raise her voice, Keira swallowed there was only one person Alexia would speak to like that. There was only one other person missing.

“Sitting down isn’t going to happen, what, do you want” Mia had her back up, and rightfully so here Alexia was speaking to her like shit again. Mia could feel all these emotions swirling around her body as they stood silently neither making a move Alexia looking everywhere but her as she searched for some words to say.

Mia silently urged Alexia just to make this right, apologise, do something because holding her hostage in the meeting room wasn’t achieving anything. It was pointless. Futile. Fruitless. It was getting them no where. It wasn’t achieving anything. It was just building more anger and resentment towards the captain on Mias part.

“This is stupid” Mia moved by Alexia, she didn’t mean to bump into her as she opened the door.

“Stop” Alexia slammed the door back shut, turning Mias body to face her. They were incredibly close, Alexia could feel Mia’s breath. She was lost in every sense Mia was infiltrating. Her touch, her smell, her sight. The words weren’t coming yet again and she could feel Mias anger building again.

“Say something then” Mia whispered into the smallest gap between them, Alexia practically pushing her against the door.

“Please, just, sit down”

Mia put her hands on Alexia’s stomach forcing some distance, “That’s not what you needed to say” Mia slipped out the door making sure to slam it, the girls in the locker room heard the door slam followed by something clattering. Alexia had kicked a chair. Mia appeared in view walking straight through the locker room.

“Mia” Keira spoke getting to her feet

“I’m fine” Simply stated before heading out to the gym for today’s recovery session. It was Keira and Ingrid that went after her.

Alexia was noticeably missing for some time, she arrived finally her eyes scanning to see where Mia was. She was tucked in the corner on the treadmill, Pere talking to her, she didn’t say a word however. She was just nodding, she got a little smile towards the end.

Alexia plonked herself down between Mapi and Patri to began stretching, “I need your help” she directed at Patri, “I” Alexia looked to Patri and to Patri, her friend looked anguished. “I don’t know what to do, I keep making it worse.” The pain in Alexia’s face and voice was evident, the spaniard clearly torn apart about the way her friendship or lack there of with Mia was going.

“What happened?”

“I pulled her into the office, she wouldn’t sit down” Alexia looked like she was almost going to have a panic attack recounting the story.

“You shoved her into a door?” Patri asked

Alexia’s head dropped, “She’s never going to forgive me”

Patri put her hands on the captain’s neck yanking her to kiss her temple, “You need to speak to her, she’s just a person Ale why do you find it so hard to just speak to her”

Alexia shrugged, she knew she’d finally figured it out, but she would never get the opportunity to explain to Mia she doubted now.

Alexia sat nervously in the restaurant waiting on an arrival, Patri told her to be here and she’d get Mia here. Alexia looked at the time and she should have been here by now, maybe she’d arrived seen it wasn’t in-fact Patri she was meeting and just left.

Her head rose and she froze much like Mia had, their eyes locked over the restaurant, Mia instantly knew. Her dinner date wasn’t Patri. It was Alexia all along. She did think it was odd the restaurant choice Patri had suggested but it became clearer. A waiter approached Mia as Alexia rose to her feet, she told him with a smile she was meeting a friend and she’d seen her. That smile quickly dropped however as she began closing the distance to the table way at the back Alexia stood awkwardly.

“Buenas Noches” Alexia said softly watching as Mia took her seat, she lowering herself back down. She hoped they could work this out.

Mia placed her bag on the floor took off her jacket and poured herself a glass of water, Alexia felt it was a good start she’d at least stayed. It was a good sign.

“Don’t blame Patri”

Mia sipped her water finally looking at Alexia, “Who else am i to blame?”

Alexia shrugged, “Me i guess, I asked her to get you here so we could talk” Mia simply nodded as her glass was lowered back to the table

“Talk then” Mias attitude wasn’t helping Alexia’s sweaty palms but she knew it was justified. She had to ignore it. She needed to start the ball rolling tonight in making this amends with Mia.

“I don’t know how to speak to you” Alexia just started if she over thought what she was going to say or how to say it, it wouldn’t come out, “And I know it sounds stupid because we’ve had conversations but” Alexia stuttered slightly, “I feel like.. you are the only person that’s ever come here that when you look at me you aren’t looking at Alexia Putellas, you’re looking at.. me” Mia lowered her gaze, “I’m not used to that, and it makes me feel vulnerable around you. I don’t let myself be vulnerable around many people especially people i’ve just met. It scares me. And. I don’t know why but my natural reaction is to just be mean to you and i don’t know why. And i hate myself for it, i really wish i wouldn’t do that”

Mia rose her eyes back to Alexia’s as they were interrupted, Alexia ordered the wine she knew Mia liked when asked about food Alexia checked Mia knew what she wanted and they ordered. Mia sat back looking around the restaurant she’d never been here before, she looked back to Alexia. “Me to”

Alexia swallowed, “I’m sorry”

Mia softened almost instantly, she didn’t speak as the waiter brought over their wine and poured them each a glass, Mia gladly sipped hers needing the courage. She watched as Alexia looked past her out into the restaurant, Mia didn’t know how it got to this and maybe her avoiding Alexia only proved to deepen the tensions. “I don’t actually think your a dick by the way” Alexia moved her eyes to Mia, “Maybe a little bit but id had quite a bit to drink and i was out of order, i shouldn’t of spoken to you like that ever let alone in-front of the team”

Alexia let herself curl her lips ever so slightly, “I don’t even know what you mean by dick”

Mia lowered her head as she smiled, “In England we use it as an insult or to describe someone who’s being not very nice or aren’t nice, it’s a harsher way of saying jerk basically”

Alexia lifted her chin briefly now understanding, “Well as you say, I was being, a dick” Mia laughed, “What’s funny?”

“Just your accent when you speak English” Alexia tilted her head, “It’s cute” Alexia blushed, this was going better than Alexia thought it would be, even if Mias laugh was at her expense. Mia silently tore off some bread as she chewed she felt maybe she owed it to Alexia to tell her the truth. “You know when you asked me what Olga wanted”

“That was none of my business i shouldn’t of asked”

“It sort of is your business” Alexia’s face pulled in confusion, “As Captain… she wants me at Madrid”

“What?”

Mia shrugged, “She said if i say the word Toril would put an offer in in the January window”

“You want to go?” Mia simply shook her head eating some more bread, “Did you say that?”

Mia nodded, “Despite it appears it’s your life’s mission to make me hate it here, I like it, i enjoy the football”

“I am sorry”

Mia nodded finally making eye contact, “I know. But, we’ve been here before”

Alexia knew her apology was appreciated but she also knew her actions from here on out would speak louder. She needed to not let herself try to push Mia away just because she was infatuated with her in a way she never had with someone before. Mia was different. She knew that. She knew she’d be punching to even attempt to pursue Mia but the way she’d been behaving, it was never going to happen.

Patri had told Alexia Mia thought she was attractive. It gave Alexia hope.

“You do realise your now down a midfielder” Alexia rose her head from dipping her bread, “I’m going to kill Patri”

Alexia smiled, “I made her do it”

Mia hummed, “Bet the capitana line came out” Mia rose her eyes, “Am i really that scary to you that you couldn’t just speak to me”

Alexia shook her head, “You make me nervous”

Mias forehead wrinkled in response, “Why?”

Alexia shrugged, “Everyone else always seems to be so impressed by Alexia Putellas, you don’t” I feel not good enough is what Alexia missed off the end of her sentence.

“I am impressed by you, of course i am all you’ve achieved and what you can do. But i understand there’s a person behind all that, one that deserves just as much acknowledgment. I want to know you Alexia, not ‘Alexia Puetellas’ even though she is pretty cool” Alexia rose her eyes, “If that makes you nervous i’m sorry but you’re going to have to get over it, because clearly just not speaking isn’t something you want either”

Alexia laughed softly, “Why do i feel like i got you here to sort things and you ended up being the one to fix it”

“Because i’m just that amazing” Mia smiled sitting back sipping her wine, “Plus i need you on my side when I punch Patri tomorrow”

“I’ll hold her if you want” Alexia joked making Mia’s smile even bigger, “Although.. seems it was worth it”

Mia nodded as she spotted there food coming over, “Seems it”

Mia let Alexia come back to her grandparents in the taxi they stayed in the restaurant just talking for hours, Mia’s cheeks hurt from the smile Alexia kept on her face all evening, she was funny. Unintentionally witty and incredibly charming. If Mia wasn’t mistaken she could have sworn at one point they were gently flirting with each other, the ride to her grandparents home was held in a comfortable silence.

Mia unlocked the door and flicked on a light as she walked into the bungalow dropping her bag and keys on the table to her right she had breakfast at every morning, Alexia dipped her head as she followed her inside, closing the door behind herself. She took in her environment she smiled, it screamed grandparents, family pictures scattered around the space, “I’ll be back, make yourself comfy if you want”

Alexia simply nodded as Mia disappeared off into a room off the kitchen, she let her eyes scan around, her lips tugged seeing Mia’s picture the club took in her kit on her first day, framed on the mantel piece one side. Alexia let her feet carry herself to the opposite side, she scanned the family picture, she instantly spotted Mia big smile on her face flanked by Alexia knew were her parents she was the perfect mix of both. Alexia carried on wandering, looking at more pictures of the grandchildren, nearly all Mia’s pictures were football related, she either had on a football shirt, or a football was visible in the picture.

Alexia rose her eyes as Mia reappeared opening the fridge, “You were a cute kid” Alexia commented, Mia smiled as she got two bottles of water out of the fridge, closing the door coming towards her holding one to her.

“Thanks” she tittered at the comment

“Why is that funny?” Mia just shrugged, opening her water, “And you say I’m weird”

“No.. I say you’re awkward” Mia swigged some of the water, “You want to go sit by the pool?”

“You have a pool?” Alexia asked, Mia started walking backwards

“Follow me La Reina” Mia turned, she got to a door soon enough opening it to a rather large back garden considering the quaint size of the bungalow. Alexia shut the door behind her self as she saw Mia was already lowering her self to sit on the edge of the pool her feet dipping into the water. Mia spoke as Alexia silently joined her, “I like to sit here” she pointed up, “You get a real good view of the stars” Alexia watched Mia as she stared up at the sky clearly mesmerised, “You never saw this many stars in London” There was a subtle curve of Mia’s lips as she kept her gaze on the night sky, unaware how Alexia was admiring her taking in every inch of her, relishing in the interrupt view “My dad loved space, he was always so intrigued by it, he’d sit for hours at his telescope just looking. He never really liked football, but that was the thing we could talk about, instead of watching a game together we’d go look at the stars together” Mia laughed gently to herself at the memory, “Mum would hate how many space documentaries we’d watch, one Sunday he promised it would be finished before Barcelona played, it didn’t. She missed the first half, she was so angry she refused to cook dinner.” Mia swallowed as she seemed to catch herself, she glanced seeing Alexia watching her and lowered her gaze, “Anyway, you didn’t come here to listen to me witter on about space”

“I like listening to you.. it’s cute when you speak English” Alexia smiled proudly when Mia rolled her eyes shaking her head

“I’ll push you in the pool”

“You wouldn’t dare”

Mia looked to Alexia a playful glint in her eye, “You clearly don’t know me very well”

“You’d actually push me in the pool”

Mia smiled as the water bottle came to her lips humming as she nodded before taking a sip.

“When you think you know someone” Alexia jokingly shook her head, before she knew it. She was in the pool, Mia on the side laughing at her as she popped back up.

Mia was laughing it soon faded when she saw Alexia’s face, “No, don’t even think about it” Mia pointed at her, “Alexia” Mia couldn’t help but laugh when Alexia took hold of an ankle. “I’m sorry”

“Oh well” Alexia took her hand and pulled her in to.

Alexia was laughing when Mia appeared back through the top of the water, it was a beautiful sound Mia could listen to it forever. It faded when they realised just how close they were floating. Mia’s favourite thing about Alexia was quickly becoming her eyes, her dark brown eyes that always seemed to draw her in. Even when Alexia had nothing nice to say they were the softest part of her. They’d change colour in the sun and become brighter, they’d glint when she was feeling cheeky.

Mia got goosebumps when Alexia’s arm slipped around her waist gently gripping her waist as she helped hold her up, it was an excuse to be closer in truth. Mia slipped her arms around her neck and they held each other silently for what felt like an eternity. But it still felt not long enough when Mia felt Alexia start to pull away, she smiled feeling her peck her check. Mia let her arms fall her hands resting on Alexia’s strong shoulders instead she spotted Alexia swallow a nervous lump in her throat. Mia whispered when Alexia’s eyes trained to her lips, “What you waiting for?” Alexia’s eyes shot back to Mia’s own, “Mapi isn’t coming”

Alexia let a simple breath push out in amusement, a warm feeling washed through Mia as Alexia came closer, it felt like fireworks going off inside her as her face leaned in closer. Their lips brushed together, tentatively. It was brief, sweet, innocent and she expected nothing less from the awkward Alexia. She’d felt Alexia’s shoulders relax under her fingertips the second their lips brushed, Alexia had been imagining this moment since the day they met. The way Mia’s lips would feel against their own, how her body would feel against the brits. It was everything and more than she imagined.

Alexia cleared her rambling thoughts her lips still painfully close to Mia’s that one simple kiss wasn’t enough. Her heart raced as she reconnected there lips, Mias body setting on fire as there lips moved in perfect synchronicity body’s pushing together as her back gently touched against the wall of the pool. The cold forcing her chest forward in an attempt to relieve the sting of the cold. She let her hands come to Alexia’s jawline when Alexia used one hand to hold her self up the other still around Mia. It may of been a slow kiss but it certainly was intense.

Mia licked her lips when they parted, both their breathing was unsteady and fast, they didn’t speak neither wanting to pop the bubble of bliss they were in. Alexia’s thumb was slowly moving up and down on her waist as there breathing was slowly becoming under control.

Mia spoke first, “Shall we um” she started when she saw Alexia’s jaw chatter very briefly, “Shall we get out, it’s a bit cold” Alexia nodded, she reluctantly removed her arm from around Mia and without her body against her own her jaw now had a mind of its own. The heat of Mia or between them no longer shielding just how cold this pool was.

Alexia hovered at the door, Mia looked back when she didn’t follow, “I’m dripping everywhere”

Mia smiled, “Your fine, it’s tiles it’ll dry” Mia kept going, she headed to the bathroom to grab them some towels. She smiled when she came back and Alexia still wasn’t inside. “Alexia you’re going to get sick just come inside” Mia put the towel around Alexia, “Please” Mia smiled when Alexia slipped by her into the home.

Mia showed Alexia her room, got her some dry clothes out and offered her the hairdryer she left her to it whilst she used her grandparents room to change out the wet clothes.

Alexia came out Mias room in a pair of her barcelona shorts and a plain grey jumper to see Mia already on the sofa the soft light of her phone lighting her face. She looked when she heard Alexia, “You, sticking around or do you want me to drive you home?”

“I’ll get a taxi”

“You’re not getting a taxi, you’ll either stay here or i take you home”

“Sorry, who’s captain?”

“My house” Mia rose to her feet with a smile, “My rules” Alexia got a smile like Mia hadn’t seen before, was this the Alexia everyone else got because if they did she was incredibly jealous. She was hot. “What you doing Putellas?”

“I’m not dragging you out it’s late”

“Ok” Mia glided by Alexia whose smile just got bigger, “No funny business though, i’m not that easy” Alexia laughed and as she turned Mia stood staring. “Why is that so funny?” Alexia shrugged, “You’ve been talking to Keira haven’t you?”

Mia got into bed moving over to the other side next to the wall, she tried to hide how amused she was with how awkward Alexia was being about the situation. It was just adorable. “I haven’t” Alexia lay flat on her back, stiff as a board, “Should i?”

“You could just ask me” Alexia turned her head to Mia and Mia was just honest, “I’ve had three relationships”

“Why did they end?”

“First one, just ran its course we were young, second, she moved to Germany for football so we ended that, Third that’s the one that Keira would say sent me spiral into ‘Fuck buddy era’ that we won’t count or get into”

Alexia turned onto her side, the casual conversation easing her into there wasn't an expectation, “Why?”

“She was 10 years older than me, based in America but it worked somehow. Til it didn’t when she asked me to marry her”

Alexia looked over Mia’s face, “Well the fact your not married tells me how that ended”

Mia smiled turning to her, “I said no, and that was that. Rather abrupt way to end something i was quite happy in but i was 24, i wasn’t ready for that and she obviously was being older.” Mia laughed softly to herself, “You know what they say to get over someone get under someone else, i sure did that” Mia looked away, “Don’t even know why I’m telling you that doesn’t paint me in a good way”

Alexia smiled softly, “Your just being honest, who am i to judge” Alexia took a breathe, “I’ve not dated in 5 years”

Mia looked to Alexia, “Not to ruin this moment but you not dating is a hate crime to all the gay women of Barcelona” Alexia thankfully smiled, “You get how hot you are right?” Alexia’s smile grew, “I’m being serious” Mia giggled, “Answer me”

“You think i’m hot?”

“I know Patri told you, that women can’t keep a secret unless it’s about who she’s sleeping with then she’s surprisingly quiet on the matter”

“Patri’s seeing someone” Mia’s eyes went a little wide, “Mia!”

“Buenas noches dulces sueños” Mia turned to face the wall smiling hearing Alexia laughing softly.

“I won’t say come on”

“No”

“Mia” Alexia reached forward and Mia squirmed under her touch, “Are you ticklish?”

“No”

Alexia laughed as she tickled Mia her body trying to get away but the wall blocking her route, Mia ended up on her back directly below Alexia’s gaze. “Tell me”

“No”

“Mia”

“Stop” Mia laughed grabbing at Alexia’s hand, she finally let Mia prize it off her but only because their fingers laced. “If you watch her, you’ll figure it out” Alexia furrowed her brows, “Watch her, all i’m saying”

The pair spoke some more before Mia was slowly falling asleep, she woke in the night and Alexia was wrapped around her. She smiled and let herself go back to sleep, in the comfort of Alexia’s strong arms.

It was match day as Mia entered the locker room Patri made a beeline for her, “Well?”

“Well what?” Mia looked up at her as she sat down

“What happened?” Patri looked awkward as Alexia entered the room.

“As if i’d tell you” Alexia took her spot beside her, “Liar”

Patri put both hands on either of Mia’s cheek, “I’ll find out, I always do”

“Big talk from someone with big secrets”

Patri narrowed her eyes and walked away, “I’m watching you”

“Enjoy the view my love” Mia pouted a kiss at her as she took her seat the other end of the locker room.

Mia felt nervous her and Alexia had been here before, today would be the day to see if they’d actually turned a corner or not.

Mia lowered her head as they started to hover to come out for the warm up, Alexia chose to stand beside her which she never did. “I’m serious” Alexia spoke hushed, “I want that pan cake recipe” Mia lifted her head and smiled, “They were good” Mia made Alexia pancakes in her Grandparents as Alexia sat patiently at the table watching her,

“I know, you had 5” Alexia couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as they jogged out for the warm up.

Alexia turned jogging backwards, “You promised you wouldn’t judge”

Mia mimicked the coach doing the warm ups, “No judgement just pointing it out”

Mia was starting today’s game, it was 20 minutes in and Barcelona were three nil up when she was pushing forward with the ball once again.

Mia was tackled and the whole stadium stood still.

The thud was sickening the cry she let out sent chills down everyone’s spines. Alexia sprinted over to her, “Mia” she got onto her knees hand on her back, “Mia..”

“I think she’s broke my ankle”

Alexia moved when the medical team got to her, she walked away visibly worried, “Is she ok?” Keira asked

“She said she thinks she’s broke her ankle” Alexia said before moving back to hover worried for her, she couldn't just leave her side. She needed to be there for her.

Surely Mia’s season couldn’t be over just like that. It wasn’t fair. The team spent a long time with Mia before the signal was shown to sub her off and Alexia’s heart dropped seeing Mia’s face when she sat up. She looked devastated, players just knew when something was bad. It’s only a feeling players who’d gotten hurt know. It was the feeling they all dread.

When Mia was in the back she let her emotions out, hiding her face in her shirt as she cried this wasn’t suppose to be how it went, she’d had a dream start to life at Barcelona. It couldn’t all end like this. She heard a cheer go up, Barcelona were clearly fine without her scoring multiple more times. That fourth goal, Alexia scored.

She held up one finger on one hand and five on the other.

15 for Mia.

She had to be ok, she just had to be. There was no way around it.

#alexia x reader #woso #barca femeni #barcelona femeni #woso fanfics #alexia putellas #alexia putellas fanfic #alexia putellas x reader

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 3 days ago

Note

Hello I have more Welsh questions I hope that’s okay!

As always, the Duolingo disclaimer because some of their choices seem suspect. Like the first word they made sure to teach me was draig and it did seem a little racist to suggest to me THIS IS GOING TO COME UP A LOT IN WALES YOU HAD BETTER LEARN IT. Of course maybe I’m racist for assuming that’s connected to the Welsh mysticism nonsense and not the flag, or maybe draig does come up often on the streets of Aberteifi. I am here to learn with an open mind and minimal ego.

Anyway. Question one is indeed about places.

1. How do you decide whether a place needs a y with it? I can’t seem to tell, some countries have it and some don’t which confuses this dumb American. Plus it seems like no cities have it?

2. Also on the topic of cities, I can understand that there are places in Wales that have English names and that some don’t. Looks like Abertawe : Swansea v Aberystwyth : Aberystwyth. Two parter - part one, why did some get renamed while others stayed Welsh? Part two, is it preferred to just use the Welsh name? I’m wondering what common practice/preference is.

3. On the topic of common practice, I have a question that I am desperately trying to make as inoffensive as possible because it’s really about the trustworthiness of Duolingo than anything else. But it’s teaching me words that I want to make sure are appropriate. Ysgrifenydd/ysgrifennyddes and gŵr tŷ/gwraig tŷ. Are these still appropriate to use?

Thank you so much! I know you’re not the Welsh ambassador to the internet (or are you??) so I appreciate you being so generous with everyone 💛

I am, of course, 100% the Welsh ambassador to the internet. Or at least, I work in the Tumblr consulate. Ignore the people who say I'm just some random with airs and graces, they're just jealous and you're not to listen.

Okay, so:

1. Definite Articles and Placenames. It's not so much a thing you need to work out grammatically as it is just... part of the name. This sometimes happens in English too - Netherlands is an acceptable country name now, but originally it would have been the Netherlands, just because that's what the name meant. The lands that are low lying.

Welsh just has more country names than English that mean something like that, I think. Some are the same, e.g. (the) Netherlands/(yr) Iseldiroedd; that's a fairly one to one translation, in fact. Some are the same, but a bit more literal than the English has become; Switzerland (the Land of the Swiss) has lost the "the" in English by now, but in Welsh it still clings on as y Swistir.

And then sometimes, we have a very different word for somewhere, but it's no longer clear what the fossilised grammar was. I suppose the biggest example of that is Scotland - yr Alban. It's a bit lost to time, now, but 'Alban' has the same Old Irish root there as the word 'Albion'. Why the definite article? Unknown.

But, we do it for smaller places too, including cities. Welshpool's Welsh name is y Trallwng, which means, like, "the boggy pool", and I suppose it was once a notable enough bog that it was THE bog when giving directions, so the article stayed. This also spills over into Wenglish - the Hafod and the Gower in/around Swansea should both more correctly be Hafod and Gower, but at some point it was THE hafod when giving directions, and the Gower is the abbreviation of the Gower peninsula.

Anyway: TL;DR it's just part of the name, rather than a grammatical choice.

2. Translated Placenames. Part 1:

The short of it is, "Did enough English people settle there that they needed an English name/ the Welsh became Anglicised?" That's usually the rule. Sometimes this meant Anglicisation (Caerdydd-Cardiff), sometimes a ropey-to-exact translation (Penybont - Bridgend), and sometimes a completely new name (Abertawe - Swansea), depending on how easy the Welsh was to say and whether or not there was feature of note that the English focused on.

Occasionally, though, you get the opposite - Wrexham was Wrexham first, and got Cymricised to Wrecsam. It's a rare example of an English city we nicked, see. Founded by the Saxon house of Mercia, on land they'd nicked from north Wales, and then the Welsh reclaimed the area and went 'Ooh, nice city, was this here before?' It's possible it was first called Caer Fantell in Welsh, but it was Gwrexham by the 13th century, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Part 2: You use the name in the language you're speaking, UNLESS it is under active contention for some reason. The national parks are currently pushing to only be known by their Welsh names, for example, ditto a few of the mountains; so, Eryri instead of Snowdonia, Bannau Brycheiniog instead of Brecon Beacons, and yr Wyddfa instead of Snowdon. Also, in recent years they started inventing English language names for villages in Gwynedd for English tourists to feel more comfortable with, which has caused the outrage you'd expect; but those won't be coming up on Duolingo.

With that said, it's sometimes a Welsh Nash signal to only use the Welsh placenames even in English, so don't be surprised if you see people do it.

3. Appropriate words. Not sure what you mean by appropriate here, but I'm guessing you mean because they're gendered terms?

Welsh is a gendered language; that's how it works. In the modern day, there is a slide towards a lot of the old 'feminine' endings being dropped in favour of the masculine becoming used as a gender neutral term, but that's still under development; officially and formally, you still gender it.

I certainly prefer Not doing that. My first two graduate jobs were Conservation Officer and Conservation Manager; my preference was to use Swyddog Cadwraeth and Rheolwr Cadwraeth in Welsh. But others (usually older generations) would write Swyddoges Gadwraeth and Rheolwraig Gadwraeth sometimes, which I personally thought was a bit old fashioned and patronising.

But, I know middle aged women who prefer it, because it makes it clear that it's a woman doing the job. One person's oppression is another's liberation and all that. Also, cis though I am, I am admittedly not always comfortable with the strict trappings of gender, and that probably plays a part.

Bonus answer: dragons are the national animal and very much a symbol of identity, so that's just them being cute lol

Anyway! Thank you so much for trying to learn Welsh! Croeso a diolch.

#asks #wales!#closed for cleaning on mondays #linguistics

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dracophile · 3 days ago

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So, I think this is a FANTASTIC theory on a lot of levels and very likely in a lot of ways. But I will also say the sin of sloth isn't just laziness. The best way I can describe it is a combination of executive dysfunction stemming from fear and a loss of purpose of self. Yeah, didn't make sense when my teacher tried explaining it either, so let me elaborate as he (a monk at a less strict, open denomination catholic college with a thriving queer alliance. Yeah, I know. It was a class looking at religion in popular old novels like paradise lost and Dante's Inferno).

Most people think of sloth like they're lazy. They slow moving, take no initiative, living in a mess because they won't clean up, hate working, etc. Ask them to do something and they either outright ignore you or act like your causing them physical pain. And that is one side of sloth, but there is another, harsher side. And that is lack of motivation inside, or the wrong motivation.

He gave us an example of someone who is overconfident in themselves and what they've already accomplished, like a boss or manager who rose through the ranks and was once a model employee now just sitting in their office and pushing work onto their subordinates, even work they were supposed to do. They still put in "work" to seem like they're doing what they're supposed to be doing, and kiss up to their own bosses , and is out doing stuff so they're not just some couch potato. They just put in the work doing "fun" stuff to avoid doing the hard work, or taking the easiest route. It's self absorption--how to make your life easiest for you, uncaring of others. Sounds a lot like pride, yeah, but it's more about taking the easy road or easy way out than putting in any actual work anymore or doing a good job.

It could also be someone who may know they're wrong, or may know they're right, but they won't put in the work to prove it out of fear. The example there was someone who got really into art. Loved drawing and painting and thought they were really good. But then someone criticized them or they lost a competition and now they are too scared to to keep going. So they turn away and look for something easier to do. An abandonment of self, he called it. Again, looking for an easier road to a positive than dealing with the negative. Sometimes it just causes a gridlock and people end up not wanting to do anything, just kind of being pushed and pulled around with no self motivation.

In Christian Speak (the monk's actual words), Self-abandonment is "Becoming so caught up in fear that we walk away from the things our heart truly desires and bypass opportunities. This is important to fight against because abandonment of our hearts’ desires impacts the way that we view God. God has placed in each of us an identity and purpose. The moment we start letting those things go, we move away from God and find ourselves in darkness.

Self absorption is falling into these bad habits of avoiding work, this darkness, by believing the bare minimum effort is enough. In this place, we are not walking in thanksgiving for the life God gave us, nor are we truly trying to find our way back."

Many doctors put in the work to become a doctor not to help people, but because they saw it as a way to make money and live a good life. Or maybe it started out with good intentions, but they got tired of the long work hours and exhausting stuff they have to deal with. So once they think they've seen it all, they just diagnose after one visit. They don't listen beyond one point, they just assume its X, prescribe something, and go on to the next thing to get their day done.

Same with cops. Some cops do the bare minimum or take the easy way to try and get the accolades they want. Planting stuff, lying, refusing to look for other suspects because they're sure this one guy is the culprit so why put in more work?

I think this might be part of why they're there as well, but I think you are also right that Belphegor is maybe giving them more energy by sleeping for them. It'd be a fitting punishment that those looking to do easier work have to constantly work after all.

Ok- listen to me on this one.

I find it surprising how the authorities arresting I.M.P. were from the sloth ring (the candles). Considering the fact that sloth = lazy. I’d expect the authorities to be from the wrath or even envy ring.

What if- and this is just a theory..

What if, Belphegor is always sleepy because she sleeps for the sinners and inhabitants of the sloth ring.

Belphegor is a sheep. When you can’t sleep, what do you do? You try to count sheep to try and get some sleep. Maybe, what Belphegor does is to help her subjects, she helps sleep for them and in return her subjects aren’t ever sleepy and always energised to do their work. All the energy she gains from sleeping, she gives it to her people so they dont require to sleep. But of course, this takes a toll on her because now she’s always sleepy.

I know, not alot of proof to go around this theory. But look at this guy,

He looks like some kind of anger therapist for Satan. He’s definitely from the sloth ring (the candle). And look back in S2 E4,

The guys are also from the sloth ring (the candles). Seems like all medicine/drugs comes from the sloth ring. And for a ring where you’re supposed to be demotivated or lazy, they do ALOT of work. From careers such as a therapist or an officer, these jobs require ALOT of energy. Some even time consuming.

And Belphegor seems to sleep ALOT compare to her own sinners/inhabitants in sloth. Thats why it got me thinking, how can her own people do all these jobs and yet Belphegor herself cant get through a trial without falling in and out of sleep? It makes you ponder.. why would she do that to herself?

Maybe because, her ring is at the lowest in the hierarchy. Its isn’t the most deadliest sin like pride or wrath. I also think she fears her ring might fall behind the other rings because her people will be too lazy to get anything done. So to avoid any mockery from the other Deadly Sins, she decides to give them energy by sleeping for them. It doesn’t matter is she’s oversleeping or not present when a meeting is being held, as long as her ring is prosperous, she’s sleeping peacefully.

I feel like the downside to all this is that, the sloth ring is ALWAYS awake. Nobody sleeps which means sinners and inhabitants are always finding something to do. Which is why her ring ends up being the ring with the best medicine/drugs, hospitals and maybe even security service.

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hoonieyun · 10 hours ago

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this is where it ends ⋆˙⟡♡

days of dodging your boyfriend after your fight finally lead you to the answer you've been looking for (read part one here) heeseung 𐐪♡𐑂 jongseong 𐐪♡𐑂 jaeyun 𐐪♡𐑂 sunghoon genre: aaaaangsttttt!!! angst!! heartbreak.. OOF warnings: toxic relationship, bad coping mechanisms, profanity, mentions of drinking as an addiction, gaslighting, arguing, 18+

hoonieyun notes: WHEW... lowkey was like.. damn this shit is TOO angsty so sorry in advance but im obsessed with angst lately and watching xo kitty did not help because that show was a rollercoaster LMAO anyways i hope you guys enjoy this sad piece of work because i have more coming with my vday anthology and exes reunited series plus! i've just announced my 1k follower special!

𐐪♡𐑂 @pagemiah @jiiyen @jnysaln @xh01bri @rairaiblog @laurradoesloveu @17ericas @manaah02 @heeseung64 @zorange13 @heartheejake @cloud-lyy @heeweenie @jakesimfromstatefarm @lovelymelon @1-itsneverthatserious-1 @anushkaaaiaiiaiaia

@chvconn3 @heeheeyeoiizz01 @pjselee @malloryaloisia @alienqbrain @jooniesbears-blog @haeeeeefer @firstclassjaylee

heeseung ⋆˚ʚɞ

it had been 3 days since you left heeseung standing in your apartment, dumbfounded and unsure of where you were. you really had hoped he would run after you that night but he didn’t and that seemed to put the nail in the coffin for you.

were you ready to throw away your relationship all because of this?

was it worth it to lose the person you love?

you had pondered on so many questions since that night and each question felt like you were guilt tripping yourself into thinking that your own feelings weren’t valid, like you were trying to convince yourself that you were overreacting and that heeseung was right.

why were you being so annoying?

but these questions only led to more questions instead of answers.

were you being annoying or were you just tired of not being heard?

if you hadn’t been the one to constantly ask him to clean up after himself would he have done it on his own?

why were you trying to come up with reasons to talk yourself back into his arms when you truly knew deep down the answer you were looking for…

you just weren’t ready to come to terms with it.

so here you were, hurriedly packing what you could before heeseung could come home. and just to your luck, he had arrived much earlier than you anticipated. “yn?” heeseungs says, shock painted across his face as he sees you standing in the hallway with a box of your things.

“wh- what are you doing?” he asks, eyes falling on the box in your hands.

both of you knew the answer to that.

“i think- i can’t do this anymore, hee…

i did a lot of thinking these past fews days and everything i thought of i found myself trying to make excuses for you. trying to figure out why i was acting this way and why i was going out of my way to make it seem like i was the one causing these issues and stressing myself out and then i realized…

why was i trying to compromise my own happiness and well being for someone who didn’t care about me?

for someone who couldn’t simply understand where i was coming from and couldn’t even listen to me when all i would ask for was something so easy as to clean up after yourself.

heeseung, you’re grown and so am i and i’m done acting like your words and actions don’t hurt solely for the fact that i don’t want to lose you.

we’re over.” your eyes had tears pooling in them but you refused to let them fall in front of heeseung.

“what?” heeseung asks, slipping his shoes off and running over to you in an attempt to stop you, reaching for the box but you move out of the way before he can.

“yn.. can we please talk about this? don’t jump to conclusions just because you’re hurt. this isn’t what you want, what about us?

are you willing to throw us away because of some petty fight?” and that’s when you knew that you and heeseung weren’t on the same page… at all.

“that’s what you have to say?” and at this point you had lost the fight to stop the tears from falling.

“you haven’t even apologized? and now you’re here trying to gaslight me into thinking that what i’m feeling is just the result of a petty fight?

hee, you never listen to me. you dismissed my feelings and all i asked was you clean up our bedroom because i was tired. i’m sorry but if that was such a hard task then i don’t know what to tell you.

i’m not jumping to conclusions. heeseung, we’re done.” you say, pushing passed him so you could leave and move on. start new and heal from this pain.

“really? you’re just going to walk away?” heeseung asks, still refusing to take accountability for his actions.

“i’m not walking away… you pushed me away.”

“bye, heeseung.”

jongseong ⋆˚ʚɞ

jay hadn’t been able to pick up a bottle of alcohol since that night… 5 months ago. he hadn’t realized he developed a bad habit of drinking all because he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that his loving girlfriend, the one who took care of him, who loved him, who fought for him to make things right, was slowly becoming someone he didn’t love anymore.

so why was it that now that you two were broken up, he wants nothing more to get back together with you?

he thought about the day you finally came back. after you ran out in the middle of the night jay didn’t see you for a whole week and by the end of that week, you would be gone for good.

“is this what you really want?” jay had asked you right before you left.

“its not what i want… but it doesn’t seem like what i want would be something that could ever happen if i stayed with you.

you hurt me, jay. all i ever did was care for you and love you and it made me realize i hadn’t felt care or love from you for a while now.

i truly hope that you get help for your drinking problem but i’m sorry i’m not going to be the one to fix it for you.” and with that you were gone. out of jay’s life and although you had said that you weren’t going to be the one to fix his drinking problem, in a lot of ways; you did fix it.

he hadn’t drank since that night and vowed to himself that he wouldn’t drink ever again and 5 months after, he’s kept that promise.

jay wished that he did keep his promise to you.

when he finally asked you to be his girlfriend, he had promised to hold your heart close to his and to never break it. only to find himself distancing his heart from yours and eventually shattering it into millions of pieces when you got into a fight that night.

but he was now forced to face all of this all over again as you stood in front of him, mirroring the same shocked face he had as the two of you run into each other at a mutual friends party.

you hadn’t seen jay since that night and although your heart ached for him, you had to choose yourself. you couldn’t stand being with someone who saw you as overbearing when all you did was care for and love them.

you truly had been worried about jay ever since his drinking habits had gone worse and maybe you could’ve gone about it a better way and not made him feel attacked for his actions but he didn’t have the same consideration for you so why should you do the same… right?

“h-hi.. yn. you look good.” jay stutters.

“you do too, um.. i–” you begin to say but he cuts you off. “look, i know we didn’t end on the right foot and these past five months have been hard for me so i could only imagine how hard they’ve been on you.

i wasn’t right to treat you that way and i’m sorry i’m only realizing it now. i miss you so much and i spend countless nights thinking about you. reminiscing on the good times and how i let myself ruin all of it.

i’m sorry, yn.” it all comes out like word vomit and quite frankly, you weren’t prepared to hear any of it. you also hadn’t expected him to have this much of grasp on your relationship five months after, but it was all too late.

“i’m sorry too, jay– but i can’t keep doing this. i think you need to move on. i know i will…” you muttered.

“for what it’s worth… you did help me… i’m five months sober.” he confesses and you give him a tight lipped smile.

“take care of yourself, ok?” you say before turning around to leave and although jay wished that he could’ve said all of this five months sooner in hopes that it would’ve fixed your relationship, he respects your wishes and just hopes that the next guy who comes around would love you the way you deserved to be loved.

jaeyun ⋆˚ʚɞ

in the time you’ve dated jake or quite frankly, anyone, they had never raised their voice and spoke to you in that way. jake seemed so angry and upset that it scared you. you knew that jake would never hurt you but his words pierced your heart in ways that caused you pain you had never felt before, especially from someone you love and was supposed to love you.

it always hurts more when it comes from someone you love right?

you had come home the next day and found jake sleeping on the couch, hugging the plushy that he often said looked like you.

you’d be lying if you said that seeing him like this didn’t make your heart hurt… but it did.

it seemed like jake had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for you but you couldn’t shake the feeling.

the feeling of being unwanted, unloved, undesirable, and not enough for someone who is supposed to love you.

but if jake had loved you he wouldn’t have raised his voice at you.. let alone speak to you in that tone and used language that was meant to hurt someone.

“yn? is that you?” he says, stretching on the couch and rubbing his eyes, causing you to snap out of it. you quickly wipe away the tears that had miraculously appeared. “um, yeah. i just came to grab some things. you can go back to sleeping..” you explained as you made your way to your shared bedroom.

“baby? can we talk?” jake says, peering into the room as he sees you packing your things inside of duffel bag. “wait- what are you packing? are you leaving? baby, please don’t do this, can we talk this out?” he was now on his knees in front of you, clutching onto your sweater while he begged.

“jake, get up.” you say, rolling your eyes at him.

“its just for a few days, i need time to myself- i need to think, ok?” you said and even now, even when you’re still hurting because of him from the night before, you were here trying to comfort him.

jake stands up with a sniffle and he attempts to link your hands together but you pull away to continue packing your bag. “when are we going to talk about this? i love you, i don’t want you to leave… please stay.” he continues to beg and although its working, you needed to stay strong.

“if you loved me you wouldn’t have spoken to me like that. people who love each other don’t speak to people they love that way.

jake, you hurt me… and i don’t know what i did to deserve that treatment but i just wanted help. i spent all day running errands despite feeling like shit because of my period and you dismissed my feelings like it was nothing.

that blanket meant so much to me, you knew that it was from my late grandmother yet you tossed it aside for your own accord because you didn’t have the same care for me and the things i love the way i do for you.” you said with a huff as you stuffed the last of your things into the bag.

“when will you come back?” was all jake asked and all you could muster up was a shrug, because you weren’t entirely sure when you would be back.

needless to say, a few days turned into a few weeks, and a few weeks turned into a few months and at some point you found yourself not having the need to come back.

you wished you could get the closure you wanted from jake and you were sure he also wanted that, but walking away was something you needed to do. even if it was just one instance where jake spoke to you that way, it was enough for you to leave because you weren’t going to allow yourself to be with someone who found it in themselves to speak that way to someone they supposedly loved.

not then, not now, and not ever.

sunghoon ⋆˚ʚɞ

sunghoon hadn’t known what he was doing, it was like his body was moving before his brain could think because he was running back inside and grabbing his car keys to drive after you.

he wasn’t sure where you were headed off to but he had guessed that you were most likely going to stay with your mom. you were always close with your mom and she often was the person you went to when you were having troubles if you didn’t go to sunghoon.

sunghoon knew he fucked up and he shouldn’t have treated you that way let alone let some strangers treat you that way. he didn’t know what let him get to the point where he was allowing these men to speak about you, the girl that he loved, in a way that made you feel small. demeaning and degrading you in a way that he hadn’t realized and even if he did, he chose to look away instead of defend you all because he was filled with the greed of wanting this promotion.

was it even worth it anymore if it meant losing you?

sunghoon was speeding at this point and although you hadn’t left much before he had went to follow you, there was no one else in the streets as he sped through to catch up to you.

in a short amount of time, he’s turning into the street that your mom lives on and sure enough, he sees you just about to walk up to the front door. he hapazardly parks the car on the side of the street and stumbles out of his car to get to you.

“yn, please. wait, lets talk about this!” he says and you’re startled at sunghoon suddenly appearing and you wipe the tears from your face and blink a few times to make sure he was actually there.

“hoon? what are you doing here?” you ask, stepping down the small stairway that led to your mom’s home. “i couldn’t just let you leave like that, we need to talk-

look i’m sorry for the way i treated you and even more sorry that i let them treat you that way. i love you so much and i couldn’t imagine the amount of hurt i caused you for making it seem like i was okay with letting them say those things about you all because i wanted that promotion so damn bad.

i was selfish and greedy but those are the things that make me want you more. i don’t want you to leave and walk away from me because i am selfish and greedy and i want you all to myself.

i’m sorry that i didn’t defend you and i made you feel small…” he says and at this point sunghoon is crying. his voice breaks with every other word and you truly hadn’t seen sunghoon in this much distress, ever.

you didn’t know how to respond but the longer you looked into sunghoon’s bloodshot eyes, the more confused you became.

you could tell sunghoon was sincere but you didn’t think this was something that could be fixed right then and there. your sensitivity was always something you struggled with and sunghoon knew that yet he brushed off your feelings like it was nothing.

“you shouldn’t have driven out all this way…

because although i appreciate your apology i don’t know that i’m in the right place to accept it or to forgive you.

sunghoon you hurt me and you let others hurt me.

i’m selfish too, i want you all to myself too and i wouldn’t have stayed so long if i didn’t love you and want to be with you… but-

i don’t know if i can be with someone that doesn’t see me in the way i deserve.

and i certainly know i don’t deserve any of that.” both of your attention is drawn to the sound of the front door as it opens, revealing your mother in her nightwear and arms crossed; a displeased expression on her face.

“i’ll reach out to you when i’m ready.” you say and without another word you’re retreating into your mom’s home, hiding away from sunghoon and preparing yourself to have to face the inevitable one day.

sunghoon on the other hand, drags himself to his car, head hanging low as he has to come to terms that his own selfishness and greed for the one he loved was also what caused him to lose the love of his life.

copyright 2025 - present © hoonieyun all rights reserved all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned. if you enjoyed reading this please consider reblogging and following <3

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violetflowers55 · 2 days ago

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Just finished your fanfic on Ao3. And now I’m lost with what to do with myself 😭 Could I please get a Dr Phosphorus with a reader thats super affectionate, just really wants to be near him. Like they’re always trying to find way around his radioactivity, wearing gloves so they can hold his hand etc.

i really loved this idea!!! sorry it took me so long i’ve been sick for like a week 😭 but i didn’t forget! i wanted to keep it short and fluffy <3 also made reader gender neutral. hopefully you enjoy!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey! You can’t be back here!”

The intimates who worked in the kitchen all stared at you, angered you’d disturbed them. You slightly tilted your head, looking up at the head chef through your lashes.

“I’m sorry, I know, I just really need to borrow those,” you cooed, pointing to a pair of oven mitts, “please?”

The hulking monster grumbled, but handed them over to you. You giggled to yourself. Waller might’ve been able to inhibit some of your powers, but she couldn’t inhibit good old fashion charm.

Later that day, you snuck into the medical wing. You waited until the techs left the radiology room, then darted inside to grab one of their protective aprons. It was a lot heavier and bulkier than you expected, making it difficult for you to hid it in your shirt. The sound of footsteps carried down the hall and in a panic, you arranged it to look like a pregnant belly. One of the techs returned and stood in the doorway, staring at you with a blank face.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I think I got lost on my way to delivery?”

Still staring, he held out his hand and pointed down the hall. You thanked him and shuffled out, holding your “belly” to really sell it. Charm worked again.

Finally, night came. The lights shut off with a clang, and the guards left for the time being. Inconspicuously, you walked around your room, acting like you were stretching, until you landed underneath the camera in your room. You rubbed your hands together, forming an electric shock you then targeted at the camera. Then, you did the same for your inhibitor collar. It was such a minor power most people didn’t know you had it, which is why your collar didn’t stop it. Once you were free of your collar, you grabbed all your supplies and phase shifted through the walls, searching for one specific cell.

He jumped when he finally noticed you in his cell. His green glow illuminated your figure in the darkness. You put a finger to your lips before reaching up and zapping the camera in his room.

“What the hell are you doing here? How the hell are you here?” he asked. You smiled and sidled over him.

“I figured out how to touch you,” you said in a coy voice, trying to smoothly adorn your oven mitts and protective apron. He barked a laugh at your ridiculous getup, but opened the blankets up to you.

“You sure that’ll work?”

“No,” you replied, sliding into his bed, “but I don’t care.”

You wrapped yourself around him, making yourself comfortable on his chest. Even through the gloves and apron, you could feel the heat radiating off him. It warmed you to your core.

“Aren’t you determined,” he chuckled, amused by your antics.

“Mm, very,” you murmured.

You could faintly feel his heartbeat underneath your head. His arms held you close to him, carefully avoiding your bare skin. He wouldn’t admit it, but he loved feeling you in his arms, almost as much as he loved how much effort you put in to make it possible. You wiggled even closer; it felt like you couldn’t get close enough to him. You had been deprived of touch for so long and all you wanted was more.

Eventually, you found a position that felt sufficiently close enough to him. He held you close to his chest, also desperate for your touch. The two of you breathed in tandem, drifting off into blissful sleep.

#creature commandos #creature commandos fanfic #dr phosphorus #dr. phosphorus fanfic #dr. phosphorus x reader #dr phosphorus x reader #x reader creature commandos #dr. phosphorus #fanfic #dcu

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genderqueerdykes · 13 hours ago

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I am a trans man who abandoned my previous account because i needed to leave the community.

The trauma and self hatred runs so deep that despite it being months i still can't think of my masculinity as anything other than wrong. Not just that, but leaving made me happier. Not having community made me happier. Think about that.

At least now I can see i deserve better. But it's hard knowing that my love and support was so summarily rejected by the transfems on this site.

i'm really sorry you've had to go through this, anon. you shouldn't have to do that

the thing is people don't realize that while this online fighting is pointless, it does hurt people. and it can cause genuine trauma because it IS abuse. abuse doesn't have to occur in person to be legitimate. a lot of acts of abuse and violence can be committed remotely with modern technology. basically anywhere people can interact, abuse can happen. this is actually hurting and scarring people in real ways and we need to acknowledge this

Not just that, but leaving made me happier. Not having community made me happier. Think about that.

the fucked up thing is i feel the exact same way. i interact with community on here in order to educate but outside of this, i currently do not interact with the queer community. once im off this blog, i'm not really interacting with queer community, i will talk to my queer friends and engage in my own queerness, but i am not thinking about the community for the vast majority of my day. i'm not interested in trying to casually go to a trans space and be misgendered all the time.

i immersed myself in my local punk community last year and all that happened to me was that i got a lot of hollow compliments, condescended to, talked over, fetishized, treated as a sex object, descriminated against, had people stop respecting me the instant they found out i was a trans man, had people try to tranny chase me for being a trans man with a vagina, got called too whiny and emotional, got accused of hating trans women because i'm a transmasc lesbian, got mocked for not having a penis, watched my roommate treat me with annoyance that wasn't there prior, felt alienated in my own home, and just in general felt ashamed that i wasn't an amab trans woman, because those were the only trans people who hung out there for any substantial amount of time

the transmascs and trans men never hung around for too long. the majority of the trans punks who showed up were transfem. like. almost all of them. it was rare to find another transmasc, and i can work a crowd, i don't feel scared or uncomfortable in crowds, so i will talk to just about anyone who acknowledges my presence. i met so many transfem punks that i've lost count, and about 3 or 4 transmascs. it frustrated me and took a while for me to realize why. that place was deeply transandrophobic. the regulars did not treat transmascs with kindness. i was actually sexually assaulted by one of the transfems there multiple times, and had another that was trying to come on to me because i have to do stretches for my lower back or else it locks up, and she saw this as an invitation for sex. my ex gf started treating me completely differently the second she discovered i didn't have a penis, to the point of actually progressing to yelling at me for being too whiny and emotional. the cis gay men that were there would talk about how breasts and vaginas were gross because they were gay men right next to me.

after leaving that community i feel so much better. i'm basically on my own, i don't mind it, that's how i like to live my life as a schizophrenic person, but outside of the way i interact with the community as someone who participates in education and activism, i don't really interact with queer communities. i'm tired of being harassed, targeted, insulted, misgendered, sexualized, and getting sexually assaulted.

this is the really sad truth right now. transmascs and trans men in particular usually live outside of queer communities. we are so alienated. that's the entire reason people think we don't exist. it's because so many people will not let us exist inside of queer spaces, so we have to live elsewhere. so many trans men end up having to have mostly cishet friends to avoid drama and harassment. it's not that we don't exist- it's that a lot of people just will not let us take up space in queer communities long enough for people to see how many of us there are. there are a lot of us, but we aren't being allowed to exist inside of queer spaces, so people trick themselves into thinking we're not real trans people

you do deserve better. i hope in time the trans community learns to treat trans men better. you don't deserve to have to alienate yourself like that, but that's just how things are right now. take care of yourself. you're important even if people don't want you to feel like you are.

#asks #answers #transmasc #transmasculine #trans man #trans men

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rereisstuff · 1 day ago

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RUN DEVIL RUN !

summary: you been crushing on Mingyu since you saw him in the ‘Crush’ stage and he was crushing since…now.

pairing: dksister!idol!reader x idol! Mingyu

note: sooo run devil run is from a different band and 3gen and miss reader sings Jessica and Taeyeon’s lines.

Lee Seokmin loved his family, like all members do, so normally he was jumping around as his little sister performed last in inkygayo.

he had everyone watching the tv on the waiting room.

“that’s her!” he squealed manhandling Dino who was by his side.

and then Mingyu lost breath.

When I become more amazing

You'll pay me back, don't forget

as you sang loudly and sexy there was a lot of things going through his mind just there and then:

1. how come you didn’t reassemble your brother, just in the way you busted your lungs as him.

2. HOW HE NEVER NOTICED YOU.

“she used to have that emo fringe and was emo in general” DK answer to Seungkwan who inquired why he didn’t remembered her from any of the tours or other events with family.

the stage was over and soon voices could be heard from the hall and Dokyeom looked like a jumping ball.

a knock was heard and your brother rushed to open, finding you and your bandmates, using the opportunity as your brother suffocated you, Mingyu ran to the snack table but so did Jun.

“and what the hell you think you’re doing?”Jun whispered loudly and confused as he smacked Mingyu’s hand away from the last sandwich on the table.

“i’m asking Dokyeom’s sister out and you’re ruining it hyung” Mingyu muttered stressing the honorific as he tried to steal the sandwich from the others hand, failing miserably.

“i’m saving you, if it doesn’t work Seokmin would hate you” Jun started writing something on the napkin he was putting on the sandwich “thats why i should be the one asking that other girl with blue hair” he pointed at one of your bandmates.

Seventeen had your band sitting and talking about music and stuff, while Mingyu keep fighting for the damn sandwich.

Dokyeom didn’t seemed to find his best friend close so he started looking and suddenly found him, walking closer.

“i need the sandwich so Dokyeom doesn’t find out i’m interested in his sister!” Mingyu seemed to have lost his mind and was almost yelling at Jun.

Dokyeom heard it, screamed and giggled in silence and ran back to you dragging you out of the talk just to throw you in front of Mingyu and then dragging Jun out of there.

“you don’t need the sandwich!” he yelled as he left.

“so, nice to meet you, i’m Kim Mingyu” he looked like he was trying to make himself smaller as he extended his hand towards you.

“i know who you are Kim Mingyu” you laughed shaking his hand “i’m Seokmin’s sister”.

he laughed and you couldn’t help to sigh at the view, and just then…

“would you like to go out to drink something?”

“would you like to eat sometime?”

“it’s a date!” Seokmin popped out of nowhere.

#idol au #kpop idol #svt fanfic #svt x reader #svt imagines #kim mingyu

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morganski-19 · 3 days ago

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I wanna talk about Buck and his name, so here is my rant.

Buck prefers to be called Buck. That's the main point. That's pretty much the end of the conversation. It's very clear from the narrative in season 4, and his constant correction of his parents, that he wants to be called Buck and not Evan. He doesn't like being called by his legal first name, he doesn't resonate with it anymore.

Why is this so important, for a lot of reasons. Preferred names are as simple as "I want to be called this, so please call me this." It's a basic sign of respect, and how you respect a person through the way they want to be called and identified. It's the same as Bobby being called that instead of Robert, Eddie being called that instead of Edmundo, Hen being called that instead of Henrietta, and so on.

So why are there still conversations around Buck and his want to be called that instead of Evan? I know why, but for the sake of amicability, I won't mention it. What I will mention, are the two people that are allowed to call Buck Evan, and why those make sense.

The first and most important one is Maddie. She, very early on in the show, for the most part, called Buck Evan pretty interchangeably. This is for a few reasons. One, she is getting used to the name change, and anyone who has gone through that change can tell you that they make mistakes along the way. Two, she still likes calling him Evan, because it's her little brother's name. When she called/calls him Evan, there isn't any malice behind it. She was the only person to love him through and through since the day he was born, therefore, she gets Evan rights. I know many people, whether they are cis and go by a nickname or trans, that let people they love call them by their assigned name simply because they love them, and know they are loved in return (this isn't always the case but just a point I wanted to make). There isn't malice, just love. That is why Maddie can call him Evan.

Now, Eddie. Eddie's use of Evan is one of the most talked about things especially when it comes to the buddie community. But I'm going to talk about why Eddie doesn't necessarily get Evan privileges the way Maddie does, and how I don't think he will use it often, or at all, in the future.

Eddie called Buck Evan for two reasons. One was to get his attention and to call Buck out of his mental spiral. Eddie knew that Buck was spiraling, and the unnaturalness of Eddie calling Buck by his first name would pull him into the moment. The second was for the narrative purpose of showing the audience that Eddie knew Buck more than anyone else, which was especially important for Buck's story for the season, and that episode alone. There were three moments that I can think of where Buck's reckless actions were misunderstood, strictly from season 4. When his mother was yelling at him in the flashback when he crashed his bike, when Taylor yelled at him for climbing up the construction rig where there was no protection, and when Bobby questioned said that it wasn't Buck's fault Eddie got shot. None of these things properly explained why Buck did those things. He knows he's not indestructible, invincible, or at fault for Eddie getting shot. That doesn't matter to him. All he can think about is how it wouldn't matter if he died or was the one who got shot because he believed to his core that he is expendable. That his presence in other people's lives isn't enough, and that he will always be the outlier that is able to be lost.

It isn't true, but it's what he believes. And only one person understands that. Eddie.

So when Eddie called Buck Evan, it was to negate everything that was swirling around in Buck's mind. It was a statement of "I know you, I see you, I understand you, and I love you."

Other than in that moment, Eddie never calls Buck Evan. Simply for what I already said. He knows Buck, sees him, understands him, and loves him.

To repeat what I said up at the top, Buck asking people to call him Buck is a simple preference and sign of respect. Other than Maddie and Eddie, everyone else in his life respects that. The people who don't call Buck Buck, don't fully respect or understand him. It's as simple as that.

#morgan rambles #i'm very passionate about this #clearly #morgan's thoughts #911 on abc #911 abc #911 thoughts #evan buck buckely #eddie diaz #maddie buckley #buddie #anti bucktommy #just for protection

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thrashkink-coven · 3 days ago

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People ask me all the time why I’m not a Christian. Why would I possibly be pagan? I claim to know all this stuff about the Bible but I somehow don’t subscribe to it? Do I not believe in Jesus’ teachings?

You wanna know the real reason why I personally feel compelled to not be a Christian? It’s not because I disagree with certain laws or think that Jesus didn’t have any valuable teachings. Despite my differences in opinion on morality, things like being lgbtq, the role of a woman, the importance of witchcraft etc, I could get over all that nitpicky stuff if I felt truly inspired by the story.

There are only two real reasons why I don’t subscribe to the Christian doctrine

1. Return to a perfect past

I find it hard to conceptualize a God that refers to his people as his slaves and servants, I have a lot to say about the doctrine that is supremacy, which lays the foundation for Christian theology, but beyond that, this idea of “God is all good and the only reason anything negative ever happens is because Satan brought death and sin into the world” is actually a very interesting idea to me. Like no, evil and death isn’t natural at all you’re just so used to living in an evil world that you can no longer recognize the original creation. God tells us to turn away from the world because the world is no longer his perfect creation but an amalgamation of his creation with the evil of Satan and man.

I like this idea, but I also think it’s incredibly flawed. It’s typical for many religions to glamorize the ancient past, and believe that there is a perfect beginning.

I think about when my bf buys me roses, I immediately hang them out to dry and let them die. Somehow they seem more beautiful to me that way, in an eternal state of dead perfection, wilted and faded, but somehow still alive in some way. Death doesn’t do us part, I can appreciate them forever though death and beyond. I think about moldy bread, how disgusted it makes me, but how fascinating it is to view up close when you actually pay attention.

In a pre-sin/death world, dead, dried roses and moldy bread wouldn’t be a thing. Is a world without death perfect? Is eternal life greater than eternity in death? Is a painless world perfect to a masochist?

I think that ancient peoples romanticized the past for the same reason we do, they weren’t there. Somehow, it’s more comfortable to believe we fucked up somewhere along the way, and if we could just figure out what it was, we could return to that state of perfection.

One of my favourite stories is Paradise Lost. Within it, when Adam and Eve are banished from the garden of eden, there is a very powerful exchange between the two, wherein Adam says to Eve, despite our sins and the wickedness of the world, I will still love you. You are still the queen of eden to me. We still have each other. The true testament of love is being able to love even in the face of adversity.

Although tragic, I believe this is what humanity has always been doing. Perhaps we didn’t come from a perfect beginning, perhaps we crawled our way to the top of the evolutionary ladder with white knuckles. Perhaps the world has always been perfectly imperfect, and we have still managed to find this divine love along the way. I don’t see the point in desperately trying to go backwards, when these experiences have only made us stronger. The tragedy is the acceptance of cause and effect. Is suffering a perfect invention because liberation was born from it? Christianity says it’s not, that the cost of human suffering was not worth whatever we gained, that satan made an unnecessary and frivolous mistake. I struggle to conceptualize world in which the entirety of human history as it has played out has been a cosmological mistake.

I believe that we are children finding our way, slowly, very fucking slowly, but surely.

and this leads into my second reason.

I honestly don’t really have anything against Jesus Christ. In my mind he is an entirely neutral character, not because I don’t believe in his existence, but because if I believe he is real, I pity him more than anything else.

In my opinion, Jesus Christ’s sacrifice, though a very beautiful and interesting philosophical idea, did not save humanity, and did not set us free. It didn’t save the world and it does not provide us with the tools to save the world.

Within the Christian theology, no man can get to God except through Christ. This is because Jesus died for our sins, he payed the price so we could see salvation. God so loved the world that he gave his only son, so that all those who believe in him may have eternal life. Christianity fundamentally operates on the idea that the sacrifice of the most pure, most innocent, is the necessary price to pay for the salvation of everyone. To deliver humanity from sin, the most virtuous human had to be sacrificed. Humanity had to essentially spiritually cannibalize itself, eat the body and drink the blood of Jesus to be cleansed. And I honestly, absolutely despise that idea.

I say I pity Jesus, not only because of the way his legacy has been bastardized and fetishized on a global scale, (Jesus was God but he was also a human, at one time he was a child. Imagine being a 10 year old Jesus and knowing the implications of your existence) but also because I don’t think his sacrifice saved the world, I don’t think it saved me. Spiritual salvation is a plan to bail everyone out after they die, after revelations. There is no plan to save this world because at least theologically, God does not have faith in humanity to save this world. Jesus’ plan is an escape plan, one that comes to save all the righteous while the wicked burn for eternity.

I disagree, and maybe it’s my naivety. I believe that we can save this world, not by casting out the wicked, but by collectively doing the basic human fundamental, just loving each other. The key to save the world has always been simple. Love has never been a popular movement. Every conflict in all of humanity would be resolved if we all saw each other as kin. Disentangling the systems of oppression and supremacy that have always rotten the world. That means fighting evil, that means tragedy and violence. But just as we have taught ourselves many doctrines over the centuries, I believe, or hope, with enough time, we can teach ourselves a doctrine of love and empathy. I believe most humans are capable of this. And I believe that we can have extra humanity to handle and disarm those that can’t.

“but Jesus tried to do that and humans killed him!”

They killed Huey P. Newton too. We keep on fighting. Not because we want to be assured in death that we are good people. But because, if there is a chance for a world in which children can sleep on fields of grass and the words “war” and “hunger” are ancient memories, where trees whose names I know can grow as tall as the heavens and water is always clean, then I will fight my hardest to push the world towards that future. And if I die before I see it, then I hope you keep on pushing for me. That is the love that humanity has for itself, and there is no God that can do that for us.

The Bible says that God so loved the world that he gave his only son. I wish that God so loved the world that he came to fight alongside all his children, and didn’t give up until he had finally touched the heart of every human, made them understand the value of this world, the world we have right now, and the life we have right now before it is engulfed in flames. You, all powerful God, could not change the hearts of men? Because they refused you? Because they, in their ignorance, embraced the world that birthed them, and not the stranger that abandoned it? Shook it up and started over, again, because the mess was too ugly to clean up? I don’t believe you.

There are multiple times in the Bible where it says that humans are evil, and I simply don’t believe it. People are born with mental disorders and acclimate to trauma, but I do not believe that people are born evil, and I don’t believe in a God who lets his children burn. Whether that be in a fiery Hell or in the dark separation from light.

It is only through knowledge that we have disabled these beliefs in evil people. You aren’t possessed by demons, you have BPD. You’re not evil, you have autism. We can understand each other if we only take the time to try. And understanding is the one thing that humanity has always craved.

We are children, we are born without understanding and come to know the world as it interacts with us. We have the infinite potential to learn and that’s what makes us so special as a species. Humans, these insatiably curious creatures who will not stop until they have seen every star, turned over every rock, and documented every crevice of the ocean floor. What better creature to inhabit the earth, and who else to save it?

If Jesus died for my sins, thanks. I didn’t ask you to do that, and I’m not going to depend on it. If there truly is a God that is good, then I will prove myself to him though my actions and love towards his creation. And if he deduces that I am evil, I will not use the shedded blood of the innocent to rectify myself. I’m sick in dealing in blood, I don’t have to think in the same terms as a War God.

Idk, maybe that’s just the Luciferian in me.

#luciferism #lucifer #lucifer devotee #lucifer deity #theistic luciferianism #theistic satanism #satanism #pagan #paganism #witchcraft #demonolatry #thoughts #witchblr #luciferian witch #religion #christianity #religious trauma #theology #jesus

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icyfox62 · 2 days ago

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The sad thing is, while I get this is a comparison, at this point, I also understand a lot of words really just don’t feel safe in the hands of a lot of people. Especially after watching so many people, mainly on TikTok, imagine themselves in/put themselves through the wringer for clout.

TBF, it’s not that anyone officially “owns” the word. It’s that so many people using the word genuinely believe themselves to have lost everything. And no, I’m not saying this to down people that just lost their livelihoods.

I’m talking about the people so dependent on being constantly feed content that they feel they can’t function without it. This addiction to fast trends and letting your life run on autopilot paths designed by an algorithm, especially TikTok, is not normal. I understand TikTok and rednote don’t operate completely the same. However, considering that this highly emotionally charged behavior and comparisons are coming from people on an app notorious for word censorship (grape and k1ll) while also having your status (if that’s what you care about) potentially rely heavily on increasingly extreme and/or unique scenarios, it’s not shocking to see so many use emotionally heavy words. The extremes on TikTok are part of what fueled the app.

And all of this is without addressing the multiple elephants in the room.

That fact that so many easily found RedNote (despite not knowing the most commonly used language on the app) through the same algorithms that tell them what’s the next topic to fawn over or hate.

The number of people that have already developed a cult-like worship of RedNote (despite the fact that the original, non-american users are trying to warn them. These same original users also ironically being silenced by the new american users of all people). Seriously, if you like the app, fine. I can’t stop anyone from doing what they want. But so many people are so dedicated to it already despite only being on it for a few days max. Exercise some healthy suspicion at least a little. Don’t throw all of your cards on the table when the game just began.

The idolization of Asian people and culture as a trend is deeply disturbing. There’s been this narrative that sinophobia is the only reason people are not using rednote. Which is ironic and sad when you remember the same people praising rednote and Asian culture now were quite often bullying asians in the us for their lunches in school, their accents, their appearance. A lot of these people are the same ones that told Asians to go back to China (despite all Asians not being Chinese). Some many people don’t seem to realize or care that just like in the us, there is a glamorized image that is usually being presented first. The people and images encountered on this app, especially in the first few months, are heavily biased even form people with the best intentions. No, everything in china is not better just like everything in the us isn’t great either.

The fact that so many people are comfortable with an app that’s censoring whole topics that they don’t care to exercise caution on or even know about as they are receiving the attention they’ve being craving. Let’s be honest, they’re extremely lucky that no one has blatantly tried to take advantage of their gullibility yet.

The fact that this is another incident of “I hate my country and instead of doing something to improve it, I’ll not only bash it, I’ll jump to the opposite end of the spectrum.” Listen, Chinese people aren’t your enemy. But running headfirst into another app from a country that puts up firewalls and heavily censors its own citizens is not the solution to your problems you think it is. TikTok and douyin are separated despite being from the same parent company. Ever stop to think why? Or realize that if TikTok can be set aside for non Chinese citizens, couldn’t a similar split happen to rednote.

The way americans use such heavy word as "refugee" when talking about switching from TikTok to RedNote drives me mad. You just switched from one brainrot Chinese app to another, stop fucking put yourself on a par with people who lost their homes.

#exercise caution #please #tbf I don’t think rednote itself is necessarily brain rot in the same way TikTok is #I do think rednote in the hands of former tiktokers has the potential to be brain rot though #rednote #tiktok ban

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the-crustation-sensation · 3 days ago

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Don’t get me wrong, I love jayvik as much as the next autistic girl in this fandom. But I am very annoyed at jayvik OVERTAKING the entire fandom

Rant under the cut

Especially on tumblr if I look at the Single Viktor or Jayce tag, the ENTIRE thing is choked out by jayvik. And I like it, it’s cute, but it’s gotten to the point that I can’t see any content just appreciating their characters alone without the need of a ship. It’s the same for caitvi too

I think there’s something to be said when analyzing season 2, that it’s a perfect example of why writers should not let fans dictate their story’s. Jayvik had phenomenal build up in S1, but the way they were portrayed in S2 felt like fan service- let me explain

So much of the jayvik content I see is incredibly out of character and stereotypical (as many MLM pairings are reduced too) Viktor is either a helpless twink, or an all powerful god that has Jayce on a leash. Why are we making Viktor a shy soft boy? He was the CEO of the sassy man apocalypse?

It’s also very sad to see Jayce’s character get watered down to “pathetic himbo golden retriever twunk with no brain cells” and yeah, the pathetic Jayce memes are funny but it’s annoying when people think that’s ALL his character is. He gets written as a dick-for-brains dumbass with 0 common sense or basic skills… when he was a university educated engineer and eventually POLITICIAN

But back on topic to jayvik in s2 feeling like fanservice, a lot of the time I see fans wanting jayvik to have an almost codependent relationship, and that’s exactly the undertone a lot of jayvik moments in s2 had. The dynamic between Jesus/machine herald vik and Jayce was undoubtedly toxic with a huge power dynamic. I’m just very disappointed because I was excited to see jayvik be developed more in a creative way, and instead they just slapped on the soulmates trope.

And don’t get me wrong- do I love Viktors end monologue? Yes. Do I think they should have kissed with some tongue at the end? Absolutely. But the entire situation of s2 just felt icky, not to mention how Viktor completely lost is autonomy to the arcane TWICE in one season. Idk but Viktor becoming a whole maniacle malevolent god who wants to “perfect” all of humanity… but can only be brought back to his own humanity by his boyfriend just felt… cheap.

It felt like a metaphor for Viktors disability, and how he needed to be “saved” from himself. Which in turn completely nullified all of this character development. And do not get me STARTED on how much Viktors arc was ruined in season 2, that deserves a whole post in itself

Overall these are purely my opinions, and I’m still going to be hypocritically eating up jayvik content with a spoon because it’s still my favorite ship, I just believe it could have been portrayed better. Anyways thanks for sitting through my rant. if you disagree or have any other opinions I’d be delighted to hear. Peace out

#arcane #arcane league of legends #arcane league of lesbians #arcane netflix #league of legends #jayce talis #arcane jayce #arcane jayvik #viktor arcane #jayce x viktor #jayce league of legends #viktor league of legends #jayvik #jayvik arcane

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starlightwayfinder · 2 days ago

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You know, your post saying Ven can’t wrap his head around why people would use the darkness is getting me thinking again about its nature and place in the setting. I hope it doesn’t end up being as evil as the narrative makes it out to be.

This is a super interesting ask, and I think to answer it honestly—I have to disagree a little, but I also do agree? Let me explain my thoughts.

Personally, I do think the narrative works best when “light” and “darkness” are literally interpreted as good and evil, creation and destruction, love and hatred, etc. The thing is, KH is clever and has made a point to specify that *true* light and darkness are a little different from what people might initially assume to be good and evil.

Of all the games, KHDR looks most deeply into what actually defines darkness. The best example off the top of my head is when they’re comparing the residents of Wonderland. Even though they all seem to harbor a negative emotion of ‘fear’, only the Queen manifests it as darkness in her heart. The difference being that she harms and executes others to maintain her power. We see how she is consumed by ire and lashes out at everyone. Xehanort argues that maybe her darkness is necessary to maintain order… but it’s not a good kind of order to make people live in fear, is it?

Conversely, what defines light? Some ‘light’ sided characters like Eraqus go around seeking to obliterate the darkness out of a hatred for it. (He justifies this by mentally separating darkness from people, but khdr confirmed that hearts and darkness are basically entangled in the modern era.) This sort of behavior doesn’t align with ‘true’ light though, as harming others is still what defines darkness. Of course, there are situations where fighting is required to protect people from harm—but even then, it’s not ideal to have to hurt anyone. When people have been hurt, it can be accepted and transformed into light / something ‘good’, or it can continue to manifest as darkness and become something cyclical that hurts others too.

The best understanding of light in KH is found in actions that stem from a desire to help and heal others. Take Kairi helping Sora come back from being a Heartless, for example. Even though he had fallen to darkness, she revived him with the power of her faith and love. Sora himself says that ‘deep down there’s a light that never goes out’ in every heart, and that ‘Kingdom Hearts is light’. This makes logical sense to me, if life and light are the same, you can’t be alive without light. And if that light never really goes out, neither does a person’s life. Hence why the heart is ‘never really gone’.

A lot of what KH asks comes down to—“what is a perfect world?” In the lore and fairytales of the series, light was a freely given gift from Kingdom Hearts—presumably in the form of hearts. What gave way to darkness was people attempting to selfishly claim that light for themselves and take it from others. This turns the world from order to chaos, and Kingdom Hearts disappears. Until it can truly return, there will still be darkness and suffering in the now-divided worlds. Coexistence and peace would be the ideal world order, but the conflict between light and darkness prevents it. Note that the real conflict between light and darkness is “darkness tries to possess light”, not “they both try to destroy each other”. I don’t think that true light, the kind that has ‘more than meets the eye’, is out to destroy darkness so much as to return it to light.

We don’t know everything about the True Darknesses yet, but Khux implies that they cast away their forms to conquer light, only to realize that their will would be lost without bodies. This is why they seek to ‘infect’ people’s hearts and stay alive through expansion, claiming more worlds and lights along the way. The Master of Masters claims they are entirely different from people, and yet we see Vanitas gain a heart—which by my logic before, wouldn’t even be alive without possessing at least some light, right?

So to answer your question, I do think darkness is “evil”, but only in the sense of being an absence or willful rejection of goodness / light. I think there’s a real chance the KH ending will be one of reconciliation and restoration. It would be pretty wonderful to see all of the true darknesses get their own forms and hearts again, especially if that puts an end to the conflict once and for all. Darkness isn’t completely bad to the extent of being irredeemable, but it is completely bad in that—on its own—it only causes an endless cycle of cruelty and pain to be inflicted on people. Just like you can’t fight fire with fire, you can’t fight darkness with darkness; light is the key necessary to make things right again.

So to explain my headcanon about Ven, we have to get into his mind as a pure-hearted person. He’s selfless and aims to share light rather than possess it for himself (or fight over it with others.) That’s how the ideal world is supposed to work, and it benefits everyone. So he doesn’t see the logic in hurting others to benefit only yourself. That will just make people hate you, right? Where’s the harmony in that? He values friendship above all else, so that’s why he can’t wrap his mind around people valuing other things (power) more and justifying harming others to gain them. That’s why ‘his friends are his power’. Because if you have the light of friendship, you don’t need to take power from others or use the power of darkness to feel fulfilled.

Thanks for the ask!! I hope this explanation makes sense 😅

#It’s not exactly a super easy thing to explain #because it’s like #yes darkness is bad. It encompasses the worst evils you can imagine #But light is *so* good that it’s okay that bad exists. Because light can make it good again #And that’s why there’s hope even in the deepest darkness—you know?#Kingdom Hearts #Khdr #kh

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starberry-cupcake · 2 days ago

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*doing a recap as I suffer listening to my football/soccer team go through it in another tab, I'd wait but I want to finish day one of nona today because Things are happening tomorrow*

previously, in nona del 9:

this happened

this is the general tag for those catching this recap loose in the wild

also, I don't wanna put this person out there like that, so I'm not sharing url, but I want to apologize personally to them for not starting these recaps from the beginning (I didn't know this was going to happen)

and also please don't let me deter you from reading these books if I'm unfunny, I can't live with that burden

please read them anyway

I was telling @lady-harrowhark how I feel I'm embarrassing her in front of fandom famous people and now I feel I'm embarrassing all of you, I'm so sorry

CHAPTER 6 (sixth house skull babeeeyyyyyy)

people are having trouble with the economy, employment and political strife

so, we're not doing a lot better in the future, is what I'm hearing

this is not the sci fi future I'd like to see, folks

some people are like "at least with the houses people knew who had to pay them"

I think we've all lived in situations where we had to hear someone say something like this

camilla asks nona if she would want to leave to the idyllic farming fairy tale pyrrha imagines they could run away into

(not that it doesn't sound nice, but that's so unlikely pyrrha, I mean, come on)

nona says she doesn't because she loves it there

which means nothing, because nona loves everything

the bar isn't super high here

after a bath and reading the advice column (?) nona asks camilla to tell her the story of how they met her

(kinda wild that this part coincided with penalty kicks in the game, not that I'm live blogging the match, just thought I'd take you on a full experience here)

(we won, but my blood pressure was put to the test and now I can come back to re capping properly)

(I'm still not used to the paperback thing and I'm live-reading rather than finishing a chapter and doing a recap as I used to)

(still haven't found my footing here)

so, there's a lot of info here but, at the same time, not enough info, you get me?

isn't that just the tlt experience, though???

isn't that what we love????

crafting theories and getting tangled with the red yarn???

we're all connected with the red thread of conspiracy

camilla and palmolive were trying to communicate and they knew "she" was in trouble

which refers to nona, but I assume it's not nona yet, I assume they're talking about...harrow??

camilla says that "she" disappeared but they found "her" and pyrrha and "she" was hurt

pyrrha helped them escape, but they lost ships and people and "something very important"

is that gideon's body?????? is that "something very important" gideon's body???????

DON'T LOSE GIDEON'S BODY, PLEASE!!!

WE NEED THAT!!!

WE'RE NOT DONE WITH THAT!!!

so, camolive and pyrrha asked to be able to keep "her" and we suffer interceded for them at that time

and then palmolive convinced "the Oversight Body" and the sixth house to evacuate

I don't know what the "oversight body" is

if they lost gideon's body, that's definitely an oversight

palmolive chose 16 people to talk to BOE

I'm sure one of them was his mom, she was cool, I liked her

I didn't realize that was his mom reading the story until someone pointed it out, though

I embarrassed myself there

ANYWAY

THEN nona woke up

after they lived together for a while, the light in the sky appeared and, according to camilla, BOE betrayed them

or wasn't able to protect them anymore

they're fucked, is the overall important thing to take from it

idk if this is why coronabeer and palmolive aren't in speaking terms right now

they mention the sixth house people being lost, or at least nona asks if she can help find them if she remembers who she is

also, awake me up inside seems to have been we suffer's boss

so she has beef with pyrrha

according to camilla, it's because pyrrha was best friends with the person who killed her

idk if camilla and/or we suffer know the whole thing about pyrrha and og!gideon being intimate with commander wakey wakey, though

also, incredibly important

this is essential information

kevin is good at origami

we love kevin

JOHN 5:20

we've established in the first one that these are bible verses

the previous one (20:8) was about the empty tomb

for the record, it was: "Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed."

this one is: "For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed."

dr reverend emperor john asshat is still talking (to harrow???)

of course he's still talking, he loves the sound of his own voice

he's telling her about how he got where he got with his lyctor buddies

apparently, his cryogenics plan was cancelled in both senses of the word

it was stopped from continuing to run

and it got into the press, so people started panicking about the end of the world and everything was going to shit

important to note that C and N were dating, and I guess this is Cassiopeia and Nigella? because Cyrus is also a C but since Nigella is Cassiopeia's cav, I'm gonna go for that option

good for them, we love cassiopeia

she had ceramics and was sixth house

also, augustine is being dramatic, but what else is new

they also were collecting bodies to test on and weren't able to cremate them anymore because of the experiments made on them

for personal family and country history reasons, I'm not gonna make jokes about that one

but it was something to note from the conversation that seems to be important for later

now, here it gets complicated

because dr reverend emperor john keeps drop naming people

or drop letter-ing?

and naming planets in our system

pyrrha was a cop, apparently

very evident in her behavior

and then he says that, because of the press, he wasn't going to be allowed to work again

and also says: "I sure as hell wouldn't be allowed to work on anything else to do with you"

in the last one, he said "Harrowhark" when interacting, so I took it this could be harrow's soul or whatever

but that doesn't add up with this????

because then he starts talking about this "you" being sick and not telling them, so I'm starting to wonder if this is ice cube barbie aka annabell lee aka AL aka The Body

so, dr john goes on some breakthrough spree and mercygirl says he's probably on coke (among other things)

and he says "coke zero"

I'm a coke zero girlie and you're not welcome here, mr man

you're not like me

he has some bodies which are his "favorites"

and when the Powers That Be shut them down and cut the electricity from them

(because they were using 3% of the country's electricity)

(fuck them tbh)

all the bodies collapsed, except from the ones he had "touched" and "loved"

ALLEGEDLY

ALSO, he again calls her "Harrow"

which ??????????????????????????????????????????

how is this harrow and also whoever was sick back then, who I thought was ice cube barbie????????

what's happening????????????????????

the chapter ends with the word "incorrupti"

which is either a typo or something's going on there

could be either, could be both

AND THAT'S IT FOR DAY 1!!!! we're moving ahead!!!!

#luly reacts to tlt #nona the ninth #nona the ninth spoilers #tlt spoilers #tlt #long post #so many tshirts in my recaps as of late #gif cw

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theharrowing · 4 hours ago

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MY CHELL!!!!!!!

i read this review back when you posted it but life has been so hectic that i haven't had a chance to respond 😭😭😭 but i am here now and so excited to see (once again) what you have to say.

that ursula gif tho 💀💀💀

how i picture you wiggling in your seat:

you know, i hadn't fully considered the image of Taehyung in a balaclava, but now that you mention it..........................yes.

Stroll in with a pair of bloody chopsticks and a simple, “Darling”...what a charmer.

lolol idk why this is so funny to me.

definitely manipulative to bring Jimin along. i did my best to paint it as him bringing the whole crew as man power but those of you who've been paying attention know that Jimin is not a fighter, and that at the end of the day, he is absolutely a bargaining chip.

MC comparing Yoongi and Ryujin hurts. I can see what she means but damn does it hurt to admit it. After all is said and done, Yoongi is a shady ass dude with a shaky track record in love. The way he goes about things aren’t always clear and are often very infuriating.

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. sigh lmao. this is something i have been anticipating showing for a long time and i am glad you had thoughts.

i actually had other plans for Ateez, but i scrapped some chunks of my outline that i didn't think suited the story anymore and lost those characters in the process. now they are heeerrrreeeee haha. i also think they fit the vibe, honestly.

I love that you can include such innocent and cute scenes in between the death, sorrow and destruction.

that's what i do hehehe.

The one on one talk went a lot better than I thought it would. MC needed to let those tears out with Yoongi and I’m more at ease that he is willing to wait for her mental health to get better. Healing takes time and having him/the guys not push for her to come home too soon means a lot.

....................we'll see how this thought has aged in chapter 24 lmao. i know you will have WORDS.

There is a subtle shift in the family dynamics or I could just be reading too much into it but with Seokjin’s bullshit out in the open, it seems to me that everyone is a little more relaxed. Not as on edge with being alive.

you are so observant 🥰🥰🥰

your observations re: ryujin & yoongi (and ryujin & mc) are on point. definitely nothing is black and white but where are the lines drawn, and where are they grey???

I hope Yoongi puts a fucking bullet in Ryujin’s skull, right between her eyes! This slimy two-faced bitch! Harmless my ass! I want to reach through the screen and punch Ryujin myself!

THANK YOU FOR READINGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! you will get answers soon but i wonder if you will also have more questions. my hope is that from chapter 24 on, all we are doing is answering questions and letting all of the pieces finally fall into place. it's.................going to be a mess haha. SEE YOU SOOONNNN!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😍🥰💜😍🥰💜

Collateral 🗡️ 23: This life of death and destruction

Your ex-boyfriend gets in over his head working for the local mafia, and Boss Min has come to collect his payment: You.

But was it simply a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or has he always had his sights on you?

🗡️ Yoongi x Female Reader x Namjoon

🗡️ word count: 13.6k

🗡️ mafia au, strangers to lovers, graphic violence, major character injury, poly, smut, angst, fluff, nsfw, explicit 21+

🗡️warnings: violence (a man gets stabbed in the eye, weaponized chopsticks, blood); recreational drug use & getting drunk; vomit.

🗡️note: are we ready to continue this story??? the cast of characters has doubled in size, and i think the angst & drama has multiplied, as well. i wrote this opening scene on april 20, 2023 moments after watching the Haegeum mv. it feels good to have finally built the rest of the chapter around it over a year later. this chapter is like 80% dialogue, lol sorry. we are setting up for what is to come in the rest of the fic. enjoyyy!!!

🗡️ also note: in this chapter, mc is borrowing clothing. if you are comfortable with imagining the clothing belongs to the thin kpop idols, please do. if you are not, then please don't. i am not making assumptions or allusions to body size but instead trying to paint a picture of being at the mercy of others.

🗡️ if you have not read the Yoongi POV chapter, i strongly recommend you do so before reading this.

🗡️ beta read by @neoneunnajimin

🗡️ posted sept. 2024 | read on ao3

PREVIOUS | INDEX | NEXT

“He looks hesitant,” Ryujin drawls in a bored tone. She turns to face you and her lips upturn at the edges, eyes sparkling. “Like he’s scared of what he may find when he gets here.”

The air is stiflingly hot, creating a sticky film over your skin, and your body feels heavier than it should. In this humidity, you are dizzy and agitated. More than anything, you are not ready to come face to face with the man who has caused you so much confusion and mental duress.

“Good,” you say, fighting the urge to roll your eyes. Your fingers dig into your hip bones, and you do your best not to shuffle anxiously. You do not fully believe in your conviction, but you want your performance to be believable enough that the girls don't think you're weak. “He should be.”

“Looks like he brought all the family men,” she adds, turned back to watch their approach.

Your heart flutters suddenly, wondering whether she means Jimin is there too, unable to hide the tremble in your voice as you ask, “A-all of them?”

This time, when Ryujin faces you, her expression appears contemplative, almost sad.

“All of them,” she confirms, causing nausea and excitement to stir.

All you can say in response is, “Oh.”

Before you can stop yourself, your feet are carrying you forward, toward the window. You do not fully approach, not wanting to be seen, so you stop as soon as you spot them walking in the street toward the noodle shop downstairs that doubles as your hideout.

Seven figures approach in a V formation. Six of them wear ratty dark t-shirts and khaki pants, and they hold what look like juvenile weaponry—baseball bats and chains. Over their heads are balaclavas, reminding you of Christian's men. Is it meant to taunt him, you wonder. Do they think they will find him and his men here?

Yoongi is in the center, leading the charge, with no face covering and wearing a baby blue satin bomber jacket with thick white lines down the sleeves. On the breasts of the jacket are embroidered dragon heads, reminding you of Namjoon.

Namjoon. The thought of seeing him again, like this, makes your insides stir. You feel the urge to vomit, but you hold your ground and watch as the men approach, wearing a frown on your lips.

When the heads disappear from sight, you turn and listen for the silence that lingers in the air, save for the thrum of your pulse. A calm before a terrible storm.

Ryujin lets out a long, loud trill of a whistle—a signal, no doubt—and you listen as the

hideout breaks out into chaos. Men scramble through the short hallway that leads out into the open space that Yoongi and his men will soon enter.

"No guns!" Ryujin commands as she stomps through the space toward the hallway, clad in a white tank top tucked into a short black tennis skirt and tall leather equestrian boots. "You are on the defense only. Do not harm a single hair on any of these men's bodies. Do so and you die!"

As you stand near the window, you listen to the street commotion below. Vehicles drive along the narrow roads, vendors shout while ringing bells and chimes, and in the distance, a dog barks.

You know that you will not hear the men's approaching footfalls, but you listen for them, anyway. Yoongi and the family men only need to walk through the small dining hall of the open-air restaurant below, then up a flight of stairs. You hear nothing that might give their positions away.

"Wanna hide?" Hwasa—the nickname of your darling friend Hyejin—asks. She rests her chin on your shoulder and loosely wraps her arms around you, engulfing you in a perfume of roses and lilies.

You shake your head and mutter, "No," watching the doorway for any movement.

Finally, heavy footfalls echo through the space, giving you goosebumps, and when you hear the sounds of shouting followed by someone running into the room, you hold your breath.

"Fuck, fuck!" a man yells as he rounds the corner and cowers, shaking like a leaf in the wind. He seems to be patting himself down for a weapon, then he sighs and squeezes his eyes closed as he presses his back to the wall.

"Ya!" Hwasa yells, making the man gasp. "What is it?"

"B-big Duri," the man stammers, eyes wide. He shakes his head quickly as if attempting to clear away his thoughts.

Duri is a hulk of a man who stands watch at the top of the stairs. He is as muscular as he is tall, with a bit of softness around his belly, and his towering status has earned him the title Big Duri from the other men. One snarl from him makes men cower away in fear.

"What about him?" Hwasa asks.

"He was s-stabbed," the man says, staring at the floor. "In the f-f-fucking eye."

Hwasa drops her arms from around you and stands up straight. You open your mouth to speak but find no sound can pass your lips.

Footfalls approach, heavy and fast. You are not sure who you expect storming in from the hallway, but for some reason, it is not Yoongi.

He walks in assuredly like he owns the place, dark hair framing his face in waves. Clenched in his right fist are two bright red chopsticks that look like the ones served at the restaurant downstairs, and you could swear the thinner ends of them are dripping with blood.

"Darling, let's go," Yoongi says, wide eyes fixed on you. He looks like a madman with his hair somewhat disheveled and a sheen of sweat on his throat.

You are surprised to see Yoongi dressed as he is. Under the pastel jacket is a white tee tucked into loose-fitting blue jeans. When was the last time you saw him in blue jeans? Your first trip to Hong Kong?

You heavy-blink, breaking from the thought process, and attempt to hold steady and keep cool. But you do not feel cool. Your pulse quickens, and you worry you might faint.

"I'm staying here," you say, voice trembling.

You half expect Yoongi to storm over and grab you by the arm. Part of you even feels saddened when he stays where he is.

"Darling," Yoongi says, lifting his free hand to wave you over. "I'm not asking you twice."

"How many men did you kill out there?" you ask, eyes on the chopsticks that drip blood beside his dusty white sneaker. Yoongi's arm drops to his side and he heaves a weighty sigh, shoulders falling.

Behind Yoongi, Ryujin saunters in. She grins and stands beside Yoongi, resting her head against his shoulder as she reaches for the bloodied chopsticks in his fist, saying, "You owe me a bodyguard."

Yoongi—whose eyes never leave you—throws the chopsticks to the floor, off to the side. They clatter against the uneven wood, and you wince at the thought of blood splattering.

He mutters, "Fine."

With that admission, you surmise that Yoongi has, indeed, stabbed Big Duri in the eye. How he managed to do so when he is so much smaller than the man is beyond you. You would be amused by the visual of Yoongi leaping onto him like a kitten if the situation were not so infuriating.

Slowly, Ryujin lifts her head from Yoongi's shoulder. She turns her gaze to you as she says, "She doesn't want this life, Yoongi. She told you so, herself."

"Darling," Yoongi says, seemingly ignoring Ryujin, making her roll her eyes. "I will make some changes. We will figure it out. Just come home."

You shake your head. "I told you I wanted to leave."

"You are in danger," Yoongi insists, and you scoff. For the first time since you have arrived to this dingy place, there has been no hint of violence until he turned up.

As Yoongi sighs, his nostrils flair. You can clearly see that he has something on his mind, but he remains still and silent.

Anger rises, and you clench your fists at your sides. This is not the reunion you expected, but you cannot say you are shocked. "I told you I no longer want this life, and the first thing you do is stab a man—a good man!"

"Darling, I—"

"Go home," you interrupt.

Yoongi watches you, expression cold save for a flicker of sadness in his eyes. Every nerve in your body wants to propel you forward and into his arms, but you do not want to return to the home of a maniac who attacks men with chopsticks, beautiful as that maniac may be.

"I have told you time and again that I cannot handle this life of death and destruction! And here you are, bringing it straight to my feet. Go home, Yoongi."

Yoongi tongues the inside of his cheek, raising his eyebrows. In the doorway, you see Namjoon appear, balaclava raised to his forehead. His dark grey tee is smeared with sweat and blood, and before he can open his mouth to speak, you turn around. There is absolutely no way you will be able to keep your strength if you are forced to face any more of them.

"She wants you to leave," Hwasa says. You are grateful for her as you hear the heels of her boots against the rickety hardwood. "Now!"

"I want to speak to her," Namjoon says, and you are surprised to hear Yoongi say, "She does not wish to speak. Come on."

As their deep, low voices mutter, tears fill your eyes. You breathe in deeply, hoping to ward them off, but as you exhale, the air comes out shattered, and you know that you are only moments away from crying.

"Tomorrow night, we can sit down and discuss matters," Ryujin says.

You keep your eyes on the late afternoon sky, hanging on her every word.

"Amicably," she continues. "No weapons. No hot tempers. And you have a man en route to Busan to take Duri's place when we arrive. Deal?"

"All of us?" Namjoon asks, and you fight the edges of your lips, which curl into a sad smile.

Ryujin sighs. "Yes, all seven of you sordid little devils. Now get the fuck out of my hideout. You gave our darling a scare and I will not have her fainting because of it. I will send you a time and place, and you will show up dressed as respectable men. Seriously, what the fuck are you guys wearing? You look like trash."

Ryujin's voice fades as she continues to berate them, footsteps retreating, and it occurs to you once more that somewhere out in the chaos is Jimin. You turn, and the movement causes Yoongi's head to lift and eyes to open wide and expectantly, standing halfway in the hallway. You were not expecting him to still be here. To your disappointment, Namjoon has already left the room.

"Is Jimin here?" you ask.

Relief floods Yoongi's face, and he cracks a smile, nodding as he says, "Yes. Come see him."

You shake your head, blinking back the tears that threaten to fall.

"Glad he's awake," you say. "Perhaps I will see you all tomorrow."

Yoongi's expression turns sad, and you watch as he mouths the word perhaps before you turn your attention back to the window. The sound of his shoes retreating makes you want to throw up, and you swallow it down as a single tear streaks your left cheek.

* * *

Ryujin lies on a large fur rug that she has pulled near the window. Atop the rug is a mess of blankets and pillows, and her limbs tangle with those of Hwasa and the other three girls.

You sit arrow straight on the wide window sill, staring at the street below. The sky slowly darkens, illuminating the buildings with an orange glow that is exaggerated by the neon lights on each restaurant and storefront.

"Yes, Yoongi," Ryujin says into her phone, playful irritation in her tone. "I swear to you there is nobody by that name in our ranks. Seokjin-oppa has already warned me about his possible presence."

You listen, hoping to hear traces of Yoongi's voice coming through the phone, but you know that it is hopeless; his dulcet tones do not exactly travel far even while in the same room as him. Muffled and at a distance, the notion is hopeless.

"You know," Ryujin continues, "you would have less to worry about if you hadn't stabbed my most trusty security guard in the fucking eye with a chopstick."

Her words make you wince, and you turn away from the window, staring at the empty wall opposite where Ryujin and the girls rest. The floral wallpaper is peeled in places and tinted brown from water damage, but otherwise, the space is clean and empty, save for six suitcases and the items Ryujin has brought in and strewn about for comfort.

Outside of this room is a hallway that connects to more rooms, though you have not bothered to look into any of them, save for the bathroom, which is the first room to the right as you exit this one. Whatever this hideout was originally built for, you do not know, and you do not care, although you imagine at least one of the rooms could serve as office space for the restaurant below.

A shrill laugh barks through the air, making you jump. You gaze over your shoulder to find Ryujin's head tilted back, eyes closed as she full-body laughs.

"Don't be a fucking idiot," she says, opening her eyes to meet your gaze. "No scrub in clown paint is going to buy our little darling from me. Now get some sleep; we'll talk about this tomorrow evening, as promised."

Something about Ryujin calling you our little darling sends a chill along your spine, and you turn back to staring at nothing. She ends the call abruptly, and you hear as her phone clatters against the wooden floor, undoubtedly tossed aside.

"Darling," Ryujin calls, voice soft and pretty, causing your shoulders to rise to your ears as if protecting you—from what, you are unsure.

You swallow hard. "Hmm?"

Ryujin giggles. "Come. You're so tense. Relax with us."

She is correct that you are tense. You have been tense for days. When you got into her car at the airport, she said you would be here for two or three days, but it is going on a week, and you are tired of sleeping on rugs in a pile of bodies. You want to return to a bed. Any bed.

As you turn to face Ryujin and the others, you are struck by a sense of homesickness and longing that makes your stomach churn. Hwasa and three slender beauties called Solar, Wheein, and Moonbyul crowd Ryujin, who sits up on her elbows, gaze fixed on you.

Hwasa's head is against Ryujin's left shoulder, near her breast, and she watches you, as well, gaze soft but pleading. Moonbyul, with her long, straight hair lightened to a pale gold blonde, has her head on Hwasa's tummy, curled in on her. The other two are resting similarly, with Solar clinging to Ryujin and Wheein clinging to Solar, long dark hair draped over limbs which are draped over more limbs clad in white cotton and black spandex.

You watch them in their near-stillness, questioning where you would fit. Clearly, the five of them are tight. They call her mother, and she proudly dotes on them as if they are her precious children.

Ordinarily, you wait for everyone to begin dozing off, then you curl up on one of the outside edges, back turned from whichever woman is beside you. But you know that Ryujin wants you to be physically close to her—you can tell by the way she watches you.

What would physical closeness to a woman like her entail, you wonder.

"So shy," Ryujin pouts. "So moody."

Hwasa, as if mirroring her energy, juts out her bottom lip.

Ryujin tilts her head, studying you. "What does the lady require to help take the edge off?"

Although she is not explicitly saying so, you know that she is offering pills. Every day that you do not give in and crawl to Ryujin and her pile of women, she assumes it is due to some defect in your ability to relax. In a way, you suppose, she is correct.

"Going home would take the edge off," you respond, voice flat and lacking all mirth.

Ryujin sighs, and her pretty, impish smile falls into a dramatic frown. "I, too, would like to go home. And I promise that we will, soon. Yoongi is convinced there is some third party attempting to track you down, and he has been insistent on weeding the man out. He seems to think that you are safest while remaining in hiding. I, however, think we are sitting ducks."

You hum and nod.

She sits up ever so slightly, causing the clinging women to shift along with her movement. "What do you think?"

What do you think? Such a simple, innocent question, yet it stirs an anger in you that is so deep, festering in the dark pits of you that are fed by lack of proper comfort and sleep.

There is a part of you that wants to snap at Ryujin and ask whether she really cares what you think. You want to storm up to her, take her by the straps of her white tank top, and shake some sense into her while demanding she returns you to Korea at once.

Another part of you worries that Yoongi is being too paranoid to think clearly and that he is making an already strange situation worse. You find it hard to believe Christian has weaseled his way into Taiwan and is lying in wait to pounce, if that is what the phone call just now suggests.

But, then again, you never would have imagined Christian would show up with a briefcase of money, nor did you expect to see him turning up to the mansion in the middle of the night. Still, the notion feels ridiculous. You're not in Korea anymore.

You shrug, purse your lips as if you are thinking it over, and say, "I don't really know."

Truth be told, you are exhausted, catapulting emotionally from one extreme to another, finding it impossible to truly relax. You are not sure whether Ryujin has done anything to deserve your vitriol; she has kept you safe and fed, even if you are slowly succumbing to exhaustion-induced hysteria.

Her history with Yoongi notwithstanding, she appears reasonable and kind. It is hard to hate her for her past when it has opened up Yoongi's arms to you—for better or worse. It is not as if you regret the time you have spent with him.

And, if you are being honest, you wonder whether the transgression between them was as simple as the men put it, or if there is more to her side of the story. Surely, she did not wake up one day and decide to betray the man she loved.

Or, perhaps, she is charming you the way Yoongi did. What better way to tame a wild beast than to uproot it from the comfort and safety it has grown accustomed to and force it into close proximity, giving it no other choice than to be grateful and eventually feel some semblance of love toward its captor. Maybe she and Yoongi have more in common than you realize.

The thought makes you snicker, and you stand, taking notice of how Ryujin lifts her chin and watches you. Hwasa stirs and sits up, causing Moonbyul to roll off of her with a groan and clench onto the pillow below her.

"Going to the bathroom," you say.

Hwasa stands as Ryujin sing-songs, "Buddy system," causing you to smile and roll your eyes.

You are not allowed to do anything outside of this room—including taking a shit—without the accompaniment of one of the girls. Lucky for you, Hwasa is always willing and eager to be close.

Hwasa tiptoes over and snakes an arm around your elbow, momentarily resting her head on your shoulder as the two of you walk. You have come to enjoy her company quite a bit, and you are relieved to have her here.

While it was shocking to lay eyes on Hwasa after your plane landed in Taiwan, she was very clear and open about her circumstances, and you found it easy to trust her. According to her, Seokjin and Jimin gave her the position at Paradise knowing she was one of Ryujin's women, reminding you of Hyunjin and how he and his family were safe, after all.

Yoongi may not have been working directly with Ryujin this entire time, but it seems that his men have been. And, judging by how comfortable he seemed with letting Ryujin touch him and boss him around earlier, you do not suspect that he harbors the same ill thoughts that he seemed to when you first encountered her all those months ago.

You wonder what has changed. Has it been your presence in his life, or something more? After all the destruction Ryujin's team has caused Yoongi's family over the last several months, ending with Jimin in a coma, some sort of truce had to have been made. You have heard whispers of conversations, but you are curious about the specifics. It seems the woman who was at the helm of the destruction, Hyungseo, is not here.

In due time, you think. You have no doubt Ryujin will open up to you.

As you and Hwasa leave the room and venture quietly into the hall, two armed men look up from the game of Chinese checkers that they play on the floor, and smile. They are beautiful, and you smile back, yanking your gaze away from them before you are able to make any more of an impression on either of them.

Admittedly, you are lonely. Physically, emotionally, sexually…and there is something in the gleams of their eyes that stirs you deeply, but you know that it is not them who do it for you.

It is their eyes. They share the same piercing, knowing gaze of hunger and brutality that glimmers in the eyes of the family men. Your family men.

"I think Yunho likes you," Hwasa teases, voice loud enough for him to undoubtedly hear, though you do not turn back to look.

Instead, you press your palm against the cold metal door leading into the small bathroom and sheepishly ask, "Which one is he, again?"

A snicker comes from the floor, undoubtedly from Yunho's companion Seonghwa, and you turn as you enter the dimly lit room, grinning widely at your friend. The bathroom door swings shut, and the scents of toilet cleaner and bleach sting your nose.

There are three toilet stalls in this room with mint green painted metal doors. The walls are a similar shade of green, and the yellow and white tiles on the floor are chipped in places.

You make your way to the sinks straight ahead and turn on the water, which is always cold, and run your hands under the stream. On the counter, in the corner, is a large black makeup case containing travel-sized toiletries for yourself and the rest of the women, and you open its lid and rummage around for your toothbrush and toothpaste.

"How are you holding up?" Hwasa asks as you unscrew the cap from the toothpaste and squeeze a small dollop of its contents onto your bristles, careful not to take too much.

You shrug, and rather than respond, raise the brush to your mouth. The mint is cloyingly sweet as it hits your taste buds, and you close your eyes, worried that its minty sting may tangle with your emotions and cause tears to well.

"Will you be joining Ryujin to meet with them for dinner tomorrow?"

Without opening your eyes, you begin to shake your head, not sure whether you can handle sitting at the same table with all of them. But then Jimin's bright, gleaming smile crosses your mind, and you shrug and nod. You may as well.

Hwasa chuckles, and her hands rest softly on your shoulders before giving a gentle squeeze. All at once, you relax, dropping your shoulders and tipping your head forward, instinctively giving her permission to do anything she would like.

As you finish brushing your teeth and tongue, she squeezes your muscles and rolls her thumbs in circles. You hold the small plastic brush between your teeth, feeling a dribble of frothy, minty spit roll down your lip to your chin, and you rest your palms against the counter until Hwasa lifts her hands away.

"I suppose I should brush my teeth, too," she says with a pout in her tone, and you open your eyes to see her squirting some paste onto a matching toothbrush that she has written AH on in large letters for Ahn Hyejin.

You spit, rinse, and spit some more, then use the inside of your sweaty black tank top to dab the moisture from the edges of your mouth. When Hwasa is finished, the two of you link arms once more and make your way out of the bathroom, ignoring Yunho and Seonghwa as you walk by.

The rest of the girls, led by Ryujin, walk by in a fit of soft giggles, and you make your way to the pile of blankets and pillows, feeling physically exhausted despite being uncertain of whether you may actually be able to sleep.

Hwasa follows and lies down beside you, beaming as she scoots nice and close and wraps an arm around your waist before you have a chance to roll away and face the wall.

"Not so fast," she says, causing you to chuckle despite yourself. "You always roll away. Snore in my face for once."

Affronted, you attempt to wiggle out of her hold, surprised by how strong she is as she holds you in place. "I do not snore."

Hwasa rolls her eyes, says, "Everyone snores a little," and wiggles closer as her hold on you loosens—so close your noses nearly touch.

You feel too warm, and the scent of Hwasa's perfume mingling with her body heat stirs something inside you, filling you with the urge to flee. You are lonely, and she is beautiful and soft, and suddenly it feels as if all the air has been sucked from the room.

At a loss, you close your eyes. Whether you roll your body away or continue to face her, she will not create more distance because she cannot. As soon as the other girls return, they will pile into the bed, and you will feel the weight of ankles and wrists drape over you.

"Good night, pretty dove," Hwasa sing-songs.

You crack a smile, unable to hold back despite how dangerous it feels to allow yourself to be anything but stoic and collected for the time being. The nickname reminds you of Paradise and of Jimin, and you are unable to hold back.

"Good night, Hyejin," you mutter in response, forgetting her nickname for the familiar one as her warmth and comfort lulls you fast into a sleep you did not expect to come.

You actually feel…good.

* * *

The rattle and clanking of dishes and silverware have all of your nerves on high alert, causing your pulse to spike and your palms to sweat. You are acutely aware of the fact that at any moment, several men you miss and adore are going to come walking into the private dining room to join you, Ryujin, and Hwasa, and you are going to have to face them.

Each time a member of the serving staff enters, your eyes dart up in panic, and each time they bow apologetically, confusion painted across their features. Under the table, from your right, Hwasa grips onto your hand and mutters kind words that are lost over the pounding of your heart.

When your trio arrived first, you were grateful. You assumed that by the time you waited on the arrival of the men, your nerves would have calmed and you would have composed yourself.

But you were wrong. Oh, how you were wrong.

With each passing second, your heart riots behind your ribs, quick and dizzying. You feel the urge to excuse yourself to the bathroom, but you are terrified of what it may do to Yoongi if he arrives to find that you are not sitting at this table.

Food and drink are brought in. Large dishes covered in steaming meat, vegetables, rice, and noodles. Carafe after carafe is set down, and as you sit forward to peer into one of them, Hwasa says, "That is kaoliang. Fermented liquor from China." Your mouth begins to water, but you are not sure you are ready just yet to start drinking.

Shadows linger outside the door to the private room, tall and wide blobs obscured by the privacy glass. Ryujin glances at her watch, mutters, "Fucking finally," and stands, causing Hwasa to stand as well.

You remain glued to your seat. Even if you wanted to stand, you are not sure you would be able to.

As the door slides open, your heart pounds. Seokjin enters with a smirk and a bow of his head, followed by Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Jeongguk, Namjoon, and finally, Yoongi.

Jimin beams, eyes and mouth wide and happy, and he rounds the table in a rush, pushing past Ryujin, who attempts to pull him into a hug. Your eyes fill with tears, and as you finally get onto your feet, legs wobbling beneath you, the tears spill, streaking your cheeks.

You stumble and crash into the papered wall from the force of Jimin's hug, elbow scraping and stinging, but you do not care. Jimin smells and feels so familiar, and you sob in his arms, burying your face into his black lapel and letting out a deep, shattered breath.

"Oh my god," you manage to mutter against his shoulder, and he tries to loosen the hug to hear you speak, but you shake your head like a petulant child and pull him closer, refusing to let go. "I was so scared, Jimin. I thought I might never— I've missed you so much."

Voices greet one another, and chairs scrape across the floor, signaling that the others have begun to find their seats. This time, when Jimin begins to release the hug, you allow him, dropping your hands from his shoulders but holding them loosely around his hips.

Jimin's eyes are glassy with tears, and hair is slightly longer, almost grown out into a mullet. For the first time since you have met him, it is brown, and you mutter, "Nice hair," while doing your best to smile widely despite still crying.

He grimaces at you, lifting his hands to thumb away the moisture under your eyes. Then he leans in, kisses the tip of your nose, and says, "All better, dove."

"Thank you," you whisper, sound lodged in your throat, then you release Jimin for good and pivot to take your seat, taking a deep breath before allowing your eyes to fall on the rest of the men.

To your surprise and dismay, you find Ryujin sitting across from you with her eyebrows raised and a sharp, devious smile playing on her lips. To her left is Hwasa, and to her right is Jeongguk. You do not need to look to see that Yoongi and Namjoon have taken the seats on either side of you because of course, they have. Where else would they be?

But you do look. You sweep the sprawling rectangular table, starting with Namjoon at your left, then Hoseok, with Seokjin at the far end, where you anticipated Yoongi might sit. Past Seokjin is Taehyung, then Jeongguk, then Ryujin, who is leaning to the side and whispering something to Hwasa, whose hand reaches to where Jimin sits on the other far end.

Jimin inspects Hwasa's rings and nails, dainty fingers tracing delicate lines. When she turns back to look at him, there are tears in her eyes, and you realize belatedly that she has missed him, as well. Of course, she has.

You do not look at Yoongi, gaze ending with Jimin. Yoongi clears his throat, causing Ryujin to stand, and—feeling uncomfortable with also standing while she speaks—you quickly have a seat.

Ryujin bows her head, hair pulled in a tight bun at the back of her head. She, matching Hwasa, wears a black suit with a white silk blouse, blending in with the black suits and black satin undershirts the men wear. You are the odd one out in a sleek black evening gown; Ryujin was insistent. At least it, too, is satin.

"Gentlemen," Ryujin says, and all at once, the men stand, bow their heads, and sit, including Yoongi, who scoots in close beside you. "Thank you for joining us tonight. I trust you have found us a replacement bodyguard?"

Yoongi hums a gruff, low note, and you are acutely aware of his presence by your side. His scent—earthy and musky, ever so slightly tinged with citrus—sneaks past the savory blend of food smells and floods your senses. You swallow a lump of trepidation that has crept its way to your throat.

"First of all, I would like to thank you for trusting me with taking care of our little darling," Ryujin says, turning to look at Seokjin. She remains standing. "As you are all aware, things between Yoongi and I have not always been easy. But, moving forward, I would like for all of us to remain amicable."

At this, Ryujin's eyes land on Yoongi. She appears fierce and ruthless in the way she looks down at him, lips upturned as if to show that she is enjoying this position of power.

You glance from the corner of your eye to find that Yoongi peers back up at her, sitting tall on the edge of his seat. His expression is blank, as is to be expected. There is a long pause during which you wish someone would speak or move to eat or drink—anything to cut through the tension.

Finally, Yoongi folds his arms over his chest and sits back, shifting his weight in a more relaxed position. He clears his throat, and you turn your gaze to the piles of meats, vegetables, noodles, and rice.

It sounds as if Yoongi attempts more than once to speak but struggles to find the words. At this, Namjoon sits forward, pulling your attention to the left, and he asks, "May I?"

Ryujin's face lights up. "Of course, Joonie-oppa. The floor is yours."

"Firstly, thank you for your hospitality. The hideout was certainly difficult to locate—"

Ryujin snickers. At this, Jeongguk stands, facing her, "Look, noona, if you would have answered your phone, we never would have shown up there with—"

"Sit down," Ryujin snaps, turning a playful but intense glare on Jeongguk, whose mouth snaps shut as he takes his seat. Beside him, Taehyung snickers. "I didn't answer my phone because I wanted to converse with her before making any choices, and you idiots acted irrationally."

At the word her, Ryujin lifts her hand and gestures to you, momentarily pulling your gaze. Although you do not glance around, you are certain that all heads turn to look your way, causing you to shift uncomfortably in your seat while you begin watching droplets of condensation streak your water glass.

"Pardon us for being concerned," Yoongi responds, voice tense and pained.

This seems to quell whatever emotion that has Ryujin acting defensive, and she slowly takes her seat and reaches for the bottle of kaoliang. All seem to be waiting for her response, and she takes her time lifting her glass to her lips and sitting back in her chair.

"Nobody faults you for being concerned, oppa. But you need to be more considerate of the reason she has come to me in the first place."

Yoongi must open his mouth to speak once more because Ryujin lifts her hand to stop him before she continues.

"Yes, I know that you are concerned for her safety, especially in the wake of some mysterious man from her past showing up out of nowhere. But she was already planning on leaving for mental health reasons. So maybe storming in with chopsticks blazing is not the wisest way to reunite with someone who is already shell-shocked from all the other bullshit she has had to witness."

"Some of the bullshit was at the hands of your people," Namjoon interjects.

Ryujin levels her gaze on him. "The most heinous bullshit, I would imagine. And as you can see, Hyungseo is not present. I am dealing with her, and Seokjin, Yoongi, and I have already discussed ways I can help with harm reduction."

Your gaze moves to the right, to Jimin, and you are surprised to find he is already looking at you. You smile, unable to stop the tears that form from how relieved you are that he is alright.

"I know that trust has been tarnished between our families, and that myself and my girls have taken things too far," Ryujin admits. "I sent my people out to scare you, and they did so much more than that. I will never stop feeling sorry for what has happened. Not a night has gone by that I have not been filled with regret over someone so precious to all of us becoming seriously injured."

Ryujin lifts an arm, reaches over Hwasa, and holds out her hand to Jimin. He takes it without hesitation.

"He could have died," Jeongguk says, brows knit in a frown.

Ryujin sighs. "I know this, Ggukie. And I am so, so sorry. I am determined to quash any bad blood and begin earning your respect. Tomorrow we leave for Busan. Once we are all back home, Serendipity will be opened for a night of drinking, drugs…whatever you heathens do."

To your surprise, many of the men snicker, amused.

"Seokjin and Hoseok already have a security team on standby so that you are not only relying on my people to keep you safe," Ryujin continues. "The era of family feuding is over. I am happy with my little piece of the peninsula, and I want drug operations to continue in a way that is lucrative for both of us. We will remain your first line of defense in the harbor, and in return, all that I ask is that we get free reign in Seoul to come and go."

Yoongi clears his throat. "If Sunmi-noona will accept the offer, she can be your liaison in the city once more."

At this, a mischievous smirk tugs on Ryujin's lips. She gives Jimin's hand a squeeze before releasing it, then raises both elbows to the table to cradle her chin in her hands. "Tell me, oppa. Why does Sunmi-unnie spit at my feet whenever I mention your name?"

Yoongi says nothing.

Rather than press him, she winks, then reaches for a large metal spoon and begins to fill her dish. Everyone hesitates, and it is Jeongguk who breaks the tension and follows suit, scooping food onto Taehyung's plate and causing the others to act in kind. You sit still, unsure whether you have an appetite.

"Darling?" Yoongi asks at the same time two fingers gently caress the back of your arm.

Your evening gown is a form-hugging halter top with a low back, leaving your skin open to soft, delicate assaults like the ones Yoongi likes to conduct in gentle motions. You flinch but try not to pull your arm away, worried about hurting his feelings.

Yoongi chuckles softly. "Are you not hungry?"

You shake your head but mutter, "I don't know."

"Should I have sat elsewhere?" he asks. He shifts as if he is looking over and around you, and you imagine he is speaking nonverbally to Namjoon.

The room is too bright, the food and cologne smells are too numerous, and the sounds of voices and silverware and porcelain are too loud. You raise your shoulders to your ears, then turn toward Yoongi, still unable to meet his eye as you ask, "Can we talk somewhere else?"

Yoongi stands, says, "Excuse us for just a moment," and waits for you.

As you stand, you catch Ryujin's eye. She appears concerned and places her palms on the table as if ready to stand and defend you.

You nod and say, "We'll be right back," and watch as she relaxes.

A warm palm presses against your lower back, and Yoongi guides you toward the door, out into a small hallway, and to the left. The restaurant's main dining hall is to the right, and you are thankful to walk in the opposite direction, not sure whether you can handle another person's eyes on you.

Yoongi walks into an empty private dining room, switches on the light, and holds out his arm for you to enter. As you step inside, you hear him conversing softly with who you assume to be an employee, and then he joins you, closing the door behind him.

As you stand and face the large, empty dining room, you expect Yoongi to touch you or prod you into speaking. Perhaps you expect him to beg you to return home. Instead, he seems to be waiting.

After only a handful of seconds, you decide you cannot take it anymore. Every ounce of you yearns for Yoongi, and knowing he is so close and being so patient has you reeling. You turn and quickly step toward him, reaching for his lapels and burying your face against his chest. He smells like home, and as he wraps his arms around you, warmth fills your chest, and you begin to cry.

"I'm sorry," you say. "I'm sorry I had to leave. I miss you, Yoongi, but I can't stand being there. I can't do it."

"Shh," Yoongi whispers, lips pressing to your temple, causing you to cry harder. It has only been a week, and yet you feel as if you have been away from him for so long.

"I'm sorry we keep creating distance. I don't know how to make it work out. I'm so scared, Yoongi." You are fumbling, mouth on autopilot, dredging up each time you and Yoongi were apart, feeling somehow responsible for everything despite knowing you have always only done your best.

"Yesterday was a mistake," Yoongi says, peppering kisses from the crown of your hair to your cheek and back up. "I was terrified and not in my right mind. You left in a frenzy, and then there was that letter, and it all been very confusing—"

You sniffle loudly, letting out a sound that halfway sounds like a laugh. "Oh my god, the letter. I'm so sorry."

Yoongi chuckles, gently grabs your shoulders, and pries you away from his chest. You allow him to move you, and you stand straight but keep your eyes on his black satin shirt. You do not want to see his scar or the pretty way in which his eyes downturn when he is sad.

His voice is soft and conspiratorial as he says, "I almost killed Seokjin after I found it."

With wide, surprised eyes, you look up, unable to hold back any longer. Yoongi's smile is loving and big, and his eyes sparkle with happiness, making your stomach roil with uncertainty. His scar is still so red against his soft skin, but it adds so much to his allure and beauty.

"I was under the impression you were running away with Barom, what with the timing of it all. You packed a bag, left behind all of our gifts, and disappeared into the night the moment he arrived."

Despite Yoongi's high spirits, you shake your head somewhat desperately. "I wrote it earlier that day, thinking I might run away a night or two later. I was scared that if I said goodbye, I wouldn't be able to leave." Tears build once more, and your body goes limp, hanging against the weight of Yoongi's hands. "Yoongi, I'm so—"

"Alright, no more sorries," Yoongi says, pressing against your shoulders enough to signal that he would like you to stand up and get your shit together. "Seokjin explained your conversations and motives to us already, and I have long since forgiven the both of you. I understand why you felt you had to sneak away. Remember when I went missing in Hong Kong? I was also in the midst of a mental health crisis, darling. I have no hard feelings."

You straighten out and search Yoongi's eyes for any hint of dishonesty, but all you find is a soft, loving gaze looking back at you. With a relieved sigh, you step forward and wrap your arms around him, pressing the side of your cheek against his chest and listening to the steady beat of his heart.

"I love you," you say, feeling the words fill you with warmth.

Yoongi drapes one arm over your shoulders and rests his other hand against the back of your head. "I love you, too," he says. "And if you need time and space, I will give it to you. Despite everything, I trust the girls to take good care of you."

"Is it weird?" you ask, pulling out of the hug and stepping back only far enough to see Yoongi's face. His only response is to raise one eyebrow. "Being around her again, I mean. Was she always so bossy?"

Yoongi chuckles and shakes his head. "I suppose it is a little weird, but we were friends first and foremost, and being friendly with her again feels easy. She has not always been that bossy, per se, but she has always been strong-willed enough to face all seven of us down the way she did tonight."

This makes you laugh, and you lean into Yoongi once more, tilting your head to press your lips to his throat, just under his chin.

"Thank you," you say. Yoongi hums, and you add, "For giving me time and space. For being understanding. That night was a fucking mess, and I have been really scared for what the aftermath may look like."

"No hard feelings," Yoongi repeats. "As long as you are happy."

All at once, you are flooded with myriad thoughts. Are you happy? This last week, while being more or less calm on your nerves, has also been lonely and strange. Would you feel better if you cut your losses and went back home to your men, where everything felt familiar again? Could you cycle through medications until finding the magical cocktail that would allow you to be whole again?

No, you think. Probably not.

"Are you sure?" you ask, voice soft and uncertain. "I don't know how long I might need. I can't promise—"

Yoongi kisses your forehead, pressing his lips slowly as he hums. He says, "I'm sure. We can figure it out one day at a time."

With everything out in the open, your stomach pangs with hunger. You smile and ask, "Can we go eat now?" and you are delighted when Yoongi smiles with relief and says, "Yes, of course."

With his thumbs, Yoongi rubs below your eyes. His hands linger on your cheeks, and you expect him to lean forward and kiss you, but he drops his hands a beat later, then grabs onto one of yours and asks, "Shall we?"

Yoongi leads the two of you back to the dining room, and as you enter, you are pleased to find the entire table has erupted into pleasant conversation. Jeongguk's arm is draped over Ryujin's chair while Hwasa emphatically tells them a story, and Jimin is leaning close, listening with his chin propped onto his hands.

Taehyung is explaining something while glancing between Namjoon, Seokjin, and Hoseok, and as you and Yoongi round the table and return, nobody acknowledges the two of you until you take a seat and Namjoon—eyes still on Taehyung—gently places a hand on your knee.

It is only when you begin to reach for half-empty bowls of food that Namjoon takes your plate in his hand that you realize how long it has been since the two of you have spoken. You are once again overwhelmed with emotion and fight the urge to say sorry a hundred more times.

Instead, he points with a large metal spoon and says, "Both of these dishes have a tangy garlic sauce, but this one is a bit more spicy."

"I'd like to try both," you say, watching as Namjoon spoons a heap of chicken with vegetables onto your dish, followed by a heap of tofu and peanuts with vegetables in a slightly redder sauce full of chopped red peppers.

As Namjoon sets your plate in front of you, you reach with your long metal chopsticks with the intent to gather some noodles from a dish that is across from Yoongi, out of Namjoon's reach. However, Yoongi takes the dish and begins to scoop some onto a smaller plate for you, and you sit back with a smile and wait for him to finish.

"Still having those dreams?" Namjoon asks.

You know in an instant that he is referring to the dream that you wrote about in your letter, and you feel silly as you bite your bottom lip and nod.

"That has to be really stressful," he says, reaching for a pitcher of water to fill his empty glass.

You smile sadly, imagining his white shirt filling with blood. It is stressful, but— "On the plus side, I get to see you."

As you lift your gaze to meet Namjoon's, his furrowed brow and wilted frown gently lift, not quite into a smile, but at least something a bit more relaxed.

"Hi," you say softly, taking in Namjoon's familiar, beautiful face.

His smile widens, creasing his cheeks with dimples. He mutters, "Hey, you," and the soft, dulcet tone of his voice fills your chest with warmth.

You open your mouth to tell him that you love him. That you miss him. That you're sorry for leaving. So, so sorry.

But Ryujin loudly asks, "Caviar?" pulling the attention of everyone at the table.

Behind her, waitstaff hold new plates, and everyone nods in agreement before continuing their conversations. And although you could pour your heart out now, Hoseok steals Namjoon's attention away, and you decide the moment has passed.

Food and drink continue to appear in waves, and suddenly, you are tipsy and full and tired. Namjoon stands to walk around the table and have a quiet conversation with Ryujin, and Jimin seizes the opportunity to steal his seat. He and Jeongguk discuss business operations at Paradise while you rest your head against his shoulder and close your eyes listening to the sound of his voice. He is alive. He is awake.

He speaks slower, and there is a rough quality to his voice that was not present before. It seems to take him more time to process what is said to him, and he reacts as if on a delay. But he is here and alive and awake.

Only when more kaoliang is poured, and Ryujin raises a toast do you sit up and take your cup. You barely hear what she shouts, booze and excitement slurring her speech, but you make out the words together, family, and happy, and you tap your small glass against as many as you can reach before shooting the strong liquid down.

A large, warm hand rests on your right knee, and as you set down your empty glass, you turn to find Yoongi watching you, glassy-eyed with a smile on his lips. You attempt to smile back but instead, swallow thickly and search for something to say. Luckily, he speaks first.

“Do you have any idea how difficult it has been without you at home?” Yoongi’s gaze becomes pained but remains soft, tugging at your heart.

And although the sentiment is sweet, you are unable to ignore the impossibility of his question. In fact, for some inexplicable reason—you suppose you must blame the alcohol—you become somewhat annoyed.

You ask, “How could I possibly know that? And anyway, don't you have your hands full as it is?”

Across the table, Jeongguk snickers. It takes Yoongi a second to react, and you are glad when the corners of his lips raise into another smile, even if just for a second.

“Being around those girls has made you sassier than you were before, darling,” he mutters under his breath.

You roll your eyes. “It has only been a week, darling.”

Leaning close, elbows on the table, Yoongi lowers his voice and says, “It only took me about a week to begin wearing you down.”

Arousal stirs from the tone of his voice, but so does your stomach. Being kidnapped and worn down is not exactly a topic that you delight in discussing. You must not show your dissatisfaction, however, because Yoongi leans in close and presses a soft, warm kiss against your cheek.

As the raucous dinner comes to an end and you begin to wish everyone a safe trip home, Jeongguk finally approaches. You have been holding back the urge to kick him in the shin all night, feeling somewhat scorned by his lack of attention.

"So you're going to stay with the girls?" he asks, standing close enough to wrap you in an embrace but keeping his arms to his sides.

You nod and find it hard to hold his eye contact, looking down at his satin-clad shoulder instead. Jeongguk lifts a hand and delicately places two fingers under your chin, tilting your head until you look him in the eyes. The contact of his skin against yours sends an electric current through you, and you shiver.

"Call me if you need anything. I can be to Busan in a matter of hours."

Sheepishly, you glance down again and mutter, "I don't have anyone's number anymore."

Jeongguk drops his hand, turns to the left, and says, "Seokjin-hyung! What the fuck, man?"

Arguing ensues, but you are too distracted by Namjoon wrapping his arms around your side and pressing his lips to your neck. Suddenly, your bones are jelly, and you stumble to the right, leaning your weight against his embrace. Yoongi joins, taking your chin in his hand in a similar fashion to Jeongguk, and tilting your lips against his.

"We'll be ready whenever you are," Namjoon insists, lips grazing over your skin. "Whatever you need…please don't shut us out."

Somewhere behind Namjoon, Seokjin shouts, "Yah! I'll upload everyone to her contact list. Quit fussing!"

"Okay," you mutter while smiling against Yoongi's retreating mouth, unable to find anything more substantial to say despite it all lying in wait at the tip of your tongue all night.

"We miss you," Yoongi says, pressing another kiss against your temple. "But we can wait if that is what you need."

Tears well and you fight the urge to sob. Not here, you tell yourself. Not now. You have already cried so much.

You hug everyone, even Seokjin and Hoseok. Jeongguk attempts to play it cool, but he stares at your lips the entire time, and you practically beg him to kiss you before ultimately letting him walk away. Jimin litters your cheeks and temples with loud, wet smooches, causing you to giggle and shriek.

Taehyung asks about your medication, making your heart ache from his kindness. You briefly inform him that you have been having no dizzy spells, and he promises to send you more medication as soon as you are in Busan.

Finally, Namjoon and Yoongi pull you into another three-way hug and take turns kissing your lips, cheeks, and forehead. They mutter soft, sweet phrases that you only make out the tones of, feeling the whooshing of your pulse as you begin to question whether you are making a huge mistake and should just grab your shit and go home.

And then, all waving and clambering out the door haphazardly, they are gone, and the room is quiet.

You sigh and glance around at the dregs of food and alcohol, feeling simultaneously full and empty in more ways than one. Tears fill the edges of your eyes, and you do your best not to blink, worried that any movement will cause them to spill.

Ryujin sighs loudly. "Alright, well, this was fun and all, but I want to get fucking laid. You girls down for a night on the town?"

You glance down at your outfit, ready to complain, only you look good enough to go to a nightclub and find you have nothing to say to the contrary. You even wear a pair of cozy black ballet slippers, which you slid on while feeling unsure whether you could handle so many tumultuous emotions while wearing heels, and for that, you are grateful.

"Sure," you utter while turning to Hwasa, who has a drunk but devious grin tugging on her lips. Her smile widens and she claps excitedly.

The drive to the nightclub is long, and you are exhausted by the time you arrive, having been fading in and out of a stupor. You feel more drunk than you had earlier, and you are tempted to suggest taking a cab back to the hideout alone. Of course, that would never fly. You can already hear Ryujin singing buddy system in your head.

Hwasa eagerly pulls you from the back of the car and chuckles as she rubs her fingertips along the edge of your hairline and says, "Poor sleeping beauty. We'll get you something that will wake you up, okay?"

You respond with a halfhearted smile and nod, and she takes your hand in hers and yanks you to the door, not bothering to stop for the security guard who, to your surprise, makes no move to stop you either. Inside, loud bass-heavy club music plays, and you are led through a series of hallways until you enter a large room full of the rest of Ryujin's girls and a group of men.

The room is dark and somewhat hazy, lit by strips of purple lights along the ceiling and floor. Short two or three-person sofas line the mirrored walls and are dispersed throughout the space, most of which are occupied. On tables set beside each sofa are bottles of champagne and piles of cocaine, with glasses large and small scattered throughout and topped with small lamps that emit very little light.

Ryujin approaches a man sitting amidst the chaos by himself, sitting hunched over with his elbows on his knees, thumbing through his cell phone. You are curious whether these men are people she knows, and you watch to see how familiar she is with the lone man, but Hwasa steps in your line of vision and takes your chin in both of her hands.

"Coke?" she asks.

You want to say no, proud of yourself for being off the shit for as long as you have been away from home. But you are certain that without it, you will not survive this night, so you nod and allow yourself to be tugged further into the room, to an unoccupied table.

"Don't worry, this is from our stash," Hwasa says as she picks up a discarded rolled-up 100-dollar Taiwanese bill and tightens it between her finger and thumb. "Moon and Solar were in charge of overseeing the distribution process."

You mutter, "How generous," doing your best to smile, and watch as Hwasa snorts a small pile into one nostril and then the other. When she hands the bill to you, you take in a deep, slow breath, and let it out, then lean forward to snort from the edge of the pile first into your left nostril and then your right.

As you let the bill fall to the table and tip your head back, sniffing in again on each side, you ask, "Does Ryujin know these men?"

"Mmhmm," Hwasa hums as she fills two glasses with champagne and hands one to you. "A few of these guys worked at Paradise while I was there, and some of them are from Serendipity. Maybe you know them."

"Oh," you say, pulling the glass to your lips but stopping to ask, "How did they end up here?"

Hwasa purses her lips and tilts her head, making a show of how hard she is trying to conjure the answer to your question. Then her eyes widen and she says, "Oh! Some guy started to come around to Serendipity and just sort of gathered the rest of these guys up as, like, a posse. I don't really know what they do, to be honest, but they always dress up in matching suits and cover their faces, which is creepy as hell."

Your stomach tenses, and you feel too anxious to turn your head to the left and figure out who Ryujin is talking to. Although you know that there is absolutely no way in hell it is Christian, something about the description of the men reminds you of his men, and you begin to wonder whether there really was credence to Yoongi's worry surrounding the possibility of Christian being on this island.

"What's his name?" you ask, voice barely loud enough to be heard over the music.

"Hmm?" Hwasa asks into her champagne glass as she leans closer.

You begin to glance over to where Ryujin and the man are, but your heart pounds so hard, you worry you might be sick if you see him.

"The man who gathered all the guys, from Serendipity, " you say, leaning closer.

"What's his name?"

"Oh," Hwasa says, taking a slow slip of her champagne while her wide, dark eyes stare past you. She blinks owlishly, then pulls the glass from her lips and says, "He has a nickname…Insanity? Something like that."

Unable to stop yourself, your head flies to the left, searching the features of the man whose lap Ryujin has claimed with her legs. His nose is sharp and somewhat hooked, and it is not a familiar shape. Worried, you glance around the room, but there is no sign of Christian, as far as you can tell.

"Something the matter?" Hwasa asks, touching fingertips to your arm and making you nearly drop your glass of champagne.

You must look frantic when you turn back to her, based on the fear that pulls at her pretty features. You blink and wet your lips, shaking your head. Unconvincingly, judging by the way her brows knit and she continues to stare at you.

"I just..." you swallow thickly and glance around the room once more, slowly scanning every face you can see. "I just thought he sounded familiar."

Hwasa makes a small sound, and you scan several more faces before returning your gaze to her and asking, "Huh?"

"It's just," she says, uncertain, "well, I heard he was previously working on Jeongguk's team, back when he was a drug runner. So…maybe he is familiar?"

Something is not adding up. Although Seokjin mentioned that he has kept Christian around to do whatever he pleases, it seems odd that he would be known to these women as someone who was once part of Jeongguk's team. As you recall from the day you were taken to the mansion, he did not seem to perform his drug-running duties to Yoongi's liking. Did Seokjin keep him on Jeongguk's team even after that day? Could he have had something to do with the group of men Jeongguk massacred with kunai knives for fucking him over?

You stare at your glass of champagne trying to make all the pieces fit, but it feels like you are missing a huge chunk of information.

Hands touch your shoulders, causing you to jump. You mutter, "Shit," under your breath at the same time Ryujin's high, somewhat mocking laughter fills your left ear.

"So sorry to scare you, pretty darling," she slurs, sounding quite inebriated.

"Don't worry about it," you say, attempting to loosen your posture. Ryujin's hands remain on your shoulders and you do not want her to feel how tense you are. But then she squeezes your shoulders and you close your eyes, this time succeeding in relaxing.

"How do you feel after such an emotional dinner?"

"Good," you respond while her thumbs circle over your muscles. You wonder whether she is the reason Hwasa always gives massages. Or perhaps it is the other way around. "And, I don't know. I guess also conflicted. Homesick."

Ryujin's hands fall away and she rests her chin on your left shoulder, loosely wrapping her arms around yours and pinning yours to your sides. Hwasa busies herself pouring a third glass of champagne.

"You really like them, hmm?" Ryujin asks.

"Yeah," you say, possibly too quiet for how loud the music in this room is. "Most of them, anyway."

The last part is a joke. You like Seokjin and Hoseok just fine, but you are certainly not as close to them as you are to the others. Taehyung, too, for that matter, although he has had the pleasure of watching his boyfriend rail you, which has formed its own kind of bond between the two of you.

"What is your relationship with the guys?" she asks.

Hwasa hands her a glass, and she releases her hold on you and takes it, muttering a soft, "Thank you."

You turn to face Ryujin. Although you still hesitate to become too close to her, you do feel comfortable in her presence, all things considered. If Yoongi is willing to trust her again, then perhaps you should be, too.

"Yoongi, Namjoon, and I are a thing." After a pause, you add, "And…sort of Jeongguk."

Ryujin's mouth falls open and she gasps. "I need to know more!"

You feel your cheeks become hot, and you pick up your glass of champagne, which Hwasa has filled. But rather than explain, you ask something that has been on your mind for a while.

"Before, when you and Yoongi were together, was Namjoon…" Unsure how to finish the sentence, you trail off. Luckily, Ryujin knows just what you mean.

She nods. "Yes. Romantically, those two have always been the closest. Namjoon and I were never super physical. We were just very, very comfortable around one another because of Yoongi."

Interesting. You suppose this makes sense, remembering a conversation between you and Jimin a while back when he told you about how marrying Ryujin was a means to an end more than anything else.

"Yoongi and I were meant to bring two families together. And, don't get me wrong, we were physically and emotionally attracted to one another. But we also had more fulfilling relationships on the side. For Yoongi, it was Namjoon."

"And for you?" you ask before you can stop yourself.

Ryujin smiles wide, but then it falls to a frown. She shakes her head. "Doesn't matter. Nobody you know."

You nod and accept her answer. You suppose that perhaps the two of you are not that close, yet. In tandem, you and Ryujin raise your glasses to drink. But then she yells, "Oh!" and you startle enough to nearly spill your champagne onto yourself. "Jeongguk, though! What happened with him?"

You tip your head back and chug the rest of your bubbly. It is truly miserable to drink quickly, and you instantly regret your decision, feeling the carbonation sloshing around in your guts.

"We, uh…" you begin, feeling shy. Why do you feel shy?

"You should see those two," Hwasa interjects, causing your face to heat even more. "They bicker like children but then circle one another like feral animals. I can only imagine their chemistry behind closed doors."

Affronted, your mouth falls wide. "We what? No we do not!"

Hwasa nods, grinning. "Yes, you do! I thought the two of you were fucking for sure when I first started working for Jimin. I was shocked to learn Jeongguk was with Taehyung and you were with Yoongi."

"And Namjoon," Ryujin supplies.

Hwasa's grin widens.

You raise your hands to your face as if to hide. This day has been exhausting, and these two are giggling at your expense like a couple of school girls.

"Oh, stop," Hwasa says as one of your hands is tugged down from your face. You open just the one eye, keeping the other closed tight behind your palm. "Everyone wants a piece of your ass. Don't be shy about it! Embrace it."

With a sigh, you shake your head. "Not everyone," you groan, feeling defensive.

"Everyone with eyes," Ryujin says, waggling her eyebrows while Hwasa makes kissy noises. "I would shoot my shot if you weren't already so taken."

Hwasa nods and says, "Me too!"

Suddenly, it is too warm and too loud in here. "I need a stronger drink!" you declare, making both women laugh.

You take a step back and turn, moving in autopilot toward the door before realizing you have no idea where you are nor where a bar in this building is.

Ryujin takes your right hand and yanks you gently back, sing-songing, "Ah, ah, ah, not by yourself."

"Alright," you concede, interlocking your fingers with hers. As you begin to walk toward the exit, your left hand is engulfed and you glance to find Hwasa is coming along.

You exit the mirrored room and turn right, taking a dark hallway about halfway and then turning right once more, through a thick black curtain that is guarded by two men on the other side. There is a bar directly to the right, and Ryujin tugs you to the counter and orders a bottle of whiskey that you do not catch the name of.

With a nod, the bartender grabs an unopened bottle from a high shelf and then delicately stacks three medium-sized glasses. Hwasa takes the glasses, Ryujin takes the whiskey, and your hands remain held by both of theirs.

Back in the mirrored room, you return to the table off to the right, toward the back. The girls release your hands to pour three drinks, and you fidget by pinching the satin of your skirt between your thumbs and knuckles, suddenly feeling antsy.

"Cheers," Ryujin declares as she slides a drink in front of you. You take it, hold it up, and tap it against their glasses, then pull it to your lips and smell the strong, bittersweet liquid before taking a sip.

The potent, boozy caramel flavor that you have come to expect is accented by a hint of something earthy, possibly wood. You take a bigger drink, hold it on your tongue, allowing your taste buds to open and fully experience the onslaught as they adjust, and then you swallow it down.

"Tomorrow, we return to Busan," Ryujin says for the second time tonight as the whiskey flows down into your chest, filling you with warmth. You look forward to being at a proper home rather than on some random floor in a balmy, empty building.

"I'm looking forward to seeing your home," you say, sounding far more meek than you intend to.

"I'm looking forward to hosting you."

Hwasa leans her elbows on the table and says, "You finally get to have your own room. That is, of course, unless you want to stay with me."

The playful smile on Hwasa's face, paired with her tired and intoxicated bloodshot eyes is almost enough to make you melt. Almost enough to make you follow her into any room she wants to lead you into.

When you shrug and say, "Honestly, I may be too lonely to sleep alone," you are being brutally honest, and not all all flirtatious.

"I can even decorate it like your room in the mansion," Ryujin says. "Is it still yellow?"

Her words halt your movement of lifting your glass back to your lips. "How did you know that?"

Ryujin rolls her eyes and says, "Please, nothing about that man has changed, down to the way he likes to outfit you. It's exactly as it was seven years ago."

Bile swirls around in your tummy, and you set the glass down on the mirrored table with a clank that is louder than you intend. Could that be true? Is Yoongi really outfitting you in the same fashion he was outfitting her all those years ago.

Hwasa clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth and swats at Ryujin's arm, muttering, "Mother, don't say things like that to her," under her breath.

You shake your head, determined to not show how strange the information makes you feel. But Ryujin turns, pouts dramatically, and wraps her arms around you.

"Oh, sweetie, I don't mean to suggest he was trying to turn you into a second me. He just seems to have the same tastes and fashion sense, is all. Trust me, he loves you way more than he could ever love me. I can tell."

You have no idea whether Ryujin is being truthful or trying to make you feel better, but you decide that either way, you see no use in dwelling on it. You are going to be living under her roof for the foreseeable future, and becoming upset whenever she says something a little too blunt, snippy, or insensitive is not going to get you anywhere.

With a nod, you say, "I know. Don't worry." But it only makes her squeeze you tighter.

"Just look at his bullshit excuse for taking you home with him," she says. "Collateral, my ass."

What an odd statement. You ask, "What do you mean?" But what you really mean to say is what do you know?

"The man takes you as so-called payment from your ex but then spends millions of dollars on a wardrobe, an armored vehicle, the most lavish birthday party in all of Seoul. Make it fucking make sense!"

Ryujin releases the hug, and as soon as you are free, you slam back your whiskey and pick up the 100-dollar bill, squeezing it tighter into a tube. Ryujin whoops and claps as you lean close and snort from the edge of the cocaine pile into your left nostril and then your right.

"Mommy needs some, too," she says as she takes the bill from your hand and leans forward.

You tip your head back and raise a knuckle to each nostril, sniffing deeply to make sure none of the drug is stuck inside your nose cavity, then you stand up straight, stretching your back by pushing forward your chest, and reach for the bottle of whiskey.

"Partying so hard without me?" a male voice asks from behind you, and you nearly drop the bottle.

The tone, the accent, and the cadence all confirm your fears are true.

"Christian?" you mutter as you spin, and you almost do not believe your eyes.

From the expression he wears and the way his gaze falls to the floor, eyes widening as they lift to your face, you wager he also cannot believe his.

Christian steps forward and you take a step back, elbow hitting the table and causing you to grip tighter to the bottle of whiskey.

"Barom-oppa!" Ryujin shouts as she pounces on Christian, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Hey there, dearie," he says, lifting his arms to return the hug, never taking his eyes off you.

Christian looks somewhat normal compared to the last time you saw him, with a white and red floral button-up tucked into black slacks, and a black leather blazer. His hair has some product in it to give it a slightly messy style, falling in front of his eyes, and he wears minimal makeup.

But there is a darkness to him. Smudges around the eyes rather than clean lines, tattoos on his throat and neck. On his left hand, he wears a black leather driving glove, and across his nose is a red scuff, as if he has been punched. Under the rich musk that fills the air around him, you sense the stale smell of cigarette smoke, and he has silver hoops in his ears and one in his left nostril.

A lot has changed about Christian in the months since you have known him.

Ryujin releases their hug and takes a step back, causing Christian to look down at himself and rub his hands down the front of his jacket as if her tiny body could have somehow managed to do anything to the leather. Then he stands up straight and shakes his head to the side just enough for his hair to move out from in front of his eyes, and you realize that his left eye is completely white. Is it…missing?

"Oh my god, your eye!" you shout, lunging forward before you can stop yourself and raising your left hand toward his face while your right hand nearly drops the whiskey bottle once more.

Christian takes your wrist in his gloved hand and holds firmly onto you, and your entire body flushes hot with nerves as you realize the mistake you have made. The way his gaze holds onto you, even with only one dark iris and pupil, is piercing and intense, and you attempt futility to pull your hand away.

"Funny story how I lost that," he says, expression pulling into a strange, sad grin. He leans close, nicotine on his breath as he says, "I'll have to tell you some time."

You pull on your arm, desperate to release it, but his grip is far stronger than you remember. Should you be afraid of this man?

"Christian," you begin, glancing from your hand to his face.

"Perhaps over drinks, some time," he continues. "Just the two of us."

You nod, willing to lie to him if it means letting you go. Panic rises as you continue to take stock of how different he is from the man you used to know.

Ryujin takes the whiskey from your hand, sets it on the table, and then grabs his hand in both of hers as she says, "Alright, that is enough of that. I need you two to play nice."

The room returns to view, and you remember why you are here and who you are with. You realize belatedly that these two not only know each other but that they are friendly with one another.

"Wait," you say, turning to Ryujin, "you told Yoongi—"

"Look, I lied to him," she says, cutting you off.

Your mouth falls open and your pulse whooshes in your ears. "You…but…" Could she possibly know what she has done by bringing the two of you together? "Why?"

Ryujin chuckles and steps close to Christian, placing her dainty, manicured hands over his chest. "Oppa is harmless. You know that! And Yoongi…well, he's paranoid. Trust me, darling. Nothing bad will happen to you."

You are not so sure you are convinced, but you know that freaking out will do nobody any good. Especially when you are so far away from home. You are not eager to show any more weakness to any of these people. Especially the one they call Mister Insanity.

Someone shouts for Christian, using the name Barom, and you turn quickly back to the table. Your glass contains more whiskey, courtesy of one of the women, you assume, and you pick up the glass with shaking hands and slam it down, then reach for the bottle again.

Intoxication roils through you in hot waves, and you squeeze your eyes closed to take a deep breath in and out before shooting more whiskey. A small hand touches your lower back, and you wish you were curled up in a bed all by yourself, far away from these people and this music. You are tired of being touched.

"I know it's weird to see an ex," Ryujin says. "Sorry for surprising you like this. He told me he wouldn't be around tonight."

"How did he lose his eye?" you ask, focused on the wrong thing as you turn to face Ryujin. You tremble so hard that your teeth clatter.

Her smile falls to a frown and she shakes her head. "That isn't my story to tell."

You nod, accepting her answer, and turn to Hwasa, who watches you with a concerned expression. You mouth the word, "Bathroom?" and she nods and rounds the table, taking you by the arm.

"Down the hall to the left," Ryujin says.

As you walk through the room, you squint, attempting to ignore all the movement in the mirrors in your periphery. It's too much. Everything is too much.

The darkness of the hallway is a blessing and a curse, relieving you from the chaos of the private room while introducing challenges of its own; it is almost too dark and somewhat claustrophobic.

You stumble and Hwasa's hold on you tightens. She picks up the pace and leads you straight into a single-stall bathroom, then turns on a light that is thankfully relatively dim. The moment she closes and locks the door, you stumble forward, fall to your knees on the rough tile before the toilet, and vomit the contents of your stomach.

Your mind races with myriad thoughts, but one is the loudest of them all: What the fuck is Christian doing here?

Oh, oh, I broke down all my doors Oh, do you see it now? Nothing was fixed at all

I never asked to be like this

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hello, hello!!! we meet again!!! i hope you have all been having great middle of the year months! things have been ok for me but i have been reading a lot more than i have been writing. how did you feel about this one??? it is a little slower, as it is setting the stage for the final chapters. any guess how things are going to go? how do we feel about the new (and returned) characters??? it felt really nice to writing Jimin into the scene again. 💜 i'll be honest, describing Ryujin & the Mamamoo girls laying on the rugs and blankets made me think of Quanxi and her harem of fiends from Chainsaw Man.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!! REBLOGS ARE IMPORTANT BLAHBLAHBLAH LIKES ARE ALSO AMAZING AND SO ON. 💜 tags will be coming in reblogs. also, character asks are always active if you have some burning questions or comments (just don't expect me to outright spoil anything hehehe.)

i love you, stay hydrated!!! if you are somewhere with a heatwave, stay cool!!! 😘😘😘 until we meet again!!!

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#youremychaos #my chell 🐚🥺💜#reader reviews #fic: collateral

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