#i think that's it i think that's the reason i'm still struggling

[backinmyphase]

Part 1

Thinking about how obsessed King of Curses Sukuna is with you, you, who was originally just a gift from a village.

Lord Sukuna, who is oblivious to the reason why he treats you differently, who thinks you are just the most intriguing person he had seen in years. He didn't know it was over for him the moment he saw your standing there, anger obvious behind your loosely mask. You looked at him with these challenging eyes and raised your head, making that snappy comment. Normally he would have killed you right then and there.

But he didn't. In fact he doesn't even know why he had burned down that village for you.

And now you were sitting in his estate, always with that scowl on your face.

Why did he allow you to eat with him? Why did he order you to eat with him? He doesn't know. But he didn't want you to eat without him, which he just can't explain to himself.

He couldn't explain why he made sure Uraume was watching over you. Didn't know why he gave you your own chamber, so many new clothes and why he gave you permission to go inside his library. Something inside him was just telling him that was right.

And that something inside of him was so angry to see you falling into yourself. To see you neglecting your health over weeks.

It was evening.

Like always, there was a big dinner prepared for the king and he had ordered you to eat with him. But you didn't touch your food, no you just sat there, looking at your plate to avoid his gaze. Oh, he didn't like that.

He stopped eating, narrowing his eyes on your cowering figure. "Why are you not eating."

"Not hungry." your voice was hoarse but still snappy like always.

"You need to eat."

He glanced at Uraume, who shook their head. A silent note you didn't have any sickness.

You picked at the food, but still no sign of actual eating. And god, did it drive him crazy. You were driving him crazy. Your never leaving scowl and your constant denying of everything he had laid out. He just didn't get you.

He didn't know why he even bothered. But he still spoke up.

"What is on your mind?"

You looked up at him. There was no scowl, like he thought, no there was just a shimmer of exhaustion and maybe frustration.

"What am I even doing here, my Lord?" your voice didn't have any sharp in it. "I'm no servant for you, no concubine, not even a jester or anything like that. Why am I here?"

Silence flooded the room. Because you had just asked the question Sukuna asked himself every day. Why did he even bring you here?

He was clueless. Or that was what his brain was telling him.

He inspected you, your almost pleading eyes and he didn't like how you looked at him. He didn't like the almost hopeless look in your eyes.

"Did you want to stay with these people, is it that?" he took a sip of wine.

"No, we both know it's not that." you muttered, taking a deep breath. "Why do I not work for you? Why are you so -"

He raised an eyebrow at you as you struggled to find the right word. Then you finally shook your head.

"Why are you so nice to me?"

He couldn't help but chuckle, a grin following. "You mean, why has the King of Curses not killed me yet?"

You scoffed. "Yes."

"Well you see," he stopped for a moment, before speaking again. "I find you fascinating. And I like to know what I find fascinating."

You rolled your eyes, another thing he only liked when you did it. "So I'm here to be watched like an animal because the King finds me exotic, how kind."

He started to grow impatient, he didn't know why. "You think I would let a meekly animal into my library and give them their own chambers? You think lowly of me."

You started to blink at him, confusion visible on your face. It was his turn to scoff now.

"You're fascinating because I don't get you. And I want to know you. That's why I brought you here." At least that's what he thought.

You turned completely silent, your eyes now looking down onto your plate again.

"That's why you don't 'work' for me, I don't want you to. I don't need you to." he took another sip. "You just shouldn't get your hands dirty."

He looked at you, waiting for a response. Watching how you avoided his gaze, how you gulped. For a second your eyes flicked up to look at him, but went down immediately as your eyes meet his.

"Stop." you were muttering again.

"What?"

"Staring at me like that."

"Why?" He grinned, lowering his voice. "You know I like to stare."

He saw a faint tint of blush on the part of your face he could see. You were silent for a while until you cleared your throat. "I can't eat with you staring at me like that."

. . .

"Alright, I can leave you alone to eat." he stood up. "But you have to now. Eat."

A small chuckle escaped you. "Is that an order?"

"No, it's a request." With that he turned around, leaving to go to his chambers.

You waited til he left the room to breathe. Your body finally relaxing. You looked at Uraume.

"He sounds like he is in... Does he know how he sounds?"

Uraume shook their head. "No, he has no clue. But he wants you to eat, so please do."

@thequeenofcurses

[grimaldiapologist]

dealing you this like radioactive contraband before I go back to pretending I can't draw

[writingwisterias]

How the different eras of Leon react when you tease them? (Wolf whistle, hand on their hip, slapping their ass, etc) gotta make that gorgeous man blush!!! >:)))

Hi Anon!

I bet he has the prettiest blush ever as well omg..

Warnings: Fluff, Teasing, I love Leon blushing sm he would look so pretty

GN!Reader

RE2:

I think it would be really funny if you slapped his ass whilst at home

Like hes still getting used to the whole domestic situation after Raccoon City

So let's say he's bent over to do something, vaugly forgets you are even there and then you slap it

He sort of like jolts slightly, definitely blushes like a dark pink blush

He whips his head around so fast in just pure shock only to be met with your wild grin.

Would also eventually get afraid to walk up the stares in front of you.

It's not your fault it's in your face and just so perfect and squishy.

You could never do it in front of people he knows, maybe a little squeeze if you are stood next to him.

Or even a small pinch if you walked by him

But he would get embarrassed by it and give you such a sad puppy look that it makes you feel bad.

RE4R:

So his arms right...HUGE

You just can't resist touching them.

Like you will come up to him and either poke it or like full on squeeze.

Get goosebumps if you use your finger to follow the outline of his muscles or veins.

The same with his hands, I know he's got the veiny hands underneath his gloves.

Will get flustered if you hold his hand and make sure all the blood runs to it so they really pop.

Also blushes if you leave little bite marks on his arms.

Infinite darkness:

He's not afraid to wolf whistle you so why can't you return it.

He does it all the time to you it's only fair

The only thing is, yours is louder

I think he acts like he wants to be the center of attention. Everyone knows who is so he's normally the center of attention anyway.

But if you whistle him and suddenly everyone stops what they are doing he'll glare at you

Impressed by the volume of the wolf whistle but will glare at you.

You will also do it if you leave him in an aisle at the store to go and get something but then you walk around to the other side and scare him with it

Like I'm saying full on jump you almost feel bad

Eventually gets the idea and will stop doing it to you as much

Damnation:

Piggy backs

I'm talking like you both head out to the bar to get drunk...of course he needs a drink buddy

You get so drunk that you can barely walk so you put your faith in him to either get back to your place or his place

Eventually he gives up and just crouched in front of you

Even though he's the one that initiated the action he's still like freaking out in his head

Because you trust him enough to get back safely

But he's also blushing because he loves the way that you are fitting on him and how you feel against him

RE6:

Sitting on his lap

Like doesn't matter if there's a chair free or whatever

Just perching on him optionally is enough to make this man blush

Because like what's the reason. His head doesn't compute

There's clearly a perfectly good chair why have you chosen to sit on his lap in front of everyone?

He's not arguing, like he's smitten

He loves the fact you like him enough that you'll just sit in his lap

But he just doesn't understand why

Vendetta:

Talking positively about him

Like not praising him to his face, but like just actively talking about him

Say your at a family event and he had a good mission

You're just boasting about how great he is at what he does

You know he hates the job and is struggling but everyone else seems impressed and almost thankful for his work

I think he would hate it, the fact you are talking about him in this way and its almost teasing to him because he feels like he doesn't deserve it

But when he actually takes in what you are saying he will blush and stutter because in his mind how can you say all of this about him?

Like he's just a drunk overworked agent in his mind

But in yours he's like a hero

Death Island:

Laying your head in his lap

Like first of all you are dangerously close to a certain area so you are teasing in that way

Secondly he's blushing because why are you so cute like this

His hand just instantly goes for hair and playing with it, stroking your head like some kind of cat

Imagine like everyone around and you just do it because you always do

And he's just awkward because he doesn't want his friends to think a softie but it's also comforting

But to make it worse you nudge your head back and accidentally brush against something that makes him very red in the face

[arandomao3user]

As an Ao3 author, I love giving headcanons that'd probably anger a certain side of the Batman fandom, but I personally don't care because it makes great angst and, again, I'm an Ao3 author and chronically ill!

First up! Dick Grayson, I like the idea of him having ADHD, of course, BUT... joint hypermobility syndrome.

(Joint Hypermobility Syndrome: Joint hypermobility syndrome is a connective tissue disorder. Thick bands of tissue (ligaments) hold your joints together and keep them from moving too much or too far out of range. In people with joint hypermobility syndrome, those ligaments are loose or weak. If you have joints that are more flexible than normal and it causes you pain, you may have joint hypermobility syndrome.)

Chronic pain fits him, don't ask, because as the eldest child with chronic pain and hypermobiltiy syndrome, trust, he has that look in his eye that he's been walking on swollen knees for the past twelve hours, had three mental breakdowns, and is still pushing through because SOMEBODY has to deal with this bull.

That's also the reason he wears freakin' spandex-- only, it's for compression! He wears compression items to help with swelling and pain TRUST, and let me have this because the math maths (it probably doesn't, but let me have this.)

He's got chronic fatigue, he's gotten used to popping dislocated joints back into place, Bruce was so confused how he dislocated and sprained so many bones so quickly when out as Robin. It's genetic, of course, Bruce finds. But he has money, and Dick powers through it all! Till he develops arthritis in his early thirties/ late twenties and actually hates everything because WHAT AND WHY--

---

Next up! JASON TODD! I have no proof, evidence, and it doesn't have to make sense but I like giving him asthma sometimes for the angst potential of if he didn't have it, he wouldn't have died in the explosion.

He didn't die from said explosion, nor JUST the smoke inhalation, but because he had an asthma attack, on the ground, bones broken, unable to breath because his inhaler did NOT survive the blast, if he even had it on him.

And that's why he wears helmet with so, so many filters in it now...

Also, being a street kid who struggles to even get his medication that keeps him alive? Peak angst, being to poor to afford your medication because the American healthcare system is actually trashy garbage.

R.I.P. Jason Todd, you would've loved clean air--

---

ANEMIC TIM DRAKE! But I up you, Tim Drake with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS)

(POTS: Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) is a condition that causes your heart to beat faster than normal when you transition from sitting or lying down to standing up. It’s a type of orthostatic intolerance.)

Read ONE SINGLE FIC/ SERIES with this and I've loved it since because what do you mean he randomly falls asleep anywhere? No, forget your canon, he passed out and people think he just fell asleep... NOpe, he passed out, sorry random lady he was on a date with!

(The majority of people are AFAM but we aren't ready for my trans Tim headcanons yet either.)

(You’re at a higher risk of developing POTS after experiencing the following stressors:

Significant illnesses, such as viral illnesses like mononucleosis or serious infections.

Physical trauma, such as a head injury.)

Ngl, my dude gets a LOT of physical trauma (and mental--) also, losing a spleen? Surgery and at risk of viral illnesses? I'm sorry, but I need him to suffer more because I like when Tim Drake suffers horribly.

Now, despite having this condition, I am no expert, but also his caffiene/ energy drink addiction is from chronic fatigue, he shouldn't drink it, it's not healthy or good for him, but he stopped caring between the spleen loss and whatever the "Drake" run he did was because what even was that name?--

---

Damian is autistic and I will DIE ON THAT HILL--

No, I won't explain and you can't make me.

---

[monsters00km]

I like to think Cassandra would have loved Vi.

Not like right away. But more than Tobias.

The main reason is that most of what we know about her is from Caitlyns' perspective. And honestly is makes sense that a 23 year old who still lives at home and has a mother that is powerful feels the way she does about her mom.

But I think about how Cassandra's protectiveness benefits Marcus. Marcus wanted to keep Caitlyn at arms length and Cassandra wanted Caitlyn safe. So I have always wondered if Marcus used this and kept Caitlyn away from more things and blamed it on Cassandra.

This is the big issue between Cassandra and Caitlyn. Her pursuit of her career. And Jayce makes the comment about it not being an esteemed career, and that's the issue. But this is never confirmed by Cassandra.

And what do we know for sure? Cassandra had Caitlyn removed from the force after her was hurt and almost killed. What if this is the actual reason? Regardless of your opinion on enforcers, their line of work would probably be some of the most dangerous in the city. And we are also told she had Caitlyn put on the tent during progress day. She wouldn't do that bc she thinks Caitlyn is above being an enforcer. Actually, they wouldn't make sense at all bc if she's embarrassed by Caitlyn being an enforcer, why make her watch your tent? Bc it wasn't about that. It was about watching Caitlyn and keeping her safe.

And I am not saying she doesn't want Caitlym to be a council member. I'm sure she does. But just bc she wants that doesn't mean she would actively push that. But it is very understandable to actively push for your kid to be safe.

But the 2 things I keep circling back to om why she would have loved Vi is respect and Caitlyn.

I think the reason Cassandra gives Caitlyn that head nod to go after Vi is bc of how Vi acted in the council chambers. Vi just stood in front of the council and basically yelled at them for not doing enough for Zaun.

And we find out in s2 Cassandra made the air clean for Zaun. This doesn't seem like known information. Which means Cassandra helped Zaun not for the praise or recognition, but bc she thought it was the right thing to do.

And Vi just stood in front of the council and showed no fear, and asked them to help Zaun. And yelled at them when they said no. I'm inclined to think Cassandra would have respected that. She may not have thought it was smart. But she would have respected it.

Then we have Caitlyn. Cassandra is never shown pushing relationships onto Caitlyn. Cassandra would know the struggle of being known as a kiramman and not just Cassandra. Vi wears her heart on her sleeve. Another thing that happens in that council meeting is Vi and Caitlyn looking at each other as if the other hung the moon.

I think Cassandra recognized very quickly that Caitlyn had fallen for Vi. And she could see those feelings were returned.

I think Caitlyn is way more like Cassnadra than Tobias. And i think Cassandra knew her daughter better than the audience gives her credit for. From what we have seen of Tobias. We know he wanted to punish Jayce for the explosion in s1 act 1. Not Cassandra. Cassandra sides with Caitlyn to help Jayce. And in s2 act1 he clearly doesn't like Vi. Or that she is there. And he doesn't support Caitlyn at all in s2. Yes. He is grieving. But Caitlyn is grieving and struggling with blaming herself and the weight of filling Cassandra's shoes. And he isn't there for her. And Vi is. And he doesn't seem to realize that Vi is not only helping to support his daughter. But that Caitlyn wants Vi there. It's all over her face.

And yes, we can address the "oh look a stray" comment. But Cassandra wasn't surprised Caitlyn brought a girl home through her window. The stary comment feels more directed at Caitlyn than Vi. Like it's a jab at how she snuck another girl in through the window. Which would imply that Caitlyn isn't serious about Vi.

Then we have Caitlyn and Cassandra's conversation. And how not only did Cassandra let Caitlyn and Vi believes alone in her bedroom afterwords (Yes they are adults but it is still Cassandra's house she could have demanded they can't be in there alone). But Cassandra did what Caitlyn thought Jayce would do. She helped her. She didn't tell her she was wrong. She didn't push back on her. She got her into the meeting with the council.

This got bigger than expected. But I just have a lot to say about it. I know they are small characters based on their screen time. But their impact on Caitlyn is so important and vital to the story. And the more i think about Cassandra, the more i think people really mischaracterize her. I think she loved Caitlyn and her biggest fault was trying to protect her.

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 78: Oliver's Awakening

Previous > Masterlist

tw: aftermath of mind control, discussion of abuse

October 1925

Oliver writhed on the ground, his chest as tight as a drum and tears squeezing from his eyes, as all the fear and pain and shame that had been suppressed the past few months flooded him.

He'd been content, so content to give up his own life to become the servant of a vampire, hardly even struggling as he was taken and confined and ensorcelled. He'd enjoyed the vile feedings, looking forward to the vampire drinking away his blood, pleased to slump over in the vampire's arms as his life was drained, satisfied with the twin scars on his neck. He'd cheerfully allowed the vampire to pass him around like a party favor to his lover, to curl up around him as he slept, to dress him up in ball gowns and take him to vampire dens to show off…

But truly, it wasn't the shame that hurt the most -- that was just the easiest of his emotions to understand. No, the worst of it was the profound sense of emptiness. It was if Alexander's music had filled something within him he hadn't known was empty. It had given him a purpose, even if it was to follow the selfish whims of a monster, and now he was devoid. Knowing intellectually that it had never been a real purpose, just enslavement, didn't ease the sting of his heart.

Vivian crouched down and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Oliver, I know it's a lot to process. It might take days or weeks --"

"You don't know!" Oliver wrenched backwards to get away from her, furious. "You don't know what you just took. You can't!"

"I know it must hurt --"

"If you knew it would hurt like this, then why did you do it against my wishes?" Oliver demanded.

"Oliver!" Emily was standing nearby. "She was just trying to help. It's not fair to yell at her like that."

"It's not fair that I feel like this!"

"Leave him alone," said Vivian. "Let him scream at me if he wants. He's coming out of a much deeper enthrallment than you were in, Emily. It won't be easy."

"That's not true," she said indignantly. "I could barely talk, couldn't remember my past, wasn't even literate any more."

"Yes, and that's relatively easy for a vampire to do. What's been done to Oliver is far more precise and insidious, to keep him so intact on the surface while bending his desires and loyalties completely."

"Do you mind talking about me as though I'm not even here?" Oliver hated how angry he was, how he couldn't control the harshness of his voice. He was never angry, never so much as raised his voice at a difficult customer, not before he was captured. Even then, his anger had been weak, easily plucked out of his head by that damned Miss Lily. He felt sick to think of himself drowsing in her company, letting her rummage through his very mind, throw out anything she didn't like, and replacing his truth with a pretty painted facade.

"I'm sorry," said Vivian. "I know you're upset with me, but this is important. Can you still feel the connection with your former master?"

"No. It's been severed. I can't hear him anymore."

"That's good. With a vampire that powerful, it's likely that your connection is actually only weakened, not entirely destroyed. He may try to enter your head again, draw you under his sway."

Oliver nodded, ashamed that a part of him hoped he would, that Alexander's music would dull the pain. No, he would have to resist somehow. He couldn't go through all of this heartache for no reason, to go merrily skipping back into the arms of a vampire. Vivian's magic had stripped away the illusion, revealed the monster behind the handsome face.

"I'll try to resist," said Oliver shakily.

"Good, that's good. If you hear his voice, you need to tell me immediately, all right? I can help protect you, or wash out his influence again if we need to," she said. "It's my fault for not killing him when I had the chance. I was a coward. And now I'll have to plan to go after him again, before he hunts me down."

"Don't kill him!" Oliver's fervor surprised even him.

"Oliver, you'll never be safe until I do."

"I know that, but -- I don't want him to die. Maybe I should want him to die, maybe I'm still under his spell, but I can't bring myself to want him to die," he said, not understanding why he felt so strongly about this when he knew Alexander's true nature.

"He took you from your bookshop, remember?" said Emily. "The whole time we were in those cages -- at least, before Lily warped our minds -- that's all you could talk about, was your bookshop and how you had to return there. Don't you want to?"

His bookshop, and the tiny apartment above. His little safe haven, where he'd spent his entire life. The antique books locked behind the counter, the sagging shelves of the history section, the ratty armchair with the throw blankets that might still be waiting for him.

"I can't go back there," he said. "Alexander was one of my customers. He'd find me easily."

"That's why I have to kill him," said Vivian.

Mounting horror dawned on Oliver. "But even if you did kill him, it wouldn't do any good, because his sire would find out and hunt us both down. I'm sure of it."

"His sire? A vampire that powerful, and he's still beholden to his sire?"

"He's a terrifying vampire." The fear, which had been acute before, was now so much more sharp without Alexander's soothing influence. He could remember the feel of harsh fangs in his neck all too well, the panic of being unable to open his eyes. "Far more terrifying than Alexander could ever be. Alexander once told me that if we ever tried to escape him, he'd hunt us both down and make sport of it, and I believe him."

"It can't be…" Vivian muttered. "Tell me more about him, your former master's sire."

As much as Oliver didn't care to recall those memories, Vivian might actually be able to help. "I'll tell you whatever information I have. I'd be happy to see him die, and Alexander would, too. I don't know his real name, but they all call him the Maestro --"

"You've met him?" She gripped his shoulders like a madwoman. "You've actually met the Maestro?"

"Unfortunately, yes. You've heard of him?"

"He took my mother. He's the vampire I need to kill more than any other. You must tell me everything you know about him."

"I'm sorry about your mother," he said. "I can tell you everything I've learned about him, if you agree that you won't kill Alexander."

"Even if I were convinced you truly meant that and it wasn't just residual conditioning, I couldn't agree to that. Alexander is likely to come after me for taking you, and if he does, I need to be able to defend myself."

"I suppose that's true," said Oliver reluctantly. He didn't want to admit to himself that it would be ideal if Vivian were to kill the Maestro but spare Alexander, so that he would have the option of returning to the vampire without the threat of his sire hanging over their heads.

No, he must still be under the spell. He shouldn't return to Alexander under any circumstances, not if he wanted to keep a free thought in his head.

"You need to tell me," Vivian insisted. "Revenge on the Maestro is one of the main reasons I became a hunter in the first place. It wasn't just my mother who suffered. He's killed at least twenty hunters, and he's believed to have kidnapped a number of musicians and stage performers. He needs to be stopped."

"He does." Oliver sighed, feeling that tiny bit of leverage slip. "All right. I'll tell you what I know."

He tried to recall everything he could for Vivian's sake -- everything Lex had told him, and especially recounting his own experiences with the cruel vampire. Emily sat nearby, her eyes going wide with horror as Oliver described his blinding and the painful feeding. Vivian, on the other hand, was absorbing all of Oliver's words carefully.

"So when he controlled you -- was there any sort of induction he had to perform? Any conditions he had to meet?"

"I don't think so, or at least I don't remember any. Alexander didn't mention any either. He was able to puppet my body as easily as if I were a toy, and there didn't seem to be any way to resist it."

"Hm. That's going to be trouble," said Vivian, deep in thought. "And when he stopped you from opening your eyes again -- how long did it take for that enthrallment to wear off?"

"It didn't. The next day, Alexander took me to Miss -- to another vampire's home, one that specializes in hypnotizing humans, and she reversed the Maestro's command."

"A specialist in hypnotizing humans? Lily?"

"You know her too?"

"Yes, I'm aware of her."

"Are you going to kill her, too?"

"I really should, considering how many people's minds she's destroyed -- or are you going to defend her as well?"

"…No." Truthfully, he felt more conflicted about it than he should, given that Vivian was objectively correct. How many human minds had she stolen? How many lives had she cut short, selling innocent people off to vampires with nothing more than glee about her profits? She was the one who had twisted his mind, and all those feelings of comfort and warmth as he slept in her chair were nothing more than lies to keep him docile.

"So do have any idea where the Maestro lives?"

"No, I'm sorry. Those are the only two times I encountered him, and Alexander never mentioned where he lives, from what I can recall."

Vivian sighed. "It's a pity. But even so, you've given me far more information than I had yesterday, and I'm grateful for it."

"You know… both you and Alexander want the Maestro dead. Could you ever consider working together?" asked Oliver.

"Working with a vampire?"

"Only this one specific time, only to kill an even worse vampire!"

"I can't do that," said Vivian. "Even if we do have the same goal. Fighting a vampire as formidable as the Maestro would leave me vulnerable, and I can't trust that this Alexander wouldn't simply enthrall me afterwards. In fact, he'd be stupid not to, lest I kill him."

Oliver wanted to protest that Alexander wouldn't do that… except that Alexander might actually do that. After all, he had no qualms at all about buying a human at auction, even a human he previously knew as an equal. Why would he hesitate to enthrall a hunter?

"Come on," said Vivian, helping him off the floor. "We can talk more about this later. You've been through a lot tonight, and need more time to shake off the spell you've been under. We have a room that you can use, but I'm going to have to lock you in, and keep you under surveillance for now, at least until we're sure that your vampire isn't going to try and push himself into your head again."

"Fine," he said, accepting that Vivian didn't trust him. He didn't even trust himself. "Why can he still do that, if you've undone the enthrallment?"

"There's a psychic connection established when a vampire drinks your blood. It's not quite the same thing as enthrallment, and it can be very strong. It fades in days or weeks, but until then, you'll still be vulnerable to the vampire's influence."

"I see." He wondered if that applied to any vampire which had fed from him. If it did, that meant -- "But the Maestro, he…"

"Yes," she said grimly. "Has he ever entered your mind before, when he's not there in person?"

"I don't think so. I hope not."

"I hope not either. I'm not prepared to fight him just yet. If you sense anything, you need to tell me right away."

"Yes, of course."

Vivian led Oliver out of the attic and into a room little bigger than a closet, with a cot and a small chest of drawers. "You should get some rest," she said, herding Oliver inside. "You'll feel better once you have. Is there anything you need?"

"A glass of water, please?" asked Oliver, sitting on the edge of the cot. "And if you have any interesting books…"

"Certainly. I'll see what I can do."

Oliver waited patiently for Vivian to return with the water and a couple of old magazines. As soon as she left the room and he heard the lock click shut, he fell back onto the bed, knowing that he wouldn't even be able to concentrate on reading, not with all the thoughts crowding his head.

He was free.

Wasn't he?

It was terribly hard to feel free when he was locked into a small room, the threat of his vampiric master and his sire still hanging over his head like an executioner's axe. The confinement was for his own safety, and he understood the reasons, but he wouldn't actually be free until both Alexander and the Maestro had ceased to walk the earth.

He was frustrated with himself. He shouldn't care so much about the well-being of a vampire who had literally purchased him at auction. And yet…

Now that the initial shock and fear had worn off, he was finding himself gripped by a deep and profound sadness. The cot he lay on was hard and cold, and he couldn't suppress his longing for his bed at home -- no, Alexander's bed. It wasn't ever his. He'd been hypnotized to share it, to cuddle up with a monster.

He'd been hypnotized into affection.

And it was really the only affection he'd had since he was a child, wasn't it? He'd lived such a solitary and quiet life, spending almost every night alone in his small apartment with books for company. Even the simple pleasure of curling up to read next to someone else had been foreign to him until he came into Alexander's possession.

And it had all been a fabrication meant to keep him compliant, hadn't it? He shouldn't miss it. He should be glad to be rid of it.

But the thought of returning to his solitary life, of never experiencing actual tenderness, was crushing him inside. He'd been starving for so many years, but it had been bearable when he didn't know what he was missing. Now that he knew that his choice was between actual loneliness and false companionship, he could only be ashamed at the parts of himself which preferred the lie.

No, he had to press on somehow. He couldn't return himself to a monster, no matter how charming. He should be happy to be freed. He could have his own life back. He could sleep during the night and wake during the day, and walk in the sunshine, and choose to go wherever he pleased.

He could take what little money he had stashed in his bookshop and take a train out of town, or a boat overseas, see the new places that he dreamed about but never got around to visiting. He could start his life over, do something else with it. Live a fuller life in the here and now rather than wait in his lonely little bookshop, wait for something to happen to him. Something had happened to him, and it should have taught him a lesson about choosing what he wants before it's chosen for him.

It was exhilarating. But…

For all his newly gained freedom, he still had no idea what he actually wanted. The desire for fangs in his neck was fake, but at least it was a clear desire. What did he want before, apart from books and safety? And who was he now, now that he knew the dangerous world of the supernatural lurked just behind every streetlamp, just waiting to pull him into it?

Previous > Masterlist

Next week: Oliver is not as free as he might have hoped.

I'll also have a Christmas-adjacent self-indulgent vampire story up tomorrow, so please keep an eye out! And vote in the holiday edition of Sedation Vending Machine!

Thanks for reading this story another year, and happy holidays!

@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin

@whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist

@vampiresprite @irregular-book @whumpsoda @und3ad-mutt

@sowhumpshaped @whumpsday @morning-star-whump @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @pirefyrelight @theauthorintraining @whump-me-all-night-long @anonfromcanada

@typewrittenfangs @tessellated-sunl1ght @cleverinsidejoke @abirbable @ichorousambrosia

@a-formless-entity @gobbo-king @writinggremlin @the-agency-archives @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi

@enigmawriteswhump @bottlecapreader @whump-on-a-string @whumpinthepot

@cinnamoncandycanes @avvail-whumps @tauntedoctopuses @secret-vampkissers-soiree @whatamidoingherehelpme

@strawbearydreams @ghost-whump @tippytappytyping @natthebatt @fire-bugg14

@fuckcapitalismasshole @slightlydisturbedbeans @paperprinxe @demetercabingreen-thumb @the-broken-pen

@pokemaniacgemini @jumpywhumpywriter @basica11ywhumped @anoontjecanush @cepheusgalaxy

@whump-me-harder @whump-till-ya-jump @the-monarch-whumperfly @ium1naryy @wumpbean

[sapphicslaylist]

STP: Thorn Scarring & Disability

I'm going to gently tap the fandom with a stick: scars are not just a simple cosmetic detail which can be ignored/removed "stylistically" or given to make characters "cool." They impact a person's daily life, confidence, and way of interacting with the world, and need to be handled with consideration. Therefore, as a disabled person with background in accessibility, I think it's my turn to cover this one.

Going to specifically address this with Thorn, but it applies to others as well (not just because she's the most blatant example, but also as she's a character who the fandom likes to "heal" by removing all traces of her scars. Going to address what this implicates below).

Some important details:

She is deliberately depicted with heavy wounds of a variety of different depths. It can be assumed that they have been accumulated and left open for a significant amount of time.

We know the ones along her hands are the deepest because of Narrator's remark wherein "[she] picks up the blade, slicing through what little skin remains" of her hands and wrists. It is very likely these are not only permanent, but also have the possibility of muting or eliminating tactile sensation in her fingers either temporarily or permanently. She would therefore interact differently with the world if written outside the context of cannon

Further mobility issues may result from the wounds along her limbs. Because scar tissue is less flexible than normal skin, this would further constrict movement.

Some of the shallower ones may heal, yes. But deeper scars typically fade, but not vanish entirely.

This inherently makes Thorn disabled, and removing her scars IS disability erasure.

And it isn't just about physical disability, either. Witch & Thorn deal with removing stigmatization surrounding feminine beauty, and removing that detail does also impede the body positivity which she carries for survivors. Scar victims, especially people with deep scars are often considered "ugly." This especially applies to women, who are expected to cover them up or face value judgements regarding their appearance. The game does the opposite, by placing her hands at forefront within the kiss scene. The reason the kiss is so important is because people who are "non-traditionally" beautiful are still worthy of love - something which Thorn struggles to accept with throughout her route.

Overall, I think that people need to understand that they're not merely a literary symbol. But even within that context, the message of Thorn's route is that you can't eliminate your past/go back to who you were before, and that's okay. Because even if scars fade, they aren't something we can simply pretend didn't happen. They remain a part of us throughout the rest of our life, but we don't need to keep bleeding in the present.

Anyways! I hope this explains it. And if anyone does want advice on how to write these out, you're welcome to ask me!

[grumpchump]

Adding the full yap because a few people asked for it !

(no fast pass spoilers, I'm not caught up yet anyway!)

I feel like this theme applies to almost every character in the main cast.

First of all, we all know that one of Chase's biggest aspirations is to be a famous singer, even though nobody in his life really thinks he can do it. He seems perfectly aware of this. He knows that everyone thinks his dream is impossible, and maybe part of him thinks the same thing, but he just doesn't care. He's still extremely determined to realize his goals despite what everyone thinks of him.

Buddy especially doesn't think very highly of him (at first!)- throughout a good portion of the season, he constantly assumes Chase is going to give up the stories as soon as they get hard. But as Chase says in Sick Day, it's not his style to give up. He is so much more than what a lot of people expect him to turn out to be and he's so cool and I love him so bad

This applies to Buddy pretty obviously too. He's meant to be a cold and ruthless villain, and he certainly does try to be that. He's tough and more than a little mean at times, but we can see pretty consistently that he isn't as heartless as he might want people (Chase) to think. Even from the beginning when he's determined to antagonize Chase and get his key, he drops hints and helps him to finish the stories.

I always thought the scene in the Cinderfella arc where he tells Chase that he can eat the storybook food was really interesting. Like, he has no incentive to do that. He has no reason not to sit by and watch Chase suffer wanting to eat the desserts. But instead he does this small act that is, whether intentionally or not, actually kinda nice of him. It's just another small moment that shows that the villain persona people expect of him isn't really all that he is.

(This is a smaller thing, but I think with his exterior and how he acts in the books, we kind of expect him to be cunning and hard-working. I believe Punko said in a Q&A that in his free time he's actually an extremely lazy person, contrary to how we usually see him. I'm just mentioning that because I think it's funny and I love him a lot.)

Deacon is an extremely complex character with so many layers that I honestly am still grappling with, this guy's really cool.

A lot of his struggles are with the expectations placed on him. We know his whole life and career have been planned out for him by his parents. There's constantly a lot of pressure on him to work hard at this path that has been chosen for him, but in reality, he doesn't want any of it. My man just wants to read his shitty fantasy novels and chill with horses, give him a break !!

He's also constantly trying to defy his role as the helper key (specifically in Sick Day and The Book of Deacon). I think it's really interesting how he struggles to accept his role. Chase and Buddy don't actively try not to be the hero and the villain, they just naturally are more morally grey with it. Deacon, on the other hand, is almost a little desperate to go beyond being a helper and fall into another alignment, acting carelessly and causing trouble because of it. And the thing is, it makes perfect sense why he'd do it.

Books are very much a source of escapism for him. Actually getting to LIVE OUT the books is extremely exciting. Inside the books, he has a chance to escape his parents' expectations- being the helper, though, he just feels like he has a new set of expectations placed on him. Once he actually gets to be the hero in The Book of Deacon, he learns that this role is just as tough- again, he's trading one set of expectations for another. There's really no winning for this man lol. but im getting a little off topic here.

What Deacon needs is to reject the expectations his parents have placed on him and do what will make him truly happy. We can see how Buddy and Chase sort of naturally deviate from their expectations just through being themselves, but Deacon is still struggling in this process. Deacon is struggling to be himself in the way Buddy and Chase do.

There is still that level of acceptance he needs to have for his current situation though, specially in his helper role. He's still struggling to grasp all that being a helper means and how it's still just as important a role to take on as the hero or villain. He needs to find a way to balance his responsibilities and his happiness.

In Prunella's case, it's a bit harder to say- as of Friends and Family, we haven't gotten to spend as much time with her as the boys, so we're still learning more about her. I think the irony of this little girl getting to play the role of the big strong hero is sort of a subversion of expectations in itself lol.

We've also seen her upbringing. We've seen her mom. We've seen her house. It's a big awesome fairytale mess, and she doesn't really fit into it at all- being more into wilderness survival, she's not really what most people would assume her to be when they see her home life. Nothing wrong with that of course, just worth mentioning. We also learn in Friends and Family that she's very advanced for her age- she's extremely smart and probably a lot more understanding and level-headed about all the key business than I think a lot of other kids would be. I'd say she deviates from what a lot of people would expect of a child her age.

I'd love to hear if anyone has any other thoughts about her character !! I like her a lot and I'm excited to get to know more of her in the story :)

I wanna touch on the Keys last, specifically Silver. This part will be more speculation, so take it with a grain of salt.

In line with the theory about Silver possibly betraying Chase, this theme would apply perfectly. The way we've gotten to know Silver, she's extremely sweet and caring. She acts very selflessly for her family and friends and is eager to lend Chase a helping hand in saving his mom.

What we need to remember is that her first priority is to take care of her family. Helping Chase with his thing is definitely a means to reunite everyone (since he'll need all 12 keys to make his wish anyway), but it may not feel like she's doing enough. Helping her family and taking care of the Keys is her ultimate goal. If she's the heroine of her story, it makes perfect sense that she would take whatever actions necessary to do this.

The problem is, Cinderella Boy follows CHASE as the protagonist. We're rooting for Chase to evade Ex Libris, collect the keys, and save his mom. From this perspective, Silver betraying Chase, going behind his back, etc. would technically be an antagonistic action.

Am I saying that makes her a villainess? No, I really don't think so. But we've come to know Silver as a kind, supporting force for Chase. All I'm saying is, if she really were going behind Chase's back in some way (referring specifically to the letter she writes to Violet at the end of Friends and Family), it would absolutely subvert ours and Chase's expectations of her. It would line up with the theme of defying these expectations.

This theme is another of the many reasons why the Beach Boys arc is so important.

Circling back to Chase and Buddy, the core relationship at the center of the story- up until this point, Chase and Buddy have not cooperated with each other. Just a few episodes ago was the Toffee Break arc, where Buddy was an absolute menace and Chase straight got him thrown off a boat, lol.

But then Chase sees Buddy struggling to light a fire, and he does something unexpected. Even though he and Buddy have spent pretty much every moment together as rivals, he offers Buddy a tip on how to start the fire. He completely subverts what we've come to expect of their relationship. And then Buddy does something even more unexpected by returning the gesture and sharing his fish.

They're meant to be the hero and the villain- complete antagonists to one another. But in this moment they both choose to defy their expected roles and share a small, nice moment.

Later, Chase offers to help Buddy get out of the dangerous situation he's living in, and Buddy assumes he's lying. He doesn't expect Chase to be genuine about it. But like he says in Beach Boys (VI), Chase gets mad at him for doing the same thing, and he realizes he's been wrong about Chase maybe the whole time. Chase is not at all like Buddy expected him to be.

I think the point Chase makes in this episode about their roles as the hero and the villain is extremely important to the story as a whole. Buddy is meant to be the villain, so he's supposed to be a horrible person. Chase is meant to be the hero, so he's supposed to be patient and forgiving. But Chase says it himself- he doesn't care about that. He isn't the perfect protagonist we might expect him to be. He's an extremely kind and good person, yes, but he also has no trouble standing his ground and acting the way HE wants to, despite what everyone thinks of him. And Buddy, while harsh and standoffish, has plenty of moments that showcase how he's actually quite a caring person when he starts to let down his guard around someone.

Hell, even the entire concept of Cinderella Boy as a whole is kind of a subversion of expectations in itself!!!! A boy finds a magical artifact that lets him enter and play out any story he uses it on, but, ironically, he always has to be the princess?? it's amazing i love it

Cinderella Boy shows us consistently that nobody is stuck playing the role everyone expects them to. Nobody is bound to the perceptions that other people have of them, and everyone is free to defy these expectations and be the person they want to be. Chase says it best in Beach Boys (IV): "Nobody should have to accept being the villain if they're trying their best not to be."

To rap up my yap session, Cinderella Boy is a narrative about defying expectations and other people's perceptions of you and being a person of your choosing and everyone should go reread it one billion more times !!!!!!

shout-out to Cinderella Boy and its ongoing theme of defying the expectations everyone has for you and being more than your roots and upbringing, gotta be one of my favorite genders fr

[fieldofheathers-stuff]

A few thoughts on Arcane S2’s treatment of the political conflict between Zaun and Piltover (I'm not mad, I'm just dissappointed)

The hasty and rather superficial resolution (if we can even call it that) to the class conflict between Zaun and Piltover has been, in my opinion, one of the weakest points of S2. I don’t mind so much the way it ended (Zaun gaining representation in the Council, instead of full independence, seems like a pretty realistic ending to me, given what was established in S1), but I can’t help wishing the show runners dedicated more time to exploring this plot thread, and got us to the ending in a more organic way.

As usual, my recent rewatch of S1 has mellowed my perspective on this issue a little bit. Going back to S1 with the hindsight of S2 , it was quite clear that, with the way S1 ended, Zaun was going to get the short end of the stick in S2. Besides, Arcane’s story is mainly character-driven, and out of the four characters that were really carrying the “Zaun” side of the political plot in S1 (Silco, Vander, Ekko and Sevika), we had already lost two main players, so S2’s political conflict was inevitably going to shift more in favor of Piltover’s side simply due to the fact that it had more powerful players on its side. Zaun’s plight for independence was inevitably going to get the back seat.

Nonetheless, I still have issues with how the show-runners decided to handle it. While I understand why Ekko’s story was shifted towards a more individualistic journey (my boy is young, let him have some fun before he gets swamped by Piltover’s dirty politics), I still can’t help felling bitter about the inexcusable misuse of my girl Sevika; she was robbed of what could have been an amazing chance for character development, and the ability to carry on the political conflict established in P1. As a character that was shown very early in S1 to care deeply about Zaun’s independence, and having both the experience and political pull to do something about it, she really should have had a bigger role in S2. Again, I don’t think that there’s any particular in-story reason for disagreeing with the way the conflict between the two cities was resolved (as already established in S1 — and Silco himself agrees on this poin — Zaun isn’t in the position to demand much from Piltover, so its independence is still completely dependent on the Council’s mercy), but getting there should have been outlined in much more detail than just doing the “Piltover and Zaun fight together in this big Marvel-esque fight, and Zaun gets a seat at the council as an end-of-the-year bonus”, and Sevika was the perfect character to do it.

I disagree with the frequent complaint, however, that either Jinx or Vi should have carried on the political plot for Zaun. Neither of them has the mind for politics; having them involved in the political struggle would mean bending their characters well beyond what was established in S1, and I’m glad the show didn’t decide to go that way. Arcane’s politics are consistently shown to be extremely ruthless and unforgiving towards characters who are unprepared for them: Jayce’s whole arc in S1 serves to show exactly that. Silco really was the only Zaunite who could have, realistically, survived (and possibly thrived) in Piltover’s political arena. Sigh. I miss my wife.

(I wanted him and Mel to be besties so bad. Just imagine the levels of wit, cunt and immaculate drip they would have brought to the Council table. Please tell me there's fanfiction of this.)

[vlueberries]

I see that you put quite a lot of thought into Lady Shiva and I am wondering, is there any way for Cassandra Cain to still be her and David Cain's kid if we want to keep a more 70s/The Question like characterisation? Because from what I remember, Batgirl's retcon was pretty odd.

Hi gorgeous, thank you for the ask <3

I DON'T KNOWWWW!!!!! This is such a good question and it's difficult to answer. I never liked the idea of Shiva being Cass's mom, especially because of the way it was done in Batgirl 2000, but I feel like this event and their relationship are so ingrained in canon now that there isn't really a way to fix the problems I have with this origin story without heavy retcons that I would probably be dissatisfied with. It's so out of character for her to be a mom, but hypothetically...

If David Cain was never retconned to have killed Shiva's sister, if David Cain approached the situation in a different way, if Cass's conception was consensual, and if Shiva abandoned them immediately after giving birth anyway. That would be my ideal scenario to preserve her original characterization. Maybe if she got pregnant young and then realized rapidly that she needed to leave David Cain and then left after giving birth to go find her sister, to then find her sister dead, and then the original events from the Richard Dragon 70s comic happen...

I don't know, I think Shiva (especially when she was a young adult) could care about a man like Cain based on skill alone, though I'm not sure she could love him. I am of the personal opinion that Shiva is a character who can love (this is debatable for some reason). She loved Carolyn and O Sensei, I believe she loves Dragon and Ben in her way. She couldddd mayyybeee care about Cain and then become disillusioned with the idea of being with him by the time she gives birth, I think. Maybe she becomes disgusted when he tells her he's trying to create the worlds most deadly baby or whatever--I know she'd think that's stupid. I'm still just struggling to imagine her having a baby under any circumstances though, so I don't know.

I just know that Cass would have to be born--or at least conceived--BEFORE the death of Shiva's sister. Did any of this make sense??

[flyingwargle]

kageyama feels his consciousness rise from the depths of sleep, cradled in warmth and comfort. he opens his eyes to the shadows dancing across the ceiling, bedroom curtained in a muted silence. rolling to his side, he is greeted by a fragment of the sun, swathed in blankets, drool dried in the corner of his mouth, lips slightly parted with every breath.

hinata's fingers are splayed across the mattress, and kageyama has half a mind to place his hand on top. instead, he settles for watching, admires how his tousled bright hair is spread across the pillow, sleeves of his pajama shirt rolled unevenly, a tiny peek of skin shows from one of the buttons being undone in sleep.

it started in second year, when the snow was too heavy for hinata to bike through, and kageyama told him to stay the night. during the other seasons, he'd struggle to find reasons for hinata to stay over, but winter provided plenty of opportunities, especially in their third year, when the snow has been heavier than before, and hinata has extra clothes tucked into the bottom shelf of kageyama's dresser.

it was last winter when hinata moved from the futon to the bed. kageyama would never forget.

lost in his thoughts, he doesn't notice when hinata had woken, blinking blearily at him. "what are you looking at?"

kageyama blinks back to the moment, turning away with a grunt. "nothing." he buries himself deeper in his blankets at hinata's hum. "think we have practice this morning?"

they usually do on saturdays, but snow often meant otherwise. kageyama hears hinata shuffle around, unlocking his phone. "coach texted. he said to stay home."

"is the snow bad?"

a few more clicks. "5 cm expected today. it'll be snowing all day."

"oh." he stares at the ceiling. "you can stay the weekend, if you want. you said your mom's car isn't good for snow..."

shuffling. "kageyama."

he turns, nearly jumps at the glint in hinata's eyes. "if you want a sleepover, you can just say so."

a scowl crawls onto his face. "i'm just being considerate. your house is far, and the roads aren't that great. i wouldn't want your mom to get hurt or...something."

"something," hinata echoes. he's still for a moment, places his phone back on the nightstand, and sits up, stretching his arms over his head. "let's make breakfast!"

a chill hangs over the empty house. kageyama suppresses his shivers as he switches the lights on, turns the heat higher. hinata rifles through the kitchen cupboards, familiar with the placement of his pots and pans, knives and cutting boards, bowls and utensils. kageyama falls into step with him, fills in any holes, turns the stove on as hinata finishes the pancake batter.

there's something about this that feels so...domestic. hinata flips the pancakes, and kageyama sets the table with plates, bottle of syrup that he bought specifically for hinata, butter for himself. he carries the plate between them, and they sit, tackling the stack one pancake at a time. their conversation is quiet, from observations they've made about their underclassmen, gossip from their year, news from their friends in tokyo.

after breakfast, they bundle into their jackets to shovel the sidewalk. kageyama grabs a pair from the garage, passing one to hinata, who takes it with a gloved hand, lower half of his face hidden by his scarf. he digs his shovel into the pristine snow, scoops it and starts a pile against the fence.

snow continues to fall during their shoveling. the neighborhood is quiet, with the occasional car going by, others also shoveling snow from their driveways and sidewalks. kageyama spent long winters during junior high doing it alone; when hinata learned about it, he insisted on helping every time he came over, no matter if it was for an evening or overnight.

by this point, they’ve divided the work equally. kageyama takes the driveway, and hinata takes the sidewalk and walkway to the front door. their voices bounce between the empty yard, and soon, a pile of snow is left against the fence.

kageyama lets out a breath, leaning on his shovel to admire their handiwork. behind him. hinata is crouched in front of the snow. “hey, kageyama.”

“mm?”

“turn around.”

he’s had three years of experience for this moment. “all right.” in the same moment that he pivots, he throws his shovel full of snow at hinata, whose pitiful snowball is lost in the spray. snow catches in his hair, melts off his rosy cheeks, sticks to his scarf. kageyama grins, and hinata doesn’t hesitate to gather an armful of snow to throw back at him.

their taunts and laughter dance through the frozen air. kageyama loses his shovel, resorts to half-formed snowballs to lob at him, and hinata continues his relentless assault until he slips and falls onto the snow in a fit of giggles. “ah, i can’t believe this is our last time doing this!”

his words hang in the frozen air. kageyama steps closer to him, watches him stretch his arms over his head, placed delicately on top of the snow. his breaths billow, lips curled into a smile, eyes closed. “what do you mean?” kageyama asks.

“this- just…just playing in the snow. being together. we���re graduating, and then we’re going in completely different directions. we won’t have winters together like this, anymore.” a hint of melancholy deepens his voice, causes his smile to waver. “it doesn’t snow in brazil. it’s too hot.”

“i know that, dumbass.” kageyama closes his gloved hands into fists, turns away from him. “there’s…no point in thinking about that now when we still have time. winter’s barely started. who’s to say that we won’t do this again when we’re older?”

“here i was thinking that you’d say you’d be too old for snowball fights.”

“maybe, but…there’s more than that.” he lays down on the snow beside him, stares at the clouded sky and snow that dapples across his face. “we can just…sit under the blankets and watch volleyball. or make pancakes. or shovel the driveway. even if we can’t do it next year, there’ll be many more years, right?”

a pause. he glances at hinata, notices how his friend’s head has turned in the opposite direction. “right. you’re right.”

they lay like that, surrounded by snow, blanketed in the neighborhood’s silence. kageyama reaches toward his side until he brushes against a gloved hand. hinata flinches away instinctively, but after a moment, reaches for him, so their fingers are intertwined. their frozen breaths disappear in the air, simultaneous with one another.

even if they don’t have next year, they’ll have many more years to come. kageyama is sure of it.

[thechthonicherbalist]

My humble Altar

Before I put it away for the winter holidays and local solstice celebrations, here's my little pop-up altar, complete with offerings. Sharing in response to my friend @jehan-the-necromancer who has been curious for a while now and the lovely @chthoniclakewitch who asked about it.🥰 (I thought I might as well put the pics in a post, I hope you two don't mind being tagged. 🙈)

Mostly I'm working with Apollo and Aphrodite, Gods of Love, Sexuality, Queerness, Healing, Muse, Poetry, Inspiration and Beauty! The reason is mostly my own queer gender identity and sexuality, as well as a life-long love for art, music and writing.

But also my experiences with CSA, depression and hurt are relevant in regards to many of these topics, as well as the struggles that come as a result. Apollo and Aphrodite give me security, capacity to practice self-love and consider the love others have for me, when anxiety threatens to lie to my heart and make me doubt it. They are also who I turn to for comfort and where I seek refuge when these things get hurt or when it's difficult to navigate them. And they are the ones I pray to, when I want to extend my love to others or when I hope to see people I carry in my heart protected, healing and cared for. Especially in situations where I directly help a person with these things... Aphrodite helps me learn how to think, act, speak and connect with deep love and care for the human essence. Apollo helps me learn how to see the light and beauty of things and how to tap into my healing potential through creative expression. Both these things are life long journeys.

I also pray to Ares and Hecate. Ares because I am a very sensitive person who experiences others and their own emotions very deeply and easily gets very deeply impacted by them. It can be like I absorb the emotions of others and then have to work through them and understand them in all detail myself, even if they don't even fathom that or don't have to do that themselves. So I often carry lots of fear, sadness and hurt in my heart, or need to untangle the anger of others or sometimes also myself, because it mostly servers as a protective response. Simultaneously I have a profound inability to take in and hold the emotion of anger very well, due to complex childhood trauma where people with unresolved anger issues would lash out in life- and safety-threatening ways due to their lack of self-control and and cause both physical and emotional damage. Therefore it was equally life-threatening in this environment to express anger or any other emotion or to protect myself by removing myself from situations that overwhelmed me. To this day, there is nothing more terrifying to me than a person who cannot control their anger, who cannot communicate an issue, fear or a hurt in other ways than by lashing out. It still feels life-threatening, it gives me mortal anxiety and I can't process and react to that in real time. I will always shut down and struggle to comprehend even my own thoughts and memories in this moment. I am reduced to pure fear and survival instincts at this point. And it took me many years to learn from Ares that I am allowed to protect myself, guard my peace and well-being by taking breaks when this become too much, especially when I'm under intentional attack.

Ares reminds me that it is okay to feel and express my own anger, but also that I do not want to follow examples of toxic, unhealed anger expression, by reminding me of the warrior's honor. He reminds me that unfiltered emotion equals war and destruction. And in collaboration with Aphrodite and Apollo, that such things have no place in healthy, loving connections. That there is always a hurt or a fear underneath such strong and violent emotions, that seek to be protected. And that it is important to step back, to process my anger, yes, but to write it down, over and over until I am calm and understand the essence of what I want to express, without hurting the ones I love. And that others are equally responsible to do moderate their own emotions and that I don't have to expose myself if they have not been responsible enough to put in the work and effort it takes to learn how. Ares is also who teaches me to enforce boundaries. That I am worthy of divine and earthly protection and justice. That it is okay to fight injustice and mistreatment, instead of quietly tolerating it. That my well-being, my rights and my existence are worth fighting for. That my life and I am worth fighting for. Worth defending. That if nobody stands up for me, it is okay if I do that. That peace is fought for, negotiated over, not merely tolerated. He and Apollo are who I pray to, for strength and endurance in my battle against depression, chronic illness and now cancer. He is the first god I ever prayed to, who I ever recognized as a god, when I was a child.

And Hecate is... Hecate. The mother, the maiden and the crone. The witch goddess. Protector of the crossroads. Those who know her, know her. Those who do not... fear her. I pray to her for protection, for guidance. And to help me heal the witch-wound. The wound all people carry who have been othered or unjustly accused and punished out of fear for their knowledge and powers, rather than being honoured, heard and understood. She is also known as the goddess of Boundaries, the Underworld, Plants and Herbalism as well as the Moon. I'd like to say that my connection with her is much more... obscure and yet personal than with any of the other gods. I refer to her as mother, when I pray.

[lsunstreakerl]

Famiglia-Familie

Chapter One Analysis:

First off- most of chapter one is kind of over a few concurrent days, so this is a bit shorter than my analysis for the other chapters is going to be.

- I imply in later chapters that Max sees more of the accident than what I actually write in chapter one, and that's true! There's a couple of reasons for that, one being that I just didn't want to write that, and the other being a super convenient excuse for reason one! the human brain, especially a young one (like, maybe, 14?) is going to block out a traumatic event, especially the finer details. Max's brain is literally rewriting what he's seeing in front of him and during the actual crash, in order to try and minimize the psychological damage.

- This ties into the way that Max struggles to even refer to the accident later on- he cuts himself off before he says "Jos", he won't call it "the accident" or even really think of it at all. Max divides his life solidly into a "before" chunk and an "after" chunk.

- "But issi/sunny, why was Force India even there?" Honestly, the way GP and Max meet in this fic is complete chance. There are so many spots where it could have gone otherwise, but it doesn't. I mention at the beginning of the fic that it's leading up to the race weekend, but it's still a wednesday, so there's a lot of the support staff driving around. A group of the Force India guys, including GP, were carpooling back to the hotel when they see the accident site, and they're genuinely just being good samaritans when they stop their car and start trying to help people.

- Max's arm is bothering him a bit while he's still stuck in the seatbelt, but the way that it has him restrained, (which he can't see) is actually doing him a bit of a favor at that point in the fic. It's cutting off blood flow, so Max isn't feeling how majorly fucked up his own bones are. (For curious minds: in this fic, Max has a spiral fracture down the body of his right distal ulna, comminuted fractures across his fingers in a few spots, and an impact fracture on the distal end of his right radius. There's some impact damage on the proximal ends as well, where the elbow joint forms, but it's not as severe as the fingers and wrist.)

- Because of the way Max landed, Hayden isn't able to see the way his arm is caught in the seatbelt until he asks Max to start moving, at which point he asks for the knife. Hayden does have a moment here where he's looking at the injury and wondering if it might be better to let EMS cut Max out, but he's worried they won't get there fast enough, and this is a kid, trapped in a metal van, when there's lightning out, and he makes the decision to cut Max out, and whatever those consequences are he's willing to live with them. (Triage is traumatic and stressful and for those of you who care about original side characters, yes, Hayden goes to therapy.) ((also because he saw a dead man))

- When Hayden cuts Max out of the seatbelt to pull him out, Max gets that blood flow back, which allows his arm to tell his brain "we have a problem!" Which is why he starts screaming. Rough night for him.

- Max is having such a genuinely awful night the entire time that that as soon as he's out of the car and someone (GP) is being kind to him, he decides he's going to cling, and he's not going to let go, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. GP is such a genuinely nice guy, and Max is tugging at all of his heartstrings, that he's like "sure I'll go to the hospital" because GP and the Force India crew could see Jos, and they know that Max is alone now.

- Max gets morphine in the ambulance. yippiee!

- Max is terrified in the hospital, because of everything that's been happening, and his arm, and all he has now is this unfamiliar stranger he'd decided to cling to, so he's like "fuck it, all in, I'm attached to this guy now" and then he doesn't want to even let GP consider leaving, which is why he makes life harder for the hospital staff by refusing to let go of GP.

- The Force India guys called Colin as soon as they pulled over, letting him know about the accident and that they were going to help. Colin keeps in touch with all of them throughout the night, finds out from one of the other guys that GP is with a random kid in the hospital, and acts accordingly. (Has people collect emergency supplies for a teenager and put it in GP's room)

- GP has a reputation in the garage for being soft hearted, so no one is at all surprised about how the situation actually ends up, because of course the guy who always breaks for squirrels and gets out of his car to carry a turtle across the road takes in a child in an emergency, that's just how Gianpiero is.

- When GP first calls Colin is the hospital, he's mostly just getting reassured that it's all okay, and to do whatever he needs to do for the kid. Colin tells him that if Max needs to come to the garage with him for the next few days, Force India can accommodate that.

- Max isn't really thinking about the "not talking" thing until he's confronted when the social worker, where he makes the conscious decision not to speak, both because "that makes everything real" and also because he's in an unfamiliar country, and he doesn't have a legal adult taking care of him, and he doesn't want to say the wrong thing and accidentally back himself into a corner.

- "He didn't get letters for very long" is one of the subtler more heartbreaking lines, because Victoria continues sending him letters for months, Jos just doesn't let Max know about them, so Max thinks Victoria stopped sending them, and Victoria thinks her older brother doesn't like her.

- GP goes through the legal hoops in the background of this fic. Colin has to vouch for his employment status a million times, he has to call the British Embassy in Germany to get the ball rolling on emergency foster certification and then standard foster certification, he has to get the emergency foster certification from Germany, and he has to juggle so many emails. Your average person would be completely overwhelmed, but GP is a race engineer, and being overwhelmed is kind of his job, so he handles it pretty well.

- Max goes into emergency surgery to handle some of the worst parts of his arms and fingers, but the hospital is still super clear with GP that Max needs to have some follow ups. (Max ends up with some serious hardware in his hand. He still has struggles with fine motor skills, and he's got killer osteoarthritis in his fingers, wrist, and forearm, but the brace helps with it.

- "issi/sunny, any hospital that lets a pediatric patient leave that soon after a surgery of that magnitude without a thorough welfare check should be ashamed of themselves!" IM NOT HERE TO BE REALISTIC IF I WANTED THAT I WOULD GO TO WORK.

- Max not looking in the mirror goes hand in hand with him not speaking, or acknowledging the accident. He knows he's injured, he knows as soon as he sees himself in the mirror with his injuries that he can't fool himself anymore, so he's not looking at all.

- GP has no idea what to do with a teenager, which is why he's kind of awkward at first. It's important to note that GP, again, has zero clue who Max is. GP thinks he's taking care of a kid who had a normal home life before a traumatic accident. GP does not think he's taking care of a kid who was already traumatized even before the accident, and he's not able to pick up on some of those warning signs until he and Max are living together.

- "Why doesn't Max go straight to Michael?" Max is 14, and has been told his entire life that nothing is more important than racing, and so of course this would be true for a world champion as well, and Max is so petrified of being a burden that he doesn't want Michael to know at all, because he knows Michael will drop everything to take care of him. (He's been raised to think that kind of behavior is soft and he doesn't need it.) He especially doesn't want to tell Michael right before a race as well. Max is also still trying to pretend it's not real, so the less familiar faces he's around the better.

- Max gets really into the data partially as a coping mechanism, because if he's looking at the data and trying to learn then he's not thinking about the accident. This is also why listening to GP read it out loud is soothing to him. GP has a nice voice, and Max can listen to him rattling off numbers and variables for hours. This is also the beginning of a little routine for the two of them when one of them is having a hard time, where they sit and they go over data together. (nerds)

- The Force India engineers are so excited to have someone genuinely interested in what they're doing that they fall in love with Max immediately.

- The Force India garage also knows why GP has Max- they know that Max is from the accident, and they know he's very grim and quiet, so they actually do kind of make a game out of trying to make him laugh, or at least smile.

- Yes, that is the actual qualifying and race results for Force India in the 2011 German GP.

- I don't actually know if Paul di Resta is a good guy or not, and I didn't want to look it up. ignorance is bliss and all that.

- Max taught himself to be ambidextrous because he thought it would be a cool party trick, and instead it's totally saved his ass now that he literally can't move his right hand.

- "issi/sunny, did you actually look at places for rent in Buckingham for this fic?" guys, I ended up on one of the Buckingham city council's 117 page documents detailing next years public transportation plans from like 2013. do not underestimate the depths I will go.

- Max trying to figure out what he would even want in his room is a bit heartbreaking, and GP doesn't understand why Max struggles with it so bad. (Again, GP is assuming Max lived in a house somewhere, when Max's house was the van, and the van is gone.)

- GP gets attached to Max almost immediately. Here is this quiet kid, from a horrific accident, and he's so scared, and for some reason he's putting his trust in GP, so GP isn't going to betray that. And then GP finds out that his quiet kid is so smart, and that he likes looking at the data, so of course GP is like "give him all the data he wants" and the garage loves him because he's quiet and well mannered and genuinely interested.

- Word gets around the paddock pretty quick about the accident in general, because it made local news, and then it also spreads that one of the race engineers from Force India is actually taking care of a kid from the accident site, so Max has always got people looking out for him when he's around the paddock. (Max doesn't realize this in the fic) he's quite literally a grid kid, in the realest sense.

- GP spends the entire time he's driving from his old flat to the new house freaking out about the whole thing. He's very careful and responsible to not ever show that in front of Max, but trust that there are multiple points in this fic where he is internally flipping his shit.

Feel free to ask questions/request clarification on things! If you actually read to the end of this 🫶

[deadhands69]

Under the Christmas Tree 

MDNI 

Shouto Todoroki x Reader

Content/warnings/etc: gn/afab reader, Chapter 431 spoilers, porn with plot, post-canon/aged up slightly for no other reason than me being amused by the idea of Shouto Todoroki spending the entirety of his twenties after ch431 making stacks of soba bowls instead of ever attempting to get laid. He does get laid in this though: blowjob, fingering, slightly awkward sex (f on top, m on top), also contains swearing and explicit conversations.

2 1/2 Months Ago: Kaminari’s Halloween Party 

It wasn't really Halloween, but three days after. Being heroes, you are all used to it. Drinking holidays always bring out a villain streak in a lot of people so most of your gatherings end up on off days. After the long week, it was nice to have a lowkey night with a few old friends.

“Okay, you're up next!” Kirishima yells across the table, knuckles deep in candy corn. 

“Alright,” you pause to consider your next words. Looking down at your four upright fingers before continuing, “never have I ever…”

You can't remember what your actual words were. Whatever you said, it was boring. A few people groan around the circle, fingers dropping, then it's Sero’s turn. And he was determined to spice it back up again. 

“Never have I ever,” he starts with a twisted smile, “eaten ass…before breakfast.”

“Booooo,” Kaminari groans, tossing a few pieces of candy corn at him before dropping his last finger. “Okay, fine. Who's next?”

Shouto is up next. You prepared yourself for another odd one, his last turn was that he's never worn mismatched socks.

“Hey Todoroki,” chirped Mina, “quite a few fingers you're holding up there.”

He glanced down to the nine fingers still remaining before he looked at everyone else's in confusion. He was the only one in the room not down to one hand. Kaminari, Hagakure, and Shinso were all out. 

“Oh. Isn't that.. How you win?” 

“By losing at life?” Bakugo laughs. 

“There's no way you aren't lying,” Jiro adds, “wasn't Hagakure’s ‘never have I ever fucked a girl?’”

“I haven't done that with anyone,” Shouto responded. 

“There's no way,” Sero responded, “you're thirty! You've been voted the hottest hero in every girly magazine for ten years straight. I'm not buying it.”

“It's true, I really haven't,” Shouto said quite plainly, before glancing around the table again. He briefly locked eyes with you, searching for your reaction before quickly looking away. A blush crept up on his cheeks. 

Up to that moment, it had never occurred to him to be self conscious about his lack of sexual experience (or about anything, really.) But that night, with all of your eyes staring, he started to think maybe something was wrong with him. 

3 Weeks Ago: Mina & Kirishima’s Kitchen

“Here’s to comfort,” you read. 

“Ooh that's always a fun one!” Mina exclaimed, grabbing the blue stick out of your hand. “I'll pass that along to your Secret Santa!”

Every year since graduating from UA, your friends group has organized a gift giving game. It had now become some convoluted version of Secret Santa that started relatively normal but gained extra steps and rules along the way. At some point, popsicle sticks in a jar with phrases on the bottom of each were added to give your gifter a theme to stick to. Partially for fun, mostly because a few of your former classmates struggled without a prompt. 

“Ooooh, and guess what Todoroki got!” Mina fished through the jar for a green popsicle stick before holding it up, “‘a new experience!’ You can help him with that, riiiight?”

“Oh come on,” you dismiss, “he's cute but he’s clearly not interested in that sort of thing.”

“That's not what he said last week,” Mina winked at you. You look to Jiro for some confirmation.

“In more or less words, yeah.” 

“And that means…” you ask.

“I said ‘ooh sounds like someone’s getting a blowjob from Santa this year!’” Mina began laughing too hard to keep talking. Jiro continued, “we had to explain that no, we do not actually mean Santa. It was a whole thing, but in the end he said it’s something he’d been ‘thinking about a lot lately.’”

Kaminari chimed in, “and he’s had a crush on you for ages! I think you should do it, even if you don’t get him for Secret Santa.”

“Of course [y/n] will get him, we'll rig it. Like we do every year,” Mina flicked her eyebrows up at you. 

“Wait, what??” Kaminari exclaimed, dropping his beer. 

“You didn't know that?” Jiro asked, while throwing a towel at him. “You've been at the planning meetings, how could you not know that?”

“Okay, okay, you can explain it to him later. But now, let's get back to what's important.”

She moved into your space with intensity until her pink nose was nearly touching yours. Without breaking eye contact she asked:

“will you do it, [y/n]?” 

Current Date: Kaminari’s Holiday Party

“Okay, everyone remember. There are five hours left of today!” Mina announces, “I repeat, 5 hours! If you do not give your Secret Santa gift in this time, you will owe them lunch for a week!”

Secretly, nearly everyone hoped to get Bakugo for this reason - he’s an amazing cook and hates the game. Guaranteed lunch for a week. 

Maybe you got him this year, your gifter still hasn’t done anything. You haven’t either though.

It’s not that you didn’t want to, it’s just… awkward. 

Plus, the opportunity hadn’t come up. You were only alone with Shouto twice in the past few weeks. Once, you were both called to an emergency and went home covered in ash and blood. The other time, you were trying to work up the courage to bring it up when Denki showed up at your door to use the bathroom after bursting a pipe in his (the joys of living two doors away from him.) After that, he was out of town for a week. Then he was jetlagged. This is your first time seeing him since then. He looks well rested, at least. 

Four hours pass by quickly. 

You need to find a way to draw him out but every time you’ve tried, he’s been busy. First with distributing the handmade soba bowls and chopsticks he’s gifting everyone. Now he’s playing a card game with Sero and Kirishima. You’d been following him around all night, looking for your opening to no avail. Maybe it’s the constant glancing or the way you’re tapping your foot, but his two opponents have taken notice of your predicament.  

“Heyy,” a drunk Kirishima throws an arm over Shouto’s shoulders, “it would be super manly if you helped [y/n] with their Christmas tree. It’s been propped up in the corner for days. Driving me crazy.” He winks at you.

“Yeah,” Shouto replies calmly, “I can do that. Right now?”

Thank you Kiri!

“Yeah,” Kirishima gives his shoulder a squeeze before letting him go, “better get to it before we forget again.”

“But I won’t for-” you grab his arm, immediately dragging him out the door and down the hallway towards your apartment. 

Fortunately, your place looks nice right now. You'd decorated, initially planning to host the party. However, your friends stepped in and made the decision to give you space for Shouto's gift. Plus, moving supplies to Denki's apartment took them all of five minutes. 

“This must be important to you, I’m happy to help,” Todoroki says while you push the door open to a perfectly upright and decorated Christmas tree. Considering that the glowing bulbs reflecting off the shiny ornaments are the only light source in the room, it certainly draws the attention. 

“Huh? Oh, right…” you really hoped he saw through the excuse, but this couldn’t have been that easy. He glances between you and the tree for a moment. 

“You don’t actually need help with this, do you?” he tentatively asks. 

“No, Shouto. I don’t need help with the tree. I…” you pause, considering your next words. You try to sound collected but they all come spilling out at once. “I’ve been trying to get you alone because I got you for secret santa.”

“Oh,” the previous conversation with Mina and Jiro comes flooding back to him, “oh.” 

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah, very okay. Before I presume too much, do you mind telling me what the gift is?”

“It's…a new experience for you.”

He seems to like your confidence, that you're more experienced than him. When you grab the collar of his shirt to pull him further into the room, he follows eagerly. Dropping to sit across from you on the rug in the middle of your floor, the lights catch his face perfectly. You'd never realized how beautiful his eyes are up close. 

Leaning in, you press your lips into his.

You know it's not his first kiss. In varying years, a few of your friends have bragged about kissing him at midnight on New Years. But you know he's never kissed anyone like this before. Your hands are buried in his two toned hair, pressing him to the floor as you climb on top. He groans into your mouth, his head tipping up to you as his lips chase more closeness with yours. Your tongue slides over his, deepening the kiss. 

You take off his sweater, then the shirt underneath. Dragging your fingers over his bare chest.

Hips pressing into his while you straddle him. Dragging yourself over the hard bulge forming in his pants. The heat builds in your gut. It's time to take things further. 

Reluctantly, you pull your lips away from his. Crawling backwards down his body. At some point, while your face hovers above his belt, you have a realization. 

“You want this, right?” you ask, staring up into his heterochromatic eyes. Knowing that Shouto Todoroki would easily get himself into a situation like this without meaning to, it felt important to ask. 

“Absolutely.”

“Good,” you pull his underwear down with the pants as he tips his hips up to help you slide them off. 

And… wow.

Sure, it's not the most massive dick in the world but definitely the biggest you've ever seen in person. His pale leaky tip begging to be put in your mouth. He twitches at the feeling of your warm breath as you move closer, finally making contact when you lick the vein up his length. 

As soon as you touch him, he crumples under you like tissue paper. He exhales like he’s never relaxed so much in his life. Maybe he hasn’t.

You wrap your lips around his tip and press your tongue onto his shaft. Using your hands to make up for the areas your mouth can’t reach. As your head dips up and down, working up a good amount of spit and precum, his moaning increases. Soon, he’s jutting his hips up towards you. His hand gripping your hair harder.

You know he could cum right now if you let him, but you have more ideas tonight.

Pulling your lips away with a pop, you sit back up. He watches as you move over him, still working to steady his breath. This is a lot more than he really expected to happen tonight but he’s loving every minute of it.

Taking off the amount of clothes you need to, you laugh slightly at how clothed you still are in comparison to him. He’s down to just his socks. 

“You can take your socks off, you know.” 

He does, quickly. Now you have him completely naked under you.

Straddling his lap, you line him up with your entrance pulling your underwear to the side.

When you sink down onto his tip, you feel his girth immediately. Making it what you’d assume is about halfway down, you slide back up. Continuing to envelop him in small increments. You want so badly to maintain the image he has of you being cool and experienced but the stretch of taking all of him is becoming more of a task than you anticipated.

“Is something wrong?” he asks, brows furrowed in confusion.

“No, you’re doing great. It’s just…you’re kind of big.”

“Oh. I'm sorry if my penis isn't ideal.”

You could laugh. Seriously. The amount of guys who would be massively jealous and he has no fucking idea. 

“No, it's definitely not that. You have nothing to worry about; it'll just take a bit to get used to.”

“Is there anything I can do to make it better for you? I know you’re doing this for me, but I'd like to make you feel good too.”

“Yeah, you could use your fingers?”

One issue - you forgot his fingers are massive as well.

“Is this okay?” he asks, slowly inching his middle finger in after you showed him how. 

“Yeah, just.. A little faster now.”

Eventually, he gets the hang of it. Earning a huge gush of cum from you, leaving his fingers sticky. His hand lingers for a moment while you come down. You’re still gripping his shoulders and breathing hard into his chest. Finally, you look up at him.

You haven’t seen him look this proud of himself in a long time.

“Does this mean we can try again?” he asks, “if you’re finished after that I can respect that as well.” 

“Yeah, we can definitely keep going,” you smile, shoving him onto his back again. You begin removing more clothes, starting with your now damp undergarments. 

This time, when you line yourself up you slide a little easier onto him. Still not quite fitting the whole thing but the stretch is much less now. 

Your elbows drop by his head, caging him to the ground under you. He brings his warm (and cold) hands to your hips, enjoying the way your skin moves against his fingers as you bounce up and down on him. The sound of your combined breathing fills your living room, nearly echoing from the corners. Holiday lights still illuminating his face while he stares up at you in amazement.

Why didn’t you do this sooner?

You continue riding his dick until the tension in your gut builds. Soon you’re clenching around him while holding onto his shoulders for support again. Your bounce slows to a grind while you press yourself as close to him as possible.

“Shouto,” you moan into his ear.

He groans and turns his head to kiss you.

“Can I..” he asks, sitting the two of you up while he holds you against his chest.

“Uh huh,” you nod and he has you on your back. Hips rutting between your legs that are now wrapped around his back.

Within the minute, it’s his turn. 

“I’m about to cum,” he moans, “is it okay if I-”

“Yeah, please cum,” you whisper.

Immediately, he whimpers - pulling you closer while he gushes inside of you.

"I've wanted to do that for years," he murmurs.

You move the hair out of each other’s eyes while you catch your breath. Eventually making your way off the living room floor.

While you’re getting cleaned up, he excuses himself briefly. Saying he needed to grab something from his car. You figure it’s toiletries or something and carry on.

A few minutes later, as you’re coming out of the bathroom freshly changed into comfortable clothes as he re-enters your front door. In his arms is a massive fluffy blanket, which he promptly wraps around you then leads you to your couch. 

“I’m your secret santa this year. I was waiting until after midnight to give you your gift, I wanted the excuse to take you out to lunch for a week,” he says while wrapping his arms around you, warming you further. “There's a new soba place I'd like to try, but I'm open to your suggestions as well.”

Down the hall, your friends were all guessing when they’d see you next. Some saying that one or both of you would come running back within the hour. Much to the delight of Mina, Jiro, Kaminari, and Kirishima - they guessed right. No one saw the two of you until you emerged from your apartment the next morning.

m.list

Okay, this whole thing was admittedly written after reading chapter 431 with izuchako becoming a thing and Jiro/Denki’s friendship deepening while Shouto just doubles down hard on soba. Something about that plus his absolute obliviousness is hilarious to me but I mostly write smut so it led to this weird awkward thing. Thanks for reading!

[lol-jackles]

Hello, how are you?

I would like to get your opinion on something JA said about friendship, it was about how he had learned from Jared that putting effort into a friendship it will pay you back in dividends for the rest of your life. I don't have the link but if I get it I'll send it to you.

You mentioned at times that a codependent friendship usually lasts about 10 years and that the J2's had to work on their friendship back in the day before the end of spn and all the TW drama.

They say they're still friends and I guess it's real if it's true that there have been apologies and well, time and distance usually helps. But when they say things like that, obviously it tends to happen at cons, the people who still attend are because they are fans of the show and the relationship between the brothers, of course you have to sell a united image.

What I don't quite understand is why they had to work so hard to keep their friendship together, it doesn't seem to be the same with other friendships, was it because of the co-dependency factor?

And also, why do two grown men, one more experienced than the other, have a codependent friendship? I'm not saying that the nature of the friendship is the same today for different reasons, but looking back it's not common to see certain actions and freedoms that were in that friendship arising from work, let alone the world of entertainment.

Sorry for the long text and happy New Year's Eve (if you celebrate it).

Link. Doing pretty well, thank you friend.

"why they had to work so hard to keep their friendship together, it doesn't seem to be the same with other friendships, was it because of the co-dependency factor?"

Mainly due to unique shared experience.  Think why people keep going back to their high school reunions despite purporting to hate their time in the warehouse, because there’s nobody else on earth that remotely experienced what you did.  There hasn’t been any tv shows or movies where you have the same co-lead for 15 consecutive years in a very competitive industry where everybody is trying to take your job *cough* Misha! *cough*.  Jared and Jensen had unique experiences on a unique show.  Friendships thrive on shared struggles and shared experiences: both positive and negative, especially negative!

"And also, why do two grown men, one more experienced than the other, have a codependent friendship?"

Because codependent friendship is a toxic solution to a problem(s).  Jensen is a bit under-functioning and needs validation, which may be why he would get weekly acting critiques from his father during his Supernatural tenure.  Jared had a problem with setting boundaries.   Jared had idolized Jensen, feeding his need for validation.  Jensen kept parasites and hangers-on away from Jared, sparing him from having to set boundaries.   Jared was younger and didn’t know better.  By the time he figured it out in his 30s, it was a bit too late because men in their 30s have harder time forming new friendships that become true friendship.  Going back to the shared experience, Jared doesn’t have a peer his age who knows what it was like to lead such a long running show.  Tom Welling maybe, but he pretty much went into hiding.

[sly-s-n0nfusion]

Irl world inspirations for Orsterra and Solistia 🗺 pt2

Link to part 1!

SPOILERS for some travelers' stories!!

Solistia

Toto'haha: I believe this region takes its inspiration from South East Asia/Polynesia. The house architecture seems to be the same. Ochette's story also leans heavily on beastlings/humans' relationships with the god-like entities of nature and earth, which are very important topics in Polynesian culture.

Polynesian islands

the Harborlands: Again, I suspect that the Harborlands might be inspired by Italy, but this time the opposite coast, Venice (in Veneto). Canalbrine is very much inspired by Venice because of the town's architecture and boat transportation, as well as the boats themselves being a clear reference to gondolas. Castti Florenz, however, is a traveler who gave me a headache while trying to figure out where she comes from. Given that the character herself is an amnesiac, so we know very little about her past as an apothecary of Eir, so I tried to figure it out with what I have. We know for sure that she isn't from the Harborlands as she only found herself in there at the beginning of her story. In her flashbacks we see her group operating in the Brightlands, so she might come from there. Now her name is pretty weird, has probably both Italian and French influences (her surname, Florenz, might be a version of "from Florence", which would hint at her having Italian origins, but in one banter with Partitio she jokingly says her full name is "Castti De François" which is a very French sounding surname. Also, her teammate Trousseau has a very French name. If we lean into the hypothesis that they all come from the Brightlands they might have French origins, since the region is probably inspired by France as we'll look into it next) Castti 🤝 Osvald : coming from who knows where

Venice, Italy

the Brightlands: Even though the name New Delsta might make one think of New York, I believe the inspiration for the Brightlands' biggest city is Paris. The european-style theatre and the buildings' architecture itself make it look like France's capital city. In the 18th century France was also a big centre of industrial developement (Clockbank). Throné Anguis might also have the frenchiest name among al the travelers so I'm pretty convinced the Brightlands might be France. We all know the big mess that is Throné's genealogical line so I won't dive into that lol. Lostseed’s gothic cathedral though reminds me of Notre Dame in Paris, too

Paris and Conques, France

the Winterlands: As I said in the previous post, cold regions were the ones I struggled the most with. Solistia's Winterlands could be Siberia/Northern Russia because of the super cold weather, and the infamous prisons and ice mines used during dictatorships (Frigit Isle). It also has the Sacred Guard headquarters and the stained glass in there make me think of some orthodox churches. I still haven't figured out where Osvald V. Vanstein comes from, though, because in-game he says that he lives in Conning Creek, in the Harborlands, but I suspect he might be native of some other place because of his very German-sounding name and last name. So he still remains a mystery to me to this day, I jokingly explain that as "he comes from Orsterra's Highlands"

Siberia

the Wildlands: Safe to say that this region is inspired by Texas/Southern US. The aesthetics of Oresrush and its mining industry is enough of a hint to the Gold Rush in the United states during the 18th century. Both Partitio Yellowil and Papp come from this region.

Virginia City, Nevada

the Leaflands: Perhaps my favorite Solistia region! It's very likely inspired by Southern Spain as both Timberain and Wellgroove have very big buildings/castles just like many historical Spanish towns. Agnea Bristarni herself is very much Spanish-coded (except her theme which is very celtic-sounding for some reason lol) both because of her name and her flamenco-inspired dress

Rupit and Coca Castle, Spain

the Crestlands: Another region I kinda struggled with. Excluding the omnipresent catholic church elements, the area seems to have very high hills/mountains as well as anglo-saxon inspired architecture. Some friends of mine pointed out that it might look like the Welsh countryside, but Crick Wellsley's very British surname is what convinced me. Temenos Mistral and Roi are also orphans and their names were perhaps given to them by the pontiff himself. Also for some reason the region seems to be in a perpetual autumn

Wales

Hinoeuma: Perhaps the most interesting culture mashup region of all! The references to Japanese culture such as local dishes and clothing is plain to see, but there are also elements of Chinese culture such as Hikari's gold crown and some buildings such as the Trial pagoda. Khu being in the middle of the desert is a clear reference to the Chinese town of Dunhuang. Hikari Ku has clear Japanese elements in his design.

Dunhuang, China

Thank you for reading!