#i think reading that last paragraph healed something in me

[journeysfable]

Op can I give you a virtual hug cause I'm actually fucking crying tears of joy irl at this (genuinely)

A bitter aromantic's rant below:

(Focusing mostly on the aro part cause thats the part I've seen this...phenomenon ig? Happen the most with. Said phenomenon being the idea that not feeling a certain emotion makes you a bad person)

You shouldn't need to be able to love to be considered a good person!!! You shouldn't need to love someone to consider helping helping them!!! You shouldn't need to be able to love in order to help others!!!

And it's always been weird to me that evil characters are sometimes given the motive of "they don't love anyone so they don’t understand the pain they cause" like wtf???

Its weird to me that people will use characters just being nice to each other as evidence that they're in love.

What does love have to do with kindness? Genuinely? And before you say "well you'd never hurt someone you love" I know my mom loves me because if she didn't she'd have kicked me out by now instead of trying to help me with my disabilities. But she hurt me when she gave my cat away without telling me and now I'm haunted by the fact I couldn't say goodbye. He didn't die or anything. Just wanted to see him one last time and get to say goodbye. But she didn't give me the opportunity. But she loves me so I guess it shouldn't hurt! (Sarcasm)

I love things very deeply too (At least I think I do. I've always defined love as 'the emotion you feel toward someone or something that brings you joy' but my dad disagreed with that definition [until I stopped telling him I loved him]) like this isn't even because of anything that's happened to me besides the fact that I don't feel romantic love. It'd be so easy for me go "well obviously I'm a good person cause I love my family and friends" but that just doesn't make sense?

It's just always been weird to me that people believe there's prerequisites to kindness. Don't even get me started on the way people treat empathy.

So its awesome that you looked at a character who's entire Thing, who's single defining trait, is saving people and went "he's never loved anyone, perhaps not even platonically, ever."

My only issue with this entire post is the implication that having romantic feelings for someone automatically makes them a priority but maybe there's nebulous attraction bullshit there. I mean I always thought it was the amatonormativity talking when people called their SO their other half but apparently thats an actual thing alloros feel???

can you talk about aroace freemercy :D?

Freemercy being aroace is an important part of the character if you want to view him as a real guy and not an ingame avatar and want to keep his odd moral compass intact. It is intertwined with his personality and worldview. ESSAY INBOUND.

Freemercy is detached from the world. There is good or there is bad. There are people to save and there are enemies. Nuance and shades of gray are often lost on him. Can the concept of a savior love? Can a self-made lethal weapon be held without cutting the skin? Can a man so focused on saving what's good and exterminating what's not stop to smell the roses? Does he actually care about anyone, or is this simply an obligation to him? What drives him, drives his morals? He is not really a healer. His hands that have tended wounds could have also been the cause of the wounds. He will shoot someone or break a bone if it meant physically stopping them if it would keep them alive. Freemercy is a bundle of strange impulses and uncomfortable truths masquerading as an average man. After all, he laughs, jokes, can hold a conversation, has a calm, put together demeanor... but don't be fooled.

His rules and some thoughts behind them

1. Save as many of his own as possible (us versus them mentality. what qualifies as his own? Scientists? Civillians? or... non-Enemies?)

2. Remove as many Enemies as possible (Enemies, capitalized. He has enemies. People and things who are dangerous, or even have the potential to be dangerous. He goes as far as to kill leaches in the water. Where is the line? Remember: he is not merciful)

3. Remove Hazards if Possible (nothing to really overanalyze with this one, hazards was defined as things that could kill people)

So, when you take him out of his element, out of danger, his mind will concoct it. He's not exactly a man with many hobbies. He's selfless --- too selfless. Selfless to the point it wraps back around into selfharm (see: grenade jumping). He fills the Freemercy shaped hole in his life by doing good, by being kind, by being attentive. And he does it by saving lives, too. Present him with the trolly problem and if he is certain he cannot stop the trolley, he will flip the lever (even if he knew the person tied to the track), and the only thing he'd care about is he failed to save everyone, not that he knew the person on the track. (And then even then, he can't linger for too long. He has people to save)

People are goals to him. Keep them safe; and when that can't be done, keep them alive. And threats are to be sought out and eliminated. He is too busy saving and obsessing. No one person is more important to him than another. They are people, and they are either good or bad. Freemercy will hurt himself or others for the greater good, and that includes anyone "close" to him. And... he's aroace (and you could even say aplatonic if you want too aswell)! It fits him well. He reminds me of when Data fron star trek next generation tries to be in a relationship: Freemercy isn't mean and he might try, but the concept of intimacy is alien to him, and he doesn't "feel" the right things to be able to engage with it. He cannot prioritize a life, especially one that's not in danger. It's hard enough to keep friends. The only reason he has any is because the other Freemen HAVE to associate with him. He's deeply misguided and sacrificial to a fault, and that can be uncomfortable to be around.

But it's important to note he doesn't see the need to try and change how he operates. He doesn't feel it his burden to save others, it's more like his duty. It's a job he does and does well. And it works! And as long as he's saving people (his self worth is determined on how many people he saves), then he's doing well! He's in his element as the savior of humanity, and being a savior doesn't mean you need to have the ability to love. And... he doesn't.

little bonus:

I like drawing Freemercy with snakes. I've usually only done one, but he has two! A black snake and a white snake. These have multiple meanings and were given to him for symbolic reasons, and one of those reasons is aroace! The black snake is the Asexual ring and the white snake is the Aromantic ring. Just a little fun . smiles.

[vrajitosarehaos]

Healed (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

summary: you finally come out of an emotional sadness and decide to go out with Bucky to dinner, without thinking about who you would end up running into.

words: 3219

A/N: My other blog where I published my one-shots (thewxtchwhowrites) was deleted out of nowhere without explanation, so now I upload it here on the main one. Enjoy 💖

You were carefully walking down the stairs and your heels started making noise as they hit the steps, causing Bucky and Steve who were talking near the door to turn to look at you.

Bucky looked nervous, and it was no wonder, the truth is that he had not been on a date in more than 70 or 80 years, with everything that had happened in his life these last few years since the 40s.

Steve seemed to calm him down, when the blond turned to look at you he had a smile on his lips, he looked like a proud older brother.

As you walked down the stairs you wondered how you had really gotten to this day, and the truth is that the whole series of events had been very convoluted and fun...

Or at least now that you were feeling better.

You had been depressed for a couple of months and it was because your boyfriend with whom you had been in a relationship for five years had broken up with you overnight with a simple message:

"I can't keep doing this, forgive me."

Your eyes began to fill with tears as you continued reading as best you could:

"I owe you what I am today. And it hurts me to tell you this, I don't know, I feel like I'm really screwing up by leaving all these years behind." Your tears no longer let you see, your vision was blurred. "But I want to make that decision and continue alone from now on. Maybe we can be friends in the future."

Bastard. You thought to yourself, it was obvious that there was something strange about his behavior after you both had your last movie date, but you decided not to listen to your intuition even though Natasha had warned you.

"I don't know, honey, I think you should be prepared…" Natasha sat on your bed and sighed, taking one of your pillows in her hands, and noticing one of the photographs you had on your wall where you and your now ex-boyfriend ex-boyfriend, were at a Coney Island fair with ice cream on your faces.

"But Nat…" You said while shaking your head. You were delusional, without a doubt. "We've been together for five years, I don't think we'll break up. He's just a little stressed because his business isn't going well."

There were times when your ex-boyfriend would disappear for weeks, claiming that he was busy working or trying to run his business (a music store that his grandfather had owned for many years) and sometimes when you logged on to social media after work, you would notice that he was still online sharing posts or tweeting, although he didn't respond to your chat.

Sometimes he'd leave you on 'read' or sometimes he just wouldn't seem to open the chat, which was… strange.

Until it happened.

Even the final message of that long paragraph of excuses had a rather late apology that said:

"I'm very sorry, not only for the moment in which I'm telling you all this. But also for what I've put you through and how I treated you, not speaking to you for weeks and then coming to you to write all this shit."

That last message definitely led to long hours of crying, especially at night in your room at the Avenger Compound, not wanting to leave your room, maybe just to eat with everyone or for missions, and then return to your room.

You were even more temperamental during missions, you hit harder, and you were even more reckless, which Bucky noticed immediately, he knew that attitude and hatred.

The first thing Nat, Wanda, and Maria Hill did when they found out was brought you ice cream and have a girls' night out, which ended relatively well, at least until Wanda put on a movie and the guy's name was your ex's.

A couple of nights later you heard a soft knock on your door, you were crying as quietly as you could, and you thought that maybe you had woken up Steve or Nat who were sleeping in the adjoining rooms, when you got up and opened the door, it was Bucky.

"Bucky?" You asked with some confusion.

"I… I brought you this." Bucky took a cookie out of his pants pocket, when you took it you could feel that it was broken. "I accidentally sat on the cookie while I was on my way here on the motorcycle, sorry."

That, even if it was something simple, made you laugh, and maybe it was the first time in five fucking months that you laughed sincerely and not in a forced way.

Bucky after you thanked him, he nodded softly with a shy smile on his lips and left saying goodnight.

You look at Bucky's face as a smile began to form on his lips as you walked down the stairs, it seemed like he saw the most beautiful thing on the planet and he even had a small bouquet of flowers for you in his hands.

As soon as you finished walking down the stairs, Bucky approached you at the bottom of them.

"You look…" Bucky started to say, but stayed silent.

"Do I look too dressed up? Is too much?" You said nervously, touching your hair and ironing your dress with your hands at the level of your stomach, it had been Nat and Wanda's idea to groom you as if you were a little doll even though you weren't totally used to it.

“No, you look like an angel…” Bucky interrupted you. He continued to look at you with those blue eyes, it was a kind, sweet look. You felt your cheeks redden and you let out a nervous laugh.

Steve raised his eyebrows at such a compliment, and since you had your back to Steve, he took the opportunity to give Bucky a thumbs up.

"Oh, this is for you." Bucky gave you the small bouquet of flowers that you took carefully, they smelled delicious.

“James, you didn't have to do it." you said in a whisper, looking between the flowers and Bucky.

You didn't remember that a man had ever given you flowers before, your ex in itself was not a person to give you that type of details and you, sometimes, didn't allow yourself to receive them either.

But for some reason with Bucky, the fact that he gave you those details, it felt different.

“It's true.” He put his hands in the pocket of his black pants, nodding at your comment. "I didn't have to, but I wanted to do it."

That comment caught your attention.

Steve patted both of you gently like a father and opened the door to the compound, smiling.

"Have fun…" Steve looked at you and nodded his approval as if you were his little sister. "But not too much."

Steve looked at Bucky when he said that last sentence, that was definitely a warning to him, Bucky just shrugged and let you take his arm as they walked to the motorcycle to Izzy's.

Honestly, you don't know how it happened, but it happened.

You began to spend more time with Bucky as the days and even weeks went by, first he asked you for help to play a prank on Sam by painting Nightwing as if it were a stingray and recording it to show in the group chat that you all shared.

Then you would help him with technological issues or you would end up sitting in the compound's cinema watching old movies while you listened to him tell you things about how things were in those times.

And maybe some embarrassing stories about Steve.

You discovered that he was chivalrous, opening the door for you and even letting you in first by placing either of his two hands just under your back in a protective manner. Even when you had to take something somewhere he offered himself, not allowing you to do it.

Including the bowl of popcorn, because he didn't want you to get burned.

You thought that sometimes Bucky was an exaggerator, but you began to notice that he did things that even your ex-boyfriend had stopped doing after being together for a while.

When you and Bucky went out on the street, he always offered you his right arm, since he felt a little insecure offering you his left arm, the mechanical one. However, that insecurity started to disappear and then he didn't care which arm you grabbed as long as you held his arm when you walked.

The times when neither of you could sleep and you stayed talking, whether in your bed or his, he didn't fall asleep while you were talking about those topics that you were both passionate about, nor did he change the subject, he just watched you with attention.

Bucky even remembered the things you had said to him a couple of months or weeks ago and that you didn't even remember what you had said to him.

You were healing little by little, starting to be you again.

And somehow he was healing too.

If you were at one of Tony's parties or maybe at a mission meeting, sometimes you would look at Bucky when he wasn't looking at you, and the other way around would also happen, and if you caught each other looking, both would just smile like a couple of fools and look away.

One night you heard a soft knock on your door, you recognized that soft knock, when you opened your door it was Bucky again, but he looked different tonight.

"Hi..." Bucky said slowly, seeming a little nervous, his right hand resting on the frame of your door, trying to look casual. "I wanted to invite you to dinner, well, it's not really a dinner."

You could notice and see Bucky's nervousness when trying to say things as he had (probably) rehearsed them in front of the bathroom mirror and he added:

"Or yes, maybe it is, I don't know."

You interrupted his rambling with a smile on your lips, gently raising a hand to the level of your chest.

"Yes..." That's what you said, you noticed how his eyes softened at the fact that you had agreed. "Yes, I'd like to go."

He nodded repeatedly and sighed in relief, letting out a soft chuckle.

"So Friday at eight sounds good to you?" Bucky was clearing his throat, trying to hide his excitement that you had accepted dinner, you nodded. "Okay, I'll see you on Friday."

Bucky quickly kissed your cheek, wished you goodnight, and left without stopping smiling like a fool.

When you two arrived at Izzy's, Bucky greeted Leah with a smile, she seemed surprised but happy that she now finally saw him with someone other than Mr. Nakajima, especially seeing you walk in with him.

You and Bucky sat at one of the tables and you had a sneaking suspicion that someone was watching you, but you weren't sure after all there were more people than usual today, it was Friday.

After a couple of laughs, drinks, Asian food and bad jokes, a few caresses on your hand from his you noticed out of the corner of your eye that someone was approaching the table and you swore it was a waiter.

But it was your ex.

“Y/N…” Your ex said in a firm voice, looking from Bucky reluctantly and then back to you. "What are you doing here with him?"

The audacity of this idiot. You thought as you heard those words come out of your ex's mouth.

"The real question is, what are YOU doing here?" You responded rudely as a frown began to form on your forehead.

"So you're the… man who broke her heart." Bucky told him in a calm voice, but he was really trying to stop himself from smashing your ex-boyfriend's face into the pretty little sushi boat that was on the table, because he didn't want to ruin your night.

Bucky slowly stood up from the chair, making your ex jump a little, maybe he was nervous with Bucky's presence.

And the truth is he should be nervous.

Bucky was quite tall, strong and even if he didn't have a vibranium left arm, he would have enough strength to change your ex-boyfriend's health status to deceased if he tried to go far with you.

And on top of that he had to avoid at all costs breaking the second rule that he had agreed upon with Dr. Raynor in therapy: No one gets hurt.

Your ex scrunched his face in disapproval at Bucky's words, not believing what he was hearing, but now you understood many things, you had been receiving notifications on social networks, especially from Instagram indicating that your ex occasionally looked at the stories you published.

Part of you didn't understand why you continued to have him on Instagram, perhaps because you used that social network very little, but whatever, now you understood what your ex was doing there.

"What? N-No, I was confused…" Your ex started to speak, he even tried to get a little closer to you, but he couldn't since Bucky gently moved his left arm that was covered by a glove. "Now my mind is more than clear and I want us to go back Y/N."

Bucky tried to talk to him by placing his right hand on his shoulder.

"Look, son…" But your ex just moved, removing Bucky's hand from his shoulder.

"Don't call me son, we are the same age, pal." Your ex responded aggressively, while rolling his eyes, looking back at you.

Very few knew that Bucky was actually 106 years old, which if you had been in another situation you would have found it funny.

"Look, I don't know what you've been through in these eight or nine months, but she and I are together, and she's not interested in getting back with you or anyone else." Bucky spoke in a fairly firm tone of voice, being respectful.

You began to feel anxious, you felt your stomach turn not only from nervousness, but from the embarrassment you were experiencing in the establishment, many of the people at the adjacent tables were looking towards you.

"Are you really going to throw away all these years together with me, by being with him?" Your ex-boyfriend spoke softly, as if he was trying to manipulate you. "Y/N? I know you haven't forgotten me, you still love me, I know that."

You looked between both men, there was some doubt in your eyes or that's what Bucky thought he saw in you, maybe it was embarrassment.

You got up from your seat and enter the bathroom of the place with tears in your eyes, on many occasions you had dreamed of something similar, dreams that ended in nightmares that you tried to ignore some nights, many ended with your ex calling you different things like 'bitch', 'whore' or 'ungrateful witch' while throwing things at you or shaking you.

You ended up waking up drenched in sweat many nights, breathing heavily and then crying silently until sleep overcame you, although those tears and nightmares ended up being silenced by Bucky on more than one occasion while he slept next to you, stroking your hair or hugging you in his arms.

You had entered the bathroom and locked yourself inside one of the stalls, you were hyperventilating, you didn't think the wound would reopen again, you really thought you were over that, you didn't know how much time had passed, you were just sitting on the toilet seat with tears in your eyes.

Until your train of thought stopped when you heard the door to the women's bathroom open wide, hearing soft footsteps coming in and seeming to have stopped near the mirror.

"Y/N?" It was Leah's voice, it sounded soft because the bathroom had quite an echo. "Are you okay, do you need anything?"

"He's gone?" You asked shakily, leaving the bathroom stall, as soon as Leah saw you with your makeup smeared with tears, she gently tilted her head, giving you an empathetic look and approached you.

Leah nodded at your question.

"Yes, between Mr. Nakajima, Bucky and I, we took that being out of the restaurant." Leah rolled her eyes, she reached into the pockets of her apron for a handkerchief with a couple of flowers embroidered on it and wiped your face. "I really thought James was going to break his face, I was already thinking about what to replace the restaurant furniture with… they are made of old wood."

Both laughed at the comment, although you also imagined Mr. Nakajima, who had a bad temper, pushing your ex out of the restaurant door.

He was a man with a quite volatile temperament, like Bucky's.

When you returned to the restaurant you didn't see Bucky, he was outside leaning on his motorcycle, you said goodbye to Mr. Nakajima who was also leaving the restaurant with you and of course to Leah, thanking both.

Mr. Nakajima opened the door for you and let you out first.

"Pretty ladies first" Mr. Nakajima said with a kind smile, which made you laugh, and that made Bucky turn his head to the door of the establishment and approach you.

"Are you ok?" Bucky gently took your face in his hands, caressing your cheeks with his thumbs.

You looked into his eyes and you could feel that he was still upset by your ex's attitude, in fact, he seemed a little uncomfortable, perhaps remembering your look of doubt.

You nodded silently. You had a thoughtful look again.

"Honey…" Bucky began to speak softly, lowering his hands to his sides. It was the first time he had called you that pet name since you had started talking and going out. "I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with."

You remained silent, listening to what he had to say.

"I have nightmares at night, I have anger issues, I'm 106 years old…" Bucky chuckled, looking away from your eyes for a moment to see a couple of people crossing the street during the lonely night. "Even other problems, especially because of my past, so I will totally understand if you want to get back with him."

You didn't know what your expression really was, but Bucky seemed surprised as he looked back at you.

"What? I said something wrong?" Bucky asked, maybe you looked at him like he was crazy.

"I'm really going to have to talk to Dr. Raynor." You said nodding with a smile on your lips.

Bucky looked at you confused, he didn't understand what the mention from his psychologist that he was seeing it had to do with this conversation.

“Oh please…” You rolled your eyes, sometimes you forgot that Bucky was born before penicillin. "It means that I'd be crazy if you think I'm going to choose my ex. I like you, James B-"

Bucky leaned forward, crashing his lips against yours and bringing his hands back to your face, your eyes instinctively closed, enjoying the kiss which became more intense and then you both separated, gasping for air, without saying a word...

You two now knew how the other felt.

[noisyghost]

I found your art randomly and I have fallen into Ark obsession (and just your style in general, it’s so good 👏)

I was curious how Ark’s first transformation went? Was he prepared? I think you said in one of your posts that most people don’t survive the first transformation so was recovery from it like super brutal or did the werewolf healing kick in 🤔

Thank you for putting your work out into the world!!

thank you for the ask! he is very special 2 me so i am glad you enjoy him :)

the funny thing is that i am actually in the process of writing/illustrating a thing detailing this very incident! it's gotten way longer than it has any right to be so ive still got some work to do, but i'll answer your question and then put a little preview under the read more lol

Ark's first full moon transformation lasted about 12 hours and he thought he was dying for like 90% of it! Werewolf healing certainly helped him recover faster than human, but it still took over a month to get better, and then ofc the next full moon undid a good chunk of that healing again, so all in all it was likeeee 6-ish months before he really got to heal all the way.

And he was prepared. He knew what was going to happen and had a super powered babysitter (aka Mira, who was with him for the whole thing) and it was still one of the most traumatic nights of his life; he was not "normal" for a loooooong time after it.

To his (unfortunate) credit, his first full moon was somewhat more brutal than normal bc his werewolf form is so fuck off huge. Like. It would have sucked regardless, but turning into something that big definitely did not help!

So, yeah -- the transformation itself sucked and then the recovery sucked just as bad. And when i say "it sucked" i mean he broke bones, cracked ribs, tore muscle, etc etc, so he didn't really leave his house for months. He already had a general aversion to people touching him, but for years after this he still flinches at even the smallest thing :)

(CW for general gore/injury under the cut! this is like. somehow the least-gross section i could pull some paragraphs from lol)

She could not tell you when she passed out. With her last bit of consciousness she remembers picking up his limp body and carrying it back into the other room, completely ignoring the blood and grime covering the entirety of him as she put him back in bed.  Her sheets don’t matter. Hell, the whole damn bed doesn’t matter at this point. His skin was blanketed in a layer of cold sweat and his body lay in her arms like rubber, but the second she’d put him down, he shook beneath her like he was freezing, numbly pawing at the sheets for salvation.  He’d shrunk in size considerably and the sweltering coat of fur that’d been keeping him uncomfortably warm had all but receded back into his flesh, exposing the litany of cuts and scrapes and tears that’d cratered his skin over the course of the night. Beside each wound is a complimentary bruise, an impressionist landscape of purple and yellow and red painted across his naked body.  She’d been attentively listening to his heartbeat and breathing the entire night. At least, she’d tried to. But when the chatter of his teeth and the depths of his breathing became rhythmic over the course of an hour, she quietly lost the battle against exhaustion, passing out on the bed beside him.  There’s nothing more she could have done for him anyway. It’s a fight he knows he would have lost if the roles were reversed, so even if he was composed enough to know where he was, he wouldn’t have faulted her anyway.  The pain had become passive, a passenger to the general fatigue and malaise of illness. His head is full of cotton, sopping up every loose incoherent thought his brain tries to put together and turning it to mush. He can’t see or hear or think, and—at this point—he can barely feel, an almost gentle haze falling over him like the fog of anesthesia. So severe was the agony that it’s wrapped all the way back around to numbness; he couldn’t move a single limb if his life depended on it, his chest barely rising and falling to allow air into his tired, barely intact lungs.  If he could think in anything more than colors and shapes, he’d be reciting the mantra ‘it’s almost over, it’s almost over’. But right now, the world is little more than a soft, orange glow emanating from the dim lights scattered around her room.  For nearly twelve hours, his brain had been too wired to shut off, too manic to do anything other than gawk at the monstrosity of contorted limbs his body had become. If life was fair, he would have simply passed out and awoke when it was over. But it isn’t fair. So he had to experience the whole thing, fully conscious. Though, perhaps, not fully cognizant. And that would be for the best. 

[spearmintsmut]

MY OWN MUDBLOOD 5

The tensionnn thank you for the suggestions for this fic, I’m so glad I kept writing it. I hope this smut heals the broken heart last chapter gave you x

Draco hadn’t returned since he left via floo and you were left alone with your reeling mind. Not only was he already difficult to live with on a good day, he was unpredictable too and it was giving you whiplash. You had him in your mouth and a moment after he was done, he was angry again for thoughts that were beyond your control. It isn’t fair, you thought, that he could hear your thoughts AND hold that against you as if you could help it. You decided to open up one of the books your father had picked up for you when you moved to the manor and brush up on some spells to distract yourself. Flipping through the pages, you weren’t sure where to start. You would ask your father for help but since moving in with Narcissa, he paid even less attention to you and asking him for help would feel like talking to a brick wall. You decided to start light with some less intimidating spells and charms, landing on lumos. You pick your wand up reading carefully as you flick your wand, light instantly gleaming from it. Though it seemed like an easy enough spell, you were still pleased with yourself. You turned it off with a spell just as simple and moved on to the next. Accio, a summoning spell. Also seemed simple enough, you thought, reading the small paragraph on it. You set your book down and picked your wand back up. You lifted your hand up nervously as you summoned the book, still unsure of if you were saying it correctly, but it flew to your hand so quickly you almost dropped it. You couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face, having taught yourself two new spells without any help or experience. You already had a good momentum and kept reading. The next chapter was on levitation. You looked around your room for something to levitate but all there was on the floor of your new room was a small pile of clothes. You read the spells closely before you pointed your wand at it with a swish and flick.

“Wingardium Leviosa,” You spoke awkwardly, hoping you said it right - and sure enough, a pair of your lace panties lifted up slowly into the air above the pile. You held your wand up, keeping the panties in the air as you cast your eyes back down to the book to confirm the spell to drop them back down. You read the spell aloud, but as you looked back up at your work, the panties fell into a large pale hand. You almost fell back in shock as your eyes adjusted to the tall blonde in your room.

“Another gift for me huh mudblood? I’ll take it,” he said with a straight face but painfully smug tone. He shoved the panties in the pocket of his perfectly ironed pants.

You didn’t know if you wanted to apologise for the thoughts he heard earlier in the library, or yell at him for listening in the first place. You almost couldn’t enjoy what you’d done in that library. Almost didn’t think about it all afternoon. Almost weren’t hearing his moans in your mind right now. Your mind snapped back to reality like a rubber band as he spoke your name. Your eyes refocused and looked at him, though you couldn’t find your words.

“These piss-easy spells aren’t going to help you if…when..,” he stumbled on his words then stopped. He drew in a slow breath through his teeth, clenching his jaw before he started again. “These spells are useless. Come and get another book off me after Tea. I want you studying spells that will actually protect you in the case of…what ever” he trailed off and you noticed him hold his hand over his covered forearm. You remembered seeing the dark mark on his arm and felt a pang of sympathy at the thought of what he must have had to endure during that time. You quickly pulled yourself out of that thought, worried that he was listening to your thoughts again. You nodded at him in agreement.

“I’m glad you’re learning…something at least,” he offered and his compliment surprised you, though it was still rather patronising. You gave him half a smile but didn’t respond.

You both took a quick step back from each other as you heard the sound of high heels clicking against the marble staircase, but before Draco had the time to leave your room, you saw Narcissa reach your door.

“Oh how nice, you two are finally getting along,” she cheered looking at the two of you. You offered a polite smile and Draco just rolled his eyes.

“How were my favoured slytherin boys, son?” She asked warmly and you wondered who they were. Was they who he was with the last couple of days? Draco having friends, or keeping them, was hard to imagine if he acted the same with anyone else. “Fine,” he shrugged.

“Do bring them to visit again, Draco. You know I haven’t seen them since before…well, you know,” she trailed off, clearly not wanting to finish her thought. “Anyway, Tea will be ready in 5,” she tried to finish cheerfully.

“Sure. If you promise not to fawn over them” he raised a brow at her. She promised him she wouldn’t, though whoever they were, it seemed as though she might anyway.

She turned and descended the stairs gracefully, flowing down in her gold trim dress.

The Malfoy two made you feel underdressed no matter what you wore, you looked down at your white blouse and pleated skirt. You knew you would have to find a new wardrobe soon to at least try and fit in with your new family. The word still tugged at your chest..”family”. You barely knew your step mother, and your step brother had been between your legs barely three days ago. Family was hardly the word for it, though you longed for it nonetheless.

When you swam out of your thoughts and looked up, Draco was studying your face. He didn’t ask any questions, but he stared intently like he were reading a book. You figured he was intruding in your thoughts again and scoffed, pushing past him and down the stairs. Though he hadn’t meant to that time, he had heard what he needed to, as if your thoughts of him flashed in his mind like a snippet of a movie. Though he would never admit to it being unintentional, he enjoyed almost every minute of it. Snape had taught him the art of legilimency in 6th year, and though he became skilled at it quickly, there were still things he didn’t understand, like why he heard or saw thoughts that others had of him without intending to. It had happened when you fantasised about him, which he delighted in listening in to. But it had also happened when he arrived home and found you in the library that morning, leaving him an uncomfortable mixture of rage, and something else. He couldn’t place what it was, but it made him feel warm. He never felt warm. Though he didn’t allow himself to feel regret for the way he reacted that morning, he knew he might, had he been raised differently.

You walked into the luxurious dining hall and sat across from your father and Narcissa, who were already seated next to each other. You were half glad they had taken those seats so you didn’t have to sit front on toward Draco again. That was until he sat beside you and your senses filled with his expensive cologne, and you could just about feel the electricity between your bodies. You were still angry that he had likely read your mind again moments before, but now sharing the room with both of your parents, you faked a smile as you began to eat.

You felt uncomfortable with the silence and decided to fill it yourself.

“I taught myself some spells today,” though you hadn’t meant to brag, you couldn’t help the smile that crept on your face.

“That’s great darling! Did Draco help you?” Your father asked and immediately, your smile dropped. You drew a deep breath in, fighting every fibre of your being not to scream. You tried to open your mouth to correct him, but tears began to prick your eyes first. You took in another shaky breath, embarrassed at how easily he dampened your pride, and tried again to correct him, but you heard Draco’s voice beside you first.

“She said she taught herself.” Your head snapped to him, and he was leaned forward, his lip crinkled into a snarl. You couldn’t quite believe what was happening and though you didn’t want to be spoken for, far less toward your father, you were grateful he did. Had you cried, attempting to stand up for yourself, you didn’t think you could face any of them again. He didn’t look at you, but you mentally thanked him, hoping he would hear you.

Your fathers face was stiff and you were worried his polite facade would slip, but he curtly congratulated you instead.

“That’s great Darling. What did you learn?” Narcissa tried to break the tension with her warm voice.

“I..I” you stuttered, still recovering from the emotion your dad had such a talent for bringing out of you. You felt a warm hand on your knee under the table and it instantly pulled you out of your near tears. Draco’s thumb rubbed over your skin calmingly and though distracting, you were able to continue with a sniff.

“I learned lumos, accio, and levitation,” you smiled.

“She definitely did well with levitation,” Draco said and you could hear the smirk in his tone. Though you knew it was a private dig at you, it did cheer you up some.

His hand lifted off your knee and you felt his finger lightly glide up your naked thigh, drawing soft circles just under the hem of your skirt. It tickled in the best way imaginable, dissipating the hurt and embarrassment you had just felt, taking up that space in your mind with something very different. You felt the cold of his rings on your sensitive inner thigh and were reminded of the same feeling nights before in your bed. He gripped your thigh as you tried to continue speaking, though his hands on you clouded your mind with memories of him kissing them. You felt yourself start to get wet and hoped your panties were enough to keep from leaving a wet patch on the expensive seat. You stole a look at your step-brother sitting beside you and saw his heavenly smirk playing on his lips. Though your parents didn’t seem to notice, you shot him a warning look anyway. He licked his pink lips and they glistened, leaving you near breathless. He spoke to your father about his plans for going back to complete his schooling at Hogwarts after the break as if his hand wasn’t sliding further up your thigh. Your cheeks reddened and you could barely sit still, but you couldn’t find the strength to stop him either. His fingers played with your thigh and you felt him trace a heart right below your panties.

You tried to listen to the conversation at hand but your mind was racing with memories and fantasies, both of him. You involuntarily spread your thighs slightly under the table, giving him the room to trace along the inside of your upper thigh. You were already wrestless, and if he didn’t stop soon, you knew you would lose control. Suddenly, you felt his long finger drag up the crotch of your panties to your clothed clit. He rubbed a slow circle on your clit and the breath caught in your chest. Your eyes almost rolled back from the sudden and direct pleasure to your core.

“I’m done!” you choked out, standing up abruptly. Your legs were shaky and you could feel your soaked panties wetting your inner thighs as you stood. Narcissa looked at you surprised and your father shot you an angry look at your lack of manners, but you knew you couldn’t sit there any longer.

“Th.thank you for dinner,” you corrected before rushing out and up the stairs. You heard Draco excuse himself and follow up the stairs behind you. When you got to the top, you rushed into your room, desperate to relieve yourself, or at least try- but Draco caught the door before it closed.

“What the fuck Draco you prat!” You tried to keep your voice down. He chuckled, a low rumble in his chest. “You, you can’t do that,” you almost whined.

“I think you liked it just fine, little one,” he purred in your ear. He was right. But god, was it more than a tease. “I did, but,” your voice was breathier than you meant, a slave to the pleasure his voice alone gave you.

“But nothing,” he leaned inches from your face and as his breath fanned over your face you instinctively closed your eyes. His lips crashed against yours and you returned the pressure. His tongue swiped your lip and you parted them without hesitation, fighting each other for dominance before giving in to him. He pressed his body against yours, grinding himself against you before his thigh pushed between your legs, parting them. One of his hands held the wall beside you and the other pushed between your bodies against your chest. He kneaded your breast, flicking your nipple with his thumb. His hand trailed down your torso and you wined your hip, desperate for him to give your clit attention again, now that you were alone.

“What do you want hmm? Use your words like a big girl,” he toyed with you, barely brushing against your stomach.

“Please,” you breathed. “Please touch me,” you begged. “Please Draco,” you couldn’t wait any longer and grabbed his hand, placing it between your legs.

“There you go,” he whispered against your neck before kissing and licking at it. He lifted your skirt and rubbed soft fast circles over your swollen clit.

You felt his hard cock rub against you and he moaned against the sensitive skin below your ear. He pulled your soaked panties to the side and sunk his middle finger into you and you fought not to cry out in pleasure.

“Fuck, tsk tsk, getting this wet at the dinner table,” you blushed at his words. “Who are you this wet for hmm?” He added another finger and pumped in and out.

“Mmm you, Draco. You,” you moaned.

“This wet for your step brother, you are a depraved little thing aren’t you,” he mocked and your eyes rolled back as he curled his fingers inside. He rubbed your clit with his thumb at the same time and you let out a loud moan. He held his other hand over your mouth to muffle your moans.

“That’s it, mudblood. I know you want to cum for me,” he quickened his pace and you looked up at him, breath quickening to pants.

“I’m so close Draco please!” You moaned against his hand.

“Cum for me mudblood,” he leaned down to your level and whispered in your ear and felt yourself come undone, clenching and spasming around his long fingers. You moans fell from you and he covered your mouth again. Your legs shook and twitched and just as they collapsed below you, he caught you and picked you up like you weighed nothing. He carried you to your bed and laid you down. You looked up at him in a daze. He walked out without a word, and came back moments later with a large book in hand. He set it on the desk next to you and stood tall over you. Looking up at him, you wondered if he would make you suck his cock again, but instead, he leaned down and brushed a strand of your hand behind your ear with his pinkie.

“Rest up, mudblood. And in the morning, I want you to study this book. Don’t bother wasting your time with anything else until you’ve learned enough for duelling practice,” he ordered. Duelling practice? The idea worried you. You’d only just learned your first few spells, all of which being small, inconsequential ones for every day. Now he wants you learning defensive magic already? As if he read your mind, and maybe he did, he smiled at you.

“It’s okay, I’ll go easy on you. You need to learn okay?“ his voice was oddly reassuring. Warm? Not quite. But reassuring.

@lail1010

[violetsandshrikes]

Genuine: Why do you think so many people spread misinfo about health/wellness/skin/all those things?

Personally, I would put it down to a few things.

• Sometimes to sell a product. Plenty of people lie as a form of marketing - big pharma doesn’t want you to know that x doesn’t really work or is secretly bad for you, but I have y that is has healed me and so many others for the low price of $69.99.

• Desperation. Lots of countries are finding their healthcare infrastructure and funding has not kept up with their population growth and needs over the last few decades. People are getting no answers, feeling frustrated, seeing people around them experience chronic illness, disability and even death. It does distrust in the established systems, and means people are more likely to try anything to cope.

• Poor scientific literacy. This one is hard, because sometimes I feel fellow scientists can look down on the public for this, when really scientific literacy is a skill that you a) have to be taught and learn and b) practice to get better at.

I think there was a big cultural shift towards people understanding that academic papers and reviews are the gold standard of facts and research, but unfortunately, a lot of people don’t actually know how to read them. When I see a strange claim made that’s back up by a scientific paper, what I usually find is:

a) They’ve taken a sentence or paragraph out of context, and that the context does not necessarily support their claim.

b) They’ve taken a sentence or paragraph out of the results section, but failed to mention that it was noted but found to not be statistically significant.

c) They’ve misunderstood what the paper is saying, whether this is due to jargon, familiarity with the topic, if the paper is particularly confusing in itself, and so on.

There also seems to be confusion that just because something is formally published doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s good. There’s lot of shit pay-to-play journals that mass churn out shit poorly reviewed work. A paper can not be a good for a variety of reasons: small sample size (and the effects of this not being taken into consideration), poor methodology, poor statistical analysis, poor referencing, reasoning that isn’t sufficiently explained or backed up, not examining potential errors or bias.

Young and early stage scientists are (hopefully) taught how to scan a paper for these things, how to assess things like it’s publishing impact and other factors about the journal itself, check who wrote it and if they have conflicts of interest (and if they’ve actually declared those conflicts), and so forth. Unfortunately, a lot of the time the public doesn’t have that training or knowledge to analysis research outputs like that, so things get lost in translation or interpretation.

[nyxmainex]

I finished it guys. I finished them. IN A DAY.

Be it, they are VERY rushed and look as such, but I AM PROUD OF MYSELF FOR ONCE.

@velnna @bara-izu @necromosss

Fanart for your characters.

(Warnings: Me rambling)

If any of the artist I made this for see this, I hope you like it even maybe a portion as much as I do. Maybe more. Genuinely, each of these three artists inspire me to continue my hobby of making art. The reason I even do this hobby is to share it in hopes to inspire others. As much courage as it takes for me to even make these much less post them is just proof to myself how far I've come in terms of social interaction. I thank my friend, my mom and teacher for supporting my hobbies and specifically convincing me to make this. I'm off on a ramble, apologies.

I really do hope you like this. Each character has something I added to them, and I explain in their dedicated paragraph. Then you also get an overall part:).

MIRA ♡

Necromosss is the second BG3 artist I found on Tumblr and I adore their art. Everytime I see Moss post, I promise you I immediately spread it to my friends just so they get the recognition they deserve.

Mira was the last character I ended up drawing, and is definitely the most hurried and sloppy. I made hers pretty late, close to the time I sleep, yet I do feel proud of how I made her. Imagining Mira in the stories I've created, I believe she'd fit in with Meladonia, a kingdom of ghosts, poison, and death. Overlooking the main theme, Meladonia's queen, Chamixie (and funny enough, my character who romanced Gale), is a very lighthearted, flirty person. She, while respecting death and it's concepts, is always up to make an occasional joke. She doesn't take everything personally, and I think she'd get alone well with Mira. The Meladonia magic is dark magic known at Kalak. 'Mixie (Chamixie's nickname) created Kalak as a form of a way to express herself. Kalak magic is not negative, and it's not harmful. In fact, Kalak magic is meant to heal and embrace your fears to use positively. Most of the time, using Kalak magic causes small white, almost snake-like slits to form in the pupil of the user's eyes.

I hope you like how I drew her!:)

STAEVE ☆

MAF is the first BG3 artist I found on Tumblr. I can't put in to words how much they've inspired me. Me and my mom both love Staeve, we think he's great, and I can't wait to see more art from Velnna.

Staeve is the first character I drew, and though not as rushed as Mira's, I wasn't confident drawing him. I'm not too sure about how I drew him, though I do hope anyone reading this likes it. Much like Mira, I imagine he'd be from Meladonia if put in my stories.

In case you haven't read about Kalak magic, I'll copy it: The Meladonia magic is dark magic known at Kalak. 'Mixie (Chamixie's nickname) created Kalak as a form of a way to express herself. Kalak magic is not negative, and it's not harmful. In fact, Kalak magic is meant to heal and embrace your fears to use positively. Most of the time, using Kalak magic causes small white, almost snake-like slits to form in the pupil of the user's eyes.

I've, as an anon, told Velnna about one version of my first OC (Broodmother Nera). And she's a version of my main five characters. Her and Chamixie are sisters, four years apart (Nera is 28). Chamixie is a much more sort of flirty person and takes everything told to her with a drop of comedy, unless it's extremely serious (ex: any abuse) as she has experienced negative situations herself. I imagine that she'd want to be friends with Staeve as long as he wants to, but would likely rather protect him even if he doesn't want to be friends. Staeve reminds Chamixie of Alison, the youngest of the five sisters, and was Chamixie's previous life's bio daughter. Even if they are sisters in this life, Chamixie still, while not overprotective, is cautious around Alison. To an extent, Staeve gives off a similar vibe as Alison, and 'Mixie would do more than her best to help Staeve without being overbearing.

I hope this is interesting enough, and that you enjoy how I drew Staeve.

HALION ◇

I have so much trouble remembering how to write this lovely man's name, please correct me if it's wrong, I have terrible memory.

I recently found Bara, and I love all their characters. (No joke though, I ran to my mom to show her your characters). Halion is definitely one of my favourites.

I was the most confident creating Halion, and I genuinely am proud of my art. This is honestly one of the few times I do feel proud of myself. From the posts I read, which is not too many, I love his cheery personality. He makes me believe he'd be from Parfi if he was in my stories. Parfi is the kingdom of the Wasteland, but is known for war, previously known for lust, but after Lord Clemin became the ruler, she changed it to accommodate travellers. While it was re-built for wars, she's made it a beacon of light within a desert. That reminds me of Halion. Clemin, as a ruler, comes off as strong and demanding. But out of all five of the rulers, and as the second oldest sister, she's very soft. Even with her own insecurities, she lifts people up and encourages their positive ambitions. She's actually not very confident, even though presenting as such. Even if she is very silent, and kind of reserved, she'd feel comfortable with talking to Halion.

She created Taei magic, the magic of heat. Taei magic is considered neutral magic, and though she has used it negatively on herself, Taei was meant to be positive. Using Taei magic is essentially holding the essence of a flame, and it's a guiding light to find others. Clemin wants the people of her and her sister's kingdoms to never have to experience what any of them did/do. Using it reflects a flame in the user's eyes.

I hope you agree he'd be from Parfi, and if not, tell me why:)! I also hope you like the art I made for him.

OVERALL/EXTRA

I'm sorry this post is so long, and I wanted to be finish setting up my blog when I made this but I'm just too impatient to do so. The reason this post is so long is because while I could've made art of any artist I enjoy, these three artists inspired me the most. (And I'm an overthinker, so I want to make sure you understand how much I appreciate these artists.)

I hope you enjoy the ideas I had and the art I made. I love all three of these pieces I've made, and I love the original art that they were based on more. And if it's alright with the artists, I'd love to draw more!:)

While writing this, my hands are shaking. Ignore any mistakes in the writing.

(References)

Mira: (her Notion page)

Staeve:

This

And this

Halion:

This

This

And this

PROGRAMS USED:

Infinite painter for lineart and Clip Studio Paint (pro) for everything else.

Edit: LOOKING BACK AT THIS, IT'S SO SAPPY AND LONG I'M SORRRYYYYYY

[nyewclear]

So wait!! How would Artemis be with an openly neurodivergent partner? Like a partner who embraces their own neurodivergence as a main part of them? Would that make Artemis more open to accepting their own diagnosis or would it make them feel worse??

if anyone is curious as to what this ask is referring to, check the second to last paragraph of this beast of a response i posted yesterday!

i genuinely believe that the main character (us, the player) is a catalyst in artemis’ life. a couple of times, they say things like, “you make me feel like no one else has ever made me feel” and “thank you for being the person i know my mom always wanted me to have,” and they really mean it when they say that. artemis does have their friends, who they are very close with, but there’s something a little different about being known deeply by a close friend and being known deeply by a partner. i think that, as their partner, you’re able to show them so much, and they really need that.

now, i think that if artemis had an openly neurodivergent partner, one that often didn’t view their neurodivergence as a burden or a pre-determined curse, it would make them think really hard about themself. artemis has said before in the game that they really admire you and they love how determined and hard-working you are, ESPECIALLY because you don’t have a traditional 9-5 job. the fact that you’re cool and successful and interesting and awesome to be around, combined with the fact that you’re neurodivergent would make them think really really hard, because they’ve always viewed their neurodivergence as something incredibly ugly. if you can be great and be neurodivergent, why can’t they? they’d sit on this for a long time, quietly watching you as they mull it over. it would take a considerable amount of time for them to finally come to a positive conclusion though.

i do also think that you would be a catalyst in them finally going to get an adhd diagnosis, even if that’s kind of cheesy, hahaha. i imagine the scenario to be something like you and artemis have been dating for a long while, long enough that you’re starting to realize things about artemis’ grief and their fear of being seen as a failure, as well as their debilitating internalized ableism. you, like everyone else around artemis, would have suspected (read: known) that artemis has adhd, but it’s kind of a hunch since artemis never wants to say that out loud.

so your natural course of action would be to talk to your & artemis’ friends about this, particularly kurou and mordag, who have known artemis the longest. during this conversation, kurou would mention the time he brought up the adhd and how artemis got super angry afterwards, and mordag would echo some similar sentiments in that regard. afterwards, you, kurou, and mordag would go to artemis to talk about this, which is really nervewracking because all of you are anxious that artemis is going to get very upset, like they always do when their adhd is mentioned.

the only reason why artemis is receptive this time around is because you’re there, and you’ve never been there before. i like to think that the thing that gets artemis to finally crack is when you say something along the lines of, “this is nothing to be scared of. you’re going to be okay and you’ve always had the capacity to be okay, and knowing this won’t hurt you. all of us love you so much, even if you don’t think we do, and nothing that could happen could change that.”

recall the scene at the library where the player says something like, “there’s nothing wrong with you,” and artemis almost breaks down in tears at the circulation desk? they needed to hear that so badly from someone that cared about them, and i think this whole adhd situation would be very similar.

after this confrontation, artemis totally bursts into tears in front of the three of you (15 years of holding things in will really do that to ya), but it’s something so healing for them because they finally feel like the world around them is just a little bit kinder, especially because it’s filled with people who are so dear to them :’)

[ask-elland-n-will]

"Here's a little something, while I prepare to open up my own shop. I'll call it Wolf's Bane, just so you know

Doris Hecat"

Rosey, Doris' personal owl, sets a small package with flowers, healing herbs or oils, carefully packaged Turkish Delight, and a poem about fireworks in the night sky (that she definitely didn't beg Roy to write for her...) close to Elland.

[Buckle up, it's a long one cause I made an Elland/Will drabble instead of just a reply]

Dear Doris, I didn't know you decided to open your own shop, this is great news! I am sure Wolf's Bane will have plenty of customers in no time, I'll tell a few of my friends about it, too. We all study together, after all, I know they would like to support you! I can already see Will bothering you for some soothing lavender.

Elland looked up at what Doris' owl had brought him and gasped. Oh, she didn't have to spoil him so! He popped one of the sweets into his mouth, hummed happily, and passed Rosey some owl treats he had on hand.

"Hey, Will, Doris is opening her own shop soon," he turned to the Slytherin who was sketching something in his notebook. Will hastily covered up the drawing and Elland rolled his eyes: must be another one of Elland's profiles. As if Will didn't know how to draw his face by heart already.

"Oh, is she? Does it have anything to do with plants by any chance?"

Elland nodded. Will flipped the page of his notebook and cleared his throat. "It would be nice to have somebody we know to do business with. Imagine all the fresh lavender I can use for Nosy's soap treats!"

"I said something along those lines, too," Elland laughed. He searched around the study room and levitated a small vase to their table. An Aguamenti later, the flowers stood proudly on the table.

"I don't suppose you'd like to gift those to me?" chirped William, suddenly by his side.

"Oh William, there's not a single flower in the world that can compare to your beauty."

Will blinked at Elland. It didn't take long for his face to turn bright pink. "That's not what I asked!"

"But look at you, blooming like a pretty red rose!"

"Elland!"

The Slytherin didn't have enough huffing in him to express how he felt at those compliments coming from Elland, and Elland just laughed, slapping the table lightly in the middle of a long wheeze.

"You can have them," he finally said when Will made a move to get up from the table. Elland wrapped an arm around his waist to hold him in place in half a hug, feeling the warmth radiating from Will, and it worked like a charm. Will relaxed against him, reluctantly at first, but then he hugged Elland back, not looking at his face.

"You have a letter to finish."

"Shush. Just sit still for a moment," Elland replied and went on to read the poem, knowing full well that Will gets as disarmed by his hugs as Nosy does by his belly rubs.

The handwriting of the poem was a little different from that of Doris, and Elland thought about asking Will to reference his archives. But again, Will felt so soft and snuggly next to him that he decided against it. There will be time. Elland reached for the quill.

The poem you sent me is wonderful, please make sure to pass on my regards to the poet: I appreciate the [a paragraph or two gets dedicated to the way the poem flows, to the imagery evoked by careful choice of words, and the melodic nature of the written piece of art.] Thank you for the herbs and oils, and how did you know I like Turkish Delight? It's hard to find it in quality such as you found; the last time I had something this good was on the actual trip to Turkey for my father's business. I am so glad wizards have a much easier time transporting goods than muggles do.

"Turkish delight? Where?" Will chimed in, clearly having read everything Elland had written. The sweets being closer to Elland, the Hufflepuff reached out to grab one and bring it to hover by Will's face.

"Open up."

"Merlin, Elland, we're in public."

"We are not doing anything indecent, they won't think much of it. It's not like we are dating."

Will made a strange noise in the back of his throat and tensed up. Elland frowned and disengaged from Will a bit to look him in the eyes. Will was nervously smiling for some reason, his face still in red blotches from the blush.

"You'll give people the wrong idea," Will finally said quietly.

"And what of it? You act as if we wouldn't look good together," Elland tried to get a laugh out of Will but ended up hearing more nervous huffing.

Will was always so strange about those topics. One moment he would go into details about his kissing experiences, throw pick-up lines at Elland, or discuss theories he read on, erm, doing other activities. But then when Elland joked back about it, Will turned into a flushing mess. Elland wished he could understand him better. If only Will spoke up about what it all means!

"Well," Will finally said and nodded to the powdered sweet still between Elland's fingers. "Prove me we can dazzle them then."

The air between them suddenly became thicker as Elland hesitantly brought his fingers to Will's slightly parted lips. The Hufflepuff wasn't sure what to make of the look Will was giving him, with half-lidded eyes looking directly into Elland's as the boy leaned in the rest of the way to take the Turkish candy in. Elland felt Will's bottom lip drag along Elland's finger on accident, and Elland had so swallow at how slowly Will pulled away from him, the offering disappearing behind Will's closed lips.

"Now who's a blushing rose, huh?" Will whispered after having taken care of the confection.

"You," Elland didn't miss a heartbeat with that reply. Was he blushin, too? He didn't even realise. Will looked down at Elland's fingers and licked his lips.

"You still have some..."

"Oh."

Elland brought up his fingers to lick off the remaining powder, and he could've sworn that Will made a strangled noise, closing his eyes and covering his mouth.

"Elland."

"Yes?"

"You're a dumbass."

"Wait, what?"

Will disentangled himself from Elland's arm which was still holding him, and sat on the opposite side of the table from him, moving his books and burying himself behind them.

"What did I do!" Elland questioned in desperation, missing the warmth by his side already. There was no reply.

Elland looks at his fingers in frustration. If he didn't like the dessert, he should've said so! Or did Elland not play along well enough? They probably looked very convincing, didn't they? Wasn't that the goal?

With Will in this mood, good luck getting any straight answers out of him for a while. Elland sighed and reached for his quill again to finish writing the letter.

Please, let me know if you need any help with the opening. Anything from welcoming people to playing some music in the background! I think Will won't be opposed to designing some flyers for you either. Consider it our thank you for the flowers and sweets! With appreciation, Elland de Strontium P.S. Oh, be on the lookout for my owl in a couple of days: I'll make sure to send you some sweets that my family orders from the East. Perhaps some of it will be to your liking!

[tiramisuucakeee]

3. THE AMAZING JUNGWON

( sunflower, yang jungwon )

all day, jungwon had been spinning through your thoughts like a spider weaving its web. there was something about him that made it impossible to forget, and you were certain it wasn’t just guilt from his injury yesterday.

during lunch, your eyes met across the cafeteria, and he flashed you a small smile and a wave, only to be playfully nudged by his friend, who teased him. which could mean absolutely nothing, but could it actually?

what if it didn’t mean nothing. what if it was destiny that he had saved you from getting hit at practice. maybe it was the universe’s way of telling you something.

yet, he didn’t actually seem interested in you. giselle and winter were convinced he had feelings, arguing that no one jumps into harm's way for someone they hardly know. those thoughts swirled in your mind, and it was becoming overwhelming.

“damn it,” you muttered, frustrated, as you accidentally hit the 'delete' key instead of 'enter' on your history homework, losing an entire paragraph.

you stared at the meaningless virtual page, reading over the words to remember what you were writing. “and he led them to war to bring honor to his country, yang jungwon bravely- huh?" you stopped yourself, noticing his name in your work.

with a sigh, you clicked the ‘delete’ button on every instance of his name, replacing it with something else. "this can't be happening," you groaned, falling back into your chair.

deciding on getting some fresh air, you stood up, walking over to your window, sliding it open to reveal the cold night air. the dark sky seemed to be covered in freckles of stars, twinkling brightly.

suddenly, a face appeared right in front of you, dangling from the edge of the building.

"ah!" you screamed, stumbling back in shock, only to recognize the familiar grin. "oh my god! don't scare me like that, mr. spider-man!" you laughed, breathless.

he tilted his head to the right, still hanging upside down outside your window. "i didn’t think you were someone who gets scared easily," he remarked, gripping his web tightly while wincing slightly at his ankle, which was healing fast.

“i guess i am when a superhero pops out of nowhere outside my window,” you stood up, dusting your white top and sweatpants off.

he hummed, observing you crossing your arms. “are you going to hang upside down forever or are you going to come in?” you asked.

he nodded, already feeling a bit dizzy, and flipped himself into your room, landing gracefully on his feet. spider-man took a moment to survey your space, this was the first time yang jungwon had been inside a girl's room that wasn’t his aunt’s.

yours was just like how he pictured it, messy bed, lots of perfumes and makeup, pompom’s and cheer jacket handing behind your door, a fluffy mat and cute plushies.

“what? never been inside a girl’s room before?” you laughed at his demeanor, as he observed everything.

“what gave it away?” spider-man replied, stepping dangerously closer, his presence slightly towering over you.

“everything,” you grinned, poking his arm playfully. “you want something to eat? drink?” you offered the hero, who squinted his spider eyes at you. “won’t your parents be mad at you having spider-man over and offering him your food?” he asked.

“if i don’t do it, they’d probably offer you themselves if they weren’t out,” you shot back, noticing the confusion on his masked face. “it’s their anniversary. while some are out celebrating, others are stuck finishing history homework…” you gestured toward your computer, prompting him to lean in for a better look.

“huh, i didn’t know this guy, yang jungwon led people into battle,” spider-man read over your last paragraph, making you widen your eyes at his words. “wait! stop reading! no!” you exclaimed, sprinting to the computer to shut it off while he laughed, casually jumping onto your bed.

“you got a crush on this guy?” he asked, propping himself up on his arms.

you turned to him, feigning annoyance. “no, he’s just someone from school who saved me from getting hit by a football yesterday,” you explained. then, a lightbulb went off in your head. “wait! you work for stark! you should know him! he has an internship with tony!” you lit up, jumping to stand up closer to him, curious.

“what was his name again?” jungwon asked indifferently, hoping not to blow his cover.

“yang jungwon, he’s about this tall,” you stretched your arm abover your head, stopping some inches above your head. “he’s really smart, at least from what i’ve heard.”

“oh yeah, i know the kid,” spider-man recalled. “he’s super nice and handsome, he’s also very smart like you said, always has answers for everything, he’s also really strong and single, just so you know-“

“you seem to know him well,” you told spider-man, who kept rambling about jungwon like there was no tomorrow.

“well, stark thinks he’s great so... if you like him, i say you should go for it,” he shrugged, blushing underneath his mask, not knowing where he got all this confidence from.

“like him? absolutely no, i barely know the guy,” you snorted, motioning for him to follow you out the room. the hero complied, walking behind you to the kitchen of the gigantic l/n penthouse.

“anyway, what are you even doing here?” you asked him, opening the big fridge to take out some chocolate chip cookies and milk, then heading over to the cabinet near and taking out some cups and a plate.

“i came to see how you were doing, you seem well,” said spider-man sitting on a tall chair on the kitchen island.

“you’re really wasting your precious hero time to visit a random girl you saved?” you opened the pack of cookies, placing them in the plate, and started to pour some milk in each glass, sliding one over to him.

he looked at the glass as if it were a ticking bomb. “uh, thanks,” he said, glancing between you and the milk.

spider-man stared at it with fright, until you spoke again. “i can give you a straw if you want, but you will have to pull up your mask just a bit if you wanna eat,” you told him, seeing as if he was afraid to reveal at least a speck of his face.

“no, i’m okay, i’ll just-" he raised a bit of his mask up, revealing his slightly pale skin, and drank some milk, careful to only hold up the mask to his lips. he knew that if he were anyone else, he wouldn’t even do this, but jungwon knew you in person, and he trusted himself around you.

“you really are careful,” you sighed. “if i was spider-man, firstly, my suit would be white, and secondly, i’d tell half the world who i am and let them spread the news to the other half,” you laughed, popping a cookie into your mouth.

“i think you’d be a great spider-woman,” he said, taking a cookie too. something about jungwon is that he absolutely loves girlscout cookies. “apart from the fact that you couldn’t keep your identity a secret, and that your suit would easily get dirty, they would love you.”

“they?”

“the avengers, they would really like you, specially captain america, you talk like him-" he started.

“ugh, don’t even, i have probably seen him more than my own family, my school keeps playing these stupid psa videos,” you groaned.

“oh, those? yeah, they’re pretty annoying. i hate them,” spider-man agreed, rolling his eyes.

“you go to school near then,” you teased.

“what?! how’d you know?! i mean, i’m a grown man- i already graduated college and stuff!” he quickly corrected, a hint of panic in his voice, trying to make it sound deeper.

you laughed, enjoying the playful banter. “sure, whatever helps you sleep at night, mr. spider-man.”

TAGS: @jiiyen

EXTRA:

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[pentsandlilies]

magoria's book list

would recommend

Magic for the Resistance: Rituals and Spells for Change by Michael M. Hughes — I loved hearing about political magic from the perspective of someone who was successful in that field. There were some great ideas for spells that I will be incorporating into my daily practice. It was interesting but not overwhelming to hear his UPG. There is some, but you can easily work around it; he's very clear about what some people believe in. It helped remind me what we can do when we band together, so it's a great read.

Magickal Servitors: Create Your Own Spirits to Attract Pleasure, Power and Prosperity by Damon Brand — I think this is a great look into servitors if you're interested in chaos magic. It's free, available on Archive, and super short, yet also very informative. It includes basically anything you'd need to immediately make a servitor.

Of Blood and Bones: Working with Shadow Magick & the Dark Moon by Kate Freuler — I enjoyed every part of this book! I don't normally work with death magic or animal remains, but I'll definitely go back to this book if I want to try out some of the more nitty gritty parts of the craft. All of the spells were unique and helpful, and this book alone convinced me to try out blood magic for a change. Perfect for an intermediate witch that at least wants to see what options exist, even if you won't work with them.

you can read if you want

Advanced Magick for Beginners by Alan Chapman — This was the first book I read about chaos magic, and I think it's super easy to understand the theory that goes around it. While I may not agree with everything, and some of the ideas are a little outdated (when was the last time you masturbated to charge a sigil?) I felt that overall, it was a great look into the basis of chaos magic and how important intent really is when paired with action.

Consorting with Spirits: Your Guide to Working with Invisible Allies by Jason Miller — I liked the base ideas of how to work with spirits, what your relationship with them should be like, and ideas of the astral plane, but there's a lot of UPG I can't relate to at all. A lot of the spells are very ceremonial and invoke deities I don't know of. It's a good read as an intro to spirit work, but take a lot of the ideas and spells given with a grain of salt if you'd like.

The Modern Guide to Witchcraft: Your Complete Guide to Witches, Covens, and Spells by Skye Alexander — I thought that it was fine for if you've never heard of a grimoire before, but it only really touched on the very baseline ideas. I would only recommend this video to a very beginner witch; everyone else would find little gain from reading it.

Utterly Wicked: Curses, Hexes & Other Unsavory Notions by Dorothy Morrison — I preferred Of Blood and Bones, but I thought that this is also a helpful addition to the list. It was too beginner-oriented for me, and I found some of the spells to be too focused and the book organization to be a little messy, but none of this was much of a problem as I was reading. Added a few new hexes to my collection from this!

would not recommend

1001 Spells: The Complete Book of Spells for Every Purpose by Cassandra Eason — Maybe I'm picky with my spells, but I absolutely did not like the spellwork in this one. The phrasing of spells as "healing illness" or "guaranteeing a win when gambling" made me uncomfortable. Most of the spells in this book are 1 or 2 ingredients and a not so great incantation, claiming to be able to do something very important. A lot of the spells were hyperspecific and couldn't apply to me at all.

Psychic Witch: A Metaphysical Guide to Meditation, Magick & Manifestation by Mat Auryn — I know this is an unpopular opinion, so feel free to not listen to me. For me, reading this book as a beginner witch was not the best experience. I was sucked in to some new, convincing energy work and theory I'd never heard of, and then got hit with 7 paragraphs of pure UPG. I think it's mainly because I don't really believe in / work with brainwaves, chakras, and the fifth element, among many others referenced. It was hard for me to figure out what it is I should take away from the book, and many chapters I skipped all together.

to read (or rereading)

The Practical Psychic Self Defense Handbook: A Survival Guide by Robert Bruce

By Rust of Nail & Prick of Thorn: The Theory & Practice of Effective Home Warding by Althaea Sebastiani

Condensed Chaos: An Introduction to Chaos Magic by Phil Hine

Advanced Magick for Beginners by Alan Chapman

Protection & Reversal Magick: A Witch's Defense Manual by Jason Miller

[styrmwb]

I beat Rift of the Necrodancer

my fingers are sore but my ears are thriving

I love rhythm games. I love em a whole lot. I'm not the best at em, but I'm pretty good. So when I see a friend of mine playing one that has a really nice art style and has monsters? I'm interested For Sure. (then said friend gifts the game to me cause I'm poor and they are a wonderful, Wonderful person).

Rift of the Necrodancer is more of a Guitar Hero like rhythm game; my experience mainly lies in things like Theatrhythm or Taiko, so it's a bit of a learning curve (the last time I played Guitar Hero was with Warriors of Rock during the PS3 days). I also haven't played the original Crypt of the Necrodancer, nor was I SUPER familiar with it? So this was a pretty new experience for me. Let me share my thoughts, as I do.

Gameplay (of the Necrodancer)

Very unique. Like I said, it's SUPER Guitar Hero like; but instead of notes, it's monsters that all have different patterns (the activatable point increase still exists). They took their dungeon crawler and turned it into a traditional rhythm game, and I think they absolutely succeeded with that. Food items to heal your health, traps to adjust enemy behavior, it absolutely feels like that transition was clean.

I do have a couple problems with it though. Now, before I go into this; I did actually beat this game a couple weeks ago, but I know how rhythm games go. You HAVE to grind them, get used to the mechanics, and get slowly and slowly better. Hell, I know from writing this post I am going to improve. But at my current point, I feel like the two biggest problems with the game are the 3 lanes, and the visual overload.... which I guess could be combined into one general idea of "overcompression".

With only 3 lanes, especially on the higher difficulties, there's A LOT of enemies, and with the angle you're given, as well as the beat indicators being a shadow, it's really hard to tell who is where, what the patterns are, and also to execute it properly. I only got 3 fangors they can't dance that well. HOWEVER. I do recognize there are fixes to these problems. You can adjust controls. I personally have been trying my best to use two hands, but it's hard to learn. I also think this would benefit from something like a fightstick, unironically?

When it comes to not really being able to figure out what's what, I would say this drawback is one side of a coin, the other side being something I applaud the game for. The trick is to learn the music. I know that feels obvious, like what rhythm game has you NOT learn the music? But like... I feel like the notes are very well linked to the track itself, so once I figure out the melodies, I can rely on my ears, rather than my eyes (I still need my eyes). Something about this game feels like it very much rewards you for feeling the beat and the groove with super fun combos. Although, at least in my personal experience, sometimes things like traps or the stranger enemy movements can still really get in the way of this and create more overload for my fingers and eyes. I acknowledge that's a skill issue though. (I'm reading this paragraph back and I think it's obvious how limited my rhythm game experience is)

There's 2 other bits of gameplay unlocked in the story mode. Minigames and boss battles. I love the minigames so much, they feel just like Rhythm Heaven, which is one of my favorites. The boss battles are a wonderful mix of Punch-Out and Osu, which is amazing, something I would have never thought of but it works really well. Both of these also have hard modes which is awesome; the minigames work really well, but I still to this day do not comprehend the hard boss battles.

One last thing I wanna talk about that I love is the custom music. GIves a bunch of replayability to the game, which is so essential for a rhythm game. I made my own track (self-promotion); while the editor felt kinda clunky at first (It's a holdover from the last editor from what I've heard so I get it), I got the hang of it quickly. That's something I never thought I'd enjoy doing, but honestly I might make more.

Story (of the Necrodancer)

This is actually the only section I wrote right after beating the game, so like being pulled out of a rift, it might feel really out of place! (I mainly wanted to do this cause the story would be fresh out of my brain and I know I'm about to go into rhythm hell)

It's fine. It's a vessel to have you play the songs, use the characters in cute ways, and introduce the minigames/boss fight mechanics. It's nothing special, and honestly personally I didn't really understand the "being controlled by the rift" bit, and the villains felt... kinda nothing? But I acknowledge I could just be dumb there. I also think that the NecroDancer being presented as a fry cook but then actually being the big bad was a Bit of a cop out? It felt like it was leading to a new force and "no never mind it's him again". That's me being awfully negative, though. I liked the character interactions, I liked the isekai setting; I think Suzu's arc was the absolute best part of the whole thing, it felt the most solid and like she had a genuine motivation there. Honestly? If they ended it with that and not with "The NecroDancer did it" I'd probably feel a lot better about it. But again! This isn't the focus of the game. It's not the same sin as if like, an RPG did it. We're here for the songs and those do not disappoint.

Speaking of!

Music (of the Necrodancer)

Dude. This soundtrack FUCKS. Granted, you really can't have a rhythm game worth playing if you don't have a good soundtrack, but that doesn't take away the fact that it's a banger. A wonderful mix of lo-fi songs, heavy metal, techno, funk, and other genres I'm sure I'm missing, it's got a wide variety that also manages to feel nice and unified.

I ended up making a little tier list of songs for my friends that have been playing this alongside me, so I think something like this is a perfect thing for me to slot in.

This tier list is lucky it only had the main songs because Unglamorous J.O.B. tops everything

What's really cool about this soundtrack is seeing names I recognize. I've been following FamilyJules and Alex Moukala for a while, so it was awesome to see them in this. Definitely listen to it if you have the chance.

Art (of the Necrodancer)

Short bit, but I LOOOOOOOOOVE the way this game looks. I love the vibrancy, the simple coloring/shading, the outlining. I subscribe to the theory that every artist must have two styles: big and small. This game has the big "serious" portraits for most of it, but then in the minigames you get the characters looking small and silly and dumb (in a good way), and it brings a lot of joy to my face.

Also, love the character design. Modern Cadence is fucking peak.

Final Fugue (of the Necrodancer)

I feel like my post might give a sense that the game was a bit of a mixed bag, but I did really enjoy it. I'm still not great with writing about indie games (crazy that that's all I've played so far this year who am I) cause there's simply not as much as a full AAA RPG, but it's been nice. I'm gonna keep grinding this game, and hopefully be able to start taking on hard rifts.

8.5/10. Creative concept with amazing soundtrack, but with a skill floor MUCH higher than I'm used to.

[talxe]

Reading the Iliad, Book 15 thoughts

This is my first time ever reading it and I know next to nothing abt greek mythology so if I interpret anything wrong by all means pls correct me

Im reading the Robert Fagles translation

Zeus wakes up and sees Poseidon leading the Achaean charge, and Hector still trying not to die from the rock Ajax (greater) threw at him and Zeus is PISSED

I feel really bad for Hera bc Zeus is shitty to her and there is nothing she or anyone when he decides to get physical in his anger

He's so angry that the first part of a large ass paragraph is just him reminding her of that one time he strung her up in the air by an unbreakable golden chain and tied anvils to her feet while no one could help her

Like wtf

Hera swears that the Poseidon thing was not her doing

Homer goes thru the whole Patroclus dying and then Hector dying thing again but I'm sure none of that will be important in the next book

But until then Zeus says he must keep his deal with Thetis.

"Nor will I permit a single immortal god to save the Argive forces, not till Achilles' prayer has been fulfilled." This name really jumps out to me because Achilles' prayer cannot truly be completed until Patroclus dies. He prayed for the death of Patroclus in a way.

Ig no one told Ares that his son fucking died until Hera just blurts it out and not even in a convo with Ares himself. 😭

Ares stands up to go enact his wrath on the Argives or something but Athena snatches the spear from his hand while she yells at him. He sits down again

Zeus sends Iris to tell Poseidon that he said to knock that shit off

Poseidon says no

Super bold of him but okay

Iris “Bro are you sure you want me to tell Zeus u said that?” Poseidon says yes

But then he leaves anyway

Apollo is charged with making sure Hector is alright so that he and the Trojans can push the Greeks back

Hector thinks he’s dying because that rock had some power behind it ig

Apollo heals him and boom Hector is in the game again

“I thought we killed you??” - The Greek army

The Greeks are getting slaughtered and they’re getting super fucking scared and start running

The Trojans start bounding toward the Greek ships

Lmao and the Argives decide that now is the time to pray

Nestor screams his prayer at Zeus who hears him and sends down a clap of thunder? Letting them know they aren’t COMPLETELY ass out

Cut to Patroclus who is still sitting with the man whose leg he healed

Reminding me that the last 3 damn books have all taken place on the same day💀

Patroclus hears the commotion and runs off to try and convince Achilles to fight

By this time the Trojans physically make it onto the ships

Anyway, the Trojans manage to get onto the ships which I imagine is not ideal for the Greeks

Tuecer shoots an arrow at Hector but it does fuck all to him. Ajax (greater) tells him to put down his shitty little arrows and pick up a fucking spear if the bow isn't doing anything💀

Antilochus sees Hector going wild and just turns tail and runs lmao

Nestor starts stressing tf out and he's like guys "Please remember why we're here", he even drops to his knees

Both armies clash again

Ajax (greater) hangs back protecting the ships

[railingsofsorrow]

could you do Kiara carrera x male reader, in which the reader is jonh b's older brother

Begin Again

[kiara carrera x reader]

summary: “Got some nice waves?” You sat down on the sand, looking at her briefly before quickly looking away. You were scared she would tell you to fuck off. But you deserved it. “Not as nice as yesterday.” When she spoke, you could swear angels were singing in your ears for the first time. God must be real because you had prayed to hear her voice so close to you again and it finally happened. “Waves are harsh today.” “I'm sure you could take the challenge.” “I'm done with challenges.”

pairing: kiara carrera x male!reader; jj maybank x kiara carrera (not endgame!)

warnings/content: mentions of missing parents, dead bodies, basically mentions briefly obx s1 and s2 plots; discusses break-up; longing (like a lot); this is mainly about healing, the idea of taking a break from something and coming back; jiara mention (they are not endgame in this!! bear with me); this is also about friendships!!: tw!luke maybank (mentioned); paragraphs in italics are flashbacks.

w.c: 3.7K

A/N: this was a rollercoaster because I started writing and I didn't stop? like it just happened. this is very loosely inspired by begin again. I got carried away I'm sorry it took long! here it is. good reading <3 sorry for any typos!

navi

masterpost

obx masterlist

request me something!

[part of the taylor swift anthology]

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

❝I've been spending the last eight months

Thinking all love ever does

Is break and burn, and end.❞

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“This is honestly so stupid.”

“There it is. The sentence you reserve for me only. I was missing it, man. Truly.”

The older boy shoved his little brother's face away playfully, a hint of a smile on his lips but he would never admit it out loud that he too missed his brother over the course of six months he spent away from the Outer Banks. 

There's come a point where change is inevitable and you understood that the moment your dad, Big John Routledge, went missing a few years back. He wasn't dead, alright? Missing. Just missing. Which was what you repeatedly told you and your brother so you wouldn't lose it completely. 

From that moment forward, everything went downhill. Or not. It depends on a lot of perspectives. You know, before, when you and your stupid friends couldn't catch a break and there were gunshots and threats and rich Kooks being revealed as murderers. . . Things seemed to be the worst of the world. The prospect of getting buried in all those revelations that you never thought would come to light just seemed to be the only option for you. Back then, right. 

All because of that stupid gold. 

It's odd how something can bring joy and despair and happiness all at once. 

You're the responsible one in the Routledge family. Always pulling your brother out of bed to go to school, making sure the bills were being paid and that he stayed out of trouble. That last part, you never succeeded on, but at least you tried. Oh, that you did. 

You would do it all over again. For your dad. For John B. For the Pogues. But you needed your distance, your peace, at some point. When hell ended. When the gold was found and you saw the big satisfied grins in your friend's and brother's faces, you finally knew you could get out of that fucking island where it felt as if you were constantly suffocating. 

Upon stepping back into the land that brought you agony and joy, as soon as you smelled the air, you knew home was just a few minutes away in the form of stupid jokes and cold beer. 

When you reached Poguelandia — stupid ass name but they never cared for your opinion on these things anyway — expecting to meet with your little brother's coffee brown eyes, instead you were met with the kind of warmth that only her eyes could bring you, the one that drew you in mystery and deceived you into stepping into a trap. You fell into it once. Then you ran off because a boy scared of love like you shouldn't be around a girl that wanted to conquer the world and make it a better place. 

I'll come back every month. I'll never stop visiting. You said in the past. John B once told you how you were shitty with keeping promises when they weren't made for him. And that promise hadn't been made for him, you said it to the girl you swore you'd never let go. But as soon as the opportunity came, you did exactly that. 

And no, you didn't come back every month. You needed distance. You needed peace. Kiara couldn't take the burden to provide you that, despite her presence diminishing that hole in your chest after everything that happened. Your dad. The gold. Your brother dying and coming back to life. Getting stranded on an island.

So, as soon as the acceptance letter came and you were sure your brother would be safe, you took the chance. You got out. You didn't know if leaving was harder than staying but it sure felt like your chest was being ripped off when you said goodbye to the island you've lived your entire life in. 

I'll come back, don't fucking pull anything stupid, John. You had told your little brother. Warned most likely. Because if he did pull anything like another gold hunt, you'd come back just to pinch his ear. We'll keep in touch. And you did. To your brother. Pope as well, occasionally, you were best friends but the boy understood you needed some time on your own. 

Coming back to Outer Banks did felt like home but also as if a cold bucket filled with ice throwing at you all your regrets was being dumped on your head. You just didn't have time to process that you were seeing her again when JJ Maybank whistled loudly and walked past the girl to envelope you in a brotherly hug. 

Your brother and the rest of your friends soon showed up and you were pulled inside to sit around their living room to talk. It lasted hours. The sun was setting when you had a sip of your last beer while you watched with a lazy smile as your friends bickered about something. You missed that. 

Kiara was still as beautiful as the day you left her. Her hair had lighter strands, you wondered if someone helped her dye it like you did on a drunk afternoon or if she now went to a hair salon to do these stuff. She hasn't looked at you yet and you respected that. 

But you couldn't stop looking at her.

Pope informed you through the phone one day, something that made your breath catch in your throat. But what did you expect her to wait for you? No. She's allowed to live. Nobody should wait for anyone. It just wasn't fair. 

“Look, I don't know if John B told you but. . .” by the way he hesitated you thought something bad happened and you were already thinking about buying a ticket first thing. But your fingers hovered over your laptop when he finally spit it out. “JJ and Kiara. They're together.” 

“That's great. I'm happy for them”

That conversation echoed in your head as you studied the two of them while your ears were paying attention to Sarah's voice about. . . Something. It wasn't important.

JJ had always been like a brother to you. Your dad let him crash at the Chateau — rest in peace, your old home  — every time Luke Maybank acted like the piece of shit he was and stained the blond boy's skin with purple bruises that would last more than a week. You could never resent him for being with Kiara. He wasn't stealing her because first of all, she wasn't a prize to claim and secondly, who wouldn't fall for Kiara Carrera? 

She was made of magic. Or she had created magic. You didn't know. She was something powerful that couldn't be explained by science or anything else in the books.

You cared for both of them still. But you weren't made out of concrete, alright? These years had not diminished your feelings for her and you didn't think that could ever happened. Sometimes it could be a curse and sometimes it could be a blessing. 

You just hated feeling like that because it felt like control slipped from your fingers and when did that ever happen to you? You. The one people turned to when they needed advice. When they were in trouble. You. Who knew exactly how to proceed in any given situation. You. Who loved a girl whom you left in the cursed island and swam away before you could suffocate in the blood-stained waters any further. 

“How's university life's been treatin' ya.” 

Your neck snapped as you turned to look at the boy that used his cap backwards. You always told him it made him look like a douchebag. He'd ruffle your hair in response. 

JJ didn't change much, but he did have a new look in his eyes. Maybe he was actually living now and not just surviving. You were glad his father was long long gone.

The two of you were never much for deeper conversations. JJ was a closed off person and John B was his best friend, not you, so you were sure they talked about that stuff within themselves. You never thought in the months you've been gone that this would change too. Because here was JJ Maybank, resting his elbows on the railing and staring at the horizon as his azure eyes turned sea green in the sunlight, attempting a conversation with you that was more than offering a joint.

“It's fun.” You shrugged, setting the beer bottle down to mimic his position. 

“What you always wanted?”

The answer used to be yes without a doubt. 

“Yeah,” you said, eyes trailing down the grass and up the sky again. “What I always wanted.”

“You're missed here.” 

You turned to look at him, a brow raised in questioning that got JJ to laugh, exposing his crooked teeth for a second.

“I mean. We all miss you, sure. You know that.”

“I do. . .”

“She missed you like hell though.” The sentence hits you like a car crash, you barely have time to get back on your feet before he carries on, without looking at you but eyes trailed forward. “It's not my place to judge. I would've left too, probably. I know why you did it.”

“Spit it out, JJ.” You were out of patience. You felt cornered, like you've been punched and all air left your lungs. Suffocating. Fear of facing the truth. The mess you've created. 

But when did you ever created messes instead of fixing them? 

“It wasn't fair and you know it.” 

Pressing your lips into a thin line, you shifted, shoes grazing against the wood. 

Suddenly everyone knew what happened between you and Kiara. Except that it wasn't sudden. Everyone just knew before it even happened. It was in both of your lingering gazes and in the timid smiles. Right there.

“And it would've been fair to me if I had stayed?” You asked him, ready to defend yourself even though you didn't really have. to. That was JJ you were talking to. He wasn't looking for a fight to defend his girlfriends' honor. “I know it wasn't fair. I just— I tried to do what was necessary to not hurt her. To—to not make it worse.”

JJ let out a chuckle. “Man, that backfired.”

“I know.” You quipped, bitterly. You hated yourself for it. 

“Like I said. Not my place to judge—”

“It kind of is.” 

“but don't go on breaking her heart again, alright? Just. . . Try not to?” The blond grimaced, scratching the back of his neck. He didn't know how to do serious speeches. He just wanted to make his point clear. “Look. All I'm saying is that I know you care about her and she cares about you. It adds up, just make it happen. You guys will figure it out somehow.”

What.

“What?” You were sure you got a whiplash. “What are you talking about?”

JJ offered him a tired sigh. “We all know you and Kie had something—”

“Aren't you dating her?”

He received a look as if he had two heads. 

“What? No.” JJ scrunched his nose and shook his head. “No. She's one of my best friends. That doesn't even—”

“But Pope told me—”

A loud groan.

“Okay, yeah that was. . .” JJ looked down at his boots before knocking an invisible rock. “Like I said, she's one of my best friends. It didn't work out.” JJ then looked at him. “It wasn't serious, man. We both agreed it meant nothing.”

Oh. 

So that means. . .

“So don't be a pussy.” You winced at the playful punch on his shoulder. “Talk to Kie, yeah? She deserves at least that.”

━━━━━━━━━

No matter how good it felt to leave Outer Banks, you still admitted it would always have the best sunset in the whole world. No comparison was worth it. 

No other place displayed the warm glow of the sun being covered up by the fog that mixed purple and indigo together. Watching the sunset at the beach was your favorite activity of the day. Yours and Kiara's. 

You found her in the sand, bikini wet from surfing and her legs thrown out in front of her as she basked on the last glow of the sun of the day.

Nostalgia gripped you tight and almost made you stumble back.

“We should get a dog.”

Kiara said it as a joke because they would never be able to properly care for a pet in their current situation. John B and Sarah stuck in Nassau and they were gathering evidence to clear his name. 

You were practically yanked out of the house by Kiara. She had warned you about the dangers of self isolation but you never really noticed when you did it. Your mind too busy with getting your brother back home.

“Yeah. And name it turtle.” You indulged in your girl's idea, laying your head on her stomach after she adjusted her body on the sand. It became familiar how she'd run her fingers through your hair after a good surfing afternoon. 

“Over my dead body.” She gently tugged on your baby hairs, too distracted by the sunset to scold him for the awful name. “I could live here forever."

You pressed your lips against her wrist, biting her skin softly and earning a smile. 

“I'm gonna take you away someday. Show you the entire world.” You promised, looking into her eyes. “You deserve more than this island.”

“I'm happy here. With you.” Kiara whispered before kissing his forehead and leaning back. “But I wouldn't mind traveling the world.”

“It's settled then.”

Your feet began walking towards your lost lover before you could register. 

“Got some nice waves?” You sat down on the sand, looking at her briefly before quickly looking away. You were scared she would tell you to fuck off. But you deserved it.

“Not as nice as yesterday.” When she spoke, you could swear angels were singing in your ears for the first time. God must be real because you had prayed to hear her voice so close to you again and it finally happened. “Waves are harsh today.”

“I'm sure you could take the challenge.”

“I'm done with challenges.”

You swallowed hard, burying your toes deeper into the wet sand.

“Why are you back?” Kiara hadn't said your name since six months ago, when you hugged her for the last time and her voice cracked in your ear, tears staining your shirt. “Got bored of the university too?”

“Kie, I never got bored of you.”

She rolled her eyes with a scoff. A strand of her curly hair fell off her shoulder, dripping down. 

“I'm sorry.”

“It's not that easy.”

“I know and I don't expect you to forgive me.” You were quick to say, wanting to shift closer to just touch her but you held back. “I was an idiot for leaving. I never meant to hurt you, that was never my intention, you gotta believe me on this, okay? Kie, I—”

“Don't.” Her eyes were pressed shut so hard she was seeing stars. “Don't say it. I believed it the last time and look how it turned out.”

You clipped your mouth shut, desperately wanting to disagree with her because you leaving did not meant you didn't love her. That never changed and it never would.

“You were an idiot for leaving but I didn't hate you for it.” Kiara played with her bracelets. He observed she still wore the one he gifted her on her sixteenth birthday. Kiara loved matching bracelets and although you sucked at handmade gifts, you made two bracelets, one for you and one for her. “I hated you for not coming back and you promised you would.”

“I know.”

“Why didn't you?” 

You've had a lot of arguments with your brother because you have a perfect answer at the tip of your tongue at all times. Sarcastic little shit, he says. 

The truth? You wanted to run away. The distance you needed was from the disturbing memories that included near-death situations and dead bodies. Not from Kiara. Being away from her killed a part of you inside and you wanted that part back. You couldn't function well without it. 

“I was scared.” You admitted, a hint of shame in your tone. “I was scared this island would swallow me up as soon as I stepped back here. I was scared I was gonna lose more than I already had.”

“I would never let you drown—”

“It is not your burden to carry, Kie. It never was.” You shook your head, interrupting her. “I. . . I regret leaving you. I broke my promise and it's been hell living with it because I miss you all the damn time.” 

Your breath caught in your throat and she turned to look at you. That skeptical gaze in her eyes whenever she was seeking bullshit in anyone's speech. 

“And I still love you.”

“Dude, I told you not to say it!”

That earned a laugh from you when you tried to cover it up but it was useless, she was already glaring heavily at you. How weird it was that it brought you a sense of satisfaction? You loved her laugh. You loved her glare. You loved her everything. 

“That doesn't change anything. It doesn't erase that you took off—”

“I'm well aware—”

Kiara pointed a finger at you. “I wasn't finished.” So you clipped your mouth shut, why wouldn't you? “That doesn't erase those months. It doesn't.” Then the frown between her brows softened to something a little more vulnerable. A little more I-don't-hate-you-so-much. “But I'm willing to... Think about it. Forgiving you, I mean.”

Your heart leaped in your chest and you tried playing it cool, you really did. But you just weren't able to hold back the happiest grin splitting your mouth open.

“That's all I'll ask of you.”

“Yeah.”

You bit your cheek, drawing in the sand with your index absentmindedly. 

“So do you still like... Love me or...”

“You're pushing it.”

You chuckled, offering her a sideways glance. “I'm messing with you. This is a peace offering, alright? I'm not gonna expect anything. I just... I just want you in my life.” And you decided to add, for good measure, because it was the truth. “I'm not leaving again, Kie.”

Her dark chocolate brown eyes trailed across your face, a strand of her hair fell from behind her ear and she pushed it back. It would fall again in a second. 

“You're not going back to university?”

“I'm transferring.” You clarified. “Closer.” 

“Oh.” 

She was surprised. So were you when you made the decision a month ago. John B had been the first and only person you told. Now, Kiara knew it too. She had been the main reason for your decision. The girl retrieved the feeling of home you had lost before you left Outer Banks. Home was home because of people. It had stopped being home because of that as well. But now, after your so-requested distance — it had been necessary — you acknowledge that the people that were still here brought light to your grey world even though you had lost some along the way. 

Kiara Carrera could very much be a star in the sky. The whole sun, really. She was the color you wanted to paint your life with again after so many months spent colorless. If you could have a fraction of her brightness close by, you didn't care for anything else.

You missed sunsets on the beach, date nights to the movie theater and random road trips to see a smile in your girl's angelic features. 

“Good for you.” Kiara mumbled, placing her arms above her knees to look directly at the waves. 

Your lips stretched into a soft smile. 

“Yeah, good for me.”

Your friends were like surprise birthday parties not always welcomed. They'd appear unannounced in the most unpredictable moments. 

You cursed your entire family line when John B's sweaty arms wrapped around your shoulders, the rest of the loud group not far behind. The moment between you and Kie coming to an end.

“How are you two doing? Up for a little bonfire tonight? A little gettin' drunk?”

When your eyes met Pope's, you both shared eye rolls. 

“I'll never look at you and see past a five year old, John.” 

“And I'll never look at you and see past your annoying sarcasm, big bro.”

Kiara laughed and you heard heaven's doors opening. “He got you there.” She shared a glance with you and turned away to Sarah and Cleo. 

You were too focused on her to listen to the boy's plans for the bonfire. Which was always the same process.

Stepping back into a cursed land could also be a step to begin again and that couldn't be bad, could it? Not when it meant sun-warmed skin, salt air and coconut sunscreen took you home more than anything or any place ever could. Not when Kiara Carrera drifted her eyes to you and you were sure you would never drown in the bloody waves of Outer Banks again.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

❝. . .But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again.❞

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[snowbellewells]

Happy Birthday Kaitlyn @spartanguard!!!

Here’s hoping I have labeled my calendar correctly, and I’m not too late in wishing you an extra special birthday and wonderful year ahead!! 🎉🧁🎉

For your birthday, I would have loved to have written you something amazing, but it just didn't happen. However, I wanted to do something to wish you a great day and to say thank you for all the smiles and wonderful entertainment you've shared over the years in this fandom. So, here is a TOP 10 LIST (which was hard to narrow down - in all seriousness, I had a list of nearly 30 when I started!!!) They aren’t in any particular order, other than my VERY FAVORITE FIC of yours being first. (I bet you can almost guess which one is first, before even seeing it 😉) Anyway, enjoy this little trip down memory lane. I’m so glad you’ve shared all your brilliance with us, and that I’ve gotten to know you a bit along the way! Happy Birthday!! 🎈 🥳

"A Charm of Powerful Trouble"

(My very favorite of all your wonderful stories!! Killian is turned into a wolf by a Jekyll potion and an irresponsible Dr. Whale, Belle gets to be a wonderful friend and important part of the hero crew, Emma loves him just as much as ever - man or wolf. It's just SENSATIONAl!!)

"Something in the Water"

An MC written for the inaugural @cssns event, and still stamped on my memory years later…

"Pushing Buttons"

Adorably sweet and endearing neighbors modern au one shot 🩷

"Sons of Love and Death"

Another @cssns MC, this one using hints of Dorian Grey, and the idea of a second Killian out there to wonderful effect…

"Most Wanted"

This one has a nod to westerns (or at least JJ Sneed), an irresistible young Alice, lovely Captain Book friendship, and an intriguing fairy tale type legend fulfilled in one Emma Swan…

"unending adventure" and "to the end of the line"

These are connected one shots that I counted together, because I don’t think you would read one and not want to read the other as well. Bittersweet, touching, and ultimately beautiful 💖💖💖

"Lesson Learned"

This one shot never fails to make me smile -even laugh out loud- This one uses the wonderful “bromance” bond of Captain Charming to perfection, and the pirate and prince learn not to mess around with spells they don’t know how to handle.

"Sick of Love"

This 3-parter was from the second @cssns event, back in 2019 - the angst and the long and the happy ending - WONDERFUL!!

"you ain't gonna be lonesome anymore"

This one is inspired by Dolly Parton's "Joshua" (what's not to love about the inimitable Dolly as inspiration?!?) A features an Emma who's newly arrived in Storybrooke reaching out to the hermit who stays apart in his cabin in the woods, to find they are both just lost souls in need of home. Simply Lovely!

"warm"

This little one shot, maybe even a drabble?, is so beautiful and just completely warms your heart. By the time you reach the last line, it's like it has wrapped you in a healing hug. I'm still amazed by how much Kaitlyn managed to convey with this one in only a few well chosen paragraphs.

Okay, so that's the list - though it could have been twice this long EASILY! I truly do hope your day is wonderful @spartanguard!! Very glad to know you, even over the internet miles!!

[yoshinoritoshi]

Good job in today’s match! Pls pls pls write something for Victor. Anything you want, go wild.

...what happened to y'all down in that basement man? First rescue goes bad, then the second two, meanwhile I'm over at shack just standing there like... Should I risk it all? Attempt to save even though I'm LG and not good at her? Sorry for abandoning you three down there...

Anyways, Victor huh? I did promise... So let me go off a little on him! SFW.

I think he's actually super cute, I know many people HC him as completely mute, but I think he's more of a selective mute- meaning he can speak, he just chooses not to most times. Which is even more adorable... He saves his words for when he thinks they're needed most, which is usually when you're both alone and he can quickly whisper how much he loves you.

Talking in front of other people makes him nervous, but get that man in front of a paper and pen and he's going to write paragraph after paragraph after paragraph of all his feelings and desires and hopes and dreams. Then he'll let Wick deliver it to you (when you're still in separate rooms) and become so flushed at just the idea of you reading it that he has to curl up in a ball on his bed for the rest of the night.

So very easy to fluster- he can fluster himself too, so it's like the entire world is out to make him embarrass himself... Like the time he didn't realize your mic was still active and the entire team heard him say "Let's shower together...". He doesn't live it down for weeks and anytime anyone tries to tease him about it, he just ducks his head down against the nearest object to try to hide himself away. This has led to you finding him crouched in dark corner many times, with him pouting because he can't deny that he said it... Or else he'd be lying... And he can't lie about his love for you...

They can also say what they want about him, but he's earnest and devoted, he doesn't care if you're the first person downed or if you get downed as detention starts, he's going for that rescue and he's going to protect you till you both make it to gate... Or lead the hunter away so you can escape and get healed. Sometimes he even takes your early game kites from you on purpose, so you can go and decode. Not to mention all the times he purposefully takes hits for you so you can get out. Doesn't matter if he's on his last chair or not, he'll get downed before he lets you lose. (Because a win to him is any match where you get out!)

All in all, I love Victor so much I love playing as him and I definitely do not feel insane attractive to the clicking her does with his tongue whenever he sends a letter off with Wick. Did you know he does that? I need to record it sometime because it's so sexy I feel like I need to start wearing a dog collar so he can call ME like that. I never see anyone talking about the clicking... God... I'm drooling just thinking about it...

[baelpenrose]

Project Praetorian 36: Pretense of Normal

Kids have to deal with online school, because being government lab rats and super soldiers isn't hell enough - and they are still recovering from a battle! TW for Jonathan's internalized ableism, including use of the R-slur, because I've spent the last two years teaching and kids absolutely still use it, ESPECIALLY when they feel stupid. Oh also you get no points for guessing that Stricken was the one who came up with the fake cover names for the kids whose deaths were faked.

Beta-read, as always, by @canyouhearthelight, who did a huge amount of work in Shiloh's section. Honestly, there was a whole argument that went into the second paragraph of this chapter about caffiene dosing, of all things... Oh, also, yes, this chapter has an abundance of the "thing you read/learn about in school is relevant to your life in a bad way," trope because I'm a sucker for it.

Shiloh

Watching the video with these godawful auto-generated subtitles was always annoying - worse yet because Shiloh was already overstimulated, and was still trying to recover from the battle. Curtis had mentioned it was normal to fully crash a day or two after extended combat, especially for a rookie fighter, but it was making everything in their brain feel like a deep fog.

After the long debriefs with the full team, and higher ups looking over their combat performance, that same brain fog and their fall-off in healing capacity towards the end of the engagement had their loadout being adjusted. Not only were they now carrying conventional medic gear to augment what they could do, with spray on skin and antiseptics for mild burns, chest seals, and other gear to save their powers for when it was really needed, they were now going to be carrying a bunch of First Strike Ration bars which came with an insane caloric density and were fortified with 200mg of pure caffeine concentrate a pop. That, plus microdoses of adrenaline for if they started really fading…They could push much much harder. They wouldn’t be staggering around and falling down helpless. 

They realized they’d zoned out of another important part of the video they were trying to watch - motherfucker WHY DID THIS NOT HAVE A TRANSCRIPT - and rewound again, then realized that the subtitles were so bad that it was almost pointless anyway. Gripping their thigh and squeezing, then drumming their fingers on the desk, Shiloh paused the video and took a breath. 

Then they started googling the topic with places that weren’t FUCKING video based, figuring that they were going to have to figure it out themselves. They knew they weren’t stupid, and they could at least pull off and get the information well enough from other sources, even if it wasn’t as complete as it otherwise might have been. Still, it was annoying to struggle…

They had been staring at the screen where they’d pulled up the article for a while. Come on, focu…they drummed their hand on the desk to get something going, trying to focus on reading about expansion of changing states of matter. It was hard to believe this was relevant to their life given that they were….

Then it abruptly hit them that this was very much relevant to their life and they stood up and stepped away from the desk. No, they didn’t need to understand the physics behind that. They wanted to learn how bodies worked so they could fix it, in case it happened to one of the people they cared about. They tried to force themselves to focus again, but it was…the sudden spike of adrenaline from thinking about the bodies they’d had to try to fuse back together, the exhaustion that was finally hitting…

Leon was finally walking over, signing gently. “Shiloh? You okay?” 

Shiloh shook their head. “Subtitles aren’t working right, and trying to read it from the textbook helped but it’s freaking me out.” 

Leon looked at them, then Shiloh pointed out the passage they’d read. “How the aliens fight. Do I even have to do this?”

Leon took a breath. “Yeah, let’s…try to help you through this lesson, first, so you don’t have to come back to it. Then let’s give you a break. Pretty much everyone is struggling today.”

Mark

He was tired, and staring at a computer was not helping him focus. Still, he had ambitions of going places that probably required a college degree after the war, so he needed to get through it. 

Still, he was focusing on things that would actually help him - he didn’t need to pass art to graduate, so he wasn’t bothering. Math was only up to a certain point, but Curtis mentioned it would help him with logistics, so he was willing to suffer through it. Physics was giving him good ideas about how to use his powers, or use his team’s powers, so he wasn’t going to complain - he didn’t know he wanted to bother with an elective science next year. History may be useful, especially civics, and he was thinking of taking the foreign policy course elective next year to have a better chance as the team traveled. English - eh, maybe, for public speaking, but for the most part it was a thing he could afford to bare minimum so he could graduate and leave public speaking to Xavier and Casey. 

He took some breaths and continued working. Focus - he saw Shiloh stand up, and tried to focus down for himself. 

The questions on this assignment were annoying - how long had he been staring at this one? He pulled some scratch paper and tried to work it out, finding himself more annoyed than before. Set up the problem, realistically if I can do that in real life I can run a calculator. 

He listened to the teacher droning and tried to restrain his anger, his contempt, as the teacher on the zoom screen pointed out that he was obviously not paying attention. Idly, Mark pondered leaning into the ‘insane group home’ thing and telling the truth  that he was busy trying to figure out how to graduate while juggling being a test subject for government experiments and fighting a war with aliens. He’d be written off, and but he’d have this condescending jackass eat himself whole when the whole mess was declassified. No, Mark thought. Complicates my path to graduation if he assumes I’m crazy rather than assuming I’m totally under my own control. And by the time he’d be dealing with the consequences I won’t get to laugh. 

Instead, he refocused on the lesson to the best of his ability, gritting his teeth over the exhaustion. Come on, focus, just a little harder.

Mark sighed as the teacher kept talking, having called attention to him and now leaving him alone while he worked through the problems. He glanced around - Xavier was doing about as well as he was from the looks of things, he gave it about even odds that Echo had gotten fed up with being talked down to by someone with half her IQ and just built an AI to do her homework for her, Casey and Molly were trying as hard as they could…

“Mr. Rosenberg, do you have the answer?”

Mark snapped, the irritation of the stupid fake name he’d been given finally wearing thin his patience after the week, and the teacher of the one day a month he had to show up for actual guided classes having thoroughly run out of luck for getting Mark of all people the day after the battle. He flicked the mic on. “Yeah, this one, and the next, and the next. All the way down to the last five, which I’m still chewing on. I had to do something to entertain myself and listening to you run your mouth wasn’t going to do it.” 

Leon looked over at the vicious tone in his voice - he was almost surprised to hear it. He’d never spoken like that in school before, though he probably would have if Imperator had put him or the others in school directly after abduction rather than keeping him for a few weeks to settle in. 

“That’s disrespectful. A bit of -” 

Mark muted himself before he could fire off the dozen insults that rapidly sprang to mind, and tuned out what else the idiot was saying. Leon approached and asked him what was going on. 

“Just…short fuse. Been trying to focus on getting through school in the midst of the war and I don’t need the teacher’s shit. That’s all.”

Leon looked quietly concerned but nodded. “I understand why you feel that way, but I need you to try to slow down, take a breath. We’ll talk about that more in our next session.”

Casey

English - it had been her choice on what independent study to focus on this week, she supposed, and English was an easier thing to work on than math, but god, really, did she want to be reading Catcher in the Rye in the middle of…actually, yeah. Because it felt like the kind of thing she’d get to complain about if she was back home. So she focused on Holden Caulfield, and his miserable little life, and wondered if her younger brother would be reading it soon back in Cincinnati. How he’d do with it.  How her sisters would do with it, without her to help them with the homework. 

She started on the essay, and tried, just for a minute, to pretend this was her biggest problem. She remembered hating school, and it still wasn’t exactly fun, but now it was at least…it was at least something normal in the midst of everything else. A reminder that she was going to be normal again, want to go to college, want to get married, have kids, be normal again, even if her powers were never going to leave her. 

Something tickled at her as she read it - she got why people didn’t like Holden, he was angsty, self-pitying, obnoxious, mean-spirited, and flat-out gross, but she also understood what he wanted. Looking after his sister and deciding, eventually, to do what he had to because it was the way to look after her, being her…god that was such a dumb expression…”Catcher in the Rye…”

She sighed, as she looked at her essay. If she asked anyone else to look at this, she was going to get psychoanalyzed. Everyone, EVERYONE, hated Holden Caulfield. Jonathan and Echo hated Holden and they were actual orphans like he was, so it probably wasn’t okay to write off his shitty attitude as being trauma related. She hated him for making his little sister worry about him as much as she did, since it shouldn’t have been her job, but him getting his act together at the end had felt good to watch, like someone should have recognized that he made progress in taking responsibility.

She knew Leon would tell her she only felt that way because she’d been parentified, whatever that meant, that she’d been her mother’s secret-keeper, all that. Had been a Catcher for her younger siblings, since she knew that her parents’ marriage hadn’t been going as cleanly as it could be before she disappeared - her dad working all those extra shifts, her mom struggling to keep up with everything she and her siblings did. She’d tried to have fewer extracurriculars to take some of the weight off, help out with the little ones, listen to her mom so the younger ones didn’t learn about it, but…

She looked at the essay she’d written and slowly deleted a lot of it, some of it was too personal. Then she started writing again. 

Damnit. I’m still doing it. Still trying to end the war before it hits them. Not that I can. But…

Casey took a breath. At least school, and all the annoyances and embarrassments that came with it, that could be normal. She could be normal again, eventually. As normal as she’d ever been. 

Jonathan

Why was it wrong!? He’d done everything right! 

He took a breath and forced himself to focus, checked - and realized that some of the numbers further back up the question had gotten flipped around. He tried to remind himself that Leon said he had a learning disability, that it didn’t make him stupid, that if he’d had good parents and wasn’t stuck in Imperator he would have accommodations, he wouldn’t be struggling so hard, but it was hard when he failed over and over in math that everyone else seemed able to do - hell, that Mark was practically blowing out of the water while ignoring the teacher and Echo had mentioned making an AI to do for her so she could learn more interesting stuff.

Fuck, wasn’t ‘learning disability’ just a nice way of saying ‘retarded’? His dad had always told him he was, and pretty much everyone told him he was dumber than a rock. The chair creaked under his grip, and he was suddenly crouching, catlike, as the chair toppled, and he realized that he’d accidentally snapped one of the legs off while just squeezing it. 

Stupid, stupid. He grabbed another chair and sat back down, Leon coming over as he tried to compose himself and talking to him softly. “Jonathan…”

“I’m so fucking done, Leon. I’m fucking retarded and there’s nothing about this that makes sense. I can’t do better with this and I don’t know what the point is because I’m not going to be anything but a Praetorian either way. Can I please, please just drop out so I don’t have to keep doing this? I’m not smart enough for college and…”

He took a breath and Leon asked, very softly, if he needed a hug, and Jonathan nodded, keeping his arms at his sides - he didn’t trust himself not to crush the closest thing he had to a mother by mistake right now, as she held him. “You are not stupid, Jonathan. And you have a future after the war. I’m gonna twist Stricken’s…no fuck that. I’m going to send an email to the school and say that I am concerned about your grades and want an IEP meeting of some kind. We can get you some kind of accommodations, I’m tired of watching you do this to yourself.” 

Jonathan blinked. “Can…can you do that? Will you get in trouble? Don’t get in trouble and get yourself hurt for me. It’s not worth it, I’d rather just drop out…”

Leon shook her head. “I’m not going to get in trouble. Big picture, it’s something that would be expected if a kid is struggling this badly and if I suddenly disappear, it’ll bring up more questions - I’ve been the contact for all of you with the school the whole time. I can’t get away with doing stuff like this often, but while I’m at it I might as well come up with some story about how I finally have the paperwork from the state about Shiloh’s hearing issues and need better subtitles or transcripts.” 

Jonathan took a breath. The thought that this could be better - “Are you sure? That I could actually do it if you get me what I need?”

Leon nodded. “I’m certain. You’re not stupid, Jonathan. You’ve spent your whole life being told you are, but you aren’t stupid, and you aren’t worthless. You have a future after this, after the war, and I want to help you plan for it.”

That was it. He started crying, and gently held Leon. “Thanks, mom.”