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#i think on some level i'll always have urges and compulsions to eat things that aren't to be followed upon body-wise
anaalnathrakhs
·
1 year
Text
food is. evil.
#wooo awesome i feel like shit no matter what i do
#can't logic my way out of it!
#can't compassion my way out of it!
#no matter how much i genuinely do believe in these things!
#i have unlocked the Bad Feelings no matter what i eat or what quantity
#i have no idea what's a normal amount of food
#and i can't tell apart normal thoughts from contradicting ed thoughts
#100 bucks to whoever finds my hunger cues and brings them back
#my brain decided that eating things was the best goddamn sensory experience in the world and that if my arms can reach it i have to have it
#so instead of balancing nutritional needs with sensory wants with circumstances like a normal person
#i'm balacing all this + the stress-focus-feeling okay-o-meter since for some fucking reason the only way to lower it is crunchy things
#and of course the ed. the arfid/autism(?) thing. the trying to eat an environmentally responsible amount of meat.
#not going to lie it feels very neverending and hopeless
#i think on some level i'll always have urges and compulsions to eat things that aren't to be followed upon body-wise
#but are filling a need psyche-wise
#and i have no idea how to balance that. how to replace with something else that fills the psychological need.
#how to balance my diet around those urges and compulsions that help my psychologically.
#and like all of my problems forever it's only a tiny part of a big interconnected mess that i don't even know how to begin to unravel
#broadcasting my misery
#vent
#ed tw
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