#i think of this somewhere in s16 but you are free to see this in whatever timeline you want !

[omgitskaii]

dean is not a man of faith, never has been, not after everything he’s lost. but somehow, a late night drive after a violent nightmare takes him to an empty church; it looks abandoned or otherwise vacant and he’s just… compelled to go in. he doesn’t really know why, something just pulls him in and for once he doesn’t go kicking and screaming.

he is not a man of faith and he hesitates as he looks over the rows of empty pews. he feels like a stain on a white cloth, a parasite to a host, like he doesn’t belong here and the thought of being here makes his skin crawl. he doesn’t know why he’s here in the first place and his heart is pounding with leftover anxiety. he’s not here for chuck though. maybe he’s here for jack. maybe for sam. but neither is really true.

he is not a man of faith but dean walks to the pews stiff and uncertain. he’s only ever stepped into a church willingly once and that was for his mothers funeral. the church is empty but dean feels eyes heavy on him, like if he doesn’t get this right he’ll burst into flames. he is walking sin, he feels like filth in a holy house, but he kneels anyway. he kneels and goes willingly and he feels a knot in his gut that’s telling him that whatever he says or does he is not deserving, he doesn’t deserve any blessings he asks for, any help he needs, any guidance he seeks.

he doesn’t ask for anything, though. he folds his hands and he closes his eyes. he is not a man of faith, and deans certain this will all lead to no-one, but he prays.

he doesn’t pray to anyone in particular, and it’s not necessarily that he meant to pray to cas specifically, but it just happens. the decision was more unconscious, like it was easy as breathing; of course he’d pray to cas. and maybe it’s the fact hes in a church that the prayer he sends is so loud, so holy, that the newly reformed angel of thursday stills in the bunker when dean winchester, man of little faith, the righteous man, kneels and bows his head in prayer in the house of god and prays, not to god himself, but to him.

to dean, it’s all nonsense. it’s a prayer filled with fear, regret; it’s a poem, a memoir, a to-do list, a grocery list, a love letter, an apology. it’s nothing, and it’s everything.

but to castiel, it’s not nonsenses. his prayers are filled with love. it’s full with faith for him. the one who believes himself so undeserving is so filled with love and cas is shaking. no creature on earth has come as close as dean winchester has to undoing him. his thoughts are filled with a buzzing energy like an electrical wire that simmers in his sternum, warm and human. he clutches at his chest to keep them safe and castiel aches with a shared longing that almost brings him to his knees. dean winchester prays and castiel listens.

when dean comes home, he doesn’t mention where he went. but cas knows. and something in his face tells dean that he knows. cas watches dean descend down the stairs like nothing monumental just happened. dean offers him a small smile, warm and gentle to make up for him leaving so abruptly just a few hours ago. it’s not the command of god that has castiel reaching for him like he did years ago. he just does it because he can. because he wants to. he's allowed to. castiel meets dean halfway, grips him tight, and holds him.

he whispers something holy and intimate that only dean can hear. an angel prays to man. he is a ball of celestial yarn, unravelling at the feet of a man who believes, years ago, he didn't deserve to be saved, that he is nothing but a killer. but he loves. dean winchesters love is not so easily earned, and he loves castiel. he chooses to. so castiel closes his eyes, bows his head, and like amen, he seals his own silent prayer with a kiss. it's a thank you, it's an apology, it's a promise. it’s nothing, and it’s everything.

dean winchester is not a man of faith, but he has faith in cas. always.

[the-mpreg-guy]

You've probably answered this like a thousand times but my brain is fried honestly and I love love love your opinions and takes so sorry but you'll have to deal with my annoying ass haha

I'd like to know if you have any recs for post canon fics (fix-its of sorts) with Cas coming back and there's lots of angst until they get together? Preferably explicit tbh

And if you have favorite Cas uses his grace during sex with Dean / wink kink fics

I think I have a couple you might like! Throwing them all under the cut because it got longer than I intended.

Post Canon Fix-Its

The Soul Burns Brighter Than the Sun

S16 multichapter fic, complete with soul bonding, explicit sex, Dean and Cas being codependent as hell, lone wolf Cas, depressed, suicidal Dean, and the return of basically every single villain on the show. I cannot recommend this fic enough to ppl who are looking for closure after the final.

Truth & despair

Also a s16 multichapter fic. Follows Sam POV as he navigates post-canon therapy, finding out that Destiel is a Thing, and being so very canon accurate that it makes my stomach hurt. Last chapter is Dean POV with grace/soul bonding shenanigans. No explicit sex, but I'm pretty sure Dean and Cas's souls maybe banged somewhere in there.

Redux

Completely canon compliant s16 multichapter fic. Dean and Sam get resurrected for one last case. Perfect balance of plotty and character introspection. Bela also makes a cameo which is reason enough to read this fic.

A Long Road Back

Dean and Claire bonding after Cas dies, Dean looking after an empty inn, longing, pining, softness, and eventual reunion.

miracles' verse

Post-canon oneshot series with disabled Dean, therapy dog Miracle, gender moments, and all around fluff.

all the things yet to come are the things that have passed

Post canon Destiel reunion oneshot where Dean is waiting for Jack to rescue Cas and spends a lot of his time praying. Incredibly soft.

If You Choose to Live, Turn to Page 52

Dean doesn't die on a nail, and Cas visits him in the hospital. They have an old married couple argument about everything.

the space between never and again

Destiel reunion, they get married in a parking lot.

in addition;

Post canon Destiel + Saileen roadtrip with Jack along for the ride. SO FUNNY AND SOFT.

six hundred sundays (and many more)

Castiel is starting to suspect Dean fell in love with him a few Sundays ago. Cas is DUMB.

In Place

Post canon Destiel get into an argument after a case over who's allowed to sacrifice themselves. Explicit sex, d/s, and some fun grace stuff.

Kingdom Come

Cas gets kicked out of the Empty as a human. He and Dean have sex about it.

there is rest for the wicked

Dean won't stop taking naps, Cas is soft about it, and somewhere in there a love confession happens.

anamnesis 'verse

Four part series wherein Dean and Sam break free from Chuck's control, Cas becomes the new death, and Destiel becomes canon.

What The Moon Was Saying

Dean does Orpheus.

Soul Grace/Wing Kink

(See above rec list for A Soul Burns Brighter Than the Sun for more grace/wing smutfic)

everyone knows the year doesn't start until april

Non explicit soul grace fic that's juuust almost kinky about it.

terror & desire intertwined

Castiel possesses Dean to get out of the Empty. Insane grace sex fic paired with introspection and Destiel post-canon reunion.

I CARRY YOUR HEART (I CARRY IT IN MY HEART)

Another Castiel possesses Dean fanfic, but with a little bit less soul/grace sex and not post canon. It's still a fantastic read and DOES have Dean unpacking his feelings about having Cas inside him always.

sweeter coming from my hand

The Mark of Cain is killing Dean. Castiel is dying from lack of grace. Solution? Soul/Grace marriage. Also they fuck about it.

Grooming Instincts

Dean decides to help Cas groom his wings. Dean did NOT know that was a sex thing.

Any Pacifier Will Do

Demon Dean being halfway cured by angelic grace cockwarming. Straight up pwp fun.

Revealed

Dean is the one who ends up with wings this time around, and he and Castiel angel mate about it.

Nothing Equals the Splendor

Dean dying was just a Djinn trick, Castiel shows up and blows his back out, and there are wings and billions of eyes involved.

Coals Aglow

Dean and Cas fuck in the apocalypse world, there's angelic grace, d/s dynamics, and Cas being a clever bastard.

[quillquiver]

Feel free not to answer I just wanted to say I think the whole approach to "season 16" is very much so an age thing. I PROMISE that's not me calling you old lol I just mean a lot of people who are super into it are in their late teens/early 20s and a lot of the people who are super not into it are late twenties/thirties/whatever. I say this as someone in their early twenties having a blast. I think it might have something to do with how fandom/the ways fans interact with the works is evolving, like me and a bunch of us were on spn tumblr as 13/14/15-year-olds and grew up with that old tumblr energy that invited this sort of mania, whereas people who were older at the time or had been in other fandom spaces before didn't really participate in that. I think a lot of us are very self aware and "tinhat" because it's legitimately fun for us. I'm not criticizing you at all because I totally get what you're feeling, your posts on it just made me think a lot about this.

No, this is great! I am definitely from a different generation of fans - and I’ve noticed a divide in age as well. I guess I’m just curious how people have the energy? Or is it that things aren’t taken so personally?

For context: when I started in fandom, it was something that had an element of seriousness and responsibility because it had to be - it wasn’t something talked about, and you didn’t flaunt yourself because you didn’t want to drawn attention to yourself or the community for legitimate fear of getting your shit taken down and being slapped with a lawsuit. I started at the very, very end of that, and because it was hard to find, and because there was community responsibility involved, there was a code of conduct that had to be learned and adhered to. So like, being a fan is serious to me, and it’s an important part of my identity.

I have been in SPN fandom for the better part of a decade, and on tumblr for longer than that. So I know that energy! It’s great! I just feel that it’s shifted from motivating fanworks to encouraging this weird grief spiral, where everyone constantly seems to be angry and upset, and then couch those emotions in social justice in order to legitimize them - when, to my mind, feeling them should be legitimizing enough! Fucking revel in your emotions, this is a space built to process them, specifically. We made a space for ourselves to do that.

I guess I feel like a lot of engagement in fandom just feels very high stakes now, when it used to be this really nice, low-stakes environment way more conducive to relaxation. Sure, there would be serious drama that would kick up every now and then, but it was never sustained like this. I saw posts of people who seemed to be legitimately upset there was no new drama from the KoC podcast - and I’m confused, because before 15x18, drama was something we all generally agreed to try and avoid. Or at least, we knew exactly who was wont to create it and steered clear if that wasn’t our thing.

But this is everywhere. I’m not kidding; I have probably unfollowed more people than I ever have because I’m trying to get my dash somewhere back to normal and nothing is working. Almost every other post across my dash involves some kind of academic theory or willingly buys into network conspiracy--Jensen’s silence is sexy, but given the atmosphere in the fandom right now, is anyone actually surprised he or Misha haven’t spoken up? No one knows what their NDAs look like, and if it were me, I’d keep my trap shut out of sheer self-preservation. 

And like, I love tinhatting. I have been cockles a cockles tinhatter for a long-ass time and I enjoy the hell out of it. But - and I’m definitely gonna sound old here - I feel like there’s an element of respect, not only for the cast, but honestly, mostly for the community at large, that seems to have been obliterated in the SPN renaissance. I think that because lots of young folks grew up at a time where fandom was generally widely accepted, and now are being catered to, and they have forgotten that this is an actual community, and that what one person does reflects on all of us. Tagging the cast in shippy posts? A big no-no. Because I can tell you right now that the person you’re tagging might see your username and think of you as an individual, but you are part of a community that has been Perceived for a long-time, and your behaviour reflects on alllllll of us. 

And last thing, I swear, but like. The posts. The posts that just say the same thing in different words: from different blogs, from the same blogs, all with this air of manic self-importance that ratchets my anxiety up to 11.... what is with that??? These things rack up hundreds of notes and I am mystified because not only have we covered this years ago, we covered this last week and the post is dated 30mins ago. There’s this obsession with being right and finding the truth and being smart and just rehashing that over and over and it’s exhausting to me. 

And I know I am currently coming off as an old fart who’s complaining about young people and screaming get off my lawn but I am genuinely curious: Is it that I just take things very personally? Is it that everything rolls off you loyal s16 followers? How the hell do you have the energy for this? Don’t you want to process your grief? Are you grieving? How do you interact with works? Like, how, from your perspective, is that changing? 

These are legitimate questions, and this was very long, so if you’re reading this I’m sorry. 

[texas-hates-taxes-too]

List of things I like in the shisno arc (seasons 15-17, this list could get long)

Edit: it is long

All the grimmons scenes in s15 were *chefs kiss*

There was the temple thing, the focus on simmons while Grif walked off, simmons constantly thinking about grif when he wasn't there, grif repeatedly asking specifically how simmons was when locus and lopez arrived, them immediately yelling each others names when they reunited, and of course the "why are we here?!" Scene

Speaking of said scene, Simmons' knife was obviously also a highlight

Also hyper grif. Was so good

The entire episode Previously On, I rewatch it so much, i love it

Previously On also gave us Carolina/Grif interactions and that deserves its own mention

Locus was also so good in s15 and s17, I loved how he was trying so hard to stay chill but was so obviously losing his mind trying to work with the reds and blues

Caboose hugging Locus was also a highlight

LOOPY WASH. He's just so funny okay, all the scenes with him in s15 and then in s16 when he sees the others in the corridor and stops to talk to them, it always kills me

The conversation between tucker and wash in s15 when they finish it with "smartass" "buzzkill"

Loco. I just really love him. I'm still so sad he died :')

I also hate-love Temple so he gets a mention too, that evil bastard <3

The beach scene where Wash and Lina talk about Illinois and then about York and then hold hands is rlly sweet

I always love wash's line "you don't have to destroy the past to have a future", it reminded me of Carolina's line to Epsilon about how the past doesn't define who you are

I loved the scenes in s15 with simmons and caboose, especially because Simmons actually treated Caboose like a person, he didn't immediately dismiss everything caboose said as stupid, he said it was an "interesting theory" but he wasn't sure it was right

The scene where Caboose talks to church through the portal. It makes me so emotional :') I love caboose so much

Tucker being protective of caboose was also really nice to see

The Spencer porkensonsen story line was ridiculous and I loved it.

I actually really liked Jax in s15, he was so dumb but loveable (unfortunately I really didn't like him in s16 :/)

The griflings hug was so so good

Doctor grey.

Now onto s16 xD

Grif's. Sword. Puns. Best thing ever

Huggins owns my entire heart and her friendship with Grif was so sweet

Sister actually getting proper development and character interactions and not just being a throwaway character

Tucker killing Flowers again lmao

Caboose's Travel presentation was brilliant and I loved his interactions with Lopez

Special shout out to caboose asking the guy at bjorndal for two cups of coffee

The scene where tucker asks for a 200ft dong and Atlus responds with "oOh a man after my own heart"

Sarge wanting to marry Kalirama was a mood

GENKINS

I fucking love genkins okay, he's a bastard and I find everything he says hilarious, I'm sad we didn't get more interactions between him and O'malley

Speaking of, the O'malley vs Donut fight?!?!? Was so good?!?!

I was so proud of Donut

Season 16 had another scene where Grif goes off alone somewhere and it focuses on simmons' face (/helmet)

Also just before this scene, after grif suggests that he goes off alone, simmons says "i don't like this plan", he was worried! And I live for it

Doc's super sad backstory with Deke :( it was sad but I loved hearing more about Doc

Season 17!

Donut finally got to shine and he deserved it so much

The scenes where Donut gets shot by Wash like 7 times kills me dbjds

The Wash and Donut interactions were just amazing

Wash shooting Donut deliberately and then saying "i admire your commitment to time travel"

When they travel to just before he shoots donut and wash says sorry and Donut says "what's a donut without a hole in it" HFJFKD DONUT

Donut tells Carolina to shut up in this season. The bravery.

The whole episode 'the not-so-good ol' days' tbh

When Wash says York and Carolina are close and York is like "Woah thats ridiculous, carolina is our boss, we're not close at all, the audacity, I've never even looked at her face or talked to her in any way not professional"

Wash's "oh right it kinda was" about pfl being like high-school

The entire montage where he's trying to find out where carolina was, its all good

Also wash screaming in his helmet and then saying "I'm great!" when Carolina asked if he was okay

Caboose being a genius

The scene where church is confused and caboose just tells him to go back to bed

Huggins coming back!!

Sister tricking Tucker into telling people the bad things he did lmao

Doc being about to set Tucker straight but then getting annoyed and telling him he should tell everyone else his "unfinished business" too

Doc telling off O'malley and then fighting in the labyrinth, I'm so so proud of him 💜💜

Grif and Sisters interactions in the labyrinth

Almost forgot about this but genkins possessing Santa! And telling Locus that Felix was afraid of knives fndhsjl

Also Genkins possessing Tex and saying that church is basically the clone of a guy who made the robot equivalent of a body pillow kills me

Grif: my balls send their regards, Tex

The scene where Tucker compliments Donut and then calls him an angsty bitch

Okay so I've definitely forgot stuff but this list is already really long so I'll cut it off here, feel free to add things!