#i think most of us try to block it from our memories tho lol

[alexturner2005]

sometimes my activity is flooded w people reblogging old bald alex posts and tagging them w how hot it was and i can only guess they must not have experienced that part of the era in real time. ma’am that man was having a crisis

[jeevikweek]

messing around with concepts for daze harley stuff remember her? lol

Your name is DAISY HARLEY-STRIDER but most people opt to call you DAZE because to be honest it sounds cooler. You have a fascination with the INDIE WEB and code your own website on a platform called LEOCITIES. Unsurprisingly you detest using SOCIAL MEDIA and at this point you only use it to keep up with your FRIENDS and get info about your LATEST OBSESSIONS. You are currently in the process of waiting for an ONLINE THERAPY APPOINTMENT because you have ISSUES or something. Honestly you don't get it sure your PARENTS are getting DIVORCED but you don't see how this has anything to do with YOU. -- genuineTotality [GT] joined babaraUrsari [BU]'s video call -- BABARA: Now Y don't we start off with something easY? BABARA: Y don't You tell me a little bit about Your experience growing up with Your particular familY? DAZE: o uh... DAZE: that's kinda not easy DAZE: but i can try! BABARA: You don't need to have it all right awaY. BABARA: How about starting with a memorY You relate with both Your parents? You honestly flinch a little at that. Geez, you know you're in therapy for a reason but does she have to start pushing your buttons already? DAZE: oh haha yeah DAZE: well i was like 12 i think and mom and dad were taking me out to a ren fair or something like that BABARA: Did You like going to the fair? DAZE: o yeah ofc it was always something we did DAZE: tho as i got older it shifted from being the three of us to just a me and dad thing DAZE: anyways we were at the fair and someone noticed dad BABARA: Noticed him how? Ugh DAZE: well i mean he didn't exactly make it subtle DAZE: dad's always been fine with being recognized as a creator BABARA: How did You feel about that? DAZE: fine i guess but mom never liked it DAZE: mom always wanted to be seen as a person never as this deified myth Oh man not even five minutes in and we're already getting into the MEATY DIVORCE JUICES this is about exactly what you were expecting. This'll be a PIECE OF CAKE you're sure of it, all you have to do is show her that you're FINE and you DON'T CARE and you'll be out of here in no time. BABARA: So back to the ren fair. BABARA: What exactlY happened with this person noticing Your father? DAZE: o right dad allowed them to take a picture with the genuine Knight of Time DAZE: and mom got really upset because he was "blowing our cover" and she wanted to not have any sort of celebrity presence BABARA: How did Your dad react? DAZE: the way he always does You start to explain the intricacies of STRIDER EMOTIONAL AVOIDANCE. The way your father (and UNCLE DIRK for that matter) block any attempts to have a GENUINE CONVERSATION as if they were parrying a bullets with one of their SICK ASS SWORDS (their term for it not yours). And how this had always been an issue between your GUARDIANS. BABARA: What about You though Daze? What did You do? DAZE: i didn't do anything DAZE: i don't think it really matters cause i wasn't apart of the fight BABARA: But You were in the middle of it? BABARA: You were the reason theY were there in the first place. BABARA: I think theY were both doing what theY did because of you. BABARA: And You might be plaYing a bigger role here than You think. Oh.

[chemicalcarousel]

questions taken from this post

just answering all of these for myself because i can and i don't wanna wait for potential asks

Hi! Who are you right now?

I'm Levi ✌

How do know its you thats out? What are your usual cues?

Uhh good fucking question. i feel like a guy ig (dysphoria). and i have very strong feelings of justice and i get very pissed when ppl aren't treated right (im super vengeful). i also dissociate a lot when im confronted with my source and i think my voice is lower and im less "all over the place" than some of the other alters? i'm more "relaxed" ig, even if my emotions can get very strong and bordering black/white

Do you like it when people know its You and not the collective whole? Is it situational, or depends on the person?

It's complicated. i feel very exposed and i'm nervous what other people will think of me since i'm a fictional introject of a very popular anime character. i'm also worrying about which impression we as a collective have on the people around us, and if they know we are a DID system and which alters we got, then they might treat us in some weird fucking way (and let's be honest - that's the reality of it) but on the other hand, i feel so lonely and invisible when i'm talking to my friends and they don't know that i even exist, ya kno? i'd wish i could be myself around my friends and i'm still trying to find out if that is possible

What sort of aesthetics do you draw to?

i guess darker ones? like black and red. i like grunge and punk too. i also fuck with traumacore, again especially black/white and red shit. angry shit. im an edgy little man

What do you look like?

pretty much like my source, i just wear different clothes ig here's some pics xoxo

What sort of emotions do you feel mostly when you’re out?

anger, grief, vengefulness, idk man i'm ready to punch a bitch lol

What sort of situations are you out in most of the time?

I'm a host, but other than that i'm always the one going to sleep and i am the one that doesn't hate ourselves ig. i'm not gonna blame us for what other people did or do to us, ya kno. i'm a protector

Are there other parts like you in the same system?

we have another introject of the same character, but he's nothing like me or our source. so no, i think i'm the only alter like me in this body?

Are you part of a subsystem?

no, i don't think we have subsystems

What’s your relationship like to the parts nearest to you right now?

idk, kinda like roommates or "found family"? i'm not sure who's close rn tho, but i'm chill with all the alters i know

Do you have vague memories of before you came out, or do they feel blocked out?

i have no idea what this means. i think it means before i fronted and yeah we kinda have a "shared consciousness", but sometimes i realise i don't have all the pieces of what happened, but it's mostly greyouts and emotional amnesia

What’s your favorite way to ground?

nature, fidget toys, drinking something tasty

Do you have a favorite snack or drink?

idk i love coffee ig. i like food in general lol

Do you have a favorite item in the present world?

hmm... can't think of one item, but i have some clothing and other stuff that i like. i love flannel shirts and i love pretty teacups

Do you have an inner world? Do you have a place you like in there?

nah, not really. it's just a black void. we haven't been able to construct one and nothing has seemed to pop up yet

Whats a simple way other parts might describe you to like a therapist or something?(they’re the fierce one, the sad one, ect)

the angry/vengeful one/the fight response one

What’s the safest thing you can imagine right now?

so pathetic, but ig that's a part of why i was created. but the safest thing i can imagine is the guy i see as my soulmate (erwin), but he's a fucking anime character from my source and has never and will never be real. but he's such a comfort for me and thereby the entire system. i just wish he was actually real lol i definitely haven't cried myself to sleep because he's a drawing ahahaha :')

What’s something you wish the system would do more of?

stand up for ourselves. but i do understand why other parts don't do this and i don't blame them. i'd just wish they didn't feel this fear and shame

What’s your handwriting like?

idk ugly? i think all of us have an ugly handwriting lmfao

Free space! Tell me a random fact about you or something you’re thinking about

uhh rn im dissociating bc we are opening up to a friend about our DID and it's making all of us nervous, so that's what's in my thoughts. a random fact could be that i fucking love making fun of my source and i love making fans mad lmfao

[discoclubofvenus]

Morning Haze

Morning Headcanons w/Hinawa, Victor, & Maki

Warnings: None~

Genre: Fluffier than cloud 9

Attributes: gn reader

Type: Request

A/N: This was such a cute little request omg, but I finally got around to making some banners! I’ll make more as I write for different characters

He is getting up at the ass crack of dawn to be productive and no you cannot get him out of this routine

Sometimes he’ll just be reading a by the window and watching the sun come up or he’s cleaning  or cooking breakfast

Mans said “I will be up to have a peaceful moment before dealing with those damn hooligans” 🗿

He mainly gets up early due to it being a habit from his military days 😗

He always gives you a smooch before leaving for work

(I swear he stay havin a shit load of paperwork)

On his days off..he would definitely sleep in

He would still wake up pretty early (like 8-9am) but not at the ass crack of dawn

He would be the type that’s completely awake after 2 minutes of being awake

Weird af but it’s that military trainin in him hun

However you can easily convince him to stay in bed by giving him a massage

If you wake up before him you should 100% get/make some breakfast so you two can have breakfast in bed

He would appreciate it sm

Also hinawa without his glasses is so hot??? But when he put them glasses on?? Phew chile..this man a snack

HE HAS A REALLY DEEP AND SEXY VOICE IN THE MORNING

YOU KNOW THE ONE

If he wakes up before you he’s most definitely staring at your sleeping form

He’d snort at you for drooling too but never make fun of you

He looks at the way the your expression is just so serene

100% will lightly joke about your snoring

He’d definitely make you breakfast in bed

Hinawa makes his way to your shared room in careful but hurried footsteps. In his hands sat a tray  that carried plates full of food. He already put the glass of (f/d) stop of your nightstand, so all he had to do was deliver the food. Which he did, successfully. He placed the tray on his side of the bed and gently ran his knuckles along your face. Hinawa could barely focus on anything but you. His love, his pillar, his ribbon. The scene in front of him was one he’d commit to his memory forever. Alas, you needed to wake up before the food got cold. So, with little to no hesitation Hinawa gently shook you awake along with a peck to your nose. “Good morning my darling”

If you’re still sleepy he’ll pet your head and let you rest on his chest while he reads

Hell he’ll even kiss your forehead sometimes

You guys would take a shower together with jazz or soft piano playing in background

Give this a man a massage while he’s contemplating whether he wants to get out of bed

He’d most definitely appreciate it and give you a token of his appreciation in kisses

You two will either wake up at the same time or you’ll wake up before her

Baby gorl will stay asleep till the cusp of noon (11am-12)

Her sleeping face is so adorable, kiss her cheek for me wouldja?

She wont have an iron grip around you if you try getting up, however, she will slowly start to wake up if you’re not beside her anymore

She’ll get pouty if you don’t come back soon

Give her around 10 minutes or so to adjust coming to reality

I recommend running your hands through her hair

She has such a tiny voice in the morning aodlfuebwuweb

Will appreciate you sosososososo much if you give/make her breakfast in bed

She would love to help with making breakfast! That’s one quick way to completely wake her up

Doing yoga in the morning together (if you both wake up early enough and this is another way to get her completely up lol)

Once she’s fully awake tho??

Homegirl is definitely finding excuses to stay in bed and skip the day

“Why don’t we stay in bed for a few more minutes? It’s not everyday we have such a peaceful awakening.” Maki states as she takes a sip of her steaming green tea. You give her an incredulous look as she closes her eyes--whether to ignore the stare she knows you’re giving her, or she’s savoring the moment within her whole being. You’re not sure, but if the serene smile on her face is anything to go by you would say the latter..if she weren’t adamantly trying to stifle her laughter. You sighed, with a small smile stretching across your face and a shake of your head you made your way to the closet. “You know Hinawa would kill the both of us if we skipped out on our duties--mostly me because he thinks I persuade you to stay in bed.”

You both help the other choose their outfit and you also have a little routine when it comes to your individual morning routines

While you’re in the shower, she would be doing a face mask and washing her teeth. While she’s in the shower, you’re washing your face and outside the bathroom doing your hair.

Please sing with her if you’re in the bathroom at the same time she’s in the shower

Before you guys leave your room for the day, she’ll give you a kiss and 1 reason as to why she loves you

He does not want to get out of bed, he dont so he won't

Simple

He will LITERALLY whine if you try getting him out of bed

He likes getting up around afternoon when he has days off because he will spend all night researching

Has you tangled all up in his limbs

RIP if you gotta get up to do anything cuz if he feels you move he’ll grip tighter

Will definitely tease you if he wakes up before you (just as a way to cover up how gorgeous he finds you in the morning)

“Eeewewew your morning breath is awful (n/n)”

“Oops looks like your bonnet/scarf travelled on a journey without you last night”

Someone beat his ass

That doesn’t stop him from giving you a nice gentle and slow smooch

Will drag you out of bed and get you up and ready

“I’m not going through this whole day without my stress reliever”

You guys brushing your teeth together

You wiping his face and him giving you kisses as appreciation

I’m soft

All of that only happens if you guys have a productive day ahead of you

ON A LAZY DAY??

He ain’t gettin up you can hang it up (and if he ain’t gettin up NEITHER ARE YOU)

You are gonna be the one to get up first because this man will sleep the whole day away if you let him

It’ll be the only way that his brain ACTUALLY takes a break

Unless he dreams about his research….

He prolly does if we’re being honest

Petting his hair while he sleeps (this man has an afro, therefore he has curls, which entails that this is a MAN WITH MELANIN. I’m not sorry, I made this rule and I’m gonna follow it)

Your dream slowly started to shift away to uncover spots of light trying to gain your attention. Soon your eyelids peeled open and your face was dotted with the sun’s rays. Looking to your side you spotted the curtains having a slight opening, wasn’t it time that you changed that? Black out curtains were made to block out the sun from waking you up after all. At a leisurely pace you attempted to get up and close the nuisance--YOINK. Letting out a squeal you were pulled back into the arms of your lover, Viktor Licht. When he got such strength to pull you back like that, you couldn’t find an immediate answer. Which pegged another question….how is he still asleep after such a stunt. Hearing the brunet groan beside you answered your question..he was only half-awake.

In bed you guys will talk about any and everything, your voices won’t be above a certain level to keep the atmosphere around you peaceful 

He would definitely tickle you to break that unspoken rule 

The only way you could get this man to get out of bed is if you’re making food 

Or have it delivered bc he’s not leaving the crib on his day off

[hajimine]

LEX’S 2020 APPRECIATION POST PT. II !

— to the lovely moots & followers who i talk to quite often (or pretty much everyday), this one’s for you.

thank u for being in my life, you made my 2020 so so much better. i’m so grateful october lex decided to make a tumblr acc 🥲

i’ll try my best to keep it kinda short 🥲👍

in alphabetical order:

@4fterh0urs — my omega phoebe 😩‼️ ily so much bc you’re both extremely stupid n extremely smart at the same time. u mean so much to me and i love talking to u even if u call me such weird as nicknames every damn day 😃 you’re so sexy n hella intimidating smfh idk how i was able to make u my bitch (JK PLS DONT KILL MEE) anyways, thanks for being a real one bae + you’re the person i block the most, so you’re special ig 😹👍 ily you’re actually such a sap but u pretend to be all tough heh <33

@archivednikes — my solar system, my wh*re (lovingly) hi bae 😣 ok yk how much i love u but. im gonna tell u again: ILYSM!! OKAY??? please know that you’re such an amazing human being and you’re SO incredibly talented. god i love u so much please take care of yourself baby, you’re always so kind to other people and i hope you can do the same to yourself. once again, i am so fucking glad you decided to slide into my inbox that day, because now i look forward to talking to you every single morning. insert grabby hands ilysm <33

@boosyboo9206 — onyx hi babes! i’m so so grateful for you omg u dont even know it. you always manage to cheer me up with your antics and you’re always here to support me 🥺 whenever i’m down you somehow aways manage to make me feel a lil better. i love talking to u whether it’s about sth as mundane as the weather or even your obsession with the word peepers. thank you for being you, please take care of yourself and stop sleeping so damn late. ilysm <33

@ch4jime — chloe bae!! 😁 hi omg ilysm you’re so cute and cool and nice urghh thanks for always checking up on me! i love love seeing you in my asks, you’re such a lovely person to be around. i seriously need to be better at dropping in other people’s inbox, so just know that i’ll work on hanging out on your blog more often this year bc ily! i wish u all the best and please never stop being you baby mwah <33

@fairyoomi — hi bae 😣😣 how are u?? i know we don’t talk much anymore, and that’s okie, but i still wanna write u this lil note because i’m so thankful i met you here on tumblr. you’re an amazing writer and u were so sweet to me even when i was a teeny blog who didn’t know anyone. i admire u a lot, yknow? thanks for being such a friendly and welcoming person, ily <33

@gu3to — mochi bestieo 🙀 idk if you’ll even see this smh so i’m just gonna text u after this (if i don’t forget to rip) okay so. hello?! you’re so mf cool and you’re a trendsetter 🤩 yes yes im fueling your god complex it’s bc ily smh. you’re so dumb i wanna choke u sometimes but i won’t bc i’m also just as dumb 😁 pls stop disappearing from the face of the Earth okay ilysm you always keep it real and i know i can always count on u to listen to uh... my shit. okay so when are we gonna make out? 🤨 oki bye <33

@hoekageyama — wifey!! maddie baby urghh yk how much i love you, you’re one of my earliest moots im pretty sure? and aaaaa i’m so so glad i decided to be weird as hell and slide into your asks that day (pancreas. sighs. iconic.) you’re my numero uno whenever i wanna bark about hot 2d boys and what i’d let em do to me coughs err yea hehe. please take care of yourself baby you’re such a sweet and kind and loving person and i’m so glad to have you in my life. smh we text each other lovey dovey texts anyway but i still wanna do this for u 😋 ilysm!!! <33

@honeyskawa — lani baby hi! i know you haven’t been super active lately, but i just wanna tell u that i appreciate u so so much!! you honestly made my goddamn week when u sent me that ask about how i inspired you bc what the heck?? never in my life have i expected to have such an impact on someone. you’re a wonderful writer honestly. i love u so much and i hope everything’s going well baby, i’m excited talk to u more whenever you decide to be active on tumblr again <33

@jougogo — kaybae hi!!! you haven’t been on tumblr much lately but hi sexc it’s me lex lol i’ve moved accs hehe 😎 i hope u see this whenever u get your phone back cries. you’re such an amazing person to be around, always so cheerful and friendly, you exude so much positive vibes and ilysm. you always manage to lift up the mood with your sexc self and i admire u for that. you’re so incredibly chaotic and fun to be around ahrgehxhh i appreciate u sm and i hope you’re taking care of yourself bby ily <33

@kemochie — my waluigi, my favorite f*rry, hi 😝 urghhh god we just started talking everyday pretty recently but god. you’re so funny??? and i love bullying u bc u give me so much material to bully u with (ok jkjk i love u that’s why i bully u smh) also, you’re so incredibly supportive and u were actually the one who pushed me to finally post that atsumu fic, even tho stupid me accidentally deleted it LMAOBSBD anw, u bring sm joy in my life, so thank u for that. we’re a small lil filf and you’re the milf to my dilf LMAO ilysm mwah!! <33

@kenmaki — gabbae! virgo bestie!! hi hi !! you’re such a talented person and you’re an amazing writer, and i hope one day u can get past your insecurities and see yourself as the wonderful person u truly are. i love how we were able to relate to each from how similar virgos think + our initial conversation of dick measurements and such will forever be seared into my memory. and congrats on getting a daily railing on the dash HSBDH i don’t look at em i promise lol 🤩🤩 jdbdhdh ilysm bby <33

@miyams — ren sweet babie hi! you’re so incredibly talented please don’t listen to stupid hate anons. i’ll stab them with a serrated knife if i have to 😠🔪 you’re so flippin cute and sweet i love talking to you, and i love love love whenever u come by my inbox to say hi. i hope we can talk even more in 2021, my dms and asks are always open for u bby (even though i suck at replying right away, sorry abt that huhu) i love u sm baby please take care of yourself <33

@miyasangel — ardie bae 😜 hi sexc!! i still cant believe we talk like everyday now lmaoo i used to think you’re so freaking cool (i still do) and now i’m friends w u whattaheck 🥲 you’re such an amazing writer wtf. i hate that we had to start our friendship on such a sour note (ehem discord ehem) but i’m really glad it brought us closer together. ily cockarden i’ll be sure to bully u even more HAHAGS IM JK makes out w u so hard bc you’re so damn hot ily 😣‼️ <33

@owlywrites — owly baby hello! ily so so much and you’re so talented, you deserve so much recognition. i hope i can read more of your fics soon bc they’re so well written ugh 😣 thanks for always checking up on me and always being so incredibly sweet. i love u so so muchhh huhu i wanna give u the biggest hug in the world :( please take care of yourself and never stop being your genuine self kith kith <33

@rilacry — milfy gorlillola 😜😜‼️ hi sexc. omfg i was so intimidated by u wtf (and i still kinda am smh) bc you’re so cool?? and your writing n carrd making skills are amazing as hell wtf. u just exude BDE bc you’re hella hot AND bc u wanna peg everyone. anyways,, i’m glad we got closer recently, even if it was out of really wack circumstances. ily bae pls stop sticking your memojis everywhere mwah <33

@rintaroll — my kue tete ☹️☹️ ilysm smh bye i can’t believe we’re close now wtf you’ve always been so cool and sexc 😩‼️ oh god i rmb when u were still on your old acc and u seemed so out of reach and i was a lil intimidated ANDBDJD SHHH but yea now ik you’re just a big h word dork and i love u for that 😣 i wish u all the best for your singing career bby you’re such a talented writer AND singer wtf. also you’re so pretty???? wtf how rude 😠 JKJK HAHHSBD ilysm kithes u so hard <33

@tetsoleil — geegee!! hi baby 😣 thanks for being such a sweet human being ily! it’s been a while since we actually talked yeah? but i still want u to know that i love u a lot and i appreciate u so much. i’m so so grateful you’re in my life because you’re such a joy to be around. you’re an amazing writer bby and i hope you get the recognition u deserve. i’m always here for u if u need anything. ilysm bby <33

@velvetfireworks — rachie bae 🤩 my bakso goreng, my golden kiwi!!! ily!! hehe im so glad i decided to slide in your dms when u asked me if i was indo. but ahhhh you’re ao sweet and cute and supportive ilysm. an amaaazing writer and i admire your work so much, but i think you’ve heard me say that multiple times before. i’m so glad we became closer recently through our love for greasy food and wonky lil faces 👁💋👁 kith kith ilysm <33

@yato-o — yato baby hi!! urgh honestly i appreciate u so so much?? i feel so lucky to be able to get to know you. i don’t even remember how we met but ahhh thank u for always stopping by and have a chat with me even though i know you’re a busy person. please take care of yourself and get some rest whenever u need to! don’t feel pressured to come on here if you’re tired baby, im so grateful to have u in my life, i luv youu <33

HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU SEXY BAES!

kisses, lex

[safetytank]

long-ass floral drama ahead

after the roaring successes of my Anders DragonAge Did Nothing Wrong & How To Dungeons And Dragons Good presentations, the host of the original had a follow-up DTL night and u KNOW a bitch is incapable of not doing Way Too Much while simultaneously leaving everything to the last minute

so here u go, customers i interacted with while working at one of the local florists between 2017-2018, organized and ranked for ur entertainment

commentary added bc most the slides were just a visual component to a textual joke & i won’t make u all sit through a 10-minute video rendition, u got shit to do

every single older guy cheating on his partner follows exactly the same script, it’s like they were made in a lab

some did manage to break away from the mold tho, usually younger guys asking sheepishly if we had “i’m sorry” balloons (we did) or the following 2 honorable mentions for bringing innovations to the field of cheating on ur wife

imagine using a BIBLE VERSE to try and convince your girl she should take u back bc something something FORGIVENESS

the audacity

the second honorable mention is the very first customer complaint my manager handled after he was hired on back in like 2012, which was a guy whose girlfriend had looked at his credit card statement the day after Valentine’s Day and saw he’d sent 13 other one-dozen rose arrangements so he tried to convince her it must have been a credit card glitch & that he’d call and get it sorted out and my manager was like “lmao fuck no you’re not getting a refund, u made ur bed now lie in it asshole”

number 4 is the time a customer wanted an order wired to chicago for a loved one’s birthday and have it be sent to their job and i was like “oh how nice where do they work” and they were like “the leather museum” and me, internally, thinking “wow like cowboy stuff :)”

it was not cowboy stuff

number three i don’t even give a shit about censoring the name on bc if you know Vickie Fucking Fitzgerald in real life there’s no punishment u could enact upon me that would be greater than having to put up with Vickie Fucking Fitzgerald in real life

this slide is an example of a normal message someone might write on a card that comes in a floral arrangement, like 4-ish lines of text on a little plastic fork that says “happy birthday, love NAME 1 and NAME 2″ or “sorry for your loss, love THE LASTNAME FAMILY”

Vickie Fucking Fitzgerald does not know how cards on floral arrangements work

like damn bitch just send a letter at that point jesus christ

fun fact this was also a wire order so the other florist called us on the phone to be like “uhhhhh is this....correct” and we had to be like “yeah” and they went “ok, cool, just checking, uh, so we had to staple 4 different message cards together to fit all of it” and we were like “yeah bet u did lol”

vickie fucking fitzgerald was a million billion years old and if u saw her name pop up on the caller ID you learned to fear it bc it meant you’d be trapped on the phone for between 10 and 20 minutes listening to her entire life story in between trying to take a gd floral order

one time she wanted a funeral basket sent out of state to FUCKING ALASKA and we’re on the east coast of the united states so we were like “ok well there’s a 4 hour timezone difference and it’s 8am here so they’re not even open yet, we’ll have to wait til 12pm when they open up at 8 and then we can wire it for you so we’ll take down your order and call u back when it’s time to wire it”

yall wanna guess how many times this bitch called back to waste our time before 12pm

VICKIE YOU WENT ON FOR CUMULATIVE HOURS ABOUT HOW YOUR HUSBAND WAS DIVORCING YOU AND I’M BEGINNING TO SEE WHY HE MIGHT WANT TO

#2 is of course the dumb horny bullshit, bc it turns out if u order online and the quality control manager isn’t paying A Lot of attention u can slip all kinds of shit into ur card messages (just don’t do the entire fuckin Iliad like VFF up there)

this one gets put in horny jail because of the sheer AUDACITY of contacting someone who has either 1. been broken up with/divorced recently, or worse, 2. THEIR PARTNER FUCKING DIED, and THEN TRYING TO THROW YOUR HAT IN THE RING WITH THAT “I’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL, CATCH ME ON THE REBOUND BABY ;)” HORSESHIT

no comment

this one haunts me in the depths of night and will absolutely be the last thing i see when i close my eyes to slough off this mortal coil

this one yall get every single slide for bc the only reason it lives on in as much detail is due to me hopping on twitter immediately afterwards to preserve the memory while it was still fresh (the caller was not the ghost btw, she was a middle-aged acquaintance of the aforementioned Gay Nigerian Royalty Ghost)

shout out to every stock website i skimmed off for this presentation btw

we stan one gay ghost king (THIS JOKE WORKS ON MULTIPLE LEVELS)

WHY DID HE HAVE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, YOU ASK

i cannot confirm literally any of this information please do not ask me to i was just paraphrasing what was told to me

here’s where we got into the really wild shit

if u ever worked retail u know this feeling

SO THE DELIVERY MANAGER COMES BACK IN THE DAY OF THE FUNERAL

and he’s like “so i walked in there to deliver the orders and the place was DECKED OUT in traditional fabrics, masks on the wall, everyone was dressed very traditionally, and i was like wow cool guess this guy was important” (he did not know about the International CIA Prosecutor stuff) and someone at the funeral home told him “oh yah we had to go all out bc the deceased’s family WERE A BRANCH OF THE NIGERIAN ROYAL FAMILY THAT HAD FLED TO THE UNITED STATES SOMETIME IN THE 80′S so obviously u can’t have a royal funeral and skimp on the decorations :)”

artist’s rendition

thank u for enjoying this little trip down memory lane also if u recognize urself or someone u know in any of these stories i blocked ur names out for a reason so don’t fuckin come at me ok

[booksanditsseriesormovies]

GX Month Day 5

September 4th: “Pass The Salt” 

No story is perfect. So what is something you wish you could have seen in the story of GX?

Oh boy where do I start

While I love GX there are quite a few things a would have done differently.

The case of Daichi Misawa

We are all more than familiar with Misawa and his fall from grace, from one of Judai’s potential top rivals, to a recurring joke even for the other characters (”Oh, Misawa, you’re here”). I get it, GX has a HUGE cast, like seriously huge. And we went from having 5 to 7 important characters in DM to around 15 in GX. Not everyone was going to survive the chopping block. Another victim of this was Hayato, but he was gone so soon (and with dignity) I didn’t really mind it. But Misawa’s case in S2 and S3 is just sad. I wish they could have done something better for him. At least he helped everyone get back from the other dimension and got Tanya in the end.

Johan vs Hell Kaiser Ryo

So, I don’t think I am the only one who thinks the duel between Ryo and Yubel (Possessing Johan) is one of the best if not the best in all of GX. It’s absolutely mind blowing. 

But I think that the duel between Ryo and Johan in the first arc of S3 to bring everyone back from the other dimension is one that goes under a lot of people’s radars. Call me biased because Johan is my favorite GX character, but I was really digging that duel. Like even without Rainbow Dragon, Johan was putting up a serious fight against Ryo with the way he used the Crystal Beasts. So I am forever salty that they could never revisit this duel (vs actual Johan, not Yubel). 

I get it, this duel served more as a preview for what was to come when we saw they would duel again. And Johan was barely in S4 and Ryo could hardly duel anymore given his heart condition. But for Ryo to have said that Johan had been the only one besides Judai to make him feel excited in a duel and who could have Judai’s unlimited potential...I think it would have been very very fun and exciting to watch, specially with Rainbow Dragon.

“Everyone’s dead....JUST KIDDING”

I know it’s a kids’ show, and it would have been extremely tough to follow another season without like 3/4 of the cast. But having everyone come back alive from the Hell Dimension felt like a bit of a cheap move that also makes some of Judai’s character development lose some significance. 

So everything he went through from the moment his friend’s died (becoming the Supreme King out of pure helplessness and desire for revenge, then coming back from that with a terrible, terrible case of PTSD basically leaving him unable to duel, coming to terms with everything he had done and learning to use the strength of the Supreme King without letting it overtake him), it was all for nothing? Then all the people the Supreme King killed are alive and well?

It also takes merit from the other characters’ themselves and the circumstances of their deaths. Kenzan, Manjoume, Asuka and Fubuki being sacrificed, victims treated as collateral damage to create a super powerful card, right in front of a collapsing Judai as their hearts were corrupted too. Jim and O’Brien (the two most emotional deaths in S3 for me), who sacrificed themselves to bring Judai back and bury the Supreme King away. Edo, who sacrificed himself to try and save Echo (who gave her life away for someone who took advantage of her feelings), and Ryo, who even though he said was only looking for the ultimate opponent, tried until the last minute in the duel to separate Yubel and Johan. Hell, Ryo basically died twice (because of his heart failure and losing the duel), yet he survived. 

As I said, I know the show would have been extremely hard to keep going. But it took away from the serious, dark story S3 was becoming. It takes away from Judai, and the ones who died because they all came back brand new. 

Reincarnation

It’s not that I didn’t like it, Reincarnation is a trope that I LOVE. But in GX we literally got it dropped on us out of absolutely nowhere. We literally had no clue Judai could have had a past life and that’s where his story with Yubel came from. 

Like idk, maybe some flashbacks or random shots of the Supreme King’s backstory (which wouldn’t make sense until we find out it’s Judai and would have made it pretty cool) would have made it better, IMO. 

PTSD? Only Judai can relate

Another thing that I found weird was how quickly everyone got over what happened in the Hell Dimension except for Judai. We can see he is depressed and dealing with the aftermath of what S3 did to him. But what about everyone else? Weren’t they supposed to be in like a dimension of pain and suffering even if they were alive? I am glad so many main characters got their time to shine in S4, but, as we wrapped each story, a nod to what happened to them in S3 would have been nice. It’s all part of the process of growing up, too, learning to deal and cope with out most painful moments.

S4: “Overseas champions? I don’t know them”

Yeah, so given the HUGE (LIKE REALLY HUGE) role the Overseas Champions played in S3, barely seeing them in S4 was a bit of a whiplash. I am glad we got O’Brien dueling Mr. T and him playing with his mind with false memories was heartbreaking yet super interesting to watch. But we got literally no Jim and Karen, at all. The guy gave his life and his supernatural eye to try to bring Judai back. I had hoped we would have at least seen some of him in S4. We literally have no idea what the hell happened to Amon, my theory is that he stayed in that other dimension to build his perfect world and become its Monarch. But we literally have no clue about what became of him. And did Echo come back, too? Is she with Amon in the other dimension?

And then we have Johan. Considering Judai went to basically Hell to rescue him, I thought we would see a bit more of him in S4. Like at least bidding each other farewell? You know “Thanks for rescuing my soul from my card and saving me from your eternal guardian who was corrupted by evil and almost ended the Universe as we know it”? No? Okay then. I am so so glad we got him in that Battle Royale against Fujiwara tho, that kind of made up for it :)

Edo’s fate

From the start we know Edo is one of those characters that know they are fucking amazing at what they do and make a point of it. He is at the top of the food chain. The young pro duelist, talented beyond his years (for Pegasus to say he was just below Yugi, Kaiba and Joey?!), rich, refined, confident and a bit arrogant. 

Then how is it that the last we see of him is receiving a direct attack from Ojama Yellow straight to the face? I know Manjoume was meant to win this duel, but it would have been great to see him summon Plasma and that Manjoume had summoned Armored Dragon, or maybe using the Ojamas with the Spell Cards to banish monsters from the field or to summon Ojama King. Like Edo didn’t even want to duel, it was all a scam from his former manager and they still made him go out like that :( I wanted a more epic goodbye duel for our Edo tbh.

Then again, I am biased because Edo is my second favorite character in GX.

Season 4 rushing

5D is very cool and all....BUT WHY DID THEY HAVE TO CUT GX SHORT FOR IT. 

S4 is so obviously rushed and for me it Darkness was a bit of an underwhelming villain after the AMAZING villain that Yubel was for S3. Fujiwara just popped out of nowhere and we got no development of him in comparison to Yubel or even Saio (I won’t say that of Mr. Chairman because he literally popped out of nowhere in S1). 

I just wished we had gotten a proper, full S4. More GX to fawn over.

Wow that was a lot of salt now I sound like I hater but I promise I love GX as much as Manjoume loves Asuka (lol).

[poloniumicecream]

i was tagged by @starryeyedagony​ and @hashbrownteamcobrakai​ for this absurdly long list of personal questions <3 no one could possibly need to know this much about me, but let’s go


1. what is the color of your hairbrush? i just... use my hand.... i keep my hair short, it curls and does its own thing

2. name a food you never eat: 
idk i’ll eat what’s offered to me?? i buy what’s easy?? i have no strong food opinions at the moment

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? i have this bird bone body like an ailing victorian child, anything under 70º and i’m freezing

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? was trying to be productive but instead found a good link to the blue lick horror house🙏 idk what’s so fascinating about this thing, but i can’t let it go. maybe bc i have nightmares that resemble this space?? anyway i live here now

5. what’s your favorite candy bar? reeses never lets me down

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? 
memories blocked, sports too boring to think about

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? i regret to admit i am reading this out loud as i go

8. what is your favorite ice cream? idk but the worst i ever had was peanut butter

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? some faintly bleachy tap water, delicious

10. do you like your wallet? i use a coin purse to hold cards and cash - it's a pretty recognizable bright colored mass produced one. a while back there was a popular celebrity on the periphery of my friend group (don’t ask pls) and one time at a bar or something i had my "wallet" out and from across the room they locked eyes with me and pulled the Same One out of their pocket. pretty sure it was weed tho. but imagine carrying ur weed in a normal bill-fold wallet. that would have been funnier :/

11. what is the last thing you ate? 
lost in the turbine of my memory

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? i did not but i just got a new desk lamp, genuinely v excited for that to arrive

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? 
i don't think this question applies to my experiences

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? popcorn smells are compelling but if i eat things that stick in my teeth i'll lose my entire mind. wait this is it, the answer to number 2

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? close inner circle group chat planning our surprise private island getaway. no but we’re making (safe!) halloween plans

16. ever been camping? not as often as usual this year but yes! see above

17. do you take vitamins? 
those gummy ones like fruit snacks

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? 
nah

19. do you have a tan? i'm ghostly

20. do you prefer Chinese or pizza? i'm pickier about pizza. u can't go wrong with chinese

21. do you drink your soda through a straw? no...?

22. what color socks do you usually wear? mostly dark but i have some fluffy pastel ones specifically bc the contrast in my laundry is funny to me

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? i'm gay i don't drive

24. what terrifies you? 
third date kind of question!

25. look to your left, what do you see? dying jade plants and beyond these, a cat's loving gaze

26. what chore do you hate most? 
vacuuming. loud

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? 
family

28. what’s your favorite soda? 
dr pepper only. i don't really drink soda tho. i was raised by the kind of parents who put fruit juice in seltzer and sold me that lie. i guess it stuck

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? there are so many food questions in this list pls

30. what’s your favorite number? 
secret information

31. who’s the last person you talked to? 
my father. probably the person i've spoken with out loud the most this year

32. favorite meat? i no longer eat meat

33. last song you listened to? it’s been a war on drugs kind of week

34. last book you read? 
i can't read

35. favorite day of the week? 
something cool about a thursday, i can't explain it

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? 
feeling very interrogated rn

37. how do you like your coffee? however it wants to be. i for real cannot supply food or beverage opinions like this on demand PLS

38. favorite pair of shoes? 
generic black leather lace up boots

39. time you normally get up? i'm drawing my shades and peering suspiciously outside through a crack rn

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? ok when ur out somewhere with no artificial light and it makes the sky more dramatic and cool, either one is good

41. how many blankets are on your bed? not enough, season transitions are rough

42. describe your kitchen plates? ... grandma is that u?

43. describe your kitchen at the moment: 
it's clean, it's fine, grandma get out of here

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? 
among the friends i drink with, one is a skilled bartender and we let him surprise us with whatever obscure drink he thinks each person should have that night. i would trust him with my life. conversely i just remembered my very best friend is also a bartender but him i wouldn’t let serve me anything except straight from the bottle. hm. what i’m trying to say is, the company i keep is more important to me than what's in the glass. should i also clarify i made these friends before they pursued this work and i’m not, like, frequenting bars to harass the staff? this answer is a mess lol

45. do you play cards? 
i don’t have a great attention span for learning or enduring things like that

46. what color is your car? 
u know what's funny is how much junk mail i get with car insurance offers. i wonder what color they think the car i've never had is

47. can you change a tire? 100% no and that would not stop me trying. it won’t be my car so i have nothing to lose and all of myself (also nothing) to give

48. your favorite state or province? idk i feel like a stranger everywhere i go except nyc

49. favorite job you’ve had? ok, mr. fbi i think that's enough

😔 i have not kept track of who’s been tagged or done this already, and the links will kill my tags anyway. do u have shit u need help procrastinating on? here, try this

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[stayforya]

I FOUND LOVE

member: felix lee

genre: summer love au!

words: 3.0k

summary: summer love can hurt a lot in the end, but it’s also the most fun. heartbreaks are worth it when the future comes.

a/n: I named this au after oh my girl’s song “I found love”. it’s a good song I really like, check it out if you want to :) hope you enjoy the au!

you used to travel for a couple weeks, but not one month or so

just quick trips to breathe fresh air and know new places

this time, your aunt invited you to visit her during summer on sydney, australia, where she had been living for years now

you only visited her once, when you were younger, but you didn’t remember much

you packed up your stuff, clothes to spend the whole month and got into the plane

sydney was as beautiful as ever

on summer, the blue sea looked brighter and the sun shined strongly

your aunt came to pick you up at the airport and on your way home you payed attention to every single place trying to bring back memories

“I’m happy to be back”, you said to your aunt

“and we’re happy you’re finally back. how many years have been since you came here?”

“I don’t have an idea...”

your cousins were there too and they guided you to the guest room

it was pretty nice and you finally remembered the last you were there

the big window looked like the frame for that beautiful view

it was still morning, and you couldn’t sleep on the plane, so you just took a long nap to recover after the flight

“wakey, wakey”, your aunt said when you came downstairs

“I think I slept way too much”

it was about 4pm

“that’s okay. the kids are going out to see the sunset, why don’t you go too?”

“hm, nice! I’ll get ready”

“but eat first, ok? you’ve been sleeping for hours!”

you made a sandwich with anything you found on the fridge

and then you and your cousins left

you guys drove to a beach close by

the sky was so pretty, it was the first thing you noticed when you arrived there

it was a mix of orange, yellow, pink, and the sun was starting to set

the golden hour is a blessing and you didn’t notice how much you enjoyed the feeling of being sunkissed during that hour until that moment

your cousins found some of their friends and they went to talk to them

you didn’t care about being alone for a while because staying still, sitting down there, watching the sunset was enough

golden hour was definitely your favourite

the weather was good, so you just stood there, sitting on the sand

your eyes were closed, still you could see the brightness

but it suddenly became dark 

did the sun set this fast?

you opened your eyes and there was someone standing right in front of you, looking at the sea, holding a surfboard

the first thing that came to your mind was stand up and sit somewhere else

but why? you were there first

the boy was talking to someone else, so you were kinda shy to ask him to move

“hey, excuse me”, where did the courage come from?

he turned to you, his friend too

he raised his eyebrows as if he was caught by surprise

“you guys are blocking the sun”

he looked at his friend and they giggled

“I’m sorry, I thought you wouldn’t mind”

you laughed, sarcastic, don’t giving him the attention he was seeking for

he moved to the side, with his friend

and both of them sat relatively close to you

you stood there undisturbed 

but then your cousins came back

“we brought you ice cream, but it’s already starting to melt”, she said

“oh thanks!”

the surfboard guy and his friend looked at you guys and then your cousins smiled

“hey, felix and hyunjin!”, your other cousin said

“wassup, mate!”, felix and hyunjin got up and greeted them

you were there, sat on the sand, watching that scene from below

“y/n, this are felix and hyunjin”

you nodded, “hi, again”

“felix lives in our neighborhood”

“by the way, can I come home with you guys?”, he asked directly

felix sounded like he had familiarity with your cousins and it was reciprocal

“y/n is the one driving today”, your cousin said

felix looked at you

he was against the light the sun was shining behind him

his hair was some blondish red hair so the light fitted perfectly

“so, can I go with you guys?”, his accent was pretty strong

“of course”

“great, thanks”, he said to you and then turned to your cousins, “do you guys want to learn some surfing movements?”

you finished your melted ice cream while watching them

and then went to walk for a while

that beach was perfect

the skies, the sea, everything was beautiful and you finally felt it

you missed australia so much

when you finally got back, your cousins, the felix guy and the hyunjin one were all in a group of people talking and laughing

felix saw you from afar, since he was the one looking at you when you were approaching

it was already dark, but the beach wasn’t getting any less crowded

“do you wanna go home now, y/n?”, your cousin came to you

“I’m okay, if you guys want to keep on chatting, I’ll walk a little bit more”, you smiled at her

her brother and her were having a good time, so you didn’t want to be the annoying one on your first day there

“we’re okay, we’re all meeting tomorrow morning to surf”

“you’re invited too, y/n”, hyunjin said

not that you didn’t notice before, but he was very good looking

“I think I’ll pass”, you smiled

“are you scared of the waves, y/n?”, felix voice was deep but he was smiling

he didn’t look old at all, how did his voice sound like a grown up man?

“not at all, felix. are you willing to teach me?”

lol

didn’t know where that came from, but you said that

the other people around made some noise, making fun of him

“come tomorrow, then”, he said

“let’s go home, kiddos”, you took the car keys out of your pocket

it felt good to compete with him

even though you didn’t know if it was okay, since you both just met

but he didn’t seem annoyed at all

he played along very well

your triumphal exit would be perfect, but you forgot he was coming with you guys

and for some unknown reason

your sweet cousins sat on the back seats

so felix sat on the front with you

you weren’t uncomfortable, but there was some implicit pressure 

he put the seat belt and looked at you, with a sassy cute smile 

you looked away trying to concentrate

you had to pay special attention to the traffic, since sydney’s could be a little different 

the route wasn’t long, tho, so in a couple minutes you were home without having to go through a lot of cars

“thanks, guys, see you tomorrow”, felix said when he jumped out of the car

your cousins said bye to him

then he looked at you

“goodbye, y/n. see you tomorrow?”

“that’s a good question”, you answered without a lot of enthusiasm

"I’m going, bye”, he pointed at his house

you just nodded and got into your aunt’s house

your summer just started and there was so much you were excited about

but at that moment, you just wanted to sit at the couch and watch some netflix with your family

ok, best night of sleep everrr

you slept like a baby and woke up in great mood

“good morning, sunshine”, your aunt said when you showed up at the kitchen

“morning”

“you look happy”

“I slept so well! that bed is seriously from heavens”

“I knew you’d like it”, she handed you some fruits and yogurt

“omg I thought I was late”, your cousin were still sleepy

“late for what, sweetie?”, your aunt asked her

“I’m going to the beach today”, she asked

“will your brother go with you? I’ll have to wake him up, then”

“yeah yeah, only this one here will stay home”, she pointed at you

“why don’t you go with them, y/n? when you came here for the first time, you even started to learn how to surf”

“are you serious? why don’t I remember this kind of stuff...”

“anyways, I’ll get ready and go”, your cousin said, mouth full of food

“okay, I’m coming with you”

she jumped in excitement and ran to her room

you weren’t even late, but almost everyone was already there when you guys arrived

the hyunjin guy, other people

and oh, of course, the felix one

you just didn’t want to look at him so he wouldn’t give you the “oh-oh, look who’s here!” look

plus, everyone had their own surfboard

except you, of course

they were already getting into the water and you just put your earphones to relax under the sun

a few minutes later, a soaked felix shows up by your side

you immediately take off your earphones

“so, did you come just to listen to music while we have fun?”

“excuse me? I’m also having fun”

“come on, y/n, let me teach you how to surf”, he offered his hand

“what?”, you laughed, “I wasn’t born for this”

“well, we all are. cause it’s about practice too”

you looked at him

“why do you care...”, you asked softly so it wouldn’t come out rude

he smiled

“cause you’re nice. and I like that”, he got up, “come on, let’s learn”

you could ignore and let him stand there

but you didn’t

cause deep down you wanted to go have fun with them

and if felix was willing to teach you, then why not?

so you grabbed his hand and let him bring you up

felix was nice

his big smile when you did the wrong thing made you smile too

oh and he had freckles

you didn’t notice before

he was handsome

there was something about him that exceeded the level of physical beauty

he was likeable and in a short amount of time you felt that

“oh yes, yes! you’re doing great!”, he said when you did it right for the first time

because of the incentive, you did it right again, and again...

“ok, you can go into the water already”

“what?”, you asked

“don’t you wanna try? oh, you don’t know how to swim?”, he seemed worried

“I swim, it’s just that I’m not confident about being on top of this”, you pointed to the surfboard

“come on, you’re good. I’m here with you, let’s go”

for a moment you even forgot the whole group that was also there

because felix was paying so much attention to you and so focused on teaching you that, for a moment, the beach was empty for you

but it was actually pretty crowded

you went to sydney to have fun, take a break from your busy life and relax

that’s why you were really enjoying it

you were out and about with your cousins

went shopping with your aunt

visited places around

and, of course, started to go surfing with your cousin’s crew

which included felix

the way he talked to you was different

but you couldn’t tell if you were misunderstanding

because he was so nice to everybody

he was always there to everyone

so maybe what he did to you was just him being himself?

it was confusing, but who cares

you’d be coming home in a couple weeks, after all

after you all hang out with the crew, you were driving home with your cousins and felix, who lived close by

your cousins quickly got out the car

but felix was still there, doing something on his phone

so you looked at him, waiting for him to leave

“we are already home”

“oh”, he looked around, “sorry”

you both took off the seat belt

he was already opening the door and then stopped

“y/n...”

dang it, what was it now...

“hm?”, you acted like you weren’t even paying attention

“do you wanna go out? like, with me?”

eh?

he was pretty straightforward

“where?”

what kind of answer is this???

“hm, I don’t know”, he smiled

for the first time he was shy

and that was cute

“okay”

“are you... accepting?”

you smiled

“yeah, let’s go anywhere”

his beautiful eyes expressed the feeling his lips couldn’t say

“tomorrow?”

you nodded

“see ya”, he got out the car

looking at yourself in the rearview mirror

you couldn’t say if it was the sunkissed skin

or the moment that just happened

but your cheeks were blushing

next day

you dressed up nicely, but not too much

it was a pretty sunny day

and very hot

felix told you to meet him in an ice cream shop close to the beach

you started to think it wasn’t a date cause you both didn’t even go together

but it somehow made you feel less nervous

the sun was shining so bright, everybody was having a nice time at the beach 

when you caught sight of the ice cream shop, you started to walk towards there

the big glass wall definitely made felix see you

and you saw him too

you both couldn’t help but smile at the same time

ugh, his smile was the cutest!

the way his lips widened when he saw you

all his face was smiling and you felt yours heating up

maybe the weather, but maybe because of him

you got there and he came to you

“hey”, you said, sitting down

“hi, you look... gorgeous”, he looked at you

“don’t make me shy”, you glanced at him

“so, do you want ice cream?”

“yeah, definitely, it’s so hot outside”

“hmm... I have a place to show you. but if it’s too hot outside we can...”

“what? it’s not hot at all”, you joked

he laughed

whenever he laughed, your heart felt something

it was good to say something funny and make him smile

so you both bought your ice creams

getting out of the ice cream shop, the thermal shock was real

inside the shop was cool but outside it was very hot

you just kept walking while eating your melted ice cream

you two were walking and talking and observing the place

being with him felt light

you laughed easily and he had a nice way of speaking and noticing things

“so you’re going back in a few days, right?”

“it feels so close when you say 'few days’, but yes”, you looked down

“I’m sure we still have time left”, he let the words come out and posed there with his innocent face

you just wanted to hug him at that moment cause dang it

how could a boy look like an adult and a baby at the same time?

he really knew how to be cute when he wanted to

“don’t look at me like this, but of course I want to spend more time with you”, you said

nothing to lose here, right?

“we’re here”

finally found the place he wanted to show you

it was a more private part of the beach

some rocks around and waves crashing quietly

wow

the fresh air

you noticed felix getting closer, hands on his pocket, a little bit shy as you could tell

“why did you bring me here?”, you asked, turning to him

he looked at the horizon

“I want you to remember this when you go back home”

“this?”

“this place. and me.”

the wind hit your faces

your hair got messed up and he tried to take it out from your face so he could look at you completely

“you know what... meeting you was so unexpected. but it was the highlight of my trip”

he smiled

“it’s not like your going away tomorrow, but I wasn’t sure if we would have more time alone”, he said, “and I needed to spend time with you. only with you”

“and we’re here”

“yeah, we’re here”

your voices were getting lower as you got closer to each other

“y/n”

“yes?”

“can I...”, his fingers touched your cheeks, close to your lips

you didn’t wait

you just kissed him

his pink colored lips felt just like cherry

soft, sweet

you knew he waited for that by the way he kissed you

and of course, he knew how much you waited too

waiting until now to finally let the feelings come out could have been a waste of time, but not if you think of it as a beginning

it didn’t matter if you were going back home in a few days

you wouldn’t forget him

even if you didn’t feel the same when you visit sydney again

even if he didn’t

thinking about the future makes us all so anxious, so let it be

the world stopped for you two

time stopped for that moment

his little smiles while kissing you were obvious

you couldn’t help but do the same

the present with felix was your present

no need to think about how to deal with future

“does any other thing matter right now?”, he asked you

still very close

“no”, you smiled at him

“hey, y/n”, he stroked your hair, “I won’t forget this”

“what about this?”, you kissed his lips again

you both were too immersed in that kiss

you didn’t want to get out of your own little world in a special place in the middle of that beach

“be with me tomorrow”, he gave you a little kiss, “and after tomorrow”, another one

“yes”, you giggled

“hm... you taste like vanilla”

“it was just the ice cream”

“come on, it was good”

“ya, felix!”, you slapped his arm, joking

you both held hands and started to walk 

letting the water reach your feet

and playing like two kids around there

“y/n”

“what?”

“catch me if you can”

“are you kidding?”

“catch me if you want a kiss”

“well, I won’t run after you”, you crossed your arms and acted as if you didn’t care

when he stopped running and came back to you, it was your chance

“you catch me!”, you started to run fast

he did the same so he caught you

by your waist

and he pulled you inside a hug where you could see his face so closely

and again, the end of summer break didn’t matter

it would come, but it didn’t matter

not at that moment

not when you were with felix

[szopenhauer]

Is it easy to find a job in your preferred field in your hometown?           preferred field *chuckle*

Ladies: Would you ever consider proposing? If not, why not? Gentlemen: How would you feel, if you were proposed to?     yes, I have an idea

Have you ever played the original Mass Effect trilogy?           I haven’t

If so, which Shepard and who do you like romancing the best? -             

Let’s say there’s a person in need. They need money which they can’t make. Would you be more likely to help them out, if a celebrity asked you to?       celebs should help them, not me, I need help myself!

When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Or do you always try out something new? usually

Would you rather live next to a kindergarten or an old folks’ home?       old folks’ home for sure

What is the best part of your most ordinary day?   sleeping :x

Do you enjoy being on your own or are you happier when there’s a crowd around you?           I’m a loner/introvert

Do you ever look up what foreign idioms mean?     yep

What’s the strangest saying you’ve come across? I don’t recall atm

What’s a First World problem that you have?         hmm...

Have you ever made a parody version of a popular song?     me and my sister were doing puppet shows for our parents, mostly her ideas as she was forcing me to perform those until I got sick of that

Which game did you play the most as a kid during recess? nie bawiłam się w większość gier przez brak zdrowia, ale lubiłam plac z huśtawkami czy drabinkami, albo udawać rodzinę/dom i te fajne białe “krateczki” z kolorowymi “guziczkami” co jak się je wpinało w dziurki to układało się z nich obrazki (nie pamiętam nazwy)

Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? there isn’t

Does your mother annoy you when the holidays come along in the year? my mom annoys me all the time lol Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? I’m too short but I manage and still some ppl sometimes ask me for help anyway Do you check the texture of things first or the smell of them? used to smell them but now just texture Have you ever broken the arm or head off of a figurine? How did you do this? I’m no Chunk :P

Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? I wouldn’t do that on purpose but I don’t believe in most of the superstitions, luckily there are some things you can do to avoid bad luck like throw salt over your shoulder or knock on non painted wooden thingy etc. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bi polar all the time? I’m sick of ppl who use mental and physical illnesses as excuses when they don’t have them - single headache ain’t a migraine nor being an ass makes you a border, shut up! Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you?  more than once Do you like those ‘end of the world,’ ‘Armageddon’ movies? some are good, some not Ever been choked severely on something? just a feather Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? several like monkey, raccoon or cat Ever been in one of those church Christmas plays before? Why/why not? I didn’t participate but I watched/looked at them when I was younger Have you ever thrown a roll of toilet paper at someone before? ... why? Have you ever found yourself talking to an inanimate object? at times I talk to my computer (because I hate it so we argue), kettle and fridge, also my stuffed animals of course Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: penis Ever think of what it would be like to be a mermaid or merman? I thought and I wouldn’t like it besides maybe finding some cool stuff that drown  What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? creators lack imagination, they ask the same stuff over and over again, it’s boring What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? red Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows? noooo Do you like drawing smiley faces or do you think they’re overrated? rarely and I’m ashamed of that tbh Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? hell no but I’m not that bad at it Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at? I have good memory when it comes to that most of the time - not counting my green scissors grrrr Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like? Archelan - Christmas themed and fuzzy  Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because? not as often as I’d like to? Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at nighttime? raped, killed or robbed more likely Do you like showers or baths better? Why did you choose your choice? baths as I like to sit and I don’t like the glass nor have water over my head  Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose others? it seems Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for? nah, I dislike surprises and there weren’t opportunities/possibilities to do that Do you tap fingernails on desks? hardly ever Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? vocalist (who can play instruments) but I have no talent but don’t worry, it was a childish dream that fade away when I found out more about live of a band member Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? nope, we don’t talk, just say HI if anything  Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? yep Do you ever had to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? camp When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this? we’ll see, covid situation isn’t helpful and I can’t focus on books lately Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always? I treat them how they treat me (not authority figures/dangerous ppl tho) Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? sweet and quiet Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot? I don’t like to but I still end up arguing, sigh... How do you make sure people know you don’t like them at all? avoid them, block them, ignore them fight with them when they don’t stay away (not physically yet)

How much was the cell phone you have at this moment in time? about 200 PLN  What would you do if you woke up randomly with purple hair? cool but wonder how that happened What color is the closest desk to your body? What all is on it? ugly light brown with shitload of stuff The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? gonna have it soon so don’t remind me Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? aliens tried to abduct me in dreams but didn’t succeed ha!  What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white Do you like people who are loud or people who are quiet? not too tiring but not completely silent either Does personality weigh out the sense of ‘good looks?’ look is important but not as much as personality for sure, it’s like 1:9 I think Do you hate it when people copy the things you do? could say so Has anyone ever told you that you’re good at cooking? r u kidding?... Do you have any enemies who you think are dangerous? anyone can be Do you ever try to squeeze information out of people? Konrad once told me I’m like a private detective about it because I’m so sneaky they don’t realize until it’s too late but I sadly forget infos quickly due to stress last months so it’s not as useful as it sounds Does it freak you out when the police drive/walk by? somehow Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? I don’t drive Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? I had a friend who was a firefighter

Have you ever woken up to a good morning letter beside you? left in the kitchen but informative like - I went there or feed the dog etc. Would you ever get your nails done? I can do them myself if I ever want to

Are you afraid of worms? maggots Do you wear rings on your thumb? why not How many shirts of yours are red? less than 5 Does the color red look good on you? my first therapist told me I should wear it to be more brave but it causes anger in me so I prefer not to Do you pray before every meal? Sunday lunch with parents Have you ever been caught cheating on a test? not caught but been cheating in high school How many white tank tops do you own? 0? Do loud people bother you? omg YES Does your head itch? not currently but frequently Do you know anyone named John? my ex friend had a nickname like this Have you ever tried the cinnamon challenge? I’m not stupid Are you a fast runner? like Gimli Did you ever want a pet rabbit? no way

Do you ever want to own a house? apartment more likely How do you feel about men? blergh Do you know any police officers? my neighbor was a police officer Have you ever signed a petition? lots Have you ever aspired to start your own business? I wish Who is the oldest person living in the same building as you? mom The youngest? me Would you rather pay with cash or card? cash, cards make me nervous Have you ever used a pager? I have not Do you like visiting the beach? beachcombing is fun Do you like to buy things? but not spend money lmfao Have you ever been in a polygamous relationship? I didn’t know that I apparently am - jk Is there anyone you haven’t spoken to in a long time but you still think about daily? my grandma for example Would you like to be rich? not filthy, having enough money to live and not barely survive

have you ever behaved like a stalker? *crickets* can you lie and keep a straight face? poker face game strong when situation calls for it

have you ever feared for somebody else’s life? especially dad’s do you prefer honesty, even when it hurts? hard to tell if you could pick your own pet name, what would it be? picked my dog’s  have you ever masturbated while driving? wtf, don’t do that, gross how do you feel when someone takes the last of something? without asking? *cringe* how do you feel when people tell you “bless you” when you sneeze? thank you unless I sneeze many times in a row and they bless me every single time - then it’s annoying what are you supposed to say when somebody coughs? r u ok? have you ever committed a violent crime because of a video game or rap song? who said I play/listen to those? have you ever actually overheard one of your friends talking shit about you? possibly how many partners is too many? at once or in your entire life? do you believe that wearing an aluminum foil hat will stop the government from reading your thoughts? that reminds me of the RED movie XD

would you rather have a hook for a hand or a peg leg? peg leg 100% elseway I’d end up with an eye cover as well if you know what I mean bonus points for/to being a pirate tho how close does someone have to be for you to feel obligated to wait and hold the door for them? either right behind me or carry heavy/big load do you examine the tissue after you blow your nose? for example when I worry about it bleeding  what is your cure for the hiccups? wait

Do you miss Brittany Murphy’s appearance in films? awwww she was such a good actress RIP

Is Christmas stressful? to me it is but I’m stressed 24/7

Do you make your own smoothies or juices? meh

Do you think time really does heal all? NO

Are you more sensitive to heat or the cold? cold

Did you care at all when Steve Jobs died? ... he died?

Has anyone searched your room for anything recently? my mother for dirty laundry

When do you decorate for Christmas? as soon as possible

Would you be cool with wearing sweatpants to the grocery store? yes

Have you ever been pranked via a hidden camera? am glad that didn’t happen 

Do you know any of those people who are depressed during the winter? I’m depressed year round

If a job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave? if I can change it without ending up on the street then I leave

How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better? nothing? Who is a person that you don’t like yet you spend time with? my family member[s] How is your relationship with money? we don’t see each other as often as I’d like to ;) get it?  How do you feel about growing old someday? won’t live that long

Are you wearing two shirts? too hot for that Have you ever owned the socks with toes on them? disgusting! Can you point out constellations in the night sky? I can not What was your favorite part about studying ancient Greeks and Romans? not interested What’s the last thing you bought at a mall? food, antibacterial gel and a blanket

Is there someone who you can turn to for money and not be ashamed? parents but I’ll feel crappy about it  Have you ever swam in a river? as a child Are there any dirty clothes underneathe your bed? ewww seriously?  What food do you love the smell of while it’s cooking? smells make me sick In what month do you start Christmas shopping? I seek presents whole year then store them for later Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity of the same sex? as a lesbian What kind of flowers would you plant in your garden? bushes, grass, moss and trees, wild flowers, if they want to grow, can stay  Do you believe that kids should be taught abstinence? I agree When’s the next time you’ll go to the grocery store? not in next weeks

Where’s your car keys? not applicable Did you keep any momentos of school dances? pics Do you still have clothes from your high school? and middle school  Do you think you could do better drawings than Napolean Dynamite? this question...

Do you own anything skull print? had a shirt that I gave to John ages ago Who are the three people you consider yourself closest to? parents and my gf Which ex of yours means the most to you? my partner as we’re back together Have you taken prescription medications that didn’t belong to you? oh well... How are your social skills? awkward Have you ever stayed at a hotel for longer than two months? I’m poor Do you ever go outside to look at the stars? there were some days in past summers when me and dad been going to stadium for a walk at night, that’s when and where we saw UFO  Who breaks away from the kiss first? she as she forgets to breathe  Do you know what you weigh? thx for a reminder - they’ll ask in hospital Have you ever smoked anything other than tobacco? one cigarette was all that I smoked in me life Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle? nope Do you say koala bear or simply koala? koala  Do you usually travel anywhere in the winter? I’d freeze brrr Do you wait for someone else to take the garbage out when it’s full? we take turns Are most of your friends white? it’s not America so...

Does your hair reach your boobs? not even my shoulders

What’s something that fills you with anxiety? what doesn’t?...

What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? there’s no expiration date

Have you ever watched Bob’s Burgers? fragments

Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? I wasn’t that much of a note passer 

Do you know anyone who is afraid of horses? nah

Do you clean things that are already clean when you’re bored? tha hell?...

Would you rather live in a tropical or arctic climate? tropical

What do you do when someone overweight complains about being overweight? I say it’s important to be healthy but weight isn’t always a sign of being ill

Is there any Irish, Scottish, or Danish in your heritage? none that I know of

Do you find Asians attractive? yes and no

Have either of your parents ever been to jail? nooooo

Keep Calm and Carry On or Screw Calm and Get Angry? there’s time for one of each?

Do you think Urban Outfitters is overpriced? like every other similar store 

Are your colarbones prominent? yeah

Have you ever in your life worn overalls? I have indeed

How did you react when you heard Whitney Houston had died? sorry but I didn’t care

Do you think Helena Bonham Carter is attractive? she is

Would you rather listen to Dolly Parton or Dusty Springfield? Dolly

Are you watching The Walking Dead? I’m scared of zombies and gore 

Are you a light sleeper? became lighter

Would you consider cuddling cheating? it’s complicated

What does the purse/bag you last used look like? it’s black with red embroidery and white beads

Can you make a clover with your tongue? impossible

What’s your favorite coffee brand/flavor? I don’t drink coffee

Is your belly button pierced? no piercings!

[flusteredmountainman]

Since a bitch got sent one (1) ask only about. my ask meme that I created lol I’m going to go through and answer B) all of them bc i can... its selfcare.....

First 3 answers above the cut, other 47 below lmfao

Favourite of the main 6? I think the title of my blog speaks for itself lol

Least favourite of the main 6? Garbage stink piss man (Lucio)

Which of the main 6 do you want to slap the most? The aforementioned piss man but.... also kjaenfjkfea at times. Julian very badly because he’s just Like that but he’d probably enjoy that unfortunately

^

^

^

Which of the main 6 have the most similar interests to you? (favourite colour, flower, food, drink, season, hobbies etc.) Portia tbh!!! She’s a very sweet spring girl and I also have a fairly similar personality to her. 

Who has the most tragic backstory? Mmmm.....muriel.......... I mean everyone has a pretty sad past but Muriel’s really is something else. The man is Heavily traumatised and I desperately want to give him a hug :(

Favourite side character? Mazelinka.... adopt me challenge kjaefkjnaf. i cant stop thinking about “goat bitch” what a fucking icon

Favourite animal friend?  Faust!!!! shes a good girl!!!

Best/worst of the courtiers? fuck i dont remember any of their names but valerius is. hot basard. worst is vlastomil hands down im kinkshaming anyone who wants to fuck the worm

Fuck, marry, kill (asker’s choice) Well skajfnkajf I’ve shot myself in the foot but. TBH its like. Marry Muriel, fuck everyone else, kill Lucio (full disclosure I only just finished julians upright ending and haven’t played Nadia’s yet so this may change except for wanting to marry Muriel and kill Lucio lol)

Romance or fluff? (Muriel) Fluff!!!!! Muriel deserves all the affection in the whole wide world. He gets sick? Bundle him up in furs by the fire and cuddle up into him with a good book. You look at him once? he blushes. it really doesnt get fluffier than that ++ a lot of his character arc in general is going to be.... letting himself trust you............. which is. so fucking wholesome

Wild night out or quiet night in? ( Muriel ) Quiet night in lmfao. We’d just hang out inside drinking hot chocolate and talking until we fell asleep propped up against the wall in his tiny house having completely lost track of time. 

Adventure or domesticity? ( Muriel ) I wanna say adventure because. I love travelling! I love going out and trying new things! And Muriel very does Not but I feel like getting him out of his comfort zone would do him some good! Starting small would probably be best, like maybe a tramp or going camping once in a while, then building up to bigger trips to other cities once you’ve convinced him you’ll both be ok as long as you’re prepared.

Cute date to the aquarium/zoo/park or elegant dinner date? ( Muriel ) I already answered this one B) I said: “ Definitely somewhere casual!!! I feel like he’d be most at ease somewhere like the park on a sunny day! Pick a nice grassy spot by a creek and bring a basket and have a really nice, chill picnic, and have a nap together in the early afternoon sun. Go for a walk after and talk about Plants (because i. am a biology student lol)  and generally just have a really relaxing time. Give the man a flower? Tuck it behind his ear? and he’d die kjnaefjnaej. Alternatively….. aquarium………. “

Coffeshop AU, high-school/college AU or modern AU? Give a headcanon about the one you chose jnakfjkjaf coffe shop AUs are so cliched but I actually love them for the settings of meetcutes. You meet Muriel when he’s on his rounds as a part time dog walker around the block and you barrel straight into him coming out of the shop when you’re checking an email, spilling the (now cold) remnants of your beverage all over him. You apologise profusely and he shrugs it off, blushing over your fussing and awkwardly tries to excuse himself. You insist on helping him finish his walk with All these dogs, anyway, you like dogs so it’s no trouble, and he begrudgingly agrees to finish the interaction sooner. You end up having a nice chat with him and notice in the weeks after that he starts coming by the shop without the dogs during the times you’re usually around, even though he doesn’t drink coffee. Your conversations with him during these short interludes quickly become the highlight of your day, and you start to suspect, eventually, that he feels the same :)

If (Muriel) turned up on your doorstep at midnight covered in blood, how would you react? Well I’d clean it off.... of .......course............. 👀👀👀

You’re stranded on a desert island; which 2 of the main 6 do you want with you? Muriel of course not only because I adore him but he’s. also a mountain man. Handy. And Asra because hes a good good magic boy and can make sand into water so.... handy. also asra is just an incredibly blessed person so kajefnkjaef

If your apprentice could go back in time and change one thing before the events of the game, what would it be? lucios birth :^)

You’re sick; who do you want to take care of you and why? I think I’m becoming predictable but. Muriel kjaefnkjafnjf you took such good care of him so it’s only fair that he should return the favour. He’s got a surprisingly good bedside manner and is generally just very gentle. Cooks eggs and grumbles that you should be taking better care of yourself but when you say thanks for all his help he blushes and kinda. stands up slightly straighter bc hes secretly happy he can Help

If you were trapped in an elevator with one character for 8 hours, who would you want it to be and why? Jojaefafjoafe ok so. Porbably Portia because she seems 1. one of the least likely to panic and 2. Would have fucking great conversation the whole time. 

Give a headcanon about Nadia She loves romcoms!!!! She would never ever admit it to anyone though, but she’s a huge sucker for romance stories in general. Cries at the end of mamma mia. Uses it as an excuse to snuggle all the way into your shoulder.

Give a headcanon about Asra He’s extremely lactose intolerant but he eats it anyway bc hes Chaotic and gives 0 fucks about how bad his guts feel afterwards, the cheese was Worth it dammit (and I say this bc thats also me kjaenfnef)

Give a headcanon about Julian Had a brief stint in his teen years where he unironically identified as sapiosexual

Give a headcanon about Portia She loves playing with hair/having her hair played with! Catch her falling asleep with her head in your lap as you weave your fingers through her hair.

Give a headcanon about Muriel I also already answered this one!:  “ He’d be really into gardening if he knew how! Catch me digging up all the dirt around his house and planting herbs, flowers (*cough* forgetmenots *cough) and other medicinal plants, and some strawberries for when spring comes! “

Give a headcanon about Lucio Unironically identifies as sapiosexual now even though he’s a huge dumbass himself 

Give a headcanon about a side character/the apprentice (asker’s choice) Nadia’s dad gets pegged

Give a popular opinion that you disagree with People calling Muriel a dom. have you. looked at this man. I have to laugh

Give an unpopular opinion Lucio sucks lol

Tarot or zodiac? Zodiac!!! Mostly bc I know exactly 0 things about tarot, I appreciate the aesthetic tho!

What is your patron major arcana? Oh worm I just looked at all the explanations in the wiki and tbh. The empress uh. dragged me with how much I ID with that (both reversed and upright) so akejfkjfae thats mine

Upright or reversed ending? Upright

Ot3? Me x muriel x asra (muriel has 2 hands and 2 tiny partners)

Brotp? jakjefnkanfe i love. portia and julians sibling banter. the good shit

Favourite non-apprentice-based ship? asriel............................. till i die............. (pordia is also fucking god tier)

Is the apprentice you, or your OC? thats just me bich kajefnkjnafe we living our best self indulgent lives 

Tell me about your Apprentice(s) im a big bi mess and i would die for muriel and thats it really

Favourite piece of worldbuilding lore? already answered: “ I really love how much of a shithole Vesuvia is kjbanefknaefk like. No formal process of trial/law? Public executions just being how people Do things? someone fucking help this city lmfao”

Favourite background/location? ok i really love nopal bc of all the cacti but tbh like. really anywhere theres a lot of cool nature? the forest is fucking good

The Forest or Nopal? bring the cacti from nopal to muriel’s hut in the forest and it’s perfect

The Palace or the shop? thheeee shop. i like the palace but i think id get Overwhelmed not being able to just. be in my own space a lot lol

The Rowdy raven or the library? the library with a healthy amount of alcohol lol. 

Favourite sprite?

43. Favourite character design?  I !!!!!!!!! really. love Asra’s design bc of its howl callback but all the designs r fucking cool 44. Best masquerade outfit?    Nadia’s..... glamorous..... 45. Best scene? Muriel. hugging. faust you and asra. hes so fucking wholesome ill cry...... or just straight up both of his books akjenfkjafn 46. Worst Scene? Honestly any containing lucio 47. Favourite song on the soundtrack? I love Crowd hammer! (predictable) but also memory 48. Best tale/bonus content? I dont remember names im terrible but i/ love the muriel one ofc kjneafkjn 49. Best CG?/ 50. Favourite memory?

[homebrewdtyrant]

EDH Overview: Demigod Cycle

Gonna take a look at the cycle of “Demigod” creatures from the Shadowmoor/Eventide sets and evaluate the potential of each creature in the EDH format and which decks would want them. Keep in mind, yes, I do realize these creatures have 5 hybrid mana in their costs and that can be very restrictive but I’m going to look past this and just evaluate the cards themselves.  Let us begin!

Deity of Scars: A five mana 5/5 with Trample is already off to a good start. Add in the fact that you can Regenerate the Deity twice while growing it each time makes this creature incredibly hard to kill and a big threat. I see this card fitting into Hapatra, Vizier of Poison very well. Upon Deity etb with Hapatra on the field you get two 1/1 Deathtouch Snake tokens right off the bat. Being able to load on -1/-1 counters for repeatable Regeneration and more Snakes is just value-town. 

Ghastlord of Fugue: Five mana 4/4 that cannot be blocked=Great. Said unblockable creature that lets you reveal an opponent’s hand upon hitting them and exile ANY card from it= Very Great. Ghastlord of Fugue is a creature that demands answering before it’s able to attack. Not only can it not be blocked but it will reveal their whole hand to everyone playing and you get their best card exiled from it. It’s also not restricted by “non-land” or “non-creature”, it can be any card that your opponent has been holding onto. I hope they don’t mind it being in exile now. For Commanders that want this card, any deck that needs hand hate and consistent unblockable damage in on your opponents really wants this creature. Yuriko, the Tiger’s Shadow comes to mind. Also any deck that can afford to combo off on their second main phase. Have the Ghastlord eat some removal or let it hit and clear their hand of anything that can stop you. 

Oversoul of Dusk: Five mana 5/5 with Protection from blue, from black, and from red.... So pretty much any spot removal besides the white exile cards can’t touch this creature. Very dependent on your meta but I really enjoyed this creature as a back up beat stick in Sigarda, Host of Herons, Karametra, God of the Harvest and Mirri, Weatherlight Duelist. The Oversoul’s power lies in combat so we need to utilize that, either in the offense or defense. 

Godhead of Awe: Five mana 4/4 with Flying passes the vanilla test. Making all other creatures into 1/1′s is just icing on the cake. Now mind you, this will turn all your creatures into 1/1 creatures along with your opponents’, but the power of this creature can’t be underestimated. In Esper colors you have access to shrivel type effects with black, and let’s not forget our dear Elesh Norn. Nasty. I would run Godhead in any prison style deck that needs to shrink attackers to slow down the tempo of battle to give you time to set up. 

Deus of Calamity: Five mana 6/6 with Trample that lets you blow up a land upon hitting an opponent with more than 6 damage from the Deus... eeehhh. Not bad, needs some work. Giving this creature Flying, Doublestrike and/or Menace makes it much more powerful and impactful. Borborygmos, Ruric-Thar Unbowed, Gahiji, Honored One, Mayael the Anima, Stonebrow, Krosan Hero and Xenagos, God of Revels could happily house this creature. You need Deus to hit with 6 or more combat damage to trigger its land destruction effect. Deus of Calamity will eat chump blockers for days until it is answered or starts wiping your opponents lands out. 

Divinity of Pride: A five mana 4/4 with Flying and Lifelink (okay, really good stats) that has the potential to become and 8/8 if you’re even just playing Commander. We start the game at 40 life (usually, I know some games and online start at 30 life) but imagine... you’re still at 32 life and for five hybrid white/black mana you get an 8/8 Flying and Lifelink creature... amazing and scary at the same time. As long as Divinity can keep getting in damage it will never drop below the threshold to not be an 8/8. Any EDH commander that cares about life gain will want to run Divinity like Ayli, Eternal Pilgrim, Karlov of the Ghost Council, Vona, Butcher of Magan, Oloro, Ageless Ascetic and Licia, Sanguine Tribune. 

Demigod of Revenge: Uhm... Don’t run this card lol Maybe in some aggro Rakdos colored deck this could be useful as a Flying hasty 5/4. But I wouldn’t run it. If your creatures do get counterspell locked out of the game, this does evade some counterspells if your opponent isn’t mindful of timing with the counterspell. As I have come to understand it, Demigod’s ability triggers on cast. If the opponent counters Demigod before the ability resolves on the stack, the Demigod will go to the graveyard after being countered, then it’s ability will trigger and return it to the field. This can be nullified tho if the opponent says “after the on cast trigger of Demigod resolves I cast ‘counterspell’.” So run this card at your own risk... or if you need to turn on Mogis, God of Slaughter’s devotion. 

Dominus of Fealty: Five mana 4/4 with Flying. We’ve seen this before in the rest of the cycle, it’s good. Free Act of Treason effect during our upkeep is situational but extremely game altering. For starters, Dominus can steal ANY permanent including lands. Don’t worry about missing that land drop, just borrow it from an opponent. And if they tap it in response to you stealing it, you still get to untap it and use it for yourself. Dominus also stops your opponents from playing any threats as no matter what they play, if its a permanent, you can steal it. This creature demands an answer if your opponents wish to play the game. You can also Ghostly Flicker your stolen permanent and an Archaeomancer to permanently steal your opponents board turn by turn... Let that sink in, I’ll wait. 

Overbeing of Myth: Five mana for a */* creature whos power and toughness are equal to the cards in your hand is fair. Delicate but fair. Giving you an additional card draw during your draw step is very nice and powerful. Also being in the colors of card draw means that Overbeing can be a monster in the right conditions. I pair Overbeing of Myth with commanders like Kruphix, God of Horizons, Kydele, Chosen of Kruphix, and Tishana, Voice of Thunder. Maybe Riku of Two Reflections just because you can copy the Overbeing for more card draw and beats. 

Nobilis of War: The most aggro of the Demigod cycle. Five mana for a 3/4 Flying creature... meh. Giving a +2/+0 bonus to all attacking creatures you control is what makes this card amazing. Boros has long been the stereotypical colors of tiny white weenie attack attack ATTACK! This card is no different but it gives you a great reward for attacking and pumps your small 1/1 tokens or creatures into 3/1′s and 3/1′s trade with a lot more than 1/1′s would. I run Nobilis in decks that rely heavily on combat like Gahiji, Honored One, Iroas, God of Victory, Aurelia the Warleader, Tajic, Legion’s Edge, and any go wide strategy decks. 

I really enjoyed making this review of the Demigod cycle and had a blast going down memory lane with some of these cards. If I missed anything that you, my followers, would like to share or point out, feel free to let me know! I make these lists and reviews for y’all. I think I’m gonna try and cover the Liege cycles next in my next cycle review. Auntie Sidisi loves you all, and don’t let anyone ever tell you any different. Until next time my sweets, this is BrewdTyrant, signing out. 

[readbythestarlight]

c2e36

So this will be 10 episodes since the one where we lost Molly. Just throwing that out there.

Also it’s apparently my 9 (NEIN) month anniversary for being subbed to G&S which means it’s also my 9 month anniversary for watching CR and also the show has been going for 9 months as of the 11th so. That’s cool.

I like that jacket, Sam.

Broadway advert lol

“Andrew Loyd Website”

“I could have backed up all night” and “I’ve grown accustomed to her encryption” I’m dead

Okay that was hands down Sam’s best ad he’s so goddamn creative

NEW YORK NEW YORK I’m so excited I loved the last live show

A SLEEVES ARE BULLSHIT SHIRT?!

I need it

Oh wait it doesn’t actually say sleeves are bullshit

I still love the shirt tho and I want one

And the bumper sticker

“It makes it sound bad when you say it like that” guys it WAS bad xD

Poor Caduceus is having an Experience

Cad: “You keep leaving”

Y: “They keep finding me”

Cad: “I think you might have the right idea”

THE FUCK? NO

guys you need to convince Caduceus to sTAY

HE’S ALIVE?!

HE HAS AN AXE IN HIS HEAD

Oh no don’t get Cad he’s sad and tired right now

I mean y’all almost left him behind which was crummy

Caleb really wanted to yank that axe out

Also how does healing work? Like does the guy have permanent brain damage in the are where the axe wrecked now? If it had hit somewhere vital to like, say, memory, would his memory be gone? Enquiring minds want to know.

When Caleb tries to be intimidating it both makes me laugh but also freaks me out a little

I LOVE when Matt has cool props

So does Travis lol

J: “Have you heard of THE Traveler”

Galen: “….Oh no not another one”

Nott and Jester building up Galen like “no no you’re totally special!!!”

“Missed all the major organs” sAM xD

“The Mist…ake” I’m crying

lol promoting this guy to first mate I’m crying

“We got a new pet!”

“Let’s call him Professor Thadeus the second!”

They forgot they had someone tied to the mast too what nerds

They cut up his nice shirt xD

I adore that Travis has totally got the islands and shit memorized so he can be super in-character

Also Cad is being too quiet it’s making me sad

Caleb The Navigator

Captain Fjord

First Mate Galen

Oh oh oh they should have a guest to come aboard and sail with them

Oh noooo they left the magic invisible cart

YES THANK YOU MATT y’all need to talk to Caduceus thank you Matt for pointing out that poor Taliesin has been silent for 30 minutes

Oh no have they somehow fucked over Cad’s mission?

I’m curious about this. Because obviously Taliesin knew this was exactly how the M9 were, so I can’t believe that he would have made Cad to be wholly incompatible with them.

He’s feeling really low and lost I think it’s time for a group hug

Him almost dying really freaked him out (and I think it really freaked Taliesin out too)

I’M HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS RIGHT NOW WITH JESTER AND CADUCEUS YOU GUYS

Caduceus is the ship’s cook

Mmm Beau is starting to feel like Caleb is trying too hard to excuse the bad things they do

I think the dock thing was a disaster for sure but I don’t think it was necessarily that they REALLY did anything wrong?

I’m not sure what exactly Beau is feeling bad about? Like freeing the genie wasn’t wrong, the boat thing was a mistake built on bad choice but it wasn’t them being inherently bad, and they didn’t kill Algar, so?

Ah, she’s feeling like she didn’t leave Nicodranus better than she found it

I like this whole “why didn’t we try to talk it out first” thing because it’s nice that two of them are having some moral conflicts. I also like what it says about Fjord and Beau as far as character development.

I mean I don’t think boiling it down to “like we were justified in our actions” really covers what Caleb said. He did say they could have handled things a lot better, but that they did what they had to to survive a situation they could have but didn’t handle better.

“I don’t want to drive you guys away” BEAUUUU my heart

Yasha staring off south “looking for a storm”

Caduceus cooking for the group is literally just my favorite thing. They totally needed a group member who could like make them slow down and eat and just like… take care of themselves, even just for the length of the meal.

Beau went from “I’m sorry for killing these guys” to “fuck those guys they’re dead anyway let’s smear their name”

We should not split up

There’s no way any of this could go wrong

Awwww Caleb showing Nott the stars and planets so sweet

SEE Caleb understands that things went horribly wrong. I honestly think he’s just trying to keep their spirits’ up.

Nott honey you don’t have to be okay with him using suggestion, I understand you both admire and need him but you can be mad at him

“Nott is a one-earther”

Have I mentioned how much I love Caduceus?

Fjord’s just like “please tell me you mean you talk to alive grieving people and not the dead people”

Oh no

They’re coming for them

You should NOT go back

Sam is like “why the fuck are we going back” and I agree so hard

Fjord should not stay on the ship Nott is right

N: “Oh, oh, what other languages do you speak?!”

J: “I speak Infernal”

Everyone cracks up

Oh this is going to be another disaster

Although I guess the guard guys wouldn’t be expecting them to immediately come back?? Maybe??

“YOU’RE THE SAILOR GUY THIS IS YOUR WHOLE EPISODE” lol sam

“I’m gonna bake, fuck it” I LOVE CAD

“I look like Captain Crunch btw” I’m crying can’t breathe omg

Except isn’t the captain dead lol

“Unknown do-gooders” well that wasn’t the reputation I expected

UH HEY I HOPE MARION DIDN’T HEAR ABOUT THE BLUE SKINNED TIEFLING KILLING HERSELF

These lies are getting more and more ridiculous

“The little devil girl who drowned a hundred years ago” Taliesin and the idea of a ghost story is just… so perfect.

Beau stop xD

If this ghost story isn’t in campaign 3 someday I’m gonna cry

I’m so glad that Orli is coming along

They hired the tortle! :D

Nott is really being adorable with the “we are a team and you are important” thing. Obvious, but adorable.

Taliesin wanted ghost stories and now we’re getting islands people avoid because strange ancient unnatural stuff

Okay quick aside but this conversation with Yasha and Caduceus makes me think — I love how there’s this group of people who seemingly should have nothing in common, but in a lot of ways they have things they can understand about each other. Struggles they can related to. It’s really nice.

Jester and her multiple message spells lol

I’ll miss you Marion!

Oooo a glow in the water?

Awww Matt that’s really pretty!

“Sometimes the things that are the most beautiful are the things that can hurt you the worst” that’s very profound, Jester.

I’m gonna cry I don’t want Jester to be sad don’t be sad (Laura needs to stop looking like she’s gonna cry because it’s gonna make me cry)

And the way she does this little laugh like she’s trying to brush off how sad she is like STOP IT IM EMOTIONAL.

Marion was gonna leave with Jester’s dad but then he didn’t come back and I’m thinking at some point they had better kick the Gentleman’s ass for abandoning her

The way Fjord is so sweet and soft with Jester is so cute I can’t decide if I ship them or if I just want them to be soft and close but not romantic I think I’d be happy either way but my god Fjord’s being so gentle with her is killing me

“There are vegetarian options as well”

Marius: “Thank you, thank you, it’s very good—they’re crazy aren’t they?”

Cad: “Oh yeah, they’re completely crazy.”

I desperately hope they get attacked by a sea monster at some point

“Captain Tusktooth”

Tiny elf-owl Frumpkin omg

He’s loaning her tiny owl Frumpkin for a week I cry

M: “I poke him to see if he bites me”

Tr: “He’s dead”

“I’m gonna probably start talking to fish at some point in the near future” Caduceus Doolittle

When Nott is sincere like when she’s talking to Caduceus right now is so sweet

I take it back it’s too soon to talk about Molly Sam

“Between you and me, Jester’s a really bad cleric, so…” and Laura almost spits out her drink lol

I want to meet the rest of the Clays someday I hope some of them are still alive

“A sign that there could be, for all of us, another chapter” Nott is getting me in my feelings tonight

Matt: “You get the sense that the fish would be happy to”

Cad/Tal: “I’m a lunatic aren’t I?”

M: “Yeah.”

C/T: “I’m sorry.”

M: “Yeah, no, it’s great! :D”

The fish: “sure, sure, suresuresuresure sure”

Oh godddd sky monster?

Bird?

WHAT IS IT

“Professor Thadeus…?”

Oh. Fuck. Creepy flying humanoid thing.

lol Beau making sure it’s not Yasha

Oh jeez poor Yasha

…Okay Matt that wasn’t cool because it’s past midnight and the windows are open and I’m feeling weirdly paranoid now

HERE WE GO

Harpies omggggg

Caleb’s really not gonna be able to use fire for this without risking the ship

Oh fuck don’t get the deck hands

Okay the sail isn’t that big a deal Jester can probably mend it, so save the deck hand first

Harpies are not sirens that shouldn’t be allowed to do anything

Oh poor Nott

SAVE THE CREW PERSON FIRST BEAU

I love Cad’s beetles

“Snack time” Cad you’re so creepy sometimes xD

15pts of beetle damage hell yeah

Okay I take it back Beau might have done the best thing saving the sail.

Okay this is too easy of a fight tho what’s coming that’s worse

Oh daaaaamn snapped her neck with the sail rope

Caleb Nott this isn’t nice xD

“We saved his life with the power of friendship” I’m crying

F: “How do we prevent further heart episodes?”

N: “MORE FRIENDSHP. MORE FRIENDSHIP.”

Awkward friend hugs are best hugs

Nott please don’t eat harpy meat

Cad’s gonna compost the harpy

Beau is keeping Frumpkin in her pocket of course she is

Poor Travis just like “I DIDN’T KNOW ID ACTUALLY HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO CAPTAIN A SHIP” poor guy

Oh god the ship is gonna sink

They’re gonna end up stranded on the cursed island just watch

Gonna try and block the hole…. with a mattress

I’m shocked they managed to patch it bless Galen for that Nat20

Caleb being clever to save the ship with his magic bubble

I hope they don’t get Orli killed

They gonna get sunk

Oh wait

Does Caleb have to stay inside the bubble?? I hope it doesn’t start to fill too much

YAAAAAS what a good episode!

SO MUCH SAILING PIRATE-Y FUN

Oh please wear pirate outfits I’m begging

I’m so excited for next week

[querubinne]

B1A4🌱Asks!!

I found these questions and I don’t really think I’d get any anons and I really want to answer them so I just will ok? ok.

Because B1A4 has a ton of good albums with a ton of good music to ask a ton of great questions!! Inspired by: x 🌱 Questions with an * are taken directly from this brilliant post.

Let’s Fly

O.K.: A childhood crush?

There was this boy who was my classmate at daycare, and I REALLY liked him, I was like, obsessed with him, I would write him letters and all (I could write like, at 4, so this is legit). The weird thing was that this boy wasn’t real in my head. I mean, he was there, he was a real boy, but I was in love with an exact copy of him that only existed inside my head, I didn’t pay much attention to the real kid.

Remember: The one thing you want people to remember about you?

That I can be dangerous if I want to and that it’s better not to take advantage of me. I’m the sweetest on earth but I’d like people to remember that they can’t mess with me.

Only Learned Bad Things: A habit you want to break?

Eating junk. I mean, I’m not about to cut junk food of my life, but I’d like to be less addicted to it. More than eating junk, I’d like to cut emotional bingeing. I’m not diagnosed with binge eating disorder anymore but I can feel myself falling into old habits and I feel soooo weak. I hate it.

Bling Girl: Choose one of your possessions to give to a crush or s/o.

I’d probably give my girlfriend the pink edition of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. It’s my favorite one, and I’ve got like 2 more, but that one is highlighted and means A LOT to me. Luckily we live together and she’s not going anywhere far away without me so I don’t need to do that hahah *sigh of relief*

Only One: The most encouraging thing someone’s said to/done for you?

There has been a lot of encouraging stuff people have said to me, like they believe I’m going to publish a book, that they think I’m capable of a lot, so I couldn’t choose the most encouraging. I can tell you about the last one tho: “You’re a puppy with places to go, so you shouldn’t be stuck watching people get drunk”

(This because I just had a bad episode with drunk friends, and also cause my gf and I always look at dogs and say that they walk like they have such important places to go and look happy).

It B1A4

Beautiful Target: How do you pursue a love interest? Are you active or passive about it?

I am very active about it, I flirt a lot, I try to spend a lot of time with the person, I also think I am so active I became obvious, which worked just fine the last time so...

My Love: Do you believe in love at first sight?

I do, yes. Not instant love, or mature love or anything, but I think that there’s something that just clicks the minute you see a person, more like interest or spark at first sight.

Chu Chu Chu: Have you had your first kiss?

Yes :D I’ve been kissing people since I was like 11 tbh, even though I had never had a partner before last year, but I was a strong believer in the idea that kissing wasn’t something serious if you’re not in love with the person. I kissed a lot of friends like this, just to mess around.

Wonderful Tonight: You (and your friends or s/o) are free tonight!! Where do you go? and/or The best party/event you’ve ever been to?

1) We go to eat some pizza or ice cream or whatever. We’d mostly stay home, eat, watch videos and talk.

2) I’m not really a party person, but there’s this one time my friends and I went to a karaoke bar and stayed there till like 3 am, and then pretended to be a car to buy food in a McDonnald’s drive thru. Then we walked like an hour and a half all the way to my house while the sun was rising, with 14 dogs following us. It was just amazing. (If you’re wondering, I wasn’t drunk, I didn’t have one single drink, I’m just the biggest dork)

Fooool: Do you easily trust others? and/or How loyal are you?

1) I trust too easily. Tbh, I don’t know if it’s trust or just my oversharing problem, but the thing is I say too much too early, but I don’t know if this counts as trusting. Considering all the things I’ve been through, I should trust no one, but I do.

2) I’m super loyal

Ignition (Special Edition)

Baby Good Night: Worst thing you’ve done to avoid someone on social media, or just in general?

Well, this guy I don’t like to talk about was stalking my instagram, so I turned the account to private, but he was still there. I assumed he was following me with a fake account so I blocked a few ones that looked suspicious. In the end, I have the account in private mode but I change it to public every time I post something for some minutes so people can see the pic in the tag. It’s fucking tiring but I don’t like being stalked.

Because of You: Best childhood or relationship memory?

One of the best memories I have with my girlfriend happened when we were just friends. You could tell we were starting lo like each other, but none of us would do shit. We spent a lot of time together, and we were sitting by the sea at night, it was just us and some stray dogs and it was really cold. She was leaning on me and I was sort of caressing her hair, and we were just about to kiss. We didn’t and every time we talk about it we agree in that we should have. It’s a nice memory anyway because I liked being so nervous around her.

Baby I’m Sorry: Ever had your heart broken (or vise versa)?

Yeah. I had this, girlfriend? we never named what we had but let’s say she was my s/o. We’ve met online and we talked everyday and sent packages to each other, I liked her an awful lot, but one day she stopped talking to me, and when I asked her what the hell was happening (two weeks later) she just told me she wanted to put some distance between us before telling me we wouldn’t talk anymore because I reminded her of sad things and she was basically unhappy around me. I don’t miss her anymore and I don’t wish she come back or anything like that, but I just can’t help wondering what the fuck did I ever do wrong.

This Time Is Over: Worst memory you’ve ever had? and/or Worst thing you’ve ever done to someone?

1) Tumblr is no place to ask about bad memories. Everyone has too many and they’re all too bad.

2) Let’s say my bpd is the worst I’ve done to everyone I love, for many many different reasons.

So Fine: 2 physical attributes that you are attracted to? 

Big, expressive eyes and thick thighs.

Super Sonic: 3 things you look for in a s/o?

1) That she has her own opinions and that she’s able to talk about them and discuss things.

2) That she is loving and likes to cuddle and be ok with me being the freaking cheesiest.

3) That she’s smart.

And yes, if you’re wondering, Bunny has all 3 and a lot of things more.

Just the Two of Us: Do you believe “true love” lasts forever?

Yes. I think love can do everything if we don’t ruin it.

Smile: When was a time you were so happy you cried?

This feeling starts and ends with Bunny.

Feeling: A song that never fails to lift up your feelings?

What’s happening by B1A4. I swear to god I can’t listen to it and stay sad, it’s just too happy for me.

Crush: How do you act/react around your crush? Are you super-obvious?

I just said I am. I am obvious when someone is my crush and i’m freaking cheesy later.

You Are My Girl: How do you fall in love? Do you fall fast and hard for someone or does it take time for you to fall in love?

Fast and hard, and then harder and harder. I love too much and too hard and too fast.

In the Wind

In the Wind: Do you believe in fate or free will?

Fate, but I think we can shape it by taking our own decisions. So both maybe?

Tried to Walk: What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to give up?

My mental health probably lol no I’m not really sure??? Probs the belief that my dad was a good person. He is, but he’s also one of the worst kinds of persons and that was really hard for me to accept (still is tbh)

If…: What is one thing you can’t live without?

Bunny. She’s the only person who has given me the ability to be myself and to speak what I feel and to be real. Not even my mom, or my friends. I also can’t live without reading, writing and listening to music. I just can’t.

I Won’t Do Bad Things: Your relationship deal-breakers?

If the other person were racist, or stole, or treated people badly, or were lazy. I can stand a lot of things but I need to admire the other person for things to work.

What Do You Want to Do: What would you like to do on the perfect date?

My kind of perfect date is amusement park or sitting by ourselves at night, whatever is the setting, I’d like to eat stuff and chat and kiss for hours without noticing time pass.

Be My Girl: Have you ever confessed to a crush or told someone “I love you?”

I have confessed, and it didn’t work well. I’ve also said I love you a thousand times to Bunny. The first time I did it was really embarrassing: I was having a bpd crisis of some sort but I was really “manic” (not manic manic cause I’m not bipolar, but some times I get something that is alike but for a very short period of time), anyway I felt so alive and happy and I needed to go for a walk cause the feeling was too overwhelming so I left her apartment and while I waited for the elevator I yelled “I LOVE YOU” and just fucking died because I meant it.

In the Air: What do you do to relieve stress?

Write, sketch, listen to music, take a shower, go for a walk, fucking scream into the void of my soul and lose it.

What’s Happening?

Starlight Song: A song that makes you sad/cry?

Iris, the one by Goo Goo Dolls, but specially the Sleeping with Sirens cover. Another one is Asleep by the Smiths. They just kill me.

What’s Happening?: Weirdest/Strangest situation you’ve ever been in? and/or Most bizarre/craziest thing you’ve ever done?

Probably trying to dance to this song tbh. I’ve done so many weird things that I don’t even know. Probably eating every kind of plant as a child or trying to dye my hair with berries (also as a child). As a teenager I did other things but I’m not proud of them so.

Yesterday: A memory you would like to relive?

Past is better buried 6 feet under, rotting and being eaten by worms. Ok, maybe the feeling I had when I read The Philosopher’s Stone for the first time.

Good Love: Biggest regret?

Regrets, I have a few. But then again too (fucking many) few to mention.

How Many Times: What’s the greatest thing you’ve done to impress a crush/someone?

Show them my bookshelves. I don’t think it made the impression I wanted but I thought she would be so amazed by them.

Who Am I

Prologue: Introduce yourself to someone you’ve never met in just 10 words (can be in a list or sentences).

Happy

Dorky

Bookworm

Loving

Childish

Crybaby

Short-tempered

Boyish

Creative

Clumsy

Lonely: Do you like being alone? and/or 3 songs you listen to when you’re feeling down.

1) I love being alone, but only when I WANT TO, my bpd doesn’t let me enjoy being alone if I just happen to be alone because I feel abandoned af.

2) December by Neck Deep / Loser by BIGBANG / Therapy by All Time Low

Love Then: What’s a situation that seemed bad to you at the time, but actually turned out to be good?

Can’t relate to this because it’s usually all the way around.

Amazing: 5 words to describe a bias

A bias meaning Lee Sandeul: Funny, Sunshine, Happy, Childish and Cute.

Baby: What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to work at/for?

Living on my own. And I don’t mean it like a money thing.

Oh My ***: What has surprised you the most this year?

1) The fact that I seem to have the courage to do a variety of things I’ve always wanted to do.

Too Much: Someone/Something you miss right now or a lot?

You’ll get tired of reading Bunny’s name all the time but

Pretty: When is a person most beautiful/attractive? and/or Do you believe in ideal types? Do you have one?

1) When they’re confident. If a persons thinks they’re beautiful, they’ll be. It’s all about attitude. / Also when they’re sleepy, but that’s just personal taste.

2) I did have one and I think it’s really fun to think about it, but I don’t think they actually work. I know Bunny isn’t what my ideal type was (but now I can’t think of anyone I’d like more) and I know for sure I wasn’t what she was looking for.

Who Am I: Describe your past, present, and future in 3 words (1 word for each).

Painful. Pretty. Uncertain.

Drunk with Music: A song that turns you on~ hahaaa

If you’re talking about that kind of turn on... For your entertainment by Adam Lambert.

Road: Who do you look up to? Name those (living, dead, fictional, real, etc.) who have inspired you in life.

I think Neville is just //the// role model for me. No one on earth expected anything from him, and he surprised them all. That’s what I aspire to achieve.

Seoul: A place that reminds you of a special memory?

My grandma’s house always brings memories but I’m not entirely sure they’re special or beautiful anymore.

SOLO DAY

SOLO DAY: What would you do on your SOLO DAY (aka if you had a day all to yourself)?

Probably destroy myself since I can’t be trusted to be alone. If I’m in a good mood, I might go out of the house all day because as I said before, I can’t be trusted to be alone.

You Make Me a Fool: Your most embarrassing moment?

My whole life lol. I mean it tho, embarrassing it’s an everyday thing, but I embrace it and laugh along.

Are You Happy (with Him)?: If you could ask your bias one question, what would it be? and/or If you could get the answer to any question in the universe, what would it be? And, if necessary, who would you ask it to (your person can be dead, alive, fictional, real, etc.)?

1) I would ask him if he’s happy.

2) I want to know what happened when I was a kid even though it’s terrified, and I’d like anyone who wasn’t involved to tell me.

A Glass of Water: Something on your bucket list that you still want to experience/accomplish?

Learn more languages and travel the world with Bun.

Drive: 4 songs to jam to while you’re going on a long drive/road-trip?

Tried to Walk

Solo Day

A Glass of Water

What’s Happening

All B1A4 because that’s why I’m here.

You: 3 reasons why you love a bias

His voice makes me deeply happy

He makes me feel self assured because I think we’re a lot alike

He can make me smile

Sweet Girl

Sweet Girl: Favorite dessert? and/or Favorite scent?

1) Ice cream. I just can’t have enough of it.

2) Lemon.

You Are a Girl I Am a Boy: Do you believe a guy and a girl can “just be friends?” Have you ever maintained a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex?

First of all, I’m a lesbian, so for me girl and guy friendship is a total yes. But I’m also friend with girls, I never fell in love with my best girlfriend or anything. I think you can be friends with everybody, and you just love who you love.

After 10 Years: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Decorating our apartment, driving in my car to buy groceries, cooking real food.

Wait: Something you’re looking forward to?

Buy our own apartment, buy things for it. Also, that Bunny finishes reading the Harry Potter series so we can talk about it like crazy fangirls.

Love Is Magic: Have you ever been in love/Are you in love right now?* and/or What is love to you?

1) I’m soooooo in love right now

2) Love is a home. It’s feeling loved and a part of something, it’s also fighting sometimes, but always feeling safe.

Good Timing

Time: Your favorite time of the day? and/or How have you changed the most within the past year?

1) When the sun sets and suddenly everything’s quiet because the sky is just to loud for anyone else to make a sound.

2) I’m happier, braver, more confident and also I started taking responsibility from my actions and learning to control BPD behaviors.

A Lie: Biggest lie you’ve ever told?

“She cares about me” to myself.

The Moment I Fall for You Again: When did you fall for your bias?

Beautiful Target MV, I just saw that little doctor or nurse or whatever with huge glasses and even bigger smile and I just died.

Good Timing: Pick one person to go time-traveling with!!

NO ONE. Time travel is an awful idea, I’d destroy everything.

Nightmare: What’s the worst dream you’ve ever had (or one you remember very vividly)?

I was like 15 and I dreamt that one classmate went inside my room to wake me up, and I didn’t, so he took out the covers and I was all naked and covered in stab wounds, I also knew I had been raped. It was super scary specially because I’ve never dreamt with blood and nudity before. I started dreaming with rape all the time, including one dream where my father sold me to be raped.

In Dreams: Conversely, what is the best dream you’ve ever had? and/or What is your life dream/goal?

1) I don’t think it’s the best but it’s the one I’d never forget: there was this superhero flying in outer space and he was, well, flying but he didn’t really move, only the background moved and repeated itself. That was the whole dream and I love it.

2) Becoming a published writer.

Sparkling: Why do you like being a BANA (or the B1A4 fandom)?

I think this fandom is super chill and that’s something you can hardly find in other fandoms. I love it ‘cause I’m into kpop to have a good time, not to fight other people.

To My Star: The most amazing/beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

Those stones that look like regular stones on the outside but are full of gems on the inside. Specially the purple ones.

Melancholy: Have you ever experienced unrequited/one-sided love? and/or What’s something you hated at first, but eventually ended up loving?

1) My first girl love was unrequited as hell because not only she wasn’t into girls but also stopped being my friend out of the blue lol

2) Sushi

I Will Find You: The most precious thing you’ve ever lost? and/or Have you ever been lost? Are you good with directions?*

1) My childhood probably lololol (I’m some emo edgelord sometimes)

2) I’m the freaking best with directions, I don’t think you’ll ever find someone better than me. I’m dead serious.

Drunk on You: What is something (show, book, song, person, etc.) that you are currently unhealthily obsessed with?

KimPie, that one ship from Thai lesbian movies “Yes or No”

With You: Why do YOU ♡ B1A4?

Because they have amazing unique music that doesn’t sound like other kpop bands at all. Because they’re original and full of feelings. Because they’re sunshines I’M JUST DONE.

[itsjayyyy]

January 16, 2019 4:51 pm

So on last thursday after that update, I met up with heather for the first time since October. We met up at starbucks, but neither of us bought a drink. She already knew about my moving out because she saw me posting about it on snapchat. I told her all about how my new roommates don’t really talk to me (or do the dishes, or pay rent on time...) and also how my parents didn’t let me have my own bed (she was really shocked at that, which i didn’t understand like girl ive been homeless because of my parents no shit they won’t let me take a bed they bought themselves). I also told her about the whole rose situation, and ofc anna. I thought it was funny how when i told her about the whole “surgery on a porcupine” she was like “how is that possible? you mean she did surgery on those things that fall off of trees?”

After hanging with her, I went home since I had like 5 hours until my next class. rose kept messaging me like “hey are you ready to meet up?” “i can see you’re home now” etc. I didn’t answer, and honestly i was annoyed that she used my location as a weapon, so i left my phone at home when i went to class. Which was kinda annoying tbh, i felt so disconnected without it. (just got sidetracked, but i think when i get my student refund i’m gonna buy an ipod nano 1st gen, which was the first mp3 player i ever had. prob gonna fill it with the 3 vocaloid cd’s i found). After class i went to get a smoothie, then drove home. rose was waiting outside my door for me to get home, and she started going on about “omg i was so worried you weren’t answering my texts etc” we get into my apartment, and i just kinda unloaded onto her (again). just told her how it’s not even just the whole mom situation, but all of them had piled so much hate onto me since i was a kid that i’m incapable of loving myself, and it only frustrates me when they say “don’t see yourself negatively!” it’s like someone breaking your arm and then saying “just use your hand to grab x” without acknowledging that your arm was broken by them. she starts crying (as she always does tbh), then we go to get sushi. 

friday i only had one class (psychology) so i chilled at home most of the day. can’t really remember what i did lol. oh wait i think i hung out with rose, to make up for not hanging out on thursday. yea we chilled at my apartment for a bit, then went to the west side to scoop up peter and get hooter’s. and then i complained about how i started feeling sick, and then called in saturday. i told myself that i would get ahead on my homework and clean my room, but i spent most of the day chilling. the gray cat that hangs around my apartment walked by my window, so i opened it and pet her. She climbed into my room, and i spent a good 3 hours just playing with her. I texted the owner asking if she was pregnant or not (bc she really looked like she was about to give birth) but he texted back saying it was a boy, and neutered. apparently he’s just super cuddly. 

i called in sunday too, since it’s like i already lost an attendance point and i didn’t feel like going to work. i actually was productive that day, like i did laundry and cleaned my room. still getting the depressive episode out of my system, though, so i wasn’t running at full capacity. 

on monday, i checked anna’s twitter (btw after i soft blocked her i felt that she was still looking at my profile tho, like our tweets would mirror each other in mood a lot), and she tweeted “omg i think my crush is flirting with me” so rip my chances with her. and yea i know it wasn’t about me bc outside of class i heard her talking about how they were talking thru snapchat. :c

i really can’t wait until fall when i get transferred to the downtown campus, though. as i was walking up to msb, i saw someone sitting directly next to the entrance. and you can probably guess who it was. I really thought “new semester, new schedule, no more stalker savon waiting outside my classes” but i guess i was wrong. as i sat in the hall waiting for my class to start, I had a minor anxiety attack that i tried to cover up by talking to my classmates and professor about high school funding. luckily in that conversation, i learned that msb has two side exits, so now i have different paths to take. (honestly this whole time i’ve gone here, i thought the “handicap accessible” sign in front of the side entrance was trying to say that wheelchairs should go down the stairs, but my classmate pointed out that it was supposed to say “handicap accessible, up this path to the right,” not directly forward. I took the side stairs after class and basically ran to the garage in case he was following. At home i still had an assignment for comp, which was “visit a place on campus that you’ve never been to before and draw it in a 4-panel comic” (this class is all about multimodal writing) which, by the way, is really only possible for freshmen. as a spohomore, there isn’t a single place on campus that i haven’t been to. except for that side stairwell. so i drew my experiences taking a new staircase as an exit. let me make this journal entry multimodal by adding my comic:

anyways, that comic was apparently way overdrawn, when all of my classmates did simple stick figures at memory mall. kinda felt like wednesday addams wearing a long black dress at summer camp. it was nice tho, gave me a way to express all of my feelings about the whole thing (since i had nobody to talk to). it was like art therapy.

tuesday we had a quiz at the end of calc. i know hindsight’s 20/20, but seriously how the fuck did i fail this class it’s so damn simple. I finished the quiz in a literal 30 seconds and then sat there because i didn’t want to be the first person to finish. all of my classmates looked really deep in thought too, so i started to wonder if i was maybe not doing it right. but then the professor walked by and saw i wasn’t doing anything, so i was like “is this all that we have to do (setting up an integral but not even solving it)” and he was like yea, ur good. surreal.

then i went home and chilled until my evening class, then after that drove to peter’s bc we were gonna hang. so rose remembered that i was coming over, but peter forgot; while peter remembered they invited paul over, but rose forgot. i know that they’re kinda close with paul and all but tbh i don’t really know him that well, and it feels awkward hanging with him. when i told rose that, she was like “but you guys have hung out together, remember that time you got blackout drunk and slept on his bed, i felt like that was a real bonding moment for yall” um no i actually didn’t remember that, probably because i was BLACKOUT DRUNK. anyways i told all of them about anna (since peter and paul didn’t hear the story), then we smoked a little and played comer. We all won a round except for peter lol. then we watched an episode of marie kondo’s show (i wanted them to see how she lowkey looks like a robot), and then i headed home. i got home at like midnight tho, and since we had a sub today in calc, i figured i could skip it. so today i woke up around 10, got on campus at 2 since i was gonna hang with heather (but her boss didn’t let her have a break since she only worked 5 hours so we’re gonna meet tomorrow instead), went to psychology (and we finished the chapter early so no class friday!!!), and since then i’ve been in the library writing this.

here’s my plan for surviving this semester: i’m gonna act like this is fuckin birdbox, but extreme version. he wants to get a reaction out of me, and he’s not gonna. from now on, any time that i’m outside of a building (and even most times that i’m indoors but not in class) I’m going to have headphones in, and look down at the ground (not like directly at my feet, but like looking forward but at the ground ahead of me) or at my phone. that way if he finds me, he still can’t get a reaction bc i’m visibly distracted in the only two senses that he can reach me through. i don’t think he would go as far as to try to touch me, so i should be safe.

i hate that i feel like i’m always on the defensive at my own damn college. i hate feeling like i can’t even walk around freely without being followed. but hopefully i just need to make it to fall, hopefully ucf doesn’t delay the opening of the downtown campus, hopefully i transfer in a few months and can *really* put this all behind me. then it’s all smooth sailing, just gonna go through my final two years at uni, then graduate, get a job in CPS for a few years, then go back to school for my master’s. from there become a licensed clinical social worker, so that i can maybe work for cps but in a hospital setting where i get paid more, buy a house, have a family. get out of orlando. (but i kinda like orlando...)

anyways it’s 6 o clock now, so in about 15 minutes i’m gonna leave the library, use the guidelines i wrote above, use the side entrance, and get to class.