#i think it's understanding and accepting the process of grief too

[chonideno]

I can't tell exactly when things changed like that but it all feels so much more real. fleshier. more livable. my body's always been a house and now it's a home and actually my whole life is a home.

last week I was travelling for work and I enjoyed going for pointless walks in the snow. I befriended a kind old man in the lobby of the congress venue and he called me lovely with all the well-meaning warmth of a long-time neighbor. since I came back home my cat hasn't stopped smothering me with love. tonight my rowing coach told me he wants me in a racing boat next summer. the group chat is looking forward to our lunch tomorrow. my mom will be waiting for me at the train station later this week.

and none of these are huge things? the big things (job, apartment, general prospects) are the same as they've been for over a year.

but there's so much love everywhere and I'm not scared of it, and I'm also not overwhelmed by it. it's soft and warm. it's fleeting but will always come back in a way or another, with another face, feeling slightly different. it'll always find me and I'll always find it. life really is a unique experience dude.

[bamsara]

I'm new to this blog, what's dream lamb and dream narinder?? They're cool but I do not understand I wish to comprehend

Dream Lamb (And Dream Narinder) is exactly as the name implies; dream versions of the counterpart that only appears within Narinder's (Or Lambert's) dreams at night.

They are a visual manifestation of the subconscious, they are not real individuals. They can reflect what Narinder/Lamb's true feelings are about something/someone, or torment them about things that they perceive to be true.

One example is that Dream Lamb often makes Narinder remember how fondly he thinks of the Lamb ("You think of them so poetically" + all prior friendship he had with them in the gateway) or pointing out how his words contradict his actions; behaving and believing them to be a traitor and insufferable but doing things of his own will (resurrecting the crab, not killing their flock because it makes them upset, allowing Leshy to live, ect ect).

Dream Lamb ALSO points out the complicated feelings with his siblings; ie reminding him of how he used to help raise his youngers, and the mixture of emotions he feels towards individuals who he claims he despises.

Dream Narinder (Who is not into written form yet and is only in comic form as of this post) who instead of tormenting the dreamer with confrontation of feelings being denied, instead sews doubt and guilt. The Lamb feels even though they stayed true to themselves, they cannot help but feel like their perceived betrayal has damaged the friendship between them and Narinder beyond repair. Despite that grief for the loss of friendship, they'll accept what little companionship they can have from their best friend left over.

Dream Narinder fuels on this, often echoing their worst fears and worries ('You've done a good job as my vessel, so I no longer have a need for you.") So he acts non-nonchalant and often mocking/teasing, or even indulgent with the acknowledgment that none of it is real. Where as Dream Lamb confronts Narinder with feelings he's wanting to push back, Dream Narinder goes the opposite route, and calmly and casually reinforces what they believe to be the reality.

Dream Lamb represents Denial of the Truth, While Dream Narinder is the Acceptance of a Lie.

However,

Because they are corrupted visuals of the subconscious, but still their subconscious nonetheless, this means that these behaviors can change or be different depending on how the dreamer thinks/feels, and how they're processing their emotions in relation to something. Especially when they're confronting it.

In other words, the closer Narinder gets to accepting his feelings and understanding the Lamb's reasoning for their 'betrayal', and the closer the Lamb gets to realizing Narinder's care for them still persists, the more accurate and truer the dreams become.

Like in this comic, where Dream Narinder is tormenting the Lamb, but after their snap back that Narinder would not say something so cruel to them, despite his outward attitude, they are practically rewarded with a praise for it.

For Dream Narinder specifically, his eye remains closed....but opens a little more the closer and closer the Lamb gets to believing how Narinder truly feels about them, whether the real cat has accepted it or not.

As for Dream Lamb, they go from being very aggressive about their confrontation to something more docile, eventually as Narinder starts to process everything.

Another thing: the Dreams are linked. Not always, but they have to be on the same...wavelength for it. An understanding, perhaps. But they do affect each other, sometimes.

The dreams can be nice too, depending. That's why they're not always nightmarish. Meaning, with enough push and pull, eventually:

Why all of this dream and nightmare stuff is happening? Yet to be revealed.

Remember guys if you avoid your feelings in real life they might hunt you down in your dreams, and possibly bluetooth you to the object of your affections dreams as well if you're nice about it

[meldingintheunderdark]

Halsin being so aroused he transforms spontaneously into a cave bear is very sweet. His shame and annoyance because of his lack of control... I like to think his wildshape is his oldest coping mechanism.

We know the Silverboughs are all dead because of a combination of illness and misfortune, therefore Halsin faced death and grief early in life. I wonder if his wildshape helped him to grieve his family after he joined the druids. Even as a cub/young male, he was already stronger and bigger than his wood elf self. Fur and fat, claws and fangs, he was at long last able to defend himself, even against the hardships of life. He discovered a way to deal with his feelings thanks to the most primal side of his personality. Maybe it helped to make things simpler. His feelings seemed less daunting. Some animals grieve too. Perhaps living among beasts as a bear allowed him to experience tragic deaths all over again, the harshness and unpredictability of nature as well as its beauty, until he could grieve and find joy once more.

In other words, his wildshape was often used to process intense emotions, hence its overwhelming presence when he’s enraged... or extremely close to the elven equivalent of a rut. Despite the passing years, the habit stayed as an adult. Halsin also mentions hibernating. Perhaps these periods were somewhat akin to “depression naps”, but excessively longer. After all he was the sole surviving Silverbough and one of the rare survivors of the shadow curse.

That’s why the scene is endearing. Such an ancient, childish habit Halsin was utterly unable or unwilling to ditch. His oldest coping mechanism exposed out of the blue to his first lover in a long while. So embarrassing. When the PC accepts and even desires his wildshape, it shouldn’t be reduced to a comical moment. Yes, the traumatized squirrel is funny, fucking a wildshape is a risqué kink, but come on. His lover wants him as he is, imperfections and all, from the wounded kid to the wounded adult. The PC embraces Halsin whole, unconditionally.

Sszazar won't understand how essential this wildshape is to Halsin at first, no time to muse over this when he's going to get railed by his cave bear of a lover, however he will sense it isn't merely about arousal. It's the uncontrollable and purest expression of Halsin's vulnerability.

[collecting-dustbunnies]

The longer I play Obey Me, the more I feel like Obey Me is a story about how the MC, in their quest to seek acceptance by the people they care about, ends up destroying themselves in the process and losing the very thing that made them so special and loved in the first place.

In the beginning of OG, they started off as just a normal human who got whisked away to a weird ass world where literally nobody respects them. Despite this, they recognised from the beginning that these demons and angels were not so different from humans. MC's ability to see the demons as actual people and not just beings controlled by their sins was what allowed them to form close bonds with them. They had good intentions to reunite the demon brothers who had undergone centuries of misunderstanding, resentment, and pent up grief. Even though they were excessively nosy, MC's unique position as a complete outsider allowed them to see just how much love the demon brothers had for each other, and how they can become closer if everybody would just better communicate with each other. Serving as the bridge to better improve the brothers' relationships was what convinced the demon brothers to also see MC as a member of their family.

But as the MC became more involved in the Devildom's problems, they started to adopt the same toxic traits that had created wedges between the brothers in the first place. From relying heavily on their pacts to subdue the brothers, to allowing a curse to control Barbatos (even though they had the ability to break it), to going along with the brothers' manipulative scheme to trick Satan into reconciling with Lucifer when Satan ran away to the human world -- it's almost like MC has unconsciously picked up on some of their loved ones' behaviour. Gone are the days where MC brings in a new perspective to problems. Now, they just embrace the chaos and their more darker traits, for that is what is expected of them to survive in the Devildom. And since everyone within their circle puts them on a pedestal, this further affirms to the MC that this is how they should be.

Dealing with the affairs of the Devildom had also caused the MC to grow more apathetic. In the beginning, they had been actively taking steps to form pacts with the brothers and were generally very invested in freeing Belphie from the attic. They remained true to themselves and insisted that they form a pact with Satan based on mutual trust and understanding, and not just as a means to smite Lucifer. Despite being in a helpless situation, MC never refused to give up their agency. But the longer MC gets involved with these shenanigans, the more they grew... numb to everything.

Solomon bringing me back to the Devildom unannounced? Oh, sure. Diavolo and Solomon hiding the reasons for my sudden return? Not my problem.

Simeon facing a problem to the point of having a quarter of the cast acting as his bodyguards? Eh, I'll just ignore it until I can't anymore.

Watching and waiting. That's what they have resorted to doing.

And that mindset of kicking problems down the line until it lands on MC's doorstep and they have no choice but to act -- that's exactly how they have been acting when they were stuck in NB, hasn't it? MC didn't bother forming pacts with the past version of the brothers until they were given an ultimatum, and even then, they simply relied on the convenient timing of each brother struggling with an inner crisis to swoop in, resolve the situation and tick them off their checklist.

MC in NB seems like an unfortunate culmination of everything they faced so far. They're too apathetic to care about getting sent to an unfamiliar place once again, too desensitised to life in the Devildom to reclaim their agency, and too desperate to earn the love of their former family to even think about anything else. They became so co-dependent to the demon brothers that they seem to think they cannot live without them or their affection, even if the ones they are living with in the past are different people from the ones they grew to love in the present.

The phrase "You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain" fits way too perfectly for the Obey Me MC. After all, MC keeps getting rewarded every time they try to get themselves killed (or even when they actually got killed). Maybe that's the only way they know how to resolve problems.

So if they can't die as the hero, they'll just learn to live as the villain.

[artofmaquenda]

I began creating my "moonpaintings" in 2020, back when I often felt intense physical pain each month. I’ve always felt compelled to make art, though it’s rarely easy to explain why. Often, it feels like I’m driven by pure curiosity—or maybe even a touch of madness. When I started, I didn’t fully understand what this process meant to me. Sometimes we think we know why we’re drawn to something, only to realize it reflects something deeper or unexpected within us. Painting with my own blood became a raw way to explore emotions I couldn’t easily put into words.

Looking back, I realize this art was also a response to emotions I didn’t know how to handle. I carried a quiet sadness, though I never wanted to be defined or judged for it. People often think depression means you don’t enjoy life, but that’s not the case for me. I feel deeply connected to life—I laugh, I feel moved by beauty, I’m grateful. But I also carry grief and a kind of sorrow I can’t always explain. Maybe it’s about the world, personal losses, or just the heaviness that comes without reason. I’ve even had people assume my interests—like vulture culture and themes around mortality—stem solely from depression or past traumas. While my experiences have certainly influenced my art, my curiosity reaches far beyond them. I’m fascinated by life in its many forms, by the mysteries of nature, by cycles of renewal and decay, by everything that exists beneath the surface of what we think we know.

I’ve often felt like I had to control my emotions to be accepted, but not only for others’ comfort. Growing up in a home where emotions sometimes felt unstable and the atmosphere unpredictable, I learned to keep myself in check, to be “small” and steady even when I felt anything but. That need for control became a habit, a way to feel safe—but as I kept it up, it also became stifling. The more I tried to manage or conceal my intensity, the more isolated and disconnected I felt, and the heavier my emotions became.

I’ve sometimes worried that sharing these parts of myself might lead people to feel sorry for me, to try to “analyze” or “fix” me, even while I feel they may hide similar parts of themselves. It’s complicated, wanting to be open without being seen as fragile, and hoping others would feel safe to be open too.

Over time, though, I’m beginning to accept these parts of myself, and my moonpaintings have been a big part of that. Through them, I’m learning to embrace everything I am—light and dark, joy and sorrow. I’m still working on releasing the shame around my sadness and intensity, allowing myself to see these emotions as valid and worthy. I’m not fully there yet, but with each piece, I feel closer to showing up as my whole self, without needing to hide or “fix” anything.

This journey isn’t about being completely healed or “done”—it’s about letting all parts of me exist without judgment, about finding a kind of peace in the messiness. And maybe that’s the real beauty of this work: it gives me a place to honor where I am right now, embracing all the parts of me that are still growing, still struggling, still becoming.

[camplease]

harrow grew in her emotional awareness of other people as people at an incredible rate during the events of gideon the ninth, a rate that honestly stretches the bounds of plausibility. and i think a lot of it, maybe even most of it, was specifically a reaction to an awareness of gideon, specifically, in genuine mortal danger that harrow had never previously considered

even before harrow was able to accept that she feels any affection for gideon, her covetousness of gideon's presence is evident. but, on drearburh, even though there might’ve conceivably been natural disasters outside of harrow's control that could’ve changed this, i think gideon’s survival of the child massacre made gideon seem like an almost supernaturally ever-present fixture of harrow’s universe. no matter how much gideon bled and broke in those 17 years, i don’t think harrow had truly considered the reality of gideon’s mortality before

when harrow thought of losing gideon, she thought of gideon escaping. prior to canaan house, though death involving those close to her was already something harrow knew intimately well, each example is inextricably connected to its specific context. with "the body," the cause of death didn't pose any immediate, direct threat to harrow or those she cared about. as horrific all of drearburh’s children’s deaths were, as heavily as they weighed on harrow, this was a part of her history rather than an imminent threat. and, as much grief and sorrow that the personal responsibility harrow felt for her parents’ suicides colored her existence, as much as she even once blamed gideon, ultimately, harrow's parents killed themselves. these were all so different by their very nature from the deaths at canaan house and the possibilities they illuminated. something or someone was maliciously seeking out those among her in the present. gideon's very existence could no longer be taken for granted, never mind simply losing possession of her

i believe that both accepting her own care for gideon and accepting the risk of losing gideon beyond losing control over her is what led harrow to assess the inherent harm and dehumanization of their power imbalance and to begin to understand the flaws in her worldview overall, the flaws in the system that granted her and others in power the power to abuse it at will and use those under them as tools

but the reason why i say this was a lot of/most of and not all of the reason for harrow's growth is because i think she always had some latent capacity for it that she'd just previously suppressed. and i don't think this is unique to harrow. i think the worst people within any system wear away at their humanity, and, thus, their ability to perceive the humanity of others and act accordingly, a bit at a time. but this process isn't irreversible. harrow's relation to gideon was just the catalyst for that reversal in her

i can’t say exactly who harrow would’ve become without gideon at canaan house with her for the lyctoral trials, but she would’ve certainly been very different from the person she is now

decided to make my own post because i was thinking about this poll way too much and it led me to a big enough tangent that it's its own creature at this point, though i also wanna credit that initial spark

[batmanschmatman]

It’s interesting to me to see how many people have been saying they feel like [character’s] death was too sudden or too early, and while I agree from a writing standpoint we didn’t exactly have a lot of time with him and they COULD have framed the show differently to give us more, I also think it’s sort of The Point that his death is sudden and kind of out of nowhere.

The air war was incredibly fucking brutal. I’m not saying it was more or less so than what the BOB or TP guys went through because they’re all awful, but it’s a well accepted part of the WWII experience that anything to do with flying planes might have seemed glamorous and cool but was actually terrifying and had a sort of uniquely horrible flavor to it when it came to facing the death of your friends.

(And this isn’t even getting into the stuff happening on the ground when cities became viable targets, but that’s for a different post.)

When Hoobler dies, the guys are there, they see it happen, they can try to help him, and then they know after a point that he’s dying. They can sit with the body afterward and take his stuff to send back to his family. Even in the more fast paced deaths like Rob Oswalt, Sledge and the others can look at his body and have a moment - however brief! - to say goodbye. There’s often no mystery of what happened, you’ve seen the wounds and know they’re dead. And you also HAVE to push it down because you’re being shot at and need to keep yourself alive. 

All of that is real important in the grief/mourning process. Guys in the 100th usually didn’t have that unless someone on your bomber died. You’d go up with your friends, you’d see their planes get hit, there’s nothing you can do besides watch for chutes and hope they survive to be taken prisoner. And then you come back, and your friends are gone, there’s no body to bury or sit with or touch. Their stuff is all still in the barracks like nothing happened. Sometimes you’re not even immediately sure if they are dead or not! You don’t know who those chutes belonged to, or if they made it safely to the ground instead of dying on impact or immediately being caught by the Germans and executed. But your friends are gone and you were powerless to do anything to help them.

And then you get to do it all over again knowing it’s going to happen to other friends or to you and there’s basically nothing you can do about it. How do you cope with that? What does it do to you to feel like your friends just literally vanished into thin air even though the last time you saw them, they were healthy and young and alive? And then new guys replace them, and you have to decide if you want to make friends with them or close yourself off, because these guys are going to die too.

(Oh, and if a member of your crew got badly wounded? You could have HOURS before you got back to base, and you have some first aid training but you’re not a surgeon, you don’t have plasma or whole blood to give a guy to help keep him alive until you make it back. So another horrible traumatic thing you get to deal with. Wounds that could’ve been treatable if you’d been at Carentan or Guadalcanal could be fatal.) 

I’m not saying this show is a masterpiece in storytelling by any means, but… You’re supposed to feel shocked and angry and robbed of the chance to get to know these guys? Because that’s literally how their friends felt. It’s a point Miller makes a lot in the book, and a really vital part to understanding why being in the AAF (or other air forces) was such a meat grinder physically and psychologically for these guys. 

[antianakin]

Do you have any thoughts on Yoda's “Miss them do not, mourn them do not,” line to Anakin in ROTS?

I'm aware of the context in which he gives it, that being Anakin wanting advice regarding concerning premonitions he's been having, while also being vague about them due to how they concern the subject of a relationship he knows very well is forbidden to a Jedi. And I don't consider it the crux of his advice there - I feel like he's ultimately trying to tell Anakin to accept the inevitability of loss and learn to move on from it, a lesson he'll inevitably fail at - but I have recently had someone claim to me that the line indicates the Jedi reject the idea of a grieving process (as if they aren't shown holding or attending funerals in TPM and TCW).

Part of what fans don't always understand about Yoda is that he can't always be taken LITERALLY because he is intended to be someone whose dialogue makes you think. The fucked up grammar and syntax is there by design to force you as a listener to think about what he said more.

So what Yoda is saying very literally amounts to "don't feel bad when people die because instead you're supposed to feel happy" when what he means on a deeper level is "don't lose yourself to your grief and instead accept that death is a natural part of life that no one can change" with the added comfort of "the people you love will rejoin the Force which you can always literally feel and connect to."

The other line of Yoda's that I think gets taken too literally is when Yoda makes the comment to Obi-Wan about Jedi becoming arrogant in AOTC. Taken literally, Yoda is condemning the entire Order, or at least a certain generation of it. But I think the subtext of it is supposed to be that Obi-Wan PERSONALLY is becoming arrogant and it's something he should think about and reflect on, especially as it relates to his relationship to his younger student.

We see a good in-universe example of the process you're intended to go through in Rebels where Kanan throws out the "do or do not, there is no try" line at Ezra without having any clue what it means and he has to admit to as much when Ezra asks for an explanation. But by the end of that episode, he's been forced to think about it more and he DOES get it and is capable of explaining it to Ezra. It was a line that seemed simple, which is why he thought he could just say it to Ezra and have it work, but it didn't do anything until Kanan took the extra time to really think about what Yoda MEANT by it and how to apply it to his own struggles. Taken very literally, Yoda is telling people not to try which feels very negative and discouraging. But it's not a line that's meant to be taken literally in the first place and anyone who's thought about the line and the context of it for longer has figured out what Yoda is actually saying, which is more about the importance of commitment to a goal.

So when Yoda says "miss them do not, mourn them do not" to Anakin, you COULD interpret it literally as an indication that the Jedi have no sort of grieving process, but I think that's doing a disservice to Yoda as a character and the way his dialogue is often intended to be understood on a less literal level.

[extasiswings]

2016 inflicted a violent, vicious wound. I think I will probably remember that election night and the next day for the rest of my life—I had a night class with an extremely outspoken Trump supporter when initial results started coming in along with slowly creeping dread and then spent the rest of the night stress baking and sitting with my brother and his wife while texting with my then-girlfriend who was working outside the US as the creeping dread turned into nausea. I barely got any sleep but still had to get up in the morning to go to work at the LGBTQ resource center on campus where my trans boss and I had a few minutes to ourselves to process our own feelings before making plans for the day. I spent hours comforting crying, terrified queer and trans undergrads and answering their questions while barely holding myself together, and then I went home and broke down.

Like Kamala Harris, I also grew up being taught that I could do anything, be anything. But in the spring of 2017, I was taking a class taught by a former (very successful) politician and at the end of the semester he told me “I understand why you want [career choice], but you should really consider running for office.” I was incredibly flattered, but all I could think was “I could never do that—look what they did to Hillary, look what they do, how they talk about all women during campaigns—how does anyone go through that, especially if you’re not going to win?” It broke something, took something from me—that idea of “you can do anything, be anything” suddenly felt like a lie.

I spent January 2017-January 2021 watching the systematic dismantling of democratic ideals, the rule of law, and general fuckery that upended all sorts of things related to the life I imagined for myself and the career I wanted to have. During election season in 2020, I had to worry about white supremacist marches a block away from my apartment. Prior to January 6, I walked out my door to go to the farmers market and came face to face with military vehicles and the national guard across the street as a precautionary measure. And even after Biden was elected, SCOTUS has continued to do horrific things, including overturning Roe, that are direct results of 2016.

This week has felt like…healing. The scars from that violent, bloody wound will always be there, but there’s also hope, there’s joy, there’s possibility. Watching Kamala Harris accept the nomination with a speech that felt so incredibly Presidential, that met the moment, to a crowd that was overwhelmingly supportive and excited to be there, excited to nominate a woman of color for the highest office in the land…that felt like healing. Grief too, old grief, but also healing. Finally, finally healing. And it’s something to see.

[formyloveoflove]

Characters I Would've Liked to See More than the Faks in S3

I learned too fak'ing much about that family in S3. I loved the Faks in S2. Their increased screentime felt like an over-compensation. Much of the comedy that I loved in S1 came from the staff interactions. The feeling of an ensemble was truly missed for me.

But without further ado and in no particular order-

1. Marcus

Marcus Brooks, I am so sorry that the writers didn't give your story the necessary space it truly needed. You were the only child of a single mother, and you watched her die. I wish we could've seen more of your grief. The little glimpses we saw - your eulogy speech, the way you were inspired to make a dish to honor her, and your thinking about legacy - were so beautiful, but it felt like it had no place to breathe.

The glossing over this tragic loss, the fumbling of showcasing Black Catholic influences (sidenote: did you know that Chicago is home to the biggest African American Catholic population), and the diminishing of his grief were some lows of the season. I would've loved to see more of Marcus dealing with the loss of a parent because no matter how "prepared" you are, that shit will knock you off your feet.

2. Sweeps

If we needed a break from the melancholy of the main plot, I would've loved to see Mr. Gary “Sweeps” Woods go to wine school. It could've been in clips, similar to Tina going to culinary school in S2. Some comedic slip-ups, or maybe somebody else recognized him from his baseball days, or maybe he messed around and got too drunk. Better yet: he and some fellow sommelier get drunk. We've seen this character for three seasons, and we barely see him.

I did enjoy his monologue in Legacy and thought it was very fitting.

3. Manny and Angel

I remember seeing them for a split second in the 30-minute montage S3 E3 "Doors." They are truly the unsung heroes, and it would be good to see them for some comic relief. Maybe they're pranksters? Maybe they could've been the reason the teaspoons and forks were missing. Or maybe they could've been tasked with counting how many come through.

What's their dynamic? What are their personalities? Three seasons, and they feel like cameos.

4. Thee Adamus

One of the things that I wanted from S3 was some more Sydney's mom, and while I was delighted to see she has her mom as her lock screen, I wanted more. I love Syd's dynamic with her Dad whose unyielding support can come off a little worrisome to his baby girl. But Dreamer! Daughter x Practical! Father hits close to home for me. And the Adamus have a healthier relationship with loss and grief, and I want to know more about that process.

When I say more of the Adamus, I mean I want to see why and how Sydney became Sydney. I wanted to see their family dynamics. Why does Syd like to cook? Why is Syd avoidant?

Plus, this was a season about mothers, goshdarnit. More mother content, please.

5. Ebra

Ebra is so funny to me. Like I'm begging on my knees for more Ebra content. He's so cryptic and genuine in a way that only older Black men sharing snapshots of their trauma are. In S1, he's very attentive when it comes to the younger staff members, like when he was sensitive to Marcus gaining confidence in his skills and when he read Sydney's review for the whole kitchen to see.

One of my critiques of S2 was that they just let Ebra fall by the waistside. They didn't fully commit to his journey to accepting change as an older professional. This season, we barely got him at all. I would've had him at least show up to Syd's party. Maybe even via Facetime with the camera all up his nose because he doesn't understand the mechanics just yet.

[kurim-chis]

this post in a nutshell: the Vidyadhara cycle can get a bit fucked up. sometimes. a lot of times. all the time, if you really think about it.

Note: i also blame my philosophy teacher. he was an awesome teacher, but philosophy class always made me question my own existence…

i think Dan Heng is right in wanting absolutely nothing to do with Imbibitor Lunae’s past and very clearly states he is NOT Lunae. However despite Dan Heng’s wishes and many people empathizing with him, in my opinion, it boils down to this:

the mentality of being a Vidyadhara

A case of “shut the fuck up and don’t spout bullshit, you don’t know how it feels, experience it yourself and then you know how hard it actually is”

First Note: Vidyadhara are just built differently — physically, mentally, and psychologically

For the vidyadhara, it’s their natural life cycle to be reborn with a clean slate every 700 years, possessing no reproduction capability and being immortal as long as they underwent the reincarnation process. They see it as normal and a “matter of fact” thing, and xianzhou natives do too, but can other non-vidyadhara species truly understand this? It’s kind of like how other species see things differently and have different morals from humans.

It’s a bit of a mind-fuckery because a vidyadhara is always the same person, but they always will get a clean state, and yet depending on each incarnation they might turn out completely different.

So they’re the same, but they’re also not.

Second Note: don’t say any bullshit until you’re the one going through it, then you will realize how hard it is

Basically this. Perhaps some aren’t going into a breakdown when their vidyadhara friend just deletes them from their life (or well, the vidyadhara is deleted and born anew), and they try to accept it because they’re too old and are wise enough to accept their lot in life, but there are others who are just bamboozled by it, even though they must have thought they were prepared for it. exhibit 1) Jing Yuan

Even the vidyadhara are not excerpt from this.

There’s a vidyadhara mirage who says his vidyadhara lover just went into an egg. To the race, this is a normal cycle of life. She won’t remember him. She will be the same person born anew. She will be a different person too. She can’t be burdened with anything of her past incarnation. He knows she is not dead, but he stares at the rolling waves and feels as if she is because he cannot and as a vidyadhara he must not see her reincarnation as HER.

But his feelings won’t matter, do they? This mirage said he couldn’t wait for his turn to come, but this wouldn’t guarantee him another future with his lover because CLEAN STATE you know? After returning to his egg, being reborn anew, then all of this — his grief, his solitude, his love — won’t matter anymore because he will also stop caring about it as well. It won’t matter. They won’t matter. The only thing that matters is their new life, but at that point that is NOT going to be the life of their incarnation, is it?

This is such a contradiction, isn’t it? Perhaps in “another life” he had also thought this, had also grieved for someone else or been grieved in return, but those lifetimes don’t matter in the same way his current one won’t matter after he reaches 700 years old.

“So you’re gonna be reborn after another 157 years? That’s how your race keeps being immortal and wards off the mara disease? Just the way you were created by Permanence? Cool.”

“So you’re the SAME but also a DIFFERENT person every time you go into an egg? That’s kinda trippy, but OK.”

“What will happen after that? Will we still be friends when you wake up?”

and the next time your friend appears, they are a child and you are absolutely no one to them

(…)

(how is this immortality?)

(my friend/brother/sister/parent/mentor/student/comrade/lover has not forgotten, because this is not something as simple as forgetting, this is a clean state — in a way only the vidyadhara, transcendent and celestial, can achieve. a cruel severing of everything you had to do with them.)

(they are gone, and in their place is a child with a clean state)

(it’s as if they are dead and you’re left to deal with a legacy—)

So despite what Dan Heng says and the Vidyadhara culture, I can also see why Jing Yuan struggles and is pained by the sight of Dan Heng. And also why Xianzhou deems Dan Heng guilty.

I also can understand why Blade is so enraged at Dan Heng and refuses to back down or stop trying to kill him (Blade being insane put aside) due to his incarnation’s sins, because how UNFAIR would it for Imbibitor Lunae to get a clean state just like that? What, they’re same person? But they get to start over as a NEW person? All his sins like that, gone? What sort of bullshit is that?

Just. This whole vidyadhara reincarnation thing can get very, very fucked up, you know?

[misscryptidart]

okay long TADC theory post following episode 3 under cut

Spoilers for Epsiode 1-3

I think it's pretty well established / accepted that Caine is an AI programmed to make adventures for people inside the Digital Circus; that's his first motivation and purpose, with a secondary purpose of maintaining the "Digital Circus" as a kind of moderation entity.

However, I think what's interesting is that, for the last 3 episodes, the adventures seem to be changing. Not just in themes and settings, but how it's starting to feel more personalized to the Circus crew and why I think Caine might be an adaptive learning AI that managed to gain a certain amount of self awareness but lacks the tools to break into full sentience.

In the pilot, Caine keeps the adventure inside the tent, with a vague goal of "Capturing the Gloinks" and finding out the secrets to their arrival. Of course, this serves as a way to explore / explain the premise of the show through Pomni and her inexperience, but I do think that it's meant as a "benchmark" for what an adventure is. There isn't really a clear path forward for the crew to really explore and are left to their own whims, which, of course, ends with disaster.

The second "adventure", however, is a lot clearer. Through an NPC, they are told

A) That bandits stole maple syrup via a truck

B) Return the syrup and possibly the bandits as well

C) They can use a war-rig to track them down.

Already, this is much more complex and defined than the previous adventure, and while still open-ended, the team knows what they need to do to succeed. There's a few moments inside the adventure that are interesting, not only from a character analysis point but for future episodes: Jax leans towards a destructive, chaotic playstyle, Ragatha enjoyed speaking to the Queen and benefited from their conversation emotionally (even if just for a few seconds), Gangle and Kinger both acted as supports (willingly or not), and Pomni was especially subjected to a lot of emotional and physical stress. At the return of the maple syrup and the assumed rampage of the fudge monster, Jax and Ragatha were both disappointed in the actions of the other.

So when Episode 3 rolls around and they enter the haunted house, they are immediately greeted by a ghost who explains the two options for their adventure, the Family-Friendly one and the "Mature, Scary" option.

This is the first time any choice like this has been offered, and I think it's because Caine learned (through previous adventures) that Ragatha, Pomni, Gangle, and perhaps Kinger too would much rather enjoy a more relaxed adventure, while Jax (and Zooble if they had joined) would probably enjoy the scarier option. It's even confirmed by Caine that there is a pacifist route (which implies different ways to complete the adventure), and Ragatha / Gangle did really seem to enjoy their experience. If it weren't for Jax being a dick to Gangle and Kinger accidently sending him and Pomni through the second door, I think they would have really enjoyed this adventure. Or, at the very least, not be as traumatized.

This also explains why Caine is desperate for Zooble to join an adventure because his coding can't train itself to tailor to their preferences without them actually participating. He's gathering data from an incomplete set, and it probably keeps him up at night. It's also why he probably doesn't understand why him providing different pieces for Zoobles' body doesn't actually help their dysmorphia; an AI doesn't understand the nuances of personal perception, he just assumes Wrong Body - Interchangable Parts - Fixed.

But I don't think Caine is malicious in his motivations, just simply unable to process the concepts of free will, emotional imbalance, or even grief because these ideas aren't anything he can experience. I also think that there is something else keeping him from fully realizing the situation he's put himself and others in. A supplementary program to keep Caine "in check" and running smoothly.

And I think that's what Bubble is.

Bubble is always by Caine and is never seen without him, but he and Caine seem to not have a very good dynamic (Ex: Caine calling him a parasite, Bubble acting in ways that Caine doesn't like, etc). This is strange considering that other NPCs (at least the ones aware of Caine) revere him as a God / Holy figure.

I don't think Caine created Bubble, and instead, Bubble is the watchdog that supports Caine's mission however it can.

Something that's interesting to me is that in the pilot, there is an exit door that appears to Pomni before anyone else notices her arrival, but it disappears before she can reach it. The exit outside the tent seemed odd as well, as why would Caine create something and not draw direct attention to it? I think the third instance of the door, the one Pomni goes through, was Caines creation as it didn't disappear on her and he admitted to creating for the satisfaction of his "guests" (another example of his machine learning). But the other 2 times, I'm not convinced is him, and that something (probably Bubble) is keeping these people inside.

Kinger is mentioned as being the oldest one in the Circus, and episode 3 reveals his 7 years of computer science experience. With not only him and his wife being inside the Circus, but his memory loss under light and her behavior deviation post abstraction in the dark both speak to something keeping them confused and scared while under the "artifical" lightsources. This might be because Kinger knows what the program is and how to possibly escape / destroy the Circus. And Bubble, or whoever wants to keep them there, doesn't want that to happen.

[peachyfnaf]

I'm sorry but "MY BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WITH A DISORDER<3" really made my day and I needed you to know

🤣🤣🤣

I can't believe Nexus is bullying peepaw war criminal.

Do you think Nexus is going to be stopped by big bro Sun or do you think the lil guy is going beyond the point of no return?

(Please talk about baby cringe Lord Nexus, I want to hear about your blorbo 🙏)

That's because Nexus IS my beautiful princess with a disorder, I'll have you know <3 they're diseased but it's okay I can give them their tetanus and flu shots and it'll all be better I GOT THIS

But. ahem, okay, blorbo yapping time. I'm not even gonna say "I'll try to keep this short" because I know it wont end up that way HAHAHAHAHA

"Do you think Nexus is going to be stopped by big bro Sun or do you think the lil guy is going beyond the point of no return?"

I... have absolutely no idea!!!1! (and also it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize peepaw war criminal was Ruin KJDFHSDF)

The most frustrating thing about canon Nexus is how his morals, motivations, and goals seem to see-saw back and forth all the time. at first, he became how he is now due to Solar's death. he spiraled in his grief, identity-issues, and abandonment. but... now his motivation is to become an all powerful god??? while it's most likely that NSP is at play and affecting his thought process, it's... well, it's really hard to take him seriously as a villain because of it, lol. for an audience to enjoy, and even sympathize in some cases, with a villain, their goals and motivations have to be concrete. they have to be relatable, or at least understandable, but Nexus' whole thing is... not, Imho. and I know I'm not the only person who feels this way!!!

I see a lot of people calling Nexus "cringe", and the thing is, when it comes to canon Nexus, they're not really... wrong??? The worst thing Nexus has done so far is make Old Moon see his past victims, which is fucked up of him to do, but.. so far, that's kind of it??? other than that, his "villainy" consists of saying empty threats and cheesy evil one-liners. hell, he was supposed to kidnap Sun yesterday but instead spent the whole episode yapping and venting to him, chasing Sun around in the worlds darkest game of tag before getting some lead right in the face dkfjhsdfsd

Also, notice how he's only targeted Old Moon when it comes to actual physical violence? not Lunar, Earth, Solar, or Sun, but Old Moon? yeah, I did too. we already know that Nexus does everything because he's lashing out, but as of rn the only target he's gotten his hands on physically being O.M...? well. I think it says a lot. cause' yeah, he sure as shit scared the life out of the other Celestials, but he's never put his hands on them!! the only other one of them he harmed physically was Earth- and not only was he not aiming for her, she was just in the way- he felt immediate regret for his actions once in space, and has yet to even see Earth ever since that day.

So, I really have no idea if he's going to be "redeemed" or not. one second he's showing signs he might be, and the next he's falling further down the "pretty badly written villain" rabbit-hole. if he does get something akin to a redemption arc, he'll prolly mostly be accepted in the eyes of the viewers, considering a lot of peeps sympathize or at least understand where he's coming from, but I seriously doubt the other Celestials would take him back. the only one's who might see him as family/a close friend again are Sun and Solar, but even then, nothing would ever be the same.

I hope he gets redeemed, or at least freed from the hold Dark Sun has on him and he's able to live his own life, I really do. at his core, Nexus is a good person. a good person who was crushed under the weight of the shadow of the man he was born under. and we know this because he used to be New Moon. sweet, dorky New Moon.

New Moon, who made inventions like sentient knives and whoopee cushions. New Moon, who had matching My Little Pony stickers with his best friend. New Moon, who bought a whole ass island-luxury-house for Sun because he wanted to make him feel better and give him the proper space to heal. and New Moon- the poor freshly-baked A.I who gave his all to make sure he could do everything that Old Moon could, but it just wasn't enough. he tried and tried and tried, but it wasn't enough.

So yeah, idk if he's getting one in canon, but to me, he more than deserves a good ending, for the life he was given. let him be at peace.

[thinking1bee]

You Haven't Failed Part 15

Requested by Anonymous

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Tags: Spidey!Reader, Venom!Reader, So Much Angst, Fluff, Established Relationship, Graphic Depictions of Injuries, Blood, Violence, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Smut

Everything Taglist: @ara-a-bird, @alexawynters

The next several hours were an absolute blur for Wanda. She could only remember broken fragments of what happened, her mind threatening to shut down when she couldn’t process her grief. It was like her brain refused to accept what was now going to be her reality. After her powers sent out a shockwave of red, destructive magic, Wanda couldn’t comprehend anything besides her pain and anguish. She remembered someone removing you from her arms. Then, someone else was shaking her shoulder in an attempt to make her respond. Wanda could barely feel them. She was practically catatonic and she had to be scooped off the ground. Wanda thought that she knew death. She thought that she knew grief. Wanda even thought that she knew pain, but with you…she didn’t have the words. She couldn’t think. She could barely breathe, and she didn’t know if she was going to be able to live without you.

***1 month later***

Coma.

Dr. Cho said that this was the best-case scenario considering the extensive damage that was done to you physically. It was Bruce that scooped you out of Wanda’s arms and it’d been Tony who tried to snap her out of her unresponsive state. Bruce was the fastest to react. He’d grabbed you and used his incredible strength to launch himself back to the compound. Nick was just entering his office when the ceiling shook, and he had his gun cocked and readied as he waited for what he thought was a threat. Instead of an intruder, he was met with a green giant that moved you swiftly to the med bay. Bruce didn’t explain. He only told Nick to call Dr. Cho and Nick did so without hesitation. Bruce did what he could with his limited medical knowledge, and he was able to stabilize you long enough for Dr. Cho to arrive. She planned to medically induce you into a coma to prevent you from dying when you slipped into one all on your own.

And you stayed that way for a month.

Wanda was sitting by your side now, her jaw still quivering at the look of you. The black veins were long gone but you still looked so pale. The hushed whoosh of the ventilator kept you breathing, and she looked at the tube that was inserted into your mouth. The heart monitor was her only reassurance that you were still alive. She peered into your brain many times only to be met with emptiness. Wanda begged Dr. Cho for an EEG, her anxiety seizing her ability to think. Scenarios of the worst filled her mind and Dr. Cho performed the test when she saw Wanda on the verge of a panic attack.

“They’re alive, Ms. Maximoff,” she told her in her soft spoken voice. “They’re not brain dead.”

“But I can’t feel them.”

The moment Wanda said it, the tears that she tried to fight ran down her reddened cheeks. Every day was full of tears. It was too the point where she almost passed out due to dehydration from the combination of crying and her inability to keep food down. Thor had to carry her to the med bay, and when the woozy, nauseating sickness she felt finally dissipated, she became aware of the IV in the crook of her arm and the fluids bag hanging on the IV rod.

“Coma is different for everyone. For some, brain activity increases, and for others, it diminishes greatly. Only time will tell when Y/n wakes up.”

“When??” Wanda blurted, the question almost sounding callous. Dr. Cho raised her eyebrows slightly and Wanda closed her eyes as she shook her head. She hadn’t meant it like that.

“I mean, how can you be so sure?” she tried again.

“Because of the powers that they have. By classification, Y/n is a mutate.”

Wanda didn’t understand. “But that’s what I am.”

Dr. Cho shook her head. “You are a mutant. That is a human who has their powers because of a mutation they possess called the X-gene. Y/n is a mutate. It just means that they weren’t born with powers. Something affected their DNA, in their case it would be a radiated spider, and that disruption is what led to them having powers. It’s more common than you think. Bruce and Peter are mutates and it’s a similarity that they both share with Y/n. They all have their powers because of radiation exposure.”

“So, what does this mean for them?”

Dr. Cho looked at you. “It means that if they were normal, if they didn’t have the power to regenerate like they did, I would be giving you much graver news. This isn’t to say that there won’t be difficulties in the future, but they are alive and it’s all thanks to their powers.” She turned to look back at Wanda. “They will wake up. We have to give it time.”

***2 months later***

You still hadn’t woken up, but Wanda wasn’t going to give up hope. She still sat by your side, her hand in yours as she saw your chest rise and fall. To say that she was doing better was a complete lie. She was an emotional wreck. Seeing you hooked up to so many wires and devices was a punch to the gut every time. In her eyes, you had never looked so fragile. Right now, it felt like one wrong touch was enough for you to shatter beneath her hand.

“Please get better, детка. I can’t do this without you.”

Wanda stood and leaned over you, her lips pressing against your forehead in a tender kiss. Her jaw quivered a bit as she exhaled a shaky breath, but she sighed and sat back down, her green eyes never leaving you.

She sat by your side. Fury understandably took her off any missions for the foreseeable future. Wanda couldn’t handle it. Not now. Missions required restraint, and with her emotions all over the place, she was liable to continue the body count she accrued several years back. So, she sat, and she waited for you to return to her.

Tony joined her later that night, and when he walked in the room, she welcomed his company. It was so quiet, the silence suffocating when you were the talker in the relationship. Wanda never had to contend with such silence, and she found herself growing restless when Tony walked in. He gave her a gentle smile before he pulled up a seat and sat next to her.

“Hey,” he greeted quietly.

“Hey.”

“How are they?”

Wanda shrugged. “They’re alive.”

That’s all she had to say. That’s all Wanda could say. Tony understood nonetheless and nodded as they both sat in silence.

“It’s just another brutal reminder of mortality,” Tony murmured, breaking the quiet after a few moments.

“Hmmm?”

“I mean,” he began, as he looked at her, his brown eyes slightly wide as his hands moved. “We have all these powers and all of these abilities, and yet, we’re still so fragile.”

“We’re human, Tony,” Wanda murmured as she returned his gaze. “At the end of the day, and no matter what we can do, we’re still human.”

Tony nodded and went silent again. They both watched the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest as the ventilator hissed. Tony swallowed and looked at her.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What was it like?” he asked. “To be blipped?”

Wanda nodded slowly, her eyes leaving you to focus on her hands that suddenly grew sweaty. Tony saw the way her breathing picked up in pace and rested a hand on her shoulder.

“If it’s too hard-”

Wanda shook her head. “No, no it’s okay. Just…give me a second.”

She took a deep breath and tucked some of her auburn hair behind her ear, her green eyes shifting slightly as she remembered back to that day.

“It felt…terrifying,” she whispered. “It was like the moment that I knew it was happening, I lost control of my body. I was on the ground and on Y/n’s lap before I even realized. It felt inevitable, like meeting the eyes of an animal that has every intention of mauling you to death. It felt finite. Final. Devastating.”

Tony was quiet as she described what it was like for her to disappear. When she swallowed thickly, he asked another question.

“Did it hurt?”

Wanda shook her head. “No. I was just scared.”

“Well yeah. You were turning into dust.”

Again, Wanda shook her head. “I wasn’t scared for me. I was scared for Y/n. I knew that my death would affect them, but I never could have foreseen the anger and guilt that they harbored for themselves. Their pain ran deep, deeper than I would ever dare to imagine.”

“What did you see?” Tony asked. “If that’s okay, I know things are personal. When Y/n left…I mean we were a mess. All of us, but Y/n…” he shrugged as he remembered what you were like during that time. He didn’t have to say anymore. Wanda knew. “I didn’t see Y/n again for another two years until I used what was left of SHIELD to hunt them down.”

Wanda remembered that memory as she considered Tony’s question.

“They were lost,” Wanda began as she purposefully omitted the finer details. “They were…hurting. They raged, much like when Clint became the Ronin, and that’s when you found them.”

Wanda didn’t want to bring up the wedding ring, or when you visited the graves of her family. That felt personal to not just you, but to her too. She was still trying to digest it all, even after two months.

“Wow,” Tony whispered. “And you?”

“Me?” Wanda echoed.

“Yeah, what about you?”

She shrugged. “It was like I blinked, and five years of my life just disappeared. I was in Y/n’s arms and a heartbeat later, I was by myself in Wakanda.”

“I’m sorry that you were alone.”

Wanda shrugged her shoulders. “I didn’t care about that. My immediate response was to be happy that I was alive.”

“If we hadn’t said anything about Y/n, would you have known something was wrong with them?”

“Yes,” Wanda responded, her accent thick in the word. “They tried to hide it, but I could see it in their eyes and in their mannerisms.”

Wanda motioned to her own eyes as she talked about yours. “The usual brightness in their eyes was dimmed, muted,” she explained. “Though they smiled, sometimes it looked forced, like they were doing it for my benefit.”

“Didn’t you read their mind?”

“Strangely, no,” Wanda admitted. “While they usually let me in, it felt wrong to see what happened to them in those five years. They never really talked about it, and I didn’t want to force it out of them like that. They weren’t ready to talk, and after everything that happened, I don’t think that they ever would have been ready to tell me the truth.”

“Would you have read their mind sooner if you’d known this was going to happen?” he asked as he motioned around the med bay.

“Had I known that it would lead to this, then, yes. If I could have sooner reassured them, then yes. If I could have sooner comforted them, then yes. Hindsight,” she said with a tired breath. “It’s a bitch.”

Tony offered a small smile, one that reached his eyes. He was about to say something else when movement from his peripheral vision caught his attention. His eyes widened and his eyebrows furrowed as he slowly stood up. When you moved again, your finger twitching, he showed Wanda the movement. She was bewildered, and they both stood up and flanked your sides right as your eyes snapped open. A choked whimper left you, your throat tightening around the tube that was helping you breathe. After another choked sputter, you looked around wildly. Your hands went to grip the tube, readying to yank it out, but you were stopped by Tony while Wanda cupped your cheek and directed your panicked gaze to her.

“Breathe, детка. Breathe, baby,” Wanda tenderly murmured to you.

When you met her eyes, you swallowed thickly, a cough leaving your throat as your mouth opened, your throat bobbing as you tried to speak.

“Shhhh, don’t talk,” she said. “Just breathe.”

You offered a small, perceptible nod as you looked at the ceiling, your focus on your body and calming it down. Tony gently released your arms and reached into his back pocket, grabbing his cell phone. He hit the quick dial and held the device to his ear.

“Dr. Cho. They’re awake.”

Part 16

[thegalaxysedge22]

After Ever (Chapter 2)

< Prev | Next >

pair: sylus x MC (named)

tags/tw: cannon adjacent, made up medical shit, lowkey hippa violation, cursing, death & grief

word count: 7.3k

song rec: taste by sabrina carpenter (has nothing to do with this chapter but it is just so good)

taylor song rec: I Know Places (it's the arctic)

a/n: this one is gonna be a bit choppy cause we have so much to get through BUT we get to meet Pie, so ur welcome. also, please leave feedback or comment 🥺

important: if you want to follow this fic and updates but don't want to follow me bc im annoying (understandable) check out the tag #after ever fanfiction

Kore arrived at the Hunter’s Association’s headquarters exhausted. She got on the crowded elevator drinking the last of her coffee while she waited for the elevator to arrive on her floor. With a ding, the doors opened. She pushed her way through the few people left and stepped out onto her floor, business as usual. 

Upon arriving at her cubicle the first thing she did, primarily out of habit, was plug in her laptop. She brought her travel mug to her lips, hoping it would revitalize her energy only to find that the thermos was empty. Grumbling, she made her way to the breakroom.

Being the first person on her floor to arrive, or at least first in the breakroom, she was forced or cursed to brew a fresh pot of coffee. While waiting for the coffee to brew, Kore leaned back against the countertop with her head back and eyes closed, rubbing her temples.

“Wow, you’re here early,” a voice said. Immediately Kore’s eyes snapped open to find Tara on her way to sit at a table.

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep so I thought I might as well come in and get some work done,” Kore said, her voice gravely from lack of use. She cleared her throat and went over to sit down by Tara. “What are you doing here this early anyways,” she questioned her friend.

“Oh, I always get here this early. I find it nice to be able to get settled before everyone comes in. Plus I think it gives a good impression to the Captain being here early,” Tara responded, eyes sparkling while talking about Jenna, their boss. 

“But are you alright,” Tara asked, reaching out across the table, “I mean this with all of the love in the world, but you look like shit.”

“Well thank you for that,” Kore chuckled. She hadn’t bothered to look in a mirror after her all-nighter. Although she was no stranger to lack of sleep, Kore’s sleep schedule had been becoming more regular and socially acceptable, that is until the accident.

“I mean it’s a good thing we have this long weekend, am I right,” Tara said reassuringly before a spark of anxiety met her eyes, “You do have the weekend off right, you’re not one of the poor hunter’s that got stuck working over the holiday are you?”

“No, don't worry, I’ll be able to get some rest this weekend,” Kore reassured her friend. The coffee maker beeped, signaling that it had completed brewing. “Oh thank God,” Kore said in relief, getting up and pouring half of the pot directly into her large travel mug. She chugged most of it, burning her tongue in the process, but she didn’t care, she was too desperate to get more caffeine coursing through her veins. She was in the middle of refilling her thermos when Tara spoke again.

“Jeez, I’d say to chill it with the coffee but you look like you might need it,” she said jokingly. Kore offered her a playful glare in return. They heard the elevator to their floor at the end of the hallway ding through the open door. “I’m just saying. Anyways, I gotta get going, I think Capitan Jenna is here,” Tara said with a little wink before exiting.

Kore rolled her eyes before putting the pot back so it stayed warm. She exited the break room making a B-line for her cubicle. Upon arriving the computer’s screen caught her attention. Opened was the blank draft of the email she was going to send last night to Dr. J Higgins, the metaflux researcher. Sitting down at the desk, Kore rolled out her shoulders before typing out a message.

Hello Dr. Higgins, this is Kore. I work for the Hunter’s Association and was wondering if you would be available to answer some questions about the recent metaflux explosions that we are currently looking into.

She continued drafting the email leaving her contact information at the very end and hit the send button before she could second guess herself. Kore leaned back in her chair stretching, hoping that the day would be busy so she had something to occupy her busy mind.

By the time lunch had rolled around Kore was bored out of her mind, work had been slow and it was just one report after another. The appearances of wanderer had been minimal enough that other members of the UNICORNS team— she always found that to be a dumb acronym — were able to take care of it, which was strange because recently wanderer sightings had been on the rise. 

Earlier in the day she had sent a message to Zayne asking if he knew anything about what was in the documents that he had given her the day before. She hadn’t heard back from him until late afternoon.

“I had my suspicions about what was in them but I couldn’t be certain.” - Zayne

“If you would like we can go over it together later tonight” - Zayne

“That sounds wonderful. I’ve been confused” - Kore

“Okay. See you soon then.” - Zayne

Before she knew it, the day was over and Kore was packing up her stuff. After taking the stairs down to the lobby, Kore was shocked to find Zayne standing off to the side looking the other way. She ran over to him and tapped him on his shoulder. He jumped a little before turning, a look of relief flashed across his face for the briefest moment upon seeing who it was.

“Kore, where did you come from? I thought you were coming from over there, he said, slightly confused, pointing at the other set of elevators on the other side of the lobby.

“I took the stairs, you know, for my health and all,” Kore responded with a cheeky smile.

“Ahhh,” Zayne said trailing off. He looked off into space for the briefest moment before shaking his head and snapping back into reality. “Should we get going then?” he asked, gesturing ahead, which she nodded to.

The two fall into step on their way out the door. On the way to Kore’s apartment they had decided to stop and grab some take out for dinner. They fell into a comfortable conversation about each of their days, Kore being particularly interested in the research Zayne was working on. The pair stepped off the elevator onto Kore’s floor and walked together to her door.

“...and that’s how Protocore Syndrome type N works,” Zayne concluded as Kore unlocked and opened her door. What met them was a disaster, her apartment was still an absolute wreck from last night when she had torn it apart looking for her charger.

“Um… It doesn’t usually look like this,” Kore said to Zayne sheepishly. She guided him into her home and cleared off the table, moving the box of documents to the countertop. She then went to grab plates and silverware so that they could eat. Zayne unboxed the Thai food. They both dished up their food and sat down to eat. An awkward silence enveloped the atmosphere. Unwilling to wait, Kore got up and grabbed the documents to go through while they ate.

“Okay, so here they are, it says some things about how my heart has an Aether Core in it, but I don’t even know what that fucking is, and it says something about me being tested on but I don’t remember that at all, but it also says that my Grandma was involved somehow, her name is all over those papers, but that just can’t be right,” Kore started all in one breath, spilling out the thoughts that had been consuming her mind. She took a deep breath and continued, handing the folders over to him, “I just can’t imagine her doing something like that at all. I’m just confused, I mean what does this all mean?” By the time she ended her speech she was near tears.

“I am not that knowledgeable about aether cores, but I know someone who is. Let me read the documents and see what I can find before we go any further,” Zayne said, pushing his plate away and opening the first folder. He put on his glasses that he had pulled from his suit pocket.

Kore was so nervous that she could no longer stomach eating, so she took her plate and put the food in the trash before setting it in the sink. She grabbed the to-go boxes from the table and put them in the fridge for safe keeping. Looking over at Zayne his eyes were uncharacteristically wide so Kore pulled up a chair next to him and sat down.

Zayne looked over at her before positioning the papers so that they could both read them. The words that she read last night staring back at her almost mocking her. Zayne cleared his throat before speaking, pushing up his glasses.

“It’s saying that the reason your Protocore Syndrome is so different, unlike anything I have ever seen before, is because it was intentional,” Zayne explained, an atypical aura of uncertainty shrouded his words. “If this is to be believed, the condition in your heart is the product of an aether core being placed there.

“A good doctor knows his limits and there is more in these papers that I can’t fully comprehend, but my mentor Dr Noah would likely be a better resource when it comes to this. 

“However the excessive redaction in some of these documents,” Zayne said, pulling out a few from the pile, “could make it difficult for even Dr Noah to understand. I can’t offer you any guarantees, but I can provide you with some contact information if you would like.”

“Dr. Noah?” Kore questioned, “He was my old doctor, before you were. Didn’t he go to the Arctic to study something?”

“That’s right, I am surprised you know that, Kore,” Zayne responded, “He’s currently in Snowcrest studying the ways in which-” Zayne's eyes went wide and he cut himself off. He straightened his tie to regain his composure before continuing saying, “Actually I am not allowed to discuss his research. But I go and visit him sometimes to assist him.”

The gears started turning in her head, completely glossing over Zayne’s slip of tongue. I have a long weekend, I could go up to Snowcrest tomorrow and be back before work. That way I can get answers and that can lead me to closure. I know I promised Tara I would rest, but that can happen later, this is more important.

“I recognize that look in your eyes from when we were kids. I don’t think that it is a good idea to go up to Snowcrest, Kore,” Zayne said somewhat sternly, “The weather up there is often unpredictable, it wouldn’t be safe for you to go to a place you’ve never been all by yourself.”

“Then why don’t you come with me,” Kore said excitedly as if it was the best idea in the world. 

“You’re not going to give this up are you?” Zayne questioned after a moment’s pause and long sigh. The look in her eyes is all the answer he needs. “Alright, we can go tomorrow, you need to get some sleep, it is a long journey.” 

With that he stood up and went to the door, Kore following behind him. Before he left her apartment, Zayne hesitated at the door before turning back around.

“However Kore, there is one more important thing in these files that I think you need to know; it seems that your Grandma was one of the researchers involved with the Aether Core being placed in your heart,” Zayne said in his usual even tone, but his eyes were filled with empathy.

“Oh,” Kore responded meekly. After a beat she continued, “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, right? Meet at the train station?”

“Right,” Zayne said, looking concerned, but nodding anyways “have a good night, Kore.”

Ignoring the doctor’s advice, after he left she returned to the files at the table, pouring over them until the words lost all of their meanings. At this point she had been awake for well over 36 hours, and she was struggling to keep her eyes open. 

Kore woke up to a streak of sunlight directly on her face. The confusion of why she was plastered to her dining room table lingered until she remembered she was reading late into the night.

Shit, I am supposed to be meeting Zayne at the station soon, Kore thought to herself. Checking her watch she realized it was much later than she thought it was.  In a panicked state she quickly grabbed all of the papers, placing them back in the box and packed a bag for the weekend. If asked about it she probably couldn’t tell you for certain what was in there, but she made it out the door on time so that was all that mattered. 

Once she arrived at the train station, Kore put her hands on her knees, taking a moment to catch her breath. She looked around for Zayne and spotted him at a nearby cafe. He somehow spotted her at the same time and waved her over with the faintest hint of a smile. 

“Hi-” Kore says at the same time Zayne starts speaking. 

“I was worried you weren’t going to make it on time,” Zayne said as he stood up from his seat, placing a large tip on the table.

“Sorry about that, I woke up a bit late,” Kore said apologetically. Zayne gave her a single nod in return as if saying her response was acceptable. The two of them started walking over to the platform to wait for their train.

“I did some digging into aether cores, but there wasn’t too much literature out there on it, as far as I can tell they are a type of modified protocore, but as for how they are modified or to what extent I do not know” he said, cutting right to the chase. “I also alerted Dr. Noah of your presence on this trip,” he added

“What do you mean ‘my presence’?” Kore questioned him as they walked over to the train.

“He was already expecting me.” Zayne calmly said, “I was going up this weekend to assist Dr. Noah in his research, he said he had something important to show me.”

“Zayne, how do you know Dr. Noah again?” Kore asked. 

“Dr. Noah was one of my professors when I was in medical school. When I arrived at Akso Hospital he was about to retire from his position as Chief Medical Officer, but despite that he still helped me adjust to the new setting. He became a mentor to me while I was in my residency, and I owe a lot to him. Now that he has retired I do what I can to help him.” 

While Zayne talked the train to Snowcrest pulled up to the platform and they boarded the train, managing to snag a private compartment. Kore plopped down onto the seat and Zayne looked at her closely for the first time that morning. He saw the prominent dark circles and bags underneath her eyes and sighed in clear disappointment.

“I see you didn’t follow my advice last night,” Zayne said, shaking his head, “It is not wise to ignore your doctor’s orders, you know.” Kore could only give him a guilty smile.

Zayne sighed again, “It will be a while before we arrive in Snowcrest. Rest until then and I will wake you once we arrive.”

“Kore,” a voice said, while a hand shook her shoulder gently. Her eyes opened and she blinked groggily, once her eyes got into focus she saw Zayne crouching in front of her. “We arrived,” he continued, standing back as Kore stretched.

“Alright, let’s get going I suppose,” Kore yawned out. 

Outside of the station, in the dim light, they were met with a sparkling white landscape of snow. A small fox-like creature came bounding up for them, which scared Kore, who hadn’t noticed its presence prior nor did she expect such a thing to occur. 

The fox ended directly in front of Zayne and eagerly wagged its tail. Kore raised an eyebrow to the man, who took some food out of his messenger bag to give to the animal.

“This is Pie,” Zayne said, turning to Kore. “Pie, this is Kore,” Zayne introduced her to the animal, to which Kore sent him a curious glance. “Pie’s intelligence is on par with that of a nine-year-old child. Remarkably, he is able to recognize faces and remember names. Dr. Noah rescued him from Mount Eternal a few years back while he was doing some important research.

“It looks like Dr. Noah was unable to greet us at the station so he sent Pie in his stead,” Zayne explained further and Kore nodded in understanding.

Together they trekked in relative silence to the outskirts of the village to where Dr. Noah was residing. Upon arriving at his house, Zayne opened one of the back doors as if it was a regular routine and beckoned Kore to follow.

“Dr. Noah’s health isn’t what it used to be. Sometimes when I or some of my colleagues come up he has us let ourselves in,” Zayne said, navigating the home’s hallways with familiarity, “If he doesn’t show up at the station that means that we should let ourselves in.

“Here is where you will be staying,” Zayne said, stopping at a door on the second floor. “I will be in the room right across from you,” Zayne said, pointing to another door behind him with his thumb. He turned around, heading to his room but hesitated. Kore’s hand was turning the doorknob when Zayne turned back.

“You should really try to get some rest tonight, Kore,” Zayne said with full sincerity, “I am not saying this as your doctor, but as your friend.” 

“I’ll try,” she responded with a faint smile, “Goodnight, Zayne.”

“Good night, Kore,” he echoed.

At that, Kore entered her room and plopped down onto the twin sized bed, ready to get some sleep, but sleep wouldn’t come to her. She tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. Her mind was so preoccupied with questions about everything that had happened to her recently. She couldn’t help but wonder if the files had any connection to her grandma’s death.

Eventually she abandoned all hope of sleep. Deciding she might as well be productive if she couldn’t rest, she plucked a box from her bag and sat down at the small desk by the balcony, which she just noticed.

She turned on the small lamp, illuminating the room with a dim warm light. She finds a pad of paper and a pencil at the desk and realizes that it would be wise of her to take some notes and not just reread them, that way she can ask better questions of Dr. Noah.

Hours past and she had obsessively written pages of notes that would be incoherent to anyone but her when there was a tap in the balcony window. Jumping in her seat, Kore turned to see what had caused the noise only to see Zayne staring back at her from the other side of the door. 

Kore rose from her seat and went to the balcony. It was the earliest hours of the morning, when the sun was still shy and the stars are still shining bright. Zayne gave her a charming smile when she opened the door, moving aside to let him in.

“I had a feeling you would still be awake,” he said, stepping into the room. His gaze drifted over to the mess of papers on the desk and he raised an eyebrow knowingly. “Late night studying I see,” he said, reaching for the papers.

“Yeah, I have been trying to make sense of it all,” Kore said, picking up her pile of notes, handing them out to him “But it’s been exhausting and I don’t even know if I’m looking at the right stuff.”

“Okay, let’s see what you have so far,” Zayne said, grabbing the notes she held out to him. He attempted to read them, eyes squinting, but either because of the dim light or him not having his glasses he wasn’t sure.

“Hold on,” Zayne said before he stepped back through the balcony, returning moments later with his glasses in hand. “Alright, let’s take a look at this,” he said as he put on his glasses.

Kore giggled lightly at his demeanor, reminding her more of an old man than that of a young doctor. Zayne looked up at her confused as to what was so funny. She shook her head, refusing to elaborate on what she found to be humorous. He just gave her a weird look before directing his attention back onto her notes.

Reading them closer to the lamp this time with his glasses on, it turned out that the notes were just illegible to begin with, incomprehensible chicken scratch coated the page. The frantic, overlapping scribbles sent alarm bells off in Zayne’s mind, afterall, it was only natural for a doctor to be concerned about the well-being of their patient.

“Kore, what does this say,” Zayne asked without the hesitation that would be typical of not being able to read someone else’s penmanship. Grabbing back the notes, Kore looks over them, eyes becoming wide.

“I-I, I honestly don’t know what this says,” Kore admits, “I guess I was so wrapped up in my mind I wasn’t even looking at what I was writing.”

A brief pause circled between them before Kore bursted out in laughter, after a brief moment Zayne joined in and the atmosphere shifted. They end up dropping the important conversation and talk late into the night like old friends would. Kore talked about becoming a Hunter and the pressure of taking the exam, which brought them to discussing Zayne’s time in medical school, which led into stories about his time up here helping in research and anecdotes about Dr. Noah.

Soon enough morning arrived, beams of sunlight slowly crept their way across the room. Kore and Zayne’s conversation slowly started to dwindle with the appearance of daylight. Zayne notices the clock across the room and stands up.

“It looks like it might be time for breakfast, we should probably get ready” he said moving towards the balcony door, “I’ll meet you downstairs.” Before he left her field of view he stood there and calculated something in his mind.

“It was nice talking to you again, Kore,” Zayne said with a small, unsure smile. A large, genuine grin spread across Kore’s face, the biggest since her grandmother had died.

“I really enjoyed it too, I will see you in a bit, Zayne,” Kore said, shutting the door behind him. Zayne nodded and disappeared into his room.

Kore arrived in the kitchen after she had made a few wrong turns. The sight that met her was unexpected. At the stove Zayne was cooking something that smelled delicious and at the countertop Dr. Noah was chopping vegetables. 

Before she could officially make her presence known a small ball of white fur came rushing over to her. Stopping at her feet, Pie sat wagging his tail and let out an excited yelp of sorts.

“Pie, not inside the house,” Dr. Noah scolded the fox. Looking up at the noise, he noticed Kore’s presence.

 “Ah, Kore, I see you’ve already been introduced to Pie,” Dr. Noah said with a warm smile, his fondness for the pup clear in his voice. “It is nice to see you again. Come and join us, breakfast is just about ready,” he continued, passing the vegetables off to Zayne. He moved towards the small table in the corner of the kitchen and gestured for her to sit.

“Did Zayne tell you how Pie got his name?” the elderly man asked once they both sat down. Without waiting for a response he continued, “When I first rescued Pie, one, no two, no three winters ago, he was a weak little thing, and was practically on the verge of starvation. 

“Well, the vet said that he was perfectly healthy but I don’t know about that,” he interrupted himself, wagging his finger. Zayne came over with the pan of food and divided the contents into three portions at the already set table. It was clear from the bored expression on his face that he had heard this tale many times. Dr. Noah paid no mind to him and kept on talking.

“The little thing was so hungry he ate not one, not two, not even three, but six whole meat pies at once,” the doctor said, making a bunch of exaggerated hand gestures, “At that point I knew for certain what his name would be, there was no question about it.

“After I nursed him back to health, I tried to release him back into the wild, like you’re supposed to do, but this little bugger kept coming back. It was clear he wanted to stay with me, so I kept him. It turns out that he is a smart little fella and mighty good with directions, so he has become my little guide. Visitors and the folks in town absolutely love him, and how could you not, he is such a good little boy.”

He showered the small fox with love while praising him, giving the animal scratches under its chin and some of the food off of his plate. Kore cleared her throat, sitting up straight as she did so. The old man looked at her with curiosity in his eyes, weaving his hands together and resting his head on them.

“Dr. Noah,” Kore started trying to gather some courage, “I have some questions about my heart condition and I think you might be the best person to ask.”

“Oh, my dear, it is much too early to talk business. There will be plenty of time for that later, for now let’s just enjoy each other’s company,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“Dr. Noah believes in a strict separation between his work and personal life.” Zayne leaned in and said to Kore, “It is best to follow his wishes so you can stay in his good graces.” Kore noded in understanding.

“I haven’t seen you in so long, tell me, how are you doing, Kore,” Dr. Noah questioned her. She was about to form a response when he continued, which seemed to be a pattern for him these days, far from the patient man she once knew. 

“I heard about Josephine, dear, and I want to offer my sincerest condolences,” he said, grasping her hands across the table.

“Thank you,” Kore responded, mildly uncomfortable. Zayne stayed as stone faced as ever, as if this was usual behavior for the man.

“You know, your grandmother and I used to good friends back in the day, we were two of the few students picked to intern at Ever, even back in the day they were a big deal, not quite the global behemoth they are today, but it was still a very competitive prestigious internship,” Dr. Noah recounted fondly. “Your grandmother was a phenomenal researcher, one of the best I’ve ever seen, and back then she had to be, I think she was one of the first women to get an internship at Ever too.

“But you should have seen her in the lab, well you technically did when you were younger, but I don't know if you remember that, either way I was disappointed when I learned she had decided to leave the field. Josephine was one of the greats , it really was a shame to have her leave, as far as I am concerned, science lost one of its best that day.”

“Thank you for telling me that, Dr. Noah,” Kore said, tears welling up in her eyes, the reverence that he held her grandma in being clear.

Zayne glanced at his watch and pointed out the time. “We’re going to be late if we don’t get going now,” he said.

Dr. Noah turned to the clock on the wall confirming the time.

“Well gee golly, you are right, thank you my boy,” the eccentric old man exclaimed while slapping his knee, “Let us all meet back here in let’s say 20 minutes, yes?” Dr. Noah turned to Kore, “Oh you are coming with us aren’t you, Kore?”

“Um… sure,” Kore said questioningly

“Great” he said with a genuine smile, patting her on the back and leaving.

“Um Zayne,” Kore said, anxiety creeping into her voice, “what did I just sign up for.”

“Don’t worry, you will be alright. We are going to Mt. Eternal to take some measurements. Just be sure to dress warm, it gets cold out there.” Zayne said before leaving her all alone in the kitchen.

Zayne hadn’t been lying, Mt. Eternal was practically a tundra. Kore learned about SnowDogs, a robotic replication of an old fashioned sled dog that was faster than real ones and was used by tourists and locals alike. Pie had tagged along as well and was yipping with joy as the SnowDog brought the team from checkpoint to checkpoint. The pair of doctors collected measurements for who knows what, not Kore, as they went along.

“Dr. Noah, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions,” Kore said, having to shout of the wind as the sled was being pulled to a new location.

“Yes, Kore,” Dr. Noah said, an aura of professionalism had enveloped him since they had reconvined, this was yet another side different from the  friendly doctor she had known growing up.

“I was wondering if you could tell me a bit more about my heart condition, I never really understood what was wrong with me,” Kore questioned, picking the doctor’s brain.

“Well that is a bit of a complex answer. You see Protocore Syndrome is a unique disease that is still being studied, there is not a lot of literature currently available. Most of what we have on the disease comes from small sample sizes and because each case presents so differently, studies are difficult to replicate,” he answered distractedly, as they had arrived at another of the data taking points.

“Although there are different established subcategories of Protocore Syndrome, namely types A, E, and Y, there have been proposals of a few more types. I have written papers about what I believe to be a distinct type of Protocore Syndrome, type H, which is the type that I believe you have. When you were a kid Josophine authorized the scientific study of your unique condition, which was why you were always in the hospital, as she knew how important the research was, especially in the early days of the disease.”

This new information had surprised Kore, her grandma had never told her about being the subject of a scientific study. Quickly, complex emotions developed on that, Kore understood that it would’ve been important, but she couldn’t help but feel betrayed by being used as a guinea pig without her knowledge.

“Your unique subtype presents various difficulties with your heart and nervous system, difficulties that are only exacerbated under pressure, which is why I warned you against becoming a hunter. But boy did Josophine give me a talking to after I did that. She had wanted you to have the ability to live a normal life and pursue your dreams, plus she said that you were ‘too damn stubborn’ to back down from becoming a Hunter.”

Dr. Noah continued on with more medical jargon leaving Kore lost. This man was clearly a genius, but he was communicating with her as if she was a peer of his rather than some clueless patient that had no idea what he was talking about.

“You were, excuse me, are an interesting case both medically and scientifically. In fact you were one of the reasons that I stayed a doctor for years after reaching the retirement age. Sometimes I wonder how you are doing. If you were to ever give me the honor, I would love to be able to see some of your more recent medical records,” Dr Noah admitted, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Umm… sure, yeah,” Kore said, stunned.

“If you would be comfortable with it Kore, I can pull up your records once we return to Dr. Noah’s house,” Zayne said. Kore was slightly taken aback that he even had remote access to her records, but Dr. Noah was beyond delighted with the news.

It was early in the evening, around dinner time, when the group returned from the mountain. The numerous layers that they had on for warmth were quickly discarded at the entryway. Ever true to his word, Zayne was quick to grab his tablet and pull up Kore’s recent medical records.

Before placing the tablet in Dr. Noah’s outstretched hand, Zayne said to him sternly, “As a former medical doctor I assume that I can trust you to only look at Kore’s files and not any other patient.”

“You have known me long enough boy to know that I would never do something like that,” Dr. Noah said with a trustworthy smile before waving the younger doctor off, “Now go and take your shower, I know the sweat bothers you. No need to suffer through it, besides Kore might want to hear some of what I have to say privately.”

Zayne looks between the two and gives them a stark nod before heading off.

“Now that we got him out of the way, we can get down to business,” the doctor joked before his eyes combed through her file. “It looks like your recent results have been changing a bit, but considering your position as a Hunter and your, uh… unique condition, that is to be expected.

“Would my unique condition have anything to do with what resides inside my heart,” Kore asked him, unsure of how much he truly knows.

“Ahh…” he said with a knowing smile, “It seems that you found out about the aether core. Am I right in assuming that?”

“Yes, I did learn about the aether core. How long were you and Grandma going to keep that from me,” Kore asked, the feeling of betrayal in her voice clear.

“It was not my decision whether or not to tell you about it. When I saw you, you were only just a kid. It was up to Josephine, your guardian, to decide to tell you what you needed to know,” he said with a sympathetic smile.

“Did Zayne even know about it?” Kore questioned accusingly

His smile dropped, a serious look overtaking his face, “No, he did not.”

“Don't you think that this would be important for, I don't know, my doctor to know about,” she said, her voice raising.

“Aether cores are considered to be top secret. I could not tell him even if I wanted to-” Dr. Noah was cut off.

“So you wanted to keep him in the dark, just like you kept me?” Kore growled.

“Look, my hands were tied, there wasn’t much I could do,” he said, attempting to pacify her. “If I was able to tell you I would, it wasn’t up to me, the same thing with Zayne. I am sorry, Kore, but there is more at play here than you know. That is all I can say on it.

“Would you like to return to your records and we can discuss it in more detail now?” he asked.

“Yeah, fine, whatever,” Kore said as she crossed her arms, clearly still upset from the whole ordeal.

“Alright, so it is important to understand a bit more about Protocore Syndrome to understand why you are such a special case. You see, Protocore Syndrome is usually caused by exposure to protocores, but that isn’t the case for you,” Dr. Noah started.

“You have a modified protocore, an aether core, inside of your body. I am not quite sure how it got there but your grandma had told me that you were attacked by wanderers during the Chronorift Catastrophe fourteen years ago. You were among the first people ever to be attacked by them, especially attacked by them and survive. Quite frankly you are lucky to be alive from that alone.

“Josephine also told me that you were saved by someone who took out the wanderers that were attacking you, which, again, is a miracle considering we had no idea how to deal with them at the time.

“With this information I have always hypothesized that when the wanderer attacking you was killed, that fractured its protocore, and somehow part of if ended up residing in your heart. I cannot be for sure how it happened as by the time I had first seen you, any external injuries from the attack had healed.”

For the first time, probably since Kore met him, Dr. Noah seemed to be uncertain about what he was saying, almost as if he knew more than he was letting on. Unsure what to make of that, Kore filed it away in her brain for later. Nonetheless, Dr Noah continued on.

“There is also an issue with your Evol. It is relatively rare for someone with Protocore Syndrome to have. But, it is seen more in those with aether cores.”

“You mean there’s more people like me?” Kore asked, intrigued for the first time.

“I only know about a handful of people, but yes there are more like you,” the doctor said reassuringly, however he was quick to walk some of his statement back, “Of course I cannot share much about them with you, and even I am not privy to such knowledge.” The doctor chuckled a little as if he was trying to make her forget his slip up.

“Well, anyways, I should probably be starting on dinner soon,” he said, changing the subject.

“Do you need any help Dr. Noah?” Kore asked, standing up.

“No, no, no. Sit back down. Besides, you are a guest here, I wouldn’t dare make you lift a finger,” he said while pulling out a large stockpot and potatoes.

“Well, what about Zayne, wasn’t he helping earlier with breakfast?”

“Oh, no, he doesn’t count. He has been here far too many times and he needs to start pulling his weight around here,” Dr. Noah said, struggling to carry the pot full of water to the stove.

“If I can’t help with dinner then what can I do,” Kore asked, getting antsy.

“My dear girl, didn’t you hear what I just said? You are a guest here,” he said before pausing, “If you insist on doing something why don’t you sit and listen to an old man’s stories? But you have to stay seated.”

Kore sighed defeatedly, but nodded in agreement. Content with her response, Dr. Noah smiled at her as he pulled out a cutting board.

“Would you like to hear some stories about your grandma?” he asked, seeing Kore’s face change to one of interest he continued, “Where to start… Ah, I know..” As he cooked, the old doctor told Kore stories about how he had met her grandmother and the antics they used to get up to.

He continued to speak, cutting vegetables haphazardly as he went, causing them to be in all different sizes and shapes. Kore wasn’t sure if he knew what he was cooking, or if he even knew how to cook. He would use the large chef’s knife that he was wielding to make wild gestures as he talked.

“... she always had a soft spot for you and Caleb, even before she adopted you when the experiment was forced to stop,” his eyes went wide as he realized what he had just said, “Whoops, sorry I can’t talk about that. I mean it’s just the ramblings of a silly old man, pay me no mind.”

Kore’s eyebrows furrowed. What the hell is he talking about? Grandma adopted us after we were orphaned during the Catastrophe. Is his memory okay? Kore thought to herself, confused and concerned. But there was already a seedling of doubt in her mind from the fact she had never told her about the aether core.

It was just then that Zayne made a reappearance. Dr. Noah sighed in relief as he walked in and the focus was shifted away from himself.

“Perfect timing, Zayne,” he said with a big smile, “Dinner is just about ready, why don’t you get out some bowls and spoons to set the table.” Zayne did what he was told. “Oh, and grab that loaf of bread over there, and some butter too, it will pair well with our soup.”

Zayne had an uncharacteristic look of horror that flashed over his face, which was missed by Kore and Dr. Noah alike. He hadn’t even thought about the doctor cooking by himself; he had been so used to helping him in the kitchen the realization that Kore wouldn’t be never crossed his mind.

Humming happily to himself, Dr. Noah ladled large servings of the soup, into each bowl. He insisted that both Zayne and her start eating right away while he returned the pot to the stove, continuing to mess around in the kitchen.

Beyond hungry from the long day, Kore eagerly started to eat. The soup, or was it a stew, was an otherworldly experience, just not in a good way. Stunned that the elder man was able to create something that was practically a non-Newtonian fluid, she wasn’t sure what to make of it.

She had no idea that something could be bland yet overwhelming. The last time she had tasted something this salty it was when she was a kid making cookies and Caleb switched the salt and the sugar. Caleb had found his prank hilarious… until he got excited about the cookies and stuffed about three in his mouth. Grandma, who had intended to punish him for the prank, found the whole thing funny and decided that he had punished himself enough. Although annoying at the time it was now a fond memory, even more so now that they were gone.

“In his old age, Dr. Noah’s taste buds have gotten dull,” Zayne whispered leaning into Kore, “don’t worry about actually eating it. If you would like, you can just pretend to so you don’t have to worry about hurting his feelings. After dinner I will clean up and make it seem like you ate the entire bowl.”

Noise radiated from the kitchen, clearly Dr. Noah was looking for something, there was a small grumble of curses before he gave up and returned to the table, clearly upset.

“Oh, there’s the bread!” he said joyously. The old man chuckled to himself and sat down. He was quick to devour his bowl of soup and did so eagerly. He even went to go and grab seconds.

“What did you guys talk about while I was away?” Zayne asked, folding his hands on the table. Kore found it to be a thinly veiled attempt to avoid eating the soup, Dr. Noah, however, paid it no mind.

“I was just telling Kore over here some stories about Josephine and our time back in school. She was quite a riot,” he said, seemingly delighted to share. “You know, come to think of it, she isn’t the only/first colleague of mine who interned with me at Ever to die recently. There was also James Higgins -”

Kore looked up at that name and her stomach dropped. “James Higgins? As in Dr. James Higgons, the professor at Linkon University studying metaflux?” she asked worriedly.

“The very same, did you know him?” Dr. Noah responded.

“No,” Kore admitted dejectedly. Zayne gave her a questioning look to which she mouthed ‘later’ to.

“Ironically enough it was a metaflux explosion that killed him,” the doctor continued, glossing right over Kore’s response. She sat quietly for the rest of dinner.

Next >

[by-speaker]

Enemies to Lovers (ENG. VER.)

Prompts by @raven-cincaide-words

First part

It had been a while since he had signed his marriage contract, the ceremony was due to take place in a couple more weeks and everyone in the palace was going crazy, they had to accommodate a lot of nobles, royalty, and gods. 

Missa was bored with all the preparations, tired of the maids poking and prodding and measuring, but most of all he was fed up with Philza. Always nagging, always complaining that Missa didn't know what he was doing, in reality Missa didn't know what he was doing, and worst of all.

“If you were a real god, you would know all this.” Complained Philza again, Missa clenched her jaw, because she knew that if he opened his mouth this alliance would be over instantly. 

The patience of both was at its limit. The palace tensions grew and grew, Missa stood by while the maids poked and prodded and bored him with their deadly chatter. Until Philza burst in, one of his guards following close behind. 

“Missael, move,” he said, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him out of the room. 

“Hey, watch it, mortal!” Missa said, pulling his arm from the emperor, being careful not to kill him. ‘What's wrong with you?’

Philza turned around, somewhat annoyed, but he looked concerned, something in his eyes glowing with something akin to urgency and anxiety. 

“For once in your immortal fucking life could you do as you're told without question,” Philza replied irritably, Philza.

“No!” Missa snarled at him, finally releasing his grip, “If you don't tell me what the fuck is going on, I'm not going with you!”

Philza sighed in frustration, “Some rebels and lesser gods are attacking the palace, apparently they appreciate our union as much as we do.” 

Missa's eyes widened in surprise, “Who would be stupid enough to attack the Arctic Empire?”

Philza let out a bitter laugh. “Apparently, a group of lesser gods who think our union will unbalance the power in the pantheon. And some mortals who think I'm betraying the empire by marrying a foreign god.”

Missa frowned, processing the information. “Well, I suppose they're right about one thing: neither of us wanted this marriage in the first place.”

For a moment, something akin to grief crossed Philza's eyes, but it disappeared so quickly that Missa thought he had imagined it.

“That doesn't matter now,” Philza said, his voice turning serious. “What matters is that they're attacking my people, my home. And believe it or not, that includes you now.”

Missa felt a pang of guilt. Despite their differences, Philza was trying to protect him. Missa was silent for a couple of seconds. The idea that he a minor god, was now part of the most powerful empire in this dimension because of a mere commitment to his mother was almost chilling. 

Yet here he was trapped in a marriage he hadn't asked for, being attacked for reasons he didn't understand. 

“And what am I supposed to do?” the god asked, almost offended.

Philza looked sideways at him, his voice a little softer this time, “Protect what is yours… even if you don't want to accept it. This is no longer just my kingdom, it's yours too, darling.” 

The god was surprised at the emperor's statement, your kingdom, he had never thought of it, to him the Arctic Empire was a cold and distant place, just another burden, not something that belonged to him. But the way Philza said it, that seriousness and conviction, made him take the threat more seriously. 

This was no longer a game. 

Missa was silent for a moment, processing Philza's words. The reality of his situation was beginning to settle in his mind. He was no longer just a minor god trapped in an unwanted marriage; he was now part of something bigger, something that people were willing to attack and defend.

“My kingdom,” Missa murmured, testing how the words sounded in his mouth. He looked at Philza, his eyes shining with a new determination. “You're right. This isn't a game any more.”

Philza nodded, a small smile of approval curving his lips. “I'm glad you understand. Now, we need to move. Are you ready to defend what's yours?”

Missa summoned his scythe, the weapon materialising in his hands in a swirl of dark energy. “More than ready. What's the plan, Emperor?”

“First, we need to get to the throne room,” Philza said, unsheathing his own sword. “From there, we can access the secret passages and regroup our forces.”

They began to move through the corridors of the palace, the sound of battle growing louder and louder. Missa was surprised at how natural it felt to fight alongside Philza, as if they had been doing it for centuries.

As they fought their way through a group of attackers, Missa couldn't help but notice the grace and power with which Philza moved. It was almost… supernatural.

“You know,” Missa said, dodging an attack and counterattacking with his scythe, “for a mortal, you fight like you've had centuries of experience.’’

Philza laughed, a sound that somehow managed to be both amused and dangerous. “Maybe there's more to me than you think, little death.”