#i think im going to not change it specifically to make zero mad

[snekdood]

my bf told me it was “might as well” not minus well but idc bc my version is quicker and u already know what im saying so who care

[lesboytistic]

is my work gaslighting me or am i having legit memory loss

no, that’s not rhetorical or a meme, i actually am really confused

Yesterday I got a call from the new manager at the place I work at and she asked me if i was still coming in today, to which i responded that I didn’t know I was scheduled. She said that one of the other managers told her that they had spoken to me verbally to let me know that there was a schedule change and that I was indeed supposed to be working that day from 3-9:30 (two hours more than i have ever been scheduled for a single shift so far).

I have absolutely ZERO recollection of this, not even the faintest “Oh, *maybe* that was said to me and i guess i forgot?” And I had literally worked the night before and i know that nobody said anything like that to me when i was there, if they had i would’ve definitely had at least a vague, faint memory?? im really not usually the type to completely forget things that happened to me, yes it happens sometimes (i think everyone has that to an extent) but it really isn’t often? I nearly always have my memory jogged when the event is reminded to me, especially recent events.

So that confused me a lot but ultimately I decided to brush it aside and thank the universe for giving me the much needed extra hours.

But tonight when I went in a different manager than the one i spoke to on the phone made sure to remind me that i have to take out the trash from my station after every closing shift, saying that I didn’t do it the last time I worked that station?

but YALL. i LITERALLY DID, i KNOW that i did???? Like i REMEMBER it. Both trash cans were full, so i couldn’t combine their contents into one like i had been doing in my past closing shifts, and had to carry both trash bins to the compactor. That’s a SPECIFIC memory i have that i KNOW is true???

SHE EVEN TOLD ME “Yeah I thought you did too, i heard you going over there” but insisted that she came by later that night (or maybe the next morning idk she didn’t specify the timeframe) and it wasn’t done. She said like “Oh no don’t worry I’m not mad, just make sure it gets done tonight” when i tried to tell her that i thought i did, and sadly i had to just apologize and say that i’ll definitely do that tonight (this was before i had to go home early for not feeling well, so ig technically i did not hold true to that but whatever)

Like one incident I can forget/brush aside without too much thought, I mentioned it to my therapist before work today and resolved to just ask to have any future schedule changes be provided to me in writing as well as verbally, but twice across two days?? HUH??

genuinely WHAT is going on, are these red flags for a shitty workplace or is there something going on with my memory or what

[cnidariandreams]

ive marinated on this now

i think the core of it is that taki understands her frustrations with her situation, but isn't able to embrace her emotions on the same level as the others (also maybe why we dont have time for a taki arc this cour, assuming mygo gets another one) but im pretty sure sakiko reminds her of her sister in some way?

saki and anon were able to connect with tomori because although they do have their own issues, they have clear goals and ambitions. all taki has known is push, push, push, getting out of her sister's shadow while wrestling with her own interest in the same field. she became bossy in that way and is frustrated when things aren't going right, and trying to make important decisions on her own. she doesn't interact with her classmates outside of umiri, she's a lone wolf learning to play on a team

taki is also the Protector that jumps into defense mode whenever her strong sense of justice (neurospicy brain neurospicy brain) comes forward, but she takes everything much more straightforwardly than everyone else. tomori is thinking about how the band broke up, taki wants to show her she'll have her back no matter what, but speaks without regard for tomori's concerns (like every time taki gets mad at or is closed off toward anon and tomori looks frightenedly between the two. it's a rift she is now hyperaware of)

soyo made a point when she said taki should tell tomori how she really feels ! but taki is scared of that because she's also seeing how her words dont seem to help tomori

she thinks "if i can do this for her, if i can change this for her" then it'll work out. not to mention that yeah, taki enjoyed that post-live bliss and probably wants to recreate that! but tomori seems almost happiest when just sitting in a room with the others.

so all that to say tomori probably is just a little scared of taki and is going into pillbug mode around her and rolling away or being shocked whenever taki shows some affection. in general whenever tomori zeroes in on a situation in her head she walks away so i dont think its taki specific but it does have an interesting effect on their dynamic

re:taki im really curious about tomori's view of taki... they live near each other and go home from practice together but tomori walks away from taki several times, especially when taki is trying (but failing) to make tomori feel better. does tomori see taki's big shows of defending her as just that, big shows? because it doesnt seem like tomori takes any of her words to heart. does she remember when taki got up in arms when saki left? did tomori notice that taki only latched on to her after their first live, and remembers her ability to be cruel even to tomori herself? but taki also had other moments of guiding tomori, like at karaoke? maybe she's just not reaching tomori in a way that really helps??

we know taki has a complex about her sister but id love to see more of how it bleeds into her and tomori's dynamic :^3 her struggles as mygo composer are already <33

[yandere-daze]

Ok i have been thinking about the reason why the game would try and make you an idol when you enter the enstar world.

The biggest reason why I think it would prioritize making you an idol than just a producer is because the game primarily focuses on the idol aspect. The producers are there yes but it's mostly the idols that get most attention. And since it's a game, its coded to make the player feel entertained. Being an idol gives you more involvement in the story overall so it pushing you to become an idol, even if its against your own will, isn't really too far off.

I also love the idea that the twins look almost exactly like us. Gives it more of a horror vibe and I'm down for it. Also I feel like the game would also give these twins a specific set of skills and cheats that would help the player in their journey to becoming an idol. Oh you're too broke to join this live? No worries the twins came from a powerful and rich family, money isnt a problem. You don't have anyone to design your clothes? The twins have some people they know that can do that! Since they are a blank slate, the game can pretty much add whatever they want about the twins' life, which is usually for your own convenience.

While I would love to think the game is also a yandere for us (since it would be fun to think about), its behavior towards us is probably because its a game. Games tend to focus on making sure the player is having fun and keeps making things fun to get you to stay. Now that your in their world, the system then changes its approach on how to make this whole 'im stuck in another world' fun.

Id feel bad for the player who got into the game cause ik every event is gon involve them and thats probably more stressful than fun lmao.

gn reader

tw yandere

Why the game might make you an idol and more thoughts on the n/a twins supporting you

Those are some really good ideas! And I agree with the fact that the idols are usually more involved in the story compared to the producer/ Anzu, especially in the !! era. So if the game wants you to be a part of it´s world and include you as much as possible, it would make a lot of sense to turn you into an idol, even against your will.

I mean yes, you probably don´t have any prior knowledge about being an idol ( I doubt anyone that is an idol irl would read my fanfiction x,dfnsl), that doesn´t really matter. It can just twist the world itself to give you all the opportunities and talents you need. It would be no fun for you to just be a background Npc, right? The game wants you to be entertained so it needs to put you in the spotlight!

And I know right? The twins looking eerily similar to you is absolutely perfect and a great idea. Mad props to 🔆 anon for sending that in. It´s a really cool AU to think about!

The twins having these “cheats” is also something I can totally see. I already mentioned here that the game tries it absolute best to make you important and support you with all means necessary and that could include messing with what the n/a twins are able to do. I mean they´re only hastily put-together characters in the first place, they´re placeholders, completely void of any unique features. They carry your face and interests. They have absolutely zero connection to the enstars plot as a whole as they were simply created by the game to support you.

So it´s very simple to make something up about their upbringing. Nothing is known about them so nothing the game makes up on the fly contradicts the canon. No one is going to notice. So what if no one has ever heard of this nameless super rich family? It simply wasn´t mentioned before. No one can prove it *doesn´t* exist, right? So it´s all right to mold the twins until they fit whatever you may need at the moment.

This entire world was made for you after all <3

( And yes, being involved with every single event would be so exhausting, the poor player. Can´t imagine that )

[im-no-jedi]

happy May the Fourth! ✨✨✨ and happy one year anniversary to the premiere of The Bad Batch! 💙💙💙

Star Wars in general has always been a big part of my life, but this show and these characters have impacted me in a very special way that I will be eternally grateful for. more sappy rambling and a looooooooong backstory under the cut:

as I said, Star Wars has been in my life for as long as I can remember. my parents are MASSIVE fans, with my mom proudly being a SW hipster (she was one of the people hyped about the movie before it even came out) LOL. I wasn’t a fan at first though! in fact, I hated Star Wars for several years of my life. mostly due to the fact that Palpatine and especially Darth Vader scared the ever-loving crap out of me. I made a vow as a child to never watch Star Wars ever for as long as I lived.

then The Phantom Menace came out. I had just turned 11 when the movie first premiered (literally the day after my birthday!). my parents of course absolutely HAD to see the movie, and after doing so, they both HAD to tell me how much they thought I would enjoy it. number one, Vader and Palpatine weren’t in it (technically they were, but I didn’t know that yet 😉), and number two, there was a character in the movie that they 100% knew that I was going to love. that character, as most of you know, was Jar-Jar Binks. and it was thanks to good ol’ Jar-Jar Binks that my parents finally convinced me to watch a Star Wars movie.

needless to say, I loved the movie and proudly proclaimed it as one of my favorite movies ever for quite some time. and just two years later, I watched through the entire original trilogy while getting over a nasty cold. ever since then, Return of the Jedi has been definitively one of my top favorite movies, second now only to Tron Legacy 💙

because of my introduction to the series through TPM though, I’ve always had a massive soft spot for the prequel era. which is funny to me looking back because I had zero interest in The Clone Wars when it first came out. especially after finding out the series focused so heavily on the Clones. I had no idea why anyone would want to watch a show about “stormtrooper wannabes” or Anakin having a padawan. I specifically remember watching the Rookies episode randomly on TV once and thinking “why are they trying to make me care about these guys?”

oh poor naive young me... 😂

gradually, I got more interested in the show and even got over my apparent disdain for the Clones, but I was only ever a casual fan of the show. Ham and I would only watch it when we happened to catch it on TV basically. 

but then... oh but then... the Umbara arc happened. y’all when I tell you my life actually CHANGED after watching that arc... I have literally never been the same. that arc not only singlehandedly got me back into the show (as in now I HAD to watch the new episodes every week), but it solidified my love for the Clones. and that is an understatement if I ever said one. calling myself a “Clone fangirl” doesn’t even cut it imo. 

most of y’all know what happened after that. you can go back in the annals of my blog, all the way back in 2012 to witness my decent into TCW madness. I started using this username (im-no-jedi) back then, and although I’ve changed it a few times since then, this is the only name I’ve ever gone back to more than once. and I have no plans on changing it ever again now 💙

now to specifically talk about TBB. cause I have much to say about this particular corner of the Star Wars franchise.

I remember when the unfinished arc first came out, after TCW was initially cancelled, before Disney brought it back again. 2015 was a good year for Star Wars fans; that was the year The Force Awakens was announced, and I was ECCSTATIC. but we’re not talking about the sequel trilogy on this post, nope (despite me being one of the only persons in my family who actually likes it *COUGHS*). 

anyway! Ham and I were super intrigued by the concept of TBB, and to no one’s surprise, we loved them immediately. I believe we liked them so much, we actually watched the unfinished arc twice (Ham can correct me if I’m wrong LOL). also, I posted about this already, but I actually drew a little fanart of a chibi Hunter back then; I had planned on drawing all of them, but only ever drew Hunter (talk about fate, right? 😏). so needless to say, we were sooooooooo happy that when Disney brought TCW back, the TBB arc was one of the ones that made the cut! rip in peace to the Padme pinup art joke though 😞✊🏻

I’m gonna be honest now... as much as I loved them, I was quite shocked when I found out Disney was making a spinoff show about them. of course, I was happy to just be getting more Clones content, especially since it directly related to TCW. I’ve also always wanted to see how the Clones dealt with the aftermath of Order 66. and like I said, I liked the boys a lot! I was just skeptical if they could carry a show all by themselves is all.

and oh boy. ohhhhhhh boy. history once again repeated itself with this one. in a BIG way.

at the time the show came out, I was running a DnD campaign. so I remember, although I loved it right off the bat, I wasn’t able to fully give my full attention to it because I was so focused on running my game. and ironically, by the time the season ended, I also ended up taking a break from my game. so I decided to rewatch the show again, giving it my full attention this time. and, well, the rest is history, I don’t need to say anymore, y’all witnessed my decent into madness last year and don’t need to relive that 😝

I want to actually get into my feelings about the show though, and why it’s impacted me so much. time for another wall of text! 🤣

as I’ve already stated, the Clones are my favorite thing about Star Wars, period. and TBB is no exception. in fact, I would go so far as to argue that TBB is a perfect example of why I love them so much (on par with the Umbara arc at least). and I didn’t fully realize it until watching this show. but it’s the real reason I love Star Wars as a franchise in general.

it’s about family. Star Wars has always been about family and the bonds that form (or break) because of that. however, aside from the Skywalkers, we don’t see much of actual blood-related families. and don’t get me wrong here! I looooooooove me a good Found Family and am a HUGE fan of the trope. but to me, the best stories will always be about families that are formed through blood, as well as choice. and that’s exactly what the Clones are. technically, they’re related through blood. but it’s also by choice. they choose to view each other as brothers and treat each other as such. and I would definitely argue that the best example of this is TBB.

with the rest of the Clones, it’s easy to see the similarities between them. they of course have their own perks and behaviors, but none of them as varied as TBB. and to me, that makes all the difference. I like seeing variation in families. it reminds me of my own family.

and that there is the core of it all for me. what it all boils down to. TBB reminds me of my own family. all the way down to the fact that there are six people in my family, and four of us are siblings. I see myself and my three siblings in the og four TBB boys. not exactly character wise (although I’ve gone into detail before how much I personally relate to Hunter), but the bond the four of them have greatly reminds me of the bond I have with my three siblings. even down to Crosshair leaving the group, to a certain degree. I’ve even got a similar age difference to my youngest sister that’s akin to Hunter and Omega! (if Hunter was actually in his mid 20s of course LOL)

another thing that I personally relate to is the characters’ circumstance. I’ve not been secret about how my teenage years were hard. my dad lost his job when I was 15, and my life completely changed after that. my family nearly lost everything. we even lost all the people in our lives we considered “friends”. we had nobody but each other, and we were trying our best to just survive for quite some time. much like TBB has been since Order 66.

I know 100% for a fact that this is why the show is so special to me. showing that family bond, while also showing the characters struggle to make it in a galaxy that’s constantly against them... I can relate to it. 

and that’s what makes Star Wars so great to me. the vastness of the universe allows for literally anything to happen, which means someone will inevitably be able to find that (1) thing that they can latch onto and relate to. for me, it’s TBB. and I will forever be grateful to the people who made this show a reality. thank you for making me feel like I’m a part of the Star Wars universe 💙💙💙

....which I am now thanks to MLWTBB 😉

[cinnamonest]

I feel like I’ve found my kin, I fell in love with Kakashi when I was like 8 LOL. Can I request some general yandere Zoro headcanons btw? I loved/still love him too 😶

Yes you may ahhh!!!! I love Zoro so much. I love writing for fandoms like this bc shounen anime are... Well, shounen, they're aimed at dudes, so they tend to not have as large of a female audience so there's not a lot of content out there. I love Luffy and there's like zero girl-targeted content for him. I swear I've spent so much time looking for wholesome, decent LuNa (my otp im sorry i just hhhh) doujins that aren't super male-oriented, and there's like... 2. For a 900+ episode anime. 2.

I also love the concept of a yandere in a situation where they CAN'T kidnap you, they're limited by their circumstances, so they have to kind of adjust or go insane. It's an interesting dynamic because it eliminates the norm for yanderes.

I think I mentioned this but I'm not 100% caught up with one piece (I mean, who is?), so I'm just keeping it simplistic and going with kinda basic Zoro and nothing with specific character developments or any spoilers other than his backstory

Yandere Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

Tws: all the usuals -- yandere, noncon, kidnapping

He meets you while he's lost. I'm sorry I just. Zoro gets lost in the middle of some place they're docked, and you're just such a sweetheart, you see this guy clearly not knowing where he's going, and offer to help him. He's kind of taken aback by your softness and sweetness.

He's not easily made aware of his own feelings. He's a rough and tough sort of guy, and he has dedicated himself to swordsmanship so much that he's neglected to focus on himself and his interpersonal relationships, and he's not really self aware at all of his own feelings, very out of touch with his emotions.

Obviously, even if he tries to shove it down, Kuina weighs heavily on his mind in relation to you. He's another man that has known loss and it's dealt its damage on his psyche. He can't lose another person who's dear to him again.

This results in him becoming insanely protective, one of the most protective yans out there. He's easily one led into paranoia delusions regarding your safety. However, he's an honest and reasonable guy and can be level-headed when confronted. If someone (not yourself, as he thinks you're naive, but maybe another girl like Nami or Robin) tells him he's being overprotective and exaggerating about your safety, he may actually have a moment of self-realization and admit to it. He's capable of being reasonable enough to see it once it's pointed out to him. However... this doesn't stop him. He tries, really, he genuinely tells himself that he needs to stop. But his instincts just kind of take over. It's an impulse, to stop you from doing even the most slightly dangerous things.

Once you join the Straw Hat Crew, he just kinda... clings. It's a silent presence, but he's always there, constantly seems to show up wherever you are. Unfortunately, you can't really... get away from him per se. You're kinda limited to one ship, at least as long as you're out on the sea. Your only option for respite is going to your room or bathing, otherwise, he's gonna follow you, even if he's not saying anything and (very badly) trying to feign indifference, pretending you just happen to be going the same way all the time. He doesn't really know what to say, he's not good with these things, and often he's acting without really thinking too much about it. He won't usually strike up a conversation, he just... is there. Watches. May awkwardly ask a question or make a passing comment.

One scenario I imagine is you jokingly picking up one of his swords and wielding it around giggling and he just flips out, takes it from you and yells at you not to do that, are you an idiot? Do you want to trip and fall and have that impale you? Do you realize how easy it would be for you to slice your arm open by accident? It's startling to both you and anyone watching -- even for someone who gets yell-y as easily as him, it seems like an overreaction. He'll apologize but insist it's a safety thing, really.

And he really tries to hide his more... aggressive nature, because he thinks it will drive you away -- he's a blunt, tough guy with a short-fused temper, and he thinks that's definitely not something women like very much. He tries not to yell at you, not get mad so easy, keep his calm better around you, and might even be nicer to others so that you don't think he's mean. And for the most part, he can manage that. Except when it comes to a very specific, very problematic blonde crew member. His little conflicts with Sanji get worse, to even a point that he's snapping at him so frequently that even Sanji himself is a bit bewildered and caught off guard by it. The others notice they fight a lot more often... and Zoro always seems to instigate it, picking quarrels over the littlest things. In reality, he's afraid of the other's... sleazy nature. He can't have you falling for that bastard. He even starts to get jittery when you're in the presence of Franky, Usopp, hell even Luffy of all people. It's noticeable, and everyone kinda worries for him.

He kicks himself for it as soon as he does it, but he finds himself insulting you nonetheless. It's a terrible habit. He gets so awkward and flustered that it's second nature for him to say something snarky or even rude when you talk to him, and he immediately is just mentally screaming at himself for doing so. This will get a bit better with time, though, if you two talk more often.

Now, even if you can fight, you're never gonna really get the opportunity. In battle, he's clinging to you and protecting you at every moment, even if it costs the others some unnecessary wounds. It's highly uncharacteristic of him, and they notice. He won't leave your side, insisting that you're a weak fighter and that he has to take care of you. You just don't get it, you overestimate yourself, you underestimate your enemies, you're a girl. What, Nami and Robin? Well, they've been at this much longer than you, and they had rough upbringings. You're different. You're soft... fragile. You just can't see it. You're lucky he's here to protect your dumbass.

Due to your setup, well, he can't really kidnap you per se. He undoubtedly would if you two were somewhere else, in another life or another setting, but that's not really an option, and even as a yandere, he would never go so far as to kill or abandon his crew. So, he's stuck with just... slowly, slowly mentally deteriorating.

Now, he's not capable of kidnapping, he's not smart enough to really manipulate you into anything (although he WILL tell you that some of the other guys are out to use you), so, he's left to be the guard dog he inevitably becomes to you. If you avoid him, he'll just follow you. If you don't talk to him, that's ok. If you confront him, he'll just insist he has no idea what you're talking about, and you'll start to feel like maybe you're just paranoid. The others... don't really know what to do, to be honest. I can see Nami/Robin potentially confronting him, but in the end, they can't force him to change his behaviors, and they can't afford to lose him. This results in, gradually, everyone slowly kind of accepting your dynamic onboard. They feel bad for you, really, but... in the end, Zoro's just more valuable to the crew. Sorry. They're not gonna get rid of him, but they don't want to get rid of you either.

If you leave? It may just be one of the very very few things that could ever cause him to leave the Strawhats. It would tear him up, really, it goes against his dreams, his pride, his loyalty, but in the end... his loyalty is first and foremost to you. He'll follow you if you leave. It's a bad move on your part, because this gets rid of the only thing standing between you and kidnapping. Which, at that point, surely will happen. Like his other behaviors, he'll feel bad, he'll try and stop himself, tell himself it's wrong, but you'll end up bound in some dark basement nonetheless. He's one to take a very simple approach. Find you alone, sling you up and over his shoulder and carry you off before anyone can come.

Rejection doesn't faze him. No matter what, he'll remain by your side. Even if you never love him in return. It's just his nature, he's a guardian through and through.

In the end, he'll be right there by your side, scaring off any competitors, clinging to you like glue, ever in your presence like a shadow, forever. Whether you want him to or not. He's just an inescapable force, an unmovable object, and you're wasting your time trying to change your fate.

Now, he's very flustered with anything sexual. Highly embarrassed, lots of shame, and doesn't talk much about it. It just kind of happens. He doesn't talk much during, mostly grunts and the occasional fuck when you clamp down, occasionally asking you if you're ok, if it hurts, if it feels good. It's one of the only very soft sides of him. In the end, he really, truly loves you, and doesn't want to hurt you, he wants you to feel good and just love him. It's a very different side to him, one no one else has ever really seen, it's the most vulnerable he himself has ever been with another person.

He feels shame for it, but initially he'll definitely be one to steal your things, sit outside of your room at night, listening to you through the wall, try and get glimpses of you bathing or dressing. He really, really feels guilty, and he's one that will, once you're comfortably restrained and never going anywhere, just sit down and list out every nasty little thing he's ever done regarding you, just to get it off his chest. He understands if you react badly, and he'll apologize, which is a bit ironic considering how much worse kidnapping you is.

He'll apologize for that, too. He's actually one to do so a lot. He's normally a proud guy, but with this? He knows it's wrong, he knows it's fucked up. He knows he can't stop. And he'll be sorry to the moon and back. Just never sorry enough to stop.

He's actually a pretty vanilla guy. Hand-holding missionary type. And, despite being so embarrassed over it all, oddly romantic about it. It's one of the only things he's ever soft and gentle about, it's almost unbelievable to you that he's capable of being so gentle and slow with anything. But he'll kiss your forehead, really take his time with it all, make you cum on his fingers before ever actually fucking you. Hold your hand, look into your eyes. It would be honestly incredibly sweet if it weren't... you know, taking place in some dark sealed off room after dragging you there against your will.

If he's particularly mad, he can get rougher, but he'll apologize after. It's a lot of harsh grabbing, biting, it leaves bruises that he'll rub over softly, whispering an apology, even if a little part of him likes the way it looks on you.

[cocogukkie]

2020 in review: kdramas (the heart fluttering, the disappointing, the saviors of 2020)

it’s december 31st! the new year is quite literally upon us (some of y’all are already in 2021) and my procrastinating self has chosen to upload this today. i’ve always loved these rec lists and I wanted to do one for 2020! this year was a rollercoaster for kdramas with some excellent ones and some not so excellent ones. i watched all of these in 2020 but not all of them were released in 2020.

if you want to use my questions to make your own list please do!! or give your favs in the tags, i’d love to read them. (fair warning, some of these have multiple answers bc i just can’t choose one!!)

drama that made me laugh

When The Camellia Blooms (2019)

i finally got around to watching when the camellia blooms this year and it. was. so. funny. oh my goodness, the comedic timing in so many scenes was pure excellency and im kinda mad at myself that i didn’t watch this last year. this isn’t just a comedy for those who are interested, its a thriller/romance but its also so fucking funny. definitely watch this if you want to laugh (and be touched bc the emotional scenes in this one are beautiful)

drama that made me cry

Sweet Home (2020)

hahah….. um this one is gonna go to sweet home friends. i went into this one with zero expectations and the first couple episodes didn’t really wow me? but i kept watching and holy shit fam. this show really picks up story-wise around ep 4 and makes the viewer love a lot of these initially unlikable characters. all i can say is that the end was devastating for me and i cried quite a bit. (warning, there are a lot of mature themes in this one so make sure you look for trigger warnings or send me an ask and i’ll list them all out for you) 

best OST

Itaewon Class (2020) 

i loved the ost for itaewon class!! the music is just so inspirational and pump up music, its so good. my favorites are ‘you make me back’ by woosung and ‘start’ by gaho.

drama with chemistry royalty (aka the best couple) 

i have three for this one because i just cannot choose one. 

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

we recognize this one as one of the best things to come out of 2020. go moon young and moon kang tae have some of the best chemistry i have ever seen in a drama couple. i waited on the edge of my seat every single week for the next couple of episode just so i could fawn over these two. they work so well together, lift each other up, and so fucking funny together and support one another. while they’re not the chillest couple (lmao) they’re most certainly one with the most personality. they’re so cute and bicker and they just get each other. who could ask for more.

Flower of Evil (2020)

our badass mom and dad 😭😭. this was another peak drama that came out this year and our married partners-in-crime-but-not-really had amazing chemistry. baek hee sung and cha ji won were so cute as a married couple but they were even more precious later on in the drama after certain things unfolded (no spoilers). they both just get each other and protected one another as well as on the most precious kdrama children this year, their daughter eunha. they were so wholesome, flower of evil is so very worth a watch.

Into The Ring (2020)

this was one of the more underappreciated kdramas of the year but hoo buddy was the main couples chemistry top notch. they were so friggin cute and i just couldn’t. goo se ra is highkey one of the best female characters i’ve ever seen, she’s absolute chaos, lawful chaos, but chaos nonetheless. her other half, seo gong myung is opposite from her as lawful neutral. he’s just along for the ride that is se ra and loves her. they’re both so very fond and protective of each other and back each other up!! very very cute and you’ll definitely replay more than a couple of their scenes together.

most disappointing

Record of Youth (2020)

it’s sad but true… i went into this one with so much hope and excitement (i was riding off that ‘psycho but its okay’ high) and i was vastly disappointed. the plot mostly focused on the male lead, and there wasn’t much characterization for the female lead which i didn’t like. honestly, i only cared about maybe 3-4? characters in the whole drama. the rest were absolutely terrible or plain boring and i ended up skipping eps 14 and 15 and just watched the finale. i would not recommend tbh.

drama you can’t really get through

Crash Landing on You (2019)

this one is absolutely on me, i want so badly to love this one. but i just… can’t seem to get past ep 2? i’ve tried!! i swear, but i just cannot get through it. maybe in 2021, i can try again and i’ll enjoy it more.

drama everyone else liked but was meh

Kairos (2020)

i though kairos was a bit predictable tbh. i know those of us who did end up watching it really liked it but maybe its because i watch so many crime/mystery shows that this one didn’t really do it for me. the writing is quite solid and everything connects well, i would recommend that those who don’t really watch thrillers, to watch this one. (also the friendship between the female lead and her two friends is suuuper cute and worth it alone to watch kairos)

favorite romance

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

yeah… this one wins again lol. what can i say, i just loved it so much and the main theme of the show is romance (its also a comedy and a mental health/healing drama) all i can say is watch this if you haven’t yet, its definitely worth it!! 

favorite mystery

Memorist (2020)  & Watcher (2019)

i really enjoyed these two mystery dramas. both were super fun to watch and very kinda unique in their own ways. i liked memorist because it was lowkey funny and i liked the relationships between the characters, but most importantly i couldn’t guess the main antagonist by the end! i really thought i knew who it was and then i was completely wrong lmao. watcher was also very good, the main trio had really good chemistry and i really cared about all the characters. (also i’ll never say no to watching seo kang joon) plus the plot twists threw me a bit at the end which is always a feeling i welcome, i love being surprised and wrong (as long as it makes sense)

favorite slice of life

Hospital Playlist (2020)

oh my goodness, i was late to the hospital playlist party and i regret it because this show is so. so. good. its just a slice of life following 5 friends who are doctors and work at the same hospital together but its so much more than that. this is honestly one of the first shows i’ve seen that are optimistic? in the show, every time i thought a plot was going to play out a certain way (usually negatively, as tends to be life unfortunately) it surprised me by taking the more optimistic wholesome route. characters in subplots changed for the better, became more understanding, chose to do the right thing, etc. if you want a feel good drama where the main characters have wonderful platonic chemistry and just care about each other but is also super funny, watch hospital playlist!! (season 2 is coming out early 2021 and im so pumped)

favorite fantasy

The Untamed (2019)

this one is a cdrama but i watched it in 2020, mostly because of how many people on the internet were adamant that the rest of us watch this and ngl they were v right. the untamed was very very good and im really glad i gave it a chance and watched it, its also my first cdrama ever. the chemistry between the male leads is honestly what makes this show and its worth the 50? i think? episodes. to be completely honest the fanfiction for the show are peak and if you do watch this, go straight to ao3 and you will not be disappointed.

dramas that saved 2020

The Uncanny Counter (2020) & Run On (2020)

these two dramas are among those that started airing at the end of the year and will go into the beginning of 2021 and absolutely saved the end of 2020 for me. while neither of these are finished, both have been excellent so far and worth starting. uncanny counter has the best use of the found family trope i have ever seen. i fucking love the four counters and their relationship with each other, how protective they are of one another. they all have amazing chemistry and the actors have amazing chemistry in the making films.

run on has one of the cutest couples that will definitely make my best chemistry list for next year. i didn’t put them on this list bc they actually haven’t gotten together yet but once they do, they’re gonna be freaking adorable, i can already tell. there’s no specific grand events propelling the plot forward, but just following the lives of these unique, interesting and relatable people who have casual yet entertaining conversations with each other. the show is super soft and the main couple are so straightforward and honest (plus theres mutual pining!!)

best dramas of the year

here are my best dramas (and one movie) watched this year, no further explanation given lolol. just watch them and enjoy because these are fucking excellent in the feels department. trust me 💞

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

Flower of Evil (2020)

Itaewon Class (2020)

Hospital Playlist (2020)

One Spring Night (2019)

Midnight Runners (2017)

Hot Stove League (2019) 

I hope this gives you some fun stuff to watch!! or convince you to start that drama in your watchlists! 

[midnightsnyx]

Forever After All - Mat Barzal: part 2

summary: three years after a devastating break up, you wake up one morning in an unfamiliar apartment next to the man you thought was the love of your life: Mat Barzal. Is it a dream or a second chance? 

a/n: here is part 2! i have no idea how many parts this will be cause i have many plans and ideas for it. so i kinda want to explain something about the fic so it makes sense. the reader remembers the past, her breakup with Mat and what happened but when she woke up in the first part of this story, she obviously thinks she’s dreaming because Mat is there and she can’t remember what everybody is talking about regarding the previous days. im going to write some flashbacks (there’s one in this part) to give some backstory on what exactly happened. not sure if my explanation makes sense lol but yeah i wanted to try to explain it before you guys read this part!  anyway, i hope you guys like this!

word count: 2.2k warnings: none

forever after all masterpost

Part 2

You’re late for lunch because you spent nearly three hours picking through every inch of the apartment trying to get some answers because seriously, what the hell is going on? Everything you found was foreign and you couldn’t remember anything. Pictures, clothes, jewelry that you figured were from Mat that you had zero recollection of owning were neatly placed in the apartment you and Mat must be sharing.

So you’re not surprised when Hayden gives you her look. It could turn someone to stone but you’ve become immune to it through the years of your friendship. “You’re late.”

You pointedly look around the diner and raise a brow. “So is Jasper.”

She wrinkles her nose and shrugs. “Good point, I suppose.” Then she grins and looks at you expectantly. “So, how was last night?”

“Uh… last night?” You question because of course you have no idea what could’ve happened the previous night. You’re hoping she will fill in some of the blanks without being suspicious.

“Yours and Mat’s anniversary dinner?” She squints her eyes at you and then looks down at your hands that are neatly folded on the table. “And why aren’t you wearing it?”

You feel your entire body go cold and you know without seeing yourself that you look like a deer in headlights. “Wearing what?”

“The ring?” She says slowly and then her face drains of colour. “oh god, you guys didn’t break up did you? You two are like…” she waves her hands wildly. “The couple. This could break-”

You cut her off before she can stress herself out too much even through you’re still trying to process the current information. “We didn’t break up. I just…” you scramble your brain to come up with an excuse. “forgot to put it back on. After my shower.”

How the hell did you miss an engagement ring when you were going through your apartment?

“Okay, so how was last night? I want all the details. You know he’s been planning it for weeks.”

“Planning what?” Another voice says before you can answer. You look to your left to see Jasper sliding in the chair next to Hayden.

“Mat and Y/N’s anniversary dinner.” She explains and he grins.

“Oh, do tell. We need all the details.”

Great. They want all the details from a night you don’t remember.

You take a moment to figure out what to say. You don’t know if Hayden knew any of what Mat’s plans were so you can’t make something up completely.

“It was nice. You know what Mat’s like, he went all out.” You say because thinking back, when the two of you were together he had a tendency to go overboard. You knew it was his way of making up for being gone so often.

Hayden raises an eyebrow. “Awfully skimpy on the specifics.” you think she’s going to pry more but she just shrugs and smiles. “I’m sure it was lovely though.”

“It was.”

Jasper grins. “Good, ‘cause I don’t know if I could beat him in a fight.”

The smile you send back is forced because there’s so much information being thrown at you and you don’t know how to handle it. You just want whatever this is to be over.

Whatever it is, is messing with you and you’re not sure how much more you can take because it’s just reminding you of what you lost all those years ago.

. . .

After lunch you drive aimlessly through some of the neighborhoods on the island in attempt to clear your mind. There are aspects to what you’ve learned from Jasper and Hayden about your relationship with Mat that make sense. The ring caught you off guard but something that you knew after the two of you broke up was that he was planning on proposing.

It was a conversation you and Jasper had while you were grieving over your breakup. Your friends had been the rock you needed and listened when you needed to vent and were the shoulder to cry on. He showed up at your apartment at three in the morning when you’d called him crying with some chocolate and takeout in hand and the two of you had a heart to heart.

“Sam’s not mad I dragged you out of bed three in the morning is he?”

“Nah,” Jasper said. “He gets it.”

“Yeah,” you whispered. You knew the history Jasper had with dating and how understanding Sam was when they got together. He was the first guy who had the patience to deal with Jasper’s baggage and you were so grateful your best friend had found a guy who was deserving of him.

The two of you were quiet for a while, eating in silence and watching whatever movie he had put on.

“Can I tell you something?” He asked quietly and you nodded without looking up.

“He had a ring.”

It was in that moment that it felt like the entire world stopped. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, like you were drowning.

“He kind of asked for my permission? I don’t know. It was weird. I guess because he couldn’t ask a father figure in your life.”

When you felt like you could speak, you asked, “what did you tell him?”

“I told him that if he was going to give you that ring, he’d better be one hundred percent certain because I knew that if he proposed and then the two of you broke up, it was something you wouldn’t be able to get over. I told him not to hurt you.” He looked at you sadly and you’d realized there were thick tears making your cheeks wet. “I’m sorry.”

You just nodded and looked down at your left hand where there may have been a ring if things were different.

But they weren’t and there was no way you could have changed it.

. . .

You pull into the parking lot of yours and Mat’s apartment and slowly make your way in to the building. You didn’t notice his car so it’s probable that he isn’t home yet. You are glad because you want to find that engagement ring Hayden told you about.

You thought you searched everywhere but it was conveniently sitting on the bathroom counter. It’s beautiful and exactly the kind of ring you had always dreamed about which makes sense because this is a dream.

Sliding it on your ring finger, you examine it in the bright bathroom lighting. It somehow feels like it’s meant to be there while simultaneously feeling like it weighs a ton. Standing there for what feels like hours, staring at it, you nearly jump when you hear the front door open and close loudly. Mat calls out your name and you try to collect yourself because you can’t act as weird as you were this morning. You need to act normal until you figure out what exactly is going on.

“Babe?” He calls again and you hear his footsteps approaching the bathroom you’re in.

You ignore the way your voice cracks when you answer. “Yeah?”

He stops in the doorway and the smile he gives you takes your breath away. It’s painful how easy this feels - standing here with him in the apartment.

“How was lunch?” He asks, walking towards you and taking your left hand in his. His thumb runs across the engagement ring and the way he’s looking at you distracts you long enough that he raises an eyebrow, pulling you out of your thoughts.

Clearing your throat, you smile. “It was nice. They asked about last night.” You say, hoping he might give away some details.

“It wasn’t too much was it? I know how you feel about making a big deal over occasions but I couldn’t help myself.”

Helpful. You want to say but he’s looking at you expectantly so you wrap your arms around him and hide your face in his chest to hide the disappointment on your face. “No, it was perfect.”

You feel him press a kiss to the top of your head when he slides his arms around your waist. It’s so familiar, being held in his arms that it makes you want to cry because as much as you tried to move on after your breakup, you missed this. You missed him.

“Still coming to the game tonight?” He mumbles in to your hair and you just nod, knowing your voice will probably give away how close you are to tears. You step back and turn towards the shower.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” You tell him even though you’d showered this morning. You need to distance yourself from him to clear your head.

“Cool. I’m going to make some food, are you hungry or still full from lunch?”

“I can eat.” You say, reaching out to turn the shower on. When you’re satisfied with the temperature, you turn to look at him. Despite the affection you’ve shown him, you’re not ready to undress in front of him even though he’s seen you without clothes a million times when you were dating.

But this is different.

“You okay with some eggs and bacon? I know it’s a little late but that’s what I’m feeling.”

“I think it’s actually ‘cause you don’t know how to cook anything else.” You tease, laughing when he pouts.

“I’m wounded, Y/N.” He says, placing a hand over his heart and you can tell he’s holding back a smile. You walk towards his and give him a small push.

“Go make food.”

“Yes ma’am,” he grins, leaning down to kiss you before leaving the bathroom.You close and lock the door behind him, quickly stripping and hopping in to the shower. Knowing Mat will take quite a bit of time cooking, you let yourself stand under the hot water longer than normal and try to calm your mind.

It works pretty well because you are fairly clear minded when you finally go out to the kitchen. He’s just finishing cooking and you sit at the table while he dishes up the food. He sits across from you and you listen as he rambles on about how practice was and you try not to zone out but you can’t help it.

Sitting here with him with your feet resting on top of his and him insisting on holding one of your hands while you eat makes your heart ache.

Part of you still wants whatever is going on to end so you can go back to your old life but the selfish part of you wants to stay forever because you have Mat back and everything feels so perfect with him and you almost think you can forget about the past and the horrible break up between the two of you. This past day alone feels like one of the best days you’ve had in forever and it’s not even over. You’re almost afraid to go to bed tonight not knowing what you will wake up to.

If this is a dream, it’s going to break your heart to wake up and you don’t know how much more pain your heart can handle.

So for now, you let yourself savor this moment and try to forget everything about the past. You let yourself be excited for the Islanders game you’re going to tonight and you let yourself lay down with Mat after you eat and watch him after he falls asleep for his pregame nap. You stare at his features, running your fingers softly over his face trying to commit everything to memory, scared for if you fall asleep, he’ll be gone when you wake.

[bostonkreme]

I need 2 collect myself, they are all such genuine fine lambskin sluts. tuck me in bed & read me pierre lapin wtf. let’s do this

karl urban gets this unhinged murderous look on his face and I want him to direct it at me

frenchie mon coeur my good trainspotting bitch, are you even alive? I love you. I hate myself. If anything happened 2 u I’d bomb the national archives. c’mere i wanna shave something funny in ur hair. I know u took my fishnets but im not mad they obviously look great. alexa play nuxx by underworld before I START. SCREAMING. just kidding play that song by toulouse. I will risk it all & end up dead or incarcerated.

kimiko could make me do whatever she wanted, queen of cooking & dancing & murder. I wanna be her so bad. I will settle 4 adoring her

would also commit such serious crimes for mothers milk, he makes the slightest facial movement & I am on the edge of my seat. the tension when he pauses. he makes me wanna be a better person fr this is all so grey I’m fine

so so confusingly attracted to jack quaid, he’s exactly age appropriate & I love a well meaning comedic disaster, but…lineage. I know it’s you parent trap, I’ve got mail ok, I can’t look at you knowing I wanted to fuck your parents before I even knew what that meant. you look exactly like both of them get away from me

I’m upset about starlight going full instagram face. but I get it. everyone has filler, that’s not what I’m talking about. I understand that nose jobs are basically a welcome mat for an entertainment career, but when ppl in their 20s get buccal fat removal??? etc

it makes me sad, she was SO cute in jessica jones & is obviously gorgeous now, I just hope she’s okay later in life. I worry about people who seriously alter their faces super young!! fucking look at what they already did to dove cameron, for gods sake someone explain. I thought the point of cosmetic procedures & plastic surgery was to touch up what you already have AS you age or change something that makes you really insecure, but we are spitting out carbon copied barbies FULLY FACIALLY TRANSPLANTED BEFORE AGE 30 at a rate I cannot handle!!

discover the joy of playing with every weird kind of barbie why don’t u. how…what’s the long term testing on that much surgery in your 20s for purely cosmetic purposes? how does it hold up & affect your nerves? who was patient zero. do you realize what it looks like after a decade when a surgeon didn’t do your eyelids EXACTLY right? who wants to worry about that??

help I actually don’t know, I’m just frustrated in a way that is hard to articulate. obv I have my own image hang ups like we all do & I’m not saying erin moriarty specifically got a full head transplant & none of this is on her at all. she should do whatever & not have to explain it & when she shows up somewhere looking like this I’m like………

carry on madam, as u were, I would never even dream of challenging you??? I can handle that our eyes no longer both squint unevenly when we lopsidedly smile. and the outrageous editing, do ppl really always do that outside of photoshoots? yes. they do. wtf. none of these pictures match & you’re already so good looking. why must everyone have the exact same face without even the slightest defining characteristics. and almost everyone doing this was pretty much already industry standard gorgeous to begin with???

decided I’m going grey AND getting so much filler. I would like the sexy old witch package, just age me right up I’m tired. where in the hell was I going w this. oh jesus christ that’s right yeah I’d die 4 starlight like I do not have any notes for her I don’t think. god, so much happened I really don’t know

maeve. maeve?? QUEEN MAEVE. I will rip out every single inch of every single metro line with my bare hands & become the movie volcano. I will sink the entire eastern seaboard into the atlantic if you ever scare me like that again. love you.

the a-train storyline was like watching the writers meticulously craft two perfect beautiful puffy little cannolis & then when I’m about 2 cry at the sheer wonder of these pastries in front of me they shove them both in my ears at mach speed

antony starr is so gifted at making me hate him, I can’t even tell if he’d be attractive with brown hair bc the picture when I pause is too small and I’m already so afraid

I can’t look at chace crawford without thinking abt that girl who publicly shit herself in front of him, what a fucking queen, I know I have the screenshot somewhere bc I would never delete it. shelly miscavige is still missing btw

they gave black noir some dialogue & that was rly where they went with it. an episode that dealt so much additional trauma to my already fragile psyche that it straight up canceled out what I was already carrying around in real life. what if we all died with him in first person lmfao. my fucking synapses quit firing. I am no longer a girl, I’m a fucking iPod touch with a cracked screen playing map of tasmania by amanda palmer & I will remain this way probably at least thru the end of the week. do not plug me in or take me off repeat 1 okay just let me vibe, thank u

jensen. another very specific kind of ‘it’s 2005 and channel 3 the WB is blaring on my fatback tv with a huge antenna & we can’t acknowledge gavin degraw or he gets louder’ type of brain damage. wait now it’s 2009, do u guys wanna see my bloody valentine 3d? yeah it’s only been 5 mins but this guy is definitely the deranged killer. his friends like. abandoned him in a mine shaft.

I actually feel bad 4 him if he’s completely straight bc he definitely got offered so much dick in late 90s LA

this bitch is lifted shifted higher than the ceiling. did god take away his dog or did I hallucinate that. idk that was the best/worst month ever and I didn’t make it to the last season but I also don’t wanna say how far I did make it

what the god damn fuck do u want me 2 say

how’s it hangin coward why’d you put a sock on it

oh right the character. he’s the worst. what if we made stucky happen except he’s one person & he’s fucking himself. what if we rolled those two enormous old fruits into a stale swisher & let charlie sheen smoke it behind a gander mountain

red headed crazy girl from jessica jones is holding this show together. the affection I feel for her is tangible. she can rip out my hair instead, I’ve got extra fr

HOT SENATOR. I CANT EVEN REMEMBER HER NAME I AM SO FUCKING SORRY, GOD. MY BRAIN TURNED OFF EVERY TIME. IT’S VICTORIA. ALSO QUEEN OF MURDER

cherie 💕🥰💖 we will have a winter wedding. im thinking bordighera but whatever she wants

resurrect the milf. I can’t stand the udders and this psychotic prick needs his fucking mommy milkies bc no one ever fucking loved him and actually I shouldn’t even have to factor that in for that choice to be on the table. im kidding that would be dumb but what happened to her fkn baby lmfao was it super. don’t talk to me about the other kid I CANT

laser baby’s day out is still the best part of this universe. I believe that firmly

the real life political echoes are feeling a little too on the nose. kripke, I’m FINALLY ready to fight u and win. ugh, good job I think 😂

im good. im fine

[superphlyduskull]

some core and halfa physiology thoughts

found a page of notes from when i thought i was gonna rewatch dp (apparently i got three episodes in before i realized i just couldn't do it by myself lmao) and i found some interesting thoughts i had on how halfas work!

also look at the single note i took from one of a kind tho dfkhsldfk

One of a Kind

* tucker and danny snuggle…

also might be watching dp with my friends tomorrow so maybehaps ill take more notes when i do that!

ANYWAY

this post got away from me, so im gonna put the rest under the cut in case it’s a bit long lmao

now to the meat of this post!

so i surprised myself by having written this. i have zero memory of it:

* Cores: concentrated ball of ectoplasm inside a ghost, similar to a heart but more difficult to destroy or manipulate. has organelles as well, and there are some that are the same across all ghosts, but some that are different based on core type and ghost type. is kept strong by feeding the ghost’s obsession and/or by being in the ghost zone. 

    * with halfas, its a little different. there hasn’t been much (ethical) research done, but a halfa’s core is sustained both by continually feeding the obsession and keeping the human side healthy (mentally and physically, but mental health in particular). not keeping up with the obsession significantly weakens the core, but it also won’t kill the halfa, just weaken. Same goes for the human health necessities; if physical and mental health are not kept up, the halfa won’t die/end, just be weaker. Both sides have to be neglected  in danny’s case, this gets difficult, as he tends to rely on his ghost powers to feed his obsession (protecting and helping others)

i havent thought extensively about cores and core types yet, but i picture cores with at least four organelles: one for holding the form together, one that determines what their appearance is like, one that contains energy for their element, and one that harnesses the energy they get from their obsession or other sources (like ambient ectoplasm or emotion). and some pretty standard core types ive seen around are ice, fire, electricity, plant/nature. also time and space

ive always had a hard time figuring out whether i vibe more with danny having an ice core or an electricity core; electricity bc of how he died, and ice bc of all that stuff with frostbite and whatnot. then i thought, maybe danny’s a weird case, because he is in every other way, isnt he? there are two other halfas, and he at the very least came about through very different means than they did. i subscribe to the hc that vlad isnt “as much” of a halfa/is less stable bc he didnt half die immediately/died less than danny, which makes danny even more different from him

and from that thought, i arrived at: what if danny has a multi-element core? like one element is dominant, but the organelle responsible for his core type just kinda grabs a little of an element if he has a strong enough attachment to it. like he is primarily an Ice core (for some reason? still don’t understand the choice for that in canon but what else is new), but because of his death, his core latched on to Electricity a bit as well. and it gives him the potential to have a bit of Time if clockwork mentors him. i also think Space would be plausible, both bc of his love of outer space and the fact that he died in a portal. this makes him incredibly op but like..... he was already, why not ramp it up a notch?

OH AND ALSO its like that because he’s A) a new ghost, which i hc are more susceptible to change as they get used to being a ghost, B) an adolescent at the time of the accident, which is a time of turbulent change for humans and C) was literally between dimensions when he died, which is as about as symbolic of change as you can get!!

now for my thoughts on halfa physiology! not sure i fully vibe with what i wrote before, but there are two hcs that i like:

- if he takes care of one form and then some, that “and then some” bleeds over to his other half and he doesn’t need to care specifically for it. like if he overfeeds his obsession, he doesn’t really need to worry much about eating or drinking or breathing depending on how much he overfed. if he can’t get to the ghost zone for the ambient ectoplasm or feed his obsession, overeating will do just fine

- the above, except that only works for so long. one half can only compensate for the other for so long. he can go a lot longer without than a full ghost or human, but eventually he’ll need food or ambient ectoplasm

- surprise third option: his ghost half can override his human half’s needs, but not the other way around. he doesn’t really need to eat or brink or breath anymore (even if it makes him uncomfortable) as long as he’s keeping up with his ghostly needs, but ignoring the needs of his ghost half isn’t sustainable and will cause great distress, madness, or death

i may have accidentally stolen these from the many fics ive read over the past year, but if anyone has any input i’d love to hear your thoughts!

[demonytekav]

Katsuki Fucking Bakugou

Got myself thinking today. Well…every day.

FYI these are my personal thoughts - so take it or leave it I guess I’m not stating this as a fact and your do opinions matter. These are just my thoughts….

So like I’ve seen his home life be taken 2 different ways. A lot of people see the more comical aspect of his mom being aggressive and yelling at him, which to be fair YES it can be fucking hilarious. And I see that too, I find it funny he’s aggressive like her and they fight yada yada.

But I also see the other side of this. The accidentally abusive side. I say accidentally because I do not think his mom is purposely abusing him.

See I grew up in a house with a very dominant and aggressive step dad. He yelled, cussed, and was controlling as all hell over everything. He was always aggravated by me (just breathing was enough let me tell you). And his feelings ALWAYS came first. He CARED (very difficult to see unless you look for it) but has ZERO idea on how to be someone who puts others first. We were always on his timeline. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word “sorry”.

The difference here I think is that my step dad beat me down. Didn’t challenge me to do better just out right told me I was shit at whatever I was doing. Or bitched when I didn’t know how to do something. Vs Katsuki’s mom seems like the person who would say “My kid wouldn’t suck at this” and proceed to PUSH her little shit of a son in an aggressive way to do better. And she’d talk him up so much so that he’d get an ego boost about it.

I don’t even want to imagine what it might have been like had he messed up or wasn’t that good at something. I wonder if his mom would give him hell about it unintentionally. And I can almost guarantee the word “sorry” was never uttered to him by her. One thing to note too, is that Katsuki himself is unapologetic about his own behavior and that stems from his own ego/confidence as well as his environment. He grew up in a space where it was natural to yell, cuss, and be violent when getting a point across. For me it was similar but my confidence was never cultivated and instead it was crushed - so I learned to handle others in a softer way but I still come off as stiff.

It’s why I find myself half the time identifying with some things Katsuki does. I have a HORRIBLE time connecting with people and would often rather NOT deal with people especially if they are friendly and nice. Sometimes im inexcusably over confident and arrogant, and have down right asshole-ish behavior on some things. I pick on people I like (friends or romantic interests) in a way to get attention on me for even just a moment. I don’t have the intention of being mean but can come across that way. Or I tend to stay away all together. I get irritated easily over small shit and I have resting “I fucking hate you stop talking” face. Sound familiar?

Getting side tracked. I feel like Katsuki is very similar to me and yet different. I can SEE why he would have been a bully especially to Deku. I can see why he has a complex about being the best and not wanting help. It’s how he grew up, Katsuki doesn’t necessarily understand being the victim, only knows the stance of the abuser and thinks he’s “right”. Where as I have been given the unique perspective of both, I have been forced to understand my step dad as well as be the bully victim (mostly the victim).

Just like Katsuki I CANT STAND asking for help and I HATE people thinking I need it. Abuse does weird things to you and messes with your perception in these things. Help comes across as a weakness or being made fun of. Or as leverage against you. Sometimes you even feel like a burden and that shit just don’t fly.

Katsuki got arrogant as a kid being around those who weren’t as ‘brilliant’ as he was and especially having a home life like he did only fueled that. So it’s understandable that he WOULD see Deku as a cry baby or weak. His perception of strength came from his mothers unintentional abuse and over inflated ego he was given by the adults around him. It doesn’t help that he IS a natural leader. His suspicion of Deku is also pretty on point for this.

I won’t lie here. I didn’t trust ANYBODY growing up. I can imagine Katsuki being very similar, thinking people are wearing masks. Seeing Deku smiling so happily and being constantly nice and helpful would definitely confuse him. Why? Because growing up in an abusive house means at times the abuser is kind to you, sometimes for lengths of time, usually with a goal in mind, before ripping the rug out from under you and they show their true intentions. Katsuki was /is afraid of Dekus selflessness because Katsuki can’t afford to be that way. Cant afford to let his guard down and he probably was afraid of what intentions Deku had. In other words “looking down on him”.

Katsukis anger toward others is another thing I find interesting especially when as a little kid he smiled all the time and walked with his head up high. After the issue with Deku trying to help him as a kid it gave him a very specific (and incorrect) reality check. It also made him even more angry/suspicious of Deku specifically. In high school he wanted NOTHING to do with other people other than for them to worship him and his skills (in a way). He was entering a school where he would have to compete to show he was the best, it was a new experience for him as he has ALWAYS just been the best being as they grew up around all the same kids and nothing ever changed.

But people want to get close to him. It’s a distraction and waste of time, it makes me wonder if this is partly because he knows when school ends they won’t be together anymore. Maybe his separation from Deku as kids (their friendship I mean) actually impacted him in such a strong way even if he was the one to end it. It hurts to no longer have that friendship that was built- he probably saw Deku as a lifelong companion up to a point as a kid- when they discovered he didn’t have a quirk Katsuki probably had another boost to his ego about being better than Deku and at the same time knowing they were not longer on the same path. After the log incident and they were no longer friends in his mind (due to his insecurities and thinking he was being played?) it probably hurt him a lot internally but he didn’t realize it. And maybe later during high school he looked at Deku as actually betraying him, again probably thinks people are nice to get something out of it (thinks he’s being made fun of or looked down on like my point from earlier) and to learn that Deku hid his quirk only solidified that Deku might have been playing him all along (until he learns the truth), and doesn’t want to feel like that again? So he pushes people away? Regardless he is rude and mean to everyone but over time he gets closer to people.

Another thing to note, I think the more un-confident he is the more aggressive he is in regards to some things, so I feel like the way he snaps at his friends is a good tell that he’s not comfortable being close to others. Especially with how he refuses to acknowledge the word “friends”. (Small thought but is he afraid to use the word friend because of losing Deku as friend in the past and the pain/hurt that caused when he thought he was being looked down on and they went their separate ways? Like I said, he may have thought Deku would be his companion running along behind him all his life at that point and then they realized he didn’t have a quirk AND Deku tries to help him and etc that happened so is he afraid to get close to someone again - be ‘played’ - and worried he will just get hurt?????)

I get like this too. My initial response to unknown or uncomfortable situations is to be on guard and prickly. Katsuki when embarrassed would be explosive because that’s much easier to understand. When there are things I don’t understand I get mad or irritated immediately. It’s easier than crying or smiling. Don’t even fucking get me started on hugs because I love them but I HATE them because they make me too emotional and I cry and then I get pissed. Katsuki probably gets weird about physical affection because to him the only affection he’s known is the angry kind. He probably doesn’t understand fundamentally what being in a normal and close friendship is and thinks his way has been right this whole time and everyone else is wrong. Which is why he act like a rabid bear when confronted by affection to him it makes NO sense.

I saw people be ANGRY over him goading Deku in the latest chapters. Calling out his behavior as regressing back to his old ways and how it’s proof he’s not changing.

Personally, I don’t see that. Just from my own self indulgent take on Katsuki here is what I think is happening.

Katsuki is angry. He finally UNDERSTANDS everything and realizes Deku was NOT trying to hurt him and has been genuine this entire time. He understands his behavior/treatment of Deku was misguided and WRONG.

But he’s ANGRY that after everything HE isn’t being trusted (Deku has always had blind faith in him before now). HE is being looked at as weak, we know he’s not but imagine it from someone who is just out of the hospital and had just risked his life and is basically being BENCHED with Deku being in the same state he is in. He probably feels like he’s being viewed as weak. HES worried about Deku 1st and foremost because he knows it’s going to end badly, maybe with loss of life and he can’t STAND to be benched when he could be helping his friend. Yes friend.

Katsuki took it upon himself to atone for what he did and right now his charge has left him behind. His FRIEND left him behind and is doing DANGEROUS things and tying in what I mentioned above. The fact that he didn’t outright attack Deku when their eyes met says it all for me. Katsuki is FURIOUS. But he’s not the little kid who would have tried to beat Deku up because of his anger.

So, he smack talks. He goads Deku. I mean FUCK, I’d bitch out my friends too and antagonize them (it would come off as me making fun) but Katsuki KNOWS it would get to Deku. Knows it would press buttons and he does it BECAUSE he knows Deku isn’t going down without a fight. And also, HES MAD and he’s probably HURT at the least he’s offended.

He is allowed to be MAD at his friends. How many times have you sat and complained or royally bitched out a friend in your head because of something dumb as hell they did? I’ve done it so much.

Thing is, I’m not saying he is doing the RIGHT thing. No no. I’m just stating a fact as to what he is DOING. But he’s not doing what he WOULD have done in the past which would have been to immediately and literally fuck Deku up and yell at him and BRING HIM DOWN verbally and mentally for the sake of BRINGING HIM DOWN.

No he’s mouthing off to show he’s mad plain and simple. He’s wanting Dekus attention on him and Dekus acknowledgement of his mistakes/Katsukis anger.

(Side story, in freshman year of high school a friend of mine made some DUMB as fuck choices. I found out about it between classes from another person. I literally RAGED out loud in the hall way, got some interesting looks, and STOMPED MY FURIOUS ASS 3 floors down to cuss and spit at her like a demon child for it in front of everyone because of how dumb she was. I then spent the next several periods of class steaming and fuming before walking *stomping* her ass home and bitching at her the whole way. Yes we talked about it. But the point still stands that I get why Katsuki rages because I fucking do it too especially the more I care….I’m a lot older now and I don’t yell anymore nor do I let my anger control me)

Katsuki in my opinion is growing, slowly, but he’s growing. This is different than the past. In fact he came with the class as a whole. That itself says everything because he’s always about doing things on his own. It also makes sense that he isn’t dramatically different…..I think that would be almost to disingenuous to his character and wouldn’t show the growth or show he EARNED anything. It would come off as almost….fake. If he acted any differently. I think the only other way I would accept him behaving is for him to be completely SILENT until the right moment and say very specific things. But again, that might also be too far out of his current character.

Katsuki is a tough one. The only reason I feel connected to him is because I can equate my own circumstances and feelings to his due to the similarities of his upbringing. I feel like we are the same coin but each a different side.

I guess I’m saying it’s understandable why he’s such an aggressive ass and why he was a bully and is still being a mouthy shit. He didn’t grow up in a fluffy loving household. So it makes sense for him to be this harsh.

Another thing to note: 1st. He’s a fucking kid. And kids sometimes can not distinguish between right and wrong. 2nd. He IS showing maturity in his actions and growing but again, it’s slow LIKE IT SHOULD BE. He’s learning. In fact, it’ll probably take him years to learn certain things and I bet some stuff he won’t really get the hang of. I know I fucking didn’t. I still come off as an ass. And I’m emotionally constipated. I still can’t fathom certain social interactions and I can’t not be suspicious of peoples kindness. I can’t be outgoing and show affection (like seriously don’t cry near me because I don’t know what the fuck to do with you). I’ve learned how to handle people better and treat others better but unfortunately when you have lived with an abusive parent there’s no telling how exactly you will come out of it or how long it will take you to UNLEARN that garbage and input the correct things.

And it’s going to take him some years to make some corrections. I don’t think he will ever be a fluffy touchy feely guy. And I bet he will still snap and snarl at times. But I can see the way he is being written and it’s showing growth. Subtle as it is. But it’s there.

I’m just saying that if my perspective has any truth to it for this character, then cut the kid some slack. Not too much because hey he still needs to grow and we don’t want to see him regress.

Idk…what do you think? I’m always curious about others perspectives because everyone is so different yet similar. Even in writing I can easily channel Katsuki (to an point) but Izuku or some of the other more friendly characters are VERY difficult for me.

[livisart]

oh my god you guys, the new COPPA thing will NOT help children ffs

listen i care a lot about kids safety online, as someone who’s had. very bad experiences on the internet when i was younger, i get it ok. i get it.

but the whole new COPPA thing will not only hurt creators, but will also do more harm than good in helping to keep kids safe.

i see a lot of people painting the FTC as 100% reasonable and youtube as 100% at fault (or conversely, youtube as innocent martyrs and the FTC as evil), personally, i think both the FTC and youtube are at fault here. its reasonable for the FTC to be concerned, but theyre trying to implement laws abt things they dont know anything about, and meanwhile youtube is trying to “solve” this in the worst possible way.

yall are gonna be big mad at me for saying this but. children seeing personalized ads do not hurt them any more than they do adults. let me explain.

(note: before i say anything more i wanna get this out of the way: whether youtube collecting data for ads AT ALL, is bad is a discussion for another day, it’s NOT what we should be focusing on right now, so i will not bring it up in this post)

youtube obviously does not collect this data in the youtube kids app, cuz it’s explicitly made for kids. this is an issue regarding youtube main, specifically, kids under 13 using their parents accounts to watch videos (as a sidenote, the whole thing the FTC were concerned about seems to be youtube collecting data WITHOUT PARENTAL CONSENT, but parents allowing their kids to use youtube main sounds a lot like consent to me. honestly i might b wrong abt this but to me it seems like the easiest way for youtube to solve this problem would be to add smth in their tos abt the data collected and how letting any1 under 13 use the main site = consent to collecting their data, but i digress.)

this means that any information collected is NOT the kids information, but the parents, since the child is using their account. there is absolutely no way to tell if a child or an adult is using the account, hence why youtube is going after “”kids content”” and assuming EVERYONE who watches “”kids content”” is a child (remember that this doesnt only affect like peppa pig episodes and kids nursery rhymes and stuff, but ANY content that youtube n the FTCs vague rules consider ‘for kids’. with that in mind, hopefully i dont have to explain how stupid that is)

lemme repeat there is functionally ABSOLUTELY NO WAY to tell that a child is watching rather than an adult.

there’s also the fact that creators/users on youtube have absolutely no way of accessing the information collected, all we get is vague things like age range, gender, country. we do not get ANY information that’d let us see individual users data, let alone use it to contact them.

but basically, kids information is NOT being gathered, youtube kids does not gather this information, and youtube main gathers the information of the PARENTS, not the kids. so basically, this is a non-issue, and going through with these new regulations to “solve” this non-issue is dumb and jsut hurts EVERYONE.

now, here’s why i believe this will actually do more harm than good:

videos marked as “kids content” will not have personalized ads, meaning their ad revenue will drop with anything from 60-90%

also videos with this marking will not have comments, not be added to any playlists, etc. basically they’ll have less visibility and have a harder time being discovered.

big corporations will find a way to deal with this but smaller kids content creators won’t. many ppl who made content for kids will be forced to quit, since it’s just not sustainable anymore, meaning there’ll be a decrease in quality content for kids to watch.

but it gets worse. since these new rules will also affect “child attractive content”, this will actually give creators incentive to create more mature content to avoid the dreaded “made for kids” checkbox. especially considering any violations of this extremely vague rule can result in a 42k fine PER VIDEO. no one wants that.

so to make sure youtube and the FTC will not consider their content “for kids”, many channels that were previously child friendly (though not directly aimed at children) will start deliberately making their content more mature to alienate kids.

so with actual kids content decreasing, and child friendly content being replaced by more mature content, there’ll be MUCH LESS quality stuff for kids to watch, possibly leading them to watch the new mature content instead, so kids are just gonna risk seeing more stuff that’s harmful to them (with the same personalized ads that were the god damn problem to begin with so like good job on not solving anything)

basically this change will harm creators AND kids and not really help anyone in the long run

now, again i think the FTC and youtube are both at fault here.

youtube because they suck and can’t come up with any better solution.

the FTC because they’re trying to pass laws they know zero about. (seriously. a youtuber n former lawyer went to DC to talk to them abt the new rules and it turns out the FTC are soooo misinformed abt this it aint even funny)

and i’m very tired of people with negative braincells acting like this change is going to help kids at all.

it’s also actually kind of dangerous that ppl are saying “go tell youtube to change things, not the FTC”, because youtube doesn’t listen to ppl.  i thought that much would be apparent by now. youtube does not care abt its userbase.

the FTC, however, does and is willing to take ppls comments til like december 9th so pls go send them a comment.

im not saying you shouldnt blame youtube at all, or ask them to change, but dont just ignore the FTC’s role in this pls.

[thesims4blogger]

The Sims 4 Star Wars Journey to Batuu: Community’s First Impressions

When EA revealed The Sims 4 Star Wars: Journey to Batuu during today’s Gamescom Opening Night Live, players in the community took to social media to let their opinion on the game be known. The Fansite Simsvip ask players on Twitter what their initial thoughts were, so here is a collection of thoughts from players around the community…

It’s basically Strangerville but with a super niche audience. No one will get most of the references unless they’re a Star Wars fan. It’ll probably provide an hour of gameplay and that’s it. Ngl though it looks well made

— Sugar G (@appIause) August 27, 2020

I personally don't see a place for it in the Sims franchise as an actual in-world location. The Sims is supposed to be a life simulation at heart with fantasy thrown in. Not a badly disquised advert for a completely different I.P. If I wanted to play a Star Wars game I'd buy one.

— Alistair Stuart (@Alistu_Sims) August 27, 2020

It's a cool idea. For some reason I love shameless branding like this. It will probably be a nice change of pace at the very least.

— Paul (@ThePJBentley) August 27, 2020

It's not my favorite theme. But since it's here.. I'm going to take full advantage of it 😊

— Mimy S Flores (@mimysf1111) August 27, 2020

Definitely not a pack I would enjoy. Either for the game content. Storyline or the build and buy it all looked very uninteresting, I may still enter in some giveaways for the pack but this will be the 2nd pack including bowling I will never purchase. Just not enough in it:)

— JoJo🕵️‍♀️ (@JoJoPandaX) August 27, 2020

I’m not a fan of the movie series but this pack actually interests me

— Akane (@Aka_RoseGaming) August 27, 2020

Its unexpected but i think it'll be fun. And it also means i can make my swtor characters in sims so thats honestly what I'm looking forward to most with this.

— Shey (@Shey_Shen) August 27, 2020

I’m excited! I love the idea of missions to influence which side wins. I do think it will be fun to play with still might wait for a sale 😅

— Sophie is not Social (@SophienotSocial) August 27, 2020

I've sat idly by while knitting and laundry and university packs rolled around. They weren't my cup of tea or first choice, but I never tore down and ostracized those who were excited because the DLCs didn't fit my own personal expectations. I'm really excited for this pack! 😊

— LanceChristophr (@lancechristophr) August 27, 2020

Literally the first pack I have absolutely no interest in buying. I am very disappointed. It's fine for those who are fans and all, but I feel like this pack is so specific. I usually can find SOMETHING I like even in the packs that really aren't my gameplay style but this? NO :(

— Louise Laursen (@PurpleMio) August 27, 2020

Feel like we already had enough star wars content in the game. I feel like a into the future pack mightve been more well received. At least there are people who enjoy it though so can’t say no one’s getting anything good!

— bag of bones (@savantavocado) August 27, 2020

I hoped it wasn't going to be star wars when I heard. I don't have anything against the franchise, it's the fact that it' so highly specific and caters to a different audience is what baffles me. It's obvious that it's something that was pushed by EA to advertise their new game.

— 🍞𝙇𝙀𝙀💕 (@imCement) August 27, 2020

My thoughts were "Where is my Harry Potter pack?" Like boarding school for children sims, werewolves, fairies, etc.

— 🌈Jordan aka Snow🌈 (@Bookfangirl742) August 27, 2020

I 100% didn't need it right now. I feel like this was more an EA/Disney move rather than the core Sims team. Mainly because we need so much more in terms of gameplay, representation and playability. I could've got behind it if it was released sometime next year instead of now.

— Camille (@CraftyGamer89) August 27, 2020

I think the reason everyone has such an issue is that there are so many things the sims 4 is missing as a life simulation game and then they choose to put the time and effort into a star wars pack..i happy for those who want it but i get why everyone else is so upset

— Lauren Attwood (@LaurenAttwood69) August 27, 2020

We wanted more realistic gameplay and the gave us Starwars?!?! Why??!?!

— willemijn kroon (@williekr2000) August 27, 2020

im just... wow, at least I wasn't mad but rather sad how EA is so disconnected to the Sims fanbase desires and pleas for our favorite game

— I build anything and I stan OT9, OT4, & OT7! (@J_Lanz16) August 27, 2020

im just... wow, at least I wasn't mad but rather sad how EA is so disconnected to the Sims fanbase desires and pleas for our favorite game

— I build anything and I stan OT9, OT4, & OT7! (@J_Lanz16) August 27, 2020

Not feeling optimistic about it at all tbh, looks like it may have about as much replay value as Strangerville buuuuut at the same time it opens up the option to lightsaber duel Judith Ward so I guess I’ll give it a shot

— Dex (@Theyhrite) August 27, 2020

Excited for the droids and lightsabers. Seem like they can be fun and I image there will be a mod out soon for a lightsaber death since the sims will probably not give us one

— 🐁 ғᴇᴀɴᴏʀ ⟴🐀 (@_neonheart_) August 27, 2020

maybe if the game was more complete then sure but, the sims feels very empty and is lacking a lot. the last thing we need is a star wars pack right now

— heather (@heathermk_) August 27, 2020

i think it could be cool if your sims could actually live on batuu (maybe after completing the story or smth idk) but if it just turns out like a vacation world you go to once and then forget about it's gonna be disappointing

— cali (@caligumu) August 27, 2020

baffled, honestly. like. why is this a thing?! I have zero interest in farming or "better babies" but this just feels *really* out of place?? Strangerville has its appeal and Eco Lifestyle was just a very very bad case of "poor marketing", but this is just. 🤔🤔🤔

— Fae (@fae_of_the_rose) August 27, 2020

I said this before but... They are going to add light sabers before inclusive skin tones... let that sink in.

— Lil Ass Kicker (@Firelillx) August 27, 2020

THE SIMS 4 IS NOT IMMERSIVE ENOUGH FOR THIS TYPE OF NICHE GAME PACK!! They have refused to fix some of the most basic features (skin tones & babies) but they have the time and resources for these new special aliens??????? Make it make sense.

— whatamievendoin (@whatamievendo14) August 27, 2020

We already have Sixam which is not exploiting. Why take a franchise that does not reach the players. pic.twitter.com/aPhd1QBmZs

— The Queen alien -🛸 sims - (@The_Queen_Alien) August 27, 2020

Not at all interested.

— Sunshine (@sunshine0375) August 27, 2020

I was a little worried how this would combine with the Sims. It seemed so alien (no pun intended) to the rest of the gameplay. But after seeing the trailer I can’t help with being excited. It looks beautiful and definitely different. The build and buy objects look great so far

— Chantal Noordeloos (@C_Noordeloos) August 27, 2020

I’m still wtf’ing. It’s too niche for a game that is supposed to be a LIFE simulation game, too specific-to-star-wars-fans to appeal to a wider audience. It also makes me sad thinking about the future of the franchise when they seem so disconnected in what the community wants.

— Hayley Marie (@countrystrongau) August 27, 2020

What are your initial thoughts on the The Sims 4 Star Wars: Journey to Batuu Game Pack? Let us know in the comments below!

[izzyliker]

i think like.... some of this ‘fanfic isnt above criticism’ discourse fundamentally is built on some weird ideas and understandings of criticism, creative freedom, and variance in ppl reading the exact same thing. 

like: just because you dont like a specific thing about someones writing doesnt mean its objectively, concretely wrong, bad, or inappropriate. nobodys going to kill you or jail you or whatever for leaving a mean or unnecessarily blunt comment on someones fic, but it is kind of sad/funny to see people talk shit about writers for ‘not taking criticism’ as if their opinion is objective truth and not just.....their opinion.

like: i have had people tell me my writing is too abstract, or it doesnt make any sense, or that i use too many metaphors or whatever. thats their opinion! i have also had people say that me writing the way i do is dreamy/mesmerizing/whatever nice, sweet things they had to say about it. as a hobbyist writer and someone who ENJOYS writing that way i am not going to change it because someone didnt like it, and people being mad about that is... kind of funny to me? just dont read my fic then! i write six line long sentences and use five em dashes in a single paragraph because i like doing it. if you dont like reading that you dont have to read it!

there’s... of course room for gently calling people out for writing in -phobic and -ist stuff while obviously having no idea that it was -ist or -phobic (eg. having characters misgender a trans character and not warning in the tags, or referring to a trans character as their deadname and using the wrong pronouns until they transition [’x was a girl blah blah she liked blah blah then she suddenly realized shes a boy wow anyway now im getting to the actual story after misgendering my character for no reason. them being trans never comes up again’], or writing deeply bigoted stuff or otherwise inserting unfortunate tropes in writing) and im not going to say that it’s ~bullying~ someone to let someone know that it seems like their writing reflects their own, genuine bigoted beliefs or misconceptions, and a lot of time people will be mortified and thankful to hear that (and when they aren’t theyre usually either openly bigoted, or theyve had other people tell them otherwise and chosen to believe those people instead, which you can feel however you want about).

like: ive left a strongly worded comment on a fic before because it turned out to be completely untagged for the rape depicted in it (as in: no archive warnings apply - not even chose not to warn), and featured a twoc ‘’’’’’having sex with’’’’’’’ a trans guy, where the author was a white cis person who did not see anything wrong with the lack of tagging OR the damaging tropes used with zero self awareness. i dont think you can NEVER say ‘im trans/gay/bi/ace/a person of color/a person of this ethnicity and you don’t seem to be - did anyone beta read this, because you have depicted the character with my marginalized trait in a very stereotypical way, and idk if thats on purpose or not’ or anything similar. sometimes people who are racist or homophobic or biphobic or transphobic also write fic. sometimes a fic makes your spider senses tingle because of the way something bad is depicted in it. 

but like and especially re darkfic - 

when people say ‘you need to take criticism when people say your fic glorifies bad relationships’ i think... what people fail to take into account is that although sometimes people do in fact write narratives where they do not even realize theyre writing a shitty relationship (this is often made obvious by a complete lack of tagging or a flippant attitude about the actions of the characters rather than anything that happens in the work itself) sometimes when you read a fic and think ‘this obviously says that this relationship is good! and that you should read this and think the relationship is good!’ it’s not actually an objective, true criticism that the author needs to... idk...rectify? reflection is always good for yknow becoming a better writer and looking at possible issues re: how you see relationships or certain people or whatever (this isnt just writers or artists btw, this is also you as the reader or the consumer or the person, existing in the world), but sometimes it’s just a fic that either was triggering for you, or that didn’t fill the specific narrative need you had.

again: i have written unhealthy relationships. i like writing codependence, and relationships with bad boundaries, and relationships where people are in denial about how their relationship makes them feel. i have, ON THE SAME FICS, had people say they thought it was validating; or cathartic; or respectful; or realistic and kind and compassionate portrayal of those relationship AND other people say they were uncomfortable; that they thought the narrative not using the word abuse meant it wasnt meant to be abuse (despite the ‘unhealthy relationships’ tag); that they thought it was disrespectful to write two characters they liked in an unhealthy relationship. and theyre all allowed to have those opinions! sometimes someone’s writing just doesn’t spark joy. but just because you didn’t like a fic doesn’t mean the writer has failed. when a fic writer has multiple people say ‘i liked this; this felt real; it felt compassionate and respectful and i will come back and read it again’ and one person say ‘i think this is bad’ i don’t think its... evil of the writer to say ‘yknow, im sorry you didn’t like this fic, you might want to read x fic where the story has a happier ending instead,’ and not change or delete or otherwise do anything to that fic.

i dont know guys like... again, just because you didn't like something doesnt mean theres something intrinsically wrong with it. and a loooooot of posts here conflate ‘this person wrote a fic that uncritically used a bunch of tropes the author did not tag for and thus was not even aware of having used and i have left a comment saying that the implications of that are kinda fucked’ with ‘this person wrote a fic about an abusive relationship/sexual assault/whatever and it wasn’t written the way i want those topics to be written about, and i have left them a comment saying that they need to kill themselves for it.’ 

[troybarnesbucky]

I woke up and decided to analyze each 9-1-1 pairing with regards to timing and also buddie

I just woke up and all im gonna say right now is this: this is long-winded but basically it takes a look at all the relationships on 9-1-1 and compare the timing and level of intimacy to that of buck and eddie’s relationship. 

at the end of season 1 of 911 I remember watching and realizing they were gonna push the whole bobby and athena relationship, and I was surprised, because I didnt think there was any preamble or much hinting to it. but I guess it made sense to me - they were both single, both in the same social circle, they got along. sure, made sense. and then season 2 comes along and they’re smack dab in the middle of their relationship and we have zero time to adjust to it as an audience, but once again, we quickly did (mind you, I did not watch it live as intently as a fan would, but I do recall a lot of episodes because my mom watches the show and I remembered a lot when I was catching up myself). at this point bobby and athena are happily married and I really do love them together, genuinely.

then, maddie comes along and there’s a bit more to the story. she has a lot going on, a lot she’s been through and we spend much of her first season getting to know her and watching her confront her past and create her own present. chimney had a bit of a rough start with relationships (.... tatiana, sorry love, but you could’ve had it all sis). her and chimney start out as friends but it’s very clear from their blossoming friendship that the writers intend for us to want a relationship for them, and we DO. because theyre adorable together and genuinely have so much chemistry and they’re good for one another. it’s a bit of a slowburn but we get there eventually, so much so that in the season 3 finale, we find out maddie is pregnant! which yes, did make me cry shut up. 

hen and karen had a rough start. even if they did look happy, they went through a ton of shit in the first and second season, especially the first season. which is fair; hen cheated on karen, and a large part of her storyline revolved around her ex and having to fight for denny. but there’s so much love between them, and a heavy history that is palpable through the screen. by the time season 2 comes around, they are a bit more grounded, and more so by the time season 3, too. it was interesting to think about their relationship is comparison to the others, which we watched blossom in real time. especially in season 3, because we see their love and support of one another during their attempt to have another child, and yes I also did cry when they met nia for the first time and no I will not elaborate. hen also went through a lot of shit this season; karen, despite what she went through, was and continues to be super wonderful and supportive, if a bit wary (but its okay because drunk karen and chim was a gift and we were well fed) for a second. their relationship is everything and also karen carries the whole show’s sense of humor on her back, I said what I said. 

then we have three more main relationships: michael and athena’s, which is over in episode 1; buck and abby (im not counting ali because genuinely she was in three episodes, im only looking at the main relationships for each character), which starts and ends in season 1; and eddie and shannon, which technically starts before season 1 and kinda ends in season 2 but then she dies. 

personally I dont think there’s much to add about michael and athena’s relationship. firstly, michael is a doll and if they hurt him in season 4 I will riot. but more so, the show gave us a LOT to work with in terms of their past relationship. also, it was interesting as a viewer, to learn about them from the bottom up. we see the tail-end of their romantic relationship and watch it get replaced with a genuine love and care for each other and their family. it’s a stark contrast to what a lot of shows on television would go for; it has a bit of rough, bumpy start, but by midway through season 2, they’re both on steady ground in terms of personal family life, and it’s actually a breath of fresh air. their dynamic is heavily surrounded by love for family, and we love love love that. 

I think with abby and buck we all liked it a little, at the start. buck was sweet to her and we see a change in attitude and an effort from buck that is clear to have never been made before. abby is also a pretty admirable character; she takes care of her mother, is incredible at her job as a dispatcher, and she struggles with maintaining personal relationships but still gives it a go with buck. and buck, from the start to end of the season, grows a lot, both independently from and surrounding their relationship. as a viewer I watched the show way later on, so I knew abby was leaving and honestly, I really did like her and their chemistry. as we go into season 2, we have buck, who is still living in abby’s place, and then the introduction of eddie.

so here’s the thing; this is where I was trying to get to. the show (the writers) made and continue to make interesting character and relationship choices. with eddie and shannon, there is a very clear closeness and chemistry between them that yes, does get revamped for a little. there is also history, which is very important and can’t be disregarded. but more than anything, we are looking at timing in this meta. eddie comes along in season 2 and there are a lot of things happening: hen and karen are getting back to normal, athena and bobby are suddenly dating, buck and abby are - despite what buck thinks - very over, and chim is single and ready to pringle, plus maddie is new and freshly separated from d*ug. as we go through season 2, we see development with athena and bobby, very clearly on their way to a stable relationship and marriage. hen and karen are working through things, we don't really doubt their relationship either. both maddie and chimney are single, and they become friends, and we very quickly, as viewers, realize where the writers are taking us and what they want us to think. 

so now im gonna get on my clown shit when I talk about buck and eddie. specifically, regarding the writers and their timing and why I think they’re either really stupid or actually very smart.

listen, everyone loves slowburn. hell, I'm writing a buddie au that will probably end up being like, upwards of 80k words and it’s gonna be a slowburn. buck, at the beginning of season 2, is in denial. im not gonna go through details but I will say that like..... okay, he’s heartbroken and thats fair. eddie, through means of “what a man,” is introduced and within one fell swoop, buck is immediately jealous and then like, twenty four hours later, they’re besties. tea. totally fair. in terms of timing, especially regarding relationships, there really aren’t many things to note: buck goes through that weird thing with taylor kelly, eddie goes through his drama with shannon, and when shannon wants a divorce, it kinda all goes to shit. by the end of season 2, we have buck trying to move on (and also nearly dying by means of a firetruck but thats not my point but also writers wtf) and dating ali (guys how do you spell her name lol) while eddie deals with the aftermath of his (ex, technically but I don't know if its mean to say that) wife. there are more than a few moments between buck and eddie that hint to a potential romance and feelings, like the santa scene and multiple others. then, season 3 is very very interesting. 

buck and ally(? seriously I don't know) are broken up, eddie is focused on christopher and actually, also buck, and then the tsunami happens. there is also not much going on in terms of other relationships on the show; maddie and chim get their shit together while also having a crazy season starting and ending with talking about having kids with a brief intermission of “I cant say I love you” and nearly dying on both parts and albert appears lol (and then disappears, too?? wtf). athena and bobby are pretty cool, hen and karen are trying for kids and hen wants to be a doctor. we have some others, like josh, who go through too much shit for my liking and deserve better, and michael, who...... deserves the world. 

okay. cleared that up. but timing-wise, if we look at the writers and their regard for timing, then we see this: any time two characters are single and there’s an ounce of friendship even hinted, they end up together. fine, that’s fair to say because we’ve seen it, right? after the tsunami, which is a WHOLE OTHER thing im not getting into, we have the lawsuit, eddie fighting, lena bosko (yall can be mad but she was hella cool), hen killing that cello (I think) player, michael getting sick, wow this season was fucking insane holy shit.

but in terms of character relationships and timing, a lot goes on with buck and eddie. in this one season alone, we go from eddie being the first one to hug buck at his surprise party and christopher giving buck a card with “bff” on it, then buck almost dies (again) and eddie is, quite frankly, the only one who takes no crap from him after he quits and then the tsunami and buck literally tearing himself apart to find his best friend’s son and collapsing at the sight of them reunited and then “there’s no one I trust more with my son than you” (is that the quote, I don't know it by heart) and THEN heart eyes, and then the lawsuit and supermarket and “you’re exhausting” and “christopher misses you” and “I couldn't even call you to bail me outta jail” and then the “I’m hearing a lotta ‘I’s, buck” and “I forgive you” and then the Infamous Kitchen Scene and me endlessly screaming WHY WAS BUCK’S HAND ON HIS BELT LIKE THAT? but also very pointedly I will say eddie fighting specifically when he can’t talk to buck and then it stops around the time he can hmmmmm. and also “this is eddie’s house im not really a guest here” then the fuckaifajfgkjfglgakjdgag tunnel collapsing and buck literally, once again tearing himself and everything apart for a diaz, digging with his bare hands and the defeated look on his face and refusing to think about eddie dying and eddie very nearly dying but then recalling christopher, his family, buck, then christopher and buck, then christopher and buck again, then a rare shannon appears, and then it’s just-

okay. OKay. O K AY. ok. here’s what I think. either the writers are incredibly smart or just viciously stupid, or the third, lesser liked option, they know what they’re doing and don’t give two shits. they are sitting on, and quite frankly they have created, a fucking goldmine. but in terms of timing, and relationship choices, we have eddie and anna(?) as a brief thing that will either reappear in season 4 or never be touched again, then abby’s lame-ass apology that was just her attempting to justify her actions by claiming she simply just should’ve told buck sooner. but a lot of this season explores buck’s loneliness, and in a way, too, eddie’s. 

yes, eddie has christopher, and the others? they have families and significant others. buck has no one (except maddie but you get my point) to go home to. I think, in terms of timing and thematic elements, this season took the time to explore the loneliness of two men, but also by doing so, only high-lighted their need for one another, their love for one another. in the past, that has lead to two couples getting together: athena and bobby, and chimney and maddie. 

so, my point is, season 4 is the make it or break it point. we got (weak-ass) closure with abby, eddie’s anger and regret with shannon (and yes, christopher), an exploration of both of their loneliness, and a very, very clear rocket launch of their closeness and dependence on one another, in season 3. it started with a lot and ended with closure on all extraneous factors that could have possibly deterred the two of them from a potential relationship. more so, abby is getting married and buck has no choice but to move on; he may not have loved her anymore but he needed the closure (and no I do not think it was good enough and I think buck deserved more but that’s not my point).

this can’t be read that much into. it’s not subtle, it’s not subtext. it’s very clearly there on our screens, with every small or big line. they mean a lot to each other. anyone with eyes can say that, has to say that. the problem is, what’s the intention? like, are the writers actually doing what I've just said, setting up for a slowburn, taking it season by season. you can look at it that way, and it actually doesnt take a lot to get to that point of a thought process. there is a HUGE, fundamental shift in buck and eddie’s relationship in season 3. there is a perceived difference in their friendship versus both their relationship with others and the friendship between others. denny doesn’t call chimney his best friend, “his chimney.” athena has never once told hen she trusts her children with her more than anyone in the world. 

there are a lot of interesting choices that have been made over the course of three season, particularly this past season. there are also a lot of possibilities for the upcoming season. we may see a return of that teacher, we might see buck fall into other women, we may see eddie not fully over shannon, or (hopefully not) an abby return. it’s just a matter of waiting, but there’s no denying the way things were left off; buck and eddie were both single throughout the entirety of season 3, considerably closer and not guests at each other’s place, both very lonely in spite of the people around them, closer to each other than the rest of the 118, both have a family member (or more than one for eddie) to keep them anchored. buck is, yes, more lonely, but they are both left off in the same place. my question, more than anything, is whether it’s intentional after all that’s said and done. and if it’s not, then why, pray tell, are the writers following their OWN very clear and self-fulfilled pattern of timing and relationships to an even stronger extent than they ever have? 

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunter x hunter thotz so far

soooo ruth and i started watching hunter x hunter woohoo finally! we’re like 10 or so eps in so i decided to collect some thots below on what i think so far (i havent rlly been spoiled so im interested to look back on this once ive watched more)

first off i love gon sm, hes immediately so endearing...hes just a baby!!!! just a little baby boy!!!! hes just so cute and good, im so not ready for him to get put thru the wringer later on as ive vaguely heard happens

the first few episodes were really fast paced which i enjoyed and thought was for the best. the characters came thru really strongly and i feel like we heard juuuust enough about the setting, premise, and what a hunter is 

i wasnt expecting leorio and kurapika to show up in the FIRST EP lmao that surprised me. i love so much how the three of them like IMMEDIATELY became a family unit in like 3 eps lmaoooo it was like ok here are 2 parents and their son bam. also leorio and kurapika having a showdown on the boat (which didnt end up happening) was a wild ride 

i have like zero fucking idea what a hunter is and the more they attempt to explain the more confused i get. its honestly kind of hilarious how little sense it makes. to be clear this doesnt detract from my enjoyment of the show at all (if anything it adds to it)

oh my god fuckgin hisoka is the worst he hasnt done much but i hate him so much already. good villain writing/design so far, hes so hateable

ruth every time hisoka shows up: WE HATE UR PUSSY BIIIITCH 

the character design in this show is....a lot lmao. ruth and i decided its a cross between soul eater, jojo, and one piece in terms of aesthetic. the designs are certainly unique and so many of them are just so ugly hvbjafdbdskgs it reminds me of that post thats like ‘masterpost of jojo characters who look busted as shit’ lmao

i already love this show a lot tbh like the way its structured so far has been kinda atypical for a shounen, at least in terms of fights - we really havent seen a lot of fighting yet. also nen hasnt shown up yet and its reminding me of stands not becoming a thing in jojo until p3 lmao 

anyways in litrally ep1 i already loved the 3 main characters we saw...leorio is a wild dude, i love him sm, especially as a fellow medical binch who wants MONEY. like, thats literally me. and kurapika is also wild, like damn they rlly just dropped their backstory in ep 1 huh. like we rlly are jumping right into this 

also when leorio said he was a teenager i was like WHAT???? just like evryone else which YEA omfg. i cant believe hes that young lmao. kurapika too

so leorio is one of those 19 yr olds who looks 40 and kurapika is the type of teen who looks like a 12 yr old

and KILLUA i love him sm also....hes an adorable assassin catboy and hes perfect. i love how quickly he and gon hit it off (tiny bfs.....) and how hes just like, this extra as hell 12 yr old with a SKATEBOARD and ASSASSIN SKILLS and then he sees gon and is like guess im gonna fall in love 

i gotta talk abt gon again i just love him. hes so polite and cute and kind and good, i just love him...wht a good protag. his motivation is just wild too, hes like well my dad abandoned me to go off and be a hunter (which he isnt even mad abt, what a nice lad) so im gonna do that to see what the deal is

i love how gon (just like the audience) doesnt really know what a hunter does/is and just goes into the exam totally blind lmao. also the fact that his skills seem to include jumping good, being speedy, having the energy typical of a 12 yr old, being a weather sniffer, being nice, and having good instincts/constitution as a result of having eaten random grass and forest shit growing up...amazing. 

is this gonna turn out to be one of those things where its like, wow theyve been using nen this whole time without realizing! tht would honestly explain a lot lmao 

i really enjoy how like....semi-normal the power levels are rn? while also being all over the place and wack as fucks obvs (like hisoka dissolving that guys arms in his first appearance was A Lot, as well as all the card stuff hes done..). like the part wher that blue guys (evil franky one piece) punches the ground and it leaves a crater and everyones like !!!! wow wtf thats unnatural! that literally threw me off bc that kinda thing is so normal in anime lmaoooo. but i like that thats the starting point bc it leaves a lot of room for power escalation w/out it getting too out of hand 

specifially our protags are starting out pretty low on the Shounen Badass scale - especially gon (and leorio, tho i kinda predict he wont be as fight-y? what with him being premed)

i find it kinda hilarious how killua hasnt done too much (aside from murdering those 2 randos in like half a second) despite being so clearly skilled...like when they have to do the 5v5 fight thing in the tower, i wouldve thought hed be the first up cause hes so badass but nope

actually thats what i find interesting - i was expecting all 5 (or maybe 4, we’re in the middle of leorio’s ‘fight’) of the fights to be physical smackdowns but so far nope, theyve been very cerebral. that bodes well, w/how smart the fights have been, bc i doubt the fights will get stale tht way 

tho they might be kinda frustrating sometimes - there are times when u DO just wanna see a good ole fashioned shounen beatdown yknow. but we do get enough of that now (and im sure we’ll get plenty more) to satisfy (like kurapika decking fake-franky) 

oh also the opening. its so charming and cute and i love the song...its also so hilariously basic and classic - like one of those typical 2000s anime openings where theres stock run cycles of all the main characters and theres a little animation of all the characters fighting together (and that fight doesnt actually happen, its just for the op) 

also love that leorios the only one who doesnt fight in the OP, instead getting saved from death by gon lmao. im curious if he’ll end up fighting at all (i assume a little?) and if he’ll use nen (probably healing type nen?) 

also i already wanna fistfight ging for abandoning his perfect angel son. also leorio is literally gons dad already, they even look alike wow 

that guy hanzo has done basically 0 things so far but i rlly like him already, im curious if thatll change. also sorry for calling u ‘hanzo overwatch!?!?!?!’ upon first viewing my guy 

tonpa is str8 up so annoying pls leave u pathetic loser 

tho it cracked me up when he and Evil Mr Clean were facing off and starting getting all detailed/shaded and i was like o shit is he actually badass. are we abt to see like a nen battle or st. but no....lmaooo

i found it interesting that leorio didnt really admit to wanting to be a dr at first...hes such a good dude, he kinda just let kurapika think that his motives were superficial and greedy when in actuality theyre selfless

also wanting to be rich can be a rlly interesting character motivation and i love when its done right

oh my god i cant believe it took me this long to mention the hilariously edge ED....like holy shit, its so 2000s, the song sounds like its been re-recorded like 40000 times bc of how bad the audio quality is, or something, idk how to describe music but its hilariously specific in tone and its rlly funny to see shots of the main characters smiling while this screamo whatever plays in the bg....wow. 

also s/o to killua for being king of edgy with that ‘tear of blood’ shot

i rlly like how much of the plot, especially the early hunter exam stuff, is moved along simply by gon being a good kind polite boy. 

love the fact that he and leorio and kurapika (and later killua) all team up without even saying anything...i love that, most shounen would have them be like ‘che, i cant team up with anyone, i have to prove myself ALONE or my victory wont be EARNED’ or w/e idk. who knows that might happen later but rn i love how they all effortlessly work together (and how they all contribute - without each other they would have all failed at different points) 

oh man also killuas first appearence was so funny when he drank a bunch of tonpas poisoned drinks and was like [smirks] tch, loser, im immune to poison. get dunked on. [skateboard away] i love him so fuckgin much 

omfg that part where killua looks all shoujo/kawaii and is talking abt how hes gonna kill his family or w/e and gon is just like ^_^? i love they

HOOOOLY FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT, BUT 65% OF THE REASON I MADE THIS POST WAS TO MENTION HISOKAS THEME LMAOOOOO his music being like fuckgin, spanish guitar/traditional mexican type music is sooooo goddamn funny to me for some reason, like the first time it played i was like ok whats going ON with this spanish guitar lmao but then i figured out that its his theme and god thats so funny 

hisoka is also so fuckign jojo like he could so easily be in jojo. he and dio would be the fakest best friends ever and would constantly try to kill each other on the lowdown and shittalk each other constantly in private but be super sweet to each others faces. also they would hatefuck. no im not taking criticism bye 

i rlly love everyones backstories also, and i find it interesting that weve gotten to hear/see at least some of all 4 of the MCs backstories. theyre all compelling and interesting and i cant wait to dive in further 

also calling it now but kurapika is totally gonna get way too absorbed in revenge and get fucked up/disregard their own life (maybe in the style of robin in one piece?) we’ll see but i feel like it aint gonna end well. i could be wrong, i really havent been spoiled at all, thats just my guess 

hbahjfbshjf the ep that was called ‘hisoka x is x sneaky’ was SO funny that reads like a dora the explorer ep title 

also i had no idea the ep titles were formatted like that w/the x’s and thats rlly funny 

ok but the part where leorio - who seems to be pretty bad at fighting - tries to fight hisoka - whose literal first appearence involved him effortlessly dissolving a dudes arms - is so fucking funny. leorio rlly b a premed w/no brain cells....same bro. 

also i loved the Cutthroat Kitchen portion of the hunter exam and how not a single contestant was any good at it lmaoooo. do they not have the cooking channel in hxh-verse earth 

ok i love how the main characters are all intuitive in different ways depending on their own skills, like how killua can immediately guess that kurapika has never killed anyone before after they didnt kill evil-franky

kurapika joined killua in the Edgy Corner during that part also. like, they both have legit reasons to be edgy, but the shots of kurapika sitting in the darker tunnel part was kinda funny

also killua, a literal 12 yr old, calling out kurapika for being a murder virgin was pretty hilarious 

ok also i didnt know that madhouse animated hxh which is rlly funny but w/e i love the animation especially the occasional chibi parts and the facial expressions (like killuas ‘i love murder’ catboy expressions) 

oh also when killua murdered those 2 guys and his hand was all vein-y and his nails were pointy, his hands looked like hisokas do...i wonder if thats a legit connection or it hisoka just b getting his nails did 

kurapika talking abt how even seeing a regular spider makes them rlly angry was both very sad and kinda funny. kura u have so many issues god bless 

kurapikas smackdown on evil blue franky was fuckin dope tho. and the red eyes reveal was SPOICY 

rlly love how the individual fights highlights the characters strengths/morals/motivations/whatever....the writing is already really strong tbh 

ugh ok ive ranted enough this is a Lot lmao its so disorganized but w/e 

basically i love this series so far and im rlly curious whatll happen next. also everything seems pretty chill and upbeat so far (relatively) and i know this shit gets dark and im NOT FUCKING READY. 

til next timeeee