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bumblequinn · 2 years ago

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hi @sourpatchsquids! thank you for your question.

as an artist with ADHD, i know this struggle very well. unfortunately offering advice on this kind of thing can be tricky, because what works for me may not work for you (and vice versa!). nonetheless, i can try; take whatever works for you, forget the rest, or reshape any part of it as you see fit. :)

but before i offer any actual tools, i have one caveat. i want you to take a moment to reflect and consider if you should be:

changing expectations

the timing of this question seems fated, because just the other day i had a therapy session wherein i expressed my grief and frustration over struggling to work lately due to my seasonal depression. it's not fair that i'm struggling just because it got a little darker outside! i just want the spark i had in the summer! i was so much more consistent!

my therapist's response: nothing about human beings is consistent. we get sick, we get tired, we get hungry and thirsty (and thirsty) and sad and lonely and restless and stressed and overwhelmed. this all gets amplified for folks who are atypical in some way or another.

when my therapist compared our seasonal cycles to those of plants and other animals, who wilt and slow down and hibernate, i protested aloud that i wanted to be a perennial instead. at this she said: even perennials change with the seasons. rose bushes have to be pruned, sometimes down to half their height! it was a dose of perspective i didn't particularly want, but really needed.

so when you're struggling to work through executive dysfunction, burnout, or brain fog, it can help to first check in with yourself about a few things. what do you have the capacity for right now? do you need any accommodation? and if so, what changes you might make to accommodate yourself?

with practice and self reflection, i've learned a handful of specific routines that help me when i'm struggling with creative work, which i'll detail next. note that while your question is specifically about music and i am specifically a musician, i believe that all of these suggestions can apply to most any form of digital creative work.

with that in mind:

#1: work slower

when i'm at the top of my game, i can get a LOT done in a day. but when i'm depressed, fatigued, or distracted, i just can't go full steam. sometimes i'll try to convince myself that i can if i just push harder, but what actually ends up happening is that i'm just fiddling with settings and going in circles rather than moving forward.

instead of that, when i want to work a lot but can't, i try to work slow. how slow? however slow i need to. take four hours to figure out the melody for a single verse. take all day to figure out that drum groove. yeah, i take a lot of breaks in between. who says i have to be my Absolute Most Productive Every Day Or Else? that's the puritan work ethic talking. kill it. be kind to yourself.

i'm reminded of advice i once read about some super successful and prolific author (gaiman? king? pratchett?) who said they wrote only four hundred words every weekday. that's already less than the word count of this post, and i'm only—[travels into the future to check my final word count]... 22.8% of the way through writing it!

now, i don't think i could function that way, because ADHD means some days i'm hyperfocused like crazy, and other days i just have no steam at all (more on that in #4-6). but it seems to me that if even someone highly respected in their profession can achieve what they have with only a little bit of work on a regular basis, maybe i don't have to punish myself for not pumping out a finished work every single week.

doing less work per day means you're much less likely to burn out, which does a lot for working more consistently. if that consistency still doesn't look like a five-day work week, that's okay! as long as it helps you work even a little more often when you want to, it's something worth doing.

however, if you're still feeling truly stuck, all hope isn't lost. you can still try:

#2: switch projects

sometimes the reason i'm moving slow is because of a bad brain day, but sometimes the reason is that i just cannot muster the motivation to do the specific task i'm trying to do right now. ADHD is fueled by novelty and interest, and if i'm not interested in what i'm doing, or it's feeling stale, that's a sign that i need to switch gears.

this is why first it's helpful for me to have more than one project going at a time. this might mean completely unrelated works, or it might just mean related tracks as with the music for a game like SLARPG or susan taxpayer.

the idea here is not to start a dozen different projects and bounce around them like i'm playing whac-a-mole—though i have done that. (i don't recommend it.) the idea here is to have a manageable number of different projects i can be working on so that if i get bored or stuck on something, i have fallback options.

what that number of projects is depends entirely on the week. maybe right now it's two, maybe another time it's three. i would probably be getting carried away if i tried more than that, but that's just my own limit. maybe yours is different. that's something for you to think about.

but it doesn't have to stop there.

#3: switch focus

maybe there is this one project that i just HAVE to work on, but the task i'm trying to do at this stage just isn't coming to me. okay, well, why don't i try working on a different task?

let's say i can't figure out what i want to do with the melody in one part of the song:

what if i try jumping ahead to a different part of the melody? ...no, i'm stumped on melodies today. okay, how about working on the drums instead? ...hmm no, i think i'm just completely tapped out on writing parts right now. alright, what if i organized my tracks, making sure they're all grouped and named in a way that i can work with easily? what if i did a rough volume balance for the mix?

and so on. if that's not enough to shake the off stuckness, i might consider: what can i do to make this project more interesting to me?

what happens if i try using an instrument or effect that i almost never reach for? what if i try sampling something obscure? what if i bang out the drums using my midi keyboard instead of drawing it in on the piano roll?

any approach that breaks me out of my usual habits is bound to get that feeling of novelty and fun back when i need it.

or maybe i can't do any of that right now, and so i take the time to answer a question from a fellow musician instead. i consider that part of my work, too, in a broader sense. check in with yourself and figure out what you can do right now. the rest will still be there later.

but okay, let's say you try switching gears, and switching again, and again, and nothing is moving. you try new approaches, but that wall of awful is insurmountable in this moment. it happens! the next thing you might try is:

#4: learn something new

when you aren't able to make progress on your projects, you can still make progress on your knowledge and craft. i often find this stokes a flame of inspiration in me where there wasn't one before. and even when it doesn't, it still gets my brain out of that feeling of stuckness and dread and into one of thought and action. learning also benefits in the long term because it adds to the well of knowledge from which you draw for all your future works.

for all the awfulness that exists on the internet, it remains an absolute treasure trove of teaching. there's an endless ocean of videos, blog posts, and articles from which you might learn something about your craft. (and if you sail the seven seas, plenty of book PDFs as well. 🦜🏴‍☠️)

it's true that the quality and depth of information out there can vary wildly, but in my experience most resources get at least some things right. and the more you research, practice, and figure out what works for you, the better you will learn to differentiate between the advice worth keeping, and the advice to forget. (that goes for all of what i'm saying here, too!)

that said, since our shared focus is music, a few resources i would highly recommend are:

music theory and composition music matters, 12tone, charles cornell, music with myles, 8-bit music theory, and this introduction by andrew huang

mixing and production dan worrall (especially this series for fabfilter), kush after hours, red means recording, andrew huang, alice yalcin efe, in the mix

general inspiration nahre sol, ben levin, david hilowitz, game score fanfare, posy, jerobeam fenderson, open reel ensemble, and ELECTRONICOS FANTASTICOS!

(if any readers have their own helpful resources for creating music or any other media, feel free to share in the replies & reblogs! 💓)

of course, on an especially bad day, it might be a challenge to seek out information, let alone retain it. that can feel pretty bad, but remember: be kind to yourself. the next thing you might consider trying is:

#5: consume art you love

not just music. books. shows. movies. games. illustration. animation. whatever moves and inspires you.

but do it intentionally. don't just pull up some random thing the algorithm suggested! check in with yourself about what you want (or are able) to engage with right now. choose accordingly. if you get a little way into it and realize it's not scratching that itch, hit the bricks. check in with yourself again. wash, rinse, repeat, until you find whatever it is that speaks to you right now.

and do it actively, if you can. don't just let it go in one eye and out the other! really pay attention to the work. what do you like about it? what are its themes and motifs? what makes it work so well? what are its flaws, and how much do they matter? what might you do differently? you can write notes as you do this if it helps, but even simply noticing and thinking goes a long way.

what you don't want to do is come at this with a lens of shame or envy. you're not here just to say to yourself, "ugh, if only i could do THAT." it's okay if it happens. use that thought as a springboard for curiosity: "well okay, how DID they do that? do i have the resources for it? if so, how could i apply that to my own work? if not, how can i adapt it, or what do i need to learn?" keep your mind open and approach the work with a sense of wonder.

as a creative person, it's very easy to think, "i should be making something right now, not watching a movie!" but that thought forgets something vital: your art is a response in a conversation. of course the "language" you use is your own, and maybe if you're lucky you'll invent a new word. but most of the words you use have been around long before you were born. you're just one voice in a dialogue that spans continents and generations, and that's okay. it's even the whole point.

none of us is an island. we are profoundly social animals. just as we can't live without eating, we can't make without learning. so half of making art is consuming it. consider this part of the process as well.

and finally,

#6: rest, and live your life

let's say you're in really dire straits. you've tried working slower. you tried changing focus, you tried changing projects. you want to take in new information or actively engage with your favorite art, but you're not in the headspace for it. what now?

take a nap. take a walk. take a shower. eat a nice meal, or an okay one. talk to a friend. maybe even do that chore you've been putting off (you know the one).

it's human to always crave making, but you're not a machine—and even if you were, machines need regular maintenance, too! you wouldn't drive a car that's completely out of gas, and you won't do yourself any favors treating your body that way either.

i know that when you take a break it feels as though you're not accomplishing anything, but you are: you're taking care of your animal self. and while you do that, your creative brain doesn't stop working! much like windows, it has countless background processes running at any given moment, with inscrutable names like "cbdhsvc_692da" or "Microsoft Edge Update Service." it's true, i checked.

when you're stuck on a project and you step away to rest, your brain is still chipping away at your ideas unconsciously. i like to tell people, "it's percolating." much like waiting for a pot of water to boil, that idea is still heating up, even when you take a step away. just be sure to check in on it once in a while. the time will pass, and it'll be boiling again before long. :)

before i go, i'll leave you with one last thing to keep in mind as you try all of these strategies:

be kind to yourself.

being human is just about one of the hardest things you can do. let alone being a human trying to survive capitalism while living with disabilities! the last thing you need on top of that is to overwork yourself, talk to yourself negatively, or treat yourself harshly. there are plenty of other people in the world who do that to you—don't be one of them.

i'm not saying that you shouldn't try to challenge yourself, to test your limits and go above and beyond your ambitions, if that's what you want to do. just remember that hard work and self compassion are not mutually exclusive. so be careful not to bully yourself. take pride in the progress you make, even when it seems small. encourage yourself like you would a friend who's going through a hard time. and when you challenge yourself, be your own cheerleader.

i hope you find this advice helpful! remember, this is just what helps me, so don't feel like you have to follow any of it exactly. maybe taking time to learn new information helps break you out of your rut more than working slowly, so you reach for that tool first. maybe having multiple projects going at once is too distracting for you, so you prefer to stick to one at a time. whatever your needs are, feel free to alter and adapt these ideas to fit you.

thank you for reading, and i wish you the best of luck in your creating.

with care, bee 🐦

#adhd #advice #asks #from #sourpatchsquids

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gemmahale · 6 months ago

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Ficbook.net and Unauthorized Translations - An Update

Update to the update: some of the fics have been removed! 🎉 This happened before I finished this write-up even!

You may have seen this post last night about some CoD X Reader fics having unauthorized translations posted to the Russian site ficbook.net. @karlachismylife was monumental in helping me understand what's going on, and there's some explanation in that link from her POV as well.

Basically - multiple people have copied and translated fanfics into Russian and hosted them on ficbook.net. They're rough translations, some going as far as to use literal translations for turns of phrase. Most likely, they were run through a translation software (Google Translate or similar) and then roughly edited. (Juju mentioned that there is a subset of jobs in Russia where that is your job description. 😖)

Most of them have come from Tumblr posts, some from AO3. Very few had attribution beyond "tagging" the original author. (Aka - no consent was given for these translations.)

@syoddeye took the time to compile a list found here (google sheet). At the time of writing, 65 fics CoD x Reader fics were found - we know there's more but we only have so many knives in a day. (Sy did not look into slash fics either.)

Authors that have been tagged in the comments: I'm sorry you found out this way. I wanted to tell you in person, but given Tumblr's likelihood of thinking I was spamming you, I felt that this was the best option to alert you, provide you with options, and let you determine how you wish to move forward.

So what can be done?

If you already have an account, please report the fics! I'm told that spamming reports gets it taken down. Also consider messaging the author and ask them to remove them - they do not have the author's consent to publish them.

If you want to make an account and report the linked fics, you can. I have chosen not to, because I don't want to give Ficbook any extra support I otherwise might by doing so (clicks, ad views, account numbers).

If the author does not have closed comments (or you have an account), you can leave a comment on the fic.

Russian: Автор оригинала лично подтвердил, что не давал разрешения на перевод и публикацию. English: Author of the work personally confirmed that they did not give permission to translate and publish.

Finally - check in on your author friends that are on that list. It's devastating to find out your work has been plagiarized, translated and hosted somewhere else without your consent. Reblog their work, share comments, hype them up!

A couple of notes: (Juju correct me if I've fucked any of this up 💚)

The posters are likely not making money off the unauthorized translations. The website and their owners definitely are (ads, "premium features", promotion tools, etc.)

Ficbook.net is the biggest Russian language fanfiction platform - somewhat akin to AO3, but it doesn't have a great reputation within Russian circles because of the stealing and underhanded practices the owners use.

AO3 is banned in Russia, and Tumblr is one of the few places Russians can easily (aka without VPNs and Mirrors) read English version of fanfic.

CoD isn't the only fandom affected - there are dozens that have more posted, and we only scratched the surface in our list.

Finally, if you want to translate works, TALK TO THE AUTHOR. A lot of folks don't like having their work shared without their consent. Even if you feel like you are doing a good thing spreading it to a wider audience, YOU NEED THE AUTHOR'S CONSENT. If they've deleted their presence and their stories from hosting sites (tumblr, AO3, etc) - you don't get to pretend you're doing them a favor by reposting them. Respect their decisions.

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russellsppttemplates · 1 year ago

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All the milestones (Lando Norris)

Fraser came earthside earlier than you expected

Note: english is not my first language. Believe it or not, I'm also a preemie (genetically and health wise, I am a catch, I know). Jokes aside as this is a serious topic, I was born at thirty three weeks because of some complications and it all turned out well, but I am aware of what it entailed from people telling me and it isn't something I've seen around here! Knowing that the diversity I write brings comfort to read and to ask this warms my heart up so much 🫶 I'm also basing this off of my mum's experience!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions c-section and themes related to hospital stays and procedures, prematurity, pre-eclampsia

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"I'm really sorry I can't go with you, darling", Lando apoligised as he set the plate with lunch in front of you, "it's okay, it's just an ultrasound", you responded, "we're just going to check if everything is alright with you, right, little one?", you tapped your babybump softly. At thirty weeks pregnant, you were starting to feel the tiredness and aches like you had felt in your previous pregnancy, only now you had a toddler to look after as well, so you had been taking it easy. Fortunately, you were able to juggle work and family life in a way that allowed you to make the minimum compromise to both spheres of your life.

"Drink your water, baby", Lando reminded you, tapping the jug, "I'm going to pick up my dad from the airport and then we'll both get Tilly. Are you feeling like going out for dinner or should I get take out and we eat here?", he questioned, taking a bite of his food.

"I'd prefer to stay in", you stated, "are you feeling like anything special?", he asked back.

"Right now I can't think of anything", you offered, not really looking forward to eating the delicious food in front of you if you were really being honest. Still, you manage to eat the most of it.

"Have a good meeting, Lan, I love you", you said as you put your coat on, grabbing your bag with all your documents.

"Be safe, okay, baby?", he checked, kissing the top of your head and then kissing your baby bump, "and you too, buddy, keep yourself and mummy safe and sound, don't give her too much trouble", he said, helping you out of the door before you went on your separate ways, "I love you, gorgeous mummy!", he winked before he got inside his car.

Once you arrived at the hospital and checked yourself in, your midwife Amelia greeted you in the examination room, "how have you been feeling, Y/N?", she asked as she slipped the bad on your arm to get your blood pressure numbers, sending the urine sample to the lab.

"I've been feeling a little tired, especially compared to last time, which I can only put down to having Tilly, and she's a very calm child", you giggled, remaining quiet as the machine got your numbers.

"These look quite high, did you run up here?", she asked, "no, I got here earlier than I expected actually, I've been sitting on the waiting room for a bit", you scrunched your face.

"We'll just wait for your results and then we'll see if it's something we have to wordy about", she tranquilized, "let's see you baby boy, shall we?", she smiled as you lifted your shirt, letting her apply the cream and move the wand around.

"There's your son, Y/N", she smiled, "He's a bit quiet, but the heartbeat sounds good", she smiled, taking a few more pictures so you could bring them home for Lando and Matilda to see.

A knock on the door alerted you both as Amelia was taking your measurements, "I have the results for Y/N Y/L/N-Norris", your OB checked, seeing you in the room, "Hi, Y/N, I thought I'd only see you later", she said as she walked in. She pulled on a stool and sat on it, "your results are indicating that you might be in pre-eclampsia", she said as she showed the tablet's screen to Amelia, her stern expression confirming your suspicions on how serious the situation was, "your body is having trouble keeping up with everything, hence your high blood pressure and your urine results suggest your kidneys are working overtime as well", Dr. Martin said as you straightened up, hands coming to wrap around your baby bump protectively, "your baby is fine, so that's not a big worry, but we do think it would be best if we delivered him tonight", she advised.

"But he's too small", you argued.

"You're at thirty weeks, which isn't ideal, but the survival rate is very very high for babies born at this time, and we also have a team that is specialised in preemie care, so he will be in the best hands", she comforted, "we need to give you corticosteroids to make sure the baby's lungs are ready for when he comes earthside, we'll get you admitted and monitor you and the baby to make sure he's not struggling either. In a few days, depending on how this goes, we'll do a c-section. I know it's not ideal, but this is the best way to make sure you and baby boy stay safe".

Sighing, you nodded, "okay, whatever is best for both of us", you asserted, "I just need to call Lando - my father in-law is coming to stay for a bit and they're getting Matilda from school", you thought out loud.

"Absolutely, dear, everything is going to be just fine", Amelia conforted while Dr. Martin set you up to go to a room.

Lando helped Matilda up to her car seat, strapping her in as she spoke to his father, "and did you have a good day, princess?", Adam asked, "yes, we coloured lots and we saw a couple of butterflies when we were having our snack!", she smiled as Lando drove home.

The car system alerted them of a call from you, "hey, beautiful, I'm in the car with my father and Tilly - say hi to mummy, babygirl!", he encouraged, "Hi, mummy!", she cheered, "Hey Y/N", Adam greeted too.

"Hey, guys! Lando, can you give the phone to your dad, please?", you asked, "sure, love", he said as he disconnected the phone from the car, nodding his father to take the phone in the console.

"Hey, Y/N, is everything alright?", Adam asked over the phone, "Hey, Adam, I hope you travelled well! I'm not sure if Lando told you, but I had an appointment today, and it turns out I have to be admitted", you began, "I don't want to worry him, much less when he's driving, so as soon as you get home, can you tell him to call me back again, please? Baby Fraser might join us sooner than we expected", you mumbled, nerves obvious in your voice as Adam stayed with a neutral face.

"Absolutely, Y/N, I'll let him know", he said before hanging up.

"What was it? Is everything alright?", Lando asked, knowing there would be a reason as to why you didn't want to have everyone listening to the conversation.

Checking the rearview mirror to see Matilda playing with one of her books, Adam clarified Lando, "she is going to stay at the hospital for a little longer than she expected for some check ups, she didn't want Matilda to hear about it", he said. It wasn't too much of a lie, and he certainly didn't want to scare anyone and since Lando would be calling you anyway, it could wait for a bit, "she asked you to call her when you got home. Don't worry, I'll keep Matilda entertained", he smiled.

Once they arrived, Adam left his things in the guest bedroom and met Matilda in the kuchen, "grandpa will make you some snacks. What do you want, darling?", he asked as he urged Lando to go and make a call to you.

"Hi, baby", Lando said as you picked up, "dad said you wanted me to call you, is everything alright?", he asked as he stepped inside the bedroom, hanging his coat in the closet.

"Hi, my love", you sighed and sending Lando into alert, "when they did my check up, Amelia took my blood pressure and it was really high, and my urine sample didn't look great either. It turns out I'm in pre-eclampsia and they want to keep me for observation, and it's likely Fraser will join us in the next few days", you added, "I need you here -, and things for me", you let out.

"Are you okay? I'll start packing right away", he said as he put his phone on speaker, looking for pyjamas and toiletries.

"My blood pressure is high - so far there's no distress for the baby, and they want to keep him in for as long as they can", you explained, "I, I am fine staying here on my own, that's okay, but I really need you here for a bit", you asked, "of course, my love. I'm going to pack these up quick and I'll be there. I love you", he said before you said it back, putting his phone in his pocket and zipping the bag.

"Daddy, where are you going?", Matilda asked as she saw the bag, "princess, mummy is going to stay in the hospital for a bit so the doctors can make sure her and baby are okay, and daddy is going to take a few things for her", he announced, crouching down so he was at her level.

"Is mummy sick?", she pouted, "she's a little tired, so they're going to make sure she rests up as much as she can", he slipped out, "I'm going to be there for a little bit to giver her her pyjamas so she's comfy, and then I'll be right back, okay? Can you stay here with grandpa?", he asked.

"Okay, daddy", she said before walking away, "but wait!", she called from the hall.

"I'll get dinner started and tuck her in if it gets too late - she didn't want me to tell you until you were home", he apoligised, "I know, I know, thanks for being here, it was bloody good timing", Lando mused.

Matilda came back with one of her stuffed toys, a McLaren bear she loved, "this is for mummy, so she doesn't sleep alone", she smiled sweetly. Maybe her innocence was positive because it meant she was dealing with the situation quite well.

"I'll give it to mummy, baby girl, I bet she'll love it", he smiled, kissing her cheek and leaving to the garage so he could drive to the hospital.

When he arrived, Amelia walked up with him as she told you all there was to know, knocking on your room door before they stepped inside.

"Darling", he said, setting the bag down and sitting next to you on the bed, kissing your forehead protectively, "how are you?", he asked.

"Fine, although I don't think it has really sunk in", you mumbled, playing with his fingers, "how is Tilly?", you wondered.

"She gave you Mr. Brown", he said as he fished out the bear from the bag, "she said she wanted you to have it so you wouldn't be alone in here", he smiled.

After spending as much time as he could with you, he bid you goodbye and went home, finding his father washing up the dishes as Matilda got her pyjamas on for the night, "I have a tupperware for you in the fridge if you want something to eat".

"Thanks, I've got it from here though - c'mon, little miss, we're going to sleep!", Lando hoisted her up, holding her on his hip as they walked upstairs to the bedroom, "can I sleep in your bed, daddy?", Matilda spoke in a small voice, "I don't want you to be alone either", she admitted.

Smiling at her sweetness, he nodded, "of course you can, love. Mummy sent her goodnight wishes for you, and maybe we can visit her tomorrow, how does that sound?", he smiled, "yes, please, daddy!".

"I made these for you, mummy, so your room is nice and colourful!", Matilda smiled as Lando let you in for a cuddle, your little girl getting help from her grandfather at ripping the tape so she could display her drawings she brought you almost daily, only missing days where Landk hadn't been able to bring her to the hospital because of their schedules.

"That's beautiful, darling, thank you so much", you gushed before turning to Lando, "has she cried again?", you whispered. You had been in the hospital for five days now, and two nights ago Matilda started with what was a tantrum at first and then evolved to crying about the fact that you weren't home. Lando was able to talk it out with her, welcoming her and allowing her to talk about how she was feeling and how it was beyond the fact that her tights were itching her.

"No, yesterday she told me she couldn't wait for you to come home, and that you were taking longer than she liked", he snickered, "always little miss rushing when it comes to you", he kissed the side of your head. Even though she was a daddy's girl through and through, she never made you feel left out.

"Y/N", Dr. Martin called after she stepped inside the room, "Oh, Matilda, you're so grown up already! Time flies by", she said as she waved at your little girl while Adam pulled her to sit on his lap, whispering "That's mummy's doctor, she is going to check up on her so you have to keep quiet, okay?" into her ear.

"I was checking your results, and I think between tonight and tomorrow, we might have to deliver your baby boy", she stated, everyone in the room straightening up as Matilda tried to read the adults' faces.

"His lungs look really good in the ultrasound we did this morning - as you know those were our biggest concerns, so we'll come up to monitor you, okay?", she rubbed your shoulder comfortingly before excusing herself.

"Well, I think it's best if we get going, then", Adam said as he got up, coming up to kiss the top of your head and squeeze your hand in his.

"Mummy, I know you're going to do very well", she said, earning small giggles around the room, "when can I come and meet the baby?", she stepped up to give you a kiss.

"We will have to see how it all goes, princess, but when you can, you'll be the first to come, okay?", you smiled, brushing the curls out of her eyes and kissing her head.

"I'll drop these guys home, get the baby bag and then I'll be back", Lando said, kissing your lips and your baby bump, "you stay in there for just a little longer, okay buddy?".

By the time Lando got back to the hospital, you had already been given a few medications to prep you for the c-section, "Kelly and Max advised that I shopped for some smaller clothes, so I have those in there", he tapped the baby bag, "and how are you feeling?", he cupped your cheek.

"My blood pressure is really high, so they're thinking about putting me under, like, full body anesthesia", you bit your lip. Getting surgery was already a big thing, but being completely under was another.

"Oh, okay", Lando gulped, "they won't let me be in there then", he realised, "that's not how we wanted this to happen, but it's going to be okay, gorgeous. You're the strongest woman I know, you're going to be just fine", he smiled, "and our baby boy will come out screaming and he will be the strongest little one ever", he said, trying to convince you and himself of his words. He was scared too, but it wouldn't do you both any good to dwell on it too much.

Knocking on the door, one of the lovely interns and Amelia came to get you, "are we all ready? I'm afraid you already know this, Lando, but you won't, be able to be with us in the OR", she apoligised, "I'll wait right here, if that's okay", your husband suggested, kissing you one last time before they wheeled you off, "I love you, Y/N", he muttered against your lips.

While he waited, he looked at the drawings in the room with precise attention, finding one where Matilda drew the four of you, her brother in your arms and Lando holding her hand, names scribbled under each person in Adam's writing.

Less than an hour later, Amelia stepped into the room, Lando getting up from his spot on the chair immediately, "everything went well, they were weaning Y/N off of the anesthesia, she's going to the PACU until she wakes up and then back here", she smiled, "your little boy is in the neonatal unit, do you want to come and meet him?", she asked, Lando letting out a sigh of relief at her words, "I'll let you know when Y/N comes back to the room", she ensured, having been in the job long enough to know the dilemma of wanting to be in two places at the same time.

"Yes, let's go", he said as he straightened up his sweater, "can I hug you?", he allowed himself to feel emotional, Amelia's open arms offering him a little comfort, "they're both alright, Lando, you have such a beautiful family", she cooed.

Walking with him to the neonatal care unit, she helped him into one of the gowns as they greeted the other parents inside along with all of the staff, "this is your little boy", she said, offering him a sanitizer for his hands, "he can't eat on his own just yet, so that single tube on his nose is feeding him, the other one is giving him oxygen, and those stickers are to make sure his heart is doing okay - little milestones and little victories", she explained as Lando took him in.

Surely, he was much smaller than Matilda, but he could already spot some similarities, "Can I touch him?", he asked, weary of disturbing the perfectly architected environment inside the incubator, "yes, of course! Just be mindful of the wires and tubes", she encouraged, opening the little doors so Lando could touch your son.

"Hey, buddy", he spoke as he touched his tiny fingers, "you're already such a fighter, breathing so well without ventilation", he cooed. He looked up all the complications and when he didn't see a mechanical ventilator, he couldn't help but feel proud of the baby, "he is, we did all the tests and for now supplemental oxygen seems to be enough", Dr. Martin said softly, not wanting to spook them as she showed up, "everything went well with Y/N, she should make a full recovery once it heals", she rubbed his back.

"Thank you", he said, keeping the tears at bay as he looked back at Fraser, "you're so tiny they had to roll up your diaper, hm little love?", he spoke, "there are so many people who love you and they have so much of it to give you".

A little while later, Amelia told him they were taking you up to your room, so Lando said goodbye to Fraser, "I'm going to see mummy, Fraser, and I'm going to tell her how much of a higher you are, I love you", he cooed one last time, rubbing his arm before taking his hands away, closing the little doors and folding the gown for later.

Walking into the corridor to your room, Lando could spot you in the other end, smiling as you spotted him too, "nearly beat you in this race", you smiled at him as he gestured for them to wheel you into the room, "everything went as expected, Dr. Martin will be up shortly to speak to you two", one of the interns said.

"How are you feeling, gorgeous?", he said, brushing your hair away from your eyes and behind your ears, "I'm fine, the meds are helping with the pain, I'm sure", you giggled, "they gave me a good dose".

"That's nice, at least", he said, "I've texted everyone to let them know you were okay and everything went well", he added.

"Have you seen him yet?", you asked, "yes, I have", Lando beamed, "He's very tiny and he looks a little bit like Tilly already. And he's such a fighter, too! He only had those little pin-like tubes to help him breathe, they didn't need any incisions or anything. I would've taken a picture but I couldn't take my hands away from him", he admitted.

"Hopefully soon I can see him", you gulped, knowing it would off the books for a bit since you had abdominal surgery.

"All in due course, baby. I'm so happy you're both fine", he kissed your forehead.

"I just want to hold my baby!", you hiccuped, wiping the tears falling on your cheeks while Amelia conforted you, "just one more day, Y/N, maybe two at maximum to make sure you're healing well, too", she smiled apologetically.

A knock on the door alerted you as Lando and Matilda walked inside, making you wipe your cheeks quickly, "mummy!", she cheered softly, approaching you and climbing on the bed softly since she knew you were healing, "have you been crying, mummy?", she said, hugging your arm and resting her head there.

"Mummy is upset because I can't go and see Fraser today", you explained as Lando kissed the top of your head.

Amelia excused herself as you caught up with everything back home, "grandpa asked me to give you kisses", Matilda recalled as she kissed your cheeks, "his plane has landed alresdy", Lando added, "That's nice of him, thank you darling".

"We can go and meet Fraser, Tilly", Lando said as the window they allowed visitors in was coming to the half-time mark, "I'm going to give him loads of kisses from you mummy, don't worry about it!", your daughter said sweetly as she climbed off the bed, "I'm going to try and FaceTime, okay?", Lando confirmed, handing you your phone before they left for the neonatal unit.

"Matilda, darling, you have to put this on, okay?", one of the nurses gave her a mask, "she's in nursery and she might have caught some bug that isn't showing symptoms yet and it could be harmful for the babies", he checked with Lando as your husband nodded.

"It's like a costume, Tilly!", Lando tried to make it fun for her, adjusting the gown and then the mask around her face, "you can't go around touching things, okay princess?", he stated as she nodded, ready to meet her little brother.

Lando got himself gowned and led them to Fraser's incubator, "that is Fraser, baby", he cooed, typing on his phone inside the clear bag and FaceTiming you like he promised so you too could see the moment they met for the first time.

"He's so tiny", she gasped, standing on the stepping stool so she could see him properly, "I can't kiss him, can I?", she asked and Lando shook his head, watching you smile on the screen, "I'm going to blow him the kisses I have from mummy then", she said, her hand making the movements from her covered mouth to her brother, "I love you, Fraser, and mummy loves you too, she can't be getting because her tummy still hurts a little", she told him.

"This just makes you want to have another right away, doesn't it?", Lando croaked out as he wiped a tear from his eye, your wide eyes looking at him, "not anywhere in the near future - my body knows that much!", you giggled at the soft sight, "but it is incredibly cute, yes", you smiled as tears fell on your cheeks too.

"Look, mummy! He moved his hand, he's saying hello to you", Matilda smiled, "He's saying he wants to see you, too!".

You were finally able to stand up and sit in a wheelchair, so your other goal for the day was going to see your son.

Amelia was the first to say she would take you, helping you sit and getting you there, "That's your little boy right there", she pointed as you were filled with giddiness and excitement.

Wheeling you to face plastic bassinet, your hand went straight inside, "he doesn't need oxygen anymore?", you asked his doctor, noticing the single tube you recognised as a feeding tube, "no, not anymore", he said, "we ran some tests this morning and he's doing just fine on his own, strong set of lungs he has! He woke two of the other babies up yesterday", he smiled.

Chuckling, you touched his arm softly, his hands opening and closing, "do you want to hold him?", he asked, catching you by surprise. Until now, no one ever held him as to make sure the treatments being done were working as best as they could.

"Can I?", you asked, eyes hopeful, "me and the rest of the team think he's finally strong enough to move out of here actually", he added, "not enough to go home just yet, but he can be in your room. This way you can have him close to you and of anything happens or you need help, the staff in your floor know what to do. He just needs to be able to feed without a pump, so either breastfeeding or bottle feeding", he stated.

"Wow, okay, I wasn't expecting this, I was so happy that I got to see him", you teared up, bringing your arms to position so the doctor could place your baby in your arms, mindful of the feeding tube that was still in him, "hey, my love", you cooed, touching his cheeks, "I'm your mummy. I know you were rushed out of my tummy, and it was scary for both of us, but it's looking up now", you cried, Amelia wiping your cheeks as she smiled too.

"Do you mind if we take his tube out now? Might be a little better for this little guy to be in his mummy's chest", the doctor suggested, getting the supplies he needed and setting them in the tray.

"It's okay, little guy", he said as he pulled it out, baby Fraser crying at the discomfort you could only imagine as you rubbed his back, "it's okay, my love, mummy's here to make it better", you shushed him, kissing his head multiple times.

"There, all done!", the doctor said, "if you want, you can feed him here or in your room, where you feel best", he wondered, "could we go to the room, please? I have my supplies there, too", you asked.

You had been pumping milk out since it came in, and you were finally able to feed him straight from your nipple, "okay, little one, you can't get lazy on us now that mummy has you in her room", Amelia encouraged, tapping his cheek slightly as he began suckling on your nipple, "there we go!", she cheered, "I told you it would get better, didn't I?", she winked at you.

When Lando and Matilda came for their daily visit, they didn't expect to see you walking around the room, your back facing the door, "you're up, mummy, that's good!", your daughter said as you turned around, showing her brother on your chest, "oh", she gasped.

"He passed all his tests, and he's getting chubby too", you cooed, squishing his thigh softly as Lando took the sight in, Matilda holding onto you as you patted her head and held your son. Your family was complete.

"That's daddy, Fraser", you cooed, pointing at Lando as your baby boy looked around to the two new people in the room.

"Can I have a cuddle?", Lando whispered before you transferred Fraser to his arms, your little boy curling up against him just like he had been curled up to you.

"Does this mean you get to go home?", Matilda asked, hugging you properly as you sat down on the bed with her, "not for a few days still, they just need to make sure Fraser is alright", you informed, "then we can go home and the four of us are going to have loads of fun", you smiled.

"Tilly, can you help me here, please?", Lando called as her footsteps approached your bedroom, "can you get me that bedding from the drawer, please?", Lando asked as he held the mattres up, not wanting to miss the exact placement of the sheet, "thank you, baby, you're such a clever girl", he complimented, folding the corner in and letting the mattress fall back into place.

"When mummy comes home tonight, is Fraser coming with her?", she wondered, touching the next to me bassinet you kept in your room for the baby to sleep in the first few months, "yes, he is, he's finally good and big enough to come home, no more hospital visits", Lando sighed. The last couple of weeks were hard. Juggling things on his own made him even more appreciative of you and the efforts you made to make sure everything was smoothly running in the house, as well of your friends and family who suported your family in every way they could.

"That's going to be nice, the hospital smells funny", she scrunched up her nose, "and it's going to be like before but with baby Fraser?", she wondered.

"At first mummy will need our help in many things - she still has some recovery to do, but then it will be back to normal, yes", Lando offered, "and we'll have Fraser to go with us in our adventures".

"I can't wait to show him my soft blankets and my toys", she beamed, helping Lando with the bed and then getting ready to pick you up from the hospital.

"Thank you again for all of your work and dedication, we truly can't say it enough for all you've done for our family", Lando said to the team as they discharged you from the hospital, waving at Fraser in his carrier as he looked around.

By the time the four of you were back home, you ate dinner on the sofa, Matilda cuddled up to your side while Fraser slept in your chest, Lando holding the four of you in his embrace as much a she could, "we're finally all together", you smiled, "the Norris family is all together in one place we it should be", he said, kissing your lips softly, hand coming to rest on top of yours in Fraser's back as Matilda smiled up at you, "this is the best day ever", she murmured.

Post partum blurb

#lando norris imagine #lando norris x reader #lando norris fluff #lando norris fanfic #lando norris x you #dad!lando x reader #f1 fluff #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader

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lambsixtysix · 4 months ago

Text

The Most Convenient Inconvenience

⋆ kento nanami x coworker!reader - read part two , here ⋆

word count : 2k+ ⋆₊˚⊹

Nanami sighs softly through his nose.

He can hear you moan your complaints into the side of his arm. Usually, he wouldn't allow for such unprofessional behavior, but since you were basically hobbling forward on one shoe and wearing his jacket for warmth, he'll allow it. Only this once, though, Nanami mentally tells himself.

As if to add to your embarrassment and suffering, the bakery you wanted to go to was closed. The sign on its glass doors taunting you with big, bold letters notifying the public of its closure for the night.

“Oh, come on!” He hears you say, Nanami can feel your grip on his arm tighten when you reach the bakery you promised to take him to after work. “It's not even that late!” You roll your head to the side, looking at the bakery doors as if looking at them long enough would make them magically open.

“You are not a child (L/N).” Nanami says calmly, gently pulling you away from the bakery doors. He didn't want to draw any more unnecessary attention towards the two of you.

Nanami wasn't blind. It was already an odd sight for those around you already, you clinging onto his arm for balance as you walked through the city. The weight of strangers's eyes on the way you held onto his arm didn't go unnoticed by him.

For some reason, Nanami had a feeling that Gojo was teasing him already for what he was about to do.

Nanami looks around for a nearby bench. Once he spots one, he leads you to it, helping you down to sit down. “I've been in the area before.” He states, kneeling down to button up his coat.

“Stay here and stay warm. You're in no condition to walk, and I don't want you to get sick.” After you give him an answering nod, Nanami gets up, dusting off his slacks.

He hated working overtime, but he just had to make sure you were okay. He had to.

The mission you just had was intense, even for him. Another reminder of how shitty working as a jujutsu sorcerer work was. A part of him was glad that his suit didn't get caught in the crossfires during the fight.

The other part of him wished he could've done more to protect you.

Nanami pulls out his phone as he waits in line with his basket. He checks his phone for any signs from you. Nothing. He didn't know if he should be worried or glad that you weren't wasting your energy recovering to text him something.

He didn't think he'd be in line for this long, but he keeps his dissatisfaction to himself as he waits his turn, the old lady at the convenience store counter lighting up in recognition of Nanami when he sets his basket down on the counter.

“Back again?” The old lady asks rather cheerfully despite the setting sun creeping in through the automatic store doors. “Only for a little.” He replies shortly out of habit, slipping his phone back into his pocket. “I'm here with a..friend.” He adds the last part rather hesitantly. Why would it matter if he told the old lady in front of him if you and him were friends?

Were you friends?

You were coworkers, sure. Went to the same school for four years, diverted onto different paths, and yet here you both were.

Together. Fresh from another life-threatening mission. Just another shitty day in the book for Nanami to grumble about once he's home.

All it took was some words from a convenience store old lady to make him question his entire history with you.

“A friend?” She repeats, bagging the items Nanami had carefully picked out for you. They weren't what he'd typically pick from a convenience store, but these things were for you. Not him.

“You have a good night, you hear me? You and your friend.”

With a friendly, store-approved smile, the old lady hands Nanami his change alongside the plastic bag with the things he had picked out for you inside it.

“I will.” He responds, taking the bag and leftover change.

Nanami walks back to where you were. Legs crossed, his suit jacket still hugging around your shoulders loosely. Something in him softens. He has to remind himself not to mix his personal feelings with his professional ones.

Nanami was a man of his word.

He tried to be, anyway.

He places the bag down on the bench, allowing you to look inside the bag yourself. Lightly, he taps the corner of your phone to get your attention. “Don't waste your battery, I want to make sure that you're home safe.”

He watches as you shuffle your hand around in the bag. Your eyes widen when you pull out a pair of slippers. “Eh? What's this?”

Nanami sits a respectable feet away from you. The only thing separating him from you was the multi-colored plastic bag with the convenience store's logo plastered on the front.

“I got you those as a substitute for your current...shoe situation.” He doesn't bother to look down at your shoes.

Somehow, in the middle of your previous battle, the curse managed to steal one of your boots.

“It's certainly not luxury, but I do hope you like it. It's the least I can..”

“Are you kidding me?”

You laugh, holding up the pair of slippers in your hands like you just struck gold.

Immediately with newfound excitement, you tear open the packaging eagerly, tossing it off to the side so you can try them on. Seeing you so genuinely happy makes Nanami ease up in his seat. The lines on his face seem to soften at the sight of you sliding the slippers on.

“In my favorite color too? How'd you guess, Nanami? You spoil me.”

“I'm just looking out for you, (L/N). Can't have you wobbling around on one foot, can we?”

There's a slight playful hint in his tone, barely hidden by the neutralness of Nanami's usual professional tone. “You really saved me back there. It's the least I can do.” With a tilt of his head, he gazes down at your shoes.

The colorful socks you wore were now accompanied by the new pair of slippers he had just bought you. “They have everything at those stores. Wow.”

You look down at your shoes, your fingertips sliding towards his, against the grain of the bench without noticing it. But Nanami notices. He notices, and he doesn't know if he should pull away or slide his closer.

“Thanks, Nanami. You're still looking after me after all these years, huh?”

Nothing bad would happen to either of you if he just stayed still, right? If he just enjoyed this moment with you as people walked by you without a care.

Undeniably, it felt nice to be with you this way, just sitting next to you. Nanami wonders if you feel that way too, if you truly saw the care behind the practicality of his actions. He was just looking out for you, after all. Just like he said.

Practically and propriety came to him naturally. Nanami tries to convince himself of that as you smile down at your shoes.

Your hands slide down the leg of your pants, adjusting and stretching the fabric of your colorful socks. “Man, I'm starving. Do fighting curses make you hungry too, Nanami?” You ask, your eyes meeting his. You say your question naturally as if it were as normal as asking a friend for a sip of their water.

“I wouldn't say so exactly.” He answers, not quite agreeing or disagreeing with your words. “If you're hungry, just grab whatever. I didn't know if you preferred sweets or…” Nanami cuts his own words short when he sees the look on your face.

The unadulterated look of happiness and appreciation as you grab yourself a snack makes him feel like he's short circuiting.

It's all rushing back to him now, memories of the past he thought he buried down long ago.

The way you fawned over food, reminding him of back when you were both classmates. The shine in your eye as you tried to talk about the smoked salmon stick, haphazardly held in between your fingers, the packaging peeled away messily made Nanami remember all the times you bugged him for his meals during lunchtime.

You were closer to him than he thought.

You were more than a friend to him. And he didn't know if Nanami should laugh or hate himself for not realizing that sooner.

“You shouldn't eat so quickly (L/N).” He fishes out a napkin from the bag. He hesitates to lean closer, to be the one to wipe the crumbs off of your face. You never changed since those days when you shared meals with him, those days where he used to be annoyed at the way you ate like your life depended on it.

Nanami could never be annoyed with you.

He leans closer. As gently as he could, he wipes the crumbs off of your face. His thumb brushes against the corner of your lip. “The food isn't going anywhere. You don't have to eat so quickly.”

Nanami pulls away again, back into the box he pushes himself in.

“Sorry, Nanami.” The chub of your cheeks puff out as you smile, looking content with your meal.

“Just..” He looks at you, and he sees the same face he's grown used to for years. The happy chub of your cheeks.

You felt comfortable enough to be like this with him, and he didn't know how to feel about that either.

“Be careful.” He finishes, clearing his throat and adjusting his tie to give him a chance to look away and collect himself.

“Don't choke, please.” He adds, his hands stiffly laying on his knees. In the tail of his eye, he can see you laughing. He didn't know if it was because of his stiffness or his tone, but he didn't mind. Not when it was you.

You sit quietly next to him, wiping the crumbs off of your face and tossing the remains into the bag like a makeshift trash can.

“Nanami.”

You punctuate each vowel as you say his surname. He can playfulness radiating off of you in waves.

“Yes?” He looks over at you, indifferent gaze meeting yours.

“Do you think I have a kind face?”

Your words linger in the air between you.

“What that curse said back there really... threw me off.”

You let out a carefree laugh as you speak, despite the fact you stood face to face with death.

Not only that, but you saved him too.

Nanami stares at you for a moment, his gaze unknowingly softening slightly.

“You have the kind of face people would sacrifice themselves for.” He replies, hoping that you'd leave it at that.

But you don't. Nanami has to pretend that he has to adjust his tie, he has to pretend that you were nothing more than a coworker to him.

“You're not saying that because I busted my ass saving you, are you?”

“No, I'm not. Your kindness..it exceeds more than just your appearance (L/N). I'm glad I work with you. I appreciate you for saving me.”

“I appreciate you too, Nanami.” Hearing those words coming from you makes something in his chest bloom. It goes quiet between the two of you again. Nanami feels your fingers brush against his.

“I should wear a mask, huh?” You suggest, mirth visible in your eyes. "Keep them from seeing how nice I look."

“Don't. I think you'd look better without one.”

Nanami smiles back, the tiredness in his eyes lifted the longer he looks at you.

The way you smiled at him made him feel like he was the one that saved you, not the other way around.

Most jujutsu sorcerers died with their regrets. But from that day on, Nanami knew he wouldn't be most sorcerers.

⋆ i love this man sm :3

#written by the lamb #read to your hearts content! like the fic? reblog and show your love in the tags!!#nanami x reader #nanami x you #nanami x y/n #kento nanami x reader #kento nanami x you #kento nanami x y/n #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #jjk fanfic #jjk fluff #kento nanami fluff

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unsolicited-opinions · 4 days ago

Note

Hi! Curious anon here

Do you believe it possible for someone to have "Pro Palestine." On their blog and yet be against netanyahu only, not Israel or Jews?

And if so, how would you feel about them interacting off anon?

Absolutely. I'm happy to interact with anybody who strives to be civil and intellectually honest. C'mon in.

I'm mutuals with a number of people who describe themselves as Pro-Palestinian and Zionist - and that's not a contradiction.

Since both of those terms have been muddied by propaganda, let me clarify:

A Zionist is someone who believes that the Jewish people have a right to national self-determination in a portion of their indigenous homeland. I'm a Zionist.

If being Pro-Palestinian means wanting safety, security, prosperity, and dignity for the people of Gaza and the West Bank, I'm Pro-Palestinian.

If being Pro-Palestine means being open to the idea of a new Arab state living in peace next to Israel, I'm conditionally Pro-Palestine, depending mostly on how to arrange for security and how to build trust for a lasting peace with a partner who has never previously had leadership to actually seek it.

If being Pro-Palestine means wiping Israel off the map, the murder or ethnic cleansing of Israelis, or depriving the Jewish people of national self-determination, I'm not Pro-Palestine.

Most of the Jews I know are somewhere in between loathing Netanyahu and actively praying for his demise. I've hated him 19 years longer than most of the Western "Pro-Palestinian" mob has known his name, and my loathing has only increased over time. I look forward to reading about his demise because lasting peace won't be possible to pursue while he's in power. He has to go. If he makes moves to start settling Gaza, that'll be a disaster for everyone.

Hamas has to go, and I'd like to see the PA either radically reform into a genuinely peace-seeking and effective governing entity (which seems pretty damned unlikely in historical context), or go.

I think there hasn't been an honest partner seeking peace on either side for nearly 20 years.

I hope that Arab Israelis, Emiratis, and Saudis will be very deeply involved in rebuilding Gaza after the war because none of them have much patience for radical Islamism or Jihadis these days, all have enormous resources to bring to the effort, and all have much to gain from that kind of success.

I think the situation in the West Bank is obviously unethical and not sustainable. Security is the biggest issue there and I really don't have any idea at all what the answer to that problem is...but finding an answer will require a completely different set of leaders with a different set of priorities on both sides.

I think Ahmed Fouad Alkhatib is on the right track with Realign for Palestine, and trying to actually seek peace.

I don't agree with Ahmed on everything, but he's smart, intellectually honest, capable of holding two narratives in mind as valid at the same time, and sincerely wants peace. That's exactly the kind of person I most want to disagree constructively with.

Here's an interview with Ahmed you can check out if you're not familiar with him:

youtube

I don't think my positions here are anything but centrism which many Israelis would find laughably optimistic, but you'd think from the behavior of Western "activists" on Tumblr that I favor Gaza-a-Lago or nuking Rafah...because they know nothing, but that doesn't daunt them a bit.

I'm very tired of profoundly ignorant Western idiots centering themselves and their feelings in any discussion of this conflict by condemning things they don't understand through the use of words they can't define to condescend to people they've never met operating in cultures they've never encountered, never studied, and know fuck-all about.

If they actually knew anything about Palestinians, if they actually cared at all about Palestinians, they'd be asking Ahmed how to help - not chanting Hamas's genocidal slogans and endorsing global violence against Jews.

I hate Hamas, I distrust the PA, I think the Western "pro-Palestinian" movement is doing enormous harm for mostly the same reasons Ahmed details.

But lasting peace won't be possible to explore until Hamas is gone and these tankie twats in the West are firmly told by parties actually involved to sit the fuck down.

#asks #jumblr #israel #i/p #hamas #Ahmed Fouad Alkhatib #Realign for Palestine

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stu-dyingstudent · 10 months ago

Text

Sakura Haruno fic recs: ANBU

AHHHH!!!! I love ANBU fics, especially when they involve Sakura. It was such a cool concept, which was unfortunately never fully expanded upon. However, our lack of knowledge regarding the shadow corps allows for some really cool fic ideas since authors can take creative liberty on the structure and workings of the division.

In my opinion, Sakura had the most potential out of team 7 to join ANBU (at least more than Naruto). It's all about being discreet and efficient and although she wasn't strong during og, she possessed abilities that would be valuable for this. Her clever mind, chakra control, and genjutsu potential would've made her a good fit. Naruto was too flamboyant and Sasuke was too reckless and cocky, but this is just my take. However, with her new skill set from her training with Tsunade, I don't think she would be able to go down that path anymore.

Also, try out my ANBU ROOT list (some overlap).

Started: 2024.08.06

Last Updated: 2024.08.29

note: feel free to check out my master list which has a bunch of Sakura Haruno fic recs (all organized)!

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Masks by mads999 || ao3 || kakasaku || E || canon divergent || complete

1. Sakura's Inner is far more diabolical than anyone ever expected 2. Crows prove to be cruel mentors 3. Sakura comes to learn exactly how much she hates Kakashi (as well as how alike they are, in the most terrible of ways)

Kakashi is a hateful turd and Sakura is spiteful! One of the best character developments I've read for Sakura and she certainly becomes of force to be reconned with. The ANBU lore in Masks is absolutely phenomenal and I love the whole system that is put into place as it adds for some drama (lol). Also, can we talk about how awesome crow summons are????

Five Kingdoms for the Dead - Evil Is A Relative Term || ffn || M || canon divergence || complete

After the Forest of Death, Sakura comes to realize that being weak is no longer an option. However, she finds that change is sometimes painful and that truth doesn't always come easy. Luckily, she'll have some help along the way.

It's been a while since I've read Five Kingdoms for the Dead, but I just remember it being absolutely great! I'll be honest, I found a lot of the mind stuff pretty confusing at times, but it was still enjoyable. Also, some great characters are utilized in this fic such as Neji, Sai, and Itachi. Makes me really wish that we saw more of Sakura and Neji working together in Naruto since I think they compliment each other quite well.

Trials of Change - Espoiretreves || ao3 || gen || time travel AU || complete

Haruno Sakura made a promise. Looking in the eyes of her Shisou and the reanimated Hokage, she took on the most important mission of her life. Go back in time and try to prevent the 4th Shinobi War. Now, Sakura is back to her 5-year-old body, with all the knowledge and haunting memories of the future. She vows to keep her precious people safe and stop certain events from happening, without altering the timeline too much. The trials her emotions and logic put her through have her questioning her very existence, but for the sake of peace, she has to push forward. No matter what.

Trials of Change is actually apart of a time travel series and I have to say that it is probably one of the best of the genre! Now, Sakura is not in ANBU here, but she works very closely with team Ro (Kakashi's ANBU team) and it's a huge part of the story, so I'm choosing to count it anyway. I really adore all of the worldbuilding and backstories going on here in addition to the fact that there are breaks. Yes, the story keeps moving, but there are other things going on, like playdates, and not just Sakura trying to save the world. Also, if you love Shisui then definitely check this out since he has a huge role and his and Sakura's friendship is just so precious.

bite me and see, said the fly to the spider - MirrorImage003 || ao3 || itasaku || T || non-massacre AU || ongoing

In which Sakura is not initially a part of Team 7. In which she wears her failures like armor and brandishes her fears like her most trusted weapons. In which I do what hundreds of other authors have done before me, and rewrite Sakura's story. Non-massacre AU. Canon Divergent. Slow-burn.

After Sakura's first team, consisting of the graduating class's "expendables," dies, she joins team 7 and faces backlash along her shinobi journey. Sakura doesn't join ANBU until the later chapters so fair warning that there isn't too much content in that regards (unless it updates). Nonetheless, Sakura views ANBU as vital to her career as it offers her the highest clearance she can get. Gaining her opportunities for information her civilian-born status didn't allow her privy to.

The Sixth Shadow - thinknicht || ao3 || kakasaku || M || canon divergent - eventual time travel AU || ongoing

No one seemed to find it odd when little Haruno Sakura threw herself smack dab in front of a Chidori and Rasengan. Not even Kakashi stopped to wonder.(He really should have.)

The story of how Sakura came to be the sixth hogake despite all of the challenges thrown her way. I especially love Sakura's drive in addition to the political aspects. However, be warned that Kakashi is an absolute HATER (in the beginning), but he gets better! The Sixth Shadow is extremely long and I only just recently got to Sakura's introduction to ANBU, so I can't say too much in that regard.

Daughter of Fire - justjstuff || ao3 || kakasaku || E || canon divergence || incomplete (maybe ongoing)

Sakura got up and didn’t bother brushing the dirt from her dress. She had a feeling she was about to get even dirtier.She looked at the memorial stone one last time, memorizing the characters without even realizing she was doing it. It would serve from that moment on as a reminder of her determination. She wouldn’t let Naruto and Sasuke join the names carved on that stone.That was her nindo.

Sakura's growth throughout Daughter of Fire is great and realistic all while pointing out aspects from the original series which were flawed and dare I say misogynistic. I struggled a bit in the beginning to justify her abilities, but overall the story is really well done and the ANBU aspects are quite intriguing.

cut the head off the snake - itsthechocopuff || ao3 || T || time travel AU || complete

when eighteen-year-old, post-war Sakura is thrown back into her tiny, pre-Academy body, she makes a decision. she'd had a childhood once already, and this time, she's more interested in Not Dying when the inevitable shit hits the proverbial fan. so she will work harder, care less, kill more, and smile when she's done.and hey, if she ends up reviving an extinct nature transformation to attract the most corrupt, power-hungry man from her timeline, all the better for her, right?

Such a unique take on a time travel AU and Cut the Head Off the Snake executes it perfectly. Sakura decides that her first order of business is to infiltrate ROOT and that's exactly what she does. Sai, Shin, and Shisui are all great characters and team Ro is present as well. Very good!

Flowers - Idunmy || ao3 || E || kakasaku || canon divergence || ongoing

Flowers only bloom just before they wilt When Sakura loses her fight against Ino in her Chuunin exams, she questions her ability to ever become a kunoichi, too weak to protect herself, let alone her village One wrongful promotion later and Sakura gets a second chance in the shape of a mysterious new teacher who against all odds is willing to put her faith in a young girl with potential and a willingness to fight. Or- a fix-it inspired fic where Sakura grows to be the powerhouse she was destined to become.

Flowers is a newer series (which has recent updates) and I love it! Critiques are made towards the medical ninja training, which I believe needed to be discussed and it's refreshing to see. In most ANBU fics I've read, Sakura is immediately put onto the strongest team, but here it's a bit different. She begins on a demolition squad, which not only suits her skill set quite well, but is a realistic approach to how she would be introduced to the corps. Anyway, it's one of my favorite reads at the moment and I really like where the story is going.

names. - waterpllar || ao3 || T || gen || canon divergence || complete

There are no names or faces in ANBU. Everything is designed to be strictly formal, efficient and professional. A recently orphaned Sakura, however, learns that some regulations aren't meant to be followed, and finds a place in Team Ro after being shunned from her former teammates. (fic prompt from anon on tumblr: orphaned sakura in anbu with yamato, genma, and team ro.)

AHHHH poor Sakura. After her parents' death Sakura seeks Tsunade's help out of desperation to become useful. Under recommendation, Sakura's new goal is to make it into ANBU.

Equinox - FM_White || ao3 || itasaku || M || anbu AU || complete

ItaSaku (Post Uchiha Massacre) AU: Climbing through the ranks of Konoha, Sakura finds herself with the invitation to join ANBU and a chance to learn from one of the most renowned and legendary ninja in the world. Despite her efforts to grow stronger however, she finds the world isn't as black and white as it looks and that some truths are easier to hide than others.

I don't remember Equinox very well, but I love most works by this author sooo. Anyway, Itachi stays in Konoha and instead it's Sasuke that goes rougue. Sakura, Naruto, and Shikamaru are newly joined ANBU members and all placed on a team with Itachi and things go from there.

stars in our eyes as we dream of the heavens (the gods walk among us, sweet child, do not forget) - snickiebear || ao3 || kakasaku || T || age-swap AU || oneshot complete

“Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto whispered, staring at his teacher, horror plain on his face. “You’re married?” Lazily, Kakashi looked down at his gloveless hand where his ring rested, “It would appear so.”

Sakura is born in the same generation as Kakashi and turns out as a badass ANBU married to him. This is super wholesome as it's a lot of the two of them bonding with Kakashi's genin team (Sai makes three) in an effort to help them out. It's a series so you can read more of the events taking place prior to the fic.

Anachronistic Drift - Elesrea || ffn || gen || T || time travel AU || incomplete

Her plan was flawless. Save Shisui. Save the world. Time-travel, Sakura-centric AU

Sakura spends years training to be sent back in time and save the world from Sasuke. She isn't in ANBU, but rather poses as one in order to keep an anonymous status on her doings both in and out of the village.

Sakura - lilac haze || ffn/ao3 || M || minasaku || time travel AU || complete

AU. Non-Canon. Time Travel. Please see inside for full warnings. Cross posted on Ao3. On his deathbed he was granted eternal peace and place to rest for all of time. Of course that was not appealing to him. Ever unpredictable to the end he had a counter offer. One that the Sage had to consider. In which Sakura's going to have a rough time. A really rough time.

Sakura is probably one of my all time favorite fics because the emotions are just spectacular. The story is pretty heavy on ANBU and ROOT aspects, which I always enjoy, but I wouldn't say it's a major focus. However, there is an emphasis on the unfair treatment towards kunoichi. Anyway, the characterizations and storytelling are beautifully done. Please share this author some love.

Check TWs before hand!!

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Hope y'all enjoy these recs, and please feel free to send me some if you have any!!!! I really appreciate when you do :)

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houseofanticipation · 1 year ago

Text

You wake because a shifting balance of weight on your bed has caused your mattress to shake. For a moment you think it must be Christmas morning—that'll be your little brother, jumping on your bed to wake you up—but your room is still dark, and the clock on your bedside table reads 12:00 exactly. You squint at the person sitting on your bed. Definitely too old to be your brother...maybe your dad? But no, this person's frame is too wide, too bulky. The figure leans forward, and it suddenly occurs to you to be afraid, but all he does is pull the chain on your bedside lamp.

The man in your room is Santa Claus.

It doesn't occur to you to think this is a man dressed as Santa. One of your classmates might; you know most people your age don't believe in him, and you've learned to hide your own belief, lest you embarrass yourself, but you've never stopped believing privately. You know this man is Santa Claus in the same way you've always known Santa Claus was real: it's a feeling in your heart, a knowledge that you are loved, no matter what. You get that same feeling from this man.

"Santa?"

"Little Susie Summers," he says, brushing a lock of hair away from your eyes. "It's so wonderful to finally see you in person. You know you're one of my favorites?"

Your eyes widen. "Really?"

He nods. "I mean it. You've kept me in your heart all these years, long after most children abandon me. I've so loved watching you grow into this beautiful, confident woman I see before me." His voice deep and warm and smooth, like hot chocolate. His eyes glitter behind half-moon glasses, and his enormous white mustache only accentuates his fatherly smile.

"I always knew you were real," you say, breathlessly, eager to impress. "Even when everyone called me names, I kept believing. I always stayed on my best behavior for you."

"I know you did," he says. "I have your list right here." Seemingly from nowhere, he produces a length of rolled up parchment, which he begins to unfurl as he reads. "All those times you helped young Cristopher with his homework, even when you wanted to go out with your friends...the way you check in on old Mrs. Rasherton every week...you're a real paragon of your community."

Your chest swells with pride. You'd do those things anyway, of course; goodness is its own reward. But it feels so wonderful to have your good deeds recognized by this man you so idolize.

"Of course, you've had some encounters with the naughty list, too. What child doesn't? That time at camp, for instance, when you allowed Trent Lipski to touch you under your underwear?"

You can feel your cheeks flushing. "I'm sorry, Santa. I tried to be extra good to make up for it."

"Or those times in the bathtub, when you put your private parts under the faucet?"

You look away. You can't stand the disappointment in his eyes. "I'm so sorry Santa."

You feel his hand on your cheek, gently pulling your gaze back to meet his. "Don't worry, Susie. No one can be perfectly good all the time, and your good deeds have vastly outweighed the bad. You are a good girl, Susie Summers, and that's why I'm here."

"Really?"

"Yes, my dear girl. You see, you're eighteen now and—"

"Almost eighteen," you say helpfully. Your birthday is January 7th.

"Close enough," he says. "You're growing into a woman, which means this is the last year I'll be able to bring you presents."

This comes as a surprise. You always known Santa Claus brought presents to children, but it never quite occurred to you that that meant he didn't bring presents to adults. "You mean...you'll never come here for me again?"

"I'm afraid so," he says sadly. "This will have to be goodbye. But because you've been such a good girl all these years, I've brought you one final parting gift, in addition to the ones below the tree downstairs."

"Really? What is it?"

His hand is on your thigh, caressing you gently. "You've been so good for me, Susie," he says. "I want to make you feel good. I want you to be extra good for me, one last time." His other hand is on your stomach now, furry white glove slipping under your sleep shirt. You're starting to be unsure if you want this gift, but you know it's rude to act ungrateful. "Can you be good for me, Susie?"

You nod nervously.

Slowly, one finger at a time, Santa slips the gloves off his hands. The skin underneath is like aged leather, wrinkly and soft. You gasp when he lifts up your shirt. "Look at this," he says, fondling your nipples. "Already so hard. I knew you had a naughty side to you."

No. You can't. You push his hands away, gently as you can. "I'm sorry Santa, I'm flattered, really, but I can't—"

Santa makes a clicking sound with his tongue, and all of a sudden your hands are being yanked back, toward the headboard. Some kind of cuffs clamp around your wrists, holding your arms far away from Santa's creeping, explorative hands. You look to your left and right, and see that they're not cuffs at all, but arms; thin, sinewy arms attached to a pair of thin, sinewy people no bigger than your forearm. They stare at you with large, unblinking eyes, and grin with mouths full of pointy teeth. They're strong, in spite of their size. You struggle against them with all your might, but neither seems remotely phased.

"You're a lucky girl, Susie," he says, playfully circling your areola with his thumb. "Most boys and girls never get to see a genuine Christmas elf. Meet Pepper and Ginger, two of my most trusted lieutenants. I could never do my job without their help."

The elf called Ginger—you can tell which is which because they wear name tags reading G. BREAD and P. MINT—pins your hand to the bed and sits on your wrist. She closes her eyes and begins grinding against the nub of your wrist bone.

Santa chuckles. "Of course, I make sure they get to enjoy themselves. I think that's the hallmark of any good boss, don't you?" He bends down and wraps his lips around your nipple, sucking and nibbling and groping at your other breast while he does it. You're afraid, but it feels kind of good, too. And you know Santa has your best interests at heart...doesn't he? When he comes up for air, Santa sees the tears running down your cheeks. "Oh, hush now, my dear, don't cry." He lays a tender hand on your face, wiping away a tear with his thumb. "I promise I'll be gentle with you. I'll make you feel good." He gets up on his knees and unbuckles his belt, pulling down his red pants to reveal white thermal underwear. This he unbuttons, and out comes...

You've seen a penis once before. Earlier this year, Daryl Dennis let you touch his at a party. You held it in your hand and stroked it up and down, delighting in the way he moaned and kissed you and told you how good it felt. When he came on your hand it snapped you out of whatever madness had taken you over, and you fled the room to wash it off. You hated yourself for weeks after that, tried to work extra hard to earn your place on the good list.

Suffice it to say, Santa's cock is about three times the size as the only other cock you've ever seen. It stands up so stiff that it actually touches his overhanging belly, and defined veins pulse up and down its length. He smiles when he sees you looking at it. "You came so close to letting Mr. Dennis be the first cock you ever felt inside you. I wish you could stay pure forever, but you're becoming a woman now. You should at least know what a real cock is like, so you have something to compare against."

He hooks his fingers under your waistband and pulls off your pajama bottoms and you panties all in one go. You're too afraid to fight back; those elves' teeth are sharp, and besides, you've spent so long trying to stay off the naughty list. A good girl would lie back and take it. You are a good girl. You are a good girl.

Santa's head is between your legs now. He's kissing your thighs, sniffing deeply, running his tongue along the outside edges of your crotch. One hand strokes his cock, and you can see he speeds up when his nose gets close to your pussy. "You know, Susie, I've found in all my years of life that the sweetest girls have the sweetest cunts. Did you know that?"

You shake your head.

"It's true. And you just might be the sweetest girl I've ever seen. So you can imagine how eager I've been to get a taste of this perfect, beautiful cunt. Let's get your juices flowing, shall we?" You gasp as his leathery fingers pinch the hood of your clitoris and pull it back, and a sound you didn't expect escapes your lips when his wet, warm tongue flicks across your exposed clit. He starts to trace slow, steady circles around it, taking his time, letting the desire build until your clit is throbbing with need. His moustache tickles your pubis as he closes his lips around your clit and begins sucking, first in long, slow pulls, and ramping up into quick, agonizing pulses. You begin to feel that feeling in your groin, the one you felt when you touched Daryl Dennis's cock, or when Trent Lipski put his hand in your pants, or when you hold your privates under the bathtub faucet. It's a tightness, a warmth, a wetness, and Santa must notice it too, because he smiles up at you. "Good girl. Let's find out what you taste like."

Suddenly his tongue is inside you, and you're moaning and arching your back and crying a little bit, because you're so scared but it feels so good. The elves grin and give you little kisses on your arms. Somewhere along the way Ginger has removed her pants, and she moans as her little elf pussy glides across your wrist. On the other side, Pepper's hands are on your pinky, lining it up with her exposed cunt, drooling as she pushes it inside.

When Santa comes up for air his glasses hang crooked on his face. "Hoooh, Susie, you must have the sweetest cunt I've ever tasted. Like caramel apples and candy canes. You really are one of the nicest girls who's ever lived."

You can't help but swell with pride at this praise. You've tried, really tried, and to know that it's paid off...it makes everything worth it. All the work, all the self-sacrifice, it wasn't for nothing. It's left a real, detectable mark on your body, and Santa can taste it in you. "Thank you, Santa," you manage to say.

"You're very welcome, Susie," says Santa. "And now that you're ready for me, I think it's time I made use of you." He straightens up, and flops his cock down on your stomach. It feels even bigger against your skin. You're afraid again. You know what's about to happen, and you're afraid it's going to hurt.

He throws his head back and moans with pleasure as the head of his cock parts your pussy lips. Your teeth grit and your heart pounds as you brace yourself for the pain, but it doesn't come. When he begins to push inside you, it's like he's stretching you out from the inside. There's no pain, only pressure, and increasingly, pleasure. He fills you up an inch at a time, expanding inside you, making you feel full in a way you never knew you could. You never should have doubted Santa. He knows what's best for you. He knows what you need.

"Ooohoho god, Susie," he says, picking up the pace now. "I knew you'd be worth it. I always know which good little girls will have the most delectable cunts. Girls like you, natural whores who make the choice to be nice, deny their nature to be sweet just for me...saving yourself for me...you know, somewhere deep down, that your little cunt is mine for the taking..."

He's right. He's completely right. When you fled the room after Daryl Dennis came in your hand. When you felt so guilty after Trent Lipski. What were you saying, implicitly? My holes are not for him. My holes are for Santa. You're moaning indiscriminately now, arching your back, your eyes rolling back in your head. The elves seem to be enjoying themselves, too; they moan squeakily as they ride your hands, apparently no longer worried about you trying to fight back. Santa's belly rolls across you with each thrust, and the heft of it is like a weighted blanket, comfortingly immobilizing. He grunts and moans with each thrust, the ball on his hat bouncing haphazardly. You feel something growing inside you, something wonderful and intense, something far better than the faucet on your clit, or Trent Lipski's fingers in your cunt. Your body is beginning to tremble, your legs bending and your toes flexing involuntarily. Suddenly you're afraid again; the sensation is too much, you can't handle it, you need to get away. Some animal part of your brain takes over; you're wrenching your hands free of the distracted elves, pulling yourself away from Santa's relentless cock, flailing your legs, kicking Santa in the solar plexus as he tries to grab at you. He doubles over, wheezing, and you know instantly you've done something terrible.

For a long moment the room is stock still. The elves seem just as frozen in fear as you are. Santa coughs, steadies himself against the bed. When he looks up, there's a darkness behind his eyes that wasn't there before. He clicks his tongue again, and the elves spring into action, grabbing you by the hair and turning you around so that your head hangs backward over the edge of the bed.

"I was going to give you a special present," says Santa, upside-down over you. There's a sick mirth in his voice that makes you shiver. "A Christmas present like no one's ever gotten before. But you had to go and be naughty." He says the word like it's the most vulgar epithet he can think of. "I was going to give you a son. My son. My heir. But my seed can't grow in a womb despoiled by filth." You feel a pressure inside you; it feels sort of like Santa's cock did, only harder, rounder, and growing. You lift your head to see what's going on down there, but it's all internal. It's getting painful now; you start straining to push it out. "The only thing your cunt is good for now," says Santa, a merciless twinkle in his eye, "is coal."

With a painful stretching sensation, a black mass crowns out of your cunt, spreading your pussy lips and stretching them wide as it pops out of you. It's a smooth, roughly spherical lump of coal, about the size of a baseball.

A leathery hand cups your chin and pushes your head back down. Santa's cock is inches from your face. "You're not going cocktease me, naughty girl. I'll get mine, one way or another."

Tears well up in your eyes as his cock parts your lips. You've never gotten coal in your stocking before, not once. You've spent your entire life being the nicest you could possibly be, and you had to go and ruin everything. You imagine what it would have been like to have Santa's seed growing inside you, your belly swelling with his son, your breasts inflating with peppermint-flavored milk. Instead you have his wrinkly, low-hanging scrotum slapping your face, and another lump of coal already forming inside your stupid, naughty cunt.

Santa forces his cock past your tongue, down your open throat. You gag, convulse involuntarily, but the elves hold you down, not to be caught slacking again. His belly drags across your face as he pulls back, and you spend a few seconds coughing and sputtering before he forces himself back down your throat again. Again, you gag, and when he pulls out this time you spit out a globule of thick saliva that collects around your nose and runs down your cheek. It goes like this for several more pumps: you gagging, struggling, crying, and him continuing to rape your throat anyway.

No, you think. Enough crying. You did something naughty, and now you pay for it. What do you always do when you catch yourself slipping into naughtiness? You're extra good to make up for it.

You steady yourself. Relax your throat. Santa is your king. Your god. Your everything. Your whole life, everything you do has been to please Santa. Now is no different. You start licking his shaft as it pounds away at your mouth. You can't see his face past his belly, but you can tell he likes it: the veins on his cock bulge under your tongue, and he groans with pleasure. Slowly, making sure the elves know you're not trying to fight, you lift your arms and grab the backs of his thighs, pulling him into you with each thrust. He takes the encouragement, picking up speed and enthusiasm. With one hand you begin to tenderly massage his balls, and with the other you stroke the base of his cock, the part that can't fit all the way down your throat. This is right. This is correct. My holes are for Santa, you think again. It's not for you to choose how he uses them.

You pop out another two lumps of coal, though you find that if you don't let them get too big it can be a somewhat pleasurable experience. You wonder how many nice things you'll have to do to stop them coming. You hope it isn't too easy. You moan as another one presses against your clit on its way out of you. You're desperate to rub yourself, but you can't take any attention away from Santa's beautiful, enormous, swollen, throbbing cock. That is your purpose.

With a long, shuddering groan, Santa presses his cock as deep as it will go. You feel hot cum shooting down your throat, collecting in your esophagus. He holds you there for a long time, your face in his overhanging belly, coal growing in your cunt. When he finally retreats you cough a huge glob of cum into your mouth. It tastes like cinnamon and nutmeg.

"Oh, little Susie," says Santa admiringly. "Even when you're being punished, you try your best to be nice." He sits next to you on the bed and begins gently massaging your throat. "It isn't enough to put you back on the nice list, but it's a start." He seems to think long and hard about something. "I'm a believer in second chances, Susie. I'll have to come back to this house next year for your brother anyway. Maybe I'll check in on you, and if you've been extra good..." he shoots you a twinkling wink. "I just might give you your special present after all."

Your head falls back in relief. You haven't squandered your chance! Santa is a merciful and loving god! The elves lay their heads on your breasts, petting your skin and cooing approvingly. The next thing you know, Santa is pulling up his pants, tucking in his undershirt, buckling his belt. He puts his hand on the knob of your bedroom door, but he turns back over his shoulder before he goes.

"Susie...you were right. Your holes are mine. No other cock, nor finger or tongue or any part of another person may penetrate them. But now that you're a woman...I believe it would be alright if you touched yourself, if you like. And know that I'll be watching." With that he's out the door, Pepper and Ginger in tow.

You get into a comfortable position in bed, head on your pillows, legs spread. You're slowly amassing a small pile of coal on your bedspread, and you're ready to go for another. You let this one grow a little while inside you, expanding until you can't take it anymore, then arch your back and close your eyes and furiously rub your clit as you birth it.

As a ball of coal the size of a small cantaloupe rolls to a stop on your sheets, your bedside clock clicks over to 12:01.

#r@pe fantasy #r@pe kink #cnc free use #cvmdump #cvmslvt #r@petoy #breeding toy #have you ever written a line that made you say 'jesus christ what is wrong with me'#anyway happy holidays to all you lovely filthy people out there #Library 🜞

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haikyu-mp4 · 1 year ago

Note

hi omg i love your works sm !! each one is so cute and i love your dialogue for the characters 🫶 i've read most of them but i'll be going back to reread and reblog them bcos u deserve the love 🤍

i wanted 2 ask if ur requests were open ? it's okay if they aren't ofc !! but i had this idea earlier about dentist / orthodontist iwaizumi or oikawa ! and i've been looking thru the hq writers that i've reblogged from n u came up ! the idea is pretty broad but i was thinking more of a build up from patient-dentist (?) to lovers, smth like that ! idk if ure up for it then do ur magic but otherwise i hope u have a great day and i'm looking forward to reading more from u 💞💞💞

Unusual affection

thank you so much for your love!! I never wrote much AU before so this was such a fun idea and I hope I did it justice<3

word count; 1353 – gn!reader, dentist Oikawa AU, patient-dentist to lovers, suggestive

You're not so fond of going to the dentist. Luckily, your teeth didn’t give you many problems growing up, but your parents were urging you to get a check-up appointment after you moved away to a new city. Better to establish a dentist before the issues come up, they would say.

So you did, you made an appointment with dentist Oikawa Tooru and made your way to his office a few weeks later. His waiting list wasn’t exactly short. Not that you had to wonder why for long because…

that is one gorgeous man!

“You need to floss more regularly,” he added as if it just came naturally for him, which it probably did. You lay on the seat as he looked over all the basic stuff, rinsing and picking at your teeth. Unfortunately, you couldn’t see yourself attracting him very much with your mouth wide open and lips scrubbed dry already, so you just accepted your fate.

“I’m not really a dancer but I’ll try,” Oikawa stopped what he was doing and the swivel chair he sat on slowly turned towards you. That’s like something Makki would say, he thought. And that’s not a compliment.

“How old are you, 10?” he asked but quickly cleared his throat when the secretary seemed to eye him from her desk. She always said he shouldn’t have an attitude with customers.

“Some would say I’m a 10 out of 10!” you responded, joyfully watching as his patience wore thin. Oh, how fun to find cracks in that perfect exterior.

He sighed, shook his head, and turned back to the monitor. You started looking at the ceiling, counting the dots and lines in the ugly pattern until you lost count and started over. Is that a headache creeping up on you?

Finally, Oikawa rolled back over. You blinked a couple of times to shake off the view of the ceiling and actually focus on him. “Open.” Wouldn’t mind hearing him command you like that in another setting, you thought, suddenly avoiding eye contact again but still doing as he said. Dentists are not supposed to be this attractive. “Your wisdom teeth on this side, do they hurt?” he asked, pointing to the cheek he was referring to.

You thought about it, humming in thought. “Yes, especially after eating. Lots of food gets stuck in there too.”

“We can set up another appointment to get them removed,” he informed you. “It should be mostly covered by insurance if I say it’s necessary.”

You nodded, licking your lips as they felt so dry from his gloved hands running over them. “Will…” he was about to stand up but stopped for a moment to listen to you. “…you be doing that?”

A small humorous sound left his lips, and it sounded so melodic you were in a trance. “That could be arranged.”

Two weeks later, you’re back at the reception of your dentist's office, asking for Oikawa. You agreed to do the procedure with a local sedative, as you didn’t have that many close friends in this city yet that could pick you up, so two assistants were currently making sure you wouldn’t feel anything around your mouth for the next hours. Unfortunately, this called for you to stay quiet, and you were honestly just excited to see Dr. Hottie again.

Your prayers were answered, and after they left you to soak in the numb feeling in your mouth for about ten minutes, Oikawa walked through the door. “Hey there, little dancer.” he greeted you.

“Hi!” you cooed, but it sounded odd when you couldn’t feel your lips. You frowned, trying to look down at your lips for a moment before giving up. Oikawa clicked his tongue from where he watched you, shaking his head before putting gloves on. Everything he did seemed so elegant, but you had a sense there was a dorky side to him.

“It might hurt a bit, but just tap me if you need me to adjust, okay?” he informed you, looking into your eyes for an answer.

You nodded, sucking in a quick breath. His eyes were pretty. Swirly, like chocolate ice cream. “Yes, I got it.” You bit your top lip, sheepishly continuing. “My safeword is toothbrush.”

Oikawa seemed to chuckle under his breath, he hesitated to humour you but still gave in. “Good to know. I was half expecting a stupid joke about tap dancing.” he hummed before picking up the first tool he needed and swiftly getting to it. It wasn’t very fortunate, to have him stare at your face as your cheeks flushed red, but it was worth witnessing the self-satisfied smirk on his face.

The procedure didn’t take too long. He struggled with the lower tooth, so an assistant came in to help him and the two conversed like you weren’t even there. When it was finally done, Oikawa pressed a button so you were adjusted into a seated position. You let your lips run frantically over your chapped lips, reaching for the small cup of water he provided you. And had you not been busy with the aftermath of the procedure, you would have noticed the way he watched you for a moment too long before getting up and throwing away his gloves.

Oikawa knew it was inappropriate. His breath shouldn’t have stuttered when he saw you in the waiting room for the check-up, he shouldn’t have sent you a small wave before calling your name to let you know he was ready for you, and he shouldn’t have put his hand on your back while leading you to his station. He just found you entertaining, that’s what he told himself, but he definitely looked off his game when you finally sat down for him to check the stitches from the procedure.

“Everything alright there, doc?” you asked, eyebrows furrowed. Oikawa waved his hand as if it was nothing, laughing under his breath.

“No worries, I was just-” he pursed his lips before pointing at you with the little tool in his hand. “Do you like pasta?”

Your jaw loosened in disbelief. “Pasta? I guess I do, is that bad for my teeth or something?” you asked a bit awkwardly.

“There’s this new Italian restaurant down the street. You should go there,” he said. “With me, I mean.”

Oikawa’s penthouse apartment was pretty nice, so you two basically spent most of your time there after a couple of dates led to stumbling through your front door with your lips locked together. He had complained about the small bed and creaking floor of your apartment, which led him to take you home to his place the morning after.

Now you were sitting on the marble countertop in the bathroom with Oikawa standing between your legs, and it was similar to something you had dreamed up before when imagining life with a boyfriend. The difference was, you weren’t kissing or anything like that. No, your mouth was wide open as your handsome boyfriend checked your teeth before bed after you brushed them. “This is a bit unusual, don’t you think?” you managed to say, making him pout as you accidentally left a small bite on his pointer finger.

“You’re a bit unusual, but here we are,” he mumbled, but still hummed in appreciation at what he observed. “I knew the electric toothbrush would help.”

Finally, he leaned an arm on each side of you on the counter so you could have a kiss, which you’d say was a much better reward for being good at the dentist than the ones you would get when you were younger. “You truly are a genius, Tooru.” you cooed sarcastically. He kissed you again and hummed, savouring the aftertaste of your toothpaste. The expensive kind.

“Maybe I’m such a good dentist that my kisses clean your teeth,” he said, and it shouldn’t work. It shouldn’t be charming. It was cheesy, made no sense and created some disturbing mental images. But you savoured it nonetheless, accepting every kiss he gave you and returning it with the same sweetness.

Luckily, this dental nerd is all yours.

masterlist

#ask-mp4 #hq #haikyuu #haikyu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyu x y/n #haikyu x you #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader #haikyuu oikawa #hq oikawa #oikawa toru #oikawa

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amerricanartwork · 11 months ago

Text

Since I've drawn Gourmand quite a few times as of recently, I realized I wanted to get a bit clearer on his volumes. Specifically, I wanted to know each of the separate parts of his body and a clearer reference for the flow of it all. So, since I'm realizing I quite enjoy making visual note pages working out the particularities of characters' designs, I spent some time yesterday making this ref for him! Feel free to use it as well, if you'd like!

Also, since it's been on my mind recently, there are some longer thoughts of mine on character design down below!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

After doing the iterator silhouettes, I'm realizing that, in addition to shape language, there's another element I find important which I'm going to call "shape rhythm" for now. Rather than the basic shapes a character is made of, the rhythm refers to how those shapes flow into each other to guide the viewer's eye along the character. I've said before that I enjoy pleasing shapes, so by extent I enjoy when a character has a nice, pleasing rhythm where all of their features flow into each other really neatly!

There's also this other term I use called "weight distribution", that I think is useful too! It's basically where the mass of a character is focused and what it might show or symbolize. I also wanna specify it doesn't necessarily have to be actual, heavy mass too; I'm more so using "weight" to describe the size of things and how much volume they appear to have. For example, if a character wore a big, baggy jacket and had thinner legs, I'd say the "weight" is focused in their upper body, even if the jacket itself isn't literally heavy and their actual upper body underneath is also thin.

Even characters with more extreme body mass, like Gourmand (or Five Pebbles, as I imagine him), could still have the majority of their weight centered at a specific point. This could show what feature that character uses most often, what they think is their most valuable asset (both literally and in terms of what that feature may represent), or perhaps what the people around them notice about them first. Alternatively, you could also hint at a character's internal traits through what parts of their body don't have a lot of mass or emphasis, and perhaps show what they use very little or what is ignored about them. I think what isn't very prominent in a character design could show just as much about who they are as what is very obvious and noticeable about them.

Playing with the distribution of weight and combining it with how each feature guides the viewer's eye to another I believe can be used to make more pleasing character designs, since these elements together can imply a natural flow of energy from one point to another that can be pretty cool to look at, if you ask me! And then again, I just love how it can be used symbolically too, showing what's significant both through what is and isn't given lots of emphasis!

Now, technically, both of these could be considered sub-categories or elements of shape language. Regardless, I wanted to talk about them because I've recently come to the discovery that they can be quite influential in-and-of themselves, and I think they go beyond the general explanations of shape language I've heard so far, to the point they deserve their own terms. I at least am definitely gonna be using them going forward!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

If you read all of this, thank you for checking out these ideas! What are your thoughts on these concepts?

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creambunnie · 8 months ago

Text

Noona!!!!!

ZEROBASEONE - Park Gunwook X You

Fluff Angst

Enjoy~~~~~~~~

You took the book that you had been searching for and couldn't help but flip through the pages as you walked back to your table.

The library was quite empty so you didn't expect to accidentally bump into someone who was walking from your right with a stack of books.

The two of you stumbled from the force, and the guy's books were scattered.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going". The guy apologised as he picked up his books one by one. You were a bit guilty because you were also not looking.

You helped him pick up the last book and handed it to him. Instead of taking it, the guy blinked a few times and stared at you with an amazed face. You were in a rush so you gave an awkward smile and put the book on the top of his stack.

You then returned to your table. You were scanning the pages for the information that you need for your research when suddenly the chair opposite you was pulled.

You looked up and saw the guy earlier. He smiled cutely before comfortably placing down his things on your table and had a seat. You scratched your forehead.

"Uhh, do you need any help?"

The guy shook his head.

"I'm Gunwook, and you are... the most beautiful person I've ever met!"

Before you could reply, he cut you off.

"Oh! Are you also a Psychology student?" Gunwook guessed right looking at the books you were reading.

You only nodded. His smile brightened and he looked like a happy puppy. "Me too!!!! But I don't think we have any classes together?"

"What year are you in?" You finally got to ask.

"I'm actually in my first year! It's my first semester so I'm a bit lost on a lot of things so here I am, trying to figure things out by reading the books the professors recommended! How about you?"

You sighed. "I am..... way too old for you to be interested in."

Gunwook wasn't phased by your answer.

"Noona?"

You felt goosebumps all over your body when he called you that.

"I'm in my final year and I'm graduating soon."

Gunwook's eye sparkled. "You're so cool! It's not a problem because I am into older women!"

You closed your book as you couldn't concentrate anymore at this rate.

"But I'm not into younger guys".

Gunwook pouted and did some calculations in his mind.

"Aren't we only like 3 years apart??? That's not much of a difference, is it?"

"Look kid, we just met each other for the first time. There are other beautiful girls who might be interested in you."

"But I'm only interested in you, Noona! Even though it's our first encounter, I've never felt anything like this before! It's love at first sight!"

You scratched your cheek this time. You really didn't know what to do. He was cute you had to admit it. Gunwook was kind of your type too. But he was a bit too young for you.

"I am interested in mature guys. You know, guys who are more socially aware and empathetic."

Gunwook quickly sat up and changed his expression into a more serious one.

"Then I'll do my best to be just like that!"

You chuckled at his cuteness and determination. You checked the time and started packing your things.

"Sorry Gunwook, I have an appointment so I'm going first. Goodluck on reading up your materials."

Gunwook changed back to his cutesy expression and nodded like a little kid. You chuckled again and walked away.

The next couple of days which turned into weeks, Gunwook would always find a way to greet you on campus. Since you were in the same department, it was easier for him to see you.

At first you tried to avoid him, but after a while, it was pointless because Gunwook would whine and cling onto you more. You were getting used to his presence and sometimes even looked forward to meeting him during your stressful semester. He was still carefree as ever.

You sighed as you came out of your supervisor's office. You thought your final year project was going well but getting a strict supervisor made you extra stressful.

"Noona!!!!!!" You heard his voice from afar. Gunwook ran towards you with a bottle of strawberry milk.

"Here I got this for you!"

You smiled lightly as you felt a bit cheered up by having Gunwook here.

"Thanks.."

Gunwook frowned and leaned down to your eye level. Your heart skipped a beat.

"Noona.. Are you okay? You look sad."

You quickly turned your face away from him to hide your embarrassed face.

"Uhm, it's just about my final year project.. My supervisor is very particular about certain details and I just can't help but feel like all the things that I've done so far is useless."

Gunwook hummed as he thought of what to say.

"If you'd like, I could help you out!! Let's go to the library together!!"

You chuckled and shook your head. You patted his shoulder and started walking.

"It's fine, I want to take a break from the project and clear my head first."

Gunwook grabbed your wrist and pulled you to the other way.

"That's great!! I was just about to invite you to watch my soccer match!"

You were confused but let him drag you anyway.

"Hmm? What if I had agreed to go to the library with you earlier?"

Gunwook only smiled cutely and continued walking.

"You know I would always fix my schedule to match yours so no need to worry about deciding anything, okay?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHH you were seriously about to fall for his sweet talk.

Gunwook led you to the front row seats.

"I have to go change, don't forget to cheer for me later on okay!" He quickly went to the back with his teammates.

You were not much of a sports person but watching Gunwook play with a big smile on his cute face made it fun. He also looked good in his sports attire.

After a few tries, Gunwook finally goaled a score. He cheered with his teammates and combed his hair back with his hand. You gulped at the sight and quickly looked away when Gunwook made eye contact with you. Gunwook grinned at your reaction.

Gunwook's team took the win for the friendly match between students from the Psychology department.

He celebrated with his team before running towards you excitedly.

"Noona! My team won!!! So can I have your number?"

You were surprised at his sudden question but also embarrassed because his voice was loud and the people around you were waiting for your reply.

You shyly nodded and everyone waiting cheered for Gunwook.

"That's my number! Don't forget to save it okay?" Gunwook said as he gave you a call. You hummed and thought of what to save his contact as.

The two of you walked out of the campus together before separating at the front gate.

"Bye Noona! I'll text you later!! hehehe"

You shook your head in amusement as you watched his back became smaller as he ran further.

You finally lied down on your bed after finishing your house chores and taking a shower. You rolled around for a bit before checking your phone. You chuckled at the notification.

From: Cheeky Kid ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Noona!!!!!!! Are you free this Friday?

To: Cheeky Kid ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

I need to meet my supervisor in the afternoon, so I should be free after that. Why?

You didn't even need to wait for a minute before he replied.

From: Cheeky Kid ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Good!!! I was thinking of taking you on a date!

You couldn't help but giggle. Gunwook was always so smooth, he won't let you catch your breath.

To: Cheeky Kid ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Hmmmm, sure I guess. Just text me the details later.

From: Cheeky Kid ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Let's meet up at the busstop outside the campus at 3pm?

To: Cheeky Kid ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Alright, see you.

It was finally Friday. You were a bit nervous. Not because you had to meet your supervisor, but because Gunwook specifically said it was a date.

You wore a cute floral dress and styled your hair neatly. You even picked another bag that would match your outfit but still fit your laptop.

You tried to discuss quickly about your project so you could prepare yourself mentally before meeting Gunwook. It was weird, you meet him almost everyday but today was extra nerve-wrecking.

You reached the busstop five minutes earlier. However you waited and waited. It's been 30 minutes and Gunwook had not arrived yet.

You thought maybe he had some urgent matters to attend to so he was a bit late. But 45 minutes in, you were worried. You quickly texted him.

To: Cheeky Kid ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Hey Gunwook, is everything okay?

You waited for his reply but the message was not even delivered. After an hour of waiting, you decided to just walk back home. Maybe he really had some emergency and did not have time to text you about it.

To: Cheeky Kid ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

If you're suddenly busy, it's fine. I'll just go back first.

You chuckled bitterly to yourself. Do you like Gunwook that much that you're only thinking good things about him?

You passed by a popular internet cafe and had the feeling that you should look up. You stopped walking when you saw his familiar face, gaming with his friends.

You frowned in confusion. You took a deep breath and just continued walking, your mind were racing with so many thoughts.

"Yo Gunwook, isn't that the senior that you've been chasing?" Gunwook's eye widened as he stood up.

"Shit! What time is it now?" He took out his phone and just remembered that he switched it off earlier because his friend was call spamming him.

"Uhh 4.30pm. Why?"

Gunwook slapped his forehead and quickly took his bag.

"I need to go!!!"

His friend was confused but shrugged.

Gunwook cursed under his breath as he ran searching for you. He had walked you home once because you finished late so he knew your address.

He felt like crying when he finally saw your texts. Gunwook was guilty, he ran quite a distance but still didn't see you. As he was running, it suddenly started drizzling. He still didn't stop looking for you. He wanted to see you.

"Noona!!" He called out as if searching for a missing child.

He ran pass a busstop but quickly turned back when he realised that you were seeking shelter there.

"Noona..." Gunwook softly called as he saw your sad expression.

You looked up and took in his appearance.

Gunwook was in a simple black shirt and black jacket as if he just finished working out. He was panting from running and he was trying to wipe his wet face with his hand. He looked handsome.

"Why.. why do you always do that?" You blurted out.

You saw panic in Gunwook's eyes. He thought you were mad at him.

"D-do w-what?"

You didn't answer and just took out your clean handkerchief. You walked closer to Gunwook and helped him wipe his face. Since he was way taller, he had to bend down a bit and met you at eye level. You tried to ignore his stare as you felt your face warmed up.

"Noona.."

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry.. I know this all might sound like an excuse but I lost track of time. My friend kept calling me asking to help him level up in his game so I switched off my phone because he was annoying. But I still went to the internet cafe and helped him, and I forgot to switch my phone back on.. I actually set an alarm for our date..."

Gunwook stopped babbling when he finally realised that you were looking straight at him with an expression that he had never seen on you before. He didn't know what it was. You didn't seem happy nor sad. You also didn't look angry. You just looked calm.

"No, Noona. I made a mistake. I must've hurt you. I am sorry for making you wait alone. I promise it will never happen again. No wait, actually I can't promise because I'm scared I would be stupid enough to repeat this same thing and I--"

Your chuckle cut him off. Gunwook was still bending down to your eye level and the urge to just kiss your lips was strong. He however refrained himself.

"Noona. Can I be your boyfriend?"

You were not surprised at his question but surprised at his sudden timing to ask.

"You always do this. You always catch me off guard."

Gunwook smiled at your answer. "So is that a yes?"

You rolled your eyes playfully and pinched his cheek softly.

"I mean, how could I ever say no to this face?"

"So you only like me because of my face?!"

You shrugged and patted his cheek.

"And if I say yes?"

Gunwook pouted and clung onto your arm.

"Nooonaaaa! I'll take it, and then try to be more mature, just like you like!"

You chuckled at his words and shook your head.

"I'm just joking. I like you just the way you are Gunwook."

Gunwook cheered cutely before leaning down to peck your lips.

You touched your lips and broke into a smile.

"Do you like me that much, Gunwook?"

Gunwook nodded with a stupid smile and pulled you into a hug.

"Noonaaaaaa!!! Good morning!!" Gunwook greeted you in front of your house. Since that day, he would walk to campus with you when your classes timing matched. If he was clingy before, he became extra clingy if that was even possible. You were glad you gave Gunwook a chance.

One minute of silence for this author who is attracted to Gunwook 🥲✋🏽 Hope you guys enjoyed the fluffffff!!!!

#zerobaseone #park gunwook #zb1 gunwook #gunwook x reader #zerobaseone gunwook #gunwook imagines #gunwook fluff #gunwook moodboard #gunwook

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boredpotate · 6 months ago

Text

Happier Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Arcane or anything I link. Just the concept. Also I'm not a medical professional so if what you read seems dumb, just imagine it makes sense.

Concept: Isekai Fem Reader turns back time to fix her timeline, but has unforeseen consequences.

Reader Pov

As I sit here waiting for Vi and Cait to show up with whatever amount of enforcer's they plan on bringing, I polish up my old mining helmet after I already finish doing the same thing with my lucky revolver. I've been sitting here waiting on the steps of some random building that hasn't been occupied in awhile.

'I may have showed up a little too early.' It's felt like I've been here for hours, but they still haven't showed up. I also occasionally checked the tunnel for anyone going in or out, but no luck. Must be too early to catch anyone. So I took a quick peak inside just to see the tunnel lead deeper than I can see into the mines.

I suddenly hear footsteps and quickly stand up with my gun in hand. I relax once I see the familiar head of hair, pink standing out the most. I see Cait with one of her family's new rifle models and Vi with what looks like a modified pair of gauntlets.

'Still a brawler,' I thought as I smile behind my mask, before running my gaze over four other enforcers behind them. One of them having a very familiar larger stature reminding me of a friend Vi made in the Enforcers; being pretty much confirmed once I see a large shield on his back, 'Yup, definitely the same guy. Didn't get to know him that well, but he seemed like a nice guy too when he was training the volunteers. Though the team looks one person larger than normal than I remember.'

I holster my gun before putting my helmet back on and approaching the group to talk to Cait.

"Good to see you here. I started thinking you were gonna bail on me."

"We wanted to be sure we wouldn't be spotted, so we took a longer route to get here. Hope you weren't waiting long." Cait explains, having her professional tone back in action.

"Don't worry about it. So who are the other four?" I ask which makes Vi step aside and she start introductions. First gesturing to the big man himself.

'What was his name again?'

"This is Loris, he's usually in the front when clearing a room and stays close with Cait and Robyn in confrontations. He's really good with that shield of his and is good in a melee too," then the to one wearing what looks to be a vest and wielding tonfas, "this is Steb, doesn't talk much but he has good instincts, he's fast and can handle guarding our rear," next is a kinda short girl but I know they aren't that traitor bitch since their hair looks more like a caramel brown and reaches their shoulders, "next is Robyn, she's only recently joined but is a great addition to the team. She handles carrying and deploying gasses and explosives if needed and providing some fire support when she's not deploying them."

"Also isn't a turncoat." I barely manage to catch from the taller woman. She's the 2nd tallest here.

"Finally is Sevika, we usually lead the front together and clear a way for the team when in a sticky situation. Other than that we usually switch between making sure no one get's too close to Cait or overwhelms the group overall," she says before turning to the four behind her, "Guys this is Y/n, better known as Bloodhound." Vi finishes introduction, but I'm too busy staring at Sevika. No longer missing an arm.

'Sevika as an enforcer. Who would've guessed? This timeline really is better for everyone.' I thought as I see Loris step forward towards me.

"Well, I'll be honest I thought you'd be taller, but I'm not complaining. Hopefully this job goes good, huh?" he says as he raises a fist to offer a fist bump which makes me smirk before returning the gesture, "heh, I like them already." he says as he turns back to the others which makes Sevika and Steb shake their heads, but the girl looks stiff as a board for some reason. Probably nervous.

"Let's just get the job started. What do we know?" Sevika asks as the rest of the group gathers closer together.

"I haven't seen anyone going in or out while waiting. Took a quick look in the tunnel, but it goes deeper than I can see. Last time I saw people go in it took a couple hours for them to go in then come out, so the walk might be long. We're gonna need to move quick if we want to find out what's down there before people start showing up. I'd rather not have people hitting us from both sides." I explain to the group, before we start planning how we want to approach this operation.

Once we finally move into the tunnel it's Loris and I up ahead of the group, then Sevika and Vi, then Cait and Robyn, and Steb behind all of us to watch our rear just in case someone shows up.

At first our guard was mostly up, but once it was obvious that nothing would show up for awhile we treaded at a more calm pace. I also noticed a slight incline bringing us deeper underground. We stayed in silence for most of the walk before someone finally decided to break it.

"So, Bloodhound huh? Quite the title." Loris says which makes me roll my eyes.

"I didn't choose it."

"Hey, I'm not judging. Cooler than mine if you ask me. I could only come up with "The Wall" when our little task force starting making a name for itself."

"I wonder why." Vi says sarcastically behind us. I can hear the smirk on her face, which makes me lighten up a little.

"I'm being honest, I didn't choose mine. I only found out about it yesterday. Had no idea I had any sort of rep in Piltover, let alone a title." I say and hear a scoff come from behind me.

"You saying you didn't notice that pretty much everyone left you alone, including the enforcers? Are you just that clueless?" Sevika asks and I shrug my shoulders.

"I thought I was just an outcast. I don't really fit in with today's Zaun if you haven't noticed. I'm a merc remember?"

"I don't think you're that bad." I hear and turn to see the girl, Robyn. I also see shoulders tense when my eyes land on her which makes Loris chuckle.

"She's a big fan!" Loris loudly whispers which makes Robyn groan.

"Loris!"

"She said you inspired her to join the enforcers a few years ago," he says which makes me raise a brow at Robyn who now looks too embarrassed to look me in the eyes now. Only making Loris laugh even more, "Must've been one hell of an inspiration too, because she climbed fast."

"How does a merc inspire someone to be an enforcer?" I question her since the concept of it confuses me.

"W-Well, um..... you saved my family a few years ago. They got into some debt with a gang and no one could really do anything about it. They called themselves the Sewer Rats."

"Oh, right, I remember them. Mostly loan sharks. Honestly they were asking to get taken out eventually with a name like that." I recall the horrible gang emblem and the fact that they all stunk. Their gang was literally in the sewers, which was disgusting.

"Yeah. I remember blaming the world and everyone for my family being stuck in debt because no one wanted to help, even though I didn't really do anything about it either. Then one day you came around and started kicking ass left and right all by yourself. You were pretty scary, but you also brought hope to people and helped a lot; even if you didn't mean to," she says which makes me ponder for the first time on how my actions may have affected people other than my family and friends, "It made me think 'If one person could do that. Then why can't I?' so I joined the Enforcers. I didn't want to feel helpless like before. I wanted to make a difference." she finishes which makes me feel..... honestly I don't know how it makes me feel. To know that I am a inspiration to someone in some way.

"Well, I hope your family is okay now." I say since I couldn't think of anything better to say.

"They're fine now. Moved out of the deep end of the Undercity after you took out that gang. Started making an honest living...... thank you."

"Don't ment-" I immediately go silent and signal for the group to stop as I hear some distant noise up ahead. Sounds like people talking. No yelling.

We all move slowly forward as we make our way forward until we finally reach the end of the tunnel.

"It is one person! You're saying one person is causing trouble with establishing groundwork in the deep end of the Undercity!?" I hear someone yell and it strangely sounds familiar.

We move into what looks to be a large mined out area of the mines with paths along the walls leading down to a lower levels, old railroads leading up and down the path fpr minecarts and old tunnels being connected here and old mining equipment being left to rust.

We move in quietly watching out for some of the people that are hanging around the area, but slacking off from keeping watch. We stick closer together and move past more people until we reach a spot to look down to the bottom level to see more gang members spread around and working, until I finally spot a familiar face which makes me scowl.

'Chross. Even when Piltover is thriving you can't fucking have enough!?' I think before my eye catches something that makes me even more upset. Children. Working in the mines, like last time. Only a few, but still bad.

"This is fucked up." Loris says, hiding nearby behind a minecart with Robyn.

"Chross," I hear Cait seethe crouching next to Steb and Vi, "I knew he was under investigation for suspicious activity, but I didn't think he would have started a gang." I hear her say, but my eyes are still locked onto the kids.

"How the hell did they all get down here?" I ask to no one, but I get an answer anyway.

"We heard of orphans going missing, but couldn't track them down. Some assumed they left to pursue a life somewhere else; it's not uncommon for a kid to go missing then find out they're working on some trading ship or somewhere at the docks a few days later." Robyn answers and I can hear the angered undertone in her voice.

"Listen, we know that bastard is behind it now, so let's prioritize getting those kids somewhere safe. Any ideas?" Sevika asks as she turns to the group.

"Maybe we can..." whoever it was that was talking I don't remember because my eyes widen on another familiar face.

'No. Why are you here!? You aren't supposed to be here!' I thought as I see a familiar kid with a mining helmet on her head.

"Isha." I say as memories of her fly through my head. That precious little girl who became family, who loved so much, cared so much, and sacrificed herself. My eyes begin to water.

"You know one of them?" someone asks, Sevika maybe, but I ignore it when I see Isha starts coughing and looks too exhausted to keep working. One of Chross' henchmen notice.

'Don't.'

"Hey! No one said to stop working kid!" the man yells, but Isha looks to tired to pick up the mining tool. He walks over to her and shoves her to the ground causing the other kids to look at the commotion in fear. My heart starts beating rapidly and my hand clenches my gun, "What did I say!? Back to work!"

I see Isha crawl backwards away from the man as he reaches for a baton on his waist. My grip on my revolver tightens.

"Oh no."

The man takes it off his waist.

"Don't. If you do something everyone here wi-"

The man raises the baton high.

"We will get them out, but yo-"

The world slows down.

I watch him hit her.

I hear her cry.

The sound echoes in my ears.

He just hit Isha.

He goes to hit her again.

I don't let him.

"ISHAAAA!" *BANG*

I see RED.

Vi Pov

'This definitely did not go a planned!' I thought as I knock out another thug and help Steb defend our rear, as we all move to keep up with Y/n. She has completely lost it.

"AAAEEERRRGGGHHH!!!!"

"PLEASE! N- AAAAHHHH!!!!!!" another person dead. Y/n slamming the apex of her shovel into their face. They're left to bleed out as Y/n charges to the next with a gun and shovel.

"I see why they call her Bloodhound!" Loris says before bulldozing over someone and slamming two other people into a wall.

"What's happened to her!?" Cait asks as shoots some more incoming thugs and covers Y/n's back wherever she can. I help Steb deal with the last of the people behind us before turning around and see Sevika chuck someone off the edge to fall all the way to the bottom.

"The guy she shot hit a kid she knows! I tried stopping her, but she lost her mind!" Sevika explains as she takes out any leftover stragglers that Y/n is leaving behind.

"Well on the bright side! We're making good progress!" Robyn says as she stays close to Loris, but I think she's enjoying watching Y/n lead the charge a little too much...... for some reason that kinda upsets me.

"WAITWAITWAIT! I'M SO- AAAHHH! MY SPINE!!!!"

I hate to admit it, but Robyn's not wrong. Her complete rampage is causing a lot to flee and any who stay to try and fight her are met with a beast of rage shooting a gun and swinging a shovel.

"CHROSS!!!"

The man in question looks terrified before quickly yelling out orders to the last of his thugs that have stayed.

"Hurry up and deal with them you idiots!" he yells out to the rest before two men rush to get him out of there through another tunnel. Doesn't matter. We gotta get the kids out of here. Speaking of, by now most of them are huddled together. I move up to take Loris' place in the front to speed up the process; taking out one after another.

We begin to start getting close to the children, but at the corner of my eye I spot someone hiding behind crates and watch as they throw what looks like a bomb towards us.

"You idiot what are you thinking!?" one of thugs yell at the person before running for cover and I yell out to Loris.

"Loris!"

"On it!" he yells before rushing up and deflecting it away with his shield, causing to go flying towards another pile of crates off to the side, and rushes to the kids to shield them, "Get behind me!"

The rest of us take cover and I think we're fine, until I see a little girl was hiding near the crates; staring at the bomb in shock.

"N-"

"ISHA!"

Y/n yells again, but this time in desperation. Before I know it, Y/n rushes over, picks the kid up and tries to run as far away as possible before the bomb sets off.

*BOOM*

The explosion was bigger than expected, probably something in those crates. Dust and smoke now cover the area as I hear rumbling and see some of the old supports of the mine now giving in under the tension.

"Shit! This place is about to collapse, we gotta go!" Sevika yells out and I hear kids crying while Loris tries to calm them. Sevika rushes to them and picks up two of them before looking towards the kids that are older than the rest, "If you can, pick up one of the younger ones and stay close to us. We're getting out of here!"

The older kids are in shock, but quickly listen to instructions and each picking up one of the younger children. Robyn, Cait, and I do the same. Carrying two each. Loris manages to carry three.

"Where's Y/n!?" Robyn asks looking around which makes me begin to panic.

"*cough* *cough* I'm *cough* here!" I hear and I am barely able to see Y/n holding the kid close to her; her gas mask placed on the girls face.

"Are you alr-" Cait goes to ask, but is interrupted by more rumbling.

"I'm fine! Let's go!" Y/n yells and we all quickly rush back to the tunnel we came from much faster since there is no resistance from any of the gang members.

We all quickly rush down the path we came in from. I can hear the mine beginning to collapse behind us as we run for lives, and I can feel the two kids I am carrying hold onto me tighter. Soon we see the end and we all simultaneously increase our pace at the sign of escape.

We all run out and far away from the tunnel before finally stopping after the tunnel collapses.

"That was a close one." Loris says as we all catch a breather and the young children cry from that near death experience. Robyn pulls out a flare and shoots it into the sky to signal for help and I turn to one of the older kids, who is still holding onto a child.

"Was this all of them?" I ask, afraid of the answer I will get, but luckily they nod their head which makes me let out a breath of relief.

"Y/n!" Robyn yells and I look to see Y/n kneeling on the ground and only being held up by that little girl, Isha, if I remember correctly. On her back I see blood stains and the impact of fragments from the bomb embedded through her jacket and an injured leg.

i'M fInE, jUsT a ScRaTcH.

I set down the kids I am holding before rushing to her, Cait does the same. We both take a look at her injuries and by the look Cait gives me we're both thinking the same thing.

"It's bad Vi. She needs help. Now."

3rd Person

"So you boys got an idea on what you're going to present for the Innovator's Competition?" Vander asks as the young adults sit together at the bar.

"I'm still trying to figure it out." Ekko says which make Benzo, sitting off to the side with Silco, laugh.

"Hah! Got that right. You should see him at his desk; looks like his head is gonna blow up." Benzo teases, making Ekko roll his eyes.

"Me and Mylo got an idea for mutated plants. Been working on it for awhile, but it's not working right yet." Claggor says sounding a little disappointed at the progress he and Mylo are making.

"What about you Powder? You jumping in the ring?" Vander asks the blue haired girl who has her mind elsewhere, causing Ekko to slightly nudge her.

"Huh, what?"

"Vander was asking if you're gonna participate in the Innovator's Competition." Ekko explains to her.

"Oh. Um. I don't know yet. Maybe." Powder answers before staring back down at the bar counter. Vander, Silco, and Ekko catching the strange behavior. The brothers give Ekko a look, and Ekko only gives a slight shrug.

"Well. I'm sure whatever you all come up with, will be great." Silco says with a slight raise of his glass to them.

As the conversation shifts, Ekko leans towards Powder.

"Hey, you alright?" he asks with concern in his voice. Powder gives a complicated expression before sighing.

"I don't know. I-I've just had something bugging my mind recently." she says which gets a sympathetic look from Ekko. Hinting that he has been having the same problem.

"Yeah..... this might sound weird, but, does it have to do with Y/n?" he asks, the name once again feeling too familiar even when saying it out loud. Powder gives a smirk and raises a brow at Ekko.

"Oh? You thinking of other girls?"

"No! No, that's not wha-"

"I'm just kidd'in. But yeah it is. How'd you know?" Powder asks, and Ekko breathes a sigh of relief that he didn't mess up.

"It's been the same for me. Hard to think sometimes, even when I'm working with the professor . It's been bothering me. They look familiar. Sound familiar. It-It's like-"

"You should know them? Like, really, know them?"

"Yes! It's been driving me crazy."

"Me too..... maybe we just gotta get our minds off of them? Do something fun? You free today?" Powder asks looking at Ekko with hope.

"Sure. Maybe a date will get our minds off of it." Ekko says as he pockets his notebook and offers a hand to Powder, making her smile.

Powder grabs his hand and sta-

*SLAM*

The whole bar turns to the entrance at the sudden loud noise. Standing at the entrance is a clearly out of breath Caitlyn and Vi, who is holding an unconscious Y/n on her back. Vi makes eye contact with Vander.

"Dad! She needs help!"

All of the close family's eyes gravitate to the unconscious girl on Vi's back. Powder and Ekko both immediately panicking internally at the sight of her. Not because they're scared of her, but for her.

"Bring her to the back! Gert handle the bar!" Vander instructs and both Vi and Caitlyn quickly rush to the backroom. Gert starts to clear out the bar as the close family all follow behind Vi, now being able to see the injuries on Y/n's back, causing Vander to quickly clear a large table, "Set her down here. Gently."

Claggor and Mylo both quickly help Vi unload Y/n from her back and set her down gently. Now all of her wounds clear to see for everyone in the room. Powder squeezes Ekko's hand as she scans over all the wounds and blood. That familiar voice once again going through their head; the same goes for the others in the room.

"Nothin' about that looks good" Benzo says as he looks a the girl in sympathy.

"What happened?" Silco asks as he get's closer to examine the wounds.

"Some guy threw a bomb. Loris hit it away, but it ended up landing near a little girl she knew. She rushed to pick her up and took most of the blow. It-It looked really bad and I didn't know any other doctor nearby to help her so I ran here," Vi explains while it being very clear that she is out of breath, "Can you help her?"

Silco looks at Y/n's unconscious face and that same feeling he has for the rest of the children raised in this bar rises. He doesn't ponder on it before nodding his head and looking to Powder.

"Powder, I need you to head over to my lab. You remember what I taught you about medicine?" he asks and gets a nod, "Then you already know what I will need. Go," He says and Powder nods again before giving one last long look at Y/n's form before rushing off, "Claggor and Mylo go see if you can find the professor around the area and send him here if you do," they nod before rushing off, "Ms. Kiramman go across the bridge and see if you can find Viktor and send him here as fast as possible," Cait quickly rushes off as well, "I'm going to need to cut her clothes off to get a better look at her injuries. Unless you think you can help with her wounds, step out of the room." he says as he pulls out a knife from his coat.

Both Vi and Benzo go to step out, Benzo doing his best to comfort her from her state of stress. Now leaving Vander, Ekko and Silco left.

"Alright. I don't know if I will be able to help, but we just need to make sure she's stable until more help arrives. Understood?" Silco asks both Vander and Ekko and get's nods from both.

"Will....Will she really be alright?" Ekko asks as he moves closer to get a better look at the injuries.

"The longer we talk the worse she gets." Silco says as he begins cutting Y/n's clothes.

"Right. She'll be fine." Ekko says before walking up to help Silco and Vander.

"She'll be fine."

Hope you enjoyed.

#arcane au #yandere arcane #yandere arcane x reader #yandere claggor #yandere ekko #yandere mylo #yandere powder #yandere silco #yandere vander #yandere vi

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laswells-ashtray · 5 months ago

Note

Okay, here me out on this. Gonna do this anonymously cause social anxiety is scary and I've never left an ask before, first time for everything I suppose. :')

I was randomly just watching the missions for MW3 cause I loved the concepts of some of them, just hated how most of it played out (Like how did Graves survive being blown up? Or how it felt like the story was rushed at points). Then I remembered the mission where Price got trapped in that silo thingy with the poisonous gas stuff that I cannot remember for the life of me what it is called (Think the mission was called Reactor,if you wanted to look it up if I don't explain it that well). Loved that mission cause to me it showed that Price wasn't this almighty powerful captain that doesn't get injured that badly compared to everyone else in 141.

Had a random thought of just the in-between part of when Price passed out to when he woke up on the helo. Was scrolling through the random posts and when I got to the one where Mac had met Price's team and stuff all I could think about was what if Gaz or Soap or anyone who's met Mac just tell Nik or Laswell to call for grandpa. I find it hilarious just the thought of Price's subordinates panicking over the fact that their captain, (and practically father figure sometimes due to how often he mother hens them), had inhaled poisonous gas then passed out and wanted help from someone who's known Price for years. Then cue Mac just showing up on base in Price's office or calling Price really late at night being like "You have 5 seconds to explain what happened and how in the world you got into that situation Mister. I do not care that you're a captain now I still hold seniority over you Price, I will pull that card you little shit." Cause despite the fact that Price was a pain in the ass when he was Mac's sergeant he still cares for the stubborn Brit's wellbeing.

Sorry if I started ranting, I love cod and finding the posts have made me do my happy stims. :) Especially reading the silly ones, always makes me feel better when having a bad day.

Made me get my glasses for this one, in a good way I'm just blind as shit. A little bit. Also never apologise for ranting, this is a safe place for ranting, rambling and threats of bodily harm but only if they're polite about it.

Firstly, I know exactly what mission you're talking about because I can't get past the second juggernaut and had to rage quit because I was giving myself a stress headache.

Secondly. I've missed writing more Mac if only because I have to write so English-ly for everyone else.

When the door opens, John doesn't look up. He assumes it's Nikolai coming to check on him, Ghost popping his head in to call him a twat again or one of the sergeants asking how he's doing. He doesn't expect to see the same, worn soles of some battered old boots that he's been trying to convince Mac to get rid of for over ten years park themselves on his desk.

Nor does he expect to see Mac watching him, arms crossed over his chest, and a look of blatant fury on his face that makes the hair on the back of John's neck stand up.

His chest is still tight and there's a familiar ache in his throat, he's too old to be getting fucking gassed anymore. Whatever cancer he'll be riddled with in ten years is not worth it.

"Well?"

He isn't stupid enough to answer that, leaning forward with his elbows on the desk. If Mac didn't look ready to deck him, he'd likely be lecturing John about "uncooked joints on the table".

"Jus no gonnae say a fucking hing tae me? Dae a luk like a store dug?"

He groans and ignores the rattling behind his ribs, running a hand over his face as he prays that maybe, just maybe Mac will go easy on him.

"What have you been told?"

He doesn't bother asking "and by who?" because he doesn't want to be annoyed at any of them, and it was likely Kate.

"Ye inhaled a fuck ton ae somehin ye shouldnae 've and a hud to hear about it fae someday else."

He nods, looking at the older man wearily. "That's about it, didn't think you'd need a play-by-play."

Mac lowers his feet off of the edge of the desk and drags his chair closer to the desk with a grating scraping noise that makes john wince.

"Right, lad. Genuine question, are ye a fuckin tit?"

It appears to be just that, a genuine question if the way Mac is arching a brow at him means anything. The Scot doesn't allow him the opportunity to answer before talking again.

"Ye must be, cuz we both ken launchin heed first intae somethin filt wae somehin that mangles ye is some biblical arsehole-ity, John."

John briefly considers slamming his head on the desk. It'd do no good to explain that it was for the mission, Mac would probably just skelp him over the back of the head for implying that wasn't something the retiree already knew.

"You did worse back in the day."

MacMillan only narrows his eyes at him, clenching his hands into fists on his lap.

"Dae ye take me as a gid fuckin example wae these things, son?"

John shakes his head, staring down at the desk in front of him.

"Swear tae fuck, ye pull a stupid stunt like that again and a'll huv yer fucking knees wae a crowbar. Christ, is yer self-preservation that far oot the fuckin windae?"

That has John looking back up at him through narrowed eyes, everyone kept jumping down his throat about it as if they wouldn't have all done the same for the sake of a mission. It was part of the job.

Mac slams his hand down on the edge of the desk, irritation washing over his face in waves.

"Dinnae fuckin luk at me like that, crabbit wee git. A get tae rip intae ye fir stupid shite like this or did ye forget that? The fuckin heart attacks ye put me through fir years and ye huvnae changed a bit? Ye canne be dain that tae every, ye might act like an ignorant arse but ye've got folk aroon here that actually don't like the thought ae attending yer fuckin funeral, ye daft cunt."

Maybe the older man can see the exhaustion that's settled in John's bones, wearing him away from the inside out. Or maybe this is just how MacMillan felt years ago, it might just be an inherited trait that presents itself alongside the captain title.

"Get tae bed, son. We're talkin aboot this the morra. And tea wae lemon fir yer throat, ye sound like ye've been gargling shrapnel."

#captain john price #john price #kate laswell #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #cod nikolai #nikprice #cod macmillan

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bridgetoesoteria · 7 months ago

Text

🌛Empowering Messages From Hecate🌜

(top to bottom)

I have been wanting to post a spirit guide messages reading for awhile, but this idea really clicked for me.

For those of you not familiar with the goddess Hecate, she is one of the bad ass goddesses. She has a really interesting story for anyone that is into greek mythology.

Pile 1

You have more options than you realize. You are more powerful that you allow yourself to be. Some of you may have a domineering figure in your life that you are trying to separate from. I think you will probably know who or what this is, because it is a chapter you know you need to close out. If you have been fighting some kind of uphill battle it is okay to walk away. There are good things waiting on the other side of this decision. Amazing things that you deserve. There's nothing wrong with being your own person. Sometimes you will have to go it alone.

Affirmation Card: Today I am resourceful; Today I will turn anything into an opportunity.

Pile 2

You should stand in your power fully. I'm not sure what that means but the vibe I am getting is that you have a lot of internal strength you can rely on. I think right now would be a good time to manifest some bigger things, because I keep hearing "ask and it is given". For some of you, this could be you milking a certain situation and getting what you can out of it. For example, your job didn't appreciate you much before, but now you have another offer from a different company. The ball is in your court now. If you wanted to stay at your current job, you could ask for anything you want and probably get most of it. So, I think this kind of energy is surrounding you at this time. This could honestly be your energy in general but you don't tap into it often enough. Start using your gifts and connections to benefit you!

Affirmation Card: Today I am adventurous; Today I will get out of my comfort zone and try something I've never tried before.

Pile 3

All piles kind of had a theme of "standing in your power", but I guess that makes sense given the topic. This pile seems to have more fear. Fear of letting go. Some of you want a divorce or to back out of a wedding? That is what the imagery looks like. For others of you it's like someone is coming back around, trying to make you second guess leaving them behind? You are being encouraged to remember who you are, and who you are becoming. Don't regress to past versions of yourself or let the pain of the past keep you chained up. If there is happiness and ease entering your life, embrace it. It doesn't mean something is wrong, it means things are going right! Finally, you don't owe anyone shit. You have new, amazing things to look forward to. You have every right to move on.

Affirmation Card: Today I am brave; Today I will step up to every challenge with courage. (Accidentally pulled two cards! I confused myself). Today I live in the present; Today I will start with a smile. I am in control of my attitude

I hope you enjoyed your reading! If you would like a personal reading, check the pinned post for info.

~ K

#tarotcommunity #tarot reading #tarot #intuitive readings #pick a card #pick a pile #pick a card reading #love reading #love tarot reading #divination #oracle cards #channeled message #hecate #spiritual growth #spiritual journey #spirituality #spiritual awakening #spiritualgrowth

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you-call-it-a-dude · 11 months ago

Text

Just Can't Hack It Pt.2

Pt.1

Request: so this is part two to a story. The original request was reader dealing with substance use. I had a few folks wanting another part and I was feeling inspired to add a second part so I did!

Pairings: Leighton Murray x female reader

Warnings: TW!!! I would say this one is more triggering than the first. Mentions of opioid use, accidental overdose, use of narcan/naloxone, difficult discussions around the topic of addiction, needles. This is a super heavy story. Read with caution, take a step back if it's not for you. I have many other stories you can check out if you want something more light hearted. Nobody dies, but it's a pretty realistic scenario about addiction/loving someone with addiction. Could be triggering in many ways, so please be aware.

Authors Note: here I go again adding more chapters to stories I've been saying imma leave as one shots lol. This story is super depressing, I'm so sorry. If you're into that tho, welcome lol. I apologize for my lack of posting. Ive had a lot of life changes happen recently and my mental health hasn't been the greatest (maybe writing this depressing ass chapter will help). I do want to clarify, I am not a drug user. Just a social worker that reads, does research lol. Thank you all for your patience, thank you so everyone that's read my other work while waiting for me to post again. I love you all. I love you for reading, for sharing opinions and engaging in discussions with me and I love you for existing. I hope you like this next chapter

**if you have any questions regarding Narcan/Naloxone, fentanyl test strips, or anything like that, feel free to reach out**

----

You woke up with a loud gasp, some random girl rubbing circles on your sternum. You rushed to sit forward, accidentally shoving her back.

The air was flowing back into your lungs and you felt like you couldn't get it in there quick enough. Your teeth were chattering and you were in that same fucking basement DJ died in.

You grab her wrist with shaky hands and she talked to you calmly, asking you if you were okay and all you could do was shake your head no. Your chest was heaving and it felt like you were inhaling razor blades or something.

What the fuck?

"Sit up slow." She tells you, helping you sit up and you notice her hands are also shaking. "You should probably go to the emergency room." She tells you and you're confused because you don't know why.

"Did something happen?" You ask, your throat dry. You cough to clear it and when you reach forward to grab a cup of whatever off the table, you see an oddly shaped object discarded on the table. You pick it up, your hands still shaking and you run your thumb over the pink 'Narcan' written on the label "Fuck." You whisper to yourself. "Fuck, did...?" You turn your attention to her and she kind of just shrugs.

"I'm not sure honestly. Maybe? But I didn't think it could hurt. You didn't look great, like at all."

You continue to stare down at the small nasal spray, your hands still shaking like never before. You blinked hard a few times, trying to wrap your head around everything.

"I'm so sorry." You apologized to this stranger for most likely traumatizing the fuck out of her.

"Do you have someone to call? You probably need to go to the emergency room." She ignored your apology and something about that made you feel like shit.

"Emergency room? What? That stuff worked. I'm fine." You say, tossing the bottle back onto the table.

"Yeah, but it wears off in like thirty minutes, more or less." She points out.

"Wears off?!" You ask in shock and she nods at you, looking at you like you were stupid.

"And I'm not using my other one on you so I suggest you go." She said with a slight attitude, no longer giving off that friendly vibe she had before. "And maybe get your own for next time, yeah?"

"Fine, Jesus." You say, no longer feeling as indebted to her the more bitchy she got toward you.

You take a few moments to gather yourself, still feeling not the greatest. The girl next to you that potentially saved your life was now injecting something between her toes and if that wasn't enough motivation to get the fuck up and go, you don't know what is.

You grab your things and thank her again. Unsurprisingly, she doesn't say anything back.

Your legs feel weak and shaky. Getting up the stairs and out of the house took way more effort than it should've. You hated this fucking place and you felt disgusting for even coming back.

Your intention was to take an Uber to the emergency room on campus, but when you checked your bank account you were almost certain a ride request wouldn't even go through.

You physically just felt too weak to stand so you sat on the curb, knowing you were going to have to call Leighton and just fucking hated yourself for it.

You pulled out the pills you had taken from your pocket and investigated them. You got them from Liza instead of your normal dealer. She told you they would be exactly the same pills you were used to buying from Angel, just less expensive. Your lack of funds sold you on them immediately. Except now that you actually took the time to study them, you realize they looked nothing like the other ones.

You had no idea what you took.

What you do know is you took two of them at once. It was less than what you normally would've taken. You can't even remember why you decided to only take two instead of your usual four, but clearly sober you was looking out.

Well...semi-sober you.

You called Leighton and it took three tries for her to answer. She was mad at you again because you bailed on her the other night on dinner plans that you made.

"Hello?" She finally answered. You could hear laughter in the background so you knew she was out with friends or out doing something and it made you feel even worse to ask her for help.

"Hi, Leight." You say softly, pushing your fingertips into your eyes trying to build up the courage to ask her. "Can you help me, please?"

"Help you?" She sounds concerned and you hear a door close behind her, all of the noise fading away. "What's going on?"

"I need-I need, fuck!" You try, the words feeling almost impossible to get out. "I need to go to the emergency room, I think." You finally get out, blinking hard to keep your brain working.

"Emergency room? What's going on? Where are you?"

"Please, Leighton. I'm at the blue house on the edge of campus. You know the one." You rub your palm against your forehead. "Can you please just come get me."

"Yeah. I know the one." Of course she did. Everyone knows the blue fucking house. It's literally nicknamed the druggie house on campus. There's only one reason people went there. Her voice sounded monotone and she was definitely connecting some dots. "I'm coming, I'm not far away." She hangs up on you before you can even tell her goodbye and you just feel her disappointment radiating through the phone.

It was less than ten minutes when you saw a familiar car pull up.

Leighton stepped out of the passenger side and as soon as the door closed, the window was rolling down to reveal Whitney in the drivers seat.

"Are you kidding me, Leighton." You complained as she rushed over to help you.

"Shut up." Whitney said from the driver's side, rolling her eyes at you.

"Fuck you!" You spat at her, letting Leighton help pull you to your feet.

"No, fuck you! What the hell is wrong with you?" You stayed silent because you didn't have an answer to her question. "That's what I fucking thought. Now get in the car."

Leighton sat in the back with you, letting you lay your head on her lap. She hasn't said a single word to you since she picked you up and you don't know if it was the drugs or the anxiety caused by her silence that was making your heart race the way it was.

Your body was sore and your head ached. You turned so you could bury your face in her sweater, inhaling the smell of her. She massaged your scalp, pulling you closer to her body.

Whitney dropped you both off at the front door and said to call her when you needed to be picked up. She sounded a lot nicer now, but she was also talking to Leighton.

You weren't feeling great at all and you definitely had the fear that whatever dosage that girl gave you was wearing off and you were going to die in the waiting room of this fucking hospital.

Leighton helped bring you to the front desk. You declined her offer of a wheelchair because something about that just felt degrading. Having to have her push you because of something you did to yourself?

Falling to the ground and crawling would be less embarrassing.

The woman at the desk greeted you and asked what was going on and you hesitated. Because even though Leighton probably figured shit out by now, you never said it out loud.

Saying it out loud would finally be admitting that you had a problem, which is why you've avoided it for so long.

"I-um-I-" both Leighton and the lady at the desk with the patience of a saint watch you fiddle nervously with the pen attached to a chain. "I am not feeling too great. I was given narcan maybe thirty minutes ago." You were blinking rapidly trying to get through your sentence, the fluorescent lighting and the pounding headache was making your brain short circuit.

The lady at the desk sat up quickly, asking you for your ID and insurance card, asking someone behind her to call for a nurse. You pulled your wallet from your pocket and Leighton had to help you pull the cards out because your hands were shaking and you just couldn't do it.

A male nurse appeared out of nowhere with a rolling blood pressure cuff and asked you to follow him to the triage area.

"What about my stuff?" You ask, letting this man escort you to a little area.

"I've got it, baby." Leighton said calmly, a few steps behind you, shoving your ID back into your wallet that she was still holding.

You sat down in a chair with your feet planted firmly on the floor like instructed and you felt like this firm wooden chair was consuming you.

He slipped the blood pressure cuff on your arm, the stethoscope planted firmly in the center of your arm. His eyes never left you while he asked you some questions.

"Do you know how many doses of the narcan you received?"

"Just one." You say and he nods.

"What did you take?" He asks, making eye contact with you and waiting for your response.

You swallowed and looked up at Leighton, who was waiting at you expectantly to answer.

"I don't know. It wasn't from my usual person. My friend that got it for me said it would be the same and it wasn't. I took less than what I normally would." You admit and it sounds embarrassing to even say something like that. You just hope he doesn't ask you-

"How much do you normally take? How much did you take of these?"

"Um, four to five 10mg Percocet. I only took two of these."

"Okay." He nods and the machine starts to beep. He removes the cuff from your arm and motions to someone behind you. "We are going to take you back now, okay? Your blood pressure is too low." He said while he and Leighton help you stand up and you were mortified to find them leading you to a wheelchair.

"Yeah, okay." You nod and when you sit you look back between Leighton and the nurse with a panicked expression. "Can she come back with me?"

"Of course." He takes hold of the wheelchair and takes you to a double door, pressing the button and leading you and Leighton through a maze of curtained rooms before bringing you to an open bed.

As soon as your butt hit that bed, two nurses were rushing in one was hooking you up to different machines and pulling down your shirt to stick electrodes on your chest to monitor your heart.

Before you could even process anything, your bed was being lowered and you were laying flat on your back and the second nurse was giving you a second dose of narcan up your nostrils while the first nurse finally explained to you and Leighton what the fuck was going on.

She said that narcan is usually done in two or more doses and that it often wears off before the effects of the pills do. That because you only received one dose, you were already showing the signs of the first dose wearing off and going into another potential overdose.

You didn't even have time to panic or freak out. They had the narcan up your nose and had you sitting back up like it never even happened. Leighton nodding with wide eyes from the chair next to you and trying to absorb what the nurse was saying.

You gripped the bridge of your nose and squinted your eyes while the nurse finished speaking, already starting to feel better.

"We are going to keep you here for a couple of hours just for monitoring." She rolls a little tray over to your bed that has a needle, test tubes, and a tourniquet. All the makings for getting your blood drawn. "We are required to do a toxicology screening on you, especially since you do not know what you took." She slips on a new pair of gloves. "These results will not be shared with the university." She reassured when she saw your face drop. "Arm out."

She cleaned your arm with an alcohol pad and tied the elastic tourniquet around your arm, pressing on your veins to find a vein. She inserts the needle in your arm and you watch the multiple vials fill up. She removes the tourniquet, has you hold a cotton ball where the needle went in and slaps a bandaid over it. She cleans up the area and says she'll be back shortly and walks out without saying another word.

Leighton had been silent the entire time. She was holding your things and sitting on the chair next to your bed watching the monitor with all off your vitals. Her eyes looked glassed over and you didn't know what to say or how to even begin to say it.

"Thanks for coming with me." You say pitifully and her eyes dart from the monitor to look over at you.

"I feel so stupid." She says, shaking her head. "Everything is like, making sense now, you know? The missed dates, the weird behavior, the angry outbursts." She nods her head, almost like she was agreeing with her own thoughts.

"I'm so sorry."

"And then you take shit that you don't even know what it is and- and you fucking overdose? What if you fucking died, Y/N?" She sounds so angry, but you can see she's on the verge of tears. You reach for her, touching her arm and she yanks herself away from you. "Don't fucking touch me."

"Then fucking go if you don't want to stay." You say, staring up at the ceiling, blinking back tears.

"Stop."

"I should've just let myself die on the curb of that stupid fucking house." You slammed your head against the pillow, the machines beeping like crazy for a brief moment.

"Can you just shut the fuck up with that self deprecating shit?" She spits, crossing her arms and legs.

She's very closed off and distant now. It almost felt like you could feel her distancing herself from you in real time. There's an awkward silence between the two of you and you reach for her.

"Leighton..."

"Mmmh mmmh." She shakes her head no, keeping her attention focused on her phone

"Baby." You try again and when her fingers pause over the phone screen you know you're getting somewhere. "Please, baby."

She rolls her eyes and sighs, giving you her attention.

"What."

"I'm really sorry." You say sincerely, playing with the edge of the flimsy hospital blanket.

"For...?" There was no hint of emotion to her voice. But in scenarios like this, Leighton was always good at shutting down and putting her walls up.

"For how I've been treating you. For a lot of things."

"If that's all you're going to say, that's a really shitty fucking apology."

"No! Of course that's not all. I-fuck. Okay. Just give me a second to collect my thoughts."

"Well, maybe if you weren't high on god knows what you'd be able to give me a less pathetic apology."

Maybe it was your high wearing off, maybe it was just the drugs in general, but man for the briefest moment you wanted to cuss her out.

You clench your jaw and exhale through your nose in an attempt to remain calm.

"If you let me fucking finish talking maybe you'll be more than the pathetic apology." You say through gritted teeth and she just raises her eyebrows at you expectantly. "I fucked up, okay? I know that. I didn't mean for it to get this bad." You admit and she tilts her head, her gaze visibly softening.

"What do you mean?" She scoots the hospital chair closer to your bed.

"I got the meds originally when I messed up my knee. It freaked me out about if I would get to play again or not. When I got back into it, it was great, but I fucking sucked and there was this insane amount of pressure to be as good as I was before my injury. There still is that pressure. My knee just felt tight all the time. Like it was about to snap at any moment. I did the physical therapy, the ice baths, I did everything. Well, everything but admit that maybe it's just straight up fucked." You look down and begin to pick at on your fingertips. Leighton reaches forward to stop you and instead you press your thumb against one of her manicured nails, enjoying the feeling of the pinpricking pressure against your fingertip.

"Keep going, baby." She encourages softly and you could feel yourself relax.

"I refilled my final prescription for my meds right before I started playing again. I would ration the bottle and take them after games and stuff. Then I took them during a game and realized I could play pretty damn good and my leg felt fantastic. Well, until afterwards when it felt worse than ever. Turns out if you take meds to prevent pain, it's really difficult to gauge when you're pushing yourself too far. So I would take some meds before the game, during the game, then again after the games..." Leighton opens her mouth to speak, but you continue with your thought. "...And then one or two more before bed."

"Jesus Christ, Y/N." She says, sounding both shocked and horrified. "I don't even...how long-how many? I don't know! I'm trying not to ask my question without sounding like a dick." She admits and looks to you for some guidance.

You don't know her exact question, but you can guess where she was going with it.

"It was supposed to be refill that lasted three months and finished it in like a month. Maybe a month in a half if I want to be generous. They were a low-ish doses, so I would take more."

"How many were you supposed to take a day? How many did you take?" She asked her questions in a quick succession.

"I was supposed to take one, max two, a day." She nodded and raised her eyebrows expectantly. "I was taking like four to six."

"I-what?! You know what," she takes a deep breath to calm herself down. "Let me approach this in a non-judgmental way. I just, I really want to know what happened to escalate the situation and bring us where we are now." She squeezes your hand reassuringly.

"So my prescription runs out and I find a connect when I go to one of the parties at the blue house. I got pills from him for a while, but you would not believe how expensive opioids are." You tried to joke, only when you looked up to see Leighton was not laughing, not even cracking a smile, you quickly cleared your throat and got serious. "After DJ died in the house, I starting using more and it was just getting more expe-"

"Wait what? The guy that overdosed in the house, you were his friend?"

"I, well, yes. But I was also...there. I called the ambulance when I found him." You could feel everything else coming out like word vomit. "I introduced him to Liza, who introduced him to drugs." You clenched your jaw, trying to swallow down the breakdown you've been keeping at bay for over a month now. "I killed him, Leighton. It's my fault he's dead." You look up at her tearfully and when Leighton frowns and calls you 'baby', you fucking lose it.

She stands up and pulls your face from your hands. The machines attached to you are beeping rapidly for who knows what fucking reason and it was pissing you off.

"Get these off of me." You say mid sob, attempting to pull the electrodes of your chest, yanking at the wires and your shirt blindly. "Get these fucking off!"

Leighton was fighting your arms at this point, doing her best to keep your arms still. Your brain could comprehend that you were smacking her unintentionally, hitting her arms, her hands, and her chest. You felt like your body was stuck between fight and flight right now. You felt out of control in every aspect, mentally and physically. You wanted to stop, you wanted to calm down, you just literally could not.

Within seconds two nurses came in and Leighton held your arms until one of the nurses took her place. Her absence felt more upsetting and agitating, so you attempted to reach for her. Your throat felt raw from crying and now you were screaming for Leighton, begging her to help you.

You gripped a nurses arm tightly, your face smushed against her scrubs while you watched Leighton's horrified expression as the two nurses turned you on your side. One of them pulled your pants down on one side and inject a tranquilizer into your ass cheek.

You gasped and squeezed the nurses arm, mortified about what happened and that it happened in front of Leighton. You were also both shocked and impressed at how quickly your heart rate was going down.

You also felt absolutely terrible for the tears and snot you were getting on this poor nurse's scrubs. Going back and forth between pitifully apologizing to her and to Leighton while the meds kicked in.

You could feel your arms getting heavy and the nurses began to lay you on your back again. The one you were gripping for dear life was covering you with a blanket and you can over hear the one that injected your ass trying to talk Leighton through what she just witnessed.

Something about it being normal behavior when coming off a lot of drugs so suddenly. You don't fucking know.

What you do know is Leighton looked pale and traumatized and that it was absolutely your fucking fault.

You reached for her. Desperately trying to tell her that you loved her. That you're in love with her and that you were so fucking sorry.

She looked at you confused, holding your hand and telling you she couldn't understand what you were saying. You could feel yourself getting riled up mentally, but your body felt stuck. Like gum to the bottom of a fucking shoe you were stuck and locked into this bed.

The nurses left and she pulled her chair close to your bed again, her hand never letting go of yours while she did. She sat in front of you, calling you baby, pushing hair from your face, and telling you that it was okay and to just close your eyes for a little bit.

You moaned and whined, tears sliding down your cheeks. They matched the ones streaming down Leighton's and you wanted you kiss them away. Instead she wiped your tears and begged you not to cry, her lips pressed against the side of your head.

You closed your eyes, Leighton's lips against your temple while she whispered calming things in your ear.

---

You woke up confused. You had a hospital gown on over your shirt and pants, and you were also pretty sure you were in a different room.

"Water?" You croak, your mouth dryer than nothing you have ever experienced before.

"Here." Came a voice next to you that was most definitely not Leighton.

You turn your head to the side to see Whitney holding a styrofoam cup with a straw and you push yourself to sit up straight, blinking and wiping away the dried up tears and sleep gunk from your eyes.

You hesitate at first, but you take the cup from her. You drink the cool ice water down like your life depended on it.

"Thank you." You tell her when you finished drinking, breathing heavily like a toddler after they downed some juice. You look around the room for any signs of Leighton, finding none. You try not to panic, but the machine measuring your hate rate gives you away.

"She'll be back. I sent her home a bit ago to change into different clothes and get something to eat." Whitney informs you, setting the water on the little table. She stands up and goes to the sink, wetting a small stack of those thin paper towels with warm water and wiping your face and mouth. You could feel your dried spit and snot come off with ease. You closed your eyes while she wiped your face, too tired to feel embarrassed. "Better?" She asks you, patting your face with a dry paper towel when she was done.

You nod your head yes, settling further into the bed.

"How long was I out?" You stare at the analog clock on the wall, but it doesn't help much since you didn't even know the time you came in or were knocked out at.

"Maybe seven hours? It's been a while. They said it could range from like six to twelve hours." You nod, staring at your covered feet. You can feel yourself checking out mentally, but Whitney talking again brings you back to earth. "Leighton filled me in, I hope that's okay."

"Mhmm, yeah." You shrugged and nodded, trying to hide your shame over the fact that another person knows this about you now.

"Why didn't you say anything to anyone?" She was soft with her approach, but there was a thin layer of assertiveness underneath.

"Well, Whitney, the thing about having a drug problem is you don't really fucking realize you have a drug problem until you end up in a hospital and get a needle shoved into your ass cheek. Or, maybe it's when a girl that injects meth between her toes gets pissy for using her Narcan on you. Gee, I just can't decide." You say sarcastically and Whitney's face hardens slightly.

"Okay, I get it." She says defensively, sitting back in the chair to lean away from you. You sigh and attempt to run a hand through your hair, but it's all matted and sweaty.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." You say quietly. "I thought I had a handle on it, okay? I didn't think it was a problem." You admit, nodding your head as you thought to yourself. "Clearly." You vaguely gesture to yourself laid up in a hospital bed and Whitney nods.

"Everything is starting to make sense though. Your behaviors, your angry outbursts, the way you treated Leighton."

You wince at that last one. You treated her horribly the last like eight months and you knew that.

It was such a weird feeling. To love someone so deeply and be unable to stop yourself from absolutely wrecking them and treating them like shit.

"Yeah, I've been told already things are adding up. Glad I could provide some clarity." You give her a tight lipped smile and a weak thumbs up.

"You're awake!"

You look up to see Leighton coming into the room, a little visitor badge pinned to her hoodie. You nod, looking up at her with a smile. Your eyes start to water, something about seeing her just hitting you with the overwhelming urge to cry because you were so fucking happy she came back.

You open your arms for her and she sets her purse down to rush to your side and give you a hug. You wrap your arms around her and hold her tightly, pressing your lips wherever you could.

A knock at the door caused her to pull away. She took the extra seat on the other side of your bed as the doctor came in and greeted you, washing his hands.

He did an overall exam on you. Checked your mouth, your eyes, listening to your heart and lungs. He pulled his stool up to your bed and rested a folder of paperwork by your feet.

"So, we got your blood results back. It's routine to drug test in these situations. The school will not be informed of the results." He reassured you like the nurse did previously. "Now," he opens the packet of papers to a specific page where numbers are highlighted. "You have a decent amount in your system. I'm sure that's something you're aware of." You nod and he continues. "We do not think you overdosed on the pills themselves. Not to say that means you should go out and keep slamming them back."

The three of you made a face at him, unsure if his comment was meant to lighten the mood or if he was just a dick.

"So what's the problem then?" Whitney speaks up and he clears his throat.

"Well, you have a dangerous amount of fentanyl in your system. Whatever you took was most likely laced. Had you taken the four pills you said you normally took, you would probably be dead. Here are some packets about fentanyl as well as some inpatient and outpatient treatments for opioid addiction, and some information about methadone." He sets about five pamphlets in the open space between your legs and stands up, pushing his chair back in. "The nurse is going to come in with your discharge paperwork. Schedule an appointment with your PCP. Have a good day ladies." He sanitizes his hands and leaves the room, leaving the three of you looking confused and dumbfounded.

"That was it?" Leighton asks after he leaves, clearly frustrated. She reaches forward and grabs the pamphlets off your legs and thumbs through them furiously. "You almost fucking die apparently and that's it? You go the fuck home? What the fuck."

"Leighton, please stop." You say calmly, but she was pacing the room now while she read.

"This methadone seems good. I can call my dad and get you into a good rehab. Inpatient or out." She says while reading through the pamphlets and you start feeling overwhelmed.

Of course you wanted to be better and to stop taking the pills.

But the thought of actually doing it scared the shit out of you.

"Can I please just go home first and figure this out later?" You ask, scratching your eyebrow.

"Yes," Whitney says and looks up and Leighton sternly. "Yes, you can." She says, answering for Leighton.

"I have one request." Leighton says, shoving the pamphlets into her purse before sitting at the edge of your bed. "Please stay with us for a bit. A few days, a week. However long. Just please do it, okay?"

You nodded your head. You knew you scared her, no, fucking traumatized her. She was looking at you right now like she wanted to cry. Like if you told her no she would probably burst into tears.

You couldn't tell her no. You couldn't do this to her again. You definitely couldn't do anything to risk losing her.

"Yes, I'll stay with you. Can I stop at my room at get some clothes?"

"Absolutely. Can I go in with you when you do?"

You hesitated. You thought about the state of your side of the room. You definitely weren't as clean as you used to be. You most definitely had been slacking on doing your laundry and the thought of her going in there and seeing your gross, crusty underwear made you want to flip.

You still agreed though and she kissed your cheek. She went to kiss your lips and you turned your head.

"My mouth feels disgusting. More kissing later?"

"Deal." She nods, sneaking a quick peck onto your lips anyway.

There was a knock on the door and a nurse stepped in holding some paperwork.

"Alrighty, Y/N. Let's get you outta here, hun."

---

You rushed into your dorm, quickly picking up dirty clothes from the floor and tossing them in your hamper, picking up trash and shoving it aside.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." You apologize profusely for the state of your room.

"No, don't. It's okay." Leighton says, taking in the space.

She hadn't been allowed into your room for a while. Usually when she would come over it would be spotless and smell like air fresher. It was a complete 180 from what she was used to.

You could almost see her absorbing in the gravity of your addiction. As if almost OD'ing on laced pills, blowing off her dates, and having frequent mood swings weren't enough. She was getting a first hand view of how little you had been taking care of yourself because of it.

Something about that felt more shameful than anything. You felt vulnerable and exposed. You had been caught putting on a show and now all the curtains were being pulled back to expose the complex layers of your addiction. Exposing problems that you didn't even realize were becoming problems until someone you love is watching you scramble to clean it up.

"I just need to get some clean clothes." You say, opening your drawers and finding them to be pretty bare. "Fuck." You whisper to yourself.

"Why don't you bring some dirty clothes with you and we can do laundry at my dorm. Okay, baby?"

"Um, y-yeah." You blink hard, slamming your drawer shut. You open another and are thankful to find a handful of clean underwear. You pull them out and shove them into the bag Leighton had set on your bed. "Can you get me some shirts from my closet? I'll gather my dirty clothes."

"Of course." She turns around to look through your closet.

You grabbed a garbage bag and began picking clothes off the floor, plucking clothes from your hamper and other various surfaces around the room, shoving them into the trash bag. When a bunch of change falls out of one of your pockets you sigh, going back into the bag and digging through the pockets of any pants and shorts you shoved in there to make sure those were empty before you continued.

You picked up a pair of sweatpants, digging your hand into the pocket and freezing when you felt something sharp-ish poke your fingertips.

It was almost like you could hear angels singing when you pull the item from your pocket. A small baggie with three little blue pills in it. Three pills that you most definitely recognized and knew they would be safe. You traced your thumb over them, licking your lips.

"Do you want this sweater, babe?" Leighton asks from the closet behind you and you briefly turn around to face her.

"Yes, that's perfect, baby." You tell her. You weren't even looking at the sweater.

You had look at her face. Feeling guilty about everything that went down. Feeling guilty about all the time and energy she was probably going to put in to taking care of you.

You knew the best thing to do right now would be to hand the pills over. It would be the responsible thing.

You wanted to be responsible.

You grip the small baggie in your hand tightly and scratch under your nose with the back of your hand, thinking of the way you were going to hand the baggie over.

You open your palm again to stare at the pills, your hand shaking. You look around the room one more time, turning to smile at Leighton while she had a few shirts and sweaters draped over her arm for you.

You wanted to be responsible, just maybe not today.

You clear your throat, shoving the pills into the deepest corner of your front pocket.

#leighton murray x reader #leighton murray x you #my fic

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