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#i think i've been doing this for. 2 hours. why.
ohsohoney · 2 days
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When it comes to love you're just as blinded.
Part Ten
Eminem x Musician
Summary: It starts with a drunk embarrassing video, it spirals into something a whole lot more.
Note: Later than usual, sorry! But I've been busy with a whole load of shit ngl, it's just been stress:) Let me know if anyone else wants to be added to the taglist though, I realise my updating is a bit sporadic? Maybe? Just a little? Lmao, anyway here's 10, hope you enjoy!
| Set in 2014, just after the release of LP 2
taglist: @thelastemzy
Masterlist
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Jacket potatoes were a fucking delicacy.
Any Brit back home would tell you that. You could top ‘em with all sorts; Chilli, Tuna, Cheese, Chicken, Stuffing, Coleslaw, Bacon, Gravy, Bolognese— some people even liked them plain. But my favourite, as well as the only real and true way to serve a jacket potato, was with an ungodly amount of butter and baked beans.
Being in the States, it was a rather hard dish to come by. But, seeing as Marshall always appeared to go above and beyond, beans (No, none of that shoddy American shit) could be found in the little basket he’d gone and gifted me the day before. A little wicker bowl full of goodies to soothe that little ache of homesickness. 
I smacked the can down onto the countertop and levelled Rosie with a long stare.
“You’re serious?” She asked me around a wary glance, extending her arm out cautiously to get a better look at the bright blue tin as though she thought the contents might just reach out to try and grab her back.
“Deadly.” I remarked, attempting to keep my smile hidden when I met her question with a raised brow, “You’ll love it.”
Rosie didn’t look too convinced about that fact and yet, she rolled up her sleeves and took a seat at the counter to watch me work, helping out with the few things that she could. 
She had waltzed in through the front door a while earlier, just a second after I’d made it up the stairs, and the grin she’d worn when she had spotted me had had my heart warming and the pair of us wandering into the kitchen, arm in arm and already talking at a mile an hour. 
I was sauteing some mushrooms in a pan after having peeled and diced them up, whilst she kept a keen eye on the warming potatoes. “So Dad’s finally found some inspiration then?” Rosie asked me after a while, peering into the oven.
I smiled when I peered over at her, seeing how the orange glow of it washed over the side of her face to softly illuminate her features. “Seems so, we got a lot done but he was on a roll by the end of it.” I told her in reply, shaking the pan again and blinking at the sizzle that sparked up, “What do you mean anyway? Finally.” I dragged out that last word in a small singsong which made her chuckle as she stood to her full height once more and turned.
“He’s been trying to write for a couple weeks now, I think. Or months.” She shrugged, stepping back to watch the mushrooms fry with a slight wrinkle of her nose, “Not sure, but he keeps complaining about it whenever he’s on the phone.”
With a small hum, my eyes flickered back over to her, then to the pan again, “He didn’t mention it.”
Rosie blew out a faint chuckle and leant back against the counter, knuckles wrapping around its edge, “Why would he? He hates jinxing himself.”
It was cute that she noticed things like that about him, something I’d begun to note in the short time I’d been staying with the two, but I didn’t know... A large part of me wished that Marshall would have said something about it before, or at least alluded to it. It made me feel a bit bad for bowing out so early now. 
Still, my mind was quickly recaptured by the task at hand and then the story that Z deemed to tell me about, apparently a teacher thought that one of her friends was a shoo in for these auditions that they had coming up soon. The familiarity of the scene made me think back to Lottie, to everything that was happening back home, and I wished, silently and not for the first time, that it could be possible for a person to exist in two places at once. 
The spuds took their time baking but soon enough they were ready and piping hot, fluffy on the inside and with a crisp exterior. Rosie gathered up the butter and cheese at my signal, face lighting up at the prospect of being able to drown her own in the latter, whilst I pinched the tops of the spuds with a clean tea towel and plated them up, spattering them with a small amount of herbs.
I was going to keep Marshall’s wrapped up in tinfoil, if only to save it from going all horrible before he had the chance to try such a delicacy, but thankfully he’d worked his way back up the stairs just in time. I wondered how he’d managed it.
“Hey, you’ve got table duty.” Rosie exclaimed as soon as she saw him bustling over the threshold, handing the cutlery she was already holding to him without a second thought, which caused Em to blink down at his hands whilst he struggled not to drop the sudden weight he'd just been shafted with.
“‘Scuse me?” Marshall prompted, brow furrowed as his gaze wandered about the rest of the kitchen. I wondered what he thought of the bubbling pot of red sauce sitting on the hob, as well as the absurd amount of butter both Rosie and I had already lumped onto our steaming plates.
“You can set the table, Dad.” Z explained as she jumped back to help me with the mushrooms, her voice edging the line of a whining lilt, “We cooked! So it’s only fair.”
Marshall stared at her for a second longer before he ultimately snorted, “Right.” He murmured, recapturing his hold on the silver he held and eyes finding mine, before he spun round on his heel and left the room once again with a small smirk. When he returned, his plate was almost ready and just about to be loaded up with– “The hell’s that?”
I withheld my snarky reply in favour of smirking when Rosie answered for me, her eyes widening in the face of her father’s obvious leery expression. “Beans, Dad. El told me it’s one of her favourite meals, she wanted to share it with us.”
It wasn’t hard to hear the undertone there, the kind that told him to keep quiet on how he felt about the bubbling bowl I was currently holding because Z obviously didn’t want me feeling disheartened in any way. It was adorable, as was the stern face she’d paired with it, the same face that her dad found hard to waver against. His shoulders slumped ever so.
“Right.” He repeated for the second time tonight, dragging the first syllable out a tad, “Looks good?” He tried. 
I had to laugh then, “That a question or statement, Mathers?”
His eyes flickered over to meet mine, but I motioned for Rosie to get a start on heaping the cheese we’d grated onto her plate, the girl’s responding grin was giant. 
“I–” Em appeared stumped for a split second before he eventually just pressed his lips together and decided to jump in on helping us. Although he did complain when he spotted the frying pan sat off to the side, “Mushrooms too?” But with Rosie’s short warning of Dad, Marshall only appeared to raise his hands in mock surrender and then moved over to grab the plates so that he could carry them off into the next room.
I shared a conspiratorial smile with the younger girl before we followed after him, the three of us settling into the same seats as we had occupied the day before. Marshall still looked wary, even with his beans being hidden beneath a thick layer of cheese that I figured he had reasoned to himself would mask whatever taste was under it, but Z, to my utter surprise, looked ready to dig in.
“Changed your tune there, lovely.” I mentioned with a sly smirk, my gaze lingering on her long enough to catch the sheepish reaction she bore before she just shrugged and dipped her head around a grin, fork already in hand.
“Smells good.” Was the excuse she used and so I softened my face into a smile too.
“Well you helped so of course it does,” I quipped easily, picking up my fork as well before nudging Em’s forearm, “Come on, you big baby. Just try it. If you hate it, I’ll order you whatever you want. On me.”
That had him rolling his eyes, but he picked up his knife and fork with a determined expression.
I bit back a round of chuckles I could feel bubbling in my throat and used my chin to getsure for the pair of them to get stuck in. Rosie was quick to tear into hers and I was silently thankful for the way the potato easily broke apart under her knife, its texture fluffy and golden.
“Oh wow, this is so good.” She blew out the second that she could, already moving onto her next bite whilst Marshall was still working his way up to trying his own. “When you first showed me those beans? I was so sure I was gonna puke.”
I snorted quietly at that image, perfectly content with the plate of home I’d gone and conjured up for us, whilst Em’s face wrinkled. “Well if you had hated it, you’d have only had your Dad to blame, he’s the one who bought them.”
“I jus’ looked up British shit, they were top five on every list.” Marshall defended before he finally took a bite, slow in the way he raised his fork to his mouth, his eyebrows raising a little as he let the taste settle in, “Shit.”
My eyes narrowed a tad around the smile that I was chewing on to keep hidden but I watched him cut further into the potato, beans and melted cheese puddling around the sides. “That a good shit or bad shit?”
“Three dollars.” Z acknowledged, voice muffled by the food she still had in her mouth.
I laughed at that and shook my head in fond amusement before I turned to Em for an answer. He took another bite, a big one, something I took to be a good sign, and just nodded. My brow quirked in hope. “So good?”
He hummed, one shoulder shrugging, “Ain’t gone die if I finish it.”
Snorting, I could only shake my head at him, hiding my smile behind my fist. “Idiot. You like it.”
Marshall rolled his eyes, though the gesture was obviously fond as he raised his fork to point at me, “Just grateful you didn’t burn down my damn house.”
Rosie’s giggles filled the room and with them we all settled in to enjoy. Marshall asked after his daughter’s day and the girl was all too happy to ramble and rant to him, face lighting up at the prospect of it. She mentioned her English lesson, the book they had started on and how her teacher had explained this one paragraph to her class, then she went into detail about the play that was set to happen just before the Christmas break. I chimed in here and there, putting in my two cents where it was worth, but in truth, I was perfectly content to simply listen and watch on. 
The clean up that followed was mainly made up of me and Z messing around and singing to the music Em had stuck on, never the type to linger in silence. The pair of us did manage to rope the man into joining us once he had loaded up the dishwasher though, something he thoroughly complained about but followed through on all the same. He was just a sucker for his kid's smile, I reckoned, went above and beyond for the girl and it was all too easy to see.
It was a lot later that we all fell into a comfortable silence around the tele, Rosie sat crossed legged on the sofa with her homework whilst I offered help whenever asked. Marshall had joined the two of us a little later, after his phone had rang and he’d stepped out to take the call, he’d padded into the room with only the explanation of ‘Royce’ before he’d fallen into the seat beside me. I’d hummed but was too distracted by Rosie’s newest question to prod him further on it.
By the time she had finished up, handwriting practically perfect, her books had fallen into a heap on the coffee table and she’d slowly but surely scootched her way further up the sofa. I kept my eyes on the tele when I’d outstretched an arm in quiet invitation but hadn’t missed the grin she’d given in turn before she’d settled into my side, head coming to rest on my thigh. I caught Marshall’s watchful stare from out of the corner of my eye but didn’t glance back over, smiling at the scene that played out on the screen whilst my hand smoothed over the girl’s hair. 
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed between us before Marshall’s quiet cough broke the peace we’d since created, but the sky was more of a hazy cast of dark blue now rather than the ruddy auburn that had lined it much earlier. I stifled a small yawn.
Rosie sniffed softly in my lap, twisting a tad to cast her Dad a quizzical glance. Throughout the duration of the film that Z had picked out for us to watch, the man had gotten close enough that he now only had to drop his shoulders to poke at her cheek.
“Bath and bed, kid.”
The scrunch that overwhelmed Rosie’s face at the order had me grinning and so I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before moving my hand to pat her shoulder. “Up and at ‘em, soldier. Heard what the old man said.”
“Do I have to?” Z huffed, just as a hand came up to rub at her eye. Marshall’s mouth ticked ever so slightly into an amused smirk, his fingers replacing mine in an effort to smooth the front of her hair. 
“School tomorrow.” He reminded her all too gently, dropping his hand lower to shuck the underside of her chin which only made the girl smile sleepily. “You know the deal.”
She sighed heavily in retort, but did eventually make the move to push herself up and out of my lap, legs stretching across the couch cushions before her feet found the floor. It was just as she went to stand that she turned to face me though, her expression a little meek but rapidly losing the residual somnolence it had just held. “Will you do my hair again for me tomorrow?”
I was caught by surprise at the question she’d asked. I wouldn’t lie, but I didn’t let the reaction show as I smiled warmly back at her, reaching out to tap a finger on the top side of her hand, “‘Course. Anything you want, lovely.”
Rosie’s little grin had her eyes squinting and forced the corners of her mouth to pinch upwards in a move that only deepened her dimples. She leaned over to give me a hug of thanks, whispering the word into my ear before she pulled away and rounded the sofa, kissing her Dad’s cheek on her way out.
“No messin’ about, Z. An early night, ‘kay?” Em reminded her, leaning against the back of the couch so that he could tilt his head far enough to see her, “I’ll be up soon.” He added, his words met by another charming grin whilst she shook her head in fond exasperation and slipped out of the room, leaving just the pair of us and the tv. 
It was a long while before Marshall disturbed the quiet once more, the film we’d been watching had finished some time ago and so now all that was playing on the screen was a couple repeats of South Park and the odd advertisement. “She’s different with you.” I heard him voice.
With a furrowed brow, I let my head turn to find him. He was perched in the same position he had been, but now with an arm stretched along the back of the sofa and a knee bent to fill the small gap that still separated us. “What d’you mean?”
When he replied, it was low and soft, a murmur if not for the sincerity behind it. “She don’t act like that ‘round nobody.” He told me, fingers jumping in a steady rhythm on the back of the cushion, his eyes peering between mine. “Me, sure. She’s a fuckin’ koala when she wants to be, but with other people… it’s something she second guesses.”
His words confused me. Or rather, threw me. “I don’t get it.”
He dropped his gaze, blowing out a small but mirthful huff through his nose, his thumb dragged along the edge of the sofa. “You known her what, three days? And she don’t think about gettin’ close to you. Sure she’ll be coy with it, sly even, but that’s ‘cause she don’t wanna overstep with you. Like that right there–” Em said, getsuring his chin out towards my lap, I followed the gesture, then blinked back up at him, remembering the way she’d approached me, “She don't do that with people.”
My face must have given away to the fact that I was still trying to process the weight of what he meant, because his smile was soft, warm even.
It made me think of Lottie, who was always so open with her affection, who gave it out without thought or focus, her smile always great, always there. Then of myself. I tended to avoid affection where it mattered, a reason as to why I’d never let many people too close to my heart, why I hadn’t had something fulfilling to divulge when Marshall and I had spoken about past exes, I supposed. It baffled me to see some of the same tendencies I’d shown growing up in Rosie, in a girl too sweet, too loving, too happy to be so aware of how to guard herself.
I looked to him again and let him have his fill, allowed him to see how his words, the sentiment behind them, had pierced through the armour I’d long since moulded around myself. 
One side of his mouth lifted and he used the hand resting on the back of the sofa to circle my wrist, leaning in a little closer, filling that previous gap. “Ro’s had her mom, her sister. They’ve been there. They love her, and she loves them. I know that. But with Kim, it ain’t always parentin’, it’s fun and games. It’s showin’ off, not showin’ up. It’s messin’ around until she finally grows–” 
He paused there, eyes flickering left and then right as his tongue swiped over his lower lip, almost as though he was resentful of the term he wished to use. 
He settled for, “Bored. Or maybe jus’ tired, you know? She’s there until it's her time to step up and do the job she’s ‘sposed to, til it's missed recitals and forgetting pick-up, that’s when she reacts. Pulls away.”
He sighed, gaze caught on his fingers, on the easy way they engulfed my wrist. His thumb brushed over the freckle that dotted the bone, and continued on through a slow exhale, “Ayla, she’s a lot older. She does her own thing, she’s got school, work, friends. Z obviously filters into all that, but there's always been a small divide. I like to think it’s just ‘cause of their ages– it’s how me and Nate worked growin’ up, you know? But there’s this whole idea that fuckin’ messes with my head, like maybe it's all down to me. Ayla’s my niece, but she’ll always be one of my own. I love that girl as much as I love Rosie. More than life itself. But I know I hurt her, havin’ her here, watchin’ me fail and fuck up whilst she was growin’ up. And jus’, maybe I can’t help but wonder if I ever let her know that enough, that I loved her, if it’s that that’s impacted her relationship with Z.”
I was quick in my attempt to soothe his doubts, the hand he didn’t hold jumping over to lay across the top of his own. “I’d call you an idiot, but I reckon you already know that.” I chuckled halfheartedly, though my smile was genuine when his eyes snapped up to meet my own, “You’re an amazing father, Em. I honestly believe that with my whole heart. And it doesn’t take much to see it either. I mean, I was here not even a day and was so quick to see the love you held for your daughter. I saw it in your reactions too when we called, when you spoke of them, however brief it was. I haven’t met Ayla but I don’t think I’d have to for me to see that your worries are just that, worries. I’m sure that girl loves you in the very same sense that I am sure that she knows you love her. That you see her as much more than just your niece.”
My thumb trailed over the back of his hand, skimming knuckles, taking in their slight discoloration, the faint white lines that could have only been age old scars. I dipped my head a tad so that my gaze could align with his shadowed blues, prompting him into lifting his eyes from off the floor.
“I’m also honoured that you think Rosie’s comfortable enough around me to mention the gravity behind it, that you’d trust me with her company, let alone her affection.” I said sweetly, gifting him another smile, it was close lipped but one that appled my cheeks. His stare caught onto it, fingers tightening around my wrist by a fraction in a squeeze that showed only his appreciation. So I squeezed back, fingers fastening over the top of his fist. “Z’s hard not to love, she’s all of your best parts and more. Sometimes…” 
I took a small breath, fretful over saying what I had intended to until Marshall met my flickering gaze once more, silently prompting me on. I swallowed thickly, feeling the force of it travel through my throat, but did follow through, “Sometimes it’s just hard raising kids, I guess not everyone’s made out for the harsher reality of it all. Of having to be a parent and not a friend. I mean, it was forced on me in a way, I’ve been raising my siblings since Danny the day came along, since before I knew what being a mum meant. What one was.” The weight of that admission had me reeling for a split second, at the truth it held. But I pursed my lips before allowing my eyes to find Marshall’s once more, “Kim, I’m sure she tries, I’m sure it’s more than my mum ever did, ever could do, but it’s okay for you to fear that it’s not enough for Z, too.”
Marshall worked his jaw, blinking for a second before he eventually spoke, voice rasping with the emotion he felt. “Kid deserves the world.”
I found myself grinning at that, the teary kind which glossed over your eyes but was strong enough that you couldn’t prevent the fluid motion of it. It was without thought that my arms came up to wind their way around his neck and I relaxed further in the gesture when I eventually felt his face come to rest against my shoulder.
“She does.” I murmured, hand cupping the back of his neck, fingers resting over the fine hair which lined his nape. “She does.” I heard myself repeat again as my eyes slipped closed. 
When we parted, I watched as Em knuckled the corner of his eye, grunting faintly to clear his throat and rid the room of any tension that then clouded us. I felt the corner of my mouth twitch, but did look away towards the tele when he started to shift once more, giving him a sense of security that he hadn’t been caught out, that I wouldn’t dig too deeply into his reaction. 
“Thanks.” He murmured after a stunted moment and it was only then that I glanced back over to him. I smiled in turn.
“Nothing to thank me for.”
When we parted ways for the night, I chose to head on up to bed, mind so full of thoughts that I found it hard to latch onto a singular one, whilst Marshall stopped at the bottom of the staircase to gift me a quiet goodnight, eyes caught on the reflection of moonlight that crept its way across my cheek, the sight mirrored on his own face.
I didn’t know it then but I would eventually, he’d never felt so inspired.
So as I’d slipped beneath my duvet, my mind stuck on the words we’d shared, Marshall was back down in the studio, writing away once more. But this time, it was for a completely different reason.
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zsakuva · 2 days
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hey saku! not sure if you've ever been asked questions along these lines before- either way, here you go!
1. What's your favourite part of the process of creating an audio? (writing, recording, SFX etc) and why is it your favourite?
2. what's your favourite character to record and why?
Constructing the idea and the latter part of editing.
Constructing the idea: Because that's when my mind does its thing! I set the limitations and wonder about characters. It's so much fun to discover and create new things, and worldbuilding is a part of it too. For my personal projects, I've spent months purely worldbuilding, and I always find it exciting. For audios, the confines I work in are stricter, but crafting a story within it never gets tiring!
Editing: I hate editing the raw voice. It takes hours for me. What I do love is adding the pieces together. Layering the soundscape, fitting in the SFX, and building the auditory world is amazing! It's as if you're listening to the world come alive, and I can't help but smile every time. I've felt the most satisfaction after listening back to The Noble Trials episodes because of the added soundtrack. I can only create the atmosphere from my own imagination, but when I can honour it and see it all the clearer, it's a wonderful feeling!
2. I think... currently, it's Zaros. I just love his character, the accent I gave him, and the tones I can play with. But Dontis is a very close second.
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psychesmoon · 4 months
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i love how energy drinks don't even make me feel energized i just become even more scattered than usual and the time blindness gets cranked up to 200%
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The thing no one ever considers while writing up character analyses about Merlin is that. he must have been sooooooo sleepy.
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suddencolds · 5 months
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~
#delete later#another journal entry 📝 for the void#i have not been sleeping well for the past 2 wks 😵‍💫 i always wake up like clockwork after 5-6 hrs which feels like not nearly enough#i feel like i've done everything there is to do (consistent exercise + consistent sleep times + earplugs + weighted blanket + no caffeine)#last night i took melatonin too but no... same problem staying asleep 😭#ahh whatever. i'm just frustrated that it has to be this way :(#anyways in an act of spite i reread like the 4 wips that have been sitting in my drafts from the past few weeks#i think something that will never cease to surprise me about writing is that more effort/time doesn't necessarily translate to better#results; i suppose that's the case with all kinds of art but#it does feel somewhat unintuitive. one of my fav professors in uni said to not dismiss those 'lightning in a bottle' moments (in art) as#blind luck... but to instead analyze the circumstances and iterate on recreating them. and i think one of my artist friends who i deeply#respect said something similar (wrt artistic rituals/setup). i have too many thoughts on writing and on my own creative processes and#weaknesses to fit into any number of tags here. :') that said...#*shakes ch2 draft* after everything i did and all the hours i spent WHY are you still so bad?!!! D: i am baffled and frustrated.#and why do i prefer this other [redacted] draft which i hammered out with utterly no regard towards the quality??#anyways. back to the drawing board i guess T.T
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froggieboisposts · 6 months
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BROOOOOOOO
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turtlespancake · 2 months
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS#“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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the-acid-pear · 5 months
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It's actually really funny how it is bc despite being an insane person with weird kinks whenever I see someone with kinks I DON'T share I'm instantly thrown off by it. Which is comedic to me bc you'd expect the freak to inherently Understand other freaks but no unfortunately that's not how it works necessarily.
#luly talks#i am way more open to shit when explained to me tho#like usually I'm outright Neutral about this like ok sure.#but there's things that outright are so confusing to me they turn me off#like i saw some mommy rp blog and she was just... acting like a mother#and it's like. super sweet of course! but... not turning me on? at all??#like i don't get why you'd want a 2 in 1 deal for a mother and a gf can't you just get the two things per separate?#and this is coming from a man with severe mommy issues too! I'm a man who lost 3 mother figures (maybe 4 even. prob more)#yet i just don't get it? like. i don't know.#like i dont get it when it's so Genuine ykwim? like sexy mommy daddy age gap shit i do get. i love older people carnally.#but when it is a real intention to have this person fulfill the gap your parents left (I'd have said hole goddamn it that'd have been funnie#r) it's like. do. do you know how hard this can backfire? like i feel it's only more harmful. like idk#like i am no one to say it i am as explicitly stated a certified freak but i really think some people should stop fucking and take an hour#off to go to therapy. just a thought.#like i have my psychological issues mirror into my kinks too I've thought of this deeply (not the cannibalism that's simply me being hungry#although i did make a huge post about hunger but i DIGRESS) but i feel it's different#maybe it's bc im autistic and aro Who Knows maybe this is about intricate social and romantic rituals i just dont get in general
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mariyekos · 5 months
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Btw for anyone who's never visited my blog and/or doesn't use desktop, I just want you to know that it's a relic blog with an audioplayer, the old tumblr format of indented posts, and a custom floating gif that walks up the right side of the page. I put my love into this theme and I'm going to share it!
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scarlettcryptid · 15 days
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i feel so silly being anxious about my ENT appointment at 930 🥴
#it's a new place new doctor so obvs im stressed#but the dr being a man 🥴🥴 it was a referral so i can't choose 🥴🥴#i think i feel especially stressed bc i have 3 issues i need to talk about and im worried he's gonna get annoyed / brush them off#i've seen an ENT about 1 of these issues back in 2012 and welp my dumb ass didn't bully my parents into letting me get the surgery so#i've been struggling w this shit all this time also i meant 2013 🧍🏽‍♀️#the other issues are my jaw popping painfully ever since july +#what the hell was the other one#fuck this is why i spent 2 hours writing shit down my memory is so SHIT#throat pain#really bad throat pain that hasn't fucked off since july 2023#it hurts to talk n i haven't been able to sing since last summer. what if i just [rembers no say the thing because Bad] Shit myself#that one appointment in june when i couldn't see my usual doctor and i had to see this other lady this mfer said wELL i dUnNo It'S nOt LiKe#i CAn diAgnOsE yOu wITh a cHronIc SorE ThRoaT hEh#annoying ass doctor no wonder my usual doctor is always booked#pls universe pls let this doctor b a decent person who actually tries 2 help mee#🥴🥴🥴🥴#221am goodbye#scarlett.txt#negative /#WHINYYYYYYY#god i always worry i sound like a paranoid hypochondriac at the doctor's but my body really is like this Please#ugh i still have at least 3 more appointments at 3 new places this year#eye and dermatologist in dec and the other thing once i get off my ass and send in that packet#at least i don't have my monthly follow up w my pcp anymore..#unrelated but i need to buy some new masks in black#and a cardigan#okay that really had nothijgnto do with anything stfu scarlett
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shield-and-saber · 2 months
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yeah, so i just finished cataclysm
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#spoilers in tags#do not read unless you've already gone thru phase 2#the high republic liveblogging#the high republic spoilers#cataclysm#i am....... in agony#i spent pretty much the entire last 20 pages crying#I THOUGHT I WAS HEARTBROKEN WHEN AIDA ACTUALLY DIED. SO IMAGINE MY PAIN WHEN THE LAST LINE TO REFERENCE HER SAYS#''[ENYA ZIRI AND PHAN-TU'S LAUGHTER] ECHOED THROUGH THE TEMPLE HALLS AND MADE THE OTHER JEDI SMILE BECAUSE IT SOUNDED LIKE AIDA'S LAUGHTER'#SHUT THE FUCK UP#SHUT UP#WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME#THE FIRST THING CREIGHTON DID WHEN HE WOKE UP WAS TRY TO FIND HER#I'M DISINTEGRATING AS WE SPEAK#WHAT THE FUCK#CREIGHTON TAKES ON ENYA???? THEY'RE GONNA HELP EACH OTHER THRU THEIR GRIEF??? HE BEFRIENDED THE MED DROID?????????#the entire funeral for the 3 fallen jedi had me fucking sobbing btw i was a mess#also. wasn't expecting this but axel's redemption did end up winning me over. i was so sure i would continue to hate him#he's very much in love w/ gella and that means i love him very much as well#cataclysm also keeps up a 2/2 record that it shares w/ convergence by way of:#gella nattai says a deeply profound and spiritually moving/comforting line in each book and it hits me right in my religious trauma#the whole 2nd half of the book was incredible. i quite literally spent about 7 hours reading it as fast as i possibly could#i'm not the biggest fan of certain parts of kang's writing but her strength ABSOLUTELY lies in describing battle scenes#those were the easiest to read battle sequences i've ever read in my life and that's out of the entire phase 2 + other prequel books#i think the only other book whose combat didn't confuse me was the 1st republic commando but it's been long enough that i'm not sure#chancellor greylark is so interesting i'm obsessed and also the end scenes w/ her and axel had me weeping like a babe#anyways. that's all for now#my posts
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forgotten-daydreamer · 3 months
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the way i've been spiralling into despair for the past 4 hours is actually insane, i think i deserve better than this
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marikodraws · 2 years
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😇
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nyalternatehellkitten · 6 months
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@madharemuses replied to your post “((I have a headache so I'm watching an FE:Engage...”:
[I want to enjoy Engage. I like the art design, I like the characters, I like the gameplay, but for some reason I just can't really bring myself to enjoy it. Also, it lacks replay value compared to most previous titles, so I feel like I spent too much on it.]
@gensokyogarden replied to your post “((I have a headache so I'm watching an FE:Engage...”:
ENGAGE GOOD
((Ayyyy we have the big two(tm) opinions here! Joking aside, I reply to these responses in the same post because I want to share some general thoughts. I'm not trying to pit you against each other by highlighting your opposing opinions lmao. Even though it's been a few days, Engage has been swirling around in my head for about a week or so now, and I do want to give my thoughts to you two, who responded to me, at least, so that post I made doesn't just become a big jebait or whatever the term is. So, spoilers, Zane's thoughts, and etc. etc. beneath the cut. Oh yeah, and it's long so don't read it unless you want to know what I think of a game I've not played, that a lot of people have been dismissive towards.))
I am writing this across several sittings. At the time of writing this statement, I'm watching the Avalanche map, so basically I'm right near the end. (I've also seen some supports, but the guy whose playthrough I'm watching is doing them offsceen because he doesn't want to waste his audience's time with grinding.)
This isn't going to be a structured review, it's more of a slightly-edited thought-dump.
My overall thoughts of this game so far, which is an impression unlikely to change, is this:
Fire Emblem Engage is a game unfairly criticised as worse than it actually is. It's not a super good game, but it does not fall as far below the 'average' standards of the series as much as people say it does.
Before I get into the full swing of things, I need to offer a disclaimer: I am out of touch with the series. I've played FE3-12 and Echoes, which means I'm missing FE1, the game that started it all, and Awakening and Three Houses, two immensely popular games that made big changes to the way Fire Emblem works, brought many new people to the fanbase, and generated a lot of attention. (I also haven't played Fates, but it's a bit less relevant to what I have to say.) I have never been interested in Awakening or Three Houses, but they changed the Fire Emblem 'landscape' so much that I would consider myself out-of-touch simply because I haven't played them.
Addressing some common criticisms
The two main complaints I see first-and-foremost on the internet that dominate over the better-formulated criticisms are: It's too anime and the writing sucks.
Now, the anime thing is stupid. Fire Emblem has always been anime; it's a stale and tasteless counter-argument, but it's objectively true. Most Fire Emblem games at least partially reflect the anime style popular around the time they were made, and all of them draw some influences from anime in general. The designs are too colourful and fancy for my taste, but I still find them enjoyable (Chloe and Etie are probably my favourites? Not super fond of Etie's Archer outfit but the player I'm watching made her a Warrior and she looks fine). In fact, I think this design choice was good; they clearly wanted to deviate from the grimness and seriousness of Three Houses, and can they be blamed for that? Making that sort of story can get heavy at times, so for an anniversary game I feel like going for something lighter was the right choice. Overall, the presentation in this game is excellent; not enough to make me love it like I loved Echoes (which was carried by the presentation alone for me), but good enough that I enjoy seeing it on my screen.
The second criticism is the writing, which is semi-valid. It's almost-good in a lot of places, but there's always one or two tiny details holding it back in my eyes. It's frustrating, because I feel like Engage would actually be quite well-written with a few fairly small edits that remove some of the issues or make the stupid parts (Chapter 10-11 Time Crystal) less stupid. The issue I have with the criticism is not that it's wrong, it's that people act like all of the other games in the series are god-tier writing or something. This is objectively untrue; most Fire Emblem stories are fairly straightforward or cliche plots carried by a cast of one-note, but enjoyable and likeable characters. Liking the characters makes you overlook the flaws in the plot. Just think about how many Fire Emblem games are about awakening or summoning some kind of all-powerful dragon or dark god (or both), and then think about how often that actually bothers you simply because you like some of the characters.
Let's talk about the writing for a moment, since this is an RP blog and therefore revolves around writing
It sounds to me like Engage's writing is actually really average by Fire Emblem standards (it can't be worse than the GBA games at least, if you ask me) but it's issue is that it came after Three Houses, a game which tried to be very different from the rest of Fire Emblem when it comes to writing. I haven't played Three Houses but I have seen people react to it. The amount of time people spend debating and arguing over who's in the right or wrong, beyond just which lord/house they like, shows that the game provoked more thoughts from its players than just "Oh I like this character more than this other character." Engage clearly has not done this, and parts of it that could form a good running theme just don't quite connect. The dots don't quite link up and the stars don't quite align. It falls just short.
In my head, I'm comparing it with other Fire Emblem games and I don't think it's that much worse than some (fairly well regarded) entries in the series. For example, in FE7, everything Ephidel does doesn't really make sense since he's formenting a rebellion in Lycia to gather Quintessence for Nergal to summon dragons... even though Nergal already has enough Quintessence to summon a dragon. In Sacred Stones, Eirika is supposed to be the diplomacy route, and yet everywhere she goes, stuff(tm) happens and she gets dragged into fights because Fire Emblem requires things.exe to happen so that each chapter can be a fight. In Binding Blade, the big exposition was Jahn explaining Idoun's backstory... through the medium of Roy seizing like 20 thrones in one chapter. In Monshou, the big main idea of Hardin being turned evil was great and executed pretty well, but most chapters are "So you're fighting dudes loyal to Medeus or Hardin" and the story is mostly about Marth trying to figure out what's going on in Akaneia. It's not bad, but it's hardly some god-tier story that has the player hanging off the edge of their seat at every chapter.
By comparison, Engage has an issue with build-up and payoff. The payoffs are often good, but the build-ups often don't do them justice. For instance, Morion was a good payoff because while what happened to him was quite predictable, Alchryst and Diamant's boss conversations with him are great. What's lacking is the fact that he gets captured by Hyacinth like... one chapter after he's introduced, after raising a million death flags. If he had been a green unit (or even a playable character with a big "Morion will go back to ruling his kingdom after next chapter" warning, or his stats transferring over to Diamant like with Nils and Ninian in FE7) for a while to let the player get to know him better, then his death would have been more impactful. Let Alear agree or argue with him about certain things; Alear needs to interact with Morion's pretty strong force of personality (that I think is pretty well demonstrated, even if it's quite one-note, in his first appearance).
Likewise, Lumera died too quickly. We needed a few more chapters for her and Alear's relationship to ripen. If the game had opened with Alear sent to Firine (upon Alfred's request, to help deal with Corrupted and bandits), with Lumera accompanying them but not helping them in battles to help him readjust to being awake, then it would have probably worked out better pacing-wise. Little happens character-wise in those chapters, so slotting in some Alear-Lumera interactions would have helped establish Alear's personality and motivations for the rest of the game. After Firine, they could return to Lythos for a little bit of R&R with Lumera promising to teach Alear more about the Emblems. Then the attack happens, she dies before she can, and the game proceeds with Brodia after that. It makes Lumera more impactful because the player gets to see her relationship with Alear more, and it makes their feelings for her stronger too, since they now have time to experience how she's their mother and acts like it.
One last example I will give is Zephia. Her whole death scene is kind of invalidated by the fact that she's been speaking as if the Hounds are her family for the whole game. I think a little tweak could really have fixed it. Take 'family' to be the theme of the story; a lot of Fire Emblem games place emphasis on bloodlines and family. Engage could have taken that both ways: that sometimes, blood family is important (e.g. the royal sibling pairs in the game) but sometimes your found family is just as important (Lumera and Alear) and sometimes your family can be abusive and bad for you (Sombron and Veyle, Zephia and Marni). How does Zephia fit into this? Well, imagine if her dialogue was tweaked ever so slightly. The idea is that she misunderstands how family should be because of Sombron (what he said during the time travel part). She longs for a real family, but because of Sombron she thinks that family should be abusive. Seeing Alear and Veyle helps her appreciate what family should be, and she helps them because of that. She dies thanking Griss, and hoping that Marni will forgive her in the afterlife. There we go, a villain given a better redemption than the weird one she got in the game, and completing a theme/story/lesson for the game as a whole.
Zephia also suffers from the buildup thing. The Hounds have a lot of screentime but they don't really do much with it; Griss and Zephia get their motivations and backstories infodumped as they die, and Mauvier spends the first half of his appearances being all "I am a knight I follow orders" when he should have been dropping hints that his true loyalty was to Veyle, rather than just mechanically following orders. If some of that screentime had been used to develop that Marni wants familial love, while Zephia misunderstands what a family should be, and Griss thinks of Zephia as his mother/older sister but struggles to convey that since his world is dull when he's not feeling pain, then it would have made them more compelling than the four big mooks you knock over 13 times throughout the story. Oh yeah, and of course, they do the "I must retreat" thing way too often. Fighting them feels completely insignificant because they never die until they suddenly do.
Lastly, the characters are all quirky and... oh boy. I've seen people complain that the Engage characters are more one-note crazy than usual. That... doesn't feel true to me. They feel like they're less serious than usual, but that's Engage being light-hearted. I've seen serious stuff (Alfred's illness, Hortensia's feelings about stuff) but mostly it seems to be on the lighter side. I don't mind, but I think it should have perhaps been a bit more of a balance. I will say this thought: of the supports I have seen, character motivations at least seem to make sense and stay decently consistent.
Some of my other criticisms
I would argue that there are a few things holding the game back. The writing, I have already mentioned. While there are plenty of good individual moments, there's often a lack of good build-up or connectedness that makes the whole feel like wasted potential and staleness. The gameplay, I think might actually be the most tactical in any Fire Emblem game so far; you can't just air-drop a god-unit into any situation with 1-2 range as easily because of Weapon Triangle breaking, and chain strikes mean that positioning actually matters, and tanking isn't infinite. This might not be a good thing, however, as I get the feeling that the average casual Fire Emblem player... doesn't care about gameplay much. It can't suck, but a lot of the time they do just want to make their favourite unit into a god and drop them into whatever situation.
One of the biggest problems is the Emblems, however. They're not really written as themselves. They're more like echoes or shadows or ghosts of the character they're meant to be. They often feel like they were written by someone who'd only read a synopsis of what that character was like, instead of seeing and analysing them (which... is probably what happened). The Emblem ring bond supports are bland and soulless most of the time, with often no connection between the character and the Emblem based off their commonalities (though to be fair, writing 12 Emblem supports for each character would have been hell). Regardless, all of the Emblem characters feel way too superficial to actually matter most of the time, they mostly exist to reference their own games a lot or provide the same basic statements about things. The advice they offer in the story is... logical but kind of bland and uninteresting. Sometimes they feel right, but most of the time they feel... not very good, which is not great when they're meant to be a big selling point of the game. It's like the Emblems are supposed to make you so excited about seeing your favourite characters that you don't stop to think if they're acting in-character. I won't comment on them too much gameplay wise, since I think that as much as they are meant to somewhat represent their own games (e.g. Sigurd being mobility and canter, Lucina having dual strike stuff) there's a limit to what you can do since most Fire Emblem games play quite samey.
Another issue I think that Engage has is the lack of post-game. Relying on DLC and Multiplayer to create replayability for a single-player game is just... objectively a bad idea? It's not what people are mostly there for. Watching the playthrough made me think "If I were playing this game, I'd want to run some of the other characters in side battles to see their supports and find out more about them." A post-game would be good for that, maybe with a bonus series of maps like Thabes was in Echoes. As it is, I've seen no evidence of that sort of thing.
I want to say some nice things
So I actually quite like Alear. Not a lot a lot, but a fair lot, if that makes sense. Based on everything shown about past Alear, and the way Alear loses their memories, their character makes sense for most of the game. Past Alear was emotionally stunted because Sombrero is the worst Fire Emblem dad in the series, and present Alear has a serious case of no-thoughts-head-empty at the start of the game. Given that everyone treats them super well (worships even...), it makes sense for them to develop a positive outlook on life, a strong fondness of their friends, a solid sense of duty towards everyone counting on them, and also feel kind of creeped out at being worshipped. Alear also feels a little more complete as a main character to me, oddly enough? I haven't played those games so I can't say for sure, but Robin and Corrin both often gave me a weird vibe like they're meant to be the player's self-insert but didn't commit to it enough. Like they wanted to make a self-insert character but then realised they needed to insert more character for supports, interactions, and story beats. Alear, on the other hand, feels like they wrote a complete character and then had to shove the self-insert in, to their detriment.
I also need to talk about Yunaka. I think Yunaka did something no other Fire Emblem side character (non-main character) has ever done: she immediately made me want to read about her supports to learn more about her backstory. Most Fire Emblem characters show up and I'm like "Okay, so this is this character's vibe. I'll find out more in the supports, I bet." Yunaka though... as soon as I heard her battle/crit quotes and saw how much that differed from the quirky "OwO I am cute thief" personality she was projecting, I was immediately like "There's more here. I need to know what her deal is." The game immediately shows that she's good at acting, and as soon as you put her into combat you see a side of her completely different from the one you saw before, and that sparks curiosity. That's good. Fire Emblem doesn't do that, instead it tries to establish the one note that its one-note characters are based around in a good way so that the player knows what that character's deal is. This time, it did that, and more. I haven't seen all of Yunaka's supports yet, but I will go through all of them when I get the chance to. I must know.
The music and voice acting are pretty good. The presentation and CG art is good. I don't think I need to elaborate on this, I think they're presented in a way that accentuates the atmosphere they're trying to create most of the time.
I'm hesitant about this last bit, but I think the game conveys its characters well. This is something Fire Emblem has never really had trouble doing, so it's not really a thing in Engage's favour, it's just another thing the game is not bad at. The supports (or those that I've seen at least) are good at showing what each character's deal is. That's not hard to do, though it is occasionally not done well (Vaida and Dorcas... a support that shows what their characters are like, but repeats the same joke dragged out three times in a row without really resolving anything).
Edit: Oh, and I can't believe I forgot to say that the really cheesy and campy moments are amusing rather than cringe to me. I think they just barely toe the line at times, but like... given how often the games try to shoehorn the 'Fire Emblem' into it, this really isn't even the worst.
Conclusion
This is the part where I pretend to have a conclusion so it feels structured. I already said what I needed to say at the start, so this is the part I put a bow on it.
I feel like it's hard for me to assess this game. I haven't played it, and I haven't played Awakening and Three Houses, two games that I feel like probably influenced both the fanbase and Engage a lot. But I can't help but feel like it's better than all of the hate it gets. I don't really think it's god tier, but it's definitely not as bad as it's said to be. I think if I did have the opportunity to play it though, I'd enjoy it at least as much as I enjoyed FE6, FE8, and FE11. With the others I played, I think it'd be a bit more up in the air.
If I had to say though, there's enough problems for it to be disappointing, but enough good for it to not warrant the amount of hate I've seen. I feel like the hate it gets is often an instinctual rather than logical thing; rarely do I see people fully explain how they feel, and sometimes some of the people criticising it talk like they're series veterans but it turns out they've played like... 4 games. Still, I can't help but feel like if this game came out after Fates rather than Three Houses, people would have a better view of it.
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keeps-ache · 8 months
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my sibling just tripped and i said 'god bless you ?????' like they sneezed or something ??
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girlscience · 9 months
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THE FACT TRANSFORMERS DO NOT HAVE CONSISTENT SIZING OR EVEN CANON HEIGHTS FOR MOST CONTINUITIES
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#tf#I HATE IT HERE WHY DO THEY HAVE SUCH WILDLY DIFFERING HEIGHTS#i can't even find canon heights for most of them anyway 😭#i just want to be able to figure out a ratio for auto form to robot form so i can figure out how tall my oc would be#and then how tall they would be compared to various characters#but noooooo bumblebee can be roughly in the same height range every time#and that correlates fairly one to one to his auto form (from what i can find)#starscream seems to vary a lot within the twenties or so.. but if he's one of the F number jets.#that's like a ratio of ~.4 ISH for robot height to irl jet length (again for the heights i can find)#which is no where NEAR the one to one ratio of Bee#and don't even get me STARTED on optimus 😭#and NONE of the motorcycle transformers make any kind of fucking sense AT ALL#i can't even start on them because I will pull all my hair out#listen. I just want a reasonable height for either a motorcycle tf or a car tf and starscream.#it's all I need to figure out a decent height for my oc based on their vehicle mode (THATS THE WORD IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR not auto form lol)#i need the motorcycle or car tf to figure out their height. and i need screamers so i know what it looks like when they fuck him lmaoo#THATS ALL I WANT. I DONT FEEL LIKE THATS TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR BUT FUCK ME I GUESS#it's 1:30 am and I have been laying in bed thinking about this for the past ehhhh 2 and a half hours#and this is definitely not the first time i've gone down this particular rabbit hole#I JUST WANT ANSWERS
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