#i think i write kinda mid but then every adult EATS it up like its candy

[trans-estinien]

need to get a metaphorical flag that just says IM TECH LITERATE on it to wave around

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #357

“your magic white rabbit has left its writing on the wall  /  we follow like alice, and just keep diving down the hole”

Are you better at telling stories or writing them? Writing, by a long shot. What’s one song you hate, but know every word to? i'm a barbie girl in a fckn barbie woooooorld What’s your favorite magazine? I don’t read magazines. If you could be an animal for one day, which animal would you choose? Probably a house cat. Be indoors and safe, able to just nap... lol. But I'd want another cat as a friend, too! Do you prefer outdoor or indoor concerts/events? Indoors, by a mile. I get hot outside way too easily. Do you know if you were a planned child? I don't know. What’s your favorite gem? Dragon's breath opal. As an adult, do you want to live in an apartment or a house? I'd like to live in a house, especially with the pets I want. I doubt many apartment complexes would allow multiple reptiles and inverts. Do you like the stem or leafy part of the broccoli? It doesn't matter much to me, but I prefer the stem. The texture is more likeable to me. Do bats frighten you? No, I adore bats! Does Paris appeal to you? Yeah, it's a pretty place. Are you a KPOP fan? No, I've never really checked it out. How long was your longest relationship? Over three and a half years. First time you kissed the last person you kissed? We were outside roasting marshmallows one night. Do you have to really know someone to kiss them? Absolutely. I don't dish 'em out for nothing. Were you anyone’s first kiss? No. If you had to be named after one of the 50 states of America, what state would you WANT to be named after? I actually think "Nevada" would be kinda pretty as a name? Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, or practices of individuals or groups? I've wondered this for a long while, really. I lean towards it being a mix, maybe? But more towards universal, I think... with some exceptions. This answer is all over the place, I honestly don't know. Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when? No? I think the "why not" is obvious... You just don't. What do you think is one one of the most undervalued professions right now? Teachers, garbagemen, retail and food workers... There's a lot. Have you ever seen anyone have a heart attack? Thank Christ no. Have you personalized your answering machine/voicemail? No. Have you ever had Fiji brand water? I actually don't believe I have, though it's always looked appealing to me, haha. What’s your favorite horror movie? The Crazies and the first Silent Hill, as well as both Blair Witch Projects. What was the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? I'd rather not even think about things the bitch said to me. Are you biracial? No. When was the last time you got mad and broke something? I've never broken something when mad. What color dress did you wear to prom? My first was maroon, second one was black. Who is the cutest baby you know? My friend has a daughter named Scarlett who is absolutely gorgeous. Have you ever thrown a rock at a window? No, because I respect people's fucking property. Has anyone ever thrown a rock at your window? No. Does your hair react well to dye, or does it damage it? It likes to not take dye at all. >.> I have only had one instance where a friend dyed it red and it stuck for months and months, but we kept it in for a couple hours, I think. My normal hairdresser says it's because my hair is really healthy and I guess rejects it. What kind of pet do you wish you had? I ramble plenty about how I want tarantulas and more reptiles, haha. I also DESPERATELY want to rescue or foster an opossum. When was the last time you were diagnosed with something? Are you concerned about anything regarding your physical or mental health at the moment? I haven't been diagnosed with anything in quite some time, I believe, but as I'm going through the process of being approved for TMS therapy for my depression, my bipolar diagnosis is being questioned, which is... strange to me. It's been acknowledged by many a doctor that I have bipolar 2, but if insurance recognizes my primary diagnosis as bipolar, they won't cover TMS because it can massively excite the mania portion of bipolarity, and therefore I can't do it because we can't manually afford it. I'm willing to take the risk by far, as I've never had issues with mania, but I can't without insurance. I'm just waiting to hear back from them... What is one blanket judgment you tend to make about people (like, you judge all people who live at home, all people who drink, etc)? Does this judgment come from a particular personal experience? I really don't know. How do you react to other people yelling or slamming doors? Is this something you ever do too? I get very scared if it's a man. I don't like anyone doing it, and my anxiety will spike regardless, I'm just terrified of angry men. Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result? No. Who has the power to break you? Jason still might. I don't know. Is anyone in your family blind? My sister is legally blind in one eye. Do you believe in evolution? Yeah. I do find the concept odd, that ALL LIFE originated from one thing, but I sure ain't got a better explanation, so. What job do you think people should be paid the most for? Surgeons, maybe? I dunno, that's a big question. Were you ever held back a year in school? Did you ever skip a grade? No. Have you ever been given a hickey? Have you given one? Yeah to both. What is your least favourite thing about your full name? I have the most basic white bitch middle name in the world, lol. Do you like the age you are? Eh, I don't mind it much, but I think it'd be better to be in my early 20s versus mid 20s. I'm just always so tired now. I can't believe I used to refuse to go to sleep before 10:30. What’s your favourite kind of poptart? The chocolate sundae one. If you had to eat one type (Chinese, etc.) of food which would it be? American bc I'm not very adventurous with food at all. When did your family immigrate to wherever you live now? *shrug* Are your fingers long, or short? Long. Mom's always said I have "piano fingers." Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who’s your buddy? Yeah, I love it, but don't play it nearly as much as I want because I don't exactly go anywhere, lol. My bud's Charmeleon, and I'm probably like five EXP from level 28. Do you ever sit indoors and wear sunglasses or a hat? I don't own either, so. Do you know how to read animals’ behavior? I honestly think I'm very good at it. Do you like playing video games? If so, what do you usually play? Yes, but not as much as I used to. All I really play nowadays is World of Warcraft. The only working console I have is a PS2, and I haven't bought a new game in probably a couple years, but there are definitely ones I want to play, mainly on PS4. Just can't afford it right now. Have you ever viewed the moon through a telescope? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. There's no way I could, given my tremors. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? Books. When is the last time you ate donuts? It's been months, man. I've seriously been craving a glazed one, though. Krispy Kreme sounds amaaaaaziiiiiing. Has anyone ever called you sexy? Somehow. Do you like raisins? NO NO NO NO NO. Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to? More than once. Do you like ants? They're genuinely extremely fascinating animals, but they're seriously annoying nevertheless. Did you like the movie Antz? I loved it as a kid. What was your favorite ice cream flavor when you were little? Chocolate. Is it still your favorite? Eh, depends on the day. By the way, what is your name? Brittany. What time zone do you live in? EST. Do you like cats? I love cats. What’s the most creepy experience you’ve ever had? One night when my mom and sister were at the beach for a dance competition, I was having trouble sleeping, and it only got worse when my dog Teddy started freaking the fuck out, barking loudly and staring intently at the foot of the bed. I was so scared that I tried to force his head to lie down, but he fought against me. I was terrified, but got up out of the bed and went into the living room to call my mom at like 3 in the damn morning, and she had to have our neighbor come over to sleep in the house with me (I was in a different room that night). You can't convince me that there wasn't paranormal shit going on. I think the house was haunted honestly, for multiple reasons. What’s the most boring game to exist? Why do you dislike it so much? Hm, I dunno. What’s the coolest place that you've ever been to? What’d you do there? Disney World was very memorable as a kid. We just went around collecting signatures, going on rides, all that fun stuff. I'll never forget fireworks at the castle. If you’re interested in having a long-term relationship with someone, do you think that waiting a certain amount of time before you first have sex is a good idea? Or does it not matter? I think it's a good idea, personally, mostly for the sake of reducing the spread of STDs. Just because you think you'll be long-term, doesn't mean you will be. Besides that, isn't there a science that sex and feelings of love are connected? Like, sex is impossible without at least some underlying emotions? I might be entirely wrong, in which case forgive me for spreading misinformation, but if that's so and things don't go as planned, you've gotten emotionally invested in someone too early and wind up getting hurt. You do you, I just don't think it's smart. Have you ever discovered something big by looking through someone’s phone, Facebook, email, etc.? No. Have you kept anything from your past relationships? (Things they left at your house, gifts, notes, etc) Do you think that’s a big deal for future relationships or not? Yeah, like plushies and little stuff like that. When it's tiny things like I just mentioned, I really don't think it matters. I think some things might be questionable to keep, but at the same time, I don't think it's really wrong to keep memories of a happy time, if the thing still brings you joy and has been emotionally disconnected from the ex? Idk. Do you have any financial regrets? Either way, what’s an example of a GOOD financial decision you’ve made? Going to and dropping out of college three fucking times. I don't know about a good financial decision seeing as I'm not even in charge of my own finances, nor really have any to begin with. Are you a believer in “signs” from the Universe about things in your life? If you are, can you think of a particular example? No. Name some things that one or both of your parents are really good at or really interested in. Mom LOVES medical stuff, like watching surgeries and stuff like that. She is also absolutely incredible with children. Dad likes sports a lot, hockey and football especially. Think of a good friend of the opposite sex (currently or in the past). Have you ever had any sort of “more than a friend” or sexual thoughts about them? If not, can you explain why? Well, we dated briefly, so... It was awkward to, but I let myself imagine sexual situations a few times to help myself understand if I really did like-like him, or if he was truly just a brother to me. Turns out, he's a bro. If someone told you that you would never achieve something and you ended up doing it, would you have any interest in finding that person and showing them? I'ma be honest, yes. I wouldn't actively seek them out, but rather just hope they somehow find out or I run into them or something. What is the most jealousy-induced thing you’ve ever done? Apparently, be the girl Juan liked instead of this girl that literally threatened to deck me. Guess what? We're friends now lmaoooo.

[ourcollectivefantasy]

A Little Blue Box

The mailemental had a bit less to go on than Leon’s last request; all he had for this recipient was a name. In truth, he had absolutely no idea where Iloam and Ael lived, but he figured it was worth a try, so he forked over the gold and the pair of names and hoped for the best.

True to form, the glowing bluish-purplish fellow found the elves it was looking for, and handed off the blue-and-silver box with the smiling wolf’s head logo with utmost reluctance (the telemancy runes on the interiors were so tempting) before heading off on its way.

As always, the attached envelope was addressed by hand in plain handwriting to “Iloam & Aelberyn.��� The letter inside was very short, and read thusly:

“Iloam,

You asked for help, even if you don’t remember it. You probably need it, even if you don’t want it. You’ve got it, if you ask for it again. My comm information is on the other side of this letter. I invite you both to use it as you see fit.

Yours, Leon E. Ambroce

PS: Share the truffles. The bottle’s for Aelberyn as much as you. If you two find no other use for it, it works just as well as dish soap for shutting a man up in a hurry.”

Tucked delicately into the box were two round truffles of such dark chocolate that they were nearly black, and were themselves quite bitter, cut only by the shreds of sweeter cocoa decorating the exterior. Nestled in a wad a cotton padding was a small eyedropper bottle labelled “Bitter Bastards.”

————————————————————

The start of the week was typically busy at Blacksong Records. Bands were coming back from weekend tours, equipment was being schlepped over the drawbridge and through the courtyard to be unloaded by roadies, craft services crews were coming in and setting up pop up tents for the week along with grills and firepits. The local brewery would always stop by, restocking the pony keg supply and taking next week’s order.

The courtyard at Brightwater Ferrer’s Manor was a dreary mess of wet gravel as morning fog rolled out and left a layer of dewy moisture over every surface. Gutters dripped over doorways and the many teenagers and young adults walking in and out of the recording studio’s front door lifted their hands to shield from the annoying drip.

Inside the record studio’s converted mansion, it was somehow more chaotic. Roadies stood around unpacking, giving orders, and running back and forth between studios as PA’s barked into walkie talkies; manager’s made deals in hallways; groupies lounged on every staircase and ratty second-hand couch available. There was an ever-present cloud of cigarette smoke and studio lounges were littered with bottles of water, booze, and Kaja cola scattered on every possible surface.

Iloam was at his desk, sequestered away in the back offices on the second floor, leaning back in his chair and combat boots propped on the corner. A notepad rested in his lap and a crystal player was in the center of his desk, surrounded by dozens of demo crystals. An oversized pair of headphones were over his long ears, with the cord stretched to the player, as he listened to a crystal and scribbled on his notepad. A bottle of Liquid Gold whiskey was also on his desk, with a rock glass half-full.

As his door opened, he looked up with a bored, half-conscious look and blinked back to the present. His PA had shoved the door open with her butt, clad in a pair of cut off jean shorts, fishnet stockings, and hot pink combat boots that matched her mid-riff in the same color. The logo across her chest of two crossed Flintlocks and the Pink Pistols punk band. “Mail’s here!” She announced as Iloam slid off his headphones and winced.

“Too loud,” he grumbled, long ears going back at her exuberance. “Anyt’in interesting?”

“Yah,” she whispered, grinning with bi-colored pink and black lipstick. “You got this weird one. No address, but it has your name and Lady B.” The Undead teen slid the box across his desk and they both leaned over, peering at it. “Looks like some kinda noble guy? It’s got a crest.”

Iloam tilted his head. Blue and silver packaging… Alliance, clearly. Wolf crest. Gilnean? There were a few possibilities there, but all of them friendly. Cautiously, he decided to open it and pulled out the letter on top, flipping it over and giving it a quick read.

The rogue’s face must have conveyed his surprise. “Someone you know?” Margo asked, arching an amused eyebrow. “Is it a love letter?” She teased, leaning over the desk and reaching for the letter.

Iloam swatted her hand away. “Oi! Piss off! Haven’t yeh got a lunch break coming up?” He grouched at her, waving her off.

“I don’t need to eat. I’m dead,” she pointed out and picked up the blue and silver package, rattling it with satisfaction as something rolled around inside.

“Go have a smoke t’en,” Iloam instructed, sliding up from his chair and reaching out to snatch the gift back. “Out.” This earned him a pout and then a wink from his assistant before she quite literally skipped out of the room and slammed the door. He waited until he could see her shadow through the frosted glass pick up her purse and leave the waiting room before his attention returned to the small box.

Peeling back the paper, Iloam pulled off the lid and found the two chocolates inside. A touching gift really – anything handmade from a Chef always was – but those would have to go to Aelberyn. There wasn’t any way Leon could have known Iloam didn’t eat… well… anything he didn’t have to. But he picked up the small bottle and smirked at the brand name. Of course. Very clever. And most of all, thoughtful. He paused, palming the bottle and looking out the window at the Tirisfal drizzle. He wouldn’t have ever thought Leon of all people would think of him outside of the occasional hello and joking around at parties. What had earned such kindness?

The rogue moved back to his desk, sitting deep into his chair and scooting forward as he pulled out a pre-printed thank you card with the Blacksong Records logo printed in gold dripping ‘spray paint’ effect over a skull emblem on matte black card stock. Picking up his quill, he attempted the best handwriting he could – which was to say it looked as if a chicken were having a seizure.

“Leon,

Cheers much for the gifts. They were a pleasant surprise. You are right that I don’t remember much of anything about last Friday. Aelberyn tells me I was a real shit heel. She didn’t deserve that – none of you did. I hope that you and the lads will forgive me. It had been ages since I let my drink get the best of me, and I am doing my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

He looked at the glass of whiskey on his desk. Well, that was a lie. But it was better than heroin – wasn’t it? Iloam frowned and went back to writing.

“I don’t know what you can do to help, but I will certainly keep the offer in my pocket for if and when it may be necessary. It’s only proper to extend the offer back. Should you ever need anything from me, just give me a ring.

- I.B.”

He added his com frequency, and for good measure, their personal address for any future packages and letters.

((thank you @mremaknu​ !)) 

[localrobosexual]

hewwo my fwiends it's currently real Loving Seaside Hours™ again as spurred by talking to a blessed pal of mine earlier today about our comfort characters, so as I'm tryina ride out this thunderstorm going on outside so I can actually go to sleep I'm just gonna take a moment and gush about this robot and how and why he means so much to me, that alright w y'all lmao

putting a breaker on this bc I already know it's gonna get long and ramble-y lmao. Not gonna mind if u skip this over and don't bother reading it, I just wanna kinda shout into the void about my ocs a bit, don't mind me!

HEY SO YEE I JUST RLLY RLLY LOVE MY BIG DUMB ROBOT SO SO MUCH AAAAAA HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND I COULD NEVER SELL OR TRADE HIM EVER AND I JUST WISH I HAD MORE DISPOSABLE INCOME TO USE TO JUST BUY MORE COMMISSIONS OF HIM BECAUSE GOD EVERY TIME I DRAW HIM AND EVERY TIME SOMEONE ELSE DOES TOO MY HEART JUST FUCKIN SWELLS W LOVE AND HAPPINESS!!!!! THIS ONE LITTLE TRANSFORMERS OC DOES THAT MUCH!!!!!!!! AND ITS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAA

ok but. For real now, besides my initial screams that I had to get out hksjdks. Y'all wanna hear some insight into what all went into making him and why he means so much to me and all. Strap in bc it's gonna get Real

let's start with something pretty well known. Maybe not coming from me but a well known fact regardless lmao. Truth be told I wrote out from the paragraph below this one to the bottom without writing an introduction first and I'm too tired to try to come up with anything good now so uh. Hopefully this isn't too jarring hkshdksk my bad y'all my bad.

Anyways. Mental health! Fucked mental health! that's so much fun right!!

Haha yeah. Nah. We all know this. Being depressed is rlly wack y'all. It fuckin messes up ur head big time. I still don't know if I have downright depression, because I still haven't been properly diagnosed, and I never rlly associated my symptoms and the way I was feeling with depression bc it didn't line up with the stereotypical symptoms of depression, so I was (and still am) just calling it my "existential crisis". That was rlly the only word I could use to describe it. And it was dark and it was lonely and crushing and so, so awful. Despite the fact that I had an extremely loving and supportive friend group, I was always, ALWAYS afraid of speaking up about it. Despite them and all, I still felt super SUPER alone in the way I was feeling about life, my future, and my general purpose. This was all just reinforced by my parents and other adults in my life who I tried to come to in the past who would brush me off by saying I was overreacting, or that I'll "figure it out, because everybody does", or just generally not really understanding or showing any empathy at all. It took my entire life up until SENIOR YEAR ENGLISH CLASS when I went to my teacher about how I was feeling about a certain project that was triggering my symptoms, and that was the first time in my life when any adult had actually shown any sort of understanding or sympathy towards me and my feelings. That was the first time in my life where my mental struggles were validated by someone I respected and held to high regard.

But I still felt so very very alone, with no one to really talk to or who I knew was going through the same thing as me. So I ended up just,, , making someone who did.

Fun fact, before I really went ham on his development, Seaside was just gonna be a one-off oc with a happy go-lucky attitude and not much else about him. It was only until I heard the song What We Will Never Know (which later ended up becoming one of his theme songs bc of this) for the first time that I decided "WAIT,,. ,, BUT,, , WHAT IF,,. , ,,, , I MADE HIM SAD TOO" pretty much hkHKDJDJSK and that's what kick started his development!!

here I was, this sad, depressed, deeply lonely bitch with a love for making characters who played on extensions of myself, finally able to make something to cope with how awful I was feeling all the time. And that's what Seaside kinda was to me at first, he was my coping mechanism for working through hard bouts of my existenial crisis. I crafted his backstory to fit EXACTLY what I was going through at the time. He was content but never truly happy with how his life had been for as long as he could remember, then something exciting and new happens and he's suddenly thrust into a brand new world with so many new possibilities, but as he starts to settle in he realizes just how lost and alone he truly is in this new environment and he doesn't know where to go or what to do with himself. This is literally, EXACTLY a point-to-point retelling of my experience going through high school, graduating, and trying to figure out what to do with my life all with my mental health rapidly deteriorating around me. And having someone like that in my life, even fictional, even one I literally made up myself, made me feel better. I'd daydream scenarios of of us going on little adventures at the beach at night where no one else would see him in robot mode (gotta keep up the disguise aspect and all), but mostly it was just us hanging out, usually cuddled up to each other bc it gets cold on the beach at night, looking up at the stars, chillin and talking and just taking comfort in each other's presences and knowing that we weren't alone in our struggles. And I KNOW that sounds super stupid and cringey and dumb but like, that's genuinely what made, and still does, make me happy and it's what I used to help me hold on just a little longer to get through some of the really rough periods of my existenial crisis. When it got super bad, when I still even couldn't tell my closest friends about how low I was feeling, I still at least had Seaside with me to help me cope.

it wasn't until it got to the point where I was pretty much (lovingly) forced to wake up to the reality that I was rapidly becoming genuinely suicidal that things finally started to change, even just a little bit. I only very recently finally started to get my mind right, I finally told my parents the whole truth about how I was feeling, I got put on some meds that are honestly doing WONDERS for me rn, and I'm definitely in a much better place mentally then I was just a few months ago. I certainly still have a long way to go, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the ride and just soak up and relish in the fact that I'm, for the first time in years, genuinely going about my days just happy to be out here living life without constantly being weighed down by the soul crushingly empty sorrow that hung over me 24/7. (and to said close group of friends, if you're indeed reading this, this may be the first time you're hearing about what I've been going through all the time, and if that's the case, I'm gonna have to kindly ask that you not come to me about it. I'll know when I'm ready to talk about this openly, but now I don't think I am. I'm really sorry to have kept it from y'all for so long, it really was just eating me up inside, but I think I explained myself well enough)

so now that I'm doing much better mentally, Seaside's outlook has kinda changed, but at the same time, not really?? he's still my comfort character for sure, always will be, but now he's not so much a coping mechanism as he is just a solid source of happiness and peace to turn to every now and again. This one little transformers oc just genuinely makes me really really happy, and I love to just soak it all in and feel every little thing!! We still share the not knowing what we're doing with our lives aspect of ourselves, but now it's a little less completely lost and anguished and hopeless and a little more hopeful and reassuring. Things are gonna be ok. We'll figure this out at our own pace. And we'll still have each other to turn to at every step of the way.

there's a lot of different kinds of comfort energies that many different kinds of comfort characters give off, and different ones resonate more with different people. The most common one I'll see at least is a kind of is parental comfort, someone you can come to for guidance in life because they have the experience to advise you on what to do and can be almost a better pseudo-parental figure. Mom friend types, loving dad energy, that kind of thing. Someone to protect you and give you big strong hugs and stuff. Seaside gives off a similar yet very different kind of comfort energy to me. It's not parental in any way because he's far too young (relatively, even in Cybertronian standards. He'd be like, mid to late 20s in human years) and inexperienced, and, frankly, still a little too naive and unknowing about a lot of things to really be someone to turn to for guidance or just generally be a pseudo-parental figure, but instead, he's just a good friend. He's a perfect kind of friend that'd stand by your side and will always be there for you through the ups and downs of life, someone who knows how to cheer you up when you're sad, someone you can share a solidarity in where you know you're experiencing the exact same struggles. He's just a good shoulder to lean on and a constant reminder that I'm never alone. And I couldn't ask for anything better tbh

so yeah. There's my ramble I guess lmao. To sum it up rlly I just love this big dumb robot w all my heart and soul and I'm so so glad I made him 💕💕💕

[whosxafraid]

I want to get to know you!

one / name / alias: crow

two / birthday:  fourth day of the seventh month.

three / zodiac sign: cancer

four / height: 5′4′″

five / hobbies: Writing (snape vc : obviously), editing, uh....not dying....surviving my kids...reading, and uhm...collecting pops.

six / favorite colors: black like my soul...also pink is good and purple and that very specific tropical green.

seven / favorite books: The Hobbit | The LOTR: FOTR | LOTR: TTT | LOTR: TROTK | Savages | The Kings Of Cool | Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs | The Strain | The Fall | The Eternal Night | Ice Station | Percy Jackson and The Sea Of Monsters  | Treasure Island | Tale Of Two Cities | Of Mice and Men | Dracula | Frankenstein | The Picture of Dorian Grey | Journey To The Center Of The Earth | The Count of Monte Cristo | The Three Musketeers | Robin Hood |  Les Misérables | The Strange Case Of Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde | Moby Dick | The Odyssey | Much Ado About Nothing | Midsummer Night’s Dream | Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban | From The Earth To The Moon | Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea | The Mysterious Island |....ima just stop there yea?

eight / last song listened to: uh.....shit uhm.....we’re going on a bear hunt i think...i have a three year old.....

nine / last film watched: Oblivion...years late i know but...wasn’t bad??

ten / inspiration for muse: uh...well...-hands u some coffee- get comfortable.... so lets go back a little bit...like way back...i think i was four? my mom would read me fairy tales and other more shall we say advanced fantasy. well i can remember thinking when she read me Little Red Cap and The Three Little Pigs why was the big bad wolf bad? like did he just up and decide one day to be a bad? did something happen to him to make him that way? where’d he come from? why does everyone hate him for trying to eat the pigs? humans eat pigs and we’re not thought to be bad just based on that. and why did he want to eat grandma anyway? unless he had some previous taste for human flesh before animals generally don’t pick us as a primary source of food...we don’t taste all that fantastic to them. (yes i was a very weird four year old who watched more documentaries than kids shows) 

well those thoughts never really went away. so fast forward a little bit---somewhere around ten and it became a sort of mission that summer to figure out where the hell the brothers Grimm even found the inspiration for the story. so i did what any mid nineties kid did...i went to the library...again....and again...and again. (driving my mom slightly crazy in the process because we lived out in the middle of no where and trips to the library were kind of a hassle.) i would spend hours upon hours hunting through every book i could get my hands on about Germanic myth and the kind and at some point i realize the sort of creature everyone thought the brothers Grimm might have gotten the idea for the big bad wolf went from ‘some giant wolf that lived in the norther regions’ to ‘they’re using the wolf as a stand in for every’s innate fear’. And the latter kinda stuck with me.  Fast forward AGAIN im sixteen going through some shit and i find all my old notes and scribbles and general silly ten year old kid stuff. But in among that box? is my little note book about the big bad wolf. (i’ve sadly since lost it i had a rough two years between seventeen and nineteen). But it sparked my interest in him again and by then i’d done a lot more reading across a lot of other regional lore and myths. And around three in the morning sitting out on my window having a smoke..it hit me.

for all the fifty seven different versions people have told over the years of The Big Bad Wolf--he’s a stand in for anyone and anything that prays on the lazy and inattentive, he’s the monster under the bed, he’s that stranger your mom warned you not to talk to on the street, he’s fear in incarnate....he had to be based of someone. because in every bit of ‘fantasy’ there is a grain of truth. That’s what makes it believable. for kids, for adults, for anyone. so i stopped looking at him like the big scary villain the fairy tales so flatly portrayed him to be and started working out who he was before. everyone has a start right? no one is just born bad just like no one’s born exactly good either. and it just took off from there.

i threw out the general werewolf ideal. i threw out the painfully shallow ‘he’s just a talking wolf that eats people’. i threw out the misconception that he was just bad to be bad. went back to the drawing board and started again. swam through miles of lore and myth from all over the world and what made the most sense to me were the “werewolves” of Ireland. thought to be decedents of Faoladh. and then i hit a snag because well wait a minute. all the wolves in Ireland are extinct now....why was that? so more research more time found out they were killed off because they were killing livestock...shocker. but why were they doing it? wat drove them to do it? why wasn’t it done earlier? what changed.

ANYWAY--so i wrestled with the Irish werewolf thing for a long while because like i said i’d thrown that entire thing out the window when i started over. and then again at some point in the wee hours of morning i realized no...i was right...he wasn’t a werewolf at all. but a boy that had been given a choice....and he lived forever after.

fast forward now to the recent past and present---a lot of my more recent developmental discoveries about Luka as a character have been thanks to @brooklynislandgirl​ who knows way more lore than i did. and she helped me shape him into who he is now here on tumblr. and its been an amazing trip that im still enjoying being. so yea...there’s a not so short explanation regarding how and why i was inspired to make this muse.

eleven / dream job: Novelist

twelve / meaning behind your url: Click me. [because yes i possess a sometimes mean sense of humor and he dislikes me for it lol]

TAGGED BY: @pricklesandthorns

TAGGING: if ur reading this and wanna do it tag ur it

[eligrantbooks]

gotta vent about my day real quick

highlights of the day

> be professional ghostwriter.

Agreed to edit a 25000 word segment of a finished manuscript for a much loved regular client, who said the MC’s dialogue needed to be punched up. Easy enough. I figured it would take a few hours.

Was briefly excited to discover the manuscript was for a concept I had outlined and written several chapters for a few months ago.

Excitement rapidly dwindles as I realize that beloved client has hired another ghostwriter to write the majority of the book. Which would be fine, except this other ghostwriter has no fucking idea what they are doing.

Formatting is a god damn disaster and I spend several hours just getting the document into a workable condition.

You ever open a word doc, look at the navigation pane, and just see a wall of blank links, because someone applied the header formatting somewhere and then just hit enter a million times instead of using a page break like a civilized god damn human being?

in the middle of this forest of blank headers, actual chapter titles are scattered at random, and also they only applied the header to roughly one out of every five chapters or so, you know, just, when they felt like it. when the spirit took them. when the stars aligned. when the feng shui was right.

Also, apparently they like the way first line indenting looks but don’t know how to make word do that (spoiler: its easy as shit and takes like two clicks) so every once in a while they start manually hitting tab before every line, until they get distracted and stop for a while, luring you into a false sense of security before they remember and start doing it again.

Sometimes, when a scene transitions but they dont want to just end the chapter for some reason, they break it up with spaces. Other times, they like to use asterisks. Once or twice, just for flavor, they throw in one of those page width lines that word makes when you type a line of hyphens.

There is random highlighting in places, for no discernible reason.

Once I have the document formatted in a way I can bear to work with, I start actually reading through it. About the first seven chapters were written by the client. They’re cheesy but solid.

Then I get to chapter eight, and the suspicions i had begun to form while putting the formatting through traction (namely that whoever did this was a fuckwit) quickly crystallized into a shining certainty that my beloved client had mistakenly hired An Ass Clown.

Not just An Ass Clown, but An Ass Clown who thought 50 Shades was a beautiful love story, actually.

And they gave This Ass Clown, this literary reprobate, this paste eating remedial english mother fucker, my outline.

let me clarify that i did not expect to have sole control of this story when i produced the outline for beloved client, and I was okay with that. That’s how it works. If I’d been dead set on writing this myself, i wouldn’t have sold the outilne to beloved client. but it really rubs salt in the wound to have spent hours of my life crafting the bones of this story, which i really liked and was excited to see take shape

and then find out it has been put into the pie fondling hands

of An Ass Clown.

first hint that something has gone drastically wrong: the arrival of completely unnecessary and ridiculous fantasy names for things.

“oh we dont drink coffee in this book. it’s kofee. at least until three chapters from now when i forget and it becomes kofe. Oh, and watch out for those thornaby bushes! I’m going to misspell that one literally every time I use it! It’s entirely possible that this isn’t a fantasy name at all and I just have a small seizure whenever I try to type the word thorn bush!”

second omen of my impending anuerism: phonetically written accents which are so comically stereotypical and inaccurate that native speakers of that accent should be entitled to financial compensation, except they can’t even stick to the stereotype accurately, producing gems such as  “It’s not safe in that there pen with ‘em swine, young miss.” I don’t even know what accent that’s supposed to represent. To top it off these accent abominations are sprinkled in with all the consistency and reliability of a lactose intolerant cheese enthusiast’s bowel movements.

But this, I tell myself, moving on, is not my problem. I just need to punch up the mcs dialogue. It’ll be fine. I can do this. I just need to take this shit: “A fond idea, but I doubt I have that ability.” I joked. “I can’t imagine living without true sunshine. Even the triplet moons must shine less brightly without their sister sun.” and make it… not like that.

Except, and here’s where I start hitting the real roadblock guys

this book is in first person.

essentially, the entire novel is the MC talking.

So sure I can change the spoken lines, but her internal monologue

which is, i remind you, the entire narrative

her internal monologue is going to keep being maggie gyllenhal’s character from The Secretary if her copy of the script had been swapped with just a binder full of sonnets written by a middle school english class during the Shakespeare unit.

I get to chapter ten around three in the afternoon. I have been working steadily, with an unusual degree of focus thanks to my recent adderal prescription, since ten in the morning.

this is where shit begins to go truly bananas.

this is a YA beauty and the beast type fantasy

that good fun indulgent shit that’s almost as enjoyable to write as it is to read

usually. previously. before i had to endure this traumatic twelve hour experience.

Chapter ten is the first big “dinner” scene. this book isn’t being shy about pulling from the source material, but that’s fine. the beast “apologizes” (heavy quotes there) for having earlier used magic to force the heroine to answer his questions truthfully. They talk and almost seem to making progress for a bit, and then have a fight and storm off. Standard stuff.

Except, uh, the beast’s apology is, essentially “Yeah I shouldn’t have done that.” “so you’re apologizing?” “no but it’s the best you’re going to get so deal with it.”

and the headstrong, independent heroine who wears pants and wrestles pigs and dont need no man

just kinda rolls with this. There’s giggling.

They have their big dramatic fight, exit stage left, much angst and todo.

The next morning heroine wakes up to find the beast has (presumably) snuck into her room while she was sleeping and dumped a bunch of new dresses on her. he has also (apparently) replaced her brain with Bella Swan’s more vapid cousin.

She forgives him instantly. Because pretty dresses. She also starts calling him master, because why not. She has, over night, become the darling submissive Tumblr doms dream of.

This is not a bdsm book. I am eighty percent certain it doesn’t even include soft core smut. I’m telling you this so that you understand this transformation was not a contrivance in order to facilitate kinky sex. I have written a contrived set up to a sex scene or two in my day. This is not that. This is Not what is in the outline. I know, because i wrote the outline. It is My Outline.

No, The Ass Clown just… decided to do this. Apropos of nothing. I’m beginning to think the Ass Clown’s decision making process involves whipping pies at a comically large dartboard. And all the options on the dartboard are just “lol whatever”

By the time I get to chapter eleven, wherein our newly lobotomized heroine is “excited to wear a new frock and please the master!” - direct quote I have given up any pretense of editing dialogue and I am just straight up rewriting shit using the previous garbage as a loose outline.

I have eaten, maybe, three bites of a bowl of oatmeal all day. I have not taken a bathroom break since before noon. I have missed my deadline. Beloved client is concerned. I’m sure I can still do this, I just need a few more hours.

the words sound like truth but my soul knows i am a liar

I frantically restructure scene after scene, deceiving myself each time that it will be the last, and I will be able to get this crazy train back on the rails. But this crazy train has no interest in being on the rails. It’s a direct line no stops right off the edge of the cliffs of insanity.

The beast jumps unpredictably from homicidal rage and threats of violence to jokes and flirting as though he did not just declare her his property and threaten to rip her tongue out a few paragraphs ago. Heroine swoons and sighs and giggles regardless of whether she is dealing with Dr.Jekyll or Christian Gray on PCP.

But I’m still sure I can do this. I’ll just adjust these two full chapters to make her appropriately scared and angry, and then replace this weird conversation here with a heartfelt apology from him and an effort to do better. That will totally work. Unless, you know, it turns out that conversation I want to replace only starts out with them joking and laughing together, and turns into him berating and abusing her mid paragraph of a fuckin montage a page later! But, haha! Why would The Ass Clown ever do that? It would be completely irrational, tonally jarring and out of character! Only a seltzer slinging rainbow suspender-ed peanut butter fumbling son of six fucks would do that.

so of course The Ass Clown did that.

It’s eleven at night. I know when I’m beaten.

I inform beloved client that the Ass Clown has bested me and I can do no more.

She is very understanding.

I send her what I managed and I check the added word count while im at it

i added a full 6,000 words to that manuscript just trying to patch up this sloppy motherfucker’s lopsided prose and gossamer thin understanding of narrative structure

son of a bitch had about as firm a grasp of romance as i currently have on the trembling shreds of my sanity.

their grip on character writing could not be more tenuous if they had first dipped the target brand Hulk Hands which I assume they always have on their person into a barrel of adult-film-grade silicon lubricant and then taken their Leapfrog 2-in-1 Leaptop Touch down a waterslide.

Do you know how much I usually make for 6000 words?

$180.

Do you know how much I made for enduring this ass blasting, which I naively believed I could tackle in a matter of hours?

$100.

You owe me $80 Ass Clown. And I aim to collect.

Also I lost my damn mind for a minute and said the words "i dont know shit about fuck my guy” to my actual father on facebook

so there’s that.

[innerthoughtsndemons]

2020.

Hey tumblr beings,

Another 365 days have past, time for another annual summary of what have happen in this year.

Honestly I love this annual diary, it’s a good way to recall back what have happen in a year before I forgot about it and a good look back to see if I have grown in a year.

2020 have started off fairly shaky, to end off where 2019 was, Koze was in a transition period between shifting of new office, finally settling down after kicking my other partner out. It’s fair to say, we were in debt. Bank account left with $2000 but the invoices piled up to be paid was around $60-70k. The amount of stress that I feel every day just from waking up still gives me shudders. It’s the helpless feeling of not being to see light , it’s afraid of taking up calls from supplier because u know they are asking for money. That helplessness of knowing u can’t find any help anywhere.

In February, things got slightly better, we signed a contract of $250K, that kinda saved our life, Koze was in such a shaky state that I think without this money coming in, i doubt we can survive. We can’t even pay the bills at the point of time. Went on a Taiwan trip during CNY this year too, and I loved every moment of it.

And then COVID took a bad turn in our life, We were on partial slow down in March, and a full lockdown in April and May till Mid of June. These 3mths was pretty scary although I don’t show it but low key I’m worried too but I know there’s nth we can do about it accept for riding the wave. Thank god after Lockdown, busy were striving before we knew it, we were closing so many deals from June all the way to Nov. which was great.

As usual Sep, and Oct were the worst mths for me, business was hectic AF. Nothing was going smooth, I cock up jobsite as usual. And when looking back there’s really no one to blame but myself. Its times like these that make me doubt myself once again, whether am I fit for this role. I guess this is really the downside of being a business owner, because when shit happens u have no one to turn towards to, no one to look answer from.

It’s so hard not to have self doubt time and again and wonder if you are doing the right thing or on the right path. Towards outsider, I will always look like the 24 yrs old who is capable of having her business at such young age, I look like I got it together but no one will truly know the mental stress I’m facing day to day. Yes, I got to admit that things did got better in 2020 end, financially, I’m finally stable. I’m finally taking a well deserved salary every mth after working for 4 yrs. finally at the year end period I’m no longer a broke child and I finally have savings to say. Although is not a lot but I’m glad at least I’m starting with smth. I finally manage to afford an IPad Air, AirPod and even a TV for my room, manage to clear out my cart for the first time, get to eat whatever I want without worries and even signing up for a facial package for me and my Mum. All these were initially in my bucket list and I’m finally getting to do it.

It’s this year that made me realise that my parents are no longer young, they are already 60 and 53. And the thoughts of them getting older and older kinda really scares me. Because when we are young we always take our parents for granted thinking whatever they do for us is a must, is 因该的. We forgot that we need to repay them for whatever they did for us. I feel like a bad daughter sometimes, for not being fillial enough to it them. I’m always rude and taking them for granted. I really want to change this bad habit of mine in 2021. They say new decade new start right? I want to make things right and do whatever in my means for them. And finally be a better daughter to repay back all the heartbreaks I have gave them in my youth.

2021, I will be 25yrs old this year. That’s 1/4 into life ,at first it didn’t seems like anything but u realise 25 is when people start looking at u differently, they no longer think that you are a kid or a young adult anymore, now u are consider a ADULT. There’s so much more responsibility to fulfill this time.

Mentally, I don’t think I’m at my best state now as I’m writing this. But I think I have got it under Better control this year, at least putting my demons on a leash now. Although that one incident in Dec is still a shitty experience for me. I kinda had a mental breakdown in front of everyone, yang, lin etc. Fuck just thinking about the incidents still gives me shivers. I freaking scream at the top of my lungs at 5am because everyone was pushing me to my brink. I had this side of me so why the fuck am I showing it, why did I not get a better control of myself??? Ever since then, i kinda just felt that I dont really know how to face everyone there, because now my secrets are out. I still bad about myself, still hate myself for being a certain ways, still attempt to die but still doesn’t have the courage to do so.

I have also kinda foreseen myself maybe I won’t even get married anymore, maybe I might just stay single forever. Because I doubt any guys can put up with me and I too can’t deal with the thought of staying forever with someone and tied down to them through bad and good times. Just the idea of marriage seems abit daunting, Imagine you are stuck with someone who you can’t stand after awhile, or imagine they cheated. And there’s nth u can do but be stuck in a fucked up life of dealing with trust or just someone you don’t love for the rest of your life. That’s just plain fucked up, why do I want to get tied down to things like this.

I guess the only goal I have for myself in 2021 is to be more firm on my decisions, be a little more patient towards everything, get a better control over my temper, whine lesser, stop sharing my problems with people who don’t care, be more filial to my parents. And perhaps pamper myself more. Since I still doesn’t know how to love myself, i guess the least I could do is at least spend money on myself.

2021 please be good. Please please have mercy, and spare me from anymore heartbreaks please.

-05012020

[a-little-bit-colorful]

Here's part two of @devils-deeds-23 's Coraline au!! 

 Spooky stuff happens and Luke feels uncomfortable. 

 -

 "Bricks?’

"I don't know what to tell you Luke, it probably just leads to the apartment next door." His father commentated. Luke was still puzzled, questions running through his head at fifty miles an hour. Evan still tired from doing his taxes, stood up and walked out the room. 

 "Well fuck."

"Language!"

Luke huffed in disappointment. He was really hoping that the door would lead to a secret room full of pirate treasure. Or something interesting like that. Oh well. He closed the small door slowly with dissapointment.

 Knowing it would be dinner soon, he stood up and grabbed his doll that was still on the floor. Then left to prepare for supper. The door still in the back of his mind.

The afternoon went by as it normally does. Food here and complaining there. Luke did his daily chores. Same as always. After everything was done, he headed to bed after a long day of absolutely nothing. Passing the living room, he took a chance at the little door one last time. Nothing had changed, bricks were still there. The thing was still unlocked, but he didn't think much of it. 

Seeing nothing out of place he carried on to his room. 

 Luke got settled into bed, trying not to be disappointed by the fact he never saw Jonathan today. Starring at the ceiling for a bit he started to drift. Rolling over to the doll that sat on his bedside table, he turned its head away from him. (What? He didn't want that damn thing watching him sleep...)

Luke was on the bridge of sleep when he heard it, a slight tapping beneath his bed. It was constant, and fast. He was to tired to actually get out of bed to see what it was, so he just leaned over the edge of the bed. A flash of grey hopped passed Luke's head. 

He quickly realized what was happening and followed after what ever was under his bed. The body of fur stopped at the top of the stairs. The thing’s ears poked up in question. This thing was a bunny, Luke realized. 

 The bunny raced down the stairs, Luke wasn't far behind. The ball of fur took a sharp turn into the living room. It ran through a crack in the tiny door on the wall.  

He thought he caught the damn thing. Maybe he could’ve convinced his dads to keep it. But when he opened the door, he had an entirely different idea in his head. A slinky like mechanism sprung, the space behind the door getting longer. The bricks where no longer there. A tunnel of sorts taking its place. Luke's mind went to childish things when a gust of wind came from the tunnel. (He was thinking about farts.)

The pretty colors that illuminated the long tunnel lighted Luke's way to a room. The same room he came from. 

Confused, he looked around. Finding the painting on the wall that reminded him so much of 'ol sugar toothed Jonathan the other day, he noticed something a little bit off.

 Instead of the fallen ice cream boy from earlier in his exploration, a happy 'my-ice-cream-didn't-fall-and-I'm-going-to-eat-this-treat" boy stood in the painting. Surely his parents where fucking with him again, as they where prone to pranks even if the are grown adults. 

Whispering profanities of how dumb of a prank this was, there was a humming paired with sizzling coming from the kitchen.

Wanting to follow the great smell of home cooked meals, Luke slowly strutted to the kitchen. The room seemed... brighter than usual. He didn't pay attention as all he wanted was to find where the smell of breakfast came from, damn the fact it was the middle of the night. 

His father stood at the kitchen counter, his back to Luke. Luke could immediately tell something was off as Evan didn't seem to have his cast on his right arm. Luke made an effort to wake his father up from what he assumed was him sleep walking. 

"Dad, why are you up so late? And where's your ca-" 

"There you are! I was starting to get worried." 

Luke backed away slowly till he was in the doorway to the kitchen once again. That wasn't his father. Face and body like him, but this person’s right arm seemed perfectly fine! Not even a scratch! But that wasn't what scared Luke the most. 

It was the black sewn on buttons that took the place of his fathers eyes. Whatever this thing was, it wasn't human.

"And who are you?" Luke asked clearly suspicious. The Evan Fong imposter spoke in a voice almost too cheerful. 

"Don't you recognize me? I'm your other father idiot! Would you go get Dathi, that stick of a man hasn't eaten in forever." 

Luke was still in denial that this was happening, thinking that this was only a dream. He might as well have some fun, see where all of this will go. The other father broke Luke's thought process when he hurried him on, explaining that David was in his office.

Luke left the room for Dathi's office, still weary of the Evan imposter. Luke wandered towards the familiar sound of Dathis prized guitar. It's been a while since its melodic sound filled Luke's ears. Dathi used to play it 24/7, but once he started his book the house had been awfully quiet.

Walking through the suspiciously joyful flat, he noticed that all of the family photos that once adorned the walls were now photos of small rabbits. He didn't really want to question it.

After what felt like an eternity the teen was standing in the doorway of a very brightly lit room. This place was almost too professional for his fathers personality; Luke took note of the James Bond -ish aesthetic, he'd probably joke about it with Jonathan the next day.

A lanky figure sat strumming a guitar lazily. It sure looked a lot like his father. Only more up kept and those god forsaken buttons were on his face. When the figure noticed Luke he stood up promptly, taking no time crossing the office and enveloping Luke in a bear hug.

He immediately tensed, neither of his fathers had ever hugged Luke like this person had. If he were to be completely honest, he'd say no one had ever hugged him like this.

Dathi stepped back, keeping his hands on Luke's shoulders.

"Well if it isn't the greatest child I have!"

"I'm the only child you have." Luke said giving the Dathi imposter a snarky look.

"Oh I know that," He retorted. "I was kidd'n wit' ya!"

Luke pushed off the hands clamped on his shoulders, and began rocking on his heels. "So there's some food in the kitchen, don't know if you want it." 

 He and Dathi left for the kitchen. Feeling that something or someone was watching him.

When they got to the kitchen, Evan was waiting for them. A big grin on his face.

Something was so unnerving about this place, but Luke couldn't figure out what. Of course the button eyes were weird and kinda disgusting. But he ignored the uncanny valley effect still, because damn was this food good!

This weird place seemed like such a nice place to be so far! Of course it got better when a knock came from the back door. Evan seemed really exited to answer the door. He opened it slowly, as if taunting Luke.

It was Jonathan. Of course he had button eyes but other then that, everything was a complete replica! (Luke would know, he spends all day memorizing every inch of Jon in silence.)

He had the same blue hoody, only it was unzipped. A tank top like shirt under it, reading "baby blue." He also wore some shorts that left nothing to the imagination. He wore the obnoxiously large boots that went up mid thigh Jon wore when they first met. As he said a couple days ago: "They're comfortable and make me feel fantabulous!"

The other Evan walked up behind Jon, placing his hand on the top of his head and pulling out what looked to be a leash.

"I couldn't help but notice you've been... stressed out lately." Evan paused a wide smile forming on his face. He attached the hook of the leash to the collar like choker around other Jon's neck. Handing the rest of it to Luke.

"So I thought'd I'd get you a new toy," He said way too calmly. Luke of course was horrified (and a little too exited... not that he'd say it.)

"Umm... thank you?" Luke said warily. He was still really flustered, but still tried to hide it.

He looked around to find something else to look at besides his cru- friend. His friend. Yes that's what he is.

His eyes found the clock, staring at it for a moment in deep thought. It was already 4 am? He should get some actual sleep.

Luke started to complain that it was late and that it was about time he got some rest. "No worries! Your room is upstairs, like it always is. You two go ahead, me and David will clean up." Evan replied. Dathi stood up brushing off his pants and waved happily at the teens.

Luke held the end of the leash loosely, walking towards his room. The other Jon followed behind, those damn boots thumping the hard wooden floor.

Once they reached Luke's room, he was lost for words. His once cluttered desk and broken book shelf were nicely organized, they looked brand new! Posters he could only longingly stare at from afar in the stores now hung upon his walls.

The one weird thing was the cat statue that stood above the window was replaced by an owl. He didn't pay it much attention anyway.

Depending on who tells the story, Luke either went to bed happily with the other Jon siting at the desk besides his bed. Or he and Jon "stay up" and have some "fun times." Going to bed snuggled up against each other.

All I can say is, Luke is in for one hell of an emotional trainwreck. 

-

FINALLY!!! My writing style seemed to change, so that's a thing. I'm so sorry this has taken so long! Hopefully part three won't take as long??? Have a nice day my friends!

[onedaymyflowergardenwillbloom]

Things I’ve Learned as I’ve come into my own as a young adult...

1. People won’t always acknowledge the work you do. You’ll notice this a lot when you get your first full time entry level job. My boss is pretty much the only one who acknowledges what I do (and a few others, but a majority of my co-workers don’t). You’ll often feel unappreciated or that no one really cares about how hard you work, but trust me, they do. Depending on where you work, a majority of your co-workers will be 28 and up in age, which means they grew up in a generation where their parents never really coddled them all that much. A lot of them also grew up around people who expected them to do their work without anything in return. So out of habit they naturally will think the same with you. Trust me, it feels shitty, but its something you should never dwell on. And, if at least one person acknowledges you...even if its minor, don’t take it for granted. One “thank you” is always better than none. 

2. This then leads into my second point. Look for an entry level job you love. I don’t care if you keep moving jobs to find the right fit, or if it took you years to find it. You are still young, so you have all the time in the world to explore what it is you want to pursue. Your first full time entry level gig should be something you love (or close to something your interested in doing later in the future), and something that will help you gain the experience you need to further your career (whatever that may be). Surprisingly enough I learned all about this through Entrepreneur magazine (you should totally subscribe to their stuff because there are some great tips on how to find what it is you love and build from there). Find what inspires you and work towards it, because once you get that first full time job...it literally takes over your life (seriously finding days off is harder once you start working). So you wanna make sure that whatever job that is its something that won’t completely destroy your mental health or your sanity. 

3. Flakey friends/unreliable friends who make excuses should GO...NOW. Get rid of them!! If someone likes being around you they’ll make the effort, and trust me, you’ll know when someone likes you and wants to be close friends. Nothing is more a waste of time to your mental health and chance at a good, happy friendship than wasting time and energy on someone who won’t return the favor...or who just doesn’t care (or makes excuses that they can’t hang out every time you make plans). 

4. Its not the end of the world if you aren’t married or have children yet. You can be in your mid-20s (I’m turning 25 in September so I guess I’m kinda there) and be single. Its actually a blessing in disguise, because I can come home after a long day and not worry about having to take care of someone else. Also, you save a lot of money on groceries because groceries are fucking expensive. 

5. Living alone was the best decision I ever made. If you can do that at least for a month (or a few years) its so worth it. 

6. Put your pride aside and realize that you don’t know everything (this is for my fellow peeps in their 20s). 

7. Which goes to my next point, HAVE A MENTOR YOU CAN GO TO! You may think you can do it all on your own, but you can’t. Our lives are just starting without a road map to guide us, which isn’t our fault because school growing up literally taught us nothing about being an adult lol. So I can’t stress enough how important it is to have older mentors in your life who can steer you in the right direction. I honestly could not be where I am today without going to my mentors for help or support. 

8. You aren’t a super hero, you are human. Therefore, don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do everything. 

9. Make sure you eat a fruit or vegetable of some kind every day. You’ll be amazed at how energized you’ll be for the rest of the day. If your too lazy too (like myself) you can always get vitamins that have the same nutrients in fruits and vegetables to add into your meals. 

10. Try to lessen the amount of times you eat out. Since I’ve cut down on eating out, I’ve realized how much more money I have saved for the rest of the week for emergencies (like toilet paper for instance). Plus, you actually end up eating healthier because you know exactly what is going into your food. 

Well, those are most of the things I’ve learned so far as I’ve come into my own as a young adult. Of course, everyone does things differently, but these are just things that work for me and what I’ve experienced. 

Maybe if anything it was interesting to read. I enjoyed writing it.