#i think i will just explain the situation to her in the morning and pray to god that she wont ask me to rebuy it from my own money

[gayjunebug]

I AM IN A STATE OF PANIC I ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED ONE OF MY MOM'S EYESHADOW PALETTES FUCK FUCK

[ambivalence-is-me]

Your Power (2)

Pairing: Azriel x reader

Summary: The day has come, you had to face the consequences of your actions. Thinking about seeing Azriel and the inner circle again made you incredibly nervous, you pray you make it out alive.

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: mentions of death

A/N: The amount of feedback I got from this was INSANE! Thank you so much!!! I promise there will be more azriel and reader coming! I don’t know how many parts there will be of this tbh so, don’t give up on me! I’ve never had to make a taglist so, pls be patient with me :) thanks again and sorry for the grammar mistakes!

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‘’They teach you History in school, right?’’

‘’Yes.’’ Being used to talking about random stuff, your nephew continued to stuff his face with food.

‘’So, has someone ever died for upsetting, I-I don’t know, a high lord perhaps?’’

You hoped you were being nonchalant after asking, taking a sip of the drink your sister-in-law served with the meal. She rewarded you with a confused expression from across the table.

‘’Yes.’’

For the second time, you hoped your eyes didn’t show anything that you were feeling.

‘’Right…’’

‘’In Night Court, or actually, it might’ve been Autumn I can’t remember’’ He shrugged his little shoulders not thinking twice about the statement.

Not knowing that it was doing nothing to calm your nerves or fear. Which, thanks to your sister-in-law, dwindled down a bit after she reminded you that it was probably many many centuries ago where the males in higher positions were not the same ones that are now...well, at least in the Night Court.

‘’So, is there any reason you’re asking about high lords and their patience?’’

She asked after dinner was over and you were helping clean up, your nephew away in his room. And so, you told her everything. You were actually glad she was asking because you’ve been holding on to that information ever since the encounter with the Shadowsinger the day before.

After he left, physically at least because he was still very much popping up in your brain, Sabrina asked you a million questions about it but you were too shocked to explain the situation to her. She had asked again this morning but a rush of customers had walked in the shop, saving you from retelling the awkward encounter.

So really, you hadn’t told a single soul of what was going to happen in the next few days. You considered briefly speaking to your mother about it but you knew she wouldn’t be of help, instead you knew she would reprimand you for even being out with your friend on a Friday night.

‘’You’re not getting any younger now, Y/N. You have to start thinking about getting married and starting a family.’’ She always said.

Easy for her to say, she had no idea how hard it was to court someone these days. But you knew where she was coming from. There was a time when they thought there was all the time in the world for love, for a family but quickly after your brother died, it seemed like eternity was no longer secured, danger lurked in the corners, capable of snatching any one of us away without a second thought.

So yes, you understand that it’s her just worried that you were going to end up like your brother (dead) but worse because you hadn’t experience real love like he did. But truthfully, in your head, if you were going to die unexpectedly then it was better that you weren’t attached to someone. Why would you want them to go through that?

‘’I think they just want to talk about Velaris. You told them that Velaris needed them.’’

You scoffed ‘’Because it’s true, you know this.’’

‘’Yes but apparently they don’t. Which is why, I think you should go with a plan.’’

‘’A plan?’’

It ended up being more like a list (your brother would be proud). A list of all the troubles you knew some of your neighbours were experiencing, of some of the unsafe things you’ve observed while walking down the Sidra many times ago. A list of all the things they’ve missed while doing whatever it is that they do when there is not a war.

With this list, you will tell them just how much Velaris needs some reconstruction, some hope.

You had no idea if this was truly what they wanted from you but after being told 14 times that ‘’No, they’re not gonna kill you silently in a library’’, you figured it was better than going empty handed.

It makes sense, I guess, you thought the next day. The day before the meeting would take place. You edited the list about 4 times, erasing and adding, scratching and ‘’Should I put them in order of priority?’’ ‘’No, let them figure that out by themselves’’.

Every time you glanced at the list, you would remember the hazel eyes. Would he be there? Would Azriel think your list is stupid? Would he think you’re pathetic for entertaining the idea of the inner circle needing you? Would he stare at you like he did back in your office? A little bit of amusement in his beautiful eyes. Or would he not spare you a second glance? Protecting his high lord and lady from the crazy drunk female with a list.

All of these thoughts flying back and forth in your mind that night as you stared at your backyard in silence, a glass of wine in hand. In a couple of hours, you’d be making your way to The Library and Mother knows what will happen.

The backyard was a mess. Shortly after finding your job at the music shop, you found a nice little house with a big backyard.

‘’I���ll help you turn it into a nice patio where you can invite your friends and play some music out there’’. Your brother had said after you told him how you liked the house but the backyard was too big for you.

Over time, both of you had come up with a design plan of what to do with it, how to turn it around for you. In paper, it was a beautiful masterpiece and you couldn’t wait till it turned into reality. You bought the materials needed for it and waited for your brother so you could start together.

Years later, the materials still lay in the middle of the yard, waiting.

Hybern took your brother, your dreams and your backyard with it.

You knew you could hire someone to do it, honestly you knew you could it yourself (it would take time and lots of patience) or with your sister-in-law but…this was something you wanted to do with your brother. Picking up a single thing without him didn’t seem right.

Alas, your yard was a mess, leaving it like this didn’t also seem right (your neighbors would agree).

‘’Tomorrow’’ you whispered. Tomorrow you would start fixing it, you had to.

If you survived that meeting, there was no way you were going to keep leaving it like a mess. And as you continued to ponder, this whole encounter with the inner circle struck you with one thing.

After the war, they had moved on but not you. For them, life kept going but you, you were stuck. And your backyard was proof of that.

You were not going to stand by that anymore, you were going to fix it.

And so the next morning, you told Sabrina to take over the shop for a few hours and made your way to The Library. During the walk, you hyped yourself up with some words of affirmation you read about in a book once, back when the wound of losing your brother was still fresh and there were no healers available to talk about your pain. You indulged in self-help books, not that they made a huge difference but it was something.

You’re strong (sometimes).

You’re capable of doing amazing things (chaotic ones too apparently).

You matter (we’ll see how much to these faes, really).

Unknowingly to you, you failed to notice you were being followed. Tendrils of shadows following your every move as you made your way to the meeting.

Shadows that were reporting back to their master, who was at The Library waiting for your arrival.

Nervous. Nervous.

They whispered to him. And quietly to himself, Azriel chuckled. He figured you would be. If your encounter with him would be an indication of how this meeting will go, he knew one thing for sure: you were going to be terrified, but you weren’t going to back down.

He was impressed. Not a lot of things impressed him anymore, specially after everything he’s been through. Over the years, he has felt that his reputation and his true self blended into one another but not by choice.

He knew his job required it but his personal life? He didn’t want his reputation to dictate that as well. And in his opinion, he had made a good job with it well until the Archeron sisters stumbled into their lives. Now, to be quite frankly with himself, sometimes Azriel felt like he didn’t even know who he was anymore.

Kind? Yes, he was kind with his family, with the people who he walked by on the streets (they fear him, so he tries his best okay).

Serious? Yes, sometimes. There’s always a time and place for it.

Funny? He wasn’t a complete goofball like Cassian but he had a sense of humor.

Compassionate? He takes care and protects his family and his court. He makes sure they have everything they need, so yes, he is very compassionate.

But Rhysand and Cassian had all of those qualities as well, so really, what made him…him? What made Azriel, Azriel?

It drove him mad. How is it that he’s a 500+year old male and he is questioning these things? How did he let himself go so easily? Was it after or before Under The Mountain? After or before Rhys and Cassian met their mates? After he struggled to find his?

Here. Here.

The shadows whispered.

Finally, you made it.

Looking over at Rhys and Feyre who were chatting quietly to each other in the room, he spoke ‘’She’s here.’’

It was Feyre who smiled, a bit nervous but said ‘’I’ll get her’’. Giving her mate a quick kiss, she left the room leaving him with Rhysand and Cassian.

The three males looked at each other. Cassian with a smirk on his face, excited for the meeting. He was looking forward to seeing the female who had pointed a finger at his superiors and told them off without looking back. ‘’Reminds me of Nes’’, he had said.

Rhys had his ‘’I’m a not a mean high lord’’ face or trying to at least. He wanted the meeting to go well, for Feyre and Velaris’ sake. The thought that he wasn’t doing a good job to protect and take care of this city, one of the most important things in his life, his freaking job; had frightened him.

There were very few times in his life where he had felt like that so intensely: after losing his mom and sister, when he got stuck UTM, losing Feyre to Tamlin, almost losing Feyre when she give birth, and now this. Failure scared the shit out of him.

Azriel knew this, he could see it in his eyes and that’s why he was, once again, impressed by you. You managed to do that, even if you didn’t know it.

‘’This way, this is one of the meeting rooms the Library has. We figured it was the most comfortable one.’’ They heard Feyre talking to you.

‘’Right’’. He wondered if you had bowed to her, he would’ve loved to see that.

He stood behind Rhys, Cassian on his other side and waited for the females to walk in. And just when they did, he struggled to keep his amused smile off his face.

You were trying to not look terrified, but they all knew you were. Your widened eyes taking everything in, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your long skirt, hair in a high ponytail just a bit ruffled, like you kept touching it out of habit and yet…you still managed to bring a smile on his face.

So pretty, he thought.

‘’High Lord’’ you quickly made a bow and were going to make another one to Azriel and Cassian when you were stopped.

‘’That’s not necessary. Come, sit. We’re glad to have you here.’’ Rhys said with an encouraging smile.

And so, it began.

It wasn’t what you excepted at all.

You thought there was going to be a big and long desk to create distance between you and them, perhaps big chairs for them to sit at while you had to stay standing at the other end of the room. Instead, this room was pretty…homey? Surrounded by many books, the room had a seating area that consisted of lounge chairs and a pretty looking comfortable sofa. Feyre said it was a meeting room but it just looked like a cozy reading room to you. There was no desk, just a coffee table in the middle.

This is not formal, you thought. This whole setting screamed ‘’We don’t want to scare you, lets just talk’’. And with that thought, you felt a bit (truly just a tiny bit) more relaxed as you took a seat in one of the chairs.

Rhysand and Feyre taking a seat on the sofa, Azriel and Cassian standing behind them (as if you were going to do anything to harm them, laughable really).

You finally looked at him, at Azriel. Your heart beating just a tad quicker when he looked at you back.

Those damn eyes of his, you thought.

‘’We invited you here because want to hear more of what you have to say’’

So, your sister-in-law was right then. But still, just to make sure, you asked:

‘’About?’’

Rhys turned to you then. ‘’About Velaris. You mentioned how we’ve failed to take care of the citizens of the city. Please, enlighten us.’’

Azriel stiffened a little at his tone. He continued to look at you, sending you what he hoped was an encouraging look. Don’t back out, he wanted to say.

You weren’t looking at him anymore though. Although his body language said otherwise, Rhys’ tone let you know just how serious this was to him.

Good.

With a nod, you cleared your throat and took out the list. ‘’Well, I made a list-‘’

Cassian couldn’t help himself and he laughed out loud but quickly recovered when he felt Rhys’ glare.

Meanwhile Feyre, sharing Cassian’s sentiment, smiled and said ‘’Perfect. Tell us everything.’’

You practiced what you were going to say, how you were going to say it, really you did but it all went out the window in that very second. They were all looking at you, waiting.

You tried to recover quickly, to try and forget about the fact of who were these faes, to tell yourself that this was just another yap session with Sabrina. Don’t back down, you can do this, you thought.

‘’This year will be the fifth year since we were attacked by Hybern.’’

Everyone stiffened. You continued:

‘’We never ever expected our city to get attacked, this was always such a safe space and after that it just didn’t feel the same.’’

‘’We fixed that quickly, placed more wards around the city ensuring safety for everyone’’ Rhys quickly defended.

‘’Yes but what about after?’’

Rhysand raised an eyebrow ‘’Compensation was given to those who lost homes and belongings, to rebuild what they lost’’.

‘’But you can’t buy grief.’’

Rhysand stopped his defensive stance and swallowed. Feyre placing a hand on his knee, never taking her eyes off you.

‘’You gave them money to buy to stuff, to fix stuff but what about our pain?’’ Shit, you didn’t want to make it personal.

‘’You expect us to get attacked and then continue like nothing happened. To go on with our days, pretending to be perfect. ‘’

And that was what truly bothered you out of everything, the list be damned. This, this is what made your blood boil like no other.

‘’ Velaris is the city of dreams, a safe haven right? Everyone should be happy, accomplished, grateful because we were safe from Aramantha right?’’

You failed to notice how their breaths faltered at that name, too riled up to notice.

‘’Don’t get me wrong, we are extremely grateful for that, that we didn’t experience that horror. But we experienced others and are we not allowed to cry? To grief?’’

‘’Of course you are!’’ Rhys, once again. This was extremely personal to him.

‘’It doesn’t feel like it! It’s been 5 years and not once has this city mourned what we’ve lost, the people we lost! It was swept under the rug, never to speak of again like it never happened. People feel like they cant talk about it, that we can’t complain about anything because it seems weak, because we’re meant to be the perfect little city that can do no wrong.’’

Cassian lowered his head, this isn’t what he was expecting to hear.

Azriel felt his heart hurt at every word you said, quickly trying to find solutions in his brain that could help with this.

‘’This is what I mean, you want us to continue to be a perfect Velaris but we will never be the same. We are not perfect!’’ Your heart was beating incredibly fast and hard, your face turning red with anger, despair, pain.

So much pain, you could feel it right now. All the emotions you had felt the second you saw your brother’s lifeless body came back to you. Because you had found him, under all the debris that had fallen after the attack where a building had fell on him. So much pain because he was taken away, his body just another number. His ashes given to you in a small urn because they couldn’t even give him a proper burial at a gravesite.

There were no goodbyes, no way to keep his memory alive. Those who knew him, sent you small smiles recognizing the pain your family was going through but that was it, no one had dared to speak about it. But you wanted to, you wanted everyone to remember the amazing male your brother was, that those who didn’t know him, would learn of all the cool things he had done.

But no one was talking about it, about the traumatic experience they all had gone through, and you didn’t understand why until you saw the High Lord shoving (figuratively speaking) money in their faces so they could buy what they needed.

And that’s fine, no one was complaining about that, but it felt like a slap in the face. It felt like a ‘’here, don’t talk about it and be done with it’’.

And you knew, you 100% knew that you weren’t the only one who felt that way.

No one spoke for what seemed like hours.

‘’Velaris needs more healers. Accessible healers that could help us beyond the physical’’.

Clearing her throat and straightening her posture, Feyre finally spoke up. ‘’Yes, I agree. We know who could help us with that.’’

‘’I’m sorry’’.

Your eyes widened once again, you couldn’t believe what had just left the high lord’s mouth.

‘’I’m sorry. I-‘’He stuttered, the freaking high lord stuttered. ‘’I didn’t know this is how you feel, I didn’t realize I was putting this pressure on my people.’’

He swallowed, you couldn’t look away from his stare. His violet eyes seemed darker with the sadness that was in them.

‘’You lost someone and I’m sorry’’

You never ever expected this to happen. You expected skepticism from them yes but an apology? It was years late and for some, might not mean shit but to you, to you it meant something. Even if this apology wouldn’t bring your brother back, it meant something.

Azriel looked at Rhys the second he apologized; he was also surprised at this. He knew how important this was to Rhys, it was important to him as well, if it involves Velaris, it concerns him as well. Therefore, he’s happy this is the approach Rhys is taking, he’s listening, and he knows he’ll do anything to make it right.

And so will he.

‘’Since it will be the fifth year, I reckon there should finally be a Remembrance Day. A day to remember all the lives that were lost in Velaris. We should honor them, grieve and celebrate their memories.’’

Were you hallucinating? Did your heart beat so fast it made you start hearing things or did that really come out of Rhysand’s mouth?

Feyre looked at his mate, a proud smile, soft gaze on her face. She squeezed his knee and looked back at you. ‘’I agree. Will you help us to make it happen?’’

Azriel was one second away from picking you up and taking you to a healer. Your face had gone from red, to stricken white to red once again. He was sure your blood pressure was going through it, your expressions not hiding anything.

‘’Me?’’ you whispered. They wanted to work with you? They wanted you to help them?

Rhysand smiled, his charming ways coming out. ‘’Absolutely, who else?’’

An olive branch. They were trying, they wanted to fix it. They wanted to hear everything you had to say, to go item by item of your list and come up with solutions.

You don’t know how this was going to play out, how it was going to freaking work but you figured that if you’ve gone all the way to speak your heart and mind, you couldn’t back out now.

You were going to do it for Velaris, for your brother.

Azriel knew the minute you made your decision, he could see the determination on your face and he smiled, a true smile. He decided then that he would make sure you had anything you need, whatever thing you wanted, he would for you.

He was going to do it for his court, for his people.

And if it meant he would get to see you more often then, he wasn’t going to pass up that opportunity as well.

[lvnleah]

003. | this isn’t right

word count: 2.2k

find the masterlist here!

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October 15th 2023 | 15 weeks pregnant.

Your eyes fluttered open as Leah’s alarm blared from the bedside table beside you. She lifted her arm from where it was draped over your stomach and reached over for her phone, turning the alarm off.

“Morning love,” she whispered, placing a kiss on your temple once she saw you were awake, “sorry my alarm woke you up.”

“It’s okay,” you mumbled, your eyes closing shut for a moment again.

As your eyes reopened, nausea hit you once again like it had done every morning for the past fifteen weeks. You tried to swallow the feeling down and let it pass but it didn’t.

You threw the duvet off of your body as quickly as you could before running into the ensuite that you and Leah had. The cool tiles of the bathroom floor met your bare feet as you stumbled in, one hand pressed against your mouth. The nausea intensified, starting to already overwhelm you.

Leah followed closely behind you and you fell in front of the toilet. You leaned over the toilet, emptying the contents of your stomach until there was nothing left. Leah held your hair back, her fingers soothing against your scalp as she ran her hand up and down your back.

You thought by now the morning sickness would’ve passed like everyone said it would but it hadn’t. It was controlling your life. Your diet was plain and beige and any time you did eat or drink, you were sick soon after it.

All you felt like you were doing was constantly sleeping and being sick. You’d been to see your doctor multiple times who’d given you different anti-sickness tablets to try but none of them seemed to work.

“You’re so so well, pretty girl,” Leah encouraged you, “Can I get you anything?”

You managed a weak shake of your head, your throat raw from the repeated retching. Leah's unwavering presence was both a comfort and a burden. She needed to get ready for training, but here she was, tending to you. Guilt ate away at you.

“Le, you need to get ready,” you murmured, head resting in your hands as you finally got a break.

Leah shook her head, “No, you and our bubba our more important,” she sternly said, “Jonas knows our situation, he knows you’re struggling, if I’m late then I’ll just explain.”

Twenty minutes later, you were finally able to tear yourself away from the toilet. Leah helped you into the living room, flicking the TV on before draping the blankets over you.

Leah made you some dry toast and water, two of the few things that you could stomach. You sat on the couch together and watched some TV before Leah got ready for training.

“Right pretty girl, I’m off,” Leah smiled as she leaned down to kiss you on the sofa, “Our ultrasounds at four right?” She double-checked.

You nodded, “Yeah it is, I’m hoping I’ll be able to get something better for this morning sickness.”

“We’ll talk to the doctor,” Leah nodded. She hesitated for a moment, her eyes searching for yours. “Promise me you’ll call if you need anything.”

“I promise.” You pressed your lips to hers. “Have a good day, tell Beth I say hi.”

“I love you,” her hand dropped down to your bump as she leaned down to place a kiss on your stomach, “I love you little Gooner, be good for you Mummy.”

You smiled, “I love you too.”

Leah left, and you curled up under the blanket, praying the nausea would pass. But it clung to you like a shadow, refusing to let go. You closed your eyes and soon fell into a deep sleep, catching up on the sleep you’d missed out on last night.

A few hours later, you were woken up by Leah. Her hands ran up and down your legs as you laid on the sofa, your hair in a mess as it laid all over your face.

“Hey,” she whispered, brushing your hair back. “How are you feeling now?”

You sat up, and the room spun. “Better, I think. What time is it?”

Leah’s brow furrowed. “You sure? It’s three o’clock, pretty girl.”

You nodded, but your stomach still churned, “shit, I’ve been asleep all day. I’m so tired, the nausea is still there but I haven’t been sick since you left.”

“That’s good, love,” Leah smiled, sitting down beside you and placing your legs on her thighs, “and don’t feel bad about doing nothing, you’re growing a baby. That ain’t nothing.”

You rubbed the sleep away from your eyes, “I’ve slept the whole day away! The flat is a mess, Le.”

She rubbed your ankles calmly, “Hey, don’t stress, it’s fine. We’ve got an hour until we need to be at the doctors so why don’t you go get yourself ready and I’ll tidy.”

You sat up and nodded your head, “Okay, I love you so much.” Your emotions washed over you quickly and you felt tears building up in your eyes, “What did I do to deserve you?”

Leah laughed, using the pad of her thumb to wipe away a stray tear that had fallen, “Don’t cry, pretty girl! You’re doing amazing, I’m proud of you. I know how things are tough right now but I’m proud of you.”

“Don’t make me cry even more!” You warned, pointing your index finger at her. “Stupid fucking hormones!”

You leaned over and pecked Leah’s lips before wandering off into your bedroom and getting yourself ready. As you were doing your makeup, a wave of nausea washed over you.

Dropping everything, you dashed to the bathroom before throwing yourself down beside the toilet. You empty the little contents that your stomach contained, only getting a few minutes of peace before you were dry heaving.

“Woah, pretty girl,” Leah said as she entered the en-suite, she scooped your hair up into a makeshift ponytail, “sick again?”

You nodded and hummed, “I’m so sick of this, Le. I feel like it’s just dragging on now. It’s three thirty, I shouldn’t be sick!”

“I know love,” Leah nodded, “I think we should talk to the doctor about it and see what she says. I don’t want you to worry but there’s this thing, hyperemesis gravidarum, where your morning sickness lasts for longer than the usual pregnancy does. You’ve got all the symptoms, maybe we should mention it to the doctor?”

You groaned, sinking back against the cool bathroom tiles. “Hyper-what?” you mumbled, trying to focus through the haze of nausea.

“Hyperemesis gravidarum,” Leah repeated gently, keeping her voice steady. “It’s a severe form of morning sickness. I read about it last night.”

You closed your eyes, feeling tears prick at the corners. “But what if it’s something else? What if there’s something wrong with the baby?”

Leah’s hand rubbed up and down your back comfortingly. “I’m sure everything’s okay, but we need to talk to the doctor. It might mean we need to get you on some different medication or maybe even some IV fluids.”

You took a deep breath, trying to get rid of the rising panic. “I just want to feel normal again.”

Leah kissed the top of your head, her voice soothing. “We’ll get through this, I promise. One step at a time.”

You nodded, feeling the overwhelming discomfort. “Okay. I think I’m okay to get ready now.”

Leah helped you up slowly, and you leaned on her. After managing to get dressed and gather your things, you and Leah headed out to the doctor's appointment. The drive was filled with a mix of anxious silence and supportive hand squeezes from Leah as the radio played quietly in the background.

“Lovely parking, Leah.” Leah complemented herself as she reversed perfectly, “Well done.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, “you did not just compliment yourself.”

“Hell yeah, I did!” Leah smiled before getting out of the car and admiring her parking, “Look at how perfect that was!”

You got out and joined her, “Amazing babe, well done. Maybe take a photo to remember it!”

“Don’t take the mick out of me!” Leah gasped as you wandered off into the doctors.

You walked into the doctor’s office, Leah’s hand securely around yours. The familiar antiseptic smell mixed with the soft murmur of conversations from the waiting room made you feel a little uneasy.

After a short wait, a nurse called your name, and you and Leah followed her into an examination room. Dr. Thompson, your doctor, entered soon after, her kind eyes scanning the room.

“So, how are we feeling today?” she asked, her voice filled with concern.

You exchanged a glance with Leah before answering. “Not great. The nausea and vomiting have been really bad, worse than the usual morning sickness. Leah read about something called hyperemesis gravidarum.”

Dr. Thompson nodded, taking a seat and opening her notebook. “I’m glad you brought that up. Hyperemesis gravidarum can be quite challenging. We’ll discuss your symptoms and see what we can do to help.”

You described the relentless nausea, the constant trips to the bathroom, and the struggle to keep anything down. Dr. Thompson listened intently, making notes.

“Based on what you’ve told me, it does sound like you might be experiencing hyperemesis gravidarum,” she said thoughtfully. “We’ll need to run some tests to be sure, but in the meantime, I can prescribe some antiemetics and we might consider IV fluids to keep you hydrated.”

Leah’s grip on your hand tightened. “Will the baby be okay?”

Dr. Thompson smiled reassuringly. “With the right management, both you and the baby will be fine. It’s about finding what works best for you to manage the symptoms.”

You let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding. “Thank you. Are there any foods I can avoid or that will help?”

Dr. Thompson nodded. “There are some dietary adjustments you can try. Eating small, frequent meals can help, and bland foods like crackers, plain rice, and toast are often easier to tolerate. Ginger tea or ginger chews might also ease the nausea. Avoid greasy, spicy, or acidic foods as they can make the symptoms worse.”

Leah gave you a supportive smile. “We’re already stocked up on all the bland foods.”

You chuckled, appreciating her attempt to lighten the mood. “Guess I’m going to follow your plain and beige diet!”

Dr. Thompson handed you a pamphlet. “This has more tips on managing hyperemesis. Don’t hesitate to call if your symptoms get worse or if you have trouble keeping fluids down. Are you ready to see your baby?”

You and Leah both nodded before you laid back on the examination table. You hadn’t seen your baby since your first ultrasound so you were both intrigued as to what they’d look like at 15 weeks.

Dr. Thompson dimmed the lights in the room and wheeled over the ultrasound machine. She applied a cool gel to your abdomen and began moving the transducer gently over your belly. The monitor flickered to life, revealing grainy shadows and then, suddenly, a clearer image emerged.

"There's your little one," Dr. Thompson said warmly, pointing to the screen. "And there's the heartbeat." She zoomed in, showing you the tiny flutter of movement that indicated a strong heartbeat.

Leah gasped softly, her eyes welling up with tears. "Oh wow," she whispered. "Look at them."

You couldn't help but smile, feeling a surge of emotion as you watched your baby wiggle and squirm on the screen. Their little arms and legs were just beginning to form, and it was a miraculous sight.

"They look healthy," Dr. Thompson commented, tracing a measurement on the screen. "And it seems like they're quite active already, you should start to feel some movements in the next few weeks.”

You smiled at Leah, “When can we find out the gender?” Leah asked.

“I can tell now but I’m not a hundred percent sure so it may be incorrect,” Dr. Thompson said, “I’d say around twenty weeks I’ll be able to correctly tell.”

“Sounds perfect.” You nodded, “They’ve grown so much.”

You left the clinic, clutching the ultrasound image of your baby. Leah couldn’t tear her eyes away from it once again and as soon as you were home, it was hung up on your fridge with your other ultrasound picture.

“I’m so tired,” you yawned as Leah laid down on the couch, pulling you down to lay on top of her, “I feel like I could sleep for years!”

Leah laughed as you rested your head on her chest, her hand absentmindedly falling to your small bump, “Why don’t you take a nap, pretty girl. It’s been a rough day for you.”

You nodded before leaning up and kissing Leah’s jawline. Your eyelids grew heavy and Leah draped a blanket over both of you. You felt Leah’s warmth beside you, her heartbeat like a lullaby for you. As Leah gently stroked your hair, her touch soothing and comforting, you nestled closer to her.

"I love you," you whispered softly, your words barely audible in the quiet of the room.

Leah pressed a tender kiss to the top of your head. "I love you too, pretty girl."

With her arms wrapped protectively around you, You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to fall asleep. The steady rise and fall of Leah's chest beneath you, the comforting touch of her hand on your belly where your baby nestled, lulled you into a deep, restful slumber.

[writingsonsaturn]

lucy taking care of sick reader!!!

lucy and r aren’t dating yet, but they aren’t just friends either. when r doesn’t come into work one day, and no one (besides grey) has heard from her, lucy goes straight to her house when she goes out on patrol. she stops in throughout the day after finding out that r is like beyond sick.

maybe a little scene where r lays her head in lucy’s lap and lucy run her hands through readers hairrrrrr oh my

lovesick - lucy chen

{ masterlist }

🪐: im still trying to find my writing style, so hopefully this is okay and fits what you wanted!! <3

word count: 982

content warning: sickness (flu like), just fluff

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

You woke up with a throbbing head and a clogged up nose. Originally, you thought you could power through it and suck it up long enough to finish a shift, but the moment you stood upright your world became disoriented. 

Doing your best to breath through the dizziness, you reached over for your phone to call into work. Grey practically pleaded with you to stay home when you mentioned you would come into work if you needed to, “you have more than enough sick days, use them and keep your ass out of my station.” You just sighed and agreed, saying your goodbyes when he wished you to get better soon.

Without much thought to it you passed back out on your warm comfy bed, hoping sleep would rid you of the constant pain your brain was forcing you to endure.

Lucy checked her watch when she got in, thinking maybe you were just late or had been caught in some early morning traffic. As the time ticked away she decided maybe it would be best to text you, and when she didn't get an answer her thoughts ran around her head like an athlete competing in a race that would determine if they go farther into their season. 

She opted to check in on you when she was out on patrol, getting into her squad car and making you her first check up of the day, praying to whatever could hear her that you were there and okay.

Pulling up to your apartment she felt a ping in her chest, she wasn’t sure why she was so worried about you. You guys weren't exactly a couple, but the others would argue that you two were basically already married, you both would laugh it off and call the team crazy, still continuing the narrative that you two were just ‘friends”. 

Lucy knew better than that though, she knew you were the first person she called when she was having a rough night and needed a warm bed to share with someone, you were the first she told about good news, you are the only person she truly, and deeply loved with every living and beating part of her body.

She grabbed the key you had given her for the nights she needed someone, after the Rosalind situation you forced her to promise you that no matter the time of night or day she would come over whenever she needed to. Lucy wouldn’t say she now abused the fact she had a key to your place, but it was used more than her own key to her apartment at this point.

“Y/n?” Lucy called out, she heard the faint sound of a groan coming from your bedroom, alerting her of your presents. “Hey, are you oka-” Her words were paused by the sight of you, your skin was shining with sweat and you were cramped in a fetal position. “My love, what happened?” she quickly came over to you touching your forehead, flinching at how warm it felt compared to her skin.

You only groaned and rolled over, “i really don't feel good luce.”

You tried your best to explain all your symptoms, but your scratchy throat only allowed for so much irritation before you were in a coughing fit. Lucy rubbed your back gently, doing her best to coax you through your attack, “Here let’s get you out of this stuffy room, and on the couch, yeah?” she encouraged. You nodded leisurely and threw your arm over her shoulder, allowing her to help you to your living room.

Quickly, Lucy put anything and everything you could possibly need besides the toilet in arms reach. “Before I leave, do you need absolutely anything else, babe?”  you only smiled at her with droopy eyelids, “No, but i wish you didn’t need to leave” you pouted at her causing her to smile. 

“Call me or text me if you need me, I'll be here in an instant.”

And then she was gone, you continued to pout until her next check up with you during lunch. “Okay, love, i brought you some chicken noodle soup and some cough syrup” she set the soup in front of you with cold water and a pre-measured cap of medicine. “Thank you, love” you croaked out, “You don’t have to thank me” she replied while helping you get in an upright position so you could comfortably eat your food and take the disgusting medicine.

“I'll be back after my shift, and remember to call-” “call you if i need anything, i know, honey.” you finished her sentence, she left you with a quick kiss on your forehead.

After eating and forcing yourself to down the medicine you fell back asleep, you woke up a handful of times with the constant tossing and turning, and being too hot or too cold. You finally decided you had slept enough and reached for the tv remote, aimlessly flipping through channels.

You heard the door click and a smile began to grow on your face, “sorry i'm late! Traffic has been just awful today” Lucy explained, taking her shoes off and sitting her to-go bag on the counter. “It’s okay hon.” you looked at her as she sat down. 

“How are you feeling?” Lucy asked you, as you laid your head down on her lap looking up at her, “I've certainly been better” you joked. 

She reached her soft fingers to rake through your hair, massaging your scalp, aiding the headache that had been attacking your head all day long. “Well i'm here now, darling” she looked down at you, soothingly rubbing your forehead, lulling you to sleep. 

She gave herself an imaginary pat on the back at getting you to sleep so quickly, making a mental note that maybe when you get better she’ll finally take you on a long awaited date.

[justaz]

had a vision from god when i woke this morning of merlin and arthur in balinor's cave and it was set in my au i talked about an eternity ago of merlin not knowing that balinor was his father and arthur being awake as they questioned him so both merlin and arthur knew that balinor was merlin's father which made merlin the next dragonlord. anyways merlin is like "help camelot?" and balinor is like "no. let em burn." and merlin is like "but...life!" and balinor is like "no. i had a family before all this. a brother. a sister. parents. nieces and nephews. a wife. a daughter. uther took it all. let kilgharrah take it all from him."

and merlin is like "a daughter? like...my sister?" and then has to step outside for a moment. arthur follows him and sits with him like "i'm sorry :(" all guilty bc baby boy takes on the weight of his father's sins and merlin is just like >:( about the situation, not necessarily at arthur. arthur thinks its at arthur. arthur tries to tell merlin to stay with balinor because a) if merlin stays out of camelot then uther can't kill him and b) merlin probably doesn't want to help anyways so arthur can't possible ask him to-

merlin slaps arthur's arm and scowls at him before going "don't be stupid, idiot." and then goes back to the cave with arthur in tow and asks his father once more to help. balinor refuses. merlin tears him a new one. i won't put everything merlin says here but it essentially boils down to "fighting fire with fire only makes the flames burn brighter. you're perpetuating the cycle of violence rather than changing anything. you're just like uther." and then storms out, telling his father to rot in his cave, alone and hunted like an animal, while merlin actually does something to help.

balinor and arthur stand there for a moment, stunned. just as arthur is leaving, balinor calls out to him. he hands arthur the ambrosius family sigil and is like "give this to him." its been dirtied from years on the run and balinor has to explain that the dragonlord families were once nobility. arthur looks at balinor and is like "you'd trust me with this?" knowing balinor's hate for uther. balinor stares back for a moment, griefstriken for a long lost friend and murmurs "you look just like your mother...i pray you have her heart and not his" and his words strike like a killing blow to arthur who stumbles out after merlin all the way back to camelot to deal with the dragon

[minniesmutt]

♱ ━━━━━━ 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋: 𝐋𝐄𝐓'𝐒 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐍 

♱ ━━━ CONTENT: INDIRECT MENTIONS OF MURDER, GUN MENTIONS, THREATS ON READERS LIFE, MENTION OF PROSTITUTES, STD MENTIONS, NON-SEXUAL NUDITY, FINGERING, EXHIBITIONISM/VOUYERISM, QUICKIE, PROTECTED SEX ♱ ━━━ WC: 2.6K ♱ ━━━ PAIRING: CHAN X READER ♱ ━━━ 18+ work!! minors and ageless/blank blogs DNI! you will be blocked, put an indicator on your blog somewhere that you are 18+ before interacting with this work/blog ♱ ━━━ a repost from my old blog

     “So, I fucked a mafia boss?”

     “More or less,” Changbin replied

     “That’s kinda hot,” Y/n shrugged

     “Congrats Chan, you didn’t scare her off,” Seungmin gave the leader a thumbs-up

     “Can I get an explanation on the ‘Chan’ part? That’s the thing throwing me off.”

     “Did you tell you his name was Chris?” Felix asked

     “That’s what Changbin and I heard last night, or, early this morning?” Jisung stated

     “That’s embarrassing, damn.” Y/n sighed

     “I can kick them out still,” Chan told her, praying she’d tell him too

     “No, I want more of an explanation.”     Y/n was persistent, that was for sure. Felix took to explaining the current situation; alias’, how they all met, fell into crime and violence together, etc. Leaving out what they actually had done and what they did every day. The club front and mentioned a few others they had because eight people running one club were suspicious.

     “Wow, okay that’s a lot,” Y/n sighed, taking in the information she had just given

     “Chan,” Changbin said

     “Yeah. You guys get to work.”     The words left his lips and the seven guys made their way out of the penthouse, leaving the two. Chan sighed and turned from where he stood next to the counter to stand between her thighs, hands pressing against the cold counter. Y/n wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer.

     “I didn’t plan to tell you any of this,” Chan brought one hand up to hold her chin between his thumb and pointer finger

     “Is this the part where you tell me I can’t go back to my regular life? That I know too much?” Y/n was half joking. She’d read a couple of mafia lover books before, if they were anything like real life, she could guess what was coming.

     “You either stay with us or we make you disappear.” The look in his eyes was serious. Y/n just smiled at him.

     “You know, normal people don’t smile when their life is on the line,” Chan notified her

     “Well, guess I’m not normal then. You’re stuck with me.”

     “Y/n, please tell me you’ve thought this through.”

     “What? Stay with a hot gang leader who’s very sweet and has some funny friends who are equally as attractive or die?”

     “You’d be giving up you’re whole life, friends and all, princess. We can’t risk you running to the police.”

     “Chrissy, babe. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m not entirely right in the head. I don’t think a sane person would be as calm as I am about this whole thing. I swear I won’t go to the police or tell my friends about this. Most they will know if you’re a club owner and ask for free drinks. Do you want me to make a blood oath to you or something?”

     “No, you don’t need to go that far. It’s… It’s a lot more than me.”

     His head dropped as well as his hand. Laying on her thigh, “You wouldn’t be the first person we’ve brought into this. It usually doesn’t end well when they agree to stay.” 

     “Hey,” Y/n grabbed his face and made him look at her, “What aren't you telling me?”

     “Besides that, my friends are just as smitten with you as I am, if you stay with us you are going to get caught up in everything.”

     “That seems like a given. But I think eight hot men are good bodyguards.”

     “Just how fucked is that pretty little head of yours?”

     “I'm sure you'll figure it out soon,” Y/n pulled him in for a kiss.

     Chan laughed a bit as he kissed her back, gripping her hips, and pulled her closer to the ledge of the counter. Y/n pressed her torso up against his bare chest, hands wandering down to his shoulders and gripping his biceps. “You sure you wanna stay?” Chan pulled away from her lips.

     “Yes, Chris. Now stop worrying and fuck me again.” 

     Chan smiled, “You know, the guys are gonna want you too, right?” he leaned in and kissed down her neck

     “I don’t mind getting passed around,” Y/n chuckled, “But can you share?”

     “I can,” Chan answered, snaking and hand from her hips to under his shirt.

     He pushed his finger between her folds and let his thumb slowly run circles along her clit. Y/n laid her head back on the cabinet behind her as he pushed two fingers inside of her, slowly pumping them in and out of her.

     “Fuck Chrissy.”

     “Love when you call me that,” His voice was muffled against her neck. 

     “Chan! Do you not have you’re fucking phone on you!” Minho’s voice rang

     Chan sighed, not once even stopping his ministrations on her, “What is it now?”

     “Felix got into the cameras at the docs. A bunch of lower-grade thugs go—” Minho walked into the kitchen, “Before I go further, what are we doing with her?”

     “She’s staying with us,” Chan didn’t miss the smirk on his friend’s face.

     “Well, lower-grade thugs got their hands on some bigger-grade guns and ballistics—” Minho explained the situation but Y/n wasn’t paying much attention as Chan slipped a third finger into her and pressed harder on her clit. Chan’s attention wasn’t even on her anymore, he was fully involved in his conversation with Minho. She bit her lower lip to keep her moans at bay.

     “Don’t be quiet on the count of me kitten,” Minho stated, smirk returning to his face.

     Her eyes flickered over to the other man. The moment she caught his gaze, she clenched around Chan’s fingers. Minho’s eyes drifted across her body as he continued speaking with Chan. Eyes lingering just a tad too long on her exposed thighs. 

     “Find the guys and call me, I’ll handle it from there.”

     “You going to have your phone on you this time?”

     “Yes, now go.” 

     Minho smiled, leaving the two of them. Chan turned his attention back to the woman in front of him. His lips went back to her neck while his fingers picked up the pace inside her. 

     “You like being watched when you’re getting fucked,” Chan chuckled 

     “Don’t know what you mean.” His fingers left her seconds later, making her whine

     “I felt you clamp around my fingers when Minho walked in. Don’t play dumb,” Chan pulled himself out of his pants.

     “I could say the same for you. You didn’t stop fingering me when you were talking to him,” Y/n added as he opened a drawer and rummaged around before pulling out a condom, “Do you just conveniently keep condoms in your kitchen?”

     “You never know where you’re gonna fuck, might as well be prepared,” Chan smiled as he tore open the wrapper, rolling the rubber onto his cock

     “Thought you didn’t bring others home.”

     “Princess, we’ve all used prostitutes before,” Chan explained as he pulled her down from the counter, turning her around so his back was against his chest.

     Before she could even comment, Chan pushed into her in one fell swoop. Y/n let a high-pitched moan fall from their throat as leaned forward, putting her hands on the counter in front of her. Chan smiled, holding onto her hips and leaning forward, “So pretty,” he whispered against her neck

     He pulled back and thrusted back into her, not at a slow pace but also not at a fast pace. His lips left kisses along her neck, hands traveling away from her hips and pushing the t-shirt up. 

     “Faster,” Y/n groaned as his hands groped her breasts. 

     “Not yet princess,” Chan chuckled and his fingers tweaked her nipples

     Y/n gripped the marbled counter as her head hung low, deep shallow breaths falling from her lips, slightly pushing herself back onto him, meeting his steady thrusts. 

     “Trying to fuck yourself on me, Princess?” Chan gave her one rough thrust that stopped all thoughts in her head

     Chan was quick to learn last night the effect he might have had on her. Now he was certain of it and it made him smile. 

     He stood straight behind her and grabbed her hips again. He pulled back to the tip and quickly and roughly fucked back into her. Laughing at the curses that fell from her mouth. One hand moved down from her hips to rub her clit. The bit of pressure made her walls clamp around him and the knot in her stomach tightened faster between his thrusts and his fingers.

     Chan’s thrusts were making it hard for her to do— let alone think of —anything. Hands slipping from the counter a bit, taking Chan’s notice. He moved his other hand up from her hip up to the column of her throat. He had a loser hold there as he pulled her back against his chest. Y/n grabbed onto his arm to ground herself, just a little.

     “Even prettier like this,” Chan chuckled before she came undone on his cock. Chan thrusted up a few more times before coming in the condom. 

     Both caught their breaths before Chan pulled out and tossed the condom in the garbage. Y/n leaned against the counter before she was scooped up into his arms and carried back into the large bedroom. 

     “Don’t forget your phone or Minho will kill you,” Y/n giggled as he brought her into the bathroom 

     “I’d like to see him try,” Chan replied. He set her down on the counter before turning on the facet in the tub. Chan stepped out momentarily and came back with both their phones. 

     “Oh shit. Where was mine?” Y/n asked

     “On the floor in your bag by my bed,” Chan answered

     “Didn’t know I dropped it last night. Whoops,” Y/n grabbed her barely alive phone to check her messages 

     “We were both busy,” Chan smiled as he kissed her neck before going back to fix the bath for them. 

Karina: Im so fucking pissed. That dick was terrible last night and now I’m hungover as fuck Seana: I’m assuming none of us came last night then Karina: probably not Y/n? Did you go home with anyone last night

     It was pretty obvious that her two friends she was hanging out with had just gotten home. “Am I allowed to tell my friends I fucked the club owner?” Y/n asked

     “As long as that’s all you say,” Chan replied

     Y/n smiled at him. 

Y/n: I did!  Seana: oh bitch. who? Y/n: the owner 🤭

     Chan came up and stood between her legs and watched her screen 

Karina: no way! I don’t even think the employees have seen the owner. How do you know the guy wasn’t lying? Seana: someone’s jealous 🙄 Karina: im just saying. it’s unlikely 

     “Karina seems like a bitch,” Chan noted

     “She’s been worse.” Y/n sighed

Y/n: If this penthouse is anything to the money that club brings in 👀 Seana: YOU’RE STILL THERE Y/n: He knows how to make a girl cum and I didn’t have to tell him to put a condom on. fuck yes I’m still here Karina: damn. didn’t wanna go raw 🙄 Seana: that’s why you have an std, dumbass Karina: UNCALLED FOR??? Y/n: gtg. talk later 😉 Seana: have fun babe 😉 Karina: does he have friends?

     “I stand by my previous statement,” Chan said as Y/n set her phone to the side

     “Yeah. I just keep her around for entertainment at this point.” 

     “Bath’s ready Princess.” Chan slid his hands under the t-shirt she had on

     “Join me?” Y/n asked, hands wandering down to his sweats

     “Of course,” Chan slipped the shirt off and tossed it to the ground. Y/n pushed his pants down before he took over. Y/n hopped off the counter and Chan guided her over to the tub.

     He got in first and laid back against the porcelain as she got in and laid against his chest. His arms wrapped around her body. 

     “How do you feel about working in the club?” Chan asked after a few moments

     “Gonna make me a bottle service girl?” Y/n chuckled

     “No. People talk, I need you to listen. You’ll have a front job in management as well. You’re here, I might as well put you to use,” Chan explained 

     “Being you’re fuck toy isn’t a job?”

     “You’re human, princess. Not a doll for us to play with whenever we want.”

     “What exactly would I be doing for all of you then? You mentioned the others wanting me.”

     “We haven’t explicitly talked about it, but from the way they were looking at you earlier, I figured they’d all taken a bit of an interest in you. If I’m correct and they are, you’d be shared between all of us. In return, we’ll provide you with everything you need.”

     “Like a sugar baby? That’s what this sounds like to me.”

     “Whatever you want to call it love. But, you’ll also be an informant for us. Men don't talk to us but give them a pretty face offering a drink and they’ll spill anything.”

     “But don’t sleep with the enemy? Come back to each of you every night?” 

     “Hm. Not every night. I’ll provide you with your own place in the building, we’ll all have free reign to your place as well, but you’ll have the same to our places as well. Some may be a bit more clingy than others so beware.”

     “Do you own the building too?”

     “Yes. It is usually the eight of us that just live here, but now,” Chan leaned down and kissed her shoulder, “You’ll be here.”

     “Sounds like fun.”

     Chan smiled, kissing up her neck before his phone rang. Chan got up from the tub and stepped out. He made his way over to the counter and picked up his phone. “Hello?”

     Y/n enjoyed the warm water, sinking lower. Relaxing her muscles from all they’d been through last night and this morning.

     “Alright. Get over to mine to watch Y/n, I’ll head down there.”

     Her head popped up at the mention of her name. “Where are you going?”

     “Work. Minho and Jisung are coming down to take care of you until I get back. I’m sure Minho will give you some more details on the arrangement,” Chan grabbed a towel to dry off and walked out of the room to get dressed, “I’ll have them take you to your place to pack up what you need. I should be done by the time you get back to have your new place set up,” Chan called from inside the room

     “Alrighty,” Y/n spoke, washing herself off. Chan brought in a clean t-shirt for her and cleaned up the clothes on the floor before he kissed the top of her head, “I won’t be long princess.”

     “Have fun,” Y/n replied. Chan patted the top of her head as he walked out of the bathroom. He sent a text to his two friends telling them to take her to pack her things. He made a quick stop in his closet again to grab his gun from its safe. 

     He made sure it was locked again before he left his room. Minho and Jisung walked in from the elevator. 

     “She’s still washing up,” Chan told them as he headed to the elevator. 

     “Got it, boss,” Jisung said

     “I told her about the arrangement as well.”

     Both the men smiled at the mention. They could have some fun with this.

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[nolita-fairytale]

don't you worry, there's still time | chef luca x fem!reader, feat. marcus brooks

summary: after losing his mother, marcus searches for joy and stillness in copenhagen. you and luca, who are more than happy to host, decide to take a big next step in your relationship. a oneshot from the world of 'burn your life down.'

warnings: fluff, light angst, grief, death, light smut, second person pov, swearing, danish inaccuracies, off-canon connection to the storyline of the bear.

word count: 5.8k

listen to: the playlist

a/n: wow, i missed this world! who is ready for the reveal of chef's restaurant name?! while i don't think i have the bandwidth to write another full series (nor a linear story to tell) i'm thinking of creating a second part to 'burn your life down' where we just get to drop in and see what they're up to. thoughts??

chef luca masterlist | full masterlist

After a tumultuous holiday season, it doesn’t take long for Sydney to realize that her friend is in need of a little help. A reprieve, she so kindly explained to both Marcus and Carmy when she’d proposed the idea. 

It was Sydney this time, who called Luca, knowing that she and Carmy would have to find something to do with Marcus. It wasn’t fair – that he’d lost his mom just before Thanksgiving – and they both agreed that Marcus needed to get out of dodge. Quick to act, Carmy set up a few stages in NYC for a week or so, which, while seemed to inspire Marcus, seemed to only plunge him further into a slump come Christmas. “I don’t know. I think we gotta send him on some kinda… eat, pray, love trip. The guy can only sulk on my couch for so long before I consider jumping out of the window,” Sydney says, her attempt to lighten the mood with humor still genuine. “It’s getting sad, Carm. Like… real fuckin’ sad.”

“You’re right. Uh… what about Copenhagen?” Carmy pitches with a shrug, because he knows what all consuming grief feels like. 

“Again?” she asks, uncertain of whether it’s the best choice that they could make. 

“Yeah,” Carmy shrugs in response. “Think he got a lot of it last time. Could be good for him to go back to somewhere familiar… work with Luca again. You don’t think it’s a-?”

“No I do! I just-,” Sydney hesitates, though she knows her business partner makes a good point. “Familiarity will be good for him. To be around people he can trust.”

“You want me to uh-,” Carmy begins to offer, figuring he’ll make the call. 

“Probably best if I explain the situation. Just ‘cause, you know, I know more of what’s going on… just send me his info and I’ll call later,” Sydney interjects. 

Carmy agrees with a curt nod before adding in:

“Uh… okay yeah. Yeah.”

*

You get plenty of time to prepare for Marcus’ visit, performing all kinds of fancy footwork to arrange a proper visit – a week’s worth of time spent staging and living in Copenhagen. When Luca finds out that the prolific houseboat, a chef retreat of sorts that’s always been an option for lodging, is booked for the week and a half that Marcus plans on visiting, you offer up your place without hesitation. 

The arrangement goes as follows: while Marcus stays at yours at no cost, you’ll stay with Luca for the duration of the time. 

This is how you find yourself at the massive Ikea on Dybbølsbro on a Saturday morning with Luca, in search of a set of fresh bed linens intended for guests. 

“I really should host more. And Astrid said she and Lina were planning a trip out here so… why not kill two birds with one stone?” you’d reasoned to your boyfriend, making a strong case for why you and Luca should make this little shopping trip. 

“What do you think of the blue?” Luca asks you, as you run your hand over a set of the display sheets, checking for softness. 

“Don’t know if the blue is what I’m going for. I was thinking of something warmer. Maybe a yellow or… I don’t know. I’ve kind of been into that trendy rust color as of late,” you reply with a shrug, moving onto the warmer colors. 

Luca chuckles and with a small shake of his head, he clarifies his previous questions with:

“No, I meant for me.”

“What do you mean?” you ask him curiously, his comment pulling all of your focus as you search his face for answers. “You just got new bedding.” 

And expensive ones too. 

But as your eyes follow his gaze, you realize that he’s not talking about sheets, focused on the XL Twin-sized duvets just above where the sheets messily fall along the shelf. 

“I was thinking…” Luca trails off, checking in with you before he continues, with “... maybe it’s time I get two duvets… you know… for us.” He takes a beat, and a step towards you, and you know you’ll never stand a chance against his boyish charm as one side of his mouth turns up into a smile. 

You’re no stranger to the Scandinavian duvet method – two twin duvets for one king sized bed – but it sounds like Luca’s suggestion is about way more than buying an extra duvet on this trip. 

“I want you to feel at home… at my place."

“I do,” you reply, almost instantly, a warmth spreading through your belly as you take a step towards him. 

“But I mean really… feel like it’s your home. Because it is. It could be. You know… if you want it to be,” Luca continues, this time with more insistence, a look of hopefulness in his deep blue eyes. 

“Are you… are you asking me to move in with you?” you manage to get out, your heart skipping a beat. 

“Why not? We could use this week to try it out,” he suggests so casually that you practically have to do a double take. “See how it goes while Marcus stays at your place?”

“Yeah I-... that sounds like a good plan, yeah,” you stammer out, the grin on your face undeniable as you nod enthusiastically in the middle of a goddamn furniture store. 

“Besides,” Luca says, clearing his throat as his tone changes to one that’s much more playful. “You’re an absolute blanket hog and a repeat offender at that.” Luca winks your way as you roll your eyes with a laugh in response. “This could prevent some of our silly little quarrels, don’t you think, love?” 

“Uh huh,” you sound, your face skeptical as you look his way again. “Preventative measures. Sure, babe.”

Luca chuckles before leaning down to press a chaste kiss to your lips, right then and there, in the Ikea bed linen section, the place you’ll now forever think of as the place your boyfriend asked you to move in with him.

Connection

When Marcus arrives in Copenhagen, you’ve arranged your home with the most comfort in mind, having already packed a week’s worth of things and left for Luca’s. You can only imagine what he must be going through, deciding that something like that – losing your mother – though inevitable, is your goddamn worst nightmare. 

“Marcus, 

Enjoy your stay and please reach out if you need anything. I can’t wait to meet you!”

…is the note that you leave him, along with a few morning pastries you picked up from your favorite baggeri across the street, and your number scribbled down at the bottom of the notepad. 

As Marcus arrives, his eyes drawn immediately to your note and gift, Marcus smiles to himself, noticing that you left a very nice looking bottle of wine on the counter as well. He’s moved by your generosity, considering you’ve never met, and the fact that you’re willing to take so much care, extend this much kindness to a stranger, causes a wave of softness to wash over him. 

Maybe, just maybe, he can find softness again – the last few months riddled with pain, grief, and numbness to get through the days. 

While he came here to work, encouraged by his friends that a change of scenery may do his broken heart some good, it’s the first time Marcus has had a chance to be still. His feelings of grief sit heavier here and it catches him off guard, uncertain that he’s quite ready to sit with them yet. He pushes aside the thought, focusing on exploring your home and unpacking his bags. Marcus knows how to stay busy – he’s become an expert at it by now – reminding himself that he’s got work at 5 am sharp tomorrow.

*

“A little too much, chef. Take it down by about 15 grams,” Luca directs, his voice even and sure as he inspects the balls of dough that Marcus currently shapes. 

“Yes, chef,” Marcus nods in understanding, plopping the ball of dough back on the scale to adjust the measurement. 

The two of them work like this for the rest of the morning, Luca treading carefully while keeping things professional, while Marcus buries himself in the work – something that feels good, safe, right. 

He’s missed this. While Marcus has one chef he works with directly at the restaurant, he’s the expert – the head patissier. He misses being surrounded by excellence, getting to be a student of someone who is just as driven, if not more, and inspired. It’s good, quiet, calm, yet there’s a focus and intensity in Luca’s kitchen that feels like a breath of fresh air. 

His stage trip to New York has been more of a mess than beneficial. Maybe it had been the chaos of the city, or the chaos of the chefs he was working with. Maybe it was the fact that Marcus, though hungry for a distraction, hadn’t quite been ready to walk directly into the line of fire yet.

As Marcus’ practiced hands move with the dough, there’s a newfound confidence in the way that he works that's not lost on Luca. Luca watches his friend carefully, pride swelling in his chest as his mentee makes the adjustment with ease and diligence.

“Can I join you?” Luca asks, gesturing towards Marcus' workstation. 

“‘Course, chef,” Marcus replies, his response short yet reverent. 

As Luca joins him, finding a space to the right of Marcus, he busies his hands with rolling each perfectly measured ball of dough into mini boules, ready to proof. The two of them work quietly, side by side, the air between them heavy with words unsaid. He can feel it – the weight that lays so heavily on Marcus' heart – but Luca doesn’t want to bring it up, uninterested in forcing the conversation. Especially about something so painful, something he knows that Marcus has barely begun working through. 

“Thanks, again. For uh… you know… letting me come work,” Marcus begins, momentarily checking in with Luca to gauge a reaction. 

“‘Course,” Luca replies, his answer instantaneous. “You’re welcome here any time, mate.” 

“Yeah?” Marcus asks, stealing a glance in Luca’s direction.

“Yeah,” Luca responds with a certain nod. 

“And uh… shit. I can’t thank your girlfriend enough for letting me crash at her place,” Marcus adds, as he works through his discomfort and overwhelm from the wave of feelings that begin to bubble up in his chest.

“You can thank her yourself on Saturday,” Luca brings up, excited over the fact that Marcus will not only be meeting his girlfriend, but staging at her restaurant too. “She’s really looking forward to meeting you.” 

Marcus nods slowly, his hands the only steady thing about him as he continues to focus on his work. 

“I just mean-, well, she didn’t have to-. ‘S not like either of you owed it to me or anything and I-. You guys just really came through…” Marcus trails off, wanting to make his gratitude clear. It means more to him that he can articulate so instead he settles for, “So thank you. Again.”

Luca shrugs with an aplomb about him as he returns with, “We got you, mate.” He pauses before continuing, fully aware that Marcus isn’t quite comfortable with the feelings that have presented themself in this moment. “And the way I see it, I wouldn’t have met her if it weren’t for you – for our conversation the last time you were here – so we really do owe you for it.”

This time Luca makes an effort to check in with Marcus, gauging his emotional capacity as he concludes with:

“But that’s not what any of this is about: debts, who owes who what. We were both more than happy to host you. That’s what mates are for.”

It’s not till the end of the next shift that it hits him, and Marcus finds himself sitting outside of the restaurant on a bench across the street. He’s not sure whether it’s the jet lag or the exhaustion of the 5 am start time in another time zone, but it hits him all at once, like a ton of bricks. Suddenly consumed with the feelings that he’s been trying his best to avoid, all he can do is pause, completely caught off guard by the strength of them. 

Quietly, Luca joins him, having spotted him on his way home, rerouting himself in Marcus’ direction instead. 

All he can think of are the words you’ve asked him, and he you, time and time again – the ones that cut right to the core of you each and every time – that show you how much he cares. 

“How’s your heart?” Luca asks Marcus, after a few minutes of sitting on the bench together in silence. 

And how is his heart? 

He’s not sure how to answer, considering it’s been a while since he’s really had a chance to check in, the crippling reality of this great loss is too much to bear alone. 

His heart is broken, shattered into an infinite amount of pieces. 

He, and his heart will never be the same again and he doesn’t know where or how he’ll ever put it back together. 

His heart is… lost, in desperate need of finding a soft place to land. 

Marcus takes a while to answer, racking his brain for any semblance of a cohesive answer. 

He waits. And then he waits. 

Until finally, he can answer. 

“I uh… don’t know. But I’m hoping this trip will help me figure that out.”

Creativity 

“do you remember the 21st night of september? love was changin' the minds of pretenders while chasin' the clouds away.” (earth, wind, and fire.)

Everything about the way you run your kitchen feels different than what he’s used to. 

It’s sure as hell different from his last stage trip to New York, Marcus thinks to himself.

With Carmy and Syd, working with them, there’s a buzz of chaos that runs underneath even the most organized and efficient service. It’s something integral to what they have, gives an edge to The Bear that seems to make it hum in all the right ways. Even with Luca, who comes from fine dining and Michelin-starred restaurants, there’s a quiet and determined focus – an intensity to his work – even without the undercurrent of chaos. 

But this. But you. 

Your kitchen somehow teeters the line of organized chaos and reckless play so well that Marcus understands why this works – why it’s efficient. 

Still, he watches as you and your staff dance – no, literally dance – around each other to the highly recognizable Earth, Wind, and Fire tune. Mathilde sings along while chopping chives for the brothy mushroom grain bowl, while, mid-phrase, manages to yell out a short command to a line cook in Danish. Out of the corner of his eye, Marcus catches Jesper working the dining room, while you finish plating two more dishes, ready to be walked out. 

It’s as if you find focus in the center of all the noise, somewhere between the electric energy between you, Mathilde, and your staff, and the feel-good vibes and homeyness of the restaurant that you’ve created. 

You had been more than welcoming when Marcus had walked through the doors of your restaurant, Kokuore, mere hours ago. You’d given him the tour, shown him which station he’d be working this evening, then warmly introduced him to your entire team before family meal started. Marcus can’t stop moving, too afraid to be still in fear of falling apart in the presence of how comforting you’ve been. 

And this? Your kitchen. It’s all joy, connection, and artistry. 

It’s not hard for him to see why Luca fell in love with you. 

“Marcus, feel free to take a break,” he hears you say, as you nod towards the dining room through the open kitchen. 

As Marcus follows your gesture, he notices that Luca’s arrived, remembering something about a standing Saturday date. 

“You sure, chef?” Marcus asks, looking to you for approval. 

“Positive,” you nod, reassuringly.

Marcus nods in return to confirm, before taking his apron off and making his way over to the dining room where Luca is exchanging a few words with Jesper. 

“Wassup, chef,” he greets his mentor. 

“You know, you can call me Luca,” Luca reminds him with a crooked smile. “At least when we’re off the clock.”

Marcus chuckles, “Uh… yeah alright. That’s gonna take some getting used to.” 

Luca chuckles in return, before Jesper shows them to his table, mentioning something about Americans being so afraid of fluidity. 

“She’s brilliant isn’t she?” Luca asks, in reference to you as his eyes catch yours from across the room. 

“Nah for real. Like… mad scientist vibes,” Marcus concurs with a smile. “She can throw down for sure.” He pauses as they sit down at Luca’s table. “So you come every Saturday night, huh?”

“When I can, yeah, which is… most Saturdays,” Luca replies honestly, before beginning to list why he’s kept up this routine. “But it’s nice. Keeps me inspired. I get to see my girl, walk her home at night which makes me feel better.” Luca leans back in his chair this time, crossing his arms over his chest. “And I never mind helping close down at the end of the night.”

Marcus hums in response before one of the waitstaff comes to their table, with a glass of wine in hand, on the house. They chat for a little longer before Marcus returns to the kitchen, his excitement for what you’re doing here filling him to the brim. 

As dinner service comes to an end, Marcus can’t help but notice the chemistry and how unique it is as you all work together in perfect harmony. There’s a warmth to it, something different, and he begins to understand why the name of the restaurant comes from the word, heart. 

Luca is quick to get up from his table, quickly finishing his glass of wine as he offers to help close down. The music volume goes from underscoring the buzz of a busy night of service, to the main attraction, as a motown throwbacks playlist begins to blare from the speakers. You all work quickly and efficiently, eager to close down, get home, and begin your weekends, but it’s when an old Otis Redding track that Luca decides to put a pause on the progress. 

“Dance with me, my love,” he says, offering his hand out to you as a huge gesture that earns a few looks and giggles from some of your staff. 

“Luca,” you begin to protest, looking around. 

“You can take three minutes,” he offers, exchanging a look with you this time. 

You nod, taking his hand as you agree with, “Okay.”

And as Luca wraps you up in his arms, engaging you in a slow dance to Otis Redding’s “That’s How Strong my Love is,” you chuckle, relaxing into him.

“Oh, get a room, you two!” Jesper calls out after you, teasingly. 

“She pretends – always puts up a fight – as if they don’t do this every single week,” Mathilde adds, as an explanation to Marcus. 

“Every week?” Marcus asks, a little surprised by both you and Luca’s willingness to pause and revel in a moment with each other, instead of just pushing through. 

“Yeah. Romantics, they are,” Jesper chimes in. 

Marcus smiles to himself. It’s a reminder of slowness – something he hasn’t let himself experience in a long time – and for just a moment, he lets himself settle into the feeling. 

*

You don’t even mind that you woke up an hour before your alarm the moment you feel Luca’s arms wrapped around you, and his lips against your soft skin. The low rumble of his voice resonates across your shoulders, sending chills down your spine as you arch into his hands, his arms wrapped around you. 

“I know we’re only a few days in… of our little trial,” Luca begins, the bass of his voice reverberating through your shoulder blade.

“Our living together trial?” you clarify with your ask, letting out a gasp as he nibbles on your shoulder gently. 

“Yeah. Just wonderin’ where your mind’s at,” Luca murmurs, his eager hands beginning to explore underneath the oversized shirt you put on before bed last night. 

“Well… I really like this,” you reply, the sound that comes out of your mouth somewhere between a giggle and a moan. 

“Hmmmm?” Luca sounds, innocently. 

“This… Waking up to you thing.”

“Oh yeah?” 

“Mhm.”

Luca’s name escapes your lips as his fingers gently begin to play with your nipples, his erection hard against your back as you begin to grind your hips back against. 

“And the access to round the clock sex is really a bonus,” you sigh, blissfully. 

“Oh yeah?” he asks you again, a large tatted hand slipping between your legs. 

“Yeah… I’d even be… interested in leaning into that part… right now,” you hiss in reply to his touch. “Considering you’re distracting me with sex.”

“Hmmmmm. ‘S not just it, love. Have I told you how grateful I am for what you’ve done for Marcus?” Luca asks, his mouth back on your neck. He presses your body against him, your back to his chest as he rocks his hips against yours. 

“Luca!” you protest, unable to focus on the conversation. 

“It’s your kindness. Your heart… I’m in awe of it,” he continues to praise you as the two of you begin to set a rhythm between your bodies. 

It’s all heat, and soft sighs of pleasure, and foreplay.

“Well, I know a little something about what he’s going through,” you answer breathlessly. You begin to impatiently push the hem of your shirt higher so that you can give Luca more access to your body. 

“That’s why I love you,” Luca murmurs into your skin, his hands all over you, his focus unbroken and your mind beginning to go blank. His hands are tearing your shirt over your head as he continues to praise you. “Your heart, the way you share it.”

“You helped me get there, baby,” you gasp, turning your head so that you can kiss your boyfriend. 

Instead of answering, Luca nods knowingly, before crashing his lips into yours. His mouth on yours feels like heaven, and you can’t believe that you ever fought your feelings for him. 

“Ah fuck it. Let’s do it. Let’s move in together,” you surrender to him, lost in the moment. 

“Yeah?” Luca pauses, pulling away, as if almost can’t believe what he’s hearing. 

“Yeah. I mean it, baby,” you nod, catching his gaze, certain in the way you answer. “I wanna wake up to you every morning.”

“Me too, my love,” Luca grins, before pressing his lips to yours again. “Now will you please let me fuck you, darling?”

“Fuck yes.”

Luca spends the next hour showing you just how grateful he is for you, while you in return, spend the next hour showing him just how sure you are about this decision. 

And you are sure. If mornings like this are a constant for the rest of your life, you think you’ll die a happy woman. 

You’ve found a home in him, and he, you. He’s the person you want to come home to at the end of the day. He’s the man that puts a smile on your face every single time he gets on his soapbox about how Beyonce is the performer of your lifetimes, and he is unequivocally the best, most unexpected thing in your life. 

Luca Davies, in almost a year of knowing him, and eight months of getting to love him, has somehow become your favorite person. 

By the time you and Luca are both showered and decent-for-company, you’ve begun your mise en place for brunch, completely content with the fact that you’re running a little behind schedule (and in all fairness, the sex was worth it – it’s always worth it). The smell of bacon sizzling away on your carbon steel fry pan fills the entire apartment, and you’re glad that Luca opened a window earlier. It’s not exactly window weather yet, but the air ventilation is a must when it comes to smoked meats.

While you play catch up with your brunch plan, Luca’s busy welcoming Marcus in, pouring him a cup of coffee using the extensive ten-step pour over he’s been fixated on ever since he purchased it, while they chat here and there about what else he’s explored in Denmark. 

“Been too busy working, to be honest but… I don’t know. I might wander around today… see what kind of stuff I can get into,” Marcus answers frankly with a shrug. 

“Ah, mate. We just had a walk at the Frederiksberg Gardens. Definitely something I’d recommend checking out,” Luca suggests, his eyes lighting up with excitement as he mentions it. 

Luca continues moving through his list of recommendations, Marcus chiming in with places and things he did the last time he was here, excited to spend a few days exploring the city instead of just working. 

“Wanderin’ around. I dunno. There’s something about it. ‘S good for the spirit, you know?” Luca concludes. 

“Yeah,” Marcus nods in agreement, before turning his attention over to the French toast you’re working on. “Okay, I see you. What is that? Mascarpone?”

“Yeah, good eye. It’s just something new I’m working on: a mascarpone stuffed french toast. We’re actually talking about extending our hours… maybe doing weekend brunch,” you answer thoroughly, as you dip the stuffed pieces of bread into their egg batter, pre-cook. 

“For real? That’s sick,” Marcus compliments, watching you carefully. “I mean… shit. You could have a whole brunch spot.”

“What do you mean?” you ask, looking up from your cutting board. 

“A Brunch spot,” Marcus repeats, simply, the excitement in his eyes at the new idea, evident. “Yeah, you know. Luca could do the morning pastries. You work your magic on the rest of the menu.”

“That’s a novel idea! What do you think, my love?” Luca asks, intrigue in his voice as he searches your face for a reaction. 

“I-,” you begin, looking from Luca to Marcus, then back to Luca again. “I… never thought about it like that.” You take a beat, eyeing Luca carefully. “We’ve never talked about going into business together.”

Marcus shrugs, before picking up his coffee mug, “Yo, it’s just a thought. I think you two would be unstoppable together.”

“Unstoppable, eh?” Luca asks, his eyes locked with yours. 

You only hum in response, raising a quirked eyebrow in Luca’s direction before adding:

“It’s certainly one hell of an idea, Marcus.”

Kokuore

Monday afternoon, you find yourself at your restaurant with Marcus Brooks, on a day off. 

“I might need a little extra help with something tomorrow. We’re closed tomorrow, but I want to get ahead on this special I’m working on. Could use the help of a pastry chef. What do you say?” you’d proposed to him, over one more espresso before he left. 

To Luca’s dismay, (“ you silly Americans just can’t enjoy a day of doing nothing,” he’d teased the two of you) Marcus had given you an unwavering yes, reassuring you that he was down to learn everything he possibly could from you, especially while he was here. 

And it’s true. You do need the help. But should he want someone to talk to – someone who gets it, even just a little bit – you want to offer him the space and the opportunity to do so.

“As a patissier, do you get tasked with pasta? At The Bear?” you ask Marcus, as you pleat a dumpling in hand with a speed that only comes with practice. 

“Nah,” Marcus sounds, his focus on the dumpling he’s pleating too. His concentration on getting the pleats right is reverent and unbroken, even as he answers your question. “Our head chef, Carmy, he uh… he comes from an Italian American family so when we’ve done a stuffed pasta… he usually takes the lead on that.” 

You nod in understanding, placing the dumpling you’ve just finished down on the full-sized sheet pan. The two of you sit across from each other, having pushed a few dining tables together as a makeshift workstation. 

“Think Luca’ll take over this kinda stuff when you guys open a restaurant together?” Marcus asks, lightheartedly pushing his agenda from yesterday. 

You laugh in response, your hands working quickly on yet another dumpling. 

“For someone with no skin in the game, you’re really insistent on this idea,” you tease him in return. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it,” Marcus pushes right back, his tone still light. 

“I…” you sigh, trailing off as you pause your work for a moment. “You know, we just said we’d move in together. That and a restaurant? Feels fast.” 

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Like… a few hours before you came over for brunch,” you elaborate, earning a whistle from Marcus. The two of you exchange a look, and a laugh, as you pick up another dumpling wrapper that you and Marcus rolled out together earlier. 

“It’s a good idea though,” you add, stealing a glance his way so that he knows that you’re serious. 

“Well, when you two inevitably do open a restaurant… I want ten percent,” Marcus jokes, earning another laugh from you. 

“Deal,” you agree with him. 

You and Marcus work like this, exchanging a few words, the conversation light, underscored by a softer acoustic soundtrack from one of your Spotify radio stations.

“So how’d you learn to cook like this?” Marcus asks you curiously. 

“Uh…” you hesitate, treading carefully as you realize this conversation could open a can of worms. 

“I don’t know how much Luca’s told you about me… but I was married… before him,” you begin, cautiously. “And… well, I learned a lot of this… a lot of traditional Japanese cooking from my mother-in-law.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. These are her dumplings actually – her recipe. She passed away last Fall and… well, it was important to me to celebrate her – to celebrate her life – by creating a few dishes for her,” you continue, and it’s as if all of the air has been sucked out of the room. “We’re bringing this one back as a special this month but um… yeah. I’m… still very much grieving and… it helps me remember her. Cooking her food helps me feel close to her, you know?”

“Yeah,” Marcus sighs, his heart heavy as he exhales. 

He waits a beat. 

And then another, having paused his work as he watches you pleat, head down, with expert hands. 

The silence between you and Marcus is full, heavy, connected by shared experience. You wait for Marcus to say something, and when he doesn’t, you decide to continue. 

“This restaurant… has so much of my heart in it: it’s got my love for Italian food from growing up in my best friend’s family’s restaurant, and it’s got my love for her – for Aiko – and everything she taught me,” you begin to explain. “And lately… it’s got a fresh perspective… inspired by the love I have with Luca, I think. Well, I know. Inspired by him… how this place brought us together.”

“The name itself is… totally made up, but means a lot to me. The Japanese word for heart is, kokoro, and the Italian word for heart is, cuore. Somehow an homage to my past… and was… Prophetic in so many ways too.” 

As Marcus listens, Luca’s previous question lingers in his head:

How’s your heart?

At the time he didn’t know how to answer, and after five days in Copenhagen – after five days of doing what he loves in a place that he loves – his heart is somehow so full, yet so broken all at once. He’s filled with deep sorrow and with the spark of creativity all at the same time, and he’s just not sure how to hold all of this feeling inside of him. 

Marcus waits a beat, opens his mouth, then lets the words fall out. 

“It’s evident. In your food,” is all he manages to say. “It’s got soul. It’s got heart. I-, it’s inspiring. That’s for sure.” 

“I made a dish. For Michael,” Marcus adds, his eyes on the dumpling he works on, but the guard on his heart beginning to fall away. “He was uh… well, he was the old owner of the restaurant, called The Beef back then. Carmy took over after he died. Felt right to honor him and his life, you know? When we reopened as The Bear.”

“Food is… it’s our art, you know?” you agree. “Sometimes it’s the only way I know how to express myself and… sometimes it’s just the thing that makes sense.”

“Yeah.”

A beat. 

“Maybe one day I can make one for my mom,” Marcus says, his voice stuck in his throat as he admits, “I don’t know if I’m ready yet. But I think… I think I’d like to eventually.” 

“Of course,” you reassure him gently. “You don’t have to be ready now. You don’t have to be ready ever. But when you are, your art will always be there.” 

“Thanks,” Marcus nods solemnly. 

You get up this time, realizing the sheet pan is full, and ready to be placed on the baker’s rack. As you return to the table with a new empty sheet pan, lined with parchment paper, Marcus finally asks you, his eyes soft, the heartbreak in them present. 

“How’d you get through? You know. Losing her? Your mother-in-law?” 

You return to your chair with a heavy sigh. 

“I’ll let you know when I do,” you answer, letting up a soft chuckle. “It helps to have good people and… from what Luca’s told me, you do. But… I had to let ‘em in, let ‘em help me. Let ‘em love me. And in all honesty, most days I’m still just… taking it day by day.” 

“Yeah, I-. I do. I got some really good people. Back home,” Marcus drags out slowly. 

“Then that’s all that matters. Your people and your heart. The rest… you just-,” you start. 

“Take day by day?” Marcus interjects, pausing to catch your eyes. 

You and Marcus exchange a knowing look, the recognition of each others’ pain is met with empathy. 

“Yeah. I think that's all we can do.”

By the end of your work session with Marcus, you’re ready to head home so that you can spend the rest of the day with Luca. 

“What’re you gonna do with the rest of your day?” you ask Marcus, curiously. 

With a sigh, and then a shrug, and a heart that feels just a little lighter, he answers with:

“Think I might wander around a bit. Someone once told me it’s good for the spirit.”

[prettypumpum]

Title: Crossed Dimensions | Logan Howlett x Reader

Summary: You were living an ordinary life until the day a portal throws you into the Marvel universe. Trapped between an unbearable Deadpool and a Wolverine as troubling as he is charming, you discover powers you didn’t know you had and an unknown past with certain heroes. As your anxiety grows in the face of this new reality, will you be able to find your place and perhaps become the hero they need?

Warnings: strong language, references to anxiety and panic attacks, mentions of violence.

Word count: ~2.7k

Masterlist

chapter 1

“You know, I’ve always wanted kids,” Wade whispered in my ear, making me jump and pulling my attention away from Logan and Laura, who were deep in conversation on the other side of the room. “I’m so disappointed; I thought you’d teleport this time.”

“Mutants don’t exist in my dimension, Wade. So let me forget that I can do that, or I’m going to have a panic attack,” I replied, my eyes still locked on the scene in front of me.

“Do you think the government would use my sperm to impregnate one of my old sexy acquaintances, aiming to create a deadly weapon?” Wade asked, mouth full, making obscene gestures to illustrate his point.

All I could do was grimace in disgust. I hadn’t known Wade long, but I had to admit the movies had really toned him down. He was unbearable, vulgar, and absolutely everything was a joke to him. Which, admittedly, was pretty funny—as long as you weren’t the target of his humor.

“No, forget it. I prefer the good old-fashioned way, balls to lady parts. I can’t do it with scientists staring at me; it throws me off,” continued the mercenary, muttering the last sentence. “Plus, honestly, you missed the fun part where we cuddle, and Logan growls in your ear.”

This whole situation was insane. Just this morning, I had been leaving my coffee shop, pumpkin spice latte in hand, when some weird guys surrounded me, threw me into a portal, and explained that Marvel actually existed and that, on top of it, I had a past with Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman. Well, not them, but their variants, Deadpool and Wolverine.

“I think I need a drink,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut as tightly as I could, praying to wake up from what felt increasingly like a nightmare.

"Logan drank everything, but I think he left that nail polish remover Al uses if you want it," Wade replied, grabbing Dogpool.

“I’m going to get some fresh air, then.” Without giving him a chance to say anything else, I grabbed my coat—which had been new before being thrown into the TVA trash—and headed out, slamming the door behind me. I had no idea where to go; I didn’t have money or friends in this universe. Or any other, for that matter.

When I finally stopped, the adrenaline began to wear off, and the reality of my situation was making me seriously anxious. My meditation app advised me to close my eyes, focus on my breathing, and visualize my intrusive thoughts like cars passing on a road. But I mostly felt like those cars had run me over.

No matter how hard I tried to calm down, my heart beat faster, and I felt like the walls were closing in. When I felt a hand on my shoulder, I couldn’t help but scream, jumping in shock, which didn’t just make me leap—it teleported me to the end of the hallway.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Laura apologized. “You left kind of abruptly, and I was hoping we could talk.”

I didn’t really know what to say. The situation was completely crazy. She was the daughter of my variant… well, no, officially, she was the product of Logan’s genetic material.

“I just needed some quiet, you know how Wade is,” I said, laughing nervously and sitting down on the building’s staircase. Laura nodded in understanding and sat beside me in silence.

“You know, he once told me I have his powers but that I look more like my mother,” Laura said, breaking the awkward silence that had started to settle. “My Logan, I mean.”

Her Logan and his Lydia had been true heroes, both killed trying to protect her. Wade had explained that his Lydia had tried to escape with the children from the facility where they were held when Laura was still a baby but had died before she could make it through the gates.

“I was told she was a good woman,” I said, not really knowing what else to add.

“I got to meet Logan, but I don’t remember her. Charles showed me pictures and told me a lot about her.”

“I don’t want to shatter your dream, sweetheart, but I’m not her. Your mom was a hero. Me, I’m just a miserable girl with depression who doesn’t know what to do with her life,” I said, fidgeting with my coat sleeves.

“You helped save this world. If that’s not being a hero, I don’t know what is,” the young girl said softly, a smile playing on her lips. “I know that Logan and you aren’t them, but… you’re the closest thing I have. So I was thinking maybe we could go get coffee or grab a bite together someday.”

If her Lydia was anything like me, her Logan might have been right. When I saw the poor girl, playing nervously with her hands, lacking confidence, I couldn’t help but think that maybe we shared some personality traits—unfortunately, not the best ones.

“You’re probably the first teenager who actually wants to hang out with their parents,” I said, laughing wholeheartedly this time, which made her smile. “If you need someone to talk to or if you’re bored, don’t hesitate—I’ll be here for you.”

“Logan said the same thing. You’re just like my real parents,” she said, standing up. “You’re a bit lost, but you’re there when it counts.”

“Do you have somewhere to go?” I asked, a bit concerned and trying to change the subject.

“Colossus should be here soon. He’s picking me up to take me to the institute,” she replied, helping me to my feet. “I’m really glad I met you, Lydia,” she said. Before I could respond, she hugged me—a hug that, if I hadn’t had a healing factor, probably would have left me with a few bruises.

“You’re young and a mutant, so of course you’re going there,” I said, feeling a bit embarrassed when she let go. “Wait, I’ll stay with you until he gets here.”

“No, it’s okay; you can head back up.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, worried about leaving her alone on the street at this hour.

“Yes. Don’t worry, I can handle myself. I’m a big girl,” she said, extending the two metal claws from her knuckles before leaving the building, leaving me alone in the dimly lit hallway.

I still waited a few minutes until I heard a car and Colossus’s familiar voice, then I went back up to the apartment.

Wade and Al were nowhere to be found when I returned. Logan and I shared the living room; he was just coming out of the bathroom, pulling on a white T-shirt as I came in. And, as always, it took all the willpower I had to keep breathing. I averted my gaze, blushing, and rushed to the bathroom. I really needed to splash some cold water on my face.

[mrscolinbridgerton96]

“I Do Not Love You Any Less” | a POLIN fic

Plot: It is Penelope and Colin’s wedding night.. and it is anything but newlywed bliss. However, it is on this night that they have a long overdue conversation.

~

After longing looking at the man she loves, Penelope watched as Colin grabbed a pillow for the settee and walk out of the room. She felt another piece of her heart break as he closed the door.

She could’ve just left it at that- that any attempt at a conversation could wait until morning.. but she took a deep breath and walked out to talk to him as he took off his boots and threw the pillow and blanket on the settee.

Penelope: “Colin. Please talk to me. I deserve to be heard given the way you are treating me.”

Colin: “The way I am treating you? Penelope, you lied to me and at our wedding breakfast.. you made it very clear that you will never give up Whistledown.”

Penelope: “I understand your anger towards me- in fact, it is justifiable. However, I cannot go another day or night without trying to fix this situation between us. Colin, please.”

Colin: “You want to talk? Very well. Let us talk. Perhaps you can help me understand. Maybe you can attempt to justify all of the damage that you have done with your pen.”

Penelope walks away from the bedroom doors and sits on the settee next to Colin. A part of him wants to move an inch away from her or even to stand up, but he stays where he is.. and even lets Penelope move closer to him. She grabs his hand, takes a deep breath and tells him things she had never thought she’d ever say to him. She opens up- all honesty and completely vulnerable.

Penelope: “I first start writing as Whistledown because I was powerless in my own home and I was forced to debut and enter the marriage mart a year earlier than I was meant to. I intended to give a voice to those felt powerless- the other voiceless. Instead, it became.. something else entirely. When I wrote what I did about Marina, I felt it was the only way I could prevent you from an even deeper form of heartache- I thought I could prevent that.. betrayal. Yes, I knew that Marina was with child when she arrived to the Ton.. but I was forced to remain silent on the issue and was frowned upon for trying to befriend her. I tried so hard to tell you about it. I told you that she was in love with another man.. and you did not believe me. Had Marina not interrupted us, I would have told you everything. I had every intention on telling you, but I feared that you still would have married her anyways- even if it meant being in a one sided relationship; a loveless marriage.. which is something I do not wish on anyone- not even the likes of Cressida Cowper.”

With a blank expression, he looked at her for a split second then looked back down again.

Colin: “And Eloise?”

Penelope: “Eloise came to me explaining how the Queen was convinced that she was Lady Whistledown- and threatened to ruin her, you and the rest of your family if she did not confess. I was misguided because, I- I saw no other way to protect her. So, I.. I wrote what I did and after that, I.. I intended to never write again.”

Colin: “But you did begin writing again.. with what you said about me. When I first read it, it did not affect me- but as soon as I discovered that you are Lady Whistledown.. only then did your words cut me. It made me feel as if the one person outside my family that I care deeply about and have for years thinks so little of me.”

Penelope: “I was angry. Your words last year hurt me more than anything my mother.. my sisters.. or anyone else had ever spoken about me. I wanted the man I loved for years back; I hated when you pretended to be someone you were not. You were wearing a mask, yet even now.. I realize that it may not have been entirely your choice. I love you truly and madly and deeply- I will shout it at the top of my lungs for all of Mayfair to hear if you truly doubt that. Despite all of your imperfections, I do not love you any less.. and I pray that we will soon have better days ahead of us. Goodnight, Colin.”

Penelope kissed Colin on the cheek then went into the bedroom. He could hear her crying after she had closed the door behind her. Despite his anger, it broke his heart to hear her cry. It hurt him knowing that his anger was hurting her.. and Penelope has always been someone he never in any way wanted to hurt.

~

After thirty minutes, there was a deafening silence lingering over Colin. There was pure silence in the bedroom as well. He got up and walked to the door. He quietly opened the door and saw that Penelope had fallen asleep. He took a deep breath in and out as he approached the bed and looked at her sleeping peacefully. His heart slightly sank when he realized that she had actually cried herself to sleep.

He kneeled down and kissed her on the forehead and whispered Penelope’s words back to her.

Colin: “I do not love you any less.. Penelope Bridgerton.”

He slowly covered her arms with the blanket so that he wouldn’t wake her.. and he took one more look at his wife before closing the door once more for the night.

For ten minutes, he sat up on the settee.. thinking about Penelope. Despite his feelings about her being Lady Whistledown, he still loves her. A tear falls down his left cheek when he begins to think about his fear of losing her. He doesn’t want to lose her.. and the thought of losing her terrified him.

Pure exhaustion quickly took over and he took a deep breath.. laid down.. and finally closed his eyes.

__________________________________________

author’s note: this is the kind of conversation i wish would’ve happened in part 2 of season 3, but it didn’t- so i decided to write this. this is my first Bridgerton AU fic- hope you like it!!

[aectpen]

3 of Us - poly!haobin x reader

m.list

pairing: haobin x reader

genre: angst with happy ending

synopsis: hanbin and hao have a fight that leaves you in the middle

words: .9k

You stared up at the ceiling. Sandwiched between Hanbin and Hao, unable to toss and turn, you found yourself incapable of even catching a wink of rest. Their backs were turned away, oblivious to your restless night.

Earlier that evening, Hanbin and Hao engaged in a heated argument sparked by Hao's perceived "flirting" with an old friend at the market. Hanbin's reaction stemmed from his deep affection for you; he became upset with Hao for appearing excessively friendly towards the girl in your presence. It's true that you experienced a twinge of jealousy, with a tightness in your chest as you observed the way Hao tilted his head and smiled at her—the same way he usually did with you.

Despite all of that, you hesitated to bring it up. After all, he isn’t in contact with her, so why harbor any resentment? However, even though you mentally decided to let it go, your feelings manifested in your expressions and actions. Throughout the rest of the day, a subtle pout lingered on your face, and when Hao inquired about something, your responses were brief. Hanbin took note of all of this, but didn’t want to make a scene.

The moment the three of you reached home, Hanbin immediately pounced on the opportunity to call him out.

“So you’re just gonna act oblivious?” Hanbin raised his voice. Hao only laughed, thinking Hanbin was joking. “That girl. You were so obvious!”

You stayed silent, not wanting to start a fight, nor participate in one.

“She was just a friend that I hadn’t seen in a while.” Hao explained, raising his hands.

“The way you were acting. It was just disrespectful. Do you not notice when y/n is upset about stuff like this?” Tears welled in your eyes. You dreaded sparking a conflict between them, silently praying that Hanbin wouldn't address the underlying reason for your uncharacteristic behavior, devoid of your usual affectionate demeanor.

“Why do you always have to speak for her? Do you enjoy causing problems?” That's when it escalated beyond its initial scope. When you resort to a personal jab, you lose sight of the main issue and attempt to deliver an even more hurtful blow.

The remark ignited a shouting match between the two, spiraling into a confrontation where the original cause of their disagreement became unclear. Anger clouded their judgment, rendering the argument directionless. Despite your plea for them to stop, they remained deaf to reason. Their conflicts were infrequent, only arising from trivial matters.

You just wanted it to end. Even if Hao’s actions hurt your feelings, you knew he didn’t have malicious intent. He was just a friendly person. You also know Hanbin only came at him because of his love for you.  He couldn’t stand to see you upset without an apology.

The remainder of the night unfolded in silence. Not a word was spoken. Tension hung thick in the air, palpable enough to be sliced with a knife. The anger was so intense that neither of them could bring themselves to talk to you. Each person carried out their nightly routine in solitude.

None of you were angry enough to sleep separately. You thought about it, but neither of them raised the idea. Hanbin went to sleep first, followed by you, then Hao. They slept on their sides, both facing away from you.

Sleep eluded you as you dwelled on the unfolding events. You beat yourself up for allowing them to sleep harboring anger. You played out alternate scenarios in your mind, envisioning a timeline where you intervened promptly, and everyone went to sleep in a comforting embrace. Yet, even in that hypothetical situation, you couldn't escape the possibility of making Hanbin feel guilty for defending you.

You tuned into the gentle rhythm of their breathing, observing the subtle rise and fall of their shoulders. Thoughts of the morning ahead invaded your mind, anticipating the impending silence. The last thing you wished for was them waking up with furrowed brows and lingering pouts.

The echo of their hurtful words played on a loop in your mind. You couldn't shake off the realization that your own jealousy had fueled the current situation. A quiet sniffle escaped you as tears traced a path down the side of your face, dampening your pillow. 

The supposedly hushed sniffles didn't escape Hanbin's notice. He shifted to face you. "Trouble sleeping?"

Turning toward him, he glimpsed your slightly puffy eyes and pursed lips, prompting him to tenderly touch your cheek. "Is this about us? God, I'm so sorry, y/n."

"No need to apologize. It's my fault it happened in the first place," you self-criticized.

"It's not," he insisted, shaking his head vigorously. "Things got out of hand. At this point, it's nobody's fault."

“I just want it to be over. I don’t want anyone to be mad.” You held on to his hand.

Both of you directed your attention to Hao, who was now propped up on both elbows.

“I’m sorry. I was being dismissive and mean.” He leaned towards you.

“I’m sorry for not listening to you and being mean too.” Hanbin returned the apology.

“Now kith,” you said, earning a laugh from the both of them.

Hanbin positioned himself between the two of you, encircling his arms around you both, drawing you closer. You and Hao intertwine your hands over Hao’s chest, blowing air kisses at each other. The three of you drifted off to sleep, accompanied by a harmonious chorus of soft snores, just as it was meant to be.

[1moreff-creator]

An Analysis and Theories of The Purge March…

(By someone who knows very little about Milgram)

Hello Milgram people! First time posting an analysis about it, mainly because I only started getting into it like two days ago. I kept seeing it get mentioned in my dash and I thought "yeah these characters look mentally ill enough to be interesting I'll check this out." And wow, this thing is awesome!

Even though I'm missing massive amounts of critical information (I haven’t even watched all the MVs for the other characters yet), I still want to talk about my thoughts on the newest MV, Amane's "The Purge March". I'm sorry if a lot of what I say has been said before, I tried my best to research other opionions before defining my own, but I still know very little compared to others. Hope you can take something away from here anyways!

CW: Cults and indoctrination, child abuse, torture, waterboarding, electrocution, violence and murder, animal death.

Basic Rundown & Lyrics

Introduction

The video takes place in three main settings: the titular march, the place with the cat, and Amane's apartment/home.

Hold on, you may say. Can we be sure that's Amane's home and not some other place? Well, I believe so, based on this little sign here.

This translation was taken from Napkin's analysis on the MV, which was massively helpful and I recommend you check out yourself!

In case you forgot, Amane's full name is Amane Momose; that's her father on that picture. When combined with the context that Amane walked into the apartment on her own and with a small smile, it really makes it look like that is her home. Adittionally, a leaked storyboard from Milgram Premium apparently says the hand holding the taser belongs to Amane's mother, and I believe this is the case. Not because of the storyboard, as I don't usually trust that type of meta evidence, but because of some stuff I'll get to later.

Anyways, back to the video. We open with the march, alongside this lyrics:

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! It’s the beginning of a most wonderful day However, there are blasphemers and silent by-standers, who would have it otherwise We must not give into them, they are the ones that should be judged With pure, unsullied body and soul, let us preach all that is true and right

This sets up the main theme of the song: it's about how the cult Amane is in sees the concept of punishment and justice. Those who go against the cult, must be judged, they must be punished. I think it's worth noting that this part not only calls out "blasphemers", but also "silent by-standers". Amane's cult not only condemns """harmful""" actions, but also inaction. There is one part of the MV which I think manifests this, I'll get to it.

Flags and Ordainments

Then, we see four flags corresponding to each of the cult's... uh...

Okay, so, as a refresher. There's this four characters, right? From left to right, Yuri, Gozake, Riyone, and Gachata.

Certain theories claim these are cult leaders, and certain others claim they are just mascots or even deities and not real people. I believe the latter, but of course all theories are valid. I'll explain my reasoning later (take a shot), but for now, I need to establish what I believe.

Anyways, we see flags representing each of them attached to lyrics which are connected to them, indicating some of the cult’s ordainments.

’Tis ordained, thou shall follow thine destiny [Riyone] ’Tis ordained, thou shall discard vulgarity [Gozake] ’Tis ordained, thou shall deliver unto those thou believest in [Yuri] ’Tis ordained, thou shall stay thine course, then perish [Gachata]

Here's what I think they mean:

>Riyone, who has bandaids for ears, represents the cult's belief in medicine. Essentially, they denounce it, and their accepted MO is to only pray for the injured instead of healing them medically. So when Riyone 'says' "thou shall follow thine destiny", it's saying "accept your fate/situation, don't try to change your destiny". This is why we don't see Riyone doing anything other than punishing Amane in the first trial MV; the only thing you're meant to do in relation to Riyone and medicine is pray.

>Gozake has possibly the vaguest ordainment, that being “thou shall discard vulgarity.” Since it’s described as a monk in “Magic”, I believe this means to discard unnecessary, vulgar things, and only accept the things the cult accepts. There is indication that the cult denounces these type of trivial things, from some of Amane’s interrogation questions from trial one.

Q1: Do you have any special skills?

A: Nothing that I can call a talent. Perhaps studying. I do well in my Japanese class.

Q5: When you go to an amusement park, what do you like to ride?

A: That is a place I should not go to.

Q11: What kind of meat do you like?

A: I don’t eat meat.

Q14: Do you listen to music?

A: Not really, to songs that are highly entertaining.

Amusement parks are somewhere she shouldn’t go to, presumably because it’s considered vulgar. Perhaps she says she doesn’t have a talent because she’s not allowed to engage in a lot of activities. It’s certainly possible she doesn’t eat meat out of preference, but it could also be due to religious beliefs. And she only listens to songs which are “highly entertaining”, provided I’m reading that right because it’s worded a bit weird. The reason I bring that up is that we see Gozake teaching her to sing in “Magic”, which relates it to music. While that’s likely metaphorical, it’s possible the cult’s “songs” are the highly entertaining ones, and the rest are vulgar.

Worth noting for "The Purge March" though, Gozake’s flag is on the floor before being waved. It's pretty clear Amane holds some contempt against Gozake and/or his punishments.

I believe it’s because it is Gozake’s ordainment, “thou shall discard vulgarity”, that Amane most disagrees with internally and the one she’s most likely to break. I mean, obviously, she’s a child, she’s going to want to do all sorts of trivial, “vulgar” things for fun, that’s just what kids do. We even see a version her fumble with this flag later, implying she has broken this ordainment before.

This fits a lot of the lines in “Magic”.

Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?

Spoiling herself here likely means doing things she wants to do, but which are considered “vulgar” by the cult. Her interrogation questions also imply it.

Q3: If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do?

A: Nothing really. I am not lacking anything.

Q17: What would you do if the world ends tomorrow?

A: If everything ends? Then, I might do all sorts of things I have never done before.

Notice how there are things she wants to do if the world ends, but she doesn’t want to do them now. That is because now, she’s still under the threat of consequence, the “vulgar” things she does can be punished. But if the world ends, then she can just do whatever.

>Yuri is meant to represent solidarity and generosity within the cult, as a sort of tactic to make all its members willing to help and lend resources to the cult. We see him collecting money in "Magic", as the animals "deliver unto those they believe in". That's why his clothes are all patchwork, as if to imply the cult is in need of money.

>Gachata represents order and obedience, that's what "thou shall stay thine course, then perish" means. I don't think I need to explain how that's connected to cults. It's styled after an alarm clock, as they represent a regularity of action, a "schedule". An alarm clock tells you when it's time to wake up and work, just like Gachata.

The Purpose of Punishment

We then see a version of Amane fumble with Gozake's flag as this lyric plays:

The “It can’t be helped”, from the scum who can’t be helped

There's something extremely important in this line. "The scum who can't be helped" are those who say "it can't be helped". In other words, acceptance of mistakes, blasphemy, etc, is the most unforgivable crime in the eyes of the cult. That's why "Leader Amane" slams her baton on the ground, causing this "helpless Amane" to sink, with this line.

That makes them doubtlessly, clearly, absolutely, unequivocally, beyond any doubt, GUILTY

The thing that makes them guilty is the sentiment that "it can't be helped".

What does that mean? It means that something is only forgivable if one acknowledges that it can be fixed. Giving up on improvement, claiming "it can't be helped", is unacceptable. And this is why punishment is so important. If someone doesn't accept punishment, they're claiming their faults cannot be helped by it, which makes them guilty.

(Also yes guilty is in caps because Amane was voted guilty in the first trial I think)

What's important, though, is that because of this scene, Amane is not "scum who can't be helped" in her eyes. Because she's both the one judging and the one being judged, that means she understands the value of her own punishment-

IN THE CULT'S EYES. I gotta clarify that sometimes I will speak from the perspective of the cult to make things clearer, but I do not agree with anything they do or believe, obviously.

So Amane believes she should be punished if she does something wrong, though obviously usually she isn't the one punishing herself. The punishment we see happen then is Amane being drowned, which is the punishment related to Gozake as we see in "Magic". Electrocution is connected to Riyone, physical blows to Yuri and verbal abuse to Gachata, please don't question it too much. Rain starts falling as she sinks, but clears after she's fully under and drowning, revealing a rainbow.

This rainbow shows up later a few times, and... frankly, it's hard to know exactly what the hell it means? But I think it represents the twisted and frankly horrifying view the cult has on punishment: even in the rain, which would be the pain of punishment, there is the bright light of improvement shining through it, being the rainbow. Even though Amane is suffering from drowning, she'll grow and improve from it. That is honestly disgusting to write but well here we are.

The lyrics here are:

I disavow you, eyes corrupted must be crushed So nary a sound can be uttered a second time, I’ll crush your throat too

Essentially, those who go against the cult must be silenced, their views disavowed (eyes crushed).

Then, we see Gozake's flag fading into the background as Amane sinks further. After that, we cut to real life, to Amane being waterboarded.

(Btw, I'm using "waterboarding" because it's faster than "controlled drowning", even though I'm not entirely clear if waterboarding is the right term for what she suffers through)

The lyrics are:

After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry” x2

Amane claims it will soon be "your" turn to apologize and be punished, the "you" likely being her murder victim. How is Gozake related? Well, I believe that's alluding to an aspect of Amane's murder. In fact, this scene might be just a few minutes before her kill, as I believe she killed her victim after suffering from "Gozake's" punishment. I'll get there.

The Cat Incident

(Not the Kazui MV drop, the other one)

We then see what happened for Amane to be punished: she healed a cat. And the cult hates medicine. She gets spotted by a man and a small girl.

See the rainbow? That's because getting caught will lead to punishment, which will lead to improvement. I want you to know I actually feel disgusting writing that, but those are the beliefs of the cult.

Note the girl is holding a balloon with a symbol which is very similar to the symbol on multi-Amane's flags later, so these two likely belong to the cult as well. And since she's wearing the same uniform as Amane, they likely go to the same school, which may be ran by the cult.

I’ll talk about the balloon a bit more later, but for now, who are these two? I said I don’t believe the mascots are cult leaders, so it can’t be them. See, I actually believe they’re simply other average cult members, with nothing special at all about them. This is because the girl, and thus presumably the man with her, never enter Amane’s apartment.

See how that sign with 403 is above the door to the apartment? The balloon stops in front of it, but then goes away. (It's hard to show this with just images but trust me). By the way the string is positioned, it’s clear the girl is still pulling it. Thus we can conclude the girl never went in, and because of that (and the fact the girl has slightly different hair than Amane so she does exist), I believe the man merely told Amane’s mother what he saw, but left before Amane went home. Thus, I find it unlikely this man holds any more importance.

Why is he snitching, though? Well, it goes back to the cult’s beliefs of punishment. If something is wrong, it must be corrected. Remember, “silent by-standers” are just as bad as blasphemers in their eyes. So he wants Amane’s mom to do something about it.

(Btw, I don’t think the cat was a test necessarily, but the fact it’s collared and then gets killed could be an argument for that interpretation)

Oh, and for the uninitiated, I’m saying Amane’s mom because of one of her trial one interrogation questions:

Q: Is there anyone you hold in high esteem?

A: My father. My father has been on a journey for a while, but that is something very honorable.

So, only her mother is in the house.

The lyrics of the scene are relatively straightforward.

If you become a bad girl, monsters will come out. This is the magic that stops that from happening

Then the four “‘tis ordained” things again. Amane broke one of the rules by healing the cat, so she has to be punished, because her actions could cause bad things (monsters to come out). Again, in the cult’s eyes.

After this, we see Amane arrive at her home, where someone, perhaps her mother, is waiting with a taser. Electrocution is Ryone’s punishment, remember. Which makes me think it’s possible the cult specifically assigns each punishment to the ordainment of the mascot. So, because Amane broke Riyone’s ordainment about destiny, she gets electrocuted. That’s a bit half-baked as a possibility, but I think it’s worth mentioning.

The whole thing happens alongside the same “unequivocally GUILTY” line from before, again alluding to Amane receiving punishment.

(Btw, does anyone know what the note behind Amane’s head in that scene says? It fires off alarm bells for me, but my Japanese is null, so)

Amane’s Magical Girl Transformation

Then, we see Amane return to the place of the cat, except its collar is broken and the napkin Amane had used to heal it bloodied next to it, implying the cat died. Amane is obviously heartbroken, and looks up at her umbrella, before we cut to the march again.

There’s quite a few things to note. For one, notice the real Amane has a bruise on her forehead, implying she was hit, and thus received Yuri’s punishment. Assumedly she was also verbally assaulted during the ordeal, Gachata’s punishment so as to complete the set, but it’s sorta impossible to tell.

However, the lyrics are important. It’s stuff we’ve heard before:

I disavow you, eyes corrupted must be crushed So nary a sound can be uttered a second time, I’ll crush your throat too

With “I’ll crush your throat too” notably playing as the transition to the march completes.

But what is she disavowing? Well, think about it. The cult members are not meant to interfere with destiny, with life and death, as per Riyone’s ordainment. That means that while they’re not allowed to heal things, they’re also presumably forbidden from killing them. Though maybe I’m expecting too much logical consistency from a cult but you know. In any case, than means Amane disavows this act, and decides whoever killed the cat, must be punished.

The baton has already been connected to punishment when March Leader Amane slammed it down and caused the other Amane to sink. Which, with this context, we can presume the Drowned Amane to represent Amane before she was punished for healing the cat or some other “offense”.

But the baton is also representative of Amane’s murder weapon, as we’ll see later. And yet, it is also being related in this scene to an umbrella. Why?

Well, it’s simple. Umbrella’s represent protection, in particular protection from the rain which has been related with punishment through this MV. So, to protect herself, Amane punishes others. She does this because, since the cult idolizes punishment, their poster-child (as Amane has been implied to maybe be) should also deal out punishment.

In summary, when Amane sees a wrong, she wishes to correct it because it’s what the cult would want from her, and if she does what the cult would want from her, then she won’t be punished herself.

Q7: Do you like yourself?

A: I have never considered it from the perspective of love and hate, but I do think I am a good child.

…This kid worries me. Severely.

The idea that Amane will punish whoever killed the cat is reinstated in the following lines. As a swarm of Amane’s rushes forward with big grins, proudly holding the flag of the cult and its beliefs, the one with the baton walks forward with conviction. Look at the lyrics.

I don’t need it any more, if you’re going to break your vow Here and now, it’s my turn to tear you apart So there is no second time, I’ll give back the judgment that you gave to me

You wanna know why the swarm of Amanes are so happy? Because now she’s the one who get to punish, instead of being the punished. This is… an unfortunately common reaction to abuse.

It’s important to keep in mind what I said before; the Amanes are still holding the cult’s flag. They’re still acting on the cult’s beliefs. Notice how she specifically says the purpose of returning the punishment is “so there is no second time”, which fits what I’ve been talking about regarding punishment in the cult being to discourage repeat offenses.

Well, she’s following the cults beliefs… in theory. It was pointed out by iris-drawing-stuff in this post that Amane’s eyes have a shade of purple which is not associated with the cult, possibly implying she’s also acting on her own desires, but still rationalizes them through her cult’s twisted logic. The punishment she gave out is death, which sorta goes against the whole “follow thine destiny” logic I said earlier, and more pressingly, doesn’t really fit any of the four established punishment methods of the mascots. Well, I guess Yuri if you squint, but it still isn’t supposed to kill presumably. So she’s not actually entirely going by what the cult says when she kills her victim.

… This kid really worries me.

But hold on. Didn’t I say the symbol of the flags is actually different from the balloon? Is that significant? Well, I think it could be. It could represent how Amane’s views on her cult were changed by the punishment she received after healing the cat.

Think about it. The balloon’s symbol is more simplistic, and is on, well, a balloon. Something childish, something which offers simple bliss without anything wrong about it, and something fragile. I believe this represents how Amane viewed her cult before the cat incident. It was just a nice little thing that brought joy and didn’t require any more thought; it’s a more simplistic viewing, that’s why the symbol is more simplistic. Any small punishments, like Gachata’s finger-flick at the start of “Magic”, aren’t anything to write home about. Obviously I think she’s downplaying the extent of the abuse, but in her mind it wasn’t a big deal.

(That and I imagine the cult doesn’t feel like spending much money on more detailed balloons of all things)

However, this simplistic view “stays at the door” the day of the cat incident, as the other girl never enters the house. This is because after this, Amane’s view on the cult becomes more complex.

And that’s why we then see the symbol on the following flags. Flags are certainly something more mature, and the design is more complex. It is no longer simply colors on a balloon, it represents a fully formed ideology. After the incident with the cat, Amane began understanding the “””value”””” of punishment her cult pushes, and so wishes to begins to act accordingly.

Have I gone insane? Buddy, I was already insane before this, this is nothing new.

Amane’s Justice

Anyways, keeping in theme with the idea that she’s acting on the ideals of her cult, we see her twirling her baton of punishment in front of the four mascots, the rainbow of change after punishment firmly in the background.

It’s important to note, she is firmly planted on the mascots’ side, fighting in their behalf, which is part of what makes me believe she didn’t kill a cult leader as some theories state, but obvs that’s an opinion. The lyrics here are more of the same, Amane is the one punishing now.

After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry” x2

However, something interesting happens right after. The lyric:

You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already

-plays as the baton she’s holding becomes stained with blood, indicating her intent to kill.

This is what separates Amane’s desires from the cult’s. The cult would want her to keep the victim alive as long as they can learn from their punishment and fix what’s wrong, but Amane killed her victim, which sorta goes against that. She’s a child, traumatized and hurt and at her limit, obviously her mind is trying to justify anything that would get her suffering to definitively stop. She explains the reasoning right after.

Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?

She said sorry, she wanted to repent and change, but her abuser(s) never stopped, so why should she? She should be allowed to go all the way, ignore her abuser(s) pleas of sorry and deal out whatever punishment she thinks fits their crime, right?!

At this time, the video transitions from the march to reality, the baton turning back into the umbrella for protection.

However, two things remain the same: the rainbow of punishment, and the look on Amane’s eyes, showing her excitement. This is to show that her wish to punish her abuser(s) isn’t merely a fantasy, but extends to reality as well.

And that gets us to the final (or, second to last I guess,) shot.

Let’s talk about this.

A Theory on a Murder

Let’s start at the beginning.

The Victim’s Identity

So, I’ll kill the suspense. I think Amane killed her mom. The most direct evidence I have for this is a combination of two of her trial one interrogation questions.

Q13: Who do you want to meet right now? A: My father. I want him to praise me for working hard.

So as far as Amane is aware, her father is alive. However:

Q9: Tell me what your family consists of. A: It was my father, my mother, and I.

Past tense. Peculiar.

That’s obviously a pretty big one, but there’s a bit more. As the lyrics imply, the person Amane killed was someone who had previously “punished” her. But as I also pointed out, it seems unlikely that it was a cult leader, as she is facing away from the mascots when she declares her murderous intent.

Cult Leader Theory runs into a contradiction under this interpretation (and it’s important to clarify, other interpretations are obviously valid, I’m just talking about how I see the MV). If the only people abusing Amane are the cult leaders, then she shouldn’t be facing away from them when she begins her crusade of punishment, and if someone other than the cult leaders is punishing her, then why are the punishment methods each related to one leader?

This is what leads me to believe the alternative: that the mascots are merely fictional characters who represent some of the cult’s ideals. Under that theory, it is Amane’s mother who punishes her, using a combination of all the methods associated to each mascot. And thus, it is her who dies.

There’s another thing that solidifies this belief in my eyes, but for that, we have to explain:

Murder Method

(Now this is more my comfort zone <- Top ten things to never say about murder IRL)

I’m not entirely clear how important exact method is usually, but I swear, this is interesting. If nothing else out of curiosity.

Based on that scene we have of the murder, we can observe the following things.

>There is only one door with the light still on.

>Going from this door to the corpse, there is a trail of water puddles. Since the bigger puddles are closer to the door with the light, it can be assumed it’s the door to the bathroom.

>The corpse lays on a room at the end of the hall, presumably opposite to the entrance (note the shoes at the bottom of our perspective). I will call this room, quite aptly, the murder room.

Now, some of you may take issue with that. Based on the card Amane holds up in her ‘inmate segment’ of “Undercover”, it looks as if her victim died in the bathroom.

(Apologies for the quality)

Those images are meant to represent the room or general area where the murder (or “murder” depending on who you’re talking about) took place.

Here's the issue, though. The corpse doesn’t appear to have been dragged, as there are no bloodstains outside the murder room. So the room on the card is most likely the murder room, which brings up issues for the bathroom idea. Like how several elements near the door to the bathroom don’t match what we see around the murder room (no, the floor wiper-looking thing alone doesn’t count, nothing else comes close to matching), how the floor would be nonsensical because why are we putting a wooden floor on a bathroom, there apparently being a door behind the curtains, among other stuff.

I don’t know what the murder room is, necessarily, but it doesn’t seem to be the bathroom. Probably not a kitchen either since there’s cooking utensils on a sink in the hallway. My bet’s on a dining/living room of some kind, which… has a sink for some reason, but it’s practically impossible to tell.

>The time is around 5:00, based on the clock we see (though admittedly I find it weirdly hard to tell). This isn’t important, but pointing it out makes me feel smart, and attentive! It almost looks like I know what I’m doing!

>We have a kill-shot from “Undercover”, meaning we know something like this happened.

As you can see, Amane’s victim was beaten with some kind of… stick? Pole? Cylinder? It doesn’t matter too much what exactly it is, so you can say anything from a metal pipe, an actual baton, an Inconvenient Cylinder of Unknown Purpose (ICUP)… I’m just gonna go with umbrella, because even though I question its efficacy as a murder weapon, it fits thematically and is at worst a fun headcanon.

So, uh, what do we do with this?

Prelude; Water Puddles and Gozake

Gozake is likely connected to the murder in some way. That’s because the “Old Amane”, the one concerned with “vulgar” things who hasn’t started punishing others’ wrongs, dies underwater and reaching for his flag. This is her transformation into perfection in the cult’s eyes, which involves punishing others and thus the murder of her mother. Thus, it can be concluded Gozake has some connection to the murder. I’ve already established why I don’t think he’s the victim or even a real person, so we have to find some other way to connect him.

And I think the water puddles make the possible connection quite clear. I think those puddles come from Amane herself, and she was likely waterboarded right before she killed her mother. As waterboarding is the method connected to Gazoke, this explains the connection.

Amane in the Bathroom

(Amane flying solo~ /ref)

Of course, I still think it was Amane’s mother dealing out the punishment. But if you think about it, why would Amane’s mother let her walk out from the bathroom when she was still soaking wet, especially onto a wooden floor? Well, that’s where the next part comes in. I believe there was a moment where Amane was left alone in the bathroom after being waterboarded.

Apart from that line of reasoning, which is my strongest piece of evidence for this, I want to draw attention to the fact someone came out of the bathroom, but left the light on. Since that’s not the case with any of the other rooms, it makes me think Amane herself was the last to leave that room, as her mother may not like leaving unneeded lights on.

But that’s sorta weak. In truth, I like this possibility because I think it can explain one thing in particular: Amane’s silhouette scene in “Undercover.”

It’s important to note these scenes always include the prisoners in some way or another, so it’s be weird for Amane to break the trend. Thus, this is likely Amane.

But what are we looking at? The water sorta looks like rain more than a simple shower head, and it certainly doesn’t look like waterboarding. However, the floor sorta looks like bathroom tiles, so we can’t rule out the possibility.

In fact, I actually do think this is in/near the shower. But as I said, it doesn’t look intense enough for waterboarding, and Amane is face-up on her back instead of the kneeling position we see her in during the other shower scene.

That’s why I think this is directly after a waterboarding session, not during. In particular, it would be the moment Amane’s mother leaves her alone in the bathroom. While the girl usually kneels during her torture, she may afterwards collapse on the floor and roll over from pain and exhaustion. Or something. And her mother… left the shower head on… for some reason? Maybe she went to look for a towel to dry up Amane? Maybe she needed something else and this is actually mid-session? Or maybe the rain’s metaphorical. Point is, I think this makes the most sense.

But if you’re not convinced by that, there is actually something else about the murder which makes me think Amane being left alone in the bathroom is what most likely happened.

A Matter of Position

Here's the thing. You can see the victim's hand peeking out from the door. Now, it looks like the hand is palm-down, which doesn't quite seem to fit the "Undercover" kill-shot, but that's actually simple to explain.

The "Undercover" kill-shot is likely taken moments before the victim's death, as Amane is holding the weapon in the air. But what if we extend "moments" to "seconds"? Well, I think it's possible Amane's mom managed to push her off briefly, getting a moment to turn around to turn and try to crawl away. Obviously Amane recovered quickly and managed to kill her anyways, but this little scuffle would explain how the hell her hand ended up palm down. It's the simplest explanation in my mind.

Amane's position isn't weird either. No matter what happened, she could have just stepped away from the body before taking a moment to look at it.

The weird thing, though, is the fact that we can see the victim's hand at all.

See, based on the "Undercover" shot, it seems like the victim must have had their back to the door before they fell to the floor. If you think about it, it would be really hard for them to end up with their hand there otherwise. However, if they had their back to the door, then Amane must have been facing the door as per the kill-shot.

This would be easier to explain if I had...

If I had visuals...

You know, like a- like a diagram.

(You thought you could escape my murder diagrams?! You fool!)

Why is this important? Well, because this means that, unless there was some crazy scuffle in that room (unlikely, as any actual fight would be near impossible for Amane to win), Amane was in the room before her mother entered. Obviously, this sort of only makes sense if Amane was left alone in the bathroom for a moment. Here's sort of the series of events I'm envisioning.

Does this make sense? How crazy am I going here?

Well, I think it follows. This is sorta what the evidence seems to be pointing at.

But it raises one big question. Why is Amane going to the murder room, then? If her mom is on the other side of the apartment, and she wants to kill her, what is she doing?

Well, I believe she's looking for a weapon. The blunt object seems like a possibility, but something like that could probably be improvised with almost anything, it wouldn't require going to that room in particular. No, I think Amane's actually looking for something more specific.

The Second Murder Weapon, and the "Magic" Kill-shot

Have you ever pondered how weird it is that “Magic” seems to have no allusion to Amane’s murder, at all? All the other trial one MVs have at least a reference to it, even if it’s as short as Mahiru’s look of horror in the final frame of her MV. But “Magic” doesn’t seem to have anything like that at first glance.

Well, here’s the thing. Now that we know a bit more, it’s easier to tell what time the kill-shot would have to happen. And it goes back to the wand Amane receives at the end of “Magic”.

As you know, when Amane receives this wand, she becomes the “perfect poster-child” of the cult, at least in her head. This is represented by an entire magical girl transformation sequence.

But when does that happen? If you’ve been paying attention, the transformation from “the regular Amane” to “perfect poster-child” Amane happens when she begins to understand and carry out the cult’s doctrine of punishment; when she kills her mother. In fact, you can even see in the frame we have of the murder, Amane is shown not in her real uniform, but in the March Leader clothes, showing her transformation is no longer a fantasy, but has become reality. Not literally, obviously, but metaphorically. She has become what she considers the ideal cult member.

So it’s fair to say then, that when Amane undergoes the same transformation in “Magic”, what we’re seeing is the time Amane killed her mother. And this transformation happens when she picks up the wand.

If this interpretation is right, then the wand is directly linked to the murder. And there is a very, very interesting detail about this wand.

Judges, jurors, and executioners. That’s a lightning bolt.

It’s not a wand. It’s the taser.

I mean, they could have chosen literally any other symbol to put there, right? A star, a heart, the clouds of the cult’s logo, even a rainbow. But no, it’s a thunderbolt. And it’s not even limited to just the wand, either. Notice how lightning strikes behind her right after she picks up the wand, and how her socks are styled in a lightning pattern.

(Don’t mind the blue in the background: that may look like a water puddle, but it’s always there, so I don’t think it means anything)

Now, to be clear, her socks are always like that in “Magic”, but the point stands. It’s a motif that repeats quite a few times, and yet, it’s nowhere to be seen in “The Purge March”.

Well, aside from the electricity of the taser.

I believe this is because “The Purge March” places more emphasis on the baton as the weapon, but there’s the thing. The baton and the wand aren’t the same thing. Not only is the baton longer, it has absolutely no allusions to thunder or electricity whatsoever. But since they’re both connected to the murder, I believe they’re both different murder weapons. The baton is the blunt object which actually killed the victim, and the wand is the taser.

That would explain how Amane was able to overpower an adult. She first incapacitated her mother with the taser, then started beating her with the "baton". It would also explain why she went into the murder room on her own. She was looking for the taser.

This is "Magic"'s kill-shot, I think. She points the wand at the screen, in a way which sorta looks vaguely like holding a taser, while these lyrics play.

I take an oath! I can only become a better girl!

And we've established what being a good girl is in the eyes of the cult, someone who punishes evil.

Q4: Do you think that your family is proud of you? A: Of course. No daughter is as exemplary as I.

Isn't that a concerning sentence.

Add this to the list of reasons I don't think she killed a cult leader. At the end of "Magic", after this shot, we see her among the four mascots with no indication any of them are hurt.

"Magic" underplays violence a lot, but I think for the murder, that takes the form of hiding the mother from view entirely, behind the camera.

So, a summary of how I think the murder went down.

Closing Argument wait wrong series

-After seeing the cat has died, Amane decided her mother should be punished as per the cult's beliefs. But she isn't looking to get forgiveness out of her mother; Amane was never forgiven, so her mother wouldn't be either.

-However, she wasn't able to get to the plan right away. Her mother was angry at her some nonsensical reason and waterboarded her before she could do anything.

-At one point, her mother left the bathroom, leaving the water running. Amane rolls over on the floor in pain and exhaustion, which is what we see in the silhouette scene in "Undercover".

-After catching her breath, Amane stands and leaves. She needs to look for the taser her mother usually used to punish her. She goes the other way her mother went, into the dininig/living room/bedroom/whatever it is, and picks it up.

-Her mother noticed the water puddles leading to the murder room, and followed Amane in. When she did, she saw her rummaging around somewhere she shouldn't have been, so she rushed further into the room to stop her.

-Too late. Amane had picked up the taser, and now turned to shock her. Her mother was incapacitated instantly, falling to the floor and writhing in pain.

-Amane grabbed an umbrella/baton/convenient cylinder and started beating her mother with it. This is the "Undercover" kill-shot. Even though her mother plead for forgiveness, Amane wouldn't listen, the same way her mother hadn’t listened to her pleas of forgiveness.

-The mother managed to briefly push Amane off, and tried to crawl away. But Amane quickly recovered and kept going until her mother was fully dead.

-Amane stepped off her mother's corpse, stepping over her and turning to look at it. By dealing out punishment, she has become the perfect follower for the cult. The March Leader.

What did we learn?

Well, uh, not much. Apart from morbid curiosity, there isn't much to gain from murder method usually. But there's still a few observations we can gleam.

For one, the whole thing with Gozake and its connection to the murder because of the waterboard thing, and possibly the "Undercover" silhouette scene. But if I'm right about the taser thing, then that means Amane's murder was more well-thought out than we had believed. Something like going to pick up the taser isn't exactly something that comes from a heat of the moment decision. She went in not just with an intent to kill, but an actual plan. Combined with an evidently high pain tolerance, seeing as she did all this right after being tortured, this poses her as quite a dangerous character.

Basically, I think it’s silly to say Shidou wouldn’t be killed by this kid. Y'all we might be fucked.

Verdict

(Oh yeah this is a thing we have to do)

First, I want to clarify: I do not have all the information here, so you probably shouldn't listen to me. Again, I've been here two days. But still, I think voting innocent is the... uh, better answer.

I'm gonna be real, I don't think either of the options are good here. A guilty verdict would make her significantly more volatile, because as we've seen, Amane reacts violently to being hurt. She's also not going to listen to us, since she's claimed she won't listen to the voices. I don't think she's telling the complete truth there, but the sentiment is likely true, she will not be swayed by just us. But an innocent verdict would validate the cult's beliefs of idolizing punishment, which would encourage her to attack Shidou.

But here's the thing. If she doesn't listen to us on guilty verdicts, it's possible she won't care too much about us validating the cult's beliefs. I think the act of forgiving her and showing we're not trying to hurt her is probably the best way we have right now of trying to reach her.

The only argument for guilty would be trying to get the physical restraints on her so she doesn't kill anyone, but I'm not sure we should trust that aspect of the first trial guilty verdicts to apply very well to this situation. If I'm right about her murder method, it would actually probably be pretty difficult to stop her I think, and as far as I'm aware there's not even confirmation the same rules from the first trial will apply again (I might be wrong about that). Frankly, I think as long as we can secure an inno on Kazui, we'll be safe from actual murder so long as we're able to keep Amane as predictable as possible. A guilty verdict would make her more unpredictable, I think, so an inno verdict would be better?

Frankly, I don't know. I think we're fucked either way. All the verdicts of the first trial, not just hers, have led us to quite the mess, but it was never going to go any different way. Shit was always going to get wild.

So here's my final conclusion: since I don't think the verdict can be trusted to properly help the group one way or another, we should vote to help Amane, the only one we know we can reach with this vote. And right now, she needs an innocent verdict.

Also I am insanely biased this kid needs help I'm not guiltying her. Call that part of the Milgram experiment ig.

Conclusion

The Purge March gives us better insight into the actual beliefs of the cult, mainly in relation to their views of punishment and reform. We also got a more detailed look at Amane’s murder, and the motivations behind what she did. Overall, while neither voting option seems great at the moment, that’s because they are unlikely to help with the tensions in the group. That means we’re going to have to vote for Amane, and the only way we’re going to make progress with her is by voting innocent. At least, that’s my view.

This was fun! I look forward to diving into the other MVs and going insane over them too, but for now I wanted to start with this one since it’s the most recent one and the one which actually piqued my interest enough to check out Milgram. If you made it this far into my insane ramblings, then… may kami-sama have mercy on your soul. Take care!

(Oh also tagging @sunlit-haru because he asked nicely)

[crunchy-drag0nn]

befriending the one (apandah x reader) 1/3

“hey everybody, welcome to episode #91 of the sleep deprived podcast!” schlatt yelled. “today, we have a special guest! her name is y/n!” “hey everyone!” you greeted. “we have an awesome episode for you today, panda will be leading us in conversation. right now.” schlatt said. “yeah, i had chick-fil-a today. it sucked.” panda started going on a rant about how much he hated chick-fil-a and how much he loved popeyes and dominos. you didn’t really say much, but eventually you had to let in some of your input. “i hate pizza hut.” which everyone agreed, panda especially. and you started ranting about pizza hut, how horrid it is, and it shouldn’t exist. and panda paid close attention to everything you said, like you were fascinating to him in some way. and after you all finished recording, panda DMed you.

p- hey y/n i just wanted to talk about popeyes w u y- i think i’m going to go to bed, but we will later i promise!! p-ok, goodnight then y-goodnight panda!

you did eventually talk about popeyes with him, over a discord call a day or two later. it was seemingly 3 or 4 in the morning, and you two were just talking and ranting about popeyes and all of your favorite interests and such. you two were really different, and yet, got along so well.

and that’s how it stayed for a couple months to maybe even a year. you two talking everyday, about seemingly whatever came to mind. eventually, you did become a member of the sleep deprived podcast, and you and panda continued to get closer, when one day he DMed you.

p- hey when can we meet up???? y- good question.. wyd next month p- well hopefully i’m coming to see you y- i live in new york, how far is that from where you are? p- not far!!! i’ll see you next month!!! y- yay..

but alas, you couldn’t dwell on the situation too much, you had a silly podcast to film.

*while filming*

“panda i hope you know when you get here to my house, you’re on dish duty. for the entire time that you’re here.” you joked. “fine, but you’re on cooking duty!” panda yelled back. “panda im convinced the whole reason you’re meeting up with y/n is because you’ve never felt the touch of a woman and need to experience it,” aztro stated, laughing almost before they could finish their sentence. schlatt and mika agreed with aztro, and panda scrambled for words, trying to explain that he and you were just friends meeting up and that it wasn’t anything else. you giggled, siding with panda. “we’re just friends meeting up, that’s all it is!!” is what you demanded, but mika wasn’t listening. see, you’d been texting mika about panda the past couple months. take yesterday's text as an example..

y- MIKA MIKA MIKA m- hello y- i think pandas flirting with me but i could just be delusional m- what did he say? y- so he sent a selfie of himself and i said “omg ur hair is making me twirl my hair and kick my feet while giggling” and he replied “it’s not as gorgeous as yours, toots” m- you’re not delusional for once y- he’s so fine it’s insane

it was time. you and panda were finally meeting up. you’d cleaned your house 9 times, back to back, praying it was clean enough. he texted you when he needed you to come pick him up and what gate, and you jumped in your car to go get him. once you arrived at the airport and got to baggage claim to go meet him, the nerves set in. and the second you saw him running towards you, you gave him the biggest hug ever. you could tell he was touch starved, he just wouldn’t let go of you. “alright boss man, let’s get you home,” you eventually said, making him let go while he stammered out incoherent words. he grabbed his bags and such and you two left, going back to your house.

[notanettelmao]

Magic Bullet

Also on AO3

(TW rewrite)

Fandoms: Teen Wolf, Supernatural Warnings: usual TW and SPN stuff Pairings: Stiles Stilinski x reader Words: 2,2k

<<;back // next>>

Chris Argent was on his way out the front door when the two girls, both looking tired, appeared at the top of the stairs.

“What’s going on?” Allison asked her father, while Y/N inspected the duffle bag he had over his shoulder. She immediately tensed. 

“Your aunt Kate texted. She’s having car trouble,” Argent smiled at his daughter. Y/N could tell the smile was fake. She frowned and leaned her head to the side a bit, while she raised an eyebrow at the man downstairs.

“Car trouble?” She asked. Chris’ lips twitched as he kept the smile on his face. 

“Yes. A flat tire. Why don’t you two go back to sleep? You have school in the morning.” Allison nodded and disappeared back into her room, not catching the lie in her father’s words. Y/N slowly walked down the stairs so she didn’t have to talk loudly and risk Allison overhearing.

“Car trouble, huh? Does the car have a bit of fur, glowy eyes, and fangs?” She quietly asked, grabbing his duffle bag and feeling up the stuff inside it through the cloth of the bag.

“Maybe. Go back to bed. You don’t want me to call your brothers, do you?” Argent asked. The youngest Winchester rolled her eyes. 

“As if I haven’t already called them.” She mumbled under her breath, watching Argent leave.

⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆

“Sammy I’m telling you she’s creepy as hell. Not as creepy as Victoria, but the has some kind of bad feeling about her. I don’t know how to explain it. She has the vibes of a person that likes to fuck up teenagers,” Y/N was walking to school as she explained to her brother everything about her meeting Kate Argent just a few minutes earlier.

“It can’t be that bad, can it? Anyway, I have some news. Are you ready?” Sam asked. She could hear him talk to Dean about something.

“Yeah, I think so. What am I supposed to be ready for?” Y/N looked around and then crossed the road toward a park. She could hear someone say something that sounded like ‘do it now’ and then there was a familiar whoosh of air behind her that made her freeze in place.

“You’re kidding.” She said, her voice shaking.

“I’m not. He might be kinda… Not in the right head space but it’s him.” Sam said before he said his goodbyes and hung up, leaving her to deal with the situation alone. She slowly lowered the phone from her ear and took a deep breath before turning around. And there he stood. The first thing she noticed was the lack of a tie, but after that, he just turned into a blurry figure as her eyes filled up with tears. 

“Cas!” She squealed, jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly. 

“Hello Y/N,” he said. Y/N wiped her tears into his trenchcoat before looking up at him and touching his cheek.

“Oh my god, it’s really you! I- How? When? Why didn’t you all call me right away?” She wanted to ask much more but she didn’t get the chance. There was a blue jeep approaching. It stopped on the side of the road right next to the park and honked to get Y/N’s attention.

“Oh, that’s Stiles. C’mon, I have to introduce you two. All I’m saying is he made me mad a few days ago and is currently trying to make it up. Don’t you dare say anything to Dean or he will come here and threaten him with a gun or something,” Y/N grabbed Cas by his arm and pulled him towards the jeep. 

“Is he your boyfriend?” Castiel asked staring at Stiles through the window. Y/N choked on air. 

“Wha- No. Why is everyone- Nevermind.” She shook her head and smiled at Stiles as he slowly rolled down his window. 

“Hi.” She said.

“Hi?” Stiles asked and looked at Castiel.

“Hello. I am Castiel.” Cas said, making Y/N facepalm. 

“I’ll explain later. Cas this is Stiles. He is one of my friends. Stiles, this is Castiel. I will tell you more about him when we get to school. We are going to be late,” she checked the time on her phone. 

“I will get back to your brothers. Pray if you need me,” Castiel said and with a blink of an eye, he was gone. Stiles just stared with his mouth open. Y/N giggled when she saw him and quickly hopped inside the jeep.

“Close your mouth, Stilinski.”

⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆

Y/N spent the whole day at school with headphones in her ears, ignoring the not-so-quiet whispers of her two friends about who could have bitten Scott if not Derek. She was too happy about Castiel being alive to get herself involved in conversations. 

At the end of all of their classes, she walked out of the school building listening to Stiles explaining all of Scott’s concerns. So she basically knew everything that happened while her earphones were blasting music the whole day anyway.

“Oh- my god!” Stiles suddenly hit the brakes right after they got out of his parking spot. 

“What-” Y/N looked up from her belt buckle. She noticed Derek in front of the car, not looking good. 

“Dammit,” she quickly unbuckled herself and jumped out of the jeep. She got next to Derek just as his legs gave out and he was about to fall.

“Crap, Stiles help me get him inside of the jeep,” she shot her friend a look and started making tiny steps towards the passenger seat. She was holding Derek up by herself until Stiles finally remembered how to function and helped hold him up from the other side. They helped the werewolf up on the seat and Y/N buckled his belt, just in case. She closed the door and then got into the backseat through Stiles’ side. Stiles quickly climbed into the driver's seat and started the car, just when Scott finally decided to show up.

“What the hell?” The young wolf asked Derek, who wasn’t looking so great. 

“I was shot,” Derek groaned. That made Y/N lean over to look over the seat. She was trying to find the bullet wound. 

“Why aren’t you healing?” Scott asked again. Y/n was considering slapping him in the face. It was obvious hunters were involved. And hunters meant wolfsbane. Also Argents, but that was not the problem right now. 

“Derek, who shot you?” She asked quickly, but Derek ignored her.

“It was a different kind of bullet. I can’t heal.”

“What, a silver bullet?” Stiles asked excitedly. Y/N smacked his head. 

“He is dying. Why are you excited? How do you want to explain a dead criminal inside of your car to your dad?” She whisper yelled. Stiles’ eyes grew wide as if he just realized this. 

“Wait, that’s what she meant when she said you had forty-eight hours-” Scott said.

“Who- who said forty-eight hours?” Derek groaned.

“The one who shot you,” Scott said as if it was obvious. Y/N wanted to scream. Derek groaned in pain, this time his eyes flashed. Y/N quickly put her hands on his face so she covered them up. 

“Winchester, you are lucky I like you or I would rip your hands off right now,” Derek mumbled. 

“Scott you need to figure out what kind of bullet they used,” Y/N looked at her friend.

“What? Why me?” 

“Because you are dating Allison. And the person who shot Derek is her aunt. She has them stashed in her room, most probably,” Y/N explained already trying to come up with a plan B. 

“Why should I help him?” Scott asked. 

“Because if you don’t I’m going to mix all the wolfsbane that’s in the house and shove it down your throat while you sleep. Now go!” Y/N shoved Scott’s chest through the window and told Stiles to drive.

⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆

They were driving through the streets of Beacon Hills when Y/N realized they were on the way toward the preserve.

“Stiles, stop the car.”

“Why? We are almost there.”

“Almost where?” Derek joined the conversation.

“Your house,” Stiles said as he parked the jeep. Derek quickly turned to look at him and just as he opened his mouth to say something, Y/N beat him to it.

“Stiles, you can’t take him to his house. He was shot. By a hunter. Who knows where he lives and who probably came only to finish the job,” Y/N explained. Derek winced at the last part but Stiles ignored it, he didn’t know the full story anyway so he didn’t find it weird. 

“Where am I supposed to take him then?” He asked.

“I don’t know. I’ll call Scott. Drive somewhere else though,” Y/N already pulled out her phone and searched for Scott’s number.

“But-”

“Start the car and drive. Now. Or I’m gonna rip your throat out… with my teeth.” 

⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆

They ended up going to the animal clinic. Stiles and Derek were in the middle of a fight about Stiles chopping Derek’s arm off when Y/N got an idea. 

“Noone is going to chop anyone’s arm off,” she said quickly coming over to get the saw away from them. 

“But-” Stiles started just as Derek collapsed.

“Fuck. Castiel if you hear me this is the time for you to show up. Please.” 

“Like the dude from this morning?” Stiles asked and let out a noise when the trenchcoated man appeared right in front of him. 

“You need my help?” Castiel asked. Y/N quickly pulled him towards Derek.

“Heal him. Please. We are running out of time and Scott got held up and-” Y/N started explaining everything at once. Castiel just pressed his fingers to Derek’s forehead and let his hand glow. Stiles watched all of the black veins disappear from Derek’s body. 

“Whoa,” he let out and leaned closer so he could get a better view. 

“There,” Cas said. 

“Thank you. Thank you so much Cas,” Y/N hugged him. At the same time, Derek opened his eyes and sat up with a gasp. 

“I have the bullet!” Scott ran through the door just a few seconds later.

⋆⋆⋆⋆⋆

After Stiles went home, Derek took Y/N, Scott, and Cas to the hospital. He wanted to show Scott how kind is the family of hunters he likes so much. Y/N was there as a support and Cas just tagged along. They walked through the corridors until they got to the room  Derek wanted Scott to see. 

“Why are we here?” Scott asked, looking around the room.

“Who is he?” He asked again when he saw the man in a wheelchair. 

“That’s Peter Hale,” Y/N mumbled loud enough for the wolves to hear. Derek nodded.

“He is my uncle.”

“Is he… Like you? A werewolf?” Scott looked like he was scared to move.

“He was. Now, he’s barely even human. Six years ago, my sister and I were at school. Our house caught on fire. There were eleven people inside. He was the only survivor.”

“And you are telling me because…?” Y/N groaned. Scott was so dumb.

“He’s telling you because the Argents set the fire,” Y/N explained.

“What makes you so sure?” Y/N was ready to jump at Scott and beat him up with the bullet she had in her pocket. 

“Because they were the only ones that knew about us!” Derek said angrily. 

“Should I heal him?” Castiel asked and everyone in the room stopped what they were doing. They all slowly turned to look at him (except Peter of course). Y/N blinked a few times and then exchanged a few looks with Derek, who looked like he might pass out. 

“You can heal him?”

“I mean, I did cure you from the wolfsbane. I think few burns are nothing.” Castiel explained himself. Y/N frowned. 

“But the brain trauma- and-” Castiel placed a hand on her shoulder. 

“I pulled your brother out of hell Y/N, I also took on your other brother’s pain which sent me into a mental hospital. I am still not quite okay but I will help whenever I can.” Castiel said and took a few steps towards Peter. He placed his hand on Peter’s head and let it glow, letting the angel magic do its thing. They all watched as Peter’s scars disappeared and his eyes started sparking with life. Just as the last few scars vanished his eyes shone blue, making Derek respond with his own blue ones. 

“Thank you,” Derek said as he looked from Castiel to his uncle, who was now looking around trying to understand what was going on. Cas only nodded and turned towards Y/N to smile at her. Y/N knew he was ready to go. She waved at him and watched him teleport away. Scott was standing in the corner of the room looking confused as hell. 

“Come on Scott, let’s leave them to catch up,” the Winchester said. Derek shot her a thankful look as he watched her and Scott go. 

“You really need to explain who the man in the trenchcoat is,” Scott mumbled.

“I will when Stiles is there also. I don’t feel like explaining it twice.”

[theoceantot]

Chapter 4

It was morning time. The birds were chirping loudly and the butterfly hashira was checking on all her patients making sure they were all in stable condition. Meanwhile you were still sleeping peacefully in your purple crib dreaming about chasing butterflies with your mama. Then all of a sudden in the dream turned dark and you saw a woman that looked like you.

No

It WAS you

Your eyes were glowing a bright purple and you had butterfly wings on your back that were slightly flapping. Your other self approached you slowly trying not to scare you knowing that your still in your little space.

"You're the first demon that will be able to counter the sun. But be careful. It wont take long for Muzan and the other demons to find out"

"Why you have wings?"

"You'll get them soon enough honey. We aren't strong but we can make ourselves useful in other ways"

The dream was beginning to fade to white and the older version of you was slowly dissapearing.

"Looks like you're waking up. Be safe and look out for Shinobu"

Your eyes slowly opened to see Shinobu standing above your crib smiling softly. She carefully helped you out of your crib and changed you into a cute outfit.

"You look so cute today Y/n. I guess you look cute every day though"

The two of you planned to play in your room for a bit and then feed you a bottle but Kanao and Aoi came in the nursery looking concerned and worried.

"Tomioka is here" Aoi said with wide eyes

"He knows" Kanao said and looked at you with worry

Shinobu maintained her composure and stood up gently taking your hand and walking towards her office. When the two arrived Tomioka has his blade in his hands ready to attack if necessary. Shinobu glared at him and stood in front of you protectively.

"Why are you helping a demon. Its not like you at all"

"Thats none of your business Tomioka" Shinobu said through gritted teeth.

At this point you were starting to connect the dots and it scared you to the point of crying and running off.

"Y/N WAIT, YOU CAN'T RUN OUTSIDE" Shinobu called after you as she and Giyu tried to catch up to you. They didn't make it in time. The door was open and the sun was shining in. Shinobu was crying at this point thinking you were gonna turn into ash

But you were fine

You were alive

Shinobu was too shocked to move so Giyu quickly grabbed you and shut the door. Since you were scared of him you started to cry and scream yelling for your caregiver. Shinobu snapped out of it and got you away from Giyu. She held you in her arms as you cried. The only thing you could say was "Mama" Shinobu knew you were probably regressed very young due to the stress of the situation.

After awhile you tired yourself out where you fell asleep on her. She tried to move but you wouldn't let her. Giyu sat on the floor in front of you two and looked down at you.

'She's not dangerous just scared'

"I owe you an explanation"

"You do"

A tick mark appeared on her forhead

"I found her on the last mission I went on. She was going to die if I didn't help. She was injured but her wounds didn't heal right away. In fact it took a few days for them to be completely healed" Shinobu explained.

"Her being immune to sunlight makes me happy but it also scares me. Now Muzan and all the other demons are going to try and take her"

Shinobu held you closer

"What about the way she acts? Why does she act like a infant?"

"Shes an age regressor. Its when a person reverts back to a younger state of mind due to trauma or just to use as a coping mechanism"

Giyu nodded in understanding. He didn't completely understand but he wasn't judging either.

"Do you mind carrying Y/n to her room?"

Giyu carefully picked you up and went to your nursery where he layed you down and covered you in a purple blanket. He couldn't believe that this sweet girl was a demon.

Meanwhile, Shinobu sent her crow to Kagaya to inform him of everything and that a meeting needed to happen. She prayed that everything would go well and that the other hashira would accept you.

Shinobu headed to your nursery and when she opened the door she saw you playing with Giyus hair fascinated about how long it was. Shinobu started to laugh while Giyu sat next to the crib with a blank expression on his face.

"Awwww are you having fun with Tomioka baby?"

You quickly nod a bright smile on your face.

"How did you get her to like you?" Shinobu whispered

"I had some candy I forgot about"

[youreacroftlara]

When the bell above the door chimes at ten to five, signalling a customer has just walked into the cafe, Ava is relieved that she finally has something to do.

She places the two bags of coffee beans she’d been trying to juggle – yes, she was that bored okay – back on their shelves and turns to face whoever has just entered the cafe.

Ava is not prepared, however, to come face to face with the prettiest woman she’s ever seen. Because shit, this is not just any old customer, ohhh no. The person who has walked through the door just so happens to be Ava’s secret customer crush.

Crush, yes, because even though she’s only served her, like, once – and Hans the other three times (not that she’s jealous or anything) - Ava’s pretty confident that she’s a little bit in love with this woman.

But can you blame her? She’s drop-dead gorgeous - her hair is perfectly tied back, enough so that it shows off her delicate jaw and under the glow of the cafe lights, her skin shimmers like caramel.

There’s a dusting of freckles on her cheeks and on the bridge of her nose that Ava wants to spend hours mapping. But the real kicker? It’s the woman’s big, beautiful hazel eyes that take up the entire room, the same ones that bore into Ava’s soul every time she asks for a flat white with oat milk.

Which is precisely what she orders when she reaches the counter Ava’s standing behind. “Good afternoon, please can I have a flat white?”

Did she forget to mention the woman is fucking British too? Like goddamn, Ava’s bisexual ass never stood a chance.

Ava flashes her a dazzling smile, praying it doesn’t come off as creepy or anything.

“Sure! You take it with oat milk, right?” she clarifies, which draws a look of surprise from the customer.

“Yes, with oat milk,” the woman nods, giving her a small but impressed smile that turns Ava’s insides into mush.

She wishes she knew her name, but the woman only seems to come into the cafe during the quieter hours. She’s never around for the morning rush when Hans instructs his baristas to ask customers for names so they can write them on the coffee cups… oh!

Ava’s a fucking genius. Why doesn’t she just ask the woman now under the pretence that she needs it for her order? Ha, this plan is foolproof!

She picks up one of the smaller takeout cups and a pen and pulls off the lid. “Can I take your name?” Ava asks, feeling smug with herself for thinking of such a clever idea.

The customer’s face turns into one of confusion. “My name?” she says slowly.

“Yeah, you know,” Ava explains, tapping the pen on the side of the cardboard. “For the cup.”

“Oh, okay” the woman replies, looking a little lost. She doesn’t reply straight away, and instead glances around the cafe with a raised brow.

At first, Ava isn’t sure why the woman is so confused by her request, but then it dawns on her. The cafe is completely empty, and Ava’s crush is the only customer here. It’s obvious that she wouldn’t need to take a name for an order when there's no one else in line. Ava mentally kicks herself for not considering this sooner.

Oh smooth, Ava, real smooth.

Her face feels hot, and there’s a moment when Ava considers backtracking and brushing off her previous request, but the woman finally speaks up before she gets a chance.

“It’s 'Beatrice,'" she offers kindly, her tone warm.

Ava is so shocked that the hot customer has actually decided to humor her request, that she nearly misses her name entirely. She clears her throat and reiterates. “ Beatrice ?”

“Yes,” Beatrice clarifies, looking far too amused about this whole situation.

Ava feels hot with embarrassment at her failed attempt at subtlety. "Right, Beatrice," she repeats, hastily scribbling the name onto the cup before affixing the lid. "Thanks for that…I’ll just, you know…go make your coffee!” She points to the machine behind her.

Ava turns to start preparing the order, but Beatrice calls back out to her before she gets a chance to make a start.

“Wait, don’t I need to pay first?”

Shit, yeah. God, how could she forget one of the most important parts of the customer journey?

Ava turns back round to face Beatrice and rings the register. “Oh…yeah ha! Silly me!”

Well, on a scale of one to ten on how flustered she’s feeling right now, Ava reckons she’s a solid eleven and a half. What is it with her and hot women? She can leap from buildings that are hundreds of feet in the air, or swing at speeds of up to sixty miles per hour, putting her body through countless g-forces, but when she tries to talk to one pretty girl, all her normal motor functions fly out of the window.

“That’ll be $5.50,” Ava stammers out once she’s finally put Beatrice’s order through the till. “Cash or Card?”

“Cash if that’s okay,” Beatrice pulls out her wallet and fishes out some dollar bills. She’s just about to hand them over when her eyes shoot open almost comically. “Oh my god,” she gasps. “You’re bleeding!”

——————

Or, the spider-man coffee shop au - read it all here!

[kirklandsheartsecrets]

What would it be like for the brothers if their partner has a dangerous job that they're heavily dedicated to? Like that occult detective one that I came across, Arthur knows she's capable since she's smart and knows how to fight with or without magic. But she's still human and her fights are against supernatural beings, and maybe there was this one incident where she went missing for a month because she banished a monster along with herself because she needed to push it down inside the portal. She came back, but she looked roughed up after spending a whole month in another realm and probably took her time to get home.

UK brothers x reader II reader with a dangerous job II headcanons

England

as you described it, he knows its fine

however he also keeps in mind that you're only human

no matter what abilities you have

death is still possible

overthinker kind

he needs updates

at least 2 a day

so a whole month with no sign ?

The whole government is looking for you

will scold

scold loudly im sorry

doesn't mean he doesn't understand your job

he actually understands it better than anyone

won't tell you to be careful

but will look for a solution for keeping in touch if that happens

quite surprised by the roughed up appearance

doesn't make jokes about it

he is a serious man

also he wants to be involved too

your dedication is his dedication

wales

worried about it on a deeper level

but

acts like a sociopath about it

it's like he choose to be disconnected about this part of your life

knows your'e your own individual

so he doesn't try to change your mind over it

you wanna die ?

OK

next question please

when you come back after this month

he almost ignores you

sociopath about it but also doesn't want to bother you ??

help him

does wonders how you'll die to be honest

Northern ireland

admirative

wants to be involved so bad

but does tries to give you other job ideas

you have to travel a lot, in our world but other universes

tries to keep you in the UK

''You know, monsters do exist in the UK, don't you take care of these''

the only monster you'll catch there is kids at the back of the bus

dedicated in your job ?

He is dedicated on trying to keep you home in the morning

does a really great job on it

but you still have to go and often unexpectedly

no life signals for one month

asking england for help

starts worrying deadly after a week

when you come back he is literally crying

will never get used to your dangerous job

needs a lot of reassurance about it

ireland

doesn't take this seriously

but in a dangerous way

do not wait until it's too late for him to realise

so it needs a proper talk just the two of you

supports you anyways in this job you're doing

but wouldn't want to be involved either

immortal but it's too much for him

thinks you're smart so you'll be fine

that's not how it works Sean

sees it as military kind of dangerous

no matter how hard you tried to explain he is taking this too lightly

but he prays for you often

owns many good luck charms of all kinds that he shares to you

when you were gone for a whole month

he wasn't worried

he was just curious

the longer you leave

the more you'll have to tell him

needs a wake up call, coming back roughly after one month isn't enough for him

sadly

scotland

lord above

what the fuck were you thinking

wasn't there another way to push it in the portal ?

You're smarter than this [NAME]

literally the think [NAME] THINK ! Meme

not calm about this whole dangeorus job situation

keeps reminding you your mortal condition

asks if he can do the job for you

you came back to a really angry scotland

you were of course exhausted but this was not what you expected

):<

angry scotland waiting for you everyday at the door

started worrying after 4 days

but that's because he really loves you

he tries to cherish every moment with you

call him selfish but he doesn't want you to die because of this job

even if it was for honor