#i think i was just. straight up too fucking tired
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Husband!Sukuna who isn’t sensitive, he swears. But when it’s you? He’s still not sensitive. Just… alert, if you will. Tense even. But not sensitive. Affection starved? Perhaps, but he won’t ever say that to you.
Husband!Sukuna doesn’t even realize how much his body longs for your touch. In the beginning of your relationship with him, he used to curse you out for touching him too often but now? Ever so softly would Sukuna relax after a touch from you.
His favorite touches from you come from when you’re half-asleep.
Early in the morning, practically at the crack of dawn, you’d wake up and turn to your grumpy husband. He’s never truly asleep but he often pretends to be, something you’d picked up on a long time ago.
Even so, he’d feel you move around in the bed but what always gets him is you tossing your leg over him and laying half of your body on top of his, your head using his naked chest as a pillow.
Husband!Sukuna swears he hates when you do that—or that’s what he tells you anyway. Then comes your hand, snaking up his chest, feeling every cut and crease of his abs until you reach his neck.
Then your finger is outlining his jawline. That drives him mad, such a soft and faint touch that makes him swallow thickly as he body struggles not to react to you.
He’s not sensitive. But he is tense.
Following those gentle touches is something you'd never dare to do when you're not in your sleep-induced state. You sit up and comfort yourself right on his lap, thighs spread over your husband, who's currently pretending to be asleep.
Though, his false state of rest falters when you get on top of him, your hands pressed so lightly on his chest and your panty-clad cunt resting right over his rising cock. He really was a simple male at heart, despite not showing it or expressing it much, if ever at all.
Eyes cracking open and settling on you, the woman in which he's decided to claim as his wife, your Husband!Sukuna releases a long sigh and his hands begin to move, finding their rightful place on your thighs.
Your skin is so fucking soft in comparison to his own, rough fingers caressing your thighs as Sukuna swears he's dreaming because just who exactly has given you permission to mount him in such a sexual manner?
"Woman," Sukuna grunts out, "Get off me."
A smile, one that he enjoys seeing deep deep deep down inside, graces your tired features and it makes his body freeze up a little, "Husband," You call out mockingly, "Has anyone ever told you how handsome you look while you're sleeping?"
"No." He answers boringly.
You chuckle and it makes his ears twitch, "Are you aware that even in your sleep your brows tense up?" You murmur to the man as you take one finger and bring it up to his brows, poking the space in between them, "Hm?"
His grouchy facial expression doesn't change, "I am now," He replies, voice raspy and making you squirm slightly in his lap, "Are you aware that after being fucked for five hours straight you wake up the next morning annoying me more than normal?"
Your head tilts as you flash him those loving eyes of yours with a grin far too cheerful for these early mornings, "I'm annoying you?"
"Yes." He deadpans.
"Aw," You weigh forward over your husband and plant a sweet kiss right onto the skin of his tatted forehead, "Love you too 'Kuna."
There's this weird chill that shudders throughout his body as your lips press against his skin and he frowns before muttering, "Get off of me."
Your grin widens and you plant a few more pecks of affection all over his aggravated expression, "Mmmmmh, no."
"Insufferable you are, truly." Sukuna sighs and his big hands travel upward along the softness of your thighs, soothing over your legs back and forth in a way that's almost tender.
Your lips meet his jaw and you lick him, to which he kisses his teeth. "You said the same thing during our wedding night I believe," You remind him.
A thick brow of his arches, "And?"
"I think being mean is your love language." You lean back up and stare down at the full glory of your husband.
Ruby red eyes all low up on you, almost as if you were the only thing worth gazing upon, "Mh." He hums.
The look on your face changes a bit as the sun peeking into your bedroom filters around your sleeping space and casts a warm glow against your grumpy husband's features. You run your hands down his tattooed chest again and whisper his name beneath your breath, "Sukuna..."
He glares at you, like always, and his tone is beyond flat, "Woman."
And suddenly you're smiling, "Ryomen."
"Don't," He huffs before rolling his eyes elsewhere. You only ever call him that when you're about to say-
"I love you."
It's quiet for a long awkward moment, as always whenever you utter those three words to him. Husband!Sukuna can't stand it when you say that. It's such a ridiculous thing for humans to say.
So, instead of saying it back, he just grumbles an (attempted) affectionate, "I tolerate you too."
As always, you're left baffled by the difficulty he finds in saying he loves you too, "I-"
"Now get off me, I won't tell you again." Your husband scoffs with this cute, yet still grumpy, scrunch of his nose.
Just staring down at him makes you want to devour him whole. How can this big softy possibly be the king of curses who many fear to much.
Hell, you don't even hesitate to reply to his order with one of your own, "Make me."
Who would expect anything less from the wife of Sukuna Ryomen, of course you don't follow his every command like everyone else, he married you for that reason exactly. "Testing my patience early today, huh?" Sukuna asks, giving you little to no time to reply before he's moving.
Now, sometimes you forget the sheer size difference between you and your husband. Which is completely okay, he's sure to remind you of it within a few seconds as he flips you over onto your back and pins you down onto the bed below.
Pink hair all ruffled, expression as pouty and irritated as always, like some kinda' big cat, and beefy arms pinning you with a force that's so notably gentle you can't help the smile that sparks across your face.
Giggling too, "Hi Ryo'."
He grits his teeth at the sound of that nickname but the corner of his lips twitch, "....Hi wife." Sukuna say begrudgingly. Then... Then comes your full smile. "Don't make that face, you look foolish."
"I'm smiling?" You snort as your brows meet.
He scoffs, "Foolish."
Your hands rise up to his face to cup in your palms, to which he instantly leans into your touch. "It's okay to soften up every now and then, y'know."
His gaze does exactly that and he presses his cheek further against the warmth of your hands, "This is me softening up."
"You do so very poorly," You tell him honestly.
And to your surprise, Sukuna blinks. "Teach me, then."
"Hm?"
He leans down, past your touch, and whispers against your lips, "Teach me to be soft." He says lovingly before kissing you.
You merely melt into the connection of his lips to yours. Your arms loop around his neck and you hold him close as you pry from him to whisper right back, "It's not hard, just... talk nicer to me."
His eyes narrow skeptically, "Is that truly what you want?"
"I wouldn't mind it, yes." You taunt with a little shrug.
With a heavy sigh, Sukuna repositions his large body in between your legs, "Just for now then."
You look down and scoff lightly, "Hm?"
"I'll be 'soft" while you rid me of this," He continues, pressing the large curve of his hardened cock right against your flimsy panties.
Your eyebrows shoot up and your lashes bat at his words, "Oh, so you're gonna talk me through it for once?"
Sukuna draws his hips back just a little, only to rock the forwards against your warm clothed cunt seconds latter, chuckling cockily, "Don't I always?"
Your lips pull into a thin line, as best as you can, while you glare up at him, "No, you curse me through it."
"You enjoy it," He says with a shrug., working up that delicious friction between his body and yours.
Your gaze wonders elsewhere for a mere moment as you allow your legs to then wrap around his waist and encourage his grind against you. Then, with parted lips and a shaky sigh, "Yes, but it'd be nice for you to talk nicer to me sometimes."
"Mhm," Sukuna nods genuinely. Surely, whatever his wife desires of him... he'll be sure to put forth his best effort in satisfying said desire, "I will try. Now, let's get all this off of you..."
#jjk smut#jjk x you#jjk x reader smut#jjk x y/n#jjk x reader#jjk#sukuna ryomen x reader#sukuna x reader smut#jjk sukuna#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna jjk#sukuna ryomen#jujutsu kaisen sukuna#ryomen sukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna#sukuna ryoumen smut#sukuna ryoumen x you#sukuna ryoumen x reader#sukuna ryoumen fluff#jjk ryomen#jujutsu kaisen ryomen#ryomen x reader#sukuna ryomen smut#jujutsu ryomen#husband!sukuna
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Aftermath - Chapter 5
Aftermath - MV33 - Chapter 1 Aftermath - Chapter 2 Aftermath - Chapter 3 Aftermath - Chapter 4 Master List
When Lando leaves you heartbroken after you get tired of trying to make something out of nothing for far too long, Max steps in to help you pick up the pieces.
warnings: this chapter contains language and descriptions that illustrate abuse (mental and emotional). please don't engage with my work if you find any of the topics triggering. lando is, once again, an absolute asshole in this. i'd also like to point out that this is a character i am writing, i in no way am insinuating or implying the real lando is like this in any way.
pairing: max verstappen x leclercsister!reader
word count: 4k or something like that?
(Everyone say ‘thank you’ to @lestapiastrisgirl for beta reading and helping me through late night plot crisis so this can come out today!!)
f1.gossip.source posted
f1.gossip.source It's been months since @/Lando and @/MissLeClerc have been spotted togtether and we're starting to wonder...are they even together anymore?! Lando was spotted out alone in Monaco, looking annoyed at fans calling his name while his (ex???) girlfriend was papped out and about with none other than...Max Verstappen. Again. Rumors about the LeClerc sister and Dutch driver started to swirl right around the time her and Lando stopped being seen out in public...What do we think, chat??? Has little miss leclerc finally ditched the cocky British pilot for a new Dutch beau??? user029 maybe she got tired of having to parent her boyfriend??? user220 if it's true, she's really upgraded. 4 time world champion vs...what??? 4 time race winner. please. user0298 he never supported her art or anything, i'm not surprised she's moved on. max always looks smitten with her.
“Lando, you have got to get this under control.” The head of McLaren’s communications team hisses, her glare shooting daggers at the driver who’s just walked into the the hospitality building ahead of the race in Belgium.
Lando glances up from his phone, face pale and eyes worried. “How the fuck am I supposed to control what the gossip pages post?”
Marina throws her hands up in the air as she paces, her McLaren team kit wrinkled from lack of sleep thanks to the British driver. In the four weeks since your argument with Lando after Austria, things have only gotten worse. You’re still not talking to him and he still hasn’t figured out where the hell you’re living. You’re not staying with Charles and Alexandra or Jade, he’s been subtly watching both buildings. He knows you’re still in Monaco because you’ve been papped out with your family and friends but most maddeningly Max Verstappen.
Everyone seems to have noticed you’re not living with Lando anymore, your appearances in his streams have dwindled down to nothing. Fewtrell has had to start banning people form his chat because they won’t stop asking about you and what’s going on. Everyone knows that something went down but you’re straight up refusing to behave like an adult and come back to Lando, where you belong and it’s infuriating.
“You can’t, obviously.” Marina sighs, sitting down at one of the high top tables in the middle of the suite.
Around her, the Thursday afternoon crew of engineers and communications people buzz, all prepping for their weekends. Everyone seems to be acting normal but Lando can feel their glares on his back as he walks through the building. They all know he’s causing the entire team grief by causing so much drama with you, taking the attention away from the decent start to the year they’d had before all hell had broken loose a few months ago.
“But,” She continues, leveling a glare at Lando. “You either need to bite the bullet and release a joint statement with her announcing your breakup or you need to get her to the track this weekend and make a big show of a united front. It’s up to you Lando, but you need to do something. I can’t keep saying ‘no comment’ whenever we’re asked about the distraction this is causing the team.”
Lando pulls at his curls, like hell he’s going to admit that you’d left him. He supposed he could go rogue and release a statement without you. That way he could control the narrative and try to get the fans back on his side if he made something up like a cheating scandal or something. The moment that the thought flutters through his mind, he forces it out. For some fucking reason, the fans seem to have a soft spot for you and it’s maddening. Lando knew there was no way he could get public opinion on his side, not with how he was getting ripped apart on socials right now.
“We’re not broken up.” He bites out, taking a sip out of his water bottle as he contemplates what he can do.
Marina glances up from her phone, brow lifted in question. “That’s not what it looks like here.” She turns her phone towards Lando and shows him a photo of you descending the stairs of a private jet that’s just landed in Belgium. In front of you, already down the stairs and waiting on the tarmac for you is your brother with Leo cradled in his arms.
And behind you? A fiery rage burns bright and hot in Lando’s chest when he sees who’s behind you.
Fucking Max Verstappen.
The look you’re giving him makes his heart twist and for the first time since this entire thing began, Lando actually misses you. He misses the way you used to smile up at him like that, like your entire world revolved Lando and no one else. He missed the way your eyes would follow him around a room, how your body would center towards his. The way you looked at Max was how you used to look at him and it made jealousy twist violently deep in Lando’s gut just looking at the photo.
“I’ll take care of it.” Lando spits before stalking off to the privacy of his drivers room.
f1.gossip.source posted
f1.gossip.source Alexandra, Charles, and his little sister were seen arriving in Belgium this afternoon on Max Verstappen's private jet. It's yet another instance where the LeClerc sister was spotted without boyfriend Lando Norris, sparking new breakup rumors. Neither party has confirmed if they're still together, with McLaren PR insisting that the personal lives of their drivers are off limits. user019 honestly, I'm here for a LeClerc sister & Max relationship. >>>user028 me too. at least Max seems to actually like her, unlike Lando user0029 I mean, we all can see it. Why can't they just confirm it already??? user2333 fully on board the 'get her away from Lando train' ROOTING FOR YOU MAX!!! Get your girl!!! user029 my friend was out at the restaurant they were all at a few weeks ago and said that Lando crashed the dinner but left after a few minutes looking PISSED. >>>user029 honestly, Lando is kind of unhinged rn. get over her my man, move onnnnnnn!
“I can’t believe you got me to agree to come this weekend.” You grumble as you follow Max towards the paddock gates Friday morning before practice.
“You’ve barely been to any races this year and it’s almost the end of July!” Max shoots over his shoulder, grinning like an idiot he’s so happy you decided to come this weekend.
“I was at Monaco!” You protest lamely, shoving your elbow into your brother’s ribs when he laughs.
“You live in Monaco, that doesn’t count Little Dove.” Charles chuckles, rubbing at the sore spot where you’d just assaulted him.
“Whatever.” You mutter, rolling your eyes.
After arriving in Belgium last night, you had gone straight to your hotel room, needing a bit of alone time ahead of what you were sure was going to be a stressful weekend. As usual, you’d been papped arriving on Max’s jet, which you were certain Lando had seen because the moment you had checked your messages in the SUV Max had rented for your little group, there had been a text waiting for you from him.
I know you probably don’t want to see me and I get that. I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart. Can we please get together this weekend and talk? Somewhere neutral if that’s what you want…
As you settled into the hotel room that was yours for the weekend, a war was being fought in your brain. On one hand, you didn’t trust a single thing coming from Lando’s mouth. Not a single thing. He hadn’t given you any reason to trust anything that he said for months, so why should you start now? But on the other hand…
On the other hand, you and Lando had so much history. His message seemed remorseful. You knew everyone in your life would kill you if you even entertained the idea of getting back with him but somewhere deep in your chest a little voice was saying maybe you should hear him out. He was finally leaving you alone, finally backing off, why did he have to pop up right when you thought you had finally gotten him fully out of your system?
You didn’t tell anyone Lando had texted you. Had been texting you all morning as well. You knew no one would understand. But you also hadn’t returned a single text either. The energy that responding to Lando would take was something that you just didn’t have today.
Your little group is captured by photographers as you walk in, a few even call out your name asking where you’ll be spending your time this weekend. Since dating Lando, you liked to split your time between the McLaren garage and Ferrari but this weekend was going to be different. Your VIP pass had Charles’ face and name on the back, not Lando’s. You had credentials from Ferrari like normal but this morning, Max had also slipped a Red Bull card around your neck, telling you if you got sick of looking at all that red this weekend, you could spend time with him.
“Are you going to come to the dark side this weekend and use those Red Bull credentials to whip up some gossip?” Max murmurs in your ear, watching as Charles trots off ahead of you after Leo.
You bump your shoulder with his, rolling your eyes and laughing lightly. “Stop.”
Mischief plays in Max’s pale blue eyes as he smiles down at you, enjoying the way your cheeks flush under his attention. Ever since the race in Austria a few weeks ago, you and the Dutch driver had been spending a lot of time together, all casual but he’d really begun to look forward to the nights you spent curled up on his couch eating takeout and watching bad reality tv with him.
Before he has a chance to reply though, he sees the color drain from your face as you freeze in the middle of the sidewalk. Whipping his head around, Max searches for what, or more accurately, who has spooked you. He already knows who he’s looking for so when his eyes settle on the McLaren driver standing just outside the sliding glass doors of the McLaren hospitality building across the paddock, his stomach lurches.
You had known you’d see Lando this weekend. How could you not? This was literally his workplace too. There was no way to avoid him, you knew that but you hadn’t expected to see him so quickly and before you had managed to work out how to respond to his text from the night before.
Your brother is between where you stand and McLaren’s hospitality so he clocks Lando staring after you at about the same time as you and Max. Turning on his heel, he scoops up Leo and makes a bee line back to where you stand, utterly frozen.
“Dovie.” Max coos in your ear, twining his fingers with yours in an attempt to pull you out of the state you’re in. “Hey, sweet girl, look at me.”
You ignore him, gaze locked on Lando’s frozen frame.
Charles steps in between you and Lando, instantly cutting off your line of sight. This seems to yank you back to reality and your brother snaps into action. “Shit. I’ve got a meeting in five minutes. I don’t want her alone.” Your brother sounds panicked, like the way you’re just staring blankly ahead is really freaking him out.
So, he improvises. “Here, take Leo and go take a walk. There’s tons of open space on the other side of the paddock.” Charles presses the small dog into your hands and you drop your gaze away from Lando for the first time in several moments.
Your gaze drops to where your hand is still clutched in Max’s larger one. The steady warmth from his presence grounds you, allowing you to pull in a full breath for the first time in several minutes.
“No, she’s not going off on her own.” Max cuts in, tone sharp. “I’ve got some time before I need to be in the car. Come stay in Red Bull with me until practice, then you can watch from my garage, okay?”
The force of his words leave little wiggle room for argument and Charles can’t help but smirk a little. He should have known Max would step right up to make sure you were taken care of.
“Yeah.” You agree weakly, finally tearing your gaze away from Lando, who is still starting at you, light eyes sharp and observant. You can feel the way his gaze drops to where Max’s hand is curled around yours possessively. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
Without waiting for Lando to get any more ideas like wanting to try to come talk to you, Max tugs on your hand. He knows you well enough by now to know that you need a distraction and you need it fast. “Come on, you said you wanted to stir up some gossip this weekend, well here’s your chance.”
You laugh despite yourself, nuzzling your face into Leo’s soft fur. “I’m keeping the dog.” You tell your brother as you allow yourself to be led away by Max. All Charles does is nod, relieved to know that you’re in good hands while he’s busy.
missleclerc posted
24,029 likes liked by maxverstappen1, charlesleclerc, redbullracing, and others missleclerc in my defense, I was kidnapped ☝🏻 maxverstappen1 whatever, you wanted to be there. >>>missleclerc lies. It was a hostage situation. >>>maxverstappen1 is that what the kids are calling it these days? >>>user299 chat, are they flirting in the comments??? WE CAN SEE YOU TWO charlesleclerc can't believe you subjected your nephew to this. please make sure you take a shower before dinner tonight. >>>missleclerc rude. user0209 ya know, I'm kinda here for this ship. >>>user987 did you see how utterly distracted Max was during the one interview where she walked past him? couldn't take his eyes off her >>>user0209 lando's gonna be crashing out after seeing that interview tonight >>>user3443 GOOD. bro deserves it
“I think you may need to roll me up to my room after that dinner.” You groan, rubbing at the food baby making your black leather skirt pinch painfully at your hips.
After qualifying Saturday evening, when the boys were all finished with their media and team duties, Max had insisted that you, your brother, Alexandra and himself all go out to dinner. He’d wanted to insist it just be the two of you but he wasn’t blind to the gossip you two had stirred up in the paddock Friday afternoon so he’d figured bringing your brother and his girlfriend along would be a bit safer.
“I think I ate my weight in spaghetti.” Alexandra groans beside you as you plod towards the front doors of the hotel. “Carry me up to the room please, Cha?” She coos, throwing her arms around your brother’s neck as if she can’t go on one step more.
Charles laughs, snaking his arms around her waist and pulls her close, dropping a kiss on her forehead, a gesture so tender and intimate you have to turn away. Your gaze immediately connects with Max who is standing a few paces behind your brother and his girlfriend. A small smile tips up at the corner of his full lips when you make eye contact at him and your stomach swoops at the affection for you in his eyes.
You’re imagining things, you think instantaneously. There’s no way Max sees you as anything other than a friend, after everything that you’ve endured while he’s watched. How could anyone like Max be attracted to someone who had spent an entire year drowning in a failing relationship? It was likely a pity smile, something he gives you because he feels sorry that you haven’t found what your brother has found in Alexandra.
“There you are…” A smooth British accent interrupts your thoughts, jarring you out of your spiral. “You stopped answering my texts.” Lando says pointedly as he joins your little group in the lobby of the hotel.
Your eyes shutter closed as you blow out a breath. You had been hoping to avoid this confrontation all together but it was just another nail in the coffin of why Max wouldn’t even want to begin to get involved with you in the first place. Why would he willingly want to be with someone who was still so intertwined with her ex still? You’ve spent so long with Lando, were so intertwined with him it would certainly be easier to just go back to him, wouldn’t it? Maybe he was all you deserved after wasting three years of your life.
“I was at dinner, Lando. It’s rude to text during a meal.” You carefully control the tone of your voice, not wanting to instigate yet another public altercation with him.
“Ah, yes. I’m sure the company was riveting.” His eyes flicker over to where Max stands, stiff and unmoving, the smile that he’d just been showering you with totally gone from his face. “So, what do you say, can we finally talk like two adults?”
“She doesn’t want to talk to you, Norris.” Charles cuts in, voice sharp and short.
“I think your sister can answer for herself, LeClerc.” There’s a challenge in Lando’s eyes that you don’t miss and you know you have about five seconds to diffuse the situation before it gets out of hand. Again.
Placing your hand on Lando’s elbow, you tug him away. “If you promise to chill out and actually listen to me, we can go to the bar and get a drink. One drink, Lando. Can you do that?”
If you had been looking at Max then, you would have seen the light flicker out of his eyes. He’s grateful that his hands are tucked away in his pockets when he hears your words because the way the ball up into tight fists would be embarrassing had anyone seen it. He wants to say something, anything, that might convince you to not walk away with him. He wants to tell you how he’s feeling, how this afternoon with you in his drivers room and then garage was the best start to a race weekend he’d had in recent memory. He wants to beg you not to go with Lando.
But he can’t. He can’t because he still hasn’t worked up the courage to tell you how he feels. Max is stuck in this painful sort of limbo where you two spend time together and he craves any bit of attention he can glean from you but it’s not enough for him to risk your fragile state of being right now. He knows you’re still recovering from leaving Lando. Three years is a long time to spend with someone, even if the last year was as painful as Lando had made it for you. He knows you’re not ready for him to tell you how he’s feeling but he’s afraid if he doesn’t, you’ll go running back to Lando.
While the internal debate about what to do with his feelings rages on inside, Max watches as a cat-like grin spreads slowly across Lando’s face. He’s won. Lando’s won and they both know it.
“Of course, baby.”
You bristle at the name but without the energy to fight him, all you do is roll your eyes. Max’s mask of indifference somehow staying in place when he hears the nickname, but it tears him up on the inside. He’s not sure how he manages it.
“I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Thanks for dinner, Max.” Taking a step towards Max, you fold yourself into him, enjoying the way his arms come around your waist without hesitation. The hug is firm and he holds onto you for several moments longer than necessary.
“I can stay down here if you want me to.” He murmurs in your ear, his breath tickling the shell of your ear, sending a cool shiver of pleasure down your spine.
“I’m a big girl, I can handle him.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about.” He responds, looking down at you. You’re surprised to see a stark look of concern all over his face, like he’s genuinely worried about you.
“Max, I’m fine. It’s just one drink.”
But Max knows Lando. It’s not just going to be one drink. But what other choice does he have? Reluctantly, he releases you and takes a step back, forcing himself out of arms length. You instantly miss the grounding warmth of his body and fight to keep your expression neutral.
Max watches you walk away, shoulder brushing with Lando’s and has to resist the urge to rub at the painful clenching sensation that wraps itself around his heart.
“You don’t have to watch her leave.” Charles murmurs, standing off to the side with a worried looking Alexandra. They both share Max’s opinion that this is a bad idea but like Max, what else can they say?
Max scrubs at his face, suddenly so overwhelmingly exhausted that all he wants to do is climb into bed and sleep until the race tomorrow. “What am I supposed to do, Charles?” He throws his hands up in defeat as you disappear around the corner just as Lando’s arm slips around your waist. “I don’t have a single claim on her, she’s not mine to miss.”
His stomach twists painfully at the thought of having to go back to his hotel room knowing you’re touching him.
“She won’t go back to him.” Charles says with more confidence than Max can muster up himself. “She’s been doing so well lately and we all see it’s partially because of you, mate.”
“Don’t give up on her, Max. Not yet.” Alexandra offers quietly, stepping closer to Charles before reaching out and placing a hand on Max’s shoulder. “She’s stronger than we all think but she’s going to need your patience right now. It’ll be okay.”
The way it physically hurt watching you walk away had alarm bells ringing in Max’s head. He hadn’t realized just how attached to you he’d become in the time since you’d left Lando and it terrified him. If you went back to Lando tonight, he had this gut feeling he’d lose you forever and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to endure that.
Max barely sleeps that night, tossing and turning for hours trying to convince himself he hadn’t just watched you walk right out of his life again. He knew he was, once again, getting ahead of himself and that he needed to wait before going into full spiral mode but he couldn’t quite get himself there.
By the time he’s downstairs in the hotel lobby the next morning, waiting for the car that Red Bull had hired for him, he’s exhausted and on the brink of biting someone’s head off.
“You doing okay over there, Verstappen? You seem a little…irritated.”
Max turns and has to stifle a groan. “Why can’t you just leave well enough alone, Lando?”
Lando has the nerve to look confused, brows furrowing as he tilts his head to the side. “I have no idea what you’re on about, mate.”
It takes every ounce of control Max has honed over the years not to punch the British driver square in the face. “Why are you so fixated on her now that she’s finally trying to get away from you?”
Lando smirks, quick and ugly, before he shakes his head. “See, now that’s where you’re wrong Max.” He reaches over and pats at Max’s shoulder patronizingly. “I don’t think she really wants to get away form me anymore. Not after last night.”
It feels like the breath has been sucked out of Max’s lungs at Lando’s words. “What the fuck are you talking about?” He hisses, heat creeping up his neck.
“You’re a smart man, Max. Use that big brain of yours. I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.” Lando grins like the Cheshire Cat as he shrugs. “Oh look, my ride’s here. Good luck out there today, Verstappen.”
Without waiting for a response because he knows full well he’s caught Max completely off guard, Lando saunters off, hands deep in his pockets, without a second look back at the Dutch driver.
Tag list: @shelbyteller, @martygraciesversion381, @samantha-chicago, @stelena-klayley @dark-night-sky-99 @luckylampzonkland, @aykxz98 @forensicheart @cheer-bear-go-vroom @lieutenantchaos @willowsnook @linnygirl09 @meglouise00 @mixedstyles @secret-agents-stole-my-bunnies @mrosales16 @charlesgirl16 @leclercdream @daemyratwst @dramaticpiratellamas @mochimommy2002 @llando4norris @iamaunknownsecret @maxivstappen @imlonelydontsendhelp @nina-or-anna-or-nora @a1leexxa @littlegrapejuice @sunflowervol18 @freyathehuntress @finn-dot-com @swiftie-4-lifes-stuff @chirasama @lauralarsen @dr3wstarkey @saskiaalonso @rbv3rstappen @ilovechickenwings @guaaafiiburg @mcmuppet @mindless-rock @piastri-fvx @mel164 @schumi-angel @myescapefromthislife @supertrashbread @sunny44 @tinystudentblaze-stuff @sarx164
#f1#formula 1#lando norris#max verstappen#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen fic#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen angst#max verstappen smau#max verstappen x leclercsister!reader#max verstappen x you#lando norris x you#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando norris fic#lando norris fanfic#lando norris angst#lando norris smau
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Rocks at your window
- Donnie Darko ౨ৎ
Summary: Donnie sneaks through your window. You’re basically in a situationship.
Warnings: christian themes, cheating, Donnie is a creep, dom!Donnie, oral (f receiving), fingering, corruption/innocence.
Word count: 1050 ish
Notes: Maybe this is a bit rushed but it is what it is. Prob typos cause I’m lazy.
You were just about to fall asleep as the sound of rocks smattering against your window woke you up and had your eyes wide open. You reluctantly got up and gave Donnie a tired, half smile.
He climbed up the tree next to your window, and you let him in. Of course you did. Even though your parents hated him, even though he never showed up for church and even though your high school football boyfriend wanted him dead. This was your rebellion against it all.
He landed on your floor, his black converse stark against the pink rug. This wasn’t his first time here, yet his eyes still scanned your room as if it was. Maybe he liked to remind himself who he was corrupting. His eyes grazed the cross above your bed, the locked diary on your bedside table (which he snooped through whenever you went to the bathroom) and your pristine, white, unstained sheets. A testament to how unskilled your boyfriend was.
Donnie sat down on your bed. This was part of the routine. You plopped down next to him. Exchanged small talk. How are you? You looked nice at school today. Does your mom know you pin your skirt like that? This always ended in you blushing and him egging you on. “I read a bit of your diary last time I was here” Donnie spoke and your eyes instantly widened. “You really think about me when he fucks you?”
You felt like slipping through the mattress. You hated that word. “I didn’t think anyone would read it” you mumbled, as if it would save you. Donnie smiled at you, his ego multiplying by thousands. “He doesn’t do it like me?” Now it was a straight home-run, he had successfully caught you in his web. You shook your head. Getting trapped in recent memories of your boyfriend pushing your head down and flipping you over, quietly getting himself off as your mind slipped elsewhere.
Donnie’s hands crawled up your thighs beneath the night gown. “He doesn’t do this?” A light finger circled your clit through your panties. Your eyes shut close in an attempt to keep it together. “No” you managed to get out through your gritted teeth. “Not a very good boyfriend then.”
Donnie laid you down against your pillows, he always wanted you face up. You thought it was romantic, in reality he did it so he could watch you struggle to keep your mouth shut.
He pulled your underwear to the side and ran a finger through your wetness. “How long has my dirty girl gone without it?” His thumb spread the slick over your clit. “Two da-“ You began but quickly got interrupted. “No, not since you had sex, Since you came” Donnie clarified. Your eyes didn’t know where to look. You looked up, but the cross stared back down at you. So you settled on looking at Donnie, even though it felt like too much. “Two weeks.” Donnie gave you a pout, equally cruel as it was sweet. “Sweet girl can’t do it without me?” He said as one of his fingers entered you. He had the same look as the one you give the hunted rabbits on national geographic.
You didn’t know how to respond his question. Not because you didn’t have an answer, but because you weren’t sure if you could get the words out. So, instead, you whined and moved your hips down against his finger. You didn’t want him to go slow, though, Donnie might be tough to convince tonight. See, he had just jerked off to a picture of you before he came over. The one from the year book, where you’re sitting with your girlfriends on the grass in the sun. With a flower tucked behind your ear and a broad smile. To say he was spent was an understatement.
He entered another finger, and you had to bite your knuckle. If your parents found out, they’d most likely kill both of you. Donnie kept the torturous pace. His favorite part was when you couldn’t take it anymore and had to confess what you needed from him. He wasn’t about to give up seeing this sweet girl spout profanity tonight.
You gave Donnie a sigh. “Not enough?” he shot back. Your shaking head was met with a “dirty girl”, but no chance in action. You had played this game before and knew your way out was to speak. It made your chest clench when you did, but your thighs did the same; resulting in your head spinning with prayers, unclear to whom. “Want your mouth.” It was barely a whisper. Your cheeks flushed with shame and arousal.
Donnie dragged your underwear down, discarding them on your floor. He folded up your gown and laid down on his stomach, taking a second to appreciate the view.
The first moves of his tongue were frustrating. It circled around your folds and around your clit, never actually settling on it. His hot breath fanned against your wetness. Just as anger almost began to bubble inside you, he licked a stripe up from your hole to your clit. And stayed there, working small circles on it.
Even though Donnie was sure there was nothing left in him, he couldn’t help but slightly rut against your sheets. He had missed you so terribly recently. Finally, he was tasting you again, which was a hundred times better and more intense than burying his face in your stolen panties. The thought of your oblivion to this had him enveloping his lips around you.
You winced at the upped stimulation, his tongue flicked against you while the suction had you pulsating. Your hands grabbed onto his hair as you tried your best not to push him harder against you. His name echoed in your head as the pressure built, your thighs hugging the sides of his face.
You came with a held back, strained moan. Donnie’s chin was glistening as he came up smiling at you. After a kiss, he was out again, running across the street to his house.
Before falling asleep, you picked up your diary and wrote his name over and over again.
#jake gyllenhaal#jake gyllenhaal fanfic#jake gyllenhaal fanfiction#jake gyllenhaal imagine#jake gyllenhaal smut#jake gyllenhaal x reader#smut#fanfiction#donnie darko x reader#donnie darko smut#donnie darko fanfic#donnie darko fanfiction#donnie darko
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Okay, I definitely agree that Pete and goth OCs are a match made in hell heaven, (sacrifice his ass to the old gods bby 🖤✨️✨️) but like where are the red flag OCs who look totally normal, maybe even a whole baddie, but are incredibly unhinged the minute Pete steps too far outta line for them? Just straight up slashes his car tires and sets the whole thing on fire since he kept liking other baddies on Instagram. Throws all his clothes out onto the lawn after cutting holes in everything because he just looked at a woman a little too long (and was in fact planning to cheat or at least was thinking about it). Calling his phone from different numbers at all hours of the night to piss him off because he has to keep blocking them or finally answer. Airtagging the new car he has to rent but he only finds the tag weeks later when he finally questioned how they were finding his whereabouts so often.
And no one would believe him that baddie would be like that, they're soooo nice to everyone and hot, there's no way! Not until there's suddenly a mugshot with a manic shit-eating grin as well as streaked mascara from a broken heart and also the euphoria of getting consistent revenge on that piece of shit.
Fuck, I know that toxic relationship would be fun to watch. 🚩🚩🚩💞💞
#the eltingville club#welcome to eltingville#pete dinunzio#This is straight up canon Pete btw so yeah#he would deserve all terrorizing bc he would bring it upon himself lmao
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You’re in my head24/7
“Y/N,” His voice was stern, clearly fed up with your antics. “M’sorry! It’s just too much..” You groggily trailed off, body shivering at Erens forceful tone. For some back story, you and Eren had started dating 3 weeks ago.
You’d both known each other since college. You, a STEM major, and Eren, a Political Science major you’d happened to have a project together in a science class you both were required to take. You and Eren would hang out with each other between classes, just talking and sharing things that you two had in common. Up until recently you both had clearly been denying your feelings for each other that had lingered for years and decided it was best just to push them away, as Eren was clearly not one for commitment and you were deathly scared of having your heart broken, never being in a relationship or intimate before. Eren loved clubbing and you— being obsessed with him and always wanting to spend time with him, after a night of clubbing, grew tired of seeing him with a new woman every other day, going from girl to girl without any hesitancy. So after a lot of contemplation, you invited him over to confess. To your surprise, he immediately reciprocated your feelings.
And now a few weeks have flown by and you and Eren finally decided that you wanted to be intimate together. Only thing was, there was one teeeny tiny problem— You were a virgin, and never having orgasmed before, not to mention you were very sensitive down there— Something Eren wasn’t used to. At the moment you were laying on Erens silky bedding sheets soaked in sweat and arousal.
Now, you would think that you were sweating because of the marathon sex that you and Eren had indulged in, but no. Truth be told, Eren hadn’t even put his dick inside of you at this point. “C’mon, I don’t have all day, baby.” Erens patience hadn’t always been his best feature, even with you. “M’sorry..” Erens frustrated sigh comes out more of a shaky moan, preparing himself to take you. “Stop apologizing, bend your ass down and stop running from this shit.” His raspy voice sends shivers down your spine straight to your clit, making your inside pulse around nothing. Not wanting Eren to get any more impatient, and may save your chances of having some shred of pussy and sanity left after he is done with you.
You assume your position, his favorite— backshots, as you had been told by him previously. Attempting to give Eren the best arch possible. You looked back at him hoping that he would get the memo that you were ready, “You ready?” He asked, licking his lips seemingly with a fire lit behind his eyes, ready to ravage you. You nodded your head hoping that would be a good enough answer for him— clearly thinking wrong. SLAP “Answer me with words.” It was like his voice went 12 octaves deeper, his jaw clenched. “Y-Yes ‘Ren I’m ready to take you!” You moaned out. Your arousal getting the best of you. He gave your ass a few soft taps “Good job mama,”
Eren wasted absolutely no time slipping into your sweet tight heaven, only to be met with a tight ring of resistance. He lavished in the way that it squeezed around his cock head, making him hiss in pleasure. “F-Fuck haven’t broken one of these in a while…” you little soft Whimper at the stretching sting of his intruding tip, on instinct, your body jerks forward, sliding him out completely.
Before you could go very far, his arm landed on your shoulder, “Darlin’ I’m never gonna get to break you in if you don’t straighten up.” He gave your ass a stinging SLAP. He yanked your arms from in front of you where they were planted onto the bed to keep your balance, leaving you to fall flat on your face. Grabbing both wrists into one hand, and using his other to line himself back up again.
“Ur not gonna have the chance to run away this time, so you better buckle up.” Eren still had some type of humility in him so he continued to go gentle just for the first couple of minutes, sliding in and out of your hole so you could adjust before he finally decided to fully thrust in.
He threw his bed, head back, shamelessly and let out a loud growl, “Aw now that’s what I’m talking about!” he bit his lip as he was at peace to become forceful.
“This is some good fuckin’ pussy!” Your back arched into a C, as the pain slowly feed it out into a more pleasurable feeling your mouth became like a sink, spilling out noises that filled the room. The faster Eren went the more the bed creaked, you almost thought that it would break. “E-Eren fuuucckkk!”
Eren was entranced by the way that your ass met his pelvis, clapping back on him like a standing ovation. You thought it couldn’t get any better until you felt it— Eren had found your g-spot. “AH-shit-shit-shiiitt!” Your toes were curled almost painfully, Eren letting out a loud laugh
“Oh~? Seems I found that little button that makes your brain short circuit.” You somehow managed to free one of your hands from Eren’s tight grip, using it to push back on his hard abs— It’s laughable really, thinking Eren would take mercy on you virgin or not. When he was in the zone he was focused on making his partner cum, no matter what.
“Hands.” His voice was stern almost if you got in trouble for being caught doing something you weren’t supposed to.
“Feels weird Erennnn!” You were going crazy at this point, feeling every vein slide in and out of your soaked walls, but by the time he was done with you you’d be no more than a pile of puddy.
“Somethings coming out— F-Feels l-ike I gotta peee~!” Your legs began shaking, Eren knew you were close, hell you’d never even had an orgasam before and even you could tell.
“Mhm, it’s okay baby, ur going to squirt— just let it all out on papa.” His thrust became sharper, more aimed. With the way you were clenching Eren felt like he could cum right on the spot. Filling your pussy up with his seed and making you his. At this point he had let go of your hands and grabbed onto your hips for leverage, slamming himself into you. When you heard your friends talking about how they wish they could get some dick they could feel in their stomach, this must be what they meant because you could swear that that’s exactly where his dick was reaching and you couldn’t be told otherwise.
Tears begin to bloom in your eyes, further wetting the sheets under you. You were reaching for anything that you could grab to possibly get away from his harsh thrust. “Stop runnin’ from it and take this shit, be a good girl for me.” he leaned down growling in your ear, then taking your earlobe into his mouth to bite.
“I’m gonna cum! Oh god, I’m gonna cum!” You yelled out, screams ricocheting off his apartment walls. Erens cock had been forming a ring around his dick of cream and your wetness, he truly wanted to pick up the creamy mess with his finger and lick his digits clean.
His arms closed around your neck walking you in a chokehold he took it upon himself to begin sucking, hickeys into your shoulder in the side of your neck. His balls were slapping your clit making your eyes cross. His hand going to your chin and making you look into his eyes, enveloping you in a steamy kiss.
Pulling away he continued to look into your eyes, “You. Love. This. dick. Don’t you?” He held a firm look in his eyes, expecting no other answer than yes.
“Fuckkk yeahhh! FUCK!” You knew you were tipping over the edge when your vision was blurred white, it’s almost like the world around you disappeared, and all you could feel was the simmering heat of your orgasm. The feeling shot through like a strike of lightning, making your body lock up in your back arch almost painfully. you screamed out bloody murder, neighbors would almost think someone was plummeting a knife in your back if it weren’t for the sound on the headboard slamming against the wall. You juices slipping past your tight hold wetting up Erens pelvis.
“Ren-! Please slow down, can't take it s’ too much!” You were panting and wontonly moaning, “Take some out!” In response Eren grabs the headboard plowing into you like there’s no tomorrow, ravaging your pussy. “You creamin’ on my shit like the good girl you are?” Eren felt his orgasm approaching, quickly pulling out not wanting to cum just yet— at the night was still you and all you two had was time.
With heavy breaths, both you and Eren panting pushing himself off the bed, he grabbed your foot and pulled you to the edge pressing your knees right under your breast. “I don’t know what you think ur doin’ trying to catch a break but We’re not even close to done sweetheart.” You knew it was going to be a long night…
#eren x reader#eren x black reader#eren yeager x reader#aot smut#eren aot#eren yeager smut#attack on titan eren#eren jaeger#eren yeager#eren jaeger x you#eren smut#eren jeager x reader#attack on titan#aot#smut
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i've almost certainly posted about this before and almost certainly will again, but there's a special kind of humor in looking over at chat while i'm clipping a stream and wondering "wait, i was home for this stream, where am i?" only to look over later and see my past self going "hey so i just woke up from a nap"
#little rock.txt#i'm clipping the first dbd stream of ben's and once i saw that it Vaguely clicked lmao#i think i was just. straight up too fucking tired#so i put the stream on my phone and just took a nap next to it#streams make for surprisingly good nap soundtracks!#i'm sure there's something to the familiarity -- sort of like why people put on tv shows they love to fall asleep#except it's a livestream and also in several instances said streams were of horror games#anyway i'm going to bed now <3
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if the only time you bring up A Secret Third Thing is when someone has suggested generally celebrating or uplifting platonic/queerplatonic fictional relationships in spaces that ordinarily obsess about romantic ones to the exclusion of all else perhaps consider why you’re doing that and also stop.
#gav gab#im tired lmao#‘i think platonic relationships are worthy of celebration too’#‘BUT WHAT IF THE NATURE OF THE RELATIONSHIP DIDNT MATTER IT WAS JUST THE DEVOTION WHAT ABOUT A SECRET THIRD THING!!!’#cant help notice you never do this when romance is being discussed#:)#cant help notice you only bring this up when people want to be specific about enjoying SPECIFICALLY platonic or queerplatonic dynamics#wonder why that is :)#wonder what you actually mean is you want to change nothing about how you prioritize relationships#and also escape any kind of challenge to that#rather than just owning that you don’t fucking care about platonic or queerplatonic dynamics#which is whatever just please be straight up about it#let’s not do this wink wink theatre please#TO BE CLEAR this is not about any time anyone uses the phrase ever#please don’t come at me for that im not saying The Whole Phrase is inherently bad#just that ive noticed some patterns in when people use it and what brings it up
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in my head mind is more mentally/verbally violent towards heart and heart is more physically violent towards mind, since the "mind" is more an abstract concept than the "heart", who is named after a literal physical body part. not that heart doesn't attack mind verbally or mind doesn't ever get physical with heart, just that they prefer their respective methods because of their respective roles.
and it just makes more sense for their characters, too, in that mind would feel superior to heart, in that he only cleverly points out all that is inferior about him, and would never go down to his level by getting physical, (despite his insults clearly being an outlet for his anger/frustration at their dissonance) and in that heart, the manifestation of the best and worst of all emotions and all of their impulsive desires, would lash out physically(see:Juno Incident) in an attempt defend himself/to be seen as equal(following his own twisted logic/justification for his actions, and later trying to explain them)
tldr: my hc is that mind is mentally strong but not so much physically, heart is physically strong but not so much mentally, they prefer to attack each other in ways they know the other is weaker
#does this make sense? im running on two hours of sleep waiting on the bus and its very cold#chonny jash#cccc#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cccc analysis#also am i stupid for thinking of this. is this obvious to everyone am i just dumb or is this smart. i cant tell im so tired#jaggy posts#also i feel like inshould be explaining heart first bc its heart then mind then soul like thats their order. but i love mind so too bad#i explain mind first then heart sorry hesrt#fuck it. not drafting im straight up posting
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sometimes. what i like to read or write in fic or just generally play around with.... is different and, dare i say, sometimes even contradicting to what i think the canonical reading is offering. like yeah he would not fucking say that but every once in a while i do like to indulge. sue me
#*mine#mona rambles#people do be taking things so seriously these days like#sometimes i just wanna see a silly lil oneshot where the blorbo du jour Fucks Shit Up and go#idk where this weird idea comes from to assume everything i ever write down in a fic or in some rambly headcanon post is like#equivalent to saying 'i think this is what the text says' like???#the text says they had wives and are straight and don't fuck their brothers too like. come on now#and i don't mean this in a dismissal of/disdain for canon sort of way either#i hate the whole 'fuck canon i know better' attitude that's not what i'm talking about#i mean this more in a. not every oneshot i write is a 'this is a meta-analysis of textual realities'#and more a 'okay this absolutely isn't canon but what if it WERE#let's explore'#sometimes you just gotta pat canon on the head tell it i love you and i know this isn't you but I'm going to anyway <3#peace and love. etc etc#god i know people will so wildly misinterpret this as a 'she doesn't even care about canon then what is even the point 🙄'#or a 'YEAH FUCK CANON I KNOW BETTER 😤' kind of way i'm already tired#to the three people who'll get it ily tho <3#i do think the crux is the awareness yk. like. knowing deviation or smthg. anyway#bisexuality. love wins <3
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every day im reminded that though my parents may have wanted a dog they clearly did not want to take care of a dog
#and i KNEW this which was why i insisted on not getting dogs though they keep trying to gaslight me#into thinking that i agreed on the dogs. i didnt and i wish id railed against it harder#because ill be honest i knew i didnt want to take care of a dog i wasnt in the headspace#but i also knew that if they got the dog that the actual caring duties would be foisted off to me#and the things that They would have to do ie go to the vet nd pay the bills etc theyd complain about and avoid#and thats one thjng. but oh my fucking god. my dad specifically#its like hes trying to get these dogs to die. we have several plants in the backyard#bad for dogs. i point them out. i have pointed them out Several times.#theyre his plants the gardens his thats none of my things. he just goes oh they wont get into them#THEYRE DOGS. but he doesnt want to move his fucking plants#one of the dogs is on medicine but has a habit of not eating his food in the morning#which means if u leave his medicine in hjs bowl the other dog might eat it#one solution is to give him the tablet straight. because hes good about eating it#he doesnt want to because 'thats gross'. Are you five fucking years old#the dog doesnt like the texture of dry food so another solution is to wet it#dad wont do that either because 'hes too spoiled' and 'it takes time' ONE MINUTE?????????#like i have to assume this is some kind of ploy to make me do it instead when i dont wake up that early#because if its not then hes truly just incompetent or doesnt care about the dogs#which brings me back to WHY DID YOU GET THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.#im sick of having to worry about them when he just does shit like this its wasting my time and its wasting money#but ohhhh we dont want to give the dogs away theyre part of the family 🥺#CLEARLY. because apparently u wanted kids but didnt want to take care of them either!!#im pissed off!!! im tired!!!!!!!!#i need to know im not going batshit here for being pissed off!!!!!#the dogs are getting back to back problems and at least some of it would have been mitigated by oh.#i dont know. the bare minimum?????#at least if the plants had been taken care of i wouldnt have to wonder if theyd just gotten into them#or if its an actual problem like a mass or bite. but no now i dont know#and at this rate were going to waste money going to the vet every fucking week
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Thinking about this always
#screaming crying throwing up#tplosh#the private life of sherlock holmes#sherlock holmes#johnlock#i guess?#pjotr tšaikovski#i guess????#also im tired and too lazy to check what rogozhin and petrova are saying#so id you speak russian let me know or smth#they were just writing anything in the 70s#also yeha he couldve been lying but also#i dont think a straight person would get so yknow about it#like if he was straight and just didnt wanna fuck her he couldve just said like ''im not into women. bye.''#but noooo he has to get all melodramatic
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im so infinitely stressed rn i need to get off here
#camera talks#fuckkk#sighhhghsghg#sorry yall im like. on the verge of tears#this is genuinely like. the start of like 'the rest of my life' year and its. not looking like a good 4 years at all#i have to change my gender marker on my license back (safety. my states not red but its not Good either) and like.#i was already planning to at this point but its hitting me how much it meant to me to have that piece of me be like. known ? ig??#and i feel lucky that my name is already legally changed and its a fairly neutral to masc name so i think im fine#but like. do i really have to go into my job field like this? will i have to not be trans for the first 'real' steps of my life?#im fucking. upset#and im so so angry#i dont feel like i can look to HRT or surgery in my future rn#and i Know we're going to get through this#but like. im so tired of being unknown and hidden but its not like i can do anything about it now or ever anyways#like im already misgendered all the time so it doesn't Matter i guess#and very little people know of my relationships in the grand scheme of things so i guess im just going to keep keeping those hidden ish#but i dont Want to ! i want to be proudly queer and in love because i Am !! so like augh i dont know#im just so so upset#being queer is Me and i hate having to hide this part of myself for so fucking long#no wonder i related to old queers writing and stuff. augh. im thinking about them a lot. lots of them got through this#lots of them had lives they were proud of for the most part and i just hope i get that too#and im not even good at passing as cis or straight i dont think#like. im not going to try to that badly but as much as i dont pass for transsexual im easy to clock as weird gender#and fucked up mentally ill and aughghh#i dont even want to think about not getting mental health and disability resources#okay whatever im logging off or at least shutting down tumblr now#im just scared and worried i guess. i dont know#fuck
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wish that I wasn’t the one caring about everyone’s creations while no one cares about mine.
#ryan.txt#too depressing for my writing account lol#but I’m so fucking tired of it.#I have this one ‘friend’#heavy quotes bc one sided#and this fucker straight up.#I listen to every song they make#I read every fic#I look at every art piece#and they don’t even talk to me about my writing.#I’ve known them since like? late august I think?#they haven’t read my writing. once.#meanwhile I’ve lost count of how many of their works I’ve engaged in#they never ask how I am#whenever I try to make things about me the topic gets changed fast#today they even say the reason they were texting me so much was just to keep themselves awake#am I this fucking worthless dude am I
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i wish people misunderstanding and misinterpreting my words wasnt as bad of a stress trigger for me as it is but holy fuck there are few things that make me fly off the rails more lmao
#and like i dont mean in cases where i worded something poorly or made an obscure reference that they didnt get#i mean like when i say exactly wtf i mean and it gets perceived as something completely different#because the other person was straight up not paying attention#like the other day my new coworker and i were talking about music and i asked how many concerts she's been to#and the question she answered was ''what's your FAVOURITE concert that you've been to''#even though that was literally not the question i asked#this one didn't actually make me that mad but it's just the most recent example i can think of#listen i get it sometimes you're tired and distracted and your conversation skills aren't all there#i mostly get mad when it's the same people doing this shit to me consistently#(read: my mom and my ex-fiancee)#like holy fuck why do i even bother having a relationship with you if half our conversations are gonna be one-sided#why am i wasting my breath talking to someone who can't be assed to actually fucking listen#are you just too cool to listen? do you even care what i have to say?#again it feels like a dumb thing to get mad over#but eh. c-ptsd makes it less dumb i think#order in the court#personal
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✨ thinking of him thursdayyyy ✨ (<- said in a monotone deadpan with jazz hands)
#volition thoughts. as usual. (sorry im so fucking deadpan all of a sudden hello lmao? probably bc i need to sleep.)#hey. volition ship captain and echem as a siren. what then huh. he's already like an octopus AND its mermay.#(<- will not act on this thought in the slightest but know that i am thinking it in the back of my mind)#i think they're lost at sea and the sirens keep singing and volition's losing more and more crew but he's fuckin volition so of course he's#not falling for it. but its okay in the end the sirens are just leading them back to land because my god give them happy endings. please.#concept and suggest would also be sirens i think. ency and logic are navigators. volta do mar should be here because i say so.#volta and kinetic dressage are little fairies then that help volition with sanity/the ship. who can stop me im not even making this.#anyway VOLITION. i am totally normal about him and 95% of my brainspace is definitely not occupied by thinking about him.#jesus ive been so tired lately (its! the! ✨ chronic fatigue! ✨) i WANT TO DRAW but i am. too tired. writing is easier...#but i want to draw so many volition things. hmgbmbbb... i want him to be loved... which in retrospect is fucking silly he is a character.#okay vision's straight up going unfocused so we're done here goodnight. o7#chemi chats
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I am so tired of how Quotev/Wattpad level fanfiction, written by what reads as a 15 year old getting into their first fandom, gets pushed up the book ratings in the gay romance genre (m/m). Why is Red White and Royal Blue always at the top. Why is Boyfriend Material. Why must I suffer. Where are the standards. Why is a 30/40 year old recommending me, a grown adult man, stories that feel like they were written for highschoolers who don't like to read so they pick up the trashiest, most easily digestible shit in order to have the bare minimum of fun while doing their reading interpretation project for class.
This is coming from someone who had fun reading goddamn Twilight by the way. I'm not a book snob. I can enjoy objectively bad media if it's fun. My favourite book series with LGBT main characters is All For The Game, and that's a shitshow! But at least there's passion in it! There's fun!
I am going insane!!!!!
#my new technique is seeing which gay books tiktok hates#I always like those#honestly I think I'll just drop romance books entirely by this point.#fanfic is usually so nice to me on the romance department anyway#why am I paying for subpar shit that a goddamn fic author on ao3 does perfectly and better#i am so tired of the current state of popular romantic gay books#feel free to rb btw this is not a deeply personal post or anything#i am so tired#how the fuck are popular gay books so low in quality#like its not even about taste and opinion it's about straight up standards#like aristle abd dante is an objectively good book even though I was meh about it#I might not have personally enjoyed it that much but I can give it high praise#but boyfriend material? the american british one? really????#i liked the gentleman's guide when I first read but... I went back to it and it's kind of meh too#but when I first read it I was the target audience so. i can give it a decent rating too I guess#even though the characters are... kinda flat#aaaaaaaaaaa#I am so done#gotta start ignoring book recs and look for books with like. 2 reviews#unblemished by tiktok#published out of blood sweat and tears
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