#i think i told lin and sunny about this when i woke up from it

[ilynpilled]

most of it was incoherent nonsense but had a dream that jaime got cursed by some cat at the inn and got turned into a magic sword for being a massive dick and brienne just carried around an annoying talking sword in affc or whatever. this is what he gets for making his entire personality just swinging some metal stick around for like 20 years

[hazzabeeforlou]

On the eve of HS2, I felt I needed to reflect and write a diary entry of sorts, an ode to where I was and where I am now, a musing on how HS1 ushered in a whole new world for me. This is long and more personal than anything I’ve previously shared, but in honor of vulnerability and maybe helping someone else who’s struggling... here it is. 

The most exposure 2015 me had to pop music was occasionally listening to ‘hits’ radio. My old art teacher in high school had blasted the classics of the 60s and 70s daily, so I knew those, albeit not the names, but the music, the style, the melodic tropes and such. 2015 me didn’t have much time for pop music. I was getting a fancy degree in classical music from one of the best conservatories in the world, and I’d made it there after four years with a highly abusive teacher in undergrad who gave me horrible anxiety; by the end, whenever she would walk into a room, I would get chills and start shaking. She delighted in lying to me, in calling me out in front of my peers. Worse, I was arguably her highest-achieving student. The day I got into Juilliard she took me for “tea” to celebrate, where she proceeded to spend the whole time telling me how she had made this happen, how her connections got me to NY, how I should be grateful. 

Entering the world of NYC and Juilliard I was an awestruck, anxious mess. Everything moved too fast, the school was overwhelming, my studio mates were famous already, some of them having won world-famous competitions and been on the cover of magazines. I was in the elite place, a place my working class roots had never prepared me for. My dad was a millwright. He went to work every day in steel-toed boots and overalls and often returned so filthy mom wouldn’t let him wash his clothes in the household washing machine. But I was nothing if not adaptable, and grateful, and charming, and I did my best. I worked hard. But my health kept deteriorating. 

All through undergrad I’d been feeling progressively worse. I had horrible acne that I presumed was caused by stress, as I’d never suffered with it in high school. I was already an introvert, but body insecurity led me to hardly ever socialize. I would spent hours getting ready for things, never willing to show my bare face. But that wasn’t the worst; I’d developed what I now understand was an eating disorder, because no matter how much I exercised or dieted, I kept gaining weight, or rather, I lost all my baby fat but remained the same scale number. I kept telling my mother I was fat. I didn’t tell her that I hated the wind, that I hated running, because it made my stomach protrude and the whole world could see the extra pounds I carried. I never made an appointment with an OBGYN because I didn’t date much less have sex, and my mother had told me, well you don’t ever need to be seen until you do. I came to NYC well versed in wearing baggy sweaters and scarfs that hid my form. And for two years, as my breathing got worse and worse, as my energy levels dropped, as my skin hurt and itched, I pushed forwards. I remember practicing one day and my eyes going black. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t breathe. 

It was getting into an international competition that saved me. I got the news in early May of 2016; I jumped around my room and I started coughing, and the next day a hernia appeared above my belly button. I was only slightly worried, but I went to see the Juilliard doctor. She asked if I’d gained weight, she said even a couple pounds could do it. I was, as always, ashamed, red faced, embarrassed as she prodded around on my torso. 

She said I’d need surgery. So I scheduled it in NYC for two days after my graduation. I played my recital, but with a binder around my abdomen. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t remember my memorized music. I nearly passed out. I stumbled on the sidewalk afterwards. 

When I woke from the surgery I was in blinding pain, teeth chattering uncontrollably, in shock. I couldn't open my eyes, and every breath felt like knives slicing into my chest. I heard the nurses say, “We’ve given you three IVs of Percocet, do you want us to give you a forth?” I said no, thinking, ‘what if I die from an overdose?’ After two hours my mother came in search of me. It was supposed to be a day surgery. She demanded morphine. They sent me home on it, but two days later I’d thrown up twice and was back in the ER. A CT showed I had an ovarian cyst. The doctor said to me, “It’s 28 inches. It’s the size of a dinner plate.” I didn’t understand. They rushed me back for another surgery, and asked me to sign a paper saying I wouldn’t hold them responsible if I ended up paralyzed. I signed it. I joked with the nurses before they put me under. I was shaking with pain. I thought, if this is the end, I’ve had a good life. I’ll be with my doggy, my baby puppy. I’ve graduated from my dream school. I’ve gotten into an elite international competition. I’ll go out at the top of my game. It’s okay. 

But then I woke up. Over the next year, I would wish countless times that I hadn’t. I could barely walk. I couldn’t lift things like a fork, or my computer. I couldn’t shower or cough or even shit. I couldn’t practice or sit upright for more than fifteen minutes. Pain became a constant. I started to wake up with night sweats, my forehead creased in subconscious pain. I would jump at every loud noise, my heart lurching like a ruined engine, and I couldn’t remember names of flowers. I fell into a massive depression over the next few months, made worse by the 2016 election; because of my infirmity I had moved back home with my Trump-voting parents. The bravest thing I did that fall was ‘come out’ as a liberal on Facebook. My parents pretended not to notice when I stayed up late that cold November night, huddled with a blanket on the couch, crying my eyes out.

The Christmas 2016 season is a blur. I know I half lived in memories, half in grief, but all in self-pitying misery. I remember reading a passing article about Jay, not knowing who it was, and I remember adding a lost mother to the list of things I cried about. How could the world be so cruel, so unfair? My days were filled with PT and sleep, immobility and exhaustion, and questions, questions like if I can’t do what I love, what I’ve spent years training for, what’s the point? What does it mean to be an artist when you can’t do your art? What is left of me that matters? Is the future only more pain? It would have been better to have died. It would have been better to have died. 

Up until this point I had been unlucky in love. I could never find men attractive, though many friends pressured me to try, which of course had led to not good things. I’d been confronted a couple times about maybe being gay, but I’d shot this down immediately, my face bright red, my heart pounding. No, that’s not it, I’m just picky. Two girls in grad school had flirted with me; I’d accidentally gone on a date with one. I’d felt deeply, gut-wrenchingly uncomfortable about her. But how could I ever unpack all of that when just coming out as a liberal had given me anxiety for days...  

The new year came and I had nothing to look forward to. I could see no happy future. I wasn’t really in my right mind. I would escape as best I could, perhaps in masochistic ways; I’d watch SNL for humorous liberal comfort, and Colbert to feel some spark of angry solidarity. And that’s how I stumbled on Harry. He got me with his puns, because I love those. For the first time in months, I was giggling about something, this charming boy with curls and dimples who had replaced the scream-speech of James Cordon. For once I didn’t turn the tv off after Colbert. 

I began listening to Harry’s songs. As I had no reference for contemporary pop music, his old school rock album was familiar to me in a comforting way. I knew these sounds, these tropes, and yet they didn’t feel stale to me, they spoke to something I was feeling in the present. Because the album, in essence, was about pain, wasn’t it? Pain and escaping it. The lies we tell to survive, the dreams we cling to for hope, the drugs we use to forget. I’d never bought a pop album before, Harry was my first, and I listened to it for hours every day. 

HS1 seeped into my blood, but I’d been on a hopeless, aimless track for so long that the railway tie hadn’t yet switched. One warm, sunny spring day I wrote a note, filled a bag with rocks, and walked to the old bike trail, out past the freeway, into the marshes and pools of abandoned swampy wasteland. FTDT played in my head on a loop as I walked, as my brain hummed with the equation of worth. Was it worth it to stay alive?

Yes. I threw the rocks. I threw them as far as my fragile arms would allow, and they splashed into the murky water. And I turned around and called my mom to come get me. Harry had made something that was beautiful, that was touching, that was real. And if he could... then maybe I could too. Maybe I didn’t have to be just what I’d been before. Maybe I could try creating other things; maybe I could make art that, like Harry’s music, made other people feel less alone. 

There was something magical about that album. Not freedom, per se, but the promise of it, a glimpse of truth that kept me hanging on. 

I began writing poems again, songs. I got into an orchestra program, I healed month by month, I started carrying crystals, I found this crazy fandom and, little by little, grew to understand that my yearning upon looking at baby larry videos was really a cry of sameness that I had never before understood. After the Pulse shooting, during my horrible homebound year, I’d watched Lin-Manuel Miranda give his love is love is love speech, and I’d burst into tears. And I’d not known why. Now I began to realize. I remember the first tentative anon I sent to Phoenix @alienfuckeronmain asking if maybe I was... bi? I remember anxiously awaiting her answer, as if I needed an invitation to join the community, to be valid, to have this not just be a crazy swelling of hope in my chest. She replied while I was wandering through a corn maze in the frigidness of October. The next day I walked into rehearsal and I felt free, free of the way boys looked at me, free of being FOR them, and I’d never felt so... alive. Coincidentally I met my ex girlfriend that day too. 

Through Harry I found this fandom, and Louis. Louis, who has spoken to me on levels I cannot even express, whose class and political and emotional intelligence have challenged me to stand up for things I never thought I could. For me these last few years have felt like a journey WITH Harry. As he started waving them, I started wearing rainbows, just subtly. A knit scarf, a postcard, a bag. I started writing fic, the most healing thing I’ve ever done. I learned to create art away from the singular thing I’d been trained to dump my all into, and I learned that I have so much more to offer, even if chronic pain will follow me in some way or another for the rest of my life. 

I’m so thankful to Harry for taking me on this adventure with him; I don’t know if I’d have ever taken that first step by myself. It was like he held my hand through it all, like this fandom held my hand through it all. Like by being himself, Harry helped me be brave enough to evolve too. 

Through the catalyst of Harry’s art I’ve experienced more happiness than I’d have ever imagined. I cannot wait to go on this next journey, a second album, and reflect on just how far we’ve both come. 

[oohfluffy]

DDND Ch.13 | KJI

Group: EXO

Member: Kim Jongin

Theme: Fluff | Dancer!AU | Dormmmate!AU

Word Count: 2,194

❀ Chapter 13: Troublemaker Baby ❀

You woke up at 8 in the morning with a forming agenda in your mind. You quickly went to your own bathroom, brushed your teeth and put your hair in a messy bun.

It was Saturday.

Yep, the Saturday you were so excited to come. (Note the sarcasm)

After freshening up, you went back to your room and went out.

"Oh. Goodmorning, babe."

Your head immediately turned to the voice.

Kai just closed his door and walked towards you, of course, with his famous smirk.

"Y-Yeah. Goodmorning." You stuttered but quickly recovered as you turned your back towards him.

"Hmm." Kai hummed as he matched his pace with you, glancing at your face. You walked faster and reached the end of the stairs.

"You're up early today, huh?" You heard Kai commented as he followed you to the dining area.

You saw that Aunt Sunny made chicken soup for today's breakfast. You went to the fridge and grabbed a huge bottle of water before walking back to the table.

"Uh huh." You said as you sat down in front of him.

You started putting soup on your own bowl and then water in your glass. You started eating, casually taking glances at Kai.

"What the hell, Jongin." You muttered.

Kai just smirked, still staring at you as you eat.

"What? Is it wrong to stare at you?"

"Obviously yes." You snickered, shoving a spoonful of soup in your mouth.

"Why?" Kai asked teasingly as he continued observing you.

"Because I don't like it." You snapped at him before drinking water.

"But I like it, babe."

You shook your head, trying to deny that Kai's spell is working on you.

You thought of anything that you can talk about so it won't be this awkward.

"Oh!" You exclaimed as you remembered why you got up so early.

"What is it?" Kai asked, amused at you sudden outburst. He chewed on the chicken bits he got from his soup before grinning at you.

Why does he always look so seductive?

"I heard that DanWiMu is having its anniversary today?" You started as you placed your glass back on the table.

"Yeah." Kai nodded but tilted his head after. "How'd you know?"

"You know that Tiffany unnie is Sehun's sister, right? So, she told me." You explained.

"Ah."

You gulped. You really wanted to know about his performance with Seulgi but wouldn't that be suspicious?

YAH! Why would it even be suspicious? I'm friends with his partner, so asking would be okay... Right?

"Uhm." You cleared your throat as you looked at him. "You're performing?" You asked, trying to be casual about it.

Kai stared back in your eyes.

Is he trying to read my mind or something? Why is he looking at me like that? Oh my ghad why am I being so paranoid?

And then his lips curved into a smirk.

"Why are you suddenly curious, babe?"

You instantly looked away from his eyes. Your gaze dancing around the house, trying to find anything interesting.

"W-Well.. uhm.."

Your brain was in a mess.

You can even imagine your brain cells running around and bumping onto each other as they find a reasonable explanation.

As you fortunately found it, you looked back at him with a confident smile.

"Well, Joohyuk and Tiffany unnie invited me to go tonight. I was only asking if I'll see you perform..." You said, standing up with your bowl and glass.

"Really?" You heard the playfulness in Kai's voice. You turned your back on him and went to the sink.

"Really."

"Okay then. I'm actually performing with my friend."

Friend?! Daebak.

"Nice." You mumbled, quickly washing your bowl.

"You're not gonna ask who's my friend, baby?"

You almost choked on your saliva at Kai's sudden change of nickname.

Babe? Now baby? Are you trying to kill me now, Kim Jongin?!

"Why would I? I mind my own business, Kai. Please stop calling me—"

"If you don't ask then I'll tell you. Remember the one who I told you I'm meeting with last three days ago? Her name's Seulgi."

Blah blah blah.

You knew you were making faces as he spoke but you admit that you're jealous.

So jealous.

"She just came back from America. She's pretty, heck, she's even a good dancer. I think it's fate that she became my partner—"

You wiped your hands with a towel near you and walked towards the stairs.

"Really? Goodluck then." You said, waving your hand as you went back upstairs.

Kai watched as your figure was out of his sight with a frown but slowly turned into a smirk.

"Aish, what will I do to this girl..." Kai ruffled his hair as he started cleaning the table.

He knew everything.

After all, he wasn't a pole who can't feel anything.

He just hopes you watch him perform.

♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫

"Wow."

Joohyuk and Tiffany looked at you as if you grew two more heads.

"This is a miracle, Hyuk." Tiffany giggled while Joohyuk just rolled his eyes.

"I think it's just because of one particular dancer though." Joohyuk said, earning himself a flick on his forehead, although you needed to tiptoe and do it.

"Whatever." You mumbled before hopping in Joohyuk's car.

The two followed you in the car. Joohyuk at the driver's seat while Tiffany sat on the passenger's.

"Your mom's okay with you leaving her?" You asked as you carefully put on your lipbalm.

"Yep. My brother's there anyway, so it's fine." Joohyuk answered with a shrug.

Tiffany suddenly turned to you from her seat. You looked back at her with a bored face.

"So what made you change your mind, my dear?" She asked teasingly, her eyes turning into crescents as she grinned. You rolled your eyes.

"Nothing, unnie. Please sit properly."

"Aigoo. Our baby is growing already. Hyuk, what can you say—" Tiffany was cut off as Joohyuk turned the radio on, overpowering Tiffany's voice.

"Yah! That's mean." Tiffany complained, hitting Joohyuk's bicep.

"You're too loud, noona. Stop it."

Your lips just curved into a smile as you closed your eyes.

They're so noisy but I like it.

"Lin, we're here."

You opened your eyes, yawning in the process. You blinked several times before checking your haggard appearance.

"Aish." You mumbled as you brushed your wavy hair.

"Kaja!"

The place was packed.

People were talking, dancing, drinking and whatever you can do in there.

You flinched as someone bumped onto you. You looked at the teens wildly dancing and scoffed. You were about to open your mouth to tell them a lesson about manners when an arm wrapped on your waist, leading you out of the crowd.

"Don't ever try talking to wild teens, hamstie. I'm telling you, you'll be at the disadvantage."

Sehun made you sit beside his sister with a smile.

"Sehun." You greeted with a grin.

"You know, my brother's gonna perform later. I think he'll need a goodluck kiss." Tiffany cooed, nudging you to Sehun, who is currently standing beside you. You glared at her before turning to her brother.

"Well, goodluck, Sehun-ah. We'll totally cheer for you later." You said, making Sehun grin widely.

Your brows furrowed as he tapped his cheek.

"What?" You asked.

Tiffany just giggled as Joohyuk scoffed.

"I thought you're gonna give me a goodluck kiss, hamstie?"

Boom.

There goes your angry red volcano face.

"You want a hit, Sehun-ah?" You threatened with a frown. Sehun laughed as he pinched your cheeks. You tried to bite his hands but he was too fast.

"Okay, okay! Later then?"

You glared at him. Sehun raised his hands in surrender.

"Fine, fine. I'll go now. See you later, guys."

When Sehun was out of sight, Tiffany pouted.

"Why didn't you give my brother a treat? He would've been so—"

"Unnie, please stop being Cupid. I told you, right?" You said with a frown, making Tiffany shut up.

The lights went out, only leaving dim lights on the stage.

The music was turned off as people started going near the stage for the long-awaited performances.

Everyone was silent as a song started playing.

" La la la la la la "

You didn't know how many 'la's were said but 5 girls started dancing in front of the stage, a spotlight focused on them.

" nalkaroun Secret dulleossan yaegin beil soge jeomjeom deo gipeun H-H-Hush mameul gyeonweo ije "

Your eyes widened as you saw a familiar face.

Seulgi.

You also saw the two girl she was with before and another two unfamiliar girls.

Heol. She's really an amazing dancer.

As they continued dancing, Seulgi caught your eyes and winked. You just awkwardly waved with a smile.

You suddenly felt ashamed of your dancing skills.

You looked down on your legs and felt insecure with their thigh gaps.

Geez. What am I doing? So what if I've got no thigh gaps or good dancing skills?

Yeah sure, you don't care.

After their performance, the crowd hasn't calmed down yet when another group danced.

You just focused on your food and ate like there's no tomorrow.

Joohyuk was the one who noticed since Tiffany was ogling at the boys dancing on stage.

"Yah, you alright? Why do you eat like you haven't eaten for a year?" He asked, shouting over the music and screams of the crowd.

You just waved him off as you drank your lemonade.

The music stopped as the next performer gets on stage. Tiffany squealed, kicking you under the table.

"My dongsaeng!" She cheered, pumping a fist on the air. You quickly turned your focus to the person solo on stage.

Sehun was wearing a black cap, a shiny blue and red jacket with a white t-shirt inside, black ripped jeans and nice pair of kicks.

He's so stunning.

You just heard yourself screaming along with the other girls as Sehun started to move with the beat.

Sehun danced to a cool music with his sharp movements and graceful steps, the crowd was like a pack of wolves trying to fight for a huge meat.

You couldn't help but to feel proud of your buddy.

"THAT'S MY BUDDY!" You shouted, making Sehun's eyes turn to you despite the wild screams of the crowd. He winked as he did a hip thrust, in sync with the beat and ending his performance. The crowd shouted for more but Sehun just grinned and threw hearts to the audience.

"Oh goodness." You mumbled, leaning back to your seat. Tiffany wiggled her eyebrows at you as Sehun went back to the backstage.

"He totally went all out tonight! I think it's because of someone~"

You ignored Tiffany and just focused on the next performer.

"Why is it so dark?" You heard Tiffany whine. The place was pure black, even the only dim lights on stage was out.

"Is the electricity out?" You mumbled, grabbing your phone for light.

Your question was answered when the spotlight focused on the two figures, intimately close on stage.

"O. M. G." Tiffany whispered as she figured who was on stage with a girl.

And then the song that made you want to crawl back at home played.

As the first whistle was heard, you bit your lip.

Oh no. Not that song. Not that dance, please.

" 1! 2! 3! "

You knew you didn't want to watch them dance so close with each other, but your eyes just can't stop looking at them.

" ni nuneul bomyeon nan Trouble Maker "

Seulgi touched Kai's chest moving downwards as Kai just watched how her hands move while he's singing.

You were totally breathless.

You didn't even know Kai could fucking sing.

" ni gyeote seomyeon nan Trouble Maker "

Seulgi's voice was so sweet that you winced.

Or is it your jealousy acting up?

" jogeumssik deo deo deo "

Kai's eyes wandered around the place, finding yours in the process. You instantly looked away, Kai's gaze softened before returning to a seductive look.

" galsurok deo deo deo "

Seulgi's fingers tapped his chest.

Urgh. I want to go home. Me and my jealousy, yes.

" ijen nae mameul nado eojjeol su eobseo "

You don't want to know how they danced like a perfect couple.

You don't want to look how Kai looks into her eyes.

It would have been better if you didn't know about Seulgi's feelings.

It would have been better if you're not hurting.

Kim Jongin.

You're such a troublemaker.

You make so many troubles for my heart and mind.

You heard the crowd's cheer got louder when you silently stood up from your seat and put your head lower, so you wouldn't attract much attention.

You heard Tiffany's and Joohyuk's shouts but you just waved and went out of the place.

Why does my heart hurt so much just for that dance?

"Tss. Baby? Babe? Maybe you call her that way too. Friend my ass." You mumbled as you unconsciously wipe your cheeks where tears were streaming down.

What the heck am I crying for? I don't even have the right to do so.

—

❀ Ch.14

[vidkid20ssimblrlair]

Episode 14: Connections

I woke up to find myself alone in the room. No Audrey in sight. Last night had been a strange one. I hadn't seen her most the day yesterday and got caught in a monster of a rainstorm, but yet all I got was the cold shoulder from her that night. She barely spoke to me. Just a bunch one-word responses. What gives? I know Audrey. Well, I know her well enough to know when she's mad at me. Had I done something wrong?

I got up feeling as stiff as a board. The chair I had used for sleeping was doing a number on my back. I stretched, took a long look out the window at the now sunny day, and made my way out into the hallway. There I found Tao and DJ goofing off. They look to be having a sword battle or something. I looked over at DJ who had a broom handle waving it around like a knight and then I looked over at Tao. I nearly choked. There he stood holding Audrey's sword in both hands waving it around making lightsaber noises.

"Boy! Are you crazy? Give me that!" I yelled storming over to him. "That Audrey's sword!"

Tao froze and smiled backing away from me. He stuttered, "I...I was just playing with it."

"No, shit! Give it to me!"

I grabbed it from him taking the hilt in my hand and stored it back in the room. Tao looked mortified turning bright red and DJ came over equally embarrassed.

"Man, we were just borrowing it," he said. "We're sorry."

"Yeah. We're sorry."

"To be honest with you it was Tao's idea."

"What? No way. It was..."

"Shut up both of you!" I snarled. They both jumped. I softened my tone. "I don't care who's idea it was. Audrey would flip if she saw you and it's certainly not something to play with. Someone could get hurt with this thing. Just don't do it again."

They both nodded and Lin appeared coming out a room to our left. She stared at the three of us curiously. Then zeroed in on Tao. She frowned. "What did you do?"

"Uh...um..."

"Nothing. He did nothing. Everything's ok," I said smirking at him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. I did nothing," he said laughing nervously.

"Well, you don't mind coming with me then," she said frowning. She grabbed hold of his shirt and dragged him down the stairs. Tao pleading innocence with every step.

"I said I did nothing."

"Yeah right!"

Hey. You’ve seen Audrey?" I yelled down to her as she reached the last step.

"Yeah. Grace's room," she hollered back. She disappeared into the dining room with her brother in tow.

"Grace's room right here," DJ said pointing at the door Lin had just came out of.

I patted DJ on the back as he remained in the hallway as if waiting around for something. I knocked on the door and it suddenly swung open. There stood Mr. Jones. He smiled sensing someone presence.

"Well, hello. Good morning," he said beaming.

"Hey there. Good morning."

"Ah, Vince. How are you? Quite a storm last night."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, tell me about it."

"Hopefully we'll have the lights on for dinner tonight."

"Dinner?"

"Yes, dinner to celebrate your arrival here. We did it for Matthew and his people. It's only right we do it for you and Audrey."

"That's nice of you, but..."

"Don't worry. You won't even have to lift a finger. Everything should be ready for tonight. Well, as soon as DJ gets the generator back on."

"Ok ok, old man. I heard you the first time", I heard DJ shout behind me. He then mumbled, "God, I swear he's faking it sometimes."

"I heard that young man."

"Vince. Meet me downstairs", his grandson then said grinning at me. He stopped at the top of the stairs. "We'll be waiting for you."

"For what?"

"Well, I think I'll go relax in my room, Mr. Martez. Hopefully, breakfast is tolerable today," Jones said heading down the hall. "Oh and find something nice to wear tonight. I'm sure there's some clothes left over from when my son stayed here in the room you're occupying now. Take a look."

He went into his room closing the door behind him and a few seconds later jazz music could be heard playing.

"Hi there sweetie," I heard a woman say.

I turned my attention back to the room that was now wide open. I looked over to see what I assumed was Grace. She stood over Audrey doing her hair. As Grace brushed it, she flinched with every stroke.

I chuckled. "Be careful. Don't want any more of her brains falling out."

She turned her head meeting my eyes and a small smile spread across her face, but she went back to ignoring me. Not even greeting me.

I shrugged. "Well, I'll catch y'all later."

I closed the door to and a small sigh escaped my lips. I promptly headed downstairs and went into the kitchen. There I found DJ, Matthew, and Nathan. The brothers sat at the kitchen table. DJ stood by drinking something. I glanced over to see a plate of pancakes.

"I made them," DJ boasted watching me. "Help yourself."

Nathan smirked. "Hopefully, your dinner is as good as your breakfast."

"It will be."

I scoffed. "What we having pancakes again or some stale crackers?

"No. Pot roast."

"You kidding right?"

"Nah."

I stared at him as if he was crazy. "Where do you find food like this?"

"I have my connections."

"Connections that can get us gas and more supplies," Matthew added. "If we can do that much, we won't even have to hear Wade's whining about us not getting any yesterday."

"Wait. Connections? What kind of connections?"

"Let's just say they are people I know. People willing to trade. Items. Information." DJ said cutting his eye at me.

"Don't worry he won't tell us either," Nate whined.

"They're very private people and they would like to remain that way!"

"Fine, but what type of shit do you trade for a fucking smorgasbord?"

"The question is what do we need to trade for gas?" Matthew inquired furrowing his brow. "Did they say?"

"Yeah and that's the problem. They want metal. Lots of it."

"Like scrap metal?" I asked. "For what?"

"For armor and for building. That's all they said."

"How big is this community?"

"Do you really think I'm going to tell you that?"

"Oh, right. They're mysterious and shit", I scoffed sitting next to Nate. "Well, it looks like we're going end up in a junkyard anyway. Thought it would be for my car, but I guess that's my fucking luck."

"You're a ball of sunshine aren't you?" Nate jested.

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"Still doesn't explain the food."

"I told them about Jade and the possibility of her having a group. Told them they may pose a threat," DJ said putting his cup in the sink. "I also called in a favor."

"So they owe you?"

"Maybe. Let's just say it's a story for another time," DJ said winking. "Now, I'm pretty sure Madison be walking in soon. She's already really suspicious."

"Yeah, I wonder why," I said sarcastically glaring at Matthew.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm going to tell her. Just not now. If I tell her now, she'll just freak out and dinner will be canceled. We need this. This peace. This normalcy."

"Wait. How long have you been planning this dinner?"

"Since yesterday morning. Before we left for the gas station. Why?"

"Is this dinner shit the reason why you won't tell her?"

DJ groaned. "I'm going to check on the generator and get it going again. I'll be back."

"Take me with you!" Nathan exclaimed jokingly.

Aaron then stormed into the room staring daggers at Nathan. He scowled, "Where's my letter, Parker?! You promised!"

"Seriously, take me with you," he shrilled. "I'm coming!"

"Parker!!!!"

Previous chapter

All Episodes

The next episode is going reveal some stuff and will probably be hard to take shots for. Everyone is going to be in it. Most likely to be called “The Dinner.” Vince will also be narrating again as it’s sort of called for. ;)

[ceaselesswatchboy]

11 Questions

tagged by the lovely @fen-ha-fuck-you 

Rules: 

1. Always post the rules. 

2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you. 

3. Write 11 questions of your own. 

4. Tag 11 people.

1. What book(s) are you currently reading? The Stranger by Albert Camus.

2. Which 2017 movie are you looking forward to the most? THE LAST JEDI 

3. What book would you like to see made into a movie? All I want is for Percy Jackson to get the movie it deserves. 

4. What’s your guilty pleasure tv show(s)? Probably Mythbusters, Power Rangers, and anything on HGTV.

5. Which character in the MCU would you like to see killed off? I’m not really a MCU person anymore...

6. Do you have any weird/random fears? Computer viruses. Entirely. 

7. What’s the strangest dream you’ve ever had? I don’t know, but last night I had a dream about being kidnapped, woke up in the dream to someone I hate, and then went back into the kidnapping dream to avoid them.

8. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and what would your house look like? Outside and inside? I would have a fucking amazing penthouse in Chicago because I can’t leave, I love my city too much. It would have so much fucking history stuff and books oh my god. I would also have a cabin in the mountains with huge windows btw because I stayed in one once and it was amazing. 

9. If you could change your name to anything, what would it be? Something that’s unisex.

10. What were some weird things you believed in or weird thoughts you had when you were a little kid? I thought you bought kids in a store and the people were inside the tv. 

@fen-ha-fuck-you ‘s questions:

1. What is the thing you like most about yourself? I like to think of myself as pretty responsible (everything but homework).

2. Describe one of your favorite memories. My aunt taking me out mini-golfing until midnight on the day before my birthday. I remember that she came into my room at 12 and told me that I was a year older. In the morning we made breakfast together. 

3. Which fictional character do you relate to the most, and why? I can only think of parts of me I see in fictional characters. I relate to Jasper Jordan quite a bit, because I also am not dealing with grief the way I should (I love whiskey my dudes), but I relate to Bellamy’s need to protect everyone (today I took Vai home half an hour earlier than I needed to because I didn’t want HER to be late for work) and I’ve also had a huge hand in raising my little sister (long story short: my father is....), oh yeah and guilt is my downfall. 

4. Who do you look up to the most? I have a few. My sister and her husband are up there even though Rob and I are very different. But I also love, in terms of celebrities, Lin-Manuel Miranda and Carrie Fisher. Let’s just throw Bob Morley up there too. 

5. Where do you feel the most at peace? I feel the most at peace when I’m sitting in me and Vai’s normal window seat at Barnes and Noble while I’m writing and she’s drawing. Or we’re both doing our own things but are just there together. When I stay over and we both get involved in our own paintings or homework and don’t speak for an hour except to ask if the other if they need more tea. 

But I’m also adding when I’m sitting outside at my grandparents’ house reading and I can hear the cars on the road out front, with the bugs making noises in the Magnolia tree behind me. 

6. What do you do to relax? Talk to the people I love or watch it’s always sunny. 

7. If you could choose any job, regardless of any other variables, what would you choose to do? Historian, author. Hands down. I’m going to school for environmental science but you better bet this bitch is also going for history/english as a minor, maybe both because I may or may not be entering college with a lot of credits. 

8. What is one thing you can do really well? I’m pretty damn good at making grilled cheese. Oh yeah, and some people think I’m an alright writer. 

9. What is a quote that speaks to you? “Science Fun Fact: The only proof that you actually have a body comes from the body itself. It’s all a trust game.” or “I think the best way to die would be swallowed by a giant snake. Going feet first and whole into a slimy maw would give your life perfect symmetry.” (I know, I know, but I took “speaks to me” to mean narrating what it’s like to be in my head. I’m not really one for inspirational quotes and I’m giving everyone far too much of a glimpse into my psyche.)

10. Name three things that make you happy. My sister being happy. The ridiculous way me and Vai can speak and still understand each other. Interesting conversations.  

11. What do you want your legacy to be? Fuck. Well. I want my body to be buried in a shroud and put directly into the ground for conservation purposes. But in terms of remembrance, I want to be remembered as someone who loved learning, who loved the people closest to her, and who defended what she believed in.

My questions: 

1. What is your earliest memory?

2. What is one smell you remember from your childhood?

3. Name a restaurant you love, either for food or for ambiance. 

4. How have you decided to decorate/not decorate your living space? 

5. What is a movie you love that is undeniably terrible?

6. Would you rather be the driver or the passenger in your group of friends?

7. What store would you consider the best place to cry?

8. What is your favorite museum?

9. Would you rather be a white collar criminal or the detective trying to find them?

10. Do you remember the first website you used? If so: what was it?

11. Try your best to explain one inside joke you have with your best friend. 

okay so I may or may not have really enjoyed this.

@shmaiva @jesuislavache @frecklessbellamy @starkdelinquents @stilllookingforklaroline @athenasnina @lindsymorgan (and literally anyone else please make friends with me I am I N N E E D) 

[noheroes-allowed]

(edit: from 10-12am)

12/14 - 12/15, I keep having breakdowns and I definitely know why but at the same time I’m confused

also again, don’t read this lol I just wanna remember this in the future

so last night I was hanging out with Ally and Nana and I was having a lot of fun so I pushed back the meeting time by an hour but then he said he was gonna go out with his friends and wouldn’t be back for a few hours - I didn’t want him to go though bc I really wanted to see him plus I went all the way to the health center after my final to get supplies like they better be used - so I got kinda sad and started drinking with them

but it turned out to be really fun though like things happened like last time and I really wanted to dance and sing and I didn’t throw up which is always a plus

so I hung out with them for a long time and stayed up last night for him to get back to me when he’d be back and free, I got really sleepy at like 2 but he messaged me half an hour later

honestly I felt kinda upset though bc I always felt like he mattered more to me than I mattered to him, which is partly bc he’s my first everything and partly bc I think I feel /too/ much sometimes (always), and he didn’t seem that interested in me coming over

anyway I got there and he was super weird omg he was so hyper and talkative bc he was still drunk but it was really funny

like in the elevator he thought he lost his credit card and he kept saying he probably left it at the bar but it was in his back pocket the whole time, and then when we got to his place he got these nachos and ate them super quickly holy shit but he only ate half of the container BUT it was only for like 2 minutes that this was happening lol it was weirdddd, also he had like a little hop in his step or he would dance a little while walking idk it was funny

but I felt weird being normal around him while he was like that so I asked him for something to drink and I got buzzed (tbh who am I) and we fooled around

he said I gave the best —— he’s ever had

when I drink though, I have no filter and all my thoughts come out so when we were laying there I started saying how I felt, specifically how I wished I mattered more to him and how I wished he talked to me more and how we never do anything else and how I always ask first to see him, not the other way around, and how I want him to make me ——, and shit

he said I was special though and he does care about me, and we should do something else but I added that it’s too late now, and he does want to ask me first but I always beat him to it and it’s annoying that I do

I also said how cute he looked when I met him the first time

I asked him to sing and he sang some paper moon song but I didn’t like it so we switched to can’t help falling in love; we also talked about me making out with my friend and how he thought it was hot and she should come over sometime lol but he would focus on me

I woke up to him on the phone with a background investigator for his new job lol and the investigator wanted to meet up with him today but he didn’t go, he says apparently that he’s done some shit particularly hacking things that he shouldn’t have and he was stressed he wouldn’t be hired bc of the things he’s done

I distracted him

I was on my phone checking my grades and I got a 92 on my calc final!!!!!! and a 90.5 on my linear algebra final!!!!!! I’m so fucking happy I worked my ass off in calc especially!!!!! and tbh I kind of slacked on studying for my lin alg one but I pulled it off!!!! he was impressed hehe, he thinks I’m insanely smart which I don’t think is true I think I just work a lot to get where I want to be (I really really do and I don’t think people know and they just write it off as something inate and I hate that, give me the credit I deserve)

he told me how he used to try a lot freshman and sophomore year of high school but he didn’t junior and senior year but he did better then, and how he lowers teachers expectations in the beginning so doing what you’re actually supposed to do later is impressive to them

he made me quinoa which was so good I fucking love quinoa and he said he doesn’t know anyone else who likes it besides him and like same I don’t know anyone who likes it the way I do

we talked about the Friday before that when I made out with my friend and how we took off our shirts and I was wearing her bra and it was wild, and he asked what my friends thought of his pic (lol Vaani just liked to say he’s brown but he’s a cool one which is rare)

lol he also voice texted my mom and she was confused

we watched Aunty Donna and it’s always sunny clips and we talked about the associative property of multiplication for linear algebra and matrices

my friend thinks she’s a 7 when I think she’s a 9 and I was texting her about this and he said she’s probably a 6-6.5 and I got sad bc then I would be so much lower

he told me not to worry about it bc there are other things that factor into it

he said I was wilder and dirtier than he was freshman year, apparently his old friends are very conservative and believe the waiting until marriage thing which is interesting bc I don’t know many people who feel that way

he said he was tired and had a rough week bc he has seasonal depression and bc of the background check determining if he starts his career

I wish I told him I had (have? I don’t know what tense it should be bc it never goes away right?) depression quite recently but it’s weird to say out loud and even on here rn bc I feel like I don’t have the right to categorize or describe or legitimize how I felt the last two years as that when I was never truly diagnosed or anything sigh idk it’s just a problem I have like I don’t know if I can say I had/have depression and I’m rambling

we fell asleep and I had a dream we were at some park and we were on a ride that was like those weird mechanical character things that aren’t roller coaster you just sit and you go through the ride and watch things

anyway he jumped out of the ride but he didn’t get caught bc this other guy did it first and all the security were reprimanding that guy, and then the scene changed and we were gonna out to see some show but then he just wanted to stay in and we were just laying on the ground inside somewhere like it wasn’t his place or mine but my parents walked in and I freaked out so much even though we weren’t doing anything but there was alcohol around us I fucking woke myself up

we did things again

afterwards I got sad

we were talking about what I was saying last night, how I kept saying he mattered more to me than I did to him and he mostly said he didn’t pursue more bc he knew I was leaving

I told him I didn’t want to go and he asked if I meant today (lol he offered for me to stay while he works on his project with his friends and he’ll be back in a couple hours) or in general, it was both

I cried

he got a tissue and dabbed my face

I told him how I wanted to stay for multiple reasons, I didn’t want to start over at Cornell

he was really nice bc I kept saying I’m sorry (he kept asking what I was sorry for - I’m sorry for crying, I’m sorry you have to deal with me breaking down, I’m sorry I’m upset) for being like this (lbr he didn’t sign up for this lol) and he said it was good for me to talk it out instead of letting it fester and he really tried to console me like telling me I can still keep in contact with the people I met and how I’ll make new friends and have fun and such

I told him I’ll miss him bc he was my first everything and he said it’s better with the clean break and good terms instead of a long term relationship and bitter endings and bad memories, with us it’s just melancholy

he’s a really nice guy and I’ll miss him

he said I was always welcome back and could stay for a couple days at his place if I was on break

he kept asking if I’ll truly be okay after I stopped crying, it was so good and pure and sincere

I could’ve loved him

he makes me want to write again

we watched a Portal 2 video and he showed me his website and we went on each other’s Tinders

he saw how people asked for my number and asked if I ever met up with them, I told him I only met with 2 other guys and we were talking about it and he said he doesn’t get jealous (I do)

he told me to bring an overnight bag for Saturday

we ran into a security guard in the hallway and he asked if she always patrolled bc he never noticed and she said yeah all the time and he asked for what kinda things and she said for people having sex in the hallways and loud music and crazy college kids and fuck he’s so good at talking to people

there was a dog in the elevator

it snowed/hailed today and I didn’t even notice when we stepped outside lol, only when he threw snow at me

I tried to throw it back but it was hard to pick up and it melted in my hands but he had gloves on and kept doing it

it was fun

he’s really fun

we were talking about moving here as kids and English as a second language which is weird bc it’s technically the second language I learned but it’s my primary language and hm, he said he sometimes switches without noticing which wow I’ve never met anyone in real life who’s done that

we walked to the Atlantic building, it was cold and slippery

I’m tired, physically and emotionally

18, 20, 2-3, 9-10, 11-12, 14-15

I could have loved him

[rueur]

Morning Pages #22 (30.01.2017)

Monday 30th Jan - 12:33 p.m.

Okay, so it’s not the morning, I know. I just missed the morning. And I also haven’t written for the past two days, I KNOW. Saturday was just too busy to do anything, honestly, it was one of the most busiest days I have ever had in my life. And Sunday was just a sleepy mess. I spent most of the morning being totally disoriented back in Mill Park, and the rest of the day trying to muscle up the energy to get to Ikaros’ house beforehand so I could see the apple baby (a baby apple tree) that he’s been taking care of so very lovingly (he calls himself an ‘apply daddy’ - like ‘apple-y’ not like ‘apply yourself’), and then take the train into the city together later that night for Gong De Lin!

Because there’s a lot to say about Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I will just go through it point by point and make sure I’ve mentioned everything before I go into more detail. First of all, our shows went very well. They were very well received, and we had a pretty decent crowd for all three shows. We also had a private fourth show (or ‘first show’) on Friday afternoon, at around 3. We had a full dress and tech run that some council workers decided to sit in on because they wouldn’t be able to make it to the actual shows. There were about three or four women, and one man in that audience, which was large enough for me to deem that Friday run a private show, rather than a rehearsal. I had nobody in the audience Friday night, but my entire family, and Malithi and Malith, came to see the show on Saturday afternoon, and Ikaros came to see it on Saturday night. Saturday afternoon was by far our best run, because Paul and Mahony gave us a fantastic warning regarding ‘second show syndrome’, but Saturday night was our worst run for that same reason: everybody lost sight of the fact that the Saturday night run was also susceptible to second show syndrome because, although it was our final show and our closing night, it was also our second show of that day. And everyone was insanely tired by 7 o’clock on that Saturday night. People tripped over their lines, forgot the order of scenes, lost their places and had essentially the lowest stage energy I’d seen them have. I almost coughed during my monologue, but I didn’t. There was, however, a very audible frog in my throat.

I biked home on Saturday night after saying goodbye to Ikaros at the station. He caught the 901 to Greensborough and then the train home. Jasper was also on the 901, because he lives out in South Morang, I think somewhere off of Gorge Road. He broke two guitar strings on Saturday, because he rocked so hard onstage. And Will broke the bin that he throws. He broke it during our FINAL show, it was fantastic. But yes, I biked home. The entire family (sans seeya thatha) was at Anthony’s house for some Eid dinner, so I was home alone. It was my first time back in my house that late at night and it would be my first time sleeping back in my own bed. I was exhausted though, so I didn’t go upstairs until 1 in the morning. I stayed downstairs from 9 till 1 watching Mad Men on Netflix, and playing Bejeweled. Jasper was sitting on the chair above me, my cat Jasper. Not the singer/songwriter who’s in my drama group, the guy who broke two guitar strings. Not that Jasper. Anyway, it was a lovely quiet Saturday night and I really felt I’d deserved it. The past month, living in Northcote, has been wonderful but it’s also been quite taxing, and being home after all of it has just been really refreshing. It’s been weird too, undeniably so. Sitting here on my bed right now, staring at my bookshelf, my own library, and the whole mess of clothes and bags that has been the result of my homecoming, is really odd. I have to get this sorted out, I know, in order for my room to start feeling more like home to me. This is my home, though. There’s nothing like returning home from a long vacation to make you feel like you know where you belong. I feel like I belong here, which is saying something because I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I belong here. Even when I was living at Rachael’s and I came back here on the weekends, I never felt like I belonged in this home in Mill Park. But my family’s here, and I guess I belong with them, so I made do. Now, I just feel at ease here.

I woke up at half past ten both yesterday and today. I slept for like nine or ten hours these past few nights, and have woken up totally out of it. My dad picked me up from South Morang station last night, at around a quarter past eleven. I fell asleep watching Mad Men downstairs, dragged myself upstairs at around 2 in the morning and just collapsed in the dress I’d worn to dinner. OH DINNER. Gong De Lin, with Ikaros. I’ll tell you about Sunday afternoon first, though. I decided to wear my brown dress with the red and yellow feathery pattern on it. That dress, I’ve always said, matches my skin tone to a tee, so much so that it feels like that dress has just been painted onto my body and I love it for that reason. It was nice finally wearing it out. I biked to the station, caught the 901 to Greensborough and then waited on Platform 1 for 14 minutes in the searing heat. There were line works going on on the Hurstbridge side (platform two) and I embarrassed myself twice with two different line workers, because I’d walked past them singing whilst listening to my iPod. I’m using these earphones that came with my phone right now, until I can properly replace the ones I broke with Ikaros last week, because the ones that came with my phone are crazy awful. They do this weird thing where if I twist the cord in a particular way, the song freezes or Siri is called up onto the screen, or the song FAST FORWARDS which I didn’t even know was possible. Anyway, I did try and listen to music on the way to Ikaros’ as a means of ignoring the heat. It was incredibly hot and sunny yesterday. I didn’t check the weather before I left, but I was very glad to not be wearing stockings and to also be wearing a very light dress. I also found another pair of sunnies on the train to replace the ones that broke a week or so ago now, so my eyes were well-protected yesterday. I left the sunnies at Ikaros’ house though, so I don’t know what I’m going to do until I see him again, hopefully on Tuesday right before I see Rhiannon at Lentils (she’s got a gig).

Ikaros’ dad is back with Anna so I saw her again, which was weird. Ikaros’ dad asked me how my show went too. I said it was all good. Then I got into an involuntary ‘argument’ (it was a very one-sided discussion if anything) with Connor, that lasted far too long for both my and Ikaros’ comfort. When I finally managed to edge my way past Connor, Ikaros and I sat in his cool, dark bedroom for a while before we gave in and had REALLY REALLY GREAT SEX. I’d literally just typed that and Ikaros texted me that he loves me. Fuck, I wish we were perfect for each other. We aren’t. Like we couldn’t ever work out. I know that. But I wish we could, I really do. I came twice yesterday, and he recognised my first orgasm as it was happening. I told him what to look out for, and he recognised when I came. It was kind of touching. Like he finally knew what to pay attention for and he didn’t stop until he found it. Then we had penetrative sex and it was so hot and we just got so so into it, I came again. And he came too, naturally. Then we had a shower together, which I also realised I had really missed. After we’d finished, we heard his family talking about us outside in the kitchen/living room. Connor said we were having a shower together, and Paul was like ‘great, they’re saving water’, but then Connor asserted that we’d been in there for twenty minutes (which was not true). Then Connor started criticising Paul for taking ages in the shower in the morning, and Paul was trying to stand up for himself, and for us too. And we were on the other side of the door trying not to laugh. Once we’d gotten back to his room though, we just let loose. We couldn’t help it.

We got dressed very quickly and then headed into the city. We were eating around quarter past eight, at which point we were quite starving. But Gong De Lin does not disappoint! We got more lemon chicken, pumpkin soup, fried shiitake mushrooms in sweet and sour sauce, spicy noodles with pork and beef, these vegetable bao dumpling things and ‘chicken’ nuggets. Gong De Lin is a completely vegetarian Asian-style restaurant right on Swanston Street near the corner of Lonsdale and Swanston Streets, very close to Melbourne Central Station. It’s a little pricey (last night cost us $76.60, but Ikaros paid for everything because last time we went it was my treat) but the food is of top quality, honestly. I’ve eaten there twice now, both times with Ikaros, and both times were up there with the best meals I’ve ever had. I could not recommend this place more highly. It is, however, an egregious indulgence and I don’t see myself going back there more than once or twice in a year. We ate really well, and then we walked around the city. We went to Crown and checked out this glorious display they had on for Lunar New Year (which was on Saturday the 28th of January, and the reason why I’m not seeing Evan again until this weekend), and read our horoscopes for 2017. Ikaros was born in the year of the pig, and I’m an ox. The horoscopes warned us both about relationship troubles in 2017, which we expected. The ox horoscope said that I place too much power in words, and that can damage relationships (which is painfully true), and the pig horoscope said that Ikaros (if he’s single, which he kind of is) will meet someone special in the last half of this year. Pigs will have wealth in this year, and Oxen will have average financial success, but good professional opportunities. Hopefully that means I’ll be able to land some kind of internship with a council, or at a publishing firm.

Anyway, last night was really wonderful, and it felt like we were just happy and together again. I know that’s not the case though. I love Ikaros with all my heart. And I was very comfortable with him last night. It was like being out with my best friend. I’m going to make myself sad if I keep talking about this, I know. I feel myself getting sad right now. But I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t. Because it’s just been amazing knowing him. I love him so much, and whatever happens will happen. As long as we’re still in each other’s lives. As long as we still love each other. We have plenty of time for everything else.

[oohfluffy]

DDND Ch.12 | KJI

Group: EXO

Member: Kim Jongin

Theme: Fluff | Dancer!AU | Dormmmate!AU

Word Count: 1,863

❀ Chapter 12: I Knew It ❀

"So, are you coming or not?"

Tiffany and Joohyuk waited for you to react or answer as you stared at them with a blank face.

You blinked like you just woke up from a dream.

"Ne? What are we talking about?" You innocently asked as you wiped the table in front of you.

"Aish. Did you seriously just stare at us while we were telling you a lot of things?!" Tiffany whined, hitting Joohyuk beside her, who just scoffed and moved away from the two of you.

"Hyuk! You're not gonna help me?" Tiffany asked with a pout.

Joohyuk glanced at you before looking back at Tiffany.

"You can do it. Fighting~"

Tiffany frowned, crossing her arms as the boy went back to the counter. She looked at you with a sigh.

"Dongsaeng~" Tiffany sang as she approached you.

"What is it, unnie?"

"Well, you see, DanWiMu is having its anniversary this Saturday and—"

"If you're inviting me to go, no thanks, unnie." You said without any signs of hesitation.

"It's not like you have anything to do this weekend, right? Come on! It feels like a year since we hung out together!" Tiffany groaned.

"I..."

Saturday? That means he'll be there?

You looked at Tiffany and sighed.

"I'll think about it."

Tiffany pouted but nodded at you.

You were in the middle of serving orders when you heard your name got called.

You looked around and saw a very familiar face. Your eyes widened.

"Seulgi?" You whispered.

You immediately put down the orders on the right table and walked quickly towards her.

She was sitting on the table near the window with two other girls.

"I knew it was you!" Seulgi exclaimed when you got near her. You grinned and hugged her as she stood up from her seat.

Seulgi was the only one who gave you so much comfort and care when you needed a friend. When you got kicked out of your house, you met Seulgi on the way. She's a daughter of your Aunt Sunny's friend. You spent so much time together that you can be mistaken as sisters. You're on the same age as her, that's why you both understood each other more.

But one day, she went away.

You didn't know why but it was fine as long as she got to say her farewell to you. It hurt so much to let go of the only friend you had back then but it made you so much stronger too.

That's why you're so thankful to meet Joohyuk when you turned 18, working as a part-time employee in the same café when you were in college and becoming best of friends with Tiffany, who was already working there.

"When did you come back here? I thought I'll never see you again!" You said, pulling away from the hug but letting your hands stay on her shoulders.

"Well, I guess we'll be staying here for a few weeks. Not for good though but I'll be happy to catch up with you everyday!" Seulgi replied grinning at you, making her eyes turn into crescents.

"You're still the same Seulgi I've known. I'm glad." You smiled.

"Yah! Are you making me cry now? Oh." Seulgi turned towards the girls she's with. "Lin, I want you to meet my friends. This is Wendy," The cute-faced girl waved with a friendly smile. "and this is Irene." The other girl beside Wendy that has a cold aura but as she slightly smiled at you, you felt calm.

They are so pretty. Where did they even come from?

Seulgi pulled you towards their table and made you sit even though you kept on telling her that you're on-duty right now.

"We'll just talk for a bit."

You sighed in defeat before nodding.

"So, is there any reason why you came back? I mean, you went to America to study, right?" You asked Seulgi.

"Yes. I just came back from America last week. I'm sorry I haven't contacted you for a long long time. I'm currently working on a performance right now. These girls made me join them." Seulgi pointed the two girls silently chatting in front of the both of you.

"Performance?" You asked with your eyebrows almost knitted together.

"Yep. There's this place called DanWiMu, where you can dance, sing or anything as long as it's with music. These girls have been bugging me to dance with them since they needed to fill a slot. I agreed though since they're my friends." Seulgi narrated then sipped on her drink. You listened to her attentively, missing how you two conversed before.

"I know that place. I've been there before." You commented with a nod.

"Really? That's great! You can watch me perform then." Seulgi's eyes brightened as she smiled. You gulped. You're having a hunch that she'll be performing this Saturday for DanWiMu's anniversary.

I guess I'll be going.

"But I didn't know I needed to dance with a guy." Seulgi said with a frown.

Your eyes widened.

"Y-You're gonna dance with a guy?" You stuttered asking.

"Yeah. I was surprised at first but when I met him, I felt relieved. Seriously, not just because of his godly looks and body, I swear!" Seulgi said with a flustered face as you chuckled nervously.

It's not him, is it?

"He's gorgeous as hell. But he's also a gentleman and a sweet guy. And let's talk about how he dance! Oh ghad. If you watch him dance, you'll melt like cheese. His moves were always on point and graceful like he's dancing with the wind." Seulgi said with a smile.

Please tell me it's not who I think it is.

"W-What's his name?" You asked bravely.

Seulgi answered with a smile.

"Kim Jongin."

It's a good thing you're sitting right now or else your knees would have given up on you if you were standing.

Why?

"You know what, I've been thinking about him lately. His face always pops out of my mind and how he moves. I think..." Seulgi trailed off as she bit her lip.

No.

"Oh, buddy. What do we have here? Why are you sneaking off of work?"

You almost jumped as you saw Joohyuk in front of the table you're sitting.

Thank you, Joohyuk.

You quickly stood up and turned to Seulgi, Wendy and Irene with a smile.

"It was nice meeting you all. I hope we meet again next time. I'll be going back to work now." You said and bowed before turning around with Joohyuk walking behind you.

As you reached the kitchen, you slumped on the floor. Dara, who was instructing the cooks, looked at you in surprise. You just smiled at her and put a thumb up, saying you were fine.

But you're not.

"Hey, you okay?"

You closed your eyes for a minute before opening them again.

"Yeah, I just felt a little dizzy." You answered Joohyuk with a small smile.

Joohyuk suddenly sat beside you, leaning his head back on the wall.

"What happened?"

You bit your lip, hesitating if you should tell it to him or not.

"When did you ever think twice about telling me everything, buddy?" He asked, looking down at you with a frown.

"I-I just met my best friend, who left 8 years ago."

"Then isn't that great?" Joohyuk exclaimed, grinning at you but frowning again when you didn't smile.

"Yeah. I-It is."

"Tss. Then why do you look like that?"

You chucked but ending up coughing because of forcing it out. Joohyuk patted your back, still with a frown.

"Are you going crazy?" He seriously asked.

"Maybe."

You slowly leaned your head on Joohyuk's shoulder and sighed.

"I'm getting so down because of no reason. I think I'm just getting emotional." You mumbled.

"Yah, you two. What are you doing here? Why are you both lazying around?"

You both suddenly stood up with shocked faces.

"Aish. Jongdae hyung~" Joohyuk whined at your manager, who just laughed at him.

"Get back to work, you two."

"Ne!" You and Joohyuk chorused, walking out of the kitchen.

"Those two really." Jongdae chuckled, walking back to his office.

♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫ ❧ ♫

"I'm so sorry, buddy! I can't accompany you today. Mom's calling for me." Joohyuk said, biting his lip.

You smiled then patted his shoulder.

"It's fine. I can handle myself. Besides, Tiffany unnie is here—"

"I need to go now! Bye, my dongsaengs!"

You two watched how Tiffany left while skipping on her steps like a kid. You wondered if she ate any candies earlier.

"Well, I guess it'll be only me." You mumbled with a smile. Joohyuk sighed before ruffling your hair.

"I'll just treat you tomorrow, okay?"

"Call." You said quickly.

When Joohyuk left, you cleaned the café with the other 2 part-timers.

"I'll lock the doors, so you can go home earlier." You said while mopping the floor.

"We can wait for you though, noona." Wonwoo, one of the part-timers, said with a grin.

"No, it's alright. I know you're both busy in school and need to do your own tasks at home. Noona can handle herself well."

It took you a while to convince the two but they agreed at the end. After all, being a student and an employee at the same time is hard.

You finished cleaning with the two but stayed a little later when they left since you needed to check the doors and bring down the curtains of the windows before locking the front door.

You came out of the café, locking the door with a tired smile.

"Finally."

You turn around, finding Sehun with his hands on his slender waist.

"I thought you're spending your night here." Sehun said with an amused face.

He was standing beside his black Audi.

"Sehun? Tiffany unnie went home—"

"I knew it." He mumbled, smiling as he looked up.

"What?" You asked, not hearing what he said.

"Let's go."

"Where?"

Sehun looked at you as he opened the door to the passenger's seat.

"Home. You don't want to go home?" Sehun asked with a grin. You rolled your eyes, feeling your lips tug in a smile.

"Okay then."

Sehun drove as you browsed his music playlist.

"Why did Tiffany unnie go home without you as her service?" You suddenly asked, making Sehun glance at you.

"She's trying to be a matchmaker again."

Your head automatically turned towards Sehun with your eyes wide as realization hit you like blocks.

"Aish! That unnie, seriously. She doesn't know when to stop." You muttered under your breath, leaning back on your seat. Sehun laughed at your actions.

"She thinks she's Cupid." He commented as he stopped on a red light.

You fell silent after that.

I've told her that I like Kai and I won't stop liking him unless I said so. Why is she so—

"You like someone."

Sehun wasn't asking.

It was a statement.

You closed your eyes before nodding.

There's no use lying to Sehun-ah. He's a good friend and I trust him.

Sehun saw that and smiled.

His smile didn't reach his eyes though.

"I knew it."

—

❀ Ch.13