#i think i should read the stories properly one day.

[eerna]

i was one of the people who saw the early leaks post and i remember trying not to read too much of it but i had a moment of being like wow this cant be real but also it definitely could be. i remember reading about the damn caitvi sex scene and i thought to myself thats so ass why would they do it in a prison and then i realized the writers probably thought it was some meaningful parallel or something about vi being able to transform being imprisoned with something good

then the act dropped and i saw the damn parallels with cait finding her in the cell and i was like ok yeah. they basically had that as an idea. amanda overton was talking about it in a watch party and said they love their parallels and it was meant to symbolize vi addressing her trauma and im like. i see what they were going for and i get it I GUESS narratively but i really feel like this is such monkeys paw shit like we got this scene at what cost. and like the scene ITSELF was very good and sweet and lovely but like could it not have happened ANYWHERE ELSE?

i feel like the biggest problem with arcane s2 was that the creators rlly wanted to push the bar with animation storytelling. amanda talked about this too and like i feel like it kind of highlights the problem. where bc this show is so amazing graphically the animators wanna highlight that with as much action as possible instead of focusing on smaller scenes and more intimate quiet moments. i watched arcane s1 all at once after it came out and there were def parts that felt a little rushed in certain acts but it was nothing like s2. it just feels like they had all these story beats they wanted to hit but didnt give it the time it deserved and it sucks bc they said they always meant it to be 2 seasons so like why does it feel like this. they wrote them back to back around the same time what happened between s1 and s2. i just feel like the caitvi sex scene is a microcosm of the larger problem. they had these emotional beats and story moments that in isolation are really powerful but its almost like we didnt get a proper A to B transition. its like we skipped several steps for sooo many story beats.

such complex characters with real ass lives causing real ass problems. cait's privilege being an issue, how gratifying that could be to have explored. viktor's experience being explored more in depth. just so much more about zaun. like all of it was there in tiny slivers but it was never given the depth to GROW or properly BREATHE bc five million action scenes and plot points had to be squeezed in.

ultimately i love arcane overall. i think it has broken boundaries and done some amazing things. but its blemishes are really... painful at the same time. and knowing how the writers did such a good job in s1 makes me just like. cmon guys. you had it. YOU HAD IT

anyways sorry for blowing up your ask with so much rambling i just... idk. what are your thoughts on this stuff do you agree with my assessment or do you think the culprit is something else

No prob, welcome to the symposium~ Yeah, I totally get what the writers were going for with Vi. Which is why I am so shocked they thought it was a good idea. Like, okay, she is addressing her trauma in the sex scene... But why should her trauma get addressed by being locked in a jail cell by her sister, who just spent days being wrongfully imprisoned in there by the girl she's about to have sex with, and who then told her she was gonna off herself. If anything, the thing I was feeling was pain because it happened again, a Zaunite was thrown in jail by the Enforcers after she helped and saved them without any rights, and she was reminded she was less than them and her life is worth nothing... Mmmmm, the perfect memory to overwrite prison abuse!

I too felt s1 had some strange pacing choices, Vi and Jayce teamup comes to mind first, and that was, surprise surprise, a fight scene. But those were pretty minor, and still left time for other scenes to develop properly. It only becomes a real problem when it happens scene after scene, character after character, until no one is acting in character and you constantly feel like you have skipped a scene or two. I too remmeber them saying they wrote the seasons back to back, but. Dare I say it. I think s2 was so majorly rewritten by the time it went to recording that only the bare bones remained. In fact, that might be why we feel this way - maybe they DID have a frame they wanted to follow, but the rewrites warped and twisted the characters so intensely they ended up making no sense in the context of that frame. That's right, I'm talking about the way they decided to more closely follow and collaborate with LoL in s2. Jayce's final speech to Viktor only makes sense for game Viktor, and goes completely against s1 Viktor. Vi deciding police brutality doesn't really matter all that much makes sense for game Vi, and foes completely against s1 Vi. Jinx giving up on ever being loved or accepted by others makes sense for game Jinx, and goes completely against s1 Jinx.

So yeah my thesis is: Arcane knows it looks good, and sometimes it prevents it from being well written. It also decided to throw in its lot with LoL in s2, and no amount of good intentions from the writers could have saved it from crashing and burning.

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC’s Lucien - First Snowfall Date - English Translation

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

This post contains a detailed spoiler for a date that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

Lucien’s 2024 CN Birthday Event (Golden Love Ratio)✧ Birthday Story | Birthday Prologue + Birthday Date (You’re here!) | ASMR

"Actually, the reason for wanting to own a castle is quite simple."

"Because that way, I could have a space of my own to carry out those daring and even dangerous experiments."

"And my parents could also accompany me in the castle, pursuing the research they are deeply passionate about."

"That way, they wouldn’t have to be 'trapped' in the lab all the time."

Translation under the cut!

I’m sorry for dropping this so late. As you might have seen from my tweet, my dad was hospitalized in ICU this month. I’m still struggling emotionally now as I wait for him to wake up. It’s been a difficult time, and the grief is still heavy on me as he hasn’t regained consciousness yet… 

Sharing this date translation is the least I can do to celebrate his birthday for now, even though I won’t be annoyingly scream about it like I usually would hhhh. I guess this date feels a bit like a small comfort—a reminder that even if your loved ones have passed away, it’s not all sadness. There’s still warmth in the memories they left behind :”””.

So, Xu Mo, happy birthday. I’m so happy to see you finally embracing your past with such warmth and nostalgia. Honestly, this year feels like it’s all about him finally gaining ‘blood and flesh,’ becoming more human and beautifully stained with the colors of the mortal world. His world is no longer monochrome, and now he’s moving toward the most vibrant and colorful spring. 

✂———————–

Before reading recommendations:

[2024 Birthday Birthday (a MUST read because this date is heavily reference this!) - My Translation]

[Winery date - Youtube (EN Loc)] 

—秋天是个本身就是带着悲伤和落寞的季节， 但是秋天也拥有盛放的花草， 拥有醇美的葡萄 酒， 还有不变的思念。(Autumn itself is a season inherently tinged with sadness and loneliness. Yet, autumn also boasts blooming flowers and thriving plants, rich and mellow wines, and unwavering longing.’) 

[Autumn Blaze Date - Youtube (EN Loc)]

No tear-floods, Nor sigh-tempests move. The fulfillment of a promise is...

“诺言的实现是别离的开始”。(“The fulfillment of a promise is the beginning of separation.")

[Tidying Up Date - My Translation - Youtube (EN Loc)]

—如果在那些被定格的风景里,你依然生动 鲜活,是否证明我还想念着你。(If in those frozen scenes, you still appear vivid and lively as before, does that mean I still miss you?)

那些被我判定为重要的事,即便现在已经 不再拥有同样的心情,那我是否还爱着你。(If what I previously judged to be important no longer reflects my feelings now, does that mean I still love you?)

✂———————–

[Birthday Prologue]

Sunlight shines on the sofa, and the cozy warmth makes me lift my head from my laptop, stretching with a big, lazy yawn.

MC: It always feels like something’s missing…

Lucien's birthday is coming soon, and to properly celebrate that day, he's been rushing his experiments progress lately, making him incredibly busy.

So, I want to give him a "soft and fluffy" birthday where he can lie down anytime and anywhere.

It's just that I've run into a little problem for the time being.

=Flashback Start=

MC: Lucien, what do you think of this town?

Lucien: It seems quite nice. It just so happens that the lab next door seems to be going here to do some research.

MC: What? No, no, if we're not careful, you'll be swept away by work!

I took out my Plan B and placed it in front of Lucien.

MC: How about this southern city then~ It should be very warm here.

Lucien: Hmm... If you don't want to be disturbed by outsiders, I'm afraid this place won't work either.

Lucien: I remember an academic summit is being held here soon. I just returned the call and declined the invitation to attend.

=Flashback End=

Therefore, after several plans were forced to be aborted one after another, my gaze inevitably shifted to the other side of the ocean.

Let's go somewhere farther away!

That way, Lucien can have a peaceful birthday without being disturbed by work or the outside world.

I immediately change my search keywords and start browsing travel guides for long-distance birthday trips.

Suddenly, a relevant news notification pops up on the webpage.

A castle museum owned by a renowned inventor from the last century will soon be open to the public.

In the photo, the historic castle is adorned with falling red leaves in the sunlight, resembling a piece of condensed amber.

I excitedly click on it and discover that, in addition to the open exhibition area, the castle is also available for rent by the square meter.

MC: ...Castle rental?

My eyes light up, and an idea forms in my mind.

✂———————–

When Lucien returns in the evening, I quietly close my laptop and walk to the door with a smile.

MC: Lucien—welcome home~ Ahem, I have a new idea about your birthday!

Lucien takes off his coat and gently embraces me, his eyes reflecting a soft, tranquil smile like the surface of a shallow water.

Lucien: What's the idea?

MC: Heehee, let me give you a hint~ How about we go somewhere far away for your birthday this time, a place with a vintage feel?

A gentle puff of air that seems like a suppressed chuckle reaches my ears, and a thoughtful expression appears on Lucien's face.

Lucien: Hmm... So, how vintage are we talking?

MC: Like, no elevator, and maybe no heating?

Lucien: Sounds like it could be a bit cold. It seems we'll need to pack some warm clothes.

I subconsciously nod, then immediately react.

MC: Wait, you've already agreed?

Lucien: Mm, after all, celebrating a birthday in a castle is a very appealing option.

MC: !!

MC: Hey! I clearly kept it under wraps, I haven’t even booked the tickets yet.... how did you figure it out so quickly?

Lucien's lips curve into a smile as he takes my hand, his index finger gently tapping on the back of my hand.

Lucien: It's probably because... your browsing history is synced to my computer.

✂———————–

[Date]

If you want to follow along with the voice- you can hear it here . The date starts at 14:10

=[Part 1]=

The late autumn sunshine is softened by the clouds, leaping through the glass window and casting a honey-like, mottled glow on the wooden floor.

MC: Mmh…

The cold air wakes me. As I'm about to stretch, my right hand accidentally brushes against something warm and soft.

Lucien lies peacefully beside me, breathing steadily. His brow, furrowed from days of relentless work, finally relaxes as he falls into a deep well of sleep.

We crossed the ocean and arrived at an ancient castle on the Atlantic coast last night.

It is said that this castle was personally designed and built by an inventor from the electrical era. He gifted it to his wife as a wedding present upon its completion.

They fell in love as they settled down at this very place, continuously building love founded on mutual companionship. Here they remained until they eventually passed away together and were laid to rest eternally within the castle grounds.

The profound emotions and story, coupled with the beautiful view of maple leaves and the ancient castle before my eyes, strengthen my resolve to rent this castle.

Amidst the intermingling of light and shadow this early morning, I quietly gaze at Lucien and a soft warmth wells up in my heart.

A hand with defined knuckles encloses my right hand, his palm pressed against the back of my hand, transmitting his body heat.

It's as if he's reluctant to grasp it tightly, yet unwilling to let go, so he just gently cups my hand.

I raise the hand that he isn’t holding, my fingertips hovering at the smallest distance as I trace the outline of his features.

Eyelashes, the bridge of his nose, his lips… until those closed eyelids suddenly quiver and blink lightly.

Lucien slowly opens his eyes, a hint of soft sleepiness lingering in them.

His hold on my hand tightens as he looks at me drowsily, revealing a gentle, soft smile under the sunlight.

I shift my body slightly, blocking the sunlight that's falling into his eyes, then lean down and gently press my cheek against his.

MC: Happy birthday, Professor Lucien~

Lucien: [his sleepy, soft voice is so cute-] Thank you, my little lady.

He tilts his face up, nuzzling affectionately against my cheek. The sunlight falls on his side profile, making him look fluffy.

The strands of his hair tangle with mine, stirring tender and lingering itches.

Lucien: Waking up in a castle and hearing MC's blessing, I must be the happiest person in the world right now.

Lucien: If I were to say there's still something missing, it would probably be...

Lucien: [chuckles] You're right. This castle is indeed quite cold.

His teasing tone makes me unable to resist lifting the corner of my lips. I snuggle closer, resting my cheek on his collarbone and nuzzling against it, warming the slightly cold patch of skin.

After warming up his skin that was exposed to the air, I tilt my face up to look at him.

MC: Being here with you under the covers like this makes it feel just a bit warmer.  

MC: However, getting up and moving around might help warm up our body too.

I wink at Lucien, speaking with a feigned seriousness that makes the matter seem like a big deal.

MC: I’ve decided to leave this difficult decision to the esteemed castle owner. May I ask, what would Your Highness like to do*?

My words are the picture of courtesy, yet I press myself against Lucien, my hand boldly and unreservedly traces his cheek.

His chest, pressed tightly against mine, trembles softly. Lucien takes my fingers, bringing them to his pale lips for a gentle kiss.

Lucien: Since I’m the owner of this castle... then, I want to stay in bed with my girlfriend for a bit longer right now.

He looks at me and blinks, his eyelashes casting a warm shadow on his cheek.

Lucien: [chuckles] Is that okay?

His voice holds a touch of playful mischievousness. I meet those eyes filled with smiles and feel a little dazed.

MC: Of course…

Before I can even finish speaking, I feel his hand tighten around my waist, and I yield as he wraps me back in the blanket again.

From just a breath away, I hear Lucien's long, contented exhale.

Lucien: [chuckles softly, then exhales comfortably] Then stay with me a little longer, let's indulge in bed a bit more.

✂———————–

*: MC playfully used 您 (nin) here, which is like the formal way to say ‘you’. I translate this to ‘Your Highness’ as an attempt to capture this~

✂———————–

=[Part 2]=

We linger in bed until almost noon when Lucien finally 'digs' me out of the warm covers while I’m still drowsy from sleep.

After freshening up, we enjoy the sumptuous and exquisite brunch prepared by the butler.

Before the birthday dinner arrives, we still have a long stretch of leisurely time that we can freely arrange.

Considering this rare opportunity to vacation in the castle, we decide to spend half the day on the castle's lawn.

Late autumn is a season of vibrant colors, and the castle's designer clearly understood this well, planting a row of deciduous trees along the castle's edge.

[Trivia: Deciduous trees are trees that shed their leaves each year in the autumn!]

The lawn remains as green as an antique jade, but the leaves of the trees have already turned yellow, with a backdrop of maple forests ablaze in crimson.

The sunlight is warm, the fallen leaves crunch under my feet, and I can't help but take a deep breath.

MC: Mmm... It's the scent of autumn!

Lucien chuckles softly and, imitating me, takes a gentle breath of the autumn air.

Lucien: [chuckles] The air is so fresh. It must have rained last night; I can smell the petrichor.

MC: Hearing you say that, it feels like even the air today is a fresh gift for you~

I reach out and catch a falling leaf carried by the autumn breeze, gently placing it in Lucien's hand.

MC: Lucien, I want to give you a gift of autumn!

Lucien: A gift of autumn?

Lucien takes the leaf with a slightly puzzled look. I swing his hand gently and give him a wink.

MC: Consider this leaf a humble offering to spark something greater.

MC: I want to use these fallen leaves, flowers, and fruits to make an autumn basket, offering a small gift to today's birthday boy using nature's bounty.

Lucien gently nods in understanding, the curve of his lips remaining unchanged.

Lucien: Even though you're preparing a gift for me, the birthday boy himself is eager to join in too.

Lucien: Or is it that my little lady will only allow me to stand back and do nothing?

As he leans in slightly, his tone carries a hint of seriousness, and his fingertips lightly brush against my palm.

Sunlight sprinkles across his face, and his smiling eyes, framed by the interplay of light and shadow, appear even deeper, revealing a gentle slyness.

MC: Of course I need Professor Lucien's help, but when it comes to the final weaving stage, the birthday boy can't peek~

Lucien: No problem, I will be an honest collaborator.

The autumn wind lifts his hair, creating gentle curves as it sweeps through the strands. I gather his fingers in mine and we step onto the forest path by the castle.

MC: Let's go then, we still need a lot of materials~

In the maple forest during late autumn, fruit trees laden with fruit hide amongst the low bushes, while vibrant beeches with flourishing branches and leaves stand beside the tall oaks.

Purple crocuses peek their delicate buds from the grass, while after the rain, strange fungi unfurl their caps and release spores.

It's like stumbling into an autumn oil painting with bold colors and thick brushstrokes, every glance reveals a colorful and magnificent scenery.

When Lucien picks up a plump acorn, a red squirrel with a fluffy tail scurries out and squeaks at him.

MC: Wow, such a daring little squirrel!

Lucien and I are both taken aback for a moment; this little fellow seems completely unafraid of us.

MC: Is it greeting us, or is it trying to steal the fruit we've picked up?

Lucien seems to already have a way to handle this, a hint of cunningness flashing in his eyes.

He takes a pine cone in his hand and gently dangles it in front of the little squirrel's tail.

Lucien: [chuckles] Little guy, do you want this?

The greedy little squirrel's eyes instantly fixate on the new pine cone, completely captivated by his movement, and it scurries forward a few steps.

It stuffs the pine cone from Lucien's hand into its mouth in one gulp, then hops away with its cheeks puffed out.

Lucien: [chuckles] This maple forest is their world. That pine cone, well, let's just consider it an ‘entry fee'.

Lucien raises his hand again, and when he opens his palm before me, there they are—several even plumper and cuter acorns.

MC: Hold on, turns out you've been secretly keeping all these 'hidden treasures' to yourself!

Lucien: [in an ‘innocent’ tone] After all, my little lady needs these acorns, so I had to find a way to evade those sharp-eared and keen-eyed little fellows.

Though he says this, Lucien shows a relaxed expression, looking like a little fox pretending to be innocent.

The thought of the Great Professor Lucien actually ‘tricking’ a squirrel makes me burst out laughing. I grab his hand and pull him along as I run in the other direction.

MC: Hahaha, Professor Lucien, quick, run with me! Be careful, the little squirrel might go find the squirrel police and report us!

I hold hands with Lucien as we walk through the woods. The surrounding scenery is vibrant with colors, creating the impression of a flowing oil painting.

The air around the sweet osmanthus trees is filled with a sweet fragrance like cotton candy, while black walnuts and red oak acorns roll on the ground.

My pockets are loaded with autumn's ‘spoils’ which keep spilling out as I run, as if they are merging with the forest's hidden mysteries.

Despite these minor incidents, we still manage to gather a basketful of autumn's gifts.

✂———————–

Back indoors, I carry my blessings for Lucien and patiently weave them together.

Leaves and fruits gradually take shape in my hands, carrying small heartfelt wishes, preserving the warmth and liveliness of autumn.

And then, I find Lucien by the window.

He seems to have just come inside, a hint of coldness still clinging to him, but when he turns and looks back at me, a gentle smile quickly spreads across his face.

I smile and lift the basket of fruits and flowers with both hands as if I'm holding all the beauty of autumn.

MC: This castle’s most beautiful autumn is all right here! Here, it's all yours—

MC: I hope every day of your future can be as complete, fulfilling, and beautiful as this~

Lucien's eyes curve into a smile as he takes the basket.  Suddenly, I feel a touch of moist coolness against my ear.

Through the glass window, I see him quietly tuck a vibrant Cleome flower into my hair.

Lucien: Thank you, I really like these autumn gifts.

Lucien: But for me, the most beautiful part of autumn is right here before my eyes.

Lucien: She blooms year after year, staying by my side, and leaving me utterly captivated*.

✂———————–

[T/N]

I think the Cleome Spinosa flower, also known as 醉蝶花 ("intoxicated butterfly") carries symbolic meaning. When Lucien gives her this particular flower, it reflects his emotions about her. The final line (她年复一年地盛开,陪在我的身边,令我沉��其中 — literally translated as "She blooms year after year, staying by my side, and leaving me intoxicated") directly connects to the "intoxicating" (醉) in the flower's name with the word 沉醉 (immersed in a state of intoxication) in the last line, which combines 沉 (to sink or immerse) and 醉 (to be drunk or intoxicated).

沉醉 conveys the emotional nuances of being utterly captivated, deeply enchanted, and overwhelmed in a consuming, blissful way. This imagery mirrors the 'intoxicated butterfly' of the flower, as if he's the 'intoxicated butterfly', utterly captivated and completely consumed by her existence.

✂———————–

=[Part 3]=

It's past dusk, and the sunlight is as golden and radiant as freshly harvested honey. Outside the window, a vast expanse of red maple trees sways in harmony with the evening breeze, whispering a soft melody. Leaves flutter and dance their way into the room every now and then.

I rub my arms, for even this gentle and beautiful scenery can’t stop the temperature from dropping as night falls.

MC: Uh... It feels even colder than it did this morning.

Just then, the sound of rolling wheels comes from behind me. Lucien approaches, pushing a small wooden cart, a plush shawl in his hand.

Lucien: I found a pretty good way to warm up, want to give it a try?

He gently wraps a shawl around me, and I comfortably nuzzle against his warm and cozy neck.

MC: I'm all ears to hear the esteemed opinions of the castle's owner!

Lucien smiles mysteriously, holds my hand, and pushes the cart as we walk together to a door leading underground.

MC: This is... a wine cellar?

Lucien: I think it would be more ceremonial if we chose the wine list ourselves tonight.

He lights the two oil lamps that were prepared in advance. Each of us carries one, and we slowly move forward through the rich aroma of oak barrels.

According to the butler, the wine cellar was recently ventilated.  

Yet, perhaps the overwhelming aroma of wine saturates the air, walking inside makes me feel a bit stifled. I even feel slightly intoxicated just from the scent, before even having a sip.

Besides me, only Lucien still carries the fresh and crisp scent of grass and trees from when we were gathering fruits and fallen leaves.

It feels like he is the only antidote in this dim room filled with the floating aroma of wine.

Red maple leaves, the wine cellar, the wine itself… memories from the past seem to overlap at this moment.

Suddenly, I recall the winery we visited long ago.

The memory of the autumn stained red by the maple leaves has brought with it the restlessness and infatuation of the past, spilling out from the bottom of my heart without any reason...

It's as if my lips still retain the feeling of his touch when he wiped away the wine stain for me, making my heartbeat inexplicably quicken. Just then, I catch sight of Lucien gently placing a bottle of wine into the cart.

MC: Professor Lucien, what kind of wine did you choose?

Lucien: Riesling white wine.

Lucien turns the bottle around to show me.

Lucien: When I got the cart, the butler knew I was going to the wine cellar and recommended this castle's specialty to me.

Lucien: And you?

I suppress the excitement in my heart and wink at him mysteriously.

MC: Hmph, you'll find out soon enough.

The light and soft aroma of white wine fills the air, and even the candles on the wall seem intoxicated by the wine's fragrance, their flames gently flickering.  

Under the twilight dome of the sky, the shadows of the wine rack and stone walls sway gracefully in the flickering firelight.  

Lucien and I sit at a small table nearby, two crystal-clear glasses already filled with wine, exuding a faintly tipsy aura.  

After two glasses of Riesling, I feel warmth spreading through my body and let out a satisfied sigh.

MC: Ahh, so comfortable... I don't feel cold at all anymore~ As expected of the wine Professor Lucien chose.

Lucien: [chuckles] Would you like some more?

I smile and shake my head, winking at him mysteriously.

MC: First, let's try the wine I picked~

I open the bottle of wine I selected and pour a glass for Lucien, sneaking a glance at his face from the corner of my eye.  

The candlelight cast a soft filter over him, concealing his keen and contemplative eyes, which revealed a soft glow under the haze of the wine.

He parts his pale lips, gently swallows the wine, and seems to be momentarily dazed.

MC: How is it?

I can barely contain my anticipation as I watch his brow smooth slightly, relaxing further after taking in the wine.

Confusion and surprise flit through his gentle eyes, before swiftly transforming into a clear understanding.

Lucien:  ...This flavor is very unique, and yet also very familiar.

Lucien: It's sweet and tender, yet with a touch of bitterness and complexity*.

[Notes from Lux: He copied her remark from back then, word by word :”””. 纠结 is a tricky word to translate because it literally means “intertwined”/”tangled”. But figuratively, it implies a kind of intertwined, tangled feeling, commonly describing a state of emotional or mental conflict, where someone feels torn between different choices or is experiencing confusion and hesitation (a.k.a the state of the earlier stage of their relationship-). I went with ‘complexity’ to capture some nuances, but it might not capture this ‘entangling’ feeling.]

The complex yet familiar remark sends a rush of emotions through me. Just as I’m thinking about what to say, Lucien smiles.

Lucien: But when I savor it again, I feel a warmth, like that of sunshine and rain—a delicate, pleasant warmth.

The familiar words stir a trace of emotion in my heart, and in a daze, it feels as if the autumn equinox of that year has arrived at this very moment.

He still remembers—this is the same bottle of wine I tasted back when we were just getting to know each other, during our visit to Eileen's winery for an interview.

My fingertips unconsciously rub against the bottle, and my thoughts follow my gaze to the red maple trees bathed in the evening glow.

Back then, it was also the season when the maples were crimson and the flowers were in full bloom...

A maple leaf, as if on cue, is swayed by the evening breeze and drifts toward me. I instinctively reach out, and the leaf gently lands in my palm.

It feels as though the early days of tentative exploration and the subtle sweetness of that time have traveled with the falling leaf, arriving here in this foreign land at this moment.

Lucien: I remember, on the way to the winery, I mentioned Maple Road. We ended up going there together.

Lucien: On Maple Road, we read a poetry collection together and visited a maple sugar shack.

Lucien: Later, I drew a picture of you collecting maple leaves. That drawing even ended up in an exhibition...

The rippling light of the wine in the crystal glass reflects on him, even his gaze holds tender memories.

Lucien speaks calmly, his memories unfolding like a heavy book, slowly opening before me with the sound of his voice.

The bond beneath the red maple tree and the feelings growing in the vineyard, word by word, moment by moment, intertwine and become etched into our story-

Only those who created it together can turn its pages and retrieve each other's anchors from the endless flow of time.

My heart is stirred, subtly and uncontrollably. I can't help but rush into Lucien's arms, hugging him tightly.

MC: I remember too.

MC: Not just these things you've mentioned... everything about you, I remember it all.

MC: So after today, Professor Lucien should also update this birthday into all our autumn memories.

His chest pressed close to me, trembles slightly. A warm, gentle kiss falls on my forehead, soft and cherishing.

Lucien: Such beautiful memories, I don't seem to have any reason to let them fade away.

I lift my face joyfully and gently kiss his chin.  

We have already experienced countless stories through many autumns and celebrated each of his birthdays.

And I also want to write down promises with him for each and every autumn in the future, continuing on for a very, very long time.

MC: Then it's a promise!

Lucien smiles faintly and lifts me up with one hand, his gentle gaze meeting mine at eye level.

Lucien: [chuckles] However, if I want to make the anchor of this ‘memory’ even more profound, I still need to gather a bit of inspiration…

The remaining of his words are lost into our mingling breaths, replaced by a crisp kiss tinged with the scent of wine.

This kiss is gentle and intoxicating, leaving me somewhat tipsy, though not from the effects of alcohol.

Perhaps it's because the youthful and inexperienced flavor of that past has long since mixed with the passionate love that has matured over time…

Blending and growing, pulling me deeply into it.

✂———————–

=[Part 4]=

The twilight gradually fades into the night, and the bright moon quietly hangs in the autumn night, illuminating the still dazzling and fiery red maple leaves.

Lucien and I are still sitting at the table, enjoying the tranquility, when a sudden coldness brushes against my cheek.

I raise my head and realize, without noticing it, that snowflakes have already begun drifting down from the sky. Just then, I hear Lucien's smiling voice beside me.

Lucien: It seems that today's ‘gifts’ are not over yet.

MC: After all, today is your birthday—the whole world will be sending you blessings~

Our gazes meet, and with a tacit understanding, we both set down our glasses and take each other's hands.

Lucien: Then, can I invite my ‘world’ to go out with me and experience this beauty together?

In the courtyard, rustling red maples intertwine with falling snowflakes, as if autumn and winter themselves are completing their handover at this very moment.

We get an umbrella from the butler and hold hands as we follow the stone path down the hill from the old castle.

The moonlight on a snowy night grows brighter as we walk side by side to the small town at the foot of the hill, where the houses and streetlights are all covered in a delicate layer of snowflakes.

On the streets of the small town, many people, like Lucien and I, stroll under the moonlight, accompanied by the backdrop of the first snowfall, tacitly enjoying this tranquil night.

I turn my head to look at Lucien and find him reaching out his hand, gently catching a falling snowflake.

His eyes curve faintly, as if harboring some kind of quiet longing, even carrying a touch of rare childlike innocence.

MC: [smiles softly] Why does it feel like Professor Lucien has a special fondness for this snow?

My tone holds a hint of curiosity, wanting to capture this rare glimpse of his innocence. Lucien smiles and begins to speak softly.

Lucien: [softly, like recalling a cherished memory] Just remembered a movie I watched when I was little. I remember... it was about an inventor who lived in a castle.

Lucien: After watching it as a child, there was a time when I also wanted to be an inventor with a castle.

My eyes widen in a bit of surprise.

MC: [pouts] I can understand wanting to be an inventor, but why did it have to be one who lives in a castle…

MC: Professor Lucien, could it be that you're teasing me on purpose just because we came to a castle this year?

Lucien: [chuckles] Of course not. But if this story will make this little lady happy, I’d be more than willing to tell it to you.

MC: I want to hear it, I want to hear it!

I enthusiastically put on an attentive look, Lucien smiles as he begins to speak.

Lucien: Actually, the reason for wanting to own a castle is quite simple.

Lucien: Because that way, just like the main character in the movie, I could have a space of my own to carry out those daring and even dangerous experiments.

Lucien: And my parents could also accompany me in the castle, pursuing the research they are deeply passionate about.

Lucien: That way, they wouldn’t have to be 'trapped' in the lab all the time.

Lucien speaks naturally, his voice imbued with a soft smile, yet it's as if a tiny window is being opened.

Through that window, I seem to see a little Lucien, his eyes sparkling with fascination as he watches the movie, his heart filled with simple and pure longing.

My heart suddenly softens, and I can’t help but smile tenderly as I start to speak.

MC: The dream of becoming an inventor could now be considered halfway realized~

MC: After all, Professor Lucien is a great scientist walking at the forefront of humanity—it’s perhaps even more remarkable than that!

MC: As for the castle... you've been the ‘owner of the castle’ for a day today, does that count?

Lucien: [chuckles] Of course it counts. And now, there’s even the first snowfall.

He takes my slightly cold hand and slips it in his pocket, softly rubbing it.

Lucien: I can no longer recall the plot of that movie very well. But I do remember that on the day we watched it, it also snowed in Loveland City.

Lucien: That day, they finished work early and brought home the videotape of that movie.

Lucien: The movie ended with the town welcoming its first snowfall, and we also stepped outside together to enjoy the snowy world.

He speaks vaguely, but I understand everything.

His low voice feels especially serene on this snowy night, yet as he speaks, another scene unfolds before my eyes.

When his room flooded before, he tidied up those old videotapes and set them aside, placing them carefully in a separate spot.

Is this old movie among those tapes?

As he put away the videotapes, did he recall that ancient castle and that warm snowfall?

I don’t know the answer, but I can feel that those fleeting, rarely mentioned fragments of his past were once so distant and cold.

But now, those precious fragments have thawed like melting ice and snow, filled with nostalgia and warmth as they slowly flow.

I instinctively tighten my hold on his hand.

The first snowfall is falling thicker and thicker, yet it isn't biting cold. Snowflakes gently drift past the edge of the umbrella, landing on the tips of my hair and forehead, as well as Lucien's.

It's as if this world is bestowing its blessings on Lucien in the most gentle way.

MC: Even though it's many years late, it seems that we've now made little Lucien's childhood dream come true.

With a chuckle, Lucien's low voice reaches me through the wind and snow.

Lucien: [chuckles] Indeed, so I was quite surprised, but also delightfully so.

Lucien: However, if it weren’t for this twist of fate, perhaps I wouldn’t have thought of this idea again for a very, very long time.

Lucien: [softly] Because I've long had something far more important.

Lucien: To me, those forgotten thoughts are more like a bottle of wine hidden in a cellar.

MC: Wine?

Lucien: Mm, just like the wine we’re drinking today.

Lucien: Grapes can never return to their original form, but time makes them richer and more mellow, and they will always meet someone who knows how to cherish them.

Lucien: She will give me a castle, stay in bed with me, treasure an entire autumn with me... and walk with me through quiet streets on snowy nights.

A snowflake quietly lands on his eyelashes and melts a moment later. It’s as if the melted droplets seep into my heart, creating ripples of sweet warmth.

I can't help but speak softly, offering all my blessings to my beloved standing before me under the moonlight of this snowy night.

MC: Happy birthday, Lucien.

May each and every year of your future be surrounded with love as you move forward.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*FIN*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[Bonus Phone call]

Lucien: I received the email you sent. Looks like it has some intel about a birthday.

MC: Yes! It's a text-based open-source game I found online. I modified it a bit~

MC: You can start from age 0 and randomly generate the 'life' of a little Lucien!

Lucien: Mm, just now, I've already completed two endings.

Lucien: The first time, little Lucien was accidentally captured by an alien spacecraft at the age of three and left Earth forever.

Lucien: The second time, little Lucien received a mysterious admission letter at the age of sixteen. No one knows where he went.

[Aren't these just a reflection of his past??? from being kidnapped by BS to mysteriously disappearing hhhhh]

MC: Haha, is the game’s random value design too harsh? Maybe I should tweak it a bit...

Lucien: No need, I really like this level of difficulty. It’s precisely this randomness that makes it so interesting to me.

Lucien: I’ve just started my third playthrough. This time, I’ve decided to reallocate some of the 15 points I gave to intelligence and assign some to luck.

[Not this basically saying that his genius may be the reason for his unluckiness in life :""". His 'luck' in life is that he's able to met her]

MC: So Professor Lucien had been putting all the points into one stat before! No wonder you kept having such over-the-top mysterious experiences...

Lucien: I just subconsciously wanted to test the limits of this little game, and unexpectedly made real discoveries.

Lucien: Although these endings greatly increased the game's replayability, this time, I want to make the game last a bit longer.

Lucien: That way, perhaps I can meet you in the game as well.

MC: Hehe, you can look forward to it!

MC: So, how's it going? What age did you reach in your third playthrough?

Lucien: …Hmm, I've already invented the elixir of immortality and reached the age of two hundred, but I still haven't encountered you.

Lucien: Am I on the right track?

MC: Pfft! I did set up an encounter, but I didn't set an age limit, thinking it would slightly increase replayability...

MC: I feel like I might have overdone it...

Lucien: It’s okay. In the game, little Lucien has already met you—at the age of five hundred.

Lucien: Then, on his birthday, we confessed to each other at the same time and spent a happy life together.

[Man so love-brained that he creates an immortality elixir and stubbornly waits a long time to finally meet her LOL. In this way, it can be said that his current life might be the 'luckiest' possibility because it allows him to meet her so soon]

MC: Hahaha, that's good, that's good... So, do you like this "life path" of becoming an inventor?

Lucien: I like it. I like everything and my destined encounter with you.

Lucien: I’ll be home soon, and when I get there, I’d like to invite you to explore all the other possibilities for little Lucien together—

Lucien: And explore every moment I spent with you on this birthday.

[caramelmochacrow]

happy birthday himari!!! :D

[xxplastic-cubexx]

reading Krakoa era out of order bc reading lists online make it confusing and my local library only has so many books

just as god intended right on my friend you're doing everything right and don't let anyone tell you otherwise

[rexscanonwife]

I'm crying and throwing up and asking where my phone is

[chisatowo]

Rotates Wendy gender moments in my head at rapid speeds

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[kaijutegu]

Happy Valentine's Day! When you think about love and the animal kingdom, are alligators an animal that comes to mind? No? Well, they should be, because they have some of the most interesting courtship behavior of any non-bird. (Bird displays are something else entirely.) I think it's time that you all are introduced to the Big Gay Alligator Sex Study, more properly known as Courtship Behavior of American Alligators (Alligator mississipiensis), written by Kent Vliet. You can get the paper at the link below!

This was a study done over a 3-year period in the 80s with a population of captive American alligators to look at how they interacted. Alligators are incredibly social and have complex behavioral dynamics, and their courtship rituals and routines are pretty dang interesting. In general, crocodilians spend a great deal of time interacting with each other when compared to other reptiles, and the courtship behavior of a few species is well-documented. But in this post, I'm mostly going to talk about the American alligator (with a quick detour into Cuban crocs).

Why Do We Care About Courtship?

So before I dive into talking about this study, let's talk about why we care about courtship (the social behavior that leads to mating) and mating (sexual interaction that could, hypothetically, lead to reproduction). Courtship and mating are extremely important when studying animal behavior- honestly, they're extremely important when studying zoology in general. In some cases, understanding this behavior actually a major conservation concern! For example, the Cuban crocodile is an endangered species. They're largely constricted to two swampy areas of Cuba, both of which also have American crocodiles present. And unfortunately, the female Cuban crocs find the male American crocs really, really sexy. This is a big problem, because with only about 3-4,000 Cuban crocs left in the wild (possibly even fewer), they need to be breeding with their own species to make more Cubanitos.

These. Make more of them.

But what scientists have found is that not only are there hybrid crocs in the wild, the Cuban population of American crocodiles is more closely related to Cuban crocodiles than other populations of American crocodiles, suggesting this has been going on for a very long time.

You can read more about that here if you want, but back to the gay alligators.

Alligator? More Like Alli-GAY-tor, amiright?

(actually that IS wrong it's more like alli-bisexual-tor, but that doesn't sound like alligator)

So how does a study like this happen? Back in the 80s, the American population was Feeling A Way about alligators. Something that you gotta understand when you're doing any kind of conservation is that people protect what they love, and they love what they understand. Alligators are a major conservation success story today- there's millions in the wild- but they were in serious danger of extinction in the 1960s, and it was a combination of legislation, awareness campaigns, and captive breeding at both zoological parks and commercial gator farms that helped bring them back. As a result, they were one of the first species to be de-listed from the ESA!

All of this attention meant that alligator science was flourishing in the late 70s and 80s, and that's where this study comes into being. This post is long enough so I'm not gonna go into all the details and methodology- you can find that in the paper I linked up top!

However, there is one piece of methodology we should talk about, and that's the choice of study population. It's part of what makes this particular study so interesting!. See, in a lot of cases, captive behavior really differs from wild behavior. This can be impacted by captivity conditions- what other animals the study animal has access to, what behaviors the animal has learned in captivity, even down to things like how the animals are fed. For example, some courtship behavior in captive animals can be the result of unnatural habitat conditions or limited social groupings. If you only have access to a couple of conspecifics, you don't have the same choices that you do if you have access to something closer to a wild population. If you've got a breeding group with one male and a handful of females, you can't ask or answer any questions about male/male interactions! Crowding is also an issue- too many animals in a space can be stressful, and lead to atypical sexual behavior.

But that's one of the cool elements of this study: the alligators in question live in a large social group in a lagoon that's basically just natural habitat with a boardwalk going around it. It's about as close to studying a wild population as you can get, with the advantage that it's far more accessible. And what this leads to is that that the researchers were able to see a really wide range of behavior, because all of the alligators had lots of access to lots of different mates. They were able to make choices that you wouldn't see in a smaller group. There's a trade-off that Vliet notes, and that is the population density and captive situation means that results might not quite work out the way they do in the wild- but in the years since, the results of the study have been vindicated with research into wild populations.

So, what are alligators into? Gay sex, group sex, yelling real loud, and lots and lots of... gentle caressing.

that's not a euphemism they spend a lot of time gently rubbing each others' faces

So first things first, it turns out that the vast majority of alligator mounting, which occurs after courtship behaviors like jaw rubbing, bellowing, head rubbing, and swimming together is male/male. Over the three year study period, an average of 68% of all sexual interactions were male/male. However, what they don't really notice is exclusivity, because when it comes to the sex of their sex partner, alligators... well. They aren't all that picky.

Another fascinating aspect of alligator courtship is what's called courtship groups. These are readily observed in captive settings (and in the wild, too, as mentioned in Dragon Songs), and are mixed-sex groups that spontaneously form. As other alligators approach a mounting pair, the original pair will happily split up and switch partners. Usually what happens is that the alligator on top slides off to initiate courtship with a newly-arrived individual. What's really interesting here is that, as the author notes, "males engaged in courtship with a female readily terminate that interaction and initiate interactions with males." Another fun element of alligator courtship is that while in most vertebrates, males approach females, alligator females often approach males. Usually it's the males approaching, but for many crocodilians, courtship initiation is an equal-opportunity affair.

Alligators are also really vocal during courtship! This is pretty unusual for a reptile- usually they're a quiet bunch. But crocodilians are pretty chatty. And during the breeding season, something pretty spectacular happens: infrasonic communication, better known as bellowing. This is sometimes called water dancing, due to the ripple patterns it makes. It's a loud, low-pitched rumble that conveys information about size and location, and is used for territorial displays and as a mating call. During the not-breeding season, a bellow means "stay away!" During the breeding season, it means "HOT ALLIGATOR SINGLES IN YOUR AREA."

Here's some pretty spectacular videos showing you what this looks and sounds like. The vibrations make the water above their backs splash up.

Alligators are also extremely tactile during courtship. The study has detailed analysis of touch in specific tactile zones along the head and neck of the alligators. Vliet notes "These sites have increased numbers of swollen pustular scale organs, the function of which is unknown."

What's kinda funny about this to me is that now, the functions of these organs are known- they're highly innervated tissues that help alligators detect prey in murky water. An alligator's jaws are more sensitive than a human fingertip due to the sheer number of nerve endings! So of course these areas are going to be highly sensitive, and to me it makes perfect sense that they feature so heavily in courtship.

So what can we take away from this 40-year-old study? Quite a bit! First, it's a great reminder that humans aren't special. We see same-sex mating behavior in pretty much every species we look at. We see it in cockroaches, spiders, and butterflies. We see it in sheep. We see it in alligators. We see it in every other species of great ape. Of course we also see it in humans! There's nothing that special about same-sex sexual behavior. It's a part of... pretty much everybody's evolutionary history.

Another thing I think is really important is that while this is an old study, it was absolutely pivotal as a turning point in helping people understand alligators. Remember how I said earlier that we protect what we love, and we love what we understand? This study showed the world that alligators weren't just mindless eating machines. They're socially complex! Understanding alligator sociality and how they choose mates and interact helped us care for them better. It told us more about how to keep them happy in captivity. Alligators are smart, communicative creatures. They don't always get along, but they don't always fight, either. (Don't get me wrong: they will fight each other, and they've actually evolved some pretty specific anti-other-alligator defenses... but they don't always fight, even during the breeding season.) This is interesting to me because in mammals, it's hypothesized that same-sex sexual behavior may have evolved for prosocial reasons; that is, it helps reduce conflicts. Perhaps it does the same for alligators.

In conclusion:

If you want to know more about alligator courtship and mating rituals, I can't recommend Vladimir Dinets's Dragon Songs: Love and Adventure Among Crocodiles, Alligators, and Other Dinosaur Relations highly enough. I know I talk about this book all the time, but it's easily the most accessible writing on crocodilian social behavior. It will change the way you think about and understand these animals.

Another phenomenal book is Alligators: The Illustrated Guide to Their Biology, Behavior, and Conservation by Kent Vliet. (Hm, wonder if he's written anything else...) This is basically the Bible for gator behavior. The photographs are absolutely gorgeous, too.

[sugar-grigri]

Nayuta wasn't killed by Barem, she's his ally 

Poor fandom, you're disorientated just when your compasses should be working properly. 

Let's learn how to eat sushi properly, step by step. Or rather, how about reading Chainsaw Man in the right order? By calmly superimposing everything we know in the right order 

So let's not panic, let's get on with it. Dry your tears, clean your snot and let's get back to the introductions. 

First layer of sushi: Denji and Pochita are made for each other 

Who is Chainsaw Man? It's a question we've been asking ourselves a lot, but how about a simple answer - we're not here to mess around. Chainsaw Man is the combined result of Pochita + Denji. Do we agree? Why have they become so close? Because they look alike, don't they? Alone, hungry, in need of a little warmth and a little love. 

Second layer of sushi: birthday, despair, amnesia...

If we take the stories in outline, Denji meets Makima and then bonds with his siblings. A sibling who eventually dies, and whose final breaking point is his sister, cut in two. On top of that, it's his birthday, isn't it? Makima invites Denji to open the door that confined his traumas, including the death of Denji’s father? 

You see, I've already missed it, I went too fast. Let's resume calmly, birthday... Denji had forgotten it was his birthday, hadn't he? His birthday is the day you're born, it's one of the few pieces of information we don't really question, but Denji forgot it. But haven't you ever really wondered...

If Denji had celebrated his birthday? And why, how, he wanted to eat a cake? His father was violent and his mother died when he was very young, so is it really safe to say that Denji celebrated his birthday? 

I had another question, why does Fujimoto always seem to accentuate the cakes so much?

I really think that cake is one of the keys, because it's a tunnel of memories that resurfaces in Denji, the cake, his birthday, then Power's death, then his father's death. It's a sushi within a sushi (we're slowly taking things back in order), I think it's about layers that need to be taken back in chronological order, yes chronological 1) the death of Denji's father 2) the death of Power 3) Denji's birthday 4) the cake. Which brings us to this scene.

Was this scene shown not just metaphorical or symbolic, but actually happened? Denji having contracted with the control demon whose power is to control memory, in order to reshape him perfectly so as not to be happy and to do whatever she asks of him later. Why couldn't Denji open that door? Why does Aki's death sound so abruptly like Denji's absence, with a mini ellipsis that doesn't show us in concrete terms how Chainsaw Man killed him? I'm going too fast again, let's start again...

Makima hasn't made Denji unhappy, she's created a being made for unhappiness.

This scene refers to an anniversary, amnesia and despair, all ingredients that enabled Pochita to take complete possession of Denji and show us the most complete version of Chainsaw Man.

Which means Barem isn't lying, is he? Same here, I'm going too fast!

Third layer of sushi: the closer Denji gets to happiness, the more he doubts...

Denji manages to become himself again and succeeds in killing Makima, by devouring her. In a very simple and concrete way, Makima was devoured and this put an end to her existence. Keep this in mind. Nayuta is reborn, becoming Denji's little sister, lots of dogs surround them, Chainsaw Man becomes extremely popular and it's in this part 2 that Denji will feel the least like himself, the least like Chainsaw Man. Strangely enough, it's when he approaches a semblance of happiness that Denji pulls away from himself.

Barem really doesn't seem to be lying, does he? But once again, I'm going too fast, let's get on with it!

Fourth layer of sushi: Barem never lies 

This is something I quickly came up with, and it's so precise, I think his character is thought of that way, and it's his narrative role. Even though he's deceitful, manipulative and devious, the bro does NOT LIE. He didn't lie about the weapons attack, he didn't lie that he looked like a Chainsaw Man fan, and he doesn't lie in the last chapter. But same, I'm going too fast. 

Fifth layer of sushi: Nayuta betrayed by Chainsaw Man 

When Denji made the choice to become Chainsaw Man, the house, his source of happiness, was falling to ashes, his dogs, his cat were dying. Denji went through with his dream and abandoned the little sister who made him happy. Barem didn't impose misfortune on Denji; it was Denji who chose misfortune, despite Nayuta's fears. The happier he was with her, the more he lost himself. He left her in Barem's hands and provoked an existential crisis in her. Which made her reconnect with her old self. 

Sixth layer of sushi: an unblocked memory. 

The aftertaste that sticks to your palate is a piece of information I mentioned earlier. Makima has been devoured. What defines the Knights of the Apocalypse from the rest of the demons? Their memory. What if Nayuta had now understood how Chainsaw Man's power worked? 

Seventh layer of sushi: chapter 170. 

This explains Nayuta's severed head, a macabre mise-en-scène to make her brother lose his mind a little more. As for Barem, he doesn't lie to us and gives us instructions on how to read Chainsaw Man. He knows how to read Chainsaw Man, since he knows the two conditions for him to regain his full power because Nayuta gave them to him. For all this is nothing more than their death. 

Layer zero of sushi: the unknown. 

Now I'm entering the quintessential madness of my analysis. Makima contracted with Denji at a very young age, and gave him several orders: survive at all costs, remain miserable, and one day kill Power and Aki. Above all, she ordered him to contract with Pochita, hence Denji's reflex to hand his open wound directly to the demon. This misfortune, this amnesia due to the contract with Makima, this survival on his own, finally allowed a weakened Chainsaw Man to find a kindred spirit, a loved one. Believing in happiness, then destroying it, kept Chainsaw Man's power in check, those vain dreams only a human could imagine. Denji was a kind of Russian doll, holding back Pochita and his over-power. That's why these two conditions exist. 

To be unhappy, or to break this Russian doll. 

To be feared by all, or to be alone. 

Or kill Denji. 

To save Pochita. 

Layer - 100000 of sushi: did you think I'd finished losing my head? I don't think so. What if everything I've been telling you all along, taking things in order, were to be done in reverse? Take them out of order. I'll ask the questions so you can understand. Why is Makima so obsessed with Chainsaw Man? Why did the Knights of the Apocalypse fight Chainsaw Man in the underworld? How did they manage to retain their memories? Why start the story with a parricide? Why was Denji finely polished by Makima to welcome Pochita when Makima never saw Denji, the reason for her own death? How could she enter into a contract with someone she has never seen? 

Because someone is controlling the control demon itself. Just as it controls the way the story is presented to us. How can we trust an antagonist who controls memory? And an amnesiac protagonist? 

Why did Pochita do what he did in the underworld? Why this sudden fury? Why do demons hear chainsaws at the moment of their death? 

Because we've come full circle. More precisely, what you're reading is not part 2 but part 1, or to be more (MORE) precise, the end of Chainsaw Man will lead to its beginning. The desire to create a better world, to kill death, will lead to a temporal loop in the world that will never cross the apocalypse, blocked just ahead. 

Makima herself is controlled by her future self, which allows her to make references to the future and know the recipes for unleashing Chainsaw Man's power without understanding why, her future self knows Chainsaw Man, she loved him. So Makima also loves Chainsaw Man without really understanding why, amnesiac like Denji.

Denji doesn't kill his father, it's his old self who is killed. 

But another Denji tries to put an end to this... 

Spiral. 

Stuck between two worlds, two temporalities, morning (Asa), night (Yoru), someone is trying to put an end to this endless world, before dawn.

[latetaektalk]

love to hate you | jjk [viii, preview]

“when obnoxiously rich and spoiled frat boy jeon jungkook comes up to you one day and asks you to fake date him for money, you definitely should have said no. because before you knew it, you were going on insta dates with him and having lunch with his equally obnoxiously rich and spoiled friends.”

— genre: fratboy! AU, fake dating! AU, college! AU, rich kid! AU, enemies to lovers! AU, angst, fluff, sexual themes (later chapters)

— pairing: jungkook x female reader

— word count: estimated 100k for the entire series, 970 for this preview

— warnings: none for this preview

— playlist: to be added

— a/n: i cant believe we've gotten this far into the story. we're slowly but surely nearing the end and i hope you guys will have as much fun reading this as i did writing it bc this is by far my favourite chapter ive written so far for those two idiots <3

— find it here

Oh.

Your friends followed your gaze.

Jungkook had his backpack strapped to his shoulder and the red scarf wrapped around his neck. It shouldn’t be possible. You were technically too far for you to properly see, but you saw it—the tension in his shoulders, the strain in his nape, the deep knit between his brows. He was…. annoyed. It was new to you. For a moment, you almost expected to find Narae walking behind him, bugging him, hot on his trail. It would explain it to you, and you would just simply walk over there and pull him to your table. Just like that, you would ease the knit between your brows, take the tension out of his shoulders and neck-

But it wasn’t Narae. 

It was Taehyung. 

He said something to Jungkook that made him roll his eyes. Jungkook didn’t seem to want to respond, shaking his head and waving his hand around, an attempt to end the conversation. But Taehyung wasn’t so kind, going on, even taking hold of his shoulder.

“Someone is in a mood,” Namjoon mumbled, cringing.

“What are they talking about, Y/N?” Jimin asked, looking at you, and you stared right back at him, frowning.

“How would I know?”

“You’re his girlfriend.”

“So?”

“Go find out.”

“What? I just walk up to them and say,” you raised your voice a few pitches, “‘Oh my God, hi, you guys are clearly fighting. Care to share?’ Is that what you want?”

Jimin blinked, shrugging. “Sure, that would work.”

“You’re so ridiculous, Jimin,” you hissed, touching a hand to your forehead. “That wouldn’t work.”

“Of course, it would. Kook’s absolutely obsessed-”

“Oh my God, shut up,” Chaeyoung hissed, slapping Jimin. “They’re looking!”

“You guys are always so loud,” Hoseok sighed, and you sent him a glare because no, you don’t! It’s just Jimin!

But they were right. Taehyung and Jungkook were both looking at you, their conversation having come to an end. When you met his gaze, Jungkook’s face contorted into something else, features twitching. You couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but it wasn’t the usual. He didn’t soften in the way you were used to when he would see you. And when you tried a smile, Jungkook struggled to return it. You felt shot, and your smile faltered.

But Jimin didn’t sense it at all, wildly waving his hand around, gesturing for the two to come this way. And as if it wasn’t more obvious, he yelled it too, “Hey, Tae and Kook! Come join us!”

Jisoo sighed, “He’s such an idiot.”

Chaeyoung and Hoseok shrugged, as if to say well, it’s Jimin. They were right, it was just Jimin being himself, unaware and impulsive. Namjoon didn’t have any words, shaking his head. 

Jungkook and Taehyung looked at each other, exchanging a few words before the latter glanced at his watch and shook his head. He had to go. Taehyung placed his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder, whispering something into his ear. You must have imagined it but it looked like he glanced in your direction. But before you could think about it, Taehyung headed in the same direction he had previously come from, and Jungkook slowly made his way over, not meeting your eyes once.

“What were you arguing about?” Jimin asked when Jungkook stood in front of you, and you watched him grip the strap of his backpack, the skin over his knuckles stretching thin.

“Jimin!” Jisoo hissed, punching him. 

“Ow!”

“Right, yeah, of course, you’d ask,” he smiled. “It’s fine.”

Jungkook said it with a laugh, but it was all wrong. 

“We weren’t arguing.” 

And as if it wasn’t enough, Jungkook put on his brightest and biggest smile. He showed it to everyone. Like a stone plunged into the deep sea, your heart sank. You had seen it before, that smile. It had decorated his lips during the Halloween party when you first walked in, or when you had first hurt his feelings while you had gone costume shopping. 

Namjoon and you looked at each other shortly, both of you sensing it. 

“Is everything-”

“Well, it looked like you were,” Jimin mumbled, accidentally interrupting Namjoon. He waited for Jungkook to budge and cave under his gaze, but when he wouldn’t, he shrugged. “Come sit.”

Maybe he could feel your burning gaze on him, but Jungkook finally glanced in your direction. If only for a second, so very brief. But it dug into your heart and split it open, gutted you and left you utterly empty. You had seen him just yesterday, picked out your dress together, parted ways this morning a few hours ago, and now he seemed like another person. He looked so sad, sad in a way you hadn’t seen before. You didn’t think that any emotion close to that had ever crossed his features, not in your presence at least. It was so new and surprising to you—because somehow in your mind, you had forgotten he had the ability to feel… upset—you froze.

“I’m sorry, I have to go,” Jungkook said, nailing that same smile back onto his lips as before. “But I’ll see you guys around.”

And before any of you could protest, he was gone, back turned to your table and heading into the crowd. 

“Well, that was… weird,” Chaeyoung said, pointing out the elephant in the room. And as if she had said your name, everyone turned to you for some kind of answer.

You blinked back at them. “Yeah, I-I don’t know.”

There was another beat of silence before ultimately your friends shrugged.

“Maybe it’s just not a good day?” Hoseok proposed, and they were all quick to agree, moving on. And though you didn’t voice it, you knew it wasn’t that. It couldn’t just be that. 

You knew it was about you. It had to be.

find it here

[inchidentally]

Sorry new landoscar fan here, I kept seeing the notion that Oscar was Lando’s fan for years, but I can’t seem to find any info about that?

ofc babe ! I store a lot of it in this tag but I think a little roundup post is probably due - heads up this is not in chrono order bc a lot of it is referenced from recent content:

2015 and Oscar making the big move to the UK to join Ricky Flynn and his fanboying of Lando begins

tiktok compilation of Oscar revealing his chronic Lando content consumption well before they were teammates

compilation from twitter of Oscar's decided bias toward not only liking Lando content but also searching his tag and finding posts that sometimes had barely a few likes (and this was just going back to 2017)

Oscar knowing when Lando's maiden podium was (and Lando calling him a nerd)

the 2020 hornet tweets because Oscar watched the stream of Lando battling 2 hornets in his house x x

2021 Oscar citing Lando's social media inspiring him to use humor as a way to open up to the public more (added landoscar angst here bc the hate and abuse he received after alpinegate seriously made him clam up and between that and him being fairly in awe of Lando, meant that Lando himself didn't rly get to know Oscar's humor until fairly late 2023 - like, no one should underestimate how Oscar entered F1 properly and got to know one of his favorite drivers all while being universally despised and painted as a villain/cold/evil - how much could have been different if one team had simply kept their mouths shut until verifying that tweet first esp when Oscar was already a shared reserve driver w McLaren anyway !!!!)

the beloved Oscar and Max F at Renault Academy lore

this post I made is a mess but the anecdotes he can only know from Lando's or Max's streams streams or Quadrant videos: Lando making stickers and selling them at school; Lando's snoring lore could be because of the thin shared walls but also Max has def brought it up before; he definitely already knew the story of Lando falling from a window trying to break into his own house; and the fact that we got Max reacting to Oscar referencing Max's outrage at Lando forgetting his birthday

it's a bit too scattered to compile but trust and believe Oscar has been a carlando girlie from day one - def the bromance but idk I feel like he's read a fic or twenty

watching Lando's career when asked about his idols coming up

and backing that up, him in 2019 saying the same thing

pulling out the it's Friday theeeen Lando meme

being so addicted to Lando content by 2020 that he actually fanboyed about the LN4 admin interacting w him

and ofc K's beloved Oscar primer has a lot of context about all of this more fleshed out!

I think that's everything but if anyone notices I've forgotten anything lmk !!

[papercorgiworld]

Hi lovely! I wanted to see if you'd take requests for James Potter 🤭 I'm not entirely sure if you do yet so I shall wait for your response 😊 I hope you have or have had a great day 💓

Darling, James Potter is the one who dragged me down to the world of Tumblr back in the day... He's like my origin story. So yes, I do take requests for James, but it might take a decade. And since you had to wait for like an eternity to get a response I offer you a light reading snack as an apology. Happy readings! Have a lovely day!

“I dare you to steal his clothes”

This will forever be one of my favourite scenarios to write and I planned on writing the marauders right after the slytherin boys but never got to it until now. I proudly present you the James Potter version.

A little game of truth or dare escalates when Lilly dares you to steal James’ clothes. 

As requested I wrote a part two: It was no mistake

Warning: smut

Find the slytherin boys version here.

You were sitting in the Gryffindor common room. It was late and the party was dying down but your friends refused to go to their dorms.

“Truth or dare?” Lily asks as she tries to focus on you but she’s clearly too drunk to manage that. 

“Dare.”

Lily tries to get her brain to come up with a good dare, something fun. It is then that she sees a certain marauder holding a towel and heading for the bathroom. 

“I dare you to steal James’ clothes!” Lily’s voice is filled with excitement and her eyes sparkle with mischief. 

Your eyes widen. You had had a crush on James since the start of the year. Though he still acted like a child most of the time you suddenly saw something very mature and attractive in him. Yet you decide against making a move after all it was James Potter and you were just a friend of Lily’s. 

“I can’t.” You immediately argue and Lily wiggles her eyebrows. “Are you refusing a dare?”

… And that’s how you ended up here, slowly pushing open the door to the boys bathroom. You were relieved to find that the bathroom was empty aside from James under the shower, happily humming a gryffindor victory song. 

Quiet as a mouse you sneak in and close the door, crouching down to make sure that if James would turn around he wouldn’t notice you. You scan the room for his clothes to find his shirt hanging on a statue, his socks left and right of the room and pants together with the rest hanging on a chair. You sigh and tiptoe from one piece of clothing to another.

James’ tie falls when you reach for one of his socks and you curse under your breath as you struggle to hold all his clothes. 

“What the-” You jump when you hear James and look up to meet his eyes. “Oh hi.” You blur out and he smiles, but also looks at you questioningly. “What are you doing?” You laugh nervously and are about to explain that Lily dared you to steal his clothes when your eyes fall down. You’re at a loss for words as you fail to pull your gaze away from his member. 

For a moment James is embarrassed, but his cocky side takes over pretty quickly. “Want to join me in the shower. I could wash you head to toe.” It takes a second for you to process his words, but when you finally look away from his size you notice his smug smile and cheeky eyes focused on you. It’s then that you remember your mission and realise that you should absolutely not be in the situation.

Still not able to properly communicate due to the shock your flight response kicks in. You quickly pick up his tie and sock before running towards the statue where James’ shirt is hanging. “Oh. No! Not happening!” James yells when he realises why you were here. Without thinking the situation through a naked James runs after you to keep you from stealing his shirt and running out with all his clothes. 

You manage to grab his shirt but lose his pants in the process when you try to go back and reach for it James catches you. You feel your shirt dampen as he presses you against his still wet chest. “Hah. Gotcha. What are you gonna do now?” James mocks and in a split second your brain decides that the best tactic is one of surprise.

James feels your soft lips on his and instinctively relaxes, kissing you back gently, but as he does so he also releases his grip on you allowing you to run again. “Really!” James complains, but he quickly moves when he notices you’re heading for the door. 

Two arms wrap around you tightly and you stumble. You both struggle and fight for his clothes, making you both fall on top of one another. 

Just at that exact moment the door swings open. 

You proudly raise your hand holding James’ tie. “I got his tie that has to count.” Lily smirks at your happy face and obliviousness to the position you were in. “I like a girl that’s dedicated.” Marlene raises her eyebrows smugly at Lily’s words as she scans the scene. You, perfectly seated on James’ middle, conveniently covering up all things interesting about James Potter. James looks at you with heart eyes as his tie hangs on your finger. Merlin, you looked adorable. So proud of your achievement. “Who doesn’t like a girl that’s dedicated to a dare.” James’ rather arrogant tone has you looking at him and you instantly feel your body heat up now that you’ve finally realised how this must look, you on top of him. Your first reaction is to move away from James to put some distance between you two, but James is quick to grab your hips and keep you seated on him as a measure to keep his manhood covered. Marlene and Lily snort at James who had a little hard attack at almost being exposed. As proud as he was of himself he did not need all of Hogwarts discussing his size because of two gossip girls.

“If you two could excuse us, we’re in the middle of something.” James finally says gesturing at the awkward position you and James were in. “We can see that.” Giggling, your two friends leave the bathroom and now you’re suddenly unable to make eye contact with James. When you try to lift your hips off of him James tightens his grip. “Where do you think you’re going?” James asks suggestively. Your cheeks are burning and it takes a lot of effort to keep your wit. “I managed my dare so there’s really, definitely, nothing interesting for me here.” James nods, but his smirk tells you that he isn’t buying it. “You’re overselling it.” He pushes himself up a bit more so his chest almost meets yours. He gently cups your cheek, but you still refuse to meet his eyes, so he playfully bucks his hips upwards. You place a hand on his chest to keep yourself from falling into him as a soft yelp escapes you and James loves that sound in more than one way as well as your touch on his chest. With your lips still slightly parted James sees an opportunity to bring his lips to yours. Never had you experienced a kiss so passionate and yet so sweet. James was a damn good kisser and you couldn’t resist any longer. 

Your hands landed on his shoulders for support as the kiss got more intense. Hungry breathy sounds escape James and have you softly moan against his lips. James’ hands find their way under your shirt, but he’s quick to ask for more, gently moving to the buttons. “James…” You try to protest but the way he tenderly sucks on your neck before leaving featherlight kisses has you falling silent. “I dare you…” he pushes your shirt aside to trace kisses from your shoulder to your chest. “to trust me…” he tears a few buttons to finally fully get rid of your shirt. “ and let me…” he grabs a handful of your still covered boob, before quickly pulling you close and rolling so you’re now underneath him. “fuck you all night long.” 

Word count: 1292

[kryannoy]

Can we see Andrew with Reader raising their own children?

genre: fluff, sfw

character: husband!andrew graves x reader

a/n: sorry for taking a bit too long, i didn't notice the ask TT i'm sorry!

First of all, I can totally see he'd be a girl dad.

The first time he ever held his firstborn, he fell in love. Her skin was so soft and smooth, she weighs like a feather yet heavy enough to know she's a healthy baby. Her eyes still shut from the world but her mouth was open slightly, snoring peacefully. He was so scared to hold her yet so excited.

Sometimes he thinks he's not worthy of holding such a pure soul in his filthy and dirty hands, but you were there to reassure him that she was his child too.

He didn't know how to hold a baby properly so he had to sit next to you on the bed as you show him the ropes. He was tense and stiff when he had his daughter in his arms.

But those eyes . . . his eyes showed pure and spiritual love. His eyes never left the baby. And the smile, oh, how happy he was to finally have a proper family with you. To start anew.

Andrew loves to take over for you when you need a nice shower, or when you're cooking meals. He'll be willing to make sure the toddler doesn't cry nor upset when mommy isn't around.

Bedtime with daddy is somehow the best time. Why? Because he'll read her to sleep or even make up a story. Sometimes, he'll make an immersive storytelling by acting it out. And those times, you hear laughter in the kid's room rather than silence.

On a tiring day of work for Andrew, your daughter wants to surprise him by wearing a cute sparkly dress, crown, cape, wand and makeup. Of course you did just that and brought her downstairs to meet with daddy slouching in the living room.

His green eyes light up and his face brightens once again. He'll compliment the little one, take her hand and twirl her around. He wants nothing more than his precious daughter to be treated this way by a man when she grows up, to let her know this is how she should be treated.

The sight of your beloved man holding your daughter's hand makes you wonder a little, what happens when he sees his daughter in a prom dress? Or a wedding gown? Would he tear up? What kind of expression would he make?

But all he knows is he wants to be the kind of father who would be there for his kids.

[hiddenzev]

Second Confession: Final Part

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Something happened to reader, causing Joel to take care of her. A happily ever after.

Chapter Warnings - Fluff, Idiots in Love, (let me know if i missed anything)

WC: 13.3K

series masterlist, AO3

A/N: The hardest chapter for me to write yall that's why it took me longer to write. It could be better but I hope you guys love the closure. Thank you for taking the time to read this story!!

Breathing in the crisp and refreshing morning air, leaving fresh hoof prints in the snow that has piled up over the night, you’re out for the supply run with Joel this morning. It had started snowing a few days after that night at the bar like you guessed. With one horse each, both of you are riding along the trees in the woods in silence.

Ever since the outburst of emotions between you and him, he has been keeping true to the words of giving you as much time and space as you need before coming around to him again and he took it way too seriously. You never see him in the library after that or the town hall or anywhere else. As a matter of fact, it’s like he has disappeared from the face of this earth. He is avoiding you as much as possible.

You use that time to comprehend everything that happened during that exchange and properly consider the actions that you should take after that. The apology from him was unexpected and it caught you off guard. Time and time again, you would see the big brown puppy eyes that were gazing into yours, begging you for forgiveness, in your head throughout the whole day. The sincerity that you see from the desperation in his eyes, the trembling of his strained voice, moist lush lips from his constant nervous licking to the soft touch of his fingers on yours. You have never seen this side of him up close before and it shook your determination to not let him get to you again.

During those days that you didn’t see him, it felt kind of empty. It’s the first time he was out of your sight for more than a day and you get the feeling of ambivalence. On one side, you get to think more clearly without him affecting you in a physical way but on the other hand, you miss him a little bit. The constant consumption of his presence vanished and it bombarded you with the longing to see him even if it is just for a second.

He definitely needs to show more through his actions if he wants to be forgiven. You’re not going to let him off the hook easily just by him apologising like he did that night. Like he said, he should do whatever it takes to make it all up to you. At the same time, you want to be a better person and not treat him like shit at least. To give him the chance to prove himself that he do want your forgiveness.

The silence of the supply run is suffocating but you don’t mind it as you make up for the time that you were not able to see him by staring at him from the back as long as you can. As much as he frustrates you, you will never get bored of looking at him. As if he could sense that you were staring at him, he glances back to say that you both are nearing the first checkpoint to take a break. By this time during your usual patrols, the both of you would have already start to make your way back to Jackson. This is going to be way more taxing but you know you got to push through it.

Surrounded by some bushes and trees, you and Joel are sitting facing each other, resting. You packed enough food for at least 2 days, packing as light as possible for the travels and supplies. You’re munching on the last few bites of your sandwich when Joel hands a small cup of his coffee to you. You raise your eyebrows at him, not expecting him to share any of his beloved coffee with you. He points with his chin, telling you to drink it.

“Thank you.”

You hand him the cup back after finishing the coffee within a couple of gulps. You didn’t bring any coffee with you unlike Joel who is definitely a caffeine addict. Coffee is a scarce resource so to have him sharing it with you is definitely surprising when he doesn’t even want to share it with Tommy.

“I think we should pick up the pace if we want to reach there before it gets dark,” he says while looking out at the sky.

“Okay. Let’s move on now.”

You stand up and brush off the food crumbs and dirt on your pants. You move to your horse and make sure everything is alright before getting on it. Joel’s eyes follow your every movement and slowly make his way to his horse.

“Cmon Miller, we’ve got no time. Pick up the pace.” you jokingly nag at him as you watch him strap his stuffs back on the horse.

The goofiness in you just want to poke some fun at him since the whole trip from the start has been a boring nightmare. Raw dogging the whole ride on a horse with a quiet and stoic man like your partner is actually brutal to your sanity right now.

He looks back at you, annoyed. You want to let out a laugh so bad but you keep it in. Instead, a small smirk creeps out of your mouth as you look down at him. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of your smile, you turn your head to the side to hide it. Joel glares at you but his eyes soften when he catches that smirk of yours that you are trying to hide from him. He almost smile but straighten himself out and gets on the horse.

Both of you make your way to the designated spot to search for supplies in a faster speed than before. Eventually, you and Joel arrive there a couple hours before the sun goes down. From a distance, you can see there is a couple of cabin houses. Joel slows down and you follow suit, sensing that you should be cautious and ready if anything is going to happen. You scan the surrounding areas with sharp eyes, not wanting to miss something weird going on.

Joel leads you to a nearby tree to the nearest house, tying the horses to it. With rifles already gripped, both of you look at each other to discuss the plan.

Joel steps closer to you, eyes unwavering, whispering the plan, “We’ll check the houses one by one first. You stay close behind me and check our six. You see something, you let me know,” you nod, staring into his eyes, “If there’s no one, we’ll discuss more after. Ready? Stay sharp.”

“Stay sharp.” You echo his words and with determined glint in yours and Joel’s eyes, both of you start walking slowly to the nearest house first.

Joel is moving forward while you are checking the six, moving backwards towards Joel. You scan slowly if there’s anything or anyone hiding behind the trees. There’s no boot prints or any animal prints in sight except yours and Joel’s as you move. Reaching the first house, Joel opens the door easily as it wasn’t locked. Everything seems intact in their respective places, dusts everywhere meaning there wasn’t anyone that came around recently. But still, both of you are careful in exploring the place.

Joel and you check out the other houses as well and as you thought, this whole area hasn’t been infiltrated by anybody else for quite some time. There is an empty shed right beside the first cabin which Joel uses to shelter the horses for the night. After ransacking the houses, the both of you move the supplies found to the same shed and pack the things properly for the ride back to Jackson tomorrow.

The sun is setting once both of you are done with it and Joel is getting ready to warm the place up using the fireplace in the house. There’s only one couch that is big enough for one person to lie down on. Other than that, there are only a couple of wooden chairs around. You push the couch nearer to the fireplace and sits down on one side of it, watching Joel lit the fireplace up.

After making sure the fire is burning okay on its own, Joel moves back to the other end of the couch. You can hear his knees cracking as he sits, sighing heavily as his head reach the back of the couch. He closes his eyes as he listens to the cracking of the fire. You turn to look at him resting, taking in everything that you can to memory. His chest moving up and down slowly as he breathes. Noticing his beard and hair thicker and longer than it was a couple weeks before.

“I can feel you staring at me.” he speaks, breaking the silence in the cabin.

You look away to gaze at the fire as if you were not just staring at him.

“I wasn’t,” you deny.

“Yeah right.” He opens his eyes slightly to look at you while you tried to maintain your lie by focusing on the fire.

It is getting awkward again so you take out the food that you stored in your bag to eat for your dinner. Distracting yourself with food, Joel does the same thing, taking out a small packet of salad to eat. You notice that he was only eating greens which makes you wonder how the hell is he getting the strength without any protein in his food. The meat lover in you wouldn’t survive with just greens but hey, beggars can’t be choosers, you get it.

“Just salad?” You subconsciously frown as you ask him.

He snaps his head to you, surprised that you are making conversation with him, “No. I was short on protein. Only had the jerky which I stupidly left in my kitchen.” He looks forlorn like a kid being sad about the candy that dropped on the floor.

You hand him one of your leftover sandwiches that you have. You don’t mind giving him one because you made a bunch of sandwiches which is more than enough for you alone. He shakes his head refusing to take it.

“It’s fine. It’s your portion for tomorrow.” He refuses while picking at his salad.

“Nah, I’m good. I have more than enough.” You reassure him, not taking a no for an answer.

He takes the sandwich with hesitation, thanking you and takes a small bite out of it. You finish yours while glancing at him from time to time, making sure he is finishing his meal. He tries to hand you his coffee after the dinner but you refuse it this time because you needed to sleep soon. Both of you are slumping against the couch, legs stretched out, falling into the comfort of the night. You are in a daze as you stay still, fire gazing, before he speaks again.

“I read your letter.” He murmurs in a soft voice.

You keep quiet thinking about the letter that you wrote. You can vaguely remember word for word but you definitely know the highlights of it. Your face burns from the embarrassment again.

“I didn’t know how deep your feelings were before reading it. I’m sorry again for being a dick.”

You look down on your hands, not knowing where to look and what to say.

“I love the horse piece by the way. It’s beautiful. You should try to carve more often.” His eyes focuses on you when you turn your head to him.

His eyes twinkles with the reflection of the fire in front of the both of you.

“I thought you must have thrown it away after seeing your reaction that night,” Looking away from him, reminiscing what happened.

“I didn’t,” he shakes his head, feeling disappointed in himself for reacting badly.

The silence grow stronger as he is wallowing in sorrow of that night.

“How about the, uh, guitar pick?” In a quiet voice you ask.

He huffs softly thinking about it, “It’s so corny.” A small curl at the end of his mouth appears as he talks about it, his eyes everywhere else but you. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling shy from talking about it or maybe it’s just you that is affecting him.

“Ellie saw it one time and kept pestering me about why I didn’t tell her that I found it.” He shakes his head, almost smiling, remembering how annoying Ellie was with the bad jokes.

“So you didn’t tell her how?” you’re full on looking at him now, intrigue with this openness from him.

“I didn’t,” he shakes his head and glance at you with an unreadable gaze, “want it to be my own little secret for a bit.”

You blink a couple times at him, flustered by his reply. Meanwhile, his eyes are gazing into yours without a blink. You clear your throat, adjusting your position a little trying to be nonchalant about it.

“Did you tell her about the gifts? Because she’s been on my ass about it recently.” He continues the conversation.

“Yeah. Knew she’s gonna kick your ass about it. Can’t say you didn’t deserve it though…” you shrug your shoulders, giving him an awkward look.

“I still do deserve it.” He sits up and lean forward to rest his elbows on his thighs.

“I want to let you know that I am sincere with everything that I said that night. I’m terrible with this…feelings stuff but,” he pauses to look at you, “I will do my best to regain your affection.” He says in a firm and soothing tone.

Hearing his determination to redeem himself outright to you, it makes you speechless. You just have to see through his actions as time goes by. He breaks the eye contact and stands up to pick up his rifle.

“I’ll take the first shift. Get some sleep.” He takes a couple seconds to look at you, making sure you’re okay before making his way out of the door to check if there’s anything dangerous outside.

You proceed to lie down on the sofa, resting your head on the arm rest as you face the ceiling. Too tired to think of the conversation with Joel a couple of minutes ago, you fall into a deep slumber almost straight away.

Your eyes blink open to a brighter surrounding. The sun is starting to rise and you can hear the chirps of the birds in a distance. In a daze, you look around wondering why Joel didn’t wake you up. You notice he is sitting on the floor, leaning his side against the front of the couch seat. His head is resting sideways on the seat, facing you and almost touching your hip. His face is calm without his usual frown and you can hear his soft snoring as you stay still. His body probably going to ache so bad after this.

Your hands are twitching, wanting to caress his head but you hold back that thought, clenching your fists. You can only take this time to take in his features as he sleeps, wishing things were simpler but you get up from the sofa silently after watching him for awhile before you make any stupid decisions.

He must be in a deep sleep because he does not even move even after the rustling that you made on the sofa. You grab your rifle and get out of the cabin to check on the horses and be on watch before it’s time for you to wake Joel up. The cold air that suddenly hit you as you step out, gave you the shivers so you adjust your jacket right away, zipping it all the way up to keep yourself warm. Gripping the rifle tight, you keep your guard up as you look around for potential threats.

You didn’t find anything amiss as you make your way to the shed so once you are nearby, you sling your rifle back on your shoulders to open the shed door. The horses greet you with a few nickers as soon as they notice you coming in.You smile while giving them a couple of firm pats on their shoulders, rubbing their sides and even nuzzle your face against the neck of your horse, finding some comfort in it. Then, you make sure once again that everything is settled and ready to go.

You sit down at the corner of the shed, somewhere near the door that you left slightly ajar. Still reeling in the relaxation of the morning, you observe the horses across the other side of the shed. Once you realise that you should get back to Joel, you hear a strange noise not too far away, With no time wasted, you move cautiously to the door, hands gripping the rifle as your heartbeat starts to rise.

There isn’t much that you could see as you take a peep through the space left open by the door. You squint your eyes to see a few figures through the soft fluttering snow so you bring the rifle up and point towards them. You place your cheek by the stock of the rifle and look through the scope to have a clearer view. This time, there are shivers running down your spine, not from the cold but from what you see.

Your eyes widen as you take in the clickers approaching the cabin house. You should have guessed it from their erratic movements. There are three of them that you can count in your sight. Your mind is running in full speed, thinking the possibilities that you can take from this point onwards. Joel is probably in the house, still deep in sleep and they are coming in hot.

Without much thought, you take a few controlled breaths before shooting at one of them. Headshot, it falls to the ground, dead. The other two changes their direction towards the shed and started to pick up the speed, sprinting. The horses behind you are grunting noisily, restless after hearing the gunshot but that didn’t distract you from hitting the targets that are coming. The remaining two clickers finally went down after taking a couple of shots to their bodies and heads.

“Fuckin’ hell” you whisper under your breath as you look back at the horses, checking if they are okay.

You continue to take a few deep breaths before opening the door and steps out of the shed carefully to go back to Joel. As soon as you do that, you hear snarling coming from your right and you turn to see another group of clickers, only a few metres away, heading towards you.

“Oh shit!” You exclaim before making a run in the opposite direction, towards the woods.

You turn back a few times to take a few shots at the clickers, successfully getting two of them. There are five more on your heels, still charging towards you.

“JOOOEEELLLL!” You shout for him as loud as you can, multiple times, as you try to keep the distance and kill the clickers.

Luring them towards you, you can only hope Joel wakes up to get them from behind.

“Cmon Joel,” you beg to no one but yourself, “wake up!” You scream helplessly.

As if Joel could telepathically read your mind, you spot him over the shoulders of the clickers, coming out of the house frantically. Then, you hear a few gunshots which brings you a slight relief that he is awake finally.

Now that he is up, you plan to get back to him but you have to make it past the remaining two clickers that are still alive. You need to reload the rifle but with their arms flailing, trying to claw at you, you are not able to do it. In a haste, you duck down to get the knife that you had strapped in your boot. Popping the blade out, you stab one in the head, twisting the knife before pulling it out in one swift motion. One more kill.

Joel is making his way to where you are at while shooting the ones that are coming for him. In a blink, the two clickers drop dead at his feet as his running speed starts to increase towards you, worried. He sees you stabbing one of them in the head before dodging the arm of the other one that tries to attack you.

You avoid all of the aggressive flailing of its arms and move around it to run towards Joel. You take a couple steps but you didn’t notice the large roots of the surrounding trees which are covered in snow, resulting in you tripping and falling head first onto a rock. This causes Joel to scream your name in a bellowing voice, his stomach drops, seeing the scene that is unfolding in front of his eyes.

You tried to move but the overwhelming pounding in your head from the fall makes you freeze. With your head down on the ground, you slowly bring your hands up to clutch your head in pain. You can faintly hear the clicking behind you as you are lying on your stomach. You close your eyes shut, with a pained hiss as you think that this is the last moment of your life before getting bit. However, as you lay there helplessly, you didn’t feel any biting but only the throbbing at the side of your head.

Suddenly, you feel a pair of strong hands grabbing your arms, which causes you to flinch. Joel flips you around slowly, resting your head on one of his thighs as you look up at him. He looks down at you with wide eyes that are examining your face quickly and mouth slightly ajar as he takes long, dragged breaths. He moves your hair away from your face and checks out the cut from the fall with the touch of a feather. You feel warm liquid trickling down your head as his finger accidentally grazes the pained area which makes you scrunch your face and whimpers.

“I know, I know. You’re going to be okay.” He says in a reassuring voice.

In your head, you want to say something sarcastic like, ‘Took you long enough’ but all that comes out from your mouth is just unintelligible mumbling because of the concussion which takes the articulation out of you.

“Can you move?” He asks with a raspy voice, eyes boring into yours.

You nod slightly with a weak voice, “Yeah.”

The both of you get up slowly with one of his hands holding your arm and the other, around your waist. You pause after standing up, taking a moment before moving to stabilise yourself. Your vision is kind of blurry but you push through the dizziness while still holding onto Joel. You can see your bright red blood in contrast to the shallow white snow on the ground. With him by your side, not letting go of your waist, you stagger back to the shed, passing by all the dead bodies of clickers.

You reach the shed without much complications with the help of Joel. He sits you down on the stool that you were sitting at not too long ago before the disaster that you were in. The headache is still prominent but you don’t want to be a burden and prolong the journey back to Jackson. Not only that, you start to feel some parts of your body aching from the fall as your adrenaline level starts to reduce. You are sure there are going to be some bruises and wounds on your body from the impact of the fall but you are more worried about your bleeding head.

Meanwhile, Joel rushes out of the shed to check the house again if there’s anything that has been left behind. He comes storming back to the shed glancing at you to see how you are keeping up. You are taking deep breaths to try and ease the pain but it doesn’t really help you. He goes straight to his bag to grab some stuffs out of it and comes kneeling in front of you, eyes levelling with yours. The whole time your face is scowling from the throbbing pain, it’s difficult for you to keep your eyes open.

He pours some water on a small towel to clean the blood that is smearing the side of your face, down to your chin. You open your eyes slightly, taking in the way his forehead creases, eyebrows knitted and eyes unblinking as he cleans your face gently. However, you don’t have the luxury of time to be lost in him when the ache keeps on increasing. He takes your hand and gives you a small cloth, telling you to keep pressing it on the open cut to slow down the bleeding. You hesitantly do so, sucking in a breath due to the stinging from the contact. He wraps your head with a long shredded piece of cloth to help it stay intact.

“Eyes on me.” You hear him say once he finishes with it.

You look straight at him, biting your lip.

“I’m going to get you on the horse, okay? We’re going back to Jackson right now as fast as we can.” He explains to you in a low, steady voice, grounding you.

“Okay.” You whisper in a strained voice.

He leans in closer to cup your face with his gloved hands that warms your cheek, “You’re going to be okay. I got you so just hold on for a bit longer.”

HIs eyes darting between the both of your eyes for a few seconds before getting up to get everything set and ready to go. Once everything is ready, he move the horses outside. You follow suit with staggering steps as you approach him. He gets a hold of you the moment he notices you walking up to him without his help. Somehow, he manage to get you up on the horse and he is seated closely right behind you. His arms surround you as he holds on to the reins while his thighs cage your legs. The warmth emitting from the closeness of his body engulfs you all of a sudden as he nudges the horse to move.

About 30 minutes of riding, you start to feel way more dizzy. The continuous motion of riding mixed with the blinding daylight is causing you to feel lightheaded and nauseous. You cannot help but to lean back on Joel’s chest, resting your head on one of his shoulders, as you grimace in all of the sickening symptoms you are facing. Your hands reach out to grab whatever parts of him that you can, his thighs and his arms, clenching it tightly. Nails that are covered by your gloves can still be felt digging into his clothes.

“I know, baby, I know.” You feel his warm breath at the top of your head, not even registering him calling you baby as you wince, eyes keeping shut.

“Cmon, stay with me.” He murmurs with a wobbly voice in anxiety, seeing you in excruciating pain.

Your hearing is already reduced and whatever Joel says sounds muffled to you. All you can hear is the rapid heartbeat of yours. Within seconds, you lose consciousness and your body goes limp. Joel uses his arms to keep you steady while still holding on to the reins. He calls out your name louder for a few more times but you did not respond, causing him to slow down to check your pulse. He removes his glove to touch your neck and he feels the coldness of your body against his hand. After making sure that you are still breathing, he picks up the speed, arms circling your waist as his front sticks to your back like glue to share his body warmth with yours.

Throughout the journey back, you are in and out of consciousness from the overwhelming pain and the blood loss. Joel had stop multiple times to give you a few drops of water so that you would not be dehydrated. It is all a blur to you and you just wish to be back in Jackson already.

“TOMMY!” Joel’s yelling makes everyone in the nearby vicinity turn their heads. He shouts for Tommy as soon as the gates open.

Tommy, Maria and a few others patrollers are waiting by the gates as they were starting to get worried, not seeing any glimpse of you and Joel a few hours ago and now, it’s already getting dark. When the gates open, they rush to Joel to help you off the horse. Eddie, your previous patrol partner before Joel, carries you to the infirmary with Maria beside him. Joel gets off the horse, letting the other people to take over the horses and supplies and hurries to follow where you are brought to.

“What happened?” Tommy asks while running back towards Eddie with Joel.

“We were attacked by some clickers back at the cabin house.” Joel answers with eyes fixed on your form being carried by Eddie.

“Did she get bit?”

“I don’t think so,” Joel blinks, eyebrows furrowed.

“You didn’t check?” Tommy asks with a louder voice than before.

Joel didn’t respond, his jaws clenched. He knows he should have checked whether you got bit but he wasn’t thinking clearly. Getting you somewhere safe was his only priority at that time.

“Joel-“

“I didn’t check.” He stops outside of the infirmary doors and turns to Tommy, glaring with fiery eyes.

“She was bleeding out from the head, Tommy, and I can only think of bringing her back here safely.” Joel argues, already stressed about you and now his brother is trying to lecture him about his mistake.

He goes in, pushing the doors aggressively, leaving Tommy to chase after him. He approaches your bed which are already crowded with the only doctor and a couple of nurses on duty in Jackson, checking your condition. He joins Maria and Eddie that are waiting a few steps away from the foot of the bed. Joel cannot keep his eyes away from you. His heart is still racing from the adrenaline rush. You are still unconscious and the blood is trickling down from your head as the doctor loosens the stained alternative bandage to check the open wound to mend it later on. The nurses continue to check the other parts of your body for other wounds or bite marks, just in case. To check, they have to undress you and that is when Maria guides the group of them watching, to wait outside at the waiting area.

Eddie has to go off to check on the horses and the supplies that were brought back, telling Maria to update him on your status. Maria and Tommy thank him for his help while Joel gives him a silent nod. His arms folded while he leans on one foot to the other, pacing back and forth from time to time, staring at the door to the ward room. He looks back on what happened back at the cabin house and he thinks the state that you are in right now is somehow his fault. He shouldn’t have fallen asleep and let you fight the clickers by yourself. He should have protected you from this situation. He runs his fingers through his hair, scratching his head as he feels guilty.

Tommy and Maria doesn’t say a word, seeing Joel already agitated from you being injured. The three of them wait in silence before the doctor comes out to let them know how you are holding up.

“Her heartbeat is stable now. I’ve already stitched the open wound on her head to stop the bleeding. She must have taken a hard impact of a fall seeing the bruises on the left side of her body, especially the shoulder and the arm. Luckily, there isn’t any broken bone or bite marks. For now, we’ll keep on looking after her and wait til she wakes up.” The doctor informs the three of them.

Joel rubs his face as he releases a sigh of relief knowing that you’re okay now. Maria and Tommy hold hands, comforting each other, relieved as well.

“Can I see her now?” Joel in a rush to get back to you after hearing everything from the doctor.

“Of course,” The doctor gives Joel a tight smile.

Joel goes back in to the room after murmuring his thanks to the doctor, not looking back.

“Thank you, Remy, as always.” Maria shakes Remy’s hands before walking hand in hand with Tommy to the ward room.

Joel pulls a chair close to your bed and sits on it, eyes fixed on you. The nurses has already changed you out of your clothes to a more comfortable patient gown. Your stitches is covered with a pad to keep it dry. He notices the red bruises on your shoulders that is peeking out of the gown and there are also a few scrapes on your arms like the doctor had said. He can feel his heart breaks a little, looking at your injuries. He raises his hand to swipe at your cheek gently, feeling your soft skin. He sees your eyes flutter slightly from the touch but still not opening awake.

Tommy clears his throat causing Joel to freeze from what he was doing. He glances back at Tommy and Maria who is observing him and clasps his hands together between his thighs. Shying away from the looks of them, Joel keeps his eyes on your face.

“We’re glad the both of you are okay.” Maria speaks to Joel.

Joel as usual, doesn’t speak but gives a slight nod to what Maria said.

“She’ll be fine Joel. Don’t stress yourself out more than necessary.” Tommy tries to comfort his brother who is clearly defeated from the hours of travelling and tending to your unconscious body.

Tommy and Maria stays there for a while more before leaving to let Joel be alone with you.

“Do you want me to bring you dinner?” Tommy asks him.

“I’m good,” Joel shakes his head, not having the appetite to eat.

“Alright. Do you want me to tell Ellie that you’re here?”

Joel looks up at Tommy, momentarily realises that he was not thinking about Ellie at all,  “Let her know that we're fine. I don’t want her to stay up waiting for me, I’ll see her in the morning.” Tommy places his hand on Joel’s shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze and heads out with Maria, leaving Joel alone, keeping his eyes on you.

The following morning, Joel is dozing off in his seat beside you, heads nodding awake time and time again. He clearly needs a proper sleep but he is fighting it off, wanting to be by your side when you wake up. With half-lidded eyes, he looks at you who is still in the same position as yesterday night. Throughout the night, he has pull his chair even closer to you. Holding your hand which seems to fit right with his, caressing your head when he hears your little whimpers, softly running his hands through your hair. He wants to keep doing that but it will be even better when you’re not lying sick in bed and is actually awake.

He stands up carefully to go home and freshen up before coming back to look after you. He also have to explain to Ellie about what had happened so she wouldn’t be worried. He gives you a last long look, eyes sunken deeply in sadness before turning around to leave while the nurses give morning greetings to him as he goes.

Not long after, your eyes slowly opens to an unfamiliar ceiling. You can feel a slight ache on your head, not remembering what happened when it suddenly hits you. The memory of the supply run, the clickers and the way you fell resulting in you being out of consciousness. Then, a face comes to your mind. Joel. Joel! Where is he? Where is this place?

You hear footsteps coming towards you. You try to get up from the bed but your body is too weak so you give up in doing so. A familiar face comes into view and you realises that she is one of the nurses in Jackson. She looks away from her board to see you looking at her with confusion on you face.

“Oh! You’re awake. Great to see you again.” She smiles at you, coming closer to check how you are doing.

She presses a stethoscope to your chest to listen to your heartbeat while you are still confused on how you are back in Jackson. She continues to check your eyes and your hearing before letting you know about your health state right now.

“Everything is good but you will still feel dizzy and nauseous, don’t worry, it’s normal after an injury like yours. Your muscles will still be weak and your body will ache for awhile. These symptoms can last for a couple days and up to a few weeks, depends on the how serious the injury is. You can be discharged tomorrow but we advise that you have someone to check up on you, in case anything happens.” She explains to you calmly.

You on the other hand, are at loss of words as you listen to her, still disoriented from just waking up a couple of minutes ago.

“I don’t have anyone to ask. I only have myself.” In a soft voice, you uttered defeatedly. You do not want to be another burden to someone else.

“I’m sure Joel Miller doesn’t mind it.” She mention casually, handing you a cup of water to drink. You pause for a moment, blinking at her blankly and takes the cup.

“Joel?” You stammers out his name, not expecting him to be mentioned.

“Yeah. He was here all night. It was so sweet to see the grumpiest man in Jackson caring for someone.” She gives you a pleased smile, “He left shortly before you were awake.”

You glance at the seat by your bed, knowing he was sitting right there for the night. Your heart skips a beat, imagining him looking at you for that whole time. You’re in your own thoughts when the nurse speaks again.

“Rest up for now. Just call for me if you need anything, alright?” She gives you a knowing smile as if she knows that you are thinking of the man that was just here.

“Thank you.” You give her a thin-lipped smile and thank her for the help.

She leaves you alone in the ward with conflicted feelings. It’s so overwhelming having these different feelings all at once. Before, anger was the forefront feeling that derives you away from Joel while still having a small amount of affection for him that you try to ignore. Then, he confused you with his actions and words, tugging your heart a little bit from seeing the change of his heart. Right now, he has saved you from going into the other side and you remember seeing the look of concern etched on his face when you were going through it. You know that he is definitely not faking it, feeling the sincerity from him in the last 24 hours.

Joel is walking back to the infirmary after washing up and having a short breakfast with Ellie. She was devastated to hear what went down during the supply run and told Joel that she is going to visit you after school. She did not say a word to Joel about how distracted he was during the breakfast. She knows it must be you that is affecting his mood and she cannot do anything about it except not taking more of his time and let him go back to the infirmary. To you.

In his hands, he carries a small bag containing a vegetable soup that he quickly cooked for breakfast with Ellie. He walks in and goes straight to the ward but stopping immediately in his tracks. From the open door, he sees that you are awake, smiling so brightly, not because of him but because of the guy that is sitting on the chair beside your bed. The chair that he was sitting on while rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb.

You are holding on to the flowers that Emile gave you. The both of you are laughing about something and his heart clenches hearing your laughter. The last he heard of your voice was when you are whimpering in pain and all that he wishes, then, was to hear your gentle and playful voice again. He lowers his head, the hopeful light in his eyes gone as he turns around feeling crushed. He approaches one of the nurses and passes them the breakfast that he brought for you, telling them to give it to you before leaving the infirmary.

While you are busy catching up with Emile, another nurse comes in to give you a bowl of soup. It smells delicious and you cannot wait to dig in as you are starving from the amount of energy that you lost for the past 24 hours.

“This smells delicious. Thank you.” You cheerily says in exclamation.

“Mr. Miller wants you to have this for breakfast.” The young lady informs you with an innocent look in her eyes.

In shock, your head snaps towards her with wide eyes, “Which Miller?”

“Joel Miller,” she looks at you questioningly.

“He just dropped this off?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

You peer at the open door, seeing no sight of him while you keep staring. You wonder why did he not just come in and give you the soup himself. Is he busy with another duty? Did he see Emile and was not happy? Why would he go out of his way to give you breakfast?

“Anything else that I can do for you?” The nurse asks looking at you, confused with your reaction.

“No. It’s fine. Thank you.” You give a forced smile at her and your eyes drifting to the doorway as she leaves. You cannot help but to look at the doorway, wanting to see Joel but you are still too shy to admit it to yourself.

“What’s wrong?” Emile’s voice snaps you out of your trance from the doorway.

“Nothing.” You mumble and start to eat the soup made by Joel.

Emile squints his eyes, sensing that you are hiding something but he lets it go, seeing you gobbling the soup down in hunger.

The next morning, you are accompanied by Emile on your day of discharge. You told him that you can go back home today and he offered to walk you home. You are struggling because of the body ache that you are having and also the sudden waves of dizziness if you move too fast. It took you a couple of minutes to be walking without holding on to him anymore. Your stubborn ass is resilient to not hold onto him as you continue walking slowly at your own pace. The three minute walk to your house from the infirmary at your usual speed is now delayed to almost 10 minutes including the intervals of you pausing to let the dizziness or pain pass before moving again.

Joel is sitting by his bedroom window that is facing your house. He knows that you are being discharged today from what Ellie had told him after her visit. If Emile hadn’t offered, he would have gone to help you, given his free time after the supply run. He sees you struggling to walk with Emile by your side with a worried look on his face. For a moment, anger fills Joel’s entire body when he sees Emile not helping you at all but he eventually calms down after noticing how you are holding your hand out when Emile comes closer. He scoffs, a small curl on side of his lips as he shakes his head. What is he going to do with that stubborn head of yours? If he could, he would have already picked you up and carried you in the house.

Emile leaves after making sure you are back in your house safely and you reassuring him that you will be fine, not needing anymore of his help. You haven’t got the chance to eat something yet so you move the kitchen to make a small sandwich for breakfast, already tired from moving too much. You slump down on the sofa after eating, immersing yourself in the comfort of your home without any disturbances. You lay there, eyes slowly blinking heavily, letting your body relax and eventually you are deep in sleep.

A few hours later, you hear knocking on your door, partially awaken from the sound but you are still not moving.

Knock, Knock, Knock

It is louder this time. Grumbling as you get up from the couch, body still weak. You shout as loud as you can saying that you are coming to get the door. You take your time to reach the door and opening it to no one on the other side except a small bag on the floor. You look around and you spot the broad back of Joel slipping into his house, closing the door without looking back. You pick the bag up to find out the contents of it and the mix of nutty and savoury smell of warm avocado toast that hits you almost makes you roll your eyes to the back of your head.

You bring it inside to the dining table and devours it, smiling to yourself. Smiling because of how good the toast was or maybe because of the person behind the toast. You want to thank him for saving and taking care of you when you were out of it. The ice in your heart is slowly melting away, recalling the moments of his newfound vulnerability that he allows you to see. The way he talks to you calmly instead of the usual hostility in his tone when he speaks to you previously. You remember the cold piercing eyes that was replaced with round melancholic eyes that captivates when he looks at you. In your heart, you know that he might just hit the nail right on the head soon and earn that forgiveness from you.

It went on like that for the next couple of days. You will open the door to a bag of packed food whether it would be breakfast or lunch or dinner. It is obviously from Joel, 100%, no doubt. He for sure makes a run home once he hears you coming, taking advantage of your slowed down speed. Every time you open the door, you either sees him already going into his house or already halfway back, walking nonchalantly as he takes a couple of glances back at you.

He comes knocking when there is no one visiting you at that time, knowing when you have not eaten your meal yet. You’ve been trying to catch him, reading his pattern and always sneaking looks out of your window to see if he is coming. You’re in luck this afternoon when you caught sight of him taking big strides towards your house, feeling confident that he is going to get away with it as usual. He does not know that the pain in your head had subsided marginally and your body is stronger now from all the time that you took to rest. Quicker than he is, you are standing behind the front door, waiting for him. Quietly giggling to yourself, expecting to see his shocked face. Unbeknownst to him, this has been a game to you while spending time alone in the house.

You hear the scrapes of his heavy boots and the creaking of the floorboards as he goes up the stairs. Your heart is racing so fast that you can hear its pounding in your ears. He is right on the other side of the door. You don’t even know what you’re going to say to him. He stops, pausing for a beat, then raises his hand to knock on the door. As soon as you hear a knock, you turn the handle, opening the door wide.

Joel’s brows shoot as high as possible, eyes widening as he stays still from the unexpected situation. His arm is still in midair, his mouth parted, not knowing what to say. On his other hand, he is holding the bag of meal that he had cooked for you. You look up at him with a playful glint in your eyes, appearing to be innocent but your mouth is twitching, trying not to laugh seeing him flustered.

“Hi.” You greet him, voice croaked from resisting the laughter that is bubbling in your throat.

He is still speechless, eyes blinking rapidly trying to think of an excuse for his appearance. You wait for his answer but clears your throat instead when he doesn’t respond.

“What do you got for me today?” You point at the bag of meal that he is holding awkwardly.

“Uh, nothing special. Here.” He passes the bag over to you and you take it, fingers brushing his in that split second.

“Thank you, Joel.” You thank him with a small smile, locking eyes with him for a few seconds before looking down at your feet. He grunts a reply, scratching the back of his neck as he fidgets, eyes darting everywhere else except you.

“I think I should go now. Enjoy your meal.” He breaks the awkward silence, not making eye contact as he turns around to head back home.

“Joel.” You quickly call out after him which makes him stop and look back at you.

“Do you want to come in?” You suggested without giving it a thought, not wanting him to leave.

“Sure.” He replies after contemplating for a moment.

You invite him in, heart still racing as you head to the dining table to place the food down. He follows after you slowly, taking in the insides of your house. This is the first time he is in your house and he is observing every single detail of it, knowing this is your comfort place. This is a part of you that he gets to see for the first time so he is going to cherish this opportunity that is given to him.

You’re in the kitchen, washing your hands, grabbing the plate and utensils to place them down at the dining table. You turn towards Joel who is still checking out your place, standing by your living room couch.

“Have you eaten already?”

“Yeah.” He mutters, eyes locked onto the shelves at the front wall of your living room where there is a remaining carved piece of wood that you didn’t put away.

“Can I get for you coffee?” you offer.

He turns around and steps closer to the dining table while keeping his eyes on you.

“That would be lovely, thank you.” He nods before taking a seat opposite of yours.

Joel’s eyes drifting together with your movements as you make the coffee for him. He is pleased to be in your presence even though it is nerve wrecking for him but finally talking to you again makes his heart blooms with happiness. He schools his features back to a composed face when you approach the table with drinks.

“Thank you again for the food.” You thank him again before taking a bite of the steak and mashed potatoes that he prepared for you today. He gives you his signature nod as a reply.

Your eyes widen as you take the first bite of the meat and gawks at Joel, “It’s delicious!”

“Glad you like it.” He shrugs his shoulders, tipping his head forward slightly, feeling smug from your praise.

“What the fuck. It’s really good.” You cannot believe it and keeps on eating.

Joel brings the mug to his face, sipping on his coffee to cover the smile that is breaking into his face after seeing your raw reaction to his cooking. The way you react reminds him of Ellie and he finds it so adorable. He scans the side of your head that is covered with a new gauze for the stitch and notices the red bruises on your arms that is fading to brown as it heals. He hated seeing you in that kind of pain and it was gut wrenching to witness that, not able to soothe the pain away for you. He is relieved to see you smile again and this time because of him.You finish the meal while he sits there watching you eat with warm and focused eyes as you steal glances at him.

He insisted that you have a seat at the sofa as he washes the dishes for you. You did argued with him to let you do it yourself but you cannot defeat the man that is way more hardheaded than you. Staring at the back of the man that broke your heart two months ago who is now washing your dishes in your kitchen, you would have never seen this coming. You selfishly want to see more of him, shamelessly admitting it to yourself.

"Uh, I should go now." Joel rubbing his hands on his jeans, wiping the leftover wetness as he comes out of the kitchen area, towards you.

"Already?" your brows furrowed unknowingly, standing up slowly to see him out.

Joel cocks his head to the side, hearing the disappointment in your voice. He moves closer to you, heart beating rapidly, knowing that you want to spend more time with him.

"I'm on patrol duty with your temporary replacement soon." He explains.

"Oh. Hopefully you don't scare him away while I'm gone." You tease him.

He huffs before replying you with a smirk, "We'll see bout that.”

Just before he steps out of the house, you grab his wrist instinctively, turning him around to face you again.

“I really want to thank you for everything that you did for me. I appreciate it and it means a lot to me that you had my back. I’m sorry if I was a troublesome-“

“You weren’t,” Joel interrupts, twisting his wrist to hold your hand instead, “you never were.” He whispers, still shy to convey his true feelings.

His eyes are expressive with so many unspoken words as he gazes into yours, instinctively rubbing circles on the back of your hands like he did in the infirmary, waiting for you to be awake. But you don’t know that. Don’t know about the delicate touches that he leaves on your skin that night.

“Also, don’t leave the food by itself in front of my door. Next time, say hi to me at least.” You complain.

“Yes ma’am.” He give you a once over before letting go of your hand, “take care.” He heads out to make his way to the stables, looking back at you again who gives him a small timid wave. You notice his smile twisted with a smile before he snaps his head away, hiding his blushing face away from you. He walks away with lighter steps as if a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Surrounded by the books, you are sitting at one of the tables in the library with Emile. There is no sign of other people this morning causing the library to be filled with serene silence. The sunlight from the window, pierce through the gaps of the bookshelves, softly hitting the tables. Emile is rambling about his new read excitedly and you are listening to him intently, interested in where the story is going. It goes on from sharing stories with each other to talking about usual random stuffs until Emile brings up Joel in the conversation.

“How’s it going with Joel?” He asks in a cheery voice.

“What do you mean?” You release a laugh awkwardly.

“You seem livelier for the past few days and I thought Joel could be the reason for that.” His eyes are bright as he keeps the eye contact with you.

“What makes you say that?”

“I overheard that Joel has been cooking for you and that you guys even eat together for the past few days at your house.”

You smack your lips, nodding your head as you look away. You don’t talk to Emile about Joel so it’s kinda embarrassing to admit it to him. Since it’s out in the open, you use this time to tell the truth.

“You are a good friend, Emile. It’s comfortable to have conversations with you. I get to talk to you about anything and you are one of my emotional support in Jackson. I’m happy that we became friends.” You express to him with a sense of guilt, assuming it might hurt him that you put him in the friend zone. Your eyes lowering to your fidgeting hands on the table.

“Is this the part where you say that you don’t have feelings for me?” He questions with a clear voice.

You blink blankly at him, taken aback by his direct question. Your mouth parts slowly, wanting to speak but he continues to talk, sensing your faint hesitation.

“It’s okay. I know you are just being friendly with me without any other intentions, whether it’s good or bad. I see how you react when he’s around you and it’s pretty obvious, making me think that I’m stupid for not noticing it at first.”

“You’re not stupid,” you deny his negative thought.

“But I do enjoy your company and I’m really glad that we became friends as well.” His face beaming with a smile that infects you to mirror his.

You hold out a hand for him to shake on. He takes it and gives a firm handshake.

“We’re officially besties now” You states with a bright smile.

“Isn’t Ellie your bestie?”

“Okay, you’re officially my second bestie now.” You correct yourself.

“Whatever, tell me about you and Joel.” Emile still curious about the two of you, wiggling his eyebrows as he sent a playful smirk towards you.

“Oh shut up.” You pushes his hand away, rolling your eyes, faking the irritation. You know that if you talk about Joel now, you cannot control your expressions. He barks out a laugh seeing your reaction which makes you laugh as well.

Still giggling as Emile teases you, the both of you hear the door open and standing there is the man of the hour himself, Joel Miller. Stunned, you just freeze in your seat, gawking at him. You notice the cloud of breath coming out of his mouth as he exhales. His eyes studying your face and drifts towards Emile who is sitting opposite of you. His eyelids flutters slightly before lowering his gaze towards the floor.

“Sorry for interrupting.” He mutters, rubbing his gloved hands together before turning around to leave the library.

You stand up, eyes still trained on the door that was just shut.

“Go.” Emile looks up at you.

“I’ll see you again.” You take off without looking back.

Joel is dragging his feet back to his house, jaws clenching as the image of you and Emile having a good time laughing is stuck on his mind. In the span of few days of him checking up on you and having meals together, he forgets about Emile who has always been treating you nicely. How can he compete with a man who hasn’t been mean to you and break your heart?

“Joel! Wait up!” Your yelling halts him in his tracks. He looks over his shoulder and see you trying to keep up with him. He is still worried about you moving that fast, anxious that it will trigger dizziness in you again. He waits for you patiently, facing you with his head hanging low as he looks at his boots in the snow.

Another pair of boots comes into his view, opposite of him. He looks up to your face, seeing you panting, trying to catch your breath. How can you still look this cute standing in front of him while you gasp for air? He just wants to hold your face with his hands, warming your face that is growing cold.

“Where are you going?” You ask him.

“Home.” He gives a short reply, glancing towards the street.

“It’s cold. You should get back inside. I didn’t mean to disturb your time together.” His eyes darting over your shoulders at the library.

“You didn’t disturb anything. Were you looking for me?” You dismisses what he just said.

“I brought breakfast for us to eat together but you weren’t there.” He tries to be casual about it but you caught the sad look in his eyes.

“Let’s go then.” You walk ahead, leaving him to follow after you.

Joel picking at his leftover food aimlessly is bothering you. He is more quiet this morning, keeping his eyes on his plate most of the time. You call him out on his behaviour, not standing it anymore.

“What’s with the long face?”

“Nothing,”

“Don’t lie to me.” You firmly said.

He pauses for a moment before answering you, “You still seeing the librarian?” Still not making eye contact.

“I told you that he’s just my friend, Joel.” You reiterate that point again.

He nods his head solemnly, his lips still in a thin line. He leans back, not having the appetite to finish the rest of his food. You don’t believe that he agrees with that statement.

“You jealous?” You can’t help but grin, raising an eyebrow towards him.

“Get that smile off your face.” He rolls his eyes at you. You still don’t get why he is shy to admit it when he literally said that it hurts him to see you and Emile together, back at The Tipsy Bison.

“I sense jealousy.” You said in a singsong voice as you pick up the your plates and his, going to the kitchen sink.

Joel immediately follows and stands beside you as you wash the plates.

“You’re so infuriating, d’you know that. I told you that I will do the dishes.” He grumbles, annoyed that you didn’t listen to him.

“Well, too bad. I took them first.” You shrug your shoulders.

“Give me that. I’ll dry it.” He takes the washed plate from you, wiping it a dry cloth.

The both of you stand there, shoulders and arms touching as you focus on the task at hand. He lightly shoves you with his arm suddenly which makes you look up at him, frowning. He fake innocence as he wipes the utensils. You pushes him back, stronger than he did but he doesn’t budge. Not satisfied, you keep trying to shove him to the side but you fail miserably. You huff, feeling unfair by the significant difference of strength. Giving up, you continue to clean the cups but didn’t expect him to continue his disturbance by nudging you with his hip.

You cup your hands with water and splashes his face with it. His eyes are closely shut, his fringe sticks to his forehead, soaked with water and it’s running down his face. Droplets of water forms at his chin which drips onto the front of his shirt. Your nose flaring as you try to suppress your laughter but you couldn’t resist it anymore when he opens his eyes to look at you. You back away from him slowly before running away, laughing at him.

“Come here.” He chases after you right away and you didn’t get too far before you feel his arms wrapped around your waist from behind. You squeal as he lifts you slightly before letting you down and turn you around to face him, his hands clasps on your lower back.

He shakes his head vigorously, like a dog trying to dry itself, water droplets splattering on your face from it. You cover your face while still giggling at him. After he stops, you lower down your hand to his chest. A big grin is plastered on his face as he looks down at you, bewitching you with his dreamy and enchanting expression. You are entranced by him, spotting the dimples that you rarely see.

“Don’t mess with me.” He tries to warn you with a smile tugging on side of his face.

“Oooh, that is so threatening. I’m so scared.” You sarcastically joke which earns you a scoff from him.

You stay in his arms like that for a few more seconds. The both of you are not saying anything as you stare into each other’s eyes. He licks his lips and for a moment, you think that he might lean closer to you but disappointingly, he lets you go.

He clears his throat, “I better get going. Patrol duty again.” Avoiding eye contact.

“How is he by the way?” Curious about your temporary replacement.

“Not bad.” He shrugs.

“Wow. That is a compliment in your books.” You are surprised by his comment.

“Yeah. Better than the girl that keeps annoying me.”

“Get out.” You jokingly says, passing him his jacket that is on the couch and with your hands on his back, you keep pushing him towards the door as he tries to fight back while softly laughing at your antics.

He puts on his jacket and faces you again. Bending lower to meet you on your eye level, he tucks a stray hair on your ear and the graze of his fingers are burning your ears. You blink excessively, your heart stopping for a beat when his eyes meet yours.

“See you tomorrow, sweetheart.” He whispers to you, eyes twinkling as if they are the stars. You can’t stop the rapid beating of your heart even after he gets out of your house, leaving you dumbfounded and heated.

The Tipsy Bison is rowdy tonight with the residents of Jackson celebrating the bartender’s birthday. Kyle is the most loved by the people because of his endless kindness to everyone around him. You are seated in a booth with your usual crowd, Tommy, Maria and Joel. Unfortunately, Emile is unable to join as he finishes up his work in the library. Joel’s warm, strong thigh is pressing into yours even though there is more than enough space for the both on you on one side of the booth.

Joel has changed slightly, opening more of himself up to you. You get to see him bantering with Tommy over petty things like little boys which is what they are doing now. Arguing about who will beat whom in a arm wrestling match. You and Maria has seen this behaviour too many times that the both of you just shake your heads, sighing.

Recently, Joel has been brave to steal a couple of touches, not even hiding it anymore. He would tuck your stray hair or pat your head when he compliments you on something that you have done a good job at or placing his hand on your lower back to guide you somewhere and he takes every opportunity that he can to touch you. Like what he is doing now with his thigh, just to feel you there beside him.

A group of drunk, rowdy men walks past the booth before one of them stops to look at you. You sense his gaze and your head turns to look at him. It is the asshole from the other night, Jack. His eyes are heavy as he steps closer to the booth, clearly drunk.

“Oh look who it is!” He exclaims when he recognises you.

You don’t say a word, glaring at him as he drunkenly spews out insults at you again. The Miller brothers stop their argument and snaps their head towards Jack’s voice.

“Aren’t you Emile’s little mommy?” He says in a mocking tone, making you squeeze for fists. Joel scans your scowling face first before he notices your balled up fists on your thighs. His hand hovers your fist before cupping it gently, signalling you that he got your back.

“You threw him to the side after you get your fun and now you’re sucking off Joel Miller. What a slut.” He slurs on without shame.

Luckily for him, you are sitting on the inside so you cannot lunge at him to rip his face off and beat him to death like you wanted. Instead, Joel brings his fist to Jack’s face, rocking his jaw in an instant. Jack stumbles backwards, crashing on the nearby tables and chairs before falling to the ground, making people turn their heads to the commotion. Everybody stills, watching the event that is unfolding in front of their eyes. Joel cages him with his thighs, throwing punches at his face. Tommy gets up from his seat, holding Joel back before it gets worse. Joel stands and presses one foot on Jack’s chest, heaving from the punches that he threw.

“Last time, I told you to fuck off before I break your jaw. It seems like you really need it to break to get it into your fuckin’ head.” He growls at Jack that is looking up at him with eyes that are clouded with terror.

“You talk about my girl like that again, I will not hesitate to end you.” He warns with eyes that could kill Jack right there on the spot. “Now fuck off!” He spits at Jack after removing his foot away. Jack scrambles away with his friends, holding them for support.

Joel stands there, reeling in what he had just done. The crowd slowly gets going again, knowing that Jack had that coming for messing around with Joel. Joel is still pissed off at Jack and if no one had stopped him, he would have already killed that son of a bitch. His hand flinches when he feels a hand touching his. It is you that notices his trembling hand. You bring it up to your face, seeing the blood on his knuckles. You frown, not liking the fact that he got hurt from trying to protect you. You go back to the booth to let Maria and Tommy know that you’re bringing Joel back home to treat the cuts on his hand.

You drag him out of the bar with his other hand, heading back to your house. He follows you obediently, walking hand in hand, even though he is still fuelled with anger. Stomping his feet, he keeps on grumbling insults about Jack and wanting to beat the shit out of him. You glance at him, seeing his fiery eyes and downturned lips as he continues to curse the asshole. A smile appears on your face as you listen to his complaints. You are still replaying the words in your head again and again. He called you his girl. It brings butterflies in your stomach just by thinking about it.

You sat him down on your couch while you get the first aid kit. You pushes the coffee table close to the couch to sit on the edge of it, facing him with your legs in between his. You place his hand on your thighs as you wipe the blood off his hand. After putting the ointment, you bandage his hand with a gauze pad available. The entire time you were focused on treating his wounds, he was studying your face, processing every single detail to memory.

"All done," you let go of his hand.

"Thank you."

"You didn't have to do that, y'know"

"I want to." He says with conviction. "I don't like him talking about you like that."

"But I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm not. This was nothing." he tries to minimise the level of his injury.

You narrow your eyes and he shrugs at you trying to say that it is true. You shake your head disapprovingly, tired of his stubbornness. In the quietness of the night, wanting him to calm down, an idea comes to your mind.

"Come, I got something I want to show you." you crosses over his thigh, wanting to go up the stairs.

He quickly grabs your hand, wanting you to guide him upstairs as you hold on to him. You blushes when he does that, still making your heart flutters. Swallowing his spit, nervous that you brought him to your room, he stands at your door just watching you opening your window. You climb out the window to sit at your tiled roof, looking back at him, urging him to join you.

He marches across your room to the window, poking his head out, "It's freezing."

"I know. Just come out for awhile. You won't die," you reassures him. "Or are you just a coward?"

That strikes a nerve in him as he clicks his tongue at you and asks you to move over to give him some space. He folds his body, bones cracking as he struggles to go through the window.

"Damn, you're old." Holding on to him as he goes through the window, teasing him about his bone cracking.

"Ha. Ha. Funny." He replies in a monotonous voice.

The both of you sat next to each other, looking into the darkness of the vast sky. Because it is not snowing heavily, the moon that is not blocked by the clouds, brighten the snow-covered landscapes with a soft glow. The faint twinkle of the stars, reflecting in Joel's glassy eyes as you blatantly stare at him.

"I would sit here especially during the summer nights to stargaze. The enlightenment you get when you let your body immerse within the beauty of the nature is like no other." you explain.

"They're gorgeous." Peering into your eyes as it seems like he's not talking about the stars but you instead.

You are lost in his shining eyes and so is he, in yours. All of a sudden, he blinks the unwavering eyes of his away, remembering something. He takes out something from the inside of his jacket that is small enough to fit in his hands. Opening his palm towards you, you find a horse chess piece sitting on it. You look up at him with questions in your eyes while he portrays a shy smile on his face, suggesting you to take it.

“Stop! This is the prettiest one I’ve ever seen. You made this?” Still surveying the piece in awe.

“Yeah. Look at the bottom.”

You flip it around and notices a small writing on it. You stop breathing for a moment, reminded of the guitar pick that you gave him two months ago. You keep staring at the words directing at you.

“I was contemplating between this and ‘Let me be your knight in shining armour’, y’know. Because of the horse. But it was too long for me to-“ He stammers while trying to elaborate but stops when you lay your head on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Joel. I love it.” You hold the chess piece in your hand, tightly. His heart jumps with elation, overjoyed by your words.

He whispers your name, enrapturing you to shift your eyes at him, still resting your head on his shoulder.

“I would undo every single thing that I’ve done or said that hurt your feelings, in a heartbeat if I could. I didn’t see you for who you are and it kills me that I wasted so much time being a prick when we could spend more time together instead. You never fail to fill my heart with kindness and love and I want to do the same for you. Will you let me do that for you?” He confesses to you.

“Who said you haven’t done that yet?” You batted your eyelashes at him.

His heart stops for a beat, staring down at your face that is only a few inches away. Your glossy eyes mirror his look of adoration and he can’t help but moves your hair out of your face, caressing your cheeks softly.

“Joel Miller, the grumpiest man to ever lived, is sitting on the roof with me, stargazing. Who would have thought?”

“Only because it’s with you.” His thumb rubbing, warming your cold cheeks as you lean more into his touch.

His face tilts down to yours, eyes roaming over your features and stops at your lips. You hold your breath as he moves closer, heart pounding with anticipation. You have been waiting for this moment, imagining many different ways of exploring his lips. Your body shivering as he pauses when his lips are almost touching yours.

“Can I kiss you?” He mutters, almost inaudible as he shifts his eyes back to yours for confirmation, his tongue poking out slightly to wet his lips at the same time.

“Now you want to be polite? Just kiss me already.” You pull him closer by the neck, gently pressing his lips to yours. His lips are electrifying to touch despite the softness of it. He continues to move and you follow, effortlessly flowing together like water. His arms that are pressing against your side, slides up your back, holding you close to him. You feel him smiling against your mouth as the kiss gets heated. You pull back from him to catch your breath, foreheads still pressed against each other while you keep your eyes closed, heart still racing from the kiss. He is panting for air as well, eyes fixed on your parted lips.

“I’ve been waiting for a year for this,”

“I know, baby.” He cups your face, looking at you with dazed eyes before suggesting that the both of you get inside before it gets colder. You step down into the room first and he follows right after. He pulls you back towards him by your belt loop, wrapping his arms around your waist as he cannot resist the look of need in your eyes.

“I’m not done with you, my love.”

He leans in to kiss you again, this time more desperately. You throw your hands over his shoulders, arching your back to press your front against his. As it gets passionate, you are stumbling backwards as he pushes you towards your bed, lying you down on it. He hovers over you, leaning his weight on his palms that rest on either side of your head.

“I’ll repay the one year worth of kisses tonight so that you can forgive my dumbass.” Sliding down the side of your face, leaving kisses on your neck. You let out a moan, blessing his ears with the sounds that you are making involuntarily. You try to say something but your head is clouded with lust as he lightly runs his tongue along your jawline, raking one of your hands through his curls and another, scratching across his firm back. His soft grunts in your ear makes your spine tingle, rolling your eyes to the back of your head as he slides his hands under your shirt, digging his fingers in your waist.

“You’re forgiven, baby.” You blurt out while you are distracted by his pressing body on yours. He stops, raising his head towards you, not believing what he just heard.

“What did you just say?”

“Huh?” Your eyes heavy lidded as you look at him.

“Let me hear it again.” He smiles adorably.

“You’re forgiven?” Your brows knitted in confusion.

“No. The other one.”

“Baby?”

His face breaks into a grin and he softly giggles into your chest, loving the fact that you called him ‘baby’. Fuck the forgiveness, he just wants you to claim him as yours forever. He peppers you with kisses all over your face, making you scrunch, still smiling at him.The night deepens as the both of you continue exploring each other’s bodies, steaming the room up with grunts and moans throughout the night. The chess piece that fell to the ground while the both of you kiss, lies sidewards, the writing prominent at the bottom of it.

‘I pick you 2’

previous part

Thank you for reading! I have another Joel Miller fic that is coming soon over here. It's a sports romance x childhood friends to enemies to lovers. Do keep a lookout if you're interested. All love <3 - Z

Taglist: @greenwitchfromthewoods @rebeccawinters @cuteanimalmama @rodriguez31 @orcasoul @ashleyfilm @macaroni676 @whirlwindrider29 @vickie5446 @uncassettodiricordi @astralqueenoc

[exhaslo]

Kinktober Day 26- Zoro x F!Reader: Sex Pollen

Summary: While on an island, Zoro gets lost and accidently gets sick off of the strange plant life. His only cure...is you.

Warning: MINORS DNI, SMUT, sex pollen-you know if you know. Creampie

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It had only been a few months since Luffy had convinced you to join his crew. You were deemed the 'babysitter' of the group. Watch this person, watch that one, it was stressful; however, a few months was all you needed to fall in love with the blockhead swordsman of the crew, Roronoa Zoro.

You had wanted to believe that Zoro shared the same feelings towards you, but he was a difficult man to read. You had confided your feelings to Nami and Robin and both had to wish you the best of luck.

"Gaaaaaaah!!! Something's wrong with Zoro!!!" Chopper cried out as Zoro collapsed on the deck.

You rushed over along with the others as Chopper checked on Zoro. Worry washed over you as you tried to offer your assistance to the cute ship's doctor.

"I said...I'm fine!" Zoro grunted as he tried to stand.

"No you're not! Did you do anything different on the island we were just on?!" Chopper lectured as he placed Zoro on the infirmary bed.

"Tch, just wandered into...a patch of flowers is all."

"The same flowers the residents told us to avoid?" You asked, placing your hand against his forehead, "You're burning up, Zoro."

"Hn!"

You bit your lower lip as Zoro grabbed your hand. His breathing was erratic and his pupils were blown. Chopper was still panicking as he tried to do some research, but this...this you knew was different.

"Chopper, I think I know what's wrong. Um, he just needs some private rest."

"Are you sure?" Chopper asked in all his cuteness. You felt bad for lying to him,

"Yeah, I just remembered what the villagers said. If you wander into the flowers, let the person sleep off the sickness. Um, only a person of opposite sex can stay...alone with the sick person."

"Okay!"

Ah, how your heart clenched for lying to Chopper. He was so innocent to believe your story that he left, allowing you to lock the door.

"(Y/N)," Zoro groaned, his body pressed against your back, "You should...have left too."

"How could I?" You shivered as his hands started to roam your body, "The villagers warned...mhm...me about those flowers."

Zoro grunted softly as he started to grind his hips against your ass. His kisses getting rougher against your neck as he kept pressing you against the door. Worried that someone will hear, you struggled to face Zoro, pushing him gently.

"(Y/N)," Zoro hissed as he grabbed your ass, "Let me have you,"

Feeling your body against the bed, you looked into Zoro's eyes. He looked like he was in pain. Smiling, you leaned forward to kiss Zoro as he continued to take your clothes off.

This wasn't how you were expecting your first time to be, but at least you were helping Zoro. The way he looked at you was intoxicating. Once he took his own clothes off, you nearly felt your pussy drench the bed at the sight.

Zoro was toned and his dick was massive. You were afraid that he wasn't going to fit.

"Z-Zoro-"

With a groan, Zoro captured your lips in a hungry kiss. His fingers rubbing against your clit before entering your pussy. You winced at first, finding it slightly uncomfortable, but started to enjoy it as Zoro kept pumping his fingers into you.

"Shit, I wanted...to savor you..." Zoro groaned as he took your breast into his mouth, "Fuck you right,"

"Ah~" You clenched against his fingers towards his words, "D-Does that...mean?"

"Let me eat you properly after this," Zoro took his fingers out, licking them clean, "Shit, taste so sweet."

Your heart was racing as Zoro confessed. He spread you legs and slowly slid his dick inside your folds. You gripped the bed sheets, groaning towards the pain. Zoro's dick was big. He was stretching you out.

"Tight," He groaned, finally entering balls deep inside you.

You only had a moment to catch your breathe before Zoro started to pound into you like a beast in heat. You grabbed the pillow to cover your moans but the room was filled the slapping of your bodies. His dick abusing your poor pussy with every slap.

"Fuck," Zoro hissed as he held your hips tightly.

You felt your eyes roll back as Zoro kept hitting your sweet spot. His tip kissing your cervix with every rough thrust. Your body was burning with heat as you gave into Zoro's harsh thrusts.

Unable to handle the intensity, you cam quickly. Your body unable to keep up to his pace. Zoro kept pounding inside you, groaning and moan with every thrust. Little by little, you felt yourself getting full, wondering if Zoro had cummed inside you without noticing.

"Z-Zoro~" You moaned, arching your back as you felt another orgasm building up. Zoro threw your legs over his shoulders, wanting to taste you even deeper than before,

"So good, (Y/N). More," He whimpered.

Honestly, it was so hard to deny him. Zoro was still in pain. Shivering as Zoro continued his rough pace, you felt your throat starting to hurt. It was hard to moan and your body was growing numb. You were starting to see stars.

-------

Feeling his vision start to clear up, Zoro panted heavily as he finally came back to his senses. Looking down, his eyes widen as he saw you breathing heavily, your eyes half open. Honestly, you had a delicious fucked out expression on your face.

Wincing, Zoro finally realized that you were like this because of him. His memory returning as he pulled his dick out of your pussy. His cum flowing out of you like a waterfall.

"Shit," Zoro hissed as he got off the bed.

Looking around for some cleaning wipes, Zoro did his best to wipe your body down. His attention focused on his cum pouring out of your pussy. Oh, how he wanted to fill you back up. Stroking your hair, Zoro grumbled that this had to be the first time he fucked you.

"Sorry, (Y/N), next time I'll be more careful."

"Mhm," You rested your head against his hand, smiling softly as you fell asleep. Zoro sighed heavily in response,

"Tch, didn't leave enough marks on you either."

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Hope you enjoyed!!!

Kinktober 2023 Masterlist

Kinktober 2024 Masterlist

[another-lost-mc]

a new dating sim catches your eye and asmo is absolutely 100% not jealous at all.

a date with death | asmodeus x gn!reader

cw: sfw (slightly suggestive towards the end). pet names (asmo calls reader darling, sunshine). vague spoilers for parts of the game (up to day five). silly fluff and jealousy over 2d characters.

word count: 1.2k words

a/n: I really like this game (a date with death) btw, I definitely recommend it.

"I tried that new game you've been playing."

Asmo's comment catches you off-guard and your eyes slowly blink open. You were on the verge of sleep, warm and content with his chest pressed against your back and his arm draped loosely over your waist. The words are muffled slightly against your shoulder, his lips leaving a sticky trail from the hydrating mask he smoothed over them as part of his nightly skincare routine.

You've been playing a new dating sim lately. You knew Asmo peered at the monitor over your shoulder to see what you were up to, but he didn't seem all that interested. He didn't give any indication that he wanted to play it himself, either.

It's not the first romance-based game you've played in the Devildom and he never cared before. He thinks it's cute when you find a character that appeals to you. Sometimes he watches you play through the stories, or he'll listen with a smile while you talk about the game later.

When you offered to play other games with him in the past, he insisted that was Levi's area of expertise. That didn't prevent him from finding his own ways to enjoy your hobby with you though. He preferred to indulge you with a little bit of roleplay instead: parading around his room dressed like your favourite characters, imitating their speech patterns and mannerisms to sweep you off your feet, and seducing you as if they had come to life.

(Later, he seduced you properly as himself because no one can ever love you as much as he does).

But he knew right away that this particular game was different. You giggled at your desk while you tapped away at your computer. It made you smile in a soft and charming sort of way. It irked him that some pictures and words on a screen drew that sort of reaction from you the same way he did.

You lean back and glance at him over your shoulder. His expression is hard to read in the dark, but you can feel the heavy weight of his stare on your face. "I didn't know you wanted to play it. You should've told me! Did you like it?"

"Not at all," he declares firmly, and you can't help but chuckle at his sharp response.

"Really? Why not?"

"I'm so glad you asked, darling," he says as he turns over and sits up suddenly. He flips on the lamp beside him, and he rubs the back of his hand against your cheek in apology when you wince as light illuminates his room. He plucks something off the bedside table and waves it in your direction with a flourish. "I made a list!"

You give him a skeptical look as you roll over to give him your full attention, and he clears his throat and taps the top of the page. "My first complaint is the ridiculous title: I Made a Bet and Have to Survive the Next Seven Days Without Falling in Love With a Babygirl Reaper Who Wants My Soul! Seriously? The title alone should warn you how terrible it's going to be."

"That's not what it's called in the human world," you explain with a shrug. "I don't understand why they changed it here, it's a little bit silly."

He tsks under his breath. "Silly indeed. Where do I even begin with this so-called love interest? It's almost like the creators have never met a real reaper before. I can assure you most of them aren't as nice or cute as they make him out to be." The look he shoots you next is oddly serious, and it sends a chill up your spine as his words sink in. "I recommend not getting too close to their kind. Thirteen seems docile enough, but I prefer your body and soul to remain in one piece."

You're not sure how to begin to respond to that little speech, but he pokes the paper with his finger and continues reading his list of "glaring issues" with the game. The complaints get more ridiculous and obscure, and it's only when he gets to the bottom of the page that the reason for his sour mood dawns on you.

"...and when I thought it couldn't get any worse, he calls you 'sunshine.' He has some nerve - that's what I call you. Remember when Mammon thought it would be funny to call you his sunshine too?" A dangerous gleam twinkles in his eyes before it disappears just as quickly. "At least he learned not to do that again," he murmurs under his breath.

You shuffle over on your knees and swing your leg over his thighs so you can sit in his lap. "Do you have any other complaints on that little list of yours?" you ask him with a teasing smile.

He huffs in frustration and his frown is adorable - of course he has one more grievance to share. "That stupid reaper doesn't even know your favourite flower. Tomorrow I'm going to buy you the biggest and most beautiful bouquet you've ever seen."

He finally drops the paper but neither of you spare it a second glance as it falls over the side of the bed and flutters to the floor. He wraps his arms around you and squeezes your waist gently, slumping his head against your chest with a drawn-out sigh. "I don't see what you like about him."

"Oh, Asmo." You run your hands gently through his hair as you hide your smile against the crown of his head. "Are you telling me there's a video game character you're actually jealous of?"

"Of course not," he mumbles into your collarbone, mouthing softly at the skin with little flicks of his tongue but it's not quite enough to distract you. "I wanted to see what all the hype was about." His teeth graze the bottom of your throat and you swallow down a quiet moan. "I found it extremely disappointing, by the way."

You cradle his jaw gently and tilt his head up so you can kiss the corner of his mouth. "You're so cute when you pout," you coo softly, just to watch how his cheeks turn pink. "I hope you know that he could pop into existence and appear outside your window right now, and I still wouldn't be interested in him. He's not you."

The words seem to soothe him a bit if the purring in his chest is anything to go by. You kiss the tip of his nose and let out a quiet squeak when he grasps the back of your neck and pulls you down so he can kiss you.

Repeatedly.

"You're right, darling." Kiss. "He's completely irrelevant," kiss "and I've already forgotten what his name is."

The world tilts suddenly as Asmo flips you onto your back and braces his weight on his hands. You giggle when he leans down and noses along your jaw. One of his hands slowly glides down your chest and tugs at the hem of your shirt, lifting it up and tossing it aside without a second thought.

"Let's see if I can make you forget his name too, hmm?"

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