#i think i might be ftm

[yeahimatransman]

Signs from being younger that probably are signs of being trans:

Making a sock penis and wearing it in my room. Never admitting it, but wanting a penis.

Fantasizing that I was turned into a boy and choosing to stay that way.

Taking quizzes that claim to "guess your gender" and wanting to have the results say I was a boy.

This one makes me laugh, but pretending to be a boy when I would play on Club Penguin.

Really liking how I looked in our jazz band uniform which includes a men's dress shirt, dress pants, a tie, and a vest.

Signs in adulthood and right now that probably are signs of me being trans:

Buying a packer and really enjoying wearing it in public.

Loving the bulge my packer gives me and wanting to look at it all day long/wear it everyday.

Wanting a real penis.

I want a beard so bad.

Buying a binder and being frustrated that it didn't make me completely flat because I have a large chest. Kind of liking how it looked anyway when I was able to get over that and see that it did make my chest smaller.

Still fantasizing of being turned into a man and choosing to stay that way.

Going by he/him pronouns on here.

Changing my pronouns on Facebook to see it say "changed HIS profile picture" and seeing that I was listed as "brother" and "son" on my siblings and parents pages. (Changed it back out of fear of getting caught).

Changing my gender on Facebook to Male even though it's hidden.

Picturing myself in the future presenting as male with short hair, a beard, and having gotten top surgery.

I want to be a man.

AND YET I am still struggling with believing I am actually trans or that I should move forward with transitioning. There is so much that goes into this. Internalized transphobia. Inability to let go of my religion even if I don't necessarily believe because it's what I have known my whole life and all my friends are there. Religious trauma and being told that my being a woman is eternal and divine. Fear of disappointing my family and friends or confusing them/ruining our relationships. Messing with the status quo at almost 28 years old. Not being taken seriously. I probably should see a gender therapist.

I just really needed to get that all out. If anyone has any advice or ideas or maybe even just validation, I would really appreciate it.

[transmunsons]

Eddie kisses Steve because he thinks he’s dying. Guys like him don’t get a lot of action so he figures he might as well squeeze in a first kiss before kicking the bucket. And if he so happens to be harboring a massive crush on Steve, well, he won’t have to be around much longer to deal with it.

Except he didn’t die. And now Steve is hiding a deeply injured fugitive in his house and questioning his sexuality. And on top of that, he has to tell the poor guy that his dick is missing when he wakes up.

[lycandrophile]

it's silly but the biggest reason why im not into t yet is bc im so afraid of losing my hair. do you have any solutions/tips for it?

first of all, i don’t think it’s silly — it’s natural to be worried when hair loss is talked about by so many people as like…one of the worst results of aging for men. listening to my dad talk about how much he hates balding definitely did not make me feel particularly good about the knowledge that i may very well be joining him someday. i’m not saying the fear is right, because i don’t think hair loss is something awful that we should avoid at all costs, but it’s an understandable fear given the beauty standards we’re working with, and it’s one that a lot of us (myself included) feel.

one thing that’s helped me is just…paying more attention to the guys that i interact with on a daily basis. i’ve learned two things from it: 1) hair loss is super fucking common. i’d say it’s much harder to find an adult man who isn’t balding at all than it is to find one who’s completely bald. and 2) if you forget everything you’ve been told about how bad hair loss is, you’ll realize that quite frankly, every single one of those guys looks totally fucking fine. it doesn’t ruin their appearance and make them ugly, it looks totally natural and isn’t really even something you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it. we put so much weight on it but it’s really just not that big of a deal. i’ll hear my parents talk shit about men in my family who are losing their hair when i didn’t even notice a difference last time i saw them. it’s one of those things (like so many other appearance-related things) that you really only notice at all because you’ve been taught that you’re supposed to care about it.

this isn’t something i’ve done personally, but if you really want to desensitize yourself to the idea of it, embrace the time-honored queer tradition of just shaving your whole damn head! find out what you’d look like without hair, find out how you feel about it and what you can do that makes you feel good about your appearance without hair, test the waters while it’s still a temporary change and not something permanent. that way, it won’t feel like this big scary unknown, and you’ll actually have a frame of reference for your feelings about how you look without hair rather than accepting the societal assumption that you’ll inevitably hate it. if you don’t want to actually shave your head, you could also just fuck around with bald filters or photoshop and see what happens.

oh, and if you’re attracted to men, keep an eye out for guys who are bald or balding and also hot as fuck. in my experience, there’s no insecurity or potential future insecurity that being gay for other men hasn’t helped me with. just off the top of my head, i can think of a couple actors who i think are absolutely fucking gorgeous who have helped me get over my fears about losing my hair. despite what our anti-aging-obsessed world might want you to think, there is no such thing as a physical feature that automatically makes someone less attractive, and while making attractiveness less of a priority in your life is good, it can’t hurt to also give yourself some proof that actually, you might lose your hair and look hot as hell doing it.

basically, entertain the possibility that it won’t be a bad thing at all! whether that’s just because it turns out to be a neutral thing for you or because you end up actually liking it, it’s not an inherently bad thing. i’ve ended up liking a lot of things that were “supposed to” be bad effects of t — i love the weight i’ve gained and the new shape it gives my body, i get a lot of gender euphoria from the fact that my acne is now on parts of my face that i saw a lot of guys in high school get it and i’m not complaining about the scars i get from it either because i’ve always liked the added texture that acne scars give my skin, and so on. i think there’s a lot of joy to be had in the changes we’re taught to fear, once we look past that conditioning and actually explore how we feel about it.

but if it’s something you really don’t want and you just want to improve your chances of not having to deal with it, it’s not like there’s nothing you can do! products like finasteride (oral) and minoxidil (usually topical but i think there might also be oral versions) are pretty commonly used among trans guys, for the purpose of avoiding hair loss and for other reasons, and there are plenty of other anti-hair loss products out there (though i don’t know how effective any one of them might be). if it’s a big enough deal for you, you can just decide that you’ll go off of t if/when you start noticing signs of it, since no longer having higher t levels would stop the process in its tracks. and if you don’t find prevention options that work for you so it ends up happening, you can always explore different hair styles (judging by the pattern of hair loss i see in my family, i suspect that keeping my hair long would make it less obvious if i started losing mine), find your preferred method of covering it when you don’t feel good about it (personally i love a good beanie generally and would probably wear them a lot more if i didn’t have hair to worry about because my main complaint is the way they press my hair onto my neck), or just shave it all off if you don’t like the look of the partial balding but don’t mind a shaved head. the point being — you have options!

at the end of the day, whether you go on t or not, you’re going to see your body change as you age in ways that aren’t always going to be attractive to others or aesthetically pleasing to you. that’s just the reality of having a body. even if you never went on t, you’d get older and you might see your hair thin out even if you don’t bald, you’ll see your skin start to wrinkle and sag in places that used to be smooth, your metabolism might slow or your body fat might start to gather in new places; hell, you might lose your hair for a totally different reason and end up in the same place but without the benefits of having been on t that whole time. life is full of bodily changes like that. transphobes will fearmonger about the permanent changes of testosterone all day long but the truth is, there is no escaping permanent bodily changes. whether or not you go on t, your body now isn’t the same as it will be in 1 or 5 or 10 or 20 or 50 years, just like it isn’t the same as it was at any point in your life before now. our bodies are never supposed to stop growing and aging and changing throughout our lives. there’s no guaranteeing that we’ll love every single change our bodies go through, but that’s okay! there are so many things in life that are more important than the way our bodies look. even if you go on t and lose your hair and don’t like how it looks, your life won’t be ruined; plenty of other things will bring you joy and more than make up for the insecurities.

just think about the gender euphoria and relief from dysphoria that t could give you. would losing your hair be bad enough to outweigh all of that? or is it just the pressure of a society that decided balding is bad that’s making you fear one single change despite how much joy you could have if you let that fear go? only you can decide if going on t is worth the potential downsides for you, but i suspect that for most of us, the benefits of going on t far outweigh the possibility of side effects like hair loss happening down the line.

[uncanny-tranny]

To new parents: maybe waiting on getting your child/ren's names tattooed on your body might be a good idea in many cases

Signed,

I'm trans now

[deerboybreeder]

Feeling actually upset that my womb is so empty I need to get bred so fucking badly. My birthday is in like a month and a half, maybe someone will give me a birthday gift of raping me pregnant.

[implied-divinity]

im feeling sappy tonight. shoutout to the baby tboys begging to be forcemasced. one day you will become the man you want to be. within the kink its wonderful when another man grabs you by the shoulders and pushes you headfirst in. its wonderful to share in the joy he felt when he started. in reality know youre afraid. it takes guts to let yourself be who you want. dont take your feelings lightly and let yourself explore. you are not alone but its also up to you. take care. much love.

[keithbutgay]

Headcanon that once Hugo got a bunch of period products to give to Nuru for the journey to be supportive but he didn't know Nuru's trans. So he holds out the pads and Nuru looks and them and slowly opens her mouth but before she can say anything Varian swoops by and just yoinks the pads like "THANKS I NEEDED THESE"

[andresmounts2]

Tbh being a black autistic trans guy who's asexual & aspec is all fun & games until I want to start dating and my future partner is gonna have to deal with all that.

[shrews-things]

Things about top surgery that I didn't expect (double incision)

It hurt so much less right after waking up than I thought it would, it was similar to pneumonia lung pain like kind of a burning sensation

Wasn't hard or upsetting to get used to my new look!! Also there isn't an ounce of regret in me, I thought I'd have some at least in the first few weeks

I had the posture of a shrimp for like two whole weeks from that compression garment

It itches as it heals which is fucked up bc I can't feel shit in any of it and also when I try to gently pat it to make the itch go away, I can't feel that either so it doesn't help :')

I'm like 5 weeks post-op and I still can't raise my arms above my head gdkdhskhdn

Still reaching for a bra or binder out of habit when getting dressed

It still feels like I'm somehow??? Hiding my chest???? Like when I was still just binding, I still go like "oh this is a good outfit, it hides my chest well" boy you haven't got a chest to hide

The urge to pull out the loose ends of my dissolvable stitches,,,,

[booperbeanv3]

I love your June Egbert, she looks like the protagonist of a Shoujo Manga.

worst manga ever lol

Ur ask inspired me to try my hand at moeshit again and i still suck at it but it was fun lol a guy's gotta return to his roots

[statementlou]

okay spotify wrapped (or apple replay or whatever) question for louies, how many Louis songs made your top 100 TWICE via both the album and LIVE versions?

[yeahimatransman]

Just got out of therapy. I had a rough day yesterday. I was feeling shame and guilt for feeling this way and was thinking about repressing everything like I did in 2022. Since yesterday was Sunday I was thinking about church and dealing with the "what if this is a test and I am failing and I shouldn't be feeling this way" kind of stuff that seems to come with questioning your gender in the Mormon church. So I thought about logging out of this account and doing what I did before. Today though I got up, put on my packer, and went to therapy. I was really anxious for the first like 10-15 minutes. I haven't had therapy in a while, so it was a lot of catch up and just feeling uncomfortable. Then I finally opened up about questioning my gender. She was very understanding, though she said she doesn't know a lot about gender stuff. We spent the rest of the session talking about it and she provided me with a list of transgender resources in the area and said it would probably be good for me to try looking into those. I think it went pretty well. I even told her that I was packing today, though I had to explain to her what that meant 😂

I feel a lot better having talked to her about it. She definitely thinks I should keep exploring this and that it's great that I have been experimenting and should continue to do so. She also thanked me for trusting her with this and gave me a ton of validation.

Overall, I think it was a success. I just need to keep figuring how to work on my church hang ups.

Now I am heading into work with my packer on.

[daphnalia]

i have made so many drawings of yeet and killa and the worst part is that NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THEM ARHEHAA🗣️🗣️💥

but anyways when have i ever cared about that

[uncanny-tranny]

Also, in response to the "testosterone making people angrier" myth, I've found that, personally, testosterone has given me the self-respect to recognize and call out when my boundaries are being overstepped in ways that I wouldn't have had the courage (or, frankly even liking of myself) to have done before. This is in addition to me working on my trauma responses, but testosterone was the spark that gave me the will to do this in the first place. When I see people sae that as anger and thus is a "bad thing," I wonder how much of that is just people being uncomfortable with us... having boundaries or enforcing them, and that the response to that overstepping is labeled as aggressive anger.

Frankly, I now actually respect myself enough to care when I am being mistreated. It seems that people sometimes take that as a personal failure on my end because I don't think I deserve mistreatment.

Caveat: Anger is a fine emotion, and it is a worthy thing to recognize and honour. I find that the accusation of trans men* and trans masc* people "being angry" on testosterone is a moot point simply because it is often a false accusation which uses anger as a punishment. My issue isn't that we're "angry," but that our perceived anger is used, often, as a transphobic bludgeon to punish those who either want to transition with testosterone or who currently are, and everything in-between.

[artaintfartwarriors]

[2pen2wildfire]

Y'know I identified as asexual for like, a WHILE before eventually realizing I wasn't, and honestly I regret nothing. I mean I was like 15/16 and Mormon (repressed exmo gang eyy✌️) so it's not like I'd be having sex anyway, I wasn't missing out on anything (and aces aren't "missing out" in general, they're doin their own thing and I love that). But in my case identifying the way I did allowed me to step back and just. Get in tune with my emotions and attractions and everything. I'd realized I liked girls at 13 and instantly I thought that meant I had to sexualize them, objectify them even. And that led to a lot of awkward interractions and feeling like shit about myself for being creepy (didn't help that I'm autistic and had trouble figuring out what was too much). So I really think I needed to be ace for a while. I needed that time to let myself desexualize love and attraction in my brain until I was in a place where I could express sexuality in a healthier way. In a similar way I think it was good that I went through so many gender and sexual/romantic orientation labels before settling on what I am now, because it allowed me to analyze why I identify this way and what it means to me. My identity is stronger and more solid because of the way I grappled with it throughout highschool, and I learned a whole lot about other communities along the way!