#i think i might be able to draw more soon? maybe

[chimeride]

[lunarharp]

the ghost

[arolesbianism]

Dude I cannot wait for artfight I am going to go soooo ham... My goal is at least one attack per day, but depending on how Im feeling I might go for 3! I will definitely do way more than 3 for the first few days at least, I am going to kill every last one of y'all

[formula-nyoom]

I'm Proud of You

Pairing: Platonic!Grid x Fem!Driver!Reader

Summary: Being the youngest and newest driver to the grid is not an easy adjustment to make and it ends up taking a toll on you. Thankfully some of the other drivers on the grid are there to look out for you.

A/N: Was going to wait till Saturday to post this, but I had a shit day today so I decided to post it now. Hope you enjoy!

~~~

No one really knew what Mercedes was thinking when they announced that they were signing you, an F2 rookie who placed 6th in the Formula 2 Championship, as the one to take the 2nd Mercedes seat. Everyone expected you to be named a reserve driver, so that you could prepare for the jump to F1. Yet here you were, jumping straight into the deep end. Even after you heard the news that you would be racing in Formula One, you were left more with shock and confusion rather than excitement. 

Sure, you had done a couple of test drives for Mercedes and had participated in an F1 practice session or two, but you didn’t think that was enough to put you in contention for a Formula One seat. 

But the media thought otherwise, and so did Mercedes. 

Both your friends and family tried to reassure you that you were good enough to race in Formula One, and you had seen countless interviews of Toto Wolf saying that he had made the right decision in signing you.

But none of that could take away the fact that all eyes were now on you. 

The first female to race in Formula One, and now the youngest on the grid.

The season hadn’t even started and yet you felt like Atlas holding the world weight of pressure that was placed upon your shoulders. You now have something to prove. And everyone was waiting for you to either fly or fall.

Maybe that’s why you couldn’t find the courage to cross the turnstile that led into the paddock during the first race weekend of the season. Crossing over would make everything real. And you would be doing it alone, as both your family and your manager weren't able to get to the track till later in the day. 

“Did you forget your badge on the first day?” A voice said from behind you. You turned to see Charles and Pierre.

 “You can just jump over the gate. Yuki does it all the time.” Pierre said. 

 “No, I have my badge…I’m just nervous to enter the paddock.” You said, motioning with your head to the turnstiles.

 “What makes you so nervous?” Charles asked.

“There’s a lot of people. And cameras. And people with cameras. I feel like I’m gonna get swarmed as soon as my foot crosses the entrance.” You said.

 “You’re not wrong. The media doesn’t really know the definition of personal space.” Charles said, taking a sip of his coffee. “If you want, I can act as a buffer and draw the attention away while Pierre helps you get past.”

 “Would that work? I just want to get to the Mercedes hospitality.”

“Oh trust me, the media loves Charles. They’ll be too focused on getting pictures of him to see us walk by.” Pierre said. You looked back at the people past the entrance and there seemed to be more than when you last looked. 

 “Well…if you’re sure it will work then we might as well try.” You said. Charles smiled and gave you a nod. He then took the sunglasses that were hanging on his hat and put them on before entering the paddock. Immediately, the people that had cameras flocked to Charles and started to take his picture as he tried to walk through the paddock. You and Pierre waited a couple moments to build enough distance between you and Charles before the two of you entered the paddock. You clutched the straps of your bag tightly, expecting the nearby paparazzi to turn around and immediately start taking pictures of you and Pierre, but they were too focused on Charles.  

Pierre’s hand hovered over your shoulder as he tried to block you from most of the cameras while guiding you through the paddock. While the two of you managed to pass Charles without getting noticed, you couldn’t help but feel a bit claustrophobic, seeing Charles surrounded by so many people trying to take his picture. Eventually, you and Pierre managed to make it to the Mercedes hospitality building.

“Is it always going to be like this?” You asked Pierre.

 “Unfortunately, yes. Especially since you’re the newest on the grid. I recommend you invest in a good pair of sunglasses. But I’m proud of you for getting past your first swarm of paparazzi.” Pierre said, ruffling your hair. You laughed and swatted his hand away as Charles walked up to the two of you.

 “Whew! Thank god Lewis walked in. I felt like those reporters and paparazzi would never leave.” Charles said.

 “Sorry for making you go through that.” You said, feeling a bit guilty. 

“Pas de soucis. I’m used to it and know how to handle them. Though I will advise that you never enter the paddock by yourself. The reporters are like vultures.” Charles said. “Anyway, we will see you at the press conference, no?”

 “Yep. I’ll see you there.” You said. Charles patted your shoulder before him and Pierre headed to their own team's hospitality. 

~~~

You were beginning to hate the press conferences that you had to go to. Any question that was directed towards you involved your performance on track, or lack thereof as some reporters like to put it. You were getting tired of having to answer questions that made you feel like a failure.

“This question is for (Y/N). We’re now five races into the season and you’ve been continuously out qualified and out placed by your teammate, George? Is there a certain struggle that you’re having with the car that may be the cause of this?”

If you could walk away from this question, you would. But instead you stayed in your seat and picked up the microphone next to you. Damn Mercedes PR training.

 “There’s still some learning with the car. The engineers have said that the car isn’t up to the standards they want it to be, so I am struggling a bit on track.” You said, giving your best PR approved answer that you could manage.

“But would it be safe to say that you are under performing at Mercedes in comparison to your teammate?” The reporter asked. You tried to steal your expression and act like the comment didn’t bother you.

 “What kind of question is that?” It wasn’t you that asked it, but Lando, who was sitting to your right. You looked at him with some confusion. So did the reporter.

“Is there something you would like to add, Lando?”

“Yea. You can’t say she’s underperforming when she’s a rookie that has only completed five races.” Lando said, an upset expression clear on his face. The reporter cleared his throat.

 “I’m just saying, some have doubts that Mercedes were too hasty in signing an F2 rookie and I wanted to know if that was being reflected in (Y/N)’s driving.” The reporter said, trying to control the situation

 “I think we already know your opinion on Mercedes' decision based on the questions you ask.” Carlos said, who was sitting next to Lando. “I agree with Lando that it’s unfair to judge (Y/N) based on her first five races.”

 “I’d say she’s actually doing pretty good for a rookie, considering she’s been able to score points in two out of the 5 races she’s done so far.” Lando said.

 “Much more than you have ever done.” Carlos said to the reporter. You tried to hide the smile that was slowly forming on your face but inevitably failed as you picked your microphone back up.

“To my two fellow drivers points, I think you’re discounting me too early. I will admit that there is still a learning curve and with the continuous upgrades that Mercedes keeps bringing to the car, I am constantly having to adjust to all the new additions while also trying to get used to driving a Formula One car every other weekend.” You said, making direct eye contact with the reporter. “But I will eventually get used to the car. And when I do, I think I will be able to match George and possibly start out qualifying.”

That seemed to silence the reporter, as he sat back down. It also seemed to signify the end of the press conference as reporters started to pack their things and you and the other drivers sitting on the couch with you got up and left the room.

“Mate, I’m so proud of you and how you handled that reporter.” Lando said once you were out of the room. He placed his hand on your shoulder and pulled you into a side hug.

 “I was ready to walk out of the press conference when I heard that question. Why do these reporters always have to compare me to George?”

 “Because that's what they do. All of us get compared to our teammates because our teammates are seen as our biggest competition.” Carlos said. “You’re gonna get it more because you’re new.”

“Just remember that you can refuse to answer any questions that make you uncomfortable.” Lando said. 

 “Even the sexist ones?” You asked. Carlos and Lando nodded their heads.

“Especially the sexist ones.” Carlos said.

 “Better yet, I’ll answer them for you in the most ridiculous manner so that way they’ll stop asking you questions like that.” Lando said, making you laugh.

~~~

So many more races. Too many races. How does a Formula One driver get through all these races and have a chance to calm down? You were used to things going fast, but lately you just wanted a chance to slow down and breathe. 

That’s how you found yourself sitting on the floor in an empty VIP room, looking out the window at a mostly empty racetrack. Phone in hand. Staring at the clock that displayed the timezone back at home.

2:00AM. Your parents are definitely asleep right now. It’s not a good time to call them, no matter how much you want to. 

You were so focused on staring at your phone, you didn’t notice that Max had walked in.

“Sadly I don’t think drivers count as VIPs at the races they have to participate in.” Max said as he sat down next to you, a Redbull in his hand.

 “It’s the only place that I can find privacy and some peace and quiet.” You said still staring at your phone.

2:01AM.

You turned your phone off and let out a sigh, placing it down next to you.

 “Something the matter?” Max asked. You hesitated. You didn’t want to burden a 3-time World Champion with your upset thoughts, that was for your non-existent therapist. But then again, maybe talking to someone who has been in your position before may make you feel a bit better.

“I haven’t found a good time to call my parents since the start of the season.” You said. “They were able to make it to my first race, which was amazing. I was really glad they could come…but with so many races on the calendar, it’s hard for them to come to all of them, and all the changing time zones makes it hard to find a good time to call them.” You told him. “I miss talking to them.”

Max looked at you, took in how you were hugging your knees. Max sometimes forgets that you're now the youngest driver on the grid. On the track he sees you as competition, but now he sees you as the overwhelmed rookie that you looked like right now.

“I understand what you're feeling. It does get overwhelming a lot of times.” He said. You turned to him.

 “How do you deal with it?”

“No matter what country we are in, I try to find a day or time where I can get the farthest away from being a race car driver. A spot that’s farthest away from the track where I’m not “Max Verstappen, The Red Bull Driver”, but just “Max”.” He said.

 “Don’t you get recognized wherever you go?” You asked

“Absolutely. But being away from the track, even for an hour, makes me less overwhelmed. And in regards to wanting to talk to your parents, yes finding a time to communicate is hard, but sometimes you just have to throw timezones out the window and call your parents. Even if you can only talk to them for five minutes, it’s still five minutes that you get to talk to them.” Max explained. 

You thought about what Max said. It would make you feel a bit guilty, waking your parents up in the middle of the night just because you wanted to talk to them. But at the same time, sometimes they’re the only people that could make you feel better. You looked back down at your phone.

2:05 AM

You’d be ok with just five minutes.

 “I think I’m gonna call my parents.” You said to Max. He smiled and gave you a nod before standing up.

 “I’ll let you have your privacy. But my driver’s room is open if you want to talk about anything except racing.” Max said before leaving the room. You smiled at him before calling your parents.

~~~

Finally you had finished a race with what you thought was a good race result. P6 was your highest placement so far this season and it was something you should be proud of. But even if you thought it was a good result, you knew that people were going to comment that George had gotten P4, placing ahead of you again. To you, it felt like no matter how high you climbed up the grid, if George finished in front of you, your result wasn’t something to be proud of. 

You were knocked out of your thoughts by someone bumping your shoulder. It was Oscar walking alongside you. The fact that he was looking directly at you made you assume the bump was intentional to get your attention.

“Proud of you.” Oscar said. “This was just like that one season of Formula 2 we raced in together.”

You scoffed but smiled.

 “Yea, except I now have the knowledge not to shunt the car into the back of yours.” You said. You spent most of thid race chasing Oscar’s rear wing and were glad that you didn’t do what you had just said.

“That time was an accident. I know you didn’t do it on purpose.” Oscar said. The two of you stopped walking as you got closer to where the podium interviews were taking place. The two of you watched as Charles was getting interviewed about his winning result. 

“So am I gonna see you up on that podium this season?” Oscar asked. You didn’t want to shake your head, but your body acted on instinct. You have been shaking your head a lot these days.

 “That seems unlikely. I haven’t been able to match George’s pace at all and he keeps out qualifying me.” You said. Oscar looked at you confused.

 “What are you on about? You were only 2 seconds off George and that was only because I was in between the two of you.” He said. You sighed.

“Yea but it was still 2 seconds behind George. It doesn’t matter how much time is between the two of us, if I’m behind him that’s all the media is going to care about.” You said. “I’ll never have the pace to pass him.”

“Hey!” Oscar grabbed your shoulders so that you would face him. “You have the pace. You’ve been building it up this whole season. At the start you were what? 10 seconds behind him? Now you’re two. Soon there’s going to be no gap because you’ll be ahead of him at some point. It’s bound to happen.”

Maybe it was the adrenaline finally wearing down, or the fact that Oscar was saying something you had been wanting to hear from your race engineer, or your team princpal, or hell, even it’s something the media should be noticing: that you’re catching up and proving your pace. Oscar’s words were making you feel like you belonged on the grid.

 “You think so?” You asked, needing the confirmation. 

“I know so. Screw what everyone else says.” Oscar said. “Are you proud of your P6?”

 You looked back at your car, then at the car of your teammate’s before your eyes landed back at Charles. You’d be in his spot at some point this season, you just knew it.

 “Yea. I’m proud of myself.”

[hannieehaee]

Hi!! Could you do a fic where Jeonghan is being the menace that he is, but his partner is the only one who can quell him with one look pls? Like he is just super soft w her and always listens cos he’s a simp?

content: simp!jeonghan, established relationship, afab reader, slightly suggestive, etc.

wc: 1156

a/n: this was based on that one scene from nana tour in which jeonghan basically waterboarded mingyu for absolutely no reason (ik he was on a mission but he drenched him ?!\>\£). hope u enjoy <3

masterlist

jeonghan was always known to be a bit of a menace by all his friends.

well, maybe even more than just his friends. after all, there was a reason why he was often called the loki of seventeen by many of his fans.

he was simply a bit unconventional in the ways in which he found entertainment, such as the time in which he berated dokyeom into searching for bugs for them to eat on the streets. he simply had a tendency for bugging his members (out of love, of course), becoming an extra obstacle in their lives just for the fun of it.

now, jeonghan also had a heart of gold and far too much love for his brothers to ever actually cause any harm to them. however, after over a decade of knowing his brothers, he had somehow conditioned them to accept his odd behaviors and simply go along with his shenanigans whenever he felt like acting up.

you, as well as his members, always found great entertainment in his weird behaviors. i mean, it takes a great man to be able to cheat his way through every single game without consequence.

despite finding humor in his ways, you would sometimes have a tendency to put a halt to it. a simple whine of 'hannie!' would have him stopping in his tracks and murmuring against your ear as he whined back but relented at you. what you didn't know, however, was that you were the only person who held this power over jeonghan (even his sister would occasionally fall victim to his menacing ways).

today was one of the many instances in which jeonghan grew bored while at practice, deiciding to wreck havoc just for the hell of it. it was easy for him to spot a victim, – it was usually mingyu – which then lead him to approach him with the illest of intentions. there was never much thinking that went into teasing his members. it was just second nature to him by now. so when he eyed the water bottle in mingyu's hand, even the other members who were standing nearby could see what jeonghan's next move would be.

he was patient with it; engaging in conversation as he usually would as to not draw suspicion. jeonghan realized in that moment that maybe his instincive need to bug mingyu for no reason might be something to look into, but that would come some other day. for now, he wanted a quick laugh.

jeonghan saw his opening the moment mingyu uncapped his bottle and brought it to his lips, taking advantage of his calculated proximity to tilt the end of the bottle in order to drench mingyu's face, causing the man to almost choke on the water he'd been drinking.

as expected, this began a mini war between the two boys, as five minutes later they were both attacking each other with any and every water bottle they could find in their vicinity, even going as far as causing collateral damage to a few of the other members. what jeonghan hadnt planned, however, was a sudden visit from you, who had walked in just as jeonghan squirted yet another water bottle directly at mingyu's face.

"jeonghan!", you scolded as soon as you were in earshot, "leave him alone, you got him all drenched!", you were now standing next to the group, frown on your face as you took in the scene.

"baby? what are you doing here? did you–"

"don't 'baby' me. why are you bugging mingyu again? look at him! he's completely wet."

"i got water in my eye!," whined the tall man, taking advantage of your defense for him.

by now, a few of the members nearby were snickering at the swift turn of events, entertained by not just the water fight but the way in which you immediately sided with mingyu rather than your boyfriend.

"i'm wet too! how do you know he didn't start it?", tried jeonghan, knowing full well that the idea was unconvincing.

"hannie, don't lie to me."

"okay, fine. i got bored, okay? it's just water, baby. it's fine. right, mingyu?"

"dude, you fucked up my hair," mingyu didnt seem truly offended, but more so wanting to feed the flames now that he had an opportunity. jeonghan could tell by the slight smirk on his face.

the frown remained on your face, continuing to come in mingyu's defense for some reason unknown to jeonghan.

"jeonghan, apologize to him."

"what?", his wide and incredulous eyes turned to look at you, ignoring the snort he was pretty sure seungkwan had just let out.

"you heard me."

"but–"

"hannie!"

"f– fine," like a petulant child, jeonghan turned to mingyu and gave him a forced smile, "i'm sorry for getting you wet, gyu."

"than–"

"thank you", you interrupted the man.

jeonghan couldnt help but feel scolded by you. it was rare that you actually ever went against his shenanigans, but he did know he could sometimes go a little extra hard on mingyu due to mingyu's disposition to put up with jeonghan with no complaint (usually even fighting back). he was a bit embarrassed by the way in which you sided with him and even berated him in front of his members, but he also knew he could never say no to you, so apologizing just seemed logical to him.

after a few moments of him whining at his members to mind their business and go get their own girlfriends, he dragged you away to a less polluted corner of the practice room to get some one-on-one with you.

"babyyyy," he immediately pouted at you, proceeding to attaching to you like a bear, burying his head into your neck.

"hannie, you're all wet!", you complained despite making no move to push him away, even wrapping your arm around him and running a hand through his damp hair.

"why'd you have to do that? the boys are supposed to think you're obsessed with me," he frowned against your neck.

despite the whine behind his words, you could feel the vibration of his giggles against you and the smile pressed against your neck. as per usual, he was just whining because he could; something which you always found an endearing result to any rare instance in which you'd scold him.

"they're all gonna think im a simp now," he continued.

you giggled at that, causing him to sway you back and forth as he buried himself even deeper against you.

"are you not?", you inquired.

"i am, but they dont need to know that!"

"you're so annoying ..."

"yeah, but you find it fun, don't you?"

"im not at liberty of releasing that information."

he laughed against your neck, reaffirming to himself how much he liked the back and forth between the two of you, even if it meant relenting to you every single time, earning himself the title of simp among his members.

[liketolaugh-writes]

Sick Day Once A Year

I might be too much in love with the Death Echoes trope. So, have a whole bunch of Bruce taking care of Danny. It's basically a sickfic with extra hurt/comfort.

It takes place in the same verse as More Like Home but probably won't happen until after the plot of that fic is done. At this point, Danny has been living with Bruce for a little under a year.

-----

At noon, Alfred called Bruce to ask him to come home early. Bruce turned around and walked out of the board meeting without even looking at anyone, but did throw a distracted 'family emergency!' over his shoulder. He might have carefully cultivated his airheaded Brucie persona, but even then people knew that he took his kids seriously.

He ignored the board member that grumbled 'enough fucking family to have an emergency every day if he wants.'

"What is it, Alfred?" Bruce asked, once he was clear of the board room and in the elevator. Calm. Calm. No running. Brucie doesn't run.

"Master Danny declined to specify the nature of his sick day this morning," Alfred said, in a dry tone that didn't do a bit to hide the worry underneath it. "Apparently the anniversary of one's death is rather... physically harrowing for a ghost. He's admitted that he'd like to have you here."

But of course he hadn't asked for it, because that would require bringing up what he was. Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Ten minutes at most."

"I'll let him know. Come prepared to spend several hours in his room, if not the rest of the day. He indicated that he may be well enough to eat by eight or nine o'clock, but even then..."

Meaning he expected to be debilitated until then. "Understood. Should I bring anything?"

"He's not aware of anything that will help, but some topical analgesic might be of use. I will see if I can find anything else to try."

"He's in pain?" Bruce's brow furrowed. Alfred hesitated before answering, which made Bruce's heart sink.

"He is... physically reliving his death, he says, and will be for most of the day. He is in quite a bit of pain."

"These kids will be the death of me," Bruce muttered. Danny hadn't even hinted at anything like this when he asked for the day off. Bruce made a mental note to keep him off patrol the next night as well. The elevator stopped, and he took off at as quick a walk as he dared. "I'll be there in ten."

"Yes, Master Bruce." Alfred hung up, hopefully to return to Danny.

On the way, he collected a few items that seemed promising: IcyHot cream in the strongest available formula, both heat and cold packs, a variety of compression bandages, and some muscle relaxers from the Batcave infirmary.

Bruce knocked on Danny's door. Cool air drifting out of it indicated either Danny or Alfred had turned the thermostat down lower than usual. Fortunately, Bruce had grabbed a jacket just in case.

"'M in," Danny mumbled, barely loud enough for Bruce to make out.

He pushed the door open and was unsurprised to see Alfred seated beside a miserable-looking Danny. He was surprised to see Danny in ghost form, as it wasn't a form he typically spent recreational time in, particularly when he was unwell. Perhaps it made the ordeal easier. Danny was curled up in his bed, on top of the covers, with his jumpsuit removed and a set of soft pajamas in its place. Alfred was running one hand through Danny's soft white hair, slow and comforting, while his other held one of Danny's.

"Hey, chum," Bruce called out quietly, drawing Danny's attention to him. "Heard you're hurting today." Danny hummed unhappily instead of denying it, which was concerning. "Think you'll be able to eat anything for lunch? Applesauce, bone broth, yogurt? Maybe with ectoplasm?" Danny didn't seem to have any intention of leaving ghost form.

Danny started to shake his head, but stopped to consider when Bruce brought up the last point. "Applesauce and ectoplasm," he mumbled. "Maybe. Nothing after like, two, though."

Alfred gave Bruce a warm smile and gently extracted himself from Danny. "I will see to it," he promised. "Do you need anything else, Master Danny? Master Bruce?"

Danny shook his head mutely, and Bruce said, "I'll text you an update once we've tried these." He hefted the bag he was holding. "If you could bring me lunch when you can, I'd appreciate it."

"Of course," Alfred promised. "I hope you feel better, Master Danny."

"Thanks, Alfie."

Alfred left, shutting the door gently behind him, and Bruce took his place, setting the bag at his feet for now. Danny didn't stir from his leaden sprawl, not even to lift his head.

"You didn't have to leave work, y'know," Danny mumbled, half into the pillow. "I'll be okay."

He didn't apologize, Bruce noted. That was progress. "I know I didn't have to. But someone should be here with you."

"I don't-" Danny choked, his hands squeezing into fists as his whole body shuddered and jerked as if tased. Danny panted through the spasm, his whole body rigid, and when it was over he slumped down and let out a weak moan of pain, making no attempt to continue arguing. It took Bruce a moment to remember to breathe, reminding himself forcefully that this was no attack.

"I brought you some stuff," Bruce said, softer. Danny grunted in discontent. Bruce leaned down and opened the bag anyway. "IcyHot lidocaine cream and muscle relaxers." Danny shook his head without looking. Bruce wasn't surprised. He hadn't realized Danny was in ghost form. "Both heat and cold packs." Danny hummed in mild interest but didn't open his eyes. "And compression bandages."

Danny blinked his eyes open to consider them. His usually neon eyes looked dull. "Worth a try," he muttered after a moment.

Good. Something was better than nothing. "Do you need help sitting up?"

Danny's mouth quirked in a dry smile. "Not yet."

He pushed himself up with a grunt, and shrugged off his pajama shirt with intangibility rather than lift his arms. Bruce had to suppress an immediate and visceral reaction to the glowing lines that coiled up his left arm, which he had only gotten glimpses of before; a telltale Lichtenberg permanently etched onto Danny's ghost form. In contrast to the rest of him, which had dimmed to about the light of a glowstick, the Lichtenburg mark was painfully bright.

"Where do you want these?" Bruce asked, lifting one of the rolls of elastic bandaging. Danny cocked his head and considered it. Then he gestured silently, indicating his left arm from his wrist to his shoulder, and twisted to give Bruce access. With the ease of long practice, Bruce started to wrap it. "Anything I should expect?"

Danny watched him unroll the bandages for a minute, around and around, getting halfway up Danny's forearm before he answered. "The pain comes in waves. They'll keep getting longer, more severe, and closer together until around four, and then they'll die down completely about two hours after that." He paused, watching Bruce loosen the bandages around his elbow before moving on. "It won't ever get as bad as actually dying, but it's still pretty bad. And I'll be really emotional for a lot of it, especially when it hits peak."

"When are you not." The words were out before Bruce could think twice about them. Fortunately, Danny laughed, tired but genuine.

"You've got me there. How many rolls of bandages do you have?"

"I brought three. Alfred can obtain more if necessary." Pretty bad, Danny said. Bruce had no desire to experience pain that Danny described as 'pretty bad.' His tolerance was high even for their family.

Danny shook his head. "That should be okay. Can you do my back too?"

"Yes, but I'll need to be closer." Danny scooted to make room, and Bruce shifted to sit next to him, then tapped a spot low on Danny's spine. "Starting here?" Danny nodded. "Alright. Is there anything else I should know?"

Thankfully, Danny seemed to genuinely think about it, but eventually he shook his head. "I've only had two of these," he reminded Bruce. "There's more stuff I don't know, probably."

Ah yes, a frustrating constant. The elusive nature of comprehensive information about ghosts. Even Constantine had large gaps in his knowledge, which Bruce would grudgingly admit was rare for the man. This? This was definitely not in the introductory handbook. Was Bruce now obligated to share information in return? Hn.

Danny squinted at him. "What did Constantine do now?" he asked.

"Constantine."

"You have a very distinct 'thinking about Constantine' face."

"Hn."

Danny smiled briefly, then yelped, curling up like a bug and accidentally dislodging Bruce's grip on the bandaging. Instinctively, Bruce tucked Danny against his side, and Danny shook and twitched against him, a desperate whine tearing itself free as Danny rode out the wave of pain. Bruce all but held his breath until Danny finally slumped again, breathing heavily. His chill crept through the jacket Bruce had slipped on before coming in.

"Ready to keep going?" Bruce prodded, once Danny's breath evened out. Danny laid there for another few seconds, then nodded and pushed himself upright with a wince. Bruce picked up the dropped end of the bandage, tightened what had come loose, and kept going. "You're sore?"

"Ha." Danny lifted his arms slightly, enough to make room for Bruce to work. Bruce shifted and encouraged Danny to rest his arms on Bruce's shoulders, and Danny did, leaning against him. "Yeah, I wake up pretty achy already, even though I don't start getting spasms until ten. Just to make sure I have a really miserable day."

Uncharacteristically bitter, Bruce noted, but unsurprising under the circumstances. He didn't comment. "Remarkably, we don't currently possess any upper back bandages. I'll ask Alfred to retrieve one if you're happy with the results. We do have shoulder and wrist bandages." Bruce finished wrapping Danny's torso but didn't pull away.

Danny turned his head to squint at the bandages peeking out of the bag. "Why'd you bring so many?"

"I know how you died," Bruce reminded Danny evenly. Electrocution implied muscle pain, and Bruce had suspected his left arm would take the brunt of it. Danny shuddered, a natural one this time, and pressed himself against Bruce for comfort. Bruce dropped an arm around his back, holding him. A minute or two passed, and then Danny pulled away with a sigh.

"Okay."

Right, yes. More compression bandages. These went by much faster, simply needing to be strapped on, and soon Danny's hand and shoulder had joined his left arm and mid-back in compression. He seemed satisfied with that and laid back down on the bed, somewhat more relaxed than when Bruce had first come back in. Bruce hesitated, then shifted closer again and set his hand on Danny's upper back, carefully trying to smooth out the painful knots that had developed there. Danny 'mm'ed softly but didn't otherwise react.

Alfred knocked on the door, and Bruce called him inside when Danny made no move to. Alfred pushed open the door and brought in two plates, one for Danny and one for Bruce. Bruce accepted his with a nod.

"Thank you, Alfred," Bruce said quietly. "Danny, are you up to eating?"

Danny didn't answer at first, but then shifted around to glower half-heartedly at the bowl Alfred had brought. Then he buried his face in Bruce's arm, grumbling, and Bruce's mouth twitched in amusement. It disappeared when another tremor wracked Danny's body, and the young teen bleated in pain, his grip tightening painfully.

Bruce forced himself to breathe evenly this time, and massaged Danny's hand with his own, pressing through the thick bandage. Danny slumped, panting, and with care, Bruce shifted his hand to massage all the way up Danny's arm, coaxing the tension out of the muscles there until he reached Danny's shoulder, skipped past the compression bandage, and pressed his fingers into Danny's back. Danny didn't say anything, but he pressed into Bruce gratefully and stayed relaxed. Somehow, still, Bruce was startled when Alfred joined him, cupping Danny's temple in one hand.

"Master Danny?" Alfred coaxed, more firmly than Bruce had. "Can you stomach some applesauce?" Danny whined, a softer-toned protest than the low keens of pain he'd let slip. "I know, but you will feel worse if you don't eat anything. I don't think you want that."

Danny grumbled something that sounded like 'no' and acquiesced, allowing himself to be propped up just enough to poke the glowing applesauce with a spoon. He brightened a little at the reminder that Alfred had added ectoplasm, and started to eat. Bruce followed his example and worked quickly through his sandwich.

"I see you're making good use of our extensive collection of medical garments," Alfred said to Bruce, making Bruce snort quietly. "Will you be needing anything else?"

"If he's satisfied with the improvement from these, we'll need one for his upper back as well," Bruce said. "I'll let you know."

"Perhaps after this, the collection will be complete."

Danny got through about half the applesauce before he pushed it away, and Bruce set it on a clear spot on his nightstand before Alfred could pick it up. He glanced up at the butler. "I'll see if I can coax more of this into him later."

Alfred gave him a small smile. "Very well. I'll check in later to see how the two of you are doing."

Bruce nodded, and Alfred left to attend to the manor. Bruce turned his attention back to Danny and considered him. He had a few more questions - why Danny was staying in ghost form, if there were any physical effects from this - but nothing that couldn't wait until Danny was less ill. He picked up his tablet instead. "Would you like me to read to you?"

Danny tilted his head up to look at him, then nodded. It was barely twelve thirty and he already looked exhausted, pale even for his ghost form and cradling his left arm protectively. Bruce hoped he'd be able to sleep at some point, but that seemed unlikely until the pain had passed, which apparently would not be for hours.

Bruce picked up his tablet and quickly downloaded a book. Danny had mentioned wanting to read 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' a few times, but hadn't gotten around to it yet. "The story so far: in the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

Danny snickered softly.

As always, reading to his kids made time pass a little faster. It also gave him easy access to the digital clock, and with the note function innate to the Kindle app, he could keep track of the time and Danny's progressing condition, most importantly the interval between spasms and the relative severity of the pain.

After half an hour, he noted that the current interval period was about twelve minutes and asked Danny, "Are the compression bandages helping as much as desired?"

Danny nodded. He'd pulled a thin blanket over himself after a while, mainly for comfort, and his hold on his left arm was still loose enough that Bruce believed it was more psychological than physical for the moment. "Hurts less when I can't jerk around so much. One for my upper back would be good. The shoulder one isn't quite cutting it." He made a face.

Bruce shot off a text to let Alfred know. "Anything else you want?"

Danny wrinkled his nose. "Heat pack?" he asked, softer and more tentative, as if there was anything Bruce would say no to right now.

And that was simple enough. Bruce activated one of the handheld heating packs and handed it to Danny, who shuffled around a little before putting it on his neck, by the junction of his shoulder. Bruce picked his tablet back up and continued reading.

Alfred returned about twenty minutes later with the requested bandage, and Danny didn't protest when Bruce went to help him sit up. He wasn't weakened, Bruce judged after a minute, but there was a minute tremble in his muscles that indicated the pain was ramping up even outside of the periodic spasms.

Bruce helped him get the new compression bandage on, and then paused to smooth out some of the building tension there. Danny leaned in gratefully - he was much more physically affectionate than most of Bruce's children, he'd come to realize, except perhaps Cass and Dick. Bruce kept an eye on the clock, and made sure to get Danny down before the next spasm hit. Danny groaned, the sound drawn-out and wavering unhappily, and clung to Bruce through it before falling into a shivering, panting slump.

Alfred ran his fingers through Danny's hair, nodded to Bruce, and left quietly, as harried as ever when one of the kids was suffering.

"You happy like this, chum, or do you want to lay back how you were?" Bruce asked Danny quietly. Danny grunted, then squirmed further into Bruce's lap. It was a little eerie, Danny being so light and cold in this form that Bruce could have mistaken him for a lap full of snow, but it made Bruce smile for a moment. "Alright."

He settled down and picked up his tablet to resume reading, noting the time and event before he continued.

A part of Bruce, a not-so-small part, was furious that Danny had meant to handle this alone, without anything to even try to ease the pain; it reminded him of when nine-year-old Tim had caught a bad strain of flu, and how confused he had been when Alfred insisted on him staying at Wayne Manor to be cared for. This might not have been particularly dangerous, it was true, but Danny was miserable now and only promised to get more so through the day.

He wondered briefly how Danny had spent the previous two such events. Certainly not with his parents, there being no human explanation for this. Could he even be home for it, in the comfort of his own room, or did he have to go elsewhere? Had he been alone for either of them? It unfortunately seemed likely, especially if he hadn't known about it in advance the first time.

Even with the bandages stabilizing half his upper body, Danny's groans and whines slowly progressed into low keens of pain, and he started to clutch at himself through each one, gasping for breath like it was the only thing that would bring him comfort. Bruce shifted so one of his hands rested on Danny's shoulder, where a gap between the shoulder and upper back bandages seemed to be creating a sharp spot of pain that Danny kept trying to get at. He massaged it carefully without looking away from the tablet, and Danny relaxed a little, panting.

At two thirty, Danny started to cry, exhausted tears shining on his cheeks and faint, breathy sobs following each spasm. At three, Bruce noted that the interval had decreased to six minutes, then set the tablet aside and transferred his attention to comforting Danny.

"How are you feeling, chum?" he asked quietly.

"Hurts, God, it hurts," Danny choked out, trembling like a leaf and his better hand clamping down on his shoulder again. "'S so cold, Bruce. It's in my bones. Shouldn' be in me."

Cold. Ectoplasm? Bruce wasn't sure. Danny had never described his accident at length. "Heat pack?"

Danny nodded jerkily, so Bruce leaned forward, careful not to jostle him, and grabbed a few. He lifted the blanket enough to place one on Danny's upper back and one on his lower, then noted the time and the request. If this was indeed a yearly event, a thought that made his blood boil, they'd need to be better prepared for it next year.

A stray thought crossed Bruce's mind. Did this happen to Jason as well? Jason had never referenced anything of the sort, but he also knew that Jason never went out on the anniversary of his death. Bruce would know; he'd specifically looked out for him the first few years, before the habit became apparent, and still kept half an eye out since.

Danny cried out, no longer making any effort to muffle the noise, and seized and jerked through another long episode. Bruce counted silently. Up to thirty-three seconds. When it was over, he sobbed and curled closer to Bruce.

"Why'd they have to build that stupid portal?" Danny choked out. Bruce ruthlessly clamped down on another wave of rage at the eldest Fentons. "God. A-ah. This sucks. I wanna go to bed. I want it to be over." His voice cracked.

Sleeping pills, or a sedative? They wouldn't work on Danny's ghost form either, but depending on why he wasn't reverting to human, they could try to get him to sleep through as much of the day as possible. Something to discuss later on. "It's 3:16." Danny whined in protest. "I've got you. What hurts the most?" He checked on the heat pack by Danny's neck, making sure it was still in place.

"My chest hurts," Danny sobbed quietly, his face wet with tears. "My heart is stopping."

Unfortunately, Bruce couldn't help with that. He set his hand on Danny's chest anyway, and Danny reached up and clutched at it, apparently finding comfort in the futile gesture all the same. Even his hand trembled.

"'M scared, B," Danny confessed after another minute, almost too quiet to hear. Bruce's chest tightened, and he breathed through another wave of frustration and hatred before he could soften his voice enough to reply.

"You're going to be fine, Danny. You'll be in pain for a few more hours, but that's all it is."

"'M already dead," Danny murmured. From inflection, Bruce deduced that it was meant to be self-soothing.

Bruce's throat ached. "...Yes."

At four o'clock, the interval dropped to two minutes, counting from the end of one spasm to the start of the next. It barely gave Danny time to breathe, and he tossed and turned until Bruce moved both of them so Danny could sit up and hold onto him, crying into his shoulder. Danny held on with bruising force - and no more, as careful as Clark even now - and jerked, hands tightening and loosening in Bruce's jacket with the ebb and flow of relived pain.

You did this to him, Bruce thought at the elder Fentons, more than once.

At exactly 4:36 - Bruce was keeping as close an eye on the clock as he could manage - Danny screamed. Bruce immediately recognized the sound from an echo audible in his Ghostly Wail. Bruce's jacket tore under Danny's hands, and a horrible, quaking tremor seized Danny in an unmistakably fatal grip. Bruce counted the seconds and held Danny too tightly for him to accidentally shake himself loose.

Forty-six seconds. That was how long the worst spasm held him. Bruce assumed that was also how long it had taken Danny to die.

In contrast to the other times, when it finally released him, Danny pressed in closer instead of loosening his grip, and sobbed hysterically.

"No, no," Danny choked out, and "Please, I don't wanna-" and "Dad, Dad."

What did you say after something like that?

"I've got you," Bruce settled on. "You're safe. You're with me."

Danny calmed down slowly, sobs dying down into heaving breaths and then into a deep but labored rhythm that closely matched Bruce's but seemed to take much more effort. The next spasm that hit was much lighter, lasting only eighteen seconds, but it still sent Danny into renewed shudders and tears, holding on tightly.

When Danny seemed calm enough, Bruce shifted him enough so that Bruce could hold him in one arm, then pulled his tablet back over and logged the time of death, length of the accompanying fit, and what had followed. Interval immediately increased back to more than ten minutes (Bruce had unfortunately missed the precise time) and period decreased to eighteen seconds.

Danny set his head on Bruce's shoulder.

After that, things got much easier. At 5:15, Danny removed himself from Bruce's lap to lay down. He removed all of the heat packs and passed them to Bruce, but kept the compression bandages on. He didn't reach for the blanket but hummed gratefully when Bruce pulled it over him anyway, and Bruce sat on the floor beside him and debated returning to reading aloud.

"Whoa. You two look wiped."

Bruce looked up. Duke had opened the door to talk to them, probably too worried by what he'd seen through the door to remember to knock first, and his expression was pinched with worry. "Duke. Anything on patrol?"

"Uh, some movement I'll tattle to Jason about, but nothing big." He studied them with concern. "How's Danny doing? I didn't realize he was this sick."

Hm. Had Alfred declined to explain what had happened? Bruce glanced at Danny as the teenager hummed unhappily, but Danny didn't say anything else, so Bruce provided, "He's had a long day. I expect he'll go to sleep soon. We'll debrief tomorrow."

"Debrief?" Duke frowned at him, understanding immediately that there was more than what he'd been told, but then he glanced at Danny and just nodded. "Alright. Feel better soon, Danny. Get some rest, okay? I'll let Alfred know how you're doing."

Danny's hum this time was more positive.

At 5:30, Danny fell asleep. At 5:45, Dick came in to check on them and left once he'd come to look at Danny's sleeping (calm) face, and at 6:15, Cass came in with a plate of food for Bruce and a few granola bars for Danny. For when he wakes up, she signed.

A little while after 6:30, Bruce fell asleep without meaning to.

[theredmonsterlover]

The Monster under the Bed

MDNI, this is smut, 18+ only. Reader is AFAB, nongendered. CW: monsterfucking, cnc/dubcon, intox off of monster power, ovipositor, breeding via egg laying.

~*~*~

Your mother had always told you tales of the Monster under the bed. Warned you to never let your leg dangle put from under the blankets, nor to dare and let a limb hang off the bed. Swore that the monster would draw you into its realm and keep you there forever.

Yet, in the late summer heat that hadn't let up in days, you weren't thinking about the monster under the bed as you layed flat on your stomach. You hadn't thought about that since you were a child. Instead, all you could think of was the intense need for relief from the oppressive humidity as you stuck your foot out from under the blankets.

Maybe if you had remembered your mother's tales, you would have been better prepared for the fact that a hand wrapped around your ankle a moment later. You lived alone, but strange things happened in the city. You had a moment of blinding panic before suddenly your whole body relaxed.

A cool, tingling sensation ran across your skin as claws circled your ankle. It was such a sweet relief that your brain stopped trying to process what was happening as you felt your body be slowly dragged down the bed until your legs hung off the edge completely. Your hips snuggly pressed into the mattress, a distant thought reminding you about the lack of clothing you had decided on for bed.

"What have we here?" Oh, that was a voice that sounded so nice. You had a feeling that if you were in a right state of mind that you would have found it akin to sandpaper, but presently it sounded like the crackle of a warm fire. Fire that seemed to melt your insides yet cool your skin. It left you in a state of bliss as you felt its long, thin fingers begin to roam over your skin.

It took its time as you sank into the touch. It felt so wonderful, leaving a pleasant hum in your blood. Each touch seemed to be patient, gentle, yet it was firm and tested for boundaries. "My, it has been some time since I had a human. Might I try you?"

Your eyes fluttered and you let out a soft groan into the mattress. It massaged into muscles you didn't know had an ache, and left you pliant under each passing touch. It may as well have turned you into a puddle for all the fight you had in you. "Yes," You managed to find the words as sank further into the bed.

There was a rumble of laughter that would have made you quake in fear if you had heard it before you felt its touch, but now? You just found yourself excited at the prospect of what it meant when it said that it wanted to try you.

"Such an eager toy," it commented, and the words made you want to preen. Though, your brain couldn't quite figure out why. Not that it cared to as two hands slowly pulled your legs apart, and another set of hands spread your cheeks.

From the way your face was resting on the mattress, you couldn't see behind you. No matter how badly you wanted to look, you couldn't find yourself able to. Not a single ounce of will power existed in your relaxed body. You had fully given in to this monster, and there wasn't much that you could do, even if you had wanted to.

Not when it slowly used it's long fingers to slip between your lips, before it found that point that had you letting out a muffled groan. It let out a noise of awe as it began to toy with you more. It seemed to be engulfed in your body as it drew its fingers over your clit time and time again. It seemed to like your pleasure, enjoyed the way that your body was putty in its hands.

The pleasure was mounting, and for a moment, you thought you'd climax then and there on its fingers. Except, it let out a little noise that seemed to be a click of the tongue. "Such a good toy, let's not have this end so soon."

Suddenly, you were aware that the monster had more of a form than just arms and hands. A third set of hands found your body. One settled between your shoulder blades and pinned you to the bed, while the other fisted in your hair and tugged your head to the side. It would have been painful, if you weren't so lost in the lust and found the pain to just add to the pleasure.

That, and you could feel the large chest of the beast as it hovered over your body. You felt so small and frail in comparison. Especially as its tongue ran along the edge of your exposed neck. "You want me to keep playing with you, don't you?"

A whimper left your throat and you nodded like your life depended on it. How could you want it to stop when you had never felt this good in your whole life. "Good. Then be a good toy for me," it hissed before it's teeth found your throat and dug in. Somehow, the pleasure mounted, but it did not peak. It kept building, growing, but it never hit that crescendo as the monster buried its teeth into your neck.

You burned in a way that had nothing to do with the heat. You rocked your hips back, and wordlessly pleaded for more. It shushed you and continued to explore your body. Your legs now held in place by its own, which left its other hands free to explore. To find more places to draw pleasure from your body. To knead and press and pull at your chest as you let out pathetic noises of desire.

It had you exactly where it wanted you. Pinned under its weight and a writhing mess of desire. It fed off that deep-seated need for more. Drank in your lust, and slowly let go of its hold on your throat. Yet, even as it continued to play with you, you couldn't finish.

"Hush. We're almost there. I want you nice and ready. Trust me, you want to be a good little toy, right?" There was nothing you wanted more than to be a good little toy. You wanted to please it so badly that you thought you might go insane. Or perhaps you already had since you were letting the monster from under your bed fuck you.

It slowly dipped a finger inside of you and marveled at the way your entire body trembled. The way you whined and moaned as it tested what made your pleasure spike most. A breath of laughter ran along your neck as it added a second finger, then quickly a third to keep your mind pleasantly clouded.

"There we go. Such a good pet for me. I think you'll quite enjoy this." Seeing as you had already enjoyed everything else, you nodded blindly into the bed. You were so close, so very close, and just wanted to find that point of release. You'd do anything to be allowed.

"Anything?"

Oh, you must have spoke aloud without even realizing. "Anything," You cried out.

"Perfect," without any further notice, it withdrew its fingers from within and left you feeling empty and gaping.

Before you could so much as register that you were empty, you felt the monster shift. Its chest pressed into your back and grabbed hold of your hips. It lifted them slightly so that you toes were all that could touch the floor. Then, you felt it.

It was certainly larger than the three fingers that had been inside you, possibly larger than anything you had ever taken. You gasped as it pressed closer, and somehow began to slip inside of you.

Your walls were pushed to a point you hadn't known was possible as you were forced to accommodate the monster as it buried itself inside of you. It didn't tear into you, just kept a slow, relentless pace until it seemed to be fully sheathed. Or at least, as fully sheathed as it could be considering the head was brushing against your cervix.

Except, instead of pulling out and thrusting back in, it kept pushing forward. There was a pulse of pain that mingled with the pleasure, and then, oh fuck. You were suddenly reminded that this was a monster that was fucking you as its head seemed to split into four points. Each one embedded itself into your cervix and began to pull back.

You were breathless and tears pooled in your eyes as you felt your cervix give way under the monster's strength. And with a sudden popping sensation, the monster sunk even further into you. It was fucking your womb, and that thought was already enough to have your mind spinning.

Of course, that wasn't enough for the monster. "Perfect. Such a perfect little toy for me. I had no idea I'd be so lucky as to find an incubator tonight." Your brain couldn't comprehend what that meant. Not as it began to paw at your body again. It stroked your clit, toyed with your chest, and kept thrusting in a way that lit your nerves on fire with desire.

You were so blissed out, you almost didn't feel it at first. The way that your body suddenly had to accommodate something wider. Something of a round shape that began to slide past your entrance and further inside. Something that set off a soft warning bell in the back of your mind.

"Wha-" you broke off in a whine as it pushed past your cervix and was dumped inside your womb. Pleasure exploded through your body and you shook with it as a second, then a third egg passed into you. Not that your mind could comprehend that those were eggs, not when your body was having such a high from your orgasm.

By the time the monster had pulled out, you were limp and trembling on the bed. Slick with sweat, but no longer feeling the humidity. Fingers ran through your hair and perhaps you shouldn't have leaned into the affectionate feeling touch.

"Such a pretty little toy. You'll do very nicely," your monster whispered before it yanked you off the bed and dragged you under. Into its realm just like your mother had warned.

[moonstruckme]

Hey so i have a request and you can totally say no if this makes you uncomfortable but would you consider writing a poly marauders x reader where the readers depressed and can’t get anything done im asking cause I’ve been. Going through something and i thought id be okay by now but I’ve kinda regressed idk and now im depressed idk pls don’t write this if its to hard or upsetting

Thank you for your request lovely, I really hope things are getting easier for you or that they do soon <3

cw: depression

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 981 words

You realize the boys must be home when Remus crouches in front of you. You hadn’t heard the car come up the driveway, nor the door opening. You were too deep inside your own head. Or maybe you’d drifted off into another of your light, unsatisfying sleeps. 

“Hi.” He offers you a little smile, putting out his hand. You worm yours out from under your blanket to give it to him, and he rubs his thumb across your knuckles fondly. “How was your day, lovely?” 

“Fine,” you say. Your voice rasps a bit from disuse. 

“I’m opening the curtains,” James warns from somewhere behind you. “Here, take these.” 

Sirius’ grunt sounds surprised. “Since when is carrying in the groceries a relay sport?” he complains. 

True to James’ word, light floods the living room a moment later. It illuminates Remus’ face in front of you, letting you see the gentle concern in his eyes. His gaze moves up above your head just before strong hands grasp you by the shoulders. 

“I missed you,” says James, hugging downwards at you until he gives up and lets his body flop over the back of the couch, “so much, today.” 

You pet down the hair at his nape, love like a bubble in your chest that’s always on the brink of popping. You love the way James hugs; it’s like he really is trying to feel as close to you as he can be, with his face bent towards your neck and one hand splayed behind your heart. You let yourself meld to him. Remus starts collecting your little mess from the coffee table, taking things into the kitchen.

“It was only a few hours,” you say. 

James makes a jokey harrumphing sound. “A few hours too many.” He lets you go to plant a smacking kiss on your cheek. “If you could have one thing for dinner tonight, what would it be?” 

“I thought we agreed to stop playing that game,” says Sirius, coming back in to sit down on the armrest of the couch. He sees where you’re toying with James’ hair and takes a lock between his own fingers. “You need a haircut, Jamie.” 

“You’re one to talk,” James quips, though he leans into the touch, always more than happy to have his hair played with. “And we only agreed to stop playing with you, because your expectations were too high.” 

“They were not.” 

“Why would you think we’d be able to get what we needed for escargot at our corner shop?” 

“If you didn’t want to know what I actually wanted, you shouldn’t have asked.” 

“Anyway,” James turns back to you, “what would you have, lovie?” 

“And before you say,” says Sirius, “the correct answer is tomato basil soup with a cheese toastie.”

James sulks, thwarted, and you stroke your thumb over his nape consolingly. “That sounds really lovely,” you say earnestly. “Was I really supposed to guess that on my own, though?” 

“You might’ve,” he mumbles. “Anyway, I was thinking you could be my soup stirrer. If you’re up for the task.” 

It’s an odd feeling, affection and guilt intertwined so well you can’t fully tell which is which. You know James is making a point of asking you so that you might come to the kitchen, be among them for a bit instead of staying off in your own world, do a task that makes you feel productive even if it’s small. You appreciate that he does it, and you loathe yourself for making him feel the need to. You wish your boyfriends wouldn’t coddle you not because you don’t like it but because you like it too much. You don’t deserve it. 

“Hey.” Sirius’ voice draws you back out from inside your head again. It’s become such a frequent haunt you don’t always realize you’re going anymore. He’s studying you. “You okay?” 

You hum as Remus comes back in, sitting on the now clean coffee table. “Thanks for doing that,” you murmur. His eyebrows lift slightly when he realizes you’re talking to him. “Sorry I left a mess.” 

Remus tsks, reaching forward to brush a piece of hair from your forehead. “It wasn’t really a mess,” he says. “I don’t mind. Are you going to help us with dinner?” 

“Yeah.” It’s not so much a decision as a yielding, but James beams like you’ve made his day. It makes you want to cry. 

Sirius wraps an arm around your waist as you go to the kitchen, squeezing the fat of your hip lovingly. “Think I’ll take up the duty of stirring the soup, too,” he says to you. “Seems like a two-person job.” 

“Probably, yeah.” You let yourself lean into his side. He takes your weight happily, mushing a kiss into your hair. “Sorry I’m so lame lately,” you tell him quietly. “You guys don’t need to coddle me so much.” 

“You’re not lame, who said that?” Sirius jostles you a little bit. When you don’t laugh, he changes his approach, leaning his head against yours. “We’re not coddling you, sweetheart. You’re just in a rut right now, yeah? And we’re meeting you where you’re at.” 

He makes it sound so simple, but your throat clogs with the true difficulty of it all. When you reply your voice is thick. “But I don’t know if I’ll be able to get out.” 

“You will,” he promises surely. “I don’t know how long it might take, but it’ll happen. And if whatever we’re doing isn’t working for you, we can figure something else out, okay? We’re with you.” 

When James says it’s your time to stir, Sirius insists on standing behind you and holding your hand that’s holding the spoon. Remus rolls his eyes at the idea of it being a two-person job, but you don’t know. You think maybe it takes all four of you to make it work.

[achilles-rage]

NSFW Alphabet

word count: 2.0k

A/N: hi besties<333 this is my first time writing so pls don’t absolutely tear me to shreds (just a little bit is acceptable though). i’m planning on making a SFW alphabet for buck soon as well but some of the letters had me drawing a blank lol. also, although there’s not really much mention of it, this is with a plus size reader in mind. as a plus size girly myself, it sucks to read x reader stories and knowing in the back of your mind that it wasn’t written with your body type in mind (although there’s nothing wrong with writers that do that of course). i just thought i would add to the plus size reader community because there are barely any buck fics and i believe in my heart that he loves plus size women. anyway, enjoy <3

warnings: smut (obviously lol), no use of y/n, fem!reader, plus size!reader, race inclusive!reader

MDNI- 18+ Only

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

When y’all finish he’ll wait a few minutes before pulling out, head buried in your neck as his breathing gets back to normal. He’ll kiss your neck and tell you how good you were for him, before finally getting up to clean you up. After that he wants to lay with you and talk, just enjoying each other’s company, maybe y’all will make some food if you feel like it.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: Probably his arms. He’s worked hard to be as fit as he is and he enjoys using his arms to move you/lift you while you’re having sex. He takes pride in his appearance, he knows he’s hot, but it’s an added bonus that he can lift you up and do whatever he (or you) wants.

Yours: I am of the firm belief that Evan Buckley is a thigh man. He loves how they feel in his hands, he loves how they look when you straddle him, he can’t get enough. He loves to see them jiggle when you move, or when he playfully smacks them. He loves thick thighs and I will die on this hill

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

This man has a BREEDING KINK OKAY!!! He loves to cum inside you, fucking deep into you and feeling his cum fill you up. He loves watching it slowly dripping out, so he can finger it back in. If that’s not your thing I think the next best place would be on your stomach, watching your face as he lets go, seeing the way he marks you up. He loves your little tummy, how it moves as he ruts into you, so he loves it when you let him cum all over it.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I only call this a dirty secret because he would never tell anyone about this after the last time it happened and he got fired. He wants to fuck you in the fire engine SO BAD. He can’t help but think of the way you would look as he fucked into you quickly, trying not to get caught with your dress up around your waist. He knows it’s not gonna happen, he’d never hear the end of it from anyone in his life if it did, but god he wants to so bad.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Girl have we watched the same show?? This man FUCKS!!! We all know (and love) Buck 1.0, and we know he knows what to do. Buck 3.0 might mean him changing into, well, not a sex addict, but that doesn’t mean he forgot his training (🫡). I think he understands that every woman is different, and while he might not get it exactly right the first time, he’s a fast and eager learner, watching what exactly makes you squirm and moan the most for him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Canonically, Buck LOVES when you ride him, and I agree. He loves to watch you move yourself on him, able to grab at your thighs, and your hips, and your chest. He also loves to move you on him, squeezing your hips tightly as he sets the pace if you start getting tired or if he just feels like it.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I mean, he’s Buck, he’s truly a golden retriever of a man and cannot stay serious for long. I think he’s a bit of a mix, he can be serious in the moment, but at the end of the day, he’s still Buck, and Buck is silly goofy.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He keeps it nicely trimmed, carpets match the drapes. In terms of his partner, he really doesn’t give a fuck. He’s seen it all and could not care less as long as he feels the way you wrap around him so perfectly.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Buck 3.0 is a man of TASTE, but that being said, I think he only really pulls out the romance during special occasions. Most of the time this man wants to freak nasty, but sometimes when he’s tired, or just feels especially in cuddly/clingy, he’ll be more romantic.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He does it pretty often, of course not when he has the option to fuck you instead (and you’re willing, of course), but if you’re not with him and he needs a quick release, he getting right to it.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding: I will scream this till the day that I die, this man wants a family more than anything. Whenever he’s inside of you, he can’t help but think about how pretty you’d look with your belly all round with his babies.

Praise: Look at this pathetic little guy, he needs to be praised, he thrives on it. He loves to hear how good he feels, how good he’s making you feel. This goes both ways. He’s in your ear immediately telling you how good you feel, how well you’re taking him, how pretty you look.

Spanking: HEAR ME OUT!! While I’m not sure he would actually bend you over his knee (but honestly the more I think about it he might) he would LOVE to give your ass a nice little swat as you’re riding him. He loves the sound it makes, and the sound you make because you’re not expecting it. I don’t think he’d ever do it hard enough to hurt too much, but I think enough to make your ass a little red would definitely be something he could get behind (lol).

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He doesn’t have a ring cutter in the kitchen for nothing<3

I think he likes to have sex at home the most, on the bed, on the couch, on the kitchen counter. You name it, he wants to fuck you there. His favourite is the counter because he loves seeing you being so domestic in the kitchen. Making dinner, cleaning up, whatever, he wants you right then and there and cannot wait. He’ll come up behind you, wrapping his arms around you as he kisses your neck before slowly turning you around to face him and lift you onto the counter to have his way with you.

While he’s moved on from having sex in public places that could (will) get him fired, he’s still into it, but in less obvious places. If y’all are in his car and you’re looking a little too good in his passenger seat, he loves an empty parking lot quickie. Front seat, back seat, whatever you want, he’d be pulling you onto him as soon as he puts the jeep in park.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Girl ANYTHING gets him going, it would take one look, one touch, one word and this man would be ready to go. I think what really gets him going though is seeing you with kids or getting along so well with the 118. This man truly just wants a silly little family and someone that can get along with the 118fam, so seeing you like that has him making up a stupid excuse to leave a little early so he can take you home and have his hands all over you.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Like I said before, I don’t think he would do anything to hurt you too much, other than the occasional light spanking or biting. He would also not be into any kind of age play or pet play, he’s pro kink but it’s just not for him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

This man is a giver and I stand by this. Dear god he loves nothing more than having you spread open for him, hands tangled in his hair as he makes himself at home between your thighs. He loves having his hands gripping your thick thighs, feeling them on either side of his head. When you start to get squirmy from the overstimulation he’ll place a large hand over your lower stomach, holding you still as he pushes you over the edge again.

With all that said, he will definitely not say no to getting head. He loves seeing you look up at him while you’re on your knees, trying to take all of him. He’ll keep a hand in your hair, pulling it softly every now and then, and he can’t help but moan and whine as he gets closer and closer, eventually cumming down your throat as he squeezes his eyes shut.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends on the day, but most of the time he likes it rough and fast. He loves a good quickie, meaning it kinda has to be more fast paced and rough, and he’s pretty easy to get riled up, so when you drop any sort of hint, he’s on you immediately and ready. On other days where he’s feeling extra clingy and lovey, he’ll be more of a slow and sensual guy, but I think for the most part he loves to fuck you deep and rough.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Like I said, he loves a good quickie. A lot of the time he craves a quickie before work, needing to feel you before his long shift. I think they happen pretty often, but he’d much rather take his time with you, using his fingers and mouth before he fucks you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

As long as there’s clear communication he’s down to try pretty much anything, he’ll do anything to make you happy (within reason). I think he’s also a risk taker (also within reason, he has to think about not getting fired again, of course). Buck 1.0 is still inside him somewhere when it comes to sex so he definitely loves a little risk, but he’s grown enough to know where the line is.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

While he would love to go as many rounds as possible, I think it would realistically be 2-3, lasting about 10-15 minutes each round. I think he would be the type to like having some time between rounds, tension still high as you talk and lay around before he's back on you again.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Once again, he doesn’t have a ring cutter in his kitchen for nothing<3

He likes them, he definitely owns a few toys of his own. Vibrators, cock rings, some handcuffs or restraints, he’s very open to anything that increases y’alls pleasure.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He does it sometimes not really meaning to, like he does something and you’re like….dear god…and maybe he doesn’t notice the first time but the second time he does and WILL keep going until you snap. He loves the way you get all squirmy and whiny and desperate for him, knowing you want him as much as he wants you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

So vocal!!!! Literally that meme thats like “y’all afraid to make noise in the bedroom?? i be in my girls ear like…” He loves dirty talk (on both ends) and he can’t help but let out low moans when you’re clenching around him. He also loves hearing your breathless whimpers, making him feel like he’s doing a good job, and encouraging him to pull more sounds from your lips.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

If he was in a relationship during the whole sperm donor thing, it would be the longest few weeks for both of y’all. I imagine the first time he has an appointment, you make sure you’re waiting for him in a cute little matching set, knowing how excited he was to finally be buried inside you again, hearing you whine as he fills you up. He’s so frustrated when his appointment doesn’t work out that he doesn’t let you know how it went, instead being unpleasantly surprised when he sees you sprawled out on his bed when you get home and unable to do anything about it. He wants nothing more than to rip your pretty little set off your body and run his hands up and down your soft curves, but he can’t, and it’s torture. You apologize (but he will hear none of it because it was a lovely surprise, just shitty circumstances), and instead you change into an oversized shirt and sweatpants to enjoy a completely normal (and not sexual at all) night on the couch.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

8 inches, thick, no complaints <3

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

HIGH!!! This man is thinking about sex 24/7, and if he could, his hands would be on you at all times.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Most of the time I think he stays up for a while, just hanging out and talking to you. But if he comes home after a long shift he’s fucking GONE in 5 minutes tops.

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[ambrosiagourmet]

Rin Masterpost

Rin! Rinsha Fana! Beloved side character I think about far too much (or maybe not enough?)

I decided that it might be nice to put together an informational post about Rin, since she has some of my favorite background details of any character in Dungeon Meshi. This is partly as reference for myself, and partly for anyone else who might be interested in her but not know where to chase down the tidbits we we get of her, both in canon & extra materials. There’s also a little bit of theorizing and analysis sprinkled in for fun.

If anyone spots something I missed, please let me know and I will add it in!

Alright. Time for ultimate #rinposting

History and Timeline:

We don't have an official timeline for Rin (even in the expanded Adventurer's Bible, sadly), but we can put a lot of pieces together based on Kabru's timeline & their respective ages.

Rin is 2 years older than Kabru, and they met when he was 9. Assuming that he met her soon after she was taken to the elven capital, that means that the elves took her when she was 11.

Before that, she lived on the Northern Continent. Interestingly, when Mickbell asks about Shuro, Rin says she was born "here."

Since "here" doesn't mean the actual Island itself, it must mean simply "not the east." She is described in the Adventurer's Bible as having "no real knowledge of or attachment to the East," so maybe that's why she draws a "there" verses "here" line.

I'd also like to add a note here that the elves don't seem uh... they don't seem great about respecting the value of other cultures, especially those of short-life species. Milsiril seems to have discouraged Kabru from eating or remembering food from his hometown, at least, and that's even as an adoptive parent who cares (at least in some way) for her child. As I will touch on later, the "care" that Rin was under probably had even less respect for her history or ties to either Eastern or Northern culture.

That is all to say, considering that Rin spent many years with the elves, I'd take her having "[no] attachment to the East" as more of a comment on how she feels now, and less as a definite choice she made. She may genuinely have chosen that approach and opinion for herself, she may have been pushed towards it by the elves, and she may have had little choice at all in the matter - all are valid interpretations, though I personally lean towards the thought that it's unlikely the elves didn't have at least some hand in it.

Anyway, Rin does seem to know at least a bit about her heritage - she can presumably name and identify the specific island her parents are from, and she recognizes that "Shuro" isn't a name used there. She also knows that different places from the Eastern archipelago speak different languages, so she knows at least a little about the other islands as well.

Some additional extrapolations I'll make based on these facts: she never mentions, and probably isn't in contact with, any family from her island. This may be because her extended family died, because her parents didn't (or weren't able to) maintain contact, or because she lost contact when she was taken by the elves. Somewhat relatedly, she also prooobably doesn't speak the language, at least not fluently, though her being able to comment on the state of language in the archipelago makes me think that she at least learned a little as a kid.

Anyway, Rin's parents were refugees from the archipelago, though we don't know what specifically caused them to leave. There is this little tidbit of info we get (from the cover of chapter 48, of all places), though:

So yeah, that seems like it would be the backdrop of Rin's parents fleeing. As I said earlier, it's unclear if Rin might have any living family left back on her island. The listing she has for “family” in the Adventurer's Bible is just a dash, but so is Izutsumi's, for instance, and we know that she was taken from her family with no knowledge of who might still be out there. It's possible everyone else was killed, it's possible they were separated... it's possible that Rin's parents didn't even know.

As an additional note, and this is speculation on my part, but I think there is an argument to be made, with this tidbit from the cover as well as the Nakamoto clan's specialty in espionage and use of ninjas, that the politics of the archipelago are partially based on Sengoku era Japan. Not necessarily super relevant here, but I think it's interesting context for all... of the archipelago characters, honestly.

(Especially considering it seems like the Nakamoto clan is in a relatively comfortable position, and yet clearly are involved, or at least prepared to be involved in larger conflict. How stable is their position, really? How is Shuro's father viewed by the wider region and archipelago as a whole? What about his lord? NOT THE POINT THIS IS A POST ABOUT RIN. BUT IT'S VERY INTERESTING TO THINK ABOUT.)

Okay, back to Rin's parents.

Whatever caused them to leave, they made their way to the north, where they made their living with their magic for a time. There are no specifics about what kind of magic they used, but we know at least some examples of jobs that magic can get you, based on the flashback to Laios and Falin's childhood in chapter 26. Laios proposes that Fain could use her magic to be a priest, gravekeeper, or wandering exorcist. Though these are specific to Falin's affinity with spirits, they give some idea of the shape of the work that might be available. It's important, but it is also on the outskirts of society - not necessarily admired or appreciated by the average person.

And Rin’s parents were killed by vigilantes for that magic. It's not entirely news that superstitious villages in the area would sometimes kill magic users - we see a small drawing of people being burned at the stake in a panel towards the end of the manga:

Nonetheless, Rin is the only person in the main cast who has experienced this brutality firsthand. And she did experience it firsthand, having been found by the elves as the sole survivor within the burnt ruins of her home.

It is unknown exactly how she survived, or what happened to her parents before and during the fire. Rin lived, and they did not.

The elves came some time after the fire, intending to investigate reports of ancient magic. They (and we) don't know if Rin's parents actually did use ancient magic, or if the reports and murders were simply spurred by general fear and superstition. Rin was the only piece of "evidence" that remained, and so she was taken back to the west with the elves when they left.

We don't know much about her time on the Northern Central Continent (where the elves/Canaries are based), but it doesn't seem like she was adopted or taken in by anyone the way that Kabru was. According to the Adventurer's Bible, after being taken into custody, "under their care she was treated as a captive animal would be." I would guess that means very basic food and shelter, little to no education. Probably the most social contact she got was from Kabru, as well as maybe, occasionally, from elves treating her as a curiosity, such as in this bit in the Adventurer’s Bible:

Assuming she left with Kabru (which seems like it is the case, there's no info about them having separated during that time), she spent 9 years with the elves, and has been with Kabru on the Island in the 4 years since then.

She also stays in the Golden Country after the end of the story, apparently working as an apothecary.

Additional Details (& Speculation):

What does she remember of her family and home?

I'd like to take a moment here to explore a little of what Rin might remember of her parents and home.

For reference, we can look at Kabru. The canaries came to Utaya when Kabru was 6, and he arrived in the capital when he was 7. He remembers the events of the tragedy in his home, and has some memories of his mother and life in Utaya, including memories of local dishes.

Rin lost her parents and home at 11, so she presumably has much clearer memories of the events that lead to her being taken by the elves... or she might, assuming that they haven't been completely blocked by her trauma from the event.

Yeah, I am fairly damn sure that she's got some memory issues from trauma and PTSD. For one, this is the state she was found in:

As already mentioned, she was also treated like something of an animal by the elves. She probably didn't have a lot of contact with other people, which would further perpetuate that sense of isolation and dehumanization. What I'm getting at here is that Rin probably didn't have much to help pull her out of this place, or heal these wounds. She had Kabru, who was also a kid and even younger than her, and she had herself.

Obviously trauma leaves different scars on everyone, and everyone responds and copes in different ways. But I do think it is interesting that we never hear anything about Rin's parents or life before the elves, and there are no real details about it given in the Adventurer's Bible the way we have for Kabru. What's presented is more surface level facts: they were refugees, they made a living with magic, they were killed.

I'm inclined to believe that things are laid out this way because that's how Rin holds on to these things. She knows things about them, but possibly remembers them more as things she was told/knows to be true, rather than actual memories she can picture herself experiencing.

Rin's Magic

In an interesting counterpoint to her potentially spotty memory, I do actually think Rin may have learned magic from her parents (or started learning, and was self-taught from there). She never attended a magic academy, and actually has a bit of grudge against people who did - owing to the social protection afforded to "upper-class mages," which her parents did not have. She also almost certainly wouldn't have been taught by the elves, who not only treated her as an animal but also knew her parents may have been involved with ancient magic.

Falin began to show signs of magical talent at 8, and was sent to the Magic Academy at 10, and that was as someone who had absolutely no guidance about or exposure to magic in her home town. Raised by two mage parents, I think Rin absolutely could have been learning some things by the time she was 11.

In terms of continued learning, I'll add that Rin is able to identify Marcille's magic as being A) from an Academy student, and B) cast by an elf:

This makes me think that she continued to study magic on her own while held by the elves, and probably even more so after leaving with Kabru. They didn't form the party until two years after they left the elves, which would give Rin plenty of time to try and learn from other adventurers on the Island, or to study up on her own. She'd probably be able to pick up some dungeon-crawling basics (like the water walk spell), as well as become familiar with the skill level and expression of skill common in different people with different backgrounds (hence why she is able to comment on the "textbook" academy wards).

Much like Marcille, Rin also seems to rely on a 'one size fits all' Big Boom method of dealing with monsters: lightning. We see the best example of its power in the fight with Chimera Falin:

But we also see her cast it pretty recklessly in a few other places, including the end credits of the new anime ED, which I think provides a good example of the downsides to such an approach...

Yeah, it is very much a 'get out of the way or get zapped' spell.

Especially since Marcille's offensive magic is self-taught and works very similarly, this definitely reinforces the idea that Rin figured most of this stuff out herself.

Outfit and Character Design

Dear sweet Rin of the Red And Black... how I love her design.

First of all, her clothes are damaged. Despite the fact that Rin looks relatively well put together overall, her outfit is worn out. I have some theories on why this is that I'll get to in a bit, but for now I'll just touch on what this design communicates in general about it.

I think, just like with Kabru's horribly messy room, it creates a sense that there is something more complicated underneath the surface. Something that isn't being addressed or seen to, just as the dress hasn't been mended or replaced.

It also reflects her not caring a ton about her appearance. She's neat, but she's not concerned about being pretty, so she doesn't bother with fixing up her outfit after her dungeon crawls. This also fits with her perpetual scowl (which I will talk more about in a bit), and slightly disheveled hair.

Next: the gloves. At first I thought they might be a sort of uncomfortable-with-touch thing, but after skimming through the manga and some bonus content, I have another theory. Rin takes the gloves off to eat, as well as a few other instances, such as when working on a spell with Holm and Marcille in chapter 36

This one is especially interesting because she has them on in the next chapter, during the fight with Falin. Since she also isn't wearing gloves during some of the Daydream Hour art of her outside of the dungeon, that leads me to believe that they are specifically for combat.

What does she need them for, though? Most other casters we see don't wear gloves. Well... just look at the other half of the page where she attacks Falin with lightning:

She is enveloped by this spell. I said it before was pretty reckless magic, but maybe its not just a problem for her teammates, but for her as well.

So here's my theory: maybe the gloves are rubber, or some other electricity-resistant material? They might help protect her from her own magic. I don't know why a caster would need gloves for combat otherwise.

I also think this might be why her dress is tattered at the bottom, by the way. Especially since the Daydream Hour genderswap design doesn't have a similar problem with his outfit, since the tunic isn't as long.

I will admit this is a bit of stretch/guess, but I think it's a fun one, and I wanted to share. I do think I'm right about the gloves being for dungeons/fighting specifically, at least. That seems pretty consistent throughout all of her appearances.

I also mentioned her scowl, so I'll touch on that briefly as well. The (fairly confirmed) explanation for Rin's expression is that she intentionally wears a frown to prevent her other expressions from showing through. I think it's important to emphasize that it's not just smiling that she is trying to suppress here - it's any strong emotion:

Anyway, because I can, here is the art of Rin smiling.

Rin and Kabru

I have talked a bit about Rin and Kabru's history, but I think it deserves its own section.

I think it's very interesting that Rin is pretty much the ONLY character in all of Dungeon Meshi that has explicit canonical romantic interesting in someone. It's literally part of the main summary sentence in her character profile.

This could be sort of reductive as a way to describe a female character (and in some ways it still is), but I think in part the simplicity and directness of it actually is part of what makes it so interesting. Especially when on the very next page we see the comic about her backstory. "This mage is in love with Kabru" -> one page of a horribly traumatic event and a child frozen in shock with no one to comfort her. What does that do?

Well, in my opinion, it shows how much Rin focuses on Kabru as something to keep her in the present. In contrast with the immense loss she has experienced, her love for Kabru is current and alive. He has presumably been her anchor for years, and I think that her love is part of that anchor.

Adding to this, in contrast with how explicit her feelings are, she never seems to actively pursue Kabru. She complains about his potential interest in other women, but she doesn't really flirt. She doesn't let herself smile around him any more than anyone else, and she doesn't hide her bitterness or anger from him to present a more appealing persona.

As much as she craves Kabru's attention, and has stayed by his side for years, I don't know that she really wants to possess him. He seems to know about her feelings, more or less, and she seems to know that he knows. Maybe she believes he doesn't reciprocate and is respecting that, maybe she's afraid of what she could lose if she tried to change things, or maybe the change itself frightens her. In any case, though she's not exactly happy with the way things are between them, she doesn't seem to be trying to change that status quo.

A specific thing I'd also like to talk about with their relationship, beyond Rin's love for him, is her fear for him. As the Adventurer's Bible puts it, "she worries that his knack for dealing with whatever life throws at him might lead him to get too full of himself and end up in serious trouble."

Rin is an interesting mix of restrained and explosive, herself. Her magic is destructive, her temper seems to run hot (she gets annoyed easily, at least), and her feelings for Kabru are apparent. At the same time, she doesn't let her emotions show on her face, she is the one who bluntly states that the group has hit the limit of their abilities, and she doesn't act on those obvious feelings for Kabru. It's interesting, then, that what she fears for Kabru is that he won't restrain himself.

And a small personal idea about that as well: I wonder if she somewhat blames her parents for getting killed. Again, this is very speculative, but I think it's interesting that her fear for Kabru is that he will get too full of himself. Take up too much space. It's never really stated what Rin thinks of her parents, but it can be easy in grief to search for control, and control often means blame. If they hadn't been so confident, so flashy, would they still be alive...?

I don't know if she's ever thought like that, and it could well be that her fears for Kabru come from a totally different place. But it's an interesting connective thread between her past and present - the idea of "getting in trouble" for taking up too much space and being too confident in one's own abilities.

Miscellaneous Tidbits:

On that note, I'd like to wrap up the main part of this post, and move on to a few extra things that I couldn't find another place for.

Rin plays with her hair when she's stressed

Using stressed as a pretty big umbrella here, because I think it's hard to perfectly pin down all the emotions at play, but it is a habit of hers. Best displayed in chapter 32, but it shows up in other places, too.

Her design contrasts with Marcille

This is a small thing, but I just love how much they are visual opposites.

Rin wears red and black and has dark hair, Marcille wears blue and white and has light hair. Marcille cares a great deal for her hair and puts it up in elaborate hairstyles, and Rin's is mostly loose and a bit messy. Marcille was even educated at the Magic Academy, which Rin dislikes. They both have little capelets. Also they both look very cute in each other's clothes.

Rin knows Flamela (and they meet again in canon)

Nothing much is done with this in canon, but I think it’s super interesting that Flamela's squad are the ones that find Rin as a child and take her away to the west, and then they end up stuck in the dungeon together for a bit.

Two days??? I'm so very curious what things were like between these three.

Aaaand I think that's all I have to say about Rin! For the time being at least. There's a lot more analysis that could be done about her and Kabru especially, but for this post I wanted to keep things at least somewhat anchored to canon facts, with only a layer or two of speculation on top.

If it isn't already obvious, I think Rin is a super interesting character with a ton of potential depth to explore. She mostly interacts with Kabru in canon, but has ties to a bunch of other characters: she and Marcille fill similar roles in their parties but have differing personalities and histories, she and Falin (and Laios) have been tremendously shaped by xenophobia and fear of magic common in the Northern Continent, her parents fled from conflict in the same region Shuro and his retainers are from, and she has history with Flamela and some of the second canary squad.

Her temper, her fear, her love... her repression and passion - they all inform her character, even in small ways, even with as little time as she spends on the page.

[silksongeveryday]

Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 600!

Here’s a quick 30 min doodle to celebrate! :D

Man time really flies huh

Thank you guys for 3.1k btw!!!

And big thank you to those who have joined me in this wild journey of daily doodles no matter how long you’ve been here. Truly did not expect what started as a joke to make it this far lol

(more stuff I wanted to talk about under the cut)

-A few updates-

General Stuff:

Well, life has been generally pretty busy. And while that’s made it a little more challenging to do daily doodles as of late, it’s been alright for the most part. Some of you may have noticed though that a lot of my daily posts have been showing up as much as 1-2 hours later than the regular time. Unfortunately with all the stuff I’ve been taking care of lately, putting a daily doodle/drawing on top of the pile means it’ll be late very often. I kind of have an unofficial job irl now so this stuffs hard to juggle sometimes.

Hornet’s Strange Adventures:

Initially I was hoping to get a lot of stuff done for this game during October but some recent job stuff is making that pretty hard to do. I probably won’t be able to make any significant progress on this game until very late October and into November. So if you were looking forward to big updates on progress, it sadly won’t be for a while, sorry. Outside of that though, I can at least say that all the routes have been thoroughly planned out from start to finish including the secret route. This includes rewriting some choices that have already been seen during the game’s time on ssed.

About Doodle Requests

I haven’t had them open for a while anyway, but I’ve finally come to the decision that I will no longer be taking doodle requests through tumblr asks/inbox. As fun as it was in the beginning, I often found myself trying to fulfill requests on the daily and that was stressful. That being said, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m stopping requests entirely. I just don’t really want to do them for free anymore. Since I’m on Hornet Journal Series still, it’s a long way away before anything happens, but there’s a likely chance I’ll only do commissioned doodle requests whenever they re-open. We’ll see as it gets closer though.

Thoughts on taking an actual break:

I’ve mentioned this a lot in the past both here on ssed and on my main blog, but I’ve been seriously considering taking a break. Like a real one. Not just a “I’m gonna stockpile a bunch of doodles and pick it back up when I run out” kind of break. Especially with the way life has been going lately (mostly positive at least), I feel as though I may have to retire from daily doodles somewhat soon if there is no official news by the time this blog hits its 2 year mark. Don’t get me wrong I’ve loved doing this for the almost two years that it’s been going but at some point I’ll have to move on from this whether I like it or not. Does this mean that activity on this blog stops altogether? No. I just won’t be doing daily doodles anymore. There’s a more likely chance it would end up being weekly, or possibly monthly. Just not daily anymore.

Whatever the case, that decision will be considered more when 2 years gets closer. Until then just enjoy daily doodles while they’re still here!

—————————————————-

I think that’s all I can think of to say right now. Might post more thoughts on my main maybe?? We’ll see

Thank you again to all the lovely people that have been here during this crazy journey, you guys are awesome :D

[saerins]

PREV: #005 THE ICE SURRENDERS 𖧧 #006: COMFORT IN FAMILIARITY 𖧧 NEXT: #007 TWO STUBBORN ꒰ series masterlist ꒱

꒰ঌꨄ︎໒꒱ — there’s a lot going on in life. there’s a lot expected of you. both of you. sometimes love is all it takes. and sometimes, love is not enough.

content: itoshi sae x female reader. smut/fluff/angst. tw: making out, dry humping, oral (male receiving), profanity, they tiptoe around their awkwardness, lots of being needy, clingy, sae’s a little shameless & so are you. word count: 7.5k

༝༚༝༚ it’s finally here !! the next chapter haha to whoever’s still reading & waiting for this , thank you for still being here :’) i appreciate you more than you’ll ever know <3 also yay !! finally you’ll find out whether sae & bianca fucked :p (psa about taglist at the end of the chapter !!)

there’s something very foreign about waking up in peace. very foreign, but very welcome. 

sunlight filters nicely through the half-closed blinds of the guest room. the paint on the walls don’t chip, don’t leave anything for you to stare at, can’t wonder whether the paint job would come undone first before you.

the bed is soft. doesn’t have those annoying noises the springs make when you get up and stretch. the room is cold from the air conditioning, but the slight warmth of the sun that bounces on your skin is a nice contrast.

you feel light.

the events of last night leave much to your imagination. you have no idea if last night was too much, if asking for a kiss was too much.

but sae kissed you himself—it shouldn’t be, right?

you find you never quite know with him. you really should get out there and deal with it.

it’s 7am but something tells you sae should already be up. he’s a soccer player with a tendency to make the best of his days, there’s no way he’s not up and ready yet.

true to your guess, by the time you awkwardly peek into the living room, there’s a note waiting for you on the coffee table.

got a photoshoot till night, help yourself to anything in the house.

his penmanship leaves much to be desired, unlike the other parts of him. an indication of how little he actually writes.

sae could’ve just texted you this, but you guess even he’s feeling at a loss after last night.

which both of you think must be stupid; it’s just a kiss.

work is already settled for you. sumi offered to help you speak to mr tatsuji. the interview with sae early on really does work miracles. it’s so easy to curry favours now.

a three-day break from work because sumi thought you might need more time off so she conveniently told your boss that you’re nursing a fever.

where do you find friends like her at work nowadays?

you plop yourself down on sae’s leather couch, rife with the kind of comfort that’s alien to you. you definitely owe sumi one. sae, too. 

you’ll figure out ways to repay sumi soon. there has to be someone else on the team that you can convince for an interview under her name. you’re already calculating possibilities between oliver aiku and shuto sendou.

but as for sae, you find yourself drawing a blank.

what can you do for someone who already has everything? what kind of benefits can you extend?

you’re feeling even worse as the clock continues to tick, realising that you’d probably never be able to measure up to someone like him.

your feet carry you to the balcony before you know it, the chilly morning air hitting your face like the wake up call you need.

sae’s not really like anyone else you’ve known before. he’s a normal, sane-enough human—nearly the polar opposite of how eita is, though, so maybe that’s why your head’s devoid of ideas.

you groan, elbows perched on the wooden railing lining the edges of the balcony, palms pressed against your cheekbones as you desperately try to manifest an idea in your head.

he can lend you his shirt. he can extend a space in his house. he can give you that kiss he remembers you wanted.

but you can’t think of one measly idea of what to do for him in return.

you can think of one idea of how to get there, to get your answer, but you can’t shake the notion that it’s kind of stupid and kind of shameless. 

you juggle the degree to which each attribute bothers you and ultimately decide to just go ahead with it anyway.

“what is it, idiot?”

eita’s as friendly as always, on the other side of the line, voice a low rasp, obviously stirred from a deep sleep.

“can i ask you for your opinions?”

a sigh from the other line, as if he expects something completely stupid.

“yeah, sure.”

“and promise not to lecture me!”

eita pauses. you hear rustling on his end, probably getting up because he’s gotten curious and invested in the conversation now.

“depends, what the fuck did you do?”

he acts as if you’re the only one out of the two of you that does stupid, stupid things.

“nothing stupid, thank you very much.” (yet. possibly.) “but… do you have any idea what sae likes?”

it’s a long shot. a really long one. eita would probably have a better chance at guessing an AV star’s favourite dish. wouldn’t hurt to try, though.

eita makes a loud, confused noise. warranted.

you think.

“uh… i don’t know, bianca?”

a pause.

“i’m joking.”

it still hit your sore spot. the nagging reminder that there’s more to sae and bianca than meets the eye that just gets sprung back into the forefront of your temporal lobe.

“well, i’m serious!” you choose to ignore it.

another sigh from eita. you can practically envision him on his bed, duvet carelessly discarded to the side, scratching the back of his head.

“look, all i know is that he hates french fries and loves his routines, and oh, the only girl he’s ever admitted liking is momoko sakura.”

eita says it all in one breath and waits for your response like you’re supposed to appreciate it. the last one nearly made you vomit before you realise it’s a fucking tv show.

if you’re going to get help, you’re not going to get it from him.

“oh, he’s more of an ass guy than a boob guy, if you need to know.”

“what? eita!”

“i’m serious.”

you don’t really know whether you can trust him. even if you do, what the heck are you supposed to do with that information? jiggle your ass randomly in front of itoshi sae?

“thanks, eita.” you’re evidently bummed out. that doesn’t cancel out your actual gratitude that eita didn’t just hang up on you. you consider it a big enough surprise that he even tried.

“wait, why do you ask?”

his voice comes out all rushed, like he’s just now waking up and realising it’s not like you to ask him something like this out of the blue.

it’s probably not the greatest idea to tell him where you are and why you’re there, but you don’t actually like lying to your friends so you cough up the information without much persuasion.

“so what, are you guys a thing now?”

it’s fair of him to ask. you conveniently left out the kiss though, so maybe eita’s jumping the gun here.

“no, we’re just… getting to know each other.”

“uh huh.”

it sounds almost accusatory.

suddenly you don’t know what to say to the one you’re always talking around.

“well, if you need me, call me,” he says, more laconic than you’re used to. still, all things considered, you guess you can’t really blame him.

the discontent in his voice is apparent, the lack of intonation eating you up with guilt.

you retreat back into the living room, into the warm embrace of the single-seater, hoping that the softness of it would swallow the tornado in you up whole.

the rest of the morning is spent on your phone and laptop, between brainstorming ideas on what you can do for sae and replying to any of your colleagues who have no respect for the aspect of a time off.

after eventually deciding that nothing you think of can actually be good enough, you settle for just asking him straight.

yes, you’ll ask him later when he’s back and just be straight up with him about it. that way, you won’t waste your efforts on something vapid and sae would actually like it.

come afternoon, you dare yourself to fish out another shirt from his closet because you opened his fridge only to find absolutely nothing inside but a few bottles of salted kombucha. (which is absolutely not a qualifying substitute for lunch.)

it also won’t do for you to be wearing sae’s national jersey out to the supermarket and bringing more attention to yourself than necessary, so you tiptoe into his room even though he’s not there, in pursuit of a completely plain (or at least a more vague) t-shirt.

freely traversing his apartment like this makes you feel more than what you are, but you shake that thought away.

and there you were thinking eita was the one jumping the gun.

by the time the sun gives way to the moon and sae trudges his way back home—with a small spring in his steps that he can’t ignore—he walks into the apartment, reminding himself to say he’s home in the process.

it’s his first time coming back home to an apartment that’s not empty. it’s not something he thought he’d want to get used to. but knowing who’s on the other side of the door, he thinks it might be nice.

“hey, you’re back!”

there’s the usual uplifting lilt in your voice that he can’t ignore, can’t forget.

the sound of bounding footsteps that he can usually hear from the other apartments are infuriating but the ones that come from you makes his heart beat just a little bit quicker.

“hey,” he greets, the dull of his voice nearly being betrayed by the light in his eyes.

three seconds and you’re right in front of him, peering at him with inquisitive eyes. you do that cute head-tilt thing you always do when you have questions.

“what’s that?”

you point your finger in the direction of his neck, and he cranes his head toward the mirror hung on the corridor to see what you mean.

a big red lipstick stain on the side of his neck. or mauve, as the makeup artist calls it.

sae sighs to himself. so that’s what his assistant meant when she tried to call him back saying they’re not done with him yet.

“are you too eager to go home or something?”

that’s what she asked when he ignored them and left the set the moment everything was over.

“oh, uh, photoshoot.”

it’s always simple, his answers. what’s not simple are bianca’s natural reactions. he can just envision her face if she was in your position instead; the slight twitch in the corner of her lips, the pout that comes after to mask her disdain, the questioning to come.

that’s why it’s a built-in reaction for sae to elaborate.

“it was—”

“i see.”

you both speak at the same time. sae doesn’t know what to think.

the slight confusion on your face is represented by the raise of your brows, before it quickly gets replaced by a giggle, and then your fingers find the box of tissues and hand one to him.

“wanna wipe it off?” you ask. a simple question that makes him question a lot, actually.

only because he’s been conditioned to think all girls are a carbon copy of bianca behaviour-wise and you just happen to prove otherwise.

“oh! or did you want to wash up first?”

how long has he been standing there idly again?

sae just blinks as he stands in his doorway, stupid and dazed. he gets his bearings a few seconds later when you do that cute head-tilt thing in the other direction. he can’t stand seeing anymore of it or he’ll get an untimely reminder of how you tasted last night.

“yeah, i’ll go wash up, we can eat after.”

he still takes a piece of tissue without using it. he assumes you haven’t eaten dinner and only remembers he probably should ask first but he’s already closing his bedroom door behind him, his person of interest on the other side.

this idle state of confusion, of questioning his every move and every word; it’s not an experience he’s ever had before and he thinks it isn’t very pleasant.

on the field he never has doubts. always plan after plan, carefully crafted by the milliseconds. when something doesn’t work, he tries another. dribbles it past the troublesome one, pass it to one of his forwards. the one that can score.

it’s easy on the field.

easier than it is in front of you.

it still proves the same when he gets out of the showers, mind refreshed and vitality rejuvenated, only to come face to face with home-cooked dinner.

foreign, all alien, very welcome.

you’re rambling on about the three dishes you made and how you’re not sure if he’d like it. sae’s all in his head trying to think of excuses so that you can keep staying here.

for someone who’s spent most of his adulthood keeping people at arms’ length, your presence in his life now is half-exciting, half-concerning.

if he’s heard correctly from his assistant who nags him constantly about a possible budding love life at the height of his career, it’s how people get screwed over. how their plays get fucked up.

if she’s any reliable.

sae used to think he wouldn’t let anything come in the way of him and his career, because his career’s the only relationship he ever thought of having. until now. until you’re sitting on the side of the dining table that used to always be empty because he refuses to let anyone in.

until your smile paints the dull bland walls with colour for once and your food tastes unsettlingly like home. the kind of home he hasn’t visited in a while. the kind where it’s out of sight, out of mind that people don’t realise what they miss.

“how is it?”

you’re grimacing, like you’re expecting something bad. as if sae’s some sort of food critic. as if sae’s ever been anything but subjectively nicer to you.

“it’s not bad.”

really, he has nothing to compare it to. the last time he ever had home-cooked food was probably before he even started playing soccer. everything’s a blur when he tries to recall it, just the vague imagery of him and rin side by side with their legs dangling in the air of the high stools while their mother plates all the food he didn’t bother to memorise when he was, what, six?

he wonders if his brother remembers anything.

it’s enough strain on his mind that he’s finding this type of humdrum fascinating, when it’s with you. it doesn’t help that your hips brush when both of you wash the dishes together.

sae doesn’t really know what he’s doing and he only now realises that you went out earlier and got the groceries. he hasn’t thanked you yet, has he? should he?

everyday courtesy is lost on him.

it’s only after the dishes are washed and the countertops are wiped down that sae thinks maybe he should just express his gratitude.

“tha—”

“thank you, by the way.”

the both of you really need to stop saying shit at the same time.

you got it out first. sae’s such a loser. sae lets you continue.

“i know i’m imposing on you a lot, but…” your words get lost on you, and sae can sense the lack of explanation on your circumstances is a choice.

he wants to know you. there’s a stinging irritation in the back of his head knowing that otoya knows you better than he does.

it’s selfish. he knows. but sae’s always been selfish. in a sense.

“you can stay here as long as you need.”

it’s just sae’s pathetic attempt to ride on what you’re saying, to hopefully keep you here a little longer because somehow the walls don’t seem to suffocate when he comes back to you. the air seems clearer and the house becomes more like home, if he dares to say he knows anything of what that’s like.

he tries to gauge your reaction, trying not to crane his neck too far to the side to make it so obvious that he’s staring.

you’re comfortably perched on the couch, right next to him. there’s an annoyingly small gap in between you. he nearly misses the contact. your feet are on the cushion, hugged close to your chest, your eyes gazing at the little space of nothing between the air in front of you and his coffee table.

normally, he’d think that if someone extends an offer that they know you’d like, it’ll be taken without question. so he wonders why you still need to think.

his first guess is that you have a penchant need to not owe anyone anything.

his mind strays to how good you look in his other shirt. whenever you happened to take it. he’ll probably give you his entire closet if you ask for it.

half exciting, half concerning.

“thank you.” but you hesitate. you’re not looking at him yet. sae takes full advantage of that to look at you. at every smidge of movement in the muscles of your face. how your brows furrow half-heartedly, how your lips are pressed into a firm line.

he really wants to see your lips. want to taste them again. even if it means he has to go to bed and groan into the pillow instead of your mouth.

you give him what he wants when you start to speak again.

“is there anything i can do to repay you?”

there’s really no need.

sae shakes his head. “it’s fine, you don’t need to do anything.”

there’s a crease between your brow bones that beg to differ.

“no, really, i mean it. is there anything you need? anything you want me to do?”

there’s a really long, awkward pause as sae struggles to process your simple question. his adam’s apple bobs up and down. the walls and his glass windows start their suffocation game once more.

sae’s not sure you want him to tell you what he wants. he’s a visual thinker; and his mind isn’t anywhere but in the gutter.

between having a long day doing a photoshoot that doesn’t even interest him and having a female model as his partner when he keeps comparing her to you, sae can’t really keep it together after more than twenty years of keeping to himself.

he already has one of the couch pillows on his lap, just in case.

it’s already coming in handy thanks to what he’s thinking about.

sae shakes his head. “really, it’s fine.”

he’s half praying that you’ll just let it go so he can go back into the confines of his own room, feeling guilty that he’ll have to help himself to the thought of you but soothing his frustrations anyway.

the other half of him is praying for just you.

and that’s the part that’s alarming to him.

he nearly loses it when you shift, your elbow resting against the back of the couch, body turned to face him as if he hasn’t had a good enough look in his imagination that you have to bring it in real life.

yeah, he’s blaming you. because his brain’s short-circuiting and his synapses are failing him and he can’t seem to get his fucking eyes off of your lips.

he feels nearly shameless for staring at you point blank.

sae doesn’t know what expression you’re wearing now. he’s not sure he wants to know. are you offended or do you feel the same way you felt last night?

feelings can change like the season. or so he’s heard.

your voice is murmured; his thoughts are in the foreground. you say something along the lines of “what do you want, sae?” and he doesn’t have any of the carefully constructed self-control he’s had over the past few years.

so easily undone just by your mere presence.

“you.”

sae says that without thinking. it’s a chore, thinking. he keeps bouncing between shoulds and should-nots and it’s really fucking irritating.

“kiss me,” he tells you, more outright.

if you can tell him such a thing, you won’t punish him for saying the same, right?

here’s the spoiler: you don’t.

another spoiler: you feel like you’ve been waiting for him to tell you that all night.

barely a second into his request and you’re already fulfilling it. sae’s hand curves behind your neck, his calloused palm delicately placed on your skin. the other hand that’s free decides to pull you in, make it so you’re straddling him.

fuck, when did he get rid of the pillow?

your groan is enough indication that you feel him under you. the way he’s so stiff right now is nearly painful, only because the need it feels him with surpasses any sort of need he’s ever had.

both of you are half kisses and half pants. sae has no choice but to tip his head backwards as you roll your hips against his.

“shit,” he hisses, the hand on your neck crawling upwards to grab a fistful of your hair and tug it downwards. it doesn’t affect your hips in the least. why would it?

his other hand grips onto your waist, like he has to do that to make sure you stay there, make sure you keep moving against him. his eyes practically roll into his head, the sounds he’s so shamelessly making betraying any sort of stoic that he used to have in front of you.

a soft chuckle escapes you, and he pries his eyes open just to stare. the tilt of your face, the way your eyelashes brush against each other, that bite of your bottom lip—you’re a delicacy wrapped in his dreams.

“you’ve been thinking of this, huh?”

there’s a blush on his cheeks that he doesn’t let you see, releasing your hair and immediately letting his lips land on your neck. 

it feels nice to make you sound as undone, as needy as he is.

your chest pressed against him doesn’t do much to ease the tightening in his sweatpants. you still haven’t stopped rolling your hips.

right now it looks as if you’re the one with the better stamina.

his teeth latches onto your neck, head bowed, leaving a mark while you have to tell him to ease up a little on it. he’s learning.

he tries again.

better this time, from your lack of feedback.

“i hate what you do to me.” he sounds so stupid, so lost. it’s the vulnerability that’s annoying.

you try to catch your breath as he leans back against the backrest, both of you a bundle of nerves all out in the open. his hair’s mussed, but so is yours. sae’s still hard as fuck, a wet spot already formed on his regrettably light grey sweatpants.

maybe it’s your instinct that tells you to ask him your next question.

“have you ever done this before?”

you fail to clarify what this is, but if sae’s adept enough, you mean making out, and whatever else could happen after. humping. blowjobs. sex.

they’re all the same to sae either way.

“no, never.”

he’s still breathless.

you were halfway to catching your breath, but his admittal takes another pocket of air out of your lungs.

to sae, the silence that follows is painfully awkward. he’s good at guessing what players think on the field, but he’s an absolute goon at trying to guess what the girl he’s interested in is thinking when he just basically admitted he’s a virgin in all romantic aspects.

the only person that came close was bianca. and even then all they did was kiss.

this is the first time he’s ever wanted more.

“i don’t,” he pauses, his eyes momentarily fluttering shut as he thinks of ways to express this animal need to have you. “i don’t want you to repay me with anything.”

you settle your forehead on his, your fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. your breathing’s even. it helps him even his out too.

“but if you ask me what i want.” sae takes his time to shift his gaze towards you. your lips, your eyes. you’re so pretty it should be an insult to everyone else. “i want you to be my first.”

it sounds so fucking corny that a small part of him is shrivelling inside. it can’t believe he said something like that. he would’ve cringed if he heard it in movie theatres.

see how pathetic you make him feel?

“your first… what?”

he wants to chuckle. he knows you know. you’re probably being a little shit by asking him to admit it. but even so, he’ll give in to you.

because it feels right.

“everything.”

it could be that you don’t know what to say. it could be that you’re too eager. sae wouldn’t know.

but the way you kiss him next, the way you guide his hands under your shirt (it may as well be yours now), it knocks all wind out of his lungs, all the sense out of his brain.

for the first time, sae finds his hands on your bare chest. it makes a noise come out of him, one that’s equally greedy and needy. he gives it a squeeze, make sure you pay him one back.

your lips are on his lips but by now you’re barely kissing, more open panting and desperate hands pawing at each other.

he takes your nipple between his fingers, giving it a light pinch. your back arches, a sinful sight in front of him, one that he’ll probably have to use for a while if you’re not around.

how can one person have this much control over his desires? that’s a foul.

your hips resume their rolling just for a little bit only for them to stop when you pull back. your hand is on his chest, lips shiny from being subject to his mouth. sae already wants to touch you some more, both his hands relegated to his sides.

“i wanna suck you off.”

you say that so casually that sae’s doing the blushing for you.

if it’s even possible, he gets even harder, and you take the twitching you see as a yes.

you get on your knees in front of him, sat in the spot between his legs, knees folded against the cold floor. sae grabs your wrist before you can pull his pants down, committing himself entirely to the moment.

“take your shirt off first.”

yeah, that request—demand?—shouldn’t roll so easily off his tongue. yet here he is, letting it. the wet patch on his pants is shameful enough. what else does he have to lose?

he finds it near endearing that you don’t hesitate to pull his shirt off over your shoulder. sae’s eyes drag shamelessly over your breasts as he takes in the view. he nearly fails to stop himself from telling you to suck his dick already because it’s getting harder to ignore the wanton need it has for you.

nothing else has to be said.

you divest him of his sweatpants, his cock hitting his shirt as it springs free, near the spot around his bellybutton, the wet patch spreading on his old jersey. you’re looking at his cock, then looking at him, then back at his length—it makes him nervous.

the moment you wrap your fingers around the base of his shaft, he sucks in a sharp breath, head tilted towards the ceiling. it’s different than when he touches himself.

your fingers are smaller, more delicate than his. it feels good. feels even better when you give his tip a little kitten lick, and he’s almost sure you’re just experimenting now, just checking how he’s reacting to every single gesture.

sae’s doing everything in his goddamn power to keep it all together.

he can’t even look at you. that’s a sure fire way to end everything the moment he does.

a strained groan leaves the back of his throat as you pump his cock painfully slow. he doesn’t know if this is the norm. if it is, he hates it.

then comes what he’s been imagining: your tongue flat on his length, licking a stripe up his cock, your hand around it pumping a little bit quicker, still as gentle.

“shit, that feels good,” he finds himself admitting without much thought.

is he supposed to have any thoughts when you’re blowing him so impossibly good like this?

you don’t say much, and you can’t, not when your mouth slowly wraps around his cock and his tip starts hitting the back of your throat. your rhythm is steady at first, like it’s a tease, like it’s just a hell of an opening act.

sae’s hips start to buck upwards into your mouth, and you take it expertly. he dares himself to look at you when you start moaning around his cock, the sight of you so saccharine, so indulgent.

and then yep, there it is, the way his self control gets shredded into pieces, in the form of thick white ropes of cum in your mouth as he groans in resignation.

his eyes are still on you, this time he doesn’t want to look away anymore. he watches you as you swallow his cum, licking his tip just to watch him shudder in pleasure as he gets subjected to the slight over sensitivity.

your breasts still look beautiful. he still wants to play with them.

sae finds that maybe his courage got lost with his cum. it takes everything in him to pull you up onto the couch, this time back in your original position next to him. he kisses you, a blatant disregard for tasting himself on your tongue.

it catches you by surprise, he can tell. if the little squeal in your throat is any indication.

“i’m starting to feel like we’re in one of those landlord-tenant situations.” you’re probably joking. just like you always like to when there’s an awkward silence.

sae doesn’t really feel awkward though. so maybe this is something else.

“well, i mean, if that’s what you’re into.”

you playfully shove him away, rolling your eyes as you tug his shirt back on over yourself. a smirk finds its way onto your face.

“you’re still horny?” a rhetorical question. it’s only asked because sae’s still hard.

his walls are wider than it’s ever felt. than it’s ever been. than it’s ever allowed to be.

sae pulls his pants back on, eyes on you as you take mini steps towards his side of the apartment.

“what do you expect when that’s the best i’ve felt in my life?”

you stifle a laugh when even with his pants on, his tent is still so obvious.

you must be feeling a little bold, because you open up his bedroom door by yourself, giving him a look that he can only equate to come hither.

oddly, he doesn’t feel any sense of shame when his feet carry him to you. when his hands tug you into his room, when your feet tumble against one another’s and you end up on top of him on the bed.

he feels no shame letting you blow him again. he feels no shame letting you swallow all of him for the second time tonight.

there’s only a split second of bashfulness when he asks you to sleep with him. in the literal sense.

but you don’t see anything wrong with it. you don’t say anything. you don’t agree, you don’t reject. you only give a weak laugh as you lay beside him, his hair messed up to fuck and laying there questioning where all his stamina went.

you fall asleep within seconds, just laying there on your side of the bed.

sae takes one more chance at being shameless, wrapping his arm around your torso, letting himself fall asleep.

sae’s a winner.

he has a track record of all wins in all matches. he’s excellent at what he does. the calm and composed one. the one who has his shit together.

but right now he feels like a total loser.

sae brisks out of his bedroom, wondering if you treated him like a one night stand. even if he didn’t stick it inside you. even if he barely got a chance to help you.

jumping the gun, maybe, but he’s already thinking of ways to convince you that it doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to.

his brisk walk turns slow when he realises you’re just washing up in the guest toilet, an embarrassment hanging over his head at his slight overreaction.

when you waltz out of the bathroom, sae’s quick to act normal. can’t let you see any of his shortcomings just yet.

you spend yet another day at his apartment. this time, sae’s right there with you. doesn’t have to conform to any schedules, doesn’t have to wish the girl he’s spending time with is you.

because it is you.

turns out you also want to get to know him.

you open the windows and try meditating with him. the morning yoga comes right after.

“you really do this every morning?” you ask him while your body tries to adjust to the downward dog.

sae tries not to laugh.

“mhm.”

he runs slower than his usual speed later in the park. doesn’t want you to quit on him before you’ve even begun. you can only make it half his usual route and he acts like it’s normal, tells you you’re already very good.

sae squeezes in questions whenever he can.

slowly, at first. stuff pertaining to you and otoya’s friendship. stuff like university and middle school and how you slapped otoya he nearly quit being your friend.

you’re an open book when it comes to friendship.

you admit what you had with otoya was just physical, admit that you’ve never tried anything more, that it was a stupid phase and he’s really just a friend.

sometimes sae can’t help but wonder whether you’re trying to convince him or yourself.

he starts to ask about stuff you like when you’re preparing lunch together. he learns a little more about you the same time he’s learning how to chop vegetables right.

it’s harder than he thought.

both of it.

you used to like baking. you made some money with it. you love the smell of home cooked food and you’ve always wanted to try that bar you’ve heard about that serves killer sushi and is housed at the top of a skyscraper.

by the time sunset hits and the river that’s sold as part of his apartment’s view starts shimmering with the orange hue, he touches on the topic of your family.

that one, you’re not so keen about.

sae can tell from the drop of your smile and the light fading from your eyes. he tries to ignore it but he’s curious. aren’t they fundamentally who made you what you are?

he can’t help himself.

between the silences, all either of you can think about is what is this thing, between the two of you? but neither of you have the balls to ask.

the day is almost perfect.

sae doesn’t feel like he is who he always thought he was. he doesn’t feel like the revered soccer player that nearly everyone knows. he doesn’t feel like he has any larger-than-life obligations.

if this is what a normal day feels like between normal people, then he thinks maybe this is what he wants. the feel of you by his side, doing things together or even just existing.

there’s a calm you bring that he can’t find in anyone or anything else.

it’s different than the kind of serenity playing soccer gives him, but it makes him addicted all the same. his mind chants the same mantra the whole time—he wants you. just you. only you.

dinner’s ready and sae’s hungry. your stomach’s growling too, just as it was about half an hour ago. he’s placing the dishes on the dining table while you excuse yourself to check on your messages.

something about how your colleagues have no sense of personal space. something like that.

he expects to see you bounding out of the corridor as usual, a little hop in your footsteps. a hum to a tune he thinks you make up.

instead, what he gets is the heavy trudging of the heels of your feet, the same kind he gives oliver when he’s weary and groggy and just wants to go home instead of getting another drink.

sae’s a quick learner. he really is. he learned how to talk to you, learn more about you. he can learn how to tiptoe around subjects you don’t feel up for talking about.

but there’s this mulishly desperate part of him that aches to know more about you. especially when your expression shows a side of you he’s never seen.

he feels on edge. he feels out of the know. he feels like he has to know.

“hey, what’s wrong?”

your bag is looped around your shoulder, the frustration on your face eking into every part of your body. your movements are erratic, your arms swing by your side. it takes you too long to find your shoes in the genkan.

“nothing, i have to go.”

your voice quivers like you’re trying not to break. sae’s heart doesn’t know how to feel about that. his hand reaches out before he can consider alternatives. it wrestles to take hold of your wrist but you pull it away before he can get a firm grip.

“y/n, tell me.” he’s nearly pleading with you this time, his feet heavy in the entryway.

all he knows is that he doesn’t want you to go. doesn’t want you to feel however you’re feeling alone.

but he doesn’t know a thing about you when it comes to whatever this is. and where the walls expanded, they crash down all over him the same. you’re shutting him out, a punishment that he was pardoned off all along until this moment.

when you don’t say a word, just stand with your back facing him as you struggle to put your shoes on right, sae tries again.

his head doesn’t know when to tell him that enough’s enough. doesn’t know the little nooks and crannies of you that prefer to be left alone sometimes.

“oh my god, what do you want?”

this time, you turn around and face him, and he’s not quite sure how to process the fact that there are already tear streaks on the side of your face.

“tell me what’s going on, let me help you.” sae’s not sure either how he managed to say that without choking on his words. he’s a mix of fear and concern. like if he says a single thing wrong and you’ll slip away forever.

his words make your heart ache. they do. because you want to believe that. you want to believe he means it. but the excessively distrustful part of you, the one that remembers baring your heart out to your partner only to have it flipped around on you is the one that’s ruled your mind since the relationship ended.

protect yourself. even in the wrong ways. just leave them before they get to leave you. disappoint them before they get a chance to do that to you.

a scoff leaves your throat, more harsh than you intended it to be.

“help me? itoshi, you barely know me.”

your heart drops. you’re sure sae’s drops further. the words come out of you uncontrollably.

you’re sorry. very sorry.

“what can you help me with, huh?” the slight upturn on your lips is all sneer and vile and nothing nice.

sae only hears you out.

you wish he somehow hears the words you’re thinking instead of what you’re saying.

you’re sorry.

“listen, you’ve been very nice to me, thanks. i’m pretty sure there are lots of other girls out there more deserving than me, so really, i’m grateful that you wasted a couple of days on me.”

sae’s expression doesn’t change. a subtle mix of confusion and heartache and you want to kill yourself for being so stupid.

“but we’re nothing to each other, okay? we’re barely even friends! you don’t need to concern yourself about me.”

it’s like you can feel the effort that’s waiting to pour out of him. the kind that would threaten you to take a step back and pour your heart out instead of letting your sharp tongue loose.

you can’t risk that. you don’t think you can.

“the jig’s up. i tried making friends with you so i could get more scoop, okay? it’s easier for you to approve it if you like me. that’s all there is to it. so please, i’m begging you,” you pause, the words catching in your throat because you could never mean them. “please just leave me alone.”

that seems to do it.

the effort that was waiting to pour out feels like it stopped. sae doesn’t have any other words to say. he doesn’t waste his energy on stopping you as you leave the apartment, letting the heavy mahogany close behind you naturally.

you don’t look back.

sae doesn’t look away.

it’s foolish of you to think that an escape with sae could help. it puts things off. it doesn’t help. nothing does. you should’ve known better by now.

you rush out of his building, a haze of gormless mixed with desultory. you don’t notice anything or anyone else. not even the figure that stares at you in shock as you exit the lift.

these two days were the best days of your life.

now it’s time to wake up.

she’s both the reason and the bane of your existence. 

your mother desperately points towards you when you make your way towards your front door. she has absolutely no qualms about giving you up just so she can see another day.

there’s multiple men by your front door. big, burly men. a lean, muscular one stands in the middle, his hand holding a fistful of your mother’s hair.

it’s the first time you’ve seen them. you’ve lost track of how many loan sharks your mother knows.

it takes nearly half an hour and half a million yen to shut them up and get them on their way. not without the leader among them giving you a kiss on the cheek and a warning that you won’t get to save your mother so easily the next time.

pervertic. that’s what you think his thoughts are.

usually you’re magnanimous. you’d let your mother get a word or five in before you give up on listening. tonight, you’re not so.

she’s just ruined your perfectly constructed dream day with someone who seems so foolishly earnest you nearly feel bad for him having to associate with someone like you.

someone with problems like this.

you walk the same path. you lock your own door and slump onto your own bed. you can hear the annoying springs and the chip of the paint surrounds you. right now you’re coming undone faster than the paint.

it isn’t raining but you wish it is. maybe it’ll be easier to drown out the noise of you crying. right now you’ll have to settle for burying your head in your pillow, the only comfort of your earlier time spent with sae arrested in the confines of his shirt you wore home.

a call comes in and you forget to check who it is. you pick it up without much thought.

if it’s sae you’ll just hang up. he shouldn’t have to associate with someone like you. someone who’ll only bring him problems.

but it’s not sae.

“oi, idiot.”

you’d recognise the voice of your best friend anywhere, through any medium.

you don’t say anything. you can’t, really. not when both your nostrils are blocked and if you open your mouth you’d just make an insufferably pained noise.

eita doesn’t say anything for a while either. he only hears the slightly muffled sound of your sniffing. it takes him only a second to extend himself.

“spare key still under the vase?”

you let out a noise of acknowledgement. he’s your best friend. he knows how to tell apart your responses by noise. he should understand.

he does.

you hear the familiar sound of his kawasaki revving to life.

“wait for me, okay?”

you do. only because you can’t sleep and eita likes to speed. he’s good at riding his bike so you’re never worried. he makes it there faster than you think he ever did.

there’s no shrill nagging when he unlocks the door. your mother must either be asleep or she’s already off trying to make your life more of a living hell. either way, it’s good she’s not here.

fuck her.

when he comes through your door, his own set of keys for your room nestled safely in his keychain, he doesn’t say a word. he only takes his place behind you, wrapping his arms around your shoulder, resting his chin on your head as you involuntarily sob into his arms.

he doesn’t say a thing. doesn’t need to.

his arms are a comfort in itself.

it’s familiar. never foreign. never scary.

re: taglists — since it’s been a while, i’ll discontinue the old taglist & start a new one :) it’s cool if you don’t want to be tagged anymore ! if you still do, just let me know !! but please make sure you are 18+ and have your age somewhere obvious & visible on your blog <3

[ludwig-van-gaythoven]

Cabin Fever - (Regina George x F Reader) Part 5

Fandom;

Mean Girls (2024)

Pairings:

Regina George x Reader

Summary:

The students of Northshore go on a school trip for a week in the forest. You end up getting to know the apex predator in a way you’d never seen her before.

Warnings;

Underage smoking, underage drinking, Claustrophobia, homophobia mention

Parts;

Part1// Part 2// Part 3// Part 4// Part 5// Part 6

“Why the fuck is Regina in your room? Why are you even speaking to her? Dude! Fucking answer me!”

Janis’s voice is so loud down the tiny phone speaker that it makes it buzz like an annoying little mosquito.

You scowl and resist the creeping urge to hang up, and throw your phone far far away, maybe off a cliff. You click the volume down and try and muffle the sound of Janis ranting down the speaker by shoving the receiver deep into your pocket, but it’s too late.

Regina has already left. Her bedsheets are left thrown back and crumpled, she usually fixes the blankets back to perfection so she clearly left in a hurry.

You grab your jacket with a huff and stomp outside the cabin to stand in your usual smoking spot and light a much needed cigarette before putting the phone up to you ear.

Janis is still yelling, finishing a sentence you didn’t hear the start of. Some accusation about alliances with the enemy.

“Fucking hell, Janis! It’s not that big of a deal!” You finally snap.

The phone goes silent. It’s a welcome break but you know she’ll start up again.

“Yeah sure, my best friend suddenly being pals with Regina George, not a big deal.” She snarks. “Can I just remind you, that bitch nearly ruined my life! Is that why you’re ignoring my calls? Because you’re too busy becoming plastic?”

You sigh. “It’s not like that.”

That’s true. You haven’t been morphed into some sort of Barbie doll all of a sudden just because you spent some time with Regina. To be truthful, you realise Regina isn’t really like that either. She’s a little messy, she’s flawed, but you think she’s more perfect like that. Your face softens slightly at the memory of yesterday, her mascara dripping down her cheeks with a big grin plastered on her face. She wears a fake mask to protect anyone from seeing her real personality. You get it. It’s easier to take a rejection when you haven’t really shown your true identity.

Your heart aches to defend her. To tell Janis to back off, but you can’t. She wouldn’t understand.

“Look, she got roomed with me because she got drunk with Gretchen and Karen on the first night so the teachers wanted to split them up.” You explain as calmly as you can while your blood boils beneath the surface.

“So why didn’t you think to mention this when I called last?” She snaps back. She’s caught you there.

“Because I knew you’d go all revenge-crazed and pissed off like this!” You shout back. You hear Janis scoff.

“Whatever, I don’t give a shit about Regina. She literally means nothing to me! Less than nothing, I just want to see that bitch suffer-“

“Then why can’t you stop talking about her!” As soon as the words leave your mouth you regret them.

“Fuck you, man.” She doesn’t even give you a second before hanging up.

You take a long draw of the cigarette that’s spent most of its time burning away between your fingers. You felt guilty about arguing with Janis, she’d been your best friend since the start of high school, and you could still see the pain that Regina had caused was still playing on her. You didn’t know the full details but you knew that Regina had outed her in a cruel way and made her out to be obsessed just so she could be with a boy. But that was a while ago, people can change.

So why hadn’t you been able to tell her that you liked girls when she hinted at it? You couldn’t even trust her fully.

You couldn’t help your mind wandering to where Regina might be. That seems to be all you can think about recently. Regina. You never fell for her Queen Bee attitude, high school drama was boring to you, you’d rather steer clear of it. But this new, playful, carefree side to her? You couldn’t get enough of.

She’s probably snuck off to meet Gretchen and Karen. You were surprised that she’d actually followed rules for once and not gone to meet them yet. Was it because you had been there with her instead? She said last night that she had enjoyed hanging out with you.

How much of the phone call had she heard before she left?

You light another cigarette. It’s not like you to chain smoke like this but you can’t help it when you’re stressed. The smoke whirls out in front of you, lines of wispy grey entangle and then disappear in-front of your eyes.

You head back inside the cabin when you’re done. Regina still isn’t back.

You lift your bedsheets ready to try unsuccessfully to get some sort of rest and find tiny pieces of paper, shredded on your mattress. It’s the drawing Regina took.

She clearly heard more than she was meant to.

You brush it onto the floor, not bothering to collect the tiny scraps, that felt more like little broken pieces of your soul.

When you finally close your eyes you’re back in the clearing. This time you don’t feel afraid and you automatically start scanning the shadows between the trees. A pair of blue eyes catch yours, as usual, but as soon as you take a step forward,the big cat slinks back into the shadows and disappears.

When you wake up, Regina still isn’t back. Your stomach sinks. She probably won’t want to speak to you ever again, you won’t even get a chance to explain.

You know you have to be up and ready in 20 minutes but you don’t want to get out of bed, or risk bumping into Regina.

It’s pretty hot outside and you’re not sure what the activity will be today so you put on a black tank and some loose khaki trousers. Regina must have been back when you were asleep because her bed is made and her cupboard door is left open.

When you go over to the campfire pit, she is already there. She’s standing around with the usual two girls but she’s also next to Shane Oman.

That makes you nauseous. He’s grinning and so obviously checking Regina out.

She starts running her hand up and down his bicep and over his chest, giggling and leaning into him. He’s loving it and has a hand around her waist. You turn around so you don’t have to look at whatever show they’re putting on.

It feels like she’s doing it just to spite you.

Seeing her that close to him makes your stomach knot with jealousy, it shouldn’t, it’s not like you’re together.

“Okay everyone listen up! Today and tomorrow are the last days of camp, so you will be hiking and setting up your own camp for tonight. This will combine all of the skills you have learnt this week!” There’s a dull chatter of excitement as maps are passed around and people start getting into groups.

You secretly hoped you’d be paired in cabin groups so Regina might actually hear you out and stop being so pissed off. It would get her away from Shane too.

Much to your annoyance, you’re told you have to pair up with Regina, Gretchen, Karen and Shane because apparently it’s unsafe to go alone.

You’d actually rather be eaten by a bear.

Each group is given a tent, you’re given two, the teachers tell you Shane has to stay in one separately but you know that won’t happen. You’re hoping you can just keep that tent for yourself. You’re also given other supplies like cooking utensils, scissors, a mallet, rope etc.

Shane offers to carry both tents in a pitiful attempt to seem strong and manly. Regina plays straight into it and makes a big deal out of grabbing Shane’s hand and feeling his arms.

It makes you roll your eyes. You’re sure you see the corners of Regina’s lips curve in a smirk.

You end up carrying one of the tents anyway, it’s pretty heavy but at least it gives you an excuse to stay at the back of the group, it’s not like you’ll have anything to talk to them about.

Regina walks in-front of you with Karen and Gretchen on one side, and Shane on the other. You’re pretty sure everyone has forgotten your existence, apart from Regina perhaps.

She’s wearing a black crop top and baby pink mini skirt, it makes being behind the group kind of worth it.

After about 2 hours you get to a dead end, there’s a large rock ledge with a few crude dips for you to put your hands and feet to climb up. There are thick shrubs either side to stop anyone going around. This must be what they meant by testing the skills you’d learnt.

Regina goes up first, Shane is standing almost directly underneath her and is grinning to himself. It makes your stomach turn. She climbs up easily, and stands with her arms folded impatiently when she gets to the top.

Shane goes up next, again making a big deal of being so manly, he practically jumps from one step to re other up the ledge. It makes you cringe. He looks more like an ape.

Regina catches your expression and as soon as he’s up she’s all over him again. Is this some sort of punishment? But why would she be trying to make you jealous that way?

You go up last. It’s not too high so you’re not really afraid.

“Don’t fall, loser.” Regina spits and the whole group burst out laughing.

It stings but you ignore it and carry on walking behind them once you reach the top. Whatever she’s trying to do, to get under your skin, to piss you off, you’re not going to give her the satisfaction.

You notice Shane’s hand sneak down from her waist towards her ass and Regina visibly stiffens and moves away slightly.

Soon enough you come to a small opening in the rocks, must be the second challenge. Even from behind you see Regina tense up. It’s just a narrow crawl space that likely pops out quickly on the other side. There’s a wall of rock that seems impossible to climb that looks to go on for a while either side.

Shane goes through first, followed by Gretchen and Karen.

“I’m not fucking doing that.” Regina huffs once it’s just the two of you, raising her hands. “I’ll walk around.”

“It looks like you’ll be walking for a while.” You try and reason, but she’s already started walking.

“I’ll come with you.” You’re not sure why you offer. The suns setting slightly and you don’t like the idea of Regina going alone. Even if it is just a few minutes to walk around the obstacle.

You follow behind in silence as she walks along the rock wall, thinking about all the things you wish you could say. I’m sorry about what Janis said, I don’t agree with her. I like hanging out with you, I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, inside and out.

You want to reach out and take her hand like she was doing with Shane, especially since now you know how soft she is.

You want to gently cup her face and kiss her, feel her soft lips and be intoxicated by her warm vanilla scent. You want to ask her on a date, maybe go to the movies, take her for a nice dinner, kiss her on the front porch.

All the things she’s probably done, or will do with Shane.

It feels like you’re walking for ages, it’s quite a lot darker than when you started. Regina keeps a quick pace ahead of you. Her face fixed in a permanent scowl.

You finally turn the corner and see the entrance to the small cave.

Nobody is there, they’ve left. How long did it even take you to walk round anyway?

“What the FUCK.” She screams. It’s so loud you swear you see birds scattering off their branches. “What bitches!”

She growls and flops down, sitting on a fallen tree trunk. You can see a glimmer of hurt and confusion in her eyes.

“It’s getting dark. We have one of the tents , we should set up some kind of camp.” You say, dropping the tent bag on the floor.

“Whatever. I’m not helping though.” She huffs. You don’t bother arguing, you can tell she’s hurt and you don’t want to make things worse.

You unzip the tent bag and start pulling out poles. There are no instructions and all of the poles look identical. You start arranging them in a way that sort of resembles a tent, you bend the long metal pole and try to force it into a fabric sleeve of the tent material, you think it’s secure and let go but it pings back up with such a force that the whole structure jumps. You leap back, the metal projectile misses your face by millimetres.

Regina’s watching you with an amused expression. It makes you blush. At least she’s in a better mood.

After about an hour of wrestling with tent fabric and poles, you’ve made a structure. You’re not sure if you can call it a tent, or if it’ll stay up but it provides some cover.

As night draws close it gets significantly colder so you collect some wood and dry grass for a small fire. Luckily you always carry your lighter so it was simple enough to start. Both you and Regina sit opposite sides of the fire, on the floor, the smoke isn’t as thick as the silence between you.

You dig around in your bag, hoping that maybe you packed some supplies from the bag the teachers gave you. The others must have most of the food and cooking equipment.

You did pack one thing

Marshmallows.

You hold the bag up to Regina who giggles and finds two thin sticks for you to roast them on over the fire. Neither of you speak still as you hold the stick, turning it every now and then.

You remember one other thing you packed secretly in your bag, you rifle through again and pull out a small hip flask of vodka and take a swig. With no mixer, the liquid burns all the way down to your stomach, you offer it to Regina who grimaces but takes the flask.

You sit for a while, toasting Marshmallows and passing the hip flask back and forth before one of you is buzzed enough to speak.

“You and Shane make a good couple.” You’re not sure why you even say it, you don’t think that at all. Regina seems tense around him and you’re pretty sure he’s only after one thing.

“I know.” She responds flatly. It’s unconvincing.

You swallow another dreadful mouthful of vodka. It feels like willingly swallowing paint thinner.

“Why did you screw over Janis?”

Her brows furrow, she reaches for the flask and takes a drink. That was definitely the wrong thing to say but the vodka makes words tumble out before your brain has a chance to screen them.

“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “I guess you think I’m a bad person.” She doesn’t meet your gaze and her tone sounds defeated and a little ashamed.

“ I don’t.” You say quickly. “You must have had a reason.”

“Yeah… I did.” She sighs.

You decide not to push it any further.

“Are you looking forward to camp being over?” You decide to try and divert the conversation.

“Not really, there’s not as much pressure here to perform. I don’t like being a bitch you know, it’s just school, it’s survival of the fittest.” She starts “Out here I feel free. I actually miss middle school, I wish I never went to that party, or kissed Janis. I’m sick of everyone thinking I’m fake, nobody treats me like an actual person.”

She looks up at the night sky, a small tear running down her cheek, catching the moonlight which makes it look like a diamond.

“Being with you has felt free.”

Your heart skips a beat. You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol but you get the courage to go and sit next to her. You gently put your arm around her shoulders and she relaxes into you.

You fit together like a puzzle.

You look up and scan the stars with your eyes and find what you’re looking for. You point up to 3 stars in a row.

“There’s Orion’s Belt. Those 3 stars are several times bigger than the sun, and they burn tens of thousands of times brighter.”

Her gaze falls to where you’re pointing.

“It kind of reminds me of you, Karen and Gretchen.” Regina laughs at this. “You shine brighter than anyone else at the school. I know what you mean about just trying to survive, just try not to burn so bright you burn out. You’re perfect enough as you are.”

She sighs, her hand is on your lap now and you struggle to concentrate on the stars.

“And that one sort of looks like a lion” You point up again, Orion’s Belt is the only one you recognise. Luckily this makes her giggle more.

She lifts her head at the same time you turn. She’s so close you can see the stars reflecting in her eyes. In this moment you realise you have two options.

A look of hesitation crosses her face and she starts to pull away.

You make a sudden, probably stupid decision.

As soon as your lips meet you see stars explode behind your eyelids. Her lips are just as soft as you imagined, it takes a second before she’s kissing you back. Her hands reach up and tangle in your hair. It’s gentle and rough all at the same

You pull away. “ I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t-“

She cuts you off with another quick, soft kiss.

“I’m tired, I’m going to sleep.” She says, standing and walking over to the tent which is shockingly still standing.

You’re left, sitting on the ground next to the now dwindling fire, kept warm by the redness in your cheeks. You pull out a cigarette and light it on the smouldering fire.

The star lion in the sky beams down at you.

[shytastemakerthing]

hi!! How are you? I hope you have a great day! ^^

Ngl, i'm in love with the Albino!reader series

So, can you do a Albino!reader with a pomefiore dorm (like imagine Vil first time meeting them) orr a diasomnia dorm (some of them might think that they are a fae) orr maybe Rollo (he might think that Albino!reader is an angel at first)? (You can pick one you like or all, it's fine!)

Thank you! And keep it up with your writting talent! ( ＾∀＾)

A/N: We are now on dorm number 4 with our albino!reader series! I am so glad that you guys are rather liking this one, I am enjoying it as well! As I have already done Pomefiore dor, I will be doing Diasomnia + Rollo for this request!

Tw: None

Request: Diasomnia family + Rollo with albino!reader

Headers and dividers made by @blueberry-pride and @cafekitsune

(I apologize for the constant tags, I simply wish to give credit for the lovely headers and dividers :) )

Instantly captivated by you the first time he had laid upon your form

It was late in the night, the moon high in the sky when he had first seen you out walking along an older pathway that was slightly hidden underneath overgrown vegetation

Underneath the light of the silver moon, the flickering of fireflies, he found himself utterly speechless and completely drawn to you

At first, he thought you to be a diurnal fae, until he gazed upon your very human ears

Albinism you say?

It was the first he had heard of such a condition

And the light of the sun and the heat that it emits can be very dangerous for you? Damage your skin and your eyes?

Well, that just won't do

Hence why you are often seen more around Diasomnia (after managing to talk him out of keeping the sun away as we know how this fae's mood can affect the weather)

It is usually quite dark there and there is a certain chill in the air that should keep you nice and safe

Simply say the word and you will have a full, new wardrobe that will cater to keeping your skin safe from the sun

He grows to enjoy each visit you grace him with, looking forward to each one

Yes, his grandmother knows of you

And yes, she wishes to see you when her beloved grandson invites you to Briar Valley during the next school break

This fae is essentially 700 years old, you are not the first person he has seen with albinism

But you are certainly the first he has seen where he nearly mistook you for a Diurnal fae. Everything about you just radiated the presence of one

But when you were now facing him, able to see your human eyes and ears, he was pleasantly surprised

Will absolutely charm you to the moon and back without hesitation, he has no shame

Will be the epitome of a gentleman, and you will have the pleasantries of being courted the old fashioned way in fae culture

At his age, there is no time to dally around, and Lilia finds himself fully captivated by you

Do you like children?

Also, keep him away from the kitchen and do not eat anything he has made if you value your life

He often invites you for tea in the Diasomnia lounge room, something the both of you rather enjoy

Oftentimes, when you fall asleep when with one another, he allows a gentle smile to come to his face, brushing your hair back before holding you close

Perhaps you would like to travel with him? With his life soon drawing to a close, there is no one else he would rather spend it with (aside from silver, that is)

He has heard the tales of Diurnal fae from essentially everyone in his family, from Lilia, others in Briar Valley, and even in books that he has read

And from afar, everything about your appearance screamed that you were, in fact, a Diurnal fae

One whose beauty that could be described as ethereal

......what do you mean you're human?

You, a full blooded human, look more akin to a fae, than him, someone who is half-fae

No, he is not mad.....

Maybe a bit self conscious about it, but not angry

.....are you sure that you have no fae lineage in your blood? It was always a possibility

Albinism?

Ah, he had briefly heard of such a condition, but had never seen it before with his own eyes

Instantly thought that Diasomnia would be the best place for you after hearing about the damage that the sun and heat can do to you

Gathered advice from Lilia

Good or bad, you can decide

But you two are often either seen in Diasomnia together in the lounge with small snacks discussing books or in the library further away from the windows studying

Has offered his jacket to you on more than one occasion to cover your skin from the sun

You complimented his skill as a knight (in training), and how much for a gentleman he was, you instantly saw him fighting that grin on his face as he straightened himself up quite a bit

Lilia commented that he looked like the cat that just got the cream once he was back at the dorm

Was this how his mother felt when she fell in love with his father?

He will have to inquire more information for the future

Always commented on how Briar Valley would be the perfect place to be. The weather was cooler, and the sun wasn't as bright. Even then, the forests helped to block sunlight in most places

Not to mention, he thought you would look absolutely stunning in Briar Valley clothing

Already planning on getting pictures, he wants to carry one around with him like the knights of old did with their loved ones when they were sent out

Perhaps you would like to come with him back home during winter break?

His mother is absolutely dying to meet the human who has softened her son's heart

The entire family is (even good old grandpa Baul)

Sevens, help anyone who manages to see both of you together. Between his calm aura and gentle beauty, and your ethereal glow, there's no doubt that you two are seen as the most captivating on campus (even Vil believes that after seeing both of you together)

It all started when he was returning from club activities, on the verge of falling asleep once more before something rather bright caught his eye

For once, it woke this man up as he made his way over to see who happened to be behind such an image

Only to see you, moving to sit in a meadow underneath a tree, pulling out a book, seeming to relax

Thought you to be a fae first as well, Diurnal, in fact based on your appearance

But after correcting him, he let a slight smile come to his face

Seeing the drowsy look return to his eyes, you offered a spot for him to lay, he did, you read, and the rest was history

Silver always helped to keep you protected from the sun, covering your shoulders with his jacket, informing you of the weather for the day, and anything in between

His father raised him to be a gentleman

You are often seen accompanying him to various places, even helping him after he had just fallen asleep

Lilia is begging you to marry his son already, you are literally perfect

Perhaps you would like to join Silver on a trip back home? He is certain you would quite like the quaint little cottage he calls home

An angel, that is the first thing that came to his mind the moment that he first laid eyes upon you

It was weeks after what happened during the Glorious Masquerade when he found himself now at NRC

He was still trying to find his way around this rather large school (he really underestimated the size of this college, especially when taking into account the pocket dimensions that held the dorms), when he first saw you walking through the courtyard with a parasol over your head and books in your other hand

Everything about you seemed to just be glowing

Oh

....oh

You're looking in his direction

No

You're looking at him

That smile would be the end of him, he could see it all happening now. and now you are walking towards him

Is he lost?

What did he do to be blessed with your presence?

Thus, he found himself being led by you to class and after, a full tour to help him remember where everything was

It was where he asked if you truly were an angel

Tried not to be disappointed when you denied, discovering that you had merely been born with albinism

Well, it looks like there was more to you than what he had first thought

Perhaps you would like to join him one day in the City of Flowers? He is certain that you would enjoy yourself, he would make sure of that, himself.

Thank you for your request! Is it easy to tell who was my favorite? Have a wonderful day/night!

[emjayewrites]

hey there, delilah • jude bellingham (7/8)

SYNOPSIS: Real Madrid football star Jude Bellingham has had a big crush on Delilah "Lila" Hamilton, the younger sister of Formula 1 legend Lewis Hamilton, for a while. As their budding romance unfolds, will they be able to navigate the pressures of fame and family dynamics?

PAIRINGS: Jude Bellingham x Delilah "Lila" Hamilton (face claim Rayan Xasan)

WARNINGS: cursing, f1/football b.s., overly protective siblings, eventual smut (18+/minors dni)

TAGLIST: @dreamingjude @foreverisntenough @nichmeddar @hopefulromantic1 @lettersofgold @judesbabymamas @perfecttrashface @alika-4466 @cocobutterqwueen @leilaxaliel @ispywithmylileye @vile-harlot @bellinghaalands @certifiedlesbianbaddie @yeea-nah @empressdede @saturnville @pinkcatcus @shepgurl @trentswrld @taytropicana

A/N: Please note that this is a work of fiction and some things may not sound "exactly correct" but bear with me to make this work. Let me know if you like to be removed/added to the taglist.

The final whistle blew, signaling the end of England's hard-fought match against Switzerland. The 1-1 draw left Jude with mixed feelings as he ran a hand through his damp curls, still catching his breath as he joined the line of players at midfield. As they went through the post-game ritual, shaking hands with the opposing team, Jude exchanged tired but respectful nods with the Swiss players.

"Good game, mate," he muttered to one of the Swiss midfielders.

"You too," came the reply. "See you in the finals, maybe?"

Jude grinned. "We'll see about that."

His mind, though, was already drifting away from the game. He had a day off tomorrow, and all he could think about was how he planned to spend it.

As he jogged back towards the tunnel, Trent caught up with him. "Big plans for tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Jude nodded, unable to keep the smile off his face. "Heading to Silverstone for Lewis' race."

Trent raised an eyebrow. "Southgate actually agreed to that?"

Jude chuckled. "Barely. Had to promise I'd be back before dawn the following day."

In the locker room, as he showered and changed, Jude's thoughts were filled with anticipation for the next day. His relationship with Lila had blossomed in ways he hadn't expected. They had only been together for a month, but Jude was sure about her—more sure than almost anything else in his life.

Once they arrived back to the resort, he immediately packed his bag, and his phone buzzed with a message from Lila:

Great game! Can't wait to see you. Safe travels 💋

His smile widened as he typed back:

Thanks, babe. See you soon.

The journey to England felt both endless and too quick. Before he knew it, Jude was walking through the arrivals gate at Heathrow, scanning the crowd for Lila's face.

"Jude!" Her voice cut through the airport noise, and suddenly she was there, wrapping him in a tight hug.

"Hey, you," he murmured into her hair, breathing in her familiar scent.

As they drove to Lewis' home in London, Jude couldn't help but marvel at how natural it all felt. "So, ready for your first British Grand Prix?" Lila asked, glancing at him as she navigated the London traffic.

"More than ready," Jude grinned. "Though I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous about meeting your whole family."

Lila laughed. "Don't be. They're going to love you. Though fair warning, my dad might try to grill you a bit."

"I can handle it," Jude said confidently, though his stomach did a little flip. He exhaled a deep breath. This was it - another step in their relationship, another piece falling into place. And despite the whirlwind pace of the past month, despite the pressure of the upcoming semi-finals and Southgate's warnings, Jude felt ready. Ready for whatever came next, as long as Lila was by his side.

When they pulled up to Lewis' house, Jude's eyes widened. The home stood in an affluent London neighborhood, its traditional British style exuding both elegance and charm. Jude couldn't help but think how posh yet cool it looked - not that he'd expected anything less from Lewis. His own place in Madrid was nice, and his mum had done some renovations, but it wasn't quite like this.

"You okay?" Lila asked, noticing his momentary hesitation.

Jude turned to her, his eyes softening. "Never better," he said, leaning in for a quick kiss before they stepped out of the car and as they walked along the gravel path to the front door, Jude's curiosity got the better of him. "So, what did Lewis pay for this place?" he asked, gesturing to the impressive façade.

Lila shrugged. "Honestly, I'm not sure. He bought it when I was about 13. I know it was a lot, but the exact figure? No clue."

Lila used her key to enter, and they were immediately greeted by the sound of barking. Roscoe, Lewis' English bulldog, came bounding towards them.

"What's up, boy?" Jude said, reaching down to pet the dog. But Roscoe growled, causing Jude to jump back slightly. "Jeez, he acts just like your brother towards me," he muttered.

Lila giggled. "It takes Roscoe some time to warm up to new people. Don't worry, he'll come around."

Jude wasn't so sure, but he followed Lila through the house, past the foyer, and into one of the living areas. His eyes were drawn to the family photos adorning the walls. One, in particular, caught his attention - a 20-year-old Lewis holding a tiny baby Lila inside a hospital's NICU.

"This you, innit?" Jude asked, though he already knew the answer.

"Yeah," Lila confirmed softly.

"You were so small," Jude noted. "And Lewis was so young."

"But a bit too old to be a brother to a newborn," she added jokingly.

A small smirk tugged at Jude's lips. "Yeah, I guess you can say that, but he looks so proud here. You're really his baby, huh?" He glanced back at Lila, who tilted her head in confusion.

"What?"

Jude shrugged. "I mean, you were born on his birthday and more than half of these pictures on the wall have you in them. You're definitely his baby, and him acting the way he does makes total sense now."

Lila just squinted her eyes at her boyfriend. "Okay, Jude…" she said, trailing off, not sounding too convinced.

They made their way through a pair of sliding doors to the garden, where Jude spotted Lewis and other members of Lila's family near the grill area. Surprisingly, it was one of those weirdly nice days in London - less cold than usual and perfect for a summer evening barbecue.

As they approached the group, Jude felt a mix of nervousness and excitement. Lila started pointing people out. "Right, so this is everyone. Jude, meet Mumma Carmen, Lewis' mum." A warm-looking woman smiled at him. "And this is my mum, Linda." Jude noticed Linda was a white woman with blonde hair and blue eyes - like a fair-skinned version of Lila, with the same nose.

"Over here's my brother Nicolas," Lila continued, nodding towards a guy who gave Jude a friendly wave. Jude noticed Nicolas moved a bit differently, probably due to the cerebral palsy Lila had mentioned before. "He races too," Lila added, sounding proud.

"Then we've got Samantha and Nicola, Lewis' sisters. I call 'em my sisters too," Lila grinned.

Finally, she gestured to a man by the grill. "And that's my dad, Anthony."

"Holy shit," Jude muttered, "that's a lot of people."

A few laughs rippled through the group, Nicolas chuckling the loudest. Lewis and Anthony, though, just kept staring Jude down.

Linda broke the moment of tension. "My, you are tall, aren't you?" she said warmly. "Why don't you take a seat, Jude? You must be tired from your flight."

Jude plopped down gratefully, Lila sliding in next to him. He could still feel Lewis and Anthony's eyes boring into him.

"So, Jude," Nicolas leaned in, "that was some game against Switzerland, eh? That assist in the 67th minute was ace."

Jude perked up, grateful for the familiar topic. "Yeah, it was a tough one. Switzerland's defense is no joke."

Lewis finally broke his silence, taking a seat on the other side of Jude and Lila. "So, Jude," he started, his tone casual but his eyes still scrutinizing, "how's the Euros camp treating you?"

Jude, feeling the weight of Lewis' gaze, tried to keep his voice steady. "It's intense, but good. Southgate's got us working hard."

Anthony approached, setting plates of grilled corn, aubergines, and asparagus on the table. "And how exactly did you convince Southgate to let you come here?" he asked, his tone light but probing.

Before Jude could answer, Carmen stood up. "I'll get the potato salad and other things from the fridge."

"Need any help?" Jude offered quickly, eager for a potential escape.

Carmen smiled warmly. "That's kind of you, love, but I'm fine. Samantha can help me."

"Peanut," Anthony called, "can you help your mum and Nicola with some utensils and plates?"

Lila glanced at the table, confusion crossing her face. "But Daddy, we have—"

"Come on, sweetheart," Linda urged, gesturing for Lila to follow.

As Lila reluctantly got up, Jude felt a wave of panic.

Oh, fuck me.

Jude's eyes followed Lila until she disappeared out of his line of sight. Left alone with Lila's brothers, father, and a still-growling Roscoe, Jude scrambled for something to say. "You've got a lovely garden," he commented, his eyes darting to the well-manicured lawn and the gleaming pool. "The pool looks great."

Anthony's eyes narrowed slightly. "Yes, it is. Perfect for family gatherings. Speaking of family, Jude, what exactly are your intentions with my daughter?"

Jude gulped, feeling like he was suddenly in the hot seat. "Well, sir, I—"

"Because Lila's special," Anthony continued, his tone measured but firm. "She's not just another fling. She's got her own career, her own ambitions."

Lewis chimed in, his voice deceptively casual. "Yeah, and she's been through a lot. We're all pretty protective of her."

Jude nodded, trying to keep his cool. "I understand that, and I respect it. Lila's amazing, and I—"

"You've been together what, a month?" Anthony interrupted. "That's not very long."

Jude took a deep breath, realizing this was his moment to stand his ground. "It might not be long, but I care about Lila. A lot. And I'm here because I want to be a part of her life - all of it. Including her family."

There was a moment of tense silence before Nicolas spoke up. "Give the lad a break, yeah? He's already facing Roscoe's wrath, isn't that enough?"

As if on cue, Roscoe let out another low growl. Jude couldn't help but chuckle nervously, grateful for the slight break in tension. He just hoped Lila would return soon - very soon.

Lewis let out a dark laugh. "He could use a bit more." He cut his eyes to Jude. "You can handle it, right, Jude?"

Jude rolled his eyes, feeling frustration bubble up. "You're something else, mate."

"Ooh, am I?" Lewis said, eyes wide with mock surprise. "I'm gonna let you have that one."

"I guess you are," Jude bit back, scowling at Lewis. Roscoe let out another growl and a sharp bark. His patience snapped. "I get it, okay? You love her, but I don't think you antagonizing me is necessary." Jude's eyes shifted to Anthony. "I honestly care for your daughter, Mr. Hamilton. Lila and I are growing into something serious, okay? I'm talking really serious... maybe marriage, who knows?"

All the men's eyebrows shot up at this.

"Yeah, I know it sounds weird, 'specially because we're both young, but it feels right," Jude continued, his voice firm. "And my mum likes her, and my annoying little brother too, so she's perfect in my eyes."

A tense silence followed, broken only by Nicolas' low whistle. "Well, damn," he muttered.

Anthony leaned forward, his expression unreadable. "That's... quite a statement, young man."

Before Jude could respond, Lila returned with her mum, Carmen, and the sisters. They started setting up the table, seemingly oblivious to the tension.

Jude's face softened as he looked at Lila. "This looks so good," he said, smiling up at her before leaning forward to kiss her cheek.

Carmen, noticing the strained atmosphere, spoke up. "Are you lot gonna keep snarling at Jude or are we going to eat?"

Lewis cracked a smile, then proceeded to put food on his plate. Anthony followed suit, though his eyes still flickered to Jude occasionally.

As everyone started to dig in, Lila leaned close to Jude. "Everything okay?" she whispered.

Jude nodded, squeezing her hand under the table. "Yeah, just... bonding with the family."

Linda raised her glass. "Well, let's eat! And Jude, dear, don't let these boys intimidate you. We're glad you're here."

"Thank you, Mrs. Hamilton," Jude said gratefully, digging into his food while still catching occasional glances from Lewis.

"Daddy, can you pass the corn please?" Lila asked, and both Jude and Anthony reached for it simultaneously. Jude immediately regretted his unconscious reaction as he saw the confused and almost petrified looks on Lewis and Anthony's faces.

Nicolas doubled over in laughter. "Oh my god, I fuckin' love this so much," he said between gasps, holding onto his stomach as Linda nudged him. When Nic finally calmed down, he let out an exaggerated "Whoo," wiping tears from his eyes.

Jude let out a nervous chuckle and passed the corn to Lila, catching her subtle glare. He mouthed a "sorry," knowing he'd be hearing about this later.

As they continued eating, Samantha turned to Jude. "So, Jude, Lila tells us you're quite the foodie. Any favorite spots in Madrid?"

Grateful for the change of subject, Jude launched into a description of his favorite tapas bar. As he spoke, he felt the tension slowly easing.

Nicola chimed in, addressing Lila. "How are the new designs for Petite Soeur coming along? Any sneak peeks for us?"

Lila's face lit up. "Actually, I've got some exciting ideas brewing. I'll probably need to head to New York after the Euro finals to source some fabrics."

"New York?" Jude asked, surprised. "You hadn't mentioned that."

Lila shrugged. "It's still in the planning stages. But yeah, probably a quick trip. Maybe a week or so."

Jude nodded, trying not to show his disappointment at the thought of Lila being away so soon after the tournament.

"You should go with her, Jude," Carmen suggested. "New York's lovely in the summer."

Jude glanced at Lila. "Yeah, maybe. If I can get the time off."

Midnight approached, and the night was finally winding down. The once-lively outside dining area now bore the remnants of their family dinner, with empty plates and half-filled glasses scattered across the table. Jude, fighting against the weight of exhaustion, diligently helped with the cleanup, determined to make a good impression until the very end.

Lila made her rounds, hugging each family member goodbye. Her embraces lingered a bit longer than usual, promising to see them tomorrow at Lewis' race. She carefully packed some leftovers into containers, planning to take them back to her flat.

In the warmly lit living room, Jude found himself alone with Nicolas while Lewis pulled Lila aside. Despite trying not to eavesdrop, snippets of their conversation drifted over.

"Why are you leaving? You usually stay before the British Grand Prix," Lewis asked.

"Not this time," Lila replied. "What about Jude?"

"He could stay at your flat," Lewis grumbled.

"I might as well stay with Jude," Lila said firmly.

When they returned, Nicolas looked at Lila with an exaggerated pout. "Leaving, Li?"

"Not you too!" Lila exclaimed. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Come on, Li," Nicolas persisted, his eyes lighting up with an idea. "We're going to play Mario Kart. You and Jude can sleep over here. Right, Lew?"

They all turned to Lewis, whose expression remained impassive. "He's not staying here," he said flatly.

"Lewis!" Nic admonished, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Jude felt relieved. He had no desire to stay at Lewis' house either and was looking forward to returning to Lila's comfortable flat where he knew he was welcome.

"Alright, we're going to head out," Lila said, motioning for Jude to stand, making him practically jump up.

Locking eyes with Lewis, Jude said, "See ya tomorrow, mate."

"Mmhmm," Lewis muttered.

Turning to Nicolas, Jude said, "See ya, Nic," dapping him up in a bro hug/handshake combination.

"See ya, Jude. Nice meeting you. See you on the paddock tomorrow," Nic replied warmly.

At least one brother like me.

As they prepared to leave, Lila hugged both her brothers, saving Lewis for last. "Is Amara coming to the race?" she asked, her tone deceptively innocent.

Nicolas' eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Who the hell is Amara?"

Lila and Jude exchanged shocked looks before Lila turned back to Lewis, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Oh, Lewis, you haven't told Nic about your new girl that's somewhat more than a friend? For shame!"

Lewis shot her a warning glare. "Lila..."

"Girlfriend? What?" Nic exclaimed. "Since when?"

"It's new," Lewis muttered, clearly uncomfortable. "And we're not even official."

"And apparently a secret," Lila added with a grin.

As they left, Jude couldn't help but feel a bit smug about the bomb they'd just dropped. Lewis deserved it for continuing to act like an asshole.

In the car, the soft melodies of Tems filled the silence as Lila navigated the quiet London streets. The tension from the evening slowly melted away, replaced by their usual comfortable dynamic.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Lila asked, glancing at Jude.

Jude chuckled, stretching his long legs as much as the car allowed. "Could've been worse, I suppose. At least your dad didn't actually grill me... on the barbecue, I mean."

Lila laughed, reaching over to squeeze his hand. "You did great. And hey, Nic likes you. That's a win in my book."

The next morning, Jude woke to the gentle buzz of Lila's alarm. Silverstone awaited. As he stretched, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep, he couldn't help but grin. Race day. With Lila. And her entire family. Again. No pressure, right?

"Morning, sleepyhead," Lila mumbled, her voice still thick with sleep. "Ready for some high-speed family bonding?"

Jude chuckled. "As ready as I'll ever be. Think your dad will try to strap me to the front of Lewis' car?"

Lila swatted his arm playfully. "Behave, you."

The drive to Silverstone was a blur of countryside and Lila's excited chatter about the race. As they pulled into the paddock, the roar of engines mingling with screaming fans, Jude felt a surge of adrenaline.

"Bloody hell," he muttered, taking in the chaos. "And I thought football fans were intense."

Hand in hand, they made their way through the crowd. Jude couldn't help but notice the double-takes, the whispers, the phones hastily raised to capture a picture of the footballer and the racer's sister.

"Jude! Lila!" Samantha's voice cut through the noise. She was wrangling two kids who looked like they'd mainlined sugar for breakfast.

"Hey, Sam," Lila greeted, hugging her sister. "Jude, meet Willow and Kaiden."

Jude crouched down, grinning at the kids. "Alright, you two? Ready to watch your uncle Lewis smoke everyone?"

Willow, the older of the two, eyed him suspiciously. "Are you really a football player?"

"Last time I checked," Jude replied, feigning uncertainty. "Maybe I dreamed it all. Quick, someone pinch me!"

Kaiden, never one to pass up an opportunity, obliged with enthusiasm.

"Ow! Okay, definitely not dreaming," Jude laughed, rubbing his arm dramatically.

As they made their way to the Mercedes garage, Jude spotted Anthony. The older man's expression was guarded, but softer than the previous night.

"Morning, Mr. Hamilton," Jude greeted, trying not to sound too eager.

"Jude," Anthony nodded. "Sleep well?"

"Like a log, sir. Your daughter's got a comfy flat."

Anthony's eyebrow twitched, and Jude immediately regretted his words. Foot, meet mouth.

"I mean, uh, the guest room was very nice," he backpedaled.

Lila, sensing the tension, quickly intervened. "Daddy, where's Mum? I wanted to show her something."

"Last time I saw her, she was with Carmen near the coffee station," her father answered.

"I'll be right back," Lila said, throwing Jude an amused look over her shoulder as she went to find her mother, and he found himself alone with the kids again.

"So," Willow started, her tone serious, "if you're really a footballer, can you do keepy-uppies?"

Jude grinned. "Can I do keepy-uppies? Watch this." He spotted a small stress ball on a nearby table and started juggling it with his feet.

"Not bad," Kaiden conceded, clearly impressed despite himself.

As Jude continued to entertain the kids, who had decided he was their new jungle gym, he caught Anthony watching him, a grudging smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Lila returned then, undoubtedly impressed. "You're good with them," she said softly.

Jude shrugged, trying to hide how pleased he was. "Kids are easy. It's their uncles I've got to worry about," he quipped, nodding towards where Lewis and her dad was chatting with his team.

Lewis glanced over, his expression unreadable. Jude gave a little wave, which Lewis returned after a moment's hesitation.

"Baby steps," Lila murmured.

The day stretched on, a whirlwind of pre-race excitement, strategy talks, and more family dynamics than Jude had bargained for. But as he stood there, Lila's hand in his, watching Lewis' car roar to life, he realized he wouldn't have it any other way.

"You good?" Lila whispered, squeezing his hand.

Jude nodded, grinning. "Never better. Though I might need you to protect me if Lewis doesn't win. I have a feeling I'd be the first one blamed."

Lila laughed, the sound almost lost in the roar of engines. "Don't worry, I've got your back. Now, let's watch my brother kick some ass."

As the race approached, Lila and Jude made their way to the Paddock Club, where they'd have a better view of the action. The walk there was like a red carpet event, with cameras flashing and fans calling out for autographs.

"Jude! Jude! Can I get a picture?" a young fan shouted, waving an England flag.

Jude obliged with a smile, posing for a quick selfie. "Cheers, mate. Enjoy the race!"

They settled into their seats, and the atmosphere was electric. The roar of engines filled the air as the cars lined up on the grid.

"God, I'll never get tired of this," Lila breathed, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

The race was a nail-biter from start to finish. Lewis fought his way through the pack, making daring overtakes and pushing his car to the limit. Jude found himself on the edge of his seat, caught up in the family's tension and excitement.

As Lewis crossed the finish line in first place, Lila jumped up, screaming with joy, her eyes brimming with tears. "He did it! Oh my God, he actually did it!" She turned to Jude, pulling him into a tight hug, laughing and crying at the same time.

Jude smiled, holding her close. "That was huge, Lila. Your brother’s a fuckin' legend."

It was unreal—Lewis had done it. After 945 days since he last won a Grand Prix, he finally done it, and at his home race no less.

They rushed down to parc fermé, where Lewis was celebrating with their dad and his team. As soon as he spotted Lila, he broke away, and she collided with him in a fierce hug.

"I'm so proud of you," Lila sobbed into his shoulder.

Lewis held her tight, his own eyes glistening. "Couldn't have done it without my lucky charm," he said, his voice thick with emotion.

As they broke apart, Jude stepped forward, fist outstretched. "Congrats, mate. That was some drive."

Lewis looked at him for a moment, then bumped his fist. "Thanks, Jude. Appreciate it. Now you got to win Euros, yeah?"

Jude grinned, a mix of surprise and determination in his eyes. "From your mouth to God's ears, mate. We'll do our best to bring it home."

Lewis nodded, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "I'll be watching. Don't let us down, Bellingham."

"No pressure then," Jude chuckled, feeling a strange sense of camaraderie with Lewis for the first time.

Lila, beaming at the exchange, wrapped an arm around each of them. "My two champions," she said, her voice filled with pride and affection.

The moment was interrupted by a swarm of reporters and cameras, all clamoring for Lewis' attention. As Lewis was pulled away for interviews, Jude felt Lila squeeze his hand.

"Thank you," she said softly. "For being here, for trying with my family. It means a lot."

Jude pulled her close, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. "Wouldn't want to be anywhere else, Li," he murmured against her skin, his voice low and warm.

Lila smiled up at him, her eyes glistening with emotion. She reached up, cupping his face as their lips met in a soft kiss, but what started as something gentle quickly grew more intense. Jude's hands tightened on her hips, pulling her closer as the world around them seemed to fade. Lila melted into him for a moment, feeling the heat rise between them, before gently pushing him back with a breathy laugh.

"Jude, we’re getting carried away," she whispered, glancing around to make sure no one was paying too much attention.

Jude pouted playfully, his lips grazing her ear. "Can you blame me?" he murmured. "I’ve missed you loads. Time with your family and Lewis’ race meant we didn’t get any… ‘special’ time." His tone was teasing, but his fingers traced delicate patterns along her waist, clearly eager for more.

Lila blushed, biting her lip as she leaned into him, whispering so only he could hear, "Don’t worry… I’ll make sure you get some later before you fly back to Germany."

Jude’s eyes darkened slightly, his smirk widening. “You better,” he growled softly, causing her to laugh.

"I promise," she teased, giving him one last lingering kiss before they both straightened up.

"So," he said, a mischievous glint in his eye as he nodded towards Lewis' race car, "reckon your brother will let me drive one of these things if we win the Euros?"

Lila laughed, shaking her head. "Let's not push our luck, Bellingham."

Jude grinned, undeterred. "Come on, I bet I'd look proper fit in one of those racing suits. Maybe I'll ask Toto for a spare suit."

"Oh yeah?" Lila raised an eyebrow, amused. "And what makes you think you can handle one of these beasts?"

Jude puffed out his chest dramatically. "Please, I can handle anything."

Just then, Roscoe trotted by, giving Jude a suspicious look.

"Well, almost anything," Jude amended, eyeing the dog warily. "Still working on winning over your furry bodyguard there."

Lila giggled, patting Roscoe's head. "Maybe we should start smaller. How about you learn to drive a regular car first?"

"Ouch," Jude clutched his chest in mock hurt. "Low blow, Hamilton. Low blow."

As they bantered, Anthony approached, overhearing the tail end of their conversation. "What's this about driving?" he asked, his eyebrow raised.

Jude tried to look innocent. "Just admiring the cars, sir. Impressive machines."

Anthony nodded slowly, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "They are indeed. Tell you what, Jude. You win the Euros, and maybe - just maybe - we'll let you sit in one. Engine off, of course."

Jude's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? I mean, yes sir, challenge accepted!" He turned to Lila, grinning from ear to ear. "Did you hear that? I'm halfway to being an F1 driver already."

Lila rolled her eyes fondly. "Don't get ahead of yourself, hotshot. You've still got a tournament to win."

"Details, details," Jude waved his hand dismissively, but his eyes sparkled with determination. "Just you wait, Li. I'll have that trophy in one hand and an F1 steering wheel in the other before you know it."

____________________________________________

Later that evening, back at Lila's flat, the playful banter from earlier still lingered in the air as Jude made himself comfortable on her sofa. The faint glow of the city filtered in through the windows, casting a soft light over the room. Lila sat beside him, her fingers absentmindedly running through his hair as they settled into the quiet intimacy of the moment.

Jude, still riding the high from their day at Silverstone, looked over at her, his gaze warm and filled with affection. "You know," he began, his voice low, "I wasn’t kidding about missing you. Feels like we've barely had a moment to ourselves."

Lila smiled softly, turning to face him. "Well, I’m all yours now," she teased, leaning in to brush her lips against his in a slow, lingering kiss.

The tension that had been building between them all day simmered just beneath the surface. As their lips moved together, the kiss deepened, and Jude’s hand instinctively found its way to her waist, pulling her closer. There was a gentle urgency in the way they touched, an unspoken need to make the most of the time they had left before his flight back to Germany.

Lila pulled back just enough to whisper against his lips, "I did promise you some special time, didn’t I?"

Jude grinned, his hands tightening on her hips as he looked at her through half-lidded eyes. "You did," he murmured, his voice husky.

Lila slid off the sofa, standing up and taking Jude’s hand to guide him toward the bedroom. He followed her, his heart racing in anticipation. Once they reached the bed, she turned to face him, her fingers toying with the hem of his shirt before lifting it over his head.

Jude watched her, his breath hitching as her hands roamed his chest, tracing the lines of his muscles. "Lila..." he breathed, unable to keep the need out of his voice.

She smirked, clearly enjoying the effect she had on him. "Lie down, Bellingham," she commanded playfully.

Jude raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Yes, ma'am," he replied, doing as she asked, his long frame stretching out across the bed.

Lila climbed on top of him, straddling his hips as she leaned down to kiss him again, slow and sensual. Their hands began to explore each other, and soon, her kisses moved from his lips to his neck, making Jude groan as she nipped at his skin.

"God, I’ve missed this," he murmured, his hands resting on her thighs as she continued to kiss her way down his chest. His body tensed in anticipation, and when her lips reached the waistband of his pants, he let out a shaky breath.

Lila paused for a moment, glancing up at him with a teasing smile. "Still miss me?"

Jude let out a chuckle, his voice a bit hoarse. "More than ever."

She pulled his pants down slowly, her movements deliberate, and Jude's breath hitched as the cool air hit his skin. Lila leaned down again, pressing soft kisses along his lower abdomen, and Jude could feel his entire body respond, the tension between them reaching its peak.

When her mouth finally found him, Jude’s head fell back against the pillows, a deep groan escaping his lips. Her movements were slow, teasing at first, before she picked up a steady rhythm, her hand working in tandem with her mouth. Every flick of her tongue sent a jolt of pleasure through his body, making his hips buck slightly in response.

Jude’s hands gripped the sheets, his breaths coming in ragged gasps as Lila continued, her pace quickening as his moans filled the room. He was losing control, the sensation overwhelming as she brought him closer and closer to the edge.

"Lila... fuck," he groaned, his voice thick with desire. "You’re gonna make me—"

Before he could finish, his release hit him hard, and he came with a shuddering gasp, his body trembling beneath her. Lila didn’t stop, taking all of him as he rode out his high, her lips and tongue working him through it.

When she finally pulled back, Jude was left breathless, his chest rising and falling as he tried to recover. Lila looked up at him, wiping the corner of her mouth with a small, satisfied smile.

Jude stared at her in awe, still catching his breath. "God, you’re so good at that," he said with a lazy grin, his voice laced with admiration.

Lila laughed softly, crawling back up to rest beside him, her head on his chest. "Told you I’d make up for earlier."

Jude wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You’re amazing," he murmured, still in a daze.

"Well," she teased, "I try."

Jude chuckled, his fingers trailing up and down her arm as they settled into the comfortable silence of the room. He knew he had to leave for Germany soon, but for now, all he wanted was to stay here with Lila, wrapped up in their little world, where nothing else mattered.

The Olympiastadion in Berlin was a cauldron of noise as the clock ticked towards the 90th minute. England and Spain were locked at 1-1, the match poised on a knife-edge. Jude's legs burned with exhaustion, but he pushed on, desperate to make something happen.

Suddenly, a teasing cross from Cucurella found Oyarzabal. Time seemed to slow as the ball nestled into the back of the net. 2-1 to Spain. The stadium erupted - half in jubilation, half in despair.

Jude's heart sank. He looked at the clock - three minutes of added time. It wasn't enough. As the final whistle blew, the weight of the loss crashed down on him. He fell to his knees, then forward onto his hands, his forehead touching the grass.

Tears stung his eyes as he pounded the pitch with his fist. So close. They'd been so close.

Around him, his teammates were in various states of despair. Some lay on the ground, others wandered aimlessly, shell-shocked. The Spanish celebrations seemed a world away.

As Jude finally lifted his head, the magnitude of the loss hit him. This wasn't just about football. He knew what was coming - the media frenzy, the scrutiny, the blame. And worse, the ugly side of it all - the racism that always reared its head in moments like these.

He could already imagine the headlines, the social media posts, the slurs that would be hurled at him and his Black teammates. The thought made his stomach churn.

A hand on his shoulder startled him. It was Gareth Southgate, his face etched with a mixture of disappointment and pride. "You did us proud, lad," he said softly. "Hold your head high."

Jude nodded, but the words felt hollow in the face of such devastating loss. As he slowly got to his feet, his eyes scanned the crowd, looking for one face in particular. He found Lila in the stands, her eyes red from crying but filled with love and support.

Without thinking, Jude jogged over, hopping the barrier with ease. Lila's arms were around him in an instant, her familiar scent a balm to his raw emotions.

"You were brilliant," she whispered fiercely. "So fucking brilliant."

His mum was there too, pulling him into a tight hug. "We're so proud of you, love," she said, her voice thick with emotion.

Jude nodded, not trusting himself to speak. The loss still stung, sharp and brutal.

Eventually, he had to tear himself away, heading to the locker room. The atmosphere was somber, heavy with disappointment. Jude showered mechanically, his mind replaying every moment of the match.

Later, Lila drove him back to the hotel. The silence in the car was punctuated only by Jude's occasional frustrated sighs.

Once in his room, the dam broke. "Fuck!" Jude yelled, grabbing a pillow and hurling it across the room. "We were so fucking close!"

He paced, a caged lion of frustration and regret. "If I'd just... if we'd only..."

From her perch on the bed, Lila watched him, her eyes soft with understanding. "Jude," she said quietly, holding out her hand. "Come here."

He hesitated for a moment before collapsing onto the bed next to her, his head in her lap. Her fingers carded through his hair, soothing.

"We were so close, Li," he mumbled, his voice muffled against her leg. "So fucking close."

"I know, babe," she said softly. "But you were amazing out there. All of you were."

Jude turned his head to look up at her, his eyes searching her face. "Yeah?"

Lila nodded, a small smile playing on her lips. "Yeah. And you know what? This is just the beginning. You've got so many more tournaments ahead of you. So many more chances."

Jude let out a long breath, feeling some of the tension leave his body. "You're right," he said finally. "Doesn't make it suck any less right now, though."

Lila leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead. "I know. But I'm here. We're all here. And we're so fucking proud of you, Jude Bellingham."

For the first time since the final whistle, Jude felt a smile tug at his lips. He lay there for a moment, letting Lila’s words sink in, her soothing presence like a balm to the raw ache in his chest. He closed his eyes, savoring the way her fingers gently ran through his hair, grounding him in the here and now, away from the chaos in his mind.

Jude turned slightly, shifting so he could meet her gaze, his face still buried in her lap. Their eyes locked, and the warmth in Lila’s gaze melted away the lingering frustration. Before he even realized it, he was reaching up, cupping her face in his hands, his thumb brushing softly against her cheek.

Lila’s lips curved into a small smile, and she leaned down, meeting him halfway as their lips pressed together in a soft kiss. It was gentle at first, more comforting than anything, but the electricity between them was undeniable. Jude’s hands slipped to the back of her neck, pulling her closer as the kiss deepened, their mouths moving together with a new urgency.

She responded just as eagerly, her hands sliding down to his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath her fingers. She could feel the pent-up tension, the frustration from the game, the need to release all the emotions still bubbling just under the surface. Jude’s tongue teased hers, a low groan escaping his throat as he pulled her even closer, the heat between them building.

In no time, their movements became more desperate, their kisses fiercer as they lost themselves in each other. Lila shifted, climbing over Jude, her thighs straddling his hips as they continued to kiss, hands exploring, touching, needing.

Jude's fingers found the hem of Lila's shirt, pulling it up and over her head in one swift movement. His breath hitched as he took in the sight of her bare skin, the softness of her curves against him. He ran his hands down her back, fingers tracing the length of her spine, his touch both gentle and possessive.

But as the heat built and their clothes were discarded, leaving them bare against each other, Jude suddenly pulled back, his chest heaving, his eyes locking with hers.

“Wait,” he whispered, his voice hoarse, the need still simmering in his eyes. “I don’t… I don’t want to do anything tonight, Li.”

Lila blinked, her breath still coming in soft gasps, her heart pounding in her chest. “You don’t?” she asked, her voice soft, almost surprised.

Jude shook his head, his hand coming up to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing across her bottom lip. “No,” he said quietly, leaning in to press a tender kiss to her lips. “I just… I just want to be with you. Hold you. That’s all I need tonight.”

Lila’s heart swelled at his words, the sincerity in his gaze stealing her breath. She could see it in his eyes—the exhaustion, the emotional weight of the loss still hanging heavy on his shoulders. He didn’t need more tonight. He needed her—just her, without anything more.

She nodded, her expression softening as she leaned down to kiss him again, this time slower, more tender. “Okay,” she whispered against his lips. “We’ll just cuddle.”

Jude exhaled a long breath, relief flooding through him as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her down onto his chest. Their bodies pressed together, skin to skin, but without the usual urgency. This was different—intimate, comforting in its simplicity.

Lila nestled into the crook of his neck, her body fitting perfectly against his as she draped an arm over his chest. Jude’s hand moved in lazy circles across her back, the steady rhythm calming both of them as they lay there in the quiet.

For the first time that night, the weight of the world lifted off Jude’s shoulders. Lila’s presence grounded him, her warmth chasing away the frustration and disappointment. He closed his eyes, his fingers continuing their slow, soothing movement along her back as they settled into the comfort of each other’s arms.

And as they drifted into the soft silence of the night, Jude realized that even though they’d lost the match, he hadn’t lost everything. He had Lila—her love, her support. And that, for now, was more than enough.

__________________________________________________________

A week later...

Jude lounged back in the dim corner of the VIP section, his fingers idly scrolling through TikTok on his phone as the bass-heavy music thudded through the club. Around him, his boys—Trent, Marcell, Toby, and Noah—were in full party mode, mingling with groups of women, downing shots, and laughing loudly over the booming beats.

The original plan had been to celebrate winning the Euros, but since the loss, this trip had taken on a different vibe. It felt like a redemption tour, a chance for him to step back, reflect, and spend time with his friends. First, they were in LA, then it was off to Miami, and after that, Jude planned to fly out to New York to spend some quality time with Lila before training camp for the upcoming La Liga season. It wasn’t the summer he'd imagined, but he was determined to make the most of it.

Chilling in the cut, Jude glanced around the club, taking in the pulsating lights and the crowd swaying to a Future track that had just come on. He wasn’t in the mood to wild out like the others. While his friends, all single, were running amuck, flirting and vibing with girls, Jude was content sipping his drink, scrolling through his phone, and keeping to himself.

Suddenly, a woman brushed up against him. "My bad," she said, her voice slightly slurred from the drinks. Jude glanced up from his phone and was immediately met with a very direct line of sight to her cleavage, on full display in a low-cut dress.

"All good," he said, his eyes flicking up briefly before he went back to his phone, chewing idly on his straw.

The music thumped louder as Future’s hit track filled the room, setting a more charged atmosphere. "You want to dance?" the woman asked, stepping closer to him, her voice competing with the music.

Jude lifted his eyes from his phone again, this time actually looking at her face. "I'm good," he replied, raising his voice over the music.

"What?" she called back, leaning in even closer, her perfume invading his space. Jude subtly stepped back, trying to create some distance.

"I said I'm good," he repeated, his voice firmer this time. "I have a girlfriend."

The woman cocked her head, her expression shifting into something more sly. "Oh?" she said, her lips curling into a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. "Where is she? Is she here?"

"Nah, but still—" Jude started, but she cut him off.

"So, she just lets you go out to clubs?" The girl smirked, inching closer again. "Not a great girlfriend, especially since you’re hot."

Jude sighed, shifting uncomfortably as she introduced herself. "I’m Kate."

"Not interested," Jude shot back, trying to keep his patience in check.

The girl scoffed, rolling her eyes dramatically. "Good to know that I already know who you are, I guess. You're not a great talker. I'm just trying to say 'hi.'"

It took everything in him not to roll his eyes right back at her. He knew what this was, but there was no way he was about to mess up what he had with Lila for a one-night stand. It wasn’t even a question.

"I don’t want to talk to ya. I’m good," Jude said, stepping back even further.

Her expression soured as she pouted, almost as if insulted. "So, you don’t think I’m pretty?"

Oh, for fuck’s sake, Jude thought, the ridiculousness of it all pressing in on him. Instead of entertaining her any further, he simply stood up and moved away, finding a spot in the opposite corner of their section. He sat down again, ignoring her as he resumed scrolling through his phone.

A soft ping vibrated from his phone, his notifications lighting up with a text from Lila:

Miss you 😥

Jude’s tense expression softened as he read her message. He immediately started typing back.

Miss you too, babe. Can you wait another hour so we can FaceTime?

He sent the text, glancing at the time. It was almost 2 a.m. in LA. He quickly did the mental math, realizing that it was nearly 9 a.m. in London. She’s up early, Jude thought with a grin, picturing Lila groggily reading his text from her bed.

He chuckled softly to himself, thankful for the escape from the madness of the club. The night might’ve started as a chaotic boys' trip, but he knew where he’d rather be—talking to Lila, even if it was through a screen thousands of miles away.

Lila: Of course I’ll wait up.

Before he could settle back into the comfort of scrolling through TikTok, the girl from earlier made her way back over, this time with a determined look on her face.

He barely glanced up, but she leaned closer again, clearly not getting the hint. “C’mon, are you sure you don’t want to dance?” she asked, her voice sickly sweet.

Jude sighed, feeling his patience start to slip. "I already told you, I’ve got a girlfriend. I’m not interested."

"She’s not here," the girl insisted with a smirk, ignoring the clear boundary Jude had set. "And besides, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her."

Jude clenched his jaw, annoyance flashing across his face. Before he could fire back with a more direct response, Trent suddenly popped up beside him, flashing a smile at the girl. "Hey, he's a no-no," Trent said casually, slinging an arm over Jude's shoulder. "But I'm available."

The girl’s attention shifted immediately, her eyes lighting up at Trent’s offer. She nodded and laughed, the shift in mood clear as she let out a flirty giggle.

Trent gave Jude a quick nod, signaling that their ride was here. "We’re about to head out," he said. "Let's round up the boys and go."

Jude exhaled in relief, glad for the escape, and stood up, following Trent as they gathered the rest of the guys, along with a couple of girls they’d met. Together, they made their way outside to the 'party bus' they had rented for the trip.

The vehicle, decked out with neon lights and plush seating, awaited them at the curb, the engine already purring as the driver waited. The girls squealed in excitement as they piled into the bus, while Toby immediately turned on the Bluetooth speaker, blasting some heavy beats that matched the mood of the night.

“YEAH!” the girls shouted in unison, dancing to the pounding music as the bus pulled away from the club, headed for their rented house in the Hollywood Hills.

Jude watched them for a second, shaking his head with an amused smile. Not tonight, he thought to himself as he made his way to the back of the bus, scrolling through his phone once again. By the time they pulled up to the house, he was already checked out of the night.

Their rented home sat atop the hills, a modern, multi-story villa with sprawling glass windows that overlooked the city lights of Los Angeles. It was sleek and expansive, with a pool out back and plenty of space for their crew to kick back and relax. The house exuded a luxurious charm, nestled in the quiet hills far from the noise of the city but still close enough to feel like they were in the heart of LA.

As they spilled out of the bus and into the house, Toby turned the speakers up louder, the music reverberating off the high ceilings.

"Let’s keep this going!" Toby yelled as the girls cheered, already dancing their way through the living room.

Jude laughed under his breath, shaking his head at the sight. "Yeah, I’m going to bed," he muttered, but his words were drowned out by the music. No one seemed to notice as he peeled away from the group and headed upstairs to his room.

Once inside, Jude locked the door behind him, eager for some peace and quiet. He kicked off his shoes, stripped out of his clothes, and headed straight for the shower. The hot water hit his skin, and he sighed, letting the tension from the night wash away. After drying off, he wrapped a towel around his waist and walked back to his room, pulling on a pair of boxers before climbing into bed.

He reached for his phone, turning off the lights as he dialed Lila’s number. It rang twice before she answered, her face appearing on the screen, lit by the soft morning light in London.

“Hey, you,” she greeted, her voice warm and a bit sleepy. “What time is it there?”

“Almost 2 a.m.,” Jude replied with a smile, settling back into the pillows. “How’s your day so far?”

“Lazy,” Lila said with a yawn, stretching. “Tolami’s coming over soon, and we’re getting our hair done. What about you? How’s LA?”

“Good,” Jude said, glancing at the ceiling. “The boys are wilding out, as usual. Toby just brought back a girl, and I think she’s already making herself at home.”

As if on cue, there was a loud shriek from downstairs, and Lila’s eyes widened at the sound. “What the hell was that?”

“Toby’s ‘little friend,’” Jude said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Ew!” Lila laughed, scrunching up her nose in mock disgust. “You boys are a mess.”

Jude chuckled. “Wish you were here with me, though,” he murmured, his voice softening.

Lila smiled knowingly. “Mmmhmm, you wish I was in that bed with you.”

“That too,” he admitted, his voice low and teasing. “I can’t wait to see you in New York. I miss you so much, Li.”

“I miss you too, Judey Bear,” she replied, her tone softening. “Not long now.”

“We’re going to Disney tomorrow,” Jude added. “You want me to bring you back some Mouse Ears?”

“Absolutely!” Lila grinned. “I expect nothing less.”

They talked for a bit longer, the conversation easy and familiar, like always. Eventually, Lila yawned, stretching again. “I should get ready for Tolami,” she said, her voice still drowsy.

Jude nodded. “Yeah, I should get some sleep too. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“For sure. Sweet dreams, baby,” Lila said, her smile lingering before the call ended.

Jude set his phone on the nightstand and lay back, a sense of calm settling over him. He might have been miles away from Lila, but just hearing her voice was enough to make everything feel right.

With one last glance at his phone, he closed his eyes, letting sleep take him.

TO BE CONTINUED....

[literaila]

how do u think satoru would react to reader in a depressive episode, especially what do u think the kids would do

obviously, they’ve all noticed.

the past couple of weeks have not been lived through ignorantly. and you have not been acting normal.

the differences are just that, at first. tiny inconsistencies in your otherwise normal personality, your routine.

and then it becomes more than just a… change.

it starts off simple; megumi’s brows furrowing when you ask him a question—something about his teacher, or what kind of drink he wants in his lunch that day—and then forget what you’ve just said as soon as he answers.

tsumiki watching, smiling along idly, as you rub your temples, sighing with every other sentence and squeezing your eyes tight like you’ll be able to wake up if you try hard enough.

and satoru noticing when you linger in your room a bit longer, as the days pass. staring when you freeze looking at the wall in the morning, zoning out so hard that he has to shake you back to life.

just an accumulation of things that might indicate that something is up.

but as these moments—moments when you’re lost in your head, trying to conceal your entire being from all of them, and pretending that it’s all normal—increase, the three of them learn a little something about observing.

and lying to themselves, of course.

eventually, though, when megumi or tsumiki inevitably say something—usually when you’re not in the room, off hiding somewhere—satoru just shrugs.

(he’s going to lie his way through this, just like everything else, thank you).

“it’s a bad day,” he’ll say, like the two children will comprehend that. like they don’t know what a bad day means. “she’s just tired.”

he could make a million excuses for you. oh, you didn’t get enough sleep last night. oh, you’ve only had one cup of coffee today. oh, the world is a truly terrible place and it’s only natural that it runs you down.

but he leaves them with the simplest of explanations, instead. maybe it’s his subtle way of denying that there’s anything wrong. that you could be upset about something. it doesn’t matter, anyway.

and tsumiki, ever so trusting of all of you, listens to him. if satoru says that you’re okay, then so does she. she’ll draw you a picture at school or try to help you make their lunches in the morning, but you’re fine. her questions end with an answer.

megumi, on the other hand, has never believed a word that satoru has said.

so when the older man swears that you’re okay, that they don’t need to worry, megumi only begins to worry harder.

he sees that look on your face when you walk in the room, and megumi knows. maybe it’s because he’s the most attuned to you, out of everyone, in particular. maybe it’s because he’s observant, or too worrisome for his age (as you tell him).

but he knows.

and if satoru says one thing, megumi’s going to believe the other.

(plus the two of you have always had a symbiotic relationship. you worry about him, and he worries about you. you laugh at him, and he gives a little lip twitch in return).

so satoru is not surprised when megumi brings it up for the fourth time in a week.

“you want me to what, exactly?”

“you can talk to them, can’t you?” he repeats, giving satoru a bland look. something like ‘are you serious.’ “they know you.”

satoru snorts. “i don’t think my bosses will appreciate me telling them what they can or can’t do.”

megumi gives him another look.

and yeah, so satoru already does that. they still don’t appreciate it.

he sighs, smiling at the boy. anything to mess with him, really. he ruffles megumi’s hair. “kid, she’s fine. i can’t just tell them to give her a couple of weeks off. there has to be a reason. and,” he adds, cheerfully. “i’ve been told it’s impolite to speak on someone’s behalf without their input.”

“you don’t care about being polite,” megumi argues, crossing his arms.

satoru groans internally. he’s really not going to let this go.

it’s not that satoru necessarily disagrees, but anything he does to help you is going to be refuted with a “butt out,” or “leave me alone, satoru.”

“true,” he says, grinning as he mocks the boys stance. “but i do care about being yelled at. particularly by your mother.”

“she needs a break.”

satoru rolls his eyes. “she’s getting one. the next couple of days are free, and she’s taking a nap right now.”

megumi frowns, even deeper than usual, and stares satoru down until he breaks.

“megumi,” the man groans, childishly, pushing the boy out of the room. “you don’t need to worry about her. chill out. just go back to reading about rocks or whatever you were doing.”

“it’s geology.”

satoru waves a hand, indifferent.

(secretly trying to come up with a way to get you to talk to him. he can’t ask because you’ll just ignore him. he can’t force it out of you because that would get the two of you nowhere.

what other options are left, really? you’ve put satoru in a terrible position).

“then can we get something, instead?” megumi asks, almost pleading. “flowers, or… whatever girls like.”

“y/n already has flowers. i bought them.”

“buy something else.”

“who taught you to be this stubborn?”

megumi only scowls at him.

satoru sighs, scratching his head. he knows he should do something—but he’s so used to sitting around and waiting for you to fix everything.

yes, he does recognize that it’s a terrible habit, and completely unfair. he also recognizes that he is the worst person in the world.

eventually he sighs. “okay. how about i order dinner?” he asks, almost wincing. it’s the most natural response—everything can be fixed with food, in satoru’s sophisticated opinion. “that’ll be easy. want to go ask mom what she wants?”

megumi practically runs to your room, leaving satoru with no time to remind him that you’re probably asleep, knocking just briefly—from what satoru can hear—before going in.

he tip-toes up to the door, also wanting to check in.

satoru is nothing if not nosy.

and he might as well let megumi do all of the dirty work.

“um, i don’t care,” he hears you saying. “whatever you guys want.”

“it’s for you.”

there’s a pause. then, “really, megs, i’m not very hungry, so…”

megumi is frowning down at you when satoru steps in.

“good nap?” he asks, smiling and sitting at the edge of your bed.

“you don’t need to get dinner. it’s my turn.”

he waves a hand. “i feel like takeout.”

you frown, about to argue when megumi speaks up, glancing between the two of you with an almost furious expression.

“what’s wrong?” he asks, his voice soft but mad. like usual. satoru realizes that he’s been tricked into contributing to this.

“what?”

“why are you upset?”

“upset?” you repeat, eyes widening. “i’m not upset, megu—“

“are you sick?”

“no,” you say, immediately. “i’m just a little tired but it’s—“

“megumi,” satoru interrupts, trying to ignore the almost hurt look on your face—the glance you send his way, pleading and worried. he knows you hate this the most. “let’s let mom sleep some more, okay? tsumiki and you can decide what you want—“

“no.”

and neither of you can argue, or console the confused boy, before he’s climbing into your bed with a determined look on his face.

satoru tried to grab on to him, but megumi is having none of that, shaking him off before he can get a good grip. you’re looking at satoru anxiously, and this is the worst.

if satoru knows anything about you, it’s that you don’t want to be coddled. you don’t want to accept any help, even if it’s from your sweet, concerned son.

“megumi—“ you say, though, satoru notes, don’t make any attempts to move him when he struggles to get under the covers with you, or when he just sits by your side, barely touching you.

“i’m staying here.”

“really, bud, i’m okay. you don’t need to worry about me.”

“you’re sad.”

“i’m not.”

megumi looks at you, and satoru watches as you both share a glance. an internal conversation he’ll never get to be apart of.

for once in his life he’s not even jealous about it.

“it’s…” you say, but the two boys watch as your shoulders slack and your face drops. all at once, you lose color, life, and just sit there. “it’s fine.”

you say it to them, but it sounds more like a reminder to yourself.

satoru’s face falls. he has no idea what to say, what to do to help you—he’s spent so much time denying that there was anything wrong, that he could do anything to help, and now he’s got no answers.

he feels like an idiot, sitting there. megumi shouldn’t be taking more initiative, he should be the one worrying about you, the one to go to—

megumi doesn’t say anything though. he only moves closer to you, not complaining when your arm wraps around his shoulder and you hold him to you.

like a life vest. a support in all of the vastness.

he doesn’t need to say ‘it’s okay,’ or ‘i’m here for you,’ for the words to ring out across the the air.

and, satoru realizes, quickly, he’s only doing what you do for them. what you do best.

climbing in beside them and making sure they know that they’re not alone. being that support, no matter how unwanted.

megumi’s learned from the best.

“sorry,” you mutter to him. “i know im gross.”

megumi shakes his head and settles into you even further. and the boy doesn’t cuddle—or, at least, without being forced—but your face softens as he leans against you, allowing this kind of intimacy.

and, maybe, satoru thinks, that’s the problem with all of you.

no one knows quite what to say. what to do to help someone with something that they can’t understand. neither he or megumi is sure how to dig you out of this hole.

none of you are very good with words.

but, at least, satoru knows how to be good at this.

he sets his glasses on your bedside table, and he moves you both over with ease, smiling when you both grunt at his intrusion.

and then you’re a tower of people, all leaning against one another. building blocks stacked on top of each other.

you relax into satoru almost instantly and he kisses the top of your head, feeling some sort of pride—just at the fact that you’ll let him be here, with you.

maybe that’s the thing with families, he thinks. no one needs to say anything for it to be okay.

and the uneasiness sits there with all of you. the past couple of weeks—the distancing and disassociating—linger there.

there’s nothing he can say to make everything all better. he could destroy the entire world right now, save for your house, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

but this is nice. a hug might not fix everything, but it won’t make anything worse

and after a minute or two, you say: “where’s tsumiki?”

and she peeks her head out from your door, smiling at all three of you. it takes her three seconds to jump on the bed, having been waiting there the whole time, the final piece to your messed up puzzle.