#i think i look best when im basically a blur in photos

[lamatisse]

not sure how to make an introduction for this tutorial. i might have gone too extra because it’s so long...but this is highly requested and i said i would do this as detailed as possible, so here we go!

adobe photoshop 2018 (ahoy, matey!)

topaz lens effects (just for grain)

srwe (sometimes, but not for this tutorial)

reshade (i dont use a specific preset)

drawing tablet (wacom intuos art)

macbook pro mid-2015 (but bootcamp)

//part one

grab a screenshot from your own lovely screenshot folder! mine is straight from my reshade screenie folder. then crop it how you like it! my original screenshot size is 2560 x 1600, and i almost always cut the background out. this is how i do it:

click color range, then click on the background of your sim. the little screen above will look like that. the background should be white. it’s easier when it’s a fully solid color. those are my settings above. click ok! the selected area will have those teeny tiny marching ants.

click quick selection tool, then select and mask...

i drew over these circled areas using the “add brush” i showed above. use “on black” viewing mode, then make sure that the sim is completely filled black (it’s the unselected area). use shift edge so there wouldn’t be any of the original bg left over. my settings are shown above. then click ok if you’re all done. press delete and then ctrl + D to unselect. the marching ants should be gone. go ahead and crop it!

after cropping, i resize the width of the photo to 1280px! always!

i create a new layer for my background, then add in the psd that i use for my edits. (i hide my psd layer while drawing)

sometimes i also use liquify to edit things like this:

//part two

i use a soft round brush to do everything! it’s literally from adobe, but i changed a few things like the flow jitter in transfer.

red areas are usually where i put the shadows, purple areas are usually where i put the highlights

i usually do the shadows before anything else! it’s pretty simple. using the brush i showed above, i create a new layer.

use the eyedropper tool on her skin, then pick a slightly darker shade. change the blending mode of the layer to multiply, then draw the shadows.

right click on the layer, then select “create clipping mask” to make your life a little bit easier. an arrow will appear beside your layer.

//part three

this is where i draw over the features. let’s look at her face. these are basically what i think it needs:

pay close attention to the imperfections and clean it up! that’s what makes it “sharper” in my opinion. small brushes will do the job! something like this:

define the edges!!! define!! zoom in and take a look!! even though these are tiny little details, it makes a whole lot of difference! the eyedropper tool is your best friend!

i start with a big brush and then i use smaller and smaller ones as i go, which creates the sharpness. go a little darker as well! im not very skillful with my graphic tablet, so i add stuff bit by bit since it tends to become too harsh when i just go for it! im not as talented as some of u here ;-; i just wing it and pray it doesnt look too bad. half of the time im just experimenting since i literally do not know where some shading goes

i wont be showing every single thing, but basically that’s the idea! i’ll add in the stuff i pointed out above and more shadows. sometimes i might turn down the opacity of some layers if they look a bit too much. here’s what we got so far:

i also like adding some face pores using this amazing “skin texture 1″ brush from this brush pack!

//part four

for the highlight layer, i change the blending mode to either overlay or soft light. use a slightly bigger brush for the bigger areas. use the eyedropper tool on her skin, and instead, pick a lighter shade.

let’s start adding highlight to the purple areas i marked above!

try to enhance the highlight on tiny details too such as the eye corners! if you want something more dramatic, create a new layer and do an overlay layer this time! don’t be afraid to add some on the hair, eyes, lips etc.

//part five

ok lets add some not decent looking hair strands. i almost always avoid this part because i literally have 0 idea on how to draw hair. i use the “hair base” brush from the same brush pack i linked to above and also have smoothing on to about 35%! the eyedropper tool is still your best friend! just follow the flow of the hair and i guess you’ll be fine ???

i’ll also fill in the annoying gaps beside her neck

unhide your psd layer and wooowweee

//part six

select all the layers, then click create a new group!

select the new group, then hit ctrl + J or right-click the new group, then click duplicate group

right-click the duplicated group, then click merge group!

i do this so i have a backup of the collapsed layers and can make changes anytime.

i use the sharpen brush on small details i circled below. i used to do stylize > oil paint or topaz clean before, but since the personal action that i use blur things a lot, i try to keep small details visible and sharp.

next is smart sharpen, my settings are below. sometimes i go for a smaller radius, but it looks like this most of the time.

my personal action set consists of this:

duplicate the layer that you just used smart sharpen on, then click lens blur!

below are my lens blur settings

turn the opacity of the layer (that you just put the lens blur on) to 40%

select both layers, right-click then merge layers!

duplicate the layer again (yes, again) then right-click, choose blending options.

uncheck the R located on the “channels” under “advance blending” then click ok.

an icon will appear on that layer!

make sure you have that layer selected, then click the Move tool

then hit your arrow left/right key once or twice! i do it once because i only want a subtle 3d effect! go ahead and merge those layers!

last step is the grain effect. i use topaz labs > topaz lens effects. if you don’t have this, you can also use filter > noise > add noise that photoshop has.

these are my settings:

//final look!

here’s a before and after gif! (here’s the finished edit) i hope everything’s clear! i’m really bad at explaining things (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ

feel free to tag me when you use this tutorial for an edit!! i would like to see it! i hope this helps! ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

[mithranqueersmusings]

Before This Dance Is Through V

Chapter: 5/16

Rating: M (Smut Warning)

Summary: Ringo's being going through a dry spell for the last year or so and when he regretfully tells his best friend John, he insists on taking them to an all-male strip club for some "fun". Ringo isn't sure whether it's the alcohol, his desperation or a mixture of the two but he thinks he might be falling in love with a stripper.

Tags: AU - Strippers, Modern Setting, Smut, Slow Burn

Pairings: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

Despite what John had suggested, Ringo didn't go back to The Helter Skelter the following week; he'd considered it when John sent him yet another late night text but ultimately decided it wasn't the best idea. Spike had been playing on his mind daily and Ringo wasn't sure he was prepared to face him again. Instead he focused on his drumming and searched for a few more students to teach, which were fairly easy to find. Usually Ringo enjoyed his time off, he understood he was lucky that he didn't have to work a 9-5 job just to get by, but recently he wanted his fill his time up as much as possible, to distract himself.

One of his new students seemed incredibly interested in him, they'd spent an hour just chatting in his living room before they'd even moved over to the drum kit. Ringo wasn't too fussed, he was getting paid by the hour so wasting time was beneficial to him but he didn't want to give the guy the wrong impression. He was a little bit older and attractive enough but Ringo simply wasn't interested.

"Why didn't you just go for it?" John had asked him when they next met up.

"I dunno..." Ringo mumbled, but a part of him knew very well.

He'd given the guy another lesson since then and it became clear that the guy's interest in him wasn't going away any time soon. Ringo felt bad about the whole thing, wasn't he just doing exactly what Spike was doing to him? He tried to act as professional as possible the second time around in attempt to get the guy to back off, considering he hadn't heard from him since he was hoping it had worked. What was wrong with him? Was he really going to make himself suffer like this all because of one guy? And not just any guy, a stripper who had shown absolutely no interest in him at all. It was ridiculous, he kept telling himself, but no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he had to get over Spike, he would still think about him every day without fail. Trying to distract himself with clients had been working somewhat, but it had been difficult, especially when his best friend was John Lennon.

       youre gonna love me

The text came through when Ringo was sat in a café getting some lunch. He'd finished with one of his younger students, a sweet girl who's parents had tried to convince her to try a more 'ladylike' instrument but she had promised only to give up the drums if she was awful; much to her delight, and Ringo's for being able to prove the stereotypical parents wrong, she was pretty good. Seeing her always put Ringo in a good mood, the parents mostly stayed away partly due to the noise but mostly due to disappointment, which meant they could joke around together. Ringo could tell she admired him and he welcomed it gladly, one of the best things about teaching was inspiring others, at least for him it was.

        do i not already?

        well yes         but youre gonna love me EVEN more

        what have you done

        well i happened to stop by the club last night

        oh god what did you do

        wow is that how little you trust me

        can you blame me

        suppose not         ANYWAY i got talking to paulie

        surprise surprise

        do you want the good news or not???

        fine fine sorry

        AS I WAS SAYING i was talking to paulie         and he told me that your special little someone has an onlyfans account

        first of all fuck you for calling him that         second of all wtf is onlyfans

        oh sorry i didnt realise you werent living in the 21st century

        ......         care to grace me with your knowledge?

        basically its a website where you can post exclusive stuff for ONLY FANS to see         its not a porn site or anything but its basically where people sell their nudes         MEANING spike has an account so you can totally see loads of raunchy filthy perverted pics of him

        but i have to pay?

        well weve all gotta make a living

        i can basically see him naked for free

        but this way you wont get all freaked out and embarrassed         well you will but nobody will know at least         so do you want the link or not???

Ringo paused for a few moments, he was gripping his phone tightly in both of his hands as he unblinkingly looked at John's words. If his mind was going to decide to make him suffer by enabling his intense interest in Spike, he may as well get something out of it.

        fine

        where are your manners richard??

        can i please have the link to the strippers nude photos please john please

        alright calm down         let me know if its worth while i might have a look

        idk if im even gonna look at it         paying for porn is a little dated

        treat yourself ringo         id offer to pay but im broke

        if youre broke why were you at the strip club last night?

        well SOMEONE had to go

        they really didnt

        im supporting my local economy

        i dont think thats how that works

        sure it is         anyway here you go

Ringo stared at the link for a while, his eyes even began to blur, he didn't want to risk opening it in public even though he knew there was little chance of anyone seeing. He finished his lunch in a hurry and headed home quickly, only when he was in the privacy of his bedroom did he dare open it. First he had to make an account, when he saw the screen loading up asking for an email address and password he just turned his screen off and put the phone down. This was far too much effort for something he shouldn't really have been doing in the first place. But it only took a few minutes for him to pick the phone back up and begin signing up, he used an old email as it felt less seedy that way and he didn't want to risk his name cropping up anywhere for Spike to see. Now he could load up the link properly and take a proper look at Spike's profile.

Just looking at the small profile picture was enough to startle Ringo a little, the dark eyes looking into the camera with that unreadable glimmer behind them. He was shirtless in the picture, Ringo wondered why that didn't catch his attention first, with the frame cutting off just before it showed anything too explicit. The header was a photo taken from the club, showing him in tight, leather pants and tassels on his nipples which matched the whip he held in his hand. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He'd spent so much time and effort trying not to think about this man, attempting to keep him out of his mind as much as possible. Ringo knew that if he went through with this all that progress would be lost, he'd be giving in to whatever strange obsession he'd developed for Spike, one that no doubt wasn't going to lead to anything good.

Ringo kept staring at the screen as though it was going to tell him what he should do. Spike's profile had no description, which wasn't very surprising, and it dashed any hope Ringo had of discovering something new about him. Right before he was about to put his phone down again, it vibrated.

        howd the wank go??

        john i dont care how long weve been friends asking how my wank was will always be weird

        youre right sorry         so how did it go???

        if you must know         i havent had a wank         i havent even paid for entry

        now whos the one being inappropriate??

        ha ha

        why havent you???

        feels weird

        oh i see         youll consume a bunch of unethical porn for free but god forbid you actually give sex workers any actual money

        you are the last person who can lecture me about unethical porn

        hey now watch yourself         ringo if you dont get a subscription I WILL

        go ahead

        and ill tell you every day what sexy sexy pictures hes posting         ill tell you EVERY SINGLE TIME i have a wank over them

        every time? i dont think youve got enough data for that

        im not joking

        neither am i         you wank A LOT

        ringooooo just buy it i swear to god         if its not worth it or you regret it or whatever ill give you the money back

        on top of the money you already owe me?

        have you always been such a capitalist

        youre not doing a very good job of convincing me

        fine         spikes cock         now are you convinced???

        maybe

        naked pictures of spike whenever and wherever you want them all for the low low price of 10 quid a month         convinced??

        fine fine         if itll shut you up

        im starting to think thats code for 'i really wanna do this but im too embarrassed to admit it'

        i hate you

        now that DEFINITELY code for 'john youre right'         anyway theres no time to be telling me how right i am all the time youve got dick pics to look at         even i wont stand in the way of a good wank         so dont bother replying to me until youve paid for that subscription young man

        im older than you

        DONT BOTHER REPLYING

Ringo let out a sigh and rested his head against the bedroom wall from where he was laying on the bed. He opened up the link again and his thumb hovered over the subscription button, why couldn't he just do it? The money wasn't an issue, it could've cost half as much or be double the price and he'd still be debating it all the same. Somehow it felt like an invasion of privacy, after all Spike hadn't told Ringo about it himself, but then again that didn't necessarily mean he didn't want Ringo to see it. After all it was like John said: everyone has to make a living somehow. Sometimes Ringo wished he could turn off that part of his brain that was so empathetic, so concerned about how everyone felt and what they were thinking. He knew that he wanted this, so why wasn't he allowing himself to have it? Ringo could see that he was being ridiculous, as he was with almost anything involving Spike, and after lying there for a while pondering and debating he decided to flip a coin. Heads would mean he got the subscription, tails that he didn't. He watched the coin spinning through the air after he flicked it upwards, then snatched it and slammed it down onto his forearm before slowly moving his hand away: it was tails. What a relief. Ringo chuckled to himself for being so foolish, settling down into his bed; it was still only around midday but he didn't have anywhere he needed to be.

So why didn't he feel relieved in the slightest?

This whole thing was getting tiring, the constant debate between what he believed he should do and what he wanted to do, and it seemed like it wasn't going to be ending anytime soon. Apparently he was in this for the long run, whatever that meant, but if he was going to turn down relatively attractive guys practically throwing themselves at him, he may as well go all the way. While he was putting in his credit card information, he stopped to think around three of four times, but once he'd finished and the images became accessible to him, his brain was barely able to conjure up a coherent sentence.

"Jesus..." Ringo breathed out as his eyes flicked across the plethora of pictures loading up on his screen.

There was a lot of them, and a lot of Spike was on display. Most of them were pictures taken at the club, either from a professional photographer in the audience or photos he'd taken himself in the mirrors backstage - Ringo could even see glimpses of Paul in the background of some of them. The ones that caught Ringo's eyes the most were those that seemed to be taken in his house, these also happened to be the ones in which Spike tended to be fully naked. It was very different experience to see him like this: a static image that he'd intentionally taken of himself and posted for so many people to see, an image that couldn't look back at Ringo and make him feel that strange mixture of excitement and shame. He began scrolling down the feed which only revealed more and more enticing photos. Ringo began to feel himself hardening, he suspected it had been happening for a while now but he'd been far too distracted to notice. He felt like a teenager discovering porn for the first time, it was difficult to remind himself that this wasn't anything new. Seeing Spike naked shouldn't have excited him so much, and yet it did.

One picture in particular drew Ringo's attention: Spike was stood in front of a bathroom mirror with a loose black tie lying against his bare chest, one hand was holding a phone and the other gripping his cock. He had dark eye make up on and his hair was messy. Ringo wasn't sure exactly what it was about this photo that was so enticing but he couldn't take his eyes off it. The prominence of his collarbones, the faint curls of his dark hair, how his slim fingers wrapped around himself. Slowly Ringo slid his own hand under the waistband of his boxers as he stared at the picture. At first he hesitated, his fingers stopped right above the base. It's not like this would've been the first time he'd touched himself while thinking about Spike, it would've been far from the last he imagined, but this was different. It was more concrete, more of an admission. Nothing felt quite as real when it's only being imagined, the haziness of lust fuzzing up the mind as it so often did, but now with a very real photo of Spike in front of him - which he'd paid to see - the feeling was far more tangible, far harder to ignore.

He'd come this far, he told himself as his hand sunk lower until his fingers were running along the length of his semi-hard cock, he may as well go all the way. To begin with Ringo stayed looking at this single picture as he slowly pumped himself, but as his lust began to grow he perused through more and more pictures: Spike kneeling naked in front of a mirror with a loose cigarette hanging from his lips, lying in the bath with bubbles only just about covering his nakedness, spread out on the bed with a gag in his mouth, handcuffs forcing his slim arms behind his back with his cock throbbing. None of this was anything Ringo hadn't seen before, like most people in this day and age he'd searched through the darker corners of the internet - sometimes willingly, sometimes John was to blame - but to see Spike in such a way was like an entirely new rush. Each picture drove Ringo further and further on, at times he almost dropped his phone with how sloppy his movements were becoming. Who took these photos? Ringo figured it was best not to think about it, the possibility that Spike had a boyfriend who took all these pictures of him would've been the quickest way to kill his erection.

Ringo began moaning and cursing wantonly as he got closer and closer to his orgasm, he had to stop flicking through the pictures because he could hardly concentrate on what his other hand was doing, so he settled on a final one to help him finish; it wasn't particularly strategic but he was definitely grateful that he selected the one that he did. In it Spike was looking directly into the camera, allowing Ringo to gaze longingly into the rich brown of his eyes and how his dark lashes curled beautifully around them. He was shirtless with nothing but a necklace on, the same necklace that Ringo had seen him wearing in the record store and Ringo couldn't help feeling a sense of satisfaction that he'd seen it with his own eyes, as though it meant something. Deep down he knew that it didn't but his inebriated mind was latching onto it. The nudity in the photo was hardly interesting Ringo by this point, although it would be wrong to say that he completely ignored the flatness of his stomach or the faint shadows of his ribs beneath his pale skin, it was the personal aspect which truly affected him.

This wasn't just lust. Lust Ringo could understand, he could compartmentalise it and give into it without much shame or a second thought. If this was just lust, he would've bought the subscription without a care and touched himself looking at the nakedness of Spike's body as though it meant nothing more than a way to get off. Yet here he was on the brink of orgasm looking into another man's eyes, eyes that felt like they were looking straight back at him as though they were sharing this moment together. It wasn't hard to imagine Spike's hand in place of his own, those deep eyes watching Ringo come undone piece by piece. Ringo's hip began to stutter, his leg twitching a little as he had to drop the phone down onto his lap as his head fell back against his pillow as his orgasm approached. It wasn't the image of Spike's naked body that filled Ringo's mind as he came, it wasn't his arse or his cock or even his chest, it was his face, his voice, it was him.

Ringo lay breathless on his bed for a while, the clarity that arrived as his orgasm subsided wasn't welcome in the slightest and he was reluctant to pick his phone back up to see Spike's eyes looking at him once again. There was no use in feeling ashamed about it, no point in trying to deny it any longer: his feelings for Spike were more than a mere passing fancy, that was clear. Exactly what he was meant to do about these feelings was far from clear but that wasn't something Ringo could figure out right now with cum on his stomach and the daylight seeping through his bedroom curtains.

When he'd picked up his phone he'd closed all the apps immediately, doing his best not to catch a glimpse of what he'd been so eagerly looking at before. Just as he was about to step into the shower to clean himself off, his phone buzzed; he almost couldn't hear it over the music he was blasting out. It alerted him for a moment as though it was going to be a message from Spike stating he knew exactly what Ringo had just done - it wouldn't have really surprised him had that been the case, Spike's face almost always looked like he knew something that nobody else did - but fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, it was John.

        sooo how did the wank go

         who knows          but on a totally unrelated note im about to get into the shower

         well before you do that i have even more good news 

         can it not wait?

         NO because you might cum just at the thought of it and then youd be wasting a good shower

         well arent you considerate          and unnecessarily graphic

         thats me          anyway im taking you to the club next tuesday whether you like it or not

         im still waiting for the good news

         well if youd let me FINISH          next week theyre doing a special event and we just have to go          youll never guess what it is

         what is it?

         guess

         you just said ill never guess

         youre no fun

         WHAT IS IT

         alright alright keep your hair on          its a crossdressing event          high heels make up probably a few wigs all that good stuff

         im still waiting for the good news

         OH COME ON youre telling me you dont want to see spike in heels and fishnets with some lovely lipstick on

Ringo gulped. It wasn't a difficult image to conjure up his mind, considering he'd been staring at photos of Spike for the past twenty minutes and it excited him to say the least. He did want to see that, very much indeed.

[klaus-is-the-real-number-1]

Run Boy Run (Number 5 x reader)

A/N: hahahah im so sorry i was in a bad mood and didnt need much convincing to write this, were so this is based right after Five ran away. :) yet again do apologise. stay fresh my dudes (also you should all listen to pretty girl by clario because some of the ideas to an extent are based off that but its also just a good song.) also 3 fics in a day oof.

Context: You and Five were best friends, the night before he ran away he admitted his feelings to you, you went to school together and protected you from bullying. But now he’s gone.

words: 1318

Warning: Suicide, just sad really, bullying, swearing. 

Polaroids filled your wall, it reminded you of a happier time, a time that seemed so long ago. The pictures couldn’t keep you going anymore, it’d gotten too much and he wasn’t there anymore, he’d left you. You look at the photos while writing a letter with shaking hands, ink running on the page where your tears hit, the sound of them sounding like beating drums on a parade. You couldn’t wait for him, not anymore. 

You remember the night before it happened, even though it was almost two years ago, since he left, gone without a trace. A flash of blue and he was in your room, breathing heavily as he gently shook you awake.

“Five? What are you doing here?” He took a seat at the end of your bed, you sat up and rubbed your eyes. “Holding everything in doesn’t help, you know.” You say in a soft voice, placing a comforting hand on his back.

“y/n...” Five sighed, he was almost searching for the words to say, repeatedly opening and closing his mouth. He looked down at the ground, tears filling his eyes. “I’m going to do something really stupid tomorrow, I can’t tell you what, or why I’m going to do it.” He looked at you, his green eyes filled with sorrow.

“What do you mean Five?” You were confused, it was too early for this and you just didn’t understand what he was talking about, in hindsight, you should of known what he was going to do, you should of talked him out of it but you were naïve, stupid almost. Five was too smart for his own good, to wise for his age.

He looked at the floor again. “Y/n, please, just remember to wait for me.” he grabbed your hand. “Promise me you’ll wait.” He was begging you, pleading with you.

Without knowing what me meant you agreed, you agreed to wait for him from whatever he was doing. You watched as the boy you almost love push his hair out of his face with shaking hands. He grabbed your hands, almost trying to calm himself down, without a second though he leant over and pressed his lips to yours, it lasted mere seconds but felt like it was infinite, you were flying and didn’t want to land. 

“don’t forget me.”

And just like that he was gone, a flash of blue never to be seen again. How could you ever forget him, you never thought he’d be gone for long, maybe a week tops. But no, every nice thing must come to an end.

Five was your protector at school, thats how you met him, someone in the corridor had gone to punch you but as you braced yourself nothing hit you, you opened your eyes to see the bully in question on the floor and Five asking if you were ok and after that he never left your side. It only took a week after he ran away for the bullies to start again, pushing and shoving to mean comments and with no one to protect you anymore you just endured it, day in day out. Until finally, you shut down, after two years without him you couldn’t wait any longer.

You closed the letter, writing on the front as best you could with your shaking hand ‘for Five, when he comes back x’. You had left another note for your family, explaining on basic terms that you simply couldn’t do it anymore. Putting on your cheapest clothes you snuck out your window and made your way towards the Academy, you didn’t want to wear anything too expensive just incase your family had a hard time with money and needed to sell some stuff.

You approached the Academy’s doors, remembering the numerous times you had snuck in there with Five, or the time when pogo found you two giggling in Fives room and promised he’d keep it a secret, you smile at the fond memories. Quietly, you pushed the gates open and gently pushed the letter through the post box, and then you walked away, and you didn’t stop walking, not until you reached the cliffs at the shore. You took a breath of fresh air, dangerously close to the edge, the words of the bullies echoing in your head like a lone singer in an empty stadium ‘Five left because he couldn’t stand the sight of you’ and deep down you think its true, he hasn’t came back for you yet, but you could never forget him. You wanted to feel like you were flying again, like how you did with Five that night, the night he kissed you, you wanted to soar through the air again. So you did.

All Five could think about during the apocalypse was y/n, the thought of them was what kept him going through it all, through the wasteland, through the commission. He had finally done it, he’d got the equation, he didn’t care if he broke his contract he needed to see her smile again, hear her laugh. 

He fell though the portal, and looked up to see the rest of his siblings but y/n was no where to be seen. “Shit.” He looked round at their shocked faces. “Wheres y/n?” It took them a second to think about what they asked, little did he know they hadn’t heard of y/n since what happened.

“You’ve been gone for all that time and that’s the first thing you ask?” Luther stated, boy had he gotten big, but obviously his brain had shrunk since Five had left.

“Where is y/n.” Five asked again, louder this time. He watched their faces drop, how could they tell him.

“She’s dead Five.” Fives heart almost stopped, she couldn’t be, she promised she’d wait.

“Stop fucking lying. She can’t be, she promised me she’d wait!” He almost shouted at them. They were lying and he knew it, they were all lying.

“Five, y/n killed herself, two years after you left.” Allison jumped in before any of her brothers could talk. “She left you a letter, it’s in your room on your desk.” A flash of blue and he was gone, his chest was tight with the news, he couldn’t believe it, he wouldn’t.

There it was, a dusty letter sat neatly on his desk, untouched and preserved, y/n writing clear as day on the front ‘for Five, when he comes back x’ his hands begin to shake, there were tear droplets over the front of the letter. The more he read, the more his heart sank, the letter was rushed explaining every question he would of had on why you did it. Without even realising, his eyes stung, lifting a hand to his face he could feel the damp of his tears on his face but his body was numb with grief and his heart aching loss. At the end of the letter there was a polaroid of the two of you at Griddy’s, you’d ask one of the waitresses to take it for you, the waitress before taking the photo had mentioned about you being a cute couple and it made you both laugh right before she snapped the photo.

Fives vision was becoming blurred, he wanted to scream but no noise was coming out, a stabbing pain wracked through his whole body and he collapsed into a heap onto the floor clutching the photo of you both close to his chest, hoping it would ease the pain. He couldn’t help but blame himself for what you did, he shouldn’t of left. All he could do is silently cry, he couldn’t even think of what to do but he knew one thing, he had to stop the apocalypse and go back, go back to save you, to see your smile again. He would do anything to be back with you, even if it killed him.

[hobimysun-shine]

bts as billie eilish songs

I love both artist so much because they are so diverse, so driven and in love with their art, so here’s what my mind created at 2am when i actually gotta study for an exam, but anyhow, enjoy

Jeon Jungkook - Ocean eyes 

“Can't stop thinking of your diamond mind Careful creature Made friends with time”

- color scheme: Venice lavender; purple rain; valor blue 

- grey clouds, quiet ocean, salty air, cold sand, bare feet, long sweater, careful wind, watery eyes, 

- angelic, naive, trusting, incapable of stopping emotions

- a feel of uncertainty for the future, because you still have so much to experience in life, it’s hard to know who to trust, where to go and what your tears mean, who you should give them to 

- young love, pain

- it basically speaks of someone who is impressed by another human - love based on instinct and intuition, when you’re young you just feel things, even if you don’t know where these emotions come from (jungkook-namjoon relationship) ; 

- trusting someone by the feeling you get around them, without being able to trust your common sense,

- have you seen jungkook’s beautiful, ocean, doe eyes ?? (if not, then wth you doin’ with your life))

Park Jimin - idontwannabeyouanymore

“I just wish you could feel what you say Show, never tell But I know you too well Got a mood that you wish you could sell

Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before I don't wanna be you anymore”

- color scheme: pale smoke; scotch mist; apple blossom 

- cold air, morning dew, raindrops at the bottom of your window, the fabric softener your mom uses to wash your sheets, soft breathing on the side of your neck, white mirrors 

-  self-persuasion, self-critique, inner conflict, serenity, content, libra’s aesthetic approach

- if you have listened to lie and looked at the lyrics, you know why i chose this song for jimin 

- you basically get the feeling that the person is speaking to himself in this song, trying to find an answer, as to why he puts himself through all these hardships, when he could break free from this vacuum of perfectionism he created for himself

- let’s be real, we all know what jimin had to go through and maybe is still going through with being too harsh on himself, with his body image and his appearance on stage, i hope he is doing well now and is content with himself, cause he is a 100/10 and we all love him so much 

Kim Taehyung - hostage; my boy 

“I wanna be alone Alone with you - does that make sense? I wanna steal your soul”

“ My boy's an ugly crier but he's such a pretty liar”

- color scheme: concord purple; red wine; aurum gold

- big windows, night sky, city view, studio apartment, dark walls, smell of acrylic paint, ripped jeans with that paint splattered on them, acoustic guitars on the walls, quiet jazz music, film paper smoke, deep laughter, strong arms around your waist

- artistic freedom, no fear of judgement, mutual understanding, chest butterflies, assurance, hope, soulmates, in tune with your emotions, who cares if the world doesn’t get us, we get us

- hostage just reminds me of two people, who connect on a soul level so much, that what happens is their love turns into mutual engagement, similar to keeping each other as hostages in their hearts, however i wanted to turn the meaning of that song less toxic for taehyung,, 

- i believe that if there’s a member that would want to connect with people in such level as the song suggests, it would be taehyung

- as for my boy, idk it just gives me a similar base line as in singularity, and i don’t know it’s just probably my fave song of billie and i feel like it is just taehyung’s vibe when i listen to it 

Jung Hoseok - bellyache

“ Everything I do the way I wear my noose Like a necklace I wanna make 'em scared like I could be anywhere Like I'm wreck-less

I lost my mind I don't mind “

- color scheme: marigold yellow; apricot orange; candy red

- summer heat, tan skin, blushed cheeks, endless roads, loose shirts, scratched knees, rich kids away from home, one backpack and a shiny red ford convertible from your bf’s dad’s garage, loud music, lips, swollen from kissing, night fireworks

- fed up with everything, escape from reality, that one summer you will never forget, vibrant love, point of no return, rhythm, gut intuition, boldness 

- i don’t know exactly either, it’s just these are the connections i make when i hear this song, and all of that screams hobi to me (aries moon) 

- also am i the only one who imagines he would make a killer dance routine to that song (but again he could probably dance to a water drops going down a pipe, so,,)

Namjoon - bury a friend; copycat 

“What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? What are you wondering? What do you know? Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me? When we all fall asleep, where do we go? “

“ Perfect murder, take your aim I don't belong to anyone, but everybody knows my name”

- color scheme: pearl river; silver fox, steel wood

- empty stage, burning projectors slowly being turned off, microphone heavy in your hand, as the words that went though it start to make sense, sweaty hair, footsteps echoing in the vast space, feeling of falling down, unexpected, but comforting hug, security, the calming scent of someone you know in this new environment, tears of fear and excitement at the same time, new life, new beginning

-  words said out loud, revenge, mixed feeling of content and fast approaching emptiness, always racing thoughts, insomnia, trying to fill a void, searching for an overall meaning, 

- so bury a friend is just has all these questions man. they remind me of rm’s mind. i feel like all of them are things he had already asked himself, or themes he implies in his songs too 

- copycat is for namjoon swiftly leading a group that got a ton of criticism in the beginning and is still getting hate, but regardless he manages to stay on top, write what he feels, be a real artist and throw everything people said about bts failing back at their faces 

Min Yoongi - lovely ; you should see me in a crown 

“Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here Even if it takes all night or a hundred years Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear”

“ You should see me in a crown I'm gonna run this nothing town Watch me make 'em bow One by one by, one”

- color scheme: marble white; smoke ember; royal silver;  

- dark room, cold hands, shaky breath, unable to look at each other’s eyes, fear of the outside and the inside, pocket money, long fingers pressing the out-of-tune piano keys, weary smiles, small steps

                                          (....)

 steady hands, marble walls, scent of freshly printed documents, looking through a box of old photo albums your mom sent, turning the pages a larger hand stops you from flipping the next page, two teenagers than look awfully like you two are staring back fearfully, low chuckles, eyes full of love  

- strong minds, growth, stability, strength, control, prosperity, hard work, passion, ambition

- lovely is in here because i feel like it portrays struggles with mental health and depression very well. you feel trapped and you feel like there is no one else who understands your personal hell and you are the only one who has to find a way for yourself to get out of that place. yoongi has been in such places before as we’ve heard from him and his lyrics, so i though lovely represents his struggles when he was younger

- you should see me in a crown. literally that’s all i can say, he worked for his success and he got it and he deserves it and he is killing it right now

- yall don’t know the amount of respect i got for this man and everything he has been through and i feel like these two songs portray his lowest and his highest in life and take account every struggle along the way and how he truly deserves everything he has right now 

Kim Seokjin - when the party’s over

“ Don't you know I'm no good for you I've learned to lose you, can't afford to

Don't you know too much already I'll only hurt you if you let me

Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that”

- color scheme: night snow, onyx black, muddy grey

- smell of liquor, messy steps, blurred vision, flood of thoughts, the darkest time of the night, dried streams of tears on your cheeks, your boyfriend’s hand quietly holding yours, but them you have to split ways, walking alone on the dead street, cold wind air hitting your face, but you find comfort in it, you reach home, but you can’t seem to go in; so you sit on the sidewalk, looking down; you hear distant steps; he sits down in the snow next to you; the sky slowly, but surely becomes lighter 

- quiet sadness, deeper understanding of the world, human relationships seem harder, yet simpler, timeless feeling, a sense of maturity

- this song is just a masterpiece. hear me out, i don’t think i would understand this song as well as i do now, if i have listened to it a few years back. I would have been like “oh yeah it’s sad”

-But like. no. It’s not just sad. It’s a song that shows so much maturity and experience with life that first of all, idk how billie is so young and is able to create music like that. Second of all i don’t think anyone else of bts would fit better to it, than jin 

- people tend to overlook his deeper emotions because he tends to distract from them, he always acts “silly” and tells jokes, but i feel like in songs like epiphany and awake we can see that jin really sees the world and his abilities from a much more mature point of view than other members. And i get the same vibe from billie’s song, so i feel like it would fit best for jin. 

So actually this was way longer than i planned, but yeah, this is just strictly my opinion and it was just an idea i had at 3am now, as i said, hope it’s fun to read :))

im off to bed, because i’m so sleep deprived i will start hearing colors soon 

[queercode-my-minecraft]

Smol! Patton and older Patton with his bf Roman ( @chemically-imbalanced-romance the idea was from the tutu! Patton anon you received, I just got really inspired)

(more under cut because it became so long)

It’s basically Royality (ballet dancer!Patton and actor!Roman) 

The ages are basically: Patton, Roman and Virgil are all the same age, while Logan is a year older (you bet he teases his borther, Roman, about it endlessly)

they met in kindergarden, nobody really know how; their parents only know that they stopped to talk with the guy that would look over them and when they returned to the two of them they were playing happily

when they were younger (five years? ye) Patton and Roman started ballet lessons together (Roman’s older brother Logan did ballet there so their parents thought: “Why not?”)

idk if you ever saw the end performance of five year olds but it’s so cute, like wow! and you bet that their parents took videos and photos of the performance

(when Patton is feeling down he’ll look at his past performances and chuckles nostalgicaly)

theres also that one kid who wont leave the stage because they love the attention and thats Roman (Patton was the one who would wave at the audience the whole time) 

that’s the first time Roman has actually shown to love the stage and the attention (he also was a quiet kid, who rarely spoke so Roman’s parents began thinking)

the next year was their first year of elementary school and their second year doing ballet, Roman also began taking drama, which he absoloutly loves

he often talked to Patton about what they did during drama and Patton was happy for him but also really jealous 

time passes and Patton learns not to be so much jealous of Roman (as time passes they also discover Roman’s dyscalculia and Patton’s ADHD)

Middle School time!

Insecurity time! but, in middle school you never tell anyone that you feel insecure, so everyone gets super angsty and thinks they’re living worse than others but they never get help to sort the bad things that happen to you and im getting in too many details

Patton and Roman get bullied i know that Patt is the sweetest guy but bullies do see that as a weakness for liking feminine things

Patton feels hurt about those words but continues persuing his passion, while Roman starts closing in himself

This is until an evening in May during their last year, where Roman and Patton are walking back from drama and ballet respectivly and as they’re walking Patton is telling him about what he learned and as Roman looks at Pat he just stops dead in his tracks and starts sobbing

Patton is taken aback, sure he saw that Roman was getting quieter but he thought that was normal for their age!

“Hey, Ro-Ro, what happened?” Patton drops his bag and hugs Roman, who clings at Patton

“I-I want to be more like y-you, y-you’re so so so ni-nice and you lo-love dancing and th-they-their words don’t hurt you a-and I ju-just hear they- them calling m-me gay and-” A loud sob by Roman interrupts his speech, but he doesn’t want to leave Patton down, because he’s his best friend and he deserves to know everything

“and I am” the words are uttered in a whisper, Patton understands and hugs him tighter, wishing he could never let go of his best friend

after some time they leave the others embrace and they return home. Patton doesn’t want to leave his best friend so they walk hand in hand, whispering to each other “I know exactly how you feel.” “You do?” “Well, not exactly. But, their words do hurt me too and at times I wish they didn’t...”

when their parents take them off their phones for some weeks they’re absolutely fine with it because now they start a new chapter of their friendship where they’re more sincere with each other

Highschool time!

The bullying stops, they’ve changes school and they don’t know anyone but the other (I feel like during their freshmen year they’re kind of like Two Player Game, but sort of different) 

that’s the year where they meet Virgil Alighieri (I am so damn sorry) and he kind of starts hanging out with them

He’s really closed off and quiet and Patton sees Roman of that night in the guy, while Roman sees what he was supposed to be (and he hates it so much, which brings him to antagonise the poor guy for a semester) and Virgil doesn’t want to destroy the bond between these two friends because they’re so close and he doesn’t want to destroy anything as usual

sophomore year starts and Roman is dating some guy he met during vacation?? which they actually know because he goes to their school?? 

Patton is so confused and Virgil just pats his back trying to comfort him, so Patton turns around at this smol guy and start saying what he’s thinking in that precise moment. No filters

“He’s my best friend and, I don’t know, should friends feel like jealous that they’re dating someone... else? We’re always been really affectionate and I don’t really want to destroy our friendship, he’s so important and WHAT IF I MESS EVERYTHING UP?!” 

Virgil is taken aback by the outburst (he hates loud noises) and murmurs “That does sound pretty gay, Pat.”

So, Patton loses himself in dancing. It kind of becomes his escape and he hates that it has become like that. Roman is in a similar situation. He’s seeing his best friend working his ass off training and he’s withdrawing, but there’s also Virgil who just smiles sympathetically and says “I don’t know too, dude.” and on the other side there’s his boyfriend that wants them to do stuff that he really doesn’t feel the need (he never did)

they’re in May, again, but this time its raining and Patton is alone walking from practice (probably watching some old video) and Roman comes running towards him

When Patton looks at his friend, he can’t tell if his make-up (Roman had fallen in love with the stuff) has been destroyed by the rain ir by his tears “I-I broke up with him...”

Patton opens his arms to hug his friend but Roman shakes his head and says “I’ve come here to tell you I’m sorry for my previous actions, I shouldn’t have let you... withdraw from us. Because I care so much about you and I don’t want you to feel hurt by me anymore, so if you want to stop... being friends I’m okay. Besides I have finished all my tears for tonight.” Which was wrong, because when Patton hugged him in tears, Roman hugged back tearing up too

The next two years pass in a blur of Monsters, films, stress, practice,  homework, tears, doodles on the side of the paper and chatter in class During class, it’s October and there’s a timid light that enters the classroom. Roman and Patton are doodling on a paper, well, in the moment Patton is doodling and Roman looks at Patton, with his freckles and his bright eyes and realizes he has fallen for him.

College time!

they kind of ended up in the same college, where also Logan goes. Roman and Patton decide to take a room together, while Logan (who had a terrible experience with his previous a certain Nate) takes Virgil

Virgil is absoloutly smitten about Logan from the moment he saw him so he passes the first month trying not to meet the guy escaping in the other too’s room

but they’re aren’t having it easy too, because they’re both crushing on each other and they would be hilarious if it wasn’t so awkward (for Virgil, Logan finds its weird, how the two act but hey! you can’t see him gushing about Virgil to Roman, so at least he doesn’t bug his brother like someone else does!)

Logan slowly develops a crush on Virgil during the two semesters

it’s summer and Roman and Patton are walking back from Patton’s practice, he’s in one of his practice-to-wear-thingies and it has this sort of dress, his hair is tied up in a weird curly bun and... Roman is kissing Patton.

Patton never kissed anyone so he’s terrified, Roman believes he kissed someone who was his best friend and he’s terrified. They’re both terrified, but they think that this will probabl be the only kiss with the other so they try their best (can I even say that?) 

when they stop they’re breathing heavily and smiling so much it hurts 

“That was... amazing” 

“Yeah... Wait! You really think so? Would you actually kiss ME again?” Roman is smiling ear to ear, and Patton hopes he isnt going to say the wrong thing

“I would kiss you again and again... if you asked... and not in a friends that kiss, but in a boyfriend manner?” tried Patton, quickly adding the ending at Roman’s face. 

“I’d love that, Pat”

[kpopisthereasonihavenolife]

Who’s Crushing on the New Manager? [1]

Monsta X

Son Hyunwoo (Shownu)/Reader [F]

Words: 2.8k

Genre: Fluff

Others: Intro / Shownu / Wonho / Minhyuk / Kihyun / Hyungwon / Jooheon / IM

-------------------------------------------------

“I’m Y/N, I’ll be in your care.”

Her voice was just as soft and warm as her smile.  It didn’t take much, but those few seconds.  He already knew that that soft fluttering in his stomach was none other than a small crush, ready to blossom into so much more.

Shownu cleared his throat and kept his professionalism in check as he bowed back to her, eyes locking back with her as he straightened his spine.  

“Hyunw- uh, I mean Shownu.”  You chuckled at him, as he stopped himself from introducing himself with his given name.  You nodded to him, an amused smile on your face.

“Yes, I know who you are, I am your manager after all.”  Your chuckle almost made his cheeks heat along with the pounding in his chest.  Of course you knew, he didn’t really need to introduce himself.  The short conversation was interrupted by the official who spoke up before he turned to leave.

“Please take Ms. Y/L/N to the studio and introduce the rest of the boys to her.  And Please, don’t scare her off.”  You giggled at his smirk and Shownu just rolled his eyes playfully before the official took off to wherever he came from. Shownu looked at you, your face turned slightly away from him as you watched the man walk off.  

Your profile was just as magnificent as looking at your face head on.  He was already convinced you owned every angle and didn’t have a bad one.  When you looked back to him, he kept looking at you. You two just stared at each other for a moment before he smoothly angled his body to silently lead you.

“Shall we?  I have a feeling the boys are getting rowdy and anxious.”  You chuckled, which made him smile.  

“What makes you think so?”

“Call it a leader’s instinct.”  

“Is it as good as what we women call intuition?”  He sucked in a breath through his teeth playfully.

“I don’t know about that.”  And with that short interaction, he silently followed you to where the rest of the boys were.  And when you arrived, he was spot on. It was quite a sight.

Chankyun was in a corner, just screaming?  For no reason? Minhyuk was running around, chasing Jooheon for God knows why.  Hyungwon was sitting on the couch, seemingly normal, until you notice the lump that is under his rear was most definitely not the couch, but Wonho’s back.  The younger boy pushing the older into the cushions.  And Kihyun had emerged dramatically with his ipad in his hand, belting a note that was stable, but, coming from him, was rusty in sound.  

Shownu just stood where he was, and put his hand on his forehead, moving his finger to pinch the bridge of his nose and just breath.  Why? Why were they like this?  Was it because they had a new manager?  No, that couldn’t be it, could it?  They hadn’t done this before?

While he stood there, he heard you cover your mouth, the slap of your palm hitting your lips catching his ear.  He looked down at you through his fingers and noticed your red face and shaking shoulders. He was about to question you, making sure you were okay when you burst out laughing.  

You laughed loud as you clutched at your stomach, nearly untucking your shirt with how hard you gripped it.  Soon, the chaos that was the boys calmed down and they all swarmed around you, smiles and laughter of their own.  Minhyuk was the one that came to your free side and slung an arm over your shoulder, before Shownu smacked it off.  

It was bad manners.  Yeah, that’s why he did it.  

When all the laughter died to just chuckled and harsh breaths, introductions finally began. They introduced themselves one by one, with cheesy titles attached to their names, like ‘sexiest member’, ‘softest’, ‘cutest’, etc.  When they were done, you just told them that an introduction was necessary for their part, but it was appreciated anyways.  You gave your name and then happily told them that you would enjoy working with them.  

The energy that they radiated was contagious and it just made a person smile.  That first day wasn’t too much, and all you did was get to know the members.  And soon that day ended and you went back to your apartment while the boys when to the dorms.   

The next day, the boys were to go to a showcase for their fans, as well as hold an interview about their next album and, of course, other music related questions.  So, the day had started early for them, earlier for you.  You had woken up early, getting all the schedule times down before hopping in your car to get to the building and then follow the van the boys use to travel in.  

When you had stopped at the dorms, you watched the 7 sleepy boys amble out in their clothes, masks and caps on as they all piled in the van.  A few offered small waves to you, but it took a lot for them to properly function with so little rest.  You felt bad for them as you let out your own small yawn.  

Then, you were off again and before you knew it, you were getting out before them and waiting at the entrance of the building they were using. A bit more awake, some of them had questioned and complimented your attire.  You were in casual clothing today, and would start to dress this way unless something came up that required you to dress up again.  

Dark jeans that hugged your legs, a t-shirt tucked only in the back slightly, a black jacket and your shoes. Your hair was down and a cap was on your head to hide your, probably now tamed, bed hair that a brush couldn’t get rid of.

“The casual look today?” Shownu had approached you as the boys walked in front of you, maneuvering through the halls.  You nodded to him, looking at the piece of paper in your hands as you walked, reading through what they were doing and when today.  

“Yeah.  I only dressed in a business casual attire yesterday because I had to finish up paperwork in the main building offices.  But, since I’m working and on my feet most of the time, and since it’s not like i have a dress code to follow, I’ll be dressing more or less like this.  Unless, of course, I’m asked to dress up.”  He nodded at you, it made sense.  Part of him felt bad for the life of a manager.  He had a hard enough time working with the hard schedule.

Recordings, little rest, sometimes finding hard times to stop and eat well, filming, editing, photo shots, travel; it was all a lot sometimes.  But, he felt like managers had it a tad worse.  With them having to work before the schedules, always be ready at all times, make adjustments in their own time, even when they should be having a break.  They were a big step in the hypothetical drawing board that is the life of an idol.  

And even if they didn’t show it as much as they wished they did, every one of the boys respected their manager, and every other staff member who would work with them.  They were all hard working and talented people with skills that flourish to new extents.  

And, with that first, tiring, fun, fan-filled day rapidly moving by, everything fell into place.  Day after day passed with you as their manager and everyone of them getting a specific relationship with you across.  Some like brothers, some playful friends, but there was one member whose line was blurred, and not distinguished like the others.  

None other than Son Hyunwoo.  

The leader of the group would always be polite, and would always seem so calm around you, but if you turned away or left the room, he would basically crumple into his chair or into the couch or steal longing stares your way until you looked back to him, in which he promptly turned his head.  

Point was, he did a bad job of hiding the fact he had a crush on you. Your personality was infectious, happy and full of smiles.  Even when the schedule was packed and times were tough, you always tried your best to make sure they were feed, safe and happy.  Putting a smile on everyone’s face no matter what the obstacle.  

That in itself was attractive to Shownu, not to mention your maturity in which you handle situations.  You would be this fun, playful, prankster at times, but when it really counted, you would turn into this professional manager with every fact, piece of information, time and number ready on the tip of your tongue to any question.  

You astonished him.  Yet, you never seemed to know his gazes.  You were oblivious to it even.  He didn’t know if you were just too busy to notice, which would be logical, or if you were just oblivious in nature to notice these things, or if you were just uninterested.  He didn’t know.  

However, you may not have noticed him, but everyone else did.  Namely his team.  And they did not let him leave it down.

They would tease him in the dorms, and behind closed doors openly, and if you were around, they’d just shot him looks or one member would put on a dramatic two way romance with another member.  But, even if they gave him crap, they thought the idea of you two as a couple was cute as hell and supported it with their whole heart.  

Then one day, he somehow worked up the courage to tell you.  Tell you everything.  And how it happened surprised even himself, as it was a spur of the moment.  

The boys had a rare day to themselves, and many stayed at the dorms, and so you decided to pay them a visit as a friend, not a manager that day.  It was a fun filled day until you had to leave and it had already gotten quite late, so Shownu had offered to take one of their cars and drive you back to your apartment.  

You agreed as the two left the house and he did as he intended.  He drove you, dropped you off, said your goodbyes and he left.  But, it wasn’t until about the halfway point back to the dorms, where he suddenly stopped, turned around and was driving back to your apartment building.

He don’t know why he did this, or what made him do it.  Maybe he was finally fed up with hiding it, or maybe he just was thinking irrationally, he had no idea.  He had no clue what he was doings, what he would say, or why he would say it.  He just thought of you and that fueled everything on.  Everything he was unsure about, but he was concrete on what he would do tonight, reject or accepted.

He’d tell you everything.  

So, when he parked in the parking garage and ran out of the car, and up to your floor, he was out of breath as he rang the bell by the small box speaker by your door.  When you came over the speaker to see who it was, all he did was ask to be let in, in which, surprised you ran to the door in a frenzy and opened it up.  

He nearly melted at the sight of you.  Apparently, he had been gone long enough for you to wash the makeup off your face and change into a pair of pj pants littered in small bears and a white tank top.  He chuckled at your pants, seeing the bears as you offered him inside.  He stepped in, but didn’t leave the door within 5 feet.  You looked at him quizzically.  

“Hyunwoo?  What’s wrong?”  That was another thing he loved about you.  You always called him by his real name when it was just the two of you.  It was something so small, but he didn’t want his name to be said by anyone else like that.  

“I have a problem, and I think you’re the only one who can help me figure it out.  I don’t care what the outcome is, I just need closure.  To get it out.”  He was still slightly out of breath.  You didn’t know what he was talking about, and you bit back the red threatening to erupt your face and secretly gripped at your pants to keep your breathing and heart rate in check.  

You tried to offer him inside, for water or something to calm him down.  But, once again all he did was stand there.  In the doorway, staring at you.  Through you almost.  

“Hyunwoo, just come inside.  We can talk about it when you’ve had time to catch-”

“I like you, okay?” You nearly fell over.  The red you had suppressed now overpowered you and started to spread over your cheeks and nose.  Your gripped your pants tighter, less secretly now.  “I know your busy, busier than me-”

“You know I’m not busier than you.”  You interrupted, but he kept talking like you hadn’t.

“-But I had to tell you before anyone else did.  I’ve always thought you were cute, but it kept growing in my head and my chest and now all I do is stare and admire and just want to be here.”  There was silence as you focused your eyes on his shirt, his plain white shirt as you felt his eyes bore into your face.  

“I said I wouldn’t mind the outcome, reject me or not, I-”  You whipped your head up, eyes blown and red littered on you face.

“Why would I reject you?!”  Your quickly slapped your hands over your mouth, turning redder still, as you wanted to crawl into a hole and just hide.  “I-I mean, who would do that?  Reject the opportunity to possibly be in a relationship with such a good man?  That’s just crazy talk, or maybe I’m talking crazy, or just… I’m crazy.”  You huffed as you bent down to the floor, hugging you knees and hiding your embarrassed face into them.  

The boys had been picking fun at you for month and your loud crush for their leader.  It was a typical ‘we know, they don’t scenario they found themselves in.  You thought you had been the only one who was teased in private, but hearing it from Shownu, he probably got the same treatment.  It almost made you laugh.  

You jumped as you felt your wrist being grabbed along with your opposite arm and then your body being pulled back to your feet.  Once you were nearly straightened up, you then were pushed into a chest as arms wrapped around your shoulders.  Your breath hitched as you felt a chuckle rumble from Shownu’s chest and into your ear.  

“Your warm.”  You pouted and wanted to hit at his sides, but your arms felt like jelly.  It was like you had no control of your body.  

“Shut up. It’s rude to tease you manager.”  He chuckled again, rubbing your back in a way that made your eyes droop.  He was one of the few members who knew of your constant back pain, so the little action did a lot of you and your racing heart no doubt.  

“But, your more than my manager, so I think it’s okay.”  You felt your pulse in your hands and arms, heart quickening more and more.  

“More?”  Your voice rose an octave, cracking slightly as you asked him to elaborate.  That same chuckle hit your ears for the third time.  A fourth and you’d probably drop to your knees again, slipping from his arms.  

“You’re my manager, sure, but you’re also someone special.  A friend, an important person, and if you give me the pleasure of saying ‘yes’, then you can have the chance of being my girlfriend.”  You wanted to whine at him, he was being too sweet, too smooth for himself.  He was confidence, because part of him knew.  He knew you couldn’t say no.

“If you stay the night, I’ll be more inclined to say yes.”  You all but whispered into his chest.  You wanted to try and take some control of the situation, but ultimate, Shownu saw through your attempted and pulled his phone from his back pocket. 

He quickly sent a text to the group chat he had with the guys, saying he’d be staying with you for the night and that she’d drive him to the dorm tomorrow when their schedule picks back up.  Of course a few cracks came afterwards, but it was done.  

Now, you were his, and he wasn’t ready to let you go for at least the next 100 years or longer.  Depending on how long his life is.  Point being, you were his for the rest of his life, and you had no qualms about it.  

You were his manager, but now, you were just his, as he was yours.  For a long, long time.  

[legion1993]

You Killed My Love, Now Your Blood Pays My Revenge!

A/N: this is for @imagineteamfreewill for meg's chicon challenge... another bumpy ride!

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Prompt: "If you take one more step, I can promise you that you won't like what comes next."

Summery: you and Sam have been together for a year and a half now... you loved hunting and sparring cooking dancing basically you guys loved trying to be as normal as possible! but when you found out that azazal was trying to open the devils gate and that he had captured Sam... you were dead set on a rescue mission one that you knew would one way or another not end well...

Masterlist

to hunt is to hunt things that go bump in the night... that's also how you met the love of your life.

Sam and his Brother Dean had saved you from a pack of werewolves, your heart raced as Sam's giant form covered yours protecting you from the lunging werewolf...

he took a set of claw marks to save you, you later thanked him by bandaging his wounds and giving him a kiss which led to a blurred night of passion!

that was what started you on the Winchester love trail... only to have something tear you away from your love...

Sam: "so according to every single biblical reference there is something called the devils gate!!! and apparently..."

Y/N: "the apocalypse is on the way and somehow Sam is apart of it..."

Dean: “ya so am i... well apart of the apocalypse anyway but you were very very right when you said that Sam is massively apart of this...”

Bobby: “none of you are 2 far off, everything with Azazel it lines up directly for the fucking apocalypse... if Azazel gets his hands on Sam he can use his blood to open the devil’s gate which is like the gateway to the part of hell where all the higher form demons and things are kept...”

Dean: “then he shan’t get him...”

Bobby: “if we let him out of the area he needs to be with someone he cant go alone... till we can find the devils gate and till we can can stop azazel we need to stay safe...”

Sam: “maybe we shouldn’t change anything maybe we should keep them the same...”

you shot straight out of your chair and stormed out of there before another word could be said...

Bobby: “Sam do you not realize what that girl has done to save your ass... seriously boy whats wrong with you... thinking things could be normal is an understatement... this is not normal, someone else would have left your ass, this girl sacrificed her entire career, going to school and everything to hunt full time just to spend all her time with you boy...”

Dean: “bobby has a point, Y/N showed me a photo of her scholarship she was supposed to be heading to Yale the week after she met us... but she gave it all up for you...  she said that giving up Yale broke her heart but she mended her heart when she started dating you bro...”

Sam looked out the door watching you standing near the edge of the property... he sunk his head down low...

Sam: “she gave all that up for me... why would she do that... i didnt ask her too...”

Dean: “you didn’t have to... she did it cause she loves you dude...”

Bobby: “Sam go talk to her now before i kick your ass to kingdom come...”

Sam got up off his chair and walked out the door adjusting his shirt a thousand times before you turned around and stood in a fighting stance...

Y/N: “what now Sam? come to break up with me to make things easier...”

Sam: “that’s not it at all, Y/N i love you and i always will... but right now you have no idea what kind of pressure i am under, i mean having my girlfriend, my uncle and my brother protecting me, its like i never had the chance to grow up at all...”

you started walking away, knowin’ he would follow, your own heart screaming at you, your mind dangerously wandering... that’s when you stopped dead in your tracks, you could feel someone or something else following you and Sam...

Sam: “whats wrong?”

Y/N: “someone or something else is following us...”

Sam: “stand back to back with me we need to prepare for anything...”

Y/N: “no we need to get back to the house...”

you turn to leave but stop immediately, you turn around to see Azazel approaching you but cant stop him in time before you get blasted into a tree... Sam rushes to your side...

Sam: “Y/N...”

Azazel: “minions grab him...”

immediately as fast as Sam’s arms had been around you, they left you as quick as well... you leaned against the tree grasping your side, you dared to look but you of course were able to move long enough to see there was blood, you pulled out your phone and hit dial for Dean...

Dean (over the phone): “Y/N...”

Y/N (over the phone): “Sam, Azazel, ambush... woods just outside of Bobby’s... im bleeding...”

Dean (over the phone): “stay calm we are on our way...”

the best description of what happened next is simple:

you were rescued by both Dean and Bobby who brought you back to the house, stitching you up they listened to you about what happened... 

as you explained how you felt like you & Sam were being followed while arguing and working out your issues in the woods... 

you were stitched up quickly before Bobby spoke up with some interesting news...

Bobby: “so i dug around a little bit more after Sam went to talk to you... i found out that Samuel Colt made a set of railway tracks in the shape of a devils trap... in the center of it is a bunch of empty field and a graveyard...”

you get up off your chair and you smile lightly making your way to grab your gun holster, you put it on switching your torn bloody shirt out for your plaid shirt, leaving it undone knowing you were wearing your sports bra... 

you were stopped by Bobby & Dean before you could reach the door... no one could tell what the fuck you were thinkng, no one could tell how pissed you were...

Y/N: “Bobby, Dean get out of my god damn way...”

Dean: “where the hell do you think you are going?”

Y/N: “i am going to get Sam back... you can get out of my way or you can come with me... but the longer we wait the worse i fear it will get...”

Dean: “slow down and think about this for a moment, Sam wouldn’t want you to do something stupid... especially when it comes to hunting or even that of saving him yourself... don’t do anything you would regret...”

Y/N: “i owe him Dean he took that huge werewolf scratch for me, i have to do this to repay him for that...”

Dean stood aside he understood where you were coming from... Bobby staring at you like you were nuts didn’t stand aside, but you walked right passed him out to your motorcycle slinging your bag of weapons on your back... you shot one more look at the house, to see Dean and Bobby standing there looking at you...

you drive off and all you could think about was the love of your life being in the hands of yellow eyes himself... although you had no idea that after you left you were about to be followed or beaten to the devils gate...

~back at Bobby’s~

Dean and Bobby were on the phone with Ellen and Jo...

Ellen: “wait wait wait woah slow down guys... we have a few small options...”

Dean: “like what ellen we couldn’t stop Y/N from leaving...”

Ellen: “boy don’t make me come over there and slap you, now lets all get to the devils gate before she does... how long ago did she leave...”

Bobby: “bout an hour...”

Ellen: “ok boys listen up Jo and I will go on ahead but at the end of it we all need to be there, this is all hands on deck... we will also see if we can talk some sense into Y/N...”

after a few seconds of silence the line disconnected, leaving dean and bobby standing in the kitchen, not sure what just happened...

Bobby: “i guess we should pack...”

Dean: “i guess we should...”

while they packed and loaded the cars you were almost at the cemetary in wyoming... but thats when you saw it, you saw the same beat up car blocking your path you pulled into the small motel parking lot to see who the fuck was blocking your path... 

you got off the bike and stored towards the other car only to watch the doors open... 

Ellen: “calm down girl its us...”

Y/N: “Ellen, Jo what the hell are you guys doing here...”

Jo: “we could ask you the same thing... but Bobby and Dean filled us in, after they called in a panic... saying you took off all pissed and hell bent on rescuing Sam whatever it takes...”

Y/N: “damnit i knew they would call for backup but i didn’t think you would try to stop me from saving the love of my life... of all people in this world i expected you guys to be on my side...”

you stormed towards the motel office to book a room, you didnt know how long you would be so you booked it for 3 days... this way you would either succeed or die trying... once in the room you unpacked the weapons to polish them...

Y/N (to self): “just because i want to be the one to save the love of my life doesn’t mean i don’t think any less of the rest of them, seriously its my fault Sam got captured, its my fault we were even outside of the property...”

Ellen: “its not your fault hun...”

Y/N: “if Sam and i hadn’t been arguing, i wouldn’t have stormed off, if i hadn’t stormed off he wouldn’t have come after me, he wouldn’t have gotten captured...”

Ellen comes over and sits beside you on the bed noticing you starting to cry, making sure that she was there incase you had a meltdown... you were on the verge of one, but you were just upset and angry... that is never a good combination of emotions in any circumstance...

Jo: “the impala should be arriving soon... mom let me worry about Y/N you deal with Bobby and Dean...”

Ellen: “ok, but neither of you leave this room tonight... well all head out as a group when the sun rises...”

Jo: “don’t worry i wont leave her side...”

you let go of Ellen and got swept into Jo’s embrace, Ellen heard the roar of the impala as she headed for the door, both you and Jo sitting cuddled on the bed... Ellen shut the door which stopped Bobby and Dean from entering...

Ellen: “she’s with Jo she is fine, neither of you are to enter this room you hear me...”

Bobby and Dean nod as they present the map to Ellen of how the lines are on the devils trap... while you and Jo sit inside and cuddle...

Jo: “once everyone is asleep we will leave, Mom will most likely bunk with Bobby and Dean... just to give us some space... so we will head out after they go to bed...”

Y/N: “but what...”

Jo: “if your gonna ask about my mom don’t worry by the time she realizes whats happened it will be too late...”

Y/n: “good but the only things we will need are guns, bullets, and voices... its mainly gonna be demons... no one is gonna blame us for this, we are gonna get in so much shit but i don’t care, i wouldn’t sleep much anyway without Sam by my side...”

Jo: “i know how you feel girl... its gonna be ok, tomorrow you will have the love of your life back, and we will spend more time together right...”

Y/N: “absolutely... i just hope i’m ready for this... but if Azazel has hurt Sam in any way shape or form, ill kill him... well that’s the plan anyway but it will be worse...”

You pull the colt out of your bag, Jo looks at it then at you and then back at the gun...

Jo: “does dean know you have this?”

Y/N: “no he doesn’t and that’s the thing is he hasn’t noticed that i took it for weeks now... i have been waiting for an opportunity to arise for me to kill this son of a bitch... i’m not gonna let him kill Sam... when do we leave...”

Jo: “in a while... i mean if we tried to leave now, we would surely be drawn and quartered...”

Y/N: “i know but every second we just sit here it could mean one second less time we have till they spill all of Sam’s blood or worse...”

Jo places her hand on your shoulder and then goes to see the stash of weaponry you brought seeking out a nice set of gun and bullets... she grabs the duel glocks you have sitting there... 

Jo: “these are very nice...”

Y/N: “lets just say they are great for making head shots on vamps, i dont even have to get dirty...”

Jo: “what do they shoot range wise?”

Y/N: “260 range...”

Jo’s jaw drops in shock and surprise... you were amazed that she didnt know...

Jo: “your kidding right?”

Y/N: “nope but my duel Uzi that i have in my duel holster are 2 up from those glocks... laced with demon trapping bullets and silver bullets... however Jo you use those glocks they wont let you put them back down, i took those off a witch who spelled them to be used against hunters, i had a different witch de spell them but they bond with their owner...”

Jo: “how will i know when they have bonded with me...”

Y/N: “when your strength feels like its gonna rip your shirt...”

at that moment Jo felt what you just described... you were certain that someone was gonna die tonight and you had a feeling that more than one life would be lost, if not 2 then 1...

that moment that the door 2 down from you guys shut and the sound of bobby, ellen and Dean floated through the walls you and Jo geared up and went out of the room as quiet as possible... went over to your bike and pushed it together down the road once far enough away you started it, with Jo on the back holding on for dear life you guys sped off towards danger...

Jo: “how do you think this will go?”

Y/N: “I think we have a 50/50 chance of this going badly…”

Jo: “what's the plan?”

You felt the wind rush passed you as you sped up… feeling like something was already wrong…

Y/N: “we go in and shoot anything that tries to stop us but Azazal is my battle and Sam needs to come out of this alive…”

Jo: “I'm ready for this… you know if we pull this off perfectly no one else will question us for anything…”

You and jo see the graveyard and you guys pull in seeing immediately Azazel Sam and some other dude… you and Jo get off the bike and are immediately pulled in closer by a force…

Azazel: “ladies welcome to the greatest moment in history… I'm about to open the gate… but I want you both to see what I've done to these 2 men…”

You saw Sam and the other man turn towards you and Jo their eyes red…

Y/N: “you spelled them you bastard... what the hell is your big obsession with Sam and what's his face anyway… why do they fit into this…”

Azazel: “their blood is used to fuel the spell to open the gate… don't worry kiddo your boyfriend won't know what he's about to do yet…”

You and Jo took a few steps back as Sam approached you both, you took steps forward and made your final approach between the 2 of you… but Sam or at least spelled Sam was either very angry or forcibly angry… he lunged himself at you… his hands clasping around your neck…

Jo: “Y/N…”

Y/N: “toss me the pocket knife…”

Jo: “Y/N no…”

you look slightly at Jo to see her being held against her will by Azazel… Sam was still choking you but you wer3 able to reach up and pull his hair back, releasing his hold on your neck you leaned up and kissed him… instantly breaking Azazel’s spell Sam instantly breaking the kiss making you gasp…

Sam: “Y/N…”

You touch his cheek and feel his hands pull you off the ground pulling you close to him, he realizes that you have fear in your eyes… Sam turns around holding onto you as he spots Azazel holding Jo…

Azazel: “Its a shame to see that true love does exist… oh well if I can't have soldiers I'll just settle for one… kill him…”

that's when there was a gunshot in the air, your love bleeding as he falls holding you, Ellen Bobby and Dean had also just shown up at the time of the order given… they all witnessed the love of your life getting shot… Azazel gets the nerve to throw Jo into another tree knocking her unconscious ...

Azazel: “oh well time to open the door…”

You stand up with tears in your eyes you look at Sam’s body, then turning to Azazel as he opens the gate… gearing up your guns you start slowly walking to Azazel…

Y/N: "If you take one more step, I can promise you that you won't like what comes next."

Azazel turns to you upon hearing that…

Azazel: “I killed the love of your life I wonder how it would look right now to him you standing over his murderer but your the true one that killed him…”

You fell to your knees, no one could blame you but Dean was at your side in an instant you leaned into him…

Y/N: “Dean I'm sorry… I said I was gonna get him back but instead I made it worse... “

Dean: “hey hey hey it's ok… none of this is your fault never believe this piece of shit…”

Y/N: “but it is if Jo and I had just waited… we wouldn't be in this situation…”

Dean looked at you then at the gate which was just about to burst… Dean covered you with his own flesh as the gate burst open… you and Dean had a front row seat… you both witnessed several thousand clouds of black smoke flying around, you and Dean dared not look up… until a white light surrounded the both of you… it knocked back several of the clouds then it faced Azazel…

Azazel: “didnt i break you… John…”

The white light turned into the likeness of John Winchester… you were amazed when he didnt speak but instead he smiled lightly as he nodded at you, you knew right away what he was meaning… you pulled the colt out of the back of your jeans, handing it to Dean he looks at you…

Dean: “you took this, why…”

Y/N: “i wanted revenge, i was seeing revenge, i wanted to kill Azazel for what he was doing to Sam… i was gonna use it on him but Sam’s death has hit me really hard… i have to let someone else do this… Avenge Sam, Avenge everything and if this works correctly, we will have victory and mourning later…”

Dean took the Colt in his hand as John watched and stepped aside, Dean kneels and looks straight at Aazel…

Dean: “hey asswipe, this is for all the toruble and pain you have caused my family… go to hell…”

With that he pulled the trigger and shot Azazel point blank… Ellen, and Bobby worked to close the gate, and with it sealed you were immediately the center of all concern...

~thats all for now folks~

[thedivineelite]

hi! this is a weird question but you’re the only one i could think of with the gifts of editing that can help me? would you know how to make the background on an image transparent? i really love that picture that alexa posted with the harley quinn vibe but i have no idea on where to start for it to be transparent for the background.. ;_; i hope this makes sense!

i think i get what you're saying! normally, i would just use photoshopCC on my computer but i don't know if you have it or not so i'll follow through with something else that's relatively accessible!

first off, you're gonna wanna download photoshop mix that should be available to download on Apple and Android phones. You should be able to create a free account for Adobe to access the app and use its contents. Oh, and fair warning! im not the best with descriptions so, bear with me? :) When you've gotten past all the account stuff, it'll bring you to the main menu where you'll wanna look for the + sign which you want to tap on then it'll bring up an option tab that has image camera custom canvas, choose the image and allow photoshop to acesss your photos so you can upload it and start your project. When you're in the overview with your preferred image ready to edit, look for the "cut out" option at the bottom bar. When activated, it should begin a tutorial for you on how to use its features such as smart erase (detects most of things to cut out) or you can do it manually with your fingers (basic) if you're not satisfied with where it's erasing. make sure you're on the subtract button and not the add. adding is for when you mess up and want to touch up your image. OR you can select the auto where it detects what it thinks is the outline which in my opinion comes out kind of sloppy so you're better off using smart/basic. once you're happy with what you've canceled out/erased in the background, look at the bottom bar and near the end should be something called "refine." Tap that then press down on "feather" and keep your finger on the screen to slide up or down to determine how you want to blur out the edges of the cut photo so it's not so sharp on its edges and looks smooth. When you're satisfied with the entire outcome, press the check mark at the bottom right so it can take you out of the cut out process. You'll end up back at the overview where you desired cut off should be with a background that is white and Grey checkered which symbolizes that there's no background and is transparent. Now go to the top of the screen and tap the icon with the square that has an arrow pointing up. It'll open up a tab where you can save your image to whatever file you want to on your phone. It should save the image with a transparent background, at least it does with my iPhone! This was kind of a mess and i probably didn't need to explain it being that it will definitely take you on a tutorial process if you're new to the app. I hope what I've showed you does the trick and you can accomplish what you wanted to do! Good luck! 🥺💕 (I'll include a picture of the app below so you know you're downloading the right one)

[lifeofnejez]

DAIRY AND DREAM ENTRIES: Writings in August 2019

11th AUGUST 2019

Kept waking up in and out of consciousness.

Felt like multiple dreams in one dream, will describe the ones I remember.

Before it happens, i feel this force, start to hear my heart, really loud than that fades out whilst my whole sight goes vertigo. Whilst I try and focus on calming my mind (cause I know it’s about to happen cause I can feel it) I hear something in my right ear like a loud fuzzy beeping (but not really beeping) noise, whilst still feeling this force inside of me.

How I can describe the force is like, impact.

It feels like impact, the best way I can describe it; for me personally, it’s close to feeling like when I got hit by a car, but more intense and surreal.

I woke up see my mum come into my room to do the curtains, thinking I was asleep,

But I was asleep, but in that moment I thought I was awake seeing her,

Then I fall back to sleep again, still in my dream, than the same thing happens again as before, vision blurs, force of impact whilst buzzing noise in my ear,

Next dream, I’m dreaming feel the same thing, wake up look at my phone, phone ran out of battery, woke up to charge it, can’t charge it, look in the mirror and i looked bad, my neck looked broken I looked hella run down. I start then hurting myself more, cause I realised that I wasn’t really awake and the person in the mirror didn’t look like me, so I start hittin myself with a remote. (Which happened in real life in the past) calling out for my ma but my voice wasn’t working (as per usually) like I be saying stuff but can’t hear anything.

I then start watching hitting myself and being violent towards myself in the mirror. Then Im back in my body, than i go into my mums room, felt like I was walking, but I wasnt, i floated there, but in that moment I was thinking and saying in my head, “am I dying? Is that why my body looks so bad, is this what they are showing me? That my body is dying?” Than I saw my ma curled up asleep, when I knew before, she was awake in my reality, somehow I managed to float above her still calling her name, but nothing comes out of my voice, But cause I was floating above her, I knew I was dreaming. Than the thought of losing control panics me, Then it happens again, the feeling or force impact and noise in my ear, beeping and fuzziness.

I shake myself off and wake up again, thinking I woke out of the dream again.

Start chanting, protect my energy protect my light whilst doing a hand symbol on my root chakra.

When it feels like I’m awake, there’s a delay in my movement. Like I tell my body to move over and it will take 3secs before it moves.

Anyways I started to keep falling in and out of consciousness it felt like, feeling vertigo. Like everything is moving whilst I’m still but I can feel everything moving around me.

Everything starts to calm down, than I start feeling my aura around me and I felt my aura like, going inside of me. Like being self absorbed, like the feeling of attract.

The attached photo is the best way to describe which direction I kind of saw my aura flowing.

When I first saw the light around me, it was the ‘oral sucking / silent obvious brooding’ then I realised what was happening, managed to concentrate on my light and started to just calm the light down to ‘boundary containment than to power will display’ than I felt this force of light shine through my body like, this feeling or force of light just punched its way through my body, I scream, but can’t hear me, saw myself at s different angle with this light going through me.

Than I Wake up again, in a different dreAm,I do the hand symbol again on my root chakra. Not knowing where I am in that moment, was just calm space. Than vertigo and the impact starts happening again.

I start to imagine what makes me happy and that’s the sun, so I imagine the sun.... than I had this imagine of a bald guy who was sweating loadqs, looks like Egyptian. Than back in the body, look towards the sun, felt like I was worshiping the sun, like the love I have for it there was much more than the love I have for it now. It felt like I saw the sun as a protector. Anyways as I start worshiping the sun, it got hotter and brighter and brighter. Than it happens again, feeling of the force.

I think what I just wrote was inbetween the first one and the one with my mum from this reality. The order of it all might be wrong, as it was many dreams in one.

Anyway the last very dream I had before I wrote this, was the feeling of Impact again, as it always starts with that, Than I wake up to see, I’m not even kidding you, a cat lady walking down this wooden curve stairs. She sees me, it felt like she was confused to see me but happy to see me. She had some crazy weird clothes on but was fluffy herself. Literally looked like something from cats but with just some weird clothes on, which looks like clothes from Japan.

Anyways than I realised that wasn’t real and I woke up.

Looked at phone, saw danni’s face and I knew I was back 🤣

All these dreams happened within half hour to 40mins and that’s not all of the dreams I don’t think. As I can’t really detail the others.

————/——//////—————————————

Recently I’ve been seeing and hearing things which have lead me to do stuff, some childish stuff as well. But it was like I had to do it to really learn. Losing the one you love will always put you on a different path to self healing. A heartbreak can block the heart chakra but it can also open it. I ended up ending a circle with this beautiful women who is so in the 5D at the moment. Which I still regret now as there was a lot of love within our connection. Me doing this childishs act, being fearful of a third party situation has lead me down a karmic circle that I had to recognise and heal from. I’m having troubles understanding if it’s emotional attachment, past life or just my own addiction toxicity. To be honest, I’m just trying to heal it all. I have stopped smoking weed now for the last 4days. Which I believe has heightened my vision and has giving me mental clarity with the direction I want to go and how i feel towards everything in general.

After the dream above I keep seeing the Egyptian man now and again. I was letting go and crying my eyes out all morning on the 15th August 2019. Full moon in Aquarius. Whilst I was laying there letting go, being all mad at the universe, blaming myself and everything around me, sinking in this really low frequency level. I remember laying on my bed with my arms up and my visions started playing up. I kept imagining I was the Egyptian guy on some sandstone which was quite high up laying there, dust flying everywhere, desert feeling and he was basically doing the same thing. I kept seeing my face then his face.

What also happened was cause I was on such a low frequency I was able to see the murkiness of my thoughts. I had this gross sticky stuff coming out of my eyes like black. Still in imagination.

————————/-//————————————-

16th August 2019

I was meditating earlier and saw the Egyptian guy again, he keeps popping in and out of my visions, i keep seeing him when I’m driving, meditating etc etc, just a picture of him in my head. I can detail him a little bit more now, more than I could before. He’s some bald guy with blue eyes, smiley, wears rugs and sandals. Has a stick.

He took me to see where he sleeps, seems like a tent place with loads of staffs and rocks and weapons and crystals about. I asked if he was a blacksmith, he said sort off but with crystals and stones. He had this staff which was long and had a globe on top off it. The globe was moonstone as he told me. He had others just hanging up. Some with laborite, amethyst and loads more. Which is weird cause I’ve been thinking about creating a crystal jewellery company in my own reality, but before I wanted to make jewellery, I wanted to make crystal weapons. When I was in his tent looking around I go over towards a table and I saw a crystal knife. One I’ve always imagined making myself.

I asked him, “are you going to show and help me with my jewellery is this why?” He nodded, smiled and said yes in such a graceful way.

So unearthly, I asked him is he by himself?

He said they took his wife, or he doesn’t know where his wife has gone. He was by himself in a big sort of tent place in a desert. I felt as though no one was there for miles and I mean miles, felt like a whole continent.

Because he was alone I think I realised where one of my toxic behaviours where coming from. The fear of loneliness came from him I think, he loved him wife so much and just wanted her to be with him. But somethings happened which I don’t fully understand yet. I wonder why I kept feeling so sad in my own life, my mum cried to me the other day cause she thought I was lonely. I’m not lonely though cause I have a whole community behind me but I was sad cause I was lonely. But maybe this feeling wasn’t my feeling, maybe it was his. Maybe I hacked into his emotional state when I dreamt off him and not me not recognising it sooner, lead me to believe it was my own life. Maybe all this time my fear of being lonely had something to do with him. Anyways he’s happy cause he had company for a moment I can feel. He seems super intuitive and such a nice person, I don’t get any bad vibes, but I’m still trying to protect my energy from any other entities. He told me his name was Arkminist, like alchemist but I’m a bit unsure how to spell it. He told me to try and hunt for an amethyst crystal with three points. It wasn’t a cluster as such, but apart of a cluster. I imagined what the crystal looks like and i can still picture it now. This crystal is symbolic for something and I think there is some information that it holds that only I can unlock to see.

When I was working last night I was looking st my rose quartz and I saw waves coming from it. Crystals hold more than just intentions, maybe you can use them to send messages to and threw roams. As I wrote that I hear a buzzz in my ear... I hope I’m on the right direction / path. I miss my friend so much... I hope she’s okay.

—————————————————————

I’ve come to realisation that the 5th dimensional consciousness is already here. It’s happening now, I need to know that me and everyone else on this planet are unconditional bliss, full of love and we should work towards to expanding our consciousness. I think the 5th dimensional is just an awareness of everything and I mean everything. It’s about living in the moment, time exists now. Pain leads to another form of awakening and you should be grateful for it. Understand and be aware of patterns, always serve with love. Fear and hate are low vibration state which is made in the 3D form : the avatar form. For me personally, I feel like I’m travelling in different dimensions recently and I feel like it’s an awakening for myself. Specially now I’ve started to heal myself, I feel as through my sub consciousness has heightened.

You have to heal yourself and get out of low vibrational states. 5th dimensional consciousness is a choice. Remember to do everything you love and what your passion about. It becomes easier to love someone when you’re on the high vibration state.

Life is a lot easier when you think and feel with love.

Thoughts, beliefs, emotions are creating your reality.

As above so below...

I was fighting between the good and bad, but now I’ve realised that my everything in the outside in a reflection from the inside. All my thoughts are an extension of myself. I’ve been focusing a lot of my heart at the moment, been healing it. I’ve realised using it, is much more effective when it comes to healing.

Breathing as well and kundalini meditation is something I’ve been focusing on also. Every time I breath and hold my breathe, I can feel the air flow through my body and then I imagine that the air opening each chakra vortex. Something I’ve been learning to heal myself.

Accept the 3d reality, be patience with it. Never lower your frequency to fear, grief or shame. Stop apologising. Hold, listen and feel your heart and just appreciate and feel the best to feel that love within.

Complete the past, than you won’t longer have to repeat the cycle

—————////————————————————

[dearsadgoat]

recovery

recently, there was a major fire in my city. a little before the fire happened, i went through probably the lowest point in my life i’ve been in thus far. it culminated into one night of forcing myself to break down a number of walls and fake fronts i put up around me. these stood for about 5 years.

during that 5 year period i lied to myself and tried to trick myself into thinking i was something else so i could fit in with my rapidly changing friend groups, both online and in real life. i started distancing myself from a number of things, including shows, interests, and friends. i pushed away mlp for fear that my friends who were now falling out of it would ditch me if i were still into it. i pushed away my desire to learn music because the relationship between my brother and i only got worse as high school went on. i pushed away old friend groups for reasons so stupid i dont remember anymore.

instead of doing videos for fun and my own enjoyment, i started making them with the intention of becoming popular. i was never good at those and i wasn’t willing to learn to make myself better because i only wanted the success. the worst part about this was the fact that i did it for so long i managed to make myself believe that this was what i wanted, to be making low effort gaming videos on youtube well past its peak. because that’s what I thought I was going to “make it” doing. it should be noted i pushed away a group of youtuber friends before this, who may have been able to talk sense into me.

to this day i have only met one other person who makes videos.

fast forward to a few months ago. back in june, i started a new job, the one im currently working, doing lifeguarding at a pool. in july, my friends and i did our annual trip to anime expo, and aside from some incidents it was fun. i went on vacation with my family to arizona, and we saw a number of beautiful sights. i enjoyed it a lot.

however, this is the end of the fun.

anime expo, as always, brought me the panic of being around so many people. it isn’t the volume of people however, im relatively comfortable in a crowd. its the idea that i can look around in any direction and see people probably way happier and in better places in life than i am. look one way, i see a group of attractive people in cosplay that’s way better than mine. look the other way, i see a group of friends all laughing and clearly have shared interests, unlike my friends where we all have kinda splintered tastes so we don’t spend all the time together at conventions.

i spent a good amount of the convention wandering it with my friend mike. we went as Haru and Rin from Free, him being Haru, me being Rin.

around that time i was having major self image issues. i gained a good amount of weight the months prior, and i couldn’t lose it no matter what i tried, and consistently going to the gym, doing workouts given to me by professionals showing me no change killed my motivation. i couldn’t get myself to even go anymore come june.

so when mike was stopped by 10+ people (i stopped counting after a while) for pictures and to compliment him on his cosplay, meanwhile outright ignoring me, i started feeling like my image issues weren’t just “in my head” like i’d been told. despite this i tried my best to ignore it and move on. except i couldn’t.

the other cosplay i did was a crossplay of Mako Mankanshoku from Kill la Kill. I actually had the right length/hair color for Mako’s hair, so I saved money on a wig and got it cut like hers. the hair actually looked fine in context of the cosplay, however the cosplay in the context of anything was atrocious.

i couldn’t fit into the seifuku i bought, despite being sure to buy a size much larger than what you’d expect. trying to ignore my brain telling me im a fat fuck i improvised with a white shirt and a light blue neckerchief. with the wrong color shoes, basic shirt, neckerchief, basic skirt, and my hair cut instead of a wig, i was the definition of awful cosplay.

i hyped up finally being able to crossdress in public to myself for months. i’ve wanted to crossdress publicly since i was 15. at no other convention in the past did i have the courage. i got rid of pretty much all body hair, and upon finally being able to do so, i thought it was everything i wanted.

looking in the mirror showed me i was nothing more than an ugly fatass trying to look cute. i was the fucking person people at conventions take candid photos of and post on tumblr to make fun of. im sure im gonna one day come across a picture of me in that “cosplay” accompanied with some text about how embarrassing i was.

so with now both my cosplays fun sucked out of them by myself, the rest of the convention went on, but i couldn’t fully suppress the idea that i was unhappy.

the arizona trip i’ll save for another post, it’s a complete offshoot with it’s own backstory.

these are nowhere near all of the events i feel caused enough problems for what happens later, just the major ones. also there’s no way i can write every single thing that’s happened to me and contributed to my sad demeanor over the last 21 years.

after that though, the rest of the summer is a blur, i dont remember anything i did, and i don’t remember starting school again. i just know i’ve been going for almost 16 weeks now.

for some reason, a lot of things that didn’t use to bug me have been bugging me. stuff that I thought i’d grown accustomed to seeing, like the ever poisonous anti-male rhetoric that this site likes to parade. i’ve been on tumblr since i was like 13, i’ve seen it, i should be used to it and know to ignore it, right?

i guess not. every post i see related to something meant to make me feel shitty for being a guy takes another chip at me throughout the day. despite my best efforts i can’t forget them.

i just don’t have the energy to put up with stuff anymore, and it really feels like im out of energy to put into caring about things. i’ve been feeling like this since the beginning of the above five year period of not knowing why i wasn’t happy with what i was supposed to be happy with.

eventually we get to one saturday at work. two pools are being used for an event, the third is being rented out for a kids birthday party. im on the tower supervising the party when my best friend kaylie comes to rotate me. we chat for a sec, and as i start to walk off, she says my name. i turn around and she points at the water. no more than 3 feet from where im standing, two kids are wrestling in the water. except they weren’t wrestling for fun, they were wrestling to get on top of one another and drowning each other in the process. mind you, this is the deepest part of the pool and it’s only like 4 1/2 feet deep. I slide in, hoist up both of them, and launch into the caring procedure bullshit.

i get them out, tell kaylie im going to get a towel, and eventually other guards start asking me what happened. all of the sudden people are toting me as being a hero for making my first rescue withing my first year. you’d think that’s something to be proud of, right?

yeah you’d think that.

i felt nothing. all i had was that i was doing my job, and if it were like ten seconds earlier kaylie would’ve got them. i didn’t do anything special.

of course that ended up as a conflict in my mind, and on the way home i bought alcohol and spent the night drinking alone.

fast forward a few more days, and i get home from work. it wasn’t a particularly hard day, or any major thing happened, just a lot of small little things that chipped away at my patience, a few comments made by coworkers that really weren’t asked for, and this and that ultimately led to me driving home at the end of the night upset.

i get home, and think to myself im going to unwind with some video games. i dont remember what happened or what i was playing, but some major thing happened that led to me calmly turning off the game and turning to my computer to stare at it for the next two hours, only occasionally clicking to something new.

nobody tells you what it’s like to break. partly because, they cant. the way i see it everyone breaks differently. every breakdown i’d had up until that point had been loud, angry, and full of jerky motions through teary, blurred eyes. they were like someone kicking over something i was making in one fell swoop.

this time it felt like i watched someone pick away at the foundation until it all started to slide down like sand.

i broke, at first without tears, questioning what i was doing at that moment, and what i was doing in general. nothing made sense. my head couldn’t keep a thought for a moment. i felt like my chest was caving in. i didnt end up eating anything that night. i honestly can’t describe how i felt and what i did, it was such a blur.

i started going on a nostalgia scavenger hunt. something i had seen recently drove me to want to search out the mlp meetup group i used to be a part of. i found pictures of me and my friends at different events back in 2011, 2012, and i started doing what i can only describe as motioning a whimper. as in, whatever you picture when you think of whimpering, only without sound.

I saw pictures of me being happy, truly happy. i hadn’t been truly happy in the last 5-6 years since these pictures were taken. at least not for more than the occasional time.

as if on queue, a friend from one group of friends i changed myself to fit in with messaged me. i asked him if he wanted to take a trip with me, and i spilled everything.

i confessed to being a liar, a poser, a shitty person who couldn’t even tell his friends that he wasn’t everything he said he was. i told him at one point in my life i had actual ambition and ways to achieve success outside of being the scummy piece of shit i’d become when i became friends with them. (please dont misunderstand, they’re good people, i just had a warped sense of what i needed to do to be their friend back then)

he let me angrily type and rant and have a major breakdown to him without interruption for almost an hour, and finally he paused me and started trying to talk me through this.

after he gave me his piece on the matter, i turned to another one of my best friends, jacob. jacob was one of the irl friends i went to meetups with, and we’ve been friends since middle school. we’re closer than anyone else i know i’d bet, even closer than kaylie and i.

because of time differences, our conversation lasted the next two days, basically telling him everything, that i wasn’t happy with myself, that i haven’t been happy with anything for a long time. the only thing that mattered to me in his response was that nothing was different between us. he said he was going to a therapist soon, and said that i should try it. i have not, and i dont plan to for fear of what i might find out. still, everything he said i took to heart and i thank him for it.

at this point, i decided that i could fix all of this, that i could make myself someone i’d like to be. i was going to work hard and no matter what i wasn’t going to break like that ever again. nothing was going to stop me, no matter the odds.

someone up there must love testing my patience.

a week later, the fire happened. within the span of an hour i had gone from coming home from a test, to helping my mom with the recycling, to rushing home because the sky over our house was brown. the next few hours was me running on no food, a sweaty, ash-covered mess, to get everything of importance out of the house. everything that was too hard to replace was taken. as painful as it was it meant leaving behind just about everything that had value to me, as i took only the things that mattered in a worldly view, not a personal view.

God listened to my prayers that day, and the fires burned half a mile from my house, but no closer. The trail i walked a thousand times growing up was no more. it’s about 4 houses down from mine, to give perspective. everything was black and soot, trees stood with burn marks and missing leaves. The creek was dried up. everything is a mess. i walked out and took pictures of it a few days after, just for memory sake.

that day was a test to see whether or not I was actually going to keep my word. i didn’t break that day, despite wanting to often, and i did what was most important for my family.

since then, i’ve shuffled around a lot of different aspects of my life. a lot of things are changing, and im not comfortable with a lot of them. however, these are good changes. i have to make myself uncomfortable to be able to find what i belong to once again.

and i hope and i pray that this is going to be the time i prove to myself i can break out of this

[theloveablesociopath]

Pinwheels and Parachutes: Part 1

Drabble series sorta

Part one: Park Bench

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Bucky’s POV)

Notes: I really wanted to write something different, something that presented itself like an actual novel. I wanted a lot of description and poetic feel, basically as if Bucky where to write a book and pour his heart and soul into describing every detail to the finest thread. (Feed back is extremely appreciated and makes me beyond happy, as I am very proud of this but not sure how well it will be accepted.)

Summary: The rest of the team couldn’t quite understand who (y/n) is. She’s a silent, childlike woman. A strange person, who said nothing to no one, yet told them every story they wanted to hear. But there’s one thing they did know, she’s Bucky’s parachute.

Word count: 860

Warnings: none (slow burn but eventually its romantic)

(if anyone wants to make me a cover photo feel free)

 As our lives progress, a rapidly growing feeling of obligation weighs upon our shoulders.

Stand tall, act normal, be polite.

Make sure your clothing stays subtle, don’t speak before you think.

Don’t be too loud, don’t look too excited, don’t feel too much.

And we weave them into our daily life like threads in blankets.

We are poised, we are normal, we are plain.

I knew I was a bit on the other side of this spectrum. A little too much gunpowder and way too much scruff. I’m the look that turns too sour, and the past that’s just too rough.

But I see the city dwellers. The walkers. The talkers. The people.

And they move like one large collective wave. They blend into one big blur. They talk like a single voice. They feel like no feeling at all.

And I don’t like it.

I want too, after the life I have lived, normal should be a yearning, a calling, a need. But its not, it brings no appeal, no push or pull of gravity. I do not orbit around it, and it does not orbit around me.

More than anything I try my best to drift away. I’m done with death, with murder with evil, but I still find no appeal in being like everyone else.

I thought that maybe I was the only one, sure people had their differences, people where interesting, and daring and fun. But from the naked eye they were all gray. I didn’t know them. I didn’t have to.

Then, there was a pinwheel.

She was a child, a women, an adult, but a child. She let her body guide her with all the carelessness and confidence as the wind. She was daring, but not dangerous, the kind of daring you imagined a drag queen would be.

A vibrancy that disrupted the color scheme of society.

She walked with a skip to her step, but one so imperfect it was like a stumble. She sat like a bean bag chair, and that sounds strange, but it was true. She plopped herself down where ever she deemed fit, and let her body relax and mold into whatever shape it wanted.

And that day she sat on a bench.

She wore clothes that where authentic to her. Things that screamed her personality without even stuttering. Ripped, cuffed blue jeans, and the strangest orange and white stripped shirt I had seen, one that had openings in the shoulders.

Her scuffed and worn black sneakers left untied and dangled from her folded feet on the bench. And on her right wrist, she wore three watches, all different colors.

And in her hands, sat a pinwheel. A multitude of spinning colors in nimble fingers. Catching the wind with a silent ‘whoosh’ and then slowing as it settled.

She was violently, radioactively, beautiful. But she wasn’t the kind from runway shows or magazines.

She was the kind of beautiful you could stare at all day and still not be able to draw perfectly. Her skin was not baby smooth or airbrushed, it held a certain blemished beauty to it. Her hair sat on her head like a natural flowing waterfall, and when it stopped, it stopped then scattered in twists and turns, and in no way formed a single straight line.

She would blow on the colorful plastic when the wind decided to stop giving, and it would spin again. It would spin and capture her pigment stained eyes and hold them there.

Then she would smile, and its as if she only knew of that one item. As if the dog that ran past her was a subject of wind, and the elderly man that sat beside her was a product of fallen leaves. For she did not see them, she saw no one, no thing, but that pinwheel. But I suppose it was the same for me, I saw no one else but her, and while she stared at her pinwheel I stared at someone just as mesmerizing as it.

Eventually it stopped spinning, it stilled but she didn’t blow gently on it. She lowered it from her face, sat up straighter, as she let one leg dangle off the bench, and locked eyes with me.

For a second I wanted to run. Because I had been staring so long im sure she felt it. I wanted to run, but mostly because she was now staring at me.

There was no smile, no nod, nor turn, nor frown. She merely stared, straightened her posture, fixed her legs, sat the pinwheel down, and got up.

And she left.

She walked away and didn’t look back.

That day I waited for her for two hours. It sounds extensive, and crazy, but I waited and watched the bench where the pinwheel sat. But she never returned.

It was odd. The way she once looked at that simple little object as if it held her soul, than left it on a lone park bench and never came back for it.

So when the evening came to a close, I walked over, picked up the colorful plastic toy, and went home.

Permanent tags:

@soldierplum @barricadechap @barnesandnoble13

 (please send me an ask if you wish to be tagged.)

[thecreativecoalition]

D&D Homebrew Poisons

So, im working on a mini series for badassdanddpics and was wondering if you guys had any ideas. im calling the mini series “Bewildering Botany and Perilous Poisons” that will basically showcase magical plant homebrew that will aid adventures and villains alike. for the poison section of it, i put together some basic information from D&D about the rules as well as how they are applied and used against others as well as common symptoms from plants in the real world.

different poisons are applied to victims by

contact

ingested

inhaled

injury

smoke from being burned

common rules (for 5th edition D&D regarding poison)

A weapon coated with poison will dry out in one minute.

When you are poisoned, you will usually suffer from the poisoned condition.

Poison can be bought or crafted using the downtime rules and a poisoner’s kit.

Cures for poison include low level spells or anti-toxin.

Truth Serum is listed under poisons, and is something I think could be useful in your campaign in many different ways.

Poisoned: A poisoned creature has disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks.

each round until you make a saving throw.

Common symptoms of poisoning include nausea, vomiting, convulsions, liver failure, disables nerves, lowers blood pressure, and can stop the heart, muscle twitches, and sometimes paralysis, irritation of skin throat and mouth, swelling, burning pain, breathing difficulties and stomach upset. dilated pupils, sensitivity to light, blurred vision, tachycardia, loss of balance, staggering, headache, rash, flushing, dry mouth and throat, slurred speech, urinary retention, constipation, confusion, hallucinations, delirium, convulsions and photo-toxicity

underneath the “keep reading” i have included some actual plants that could help with creating realistic homebrew.

Dieffenbachia (also called dumb cane) If a leaf is chewed, these crystals cause an extreme burning sensation in the mouth, throat and tongue. It is also known to cause temporary vocal cord paralysis. While ingestion is not always fatal, victims describe it as excruciatingly painful and debilitating.

Aconitum genus (several species, commonly called aconite, wolfsbane and monkshood). All parts are poisonous. The poison is an alkaloid called aconitine, which disables nerves, lowers blood pressure, and can stop the heart. Even casual skin contact should be avoided; symptoms include numbness, tingling, and cardiac irregularity. It has been used as poison for bullets (by German forces during World War II), as a bait and arrow poison (ancient Greece), and to poison water supplies (reports from ancient Asia).[citation needed] If ingested, it usually causes burning, tingling, and numbness in the mouth, followed by vomiting and nervous excitement. It is usually a quick-acting poison, and has been used in the past for killing wolves (hence one of the common names).

Actaea pachypoda (also known as doll’s eyes or white baneberry). All parts are poisonous, especially the berries, the consumption of which has a sedative effect on cardiac muscle tissue and can cause cardiac arrest.

Agave genus. The juice of a number of species causes acute contact dermatitis, with blistering lasting several weeks and recurring itching for several years thereafter.

Atropa belladonna (commonly known as deadly nightshade, belladonna, devil’s cherry and dwale, an Anglo-Saxon term meaning “stupifying drink”). One of the most toxic plants found in the Western hemisphere, all parts of the plant contain tropane alkaloids[33] - as do those of its equally deadly sister species A.baetica, A.pallidiflora and A.acuminata. The active agents are atropine, hyoscine (scopolamine), and hyoscyamine, which have anticholinergic properties.[34][35] The symptoms of poisoning include dilated pupils, sensitivity to light, blurred vision, tachycardia, loss of balance, staggering, headache, rash, flushing, dry mouth and throat, slurred speech, urinary retention, constipation, confusion, hallucinations, delirium, and convulsions.[34][36][37] The root of the plant is generally the most toxic part, though this can vary from one specimen to another. Ingestion of a single leaf of the plant can be fatal to an adult.[33] Casual contact with the leaves can cause skin pustules. The berries pose the greatest danger to children because they look attractive and have a somewhat sweet taste.[38] The consumption of two to five berries by children and ten to twenty berries by adults can be lethal. In 2009, a case of A. belladonna being mistaken for blueberries, with six berries ingested by an adult woman, was documented to result in severe anticholinergic syndrome.[39] The plant’s deadly symptoms are caused by atropine’s disruption of the parasympathetic nervous system’s ability to regulate involuntary activities such as sweating, breathing, and heart rate. The antidote for atropine poisoning is physostigmine or pilocarpine.[40] A. belladonna is also toxic to many domestic animals, causing narcosis and paralysis.[41] However, cattle and rabbits eat the plant seemingly without any harmful effects.[37] In humans its anticholinergic properties will cause the disruption of cognitive capacities like memory and learning.[35]

Cerbera odollam (commonly known as the suicide tree). The seeds contain cerberin, a potent toxin related to digoxin. The poison blocks the calcium ion channels in heart muscle, causing disruption of the heart beat. This is typically fatal and can result from ingesting a single seed. Cerberin is difficult to detect in autopsies and its taste can be masked with strong spices, such as a curry. It is often used in homicide and suicide in India; Kerala’s suicide rate is about three times the Indian average. In 2004, a team led by Yvan Gaillard of the Laboratory of Analytical Toxicology in La Voulte-sur-Rhône, France, documented more than 500 cases of fatal Cerbera poisoning between 1989 and 1999 in Kerala. They said “To the best of our knowledge, no plant in the world is responsible for as many deaths by suicide as the odollam tree.’[42] A related species is Cerbera tanghin the seeds of which are known as tanghin poison nut and have been used as an ‘ordeal poison’.

Colchicum autumnale (commonly known as autumn crocus and meadow saffron). The bulbs contain colchicine. Colchicine poisoning has been compared to arsenic poisoning; symptoms typically start 2 to 5 hours after a toxic dose has been ingested but may take up to 24 hours to appear, and include burning in the mouth and throat, fever, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain and kidney failure. Onset of multiple-system organ failure may occur within 24 to 72 hours. This includes hypovolemic shock due to extreme vascular damage and fluid loss through the GI tract, which may result in death. Additionally, sufferers may experience kidney damage resulting in low urine output and bloody urine, low white blood cell counts (persisting for several days), anemia, muscular weakness, and respiratory failure. Recovery may begin within 6 to 8 days. There is no specific antidote for colchicine, although various treatments do exist.[47] Despite dosing issues concerning its toxicity, colchicine is prescribed in the treatment of gout,[48] familial Mediterranean fever, pericarditis and Behçet’s disease. It is also being investigated for its use as an anti-cancer drug.

Datura genus (several species commonly known as jimson weed, thorn apple, stinkweed, Jamestown weed, angel’s trumpets, moonflower, and sacred datura). Containing the tropane alkaloids scopolamine, hyoscyamine, and atropine, all parts of these plants are poisonous, especially the seeds and flowers. Ingestion causes abnormal thirst, hyperthermia, severe delirium and incoherence, visual distortions, bizarre and possibly violent behavior, memory loss, coma, and often death; it is a significant poison to grazing livestock in North America. Datura has been used as an entheogenic drug by the indigenous peoples of the Americas and others for centuries, though the extreme variability in a given plant’s toxicity depending on its age and growing environment make such usage an exceptionally hazardous practice; the difference between a recreational dose and a lethal dose is minuscule,[51] and incorrect dosage often results in death. For this same reason, Datura has also been a popular poison for suicide and murder, particularly in parts of Europe and India. Reports of recreational usage are overwhelmingly negative; the majority of those who describe their use of Datura find their experiences extremely unpleasant and often physically dangerous.

Heracleum mantegazzianum (also known as giant hogweed). The sap is phototoxic, causing phytophotodermatitis (severe skin inflammations) when affected skin is exposed to sunlight or to UV rays. Initially the skin becomes red and starts itching. Then blisters form as the reaction continues over 48 hours. They form black or purplish scars, which can last several years. Hospitalization may become necessary. Presence of minute amounts of sap in the eyes can lead to temporary or even permanent blindness.

Nerium oleander (commonly known as oleander). All parts are toxic, the leaves and woody stems in particular. Contains nerioside, oleandroside, saponins and cardiac glycosides. Causes severe digestive upset, heart trouble and contact dermatitis. The smoke of burning oleander can cause reactions in the lungs, and can be fatal.

Peucedanum galbanum (commonly known as blister bush). All parts are poisonous, and contact causes painful blistering that is intensified with exposure to sunlight.

Hemlock is a very poisonous plant. In fact, all parts of the plant are toxic. Hemlock is most poisonous during the early stages of growth in the spring, but it is dangerous at all stages of growth. The poisons in hemlock are so deadly that people have died after eating game birds that had eaten hemlock seeds. Hemlock has also been used to reverse strychnine poisoning. Hemlock contains poisons that affect the transmission of nerve impulses to muscle. Death occurs by respiratory failure.

[topfied]

hi!! do you mind making a tutorial for how you made that lucky one comic book gifset??

hello!! sorry for making you wait for so long. a clumsy and amateur tutorial for this edit (and its other examples too, kinda’ x, x and x) is under the cut ✨

What you’d be needing:

Slightly advanced giffing knowledge…I think

The basic knowledge on making actions!!

These scripts I made (x, x) just put them in your scripts folder under presets!

comicbookfx.com (for insp)

Topaz Clean (any version you can get off the internet)

Patience, time and lots of both!!! + good bg music u can work with

For this tutorial, we’re going to be working with the first gif of jongdae from the lucky one gifset. This is what we’re going for:

Anyway, let’s do the prep work first!! After you’ve installed your scripts, let’s make some actions that’s going to make the script work. Also! I’m not going to discuss making actions I’m just gonna give you my settings :)

-

!! VERY IMPORTANT !! pls pls pls make sure the names are the same and put them in a folder of the same name, if you wanna change them then message me so I can help you out~FOLDER NAME: gifs1 Action 1: topazcomic

Action 2: topazcomic2*The same settings but the difference in this one is you gotta hit Edit > Fade Topaz Clean at 70% before finishing your recording

If you think, you can benefit from my sharpening settings then here they are! But honestly, I don’t think they matter much???

• Add NoiseGaussian, 0.1%without monochrome

• Gaussian Blur0.1 px

• Smart Sharpen 100%, 0.3 pxw/ more accurateRemove gaussian blur

-

STEP 1: Make your gif, slap on a vibrant, colorful and relatively comic-y (idk how to describe it lmao) coloring, change the pacing to 0.05s for each frame and save your gif!! Make sure it’s colorful ok!! Next step dulls colors by a lot.

STEP 2: Open up your gif, go to the very last frame, select it and do the same for its corresponding layer. So if you have, Frame 40 selected, Layer 40 should be selected too :P Anyway, now comes the fun part!! File > Scripts > topaz gifs comic. That’s it for this step! Just wait for everything to finish and you’ll have thissssss

wow!! amazing!! bravo we’re already halfway there–just kidding :P. If you prefer, you can actually stop here and skip to Step 7 for your own modern comic book look. If you’re wondering why we can’t simply go straight into step 2 after doing step 1 without saving the gif and all, I find that doing it this way really helps the colors blend better :D

Below is the version using File > Scripts > topaz gifs comic 2. It’s really up to you what looks too strong or not! That’s the purpose of this second script

STEP 3: Take a minute to admire your work (lmao) Hit Convert to timeline mode, select all your layers by pressing CTRL + SHIFT + A, right click and Convert to a smart object!

you should have this. Time to layer some halftone textures on this baby, lol.

STEP 4: With your smart object selected, duplicate it with CTRL + J. Then with the duplicated (topmost) layer selected, choose Filter > Pixelate > Color Halftone and change the radius to 4 (the smallest in can go). I usually mess with the other settings if I’m feeling really up to it, but for the purposes of this tutorial we’ll keep it simple.

This is what things should look like right now!

STEP 5: Change the topmost layer’s (the one you just halftoned) blending mode to Hard Light or Overlay, depending on what suits your style the most. You can even choose Soft Light! Just remember to change Fill Opacity to 15-18%

STEP 6: Woop! We’re almost there. Now create a new layer, hit CTRL + A and go to Edit > Stroke

tada~ now all we’re gonna need are the text effects! in this chen gif, I chose to do the “glance” thing (since I couldn’t find another word for what he was doing lmao, seemed like a good idea at the time) so let’s do that! This is where things get a little more complex.

-

STEP 7a: Type out the word “Glance” as you normally would, anywhere on the gif. The font I used is called battle breath! I’m pretty sure it’s easy to find on google! Since I actually started this gif from scratch again (I recycle binned the base psd lmao), end product won’t look exactly the same, just a warning, lol. So if you’ve got the font downloaded, set it to size 36, choose Bold Italic and apply a stroke set to color white!

STEP 7b: Rasterize that text layer’s style and add another stroke! This time in black at 2px! The rest is the same. Rasterize that text layer’s style again.

so this is what we should have so far!

STEP 7c: With your text layer selected, hit CTRL + T on your keyboard and let’s warp this text into something with a hand-drawn feel. Select “Fish” from the drop-down list then adjust the bend of the thing by nudging the little square circled in the second photo below.

STEP 7d: At this point, since I rasterized it in order to add the two strokes, it’s inevitable that the text layer will get a bit blurry so it would need a bit of a resizing so we can get back a bit of the quality. When resizing, always remember to keep your SHIFT key pressed to maintain its proportions! Afterwards, apply Filter > Sharpen > Sharpen to the text layer.

-

STEP 8a: Aside from applying the filter, one of the main reasons why we’re in timeline mode is the fact that it makes the next process so much easier. It’s time to do special sound/action fx!! Since we’re done with the text all we need to do is to time it.

I went on ahead and chose the exact moment I wanted the word “Glance” to appear. To do so, drag the edges (circled blue) of the text layer onto the frames you want it to be in. Always remember to adjust the length of the resulting gif to the frames of your gif by matching the…things marked with red with each other. At this point, if you play the gif you’re going to feel the urge to clap yourself on the back lmao. I always do, try it out!!

TA DA we’re almost done!!!! awww yeah~

STEP 8b: since the aim is to copy the outcome in the lucky one gifset, we’re going to duplicate that “glance” layer by hitting CTRL + J and doing the exact same thing in STEP 8a.

-

STEP 9: At this point, all we need is something to bring the work together and I always do this by either abusing color balance or photo filters with a grainy/papery texture!! You can find lots of these on tumblr, that’s where I got mine from :P So go ahead and do that according to your preference. Trust me, it’s gonna make a world of difference. I can’t point you to where I got mine because I actually forgot where it was from.

STEP 10: save your gif and open it up again to adjust the time! Timeline mode tends to make anything 0.04 and below faster and 0.05 and above slower. Make sure you’re in frame animation mode this time!! ANDDDD you’re done omfg!! amazing TT_TT im so glad you’re done too

-

/ end notes+  in the lucky one gifset I made my own speech bubbles! Just grab the pen tool and ellipse tool and you’re all set+  I can’t teach you how to work with keyframes because I honestly don’t know how to explain :+  If you think I missed anything regarding the tutorial please let me know!!+  If you have any questions about the resources I used / q’s in general / have something you need to be explained in further detail, hmu!!+  thank you for your patience with my tutorial writing (i’ve only ever did 1 tutorial before) because I know I’m not the best!!+  u r gr8

[zeblogueurombre]

Bonjour, its the end of April. Cheers to all the debit and credit alerts going in and out right now :)

Finally this is up, talking all things Location. Best spots to take the nicest blog pictures. Decided to share a few of the spots I know. Gave a general perspective but examples specific to Lagos, Nigeria.

First thing you have to know “Your location is dependent on your theme” I love to believe that every blogger has her own niche and a theme to go with this i.e how you want people to recognize you on social media, your theme could be colorful, black&white, crisp white cuts, minimalistic, whichever it is there’s a location for you.

I’m just rounding up a few places I know and come across physically, via other bloggers or I’ve been inspired by daily finds.

Colored walls

Here’s to all my color scheming sisters or you feel like adding a pop of color to your blog every once in a while. Take a tour around your area and find some color blocking walls or one color wall, but here are a few I’ve found myself.

The Blowfish Hotel: Known for its alluring pink outdoor vibes, im totally in love and i’d be heading there soon with a photographer.

Photo credit: http://www.mimalee.me

 Nok by Alara: It is quiet popular right now in Lagos. All forms of class y’know. It serves as a perfect sit out and the interiors are lit as well (better for bloggers going for a darker theme tho). But they have this wall outside, it pops red not bright red tho okay I’ll just shut it now and put a picture below.

Ps: If you plan on eating here, it’s quite pricey so do come prepared.

Photo: @Ladiolasewere

Lekki Leisure Lake: This is actually new new, I went there recently and viola! Toilets and stands of popping color, I must confess I love it

Sit outs

There are actually lots of examples on the island but I’ll just give two I recently came across and one I really love.

Hard rock café: The new cabana area is soooo pretty and romantic, depending on what post you are trying to create this might work for you.

Photo: Tripadvisor

Ps: You should probably go during the day when no reservations are made, ask for permission or maybe not, take a few shots and head out.

Meat Up: I’m yet to truly uncover this place but I’ve come across it a couple of times. Guess I fell in love with the crisp white sit outs. Hopefully I’d take a few shots and share on here of course. It’s in Lekki phase 1. Sadly have no pictures now but i’d definitely update this.

BLD by Play: For some reason every part of this building is a hit back to  back, whenever I take or see pictures people take here it never feels like Nigeria, it has a really lovely vibe to it. Great for indoors and outside works well.  I’m sure most people know this location now but still I love it.

Photo: Angel Obasi @Styleconnaisseur

Photo: By me

Café

HSE Gourmet Cafe: Beautiful both inside and out. For lovers of white background (like me), inside works perfectly for you. For a more ‘OOTD’ kinda posts, outside works.

Phot credit: Bellanaija

Ps: I loved my sandwich, you should something out if you decide to stop by. Price is moderate

Café Neo: There’s something about Neo I love so much, I’m low key one of their number one fans so imagine my excitement when I saw them on African voices ( I think, can’t really remember what particular show) on CNN. Their sit ins are usually warm, relaxing and refreshing and a good spot for pictures. They have various locations in Lagos so you could discover the one closest to you

  Ps: Their Frappacino is the way to my heart + I lovee their chicken sandwich.

Cafe Neo at Paloos, 19b Adeyemi Lawson Street, Ikoyi, Lagos.

Cafe Neo at Yaba, E-centre

On the move:

Most people love these kinda shots; they flatter the look more especially when the wind blows in the right direction. It just gives this bad ass shots I’m sure we all want to have. I believe these kinda shots are called street style? Places to use? Basic streets with a nice background, be sure to blur the background gives the outfit more focus.

Photo credit: @thefashionengineer

Landmarks:

Every city has its landmark, so find it, uncover and start shooting. On the island you have the Ikoyi link bridge, Marina clock tower in Lagos Island etc.

Ps: You should try an angle from down, adds more spotlight.

Photo credit: @thefashionengineer

Traffic light: This was one of the inspirations from my daily finds. I think traffic lights would make a good back drop. I’d love to try this out. So much cooler if I’m shooting and the light changes and I’m running off the road before the ever angry Lagos drivers hit me LOL (oh well, my thoughts!). Picture below isn’t Nigeria but its the closest i got to what I have in my head.

Photo: Pinterest

One more thing you might not necessarily have to go far to take stunning pictures, your house might be a perfet fit, more specific the door might be lit for pictures. I’d leave a few shots below

Photo: @miss_vimbai

Photo: @cecenetwork

PS: Take a walk or drive around your area/work place, you might just find the perfect spot ;)

I love this shot of Tkay Maidiza from asos

Note: This post might be a little bit biased, The examples focus mainly on the Island, which is where I stay and I am still uncovering. If you know spots on the mainland please share in the comment section below.

  |Thnaks for reading|

Till next time

xx

Nayonde

  Did you enjoy this post? would you love me to uncover more spots in Lagos, Nigeria? Please do let me know by leaving a comment below :)

TIPS| Perfect Spots for Blog Pictures Bonjour, its the end of April. Cheers to all the debit and credit alerts going in and out right now :)