#i think i have a hard time understanding what being trans means because i might be closer to agender

[maxisodenoth]

Oops, forgot to block.

But anyways, it seems like you don't understand.

Let me put it like this for you.

You have been provided links with proof [that I'm sure you didn't even touch.] And instead of bringing up any point related to them you stick to your same arguments.

I asked you a simple yes or no question, and you seem to have taken it personally. It doesn't matter to me what you think the answer is, because the answer is always no. An infertile woman is just as much of a woman as any other. We are what we want to be. Your words mean nothing to me, and other peoples identity. [which let me remind you *again* that you've been provided links in the comments which explain this stuff better than I ever could]

[And let me tell you something. Just because we can't have kids right now doesn't mean it'll remain that way in the future. I believe that something will be figured out later in the future that will allow trans-people to be able to reproduce with their new reproductive apparatuses. Whether that takes years or decades doesn't matter. It'll happen.]

You used word meanings as "arguments". May I remind you that, words were created far before any research was done on this matter? [Not exaclty sure when or how much words change but I'm almost sure it's a pretty slow process, so they might be a bit or alot outdated. Not sure though.] And that maybe instead of etymology, you should be looking at psychology, and biology? [Links in the comments~] Trying to use words meanings as arguments doesn't really work out that well when we're not talking about words but people.

[And by the way. Where is your evidence? You've been provided links explaining this stuff, yet when pressed, you only choose to go to ... a dictionary? Really?]

[Also, since you've stooped into insults let me get in on that action.]

Why do you care so much? Like really. Why does this matter that much to you? Are you that miserable that the only joy you get is by hating on other people being themselves and happy?

Look, I know it's hard to find a purpose in life, or a job, but it'd be alot easier if you stopped being a prick and just let people be themselves. There's no reason to hate people who literally don't affect you in any shape or form. They're just being themselves. Cope. [Your final reminder that there are links in the comments!~]

Or do you just refuse to grow up and understand that it doesn't matter what you say. People will be themselves and happier than you will ever be?

I am not a debator. I'm just some angry penguin on the internet. I have left my piece here. And I won't forget to block this time. May this be the last time I see your miserable blog on my feed.

And for everyone else who comes across this post, trans or otherwise. Your identity is Valid. You know yourselves better than some stranger on the internet. Or anyone who's not you. Because it's Your Identity. Not these peoples.

Do not let the hateful words of bigots make you feel bad about youself. You are the only one who can choose your identity. Not some idiots on the internet. You. And let me say this again Your identity is always valid. No matter what others say. ❤️

Goodbye. 👋

[Even if you reply to this, I'm not wasting anymore of my time on you John. You've been given links, read them. The same goes for any asshole who wants to start another argument. I do not care for you. Find someone else to deal with your bullshit.]

Facts matter. #VoteBlue

[clockworkprism]

Was just catching up on Misfile/Hell High and the author has just come out as trans. Probably not the biggest shock to anyone, except the author themselves who said they had been in denial their whole life (they haven't announced a new name or pronouns yet and said they will keep their name for now)

I'm not trans but that comic was my first experience getting some understanding of the experience of gender dysphoria. Then I started going out of my way to follow artists or programmers who are trans to try and understand the community better, and I was surprised to see misfile actually has mixed reviews among trans people themselves. Very curious to see someone reanalyze the comic with this new information in mind.

[molsno]

I'm thinking more about how trans women are categorically excluded from spending time with kids because tme people think we want to groom their kids into being trans. their fears are rooted in the understanding that we speak about and advocate for bodily autonomy, and the last thing they want is for their children to do things they don't approve of, but because they believe in social contagion "theory," they think that means we're going to turn their totally cis kids into trannies.

now like, I have no idea if any of the children in my family will one day come out as trans (mostly because I don't see my family often enough to even interact with the kids regularly). but just recently, I stayed at my sister's house for a night, and my niece, who I haven't seen in years and who is young enough that, for all intents and purposes, she was essentially meeting me for the first time, wanted to play with me. I humored her for a little while (I was a little busy with other things), and while we were together, she said that my long hair was pretty. I asked her if she liked having long hair, and to my surprise, she said no! but then I asked if she wanted to get her hair cut shorter, and she said no to that, too. so I left it at that!

when we talk about bodily autonomy for children, we're saying that kids should have the freedom to decide what to do with their own bodies. if my niece doesn't like having long hair, but she also doesn't want to get it cut, then so be it! but if she did want to get it cut, or even if she told me she didn't like wearing dresses and wanted to go by a different name, that would be completely fine. if my nephew wanted to have long hair and wear skirts and be a girl, that would be fine! kids are perfectly capable of knowing how they want to present themselves, and I think they should have the freedom to do so. but tme people (especially but not exclusively when they're cis) are so horrified that we'll tell their kids they should be able to have whatever hairstyle and dress however they want because their kids might grow up to be trans, that they try as hard as they possibly can to keep us away from children entirely. it is they who want to control their children and make them grow up into "normal" obedient cishet adults.

[jenny-in-a-jar]

🌈 2 Days Until my Surgery 🌈

(Picture taken June 8th, 2024)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ I finished up most of the story yesterday so today I'll queerness bc it's pride month under the cut! 🌈🌈🌈

But you can read through my journey starting here

First, let's talk about this outfit. Yes, I bought the shorts and top at Spencer's and honestly you can easily find someone who matches it at a large enough pride event. But, it's hard for me to not be sentimental about it. Especially since I wore it at least once the last three years.

(Pictures taken June 11, 2022 and June 10, 2023)

And you can see how it and I have subtly changed these last three years of my transition. (Too bad I didn't have for my first year of transition but such is life 🤷‍♀️). And every year I get excited to wear it again!

Because being queer means a lot to me. I wasn't one of those people who always knew they were queer. But, I never felt connected to my cishet peers either. It's odd looking back and thinking about how my normal group of friends were cishet but at things like summer camp and then college I would quickly make friends with queer people. I really wanted to be like them but couldn't know why because I felt like I didn't deserve to be as cool and free as them.

But, when I let myself dive head into queerness I finally realized that I queer people are mostly awkward nerds and all of them just want to live their lives as fully honestly themselves. And that I could relate to. And that's what made it easy for me "to rip off the band-aid" and transition. It's what let me walk out into a world where I knew I would get hateful stares because I knew I wasn't alone. And seeing how other queer people's eyes light up when they see me showed me I made the right decision because I made them feel less alone too.

And making friends in the queer community is so much easier than in the cishet community. Because there's a lot more likelihood that they'll understand your awkwardness and admire your weirdness. I said earlier that I had gone to a few house parties and actually enjoyed myself for the first time. I think the best way to show why is this anecdote. I remember being in this circle of people standing around awkwardly silent and then someone said "I'm autistic and house parties make me uncomfortable can someone start talking?" and someone replied with how they felt the same way and how they felt the same way and then a conversation started about how hard parties are and social interactions in general but we were glad to be here and to try to connect with people.

And I love studying queer history a lot. Mostly because I'm curious how I would fit in to a time/culture in history. But also I love seeing how we don't fit in existed and how society understood our non-conformity. We have always existed. Queerness is part of the human condition.

The queer community is far from perfect. We all come from very different backgrounds and often have biases we need to work on. But, it's worth it to carve out your place in the community and to find people who understand and support you and to reciprocate for them. Because the alternative is being alone.

And we all deserve to feel loved, in whatever form you need. And because I'm feeling sentimental so here's a picture of me and my love 🥲

(Picture taken June 8th, 2024)

I have one last update before my surgery tomorrow where I'll look towards the future ✨

Next part

[velvetvexations]

@trans-androgyne made this lovely post that spurred me to have thoughts about how their second point also applied to transfems but I didn't wanna derail theirs so I decided to make my own post.

Transitioning being a pro-feminist move applies to trans women as well. Gender abolitionists want to get rid of gender but in practice mostly seem to want to just go back to not considering it separate from sex and otherwise keeping such clear lines between one or the other* that gender would be the only possible result. Like, the feminist future is one where anyone can undress in front of anyone, not where we recognize that women are weak prey animals that need to be kept separate from their natural predators.

So like, it's said that trans women further the patriarchy because they associate things like the color pink with womanhood. This is an understandable perspective that appears logical on the face of it, but dig deeper. When you say pink is a woman's color, and liking the color pink - to vastly simplify the many things that goes into recognizing a desire to transition - means you must be a girl, the implication is that there is an inherent link between womanhood and the color pink. But you're missing the forest for the trees, because the actual idea at play here is that whether or not you're associated with the color pink is no longer decided for you at birth!

Naturally the counterargument is that plenty of women throughout the world and history is that plenty of women have gotten by without liking the color pink, yet not categorizing themselves as a man. GNC cis women have a long, storied history, and in this modern age are especially prominent. They are not men, or non-binary, simply because they dislike pink.

However, cis women that are gender conforming exist literally everywhere you look. Performing femininity is not at all a trans thing, and radical feminism has had a ton of conflict with cis women who shave their legs, enjoy makeup, and things like that.

But cis women, you might say, have expectations of femininity thrust upon them. Isn't it uniquely bad of trans women to choose to define their womanhood that way?

That might be the case except that a lot of trans women are also GNC as well. Literally if you saw me you'd be like "that's a gender conforming man."** It's not only about separating gender from sex, but rendering it a totally meaningless form of personal expression. That doesn't mean erasing, trivializing, or appropriating anything about cis women, but I think it feels that way to many because they have a hard time getting away from terms like "woman" meaning what it traditionally has in the past. TIRFs*** take a stab at the linguistic evolution, at least, but otherwise still see everything the same way, and will often use words like "male" and "female" to directly refer to sex specifically despite the synonymous associations they have that make trans people still reject that kinna labeling**** even before you get into the actual ideological stuff that most trans people of either assigned sex reject.

But I think you need to have both. I think a gender conforming woman who has a penis goes to show that that gender role is not defined by having a vagina, nor is having a vagina defined by that gender role. Then, on top of that, you have GNC trans and cis women alike doing whatever the fuck, breaking down the idea that a woman is one thing in particular not only regarding sex but also in how they exist in society.

*ignoring for now that even sex isn't a binary; I would love if an intersex person could please add on addressing that if they felt they had anything to add

**until I get my breasts, anyway, after which I'll look like an otherwise gender conforming man with breasts

***distinct from TRFs, TIRFs are the ones who reskin TERF frameworks with trans validating language

****I consider myself male and specifically because of my body, but this is personal to me because my identity is based heavily in a lot of archetypical stuff that doesn't play a factor in the identity of others; one way to view it is that I like to use a certain shade of purple because it was used in a lot of paintings that inspired me, but other people use other shades of purple because they were inspired by different things that come at their self-portrait from a different angle

[marengogo]

UGH!-9: Y’all Done Did It

Listening to the play list Who is Standing next to you 

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

Yes, I am enjoying my day-off, thank you for asking 😘. In fact, everything was going 🍑y, and then, as I scrolled on my husband’s post to see if other people had requested PIXID and liking all the ones who requested it 💜 I noticed one comment, and then a similar one and then I started scrolling …

WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS?:

The whole time AYS aired I left it alone. I saw this type of comments on the Blue Bird app, but I left it alone.

I thought: “Blue Bird AMI don’t know better Marengo, let them be …”, “Once the show is finished everyone will go back to their regularly scheduled stanning …” … that’s what I kept telling myself 😩 yet; here we are. 

For Fuck Sake:

Are You Sure?! 👏🏾 Is a Jungkook 👏🏾 and Jimin 👏🏾Show 👏🏾. Period👏🏾.

Do you know American Hustle Life? Yes! It is a Joonie, Jin, Yoongi, Hobi, JM, Tae and JK show.

Do you know Bon Voyage? Yes! It is a Joonie, Jin, Yoongi, Hobi, JM, Tae and JK show.

Do you know In The Soop? Yes! It is a Joonie, Jin, Yoongi, Hobi, JM, Tae and JK show.

IT REALLY AIN’T THAT HARD. 

I don't even know how to keep explaining this. Forget the shipping, forget the fact that JK and JM might be a couple, forget ALL OF IT:

I know I still have to do the EI post about JK, but let me say this for the MILLIONTH TIME: JK IS NOR STUPID OR CRUEL. If he, and JM, wanted a show where they would invite members every other episode, they would have a show where they would invite members every other episode and this would have been clear from the very beginning, because just like myself, I believe organization and routine to be a big part of JK’s life. Tae was an exception/special guest. As simple as.

Does this mean that they hate the members' presence? No. Do they want to leave the band? No. Do they think they are the most important members? NO. It simply means that maybe, just maybe, these two particular members particularly enjoy each other’s company. Some of us think it is romantic, the general public think it is strictly friendship: WHATEVER! Can AMI please please please acknowledge all harmless forms of expression? Joonie came out with one of the best albums out there, by himself, and JK & JM went on various trips and adventures together, which they wanted to share with us, AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

Liking Are you Sure?! doesn't make you a shipper, liking Are you Sure?! doesn't make you less OT7, however, liking Are You Sure?! will make you a person who is accepting of whatever harmless forms of entertainment that are being gifted to you by people whom you supposedly care about, and that very obviously means a lot to them, SO AMI NEEDS TO STOP TRYING TO TWEAK IT, BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT IN ANY WAY.

Yes I am a bitch, Yes I am petty, and Yes I am also OT7 AMI, an OT7 AMI who thinks two gentlemen in the band may fancy each other, but that is about it. I don’t go around forcing people to believe my perceptions, I don’t go brain-showing people into believing that these two individuals are married and I am very aware that they may just be straight men whom were never even curious. 

Remember my grammar pet-peeve? The one where I explained that Some people isn't the same as All people? Well, the same goes for Are You Sure?! Isn’t the same as A show like Are You Sure?! Like this person commented:

TRANS: A travel show. Something like Are You Sure? With Hobi 💜💜💜💜

This type of suggestion is totally fine. This ☝🏾, implies that the person understands that this particular show is something that two other members did, but it would be nice if two other members would make their own show with similar premises. So NO, Are You Sure Season 2?! Shouldn’t be a show with two other members and NO JK & JM don’t need to invite all the members if they don’t want to. And once again, for the love of everything that is demure,

it doesn't mean that they hate the members.

Okay? Okay.

Ayte, I’ve said all I wanted to say, now it's time for some comfort food & drinks.

またね！💋

Marengo.

[dedalvs]

I don't think that any of your conlangs are progressive enough to express being trans, but if they were, how would they? What about other gender/sexuality things?

That first clause is quite a thing to say. Languages aren't progressive. Their users may be, but the languages aren't anything. They're just languages. If you mean they're not modern (i.e. a lot of the languages I create are for cultures that are somewhat antiquated compared to our world), this is true, but that doesn't necessarily mean the languages won't have terminology for different gender identities.

There is a major assumption here, though. My understanding (and please do note: I am a cis man; please feel free to correct), cis and trans individuals, as opposed to nonbinary and genderfluid, are similar in that neither have any doubt about what gender they are, identifying with either male or female. So if any language I've created has a word for "man" or "woman", then there's sufficient vocabulary for a trans individual to express their identity that way.

However, there is a terminological difference, and it's both an individual choice and societal preference: Whether to identify as one's chosen gender identity, as trans, or both (e.g. "I am a woman", "I am trans", or "I am a trans woman"—and then preferring to use one of those or all of those, or some other combination of the three). My personal language preference (as a user and language creator) is fewer distinctions are better (why have three third person singular pronouns—or four or twelve—when you can have one?), because it's less to memorize, less work to use, and demands less specificity of the user—and allows the hearer/reader to make fewer assumptions. Unless the situation calls for it (e.g. the gender system hard-coded into Ravkan in Shadow & Bone), I prefer lumping rather than splitting. This is especially useful as I'm often not in charge of the culture I create languages for.

For example, the languages I've created for A Song of Ice and Fire were for cultures created and maintained by George R. R. Martin. Whatever cultural innovations I have made in creating the languages are, at best, pending—that is, true until George R. R. Martin says otherwise, which he is free to do at any time, as it's his world. As a result, I don't feel confident enough to say what life is like for a trans individual in his world, and how that might be reflected in the languages there. There's simply not enough information.

Where I might be in charge of the culture, you do know my preference now (i.e. fewer distinctions), but, as I am not trans, I'd prefer to leave it to the trans community to decide, and then do what I can to support those decisions linguistically (i.e. to make it work within the language). Any term chosen highlights some aspect of the experience while downplaying others. In English, trans, coming from transition, highlights the change from one identity to another. Other ideas for how to come up with a term might be using a root that refers to "true", highlighting the transition to one's true gender expression. Perhaps another root to look for would be "choose", framing it as one's chosen gender expression—IF one wishes to look at it that way.

In many ways, both the term and the experience are highly individual, and it's difficult to come up with a blanket term and say "this is the term". It's especially difficult since this isn't a life experience I share. It feels both disingenuous and a bit icky to come up with a term to describe an experience that is decidedly not my own.

My own preference in this regard is a twofold approach:

Allow trans users of whatever language to figure out what term works for them, and then support them in creating a term that obeys the various language rules (i.e. the phonology is correct, derived words are derived correctly, etc.). Those users, however, will be operating under the same "rules" that I operate under, e.g. the one who's creating the culture has the final say, if they care to weigh in, and so the result may end up not being canon, at which point it's up to the user to decide whether they care or not. (Note: I shouldn't have to explain it here on Tumblr, but, of course, you don't have to care if the creator of the canon says something isn't so, no matter how many billions they have.)

Allow polysemy. There will never be a term that is THE term. It may be an individual's preferred term, but someone else may like another, in which case it should be allowed.

A very important language-specific note (and the same is true of fandom, generally). By agreeing to work within a language, we're essentially agreeing to rules of a game. The rules can always be broken. When rules are broken, the question language users have to answer is if they've been broken so egregiously that they're no longer playing the game, or if it's fine. For example, if you look at fanfic, there's plenty of fanfic with gender-swapped characters, or the same characters in a radically different setting. Some readers may decide they don't want the characters to be gender-swapped. Others may decide that if it's not in the same setting they're not interested. And that's fine! Both the writers and the readers are deciding which rules of the game can be broken while still calling it the same game. This works very, very well so long as no one gets mad at anyone else. If someone says, "I don't enjoy this because it breaks the rules in a way that ruins my enjoyment", that's perfectly fine. If that same person says, "You're not allowed to break the rules in this way", that's not fine.

So hopefully this all makes sense. And, furthermore, when I say I want to support those who wish to create their own terms, I do mean it. If anyone has suggestions or needs help coining a possible word, feel free to message me! But do bear (2) above in mind. I'm not going to say any term is THE term, and have that be the end of it. It'll be one possibility amongst a rainbow of possibilities.

[genderqueerdykes]

Hey! I'm a cis girl living in a community that's fairly accepting of queer people in general. I'm also a minor.

I am also extremely confused by this entire thing about men and mascs being hated in fem and AFAB non-binary spaces.

Like. I'm not very active in the queer community, but this whole thing seems incredibly nonsensical to me? You're all living on the same ship, you're just pushing a bunch of random people off it and helping to widen the hole in the hull! If the queer ship sinks then they all go down together, right? Why hasten the end when you could stop it?

On a less related note, the idea of nb people being inherently feminine is also weird to me. I have met three nb people in my life and all of them were AMAB, which might change my perception about this, but I thought the whole point about nb people being not male or female was that they weren't male or female? If people don't identify as a girl then they immediately seem more masculine to me, not because I think they're a boy, but because they've explicitly stated they aren't feminine. Why would AFAB non-binary people be feminine because of a random letter on their birth certificate?

Incredibly confused. We don't have to understand but we don't have to exclude, either (not speaking for the whole girl/fem community here obviously)

it's extremely insulting, you're right. it's upsetting as well because it's coming from people who aren't even aware they're spreading rad feminism half the time. yes a lot of people are aware but a lot of them are

cis women are obsessing over making queer communities "safe spaces" which in their eyes, means weeding out everyone who isn't a cis woman or someone they can perceive to be a cis woman. if someone is "too masculine" they're not longer accepted as non binary and are now men. some trans girls who don't pass hard enough are seen as men because they "look like" men. AMAB and intersex queer people in general get forced out of queer spaces immediately due to transmisogyny, especially lesbian spaces. transfems are not safe in any lesbian space at this point.

idk what to call it but enbyphobia is ridiculous and rampant right now like. nonbinary and gender non conforming people have to either be extremely feminine (because now they're Woman Lite) or they're trans men. the amount of AMAB transfeminine people who try to find community who get turned away is brutal. most of the nonbinary people i know are AMAB. it's such a common phenomenon. AMAB people have more options for being trans than just trans woman. also the collective fear of penises that these cis women have is bullshit as well. these women basically want to ask you if you have a dick or not (or want one) so they can kick you out because they're that transphobic and intersexist.

the fact that AFAB and intersex nonbinary people are treated as Woman Lite is really old. it does not matter if that person is a feminine nonbinary person. they're still nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, bigender or whatever their gender actually is. i don't get why cis women think it's a great idea to shit on other AFAB people so much. why do these people claim they want these to be "women's safe spaces" and then shit on other people they perceive to be women? most cis women have some serious internalized misogyny issues. i don't know why people think it's progressive to profile, misgender and abuse people who had, have or are perceived to have vaginas.

trans men are treated like a danger to the entire community when the entire community is hostile towards them. trans men are not a threat to anyone in the current state we're in. we are not trying to take over spaces that we rightfully belong in. we're not hurting people like cis women want you to think we are. cis women have become obsessed with making queer spaces "women's safe spaces". like no matter what. i guarantee you there are cis women like this chasing gay men out of their own spaces, too. it's just a disaster. we need to accept what the real problem is here.

i'm just gonna say it and people are gonna shit themselves and i don't care:

while women and womanhood are not a threat to anyone in general, contextually, cis women are one of the biggest threats to our community right now. not cis men. cool it on the man hating and accept that we are currently in such a shitty spot because of a lot of very hateful and abusive cis women.

cis women are not inherently safe to be around. cis women are not inherently incapable of abuse. cis women are not 100% harmless. cis women are capable of being queerphobic. cis women are capable of being trans/misogynistic. cis women are capable of being lesbophobic. cis women are capable of being homophobic. cis women are capable of being bi/pan/mspec phobic. cis women are capable of being intersexist. cis women are capable of being aphobic.

it's cis women who are responsible for rad feminism. terfs are cis women. cis women can be abusive. cis women can be transphobic. cis women can be dangerous to be around. can we stop sitting here saying men are public enemy #1 when we have cis women who are actively fucking up our communities every single day? this is a SPECIFIC group of women. not all women blah blah. these are specific people with a specific mentality and it needs to stop. we have to stop letting them dominate every single queer space we have.

the reason we're being torn apart is because we've been brainwashed into thinking they're right because women are inherently safe and men are inherently dangerous, but that is literal radical feminism at its worst and we need to stop repeating it and reinforcing it from within our own communities.

[angelpuns]

I think looking through my art over then years is really interesting because in middle school I drew a lot of ( terrible ) fanart, drew a LOT of comics and generally just drew whatever I wanted even though it was pretty terrible.

In highschool I drew a LOT of really serious, really grungey and really naked-heavy art ( Like...I drew naked women very very often because I was a closeted trans man :/) and I also drew a lot of ocs. I was mentally not the worse but I was masking super hard and wanted to understand the kind of struggles other people went through ( I was one of those kids that liked reading really sad stories and 'longed for trauma so that my being the way I am would make sense and be justified' anyway I did have trauma just could not recognize it as such because my life was ' too normal'. Not trying to like trauma dump or whatever I've just thought about it a lot )

Then in college/after college ( during a really difficult time in my life ) I drew a LOT of men. Especially sexy/sexualized men. But my art was less serious and more story driven. Still not comics but a lot of behind the scenes lore was happening. Also drew a lot of OCS. My college art was p weak cause I just wanted to make oc art at the time and all my instructors wanted me to make symbolic pieces that 'meant something' and I was very against that. ( I also was out at this time and was unmasking a lot more - but I also was living through some mildly traumatic stuff. I don't like to call it traumatic but it might have been that. I worry the stuff I think is traumatic isn't and I'm totally blowing it out of proportion. Anyway this isn't venting just observations )

And NOW I make a LOT OF FANART AND A LOT OF COMICS AND A LOT OF WHATEVER I WANT Which is hilarious cause we've come full circle. I don't draw sexual/sexy stuff at all anymore cause I don't enjoy it and I never enjoyed it ( I drew a lot of it in college/after college cause the people around me thought I was asexual and I wanted to prove I wasn't, because I really am not. Might be aromantic tho. Anyway drawing sexy stuff vs not drawing it means nothing in relation to my sexuality ) I also am working on drawing stuff that actually does mean something even tho I hated it in college. But I'm doing it the way I want to. ( this was all because of a comment I got on a fanfic. Wherever you are commented I hope you're doing well. You made me want to create art and fics that have a deeper meaning )

I think currently I am happiest with my art I just wish I had more time for it. Like yeah skill wise I'll probably never be where I want to be - as is the nature of being an artist - but I'm having fun and enjoy sharing my art and that's what matters.

Anyway I'm gonna make a year of art summary but I am also gonna make a 25 years of art summary for my birthday cause I think the comparisons are just funny year to year. Like I'll have gaps and stuff obviously but the circle of art I've been going through is so wild

Also side note none OF THIS IS MEANT TO BE A VENT ANY MENTAL HEALTH/TRAUMA THINGS ARE JUST OBSERVATIONS I'VE MADE/SPENT TIME THINKING ABOUT OKAY SO PLEASE DONT WORRY ABOUT REASSURING ME I DO PLAN ON TALKING ABOUT ALL THIS IN THERAPY OBVIOUSLY IM MENTALLY ACTUALLY P DECENT RN THIS WAS JUST ME RAMBLING ABOUT THE VERY SILLY ART CIRCLE JOURNEY IVE BEEN ON AND ALSO SOME OF THE THINGS THAT INFLUENVED THAT JOURNEY AH

[alchamy34]

The hate for Randy Cunningham x Shezow makes zero sense

To hear that this fanon ship has hate makes me depressed.

I mean, it was kinda noticeable that Randy was at LEAST bi or closeted queer, maybe bi curious. And fans who didn't notice were too focused on the teen crush this idiot had for Theresa Fowler. I was okay with it as I saw nothing wrong. But it's a hidden secret that Randy's relationship with Howard was a little too...romantic fluffy. Of course it didn't become canon because Disney was homophobic then.

As for Shezow, loved him as a trans role model. I loved that the show tried convincing viewers to accept trans community. I mean he wasn't the first character I've seen crossdressing but he's still a comfort character and a good way to prevent kids from becoming transphobic assholes.

Now let's talk about the "crackship".

Everyone has their own opinions about stuff, so I'm not trying to force people to like this.

But despite being just fanon and might never be canon, there's nothing wrong about liking fanon ships. I'm not only talking about crossovers, I'm talking about some ships between characters from the same fandom but aren't canon either.

For example:

Kacchako

Zutara

ghostfox

Zuko x Song

Jaybabs

Aragami x yamiko (video game)

Randy and Guy Hamdon make sense to me. It would be fun, sweet, maybe emotional...

Randy is an idiot, anyone who watched the show is well aware. Guy is also a bit of an idiot though slightly smarter.

I have already noticed headcanons that fit their relationship.

Ninja would crush on Shezow first who would reject him multiple times. Because he thinks She is a She.

Guy had dated boys before but it's a bit hard for him to be completely honest, not just the secret identity but also fear of being hated for fighting crime dressed as a girl. This is so understandable it breaks my heart.

Randy is at first convinced he's straight, because he never stopped to question why he's happier with Howard or that there may be more chemistry with him. Like I said, he's an idiot (or should I say shoob?)

Shezow keeps rejecting Ninja (who pathetically doesn't get the hint). But he later starts falling for him (not saying why or how because its obvious).

Randy, after finding out who Shezow is, is in denial that his crush is a boy. This could be what he needs so he can go on that journey to self discovery.

This ship makes sense, that and I love mlm ships (that aren't seriously controversial).

I mean if more people wrote this ship as fanfiction then more people could start seeing the reasons why this ship deserves more attention. Not to mention but the pairing would remind me the Ladybug and Chat Noir dynamic.

[live-laugh-legolas]

hi! if I may, a request where the reader comes out to the Fellowship (and Faramir?) as non-binary/trans? just curious how each of them would handle the concept, since it's definitely not something we see portrayed much, canon or otherwise c:

Coming out to the fellowship as trans/non-binary (+Faramir)

Aragorn:

-A very respectful man

-Will ask your pronouns, name, whatever

-I think he might not understand it

-But he has the mindset of “I don’t speak dwarvish but I know it’s still a language” so he respects you even if he is a little confused

-Will make a point to learn though

-He never wants to remain ignorant and will make sure you know to correct him if he says anything insensitive or incorrect

Legolas:

-I was thinking about how elves would react to things like this and I’ll be honest, I don’t think they really know about it

-Like yes they are old and very wise, but they often are kinda sheltered

-So you can best believe Legolas has a lot of questions

-I think him and Frodo are very similar in their love of learning about other cultures and races, and this extends to sexuality and identity

-Elves can be kinda blunt though so expect some equally as blunt questions

-You might have to explain that this doesn’t mean you can just change your biology like a clownfish

-That would be awesome though

Gimli:

-I picture dwarves as being some of the most accepting of the races; unless you are an elf

-If you are an elf he will respect your identity but still won’t like you (initially) because you’re an elf

-I imagine him making fun of you but you correct him on your pronouns and he apologizes then continues while now using the correct pronouns

Boromir:

-It makes me sad that I can imagine some people thinking he would be against it

-Because he’s not

-He is such a lover of people and will be totally fine with whatever people identify as

-If you are trans he will make a point to call you his brother/sister whenever possible to show his support

-The biggest ally and no one can convince me otherwise

Frodo:

-So curious and fully accepting

-He is totally chill about it but will ask questions and want to know your whole story, even if there isn’t really one

-He loves you no matter what and will not stand for anyone saying anything but nice things about you

Sam:

-Possibly has a hard time

-He does his best to be supportive

-But he’s confused

-“If not boy or girl what is there??”

-But he’s so sweet about it you know he doesn’t mean it in an offensive way

-He just has a pretty black and white view of the world sometimes

-But will also very sternly and protectively correct people if they call you the wrong thing; he puts up with no bullshit

Merry:

-“Alright cool, anyway….” And just continues his prank plan

-Will make sure he knows your pronouns and what you wish to be called and referred to as but kinda leaves it as that

-I don’t think this sort of this is a new concept to him

-I imagine him being raised with the same way I was in regards to LGBTQ+ where it was just kinda there and was never taught as good or bad

-Like it just is a part of humanity and if you are LGBTQ+ then great and if you’re not, also great

-Will correct people if the call you the wrong thing but in a subtle way

Pippin:

-Facinated

-May ask possibly intrusive questions

-But he’s just very interested and doesn’t mean to be rude

-He just has no filter you know?

Gandalf:

-Says some poetic shit about being your true self and moves on

-Probably already knew somehow

*Bonus Faramir:

-Unlike his brother, I think he is a bit confused

-I think he is so caught up in trying to fit into a certain mold because of his father that he forgets there is more to life sometimes

-I mean that in the nicest way; I love this sweet gentle man

-But he’s a bit sheltered

-Will go to his brother to ask questions because he’s shy

-Will apologize if he thinks he said or did anything wrong or insensitive

-He didn’t but he’s nothing if not thorough

-He is also so empathetic if you face any discrimination or harassment and he will stand by your side no matter what

———————————————————————

If anything said in here is insensitive or something plz let me know and I will update. I will never be offended if someone points things out to me because that is the best way for me to learn and better myself as a person :)

I want this to be a safe blog for everyone 💕

[nothorses]

What is your opinion on terf blocklists, where every one on there at the time had clear and intentional radfem beliefs pushing shitty ideas about trans people and easily identifiable as to what exactly they believe via what they say and circulate and who they constantly reblog shitty things about trans people from?

I promise this is a genuine good faith question; I want to understand if the thing I've been taught be others to do with the purported intention of eliminating platforms for terfs to protect ourselves and others is actually helpful or if that also has far reaching consequences I hadn't considered before. I'm trying to think about it but struggling with the idea I got taught to do them/follow them (blocklists) for being to identify correctly and block, not harass. But do the harms of encouraging that approach actually outweigh the benefits and that doesn't change even if the blocklist is for actual bigots?

Again, genuine question. Trying to learn.

I think the problem here is less in how a blocklist is constructed; it's not hard to imagine that a list can be made under strict enough criteria, with enough careful vetting, to contain only Genuinely Bad People- or at least people who would not object to being placed in the category of that list. It's also not hard to come up with categories of people that feel morally reprehensible enough, and unattached from any marginalized identity enough, to be "safe" to target: it would be absurd to argue against a "Nazi blocklist" that contains only self-proclaimed Nazis.

The problem also isn't really in how blocklists are intended to be used; it's pretty fair that someone might want a list of people to block pre-emptively in order to avoid harassment, particularly when that harassment is bigoted. It's not hard to imagine that someone making such a list is doing so with the intent that it only be used for blocking, and that they might even make an effort to say as much in the post. And at that point, is it really their fault if someone goes against their clearly-stated wishes?

The problem is that a blocklist is, by fundamental design, "free research". It's put forth entirely so other people do not have to do their own research, which means the entire premise discourages people from doing that research.

You aren't offering up a list of people that others should go look into and form their own opinion about, you're offering up a list of people you already did the research on so people can copy/paste and be done with it. It would be counterproductive- and frankly silly- to post a blocklist with some "but make sure to double check these yourself!" disclaimer, because like, that's not the point of the list. Nobody is going to do that. Even if they did, they're looking into these people under the assumption that there is something to find; everything is going to look suspicious in a way it never would have without that framing.

The question isn't whether a blocklist can be made with good intentions and due diligence; the question is whether it can be made with ill intent or sloppy execution, whether anyone can tell the difference, how likely they are to actually check, what you're doing with that list, and what impact your choices have.

If I make a list, the message I send is, "you can trust me. I did the research, I did it right, and this is a Good Blocklist. If you trust me, you should trust this list."

If I reblog a blocklist, the message I send is, "I trust this list. I may have even checked it myself. This is a Good Blocklist. If you trust me, you should trust this list."

The majority of the people who follow me probably believe they can trust me to some extent; oftentimes, people just trust that whatever is on their dashboard is trustworthy, because someone they follow put it there. Those are their friends, and their friends are trustworthy!

This should make you nervous. You should not be comfortable with this. People make mistakes all the time, and even if they did do the research (it's so much more likely that they did not, especially if they're not the original creator), someone else's standards of what kind of person "deserves" to be on a list like that are very likely different from your's. Are you going to double check every single name on that list yourself?

Well, if the accusation is bad enough, probably not. Especially if the accusation is something like "Nazi" or "TERF". And if you do start checking, how likely are you to check every single name? If the first 3 or 5 seem to check out, will you bother with the other 50 on the list?

What if OP hid someone in that list who doesn't belong there; someone they just have a personal grudge against? What if OP defines "TERF" to mean "anyone I assume doesn't think trans women are the most oppressed", and after the first 15 actual TERFs, the list is just a bunch of transmascs- many of whom don't even disagree with OP in the first place? What if they define "TERF" to include anyone who has ever been a TERF, and one of the people on that list is a trans person that has been rumored- without any foundation or grain of truth whatsoever- to have once been a TERF?

Will you know? Will you check? Even if someone you trust reblogs it? Even if someone you trust made it?

A blocklist may not have the same kind of obviously punitive intent as a callout post does, but it's a tool from the same toolbox. People think callout posts are about "safety", too. Lots of people also think that about the criminal justice system, about prisons, about the death penalty.

The question is not whether that could be true, or whether there could be a world in which justice is administered correctly with these tools. The question is whether it could fail, and who it hurts when it does.

Who can abuse this system? How easy is it to do so? Who is most likely to be hurt; is it the intended target, or people who are already disempowered by our systems and society?

What is the best way to go about this?

Even done correctly, a blocklist is not the most effective tool here: people can remake their blogs, change urls, and often have sockpuppets ready to go anyway. The list is rendered useless and inert as soon as enough people change their strategies to evade it. A more effective tool is education; teaching people how to recognize a TERF, or TERF ideology, on their own. Teaching them why those ideas are problematic. Encouraging them to block and disengage, and teaching them why engaging is harmful and counterproductive. Talking about de-radicalization, cult recruitment and radicalization tactics, and how to fight this epidemic.

Telling people what to think does not solve the problem, but teaching them how to be critical might.

[stilljuststardust]

I’m a 15 years old girl and my parents are very homophobic

Today my mom made me sat down because she thinks that I wanna turn into a boy and she told me for my old sis to also come downstairs to talk about it cause they found it weird mind you they’re very religious

After my big sis came downstairs my mom started talking about how I act like a boy when I’m a girl also that God made me a girl so why would I try to change into a girl and also said that if I keep acting like this she would take all my electronics

And send me somewhere else where I won’t see her and my siblings ever again

I’m crying so much because I did everything to change myself to become normal like others straight but nothing works and I found out that I want to be a boy I tried everything like manifesting being a man nothing it working and circumstances keeps getting worse and worse till the point it making me depressed like maybe I’m stuck this way maybe I will never be a man

I’m so scared cause she said if I don’t change I will not have access to phone I’m having a bad breakdown rn idk what to do anymore I’m so lost

But part of me still believes I’m a man no matter what

Hello, before I give you LOA advice let's talk

You ARE a man. You are a man. You are a man.

You are a man no matter what.

You don't have to do anything to be a man. It's who you are deep down in the pit of your soul. You already are a man.

Not just in an LOA sense, I'm saying this from a non-manifesting perspective: you are not a girl.

You will never be a girl, you never were. Do you understand that? Who you are as a person is a man.

I'm like you.

It's ok to be a trans. Being trans is normal. Half my friends are trans, I'm trans. You aren't alone, you aren't the only one. There is nothing wrong with you.

Firstly I would like to say, always always always prioritize your safety and well-being.

I know it's easier said than done but the closet exists for a reason. It keeps us safe. Do not come out if it would put you in danger. You do not have to be out to be valid.

I hate that my advice is to fawn and pretend to be something you're not, but its safest sometimes.

It feels so far away now, but there will be a time when you are free to be who you are. You will find people who support you. You will find people who are like you. When I was in your place 18 felt so far away and unreachable, but it's not. Freedom will come. Please hold on.

Link to The Trevor project. (Councilors and hotline for queer people who are struggling mentally)

Loa

At the end there will be a handful of LOA posts I think you should read/you might be interested in + subliminals for you. The most important one in my opinion being the one I list first.

The law gets over complicated alot. At the end of the day it boils down to this.

An assumption, though false, if persisted in will harden into fact.

An assumption being something you accept as the truth without needing evidence and persistence meaning you assume regardless of what the 3D shows you.

Essentially, you decide you have your desire and you are stubborn in that decision.

It's ok to feel intense emotions, it's ok to be scared and hurt and frustrated, you just have to assume that no matter what the physical world shows you you are undeniably biologically male.

There is no more advice to give, there is only the law. Assume, affirm, persist.

The posts

How I manifested my dream life with extremely hard circumstances (blushydior)

If it's too long a read (seriously I think you should read the whole thing either way) here's the parts I thought would benefit you the most

What you need to know about loa

How to ignore the 3D

Nothing is true until you decide it is

It's ok to feel like shit

Loa checklist

Subliminals and affirmation tapes

Revise past negative events

Desired body

Mind over matter

It's done

Your desire is a fact

I keep getting results

If you need motivation

@loasuccessarchive

[jacebeleren]

It bothers me so much that the only transfem rep in mtg cards is this like. Soldier military woman, like 'ooh look at this guy's we made a trans woman who's a part of a war machine' fantastic thank you magic very original

=========

Okay.

First of all, there is no "our" interpretation of the text. My thoughts are my own, and your thoughts are your own. Some of our thoughts might align, but I will not allow you to speak for me.

Second, I am sorry you feel so disappointed in the current state of transgender representation in Magic. I understand your concerns and I think they're valid concerns.

Third, your concerns being valid does not mean I agree with what you have to say, though. Don't come into my inbox complaining unless you're ready for me to honestly respond. Respectfully, your approach to these concerns makes it clear to me that you don't actually understand what you're talking about.

It's apparent that you follow me or have at least seen many of my posts. You appear to respect my opinions / analysis (at least regarding Jace and Tezzeret). So listen to me when I say this:

What constitutes 'good' representation is context-dependent, and it's not something you alone get to decide.

Yes, Alesha is a "soldier military woman", as you said. I understand that you have this complaint because you believe this makes Alesha an example of the stereotype that trans women are violent. But context matters. What you're failing to consider is the fact that she comes from the Mardu Horde, a faction on Tarkir inspired by the Mongol hordes of real-world history. In this context, Alesha isn't presented as violent because she's a trans woman. She's violent because she literally comes from a warrior clan based on one of the greatest military forces in human history. And honestly, with Magic being a combat-centric game, she's not any more violent than any non-Mardu Legends, either.

Do you seriously think a story about a trans woman fighting to proudly declare her trans identity in her culture and later becoming the accomplished and well-respected leader of her clan is bad representation? Does the fact that she's a warrior really outweigh the rest of the lovingly crafted trans narrative they created for her, to you?

It's fine if you feel that way. You don't have to like Alesha or her story. But just because something wasn't made for your taste doesn't mean it's bad writing / bad representation.

Anyway, I highly recommend you read Alesha's story, "The Truth of Names", since it seems like you haven't read it yet. It's a fantastic story-- the most beloved short story in all of Magic, actually. It was the most-read article on the entire Magic website for like 5 years, according to WOTC.

And if you're interested in learning more about transfem characters in Magic who aren't Alesha, I recommend you read about Xantcha, who first appears in the novel "Planeswalker".

Next, I need to make things clear about Ashiok.

Ashiok was never intended to be nonbinary representation. Ashiok was created to be a mysterious, unknowable villain. What makes Ashiok special is that we are not mean to know anything about Ashiok. We do not know Ashiok's species or plane of origin, for example. Another part of that element of mystery is not knowing Ashiok's gender, or how Ashiok identifies. Ashiok's original style guide from Theros explicitly instructs people to not use any pronouns for Ashiok at all (which I still follow because old habits are hard to break.) Official Magic sources did not begin to use they/them pronouns for Ashiok until 2022, in the story "A Garden of Flesh" (another excellent story, BTW.) And they only started using they/them for Ashiok because it is really hard to write a story where the character is mentioned that many times without pronouns.

All this to say: Ashiok as intentional nonbinary representation is certainly not the narrative WOTC is pushing.

Yes, there are many fans of Ashiok who interpret Ashiok as nonbinary, but those are their thoughts and you need not concern yourself with that, if it bothers you so.

As for Niko, it's weird that you say they're "non-existent" in Magic story when 2 of the 5 side stories ("Know Which Way the Wind is Blowing" and "Aim Through the Target") in their debut set Kaldheim were entirely focused on Niko. They're also a starring main character in 15 of the 25 issues of the BOOM! Studios Magic comics.

I'm glad you like my analysis of Jace and Tezzeret as transgender characters. Thank you for that, genuinely. But I want you to understand that the reason I have these interpretations is because I love Magic Story. And more importantly, I actually read it. I love Magic Story, and I have so much respect for the Magic Narrative team and the work they do.

What most people don't understand is that the Magic Narrative Team is in fact very careful and very loving in their approach to queer representation. You may not know this about me, but I'm friends with A LOT of people who formerly or currently work on Magic / Magic Story. Knowing these people personally, I know for a fact that the Magic creative Team does not create queer characters for "diversity points". They're not just checking boxes. The Magic creative team creates queer characters because the Magic creative team is full of queer people and allies who want to tell stories that reflect their own + fans' experiences. And they have to constantly fight to include more / better queer representation in Magic. They want good queer representation in Magic just as much as we do.

Am I going to defend everything they do? No! Are they perfect? No! They are just people. They make mistakes and they have blind spots. For example, in my essay about my analysis of Jace as a trans man, I explain that the reason my interpretation means so much to me is because there is currently zero meaningful representation for trans men in Magic canon. There are zero transgender male characters in Magic canon who have names. That's a HUGE blind spot considering the number of canon trans characters! That's something that disappoints and upsets me.

I'm not afraid to criticize Magic Story, and I do so very often. But I am critical of Magic story because I love it. My criticism does not equal hatred or unhappiness.

Sorry to hear that their efforts at including better trans representation in Magic would piss you off. I'm sorry that you've given up.

Lastly, I think Liliana is cis, but that's just my headcanon.

[lissu]

sorry if this is something you'd rather not answer, i totally understand, but i have been going through it these last few months lol. how did you realise/come to terms with being trans? i've been in gender limbo for a while now and i'm simultaneously sick of it and terrified of what the truth might be 😅

i don't mind answering, but this is not going to be simple or short.

buckle up for a lissu gender journey! i'm giving you as much context as i can, i hope there's something here that can help you out.

content warning for mentions of eating disorders (not in detail) and internalized transphobia.

this is baby lissu. i was luckier than most people, as my parents are feminists and they insisted that every kid got the same hobbies, opportunities and expectations. i have two older brothers and an older sister. we wore clothes as hand-me-downs (including this beautiful hat), so i got to wear "boy clothes" from a young age.

my first language is finnish, which is gender-neutral (no gendered pronouns at all), and i think that this gender-neutral upbringing caused me to not think about gender at all in my childhood.

then puberty hit, and i realized i hated being a girl. the 00s sexism was real, but also being a "tomboy" got me a lot of teasing – there was no winning in middle school i think. i didn't know about being trans or anything back then. i cosplayed boy characters (i also drew a beard on myself a lot and just walked around like that??) and dreamt of binding but didn't know how to do it.

i was really drawn to emo/visual key aesthetic, idolized femme men (or, bishounen as we anime girlies called them) and cried when i had to wear makeup or dresses. i developed an eating disorder in my teenage years, i was so uncomfortable with my body and myself.

in my late teens, i went full femme and got hetero married. every time i got more femme my ed got worse (my boob situation was really unfortunate for a Guy). at this point i also got into some radfemmy thoughts, thinking that being a woman is supposed to be awful and something that people just bear and don't want to be. i internalized that thinking, kind of in a doomerist/blackpilled sense where i thought that being a woman equals suffering. sprinkle in some man-hating here and you have a beautiful stew of trans denial.

(jfc i look like a stepford wife in photos from this time, the dead eyes really make the look)

i did ask my spouse if he'd be alright with dating a man a lot, in that "if i woke up tomorrow and was a man what would you do" way. i think already at this point i knew this was not right for me, but like i said, i was fully convinced every woman hated being a woman.

in 2019 i cut my hair, cried a lot, and thought about coming out as nonbinary. i had a lot of mental health issues going on (undiagnosed adhd and workplace bullying made me burn out) and i decided i was too busy for a gender crisis.

at this point i kinda knew what was going on – i started daydreaming about being a guy. still, i thought it was impossible, like literally an unattainable dream. i had internalized transphobia, and on top of that, trans healthcare is really hard to get into in finland and i thought i was "too old" to transition at 24. so i kinda figured out it would be easier to just live as a weird girl – the thing is, it was really hard, and then 2020 happened so i went back to closet full-time.

i have to mention i was wrongly diagnosed as bipolar 1 at this point and on heavy medication (difficult women amirite) – most of my time was just about surviving and not really living. my ex was addicted to drugs and mean to me, and i overall felt like a heaping pile of garbage. i had fully committed to being femme, but seeing photos of myself during '20-'24 i always look like i'm in drag. i kind of am.

this is taken a day after my divorce. i was in such denial at this point i fully committed to being a lesbian. i thought all my issues were because i was dating the wrong gender and not because i was not living like i wanted to.

i think something shifted in the next months. i was re-evaluating who i was and who i wanted to be with... i don't think there was one single instance that made me realize i was trans but maybe it was a lot of things.

i kept dreaming about being a guy. i was jealous of guys at the gym. i was jealous of guys in the same way i'd been since i was that weird anime-loving girl in my teens – i was wondering why guys got all the things i didn't get? why didn't guys hate being a guy? i also met some women (cis and trans) who were clearly overjoyed about being a woman and identified with it strongly. it made me realize not everyone hates being a woman, surprise surprise.

at some point i realized i don't have to be a woman if i hate it so much, no one is forcing me to live like that except myself.

(this is me, two months on t showcasing my new favorite mug.)

i dated another trans guy briefly and he had some tips on how to get on hormones without the hassle of finnish trans health care, and when i heard it i immediately knew i wanted it. i had no hesitation and contacted the clinic the same day. it affected me a lot, seeing a hot and out trans guy about my age, short and still so confident in himself. he proved a lot of my fears wrong, and it was the final push i needed to start a medical transition.

it was like admitting something i had known for years and yet i had to practice saying it out loud. a big thing that made all the difference for me was that i realized that i didn't just have to tolerate being who i was "born" as and i could choose what to do with my life.

i would say that the biggest reasons it took me so long (29 years) to realize i was trans were:

gender-neutral language and upbringing

lack of information AND misinformation about gender affirmation and trans healthcare. transphobia made me think i was going to be ugly and unlovable if i transitioned. also the trans clinic in finland seems to be widely feared and hated, and i have medical trauma and putting myself through that seemed like a nightmare. i am now getting a referral to the clinic, now that i'm four months on hormones and getting my top surgery next week (i still need the finnish diagnosis to get hysto). i am still afraid of the clinic.

man-hating in leftist circles. even my trans-inclusive friends said jokingly that all men are awful or that they hate being attracted to men. it made me afraid to tell these people i was a guy and i held a lot of similar beliefs

i had Other Issues going on and it was easier to blame my discomfort on anything else than dysphoria

fear of transphobia. online it seems like everyone hates us and i was worried people were going to cut me off. well, no one cut me off and people have been kind and accepting, curious and supportive. i'm the first trans person a lot of people around me have knowingly met (i hang out a lot with 50+ yo athletes in my boxing circles) and even people who have never heard of it before are accepting. most people don't actually care, including my parents (i did mention the feminist thing upfront lmao)

the last part is kind of hard to explain but admitting i was a guy felt like giving up on something. i was a good-looking woman with, as mentioned, great assets (f cup tits at 21 did make me feel Some Type of Way) and i had some shame in admitting that i didn't want the attention i'd been getting. like i said, this is hard to explain but i felt like i was losing some privilege or "downgrading" from a hot and weird woman to a short and weird man.

my dysphoria didn't make me want to kill myself. i think there's a lot of emphasis on trans suffering, and because my genitals or boobs didn't make me always feel awful, i thought it was just body dysmorphia (thinking i was fat or ugly when i was neither)

after i started my transition and came out of the closet, i've been happier with myself than ever before. ofc my issues didn't just magically vanish, but my self-hate is not adding to the pile. for the first time ever i feel HOT and BEAUTIFUL and when i look in the mirror i smile.

i think admitting the truth to myself and my loved ones WAS terrifying, but i've never felt loved in the same way. i love myself as ME and so do my loved ones.

one more thing, i think that when i was presenting a woman it was really conditional to me. i was only a woman if i was dressed femme enough or had makeup on or when my hair was done and then the rest of the time i didn't feel like anything, really. when i came to terms with being a guy, i feel like a guy now 24/7. i don't have any terms and conditions to being a guy the same way i had for being a woman.

i know this was like the new new testament, feel free to ask about any of the specifics for clarification!

[nerdygaymormon]

Favorite LGBTQ movie and TV quotes

“Um, I do drink red wine, but I also drink white wine. And I’ve been known to sample the occasional rosé. And a couple summers back, I tried a Merlot that used to be a Chardonnay, which got a bit complicated… I like the wine and not the label. Does that make sense?”

— David Rose, Schitt’s Creek, Season 1, Episode 10

“That felt so good to say. I feel like I just solved an escape room I’ve been trapped in my entire life.”

— Fabiola Torres, Never Have I Ever, Season 1, Episode 5

“Look, I’ll be hurt either way. Isn’t it better to be who I am?”

— Eric Effiong, Sex Education, Season 1, Episode 7

“Everybody’s story is different. There’s your version, and my version, and everything in between. But the one thing that all of those stories have in common is that moment right before you say those words when your heart is racing, and you don’t know what’s coming next. That moment’s really terrifying. And then once you say those words, you can’t unsay them. A chapter has ended, and a new one’s begun, and you have to be ready for that.”

— John, Happiest Season

“The good thing about being different is that no one expects you to be like them”

— Ellie Chu, The Half Of It

"When I'm with Brittany, I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love. I've tried so hard to push this feeling away, and keep it locked inside, but every day just feels like a war. I walk around so mad at the world, but I'm really just fighting with myself. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm just too tired. I have to just be me."

— Santana Lopez, Glee, Season 3, Episode 7

“Now, there is a long and honorable tradition in the gay community, and it has stood us in good stead for a very long time. When somebody calls you a name…you take it and own it.”

— Mark Ashton, Pride

“So I'm bisexual. So what? It's LGBTQ for a reason. There's a B in there and it doesn't mean Badass. Okay, it does, but it also means Bi.”

— Callie Torres, Grey's Anatomy, Episode 1105

“We’re standing here in Philadelphia, the, uh, City of Brotherly Love, the birthplace of freedom where the, uh, founding fathers authored the Declaration of Independence, and I don’t recall that glorious document saying anything about all straight men are created equal. I believe it says all men are created equal.”

— Joe Miller, Philadelphia

"Yes, I wear foundation. Yes, I live with a man. Yes, I'm a middle- aged fag. But I know who I am, Val. It took me twenty years to get here, and I'm not gonna let some idiot senator destroy that. F*** the senator, I don't give a damn what he thinks."

— Armand Goldman, The Birdcage

"Being gay is your thing. There are parts of it you have to go through alone. I hate that. As soon as you came out, you said, "Mom, I'm still me." I need you to hear this: You are still you, Simon. You are still the same son who I love to tease and who your father depends on for just about everything. And you're the same brother who always complements his sister on her food, even when it sucks. You get to exhale now, Simon. You get to be more you than you have been in... in a very long time. You deserve everything you want."

— Emily Spier, Love, Simon

"The greatest gift we can give each other is our authentic selves and sharing that. Sharing our truth is what will make us strong. So here I am. I am both human and alien. And I am a trans woman."

— Kara Danvers, Supergirl, Season 4, Episode 19

"But I feel more when I look at a picture of Kristen Stewart than I do when I kiss him."

— Elena Alvarez, One Day at a Time,

"You can’t change it. You can’t fix me. Because I’m not broken, I don’t need to be fixed, OK? I’m me!"

— Ian Gallagher, Shameless, Season 5, Episode 12

"Becoming me was the greatest creative project of my life."

Eliot Waugh, The Magicians, Season 1, Episode 1

"Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place. So, thank you."

—Raymond Holt, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 5, Episode 10

"I might be…bisexual, and you guys know I hate labels, but this one feels important right now to own the space I’m in and to make sense of it."

—Kat Edison, The Bold Type