#i think he should be allowed to be weird and freak people out idk

[valeovalairs]

chip should be able to take his head off now for giggles

[ethansluvbot]

my requests r so broken so idk if this will go through 😭 but if you write for jack champion (i think u do) maybe jack champion x reader where reader doesn’t like showing her face a lot (especially on camera) but jack still attempts to include her in livestreams and such? :) lik she’ll be off scream but he’s admiring her mid-stream— HWGDHWHD thanks gurlll

PRETTY BOY | JACK CHAMPION

warnings: nothing just fluff!!

an: WAIT THIS IS SO CUTE. i’m basing this off of the neighborhood “pretty boy” because i love that song.

you always felt pretty with jack, jack made you feel perfect. he was the one thing you needed to be happy. even though you struggle with insecurities he always would help you through them.

he would always make sure to include you. that was including his live streams that he would have often. you hated showing your face to thousands of people and even speaking to them freaked you out.

you couldn’t understand how jack did it? your social anxiety wouldn’t allow this to happen. jack was currently going live as you laid on his bed.

“y/n come over here,” he patted his lap for you to sit in. you thought about it for second before shaking your head. what if they wouldn’t like you? what if they would make fun of you?

he walked away from his phone kneeling down in front of you, “you’ll be fine, nothing that they say should have a effect on you. you’re so gorgeous and i doubt they would think any different. we can take it slow if you want?”

the corners of your mouth rise up. you were so grateful to date someone like him. someone so considerate, charming and hilarious.

“fine. i’m not showing my face though.” those were the only conditions jack had to follow so he would take it. taking your hand into his he say you next to his phone.

“my beautiful girlfriend y/n is here with me! i wish you guys could see how perfect she was,” you felt a blush creep onto your cheeks. it was weird being treated like this. treated like you actually mattered to him, which you did.

in past relationships you were treated like shit. so having someone that was always there for you was great. his hand sat on your thigh drawing shapes with his fingers.

you loved watching jack interact with his fans. he was great at it even though his sense of humor was outdated. you only hoped he would make a great dad one day.

you looked up to see jacks eyes fixated on you. maybe he was right just to show your face. it wasn’t going to be as bad as what you were thinking.

laying your head on his shoulder you waved to the camera. all he could think about was how special you were. you were the one girl that would stick out to him. the one that could make him smile everyday.

“i love you,” he mumbled out playing with your fingers.

“i love you too jack.”

[saltlickmp3]

☕how the writers delt with river song

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP THEY DID MY GIRL SO DIRTY there are so many. good river song moments. and there are so manythat make me want to tear a strip off steven moffat like every goddamn episode with her they have to make some obnoxious sex joke or some Honey Im Home type shit & i understand this is like. A Moffat Theme & i dont always hate it but goddddd its so reductive like there is so much!!!! that could be done with her character !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is overshadowed by haha what if she was sexy like STOPPPPPPPPPPPP.

like silence in the library was a really good character lead in & i like her!!! as a character !!!! even the overly flirtatiousness unfortunately that would work on me but even aside from that. she is a good character let down but the sheer pull-it-out-of-your-ass writing of her backstory. like?? she could regenerate cos she was conceived in the tardis okay thats really cool much weirder stuff has happened when it comes to tardises & making babies but then WE SeE THIS FOR LIKE. ONE OR TWO EPISODES BEFORE THEYRE LIKE WHOOPS THAT DOESNT WORK ACTUALLY COS SHE'S DEAD UHHH SHE BETTER UHMM IDK SAVE TH E DOCTOR OR SOMETHING WHATEVER> COS HER ENTIRE LIFE HAS TO REVOLVE AROUND HIM. HASHTAG MARRIAGE AMIRITE like even the fact that her entire life was shaped around him isnt a Bad Idea it just feels like no one considered the tragic impies (implications) of this, & simultaneously doing amy so dirty in the process as well like??? she loses baby mels & then discovers she was her (never previously mentioned) childhood friend but then she uhhhh dies & turns into this woman you already know and them????? barely eveer mention it again???? holy shit?????????????????????? amy & river is a freaking horror story but one that the writers seem imcapable of dealing with because sOMEONE is too busy making obnoxious jokes about married life

a lot of thsi is specific to the General Vibes of the eleven era stuff as well which was in general so so weird about women & while its not like twelve or any of teh other doctors are expemt from this eleven is a massive dick to people quite a bit & a lot of this falls on river b/c he is seemingly (iirc i havent seen some of this stuff for a while though it Haunts Me) almost careless? with her? like a sort of 'welllllll she's here now so it was all okay in the end :)' sort of attitude ignoring that she went through A Fuckton Of Stuff before she was even a concious human(mostly??) being

even the husbands of river song is tragically guilty of some of that stuff like. she's seen some wild shit & she should have known it was twelve wayyyyyy way way quicker. like i understand why she didnt for plot reasons but she is in fact very intellegent like. she's allowed to show that. unfortunatley sometimes women cant be smart & have their boobs out at that same time I GUESSSSSSSSS

also the nine & river audios from earlier this year? i really like archipelago i listened to that a couple of times & i thought it was really powerful but AGAIN the writers make river So Fucking Obsessed With Romance like. you'd let it go by that point. nine had literally just proved he's the most aro guy in the universe (good for him) and shes stillllllll flirting at him. which. imo she wouldnt do anymore because, shock horror, she does actually like him as a person & values his company and you would think you would be friends wit hthe guy YOU ARE GONG TO MARRY OR WHATEVER. NOT THAT THEIR MARRIAGE WAS PARTICULARLY ROMANTIC EITHERIM GONNA BE SO REAL. obviously sex is important to her & good for her but yikes. it doesnt need to be mentioned so often.

like its the whole 'inherent tragedy of waiting for a time traveller' stuff which i do eat up every time meeting her in silence of the library & knowong that there is so much more there - VERY COMPELLING !! really good character intro augahagaauuaajaaajahhahahahhhh but nooooo her Entire Fucking Goddman Life has to revolve around being manipulated & The Doctor AS WELL AS !! the completely uncalled for ohhhh im a PSYCHOPATH ( <- unfounded & demonstrably untrue lowkey this is saneism right. thats an ableism there yes? ) thing they alllwaysssss have her say like well!! shes not !! theres 'youre talking about commiting a murder'/'no im not, i'm actually commiting a murder' which i like & is funny & she would say that and then theres teh vauge oooohhhhh im so Freaky & I Have A Gun or whatevr like augsugsaihuahahaouoauauoouauoauoauoauuo

also twelve & river had freaky t4t bi4bi aroallo sex after the end of husbands of river song but no actual dw writer is enlightened enough to see that because they have to flatten her into The Doctors Wife & she would have had a far better dynamic with 12 than with 11 (not that i'm biased) i wish they got more time togetherrrrrrrrrrr also you should listen to the bekdel test (diary of river song audio with missy)

[girlreblogger]

also to add to my previous post, when i say blk yn go through crazy situations im exaggerating but i mean (“cause me personally!!!!!!!!!!!”) allowing the character to be treated in certain manner and be put in “awkward” positions. i also want to say that the “situations” seem unfulfilling like i wanted to say in the first place.

because of the unsavory situations she is put in she legit has to have characteristics that are straight up unnecessary if the wellbeing of her character was prevalent. and i have to say that because of blk yn stories that it applies to. (and no ian talking abt how ppl be complaining abt yn being “ghetto” 😒)

drama, comfort, or for fun, is cool and dandy but it’s the same type of thing and i’m not tryna come for the plug stories like don’t nbgaf like omg i’m so tired of hearing bout them freaking stories.

to the ppl who still decide to ignore how damaging fr CERTAIN! blk yn fics y’all remind me of the ppl who support tyler perry movies simply because it’s for entertainment and “he’s telling a story” (that not everyone has)

yep. those things are true but an impact worse than good is being produced. like bffr.

and i feel conflicted by even saying that because some ppl obviously genuinely relate or find comfort in those stories but at what cost. like is comfort worth change and progression?

me rn:

some ppl just really don’t gaf and don’t care to want better. please don’t let the ppl who don’t gaf sway you. for the ppl who do, reblog nice fics or write. blow them up so other blk girls can find them. we deserve it.

there are so many blk fics where yn is not going through those things and if there is “drama” is solved or there’s a healthy resolve. (there’s so many blk writers who need to be publishing books fuck tumblr or ao3 and tryna get reblogs. with all that talent girl MAKE SOME MONEYYYY! YALL STUFF BE GOOD.)

i’m dead serious. why haven’t you thought abt it.

but yeah. it is what it is we have to put more work in to change as people in general. but i really just want my ppl to grow. ppl find comfort in fics for a reason. i really think a good balance of what everyone is looking for and needs should be found. i know ppl gonna feel like ppl telling them what to do but they prolly the ones who don’t want the change for wtv.. reason… ahem..

ppl feeling hit by what i said:

there’s obviously a problem and as a ppl! why can’t we just fix it. like at least try.

side note:

there’s so many ways to get drama. also the smut after arguing piss me off this is off topic cause it applies to a lot of ppl who make fics but like damn. y’all ain’t gon talk it out. and it be the most weird arguments and stuff and you wanna squeeze lemons after that???

idk that annoys me like everyyyy time? and i think smut after arguments can be well written but ….

anyways the blk ff community to damn big for us to be sitting here starving acting like we don’t have food in the refrigerator to make something.

get it together yall. youn want what’s in the refrigerator go get your keys and buy something.

i’m tired of this shit that’s why so many blk writers stop writing or ppl stop reading because it’s too much going on all for some damn fake characters we wanna imagine ourselves with.

and i know for some ppl it’s abt the followers and all that which i mean to each is own i mean

sigh i was tryna be proper and cordial but i really want better for us but it’s so many ppl who go too far or do too little. and some are so sheep that they go with someone else’s opinion too. you know you tired of all the toxic fics say sumn. you know you tired of ppl constantly bringing up yn being ghetto for no reason (that shit piss me off so bad i can’t. they be so close but so farr) say sumn.

me after thinking someone finna bring up how unnecessary struggle love/toxic/extra smutty blk fics are but they end up just complaining abt yn using aave:

anyways i’m ranting. i wanted to say what i felt.

muah

[suusoh]

Something something Johan slowly warming up to sex because of the implications of entering you something something bodies merging something something the last frontier of physical intimacy even if it doesn’t do much for him physically initially.

Words are not my forte but like before he figures out he enjoys putting his pp in you it might appeal to him just for the connotations of “entering” the person he loves/wants to possess. And then maybe he figures out he enjoys the physical sensation as well.

I imagine this slow progression from your post about the reader getting horny to him losing his shit about getting horny then once he’s done freaking out he still hates the fact that he’s horny. But the unexpected erections allow a very small little idea about fucking you, which he ignores for a while. But then the idea of that makes him consider the act of penetration and the implications, maybe reading/consuming content about it which describes its appeal. And little by little romanticizing it not in the normal way someone would, but in the “i have access to every part of you, every crevice” “this is as close as we can physically get” way idk if you get what i mean but. While the horror of being horny doesn’t go away, he gets a little bit, slowly, tempted to try it.

Looking at it not through the lens of pleasure, but his weird little tendency to blur the lines between himself and the people he loves which he (obviously) already does in terms of identity, but wow with you (and the power of his new dick-hardening ability haha kill me) he can do it physically. It’s not the same as the “we’re literally the same person” thing but there’s smth there idkkk i can’t describe my thoughts well. Anyway that way he can justify consider the act without admitting the extent of his humanity or stuff.

uh-huh! Once he gets over his somewhat aversion to it, and once he's accepted his attraction with you mentally, emotionally, sexually, and finally— physical manifestations of those attractions (as much as he loathes the fact that he's experiencing it) he'd still be interested, with feeling this for the first time with you. I think after a loooooooooooooonnnggg long long long while of finally getting over his view, he'd just let his sexual frustration boil over and finally go to you and be like "please help me with this condition of mine". (said condition just being his pp going hard, but johan treats it like it's some disease lmao).

I think a part of him is like still reeling and hating himself for letting himself get this like.... low?? I don't want to say low but like, it's like definitely a fall from grace from his perfect, non-human, "untouchable being" state.

But another part is overwhelmed and overheating and melting in the inside from just how... how good this feels. It feels so good, too good. it makes him feel... real again for some reason. Like everything around him, your body, the air, the room, the whole world is suddenly so tangible, and it's like he's seeing how beautiful you are to him all over again, and shit he should be thankful— wait why is he feeling thankful? whatever, he is thankful that he's here with you and you're here with him and he's doing this human experience with you, and holy shit holy shit holy shitshit shit shit is it supposed to feel this good? God.... if this is what being human feels like, he doesn't think he could ever return to being a nameless monster again.

[itsbeenclaireified]

Please tell us why your mom yelled at the tour guide. I crave tales of traveling woe.

Okay so context: we were supposed to take a bullet train from Tokyo to Kyoto. And our itinerary basically just says that. In fact our itinerary on all days just lists what we’re doing but not like…what time we have to be anywhere etc. So every day our tour guide Alice will be like “tomorrow be in the hotel lobby by 8:45 am, our bus will arrive at 9 am” and then we’d depart some random time after that because sometimes the bus was 15 minutes late or like whatever happened. And the rest of the day would basically be a mystery of like well idk how long it takes to get to that shrine (usually an hr) but I guess we’ll see that!

So the night before our bullet train we are in the bus for like 2.5 hrs driving back in the typhoon, and it’s been a weird day because like half what what we “would see” we couldn’t see because of the rain. Like we couldn’t see the gardens at this kimono museum because of the rain and we couldn’t see mount Fiji thru the clouds, and the kimono museum wasn’t quite what was expected because only like…15(?) kimonos we’re on display and the artist who had made them had made over 100. So I think we all expected to see more like…30? And like the ones he was really famous for weren’t on display and you couldn’t take photos, so it was just a different experience than expected.

So we get back to our hotel and Alice announces that we need to have our bags outside our hotel room by 9 am so the porters can take them, and that we should be checked out of the room by 9:45 am and down in the lobby to verify our bags made it downstairs before the porters then ship them so we don’t have to carry them on the train. And we need to let Alice know how many bags because they will only take up to 50 bags (note there are 32 people on this trip and most of them are in their 70s, and several have mobility issues).

And we’re sitting there like…porters are going to take our bags? This is news to us. And also what does a bag mean? The three of us (mom, sister, myself) each have a carry-on duffel bag and a large roller bag that we had checked on the international flight. And also I will mention that like 2 days before we left for LA my mom is texted me about the size requirements for a bag on the trains (and also a confusing text about some meds that aren’t allowed to be carried into Japan, and it wasn’t a medication I was on so it took me a second) and I had a mild freak out about how to pack and what was I going to be able to use/carry etc. And all of this could have been avoided if it had been communicated in our itinerary.

So anyway, Alice says let me know if you have questions after we get off the bus. So after we get off I calmly ask Alice what is the definition of a bag? Like should we also not carry our carry-on bags? Is the expectation that we have no bags? Or do we just give her our checked bags?

Well Alice doesn’t understand. She’s like well how many bags do you have? And I again explain, a soft sided carry on and a roller bag and also a purse, so which ones are the porters expecting? And it’s around this time my mom bursts in mad that it wasn’t outlined in the itinerary that anyone would take our bags in the first place and why hasn’t it been brought up before we got here? Because if she knew ahead of time she might have packed differently.

Alice looks at us confused, it should all be in our itinerary. And I explain that it’s not, but before I can show her my mom blurts out again that a lot of things aren’t in our itinerary so that doesn’t seem to be the best place to get information.

And my mom is like big mad in this moment. This is a moment that has been building since we arrived a couple days before. My mom is a planner and loves travel (and we also suspect to be on the autism spectrum so never does well when things don’t go according to plan when she’s disregulated, but take that will the grain of salt that goes with me not being a medical doctor), so she’s been annoyed that Alice our tour guide has been frazzled for the last 3 days. Because this is Alice’s job! And my mom volunteers at the airport once a week, because she loves travel! So it had been especially hard for her to watch Alice just get absolutely frazzled having to count 31 people every time we get back on the bus, and she wastes our time on different shopping opportunities by reminding us to either be back by the specified time or she’ll just assume we want more time to shop and then we’ll be left and we’ll have to find our own way back to the hotel (no problem when you’re a 15 minute taxi away).

But anyway, big mad mom is laying into Alice about the other times the itinerary hasn’t matched what we do. Like when we landed on day one it said we’d stop for lunch, get a panoramic tour, and then drive to the hotel and have dinner. But our flight landed at 4:40 pm and we had to do customs and stuff so obviously we just drove straight to the hotel and we only had dinner at 8 pm. Which was fine, but was an example of how the itinerary doesn’t appear connected to what we’re actually doing. And Alice is confused because she’s not the one that made the itinerary, because she’s just a contractor for this company we booked with so she has no control about what happened before we arrived.

So i start to get nervous we’re going to make enemies with Alice the way my mom is yelling. Because also before the trip, the tour company had sent out a new condition that we could be “dismissed” from the trip if we weren’t fun to travel with. And Alice is really not understanding my mom’s concerns about having a stranger control her bag when she didn’t know ahead of time (Alice’s response is: you do know ahead of time, I’m telling you now).

And also for context my mom has been doomsday predicting we’re going to get kicked off this trip because she has had a couple of instances in her career where her failure to “play nice with others” eventually got her let go from jobs (was it sexism also? Yes. Can my mom navigate group dynamics and relationships? No.) And I, her social butterfly / corporate ladder daughter, has been like we’ll be fine I’ll balance us out and smooth things over.

Which now I’m seeing there’s a high probability we will not be fine.

I swoop in with the charisma I inherited from my dad and try to sooth feathers: We’re just worried that our group will have more than 50 bags with the criteria Alice has specified (Alice herself has 3 roller bags that she had pushed around the airport). We’re just worried there’s an email we’re not getting with information explaining things like this baggage carrier. Oh there’s not other information? Well maybe we could be alerted of activities as soon as Alice knows it? Maybe she could email us all the information.

And you can see Alice is less bristly when she looks at me, and she’s more on the defensive when she looks at my mom. And I basically am like verbally elbowing my mom with like “I think it’ll be fine, we just want to know what the plan is in the future.”

I can tell my mom is mad that Alice is not admitting she was wrong, or apologizing to my mom for being a bad guide. It’s actually unclear what my mom is hoping Alice will say, she’s just snapping at her. And I would like us to part ways before my mom says something we can’t walk back. And I can’t say that I think Alice is doing a good job either, but she is our guide and she is in a position of authority over us in that she has all the information and we need to get it from her.

So we break apart with Alice promising to send out an email later. And my mom is grumbling the whole time up to our room.

Once back in our room my mom snaps again about how incompetent Alice is and how nothing makes sense. And my sister also agrees with my mom. I made the mistake of trying to be like well let’s just try to put it behind us and just go with the flow. To which my mom yelled at me to “shut up and just let us vent!!”. Which is her right to do, vent.

I was just leaning more into our family’s motto that comes from years of doing RAGBRAI that’s “if you’re not having fun, lower your expectations”. And this trip has been a dream of my moms for yearssss and I had felt insane pressure to ensure that it lived up to that expectation because my family taught me to tiptoe around my mom and always make sure she was having a good time (spoiler: all the back-bending in the world cannot ensure that).

So now chastised I sit there quietly and try not to cry, as my mom vents to my sister. When she’s done, my sister says it’s time for dinner and should we go to 7-11 which is close. My mom decides that she will yet again not eat dinner because she isn’t hungry at all (there’s been a couple days like this). So my sister and I go out to 7-11 ourselves.

There we got a selection of things to eat, text my mom if she wants us to bring her anything (no, but then when we ask if she wants dessert she says yes to some flan). And I tell my sister that I just can’t do anything right, and how does she go thru life not carrying what our mother thinks of her actions? So we also vent, and hypothesize about our mom is in sensory overload, out of her routine, and is also becoming increasingly irrational as she eats less each day.

I feel better but also have accepted that I will not receive an apology for this outburst, so I will just have to do whatever it takes to put it behind me so as not to ruin the trip.

We go back to the room and while my sister is in the bathroom, my mom apologies for embarrassing me. It takes me a second to realize she means in front of Alice. And I say, it’s okay it’s understandable to feel that way since nothing had been clear.

We move on from this weird spot in the trip and my sister and I secretly text/Snapchat each other to vent when my mom isn’t looking. I also start to get Covid symptoms the next day (hindsight) and my mom always weirdly rebounds from her grizzly moods when someone else is sick/not having a good time.

Not because she like…takes care of you? It’s just like a weird thing my sister and I noticed that she’ll be weirdly chipper when other people are miserable. Like the Christmas my paternal grandma was dying my dad got food poisoning from shrimp cocktail, couldn’t eat the food he spent all day cooking, and was violently throwing up while we played a card game in the living room and my mom to this day says it was one of the best Christmases we’ve had. I however think of it as one of the worst.

So anyway, I started to get sick and my mom started to become more chipper. I will also say the bullet train that got delayed like 12 hrs, did allow us to have a couple unstructured hours in Tokyo, and my mom hates being told what to do so maybe it was the free time that helped. She also started eating actual full meals probably the next day.

But yeah, that was perhaps more detail that you wanted but there you go, I can’t resist the full color of the story.

[livvyofthelake]

1, 4, 8, 18, 19 <333 a lot but I love the way you hate 🫂

1) the character everyone gets wrong

i already said arthur but since you didn’t specify a fandom i will use this space to complain about the shadowhunter chronicles <3 nobody on earth understands my girl isabelle lightwood it’s sick and twisted. i can’t even think about how bad the tv show fumbled her it makes me so angry i want to start screaming. like. congratulations everyone you fell for the femme fatale front she was putting up… even the people who were supposed to be writing her and understanding her character it’s ridiculous like none of that is what cassie wrote and i read…

4) what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

again i already answered this but one time i blocked someone because their icon looked really weird and they spam liked and it freaked me out seeing their icon so much. me when i’m so normal and nice i guess.

8) common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

WHEN BBC MERLIN FANS. actually i could finish this answer right there couldn’t i… no i’ll finish for real. when bbc merlin fans are like ohhhh why did the show do (insert widely known story beat from centuries of legends) like girl it was ALWAYS going to happen that way that’s the point….. mordred was always going to turn on arthur, morgana was always going to become evil, etc. yes there are issues with HOW the show did that stuff (meaning they did it in such stupid ways it’s laughable) but that’s the story… it’s BEEN set come on…

18) it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

can i say that i think all fandoms (on tumblr) really sleep on straight ships or is that an insane thing to say. like sometimes i don’t care if that man was homoerotic with his pal and it’s insane that you care more about that than his awesomely written relationship with his girlfriend/ex fiancée/some kind of love interest. ok this is about izombie this is about liv and major. i don’t care about major and ravi!!!!!!! major and liv are literally endgame grow up!!!! but no this is also true for every fandom ever. the way people ignore a man’s canonical female love interest if he has even one ounce of gay tension with some other dude in the show is ridiculous idk

19) you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

i guess i’m supposed to say ben barnes shadow and bone here or whatever. but i’m not actually mad about it because i’m a born apologist and knew this would happen. but i feel like i’m supposed to not like him. or i’m supposed to like him but righteous fandom people think it’s activism to not like him and therefore they would hate me sooo much because i formulate my own opinions with nuance and depth or whatever. also rumplestiltskin once upon a time. robert carlyle you got to me man… i could write essay length posts about that character actually don’t get me started. also i finished this question, saved the draft, and then another ask reminded me of the wilds, so i should also add that in hindsight i’m very embarrassed about the way i acted about the wilds season 2…. like i can’t believe you all let me act like that about men. in the feminist lord of the flies show…. why was i allowed to do that seriously that was sick….

[gorematchala]

I think my final verdict on FFXV is that it sucks really bad but, as a movie, I like watching it suck cuz theres good stuff in there, and its just kinda fascinating overall

The game has absolutely no value to me in terms of actual gameplay. It's got bad combat on top of tedious open world bullshit. Don't care. But as movies on youtube...

Kingsglaive is actually kinda good, but that may be biased by the fact that Aaron Paul is the lead, and also that I watched it immediately after Advent Children which is the worst garbage ever. The story has two plot threads that proceed in a logical manner and then converge at the 70% mark and resolve in a satisfying conclusion. Thats all I can ask of a film. Advent Children sucks so bad I still can't believe it after 48 entire hours

The main game movie is mostly inoffensive even though it only kinda makes sense? It's totally fine once you get what's happening, but there isn't enough information in there. But I like Noctis, and Ardyn is the best. There are other characters as well

Episode Gladiolus is nothing

Episode Prompto was shockingly bad, like holy fuck. The shit opens on 3 minutes of walking in the snow, followed by Metal Gear, then Prompto has a meltdown because he finds out he was grown in a tube, which doesnt really seem to do anything for him. Like he isn't extra strong as a result or anything. So he tries to burn his barcode off and hes screaming and crying in the snow while I'm sitting here remembering how little of a fuck Noctis and them give when he tells them. Like all this shit happens and hes freaking out and they go yeah who cares. Then he spends 25 minutes shooting an RE5 turret at a big worm. Awful

Episode Ignis was kinda cool. I like Ravus well enough and Ignis is at least capable and good at what he does if nothing else. I think I came around on him despite his britishness because Prompto is annoying and Gladio is kind of an asshole for no reason randomly. And the realest moment in the whole base game is the two of them arguing over whether or not Ignis should be allowed to travel with them like he isn't there listening to them. That and Gladio dealing with his own frustration about everything that happened at Altissia by yelling at Noctis for being sad while Ignis is blind. Basically using Ignis's situation as justification to vent on someone. In the middle of this weird chopped up shell of a plot they take a moment to very accurately portray how the people around someone will often make their newfound disability about them. It was neat

Episode Ardyn was both the best and worst part of the whole plot. It justifies his motivation and shows you exactly how we got where we did, but at the same time, it sucks when Bahamut explains that none of this matters because it was preordained by fate. It made me feel for Ardyn because he almost existed outside that fate but was still bound by it. Cursed to spend his whole life waiting for Noctis to be born and kill him, just because that's the hand he was dealt by his own brother. Or was it his brother? Was it fate? Where did the plague come from? Why does melting people give him their memories? Why can he sometimes stop time? Who decided upon this prophecy? Why was Ardyn made the embodiment of darkness? Why did killing him solve the problem?

The whole thing is stupid when you view it as a series of events that happen just because they have to. But there's still something about it that makes me want to like it. Maybe it's just the ghost of Versus XIII. The promise of spending the game walking around that city instead of driving through the desert. Idk. But at the end of the day, Noctis is really good in Theatrhythm and he's fun to play as in Tekken, so I guess it was all worth it

[shakapuffin]

^Promo for Alert 1x07 “Shannon”

Alert 1x06 “Tim and Amy” Review

hey everyone! here’s my review of the latest episode of Alert, 1x06 “Tim and Amy”

- so… dare i say it wasn’t horrible… dare i? cause honestly anything is better than whatever last weeks episode was i gotta be honest. but i didn’t think this episode was too bad. okay ya there’s some weird ass blips or whatever but it was pretty good for the track record of this show.

- i’m so happy keith’s finally in freaking therapy!! took way way too long but finally!! but ya the therapist is right, nikki and jason really do need some sessions, even if they’re not together, they need it as parents. we also got a bit more into keith’s kidnapping… kinda?… i hope it opens more conversations for him. also i don’t trust that new kid he’s friends with… idk he just has an odd vibe for me… we shall see!

- the case of the week was actually interesting and different and not weird as hell like last week! i was actually intrigued… weird! i gotta say tho… it might be a bit mean but… i wasn’t a fan of the actors for Tim and Amy (more Tim), im so sorry, they tried but i just don’t think it was it. but besides that, i thought the case was interesting with the new twist of physically going out into the wilderness and finding people. also side note but why doesn’t jason have an actual police issued gun or anything else besides that little pistol?!

- i gotta say tho… the beginning was promising, even th middle was good but what the hell happened at the end?! they were stuck in the cabin, mike was literally bleeding out, jason promises to get Cam and then bam!! they’re at headquarters! i feel like we missed a whole step there! like i get it, u can’t fit everything in but you have to plan that in the beginning and pace it out so u can show those moments! idk i just think i wanted more of how they physically got out and whatever happened to those guys who blew up. but ya it’s only 45 mins and it’s hard to fit everything in.

- i thought kemi’s story was interesting tonight… kinda a cool personal one for her to explore. my only thing about it is how would she 1) be allowed to work on a task force that specializes in missing people when she was literally kidnapped or something herself and 2) how does nikki not know, like doesn’t she have her file as the head of the missing persons unit? okay i’m definitely just being picky here lol! but her story is interesting… i just wish we could focus more on keith and that whole situation first before we get too deep into others.

- i’m sorry but what was going on with C? who was that girl? what? all of his storylines are such throwaway plot points!! like there was literally no need for any of that whole flirting (??) exchange to happen. i’m just so confused with that part, like are we ever gonna see that girl again? bruh!! stop wasting valuable TV time for nonsense storylines!!

- okay skipping back to the end… nikki somehow flew all the way out there in the middle of a storm after the search and rescue people literally said that they can’t go back out after they drop jason and mike off? okay, you know what i can look past that… but i can’t look past the bomb?!?! what?! how the hell did nikki just make a freaking bomb out of nothing!! what!! like where did that come from?! and then she goes on a whole ass speech about her life and idk being suicidal? huh? i get that shes trying to convince the bad guys that she would push the trigger but it was just so out of character for her idk. and then it’s never talked about again for the rest of the episode… like jason u heard the whole thing, don’t u think u should ask what that whole tangent was about!!

- on the other hand, i was a fan of jason showing off his first aid skills, he’s appreciated now! scott was great with that too, he took over the scene!

- i also wasn’t a fan of the reunion between mike and nikki… did it seem kinda awkward to anyone else?? okay so they’re back together.. can we just keep it that way! please! no more going back and forth, just pick a lane and go!! also idk if i like them together… that’s probs just me tho!

- side note: i do like the ending with jason talking to a therapist.. it’s a bit of character development for him just in one episode! okay i’m a fan! let’s see jason in therapy!

- i’m sad we didn’t see sidney… like where was she? and how did no one else really mention her? i’m kinda assuming she’s just living at jason’s house? but idk anymore! i also need to know more about june.. just what exactly is happening there?! it’s been a few episodes since we’ve last seen her! this is the problem with a lot of procedurals (or maybe just this show), they add a character/storyline in that is actually vital for the plot to move forward and then they don’t ever bring that character/storyline back!

- i really loved scott this week… he literally shined! yes i’m bias but he was really good this episode! i’m still not super impressed with dania.. sorry… her whole speech at the end when she had the bomb was just so weird to me… i think she tried to come across as angry or something but it just didn’t work for me. sorry dania. i like adeola role, she interesting! i liked ryan broussard this week, i thought he did good acting out being shot and everything else that comes along with that. i wasn’t a fan of C, i think it’s mainly because i don’t like the character of C and just don’t understand him. and then i really like the actor who plays keith, i think he’s bringing it most episodes!

okay once again, i’ve rambled on long enough! those are just my opinions… i’m definitely looking way too deep into this show but we only have a few episodes left so why not?! haha! and i like reviewing things, especially with scott being involved!

what did u guys think of this weeks episode? let me know if i missed anything!! i tried being more positive lol… not sure if it worked!! anyways, i luv reading other opinions!

[fizzingwizard]

sims nonsense

first of all, why do i, the tenant, care what my unit rating is. second of all the compensation for enduring a ghost throwing the radiator around in your apartment is $20?? lol

the event didn't even work. ghost appeared, i confronted her. she ignored me. the option to confront againt was grayed out "till later." she went into the radiator. at that moment, my sim's oven caught fire. the ghost came out of the radiator to freak out about the fire, then never came back. the event ended without me ever seeing her again.

using your laptop to keep your eggs and toast warm... work smart not hard

i cant make her stop doing this lol she has a perfectly good dining table but every now and then she'll put her food on the laptop instead. i'm gonna switch it out for a regular computer and hopefully then the game registers that there's already an item in that spot

tfw you're lured into a life of crime by santa claus??

last but not least, whatever tf this is:

why did she get on her bike indoors

why did she vanish

where is she lol the bike spazzed by itself for a while there

reset didn't work. changing her outfit fixed it but i couldn't find her to do it for a while... in the end i made her take a shower and that brought her back when she changed her clothes.

this was during a trash overload event and i'm annoyed that it's not apparently prompted by anything the tenant does. my sim had only been living in her house for a couple days, she likes alone with two foxes. she hadn't accumulated that much trash. the trash just materializes wherever it wants. and when she went to clean it up, she only managed to get three of the trash heaps, because the others vanished??? i don't mean after some time had passed. they appeared, then almost immediately were gone. it happened in winter so i wondered if they got buried under the snow, but i couldnt figure out how to get them out. anyway i still passed the event for whatever reason

having lots and lots and lots and lotssss of bugs with this game. game crashed a bunch and i had to repair it once when i was getting not expanded to ops error. that isnt funny. but what is funny is how the game keeps losing track of the property owner. it always thinks he's at people's houses when he's clearly on the porch of his own home. and if you invite the property owner over he does not come. he's successfully arrived (without being invited) a total of one time so far. for a while any time i switched to him, he had 0 social. idk why. and i keep getting the option, when i want to switch to him, to switch to his cat. he lives alone and the game consistently thinks he's not at home even when he is, so if i click him i'm taken to a neighbor's house that the game thinks he's at. but i'm allowed to click the cat who is at home for some reason, and find the property owner there. no idea whats going on here except i think it's clear the sims team did NOT check if this pack would work with other dlc. it's not like i'm trying to do anything weird here. we're talking bout seasons and pets. if that can mess things up so much it was not ready to launch - or should have launched with a warning that you should only buy it if the only other sims 4 content you have is the base game x'D

[i-arch-my-backula]

Billy Lenz x Masc reader

This is gonna be some hurt/comfort type stuff because well I need comfort rn. Gonna be pretty much based on shit that went down like earlier with me but idk man I just cope this way ig

Synopsis: Y/N is hanging out with his friends and his boyfriend Billy. Y/N’s friends aren’t the best people and Billy kinda has to stand up for Y/N.

Warning: Mentions of self harm and self harm scars, homophobic slurs used, Violence mentioned, just verbal and emotional abuse in general. Billy says ‘pretty piggy’ once but it’s in a loving way. Other stuff I probably missed too.

Your friends had come over, Ashely and Elliot. You insisted to Billy not to mention that the two of you are dating before hand. Thankfully he listened. The four of you are on the couch talking. Ashley and Elliot are dating and they love it rub it in your face. Ashley is sitting on Elliot’s lap while you and Billy sit next to each other. Billy noticed a change around you before they came. Putting things away that showed your interest in things and changing out of your usual clothes going for something more basic. But of course they had to criticize it. “So Y/N are you sure you wanna wear shorts?” Ashely asks. You look down at your legs and back up and nod.

“Yeah I am.” You reply. She chuckles and so does Elliot.

“It’s just everyone will see you know. Those scars and think you’re some depressed loser. Or know you’re an attention whore.” She replies referring to your self harm scars. They’ve been healed for a long time now but she knows it’s still a sensitive subject.

“Billy doesn’t, I mean I don’t mind.” Billy says putting a hand on your thigh.

“Yeah well I mean of course you wouldn’t mind. No offense you’re just a bit off.” Elliot comments. Billy goes to reply but Ashley cuts him off.

“So Y/N still no girlfriend? It’s gonna be a bit awkward when we go to beach for vacation don’t you think?” She says.

“Oh I was thinking I could bring Billy.” You say. Elliot scoffs. Billy gets a bit shakey.

“ Y/N we do this every year. We only allow partners to go with us you know?” Elliot says.

“Well you brought Katlin a few times.”

“Well that’s different.” Ashley says. She gets closer and whispers something in your ear. “She’s also not an absolute weirdo and just well you know she’s pretty hot.” Billy heard this and starts bouncing his leg. Ashley goes back to Elliot and kisses his cheek. She goes in and kisses him full on.

“Billy doesn’t like this.” Billy says in your ear.

“I know just suck it up they’ll be gone soon enough.” You whisper back. Ashley pulls away and gives a fake smile. 

“So Y/N still saving up for that liposuction we talked about?” She “playfully” slaps your thigh but it’s hard enough to leave a mark. You wince and Billy goes to grab your hand but you have to push it away.

“Oh are you two dating? I didn’t know you were a fag Y/N. I thought you were a normal guy.” Elliot comments. You feel tears start to swell and you just chuckle. Billy’s frustration growing.

“Nope I’m not dating him. Just roommates you know?” You say.

“I’ll be right back.” Billy say’s getting up. You shoot him a worried look and he keeps his face blank. He walks out of the room and Ashley turns back to you. 

“How can you stand to live with him? He’s so well you know weird.” She comments. You put on a polite smile. 

“He’s not that weird really, he just functions different than most people. It doesn’t mean he’s some freak.” 

“It kinda does. He’s like probably dangerous.” Elliot says holding Ashley tighter. 

“If you feel uncomfortable around him then you can leave.” You say. Ashley gets a bitter look on her face. 

“But we’re your friends. You selfish fag, I’m the one who stopped you from self harming.” You feel the tears coming back. 

“You told me I was doing it for attention. You said I should cut the fat out of my body instead.” Billy comes back into the room. You notice the outline of a pocket knife in his pocket.

“Leave now please.” He says. Elliot scoffs. 

“No Y/N wants us here.” He says. 

“I don’t, please leave.” You say as the tears start to fall. 

“You’re kidding me.” Ashley say.

“ I said get the fuck out.” Billy says.

Ashley stands up and storms off. 

“Fucking fags.” Elliot mutters and leaves. Billy sits on the couch as you keep crying. He pulls you into his lap and hugs you. 

“It’s ok Y/N. Billy’s here. Billy will help.” You cry into his chest, wetting his green sweater. “I’ll deal with them later pretty piggy. Don’t you worry.” You spend a long time in his arms. Crying and crying. Billy pets your head and kisses your forehead. You end up falling asleep in his arms and the next morning he makes you breakfast. 

[lorenfangor]

the Anigirls AU has me thinking a lot about how Aximili basically is allowed to get away with a lot of stuff because his human morph is male and he genders himself as male to the other Animorphs, and what would change if he were forced to pass as a girl

he’s not going to be a girl in Anigirls and the biggest reason why is that if he were a female Andalite he wouldn’t be allowed in the military in the same way (Estrid does get to be an (honorary) aristh, and we’re never explicitly told that Andalite females can’t join, but Aximili is too young for the GalaxyTree mission and only there because Elfangor pulled some strings. If Aximili were a female, that wouldn’t have happened, we’d see her turn up later in the series) but the second biggest reason why is because I want to explore somebody who’s coming from a more obvious place of privilege reacting to a lack of privilege

in an all-girl group, Ax has to have a girl morph. especially considering the time and place and overall socioeconomic demographic. if he were male in human morph, he’d be relentlessly bullied as gay, since he’s hanging out with all girls. that’s just the baseline, though. Ax in an all-girl Animorphs team would have to learn how to be human, and learn fast. thing is, he gets away with being weird and androgynous in canon because he’s got Tobias and Jake and Marco with him and because even if he looks somewhat ambiguous he still gets clocked as a boy by other humans. teenage boys have the privilege of just doing weird shit and being accepted - Ax doesn’t face lasting consequences for the movie theater incident, or the Cinnabon tray incident, or the time he tried to order Starbucks. he can be weird in public, he can even talk about how the girls can’t have his body, and the most anybody ever does is think he’s strange and move on.

girl!Aximili (let’s call her Millie like in Anigirls), though? he’s under an intense amount of scrutiny, from the start. he has to learn to talk like other girls, how to dress like other girls, how to control himself around food. he’s got to go to fashion school, and master idioms and language quickly, and every mistake is costly from a social and espionage perspective. he’s not only risking her own cover, he’s risking the social prestige of the girls he’s with - they’ll become targets for bullying from other girls if she’s visibly strange enough and they can’t protect her. even if he’s with extremely popular pretty girls, they can’t afford to let him be too weird in girl morph. he’d damage their armor, because part of maintaining popularity is continuing to perform femininity to the right standards and keep up with the trends, and that includes only surrounding yourself with other people dedicated to that goal.

how would this manifest in the narrative? he’d be quieter, more nervous, more worried about mistakes. he’d learn to mask everything more effectively, and learn to repress the aspects of himself that would out him as a Weirdo or a Freak or a Psycho Bitch. he’d be much more of a Spock or a Data, erudite and cold and detached. but also, he’d probably find a more warm and welcoming friend group - he’d spend a lot more time with all of the members of the team learning how to be a human girl, and the experience would be stressful and dangerous and spark a lot of bonding between them. he’d gain a greater understanding of what it is to be a human female, which would also allow him to reflect on Andalite sexism in new and more helpful ways.

idk it’s really interesting to me that so much of his iconic strangeness only got to happen because he chose to be male in human form; there should be more conversations about that.

[shoftiiel]

bound to you: 13

"why didn't you tell me?"

synopsis: y/n is the new girl in town, she would like to escape from her past and begin a new life without any romance drama, but what happens when she caught the attention of a certain boy who happens to be one of her brother’s best friends.

word count: 1.1 k

warnings: some cusing, kind of angsty

a/n: sorry if there are any mistakes, so this is my fisrt time trying to write angst so it migth be kind of idk weird¿¿¿

<< | masterlist | >>

Why was Jake being so upset about it? I did nothing wrong, or did i? Maybe I should have told him? Those thoughts had been stuck in your head all day, but everytime someone looked at you, your expression changed quickly, you couldn't allow yourself to let anyone see you were not okay. You have been doing this your whole life, it was tiring to be honest, but you did not want to burden anyone with your problems. The bell rang indicating that the last class was over, as you walked in the hall someone approached you.

“hey y/n” it was heeseung, “just checking, we are meeting today right?”

“yes” he was probably checking because you canceled yesterday, cute you thought “i'm just going to my dorm to take a quick shower and grab my notes on the project”

“okay, see you in a bit” heeseung said as he waved at you, you couldn't put your finger on it but there was something with heeseung, you have never had a conversation that was not related to school and yet he treated you as if he had known you for years, it's probably because he is friends with jake you thought was you headed back to your dorm.

your phone had been buzzing like crazy all day, it was jake. To be honest you did not want to talk to him, he was being overprotective, usually it didn't bother you but this time he had gone a little too far. This was the first time you and Jake had a big fight, of course you did fight a lot but it was over small things like hat program to watch or if you had stolen his clothes, eventually he came around and gave you what you wanted, he hated not talking to you, but this time was different, obviously there was something else behind and you ghoting him definitely did not help, not at all.

You took a quick shower, put on some makeup so that it wasn't obvious that you had been crying, grabbed your notes, put on your headphones and began walking to where you were supposed to meet heeseung. Too focused on the lyrics of the songs that were sounding in your ears you freaked out when someone grabbed your arm, you looked up and saw Jake, he said something to you that you definitely did not hear because your music was too loud.

“what?” You said you removed your headphones.

“Will you stop ignoring me?” he looked annoyed, which only made you angrier “it is childish” he scoffed.

“I will stop ignoring you when you apologize to me” you looked away , you were not seeing his face but you could clearly feel that he was offended.

“y/n why are you acting like this?” he raised his tone, he had never talked to you like this before, honestly you felt like crying, “why does it bother you so much? i don't understand, you did stuff like this all the time”

“Why didn't you tell me?” he was yelling “What if something happened? ” At this point he was just repeating what he had said yesterday.

“Well nothing happened right?” you couldn’t stop yourself from crying anymore “Jake for the first time in my life i have friends, so sorry if it bothers you, but it's my life and you cant tell me how to fucking live it”

“what do you mean for the first time, back home you never said anything like this”

“maybe because back home I just followed like some lost puppy all the time, I have never had friends of my own and then you left me!” with tears running down your face you looked at him, it broke his soul to see you like this, yet he did not say a word “I was lonely for two whole years Jake, did you know that people only approached me to get close to you! when you left i was completely alone,I had no one”

“y/n… why didn't you tell me?” he reached to you to grab your arm but you flinched at his touch “you never asked did you?” he just stood silent, for what felt like five whole minutes Jake said nothing, he felt like the worst person ever, he was supposed to take care of you, you were his little sister, he had been selfish all those years, it was true, whenever you started talking to someone he scared them away, from his perspective he was protecting you, it had gone to the point were you just stopped trying to make new friends. What bothered him so much was that he thought that you were cutting him out of your world. He wanted to say that he was sorry, but no words left from his lip when he opened his mouth.

you just scoffed “I have somewhere to be” saying that you just left, you were still crying as you walked to the café where you would meet heeseung.

You did not notice that someone had heard the argument you had from afar. Heesegung did not do it on purpose, he was a respectful boy, but to be fair you two had been yelling at each other in the middle of the only way to get to the café, he waited until jake left too, he did not wanted to seem like he was eavesdropping.

When he was close to te café he saw you through the window, you were still crying, he felt like he should do something to comfort you, but he was surprised, as you saw him enter the café your tears stopped, it was as if nothing had happened, you greeted him with your sweet smile, he couldn't process what had just happened, one minute ago you were crying rivers but now you looked as fresh as a flower that had just bloomed. How is that even possible? he thought to himself. He abstained from saying anything because he did not want to make you uncomfortable.

“heeseung over here” he headed to the table. You two stared working on the project and finished it rather fast. “wow y/n! i didn’t think that we would finish this today” he was very surprised. “and look at the time!” he grabbed his phone “I still have an hour left before practice starts”

“Well, what can I say, we make a great team” he giggled at your response “would you like to go to the park?” his question took you by surprise, as you stare at him with you eyes wide open he said “I have some time to spare and I dont think its nice if we stay here, someone might want to use the-the table”

“you have a point” you said laughing at how nervous he sounded when he said that “let's go” you both grabbed your stuff and walked out of the café.

tag list: @ncityy04 @dumbwonpil @markleepooh @papiibuprofen @ghjasksdk @kac-chowsballs @youreverydayzebra @clanggyyy @niafics @witheeseung

[anonymous-dentist]

Hi! I love your fic ''You're Dead'' but I saw your post about not updateing it/turning it into an original piece. As much as I'd love to read it w/ original characters, I'm also very attached to yd!karlnapity :'3 So I wondered - it's due to Dream allegations right? Idk too much (I saw some stuff on twt about it but there were so many re-tellings I'm not sure what is true) but if the allegations turn out false, will you continue the piece? Or maybe I don't know something and it's all been proven true?

(Here’s what I say as of 8:24 a.m. on the 19 of October:)

At this point I legitimately don’t know what’s true and what’s not. What I do know comes right from Dream’s Twitlonger. He did some weird messaging with fans, and- even if they weren’t minors- that’s really freaky. Shitty, even.

This isn’t my first rodeo with this kind of thing. I was an Achievement Hunter and Funhaus fan back in 2020. I also know to always believe the victim and to not believe, say, random fucking people saying things and then immediately leaving.

I’ve never liked Dream. It’s never been a secret. I’ve never watched any of his videos besides the face reveal and I’ve never watched any of his streams because I’ve never liked him. I’ve never defended him outside of saying he isn’t ugly. All the stuff he’s done in the past has been horrible. I firmly believe that you can grow as a person (I know it firsthand), and I’ve always been able to separate art from artist as you can tell by c!Dream being in my fics, but at this point it’s legit just too much. Because even if the allegations are true, the way he handled this plus the Manatreed situation earlier this year plus him, again, admitting to sending weird and very parasocial messages to fans just makes everything he’s touched tainted.

You’re Dead won’t be continued. I have cried over this. It isn’t the most important thing in the world, and the priority here should be with the victim(s?), but it still hit hard yesterday when I realized I’ll never be able to finish my fic.

Even if I was to play devil’s advocate here, I’d say that he’s still too gross. Dream’s character was going to die in the end, anyway, but I’d still have to write and include him in the second half of the fic, and I’m. Not doing that. So it can never be continued even if the allegations are somehow false. It sucks and I’m heartbroken. There, I said it, but it isn’t worth hours and hours of seeing his name there. He doesn’t deserve even a single hit on the Google search bar.

But! I really like the new concepts I have for You’re Dead: the Remake. It’s tighter and more focused while making adjustments to the characters that bring them to life in new ways and allow them to act like total fucking freaks all of the time (because tbh they were super ooc for a fanfic.) There were a lot of plot threads in YD I don’t think I could have ever successfully concluded in a satisfying way. Things were jumbled and messy and, honestly, pretty bad. But now I can fix it and make it actually good!

If the allegations are somehow false and other creators ditch the asshole motherfucker piece of shit, maybe I’ll be able to write about their characters in peace. Maybe. Karlnapity are so fucking important to me, you don’t understand. But the way things are looking based on what I saw on Karl’s stream last night and by how silent twitter has been on the subject… it’s not looking too good.

[procrastinatingsapphictrash]

I came back for you

Word count: 2123

Genre: Angst but happy end

Pairing: Natasha x gn!reader

Warnings: Abusive prison/government (let me know if I need to add any)

Request: Hey, so this is kind of a weird request, but could you do a Nattie x Powered! Reader during Civil War, where Nat, of course, is on Tony's team, and the Reader is trying to keep the peace between the two teams. Maybe the government takes (Y/n) and puts her in a shock collar like Wanda's because they think she was on Steve's team? Sorry this is so weird . . .

Summary: You are neutral in the fight, or so you think before you are told you can't be and are taken away with the rest of Cap's team.

A/n: Thanks @thewidowsghost for requesting this! Honestly I didn't plan on writing anything or posting anything today but I saw that I had a little bit of this done and to be honest my day has sucked so I needed a distraction and this worked perfectly. Also I could someone tell me how the formatting looks? I'm trying the new beta editor and I think I'm doing things right but idk. Anyways I hope you all enjoy!

As you take in the scene that surrounds you you can’t believe that you once considered everybody to be a big weird family. Certainly none of them are acting like it now. It breaks your heart to see them on opposite sides, throwing themselves at each other because apparently their personal beliefs are more important than their friends.

Neither of them are right or wrong in your opinion. There’s too many factors and both options suck, it’s the government’s fault for placing the team in this situation. However you are not happy with the way anyone is handling it, especially Steve, Tony and Natasha. Both Tony and Steve are acting based on what they think is right without considering the other sides to the story, although you can’t say that’s surprising coming from them. You do know that they genuinely do care for others but they can be very hard headed and neither of them like to be wrong.

It’s Natasha who you’re most disappointed in though, you thought that she would be a better negotiation, helping ease the tension but she’s out there fighting like the rest of the idiots. You thought that she would agree with you and try to bring together the two sides.

You narrow your eyes and zoom in your vision to the far side of the airport where you see Spiderman. You have no idea who he is but you can tell just by looking at him that he’s only a kid and it was irresponsible of everyone to let him be here and to fight him. You use your superspeed to get to him quickly and take him out of the way of flying cars and leave him by the side where it should be relatively safe.

“Stay here.” you tell him.

“But-”

You glare. “Stay here.”

You rush off before you can make sure he listens because you can hear a grunt of pain from Rhodney. He’s lying on the ground with Tony standing over him and Sam a few meters back. The fight seems to be ending now, you see the plane leaving and the rest of the avengers start to gather but it doesn’t matter because the damage is already done. You don’t know exactly what happened but it looks like a freak accident, somehow nobody’s fault and yet everybody’s fault for getting into this situation in the first place.

The mood is weird, as if everybody is holding their breath and taking in what they’ve done. In the background you can hear trucks pulling up and footsteps follow soon after. The first man grabs Wanda and she blasts him back lightly so he falls down. Immediately a circle forms around her, everyone pointing their guns. Clint takes a step in, raising his arms and trying to calm the situation down but the guns shift to him and one agent steps forward and roughly grabs him, forcing his wrists into cuffs.

They go for Sam next and he looks pissed but lets them cuff him without comment. Scott looks completely confused and out of his depth. You don’t know him but it’s obvious that he is not trained for these types of situations and is in over his head.

It’s Wanda that makes your heart break the most though. She’s like a little sister to you so seeing the tears in her eyes and the terror on her face as the agents move in to cuff her makes you want to wrap your arms around her and promise it will all be okay. But you can’t, that would be a lie because everything is not okay and trying to hug her would only make things worse.

The agents start to move away, leading Cap's team to their trucks to be taken away. One of them turns back and notices you, murmuring something to the agents beside them. Before you can even understand what is happening they are right back and grabbing at your arms roughly. Naturally you try to pull away but they are strong and once you realize what is happening you stop struggling.

“I didn’t pick a side,” you try to explain, “I was just trying to make sure everyone was okay.”

“You didn’t sign the accords and therefore have no right to be here.” one of the men tells you. You look towards Tony’s team for help but they all seem to be busy. Tony and Vision are trying to make sure Rhodney is okay and the kid is luckily back where you left him. T’challa is shaking hands with one of the agents and although it makes you sick because of the way they are treating some of the others you understand, he does have a country to run and his people must come first after all.

Natasha is the only one not doing anything and she meets your eyes. You silently beg her to do something, anything against what is happening. She stares you straight in the eye and shakes her head. You actually shiver at how cold her look is because you never thought that would be directed at you, you thought that the two of you were close.

“I’m not going to help you Y/n, you made your own choice and I made mine.” Is all she says before turning away. You watch her back as long as you can as you are led into the trucks, wondering how everything went wrong so quickly.

---

Nobody talks. You aren’t even sure if you’re allowed to. There is no way what they are doing is legal but who is going to argue with the government. A secret prison built just for enhanced individuals and imprisoning people without trial isn’t right. You were neutral before but the more you see of how the government operates the more you start to lean towards supporting Steve and the rest of his “team”.

You shift slightly because the shock collar is getting even more uncomfortable. Wanda is wearing one too, probably since the two of you are the only ones that have powers unrelated to technology and suits. She looks smaller than ever in her cell and you close your eyes because if you continue to look at her you know you’ll end up crying.

Nothing changes throughout the day until you hear the door creak open. Everyone glares when they see it’s Tony and he and Clint share a few words before Tony practically begs Sam for information. Sam’s reluctant but gives in, seeing that Tony is sincere and knowing that although he disagrees with Tony it’s not really his fault that you’re all here, it’s the government’s.

When Tony leaves things go silent again for a few hours. You haven’t been fed since you’ve gotten here, you realize, but you aren’t hungry anyways, your mind can’t stop picturing the fight, being arrested and most of all Natasha’s attitude towards you. It hurts even more than you would like to admit. You considered her your best friend but you also had feelings for her and you were dumb enough to think that just maybe she felt the same things about you. Obviously that is completely untrue and you wonder if even your friendship was a lie.

“How long do you think we’ll be stuck here for?” Wanda asks finally and although her voice is quiet you wince at how it breaks the silence.

“I don’t know kid.” Clint responds. “Too long. My wife is going to kill me and my kids-”

He stops himself, getting a little choked up which surprises you. You’ve never seen him this emotional before.

“I already miss my daughter.” Scott adds on and there is a moment of understanding that passes between the two of them.

“I don’t have my own family but I’m going to miss my sister.” Sam says. “She probably won’t even find out what’s happening until it’s on the news, if the news even covers it.”

“I miss the team.” you add. “Before this fight, we weren’t perfect but I considered everyone family.”

“So did I.” Wanda says and you all take a moment to miss what used to be.

“I miss pizza.” Sam jokes, trying to lighten the mood. It works and soon everyone is adding on ridiculous things they miss and things they want to do when you get out (you can’t even think about the fact that the “when” might actually be “if”).

Your eyes snap to the door when it opens and everyone shuts up immediately. You look warily at Natasha, unsure of why she’s here. Maybe the government sent her in to interrogate, god knows she is amazing at that and you honestly wouldn’t be able to not talk to her, as much as you’re mad at her right now.

She doesn’t speak, going straight towards Sam’s door and kneeling down, fiddling with the lock. After a few seconds it clicks and the door swings open.

“When did you switch sides?” He asks, raising his eyebrows, impressed.

“I don’t pick sides, I do what makes the most sense and right now breaking you out is the right thing to do. Besides I’m wanted now too, apparently the government doesn’t like it when you aid fugitives in escaping.” she responds smoothly, moving onto Wanda’s cell and repeating her actions until it opens.

“Do you know how to take the collar off?” she asks and Sam nods. He gets to work while Natasha moves on. Both Clint and Scott pass at her offer of freeing them. They both look like they’re itching to escape but you respect that they’re putting their families first.

You’re surprised by how emotional you get when she unlocks your cell. You thought she didn’t care about you so to have her here now is amazing and makes you feel bad you ever doubted that she would do the right thing.

“Y/n, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” she tells you as she undoes your shock collar carefully, doing her best to not hurt you.

“I-I thought you didn’t care about me anymore.” you admit, a single tear dripping down your face.

She wipes it away with her thumb. “Oh sweetheart I care about you so much, more than you could ever know and I want you to always remember that, promise me.”

You nod, sniffing. “I promise Tasha.”

“Good because I came back for you and I will always come back for you.” she says, leaning in closer. You look down at her lips as she continues to lean in because she is so close and it seems like she’s going to kiss you.

“Glad to know Y/n was the only reason you came back.” Sam says, smirking. You love him but you also want to strangle him right now, that bastard could totally see what was happening and ruined the moment on purpose.

Natasha flips him the finger but otherwise ignores him. “Steve and Bucky are waiting in the jet outside, I was able to dismantle alarms and cameras but we only have a few minutes left so follow me and be quiet.”

She grabs your hand as she moves out of your cell and you walk with her, the others trailing behind slightly. The halls are clear and it’s only a few turns before she ushers everyone into a vent. It’s a tight squeeze but you make it through and you pop out to find sturdy wires attached to the side of the raft coming from a nearby jet. Wanda and Sam each take one and their wires retract, pulling them into the jet. You gulp nervously, heights are definitely not one of your favourite things.

“We have to go Y/n.” Natasha whispers just as alarms start to sound, the noises loud with flashing lights.

You take a deep breath and grab the remaining wire and once you’re secure Natasha grabs it too. Closing your eyes tightly so you don’t look down you feel a strange whooshing sensation before it disappears and your feet touch down on the jet floor.

“So what next?” Sam asks once you’ve all collected yourselves, directing his question at Steve.

“We lie low and try to help as best we can.” he responds, sighing heavily. “We’ll figure out the details as we go, what matters is that everybody is safe.”

Natasha holds your hand again and squeezes it tightly. “And that we are together.” she whispers into your ear so only you hear.

You squeeze her hand tightly back. Your relationship with her has gone through a rollercoaster of a day and is mostly undefined but she’s right, all that matters is that you’re together now and you wouldn’t rather be with anyone else.

---

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[m-aster-of-spinjitzu]

the hues of an empty sky

Missing memories, or having two of them for one moment - not quite the same, but if there's one thing Jay's leant over the last few weeks, it's that literally nothing makes sense anymore.

Or, some Skybound aftermath, Zane actually expressing emotions about his memory switch being turned off for all those years, and what was supposed to be a 'they tell everyone about the erased timeline' fic, but it turned into a 'two characters who barely interact on screen talk at like one am in the morning, and don't actually tell the other what exactly they're alluding to the whole time' fic that I wrote at like one am- 

Also yeah, I realized too late that they split up to look for Wu after s7, we’re just gonna pretend that they waited a few days or something, idk anymore tbh, lol.

(I also didn't have time to edit - so please tell me where the typos are? 😂💛)

Word count: 4539

Prompt: crying, from @ninjago-bingo 's warm board.

Trigger warnings: the main character has a panic attack, and squeezes their fingernails into their hands once or twice but I think that's it.

*facepalms* also, guys, i’m so stupid - i literally just realized that this freaking CHANGES TENSE HALFWAY OHMYGOSH I-  i don’t think it’s super noticeable, but ugh, apologies to anyone who actually thought my writing was good lol-

---

It's cold.

Bitterly, freezing cold.

The biting chill of the air is a bit strange for this time of year, but, heck, that's nowhere near the craziest thing that's ever happened to him - not by a long shot.

He sighs, squinting at the stars dotted liberally against the black canvas of the sky.

Cole had once joked that one of them might be the remains of their golden weapons, after they'd hurled the burning mass into the sky - in another alternate timeline; one that only existed in the memories of a certain few.

Gosh - that seemed like such a long time ago.

Wouldn't it be nice to go back to that time, when he'd still thought that their powers were the coolest thing ever - instead of despising them for all the responsibility and sacrifice that came with them? When one of his biggest worries was whether the girl he had a crush on liked him back - not wondering if his friends would survive the night?

"I did not expect to find you awake at this hour, Jay."

Reflexivity, he jumps back, his mind twisting his friend's gentle voice into the- the djin's triumphant, accented one.

You're supposed to be a ninja. What good are you if your friends can still sneak up on you?

"Geez, warn a guy before you sneak up on him! I almost fell off the Bounty!"

"My apologies. I was... surprised to find you awake at this hour," Zane answers. "What are you doing?" "Couldn't sleep. It's too cold," he confesses, not entirely a lie. Ninjago wasn't 'that' far from the Sea of Sand, but he'd grown up in a much warmer area - unfortunately resulting in his practically nonexistent tolerance to the cold. That never failed to stop Kai from teasing him about it, though. He doesn't mention the pressing weight on his chest, almost tangible - or how it constantly makes him feel. Like he's being dragged through the darkness of an empty sky, spikes of fear making everything so freaking terrifying- "You?"

"I have been analyzing my memories of Pixal, in the hope that it may lead me to her whereabouts. However, all my efforts have proved... unsuccessful," Zane answers wearily, shifting his gaze to the sky.

Oh- oh. They'd all be so caught up in the chaos of the last few weeks - hey, it's not like any of them had asked the universe to permanently be out to get them! - that they'd forgotten Pixal was still offline.

"Hey, I'm sure that she's still there somewhere," he says, earnestly. "After all - she wouldn't be your girlfriend if she didn't pull a vanishing act every now and again, eh?"

The question is punctuated with a laugh, but he doesn't say that he's a little worried about her too. They hadn't talked much, but-

I can't see one of my best friends find out that his girlfriend is dead, a quiet voice at the back of his mind points out. Well - been there, done that, wouldn't recommend, he thinks bitterly. Emotional breakdowns and frequent nightmares apply. Anxiety attacks are half off, too!

It's quiet for a few minutes, neither of them seeing a need to break the silence. The wind blows softly through the sails above them; gray wisps of cloud revealing a pale sliver of moonlight that paints the sky in its glow.

It should be a peaceful night: beautiful, calm, no one trying to kill them or destroy their city - for a change.

His hands won't stop shaking.

It should be a peaceful night, but, as usual, the world is too freaking unfair for that-

He hasn't even slept for a full night in weeks! Well, not since- since-

Don't think about it! That's only going to make it worse, duh-

"Are you alright, Jay?"

"Yeah- I- I'm good, thanks," he says quickly, ignoring the way his breathing keeps speeding up. FSM, not this-

Not for the first time, the world suddenly becomes too loud - too much. Every little thing, from trying to breathe properly or even walk- feels insurmountable, because, gosh, oh gosh, it's going to come crashing down if he even moves-

The memory starts off the same as it always does.

Rubble strewn over the temple grounds, his friends literally reduced to nothing more than statues. A shot that hit the mark perfectly, but perfectly shattered his world in the process.

A poison-splattered dress, a terrifying realization.

Her well-aimed joke, but one that never fails to sting every time. Gosh, why hadn't they just allowed her to join their team in the first place? Maybe they could've prevented this- this- whole situation, if they hadn't been so freaking egotistical-

And, again, he's overwhelmed by the sheer sense of helplessness, all his power and training and skills completely useless to one of the people he cared most about. FSM, if only I hadn't used my first w-request so carelessly! If only I'd been able to escape- or, or if only I'd been able to assemble the team faster! If only-

Despite being in what must've been unimaginable pain, she offers a strained smile - a sweet gesture that, ironically, feels like she's poisoning him, because- because FSM, this is all so wrong, it wasn't supposed to end like this-

He watches with horror as her eyes dull and she stills in his arms.

She's gone, FSM, she's gone and it's all my fault-

"Jay?" a voice asks, concern evident in their tone. Distantly, he registers that he's having a breakdown in front of one of his best friends - one of the things he'd been trying really hard to avoid.

Dang it.

"I-" he tries to say, but, great, he's breathing too fast to even get the stupid words out.

"Breathe in for four seconds," Zane says, softly.

Four seconds? Time has no meaning right now, narrowed down to, like - falling down a chasm, terrified of what's at the bottom, except the fear's all around, this- this... foreboding thing of his mind that keeps yelling that he needs to run, or fight, but he can't, can't-

Right. Four seconds.

You're okay, you're fine, no one's trying to hurt you or your friends. She's not dead.

But what if- what if they're being dragged out of this ship right now? What if it was all a dream, and she's dead anyway, because all of us were too stupid to come up with another plan, and none of us could even do anything when she-

After a little while, when he could breathe a little easier, and the fear didn't feel like it was slamming into him from every possible direction, he slowly opened his eyes. Shakily, he wiped a tear from his face - as if that would wipe away all the weeks that had, theoretically, never even freaking happened.

The sky comes back into focus - pinpricks of light against pitch black. 

How was he going to come up with some sorta explanation without... well, explaining everything?

Great.

My nerves are frayed, and I have to lie to a walking lie detector - what could possibly go wrong?

"Are you alright?" Zane asks, his brows creased in concern.

"Heh heh, yeah. Probably just too many video games," he replies quickly, laughter a bit strained.

"You were muttering to yourself," his friend replies quietly. Ugh, trust the way-too-observant-nindroid to call him out on the remains of his facade. "If you do not mind me asking, what was 'all your fault'? I am sure that it was probably a misunderstanding."

You're the one who misunderstands everything, he thinks wearily, ignoring the part of him that yearns to tell someone else about... well, everything that's happened because of that stupid teapot. He's not one to keep secrets by nature, and it's been taking a bigger toll of him than he'd thought it would. Is this how Nya felt when she was still the Samurai? "It's- it's nothing, probably just nonsense."

"Are you sure? You seem... quite worried about something."

Dang it, were his hands still shaking? He presses his fingernails into his palms, squeezing his eyes shut for a second.

He's talking to one of his best friends, FSM. Weren't friends able to tell each other anything?

"Do you think it's easier to forget? Better?"

He didn't even realize he'd asked a question until Zane's eyes widened in surprise.

A forest coated in snow, ice crystals dangling from the tree branches above their heads. Plenty of screaming - way too much, he reflects, couldn't they have been a bit nicer? It must've been pretty jarring to learn that you weren't human, or that your father had erased years of your life from your mind - in that weird underground treehouse. Those crazy tree monsters - and the realization that they all had much more power than they'd thought.

"N- nevermind," he stutters, fleetingly thinking of kicking the deck. "That's way too personal, you don't have to answer it-"

"I do not mind," Zane says, a bit sadly.

Oh.

Heck, his friend was way too nice.

They gaze up at the stars for a few minutes, not really seeing them - one drowning under the weight of too many secrets, the other, too many memories.

It's quiet - too quiet.

Ugh, he thinks, sighing, that sounds like something a low-budget horror movie would start with, cringey sound effects to match.

But the silence is a painful reminder of the days he'd spent tossing and turning in a cramped cell - nothing but his worries and the bruises on his leg from that stupid ball and chain keeping him awake.

He's been trying hard - maybe too hard - to avoid being alone, avoid being in a situation where they've gotta be quiet ever since then, because, dang it, his memories always seem to fill the silence, and they're always far more terrifying than they should be-

It's easier, in a way, to be mocked for his stupid jokes than it is to relive a single moment from those nightmarish few weeks.

Almost reflexively, he grasps for something to fill the quiet.

"Heh, this is a bit awkward. It's okay if you wanna leave-"

"I do not mind," Zane echoes, walking a bit closer. "It is not as if I need to sleep. But... I do not quite know what to think of your question."

There comes the answer - or a semblance of one at least, and it's the last thing he'd been expecting.

"You don't know?" he blurts out before he can even think of trying to filter the thought. Way to treat your friend who's been nothing but kind to you, Jay. "But you're- you're a nindroid! You know everything-"

"Pixal," his friend mutters softly, sighing, and the hurt, the fear, laced through the word makes something in his heart practically twist. He knows all too well what it feels like to be in that situation - even if, technically, it had never happened.

Then- "I wish that were true. But I suppose that my emotions make certain situations much more complicated than... than they need to be. Thus I cannot give my perspective on this - or, at least, without sounding quite conflicted."

"You know that you're allowed to be conflicted, right? Even the coolest Nindroids don't know everything."

"...Yes, I suppose so."

Jay frowns at the almost subconscious hesitation, eyebrows creasing in concern.

"Seriously," he starts earnestly. They're both leaning on one of the railings just above the deck now. "Just 'cause you're a nindroid doesn't mean that you've gotta chase some kind of perfection that doesn't even exist."

He doesn't miss how Zane's eyes widen in shock, their bright blue hue glowing a little brighter - and heck, if that doesn't hurt even more than the earlier realization.

"Besides - it's not like none of us haven't made mistakes before. Hate to go all Wu on ya, but they help us learn or some stupid thing like that. Even if the mistake is trying not to make 'em, you know?"

"Thank you," Zane replies, a tired smile on his face. "Even the most advanced tech is susceptible to error, I suppose."

They've all made lots of mistakes, heaven forbid if one of them is still agonizing over messing up over the crazy situations the universe constantly put them in. It's not like they were told they'd have to face more ancient evil armies than they could count, were they?

Maybe it's time to stop focusing on events that never even happened, and pay more attention to your friends. What's the point of being part of this team if you're always scared or selfish?

"Shut up," he mumbles, rubbing his temples. What's the point of fighting if your own brain is gonna fight you whenever it gets a chance? A few seconds later, he schools his face back into his default anxious grin. "Great, cause I- I- could use your advice on something." "Alright," comes the quiet reply, his friend seemingly lost in thought.

"What if you wanted to tell someone something, but you couldn't?"

His breathing starts to speed up again, but he grips the deck until his fingers are practically bruised, stark white against his tanned skin. Not this time-

"Is this what you were referring to earlier? An event that you blamed yourself for?" Zane asks, eyes flitting between the floor and the sky.

Dang it, way too observant as usual. He masks his surprise with a laugh, but the conversation definitely isn't going as planned and, oh gosh oh gosh, what if-

No, there's no way that any of them would even believe that. Besides - no one can remember stuff that they've forgotten, especially if magic's at play.

"Yeah, kinda," and he's surprised by how steady his voice sounds. It's not easy to even think about that- event, talking about it is a whole different thing. A much more difficult thing, but also - a bit, a little bit, easier. "I-" "Apologies for interrupting," his friend interjects. "I suppose that I have not been entirely honest with you." What?

"A few days ago, I discovered a number of deleted memory files buried deep within my code."

Just like that, his whole world tilts out from underneath him.

It takes every ounce of his strength to keep himself from falling into the abyss again.

Wait, what?

Has he really known for all this time? It's been weeks! Surely he would've said something? It can't be, it never even-

The rational part of his mind points out that he can remember every day of those few weeks. Well, he was the one to make the wish - magical logic is kinda stupid, but maybe that's why he had to remember it or something?

Well then, a small voice interjects, why was Nya cursed to remember everything too?

Of course, even the stupid magical logic doesn't even make sense to the one who caused this whole mess in the first place.

"They were almost entirely corrupted - scrambled in a way that I am not familiar with. However, I did realize that certain files bore dates that have not even occurred yet. I dismissed it as a problem with my code, however..."

Breathe, calm down, it's not like he was able to process them or anything-

We agreed that no one was supposed to know! What if they end up blaming us for keeping it a secret this long, or, or-

"I mean, they could've been-" he starts, but the way in which he's nervously twisting his fingers is a pretty clear indication that he's lying, dang it.

"So when you mentioned that you were unable to tell someone something - did you mean that it was because they had quite literally forgotten about it?"

Great. Fantastic. Of course the literal robot has pieced it together by now-

He squeezes his eyes shut for a minute, hoping that if he ignores the problem, maybe it'll go away.

Okay, fine, maybe he's trying to figure out a way to fix this whole mess. Doesn't mean that he's any closer to coming up with a solution, though.

"Er, yeah," he whispers, shoulders slumped, eyes still firmly shut. Because gosh, he doesn't want to - can't, can't - see the realization dawn that, yeah, he's lied to people he's known for years and years, even though they've all seen way too many times that secrets bring nothing but trouble-

"Well, then - I would say that you don't have to tell them," Zane replies, surprisingly... earnestly? That, or he's either too freaked out to understand the tone properly. Could be either.

He opens his eyes, hesitantly.

And it comes as a bit of a shock to find nothing but concern reflected in his friend's.

The almost persistent weight on his chest feels a little lighter now, like the sky isn't as quite so empty.

Well, it still kinda is. But that doesn't hold as much weight as he'd thought it did - not if one of his friends is willing to look past that; past the heaviness of holding up all those memories with nothing his single star, flickering in and out of the darkness, to try and light the unforgiving darkness of the sky.

"Why?" Jay asks, so quietly he can barely hear it himself. "Don't I owe it to them? Do you?"

"No. Definitely not," comes the reply, so full of conviction that he almost stumbles back. Why-

"My father..."

Oh- oh.

"thought it was better to spare me the pain of mourning him than for me to know who I was," Zane confesses, hesitantly. "Not that I disagree, necessarily. I just..."

He trails off, clutching the railing so hard that the wood almost snaps beneath his titanium fingers.

It takes Jay a little while to realize why - why exactly his friend, who has access to a wealth of knowledge and information, is grasping for an answer. Because- because, well, even if someone does something in your best interests - sometimes the choice isn't always up to them. Or maybe it is, but it was... difficult, to say the least, to let go of the fact that his parents had never told him the truth sooner. Not that he blames them, necessarily - it's not like they knew that his father would pass on before he'd even get the chance to meet him - but... it's confusing, and difficult, not to know why you were left at a junkyard as soon as you were born. Maybe if he'd known that sooner, he could've asked the one person who might've had answers - although it's not like hoping for the past to change will actually change it.

They don't even know that you know, a small voice at the back of his mind points out, and suddenly everything makes a lot more sense-

"You wanted a choice," he breathes, eyes widening. A choice - like one that he'd never been given, one that he stills struggles not to hold against two people who've always had his best interests at heart. Even if they did have the right to withhold that one thing, after all they've done for him - the 'what if's' still echo in his mind far more often than he'd like. "There's nothing wrong with that, even if it feels that way. I kinda get where you're coming from, dude, and it's... super confusing, but I'd be pretty mad if my memories were tampered with like that."

So would anyone, he realizes, heart sinking. Oh, great. Not helping-

"I- I suppose so?" Zane answers, but it sounds more like a question than a reply. "However, in the same vein, it would be unwise for you to give away your choice whilst you still have one." "But don't I owe it to everyone? You just said it, it's horrible to alter people's memories and I- I-" "Did we forget... whatever it was for a good reason? "I- I mean, I guess, but..." "Then you do not owe it to us to relive something that we do not even remember." The words should be a relief - and they kinda are. But some part of him really does want to explain the crazy alternate timeline, and everything that happened in it. It's just... really, really freaking difficult.

"What if- what if I wanted to, though?" Jay asks hysterically, running his hands through his hair in a frenzied sort of way. "And I still couldn't? I just, I-"

He cuts himself off with a bout of forced laughter.

Zane takes a moment to reply, the bright blue light in his eyes flickering - a small tell that he was thinking so deeply, his processors were literally sparking up a bit.

"You queried earlier if it was easier, or better, to forget. And while all situations are different, I suppose it is... well, subjective. What do you think?" Zane asks, softly.

Derailing the conversation a bit, but his friend's obviously smart enough to be leading up to something.

Sure, he'll go along with it.

"I mean, there are some things I'd rather forget, you know? I guess we all know what that feels like," Jay replies, the statement with oddly sad air to it. They're still kids, after all, and it gets a bit exhausting pretending that their superhero lives were all fun and games - when they'd just given him enough grey hair to last then lifetimes, and enough nightmares to keep him from ever getting the normal amount of sleep his mum always prattled on about.

Sleep, heh heh. Practically a foreign concept, now.

"And I know that stuff that happens, like shapes us or something - and Master Wu would probably go off on a whole ramble about why we learn from our mistakes or whatever," he laughs nervously, resisting the urge to just fall headfirst onto the deck of the stupid ship instead of continuing the conversation," and how 'our scars only make us stronger', crap like that, but I just-"

"I'm just really... tired of this," he confesses warily, shoulders slumped. "W- I remember so many horrible things, and I-" he breaks off, laughing bitterly. His voice takes on a sort of brittle quality, way too high pitched, "and I can't even talk about them, dude. If that's not the most pathetic thing ever, I dunno what is."

"It does not-"

"Don't say it," Jay mutters, rubbing his temples. "I know, I know, my feelings aren't pathetic, they're always valid, whatever, spare me the lecture-"

"That is not what I was going to say," Zane replies gently. "It just seems that you have answered your own question."

"Gee, which one?"

"I do not know how much helpful assistance I can provide in this situation, but it is understandable to wish certain events had never occurred. However, seeing as we cannot change the past, it seems unwise to dwell on said events if you can avoid it."

Jay stiffens, clamping a shaky hand over his mouth. Something seems to press down even harder on his chest, a heavy sort of weight that causes his breathing to speed up again. Don't say it don't say it there's no reason to warn them this time-

"If you would like to tell any of us about something, of course you are welcome to. It does not to be the whole story, after all. Just make sure that it is the decision you choose, not one you choose because of what you think how it will affect others," Zane finishes quietly, ducking his head as if he's embarrassed.

The stars are still white-hot, burning away some million miles above them.

"Thanks," he says, and puts his hand softly on Zane's shoulder. "I mean, I know - that all makes sense, I guess. It's just- I-"

"You want to?"

"Yeah," Jay starts, sighing, "I do. It's just- it's not just my choice. And I'm pretty much dying already right now, so, as fantastic as making it all worse sounds, hard pass."

Oops, maybe he shouldn't have said that last bit. They'd agreed not to tell anyone about it - even this conversation was cutting it way too close. It wasn't impossible for them to put everything together - they were a pretty smart group, after all, even without their resident inventor and engineer - and Jay didn't really know what he'd think if they did. Fearful? Relieved? Angry?

"That does... not sound great? Dying certainly does not seem-"

"It's called sarcasm, Zane."

"Oh- yes. My memory now accesses the fact that people often speak in that manner. It does seem a bit counterproductive, though. Why not just say what you mean?"

"Shut it, you have no clue how integral to my life it is," Jay replies with a halfhearted grin.

A few seconds later, he remembers something his friend had mentioned earlier, and the grin disappears.

"You know that you can talk to us if you're not happy, right?" he asks, earnestly. Sure, it's not like he could always do that, considering, well, a stupid djin and even stupider magic, but it's not like he needs to. It's- well- he'll be okay, probably. Maybe. Kinda.

Zane's eyes blink on and off again, blue fading in and out. "I... I suppose that I was not quite aware of that."

Okay, they've screwed up way too many times, but this... this is pretty bad. Dang it, how long does it take for them to throw self-preservation instincts at their friend before he freaking- picks them up or something?

"However, will it not hurt those who have experienced the same unfortunate events?"

Dude, not the best question to ask someone wondering the exact same thing-

"It's been... uh, nice, kind of, talking to you. So- I don't think so, and I'm pretty sure someone would say so if it did. Besides, don't we talk about our adventures all the time? It'd probably be better if we... uh, well- heh heh, nothing."

"If we talked about the less than positive elements of them? Perhaps, but I still-"

Maybe it's the fact Zane has always tried to be there for him, or maybe he's too sleep deprived to care anymore, but this is a way too familiar situation and-

Well, not ignoring the issue would be a start.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we're family, Zane. We care about each other. And, gosh, that means that we care about you too. Memories are stupid and annoying sometimes, but we have to make good ones too, right? To block out the bad ones a bit, I guess? Kinda, at least."

They both look away from the stars now, grappling for something else to say.

In the end, they leave it be with a hug and a fondly exasperated warning about sleeping, if you happen to need it.

After all, they're family. They don't have to be perfect, or tell each other everything - even if it does take them a long time to realize that, and an even longer time remembering it.

---

The next time Jay startles awake from a nightmare, the sky is still empty - painfully so, like an ache that simmers beneath the surface even when it's not able to be seen.

The hue, though, is a little lighter.

Just a little - the all-encompassing darkness of it is now a navy sort of blue, his star shining a little bit brighter.

It's still not sunrise, not even close - but he'll take it. AN: the ‘sky’ mentioned at the start and end is a stupid metaphor that i somehow ended up liking too much to trash, it’s ‘empty’ because he hasn’t told anyone about the timeline, and Nya’s not included because they never had a chance to tell each other everything significant or even talked about it or processed it on screen. so yeah! if you read this,,, not great thing, can i send you a hug or good vibes or smth? tyy🥺