#i think he needs to heal from the assumption that everyone in the world is out to get him and eve and he has to protect her no matter what

[closedcoffins]

one thing the baccano! anime doesn’t tell you about dallas genoard is that there is good somewhere in him. one thing it doesn’t tell you is that his father and jeffrey were complete assholes, and from the way dallas is, it’s not a stretch to assume that he was subject to at the very least severe emotional abuse from the two of them.

dallas is a terrible person, but he’s terrible because he doesn’t know how to do or be anything else. the way he himself puts it---he wanted to be strong to protect his sister, but the only thing he knew he could do was fight, and hurt people, and kill. everything else, he was too incompetent for, and i think that viewpoint CAME from his brother and father. 

moreover, i’ll never forgive the anime for making him yell at eve. he would never. even on his darkest days, all he ever does is comfort eve, or spend time with her, or try and figure out exactly who’s wronged her so he can make them pay. eve is his whole world because she’s the only person who was ever kind to him without expecting anything in return. do not talk to me.

[cameronspecial]

I wanted to ask if you could write something with rafe where reader does selfharm and he finds out? Maybe with a soft version of rafe

Not Going Anywhere

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: SELF-HARM and Talks of DEPRESSION (Please don't read if these are a trigger).

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 1.1K

A/N: If you or anyone you know are experiencing depression, then please know you are not alone and there are people who can help. The internet has information on the best places for you to go to in your country. Not tagging anyone just in case this is a trigger for anyone on my tag list.

Masterlist

It isn’t for attention. That is one assumption most people make whenever they see the scars. It’s the reason why she hides them on her hips. She doesn’t have to worry about anyone seeing it because no one sees her naked, not even her boyfriend. The only times the marks see the light of day are when she changes or showers. She makes sure the cuts made can be hidden by her underwear and any panties or bikini bottoms she buys need to pass that test as well. 

No matter how wrong she knows it is, she can’t help but hold the cold sharp blade against the tough skin. It is resting on top of a barely healing scar because she has no other place for it. Her breath hitches as she pulls the Exacto knife across her, going a little farther than the mark already made. Tears are running down her face. Her eyes blur as she repeats the motion below the blooming red line. Her breath is uneven and hitches every time the metal touches her skin. In some sick way, the pain gives her a small relief. It gives her a reason.

Most people wonder why someone would cause harm to themselves. They would guess that the despair is caused by a lack of food, shelter, money, clothes or love. However, Y/N doesn’t have that issue. How could she when she is a kook? No, she has never felt hunger or fear and that is the cause of the turmoil inside of her head. Nonetheless, ever since she entered teenhood, she would experience these months-long periods of extreme sadness. She would do her best to hide them from everyone by pushing herself to get out of bed and go to activities that she would normally enjoy. She would make sure to cry when no one else was at home and to track her family members’ phones to verify she was alone. It was a secret she kept so deep within her that she started to question why she felt this way. That is when the true problems began. She felt guilty for feeling this despair without a reason and it was furthered by the secrets she had to keep, so she began to self-harm as her reason. In her brain, partly because of what society has told her, she needed a reason for why she was melancholy because there are people in the world who were dealt much tougher times in life. 

So, that is how she finds herself standing in front of the mirror, holding down the right side of her underwear and dragging an Exacto knife along her skin. She has fallen into one of her episodes and this time, it is the worst one to date. She has never pressed so hard into her skin with the blade. It has never bled this much. She curses as the blood begins to seep into the cotton of her underwear. Her attention is on stopping the red from staining her clothes, so she doesn’t hear the front door open. 

Rafe whistles whilst he uses his copy of the key to open Y/N’s front door. People thought it was too early when they exchanged house keys after only six months of dating. They didn’t though. It felt like the next step when she told him that she was saving herself for marriage. They found a different way to reach a new level of intimacy and it worked for them. Her house is eerily quiet and dark. Normally, she keeps the hallway lights on when she is home and if she is watching TV/listening to music, it is so loud that it could make a deaf person hear. He doesn’t let the lack of normality stop him from making his way to her bedroom, thinking nothing that her door is closed. He uses the doorknob to push it open and he is surprised to see her standing in front of the mirror with her hands pressing against her hip. It takes him a second to process that blood stains her hand. His shock turns to worry as he rushes to her side. He trips over something in his attempt to get to her and looks down to see a bloody Exacto knife, like the kind she uses to cut things for her art. He kicks it away and removes her hand from her side. He curses at the amount of blood. This needs stitches. 

“My love, what happened?” he asks, hoping the theory he has isn’t true. He sees the tears running down her face and the way her mouth opens and closes. She has no idea how to answer. The hiccups of her crying make it even harder. Instead of waiting for an answer, Rafe washes his hands and gets the first aid kit in her bathroom. He uses the bandage wrap inside it to catch the blood, instructing her to use it to apply pressure whilst he guides her to his car. The drive to the hospital is silent. 

———

Y/N told the medical practitioner the truth as to how she got the cuts and scars. She couldn’t lie with Rafe in the room. He had offered to step out, except she asked him to stay. She was tired of lying. It only added to her exhaustion. Y/N didn’t have to say much before the doctor excused herself to get a hospital psychiatrist. Rafe said nothing as she described the anguish she felt. He felt a sharp stab to his heart at every word she said, criticizing himself for not seeing the mental pain his girlfriend was in. 

With the doctor gone, he speaks up. “Is there anything I can do right now that can help you feel more comfortable?” She appreciates that he doesn’t assume that there is an easy fix to this or that at the moment there is something quick he can do to make her feel better. His focus on her comfort causes a flutter in her stomach. She nods, “Can you just hold me?” He joins her on the hospital bed and pulls her to his side. The buzz of the lights is the sole thing that can be heard for a while. “This isn’t your fault,” she clarifies, concerned that he might think it. He kisses her temple, “I know. Thank you for trusting me enough to be in the room when you told the doctor what happened. This isn’t your fault either and you are so brave for asking for help. If you want, I will be here to help you every step of the way.” A different kind of relief comes over her. She feels a glimmer of hope that she doesn’t have to do this alone. “I want you here,” she whispers, pressing her face into his side. “Then I’m not going anywhere.”

[oreo-oro-orero]

I thought I would talk more about how I feel Ekko is often mistreated or ignored by the Arcane fandom and why I think that is and spoiler alert I Anti-Blackness is at least a part of it.

Ekko is subjected to what a lot of black boys are too in real life which is  adultification. Ekko just like a lot of black boys was essentially forced to grow up and due to this I think a lot of the Arcane Fandom treat him as an adult and thus judge him more harshly just like how in real life black boys are often treated as older then they actually are and thus are subjected to more scruinty and Ekko is sadly constantly subjected to this by the fans. This is in direct contrast with Jinx who seems to be given a lot more leeway which to a certain extent is understandable because it is her story essentially but I still find it odd how she is given the "oh poor baby pushed around by the big bad world must protect" but Ekko is just given a side glance and a "he's doing fine" when both Ekko and Jinx deserve that "need to protect" additude but yet it feels like Jinx is given the most of the protection and Ekko is just left to fend for himself.

Honestly I don't think a lot of the Arcane Fandom looks at Ekko as a victim and that is genuinely upsetting. They look at his situation as more of a success story but even then his "success" is is very sad when you think about it.  Yes he built a community and yes I guess he did "turn out okay" despite his situation but he shouldn't have had build that community in the first place and just because he did doesn't mean he's healed, trauma doesn't just go away because your relatively okay compared to everyone else. I also think his hurt isn't taken as seriously as the other characters because he doesn't actively display it as much, in total his hurt is displayed in two main instances and that's it mostly, the other times he's on screen he's either angry or at the very least mildly annoyed or somber which is interesting because this is most likely a mask he wears and this mask is a direct result of the adultification I talked about earlier. 

Ekko suffers from what a lot of black characters do which is that despite them going through the same or sometimes even more trauma then non black characters, their trauma is often overlooked or downplayed to be less then it is which is something that happens in IRL to black people all the time. Also this mischaracterization of Ekko extended to Shipping as well to where some people label him as an abuser towards Jinx which is ironic because he is one out of like 2 other characters that doesn't actively kill anyone and if anything he tries to avoid that as much as possible so I genuinely don't understand where this abuser assumption came from, is it because they genuinely Believe it or is it because they saw a black man being aggressive an automatically assumed he was the one in the wrong in the situation.

I got a little bit ranty there and I apologize but Ekko is my favorite character from the show and just fiction in general and I feel like he has so much to offer but he is seemingly being mistreated by other fans of the show and that just doesn't sit right with me. I just hope next season really gives him his time in the spotlight.

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

I love that every time Ochako and Deku talked about saving Toga and Tomura, they explicitly said that they couldn't forgive them for hurting so many people, including their friends.

But they still wanted to save them.

They had a whole conversation about how it was super weird. Shouldn't they want them dead? It was paralleled with Shouto saying he wanted to know what Touya's favorite food was, with Iida and Bakugo contributing to it.

The kids feeling a bit guilty because they want to help people in need, no matter what. It all being right before the reveal that Aoyama was the UA traitor, when class 1A decides that they wanted a future with Aoyama in it even after all he did. The kids slowly realizing that the answer to live a good life is to defuse those situations and find a way for everyone to live and heal on their own time.

When Deku explains that maybe the key is in trying to understand why the villains are doing what they are doing. When Ochako says that she never considered how Toga saw the world or how it could affect the way she attacked; not everyone saw the world like them, which means that not everyone could reach the same conclusions.

When Shouto asked Touya why he never came home and Touya was able to finally tell his story. When the Todorokis reunited to talk together about their family, their past and future. When Rei showed she knew that Touya only wanted to be seen and considered by his dad. When Ochako understood that it was all Toga wanted to, to be considered a person, not a monster. When they all realized that it's not that the League refused to see as much as they couldn't. Their hurt and their trauma kept them anchored in the past, blind to their surroundings, lashing out like a wounded animal to anyone.

Deku explained to the vestiges that he tried to connect with other villains and couldn't because they did not want to. Not everyone wants to be saved, they say. There's a possibility that Tomura doesn't want to be saved. Would you kill him if that's true? And Deku doesn't want to because his powers are not to kill, but to save. He says that he will figure it out if that's the case, but he reaaaally wants to save that crying kid.

From then to now.

To the vestiges sacrificing themselves to open a path to Deku to reach Tenko. To Hawks thinking about what Ochako said about wanting to see everybody smile. To the Todorokis joining forces to stop Touya because it's their responsibility, not only Shouto's.

From a world ruled by assumptions and apathy and misconceptions and violence, to a world that is based on understanding, communication and responsibility.

I love what it all means.

[circeyoru]

{Collection of Overlords} Trick's Design

Everyone! Meet Trickster, the (somewhat) opposite of you!

If you had yet to read Part 7, go to MASTERLIST and read that first. This is a major spoil for that part.

Name: Trickster (aka Trick as per your nickname to them)

Alias: Noir

Title: The Big G | God | Lord

Status: The True Ruler of Heaven | Supreme Being of the Heaven Realm

Species: The Holy Entity | Symbol of Angelic | Everything & Anything

Appearance: Basically an opposite height of yours, like if you’re tall they’re short and if you’re pretty average height then they are too. Has short black hair and pitch black eyes (think Cannibals’ eye feature). Wears baggy and causal clothing, think long sleeves that covers the hands, they love waving that in your face. Does not wear any accessories because they hate those human creation. Has a pair of silver wings with golden highlights

Prounoun: They/them

Personality: 

“Nothing’s decided, nothing’s fated. Nothing’s anything really. Where’s the fun is picking or thinking a reason for anything. Don’t put your assumptions on us Rulers. You’ll only get hurt. I don’t mind watching though.”

Trick was once kind and sweet, living up to the expectation and painting of what the humans think of them. At the time, you were truly the ‘evil’ one and you do call them by ‘Noir’ as it was a name you two picked for each other after a colour that was believed to suit the other. Like how they saw light in you, you saw dark in them. And you were right. Noir was the dutiful God that was merciful and forgiving to humans, they watched over the living and Heaven while you were down in Hell with the souls of the damned. Rarely would Noir call you for a little meet up to pass the time. The changed them was the humans that committed evil time and time again, in their rage and disgust, they only saw the ugly side of the world that they so loved. Noir found it more pleasing to let the souls go to Hell that nurture them so that they would join them in Heaven. Those filth weren’t worthy in Noir’s mind.

Soon, Noir offered for you to mark where the souls go instead of only them judging and you dealing with the directions and torture to the evil ones. You changed and called them ‘Trick’ after that. From then on, Trick found pleasure in toying with the souls and saw them as their toys instead of living beings. Heaven had it worsen when things were done without understanding, all the high angels can do was listen to the ‘divine message’ that Trick gives as a prank. Just to see how far their ‘beloved’ angels would go. They have a dark interest and fascination with evil and his personality developed to match. Trick is indifferent to suffering of others that doesn’t interest them and is keen on causing chaotic and disorder as long as they get a laugh out of it.

However, Noir and you were once kept distanced from each other and he feels guilty for it but he puts his duties as the godly holy being above catching in on you while you’re in Hell. Now, as Trick changed and all that, they value your friendship and companionship with them above all else. The meetings like the one in Part 7 are more frequent and prolonged because Trick understands that you’re the only one that can match them and stay by their side without scaring for a terrible change. The way that you didn’t care what image they put up was another factor. With that being said, Trick bares some level of envy at your collection, especially your Overlord favourites. That was the reason why Trick killed you with holy powers and put both of you into a madatory slumber to heal.

Abilities / Powers: 

Immortality: It is physically, mentally, and spiritually impossible to kill Trick. Unless the user is the owner of curse based powers. Even after killing Trick, all they need to do is wait for time to pass and their body will be reformed so they can move and do everything again

Holy Powers: A higher form of light powers

Omnipotent: As a True Ruler and Supreme Being of a realm, Trick is all-powerful but has weaker curse and darkness-based powers and abilities

Omniscient: As a True Ruler and Supreme Being of a realm, Trick is all-knowing of what happens all around. Knowledge is at their disposal if Trick wants to know, but they rarely do because they view that there’s nothing interesting to know

Omnipresent: As a True Ruler and Supreme Being of a realm, Trick is present everywhere (but Hell) at all times. This ability is more commonly used when it was their Noir phase since Trick doesn’t like being everywhere at all times

Realm Travelling: Trick can travel between the Heaven Realm and Earth Realm, but can never enter Hell

Soul Marking: Trick can mark a still living human soul and judge whether they go to Heaven or Hell, now they mark souls with you so he only marks those that are allowed to Heaven instead of both realms

Flight: Trick has a pair of wings that can give them flight to travel to wherever they pleases. Shown to be able to float with it opened and even fly from high up in the sky to down onto the streets

Death: Trick can cut a human’s life short with a wave of their hand or wing

Teleportation: Trick can teleport themselves and other beings with them to wherever they please without any incarnation or action needed

Fun Facts: 

Trick’s favourite colour is black, that’s why you picked ‘Noir’ as Trick’s name in the beginning. However, ‘noir’ also means a genre of crime film or fiction characterized by cynicism, fatalism, and moral ambiguity in the dictionary which they are later on fascinated by when they changed personalities. In contrast, Trick hates the colour gold or yellow

Trick is the more childish and unhinged one between you and them

Some time to time, Trick descends to Earth and ‘haunt’ places to scare humans. They find the ghost hunting videos and ‘ghost hunters’ a funny concept

Trick hates ‘shiny rocks’, basically gemstones, and gold, namely anything that humans see as valuable and makes into jewelry. The only exception is silver because that’s what they picked as your nickname

When Trick gets bored, they whine to you telepathically. If you shut them off, they’ll give random and harmless ‘divine messages’ to the angels and have them fly around trying something impossible and Trick gets a laugh out of it

One can get Trick to eat anything if there’s cream on it. Trick can eat frosting and whipcream without getting bored of it

Trick can’t stand spicy food, it reminds them too much of the sun and being under it

(what kind of other fun facts do you think will fit Trick or Noir?)

Note: How you like this character? Oh right, there isn't a definite design for Trick/Noir as of right now, so you can go ahead with the drawing and doodles if you like~

Circe Y.

Taglist: (those that don't specify to being in all the works' taglist will automatically be assumed to be in whichever series they comment on)

@aconfusedwonderland @crowleysthings @donustellaron @mistpurpl3 @lucifers-silhouette @fluffy-koalala @plutobots @ray-rook @thealienartist @serenity-songbird @galaxydreamer468 @raynerrold @wen01203 @hikari-michiko @colecreo @myromanempiree @xsamkuro @yourdoorisunlocked @clavelina @jono723 @cursedcattalastor @an-idyllic-novelist @flamiohotman2024 @rea-grace @myromanempiree @veroneverleft @lousypotatoes @crazysuityouth @jellyedkazoo @wat4r @kiraisastay @thealienartist @chefysawesomeideas @wtvbabes @patronizingbitch @koshi-kazu @craftyperfectiontragedy @scr4luv @chrollobb @mysterypotatoink @callmefe

[xpl3001]

jinhyeok at his dad’s funeral banquet like the big back he is

LMAO hi everyone and happy opening! i’m anwar (not hadid) and this is my first chara — kim jinhyeok, part of the glitched out subplots as well (harvey). super excited to plot and write with you all, so by all means kindly leave a heart and i’ll get back to you asap! i’m also the mun behind @everymandeadman so anticipate another intro later today as well, thank u!

navigate — general info, pinterest

tw / boy mom behavior.. girl i know (closes eyes)

kim jinhyeok, 23, some guy working in tech and on allah he doesn’t know what he’s doing for the most part but anyways: the youngest kid born to a mother who filled for divorce from her first husband (sorry big sis @iscariotish). her current husband helped her out and was like “yo i’ll marry u bc ngl i need a wife and some kids” so she took that as an opportunity and also? i expect that south korean societal beliefs have transferred (kinda) to terra so the notion that divorce is highly stigmatized against women is a thing so. she married her second man and filed for a child asap under the assumption that she’ll be secured for life. the first boy is born and we all cheered

this is a woman who doesn’t really want to be a mother but whatever, right? so she’s like “what do u mean you want another kid just one is enough” (also she’s carrying a whole second marriage too) when her husband’s filing for another child (ie jinhyeok). bro is born a preemie and ngl chances at survival was kinda slim. his mom was lowkey gonna call the baby off with terrascape co but said “mm nah, guess i’ll keep the child” and so kim jinhyeok is born unwanted from the start but who cares

kim dongmin (dad) is a radiologist tech who signed his life away to terrascape co as a medical professional in the outer world. they never see their father who’s dedicating his life out there to support terrascape’s advances. his wife is hella lukewarm bc the money is gonna look crazy good when he ends up dying, but anyways i think being in a second marriage applied pressure to jinhyeok’s mom in order to make shit work out in the marriage. so it made her tune out to her kids initially bc she was so busy doing fuck all to please her man OK MOVING ON

jinhyeok’s relationship with his dad’s “okay” except he doesn’t see him like at all bc bro works in the outer world/earth and agreed to spend his whole life for terrascape. his mom is trying to heal from her bullshit first marriage and basically expects emotional support from her two sons in place of how her first marriage went wrong + in absence of her current husband so basically she’s a boy mom who is entitled to her son’s affections and the rls becomes very emotionally dependent on her kids.. this is not good! (cue jinhyeok’s expectations of skewed masculinity in relation to being a victim of a boy mom)

but like shit goes crazy with jinhyeok bc every birthday he gets tossed into a new avatar in the north american server (allara) so he has to live in a body of an asian american girl and navigate thru that for a whole 24 hours while instead every year someone inhabits his body back in terra’s sk. jinhyeok hasn’t been able to celebrate his birthday since then, and once he gained consciousness he tried to open up about it to his family which didn’t go well. it’s a big ass faulty glitch and he feels deeply violated bc he doesn’t know what’s happening in his body/avatar back home while in a separate avatar in north america every year on february 1st. so essentially this glitch peeks his interest in coding/it/compsci, but under the guise that he’s pro terra bc it’s all a programmed facade and all that

but like u know he gains an unique experience being that asian american girl which broadens his knowledge about gender and the asian diaspora. largely he grows up insanely misunderstood by his family and peers because of this unique experience that jinhyeok’s been having as a child, in spite of never being able to properly celebrate his birthday and hasn’t been able to, which.. yeah. very sad and because of the glitch jinhyeok hates it when his birthday approaches for plenty of reasons. also since his mom saved his life kinda she thinks jinhyeok’s hella ungrateful and shit for questioning terra’s ethics and morals like we should not be doing this or be existing for a reason maybe?? she enjoys gaslighting him by using the “i saved you!” rhetoric with the typical “you got clothes and a nice home what else do you want” type shit

fast forward: his dad ends up passing away in the last year. he’s been having health problems as a result of working in outer earth and it’s basically evidence(?) of how terrascape has labor issues. they lowkey view their professionals as expendable to their needs which heightens bro’s suspicion of the corporation while acting like he don’t know a goddamn thing. and well, he doesn’t have enough merit to prove terrascape’s shadiness, but in recent events with his dad’s passing and with bae gyuok, jinhyeok’s like.. um? wtf. this is weird

personality

very extroverted! it doesn’t take long for him to strike up a conversation with anyone and everyone, so jinhyeok doesn’t mind having to constantly break the ice. he knows what to say and when to say it, so i think he tends to mirror the personalities of others very well (libra rising + mars for all my astrology hoes), but this is initially before he can truly be himself (he likes testing the waters with people before finding out ohh okay i can REALLY be myself). but with this, he tends to lean into his people pleasing tendencies (lmao AGAIN libras.. am i right) which was conditioned since childhood having been raised by the mother he has, but he has a limit and a temperament before you get the chance to walk all over him. naturally intuitive, enjoys thinking out of the box, has an acute sense of justice even if his priorities are scattered. impulsive-heavy, says things he doesn’t mean when angered/irritated and always falls back into his regret. not the easiest to be made frustrated, but once he is, there’s really no turning back and he’ll gladly ball your face up because well. he’s a man and men do love fighting or getting worked up so lmfao

plots

i prefer brainstorming, but bare bones for connections remains: friends, lotsa exgirlfriends, maybe a group of gen z-ers (ok i know there’s probably gonna be a name for the 2997-3012 generation but bear with me) in tech who’s doing their best out here lmfao BUT YEAH BYE

HAPPY PLOTTING I’M DONE

[howaboutalittlehelpneos]

So while the name "Kaito Faker" would sound horrible, anyone else think it's kinda strange that neither of Dr. Faker's kids have the same last name as him? Their last names being Tenjo implies they're named after their mother, who is never seen, heard, or mentioned once throughout the entire duration of the show (unless I'm forgetting something super small, in which case tell me)

But who IS their mother? I'm sure plenty of people have talked this one to death already, but the idea of her being from Astral World has become kind of a favorite fan theory of mine considering Haruto looks like this...

There's no way he's not meant to resemble an Astralite

He and Astral both have those round head things, and his outfit resembles the line markings that Astral has on his body. Haruto has gold eyes, while Astral's got silver and gold, which I guess you could chalk up to him being like... Artificially created? If I'm remembering right? I haven't watched Zexal in so long help sodkdmdk

Blue seems to be a very common eye color for Astralites, with colors like gold being a rare exception, since the only ones who seem to have it are Enna...

And Eliphas, once again with the heterochromia

Why is he the only one other than Astral to have like,,, defined eyes by the way? No one else is good enough to get pupils and all that? They just have the entire eye be one color unless they're special? Mister "I'm the will of the entire planet so only I get to have special eyes" smh.

Seriously I want to understand their biology so badly someone please tell me what all these little details about their bodies mean

ANYWAYS I got distracted, but going back to the whole Kaito and Haruto are Astral hybrids theory, the only issues with it are the canon timeline of events. Faker wasn't shown to have started getting involved in this whole other world business until 5 years before the start of the show, meaning Kaito would have been 13 when his dad met Vector and agreed to destroy Astral World. Him having an Astral mom would need to have been a thing even further back than that, which would require Faker to have met an Astral being at least 13 years before he ever met Vector. But what would an Astralite be doing on Earth if they didn't have a mission to be there? After all, Earth is full of primitive beings who like chaos, so why would anyone go there?

Well.

This is all just me throwing ideas out there, but what if it were Enna? For one thing, she's shown protecting the children on her planet in a lot of her scenes, so she kind of gives off that motherly figure energy.

For another, she's also the only adult woman we ever see on that planet, as everyone else is either a child or Eliphas.

Enna is also like. Pro chaos, which is a very human thing (also a very Barian thing all things considered, but since Faker was still very much the dad, we'll keep going under the assumption that he and Enna could have been a thing.) Like she was very much for chaos being used to heal the residents of her world, which was kind of a radical viewpoint for her to have considering all the centuries they've spent casting it out completely. Accepting chaos seems to be a very outside way of thinking for her people, and while it is entirely possible that she simply saw people suffering and came to the conclusion on her own that getting rid of chaos just wasn't helping anyone, it'd be kinda cool if she picked that perspective up on a trip to Earth.

At this point this is becoming more of a "wouldn't it be cool if" type of post rather than a theory, but... I mean, wouldn't it be cool if Faker's role in Zexal I had been trying to connect Astral World and Earth so that he wouldn't be galaxies away from the mother of his children? Idk, I think that'd have been a way neater plot than him trying to destroy it to help his sick child, and you wouldn't have to change around Too much of the plot to make it happen. Kite would still be hunting numbers, albeit for a different reason, but still a reason related to his family. Vector likely wouldn't appear until the very end of Zexal I and could have been a boss fight. In the original plot, he had that deal with Faker that he'd heal his sick son in exchange for destroying Astral World, but you could either nix that entirely, or have Faker agree initially with every intent of double crossing Vector and having his true intentions be to get Haruto home with his other parent where he'll be safe, regardless of what happens to him as a result.

Once again, my opinion, but. I think it'd be better than what they actually did with Faker's character, having him seem cruel and evil up to the very end, not seeming to care about his son and in fact seeming to enjoy hurting him, only for a last minute reveal that he doesn't actually hate him despite all his actions showing otherwise, he had his best interests in mind the whole time, no really stop laughing. A rewrite like this would actually show him willing to do anything to keep his son out of harm's way, regardless of what might happen to him after Haruto is out of danger, and would make him far more deserving of the redemption the show tried to give him (which really was not deserved in canon all things considered, and it didn't even come from the right person, it came from Yuma, someone not part of the family he'd been hurting, but that's another separate rant.)

Like... I don't know man, I feel like Zexal gave us too many hints about Haruto not being from this world, what his his whole deal in season one, his appearance, etc, and then they just kinda let it fall flat? They set up a possible reveal for him that they just never really followed through on. :/ And I haven't even talked about his brother yet.

Kaito doesn't bear as strong a resemblance to your typical Astralite, or if he does, it's more... Subtle.

I've seen others point out that both Astral and Kaito have hair that curves up, but given that it's just these two who have that trait while all the other background citizens on Astral's home planet seem to have hair that either spikes outward or flows down, I'm not sure if that's a strong point for or against the possibility that they share a common background... Kaito also has blue eyes, which we've established as a common color for Astralites, but since it's also a common enough human eye color, it feels like a bit of a reach to call that proof, too. His dad's got purple eyes, so he definitely didn't get the color from Faker, but it's also Yugioh, so relatives having completely dissimilar characteristics isn't exactly uncommon... The two traits Kaito has that could link him to being from Astral's world could just as easily be a coincidence.

You know what's weird about Kaito? Photon Transformation. I mean, where does he even get that ability from? It's never fully explained how he'd able to do it, he just does it, and whatever it does to him, somehow hurts him to use it. That could possibly point to him not being fully human if the other half of his heritage is able to pull off something like that naturally, but we once again know so little about Astralites that it winds up being speculation again.

I haven't actually watched Zexal in a very hot minute btw, so if anyone wants to chime in to correct me on something I got wrong/add in something I missed, go right ahead!

[thedecoy-if]

How do you think the cast would handle if the decoy needed medication for whatever reason (diabetes, depression, anxiety, etc) but obviously they don't have it because they were kidnapped? Do they have things in their world that would be the equivalent or would it end up being a magic thing?

And do you think it would take them long to notice if the decoy just started to get worse from whatever they had? (Non life threatening under the assumption the mc didn't tell them they needed it)

There are human healers in Eterna (mostly in villages that are too far from any big towns or with little Touched) who I would say have more basic ways of medicine. They mostly rely on herbs and the occasional product that is enhanced by magic. Though when it comes to things where very specific medicine and intervention is needed like diabetes, it’d have to be a magic thing. as for anxiety and depression, there are services in which people can go to someone and that person can use magic to alter their mood, emotions, thoughts etcetera. There’s a bit of a debate on the morality behind that but that’s how people usually approach it. Things like depression and anxiety are not uncommon in Eterna and they know what it is. Also, not everyone is Neurotypical either. Sometimes they just don’t have the same word for it. It wouldn’t take Azriel long as he’s with MC almost 24/7 as he’s MC’s royal guard and guide. He’ll begin to be able to read MC pretty well once MC slips into their role and they (forcefully) spend more time together. For A, it depends. If it’s not something they’re used to with S they might not realize there’s anything wrong with MC but then again, they might notice even faster because they know what to expect from S. So case by case.

Taleea would likely be the first to know though as she has a Sense for these things (get it?) and if you went the broken wrist route, she already has become slightly attuned to MC’s physical self. Of course it’ll take a lot more healing and stuff to be more connected but she’s right there enough to sense a shift in MC’s internal self.

Drenwin, while he doesn’t have a physical or mental sense, is also more attuned to others and the earth just by way of having magic. He’ll pick up on it, though he wouldn’t know what he was looking for, but he’ll know something is off.

namara and vale would need more time. Vale can read people really well (part of the job) but they’d brush it off as MC’s problem to deal with (they wouldn’t want to feel like they’re prying. Vale takes their privacy and others seriously.)

Ceris is not good dealing with people outside of their church, so they’d take the longest.

[scriptlgbt]

I'm writing a story and I'd like to how trans people get/treat STDs. If they haven't had bottom surgery is it no different than someone with those parts who is cis? But if they have, what differences are there? How about someone with no genitals?

In general it's pretty much the same as it would be for cis people. Bloodwork and a urine sample are the standard, and aren't really any different based on what someone's genitalia is like.

Pap smears and other sorts of exams can be dysphoria inducing as well, and there's some situation where it may be difficult to use a speculum because of atrophy (which can be for all sorts of reasons, hormones, vaginismus, imperforate hymen, intersex stuff). And people whose vaginas are surgically constructed don't typically have a cervix, so pap smears don't really get done as far as I know. (Sometimes speculums are used for other things though, like making sure everything is healing right, trimming or removing stitches from surgery, etc.)

But for the most part, the differences for STI testing specifically are mostly social, and can go different ways based on who is administering the test. Pap smears are in particular stressful for trans people who may have genitalia that's been altered by hormones. (I know it's irrational but the worry about getting a boner during a pap test, for instance, has crossed my mind a lot.)

Some other testing can be thrown for a loop because of the way procedure etiquette works. I had to have a transvaginal ultrasound once to check for ovarian cysts and there were definitely parts of it that were weird for me. (Transvaginal ultrasounds involve the ultrasound wand going inside the front hole for an accurate reading of specific parts of the reproductive system.) For instance, the ultrasound tech was a cis man and as part of their protocol, a cis woman nurse had to be in the room while I underwent this procedure. I hadn't asked about that ahead of time or really thought anything about it - I was in the emergency room trying to get to the bottom of extreme abdominal pain and I figured I could endure what I needed to. But in an ideal world, I'd be able to ask for a non cis person to be in the room with me I think. (I came in an ambulance, which would not take my partner with me.) (It turned out to be a 4mm kidney stone by the way, no ovarian cysts.)

Another anecdote that may be relevant to this topic is that sometimes doctors get weird about not knowing what you're testing for, because they don't know what body parts you have (and which were added at what points, made of what material). Prior to the transvaginal ultrasound, a doctor asked me what "chromosomes" I had. I honestly told him I did not know, I hadn't ever had a karyotype test as far as I knew. The doctor stumbled over himself a lot and I don't remember what else he said right after that, other than he was fumbling, got corrected, and that he was clearly Trying His Best. I interrupted the second or third useless question with, "are you asking if I have ovaries in case it might be a burst ovarian cyst or something?"

He was instantly relieved and said yes, so I told him.

There's a big problem I've noticed, that when people talk about these sorts of topics, they aren't specific enough in order to address what they mean. We use euphemisms like "assigned female" because people don't know that someone "assigned female" can have literally any body type. People seem afraid to name body parts, so they use euphemisms that rely on stereotypes and assumptions in order to be understood. But when you realize that people "assigned female" can be intersex, can have hysterectomies, can have testes, can have phalloplasties, and that everyone's parts are more or less analogous (skenes gland = prostate, etc), you realize how useless these broad categories are. If you want to ask if someone could carry a pregnancy, ask if they could carry a pregnancy. Not if they have certain chromosomes or were DFAB. Specifics matter. If I knew I was XY, that doctor would probably have assumed that the pattern of people with XY chromosomes not menstruating would include me. And if I did have ovarian cysts, or even a pregnancy, this could have dramatically impacted my health outcomes. (There have been stillbirths because of situations like this where people did not act fast enough because of ignorance around trans bodies.) I could have given in and guessed my chromosomes when the doctor asked, but what if my answer turned out to not be true? And what if the lack of confidence in my answer saved my life in some way?

I realize this is pretty far deviated from your original topic, but in terms of testing difficulties, it does feel like the sort of anecdote that would be very informative about these issues.

- mod nat

[bewitchedbewilderedbisexual]

honestly i thought the same about eddie and marisol dating for 7 months. i saw people saying ‘she was barely in the episode so clearly she’s not important!’ but like….. she’s clearly already an established and normal part of his domestic life, so doesn’t need a big dramatic introduction, instead she got a casual ‘all you need to know is she’s in eddies house looking after his kid with him’

i will always clown about buddie canon and not to be a downer but i won’t lie, i’m worried about eddie and marisol as a couple. especially as edy’s instagram comment last night suggests she’s still filming

So I've been thinking about this more on timeline, and it may just be a technicality so hang with me :)

When Eddie calls Marisol, he's already healed up after the bridge collapse that happened in May. He broke his ribs, so I am putting that healing time at 6 weeks (really it would be like 2-3 months, but in the world of 9-1-1 everyone heals super quick lol). So they most likely went out around end of July, early August. Then probably became more serious a month later. So I will put their actual relationship length at about 4 months (maybe 5) when this season starts. Nova clarified that the season most likely does start in March (per what they've done prior), therapy being in January, so the original number stands: 6/7 months.

However, the interesting thing is that it is never mentioned or showed Eddie talking about the incident with Christopher with Marisol. Since she's already been introduced to him, my natural assumption would be to talk it out with a partner I'd hope to integrate into the family.

As far as the relationship itself lasting, I am not worried. They (TPTB) have repeated this same pattern of relationships with Buck and Eddie since the beginning. Concerning the actress, keep in mind, she's a vessel for the character. We are only interested in the character (I would hope). If she is a terrible human outside of what she portrays on TV, that is for the 9-1-1 team to worry about.

FOURTH WALL, PEOPLE!

You don't think they have social media managers keeping an eye on what is said online, not just by the fans, but the people they bring on the show? If there is action to be taken, they will, and/or they consider them to be such a non-entity that they sweep it under the rug until she's gone from the show. Very rarely do they (TPTB) take public action.

[anthonybialy]

Record-Setting Biden, In His Way

Recency bias leads those nursing welts thinking present pain must be the most agonizing.  Yet many equipped with memories remain aware of what happened five minutes earlier, which shocks liberals who are baffled every time their hideous nonsense harms humanity again.  Give it a few years, which will offer the context of realizing their world-healing garbage really was dreadful.  Historians who want to wrap up their shifts before lunch don’t have to wait to render a verdict on someone who has failed in every regard.  Joe Biden sucks.

Exhibit sophistication in a way a grabby dolt never illustrates by analyzing just how badly he’s performed on individual issues.  Biden’s status as contender for the worst president ever is not an outlandishly partisan suggestion or hyperbole exacerbated by experiencing present woe.  The agonizing task’s greatest challenge of narrowing an abundance of examples is precisely unlike a list of his accomplishments.  Coming up with things that have improved under Biden’s watch is like finding a valuable dollar.

Life is even more treacherous than usual either by design or putzing.  Political scientists can explain to unsophisticated voters why their suffering is occurring.  The difference may not register.  

Which of the two regrettable styles of Democrats is the incumbent?  The man who misses hiding in the vice president’s office isn’t really an Obama-style schemer dedicated to tearing down from the inside in order to control decline to his liking.  This term is more like fixing a flat tire with duct tape.  The inscrutable question is fitting for such a fascinatingly enigmatic president.  We may never learn Biden’s favorite cereal mascot.  The box featuring the Froot Loops bird is an unobtainable luxury.

Pondering how a prototypical nursing home resident got to be head of state out of millions of American options will only deepen depression.  That’s fine with this president, who’s a drug dealer getting customers hooked by making life miserable.  I suppose it’s good for business, although it’s not like he owns the government.  He certainly wasn’t going to invent his own enterprise.

Please enjoy some corruption to distract from ineptness.  There’s no other way to find peace presently, so enjoy what your caring president hands you.  Thinking every other rich person is the same is the most irritating assumption made by grifting politicians.  The only thing worse than unhinged cynicism is imposing it on everyone else.

Punishing the successful in a way they never do illegal immigrants or legal felons has provided exactly the incentives expected by everyone but White House staffers.  As with every other wretched notion joyless nitwits believe, the fact they must impose their ideas never tips them off to their inherent lousiness.  Public office-holding embodies such nobility that you shouldn’t ask them to empty their pockets.  Biden loves the self-checkout line.

Ruining everything by coercion is as noble as it gets.  We’re all to blame, thanks to those who roped in everyone else by law.  The type of politicians who dream of control want none of the credit, which sure is selfless of them.  Molesters of your rights really believe in collective action.  We are truly all in this together.

This nation is blessed to be equipped with a president who tells us how to live.  Velcro doesn’t fasten itself, which nobody knows better than Biden.  People couldn’t possibly provide child care or know what kind of cars will make it out of sight of the driveway without collective action.  Someone else gets to decide what action gets to be collective.

A snotty demand for selflessness based in taking what belongs to others could be deliberately ironic in the right hands, which means it’s not.  Your authorities never ponder just why so many people need help under their rule.  Commonplace poverty must be the fault of villainous conglomerates who spurred inflation to somehow profit off potential customers not being able to muster up funds.

Being this bad on purpose seems like it’s too tricky for the present temp staffer.  The paranoid notion makes sense if you realize who’s filling the chair.  A conniving plan to screw up with government in order to save us with more of it may have been engineered by nefarious underlings with IQs higher than room temperature.  The executive is out.

Life is surely going well if debate revolves around whether this woeful branch has been attempting to seize your choices as strategy or just does so in response to whatever they wrecked yesterday.  The net result is the same if anyone feared the only thing that could cause damage is a pernicious ideology.

Overusing power can only get worse if the stupidest jerk is in charge.  It’s not like this White House turned life into a trip to Disney World.  It only feels like a Magic Kingdom trip in the modern woke version where visitors spend 783 dollars on lunch in order to endure a lecture about sanctimonious tolerance.  Can we just wait in line for Space Mountain?

Democrats finally got the popular vote they wanted.  Circumventing states is not the only way they want to ruin the nation.  Contempt for being left alone motivates every decision by a White House that we wish couldn’t be bothered.

There can’t possibly be anyone enjoying this.  Scheduled monthly praising of pathetic job growth is a fake joy that’s fact-checked back into depression.  Russian soldiers and Iranian centrifuge technicians appreciate career opportunities, but they haven’t crossed the border yet.

Perspective makes agonies like this presidency worse.  A ceaseless irritation is not going to improve over time, which is fitting in its way.  Biden’s ironically shown himself to be an expert over time on not thinking ahead.  The lasting contribution will be unintentional, namely perfect example of why abused and overextended authority is limited.  Biden makes the case against Biden.

[bambamramfan]

Sim-Modernism

I've been thinking about the endless war between Modernism and Post-Modernism. Not even a debate, since so much of the discussion is about even defining the borders and who is on what side. To restate things:

Modernism is the James Scott sense of a belief that we can figure out the rules and principles - behind the universe, life sciences, sociology, morality and ethics - and our leaders can apply them to create an ordered and just society. The Enlightenment was big on Modernism, and really Marxism was its apex.

Post-Modernism is the post-WW1 understanding that none of these rules ever consistently work and the world is nigh-impossible to understand, and any rules we *think* we have about the world are really just stories we tell ourselves, to justify our position in society or to advance one political side over another. It's very meta, often in the Bulverist sense. This is what current Marxists actually sound like.

(Pre-Modernism just being the regular traditionalist "I do this because my ancestors' ancestors were doing this hundreds of years ago. And because God, speaking through His divinely chosen ruler, tells me to or else He will strike me dead.")

A key thing about both of these philosophical schools is that they can't really be disproven. If a modernist regime fails, obviously they just had bad laws instead of good laws, or the people didn't try hard enough to stick to these principles. And post-modernism never fails, it's failure is just a story *you* tell to justify your opposition to it.

(Really you should think of both of these as tools to analyze situations with, sometimes even using both tools on the same situation and asking yourself which is more useful in this moment. But anyway.)

I'm not going to resolve the war between these things today, but just talk about another *modernism I see that is neither of these.

***

Let's talk about World of Warcraft.

It's the extremely big MMO that has had millions of players for well over a decade now. In the beginning, we knew nothing about the undercarriage of how the game worked (what items dropped from what, how good they were, etc.) Over time we figured out some principles, and we got large forums called "Elitist Jerks" where people argued over the best classes, the best ability rotations, the best gear, etc etc. They referenced guides and came up with general theories and had vibrant conversations. This is clear modernism.

Then almost all the conversations died, and people talk very little on the forums last I checked, compared to years at its prime.

What happened? Politics and post-modernism?

No, what happened was Big Data.

Eventually someone built a downloadable tool called simcraft. It knew every spell, boss, item, and talent in the game. You could just input all your gear, the skills you used, the order you used them in rotation, the general style of fight and... hit a button and it would tell you how much damage per second (DPS) you would do with perfect execution.

This is in some ways a cludge. Few of us have perfect execution, after all. And this doesn't cover utility, tanking, and healing and so those needed other sims with more assumptions. And there were a number of errors anyone could find with its assumptions. But it at least gave a concrete answer to argue over.

Now anytime anyone had a question of "is this talent underrated, because combined with this weapon, on this fight you could..." and the only answer would be "sim it." If sims reliably showed your new idea was better, the top raiders would drift to that, and then the way they did things would trickle down to everyone else. No one really had to argue about which class was the best - there were numbers for it.

The "skill" of the world of warcraft community got better, and the discourse of it dimmed. Just sim it.

Now this would just be an anecdote about games, except for the fact that Big Data is entering more and more of our life.

If you have any problem that can be addressed by throwing it at GIANT FUCKTON OF DATA, now people do that. We often don't know *why* the correlation between two things is the way it is, but we know it's correlated now.

Our incipient AI's aren't Asimovian entities built on three principles taken to their logical conclusions. They're neural nets trained on a ton of data and reinforced with adjustments to hell and back. They give very good answers (and beat us at boardgames.) We generally don't have any modernist explanation for what they are thinking or what rules they are following.

While manipulating training sets is as old as data science, with big data we are talking about sets too big for naive actors to change a few datum and get the answers they want (plus part of this mythos is that anyone can run the simulations themselves if they want to.) The simulations are still built very much on human error, but they are too large and incomprehensible to be easily hijacked by postmodernists into giving the simple answers they want (or rather, that they claim ideologues want.)

This is Sim-Modernism.

We don't just see it in videogame sims and GPT outputs. We see it when someone asks our favorite route from NYC to Philadelphia and we answer "...I just follow whatever Google tells me to." We see it in the most famous political prognosticator of our era not making a simple political model (like Sam Wang would), but rather the model with the most inputs they can imaginably throw in, run the simulation 10,000 times, and see what the results look like. Nate Silver has some idea why his models will favor one party or the other, but he still is in the dark often on what is going on "under the hood." And most of all we see it in algorithms on social media and video sites, that are trained to get the most "engagement" from audiences, and so start throwing up bizarre recommendations that no tech executive would have predicted or even wanted.

A lot of the answers Sim-Modernism gives are pretty good! And even more useful, they are plentiful. Sim-Modernism isn't limited to theorizing what a good novel is, it can generate a new one in seconds, or hundreds of new novels for you to read, once it gets good enough.

I'm not celebrating this as "WE HAVE THE ANSWER that cuts the Gordian knot of modernism." Sim-Modernism does get more accuracy than either regular Modernism or Post - but it's obviously scary in its own way. It means running or being a part of a system that you don't know how it works or where it is really leading you.

(Has anyone else had the experience of driving well out of your way because Google says this path is faster, only to find it eventually requires you to drive through an area you wouldn't have - either because construction means it's really blocked, or it's a suburb that feels like cheating to treat as a bypass?)

And, it will feel sad, in a humanistic way, to live a life that is more efficient but not to understand any of its underpinnings. Do this because "the sim said it is optimal" is not a lot more satisfying than "because your father did and your father's father did..."

And of course, we will have to deal with "whether a computer code that is just regurgitating predictions based on a very large sample of text" is a person or not when it answers questions.

[unpredictablestuff]

A hose by any other name would taste as sweet

I also make fun of the "we weren't allowed inside and drank from the hose" Gen X trope. I mean seriously, we didn't WANT to go inside. Outside was freedom. And inside did not mean air conditioning.

But I've had time to think more about it and like so many things the "we drank from a hose" is probably shorthand for things we can't explain. Things I did experience.

They called us the latch key generation because working mothers became a thing before day care did, but it was something more than that. Adults were tired and they didn't want to talk about why.

I was born the summer of 1968, as cities were burning with violence over the murder of Martin Luther King Jr. and Nixon was running for president on his secret plan to end the war that would go on another five years. And it would probably be another five years after that before I knew we'd fought a war and lost.

Despite a natural interest in the news, I learned about the unrest roiling the US at the time of my birth from an offhand comment in a TV documentary in the 80s, delivered with the assumption that everyone knew what it meant. My ears perked up. That was when I was born after all. But no more explanation was given. And without an internet I wasn't going to find out soon. Given that the sexual revolution was old news and I never believed in Santa Claus, the silence about the summer of 1968 made it the only subject of adult silence I ever experienced. But the Woodstock music festival of the following year? Media mentions of it rivaled the moon landing. Which had happened just weeks before it and which no, I do not remember.

The birth rate dropped and dropped and dropped during those years. About 4,300,000 babies were born in 1957, but 16 years later the number was almost down to 3,100,000. That's a drop of half a million more than we've seen since US births peaked a second time at an almost identical level in 2007. There’s no need to go over what’s happened since then.

But in the 1970s no one was worrying about low birth rates. Quite the opposite. People didn't know that science was going to save the planet from the famines that looked inevitable. The pessimism wasn't confined to any age or group. It was everywhere.

Adults threw themselves into alcohol, drugs, work, religion, or "key parties" (which I suspect were mostly an urban legend but also said something about what people were feeling at the time). In 1974, movie fans flocked to theaters to see disaster movies packed with stars lining up for a turn to expire on the silver screen. The world was ending. Might as well enjoy it.

The Vietnam War went on years longer than anyone wanted. People forget that Nixon was elected in 1968 by claiming he had a secret plan to end the war. The sticking point was the idea of ending the war by losing it, so instead the US spent five bloody years pursuing “an honorable end to the war” before finally admitting that losing was the only way out.

After Nixon’s astounding reelection, the first time a US election map had ever looked like THAT, the Arab oil embargo served as the declaration of independence of Middle Eastern oil-producing nations. They kicked off an inflationary wave and introduced the concept of stagflation to the US. Imagine 2022 but with unemployment. Nixon fought back with price controls and lapel pins. Surprisingly, neither worked.

By 1975, things were finally settling down. Nixon was thrown out of office. The never-elected Gerald Ford threw himself on his political sword to pardon him and supposedly heal the nation. The long-running Vietnam War came to a complete halt as North Vietnam finally swallowed up the corrupt pro-western government of the south. The US welcomed the first wave of Vietnamese refugees, which the nation’s conscience (imagine that) wouldn’t allow us to turn away.

The economy started picking up. With the end of the Vietnam War the Cold War, still in its “friendlier” détente period, had actually cooled. At least on the news. In prime time, the Jeffersons moved on up. An unknown actor named Sylvester Stallone was yelling “Adrian” from movie screens across the country. ABBA sang “Mamma Mia.” Baby boomers did the Hustle. Pant legs widened. Platform shoes rose. Charlie’s Angels proved that two beautiful blonde women and their also beautiful but “sensible” brunette friend could play detectives and strong action heroes under the direction of two men. The Muppets played the music and lit the lights as Jim Henson made a permanent place in Gen X hearts as the only adult to get us. We watched “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away” scroll past us in Star Wars episode…wait…IV? On Saturday nights, non-muppets Grover, Isaac and Julie served happy endings to B-list stars playing average folks on Love Boat and then Ricardo Montalban welcomed more B-list stars to the Fantasy Island where hubristic rich types got their well-earned comeuppances.

And as you can see, I couldn’t stand to sit in the dark of the early 70s, even though that is precisely what I’d set out to describe. Adults came out of their defensive shells. But the broken relationship between adults and children, whatever it had been in previous decades, could not be repaired.

Gen X says “We drank out of the hose!” because we can’t say “When we were little no one wanted kids, adults literally bought rocks for pets and our parents didn’t have the spoons to parent us even in an awkward 50s style.”

 Sometimes a hose ISN’T just a hose.

[invisiblegarters]

The End of the World With You Ep 7

Here we are at the penultimate episode. Are you excited? I’m excited. Somehow this show and Bed Friend are my favorite things currently airing.

Man Ritsu is really reflecting on his choices, huh? Have to say that I didn’t expect it, and I do sort of wonder how long he’s been doing so. Presence of the death pill makes me think longer than the world has been ending. 

Ooh some Ritsu backstory! I wonder if it’ll make me feel more sympathy for him. I’m sure that’s the intention. 

Oh my gosh. Why are parents so awful lately in these dramas? Like who tells their child that they can’t go to the best uni in Japan just because the legitimate kid didn’t get in? Good lord. Parents really do need to stop taking their own screw ups out on their kids. I don’t like Ritsu much, but it’s not actually his fault that his dad cheated on his wife with his mom. Like. Ugh. That little look towards his mom kinda hurt me a bit. No help there, buddy. 

In a way I can see why Ritsu’s life mantra is what it is. Pretty much everyone in his life seems to live that way, after all. But

Ah, so Masumi was special. As special as I guess anyone can be to Ritsu. And ooh, nice to see him acknowledging finally exactly what he did to cause the breakup. I’m like a broken record, but there’s nothing wrong with being unable or unwilling to commit to one person so long as everyone is aware and understand / agrees with the situation. But Ritsu knew that Masumi was the one person type. He knew, and so he selfishly tried to have his cake and eat it. Now, Masumi made a lot of assumptions (never ever believe that a player has or will change for you. it’s a sure way to find yourself heartbroken) but Ritsu knew he was making them and let him keep on because he knew that if Masumi ever found out that he was still sleeping with whoever it would be the end. 

And I definitely don’t blame their old friend for telling him to keep the hell away when Ritsu made noises about contacting Masumi again. It was a messy break up and a wound that never quite healed over for Masumi, I would say the same if I were his friend. Sometimes you don’t get do overs (unless, I guess, the world is going to end in a matter of days. That would kind of make a lot of things seem less important overall).

That said, I think it’s pretty obvious that Ritsu is depressed and has convinced himself that this is just one more reason he’s the devil incarnate or something. Like there’s something fundamentally broken inside of him. 

I disagree with that line of thought. Oh boy do I. 

I’m also wholly unsurprised that the first thing Ritsu does after being confronted with his worst failures is go straight for the death pill. Yeah he’s only got to live with himself for what? Two, three more days? but I can see how that might seem like forever when all you can think about is what a shit person you are and how you hurt everyone around you. Ritsu’s been flirting with that pill for a long time.

Ritsu in a nutshell: makes a selfish decision, regrets it, makes an even more selfish decision. My dude.

Masumi’s breakdown upon finding him trying to do the thing finally was really well done. 

Turn a blind eye all you like Masumi but maybe get that other pill away from Ritsu just in case eh?

Aw, I’m really glad that Masumi told Ritsu he’s grateful for being dragged out of his inertia. Although my goodness The guy’s been beating himself up about it so much that even I feel a little for him, ha. I’m also grateful that the corpse disposal wasn’t needed after all. That might have put a damper on Masumi’s new ten day lease on life. 

I bet the cold water feels really good on his hurt ankle, too.

Not entirely sure I am buying into the romance, I have to say, but this drama is so rich in other ways that I’m not even bothered. In a very big way it’s not even really about the romance, anyway. 

I will be sad when it ends. And not just because I don’t really believe it’s going to end happily. 

Damn, I love this drama. 

[rurpleplayssims]

“Sorry about earlier” Emmy said, deciding it was better to be honest and admit that she might well be overthinking all that was happening between them. She’d been hoping Alon would notice her in this way for months and she was still stunned that he had made his move. “I’m just a bit...”

“Nervous?” Alon offered.

Emmy winched “A bit, yeah.”

“I was nervous too” he told her with kindness. “But it feels right with you. So why stress?”

“So, when did you wanna move in? Before or after the twins get here?” Briony asked her fiancé. 

“I think when you go on your maternity leave” Jed told her. “Maybe sooner. Our house is almost ready. You sure Sylvie’s ok with me staying a few nights?”

“Course she is” Briony told him. “Sylvie approves of you and you’re looking after me.”

“I try my best” he amended. 

She snorted “Babe, you’re treating me better than anyone else has. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Don’t sell yourself short.”

“I love you Briony” he told her with a heart-warming smile.

She lent forward and gave him a lingering kiss “Meh, you’re alright.”

They both laughed.

“So, are we staying at yours or mine tonight?”

“You can come over to mine” Tyler said. “More privacy that way.”

“You make it sound like my place has paper thin walls!” Victoria laughed.

“It does” Tyler replied, winking at her. “Remember when Emmy said she thought she heard us and we had to play it cool?”

“Oh yeah” Victoria giggled. “Ok fine, we’ll head to yours tonight.”

“I think the day’s going very well” Thomas told his bride. “Putting our feelings about today aside, everyone looks like they’re enjoying themselves. You did very well to plan all of this.”

“You helped, remember?” Althea reminded him softly. “But yes, I’m happy that everyone appears to be as happy as we are.”

“You dance really well.”

“What did you expect from a werewolf?” Luke asked with a laugh.

Becky shrugged “No expectations, just glad to know you’ve not trodden on my feet yet.”

“Did you think anymore on the offer that Althea gave you?”

“Gave us, you mean?” she corrected. “Yeah I have...and I’m quite tempted to go for it. Just scared I’m underestimating the task.”

He was shaking his head silently before she finished her sentence. “You’re not underestimating the work. You’re thinking ahead, asking Althea for any and all resources and answers to possible hurdles. I think you’ll be perfect for the role and I’m happy to be your second-in-command whilst Althea and Thomas are on their break.”

“We’d best let them know that we’ve made up our minds then” Becky said, an excited gleam in her eyes.

Matthew was impressed with Sylvie and her way of thinking. 

To some, it was almost cruel but it was just brutally honest. He was surprised by he’d been able to ask her tentatively about her supernatural abilities. He was tactful, deciding not to ask her any questions that would make her compromise her safety.

Sylvie, for her part, was put at ease by Matthew’s common sense and his sense of doing the right thing. But under the surface, she sensed he was hurting and wasn’t willing to let anybody see. 

After twenty more minutes of talking, she broached the subject. “Have you heard from Deidre?”

Matthew blinked, completely caught off-guard by the question. In the past few weeks since she’d been kicked out of town, he’d tried not to think of his elderly friend. He’d not mentioned Deidre to Sylvie so he had no idea why or how she knew about her banishment. But then, Sylvie was a supernatural being who knew things when others didn’t. 

“How did you-” he started to ask.

“I know things” she said simply, confirming his assumption. “Don’t worry, I shan’t compromise her healing or spread it around town, you have my word.”

He cleared his throat “No, she’s...she’s refused to take my phone calls actually.”

Sylvie could see the open hurt and pain in the therapist’s eyes.

She decided that he needed some reassurance “She will heal Matthew” she told him gently. “And when she’s better, she will reach out to you.”

“How is it working at the Chronicle?” Helen asked.

“I only started on Friday for my induction” Dominic admitted. “But Cheryl’s working with Briony and I think she might be keeping an eye on the office when Briony goes on her maternity leave. But I’m looking forward to it!”

“I always liked writing” Helen said thoughtfully. “But I never has the patience for it.”

“But you had the patience to learn to play the violin?” Dominic asked, amused. She’d already admitted her love of music.

[lucere-aeresta]

Every fucking thing about China and certain aspects of East Asian culture triggers me. It is insufferable. Everyone's benevolence and innocent assumption turn out to be poisonous for me. I never personally feel the concept of gender, yet I learned to empathize with transgender people from, lacking a better word or analogy, "cultural dysphoria".

There is a paradox for me: The people who understand my cultural background would mostly identify with the culture and shun me; the people who don't simply can't understand my struggle, or even think of me being racist or discriminating against certain country of origin; the people who experience the same as I do either never got the proper opportunity to heal, or go to another extreme--a lot of them are toxic, triggering, and suffering themselves. They can't help me, nor could I them.

You know what about the Frogwares' Sherlock attracts me the most? One thing was described well in the artbook, in the "Welcome to Cordona" section at the beginning.

"But deep down, he is dark and disillusioned...he is reality a permanent stranger to others."

"But behind the praise and satisfaction of his vanity, the pain remains: he is and will always be out of step with society."

Sherlock Holmes is well loved by neurodivergent people and they self-project all the diagnoses and personally struggles into this character. Someone also head-canon him to be a transman. I used to be mad at some of the self-projection, but now I understand, agree or not, them all.

He is a hermit in the largest, busiest city in the world. He is an outcast who is praised and respected for his skills.

I don't even think he is vain. It is not vanity, but a meager substitute for a sense of belonging and being loved, the struggle between the need for, and the lack of, human connection, due to one's being different from most others, negatively or positively.

I am living a relatively comfortable life now, at least materially. Not as successful as him, but not too much to complain. I even got a job I like.

But there is always that emptiness, that I can see in this character and feel within myself. In the artbook, when I read the part "his impatience, his contempt, and his boredom, described in Conan Doyle's work, are the salt of his character." I immediately knew that he can be a mirror that I would love to look into.

In SHCO, the topic of trauma and healing resonates with me so well that after so long I still can't get over it. There is so much that makes sense to me, that I can take as part of me, and never let go.

Being neurodivergent, or trans, or just being "weird", or in the wrong culture...whatever it is, you are bound to be hurt, isolated, and never belong. You can't be the one fitting the norm, nor can you be your true self due to all the doubt accumulated over the ages.

Dilwyn told Sherlock, "You desperately hope to find somewhere you belong, but you never will. Nowhere, no one, will ever be enough."

Yes, no one will be enough, because you are different; you are the unwanted; you are taught by the world that you are not enough. You either deal with that by believing the world is not enough for you, or accept that you are never enough for the world. Either way is the path to suffering.

What is the saddest part of this? Not that we all suffer, but the fact that we all suffer so differently that we can't possibly understand each other's suffering; that one's suffering is triggering to another. Our hearts are spiky huggers. Love hurts.

Then I think about Sherlock again, the one in Frogwares games and the one in canon. The young, fragile man who has suffered so much and is looking for a path of healing, and the old, lonely detective who rarely got a chance to see his beloved friend since retirement.

It hurts me; it also comforts me; it haunts me; it also saves me. I feel less lonely and more peaceful, by being with the greatest detective who has never lived.