#i think every show that hits six seasons should do a musical episode

[why-is-it-always-autumn]

How did Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 6 Episode 7 Once More With Feeling sprint so that later shows* could stand dead still interpreting "musical episode" as "the characters put on an existing musical and stop the plot dead to do covers of songs that vaguely relate to them. Maybe we make some single-episode subplots with no follow up so the characters fit the songs better?"

*not you, Scrubs, you're doing amazing and we're glad you're here

[xerxia31]

the Big Bang - an Everlark ficlet

Inspired by a story I read on CNN, that I couldn’t get out of my head. A warning - there are shades of dub-con here that may be disturbing to some readers. Rated M.

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Peeta Mellark was fit to be tied.

“I don’t know what you want me to say here, boy,” Haymitch drawled. “You knew where these characters were heading when you signed on.”

“Come on, Haymitch,” Peeta growled. He was standing in Haymitch Abernathy’s office, holding the week’s script while Haymitch, head writer and executive producer of the hit series The Arena, in which Peeta starred, stared at him from under a mop of greasy, overlong hair. Until now, Peeta had loved working on the show, loved the ensemble cast, loved the interesting storylines and well-written scripts.

But not today.

“They’ve been growing together slowly for three damned seasons and now, this week, bam!” Peeta clapped his hands for emphasis, “out of nowhere you have three fucking sex scenes in the script.” For three seasons the show had been teasing a relationship between the character Peeta played, macho FBI agent Barley St James, and his shy, brainy colleague, Allium Winterland. It was a fantastic story, well paced, the dialogue between them always fun. Nearly three years they’d been teasing the audience with it.

And now this week’s script turned everything on it’s head. “You’re just screwing with us.” There was no way the timing was coincidental. Because the actress who played Allium, the actress he’d be stripping down to his skivvies and dry-humping with on national television? She was none other than his now-ex-girlfriend.

Haymitch glanced away. Peeta thought it was in shame until Haymitch spoke.

“You might as well come in, Sweetheart,” Haymitch said, and Peeta spun to look behind him. “We were talking about you.”

Katniss Everdeen was standing just outside Haymitch’s open door. It was the first time Peeta had laid eyes on her in the flesh in two weeks. Two fucking weeks! He hadn’t seen her since the night she walked out of their house.

He knew where she’d gone though, the whole fucking world did. All of the gossip rags, and even the more reputable news sites, were reporting how her on again off again affair with one Gale Hawthorne, star of multiple movie franchises and People magazine’s sexiest man alive 2018, was definitely on again. 

“Story of my life,” Katniss muttered as she walked the rest of the way through the door, schooling her expression into a dispassionate scowl as she did. Peeta had no idea why she went into acting, he could read her every emotion through the impassive mask. He always could. Today was no exception, her mask might be in place, but her eyes were flashing with fury, and something that looked suspiciously like hurt.

She didn’t acknowledge Peeta at all, striding into the room on silent feet and stopping a solid six feet away. Her arms were crossed protectively over her chest, but her copy of the script was clenched in one fist. No doubt she’d been planning on storming in here to blast Haymitch. But Peeta beat her to it.

“Save your breath, Sweetheart,” Haymitch said. “Like I told the boy, you knew this was coming.”

“It’s fine,” she said, shooting a cool look in Peeta’s direction. “I’m a professional.” Then she turned, and strutted back out the door, back straight, long, black braid swinging. He could only watch, jaw clenched.

“Brrr,” Haymitch said. “You two have got a lot of warming up to do before showtime.” He was right, of course, and Peeta knew it. The audience would be expecting a pair of lovebirds. Not two people who could barely look each other in the eye.

“Whatever,” Peeta grunted. She wanted to play it that way? He could be cold too.

o-o-o

The table read went smooth as silk. Katniss sat on one side of the room, chatting lightly with their costar Delly Cartwright between scenes, Peeta sat on the other, joking with Cressida Faulkner, who was directing that week’s episode. Most of the cast had no clue Peeta and Katniss had broken up, because most of them never knew they’d been an item at all. Haymitch had figured it out somehow, clearly, but none of the other cast noticed anything was amiss. 

The following day’s rehearsal, not so much. Rehearsals were always in costume and filmed, so that the production team could splice in any good bits that came out of them. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence in TV, especially in a weekly series where time was tight. Peeta was used to it.

His first few scenes were fine, his lines came easily, he hit every mark. Then came the first scene he and Katniss shared that week, the one that led up to the first of the three fucking sex scenes. 

She walked onto the set, and Peeta’s heart did a slow tumble in his chest. She was utterly beautiful, her hair loose and flowing, and wearing a dress patterned with autumn leaves. Soft orange, his favourite colour.

The colour of heartbreak.

They both stumbled through their lines, avoiding each other's eyes, interacting stiffing and unnaturally. Cressida halted the scene over and over again. It was a huge drag on the rest of the cast, slowing down everything.

Peeta’s only solace was that Katniss looked as miserable as he felt.

Peeta left as soon as rehearsal ended and headed for the gym. The call sheet had them both in an evening meeting at the studio, and he was going to need to work off some steam before he faced her again.

He should have asked, though, what the meeting was about. Because when he got back to the studio he found Katniss, dressed in leggings and a tiny little tank top, her face bare and so pretty, sitting cross-legged on a gym mat and chatting with a willowy brunette who gave off crunchy granola vibes. “Did I miss the memo about mandatory yoga?” he drawled. 

Katniss scowled, but the brunette smiled beatifically. “Hello Mr. Mellark,” she said softly, her voice like windchimes, musical and irritating. “I’m Annie Cresta, your intimacy coordinator.”

Peeta was too confused to make a joke. “My what now?”

Annie laughed. “Intimacy coordinator,” she repeated. “It’s my job to choreograph simulated sex scenes for actors.”

“I think we know how sex works,” Peeta grumbled, and Katniss flushed, obvious without the stage makeup caked on her skin, then looked down at her lap. But Annie was undeterred.

“Of course,” she said gently. “But it’s about more than just choreography. It’s about helping you both to be comfortable, about navigating respect and consent and keeping the set safe.”

Peeta had heard about this, once before maybe, in the wake of the #metoo movement. But he’d never worked with one before. Katniss must have requested it. Figured she couldn’t even trust him to be a professional on the set. “With all due respect, Ms. Cresta,” Peeta said. “I don’t think we need this. We’ve both filmed scenes like this before.” Not with each other, but that was a minor point.

Katniss, to his surprise, looked inclined to agree. Annie just smiled.

“Not negotiable, I’m afraid,” she said. “All of Panem Entertainment’s productions must have an intimacy coordinator on set.” Peeta frowned, they were in the third season of filming, he’d never seen Annie before. As if reading his mind, she nodded. “I worked with Thresh Watts and Rue Lamonte last year.” That scene had been filmed on a closed set, Peeta had seen the finished product, but not any of the lead-up, and it hadn’t occurred to him at the time to ask about it.

Peeta sighed, and resigned himself to having a stranger teach him how to have fake sex with his real ex-girlfriend.

“Have a seat,” Annie said, indicating the mat beside Katniss. Peeta gritted his teeth, but he sat, his knee brushing hers.

She didn’t react.

“Now,” Annie said. “Communication is key.” Peeta snorted, and Katniss scowled at him. Communication. With the woman who had spoken a single word to him in the past 15 days. Sure. "The most important thing is that the people involved feel safe.”

“Why would we feel unsafe?” Peeta interrupted. There was a Cubs game on TV tonight, he’d rather be watching that.

Annie was unperturbed. “You're revealing a lot in a scene, you're going to places where you're vulnerable, and that requires an awful lot of trust," she said, looking pointedly between Peeta and Katniss. He wondered with some annoyance just how much Katniss had revealed to Annie about their situation before he’d walked in. “I have the script, and an outline of how your director wants it to look. But you two will need to talk with each other and with me and say, 'What are you comfortable with? What are you not comfortable with?'”

“I don’t want kissing,” Katniss blurted, then flushed again. “I mean,” she amended, “I’m not sure I can concentrate on both that and lines and choreography.” Peeta knew that was bullshit, in three seasons he could count on one hand the number of times Katniss had forgotten a line or missed a mark. 

She just didn’t want to kiss him. And it stung. 

Annie nodded. “We can work around that,” she said. “There will need to be some close up shots of you kissing, but they can be filmed separately from the simulated sex.”

Great, Peeta thought. Their characters had kissed a lot over the past three seasons, but that had been easy. They were both professionals, and kissing Katniss for the camera had been no big deal. Fun, even, in a comfortable, familiar way. Never sexual, there was always too much lipstick and stage makeup to worry about for there ever to be more than a peck. But steady, and comforting.

He doubted it’d be like that now. Or ever again.

“Let’s start with directorial expectations,” Annie began. “I’ve been given a timeline for the scenes and an outline of the specific angles that are expected. The most challenging part, from an intimacy perspective, is likely to be the third, which will be shot side angle with you, Peeta, on top of Katniss and no sheets to shield anything. We’ll have to block arms and leg placements carefully, and it’s likely you’ll both feel very vulnerable.”

Peeta didn’t see how that would be difficult, yet when Annie positioned him kneeling between Katniss’s thighs, a ridiculous little brocade cushion between their bodies, it was incredibly awkward. Katniss couldn’t hide in this position, with their faces only inches apart, and he couldn’t ignore, looking into her silver eyes, just how much he’d lost.

Two hours of rolling around on the floor, blocking arm and hand and leg movements sucked any sexy out of the scene. It felt robotic and contrived and awkward as hell. Katniss, for her part, looked fucking miserable. “Well,” Annie said finally. “I’m sensing some discomfort, so I think we should close for the evening.”

Peeta rolled onto his back on the mat and stared at the ceiling. Why was this so fucking hard? He was an actor, for god’s sake. He’d filmed sex scenes before, and none of them felt this shitty.

“I think we could do with a couple more rehearsals,” Annie said. “I’ll ask Cressida to schedule some.” Just fucking great, Peeta thought.

Annie floated away like an ethereal being. Katniss hung back, maybe to talk with him, maybe just to avoid Annie. But he wasn’t in the mood. He’d been subjected to her stony silences for two days, his heart hurt and his pride was dented and he just needed to get out and lick his wounds.

“Peeta,” Katniss said softly. Peeta held up his hand.

“Not now,” was all he said.

She scowled. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

Peeta almost leapt to his feet, his exhaustion morphing into rage. “Look, you haven’t said a damned word to me in weeks, you haven’t even come home for your things, and now you want to talk?” Peeta spat, cringing internally at his use of the word home to describe the house where they’d been living together until two weeks ago.

Katniss looked puzzled, under all of that anger. “Jo said you threw everything away.” Johanna Mason was a mutual… well... not quite friend. Peeta had often accompanied her to awards shows, in the early days of her career when she was concerned that if it got out that she preferred women, it would stop her from getting leading lady roles. She didn’t need to worry about that anymore, she was a bonafide A-lister these days, and her relationship with an adorably bubbly talk show host was in every magazine. But Jo generally had her own unknowable agenda and sometimes she liked to stir up shit just for fun. 

“You think I’d do that?” he asked, voice deceptively soft. He might have thought about it, fantasized about it really, when he found out who she was staying with. But he had more dignity than that, and she damned well should know it.

In fact, everything was exactly as she’d left it when she stomped out of their home, out of his life, 15 days ago. Her toothbrush was beside the bathroom sink, her favourite sweater on her favourite chair. A shabby silver-framed picture of her parents nestled between their awards. All of the homey pieces of her life, all of her simple treasures, abandoned. 

Katniss shrugged, like she didn’t care, like his worth, his honour, the life they’d built together, was inconsequential, and it just pissed Peeta off more. He hated her ice princess routine, hated how fucking above it all she was. She’d always been good at freezing him out, at making him chase her, but no more. He didn’t have to put up with her stone cold shit.

“Get you crap or I will toss it,” he seethed, walking away. She didn’t call after him, but then she never did.

o-o-o

Haymitch dropped two of the three sex scenes from the script. Peeta should have been relieved, he was relieved. But he also felt sick about it. Like he was destroying his career.

The tension on set was obvious and palpable now, and he knew it looked like he was the cause. Katniss, always quiet, remained quiet. But Peeta couldn’t fake it, once the cameras stopped. Cold didn’t come naturally to him, and too often he veered into mean and snappish. 

He had to figure out a way to get past this, to get past his anger, his hurt, and work with Katniss again. But he had no idea how.

Peeta leaned back in his favourite club chair, in the cozy den at the back of his house, and allowed himself to relive that day, the day it had all come crashing down. Until then, he’d thought he had it all, had the world in the palm of his hand. A great job, a comfortable home and the most radiant woman in the world in his bed every night. 

Katniss Everdeen had been a child star on a hugely popular sitcom. He knew her only by name when she showed up to screen test with him. He’d been expecting a cute little moppet. Instead, she was a silver-eyed stunner. And right off the bat, he was a goner.

They clicked, in almost every way. Working together was a joy, chatting together between takes a delight. He loved her intelligence and wry sense of humour. They moved from friends to more at breakneck speed, but it never felt too fast.

She was insistent that they keep a lid on their relationship, even when they eventually moved in together. He understood it, her previous relationship, also with a costar, had been documented to death, she’d been hounded and harassed by the paparazzi constantly, even now they followed her everywhere. He didn’t love keeping them a secret, but he loved Katniss, so he acquiesced. 

And that day, the day it all fell apart? It was supposed to be a good day, a great day. The first day of their two-week mid-season filming break. They had grand plans to do nothing but each other. Peeta had run a few errands, then stopped by his agent’s office to sign a couple of endorsement contracts.

That’s when the shit started.

“I figured you’d want to hear it from me first,” Finnick Odair, the best agent in the business, said with a grimace. He handed Peeta a tablet. Loaded up was the National Enquirer, his mother’s smirking face beside a promotional shot of Peeta and Katniss, and the headline, ‘It’s Real’. His fucking mother had struck again. It wasn’t the first time she’d sold Peeta out to the tabloids.

“Shit,” Peeta murmured. Not because the headline wasn’t true, it was. But Katniss guarded her privacy with clenched fists, and for two years, they’d barely let anyone in on their secret. Finn knew, but he was very discreet and like he’d said when Peeta had first hired him, he couldn’t protect Peeta unless he knew all of his secrets.

“She’s going to be pissed, huh?” Finn said sympathetically.

He didn’t know the half of it.

Peeta was in a foul temper and all he wanted was his quiet house and a couple of fingers of scotch before he had to deal with Katniss, who was sure to be furious. But no, he wouldn’t even get that. Because Rye was standing at his front door when he arrived home. Peeta groaned, and parked in front of the house, instead of pulling into the garage, where the door he generally entered by was. They’d chosen this place because the gated community was supposed to offer them more privacy and security. He was going to have to talk with the guard at the gate again. Just because Rye looked like his brother didn’t mean Peeta wanted him here. 

“Peet,” Rye said genially as Peeta unlocked the seldom-used front door. 

“What do you want, Rye?” Peeta really had no time for his brother’s bullshit, not that day of all days, and he hadn’t bothered hiding his annoyance.

“I can’t just pop by to see my little brother?” Rye never came by unless he wanted something. Often it was money. Rye seldom worked, preferring to live off his association with Peeta There were a lot of people in LA who would wine and dine the families of celebrities, looking for an in. Rye had brought him a few abominable scripts over the years from people who’d promised him a big finders fee if he could get Peeta to sign on.

“Cut to the chase, Rye,” Peeta said impatiently. There was a small liquor cabinet in the living room closest to the front door. Not that they ever lived in this room. It was only for show, the place where outsiders were held, away from the parts of the house where they actually did their living.

“Fine,” Rye laughed. “Tell me it isn’t true, little brother,” he said. There was no point pretending Peeta didn’t know what he was talking about. Rye was a terrible gossip hound. Peeta shook his head. “Thank god,” Rye said. “You can do so much better than that. She’s not very big, and definitely not hot.” 

Peeta sighed. Rye’s taste in women only included girls who fawned all over him. Katniss would never make that list. 

“Where did Mom come up with that idea anyway?” Rye asked, eyeing the single glass Peeta poured with interest. Peeta was not going to offer him a drink. He wasn’t going to do anything that suggested Rye was welcome to stay. “It’s pretty fucking crazy, even for her.”

“I don’t know,” Peeta grumbled. He knew exactly where. She must have listened in on one of Peeta’s calls with his father. His dad was his best friend, Peeta just couldn’t keep secrets from him. But the old man wasn’t always careful when he talked to Peeta.

“Katniss Everdeen. As fucking if. You have much better taste than that,” Rye laughed. “Remember that chick you were with a couple of years ago? The one who was in Playboy?”

“Cashmere Solomon,” Peeta muttered half under his breath. He’s gone out with her twice, and she’d been a nightmare, only interested in what he could do for her celebrity.

“She was hot,” Rye nodded. “I hooked up with her, after.” That was more than Peeta needed to know.

“Look,” Peeta started, an attempt to get rid of Rye, to get back to his plans for a few quiet minutes before Katniss got home and he’d have to have another, very different conversation on this topic.

“Mom’s a mental case,” Rye interrupted. “Like you’d ever stoop low enough to fuck that Everdeen chick. Stuck up little bitch like that? You’ve got more pride.”

“Are we done?” Peeta was bone weary, and not at all in the mood to listen to one of his brother’s diatribes. “I’ve got a lot of stuff to do tonight.”

“Right, right,” Rye said. Peeta didn’t give a damn whether his brother believed him or not. He started to guide Rye back to the entryway. “I don’t know how Hawthorne puts up with her, “ Rye said. “Rumour has it she’s completely frigid.”

Peeta laughed, he couldn’t help it. Katniss was the furthest thing in the world from frigid, she was a live wire in bed, far and away the best sex of his life. And she had broken up with Gale Hawthorne some four years earlier, but the media still wrote about them as if they were just taking a break.

“Listen,” Rye said, though Peeta was already shepherding him towards the door. “I know this girl, Glimmer her name is. Tits for miles! She’s working on a pilot.” Working on a pilot was LA code for unemployed. “She’s so hot,” Rye continued, oblivious to Peeta’s irritation, “spend a little time with her, I’ll get my pap friend to follow you. That’ll make the Enquirer story go away. Kill any hint of association with that little piece of work.”

“Bye, Rye, Peeta said, pushing his brother through the door.

“Call me,” Rye said, and Peeta slammed the door in his face, flipping the bolt. Idiot. He exhaled slowly, then turned.

Katniss was standing behind him. Shit. How much of Rye’s crap had she heard?

“How could you let him talk about me that way,” she asked, her voice low and dangerous.

Peeta cringed. Evidently most of it. “What was I supposed to say? You don’t want him to know we’re together.”

“We have to be together for you to defend me?” Katniss asked, incredulous. “Women are only worth defending if you’re fucking them?”

Peeta rolled his eyes. “Don’t give me that bullshit,” he said. “You know I’m not like that.”

“Do I?” Katniss was pacing, little mincing steps that would fit on a pie plate. “Sure as hell didn’t sound like it.”

“What was I supposed to say?” Peeta was yelling. He flung his arms wide, expensive scotch sloshed over the edge of his glass, splashed his watch. Just great.

“How about ‘Katniss isn’t a stuck up little bitch’ for starters?”

“Jesus, Katniss, why do you even care? You know he’s an asshole.”

“He said awful things about me, in my own home, and you just stood there and nodded, like you agreed,” Katniss snapped. “That was a total dick move.”

“Well excuse-fucking-me,” Peeta said, “but it’s not even your house.” She lived there, but the lease was in his name. Her official address was an empty condo in Van Nuys, so that people wouldn’t figure out they were shacked up together. He hated the cloak and dagger bullshit, but she’d insisted.

Katniss froze, face twisted in disgust. “You’re right,” she said quietly. “It’s not.”

Before Peeta even had a chance to respond, the door was slamming behind her.

Peeta knew, even before she’d gotten to her car, that he was wrong. But he was angry, angry with his mother, angry with his brother, and pissed as hell that Katniss insisted on hiding, like he was some dirty secret instead of the man she’d been dating for two years.

She didn’t come home that evening. Peeta wasn’t completely surprised. It wasn’t the first time she’d frozen him out. He’d give her the night, then apologize in the morning.

But when morning came, his phone had blown up with texts. TMZ was running a spread of pictures, grainy and obviously through a long lens. Katniss, standing on a balcony, and not alone. With her was Gale-fucking-Hawthorne, her ex. She was locked in his embrace wearing only a robe, while he was in boxers. The gossip sites were having a field day, former lovers reunited.

Peeta, still in bed, dialed his phone. She answered on the second ring, voice hoarse. “Are you with Gale?” Peeta asked with no preamble.

There was the slightest of pauses. “Yes,” Katniss said.

“You couldn’t fucking wait to go rushing back to his bed?” Peeta yelled. “Or maybe you never really left?”

The line died in his hand. It was the last time they’d spoken, until now.

o-o-o

Katniss made no further attempt to talk to Peeta, outside of what they said on the soundstage. She’d doubled down on the ice princess routine, speaking to him in cold, overly formal tones when the cameras weren’t rolling.

 Working with Annie Cresta hadn’t gotten any better either, but at least they’d managed to memorise a routine—hand here, thigh there, twist this way, arch like that. Annie insisted it would look a lot more natural than it felt. Peeta wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t care. He just wanted the thing done.

The scene was set for late afternoon, after the rest of principal photography was done for the episode and the lion’s share of cast and crew had left. “Saving the best for last,” Cressida chirped, but no one really believed that.

Katniss had a rider in her contract specifying no nudity, Peeta knew that. He hadn’t bothered with one himself, he didn’t care who saw him, but Katniss had always been uncomfortable baring everything. In other scenes, the production sometimes used a body double for Katniss. But this scene, the scene, would be her and him, on a bed, doing choreographed dry humping. It had to be her, there wasn’t any other choice.

Haymitch wasn’t on set, something Peeta suspected was Katniss’s doing, but he appreciated it. The crew was at a bare minimum, to make it easier for the actors, but it was still a lot of people. Cressida was directing, busily setting up the scene. Two female grips he’d never met before were behind the stationary cameras, two of his favourite camera guys—Castor and Pollox—had the handhelds. Two more grips had the boom mics, a gaffer adjusted the lights, and a set designer, Octavia, was fussing over the bedding, rumpling it in an artistic way that Peeta knew from rehearsal would last about twelve seconds before they destroyed it. Annie, strangely, was nowhere to be seen. He’d thought that, as their intimacy coordinator, she’d be there to coach when they actually filmed. Apparently not.

“Let’s get this show on the road,” Cressida called out, affecting a carefree tone. Peeta knew it was an act, an attempt to get all of them to relax. The antagonism and animosity between the two leads wasn’t exactly a secret, not anymore, and the mood on the small soundstage was tense. No one was looking forward to this.

Katniss had seen him naked a thousand times, had touched and stroked and tasted every inch of his body. Still, it was strange, even on a closed set, to be standing in front of her wearing nothing but a sock tied to his dick. She was clutching the edges of her pink silk robe so tightly her knuckles were white, and looking everywhere but at him.

Cinna approached and helped Katniss out of her robe, careful not to disrupt the cascade of windblown curls Peeta knew had likely taken an hour and several cans of product to achieve. Katniss’s hair was naturally pin straight, yet they were always curling it in the show, and she hated it. So focussed was Peeta on her hair that he didn’t notice what she was wearing until Cinna stepped away, leaving Katniss standing beside the bed in a pair of pasties and an adhesive pad that covered her pubic hair and not much else. Peeta couldn’t help but stare. It was far less than he was expecting, Annie had told him Katniss would be wearing a pair of flesh coloured panties and a little tube top over her boobs. “The sides of her underwear showed in the test shots,” Castor muttered in his ear. “Haymitch insisted on that instead.”

For half a minute, Peeta felt really bad for Katniss, knowing her discomfort, knowing what it was costing her to stand under the lights and in front of so many people wearing little more than three bandaids. But then she sighed, and barked, “can we just get this over with?” and any sympathy Peeta felt for her evaporated like spring snow.

The scene opened with them both on the bed. They’d practiced the routine, both on floor mats and on a set bed. But in rehearsal, they’d been clothed, pillows between them to minimise contact.

No longer.

Now, they were essentially naked, skin pressed to skin, staring wide-eyed at each other. She was so soft under him, fit him so perfectly. Her breath—sharp, nervous little pants—caressed his jaw, his throat. Her hands, small but so much stronger than they looked, clutched at this back.

His dick twitched and hardened, he couldn’t fucking help it. They’d fucked a thousand times over the previous two years, he’d always been insanely attracted to her. His dick didn’t know that this time it wasn’t real. He clenched his teeth and kept going. There was no way, positioned as they were, to prevent her from feeling it. 

Katniss smirked at him, just a fleeting little hint of amusement, but coupled with his embarrassment at getting turned on when the ice fucking queen clearly felt nothing it was too much. Rage flooded his veins like venom. He sneered down at Katniss, uncaring if the handycam caught his expression. Then he deliberately rocked against her, rubbing his hard cock against her core, only a little strip of fabric and a glorified sock between them. 

Her breath caught, a choked little sound. 

“Like that, princess?” he spat, lowering his mouth to her ear. “You like knowing that you can still get me hot?”

She moaned softly. It just made him angrier. Was she acting, or actually responding? Was she thinking about Gale while he was grinding against her? Had she always been thinking about him?

The few lines he was supposed to say flew out of his head. “Does your boyfriend get you hot like this?” he groaned instead, anger and lust combining. “Do you moan for him like you did for me?” Her hands, which had been moving through the choreography much more fluidly than in rehearsal suddenly froze. “Does he fill you up as good as I did?”

“Peeta,” Katniss whispered, a hint of warning in her tone. But he was too mad. Mad and heartsick and wildly turned on, it was a potent brew. He couldn’t stop. He ground harder against her, his chest rasping against her breasts, bare but for a pair of stickers. He nipped at her earlobe with sharp teeth, and her gasp was loud over his harsh breaths.

“Do you melt for him, ice princess?” She said nothing, but he didn’t care. He angled his hips and thrust hard, the way he knew she liked. He rocked over and over again, forgetting about the others in the room, lost in Katniss, however fake it might be.

“Do you want to give them a show,” he growled against her throat. “Take off the guard? One last fuck, for old times sake?”

“Stop,” she said, so faintly it was barely a breath. “Please.” Peeta pulled back. Beneath him, Katniss’s eyes were screwed tightly shut, tears leaking from the corners. The anger rushed away, leaving him horrified and utterly ashamed. 

He rolled away and climbed off the bed. “Need a break,” he grunted. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Katniss had curled onto her side, facing away, naked and vulnerable. The need to comfort her battled with the sick feeling in his gut over how cruel he’d been. How completely unlike himself.

Cressida called out to him, but he didn’t want to hear whatever she was going to say. Couldn’t stay another minute on that set.

He pushed past Castor who was staring open-mouthed, the camera on his shoulder still blinking as it ran, and stomped to his dressing room. There, he sank into a chair, the leather sticking to his bare ass. He pulled the modesty bag off his now-deflated cock and dropped his head into his hands.

How had it gotten to this?

How had he gotten to the point where he was tormenting the woman he loved more than life with fake sex on their job site? Bullying her to tears in front of their crew. 

He was disgusted with himself. That wasn’t who he was.

He needed to go to Katniss and apologise, for more than just the scene. 

Fifteen minutes later, he’d calmed down and thrown on sweats. Katniss’s dressing room door was closed, but he knew she wasn’t in there. He walked past the small set and the little office Annie had used, but he knew she wouldn’t be there either.

Down the hall, past craft services stood the door to the electrical room. It was never locked. Peeta pushed inside. Past all of the clutter and detritus of broken light stands and boxes of cables was another door, narrow and unmarked. A steep set of metal stairs lay beyond it, and at the top a door he had to duck to walk through.

Then he was standing on the roof, a soft Burbank breeze ruffling his hair.

It wasn’t anything special, this part of the roof, gravel-topped and housing the building’s HVAC system. But it was their spot, a place no one else ever went. A place they could find some measure of solitude in the midst of a busy studio. No one ever disturbed them up here.

Katniss was sitting on the low ledge that bisected the roof, wrapped in a robe, her pink silk clad back to him. He knew she must have heard his approach, the gravel beneath him crunched with every step. But she didn’t move, didn’t react as he straddled the cement to lower himself beside her.

She didn’t turn towards him, but she didn’t need to. Her profile said everything: smudged makeup, red nose, puffy eyes. The breeze caught loose tendrils of her hair, blowing them around her face but she was still and silent save for her uneven breaths. An island in a tempest. Her eyes remained fixed on the horizon, past the endless parking lots and low studio buildings to where the sun was sinking low, bathing the sky in soft orange. Her silence wasn’t icy tonight. Pain radiated from every line, every curve.

“I’m sorry,” Peeta started. Katniss nodded, her posture otherwise unchanged. “I was a complete dick in there, and you didn’t deserve any of that. It was inexcusable.” He took a deep breath, steeling himself. “I don’t want to go on like this. Making out for the cameras, then ignoring each other when they’re off. I was hoping that if I stopped being so, you know, wounded, we could take a shot at being friends?” It would certainly make their jobs a lot easier.

“I’ve never slept with Gale,” she said softly, and Peeta startled. That wasn’t even possible. She’d run right back to him, was living with him again.

As if reading his mind, Katniss continued. “He’s been a good friend to me, a brother in some ways. But we’ve never had a physical relationship.”

“Bullshit,” Peeta sputtered, conciliatory tone gone. “You were with him for years.”

Katniss glanced at him then, a half smirk twisting her lips. “You were with Johanna for years too,” she said.

“You know that wasn’t real. And Gale isn’t gay.”

Katniss shrugged, and turned back to the horizon. 

Peeta continued to watch her. He knew all of her expressions, her every tell. She wasn’t lying.

“Why,” he started, then stopped. That wasn’t the question he really needed an answer to. “You let me think you were together.”

“Maybe I wanted to hurt you,” she whispered. “Like you hurt me.”

Mission accomplished, he thought. He’d been in fucking agony since he saw the TMZ pictures, and the ones that followed; Katniss and Gale riding in his convertible, Katniss and Gale leaving a trendy LA cafe, Katniss and Gale sipping wine on the balcony of his oceanfront estate. It had been a form of masochism, adding her name to his news alerts and reading the day's gossip about her blossoming relationship with Gale Hawthorne.

Could it really have all been fake?

Katniss and Gale had been on the same sitcom as children, had played cousins. So when, years later, they moved in together, of course everyone assumed they were together. They’d certainly never done anything to contradict it.

“You never mentioned that before,” Peeta said quietly. Not that Gale’s name had come up often in their time together, but they’d talked about past relationships, and she’d never said that Gale had been nothing more than a friend. She’d really never said anything about her years with Gale, and that had always made Peeta insecure, wondering if she’d still harboured feelings for him. If she kept their relationship a secret not from the world, but from Gale Hawthorne. Katniss shrugged.

“I didn’t think it would matter. You’re in the business, you know how often dating is just for show.”

He did. But he’d been upfront with Katniss about Jo, he’d never let her think there was anything there. That she hadn’t given him the same respect, hadn’t trusted him, was gutting.

“He kissed me, once,” Katniss said, and Peeta’s stomach clenched in inappropriate jealousy. “I was seventeen. It was the summer after we’d both finished filming Seam Street, but before he got his big break on that superhero movie. Back when we thought we might still be normal.” She was smiling sadly, lost in the moment. “We both gagged,” she continued, and Peeta’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. Katniss laughed softly, but it wasn’t at Peeta. It was at whatever she was remembering. “All of those childhood friends to lovers tropes, it definitely wasn’t like that for me and Gale. Kissing him was…” Katniss trailed off, shuddering. “I love Gale, he’s mine, I’m his. But not like that.

“But it didn’t matter. Once the media decided we were together, they invented stories. Every time we went anywhere together, they took pictures and manipulated them to fit whatever story they’d decided to write about us that week.” Katniss sighed, and rubbed her eyes. “We couldn’t have a life, outside of each other. Anytime either of us was seen with another person, the tabloids went crazy. I got my own place, tried to put some distance there. But it didn’t stop.

“And after he started dating Claudia, it all got worse,” she said. “The media, and fans who decided that he and I belonged together, they couldn’t let it go. They hounded her incessantly, called her a homewrecker and things far worse. Trolled her on social media, harassed her family, and anything either of us tried to get them to back off only made things worse. When she finally broke things off with him, he blamed me, at least a bit.” She paused, and sniffled. “It’s why we’ve barely talked over the past few years. First because it bothered Claudia, and then because Gale was so pissed off. It came close to destroying our friendship.”

Peeta sat in stunned silence as realisation washed over him. “That’s why you wanted to keep us a secret,” he said. “You were protecting me.” 

“Private,” she said. “Not secret. And that’s what you and I do, protect each other. Or did,” she added softly. 

But he hadn’t protected her. Not on the set, and not from his brother’s vitriol.

“I’m sorry,” Peeta said. “I shouldn’t have let Rye talk shit about you. And I shouldn’t have been all defensive when you rightly called me on it.”

She nodded again, but didn’t turn towards him. And he didn’t know how to bridge the gulf. He’d been wrong, on so many levels. But she hadn’t trusted him, and still didn’t. She could have eased so many of his insecurities just by being honest. But she hadn’t.

He wanted to fix things. He wanted to be with her again, this time with more openness and honesty. To build a better relationship, one they both deserved. He wasn’t sure if it was possible with so much hurt between them. But he wanted to try. He just needed to get Katniss on the same page, and he knew from experience that wasn’t likely to be easy. 

“We should go back,” Peeta said what felt like an hour later. The sun was almost gone, and though the air still held the perpetual California heat, Katniss was shivering in the breeze. “I’m done being a wounded prick, I promise.”

Katniss turned to him, finally. She still looked so sad, with her red eyes and ruined makeup. His heart clenched. “Cressida called shooting for the day,” she said. “Didn’t think either of us was in a good place to continue.” Haymitch would doubtless be pissed, any disruption in the schedule was tens of thousands of dollars wasted. Peeta sighed, but he knew it was the right call. 

“Probably for the best,” Peeta said. “We’re a mess.”

Katniss laughed, just slightly, and Peeta grinned at her. When he extended his hand to help her up, she took it, and it felt so good to feel her fingers entwined with his again, not for show but in actual friendship.

They walked back to the dressing rooms together. “Do you maybe want to get dinner together?” Peeta asked, and he knew he sounded small and uncertain. But to his surprise, Katniss nodded.

“I’d like that,” she said.

They walked out to the lot thirty minutes later, and Peeta led her to his car. She was wearing jeans and a little tank top, her hair pulled back in a no-fuss braid and a pair of sunglasses shielding eyes that still bore traces of the evening’s emotions. She was in every way Katniss, the woman he loved. But he could feel her holding back, feel the stiffness and uncertainty in the way she looked at him, spoke to him. Not intentional, simply reflexive, like she was trying to keep her heart safe. From him. The wall between them loomed large. It was going to take a Herculean effort to break it down.

There was a restaurant, Sae’s, not too far from the house they’d shared. It catered to people like them. The front was nothing so much as a shabby little diner, but in the back were private, windowless rooms where they could have a meal without prying eyes.

Peeta ordered pasta and Katniss got her favourite goat cheese and apple panini. But the way she pushed the food around on her plate spoke to how distressed she still was. Katniss typically ate with gusto, like she was afraid she’d never see food again. 

He left her be, keeping conversation light, trying to ease her back into being comfortable with him. Joking with her, the way he always had. She smiled, but it felt hollow. If anything, she seemed to get more sad as the meal wore on. Peeta’s spirits flagged.

He paid the bill, and they headed out the back door. There, he stopped, and pulled Katniss to stand in front of him. 

“Talk to me,” Peeta said, voice gruff with guilt.

“About what?” She wasn’t being flippant, if anything, she sounded defeated.

“Katniss,” he sighed. She looked up at him, eyes unfathomable, dark pools in the lamplight. He could tell she was trying to psych herself up to talk. So he leaned against the restaurant wall and waited.

“I’m sorry, okay,” she said finally, and it wasn’t what he was expecting. “I’m sorry that keeping us a secret hurt you. It was never my intention to hurt you.”

Peeta opened his mouth, to say he understood better now, but she pushed on.

“And it didn’t mean I loved you any less.”

“Loved?” Her use of past tense gutted him. “Not anymore?”

In the deep shadows of the single street light, he could see her face crumple. She wrapped her arms around her body, as if shielding herself from another blow. “Does it matter?” Her words were choked, he could hear she was fighting tears again. “I know what you think of me.”

“Katniss,” he said, the word regret-soaked. 

“Frigid little ice princess,” she parroted, but there was no anger. Only pain. 

“I didn’t mean it,” Peeta said. “I know that’s not you.” She played at being cold sometimes. But underneath, she was a flame, burning bright.

“Everyone thinks that about me. They always have.”

“I don’t,” Peeta said, and he let the pleading come through in his voice, let her hear his own pain. “I know you’re not cold. You’re the girl on fire.” Katniss’s lips twitched at the old nickname, one she’d gotten as a teenager in an action movie. But her heartbroken expression didn’t change. “I was angry, and wounded, and I lashed out. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” she said, then she was wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Peeta pulled her in close and buried his face in her hair. It was the first time he’d felt whole in more than two weeks, like the broken piece of his soul had returned. 

Her little body shook against him, he knew she was crying. “Shhh,” he said, stroking her back. “Shhh. It’s going to be okay.” It was. He’d make sure of it.

“Just missed you so much,” she muttered. His heart soared.

“I love you,” he whispered. “Please come home.” 

She didn’t say anything. But he felt her nod against his chest. And it was enough.

He took her back to his place, to their place. They were both exhausted, emotions raw, and had an early morning call, to redo the evening’s ruined scene. But she climbed into bed beside him, and he held her all night.

They were quiet the next morning, tentative and uncertain around each other, but they were together, and Peeta was committed to making things better, for both of them. He’d be patient. He’d communicate better. He’d lost the love of his life once, he wouldn’t let it happen again. 

They climbed back into his car, since hers was at the studio, but as soon as the garage door opened Peeta saw Rye there, waving his phone. Beside him, Katniss tensed, and shrank down into her seat. He could almost smell her pain. Just fucking great. The moron had to show up now, when they had barely started patching things together. 

“I’ve been calling you all morning,” Rye said as soon as Peeta stepped out of the car. It was just past eight, Rye didn’t typically get up before noon. Peeta suspected he hadn’t yet been to bed.

“Go home, Rye,” Peeta said. “This isn’t the time.”

“They’re saying this is you and that Everdeen chick,” Rye insisted, shaking his phone in Peeta’s face. Sure enough, on the screen was a dark and blurry shot of him, holding Katniss in his arms. Her face wasn’t visible, but her long black braid and sweet little ass were perfectly recognisable. Fuck. He thought they’d be safe at Sae’s. But he’d been wrong. Again. “I already told the Hollywood Reporter it was fake, that you wouldn’t slum with the likes of that—”

“Shut up!” Peeta roared, and for once, Rye stopped talking. “Katniss is the woman I love, and I won’t listen to you disparage her anymore,” Peeta said. “Now get the fuck out of here and stop fucking talking to the media about me.” Peeta was seething. He was going to make sure that security guard was fired. Maybe his boss too. And his boss’s boss.

Rye backed away, hands held up in supplication. “Sure, yeah,” he said quickly. “I’ll just get out of your hair. We’ll talk more later, yeah?”

Peeta didn’t dignify that with an answer. He spun on his heel, to head back to the car. But Katniss was there already, standing just behind him. She must have heard everything they’d said, and worse, Rye would have seen her there. He flinched, but she just smiled at him, then walked straight into his arms.

“Thank you,” she said. 

Fuck. She didn’t need to thank him for defending her, it’s what any decent person would do. “I should have said that last time,” he admitted, tightening his hold on her.

“You said it this time,” she said. Then she stretched up onto her toes, and kissed him.

Relief and disbelief and so much love flooded Peeta. He cupped her ass in his hands and hoisted her into his arms, his lips never leaving hers.

He knew Rye was watching. Knew that some of their neighbours could see them too. “We should go back to the garage,” he whispered between kisses that were growing too hot for the street. “People are watching.”

“Let them,” she gasped. “I don't want to hide how I feel about you. Not anymore.”

He laughed against her lips, and kissed her more.

o-o-o

She was sitting in her favourite chair, a mug of camomile tea forgotten beside her, when Peeta got home. He glanced at the television glowing on the wall and groaned. “Access Hollywood? Really?” Katniss, his Katniss, was watching the creme de la creme of shitty tabloid TV. 

Their relationship had been dissected endlessly by the gossip shows in the four months since they’d been outed, first by his attention-seeking mother, then by a slightly risqué public display of affection in front of their house that had been captured on cellphone video by multiple sources. Peeta understood so much better now why Katniss had tried so hard to avoid unwanted exposure. He was sick to death of the coverage.

But they were handling it together. 

“Shhh,” she said, grinning. “They’re discussing whether we really did the deed while shooting Allium and Barley’s big scene.” Peeta glanced back at the television. The banner read 15 Times 'Love' Scenes On Screen Were Real.

“Oh my god,” Peeta groaned, and sank into the chair beside Katniss’s, covering his face with his hands.

The day after their disastrous first attempt at filming, they’d gone back to the set and found Haymitch waiting for them. The crusty old bastard had actually apologised for putting them in such a shitty position, and told them he’d take the scene out, make it a fade to black.

“No,” Katniss had said, silver eyes brighter than they’d been all week. “The script needs the scene. Our fans need it. And we’re ready this time.”

The second attempt had been so much better. It was still awkward, the choreography still felt strange. One of her pasties came unstuck and ended up caught in his chest hair. Twice they had to cut filming when Katniss started giggling. 

Peeta had been loath to watch it, once it’d been edited. Afraid to reopen the barely healing wounds. But the end result, just as Annie promised, looked real. The cameras caught their very real joy at being reunited, their very real love for one another. And those things made the very fake sex look like something more.

They’d filmed several more sex scenes over the course of finishing the season, each easier than the last. Communication, it turned out, did make the scenes less awkward. And it helped with their real relationship too.

But the first scene, the one that Peeta still cringed thinking about, that episode had aired just days ago.

The television sound cut off abruptly and Katniss burst into laughter. Peeta peeked out from between his fingers. Frozen on the big screen was a shot of Peeta’s ass in all of its hi-def glory, and Mario Lopez was pointing to a spot just between his thighs where apparently a hint of nutsack had been caught by the camera. 

Well that brought unwanted exposure to a whole new level. 

Peeta groaned. “I’m putting a nudity rider in my next contract,” he mumbled.

[uhthor]

Liv,,, the Loki finale,,, a tragedy. I want to hear all of your rants about it and also fuck d*sney

hello sweetie it’s been almost 48 hours and i’m still in shock and disbelief that the finale was that messy but i’ll try my best!

first of all, kang was the highlight of the episode. yes, his chat was long and complicated but jonathan majors was very very good and i cannot wait to see more of him in the mcu!

second, loki himself was incredible as always, sylvie was incredible, mobius was incredible & hunter b-15 was incredible. i have qualms about how messy it all was in the end with ravonna and wtf she been off doing (why were the minute men in ohio finding her on earth? there was no real conclusion to that, no real ending to her storyline and hunter b-15’s self realisation and rebellion which annoyed me to no end) and the ending was a dumpster fire cluster fuck. all three of the shows have been so ambitious with their plotting in the first 3/4 of the series and then the finales are just trying to wrap up so many things that nothing gets the justice it deserves and they need to Stop That Right Now because they just fall FLAT and disappoint

but the k!ss...... literally ruined the whole thing for me. loki as a character went through so much growth in a six episode series and i couldn’t be prouder of the way he changed and learned to believe in himself and that he was worthy of happiness. it’s truly some of the best work we’ve seen with loki in the entire mcu in my opinion.

miss minutes offered him a place in the timeline where he kills thanos and rules asgard and the loki in episode one would have jumped at that opportunity quicker than anything. episode six loki shed a few tears and remembered that he was worth more than that. that the cause was worth more than that, that people other than himself were worth saving and rescuing from the tva.

is that not the most incredible growth for loki? is that not the best growth we have seen alongside his growth in ragnarok? his main reasoning for not killing kang was to be able to help others and for sylvie to be okay. the fact the writers turned all of the growth he had made due to meeting sylvie on its head and had them kiss will always be disgusting to me.

they set the series up so well for loki to discover self love and worth through meeting sylvie, especially in that he said he just wanted sylvie to be okay in episode six — to me it will always still stand that loki learned to love himself and believe in his own worth through discovering he cared about sylvie in a non romantic way and that it changed him as a person. seeing a storyline of loki learning to love himself after a decade in the mcu of being made to be so inferior to everyone else by the people around him would have been the biggest love letter to loki and to loki’s fans, and tom.

it’s just so unfair and sad that they went down the route that they did. loki and sylvie had such a good relationship, something i saw parallel loki and thor’s relationship in the last ten years, and after loki was taken from the timeline and never allowed to see thor ever again, something good and stable and healthy loki could have had in his life from then onward.

but noooooo they had to make it romantic. they had to make things weird and they had to throw away a relationship they’d built so nicely with loki and mobius, too. people keep claiming that it wasn’t a romantic kiss and that sylvie was doing it to manipulate him and hit him where it hurts but as i re-emphasise again... there are literally thousands of other ways she could have done that. she could have hugged him. she could have just straight up pushed him. she could’ve pulled a hans of the southern isles and cupped his face and THEN pushed him. there literally had to be no romance involved. it was a choice made directly by marvel to engage in a selfcest relationship. there’s no ambiguity about it.

it also irritated me that people were saying it was typical for loki to fall for himself. we’re seeing a loki in this series like we’ve never seen before. he is so afraid of being alone and very clearly hates himself so much that to me, i don’t think he’d ever fall for himself. yes, he’s narcissistic, but he’s acknowledged that it’s only covering his absolute fear of being alone. i don’t think in any given circumstance would loki fall for himself because he loves himself. loki doesn’t love himself, which is one of the tragedies that this series focused on and created a beautiful journey with.

by meeting sylvie and learning that he cares about her and that she cares about him and believes that she deserved her own happy ending made him realise that he also deserves that, too. that’s the greatest love story that marvel should have written in this series after all the shit loki has been through. having him loving sylvie because she replicates his own self love and wanting her to be okay and have a happy ending is the way it should’ve gone. they are the same person, variations of the same person. her name is literally sylvie laufeydottir. they’re practically siblings. musical composer for the show natalie holt has said and i quote that loki looks at sylvie like he looks at his mother. ?!!!??!!!!!!??!??!? they’re family and it’s so so fucking weird for them to be romantic. it just ruined all of the work and excellence they provided in the first five and a half episodes and it pissed me off so bad. marvel have the uncontrollable need to pair every m/f that speak to each other for more than five minutes (st*ggy), even if they have no chemistry (bruc*nat, st*ron), EVEN IF THEY ARE RELATED OR THE SAME PERSON but won’t touch same sex relationships with a barge pole. funny, that

i just wanted the finale to solidify all of this — loki finally learning to love himself and discover that he has self worth and cares for others after his journey through the mcu being one of pure pain and suffering. i just wanted it to make sense and set up something with a tiny bit of coherence but i left the series more confused than i have ever been and just angry and betrayed really.

obviously i will watch season two and can only hope that things are fixed (wtf is going on with ravonna, hunter b-15, where is kid loki and allokigator, was the k!ss truly romantic, will they denounce all the selfcest etc. etc.) and don’t even get me started on the ending with mobius... not a jet ski in sight just fucking suffering. like twelve of my mutuals predicted he’d have his memories wiped yet it wasn’t any less painful when i saw it happen. justice for wowki, the actual only good and coherent and healthy relationship to come out of this series </3

also can someone PLEASE tell me if they saw casey anywhere cause eugene cordero was credited but i never saw my boy ONCE! he deserved BETTER!!!!

ok think i’m done tldr: fuck the finale i am gay and confused

[thisaliennerd]

so true blaine, sam and britt are autistic!! but post about it i wanna know why u think that

I literally only needed one person to ask me this, so thank you for being that person, anon! Britt is very self-explanatory, and Sam is also pretty obvious imo (although I do have lots of notes on him too), but since I think Blaine needs a little bit more explaining, here is my evidence as to why I think he’s autistic.

First of all, let’s look at some of the common symptoms of autism in adults:

Difficulty interpreting what others are thinking or feeling

Trouble interpreting facial expressions, body language, or social cues

Difficulty regulating emotion

Trouble keeping up a conversation

Inflection that does not reflect feelings

Difficulty maintaining the natural give-and-take of a conversation; prone to monologues on a favorite subject

Tendency to engage in repetitive or routine behaviors

Only participates in a restricted range of activities

Strict consistency to daily routines; outbursts when changes occur

Exhibiting strong, special interests

I think Blaine exhibits all or almost all of these things throughout the show, so let’s go through the list, point by point (with examples):

First, difficulty interpreting what others are thinking or feeling. Blaine is very bad at this, especially romantic feelings. He doesn’t catch on to Kurt or Tina having crushes on him for way too long even though neither of them are subtle about it. He also doesn’t seem to pick up on most of Sebastian’s stuff. He seems to be aware that he’s hitting on him, but he doesn’t seem to be aware of his rivalry with Kurt or any of his malicious intent. Every time he and Kurt get into a fight he needs Kurt to explicitly tell him what’s wrong. 

Second, trouble interpreting facial expressions, body language, or social cues. Blaine is TERRIBLE at this. He doesn’t understand sarcasm, he can never tell when people are lying to him, he often doesn’t understand how to talk to his peers, and he has no idea when people are uncomfortable. I have so many examples for this and the first point, but here’s just a small sample: s2e12 (22:15) - not getting that Jeremiah was very uncomfortable with the song, s5e9 (37:20) - when he’s named valedictorian instead of Artie or Tina, he apologizes to them and says that he thinks that things get handed to him, they sarcastically say they haven’t noticed, and Blaine believes them, s5e14 (15:10) - when he asks Kurt if he’s smothering him, and Kurt lies and says no, he believes him even though Kurt is a terrible liar, and (my favorite example of this) in s6e5 (40:15) - saying that he should thank Sue for trapping them in that elevator because now he and Kurt are just friends, and she says, “So thank me” and he actually says thank you (followed by Kurt saying, “Don’t actually thank her!” - amazing).

Third, difficulty regulating emotion. Blaine is very bad at regulating his emotions, especially negative ones. Most notably, anger. Blaine has intense angry outbursts, which will tie in later. Examples of this: season 3 episode 8 (13:50) - getting into a fight with Sam, season 5 episode 14 (26:50 and 27:20) - yelling at Elliot, and season 3 episode 15 (22:35) - outburst at Cooper.

Fourth, trouble keeping up a conversation. Blaine frequently talks about how he’s bad at communication and talking to people, especially about feelings, outside of song. He often has to sing to say bad news or confess things. Examples of this: Singing to tell Kurt about him cheating (s4e4 - 14:30), singing to confess his feelings to Sam (s4e17 - 21:15), singing to tell Kurt he’s not in June’s showcase (s5e20 - 10:40). When he is confronted by a conversation that makes him uncomfortable or that he wasn’t prepared for, he often has to shut down to think about it. Examples of this are when Kurt confesses his crush in season 2 episode 12 (30:40), Sam telling him he knew about Blaine’s crush in season 4 episode 17 (37:10), and the Frat Boy Physicals incident in season 5 episode 16 (21:05).

Fifth, inflection that does not reflect feelings. Generally, Blaine seems to be pretty good at this, especially in comparison to Brittany, but when he gets upset, he does sometimes get weirdly monotoned or just puts on a strange tone of voice. The best example of this I have is in season six, episode four (9:40 and 10:10).

Sixth, difficulty maintaining the natural give-and-take of a conversation; prone to monologues on a favorite subject. This is definitely true, especially when he gets upset about things. Season 5 episode 7 has the best examples of this, he starts by trying to lead the glee club in Mr. Shue’s absence, but he ends up coming on too strong and speaking over his peers (00:40). Next, when Kurt implies that he’s being a puppet master, he gets very upset, and keeps focusing on and coming back to that, even when Kurt tries to change the subject (6:45), and finally, he starts ranting to Brad, and cuts him off when Brad tries to chime in with his problems (11:40). 

Seventh, tendency to engage in repetitive or routine behaviors. Blaine has the most consistent clothing and presentation out of anyone in the show, and as seen in season 3 episode 15 (17:15 and 38:10) and in season 5 episode 6 (28:15), Blaine has been dressing like this and doing his hair the same way since he was a kid. He even owns the same shirt in multiple colors (season 5 episode 6: 27:25). In season 4 episode 17, he talks to Sam about how his daily routine and how he walks the exact same way from class every day (00:45). This is also the first time Blaine mentions efficiency, he measures his routine down to the second, and it being efficient is really important to him. This comes back in season 5 episode 14 when he’s trying to make the loft more efficient (23:05). He also reveals in season 5 episode 20 that he needs to measure the stage before performing in order to improv (7:30).

Eighth, only participates in a restricted range of activities. Now you may be thinking, but Miriam, this doesn’t apply, wasn’t he president of like every club his senior year? Yes, he was, but this actually doesn’t disprove this one. He still really is focused on a few activities like glee club, student council, and school in general. He only signs up for the other clubs in a time of crisis, and he’s never seen doing anything outside of school in college or in seasons 2 or 3 (except for his special interests). And as these are all school clubs, that meet on school grounds, they’re still in his comfort zone. 

Ninth, strict consistency to daily routines, and outbursts when changes occur. So we’ve talked about his routines, what happens when they’re broken? In season 5 episode 14, Blaine attempts to set routines with Kurt, making him breakfast every day, scheduling their days rigorously, etc., which leads Kurt to feeling smothered, but Blaine tells Elliot that he feels like he doesn’t know how to communicate. He feels very uncomfortable with the change of living in New York and the shift in the power dynamic between them. This is reinforced a few episodes later in episode 16, when these issues come back. In addition, episode 16 has an example of Blaine having an outburst when a short-term plan is disrupted. He and Kurt had planned to walk to class together, and Kurt had bailed without telling him, and Blaine gets very upset (23:05). Another example of this is when he finds Tina and Sam making out in season 5 episode 10 (24:45, 29:30). Their plans were disrupted, and he has an outburst/meltdown. Another example of long-term routines being disrupted is in season 3 episode 8. Sam has just come back to McKinley, and immediately, Sam and Blaine dislike each other. They’re both trying to choreograph and don’t like each other’s ideas, and they get into a fight that gets physical. Both of them are having an outburst due to the other invading the other’s space and routines (13:50). This then becomes an example of point three, as Blaine is seen boxing (physical reaction) to regulate his emotions (effectively stimming), which he also does in season 3 episode 15 when he’s angry at Cooper (26:40).

Finally, exhibiting strong, special interests. This one is probably the easiest to prove. Blaine’s special interests include show choir (he knows everything about it, he even reads the show choir blogs - s5e11: 6:50), boxing (he started a fight club at Dalton - s3e8: 14:00), Broadway (when he coaches the Warblers, Karofsky mentions that it’s pulling teeth to get Blaine to use any music that’s not Broadway - s6e3: 00:25), piano, and even music in general. To give some specific examples, Blaine is also known for having some shorter-term interests that he gets just as invested in, the best examples of this are puppet making (I know, I know, but it applies, he gets so into it for that week) from season 5 episode 7, dressing up as a superhero (no neurotypical person could do Nightbird, please) from season 4 episode 7 and season 5 episode 10 (16:45), and star wars fanfiction (he and Sam have a whole conversation about how ewoks are obviously polygamists) from season 5 episode 15 (5:20 and 26:35).

Blaine also has some other general traits. If you’ve ever watched him sing, he is constantly bouncing on his toes. He’s prone to incredibly intense eye contact, and is very sensitive to criticism, rejection, and public embarrassment (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - I have too many examples of this to name). Little things that could be interpreted as sensory overload: season 5 episode 7 - hating loud chaotic environments, and lashing out because of it (00:35 and 00:55) and season 6 episode 5 - where he’s the first to say that they should just kiss to get out of Sue’s elevator because he’s getting very hot (29:00). In season 6 episode 1 during the break up scene, Kurt says that Blaine initiated a 3 hour fight about Kurt getting toothpaste on a towel (21:30), which is not neurotypical behavior, and Blaine responds in a way that indicates that it really bothered him. He’s an actor seemingly a very talented one, something that would make sense if he’d been masking his whole life. Finally, he has a very deep connection with Sam, who is clearly neurodivergent. He and Britt are the only people who understand Sam, and there are multiple times where Blaine knows how to calm Sam down when no one else can.

Now there’s also a case to be made about him having a terrible childhood and having some trauma from that, (I strongly believe that he feels like he has to be doing things for people in order for them to love him because of Cooper) but I also think that this is pretty compelling evidence.

The episodes that I found the most evidence in if you want to look for yourself are season 2 episode 12, season 4 episode 11 (this one’s also good for Sam), season 5 episodes 7, 14, 16, and 20, and season 6 episodes 1 and 5.

[lightns881]

DTeam Tumblr Demographics Survey Results (Part 2):

What does DTeamblr look like, what does it have to do with MCYT history, and why does it look like a rainbow?

I’ll make an educated guess here and say y'all enjoyed my last post (totally unrelated to the way I gained almost 50 followers overnight). Anyhow, thank you so much for the overwhelming support! I’m so glad a lot of you felt you could relate to my deep-dive into the leading personality type on DTeam Tumblr. It took me so many hours to write and research, and as a math major and honors student, it’s no easy feat, so I’m so grateful for the attention it got!

Today we’re discussing the general demographics of DTeam Tumblr and why they might look the way they do. Number 8 will blow your mind! So make sure to keep reading and hit that little grey heart and arrow at the bottom if you like it, so more people get to see it! Thanks for your support! Now, let’s jump straight into the post!

Your Daily Dose of Data

From the 449 responses we received, these are some pie charts displaying the gender, age, and sexuality of all respondents.

Image Description: Female (52.8%), Non-Binary (37.4%), Male (9.8%)

Image Description: 16-17 (37%), 13-15 (31.4%), 18 and over (29.4%), 12 and under (2.2%)

Image Description: Bisexual/Pansexual (54.1%), Homosexual (16%), Asexual (14.7%), Other (7.8%), Heterosexual (7.3%)

Mmhm, delicious! Y'all ready to dig into these stats? Because I don’t know about you, but they certainly don’t strike me as what the general population looks like!

Welcome to Tumblr, the Only Community Where Straight Men are the Minority

So these statistics certainly didn’t take me by surprise. Mostly because the DNF Shipper Survey I took some time ago revealed a similar trend. Not to mention, Tumblr is probably the QUEEREST internet community on the planet. 

Funny enough, the survey revealed a shocking number of ZERO heterosexual males respondents. I’ll say it louder for the people in the back. ZERO straight males were recorded out of 449 respondents for this survey!

Now, this isn’t surprising for the Tumblr community by itself, but I can say I’m somewhat surprised in terms of the MCYT Tumblr community. (Obviously, the survey specified DTeam Tumblr, but there is a big overlap between both communities, so I will be using them interchengably when it seems relevant.)

Let’s break this down. The survey reveals the largest age population is 16-17, though it’s not by a great margin in comparison to 13-15 and 18 and older, which doesn’t surprise me either. Some of the major critics of the DTeam Fandom and other MCYT Fandoms love to claim the fanbase’s majority age range lies with children and pre-teens. While it’s an undeniable fact children are drawn to Minecraft, it’s also a misconception to paint it as solely a community for younger viewers.

In the MCYT Tumblr and DTeam Tumblr communities, specifically, we see this is not the case. Only 1/3 of the respondents of this survey are under the age of 16 (you could attribute part of it to the fact younger people might be less inclined to participate in this survey, but it is still a notable difference). I can’t say these age ranges are similar in other parts of the community like DTeam Twitter, Tik Tok, or Reddit, but if I had to make a guess, I’d say Tumblr lies toward the older of the bunch, with Reddit being the oldest and Tik Tok being the youngest (I do hope to perform this survey on some of the other communities, so please stay until the end if you want to help with that).

One of the likely explanations to why the ages for DTeam Tumblr look this way is the fact a big chunk of the community has likely been watching MCYT for a long time (even with breaks in between). I, myself, used to watch channels like PopularMMOs, Aphmau, and PrestonPlayz as a kid, and I presume many of you are familiar with them as well. With the resurgence of MCYT in the past year, it likely drew a lot of the older viewers in addition to the new ones.

But enough about age. What I really want to highlight on this post is the attraction of queer individuals to DTeam Tumblr and MCYT as a whole.

Why is the current MCYT Fandom so queer in comparison to the previous generations?

This is a huge open-ended question and considering I can only capture so much of the DTeam and MCYT community, the rest of this post should be taken solely as a theoretical analysis as opposed to fact.

With that out of the way, let’s start by discussing the shift MCYT has undergone over the years (I promise this will circle back to the question of queerness in the MCYT fandom, but we need some background before we can come up with a decent theory).

When Minecraft was first released, it proved to be a monumental change in the gaming industry. This simple little indie game took the world by storm. It was so vastly different from what the general population generally viewed gaming as (first-person shooters, story-driven games, action games, etc.) Not to mention, it didn’t exactly solely appeal to only a small margin of gamers, those being white cis males.

The gaming industry has notoriously been known in the past for its heteronormative community and general prejudice toward minorities. Though it has gone through a significant change over the decades, we certainly can’t say it’s fully gone.

Yet for whatever reason, the recent MCYT has taken the interest of so many queer people in comparison to other gaming YouTube communities. Why? Why are queer people so drawn to this community? And, more precisely, why does it feel so different than the old MCYT? Lastly, how does this relate to the conclusion about the leading personalities of this fandom we made in the last post?

The Niche Communities of MCYT Over the Years

MCYT has always been a huge, over-saturated genre of YouTube with content appealing to a variety of audiences. It’s dominated gaming content for years, and I think we can all safely say it’s never been bigger than it is today.

So why is it that just now it feels like the queerness of the fandom is popping off? Why now as opposed to say five years ago when MCYT was at another one of it’s strongest stages?

It seems like the community has made a tremendous shift in relation to breaking gender norms and LGBTQ+ subjects, not only in the fans but within the creators themselves. Was flirting and calling a pretty-boy streamer pet names as normal in the past as it is today? Were straight gamer guys putting on dresses and a full-face of make-up as supported back then? Were “marriages” and “pregnancies” within Minecraft boys an everyday occurrence like they are now? How is it that MCYT has dominated a Twitch dating show where flirting with the gay host and among straight contestants themselves is just another bit of entertainment? Where is this all coming from?

Recently, I watched a 2 hour documentary depicting all of the stages of Minecraft YouTube and how it has changed over the years. If you haven’t seen it and you have some time to spare, I HIGHLY recommend it! It’s very informative, and it honestly gave me such a strong sense of nostalgia that makes me choke up every time I think about it. I’ll link it below.

The documentary does a great job at exploring the different niche communities that dominated MCYT since it first took off. Some of such communities include the basic Let’s Players, the team-based Let’s Play channels like How2Minecraft, the roleplay story-centric ones like Aphmau and Samgladiator, the tutorial, building and technical side like Mumbo and Grian, the PVP-centric Bedwars or Hypixel channels, the Machinima community, the comedy side like ExplosiveTNT, the parody music videos, and so many more. All of the mentioned communities have dominated Minecraft at one point or another, many of them still having a rippling effect and/or a loyal community today. All of these communities have certain aspects that define them, some of which parallel the current overtaking content in the present.

How can we compare MyStreet to the Dream SMP?

Taking Aphmau as an example, her MyStreet series had a TREMENDOUS success a few years ago, racking in millions of views and bringing in a lot of money that eventually allowed her to hire voice actors and increase the production of mentioned episodes. The roleplay series was so successful it ran for six seasons!

Now, let’s compare that to the Dream SMP. It seems like a big comparison to be making considering they appear so different at first glance. For once, Aphmau is just one channel whose audience caters toward girls and younger people who enjoy romance. The series is set-up in an episodic-format that resembles more of a TV series than actual Minecraft videos.

Meanwhile, the Dream SMP is a collection of content creators with a mix of improvised storylines and the occasional regular video that resembles more of a Let’s Play series than a RP series.

You could say the only true comparisons to draw out of these two are the popularity they had/have and the profit they brought to their respective creators. 

However, there’s two other key similarities that you’ll find not only within these two specific examples, but many other channels and communities as well. Story and characters.

MyStreet’s story aspect is fairly obvious seeing as it’s a episodic series that focuses on a fictional story. The Dream SMP’s story aspect isn’t as clear, but it’s evident there is a story playing out in the foreground and background, whether intentional or unintentional, or improvised or not.

Character is where some of you might start to question me. It’s obvious MyStreet has characters. I mean, it is a fictional story, after all. But the Dream SMP? Light, they’re obviously people!

Well, my answer to that is yes and no--sort of. The Dream SMP’s story heavily relies on roleplay, bits as you might call them. Events that aren’t necessarily planned out as a fictional plot like the typical MyStreet episode is, but they aren’t exactly real. Schlatt is obviously not a villain in real life, he just likes to impersonate as one for the narrative. Wilbur isn’t crazy, but it’s a way to spice up the heroic story surrounding Tommy and him.

It’s video-game improv. Except the actors behind the content just so happen to be real people playing off the personalities and “brands” they have obtained. 

Brands. It all boils down to this. In the entertainment business, without a clear vision of your project and a clear way to brand what your consumer intakes, your project will likely not find a lot of success.

There’s a reason why Tommy plays off his loudness, using an overexaggerated laugh that although may not be completely fake, it is likely not the laugh he uses everyday. Or why BadBoyHalo is this supposed innocent muffin who doesn’t understand the crafting table meme and other references that are fairly easy to google and find the meaning of. Or why Sapnap is this chaotic being who loves starting pet wars and we love to paint as an arsonist in the Dream SMP. While all of these personality traits may be a part of their true selves, they’re played up for the camera--for the story. They act as the personas that define their characters in the narrative.

They have a clear brand and vision that appeals to the audience and makes them tune in on the daily to see how they all come together. It’s like roleplaying a more extreme version of yourself, one that brings home the money.

Story and characters run across every entertainment outlet. They define their brand. Aphmau has her characters and series. Hermitcraft has a set of memorable personalities and episodic videos that formulate its own story that is less like a narrative and more of a history of the server. ExplodingTNT has his recurring cast and comedic sketches. Most of these niche communities have a form of story and character defining them. It’s how they achieve a clear sense of branding and cater to a specific audience.

Queer Theory in MCYT

Having said all that, why does the MCYT of today draw in so many queer viewers?

Let’s think about this. In my last post, I ended by mentioning DTeam Tumblr is a sort of safe haven for INFP and INxx types who might be placed in the “other” category by society. INFPs, specially, are predisposed for escapism--one common form of it being fiction and entertainment. Not to mention, INFPs are feeling types who, as introverts, seek a personable connection. It’s why it’s so easy for them to obsess over book characters or fall in love with content creators.

Now, let’s imagine a whole community of LGBTQ+ INFP and INxx types. Actually, scratch that, we don’t even have to imagine it.

It’s what our community looks like today.

And why are so many so drawn to the DTeam and Dream SMP of all things? It’s a personable storyline that essentially forms a direct tie to the viewer. Unlike pre-recorded fictional TV series you tune into on your device, the Dream SMP is a whole load of chaos that blurs the lines between reality and fiction where fans can directly connect to creators and get to know them as people through a storyline that features sub-textual queer themes and non-conforming behaviors.

The MCYT content creator community of today is more non-conforming than ever before, and knowing this whole fact, knowing that many of them might place themselves in the “other” category or at the very least aren’t afraid to break the norms and be seen in that light, is a comfort in itself for LGBTQ+ INFP types. Once again, it’s a safe space that helps you escape from the troubles of real life, one you relate to.

Okay. So although this does answer why the fans look like they do, what about the creators themselves? Are we really supposed to believe this all came through naturally? That a bunch of straight guys suddenly decided wearing dresses was something they wanted to do?

I don’t mean to sound cynical here, and I’m in no way trying to insinuate creators have solely some sort of corrupt ulterior motive. Things are never as simple as they look. However, the truth is, a part of it lies on the attention it’s gotten.

I’ve talked a lot about DreamNotFound and the way Dream uses it as a marketing ploy. I stand by my point. However, he’s not the only one who does this in the MCYT community. Why did Finn suddenly go from wearing a dress to cross-dressing as a girl for a whole week? Why are so many creators suddenly deciding wearing dresses is fun? Why does every freaking straight MCYT actively want to flirt with George nowadays?

Let’s just let Techno’s favorite word answer this for us: clout.

It gets attention from one of the largest historically underserved minority community in the entertainment business. We might not be able to see gay flirting in every Netflix TV show or guys not minding dresses and getting fake marriages, but you are certainly going to get at least one of those in every Dream SMP stream and video you tune into. It gets attention. It brings home the money. And do I blame them? Not really.

Interestingly enough, there’s a lot of analytical posts on the MCYT Tumblr community that discuss the dangers of these tactics and why gay jokes and the way queer subtext is treated by MCYT creators is harmful. Despite this, it still attracts such a huge community of queers. So why exactly would queer people actively watch something that’s offensive or harmful to us?

I have a lot more to say about this topic and the morality behind Dream’s tactics, but I’m out of breath for today, so I’ll talk about it in my next post. What better way to start the conversation about the DNF and Karlnap questions of the survey than a good ol’ discussion on the morality of queerbaiting and the likes?

If you got this far, I’d appreciate it if you liked and reblogged this post if you enjoyed it and/or learned something new! Also, important news, I would really like to perform a similar study on the DTeam Twitter Community to measure the differences in demographics across platforms. I would REALLY appreciate it if you guys could go like, retweet and share the link I posted on my Twitter about it (tweet will be linked in the reblog below) so it reaches more of the DTeam Twitter community!

However, if you filled out the survey yourself here or you associate more with DTeam Tumblr than DTeam Twitter please DO NOT fill out the survey again! I’m trying to make sure it reaches the audience that mains on Twitter, but I need a little help with that since I don’t have as big of an influence on Twitter than on here for obvious reasons.

Anyhow, thank you so much for all your support! I really appreciate y’all and make sure to hit the follow if you want to lookout for the next demographics post! <3

(Pssst, I’m releasing a MCYT DNF superpower AU longfic next month... You should totally go check out the post on that if you’re interested in it...)

[sparkandwolf]

Without passion, we'd be truly dead (read on ao3)

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale Rating: General Summary: “You’re not going to make fun of me for this, are you?” Derek asked as his thumb hesitated over the play button on the remote. Stiles shrugged and grabbed the controller, pressing play before Derek could argue.

“I am absolutely going to make fun of you for this, there’s no doubt in my mind.” Derek’s groan was drowned out by a British voice introducing the next episode and Stiles moved his focus to the recap, trying to take in the things he might have missed from not watching the show from the beginning.

For @sterekvalentineweek day six: Passion

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” Derek exclaimed as Stiles popped open a bag of Cheetos, barely escaping the puff of powder that breezed out. “Scott and Isaac have both referred to you as the ‘resident nerd’ and you’ve never seen the cult classic that is Buffy the Vampire Slayer?” Derek shook his head and clicked over to one of the streaming services and a very badly edited photo of Sarah Michelle Gellar came into view. 

“I saw the movie! Doesn’t that count for anything?” Stiles asked. By the displeased look on Derek’s face, Stiles figured that it very much, in fact, did not count. “It definitely doesn’t strike me as the kind of show you would be interested in,” Stiles noted, hoping the change in subject would force Derek to stop glaring at him. 

“It wasn’t, at first, but it--” Derek cut himself off and leaned his head back against the back of the couch, taking a breath as if preparing himself to make some big admission. Stiles stayed quiet as Derek rubbed his palms against his thighs. “Laura loved it. She and my mother would watch it every Monday night and Laura had these ridiculous posters on her wall of Buffy and Willow and--” Derek cleared his throat and Stiles could hear the emotion behind it. 

When he said nothing more, Stiles chimed in, “So, are we watching it from the beginning or are you gonna show me your favorites?” Derek turned to Stiles with a grin so wide, it had Stiles’ heart constricting in his chest and his stomach face flushing with embarrassment. He wasn’t sure when he had become able to make Derek smile like that, but he was extremely happy he could. 

“I think you’ll never wanna watch another episode if we start with season one so…” Derek trailed off and clicked through a few episodes, his eyebrows rising and falling and his nose crinkling in decision. Stiles had never seen him look so childish, so innocent, and all he wanted to do was watch this stupid TV show with Derek forever. 

“Find one?” Stiles guessed and Derek turned to him with another wide grin. Derek grabbed the bowl of popcorn from the coffee table, settling in as he nodded at Stiles slowly. 

“If you have questions, you can--”

“I’m gonna ask about a million of them,” Stiles interrupted, taking a noisy bite of his first Cheeto and stealing a handful of popcorn from the bowl on Derek’s lap. “You’ve gotta have all the answers, though,” Stiles warned, holding a cheesy finger up to Derek’s face. Derek rolled his eyes and smacked it away, Stiles’ laughter filling the air. 

“You’re not going to make fun of me for this, are you?” Derek asked as his thumb hesitated over the play button on the remote. Stiles shrugged and grabbed the controller, pressing play before Derek could argue. 

“I am absolutely going to make fun of you for this, there’s no doubt in my mind.” Derek’s groan was drowned out by a British voice introducing the next episode and Stiles moved his focus to the recap, trying to take in the things he might have missed from not watching the show from the beginning. 

“Passion; it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl,” Stiles heard the voice of the broody looking guy on TV, but underneath was a shy whisper and when he glanced over at Derek, he threw his hands over his mouth to stifle his giggles. 

“Derek, oh my god,” Stiles choked out through his laughter, placing his snack beside him before it toppled over. 

“What? It’s an iconic quote!” Derek argued. Stiles nodded and tried to be serious - he really tried - but Derek mouthed the next few words as if trying to hold them in and Stiles groaned. 

“Just say them,” Stiles relented as he paused the show, turning to face Derek who was pressing his lips together tightly. 

“You’re going to make fun of me…” Derek said, narrowing his eyes at Stiles. 

“Of course I’m going to make fun of you, but I’m gonna do it whether you say the rest of the quote out loud or not, realistically,” Stiles countered. Derek sighed and pressed play again, his eyes not leaving Stiles’ as the male character started speaking. 

“It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have?” Derek finished as the extraordinarily loud and obnoxious theme music blasted through the speakers. Stiles covered his ears and glared at Derek whose laughter rivaled the shrill of the guitar. 

“If I didn’t know this was a 90’s television show, this music would have completely given it away,” Stiles commented as the sound faded into the show again. 

“Just… keep watching,” Derek demanded, though his voice sounded shy. It was as if he was scared that Stiles wouldn’t like it and that made Stiles fall in love - with the show that is - even more. 

Throughout, Stiles would make comments so that Derek knew he was paying attention. He would shout out, “He killed her fish? Man, that’s so fucked up” and, “That crazy vampire girl talks in riddles like Deaton.” Each time, Derek would nod in response, chuckle, and smile. He would even glance over and make sure Stiles was paying attention if he was quiet for too long. Sometimes, Derek would even chime in with his own comments. 

“There’s something messed up about this teacher, but I mean, that might be some leftover Beacon Hills High School trauma.” 

“You think?” Derek commented with a huff, clearly remembering the weird amount of evil teachers that made their way into Stiles’ classrooms. Derek had always hated them the most as they spent more time around the pack than he was able to. He had never admitted that out loud, but Stiles knew it was true.

“I want Joyce to punch him,” Stiles noted, cheering when Buffy and Willow came into view, chanting words that sounded like something Lydia would say. “Oh my god, did she just devamp the house? I wish I could do that with werewolves,” Stiles teased, holding his arms up in defense when Derek flicked his nose.  

“You can, you idiot, it’s called mountain ash,” Derek retorted, reaching over Stiles to grab a few Cheetos. Stiles pretended not to notice that they were closer than they ever had been. 

When the episode turned more serious than Stiles had expected, he curled into Derek’s side and shoved his cheek into his warm chest. It wasn’t that he was scared, but he didn’t think that Jenny was about to make it out of there alive due to supernatural circumstances and that hit a little too close to home. When Angel broke her neck, Stiles turned his face away as Derek’s hand settled against the back of his head, brushing through the short strands comfortingly. 

There was sadness filling his stomach as the cute British librarian walked up the stairs and the music swelled. When he glanced up at Derek, there was a tear falling down his cheek. Even still, he whispered the words that left Angel’s lips, “Passion is the source of our finest moments; the joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief.”

They stayed pressed together like that, neither of them making a move to turn away. Stiles listened to the steady beat of Derek’s heart and the way it jumped during more action filled moments. When the too long silence made him jittery, Stiles spoke again, knowing his words would tick Derek off enough to argue. 

“You know, Xander has a point,” Stiles stated after Xander said exactly what he was thinking. Someone should have really murdered Angel before, but Stiles guessed there was something he was missing. 

 “Are you kidding? Buffy is right and Giles is going to get himself killed if he doesn’t think about his act--!” Derek paused a few moments before sighing, “Wait, that is exactly what you would do.” Stiles grinned at him and nodded. 

Stiles loved the easy way they bickered back and forth on the plot Derek seemed to understand down to the most minuscule detail. He loved the way Derek related to the characters, felt for their losses and their grievances. He knew, even after only one episode, why Derek had been so attached to the show. It was beyond a familial memory, that much Stiles was sure of. When Angel’s voice narrated again, Stiles gazed up from where his head had rested on Derek’s lap for the last few minutes. 

Again, Derek whispered the words, “It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace, but we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank.” Derek seemed to tear his eyes away from the show and they met Stiles’ with just as much passion as he was speaking about, and finished, “Without passion, we'd be truly dead."

Stiles thought his heart stopped at the intensity of Derek’s gaze and the softness of his voice and realized that Derek was bearing his soul to Stiles by showing him that bit of his past. He was letting Stiles in, hoping Stiles would take the invitation openly, and asking him to stay. 

“Did you like it?” Derek asked hesitantly as if scared of the answer. 

Stiles pursed his lips and pretended to think about his answer before deciding, “Can we watch it from the beginning?” 

[real-american]

Supernatural: A dedication to its memory and how the show changed my life

Fifteen Years. 15 years and over 300 episodes of the greatest show on TV. 15 years of joy, heartache, tears, fun and inspiration; and for me, 15 years, two marriages one divorce, two tattoos and a show that brought me the love of my life. Supernatural has impacted us all on so many levels. I could easily write a 15 page academic paper on the seasons, the meanings behind each season and all the little things that made the show so great. Things such as the music, the brothers Winchester, the family dynamic, and the beautiful 1967 Chevy Impala (my dream car should I win the lottery. Black four door version of course). I could go on about each major and minor character, how they impacted the show and what each of them meant to me and the fans but this is not what this is about. This post is about how Supernatural changed my life and how it impacted me.

First a few housekeeping things to address regarding the final season and the series finale. I thought the pre finale show was excellent but definitely could have been longer and included more. However I do understand they only had 42 minutes or so to cram 15 years of memories and characters in so I understand they had to only hit the highlights. They should do a longer version for the Blue Ray 15 season collectors set which I'm sure they will make and that I am definitely getting. Regarding the final season, I thought it was excellent. My wife, who is also a big fan of the show (more on her later) didn't think it was as good as other seasons but enjoyed it none the less. The ending was good sort of expected with the two boys ending up in heaven together, but I was surprised they killed Dean in the sort of nonchalant way they did. Sort of anti climactic for the greatest hunter in the world. The final speech to Sam was heartbreaking and heartfelt and I loved it! I also loved the symmetry of how Sam's son Dean also gave him permission to leave this world as Sam gave (original) Dean all those years later. I'm glad they didn't show who Sam's wife was and she was just left as a mysterious place holder. Originally I thought maybe they should have had him with Eileen but in retrospect the way they did it was better and honestly I'm not sure if she (or the other AU folk) were even brought back with the rest of the world. Maybe someone can clear this point up for me. I was really surprised they didn't do the "carry on my wayward son" beginning but I soon figured out before it even happened they were going to do it in the end of the episode which turned out to be much better. All in all I give the last season an A- and the finale and how it ended an A+ Again there is a lot to say about the final season, the final episode, and all the seasons but I will leave that analysis to other people. This is about what the show meant to me specifically about how it helped me through my darkest days and ushered in my brightest of days which I am living now. This is that story.

I wasn't with Supernatural from the very beginning. The show premiered in 2005 and I honestly hadn't heard anything about it or did I know anything about it for a few years. I came off active duty from the Marine Corps in June of 2005 and after fighting my beloved country's wars for a few years I was out of the loop on many things. I first came across Supernatural on TNT catching a re run here and there but with no real interest and only getting bits and pieces of the story. In 2010 I met my first wife and was a casual fan at this point seeing enough re runs on TNT to get a general idea of the storyline for the first few seasons but again only as a casual fan. At this point of my life I was also falling down a dark hole. My alcoholism which is a result of my PTSD from my combat service started to get really bad. I was drinking more than most people could handle but as my father was, highly functional. This led to me staying with and eventually marrying my first wife which was a bad idea. She cheated on me constantly and probably didn't even really love me. We were also polar political opposites (you can figure out my political viewpoints from the rest of my blog) and not compatible really in the least. Why I ever stayed with her and married her is beyond me at this point in my life. So there I was drinking my life away in a bad relationship and trying to figure out how to manage my life. Then Supernatural came on Netflix and I decided to give it a real shot. This decision changed my life.

I quickly caught up on the first six seasons and started watching the show live starting with season 7. I was hooked. I loved everything about it. Dean and Sam, Cass the car, the brotherly love, the monsters, the angels, everything but I still didn't know how this show would impact me in the end. I continued to drink myself to death getting unhealthier fatter and no longer resembling the fit Marine I once was. I was in a constant haze drinking an entire bottle of whiskey every night to drink away the pain of my bad marriage and the pain of not being loved and cheated on by my wife. Supernatural was the one bright spot in my life.

In 2014 I finally divorced my wife but this was only the first step. I continued to drink and destroy my life causing me to get fired from my job. Fortunately I was hired on back into government work making much better money and with having no wife and no kids was finally able to live a little better financially but I was lonely and alone except for the alcohol. I continued to find refuge in the bottle but also in Supernatural. I watched every episode as it came on, re watched all the old episodes, blogged and facebooked about it to the point that I am sure I was annoying the one or two friends that I had. The rest of my life was a blur. Get up, stumble into work drunk or hungover, go home sick and jonesing for my next drink, bottle of whiskey till one in the morning, a few hours of sleep and starting the whole cycle back over. I was fat, ugly on the outside, ugly on the inside, and a bad human being. My drinking got so bad I destroyed my liver and was medically discharged from my job but was given retirement for all my years of service to the federal government. So now I was 33 retired with a pension and VA disability and really nothing to do but sit at home drink whiskey and watch TV. I had no love in my life, one or two close friends who didn't like being around me anymore because of my drinking, and my family was worried but couldn't get through to me. Even after my father died of alcohol abuse in 2015 I still continued down my destructive path. Finally in February of 2017 I was hospitalized and was told I would be dead in less than a year. I truly believe I was touched by God at this point because I went home dumped out three bottles of alcohol and never touched the stuff again to this day.

Now I had to learn to relive my life all over without alcohol. I started to exercise and lose weight (90 pounds in 5 months) I went back to church, and I started to try and find love again and of course needing distraction and something to occupy my mind I dove deep into Supernatural. I re watched and re watched again all the old episodes, I poured myself into analysis of the plot lines and characters, I got tattoos on my arms (the demon trap and the anti possession symbol), I obsessed with everything Supernatural. It helped me stay sober. When I wanted a drink I would watch an episode, when I was feeling lonely I would go hang out with Sam and Dean. When I wanted to give up I took refuge in the Impala. I became a super fan. So far Supernatural got me through my divorce, was my bright spot in my alcoholic haze, and helped me stay sober when I first gave up my demons. I cheered harder during the happy moments of the show and cried harder in the sad ones. I was an emotional wreck and my feelings only seemed to come out while watching the show. Although I had quit drinking, got rid of my toxic ex wife and started to improve my life, I was still not happy. I was alone and lonely but Supernatural came to my rescue once again.

Throughout 2017 and the first part of 2018 I managed to be in two relationships. I poured myself into them grasping at them as if they were my reward for turning my life around and ignoring all the signs that they were not good relationships. I was still learning to relive my life as a sober person. I never integrated back into society after I left the Corps in 2005 and finally I was doing so but it was a hard journey. Inevitably those relationships failed and I was utterly heartbroken each time, but Supernatural was always there through the good times and the bad. When my heart was broken I would go find refuge in my favorite show forgetting about my problems and trying to help Sam and Dean solve theirs. Finally in May of 2018 I decided to try and find love again. This time it would be different and this time it was Supernatural that helped me get there.

As part of my recovery and daily routine I started to eat at my local diner everyday. Everyday from about July 2017 to the present time in this story I would go in, order 2 eggs over easy, hash browns, sausage, and toast. Everyday I would sit in the same spot at the counter (counter 6 was the name of the spot) order the same thing and even had my own special coffee mug. I knew everyone who worked there by name and they all knew me by name. They knew my order and had it ready for me when I came in. It felt like a magical place, a place that would forever change my life. There was one waitress/cook that I didn't see very often. She mostly worked the night shift but occasionally I would see her if I was there later in the day than usual or if she occasionally worked a morning shift. I was drawn to this woman. About the middle of May in 2018 I decided to maybe try and work up the courage to ask her out. I would always look for her when I went in hoping she was working that day hoping she wasn't too busy so that I could exchange a few words with her and hoping she would even notice me. Then one day in July I went in and she was there. I said hello and ate my breakfast but we didn't talk much. When I was paying for my meal the other gal working there asked  what my plans were for the day and I said oh nothing much just gonna go home and watch Supernatural. Then she turned around. The woman I had been trying to talk to, the one I wanted to ask out, Michelle was her name. She said, "I love that show I'm watching season 13 on DVD right now". I perked up a smile came across my face. Nervously I said, "oh cool yeah its my favorite show" Michelle nodded and turned back to work, I went to my car got in and smiled. I knew how I was gonna break the ice now next time. A few days later on my daily visit to the diner I went in a little later than usual. It was about 3 in the afternoon. It was dark and gloomy, raining, and cold. It felt like a Supernatural episode. It felt like a 67 Impala should have been in the parking lot and two good looking hunters should be in the corner on a laptop researching their current case. It felt like a magical moment. Turns out I was the only customer in the whole place. It was just me the waitress and Michelle who was cooking that day. They took my order without asking as the usually did and I could already see Michelle had already started cooking it. She finished and brought it to me herself. We exchanged a look and a feeling of confidence I have never had in my life overcame me and I said to her, "So are you enjoying season 13?" That is how it all began we started talking about the show. How we started watching it who our favorite characters were, how much we loved this season or that one. The conversation was seamless. We got into other get to know you topics around our conversation about Supernatural and it was like we were old friends talking about a show we loved. Eventually I got up and went to pay the waitress and she turned to go back to the kitchen in the back. Feeling an opportunity slip away I said "hey Michelle, maybe we should go get some dinner some time and watch some Supernatural together". I held my breath. She would surely smile and politely say no. She probably gets asked out all the time by the customers, beautiful woman that she is. Then she smiled and said "sure that would be great" I must have smiled so big and my heart skipped 10 beats! I got her number which she wrote on a order ticket and the rest they say is history. Ten months later I wrote ,"will you marry me" on the back of that order ticket and gave it to her at counter 6 at the diner where we met, where we first started talking about Supernatural, where my life finally changed for the better forever, and she said yes! We were married two months later on our one year anniversary and we just watched the final episode together yesterday. We both had tears, we both smiled when Sam and Dean, soulmates, were finally together at the end because we both know how it feels to be with each others soulmate. We held each others hand and said goodbye together.

Supernatural has forever changed me. It has been with me through every major event in my life over the last 15 years. Through the dark times, through the hard times, and finally through the current happy times. I guess it is ok that Supernatural is over now. I no longer need it. I have my wife, my Michelle, my soulmate. I am finally happy. I have Sam and Dean's permission to move on and they have mine. Good bye Winchesters. Good bye and thank you. You have taught me to carry on and find my peace when I'm done, and to cry no more. This is but one man's story, one of so many. How many lives has this show changed? How many people have found comfort in the adventures of Sam and Dean? I'm not sure the answer. Too many to count I would wager. 15 years and 300 episodes of the greatest show ever on TV. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  

[coureirsix]

supernatural season 16 episode 4 - “lifeline” |  ao3 link

it's roughly 11 PM on january 23rd when dean gets a call from eileen. he'd been out of the bunker with jack and cas for nearly three days; they'd taken jack to an amusement park. something about never seeing one before which reminded dean the last time he'd ever been to one, he was three years old and didn't remember a thing. which was fine, except that jack had wanted to go to six flags. he'd said something about finding old commercials with a dancing old man and the closest one was in kentucky. naturally, this wasn't an issue with dean. he'd driven farther for less, but on the way back he'd begun to realize that as he got older, the drives took more out of him. 

they'd gotten back earlier that afternoon and had spent most of the day lounging around until the exhaustion got the better of them at around nine. well, except jack. who could have just driven back to kentucky if he wanted to. cas made sure he didn't want to. so, it's saturday night, cas is breathing deeply beside him, completely asleep, jack is probably watching TV in the dean-cave, and dean has been drifting in and out of sleep for the past 20 minutes when his phone buzzes to the tune of the Call Me Maybe song. it's the tone he'd set up for eileen because, well, she never calls. so, when she does call, it's usually an emergency flare that's followed up with an explanatory text.

dean's eyes shoot awake and he watches the call miss as he waits a second for eileen's message to come in. 

dean, sam broke the tub. he can't get the hot water to stop running. SOS. please, my hair is disgustingly humid. his too. 

and dean laughs. it was an emergency, but the kind that didn't have him spiraling into a depression. that was... almost nice, he thinks. they have normal people problems now. he leans over to where cas is asleep beside him and cas' trained as well as dean is. he stirs awake with the movement and opens his eyes in a half-awake gesture.

“sam’s in trouble,” dean says with a smile. cas’ eyes shoot open, but dean’s demeanour doesn’t change, instead he follows up with, “he.. broke his bathtub somehow.”

cas squints. dean laughs some more and gets himself out of bed. he’s gotta find the little duffel bag that they’d dedicated to tools that didn’t include weapons of mass destruction. it shouldn’t be too hard to find. the last time they’d used it was when sam actually broke a door off its hinges. 

“i’m going back to sleep,” cas says, turning over as dean redresses. and dean laughs again. cas was grumpy when he was exhausted. it was endearing. 

it doesn’t take him too long to get ready to leave the bunker. he finds the duffel bag underneath the bathroom sink and before he knows it, he’s pulling out of the bunker’s vicinity in the impala and headed toward sam and eileen’s place. the issue with them is they live roughly 45 minutes away. he texts eileen back, letting her know he’s on his way. 

and dean thinks, as he drives over. that it’s his birthday tomorrow. well- he checks his phone, it’s basically his birthday. sunday january 24th, 2021. he didn’t think he’d live this long. he was the answer to the universe now, technically. 42. he looks down at his hands on the wheel. they’re worn. they’re the hands of a tired man who fought multiple apocalypses, multiple archangels, god himself. and won.

he takes a deep breath and thinks about sam. he loves his little brother more than he can ever explain. it’s unhealthy, probably, how much he’d done to save sam from everything. death, despair, sam himself that time he lost his soul. dean was there and willing to bleed for whatever sam needed. and he knew sam would always do the same. it was comforting. and even moreso now that they’d decided to take some time to really asses what was best for either of them. sam let himself want his apple pie life again. and it was the happiest day of dean’s life to see his little brother decorating the house he’d leased with eileen.

dean doesn’t hunt fulltime anymore. he’ll do an odd ghost job here and there, but mostly he mans the phones. he’s now FBI Supervisor Agent Harkness, police chief Richard Grayson, at cas’ request Texas Ranger Dean Swift, and at jack’s request Marlo Bridgers.it’s a living, he thinks. he still helps out other hunters and he passes off the bigger jobs to the younger people that’ve unfortunately ended up in the hunting life. 

mostly, though, he and cas have been making up for lost time. they go out on dates. dates, like embarrassing 15 year olds. he’s taken cas to the movies, they’ve gone for walks at the mall. dean held cas’ hand under a tree and it was the most incredible thing in the world. 

it’s embarrassing, it’s enough to make himself blush at the memory of it, but it’s also nice in that same breath. it brings him a sense of peace like he’s never fully properly known. because it’s about trust. and not trust in cas, not trust in himself, hell, the trust has nothing to do with either of them. it has to do with the fact that dean has finally let himself trust that things are going to be okay. that no matter what happens, he’s going to be okay.

and that’s what he thinks about when he’s sitting across from cas at the baskin robbins. that they’re safe. that things are okay. because they are, dean’s earned that much through his own tears and blood.

the sound of wind hitting the impala as he drives down the highway closer to sam and eileen is the melody to the memories of his life as it has been since they got rid of chuck and jack put god’s power back into the universe.

he pulls into the driveway of sam’s cookie cutter house. he’s in the middle of the driveway but dean doesn’t care and he knows neither sam nor eileen would care either. besides, the impala outshines the two normal cars they drive. he grabs the duffel bag and heads for the door, waiting for a second before the door clicks and he sees eileen in a crack in the door. he smiles at her.

“dean!” she says, visibly excited. dean keeps his smile on his face and waves, unsure why she’d be so excited that he’s here at practically midnight to fix her bathtub. she reaches out to grab his wrist and pull him into the house. she leads him through dark down the little hall that dean knows leads into the bathroom. dean notices there is no humidity in the house.

“eileen? is everything-” dean starts to ask when the lights flick on, blinding dean for a second before it clicks that it’s a party. it’s a party at midnight for him. 

he sees jody, donna, alex, claire and kaia. sam and bobby among several other hunters dean had come to know. it’s a full house, yet dean notices the lack of jack and cas. there’s a stack of presents in a corner behind the kitchen, a cake with a single candle on the table. claire is approaching him with a party hat in her hands and an evil look on her face. dean glances over at eileen, who’s beaming at him. she knows what she did. led zeppelin comes through a little speaker in the corner, not too loud, but loud enough that its ambiance music now. 

dean lets himself get wrapped in a hug from claire and then lets her put the hat on him before sam approaches him.

“this your idea?” dean asks. sam grins, but shakes his head.

“no, actually. i wanted to do it tomorrow morning. show up at the bunker with everyone, but, i know someone with worse intentions than me who said that tricking you into coming here at the moment of your birthday would be something you couldn’t see coming,” sam opens his arms and dean lets himself fall in. he hugs his little brother back and the emotions from earlier come back. he and sam were alive. dean’s greatest achievement in life was keeping sam alive and now here he was, reaping the benefits.

he goes through similar motions with everyone. jody gives him a hug and then leans up to kiss him on the temple. donna squeezes him so hard he swears his insides are flattened. 

after a few moments of getting caught up with everyone, sam sits him down at the table where the cake is. dean rubs his hands, ready to light the candle in it when sam makes this “uh-uh” sound. dean looks up at him in confusion when eileen brings over a pie with those large novelty number candles set into it. 42 sure was a year. 

dean sits there in the obligatory hot seat as everyone gathers around and sings him happy birthday. it’s awkward, it makes him blush and tears well up in his eyes, although nobody can really see it through the dimmed lights. and he looks around and his smile saddens a bit. he should have told cas to come with him. did sam not think to text jack?

he goes through the motions and cuts the first slice of the pie for himself and passes off the pastry to sam and eileen who take care of passing out the rest of it and the cake that’d been there. dean looks around, hoping cas and jack had been right behind him as sam brings him over a whiskey. it goes down ridiculously smooth. sam mentions he ran one last credit card scam for $3,000 whiskey for this. dean laughs and asks for another.

the night winds down fairly quickly, given it’s nearly three in the morning by the time everyone’s settled down into a less partying mood. dean ends up sitting outside with sam in some lawn chairs from walmart in sam’s cookie cutter back yard. eileen’s gone to bed and most everyone has gone home by then.

“you ever think we’d live this long?” sam asks.

“nope,” dean says without hesitation, “sammy, you died when you were twenty two. i died at twenty seven? twenty eight? god, i don’t even remember.”

“and those were just the first times,” sam says with an incredulous laugh.

“shit,” dean laughs with him, “yeah.”

“and we got out,” sam says. there’s a satisfaction in his voice that makes every single time dean died or did anything stupid for sam worth it. it’s a tone that dean knows means sam is happy. and that’s it, that was dean’s goal.

“we did,” dean agrees, taking another sip of the whiskey, “we beat hell, we beat heaven, we beat purgatory, we beat god.”

“kicked god’s ass,” sam affirms, “we get to choose what we want to do now. we write our own destiny now.”

dean reaches over and outstretches his glass. sam meets him halfway and they toast to that. dean watches sam pull his phone out and send off a quick text message. probably eileen telling him to go to bed.

they sit in silence for a while. and sam’s phone vibrates. dean watches him check it and not respond. trouble in paradise? he doubts it, but he doesn’t really know every single thing about sam anymore.

“i know you’re gonna tell me to shut up, but i do have to say, dean. thank you,” sam looks over at him.

“for?” dean asks.

“for everything, man,” sam has this look on his face like he’s going to cry, “you raised me. you were always there for me. im thirty eight, nearly sixteen years overdue if you hadn’t sold your soul to save me. i’m who i am because of you, and i like to think i’m in pretty good shape. and you, dean. i’m so proud of you. you’re the strongest person i’ve ever met. and i love you, and i’m happy that it was you that i got to have be my big brother.”

dean actually cries, but he turns around so that sam can’t see it. he composes himself in a second and turns back. he doesn’t have it in him to fight sam on the emotional distress this is causing him. instead he says, “thanks, sam. i’m glad i got to be your big brother, too.”

sam’s phone buzzes again. he checks it again and this time does respond. he sighs and looks over at dean again, “i gotta go. eileen says the bed is too cold.”

dean huffs a laugh and nods, “go fix that.”

sam nods and gets up. dean hears the door that leads back into the house slide open and then slide shut. and dean is left with himself at the end of it all. he sighs. he’s happy, he thinks.

and then he hears an unmistakable flutter. 

“dean!” he hears jack yell. it’s louder given it’s three in the morning and most people in this neighbourhood are asleep.

“i’m so sorry,” jack says, rushing up to dean’s side, “we were planning to be there for the cake but it wasn’t ready and we kept trying to fix things-”

“fix what?” dean asks, curiously. he’s not mad.

“the-” jack stops short, looking behind dean. and dean realizes the missing piece of his birthday puzzle has to be behind him.

and he is. the angel castiel is standing behind dean on the cement part of the patio a few feet back, wearing one of dean’s old band tshirts under his trench coat. and there’s a book in his hands. 

“happy birthday, dean,” cas says, a little smile on his face.

dean gets up. his foot nearly kicks the whiskey glass he set down with the speed he gets up at. and he doesn’t waste any time in grabbing the sides of cas’ face and pressing the most heartfelt, loving, tender kiss dean has ever given anyone in his life. there’s a warmth that always seems to be radiating from cas and dean wants to stick to it like a leech.

when he pulls back, cas keeps the little smile on his face and hands dean the book. it’s a photo album, he realizes, once he takes it and opens it. there’s- there’s baby pictures of him there. things that were surely lost in the fire in lawrence. as he flips through the album, he finds pictures of him and sam growing up. things nobody had ever photographed before, he’s pretty sure. at one point he finds a picture of him at age twelve, lying on roof of the impala.

“cas,” dean asks, in completely disbelief, “where did you get these?”

“i did!” jack says coming from behind dean in an awkward hug from behind, “i can still tap into the power of god if i want to. it wasn’t hard to pop into different points of your life and just take a picture.”

dean turns back and pulls jack forward to pull him into a better hug as he laughs. that’s somehow the craziest thing he’s ever heard. 

“happy birthday, dad,” jack says. and he tenses against dean.

“did you just call me dad?” dean asks.

“no,” jack lies. 

“right,” dean says, a grin on his face that he looks up and notices that cas shares.

“well, it’s kinda creepy that you existed for a second at different points in my life, but i love it, jack. a walk down memory lane, shit and all. i love it, thank you, son” and he leans down to press a kiss against the top of jack’s head.

“this what kept you?” dean asks cas as jack lets go and says he’s heading inside.

cas nods and he says with a little shrug, “it seemed like a kind gesture. i sort of gave him points to land on. that way he didn’t land in the middle of a hunt or something. i’m sorry, dean.”

dean shakes his head and goes to set the book down on the chair he’d been sitting in and he walks back over to cas. where cas is standing, there’s a cement step between the cement patio area and the grass that dean and sam had been sitting in. it makes it so cas is a few inches taller than dean. 

dean finds himself turning around so that cas can come around him, head coming to rest on dean’s shoulder and his arms coming around dean’s middle.

“thought you were supposed to be sleeping,” dean says with a mocking tone.

“and miss your forty-second birthday?” cas asks, turning to press a kiss to the side of dean’s face. they look up at the sky and dean wonders how exactly he got there. there’s a feeling in his chest that he doesn’t understand, but he knows what it is. it’s peace, it’s happiness. 

“i have a speech prepared for you,” cas says softly. his hands tap at dean’s stomach and dean brings up his own hands to cover them.

“right, right. something about how my eyes glitter like the moon?” dean asks, his tone is still jokey.

“something like that,” cas says, “and moreso how you’ve been the world’s lifeline and how i’m so happy you’re finally thinking of yourself.”

dean’s heart sinks a little as cas continues.

“you know sam loves you, you know your friends love you. you know that i love you with the wrath of heaven behind me. and somehow that doesn’t compare to the happiness i feel now that i know that you finally love you.”

dean’s face goes completely red. the warmth is different from the warmth of the next kiss that cas places against his cheek again. 

“thank you,” he chokes out, voice breaking because he’s started crying again, “i... i don’t have heaven. but i love you with the power of a guy who fought god.”

cas laughs, “and won,” he adds.

dean’s blush comes down a little and he leans back just a little, so he can turn and meet cas full on in another kiss before turning back to look out at the normal neighbourhood sam’s found himself in. 

“do you think we could do something like this? cookie cutter house. you me and the kid?” dean asks.

“if you think you’re prepared to let the bunker go, i don’t see why not,” cas responds. 

the thought of turning the bunker’s lights out for good makes dean feel a certain kind of way. still, though. now it’s a thought that’s popped into his head. who knows. 

for now, he’s content to stand there with his angel, looking out at the other backyards, at the stars while their respective kids sleep in the house. 

[darkpoisonouslove]

Winx Club Season 5 Thoughts Part 2

Part 1 is here.

5x14:

- I thought there was a musical performance coming up but nope. I can do with cleaning up a beach instead. I like it. And they’re sorting the trash as they pick it up? That’s actually super thoughtful. They have their moments.

- Icy and Tritannus are disgusting. And not because they’re cute and I hate cute like Stormy does. It’s because they’re cringy.

- So is Tritannus just gonna have Daphne floating around after him until the end of the season?

- Sooooo... there’s a throne that can give you ultimate power over the whole dimension and it’s just chilling there in the middle of the Infinite Ocean? That seems incredibly illogical and stupid to me. Who has access to the Infinite Ocean again? I know Sirenix got cursed but that was about 20 years ago. What was going on before that? Surely, Daphne couldn’t have been the only Sirenix fairy. And what if one of the fairies with Sirenix decided to just sit on the throne and take the power? This is just... an incredibly stupid and undeveloped concept even by Winx’ standards.

- Again, I have no idea why Daphne warned him at all. Just let the curse make everyone’s jobs easier and get rid of him. (I thought only the Trix had Sirenix, though, because he doesn’t look different after he got it and him being drained by the throne seems to support the idea that his powers are all coming from the pollution he consumes.) Also, how very convenient for him that there is a singular cell right there next to the Emperor’s Throne. ‘Cause any part of this makes any sense.

- Okay, they just vanished matter again. And yeah, we’ve established there is no logic to that but maybe it would have been a better idea to have all that trash recycled? So that it could have been used again? That would have been more eco friendly as it saves resources.

- Aww, poor Stella! Yes, the dress of carrots was definitely too impractical to be worn on a daily basis and also a potential hazard if it draws animals to you but I still feel bad for her. At least she was trying to do something good. And if she adapts her strategy a little and uses some magic she could really succeed in her mission and make clothing more ecological. I have a feeling that they are only writing her making horrible designs on purpose to give the appearance of some arc for her character. We all know season 1-3 Stella would have done so much better with her designs.

- Okay, Brandon did not handle that talk at all but I appreciate the fact that he was honest at the very least instead of just saying what Stella wants to hear from him. It was certainly hard for both of them but that is how relationships should be - honest.

- Yes, they just rationalized that all the garbage might draw in Tritannus but the moment they see a purple tornado it doesn’t click that that is Stormy. Because purple tornadoes are totally natural on Earth.

- The Trix look even worse in the 2D style while Winx look somewhat better than they do in 3D.

- Seriously, tell me how Winx are gonna defeat that tornado. Stormy could probably tear apart the whole planet with the power she’s packing here. And Tritannus, Icy and Darcy haven’t even lifted a finger yet.

- Yeah, it took all six of Winx to handle only Stormy’s powers so the evil group will just leave. It’s not like they appear stronger and probably have chances to win this.

- Love how everyone’s observation skills are going through a meltdown.

- Tritannus is ruthless and I have to say that I love that. I’m sick of the villains just leaving Winx alone without doing all the damage they possibly could just because the plot needs it to be so. Even here he could have made the mutants attack them and he didn’t but at least he used them as leverage so it’s better.

- Layla’s reaction was a little over the top in the Infinite Ocean but I am glad that they are showing her to be so upset about her relatives even though it’s extended family. We don’t see enough familial relationships on Winx.

- Please, tell me Tritannus will get the power of the Throne. Otherwise, they shoved all the nonsense surrounding it in here for nothing. And that will be a bigger challenge for Winx.

5x15:

- Love how in season 3 every Winx girl had a different swimming technique but now they are all swimming in the same way.

- Where is this problem coming out of all of a sudden? Stella had no issue firing at Tritannus in the previous episode. They’re just doing it to manufacture drama because otherwise, she would have the power to save her father from the beginning of the episode and they wouldn’t have an episode.

- They gave Layla a sword. Good. Best decision they’ve made all season.

- Love that Darcy and Stormy are thinking about what their role is here.

- Who thought the selkies could protect anything? They can’t even protect themselves.

- I love that they showed a couple of worlds but we only really saw the effect of the eclipse on Andros and Solaria.

- Radius has never been that much of an asshole (not that we’ve seen that much of him). He seems totally out of character here and I hate to admit that there is some logic to him being ruled by pride since he is legit standing in for the sun. I love the fact that both Stella and Luna were super worried about him, though, and instantly came to help.

- Omg, their hair changing colors is so not necessary or relevant rn. Wish they would just leave it alone.

- Layla roasting Tritannus that he’s letting Icy do all his fighting was absolute peak! I’m here for it!

- Okay, so there was literally no reason why Stella’s light didn’t work at the beginning of the episode but did at the end and it only made her seem more self-centered if anything because she only really put her will into fighting once she was directly affected. Not @ the way this season is not pulling off the emotional arcs at all.

- Wow, okay. Icy sacrificing herself for Tritannus was just... unexpected. Winx weren’t prepared either. I am glad that at least he had the decency to be mad that she’s hurt and appreciate what she did for him.

- Aww, Luna is absolutely precious and I love her already!

- Couldn’t have Bloom used her fire to the same effect that Stella used her light? And Layla could have totally used her morphix to cover them and make sure they won’t be hit. They didn’t just have to stand there and be useless.

5x16:

- Why did I hear Layla say pillow instead of pillar? I think I might need to go to bed (it’s like 5am).

- Nature kick? Nature KICK???????? They gave Flora an attack that’s inherently violent? What the hell were they thinking? That has never been her style so why start now?

- “I’d do anything for you, Tritannus.” Yes, including abandoning your sisters. Nice one, Icy!

- I knew it that the two mutants Layla freed would be Nereus and Tressa. No way can we have any adults here.

- It’s interesting that convergence didn’t work. There’s an intriguing implication in that somewhere but it’s too late to unpack it now.... Okay, now that I am awake (and have watched the rest of the episodes), let’s see what I get out of this. The Pillar needed light which is something tangible and physical unlike the other two Pillars so the convergence didn’t work because Stella is the only one whose powers are about light. I like the implication here and they could have done something interesting with it, not to mention implement some rules when it comes to convergence at the very least.

- Stella just singlehandedly powered all the suns in the Magic Dimension. That is the most powerful thing we have seen anyone do on this show. I love her so much!

- Aww, I feel so bad for Stella! I am crying over here. And seriously, why is Radius being so prickly here? He wasn’t like that in season 3. Stella was even ready to let them ignore her if it would mean that they could also ignore the budding argument. This is hurting her so much and it’s hurting me as well!

- Aww, Kiko really wanted to cheer Stella up so badly! He’s adorable.

- Was Erendor the one suggesting that they unite their powers? Wow, I am just shocked. Also, kinda amused that Faragonda managed to make them all shut up even though they are all more “important” than she is.

- So why is Diaspro on Eraklyon? She was supposed to be banished. But no, we need more stupid drama. I see that Erendor at least is back to his prickliness. And yes, I totally have to agree with Samara that he just made an awful mistake. Giving Diaspro the authority to speak in his name is a rash and reckless decision in general. After she mind controlled Sky? Absolute madness,

- Wizgiz looks so weird without his hat.

- What is so hard to figure out about the “fight fire with fire” expression? But they did a pretty good job regardless.

- Of course, there is Diaspro drama even when she and Sky don’t have any kind of personal relations anymore. But still, I don’t think Bloom should be so affected by it because she was told it was for his royal duties. (and since the meeting is held on Domino, she could totally be there as well) It is frustrating but it’s still better than what has happened with Diaspro before.

5x17:

- Omg, Daphne is pushing herself to her limits in the name of saving everyone. Meanwhile, what does she get in return? Tortured by both Stormy and Tritannus, vaguely ignored by her sister and the show won’t even let her parents show concern for her (not that they can save her now that she is in the Infinite Ocean but they could have tried in 5x13).

- Why is Kiko sleeping so far off the ground? That is dangerous. He could roll off the pillow in his sleep and fall... Or Bloom could send him flying through the room when she tosses in her sleep. Poor bunny.

- Eye of Inspiration? Wow, okay.

- Weren’t there four pillars? Why only three seals? And Pillar of Control and Pillar of Balance? What the hell? Light is at least tangible. But control and balance? What the hell?

- I can’t believe that Icy would turn on Darcy and Stormy because of a guy. This is so stupid and I hate it.

- When are the selkies going to learn that they are useless and the best idea would be to hide and go look for someone who actually stands a chance against Tritannus?

- The moon thing was some serious level of bullshit. Like, I get that it looks all fairytale-y and magic-y and shit but when you look at it from a logical point of view, it’s just a fucking mess. You’re telling me that just looking down at the well releases some magic? What the hell? Even if you take their Sirenix into account, this is still weird. (The room made of water was cool, though). Oh, and a map of the Infinite Ocean. How convenient. Because Alfea has all the answers.

- Wow, Mike and Vanessa are actually gonna clean that whole trash island up? I am in awe of their determination.

- Okay, so where the hell are the fairies of Earth? It would make sense for them to take action against Tritannus. He is hurting the planet directly and is also a major threat that needs to be dealt with. They should have been involved now that their kingdom was reinstated.

- Well, Stella is still feisty even when she’s sleep deprived. Also, I see they have no problem using their Sirenix powers now. I am so sick of them using convergence, though. Wish they’d do something more creative.

- I honestly wish Tritannus will get rid of the selkies permanently because they are that annoying.

- Seriously? Tritannus knows that they can follow him in the Infinite Ocean but he just... thought they wouldn’t find him? He should know better by now. And Layla was weird too because they know where he will be going. They can find him. Also, another convergence? Come. On!

5x18:

- What took Tritannus so long to show up? He was right there with the Trix. I do like the critique on Icy’s long hair that this was. Like, girl is aesthetic as hell but long hair could def be very dangerous.

- I am actually on Icy and Tritannus’ side here because the selkies are boring me to tears.

- Here’s an idea for you - instead of Daphne sacrificing every last bit of strength and vitality she has, maybe the Winx could figure something out on their own for a change.

- Ugh, the ugly dresses again. Classic, my ass. Ungodly hideous suits it better.

- Really not @ the way Marion’s throne is smaller than Oritel’s. Like, Erendor and Samara’s thrones were the same size but you’re telling me that Marion and Oritel’s are different implying that he has more power? Yeah, no. Fuck that idea. I like the third throne, though. What a shame Daphne isn’t there to fill her rightful place.

- I am so sick of the Diaspro drama that they are shoving in this even now.

- Oh, look! Roy is also there. How else are we gonna know that he is a Big DealTM? You know? Obviously someone that Layla should date.

- See, Marion is even the one leading this whole assembly. Though, my guess is that that would be because the union is her idea and Oritel agreed (probably a little begrudgingly). Of course, everyone else has to be a royal and prideful idiot about this. (I guess it was Theredor in 5x16 that suggested that they unite and not Erendor which would definitely make more sense). But yes, Winx are facing the consequences of what happens when everyone has a vote and you need consensus. Nothing gets fucking done. For once it actually looks plausible that Winx are more effective than any of the adults because they make up their minds quickly. Usually to a common stupid idea but they are certainly doing better than all the royals at this assembly.

- If the dragon is totally untamed, how is Codatorta riding it? This does not make sense to me. And I thought they would be learning strategy.

- Not @ the way Radius was being condescending to Stella. But I like the fact that she got through to him. She is gonna be a precious queen!

- I have to side with Diaspro because Bloom and Sky literally thought it to be a good idea to just leave the assembly and go deal with their teenage romance bullshit. Fucking responsible adults you are. Oh, yeah, sure. When she’s actually needed, she can’t leave all of a sudden and she’ll let the others do everything.

- Well, Winx are recklessly courageous, I will give them that. I hate how instantly they need their lessons, though. They learn something and it comes in handy the same day. What if something had happened, and they hadn’t had the lesson? They would be toast. Honestly, the levels of convenience because they don’t trust the audience to remember what happened in the episodes before that is just insane. It would have been better to have a couple of episodes between learning a skill and having to use it.

- Oh, wow! They noticed the pollution? I can’t believe it! Finally! This episode is actually treating me better. If they’d let the selkies become snacks and let Bloom take some responsibility, it would have been good. Now it isn’t half bad.

- This makes zero sense because Erendor and Oritel aka Eraklyon and Domino did have an alliance against the Ancestral Witches. And considering Erendor feeling guilty for betraying that alliance, it would make sense for him to join this one to fix his mistake back then or at least not repeat it. Only possible explanation for his behavior that I can think of is that Eraklyon is actually in a crisis and their defenses are in pretty bad shape so he doesn’t want the others to know that. But that still leaves them defenseless against a potential attack. This is stupid. I mean, his pride is obviously an explanation in and of itself but it is also the definition of stupid.

5x19:

- Why is Erendor so dense? If they defend the Pillars, Tritannus will be easier to beat without the power he will get if he destroys the Pillars. It is a simple deduction.

- Aww! This scene with Riven and Musa is so adorable! He was actually enjoying the music so much and Musa opened up about her mother. That was actually precious.

- Wow, they really tried hard to tie the balance thing to the sea and to music.

- Oh, man! Please, tell me Riven didn’t just run away like that because he got uncomfortable with emotions... Oh, wait! I get it now. He is planning a surprise for her and needs the help of this other girl, I believe it is the same one whose guitar playing skills he was admiring when Musa got all jealous for no fucking reason whatsoever. And they are making stupid drama again.

- Oh, come on! I have to stand Bloom and Sky stupid drama as well on top of the other one?!?!?! I hate this. Also, when will Bloom understand that she can’t be the center of Sky’s universe. She may not care about her royal duties but he was at least raised with some sense of responsibility towards his title. And what does Bloom do? Use her title to rub Diaspro’s nose in her victory on the Sky matter and then she just starts weeping over Sky wanting to talk to his father instead of dealing with the more important shit!

- You’d think that those Pillars would be better protected considering how fucking important they are. Also, aren’t the writers tired of making innocent mermaids on Andros suffer?

- They’re actually making a plan? And it’s a decent one? I can’t believe it!

- At least Tritannus goes back for Icy every time. Not that that’s gonna last but if she’s gonna ditch Darcy and Stormy, it’d better be worth it at least a little.

- Loved Bloom’s magical punch but the slow mo of Layla’s kick really does it a big disservice.

- Why did he throw his trident? That was idiotic. Layla going up in his face so that he could grab it back was also idiotic as hell so I guess they are equally stupid to balance each other out. Could have just blasted him with the trident and get it over with but noooooo. They have to make dumb choices.

- O. M. G! Darcy and Stormy got the whales? That was... so fucking AWESOME!!!! I was worried that them disappearing would actually fuck them over because Tritannus would get mad at them but they actually come back with the whales? Epic. Also, this makes me think that they are at least partially responsible for the chaos going on because Musa said it is the whales that keep the balance and Darcy just hypnotized them. I am so proud of my girl! *happy sob* Her powers really are just so badass in this season.

5x20:

- Seriously? This episode is titled “The Problems of Love” because of all the Sky and Bloom bullshit that will be in it (possibly Riven and Musa and even Tritannus and Icy as well)? Because THAT is the most important thing going on now.

- Okay, so Icy isn’t impressed by what Stormy and Darcy did for her? Girl, you need to wake the fuck up. I do love the energy of Darcy and Stormy just being evil sisters together and fucking shit up, though.

- So why did the rest of Winx not go to the Pillar while Musa was dealing with the whales? Also, didn’t they try the convergence on the Pillar of Light? It didn’t work. Why do they think it will work now? Oh, it actually did. Of course. Because balance. THE SYMBOLISM IS STRONG.

- Really not a fan of the way they have chopped the episodes in favor of suspense instead of in favor of every episode having a completed mini arc.

- Okay, so Musa is mature enough to know that bringing her mother back from the dead will mess with the natural flow of things but she can’t trust Riven just a tad bit more.

- So did Stella and Brandon make up? Last time we saw anything about them Stella said she hated them which she obviously didn’t mean but still. That was just left hanging there.

- Can they all leave Tecna alone? She and Timmy are happy with the way things are. If it works for them, then that’s the only thing that matters. And Musa projecting her relationship drama onto Tecna was just the worst. Glad at least Tecna trusts Timmy implicitly.

- Okay, so did Diaspro think this through? Of course, she didn’t. Once Sky learns what she’s done, she will probably get in trouble. I say probably because Erendor is kinda on her side here so it’s not all that certain. But in any case, she will make Sky resent her more. So still not a good idea.

- Bloom doesn’t have patience to wait for a minute. She knows Sky is busy and has a lot of things to do. She could just calm down a little and not expect him to respond to her every summons.

- Oh, my god! She really thinks that she is more important than a royal meeting. You are fucking yourself over and I wouldn’t give a damn if your stupid relationship drama wasn’t 50% of this godforsaken show.

- Sky should turn his phone off and Bloom should just get some fucking perspective. I know she’s used to being the center of the world but she needs to get her priorities straight as well. She should be looking for Daphne instead of being a fucking idiot over there. They know about the Emperor’s Throne. And if they have a map of the Infinite Ocean, they should know where it is. Just go there and confront Tritannus instead of waiting for him to keep stealing seals! How hard can it be? But of course, you need to have your head in the game, not in your bullshit relationship.

- My god, even ethereal beings like the guardians of Sirenix were dragged into this shit. At least that gave effect. And Bloom admitted she is the problem. I can’t believe it! Actual character development. Of course, I don’t expect it to stick until the next episode so it won’t matter but still.

- Umm... the wind should be carrying the pollen away from the flowers. It can’t carry pollen to them if the pollen comes from them. The wind can only carry it away. That is basically the idea of pollen. To get carried away.

- Omg, I am so tired of Stella’s interest in fashion fucking everything up. They’re making her incompetent and ignorant of everything else on purpose. Also, why can’t they fly? That was just out of nowhere.

5x21:

- They each have a special Sirenix spell? Was that concept introduced before or did it just show up now? I don’t think they’d said anything about that, though it would have been nice in the episode where Stella was having issues but later found the way to fix the Pillar of Light.

- I just wish they would leave Tecna and Timmy alone. Besides, they don’t have to go on a “real” and “romantic” date in order to be face to face. They can just chill on the couch and talk about what THEY want.

- Did Helia just tell Timmy to “man up”? You know what would be “manning up”? Getting over your egoistical impulses to meddle in everyone’s lives because you think you know best. At least Riven is being honest.

- What happened to just being yourself? Tecna and Timmy are already into each other for who they are. They don’t need all of this not so good dating advice.

- Wow, Daphne is going for desperate measures here but she is making sense at the very least.

- I am getting second hand embarrassment over Tecna and Timmy’s date. Poor guys. They just need to be themselves.

- Well, they succeeded with the destruction of the seal. I would love to see Tritannus’ reaction as well.

- Aww, at least Tecna and Timmy got to have a good end to their disastrous date.

5x22:

- I am so sick of Tritannus and Icy always repeating that they’ll be the emperor and empress once the Throne is complete. We get it, okay? No need to say it over and over again. I have a feeling they’re only doing that because they don’t actually have anything else to talk about.

- Omg, I thought this shit with Crystal and Helia was over. How much longer? Why is this even happening? I am so exasperated rn. At least Crystal is not like Diaspro. Even though the show tried to strongly suggest the similarity between them.

- Can they stop jumping to conclusions? Like, Flora legit saw Helia interact with Crystal for three seconds and it wasn’t him that threw himself at her. Flora is always trying to be polite so she should think that it’s possible that Helia is doing the same. Also, love how her insecurity stems from doubts in herself but that will never be resolved ever because no one gets proper arcs anymore.

- How is the king’s decision rational? It’s bullshit.

- Why the hell would droids function better in cold weather. How does that make sense?

- It would have been more interesting if Tritannus had destroyed the whole Pillar and they had to rebuild it from scratch. That might have needed more than convergence to fix and would have been a better challenge.

- Really? They have to fight the droids? That is the most predictable, most boring scenario that they could have come up with. Also, why isn’t there secondary defense against the droids? Like, just in case. No technology is infallible.

- I am confused. Is Tecna the princess of Zenith or not? Why does the king know her specifically if she’s not? Is it because she’s the guardian fairy of the planet? That could have been so much more interesting to see than any of this. A political discussion between him and the fairy that guards the whole planet. More worldbuilding.

- At least he changed his mind. I was hoping that would be the result of the mess with the droids.

- Aww, Tecna wished for Zenithians to feel empathy and connection! That is so precious. She has grown so much. Actually, this season hasn’t treated Tecna half bad. There were some golden opportunities that were missed but I actually like most of what they did do.

- Seriously? Sky sent a request for Bloom and she was still bitching about it? Honestly, that invitation for a diplomatic meeting could have been a cute thing where they get to both solve the issue with Eraklyon not wanting to join the alliance and their relationship drama. But no.

- I love Darcy and Stormy as a dynamic duo even if it pains me that Icy is treating them like that. But there is always place for her once she gets her mind back because she’s currently lost it.

5x23:

- I thought Politea was gonna be the plot of the third movie. But they’re bringing her in now? I am not sure I like this.

- Tritannus getting beaten down is a sight for sore eyes.

- Okay, I love this cute Bloom and Stella moment. Even if I am still not a fan of how they are giving Stella trouble with her designs because we all know that she is super good at what she does.

- Orrrrr... they could just use their Believix transformations and the Tracix wings to see the past. Though, those did seem to work only for the current location you’re at. And no past transformation is ever brought back.

- Why does Politea look like a brunette Bloom? Can they stop trying to make more of her? One is more than enough. Also, if Politea is a nymph as well, why does she look so plain compared to Daphne? We get it that Bloom and her whole family (and her whole planet) are all oh so special but this is ridiculous.

- Why the fuck did Politea refuse to help? If the Witches stole the power of the Infinite Ocean, she couldn’t get it for herself. Also, this is a blatant contradiction to everything we’ve been shown in the previous seasons. The witches grabbed Daphne and cursed her right after she opened the portal that sent Bloom to Earth, not in some battle for the Infinite Ocean.

- Didn’t Daphne say that Politea’s Sirenix turned evil because she turned evil? What the hell? And why would she turn into a monster when Daphne lost her body?????? I hate this.

- Oh, so Bloom’s going it alone now? Nice way to say she doesn’t think her friends can handle it because they aren’t as powerful as her. Wasn’t it exactly the fact that Politea refused to help Daphne that allegedly fucked them both over? Bloom should know better.

- Really? Icy didn’t dodge that? There’s a shitton of space in that underwater cave. She could have escaped in any direction. But no, she has to be dumb and get kicked. Lemme guess, Bloom went alone so that it could be a one on one against Icy and the writers could pretend there was any tension because that obviously wouldn’t have been the case if the rest of Winx were also there.

- So Politea just disappeared because that makes sense. Not like she’s a separate human being that was not formed by her Sirenix powers. And Darcy and Stormy are completely fine even though they absorbed an allegedly cursed Sirenix. And no one bothered finishing off Bloom just to make sure she would actually get finished off. How very convenient.

- Both Radius and Luna were at the assembly at Domino. Now they’re acting like 3-year-olds. I hate this so much. I can see why Stella is so done with their fighting. But I am so proud of her for talking to them and actually telling them how their behavior makes her feel. That was pretty mature of her. If only they could take her example and do the same and actually talk instead of just snapping at each other.

- Oh, and the teachers are at the fashion show as well? That’s cool.

- It’s actually cool that Stella didn’t wish her parents to get back together. She could have but that wouldn’t have been right since they don’t want that. Her wish is still a little questionable because their understanding of each other is not entirely their doing but, on the other hand, she wished that they would just listen to each other. Not necessarily agree. So I think it is actually okay.

- Awwww! It’s so cute from the rest of Winx to model Stella’s clothes!

- Lmaooo, Wizgiz is killing me in this episode. It’s cute how excited he is, though.

- I am so proud of Stella for what she said to (and about) Brandon. Now THAT was really mature of her. I loved it!

- Omg, Riven wrote a whole song for Musa! I knew that he would have a really cool surprise for her. Honestly, she doesn’t appreciate him as much as she should (when he’s not a jerk and he hasn’t been this season).

- But why is Roy with the Specialists? He’s not a part of their team. Please, stop acting like he has any place in this friend group. He’s an outsider and he’s never made any meaningful connections with any of them.

5x24:

- Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Dolphins are so precious!

- So Erendor did join the alliance at last? Not that they can agree on much still but at least they took the first step. Not @ the way the show keeps implying that Earth is the only planet that has pollution. And why did Flora decide to be dramatic before speaking?

- Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! The dolphins! Someone needs to stop him! He’s gonna destroy the precious dolphins!

- They actually made a joint decision? And Erendor fired Diaspro? Wow. WOW! I stan this episode. I just hope it won’t disappoint by the end. Oh, and here’s a prediction - Flora will earn her Sirenix wish this ep. Or Layla. But I think it will be Flora. (Bloom’s obv gonna be last.)

- Uggggh... Did a giant praying mantis just appear behind Stella and Layla? Why? Please no. (But that only makes me lean more in favor of Flora being the one to earn her wish this ep.)

- Oh, there’s more of them. I feel like all the “kick” spells of Sirenix were made specifically for the purpose of this episode.

- These shields couldn’t be any smaller. Sirenix spells are kinda lame, not gonna lie. Harmonix was much better in that regard (and more aesthetic even if impractical).

- Oh, yes. Don’t hurt the enormous bugs. The spell that is supposed to restore damaged environments will erase them out of existence instead. How is that better and why is Flora okay with it if she didn’t want the animals hurt?

- Is there anyone else in that task force besides the Specialists and the droids? You’re telling me that those are the only resources that the Magic Dimension can spare on the fight with what is currently the biggest threat to their existence? This is ridiculous.

- Luna can control the second sun of Solaria? I love that. I love her!

- So... Roy wasn’t even in danger. That’s so lame. I could have been on board with Layla saving him. And it would have been a nice parallel to their first meeting. Also, we have never seen them interact in order to care about any potential feelings between them. This is not how you make a relationship.

- Of course, Flora wouldn’t wish anything that tells us something new about her character. At this point nature and caring about it is the only personality trait she has (oh, and her doubts about her relationship with Helia). We can’t have anything else about her. Here’s something she could have wished for - that her sister can only ever die of natural death which could a) bring up the fact that she has a sister again and b) imply that she is still not over the fact that Miele almost died on her watch.

5x25:

- Omg, where is this sudden uncertainty about Helia coming from? Even though Crystal is not trying to take him from her. I wish this had been better set up at the very least. It could have been a great arc but we can’t have that, of course.

- Alfea has to be at least three times as big to host all the facilities we’ve seen it have in this season alone. I mean, come on!

- So now the mirror is a magical shoe designer? At least Stella’s wish to be with her parents was cute. But you’re telling me that all Layla wants right now is to dance with Roy? I call bullshit on that. She had zero time to recover from losing Nabu and I am so mad over this new “romance” being shoved at her out of the blue.

- Flora and Helia aren’t even gonna talk about this? Because the magical mirror solved the problem by showing what’s in her heart? I should have known this was going to happen.

- And why did Icy offer Layla instead of any of the other Winx? Because Layla has to be the strongest considering the nature of her powers aka she will be the hardest to capture. Though, it makes sense that the strongest will be the best fit to activate the Throne.

- So how did Nereus and Tressa go into the Infinite Ocean? Tritannus couldn’t before he stole Daphne’s Sirenix powers. So how did they manage without Sirenix?

- Why is Stella the one asking how to get rid of the mutants without hurting them when she was the one who managed to do exactly that in a previous episode? But, of course, they have forgotten all about previous episodes. Continuity? Don’t know her.

- How is the Breath of the Ocean summoning all the selkies? It was supposed to restore damaged environments. Now it suddenly has more functions because, of course, it does. It would be too much to want of them to figure out something else.

- Yes, I can see how they aren’t hurting the mutants. Not like knocking them out and possibly giving them concussions is hurting them. How could you think that?

- Oh, so Flora also has a “nature punch”? Are you kidding me?

- I see. They gave them all “punches” to compliment the “kicks” they already had. How very creative.

- You’d think that a prince would have been taught basic battle strategy and wouldn’t just turn his back on the enemy. But... obvious plot device to make Layla blow up and defeat Tritannus is obvious.

- Wow, they had to threaten Layla with losing someone else she cares about so that she couldn’t bring Nabu back to life and they could keep going with their stupid new romantic interest bullshit.

- AND Tritannus stole her power? Can Layla catch a break here? Also, why aren’t the rest of Winx following Bloom to go help Layla as well?

5x26:

- Wait, wait, wait! Are you telling me that the selkies knew where the Throne was this whole time?!?!?!?! AND they didn’t lead Winx there even though it was obvious that was where Tritannus was? Because “we’re almost there” implies that Bloom’s selkie knows the way to the Throne. So why, pray tell, are they only going there now and didn’t use that to fight him before?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! You know, when he still didn’t have everything he needed to activate the Throne?

- Did Tritannus get possessed by the power or something? This change in attitude is completely weird and really pissing me off because they could have actually done something decent with Icy and Tritannus’ relationship and the way it ended but they did not put a single thought in it. Anyway, I am glad Icy is back to her senses.

- Well, Musa looked like she was aiming at Roy which I wouldn’t mind all that much if it hadn’t been the middle of an important battle for which they needed him. But her magic waves didn’t affect him even though he was directly in their way so whatever.

- Now the whole palace is submerged. RIP to all the servants in there that didn’t have a tower to hide in and the Winx to save them.

- I actually love the idea of Winx interacting with the parents of the other Winx. It’s cute.

- Okay, but why is destroying the trident gonna render him powerless? He literally grew in size when he received the power of the Throne which means that it has to be in his body so taking away the trident shouldn’t work. Smh.

- Man, what a lame way to get rid of all the villains and their minions. Very anti climatic. And they didn’t even need the rest of Winx there. So what was this bullshit that they needed Sirenix to defeat him when that barely played any part in his downfall? If anything, it was what let him get the power to activate the Throne. (We all know they could have fixed the pillars even with Harmonix.)

- The gate of Oblivion? Hey, why did no one toss Valtor in there? Or the Trix for that matter?

- So Bloom didn’t actually wish to get Daphne back but to remove the Sirenix curse? Not that there’s much difference since the curse only ever seemed to have worked on Daphne (and Politea that just vanished in thin air).

- I’ll take Daphne’s comment about Bloom being the best little sister in the whole universe as her being emotional over the fact that she was brought back to life. It took Bloom so long to figure out that there was something wrong with her and then even longer to save her. In fact, she didn’t even look as concerned with Daphne’s situation as she was with her own romantic drama so I am not buying that she is so good at being a little sister. Besides, we all know that Miele is the best little sister.

- Aww, I really love that shot of Bloom and her whole family group hugging. And I especially love the fact that Mike and Vanessa are also there!

Oh, I have to write some sort of conclusion now? I was pretty clear on my feelings about this season so I don’t think there’s much to say. Only a few final words to the season itself - I dub thee The Season of Missed Opportunities. Also, love how Musa didn’t even get to use her Sirenix wish. Guess she didn’t please fate enough... even though she was mature enough to know that wishing her dead mother back was not the way she should use her wish. I call bullshit on that (and yes, this is my closing statement).

[arcaneranger]

Final Thoughts - 2019 Long Shows

Dear Lord. This is where all the good shows went.

2019 was absolutely awful on a season-by-season basis (except for Summer, anyway), but that’s mostly because most of the best shows ran longer than what has become the industry norm of a single season. And indeed, heading into the new decade, we seem to be seeing a major renaissance for two- or split-cour shows, given the massive success seen by shows like My Hero Academia, Food Wars, and Haikyuu!!..particularly in comparison to the new perpetual-runners Black Clover (which, despite running for over two straight years now, is still not the most popular show of Fall 2017 by viewer count on MAL, and sits at a ‘meh’ 7.2), and even worse, Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, which is faring even worse on both counts even though it premiered two whole seasons earlier and the fact that it is the sequel to Naruto.

As a reminder of my rules, the shows on this list may or may not have premiered in 2019, but they finished airing this year. The split-cour rule (stating that I judge any show that “finishes” and then premieres a “new season” within six months) didn’t come into play for any 2018 shows, but it will for Ascendance of a Bookworm and Food Wars this year, at the very least.

With that being said! 25 shows running longer than thirteen episodes finished airing this year after being simulcast, and of those…

I skipped 6:

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part V: Golden Wind, Fairy Tail Final Series, A Certain Magical Index III, Ace Attorney Season 2 and Cardfight Vanguard (2018) because I either dropped or have not finished their previous (also long-running) seasons.

Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS because the simulcast started late and also it was bad.

I Dropped 8:

Worst Long Show of 2019: The Rising of the Shield Hero

It’s always fun to see that a show you hated from its first episode only gets more and more distasteful afterwards, but it’s less fun when a service you have to promote because they’re the legal option is forced to shove it down your throat because they had a hand in making it and it became a massive hit that your friends don’t see any issue with because the author wrote a story that justifies its hero’s patronage of the slave industry. This is my punishment for watching the whole first season of The Asterisk War before I knew better.

YU-NO: A girl who chants love at the bound of this world

A confusing mess from the word go, this ill-fated adaptation of a visual novel from the nineties seems like it was mostly made to cash in on the popularity of the Science Adventure series, but failed to present itself in a way that made an ounce of sense or looked remotely interesting.

Fairy Gone

Am I really the only one that saw potential here? I mean yes, it ended up a boring slog that didn’t care to move its plot in a meaningful direction, but the first episode was at least cool. I guess Izetta: The Last Witch should have taught me better.

We Never Learn

I know that I’m in the minority in terms of the male demographic for shows like this, but honestly, how are bland harem shows still this easy to market? A copy-pasted protagonist with copy-pasted waifus drag down what could be an interesting setup for a story. 

Karakuri Circus

The first episode of this one had me excited, the second and third left me bored to tears and wondering if it would continue to look uglier by the minute. I haven’t seen a three-cour show look this janky since Knight in the Area.

Radiant

Having heard good things about this show from my cohorts, I do feel bad for saying I’ll probably never return to Radiant, but when you have a show that’s notably written by a European author...and it turns out to be a frustratingly standard shounen affair with middling production values, well, you can see my earlier annoyance with Cannon Busters.

Ensemble Stars

This one still gets to me. It almost looked like a male-idol show I would finally be able to get behind, what with its rebellious attitude and oddball setting...that is, until the setting got to be too unbelievable and the show began drowning its audience in side-characters because they had to squeeze every husbando from the mobile game into the story, and it all began to resemble UtaPri a little too much...but without the production value.

Boogiepop and Others

This was a hard drop, honestly. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I felt four episodes in, before concluding that I was bored and not particularly invested, two things that should never describe the experience of watching a Madhouse show. The fact that this was the project responsible for ruining One Punch Man only made it worse. There’s a slow burn, and then there’s walking away without turning the stove on.

And I Finished 11 (holy crap that’s like three hundred episodes just on their own).

That Time I Was Reincarnated as a Slime (5/10 & 1/10)

I’ll be honest, I had forgotten just how livid I was with the ending (and especially the sad excuse of a recap episode) of Slimesekai, and reading back through my write-up of it, it’s certainly coming back to me. While this year had bigger demons to fight (Shield Hero), the bad taste that Slime left me with hasn’t really faded, and the wasted premise bugs me to this day.

Hinomaru Sumo (7/10)

What Hinomaru lacked in production value, it happily made up for in good execution and earnest heart. I can’t believe this came from the same studio as Conception, Try Knights and 7Seeds, but if they can only get out one good show a year, I’m glad that we got one bringing attention to a sport that many will joke about but few understand, respect and appreciate.

Kono Oto Tomare (7/10)

Speaking of giving love to traditional Japanese culture, here’s a decent-if-unoriginal show about a local high school koto club down on their luck, and the troubled teens coming together under a scrappy protagonist to bring it back to life. Kono Oto Tomare doesn’t have much that you haven’t seen before, but a decently-executed club drama with Your Lie In April-inspired musical performances is more than enough to keep me interested, and since Forest of Piano kinda crashed and burned under the weight of its own self-importance this year, it was nice to have an alternative.

MIX: Meisei Story (8/10)

It’s hard to judge MIX next to the other shows on this list because it’s almost too old-school for its own good, revelling in an eighties storytelling style that didn’t end up jiving with a wide audience this year. But at the same time, its fun character dynamics (and a very good dub from Funimation, despite them saying they’d never touch sports anime again) were very entertaining to watch, even if it didn’t focus as much on the sport it was supposedly about as much as I’d have liked.

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (8/10)

I fully admit that I’m very salty about the fact that this won Show of the Decade in Funimation’s poll while it was still on and I thought there were hundreds of more deserving shows, but I can’t deny that Demon Slayer was a very enjoyable experience, albeit one that I had notable problems with. That’s not gonna stop me from getting mad when it sweeps the Anime Awards in a few weeks, though.

Fire Force (8/10)

I was very afraid that David Productions wouldn’t be able to match the energy of Studio Bones’ adaptation of Ohkubo’s previous work, Soul Eater, but I was happy to be proven wrong. Even if the last few episodes contained a bit too much infodumping, it was all sandwiched between jaw-dropping fight scenes that proved that the people who make Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure can still handle the reins of a more traditional action show.

Fruits Basket 1st Season (8/10)

I know that my score for this one is a bit lower than others, but I think that Fruits Basket did pretty well in its first season, considering that it was largely spent setting up future storylines and adapting the part of the manga we’d all seen before, but with much higher production value. I’ve been familiar with this part of the story for over a decade, and the scene with Tohru and Kyo (you know the one) still made me cry. Now, we get the real plot going.

Dr Stone (9/10)

A great start to a totally new spin on shounen, Dr Stone gives me hope for survival in the post-Shokugeki world in which we’ll soon live, as a show that wears its research on its sleeve. A complex plot weaving interesting characters in and out of a narrative surrounding a philosophical battle where both sides actually do have fair points (even if one of them is going about it in a pretty cruel manner). More please.

Vinland Saga (9/10)

Once again, a great start to what will hopefully be years of quality storytelling, Vinland Saga made it seem like it was dragging in the middle only to reveal just what its slow burn had been leading up to, with twist-heavy storytelling and a fantastic cast to match the high visual quality of its brutal battles.

Run With the Wind (9/10)

It’s not often that Production I.G. gets to make a complete, fully-realized show anymore, and this one was a glorious reminder of the potential of the studio in the TV space, and a great rebound for the director of Joker Game. It’s gorgeous to look at, the cast is wonderful, and the story is both realistic and idealistic in a satisfying balance. It’s a miserable process to get to the finish line in real life, but sitting back and watching this was nothing but a treat. At least, until a minor fumble at the end.

Best Long Show of 2019: Dororo (9/10)

Speaking of complete stories, Tezuka Productions and MAPPA teamed up for a breathtaking adaptation of an underappreciated Tezuka classic that expands upon the story in exactly the right way to create a thrilling, savage, beautiful masterpiece that focuses a laser-sharp eye into the relationship between two characters in their journey to, literally and figuratively, become complete people. Also, that opening was killer.

And that’s it! That’s the fun list. Next comes the painful one. Stay tuned for the trash heap.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

6 Extra Episodes in S10. This May Be What We’ve Been Waiting For!

Yeah, you might say I have a “few” thoughts on the extra 6 episodes, lol. I think this is fantastic. I really think this is what we’ve been looking for for 5 years.

Of course, that said, I must caveat this with the fact that this is just speculation and no one knows for certain. But man, is this exciting!

When I heard for myself Angela announce the 6 new episodes for S10, the question I kept coming back to is…why? Why would they do that? Even putting Beth aside, never in 10 seasons have they ever extended a season at all, and 6 is a lost of episodes. (I can’t help but run through every episode 6 of every season and how many Beth clues we’ve found in all of them.)

But more to the point, why make them part of season 10? Why not finish them and make them s11 so they can show how awesome TWD is and that it hardly missed a beat. You know, on to season 11!!!!! But they’re smashing them into s10. Why? That’s a REALLY big deal.

So let’s state some things we know MUST be true about these six episodes:

1. Obviously, they’re special. For some reason.

2. They MUST have been previously filmed. They haven’t filmed anything since November and with CoVid, no way they could have. And yes, you could argue that they were filming secretly, away from cameras, as we often say that about Beth. But even so, they wouldn’t have had enough time before CoVid hit to film six full episodes. So these must have been filmed sometime before that. And then there’s those missing scenes we’ve PROVEN were filmed and never aired. Just seems like too much of a coincidence that this wouldn’t be that.

3. It must be something related to what happens in the finale. Maybe that seems obvious, but the reason I say that is because, in terms of Gimple’s we’re-working-on-seeing-what-happened-to-characters-early-in-the-apocalypse thing, I think there’s a few possibilities for what he could be talking about there. One of them, obviously, is Beth. But they’ve also long-hinted at an Abraham/Eugene early apocalypse spin off. So, it’s POSSIBLE he could be talking about that or some other storyline they have in mind for a future spin off. Now, I have more reasons for why I don’t think that’s the case, which I’ll get to in a minute, but this is what I mean about these 6 episodes needing to be tied to the finale. Putting in an Abraham—or anyone else’s flashback story line, for that matter—would make no sense here. It would be really jarring for the viewers because there’s been no hint of anything like in the show.

And of course a non TD-er would probably argue that there’s been no hint of Beth either, but we all know better, don’t we? There’s the Connie stuff (that convo between Daryl and Carol was the first on-screen mention of Daryl’s love life since…what? S3? When Carol asked him jokingly if he wanted to screw around? I mean, of course the fans were talking about it with Beth, but none of the on-screen characters were. And of course there’s the symbolism, dog stuff, Emily’s music being in it, and all other social media hints and attention she’s gotten. It just makes sense that if the last 5 minutes Nicotero keeps hinting at is her, then it would naturally follow that we’d then see her backstory.

And, I gotta say, the six episodes is perfect. This is exactly what we’ve been waiting for. We’ve all gone so back and forth about how they’d do this. We knew her backstory would take more than a single bottle episode. Or even two. And having a full 6 or 8 episodes for it deviates too much for too long from the main story and the other characters. So we always figured it might be a spin off or “special event” or something. This works perfectly for that mold, and may explain why they’re just “extending” S10.

But I’ll say more on that in a minute. Let me get back to Gimple’s comment.

Three things really stuck out to me about what he said, all of which make me think his comment was about Beth, rather than some other spinoff.

1) He made a point to say it was something that happened early in the apocalypse, not pre-apocalypse. And while that would work for an Abe/Eugene spinoff as well, it just jumped out at me that he wanted to be very clear about that.

2) He said what they’re working on that he’s referring to isn’t an entire series. That specifically suggests that a) it’s probably these 6 episodes he’s referring to, because rather than making them their own series (like TWB) they’re just mashing them into the main series. And b) what I said above about any other character spinoff: it would make way more sense and be way less jarring to have it be its own spin-off event because it just wouldn’t fit into the main series.

3) He suggested it’s what they’re actively working on right NOW. So, let me be the devil’s advocate here. That could possibly mean two things. Right now they can either do remote stuff to work on what they’ve already filmed or they can plan for stuff they’ll be filming when they get the okay to do so.

Let’s say I’m wrong and what Gimple said refers to some other spin off. Well, you could actually argue it either way. Maybe (again, we’ll use the Abe/Eugene thing as a placeholder, though it could feasibly be anything) they already filmed another spin off, secretly, and it’s just that no one knows about it. They could, technically, have done that at any time since MC left in S6, right? So Gimple could be working on that. Or, if they haven’t done any other filming, he could just be planning for the next thing beyond S11, right?

But that just doesn’t seem particularly realistic to me. Given that they’re trying to get stuff out for the fans, and the way CoVid has thrown a wrench in everything, I think all other projects would be backburned and they’d just be pushing as hard as possible to get the rest of S10 and S11 out to us. That’s what they have to be working on now to fill the gap of CoVid and make sure the fans don’t riot. That’s pretty much what Angela said and Gimple, Nicotero and others all agreed.

So of course, it’s not proof or anything, but it just seems obvious to me that what Gimple meant is what’s in these 6 episodes and nothing except it being about Beth makes sense. Nothing else would fit into the story at all right now.

Okay, I’m going to give a few thoughts about the suspicious pushing back of the finale and then I’ll stop.

In many ways, them pushing back the finale makes MORE sense to me in light of these new episodes than it did before. You both know I’ve always thought it was hokey because, after getting the filming done, everything else, by definition is done by computer and therefore can be done remotely.

So here’s what I think happened. Remember that even after CoVid hit, they still got several episodes aired, and didn’t tell us until—I don’t remember exactly when; episode 14 maybe?—that they wouldn’t be airing the finale because it wasn’t finished. I still think that was a lie. I think it wasn’t so much that they didn’t get the finale finished, but that they looked at what was happening (CoVid) and understood that everything would be shut down for an extended period of time and there would be a gap. That they wouldn’t get S11 filmed until the new year. But overall, S11 isn’t even really the point. Like I said, hearing about these 6 episodes has brought me some clarity.

So this may explain both why they held back the finale and why they’re mashing these episodes into S10, rather than making them their own thing. Now, maybe they were always going to do that. I obviously couldn’t speak to it either way. But I think the time frame is the thing here. Understand, I’m operating under the assumption that these 6 episodes will be Beth’s backstory, the missing 17 days, the white church, all of it. So, assuming that’s true…

If they always knew they were going to air these episodes soon after 10x16, they probably want them aired very close to (soon after) the reveal of Beth being alive. Think of it this way. When her being alive is revealed, there will a collective, fandom gasp. And then tptb will hype everyone watching the next episodes so we can find out how and why this is the case. But if they’d aired the finale back in February, it would have been 9 months before got those answers, and they would have lost the hype of the initial shock. Not to mention, while obviously the break would have built up plenty of hype for Daryl and Beth, it also would have allowed the haters to rail for months and months about how unrealistic this is, which might have infected others in the fandom in a negative way. I think Gimple and Kang are smart. They know their fandom very well, and are doing everything they can to guard against that sort of thing.

So, I think it’s possible that they were going to present these six episodes in a different way originally, like a spin off or special event (maybe, maybe not; I could see it either way) but they decided to make it an extended part of season 10, specifically because we won’t have s11 for a while and they want to push people through these episodes as quickly as possible after the finale.

I also think it’s terribly interesting from a psychological standpoint that they plan to start airing these things in October. Exactly when we SHOULD have gotten S11. Like I said, the writers are just smart that way. All we’ll actually be missing time-wise this year is the finale. And yes, other things like Fear and TWB were suppose to air in the interim. But in terms of the main series, which blows all the others out of the water viewership-wise, we’ll be sticking to the same schedule of getting more TWD in October, exactly when we should. I’m sure that’s purposeful. And by the time they air everything they’ve already filmed (S10, Fear, TWB), they’ll probably be ready to start airing S11 by then. Hopefully.

Okay, sorry. I said I’d stop, but two more minor things I want to mention. When Nicotero mentioned the last 5 minutes thing again, he said it would take everyone in a “whole new direction.” That gave me a lot of hope. Yes, I know hyperbole and exaggeration are still a thing, but I think we get it less from Nicotero than from Gimple, and I just don’t feel like he’d call it a “whole new direction” if he was just referring to Father Gabriel’s death or something. So once again, I think that “whole new direction” will be something completely unlooked for that will push us into those 6 episodes. That gave me some hope.

And finally, on the topic of FG’s death, I really think that could be a thing. Did you notice Angela’s giggle? I think it was right at the end when they were asking her what to expect from the finale and she just did a rundown of how all the characters were doing important things in important places (Negan has some exciting scenes, Carol has a redemption arc, Daryl’s leadership is important, etc.). And when she mentioned FG, she did this weird smile/giggle thing. She didn’t do that mentioning any of the other characters. It was like she got nervous and was trying to cover something. Just a little too shifty-eyed and giggly for me. So I kinda think we might be right about him dying in the finale.

But of course that remains to be seen. Thoughts?

[hillblah]

Podcast Recommendations:

I just spent nearly 2 hours writing these for a work Teams thread #justpandemicthings. So uh, here you go. If you’re following this blog (why tho?) you might like my vibe, so you might like some of these! Finding categories is hard, so I've mostly lumped podcasts together in small groups by loose connections, or vibes. This is also how I sort my bookshelf after admitting defeat on having a perfectly coherent system. Past me would have been horrified, but I think that's what growth looks like. Some descriptions are all mine, some are copied from the creators. Feel free to read into which ones I copied and which I wrote myself as much as you want.

Fiction:

36 Questions A 3 part musical podcast about a couple on the brink of divorce. The title references the "36 Questions to Fall in Love" (/build intimacy) that can be found here: https://bigthink.com/ideafeed/how-to-fall-in-love-36-questions-and-deep-eye-contact

Alice Isn't Dead Audio diaries of a long road trucker searching for her wife who she thought had died, but Alice Isn't Dead. Really cool sound design and writing from the team behind Welcome to Nightvale. Slight absurdist/ more than slight horror vibes. There's 3 seasons in total that tell a meandering overall story roadtrip. Best listened to while parked in an empty carpark on the edge of town with rain running down the windshield and creating flickering shadows from the streetlights. It took me a few attempts to listen right through the first episode, but I eventually fell in love with the sound/feel/vibe of the podcast. Teaser is here: http://www.nightvalepresents.com/aliceisntdead

The Magnus Archives A horror fiction podcast examining what lurks in the archives of the Magnus Institute, an organisation dedicated to researching the esoteric and the weird. Each episode is presented in the form of a witness statement being read by the newly appointed Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute - London. Over time the stand-alone statements start to form connections, and then an overarching plot. I don't normally enjoy horror, The Magnus Archives is absolutely the exception. Really well told stories with incredible soundscaping. Maybe don't listen right before bed...

Kiwi Podcasts about Sexuality and Gender:

Micro Wave Feminism Micro Wave Feminism is a place for open, inclusive, loving and vulnerable feminist chats. It's all about talking to real people about real sh*t and experiences of femininity and masculinity in this crazy (beautiful) world we live in. Really interesting discussions on feminism through the personal experiences of kiwis. Sporadic episodes as a non-professional labour of love, but boy does it have cozy vibes.

BANG! RNZ's BANG! explores sex, sexuality and relationships over a lifetime, from parents attempting "the talk" with their children, through the fraught teen years, modern dating, long-term relationships, contraception and conception, right up to intimacy in retirement homes. So many people talking about their experiences with all aspects of sex, sexuality, relationships and gender. My personal favourite is the Takātapuia episode from season 2: https://www.rnz.co.nz/programmes/bang/story/2018651794/bang-season-2-episode-6-takatapui

Let's Get Sexual Let’s Get Sexual is a podcast dedicated to exploring sexuality. It is part of the growing global movement to normalize conversations around sexuality, to embrace its complexity, and highlight how we all have our own sexual journeys. Similar vibes to BANG! But with a more personal approach and more time with each guest. Really interesting conversations with people from all walks of life.

Kiwi Current and Not So Current Events:

Gone by Lunchtime The Spinoff's politics podcast. A good balance of views from the 3 hosts, and the only politics podcast that has made me laugh out loud multiple times.

The Citizen's Handbook Robbie Niccol (White Man Behind a Desk/that guy that I went to school with) partners with RNZ for a video series all about the history of Aotearoa, and the things all citizens need to know about where we are now. There's also a podcast that goes with it, that's a game show? Really the video series is the more important part... But the podcast is a great listen.

Isolation:

The Habitat The true story of six volunteers picked to live on a fake planet. You know those stories that occasionally pop up about people living in isolation with each other to see what happens so we know about the problems and can prepare for space travel? Well this 7 episode podcast follows a group of 6 imitation NASA astronauts stuck with only each other for a year. Something I'm sure the rest of us will never have to experience right?

Our Plague Year Essays and listener messages about Our Plague 'Year'. Some really talented writers pouring emotions out. This was one of my favourite podcasts last year, though some of the episodes hit a little hard. My personal favourite episode (so far) is Trust Ends at the Windshield, featuring Hank Green, Meg Bashwiner, and Erin McKeown. Which talks about the the-show-must-go-on mentality, includes this gem: "We are killing people because we are bored. We are killing people because we are entrenched in a toxic, capitalist society that values money over life.", and was one of the triggers for me writing a 12 minute, spoken word, poetry adjacent, thing, last year.

Doing Stuff:

Cortex CGP Grey (educational youtuber) and Myke Hurley (host of about 50 podcasts) talk about productivity, and how they run their businesses, and education, and the Apple ecosystem, and a whole bunch of other things. Long episodes, and occasionally dated by reference to current events. Definitely not a super condensed productivity podcast, more of a personality / sitting in on a conversation vibe.

Start With This Art is hard, starting is hard, if you want to start somewhere you should start with this. The co-creators of Welcome to Nightvale talk about making things/the artistic process. Every episode ends with 2 assignments, one thing to consume, and one to create.

Building Positive Culture:

Dare To Lead Brené Brown talking with other people about Leadership. Really interesting and inspiring conversations. Top recommendation is the episode with Simon Sinek.

A Bit of Optimism Simon Sinek talking with other people about working together to make a better world. Really interesting and inspiring conversations. Top recommendation is the episode with Brené Brown.

TED Worklife Organizational psychologist Adam Grant takes you inside the minds of some of the world’s most unusual professionals to explore the science of making work not suck. From learning how to love criticism to harnessing the power of frustration, one thing’s for sure: You’ll never see your job the same way again. Pretty new on my feed, but every episode I've listened to so far has been an absolute hit!

Interesting Stories/People:

TED Radio Hour TED talks, collated into similar subjects with extra stuff pulled out interview style. Good to search through the archives to find areas you're interested in, or just pick a random episode and dive in!

99% Invisible - 10,000 Years [person from work who I’m too lazy to edit out a reference to] has already recommended the podcast, but I want to throw in my favourite episode. It's about the challenge of trying to mark nuclear waste sites in a way that will last 10,000 years (for reference 10,000 years ago stone tools were a pretty neat invention) and is absolutely fascinating. https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/ten-thousand-years/

[opaquestrategies]

2020 in review

tagged by @7rc --thank you, I love doing these kinds of things. and since i always write too much for them, the list is under the cut.

Top 5 movies I saw this year:

Emma. (last film I saw in a theater!)

Roman Holiday (hOW did it take me this long to watch this. how is roman holiday not more embedded as a fanfic au plot trope? a pure delight.) 

The Host (went through all the Bong Joon Ho movies I could find after seeing Parasite and this one was my favorite. B-movie but make it art!)

Naussica of the Valley of the Wind / The Castle of Cagliostro / Porco Rosso (As of this year, I’ve watched every Miyazaki movie! all three of the ones I caught up with are great, and I can’t bring myself to choose between them.)

The Hateful Eight (we hooked our laptop up to our stereo to watch this after Liminal Election Week and it was so cathartic to live in a world with different, more visceral problems and to see people in lockdown for a different reason)

Top 5 TV shows I watched this year:

Halt and Catch Fire (I didn’t post much about this show at all when I watched it in June because it was so good that I watched all four seasons in one weekend. Stick with it thru the first season where it’s still just “diet 80s Mad Men and Lee Pace and MacKenzie Davis are there” and you’ll get a show that’s also a stunning mediation on how people you’ve grown apart from can still be part of you even after time changes both of you several times over and what it means to be able to forgive and be forgiven. you’ll feel like you lived a lifetime after finishing this.)

The Simpsons (first nine seasons! this is what I watched over the summer when packing up the apartment I’d lived in for four years)

What We Do in the Shadows (the first season was a great time, but somewhere around the Jackie Daytona episode was when I realized I was watching a masterclass sitcom)

Derry Girls (this was the perfect stress-barricading watch for the first week of quarantine! absolutely sublime.)

Simone Giertz’s youtube channel (loved the consistent experience of being able to watch a cute, talented woman follow the inscrutable exhortations of her soul, especially when those exhortations were things like “make a coffee table out of matches and then light those matches,” “build a robot deer I can hunt with a compound bow” and “build a scissor lamp.” her whole spirit of “yeah, fuck it, I’m just gonna manifest this thing because I want to” is infectious and brought a lot of joy back into covid summer)

Top 5 Songs:

Choose literally any Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters track and insert it here

Fleetwood Mac - “Angel”

Throwing Muses - “Not Too Soon”

Adrienne Lenker - “Anything” 

Haim - “Don’t Wanna” 

Top 5 Books I Read This Year:

The first four Earthsea books by Ursula Le Guin, with special mentions to The Tombs of Atuan and Tehanu which both gave me the delightful “I am spending a week just living in this book and lapping it down as if it’s water” experience. #tenarhive. 

The Secret History by Donna Tartt. I was going to describe this novel where pretentious students form a Greek cult and then murder the weak link of the squad as “fun” which seems a little incongruous but like...it’s a taut, perfectly paced thriller and I got to understand the Greek allusions in it and there was some delicious dramatic irony in how the book’s narrated. so yeah, i did have fun with it. it’s fun.

The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin. Baldwin can write epigrammatically and that’s how I first encountered him, as a quotation. But the reason he gets quoted is because he makes sure to never simplify his ideas or reduce the world to something less complex than it really is, even when he’s also going for pith and wit. And of course, like all writers, he improves all the more with context. As a Christian, I found his critique of how the church has let itself be used as a tool of white supremacy particularly lucid and helpful.

Daisy Jones and the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid. “Fictional oral history” is such a fun and breezy conceit for a novel and I tore through this one in a day during the first week of quarantine. a lovely little pastiche of some very familiar tropes if you happen to love the archetypes and mythology of popular music and/or are a boomer. this is what is responsible for the Fleetwood Mac.

Pyrrhus and Cineas by Simone de Beauvoir. I leaned on this little essay A LOT for the honors thesis I spent this year writing and reread it three times. It’s such a clever and intriguing discussion of why we bother doing anything at all or why we should choose one goal over another when it all just ends in us dying anyway, which are themes that really hit this year. The last paragraph of the first part always gives me chills. 

Top 5 positive things that happened to me in 2020:

this was back in the part of 2020 that isn’t part of 2020, but I had one really fantastic 48 hours back in February where I helped host the speakers my job invited to a philosophy of religion conference, went to two really nice dinners, talked about so many interesting things, and then went on a impromptu outing with an art history major to see a pop art exhibit.

I participated in several different classes and reading groups, mostly organized by two of our professors, that gave me something to do over the year other than doomscroll and vegetate. I read Kafka, Nietzsche, Toni Morrison, Camus, Philip K. Dick, and Foucault for the first time over the course of these and it was a precious gift to have a built-in venue for social interaction when I was stuck in an apartment by myself.

I moved to an apartment in another city with one of my best friends to ride out quarantine together and that decision has been such a boon for my mental health in the back half of this year. finding the place was a nightmare, but it’s in a nice neighborhood that has a beautiful park and a sculpture garden in walking distance and it was wonderful to put up art and make the place our own. it was a refreshing and much needed change in a year when change was hard to come by.

I used online school to go home for thanksgiving for the first time since I moved away and then just stayed for the rest of the holidays. I usually only get three weeks down here on winter break, so it was nice to have a month and a half instead. 

I graduated from college! and one silver lining of having no idea what 2021 is going to look like is that I’m forced to take at least a semester break to heal from the burn out instead of automatically starting the application cycle for grad school (although the “oh I have no idea what I’m going to do about grad school” is dawning on me and figuring that out will be a huge part of whatever happens next year).

i feel weird tagging people to think back about this last year now that we’re safely out of it? like don’t go back into 2020, that’s where the 2020 is! but, if you want to, i’m tagging @justthatspiffy @aahsoka @theraisincouncil @cosm-i @letsoulswander and you, if you also wanna revisit this kind of stuff.

[xsecretblastsx]

1x07 - Victor, Victrola

Finally! This is one of the most iconic episodes of this show and one I’ve been dying to get to since I’ve started with these recaps, Here we go! 

This one got so long I’ve decided to post it with a keep reading brake. 

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

I love that it opens with a vintage filter, which I don’t think I’ve noticed much the first time. I do remember thinking of this little preview “Guess Chuck’s meeting someone who’ll give him a run for his money”

Also how good is that shot of the those hills climbing up the steps, or maybe is just that I love the shoes

These is one of my all time fave Blair’s school outfits, she looks so pretty, and I love the obnoxiously big red bow.

Things I should have wondered, wasn’t this something Chuck would have show Nate before her? But this scene is a quick way to show that they’re in fact really good friends

“What happens at Victrola stays at Victrola” Not really Chuck, not really

God I hate Nate’s Dad

I don’t know why but I found a bit funny how the Captain’s office has so many little nautical details, kind of oversell

“I think I saw it next to that ambiguous vague shape” hi mom!

Dan lamenting that new Yorkers don’t have cars and therefore teens can’t make out in them, yeah Dan about that…

Nate’s attempt at bribing Jenny it’s so lame it’s almost funny

Chuck casually pointing out to Lilly that she missed a button, oh Lily!

It’s almost endearing to see Chuck put so much effort with his dad and how eager and accommodating he gets when his father says yes.

I love the scenes were Serena and Blair have typical best friends conversations.

OMG I had totally forgot that Dan was reading the Kamasutra in search of inspiration, also getting this anxious and picturing all these scenarios in his head. I feel you dude.

Does that cherry stem trick is actually possible? Ugh why am I even thinking about that.  Though didn’t the show used that bit on a poster?

That dress does looks ugly in a hanger

That was a good analogy of Vanessa’s role in this show.

Lily was so nice to Chuck from the start, as early as this episode, theirs is one of my favorite parental relationship in the show

How does Vanessa knows all about Serena’s hook up history though? Didn’t she went on Gossip Girl or Dan has a big mouth? Well I guess is the same thing.

“Game recognizes Game little J” Oh Blair you have no idea, also no, the Vanderbilt is ring is not the most amazing ring you’ll ever see.

Gotta admire the show’s attention to detail, Serena and Nate may be making out on Dan’s kitchen, but they still use the same background music they used the first time we saw that scene, but relly I had forgot how much fun I laugh with all his imagined scenarios.

For once I actually feel bad for Dan, having your own father tell you to get rid of those sheets. Akward.

Aside from Nate’s dad, and maybe Eleanor everyone else at that dinner really looks like they want to be anywhere else but there.

“I tried Blair” oh please Nate, you call her once, it went to voice mall and you couldn’t bother again, but I guess it was just easier to go to the palace to talk to Serena.

I remember the first time I watched this I was like “Yes Blarir finally! You tell him!

It should have been obvious since earlier in the episode, but when she steps out of that car it was the first moment it hit me that OMG the girl at the start of the episode was Blair! It is funny how while I already knew that now, the same thought kind of hit me again.

YOU GO BABY VAMP!

‘You still would do anything to get a girl on her back though’ it would not be S1 episode without a bit of Lily and Rufus banter

“Nobody’s ever looked at me the way you just did” what a telling line. Though did Dan and Serena did it or not?

Iconic scene is iconic.  Vintage filter and all.

Gossip Girl was never the same again

What a good episode in every way. Normally I always get bored with one of the little subplots, but not on this one. Hell I actually liked Dan and Serena this week, which hadn’t happened like since 1x01, and even then it was with a grain of salt. This episode is also hilarious, I didn’t watch this when it aired so I don’t know if they hinted at Blair and Chuck in one of their promos, but I hoped they didn’t because I like the way the episode flows a lot, we spend the whole episode seeing Dan getting anxious about losing his virginity, and then out of nowhere it’s Blair the one that ends up the night no longer a virgin.

Also I did enjoy this episode so much more this time around not only because well I’m a chair fan but because there are a lot of little details, almost like Easter eggs that point out to the last scene, like Dan pointing out the tragedy of New York’s teens without car where they can make out, or when Serena tells Blair that maybe planning and thinking too much about it may ruin the moments, and then you have Blair at the end of the episode losing her virginity on Limo without planning it at all.

In the Dan and Serena front though this episode is one that gives a bit more insight on the why’s Serena can’t never really forget a about Dan. She had being treated awfully by most guys she ever came across, and Dan’s the first that actually treats her like she’s worth it and worries about her feelings, we know it’s not as perfect as she sees it, he had been pretty judgmental of her in half of the episodes so far, but she doesn’t realize it because she’s used to man objectifying her for a long time now, she doesn’t see her own value, and that’s the tragedy of Serena’s character and why she deserved so much better.

This episode is also the one in which Nate’s family issues get to a boiling point, we finally see the amount of problems Nate’s dad has and why he’s absolute trash, and things are only about to get even worse. Really this episode almost everyone in the parental front is keeping a secret or being in denial, trying to keep the status quo in their lives, in contrast most of the teens are at the verge of really taking a step into action, Nate finally does something to put a stop to his dad lies by getting him arrested, Serena is experiencing a loving relationship for the first time, Dan gets ready to leave his virgin status behind, Chuck is taking his first steps in the business goals and Blair is finally ready to accept that his relationship with Nate must end. In the end though, of course Chuck and Blair went through something else this week.

Honestly, what can I say about Chuck and Blair in this episode that hasn’t been said before. This is the start of one the most iconic couples in T.V. I mean if they were real people this was the night that changed the course of their lives forever, it’s a monumental moment for so many reasons. There’s Blair who up until now, has never contemplated a future that doesn’t includes Nate, but as each previous episode showed holding up to that future gets harder and harder, no matter what she does, he seems farther and farther away from her reach, she tries being sexy,  ruining Serena, elaborate games  and none of it goes, by the time the family dinner comes to be, she’s exhausted, she’s all prim and proper, Vanderbilt ring in her hand and she’s never looked more miserable. And so she lets go of Nate, and goes to the one place she can escape from it ill, it’s a very obvious visual image but still I love the moment the dress came off is the moment one can tell she’s finally free from it all, basking in that relief she said she felt.

So she dances, and she does it for Chuck Bass. It may have happened because of a dare but really it’s almost logical that she let’s all her uptightness on the floor in his company because if one goes back and looks to the previous six episodes she’s at her realest with him, since the first episode he doesn’t sugar coats her thoughts with him, doesn’t pretend to be nicer, makes him a part of her plots and he knows about all her issues with Nate, their friendship is a lowkey constant in the background, and this episode starts with a reminder of that fact, he takes her to Victrola because he trust her judgment above all others, his second toughest critic, only behind his dad. Their friendship is one factor about them that I feel got lost as the season go by, but it’s one of my favorite aspects about them, because that was the very first layer of their relationship.

They probably never thought about their friendship being something especial, about the fact that they shared bits of each other in a way they didn’t do with Nate and Serena, they always had chemistry and in some deep part of their brain they probably knew it all along, but it was much better to ignore it because what was the point, but is funny how as soon as Nate is out of the picture and it’s just them without inhibitions, this happens.

It’s not hard to imagine that Chuck had always thought she was “10 times hotter than pretty much anyone” This is Chuck Bass after all, and he also admired her personality, it wouldn’t surprise me if he thought that Nate was probably the worst match for a girl like Blair, and yet the way he looks at her while she’s dancing, he’s in complete awe of her, he already had her in high regards, but he had no idea that when she lets herself be free she’s the most mesmerazing thing he has seen, and oh how he wants her, it’s written all over his face when he says how amazing she was up there, and Blair who’s used to be unwanted by Nate can’t help but be drawn to it and so she kisses him, and he knows he could go for it and she most likely won’t reject him, still he asks her if she’s sure because he knows that while sex is not a big deal for him, the first time was important to her and how she only tried to rush into it until she felt she was losing, he had first row seats to all the drama that was her relationship with Nate, and so with that little question he lets her know that there’s no pressure, and also a first clear nod to how she’s different for him, he may be all for encouraging a girl to sleep with him, but not this time, and she knows it and she takes the leap, she’s doing this for her, because she wants to, not forcing it as she always had to.

  Iconic scene is iconic.  

Random bits:

I can’t remember if it was mentioned before but Chuck’s line “he was born poor; I was born loaded” is the first mention of the fact that the Basses are new money.

Without you ends up being a really accurate song for their whole relationship.: 

I don't want this moment to ever end Where everything's nothing without you I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile 'Cause it's true: I am nothing without youThrough it all, I made my mistakes I stumble and fall, but I mean these wordsI want you to know: with everything, I won't let this go These words are my heart and soul I'll hold on to this moment, you know 'Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show that I won't let go 

[spaceorphan18]

SpaceOrphan vs Glee Season 3

for @yesandmusicals who wanted to know

Yes, let’s talk about my dislike of season 3, because that’s always fun!

So, first of all, I want to say for the record, I actually don’t believe Glee was ever that well written.  I’m not one to bash RIB (though I have issues with them), but I think the novelty of the show, coupled with the great music, good performances from the cast, and some fun things within production, made this show memorable.  And, in the beginning, it had Jane Lynch delivering some dark and edgy comedy, which people were fascinated by.  

But were season 1′s plotlines all that good?  There’s a fake baby, and standard teen drama, and Will going through some kind of weird mid-life crises at 29, and most of the interesting characters were really in the background for most of season 1. 

And then season 2 happened and... I don’t think it’s that great?  You’ll have to forgive me - cause I’m a Kurt/(Blaine)/Klaine fan - and I do think Kurt’s story in the first two seasons is best this show ever is as a whole, but I think a lot of season 2 was a mess, and kind of coasted on being popular.    Season 2 became big and flashy and everyone loved it until they didn’t anymore.  The show really had a quick shelf life, and looking back, it’s kind of surprising the show made it all the way to six seasons.  

(I actually really enjoy season 4-6, so I’m glad they stuck it out.)

Anyway -- by the time season 3 came around, the burnout was real, and they brought in new writers (who I don’t think helped much) -- and the show was now trying to service so many characters that most of the (terrible) plot lines they had were stretched way too thin -- with the exception of the Finchel story line that went in circles cause they were waiting for the inevitable conclusion to happen in season 4.  

To be more concise, though, here is a list of reasons why season 3 is my least favorite:

The aforementioned big cast of characters who got episodes devoted to them instead of the long arcs that seasons 1 and 2 gave the characters.  This made the season feel disjointed and messy, and no one got a satisfactory amount of screen time.  

On top of that -- they were backed into dealing with The Glee Project, and while Unique and (arguably) Joe were decent characters, Rory was not. He felt like the most pointless character to ever waste time on.

The season is broken up into three segments (1-8; 9-14; 15-22; sectionals, regionals, and nationals) and while this structure is all fine and dandy on paper, the plot lines for the first and third segments were terrible.  (I don’t necessarily mind episodes 9-18 plus The First Time, but the beginning and the end of this season just kinda sucked.)

In the first third -- we have possibly the worst story lines of the series.  I don’t think Santana’s coming out was done very well.  No one cared about Sue and Beiste in a love triangle.  The student elections just were weird.  And then there was Shelby and Puck -- and I can’t say how much I HATE that story line, because it leads to some of the worst moments the show has.  People often don’t even think about Puck that much, so this isn’t talked about very often -- but even beyond the grossness of a teacher/student relationship, how Puck treats her is truly one of the most disgusting displays of a relationship on this show.

There was the issue that they literally did not know what to do with Quinn so they made her crazy, and then hit her with a truck.  I’m not even a Quinn fan but, good god.  

The last third was marred by the fact that Rachel Berry was given everything on a silver platter and I wasn’t here for the -- give Rachel everything show.  I don’t hate Rachel, she was a great character in season 1.  She’s a great character later on in the series.  But the writing around her character, especially at the expense of many other characters, became grating -- especially in episodes like Promasaurus and Props.

One of the by products of season 2 was that Hummelberry became a thing, and instead of understanding that Kurt worked just fine as his own character, they now had to tie Kurt in with Rachel, their stories became paralleled, her issues became his issues, and he became her emotional prop of a sidekick.  

Which also made Finchel and Klaine stories become paralleled a lot (glee loves parallels, and it used to parallel Wemma with Finchel - which makes more sense, tbh.) 

Because Kurt was relegated to sidekick for Rachel, Blaine ended up being relegated jukebox singer, with little to no development outside his one episode and the rare Klaine story line.  

I think they mishandled some of the bigger social commentary stories.  The Kurt/Bullying storyline resonated with a lot of people, so suddenly Glee felt the need to go address all the issues facing (young?) people and it ended up doing a 180 from its darker roots.  And thus we get an awkward Santana coming out story that focuses more on Finn; Karofsky’s suicide attempt in a tonally disjointed episode, and Beiste’s spousal abuse story line - which is... what?  

Also, let’s not forget that Sue being pregnant for half the season is indeed a story line.  

The competitions I think were pretty bland, since it was already telegraphed that they were going to win Nationals because they lost the year before -- and half the cast is graduating.  The show outgrew it’s original premise of underdogs trying to win a competition, and while the writers clearly needed these posts for their structure, the character arcs were far more interesting than the weak aspect of competition. 

And then, of course, the whole issue with the Tongue Tied scene during Nationals, which yes does annoy me about the lack of Klaine kiss (the fact that the writers didn’t even think that Kurt and Blaine should celebrate together tells me that it’s more than just censorship) but more so the fact that Emma gives her virginity away as trophy for Will that disgusts me more. 

As for the censorship thing, while I think there might have been some, I think it’s more so that the writers couldn’t focus on any one character for any length of time, and Klaine in the background was not Tike in the background.  And in comparison, when Finchel is getting all the foreground, fighting for scraps made it difficult to watch everything else.  Not helping is the fact that Darren was doing movies and musicals, and wasn’t around for a bit that also added to lack of screen time.  

Oh, and Finchel had an argument over chairs.  I don’t actually hate the scene, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it.  

Did I forget anything? 

And I know, I know - damn, S.O. that’s a lot.  Believe it or not, there are some good things (COOPER!) about season 3, I don’t hate it to the point where I can’t watch it or anything, and all the rest of the seasons have a ton of flaws as well, but unlike every other season, the high points don’t outweigh the “meh”-ness that this season unfortunately suffers from, hence me liking it the least. 

...and now you know the rest of the story.  

[thegirlwholied]

SW anon - So I have tried to watch the whole thing before but I could never really get past the start. I watched ep IV a few years back (and in 2018 I watched it while it playing with a live orchestra which really enhanced the experience) and ofc I’ve known most of what happens bc my mom and brother have been fans of it (and ofc all the references to it in shows and it being everywhere) but the thing about the original trilogy that I found difficult to watch was very much the acting being off

Gov SW anon continued - but I think I’m gonna watch the clone wars show next as I feel like the general universe and people speak to me more than the skywalker and co. story speaks to me. But I’ll probably try and get back to the prequels afterwards (at least just to have seen them) but also bc I’ve been on tumblr for so long and I’ve encountered so much about the new movies with Finn, Poe and rey (I already know I don’t like kylo) that I’m interested to see what comes before that

Seeing Ep IV with a live orchestra sounds fantastic as the music is incredible. <3

I must admit I haven’t gotten properly into the Clone Wars show! I’ve tried, & did jump in to (and enjoy) the finale ~ and certain Mandalorian episodes strongly remind me of the show’s tone ~ but it has yet to hit me right in the place where I care. What I appreciate about it & what it’s brought into the Star Wars universe is still on a more distant level, not visceral. 

I most love that The Mandalorian is truly exploring & taking advantage of the wider Star Wars universe beyond Skywalker & co. (but boy do I also love Skywalker & co.) There is an exciting amount of potential in the newly-announced projects too I love characters outside of a universe’s main chosen-one story. In 6th grade, I was obsessed with the X-Wing book series, which were definitely really marketed toward adult guys but whoops, I had found the deep Star Wars section of the library! And the first line of that series, introducing the main character, is “You’re good, but you’re no Luke Skywalker.” And in a way, that’s the Mandalorian too, to the audience if not himself ~ good, but no Luke Skywalker. Not a Jedi, not meant to bring balance to the Force, a sidestory in the main universe’s struggle.  I (from what I’ve seen/know of) get the impression that’s how Ahsoka sees herself ~ ‘you’re good, but you’re no Anakin Skywalker’. 

Of course, for that contrast to work, first you need a Luke Skywalker.

it’s interesting you mention OT acting feeling off as I would use that exact word to describe how I feel about the acting in some episodes of The Mandalorian. In some I love it! Other times... I hesitate to say ‘like a video game’ as I mean no insult to the well-developed video game characters out there but yeah, it hits me like the actor’s aware they’re essentially in a live-action video game cut scene.

But. I truly love the acting in the original trilogy! ...but also as I type this I’m watching a movie from 1944 and acting style certainly varies by decade, & mileage varies as to personal taste... but also I will never be objective about Star Wars which I have loved since I was six... but also I studied film history in college and firmly believe Star Wars, the original trilogy is just objectively good if not quite everybody’s cup of tea (...okay maybe Return of the Jedi is not quite as objectively good, but I still love it so much and given the work it had to do wrapping up the original trilogy, hey, it did its job successfully and with Ewoks). 

I love the twinkling, wry humor & also gravitas of Alec Guinness. There’s that sense of amusement as he talks to Han, as he waves off the storm troopers, and even in the “let go, Luke”... but always the right weight in the right moments imho

Luke & Han particularly can both be petulant in different ways, & they’re all quippy & brash & even cavalier at times in what in context ~ especially when you rewatch A New Hope right after Rogue One ~ in Very Serious Situations! and I love them for it. 

Carrie Fisher’s accent does shift in the one scene (which I have never minded and definitely went around as a kid trying to say ‘Governor Tarkin’ exactly the way she does), and young Mark Hamill’s Luke can be Dramatic & the Most Petulant but understandably (& prettily) so, and... yeah I probably could muster a criticism for Harrison Ford but also I *can’t*! There are some ridiculous Han Solo moments in Return of the Jedi especially, but also I love him/them/just about every choice these movies made. They just hit on magic.

The magic’s there for me from the music swelling as Luke looks yearningly into the twin suns (the cinematography!), but where it really hits is the up-and-running chemistry between all three of the main actors starting the “Luke, we’re gonna have company” scene, and then, boom, it’s the garbage chute, it’s the you’re-braver-than-I-thought/he-certainly-has-courage, for-luck, here-they-come of it all and the movie is flying. 

...and I will never forgive the sequels for, avoiding spoilers as it sounds like you’re familiar but haven’t seen them, not giving us any true interaction scenes between Rey & Finn & Poe all together until the 3rd movie. While I still so appreciated finally getting that & what we got, for me it was just not just too little but too late. I love the casting & acting for all 3 of those characters, but while fandom’s taken and run with the combination, and they had plenty of chemistry... it should have been up-and-running so much sooner. 

And the prequels just... well, even seeing them in theaters at a susceptible age, the Lord of the Rings movies were coming out at the same time and that did them no favors in comparison. As someone who judges movies above all on dialogue, that... also did them no favors. (Beyond the OT I may have a Nontraditional ranking of Star Wars movies). 

The short version of my prequels & sequels take is that both missed that cinematic magic for me, outside of certain scenes, though I still enjoy them as part of The Whole Thing That Is Star Wars Which I Love. Rogue One had that magic; I know and see the criticism of the early editing & introduction-of-Jyn’s-background-and-Krennic-and-Galen scene, but, to me, that movie is perfect. Solo was solid - maybe not magic, but reliably enjoyable, and I’ve been meaning to rewatch. The prequels & sequels... the lows are very low and the highs are very high, in terms of how they hit me. 

I feel like I’d probably sum them up as Prequels: Good Star Wars, Bad Movies, and Sequels: Good Movies, Bad Star Wars, which may seem a little harsh or too kind on one side or another but gets at my take at the worldbuilding vs. just the cinema of it all. The bread scene in Force Awakens, the salt planet in Last Jedi, the dyad-duel-in-dual-locations in Rise of Skywalker? Gorgeous. Individual scenes’ acting & dialogue is sound for me. And yet. All three sequels’ choices in respect to the entire Star Wars universe and existing characters AND its new characters? ...Tonally inconsistent with each other *and* ultimately with the themes of the OT. Whereas the prequels did so much worldbuilding, and its politics, and I’ll see gifs and think ‘yes actually, is it better than I remember?’... and then I’ll catch one on TV & it’s the Padme & Anakin romance or even Anakin & Obi-Wan’s buddy scene dialogue at the beginning of Rise of Skywalker and the answer will come, clearly: “noooooooooooooooo.”

(...this got long. Which I tend to do when I care, about fiction in any form, and with the prequels/sequels: the ingredients were there to be magic. And just-misses are more frustrating than swing-and-misses. A la, you won’t find me complaining about the Star Wars Holiday Special!) 

(...OK so I haven’t seen all of the Star Wars Holiday Special, and I’m sort of aiming to watch it through this holiday season, since what other year than 2020 seems more appropriate? So I won’t promise not to complain about the Holiday Special but I mostly expect to laugh at it.)

(That said I found the Lego Star Wars Holiday Special an absolute, surprising, laugh-out-loud delight; 9/10 would recommend & yes, 1 point deduction as I will nitpick character consistency even when they are Legos.)