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livsoulsecrets · 3 months ago

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Tessa&Kit Fic - You were an angel in the shape of my mom

Written for @fandombingo Martian Bingo prompt: “The longer we wait, the worse it’s going to get.”

Fandom: The Shadowhunters Chronicles.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences.

Summary: In the day of Rosemary’s death anniversary, Tessa and Kit talk about loss, guilt and survival.

“I must be the worst son in the world,” he whispered. “Rosemary’s lucky she never had to deal with me.”

Tessa winced as if she had been slapped. The down tilt of her lips was such an unnatural sight he had to double check before he truly believed her distaste was being directed at him.

“Don’t you ever say that again.” Tessa told him.

Read on AO3.

The sun had already begun to set when Kit heard Tessa stepping into the porch of their backyard.

He spent most of the afternoon tucked into the recliner Jem bought as a gift for Tessa, lost in thought.

He had good memories of countless afternoons spent chasing Mina around the green expanse of their garden as Tessa settled in to watch them, a book in hand.

He also found it was as good a place as any for sulking.

His mom settled into the less comfortable wood chair by his side and turned her body to face him. He very deliberately avoided her gaze.

She seemed determined not to push him, if her quietness and smooth movements were any indicators. It reminded him of his first weeks living there.

Tessa and Jem had been painstakingly careful around him, mindful of their words and postures, easygoing and kind, trying their hardest not to scare him away. It made Kit feel like a ticking bomb about to go off half the time. The other half, it made him feel oddly wanted.

Kit wished she would just tell him what to do, only this once. He was good at following a parent’s orders, most of the time. He tended to Johnny Rook’s every whim for years, after all.

But Tessa wouldn’t. She always had good advice to offer and time to hear him out, should he ask for it, but no orders to be followed blindly ever came out of her lips.

If only Kit didn’t hate the idea of asking for help so badly, he would appreciate her patience some more.

“I’m fine,” he said, breaking the silence once it became clear Tessa wouldn’t.

“That’s good to hear,” she replied, unconvinced.

He tapped his feet against the floor impatiently. “It‘s just a bad day. Nothing to worry about.”

Tessa hummed noncommittally and nodded. “I see.”

Kit huffed an annoyed breath and immediately regretted it when his mom’s eyebrows knitted together in a pained expression.

He hated to be the one causing her so much distress. Still, the attentive way her eyes tracked his every movement made his skin crawl.

It reminded him of nights spent sneaking his way through the Shadow Market, his father’s eyes seemingly everywhere and nowhere all at once, watching and waiting for his next mistake.

Tessa wasn’t looking for a reason to punish him, but he feared that his skin would always crawl at the feeling of being watched closely, regardless of whose eyes were laid on him.

“Do you need some time alone? I can leave,” she offered, even though the idea clearly displeased her.

Why couldn’t he stop screwing everything up?

He already had two dead parents and a whole lineage of tragedy to account for. Did he really need to make life harder for Tessa, too?

“No, that’s not it,” he hurried to say, pulling his legs up to tuck his knees under his chin.

Tessa went very still, intelligent gray eyes narrowed. Her silence spelled out the questions she wouldn’t ask out loud.

“What’s it, then?” He could almost make out in the curious glint of her eyes.

“Tell me,” The tense line of her jaw nearly let out.

“Let me help,” Her hands said as they drew patterns over her sweater.

“I think I liked it better when I didn’t know anything about Rosemary,” he muttered finally, rocking the chair back and forth.

Tessa hummed. If the statement surprised her, she didn’t show it at all.

“Now that I do know some things, as small as they are, it hurts more. I thought it would make everything better if I knew what she was like or why she left.”

Kit played with a loose strand of fabric on his shorts, pulling on it with more force than needed as he spoke.

“It doesn’t really help,” he confessed. “Now I know the exact day she died—and what for? So I can have one day every year for the rest of my life to feel miserable?”

He gestured broadly to himself, still avoiding his mom’s sharp gaze.

When it became clear he had nothing else to say, Tessa gently reached for his hand, stilling his attack on the worn-out fabric of his clothes. “I can understand why days like today can weigh you down. I’m afraid there’s not much to be done about that.”

Kit tensed immediately, realizing how pathetic it was for him to whine about Rosemary’s death anniversary in front of Tessa, of all people.

She had experienced more grief than almost anyone else he knew, except for Jem. They had lost everything but each other. The weight of so much loss became so heavy some days that Kit could almost touch it in the air of their home, tucked away in the corners of the house and hidden behind the echoing sound of Mina’s giggles.

Tessa sensed his regret and rushed to reassure him, “I’m not saying this because I want us to compare our losses. It’s a pointless game to play, believe me.”

She laid a hand on his knee, stopping his shaking leg. Kit hadn’t even realized it was moving that much.

“What I can tell you is that we honor those we lost by living.”

It was a beautiful sentiment, he could admit, but it felt too out of reach for himself.

“I didn’t lose her,” he mumbled in response. Tessa startled, titling her head in clear confusion. “I never had her in the first place.”

Tessa said nothing, just waited as he worked through the lump in his throat.

“Sometimes I feel so angry at her for leaving me behind,” he confessed. “For dying before I had a chance to really know her.”

He laughed a hollowed sound, devoid of any joy. Tessa’s eyebrows scrunched together in a painful twist of her serene expression.

“Isn’t that ridiculous?” He huffed. “Rosemary gave everything up to protect me. She died for me, and I’m still angry because… Because I didn’t have anyone to draw a Mother’s Day card for? Because she didn’t tuck me into bed and read me a story every night?”

To his horror, his breathing grew heavier alongside the tears dropping from his cheeks. He forcefully rubbed at his face to dry them.

“I must be the worst son in the world,” he whispered. “Rosemary’s lucky she never had to deal with me.”

Tessa winced as if she had been slapped. The downtilt of her lips was such an unnatural sight he had to take a double check before he truly believed her distaste was being directed at him.

“Don’t you ever say that again.” Tessa told him.

She had never spoken to him like that before—so hurt and fierce, like someone had reached inside her chest and broken her heart in two.

“Kit,” she whispered, propping his face up with two of her fingers against his chin. “Don’t you ever repeat that, do you understand? Never again.”

He nodded, still taken aback by her reaction. Then, Tessa softly ran her fingers through his hair, soothing him gently.

“It’s not stupid to feel angry at our parents for the choices they made that impacted our lives,” Tessa said, her own eyes watery. “I didn’t have a chance to know Rosemary, but I’m sure she wouldn’t blame you for what you feel now or for how you felt growing up.”

Had anyone ever held him the way Tessa did now? Had any other person in the world looked at him with so much sorrow in their eyes and managed not to make him squirm under their gaze?

“Being left behind leaves a scar. It doesn’t matter what the reasons were. As noble as they may be, they still hurt. It doesn’t make you a bad son to still carry this hurt with you. You must feel it. In fact, the longer you wait to feel it, the worse it gets.”

He shook his head in denial, the feel of Tessa’s hand against his nape like hot iron for a moment as Kit felt the familiar grief taking over.

“I was just a baby when she left. I can’t miss someone I didn’t know,” he countered.

Tessa smiled sadly, larger and older than life. “Oh, dear, I wish that was true.”

Kit suddenly felt very small and young, as Tessa’s voice became sadder and more ominous.

“Our hearts and bodies carry pain far past what our minds can see. All it takes is one moment for it to be brought forward. Yes, you were too young to remember what it was like to have Rosemary as a mother. It doesn’t change the fact you lost her. It doesn’t mean you can’t mourn what could have been.”

Kit wasn’t sure he believed in that completely. His father had taught him that it was stupid to dwell on the past, especially if it involved his mother.

Tessa was a far smarter and kinder person than Johnny, but Kit had learned that such deeply ingrained lessons were hard to unlearn.

“Any mother would be lucky to have you as a son, Kit,” Tessa said, holding his face delicately, her thumb caressing the slope of his cheek. “I know I am.”

Kit looked at his mom—really, properly looked at her. Her face, preserved by time. Her gray eyes, kinder than he deserved them to be. Her smile, small and sincere and heavy with loss.

He loved her so much more than his heart could bear. He loved her and trusted her and couldn’t imagine a world where she didn’t love him too.

Kit wasn’t used to believing he had earned his place in anyone’s life, but Tessa made it feel so easy—like he didn’t need to earn anything in the first place.

“Do you mean that?” He asked, sounding like a scared boy searching for dry land in a revolting sea.

And Tessa threw him a lifeline as easily as she had undone each of his defenses. “I do. Of course I do.”

She laid a kiss on his temple. His eyes closed, and he instinctively leaned into the touch.

Kit felt far younger than he truly was as Tessa held him and pressed kisses to his forehead. He was certain, then, that the steadfastness of her love would never cease to amaze him.

When Tessa pulled back to look into his eyes again, he ruffled his hair before saying, “I’ll never try to replace her, Kit. She’s your mother too and will always be. You don’t need to be scared of talking about her.”

He nodded. His throat felt too tight for him to try and say anything at all.

“But since the day I laid my eyes on you, I’ve loved you. I knew that feeling, deep in my gut. I had felt it three times before, and I felt it again when I met you.”

His treacherous, already swollen, eyes watered once more against his will. Tessa’s gray ones mirrored his, if kinder and wiser.

“My sweet, brave boy,” she whispered, pulling him to her chest again. “I love you. So much more than you know.”

Kit laced his arms around her, slotting his face in the crook of Tessa’s neck.

For once, he didn’t doubt her.

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ambazaar · 1 year ago

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The Bitter Taste of Hibiscus 🌺: Part 2

Shanks x oc

Synopsis: Tessa, due to a complicated past, has an opinion about pirates. An opinion that's become a bit muddled since he came to the village for the first time. It's all inconvenient, really. Falling in love.

Warnings: Swearing, Alcohol Use, Facial-Related Injuries, Fluff (may be subject to change)

A/N: I've barely read or seen ANY of the manga or anime so pls don't murder me about inaccuracies. I'm in love with OPLA Shanks and needed to get my frustrations out in writing. So have a fun, angsty short story filled with fluffy goodness. Will be updating as I can.

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Shortly after the Red Force settled into port, Tessa left Makino to tend to her business with the pirates. She wouldn't be caught in the middle, not with her heart racing as fast as it was and sleep coating her eyelids so heavily. She thought to look for her street urchin, but realized halfway to his nook beneath the docks that he most likely would have snuck aboard the ship by now. He'd have bolted to see Shanks the moment he woke, having been counting the days until his return, of that Tessa had no doubt. The young woman sighed, unsure of what to do.

Makino's voice rang in the back of Tessa's mind, warning her of regrets once more. But it was too early in the day to think of regrets. So, she turned back toward town, careful to avoid the main docks, and began the long trek from the beach to the cottage on the outskirts of the village.

It was a small thing, Tessa's cottage, with a charming and rustic allure. The vibrant blue of the wooden planks that adorned its exterior had long faded from the coastal sun. The once bright yellow door, now tinged with a soft gray hue, hadn't welcomed visitors aside from Makino or Luffy in years. Inside, its worn walls were decorated with flattened bouquets of flowers that Tessa had picked during her hikes through the hills and paintings by her mother that were older than she was. She hung seashells with discarded fishing wire in an intricate path connecting the only two windows, which cascaded together in blissful chimes whenever a soft breeze caught the milky, lace curtains.

A large, peculiar-shaped piece of driftwood sat above the hearth, a gift from Luffy just one year prior. Not long after the Red Hair Pirates came and left Windmill Village for the first time, he'd found the driftwood on the beach and attempted to shape it to look more like the dragon figurehead of Shanks' ship. Tessa couldn't perceive the resemblance, but she never had the heart to tell him. So, above the hearth it stayed.

Inside the cottage was cold, as she had no need to light a fire last night, having spent the entire evening at Party's with Makino. Tessa reached for the dingy, red shawl hanging beside the hearth, wrapping it around her shoulders, and went to work on starting a small fire. Moments later, she swung a kettle over the open flames and nestled into the large quilt she'd spent most of the spring working on, which draped over an old wicker chair in the corner of the open room. The salty air of the sea drifted through the windows with the cool breeze, mingling with a scent almost like cranberries as Tessa poured the boiling water from the kettle through loose hibiscus petals. It was a tart drink, but one that served better to wake her than most things. She let it rest for a moment and sat back in the chair, turning her head toward the window.

Her gaze immediately fell to the pirate ship.

Despite the feelings Tessa held for their captain, she still remained uncertain of the Red Hair Pirates. She rarely spoke to any of them, usually just in passing and never for very long, despite the fact that they'd been coming and going from Windmill Village for over a year now. They'd established a mutually beneficial relationship with the islanders over that time, so much so that greeting the pirates at port became almost a tradition for some of the villagers. But not for Tessa. It was not completely lost on her that a band of respectful sailors was possible. But a band of respectable pirates? She'd never heard of such a thing.

The first time she found herself face to face with one of them, she'd been on her way to Party's to help Makino when she collided right into Benn Beckman, the first mate. He laughed it off and advised that she should watch her step. She couldn't recall what came over her that day, but his audacity sparked a fire in her chest.

"Well excuse me, sir!" She said, her voice already loud enough for everyone near to turn their heads. "I've never been made to 'watch my step' before you lot came, bounding about like you own the place. And usually when you knock into a lady, you apologize, not laugh in her face!"

The pirate laughed again, louder and much heartier than before. The pale of her face flushed pink, the anger coursing through her overshadowing any fear that might occur from the consequences of her outburst. But to Tessa's astonishment, he simply bowed, placing a large hand over his heart, and asked for her forgiveness. She didn't know what to say or do. When he met her gaze again, a genuine smile crossed his features and she stood there, completely bewildered.

That's when she heard him for the first time, calling the first mate from beneath the canopy of Party's. "You starting trouble with the locals already, Benn?" He asked.

"No more than usual, Cap'n." As Benn passed her on the dock, Tessa's eyes rose to the man that he'd referred to as 'captain'.

He was certainly tall, much taller than Makino who stood just beside him, with vibrant red hair and a grayish cape draped across his shoulders, and on his head sat a peculiar straw hat. Peculiar because it adorned the head of a pirate captain: the most fearsome sort of man one could come across. This man, with his straw hat and charming features, didn't look dangerous. In fact, as he watched her enter the bar, she found her gaze fixated on him, not in fear but in curiosity. Specifically his eyes. Dark as pools of ink under the shade of his hat, Tessa wondered in that moment the kind of stories they held within. But, as she arrived at Makino's side, she lastly took note of the three long scars that decorated the left side of his face and steeled herself at the last second, despite the man's warm smile.

"Apologies for my first mate, miss," he said to her. "A life on the seas sometimes causes a man to forget his manners."

Something inside Tessa tensed. Makino sensed it, immediately turning to look at her friend, and saw the hard expression on her face. "I'm sure manners isn't the only thing," Tessa retorted.

Though puzzled, Shanks chuckled and smiled wider in response. Heat rose immediately through Tessa's face, which irritated her more. She finally met Makino's worried stare and said, her words heavily soaked in resentment, "Since when do we do business with pirates?" She surveyed Shanks up and down, taking in the intrigued look on his face, and practically sprinted across to the other dining hut.

Tessa looked back on that memory and cringed. She'd been so angry with Makino for helping them that day. She couldn't believe that in only a year her opinions on pirates would become so muddled. All because of Shanks and his crew. It was hard to believe there were others like them, at least for Tessa. Her own experiences with pirates had left a bitterness in her heart that cast a dark prejudice on them. So, in the beginning, she'd hated Shanks. She hated that Luffy admired him so much. She hated that the village placed their trust in him so quickly. But most of all she hated that, despite all her animosity and resentment, she'd still fallen in love with him.

She'd known it only a few months later when the pirates had returned from another trek across the seas and their captain called cheers for both her and Makino after they'd spent a whole afternoon making sure his crew was fed. She'd known it when she watched him help a young girl collect her basket of apples that had fallen to the ground, her tears shifting to laughter as he gave her words of assurance. She'd known it when he'd placed his hand over hers that night at Party's, though she hadn't been able to even look at him since. For all he knew, Tessa still hated him. But for the first time in a year, she no longer felt content keeping it that way.

There was a sudden rapping at the door, which jolted Tessa from a sleep she hadn't known she had fallen into. Luffy was standing in front of her before she could wipe the haze from her eyes. "TESSA," the boy shouted, despite the fact she was already quite awake.

"Yes, Luffy. What can I do for-"

The woman's voice caught in her throat as she finally looked upon the boy's face. Her hand instinctively flew to his cheek, her thumb hovering anxiously over the tender stitches just below his right eye. "What on Earth happened?"

"Tessa, you're not going to believe this! Look!" Luffy bounced away from her touch and stood just in front of the fireplace, the flames mere embers now; how long had she been asleep? Her eyes wouldn't leave the fresh wound on his face.

"Luffy, please. Tell me what happened!" She urged him, but alas the boy ignored her.

He raised his arm high above his head, and with a triumphant yell, swiftly thrust it forward. Tessa's breath was forcefully expelled from her lungs, leaving her feeling dizzy, as she observed the boy's arm unnaturally extending across the room, knocking her front door wide open and causing it to dislodge from the top hinge. Luffy instantly recoiled, overwhelmed by immediate regret, and looked to Tessa with sheepish guilt. "I can fix that," He said, lunging forward.

Tessa's eyes were transfixed on the boy. She observed as Luffy attempted to hoist the door back into place, but found it unable to stay by itself, and had no choice but to let it fall once again. This time, the weight proved too much for the weakened second hinge, causing the door to collapse to the ground. Overwhelmed by an immense sense of remorse, Luffy avoided Tessa's wide-eyed expression at all costs. Fortunately for him, he wouldn't have to explain.

She'd heard many stories about Devil Fruits throughout her life and the unnatural gifts they offered, but also the curse they bestowed upon whoever consumed one. A multitude of emotions swirled within Tessa's mind, yet one sensation eclipsed them all—an abrupt and profound anger that surged from the depths of her stomach, fixating on a certain captain with vibrant red hair.

I'm going to bloody kill him.

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Part 3

#opla #one piece live action #one piece #one piece netflix #opla shanks #opla luffy #live action shanks #live action luffy #monkey d. luffy #red haired shanks #red haired pirates #shanks x oc #opla shanks x oc #shanks x reader #opla shanks x reader #reader insert

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bitofanattitudeproblemherondale · 2 years ago

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TID characters as Taylor Swift Albums

( i have wanted to do this for so long now)

Sophie Collins as Debut "Its alright to love someone who doesn't love you back, as long as they're worth you loving them. As long as they deserve it."

I mean she totally has those faded blue jeans paired with a tank top aesthetic when you think about it. She fell head first for a boy who showed her what hope was and then grew out of it to fall for a man who lit her world. She is brave and beautiful just like country Taylor.

Tessa Gray as Fearless (Taylor's version) "If no one in the entire world cared about you, did you really exist at all?"

Because she is the epitome of hope, her transition into a new country all by herself is so inspiring, and i’ve always associated Fearless with change, the inevitable beautiful kind, that transforms you into a new person, the sort of change that grows on you.

Jessamine Lovelace as Speak Now "Life is full of risks. Death is much simpler."

Sometimes we don’t say things when we feel them before it’s too late, but like Taylor rightly said “I don’t think you should wait, I think you should speak now.” Jessamine didn’t have much time but she realized things before it was too late. She saved them by sacrificing herself. She became her own salvation.

Will Herondale as Red (Taylor's Version) "Life is a book and there are a thousand pages that I have not yet read."

Yes i promise this is definitely not because Red is my favorite album (mostly). I have always associated Red with love and said that in a way Will taught me how to love. The selfless love that comes with knowing someone, falling head first for someone unknowingly, the sort of love that comes with the risk of them not catching you as you fall. It's ugly but it's radiant. It is the most beautiful shade of red because when you look into their eyes, you know it's worth it.

Cecily Herondale as 1989 "I am not afraid of London.", Cecily said defiantly.

Are you kidding me? She is literally the new romantic. She believed in second chances, she looked for the best in people. She was sweet and the sort of person everyone would want to protect but she also knew how to stand up for herself when come to it.

Charlotte Fairchild as Reputation “What I mean,” Charlotte said, correcting herself, “is that you are a Shadowhunter first, and a lady second.”

Make way for the first female Consul. *drumroll* She is smart, she is clever, she is wise, she is badass, she is the moment. She kind of ran the institute alone for years and took care of three kids with serious issues. She is the definition of being brave.

Gabriel Lightwood as Lover “You may hide here with me, if you wish.”

Please, we can all agree on the fact that Gabriel was the misunderstood lover boy. He is easily overlooked but that does not mean he doesn't have a sparkling personality. He is a pushover but when he knows something needs to be done, he does it.

James Carstairs as Folklore "You endure what is unbearable and you bear it. That is all."

Jem Carstairs is the epitome of wisdom and I consider Folklore the most lyrically established album so I think they go well together. He is like the start of August - when the breeze in the air feels like hope. He knew how to draw stars around someone's scars and heal them. He knew how to be there for the people he loved.

#william herondale #tessa herondale #the infernal devices #cassandra clare #sophie lightwood #clockwork angel #clockwork princess #clockwork prince #james herondale #taylor swift

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thebellekeys · 2 years ago

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Incoherent Thoughts: Chain of Thorns by Cassandra Clare

Wow, haven't done one of these in about a year, I think. Here it is. The review of the book I've been waiting for since The Bane Chronicles. I gave my initial impressions of Chain of Thorns to my friends a couple of hours after I finished (operating on two brain cells only), and that was short and messy. This one is not short. It’s messy though, I’ll give you that.

TLDR: I loved this book so very much (despite my numerous issues with aspects of it). Here are the Incoherent Thoughts (a mix of critical and purely emotional reactions to the story. I've been waiting for this since 2014; of course, I frickin loved it despite everything).

Things that will tear me apart: The legacy of Clockwork Princess

There is nothing that could have gotten me to really hate this book. I've been waiting for it since 2014 and it was just so beautiful. It gave me the perfect mixture of comfort, nostalgia, excitement, and curiosity. These characters are my babies - probably more of my babies than Herongraystairs were, since I was 17 myself when GOTSM dropped and when the leadup to ChoG started. I was so happy to immerse myself in the same world that started when Tessa Gray popped into London in 1878 and I loved it here. Moreover, I think compared to TDA, TLH as a trilogy felt more polished and immersive. I really felt like this was a story that started in 2010 and which has grown like a vine with the generations of readers from back then (moving childhood to adulthood, like me), but also with the generation of characters in the story (who we also got to see grow up).

Moreover, Matthew's arc was perfect, and so I'm happy. Matthew was always going to be a core determining factor for me.

The core of the story: Love and Family

The Epilogue broke me, but in the good way. It really did. It was not as bittersweet or as sad or as mysterious or as all-encompassing as Cassie's other epilogues. But it was beautiful, and when I read:

Cordelia's heart was too full for speech. Without a word, she caught hold of her husband's hand. Side by side with James, Cordelia ran.

I felt so warm. The Epilogue felt like warmth, and it reminded me of the original Hyde Park picnic in Chain of Gold where Cordelia had just come to London and thought there was no future for her and when she hadn't yet come into herself. In a sense, I felt like we were reverting to that innocence and sense of peace at the start of Chain of Gold by ending off the trilogy in Hyde Park, with a dispersion of the characters to different parts of the world instead of a gathering to London. And likewise, March 2020, when ChoG dropped, is the same month when the pandemic started and all the universal awfulness on the planet turned up to 100. Now as the pandemic has retreated and I'm in a better place myself, the ending felt so fitting (as it pertains to James and Cordelia).

I mean, the book was about how the power of love and family, and unity can destroy and overcome even the most powerful forces in Hell, which is pretty powerful (meta on this coming soon). James healing Matthew for an entire night straight? Jordelia's pure love (and horniness) breaking the gracelet that was forged by a Prince of Hell? That's just so beautiful and perfect to me, the way Cassie shows how love prospers. I also think the book is about how secrecy and lies and falseness are actually more detrimental to love than massive acts of evil. Secrets and lies and the rigidity of society are the main conflicts of this series (I will update my current meta on this). Thematically, this story was an okay homage to Great Expectations but, just thematically, I thought it was perfect.

James, Cordelia, and Jordelia

Jordelia are the crux of the story. They truly love each other. Their love is so damn powerful. Like there's no doubting it. They really got back to each other through Hell and back. This is the kinda thing I read TSC for. This aspect of the story was beautiful and perfect, and at the core of James and Cordelia's relationship is something real and pure and good and strong - it's very storybookish. It succeeds in being very Layla and Majnun, in being very dramatic and earth-shattering and epic (in the Greek way). The endgame happened, and it was lovely. It reiterates the notion that goodness and love (God) will always defeat evil (Lucifer).

I now want to unequivocally state that Jordelia pissed me off for most of Chain of Thorns. Not even in the “I’m mildly frustrated” way. They're awful communicators, they lack cunning, and they both have way too much pride for their own good. They both also spent most of the series having no agency whatsoever, which is very annoying because they can only be victims who later become generic hero figures instead of anything more complex. Cordelia was tricked into becoming a paladin of Lilith and tricked into thinking her husband was being unfaithful to her. James was tricked into becoming infatuated with someone he didn't love and was literally fighting against the demonic inheritance he was born with - nothing has ever been James’ fault ever. Cordelia and James were victims for most of the trilogy, and I don't think they had to make difficult choices or ever had the need to possess any moral complexity. That pissed me off more and more throughout the story: the unwavering goodness and nobility and braveness that they inherently possessed. And I'm assuming this is by virtue of their last names being... Herondale... and... Carstairs. Cough. There is no plot armor stronger than being the children/descendants of the two most beloved characters in TSC. And boy, it fricking showed.

I'm not like, mad anymore. It's more of a me thing where I'm tired of morally perfect characters. And adding to the fact that James and Cordelia are so sheltered, rich asf, and also grew up among love and joy? James and Cordelia can... only do good, and can only be hurt by evil. They have never had enough agency in context of the narrative to choose to do something actually wrong. It's annoying. But I forgive them, it's fine. The biggest thing TLH suffers from is that James is Wessa's child (which is ironic, because that's why a lot of people even started reading TLH). James is like, great!, as a gentleman - he's attractive and well read and a great dancer and loves poetry and is rich and has manners and is handsome and is kind and is loving and is passionate and is the ideal bachelor, we get it. James Herondale is also clearly incapable of doing any wrong in his life and never had to make a single difficult choice besides to maybe self-sacrifice himself and then immediately get healed. So. Nothing bad was ever actually going to happen to James or Cordelia, or get in the way of their love. The narrative's duty was clearly to protect James in CHoT.

EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE THING! THERE WAS ONE THING THAT COULD HAVE GOTTEN IN THE WAY OF JORDELIA AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN INTERESTING AND COMPLEX AND IT DID LOWKEY KINDA PLAY OUT KIND OF THE WAY I WAS EXPECTING AND IT'S STILL KINDA UNRESOLVED BUT I WANTED MORE AND UGH CASSIE WAS SUCH A COWARD IN CHOT.

As for Cordelia, it's still a very mixed bag for me. I mean, she's one of the few brown women in YA fantasy who aren’t defined by fricking racial trauma or colonialism or genocide as part of her character arc. She's just a woman who happens to be brown. And she's so feminine and genteel and elegant and passionate and strong and loving, all qualities I live about her. She wants to come into her true self, and I see that struggle to find her place in the world and to find stability as her main internal conflict. I love her for that. But I also got tired of the fact that she lacks a single devious bone in her body. She is generally very oblivious and rather egotistical. She's simultaneously way too naive and proud for me to root for her all the time, and those qualities were never actually something she had to pay for in a significant way - Cassie has made her, like James, untouchable by the narrative. I love her, I really do, but I wanted to violently shake her.

Grace and Christopher

So, I have not properly processed that Kit is dead, and I may never. Moving on.

Anyways, I couldn't actually believe that the one person that did not hate Grace died. The one person that does not scorn Grace died. Grace's ending was... disappointing to me (I'll talk about this more in my Problems section). Grace is the most morally complex female character Cassie has written in TSC (I said what I said). All I wanted was for the gang to simply understand her. Not to forgive, or to forget, but just to see what she did and see why she did it. I wanted James to see and understand why she would do something so despicable. But James and Cordelia and the gang have simply decided to move on from Grace, not to understand her. They're brushing it off. That wasn't nearly good enough for me because I love Grace so much and I maintain she will be the most relatable character in the TLH for people in the real world.

I can't think of a good reason why Grace wasn't told about how Tatiana literally bought her, or why everyone else wasn't told that information or why that info didn't become public in the Enclave either. I can't think of a good reason why she isn't going to live with other Cartwrights or in the literal London Institute instead of among a bunch of people who will always kinda hate her. I think she has redeemed herself: she confessed what she did to Jesse, Cordelia, and Kit. Willingly. She helped them save London with science. She abandoned her mother and her mother's evil. She’s recognized what she’s done. But not enough was done in the story to close off her arc in a satisfying way, at least not for me. I also think making that one (1) Great Expectations quote about her siblingship with Jesse was a cop-out, because she should have said it platonically to James instead. But whatever.

Lucie and Jesse

Spent most of ChoG and ChoI not really caring about either of them only to start to like them both so much in ChoT? Jesse Blackthorn? What a man. And I warmed up to Lucie a lot. I feel like she didn't do all that much in this book, to be honest, but that's okay. I liked them both and I love how Jesse's meshed with the squad. On a side note, Lucie and Cordelia have the least compelling female friendship in the whole of TSC. I cannot properly grasp how or why they want to be parabatai. Like even their messiness isn't good or compelling messiness, so.

Matthew

He's getting a review post as long as this one on Friday or Saturday. It’ll be absurd for me to try to tackle his character here.

He is about to take over my life (again). His character arc was amazing. But moreover, I think he's the most... interesting character in the trilogy. Interesting in the purest sense of the word. He's the character I feel I understand best in TSC, and yet, I can't truly figure him out. He is either my No.2 or No.3 character in the whole of TSC right now. Matthew Fairchild is perfect. He is too good for everything ever. He, in his own way, carried the emotional aspect of the story for me. Which again speaks to how interesting Matthew is, as he doesn't get POVs. (I am genuinely trying to figure out how to express what I want to express right now.) Matthew could have like... changed everything, in a way, like he’s so powerful. Matthew's emotional state at the end of ChoT actually has changed everything, for me. I also think Matthew has managed to be the most subversive character in TLH, based on that ending alone. Matthew is an inherently jarring character, thematically, but also execution-wise. I hope Cassie knows how excellently he has maneuvered his character.

Everyone else

Alastair, Thomas, Anna, Ariadne, and the parents were all great. Tatiana was also a compelling villain (not as much as Malcolm or Sebastian, but I love her more than Valentine and Mortmain). That part when Jesse told her that Will, Tessa and the Enclave don’t hate her because they don’t even think of her was just *chef’s kiss*. I have to zone in on Alastair over the rest: Alastair was brilliant. He had the most perfect character arc besides Matthew, and also the ideal redemption arc. He didn’t just change his actions and compensate for them, but he became so loving and tender and protective throughout the story. I loved it. I’m so thrilled at how his story ended. I could have done with more adult Wessa. But the pieces and bits I actually got were both extremely in-character and hilarious and had me in fits of giggles. I love Will Herondale so damn much, it’s crazy.

Framework (Wessa, Charles Dickens, The Bible and Classic Literature)

The foundation of this book was responsible for its highs and lows. Starting with the great things: I think this book managed to be Cassie’s most “religious” work yet, and I adore that. That end sequence taking place in the literally Abbey was exquisite. The setup for a final battle between the Shadowhunters and Lucifer for TWP is there. The whole idea of love and goodness and self-sacrifice (manifested through Jordelia) defeating the powers of Hell is the most Judeo-Christian thing ever. The intersection between literature and religion was absolutely there too - from the Milton and Dante references to themes of Hell and reminders of the Fall. Another great thing that I enjoyed throughout the trilogy was the importance classic literature and poetry. Cordelia and James falling in love as children while she read Layla and Majnun to him is something that kinda makes me kinda tear up the more I think about it. The way the literature of the time period is integrated into the setting as well is awesome.

I think ChoT does not deliver as Dickens-inspired piece. Where was “to the last hours of my life, Daisy”? Why was the last third of the book so damn awful for Grace (the woman on the cover???)? The book also did not need any Epic Battle Sequence to begin with - TLH, like GE, is a book about the relationship between the individual and social codes. I have no idea why Hell and Heaven were raining fires over London for a third of th book. The tone and structure did not mesh well with a battle sequence, and so I felt like the romance and subtlety of TLH being a GE-inspired series was lost there. Likewise, another flaw that the story unintentionally suffers from is that this series… enumerates the events that took place in a generation that followed that of Wessa. And so neither James or Cordelia (*cough* a Carstairs and a Herondale *cough*) were never in real danger. For a moment I was hoping we’d get something dark and twisted or bittersweet, but then I realized… she’s never putting Herongraystairs’ direct lineage through something that screwy. The narrative existed to protect Jordelia. This book suffers from the fact that the narrative continuing to shelter and coddle James and Cordelia, similar to how they literally grew up sheltered and oblivious by virtue of having their specific last names and the associated plot armor.

Problems (many)

Kit’s death was a cop-out. She needed to kill someone, and it had to be someone important, but not too important. And not an obviously marginalized character. His death changed nothing in the story. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have died; I just thought it was poorly executed. It also didn’t help me that the one person who saw the good and the bad in Grace… is dead.

Grace’s character arc ended awfully. It would have made sense for her to kill Tatiana, and not Cordelia. But it also doesn’t help that she’s living on the fringes of society, given that said society literally hates her. The fact that she couldn’t even… stay at the Institute? The most negative things I have to say about the book are related to Grace’s arc. She’s like, been the most complex and compelling female character in TSC in a hot minute. I’m having trouble accepting the scorn she’s faced.

Edom - that sequence was ridiculous and unnecessary. The only good part of it was Heronchild, but they didn’t need to be specifically in Edom for that to go down the way it did. Lucie and Cordelia literally went to Edom to get in a portal which took them right back to London, because drama. There was no reason for the Edom trip.

No accountability or consequences - Grace and the gracelet? Forgiven and forgotten; no consequences. Jesse being raised from the dead and also them lying about his identity to the Enclave for most of the book? Forgiven and forgotten; no consequences. Matthew breaking Shadowhunter law with the whole potion debacle that cost a lot of people a lot of things? Forgiven and forgotten; no consequences. Cortana literally being able to do any and every thing the plot needs it to do, and Cordelia being the only one ever who can do it, is also quite convenient. Sure that isn’t coincidental. Like let’s have James stab himself and then we’ll Cortana Ex Machina as we see fit, don’t worry. James and Cordelia not having put on their second weddings runes until ages after they were expected to do so? Solved in one sentence in the Epilogue.

Not bittersweet (except for Matthew - only his ending was bittersweet). Grace’s ending was bitter, and everyone else’s, except Matthew, was sweet. None of the serious magical issues and the sinister secrets had any lasting effect or consequences. It was very much a happy ever after type of story; and everyone seems to have forgotten that Christopher’s very much unalive.

Sona just… had the baby. Everything was fine. Even after years of teasing that that would be more significant. Not even a Thomastair adoption, and none of the “mystery baby” theories she was teasing came though. What else was I supposed to say except… okay. Likewise, the whole explanation for why the Family Tree we’ve been teased about for a decade being screwy was weak. I just kind of zoned out. Like that whole Esme Hardcastle thing was stupid, since Cassie was giving a lot of hints about how that was supposed to go down, about why the Carstairs records are missing, and all of them involved Jem. But nothing actually “wow” happened. I suspect a lot of retconning happened. I’m sad.

Random Thoughts and Conclusion

It’s quite good that Will had refused Cortana in CP2 and that Cordelia will pass it on to baby Zachary instead of, uh, Owen Herondale, so it could have reached Emma. I’ve been, in my daze, entertaining ideas of “lmfao, imagine if Jace had ended up with Cortana and literally accidentally killed God with it, because that’s absolutely something Jace would do”. Jace, Angel Boy Extraordinary, would have beeen able to destroy Thanos with that sword.

Casual reminders of Matthew being rich and pretty and dainty are just… I love it here.

Jesse didn’t do much in this book, but he was quite funny. Like he’s unintentionally hilarious.

Anna asking Cordelia if she was pregnant felt like a personal attack against ME. I was like, one of the first idiots post-ChoI that started all the whatifs about Matthew and Cordelia and… Clary. Those theory posts still have like hundreds of notes. I was very wrong about all of my theories. It’s fine. I’ll be haunted by what so easily could have happened or not happened. But it’s fine. Ha.

Where was the Layla? The chess boards? Why was the fricking globe necklace A HOLDER FOR FOUR LINES OF GEORGE GORDON BYRON. JAMES PUT FOUR LINES FROM THE MOST GENERIC OF THE ROMANTIC ENGLISH ANGST LORDS INTO THE LOCKET??? No no no no no…

Oscar Wilde (doggo) was amazing. He’s a good boy. I think @lifeofbrybooks said that Oscar had a better character arc than some characterss. So accurate.

Hidden away, on Cassie’s hard drive, I really believe there’s a Secret Truer Original Chain of Thorns that exists. So many things felt like they were changed or omitted last minute…

Anyway, thanks to @eclecticdonutzippercroissant @amchara @benjamingross and @timesconvert for listening to me read this book. And for the fun calls and theorizing with me. Special thanks to Jenn for literally putting up with me when I put my clothes on and physically went for a long walk outside “to feel the Caribbean air on my face” before starting Chapter 23. Special thanks to Gill for validating me with her existence. I’m gonna have a lot of meta and memes coming up, in addition to moodboards and playlists. Stay tuned. And if you’re new here, check out my old stuff and accept my apologies (*generally speaking*).

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bytheangell · 11 months ago

Text

What Should Be

(Read on AO3)

Tessa knows she shouldn’t be here.

In fact, she should be anywhere but here. She knows that, deep down. She knows that anyone who found out where she is or what she’s doing would tell her the same thing. For someone who normally prides herself on being level-headed, calm, and collected, Tessa is currently throwing all of that out of the proverbial window. What she’s doing now is reckless, fueled by emotion and impulsivity.

Perhaps too much time around Will was beginning to have a negative effect on her sensibilities.

Tessa doesn’t have much time to dwell on it, spotting movement coming from the house across the street. With bated breath, Tessa tucks herself further into the shadows of the building she’s pressed against, watching the dimly lit front door open and-- oh. A man steps out and closes the door behind him, his large, bulky frame the exact opposite of the one Tessa was hoping to see.

Tessa’s shoulders hunch as her entire body seems to deflate with disappointment. Perhaps it’s a sign that she should leave now, before she’s spotted. Yes, she should absolutely leave. She should pick up her skirts and go. She should… but she doesn’t. Can’t, or won’t, Tessa isn’t positive. All she knows is that no matter how strongly her mind urges her to go, her body refuses.

She wants to be here. She wants to see her again.

“Miss Gray.”

Tessa jumps at the sound of her name being spoken from the shadows behind her. The voice startles her, so fixated on the door across the street that she didn’t hear the approaching footsteps.

Then again, Camille Belcourt seems to float when she walks and Tessa wouldn’t have been surprised to find that she moved silently.

“Ca-“ Tessa catches herself and quickly corrects. “Miss Belcourt. You startled me.”

“Did I?” Camille says, voice dripping with amusement. “I can’t see how, with what a close watch you’ve been keeping on my building.”

Tessa feels the flush rise in her cheeks. “Oh, no, I was simply passing through.”

Camille takes a step closer, fully into Tessa’s space. Tessa feels her pulse quicken, but not out of fear, and that only makes the blush worsen as Camille moves her lips to directly next to Tessa’s ear.

“Oh, my dear, you haven’t moved from this spot in nearly an hour,” Camille’s voice in Tessa’s ear purrs. ”I can hear your pulse. Are you frightened?”

“No,” Tessa says.

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’m not,” Tessa insists.

“Just like you aren’t here spying on me for your little Nephilim friends?” Camille continues. She sounds so unbothered by the prospect of it. Tessa should be furious. Tessa should be doing a lot of things she isn’t tonight.

“I told you, I was just passing through.”

“So if I go back to your Institute and ask them-“

“No!” Tessa says, nearly shouting the word. “You can’t! You… you mustn’t.”

Camille arches an eyebrow.

“Then why are you here? And I’d advise you to tell the truth, Miss Gray, or else.” Camille brings a fingernail, sharp as a blade, up the front of Tessa’s neck to rest under her chin.

Tessa considers a dozen responses. A dozen lies.

“Because I can’t stop thinking about you,” Tessa blurts out.

Camille grins.

“Ever since the party, ever since I took your form and got in your head… I can’t stop thinking about you. I- I have feelings that I-”

The confession stumbles out of her as if compelled.

“I’m sorry, I should leave.”

Tessa turns to walk away but a hand on her shoulder stops her.

“No. I believe you should stay, Miss Gray. You’ve just made yourself much more interesting to me, which is quite impressive, given how unique I found you before.”

The complement - and the look on Camille’s face says it is a complement - gives Tessa pause. And of all the shoulds that have crossed her mind that night, Camille’s is the first one she follows.

She stays.

#shadowhunters #tessa gray #camille belcourt #tessa x camille #the infernal divices #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #femslash february

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obsessedwithbooksandmusic · 2 years ago

Text

Whatever It Takes

Helloooo guys, I’m finally posting another song (I can hear the ‘about time’s from those who actually read them) BUT YES I SWR IM POSTING IT LOOK. Soo, this time, the song is based off Wessa, which is the ship of Will Herondale and Tessa Gray from the Infernal Devices and is in Will’s POV. For the hardcore Jessa fans who are like ‘hmph where’s their song?’, if you lot want, I could post it sooner rather than later if you really wanna see it. But going back to this song, it is quite happy since it’s set after TID (as in before the epilogue but after the actual events of Clockwork Princess). Formatting might be a bit off, but I’ll stop my rambling and let you lot see it now!:

This could’ve ended in catastrophe

But you are my priority

You pay so much attention

And may I please mention

Your mesmerising beauty

How did I get so lucky?

Now I don’t have to hide

Hoping that you’ll be mine

We have something so great

And I’ll do whatever it takes

To fight for more time

With you

I grew up in worn out pages

I would sit there and read for ages

My friends were the words

But soon I learned

I was allowed to feel

I had to think, Is this real?

Now I don’t have to hide

Hoping that you’ll be mine

We have something so great

And I’ll do whatever it takes

To fight for more time

With you

I want to see my name

Be the one that you claim

I want to be the one you choose

And be sure that I won’t lose

To someone who could give

The life that you should live

Now I don’t have to hide

Hoping that you’ll be mine

We have something so great

And I’ll do whatever it takes

To fight for more time

With you

Your love helped break down walls

That I never imagined would fall

So that’s that, I hope you guys like it, I’m personally quite proud of it so I’m sure all you Wessa shippers (I love how I said ‘all you’ as if I’m not one but anyways-) will have enjoyed it too. If you lot have any ideas for another ship I should write a song/poem about, if I have read the series I will try my best to write one, I have read lots of books for the record, my page is mostly Shadowhunters, but if you lot just send a book ship you wanna see as a song, I will actually be happy since im getting ideas. Anyways, thanks for reading through this and see you!

Taglist:

@tys-kitty (I POSTED IT THANK U FOR CHOOSING) @ily-beyond-measure-carstairs @rabass (do u lot still remember that you asked to be tagged lmao?)

Let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist!

#cassandra clare #will herondale #will x tessa #tessa gray #wessa #tid #the infernal devices #clockwork princess #clockwork prince #clockwork angel #the shadowhunter chronicles #tsc #cassie clare

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aaronstveit · 1 year ago

Note

Hello, Jamie! I’m here once again to annoy you about bookt*k readers and such! I’m part of a gc for fic writers and the other day they were talking about how people are reading less according to an article (they posted the link to the article too) then someone said it’s unfair they don’t count fanfic as “reading”, and then the others started showing what they’ve been reading and saying they’re pretty much ‘published fics’’, full of tropes and no variety it’s like… it’s the same stories over and over again, I don’t get it ??? Idk they sounded proud of only reading those books and I feel BAD and don’t say anything when they talk books there because the books I read aren’t at all these types of books ? I feel like they would think I’m showing off or that I’m being pretentious and that’s so stupid, honestly. I know amazing people who write wonderful fics as a hobby, fics that aren’t tropey, either, and they don’t go on saying they should count that type of story as “books read this year” but unfortunately most people are going this way where it’s easier and more comfortable to only read the same types of books and then write things only inspired on those BECAUSE THAT’S ALL THEY READ!!!!! I just wish I could tell them they’d gain so much by expanding their horizons, it upsets me a lot and I have no idea what I should do about it… :(

anon i'm soooo sorry :(( i think my tags on this old post really sum up how i still feel about the whole booktok/bookfluencing thing

like reading should be fun. i love reading! it's a great time. and i don't wanna get into all the discourse of like what ~counts~ as reading or about ~bad books~ or whatever. i just want people to think. i want people to try new things, i want people to learn stuff, i want them to make themselves uncomfortable sometimes, i want people to broaden their horizons!

and i love fanfic, i love reading it, i love writing it, i've read some of the most beautifully written fic in the world that outdoes loads of trad-published books. but. but. there is a distinct line between fic and published books. at least, there should be. there's a post somewhere around here that says it all more eloquently than i could but tropes are supposed to be bonuses, not the whole thing. books are supposed to have actual content, not just buzzwords and phrases that they genuinely aren't even using correctly (i'm taking "morally gray" out of the booktok lexicon forever, and nobody is allowed to use "bad boy" until tessa bailey personally apologizes to me for calling a golfer a "bad boy.") and i know it's a tricky thing to talk about without sounding pretentious and/or misogynistic. like i'm sorry but it's just bad. it's fast fashion for books, like that one person said. flimsy and forgettable. and it isn't just romance, either! i have read some frankly ridiculous booktok-y mysteries and thrillers. it's ridiculous.

ultimately all you can really do is recommend good books to people. try to get them talking & thinking about books with, you know, substance. unfortunately you can't make them actually read it, but maybe if you hype it up enough, they'll try it! at least, i'd like to think that would work. good luck, anon 🫶🏻

#thank you!#answered #anonymous #love letters only💛

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garvalhaminho · 4 months ago

Text

that's actually SO real

chat, do you ever think about tessa gray abandoning her kids and grandkids after will's death? like i get why she did it, and, if she didn't leave then, it would be harder to do it later, she would always be trying to outrun her fate: be the one that watches you die, be the one left. but, at the same time, i feel bad for her children and everyone adjacent bc growing up they knew tessa was immortal. they likely expected her to stick around for their whole lives, she was james and lucie's mother after all. so, when she did leave, do you think they resented her?

#tessa gray #i love her and i do think too much about her perhaps #tid #tsc

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tess-is-reading · 2 years ago

Note

☺️🙄😌

for the bookish ask ✨

Thank you for the ask @luciehercndale 💛

☺️ who's your comfort character?

I have too many to list! If I had to pick just one I’d say Tessa Gray from TID - I read TID over a decade ago now, and Tessa was really the first character I ever saw myself in! She made me so much more confident in myself as I was growing up and I will always be so grateful to her for teaching me that women can be brave and smart and bookish and stay true to themselves both in and out of relationships. We’re also both Americans that live in London, so that makes me feel even more connected to her story now!

🙄 what's a popular book that you dislike, but you'll get crucified if you say it?

The ‘A Court of Thorns and Roses’ series by SJM 😬 I think what bothers me about them is that they would be fine is they were marketed for what they are (basically smut), but instead SJM tries to include a “plot” that makes absolutely no sense and is riddled with holes and inaccuracies. I’ve read the whole series twice now and I still couldn’t say what any of the “wars” were about, lol. And those books also have massive issues with misogyny, sexism, and representation.

😌 what's your go-to genre if you're in a reading slump or don't know what to read next?

Until recently I probably would have said YA/New Adult fantasy! Now if I’m in a reading slump I tend to try to find something that is more psychological/experimental fiction to reignite my interest - Bunny by Mona Awad just got me out of a huge reading slump! Fantasy is still my favorite, but you definitely have to be in the right mindset to learn a whole new magic system and world!

Thanks again @luciehercndale!

Send me a bookish ask!

#ask games #bookish ask

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campmurderparty · 1 year ago

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gideon & tessa.

Well, he took his best shot. Sort of. Gideon hadn’t intended to hit on tessa at her engagement party, he didn’t even mean to do it. But he had. Even if it wasn’t super explicit, asking her if she ever wished it was him she was marrying instead, he had opened a door. Though he hadn’t asked her outright if she wanted to hook up, it’s what he was thinking, and he figured that tessa knew that because she graciously rejected him to his face, in her own subtle way. It was his own fault, really. He thought because he was so desperate and depraved that she might be too. He briefly hoped that she’d throw away wedded bliss for him because he was just so irresistible, when he knew that if they even did hook up and she cheated on her fiance, that he’d soon be bored of her and throw her away just like he had done to basically anyone he’s ever dated.

He left the party not long after that. Since that day, he had spent most of his time in his childhood bedroom, laptop open and not writing a word. He worried that his publisher was going to ask for the advance back if he didn’t spend a draft soon. Gideon didn’t know how to get inspiration for his sophomore novel. He didn’t even remember how he got inspiration for his first book anymore. For days on end, gideon would write a couple pages and then delete them all in the end because nothing sounded good and all the plots he could come up with he wouldn’t have wanted to read if it was someone else’s book. The central theme remained the same: lost loves. Rather, a love that was lost because it barely existed in the first place. Not real love. A high school crush that got away because the main character didn’t even realize that he liked her in the first place, and now some other man got her before he could realize what he lost.

Each time he wrote a few pages, he deleted them because he realized he was writing about Tessa. He was writing about himself. Gideon didn’t like self-reflection and he didn’t want to put too much of himself into his stories because he feared what he would end up writing. What critics and fans alike would think about his fictional self. After too much time in his room, his mother threatened to kick his ass back to new york city if he didn’t at least go outside once. Get some fresh air. Maybe find some inspiration in another woman. Gideon called up a few old friends from high school and suggested a local bar.

He honestly did not know that tessa was having her bachelorette party that night. The pub was pretty packed already and he didn’t see the group of women in sashes and crowns for a good thirty minutes. Once he did notice them, he assumed that it was for tessa, though it reasonably could have been any woman in town. It still made him feel embarrassed. “I’m going out for a smoke.” gideon announced to his friends at the back of the bar. He didn’t smoke cigarettes very often, but it would give him an excuse to avoid tessa if she was there.

Only he didn’t avoid her by going outside. He nearly ran right into her. “shit, sorry.” gideon apologized before he realized who it was, casting a sidelong glance over his shoulder as he dug a cigarette out of the pack his friend barry lent him. It took a second look for him to recognize tessa. She looked… drunk. Or at least headed in that direction. The cigarette suspended between his lips, he smiled hesitantly around it as she began talking. “Oh really?” he asked, producing a lighter out of his other pocket, then lit it up. “What kind of tricks have i been playing?” exhaling a gray cloud through his nose, he looked expectantly at tessa.

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scalesandrhubarb · 2 years ago

Text

Cull and Void

Harli sighs to himself as he looks at the massive structure that used to be the imperial palace, the entire reason he's been stuck in this cold landscape for the past couple of months. What an awful and hideous sight. A whisper runs through his mind before the Au Ra can dwell on the thought too much and he snorts out a laugh. Yeah. Business here should be finished soon...or at least as much as it can be. He hears footsteps, light against the cobblestone. Harli smiles upon seeing a familiar woman's approach, someone he would consider a friend. Albeit a mysterious one. "Well, ain't ya a sight fer sore eyes, Miss Tessa. A bright n' gorgeous spark among all this gray."

"I haven't even done anything flashy yet." She smirks with a shrug.

The masked man laughs. Even though the Au Ra looks like he's been run ragged, he seems to be genuinely happy to see Tessa. "Ha! Don't need to be doin' anythin' flashy. Thanks for meetin' me out here though. It's been a bit...well, reconnaissance hasn't been exactly ideal as of late."

"Not a problem.. so, you've been having trouble getting info?"

"Somethin' like that," Harli says, grimacing behind his mask. "It's less about info and more of...gettin' in there." He turns slightly and points to the looming structure in the distance. "Do ya know what that is, Miss Tessa?"

"I don't think it's hard to guess."

"Well, if you guessed the imperial palace you would be correct...what's left of it anyway." He turns to look at the smaller woman, though his gaze drops more than expected. An appreciative whistle runs through his head. Dammit Letale. Harli clears his throat. "While recent months have seen the place cleared out, unfortunately it is still prone to rifts."

"I see.. and that's what you're primarily looking to deal with?" She either doesn't seem to notice his wandering gaze, or doesn't seem to mind.

"It's what the company was contracted for, yes. At first the Alliance crew wanted to confirm that there wasn't any cult activity going on or the like, but there doesn't seem to be in this case. I mean--look at the energy emanating from that thing. Practically a playground for voidsent activity."

"That.. does seem apparent at a glance, yeah. So the dilemma at this point is just getting in..?" She crosses her arms, contemplating the location.

The masked man nods. "I've made some headway with the Alliance but more voidsent keep poppin’ up. There's a facility as near the palace they can get--helps keep things over there not so dire." He sighs. "At this point we'll need to fight our way through and close the rift."

"Seems straightforward enough.. I assume you're confident enough?" Tessa looks him up and down.

"In fighting through? I'll manage," Harli says with a laugh. "Just didn't have the go ahead until yesterday. Permission and all that." A whisper runs through his head and he smiles behind his mask. "How about you? How do you feel about cutting down some voidsent?"

"Not a problem." She responds casually. She judges him.. as tall.

"Well, that's good enough for me!" He seems pretty merry for someone intending to fight his way through who knows how many voidsent. All to close up a rift. Harli doesn't question her ability, listening to his gut instinct. "Between you, me, and Letale...things should be pretty good! And then that smarmy viera won't yell my horns off."

"Sounds like you have a few friends I haven't met.. are some of them joining us then?"

The taller Au Ra blinks rapidly. To be fair, the only people that know about Letale are Ravent, the bright one, and Little Blue. His work partner, a sin eater, and the closest he has to family. "Not sure you'll ever really meet her but she'll be with us every step of the way." If Tessa could see aether then maybe she'd notice something about Harli's aether. It's a nice deep blue but there is another entwined with it that isn't his own. Purple. "Not sure how much you know about reapers, but I have a contract with one voidsent in particular. Her name is Letale." A pain in the ass sometimes but one he is fond of. He pats his chest as he looks at Tessa, trying not to let himself get distracted by the beauty.

"Ahh, that explains it well enough. Seems reliable enough!" She nods, putting her hands on her hips with an energetic bounce.

"...Right." He averts his gaze, clearing his throat as snickers flit through his mind. "She's a doozy. Letale wants you to know she…appreciates." What exactly about he doesn't elaborate on but the voidsent is thrumming with approval. "Anyway, it may be a bit of a detour because of all the snow but I can give you a ride on my bike."

"If you wanna give me a ride, I'm not gonna complain. I'm happy to hear she appreciates tho!"

Harli definitely meant his motorbike in this case. "I'd be happy to," he says with a laugh. "Come on, we'll get going then. I already have the papers we'll need to get inside the facility." The Alliance patrol is familiar with him by now but the papers were merely a formality.

"Lead the way." Tessa definitely meant something, probably.

Harli huffs as they clear out the area, having fought through what seemed to be wave after wave of voidsent. It would only be a matter of time before more stood in their path. However, he would be thankful for the breather. "Shite...no wonder they didn't want me goin’ in by myself. Knew it was bad from reconnaissance but…" He straightens up and winces, clutching his side for a moment before looking at Tessa, eyes roaming to check on her. "You alright, Miss Tessa?"

She bounces back into place after another dynamic jump, standing and swiping her spear to flick remains off the end of it. "I'm doing fine, how about you?"

"Heh...you're quite agile," Harli comments, grinning at his companion and leaning against his scythe. "Got nicked by one of 'em but doesn't seem to be too bad." He scans the area and lets out a low whistle upon seeing the remnants of the two person battle against the stream of voidsent. The Au Ra makes a mental note to disperse the lingering energy. He needed to do the job right after all. "We’re headed in the right direction at least. We must be close...wasn't nearly as bad back there."

"That does seem to be the case.. you good to keep going?" She hopped in place a bit, readying herself like this was just more exercise.

"Yeah, I'm...good." He admires Tessa’s form but shakes his head to clear it. Can't lose focus now. Even if the one beside him was a marvel both in and out of battle. "Letale says it won’t be long before we reach the rift. May as well get this over with."

"Sounds good to me!"

The Au Ra stretches to get the kinks out of his system, cataloging anything else that may be wrong. There doesn't seem to be much except some bruising. Ah well. Next time he’ll better protect himself. Hopefully. "Alright, gorgeous. Time to close that rift." He starts running off in the direction he and Letale are getting atrocious vibes from.

A low whistle leaves Harli’s lips once he spots the swirling mass of void energy. Looming and ominous, a jagged looking portal sits in the center. "Well, would ya look at that? No wonder there's voidsent crawlin' all over the place." He scans the area, spotting all sorts of creepy things. The hells are those on the walls? "Not gonna lie, this place gives me the heebies and I've been to lotsa places for my missions...but this is pretty up there in my 'would not come again' list. And I thought back there was unsettlin’." Even though he says all of that, there's still some merriment in his tone.

"So, you have a plan for dealing with it then?"

"Plan, yes. Execution? Well..." He props the staff of his scythe on his shoulder. "That all depends on gettin’ through to the portal, an' from the looks of it we're not gettin' there scot free." The masked man nods to the rift, more voidsent crawling out of it even as if they speak. There's one in particular making its way through, towering over all the others. A gruesome looking red and purple creature with distorted features. "...Suppose you won't mind helpin' out with that one while I use this lil' doohickey I got? Alchemists truly are somethin' else..."

"Fun looking guy.. I can probably do something about that."

The Au Ra grins brightly behind his mask. "I'll help out once I've got the rift closed. That is if you don't fell 'im first." He laughs, expressing enjoyment despite the situation they're in. Tessa has fared well so far and for all he knows she could very well have the brute dealt with before he finishes.

"Who knows~" She's mostly been sticking to traditional combat so far.. but that doesn't mean she isn't gonna add some extra weight to jumping on the big guy's head.

"Doesn't mean ya get to have all the fun though, gorgeous," Harli says, laughing as he turns his gaze from the small woman to the mass of voidsent that are already charging towards them. "Gotta get over there first after all!" And with that he summons his avatar and speeds off, using a small portal to dash forward and throw a bolt of blue and purple energy at whatever unfortunate creature stands in his path. A distorted laugh can be heard as Harli swings his scythe before the spell can land, a sickening crunch and splatter following the echoes of his merriment.

"C'mon, just a little more, Letale…you remember what we were told," Harli mutters encouragingly. He huffs out a laugh upon hearing a snarky response drift through his head. "...Yeah. Don't worry, you'll get your payment." The Au Ra pulls the little gadget out, an odd looking but large talisman really, and starts channeling aether into it. The aether of two beings. "How ya doin', Miss Tessa?" he calls out over his shoulder, wishing the process to go along quickly before more creatures swarm them.

"I think his neck might still wo- oh, not anymore."

Harli lets out a startled laugh, having heard an audible snapping sound behind him. However, he doesn't take the time to look at the havoc the small woman wreaks. "Golly, Miss Tessa...remind me not to piss you off!" He shakes his head in amusement and puts an extra boost into the aether he's channeling. It doesn't take long before the edges of the rift start to stretch inwards. "Easy does it..."

Tessa shrugs with a slight giggle, swinging her lance to take out another smaller enemy in her peripheral, not even really stopping to look at it.

Wisps of the dark energy get sucked into the crystals embedded in the talisman, the runes engraved on it glowing brightly. The masked man murmurs a chant Ravent had told him to use, seeing the signs of a closing rift the viera told him to look out for. He keeps going, determined to get the job done. It takes a few more moments, and just as Harli feels the rift shift warningly, it fully closes. "Ah! Well then...that does i--" Letale whispers a warning and Harli blinks before leaping backwards to avoid a voidsent swiping at him. "C'mon, can't a guy celebrate in peace?" The last word is emphasized as he cuts the creature down.

Tessa laughs. "Looks like you'll have to make a point to celebrate elsewhere." With everything wrapped up, she walks up to him, hands on her hips, chest puffed up a bit proudly with a smug look on her face.

Harli's limbal rings flare with light as he scans to see if the void energy is truly gone. Yes. Mission complete. Well, once they head back and give the all clear that is. Only when he's sure does he turn to look at Tessa. "Is that so?" he says with a laugh. Just for a moment does Harli allow himself to admire the smaller woman, someone that hadn’t seemed phased by anything that occurred in the ghastly halls. He blinks and looks around at the carnage, letting out a low whistle. "Damn, gorgeous...nice work."

She just looks him in the eye, looking even more smug now. "Yeah, I think so. You have anything else to wrap up for this?"

The Au Ra blinks upon seeing Tessa's expression. "Ah..." He clicks a spot on his scythe and it folds before he rests the snath on his shoulder. "Well, we--or at least I'll--have to give a verbal report to one of the officers at the camp. After that, I’ll have to give a report to Ravent so he can make everything official...but that part can wait ‘til mornin’. We should disperse the lingerin’ energy on our way back though.” Can’t forget that. A grin forms behind Harli’s mask and he looks around one more time before nodding to himself. “Alright, almost done and then we can leave this place behind!” Good riddance. However, he knows in his heart that as long as the former palace stays in the current state…he will likely return.

Taken from a private RP that occurred on April 23, 2023.

Thank you to Tessa!

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bitofanattitudeproblemherondale · 2 years ago

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‘Home is where the heart is’, was the first thought that came to her mind as Tessa woke up to a new day. The wait was finally over, Will was coming home tonight. The past three months had been hell. Will had to go to the States, her previous home as a representative of Enclave to procure and train shadowhunters there. She couldn’t accompany him because no one else would run the institute in his absence. Three months of communicating through correspondence that arrived days later had been infuriating but they both knew they had to do this, the fact that they got through it just made their bond only stronger. It is true that you get so used to having someone around that you end up taking them for granted, unintentionally.

She got out of bed to wash and change into a blue dress that matched the color of his eyes, her favorite shade of blue. Will had the sort of eyes one could get lost in. A blue so deep, she want to jump into them without a care in the world because she knew he would always catch her. Just then, the curtains rustled to give her a perfect view of the Thames from where she was standing, it wasn’t too cold for October, the sky was clear and the air was crisp. It was as if the city knew, its savior was coming back.

So lost in thought, Tessa couldn’t help but reflect on the last couple of months, between the institute duties and staying up late writing to Will, she had lost some pounds. There were dark circles under her gray eyes because of all the sleepless nights spent thinking about what he must be doing on the other side of the world. Worry etched into her veins, she cannot count the number of times she woke up in the middle of the night restless and calling out to him, thinking of what monster he was slaying. They had been through so much together but danger ran through every part of a shadowhunter’s life. They gamble with death every day, and most of the time, gambling is pure luck.

The striking of the clock to noon startles Tessa, his ship is just about to arrive, she rushes to grab her coat and calls for Stephen to drive her to the shipping docks in the institute carriage. No matter how much time she spends in London, the city never fails to fascinate her, New York might be the city that never sleeps but London is truly the city of wonder and magic. The institute doors open with a creak to let them into the street giving Tessa just enough time to read “Pulvus et umbra sumus” engraved on them. We are dust and Shadows. It had just become her habit to look at these words every time she entered or left the institute because they always took her back to the night when she had just first arrived at the institute and was wandering the dark halls because she couldn’t sleep knowing that Nate was in danger. These words from a blue-eyed boy with rued black hair that kept falling onto his forehead had comforted her and had unlocked feelings in her that she never knew she had the ability to feel.

They arrive at the docks at quarter past four, just as the captain docks the last ship of the day. The final bell rings and people start to line up to get o the ship. Tessa stands there waiting, shaken to her very bottom with nerves, eager to see him, thinking of all the things she wants to tell him. She stands on her tiptoe looking for messy black hair and a long coat, and just then she spots him, he is climbing down the stairs, looking as handsome as ever, in a blue knitted sweater and black coat, his blue eyes remind her of hope and the band on his finger that reads ‘the last dream of my soul’ is a promise of forever. He is walking towards her now with a smile on his face that could light up even the darkest corners of the city. In a flash, he is next to her and Tessa realizes there are tears pouring down her face without even her wanting to cry.

“Of all the emotions I thought of, sadness was definitely not the one I thought you would feel when you saw me after 3 months, Tess,” he says jokingly.

“There’s something called Tears of happiness, you would know if you read the right books.” Tessa retorts back.

There’s not even a hint of awkwardness between them after being apart for so long. They had always been like that, even the letters to each other over the months had been full of their usual banter.

“Well, I am just thinking about all the emotions I am going to make you feel tonight, my love.”

Will says and kisses her and the world fades away, it is a sort of kiss that is full of meaning, it is a sort of kiss that feels like damnation and the start of a new day all at once. When they pull apart, Tessa’s heart is finally at peace after three months.

Sometimes a little distance is a good thing because you know at the end of it, you are going to be home.

#shadowhunters #chain of gold #cassandraclare #will herondale #the last hours #the infernal devices #clockwork angel #james herondale

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mistwraiths · 2 years ago

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4 stars

LOTS OF SPOILERS AHEAD

Chain of Gold is set in the early 1900s, following the children of Tessa Gray and Will Herondale, along with Cordelia Carstairs. Like all of Cassandra's books, it's an ensemble cast and it's written to enjoyably enough to devour it pretty quickly. This book was just okay to me, I actually found it to be a bit slow and dragged in places. Some of things that happened seemed to be a little too convenient or contrived to have more drama too it.

The whole demons attacking in daylight and passing along a terrible poison that no one could cure and was killing Shadowhunters was very interesting. However, it felt like we only had two Shadowhunters die so honestly it didn't feel like much of a threat level. Oh several were injured and in a magic sleep, but I would have liked some more actual loss and fear there. Along with the two that died, one was an actual child of one of the characters in the Clockwork series and it was strange that the death itself didn't have that much of an impact on the characters? Especially since they were related and one character was the sibling!! It just felt so odd that it didn't feel like much of a big deal, especially Thomas who we know he's grieving but it's not really given to us. So, I'd actually have liked more danger and death and it's impact.

Will Herondale and Tessa Gray have NEVER been my favorites, but shockingly their children are pretty okay all things considered. James Herondale isn't particularly my favorite on his own however the two things he's involved in are very intriguing to me. First, I do love that Tessa's demon blood has consequences in her offspring and has set them apart. The fact that James can go into a shadow realm of sorts, basically a demon realm his demon grandfather controls, is very cool and I love that the whole demon stuff was used to capture him and get him to become his heir basically. I'm also super interested in the whole bracelet binding him and how he can't remember how or why but he loves Grace Blackthorn. I want to know more about it! I want to see that part played out more.

Lucie feels a little too young and naive/innocent for me to really love her, especially if she's supposedly a trained Shadowhunter etc. But I do like her and I'm interested to see more of her. Especially since she can command ghosts and saw Jesse Blackthorn, and has promised to raise him from the dead.

I loved the Blackthorns in the Dark Artifices and you know, I still love them now. I loved Jesse and I'm obsessed with Grace Blackthorn. I think it's easy to think her cruel and callous and conniving, but I think she's a victim and possible a part of her upbringing. What has she had to do and deal with to survive Tatiana and the necromantic magic and demons brought around.

I also very much love the Carstairs and I do like Cordelia. I like that she wants to be a hero. I don't like that Cordelia has two nicknames that are actual completely different names: Daisy and Layla. It just feels unnecessary because I'm already trying to remember who is related to who and what their last names are, etc so more names just make more confusion. Cordelia is in love with James and while they're both the old usual "there's no way they could like me" about each other occasionally, it is clear to us that James also loves Cordelia. Although the bracelet might not fully let him. I love a good tragic romance however this wasn't doing anything for me. I actually don't really like James and Cordelia together, other than that very hot make out session that was done well, they don't really click for me. I could take back my words later for sure but for now, I don't really care about Cordelia's love for James not being reciprocated.

I like Alastair as well, and did not expect there to be drama involving a lavender engagement situation. My heart hurts for Alistair because I think I bullied lonely boy became the worst version of himself and a terrible bully, and he's still dealing with the consequences. He doesn't deny any of the things he did, in fact he does apologize or asks if they can be put behind them. Honestly, that whole part where everyone got mad at Alastair for what he said was a little ridiculous for me. We're really not told how old they are when they were at the academy but I think maybe it's like 13??? Maybe a year or two older, because there was time between them getting expelled and not being old enough to go to Enclave meetings. But, my thing is what teenagers especially on the younger end, not say shitty things about people and their mothers? The whole part where Thomas was like "my mom cried, my sisters shamed". Excuse me, who is telling a grown ass woman teenager bullshit from school and why is happily married Sophie bothered???? Also his sisters are older than him so how were they affected if Alistair when to school with the boys? That thing was just silly to me. People aren't what they say or do in high school. If they own up to it and apologize and act better, all things Alastair was doing, I don't think it matters.

I'm very interested in Matthew because we don't get a lot about him and I want to know more. It's obvious that he also likes Cordelia and honestly it feels so similar to the Tess, Will, and Jem thing that it makes me very sad. I actually like Matthew and Cordelia interacting and I know I'm probably doomed rooting for them but I am.

I LOVED Anna. Thomas and Christopher were both good characters that again I'm begging for more to understand them. I did have a really hard time remembering how they were all related and who is whose cousin or sibling or parent.

The last hundred pages were a bit messy and dramatic to me. Especially Cordelia's excuse as why James couldn't have burned the house down. WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. Of COURSE James is noble enough and indebted to marry her so her reputation isn't ruined. It makes the most sense. I don't love it but I'm going to see how it goes. Very interested in seeing what Tatiana and Belial have planned. I also had a little issue of when James almost died and Cordelia was like "life would have no meaning" and I think that's a terrible message in general. It would be devastating to lose someone you loved but life always goes on and life has meaning regardless of love.

Overall, it was a good book but nothing really WOWED me.

#cassandra clare #chain of gold #steph's book review #steph reads #2023 reads #book review

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