#i think I'm just a very niche person
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do you ever think about all of the killjoys from all of the series dancing to Time Warp Doctor Who Hillywood parody style DO YOU
#is this too niche#maybe#i think I'm just a very niche person#and yes i specifically aay this version of time warp because it has scenes from the TV show and also some lyrics are changed#on another note i hate the voice actor for rose in the parody#anyways#doctor who#the hillywood parody#ttlotfk#the true lives of the fabulous killjoys#rocky horror picture show#i am combining THREE DIFFERENT FANDOMS#PLEASE SOMEONE SAY THEY UNDERSTAND ME
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Don’t be shy share the ship you dislike
sighs... I don't like Riddlecat friends I'm so sorry. Every comic I've been told to read to Get It has Not helped me Get It, Selina is just Cooler than him and Doesn't like him hfdsjkjgh. I will NEVER yuck anyone's yum, all I ask is that nobody ask me to draw Riddlecat thank you I believe the Riddler is a Gay
#don't go be mean to Riddlecat enjoyers#I'm no expert or pinnacle of Riddler knowledge#in fact most Riddler fans interpret him as bisexual anyways so#I'm in the very small minority in thinking he's meant to be a strictly Gay character#so don't take my niche opinion as law#or as an admonishing of the ship!!#I just personally Don't like it! and that is Okay
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Do you have any more ideas about the dead dove vampire!dickxtim au you wrote a while ago? It's lived in my head ever since and I'd love to know more.
first of all thank you so much that's so sweet! second of all, i have SO many ideas you have no idea. that fic ate at my brain for like a month before i found the time to write it so i had plenty of ideas i didn't fully explore. i'm adding a read more just bc. that was one of my more fucked up fics so i don't want to subject anyone to a necro kink jumpscare
so one of the big ideas i've thought about with that fic is Tim dealing with the aftermath of it, right. bc he's of course going to hide it from everyone. the Batfam all just neds to hold onto the hope that they can save Dick somehow, and knowing what Dick did would kill any lingering hope that there's anything left of Dick Grayson in the walking husk that he's become. so Tim has to deal with the worst of it alone, probably not even mentioning he ran into Dick.
the fun part tho is that above everything else, Tim wouldn't be able to let go of Dick's comment about fantasizing about Tim before being a vampire. Tim knows the comment was made just to get in his head, but that doesn't stop it from working. he spends hours pouring over old footage of him and Dick training, hanging out, on patrol, anything he can find. just to like. try to find evidence of Dick's gaze lingering. it eats Tim alive not knowing one way or the other if it was a lie. if it's true, at least it makes it easier for Tim to move on from the memory of Dick. but not knowing is worse. and he never finds anything that satiates the question so like. that'd destroy Tim the most. (the real answer is that Dick genuinely didn't feel attraction to Tim before being a vampire, *but* Dick is convinced he did bc being a vampire fucked him up so badly that he's become his own unreliable narrator. so it's both true and untrue, and in the end, it doesn't matter either way bc Tim is fucked up by the thought of it and even if they "fixed" Dick by curing him, i think Dick's romantic feelings would linger in the horror of what he did.)
i'm really just. in love with Dick's feelings toward Tim in the fic. the most difficult part of the fic was figuring out how to end it, bc sure as a sexual fantasy Dick is obsessed with killing Tim, but he's also deeply in love with Tim, so it's difficult to follow through on. Dick wants to make Tim a vampire more than anything, but he is genuinely worried about how well it'd take for Tim. the fic doesn't really go into who's on Dick's side as a vampire, but i personally believe he's turned most of the Titans. probably some of his own rogues as well, i could see him turning Slade. i can't explain why, those are just the vibes.
it is important to me just how much of Dick's feelings for Tim are based in him not wanting Tim to live under Bruce's thumb. like the whole vampire brain has convinced Dick that Bruce is somehow the villain in this, and it was Bruce's control keeping Dick from being the person he wanted to be. it's a very warped reality and if i continued the fic i'd love for the second part to be from Dick's perspective just to have fun with the unreliable narrator of it.
back to the porn tho. Dick would seek TIm out again. probably in Tim's own apartment, just bc he wants to destroy every safe space Tim has. getting into Tim's head is an important part of breaking TIm down. the fear of Tim fighting back against being a vampire is one that Dick is trying to figure out how to manage and his current plan is to break Tim mentally. it's why he brings up wanting to sleep with TIm before being a vampire. he *knows* it's gonna fuck up Tim. and the more he puts these little cracks in Tim's psyche, the more he's sure he's breaking Tim down enough to be able to turn him. so going to Tim's apartment and proving that at any point, Dick can easily find Tim and fuck him. always holding the threat of killing Tim over his head. and Dick knows Tim didn't tell anyone when days pass after their first meeting and no Bat comes after him so like. Dick really just pushes the limits. i think he would brand Tim just bc he can. i also got a comment on the fic that mentioned Dick stabbing Tim and fucking the wound and i canNOT get that image out of my head either-
and the necro/snuff kink just. Dick playing the long game, so it takes maybe months of stalking Tim, going after him. sometimes he fucks Tim, sometimes he just fights and taunts him. and all the talk about killing Tim fucks with Tim's head a little bit. i think it'd be fun if it killed Tim's ability to have vanilla/normal sex with someone else, like Kon. it's hard for Tim to understand anyone being attracted to him in a way that doesn't involve him being a dead body. i don't think he develops the kink fully, but he does end up convincing himself being a corpse is the only way he's attractive bc of all the things Dick has said to him. it all plays into Dick psychologically breaking Tim.
i am a lover of fucked up/unhappy endings so. for me. the ending would be Dick following through on his plan to kill Tim and turn him. it'd take months for Dick to work up the courage bc TIm was absolutely right when he pointed out that Dick was too scared to actually follow through on his fantasy. Dick tries, multiple times. he convinces himself no less than five times that this is going to be the one. this'll be the time he really does it. but just as Tim starts to die, Dick panics. i think it's especially fun if once Dick even gives Tim CPR bc of his cold feet. so Tim does "die" for a second and has to brutally come back while Dick is buried inside of him.
but when Dick does it, his fears manifest in that Tim does *not* take being a vampire well. he's constantly trying to kill himself (in the time it takes for Dick to break Tim, Tim probably does figure out what poison can kill a vampire) and Dick ends up having to keep Tim locked up so Tim doesn't kill himself. would truly love to try to write Tim as mentally shattered as possible. part of him loves Dick, but he's fighting himself so hard he's not even sure if it's the vampire side that loves Dick or the human side. he's kept like a human pet, bc Dick is convinced he'll get Tim to accept it sooner or later. just a very fun, very fucked up sort of ending. i say this about all the fics i write but this one specifically i do *really* want to continue someday. i know exactly the direction i'd take it, and it could turn into a pretty long fic with a lot of fucked up porn, a lot of unrequited love, and an eventual mind break for Tim.
#necrotic answerings#kindly praise#your dream turned into a nightmare when i crawled inside it#batcest#dicktim#dead dove do not eat#seriously this is a VERY dead dove if you have not read the fic be warned about reading this post lkjhklkh#shock of shock. the person with necrotic in their username. likes necro shit in fanfic.#i might explore necro kink in other ships#i've got a fucked up ra's/tim brainworm where ra's kills tim and brings him back to life with the pit. over and over.#waiting until he 'perfects' tim#(all while fucking him. obviously.)#anyway yeah i coudl easily turn this fic into like. at least 50k of fucked up shit.#which is funny bc when i wrote it i was SO nervous about posting it#i genuinely almost didn't post it. my partner can attest to this.#but i'm delighted it found it's niche.#necro freaks unite#i should mark this post mature. i will not.#you can tell i have a LOT of thoughts. i thought so much of this fic out that didn't actually end up in the text#some of it was just bc i couldn't include it from tim's pov#and some of it i did want to leave up to the reader#such as whether you believe dick had a crush on tim beforehand#in my head the answer is no but i think it's also fun if you believe he did#so i welcome that interpretation
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#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#sabaody archipelago#ch512#well anyway i'm doing 511 and 512 on the same night bc i want to fluff the queue a bit more#we're getting pretty close to the marineford war arc and there are not going to be a lot of sanjis there... i'm torn between actually doing#a reread for me personally and just skimming for sanjis. i do want to read a few more manga series#i have a list of josei recs from some youtubers i watch since i enjoy josei games#i'm thinking on reading uhhhh life lessons with uramichi oniisan soon since that one seems very funny#idk maybe in a few chapters you'll see my review in some of these tags#but the other 3 series on my notecard areeeee dont call it mystery. even though we're adults (which is also yuri)#and apple children of aeon which i'm probably going to do next? idk yet.#well anyway i'm also getting even deeper into 18trip like its bad bad#netaro sr event happening rn and thank god its just an sr bc i went broke pulling#for nagi's birthday card (got his initial ssr. no birthday though </3#) and renga's birthday is august 9th and grrrrr#i read a better tl of renga's light novel + liguang's ln + first half of sun will r1ze and oh my fucking god#i need a better tl of ten's ln NOW come onnnnnn let me go insane#i'm probably going to be posting 18trip meta on main if anyone was that interested#in my takes on a kinda niche new josei game#play/read 18trip though this is a Threat
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So I heard that Tumblr is slowly being abandoned (they seem to be laying off a majority of their staff and keeping a skeleton crew) and we might be nearing the end of this webbed site. I don't think it's currently worth panicking over, but I'm definitely going to start making that neocities website.
I'll make a post soon about other places where you can find me. Unfortunately, I've spent quite some time these last couple years getting rid of a majority of my social media because most platforms were bad for my mental health. I do not plan on going back to these platforms, so if tumblr goes down, I'm going to be only on non social media.
Maybe if one of the new social medias being created, actually take off (like bluesky or pillowfort or whatever else these days) I might join, but if not I might be entirely on personal websites, patreon (I will start posting regularly like a blog and make more free posts), some old websites I deleted but not because I hated them (such as ko-fi, which I deleted due to inactivity) and possibly furaffinity. I'm still on the fence about furaffinity. I might also finally start using my toyhouse but that is an oc sharing website and not much of an art sharing website.
I really do hope Tumblr doesn't go down, this is my one social media and if it does go down I am going to lose nearly all of my audience. I can make do by creating a personal blog and using whatever I have left in terms of "can post my art there and people can find me", and it won't discourage me from making my personal projects. I can make do, and I will make do, but I don't really want to make do.
Anyways, that's all I have to say right now, I'll make a post later once I set up some alternative sites to find me at, but for now I want to give the heads up that if I'm gone, you're not gonna find me on twitter, Instagram, or whatever third option there is. I'm likely going to just make do, be offline more, and likely just become active on the discord servers I'm on.
#simon says#long post#i think#it looks long on mobile#anyways there it is#I'm gonna have to start learning html#im also really sad that i hate making videos so much because I probably would just go on youtube#but I know from experience that I am not becoming a youtuber entirely because I fucking hate making videos that much#i get tempted quite often to become a nice little art youtuber or go into a niche art video subcategory#personally fight against the things I hate about youtube by not doing those things#but I just hate video making too much to do that#i do NOT like my voice enough to edit it#i might consider live streaming again since I used to live stream but also hnng nah im not sure#I prefer live streaming to video making because I hate making scripted videos and I love the live aspect of streaming#but also do I really WANT to stream again or do I just want an audience from a platform where it's very easy to build an audience?#that one is gonna be up in the air for a while tbh#streaming is currently in 'im not sure how i feel about it' limbo and it may never leave#if I do decide to start live streaming again you will hear about it on my sick ass personal blog I have to code#because I'll probably unravel those mixed feeling and come to a decision likely long after tumblr disappears lmaoooo#edit:#also I would rather eat my arm off than ever go back to tiktok so rule that one out forever
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I feel like alot of cureent queer discourse boils down to the fact that unknowingly or unwillingly or not we kinda, exist in echo chambers. or atleast believe one specific experience to be true only for what/who we know and it not being applicable to anyone else. except the 'anyone else' will have the exact equal+opposite experience and believe the same of you. we're on two ends of the same boat with our backs turned to each other thinking that our side is the one closer to tipping over, or something.
#this probably doesn't make alot of sence and I wanna maybe say it better when I can fully word what I want to say but I hope this kinda#makes sence?#like the examples I can give are very online and very niche because I'm just that kind of queer person due to my environment#and I'd like to think it's different irl#and the internet's promotion of hyperindividualizm or whatever is what makes this worse#idk#psii.txt
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It would be insane if we weaponized mommy issues against men the way we weaponize daddy issues against women. Any time a man criticizes a woman we go “awww poor little baby boy didn't have a mommy who loved him” and all of his beliefs become embarrassing and he has to exit in shame. Like. Don’t fucking do that, but it would be absolutely insane if people did that.
#the thing is 'you have experienced pain' probably shouldn't be as effective as it is at shutting down a conversation#and don't get me wrong I'm aware of the reverse phenomenon where having experienced pain is used to legitimize your beliefs#but that's just the other side of the coin right?#treating pain as transformative in a way that either devalues you or legitimizes you#both of which are narrowminded ways to look at it#also I meant this as a joke but that literally is exactly how people talk about paul mccartney#only I don't think they know they're being condescending and denying him agency and maturity and the chance to be heard or valued#and I do think that's a very niche example I don't think that's a widespread thing with dudes like crying 'daddy issues' is with girls#pro tip: if you replace 'poor little baby' with the person's actual name you become 70% less condescending#op
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The fact that there has never been an In Our Time episode devoted to Aelred of Rievaulx is bizarre to me, out of all the subjects that are tailor made for that programme and its interests, as well as the specific background of its host, I mean come on
#We've had episodes on Bede and Cuthbert and Alcuin#We've had episodes on David I of Scotland and on the twelfth century Renaissance#We've had episodes on friendship and monasticism and history-writing#You're telling me Melvyn Bragg couldn't find room for a discussion of a Hexham boy who embodied all of those things#I mean I realise In Our Time is trying to have a broad appeal and should cover more subjects than just local British interests#However it just seems to me that Aelred of Rievaulx was meant to have an In Our Time episode about him#Like I don't think he should have movies or a major popular history book or whatever#The form of public media he was grown in a laboratory to be represented in was In Our Time#Trying to restrain myself from recommending it on the bit where they ask listeners to suggest topics#I may be blinkered by the fact that no matter what essay I write about whatever aspect or time period in the Middle Ages#Aelred always pops up somehow- but he's not exactly Bernard of Clairvaux or Thomas Aquinas after all; he's undoubtedly a lesser known figur#I'm not blind to this and it may be my personal bias#I'm just now seized with the constant thought of 'Does Melvyn Bragg know about this' because I'm convinced it would be right up his street#Also this post is a very niche interest I am well aware but if it finds the mutuals it's meant to find then that's all that matters
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i know it's completely within an author's rights to revoke access to any of their works for any reason, and especially as a fellow author i'd never want to actually deprive someone of that right... but it's genuinely hard to describe how truly gutting it feels when i try to revisit one of my favorite fics and find it gone :(
#it's been happening at a weirdly high rate recently#like in the past year alone#not just a handful. more than one handful#some of them i'm still not over tbh#aphelion.txt#fanfic#ao3#ive deleted like maybe one fic ever. i dont really believe in deleting my fics personally#but i recognize that it would be absolutely insane to hold anyone else to my personal standard. esp since i do have exception(s) to it#Oh and one of the fics i'm thinking of had like 30 kudos#i looked for it for actual hours i was soo sad i couldn't find it again#i went thru like every fic in the relevant tag(s) to make sure#even very underappreciated and niche fics can lodge themselves permanently in someone's heart
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TDI Advice wanted!
Hi TD fans! I'm planning a rewrite of TDI, the cast will be 18 for in-universe reasons (think legal contracts, I'm not gonna be weird about them). I'm aiming to make it more realistic and in line with the 2007 aesthetic, i.e era appropriate lingo & references, mobile phones are rare, homophobia is a bigger concern etc, but I'm wondering how far I should take it?
In the end I'll write what I enjoy, but should I lean more heavily into the gritty side of reality TV both on and behind the screen, include more notable sexism, potential slurs and creepy behaviours etc? The point is for there to be believable drama in-universe and the topics planned all have some merit to be present. I have some hard lines I'll never cross (see last tags on the post for those curious) and I want people familiar with the themes to feel seen rather than exploited reading it.
At the end of the day the cast are just youngsters getting to know each other and themselves. I want to humanize them and write believable conflicts without demonizing anyone, it is intended as a character driven story after all. But I also want to know what others think would make for an enjoyable read/take on the show.
The cast will inevitably diverge from their canon counterparts, but I am unsure how to handle certain characters, an example being LeShawna. She's clearly based on a racist stereotype, but her personality, background and lingo are a huge part of her appeal and I'd rather portray her in a better light than change her from the ground up. If you have any pointers I can keep in mind for her or anyone else you think is often portrayed poorly in canon or fanon then please let me hear your takes! This goes for non-TDI castmates as well, even if they don't show up in the story I wanna know what people think does and doesn't work for them and their tropes/traits cause it might still be relevant!
#Td#Tdi#Total drama#Id love any opinions no matter how personal or miniscule. Even outside of fic writing I love hearing theories/analyses.#Also: I already have some things very strongly set in stone so I won't change this project to perfectly appease someone else's vision#Some charas will inevitably be OOC at points but I am using canon information and what we know from stuff like other seasons and their bios#-as my basis for most things. Because while I want to explore some unrelated topics I still want this to be the TD cast. Not my OCs.#That said there will be personal headcanons thrown in. But I hope they flow well with canon and don't stand out as a sore thumb.#Some HCs might replace canon traits but only if I think they were bad/random or underdeveloped.#And if you have songs you think fit the campers pls send them my way! Good character playlists really helps w getting into their headspace#While I am a huge IOTS fan I don't intend to reference it in my work. No gore or character deaths because that stuff is too impactful both-#-for the characters and for the show in-universe. It would derail everything which is what makes IOTS work but is unfitting here.#All TWs will be listed once I start writing. I'm happy to tag niche phobias/squicks/TWs as well so if you're interested in reading but-#-worry that something specific might be included then just ask! No matter how silly it might seem I've got you covered.#What I won't include: SA nor heavy sexism/racism. I might not touch racism much at all outside of beauty standards/racist tv tropes.#Any heavy topic included will be approached with a lot of care and consideration for those affected. There will be 0 shock value inclusions
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The person I live with isn't my parent but they are very much a stand in for them and it's so funny us standing in the kitchen and I'm talking about something like formicophilia and they're interested and engaging
#to be clear. I am not into bugs. I am a very curious person who likes to learn about the shit in this world.#and the icp song playin' in the woods mentions it. I think it's certainly an interesting and unique thing to create fiction about.#living with me is very educational. for the most niche bullshit. but anyway I'm just saying it's funny how supportive they are of me#and my art#personal shit
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A home to treasure, a home to flee
(**This post contains big-time spoilers for Citizen Sleeper and Life is Strange: True Colors. No way around it! **)
In the last year, I've had two experiences with video games that unearthed some interestingly divergent intuitions in me.
In one, the game let me make a precarious little home for myself, and even though it kept giving me opportunities to leave – it really seemed like it hoped I'd leave, to strike out somewhere in pursuit of a better life – I clung to the fragile little home I'd created, savouring its small earned pleasures.
In the other, the game gave me a home, aesthetically dazzling and too good to be true, with a hideous past which the game desperately wanted me to forgive and to stay – laying it on thick about how beautiful it would be if I stayed – and I found I couldn't flee fast enough.
It makes me wonder a bit about my relationship to home.
*
Citizen Sleeper is one of my favourite games I've played in a long time. It's quietly etched its place on the list I keep in my mind of "proper Hall of Fame indie games", along with Celeste and Immortality and at most a dozen others. It's a game whose ambitions are restrained, but the light touches of its writing are pretty much all paintbrush-perfect.
In it, you play a Sleeper, a degraded kind of worker-clone, carrying the emulated consciousness of a real person inside a crummy bio-android body that'll fall apart if it doesn't get regular injections of corporate-controlled medicine. Your entire existence is a method of skirting labour laws. You managed to escape your corporate labour-camp, but now you're on this random space station with no money or friends, and your biological meltdown-clock is ticking. Just gotta keep moving, keep working, keep trying to figure something out.
I won't give a full review of the mechanics and story; what I really want to talk about right now is the apartment. In Citizen Sleeper, you're always choosing how to allocate your limited time and energy, and if you want, you can choose to spend an irresponsible amount of both fixing up an abandoned apartment unit, using scrap metal to try to plug up the holes and make it livable. This is, frankly, the best thing. With how nightmarishly precarious every aspect of your existence as a runaway Sleeper is, just to be able to lay your head somewhere that's yours is blissful.
And then – most special of all – once you've fixed up the apartment, a stray cat will sometimes stop by, and you can spend some money to feed it some crushed-up crackers. The cat never becomes yours (it always maintains its independence, coming and going as it pleases), but you can know each other. You can become part of the weave of each other's lives. Even in this hostile capitalist hell-hole, even with a body constantly on the verge of betraying you: you can eat some delicious spiced fungus and have a cat stroke itself against your thighs. Things can be worth it.
As I got on top of my finances and found a steady source of medicine, I only found myself more and more attached to my apartment. Some missions take you right over the other side of the space station, and (because it can take ages to get back) the game frequently offers you places to crash that are much closer to where you need to be. I didn't use them once. Once I'd fixed up the unit, I slept every single subsequent night of the game there, even if it meant traveling a silly distance to get there and back. I wanted to get back because, first, it was my home, and second, I had to feed the stray cat. It might miss me if I were gone.
As you get further into Citizen Sleeper, the game offers you all sorts of ways to get off the station. You can work/cheat your way onto a huge colony ship that's set to begin populating a new and uninhabited planet. You can hitch a ride with a mercenary and start a more knowingly dangerous kind of life. You can fuse your consciousness with a cyber-organic plant-consciousness, 'Grow Vast and Strange', and lose your sense of a distinct self entirely.
I didn't go for any of them. I got my friends on board the colony ship and waved goodbye to them. I gave the mercenary the cold shoulder. I thanked the plant-consciousness profusely for the opportunity, but wistfully turned away from what it was offering. I kept choosing to return to my own small world on the station: to the apartment, to the stray, to Emphis' spiced fungus stand, to Lem & Mina & Tala & Riko, and to all the tiny meaningful markers of the life I'd built for myself here.
This was my life. I'd made it, and that meant everything.
*
Life is Strange: True Colors is a much weirder game, and one I'd recommend to far fewer people. I've written before about my complicated feelings about the Life is Strange series, which have a tendency to take huge emotional swings with subjects that they're not really mature enough to handle responsibly. That's part of their appeal, admittedly: these games absolutely go for it, and even when they stumble, it's usually pretty compelling.
In True Colors, you play as Alex Chen, a shy 21-year-old orphan with a kind of superpowered empathy. She can read people's thoughts a bit, sometimes even accessing their memories, and when somebody near her is experiencing a big emotion, she gets overwhelmed with a mirrored version of it. This got her branded as 'emotionally unstable' in the Oregon foster care system, so she struggled to be adopted. She lost touch with her older brother Gabe after he was placed with a different foster family, but eight years later, with his own life straightened out, Gabe was able to track her down, and invite her to come live with him in the idyllic little mountain town called Haven Springs.
I won't go beat-by-beat through the whole plot, because it's bonkers and byzantine, but the key points are these. (Again, full spoilers.) After Alex and Gabe's dad abandoned them when Alex was 11, he ended up working for a locally hegemonic mining company called Typhon in Haven Springs. Later, Gabe tried to track him down, and Haven Springs was where the trail went cold. This turns out to be because their dad died in a hideous mine collapse, along with several other miners. A local foreman named Jed Lucan got credited as a 'hero' for saving the miners who survived, but in reality he was the one who chose to abandon the others to their deaths, and Typhon conspired with him to cover it all up.
When Gabe came to Haven Springs looking for their dad, that same foreman, Jed, now the owner of a local bar, felt guilty about having left this kid fatherless, and treated Gabe with a lot of generosity. He set Gabe up with a job in his bar, let him rent the great loft apartment upstairs, and really just ensconced Gabe in Haven Springs life (obviously without telling him the murdery truth). Then, when Gabe is finally able to track down his little sister Alex, he wants to pass on the generosity, and offers you the loft. He’s moving in with his girlfriend, you and your brother are finally back in each other’s lives, and it all seems too good to be true.
It is. Almost immediately after arriving in town, Gabe is killed – by the very same mining corporation – while up in the mountains trying to rescue his girlfriend's kid. Typhon were told that there were people in the area and they needed to delay their blast, but they knowingly went ahead with it anyway, because (it turns out) they needed the noise to cover up a second, more illegal scheduled blast nearby. That second blast was to fully cave in the old mine and bury the evidence of the incident that killed Alex and Gabe's father, in preparation for a coming inspection that could have uncovered the deaths.
So essentially: your brother was murdered casually, incidentally, as part of covering up your dad's murder from years ago.
I'm delivering this information in a totally different order than the game does (there, the relevation that Jed let miners die and your dad was among them comes very late), but I'm laying it all out so you understand the chronology of events. Just lay it all out flat in your mind. You're Alex, and you find yourself living in this town that seems pretty wonderful – picturesque and warm, with an economy of little other than bars and flower shops and record stores – but you eventually discover that both your father and your brother have been murdered here. You also discover that the person who's been kindest to you, the surrogate father-figure who let you work in the bar and live in the loft virtually rent-free, is the evil fuck who killed your dad.
You do eventually empathy-detective your way to exposing all this, of course. By the end of the game, Jed is going to prison, and Typhon is facing the absurdly (but not unrealistically) softer consequences of 'their CEO resigning' and 'their stock price taking a hit'. But then – and this is the part I've needed to go over all this melodramatic plot in order to talk about – the game wants you to stay in Haven Springs.
Alex's final choice is whether to stay or leave. Somehow, you're still living in the loft of the murderer you put in jail, and it's implied that you can just keep doing that. The game gives you an option to leave – to go off on a scrappy music tour with your indie girlfriend Steph – but the game gilds the lily heavily in favour of staying. You have an entire conversation with an imaginary ghost-projection of Gabe, and he spins this whole fantasia about how wonderful your life could be if you simply stayed, let "time do its thing", and commit to transforming this place.
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But like ... fuck that, right? Fuck that!!!
As far as I'm concerned, this is a "noping out of a horror movie" situation. By the end of True Colors, Haven Springs feels cursed. This tiny pretty town is where every existing member of your family was murdered. What, you're literally just gonna stick around limply hoping they won't murder you too? While the hegemonic mining corporation is still stalking around, knowing you did this to them?
Like, Alex. Dude. These white people are not safe. The Chens are seemingly the only Asian-American family in a hundred miles, and the track record of Chens not getting murdered by the biggest and most powerful local employer is bad. Sure, that one guy is in prison now, but the problem was never that one guy. Underneath this town is a seam of raw murder and lies and evil, and everyone being so saccharine-sweet to you all game long only makes that fact worse. You can’t escape your trauma, you can’t escape your brother and father having been killed, and you can’t escape the horrorshow of capitalism – but you surely don’t have to stay here.
It's hard to overstate how repulsed I felt by the prospect of staying in Haven Springs. While Citizen Sleeper had me taking pride in the modest, scrappy life I'd clawed out for myself in the margins, True Colors felt like the complete opposite. It felt like a series of overbearingly loaded gifts, all lush and pretty and tailor-made, but with a violent catch spring-loaded inside every pocket. It felt like the bashful smile of a poisoner offering you a drink. All of my instincts were to run.
*
Some day soon, I'm sure I'll be able to write a thing about videogames without tying it back to transness, but look – I'm two months on HRT. Right now everything feels connected with transitioning, and I'd be lying if I said the trans-relevance of this little parable didn't occur to me immediately.
My body is the home I was given, and I’ve always lived here uneasily. I’ve never known what to do with the ‘gifts’ that came with being read as a guy (most of them are still half-unwrapped in the back of my closet). Everyone wanted me to like it here, expected me to like it here – why wouldn’t you like it here? – but I just didn’t. A seam under the surface was wrong, and kept itching. I don’t want this to come across as a matter of pure contrarianism, but being real: the amount of contrarianism at work here probably isn’t zero. The world tried to give me a gender I’d like – a whole sweet-ass loft if you just ignore the murders – and I’m leaving. I’m off to make my own thing. And even if it’s objectively shittier in tons of ways, I’m confident I’ll like it more.
Between Citizen Sleeper and True Colors, my inescapable conclusion is: I would rather sit alone in this cold empty abandoned apartment than live in Haven Spring's paradise. I would rather chew fungus and scrape for corpo-medicine as a girl than be the beloved centre of a twinkling idyll as a guy. Haven Springs is so pristine and gorgeous, so flush with friends and flowers and foosball, but at a certain point you just can't unsee the seam of wrongness under everything. Whereas the kind of life you can build in Citizen Sleeper – the crummy apartment, the stray cat, all the friends you make and all the people who pass you by – feels infinitely stronger to me. Infinitely more earned. Infinitely more durable and darnable and real.
#“a whole sweet-ass loft if you just ignore the murders” = my user review of masculinity#I have some writer friends who - when I write long and literary posts like this one - always suggest sending them to publications#and I've done that a bit in the past but mostly I just ... don't#partly out of laziness#partly out of a self-deprecating assumption that they're too idiosyncratic and personal#but also partly – I think – out of another limb of the exact same range of feeling as I'm talking about in this post#being published in someone else's publication is like ... oh#if you behave yourself very well you can get invited to dinner#put on a starchy shirt and try to be as sparkling and interesting as you can#y'know?#whereas ... this tumblr? my dinky little website?#they're shitty but they're mine#(tumblr as an abandoned apartment building that I get to squat in)#(that feels particularly apropros)#it's hard for me to feel like there could be a better venue for writing like this#it's so self-indulgent! and so absurdly niche!#so I end up just ... staying in this shabby little home I've made for myself#which I think makes sense given the content and context here#lol#citizen sleeper#life is strange: true colors
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If you made a just some guy tournament I have a couple ideas of guys who'd be good candidates but the problem is they're way too niche and would get eliminated immediately. I'm talking guys like Kevin J. James from Guaranteed* Video or fuckin uh. Ando Masahashi from Heroes
I mean, don't let nicheness hold you back! you never know what kind of results you'll get. though I will say, I haven't figured out exactly how I'd be running it yet, but I'm probably gonna not allow real people, so Kevin J. James wouldn't work. but fictional characters are fair game!
#asks#anonymous#I'll probably set up a google forms for submissions if I end up doing it#so people can submit characters + reasoning#and I encourage you to go as niche as you want bc I'll probably include the reasonings people give in the polls themselves#but I don't think I'll allow real people#even though it would be very funny to put jerma in there#but I think the way I'm defining Just Some Guy#is like a very ordinary person in a very extraordinary situation#so for example I'll definitely be including reigen (a non-psychic surrounded by psychics and spirits)#and ethan winters (just some wifeguy forced to fight zombies)#so if your guy fits those parameters I say go for it#NOT until I get it set up of course#and I haven't even decided if I'm actually gonna do it yet#I'm still waiting on the poll results#I hate that I can't see results unless I vote myself#I don't want to skew things
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"oh a brightness adjustment isnt working and you're really frustrated people keep suggesting that? i understand. have you tried a blue light filter" jesus fucking CHRIST people
#this is not about me this is about a different blogger with waaaay too many people in her askbox#and far too many of them are being absolutely cabbages#if you thought of it within 5 seconds of learning of the problem you should absolutely assume the person in question has already#thought of it and everyone around them has also already thought of it#unless you are an expert in this particular field and your solution is based on very niche knowledge#blue ramblings#rant#vent post#seeing this blogger deal with this bullshit gets to me because#while i dont have nearly the same amount or severity of health issues#i have suffered from insomnia and general disordered sleeping for a Very long time#and people continue to make thee most asinine suggestions#and it really gets to me#because they're “well meaning” so i'm not supposed to get mad at htem#except their “well meaning” is just very self serving. because they didn't actually -think- about MY problem#they ONLY thought of how -they- could ''''help'''#and so their 'advice' is completely detached from the reality im dealing with#fifteen years my dude!!! you think you're the first to think of herbal infusion in fifteen fucking years???#shut the fuck up for ever actually
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hey jonny, i just thought you'd want to know that character.ai has an ai-generated imitation of your voice and i'm not sure what other websites might have it or where it originated :(
Yeah, it's a fucking garbage state of affairs but, as a somewhat well-known performer with a pretty distinctive voice it doesn't exactly shock me. Needless to say I think anyone who used this is a mediocre waste of skin and if they ever tell me in person they've used it then 50/50 I punch them in the teeth.
I can't wait for a couple of years when it all collapses just like every other niche-but-interesting-technology-with-limited-use-cases-sold-as-a-universal-panacea-to-gormless-CEOs grift (blockchain being the best example). Because the thing is, none of these things actually make any money and cost a vast amount, so as soon as all the dumb venture capital funding dries up and AI is required to actually start paying for itself, the bubble bursts and the whole industry is fucked.
That said, it's gonna be rough when it happens - a lot of companies have invested very heavily in AI and they're going to be hurting badly. I know of more than one media company whose idiot executives invested ridiculous amounts into NFTs and ended up laying off massive swathes of workers when that obvious fucking scam collapsed. I suspect the AI crash is gonna be even worse than that. And by then it will have drowned the Internet in slop. We'll see, I guess.
Anyway, anyone who uses AI is a soulless fucking husk of a person who cannot tell half-digested vomit from culture, and I would pity them if they weren't making the world such a measurably worse place to exist.
#Ghouls and idiots the lot of them#That have killed off their sense of wonder and murdered their own spirit#So that they now look at the staggering beauty and scope of human creativity and culture#And call it all “content”
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i have a fever. let's imagine pokemon world dash discourse together. (sorry i do not have darkmode.)
🤳🏻 pokestopit reblogged team-sprocket
👻 gengaydar Follow
For the last fucking time owning a gengar is NOT graverobbing. what is actually wrong with you people
#gengar #why am i even still on this site #i don't have a gengar but like. what's even going on over there #is marowak graverobbing now too??
💅 deerlinguist reblogged givemeyourstrongestpotion
👩��❤️👩 lightscreend Follow
farfetch'd is like the most edible pokemon just because he comes with his own aromatics. pop that bad boy in the oven with some oran berries.... don't mind if i do
⚧ feministforcepalm Follow
@dyketraining tags pass peer review
🚣🏼♂️ magicarpaltunnel reblogged haxorsus
🐦⬛ corvikite Follow
I love to hate things and people. And when I turn out to be RIGHT and that person is a DICK? All parasocial relationships are bad and evil unless I am right about hating someone and then parasocial relationships are good actually
🪐waterbubbil Follow
We all thought about the same person let's just be honest here....
🎀 contest-winrar Follow
For me it's always going to be people who keep Pokémon without any thought as to their enrichment and needs. You do not need a fucking Arcanine, you live in a studio apartment and don't walk more than a block a day. You think you want a Gardevoir but are you okay with having an unknowable creature reading your thoughts every waking moment of the day? Even while you do... the nasty?
It drives me crazy because people see a Champion and think they have the time, energy, money, and space necessary to raise a Dragon type. Unless you have generational wealth, let me spell it out for you: you do not have the funds for a Dragon type. And yes! Charizard is on that list, guys! You can't even afford to feed yourself!
📯 jessiejustlickme Follow
local tumblr user declares the poors only get rat pokemon. maybe a bug pokémon if we are very good. we must grovel in the streets amen
🎀 contest-winrar Follow
Laugh all you want but I'm serious. I have heard of someone who is living with a MR. MIME like it's her HUSBAND!!!! That's fucking GROSS. These are creatures that TRUST us and NEED us.
Did you know that most Ponyta prefer to be in a herd? Are you going to have the space for that? Did you know that if you don't properly care for certain fire species their flame goes out? Sure, they're cute when they're small: but unless you're a rancher or a Gym Leader... I'm sorry. You're gross to me if you think otherwise. I hate people like that.
And for the record, rat and bug Pokémon are very valuable from an ecological standpoint. They hold an extremely important niche. People like you would rather they be hunted to extinction because they're pests, not pretty. It's disgusting.
🐦⬛ corvikite Follow
anybody in this thread smoke weed
#NOT THE RATS FOR THE POOR PEOPLE... GIRLLLLLL #the thing is they're not like... wrong.... #like i agree with the sentiment #my friend tried to get a slyveon just by like. playing catch a few times #.... like you do need to try.... #also fyi i have a large species so i'm biased #grovyle my baby . my man. u are costing me like so much in pokepuffs per month
👁🗨 badsol
why are we all talking about what pokemon to eat tonight lmafo
#.... obviously jigglypuff. homegirl is 90% cotton candy
🪅 feebassguitar reblogged metrognome
🫖 sinisteacher Follow
Like okay I got into science because I love to learn but the more I find out about how we've classified Pokémon types the more insane I feel. What do you mean there's no singular true indicator? What do you mean that there are several conditions which completely alter their base type?
Literally today my lab partner and I got into a very serious discussion about Luxray. That thing is a fuckking dark type!!!!! I'm sorry!!! I don't care what Bulbapedia says!!!! anyway i threw a pokeball at him and it swallowed him whole and now i'm going to jail for unlawful imprisonment of a TA
🍙 thesandwichking Follow
there's something, like, very dystopian about the idea that if u put an ugly hat on ur favorite little creature it changes like. the DNA. like. do other pokemon look at what you've done and cower? that's their friend... similar but changed... forever having known a life that is entirely alien to them...
🐳 wailordsupreme Follow
.... Are we going to ignore that OP swallowed a human into a ball???
#yes we are. #my friend loves those hats but I think they're so ugly #and stupid #if i wanted a specific type imma get that type..... #typesetting #show james
🧗♀️ backpacksandcavesnacks reblogged eevee-lotion
👑 lemmegrabmyballs Follow
ROUND 5 of 6 (see blog for more)
PLEASE REBLOG FOR VISIBILITY:
✍️ dreepydrabbles reblogged ash-hole
☠️ marrowhackoff Follow
just saw someone say writing omegaverse fanfic of your pokemon is bestiality. ma'am this is the monster fucking site. you should be grateful that it's only omegaverse.
#the things i've seen would melt your eyebrows clean off your face #..... typhlosion they could never make me hate you baby #i know that's not what's in your heart
🪽 honey-tree-skies reblogged gymcrawler
🐛 youngstirjoey Follow
Okay say what you will. But shorts really are comfy and easy to wear
🛀🏽 intimidatecutsyourattack Follow
Sorry bud. But. Investing at 3 notes
🐛 youngstirjoey Follow
don't do this to me. i h avue a wife . and chi ld
#anyway. sorry. it's 1:30 in the morning and the Vibes possessed me.#pokemon#dash simulator#i don't have mobile i hope it still looks good lol#this took me like 3 hours#slightly edited to account for a glitch in spacing
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