#i think I'll stop scrolling Tumblr for a while

[your-average-teenage-mess]

I fucking hate how some people here will be genuinely incapable of wrapping their brains around the cognitive dissonance of people who have believed in or done really bad things also being capable of making good art. If you think this post is a personal attack on you, please block me right now, I have no desire to interact with you.

[pseudowho]

okay here’s me getting all cocky and confident because you answered my ask once (ily for that seriously i think i screamed and fainted and sobbed and climbed up the walls a little) and once again asking you for….. for crumbs………. so my horny self was sitting and thinking…………… nanami sees you reading absolute filth and porn and you end up in biig trouble.. (i.e him doing that exact thing to you 😭) or perhaps you going up to nanami after reading absolute filth and being all needy with him bcs that straight porn made you a liittle…….. yk… 🌚🌚🌚

anyways i literally love you and ur my favorite writer ever and im gonna stop now before i burst

SMUT [smuht] (noun)

In which Nanami Kento catches you reading dirty literature...and punishes you with a performative reading.

Warnings: The anon who keeps targeting me like this needs a warning label...but otherwise: roleplay, erotic literature (*laughs and laughs in Tumblr*) being read to you while you're systematically destroyed, performative Bad!Nanami, Kento fucks you wearing a mask and leather gloves, Pleasure Dom!Kento who gets lost in the sauce, reader way out of her depth, bondage, the usual spicy goodness, couple of cheeky movie references

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The one she knew only as the Man in the Mask swept over to her, delighting in her capture, having evaded him for so long.

"Ahhh..." he sighed, his breath sweeping over the swell of her breasts, and sending shivers down her spine. "Finally...the little mouse who has wreaked havoc on my dreams for too many lonely nights. How does it feel? To be trapped here with me like this?"

Her heart stalled in her chest, and she gasped, his grazing touch to her belly leaving embers in its wake. The Man in the Mask saw her nipples pebble beneath her shirt, and felt something snap inside him as he loomed over her with a whisper; "I know. I feel it too."

With little warning, he lowered his barely covered mouth to her neck, hungry against her, and--

The door opened, and you leapt out of your skin, dropping your phone to the floor. You sat bolt upright in bed, your other hand coming up guiltily from beneath the covers as Kento leaned into the bedroom to greet you. You interrupted him.

"You're home early," you said, offering an unconvincing smile. Kento looked at you, flatly. He let the statement hang for a moment. His shrewd eyes flicked, taking in the glossy subtleties he saw from you only in foreplay.

"...well I thought you'd be pleased, but I'll just go back then shall I--"

You hesitated, words caught in your throat. Your eyes flickered to your phone. So did Kento's. His eyes narrowed.

"...what are you read--"

"Nothing! It's nothing." You lied, unconvincing. You both hesitated for a moment more, before Kento darted. You cursed at him for being faster than you, and Kento's fingers closed around your phone, sitting beside you on the bed in one swift movement. You smothered a pillow over your face, screaming silently, wanting the duvet to grow great maws and swallow you whole.

Kento read silently for a moment, scrolling, before reading aloud; "...she didn't want to fight anymore, as his fingers slid between her puffy lips...goodness me...his cock strained against the fabric of his clothes, begging for attention...I bet it did..."

You had begun to crawl away down the bed, just a maggot, unworthy of the sun and all its glories.

You felt a hand clasp around your ankle, and you squeaked as Kento dragged you back up the bed, without even taking his eyes off your phone.

"I don't think so, where are you going--"

"--oh god Kento just give me something for the cringe and let me die--"

"--no no no I'm blessed to be a part of my wife's interests--"

"--I am less than human, we need a divorce, I can't look you in the eye ever again--"

Kento scoffed, dark and derisive. "As if I'd let you divorce me. As if you'd even want to...now, where did I put that..."

Kento stood, still holding your phone as he rummaged in his dresser. You laid flat to the bed, trying to wiggle away again, still embarrassingly wet, your mortification laced with undeniable arousal.

"Stay exactly where you are, or I'll damn well make you."

You stopped. You looked up at Kento, unusually meek, as he approached you. He stood by the bed, looming and powerful, a god made flesh. He unbuttoned his shirt to the navel, not bothering to remove his harness. He undid his belt with a clink-clink. He let his tie hang loose...and pulled a black balaclava down to beneath his collar. He finished off with a pair of soft, black leather gloves.

Something imploded inside you; a dial-up noise in your mind. Kento prowled over to you, looming over you and chasing you up the bed, caging you beneath him, and reading through the smut on your phone screen.

"Be honest," Kento read aloud, his honey-brown eyes swirling with something altogether darker and more dangerous, "if you'd wanted to escape me...you could have."

You panted, breathless, your pupils blown into inky black as you lay splayed beneath Kento. You couldn't help but be captivated, lost in his insidious pull. You felt your heartbeat between your legs.

"Did you stay because you dream of me, too?" Kento intoned. You bit the poisoned apple, trembling as you nodded up at him. "Did you stay...because you wondered if hatred was as erotic a passion as love?"

"--Kento, I-- let me go, I--"

"That's the spirit." Laughed Kento, his voice booming through you, the vibrations crackling across every nerve, and you whimpered. Kento grasped your hands together with his own, gloved and powerful, pinning them above your head with the whole weight of his body. He pulled his tie loose with the hand holding your phone.

"I can't let you leave...not now. Fuck...you have no idea what you do to me, do you?" Kento growled. Being the villain seemed so effortless to him. Your safe word had never been further from your mind, your attempts to leave so paltry and insincere. The way Kento looked down at you, waiting to see if you would make him stop, sent shivers down your spine. Kento released his tie, eyes skimming across your phone for confirmation.

"I'd apologise, for trapping you here like this..." Kento intoned, tying your bound wrists to the head of the bed as you squirmed, crying out in anguish, "...but I'll show you...how you've craved my touch, just as I have craved yours." You strained against the bonds, in just the silky chemise you wore for bed, and it didn't take much for your breasts to fall free of the fine little straps.

In truth, Kento had never been harder in his life. Seeing you battle against primal desire beneath him, feeling your half-hearted embarrassed squirms brushing your bare mound against his aching, thick cock...and your nipples, hard as diamonds and covered by a thin veneer of lace. His breaths were heavy, chest heaving as he continued his performative reading.

"Just one taste, and we can return to how it was before." Kento groaned, his mouth suckling at your neck, licking, tasting, biting. You cringed against the assault on your senses, afraid to lose yourself to such diabolical pleasure. Kento pinned your bucking hips down with his own, the tip of his cock trapped beneath his waistband against his belly. "Just once...and we can rest easy at night, knowing how it feels for me to spend myself inside you."

You keened, mewling as Kento rested the phone on the pillow beside your head, and took your nipple into his mouth, ragging it around beneath his tongue with a fractured growl. Your head spun with the weight of him, totally captured, so wildly out of control. The suckling pleasure he gave to your nipples, connected in a fine thread to your clit, making it pulse with vicarious bliss.

"I can't...can't take it anymore...Ken--" You moaned, squeaking as his teeth closed in barely hinged warning around your breast.

"Unless it's to tell me to fuck you, I won't have you mewl like a kitten at me any longer." Kento rumbled against your breast, wet with his spit and the marks he left behind as he took what he was owed. "I hope you can take it. I'm...no small man. If you are ruined, after, I know you will bear the scars with grace, just as you have bore your hatred of me."

You were already so steeped in the hot rush of being pleasured, you did not notice how Kento's eyes glowered, lathering down your body and darting occasionally back to your phone. He continued his pilgrimage down your body. Kento growled in frustration at the chemise blocking him, and he rucked it up, spitting curses as you squeaked, wriggling against him.

"At least fight like you mean it." Kento laughed, and you blushed, eyes squeezed shut, mortified by how obviously faked your resistance was. Kento kissed his way down your belly, settling at your mound. He hovered, silent, giving your desperate clit nought but the breath from his lips.

"Do you want my fingers...or my mouth?" You whimpered again, babbling nonsense, such a rough and ruined heroine. Kento laughed again, dark and delicious, raising his mask just enough to free his mouth. "No words? No matter. You shall have both."

With little warning, Kento sunk his tongue between your folds, ragging his mouth and nose from side to side again to bury himself in the heat of you. You cried out as he growled into your heat, hitting a high note as he sunk two thick, gloved fingers into your fluttering pussy, slamming inside all the way to his knuckles.

Kento swore against your pussy, grunting and moaning as he lapped at your clit and entrance with animalistic rage. Quite canonically to his role, his cock wept against his belly, pre-cum leaking down onto his waistband until the fabric was cloying and sticky, the friction against his tip sending him spiralling. He couldn't help but fuck against the bed as you melted beneath him, writhing against his tongue.

Panting, letting his gloved fingers fuck into you and imagining it was his cock instead, Kento chuckled against your clit, at just how easily he had snapped. He pulled his fingers out of you for a moment, wickedly obsessed by the stark contrast of your creamy white arousal on the black leather.

He could smell you on the balaclava, the fabric over his nose soaking with your essence. Kento felt lightheaded with the blooming, heady scent of you. His cock twitched, aching and neglected, and so close to spilling thick spurts of seed all over its owner.

You risked looking down for just a moment. The eyes of a villain pierced through you, as Kento licked his gloves clean, not breaking eye contact once. You whimpered. He laughed, and curled his fingers back into you, continuing his relentless attack on your poor, aching cunt. Your moans reached a fever pitch, and Kento felt the creep of his own orgasm through his belly as he rutted against the bed with total abandon.

"Sing for me." He groaned, lifting your hips off the bed as he knelt, sucking your clit into his mouth in a devastating final move. You tipped violently over the edge, bucking against his tongue and crying his name, a stream of nonsensical babbles. Kento was quite sure you came harder than the girl in the story.

By the time you came back to earth, being licked in slow, languid movements through your peak, you saw Kento kneeling between your legs, stroking his cock in long, jerking pumps.

"You've reduced me to this." Kento forced, his teeth gritted and his mask back in place over his mouth. "To this...this boy, fucking his own fist just from the taste of you." Kento cursed, his gloved fist wet with pre-cum, cracking his neck from side to side and growling through his lurid tale. You lay, fucked out, bound, a fascinated by how Kento's whiskey-rich voice could fill you with fumes, warm and drunk one minute, but cold and piercing the next. You swung, manoeuvred across his harsh dichotomy.

Kento loomed over you, trapping you beneath him again, blocking the light from your eyes, a bad moon rising. "You did this to me." He hissed, accusatory in his possession of you. "You started this sordid fight. But I'll finish it. No more fisting my cock at night just to the thought of you. No more dreaming about bending you to my will."

You felt Kento's tip press through your entrance, thick and insistent enough that you squirmed up the bed, crying out as he yanked you back, his hands closing around your waist. Kento plaited his fingers in your tied hands, the ghost of affection, and readying himself to slam into your quivering heat. He was falling apart, he could barely contain himself, overcome by the raw power of making you pliable, shaping you to his desires--

Kento whispered in your ear, his voice shaking, gravelly; "And when you submit...know that it was entirely your fault."

You felt your delicate petals forced aside, crying out to be filled to the brim by Kento in one slick thrust. Kento could barely suppress a roar beneath his mask, throwing his head back in ecstasy. His enormous hands cuffed your waist, making it squidge down against your hips every time he dragged your hips, moving your pussy around him like a cock sleeve.

Kento's strength made manhandling you look easy. You lay ruined beneath him, your head lolling against the inside of your own bound arm. The image of him unbuttoned, masked, gloved and still almost fully dressed above you, grunting and groaning as he used your pussy for his own pleasure, burned onto your retinas.

Kento barely moved his own hips, his eyes fixed feverishly on where he dragged your swollen pussy around the length of his cock, twitching and burning inside you. He couldn't contain himself. The hook behind his navel, all scorched steel and selfishness, beseeched him to drag his pleasure from you.

"Fucking-- ruin you-- never be satisfied...by another man again-- keep running from me, and I'll hunt you down...and take you like this every-- fucking-- time--"

As Kento's pleasure roared over him, he punctuated his thrusts against your belly with the written word in action. Making nothing more than jolted, pitiful moans as he fucked repeatedly against your sensitive cervix and soft-spot, you clambered for purchase, sobbing your pleasure as his gloved fingers rolled your clit between them.

Kento came with a string of curses, his thighs cramping beneath him with the force of it. Feeling his seed begin to pump and spurt into you, he dragged you aggressively to another orgasm with his leathered fingers. He had to feel you clench around him, sucking his seed deep inside you. He had just enough forethought to recall his final, toxic line as he gasped, groaning and bucking with the force of his ejaculation.

You could barely hear him through the fog of pleasure, faint in the distance; "If you have the nerve...to crawl back to me...full and swollen-- know we can be enemies in matrimony, as well as battle."

The room was hushed and dark, the gloom broken only by your mingled, heavy breaths, and the earthy smell of sex. You reached up pulling Kento's balaclava up and pressing a breathless little kiss at the corner of his mouth.

"...but...we still have to get a divorce. I just-- couldn't live with you knowing what I read--"

Kento laughed, his shoulders aching from the weight of the villain, slipping away with his gloves and mask.

[cassianig]

-When we're older-

Manjiro Mikey Sano - words: 558 warnings: none

“(Y/N).”

“...”

“(Y/N)..”

“..”

“(Y/N)!”

“Huh?”

“Pay attention to me.” Mikey whines and throws his body onto the bed, his bottom lip jutted out.

Your boyfriend was impatient. You knew this. Why had you even tried to scroll through Instagram while he was in your presence? Simply because he was on his phone, his nose so deep in the thing you didn’t want to bother him.

“I thought you were on your phone.” You state and your eyes flick from his black ones to the device that sat in your hand, which obviously annoyed him.

He lets out a whine, his body scooting closer to yours. He throws his head into your lap, his arms wrapping around your waist. He glances up at you, his bottom lip still jutted out, his dark eyes are on your face, and when you finally look at him he catches your gaze. “I was, but now I want you to pay attention to me.”

You click off your phone and set it off to the side, raising an eyebrow as you reach one of your hands out and push his blonde hair out of his face. He lets out a hum and throws his legs out his arms tightening on your waist, one of his hands reaching down to slide into your shirt— his shirt, his nimble fingers running along your side.

“Play with it more.” He demands quietly, his head turning to lay on your thigh. So you do, running your fingers into the mess it had become through the day. Your fingers work through his hair, twirling the strands before your fingers crawl their way up to his scalp and start to massage it. He lets out a satisfied soft sigh and closes his eyes.

“Good?” You question, not once pausing your movements.

“Yeah.”

“...”

“...”

It’s quiet for a while. The only sounds are his and your breathing, his had become shallow and you figured he had started to fall asleep where he lay. His eyes were closed and his movement on your side had also stopped. Still your fingers continued to lightly massage his scalp.

Not too long later your fingers crawl to his cheek, your other stopping its movement as you glance down at him. 

His eyes flick open and his eyes find yours quickly, his pout returns and he whines, “Why’d you stop?”

“Thought you fell asleep.” You whisper leaning down to place a kiss on his nose before you pull back.

He tilts his head to the side, “Don’t stop.”

Your fingers return to his scalp and you start your actions again. You sigh lightly and he closes his eyes again, his pout disappearing.

It’s silent for a while again, but he breaks it, speaking up as his eyes open again looking at you. “When we’re older…” He pauses and his eyes search yours before he continues, “Do you think we’ll get married?”

You tilt your head. “Probably.”

He smiles, “Good, I want to marry you.”

You smile back at him leaning down to place a kiss on his forehead.

“I'll ask you.” He admits, “When we’re older, I’ll ask you to marry me.”

You lean back and stare into his dark eyes, “I’ll  be waiting.”

He hums out and closes his eyes again. “You’ll never get rid of me..”

“Wouldn't have it any other way.” 

--------

I learned things kinda ill master tumblr one day.

[brotherconstant]

GIFMAKING TUTORIAL: PHOTOPEA (for Windows)

Screencapping

Gif Width/Size Limit/Ezgif

Loading Frames

Cropping and Resizing

Rasterize/Make Frames

Sharpening

Coloring (not detailed. Links to other tutorials included)

Exporting

Obligatory Mentions: @photopeablr ; @miwtual ; @benoitblanc ; @ashleysolsen Definitely check out these blogs for tips, tutorials and resources, they're a gold mine. Finally I recommend browsing the PHOTOPEA TUTORIAL / PHOTOPEA TUTORIAL GIF tags. DISCLAIMER: English is not my first language and I'm not an expert on what I'm going to discuss, so if anything's unclear feel free to drop another ask.

1. SCREENCAPPING -> PotPlayer (the one I use) or MVP or KMPlayer

INSTALL PotPlayer (tutorial)

Play your movie/episode and press Ctrl + G. The Consecutive Image Capturer window will pop up. Click Start to capture consecutive frames, Stop when you got what you needed.

Where it says "Image Type -> Format" I recommend picking PNG, for higher quality screencaps.

To access the folder where the screencaps are stored, type %appdata% in windows search, open the PotPlayerMini64 folder (or 32, depending on your system) and then the Capture folder. That's where you'll find your screencaps.

Admittedly MVP is a lot faster but I prefer Potplayer because it generates (at least in my case) higher quality screencaps. MVP kind of alters the hue and it made it harder for me to color my gifs. Still, if you're interested in how to use it, I recommend this tutorial.

As for KMPlayer, every tutorial out there is outdated and I couldn't figure out the new version of the software.

2. GIF WIDTH/HEIGHT, SIZE LIMIT, EZGIF OPTMIZER

At this point you should already know how big your gifs are going to be. Remember the ideal gif width(s) on tumblr are 540 px / 268 px / 177 px. These specific numbers take into account the 4 px space between the gifs. No restrictions on height. Here are some examples:

You can play around with the height (177x400, 177x540, 268x200, 268x268, 268x350, 268x400, 540x440, 540x500, 540x540 etc) but if you go over the 10 MB limit you'll either have to make your gifs smaller/delete some frames.

OR you can go on ezgif and optimize your gif, which is usually what I do. The quality might suffer a little, but I'm not really (that) obsessed with how crispy my gifs look, or I'd download photoshop.

Depending on the gif size, you can decrease the compression level. I've never had to go over 35. It's better to start at 5 (minimum) and then go from there until you reach your desired ( <10mb) gif size. Now that I think about it I should have included this passage at the end of the tutorial, I guess I'll just mention it again.

3. LOAD YOUR FRAMES

File -> Open... -> Pick one of your screencaps. The first one, the last one, a random one. Doesn't matter. That's your Background.

File -> Open & Place -> Select all the frames (including the one you already loaded in the previous passage) you need for your gif and load them.

(I recommend creating a specific folder for the screencaps of each gif you're going to make.)

WARNING: When you Place your screencaps make sure the Crop tool is NOT selected, especially if you've already used it and the width/height values have been entered. It will mess things up - I don't know why, could be a bug.

You can either select them all with Ctrl+A or with the method I explained in the ask: "when you want to select more than one frame or all frames at once select the first one, then scroll to the bottom and, while pressing Shift, select the last one. this way ALL your frames will be selected".

WARNING: Depending on how fast your computer is / on your RAM, this process may take a while. My old computer was old and slow af, while my new one can load even a 100 frames relatively fast, all things considered. Even so, I recommend ALWAYS saving your work before loading new frames for a new gif, because photopea might crash unexpectedly. Just save your work as often as you can, even while coloring or before exporting. Trust me, I speak from experience.

Now you can go ahead and delete the Background at the bottom, you won't need it anymore.

4. CROPPING AND RESIZING

Right now your screencaps are still smart objects. Before rasterizing and converting to frames, you need to crop your gif.

Technically you can rasterize/convert to frames and then crop, BUT if you do it in that order photopea will automatically delete the cropped pixels, even if you don't select the "Delete Cropped Pixels" Option. Might be another bug, unclear. Basically, if you crop your gif and then realize you cropped a little too much to the left or the right, you can go ahead, select the Move Tool (shortcut: V) and, after selecting ALL YOUR FRAMES, move them around on your canvas until you are satisfied. You won't be able to do this if you rasterize first and then crop, the excess pixels will be deleted. I don't know why, I found out by accident lol.

CROPPING

(Cropped pixels: the gray/opaque area outside of the selected area. That area disappears once you press enter and crop, but the pixels are retained, so you can move the frames around and reposition them as you like. In this case I could move the frames to the left and include Silver's figure [curly guy in the foreground] in the crop)

After deleting the Background, you will need to select all your frames (using the Shift key), use the C shortcut on your keyboard to choose the Crop tool. Or you can click on it, whatever's more convenient. Once you do that, a dropdown menu is going to appear. You need to select the "FIXED SIZE" option, as shown in the following screencap.

Once you do that, you can type in your desired width and height. Do not immediately press enter.

Your work area should now look like this. Now you can click on one of the white squares and enlarge the selected area until the edges are lined up. You can then move it around until it covers the area you wish to gif.

WARNING: to move the big rectangle around, you're gonna have to click on a random point of the work area, PREFERABLY not to close to the rectangle itself, or you might accidentally rotate it.

See? When your cursor is close to the selected area it turns into this rotating tool. Move it away until it reverts to your usual cursor, then you can start moving the rectangle. Press Enter when you're satisfied with the area you selected.

RESIZE

This isn't always necessary (pretty much never in my case) - and it's a passage I often forget myself - but it's mentioned in most of the tutorials I came across over the years, so I'd be remiss if I didn't include it in mine. After cropping, you'll want to resize your image.

IMAGE -> Image Size...

This window will pop up. Now, should the values in the Width and Height space be anything other than 540 and 400 (or the values you entered yourself, whatever they might be) you need to correct that. They've always been correct in my case, but again. Had to mention it.

5. RASTERIZE & MAKE FRAMES

Now that your screencaps are cropped, you can go ahead and convert them.

LAYER -> Rasterize (if you skip this passage you won't be able to Sharpen (or use any filter) on your frames at once. You'll have to Sharpen your frames one by one.

Photopea doesn't feature a timeline and it's not a video editor, which makes this passage crucial. When you select all your smart objects and try to apply a filter, the filter will only by applied to ONE frame. Once you rasterize your smart objects and make them into frames, you can select them all and sharpen them at once. Unfortunately this also means that you won't be able to - I don't know how to explain this properly so bear with me - use all smart filters/use them in the same way a photoshop user can. For example, you can sharpen / remove noise / add noise / unsharp mask... but you can't act on those filters in the same way a photoshop user can. When you work on smart objects you can change the blend mode - which is critical if you decide to use a filter like High Pass. If you simply apply a high pass filter on photopea you won't be able to change the blend mode and your gif will look like this (following screencaps). Or rather, you will be able to change the blend mode by clicking on the little wheel next to "High pass" (circled in green in the 2nd screencap), but you'll have to apply the filter to each frame manually, one by one.

Then you can rasterize/make into frames, but it's extremely time consuming. I did it once or twice when I first started making gifs and it got old pretty soon haha.

Layer -> Animation -> Make frames. This passage will add "_a_" at the beginning of all your frames and it's what allows you to make a (moving) gif. As I said in the ask, if you skip this passage your gif will not move.

6. SHARPENING

Some people prefer to color first and sharpen later, but I found that sharpening filters (more or less) dramatically alter the aspect of your gif and already brighten it a bit (depending on your settings) and you may end up with an excessively bright gif.

Now, sharpening settings are not necessarily set in stone. The most popular ones are 500/0.4 + 10/10, which I use sometimes. But you may also need to take into account the quality of the files you're working with + the specific tv show you're giffing. I've been using different settings for pretty much every tv show I gif, especially in the last couple months. Some examples:

followed by

OR

AMOUNT: 500% RADIUS 0.3px followed by AMOUNT: 20% (or 10%) RADIUS 10px

You'll just need to experiment and see what works best for your gifs.

Some gifmakers use the UNSHARP MASK filter as well (I think it's pretty popular among photopea users?) but it makes my gifs look extra grainy, makes the borders look super bright and it clashes with my coloring method(s), so I use it rarely and with very moderate settings. Something like this:

Again, depends on the gif and on what you like. I've seen it used with great results by other gifmakers!

REDUCE NOISE

Sometimes - and this is especially the case for dark scenes - your gif may look excessively grainy, depending on how bright you want to make it. Reducing noise can help. Keep it mind, it can also make it worse and mess up the quality. BUT it also reduces the size of your gif. Obviously, the higher the settings, the more quality will suffer.

These are my standard settings (either 2/70% or 2/80%). It's almost imperceptible, but it helps with some of the trickier scenes.

ADDING NOISE

Adding noise (1% or 2% max) can sometimes help with quality (or make it worse, just like reduce noise) but it will make your gif so so so much bigger, and occasionally damage the frames, which means you won't be able to load your gif on tumblr, so I rarely use it.

You'll also want to create ACTIONS which will allow you to sharpen your gifs much faster.

HOW TO CREATE AN ACTION ON PHOTOPEA

The Action Button (shaped like a Play button as you can see in the following screencaps) may not be there if you're using photopea for the first time. If that's the case click on the magnifiying glass next to "Account" (in red) and type "actions". Press Enter and the button should immediately show up.

Once you do that, click on the Folder (circled in yellow)

and rename it however you like.

now click on New Action (circled in red). now you can press the Recording button (circled in green)

Now

FILTERS -> Smart Sharpen

and you can enter your values. Then you repeat this passage (WITHOUT pressing rec, WITHOUT pressing new action or anything else, you just open the smart shapen window again) and, if you want, you can sharpen your gif some more (10%, 10px, or anything you want.)

Maybe, before creating an action, experiment with the settings first and see what works best.

When you're satisfied, you can PRESS STOP (it's the rec button, which is now a square) and you can DOWNLOAD your action (downwards facing arrow, the last button next to the bin. Sorry, forgot to circle it) .

You need to download your action and then upload it on your photopea. When you do, a window will pop up and photopea will ask you whether you wish to load the action every time you open the program. You choose "Okay" and the action will be loaded in the storage.

When you want to sharpen your gif, you select all your frames, then you click on the Play button, and select the Action, NOT the folder, or it won't work.

Actions can also be created to more rapidly crop and convert your frames, but it doesn't always work on photopea (for me at least). The process is exactly the same, except once you start recording you 1) crop your gif as explained in step 4, 2) convert into frames. Then you stop the recording and download the action and upload it. This won't work for the Rasterize step by the way. Just the Animation -> Make Frame step.

7. COLORING

Now you can color your gif. I won't include a coloring tutorial simply because I use a different method for every tv show I gif for. You normally want to begin with a brightness or a curve layer, but sometimes I start with a Channel Mixer layer to immediately get rid of yellow/green filters (there's a tutorial for this particular tool which you will find in the list I mention in the link below)

[Plus I'm not really an authority on this matter as my method is generally... fuck around and find out. Two years of coloring and I still have no idea what I'm doing. 70% of the time.]

Simple Gif Coloring for Beginners -> very detailed + it includes a pretty handy list of tutorials at the bottom.

8. EXPORTING

Now you can export your gif. Some gifmakers export their (sharpened) gifs BEFORE coloring and then load the gifs on photopea to color them. I'm not sure it makes any difference.

FILE -> EXPORT AS -> GIF

(not colored, just sharpened)

As you can see, unlike photoshop the exporting settings are pretty thread bare. The only option available is dither - it sometimes help with color banding - which, and I'm quoting from google for maximum clarity:

"refers to the method of simulating colors not available in the color display system of your computer. A higher dithering percentage creates the appearance of more colors and more detail in an image, but can also increase the file size."

SPEED

When you export your gif, it will play at a very decreased speed (100%). I usually set it at 180/190%, but as for every other tool, you might want to play around a little bit.

GIF SIZE/EZGIF OPTIMIZER (See Step 2)

And that's it.

P.S.: worth repeating

Save your work as often as you can, even while coloring or before exporting.

[littlest-bugz]

The Collective You

[one system's brief advice about accepting the idea of the collective you]

One of the best pieces of system advice started from a tumblr post and was elaborated by my DID specialist. I can't find the original tumblr post that started it, so I'm making a little post of my own <3 Share the knowledge. and also hope that someone can link the original post lol.

When I was REALLY going through it™ with my first diagnosis w/ DID, and a lack of integration, all of my alters felt like separate individuals, some of us feeling as distanced as a coworker or a stranger altogether. We were just getting a grasp on internal communication between all of our subsystems, and it was rough. We felt so entirely differentiated that we were our own people trapped in one body. While I don't really care about what language you use, all alters in CDDs are a part of one person [there's only one body and brain]- the collective you.

So obvs, I'm scrolling tumblr like the chronically online doomscroller that I am, and I see this post that goes along the line of not knowing who you are, but knowing you are 'you', regardless of who you are [referring to alters]. And it said something like "we're all me enough to pick up our meds"- something like that. iirc it was a half light hearted, half advice post, but that was really good advice for me. I kind of internalized it after I processed it in therapy. It's actually why I have started to love parts language lately tbh.

After further processing this idea in therapy, Identity Confusion stopped mattering in the grand scheme of things. I focused less on worrying about who I was, and just focused on the fact that I'm me. Just like the post I saw- We are all me. The example of all being me enough to pick up my medications just applied, like, everywhere. Even when it came down to the smallest things- with coping with other symptoms too.

Oh? I don't like coffee right now? I guess I should switch to something else. [differentiated alters]

Oh? I have barely any drawing skills right now? Okay, really sucks but I can work on something else and come back to it later. [skill variance between alters]

Oh? I have to go to a doctor's appointment? I know I'll forget that- Gotta write a list, and put it up on the board so I remember. [day to day amnesia]

You know what happened? My dissociation got better! Not immediately or entirely, obviously, and my memory [re amnesia] still sucks, but that's part of the disorder- plus other disorders that I have. This idea of the collective you is something that I think is really beneficial to all CDD systems, especially during the mid to later stages of recovery.

I, admittedly, credit most of my healing to conversations I have had with my DID specialist. Especially since, without her, I wouldn't have been able to process this idea of the collective me further, but the conversation wouldn't have been started if I hadn't seen that post on tumblr. This was a budding concept with us due to the separation we had. It helped with integration. GRANTED... Not every alter got the memo, obviously, but It's something that I'm still working on. Of course, being me comes with the prerequisite that I am a person with DID, and that I am made up of multiple parts.

Now for the piece of advice I got from my therapist- Though it requires a certain level of knowledge of your own system, such as a list of alters and some identifying info [fav drinks, fav colors, those type of things]. Look at the list of your alters wherever it may be. Just whatever you use for logging your system members. Look for the commonalities between alters. There will be at least some commonalities.

For example; A good 45% of us like bunnies, 45% like cats, and 10% have a liking for other kinds of animals. Using this information, I can pretty much deduce that 1. the collective me loves animals and 2. the collective me likes cats and bunnies especially.

Another example; I looked through our simplyplural, which has a favorite color thing [in ours at least]. By looking through the list, I figured out 1. wow I like literally all colors- my fav color is rainbows and 2. I especially like pink and light blue.

More examples; the list.. THE LIST... I looked through it and saw that a good 90% of us like MONSTER ENERGY DRINKS- of varying flavors, but the common denominator was Ultra Strawberry Dreams, but all of us like [or tolerate] water as a preferred drink. From there I can come to the conclusion that I prefer water over anything else and that I have a problem with monster [being light hearted but I genuinely do].

I hope you get the idea I'm going for. I used this process for nearly every aspect of our collective identity, though some had to genuinely be voted on, such as our LGBTQIA+ labels [offline, we just call ourself queer, but that's.. aside the point LMAO].

Obviously, there are going to be outliers- Having DID comes with the fun [/s] aspect of alters being differentiated from each other in some capacity. Example for the monster energy one- We have a handful of alters that HATE energy drinks- even just fizzy drinks in general. There's one guy who will only drink Black Coffee and water- nothing else. He's the guy who is always hiding away our monsters in the way back of the fridge, but guess what!! He's me!! The part of me that doesn't want me to ruin my health over energy drinks. The part of me that knows I deserve better than my unhealthy habits.

Getting to know the collective you is just like learning about your system! It is not inherently different than figuring out what an alters dislikes or likes are. The idea of The Collective You shouldn't feel scary or anxiety inducing- if it is, you may want to confront those feelings with a therapist if you have access to one. Every CDD system is the collective [or, well, system] of one fragmented individual- That is a studied and objective fact. I wanted to give advice from one recovering system to another.

No, this will not work for everyone, every system is different, but I'm hoping this post finds the right audience in knowing that it's worth a shot to try this!

[stars-for-circe]

Circe's Most Frequented 🤍🤍🤍

My favourite authors over many different fandoms, for your indulgence.

@astralnymphh - TLOU, sapphic, shakespeare reborn

𖣂 There is no one else who could begin this list except for you tbh. One of the first authors I ever followed on this app and your work has never failed to blow me away; from your beautifully paced works that never run out of new prompts and tropes that you always nail, to your crazy big words you scavenged from wordhippo and managed to intergrate perfectly into your fics. To the Ellie Williams enthusiasts, give her fics a read and I promise it will change the trajectory of your lives forever. And don't be afraid to send her an ask, because she will quite literally craft a masterpiece.

𖣂 My recommendation: 'The Salvo Project'

@vifilms - TLOU, sapphic, she makes tumblr formatting her bitch

𖣂 At first it was your witty drabbles, then you graduated to 10k fics that take everyone's breath away. The way you can turn a single tiny idea into such a detailed work while also integrating the essence of each character you write into every single paragraph never fails to amaze me every time you appear on my feed. With your constantly changing layouts, and your beautifully crafted fic headers that show just how much of your heart goes into everything you put onto this app, you keep raising the bar again and again.

𖣂 My recommendation: 'Long Night, Long Ride'

@sweetercalypso - TLOU, multi

𖣂 Also one of my first follows, I remember quite clearly scrolling through the Abby Anderson tag on ao3 and being so blown away that I basically did a cartwheel when I saw you on tumblr. Your fics are the perfect late-night fix that are to-the-point, and your drabbles are filled with every trope anyone could even think up. And I'll shamelessly admit that reading your fics definitely moved Joel up quite a few slots in who I liked most within tlou.

𖣂 My recommendations: 'Texas Hold 'Em' + 'Uncharted Territory'

@the-kr8tor - Spiderverse, f/m, sfw

𖣂 I gotta say, this third movie needs to speed up so more people can come here and see how well you write for the spiderverse. Finding you in the tags was like a breath of fresh air, and your series works have kept me up at night on more than one occasion because of their binge-worthy goodness! From the adorable drabbles of Billie and Ramona, to the ups and downs that come with being a pirate, your works keep me invested even in the first, second....twenty-something times I've reread them.

𖣂 My recommendation: 'Our Place In The Middle Of Nowhere'

@s-4pphics - TLOU, Arcane, sapphic

𖣂 I hope you know that when you released 'The Call', it kept me up at night. Seriously, you're a genius. Maybe this style has been written before but it's the first time I've seen it. And amidst all the Sevika and Vi works that were being pumped out after the release of season 2, that fucking gem was put on my feed and it genuinely blew my mind. It was the perfect combination of crack-style fic and dark humour, coming together to make this smutty, hilarious, jaw dropping fic that had me pacing around my room a couple times - one of my favourites of all time.

𖣂 My recommendation, obviously: 'The Call'

@taintandviolent - Ahs, f/m, multi-fandom extraordinaire

𖣂 First of all, your username is fucking genius. Like actually, it had me saying it out loud and having such an OHHH moment and now I can't stop thinking about how cool it is. Secondly, if anyone has a taste for dark, gritty, horror infused tropes, or loves anything Evan Peters just like I do, her blog is the way to go. Her page is unapologetically for the monster-loving girlies who 'can fix him', and there's a little bit in there for every fandom that finds her. You're one of my favourite authors to send requests to, and you have definitely made me see Bill Skarsgard in a different light as of recent. 𖣂 My recommendation: 'Ouija Board’

[somniseeker]

“ding!” [ undertale x reader ]

series masterlist : [here] | chapter one

summary: you can’t sleep, and at 3:49 AM, a notification pulls you into a mysterious group chat called UnderChat. the members—quirky and chaotic sans au’s like ink, fresh, and error—welcome you as their newest recruit, insisting you’re from an alternate universe. confused but curious, you hesitate to believe them, wondering if you’ve stumbled into the strangest roleplay or something more.

3:49 AM

That was the time, obviously. You were not catching a wink of sleep tonight, even though those eyes of yours were pratically burning at this point. Blinking at the bright light which popped up when you clicked a notifaction. "DING!" echoed the phone on full volume: You were just about to scroll through tumblr aud—

Oh.

Oh. . 

You've been added to a groupchat.

Immediately sitting up you rubbed your eyes, curiousity gleaming in them.

UnderChat 

You don't remember downloading that app. . Perhaps you accidentally clicked on one of those explicit advertisements on accident while reading on pirated websites, that seems like a plausible explanation. Still doesn't explain why you're recieving notifactions saying your in a groupchat. A groan escaped your lips as you clicked the notifaction, although accepting the fact this was some sort of call-out cancel groupchat, an accidental add, or it's fake and it's a virus. Probably the latter.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

[ SLEEPRLUVR has joined the group ]

FunkN'Fresh: wellllp ill be diddly darn darned we gots a new funky fresh membah?

GlitchBitch: Stop typing like that.

FunkN'Fresh: noo can do funny magic maannnnnnnnn

[ GLITCHBITCH has muted the groupchat ]

FunkN'Fresh: you maaaaaaad.

Ink: Oh! New member yay, Okay so I can explain this as your probably confused sans!

Ink: Eheh, "how do you know my name" you might ask! wellllp, yknooow the multiverse and all that stuffs? We made a groupchat!

SLEEPRLUVR: what? 

Ink: Okay so a basic run down of how the app works, the three icon's at the side shows you every AU that has joined so far and what their username is - You need to create a profile with yours!

SLEEPRLUVR: what

Ink: Oh— You must still be confused, I'll just do it for you! What AU are you from?

SLEEPRLUVR: what.

Ink: ...

Fell2cool4school: prolly from "what"!tale lmfao

SLEEPRLUVR: no, just wasn't expecting roleplayers in my schedule today. i can do this - what aus are open?

.

.

.

The chat suddenly went dead silent, leaving you staring groggily at your phone, squinting at the screen. You couldn't help but wonder what was going on. Does it really take this long to grab a character masterdoc? It's been a while since you last roleplayed, but this felt off. When the next message finally popped up, you couldn't help but roll your eyes. 

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Ink: Oh, uh... this isn't exactly roleplay, but I get why you'd think that! Anyway, we’ve got a lot of AUs here, so take your pick! Let’s see… there’s Underswap, Underfell, Dancetale, and even some wacky ones like Dusttale and Underlust, but let’s not go there unless you’re into, well, *that* kind of stuff. 

SLEEPRLUVR: ...i’m just going to ignore that last part.

Fell2cool4school: aww c’mon, why skip out on the fun? 😈

SLEEPRLUVR: This is ridiculous. Okay, so let's say I believe this whole “multiverse” thing. Why am I here?

Ink: Well, every AU needs a representative! Think of it like... a council! Each universe gets one member to join the chat, share ideas, keep peace, y’know? And... well, you’re the lucky one picked from your AU!

SLEEPRLUVR: but i don’t even know what AU i’m from. how am i supposed to “represent” it?

FunkN’Fresh: uhhh doesn’t seem too funkay to me, guess they jus got dropped here like a beeboppin’ newbie!

GlitchBitch: Figures. Another clueless one. Just what we needed.

Ink: Don’t mind them! We’ll figure out your AU together! It’s kinda exciting, right?

SLEEPRLUVR: mmm, more like nerve-wracking. can i leave?

Ink: Nope! Once you’re in, you’re in. But don’t worry, we’re all friends here! ...Sort of.

Fell2cool4school: speak for yourself, inkhead. i ain't here to make friends. only enemies. and sometimes frenemies. but mostly enemies.

SLEEPRLUVR: yyyeah, i’m definitely going to regret this. okay, so if I’m stuck here… how do I create this profile thing?

Ink: Just tell me a bit about yourself, and I’ll set it up for you! Favorite color? Likes? Dislikes? Any cool abilities? C’mon, spill!

SLEEPRLUVR: umm… favorite color? any, I guess. Likes? Sleeping. Dislikes? Waking up. Abilities? being normal???

GlitchBitch: Abilities: None. Fitting.

Ink: rainbow, sleeping, normal. Got it! I’ll just make your profile super quick…

FunkN’Fresh: "likez sleeping" heh. typical standard sans bruh.

[INK is typing…]

Ink: Done! Welcome to the UnderChat, SLEEPRLUVR!

SLEEPRLUVR: …i’m going to need a lot of coffee for this, aren’t I?

FunkN’Fresh: forget coffee, maaaaan. get some soda in yer veins, get the funky fresh groove goin’!

GlitchBitch: Or you could just log off and get back to your irrelevant existence. Just saying.

SLEEPRLUVR: …i’m starting to think leaving this group would be the sanest option.

Fell2cool4school: too late for that, buddy. you're one of us now. welcome to the madness.

     You sat on your bed, legs crossed beneath you, staring at the screen with a mixture of bewilderment and curiosity. That was... ermmm, certainly an experience. These people seemed like some serious kinnies or something. You hadn't seen roleplayers this deep in character since the wild days of Danganronpa Kokichi Tumblr drama. You gnawed at the inside of your cheek, debating your next move. You had things to do in the morning, so maybe it would be smart to just get some sleep. But then again—shouldn’t you figure out which AU to be? They didn’t even give you a proper list of what was available!

     You could at least deduce a few things. Obviously, GlitchBitch was the Error Sans of the group, with his snarky, broken-text vibes. Ink was, well, Ink, and FunkN’Fresh was soo stereotypically hippie, it was a dead giveaway who he was supposed to be. But who else was in this group—this "UnderChat" as Ink called it? And how were you supposed to see these profiles they mentioned? The whole thing was making your head spin, trying to figure it out.

     Still, as you finally set your phone down and pulled your covers over you, you couldn't help but feel a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. Yeah, it was weird—being added to some mysterious group chat by what seemed like over-enthusiastic roleplayers—but there was something almost... nostalgic about it. It had been a while since you just sat back and played pretend, no matter how weird the scenario... or old the fandom was.

     Maybe tomorrow you’d hit up the Undertale Wiki and find a cool AU to rp as. After all, if you were going to be stuck here, you might as well have some fun with it.

* A/N: uhm, this was written for ao3 and crossposted on quotev and now we're here. it looks best, imo, on quotev because it comes with extra media!! but im here because ppl can send asks n stuff for extra content of the skellies. please reblog or comment , it helps my motivation

[pamicakery]

˚₊‧꒰ა preparing winter arc ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

It's been a while uh? Since... September I guess. I manifested stuff like food... Basically food and 1k subscribers. Which is nice and

Thank you so much!!! 🩵🩷🩵🩷

Here is a little story. Before I made this page, I've already made many many many tumblr accounts about Loa. Nothing happened. I posted and waited for people to come. I wanted to be popular. But.. No.. I had 5 followers.. Counting myself with.

With Pamicakery, when I created that page.. I felt like my post will be viral if I can put it like this. For me, it was a great idea. No doubts it's gonna flop. I decided. Today I am here sitting with 1k people with me. 1k. I never had so much in my life but I knew. I decided, I told myself that this page is gonna grow. People will come and appreciate what I have to say.

Before the Pamicakery account, I had an Instagram page. I used to post my drawing and nothing happened. For 3 years. Even if I posted, the best I could have got was 5 likes.

I put it as a goal. I want my 100 followers. I want them and I will have them. I affirmed, for days. 3 days I affirmed. Even thought I saw that. For me that 84 will change into a 100.

And here we are 3 days later.

Your life can change In a snap of the fingers.

It's not a lie. This is what a change of mindset do to your 3d. I wasn't destined to keep my 72 followers for the rest of my life. It was a circumstance but I decided that I was above it.

And I was thinking about my appearance and I was like.. How many

2020

2021

2022

2023

2024

Are we gonna be like this? Crying over our desires, seeing summer and winter pass. How many time? Because one day, if you do nothing your Sp will be taken, your job offer will go away. How many time will your scroll on tumblr for the best advice? Are you gonna have epiphany at 60's?

Why do you keep asking '' Can I manifest this or that? ''.

You decide. It's like going in a restaurant and asking another customer if you can order this or that.

Stop seeing your life Scrolling in front of eyes. Years and years are going. We have to be strong, we have to decide and persist.

It's not that bad if you don't believe it but keep persisting in having the thought that you can do it.

Keep thinking it. It will become an assomption.

You are the General and your army follows you. If you think you will fail, you army will think that too.

You don't want to be a loser anymore, you don't want to whine about your circumstances. So do i.

We have only one 2024 in all the history of humanity and you are wasting this. So get up, and train your mind to success, Saturate it with your achievement, be happy because you will succeed, Program your brain to success. Affirm, visualise. The success must be running 24/24 in your mind.

Get up early, if it's hard? Go harder! But never stop, decide. Don't let the 3d making fun of you anymore. If you think it's to hard, you are weak, the 3d will not sugar coat you.

Be stronger, be unstoppable. Shout in your 4d, Roar in your mind, and keep going! Keep going and keep going and keep going. Take 5 minutes and repeat that you will succeed, go to your mind to seek for evidence, persist and never give up.

One day there will be no more 3 days, or a week, or tomorrow. Decide to change today, right now.

-choose.

-see it as a goal.

-The image of your success should be your 4d wallpaper.

-Affirm and Condition Your Brain for Success

-Persist and know that it will change.

-make internal conversation.

-Repeat the thought of you being good at manifesting

LET'S DO THIS WINTER ARC AS MASTERS MANIFESTER.

(I just came here to say that, but then.. I'll put myself in the state of a conqueror, a warrior and a master Manifester. 🐎)

[kai7kh]

Sorry, been dead for a while, will start posting soon

Some long ah talkings below the cut

..................................................................

Sooo , I've been having some difficult times in these past few weeks, it's about anxiety and my art.

I've been very hard on myself about my art and about how much attention they get, i tried to make all of them as perfect as I can draw so they would be seen. whenever I'm posting i feel SO much anxiety about how others are gonna see them, so much that i sometimes get stomachaches..

I've been drawing all day in all days and wanted to be like the artists I like, began studying their art styles in most of my time, but drawing began feeling more like a struggle rather than being fun. So it stopped me from drawing for awhile and it makes me kinda scared to post again

Recently, I was scrolling through in some of my favorite artists blog here in Tumblr (I'm too shy to call them out, but they're popular!) i saw that not all of their art gets lot of attention/likes but they are still the BEST and they got so much fans. The arts that hadn't so much likes were usually the low effort ones and they were about their expressions (like memories, opinions, talks, silly doodles and stuff). It kinda made me think, they seem so confident and they are having fun posting their arts whether it's low effort art or high effort art. I want to be like that

Im going to try reduce my anxiety and not think so much about how my drawings turn out, I'll try to enjoy the process more , like what I used to be like before i began posting online

Alsooo I'll be making some changes to this blog.

I may draw low effort art more often, I'll start rebloging others art here again(i want to show appreciations about how amazing their art are but I'm too scared to make connections with them), I may also post about none art related things (drawing is only 1 of my hobbies, maybe I'll share about things i learn in psychology , it's the degree i chose for collage) sometimes I may post writings or drawing about my personal stuff (like my thoughts, life struggles and stuff), I'll try to be more expressive, im kinda scared but i think it will help me reduce my anxiety and help me be myself. After all this app IS meant for people to have fun in it and i seem to forget that all the times

[quietstormxr]

Ok, I need to get this out before we have Onyx Storm out on Tuesday.

If you are in the camp that Violet does no wrong, you may not enjoy. But, if not, I need someone to hear me out, so you're it beautiful people of Tumblr.

I need to know why in IF Violet cannot let go of the 'I don't know him' bull. Like girl, you asked I believe 3 personal questions the entire time of FW. How pray tell did you think you would get to know him after 3 questions?!?

You have a mind link. You can chat as if a cellphone is attached to your brain all damn day and night.

It's been a while since I've been in the dating scene, but when you were/are falling for someone, don't you want to know everything about them personally? More than just sibling count, favorite food, and where you were on one particular night.

I could honestly think of about 10 questions that would have been open-ended enough that could have gotten that man to talk. What about his favorite color? Favorite childhood memory? His dad is a sore spot, ask about favorite place he visited? What did he want to be when he grew up?

Did you never talk while training on the mat? While flying? You just spent every hour with the man in an instructional way or lusting after him???

In IF, it was a big deal that the cadre was keeping them apart, however, besides when her squad was drugged for RSC, why couldn't they talk mind to mind in Samara? You mean to tell me he blocked you out and didn't get any breaks for food to chit chat when he was on 24hr duty?

The first time he came back to Basgiath, he sharpened weapons and it seemed like there was a several hour time lapse. What did you do just stare at each other?

And I'm aware Xaden could've asked things too. But he wasn't the one making a big deal out of 'I need information to center myself'.

The man starts writing you letters and you have no damn questions for him, even after the letters.

Bodhi mentions Cat, but how long does it take for her to bring it up. If it were me, that would have been the first thing out of my mouth when I saw him next.

Sometimes it just frustrates me how it's always about Violet's attraction to Xaden physically, but I feel a lack in the actual pull just for the man he is because she never asks about him - even before the end of FW.

Don't get me wrong, I know Violet's going through it and she's got a lot to make sense of. If anything, getting to know him better would take your mind off of everything else going on.

On top of that, her mom is a General, she should be more than aware that she can't know every single detail. Brennan even told her the Assembly kept things from Xaden, so he didn't know everything. She isn't new to the military life, and between the scroll that drops and the missives in her mom's office they never hear of, it should be clear they are getting a very watered down version of everything going on.

Just ugh....I'll stop there. If you've read this far, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, just needed to get that out. Also, another snippet will be coming out tomorrow!

[mossy-rock-in-a-field]

My Elderly Mother Plays Baldur's Gate: Part 4

If you're not up to date on the saga, my mom is having me play Baldur's Gate 3 on her behalf because she has trouble using controllers/keyboards but still wants to "smooch the wizard boy." She is playing a neutral good wood elf druid; this is a detailed account of her crimes. Part 1 & 2 Part 3

Hey, everybody! Thanks to everyone who followed my blog to keep up with my mom's adventures. Also, shout-out to whoever called my mom "Crime Mom" last time I posted about this; she really got a kick out of that. We played for a full day yesterday so we could really get into Act III and make some progress.

Here are the atrocities she committed during yesterday's play session:

My mom is very pissed that she cannot keep Myshka the white cat. When she found Myshka, she told him that she was his mother because of course she did. Naturally, Myshka started following her around the city after that, and she was SO thrilled about it. However, when we went back to camp to trade out a companion and immediately came back to the city, the cat wasn't following her anymore, and my mom was so fucking upset. ("That boy thinks I'm his mother and I LEFT HIM! Why can't I take my son back to my camp with us?") My mom told me to tell my "tumblr friends" that Myshka should be able to join our camp like Scratch and the owlbear cub. So, if any of you guys are from Larian—take notes, I guess. My mother demands a cat son.

Upon seeing Mystra for the first time in the Stormshore Tabernacle cutscene, my mom immediately said in the bitterest voice imaginable, "I'm prettier than her." She is, of course, right. Fuck Mystra, all my homies hate Mystra.

When we found the Hag Survivors Group, my mom asked me if she could try combat for the first time, and she actually started to get the hang of it. ("Left bumper, mom. No, that's the trigger. BUMPER. Other left. There you go.") However, she didn't fully understand what "area of effect" meant and decided to cast Fireball ("Ooh, I've always wanted to use that one!") in an enclosed space before I could stop her. She instantly incinerated Mayrina, the floorboards, and the paladin, Adrielle. I was so fucking proud of her but also laughing so hard I was nearly in tears. She had me reload the save for her.

My mom returned the stolen money to the Counting House's head banker, then asked me to rob the rest of the building on our way out. When I asked her about the logic of this particular decision, she said, "We're saving the city from mind flayers, so these funds are really going back into the local economy when you think about it. We're a great cause!" I have no idea why she didn't just keep the stolen pouch of money in the first place. We wasted so many scrolls and Arrows of Transposition to get everything out of those vaults.

She was FURIOUS when she found out Auntie Ethel wasn't actually dead. My dad called in the middle of the day to check in on dinner plans and mom kept him on the phone for at least ten minutes while she ranted about hags who "should stay dead when they're told to."

My mom adores Jaheira. The two of them are very similar to each other, so I think she gets a kick out of seeing Camp Mom do Camp Mom things that she would do if she were actually in the game. My mom also loves Minsc and Boo. TASTE.

Don't know how soon my mother will come back for another play session, but I'll keep you guys updated whenever I can! She has already asked me if I would DM a D&D session for her retired friends, so I'm trying to find time to do that. Maybe I'll do some updates on that if we get it going.

Thank for everyone's support! Crime Mom and I appreciate it.

[cosmicjoke]

Alright folks, here we have yet more evidence that 7m7n7 is a completely unhinged freak show of epic proportions. They don't even deny the fact that they're the one sending my and of course numerous other Levi blogs the literal most vile shit imaginable while hiding behind anon, accusing me of being a "misogynistic man" while calling me a "cunt" and claiming to be a straight woman while also calling me a "fag", and yet they somehow think this is a win for them. Anyway, they've really stepped in it now. They flat out admit in the tags of one of the screenshots that they want to send me and others death threats. I'm posting this so everyone can be aware of who this person is and how they operate. I'll also be sending all of this to the admins on here. They have numerous other accounts here on tumblr, which is how they kept sending me anon hate, despite me blocking this particular account and several others. It's beyond amusing how they accuse me of being the one to "start shit" and of being "obsessed" when they confess to having a post "about me" that they've had saved in their drafts for months, lol, and when they're the one that's been attempting to harass me for months on end, literally stalking me on tumblr, on twitter (the one time I went on there to participate in a Levi themed event) and on a03, lol. Anyway, have a gander folks, and remember, if we all report this lunatic to admin, it's 100% possible to get them banned.

And by the way @7m7n7, just you wait. There's plenty of evidence of the shit you've said about Levi and Eren on twitter. It's all going to come to light, soon enough. Further, if you think I blocked you because I can't "counter" the pure bullshit you spew, then you're even dumber than I realized. I blocked you because I don't have the time to get into back and forth exchanges with a person who's intellectual capacity is equivalent to a puddle of piss and who displays the kind of unhinged, obsessive, hateful and deviant paranoia that you do. I don't have to defend or explain why I have no interest in talking to or reading the drivel of someone who makes a habit of sending people death threats, threatening to doxx people, calling people racist, misogynistic, homophobic and ableist slurs, and who regularly tells anyone who disagrees with their blatantly repulsive takes that they should kill themselves. That's why I blocked you. You're a worthless, vile, disgusting garbage dump of a human being and you aren't worth my or anyone else's time. I would rather get a hole drilled into my skull than have to actually converse with you. It would be a more productive use of my time.

If anyone wants to actually see the exchange we had on a03, too, instead of taking this moron's word for what I supposedly did and didn't say, here's a link. Just scroll down to the comments section and have a look:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37903426/chapters/94653316

By the way, I have zero issue with "dom Levi". People can ship Levi in whatever ways they please, it's no skin off my back.

What I have an issue with is people portraying Levi as some psychopathic, pedophilic rapist, sullying his character with these absurdist takes, and insisting it's "canon", and then trying to harass, threaten and bully you non-stop on anon in an attempt to drive you from the fandom simply for pushing back on this frankly repulsive mischaracterization by talking about Levi's core characteristics of compassion, empathy and kindness.

And just to address their asinine accusation about me "getting off" on the idea of Levi being raped or tortured, anyone who knows me on here, and particularly, anyone who's actually read my work, will know that I never portray or frame these fictional scenarios in a light meant to titillate or fetishize said scenarios. I write about them within the context of exploring and understanding the brutal and tragic reality of physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse, in an attempt to engender a greater understanding and compassion in my readers for victims of these crimes. I never write smut which depicts rape fantasies or in any way romanticizes or glamorizes the act of rape. This bozo looks at my tags and just assumes I'm writing smut. That never has been and never will be what I do with these particular issues or subject matter.

[sweetmariihs2]

Someone in the STF fandom is spreading lies and harassing me ‼️this will be a long post

TW: harassment, c*dfia/cedfia, self harm and suicide. I think the self harm and suicide mentions are fake, but it still can trigger someone so let me put this here.

I'm sorry for writing mistakes, my mind is faster than my typing

I'm going to divide this by titles and topics because this situation is huge.

Some time ago i had a discussion about cedric's age with a blog that didn't had anything in it, not a pfp or other posts, which makes me think that it's a backup blog for someone who wants to send free hate and don't be held responsible for this

The person was very rude and got really upset because I used good arguments about the topic, and they kept reblogging and fighting every single time, I was already tired of it. Then in the last reblog I said "please stop, i'm going to block you" with hopes that this person would understand how rude they were being, but then they accused me of harassment????

This is the person and that's the post i'm talking about:

At first it was a light discussion about Cedric the sorcerer's age, but then the person started to get really rude out of nowhere. I think they didn't liked me because I used good arguments and that made them stressed, I don't know. I went with it because internet fights are common and didn't liked the way I was being treated by them. Everyone in the STF fandom here on tumblr is very nice and polite

I recorded it because there's no way I'm taking so many screenshots. You can pause to read if you want. This situation is so stupid

And that's it, after they said that I blocked them.

They started saying something about harassment, no one said anything about that. The ending really pisses me off because I spent all the dozens of reblogs showing canon arguments, but ok, this is irrelevant right now. I just know that I told them to stop interacting with me and literally let me be (they were doing this for almost like 2 hours? And never gave up on fighting, everytime I said something they kept on fighting)

I don't know, I think I had hopes that they would magically understand what they were doing. But yeah, of course they didn't, and I blocked them. A friend of mine said I should have blocked them from the beggining without even saying anything, she was right 😐

This person have other posts raging about Cedric's age, they can never forget about this discussion, oh my god. The arguments they used will be later mentioned in this post.

TRIXIESTUFFS/CLOVEREARS

Remember that theory I had about this being a backup blog? While they were blocked, I found some blogs in the fandom that had the same arguments as them and were discussing about this again with different people. One day I was scrolling through Cedric posts as always and then in the comments of other blog, I don't really remember which, there was this person in the comments discussing about cedric's age and using the same arguments, specially the "when they were children cedric looked a lot younger than roland, he still had baby cheeks". This person also has the same arguments, typing patterns, never gives up on arguing, just like @agentswibble and I really believe that we're talking about the same person here. That's the blog: @cloverears

The name is cloverears but they also can be called TrixieStuffs. Remember that name

There is also another blog who interacted with me saying that posts about sofia being cedric's daughter figure were weird, and in their profile they had a post saying that they should marry eachother as companions in life in a "non c*dfia way". I actually thought at that time that this was the same person again, but I can't proof that, so I'll leave that out. That post about them marrying eachother and then saying that they don't support c*dfia was weird.

Last minuted edit: I decided to add them later to the post because they also had weird behaviors and spoke about the video in a post I'll talk about later

CEDRIC BEING IN HIS 20'S VIDEO AND CEDFIAENTHUSIAST

I also have a theory about other blog that might or might not be real, and I feel like it would be immoral if I brought that up... but I really need to tell you guys everything I have related to this person or this situation, and I can't cut this off from the post. Months after arguing with @agentswibble I decided to organize all my thoughts and make a proper, calmer post about Cedric's age. I DIDN'T WANT TO DIG UP ANYTHING, I SWEAR, I just wanted to make a more organized post about a topic that I know is recurrent in the fandom. You can find it by searching for "age" or other keywords in my blog, it's not relevant so I won't put it here. But for making that blog, I remember that there was a video on YouTube talking about Cedric's age and saying that he's a rookie in the role of royal sorcerer, and that he's in his 20's. I watched it when I entered the fandom at january 2024. I searched for that video and added the link to my post, so that anyone who's reading can see the arguments about his age being 20something, and later on in the post I would give arguments about him being 40. Normal usual discussion post, respectful, no fights, just me and myself talking about a character age.

But I noticed that every time I saw someone denying Cedric's age being 40 they were C*dfia fans, and I saw that happening 3 times. Went to that famous video on youtube again out of curiosity and... the person who made it is called CedfiaEnthusiast. When I made the post, I remembered the video but I haven't actually rewatched it until the moment I ended writing my arguments and finally, to answer any arguments they used in the video, watched it again. Found out thay they used the same arguments as those people from before "Cedric still had baby cheeks when Roland looked like a whole teenager", these words, always. Started to wonder if they are the same person and searched a bit more to be sure.

I thought I had done a huge discovery, but then I remembered seeing something about this Nick name on tumblr, and I found a blog. Their actual name was changed from CedfiaEnthusiast to @sorcerers-secrets . That is the blog. They write c*dfia fanfiction, honestly I'm not even talking about the shipp here, won't talk about it for long, focus on the blogs. CedfiaEnthusiast is their name on Ao3.

Edit: they only write c*dfia, and I found an oneshot that includes 🍇. Yeah not very nice find

Right now I went to their youtube channel and found this:

And that's another discovery: these short videos are ALL videos made by an account here on tumblr that ONLY posts this. CedfiaEnthusiast on youtube might be just reposting? Yes, but posting each one of these memes (and they're not even funny) makes me believe that they made them. Because CedfiaEnthusiast uses tumblr, they are used with this website and it wouldn't be hard to constantly be here finding/making new posts etc. Their connection to tumblr is very real at this point. And by using the same personal opinion/kinda nonsense argument of "cedric having baby cheeks and roland looking like a whole teenager" (he didn't, in fact his head is so big that he looks like baby fr) makes me believe that it's the same person because there's no way more than one person actually believe that.

Edit: I searched for them. The person who makes them is @cedfiaenthusiast1 . How funny

In the youtube "cedric being 20" video, they also used the same arguments as @agentswibble !! About saying that "just because Craig Gerber said something it doesn't mean that it's canon, and if he said Cedric is something something Dragon ball z and something you would believe him" . Saying that we believe everything he says because he's the writer even when he says stuff that doesn't make sense. But I would like to point out this here. This argument.

Clear as daylight. I firmly believe that they are related. (And just like I said... cedric being 20 is still/once again a c*dfia argument as always, the person who made the video is a c*dfia shipper and looks like the person who's been arguing with me for ages about this stupid age thing is the same person again)

CEDRICTHEWISE ALSO BEING BOTHERED BY THIS PERSON +CEDDY3000

You know, some time ago Disney Jr posted a meme saying that Cedric is 41, and I took a screenshot and posted it because I got genuinely happy that those c*dfia shippers got debunked (but I didn't said anything about that part) and because I was right the whole time. Who never, alright?

@cedricthewise reblogged my post like this. Please don't involve them in this situation, I just wanted to show that there are other people saying the same thing.

In that same post, remember I said that I thought that a blog who posted "cedric and sofia should marry in a non c*dfia way"? So, they also showed up in that post talking about "a great video that talks about Cedric's age on youtube" and denying and denying cedric's age. Very, very weird.

@cedricthewise also posted some of Craig Gerber telling canon stuff to the fans just because it's nice to know about that stuff, and this wasn't related to this situation at all. But then @cloverears appeared out of nowhere and started....

I remember very vividly of them using the "cedric baby cheeks roland teenager" argument but I couldn't find it. I DO REMEMBER IT. I remember that they appeared in one of my posts arguing, but then I deleted those fighting comments after believing that this was the same person as agentswibble. Maybe that's where they used the "cedric baby cheeks" argument. I can't find it and I believe it's deleted, and I don't have any screenshots either :/

I have a looooong chat with a friend that had been lasting months now, and I sent her stuff about this case some time ago. Today I spoke about it again and asked if she had any screenshots, and she said she would search for me. We will have to wait :/

RECENTLY UNBLOCKED PEOPLE, TRIXIE AND ANTICEDFIAWEEK

Some days ago, I don't know if it was yesterday or before, I was cleaning and organizing my blog. I found the "blocked blogs" part and after reading all the names and not even recognizing most of them I unblocked everyone. Maybe not the smartest decision? Probably... but my line of thought was "well I don't even remember these people anymore, none of the reasons I blocked them are relevant then. Guess I'll take them from here. Idk what they did but I'm sure I won't even see them/interact with them anymore and honestly? What if those people changed they opinion about whatever reason I blocked them? I was blocked by an artist I really like for a long time and I never had even interacted with them, now they just unblocked me for no reason and I feel so much better. Maybe someone there feels like that too?" (I swear i'm just so dumb, i don't know if that's innocence or stupidity)

Well, turns out that this person already started doing it's things again. There is a blog that most of you probably know, @anticedfiaweek . I know this blog since it appeared in the fandom but apart from talking sometimes, usually saying just hi or have a good day, we don't know eachother much. Today they sent me tons of screenshots, and that's the reason I'm making this whole post. I'm sorry for the huge amount of images. These were taken by @anticedfiaweek , that's the whole conversation they had

They're talking about a 9 year old called trixie who aparently hurts herself and tried to "delete" herself because of anti c*dfia posts. Trixie is @cloverears actual name and I believed them to be the same person as @agentswibble since months ago. I have no idea of what is happening, I don't know why they are mad at me, I don't harass anyone and barely even fight on tumblr, I don't like fights, specially about cartoon stuff, who wastes time on this??? Cartoons and Internet discussions are made to have fun.

And you know what's funny? Agentswibble saying that they don't shipp c*dfia. Ha. Okay.

At the same time @agentswibble messaged me the same stuff.

ENDING THE POST

Since the beggining I saw agentswibble blog and found it weird that it was empty, I always thought they had more than one account. Seems like I was right :/

I made this post to tell the fandom about what's happening. I haven't done anything to anyone and someone is spreading lies out there saying that I harass people. After I started understanding everything I felt like I needed to organize my thoughts and show them. All these profiles are related and I believe that they're owned by the same person, I will block all of them again and never unblock them - ever. I won't say that you should do the same, you can do whatever you think it's better, just... keep everything I said in mind :/

[dangerpronebuddie]

Ooh!! I love your wip, please do 😭📋📋📋🥵🥵🥵💙💙😎😎😎 thanks 🥰🥰

Hi darling thank you!!! 🥰🥰 So sorry I'm answering this like three weeks late, the words have not been wording. Scrolled through my asks last night and saw this one and wrote a lot more than I was expecting to. Thank you!

Verbal Abuse fic:

“Christopher said you're seeing a therapist again,” Helena says, her mouth a thin line. Eddie never bothered telling her about therapy. She doesn't believe it helps. “Yeah,” Eddie nods. “Have been for months.” “Pity you didn't start before you traumatized your son into running away,” she says, casual as anything.

Clipboard Buck fic (oh look, Maggie's projecting):

Eddie works his jaw in thought. He wracks his brain, trying to think of his first serious crush. That friend from highschool comes to mind, but he immediately skips over him to Shannon. Before her, there really wasn't anyone. He remembers his friends fawning over Leticia Montes in third grade. He didn't understand the draw. They didn't know her very well; she was in fourth grade. Eddie didn't know a thing about her. He supposes her dark curls and blue eyes were pretty, but there wasn't anything beyond that. There was a boy in sixth grade his friend Mary was practically in love with that, objectively speaking, was attractive. Eddie still didn't get it. Whenever his friends asked him who he liked, he'd think up the most well known heartthrob as his answer. Unfortunately, he had more than a few friends who would proceed to try and set them up. The refusals became degrading after a while. Eventually, he just stopped answering them. He lost those friends, but he didn't feel all that bad about it.

Sub Eddie fic (it's less than 3 lines but it's all my brain would allow me):

“Relax,” he says softly, pressing a kiss to his inner thigh. He doesn't say it out loud, but Eddie hears it all the same. The promise they've kept to each other for years: I'll take care of you, and I trust you to take care of me.

Tanis' fic:

“Fuck, you're beautiful,” Buck says in an awed whisper. For a moment, Eddie thinks he should shy away from the attention. But he doesn't want to. This is Buck. Buck hovers over him, bracketing his head with his forearms. Eddie tips his chin up for a kiss and Buck grins as he leans down. Heat engulfs whatever softness remained from moments before. Buck nips at his lips and licks deep into his mouth, rocking down hard against him as Eddie pulls him closer, closer, closer.

Big Damn Hero (I couldn't not include this moment):

“Yeah, or you know you could… you could have mine,” Buck stammers like an idiot. Eddie does that adorable snort and shakes his hand. “Deal.” Oh, Buck was in trouble. So. Much. Trouble.

Also using this as my WIP Wednesday!

Tagged by @tizniz and @daffi-990 who both shared AMAZING stuff y'all should show some love!! 💚🩵 (p.s. I'm sorry if I haven't interacted with some tags I've gotten recently. Life's been... life, and some days even tumblr is overwhelming. Love y'all and thank you for continuing to tag me 🩷)

Tagging:

@lover-of-mine @loveyouanyway @kitteneddiediaz

@ronordmann @steadfastsaturnsrings @inell @exhuastedpigeon @hippolotamus @diazsdimples

@thekristen999 @monsterrae1 @actuallyitsellie @diazheartsbuckley @wildlife4life @theotherbuckley

@rainbow-nerdss @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @lunarspark-cos @idealuk @shipperqueen6 @slowlyfoggydestiny

@misshiss727 @lin27 @jshadow01 @orangeboxfox92

@thegeekcompanion @emilybahu @lemotmo @awolfnamed-nyx

@kaseysgirl86-blog @darkrose6578 @totallynotagoraphobic @dandelioncasey @bibuckbuckgoose @whatsgoodinthehood22

@lady-elaine @buckley-diaz-rules @buddiedaydreamer911 @monroemary @pirate-hunter

@nonspeakingkiku @eddiedisasterdiaz @drunkandsupportiveeddie @traumabuddies @epicbuddieficrecs @elvensorceress @disasterbuck

@tofanasmuse @gnoeltop @keynb @cassi-brooks @-syrup-sue @punkrock00 @shannonhutchins @lasagnatheory

[imomisoplays]

Long story short

...I survived. Or at least, that's how the lyrics go. Hi again, tombler -- I guess?

Long story:

It's really long, so scroll down for the short version!

Earlier in the month, Tumblr wrongly terminated my previous blog at misoplays. It could come out as a funny accident if only it's (a) the first time this kind of termination happened to misoplays, and (b) Tumblr gracefully reinstate the blog again. I've waited for almost a month and sent two e-mails (they did say spamming e-mail would just push my request back on the queue) while keep trying to refresh the page every day, yet the result is the same "There's nothing here" page. That's that me depresso.

To elaborate further on point (a), the first time I decided to start a sims cooking blog, I created it under my OG e-mail address; the e-mail I used to apply for job etc. which also happened to be linked to my OG tumblr account. It's an old account that now acts like a Wayback Machine of memories for me, but as you know, if a blog is already linked to your e-mail, it will be your main blog, and any additional blog you create under that e-mail would act as side blogs. So, the OG misoplays started as a side blog. However, three posts in, the blog got wrongly terminated. I was sure I didn't break any rules, but maybe Tumblr thought my sudden activity in that ancient account was suspicious, which I could understand. So I sent a request to Tumblr, and the blog was reinstated in under two weeks. The blog first looked like this:

Understandably no one liked or reblogged me, and it was totally okay -- because once again, I just started and posted my first three posts.

When the OG misoplays blog was under, I created a new Tumblr account under my other e-mail address, this time the blog becomes my main blog. The username was misomain, because misoplays was unavailable (apparently, you can't use a username from a suspended/terminated blog) at that time. Misomain was a puny name, because 'main' means "a principal of others in the same kind" in English, but it also translates to "to play" in Indonesian. I quite like misomain, but I went back to misoplays the moment Tumblr reinstated that blog.

The blog you might be familiar with looked more or less like this, of course without the silly Squidward booty profile picture 🤣

Everything went smoothly for a couple of months until early November. To be honest it kinda gets blurry what I was trying to do, I think I was trying to change the password or something. Tumblr sent a verification e-mail, and when I clicked on the link, that fateful "There is nothing here" page appeared. It was at that moment I knew something is wrong. My blog got wrongly terminated for the second time.

I sent a request to get my blog reinstated, and as patient as I can be, I get more anxious as the days went. Another fact is that my blog got yeeted away right when I was about to post my Halloween party posts -- which you'll see later, is quite time-consuming to take pictures of. I stopped playing The Sims 4 because I was sad, mad and somehow bitter at the situation. I mean, tell me why it keeps happening to me, @staff? The only possible explanation (and I don't want to keep making excuses for Tumblr because duh) is because sometimes I use VPN and some other times I turned it off. And if that's so, I already sent e-mails explaining the situation -- so far receiving no reply. None; nada!

I didn't think I would recreate another blog; I was done with it. That's when I absent-mindedly tried to google "misoplays" and the search brought me to this post.

I'm not gonna lie, I choked up and almost shed a tear 🥹

To think that someone out there -- someone who I look up to! -- knows that misoplays is gone and is wondering where it is... Bro, the tears are right there. Thank you, @charlypancakes, your post really bring my spirit up. I decided that I will create another blog, and I will start posting again. From now on I'll diligently back everything up, so if Tumblr yeeted this blog, I'm gonna create another one. I'm gonna live up to that one popular Indonesian proverb: Mati satu tumbuh seribu -- for every thing that was lost, a replacement will appear.

This current blog's name imomisoplays is another play on word: In English, 'emo' would refer to the sad, emotional side of me after experiencing this termination (as I would tell my friends, I'm "currently on my emo phase" once again). But in Korean, the word 이모 (read as ee-mo) means "aunt". I'm an aunt myself, and maybe, with my sims cooking content, I can be that cool auntie on the internet, conquering one recipe at a time 💃

Short story:

Phew, you just saved yourself a whole sob story!

My old blog at misoplays got wrongly terminated earlier this month. Tumblr hasn't returned it yet, and I have long lost hope. I saw a hopeful post and realized that I still got that spirit to keep on posting, so I created this blog. I lost my following, my followers (all 20 of you, please know I appreciate each one of you!), and the drafts to my old posts (only managed to save some), but I would love to continue simblr-ing again as imomisoplays 🙇‍♀️

[angelinasnotebooks]

Hate that my form of hyperfixation is consuming and not creating.

I think I've been falling in love with ideas my whole life. I see colors and concepts and characters, and I want every part of the illusion to play around my body and immerse my mind and soul. I thought growing up I would be an artist. When that mentally shattered, I moved on to thinking I would become an author. Now, however, I don't know what or who I'll be. All I know is that my brain never stops coming up with ideas. 

Yet, with all these ideas comes the possibility of creation. It's what I want, isn't it? I want to create these pictures and stories and share them with the world. So, why am I motionless in my pursuit to bring my mind to life? I have a library in my head. There's a girl in there. Her favorite color is blue. She doesn't know if life is worth living. I have an art museum there too. There's a portrait of a dying renegade, and a demon alter ego desiring joy. Then there's the realm of fandoms. The endless multiverse of continuations and alternatives.  

There's a lot going on inside my brain and imagination. Chemicals I do not understand and signals I cannot control. An abundance of beauty only an individual can conjure with their subjectivity. With no outlet for these thoughts and images, I find it all to be too much at times. Wings heavy on my back and flightless under the pressure. The ability to soar is there, but the weight within is burdensome.  

Every day I come up with something new. Some ideas are fresh while others are another line on the loom, but that is all they are. Thoughts. Ideas. Invisible whisps, webs, and wishes. It's as if the only part of my frontal lobe that works is that of imagination and complex thinking. I attempt short stories, painting, studying, chores, school projects, craft projects and I never get them done. Planning, time management, logical reasoning, and decision-making have all taken a backseat. I can't get any of them done, so I turn to what has already been done. 

I rewatch a favorite show. I read another fanfic. I click on a YouTube video and another. I scroll Tumblr. I read character analysis. I try on the clothes in my closet. I add shit to my wish list. I post photos from two months ago on my Instagram. I relate to autistic ADHD tiktokers. I pretend Pinterest will help me get my life together. I think about the MCU. I watch another comfort, crime, haunted, mythical series. I visit my AO3 bookmarks. I doom scroll whatever app I can get my eyes on. I turn thirteen again and either spiral into a depressive state or become infatuated with the Hunger Games--again.

The point is, I can't force my brain to work on the original ideas. Sitting at a desk with supplies doesn't get my hands moving. I fall numb waiting for my body and mind to comply with my intentions. So, I end up here again. Hitting a heart button to let other people know that their commentary and hard work have reached me, and I liked it.  

I don’t want all my ideas and universes to end where they are. I don’t want to minimize or invalidate my existence, or the experiences of others like me, by remaining artistically stagnant. I want my mind to be a visual tangible galaxy free to be roamed and explored. I want to have my heart in my hands, and I want to give it to every single person that I can. I want these thoughts, these precious ideas out of my head and into yours, dear reader. I don't want to consume; I want to create. If I'm going to go down the rabbit hole, I want to be the rabbit. The entrance maker. Not the lost girl I am right now.