#i swear to all gods on earth why did i not make the goddamn connection immediately

[curiouser--and--curiouser]

“Is it over? Is it really over?” | Mark Watney x Reader

Fictober 2023 Day 24 - “Is it over? Is it really over?”

Mark Watney x Reader

Warnings: making out, occasional swearing, use of Y/N, Matt Damon (Matt I hate you and your use of slurs, but why do you keep showing up in my favourite films? 😫)

A quiet day is usually hard to find at NASA, but since the rescue of stranded astronauts Mark Watney and Y/N L/N from Mars, things had certainly calmed down as the Hermes ship continued its almost year-long journey back to Earth, safe and sound.

Instead of calculating trajectories and plotting courses, the scientists at NASA now had a slightly more chilled job of combing through the hundreds of video logs made by the pair of astronauts during their time of exile. As soon as they arrived at the Ares IV MAV, the high-bandwidth connection on board was used to upload the diaries to Earth, to chronical their time on the red planet, but also provide the memory of their final living days in case the worst occurred during their rescue mission.

Thankfully, the worst did not happen.  

Vincent Kapoor and Mindy Park now crowded around an office computer scanning the videos for any important information they missed to be filed away for NASA’s future space missions. Annie Montrose kept an eye on them and the screen over their shoulders for anything she might be able to release to the public who continued to clamour for anything about life on Mars.

“Our own employees shit-talking the scientists of NASA and their advice to help save their lives maybe shouldn’t be broadcast to the world,” Annie lamented as Mindy shut off another video where Mark whined about an army of botanists trying to micro-manage his potatoes with a new growing technique and Y/N complained about the demanding engineers who critiqued her repairs on the rover and quote “wouldn’t know a wrench if they sat on one”.

“Self-awareness can be a refreshing approach for a government agency,” suggested Vincent, sarcastically, rubbing his eyes from the glare of the screen. Mindy laughed as Annie launched a pen at Vincent’s head in annoyance as she clicked on the next video. It began with Mark alone on the screen.

xxx

“So, nothing has caught fire in 15 sols, I think that’s a new record for us,” Mark always managed to sound cheerful on his video diaries no matter the situation. He could be smoking from an explosion, arm falling off and in the middle of a claustrophobia-induced argument with you, but still have a boyish smile on his face.

You couldn’t think of anyone better to be stuck on Mars with. His constant witty narration and array of new bold ideas to keep you both alive braved your unfathomable storms, even when you were close to giving up on ever returning home.

No wonder you fell for him.

And he fell for you too.

Some would say being stuck on a deserted planet with your crush would be a dream. Maybe not a dream, but the constant close quarters did force you both to admit your burgeoning feelings for each other and begin your relationship. Sure, the adrenaline-fuelled trauma bonding and distinct lack of personal space at all times sometimes felt like a wall, your patience with each other and resolve to overcome triumphed.

“Y/N should be back soon,” Mark continued, “it’s been pretty goddamn quiet without them here. I hope they get back soon, I’ve started talking to my potato plants again… Y/N, please come back soon.” You had been on a multi-Sol test-drive of the rover, trying to gently push its limits before the long pilgrimage that was to come. Mark loved your commitment to the rover, how you cared for it like your child - both your child - but all he wanted now was for you to return, safe and back in his arms.

Mark continued his daily report diligently - so diligently, in fact, that he was completely unaware of your early return back to the Hab.

All that could be seen on the screen was his eyes suddenly snapping to the side and widen with a gasp.

“Oh my God.”

In an instant, he was up and completely gone from the camera, but soon he returned, locked in a heated embrace with you.

You both crashed and clattered into the wall of the Hab; you straddling his thighs with your dusty suit rolled down, exposing your torso, and him laid almost completely flat on his desk chair, pulling you into him with all the force of a lonely lover finally reunited. Your lips moved with a frantic speed, making up for lost time, as your weathered and slightly dirty hands threaded through his hair. He clutched and squeezed all over your curves as he whispered affirmations of “God, baby, I missed you”, “fuck, I was so worried”, “I love you so much” between kisses.

Mark eventually broke away, only for a second, remembering in a panic that the computer was still recording. It took all his might to pull away from you, but you launched back in immediately, planting sloppy kisses down his neck. His eyes started to roll back with a sigh on his lips and his hand fumbled around for the computer’s off switch.

xxx

In all their years, the NASA employees had never been more shocked.

A simple briefing log quickly descended into softcore porn. But it was so hard to look away.

Mindy had her hands covering her eyes, but still secretly peeked between her fingers; this was by far the most interesting briefing she had ever been a part of.

“Is it over? Is it really over?” she asked worriedly from behind her hands. She got no response from Vincent who simply looked ahead, stunned and silent, no words to wipe their memories of what they just saw. An exasperated sigh sounded from Annie, her brow pinched within an inch of its life.

“No one release that one to the public.”

[satindupe]

wooseok ⏤

[ ♡♡♡ ] the same couldn't be said for her. she looks... so different, changed by over a decade. wooseok supposes that it's easy for him to miss change in himself; he sees himself every day, after all, so she might be having the same thoughts as him. for once in his life, he wishes he wasn't wearing the stupid nullivi patch, so he could know for sure. "goddamn, we have a lot of catching up to do, huh? i can't believe you're here. i mean, my family moved so suddenly, i feel like i didn't even get to really say goodbye. they found out i was a freaky anomaly kid and basically had to leave almost immediately. little did i know it wasn't even actually goodbye." another pause. there are so many things he wants to say, but he's not sure how. "ah... never mind about me, what about you? how did you end up here?"

madison. when she was living in america, the name 'taeri' sounded like a girl outside of herself, something used more with korean grandparents than anything else, a foreigner that she didn't connect to. and as she's here with one of those that knew madison well, there's a sense of distance along with the joy ⏤ now, it's madison that feels like the foreigner, with taeri feeling more familiar and the other now more removed from her than she's ever known.

nevertheless, nostalgia triumphs all and it does her heart well to see alex here after all this time ⏤ it was almost as if he had dropped off the face of the earth after he moved away, a memory only known by name and the faint scar upon her calf that was caused by chasing him around the neighborhood as a child. she gives him a couple of nods followed with a "yeah!" at his recognition. there's some comfort in the fact that she still looks like herself even with the bottle blonde dye job and heavy eyeliner around her eyes.

it's easy to catch the color on his cheeks at her compliment, and the bashfulness that follows has her teeth sinking into the flesh of her lip as to not alarm him with a squeal. "no! like i wouldn't say you have a baby baby face, and you do look different. i swear to god i saw you around before but didn't know it was you because i wasn't used to seeing you as a ..." eyes blink as her hands spread out towards his direction, "a man, y'know? but you look good. and you still have those cheekies so that was kind of a dead giveaway," chuckling, taeri places an upon the table while her jaw rests upon a palm, enthralled at their conversation.

"i could say the same about you! but wait, that's why you moved? like, hearing it now it makes sense but as a kid it was like you were here and then you weren't and i was just like damn, alright i guess. i missed you a lot! we could have been freaky anomaly kids together maybe," she pouts at the news, though she only could imagine what he went through spouting an anomaly during the years of puberty. the body was already changing enough as is, but adding powers on top of that?

"so true, we are here now. i hope you realize that you're not getting rid of me so easily this time. i have ways of finding people, you know," she states amusedly while a placing a pair of fingers in front of her eyes, then casts them in his direction as if it were some type of warning, grin giving away her silliness. when the conversation shifts to her taeri's eyes widen, mind going through all the events that brought her up to this point. "you got a couple hours? no i'm kidding, but uh, to make a long story short ... turns out my dad wasn't actually my dad but raised me anyway, which i always thought because obviously," a finger circles around her face, "where is he here, right? but my actual dad found me in high school after i got suspended for kicking this girls ass because she was talking shit about emily," her younger sister, "and he was like 'american education is shit i work in korea come be with me you'll be better here' and like, i couldn't go to school anyway so i went and yeah. dude's apparently stupid loaded here and tries to act like he's more korean than me when he's not and it's weird? but it's whateverrrrr, i've been here for like ..." there's a pause a she uses her fingers to count mentally, "six... seven years now? so it's wild that we're only seeing each other now. have you always been in seoul?"

[kia-kit]

Me, just realizing the reason why I dig Mumbo2's outfit is because it looks like a fantasy isekai starter outfit: fuck

[sugarylawliet]

In Death Note, you know the part where the L placed spy cams everywhere within Yagami’s house?

What if Light and his girlfriend start doing the deeds to look like normal hormones teens?

YES OMG i’ve actually thought of this before so i’m so glad someone requested it LMFAO

> warnings: swearing, smut, degradation, sir kink, kind of exhibition??

  Light tossed his backpack onto his bed, loosening his red tie before collapsing onto the bed himself, letting his exhaustion express itself in the most natural way he thought possible. It’s hard to act natural when you’re being watched; you almost forget every aspect of your daily routine, putting excessive thought into typically mindless tasks like walking around your house or laying on your bed to the point of obviousness. 

“Light, wanna play video games?” Ryuk asked, standing before the boy.

Light fell back onto his bed, placing his hands behind his shoulders with a deep sigh. Closing his eyes, he prepared for the performance he’d have to put on. How could he ignore Ryuk without giving off reactions to the shinigami’s words, tilts of the head or instinctive hums of agreement that could incriminate himself in a matter of seconds.

“You listening? Hello?” 

Light only ignored him, grabbing a long beige coat from the closet before heading outside, Ryuk following close behind.

“Hey, Light, what’s with the brushing off? I’m starting to get annoyed.”

He popped his collar and rolled up his sleeves, checking meticulously for any bits of wire or chips of plastic that could be audio bugging him. 

“Light! Hey!” Ryuk wined.

“There might be secret hidden cameras around the house,” The brunette broke the silence, his voice in a slightly raspy lowered tone, almost a whisper, “Or microphones, probably both.” He explained, going on to detail his clever methods of finding out if someone had been in his room- or if someone had opened his door, at least.

“Let’s go on a camera hunt! You got a plan after that?” Ryuk asks.

“Simple, make it seem like I have no idea the cameras are even there, and that I’m just a normal teenager. I’ll probably need some excuse for why I have that paper and lead in my door, they’ll want to know why I don’t want anyone in my room, what I’m hiding, and if the footage reveals I’m hiding absolutely nothing, that’ll look even more suspicious. Every teenager has secrets.”

“So what’ll you do?”

“You’ll see.”

                               _______________________________

“This feels objectifying, Yagami.” 

You walk down the street leading to your boyfriend’s house, accompanied by the man himself as he explains his, quite frankly, pervy plan.

“Objectifying? We have sex all the time, Y/N.”

“Yeah, but nobody plans out when they’re gonna fuck. It’s just weird.”

“Hey,” Light stops walking, facing towards you as he gently lifts your chin with his thumb and index finger. The feeling made you melt, and he knew that very well. The way Light held your face and looked at you like you were the only thing on earth felt exhilarating, he could tell you anything in that position and you’d believe it. And that’s just what he does, constantly. “This is not an option, this isn’t personal business. This is about Kira. This is going to throw suspicion off me, okay? Do it. For me.”

You sighed deeply. He had you the moment he held your chin like that. “And there won’t be any explicit footage of us? There won’t be a camera like, right there?”

“I don’t know where all the cameras are, but there aren’t many like that in my room at all, we’ll be safe.” He lied, a practice that came so easily to him he no longer viewed it as morally wrong. It was just something he did, like going to school and eating dinner or doing homework, he also lied.

“Okay.” You agreed with a smile, prompting him to release his grasp on you and continue the walk home.

“I didn’t realize he went through such great lengths...might there be something in his room that he doesn’t want anyone to see?” Soichiro Yagami remarked, watching Light fiddle with the thin strip of paper in the doorway and the piece of lead in the hinges as you stood patiently behind him.

“Well, considering he’s 17, it isn’t all that unusual. I’ve done it myself, for no reason at all.” L responds, “I am a bit curious, though, as to what he’s hiding so admently.”

You enter Light’s bedroom with him, shutting the door behind you as you watch him toss his bag down besides his bed. 

“Y/N, are you scared of me?” He turns to face you.

“Hm? Why would I be.”

“L, the best detective in the world, thinks I’m Kira when I’m not.”

Oh, Light.

“He makes me out to be some kind of monster,” He continues, “I’m worried you’ll start to believe him.”

“I’m not scared.”

“Maybe you should be.”

“Huh?”

Before you could register his comment, Light lunges for you, tossing you onto his bed before tickling your stomach and sides.

‘L-Light! St-stop! Please!” You cried between giggles.

“Make me.”

Understanding, you connect your lips to his, causing his hands to rub up and down where he previously tickled you. You moaned into the kiss as Light pushed harder into it, his desperation showing. You wished he would take his time, but you knew the real reason you were here. His hands slid down to your lower half, pushing his hand inside your pants and rubbing your clit through your panties. You gasped, hand reaching up to grab his wrist reflexively. He let out a chuckle. 

Impatiently, he stood up straight, unbuttoning your pants before slipping them completely off along with your panties, leaving you in only your t-shirt on his bed.

“I figured,” L sighed, “You can close your eyes if you’d like, Yagami-san, but I’m afraid I need you here for legal purposes.”

Light crouched down onto the floor, lifting your legs to lay bent on his shoulders. Teasingly, he licked a line down your slit, earning a gasp from you. He straightened himself out again, moving towards your face. “L is watching,” He whispered, his hot breath on your ear, “Put on a show.” He smirked.

Watching? Had Light lied?

Light lowered himself back down to push his tongue inside you. His tongue wriggled around, exploring your walls with lust.

“Oh, Light” You moaned, slapping your hand over your mouth to muffle the sound. You knew L, you knew the whole task force for that matter. Your face flushed with embarrassment imagining any of them reviewing this footage and hearing your moans. Hell, Light’s dad worked with L, he could be watching for all you knew.

You jolted at the sudden sting of Light smacking your thigh with an open palm. “Don’t hold back, angel, and don’t cover your mouth. I want to hear all your pretty moans.” He said, removing himself from your core before pressing his lips almost to your ear again, lowering his voice to a whisper, “I want L to see how good I make you feel. Got it?”

You faintly nodded before he returned to your heat, dipping his tongue inside once again while his thumb felt your clit, rubbing it in circles. You knot your fingers through his brown hair, bringing his face closer to your pussy with a moan. He sped up his actions, practically abusing your clit while his tongue hit your g-spot, curling sightly upwords inside of you.

“Fuck, Light, I can’t, I’m gonna...”

With that, Light pulled away, leaving you edged and wanting more. You pouted, sticking your lip out with a whine. Light, having none of it, roughly raked his hand through your hair, forcing you up close to his face by your scalp. “You listen to me.” He growled, the heat of his breath warming your face, “No whining, and no disobeying. Got that?” He yanked your hair with the last syllable for emphasis. You let out a weak “Mhm.” 

He shoved you to the bed chest-first by your hair, never letting his fingers leave your locks. 

“Ass up.” He commanded, you obliged slowly, legs feeling a bit sore from him eating you out.

Hastily he unbuckled his belt before folding it in half, smacking your ass with it leaving a slight red mark. “When I tell you to do something, you do it quickly.”

“Yes Light.”

You yelped as he smacked you again with the belt in the same place, the stinging leaving your ass feel like it was burning. 

“Yes who?” He asked.

“Yes sir.”

“Atta girl.” He pushed his khakis fully down before aligning himself with your entrance, rubbing his head up and down your slit teasingly.

“Sir please...” You begged.

“Please what? Say it.”

“Please, please fuck me sir. I want your cock, please.” 

“Well, only since you asked so nicely.” Light slid himself into you with a groan. Slowly, he rocked himself into you. 

“F-faster, please sir. Faster.” You moaned, gripping onto the sheets.

Light obliged right away, almost as if he was waiting for you to ask for it. He quicked his speed, pounding into you mercilessly. He licked his lips, relishing in the loud slew of moans and curses spilling from your mouth as he fucked you.

“Look at you, you fucking slut. Begging for me to go faster. You’re so goddamn desperate for my cock, you dirty whore.”

You couldn’t help but moan at his words, though degrading, the fact that Light liked you at all made you feel worth something. Light Yagami, Kira, the god of the new world, liked you. Though you’d never admit it to the stubborn boy, he could say almost anything to you, about you, and you’d still love him.

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so tight.” He knotted his fingers back into your hair for stability as he thrusted into you even faster, burying himself deep into you.

“Oh my god, fuck, Light- sir, it’s so good.” You cried, feeling your orgasm creeping up once again. “I’m gonna...”

“Do it, come for me angel.” He encouraged, bringing his free hand up to play with your clit. The stimulation sent you over the edge. “Oh fuck, oh my god, fuck you feel so good.” You came loudly, only a little before Light did as well.

L watched Light collapsed beside you on the bed, only the sound of your breathless pants escaping the monitor. “Uh, they’re done, Yagami-san. You can...open your eyes again. Honestly, this security footage may be useless now, at the very least we cannot bring it to court, considering your son and his girlfriend are both 17. Perhaps this was his plan along.”

“You’re saying this makes you more sure he’s Kira?!” Soichiro raised his voice.

“Well, it definitely raises my suspicions.”

Light finally stood up, tucking himself back into his jeans. Before you could pull your bottoms back up, he picked up your panties from the floor, playfully spinning them around his index finger. “You won’t be missing these, will you?” He asks sarcastically, tossing them into the drawer in his bedside table. 

“Ah, so that’s what he’s hiding. A valid excuse to not want family in your room but... unexpected, to say the least.” L remarked, still somehow watching the cameras.

[overly-b]

Say It Again - JJ Maybank

In which JJ questions if he is deserving of you and your love. 

Warnings: swearing, sad JJ, fluff, awful editing don’t come for me

Word Count: 3.5k(whoops) 

Author's note: this is my first time writing in so long, be gentle with me friends. I know that a lot of people have done similar prompts of JJ feeling undeserving of love and the reader helps him through it, so this is a little bit unoriginal but, this is my take on it. 

Bold italics is a flash back. 

Thank you to @maybe-maybanks​ to the late night inspiration!

not my gif

As you, Kie and Pope approached the yard of the chateau, it became undeniably clear that JJ had gone off the rails with extravagant spending since you had seen him last. 

“What did you do JJ?” Pope questions the boy sitting in the hot tub. Looking at you through his sunglasses, he smirks. 

“I got a jet going straight in my butt right now” He ignores Pope. “Y’all, should get in here immediately, you hear me?” His sentence slurs slightly. “Salud!” He toasts his plastic champagne flute in the air, but opts to take a swig from the bottle in his other hand. 

JJ scans the faces of his three friends, eyes lingering at yours a moment longer than Kie and Popes. 

You see, just days ago, after getting arrested, then beaten by his father, JJ found you, and poured his heart out, to find that you shared his feelings, and the two of you started seeing each other in secret. 

Being that it was a secret, the two of you had yet to put any kind of label on it, but you loved that blonde boy to the ends of the earth, despite what had happened earlier that day. 

“You know what, that's exactly what I’m gonna do. Go off, by myself.”  

You watched as JJ began walking away. Pope attempted to stop him, but Sarah and John B had halted his efforts. You stood silently fuming at the actions of the boy you had such strong feelings for. How could he be doing something like this? This wasn’t the JJ you knew, had been friends with for years, and were now in love with. Though if you were being honest with yourself, you had loved him for years prior. 

“JJ!” You seethed, shaking off John B’s attempts to hold you back from running after him. He was already a good distance away from the group, he probably couldn’t even hear you yelling, so you started speed walking. It soon became apparent that he was simply ignoring you. 

“JJ!” You were merely twenty feet from him, screaming at his back. “JJ stop!” His strides continued. 

“You were real quiet back there princess, finally decide to comment?” You stepped in front of him, shoving his shoulders to force his walk to a stop. “What the fuck Y/N!” 

“What the fuck me? What the fuck you! What has gotten into you right now JJ what are you doing?” 

“Nothing has gotten into me Y/N I’m simply paying back what I owe.” He states, trying to walk past you. 

“By stealing the money from the drug dealer that just jumped us?” Your brows raise as you interrogate him. 

“He jumped us, he has this coming.” He nonchalantly shrugs his shoulders, succeeding in getting past you, as you stand shocked by his words. 

“JJ you and I both know that you’re not that goddamned stupid.” His steps slow, he stands still. “Stealing money from a drug dealer? JJ I know that you owe money because of Pope but this isn’t right! You’re better than this-” 

“Am I?” He turns on his heels to face you again, this time squaring his shoulders to be purposeful in standing tall over you. Him standing over you made you feel small in comparison to the raging blond. “Am I better than this?” He repeats his question. 

“JJ what are you-” 

“Because I’m starting to think that you, and your high standards, and your perfect life, only think that I am better than this because you want me to be better than this.” 

You knew what he was referring to. You were by no means a kook, but your family was financially stable enough to afford a nice house, you had your own car, and if you wanted, you could afford to go to college on the mainland. Your life was unlike most lives on the cut, but JJ knew that your life was far from perfect. 

“What the hell-” 

“And that if we’re gonna be together,  you need me to be better than this so that I can fit in with your life.” You had no idea what he meant. Your life was on the cut, with the Pouges, with him, and the difference of financial well beings of your familys never changed that before, so why was it now? 

“What the fuck JJ stop-” 

“Well you know what Y/N! I’m not better than this, this is who I am! I get into fights, I steal, I have a criminal record, when I get hit, I hit back this is who I am!” 

“We both know that stealing twenty five thousand dollars from a drug dealer is never going to make anything better.” You attempt to reason with him. “This isn’t hitting back this is loading the gun that's already in your face!” 

“Y/N I have to!” He spits. “I know you could never understand being in so much debt but this is my only option.” His words hit you like a punch to the stomach. He looks down to his boots before continuing. “So I’m sorry that I’m not what you pictured as a boyfriend, but this is what I do Y/N. Maybe you trying to fight it means you deserve better than me.” 

And just like that, it was clear that he was more mad with himself then he was with you. However, everything that he said was uncalled for, and nasty, and he had no right. You watch as he storms away, even more tense than before, and you couldn’t help but wonder how this affects your newfound relationship. You blink away the water from your eyes, and do your best to compose yourself as you slowly wander back to your friends. 

“How much did this cost?” Pope asks. Your head was spinning as he listed all of the things that he had purchased since he left you standing in the woods. 

“Uh, well. With the generator, the petrol, and, oh, hey, express delivery,” You knew the answer before he even had time to speak. “Pretty much all of it, yeah.” 

“All of it?” Pope exclaims. 

“Oh my god” You whisper, mostly to yourself, rubbing your forehead with your palm. 

“Yeah all of it.” 

“You spent all the money in one day?” “Yeah burned a hole right through my pocket.” He confidently explains. “But, I mean like come on guys, look at this!”  The tone in his voice told you that he was holding back, it was alway his biggest tell when he would hold back his feelings. “Finest in jet based massage therapy, that's what they told me.” 

The three of you are left speechless. 

“Kie what? Can’t a man have a little luxury in life?” JJ still could not bring himself to look you in the eyes for more than a moment. “Come on, all this scrimping’ and scraping’” you notice his voice falter again. “I mean like, guys, we, you only live once. Right?” JJ finally locks eyes with you, and he reacts spastically, your dreaded look having the gravest effect on him.  

“Y/N, stop, why are you looking at me like that?” He knew full well, but he was trying too hard not to show it. “I know that you’re mad about earlier okay, but, everything is fine now!” His voice was louder now, concealing the breakdown you knew was coming, sooner or later, here with the three of you or somewhere else. “Enough of this emotional shit. Get in the Cat’s Ass come on.” He smiles, waving you to join him. 

“The what?” Kie furrows her brows. 

“The Cat’s Ass.” JJ smugly replies, proud of himself. “That's what I named her. Oh hey yo, I almost forgot,” JJ leans forward, pressing a button that makes water spray across the tub, and even more colorful lights flash in front of him. “Huh! Yeah that's right, disco mode, thats right baby!” His eyes scan yours, noticing that they were clouding with tears. He quickly looks away from you, not wanting to see the damage that he had done, and was still doing. 

“JJ,” Your voice is low and hushed as you blink back tears. 

“Are you kidding me?” Popes harsh voice overpowers yours, cutting off you and your tears. “You could have paid for restitution!” 

“Or literally given it to any charity” Kie fumes at the sight before her. 

“Guys,” You mutter, wanting them to stop being so hard on the broken boy you secretly called yours. You were mad too, if not more than Pope and Kie due to your argument. However, you could see straight through the smug grins and happy fasad that JJ was trying to project. He was hurting, and you knew it wasn’t just about the fight the two of you shared. 

“Or better yet, you could have helped us buy supplies to get the rest of the gold out of the well!” 

“Guys!” You spoke up louder this time, only to be cut off by JJ. 

“Okay well you know I didn’t do that!” As JJ’s swimsuit clad body surfaces from the hot water, you are confronted with what you knew would be there, and the tears pour from your eyes. “I got a hot tub!” JJ shakes in what appears to be anger, but you know it isn't anger he's reeling from. “For my friends,” 

Kie and Pope gape at JJ’s bruised abdomen and instantly connect the dots as to who is responsible. 

“I bought a hot tub for my friends.” He repeats. “You know what, no, you know what, screw friends. I got a hot tub for my family.” 

“JJ what the hell-” Kie gasps.

“I got this for you! Guys look what I did for you! Alright?” JJ spins and gestures to everything he bought. “Look at this!” When he turns back, he finds that you were no longer holding back the tears your eyes once held. 

“Y/N stop being emotional don’t, don’t cry okay? I know that I hurt you before,” His voice fails him as he recalls the words that he said to you. “But I did this for you,” He hangs his head, he knows how bad he fucked up, and it was hitting him all at once that this was not the way that he needed to make things right. This was not the way back to you, and the high of his twenty five thousand dollar spending spree was dissapating at his realisation, and at the sight of you before him. 

“I mean, it’s sweet right?” JJ hadn't even realized that as he began talking, you had climbed into the hot tub. He looks into your eyes for a moment as you stand before him, and lets out a sob as you gently wrap your arms around him. His forehead falls to your shoulder, and  all of his pent up energy released in the form of tears and heaves. 

“I’m sorry. Baby I’m so sorry.” He whimpers to you, only for you to shush him tenderly. Kie and Pope share a confused glance at the nickname. “I couldn’t do it.” You rub his hair and hold him close as he convulses. “I can’t take it anymore!” JJ wails, your tears land on his shoulders, and his tears land on yours. “I was gonna kill him!” 

Kie is next to join you, jumping into the steaming water and embracing the both of you. Pope follows. 

“I just want to do the right thing.” 

“Shh, JJ, I know. I know” You coo him, trying to calm his weeping. 

After minutes of holding him, Kie announces that she has to head home, and Pope offers to drive her. JJ rests in a nearly catatonic state in your arms, no doubt exhausted and knowing JJ, not ready to face the fact that he just broke down in front of his friends. 

The pair leaves bidding reassuring words to JJ, and a few more hugs. 

You are left in the hot tub, holding the blond boy as he clutches onto you. He wasn’t crying anymore, but his breaths were rapid and heavy as he was shaken, the events of the day had caught up to him in the form of you and your tears. He begins to spew soft “I’m sorry”s and other apologises, but his panic makes him stutter and his sentences start to lack direction. 

You shush him and direct the boy to listen to your heartbeat, trying your best to bring his shattered thoughts back to earth. 

“JJ, we should get out of the hottub.” You tell him, to which he simply sniffles and nods, unsure of how to speak to you after the horrible things he said to you, and his inability to form a proper apology. He knew that you were nothing like he had depicted, yet he said what he said, and there was no taking it back. 

His skin was red from the overheated water, and it itched with chlorine, so as the two of you entered the chateau, you started the shower. 

“You should rinse off the chlorine.” You told him, not sure of how to speak to him either. He followed your order and stripped of his bathing suit. You were able to track down clothes for him to sleep in, and as you waltzed back into the bathroom, you decided you couldn’t leave him alone in the shower.  

Taking off your soaked clothes quickly, you slip into the shower to find JJ standing still under the water. You snake your arms around his torso, careful of the bruises pressing your chest to his back. His hands find yours he holds them tight. You place a kiss on his spine, then rest your head where your lips touched. 

“I’m so sorry” He croaked, his voice was tired, worn out from the day. 

“JJ-” 

“No stop Y/N” He turns around to face you, grabbing your face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I should have never said any of those things about you, none of them were true, it's just that, its,” He stumbles on his words. You rub his back to ground him again, he takes a deep breath. “It's just that you do deserve better than me.” 

“JJ please-” He doesn’t let you continue. 

“No you do, Y/N you do. You deserve so much better than me, than this life, than what I can give you. You don’t deserve some, broken kid that's never getting off the cut, you don’t deserve, to, have to watch as I steal money from drug dealers, you don’t deserve any of the shit that I know that I put you through you just, you deserve better, better than someone who doesn’t come close to deserving you.” 

The tears streaming down both of your faces mix with the water coming from the shower and you have no idea how to make his saddening speech stop. 

“JJ” You sob, he pauses. “You deserve so much more, than what your life has given you. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved JJ, you deserve everything that you want, why can’t you see that?” 

And instantly you feel stupid for asking. JJ’s eyes wander and find the bruises littering his body, answering your question. You stifle another sob as your eyes graze his battered skin. 

“Listen to me.” You demand his attention. “You are not worthless.” His eyes divert from yours as he realises what you’re referring to. “JJ look at me,” After a moment or two, his gaze wearily finds yours. “You are not worthless, you are worthy of love, and affection, and someone who takes care of you, and not only are you worthy but you deserve it too. Do you hear me?” 

JJ swallows thickly, nodding in acceptance of your beautiful words. He embraces you tightly, having no words of his own. No one had ever made him feel like this. No one had ever made him feel worthy of the good that was before him. 

He was hesitant to think that he deserved you. To him, no one was good enough to actually deserve you, especially not him. However your speech made him open to the idea that maybe he was at least worthy of your love. 

Your love. 

You both realised in the same moment that the word was shared between you. You had never shared the faithful declaration of love to each other since you had been together romantically, and yet now you had mentioned love twice in the span of thirty seconds. JJ smiled as he held you. You loved him, and this was one of the ways that you showed it. 

“Let's get the chlorine out of your hair J.” 

He let you massage his scalp with the shampoo that he's seen you use before to get pool chemicals out of your hair. He didn’t really know what it did or how it was different from other shampoos but, it smelled like you and he loved getting his head rubbed. His breathing was still shaky, but he finally felt some of his anxiety from the day wearing off. Fighting with you was something he never wanted to do again. Fighting with his dad was something he knew he would have to do the next time he went home. He elected to ignore those thoughts, as your fingers worked magic on his hair, seemingly drawing all of the negative ideas out of his head along with the chlorine. 

As JJ rinsed his hair of soap, he noticed you reaching for the bottle again, no doubt to wash your own hair. He holds out his hand, wordlessly asking if he could wash your hair for you, like you had done for him. This makes you grin as you hand him the bottle. JJ then realises that he doesn’t really know how to do what you did for him. That kind of small, soft, intimate touching was foreign to him. 

He squeezes way too much shampoo into his hand, but you pay that no mind. He starts slow, trying to remember the way your fingers moved on his scalp, but in the end knowing that he just wasn’t good at giving head massages. 

“I used way too much.” He states, watching as suds continue to produce from your locks.  

“It’s okay.” You hum watching the bubbles disappear down the drain. “I set out clothes for you when you’re ready, I’m probably gonna be another minute” You tell him, referring to the other bottles you had in the shower that you still had to use. 

“Okay, thank you” He kisses you as he exits the shower. You finish up quickly, wanting to be next to him, and hoping that his thoughts as he sits alone don’t carry him away like they had before. 

You find that he left his tee shirt for you, like he had on nights before. You wear the shirt that smelled of him along with a pair of comfortable running shorts and head to the spare bedroom of the chateau that JJ called his most nights. 

You spot JJ sitting at the edge of the bed, waiting for you. You slowly and carefully climb onto his lap, straddling him and holding his head close to your chest. You notice anxiety still radiating off of him. 

“Hey,” You start softly. “It’s okay, everythings okay-” 

“I love you” He states bluntly as he picks up his head from your chest. 

“What?” You stumble, surprised at his outburst. 

“I love you, and I want to be with you, like, publically, or whatever. I wanna tell the Pouges and-” before he starts rambling, you stop him. 

“I love you too JJ.” This pauses him. 

“Say it again.” 

You giggle, but inhale, knowing that he needs to hear it. 

“JJ.” You start. “I love you.” 

He lets out a breath you didn’t realize he was holding, eyes watering for the millionth time. 

“I still don’t think that I deserve this.” He admits, looking into your eyes with his crystal clear blue ones. 

“You do.” You push his hair back from his face. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you that you do.” 

He was hesitant to accept everything that you had said to him that day, but he never doubted that you would give him your all. This was all he needed to know before he allowed himself fully over to you, kissing you with more desperation and love than ever before. 

“I love you so much.” You muttered into his lips, and from that day on, you would say it again and again, as many times as he needed to hear it. A constant reminder to him that he was deserving and worthy of good, of love, and of you.

Taglist:  @maybe-maybanks​  @myrandom-fandomlife​

[hogwartsmarvelmommy]

Fallout of the century 🌑💔

Part 2 🥜

Read part 1 here 🥜

Masterlist

word count: 3.4k

Warnings: Angst & Fighting

My alarm was blaring way too early since it was Saturday. I reached over and clicked it off. “Ugh,” I groaned as I rolled onto my stomach. 

“What are you groaning about?” Harrison opened my door and came and hopped onto the bed next to me. 

“My life,” I mumbled, not moving my face from where it was buried in the bed. 

“Oh come on, it's not that bad,” He said, urging me to cheer up. 

“I told Harry we should date other people last night,” I said as I pushed myself up onto my knees. “It's been six months, we should both try and move on. But I can't help but think that if he goes and starts dating, that he’ll be gone forever,” I sighed. this was giving me a headache.

“Do you want to be with him?” He asked.

“I want to be with my Harry, but he's not my Harry anymore. So no, I don't think so,” I said, confusing even myself. I sat there staring at the wall, waiting for some sort of emotion to surface, but I just felt numb again. “I think my mind is broken Harrison,” I sighed, throwing myself down onto the bed. 

“Then let's go and do something you'll enjoy, try and fix that pretty little mind of yours,” he sounded hopeful that i would agree, and i didn’t have any prior plans, so why not.

“Like what?” I asked curiously.

----------

 The pins smashed down, with the loud noise. “And another strike!” I exclaimed running back to Harrison and Tom. 

“Girls got game, gotta admit it,” Tom said laughing, as Harrison went up to bowl his turn. 

“So, Harry talked to me,” Tom started. I looked at him unsure of what he was talking about. “You know, i never knew if those memories i had were real, or my mind making things up in a drunken haze,” he laughed. He was talking about THAT night. Over five years ago. 

“You remember?” I asked, shocked that he hadn't said anything before. 

“I don't think anyone could forget a night like that,” He chuckled. I reached over and smacked his arm. That night, it had been, well, it had been an experience to say the least. 

“Tom! Eww!” I laughed. 

“No but seriously, why did you never say anything?” He asked me. I watched Harrison throw the ball, going straight in the gutter again and I shrugged. 

“Why didn't you?” I asked. 

“Fair enough,” He said as Harrison walked back over to the table. “What's wrong Hazza? Not winning today?” Tom laughed. Harrison rolled his eyes.

“Oh shut it Thomas, you're not doing much better,” Tom looked up at the scoreboard and saw that Harrison was in fact right, they were both losing miserably. Tom walked over and took the ball, hitting only a few pins after he threw it. The day was good, easy, not full of expectation and worries. 

----------

I climbed into the passenger seat of Harrison’s car as we dropped Tom back at his place. “So,” Harrison began. “Home? Or do you want to go on an adventure?” 

“What kind of adventure?” I asked, looking over to see a smirk on his face. It was a look I was far too familiar with, a devilish look. “Oh no,” I muttered to myself as we pulled away from the driveway and started driving in the opposite direction of home.

We pulled up in front of a hanger with a giant ‘Skydiving’ painted on the side. I laughed as he parked the car. “No, no freaking way am I jumping out of a goddamn plane Harrison Osterfeild” I told him it was completely serious. 

“What are the odds,” He smirked at me. 

“Fine, 1-100,” I said. 

He nodded at me and we both spoke at the same time. “77” 

“Your fucking kidding me Harrison, how did you even know that?” I demanded. He laughed as he got out of the car and walked over to my door, opening it. 

“It's your favorite number,” He said, smiling his cocky smile at me. I shook my head questioning what I had gotten myself into. 

We walked into the place and paid for the life threatening task and then sat through an hour educational video and then were walked through the equipment. We walked over to the area with the suits and were instructed to put them on. 

“I swear to god, Harrison. If I die, I'll haunt you,” I shot him a death glare. 

“You're not going to die,” He laughed. “Hey excuse me, can you take our picture?” Harrison asked a person walking by, who quickly obliged his request. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, a giant goofy smile spread across his face, I smiled as the phone flashed and the guy brought the phone back to Harrison. He showed me his phone screen. The picture was cute. I can't lie, but I felt a twinge of guilt with how much we looked like a couple, instead of the friends we were. I tried to push the thoughts out of my head, and try to enjoy this crazy ‘Adventure’. 

We got into the harnesses and strapped to the instructors and onto the plane. The plane ride was bumpy and loud, and when it was time to jump, Harrison insisted I go first. I planned on arguing, but the instructor gave me no time before jumping out of the plane. 

I expected to feel like i was plummeting to the ground, but it wasn't like that at all, i felt like i was hovering, staring down at the earth from far above. The wind and air smacked me making my hair fly all around and my mouth open unattractively. We fell for only about 45 seconds before the instructor pulled the chute. We glided down to the designated landing area, and once our feet touched the ground the instructor helped undo the harness. I looked around once the harness was off and found Harrison, whose hair was even crazier than mine. I ran over to him and surprised myself when I practically jumped into his arms. I felt alive for the first time in months. I pulled my face back a bit and found him and smashed my lips into his, kissing him like I had been thinking about it all my life, even though I hadn't. I broke my lips from his as he set my feet back on the ground. 

“That was exhilarating!” I announced.

“I can tell,” He laughed. A man walked up beside us and handed us two disks and a Polaroid picture. I wasn't sure what the disks were but when I saw the picture, I was shocked. It was of the kiss we had just shared. If anyone saw that picture it was sure to be a confusing conversation. “Come on,” Harrison said, grabbing my hand and pulling me back to the hanger to return the suit.

For the first time in a long time, I realized I wasn't dreaming of the past. I wasn't sure if I was happy or sad about that.

The next few weeks were spent like normal. I went to work, I came home, and we ate dinner. I was happier than I was before now though. Things between Harrison and I didn't.. change much, a few stolen glances and smirks every once in a while, but there had been no more kissing. Harry and I hadn't talked, I think we were just trying to give each other space. And I was thankful. 

I stood at my dresser putting on a faint bit of makeup for the game tonight, I was not dreading it, I was actually excited, to be back to normal. There was a knock on my door and Harrison opened it and smiled at me, probably thankful to see me in something other than lazy clothes. I had put on a pair of cute jeans, and a cute blouse. 

“What?” I giggled looking at him through his reflection. 

“I'm just glad you're back to your normal self, is all. The Hollands should be here soon,” he told me before walking away, leaving my door open. I rolled my eyes as I put on a blush nude shade on my lips. 

I walked down the stairs, and into the living room plopping myself down on the chair that was now my spot. There was a knock at the door and then it swung open and all three Holland boys came in, cases of beer in hand. I stood up and hugged Sam and Tom as they went to their seats, Harry stopped in front of me with wide eyes and a partially open mouth. I held my arms out for a hug and he quickly embraced me in his. I felt a surge of electricity shoot through my body as soon as our skin connected. I let him go and he backed away, but not before whispering “You look really good,” In my ear. And from the look on Harrison’s face, I could tell my cheeks had gone a rosy hue showing through the makeup that laid on my skin. 

We all got comfortable as Tuwaine pulled out the board game, a thing Harrison was known for doing. 

“You guys want to see some pictures and videos of when me and Nutty went skydiving?” Harrison asked, pulling out his phone. My stomach tightened hearing his words.

“You went skydiving?” Harry asked me. 

“We did,” Harrison told him, showing him various pictures and videos. Harry's eyes kept switching from Hazzas phone to me, and i wasn't sure if he was hurt, shocked, or both. 

“I had a Polaroid from when we landed too, but I'm not sure exactly where that disappeared to,” Harrison lied. It was pinned to the wall in his room next to a bunch of other pictures of all of us hanging out and doing random things. 

“That picture is cute,” Harry said dryly, and I knew he was talking about the one we took before the jump. He got up and excused himself to go to the bathroom. I waited a minute before making up an excuse to run up to my bedroom. Once I got there I saw Harry sitting on my bed, waiting for me. 

“Harry-” I tried to say but was cut off after he stood up and rushed to me, taking my face in his hands and slamming his lips into mine. There was a distinctive difference between Harry’s and Harrison’s kisses, and that was passion. I found my hands quickly tangled in his curly auburn hair pulling him closer to me, not wanting his lips to leave mine. His hands traveled down my back and to my ass, pushing me into him, with a force I missed. Oh god did I miss this. He grabbed my butt lifting me to him, and my legs went around his waist. He carried me to my bed, throwing me down before attacking my neck with kisses and suckling, surely leaving light purple hickies for everyone to see. 

“I don't want to date other people, I only want you,” he whispered. As he returned his lips to mine. 

“Harry,” I groaned. He lifted his head and stared into my eyes with his soft warm hazel ones. “I don't want to date other people either, but I'm not ready. For this.” I told him gesturing to what we are currently doing.

“That's fine, as long as you're not sleeping with Haz,” He said. I felt my blood boil. 

“What?” I asked, pushing him off. 

“I just don't want you sleeping with him,” He said again. 

“And so what if I was Harry? Do you own me? Are we even together? I’m free to do what ever the hell i please, and if its fucking Haz then that’s what i’m going to do,” i shouted at him. 

“Well is that what you want? To fuck Haz? You want to get back at me for fucking Olivia?” He yelled. 

“Maybe I do,” I said quieter. 

“Then make sure you do it five times so we can really be even,” He sneered as he stormed out of my room. 

“Fuck you Harry Robert Holland,” I yelled after him slamming the door and throwing myself onto my bed. I was shaking i was so mad.

God, I really couldn't catch a break. I pushed myself up and walked to my dresser and looked at my neck, thankful there were no marks to remind me of the things that had just happened. I ripped my shirt off and threw on a plain black hoodie and changed into a pair of sweats. I was not going to let him ruin game night. 

I walked down the stairs to find Tom, Sam, Tuwaine, and Harrison sitting in silence. “What?” I asked. 

“You OK?” Sam asked me first. 

“I'm fine, are we going to play or what?” I asked sitting down. 

“Are you curious where Harry went?” Tuwaine asked.

“Nope, don’t care,” I said coldly.

“He said he was going to-” Tom started but I cut him off. 

“To go sleep with Olivia again, yeah got it. Let's just play the game,” I said, wishing they would drop it. 

“Do you actually want to sleep with Harrison?” Sam asked, probably more out of concern for his twin's feelings than pure curiosity.

“If I chose to sleep with Harrison, it would have nothing to do with Harry, I'm not spiteful.” I said grabbing the golden peanut that Harry had gotten me for Christmas for monopoly. “Are we going to play?” I asked. I felt a rush of emotions as my closest friends stared at me waiting for me to break. “Okay, fine.” I said standing up. “I'll just go to bed,” And with that I stormed off to my bedroom. 

“Y/N!” Harry yelled as he came into the guest room of Harrison's house. “Please just let me explain?” He begged.

“Explain what? I don't want an explanation. I want you to go back in time and not fucking do it!” I yelled between tears. 

“Please? I'll do anything,” he cried. 

“You know, I slept with your brother, about a month before we were together, so just know our whole relationship. I was comparing you to him,” I spat. It was a lie, not the sleeping together part but the comparing part. 

“No you didn't,” he whispered, hurt spreading across his face. 

“It was the night of the Bastille concert,” I said coldly. 

“Why wouldn't you tell me?” he demanded. I shrugged my shoulders, not having an answer. He got up and left. I was sure I would see him again. But at that moment I wished I never would. 

I was only in my room for 15 minutes before there was a knock on the door. 

“Yeah?” I called out.

“It's me,” Harrison said as he came in, shutting the door behind him. “Tom and Sam left because the three of them rode together so they had to go find Harry. So me and Tuwaine decided to just call it. I nodded at him. 

“Sorry about game night,” I muttered. I felt bad, this wasn't the first time me and Harry had ruined game night, just the first time it had come to this extreme.

“No, I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure I instigated it,” He sighed sitting beside me.

“Yeah, what was that about anyway?” I was curious to know what he was thinking.

“When you hugged him, he said something to you. You blushed and I got jealous. I'm not sure why, but I wasn't thinking right,” he was looking down at the floor. 

“He told me I looked good, Harrison,” I laughed. He looked up at me with a dopey look on his face. 

“That's what made you blush?” he asked. I nodded laughing. 

“I didn't mean to shout about sleeping with you. He just accused me of it, and I got so mad,” I groaned, throwing myself back on my bed.

“He accused you of sleeping with me?” He asked. 

“More or less. It was more like ‘I don't want you sleeping with him’ like he just figured that's what I was doing, to get back at him. Cause we all know that's the kind of person I am,” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. 

“So you're saying you wouldn't?” he asked quietly. I was not liking the direction this conversation was going in. 

“Wouldn't what?” I asked, knowing full well what he was asking.

“Sleep with me?” I could almost hear pain in his voice. 

“Not to spite Harry.” I told him. Biting my cheek. Great another thing I picked up from harry. 

“But you would, if the time was right?” He asked me. I sat myself up so I could look at him. 

“Harrison, if the time was right, and things felt right, and we both wanted too. Yes I would probably sleep with you,” I told him, as  a sliver of hope sparkling in his eyes.

“How will I know if the time is right?” he wondered. 

“Um instinct? I don't know.” I laughed. He put his hand on my thigh, leaving it gently touching me. Was this the moment? Was I supposed to decide if I was ready to move on or go after Harry right now? I looked up at harrisons sweet face, with his gorgeous blue eyes and perfect blonde waves. “I don't know what to do Haz,” I whispered. He reached up stroking my face. 

“What feels right?” he asked.

I thought about it. What felt right? Did Harry feel right, or was he just safe. We had gotten into such a routine, that there was no wonder with us. The sex was phenomenal, but everyday life was the same day in and day out. Sitting here right now, with Harrison, felt dangerous and scary, but not in a bad way. When we had gone skydiving, that was an out of the normal thing, and it felt invigorating. Maybe all I needed was a lack of routine. Who knows maybe Tuwaine had been right and me and Harry had just been a time filler for what was to come. Maybe I was supposed to love Harry and deal with the fallout of our relationship to teach me a lesson. Maybe I'd sleep with Harrison and wake up a new person, or maybe I'd do it and regret it. It was a whole lot of maybe.

“Honestly, everything feels wrong. The only thing that has felt right in so long was when we went out bowling and then skydiving,” I told him.

“Do you need a little bit of adventure?” He asked. 

“Maybe I do,” I chuckled. 

“Pack a bag, with warm clothes. And a swimsuit.” He told me as he stood up and pulled out his phone. 

“What, why?” I asked, unsure of where he could possibly want to take me. 

“Let's go to Hawaii. Have our own little adventure. Get you out of this god forsaken funk.” He told me, placing a kiss on my forehead and then leaving the room. 

As crazy as the idea was, I did just as he said, I packed a suitcase, with my cutest clothes and packed my swimsuit. This could be an awful idea, to fly to an island with your friend, whom you clearly had some pent up feelings for. Guess we'd find out soon. 

I set my bag by my bedroom door and pulled out my phone. I must have had it on silent cause I had three missed calls from Harry and about a dozen texts. I dialed the number for my voicemail and listened. 

‘OK i know that that was shitty of me. Fuck. I just don't want to lose you, or see you with him,’

I rolled my eyes as it switched to the next message.

‘I know you don't owe me anything, but please, give me one more chance, to make this work,’

I wanted to give him another chance, I did, but not right now, I needed to do something for me. 

‘I love you. I will always love you.’ 

I hung up the phone and dialed his number. 

“Oh thank god, I'm so sorry,” He blurted as soon as he answered. 

“I'm going to go away for a few days. I need to think about what I want and what I'm willing to forgive,” I told him.

“Oh,” he said. 

“I do love you Harry, but we are not getting anywhere. It's like a game of who can hurt who, and neither of us are winning. So let's just call it quits. Take me out for coffee when I get back and hopefully we can start to sort this mess out,” I didn't wait for his response, because I knew if I did, he would change my mind.

part 3

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Idk if you do child readers or not but if you don't mind could I get Utsuro, Mikado and/or Nikei x child!reader? Sorry for bothering you-

I do! I got a real soft/funny idea for this--

.........

"E-Excuse me, sir?"

Feeling a slight tug on his blazer, Utsuro blinked as he looked down to see who it was. And he saw you, a small child who seemed to be elementary school-aged. Though you looked as if you've been on the streets for quite some time.

"Yes?"

"I just..w-wanna say thank you for helping me. I don't know how you..c-calmed those dogs down but...you saved me." You stammered.

This man did save your life after you were cornered by large rabid dogs. He just showed up and suddenly they were laying down, perfectly calm, even letting you pet them.

"...don't mention it." He responded in his usual cold way, waiting for you to be scared off by his lingering stare.

But you weren't.

"Where are you off to?"

"Not sure. I just wander this earth without purpose."

"I...feel the same way.." You remarked, letting go of his shirt. "Could I..?"

Utsuro was quite surprised by your request, and especially at the gratitude you expressed--which is something he's never received in all his childhood.

But as much as he wanted to be on his own, he saw you and realized...you were just like him: having nowhere to go and lacking purpose.

So he sighed, picking you up effortlessly. "Perhaps we can search for a purpose together." He decided, before leaving the alleyway. "The name's Utsuro..not that you would care but-"

"I'm [y/n]..th-thank you again, Utsu. But...can I call you Dad?"

The man paused for a moment, and during that split second-silence he felt genuinely touched...but he buried the feelings and shrugged. "If it makes you happy."

You grinned and clung to him as you continued on your way.

Unbeknownst to either of you, a certain journalist had witnessed everything unfold, taking notes.

........

"You better be serious about this Nikei. Don't guide us towards false hope with some ridiculous narrative--"

"I am serious! I saw him with my own two eyes!" Nikei slammed his notepad down onto the table. "He helped some kid who goes by [y/n] and...they're accompanying him now. I don't know where but..we'll have an easier chance of finding him. I don't care what happens to that street rat."

"Oh?" The wizard's mask formed a confused expression. "Why so hostile about an innocent child? Is it perhaps...you see yourself in them? Do they reflect the way you have grown up--"

"SHUT UP!!" Nikei's eyes were glowing red at this point. "That brat doesn't know the true power of his divine luck...and they aren't worthy of hoarding it all to themselves!"

"Ooooh..temper, temper.." Mikado tutted, joyful to know he struck a nerve. "Well, you should probably get to know this [y/n] before anything else. So go get a "scoop" on their connection to him. They're not a mere obstacle. Surely they know more about him than we do, no?"

".....you tried burning down two orphanages and suddenly you care about this kid's safety?"

"People change, Nikei. I see those extreme methods aren't necessary anymore. Now be on your best behavior out there. Don't wanna scare them off, you know."

The journalist gritted his teeth, despising the way Mikado treated him like a child. But he just collected his notepad and stormed off.

..........

"So..if you just want something, you can get it instantly?"

"More or less..that's my divine luck." Utsuro shrugged, sitting back on the sofa. "But it's not as fun as one would think."

"How so?" Your curiosity was seemingly endless as you sat beside him. "I thought..it'd make you happier. I know I'd be happy."

Even though he had nothing but the clothes on his back, he managed to get a small flat for you two. It was temporary, but at least he had a reason to rest after so much wandering.

He just looked at you for a few moments. Indeed, he remembered how naive he was back then--thinking of his luck as a gift, when in fact it became a great curse.

"I used to think that too. But..do you wish to learn why I'm like this?"

You nodded. "Yeah."

And he proceeded to explain how he grew up with his divine luck, becoming apathetic after learning that there's no process to what he does--like if he wanted to drive, he already knew how to without taking any tests.

So nothing had any meaning to him anymore.

He left out his attempts to off himself, for obvious reasons, and went on to say how he goes around helping people..but it's merely to pass the time.

By the time he finished, you could only frown as you hugged him. "I'm sorry.." Was all you could say.

"Don't be." He put his arm around you. "I'm..gonna take a walk. Wanna come?"

"I'm okay. My legs aren't sore anymore but.."

"That's fine. I'm just going to the convenience store. Anything you want?"

After you told him your favorite snack, he got up and grabbed the key, departing for the store.

For some time you just watched television, though your mind kept wandering back to Utsuro and his story. At least you know understood why he was the way he was.

But your musings were interrupted by a door knock. 'Is he back already?' You got up and went to the door, only to open it and see a completely different man there, with black hair and dressed in a sandy-brown coat and hat.

"Why hello!" He greeted with a smile. "Is uh..your dad home?"

"What do you want?" You answered warily.

The man seemed taken aback by your coldness, though he forced his grin. "Well I'm a friend of his! Nikei Yomiuri! Y'know? Ultimate Journalist--"

"Never heard of you before."

Ouch. That was a stab to the heart.

"I-I'll just ignore that comment..and get the point." He sighed. "I've heard of his talent of luck and I'm hoping to get an interview. Rumor has it he's helped a lot of people in his life, including you! So if you can tell me where he is I--G-GAH!!!"

With a swift kick to the nards, you scowled at him as he crumpled to the ground almost immediately. "He said he had no friends..so you're lying. I'm not letting anyone use my dad's luck for themselves anymore! Get lost."

Nikei was mumbling a string of unintelligible curses, but he managed to get up and walk away, finally leaving you alone.

You huffed and closed the door, returning to the sofa. Only a few minutes later did you hear it unlock as you saw Utsuro return with some groceries.

"Hey, kid." After setting the bags on the table, he turned around just in time to see you hug him once more. "Hm? What is it this time?"

"Nothing..I just...I promise I won't be greedy with your luck. And I won't let anyone else be, too."

He blinked a few times, stunned. But he smiled just a tiny bit as he reached down to pat your head.

"..thank you."

Finally, there was something in this boring, dull world worth living for: And that was you.

..........

"So..what have you learned?"

"Th-That goddamn..piece of shit...a-asshole has one hell of a kick! I swear to fucking god I'm gonna--!"

"Ahaha! If only I was there to see it. But it seems we have a true child of Utsuro on our hands."

[msmarvelwrites]

The Winter Ghost - Part 12

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn’t and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: swearing, ptsd, agnst

W/c: 2k

A/n: I want to personally apologise for this. But honestly, this was the most fun chapter to write. I’m in love with this and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. As always, thank you to @cutie1365​​ for all her help with this one! Also the POV between Bucky and the reader jump back and forth alot through this one I hope it makes sense! 

The several punching bags Bucky had mutilated last night lay in the corner of the gym, now collecting dust as he bandaged his bloody knuckles. He hadn't stopped thinking about you all night... Hadn’t stopped thinking about the Winter Soldier who fired those three lethal shots into his mission's chest. The Soldier he once was, fighting the monster he knew he’d always be. They could take his trigger words, but they'd never erase the incoherent and disjointed memories of the gruesome acts he had so willingly performed.

He tried to piece together that fateful mission. How could he forget? He could still see the twisted look on the man's face as his eyes rolled back into his skull, falling off the bridge and into the murky water beneath him, slipping farther and farther from view. At the time, he remembered thinking how easy it would be to dive in after him. He wondered if he hit the water, would it kill him? Surly not. Most likely, he’d survive… But a guy could dream. Sinking deeper and deeper into the cold waters would be so peaceful. He almost did it. But the blood curdling screams from behind reminded him of the task at hand. 

He forced himself to relive that moment, over and over until the ringing of bullets in his mind became melotic, trying desperately to remember her face. Every time, drawing a blank. His memory of her, nothing but a tangled mess of wires, too rusted and corroded to connect. A headache pounded behind his sleep deprived eyes, scolding him. But he couldn't stop. 

How could he not remember your face. Or the sound of your heavy sobs as you crumbled into a hollowed out version of the woman he’s now so fond of. You begged him, he remembered that. Your screams only to be washed out by the sound of his pistol. The drum of bullets used to be the only comfort to him, but now he would easily trade it for your laugh. The way you sigh, soft and smooth when he says something that makes you smile. The way your eyes crinkle when you're happy, or how your hair always falls in perfect ringlets around your face. He knows he shouldn't have let it get this bad, but it's too late now. You've ruined any other woman for him, and for that he was grateful. But now, as fast as you had stolen his every thought, you were gone.

Truly the better criminal. 

He saw you, only in passing as you walked by the kitchen. Your eyes fell to his and he could see the hurt behind them. He wanted nothing more than to run to you, explain, apologise- but Nat stopped him before he could. 

“Not like this, Barnes. Not like this.” She solded. He knew she was right. If you were to ever be able to look at him again, he needed to give you space to breathe. But Bucky was at a loss.

With Steve away doing God knows what, he wasn't sure who to turn to. It had been over a week since he had exchanged words with his best friend and though he missed him, he also hated what he had done. Deep, deep down, Bucky knew he was trying to protect him, but that didn't dismiss the complete and utter mess he had made. 

So there he sat, battered and panting on the gym floor as he tried to fight the urge to run to your room and beg for forgiveness that would never come. He knew it. Perhaps that was for the best. You deserved more than a ghost of who he once was. 

…………………………

Dirty plates and empty liquor bottles scattered your coffee table. You sat up, noticing Nat fast sleep on the small sofa in your room. Sam was sprawled on the floor with an old teddy bear Tom had won for you at Coney Island years back. He cradled in between his arms, soft snores slipping from beneath his lips. 

You spent the rest of the night eating contraband snacks and watching some gorey action movie you picked to drown out your inner dialogue. It didn't really work, but Sam’s earth shattering snores that came half way through the movie helped in its place. As you listen to his staggered breathing, you wonder about the girl you left behind all those days ago. The one who forgot everything, but your mind tormented you with the memory of. You wondered if there was still a piece of her hidden deep down inside of you, waiting to spring forth at any moment. She wasn't broken. At least not the way you are now and you wondered, only for a moment, if maybe you liked the pathetic person she was. If only because she had no recollection of her duty, her honour, and could run back into his arms and forgive him.

But that's not who you were anymore. 

Quietly, you snuck out of bed and ransacked through your dresser drawer for something to wear. Nat and Sam had helped you put some of your clothes away between shots of tequila. 

‘That’s a lot of plaid’, Nat complained,  pulling yet another flannel out of your box of clothes. ‘And leather, did you make it out of the nineties okay, babe?’ Sam laughed. 

Grabbing your favourite jeans and vintage AC/DC shirt you stepped into the steam filled bathroom. 

After getting ready, you tiptoed out of your room, quietly closing the door and silently cursing when it slammed shut. 

Damn your super strength. 

You whipped around, ready to bolt down the hallway when you slammed into a tall hard frame. You looked up, hoping- no, praying it wasn't…

“Hi.”

You physically recoiled at the sight. There stood Bucky, hair pulled back off his face and a big lopsided grin on his lips. 

What the fuck? 

“Hi.” You deadpanned, pushing past him and trying your very best to not run away screaming. You were stronger than that. You were the youngest in your graduating class, hired by S.H.I.E.L.D, trained by the best agents in the field, and a goddamn Super Soldier. You weren't running from Bucky Barnes. You did however turn quickly on your feet and briskly walk passed him.

“Hold up a sec,” he started.

You froze. Why did you freeze? You didn't need him to say anything to you. The damage was done, and yet, there you were, breathless on his every word. 

“What?” You spat through a clench jaw. 

“Uh, I need to talk to you…”

“Well, good for you.” 

“Yeah, uh- Listen, I know you remembered everything and I just wanted to say that...” His words faded into the background as you began to see nothing but red. He was really doing this right now. Apologising for murdering Tommy, for dragging you back to Hydra, kicking and screaming, for being the sole reason you're in this mess.

Okay so you created the serum against your better judgment… But you weren’t the one on trial here. 

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” You sneer, cocking a brow. 

“I- I just wanted to-”

“And I just wanted to have a fiance that wasn't dead. What did you think? You’d apologize for what you did and everything would just go back to the way it was. Huh?” He gaped at you in shock, “That I’d just forgive you and jump back in your bed? Did remember me, Barnes? Did you get off on kissing me after you shot him in the chest?” Your voice began to falter at that. Hurt and betrayal clouded your brain. 

“No, of course not.” He finally spoke. 

“No what? No that doesn't do it for the Winter Soldier?” You shouted. So much for quietly sneaking out. 

“Y/n, listen to me- that’s not who I-.”

“Show him to me.” You took two wide pases so you were close enough to smell his body wash as you clenched your fist, digging it so hard into his chest you were sure you’d leave a mark. “Show me the Winter Soldier. Show me the ghost story they tell their children so that they’ll behave. I know he’s still in there. Cumon, Buck. You can't honestly believe he doesn't control your every move. You're a monster, you're just too much of a pussy to admit it. But I know-”

In seconds your back hit the wall, his metal arm crushing your windpipe as he held you there. If it weren't for your strength you were sure you would have passed out from the sheer strength of his blow. He was seething, eyes dark and all emotion washed from his face. 

You tried to look scared, you really did. But there was something about that hollow stare that sent a shiver down your spine. Maybe you were the one getting off on the Winter Soldier?

“There he is.” You choked out. His face softened at the sound of your broken words, but before he could slip back to Bucky Barnes your bedroom door flew open. Sam and Nat came barreling out, guns drawn and ready to attack. When Nat realised what was happening she gasped. 

Bucky involuntarily dropped you, eyes wide in shock. You tumbled to the ground, finding your footing quickly and taking the opportunity to send a sharp kick to Bucky’s chest, rocketing him back. 

“Y/n I’m so sorry I don't know what happened.” A rouge tear escaped and rolled down his cheek only making your rage intensify. 

“Oh, but I do. You may have everyone fooled around here. Hell, you had me for a moment there. But that's gone now. Dead. I see right through your act. It takes a monster to know one.” You scoffed, driving your point. And boy, was it a home run.  

“Bucky, what the fuck!?” Nat snapped

“Are you okay, did he hurt you?” Sam was at your side, checking your neck for any injuries. You healed quickly, and so only a faint pink line wrapped around your throat, the only reminder of the scene that had just played out. 

“Fine.” You mumbled, brushing the dirt off your pants. 

“Y/n, let me explain-” 

“You're still here? Nah, man, stop talking. Get the fuck out of here.” Sam scoffed, looking at Bucky's broken frame. You didn't need the Falcon to fight your battles, besides you had won this one already. 

Bucky signed, knowing this was over. Nat eyed Sam while she walked the damaged man out of the hallway. 

“You sure you're okay?” Sam spoke when they were finally out of sight. You nodded, feeling your heart begin to pick up speed at the distance that was now between you and Bucky. 

“Okay, let's get you out of here for a little bit.” 

You followed Sam through the compound and out into the scorching African heat. Your mind was still fuzzy from your moment you had shared the Winter Soldier, your legs feeling like jelly. Maybe you should have taken your doctor's advice and kept up with those therapy sessions because God damn if that wasn't the hottest thing that anyones ever done to you. 

Like you said, it takes a monster to know one.

…………………….

“What the hell were you thinking?” Nat snapped, shoving Bucky into the kitchen. He didn't stumble, not like when you pushed him. 

She wanted to see him. He thought, but did not dare utter the words. 

“I don’t know Nat. She pushed a button, I lost control.” 

“Lost control? You almost choked her to death.” 

No he didn't. It takes six to seven minutes for brain cells to start dying. Ten for the eyes to start to pop out of their sockets before they would gasp their final- 

No. God no. He could hear the monster's voice in the back of his head. Always lingering. You were right, he was always there. Always watching. 

“But I didn't. So just drop it.” Bucky tried to change the subject but Natasha wasn't having any part. 

“You need to get your shit together. What the hell is going on with you? First Y/n beats you within an inch of your life and now-”

“You don't know?” He was shocked. All this time he thought they were both in on it. He thought at the very least you would have told her. 

“Know what?” She pressed. 

“I did it. I killed him.”  Natasha gapped at him so a moment before she cringed and looked away.

“Oh, god.”

......................................................................

A/N: Thank you for reading! And also shout out to @whateveriwant​​ for her support and all her amazing advice. If you haven't already, go check out her work. I feel like I drew a little dark Bucky inspiration from a few of her fics. As always feedback is welcomed! Reblog and like if you feel so inclined! 

@kalesrebellion​

@projectcampbell​

@calwitch​

[jeontaeh]

ONE¹

SPACE VOYAGE | VKOOK [LARRYVGL]

When 7 boys who barely know each other get stuck in a spaceship hurling through the galaxy for 6 months, things are bound to get messy

larryvgl © 2018

✫  ✬  ✭  ✬  ✫

Year 3418

"Oh yeah- oh yeah baby- keep going, aahh-" Jungkook moaned out, banging his fist against the steel wall of the storage closet while his head tipped back, eyes closed.

He felt warm lips around his cock, swirling a tongue around his length. Jungkook's cherry red hair fell into his eyes as he bucked his hips in a little, smirking.

"Yeah? Like that? Such a good girl for me," Jungkook smirked, as the girl sitting on her knees continued sucking him off.

The girl placed her hand on Jungkook's trousers- his stupid tight yet stretchy red pants he had to wear in this place. Jungkook bit his lip as he came into the girl's mouth, and she pulled off with a pop, making a slightly disgusted face.

"Wasn't that bad." Jungkook said, and the girl smiled back. "Sure wasn't, Jungkook." She whispered, and then Jungkook grabbed her waist and kissed her neck, and then reached for the door of the supply closet.

The girl scoffed. "Well? Aren't you going to get me off?" The girl snapped, and Jungkook sighed.

"Maybe next time." Jungkook winked at the orange haired girl, who looked pissed off as Jungkook walked out of the supply closet.

The supply closet was in the corner of the campus. The campus of University of Space Technology and Exploration. Jungkook was in his red clothes, a tight red shirt with a badge of the school's name on it, and tight red pants to match. Many people around, all holding their tablets while walking around with friends.

The university was in one of the Moons of planet Scora VZ2. See, many many years ago- the earth overpopulated and, like, everyone died.

However, scientists found various other galaxies and smaller planets for humans to reside in. Of course, the aliens were one thing (and perhaps we can just skip over the colonisation as it was FRIENDLY) but the food and oxygen and gravitational levels were normal, like in Earth.

This University was known to be one of the best. It brings out the best Galactic Navy in the galaxy. Not to mention, their planet is connected to all the other ones, having higher technology and better advancements than the 3rd world planets.

So, easy to say, Jungkook knew just being in this University meant he'd get an easy job. See, this University has four branches you can study.

MEDICAL. Medical students learn how to aid those during space outings and give medicine to those in need. They wear blue uniforms. 

COMMUNICATIONS. Now, the students learning Communications usually know more languages than just the Earth tongue. They can contact other planets and aliens and know how to spot life sources in various planets and how to communicate to them. They wear green uniforms.

ENGINEERING. Engineering students know everything about spaceships. They either built the structure or the mechanics of it. Very vital to be on board a spaceship. They wear yellow uniforms. 

And lastly, SPACE EXPLORATION. These guys know the ins and outs of how to explore, navigate, find life sources and interact with them. How to find if a planet is habitable or not. How to find if a planet has resources or not. They wear red uniforms.

So yeah, Jungkook studied Space Exploration. He was only in his first year, but honestly- it's not that hard. All they need to do is NOT die.

Okay, so it's VERY hard and Jungkook has, like, a 63% survival rate when he does his job. But that's not that bad, right???

"Yugyeom!" Jungkook called, seeing his brunette friend in the green uniform talking to some girl. The girl Yugyeom was talking to was giggling, until she saw Jungkook and her cheeks turned red.

"H-hi Jungkook." She said, and Jungkook just gave her a little smirk. Yugyeom turned to Jungkook, and groaned.

"Will you fuck off?" Yugyeom snapped, and Jungkook started laughing. He slung his arm around Yugyeom's shoulder, waving the girl goodbye and walking away with him.

"Anyways- you all ready for the big exam?" Jungkook asked, and Yugyeom sighed.

"Fell asleep during the practice class. Not at all. So much shit could go wrong. Dude- I'm not even completely fluent in Marsian. I'm so failing this." Yugyeom mumbled, and Jungkook snickered.

"Eh. I'll just have to manage the controls and yell 'Aliens! Ah!' and it'll be all fine." Jungkook said, and Yugyeom rolled his eyes.

"Anyways. Saw that chick you were hooking up with walk out looking pissed. Doesn't she have a boyfriend?" Yugyeom asked, and Jungkook snickered.

"Dude- has that ever stopped me before?" Jungkook asked, and Yugyeom sighed again. "Fair enough."

Jungkook laughed at his comment, but then bumped into someone, like head first bumped into someone.

Jungkook fell back a little and then looked up and saw a guy with silver hair and dark grey eyes who he bumped into. He was also in a red uniform.

"Watch it!" Jungkook snapped, and the guy just gave Jungkook an annoyed look and kept walking, some guy beside him.

"You watch it, red." The guy snapped back, and Jungkook rolled his eyes and kept walking with Yugyeom.

  ✭

"Watch it!" Some dude with bright pink-red hair in a red uniform snapped, and Taehyung just gave him an annoyed look.

"You watch it, red." Taehyung snapped back, seeing as the boy rolled his eyes and continued walking. The boy beside Taehyung huffed.

"Nice comeback."

"Shut up, Bambam." Taehyung mumbled.

"Relax. You're in space exploration. You have the easiest job. It's just a fake test." Bambam said, and Taehyung scoffed.

"Relax? You want me to relax?! They'll put us in a fake spaceship with six other strangers I don't know and we'll have to figure that shit out! I've been pulling all nighters for two weeks studying over this." Taehyung said, and Bambam raised an eyebrow.

"No you haven't."

"Okay, I haven't. But still! I stayed up till like, 11. And you know if I do shit my dad will kill me." Taehyung said, and Bambam just rolled his eyes.

"You're gonna ace this, Tae. Now come on- let's go get some food." Bambam said, and Taehyung nodded- and then accidentally bumped into someone.

"Ah shit- sorry," Taehyung said, and saw a boy with pink hair and glittery eyes dressed in green, who just nodded and walked away, his eyes looking a bit teary.

✭

"Ah shit- sorry," A boy with silver hair said, and Jimin just sniffled like a loser and nodded and rushed away instantly.

Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry- Jimin chanted in his mind, biting down on his lip as he walked in a fast pace, walking towards an orange haired girl who was standing nearby a water fountain.

"H-hi Lisa." Jimin squeaked, and the orange haired girl turned around, and Jimin instantly noticed how her hair was a bit disheveled and her lips were plump and redder than usual.

"Oh. Hey Jimin." Lisa said, almost looking a little.. annoyed? Jimin was confused, but he just gave her a smile, and took her hand in his.

"Hey.. listen- I know I've been so busy this last week stressing over this stupid exam. I didn't, I-"

"You didn't mean to tell me you rather study than spend time with me?" Lisa snapped, and Jimin gulped.

"I-"

"Just- ugh, fuck off Jimin." Lisa mumbled, and Jimin frowned to himself- but then just grabbed Lisa's arm again.

"Hey, I'm-I'm your boyfriend. Just talk to me-"

"Shut up, Park!" Lisa snapped, and Jimin stilled. "And stop touching me, it's fucking annoying. Why don't you just go study, since that's all you do?" Lisa grumbled, pulling her hand back.

Jimin felt like crying, and ohmygod he felt like such a pussy. "I-I-"

"I said Go. Away." Lisa growled- and Jimin nodded- feeling ever more angry with himself at how he flinched when she raised her voice.

"Yes girl! You show him! Girl powerrr," One of Lisa's friends giggled, and Jimin just turned around and walked away quickly- tears gathering in his eyes again.

She's just standing up for herself, Jimin. It's nothing. Respect her, Jimin told himself, feeling his eyes watery as he walked past some black haired guy, accidentally bumping shoulders with him- but not bothering to reply.

✭

"So then I said- you're not my mom! Turns out, it was a guy from the planet Fuurus dressed like my mom! I swear those goddamn aliens-" Jin started, and then felt a shoulder bump against his.

He turned and saw a pink haired boy walking away really fast, and just hummed and turned back towards his friends. His friends all laughed- and Jin just grinned.

"God Jin- you're so fucking funny." One girl said, and some other guys nodded in agreement. Jin nodded. "I know. Anyways, bye- I need to go study." Jin said quickly, and then rushed away.

"You're seriously going to study? Mr. Popular Kid is actually going to study?" A voice asked, and Jin turned towards Mark and rolled his eyes.

"Not all of us are geniuses, Mark. Learning medicine is hard, okay?" Jin said, and Mark scoffed. "You called yourself a genius every day!"

"That's true. Anyways- did you hear that weird nerdy guy's trying to be Captain? I overheard him talking to some dweeb outside the academy. No one this young can be captain." Jin snickered, and Mark laughed.

Namjoon, walking past Jin- and also overhearing everything he said- just sighed, ducking his head and walked faster. He knows he's young and he knows he's not 'mature enough' to be captain- but he knows he can be! So what if he's young! So what if he's... technically studying Engineering and isn't supposed to 'technically' run for Captain for another two years. He'll show 'em.

Anyways, for now- he needs to go study for that goddamn exam.

"What exam is everyone talking about, exactly?" Yoongi asked his friend, who scoffed.

"Dude, seriously? You need to stop drinking that weird alien alcohol stuff." Jaebum said, and Yoongi- having a flask tightened in his hand- just hummed and tipped the flask back between his lips, alcohol smoothening down his throat.

"Eh, whatever. You don't wanna see me sober, Jaebum." Yoongi said, and Jaebum sighed- because truly, he doesn't.

"Well, it's the exam everyone has to take. You get put in a group with six other students chosen at random, and you're put into a made up spaceship for an hour or two. They give us simulated problems and shit we need to face- and it'll show how 'worthy' we are of being in the Galactic Navy or whatever." Jaebum said, and Yoongi sighed, smoothening his green fabric down with his hand.

"Awesome. I get to scream in alien language for an hour. Honestly fuck this. Let's go get high." Yoongi said, and Jaebum laughed.

"Before the exam? Yeah, no. Not happening."

"Oh come on! We always got high before exams- how is this any different?" Yoongi said, and Jaebum pursed his lips.

"It's the official exam that shows our worth as something we've been studying for a year or four, Yoongi. For once, just be sober and do this properly." Jaebum said, and Yoongi just rolled his eyes, walking back from him.

"You do you, JB. I'm gonna go snort a line of co-"

Yoongi bumped into someone- and then turned around, a little annoyed. He saw a boy with orange hair, dressed in his yellow uniform- eyes big.

"Woah there. Watch where you're going." The guy chuckled, a warmth in his voice as he gripped Yoongi's side to save him from falling.

Yoongi gulped and nodded dumbly- seeing the boy just grin at him and then walk away- disappearing into the group of people.

"You okay?" Jaebum asked, and Yoongi cleared his throat.

"Yeah. Yeah! Just- um. Blanked out for a second there." Yoongi mumbled, and then turned around and took another swig of his flask.

Hoseok grinned at the black haired pale boy with eyes a little doey, and then turned around and kept walking- assuming he's never going to see him again.

"Dude- the list is out!" Jackson said- grabbing Hoseok's arm. "What list?"

"The list of people who we're working with for the exam tomorrow. The timings of when we have to go and everything. They sent it to us on our tablets. Just check." Jackson said- and Hoseok nodded.

He took out the little tablet, clicking on it and opening up the notifications to see the EXAM SCHEDULE. He saw all the lists, all with seven people in it. He scrolled down and down all the lists of names and groups and frowned.

"What the fuck?" Hoseok mumbled to himself- and then kept scrolling, until he reached the ast list.

GROUP : 103

TIMING: 7 pm - 8:30 pm

NAMES:

Kim Namjoon

Kim Seokjin

Min Yoongi

Jung Hoseok

Park Jimin

Kim Taehyung

Jeon Jungkook

Hoseok groaned, looking at Jackson. "Are you kidding me? I'm in the last group!"

Yoongi scoffed, sitting with his back to a wall as he saw the tablet. "I'm in the 103rd group to go! The groups in the end always do shit." Yoongi mumbled.

Jin let out a yell, throwing his tablet onto his bed. "Man! I'll miss dinner because of this goddamn exam." Jin said, and Mark laughed, sitting on his bed in their dorm.

Jimin was crouched on his bed, and then sighed when he looked at the tablet. "..I don't know any of them." Jimin mumbled to himself.

Taehyung laughed sarcastically, throwing his tablet at Bambam. "This couldn't be any fucking better! I'm the last group to go! At night! With a bunch of guys I've never met! Fucking great." Taehyung groaned, and then kicked the wall.

Jungkook looked at his tablet, and then turned it off and placed it back on the table. "Eh- it's not like I give a shit anyway." Jungkook snickered to Yugyeom, who just rolled his eyes.

Namjoon huffed, placing the tablet onto his table in the library, placing his head in his hands. "I'm in a group with a bunch of idiots."

Little did they know all the shit that this stupid exam would bring. These bunch of idiots were fucked.

  ✫  ✬  ✭  ✬  ✫

https://jeontaeh.tumblr.com/post/647225793724989440/two%C2%B2

[burnedbyshoto]

Revenge

Kinktober Day 28 ~ kink: voyeurism

pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader

warning: smut, cursing

word count: 4,825

a/n: .........so this is a part two from my other bakugou piece entitled Tease because why not :) as seen from the title, you get your revenge :)

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Bakugou Katsuki did not enjoy being teased.

Never once in his life did he enjoy having the lower hand. He hated feeling powerless, unable to act on things he needed. Bakugou was a dominating person and no one on this planet could say otherwise.

Bakugou was also eighteen years and very much in love -- shocking to everyone -- with y/l/n y/n.

You were the ray of sunshine to his bitter lightening and grey clouds. You were able to calm him with a simple touch of your hands. Your words a prayer to him that always switched his worst of days to the best of days. You completed Bakugou and he completed you. Bakugou made you more reassured with yourself. Always helping you commit to your opinions and didn’t let others overpower you. He helped you study for tests and you were not assaulted as Kirishima told you he was. Hell, he even helped you go to bed at a semi-normal time! Eleven at night instead of three in the morning.

But oh god, what Bakugou could not bring himself to understand was why you were sitting on Midoriya’s desk.

His eyes kept glancing back as he heard you talking with Midoriya and Sero. He couldn’t make out what you were saying because your hand was on his shoulder. Your fingers massaging soft circles into his skin. Your body leaning on his every other minute as you laughed. Bakugou didn’t think of himself as needy or desperate. He was a strong-willed individual who didn’t succumb to dumb needs.

But there was something that he didn’t like about the fact that you were laughing prettier than tiny bells. The way you pressed the side of your breasts into his back whenever you laughed. The way your fingers dragged his shoulders and back as you talked as if you were unaware of what you were doing to him.

Bakugou felt like he was under your spell despite you not doing anything.

His hand reaches up to grab your hand, and you slip your fingers through his. It warms Bakugou’s heart feeling your soft and smaller hands between his own. He can't help it as he presses a kiss to the back of your hand; your lips press against his cheek.

The classroom door slams open, and Aizawa walks in. He informs everyone to head to Ground Gamma while in costume for Hero Training class. Bakugou stands up to move, Hero Basics was for sure his favorite class, and he was punctual. So, it surprised him as he felt you hold him to his chair as everyone else filed out.

“What the hell are you doing?” Bakugou questions as the two of you are now the only ones in the room.

You slide off of Midoriya’s desk and wrap your arms around Bakugou’s lean waist.

Bakugou wishes he could glare at you, but can only get himself to roll his eyes and look away.

“Kiss me, ‘Suki.” You say as he feels you lean up onto your tiptoes.

“Shitty woman,” Bakugou groans, but still, his head leans down to press a kiss to your mouth. It’s short and sweet, but it’s enough for you it seems as you sigh contently as you pull away. Bakugou lets you slip your hand back into his as you walk to the wall. His eyes trail down to the slightly opaque black tights you were wearing. It wasn’t the standard stockings you normally wore. “Those tights are new.”

You glanced back at Bakugou who pulled his box from the wall. His vermillion eyes were now locked on you as you walked backward to your own box. His eyes narrowed at the coy look in your eyes.

“They’re actually stocking.” You say, as you turn around and bend over to grab your issued box.

Bakugou Katsuki could count on his hands the number of times he’s lost his breath. So far, you made up eight of eight times he forgot how to breathe. This made nine.

As you bent over, the small skirt that barely passed the curves of your ass exposed to Bakugou what exactly you were wearing.

What he thought were black opaque tights, were, in fact, black opaque stockings. They ended centimeters from the swell of your ass. They connected a lacy black garter, the thick material running up both legs. They smoothed over your ass. Disappearing to what Bakugou could only imagine being a high waisted garter belt. Then in between your delightful ass was the laciest black thong that Bakugou had ever seen you in.

Bakugou recovered quickly, as he always did, and his eyes flashed over to yours. You were still bent over, looking over your shoulder and grinned.

“Pervert.” You say as you arch up, and you swear you can hear a whine in Bakugou’s throat. You saunter over, your lips pressing a lip gloss stain against the corner of his mouth. “I do need to go, the girls will worry, and well… I need to get changed without them noticing my little treat for you.”

Now there was nothing in the world that should have Bakugou Katsuki speechless. But all he was able to do was stare after your retreating figure as you ran out of the room.

Bakugou Katsuki felt like this day had just gotten terribly longer.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Bakugou groaned as he was launched onto his ass by you again.

For some goddamn reason, this class was not going his way.

You laugh as you rise above him again, your arms pinned to your sides.

Today was leg day.

Leg day meant you were only able to fight with your legs.

Bakugou was a bit dependent on his arms and fists, so you were -- to put it kindly -- killing him out there.

You were smaller than him and were often forced to use your entire body to even battles, so it was no big surprise. It just didn’t make him feel all too great. There was also the fact that whenever you would duck under his kick, his mind remembered the terrific panties you were wearing. Then he’d choke up.

Grunting, he got back up, sweat pouring down his face as he glared at you. Thankfully, everyone was running through these exercises or else he would have felt a million times worse. Bakugou groaned as he saw you sink low, his own stance lowering as he tried to not fall for yet another trap of yours.

Unfortunately for him, you sprang towards him suddenly, your body outmaneuvering his own. All Bakugou could feel was your feet pressing into his gut and then he was on the floor. Your ass landing hard on his torso as you had him pinned to the ground. Now Bakugou was always grateful for the calm head-- at the very least when it concerned you-- on his shoulders when placed into situations like this. But you shifted back to stand up and your ass dragged against his crotch and he stiffened completely.

“Y/n…” Bakugou hissed as you snapped your attention towards you. Your face feigned innocence, but he saw the spark in your eye that told him you knew exactly what you were doing. “Don’t. Fucking. Do. It.”

“I can’t get up, Ground Zero.” You look offended by his words. Bakugou trembles slightly at the sound of his hero name expelling from your lips like that. “My legs are stuck in a weird position.”

As if to prove this horrible detail, you shifted again. Your ass further grinding into his crotch.

“Shitty woman!” Bakugou yelled. His sanity slowly crumbling as you continued grinding into him in your attempt to stand.

“Bahaha! Aizawa-sensei, Bakugou and Y/l/n are stuck!” Kaminari yells and Bakugou feels as if his skin is on fire as he pants.

Bakugou glares at you as you've been helped to your feet by your teacher, and Bakugou stumbles to his own feet. His breathing erratic and not at all calm.

“I need to go to the fucking bathroom!” Bakugou snarls as he storms off, the earth quaking with every stomp.

You stare at his retreating form. A coy smile on your face as he yells at Kirishima for asking about the binds still around his arms.

Phase two was complete.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Bakugou sighed as his hands shoved deep within the pockets of his pants. Nothing new at all.

His eyes low and head down as he walked through the busy hall. It was after lunch and he had eaten alone on account that you had ditched him today. He didn’t mind, Bakugou enjoyed eating alone!

After becoming friends with people like Kirishima and Kaminari he was never allowed to be alone. Those two idiots were always near him! Then when you became his girlfriend, the two of you always ate together. Of course, it was not the same as Kirishima and Kaminari; he enjoyed having you by his side as you ate. But today, you had run off with the other girls in the class leaving him alone.

Wanting to get back to the room to relax his mind for a bit, Bakugou had eaten quickly and walked back to the classroom.

What he expected was to walk through the hallways. Avoid people as normal, ignore the scared squeaks of first years as he passed them. Finally, get into the room and place his head down. What he didn’t expect, when rounding a corner into an empty hallway, was for a pair of hands to wrap around his wrist. The hands pull him into the janitor’s closet.

Bakugou's quirk went off immediately. His mouth pulled back into a pre-rage scream before a pair of lips pressed themselves over his own.

Bakugou knew every little thing about your body, and he knew exactly how you kissed.

“Shitty fucking woman!” He growled into your mouth.

While explosions still emitted from his palms, Bakugou kissed you back. The darkness of the closet and the oddly pleasant smell of bleach sinking into his nose as he kissed you.

“What? Expecting someone else?” You tease as your lips trail kisses up his neck.

“Like I want anyone but you.” Bakugou groans as your tongue licks against his skin.

“Good answer,” you murmur as you pull away before crashing your lips back against his own.

Your fervor lips press against his. Your fingers tangling into his unruly hair as you shoved him into the door. Bakugou’s eyes widened in pleasant surprise, he did enjoy the few moments where you were dominant. Allowing you to keep him by the wall, Bakugou’s hands settled on your waist. His fingers trailing down under the skirt. Bakugou grunted at the feeling of your supple skin and the lacy lingerie you wore.

What a fucking minx.

Bakugou hates how reactive he is to you. His lips moving with vindication against yours. His fingers pulling at the string and letting it snap against your skin. The resulting moans from your mouth make it worth it.

Your mind spins slightly at what you’re doing. Making out in the janitor’s closet was the most cliche thing you’ve done with Bakugou. Yet it makes your body numb with pleasure from the shivers running down your spine. Bakugou’s hands move to grope your ass. Your flesh molding under his hands as you shove him even further into the door.

His lips are a drug to you, addicting and have you longing for more as your tongue trails his bottom lip.

Bakugou growls as he opens up his mouth, his tongue shooting out and entering your mouth. You let him take control of your mouth, the dominance alluring as your hand trails down his chest.

Bakugou's eyes fly open as your hand palms him through his baggy pants.

“Y-Y/n!” He snaps as your lips reattach onto his neck.

“Yes, Ground Zero?” You sigh softly as your hand slips through his waistband.

Bakugou’s head slams back onto the janitor’s door as your hand grasps onto his cock.

It’s not erect or hard, but feeling your hot hand around his girth has Bakugou expelling harsh breaths through his nose. Trying desperately not to be affected.

“Fuck, Ground Zero...” You whine as your mouth peppers hot and wet kisses against his neck. Trailing down to his exposed neck as he still chose to keep the top button undone and wore no tie. Bakugou curses as your mouth sucks against his chest. Your hand stroking his length as he becomes harder with every touch. “You’re getting so hard for plain little me.”

“I’ll show you just what else you do to me,” Bakugou growls as your teeth nip at the same spot you had been sucking at.

“You don’t have it in you to fuck me in school, you fucking nerd,” you tease as the bell rings.

Bakugou’s eyes widen as you stare up at him, your eyes fluttering with unseen emotions.

“Y/n, don’t you fucking dare.” Bakugou threatens, his eyes wide.

He could get you both to come in less than five minutes if he tried his best. It would be the amount of time needed to get the two of you back to class.

“Sorry.” You apologize with a faux pout that he felt against his chest.

With a small pop, you disappeared.

Fuck your fucking teleportation quirk.

You shuffled between the crowds of students, your sudden appearance having gone unnoticed. But you swore you could hear the most guttural scream coming from the janitor’s closet as you scurried away.

Phase three was complete.

✩✶✩❇✩✶✩

Bakugou was stalking back to the dorms.

The top button of his shirt was fastened because you had left a fucking dark hickey on his chest that was very, very visible.

Worse yet, you had left the classroom before he could stop you. Only seeing your retreating figure holding onto Uraraka’s hand as the two of you raced away.

You had left him needy, desperate, and horny.

It had been a miracle no one noticed his boner. It was a miracle he had even managed to sit through the rest of school, his body on edge as he looked over at you by your desk. You sat diagonally in front of him, and he swore -- no he knew you were shifting as often as you were on purpose.

Then stupid fucking Raccoon Eyes talked to him for twenty minutes. She had gone off on a nineteen-minute tangent to see if she could wear his gauntlets one day. All because she wanted to see if she could create an “Acid Bomb” and of course Bakugou denied the thought.

But now, Bakugou was feeling completely insane. He would go as far as to say that he would fuck you in the common room if that’s where he found you.

So as he stepped into the dorm, everyone looked over at him as the door slammed open.

“Where the fuck is y/n?” He growled.

They all pointed upwards.

You were in your damn room.

Bakugou didn’t even hear their pleas to not explode on you as he stormed up the staircase. His quirk going off to get him to the fourth floor as quickly as possible.

Bakugou didn’t wait to even knock, choosing instead to throw open the door and storm in. His eyes locked on your form. You were by your desk. Your body now out of your uniform, wearing the same damn lingerie but you also wore as his fucking black t-shirt.

It flowed down your body, his shirt enveloping you within its fabric as you merely glance over. As if you didn’t know what was wrong. Bakugou snarled as he locked the door. His jacket throwing off his shoulders and backpack on the ground.

You turned towards your angry ash-blond boyfriend, welcoming his impassioned kiss as he had his way with your lips. His lips clashing against yours without mercy.

His hands trembling with suppressed emotions, with a greater need as he shoved you towards the bed.

“I’m going to fuck you until you can’t fucking walk,” Bakugou snarls against your mouth.

“Really?” You ask, sighing softly as his mouth attacks your neck. His teeth sinking into your flesh in multiple areas without mercy.

“Making me fix my outfit to look like some fucking dumbass extra!” Bakugou hisses as your fingers ghost over the exact area where you sucked his skin.

“I wanted every person to know you’re mine.” You laugh as his hands grip your ass as he picks you up and he sits down on the bed. You smirk as he forcefully grinds your hips against his.

“Like hell, I’d ever want anyone of them!”

“I know.” You giggle as your hands press against his chest.

While pulling away from his assaulting lips, Bakugou can only watch in horror as you teleport the two of you towards the corner of the bed. Bakugou’s head spins slightly from your quirk. In that moment of his disorientation, your hands snapped forward. Handcuffs snapped around his wrists.

“Y/n!” Bakugou yells as you roll off his lap.

You watch as Bakugou thrashes against the handcuffs. You grin as you sit out of his grasp. His chest heaving as he continues staring at you, desperation in his eyes as he continues staring at you. Your eyes travel over his body, how fucking good he looks with his hands over his head, how vulnerable he looks.

“I’m mad at you," you admit as you crawl back over his lap.

“Why the fuck are you mad, shitty woman?!” Bakugou snarls as you press your ass against his crotch. You slightly moan as the friction you desired from him was finally there. His own anger dissipating with your rolling hips.

“You had me on edge for the entire fucking day,” you sigh. A sadistic grin overcoming your face as Bakugou’s mouth flattens. You lost a competition and now, here the two of you were, now exacting your petty revenge.

Bakugou watched you, his nostrils flaring as you removed his shirt from your body.

“You know,” you sigh as your hair falls down onto your collarbones. You wear a black lacy bra that is most definitely showing off your aroused nipples. “I think the best part about you being into the entire voyeurism is that this is going to be the best, most painful thing for you to watch.”

Bakugou can feel his cock twitch at the meaning behind your words, and he watches as you lean in close again. Your lips press against his again, your hips rolling in a large circle against his hips. You smirk as you feel Bakugou resist his moan, his jaw trembling as you grind your cunt into his hips.

“I really love that you’re always so responsive to me.” You sigh as you pull away, your ass brushing against Bakugou’s hardening cock. “Now, you’re going to watch me fuck myself, and maybe… just maybe you’ll get to fuck me when I’m done.”

“Y/n…” Bakugou’s voice is low, it's a warning, and it only stirs you further.

Your hands move behind your back as you scoot back onto the mattress. Bakugou’s vermillion eyes are locked on you, his pupils blown open as you drop the bra from your breasts. His tongue licks his lips as your fingers trail down your breasts. They stop below the curve of the tissue as you sigh. Your fingers tease the bottom of your breasts as you close your eyes.

You imagine instead of your hands that they’re Bakugou’s. Strong and weathered, but unbelievably soft against your skin.

Your fingers tug at your nipples, rolling the skin between your pointer finger and your thumb as you moan. Soft electrifying sensations shooting through your body as you shift. Your hands continue massaging your breasts. Groping them between your fingers as a possessive groan escapes Bakugou’s lips.

Your eyes snap back open, amusement heavy in your eyes as your hand cups your right breast. Bakugou’s boner is restrained through his pants, but his arousal is very evident. Keeping your eyes locked on him, you lower your mouth to press gentle kisses against your supple flesh. His eyes flash in fury and lust as you do so, and the smile on your face only widens as he watches your tongue push out. Teasing the skin of your breasts as all he can do is watch on.

Dropping your breast from your hands, you feel it bounce, and you see Bakugou’s eyes follow the movement. His stare is so intense you could have thought he was trying to figure out the calculus behind your bouncing breasts.

“I was really excited to show you this new set,” you inform Bakugou as you remove the high waisted garter belt. The stockings on your legs immediately sag, and you take your time in removing the fabric. “I’m trying to find the perfect orange, black, and green set. But they only really have black,” you fake pout as you toss the stockings to the side. Your bare legs coming into contact with the cool material of your comforter. “I mean, I guess it’s okay that I can’t find any lingerie related to Ground Zero when I got him wrapped around my finger.”

Bakugou’s eyes narrow as your fingers hook around the lace thong.

“I’m just so happy that you’re going to enjoy watching me fuck myself.” You say as the thong comes off, joining the rest of your clothes on the floor. “Now, I hope you won’t tear your eyes away from me.”

A giggle erupts from your mouth as Bakugou whimpers softly as you lean back. Your legs spreading out to expose your dripping cunt to him. Your fingers run down your abdomen, your nails teasing rises against your body. All while looking at Bakugou you sink two fingers into your awaiting cunt.

“F-Fuck!” You gasp, your head already leaning backward from the intruding sensation.

It had been a while since you’ve last masturbated, and you sure had not had your fingers in your cunt in awhile. Your walls are hot against your fingers, your walls contracting softly against them as you pump in and out at an easy pace.

“‘Suki, you make me feel so good,” you whine as your hips rut against your fingers.

A needy sigh forms in your throat as you curl your fingers.

The new angle makes your body tremble as your fingers pick up their pace within your walls.

In and out.

In and out.

Your fingers brush against your walls making you fall onto your back, your chest arching off the mattress as you imagine it’s Bakugou doing this to you. That it’s Bakugou’s teasing fingers curling inside of you as you cry out his name.

Faster and faster your finger pump into you.

Your moans and cries are melodic as your other hand trails to your clit to rub circles into your puffy bundle of nerves.

The smallest touch to your clit nearly sends you off the high end. His name coming out as a harsh curse as you sob. Your legs nearly snapping together as you continue your assault on your pussy.

“Y-Yes, Bakugou -- ahhh that feels so fucking good -- I’m so close,” you sob. Your hips are coming off the mattress at this point as your juices slather against your hands. Your clit throbbing as you apply even more pressure. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

The sounds of your fingers driving into your soaked pussy is unbearable for you. The shooting pleasures ramming throughout your entire body as you quiver uncontrollably on the bed. Your jaw wide open as your eyes are screwed closed. Your fingers are not yours but Bakugou’s and you jerk up as the pressure within you snaps.

You come hard around your fingers, your body twitching in its wake. A resulting stammering breath rattling in your ribcage as you try to get your breathing back to normal. Your eyes heavy as you stare at Bakugou who’s staring at you. His eyes nearly emotionless as you chuckle.

Sighing you pushed your still twitching body off the bed, and walk to your desk. You grab the key and unlock Bakugou who is slow to rub his wrists that are somehow red and bruised.

Was he trying to get out the entire time you were doing that?

You squeak as Bakugou grabs your wrists and puts them into the handcuffs now. His uniform covered crotch grinding into your wet pussy as he snarls in your ear.

“I hope you had fucking fun imagining that it was me fucking you,” He snaps, his fingers sinking into your cunt and you cry out. Your pussy is still sensitive from coming off of your high. “I’m going to fuck you so well now, you’re never going to be able to use your goddamn fingers or toys again. I’m going to ruin you from everything else in this world except for my cock.”

“I -- shit ‘Suki -- find that hard to believe.” You challenge as your eyes lock onto his angry red ones.

His lips are over yours, possessive and angry. His fingers leaving your cunt as you hear his belt unbuckling and before you know it, his cock is teasing your entrance.

“I’m motherfucking Bakugou Katsuki,” your boyfriend hisses at you. “What I say is the goddamn truth.”

Before you could think of something witty to say, his cock slams into you and your eyes roll to the back of your head as he begins ramming into you. Your head throwing back as you cry against his throbbing hard length.

“And you better be fucking quiet,” He warns as his hips begin hammering into you without a second thought.

Unforgiving and relentless you stayed handcuffed for the rest of the evening. Bakugou Katsuki kept to his promise and made sure to permanently ruin everything entering your damn pussy for the rest of your life.

[hedgebtch]

     the magicians sentence starters.      part i.

there are more important things.

it's always something with you, isn't it? it's always an emergency.

your ability to think that we have the slightest molecule of control over anything never ceases to amaze me.

well, i'm sure you're a hit at parties.

i'm still high.

i am the angel protecting your future. tighten your shit.

you can't run away hard enough, can you?

everybody medicates.

am i hallucinating?

if you were hallucinating, how would asking me help?

thank god that you're confused too!

don't you want students who make actual inquiry instead of just accepting like sheep?

this won't hurt a bit.

quit dicking around! do some goddamn magic!

playing with time is such difficult magic. you'll just make it worse.

magic is real. but you've gathered that, haven't you?

so... 'be a magician'? is that illegal, or..?

are you guys trying to take over the world, or...?

if you want to take over the world, we don't teach that, but... give it a go.

why do you have all that nerd-boy dragon porn shit anyway? are you twelve?

hmm. he's not that cute.

do not come by our house if you have anything important to do the next morning.

maybe he should be scared.

we all signed this waiver. i hope you read yours. it says 'spell work is not unlikely to murder you. and if so, oh well'.

so stay on the garden path, kid.

let's go find something magic to smoke.

it's good to be aware that the world is inherently unfair.

you go back out there to the great big boring world, and you'll never find your way back without us.

i need you to tell them they were wrong about me.

god, were you always this smug?

you have no idea how long it took me to find a spell that was real.

you're hurting yourself, and you're not okay.

they cut off my life.

you thought the school was the only place to track the gift?

it's going to kill you. do you understand?

i know you feel you finally belong, but that place isn't the point.

you feel right because you're starting toward your destiny. that's all.

seek real answers that will help you fight!

i really don't want to get kicked out.

i really don't want to be the guy who dies in the first ten minutes of the movie because he's like 'you know what? let's take out the ouija board. what could possibly go wrong?'

i'm obviously coming with you.

great, well. that makes me feel a whole less nervous.

there's no such thing as safe magic. you should know that.

might as well take a risk.

did you think that i came here because i just love magic so much?

i got that you guys need some extra hands or something.

let us know if shit gets exciting.

so what is this place exactly, besides a health hazard?

you ask a lot of questions.

i'm waiting for something interesting to happen.

now, it is so well stocked, it's like the end of the rainbow.

i know we're not supposed to fire off battle magic, but... i mean, come on.

we live in a world that is one world among many.

we do not know the exact nature of this entity, only that it is powerful and malevolent.

jesus, you didn't tell me you were dangerous.

we're stuck, and they're trying to kill us, so--

these people are not murderers. trust me.

there's a bad story every few years around here. i'm not sure that's avoidable.

it's amazing i survived as long as i did not knowing that i was a magician.

he died instantly and i ruined my favourite button-down.

funny little irony they don't tell you -- magic doesn't come from talent. it comes from pain.

so, do you know what it was, the thing that attacked you?

i thought you might be familiar with some pretty crazy shit, since your family...

i just want to be your friend, i guess.

jesus christ, they're gonna kill us. why did i sign up for this?

just let us out.

don't be stupid.

you have to find your way out.

look, if you can't get through this, you definitely can't deal with what it takes to do what we do.

we could not have screwed up that spell worse, and we can't take it back, and --

you should hate me right now.

honestly, growing up, the last thing i wanted to do was read fantasy.

i mean, look, we called something from another world. i don't know, can that really be a coincidence?

don't get caught.

i can't get kicked out.

you don't understand how mind-blowing that is!

i know i don't know you that well, but i know you're not the type to scare easy.

let's just say life wasn't exactly nonstop fun growing up.

why would you leave the only place with experts that might actually be able to help you with this?

if you're guilty, i'm guilty.

this is serious for some of us.

okay, you know what? i'm not interested in your personal issues.

come on, let's go before we freeze our tits off.

i found the most interesting thing buried in our woods.

i know they're your friends.

i can do nothing in this moment to stop the comet from crashing into earth, is there?

word travels fast when your life's over.

who would want to know that magic exists if there's nothing you can do about it... you know, if there's no one to teach you or help you?

you do not have to make me feel better, we -- really, we basically just met each other.

i bond fast. time is an illusion.

how about i find you and seduce you and so lift your spirits and life retains its spark for decades?

i need you to remind me that magic is real.

let's find a way out of this shit hole.

you piece of shit! you ratted me out!

who shot off that spell?!

scissors make a shitty screwdriver, by the way.

i'm done trying to prove myself to you.

you're smart. you're passionate. you question things.

you messed with my head!

how am i supposed to trust you?

why would you ever trust anyone?

i am willing to teach the right people everything i know... and i know a lot, because i have certain connections in certain places.

you want a drink?

hey, have you ever heard of karma? well, sometimes, it's instant.

you're a heartless bitch.

get me everything on this list, this week.

i kind of screwed that up.

you're a much better liar than i expected you to be.

you're not very remarkable.

you're so eager to belong, you even forget why you're here.

i've looked into that beast's eyes.

do you think you have a destiny?

i used to believe that crap too when i was young.

there is no destiny. no born heroes.

learn fast, by any means necessary.

relax, nobody's taking your mind today.

we'll make something of you yet.

don't hop back on the garden path like some little lemming, or i'll erase everything and start you over entirely, for your own good.

everything's connected. don't over-think it.

hope your bits are covered.

i knew he'd come, but i swear i didn't know so soon.

no one is ready. we need more time.

this is all my fault.

this is your problem that you should solve!

join the party, sad sack.

we're so drunk!

[fandom-necromancer]

Sometimes broken is perfect

This was prompted by the wonderful @sparklingrainbowdragon! Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Jerry/Ralph (Warnings: description of domestic abuse by partner (neither from Jerry nor from Ralph))

‘Why can’t you be normal?’ ‘Normal?’ The silence following was a stark contrast to the screaming before and Ralph was very self-conscious about having rung the bell. None of them seemed to have heard the ringing over their argument and Ralph contemplated whether he should press the button again or wait for a better time. But it was the right date and the right time, Jerry had told him he would be free now to help him settle in. So, he rang the bell again. ‘Babe I-‘ the ringing interrupted him. ‘I didn’t mean it like that, sorry! I… I love you, you know that? Just… You are so different and I…’ ‘They are waiting.’ ‘Right. Jerry, darling, let’s talk about it later, okay? Please, I didn’t mean it.’

With that the door opened and Ralph immediately ducked, embarrassed and feeling out of place. Android tears didn’t leave their eyes red and puffed, but he could still make out the hastily wiped away wet spots. ‘Hello, we’re Jerry’, the android greeted with a forced smile. ‘We are sorry you had to hear that. We… had an argument, it doesn’t happen often, we swear! You must be Ralph?’ He nodded, shouldering his small bag of belongings and lifting his box. ‘Come on in!’ Ralph followed the other and closed the door behind him.

‘This is Marc, my boyfriend.’ The android sitting on the backrest of a couch gave him a little wave, then Jerry led him on. ‘This here is my room, down the hall is the bathroom and kitchen. We will share them together with the living room. This is yours.’ Jerry showed him a chamber with a bed and a desk. It wasn’t much, but it was far more than Ralph was being used to. It was his own and only his. ‘Thank you’, he said as Jerry handed him the keys. ‘Ralph is sorry, did he come at a bad time?’ Jerry cocked his head, but otherwise just smiled. ‘No, no, I mean it’s our fault, we told you this was a good time. We’re sorry, this really doesn’t happen so often. Marc… he is a really nice man. We just argued about… well, it doesn’t matter, but we’re so sorry.’ ‘It’s alright. Ralph doesn’t mind. Ralph will go unpack then.’ ‘Yeah… Good idea. Err… call us if you need anything!’

Ralph did unpack all his belongings, but he also kept an ear out for more screaming. He did mind, but that wasn’t something to say in the open. He just hoped it was true and that it happened only rarely. He had managed to place all his little plants on the windowsill as the front door slammed shut. It wasn’t his business though, so he continued placing the larger ones until he was content with their arrangement. With that the box was empty and all that was left to place were the things from his bag. He left most of it inside for now and only took out a small lime-green watering can. Then he left for the kitchen with it. Apparently, the boyfriend had left, and Ralph couldn’t help but feel relieved at the fact.

When he entered the kitchen, there suddenly were two Jerrys. Ralph may have stared a little too long, because one of them pulled a face and started explaining: ‘We should have told you before, but we are a hivemind, we share multiple bodies. We hope that is okay, you will likely see a few of us in the flat at the same time.’ ‘Oh, okay’, Ralph shrugged. ‘Can Ralph keep his watering can by the sink or do you mind?’ Apparently, Jerry had expected more questions, but caught on quickly. ‘Yes, of course. We don’t mind!’ Ralph just nodded and put it somewhere it wouldn’t be a hindrance, before retreating to his room again.

-

It happened again a few days later. Ralph had come home from his gardening job and had stepped out of the shower to wash away the earth from his hands. He was currently watering his own plants, as the door opened, and two pairs of angry steps came bursting in. ‘I told you it creeps people out! I don’t want to go to a party and be a part of your freakshow! I don’t want to explain to people how living with multiple people feels like! Goddamn, I’m not some gangbang enthusiast, I just don’t want to be looked upon like that!’ ‘But We’re only one person!’ ‘No! You are several units that humans forced to mindshare. Aren’t you free now? Why don’t you act like other androids?’ ‘This is just how we are!’ ‘No! This is how you have been! I want you; I don’t want them!’ ‘But we are them! We can’t work as a single unit!’ ‘Bullshit, every android can live alone. Don’t you fucking come at me with that card! Don’t you hide behind that excuse!’ There was a dull thud as if someone had been pushed against a wall.

‘Oh, my god. Oh, my god, babe, I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry. I don’t know what overcame me. Please, let me help you up…’ ‘Leave.’ It was silent, nearly inaudible for Ralph. ‘Babe, I-‘ ‘Please, leave.’ ‘Darling.’ ‘We can talk about it tomorrow, okay? I’m tired.’ Jerry really sounded exhausted. ‘Of course.’

Ralph sat in his room, hugging his watering can tight. He needed more water ever since they had entered the flat but hadn’t dared to leave just yet. Now that the door had fallen shut again though, he slowly opened the one to his own room. Jerry were sitting in the hallway staring straight ahead at the other wall. They only looked up as Ralph carefully stepped outside. ‘Are you alright?’, Ralph asked as general as possible. ‘We will be’, Jerry muttered, trying to get up and stopping as Ralph held out a hand for them to take. To his surprise, Jerry took him up on the offer. ‘He didn’t mean it. Work left him frustrated and tired and we really shouldn’t have brought more than one unit to the party. It was… We didn’t think about the effects and… We’re sorry.’ Ralph thought about how he could help. It wasn’t his place to judge them. So, he held out his can. ‘Do you want to help me water the plants? It relaxes.’ Jerry looked at him with slight bewilderment, but otherwise shrugged and nodded. ‘We could try.’

-

It had helped, Ralph tried to convince himself. It had helped them momentarily get their mind off the matter. But it did little to ease his own when he had heard them fight again and again. It never got violent, at least not more than pushing the other around. But he knew that didn’t diminish the pain it all caused.

Not when he could hear his roommate cry at night and how in the little time, he knew them, it was evident he became less enthusiastic and cheery. Also, the amount of time he saw Jerry’s other units around the flat was plummeting. Ralph wished he could help them better, could do something more to get them out of their situation, but he was too afraid to get involved. What if he was the reason worse happened if he made a move? He couldn’t bring himself to be more than a witness. To listen to Jerry’s cries and try to make it better when their boyfriend wasn’t there.

He couldn’t help but hope that Jerry would stop seeing him. Tell him to leave the flat or leave him altogether the next time he dared to do something to them. But he couldn’t just say that, not when Jerry was so sure on the man to be someone he evidently wasn’t. Not when he had no experience at all in these matters. He couldn’t say something to Jerry or their boyfriend, no matter how much he wanted to. He would just make it worse.

But that didn’t make it better either.

One evening he came late home from work because he had agreed to help the elderly woman whose garden he cared for with the groceries. Her son was out of town and Ralph didn’t have anything else to do either. Not wanting to go back home where he would spend his evening in his own room until Jerry’s boyfriend left, surely was another reason on top of that. That meant he came home at the same time they were screaming in the hallway. Jerry’s boyfriend was crowding the android and was shouting his by now usual phrases: ‘I don’t understand you! I don’t fucking understand you! You are weird. I once thought you were just joking, but you seriously enjoy these things? Damn, man up. I can’t believe it.’ ‘And what should I do in your opinion?’ ‘I don’t know! Be normal!’ The man raised his hand. ‘Stop it with the “we” and “us” you are one person! Stop being so fucking weird and-‘

‘You are drunk.’ Ralph had closed the door behind him and had watched the scene unfold. He hadn’t planned on voicing his observation, but it was too late now. ‘What’s it to you?’, Marc tried to shut him down. ‘Leave us alone.’ ‘Ralph’s room is behind you’, the android reminded him. ‘Then fuck off somewhere else, go for a walk, I don’t know!’ ‘Ralph can’t do this’, the WR600 stated. ‘Maybe Ralph should really overthink that and go be a baby somewhere else’, the man retorted, a threat underlying in his mocking tone. ‘Ralph would advise you doing the same thing. Before doing something, you’ll regret when sober.’ The man seemed to have forgotten Jerry was still there, as he turned towards Ralph, who regretted saying something and at the same time was glad he finally had found the courage. He was scared, as he towered over him, but Ralph had been scared before. He had to keep his calm, just like the androids at New Jericho had taught him. He had to stay himself and not do what he did with the humans that had made him deviate. He had to remind himself that if anything happened, it would be just another scar on his already ruined hull.

‘It’s a good idea, Marc’, Jerry carefully stepped in. ‘I will call you a taxi. We will talk about it tomorrow, okay? Later.’ ‘Later’, the man grumbled then and shouldered past Ralph out of the door. The moment the lock connected, Jerry let themselves slide down the wall. Ralph, not quite sure what to do, sat down next to him with appropriate distance in between. ‘Thank you’, Jerry sighed after several moments of silence. ‘We… We don’t know what he would have done today.’ ‘Do you love him?’, Ralph dared to ask. Jerry looked up to the ceiling, resting the back of their head against the wall. ‘We do. We still do. Must be confusing, hm?’ ‘Yes. Ralph doesn’t really understand’, he admitted. ‘We love… we still love the man Marc once was. And sometimes he still surfaces. That’s when we think this could still work and stay another day. We know he isn’t good for us.’ ‘He doesn’t accept what you are. He shouts at you and you are crying more days than you aren’t because of him. That’s not love.’

Jerry laughed, but it wasn’t amused, it was desperate. ‘That’s not how it works in real life. You choose someone you think is perfect, but if you expect them to stay perfect forever, you will be disappointed.’ ‘But shouldn’t a partner make your life better than it was when you were alone? Or at least not make it worse?’, Ralph asked. ‘It’s still hard to decide when you never knew normal’, Jerry said. ‘My life before the revolution wasn’t the best. Some days with him were really nice. When I’m not doing things that offend him or get him frustrated with me.’ ‘But is it worth playing that role?’, Ralph murmured. ‘Ralph can’t stand hearing you cry at night.’ ‘You can hear… We will try to be quieter.’ ‘No! Ralph meant he can’t stand knowing you are sad.’

‘Oh’, Jerry said in surprise and blushed slightly. ‘You do?’ ‘Yes, Ralph hates it if people are sad. Or scared. Ralph scared people for a long time. Humans did this to Ralph’, he said and pointed at his face that he normally hid under a cap. ‘And he has been… Ralph is not broken, but also not really functioning right. Jericho helped. Androids helped Ralph stay himself.’ ‘We are sorry.’ ‘It’s okay. Ralph is okay now. But Ralph wants to help you. Ralph wants to see you happy.’ ‘You want to… Why?’ ‘Ralph wants everyone to be happy. But now that you said you don’t know how that feels like, I really want to make you happy.’ ‘Why? We’re just your roommate. We haven’t even lived long together.’ Ralph sighed. ‘Ralph doesn’t really know it himself. But you look nice smiling. Ralph likes how easy you are enthusiastic about something and you look cute when…’ Ralph trailed off, realising how highly inappropriate it was to voice his feelings right now. ‘You are kind’, he therefore concluded. ‘And a kind person should be treated likewise.’

‘That’s very sweet of you’, Jerry whispered, looking at his shoes. ‘Unfortunately, no one would treat us like that. Marc is right in at least one aspect: Us being a hivemind would push people away. We are too different to other androids.’ ‘Ralph’s still here’, the android commented, side-eyeing the other. ‘What?’ ‘Ralph doesn’t mind you being different. Ralph thinks it is something unique that should be treasured.’ ‘And you are not just saying that to make me feel better?’, Jerry asked sceptically. ‘It’s one reason’, Ralph admitted. ‘But it’s also the truth.’

‘Then I agree. I should dump the asshole.’

[rkplaced]

THE  MOST  POPULAR  GIRLS  IN  SCHOOL  SENTENCE  STARTERS.

rp  starters,  taken  from  mpgis  season  one. feel  free  to  change  pronouns  or  other  words !

the  new  girl. ❝  i  am  ...  so  ...  pretty.  ❞ ❝  um,  excuse  me ?  ❞ ❝  who  the  fuck  are  you ?  ❞ ❝  i  asked  you  first.  ❞ ❝  i  asked  you  second !  ❞ ❝  i’m  ______.  i’m  new.  ❞ ❝  who  the  fuck  let  you  in  here ?  ❞ ❝  so.  ______.  let  me  tell  you  how  things  work  here.  ❞ ❝  i  already  know  how  things  work  around  here !  ❞ ❝  this  is  me  telling  you  that  you  need  to  learn  your  place.  ❞ ❝  i  already  know  all  those  things !  ❞ ❝  you’re  not  from  around  here,  are  you,  ______ ?  ❞ ❝  okay,  _____.  just  ...  what  the  fuck  do  you  want ?  ❞ ❝  fine.  but  know  this:  i  do  not  like  you.  ❞ ❝  i  feel  indifferent  towards  you.  ❞

french  class. ❝  you  know  what,  ______ ?  i  respect  you.  ❞ ❝  stop  trying  to  change  the  subject,  ______ !  ❞ ❝  in  exchange  for  that,  you  have  to  watch  a  whole  episode  of  glee  with  me.  ❞ ❝  what ?  that’s  not  even  a  fair  trade,  you  like  gossip  girl !  ❞ ❝  that’s  not  true !  ❞ ❝  I  LOVE  GOSSIP  GIRL  SOOO  MUCH !  ❞ ❝  SHUT  THE  FUCK  UP,  ______ !  ❞ ❝  hey,  um,  gossip  girl  is  a  good  show !  ❞ ❝  you  are  not  my  boyfriend  anymore.  ❞ ❝  god,  i  wanna  fucking  murder  you.  ❞ ❝  hey,  ______,  do  you  wanna  go  out  on  a  date ?  ❞ ❝  it’s  a  fucking  french  word,  you  little  bitch !  ❞ ❝  ______  just  broke  up  with  me.  ❞ ❝  my  people  know  very  much  about  suffering.  ❞ ❝  when  i  get  through  with  that  piece  of  shit,  he’s  gonna  wish  his  parents  went  through  with  that  move  to  st.  louis !  ❞

sister  act. ❝  what  the  fuck  do  you  want,  ______ ?  ❞ ❝  i  heard  that  you’re  going  around  calling  me  a  fucking  liar !  ❞ ❝  where  did  you  hear  that ?  ❞ ❝  i  said  where,  not  when,  you  idiot !  ❞ ❝  suck  it !  ❞ ❝  it’s  so  good  to  see  you !  ❞ ❝  oh,  no.  no.  we  are  not  doing  this  again.  ❞ ❝  seriously,  who  the  fuck  is  watching  the  door ?  ❞ ❝  how  do  you  know  about  that ?  ❞ ❝  it  smells  terrible  in  here.  ❞ ❝  anyway,  i  want  an  apology.  ❞ ❝  you  are  a  fucking  liar !  ❞ ❝  i  didn’t  believe  that  for  a  goddamn  second !  ❞ ❝  fuck  you.  ❞ ❝  wait,  what’s  going  on ?  ❞

the  most  popular  boys  in  school. ❝  god  damn  it,  ______,  who  let  you  in  here ?  ❞ ❝  i  ...  i  thought  you  were  gonna  say  ❛  what  are  you  looking  at,  ❜  &  then  i  was  gonna  say  ❛  not  much.  ❜  ❞ ❝  no,  ______.  ❞ ❝  the  fuck  kind  of  name  is  ______ ?  ❞ ❝  i  don’t  play  by  your  rules,  man !  ❞ ❝  suck  my  dick !  ❞ ❝  i  guess  we  see  who  the  real  man  is  here,  don’t  we ?  ❞ ❝  i’m  a  real  man !  i’m  not  afraid !  ❞ ❝  i’m  not  saying  anything.  i’m  ...  i’m  just  saying.  ❞ ❝  i’m  going  to  shower.  ❞ ❝  why  don’t  we  take  a  poll ?  i  vote  no.  ❞ ❝  i  vote  no,  too.  ❞ ❝  fuck  no !  ❞ ❝  i  always  believe  in  giving  people  the  benefit of  the  doubt.  ❞ ❝  you  ask  this  every  week !  ❞

$57  lunch. ❝  i  am  going  to  reiterate  a  point  that  i  make  to  you  twice  a  week.  ❞ ❝  yes,  i  suppose  that  will  suffice.  ❞ ❝  i  like  your  top.  ❞ ❝  um,  ______,  you  haven’t  paid  yet.  ❞ ❝  oh,  don’t  worry,  i’ll  take  care  of  it.  ❞ ❝  what  the  fuck  was  that ?  ❞ ❝  oh,  jesus  christ,  is  that  a  fucking  gremlin ?  ❞ ❝  whatever,  just  ...  no  one  feed  that  fucking  thing  after  midnight.  ❞ ❝  this  is  an  emergency !  ❞ ❝  i  told  you  never  to  talk  about  that !  god !  ❞ ❝  i  will  cut  a  bitch.  ❞ ❝  is  this  gonna  go  on  much  longer ?  ❞ ❝  i’m  in.  ❞ ❝  can  i  go  eat  now ?  ❞ ❝  there’s  nobody  here.  ❞

the  letter  zero. ❝  why  don’t  you  give  me  a  fucking  break,  okay ?  ❞ ❝  can  i  help  you ?  ❞ ❝  what  the  fuck  is  that  supposed  to  mean ?  ❞ ❝  i  don’t  give  a  fuck !  ❞ ❝  oh  my  god,  thank  god  you’re  here !  ❞ ❝  not  right  now,  ______.  ❞ ❝  yeah,  you  cursed  me  out  in  the  bathroom  earlier  today.  ❞ ❝  i  thought  we  had  a  connection.  ❞ ❝  anyway,  ______,  i’m  glad  i  ran  into  you  here !  ❞ ❝  ...  oh.  that  makes  a  little  more  sense.  ❞ ❝  what  the  fuck  is  going  on ?  ❞ ❝  why  was  i  not  consulted  about  this ?  ❞ ❝  we  have  new  vending  machines  on  campus,  they  take  credit  cards  now.  ❞ ❝  fuck  no,  you  guys  are  assholes !  ❞ ❝  congratulations !  ❞

the  least  popular  girls  in  school. ❝  oh,  ______,  our  plan  is  coming  together,  like  ...  so  good.  ❞ ❝  it’s  so  diabolical,  there’s  so  many  twists  &  turns !  ❞ ❝  it’s  like  we’re  the  two  new  characters  on  gossip  girl !  ❞ ❝  but  we  are  more  beautiful !  ❞ ❝  teen  wolf  is  starting.  ❞ ❝  i’m  recording  it  on  the  dvr  so  i  can  fast  forward  through  commercials !  ❞ ❝  well,  i  know,  okay ?  ❞ ❝  oh,  uh  ...  hey,  ______  ...  how’s  it  going ?  ❞ ❝  i  guess  ...  better  than  you.  ❞ ❝  well,  if  we  ever  have  a  special  on  meat  salad,  i’ll  let  you  know.  ❞ ❝  don’t  erase  my  dvr !  ❞ ❝  bye,  ______ !  ❞ ❝  yeah,  that’s  right !  walk  away !  like  a  bitch.  ❞ ❝  what  the  fuck  did  you  say ?  ❞ ❝  oh,  no,  nothing,  i  just  said ...  i  just  ...  ❞

3rd  grade. ❝  oh  my  god,  ______,  are  you  okay ?  ❞ ❝  you’re  fucking  kidding,  right ?  ❞ ❝  it’s  about  time  people  start  feeling  sorry  for  me.  ❞ ❝  i  feel  terrible  about  this.  ❞ ❝  ______,  looks  like  we’re  playing  pokémon  cards  again.  ❞ ❝  this  is  some  bullshit  right  here.  ❞ ❝  you  are  nothing,  ______.  ❞ ❝  hand  it  over.  ❞ ❝  oh,  son  of  a  bitch,  bastard,  oh  my  god !  why  me ?  why  now ?  does  god  hate  me ?  oh,  jesus  christ !  ❞ ❝  what  the  fuck  is  wrong  with  you ?  ❞ ❝  fucking  stand  on  the  other  side  of  me !  ❞ ❝  don’t  worry !  i’m  sure  everything  will  work  itself  out  just  fine.  ❞ ❝  i  didn’t  hear  a  fucking  thing !  ❞ ❝  it’s  worse  than  we  thought.  ❞ ❝  cool  ...  well,  i  don’t  wanna  be  rude,  but  that  story  was  very  long,  &  much  more  involved  than  i  originally  thought  it  would  be.  ❞

pre  pep  rally  energy  drinks. ❝  why  would  god  do  this  to  me ?  ❞ ❝  how  the  fuck  did  this  happen ?  ❞ ❝  you  know,  ______,  you  really  shouldn’t  do  that  ...  ❞ ❝  are  you  sure  you’re  not  a  gremlin ?  ❞ ❝  oh  my  god,  ______,  they  got  you,  too ?  ❞ ❝  the  fuck  are  you  talking  about ?  ❞ ❝  oh,  yeah,  i  already  knew  about  that.  ❞ ❝  i  mean  ...  i  already  did  not  knew  about  that.  ❞ ❝  i  swear,  i’d  rip  your  fucking  head  off !  ❞ ❝  see ?  i  told  you.  ❞ ❝  can  we  take  these  now ?  ❞ ❝  god  damn  it,  fine !  ❞ ❝  by  a  nap,  do  you  mean  an  ambien  &  a  box  of  wine ?  ❞ ❝  that  doesn’t  fucking  matter !  ❞ ❝ oh,  we  should  totally  fuck  up  their  credit,  too.  &  then  we  all  unfriend  them  on  facebook.  ❞

gay  van  buren. ❝  i  was  just  trying  to  put  myself  into  a  coma  so  i  wouldn’t  have  to  listen  to  you  dipshits  trying  to  talk  &  breathe  at  the  same  time.  ❞ ❝  where  the  fuck  have  you  been ?  ❞ ❝  i’m  telling  you,  i  don’t  trust  that  bitch !  ❞ ❝  um  ...  ______,  you  don’t  trust  anybody.  ❞ ❝  i  could  totally  go  for  a  swim  right  now.  ❞ ❝  god,  your  hair  is,  like,  super  thick.  ❞ ❝  what  the  fuck  do  you  think  you’re  trying  to  pull  here,  ______ ?  ❞ ❝  i  think  you  really  are  a  good  friend,  &  you  totally  deserve  it.  ❞ ❝  yeah,  ______,  thank  you.  thank  you  for  fucking  up  my  entire  life !  ❞ ❝  do  you  hate  me,  ______ ?  ❞ ❝  my  life  is  over !  ❞ ❝  are  you  nuts ?  do  you  know  what  this  means ?  ❞ ❝  maybe  it’s  not  so  bad.  maybe  no  one  noticed.  ❞ ❝  that’s  not  my  name !  ❞ ❝  welcome  to  my  world.  ❞

deandra’s  arms. ❝  oh  my  god.  i’m  this  close.  this  fucking  close.  ❞ ❝  what  the  fuck  did  you  just  say ?  ❞ ❝  so,  um,  do  you  usually  just  stand  here  &  watch  while  all  this  goes  on ?  ❞ ❝  go  fuck  yourself.  ❞ ❝  hey,  i  like  your  dress.  ❞ ❝  oh,  i’m  definitely  gonna  check  that  place  out.  ❞ ❝  do  you  know  who  the  fuck  i  am ?  ❞ ❝  ______,  you’re  a  member  of  this  family !  ❞ ❝  this  is  starting  to  hurt  ...  ❞ ❝  ______,  you  were  supposed  to  be  watching  the  door.  ❞ ❝  do  you  know  what  these  are,  ______ ?  ❞ ❝  do  you  not  know  what  has  transpired  while  you  were  in  pearl  harbor ?  we  had  our  own  pearl  harbor  here  today.  ❞ ❝  live  with  that !  ❞ ❝  ______,  was  that  part  of  the  plan ?  ❞ ❝  nothing  like  this  has  ever  happened  on  gossip  girl.  ❞

prom,  part  one. ❝  ahem.  ______,  tonight,  i  consider  myself  the  luckiest  man  on  the  face  of  the  earth.  ❞ ❝  did  you  just  steal  lou  gehrig’s  retirement  speech ?  ❞ ❝  hey,  i’m  real.  what  you  get  is  what  you  see.  what  you  trying  to  do  to  me ?  ❞ ❝  those  are  the  lyrics  to  an  old  jennifer  lopez  song.  ❞ ❝  a  compromise  was  reached.  ❞ ❝  time  to  go  in  there.  ❞ ❝  why  are  you  wearing  a  tuxedo ?  ❞ ❝  do  you  like  my  dress ?  ❞ ❝  you  look  like  a  tampon  that  was  dipped  in  skittles  &  vomit.  ❞ ❝  don’t  mind  if  i  do.  ❞ ❝  there’s  nothing  between  us.  ❞ ❝  you  take  that  back,  bitch !  ❞ ❝  haha,  fuck  you,  too,  there,  buddy !  ❞ ❝  things  are  fucking  awesome  for  me.  ❞ ❝  see  you  up  there,  dumb  whores.  ❞

prom,  part  two. ❝  it’s  so  great  to  have  you  back.  ❞ ❝  it’s  so  great  to  be  back.  ❞ ❝  don’t  you  ever  fucking  cut  me  off  again,  do  you  understand  me ?  ❞ ❝  i’m  gonna  be  honest,  i  don’t  see  what  the  big  deal  is.  ❞ ❝  i  don’t  really  give  two  shits.  ❞ ❝  mostly  because  she’s  a  bitch,  &  because  she’s  a  bitch.  ❞ ❝  this  isn’t  over.  ❞ ❝  i  have  been  waiting  all  night !  ❞ ❝  this  can’t  be  right.  can  someone  look  at  this  for  me ?  ❞ ❝  you cannot be serious. ❝  hit  the  bricks,  bitch.  ❞ ❝  don’t  worry,  baby.  ❞ ❝  ______,  aren’t  you  gay ?  ❞ ❝  wait,  does  this  mean  we’re  friends  now ?  ❞ ❝  oh,  no,  i  still  fucking  hate  you.  ❞

[theentiregdtime]

it’s you.

Mac isn’t sure how he ruined sex, but he definitely ruined it. Somehow, he ruined it, and he’s so, so pissed at himself.

It hadn’t even really been sex yet at all, but it was still the best thing that ever happened to him. Holy shit, give him the pearly gates, give him a black belt from Jet Li, give him a Project Badass full-length film with a twelve-bus motorcycle jump…

There was no better feeling, even in his craziest daydreams, than having Dennis underneath him in bed- not undressed, not clutching the sheets and screaming, not banging against the headboard- but shifting softly and running his hands along Mac’s shoulders and laughing in disbelief, breath hitching, eyelashes fluttering, clothes crinkling, folding into him like a paper crane.

Then he’d suddenly gone still. His eyes had glazed over, like he was falling to his death and watching his entire life flash before him, and it was different than he remembered it. Mac’s first instinct had been that Dennis was panicking, until his gaze came back into focus and locked with his, and he whispered “Oh, shit” with all the clarity in the world.

And then Mac didn’t know what was wrong.

He’d hovered over Dennis and waited, searching his face for an answer and catching nothing but the sight of his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed hard. He looked like the first person on Earth. He looked like Jesus Christ nailed to the sheets. He looked like a chiseled Roman statue frozen in marble.

Mac wanted his hands back on him, to kiss his bottom lip as it hung open, to pull him back from whatever cliff he was standing on the edge of in that moment.

“What?” he’d asked, tentatively, instead.

Maybe he wasn’t ready to do this, Mac had considered. Maybe being with a guy for real was too much and too sudden. Maybe whatever he’d repressed over the last forty-something years was clawing its way back up to strangle him. Mac had firsthand experience with that. He knew what it looked like and he knew what it felt like.

Then Dennis let out a shaking breath and said, “It’s you.”

That was what Mac was afraid of.

It wasn’t that he was a guy, or that he was moving too fast or too rough, or anything he could pinpoint at all. It was that he was… well, him- and he wasn’t good enough.

Part of him had already known that, had even practiced for this outcome, and another, more naive part of him thought maybe that had changed. He thought Dennis wanted him now.

But he didn’t.

He could get past the fact that Mac was a man, but not that he was… Mac.

Before he could say anything, Dennis was already slipping out from underneath him like honey through a fork. He’d said he needed to get some air, and then he was pulling a hoodie over his shoulders and shutting the bedroom door behind him.

Mac collapsed into bed, bounced against the mattress, and groaned into the pillow. He didn’t feel like following Dennis. He didn’t know what he’d say when he caught up to him, anyways. It was tiring to keep chasing him all the time.

So instead, he’d waited there, for five minutes which turned into ten which turned into forty-five.

And here is now, flat on his back, hands folded over his stomach, lying in deafening silence and studying the ceiling like it’s the roof of his casket.

He doesn’t know how to ask God for something he’s not sure he’s supposed to want, so he stays quiet.

It was almost easier to be confused, to have the storm raging outside the window, out of the corner of his eye, and stay sheltered- but now he’s out of the closet and he’s out in the rain, and he’s not confused anymore, not about anything, and he knows he loves Dennis. He knows it more than he knows he loves God, because neither of them are in this room right now, and he knows which one he’d want to walk in the door if he had to make a choice.

Before the anxious thoughts bouncing around Mac’s head can drive him completely stir-crazy, he hears the door to the apartment open and shut.

He sits up like an expectant dog who’s been alone with the radio all day, anticipating the doorknob turning any second.

A minute passes and it doesn’t. He hears Dennis adjust something on the couch. Five more minutes pass and it still doesn’t turn, and Mac can hear Dennis singing to himself. His voice is smooth like he’s been drinking, and Mac doesn’t recognize the song, but he makes out the words right down the line it’s been you and me.

He doesn’t really seem angry, and if he still wanted to be alone, he wouldn’t have come back…

Mac decides to roll off the mattress and investigate.

The only light in the living room is a dim lamp and the moon streaming in, and the only sound is Dennis humming in his throat as he flips through a scrapbook. Mac isn’t sure why he fished that out- it’s been gathering dust on the shelf for years.

Mac approaches him like he’s walking into a tiger cage wearing a jumpsuit made of ground chuck.

“Hey, Dennis…” he sing-songs, folding his hands together nervously.

Dennis stops humming and shuts the book. He sets it on the coffee table beside an emptied hip flask. 

“Hey.”

Mac glances to the toppled-over container, then back to Dennis. He doesn’t know how much he’s had to drink, but he can smell the whiskey coming off of him in waves.

“What are you doing?”

Dennis fixes his gaze on the closed book as if he’s still staring longingly at the pictures inside of it. He clears his throat.

“Was looking for something,” he mumbles.

Mac hopes he wasn’t having that crisis about aging and the passage of time and fleeting beauty and all that shit again. He goes through that once or twice a month, and Mac telling him he’s fine and he looks great is never enough to calm his existential dread.

“Did you find it?” is all he can think to ask.

Dennis’ eyes are on him again. He looks like he did earlier, but a little drunker, a little softer, a little more vulnerable. He looks less afraid.

He looks so, so young to Mac. He looks like he did the day they met. He looks like the past twenty years and he looks like the next twenty and he looks like forever until the end of time.

“Yeah,” he answers.

Mac doesn’t know what to do with himself, because Dennis might have changed his mind about him, about them. He might not want to be touched anymore. So he just stands there in front of the sofa, breath baited, fidgeting with the fabric of his shirt.

“Hey, I totally ruined the moment, man,” Dennis slurs. “M’sorry.”

“No, Den, you don’t have to apologize,” Mac insists and holds his hands out in front of him. “I get it, you changed your mind, we can just go back to-”

“No, shit, no, Mac,” Dennis cuts him off, cringing. He seems surprised that Mac would be willing to drop all of this in a heartbeat to make him comfortable again. “I just… needed to think about some stuff.”

Unclear as it is, the response is still relieving. Mac doesn’t know what Dennis wants, but it kind of seems like he might still want this. He takes that as an invitation to sit on the table across from him and silently pray it doesn’t break under his weight.

“So…” -he drags the word out- “did you?”

Dennis shakes his head, avoiding Mac’s face and choosing to make conversation with his knees instead.

“Nah. Mostly just walked around and got drunk… watched people…” He shrugs. “I guess I realized there was nothing to figure out.”

Mac has no idea what that means- if it’s good or if it’s bad- or what he’s supposed to be doing with himself right now. Before he has to figure it out, Dennis reaches for him and brushes his knuckles against his leg.

“You can uh…” -he swallows and licks over his bottom lip- “come back.”

Embers of cautious excitement start to rise up from the bottom of Mac’s stomach.

“You want me to?” It’s a pointless question, but he still feels like he needs to ask permission- for sure.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Like, you want-”

“Mac.”

He doesn’t need to ask again.

Mac falls into Dennis like he’s been doing all his life and plants his hands on his waist, strong enough to keep him there, but gentle enough that he can go if he changes his mind. Their lips connect and Dennis tastes like maple whiskey and smells like burning oak and he’s so fucking beautiful. Mac worries he’s not enough again, feels awkward and wrong, like he’s somewhere he doesn’t belong, until Dennis threads his hands through his hair and whines in the back of his throat, and Mac knows he belongs right here chasing that sound with his tongue.

He doesn’t want to be anywhere else. Even if he’s not enough- even if he’s never enough his whole life- he’d rather be insufficient for Dennis than be somebody else’s entire world.

Dennis plants a few small kisses along Mac’s lips and whispers against his mouth, “It’s been a long time.” His breath is like burnt vanilla sugar and he’s everything.

“You were gone, like, an hour,” Mac replies, and he intends it to sound how it felt- like a goddamn eternity- but it comes out all wrong.

“That’s not what I meant.”

Before Mac can figure out what he does mean, their lips are crashing together again and he doesn’t give a shit. Dennis’ hands slide up his shoulder blades and draw him in, between his legs that part like butterfly wings to make space for him.

He digs one of his hands into the back of Mac’s t-shirt, balling the fabric and pressing his knuckles into him like he doesn’t want him to go. He’s not going to go anywhere, he swears he’s never going to fucking go anywhere as he clasps Dennis’ jaw and kisses him with the fury of a thousand suns. If it’s too rough or their teeth clash too hard, Dennis doesn’t protest, just responds with a soft sigh that Mac can feel hot against his face. It’s the only sound in the room other than the smacking of their lips, and it fills the whole apartment and Mac’s whole world.

He lets his eyes flutter open for a second and catches the sight of Dennis’ face in his hands, wrinkling faintly at the edges, calm and tender and fragile, and it’s the closest thing to God he’s ever seen.

He shuts them again and he’s kissing Dennis every time he should have kissed him- in high school under the bleachers with a lit cigarette in his hand, in the bed of his college dorm over winter break, on the floor of their empty apartment next to a pile of unopened boxes, in a booth strewn with paperwork on their first night in the bar, using the salt on his lips as the chaser to a shot of tequila, on a day he never moved out, on the night of a wedding Dennis never had, on the evening of a monthly dinner they can both call a date out loud. He’s kissing him in a hotel bed with the curtains open to a view of the beach below, kissing him at the bottom of the ocean hand-in-hand, kissing him over a crate missing ammo that doesn’t matter because it’s enough to know that he knows him and maybe he tells him he loves him instead. He’s kissing him every day of their lives together, every time he wants to, every time he ever wanted to, and they’re young and growing older, but still so young and still the same as they’ve always been.

Mac doesn’t know how it took him all this time to realize it was always Dennis. He thinks if he’d been at peace with his sexuality, his religion, himself… he would have known it all along. It would have always been there. It was always there- he just didn’t want to look too closely at it. Now he can’t look away from it. It’s bright and blinding and it’s been raging all his life, ever since the first day they met.

Mac pulls away and they both take a much-needed breath.

“I get it now.”

Dennis watches him expectantly, like he’s wondering how he got so far away. “Get what?”

An epiphanous chuckle escapes Mac’s lips and swells into full, breathy laughter. Dennis’ brow knots together and his expression twists like he’s not sure what he did that was so goddamn funny, and he doesn’t know if he should be offended or not.

“It’s you.”

Mac’s hands fall to Dennis’ shoulders to latch on to them.

“It’s you, man,” he repeats.

Dennis nods and rakes his tongue over his lips. He seems to know exactly what that means. “Yeah.”

Mac sits back against the table. He keeps a hand on Dennis’ leg to let him know he’s still there and strokes shapes into the denim of his jeans with his fingertips.

“Is it, like… weird?”

He doesn’t want to ask that, doesn’t want to put the idea of it in Dennis’ head- but he asks anyways, because if it is, he wants to know. He thinks he can keep waiting a little longer if he has to, a couple more weeks or a couple more years or the rest of their lives. It’s no big deal, he convinces himself.

Dennis’ eyes scan everything in the apartment except Mac. They fall on the front door, the game of checkers strewn across the kitchen table, the bookshelves full of shit they never read, the ancient box TV with the Hulk fist sat atop it, the pile of DVDs strewn on the floor, the scrapbook on the edge of the coffee table…

“Been weird for a long time, Mac.”

He doesn’t know how to take that, and Dennis won’t look at him to give him any clues. He’s just sitting there, glass-eyed, watching the photo album like it might disappear if he doesn’t. 

Mac wonders why Dennis isn’t watching him that way. He knows he has to look better now than he did in those old, poorly-lit photos of them poring over confusing papers and sharing their first official beer in Paddy’s Pub. Maybe Dennis liked him better then, loved him then; but ignorant, rage-fueled, repressed Mac was too insecure and confused to see it or even entertain the idea of it. Maybe he and Dennis were always passing like ships in the night, but never colliding, because struggling to keep breathing the air was simpler than admitting they both wanted to drown, both wanted something they weren’t supposed to want.

Maybe this has all been about Dennis settling as he gets older and lonelier, because they’re already living as if they’re married, so he may as well get something out of it. Maybe it’s about saving face and giving off the illusion that he’s gotten his life together and done the things people are supposed to do. Maybe Mac is a last resort. Maybe he’s the best of a shitty situation.

“I’m trying,” he chokes out as he clutches Dennis’ leg like a life preserver. “I’m trying to make you happy, man. I know I’m not… enough… but I want to be.”

Dennis’ eyes dart up and bore straight into Mac’s skull. His lips fall open and they look so lonely that it takes all of Mac’s willpower not to slot them right in between his own.

“Not enough?”

Dennis draws a ragged breath.

“You’re too much.” He looks around the dark apartment again, like the past twenty years are playing on a loop in his head, until his eyes land on the empty space between them. “You’re everything.”

It’s muddled, but Mac knows what he hears. Dennis gets like this when he’s drunk on whiskey, all sappy and weak and saying things he doesn’t really mean. Mac hopes he means this one, this time.

Dennis is everything, too. He’s the kid he sold weed to in high school, he’s his best friend, he’s his roommate, he’s his business partner, he’s his blood brother, he’s the fucking love of his life. He’s constant. He’s always been there. Even if he wasn’t right in the middle of a moment in Mac’s life, he was still there, in the back of his mind or just out of sight.

How can two people live like that for more than twenty years? How can two people be so deeply melted into each other’s lives that they’re the same life and not know what they are? How long can they hold their breath before they have to gasp for air? How long can they keep their eyes glued shut before they have to peel them open? How long can two lines be drawn around each other until they cross?

Dennis looks back up at him, desperate, like he needs a response now, and fuck, Mac doesn’t know how to respond.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I always loved you and I can’t believe it took this long for me to figure out what those words meant.

He doesn’t say anything at all. Instead, he wraps secure arms around Dennis’ waist and pulls them together again. He’s kissing him, but Dennis isn’t kissing back, not right away, so Mac meets his shaking mouth over and over and again and again, until Dennis tilts his head and threads a hand around his neck and comes back to life all at once.

Mac brushes his fingers over the stomach of Dennis’ hoodie and gets a grunt in reply. Before he can worry it’s a stop that noise, Dennis is tugging the zipper down, pulling it so hard that it snaps at the end. Mac doesn’t waste a second gliding his hands across Dennis’ stomach, over the thin fabric of his t-shirt, feeling him buckle and shudder underneath them. He slips his arms under Dennis’ hoodie and around him, and Dennis grabs at Mac’s shoulders and arches up, letting himself be suspended by nothing but Mac’s hands like a pieta statue, and then they’re crumbling on to the couch, falling around each other, falling into each other.

Dennis is on his back and Mac is hovering over him, and they feel too far apart, until Dennis spreads his legs and makes room for Mac between them, clutching desperately at the collar of his shirt and mangling it in his narrow fingers. Mac presses flush against him and combs his tongue along the roof of his mouth. He doesn’t want any more distance, he doesn’t want a fucking inch of empty space. He’s so goddamn tired of loving someone from across the room, from the other side of the door, from miles and miles away, from the Mamertine prison he put himself in for so many years. He wants to be here. He doesn’t care where he goes when he dies, he just wants to be right here while he’s alive, at the nave of their apartment, across the pew of their sofa, crossing the threshold of the rest of his life with his best friend pinned beneath him. Dennis Reynolds is the whole world, and if God made him so fucking beautiful, then how is Mac not supposed to love him?

He slides an arm under Dennis’ shirt and curls it around his back, pulling him up into him, receiving a fragile whine in return. His skin is so warm and his mouth is so bourbon-glossed that everything about him burns holy. The sharp edge of his shoulder is like a stigmata through Mac’s palm. He feels so small and so vulnerable, like he could be broken between two fingers, and Mac doesn’t know why he never realized that before. Maybe it’s because Dennis always seemed so big to him, bleeding into every corner of his life and filling all of the empty space. He’s so damn delicate, but he’s everything, all at once.

He ruts against him and Dennis buckles with a strangled groan that warms Mac’s blood over. He pushes back harder and scrapes his fingernails along Mac’s skin. It stings, and he likes that it stings. He wants the marks all across his back like whip lashes. Dennis starts to nudge his shirt up, and Mac hates to pull away, but uses the opportunity to take a few panting breaths as he rolls his tee over his head and tosses it to the floor.

When he ducks back in, Dennis halts him with hands against his jaw. He drags his tongue up Mac’s lips- warm and slick and syrupy. Mac ignites from the inside out. He’s never felt anything like the fire that starts in his stomach and spreads to his whole body and makes him feel like a collapsing star.

He sits up on his knees and Dennis follows him, kisses him a hundred times on the way up. Mac slips the sweatshirt off his shoulders and lets it fall where it lands. When Dennis starts to rip his shirt off, Mac stops him and pulls the neck of it down to plant kisses along his collar bone and up into the crook of his neck, over and over again until he’s wet with spit. Dennis grabs the back of Mac’s head and wraps his legs around him as Mac traces the line of his clavicle with his tongue. Every sharp, jagged angle of him is so perfect that Mac doesn’t mind the talons ripping into his hair or the bony knees pestling into his sides. He wants all of it. He wants everything.

Mac lifts his head and Dennis is on him first, cupping his face and smacking closed-mouth pecks against his lips again and again and what feels like a thousand times. Mac prays it is as his hands fall back to Dennis’ hips. He prays these are the first thousand of a lifetime’s worth of kissing. Mac could die like this and he’d be happy to go.

Dennis takes a ragged, hitching breath, and Mac doesn’t realize he’s completely motionless until he hears a strangled sob and tastes salt against his lips.

Mac immediately goes into panic mode. No, oh no, oh shit, I messed up is endlessly repeating in his mind. He doesn’t know what he did to upset him, but he draws back all at once. He’s far enough away to see Dennis gaping wide-eyed at him, tears streaming down his face and breath stuttering in and out. Mac doesn’t know how long he’s had his eyes open. 

“Fuck, Dennis, are you crying…?”

It’s a dumb question. Of course he is; it’s just that Mac hasn’t seen him like that in so long, he’s forgotten what it even looks like. This isn’t exactly the best time for a reminder- it feels like a punch to the gut.

“It’s you and me. It’s really you and me.”

Oh.

Yeah. It’s really them.

Mac and Dennis.

On the couch where they’ve watched the same six movies every night for the past two decades- the couch where they tossed popcorn at each other and tried to catch it in their mouths just to end up losing it in the cushions- the couch where they tangled their legs together under warm blankets and pretended it was accidental when they fell asleep together- the couch where they’ve spent the last twenty years of their friendship. It’s all changed now. Everything has shifted and they’re half-undressed, wrapped around one another, touching and making out and being honest for the first time in their entire lives.

It’s a lot to think about, but at the same time, it’s the easiest thing Mac’s ever done. There’s nothing to think about. It’s fucking crazy and impossible, but it’s so obvious and so, so effortless.

Dennis Reynolds is still his best friend, and his blood brother, and his business partner, and everything he’s always been to him. This whole boyfriend thing is just another title to add to the list.

“Of course it is, man,” Mac chuckles as he wipes a tear away with his thumb. He doesn’t know what else to say.

Dennis grazes his teeth over his lip, eyes dipping down to the negative space between their bodies. “It’s… pretty cool,” he murmurs.

Mac knows he shouldn’t, but he laughs. “Yeah. It is.”

Neither of them says anything for a while. Mac strokes his thumb along Dennis’ cheek, touching him feather-light as if they weren’t grinding hard enough against each other to spark a fire a few minutes ago.

“I ruined it,” Dennis finally says, and a smirk forms at the edges of his mouth. “I ruined sex.”

“Yeah, you did, a little bit.”

He grumbles and rubs at his forehead, falling back onto the couch with all the grace of a dying cockroach. His hand stays over his face for a long time.

“This isn’t what I thought it would be like.”

Mac’s heart drops out of his chest, and suddenly, they’re back where they were an hour ago- Dennis recoiling into himself and Mac scared he’s going to be inadequate forever.

“What…” he starts, contemplating every word, afraid reaching out and touching Dennis might set off a landmine. “What did you think it’d be like?”

Dennis half-growls, half-whines again, and pinches the bridge of his nose like he does when he’s got a migraine forming.

“Thought I’d feel powerful, y’know- like I usually do. Thought I’d be all controlling and sexy and it’d be like I was doing you a favor by finally fucking you.” He drops his hand and meets Mac’s gaze, the corners of his eyes still red and his mouth tragically drying. “But it’s not… it’s not like that.”

That’s not enough of an explanation for Mac. It’s not the whole answer.

“What… What is it like?”

Dennis shrugs his shoulders. “You know what it’s like,” he says under his breath. “It’s like falling off a cliff. There’s no way to feel powerful. There’s no control. You just fall.”

Yeah, I know, Mac wants to respond but doesn’t, I’ve been falling for twenty years.

“You didn’t like it?” comes out instead.

Dennis cackles like it’s moronic.

“No, I… I liked it, Mac.” His eyes drop to Mac’s thigh as he traces his fingers along it. “Loved it.”

A grin creeps onto Mac’s face, and he knows he’s making those big, dumb doe eyes like he always does when he’s cautiously excited, but he doesn’t know how to stop it.

“I loved it, too.”

Dennis looks back at him with the ghost of a smile.

It’s thinly-veiled, but it’s easier than making things any sappier tonight, even if no one’s around to hear it or make fun of them for it, even if Dennis will probably forget half of this when he’s sober and hung over in the morning.

Mac settles in the space next to him with a content sigh.

When Dennis sniffles and speaks again, it comes out thick, like the bourbon-binge tiredness is finally starting to seep in. “I know I killed the moment, but we could still…”

“Nah,” Mac interrupts and drapes an arm across Dennis’ chest to play with his hair. He pushes a lock of his bangs up off of his wet forehead. “There’ll be lots of moments, dude. We’ll try again. Over and over again until we get it right.”

When he thinks about how many of those moments they wasted when they could have been like this, always been like this, been high school sweethearts and gone to prom together and moved in with each other and spent their whole lives together… it seems stupid that they didn’t think of it sooner.

In some way, though, they did do all those things- just without saying what it meant out loud. Plus, there wasn’t as much kissing as there could have been.

Oh, well. They’ll make up for it. They’ve still got plenty of time left.

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 70

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: Re: re: Silence is not golden

Harper,

This was never a game for me, never! I'm a little too old to be playing games, when will you finally believe me? I don't know how or if I'm ever gonna win your trust back, but I'm not giving up, no way!

Charles isn't exactly the right man to be talking to, you should be right here talking to me! I don't want to torment you, I somehow needed to put some distance between us, because in spite of what you're thinking, I too am grieving and suffering. I've lost the woman I love so much by my own doing and that is killing me. One part of me is thinking: Harper deserves better, but the other part is saying: no, I'm the right man for her and she is the right woman for me. Making sense? Probably not, I don't know anything anymore, all I know is that I'm as miserable as can be.

Scratch 'maybe' out of your sentence 'maybe I should keep in touch with you', you need to stay in touch with me, life is even harder without your e-mails, no matter how unfiltered and angry they are.

Your exhibition will be amazing, the torment has got nothing to do with that, you're the future of art and that's a fact! When is it?

About the trust issues, it's ripping my heart out that you put me on the same line as your father and Sean, I can understand about them as they always used you and never loved you, but I did..I've loved and still love you Harper. I'll always remember the day I actually met you..it was instant love..

This mail is not like me, it's not eloquent, it's got no rhythm..I'm just hurting so bad, sorry!

Jared

Woww, what? So you're the victim now? Classic! Just fucking classic!

From: HCDeRobiano

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: Re: re: re: Silence is not golden

Jared,

Really? You're gonna be the victim now? The great George Michael once sang: 'guilty feet have got no rhythm', it's the same with feet as with your e-mails then, I guess!

The day you met me? Another fine example to prove my point that you can't commit to one woman! Let me refresh your memory..at the moment we first met, I was flown in as your lightdesigner and I got so much attention from you at the time, while you were constantly flirting with the other me by e-mail. That's when I should have known that you can never be true to one woman, even though I was one and the same but you didn't know that at the time.

Tell me, Jared, who did you really fall in love with, Coco or Harper?

Just..whatever, Jay!

HC

No ‘Harper’, no ‘Coco’, just ‘HC’, just some initials like this was a goddamn business transaction, it's too late, it's too bloody late! I'm done with this arguing, close the chapter for good, lick your wounds and then move on. He swiped her mail away, he couldn't go on, a wave of infinite sadness overwhelmed him and he let himself fall back on the bed and unabashedly cried his eyes out. On the other side of the country, Harper nervously wiped a tear away, don't cry, not here anyway, besides you've done too much of that already, forget what you lost, just gather what you still have even if it's just your pride and walk away, enough fighting, enough damage done on both sides. She switched off her phone, there, the world will still keep turning without me for a few days and if Charles needs me, he knows where I live.

Days later and Jared was just about to go on stage when he got a call from Charles “Jay, have you heard from her?” his friend's worried voice had the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “Heard from who?” he knew who he meant but couldn't bring himself to say her name, “Harper! I've been calling, texting, e-mailing her, I even drove to her apartment a couple of times and she seems to have vanished from the face of the earth, I needed the rest of her work yesterday” Charles sounded desperate. “No, I've got her last e-mail over a week ago and to be honest she's no longer my concern” Jared breathed into his phone while microphone wires were attached to him “I've gotta go Charles, I'm about to go on stage” he didn't wait for Charles' reply and handed the phone to Shayla who disconnected the call. Just like he said, not his concern anymore, so what if she was missing? He had banned her out of his thoughts and had gotten through the week more or less ok,  surrounding himself with friends and family, and being the center of every party of every day this week and no he had not slept in his own bed for one night but he was a free man right? He didn't need to explain anything to anyone, not anymore. He walked up the small steps of the stage, a wave of heat surrounded him, blinding stroboscopic lights, the box lifted with the pulsating, hypnotic beat of 'Monolith' and the familiar roar of the crowd tugged at every fibre of his body, his eyes connecting with a couple of blue eyes in the frontstage, the eyes of last night's nameless conquest he had fucked. Guilty feet have got no rhythm? Just fuck off De Robiano, you don't know anything about me, you were just a warm and soft cushion for the pushing, nothing more, go ahead and fuck that stupid, sissyboy Nathan, lock yourself up with him and pretend he's the chosen one, the one who understands how that lunatic mind of yours works because I don't give a fuck about you anymore.

There was an urgent knock on the door that pulled her out of her concentration, huh? She jumped off her scaffolding and walked to the door, ohhh her back ached from being in the same position for far too long. “Djeezes fuckin' Christ!” in front of her stood a swearing and cursing Charles “what do you have a fuckin' phone for? I was this close to report you missing! Do you still want that exhibition or do I give your spot to the next big thing I've been putting on hold for a long time now!” he pushed past her, she looked completely clueless, her big brown eyes had big dark circles underneath, she clearly hadn't slept in god knew how long. “Charles..I..” she nervously wiped her hands on her blouse and looked for her phone to tell her the date and the time, “don't you fucking dare to 'Charles' me, I should have had your last pieces two days ago! I've been blowing up your phone and I'm so sick of that voicemail of yours, I've even been round here and you never answer the door” he yelled at her. He stomped around the apartment, the steam was really coming out of his ears when he saw the cord of the door videophone unplugged “how much do you want this, Harper? How fucking much? Because if you're not interested in your future then you tell me right now and I walk! I've got much better things to do with my time and my money than to invest it in some careless, egotistical little wannabe artist”. Harper let herself sink down on a barstool completely gobsmacked, the last couple of days had been about painting day and night to get it all finished, without any distraction and now she had missed her window?

All the yelling he was doing hit her like a brick wall and only intensified her low self esteem of the last couple of days where she had constantly thought that she was a loser and every single one of her paintings was a joke. “I'm sorry..I am..really sorry..” she stuttered and nervously wrang her hands, biting on her lip she tried to keep the frustrated and exhausted tears at bay “I didn't mean to..”. Charles' eyes were still shooting daggers at her “are you actually going to form a coherent sentence? Oh forget it, I'm outta here” he spat and then spun on his heels and stomped over to the door. That's when she completely broke down, silent tears started rolling down her cheeks as she buried her face in her hands, he stopped when he opened the door and in the corner of his eye he saw how silent sobs ripped through her body and it broke his heart. Taking a deep breath, he turned around again and put his hand on her back “don't cry, I didn't mean all that, it was just the adrenalin talking after a crazy couple of days, but I guess the days have been as crazy for you as they were for me..I was so worried..I even called Jared thinking you were with him”. The mention of his name made her lift her head but she didn't say anything, “which was a ridiculous idea..you're obviously painting him out of your system” he whistled between his teeth as he looked around the studio and saw the paintings, one of them was a heartwrenching, hyperrealistic painting of a semi-naked Jared looking right at the spectator with an expression in his eyes that made your heart skip a beat. “And he's singing you out of his system..”.

Hours later in the middle of a sleepless night, Jared took his phone from the bedside table and started scrolling, the reflection of the light made the anonymous lover for the night stir, so he got up and tried to find his way around this girl's house, where was the frikkin' kitchen in this place?. “Charles, it's me..did you find her?” he breathed into his phone as he pulled open the fridge in search of a drink, “I did..” Charles' reply was short and stern, “is she ok?” he had to know, he had felt bad all through the show having cut him off like he had done. “I'm not trying to be rude or anything, Jared, but why do you want to know? you said yourself she is no longer your concern” he breathed into the phone, “I know what I said..I was trying to protect myself..of course I still..” he hesitated before the world 'love' fell from his lips “care..about her”. Charles heard him struggling and pinched the bridge of his nose “I'm gonna be honest here..I worry about her..it's not uncommon for an artist to lock himself away from the world and she needed the time alone to finish everything, but my god Jared, you should see what she has made..it's the strongest, yet most heartbreaking, gutwrenching series of paintings..you have to see it to believe it, it's impossible to describe. It's phenomenal and it's gonna shoot her to the top of the art world but..aside from all that she's just not ok, she's desperately trying to be but that's one damaged cookie”. Shivers ran up and down Jared's spine, Harper..god, Harper..you stupid, harsh, tough, wonderful, gorgeous, amazing creature, I am trying so desperately to forget you and push you away, but you're always there in the pit of my heart and right behind my eyes no matter how much I try to fuck you out of my system. “Can you put me on the guestlist?” he blurted it out before he could change his mind, “Jared, I don't think..” Charles bit his lip, was confrontation what she needed or even wanted? Hell no! “..ok, I'll tell them to add your name to the list even though I'm probably gonna regret this for the rest of my life, just for the love of everything that's dear to me, don't you dare start a frikking World War III down here, she'll hate me more than enough already knowing you're there”. Jared exhaled like he had been holding his breath for too long “I won't, I promise, I'm not coming down to confront her, besides she won't even have to know I'm there, I'll hide somewhere so she won't have to see me, I just want to see her work”.

[nickelkeep]

Last Goodbye

Pairing: Past Gabriel/Sam Rating: Teen Word Count: 1400 Warnings: Brief Suicidal Thought. This is pure angst. There is no happy ending. Written For: @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover​‘s @angsty-angstweek​ On Ao3

Sam didn't know that he was being followed. Gabriel made sure of it. Despite Castiel figuring out quickly that he was still alive, Gabriel begged and pleaded with him to not tell Sam. He caused enough issues in Sam's life, coming back from faked deaths. Gabriel didn't want to interrupt Sam's life yet again.

Gabriel figured he could pull enough strings from behind the scenes. He was already under Billie's command, brought back for the sole purpose of making an army to take down his father. So Gabriel knew there would be no harm in doing a little more and making sure Sam thrived. They were waiting for the opportune time to strike anyway. Billie may have been a little terse with him when he juiced up Eileen. She needed to make contact with Sam faster, as far as Gabriel was concerned. But he honestly did it for Sam, not for Billie's insane war. Sam needed something - someone - good in his life. Even if it wasn't him. Not anymore.

The archangel closed his eyes and listened to the world around him. So many people were completely unaware of what was going on. Of the horrors and the monstrosities that surrounded them. They knew nothing of what Heaven and Hell were actually like. They had no idea of what the Empty was like. Gabriel exhaled abruptly through his nose. In reality, the best-case scenario would be him dying in during the battle and going back to the Empty.

The problem was that the Shadow of the Empty wasn't allowed to touch him. Not yet. Not until Death had done her part and reaped God Himself. Billie laid down the law that anyone released - or who had escaped from - the Empty were to be sent right back to Earth. Despite his father running amok, trying to destroy his own sandbox, Gabriel was almost invulnerable. He could still be stabbed with an Archangel blade, if anyone had one, but that gooey son-of-a-bitch was in direct orders to send him right back.

A flash of light grabbed Gabriel's attention, and he carefully watched Sam out of the corner of his eye. They were both sitting outside, Sam drinking a coffee while looking over something for a hunt. Gabriel sat in his own seat a few tables away and nursed hot chocolate while attempting to spy and eavesdrop. Sam had pulled out his phone and hesitated before dialing. Once sure that Sam wasn't in danger or suffering, Gabriel allowed his mind to drift off.

Gabriel honestly didn't mind the idea of returning to the Empty. No thoughts, no connections, just nothing. There was a little fear that shivered through him, but his heart - what counts for his heart anyway - craved it. None of this pining for Sam that no amount of lovers or candy could ever help him get over.

A part of him was ashamed for wanting it, not that he would ever admit it aloud. How many angels and demons and beasts would wish to be revived if given the opportunity? Besides, Gabriel had been in the Empty before, he should be grateful for the sun kissing his skin.

If he looked back at the time of nothing? The eternal sleep after the other Michael killed him? Not even his own grace and wavelength, but the one from the world where Sam never existed? He never got the chance to get to know Jack or to tease Dean and Cas for being idiots. He never got to tell Sam goodbye.

"Gabriel?"

Gabriel shot to attention, hoping he hadn't brought too much attention to himself. Sam's voice flowed through him, not at him. He mentally checked himself, his glamour was still in place, and there were no other angels around to out him.

"Gabe, I know you're gone. I know that you can’t hear me."

Gabriel sat up a little straighter. He'd been back for a few weeks now, but this was the first time he'd heard Sam. It made Gabriel wonder how often Sam had prayed to him like this?

"I know this is pointless every time I do it, but I don't know what else to do." Gabriel could have sworn that he heard Sam's breath shudder as he exhaled. "I'm lost."

Gabriel fought the urge to go and envelop Sam in his arms, settling instead for a glance.

"I know we're fighting a losing battle. The things… the things that Chuck showed me? Between glimpses of other universes and the future if Cas and Dean had been successful in trapping him? What are we fighting for?" Sam bit his lip and looked around before continuing his silent litany. "What am I fighting for?"

Gabriel contemplated trying to block Sam out. These prayers were supposed to be private, and Sam thought he was praying to a dead angel. There was no way that he would have said them if he knew Gabriel was alive.

"Rowena's gone, ruling over Hell. She's a goddamned queen, and she knows it. You'd be so proud of her. And Eileen? After what Chuck did? After he confirmed that he manipulated me into bringing her back to life?" Sam went silent and Gabriel stole another glance. He watched as Sam wiped at his eyes. "I've lost or am losing everyone I've ever loved."

Gabriel whispered into the wind, "You still have Dean and Cas and your friends."

"I swear, I don't know why I do this. I can almost hear you telling me that I have Dean and Cas, and Jody and Donna, and the girls…" Sam sobbed out a laugh and kept praying. "And this is the part where I would tell you–"

"–That's not what I meant and you know it." Gabriel finished the sentence with him.

Sam ran his fingers through his hair, and Gabriel imagined the fingers being his. He pictured himself massaging Sam's scalp, lightly tugging any knots out of the locks. He remembered kissing the top of Sam's head as he twisted braids into his hair, Sam patiently humoring him.

"Gabe, I'd give anything to have you back." Gabriel looked over at Sam, the tears running down his face as he spoke. "I'd do anything to just see you one more time."

Gabriel almost gave in. He almost stood up from his seat. He almost walked across the outside bistro to wrap his arms around Sam. Billie nor the Shadow had said that he couldn't reveal himself to the Winchesters. But Gabriel couldn't put Sam through the pain again. Gabriel couldn't fight away Billie and the Shadow forever.

"I need something, Gabe. Something more." Sam pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "I wish I hadn't gone to the portal like you commanded. I wish… I wish that instead of being angry with you, that I had said 'I love you.’"

Gabriel inhaled deeply. "I know, Sammy. I knew how much you loved me – still love me – and I wish that I could be with you."

"Dammit, Gabe, why does it feel like you're here?" Sam picked up his napkin and blew his nose. "Out of all the times I've prayed to you in the past two years… Fuck, for all I know, it's Chuck trying to kick me while I'm down."

Gabriel paused with realization and cursed his father's name. Sam, his Sam, had lost hope. The one who always found hope, even in the bleakest of situations, had given up. The urge to hold him, to tell Sam that he had an army behind him, rose up stronger.

"You know you can't, Gabriel." Billie sat across the table from him.

"You never said I couldn't reveal myself to him."

"Figured you were smart enough to know the consequences if you do." Billie looked at Sam, who was oblivious to her presence. "And I know you don't want to hurt him."

Gabriel paused for a moment and looked at Sam. "I just need…"

"I know, Gabriel. Be smart about it." Gabriel turned back to where Billie sat, to find the spot vacant.

"Fuck you, Billie." Gabriel took a deep breath. He knew that Billie was right. Gabriel closed his eyes and recounted the last few things Sam had prayed during his brief exchange with Death. He looped the images in his own mind, replaying Sam's memories. Sam had seen horrible things in the future where they had trapped Chuck. Gabriel composed himself and whispered one last time into the wind. "Sam, believe in what you see, in what you feel. God can't control your emotions." He watched Sam from his seat. "Know that I'll always love you, Samshine. Even in Death."

Sam sobbed openly at Gabriel's last proclamation. "I love you too, Gabriel.”