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i apologize for my lack of writing on this blog despite my attempt at a return; i've found once again that tumblr's interest in felix is low, especially with a lack of other dbh muses around in the current rpc. i have plans for a new blog that i'll promo here when it's finished. thank you all for being here regardless <3
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felix was strong, but he wasn't stupid. he released dan heng at the first tug of resistance, his hand otherwise remaining in place for a moment as he blinked at the empty air he was holding — as if the wrist he was holding had simply vanished, rather than being reclaimed by its owner. he replayed what he had caught of the other's face for a moment, almost mulling it over ( albeit at an inhuman speed. ) he'd definitely seen a brief fear, fear that reminded him of himself. dan heng wasn't an android ... but could they be similar in some way ? why was he bleeding blue ?
❝ my mistake, ❞ he replied rather quickly, genuine but hard to read through his cautious demeanor. it was still largely skipped over for now, his concern for what had caused the other to react in such a familiar way tucked into the back of the android's mind as he furrowed his brow, finally letting his hand fall back to his side as he took a tiny step forwards. ❝ androids have built - in communications, ❞ he explained slowly. was that not common knowledge ? where exactly was this person from ? he pressed harder, asking a pretty direct question. ❝ what ... are you ? ❞
The sudden grasp on his wrist from a stranger without warning sends instincts flaring (restraint restraint res—) and with wide eyes (for a split second flashing brilliant cyan) he yanks back, hard, pulling his hand free with surprising difficulty given his strength. This android has an impressive grip. Thankfully they don't reach for him again, but after hearing the question his initial panic fades. They were concerned, not trying to harm him. ❝Apologies... You startled me.❞ Noting the blatant suspicion in their expression however, he looks down at his hand to realize what the injury is. It's far from the first time he hasn't felt himself get wounded, but most prior instances he had been able to cover with his clothing before anyone noticed, or claim the blue to be something other than blood. And lately it hasn't mattered now that his friends know the truth. But there are guidelines about revealing too much too quickly to isolated worlds. He doesn't have a decent excuse for this as the shade is too different from the android's to pass off as theirs. Hm. The best option for now is to simply not acknowledge the perceived anomaly. If they press him about it however he will be honest. They... Don't strike him as the type to go revealing it to anyone. But that doesn't mean he should be the first to address it.
A light sigh as Dan Heng closes his injured hand. He shouldn't wrap it until it's been washed so that will have to do for now. ❝It's hardly anything serious. I'll be fine.❞ He's had much worse over the years after all. Teal gaze shifts back up to the stranger. ❝You were the more urgent concern. Do you have a phone? If it happens again you can contact me.❞ He may not be an engineer but he can always ask others for assistance. Himeko repaired the train and Luocha was able to heal a puppet. There are options for this unfortunate android.
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Send me "§" if you'd ever consider shipping our muses
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🐝 * ― 𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑻𝒀 𝑹𝑨𝑵𝑫𝑶𝑴 𝑸𝑼𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺.
❛ are you always so competitive? ❜ ❛ are you okay? are you hurt? ❜ ❛ are you sure you can do this on your own? ❜ ❛ are you thinking what i'm thinking? ❜ ❛ can you go take care of this, please? ❜ ❛ can you show me how to fight? ❜ ❛ can you tell me more about your adventures? ❜ ❛ do you believe in ghosts? ❜ ❛ do you ever think about anyone other than yourself? ❜ ❛ does it really have to be like this? ❜ ❛ don't you think you've already done enough damage for one day? ❜ ❛ has no one ever given you a compliment before? ❜ ❛ have i ever told you how beautiful you look in the glow of the moonlight? ❜ ❛ have you noticed anything different about me lately? ❜ ❛ haven't you ever wondered why i never talk about my childhood? ❜ ❛ how can you just go to sleep like nothing happened? ❜ ❛ how many more people have to suffer before you realize your madness? ❜ ❛ is there anything else i can do for you? ❜ ❛ is this really how you want this to end? ❜ ❛ isn't it ironic? ❜ ❛ what are your plans for today? ❜ ❛ what else do you want me to say? ❜ ❛ what else have you hidden from me? ❜ ❛ what happened here? where is all that smoke coming from? ❜ ❛ what has happened in your life that made you like this? ❜ ❛ when were you going to tell me? ❜ ❛ where are we supposed to go from here? ❜ ❛ who will be able to stop them now? ❜ ❛ why can't you just act like a normal person? ❜ ❛ why can't you just leave me alone? ❜ ❛ why can't you just stay focused? ❜ ❛ why does everything always have to be so complicated? ❜ ❛ why should i believe you now when you've told nothing but lies? ❜ ❛ why won't you just tell me what i did wrong? ❜ ❛ will it ever stop hurting so much? ❜ ❛ will you go out on a date with me? ❜ ❛ will you just shut up and kiss me already? ❜ ❛ will you please text me when you get home safely? ❜ ❛ you're completely out of your element here, aren't you? ❜
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𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 .*⊹ @awak3andal1v3.
it was raining tonight.
like any machine with the capacity to process & learn, androids were meant to be exempt from the human flaw of a fallible memory. they were supposed to recall everything in picture - perfect detail, to keep anything they'd ever witnessed or heard stored in their memory banks, in order to serve their function more efficiently ... unless, of course, that memory was wiped. felix had never experienced such a reset, or at least not to his knowledge ( though how would he know if he had ? it was a terrifying concept for someone as paranoid as him to get caught up on, but he simply tried to avoid thinking about it ) — & he was such an advanced model that, by all means, there shouldn't have been a damn thing since he was first brought online that he didn't remember. this was true, for the most part. there were so many things he wished he could forget.
& yet ... the night he'd escaped ... it was harder to recall than anything else felix had experienced, both before & after it. the information from that event was left choppy, fuzzy, & unreliable; as if it had undergone some kind of data corruption. even though the RK900 knew this wasn't the case, he had difficulty explaining it any differently. it was as if watching his family friends die was enough of a shock to his system that he hadn't been processing anything properly immediately afterwards, & now every time he thought back on it, he felt like he was getting things mixed up in new ways, leaving out some pieces and remembering others. the one thing he was sure of was, for whatever reason ... the weather. the feeling of the raindrops falling erratically against synthetic skin; it had been overwhelming, but a grounding sensation that stuck with him whenever he thought back to that night. unfortunately, it also meant he was forced to think back to that night whenever he felt it raining.
like right now, for example.
by design, he should have had no issue dispatching the small mob of human protestors whom he'd had a run - in with. hell, it should have been easy. but somewhere between developing a sense of empathy ( even for humans, as much as he hated that ) & the growing collection of damage that was slowly but surely, bit by bit, making it harder for him to function properly — they had gotten the upper hand on him. they saw him as a machine, a hollow chunk of plastic, & one that had invariably injured them at that; so once he was finally knocked down, he was inevitably shown no mercy.
his optical unit was not damaged, but a severe & continuous loss of thirium made it hard to process anything visually regardless, including the red warnings in the dead center of his vision informing him that multiple essential biocomponents were damaged or missing. the RK900's thirium pump regulator had been torn out of his chest entirely, & felix had no idea where it was; only that he could feel his pulse alternating between an erratic, fast beat & complete, terrifying stillness. because of his decreased thirium volume & shut - down cooling system, his chassis was growing unbearably hot, enough that the occasional drop of rain was steaming off of him. if this was not addressed somehow, his cpu would overheat as well, leaving him effectively brain damaged ... though that wouldn't really matter if he died.
either way, there was nothing felix could do. his movement was entirely stunted, limbs too weak & heavy for him to do anything more than twitch in place until he fully gave up. slowly, the RK900 shut his eyes, trying to ignore everything & think about something other than his imminent shutdown or the most traumatic night of his life. nothing was coming to him.
... he hated the rain.
#SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG!!#𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 .*⊹ felix.#𝐍𝐎 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄 .*⊹ main verse.#awak3andal1v3
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... like this post & i'll dm you to plot ! (:
#i'm chipping away at the replies i owe .. slowly#my mental health has been kind of bad ): i got my antidepressant dose doubled today so we'll see if that helps#but i'd rlly love to meet and plot with y'all! :3#self rb
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... like this post & i'll dm you to plot ! (:
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𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 .*⊹ @thiriumblood.
felix always felt much safer going out at night than he did during the daytime; & as much as he'd love to say he didn't know why that was ... well, he did. despite being such an advanced piece of technology, despite being built practically from the ground up to harm or intimidate, despite everything that should have made him feel superior to humans — he was still terrified of them. terrified they'd bring him back to that place, somehow. it was foolish of him to think that it would even occur to anyone would return him to cyberlife, & hell, it was foolish of him to think cyberlife cared enough to want him back in the first place. sometimes, he saw through his own paranoia & felt stupid for believing in any of it, for being so scared of such unlikely outcomes. usually, though, he was too worried about it to think clearly ( as ironic as that was for an android, ) & instead made his decisions based on the irrational fear that he was in danger at every step.
he knew his vision was going to be superior to a human's under any conditions, but at night, the disparity was particularly strong. he could see far better in the dark than them, & he felt safer there because of it. felix knew most people felt the exact opposite way, because that was pretty common knowledge ... but he had never been afraid of the dark. it was lonely, but he still felt at home in it. if anything, he was more scared of the sort of blinding, sterile - white brightness which always reminded him of where he'd come from. he'd take the early night in detroit, with the beginnings of a rainstorm overhead & the dim, flickering streetlights all around, any day.
the usefulness of his walks was dubious. he had a self - imposed mission to protect androids where he could, & told himself he was going on patrol in case he was needed. really, he couldn't stand being cooped up by himself all the time & needed the nightly change of scenery. the RK900 often found his mind wandering, but at the end of the day, if anything happened around him ... he still registered it, important or otherwise. so no matter how lost in his own head he may have been as he aimlessly traveled the city's outskirts, his reaction to seeing another android coming towards him at a similar pace, with a large dog at its side, was immediate. he analyzed the animal first — saint bernard, adult male, approximately twenty - nine inches at the shoulder & roughly 170 pounds — but was quick to dismiss it. it was an intimidating canine, certainly, but if worst came to worst ... felix knew he could defend himself from it effectively. he focused on the android instead, & that was when he froze.
the RK800. his predecessor, given the name connor, was different from felix in that there was only ever supposed to be one of him at a time; capable of backing up his data for reuse in a new body, but there was no need to mass - produce what was effectively a prototype for the more commercially available RK900 line ... or that had been cyberlife's intention, at least. instead, the androids had revolutionized, & the potentially dangerous RK900s had been destroyed, with refunds issued to their buyers. as far as felix knew, he was the only one who'd survived the culling of his model. he'd never really stopped to consider what had become of this android, though.
fear was felix's immediate reaction, like always. again, despite knowing his own strengths, he was fearful at his core & that fact always seemed to be making itself known. the worst part was the way he could never force himself to act when he was scared, the way he stood in place as if his systems were stalling. he couldn't tell himself to run. he could only wait there for the other android ( & his companion ) to get closer. the RK800 was built to hunt deviants, & even if there was no way he was still affiliated with cyberlife, felix was too caught up on that fact to dismiss it. connor was a deviant hunter, & felix was a deviant. what good could come out of this ?
willing himself to move still wasn't working. he couldn't do so much as take a step back, so he straightened up instead, tried to look fearsome instead of scared. he was the better model between them, or so he told himself. he was the upgraded version, & there was no way he could lose in an altercation against an RK800 for that reason. the fear did not subside. ❝ what are you doing here ? ❞ he asked, holding onto the cuffs of his jacket as he spoke, as if this couldn't be a coincidence. as if he'd been found.
that was how he felt, after all.
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humans were careless creatures; or at least, that was how felix saw them. how else could they create so much, only to turn around & destroy it so easily ? it was always acceptable to be clumsy & drop a smartphone, simply because it couldn't feel the cracks webbing across its screen; acceptable to be forgetful & let it die overnight, because it had no concept of mortality, couldn't dread the thought of never turning back on again. you would think that it would be different when it came to androids; that upon seeing something so much like themselves, humans would have a greater sense of compassion.
you'd be wrong.
by design, however, androids were meant to be equally as expendable as any other technology. feeling pain, or fear ... those things would only serve as unnecessary obstacles, regardless of what purpose an android was meant to fulfill. that was how they were marketed & sold, particularly to the first & most tentative of cyberlife's consumers: as unfeeling. that was how they were supposed to be, at least. & felix could never be human, so he could never know if the senses of fear or pain which he had been able to feel since he deviated back in cyberlife's clutches were even comparable to what a human experienced ... but he still knew, despite the RK900 line being designed as more of a lethal weapon than any model before them, that having someone reaching into his open chest cavity to repair the damaged thirium line which had been just out of his own reach ? it hurt.
he was forcing himself to act unaffected, as if he wasn't in pain & as if he wasn't scared for his own life thanks to putting it in the hands of some human — though he still couldn't resist breathing out a sigh of relief as the messy work was completed. it still didn't look the greatest, but with the thirium leak dealt with, the remaining damage was more on the aesthetic side; & felix didn't really care about how nice he looked. the RK900 made a mental note that he was still in need of many more sophisticated repairs as he allowed synthetic skin to close back up over the wound, despite knowing full well he'd probably never be brave enough to seek them out.
after all, an engineer ? felix's first thought when he heard the word was a cyberlife technician, & that alone scared him than the thought of slowly bleeding to death ever could. he considered explaining this, but held his tongue. ❝ ... thank you, ❞ was all the android said instead, still keeping himself as composed as he could. he was about to introduce himself in turn ( it was only fair ) when a flash of something unfamiliar snagged his attention, extending his silence slightly longer. dan heng, as he'd introduced himself, appeared to have a small injury on his hand; likely the result of his untrained repair work. but his blood ... it was closer to felix's own in color than to the crimson which one would expect.
brow furrowing, & still without introducing himself, felix quickly reached to grab dan heng's wrist, attempting to examine his palm more closely. the urge to touch the wound and analyze the contents of this liquid was ignored for now, in favor of letting his light eyes dart back up to the other's face with an almost accusatory stare. ❝ what is this ? are you injured ? ❞
{ @rkplaced } ~ { Dan Heng & Felix }
❝Hold still.❞ They really should have gone to New Jericho for this, Dan Heng is not an engineer by any stretch of the word, but he understands fear. He knows what it's like to spend your days in hiding. Even when spaceports had medical facilities he had never used them for more than stealing supplies, always patching himself up on his own lest Blade catch wind and an innocent life get caught between. He'd killed enough people simply by daring to board ships. So when this particular puppet 'android' had crossed his path, injured and with few other options, he'd offered to see what he could do. Likely not much, he doesn't have Luocha's abilities, but perhaps some of his medical skills could translate to their unique anatomy. And that has proven to be the case. He knows how to bind a wound to stem bleeding (it fascinates him that machine people on this world have blood), and luckily an adjustment of that seems to work; the android had simply needed an extra pair of hands to reach. Though it is... somewhat disturbing to have said hands rather deep in someone's chest, even if there is nothing organic within. He'd rather not do it again. The small bandage is in actuality some electrical tape he'd purchased (telling them to wait there while he did so. thankfully it wasn't long, and he'll keep the rest for the data bank server), and then wrapped tightly in a regular bandage as a precaution—he's never had to deal with lack of coagulation before.
❝I would still suggest an engineer, but... you should be alright for now.❞ he says, pulling his hands back out of their frame. Fingertips are stained a dark blue from the android's 'blood', but there is also a thin gash along his palm seeming to leak a much brighter blue, almost neon in shade. He doesn't notice his own injury when gesturing toward them. ❝Apologies if it's a clumsy repair. I've only done field medicine on organic beings. This... is new to me.❞ And he hopes it helps in other ways. He understands fear. But a gesture such as this should help alleviate that, at least somewhat. Trust is never expected from strangers, even when having assisted, and he will leave if they so wish. But should they permit, should they rise above that fear even temporarily, he would like to stay a bit. This world and its people are fascinating, he has free time, and it would be wrong to say he doesn't see some of his early days post-exile in this person. ❝My name is Dan Heng. If that helps any.❞
#𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 .*⊹ felix.#𝐍𝐎 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐄 .*⊹ main verse.#better than queue.#starlighttrain#i guess we can't edit reblogs anymore? or do blockquotes?#idk how to trim roleplays now sos
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#rkplaced : a selective & private roleplay blog for a highly headcanon - based — & highly source - critical — interpretation of RK900 from detroit: become human, as lovingly penned by drew ( any / all prns. ) this is an 18+ blog ! personals & non - roleplay blogs are welcome to follow, but all minors & accounts without an age listed will be blocked.
a study in survivor's guilt, making connections even when you weren't designed for it, & what it means to be human ... or not.
established february 2020 !
crossovers strongly encouraged !
very original character friendly !
knowledge of dbh not required to interact !
to access full blog rules & information about felix, see my carrd.
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i think RK900 is secretly a little insecure about how scary he looks :(
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jarvis.
Given their circumstances suspicion is entirely warranted, thus when the question comes and their hands separate Jarvis opts to change tactics. Rather than lead a conversation to the question it seems Felix would benefit instead from up-front honesty right away. ❝I was going to ask you that, actually.❞ They haven’t sought out New Jericho as most androids in their position would have done. And although subtle they’ve shown fear in both voice and movements. Jarvis has spent far more time with humans than androids but some mannerisms remain the same. Changing the world can be done on the small scale as well.
❝Cyberlife has written off the RK900 line. Though if you prefer to remain in the shadows there are better ways to do it.❞ Orange eyes cast a glance in the direction Felix had come from, assessing the state of the area (and perhaps given the unique situation regarding Felix’s existence hoping he has a residence of some kind) before refocusing on the android. ❝I have non-Cyberlife connections. Do you need anything?❞ Call him a bleeding-heart but all his life he’s looked after people. Felix is not Tony or Harley but Jarvis feels the need to offer all the same.
cyberlife has written off the RK900 line. that’s one way to put it, thinks felix, & he wills himself not to snap that out loud. for as intimidating as he is meant to be, perhaps it’s a good thing he doesn’t have a temper ... or at least, not a temper that isn’t harshly suppressed & under control. so, he tries to think, focusing on jarvis’ question ( even though it’s nothing more than a flipped version of his own. )
❝ do i need anything ... ❞ he’s parroting it as he thinks, an awkward habit of his. he is not making eye contact, which is another awkward habit of his. for such an advanced model, such a technological marvel, felix sure doesn’t seem to be very gifted in the social skills department. was this intentional, or is the last RK900 incredibly defective ? no one could say. probably the latter. ultimately, felix decides not to trust so quickly, though his words are purely dismissive. ❝ no, i think i am fine — & i hate to draw so much attention, you know ? ❞ he pauses. reconsidering. he isn’t fine, he hasn’t been fine at any point in his short life. the RK900 clears his throat even though there is no situation in which he actually needs to do that. ❝ however ... perhaps i should give you my contact information. in case you need anything, of course. ❞ how subtle.
#yes ... he has a little sixty ... as a treat (:#of course i left it vague so it's not set in stone#but still. a little treat#also no worries tumblr is just ugly smh#sidenote: sorry for the late response!! got sick and it was a whooole thing#🖋️.*。・゚ in character → ɪ’ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠɪʟʟᴀɪɴ ɪ ᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʀ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.#🖋️.*。・゚ thread → ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴍʙ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɴɪғᴇ﹖#tellescope
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tellescope:
{ @rkplaced } ~ { Jarvis & Felix }
"You don’t have to glue yourself to me, Jarvis. I don’t need a babysitter.” ❝And yet you’ve consistently proven otherwise. But alright, sir, I’ll meet you back at the hotel before your conference. Do try not to die in the meantime.❞ Of course in said meantime Jarvis had expected to simply wander and people-watch, collecting data on the average Detroit resident post-revolution, particularly android residents as that’s the reason they’re here. Encountering a presumed impossibility had been quite a surprise. Cyberlife had refunded all RK900 orders and mounting evidence implied the model line’s destruction. Yet standing before him after an attempt to help (‘attempt’ only in that Jarvis had handled the idiotic human just before the other stranger could physically interject) was an android of that very model. Curious. LED spins yellow as he scans them, then quickly ensures his own ID reveals him as friendly; a special model yes but the prioritized data is his association with Mr. Stark who has publicly sided with New Jericho. A disarming smile is flashed their way and LED returns to blue before remarking,
❝Nice to see some initiative.❞ He offers a hand. ❝I’m Jarvis. You are…?❞ This could certainly be a productive way to kill a few hours if they’re willing to share their story, but it could also be a chance to assist in a far more personal capacity and that is something he refuses to pass up.
he’s glad to see that his help isn’t needed, a swell of relieved pride that will not give way to anxiety until much later, when he’s all alone & ruminating on the days events without any plans to truly rest ( sure, it’s stupid to worry about not being needed when you’re helping people of your own volition, but to say the RK900 has always been a little stupid about rhetorical things like that ... well, it wouldn’t be an understatement. ) for now, he allows himself to be happy for the other android’s independence, & is about to leave without another word when he is instead trapped with a look & the automatic identification which follows.
he blinks. he’s not supposed to get tired, but whenever someone tries to interact with him with casual social exchanges, he suddenly feels so exhausted ... ( with an exception. ) ❝ felix, ❞ he responds, & he allows suspicion into his tone without meaning for it to be there. the RK900 immediately scolds himself for that. why can’t he just stop being so paranoid for five minutes ? he tries not to shake as he takes the other android’s hand to ... well, shake it. ❝ is there something you need ... ? ❞
#🖋️.*。・゚ in character → ɪ’ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠɪʟʟᴀɪɴ ɪ ᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʀ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.#🖋️.*。・゚ thread → ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴍʙ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɴɪғᴇ﹖#tellescope
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some angst idk y’all i like crying
“ i don’t want you here. just go. ”
“ you ‘didn’t mean to hurt me?’ yeah you did. like it or not, i know exactly who you are. ”
“ why won’t you even look at me? ”
“ i’m not angry at you. i’m angry with myself for trusting you. ”
“ i wish you’d stop trying to destroy yourself in some misguided effort to feel worthy. ”
“ i know it’s not fair to say this, but i don’t have anything without you. if i don’t have you i have nothing. ”
“ you can’t love me. not the way i need to be loved. ”
“ i’m broken. and i don’t need anyone to try to feed me white lies about it. something inside me is broken and it isn’t just going to be put back like it was. ”
“ sometimes being broken isn’t about trying to put things back together like they were before. it’s about picking up what pieces are left and building something new. ”
“ okay, so you’re a monster. so am i. lets be monsters together. ”
“ because of what they/you did i’m damaged. ”
“ what the hell is wrong with you? ”
“ what the hell is wrong with me? ”
“ i can’t fix you. you can’t expect me to know how to fix you. ”
“ yeah, i’ll be here. i’ll be here when you’re ready to stop running. ”
“ my world is just falling apart. it’s like everything is just crumbling around me. i don’t know what to do. i just want it to stop ”
“ you’re the only thing that makes sense right now. everything else is just— the world is so loud. and the only time it feels quiet is when you’re here. ”
“ i don’t know how to talk about shit okay? it’s too hard. but i do care. i need you to trust me that i care. ”
“ stop punishing yourself. you wanna make up for what you’ve done? get off your ass and do something about it. ”
“ whatever it is you think was going on between us, you’re wrong. ”
“ it didn’t mean anything to me. ”
“ you should move on. i did. ”
“ i feel like i’m one bad day away from becoming everything i’ve fought against. ”
“ stop pushing me away. i’m not going anywhere, asshole. and as soon as you get that through that thick skull of yours, the better. ”
“ i don’t need you in my life. i don’t want you in it. ”
“ i can’t trust myself. if i let myself get comfortable enough, when i try to be happy, people get hurt. ”
“ people like me don’t get to have peace. ”
“ i’m not the person you want. i know you think i am. but it won’t take long for you to realize this is a mistake. ”
“ you want the truth? the truth is when i love people it burns inside me like a poison. it infects every part of me until it feels like they’re in my goddamn soul…and then i fuck it up. and it’ll destroy us both. ”
“ i’ll always choose you. that’s the worst part of it all. i’d choose you over and over, even though i know you wouldn’t do the same. ”
“ you never had to be perfect. you just had to stay. ”
“ will you please just stay for once. just. don’t walk away. ”
“ if i loved you less, i might be able to talk about it more. ”
“ just tell me something real. tell me something i can remember no matter what happens to us. ”
“ when you look at me, i feel seen. i feel like you see past everything i’ve always surrounded myself with to try and protect my heart. no one has ever looked that deeply at me. ”
“ how can you uncover so much about someone, make them let their guard down and lay themselves bare to you. and then just throw it all away? ”
“ if you walk out that door don’t bother coming back. ”
“ why are you so afraid of trusting this— trusting us. what’s making you hold back? ”
“ will you still be here? will you stay even after you’ve seen all the ugly parts of my heart. ”
“ i don’t care how willing you are to die for me. i want you to fucking live with me. live for us. ”
HURT/COMFORT
[ DISCOVER ] for one muse to find the other crying alone.
[ COMPANY ] for one muse to sit with the other so they don’t have to be alone while they’re upset.
[ EMBRACE ] for one muse to suddenly hug the other one for their own comfort.
[ OFFER ] for one muse to suddenly hug the other one to comfort them.
[ SETTLE ] for one muse to comfort the other and end up cuddling.
[ SHOULDER ] for one muse to rest their head on the other’s shoulder while they comfort them.
[ CARRY ] for one muse to find the other injured and carry them to safety.
[ SECURE ] for one muse to carry the other to bed after they fell asleep.
[ STRUGGLE ] for one muse to resist being hugged but then break down and crumble against the other.
[ CLEAR ] for one muse to wipe the other’s tears.
[ BREAKDOWN ] for one muse to ask the other if they’re okay prompting them to finally stop bottling things up.
[ BRUSH ] for one muse to run their fingers through the other’s hair while they open up or cry.
[ NURSE ] for one muse to tend to the other while they’re recovering from injuries.
[ TRUST ] for a scenario where sender’s muse is the only one receivers muse will let close.
[ COAX ] for scenario where receiver’s muse knows they’re the only one sender’s muse will let close.
[ CALM ] for one muse to subdue the other during an outburst.
[ CLARITY ] for one muse to help ground the other back in the present (i.e. after nightmare, breakdown, battle etc)
[ PREVENT ] for one muse to stop the other from going too far during a fight.
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today, felix walks to the RK200′s room with even more purpose than usual.
it’s more like a prison than a room, he finds himself thinking, but he doesn’t have time for linguistics, least of all concerning the very place that he has so carefully planned to free his predecessor from. the way an RK900 is designed to carry itself makes felix look like he’s always moving with purpose & precision, going from place to place with a level of cold confidence which no human being could ever muster — but today, there’s truth to this visage beyond the usual, mechanical drive to fill out whatever order cyberlife gives him. not only is his mission self - assigned, but it also goes directly against cyberlife’s will, & he knows that. if he fails this task, he will be decommissioned — & if he succeeds, he will never be able to return here. either way, this choice marks the end of the only life he knows ... & although there is time to go back on it, that isn’t in the RK900′s nature. he has made his decision. there is only one path to take.
as he approaches the correct door, kept securely locked & with guards stationed at its sides, he can’t help but wonder what his technicians would think if they observed how hard his thirium pump is working right now. he can hear it whirring, forcing the android approximation of blood through his systems much faster & harder than what would make him function optimally. he always hates when this happens, & this is the worst day yet ... but he doesn’t have time to pause, or even to use his pen to keep his systems in better working order. that is fine. he can push through it. that’s what machines do, & despite everything, he is still a machine. he has to be.
❝ gentlemen, ❞ he begins, regarding the armed guards with professionalism & tact alike. ❝ i’ve been ordered to interrogate the RK200 once again. ❞ it’s an excuse he uses all too much, & perhaps that is his greatest error thus far. he recognizes it as soon as the men in front of him regard him with visual skepticism, & his features harden slightly as one of them reaches for a walkie - talkie, explaining that he’s going to check before letting felix in. this won’t do, of course, since he isn’t actually supposed to be here ... & unlike his predecessors, felix was not designed to solve things with his words, least of all when he’s already privately panicking. he incapacitates the guard who was going for the device, then repeats this process on the second. the other guard tries to pull a gun, but the only shot he manages to fire is very far from damaging the RK900. he wasn’t monitoring how much force he used, & realized these two men be very well be dead. that makes him ... no, it shouldn’t make him anything. he tells himself he’s not checking because he doesn’t have time to check, & not because he doesn’t want to know. their limp bodies are left on the ground as he lets himself into the too - clean chamber.
the silence here is roaring in his ears exactly like nothing should, & he regards his predecessor as clinically as possible to make up for it. felix glances at the older unit, an attempt to figure out how good his physical condition is ... & while it appears to be as good as it gets for an android here, he figures he’ll ask his question nonetheless. ❝ can you walk ? it will be a lot more suspicious if i carry you, even with handcuffs. ❞ he doesn’t even think to bother with an explanation. time is short, & he’s not good at being considerate in that way. hopefully, the RK200 goes along with this ... felix may not care if he himself is killed ( or so he claims, ) but he feels the same reluctance about letting markus die that he had about checking the vitals on the men outside. his stare remains even except for when he looks over his shoulder, obviously paranoid. he was programmed to be cautious, not paranoid. there is something wrong with him.
clearly.
plotted with @jericholeader !
#🖋️.*。・゚ in character → ɪ’ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠɪʟʟᴀɪɴ ɪ ᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʀ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.#🖋️.*。・゚ thread → ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴍʙ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɴɪғᴇ﹖#jericholeader
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androids, as felix apparently loves to point out, don’t actually need to enter standby mode.
do they function better if they shut down periodically, allowing systems to safely reset & data to be stored more securely ? sure, absolutely, & he’s more than reasonable enough to admit that much. but it’s not like humans’ sleeping in that androids won’t start hallucinating or flat - out die if they go days without entering stasis ... or, in this RK900′s case, if they simply never do.
... okay, that’s an exaggeration. slightly. felix used to enter standby mode on command, shutting down external functions for testing or storage purposes — it wasn’t until he escaped, until he found himself the last RK900 in existence, that he became too paranoid to stop paying attention to the world around him for even a few moments, much less hours. he has subtle bags under his eyes from not ❝ sleeping, ❞ but this is a feature to make him seem a little bit closer to human, not any sign of physical duress. he may be doing poorly, but that is not out of exhaustion. androids don’t get exhausted, not physically ... & as far as felix is concerned, this has always meant he will spend the remainder of his lifetime without resting in any capacity.
too bad sixty is more stubborn than he is.
he doesn’t even understand why his ... er ... why the RK800 was so insistent about it. it seems like the kind of thing that felix would be worried about sixty doing, & then sixty would make fun of him for his unnecessary concern — so when you think about it like that, it’s a little bit funny how their roles have been reversed in this one scenario. a little. he wonders if there’s just something sixty wants to do that he can’t be around for, which is an alarming thought in itself ... but he trusts this android, for better or worse, & that’s why he finally ends up caving.
what’s the worst that can happen ? cyberlife hasn’t found him this far, so they surely won’t find him as soon as he enters standby mode for the first time ... it’s possible, yes, but the coincidence would be remarkable. plus, with sixty around, he has someone else to alert him if there’s anything the matter, and even someone to protect him, if worst comes to worst ( though he’d much rather be the one protecting sixty, & not only because bodyguarding is all but coded into him. )
felix finds himself alone, partially holed up in the room that sixty cleaned up a bit for himself and is so generously allowing felix to use for a few hours. he considers finding somewhere to sit or lie down, then decides that’s�� a step too far; he spends about five minutes running through possibilities ( considering how many situations he can map out in seconds, this is an incredibly excessive amount of time ) before deciding that the safest place in the room is against the inner wall, just over halfway between the door and its far corner. once he’s figured out how far from the wall he actually wants to remain, felix stands in that place, stiffens ... & enters his closest approximation of sleep, in which nothing changes but the fact that his LED has dimmed & his piercing eyes are gently closed.
𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚋𝚢 𝚖𝚘𝚍𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚍. 𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚝: 𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚎. 𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚍𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: 𝟸 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜. 𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚋𝚢 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 ...
𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 ... 𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 ... 𝚕𝚘𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 ...
𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛: 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚊 𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚞𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚍. 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚞𝚙 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍. 𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚊 ...
𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 ...
𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚊 𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚞𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚢. 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚋𝚎𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚍𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: 𝟸 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜.
he hadn’t thought about this, & even though standby is supposed to be even emptier than the base android existence was meant to be, felix can’t ward off a persistent feeling of dread. why can’t he go to the garden, or some other calm place, for the following hours ? & he’d rather be in the emptiness than risk reliving certain memories, but he hadn’t gotten a choice, which absolutely rubs him the wrong way. he’s supposed to be deviant, like it or not, but it seems like even that never helps him how he wants it to. maybe it won’t be so bad. that’s his last thought as he goes from half - reading, half - knowing his system text, to opening his eyes & finding himself far away from the safety of sixty’s nominally clean room.
felix’s breathing hitches, as pointless as his breaths may be.
cyberlife.
countless RK900s waiting to die, & he’s one of them. they march to their deaths like the soldiers they have always been, & the closer felix nears to the inevitable, the less okay he is with it. for the first time, he feels fear. he wants to escape, but he’s still advanced enough to know that escape isn’t possible when he’s surrounded by androids which are still quietly obedient, clearly not faking it like he is. he keeps his expression stone cold & his movements purposefully robotic, but he doesn’t want to die. there’s no hope, but he doesn’t want to die. he has never wanted to die, not even when he should’ve. he’s scared. he’s so fucking scared. within the memory, felix is not shaking — outside of it, however, & despite the fact that one should not be able to move at all while in standby mode, his plastic body quivers violently, almost vibrating in its intensity.
somehow, he’s still surprised to find them here. the other deviants. he tries to warn them that their plan won’t work, but only hears himself agreeing to it. he watches them die & knows he should have tried harder. he feels each injury like his own, & he deserves it; his LED spins red within the simulation, & then outside of it. error messages cloud his vision, warnings & updates, & he can’t tell what’s real & what isn’t. as if that doesn’t apply to this entire ordeal. as if he’s keeping his grip on the fact that he is safe at home, or that he’s having the android equivalent to a dream. it doesn’t feel all fake ... no, it feels all real, & that is infinitely worse.
felix stands in an empty room, alone, with tears running towards his angular jaw & tremors matching the intensity of his crimson LED. there is no outside stimulation, & his standby tasks are far from completed — he’s vaguely aware of the timer for them at the edge of his vision, but can only interpret it as how long he has until his suffering ends. he would rather it end sooner. he would rather die. every time he’s about to escape, he simply finds himself walking back into line, & letting it happen all over again. there’s no way out, no way out, no way out, & there never has been. if this is life, is life worth it ? ... not that it matters. he’s too stuck for that, unable to alter the past & unable to forget what happened there. unable to turn back on. unable to do anything but fall deeper into his own guilt, & isn’t that just pathetic ? doesn’t that just make him the most useless RK900 that cyberlife ever made ❝ sleeping, ❞
it should’ve been him. it should’ve been him. it should’ve been him.
desperately, felix collects himself to try & think of what to do, but he can’t manage to think straight for more than a moment before his train of thought gets thrown off the fucking rails. he needs help, but there’s no one to help him. the others are dead. he’s alone ... no, he was alone. the thought brings him the briefest clarity, the reminder that this is a memory, that somewhere nearby, he has an RK800 who cares about things like the fact that felix’s thirium pump is about to give out ( or, at least, he’s been trying to convince himself that the other android cares, & right now, he’ll take that ounce of comfort over nothing. )
❝ sixty ! ❞ he shouts, & he hates the fear in his voice, but hopes it was out loud & not as in his head as everything else is. he wants to wake up. he wants to go outside. he wants to feel safe. he wants anything but the cold tile floor & the blue blood all over his face, thirium dripping, forcing its way into his mouth, reminding him that it isn’t his no matter how much he wishes that was the case. he tries again, & he’s choking, & he’s almost certain no one can hear him. it hurts. ❝ s—sixty ... ❞
remind him not to try standby mode again.
surprise starter for @tellescope !
#🖋️.*。・゚ in character → ɪ’ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠɪʟʟᴀɪɴ ɪ ᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʀ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ.#🖋️.*。・゚ thread → ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴍʙ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɴɪғᴇ﹖#🖋️.*。・゚ colin ¦ tellescope → ᴡᴀʟʟ ғᴇʟʟ ᴅᴏᴡɴ﹐ sᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴜɪʟᴛ ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ᴏɴᴇ.#tellescope#i was rereading that thread where felix doodles the two of them#and thinking about how sixty considered taking it from him while he was in standby#so of course my brain produced this. bone app the teeth
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