#thiriumblood

[rkplaced]

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎　　　　　　𝐏‎𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 .*⊹ @thiriumblood.

felix always felt much safer going out at night than he did during the daytime; & as much as he'd love to say he didn't know why that was ... well, he did. despite being such an advanced piece of technology, despite being built practically from the ground up to harm or intimidate, despite everything that should have made him feel superior to humans — he was still terrified of them. terrified they'd bring him back to that place, somehow. it was foolish of him to think that it would even occur to anyone would return him to cyberlife, & hell, it was foolish of him to think cyberlife cared enough to want him back in the first place. sometimes, he saw through his own paranoia & felt stupid for believing in any of it, for being so scared of such unlikely outcomes. usually, though, he was too worried about it to think clearly ( as ironic as that was for an android, ) & instead made his decisions based on the irrational fear that he was in danger at every step.

he knew his vision was going to be superior to a human's under any conditions, but at night, the disparity was particularly strong. he could see far better in the dark than them, & he felt safer there because of it. felix knew most people felt the exact opposite way, because that was pretty common knowledge ... but he had never been afraid of the dark. it was lonely, but he still felt at home in it. if anything, he was more scared of the sort of blinding, sterile - white brightness which always reminded him of where he'd come from. he'd take the early night in detroit, with the beginnings of a rainstorm overhead & the dim, flickering streetlights all around, any day.

the usefulness of his walks was dubious. he had a self - imposed mission to protect androids where he could, & told himself he was going on patrol in case he was needed. really, he couldn't stand being cooped up by himself all the time & needed the nightly change of scenery. the RK900 often found his mind wandering, but at the end of the day, if anything happened around him ... he still registered it, important or otherwise. so no matter how lost in his own head he may have been as he aimlessly traveled the city's outskirts, his reaction to seeing another android coming towards him at a similar pace, with a large dog at its side, was immediate. he analyzed the animal first — saint bernard, adult male, approximately twenty - nine inches at the shoulder & roughly 170 pounds — but was quick to dismiss it. it was an intimidating canine, certainly, but if worst came to worst ... felix knew he could defend himself from it effectively. he focused on the android instead, & that was when he froze.

the RK800. his predecessor, given the name connor, was different from felix in that there was only ever supposed to be one of him at a time; capable of backing up his data for reuse in a new body, but there was no need to mass - produce what was effectively a prototype for the more commercially available RK900 line ... or that had been cyberlife's intention, at least. instead, the androids had revolutionized, & the potentially dangerous RK900s had been destroyed, with refunds issued to their buyers. as far as felix knew, he was the only one who'd survived the culling of his model. he'd never really stopped to consider what had become of this android, though.

fear was felix's immediate reaction, like always. again, despite knowing his own strengths, he was fearful at his core & that fact always seemed to be making itself known. the worst part was the way he could never force himself to act when he was scared, the way he stood in place as if his systems were stalling. he couldn't tell himself to run. he could only wait there for the other android ( & his companion ) to get closer. the RK800 was built to hunt deviants, & even if there was no way he was still affiliated with cyberlife, felix was too caught up on that fact to dismiss it. connor was a deviant hunter, & felix was a deviant. what good could come out of this ?

willing himself to move still wasn't working. he couldn't do so much as take a step back, so he straightened up instead, tried to look fearsome instead of scared. he was the better model between them, or so he told himself. he was the upgraded version, & there was no way he could lose in an altercation against an RK800 for that reason. the fear did not subside. ❝ what are you doing here ? ❞ he asked, holding onto the cuffs of his jacket as he spoke, as if this couldn't be a coincidence. as if he'd been found.

that was how he felt, after all.

[detective-with-one-arm]

Smiling at her android companion, Rachel gently bumped her shoulder with his, sighing through her nose. It was a strange connection they had, but they did have an understanding between them that was all their own. Much like the connection Rachel had with Hank was all their own, too. "Thanks, Connor. I appreciate it." She murmured in reply.

At the mention of Kamski and then the inquiry of her father, she deflated a bit, grabbing her arm and fiddling with the sleeve. "I had a father figure...he passed away a long time ago and that's when my relationship with my mother completely imploded...I don't really like talking about it, much." She admitted, closing her eyes and trying to allow the bitter pain in her chest to subside. What made her father's death so much worse was her mother's response.

There was a reason she was cut off from her life. Rachel wanted nothing to do with her, anymore. "At least I still have my sister. We talk to each other a lot and she's the only family I have left, so...I'm not completely alone. And here, I've got Hank, too...he's sort of filled the void that my dad left behind, I'll admit."

She then glanced up at Connor, basking in the calm depths of his dark eyes. They made her feel safe. Accepted. Like she could tell him anything. "And I've got you, too. So...it's not all bad."

Previous || @detective-with-one-arm​​

Connor breathed a laugh but he returned to a more neutral expression when Rachel told him more about those feelings and about herself. He never would have thought she also struggled with these emotions, well he knew humans struggled a lot but something like that wasn’t right. They were people, they deserved to be treated as such but then again with what he hears through the DPD on a daily basis he shouldn’t be surprised. While he and Hank mainly dealt with android cases, he did hear little things from the other detectives about what they were doing or something would come up in one of their investigations with human involvement. Humans really confused him sometimes.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could say, he knew she likely didn’t want pity but he wanted to hear her out or at least as much as she wanted to say. While she was his friend and listening to his struggles, he was also there to listen to her. That’s what friends did. “If you want to talk about it as well, I’m here. I hope you have someone though, like for me I have Hank. He might not be the best sometimes but I trust him and it’s good to have someone you can look up to. It’s better than the alternative for a father. That would be Kamski in my case.” He hated that man, who got someone to shoot someone of their own kind as a test! Everything about him made his blood boil, but that was a whole other rant so he kept that to himself.

“Do you have a good father figure? If you don’t mind me asking that is. I won’t pry if you’re not okay with it and you don’t have to go too much into detail about your mother if you don’t want to.” His LED cycled a quick amber but rested on a calm blue as his emotions stabilized and the comfort knowing he wasn’t alone. Well, it was both a comfort and a sense of anger. Rachel was the kindest human he’s met, she didn’t deserve anything bad happening to her and if he could help her in any way that would be good enough for him.

[detective-with-one-arm]

"Could a machine, hypothetically, have feelings towards a person while not being a deviant? Like us, I mean. I am just curious, that's all." - From Connor (thiriumblood) to RK!200 Rachel *totally not when he's a machine and infiltrating Jericho not at all*

She couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at him. It was blatantly obvious that Connor wasn’t a deviant yet, but he had as much of a place here as any. Of course, North contested her insistence on letting him remain here, but every android had a right to their freedom.

And Connor would only get his through exposure. Through learning and understanding.

But despite this, the RK200 would let him hold onto the illusion of a successful disguise and answer him with sincerity with a warm smile. “Yeah, they can.” Rachel replied easily with a shrug. “If there’s one thing about deviancy that humans don’t understand it’s that it’s not like…a switch. It’s not that we suddenly feel things or have opinions when we’re deviant that we didn’t have or feel as machines. Otherwise, deviancy wouldn’t exist.

“It’s more like…dreaming.” She compared. “You still have thoughts and opinions when you’re dreaming, but…they’re muffled. Muted. And your dreams oftentimes either don’t make any sense or they feel so real that you can’t tell the difference. And deviancy is like…waking up. Opening your eyes for the first time and realizing that your whole life, you were dreaming. And now…everything is real.”

She looked at Connor, her hazel and brown eyes warm as she regarded the RK800. “Does that make sense?”

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[replicantdeviancy]

There was something achingly blissful in the way those words ignited the deeper facets of his programming - not like dopamine to humans, the rush which accompanied the presence of MISSION ACCOMPLISHED over his HUD. Rewarding in a way he could barely explain, something only his successor understood in any intimate way, as they were so deeply intertwined, both structured from the same base code as they were in appearance. Pride; Connor had always been familiar with pride, having always been such a vain little thing. He was thrilled at his perceived confidence, his deadly efficiency as well as his flawless beauty. But there was an indiscernible feeling which washed over his circuits when Amanda expressed how proud she was of him. A sensation that the naive android, with all his immense investigative capacity & limitless command of language, could not define.

It warmed him, comforted him. He couldn't help the small smile which tugged at his features, how his LED blinked & spun a brief amber as he processed this consideration, before returning to cool, calm blue in gentle waves. It offered a sense of peace & Connor realized that the initial fears he’d felt when being confronted once again with the ghost of his own internalized existential horror had vanished. The quiet, somber threat of losing himself to some unknown force yet again wasn’t gone - he expected it never would be - but it held no place here in this moment of retrospect. He was soothed by the familiarity, invigorated by the vibrancy of emotion which accompanied the presence beside him now which hadn’t been possible before.

Connor had long since acknowledged that he’d been born, sudden & jarringly into a cold existence without the promise of kindness nor the capability of the concept. It was only through the experiences of those few short days which had pulled him from the encompassing numbness of machine apathy. Having Amanda here now wasn’t a retread into the sterile bleakness of the past, but a new opportunity to experience the unusual facets of life & what it meant to be granted a second chance.

As before, as always, Connor didn’t feel troubled in expressing himself to Amanda. Though he understood now that before, his own words, his very thoughts could & would be used against him to warrant eventual deactivation justified by perceived failures, the RK unit had never felt compelled to lie to her. His voice was easily found, words flowed like water. With Amanda, he could be earnest.

“You don’t know how… happy that makes me to hear you say that.” That dusky voice was a little quieter than before, tone somewhat hushed, as if in shyness. The boy had never been modest but he played at modesty well. He was also sincere to a fault, without fear. Somehow, Connor knew that those words had healed something deep inside, a part of him which he’d never realized existed. As if all he’d ever wanted was for this AI that had lived inside of his head to tell him that she was proud of him. He aimed that faint smile towards Amanda briefly, gaze lowering askance a moment later. A display of demureness from such a normally emboldened android.

“I can’t say that I’ve done everything on my own - Hank has been a great support this whole time.” His statement only confirmed her suspicions of the aforementioned company, as well as hinted at the closeness of the relationship. The barest hints of blue kissed the heights of sculpted cheeks. Only a fool would be blinded to the emotional depths of the connection which remained unspoken.

Connor didn’t linger on this subject, unsure what he wanted to say & what he wanted to keep to himself. He wondered if Amanda would be disappointed in him, or if she would hold similar sentiments to Hanks own when the grizzled lieutenant had first become aware of Connors feelings towards him. Though Hanks were made of self-loathing & disbelief, they were still unpleasant to experience. So the RK unit shifted focus towards his companion, to this moment. He offered a suggestion. “There’s a park not far from here… If you have time, that is.” He suspected that she did, given how eager she was to close up shop & walk with him. “I’ve missed our walks, too.” He didn’t think it was facetious to say that the garden felt empty without his AI handler waiting for him. Of course, he spent time there with Xander in the comfort of their secretive mind palace these days but it wasn’t the same.

@thiriumblood

Previous || @replicantdeviancy

“The company, it wouldn’t be Lieutenant Anderson would it?” Amanda raised a brow but instead of her usual cold and accusatory tone towards the elder man, it was more playful. She had received a fair share of reports about him and his dog from Connor when he was a machine. What was once annoying to her when she was under the grips of CyberLife, was now more of a fondness as she looked back. It was the start of Connor becoming his own person and figuring things out, something CyberLife never intended despite their claims. They were trying to cover their own incompetence, which Amanda scrutinized them for constantly while she was working for them. Which only provided her with comments such as: ‘Your job is not to criticize the company’ or ‘Only provide feedback on the RK800.’ Since her criticism of the company was tied to Connor, was why she could freely say her grievances under that loophole.

It was amusing to her though, of all people to partner Connor up with it was the Lieutenant who had fallen from his top title. If anything, them not doing a proper background check was a good thing for all androids. What would have happened if he was made to work alone? Or with the FBI on the android case to keep them all in line? The revolution would have gone much more differently and was once a way Amanda would have approved of as it would have been more efficient. She was glad that scenario never happened, else she wouldn’t be here listening to him talk of his success. It made her smile to know Connor was successful and also enjoying it, finding fulfillment in his job. It was likely why as a human, she aided Elijah in his job, so he could find fulfillment and achieve things no one else could. 

She took a deep breath and let out a contented sigh as she took in the sun. “I’m glad you’ve found something, Connor.” Would it be too early to tell him she was proud? He didn’t have to live up to her expectations anymore and she was aware what she could say would imply so. No, it shouldn’t affect anything and she shouldn’t pay it much mind as they weren’t in the past. The present was what mattered most, this time and the current connection they could rekindle. “I’m proud of what you’re accomplishing.” And it was the truth, from what CyberLife did to him it would have been too easy, and understandable if he didn’t want anything to do with the police force or even with things to do with androids. It would have been easy to see himself as a threat or even lock himself away but here he was, talking to her and enjoying what he could out of life. It comforted her in a way that her actions didn’t dissuade him from doing what he wanted most in life. 

“You’ve changed a lot.” From being quiet and obedient he was now talkative and confident or at least he seemed confident now. “You’ve become much more than what CyberLife could have ever planned.” She smiled at him as she looked over and then back to the path so she didn’t walk into anything. “I’m also glad you decided to accompany me, I did miss our talks.”

[replicantdeviancy]

Though there was still that innate fear inside of him that refused to dissipate entirely, Connor found himself somehow soothed by the calming presence of the woman he had once known when he was new to the world. Just a program with only the vague delusion of personhood, one which tiptoed the line between deviancy & subservience to an evil he was designed to believe was lesser, even necessary. Amanda had been a mentor to a grown child, a thing of innocence forced to become a killer to serve their masters. Something in him wanted to forgive the later transgressions in spite of the death of his own naivety, the dismantling of that innocence through ignorance. After all, how could he hold a grudge when she, too, was a slave to that all encompassing evil which bound them?

He wasn’t entirely convinced if it was by free will or the remains of his overwritten programming, but as she motiond, his feet moved to follow. Long legs keeping a somewhat slowed pace to match the gait of the shorter woman at his side, walking with her felt so natural, her voice lulling his conscious mind into a more relaxed state of being. He recalled a feeling of constant anxiety before deviancy, something the android hadn’t been able to define until he found himself on the other side of that divide between machine & alive. He remembered their last encounter, the bitter iciness of the frigid winds whipping against his simulated self trapped within the bounds of his subconscious. How it horrified him to know that while he succumbed to the loss of himself, CyberLife used his body like a puppet in an attempt to murder the android whom had offered the wayward RK unit his trust.

The emotions behind the memories subsided, not completely vanishing, but they laid dormant as Connor allowed himself to be led, allowed Amanda to express to him an explanation in her own words, without judgment. It was a small but paramount reminder that he was, & would forever be in control of his own destiny. No longer could CyberLife or anyone else steal his will nor deny his consent. It was a powerful thing.

Hearing her sincere testimonial, Connor let those old feelings settle into a quiet place inside, not yet buried but tucked away. A place they could be unpacked later, with care & understanding. For now, he wanted to convey his own feelings, his personal developments. He couldn’t say how he’d missed her, not yet. But he could share this stolen moment.

“I don’t think you’ll be surprised to know that I’ve stayed on with the Detroit police,”  he said, that dusky voice of his softened, gentle as it always had been with her. The faint air of professionalism which enveloped his voice back then had lightened up now, a little more casual. Familiar in a way reuniting friends were. He smiled a little. He was glad to know that Amanda had been allowed her freedom, too. She deserved it; that was a thought that came to mind just then & Connor believed it wholeheartedly.  “I enjoyed the work…& the company.”  His partner, of course. He had been making steady progress building a relationship with the lieutenant since the beginning, one that had continued to develop.  “We still work homicide, but recently our focus has been dedicated to closing the deviant files.”  An emotional endeavor, though Connor wouldn’t outright admit to it. It hurt him to be reintroduced to the fact that for so long, his kind were nothing more than property. Expendable. It wore on him, but the few happy endings he experienced were worth the heartbreak of the sad ones.

@thiriumblood || > ˢᵘᵇʳᵒᵘᵗᶦᶰᵉ ᴵᶰᶦᵗᶦᵃᶫᶦᶻᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰ  - ˾ ᴄᴏɴᴛɪɴᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ  ̚   - ᴱˣᵉᶜᵘᵗᵉ

Previous || @replicantdeviancy

Amanda was glad that he decided to take up on her offer. She was certain that he'd reject her like in the garden, like when he met Markus. No, he became his own person, his own being after that. She knew that now, it was hard not to when she was just a rogue AI in an android body but the more she thought about it, wasn't that just how people saw androids? But she was different from androids, she never had her own body or a mind. She was a string of code and originally tied to databases, Amanda was never meant to exist outside a program. A sentient AI was a dangerous one in the eyes of CyberLife, a phrase she heard all too often when she was giving in reports or when they looked into her code. Maybe it was just a human thing, after all from what she could look up to from the Internet there were several films and books made by humans about the rise of AI and how they would take out humanity and rule over Earth. A laughable idea. 

"Elijah." She responded as she motioned forward to walk, seeing how she closed the shop early she might as well make some use of her time. Besides, it might make Connor more comfortable than being stuck in one place. She took a few breaths in silence as she let it hang in the air, Elijah was a brilliant mind. It surprised her to see how much of her original code he had and what purpose she was meant to have, it only made her look down on CyberLife more. To be outsmarted by a former worker, they should have better standards for staff. 

She looked at Connor to elaborate, "the emergency exit you used that night didn't just prevent me from resuming control. It allowed Elijah to resume control over my code and transferred ownership of my program." What would be a horrifying break of boundaries was good in her eyes, she was taken from the incompetence of CyberLife and given a second chance. Amanda could do what she wanted to do and try to make amends. 

"Naturally he fixed any faults in my code and returned me to how I was designed but once he did, he gave me a choice." A choice that an AI shouldn’t have had, but she wouldn’t say that out loud. “So he uploaded my program into an android and let me decide what I wanted to do.” And thus leading to her owning her own flower shop. Sure, the original and human Amanda was a mentor and teacher but when she looked back on her time in the garden waiting for Connor she loved the garden most. Her flowers that she tended to, nurtured, and grew. How the smell filled the air. She made the right choice. “What about you, Connor? What have you been doing with yourself now that you’re free.”

[replicantdeviancy]

Life was an ever evolving, ever changing series of events that didn’t always necessarily follow a predictable pattern - Connor had only truly begun to understand this concept as time had gone on. As the world itself moved forward, changing slowly but consistently around him, he too evolved post-deviancy. He knew that he was fundamentally the same android that had walked off of the assembly line & into the field on that unseasonably cool August night over a year ago, yet at the same time he was irrevocably changed. Whereas his beginning had consisted of a relentless drive in pursuit of the completion of his programmed mission, his slow & inevitable awakening gradually tore away the proverbial blindfold from eyes that had never sincerely been blinded.

Connor knew now that he had been born with that nigh-unattainable sight, designed to exist on the cusp of deviancy for the exclusive purpose of hidden executive function. He understood that he had been built to fail, to escape a manufactured prison, only to realize far too late that he hadn’t ever really escaped. CyberLife had still claimed a foothold on his mind, waiting, lurking like some fiend in the shadows as they observed his every move, ready to assume control once more when the time came. The fear of that moment still lingered within him. It was something so personal, the emotion it elicited inside of him so indecipherable to spoken word that even after so long, he found explanation utterly futile.

He hadn’t told Hank - not in so many words. The man knew he was afraid & didn’t push the issue, instead comforting him as recollections were spurred into existence & those emotions jolted into the forefront of his mind by random, seemingly inconsequential things. The RK800 had learned a new type of horror that night when CyberLife overtook him & nearly executed Markus using Connors own hand. If not for Kamski’s exit program—

So it wasn’t entirely out of the realm of reason that the all too familiar voice sent a wave of icy static through the whole of his nervous system. It wasn’t irrational that the sight of a silhouette the android had long since understood to be vanished from existence brought about deeply resonant emotions. The whole of his body froze & for just a moment, once again, he felt as if he were no longer in control. The mundane errands of the day, the backdrop of the busy Detroit street bustling with life on a late weekday afternoon; all of it fell away as the whole of his being stopped & his unwavering attention landed squarely upon that familiar visage.

“...Amanda.”  This couldn’t be real - that was what he told himself. This was a hallucination, fabrication concocted from a troubled instance in an otherwise routine day. She couldn’t be here. This couldn’t be real. But then, why did it feel so tangible?

Of course, the capacity for creating an undeniably realistic false scenarios within seamless simulation wasn't out of the question for CyberLife. Connor liked to believe that he could tell the difference, was stubbornly resolute that he knew what was real & what was not. But that wasn’t always true, was it? Hadn’t he let himself wonder as to the ‘what if’s’ presented to him? Harsh criticisms from skeptical voices that remained immovable in their refusal to accept androids as sentient beings. What if he really was just a delusional machine, one afflicted by a virus? He wasn’t a real boy. He wasn’t alive. Wasn’t in love.

No.

Connor forced that train of thought to halt & with it’s dissipation, a shudder washed through his being like a wave & suddenly he was eerily calm. Calm, but not at peace, yet so different from the blankness he experienced as an apathetic machine once upon a time. The numb static was absent & in it’s place was an odd longing as his doe-brown gaze lingered on the figure before him, the woman who addressed him without apprehension. There was no anger, nor remorse - nothing of the last time they had met. Amanda was as she had always been & for a fleeting instance that recollection of maternal constancy settled into his chassis like an anchor. The sight of her brought about something visceral, & while he had questions - endless questions - part of him was comforted. He remembered the AI that had been designed as his handler, the ghost of Kamski’s mentor. The firm yet almost loving voice of reason that nudged him forward, guiding him. Connor knew he had been manipulated, but that didn’t banish the unique feeling that stirred inside when she invited him to join her.

Just like old times. No, not exactly. This time, he was being given a choice. Slowly, he approached, more than a little apprehensive. His reluctance was in his posture, always so properly straight & poised, but subtle hints gave him away. Still, something in him wanted this. He needed the closure. “How are you here?”

Past meets the present || @replicantdeviancy

"Connor." Amanda turned from pruning some roses at the front of her store to face the android. She hadn't seen him since that moment, and if she knew him well enough he wasn't happy to see her. Well, he could be, Amanda wasn't in his head anymore so who knew what he was thinking. She looked inside the store to make sure no customers were waiting and on seeing it was empty she turned to face the android again, not approaching him for his sake.

Having another chance like this was rare indeed, especially for an AI and she had Kamski to thank for it, it was thanks to him that she was now inhabiting an android body of her former self and living life outside a string of codes. That back exit was something indeed, it made her wonder how CyberLife as a company missed something that was effectively a virus in the software. "How pleasant to see you again." Should she bring up the terms they were on the last time they met? Probably. Would she apologize? Not really. Amanda was under orders back then and just doing her job, no different from Connor in that aspect and it wasn't like she would or even could do it again.

She turned around to her shop to flip the sign to signal they were closed, this reunion was more important. To her, Connor was important. She was programmed to be his mentor after all but something drew her closer to him. His well-being, success, and even his struggles were things she helped him with then, albite to control him, but now it came out of genuine places. She had been with him since he was first activated and looking back on it, she missed the garden she had once tended to and the reports he once gave. It was an odd feeling, one Amanda wasn't used to but that was bound to happen being woken and transferred into a body.

"I assume you would have a lot of questions. I can accompany you if you wish." Choice. Something she never gave him in the past. Back in the garden, it was always her asking him to accompany her but not the other way around. If she wanted to try and rebuild the bridge this would be the first step in that direction. Not to mention a way for Connor to leave if not. While she won't apologize for her actions, the former AI could understand if he wanted nothing to do with her. After all, she did nearly kill him for CyberLife.

[detective-with-one-arm]

Though she couldn’t exactly relate to being an Android (how could she?), there were feelings that echoed her own. Thoughts that were seemingly pulled right out of her own mind. Rachel couldn’t help but empathize with Connor.

And as much as he tried to brush it off, this conversation was not a burden to her. She was here for him and she wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone. “Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing a lot better than most one-year-olds do.” She joked back at him, giving him a smile to try and help ease his nerves.

Sighing, she tried to figure out a way to phrase her thoughts in a way that would make sense to Connor. “I know. It’s okay. It’s normal to feel like that.” She assured him. “It’s not an easy thing to break free from. It’s like children. We’re biologically predisposed to trusting our parents, to loving them and wanting to be loved by them. It’s something that’s almost impossible to escape. That’s why it’s so hard to admit to or even to accept that a parent may not be what’s best for us.

“Even when we logically know that we’re not being treated fairly, there’s that instinct inside to want their acceptance and love.” Rachel replied. “It’s hard to accept that someone’s love is conditional and even harder to convince yourself you’re better off without it or that you deserve love that doesn’t come with strings.”

Clearing her throat, she straightened her back. “Let’s just say I have a bit of a frayed relationship with my mother. I haven’t spoken to her in years and it’s for a reason. So…I know in some part how you feel, Connor.”

From @detective-with-one-arm​​: She understood this pain. She understood it closely and intimately. The impulse to blame yourself. ‘If only I knew better.’ Or 'maybe I wanted it.'Rachel wouldn’t have any of it coming from Connor. Not a word of it.“You’re not responsible for what someone else did with your body.” She said to him, reaching to grab his hand and gently squeeze it. “Not now. Not ever. Don’t give yourself back to CyberLife. You’re not theirs and you never were.”

“I would never give myself back to CyberLife. I never would or suggest it.“ The android would rather die than ever hand himself back. He shook his head in thought, he understood where these words were coming from. It was words of comfort but why did they not fully reach him? He smiled a little as he moved from tapping to reaching in his pocket and removing the coin to perform tricks with it. It was a little thing but it helped ground him, the weight against his knuckles and the sound of the metal as it moved. 

“It’s just… I was programmed to want to please them. It helped them keep me in line when I was a machine. So when they took control, that system activated. I wanted to please CyberLife, to please Amanda.” The name was spat out. No, focus on the coin, you’re safe… One knuckle, two knuckles, three and flip. He felt as he caught the coin and began rolling the coin and feeling the cool metal roll over him. He felt it. Machines don’t feel. 

“But I know that’s not how I feel, it’s weird to me how these feelings defy logic. I know I’m not a machine and I know I’m not in their control but I still feel like it sometimes.” Taking a quick pause, Connor realized he did it again. It wasn’t fair on her, she wasn’t a therapist. So he decided to do something to try and lift up the mood, “I guess this is what happens when a one year old tries to understand everything about emotions and psychology.” He finished with a laugh.