#i swear the dialogue in this show is the best i have ever seen

[petersnya]

Blue jeans | Benny Cross

Pairing. Benny Cross x afab!reader

Prompt. ‘Told you when we met what you were in for.’

Warnings. Slight spoilers if you haven’t seen the movie yet!, angst (like a lot) cause that mane Benny needs a hug fr, language (cussing), one mention of character death, smoking cigarettes anddddd I think that’s it

Note. Tried to write the dialogue the best way I could to go along with the movie and how they talk in Chicago but I most likely didn’t do as well as I think I did cause I’m from Mississippi (yeah country asf living in the southern belt) and sometimes you can see it in my writing lmao. Got the inspo to write this form the song blue jeans cause it’s LITERALLY about him you can’t tell me otherwise. Also, Kathy is the star of this movie I swear. Anywho enjoy 😇

Wc. 3.2k+ (gah damn)

None of this was your speed. The grown men crowded around the bar from the front doors to the back wall, all huddled into groups like they were planning something. Earrings hanging out some of their ears while others had their belly buttons showing - the coils of chest hair damp with sweat as visible as ever, but it was obvious that they couldn’t care less. From the moment you opened the door, clouds of cigarette smoke that outweighed the amount of oxygen there was puffed into your face. It swirled around so much that you could see it in the air. And the way they spoke - you couldn’t believe your ears. It was all ‘F’ this and ‘F’ that so much that it could drive a person up the wall or make their ears bleed. 

Oh, these guys were animals. But they all had one thing in common— the jacket they wore. 

Walking in, you kept your head down as you shoved past all the bozos that made it almost impossible to get to the table your aunt was waving you over from, so you didn’t get a good look at them. You didn’t want to get a good look at them; by first glance, you’d seen enough. 

It was obvious that you didn’t fit in with a single person in that bar. Hands gripped at your hips as you passed through the crowd - a blatant look of almost disgust and fear on your face. When you sat down, a shaky breath escaped your lips as you scanned the bar, wide eyed, like a deer in headlights. You could hear your aunt telling you to calm down— that these guys just wanted to have a little fun.

No matter how bad you didn’t want to stare, you couldn’t help it. Gaze locked on the back of one of the guys' jackets, you could see the patches that littered it with all kinds of words and symbols; but on the back, there was a skull with big white letters above it—

“Vandals— the hell you got me in here with these guys for?” you said in a low voice like you were afraid one of them might hear you.

“Whatever, niece, these guys ain’t all that bad.”

“I don’t even know what a Vandal is,” the look on her face told you that she didn’t either. Of course you knew about these ‘motorcycle clubs’ that keep popping up all over the midwest, but you never put a second thought to it. They were a bunch of guys that had too much time on their hands— with that time, they sat around and talked about bikes all day while getting stoned and drunk. 

It was obvious that they were, in fact, one of these clubs. The moment you pulled up to the bar, there were rows upon rows of motorcycles out front. That sight alone made you get back in your car and contemplate driving off. You didn't want anything to do with any club, that's why you had been so alert since you got there. Eyes darting around to try and keep an eye on all of the men that were in your view.

“And that's exactly what your problem is, niece, you're such a square.”

“I’m not a square… I’m just not stupid.” An audible scoff came from her at your words. You could see her get up from the table out of the corner of your eye as you continued to look around the bar. She’d said something about getting a drink before she left, but you couldn’t focus on her right then - too busy trying to hear what the group of guys huddled near your table were plotting. They had to have been plotting something, cause who just gets in a huddle with their arms around each other to ‘talk’? People who plot shit.

After waiting a little while for your aunt to return, you couldn’t take it anymore. Lord knows you didn't want to be in this place any way, let alone by yourself. You stood from your seat and tried to look around people who were in your way to see if you could see where she had gone. But you didn’t.

Letting out a heavy sigh, you sat back in your chair reluctantly with a scowl on your face. Arms folded across your chest, you tried to look as unapproachable as possible to everyone who passed by your table.

“What’s with the look?”

A deep, almost gravely voice came from beside you - where your aunt had been sitting before. It should have scared you, but it was soothing to hear. You turned towards the voice to be met with a tall, lean yet muscular man who stood before you. A few tattoos littered his arms from what the sleeveless shirt allowed you to see. Two chunky-ish rings blinged in the dim lighting above the table. His dirty blonde hair matches the bit of stubble on his face.

Staring, wide eyed at him, you couldn’t bring yourself to speak— or to blink. You had never seen a man like this a day in your life. He didn’t look like the rest of those animals in this bar. Hell, he looked better than any man outside this bar.

Swinging a chair around towards you, he sat close enough to where you could feel his breath fan against your face. The look in his eyes was amusing and expecting as he waited for you to answer his question. But you couldn’t. You just stared at him.

From the moment you saw him, in the best way possible— he made your eyes burn.

He chuckled lightly before licking his lips, resting his chin on his forearms. “I’m Benny.”

“Hi…” You said breathlessly. That same slick smile on his lips, he stood from his chair wordlessly, running his hand along the back of yours before walking away.

-

Your arms folded across your chest tightly as you waited to cross the street right outside the bar to get to your car. There were no other cars coming, but you were still waiting for the ‘walk’ signal. Crisp air blew harshly against your ears to the point where they hurt— but that was the last of your thoughts. Every other thought in your mind was clouded or disappeared. All of them were taken over by the thought of him. Of Benny.

He was unlike anything you’d ever seen. His image burned into your head: the black, sleeveless shirt that showed off his tattooed arms. Dark washed blue jeans. Blue eyes that looked as if they had everything to hide. Bruised hands that had two large rings, but his hands made them look small. Stubbled face. It was like James Dean. Everything about him was the opposite of you— a match made in heaven.

The bar door opened behind you, making you look over your shoulder. Benny walked out of the bar, hand digging out a cigarette and a lighter. You watched, unable to look away as he placed the cigarette between his lips, cupping his hand around it so the wind wouldn’t blow out the fire from the lighter. He stuffed the lighter into his Vandals jacket pocket, swinging his leg over his bike before kicking it as hard as he could. The engine roared loudly that it sounded like it would break down any minute. The sound of it made you jump, pulling you back to reality.

A blinking light flashed, telling you that you could walk across the street - but you stood there - arms still folded, eyes burning from your stare, lips chapped from the air.

Benny twisted the handle of his bike, looking over his shoulder at you wordlessly. Taking a long pull before blowing the smoke out slowly. The sight made your head fuzzy, it was beautiful.

The bar doors opened again and people came rushing out. Your heart skipped a beat at the sudden yelling and chanting. You had no clue what the hell they were on about, but when you looked back at Benny, you could see him scoot forward on his bike while looking at you with a crooked smile. Your steps were slow as you approached his bike, eventually reaching it and placing your hands on his shoulders gently.

Swinging your leg over and settling on the seat, you could feel Bennys hand cup around the back of your knee, moving you closer to him before he kicked at the bike again and took off through the red light.

Your cheek pressed against his shoulder, arms wrapped around his waist tightly. As many stop lights as he's run from the time you got onto that bike-- you should be terrified for your life. Your eyes shut tightly each time he sped between cars. Each time, you gripped onto him harder.

His same laugh from earlier reached your ears. “I got you. Don’t worry, dove, okay?”

Nodding against his shoulder, you opened your eyes to see that you were approaching the highway. A smile spread onto your lips softly at the sight of the open road. No one else in sight for miles.

Just you and Benny.

-

“Benny, where are you going?” Your voice was soft, words slightly mumbled from you biting nervously at your thumbnail as you watched Benny from the doorway, pulling on his Vandals jacket hurriedly.

“Gotta go meet Johnny.” His words were almost dismissive as he picked up his bike keys, shoving them in his pocket with his cigarettes. Of course. You knew that the club was Bennys family… Johnny was like his father. But the club isn't the same anymore. It’s not how it was when you met Benny. So much had changed in a year. You married Benny within weeks of meeting him. You became a part of his life— his riding, his loyalty to the club, his hospital visits, his fights, his lawyers and jail cells.

He moved in with you and everything you knew changed. It wasn’t that you didn’t want Benny in your house or a part of your life. You loved him with everything in you. Any time the phone would ring, your heart stopped, thinking something had happened to Benny… again. But now, you couldn’t imagine your life without him. He was all you cared for. But this fucking club.

You couldn't take it anymore.

It wasn’t so bad at first. Sure, you had to get used to the drinking and smoking and Benny being out till 4 in the morning almost every. Single. Night. But the club was like a second family now. Until Brucie died.

Benny didn’t seem to be phased by any of it though. Brucies death, the drug deals being ran all the way from Canada, the new members who challenged Johnny everyday of his life. Of course, you knew Benny was seeing what you were seeing. But he still stayed with the club. Even after all the messed up shit that had been happening that made you tell him that it was getting out of hand— he still defended it.

“Meet Johnny for what..?” your words were hesitant as you took a step into the door, eyes scanning over Benny. He avoided your gaze, something he's been doing a lot recently. Since you had met Benny, he always stares into your eyes as if he were searching them. He didn’t do that anymore.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it. I'll be back later tonight.”

“Benny.” You said his name. Louder this time. His Blue eyes reluctantly trailed up to yours, brows raising once to show you that he was listening. Shrugging your shoulders, you shook your head slowly. You couldn’t find the words you wanted to say. You wanted to say so fucking much. You were sick of this life— sick of worrying about where he is, if he's gotten caught up in something that you didn’t know how to get him out of.

He said your name in an almost hushed voice, gaining your attention.

Taking a shaky breath, your wide, tired eyes found him. “I don’t know how much more of this you can take, Benny.” He dropped his head, shaking it as a dry chuckle escaped his lips. “The hell are you goin’ on about, dove.”

Bennys’ voice always had so much power over you. His words and the way he used them had so much more. The way he called you dove. In the early days of the two of you, Benny told you that he called you dove cause you were too pure for him. Too different— perfect, almost. He said that you could fly away from him at any given moment, but you never did. That meant the world to him. Your loyalty to him reminded him of why he loved you so much: you’d never go anywhere, no matter what he did. No matter what happened.

“You’re gonna sit here and tell me what I can and can’t take?” He said as he propped himself up against the dresser behind him.

“No, Benny, that's not what I’m sayin’.” You stepped closer to him, arms still folded across your chest. “I’m sayin’... I can’t handle worrying about you every second of every day. I worry even when you're next to me cause everytime I look at you, I see how drained you look. I don’t like seeing that when I look at you— it hurts me”

Benny lifted his head to look into your eyes. Your eyes searched his relentlessly, trying to find something in them— but it was the same as it was when you met him. Like he was hiding the world behind those pretty blue eyes. “I’ll leave then.”

“What?” Your face dropped as your arms fell slack at your side. “Don’t do this right now.” Benny had a bad habit of every single time something went wrong, and you came to him with a pained look on your face, he would tell you that he would just leave so that you didn’t have to worry about him anymore. He said it so much that it made you think he just said it so that you would beg him not to. Of course, Benny would never be that cruel to you. He never said things to just hurt you. He meant what he said, the only reason he never followed through was because he would think of you.

“Then don’t- don’t come to me with this again. We’ve talked about this before.”

“Well, we need to talk about it again. I don’t want you in the club no more, and I mean that.” You had never been so direct with your request as you were being right now, always afraid of what he would say. Afraid he would choose the club over you.

“Don’t ask me that…” His voice was cold, but you could hear the bit of pain in his words. “You know I can’t do that.”

“Do you not remember how we were before the club started changing? Don’t you remember the night we met?” Tears pricked in the corners of your eyes as you stood close to him now. Before the Vandals went to shit, you and Benny seemed perfect. To everyone on the outside, they would say that your relationship was far from it, but you didn’t think that. You would go with Benny to every meeting, every ride, every picnic. You would lay on his chest and sit in complete silence while you watched whatever was on TV. He would take you for rides at all hours of the night. Speeding past every stop sign in sight as he whispered to you to hold onto him tight. To never let him go. When things began to get bad, but not as out of control as it was now, Benny tried to tell you that he wasn't good for you anymore; but it was too late now. You were too in love with him.

“I barely get to see you now. You go out every night doing God knows what with them, and you don't show up until the next night. But it didn’t matter to me cause I told you that no matter what, I'll be by your side.” The tears that you held onto for dear life eventually fell, rolling down your cheeks as you brought your hand to his face. You gently tilted his head to look at you— fingers rubbing his cheeks with all the care in the world. “I love you more than any of them ever could, Benny. I want a life with you, and we can't have that if you keep up with them.”

His eyes found yours as he silently looked at you. Bennys’ lip twitched so slightly that it almost went unnoticed. Bringing his thumb to your cheek, he wiped away a fresh tear that was falling from your eye at that very moment.

“Told you when we met what you were in for.”

His words cut you more than any knife could. Kissing your finger that was closest to his lips, he wrapped his hands around your wrist, he pulled them from his face gently. He stood fully, causing you to back away, looking at him with wide eyes and furrowed brows. You were scared. “Benny? Benny, what are you doing?” You said urgently.

He walked out of the room and down the small hallway, towards the front door. “I’ll be back, dove, I promise.”

“No- No, Benny! Benny, don’t you walk out that door—“ Your voice broke with sobs as you followed behind him, tugging at his shoulders and arms desperately. He could leave. You couldn’t let him leave. It didn’t matter if he said he’d be back-- that could be days later. Weeks, maybe months. You didn’t even want to think of the possibility of years. “Please, please don’t leave… I swear Benny if you walk out that door.”

He paused for a moment, standing in the open doorway. You stood behind him, close enough to where he could hear you choking back your cries. Benny hated himself for making you worry so much. He hated himself for making you cry. You were his girl, his wife, his dove. He never wanted to hurt you.

Wordlessly, he stepped out of the door, slamming it behind him before quickly going down the steps of your front porch. Getting out the keys for his bike, he sat on the tearing leather seat quickly as he kicked at it when the key was in the ignition. He sped down the road, through all the stop signs.

You wanted to scream after him, but you didn’t. Instead, you locked the door and rested your forehead against it as it pounded from your sobs. No matter how many times Benny leaves, how many times you cry over him or for him, your feelings for him will never change. You would always wait for him to come back to you.

Your loyalty belongs to him. Your love belongs to him. You belong to him.

[windybreeze12]

DBD Quotes that are my Roman Empire (and my reactions to them)

No version of this where I don't come get you - Charles S1 E7 (SIR???? IM SORRY??? If someone said that to me, i'd faint. Edwin is a strong one) .

Do you think it must be torture? Being the way we are? - Simon S1 E7 (I swear you could audibly hear my heart break when he said that) .

Teethface, what the fuck? - Esther S1 E6 (I love her. She's an awful person and is literally irredeemable but dammit she does her shit with style and sass and i love her) .

He did not feel the same way. But I think we are better friends because of it - Edwin S1 E8 (THEM. JUST THEM. I CANT WITH THEM.) .

You, Charles Rowland, are the best person I know - Edwin S1 E5 (It's like they want me to go throw myself off a cliff their friendship is everything to me) .

And we've got literally forever to figure out what the rest means - Charles S1 E7 (Charles is raising the bar too high i fear. the standards are through the roof) .

When you punish yourself, everywhere becomes hell - Edwin S1 E7 (*starts sobbing in the corner*) .

Imagine thinking there was only one way to do any one thing. How difficult would life be? - Kashi S1 E6 (I swear Kashi walked into this show to spit straight facts and then was never seen again. Icon.) .

We didn’t matter, he and I - Edwin S1 E1 (No because the way I swore to myself that I would protect these boys with my life the minute he said this) .

I will always hit a demon with a cricket bat for you - Charles S1 E6 (Fellas, never settle for anything less than Charles Rowland) .

I wasn't talking about you - Edwin S1 E5 (I'm not even kidding I paused the show, got up and had to take a minute because OOF Monty darling) .

As more than a friend, I’m afraid. Charles, I'm in love with you - Edwin S1 E7 (No joke this is one of the best scenes in a show I have ever watched. The acting, the dialogue, the pacing, the emotion??? UGH!!! Perfection) .

I certainly hope not, that story ends tragically - Edwin S1 E7 (There are already a million and one posts about the implications of Charles referencing Orpheus' story so go check those out but holy hell the way it made my heart twist) .

I could- we could lose Charles - Edwin S1 E3 (This was such a tiny detail but GOD I replayed it ten times before moving on) .

Honestly I just find her so charming - Edwin S1 E2 (I knew from this moment that Edwin and Niko were going to be a pair to watch. And boy was I right) .

That was my third life you bitch—i only get nine; would you fuck off - The Cat King S1 E8 (now THIS is how you creatively use a cat's nine lives in media I love it I freaking love it) .

You sacrificed me to a demon who traded me to another demon who traded me to a thing that is worse than a demon and this is your punishment! An eternity of papercuts! - Edwin S1 E7 (Honey I have an eternity of questions cause what the FUCK is this human trafficking system down in hell??? but also go off king??? 😭)

I'll update this whenever I remember anymore. Tell me more quotes in reblogs/replies i'll add them into this!

[lees-chaotic-brain]

So happy for your 300 followers! For your event, can I please request Nanami. The song is Mine by The Chainsmokers. Genre, maybe keep it cute and fluffy, domestic romance?

WC: 4.1k (holy shit i have no idea how that happened)

CW: reader is called a girl once, angst to fluff, lovers to strangers to lovers, marriage proposal, a ton of sappy dialogue, light swearing, if the readers emotions make no sense because they're all over the place it's because reader is me coded (as always lmao)

a/n: hi vee tysm!!! this somehow became not very cute and fluffy, but i hope the ending makes up for it :') special shout out to @not-enough-homestuck-upinthis @hcdwigs @valentiraa + @yeshnn for help with headcannons for teenage nanami!!!

listen to this while reading

Event Guide | Event Masterlist | JJK Masterlist | Blog Navigation

You had known Nanami since before your days at Jujutsu Tech, your friendship spanning all the way back to middle school when you moved in next door. In high school, the two of you dated, falling deeply in love only for your relationship to end suddenly with the death of Haibara.

One day you were dating your best friend who you knew better than you knew yourself. You knew that he was a bit of a dork who had My Chemical Romance paraphernalia hidden around his room.

You knew that he was shy, and that he placed so much importance on doing the right thing. You knew that when he was thirteen he wanted to learn to play the stylophone and electric guitar so he could start his own band. That he unironically spoke in an old fashioned manner for a few months because he wanted to be “proper.” 

You knew that he always brought extra pens in case you forgot yours; his favorite type of bread, and why he loved it so much. You knew that blue was his favorite color because it reminded him of the ocean, that he wanted to go to Malaysia so he can experience true peace without the chaos of the jujutsu world around him.

You knew everything about him, from the bigger aspects to the small quirks that made him him, then you didn’t. After Haibara’s death the boy you knew and loved just…disappeared. He withdrew into himself, stopped talking to you, didn’t show up for your date, unresponsive when you reached out to him. Then after graduation, he just left. He didn’t break up with you, didn’t even say goodbye. He left a note informing you that he was leaving the jujutsu world, and that was it. 

So when you bumped into him outside the gates of Jujutsu Tech, to say you were surprised was an understatement. Honestly, you had given up hope of meeting him again a long time ago, resigning yourself to remain in this weird limbo where you had no closure but no means of getting it either.

But there he was, completely different from the man you used to know. The lankiness of his teenage day had long been outgrown, replaced instead with sheer muscle and power. His long hair had been cut neatly into a practical style that was low maintenance and kept it out of his face. His shyness had morphed into reserved stoicism.

Locking eyes with him, the two of you stared in silence for some time, neither sure where to even begin speaking. All you knew was you felt like you were looking at a stranger. Not the boy you had once loved.

I look at you and you look at me Like nothing but strangers now

Despite both of you being so different, falling back in love with Nanami Kento was so simple, like slipping into the familiar warmth of a well used hoodie, because you had never truly fallen out of love with him. 

It had only been weeks since you had seen him again outside of the school gates, but you were already back to the way you had been a decade ago; young and in love. It was like nothing had ever happened. Like the past ten years never happened.

The two of you left work together every night and walked over to the food stall you visited every day in high school for dinner. You checked in on each other before and after missions, made sure the other was drinking enough water and taking care of themselves. It wasn’t until Shoko pulled you aside and mentioned it that you realized you had never actually addressed the slight awkwardness in your relationship due to his leaving.

And maybe it was stupid, or selfish, but you didn’t want to talk about it with him. You had missed him so much you just wanted to enjoy spending time with him now that he was back. Your hearts seemed to be the same as they were then, young and burning with the force of your love, so why would you do anything that could potentially jeopardize that? Was it really so bad that you didn’t want to risk extinguishing the passion that seemed to still exist?

Two kids with their hearts on fire Don't let it burn us out

Eventually you realized how much you needed to have the conversation with him. You couldn’t pretend that nothing had happened. For the last ten years you had lived in a weird existence in which he hadn’t broken up with you, so you were technically still together, but he had abandoned you without even a proper goodbye.

Now he was back and the two of you had fallen back into your old relationship without addressing the massive elephant in the room. Up until now you had convinced yourself that you were fine with that, the only thing that mattered was that he had returned. But as the weeks went by you began to realize that you were lying to yourself.

Of course you weren’t okay with what happened. You were angry. You wanted answers. How dare he just disappear one day, then waltz back into your life one random day almost a decade later?! Amping yourself up, you gather the courage to bring up the topic you had spent so much time and energy avoiding.

Which brought you to your current predicament, sitting across from him as you ate dinner together, hyping yourself up for the conversation ahead of you. Clearing your throat awkwardly, you got his attention, setting your chopsticks down in your bowl.

“Listen, I know we’ve both been trying to avoid this conversation, but I’ve been thinking about it lately and I realized some things.” He looks at you intently, something strange crossing his expression before disappearing. Taking his attention as agreement, you take a shaky breath then continue. You can do this. Just like you practiced in your head. Easy as pie.

“I’m not okay with this!” All prior thinking and planning goes flying out the window as the words burst from you, and once the dam broke there was no going back, the words flowing from your mouth as irreversible as a floodgate breaking.

“I’m really not okay with this. I mean, I don’t even know you now! I can’t keep doing this. I can’t allow you to waltz back into my life and my heart when I don’t even  know why you returned! Or even why you left! You said you came back because of your morals. That you couldn’t live with yourself if you sat by as innocent people suffered. But if that’s the only reason you returned, and I’m only a side perk that comes with being part of the jujutsu world, I'm not going to be part of your life at all.”

You take a moment to catch your breath, feeling like a weight has been lifted off your chest as you lay down your ultimatum. You were nearly giddy, woozy with relief. It was up to him now, and what he said next. You didn’t have to worry about this any longer. It was all up to him.

“So. Tell me. Do you need me in your life? Am I important? Or am I going to walk out of here tonight and never see you again?”

Think about what you believe in now Am I someone you cannot live without?

In the aftermath of the line you drew in the sand, a boundary you constructed to protect yourself, you find yourself holding your breath. As liberating as it felt to pass the burden onto him, your fears only intensified because it was truly up to him now. 

As much as you talk the big talk, you’re not sure how you’re going to survive if he tells you he doesn’t need you. Because even after ten years, you still don’t know how to live without him. And you really don’t want to learn now.

'Cause I know I don't wanna live without you, yeah

He sat perfectly still for a moment, and you waited for his reaction, your inability to see past his stoic mask just another reminder of everything the two of you had lost. Awkward silence permeates the air, coiling its oily tentacles around your throat and making it hard to breathe. 

You can’t do this. You have to get out of here. Screw standing up for yourself and protecting your heart. You’re not brave enough to sit here and look him in the face as he tells you he doesn’t need you. 

Just as you go to push your chair back and flee, his voice cuts through your panic, its familiar warmth pulling you out of your panic. “I’m sorry.”

Bring it all back to the bar downtown When you wouldn’t let me walk out on you, yeah

You almost break your neck with how fast you meet his eyes, stunned as you notice him fidgeting with the edge of his napkin. You had forgotten that he did that when he was anxious or uncomfortable. Suddenly anger bubbles in your gut, and you explode, unable to hold back any longer.

“What does that even mean at this point?!” Your voice is sharper than you intended, and you see him flinch slightly. “You walked out on me! You disappeared! You didn’t even say goodbye. Nanami I-”

“Kento.” He interrupts you, looking at you oddly. Was he…hurt? You make a vague sound of confusion, too distracted by the pain and guilt in his eyes to formulate a proper response. 

“That’s my name. Kento. I’ve put up with you using my family name these past few weeks, but I can’t tolerate it any longer. To you I am Kento. Never Nanami.” 

Slight vulnerability shines in his eyes, the first real emotion he’s let you see all night. But you can’t bring yourself to care, too caught up in your own anger and rage. “You know what, Nanami?” You place emphasis on his family name, not caring how petty it was. 

“I only call people I’m close to and know well by their first names. And unfortunately for you, I no longer consider you someone I’m close to. You’re a stranger to me now. I don’t know why I’ve been pretending otherwise these past few weeks.”

Sighing, you lower your voice, suddenly exhausted. “Yeah…I have no idea why I’ve been pretending you’re anything more than somebody I used to know. Please, let’s just forget these last couple weeks and go back to the way things were before, each of us leading separate lives.”

You grab your purse and take out your wallet, hoping to pay the bill and get out of there as soon as possible. You went into this night a mess of emotions, willing to let bygones be bygones as long as he told you he still cared. Only for you to realize that you weren’t okay with that, and he’s hurt you too badly for your relationship to recover.

 In the wake of your rapid emotional development, you’re left feeling dull and empty, which probably accounts for why you didn’t realize he was even speaking to you until he reached out across the table and grabbed your wrist.

Distantly you hear him saying your name, but you’re so out of it you don’t look up until he stands and rounds the table, dropping to one knee in front of you as he gently tilts your chin up and takes your hands.

Nanami Kento, all crisp ironed lines and strict discipline, knelt on the ground before you, dirtying the knees of his pristine slacks as he grovels. People around you are staring, and while some distant part of your brain is embarrassed, the vast majority of it is occupied by the feel of his hands holding yours.

You hated yourself. You hated your traitorous hands for seeking the warmth of his, your stomach for filling with butterflies against your heart. You hated your heart and mouth for staging a mutiny against all common sense, hardly believing the words that left your lips.

“I’m sorry.” You blink down at him. “I missed all of that. Do you want to go somewhere quieter to talk?”

Unfettered relief filled his face and within seconds he was flagging down the server and paying the bill, not even allowing you to open your purse. He zipped you up into your coat, making sure  he had all of your belongings and was ushering you out of the restaurant in two minutes flat, as if he was convinced that if he gave you any longer you would change your mind.

Which he wasn’t entirely wrong about. You were already feeling your apprehensiveness creeping back in. Who in their right mind would consider taking someone back just because they knelt on the ground and took your hands. Apparently you, although you didn’t feel like you were in your right mind at the moment (you never were when he was involved).

The two of you loitered awkwardly on the sidewalk, neither of you sure where to go before you finally mustered up your courage and spoke. “There’s a bench in a park around here that I like to go sit on a lot. And it’s fairly secluded, although I doubt many people will be in the park at this time of night.” He just nodded, and the two of you set off for the proposed destination, you leading the way.

Which is how you found yourself perched next to him on your bench, the quiet practically screaming at you. Say something!!! You screeched telepathically at him, hoping he got the message. Please don’t make me regret this. Prove to me that I’m not an idiot for giving you this chance. Please just-

“Listen I-” He cleared his throat, cutting off your attempts at sending him your thoughts. “I know that what I did was unforgivable, and I will spend the rest of my life regretting the hurt I caused you by leaving.”

His shoulders drooped, and you could practically feel the remorse emanating off of him. “Trust me. If there was any way I could go back and time and punch myself in the face I would. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to change my poor decisions.”

“But you can’t.”

“I know that.”

“Can you at least tell me why you did it?” Your voice cracks slightly, and he graciously ignores it. “Can you at least tell me what was going through your mind? What led you to abandoning me without a word? You say you loved me, but if you did, why did you leave?”

“I left because I loved you.” His deep voice is full of regret, and you pause, incredulous. “Kento, that makes no sense.”

“I know that.” He takes a deep breath and holds it for a second before letting it out in a great whoosh of air. “After Haibara died, I realized how powerless I truly was. I was right there, yet I couldn’t save my best friend. Hell, I could barely save myself. The only reason I made it out alive was because reinforcements arrived.”

The desolation in his voice hurt you, so against your better judgment you reached out and took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He squeezed back, and continued, this time with tears hanging on his water line.

“And if I can’t trust myself to keep myself safe how can I trust myself to keep you safe? And you-you’re just  better than me. You’re braver and stronger. I knew that no matter what I said you wouldn’t leave the jujutsu world because you weren’t a coward like me. So I convinced myself that the best option was for me to leave.”

“Kento I-” You start speaking, suddenly flooded with guilt. You had had no idea he was struggling that much. But he simply squeezes your hand and gives you a look that asks you to allow him to continue, so you shut your mouth.

“I thought I wouldn’t be able to survive losing you. That I wouldn’t be able to live knowing that every time you left I might never see you again. And since I wasn’t strong enough to protect you, I decided I needed to leave the jujutsu world. At least then there was a chance you would leave the jujutsu world to follow me. And if  you didn’t, you could be with someone who wasn’t such a selfish coward. Someone who deserves you.”

At this point he was crying, and you were too. Your anger fades away, and in its place comes sorrow and…relief. Sorrow for all the years you lost, but relief because he didn’t leave because he stopped loving you. Relief because he still loved you even after all these years, he hadn’t stopped loving you once.

“Hey.” You brush his tears away, your own tears spilling down your cheeks. “You’re a dumbass, you know that?”

“I know. I spent every day for the last ten years regretting the decision I made. I’m so sorry that it took me so long to work up the courage to come back to you. But I need you to hear this.” His face grew serious, and he held your face in his warm palms as he looked at you intently.

“I will stay in your life as long as you permit me to, and spend that time repairing the damage I have inflicted. If that is only a week, then that will be the most cherished week of my life. If it is only a month, then I will use every second of it. And if it is the rest of your life, then I will spend the rest of mine loving you.”

He paused, cheeks reddening slightly. “The latter would be my preference. As long as what you plan to do with your life has space for me, I will occupy it gladly. I do not care if that means you leave me in a year, two years, three. I just-”

For the first time since he had reappeared in your life you laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more. Clutching your stomach and wiping a tear from the corner of your eye, you looked at him, eyes shining.

“Kento.” Your voice was soft, despite the traces of mirth still lingering in it. “I appreciate your confidence in me, but I don’t even know what I’m doing for the rest of tonight, let alone for the rest of my life. Why don’t we just take it one day at a time, okay?”

He slumped forwards in relief and wrapped his arms around you. 

“Thank you. Thank you. That sounds much more than okay sweetheart. Sounds perfect, actually.”

You said, "Hey, whatcha doing for the rest of your life?" And I said, "I don't even know what I'm doing tonight"

Time went by, and you relearned everything about the man named Nanami Kento. You learned that he still wanted to go to Malaysia, and that he moped around for a month after his favorite bakery closed down. You learned that he had tried to take up painting as a hobby in his early twenties only to discover he was extremely bad at it and quit, and that he pretends to be reading when Gojo is around so he has an excuse to ignore him.

You noticed that he was less open with his emotions than he used to be, but that didn’t stop him  from expressing his affection in other ways. Be it always greeting you with your favorite pastry and a coffee in the mornings, or going out of his way to profess his feelings towards you, he made sure that you never had another reason to doubt his love for you.

It took time, and while it never fully went away, the hurt and anger faded until it was unnoticeable. When he left you had been in love with the eighteen year old version of him, and you got to experience falling in love with him all over again, this time with his twenty-seven year old self.

Fast forward two years, and the two of you are taking a nighttime walk in the park from two years ago, holding hands as you enjoy the peaceful night air when he suddenly speaks, startling you.

“Love.” You jolt looking up at him. “Yes? What’s…”

Part of you relished in the fact that you could see past his stoic facade straight to what was in his heart again, but tonight the intensity of the emotions swirling in his warm brown eyes caused you to trail off.

They weren’t bad emotions, in fact, they were far from it. He was looking at you like you were his whole world, like he could spend the rest of your life gazing into your eyes and still not have enough of your face. A little flustered under his full attention, you spluttered, then became deathly still.

Maintaining eye contact the entire time, your boyfriend got down on one knee just like he did all those years ago in that restaurant when he was begging for another chance. Except this time he reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a velvet ring box. And suddenly a simple, yet elegant diamond was twinkling up at you from where it was nestled in the plush velvet.

You looked at me and I looked at you Like we'd never look away

Your hand flies up, covering your mouth as tears fill your eyes. “Ken are you…?” He smiles tenderly up at you, and the sweetness of the moment absolutely nearly gives you heart palpitations.

“Y/N.” He looks at you like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on with so much conviction that you can’t help but believe him. “The first time I met you I knew you were the one for me. I-”

“Hold up.” You hold a hand out, cutting him off with a watery giggle. “The first time you met me I was laughing so hard about a dick joke Shoko made that I shot soda out of my nose. That’s what sealed the deal for you?”

He chuckled dryly. “What can I say, I saw a beautiful girl who was unafraid of expressing her joy to the fullest extent. When I heard your laugh, it literally gave me butterflies. It was beautiful, unrestrained and full of joy, just like you are.”

Taking a deep breath, his expression sombered slightly and he continued. “I know that I hurt you when I left. I will never forgive myself for that. And I will never stop being grateful to you for giving me another chance to prove my love to you. I won’t be as bold as to ask you to be mine; I know I don’t deserve that”

At this point you were openly crying, the moonlight glimmering off the unshed tears in his eyes as well.

“But, if you would give me the honor of being yours, of becoming your husband, I promise you won’t regret it. I promise that you will always be supported and valued. I promise that I will stay by your side and love you through thick and thin. So, would you give me the honor of being yours? Of staying by your side and loving you for the rest of our lives?”

You fling yourself at him and wrap your arms around his neck, crying into his shoulder. “Save the vows for the wedding loverboy, what are you going to say when we get married now that you’ve already made all of your promises to me? Huh?”

“When we get married?” His arms wrap around you as his voice trembles. “So, is that a yes?”

You lean back the salt from your tears mixing as you plant a sweet kiss on his lips. 

“Of course it is. You’re mine. That’s something that’s never going to change. However, Mr. Nanami Kento, would you give me the honor of being yours?”

He throws his head back and laughs. “Of course I will. Is that even a question you have to ask?”

And as he slips the ring onto your finger (it fits perfectly, of course) you know that being his is the one decision you will never regret.

And you said, "I never regretted the day that I called you mine" So I call you mine

taglist: @ponderingmoonlight @arlerts-angel @m0k0k0 @starlightanyaaa

[a0random0gal]

Soo today I made the terrible mistake to look for hotd art on pinterest, and came across a... particular comment that genuinely led me to question my faith in humanity.

Oh boy

Where do I even begin with this?

I thought team black was at least cool with Hel cause she's literally the most innocent character in the show (except for the kids obviously) but apparently some blacks have beef with her too now.

Cool, just great.

Haelena had the opportunity to go with her kids to Nyra.

I'm sorry but why? Why would she want to betray her family, her actual family? Rhaenyra never gave a flying fuck about her growing up, they have never even talked on screen! Why, why would she dump her siblings and her parents to join the cause of the woman who's side wants the people she loves killed? It makes no sense whatsoever. The blacks really don't understand that not everyone on Planetos loves Nyra like them and it shows.

Also if she really tried to betray her family for Nyra, I think Aegon, Ali and Aemond would have noticed Dreamfyre leaving King's Landing to go to Dragonstone and would have gone after her on Sunfyre and Vhagar.

And even if she somehow made it there, what do you think was going to happen? Rhaenyra was just going to welcome them with open arms as if she wasn't married to her "usurper"?

Best case scenario Nyra pretends to welcome them in and then Daemon sends his men to strangle Jaehaerys and Maelor as they sleep to get rid of Aegon's possible heirs.

I mean hell in the books Rhae put a fucking bounty on her 2 year old nephew's head that lead to his brutal death and they think she would just allow them to switch sides? Man these people really do not know how the game of thrones works.

She wanted to be queen

When? When has it ever been stated that Hel wants to be queen? When did we ever get a dialogue where she talked about how she couldn't wait for Aegon to inherit so she could replace her mom as queen?

Never

Haelena spends most of her time on screen making prophecies of the future, playing with bugs and dancing with Jace, when has her ambition for the crown been portrayed?

When have we seen any hint of her desire for power? Wtf

We're all dumb and sick bla bla...

Honestly after all this trash I've had to debunk being called names doesn't even phase me lmao. Go ahead, insulting others is always your last resort when you don't know how to admit that you're wrong.

We are blinded by the outside beauty of the characters and don't pay attention to who they really are

Ohhh the sweet sweet irony of this statement .

Team broccoli doesn't acknowledge their rapist usurper, their war criminal prince and their whore queen Alicunt! They're so nasty!

But Isn't Daemon suuper hot? God he is such an obedient malewife, Rhaenyra couldn't have chosen better! He's not a pedo guys I swear, the young silver haired virgins' ages were never confirmed, maybe they were at least eighteen! And he totally didn't pursue Nettles sexually, she was most likely his daughter!

What a joke

[tellmealovestory]

Crochet Sweater

Summary: You started a new hobby and your first project doesn't come out the way you hoped.

Warnings: A few lines of suggestive dialogue.

Spooktober Masterlist

“It’s finished!” You exude excitement as you skip up to Eddie carrying a black bag stuffed with orange tissue paper that crinkles every time you swing it back and forth in your hands.

“Took you long enough,” Eddie teases, grimacing when you slap his chest playfully. “Ouch, lady! You wound me.” 

You roll your eyes at his dramatics because you clearly didn’t. Shoving the bag into his arms you wait with bated breath as he pushes aside some of the tissue paper to peer inside. His eyebrows meet in the middle of his forehead, lips turning down into a frown and your stomach twists and turns like a pretzel. 

“It’s a Christmas sweater?” he asks with confusion. “Little early for Christmas presents isn’t it? Only October last I checked.” 

“What? No,” you say. “It’s the sweater that Freddy Cougar wears from that movie you won’t stop talking about.” 

“Cougar? You mean Kreuger?” 

You shrug your shoulders and scrunch your face up. Cougar, Kreuger it’s all the same to you. It’s a horror movie villain and you refuse to watch horror movies because you get scared easily and despite Eddie’s promises that he won’t let anything happen to you you still refuse to go to the movies and see it with him. 

“Huh,” Eddie says, pulling the crochet sweater fully out of the bag. The tissue paper crinkles again and he carelessly tosses the bag to the floor, his confusion only growing when he sees it fully. 

All he had told you were the colors were red and green so naturally you had chosen colors that were bright and cheery. A bold green, almost neon like something the Grinch’s fur would be covered in. A red that was cherry colored, the color of ribbons and bows strung up on porches during the holiday season. 

Holding it up to his body he doesn’t even try to hold back his laughter that bursts out loud and hard until his shoulders are shaking and he can barely breath. One sleeve is far longer than the other, covering his rings that rest on his fingers, the other only about a quarter long. It’s wide, but short and as you stare at it and then him you’re mortified. 

“Oh…” 

It’s the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen in your life. In your defense it was your first attempt at a new hobby, but still…

“You don’t have to wear that,” you blurt, reaching out for it to take it back and shove it in the bottom of a dumpster in a part of town that no one goes to, but Eddie is quicker than you, pulling it out of your reach as he slips it over his head. 

Dear god it’s even uglier on him and he’s a man that could pull anything off. 

Your face hurts from how hot it’s burning, but Eddie seems to be having the time of his life. Using the arm that has the longer sleeve he flops his hand about in the air and grins like a mad man. There’s a sliver of midriff showing where you didn’t get the measurements quite right and when he turns around and spins like a ballerina you can see some of the yarn you used already unraveling near the back and the bottom.

“Eddie. If you care about me at all you’re going to take that thing off and burn it in the backyard.”

“Naw. Gonna wear this on our next date. Make everybody in this town jealous. Hey, you ever thought of making one for yourself? We could wear matching sweaters on date night.” He wiggles his eyebrows like he’s come up with the best idea in the world.

This time when you slap his chest you make sure to add a little more force so it hurts. 

“Gonna sleep in this. Gonna wear it till it falls off. Gonna make sweet, sweet love to you in this,” he says, eyebrows dancing higher and that’s the final straw. 

“Oh my god,” you mutter, face burning hotter because only Eddie would think of saying something like that. “I swear to god if you plan on wearing that while we’re making out the only person you’re gonna be making love to is yourself.” You say putting air quotes around the last few words. 

His boisterous laughter is the last thing you hear before he’s enveloping you in his arms and the ugly sweater, mouth covering yours as he kisses you. “I really do like it,” he murmurs against your lips. 

You want to call him a liar because how could anyone love something that ugly? But before you can get a word in edgewise he’s kissing you again making you lose your train of thought.

[elixirfromthestars]

You said I can spam your inbox so sorry but I’m going to do exactly that!🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

🎁 - Encourage a creator to rec some of their favorite creators.

Who are your favourite writers on here? In general or just Bucky or whatever you want.🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Sydney oh my I have seen 👀💕 and of course you are always welcome in my inbox, my messages, & everything!! 💖💖💖

I have a lot to say so bear with me 🤭💖 I’m about to shower all of them with some love!!! ❤️ I picked out a few things I love from each writer, becasue if I picked everything then I would end up with an essay for each one lol ♡ ♡ ♡

@buck-star °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ I have to start with you my sweet Sydney!! 💕 I love the way your mind works and creates all kinds of beautiful and intriguing stories!! I swear I’m still stuck on your football captain Bucky, like I’m obsessed with him!! 🥰❤️ You always know exactly what tropes and sweet moments to add in with Bucky and the reader that makes me fall in love with him over and over again 🥰❤️ And I thank you for that 🥹🩷

@thevillainswhore °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Mollie, you have one of the most beautiful prose I have ever read. You have a way with words that makes your works so vivid, so lovely, and brings them to life!! 🩷 I fall in love with every single Bucky you write!! 🥹❤️ Your writing has such heart and love poured into it, and I can feel every ounce of it when I read it. Your Lumberjack Bucky in particular owns my heart!! That piece was so beautiful it had me longing to hold him as beautifully as you wrote it 🥺💗

@nickfowlerrr °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Bella, the way you write Bucky genuinely shows how much you love him. You write him with such love and care, it’s like your works are love letters to him and it makes for such a beautiful read 🥺❤️❤️ And the readers you write are so real in their vulnerabilities and personalities that it brings such a special touch to your writings that is uniquely yours and so heartwarmingly good!! 🩷🩷🩷

@humanwip °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Ez, your oneshots always leave me all giggly and kicking my feet!! 🤭💖 I love how you bring all the characters to life in your works!! I especially loved how you added in Sam in both the best friend Bucky and Barista Bucky fics I read!! I love his friendship with Bucky, and you write it so well!! 🫶🏼💕 I also love how you write the interactions between the reader and Bucky. They’re always so sweet and leave me swooning 🥹💗💗

@flowersforbucky °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Cait, you write in ways that truly awaken some beautiful feelings within me 🥰❤️✨ Your love language oneshot will forever live in my heart as one of my absolute favorites ever!! 🩷 Seriously, Bucky ft Peeta Mellark like you were looking to capture my heart forever!! 💘 You write Bucky’s personality so perfectly that makes his dialogue and overall exchanges with the reader feel so real and natural that pulls me in every time and keeps me hooked!! ❤️❤️❤️

@marvelstoriesepic °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ My lovely, your imagery in your writing is so good!! The details you put in your writing to capture all the five senses always fascinate me and I love it so much!! ❤️ I’m such an imaginative reader, so a writer that pays attention to all that truly captures my attention!! Your barista Bucky fic is in my all time favorites!! ☕️🤎 Everything about that piece was amazing and filled my heart with softness and comfort like no other!!! Like a hot cup of coffee on a cozy rainy day!! 🩷🩷🩷

@nicoline1998enilocin °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Nicoline, I am so enamored with the way you build the worlds in your works. It transports me into them and it’s so vivid, I love it!! 🥰❤️ Before my writing challenge, I hadn’t read any Tony fics and then yours made me grow an appreciation for him and fall in love with your portrayals of him 🥹💕💕 You pay such excellent attention to detail and to the characters that it gives your fics such a beautiful realness to them that just brings them to life!! 💖💖💖

I hope my comments make sense 🫶🏼💕 (sorry for using beautiful so much, words are failing me today 🥲) I’m still on the last few rounds of my wisdom teeth medication so…my mind is a little fuzzy 😅 But I have lots of appreciation and love for every single one of you!!!!! 💖💖💖

^ all of you have always left me in so many wonderful feelings every time I read your works and I am so thankful you are all here with us and sharing your beautiful creations with us 🥹💕💕

Sending you all lots of love!! 🫶🏼💕

[christinethalassinou]

I've finished my Shogun rewatch, and I'm unwell.

It's not perfect, nothing is, but damn, it sure as hell gets pretty close to it. Sometimes there's a bit too much infodump in the dialogues (show, don't tell! or at least make it less obvious), and I won't ever recover from the fact that they decided to kill off Hiromatsu (I swear, if I ever find the one responsible, I'd kindly invite them for an afternoon tea and a seppuku in my back garden). But regardless, Shogun is the best thing that's happened to the film industry in the last two decades at the very least. And the best thing that's happened to me this year.

However, watching it the second time and having the freedom to rely a bit less on the subtitles since I've seen it all once already, gave me the opportunity to realize just how utterly traumatized everyone is in this story. Like, really, I was like: y'all need therapy, guys. All of you.

Tora with his PTSD and trust issues, Mariko (and several others) with their depression and suicidal tendencies, Ishido with his minority complex and self-confident issues... What a pity that therapist wasn't an available occupation back then, with guys like these all around, no therapist would have gone hungry, ever.

All in all, I'm not even against more seasons because the story does have the potential in it, it can be done. But they need very good writers, and someone (or several someones) to hold these writers back from coming up with too much bullshit.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish them the best of luck.

[jrooc]

✨ Tag Game Wednesday ✨

Thank you dearest @juliakayyy @energievie @mybrainismelted @deedala @mmmichyyy @stocious @francesrose3 for tagging me!

~~~~~~~~~~~ Name: Jess

Age: A little younger than Noel

star sign: Libra ♎️

your first language: English

second language: I can swear pretty expertly in Quebec French

favourite lip product: Glossier’s Bom Dot Com- lifesaving in Canadian winter

the best food dish you can make without a recipe: Chicken Pot Pie or fish tacos with mango salsa. Or seared tuna. I’m a decent home cook.

If you drink tea, what kind?  British black tea. I like Typhoo or the green box

If you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get? Medium

favourite thing to watch on youtube right now:  Gallavich edits or workout videos

favourite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: was I on YT back then? Maybe music videos or Queer as Folk clips?  

favourite item of clothing right now: My Gallavich sweatshirt from Redbubble

favourite item of clothing in 2012: Probably ripped jeans like I’ve been wearing every day for years

fandom

three movies you recommend: Kiera Knightley’s Pride and Prejudice, Garden State, Empire Records

your favourite concert: Rilo Kiley or Wolf Parade. Maybe Modest Mouse? There’s been a lot of shows, man

have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? Im afraid of Shameless Reddit

have you ever left a fandom because of the fans? No but I’m pretty new to fandom. Hi! Happy to be here 👋🏻

the best tv show you watched last year: The Bear and The Last of Us (Julia this is great I’m just stealing your answers lol)

do you have a fancasting you just can’t let go of? Noel Fisher and Cameron Monaghon

a ship you’ve abandoned: JimmySteve/Fiona

on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history? 10 but Proceed at your own risk. As Kaka said I’m apart of the weird shit channel on discord and have seen some things.

do you have a fandom tattoo? (do you want one?) 1000% but probably something subtle or hidden. Maybe a line of dialogue like “Sorry I’m Late”

what fandom do you wish was bigger? Shrug emoji

has a finale ever ruined a show for you? How I Met Your Mother .. wtf

have you…

swam in an ocean? Yes! (Currently right next to one) ever been vegan/vegetarian? Never I love meat. gone skinny dipping? Yupp gone skiing? Yes but not a fan. been to a convention? For work? Too many.

Waving hi or tagging @deathclassic @skylerwinchester @creepkinginc @ms-moonlight-inn @redwiccanrobin @mickeysgaymom @tv-obssessions @such-a-barbarian @gallavichsuperfan @peppaspice @guinguin1984 @ian-galagher @darlingian @librasrenaissance @samantitheos @sleepyfacetoughguy @crossmydna @heymrspatel @heymacy @sam-loves-seb @sgtmickeyslaughter

[hirmienworld]

The chemistry!

This episode was perfect from start to finish. I feel so blessed to have seen it.

Perth and Chimon are damn good, they manage to convey every emotion in a very vivid way, every dialogue flows in a fluid and natural way, there are no awkward moments or too abrupt cuts and the music is also beautiful and always perfectly in theme.

I read several criticisms about their kiss but honestly it entered the top 10 of my favorites, because both they and the direction were incredibly good at conveying that it was their FIRST KISS and not just "the first kiss between the two of them" but the first ever. With the added bonus of it being their first, spontaneous kiss between men, which is certainly a quiet way to admit what they both like, when words fail them.

The way Sailom slowly gives in to the kiss, resisting at first, probably until it became clear to him that Kang was serious… I was so moved!

And I still am, I think I will live in a state of agitation and butterflies in my belly until next Friday. And I still have to watch "I feel you linger in the air" and tomorrow there is "Only Friends" OMG will I ever make it to next Friday alive?!

Nobody touches "Dangerous Romance" I SWEAR it's the Thai Boys Love of the year together with IFYLITA. I'm hesitant about "Only Friends" only because I can't consider it the best of the year until I know for sure that both Ray and Sand won't be given a sad ending and that Mew is indeed the real mastermind and psycho bitch of that show LOL.

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

JWB! Would like to know your thoughts on Barun 's latest badtameez dil please?

Thoughts on Badtameez Dil

Cringe

Terrible dialogues

The female protagonist is a pick me girl at best

The writers thought they're writing a contemporary romance but instead it was desperate

Barun isn't sure if he's an urban boy or a Delhi boy at times

GOD SOMEONE WIPE BARUN'S FACE IT IS SHINING LIKE A MIRROR WITH ALL THAT DEWY MAKEUP

SOMEONE GET ANTI FRIZZ FOR RIDDHI'S HAIR, it hurt me because it looked so damaged

Talk about first world problems

Arnav will forever be the best complex romantic character Barun has ever played, period, and Arjun was the best softest character he ever played (hasn't broken his own benchmark tbh)

Barun and Riddhi are electric as Nikhil and Nusrat in Asur cause they have a very muted chemistry which works incredibly well for ex lovers vibe but are a terrible choice for a romcom

Toxic, toxic, toxic

Liz really forces herself in Karan's life, I'd pair her with Ayan from Ae Dil Hai Mushkil cause both don't know how to take a 'no'. Girl creeped me over her crying over Karan to a point where I felt sadder for the bleh Karan on having Liz fawn over him

I would hate to be either of their friends, imagine being entangled in these two idiots lives for ten years... sigh

Liz literally only pouts (but Riddhi is so pretty omg)

The issue is the writers think they're writing a romance by quoting Austen and Shakespeare but I can bet my money they've understood neither of the writer's works. Shakespeare's tragedies have more romance than Austen's romances.

My problem with this show is it is really an average thing on the web, really super average. But everyone thinks it's amazing. I don't know how. And I swear I'm not hating on it for biases. Just a genuine observation.

It's average. I would actually not be upset if I had not seen people idolizing some seriously problematic things shown in the show and it apparently receiving rave reviews.

Guys, if you wanna watch a new romance, catch Tara V/S Bilal - marriage of convenience as well as solid character development with its cheesy romcom vibes!

Best,

JWB

[purplekoop]

FINALLY saw Mutant Mayhem, and it was really good!!! I might wanna give it a second watch later along with other Turtle stuff rewatches and do a more in-depth review then, but I'll say the spoiler-free highlights now.

The obvious striking thing is the film visual style, which going in I knew broadly as "like Spider-verse", but that feels like a gross oversimplification for this movie's fantastic look. It's a mix between grungy realism, rough sketchiness (my mom said it looked like one of my drawings, which, yeah I'll take it), and oddly some vague claymation vibes? The turtles especially feel like chunky molded clay in the best way. It's a super cool style that definitely stands out on its own but still feels thoroughly Ninja Turtles despite not quite looking like any one individual prior incarnation. A bit of 2012 with the grungy blockiness, a bit of Rise with the vibrant expressive animation, and a heaping dosage of just general "this would've been the coolest thing ever in the 80's."

Other major high point is just how... exceptionally pleasant the movie is. It's arguably the most light-hearted Turtles incarnation to date, even beating out Rise in terms of friendly vibes... well, barring the bottom-shelf swears and on-screen puke, personally could've gone without the latter but oh well. From the moment we see the turtles we get to see how much this movie appreciates the mundane, with dialogue, visual details, and quick gags that just... I dunno, feel natural? Like, this movie pulls of an astounding amount of reference humor that feels like it'd be irritating if it weren't so believably honest. Yeah, if they were teenage brothers they would say Mikey's head looks like a mix between Hey Arnold and Stewie Griffin. Of course they would. Also the "cringy" music choices rubbed me the right way too, again this movie's tone is so sincere that I can't help but love these too. My mom also specifically cited this as a high point. The "pleasant vibes" praise extends throughout the movie, but I think going fully in-depth on that point would require spoilers. Rest assured, this movie's an exceptionally feel-good watch.

I guess only critique is one I saw coming but because I was dodging spoilers I didn't have the full expectations for. I heard vaguely that there were gonna be a lot of classic mutants showing up for this movie, hence the title I suppose, but I was worried it was gonna be a Spider-Man 3 kind of situation where it'd be constant bad guys that don't leave much individual impact. Which... is both true and not true for this movie. It's not THAT detrimental by any means, but I do still wish the individual characters got to do more. I like what they do get to do, but only a couple actually get to do much, even Bebop and Rocksteady barely have a few lines despite being THE mutant bad guys and having some of the biggest celebrity voices. I think maybe even two or three of them could've been cut and their presence wouldn't have been missed, but I can also appreciate the novelty that these characters probably wouldn't get a big screen debut otherwise. I dunno, maybe I'm just petty these are all classic picks and aren't new characters from my eras of turtles. Fishface for the sequel, come on folks if I believe then you can too.

On that note though, I am hoping that obvious sequel bait goes somewhere, because this movie deserves it. I wanna see this incarnation again, which... I mean I'm pretty sure did well enough to where it's already in the works? If Spider-Verse is gonna be a trilogy (still haven't seen Across yet btw) then this movie certainly deserves at least one followup.

But yeah, great movie! I think I do have to put this as my favorite TMNT movie ever now, so uh... sorry to the original two live action movies and none of the others.

(also I was gonna do a season 1 review of TMNT 2012 but I started it a while ago right as I finished it early in January but then it got overwhelming and I didn't have as much as I wanna say so I don't know what I'm doing with that yet, I might move on to season 2 but idk there's still a lot I wanna say about the show but I still don't know the format. Also expect Things I Love #4 about a completely unrelated show I'm due to finish a rewatch of soon)

[a-deadly-serenade]

nocturne review, ramblings

obvs spoilers for the show down below.

so, i'm gonna be real with y'all; i dont think i would have watched this if not for one of my mutuals spilling the beans about alucard making an appearance 💀 s4 was ok and a fine conclusion to the og castlevania that started this animated franchise, but i dont think i will ever get over the absolute fumble and frankly, insulting way they wrapped up s3. even s4 had its cringe moments, like lenore getting a peaceful sendoff and carmilla getting to kill herself. but, i digress. i was going into nocturne with an already negative mindset and that may have made me more critical of the show. can u blame me though? lmao

i had seen a few clips and screenshots on twitter when they dropped the first 3 eps early and... they only helped solidify my decision to remain skeptical of the staff's writing capabilities. shit was already a little hazy and wishy-washy with their portrayal of isaac in s2 and how they treated hector thruought the show (not to mention the two asian-coded characters in s3). let's just say, the netflix castlevania team doesnt have the greatest track record when it comes to writing poc characters. so, when i saw screengrabs just outright stating that this show was going to deal with historically accurate racism? hm.

obvs as a white woman, i can only go so far on this criticism of the writing, but i dont really understand why they needed to include this? the comparisons and allegory of freedom from indentured servitude to the french revolution, was very weak and bare bones at best. you can keep the motif of the church existing on exploitation and blood of the people-- a whole cross section of the world was involved in the crusades, which is the priests & his entourages whole deal--but, why couldnt annette just be a witch? why did this "historical accuracy" need to get involved with the time period? bcuz the french revolution was name dropped? your main villain is a hungarian countess from the 16th century that made a pact with an EGYPTIAN goddess to become all powerful. like.

and also..... why the FUCK are vampires getting involved with the intercontinental slave trade bro??? 😭 theyre immortal beings that have seen the rise and fall of empires and can do whatever tf they want and go wherever tf they want and they choose to..... own a plantation? give af abut the economy? with selling goods??? okkkkk. also, this line of dialogue is insane to me:

you cant have a central theme of your story be standing up against the oppressors and then make said oppressors fantastical monsters. what kills me is that they've delved into the monstrosity of humanity in s1 and s2, and yet, when you bring in one of the most monstrous things humanity has ever done in its history for the sake of historical accuracy, you turn the very perpetrators into something mythical, and evil that the common folk had no chance of ever defeating even if they tried. its just overall, very messy and they certainly were not the creative team to try and tackle something like this.

speaking of, the writing, again, it definitely left something to be desired. there are moments that are good, don't get me wrong. episode 6 is a particular favorite of mine, shining through with its wonderful character moments b/w annette's soul searching with her ancestors, richter and juste's heart to heart, and olrox's confessions to mizrak. tera's sacrifice to ensure maria's safety is also really well done, as well as maria's final confrontation with her father in the church. however, these were fewer and farther between than i would have liked. a lot of the scenes that played out just fine, were ultimately sullied by this series' incessant need to insert swearing into every other sentence. its something that bothered me nearing the end of s4 especially, and i've just grown tired of it. it honestly takes me out of the scene to constantly hear fuck thrown out every 2 seconds for literally... no reason. i promise y'all can write meaningful and impactful dialogue without having your characters swear lmao

the writing itself is what unfortunately makes the first half of the show kind of drag a bit. the story doesn't really know what it wants to do. none of these new characters are really given time to breathe and be really fleshed out, bcuz every time things settle down and we're given the chance to learn more about their motivations, its like they're almost scared they'll lose your attention and any down time is immediately followed up with an intense action sequence. which, dont get me wrong, if theres one thing they dont disappoint with--its the action. but, i dont think that was ever up for debate to begin with. however, i believe that the characters really suffer bcuz of this. if you've never played the games, which, i believe most people tuning in to watch these series never have, you would have no idea who maria or richter are, and, i really don't think they were given enough time to be fleshed out. half the time, richter's dialogue just ends up being naive, walmart trevor belmont sarcastic one-liners and poor maria ping-pongs b/w the blandest, generic, wonderbread toutings of 'revolution' or calling richter a dick, wanker, or anything in b/w. episode 6, one of the better episodes as mentioned previously, is where we really get to see some actual growth around richter especially. there were moments where his trauma could have been further explored earlier, but they kind of got shoved to the wayside in favor of dragging out the interworking bw all the villains. which.....

if i'm gonna talk about the villains. my initial thoughts were that nocturne was going to be a one-and-done, standalone series with its own self contained story that would be wrapped up in these 8 episodes. i was wrong. and i really dont know how they're going to keep this story going. erzsebet is already a very weak and uninteresting and, honestly, confusing ? villain? for more than half of the series, she's talked about as the mysterious and all powerful Messiah and theyre gathering all these sacrifices for her to bring her back and create an army of night creatures. why is she considered powerful? bcause she made a pact with Sekhmet, an egyptian goddess. why did she do this? who knows! why does she have such a devoted cult of loyal followers when she hasnt done anything but kill a lot of people? again, who knows. why did maria's father think that a VAMPIRE would keep him in cahoots during this whole plan and not immediately fuck him over once she got what she wanted...? who fucking knows. olrox is the most interesting of the villains but even he isnt fully explored. the motivations are just not really explained very well and the buildup to erzsebet's arrival was so sudden that i literally thought i missed an entire episode. one minute, shes hiding in the shadows and the next ? waltzing in on a golden chariot and being heralded as the people's savior?? so damn messy and honestly? i really could not have cared less about her. which is insane to say, bcuz shes literally based off of a real countess who's case and life were a special interest of mine. i just... why an EGYPTIAN goddess?? shes from HUNGARY. were there no goddesses in europe to pull from she could have made a pact with? idk man it just makes no damn sense.

i am definitely more than a little peeved that this wasn't even the complete story, bcuz they did such a poor job establishing erzsebet as a villain, that i really dont give af what crazy shit they come up with to extend the story. you show her being a big badass in the very last episode. ok, you as an audience member, are immediately shown why dracula is so feared within the first 10 minutes of the first episode. and all of that wasnt even HIM fighting!!! the worst thing i've seen miss countess bathory do over here is summon a crazy orb and turn into a furry. like, where is the story going to go from here? they fight tera? save edouard and have a night creature alliance? make maria or alucard (yes, i'll get to him) summon the portal again? which btw... machine from HELL? im not even gonna touch that can of worms. somehow bring olrox back to.....? help kill bathory? idfk

and man...... i was hoping against hope that when i found out alucard was going to make an appearance, that it was just going to be some neat little cameo at the v end of the series after the main story had concluded. a little nod, a little treat to the audience that the next series would be encompassing the events of symphony of the night. maybe we'd even get a depiction of maria and richter when theyre older, i dont know, anything but throwing him in there as an overpowered hail mary to save the day. we couldnt just let these new characters figure it out and triumph in their own way? we had to drag him into this, now? i cant even tell you how disappointed i was when i saw that sword pierce drolta. ME! the resident alucard fan since i was like mf elementary school!!! ugh.

i think this is it for me and netflix castlevania lmao im a grumpy old man and miss when it was mainly fun easter eggs to the games, like how they brought in juste or how olrox turns into a big green monster and has an attack that sends flying skulls your way, or the REMIX of RICHTER'S THEME!!! but its just gotten so silly and the writing hasnt gotten any better..... from now on, im going to simply stick to the games that made me fall in love with this series in the first place & let this be the last time i ever feel the need to bitch about new 'netflixvania' content.

[gerrymike]

Writing pointers Ive internalised up to now more or less for my own reference no one asked but i needed the refresher

- classic show not tell kinda subscribed to the Palahniuk school i dont have the article on hand but it’s good even though i forget to do it sometimes. My philosophy is show for the 80% of time where showing lets you puppet around sexier pictures, tell for maybe 20% of the time when you have a specific voice to the telling and if the pictures the showing makes are pointless/redundant/slow-downs. okay hey wait I found the article it’s called “Nuts and bolts”

- Ocean Vuong on metaphors where the metaphor HAS to serve a purpose or connect to something, or at least have an “underneath” underside to it that can’t be accessed through any other means, note: sometimes the metaphor comes to you but usually if you feel real strong about it and can’t seem to replace it with anything else then it’s probably got a hidden layer already that will show itself to you with time even if it doesn’t really make sense in the moment. This pointer is the main source of my anguish when i read my old stuff because Im always like fucccckkkkk this metaphor is so gauche, what are you doing

- again i dont fkin remember where this is from but the thing about external/internal prose - God i swear this is from someone’s medium account but i don’t know. Basically interior novels where page space is mainly your character’s thoughts VS physical space novels, with your characters moving around, acting out and interacting with an environment with their thoughts maybe veiled from reader. Kind of ties into Nuts and Bolts with the showing, but on a diff level I like to stay in the external realm in a way where you could block the whole novel as a play with clearer, charming actions that can translate to visually compelling stage directions. Of course it depends on how interior/exterior your narrator/character is but in principle i find it easy to dislike overly interior narrators (why should your reader care what your narrator thinks??)

- secondary to prev point, if the movement/interactions you block aren’t inherently stylish then they should serve a purpose, moving your characters from point A to point B necessitates a relevant activity at point B, a push factor away from point A, or valuable information communicated from what happens in the journey…wait i say stylish a lot i dunno if ykwim best example i can think of is from Miss Julie where (even though it’s secondary to the dialogue at hand) while Julie tries to bargain with Christine you have Jean VISIBLE TO THE AUDIENCE in the wings of the stage sharpening his razor two hands nodding to himself as she repeats exactly the words he used to bargain with her <- THAT is style

- kinda boils down to the common thing about ensuring motivations for all of your characters, like all of them should have wants that drive them to be in places (if you flesh your guys out wholly enough this should come naturally)

- on character voices best if you can reach a point where you can basically hear them chatting at you in your head: best examples I think are like, Mercymorn from the locked tomb (crazy brilliant and bonkers voicing from muir imo), Tennessee williams plays (but they’re plays so obviously the voices are meant to be heard - i just personally haven’t seen any of them performed so i hear them 100% based on williams’ skill in writing dialogue)… no real tips on getting to this point but if you’re going for a specific brogue obviously listening to it helps. Though the point of writing fiction is ofc that it’s fiction and you can make your characters talk funnier and smarter than anyone in real life might so like: liberties, my philosophy is style over realism in the tradition of stage monologues and the like, where your characters chat in the manner you wish people around you talked all the time (STRIKE THROUGH THE MASK!!!!!)

- word count for sake of word count is your enemy if you ever catch yourself writing a scene that bores you, if it bores your reader then no ones gonna be happy. Cut it and frame it in a way that you like enough to keep in at all costs

- lowkey been trying to cut down my semicolon usage because I grudgingly see the value of Cormac Mccarthy stylistic choices but laaaaiiiikeee its hard and sometimes you need it to install a kind of half-breath in your prose - i think the middle ground I want to reach is the use of it as a luxury and not like pepper (literally searched the last chapter for my semicolon usage and its 28 like 3 per thousand words :( help)

- literally never make me read the word cishet in a serious work of writing ever. “Dysphoria” no “trans” its 50/50 “genderfuck” get out of town no “intersectional feminist” no. Okay lol this point is just me being not liking any explicit integration of the present cultural-political terminology into writing and also me being a bit bitchy about this one lgbt cult novel named after a US state if you can guess which. My view is it will always be gauche and i dont like it and it tends to prompt me to say out loud to myself My God I hate gay people

More later if i think of it but i swear ive yet to meet the writing pointer from a true sage that is gonna transform my thinking and make what im capable of transcendental

[coredrill]

can u convince me to watch bravern? gurren lagann is the only mecha anime I've ever seen. should I watch it even? thank you.

i can do my darndest!!! 🫡 i definitely think it's worth a watch even if you've only seen ttgl - i've watched bravern with a few friends whose mecha experience starts and ends with evangelion, and they had a fun time!!! it's also standalone and only 12 episodes, so it's a pretty quick and easy watch!

anyways in terms of convincing you the first thing i will include is the OP, because from the moment i saw this i was like. i must watch this immediately. and i have been hooked ever since!!! and also it is sung by bravern (the main mecha) himself and it RULES. it does kinda spoil the gimmick of the first episode (the first 15 minutes or so try to sell the show as like. a serious war drama fslkdjfh) but it matches the tone of the rest of the show much better so i don't think you really lose much:

and i'm also gonna include the ED because everything about the show that ISN'T captured by the OP is shown in the ED…………i swear they made it this to give their audience a chance to wind down from how homoerotic the actual show itself is, LMAO.

in terms of things that might appeal to you as a ttgl fan - katsuyuki konishi (kamina's jp va) has a small but very funny role, LMAO. on the whole, bravern is also very much about characters surpassing their own limitations, and also the show surpassing its own limitations at the same time! i wouldn't say that the plot/stakes are exponential in the way that ttgl's is, what with them going to space and making universe-sized mechs, but it does give a very similar feeling of "surely this is as far as they'll go, right?………..OH NOPE NEVER MIND" imo!!! it's also so very much about the power of love that it got my hater ass rooting for the earnest yet bizarre romance that occurs, LMAO. i'd say that while ttgl's theme of "love conservative" isn't quite as explicit in bravern, it still applies!! overall bravern knows exactly what it's doing and loves every moment of it, just like ttgl does, which i think is a huge part of why i personally got sucked into it so hard LMAO.

also, the show is just fucking hilarious imo. the dialogue has so many funny out-of-pocket moments that made me genuinely laugh aloud and the situations that the characters get into feel like every time the crew behind the show was presented with the chance to make a decision, they chose the most unhinged option available in the best way possible. a non-spoiler example of this is that for some reason, the suez canal is still blocked in the bravern universe????????? like, this took me out when i saw it, because. WHAT IS THE REASON

honestly the one thing that really comes nowheres near ttgl is in its animation (of course), though i will say that bravern's 3d mechs look really good and are some of the best i've seen outside of studio trigger et al's recent work with promare/griduni!! also akira amemiya (who did a good amount of key animation in ttgl) did this cut in the OP which imo rules

i hope you enjoy it if you do check it out!!!! it's such a wild ride on the whole but it's really a special show and it brings me so much joy!!

[aladaylessecondblog]

Mousetrap, pt. 4 ("Gamechanger")

Author's Note: Fair amount of in-game dialogue here. almost 5,000 words.

-----------------------------------

"The spell wilt be complete three minutes hence. Speak your goodbyes."

Withers had at least been kind enough to use a sleep spell on Cald. The boy would remember nothing when the trip was made anyway, and it would be best not to disturb the poor mite.

"Protect him," Gortash said, holding the sleeping boy. "Protect him from everything, even me, if you must. Promise me that. Promise me, Tav."

"I swear it, Enver," Tav replied, stroking his stubble-covered cheek, "I told you once that nothing was more precious, and I meant it. I swear. I will protect him. By any means necessary."

One more kiss, and only at a not-so-subtle throat clearing from Withers did Tav part from Gortash.

The dark eyes that had given her so many looks over the past few years focused on her own with an expression she had only ever seen once before: painful longing.

Gortash held Cald closely for another moment more before shutting his eyes and beginning to curl inward, holding Cald close one last time. Whispering something she could not hear.

Tav nodded, and took Cald from his bare hands once her husband's grip relaxed again. It was so strange to see him like this, without his gauntlet or rings. He looked a different man entirely without his adornments.

She then turned to Withers.

The air shimmered around them, and the ground shifted even as the sky did.

"Four people shall remember, including thyself." Withers looked impassively at her. "And thou shalt face the echoes of the Dead Three."

But won't I already? Tav thought.

----------------------------

Tav quietly joined the small crowd of goblins, making sure to avoid making eye contact with the rest of the party. That burst of rage had been hard to contain, but she'd managed it. Watching the woman walk about with her head intact at all was--

"O, yes, and soundless too," Volo burst out, "For you have stolen their buzzing, Antony, and very wisely threat before you sting."

"Villains, you did not so, when your vile daggers hacked one another in the sides of Caesar," Orin went on in a dramatic tone that Tav very much begrudgingly agreed was appropriate for the line, "You showed your teeth like apes, and fawned like hounds, and bowed like bondmen, kissing Caesar's feet; whilst damned Casca, like a cur, behind--"

Her eyes crossed Tav's as she turned (why was one blue and rimmed with gold?), and after a momentary cringe and grip at her temples--went on with the rest of the line.

(A momentary pulse of her own tadpole. A laugh that turned to a scream, and then to laughing again...and blood. So much blood.)

"--struck Caesar on the neck. O you flatterers!"

" Flatterers! Now, Brutus, thank yourself. This tongue had not offended so today, if Cassius might have ruled."

There was a dramatic pause, or at least a pause which was taken as one. Orin looked, confused and fearful, at Tav.

She stepped forward and spoke Octavius's lines. "Come, come, the cause: if arguing make us sweat, the proof of it will turn to redder drops. Look, I draw a sword against conspirators; When think you that the sword goes up again?"

Tav would rather the sword go up now. Up and through, tearing the woman before her limb from limb.

"Never, till Caesar's three and thirty wounds be well avenged; or till another Caesar have added slaughter to the sword of traitors."

Slaughter indeed. After more torment of that which had been dealt to the woman before her in the past. It would not be enough to isolate Orin, steal her voice, break her will. Tav wanted nothing left to kill of this woman--

And yet from the look in Orin's eyes, was it the same woman? Or--no, it was an act. It had to be, the changeling was a practiced deceiver. This was another lie, something to bring down her defenses.

(In the back of her mind still, Ilmater's influence whispered to show mercy.)

Why? Tav thought angrily, Why should she live where my former friends died? Why should she thrive when she is the reason I lost everything?

As they approached--Orin wavered, Volo along with her, and the goblin before them looked at Tav and said, "Aw, ye broke 'em."

Then she looked back to the two.

"Back t'yer cage, both of you."

Yes...yes, a cage. That is where you belong. Tav kept her expression neutral as her eyes rested on Orin. There was no element of recognition in that face, only confusion, and perhaps fear too.

"Come along, my dear," Volo said to Orin, "If we cooperate, they shan't use their weapons."

"Maybe...I'd like it if they used their weapons..."

Orin paused, her line of sight left suddenly adrift. Her eyes glazed over, and on a reach Tav felt the urge for bloody violence that she had so often seen the woman employ before.

And then nothing.

"I'm quite sure you don't mean that," Volo said.

Orin snapped back to attention. "I was...I did it again, didn't I?"

Wordlessly, she obediently followed. It was such a strange sight, to see that face that had so often shown the world terror so meekly obey.

She is not the same woman, another part of her said, The same flesh, a different mind. And clearly she's been tadpoled.

Mercy, mercy, mercy. Ilmater's influence ran through her mind in waves. She was merciful to Gortash, who had his own atrocities, and she loved him despite them.

And, whispered another part of her, did not Orin's machinations give you the husband you loved so well in the first place? She shoved the thought back instantly. How terrible to even THINK such a thing! As if Astarion and Halsin were mere or a moment she was lost to the memory of standing there, watching that smirking face as it detailed the horrors it had put Astarion and Halsin through. How she had staked Astarion, skinned Halsin. How--

A hand at her elbow, the slight pull of which yanked her from the onrush.

"Sorry, Gale," she said, looking up suddenly, "...I've...seen that woman before. What she might be doing here is...is, I don't know."

"From what I just witnessed, you've more than seen her before."

Tav paled, and in a lower voice added the question, "What did you see?"

"Her, covered in blood. And you...despising the very sight of her." There was a pause. "Judging from the change in appearance, she must be a changeling, so I can well guess what sort of--"

"Please, say nothing more." Tav took a deep breath and decided to fudge things a little. "I know who and what she is, but...what you saw...it's only one of a number of possibilities. I get these visions now and then, but...I never know if what I see is certainly the future or not. I've seen her often enough engaged in killing that...listen, it's not important right now. We're not here for her. We're here for Halsin."

It was not difficult to see that Gale didn't quite believe her. To distract him, she reached into her bag and pulled out the ring of Color Spray.

"I was also fortunate enough to see that you would need this."

Gale gave her a slightly pained look and gave the speech he had given last time, about his need to consume magical items. She assured him it would be easy enough to keep his problem taken care of, and they proceeded forward.

I have to keep it together. I can't let an incident like that happen again, or they'll all figure it out. Strong emotion...the tadpole practically broadcasted it. I have to keep my emotions under better control. I have to--

Trinzas was up ahead, and Tav was quick to say she had an audience with the one in charge.

"Well. You ain't the first foreign type, I s'pose. Gonna 'ave to be a bit more specific though, mate. Absolute's got a few favorites around here. You 'ere to see Priestess Gut, Boss Ragzlin, or the drow?"

"The drow," Tav said quickly.

"Audience is right. She's an uppity one and no mistake, but she knows 'er business. She's in telling the warchiefs wot's wot. Next raid's gonna be a big 'un, I hear."

"Every next raid is always the big 'un." Where the joke had come from she did not know, but she moved on past and tried to ignore Priestess Gut as the party followed her. It seemed most around here had their own work to do. That was the same as it was last time, all these goblins scurrying about to get whatever they'd been tasked with done.

Good. At least one thing was certain here. She knew they'd have to rescue Volo, but that it would come with having to do so for Orin chafed. But Volo would later be valuable for a while as a merchant, so...

Deep breath.

"Let us not spend more time here than we have to," Shadowheart said.

"Oh, our dear leader will have us rescuing several goblins here, I'm sure." Astarion snarked.

Tav didn't respond.

"What about the man outside?" Cald asked. "He's not a warrior, he won't do well here. And the other woman too, but--"

"That fop?" Astarion went on. "You're right. They'll probably end up eating him, if your saintly mother doesn't get to him first."

The rest of the group said nothing.

Once more, she ignored him, and went on forward until they found Gribbo, guarding Volo and Orin, who were firmly locked in a cage.

"Don't go botherin' my pigeons! They're mine."

"And do you have plans for them?" Tav asked.

She looked past Gribbo. Orin happened to be looking up--once more she felt the tadpole stir. A new memory--Orin, her gut split open, trying to strangle someone above her. Fear. So much fear...and then confusion.

"Keep 'em safe, listen to 'em coo. 'Til I gets hungry or some such. What's it to ya?"

"Maybe I'd like one of my own."

"Then catch one on your own!"

"They look sick, you know. Weak. I don't think they'll last very long in there."

Gribbo seemed to consider it...and then said, "Take 'em for a jog, why don't you. And don't let the lads snatch 'em up. No tellin' what'll happen to 'em. And bring 'em back when they're all tuckered out. Here's the key. Pigeons all yours."

She left.

Tav opened the cage, and Volo came out first, leading Orin along behind him.

"Ha HA! Look at this, we are quite saved, my dear! I daresay the story of this drow's daring rescue of our persons will live on for aeons!"

Orin seemed to shrink back for a moment, but finally added, "Yes...thank you. I was sure they would..."

"In any case," Volo said, "Well met! I am--"

"I need no introduction to you, good sir," Tav gave a slight smile, "You are Volothamp Geddarm, realm-renowned author..."

"...auteur, and tastemaker. At your service." Volo gave an exaggerated bow. "Once I've written you into one of my books, there won't be a tavern in Faerun you can enter without receiving a hero's welcome! We mustn't tarry, but I'd hate for our friendship to end here. Please, won't you meet me, once we've both slipped the goblin yoke?"

"You and Orin both, I imagine."

Orin perked up. "Is that my name?"

"You don't remember?" Tav asked, restraining herself as best she could. "With your past one would think it would be difficult for you to lose any memory."

"Well...well, I..." Orin shook her head. "It's all very fuzzy...if it wasn't for Volo, I'd have struggled to find a way forward."

"Such a theatrical bent she has!" Volo praised, "With her shapechanging is added just that dash of--something. She is a talent the like of which I have not seen in years!"

The woman before her preened for a moment, clearly glorying in the compliment. But a dash of guilt followed.

"Perhaps I...I might journey with them now," Orin said. "Not that I am ungrateful for all your aid and company, sir, but--"

"But what, my dear?"

"But this lady seems to know who I am, and...I want to know who I was. What I was."

"Quite understandable," Volo said, "But I believe we shall meet again rather soon in any case."

"You can go to the camp my party has established, if you'd like. Perhaps this shall help you." Tav handed him a potion and when Volo looked confused, she added, "Invisibility. Only about a minute's worth, but enough to get you out safely."

Directions to the camp were then given.

"Smashing! Soon, my friend - soon we can share a flagon of something liquid and a tale of derring-do! I thank you, and I am certain my friend thanks you also."

A sip of the potion--and Volo was gone.

Tav then turned her attention back to Orin. The red outfit was nowhere in sight, neither were any weapons that she could see.

"I can help you," Orin said quickly, "Given my ability to shapeshift - you seem to know who I am, and if I have anyone looking for me, I want to know."

"You don't want that," Tav replied. She swallowed slightly. Mercy, mercy, mercy. "Unless you are as eager for blood as when I knew you before."

"She's not a vampire, that's for certain," Astarion said, "Her eyes are wrong, and...not that she has any hair, but..."

"Ch'k," Lae'zel added. "Does it matter what she is?"

"I don't know if anyone is looking for you exactly, but you're--"

"Is this the Bhaalspawn?"

It was Cald who spoke up then.

"Bhaalspawn? Me?" There was a pause, and then a repeat of that blank look from before. And then, much quieter, "That explains so much..."

"I can tell you more but not until we've taken care of the goblins. Understand? Help us out and I'll help you. Now--what sort of weapon are you going to need?"

"Daggers, if you have one," Orin replied, still in a quiet tone, "I've traveled with Volo for quite a...lengthy period, and should we find my pack, wherever they've taken it, I can reward you."

Putting a weapon in her hands...

She had to know. She couldn't risk the danger.

Tav reached forward with the tadpole, to connect with the one in Orin's head, searching for intent. She pushed forward, even when she saw the woman cringing.

There was no lie. She intended them no danger, but beneath the surface there was a definite bloodthirst...a bloodthirst, Tav realized, that Orin found frightening.

She pulled back, reeling, unsure of what more to say or do, so she went right to practicality. "Lae'zel, have we any light armor handy? A dagger?"

"I have a leather jerkin," Lae'zel replied, drawing the armor out and handing it over, "But no daggers."

Tav searched through her bags, and came up with one at last, before giving it to Orin once the armor was on.

"I'll be keeping my eyes on you," Tav said, still struggling internally.

"I mean you no harm."

I wish I could believe that. I saw it with my own mind and I still can't trust it.

"Now," Tav said, "Let us go on, and see if we can't find Halsin before the night's out."

And before I lose what's left of my mind.

------------------------------------

The answer as to why Karlach and Wyll had not been seen was given the moment they entered the worg pen room. In the other pen, where the worgs would have been, both of them sat, looking much worse for wear.

And in the other pen, as expected--

"See? It squealed!"

"Hit it again!"

"Keep yer hand steady, Three."

Three hurled another rock, and the bear gave a growl.

Tav waited and drank down a Potion of Animal Speaking. Astarion and Lae'zel both gave her questioning glances, and she gave a 'wait' gesture.

"What in the hells are you doing?" she finally spoke up.

"They're throwing rocks at it, mama," Cald said.

"We're juicing it up. The beast came in here with those robbers. Killed Dink...and Mince too. Boss's thinking of serving it to the worgs."

"And it makes funny noises!"

"Keep doing that and he'll give you a taste of your own medicine. That's the thing about bears," Tav said, walking closer to the cage. "Let me see the state he's in, then you can say whether or not you're making good progress."

She looked at the bear and before she could even open her mouth it spoke, "Stop them. Free me."

Tav took in a sharp breath.

It was like a warhammer had come crashing down on her chest--for a moment she wasn't there, in front of the cage door, she was--

None of them remember me.

Another pain.

Fear not, dear mouse. I remember you.

Tav swallowed, stood straight, forced herself back into place, and whispered, "Leave the children alive. But the rest..."

The bear growled, but gave a slight nod. It raised its head, and charged.

---------------------------------

Not until after they'd taken care of the goblins in the room did Tav feel brave enough to approach the other pen.

Orin had proved herself quite useful in the fight, with a wordless melody from her lips that rendered the goblin children asleep and then slashing the one worg and pack of goblins that followed in after the noise. She was currently busying herself healing wounds--and never had Tav found herself so confused. She supposed this must be proof of Orin's amnesia, yet--yet despite the evidence she could not turn off the paranoia.

Behind her the hyena stood happily gnawing a goblin leg bone. It was a good time to check on Wyll and Karlach. Now, in clearer light, she could see the horns.

Thank the gods.

"We really have to stop meeting like this," she said, when Wyll looked up, "You keep getting yourself in trouble and needing rescue. I thought it was you meant to save the damsels?"

"Yeah, well, we overestimated ourselves, didn't we, soldier?" Karlach asked, giving Wyll a weak punch in the shoulder. "And you...we're glad you showed up. He was sure we'd be able to slip in and get them one by one, but..."

"But...we got caught fairly quickly," Wyll gave a slight smile. "Thank you again."

Karlach looked up at Tav and for a moment hope rose--

--but then sank again.

"Thanks, really. We've been in here too long."

I should be glad she doesn't remember, Tav thought, What good would Karlach remembering do me?

She quickly cast Goodberry and handed each of them a berry. "We've got other food back at camp...but this'll fill you up fine."

The supply chest nearby held not only Orin's gear, but Karlach's and Wyll's as well, and as everyone was getting themselves sorted, Tav looked back to the two goblin children. Her plan was to keep them asleep until camp was made, and then...she would sort them, one way or another. It was something to look forward to to keep herself busy. After all, it wasn't as if she'd be spending time with anyone the night of the tiefling party, she needed SOMETHING to think about.

Besides Cald, of course, but she was hoping he'd be busy spending time with some of the tieflings his age. Perhaps he'd be a good influence on them...or they'd be a bad influence, but she was confident enough in him that he'd not take to the kind of rapscallion behavior that the little ones displayed.

"Are you seriously going to let them live?" Astarion asked suddenly, indicating the goblin children, "Those nasty little monsters will probably gut us as soon as look at us."

"Like you would have?"

"Are you going to hold that against me forever, darling?"

"They'll listen to someone stronger than them," Tav replied, "And they're children. They can be taught better."

"I understand charity as it relates to children, given who you serve," Gale was the next to speak, "But..."

"I don't need to let them have access to any weapons. Lae'zel, I'm sure you can keep them in line--"

"Excuse me."

Halsin's voice sounded off, and Tav turned as she took in and let out a deep breath.

No light of recognition. No smile. Nothing.

She expected, as she had on seeing Astarion, to feel loss, sorrow, longing, but not outright physical pain.

"I beg your pardon for the viscera. One should cherish all of nature's bounty, but goblin guts are quite far down the list." Then a pause, and he added, "You aided a bear without knowing if it would savage you? A true friend of nature - or perhaps a lunatic."

"A little of both, I suppose," Tav made a weak joke. "I am a druid but I devote myself also to the teachings of Ilmater...hence why I spared the children. They might be inclined to appreciate nature's gifts with a little of Ilmater's mercy. But...I've gone on long enough."

"I must admit," Halsin said, "I didn't expect anyone would come to my aid. Who in their right mind would infiltrate a goblin infested temple. Unless..."

A pause.

"Oak Father preserve you, child...you're infected, aren't you? The mindflayers' spawn."

Tav merely nodded. A new thought came forward, one she scrambled to clutch at. She had had the tadpole for more than a decade now. More than six years in this...time. How had it not taken her yet?

But it hadn't done anything yet, and didn't seem likely to do so either, so she continued to listen to Halsin. The others needed to hear this.

(In the back of her mind was a desperate scrabbling panic of a thought: please, remember me. But no relief would come. Halsin looked at her unknowing and no amount of telling herself 'it is better this way' would soothe the ache. She felt like a pane of glass, struck, broken, but still holding its shape from the frame.)

"But...something's different. You're aware of the monster inside you. You don't bow to the Absolute, like the True Souls do."

"We were told...that you might be able to...heal the damage, so to speak," Tav replied.

"He can?"

"I've been studying these parasites for a while now," Halsin went on, "Ever since I discovered these so called True Souls are infected with them. Someone is using very powerful magic to modify these tadpoles. They are using them to exert control over the infected."

Shadowheart, Tav saw in her peripheral vision, perked up slightly at that.

"I'm assuming you've not found any way to halt or cure these...this situation," Tav replied, "Everyone here is infected...save for my son, thank the gods."

She saw Cald, standing close by, looking up with curious eyes at Halsin. Questions burned in his eyes, unbothered by the situation around them. She had already told him, after all, what would come. Or maybe he was simply in awe of the man due to his height.

"I can't undo that magic, which means I can't cure you. But that doesn't mean I can't help. I didn't find what I came here for - a way to remove the tadpoles - but I found the next best thing. I found out where they come from. That must be where there their enchantments are placed on them, and it's where you'll find your cure."

Halsin went on to explain about Moonrise Towers, and offered to go with them - but insisted that matters with the goblins and at the Grove be settled first.

"Of course," Tav said, "I went there first, but...it didn't go well. Kagha set her snake on a child for stealing the idol of Silvanus, but I understand a childish fear may drive one to do things they wouldn't normally...and the little one would have died had I not been there to save her."

Halsin's fury rose immediately. "A child--a child. I trusted Kagha, and she spills the blood of an innocent--"

"She was more interested in keeping the so called undesirables than she was about--" Tav took a deep breath. "We need to hurry and finish off the goblins now we have you out and...relatively safe. Unless you need something to eat, in which case--"

"I can create my own food, if need be...I suppose I could eat goblin, but...that flesh is less sweet than other game I could sink my teeth into. I imagine any food you've laid hands on would serve you better. I wouldn't dream of taking from a mother if I can avoid it."

"It's no hardship--"

Protests from Lae'zel came about the idea of going to Moonrise Towers, from Astarion about yet more helpless folk to free...

"Well, I'll be happy to lend a hand, however I can," Wyll said, "Twice now you've saved me, that's a debt I mean to repay."

"And me, if the story the famous Blade of Frontiers has told is true. I wouldn't have my head right now if it weren't for you." Karlach gave a grin, and hefted her axe up and onto her shoulders. "I'm glad to have another shot...something good to fight for. And given this situation with the goblins--"

Tav took several shaky breaths. "I want to spare any children we might find, unless they give us no other option. The adults...I am certain will not."

Lae'zel, strangely, was the only one not to protest this time. Orin, noting everyone's tiredness, began to sing--a tune of swashbuckling and romance--and then, suddenly, they all felt better.

"A...a talent of mine," she said, when given a confused set of looks. "Volo says a true bard can accomplish feats of magic with an instrument...but the only one I need is my voice."

"I imagine that will be quite useful to us, considering," Gale said, "Bhaalspawn or not, the weave--"

Tav started to say that if she didn't stop him now he'd go on about the weave all night. But she knew if she did, he'd start wondering...suspecting. They all would.

She moved away from the group, and toward the door.

So much to keep track of, so many of them to guide. And with her foreknowledge Tav felt all the weight of it on her shoulders.

I would be happy to lift it for you, came Raphael's voice.

She ignored it, but that did not stop the hallucination--for clearly, that was what it was--from going on.

Let yourself be relieved of this burden you bear, mouse...

Deep breath.

"We should get moving," Karlach said, "Hit 'em while they still think you're their allies."

"The lesser ones will probably be easy," Tav said, "But the leaders--we should get the drow first."

Mercy

Why this one? I spared Orin. Why should I spare the leader of the whole lot? Presumably someone who--

Mercy

Orin she didn't want hanging around anyway, but begrudgingly Tav was realizing she'd have to tolerate the woman's presence. But the drow? What use could she be? She shoved the thought aside, and kept them moving forward.

Quickly, quietly, they took down several enemies, managed to avoid an alarm being raised or anyone running for help, as she'd feared might happen when they finished off the group in the worg pen room.

She'd dropped into a crouch to peer around the corner at the drow, when suddenly, she tripped and fell forward. Scrambling to her feet, Tav reached for her weapon the second she noticed the drow woman's eyes on her.

"We--we were told to see you--" she stumbled in voice for a moment, and fully intended to tell the group to hurry forward and finish the woman and her little goblin friend off. But something stopped her. Her hand refused to raise the sword, to strike.

The drow walked forward, eyes wide, voice almost shaking.

"Zes'diira," came the hushed tone, "It is you."

"I'm sorry, who?" Tav asked. "Who do you mean?"

The look that crossed the drow's face then was one Tav had made many times in the past six years.

One of heartbreak.

--------------------

Author's Note: Minthara is not the person Withers means, this is something else.

[leohtttbriar]

🛼🍄🔪🦷🦋🦴🏜️🍬☁️🧩 (lol I know this is a lot, whatever piques your interest!!)

heyyyy!

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

here's a kiradax one that i'm not sure i'll ever finish for reasons but i yet have the urge to write: 🙏😩💦🌊🪱

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

so i really like t'pring/uhura because i think there's a sort of quietness to them that remains steely and resolved. just looking at how the characters function in the show, it's easy to see how they had so much oomph for their moment while being the kinds of characters now that few people notice or pay attention to. like, for uhura it's nearly impossible to find any content in fan spaces that's about her alone, despite her being a big main character in snw; which probably just speaks to misogyny and racism but also might have something to do with the fact that the character was written to do a lot of watching/listening originally and people don't know how to interpret that. but despite her lack of real character-attention, she gets so many moments where she sets her jaw and does her duty but also does what she thinks is right (also nichols did a very good job of implying this full person in the character of uhura, even if the show was so rarely focused on it). and t'pring has like ten seconds total of dialogue in tos but she's still so in control the entire episode she's in, in charge of the lives of several people, and we simply cannot be mad at her for it because she's right and logical and doing the only thing she can to ensure she is free to choose.

all that being said: my head canon for this pairing is that they aren't enormously expressive, that they're dutiful and bound to each other in this really quiet way, that they grow together sort of privately, keep each other to themselves, and that even when they're standing side-by-side you can't tell what they are to each other. part of that is me just really enjoying vulcan logic and non-expressive emotion. but part of it is extrapolating based on their characters in the show and how they didn't have to be shouting to be heard or seen. the story kind of honored them in the way the story knew how to do at the time.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

necessary components of a crop-yielding soil

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

personal wisdom: sometimes it's easier to capture a monstrous wasp on your kitchen counter if you call your mom and just have her on the phone while you do it

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

i've been thinking a lot about a quote from stephen jay gould, as he was describing the work of people who had first started to put together the geological time scale and history. i can't remember the exact quote, can't find it anywhere, and i lost the book but it went something like:

"not for the first time, or the last, scientific discovery was achieved not by clever thinking but by careful doing."

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

bridge of spies, dir. by steven speilberg.

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

lol i love all comments, truly. they're all precious. i guess i love most the comments from people who love the characters as much as me.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

my most unpopular opinions are about winn adami but i wouldn't call her a popular fandom character. my unpopular opinion is that she should be.

another unpopular opinion that i've probably heavily implied a few times but maybe never outright said: odo is an annoying character, to me. he just seems like the best expression for a lot of mid-90s male anxieties/ennui that i find uninteresting. i think odo is conceptually worth so much but the character fails to carry it in a way that convinces. he was confronted with the wrong people too often. one of the only times he was confronted with the right person was with lwaxana troi but, alas, she was not by his side for all seven seasons.

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

my first username was leohtebewunden which is old english for "bound/wound by/with light" which is a pretty image and also i need sunlight So Much. but that was long so i shortened it but then i was reminded of the word "briar" in a poem randomly and added it to my username bc i love it. it's a good word.

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

if the punctuation/grammar is just really wrong. that's less to do with me being there are proper ways to do things! and more like if you've read a lot of books, you would probably know how punctuation works without having to think too much about it. it's like banning brown m&ms in your rider.