#i swear im alive and i still draw sometimes
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myossssss · 9 months ago
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shin megami tensei iv fanarts in 2024...... sorry for being late to the party guys
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elfsyellowflowerzart · 2 months ago
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i didnt like how the full sketch came out but i like this astarion face so take this crop
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s4hfeia · 3 months ago
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sometimes i just sit in my room and stare out the window, wondering if thats all there is. my seventeen year old sisters been drawing and sketching since she was little. its like she got this magic ability to capture every tiny memory, every emotion shes feeling, and turn it into something beautiful on paper. i swear to god, the talent that girl has is out of this world and believe me i love her from all my heart, i really do, but i cant help but feel jealous. jealous that she found her thing, jealous, that she can have something to hold onto, something to do to feel alive when every thing else feels like its spinning out of control.
but me? im just sitting in my room, existing.
every day feels the same. i wake up, go to school, act like im interested in things i have no idea about, come back home, watch tv, and go to sleep. its like im floating around, without any idea in what direction to go. i just wish i had that too. a passion, or a purpose, even. something that makes me feel like im not just drifting away, wasting time. i need to find my spark, have something that makes me excited to wake up in the morning, but im scared i never will. and i dont know how to handle the idea that maybe there is nothing special waiting for me.
at first, i tried to tell myself that thats okay, i mean, everyone moves at their own pace, right? but no, seriously, im really scared. im scared that i wake up one day and realise that i spent my whole life waiting for something thatll never come. maybe its silly worrying about this right now, but its so hard not to when everyone always keeps asking me what i want to do, who i want to be, where i see myself in the future. how am i supposed to have those answers when i dont even know something as simple as my favourite color?
when i told my sissy about this she said that theres still time to figure it out, but it doesnt feel like that when everyone around you seems to have it all together. i keep hoping that one day, ill just know. itll all make sense and ill fing my thing. but until then, ill be sitting in my room, staring out the window, wondering if this is all there is.
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solarisii · 5 months ago
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It's okay to be sad, angry, afraid, depressed. And it's okay to talk about and vent those feelings. Don't let uounir anyone else say you're a burden or being annoying by discussing your feelings. Anyone who says that isn't worth your time.
Thank you so much. It's just difficult ya? Like I don't want to hurt, scare anyone away, trigger anyone else, and/or like you said (and I've said before) be a burden or be annoying. A good number of my problems are still happening/reoccurring so it also just feels like every vent is basically the same.
Part of my vents honestly I think is just to be heard and understood by folks. Despite my own communication difficulties.
And uuuhhhh sorry, this in and of it's self kinda became a vent below so...
I'm trying my best but all of my best has felt like it's been chipped away. I'm depressed, chronically anxious both generally and socially, feeling useless and like a burden because I can't work and recently I haven't even been able to make much art. Feeling like a failure in my transition because I think I maybe on too low of a dose but am too afraid to ask and that i have basically haven't been able to present differently like 99% of the time. On top of that years of low-key abuse came to a very explosive point a couples years ago and that scrambled everything harder. And I've had some bad doc experiences, with one as a teen telling me I'd be dead by 30 and it's hard to shake that being 30 now. Really feeling that running out of time. With my most recent appointment talking about some of my failings with my own health has the endless repeating thought of "I'M GOING TO DIE IM GOING TO DIE IM GOING TO DIE SOON FROM EITHER MEDICAL OR FASCISM" which isn't a great thought , let alone me being crammed in-between the thought of how I should just die.
And there's things that like logically I know but for some reason I can't use/implement anymore. Like apologizing too much and rewording it to be thank you. I just can't anymore it feels like such a lie because I am so sorry for bother someone or sometimes just for existing. Or not using words like failure(failure is a step not a permanent point or affliction), burden(that's just being, it comes with existing), or useless (by who's standards) to describe myself but like I don't have other words to describe these feeling and thoughts eating through me.
Then there's the basics of like Get exercise! (makes me actively suicidal, idk why), Get good and consistent sleep! (I've literally never been able to), Eat well!(I don't have an excuse for this I just fucking suck at it). I'm in therapy and I've gone through like 8 meds, each one/combo taking weeks to try and only for it to sometimes just make everything almost worse. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if there's something wrong with my brain to make that many not work but.
I'm so so so so tired I'm in both physical and emotional pain, and have been hopeless for months now. I'm trying my best I swear I am. Right now I'm stuck just trying to get through each day and stay alive. I AM sad I AM angry I AM afraid and I AM depressed. I just wanna be a happy weird dog girl who play video games, draws, and has wonderful times with her friends who is atleast somewhat understood. I want it so bad.
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ritoryb · 1 year ago
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hiiiii im still alive my overcomplicated fanfiction (comic) comes back to haunt me every night. well this is more a personal post than an art post so i guess ill put it under a cut. it's like three pages which is basically nothing but what can i do im a busy man
other than that ill go right back to painting something again bc man it feels like it's been a while
you can send feedback if ya want :3 thats actually p much the only reason im making this post since i haven't set up a viewer for this yet. because i don't know how to write or draw comics i just slap whatever i can together and hope it works
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uhhhhh i have little else to say. well it starts well before canon (around 10 years) and i should probably clarify i'm not really copying berserk beat by beat im just mildly too into dark knight/berserker imagery wow symbolism or something AAAAHHHHHHH by the way this probably won't be exceptionally gory either but at least more violent than my paintings i guess bc i don't frequently draw gore… yea…
well sometimes i wonder if this is too ambitious but then again it feels pretty nice to just while away at this while i go through the motions of uni again... i like doing things a bit at a time :3
also galea and alvis have a pretty bad relationship here to start with if you're confused by why these panels are so awkward. it gets better though i swear. in like four years of comic drawing time. a bunch of other details about the history of the world are different but that will come up later! don't worry about it!
fran's probably not reading this but thanks for talking to me about this kind of :'3 id be struggling to write this post alone without you
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chaosandthe-deadblog · 2 years ago
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hello hi i have not been alive for too long but here's my undefinitive guide on how to live and not feel miserable in the process by someone way too young to tell you how to do it, okay? okay (aka collection of advice i've been given that i want to share)
take all this with a grain of salt. i might wake up and think totally different tomorrow
love isn't what makes us human. however, i do think creating is. draw poorly. write shitty poetry. knit horrible sweaters. you have been tricked into thinking your creations are only worthy if they are good but that is a lie. make art.
you've heard of this before but quit the suicide jokes. a well timed "im going to kill myself" is funny from time to time, but your brain internalizes that stuff.
even if you don't have any close friends hang out with people. we're social creatures and we're meant to socialize (i know, it sucks.) but like i hate to admit it but i started having a better time in class after i stopped worrying whether people liked me or not and just started talking to them
things are meant to be used! candles are meant to be burned! clothes are meant to be worn! don't wait for that special time if you really want to use something. overdress light that scented candle use the fancy dishes when you're eating pizza drink out of wine glasses
not to sound like your grandpa but get off your phone. (im yet to fully master this one) im serious. i went on a walk the other day (i never do that) and i maybe looked at my phone twice. sometimes you ARE too much time on that damn phone and i swear to god today i made a commitment to try not to look at my social media feeds too much and i was in a good mood all day
the nicest thing you can do for someone in my opinion is give them food
be nice to strangers, also. i personally am planning on drawing portraits for people on the street and gifting them to them. my little way of putting joy into the world :)
never ever ever EVER apologize for being passionate about something. bitter people will tell you its embarassing but its a trap. love is never embarassing. be annoying about your interests
this one is a little weird i think. i keep a journal. every day i try to write at least One Nice Thing about my day. just one. it can be as small as "i saw a nice tree today" but it makes me realize no time is wasted even if i technically did nothing all day, i still lived to see a cool tree. which brings me to my next point
productivity is a capitalist invention. seriously. we don't live to produce. this is just to say you are not alive to be productive. i don't recommend scrolling endlessly and mindlessly either. just, i don't know, it's okay to not be productive all the time
when you feel lost you will always have music and movies and shows
sometimes all you can do in the face of grief is fold a shirt. watch a movie. go to sleep and wake up the next day.
we should all be at least a TINY BIT cringy about something
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hydeaways · 5 years ago
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Sketchy sketches of some other folks Hydes
@fox-guardian @colethetoon @theadraws16
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hollyhomburg · 4 years ago
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Reasons Wretched and Divine (Pt. 7)
(Hybrid au) (YoonMinJoon x Reader) (Mafia au) 
Summary: After years of abuse, you’ve all finally found each other. But for one of you- the fear still lingers, hidden in the shadows. Yoongi doesn’t want much, just a few more weeks, but he only has until the end of the summer. 
Parings: Snake hybrid! Yoongi x Dog hybrid! Jimin x Dog hybrid! Namjoon x Pregnant! Reader, Platonic Vmin, allusions to 2seok, 
Genre: Hybrid au, Polyamory au, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Pregnancy, Mafia au
Tags:  Domestic abuse, references to sexual abuse- and choosing to have sex even though you’ve been through sa, physical abuse, polyamory negotiations, Post-traumatic stress disorder, mute characters, brief gore at the end, pregnant m/c, frottage, marking kink, fingering, oral f. receiving, Voyeurism, exhibitionism, implied death but dont worry I do not write MCD!!!!
A/n: just for posterity's sake! i was drunk when i posted this! enjoy! full gangbang comes in (y/n) next chapter! (oh god im going to hell).
W/c: 10.5k
Song Rec: Like Real People do ~ Hozier
~ Series Masterlist ~
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2 Years Earlier
-  If Jeon Jungkook where so esoterically inclined, he would write a book on how he had become the most dangerous man in the underworld. It would be a short book though; because Jungkook had only 2 rules for himself. The first was to always get up after he’d been hit during a fight (even if it took him a second) and the second was to know when to mind his own business. 
- Jungkook was always able to get up after being hit, Even when he’d been a street kid, with not a penny to his name and a whole lot of anger in his mouth. ready to spit vitriol at anyone who would pause and listen. He’d always been able to get up. The pain giving him a kind of sick clarity that he eventually sought out instead of tried to escape. Jungkook could never think as clearly as he did during a fight; or when he was in pain. And that was probably because of his father. 
- But whatever. That man was 6 feet under, (his mother on the other hand- no- that bitch certainly had more than one dept to pay still). He didn’t have a lot of time or energy to put into dealing with that particular trauma (why he honestly felt like sometimes- he liked being hit). Most of his energy went into staying alive. Even now- when living and surviving teetered on the same edge. Jungkook had more pressing matters to tend to than dealing with his own fragile mind. 
- The way he would get up and hop around for a second to soak in the clarity after being hit during a scuffle was one of the reasons why he’d been given his street name: The Playboy Bunny; further set in stone with his tattoo of the same moniker under his left eye. A cheekbone he’d tap and say “you want to hit me? why don’t you try your luck and see how well it turns out for you.” 
- He was doing reconnaissance, Sneaking around the back alley with his hood up and his glasses on- disguising his black eye that was sure to get more than a few looks from passers-by. The ears of the playboy bunny tattoo peeking out over the top of his mask. 
- He keeps his eyes on the crowd waiting for some sort of handoff- to see anything at all. But he’d lost his target through the crowd and has no drive to find them in the dizzying rush of people and umbrellas. Not yet. Not when the hum of addiction lurks in his veins. 
- Jungkook pauses lighting a cigarette, when a commotion to the side hidden around a corner- blurs his concentration. The world snapping back into focus when he sinks his fingernails into his palm. Terse voices. A couple fighting in the alleyway perpendicular to his. 
- Minding his own business was a particular skill of his- it took one kind of person to know when to step in, and another to know which problems weren't worth the headache. And unless it involved the acquisition money or some step therein, it wasn’t a problem worth getting into in Jungkook’s opinion.
- But Jungkook can’t stop his ears from hearing snippets of conversation, a low and angry male voice. The sound of a smack. “You just had to embarrass me like that, didn’t you? First, you come out dressed like a slob and then you act like a fucking whore- I swear if I see you give eyes to another man this week I'll beat you five ways to Sunday”
- The sound of a soft female voice, so quiet- almost indistinguishable from the pouring rain, “I wasn’t-” another smack.
- Jungkook has been hit so many times he knows the sound of it, the ragged gasp the woman lets out, also quite- like even the pain takes up too much space. 
- His body starts to move before his mind thinks it through as he gives up position in favor of investigating the noise. There he sees it, ivy growing up the wall next to the back exit of some restaurant. A woman, small crouching in front of a grotesque man. A baggy coat buttoned tight around her small form. hair swept back in a tight bun. Red lipstick smudged. Though you check your hands and think its blood for a moment before you remember you’re wearing it. 
- Jungkook waits for a moment before he watches you stand on shaky legs. you get up. 
- The rest of the underworld might be old grudges and blood feuds but Jungkook was only here to be a businessman. He didn’t have time for ego and arrogance, let alone time for altruism... 
- Usually. 
- He looks on for a moment, too sluggish without nicotine, but Jungkook’s lingering stare almost seems to spur the man on. He’s wearing a jacket with a military patch, a badge; some sort of congratulation for service done no doubt. and Jungkook feels his distaste for the man deepen. 
- “What you looking at punk?” he slurs. Stalking forward as if to shove Jungkook. He almost wants to tut- that would be an expensive action. Jungkook wonders if the man is maybe high or drunk or both. He’s has had his fair share of experience with junkies and he knows one when he sees one. 
- “Nothing, just a pig beating his girlfriend.” The man settles for shoving Jungkook back. And Jungkook lets him. You don’t look up, don’t do anything but lean to the side, like the brick wall is the only thing keeping you up. Jungkook sees the back of your hand, black and blue, the other bruises on your neck. You only make eye contact with him once. Just slightly. Barely in passing.  
- You look like Jungkook used to look. He remembers in the savage bite of an open-handed slap- the fear he sees in your eyes. He looks and looks. And it aches so viscerally as Jungkook watches you go, your hurt echoes through him. You look beaten down and broken like Jungkook used too; before he’d decided he was done taking punches from people who were supposed to love him- Were supposed to care. 
- (Before he realized life wasn't supposed to hurt) 
- He’s never been one to feel things for other people, the empathy sparing him through most of the suffering he’s seen. It’s not that he’s unfeeling; it’s just that Jungkook’s life has forced him to feel concerned only for himself and no one else. His own survival is his first priority; Not others. 
- He watches you walk away, And you don’t look back at him. Rushing to keep up with your husband's steps. He waits until you disappear into the crowd before he lifts his phone to his ear and makes a call. “Hey, I need you to flag all of the cars that leave the parking lot, they’re just a couple, should be coming to you soon.”
- Jeon Jungkook had become the most powerful man in the underworld because of two reasons; by being able to take punches, and by knowing when to mind his own business. 
- But For this, Jungkook thinks he can make an exception.
- (You won't remember meeting Jeon Jungkook, but Jungkook will always remember you).
~.~
Now
-It comes as no surprise that your little speech fades after a few days and the rest of the hybrids quick to return to treating Yoongi with a mix of disdain and fear. Though mostly- this seems to be caused by Minhyung's group and the other canine hybrids. Namjoon hears them whispering about ‘favoritism’ before they catch on that he’s listening in. And in the days following your impromptu departure from the farm, you find people quiet even further whenever Yoongi's brought up. Staring when Yoongi comes close, afraid to interact with him.
- Even Jimin is greeted mostly with silence from all but a few. The bunny hybrids don’t act so skittish anymore, and the cat hybrids could care less used to sticking to their own group. Taehyung seems to have encouraged the other bear hybrids to make an actual effort and they at least say hello now. It’s better than the derisive comments of the dog hybrids, or the snooty noses stuck high in the air of the dear hybrids and other exotic breeds. 
- They know Jimin is close to Yoongi and Namjoon, and now he feels even more like an outsider that before (somehow it doesn't matter as much as before). The only ones who don’t act overtly different are the new hybrids; Hoseok and the small lion hybrid. but They were never around to learn how to hate Yoongi in the first place.
- it's a little cute- the way that Hoseok will always shout Yoongi's name in greeting (though you're unsure if that's just his personality now that he's started to grow into himself). Hoseok is unbothered by Yoongi's reaction; to shy away from anything that will draw more attention to himself. But Hoseok's smile is so bright and elastic that even he has a hard time ignoring the otter hybrid. You hope there will be a friendship there eventually, that yoongi will open up to more than just your group. 
- The little lion kit is a new addition too, she's not the only young feline hybrid you have at the farm but she is the friendliest. She gets pretty close to the other cats that work in the kitchen almost instantly. Probably on account of her young age (she's barely 7) and the eldest cat hybrid seems to be particularly fond of the little one.
- She's curious and kind to Yoongi too- excitedly running up to him more than once to show him a little rock or some flower she found- and yoongi will marvel and nod, and if Jimin is near- he'll lean close and tell her how pretty it is. 
- She doesn't seem at all deterred by Yoongi's lack of voice. one day she even sees Jimin, her ears perking up excitedly, tail swishing. "Hello Yoonies voice!" it's a little cute- even if it does make yoongi splutter a little. But she's not exactly wrong; Jimin does talk for yoongi more these days. 
- She Always comes bounding up to you and giggling happily to be picked up. Her little legs stretching around your waist, small bottom sat atop your baby bump. Making you get the kind of look that makes Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin sigh and look impossibly fond. They can only imagine what you’re going to be like once your little one is born. Your due date is barely 2 months away.
- In truth- you’re starting to get a little bit big. You say it one morning with Namjoon. After he asks you why you’re looking into the mirror with such a displeased expression. The sound of your terse voices alerts Yoongi and he comes to the door to your bedroom to witness your spat. Making a flippant hand movement at Namjoon to back off. Namjoon could smell your distress on you when you looked in the mirror, his voice tense but breaking. “Baby just tell me, why you think you’re not beautiful like that? let me understand. Cuz to me- you look more irresistible every day.”
- It’s not that you exactly wanted him to agree with you that you were nearing the size of a whale- but this doesn’t help at all either. His unending insistence- doesn’t he see? when he looks in the mirror doesn’t he see what you do? His instance that everything is alright doesn't help when you’re feeling this self-conscious.
- Yoongi helps you, fiddling with Namjoon’s closet for a second before he pulls out an extra-large white shirt of his and helps you into it- tying it loosely over your baby bump so that it flatters your waist a little more. The attention that Yoongi shows you clearly making you flustered. Then he drags you to the mirror, tugging your hair out of its bun, the tension going out of your shoulders.
- Yoongi doesn’t know it, but Namjoon does. Your late husband used to always be so particular about your hair, yanking on it harshly if it was left down. and An easy way to avoid him yanking on it was to leave it up. And sometimes you still pull it up convinced it’s safer even though he’s dead and gone. It’s scary how simple it is- but the second your hair comes down your whole body relaxes.
- All the while Namjoon watches from your bed. And you take in yourself, the baby hairs free-floating against your forehead; Yoongi curls one gently around his finger and then lets it go. You take in the way that the fabric hangs now, making you look a little more proportional, Yoongi gives you a satisfied smile behind your back and you have to sigh and admit it. “Okay- okay- I’ll give you this- I’m not a whale”
- “And even if you where you’d be a pretty whale.” Yoongi has the good sense to hurl a pillow in Namjoon’s direction, but it makes you laugh all the same- the heaviness in your chest abated a little. Your sleeve brushing Yoongi’s as you head downstairs, Namjoon trailing behind.
- The beach trip was a nice distraction from chores but the real work comes crashing down on them the next few days. Your little group feels closer than ever, you rarely part from any of them for long and their intention, their little acts of care never fail to make you feel flustered and taken care of.
- Jimin always holds out a hand for you to take when you’re stepping over uneven ground, Yoongi makes a startled noise whenever you so much as get close to a hose that might trip you, always gesturing for you to pause and take a break whenever you’re working in the garden. Namjoon too, always running back and forth from whatever project he’s working on to check on you and make sure you have water or food.
- At night, Namjoon takes your stretch mark cream from you, rubbing down your baby bump and your hips, the little lines of lighter skin on your waist get little kisses from him.  
- Even if you want just a snack, Namjoon and Yoongi will bring you a full meal- convinced that you need to be eating more than you are. At dinner Yoongi fills up your plate- piling it high with more food then you could fit in your already crowded tummy. And he always eyes you suspiciously when you can’t finish the full plate. Namjoon too will level you with a look- asking if you really are full. 
- Since your pregnancy has progressed, you’ve become a little moodier, and a little hornier whenever way the wind blows. And Namjoon doesn’t help that much at all- and by that you mean, he makes it worse. When he comes out of the field with his shirt off and tucked into his shorts all of his thickness, his muscles that make you ravenous. 
- During lunch one day he drags you away to a forgotten tool shed, though it would be easier just to go up the hill to your bedroom- you feel like teenagers sneaking around like this. 
- Namjoon presses into you as he hits the latch on the door, muffling your giggles with kisses as you hide from the hybrids outside, voices that you can dimly hear, unable to pick out any one particular yet- but you know they're there. 
- You and Namjoon might bicker like an old married couple. But you also act like teenagers gooey and giggly and so so so in love. “Do you think that they can hear you like this? Or smell you, my love?” Namjoon is always quick to tell you how delectable you smell when you’re horny. His more sensitive nose-picking it up the second you feel a slickening between your thighs.
- You’re shaky when you respond. “I don’t know, maybe?” Namjoon always has this passionate intense air about him. He’s slightly possessive- but you’d never fault him for that not when it’s all about protecting and providing for you. Not when he always puts your pleasure first (you feel like you may have turned into a slight pillow princess with him). 
- Namjoon heaves you up onto the edge of a bench and then gets on his knees. Gently lifting your leg over his shoulder. He’s always mindful of how much you can move in your swollen state. He checks to make sure he’s not bending your hips in an uncomfortable way. 
- You put your hands back on the dusty bench to stabilize yourself as you lie back, Namjoon wastes no time in pressing his face close to your cunt and inhaling, His nose prodding at the thin fabric of your underwear. One of his ears caught on the hem of your dress. His fingers digging into the plushness of your thighs- so full and healthy it makes him hard in his pants. 
- He’s slow with the appreciation of your thighs and hips. Hands gripping and moving on to touch and feel like you have all the time in the world. But you hear voices outside the tool shed you’ve commandeered and you could just slip out and go back up to your house- but somehow you like this better. The thought of being discovered stirring an unsure heat in your stomach. 
- You can hear Taehyung's voice, and then- like a shock through your core- you hear Jimin’s. Namjoon can feel your jolt. And you realize- his sensitive ears must have known who it was before your own human ones did. He chuckles- teasing his fingers along the hem of your underwear, almost daring to slip inside.
- You almost whine when you think about what you’re being denied- the harsh pull of his fingers that you’re so addicted too, how thick his fingers and knuckles feel (almost as nice as his cock) when they pull out and push in.
- Yoongi and Namjoon have always had the most lovely hands, it’s strange that when Namjoon touches you- you think about Yoongi’s hands. The way you clench around his fingers at that has Namjoon’s tail wagging. "you're thinking about them aren't you," The way you clench around his fingers at that has Namjoon’s tail wagging. Because yeah; Yoongi and Jimin are apart of Namjoon’s pack too, and bonding and group sex are kind of the same thing to hybrids. You’d found that out the hard way when you’d found a group of cat hybrids all tangled together in the grass the other day.
- Namjoon is always so gentle with you because of your condition, but you find your hips jerking with want. His fingers still when he feels the way your wetness has spilled out the sides. His thumb pressed over your clit teasingly. “smell so good when you're like this So wet my love, are you thinking about them finding you like this?” 
- “Y-yes” you confess, and Namjoon growls, nipping at you through the fabric, the feel of his teeth brushing you, over the sensitive skin. The fabric cushioning the feeling, makes you almost gush, and you know you’ll be shakily legged by the time he lets you get down. And that he won’t let you get away from him until he’s taken care of you in this way, sated you in every sense of the word. 
- But he can also tell how shy you are, the heat under your skin at the thought of being discovered. always unsure how much of your dirty talk is a real want and not just something you like in theory. Namjoon knows the idea of sharing you with the others might seem like the most natural and hottest thing; to love you alongside them. but to you- a human, hybrid sex and hybrid bedroom dynamics aren't as given. 
- So he leans close, sliding your underwear down your legs slowly, letting you feel the heat of his palms on your skin. You're getting worked up a little too quickly, your heaving breaths needy. God damn pregnancy hormones you'd say if you could think beyond the plush feeling of his lips pressing a kiss to your clit. “Gotta clean you up for them, if they smelled you like this- then they’d know wouldn’t they?” 
- You prove Namjoons initial assumption wrong. “What if I-” you whisper- gasping quietly as Namjoon drags the fabric to the side and glides a delicate lick over your folds. “What if I want them to know?” the pleasure thrumming through your body as Namjoon licks up your slit. Namjoon stills, ears perked, eyes flashing in the half-light. The snarl against your cunt loud and echoic.
- The voices outside fall silent and Namjoon doesn't stop his ravenous licking no matter if you have to bite your lip to keep your noises in. One of your hands scrambling to pull at his hair and find something to grip onto and anchor yourself against the onslaught of pleasure. Jimin is the first one to puncture the silence, “What was that?” 
- Then comes Seokjin's voice “all of you- move along- whoever it is they probably don’t want the three of you listening in like a bunch of horn dogs” which is basically a confirmation that they were listening in, and that Yoongi was there too. 
- When you finally exit the toolshed with weak legs, sure you’re going to have to at least got change your underwear. You find a bleary-eyed Seokjin a few dozen feet away, obviously upwind of the toolshed. he levels Namjoon with a tired expression. “You both have dirt on your knees” Namjoon has the good sense to look shy at that. You hastily brush off the spots on his, and he on yours.
- If Jimin and Yoongi smell anything on you later- they don’t say anything and the idea that they might make you feel hot all over whenever they lean in too close. You think you see a blush on Yoongi’s face more than once, and maybe see him adjust his pants out of the corner of your eye, but Jimin seems blissfully unaware.
- You have a check-up at the doctor’s office in the coming days. And although only Namjoon is allowed in the room with you (they have a two-person maximum because the ultrasound room is tiny), Yoongi and Jimin also accompany you. Namjoon comes bounding out after, waving the picture and smiling so so wide, both Yoongi and jimin leaning in close to get a better look- they’re so enamored with the little photo. And when you get home- Namjoon shows anyone that asks how the check-up went, eventually hanging it on one of the two fridges in the kitchen.
- Jimin is the only one who seems to notice the jealous looks- because you went out for ice-cream after and come home with them still partially melting (you’d had another craving- french-fries dunked in ice cream of all things). One of the other hybrids having heard Jimin talk to Tae about the beach trip too. They come to you at the end of the day, 2 bunnies, a cat, a fox and one of the bears- a mish moshed group of hybrids; petitioning you to start the beach trips for everyone.
- You can only fit so many people into the back of your truck so you pick a day and start a raffle for spots. Jimin throws his name into the hat just in case but to his surprise, Yoongi doesn’t. No matter how much Jimin bugs him too; He won’t agree to accompany Jimin to the beach again. Shaking his head with a roll of his eyes back tipped back against the grass, his sunhat crumpled. Offering up a few sweet tomatoes to soothe Jimin’s sour nerves. 
- The peace lasts for a couple of days before they’re right back to treating Yoongi like shit and for some reason, it pisses Jimin off more. No matter how many times he’s heard Namjoon asks Yoongi to please tell him when anything happens. The snake hybrid seems unable to fight back.
- Jimin asks one of the hybrids why she won’t look at Yoongi (after the snake has already gone up the hill to retrieve another dish for dinner) and beyond a startled look, she just says “none of us can smell him” she throws a stack of paper towels down onto the table angrily. The deer hybrid across from them stumbling with their silver wear But she doesn’t need to re-iterate herself. Jimin understands- it’s hard to trust someone who can lie to your face- and in the world of hybrids where emotions can be decreed from a simple sniff, Jimin can’t say he doesn’t see where they’re coming from.
- Doesn’t excuse their behavior, however. After all- Jimin can smell Yoongi’s emotions through his scent and he didn't realize that was something strange until now. To Jimin, Yoongi’s scent is soft and sweet- something gummy and soft like a marshmallow. But that’s probably because he spends so much time with the hybrid. The others only spend so much time around him and are unused to his scent. And the fact that he never talks and never tries to socialize doesn’t help.
- Jimin can’t imagine not wanting to smell more of it- not leaning in whenever the other hybrid passes. Jimin wants to bury his face in Yoongi’s neck and rub his cheek all over it. The same way that Namjoon does to him in the morning if he shows up before he’s changed from his pajamas. And he knows he smells soft like sleep- an alluring smell to the older alpha when he comes down the stairs, ears straight up eyes wide as he takes in all of Jimin's vulnerability.
- and it might have to do with what Taehyung had said- that alphas eat up that sort of thing. 
- Namjoon smells good too, his scent all soft mornings and sleepy walks, the older hybrid large and so pliant in his sleepiness, eyes swollen and face puffy as he hides in Jimin’s shoulder. Sending his pine scent all over so that it sticks to jimin no matter where he is. So that jimin will smell like Namjoon all day. 
- One of the cat hybrids at the sink rolls her eyes. But when you come down the stairs smelling much the same. You touch his arm so softly in passing, like you can’t believe you’re allowed. And Jimin’s senses are a dizzying blur of cream, peaches, pine, and marshmallow. 
- when he goes back to the barns, hazy at being scented by Namjoon so thoroughly. Taehyung levels him with a funny look and a chuckle. "you're more devious than anyone gives you credit for" thought Taehyung means it good-naturedly- it's good to have a friend to ask how to go about flirting with. the other hybrids gathered on the couch in front of the tv; some cartoon playing- pretend like they're not listening in. 
- "How do you know so much when you don't have a pack of your own Tae?" he asks over breakfast, the two of them clutching breakfast burritos on their way to check Tae's bees. Tae doesn't meet Jimin's eyes "you're just lucky- most hybrids dont find a pack so easily Jimin" his words aren’t jealous- only a little patronizing. And Jimin accepts it because he knows he has a lot to learn.
- Taehyung is right- out of all of the hybrids at the farm, there are only a few who have paired up or even made stronger groups or multi-person packs. the bunnies and the cats don't form set generally- though there are a few pairs and more than a few throuples.
- Jimin as caught Yeonjun making out with a tabby more than once- has learned to avoid certain sections of the woods all together because everyone knows that's where the bunny hybrids like to go in the afternoons. The canine hybrids are the only ones who have packs, though there are more than half a dozen loners like jimin and namjoon.
- It's hard for Jimin to cohabitate with them even though there are other larger predators and more than a few prey hybrids living in Jimin's barn. he hadn’t really realized until taehyung pointed it out that each different pack occupied one corner of the punk room. More than once- the room in the barns has felt hostile if only for the packs that have claimed either corner of the bunkroom. it's usual to wake up and find more than one of the pups cuddling with another in one single bed. 
- Having reciprocated love in his pack shouldn't feel like an impossibility to Jimin. But still, when Yoongi steps close- an inch too far away, his fingertips barely brushing- Jimin just- yearns. It’s a soft sort of yearning, the kind that has jimin jumping up whenever Yoongi needs something. Has him settling a think knit blanket over Yoongi’s nobly knees during movie nights, and sticking his own feet underneath the edge of the blanket. Feet Pressed to the clothed line of his calf. Maybe nothing will ever come of it, But Jimin yearns with everything he’s got regardless.
- In the late hours of the night, when Jimin lies awake thinking about the three of you. An instinct welling inside of him that says he should walk up the hill and fall asleep on your couch just to be closer to you three (the pack instinct- Taehyung calls it, looking a little bit sad himself when jimin asks him, the other hybrid moving away before jimin can ask exactly what that means) Jimin wonders if his feelings will ever be reciprocated.
- But love is a strange thing, it’s not just about saying it with kisses or touches- though Jimin wants them too. There is love in the small things, in building something together so that’s what Jimin tries to do. Every day- he takes to gardening with a new vigor. Shouting in joy when you harvest some of the tomatoes- filling up a whole gallon bucket with the amount that have ripened over the last week. Your peppers and cucumbers are beginning to produce more too.
- Jimin and Yoongi run to Namjoon just to give him a handful. The alpha gives each of them a sweet nuzzle in thanks, even if Yoongi chirps and moves back after a moment. A flush high on his cheek. Namjoon looking up at Yoongi from where he’s stopped- cheek on the elder's shoulder. The snake relaxing after a moment. 
- You spend the rest of the day showing Jimin and Yoongi how to prepare the tomatoes to make a sauce, roasting them on low heat. Cutting garlic so so carefully, and whenever Jimin looks across the prep table- Yoongi’s gaze darts away. halfway through- yoongi stoops down, sticking his socked feet into jimin’s lap, and it feels so nice, to have their weight there. 
- You go over to Yoongi at one point, and he tips his head back to look up at you. The back of his head is at the right height to lye up against your baby bump. And Jimin watches, as you slowly, so slowly, brush the hair out of his eyes and away from his forehead. Yoongi’s eyes flutter closed and he tips his face into your hand. Letting out a low happy grumble when you take his action as positive reinforcement, and drag your nails over his scalp. In Jimin’s lap, Yoongi’s toes curl. 
- It feels strange- and Jimin can’t quite put his finger on it- but it almost feels like Yoongi is letting you all touch him more than ever. Suddenly okay with touches- as long as it’s in a more private setting. Jimin can’t say he’s unhappy about it. Maybe one-day yoongi will even let Jimin scent mark him. 
- Jimin smiles at Yoongi’s happy little snake grumbles. And keeps chopping his garlic. Is happy to receive the same kind of scratch from you a few minutes later. Though he might abandon his chopping in favor of rubbing his face all over your stomach when the instinct strikes him. Jimin unintentionally lets out a growl when you start to move away. Slapping a hand over his mouth and apologizing, no matter how you and Yoongi laugh.
- Still, despite the happiness, you have in your kitchen, in your house, whenever you’re around each other. The rest of the world is not so kind.
- An adoption day comes at arguably the worst and best time. There is still a fair amount of friction between your group and the rest of the hybrids. And a few outsiders at the farm only make it worse. Though Yoongi, Jimin, and Namjoon aren’t the only hybrids who wear red stickers to indicate that they are not available for adoption.
- Hoseok surprisingly- grabs a yellow sticker. And the three of your hybrids watch- as Seokjin hovers around him- a red sticker on his own lapel- wary of all and anyone who interacts with the otter hybrid. His glares putting off all but the most attentive patrons. That's where it starts.
- Jimin is unfortunately caught in the middle when seokjin confronts hoseok. off to help the three of them bring down 3 trays of cut watermelon for the hybrids and the patrons. The dinner tables have been set out on the side of the field piled high with Hors d'oeuvre. You’re there with Namjoon greeting the humans. Games are set out too- for the hybrids and humans to play. 
- it’s no secret that they’ve gotten close, and jimin had assumed they’d talked about it- but apparently not. Seokjin is so angry he’s nearly crying. “why- hoseok- why do you want to leave the farm?” Hoseok’s little otter ears are tight against his scalp. “I just- I didn’t want to assume?”
- “Oh- so you’d rather just- throw away everything that we’re trying- all of this- you don’t you dont want to stay do you-” Jimin has never seen seokjin looking so lost, and he knows enough to guess that Seokjin’s anger is at least in part to due to some trauma (later- Jimin will find out that Seokjin’s mother left him with his last owner- an abusive man- to save herself).  
- Jimin knows enough to get in between them, telling them to calm down and spend a minute away from each other. Jimin ends up with Hoseok- “it’s hard Jimin- how do you, how do you have so much sureness with Y/n? with Namjoon and yoongi too? How do you look at them and trust that you should stay?” Hoseok's eyes remain on Jimin's red tag. 
- Jimin sighs, thinking it through, “do you look at Seokjin and know he cares about you? like- do you know it in your bones?” Hoseok bites his lower lip, “yes- but-” 
- “Then you should stay Hoseok,” Jimin walks Hoseok up to the main house where the stickers sit on the prep table. Changing out his yellow one for a red one. And when they head off back down the hill, Seokjin is waiting on the path with Yoongi, apologizing and dragging Hoseok away to the barns where Seokjin’s own private room is. Hoseok goes willingly, smiling up at the older hybrid. His narrow shoulders cuddled under one of Seokjin's wide ones. 
- jimin has to admit, an otter and an alpaca are a weird combination for a hybrid pack (But no stranger than a pair of puppies and a snake). His thoughts drift towards Taehyung- and Jimin hopes that his friend won't end up alone. it must not be easy- to see all of you pair off like this. 
- in some ways, that adoption day is full of just as much bullshit as they usually are. there are always people who dont understand the effort it takes to take care of a hybrid- they aren't just like any ordinary pet. it's easy to spot the ones that view them as pets- and less like people. You get a few rich people looking to adopt a companion as always. 
- A substantial group of families also look to adopt similarly aged companions for their single children. And you agree to more than one possible test weekend. You’re always so particular about letting the children go, so wary and so careful in the way you let them interact with the families.
- Though they don’t have parents here- there are more than a few good role models and parental figures. More than one child chooses a red tag for themselves. And they always know have a right to it- no matter how young they are. You make it clear to the group of them; If they don’t want to be adopted they don’t have to be. 
- You even get one couple- the woman withdrawn and sad, and a slightly jealous look at your own pregnant stomach says more than any words could. It’s pretty common for women who can’t have children to adopt hybrid children. and though some of it doesn't sit right with you, You aren’t one to judge. 
- Jimin spends most of the adoption day helping you balance the need for food and for games. running back and forth to the house to help. Though there is a little work that needs to be done here and there just to keep the farm running as usual. grey storm clouds roll in halfway through the day, puncturing the blue sky- foretelling scattered showers and storms. and jimin hopes it will cut the adoption day short so that you can return to your routines. 
- Jimin is just helping Yoongi putting away a broken badminton net When it happens- Jimin isn’t certain why it does. Only that he hears the words outside the shed after Yoongi's just excited to grab the broken rackets (Namjoon isn't the only clumsy hybrid you have at the farm). 
- “oh sorry- ew gross,” a shrill female voice says, and then he rounds the corner and sees yoongi picking himself up from the dirt- a rich lady and her peacock hybrid looking down at him like he’s the dirt beneath his shoes. The peacock hybrid has Yoongi’s sun hat in his hands and there is another hybrid- a wolf hybrid from the farm with a green sticker on his shirt, who growls down at yoongi.
- His shoulders shake too the way they do when he’s been touched and he doesn’t want to be. Jimin has seen you brush your fingers over the back of Yoongi’s hand, has even felt the coolness of the snake hybrid through the fabric when the elder grabbed his sleeve. Has touched him even more intimately as of late. But he knows that Yoongi can’t tolerate being touched by people he doesn’t trust- doesn’t want to touch him. basically, anyone, that's, not you, Namjoon, or Jimin himself. 
- “Hey- what the fuck!” Jimin spits, grabbing the sunhat out of the hybrid's hand with a growl, his ears flat against his head. If Jimin had elongated canines like Namjoon they would be barred in anger as he shoves the larger hybrid back. Yoongi shrinks impossibly smaller behind him.
- Jimin is hot and itchy from the heat and the humidity, and he really just wants to shower and cool off. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with entitled people today. And more importantly- no one touches Yoongi on Jimin’s watch.
- The hybrid looks surprised to be talked to in that way, he’s nearly a head taller than Jimin let alone the slightly taller feathers that poke out of the top of his head that give him the appearance of several more inches- but Jimin’s intimidating enough with his set expression to send the hybrid huffing away. Feathers fluffed.
- The peacock's iridescent feathers stand up on end as he grabs the hand of his human owner, her diamond tennis bracelet glittering in the sunlight. “This was getting boring anyway. Sorry” he tosses over his shoulder at the canine hybrid, who looks so disappointed his ears pinned back against his head. They only give him that- barely a look, before they’re heading off down the hill in the direction of the line of cars parked on the grass.
- The wolf hybrid deflates audibly- watching the woman and the other hybrid disappear down the hill. promises of home and family disappearing in a moment, but Jimin has to think- if they’d be discouraged so easily- were they really worth it? The wolf hybrid doesn't seem to think so- Turning his angry tear-filled eyes on Jimin. 
- But Jimin can see the hate in his eyes and knows not to mistake the tears for only sadness. “You both ruin everything” he growls out- before they too run back towards the barns- no doubt to tell the others how Yoongi had sabotaged their adoption. Even though that was far from the truth. in all honestly- yoongi just bumped into the lady- or more probably- the lady bumped into him when he was on his way out of the shed.
- Jimin holds out his sunhat to Yoongi, who takes it from Jimin carefully, Jimin doesn’t linger on the fact that his hand still shakes. Jimin’s hand lingers somewhere close enough where Yoongi could touch it could reach out if he wants too. If he wants to get that kind of comfort from Jimin's touch- then Jimin will willingly give it. 
- a faint flush coats the elder's cheeks. Oh no- he must be overheating then, Jimin feels a rush of concern. He knows what you would do, hover your hand close enough to Yoongi’s forehead, usher him upstairs for a break in the air conditioning, and a glass of icy lemonade.
- All they can hear is the shouts of laughter at the games the others play in the fields, “I understand why you don’t want to stay in the barns, why you don’t want to socialize with some of them, they’re so unkind to you it makes me crazy.” Jimin shakes his head, sour anger filling him like a rotten peach.
- Yoongi, looks more than pacified, looking up at Jimin with an indecipherable look. Most of the time, Jimin can get a good guess on how he’s feeling but not now- not that indecipherable heaviness he finds there. or the strangely heavy marshmallow scent that’s fluffed around them. Jimin lets go of Yoongi’s hat.
- After a moment Yoongi nods, and Jimin takes it as a thank you. They’re done for the day and dinner won’t be for another few hours or so. Jimin is ready to avoid some of the strangers and hopefully take advantage of the empty showers. The sky is grey with incumbent storm clouds when Jimin makes his way to the shower buildings which he finds blissfully empty; except for the bear hybrid Jackson that tosses a greeting at Jimin before exiting.
- Jimin doesn’t even bother to flick the lights on, instead of settling for the calm light that comes through the skylights, grey and hazy. the storm clouds have started to roll in properly. He hums as he disrobes, goes to grab his favorite strawberry body wash, and picks the last shower at the end, disrobing in relative comfort, glad for a moment of privacy.
- The blissfully Coldwater does wonders for his overheating muscles, relaxing his body deliciously from a day spent walking up and down the hill. he digests the chaos of the day- seokjin and hoseok fighting, yoongi getting shoved. you'd looked frazzled the last time he'd seen you, smile strained as you made small talk with most of the humans, Namjoon always close incase you needed someone to lean on.
-  Jimin had been able to tell that your feet were sore just by looking at you. Namjoon will probably make you sit down before long, maybe he already has. You’ll probably cut off the adoption day because of the rain. Taking down names and information before you send them on their way. You rarely let a hybrid leave the farm after one adoption day, needing to have more private meetings and house calls to willingly part with one of them. You just want to make sure you dont release them back into another abusive household. 
- He hums as he washes, lingering in the water and taking a longer shower than he usually would. He hums, testing the way his vocal cords wrap around the acoustics of the empty high ceilinged room. 
Then he hears the scuffling of someone in the bathroom too and cuts off. A little abashed at being caught. The rustling getting closer and its a moment before he realizes that the rustling is coming from his own section of the bath. he smells him the second before he pulls the shower curtain gets pulled back. 
- “Yoongi!” Jimin shouts, furiously grabbing at something to cover his nakedness. Jimin furiously tries to cover his crotch, grabbing one of the large bargain bottles of shampoo and hold it there even as cold water runs over his face. Getting into his wide eyes. “Yoongi what the fuck! You’re naked!”
- Jimin is glad that the rumors about snake hybrids having double the appendages as a normal hybrid are false but he can’t stop his blush or his wandering eyes as he sees the snake hybrid in full. Or the hot lick of arousal that shocks him through his core- especially when he recognizes the heaviness to Yoongi's scent as being arousal. 
- there is a single moment, jimin can smell yoongi- can see the want in his eyes, can feel his own scent fluff out to meet his, yoongi sags under the weight of Jimin's scent as the surprise dissipates. "do you-" Jimin's face must be brighter than a tomato. He reaches out a tentative hand, "do you want to-" 
- Before Jimin can do much more than that Yoongi’s lips are on his, tentative but firm and passionate, the fire leaking into him from Yoongi as jimin stumbles in surprise. The kiss tastes like thank you and Ive wanted to do this for longer than i care to admit and everything yoongi can't say, can't let slip past his lips. jimin drops the shampoo bottle which narrowly misses his foot as Yoongi’s hands come up to encircle his jaw so softly like Yoongi is holding the most important thing in his world. Jimin is so shocked that for a moment- he doesn’t kiss back and Yoongi retracts- not before Jimin chases his lips and the snake hybrid returns to him.
- It’s the first time Yoongi’s ever touched Jimin so bare, and the snake’s hands on the back of his neck feel cold and shivery but good. As Jimin’s back hit’s the wall and their fronts press together for a moment, just brushing. Then colliding with more force as they both realize how good it feels to be so close to someone you trust. It’s dizzying- intoxicating, and Jimin knows his mouth is moving sloppily even if he wants to kiss Yoongi with just as much intent. 
- The snake hybrid bites- actually bites- down on Jimin’s tongue. And a strangled whine comes to live and die in his throat. A snarl in his ears from Yoongi's mouth as the snake hybrid keeps his biting, moves to Jimin's throat- bites hard Enough that Jimin knows he'll leave a bruise. "leave more- yoongi please mark me" jimin feels hot with the thought of it- the thought of all the other hybrids being able to smell yoongi on his scent gland. 
- Jimin doesn’t know where to put his hands, he knows enough to know that Yoongi doesn’t like to be touched and unsure if it extends to right now. but it seems okay if he’s doing the touching. His hands sliding down Jimin's back to his waist. He’s a good kisser, the best that Jimin’s ever kissed (not that there have been many) and he tips his head forward to put as much scalding force as he can into it when yoongi leaves his neck in favor of his mouth, trying to match Yoongi’s intensity even if he can’t match his skill.
- Yoongi takes a step forward, and Jimin’s cock brushes his hipbone, and he can’t stop the way his hips jump at the contact, brushing into Yoongi further. Jimin’s blood boils with arousal. Yoongi is equally as hard compared to Jimin. And Jimin doesn't know if its water or precum that he feels on his skin. Can't look down to check.
- By the time Yoongi leans back and finishes running his fingers through Jimin’s hair and over his shoulders. Jimin’s so wound up he feels like he’s about the pass out. The cool water cascading over his back doing nothing to settle him. Yoongi moves his hips- testing the waters, as he grinds, works jimin’s hips into an unsteady rhythm. and jimin moans. 
- Yoongi pulls back, looking at jimin, their noses brushing, like he can’t bear to have jimin farther away from him than this, want heavy in his eyes, and Jimin tastes the words on Yoongi’s lips as good as if he’d said them. “Yoongi” jimin breathes. Palms pressed carefully to the shower wall so that he won’t reach out and yank Yoongi closer. But he’s Weak against the wake of this of all this feeling.
- “fuck- kiss me again- can we- ” Jimin feels strung out, his body heavy with something like heat- maybe Jimin is actually having a heat and it’s not just in his imagination (he wouldn't really know what it felt like- never having had one before because of his malnutrition). But This kind of kissing is certainly enough to trigger one.
- Yoongi opens his mouth for a second, almost like he’s about to speak- or to try to, Jimin’s never been sure if he can- if it’s muteness or just Yoongi being selective. And then in the next moment, Yoongi’s gone, almost tripping on his way out of the showers with how fast he’s leaving jimin. A whine dies in his throat and jimin starts after him, But then Yoongi turns back. Gesturing with a hand for jimin to stay put. Yoongi looks angry, and it takes a moment for Jimin to realize that the anger wasn’t directed at jimin- only at Himself.
- Jimin stays in the shower, water thundering down around him as the sky overhead thunders too. Jimin listens to the faint sound of Yoongi dressing and then leaving the showers. Jimin lets him go. So sure that he has absolutely no idea what just happen- or even if he didn’t imagine the whole thing.
- jimin’s hand on himself doesn't feel nearly good as Yoongi’s did. 
- Yoongi’s hands shake all the way back up the hill, and he hopes his wet hair won’t be too suspicious especially when a mixed group of hybrids crosses his path. Returning to the barns as most of the adoption day festivities have ended.
 - Yoongi’s careful to keep his eyes averted. And like usual- the conversation comes to a halt when Yoongi passes them by. It no longer bugs him the way it might have once. They have a good reason not to want to associate with him. Yoongi’s body shakes with the weight of the things he’s done and the things he’s going to do.
- you gather with 3 families on your porch as you take down their names and contact information. You send yoongi a concerned look as he quickly heads inside the house. Pausing only for a moment before he decides to go to Namjoon first. Later- later he’ll ask you too. 
- Stupid- he’s been so stupid recently. Touching you- indulging in these short sweet touches because he wants more so badly. Knows he can never have it doesn’t stop the wanting. If his owner ever found out what he’s done- if she ever found out what he’d almost done with jimin- she’d surely have Jimin’s hands for it. 
- And as much as Yoongi wishes it were any other way- Jimin almost touching him does remind him of far worse times. Though he’d been the one to initiate it this time- the memories still linger. 
- Times when foreign hands touched his skin as he’d thrashed and screamed trying to protest against the taunting words of his owner. “I’ve never been interested in snake dick but if you want him for tonight you can have him- just be careful- he bites” and he shakes with those memories. Though its been many years. like most kinds of torture- eventually, his owner had grown bored with using yoongi's body as a bargaining chip. Yoongi wonders if he’s ever going to be able to be touched that way without feeling the revulsion at his own body.
- Jimin had come close, but he'd known- known that yoongi didn't want him to touch him. Had seemed more than willing to be touched himself. the revulsion hadn't hit him until the end. 
- The places he’s been touched without his consent feel black and decaying- or like ink, every time someone touches him- Yoongi’s surprised that ink doesn’t come away on your hands soft and delicate. But it didn’t change the fact that Yoongi wanted it- and wants it still. 
- he wants to see you soft and sated the way you look sometimes in the morning when he can smell Namjoon on you- wants to cause it- maybe, someday in the future if you'll let him. He knows you’d be gentle with him. Wouldn’t put your hands anywhere he didn’t want. Would check in with him- going as slowly or as quickly as he wanted too. Namjoon would be able to be gentle too- Yoongi’s sure of it.
- He wants it, even though he knows that want only put you all in danger. He’s an incredibly selfish person. He hopes he never gets to have that intimacy with you, for your sake.
- yoongi should only let himself dream of something good before he goes- sinks back into that life. But the temptation for more is too strong sometimes, his want filling him up like sticky sweet syrup that pollutes every moment. 
- Namjoon is on the second floor of your house and Yoongi takes the stairs two at a time. Folding laundry in what will one day be the nursery for your child. He’s taken the ultrasound up here now- hung it up so he can look at it. and Yoongi is reminded of A few days ago when he gushed about the development of your child to Yoongi in the kitchen comparing them to the size of a fruit. “a cute little cantaloupe- the cutest little cantaloupe”
- You and Namjoon have made the decision not to find out the gender, but the walls of the nursery are still pained blue, puffy clouds above and little flowers below, dandelions and daisies, a stalwart sunflower that curls over the arch of the door half-finished. Yoongi knows you work on the mural it whenever you can. But Namjoon gets a little paranoid about the fumes- you compromise and keep the windows open along with the door to your balcony to allow as much air circulation as possible.
- The crib, a fluffy white thing is already piled into the corner. And Yoongi remembers the first few weeks here when you and Namjoon had overzealously ordered it. He’d come downstairs after dinner one night and found both of you puzzling over the directions. And he’d shooed Namjoon away as he’d helped you put it together. The three of you ending up giggly and punch drunk tired by the time it was fully put together. And then had to carry it all the way up the stairs. 
-A mobile of little felted flowers that Seokjin made you as a thank you present a hangs above the empty Crib- colorful and cute. And Namjoon has set the laundry on the unused changing table in neat stacks. All of the other furniture is piled into the center of the room so that you can paint the walls. He turns when he hears Yoongi, his tail swishing.
- “Hey Yoon- what you get caught in a rainstorm or something?” the rain splatters against the windows with a soft patter and Yoongi drips onto the floor. He never bothered to dry off after the unintentional shower with jimin. Yoongi makes a shrug that means ‘something like that’ and if the younger hybrid hovers on the way that Yoongi’s lips look a little kiss bitten and swollen he doesn’t say a thing. Namjoon knows better than anyone- what they talk about and what they don’t.
- He hands over the slip of paper; “jimin should move into the main house, you and I could clean out one of the storage rooms and move the stuff into the attic.”
-  Yoongi watches Namjoon’s eyes rove over the words a few times. The hybrid purses his lips, “I’ve talked to Y/n about this- and she agrees- but I don’t know if he wants too? He seems pretty comfortable in the barns, he likes Taehyung and they’re friends. and we kind of want to leave it up to him if we can.”
- Yoongi snatches the paperback from him, annoyance flickering in his chest as he rolls his eye. Didn’t Namjoon see that nothing would change if they didn’t push him a little? Jimin is the type to take that kind of abuse again and again if it means not making a fuss. And Yoongi knows it’s only a matter of time before something happens again. He turns it over onto the other side and using the wall as a place to write.
- “He’s already being treated differently because of me” 'me' being double underlined- so that Namjoon really understands what he’s trying to say. Yoongi just wants to make sure Jimin is safe before he goes. Before he needs to leave and before it gets too dangerous and too near a time when his owner will physically retrieve him. Not that Namjoon knows that Yoongi’s presence has an expiration date. Namjoon searches Yoongi’s face for a source to his desperation and finds none.
- Yoongi has never felt worse for keeping secrets. Maybe in another world- Yoongi would have confessed and asked Namjoon, with all of his connections to the police, for help. Yoongi knows enough to put the whole crime system out of whack and yet. Years of negative reinforcement and beatings have taught him to keep his mouth shut and that isn’t going to change now; not when Yoongi’s life isn’t the only one at risk and he knows you’ll all live if he plays by the rules. He doesn't care about his own safety anymore. 
- The second he sees Yoongi’s distraught expression Namjoon steps closer Taking off his flannel and tugging it around his shoulders. Namjoon might not make moves to scent mark Yoongi but dressing him in his clothes is as good as he gets. Namjoon’s comforting alpha scent fluffs around him.
- Yoongi wonders if jimin feels the pull the same way he does. Dynamics are more mobile in snake hybrids and downright non-existent in humans. but they’re more set in canines. Namjoon puts his hand on Yoongi’s clothed arm and Yoongi shuffles close after a second. His nose centimeters from Namjoon’s neck taking in deep breathes to try and steady himself. He didn’t realize he was shaking.
- “It will be alright Yoongi, I promise. He’s gonna be safe.” Namjoon adds quieter. And below them both- in the first floor of the house, he can hear your voice, echoing louder and laughing at some sort of joke, Namjoon’s tail starts wagging at the suggestion of you. “I want them to feel safe too.”
- Yoongi wants to write “he should take my room- I won’t be staying in it soon anyway.” but Yoongi needs to make sure- before he leaves. Jimin has to be included in your little pack. He doesn’t want to think- about what the three of you will go through when he eventually has to leave. The days are counting down to the end of the summer. 
- He’s fucking selfish, so selfish, to kiss Jimin like that when he knows he won't be able to stay in the hybrids life. He’s selfish every time he begs affection off you, every day he keeps Namjoon Company when he’s cleaning up the other barns. Yoongi writing out words in the dust when Namjoon asks him questions. Eyes only searching when Namjoon turns his back. Looking for any sort of hidden compartment. Completing his task even if it’s the last thing he wants to do. Betraying you like this.
- Jimin spends the rest of the day wondering if the kiss with Yoongi was just a dream. But later at dinner, Yoongi won’t meet his eyes, and jimin knows he didn’t imagine the kiss. Guilt sticks to Yoongi, more distracting than honey stuck between your fingertips.
- Both of them go to sleep still thinking about the kiss. Jimin wondering if it will happen again and Yoongi thinking that he’d like it too. His fingers running over his lower and upper lips, mind awash with the memory of jimin’s mouth on his. And night falls heavy like a weighted blanket on the farm. The sky a big sheet with holes poked through for stars. A heavenly breeze tempting away the summer heat.
- All of the hybrids safe and snoring in their beds. Some even paired- if they’ve got it. Two furry bodies packed close on a single bed. Some even dream of homes they mind one day live in or of the people that one day they’ll get to love. The idea of being kept and treasured lulling them into a drowsy haze of anticipation and security. 
- That night, Namjoon knocks on Yoongi’s door. the hybrid leaning up against the doorframe as he watches the snake get ready for bed. “you know... you could sleep in our room if you want, we have an air conditioner in there too.” yoongi has a notepad ready, he knows that Namjoon likes to open all the windows and even the door to your balcony to let the fresh air in so that it feels like you're sleeping outside. He steels himself to think of someone other than himself before he writes- “I’m okay- thanks though” Yoongi writes out. 
- Namjoon lifts one of Yoongi’s blankets to his neck before he leaves, thoroughly scents marking it before he leaves it with Yoongi. And Yoongi sleeps easy that night with his nose pressed to the blanket. Safe and secure in his room. Nothing bad happens to yoongi that night even though he cuddles close to the blanket, and when he wakes in the morning. his heart beats a steady thumping rhythm- his whole body humming with anticipation. 
- It’s different to feel excited about being in love, excited for a day spent close to the people he cares about. And he knows he won't take a single day for granted. 
- The crickets and cicadas chirping in the field. And in a low tone on the tree outside, a morning dove gentle and unassuming. The sun rising over the hills. Tastes of idyllic and smells of Eden. Like lavender and honey.
- A hand outstretched, scrambling in the dirt before it goes still, fingers just a few inches from safety. Blood mixing in with the sand. The morning is not perfect for everyone.
- But even you would say the morning was peaceful, if not for the dead body dumped at the end of your driveway. 
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Kofi
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comfortscripts · 3 years ago
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hi, can i request a ship from harry potter pls? i go by she/they pronouns and i’m pansexual. sorry that this is long as fuck 😫
i’m pretty short, 5’1 to be specific. i have a curvy figure, thick thighs save lives as they say. i’m a lightskin black girl with curly brown hair that goes just a bit below my shoulders. i have brown eyes and dimples.
i’m a very flirty person. i like to tease people and be teased back, all in good fun. i love joking around and i get bored easily. im a bit of a troublemaker and don’t care much when i get caught. kinda an adrenaline junkie.
when i feel threatened, i get really aggressive and defensive. i have anger issues so i’d need someone who could handle my outbursts and my aggressive tendencies. i’m very nice when someones on my good side but i can switch up very quickly. for example, if someone said something shitty about my friends, family, or me, i would become the meanest person ever to them. i wont hesitate to argue with someone if i feel they are being unfair or bitchy to me or someone else. i also swear a lot. i’m a very confrontational person, i like when things are blunt so i don’t have to second guess myself or others.
as flirty as i am, sometimes when i’m not the one initiate things with my s/o, i get kind of shy. i would try to be my normal, cocky self but i would probably fail by stuttering, blushing, or avoiding eye contact. then again, there are also those times when i like to compete for dominance (as wattpad as it sounds LMFAOO). i love physical contact. i fuckin love cuddles, hand holding, and innocent or not so innocent touches in general. i love playing with peoples hair.
as previously mentioned, i have anger issues. i have the tendency to snap on people when i’m annoyed. i space out often and get distracted easily. i’m very stubborn. i don’t like being told what to do and i have very strong beliefs. i believe that everyone is equal and i would definitely stand up to some jackass calling someone a mudblood or going on about blood status. i also don’t like talking about my feelings or my problems unless i really trust someone.
i don’t fall for people easily so someone would really have to be dedicated in winning my affections to get me to date them lmao. i really like drawing, music, going on adventures, true crime, psychology, supernatural stuff, and shit like that.
i dress kinda alternative. dark colors, chokers, fishnets, corsets, boots, rings, layered necklaces, etc.
i would say that i proudly radiate confident, chaotic, fun, and blunt energy. also, i am a slytherin.
Sorry this took so long to do but I hope you enjoy it anyways!!
I had two options for you so I gave both (Also the Ginny hair thing is low-key based off the time I nearly cried because someone learnt my hair-care routine to help me out)
Fred Weasley
The height difference!!!
Freddie is on the taller side and he never lets you forget it, whether it be holding your wand higher than you could reach or saying you have to climb up for a kiss
Your mischievous streaks complement each other and I can imagine that you two would be the talk of Hogwarts with all your pranks
Getting together would be a strange one as it seemed very much like he was chasing someone who couldn’t care less
But eventually the Gryffindor Jokester made the Slytherin Badass fall for him
Fred isn’t normally a hothead but you bet your ass that he will join in and defend someone with you
Plus he would be swooning over your protective nature
His chill and childish attitude to things might calm you down a little bit, and sometimes annoy you but then he does something cute so
Physical touch is this man’s ideal. After sharing everything all his life, he keeps a tight hold on you (physically and normally in the form of a hug)
He thinks you are the greatest person alive (besides him) and he relishes in bragging about you because he is still amazed that you are with him
"Fredrick Gideon Weasley. I swear to god if you run off again like that, I will have no problem with murdering your ginger-ass"
Stomping in with a written detention slip in your hand. Having been caught for a prank is nothing important but being punished for something you didn't pull is enraging. Especially when the culprit is your own boyfriend.
"Sorry love, not my fault that I've got longer legs." Stretching out his lanky limbs in a pathetic gesture to annoy you. "Blame nature, not me"
Pushing his legs off the sofa as you cosy up onto the burgundy velvet of the Gryffindor common room, your eyes felt nauseous from the array of loud colours. As you sat, not snuggling into Fred as usual, he began to worry slightly.
"Oh come on darling, you can't be that mad"
Poking your side in hopes to see a smile.
"My Slithering Sweetie, it was just a joke"
He rested his hand against your thigh looking for some reaction.
"Okay. I'm sorry and I'll confess to Snape that I was the one who charmed his chair."
Taking his hand in yours as you finally looked at him. Beaming smile and that mischievous glint in your eyes that Fred swore was like a flash of gold across the brown irises.
"Don't be an idiot. I don't mind a detention from him, he does tend to favour our house so the punishment is nothing. Just wanted to see you squirm a bit" With a sly wink, you finally let Fred embrace your figure as you curled up and planned your next prank, as a team.
Ginny Weasley
The Hot Couple™
You both exude such confidence and girlboss-esque vibes that people aren't sure whether to bow or run away
Ginny is a hothead and commands attention so I feel like the both of you would back each other up but god, students fear the day you two get into an argument
With Ginny's flying skills and your love of adventure, I could imagine that the both of you would have dates in the forests or go explore new muggle cities together
Ginny initiates the affection!!! And she does it constantly, so much so that it sometimes catches you off-guard and you genuinely swoon
You are her biggest cheerleader when it comes to Quidditch matches. Painting her number on your face as you stand amongst the Gryffindors, definitely earning some looks from your own house
Her brothers would be jealous for sure, but she secretly loves it and she will brag to anyone who will listen
You bring her out of her style shell a little bit, introducing her to the different styles and aesthetics
Sitting against the cold walls of your dorm as Ginny's hair wrapped and twisted around your fingers, delicately being braided for her upcoming match. She swore that you worked magic that could ease her nerves and bring her luck.
"You look like a winner" As you tied off the end and let her newly braided hair fall to the redhead's shoulders, placing a tender kiss against the side of Ginny's head.
"Who knew my girlfriend was such a charmer?" Pulling you into a soft embrace as you rested against her gaudy red sweater, knowing that you will be wearing a similar one in a few hours. "Babe, could I try something?"
Rising up to question the girl with suspicious eyes, "Does it involve more face paint because I am drawing the line at half my face"
Giggling as she tries to picture her proudly Slytherin girlfriend in glitter gold paint before pulling her mind back to the question at hand.
"Well, you always do my hair and I feel bad because I could never help with yours." Allowing Ginny's hand to caress your cheek as her soft hand outlines the ringlet that fell by your face. "So I asked Angelina if she could teach me how to braid curly hair, plus I practiced on Hermione a bunch. Would you let me try?"
Ginny recognised the affection you gave by offering to stroke her hair or meticulously brush it after every match, and she wished she could offer the same domestic care back. But now, hopefully she could start.
Pulling the redhead closer until your lips met hers, the simple gesture communicated the appreciation you felt for her. That pure, unadulterated affection the two of you shared was something many could not even attempt to replicate.
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moonlit-imagines · 4 years ago
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Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling
Peter Parker x sibling!reader
warnings: bullying mention, blood mention
a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm
prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling
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peter and you were playful kids
you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him
but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more
peter was a genius, we all know it
he was the one helping you with your homework most nights
“peter i cant do it!”
“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”
“can i say a cuss word?”
“sure”
“math is shit”
you would cry during homework a lot
you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours
and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed
peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo
you’d play action figures together
he was batman, you were robin always
“can i be batman?”
“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”
“but i wanna be batman!”
peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard
and he’d pick you up on his way home
on half-days your brother taught you how to skate
you fell a lot
aunt may had to patch you up
“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”
peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him
you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!
being his photography assistant
really you were his assistant constantly
science fair was the most boring day of the year
“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”
*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*
you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead
it made you very mad but it was scary, too
“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”
“oh, you know, just happened”
“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”
“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”
lonely when he moved onto high school :/
but you got there soon enough
you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer
just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama
“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”
“uhh, a coke?”
you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt
you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes
“what the hell, parker?!”
“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”
peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed
trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you
sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)
*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”
“which one of them is it this time?”
the principal’s office was a trip sometimes
you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded
“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”
“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”
no you fuckin dont lmaoooo
it was always something with you two
like always
*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”
*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”
“is that my jacket?” -peter
“you mean my jacket?”
“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”
“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”
and then there was just the little annoying things
“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”
*clicks pen faster*
“you’re the worst”
and my personal favorite
“peter, open the door”
“why?”
“emergency”
*opens bedroom door* “what?”
“aunt may is making meatloaf”
“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”
peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say
soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them
he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp
“YOU SNUCK IN??”
“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”
soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen
“peter??”
“yeah? whats up?”
“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”
“it happened to you, too??”
“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”
yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house
it was an adjustment to say the least
and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset
you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt
maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words
peter was covered in his blood still
“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”
when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room
then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out
peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers
sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you
“we match?”
*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”
ah yes, spider-team
you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter
peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you
you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out
“uh—peter punched me”
“y/n???!!!”
“I PANICKED”
just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky
seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst
peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes
“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”
“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”
he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES
yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this
but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him
“thats my brotherrrr!!!”
cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)
you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off
he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time
seeing harry osborn again after YEARS
“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”
“aww, it’s good to see you, too”
electrooooo
this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock
you and peter weren’t equipped for that
it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that
and several other problems
including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own
*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”
*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”
you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad
“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”
*thumbs up to show youre still alive*
but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen
he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried
“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”
she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed
“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”
he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this
the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time
he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while
“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”
“love you too”
you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up
“im coming with you”
“you’re sure?”
“yeah, im sure”
(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)
taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //
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jaefmin · 3 years ago
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-- A day with Jungkook as your boyfriend!!
For my bf's birthday <3
A karaoke with pure screaming
Jungkook did have a different life apart from his singing career, and to be honest, it was pretty chaotic. What they showed him on camera was all scripted, but in reality, Jungkook was a pure crackhead. So much chaos inside this little brain of his; it made you wanna manifest the crack things inside yourself to him. No warming up, no testing how his voice sounds, nothing. Just. Pure. Screaming. No matter how bad it sounded, what mattered to the both of you was to have fun. Hyper songs was all that you both were into. Both of your score never ended up above thirty, but spending this time with Jungkook was probably the best time ever.
Fort Building
Well, if it isn't how well Jungkook and forts get along. And it isn't even the small dinning table type, he's done the whole hall. It might have taken a huge amount of time to build the huge fort, but the result was noteworthy. Soft surroundings, cute bedsheets, A WHOLE LOT OF FOOD, soft toys, pillows; it's such a cozy place, you could live in here forever. He threw the soft toys in from a hole in the bedsheet, and you cuddled up a big penguin. He entered the fort from a really small area, and opened his arm for hugs, but you stayed still and preferred the penguin. He quickl brought the projector and put finding nemo on. Pfft. Smart guy. He could literally betray you. He. Cuddled. Another. Penguin.
Crosswords
Yep, Nemo had been found, and before Jungkook could get emotional seeing Dory, he went out to refill the snacks and returned with a couple of newspapers and pencils. He lay the chips packet down and opened the crossword page. A ear to ear smile immediately appeared on your face. It had been a while since you both solved a crossword. They always reminded you of the beginning of your relationship, when Jungkook used to solve crosswords with you, and it gave you a feeling of leaving everything and just staying in his arms forever. The way he made you feel when you were with him was something out of this world.
Hide and seek
It isn't fair alright!! Jungkook gets to hide every time and you're never able to find him. Jungkook tells you which place he was hiding in, and by now, you were sure that the blender's next. It's every single time he gets to hide and he's gonna 'boo' you, and no matter how alert you stay, how much heed you're paying, Jungkook's getting you every time. It just happened right now, and as usual you shrieked, only to receive a fabulous comment from him, "I love your shrieks babe! They're no different from an Iguana's."
Pictionary
Jungkook and you had a deal. Whichever card each of you would pick, the hardest ones were marked, and the both of you had to draw them, you couldn't choose anything else. You picked a card for yourself, and seeing the hardest drawing, you cold almost pass out. Surgery. Not having a bare minimum of an idea of what tools the doctor used and how they looked, you went up on the board and drew a scissor. A man laying next to the scissor which in your opinion looked like a dead chicken, you turned towards Jungkook. He sat in his position and stared for a while. It seeemed never ending until, "Is that a fork babe?"
Building a grill for the chicken night
Your grill had arrived the day before, and Jungkook wanted to set it up with you. That item being next on the fun list, you both got to work. You insisted playing songs since it was getting quiet, so Jungkook put on some. He started with the knobs and the skewers, while you build the interior. It hadn't been long, and you heard a loud crack. You looked up, towards your boyfriend, standing with a broken knob. You eyes widened immediately and you rushed towards him. "It's okay sweetie, it's only a knob." "That means we lost a whole side of the grill!!"
Just dance
This was probably that one thing you both were waiting for. Jungkook put all of his effort into dancing and turned it into a mini concert. By the end of it, Jungkook got all sweaty. Not to be sexual, but oh my god. Holy jesus. He's shining. Glowing. He's literally such a god, it sometimes makes you question that this is your boyfriend. Jungkook almost caught you staring at him when you looked away, and he definitely isn't gonna leave the situation like that. "C'mon you know I can give you everything." Every time he said something like that, your heart definitely would burst, stomach flipping, being this close to faint.
Clowning Kpop actors
Puh-lease. Of course we were doing hotel Del-Luna; name one person who simps over IU more than Jungkook, I'll wait. Jungkook wanted to be IU in the first place, and you both almost ended up in an argument which was soon settled down because Jungkook wanted to be the 'number 0' choice of IU's. Since this time could make both of you have a good laugh, you both decided to record it. Without any cuts or takes, eveything just in one go. Mistakes? Huh. That's an order to record everything from director Mr. Jeon Jungkook.
Monopoly
Yay! We're back to the fort!! While you were busy shaming yourself because you could literally count the number of eyelashes you had, Jungkook thought monopoly would be a good idea. "If I win, I buy you makeup. You win, I get 5 cartons of banana milk." Funny how he even thought he could win. Jungkook seemed to hve read your mind somehow, which followed lots of bickering and Jungkook changing his mind to throwing the banana milk on you instead of drinking it, you both finally decided to stop this ridiculous fight. Everything other than playing monoply was happening, and you couldn't feel better.
BONUS SINCE YOU'RE ALL THE REASON IM ALIVE <33
Twerking contest
How couldn't we do this? If it's a fun day, twerking contest definitely makes its appearance. So Jungkook started out first. It hadn't been two seconds into the performance and you could swear the last time's was way better. What is he doing? He's not even moving his butt, it's his back that's... twerking?? He's doing the complete opposite way, so you gotta show this kid how it's done. You stand up and show Jungkook, but no matter how many times you repeat, he doesn't get it. He's still trying to make his back twerk. "No, Jungkook. Listen for this one last time I'm showing you." You twerk, and this time, something happens to Jungkook. He keeps staring at you, more of like your butt, and it's his turn now, but he's in his own world. "Earth to kook??" You snap him to reality, and that's when the real Jeon Jungkook makes his appearance. It's like lightning struck him and he's twerking so good it makes you wanna learn it from him.
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smallbluelight · 3 years ago
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📏 🙃 📚 🎼
📏 What’s your go-to canvas size?
1480x1480 for simple doodles, sketches and little doodle comics. Sometimes I do finished stuff with it too.
1480x1860/1980 and switched are my go to sizes for when I decide to do backgrounds with them UvU
🙃 Which is easier: faces facing left, right, or front view?
Faces facing right! Drawing faces facing left aren't that tricky tho. However, front view... U-U
📚 How many layers do you typically use?
It depends on what Im working on.
Normal layer count would be 45-60+ layers. So usually below 100 layers. (Examples are my trio Rin, Dom and Ali and friend request stuff which all have layers that are about 45 to 60+)
Things that require so much of my time, energy and attention ranges from 200+ to 500+ layers. Yknow, things that have backgrounds. Just. Hard backgrounds.
And That Scuffle page I did, which reached 1000+ layers. Tbf, it was a comic page but still
I swear, I should cut that layer count someday fjdjdj
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I know png and the amount of layers make images and medibang's files large; but don't worry about my phone, it's fine.
🎼 Your favorite music to draw to right now?
Random playlists on yt and both Half•alive and AJR songs UvU
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sailorshadzter · 4 years ago
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im back to drop more jonsa on your timelines  👀 👀
yes i know ive written this scene ten thousand times before, dont @ me lmao 
Winterfell looms ahead, daunting with it's sharp stone peaks, the storm clad skies giving it an eerie sort of backdrop. And yet, he presses on, spurring his horse forward, well aware of the quick pace in which his heart is racing. He knows what lays ahead of him might be the worst he's faced, and yet, there's even the smallest of chances it will be the best he's faced. Though he longs for the latter, he's prepared for the first.
When he reaches the gate, darkness has begun to fall and the soldiers peer down at him from the watchtower above. "Who goes there?" One shouts, though he and the man standing beside him have already exchanged a strange, but knowing look. There wasn't a man alive in Winterfell that would not recognize him, even now.
"Jon Snow." He calls back and it takes only a moment more for the gate to creak open.
"Lord Snow," another soldier says, not kindly, but Jon can't help but to smile at the sight of his Stark livery. "I can't imagine our queen would like to see you." The man goes on, crossing his arms across his chest as Jon slides down from his horse. Another smile twitches on his lips; her men are loyal, quite certainly, and for that he is thankful. "Something funny, Snow?"
"That's enough, Quinn."
The soldier turns, seeing not just Lord Royce approaching, but Davos Seaworth, who looks far less stony faced than the ever loyal Yohn Royce. "I'll take it from here," Royce continues, gesturing for the soldier to move along, who does only after he shoots Jon a final scowl. "Jon Snow." He says evenly, though he pins sharp, angry eyes upon him. At his side, Davos shifts, clearly torn between greeting the young man with fondness and adding fuel to the fire that so surely has already begun to brew. In the end, fondness wins and before he can react, he's wrapped in the older man's warm embrace; it's something he's not felt in so long, for a moment, he can't even breathe. But soon Davos steps back and gives him a single, silent nod, but meeting his eyes, Jon understands exactly what he wished to convey. "I'm surprised to find you here at our gate."
Jon is, too, in truth.
"I was summoned." He replies, shrugging slightly.
"Summoned?" Lord Royce stammers, shaking his head, clearly surprised to hear of this. "By whom?"
"The queen herself."
After a little more back and forth, Jon is taken from the gate and swept inside, sent to the kitchens to warm himself by the ovens and eat some leftovers from that evening's meal. He's eaten no more than three spoonfuls of soup before the door to the kitchen opens and it's Davos standing there. "You might have come when she first sent for you," he says as he comes inside, the door falling closed behind him.
Jon looks away, knowing that to be true, but he hadn't been ready back then. How could he face her, how could he stood at her side, knowing what he'd done? It was true, he had done it for her, for their family, for the realm... But still yet... All he had done to get to that moment where he'd stood before Daenerys in the throne room of the Red Keep... No, he was not a man worthy of standing beside someone like her.
But perhaps now, perhaps now if she forgave him... Perhaps he will be the man to stand at her side.
"Aye..." He finally says, turning back to look up at Davos, who offers a smile. "Is she terribly angry with me?" He decides to ask, not certain he's ready to know the answer.
Davos can't help but to laugh in spite of the young man before him. "She was." He admits, sobering then, thinking back to those early days. Back to the days of a stone faced queen with eyes sharper than steel, colder than ice. Days of a queen who took to her rooms, rather than live in the lively court that most expected of Sansa Stark. But then... After so long, she began to smile again. Arya returned from her travels and it lightened her heart, softened her icy exterior. "But she was sad, too." Jon bows his head again, spoon left abandoned as his hand curls into a fist atop the table. "Your queen is a forgiving one, though, tough, but forgiving. She is soft inside yet." Jon can't help but to smile, thinking of her as she was when they reunited in King's Landing. With war braids tied into her vibrant red hair, she had rode south with an army at her back to lay claim to what was hers. "She even forgave Lord Glover, now he is one of her most loyal of men." Jon raises his eyes at this news, for he thought that would be a relationship never to be mended.
Before he can speak, the door opens again, and this time it is Lord Royce. "The queen says she will see you now," he doesn't look eager to do so, but he gestures for Jon to follow after him. Scrambling to his feet, Jon pauses only a moment to put a hand to Davos' shoulder, giving the man a nod, who smiles in response before he turns to watch Jon disappear out the door after Royce. "It's about time," he grumbles to himself before settling down in the chair Jon had vacated, helping himself to a mug of ale, hoping the young queen he's come to love will finally find true happiness.
Upstairs, Sansa is pacing.
"My lady, please," it's Shae, desperate to get her queen to cease her walking just so she might straighten her skirts and brush her hair. Here, in the privacy of Sansa's own rooms, she dares speak to her as she once did in King's Landing, though Sansa has always insisted she call her whatever she pleases. "You needn't worry," she says, catching her young queen by the hand then, forcing her to finally come to a rest at the center of the room. "He loves you still, I am certain, he will return to you without fail."
Sansa dares not believe her beloved handmaiden, but she nods like an obedient child anyways.
It's been a long two years since the day she and Jon parted ways on the docks of King's Landing, so very long that sometimes it only feels like a dream. No, not a dream, but a nightmare. Once she dreamed of violence and shadow, now she dreams of golden sunlight and a different kind of pain. "My gown, I should change my gown." She suddenly sputters, thinking that there's absolutely no way she can meet with Jon wearing the one she wears. But before she can say another word, there comes a knock to her door and she swears she might faint there on the spot.
Shae smiles, patting her cheek tenderly before she slips by, crossing the room to open the door. Sansa can see it is Lord Royce there and her heart has begun to race, faster than ever before. Shae dips a quick bow and then is stepping aside, allowing Lord Royce to step inside and at once, he's there, standing in her rooms.
Her world suddenly ceases to spin.
"Leave us." She hears herself say aloud and both her loyal Hand and handmaiden slip from the room, leaving them alone. He is as she remembers him to be, though with more beard and more curls tucked into the bun at the back of his head. Despite it all, her fingers twitch, for she longs to run her hands through his wild hair. "... Jon..." His name is a whisper upon her lips, something like a plea, something that is enough to send chills racing the length of his spine. "I can't believe you came." After all the summons, after all the months, the years, she cannot believe he's standing there in front of her.
Jon cannot take his eyes off of her; she's beautiful there in what looks to be a well worn blue wool gown, with draping sleeves and a slim fit bodice, a gown made for a queen. Her red hair is loosened from its braids and rather tumbles down her back in soft waves, enticing him all the more. "My queen." He finally speaks, saying words that for the very first time don't feel hollow, that don't feel empty. Without another word, Jon comes forward, dropping to his knees before her. She opens her mouth as if she means to interrupt, but he gives the smallest shakes of his head, silencing her before anything else is said. "I don't deserve to stand before you, I don't deserve to ask forgiveness of you, but I..." He trails off, gazing up into her steady blue gaze, emotion choking him as he fights to find the words to say. The words that might make her understand. "I want to stand at your side, if you'll have me." He wasn't ready back then, he wasn't the man she needed him to be back then when he'd left for the Night's Watch, but now... Now.... He thinks himself ready to be the man she's always needed him to be.
As she stares down at him, all the anger that she ever held within flees. It dissipates as she sinks to the floor, ignoring his protest as she levels herself with him. Everything she's ever thought, ever felt, fades away as she takes his face between her palms, tears misting in her eyes as a smile curves on her lips. "What took you so long?" Is all she asks instead, her words eliciting something like a chuckle from him. There in the moment, all that remains is the love she's always kept in her heart for him, all that still yet remains in her heart is the warmth of him, the strength of him. Everything about him that makes her happy, that makes her whole.
Before she can say another word, before he thinks to speak again, he draws her into his arms. Two long, cold, lonely years he's spent without her, without knowing the warmth of her skin against his. This moment he's imagined hundreds, if not thousands of times, but no dream could ever compare to what he felt right then with her so truly in his arms. "I was lost," he breathes against her head, the familiar scent of rosewater still clings to her hair. The realization brings a soft smile to his face. "But you guided me home." She's drawing back, blue eyes finding gray, her rosy lips curving with the most beautiful of smiles. In the golden firelight, she is radiant.
It takes only a moment more for his lips to find hers and in that moment, her world begins to spin again.
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jjpmoans · 5 years ago
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oxygen | im jaebeom
 wc : 2.5k+
warnings : fluff (overload, i don’t know, I sucked at fluff)
a/n : Happy Valentine’s Day! May your Valentines gets better with this fic! To those without boyfriend, lets indulge the sweetness!
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Parents are of different kinds; they definitely are not the same as your friends' parents. Sometimes your friends' parents sound too cool that you wonder why your parents aren't the same. Your friends get to go out anywhere at any time while you have curfews, no more outings after 9 o'clock at night. It sucks, yes. But you do know why your parents are strict as well. You just wish them to be more lenient sometimes.
"No?" your best friend pouts in disappointment when you said you can't be his Valentine date. You shake your head again, playing with your lunch as he scoots closer and hugs your waist. "But I thought Mom loves me? I think she will give an exemption if you say it's me."
Your heart thumps at the proximity given Jaebeom's chin rests on your shoulder; his nose nudging your cheeks as he whispers the plan. You can never guess when Jaebeom will make your heart flutter but now you think it's better for him not to be close to you because your heart isn't fluttering, it is close to exploding.
"Jaebeom. People are watching." you tell him when you feel the gazes burning on both of you. Partly because being sweet in the college cafeteria is definitely not right but partly because how the college bad boy is snuggling up against the girl from the Student Council.
Or best known as the Vice President of Student Council, Park Jinyoung's right man.
He whines as you try to move away, pulling you closer by your waist. "Let them be."
"I am angy because you don't want to go out with me tomorrow night!" he huffs, sulking even more.
You stare at him in disbelief as he puffs his cheeks to melt you. "Did you just use the word 'angy'? Im Jaebeom? Really?" 
"What's wrong with using that word?" he sounds offended now, pouts getting more prominent and ready to throw some spoon in your direction. "I AM angy with you." 
You coo, pinching his cheeks to calm him down. "The school baddest boy just used a cute word. I need to commemorate this!" you squealed, bringing out your phone to record him. "Say you're angy with me again!" 
To your surprise, he repeats, pouting even harder to please you. He knows you love it and he has no problem repeating it over and over again. Jaebeom is the softest when he's with you, that is a fact. You don't know how much control you have on him but you're not deaf either. People have been talking about how Jaebeom hasn't been smoking for some time now, which immediately reminds you of his deal with you three months ago. 
"Hello Jinyoung's right man." he called as you passed by him, his scent reeked of cigarette smoke. You hated smokers to your core but you can still stand their smell. However, if they want to talk to you, they better be clean from smoke. Which is why you just ignored his call. "Oh. I can't talk to you because you have a title? I am not entitled to speak to Ms Vice President?"
 Okay that would be enough. You were not going to let him call you someone arrogant. Instead you whipped your head, finding his interested eyes on you. "I hate smokers. Even if they are my President's friend, which totally have no correlation. If you want to talk to me, then stop smoking. After that we talk."
 "I am deeply offended if you're thinking about another man while I'm right here in front of you." Jaebeom snaps you out of your thoughts making you smile right away. Your stretch makes him melt again, grins plastered on his face.
You pinch his cheeks again, caressing it before turning to your lunch. "Tell you what, let me ask mom once again. If I can't, I'll send you a text." 
Jaebeom nods enthusiastically, not without crossing his hands to chant 'please mom please mom please.' 
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You send the text with a heavy heart, guilt washes all over you when you remember how excited Jaebeom was to hear news from you. Suddenly you hated your parents even though you do understand that they want you to be safe especially at nights. It's Valentine's night and most of your friends are probably at the party doing god-knows-what while you are here on your bed in your pyjamas watching a Netflix romance movie.
Very romantic.
It has been a good 40 minutes of sadness because the main lead is currently shoving his tongue down the female lead throat before you hear a knock on your door, pausing you in your feelings. You stand up, leaving the bed and head over to your door. Upon opening it, you find no one at the door. Wicked since you are sure that you heard someone knock. Or could it be the window? But the knock should be different and you're not dumb to not differentiate between a door knock or a window knock. 
You close the door again however; you jump when an unexpected visitor appears behind the door. 
"Hello." 
"Jaebeom!" you scream in hushed, quickly check the door and lock it. You will be a dead meat if your mom decides to check you in. However, Jaebeom can't care less. He is grinning, looking at you up and down, scanning your frightened state. You on the other hand are in panic and reach for his hand to tug him away from the door. "What are you doing here!?" 
Still panicked, you look around to see which direction he was coming from. Jaebeom shrugs, sending you a wink before heading to your bed and climbing it to sit in the middle of your bed.
"I am your Valentine date." he explains with no hint of fear on his face. He definitely has nothing to fear or probably he is too dumb to realise that your dad can definitely chop his head off. 
"But I told you I can't go on that date!" 
"Which is why," he gestures to you to come closer to which you follow hesitantly and crosses your hand. "I bring the date to you." 
You are still unsure of this crazy plan because there is no way a boy exists in your room even though your parents know him. Jaebeom must have sensed it because he reaches for your hand and softly assure you by rubbing it. 
"Come on. I'll leave after midnight." he looks at his watch, chewing his lower lips. "Or whenever you want after you spend the Valentine date with me." 
You let out a sigh, relieved probably, at his promise. "Okay. After midnight okay?" 
He nods, his smile comes alive after he knows you have let your guards down. He knows how scary your parents are but he can always find a plan to spend the day with you even if it costs his life. 
"Hey." you call. "It's not I don't want you to be here. I just- I'm scared that mom and dad will find you. I don't want you to get scolded." 
Instead of replying, he pulls you towards him, comfortable situating you both against the headboard, his hand around your arm. 
"It's okay. Now let me be your boyfriend for the night." he offers a smile, then pressing a kiss on your forehead to start the date. "What are you watching?"
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The movie ends one hour later together with a box of pizza, sandwiches, popcorn and cokes. You never thought Jaebeom is capable of setting a picnic but he really brought the whole date to you, with a basket -- yes he did -- and climbed to your room. 
"I can't believe you climbed to my room." you say in his arm after you requested for a cuddle. Cuddling with Jaebeom is really nice, partly because he is the only one you cuddle with after your dad and partly because you think his hugs are really warm. "With the basket even!" 
Jaebeom laughs to agree with you, he was surprised with himself too. He never thought he could climb the wall, he even cursed at himself for trying too hard but oh the things he would do for you. 
"I can't help it. How can I leave you to a party when you're up here alone?" he reasons but he knows that is a blatant lie. He is attracted to you and he knows you won't leave his mind even if he associates with other girls at the party. The bad boy inside him ceases to extinction when he meets you. "I need to warm your lonely night." 
"Cheesy yes?" you laugh. Jaebeom has never felt that way, never had a girl put him on a spell. He feels like he has been caught in a complicated feeling, he feels like his heart is going to burst every time he sees you. His days will not be complete if he hasn't talked to you and like the other days, his day ended well whenever he talked to you. You act like his oxygen supply, constantly giving him new breath of his life. 
"Hey." he incline to your side while you play with the hem of his shirt. Jaebeom wears white shirt and a pair of jeans but as expected from a bad boy, he will always look handsome and hot. A simple outfit but he manages to make you swoon. "Can I tell you something?" 
Maybe you like him. That is the reason why your heart explodes every time he gives cheesy comments or even pouts. You wish you are certain of this feeling because unlike Jaebeom, you don't want to beat around the bush. However, knowing this probably will affect your relationship with him, you can't risk it. You still have a long year to go and really, you can't afford to lose him. 
"Hm... what is it?" you're drawing circles on his chest while you rest your head against his arms. You swear you heard his breath hitches when the tip of your nail grazes his chest a little hard and his biceps contracted. 
"I think I like you." 
The first thing that comes across your head is 'fuck. he like me! fuck yes.' then the next thing is 'fuck no he is my best friend.' 
"Baby say something." you can hear his heart rate increases rapidly as your silence continues. Even that, your hand is still on his chest, not pulling away. "Are you mad? I'm sorry. I just- I can't hold it in." 
"Why?" is the first word that comes from you. "Why can't you hold it?" You're not mad. You're curious. Why does he feel the urge to tell you he likes you? Damn now you are scared because instead of feeling neutral, you had to admit you feel giddy when he said he likes you. 
Fuck, do you like him too? Yeah you think so. If you don't, you must be freaking out now since you don't know how to reject people. 
"I can't hold it in because I wanted to kiss you the moment I climbed through the window just now." he confesses, throwing you off guard. "I just-- I can't. You look so stunning even in your pyjamas and oh god your messy hair. I want to wake up to it every day."
"I look like a monster when I wake up in the morning, Jaebeom." you laugh in astonishment. To say you're shocked is an understatement, but you had never thought Jaebeom can be as sweet as this, wanting to wake up to you. You have it in your bucket list but you never thought it would be with Jaebeom because honestly, you're out of Jaebeom's league. 
"My beautiful monster then." he pulls you closer by your waist, your chest bumps to his. "My goodness you smell so good. I'm going crazy with you beside me. I wanted all of you to myself and I can tell those fuckers at school to fuck off and don't look at my woman." 
You feel giddy, high up in the cloud nine that you grin as soon as Jaebeom aligns his face to yours. "I haven't said I agree to be your girlfriend, Beommie." 
"Fuck." he turns his head away to swear, coming back to press a peck on your lips. "Call me that again." 
You giggle, calling his name again. "Beommie. I haven't agreed to be your girl, Beommie." at this point you are very sure that you too, like him. 
He sucks in a deep breath and opens his eyes, staring straight into your eyes. However, he can't maintain a 5 seconds eye contact with you, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. "Fuck you're so beautiful and look at what you did to me." 
You hum as his breath tickles your neck. "Beom-ah." to that he lets out a rough huff, affected by the pet name which you laugh, ruffling his hair. "You still need to get me to agree, you know." 
"You're contemplating it without me having to ask. Isn't it clear that you will be my girl?" he appears from your neck, now having the courage to talk to you. 
"What if I don't want to?" your giggle intensifies as Jaebeom's eyes grow wide and his pout starts to form. 
"I guess I have to curse you to be single until you're mine." 
"That's not nice!" you're definitely crazy. You feel like a love-strucked teenage girl, giggling for 5 minute straight. As the vice president of Student Council, it is your second demeanor to be cold and stay unaffected by any means. However, that is one power that Jaebeom holds over you, to make you like a teenage girl again. 
"Will you be my girl, baby?" he whispers to you and only you. His eyes hold yours, reflecting the love he has for you. You never thought he is capable of holding this much love since his reputation as the bad boy but you guess the three months you had with him serves as a reminder that this bad boy has a story behind him. He is capable of loving, to shower someone with affection and a very deep person behind the cold mask. 
"Yes, Jaebeom." you let out the breath that you don't know you're holding, relieved as you agreed to be his. 
"Hmm, wrong answer." 
"Yes, beom-ah. I'll be your girl" Your pet name makes him grin again, even wider this time and he shows them by dropping countless pecks across your face. "My goodness, Jaebeom!" you squeal but did nothing to tell him. 
Jaebeom is halfway on top of you, his arm on either side of yours, caging you effectively. 
"My girl." he smiles, capturing you for a kiss, molding your lips with his. Your lips fit perfectly with his as he deepens for more, nose touching at the proximity. 
He releases your lips which are all swollen and red, looking satisfied with his own work. 
"Mine." 
"Yours." you reply as he leans to capture your lips for another kiss. 
"Happy Valentine's Day, baby."
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pinkykitten · 5 years ago
Text
never give UP
Stranger Things
Billy Hargrove x female! reader
Warning: car accident, hospital, drinking and driving (do not do pls), speeding (also do not do), mentions of abuse, mentions of suicide, alcohol
Specifics: angst, romance, race neutral reader, one-shot
People: billy hargrove, max mayfield, neil hargrove, your dad, your mom, your doctor 
Words: 1,747
Request: By @intheendyouwillalwayskneel Hi, could I please get a Billy x romantic reader where Billy is speeding and they get into a wreck and she is permanently injured. Maybe she lurches forward and hits her head on the the breaking windshield. Then develops a brain hemorrhage and falls into a coma. Billy is horrified and heartbroken because it's all his fault.
Authors Note: wow this one i think i went a little overboard with the drama and story srry im a bit of a drama queen so ta-ta. this has a lot of things in it so if u cant read it or dont want to read it no shame and no hate, u do u. i do hope for those to read it to like it cuz i wanted to think outside the box. srry this took me quite a while to make another story ive just been rlly busy lately atm. 
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Crazy little thing called love played loudly on the speakers in Billy’s car. The windows were opened as the wind howled against your ears. The car’s engine roared as it sped down the darkly lit street. It was late at night and some folks would say that it was too dangerous for a drive but you and Billy were daredevils. You were opened to a rebellious chapter in your life after you met Billy. He was willing to take risks, he was the bad boy you would read every night in your romance books. 
Your hand danced in the air outside of the window, creating a wave against the waving trees. You sang to the music as Billy laughed. He laughed like a mad man, feeling the adrenaline rush through his body. You and him howled like a bunch of crazy teenagers you were. You were young and you wanted to live your life. 
“So how is this y/n? Is this wild enough for ya?” Billy shouted over the blaring music. 
You took a swig of some alcohol located under the seat. It burned your throat as the liquid made its way down. You gave a look of disgust. Billy chuckled and took a drink himself, “too strong for you?”
You shook your head as you felt light. Alcohol still new to you so that small sip made you feel tipsy. You scooted closer to Billy and wrapped your hands around his face, bringing him closer to you. You kissed his lips and his cheek. Your lips made their way to his earlobe, biting lightly on the skin and then whispering into his ear, “Crazy turns me on.”
Billy raised his brow as he smirked, “is that so!” As quick as light his foot stepped on the gas pedal making the car seem to fly through the air. The miles were going higher and higher. At first you were having fun, enjoying the excitement but now it was getting too dangerous. Your smile disappeared and instead a frown was found on your face. You were actually scared.
“Billy okay thats enough. Slow down.”
He would not. Instead he sped more. 
“Billy, I said stop it!” You were shaking. The car was going so fast that any minute it felt as if it would turn over and tumble around. Billy cackled loudly. His old, selfish attitude resurfacing. Out from the turn came a truck. Billy was speeding to such a degree that the car was zig-zagging. The car and the truck were about to make contact. Billy was like a deer in headlights. His laughing stopped and now all he did was freeze. He didn’t know what to do. He quickly lifted his hand to go across your body while your hands laid against the steering wheel. The wheel turned and the car spun out of control. It missed the truck but rolled down a grassy hill. The spin was so rough that you lunged forward, hitting your head against the windshield. 
Billy quickly made sure you were alright but was met with a distraught view. Your head laid back against the seat. Your forehead was bloody and blood dripped out of your nose. You laid unconscious. Billy was so scared for you. He shook you, wanting you to wake up, “Y/n! Y/n! Please y/n please wake up. Please, I’m sorry.” Tears started to pour out of his eyes. He wanted you to be safe, to be happy. 
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He felt so guilty. Seeing you in the hospital bed, machines and things poking into you. It was all his fault. He would visit you everyday, no matter what. You weren’t respondent though, you were in a coma. Every day he hoped and prayed that you would wake up from it. It didn’t matter if you didn’t want to see him anymore or hated him he just needed you awake and alive. Your parents were furious. He would dodge seeing them every time. They wanted to kill him and probably stop him from seeing you but he couldn’t let that happen. 
He needed to see you. 
Billy entered into your room, flowers in hand. He set the flowers in a vase and put them beside you on the table. The doctor told him that even though you couldn’t move or be aware of anything you still could hear. Billy would always speak to you. He would tell you about his day, about your gifts, about your family. Even though he was going through a rough time at his home, you mattered more to him. 
“Hey babe, its me Billy. I got you your favorite flowers today,” he softly massaged your hands. Hating seeing them motionless. Billy had cried so much during this time with you. He hated himself more now if that was even possible. He felt he was a failure to everyone, to you, to Max, to his mother. He felt he was just a waste. Tears started to drip from his eyes onto his cheek, “you know Max made a card for you.” He chuckles seeing the odd stickers on it and the drawings. He placed it next to your flowers. “She hopes you feel better and she misses you. I miss you too. Your parents miss you.” Silence. He despised the silence. He just wished you would jump out from that bed and live. “Baby, you gotta wake up. It doesn’t have to be for me, its has to be for your parents and for yourself. I’m so sorry for putting you through this. Its all my fault. I should be the one there not you, me!’
A knock filled in the silence. Quickly, Billy wiped his tears and saw that it was the doctor who came in. “Is everything alright here?”
Billy nodded. “Is everything okay doctor?”
“Well...y/n is going to have some complications if she wakes up from this coma. She developed a brain hemorrhage and we’re looking at maybe some sort of paralysis. We’re suspecting half of her body but it may be more, we’re not 100 percent sure.”
Billy was shocked and he couldn’t stop himself from crying.
“You monster!” Your father came in along with your mother. Your father ran up to Billy and clutched onto his denim jacket, tears also coming down his face. “How could you do this to my daughter?” The doctor was trying to stop the fight but your father was so irate. Your mother was sobbing in the background and Billy wished in that moment he was dead. Your father shook Billy and screamed at him. “You did this to her. Take a good look at her!” Billy turned to the side and saw you. You laid there calm. Tubes connected to you. “I never want to see you again. Not here, not now, not ever. If she wakes up from this she is banned from seeing or even talking about you. You will stop seeing her here and I swear to God if you think about walking in here again I will make sure you go through the same sufferings as my daughter!” Your dad shoved Billy out of the room and Billy ran out of the hospital. Sobbing silently, alone, quietly outside. Wishing the nightmares would just end. 
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Billy had tried to see you in the hospital but your father was always there and the doctors knew he wasn’t allowed there anymore. Billy made a turn for the worst. He just couldn’t live without you. He started to go to alcohol for comfort, missing school and his temper rising even more, taking it out on Max. He was a mess. It was either feeling guilty over what happened with you or getting abused. There was no happiness for Billy. 
Billy had woken up with a hangover. Throwing up in the toilet. He was done with this life. Then the doorbell rang. Billy thought it was another one of Max’s loser friends so he called out to her. There was no answer. “Max! I said get the God da*n door!” There was still no answer. Billy walked over the door, cursing to himself as the room started to spin. As he opened the door he was greeted with your face. You stood there, smiling, a cane in your hand as you leaned on if for support. Billy opened his mouth wide in shock, thinking he was dreaming as he sometimes had dreams or feelings that he saw his mother sometimes. 
“Is that really you y/n?”
You nodded and jumped onto him for a hug. You gently caressed his curls. “Its me Billy. Its really me.”
“Wait,” he backed away from you. “No this isn’t right. You hate me! You’re supposed to hate me! I hurt you. I did this all to you. I’m, I’m a monster!” He started to cry as his lips trembled. 
You shook your head, “no, no Billy. Its okay,” you cradled him in your arms. “I’m fine now. I feel better.” You looked into his eyes. “Look at me, you are not a monster. I don’t hate you Billy, I could never. I forgive you for what happened but there was nothing to forgive in the first place. I love you Billy. With every fiber in my body I love you. I could never be apart from you. I know about all the things you did in the hospital. All the things you said, the gifts, Billy that wasn’t hate that was love. You did all that because you love me. What we both did was wrong that day. We should of never drank and speed, but its in the past know, we learn from our mistakes. I’m not like your parents or anybody else in your life that leaves you. I’m staying put right beside you forever. You can never get rid of me.”
Billy felt speechless in that moment. How did he get so lucky to be with you? What did he do to deserve such an angel as yourself? Billy embraced you again, “I love you so much y/n. I love you so much.” He kept repeating. You placed your hands on his jaw and kissed his lips lovingly. Billy was so grateful to have you in his life. Even though his life with his dad was not easy he had you to lean on. He had you to make him smile and laugh. He had you to keep him going and to remind him to never give up. 
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turtle-steverogers · 5 years ago
Text
Hero Complex
lmao hi IM BACK i wrote a fic pfffff it’s kind Shit cuz i started writing at midnight and now its 2:40 am so excuse the BAD WRITING dajfdslkfjalsdkfs
warnings: fire, mentions of death (kinda graphic ish, sad), crying
ship: ralbert
word count: 2762
-
Earlier
“Just- don’t try to be a hero, dumbass.”
Albert’s fingers freeze on the top button of his uniform, eyes darting up to study Race’s face.  He bites back a sigh, something weighing down on his chest as the fear in his boyfriend’s eyes grows.  
“That’s the whole point of my job,” He says softly, “But I’ll be careful.”
Race nods, wordlessly handing him his helmet.  Albert takes it, drawing in a deep breath to steady his hands.  Queso lifts his head from his paws, looking at the two of them questioningly before padding across the room and nudging Albert’s knee.  He lets out the breath he’d been holding and bends over the slightest bit to scratch behind Queso’s ears.  No matter how many calls his squadron responded to, his nerves still managed to run high.
“That’s all I ask,” Race responds, gently tilting Albert’s jaw and kissing him intently.  Albert presses back, heart kicking double time as adrenaline starts to overcome him.  He pulls back, the need to move overtaking him.  
“I gotta go,” He says, shifting the helmet onto his head, “I’ll be home later…”
The unspoken, ‘hopefully’, rings loudly in the air.  Albert really hates this part of the job.
Race nods, dropping his hand from Albert’s face and squeezing his bicep briefly, “Go.  Be safe.  I love you.”
Albert smiles, but it feels strained, “I love you, too.”
Now
“Dasilva, get that room on the right!  Some kid’s in there!”
Albert swears under his breath, shooting a quick nod to Finch as he hurries past him, carrying an infant in one arm and shielding a young looking mother with the other.  He grimaces, adjusting the mask on his face as the building gives the second unsettling creak in as many minutes.  
In the three years that he’s worked for the FDNY, he’d never seen a building fire this destructive.  Details were still being investigated, but from what had been gathered, an apparent fireball had formed on the 14th floor, engulfing the top four floors of the building and spreading quickly to the lower levels.  The casualty count was already tragically high, but between the first responders and following squadrons showing up to the scene, the fatality rate was going down.  
That didn’t make it any less gut-wrenching.  
Albert crosses to the apartment Finch had pointed him to and easily knocked the handle off the door.  He knocked once, calling a loud warning into the room before shouldering the door, which gave way easily thanks to the heat. 
In the corner of the room, a young boy sat cowering against the wall, arms wrapped protectively around an even younger girl.  Panicked breaths were coming vehemently from the pair and as Albert gets nearer to them, he can see the tear tracks that cut through the soot.  He crouches down, trying to seem nonthreatening.
“Are your parents here?” He asks, raising his voice over the roaring flames.
The little boy lets out a sob, pointing a trembling hand to the room adjacent to them.  Albert glances to the side, nausea rolling in his stomach as he takes in the flames licking under the closed door.  Whoever is in there, sure isn’t getting out.  
“Okay,” Albert takes a deep breath, turning back to the siblings, “I need you both to take your shirts and pull them over your mouths and noses, okay?”
He waits for them to do so, then scoops them both up easily, ensuring that they have secure grips on his shoulders, before moving swiftly out of the room.  The building lets out another threatening creak and Albert falters, trying to map out the safest route in his head.  He settles on running to the stairs on the southside of the building, opposite of where the fireball had started.
Five excruciating minutes later, Albert is able to exit the building, immediately seeking out some paramedics and dumping the kids in their care.  He turns back around, taking a deep breath before running back towards the building.
“People still up there?” Spot, another commissioner, calls.
“I don’t know!” Albert calls back, “But we can’t risk leaving anyone!”
“This building’s ‘boutta go down, man!” Spot shouts, jogging up to him.
“I don’t care,” Albert says, firmly, tightening the strap on his helmet, “If I can even get one more person out, that’s one more life saved.”
“Alright,” Spot concedes, “But I’m coming with you.”
Albert nods, steeling himself.
“Don’t try to be a hero…”
Race’s words echo in his head and he bites his lip, casting a hurried glance in the direction of their apartment complex, across the Brooklyn Bridge.
“Sorry, Racer,” He murmurs, hesitating for a short moment before running back into the building.
-
A recently opened beer bottle sits forgotten on the table as Race paces anxiously in front of the TV, a cigarette dangling loosely from his lips.  He’s not entirely sure why he’s smoking.  The thing that usually eases his worries only worsening the sick feeling in his stomach as smoke rolls over his tongue, parallel to the cloud of smoke he’s watching climb higher and higher from the building until it billows off-screen.
This routine is familiar, but it never gets easier.  Letting Albert go will never fucking get easier.  It feels like he’s dumping him into the jaws of death, fire biting at his ankles every time he leaves through their apartment door.  
But he does let him go, allowing himself to grow sick with worry as he immediately searches for whatever information he can find, usually settling on the local news and popping open a beer or lighting a cigarette.  Maybe both.  More often than not, they remain unfinished.
He lets out a frustrated hum, stubbing his half-smoked cigarette out in the ashtray they keep on the coffee table.  He forces himself to sit down and drags a sweaty hand down his face.  Albert had been gone for a good two hours by now, but the fire doesn’t look like it’s getting any closer to being put out.  If any, it looks worse.
Every time a firefighter passes by the camera, Race’s stomach does a violent flip.  He can’t really tell who’s who underneath their face shields and helmets, but it doesn’t stop him from trying to differentiate them.  
Once, the news caught a clip of a firefighter being wheeled into the back of an ambulance looking very much not alive and Race had been violently sick for an hour before Albert came home and assured him that it was not him and he was okay.
That had been a bad fucking night.
Suddenly, the face of the reporter on screen morphs into one of sheer terror and the camera shifts sideways to show the building, crumbling in on itself.  There’s a moment where no one seems to react and Race scrambles to unmute the channel.  Screams ring through the speaker as the reporter and the cameraman run for shelter.  
Race feels his eyes go wide, but he can’t look away.  Somewhere to his left, Queso lets out a whimper, but he can’t find it in himself to look.  A second later, he feels Queso hop up next to him on the couch cushions and settle his weight against his side.
A million frantic thoughts crowd Race’s mind, eventually settling on the horrible debate of whether Albert is in the building or not.  Part of him wants to believe that he got away in time, but logic tells him that the idiot was probably in the building until the last second, searching for straggling survivors.  Fucking dumb shit.  Always has to be a fucking hero.
Sometimes he really hates Albert’s lack of self-preservation over others.
Scratch that.
He always hates it.
He runs his hand through his hair, pulling it almost painfully as his chest tightens.  Taking a deep breath, he presses his knuckles to his eyes, trying to stave off the oncoming panic attack.  He has to stay calm.  If Albert is alive and got out of there unharmed, he’s going to need Race to be a rock for him tonight.
Race takes another deep breath, letting it out slower this time as the vice that previously gripped his lungs loosens a bit.  He can do this.  He just needs to be patient.
He watches the news for another few minutes, picking at his cuticles distractedly as shots of firefighters and paramedics work to reign in the newly charged chaos.  Then, he clicks off the TV, heaves himself off the couch and begins to prepare for Albert’s (hopeful) return back home.
He puts some more food and water in Queso’s bowls, then crosses to the bathroom to take a quick shower.  The water is too hot and he drops the bar of soap three times before he can steady his hands enough to use it.  
He dresses himself mechanically, then digs through their dresser for Albert’s favorite pair of briefs, sweatpants, and a hoodie, setting them neatly on the end of the bed.  As an afterthought, he grabs a fresh towel and washcloth from the closet and sets them on the toilet in the bathroom.  
It’s doubtful that Albert will want to eat much of anything if- no, when he gets home, but Race busies himself in throwing together a quick pasta primavera nonetheless.  If anything, the cooking helps to settle his own nerves a bit.
Another hour passes and Race has managed to finish cooking, eat a little, and clean up the kitchen, all the while forcing down the ever-growing wave of dread.
He’s starting to run out of distracting things to do, so he picks up the book he’s been reading and settles on the couch, eyes scanning the pages, but not comprehending a thing.  
45 minutes later, the front door unlocks and opens.
Race is off the couch before it can swing back closed.
Albert doesn’t look at Race as he hangs his helmet on it’s hook, but Race can already tell that it’s going to be a rough night.  Despite the gear protecting every inch of Albert’s body, his face and hair are covered in a thick layer of ash.  He’s still dressed in his turnout pants, but his uniform top has seemingly been abandoned at some point on his return home.  The sharp tense of his shoulder has rendered his movements stiff and Race watches in carefully masked concern as he tugs off his boots.  
Once they’re dutifully lined by the door, Albert straightens up, looking at Race for the first time, a dull, haunted look in his eyes.
For a moment, Race is scared that he’s going to breakdown then and there, but Albert only clears his throat and croaks, “I need to shower.”
Queso is lingering by the kitchen entrance, but he seems to sense that his company would not be very well received right now.  Race nods at Albert, bending down to pluck one of Queso’s toys from the ground and tossing it in the direction of the kitchen.  He hears the slow patter of Queso’s paws on the tile and sees him pad out of the room in his peripheral.
“Let’s get you out of those pants before you do anything else,” Race says in a measured voice, working to sound easy, but firm.
It’s a testament to how fucked up Albert must be feeling that he doesn’t make a dirty joke at that.
Albert barely moves as Race unbuttons his turnout pants and eases them down his hips.  His gaze is unwavering as he stares blankly across the room.  Race can hear his slightly erratic breathing and it seems as if the adrenaline has yet to wear off.
“Lift up for a sec, love,” Race says, tapping at Albert’s socked feet and waiting for him to lift his legs one by one, allowing for Race to fully remove his pants.
“You can go shower now,” Race says, standing back up, “do you need me to come with you?”
Albert shakes his head, “No, I’m-I’m good.”
“You sure?” 
Albert nods, “Yeah, just- yeah, I’m good.
“Okay,” Race smiles a little, trying to look encouraging, “Shout if you need me, though.”
Albert nods again and makes a stiff beeline for the bathroom.  A few minutes later, Race hears the shower turn on.  He crosses to their bedroom to find that Albert took the clothes he’d set out in with him.
He smiles a little more genuinely as he crawls into bed.  Rolling onto his side, he busies himself with his phone while he waits for Albert to finish up, turning up the brightness to keep himself awake.  Albert was bound to take a while in the shower tonight.  He always does after missions.
A half hour later, he hears the bathroom door open and close and a moment later, the bed behind him dips as Albert joins him under the covers.  Race clicks off his phone and sets it on his bedside table, shifting onto his back as Albert settles into his arms.
“Want me to keep the lights on or off?” He asks quietly, pressing a little kiss into Albert’s now clean hair.  It’s still a little wet and smells strongly like the coconut shampoo he likes to use.
Albert nestles closer, pressing his nose to Race’s neck, “Off, please.”
Race extracts his arm momentarily to flip off the lamp switch, then draws Albert in protectively.  The silence between them stretches on for what could be hours, but Race knows Albert is still awake.
This is also part of the routine.  If Albert wants to talk, he will, but if he’d rather just lie quietly and process, Race wasn’t going to push him.
But he’d stay up with him either way.  There’s no way in hell he’d leave him to handle this alone in any capacity.
Eventually, the silence is broken by a soft whimper, then a short sniffle and Race feels Albert tuck his face further into his collarbone.  He feels his heart break in his chest, but he wills himself to remain steady as he tightens his hold on Albert.
A moment later, Albert begins to cry in earnest and Race presses a firm kiss to the crown of his head, shushing him.  
“I’ve got you,” He murmurs as Albert fists his hand in his nightshirt, holding on like a lifeline, “I’m here and I’ve got you.”
“There-there was a little girl on a fire escape,” Albert hiccups, “and she was screaming for her mom and I was about to go back in to get her, Race, I was about to go get her!  But the building…” he trails off, an awful keening noise sounding from his throat.
Race blinks back his own tears, rubbing a hand up and down Albert’s back, “You did what you could, baby.”
Albert shakes his head, “But it-it wasn’t enough.” His words are stilted- broken- and his breathing is harsh and heaving.
Race maneuvers them so they’re lying side to side, facing each other.  He cradles Albert’s head with one hand and rests the palm of his other hand on his cheek, brushing away his tears with the pad of his thumb.
“It wasn’t your fault,” He whispers firmly, “There’s nothing else you could have done.  You can’t save everyone.”
Albert closes his eyes, biting his lower lip hard enough to draw blood as he tries to take slower breaths.
“I wish I could,” Albert says after a lingering pause, “It’s fucked up.”
“It is,” Race says, “But you helped a lot of people get out of there today, you did a lot, Albert.”
Albert doesn’t answer, just tucks himself closer to Race, breathing in his warmth.  
“Rest, baby,” Race mutters, knowing that neither of them are really going to sleep that night, “I’ve got you, you can relax now.”
Albert lets out a shaky sigh and Race feels his heart grow heavier still.  The concern, grief, and anger at the world for plaguing Albert with the fucked up trauma that accompanies his job are indiscernible from one another.  He wishes more than anything that he could take away his pain, but he also knows that’s as naive as wishing he’d quit.
The most he can do is be there for him, even if there’s nothing he could say to truly make it better.
But he can be there and maybe that’ll be enough.
“I love you,” He breathes, lacing their hands together, “I’m here.”
Albert squeezes his hand, “I know,” he pauses, “I love you, too.”
And for a second, things are a little okay.
-
yeah, so im still alive!
anyway
thanks for reading, chiefs
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