#i sure put a lot of effort into crap that dont matter | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kewltie · 5 years ago

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anyway, abo au where alpha prohero ground zero decides it's time to start a family of his own but he doesn't have a mate and neither does he want one so he signs up for an omega surrogate program & meet his former childhood friend who will now carry his baby for him.

izuku is a male omega w/ v v v high fertility even for his secondary sex and a strong body which make him an ideal surrogate to give birth healthy babies. w/ the program izuku contracted, izuku had given birth to several babies for various ppl over the years & babies are all happy and that's all that matter.

being a surrogate wasn't ever part of his dream but izuku is an omega & quirkless in a world that doesn't exactly appreciate either. one day when he was fruitlessly working at his 9 to 5 job, a rep from the company approached him w/ a pamphlet about surrogacy. the paid is v v good, the prenatal care & pregnancy compensation is all taken care of by the clients and his company, and he can select and choose which jobs to take. many families and ppl in the world cant have kids of their own for various reasons and izuku is HELPING THEM ACHIEVE THEIR DREAM. in his own way izuku is helping these people!!!! He may not be saving lives has a hero that he always wanted to be but he's giving them their hope and dream in a child they all want so izuku does his job proudly. the only sadness he gets from it that once it's over the baby isn't his anymore bc he's contracted to sign over his parental rights to his clients.

so he tries desperately not to fall desperately in love w/ each of the babies he had. it's... tough but he loves them all the same. the good point is that some of his clients will let him talk and meet w/ their child’s birth parent so izuku isn't deprived of that connection.

it's a quiet and unconventional job, but izuku is happy w/ this lifestyle that he had chosen even as it make DATING AN ABSOLUTE pain. how do you explain to ppl that no you're not marry yet or date anyone but you have several kids floating around all over japan in various household??? lol /o\ this made him feel terribly alone thinking how he wants a family of his own one day after seeing how he's making his client so happy w/ their new baby in their arms. happiness wrapped in a surreal sadness as he watched his babies w/ their new family wishing for that happiness for himself one day but while izuku is settled in his bubble of melancholy an solitude, katsuki BUSTED DOWN THAT DOOR when he made a requested to have a surrogate. NOT JUST ANYONE WILL DO, the best one you FUCKING GOT: experience, results, good health, strong quirk, smart, and not some fucking easy omega.

the qualifications and requirements are obscene and ridiculous lolol but he paid through the roof to get the absolute best for his future child. izuku hits every one of these markers except... for the quirk one. the program hesitate to bring the two to meet but katsuki is impatience. he had been delayed and delayed over and over again for months as they try to match up a good surrogate partner for him. every one of them he had quickly rejected v v loudly and walked out on the meeting. izuku is literally their last hope as katsuki throws another fit.

katsuki is getting older now, close to his 30s annd still stuck in singlehood while all his colleagues and friends settle down with a family of their own. his parents, esp his old hag, has been relentlessly nagging him to GIVE HER A BABY ALREADY SHE WANTS TO BE A GRANDMA BEFORE SHE DIE so w/ all kind of pressures, he said fuck it, i'll give you a fucking BABY but i dont need a mate to do it but in truth he earnestly does want a baby for his own bc the idea of raising a tiny human w/ all the trails and errors and potentially fucking up is humbling & huge responsibility. he thinks he’s up for it like the pro-stage where he's standing at the top now, he can conquered it w sheer force and effort as he does w/ any challenge that he face. Parenthood will be his greatest battle and hurdle he has to overcome and he's going to fucking ACE IT. so katsuki is 10000% in this and he wants the best surrogate for his baby.

the program finally have izuku & katsuki meet after wasting 5 months of trying to find katsuki a suitable partner that he won't reject right away. so their first meeting go something like this: multiple slam doors, a table is flipped, and a lot of yelling.

it went great because izuku is hired right away. Just kidding.

katsuki had thought it was some giant fucking joke the moment izuku had walked through that door. "Who the fuck set this up?!" he demanded, kicking a coffee table over. so furious that his hands were shaking bc the idea of the length he'd went through and hoops he'd jumped over to get here JUST SO HE CAN BE MAKE A FOOL OUT OF, he'd stormed out a sec later, slamming doors violently on his way out and they had to dragged his ass back w/ the fervent promise that no IT'S NOT A PRANK AND WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO W/ CHARGEBOLT OR RED RIOT, PLS PLS LISTEN TO US.

he came back to izuku's unperturbed face as he took a sip of his coffee and katsuki snapped defensively, "i hope you won't fucking be drinking that piss when you're pregnant with my baby."

Unimpressed, Izuku replied, "good thing im not pregnant yet bc who said i would agree."

Flustered and red in the face w/ anger bc THE AUDACITY OF IZUKU TO REJECT HIM WHEN KATSUKI SHOULD BE THE ONE TO DOING IN THE FIRST PLACE!! izuku was the one who doesn't deserve to carry his child!! but the director of the program hurriedly assured him that izuku IS THE *BEST*. he got a pages of recommendation/referral, glowing reviews, and every client of his had never been happier bc of him. all his pregnancy were carried to full term and the babies are all good & strong. izuku himself go the gym when he's not on the job, keeping a healthy lifestyle. he doesn't drink or smoke (which katsuki emphasized in his requirement) and his family doesn't have any record any genetic disorder. he may not have finish college but he test high in his IQ and he take his job v v v seriously. the only problem was... he's quirkless.

it's a thing izuku always make it point for all his clients to know what they could potentially get w/ their children if they chose him. some walked away but most stayed with bc izuku is THE BEST OF THE BEST and they want kid more than they want a manufactured perfect child.

"will that be a problem?" izuku asked, meeting his eyes dead on. "does the thought of having a quirkless child anger you?"

katsuki bristles, clenching & unclenching his hands at his side. though no much had change over the years, he's older now, not that dumbass kid anymore, misguided by his own sense of pride and arrogance and warped by prejudice and the superiority of his quirk. He had left that behind in UA, who happily beaten the idiocy out of him. now, he doesn't care if his child is quirkless or not bc they're his and he'll raise and love them all the same. if the world treat his kid crap for being quirkless, he'll teach them to fuck the world up till it bow down and kiss their ass bc they're a bakugou and they don't settle for anything less, which brought back to the point that izuku REALLY IS THE BEST THEY GOT.

so he shook his head and said, "it doesn't matter whether they're quirkless or not bc they're mine and i always take good care of what's mine."

Izuku's eyes widen and for fraction of a second his cool mask of difference crack under katsuki's heartfelt and sincere words. They havent seen each other since middle school, that’s over a decade, and katsuki truly have grown up into someone the entire world can admire and hold up on a pedestal as the no. 1 hero in the country.

"And what about you? you're okay with me?" katsuki retorted. "with the kind of volatile *history* that we shared."

Izuku paused, and then, he said quietly, "i'm not that petty to deny you a child bc of our past bc neither of us are the kids we were back then."

katsuki stood up. "get him the paperworks and have him sign it. i want him and nobody else."

Izuku jerked up in surprised. "that's it? you dont want to ask me anything else? don't you want to go through my records and background to make sure that im the right fit for you."

katsuki stared down at him and it was like pinned under glass before he said, "we may have changed, but something are still the same. you still want to help ppl even if this is a roundabout way to do it. i trust my instinct and my instinct is screaming at me to give you a fucking chance." He looked away, scratching the back of his head as he continued, "if there's one thing that is made clear to me now is that you're a good person and i was a shittyass kid for not realizing that sooner."

izuku's breath hitched. it's not an apology but it's damn close.

and with that he left izuku dizzy with a confusing cocktail of warmth, shock, and something far too nebulous and strange for him to put a finger to yet. when he first realized it was katsuki who was looking for a surrogate, he'd steel himself of the rejection & lashing out to come. izuku had spent his entire life rejected one way or another, so he was mentally prepare for this to be added to pile esp from the man who had hurt him repeatedly before. when katsuki had left for U.A. and izuku in the dust, they rarely have anything to do w/ each other after that even as he'd followed katsuki meteoric rise to the top, his blazing trajectory that placed him as the current no.1 bc despite everything, katsuki truly is amazing and deserved his place. he just never thought they would meet again in the sort of situation where a baby is the bargaining chip.

izuku was prepared for everything that katsuki would throw at him... but not his fervent agreement. now, izuku got to face the fact that for a year they're going to spend in each other pocket as izuku tries to carry not only katsuki's baby but his hope and future too. it's going to be either a total nightmare or some v v surreal dream bc it's bakugou katsuki with all that fame and temper and strong armed will and izuku is just... plain old izuku. he never had a client w/ such power and weight to throw around and so high profile that every know his name.

oh what did he sign up for, izuku thought as the door to the meeting room was slammed open again and katsuki glared at the director. "wait i want it all to be done today," katsuki said. "put my sperms in him as soon as possible."

izuku dropped his face into his hand and sighed.

the process of getting izuku impregnated is all v clinical and boring. izuku goes under a pseudo heat simulation that fool his body to think he's actually going into heat so his fertility up even more so during this period and he get artificially inseminated w/ katsuki's sperm. this is actually a process and takes several days & even weeks to prepare bc waiting for izuku's most fertile window during his heat period is v v important to have higher chance of success NORMALLY but w/ advance tech izuku can go under a pseudo heat that trigger release of eggs so they can get it all done pretty quickly and dont have to wait for nature to set it up for them.

katsuki already provided enough sperm to last a fucking lifetime bc he's an overly prepared asshole and it's three days later when they meet back at the clinic to start the process. all of this is under the watchful care of doctors and nurses to make sure everything go right. izuku had done this many times before for his previous clients so this isn't new to him at all but it's the first time that a client specifically demand to be part of the entire process.

izuku stares him down and tells him in no uncertain detail bc it's already weird enough to be the one to carry his former childhood friend's baby but to have him watch izuku get inseminated w/ his sperm?? YEA OK, no. katsuki glowers bc he just want everything to GO SMOOTHLY. his micromanagement & obsessiveness drives the clinic insane but izuku kinda finds it funny and cute?? maybe bc he's aware that it's just katsuki's nerves acting up since this is so terribly new and terrifying for him and HE DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN THINGS ARENT UNDER HIS CONTROL.

neither katsuki or izuku is alone this bc surrogacy isn't about either them it's about the baby and the ppl who helps make it possible and that's both of them. the surrogate who carries the unborn fetus and donor who gives a part of themselves to make it all possible. izuku hesitates before deciding screw it & reaches out and holds katsuki's hand in comfort AS THOUGH KATSUKI THE ONE GETTING THE PROCEDURE DONE TO HIM. "i'll be fine," he insists. "i've done this plenty of times before and dr. abe even longer than that with 20yrs of experience so i'll be ok."

"I'm not worry," katsuki snaps, even though he squeezes Izuku's hand hard enough that izuku is afraid his bones might crack under the pressure. "i know you'll be fucking fine, wont he dr. abe?" he stares down at the doctor with the full force of his wrath that the doctor shifts nervously.

"o-of course, bakugou-san," dr abe is quick to assure him. "our best ppl is on the job."

izuku rolls his eyes bc while heat inducing artificial insemination isn't exactly a new tech but there's a risk to any kind of medical procedure. it's low though and izuku isn't worry.

katsuki lets him go and izuku just sends him a quick reassuring smile over his shoulder even as katsuki can't take his eyes off of the entire trip to the surgical room. the process takes around 1-2 hours max & izuku comes out of it mostly woozy & still under heat related stress.

he needs to rest the next few days as he lets nature and w/ the help of science takes it course. izuku rests up at the clinic that provide him 24hrs care to make sure everything is alright which is all normal and part of the procedure. what surprise him is that katsuki visiting him DAILY. he actually bring izuku's home cooked meals that are carefully & thoughtfully prepared (healthy food choices!!) that it silences him for a moment.

"you know im not pregnant yet," izuku points out helpfully. "do you want me to explain how biology work in case UA didn't go over it in their curriculum?"

"shut your face and just eat," katsuki says with a glower, and watches intensely as izuku eats every bite and not leave a single piece behind. while there he harasses izuku's nurses and doctors, asking for izuku's vital stats and probing questions about the surgery & his health.it's so annoying and overbearing, but izuku can't help the smile threatening to break through his defense bc that's just like katsuki shoving his business into everything and dominating the entire process even though it is IZUKU who is going through it all. it's dreadfully cute.

izuku is fully recovered after several days of rest as expected and he is, once again surprised, to see katsuki is right there every step of the way as he is release from the clinic. katsuki who took a short shift today just so he can pick izuku up, which IS SUPER RARE. katsuki is a total workaholic and married to his job kind of pro hero so for him to take half a day off is beyond shocking for everyone?? bc HE GOT ENOUGH VACATION/SICK DAYS TO TAKE SEVERAL MONTHS OFF w/o any worry, but he came to take izuku home and make sure everything is in order.

it's not that izuku didn't have any clients wanting to be so involve in the whole surrogacy/pregnancy process but katsuki takes it into a whole new lvl w/ how much he inserts himself into izuku's life like it's not just the baby he care about but izuku too. he delivers izuku home and make sure izuku have his emergency contacts at all time in case ANYTHING, ABSOLUTEY ANYTHING HAPPEN and he wants izuku to text him daily with updates even for stupid things. he's obsessive and demanding and nervous, and izuku thinks it's funny as hell.

so for the next several weeks, izuku flood katsuki's phone w/ commentary about his days that HAS NOTHING TO DO W/ his chance of being pregnant. since izuku full time job is just being a surrogate, he mostly spend his days wandering around the city, reading, volunteering, etc. izuku updates katsuki on his daily activities and while he doesn't always get a reply immediately but his updates are always left on read and sometimes katsuki would leave some *encouraging* word like 'yea,' or 'okay' and izuku doesn't know why but he finds them comforting all the same.

when he wanders around the city, he'll text katsuki his coordinates bc katsuki is paranoid &wants him to keep away from dangerous area or area under villain attack, he would take pictures of the heroes he see and katsuki would have a snarky comments on each & every one of them. it's in this moments that the two of them really come alive. izuku get a glimpse of the world that he could have had if he had a quirk and pursue his dream of going pro hero and insights on what it's like to be bakugou katsuki, the man standing at the pinnacle of the pro hero scene.

At this point katsuki is even more engaged in izuku's text now. he becomes interest in the books izuku is currently reading, the outreach programs izuku super passionate about esp for young and disenfranchise quirkless youths. then there are izuku's rowdy neighbors and their hilariously complicated love life that izuku is terribly invested bc of his lack of one.

"i think higa-san is going to break up with him today," izuku would update him one day, after watching his neighbors have another blow out.

katsuki texts back an hour later: "yea right, the guy is spineless coward. he wouldn't ever go through it."

izuku lets out a smile as he stares down at the text. it's the most fun izuku ever had in the middle of a job that he forget they're not friends at all but client and surrogate. this is a job for him and izuku is an end to a mean for katsuki. it doesn't mean anything. It couldn’t mean anything. Why is he even trying?

Izuku has been doing the job for seven years and carried his pregnancy to full terms five times. he knows the routine even though each client he had were different from one another and not all pregnancy are the same, but he knows what to expect and prepare. nothing truly surprised him anymore. Or at least they shouldn’t. ,his world didn't suddenly change w/ katsuki's arrival in his ordinary life. izuku is still very much the same person, but all the same he wake up everyday w/ renews energy and lightens heart, looking forward to seeing the text notification from katsuki popping up on his phone screen.

he finds himself looking forward to their interaction the most throughout his days. a glimpse into katsuki's world and what it means to be a part of his life again however temporary it is bc izuku knows there is a time limit to this. he's only allow to talk like this w/ katsuki bc he's doing him a favor, a job, an obligation in exchange of money. they're in a relationship artificially made, they're not friends or colleagues and izuku may be carrying katsuki's baby in the future but he's not a parent w/ katsuki.

He’s an incubator.

these thoughts feel tangibly familiar to his past cases where he had carried the fetus to full term and had to part ways with his baby and the client/parents and separate himself from their lives after the birth but it had never hurt in this way like the thoughts alone would cut his heart into pieces now. it's beyond selfish to get attach and izuku tries to maintain a careful distance w/ katsuki bc they're client and an employee, but katsuki is relentless. he won't settle for just for pieces of izuku and his life. he wants it all. Izuku may be weak enough to give it to him…

he invests himself into izuku's life, his interest, his worries and thoughts. to katsuki, izuku isn't just an incubator but someone who shares the other half of his baby's genes so of fucking course he IS INVESTED BC izuku is just as important as the fetus he could be carrying right now but izuku has a hard time wrapping his head around it bc while izuku was w/ his other client they were all kind and caring to him during his surrogacy but never to this length. they weren't interest in him as a person but someone who is a means to an end, a tool to make their dream come true.

izuku isn't hurt by that regard bc he knows getting involve w/ your surrogate can be a hot mess & confusing for the baby growing up so izuku knows how to keep his distance and careful to keep his heart walled up but katsuki has a habit of breaking things. He’s so very, very good at it, especially distubring the peace of izuku’s heart.

katsuki may be relentless w/ his attention & dedication but izuku's walls went down embarrassingly easy as though he was waiting for katsuki to reach out toward him after all the years apart and shake him loose from his bubble of solitude. katsuki doesn't realize how affected izuku is by his clumsy and gestures, but izuku won't tell. He’s too embarrassed to ever bring it up because even after all these years katsuki still has such a sever effect on him.

so izuku lends himself to enjoy this upcoming months as much as he can bc once it's over they will part ways again as though they exist solely in different space and the only chance he'll get to see katsuki and the baby is through the screen of his tv. it doesn't bring him any comfort but it's manageable. izuku can deal with it. he got years to get used to it by now. It’s not gentle but it’s a blunt kind of truth that mend with time.

several weeks after since izuku did the procedure, he doesn't feel any different but izuku wakes up one morning and he could feel a strangeness settling over his body. there are a lot of old wives tales about pregnant omegas and women and most of them are false, standing against scientific knowledge but izuku been going around this block five times already, so he realizes there may be some truths to a few of them.

he gets out of bed and makes breakfast before making sure to send a text and photo to katsuki about his meals bc katsuki is ANAL about making izuku eat right. katsuki motherhenning him miles away even as he is out on patrol is still the most hilarious and weirdly sweet thing, izuku finds. it doesn't feel suffocating at all to him. sometimes he when the thought slip out of him unconsciously he thinks this is what it's like to have an alpha of his own, but katsuki isn't his by any means.

izuku forgoes his favorite breakfast meal this time and go for something he rarely eats. a food that he normally doesn't chose but it feels right this time. it all clicks. the signs were all there several days back. the frequent bathroom usage, his breasts throbbing, and cramps. he'd seen it already but this morning it lines up perfectly like it was all meant to be, like everything is built up just for this moment right here.

so with a bounce to his steps, he waits for katsuki's text back. It takes a few mins when katsuki get back from his morning run bc he got a routine and is terribly predictable in that regard. his following texts rip into izuku's choice of food bc IT ISN'T HIS USUAL at all and katsuki have colorful words about the kind of junk izuku force feed into his body and DOESN'T HE KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. HOW THE FUCK DID HE SURVIVES ALL THESE YEARS ON HIS OWN.

izuku smiles down at his phone even though katsuki is blasting him and everything he choose to be, but HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT ALL MEANS. it's kinda adorable so when katsuki get into a slow rant about food group and healthy life choices, izuku cuts in:

me: oh btw im pregnant :)

he didn't get any get any respond from katsuki for the next five mins so during that time izuku makes fresh cup of juice to drink while katsuki works to settle down his panic. when he comes back fifteen mins later, it's to a series of angry keymash and texts.

kacchan: a;sjdasdf

kacchan: as;dlifucccck

kacchan: fuck fuck fuck

kacchan: are you serious?!

kacchan: DONT FUCKING JOKE WIHT ME DEKU

kacchan: i'm coming over right now

kacchan: you better be sitting down

kacchan: don't fucking move even an inch

kacchan: YOU HEAR ME

me: ok

izuku sits there peacefully, enjoying his cup of juice as he waits for katsuki's arrival. one of his hand rests over his stomach carefully & though he hadn't taken any test or get his bloodwork done, he knows, instinctively & intimately that there is a life growing inside of him.

it's all very silly and unproven since there's no concrete evidence to support any of it, but maybe it's his omega instinct, maybe it's his experience as a carrier who brought five children into this world, or maybe it's just wishful thinking on his part, but he knows and this is a truth that won’t be brought down.

izuku takes his job v seriously bc people's happiness hinged on his ability to give them a child they earnestly had wished for so he of course he would want to be pregnant as soon as possible, but--izuku looks down at his stomach, this time even more so he wants it to be real.

he wants to be the one to fulfilled katsuki's earnest wish and give him the child he desired. it's as much a part of his job, his duty, but also something he selfishly wants for himself. this baby, this child will be his only connection to katsuki once his job his completed. they'll part ways after this--no more late night phone calls, morning texts, and silly anecdotes they exchange to each other everyday bc izuku is unlikely to ever see him again. their worlds are just too far apart, like the two planets stuck in orbit but never meeting but at least with this child, izuku knows there is always a piece of him w/ katsuki always. so more than anything, this child will be his gift to katsuki.

he picks up his phone & sends katsuki a text.

me: if you dont mind, could you pick up a pregnancy test just to be sure?

izuku knows himself & his body, but he wants to be 110% sure for katsuki's sake. he doesn't want to get katsuki's hope up only to crush it later. katsuki's respond back is quick and telling.

kacchan: will three do?

kacchan: do you need anything else?

kacchan: i'll get them

izuku pauses, frowning hard as he looks down at his phone.

me: please don't text and drive

me: also, try stay below the speed limits

me: i dont want you to die before you see your child.

this time it takes longer to get a respond back.

kacchan: dont fucking talk to me about the speed laws kacchan: im not a reckless idiot

kacchan: my entire job description is to uphold the law so degenerates dont fucking run amok

kacchan: ... im not driving right now

izuku's brows furrow in thought before a smile cracks across his face.

me: kacchan... did you pull over to the side just to yell at me?

me: that's so terribly cautious and cute of you :3c

me: you're already on your way to becoming a great dad.

kacchan: FUCK YOU!!!!!!

Izuku laughs, light and so tinged with joy that it feels so strange to him to be this happy about something silly as this.

me: not a chance but thanks.

me: dont forget to buy my pregnancy test and i dont need anything else. just come here as soon as possible afterward

and he leaves it that. katsuki doesnt text him back anymore, leaving izuku to wait for his arrival with anticipation. he should get up and clean the apartment so it's presentable at least to katsuki. he hadn't had a guest in a while so this would get a good change but katsuki's warning still loop in his head. getting up to clean the apartment would constitute moving around and izuku is barely into his first trimester so, it's not like he's straining his body or anything. katsuki is just being an overbearing anxious new father.

izuku had seen that before in his past clients, who constantly fret over izuku's health but they're not THE GROUND ZERO and he has the nagging suspicious that he doesn't want to test katsuki's thinning patience with him. it's fun to tease him like this but he knows his limit. so izuku continues to sit there & waits, playing w/ his phone as he scrolls through the hero news site to check any interesting updates. izuku may have long let go of his dream but he can't disconnect from it completely. it's how he stay in the loop w/o actually being a part of it.

izuku's eyes widen as he spots a tweet on the #groundzero tag on twitter that sits atop of all others: "no jokes, guys i think i just a saw #groundzero stormed into my store and headed toward the omega’s hygiene care aisle. he bought a bunch of stuff before heading out.”

it already got a several thousands likes and retweets, with a flood of comments that ranged from "what?? sounds fake lol" or "okay, who would have guess gz would be the one to secretly keeping an omega on the side" and others are filled with more confusion and disbelief.

izuku makes a face. his contract binds him to confidentially and assurance that his identity remains quiet. he never had any problem with his identity being exposed w/ any of previous clients but then again he never had such a famous client before. this--is going to be a headache. he chews down on his lower lip in thought as he shuts down his phone. he's going to have to remind katsuki to be more careful next time lest they figure out what katsuki is up to... and who izuku is to him. not his friend, not his sweetheart, not his omega but his surrogate.

just as izuku ponders about doing damage control, there is a series of loud insistent knocks on his apartment door. izuku blinks and hurriedly to the door w/o any thought who is on the other side bc somehow he knows it got to be *him*.

he opens to door to katsuki's scowling face.

"i told you to not fucking move," katsuki scolds, and pushes his way inside w/o any invite, carefully moving izuku to the side like izuku is made of glass which make izuku annoyed right away but also painfully fond in that . he's an overprotective idiot but he's trying and that's--*something*.

"how else would i let you in then," izuku retorts, rolling his eyes as he leads katsuki into apartment. "im only couple of weeks pregnant at most and you're already asking for miracles."

katsuki scoffs but doesn't argue as he hands izuku a full plastic bag. "okay, start peeing."

"I--" Izuku opens the bag and looks inside, staring down at the pregnancy tests stuffed to the rim of the small bag, all eleven boxes of them, "I dont have enough pee for this."

katsuki frowns. "drink a lot of water then," he suggests.

Izuku shoots him a glare. "that's not funny," he snaps.

katsuki's frowns deepen. "i'm not being funny," he says.

Izuku sighs and just digs his hand into the bag to grab a handful of the boxes. "i'll do only two so dont even." he throws the rest of the bag at katsuki and heads toward the bathroom.

it horrifyingly takes them all 30mins to be done w/ the tests bc katsuki v loudly insisted that he should do more than two, kept on banging on the bathroom door to let him know that. izuku gritted his teeth and took three more and really DID RAN OUT OF PEE AFTER THE FIFTH ONE.

the wait for the test results which only take a mins or two is ramped up by katsuki anxiously pacing back and forth in front of izuku until izuku grabs him by the sleeve of his shirt and drags him down to the sit next to him in the couch. "it'll be okay," he assures katsuki.

katsuki scowls and brushes off his touch, but he seems to breathe a little easier after that. the first three tests gives them a positive, the fourth is a negative, and the fifth is a positive. izuku frowns at the result. he knows in his heart that is w/o a doubt pregnant and the majority of the results support that but, he casts a nervous glance katsuki whose face is seemingly troubled, that's probably not enough for katsuki who spend a load of money to afford izuku's time, commitment, and body. Izuku is expensive but so is katsuki’s time and investment.

he definitely wants more than a dubious result that isn't 100% guarantee that izuku's pregnant and even if izuku tells him that he is truly pregnant bc izuku knows his own body, that may not go well either. "we can get the bloodwork done tomorrow to check for sure," izuku tries to assures him. Sometimes science speak louder than a parental instinct.

katsuki stares at him, eyes so intently focus on izuku that he feels like's a butterfly pinned under katsuki's gaze. abruptly, he reaches a hand out and grabs Izuku's own, giving it a quick and purposeful squeeze. "Move in with me," he says, sounding so grave and serious.

izuku gets up from his seat. "Do you want something to drink?" he asks, already heading toward the kitchen. "suddenly, im parched."

"did you hear what i just said?!" katsuki demands, trailing after him like a yapping puppy on his heels. "And sit the fuck down! let me get it."

abruptly, izuku stops and turns around to face katsuki with a glower on his face. "im just pregnant and not an invalid," he snaps, annoyance prickling at him. he had been doing this longer than katsuki could even imagine. "And i can get the drinks myself in my *own* home thank you." katsuki's eyes widen slightly at the sharp tone izuku had quickly adapted and heaves a sigh, carding a hand through his hair in frustration like izuku is the one being purposely difficult here. "I--fuck--" He frowns, face scrunches as he search for his next words. izuku waits it out, patient and silence against the inner turmoil that must now be swirling inside of katsuki.

katsuki's gaze drops to the floor, hands balling at his side. his breathing even out as he grimaces. "sorry," he finally settles on with a quiet mumble.

Izuku steps back in surprise. shock, really. "w--wait can repeat that again because i just thought i heard you apologized without any prompting."

katsuki flushes, ducking his head. "shut the fuck up. im not going to repeat myself," he rebukes, but the damage had been done.

Despite the years tempering his recklessness out he can't help wanting to poke the hornet's nest. "i honestly didn't think sorry was in your vocabulary, kacchan," he teases, grinning.

katsuki flinches back as though struck, surprising izuku once more. the words were said in jest, meant to ease katsuki into a laugh or close to it at least but something like pained flickers across Katsuki's face that immediately izuku wants to take it all back, but katsuki's expression had already closed up.

Izuku's heart hurt, thinking that he'd lost him. he'd pushed too hard. they're aren't friends, barely acquaintances really. just a client-employee dynamic that izuku should have been careful of. he always know where to toe the line of the boundaries of his job and with his client, but--they were doing so well that he'd hoped. been so hopeful because it had almost feels like they were sort of friends again.

izuku and katsuki had always orbit each other's world but childish pride, anger, and superiority had torn them apart and izuku was pushed out of Katsuki’s life. now that they're older, izuku is no longer that child blindingly infatuated with this remarkable person before him. he knows what he's capable of and katsuki had certainly earned his place at the top of the world but he won't be cowed either. so it's fine if katsuki doesn't want to fall back into a some kind of make shift friendship with him. it's fine if he just want to think izuku is just a walking incubator for his child. izuku will survive. He had survive this long without katsuki ‘s looming shadow after all.

katsuki hunches over as he grits his teeth. "fuck."

izuku blinks.

"i'm not that shitty fucked up kid anymore," katsuki nearly growl out, pinning izuku with a look of full intent. "I'm," he swallows, hesitant, wary, "i'm trying to be a better person, a friend, a son, and most importantly a father now that we have a spawn coming our way."

Izuku's heart quickens at the 'we' usage even though it probably means nothing. nothing at all. katsuki was only just opening himself to him. this is something that startling new and truly welcoming experience for katsuki and izuku shouldn't mistake it for anything else. he can't be too greedy. so he steps forward, wanting to reach out and touch katsuki to affirm of his existence, but he doesn't. not when katsuki is like an exposed wire right now--twitchy, nervous, and just a little shy of imploding from carving himself open for izuku to see all his true feelings and motives.

izuku smiles.

"If i didn't think you were a good person then i wouldn't have entrusted this child,” he touches his still flat stomach, knowing life is stirring underneath his palm, "with you." katsuki truly had grown up. he'll be a good father, izuku muses but it's a bittersweet feeling. "i still want my independence though," he continues. "i've done this many times before so you can stop treating me like i'm going to break if you breath the wrong way. thousands and millions of omegas and women have been doing this a lot longer than me and they're fine. im fine, so breathe."

katsuki's presses his lip together into a grim line. "I know that," he shakes his head, "but you dont have to this alone. i'll want to be there with you every step of the way even if it mean you need someone to run to the grocery store for some shitty midnight craving. I want to be the first person you think about when you need any kind of assistance not because you're weak or helpless but because you just need someone, so let me be that person for you," he finishes, looking on in pained after spouting such sweet sentiments.

it makes izuku want to laugh, but he doesn't think that would be welcoming right now because katsuki still got his pride after all. "I'll think about it," he acquiesce, heart warming several hundred degrees as though he's standing under the direct sunlight of bakugou katsuki.

katsuki grimaces, clearly unhappy with izuku's non-answer but he relents anyway with a long heave. "ok, ok, i can deal with that," he says like the words alone was hard enough to swallow, "but if you change your mind at any moment just let fucking know!"

Oh, no, izuku thinks helplessly. he wants to give katsuki a treat for being so annoyingly overbearing but considerate in his own clumsy ways. "well, if you behave yourself, i might even consider taking you with me to my OBGYN doc this thursday," he says casually with a shrug.

Katsuki scowls, but he stands up straighter. "I'll--" he looks away, flushed with an earnest yearning spread across his face, "be good, okay?"

Izuku quietly tucks a smile between his pressed lips before it break through even though this is terrible for his weak, weak heart.

#bakudeku #not!fic #surrogate au #hi SORRY im back now #i got distracted by uh reading some stuff so i didn't keep up with my post QQ

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fairycosmos · 5 years ago

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im just wondering do you have any darknesses in you? meaning like parts of you that need to come out and be hateful or angry that scare you? i have such moral insecurities and anxieties i try to be kind but i just feel sometimes some monster in me so i try to let it out in private, but it seems like so many people like u are so certainly unfalteringly good and i cant understand how!!! i wanna be like that!!!! if you dont wanna answer or this is weird i totally understand lol

oh dude..........absolutely. dont make the mistake of thinking i’m like idk.....someone you should want to be like. i know i answer anons asking for advice sometimes, but that’s usually just me suggesting they seek professional support bc i can relate to them. i’m sure the ppl who follow me on here have a very one dimensional image of me as i do in regards to the people i follow, due to the nature of social media. but i can definitely vouch for the fact that i’m a fucked up person and i have a lot to work on, a whole lifetime of shit to work on. while it’s easy to be amicable with people online when they’re giving you that same positive energy, in real life i’m basically too insecure and bitter to be as open and vulnerable as i am on here. i have internalized so much crap and it comes through in most of my interactions. i’m selfish, i have a million complexes, i’m insecure, i cringe away from everything, i’m emotionally unavailable at the best of times, i’m moody and neglectful. i’m a COMPLETE coward. sometimes i dont think about the shit that i say, i take things for granted. i freeze and avoid avoid avoid to the point of toxicity. i never know where to start or how to conduct myself naturally - to an embarrassing extent for someone who is a whole ass adult. and i’m angry, too. which is a human emotion not a flaw. but people tell me my resting face looks like i want to fkn kill somebody, i dont have a good aura :( there’s a lot of reasons i’m so isolated, i guess. besides all of that though, i also don’t think we as humans can be categorized as ‘entirely good’ or ‘entirely bad’ because most of us carry both inside, always. we’re complex beings made up of shades of grey, rather than of black and white. and the different environments we find ourselves in (usually due to factors outside of our control) tend to bring out different parts of who we are, negative or otherwise. everyone you pass on the street has that same ‘face’ they only wear when they’re alone. we see others in a very shallow way on a day to day basis, so it’s easy to think they’re not holding anything back, but they always are. nobody gets through the world unscathed and having insecurities, especially ones you’ve learned growing up, is completely normal. the only thing you can do once you recognize that they’re there is try your best to dismantle the toxic mindsets that have been forced upon you, through therapy or self help or even just with time. and it’s alright if that’s a life long process. you’re allowed to be pissed off, you’re allowed to be hurt. it doesn’t make you a monster at all. the whole point is that you are trying to be kind despite it all and that you are working with what you’ve been given. if you were really some evil unimaginable beast, you wouldn’t even be willing to put forth that effort. it’s good that you’re looking inwards and trying every day to be a better person, but sometimes it’s good to take a step back to breathe. don’t over analyze your existence too much love. it all just ends up becoming so convoluted and unclear when you judge yourself for every single trait you’ve ever observed in your behaviour/personality. because growth is constant and you’re experiencing it subconsciously every single day. and then there’s the issue of perception. everyone you meet sees you through their own lens. some will see good, some may see the parts you want to keep hidden. but either way you’re a whole person, and so it’s natural to have sides of you that conflict. you don’t have to be unfalteringly happy and positive all the time. in fact it’s impossible and may be a disservice to your mental well being in the long run. ultimately i think it comes down to this. i PROMISE i wouldn’t be quoting h*rry p*otter in 2020 if i wasn’t moderately sleep deprived but i am so. it’s one of the most famous lines and it applies - “we’ve all got both light and dark inside us. what matters is the part we choose to act on. that’s who we really are.” the son of a bitch was right. and you’re doing far better than you realize, just by prioritizing kindness and trying to extend it every day. you’re a good person because you’re attempting to be, and that’s more than enough :)

#anon #hope this makes sense #fuck jk rowling

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leafbladie · 5 years ago

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A lot of people praised the action in my recent crossover fic featuring Mami fighting Nanoha. So I thought I'd take the time to give you 5 tips from me about how to write better fight scenes.

1. Identify what is the goal of your characters as they're fighting?

At any given moment in a fight, you should have a short term goal that your character is working towards, usually in effort to achieve a long term goal for the fight, or to just win the fight itself.

For instance, how does your character usually want to approach fighting, are they trying to overpower the opponent, outmaneuver them, disarm them, trick them, figure them out, just survive until they can escape or get reinforcement? Make sure the actions they take reflect this. The switches between these motivations in a fight should be decisive and bring about some kind of change in the fight, whether positive or negative.

In any kind of professional fighting sport, there's always some strategy that fighters will try to stick to, and contingencies to deal with opponents who might counter their main strategies. People who go in just to fuck shit up are usually not going to last that long unless they are so much stronger than the other side that it doesn't matter.

2. Keep a natural back and forth in the momentum of the fight...

Fights are often dictated by who controls the momentum of the fight. I.e. who is making the other fight to their own tempo and rhythm. Let control of the fight naturally flow between the two, because if it stays in one side too long, that can often become monotonous and boring. And leave the readers questioning why if one character is so in control of the fight, why haven't they won already?

You should still try to shift momentum when one individual is physically stronger in all respects. You can have the momentum shift where the weaker character is making actions that suggest that they are the one in control of the fight. But ultimately said actions are not enough to overcome the difference in power, and the effects of this momentum shift are minimal. But shifting the momentum will still leave a natural fall and rise in action that will keep it from feeling like you're just coasting through a fight at the exact same pace the entire time.

3. But dont let characters become a willing slave to their opponent's momentum

When you shift momentum, do not make the mistake of making the character who lost momentum a punching bag for the one who controls it. Show their efforts to try and regain that momentum. These are two characters fighting each other. Not characters taking turns beating the crap out of each other (unless it's a turn based RPG).

If one characters gets complete control over momentum, that should be the moment the fight ends. Unless, one of the fighters intentionally fell into their rhythm to exploit it somehow, such as by using my next tip.

4. Your characters are not fighting in a void

As much as Smash fans chant "Final Destination, no items, fox only", this is not good for writing fights. Fights do not take place in vacuums (though it might be cool if you had character who shrunk down and fought each other while swirling in a vacuum). Characters should try to take advantage of their surrounding area, and this can often be a good way to bring about a momentum shift. Maybe there's some loose ground you can have one fighter lead the other to, maybe you have one fighter get the other's sword caught in a doorway as they try to do a move they usually do to end a fight.

Even if the environment isn't getting in the way of them, then show the destruction, or maybe lack thereof. that shows the honed skills of these fighters.

5. Give each action a sense of weight

It is not enough to say a character punched the other. Describe what that punch did, was it something their opponent brushed off, did it cause them to keel over, did it knock them back? Make sure the weight of these attacks matches the actions done to execute them.

What is it's effect on the environment? Is the ground crumpling beneath their feet as they launch forth, is a shockwave being generated by the speed of their fist?

Readers do not know how strong an action should be unless you put an image in their mind. If you say someone punched someone else 1 thousand times, but the other person didn't even flinch. Well, were the punches strong, were they fast, was the person who received them just that strong? We can't say, because I've just delivered the basics of the action without any emphasis on what I was wanting to portray with this exchange.

I hope these tips might help you craft your own fight scenes if you ever feel interested in making them.

#pmmm #magia record #mgln #magical girl lyrical nanoha #puella magi madoka magica #magireco

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kendrixtermina · 4 years ago

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Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

#enneagram #enneagram type 5 #feelings #enneagram 5w4 #5w4

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plantcore-posterboy · 5 years ago

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75 reasons we love you

Here ya go, baby. @your-friendly-neighborhood-enby

(Credits to Me for these)

1. You're kind, its something I love about you, even on your darkest days, you can make someone else happy.

2. Your interests. You can go on rants about things, and honestly, it's amazing, because once you're interested in something, you're interested in it.

3. You let me rant to you. You can be having a really bad day, but you'll always listen to me.

4. You're an amazing writer. I've read your work for a long time, and you never cease to amaze me.

5. You're adorable. I love your smile, and no matter how much you disagree, you really are adorable.

6. You may not always know how to respond to something, but you always respond, so I know that you're still there.

7. You are a good singer. Your voice is calming and easy to listen too.

8. No matter what you see about yourself as a flaw, you can always see the good things about people.

9. You put others before yourself no matter what it does to you, you just genuinely care about other people.

10. You've managed to survive, yeah it gets rough sometimes. But guess what? You've made it.

11. Nicknames. You're just really good at using nicknames, which is honestly a skill.

12. Common interests! We have quite a few, which honestly I find amazing.

13. You deal with me no matter what stupid crap I do, and I admire you for that.

14. You're accepting, you've never judged me, and I appreciate that.

15. You always know how to calm me down. A skill I both admire and adore about you.

16. You put effort into everything you do.

17. You are always willing to fight people with love.

18. You mean what you say, as far as I can tell. Honesty is good.

19. You've always been nice, which is why I got along with you so easily in the beginning, there's so much more now.

20. You have the ability to easily make friends. I mean, so many people on here love and adore you, including me.

21. You've always been there for me when I've needed it.

22. Your personality is amazing, you're sweet and loyal and I love it.

23. Your smile. Its adorable and I wish I could see it more.

(Credit to @thelonelycreature for the next ones)

24. SMOL SOFT CHILD!

25. SUPPORTIVE!

(Credits to @ihavenoclueanymore for these ones)

26. They are smart

27. They are themselves and unique (which is a good thing because they aren't fake! Which happens a lot)

28. They are very into musicals

29. They are are very easy to fluster and make blush

30. They have great writing

31. They are super adorable no matter how much they think they aren't

32. They have a very great dream and is good at musicals (and singing)

33. We have a bunch of stuff in common (we will probably find more as we get to know each other better!)

34. They have a cute smile

35. They are very cool person who deserves lots of love

36. They are an amazing arospec and enby who cares for others and isn't mean.

TOP 10 REASONS @nonbinaryroyaltylove LOVES LO!!!

(37) Reason #1: Lo is the most caring person on this planet and will listen to me rant my little heart out about something that they don’t even know about but they will make an effort to understand it anyway.

(38) Reason#2: Lo makes me smile whenever im down and they always know the right thing to say when im angry or sad.

(39) Reason #3: Lo is so so so so so so so so smart, they always come up with little jokes on the spot or things in their stories that i love.

Reason#4: speaking of Lo’s stories, don’t even get me started!!! Weather it’s late at night or early morning or anytime, I love reading their one shots and all their stories. They are so creative with their content and they are so friendly to their followers. (No wonder everyone wants to be their friend)

(40) Reason #5 Lo is really good at listening and when i say really good i mean REALLY GOOD. When I feel really down i know that they will always be there with a virtual hug and some yeeted love in my direction. The best part is, even if your an anon and they don’t know you they will still give you all the love in the world.

(41) Reason #6: you can count on Lo to never tell anyone your secrets and insecurities. Lo knows a lot of things in my life and only one other person i know knows as much about me as they do. If you tell Lo something they will take it to their grave.

(42) Reason #7: they deal with all the sap juice that we all give each other everyday and even through the shitty times they help others and honestly they handle the sap so well and its great.

(43) Reason #8 Lo is really good at just being a friend no matter what you need they will provide it. If you need love they will yeet it at your face and if you ask for space they will respect it, they are very patient always.

(44) Reason #10: lastly is that Lo will make sure you are ok. I was recently in a very dark place and Lo helped take me off the edge I was standing on. Lo will rant to you and make sure you eat and sleep even if it means sacrificing their own. (Which we will all rant back to them that they need)

(45) Reason #11 Lo is the actual fucking imbodyment of a hufflepuff!!!!!!!!! That in its self should be reason enough to love them

(Credits to @lovelylogicality for these)

(46) 1. They inspire me to write, and actually help me feel proud of my work

(47) 2. They make me feel important, like something really special instead of just boring.

(48) 3. Lo makes me feel better about myself (especially my weird eyes)

(49) 4. They’re kind and sweet and always try to make me feel better.

(50) 5. Always there with encouragement

(51) 6. Lo writes amazing little fics and I always love seeing their stunning work on my dashboard

(52) 7. THEYRE JUST AS SAPPY AS US

(Credits to me, again, for these)

53. You always know how to make me smile, whether its intentional or not.

54. Honestly, I smile anytime I see something that reminds me of you.

(Credits to @ihavenoclueanymore , again)

(55) 1. calls everyone a sap even tho we are all just telling truths

(56) 2. knows (with me telling) just what pet names to use to make me heart completely melt and my brain short circuit

(57) 3. very loveable human!

(58) 4. prefers to read the book (best type of human)

(59) 5. is poly! (Us polys need to stand together!)

(60) 6. makes nonhuman noises when flustered (need to hear these)

(61) 7. is very precious baby (in a non weird way)

(62) 8. very kind to everyone!

(63) 9. introvert (we also have this in common and need to stan together!)

(64) 10. favorite side is virgil (best side besides patton)

(65) 11. is legit the only human I've seen use greetings and salutations and it's awesome

(Credits to @lovesupportandcookies for these)

(66) 1. Heccin adorable

(67) 2. Does their best to be nice even in hardship

(68) 3. Incredibly sweet in general (all the sap)

(69) 4. Oh! And very trustworthy!

(Credits, again, to @nonbinaryroyaltylove )

(70) Reason #12: when Lo send out ask requests on their blog they actually do them and answer everything with the upmost importance. Lo puts their people before everything and will take time out of their precious day to care for them. Weather it be answering a simple and silly ask or responding to a more personal problem and he treats them all with importance.

(71) Reason #13: Lo is so accepting, you could tell them anything and no matter how messed up or strange you might think it is, they will embrace it and love you for you, which in my book makes them of the best people I have met.

(72) Reason #14: They know musical theater just like any lord should, you can talk to them about any and all musical theater and on the rare occasion that they dont know what it is they will make an effort to listen to and/or watch it so they talk about it with you.

(73) Reason #15 Lo is the most adorable lord you will ever see on earth, their smile is infectious and whenever they look at you, or if they are online, text they have the ability to make you feel safe and its like they are giving you a huge hug in a blanket of safety and trust. So yeah Lo will instantly make you feel safe and loved whenever they talk to you.

(Credits to @marshmallowmischief for this one)

(74) they're so valid in everything they do

(Credits to me for this last one)

(75) You give the absolute best virtual hugs.

Lo, this is for you. We thought you could use some love, so I asked some people to help and we put this together. Sorry it's a bit of a mess, but it's made with love

Overall credits to:

@thelonelycreature

@marshmallowmischief

@lovesupportandcookies

@ihavenoclueanymore

@nonbinaryroyaltylove

@lovelylogicality

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anxietysroomsupport · 5 years ago

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no body talks to me ever,,, like i always have to say something first which is very exhausting n just makes me feel like none of my friends even want to talk to me at all. even my own dad will go weeks, months, and in the past, YEARS without even speaking to me once. and when i do reach out to my friends, its a crap shute on whether theyll even respond to me, or hold a real conversation. i dont get it, cause they all have said that they really care about me and would help me if i asked, but. idk

Hi Anon,

I wonder if you have brought up this imbalance with your friends and family? Do they know you feel this way? It might help to talk to at least a couple of them and see if they would be interested in putting themselves out there a little bit, because it would be a way to show you that they care. But I’ll admit, I’m a little cynical on this subject. People will often just give us niceties in the moment, and then continue on with their old habits.

I struggled with this same issue a lot growing up. Sometimes I tested the limits, and would track how long people would go without ever initiating a conversation with me. I would hold out as long as I could, and when I gave in and approached them, I always felt like I had somehow lost a game that they didn’t know we were playing. Was I giving too much, not enough? It always felt like too much. It was torture, but I was doing it to myself.

Eventually, I decided to just do what made me happy, whatever that was. If it just so happened that I was initiating the conversation 99 out of every 100 times, who cares? They obviously didn’t, or they would say so. I had to make the decision to stop calculating our friendship points just to tell someone about a movie I saw last week.

In reality, it’s not about making sure the relationship is balanced or not. And that’s because there is no universal balance that works for everyone, no societal agreement for reciprocal effort. It would be nice if there were, it would be fair. But there are a million reasons why someone might not reach out first, and we’ll never know what it is.

All that matters is if you are happy with that relationship. If that balance of 99 to 1 works for you. If it doesn’t, feel free to forge new friendships. If they won’t engage, it’s okay to find more friends that will. You don’t have to leave your old friends behind, but it’s definitely okay to seek out people who are interested enough in the same things that they’ll want to come to you to share what they just found. Check out some local clubs or after school/work groups, and there’s a fun app called Meet Up that helps strangers who are interested in the same hobbies find each other. (Of course, always exercise caution when meeting new people.) There are people out there who want to know what you have to say.

So no point in worrying! Free up your head space from all that doubt. Be the person who starts talking first. Take pride in it. Heck, half of them are probably thinking they’re too much too, and maybe that’s why they never initiate. But you can become the beacon. You can show them how to start just being unabashedly yourself and talking about whatever you like, to whoever you like.

-Miss Fay

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the-gneech · 5 years ago

Link

(Image Source: https://www.themarysue.com/riverdale-netflix-meme-video/)

One of my writing pals contacted me yesterday: he was trying to write a story for The Reclamation Project but wasn’t happy with the results he was coming up with. In an effort to get his creative juices flowing, I sent him a link to a Pinterest board I had created to help me get into the right frame of mind.

“Maybe I’ve been going around this wrong,” he replied. “I’ve been trying to pull story ideas out of thin air, but that’s proving hard. I used to go looking at pictures, but it felt like a crutch…”

I’m here to tell you, when it comes to creating story ideas, there’s no such thing as a crutch. There are only tools!

Inspiration is a Fickle Mistress

Sometimes a story will leap nearly fully-formed into your head, and the biggest obstacle is making sure to get it all written down before you forget it. And those times when the Muse Burns Within You are amazing!

…But unreliable.

If you want to get somewhere as a professional writer, you need to be able to create stories on demand. While “writer’s block” is a very personal experience, in my own case it’s often a matter of “perfect being the enemy of good.” Writing as a deliberate craft is less like dictating the voice of the muse, and more like slopping a giant blob of clay onto the wheel and spinning it into a useful shape — and since the final product is going to be vastly different from that original lump of clay anyhow, you can use whatever you need to get it started. Write about your cat. Take a story out of the news, flip the gender of all parties involved, and set it on a space station or in ancient Babylon. All you need is a starting point!

Here are some starting points I like to use…

Image Boards

A picture can be worth a lot more than a thousand words. Looking at an evocative image and asking yourself, “What’s happening here? Who are these people? How did this come to pass?” might be all you need to get the ball rolling.

I’ve already mentioned Pinterest. It’s not the best for all applications (it’s terrible about original sources, just for starters), but just in terms of finding neat pictures to look at it’s a good start. Tumblr is another source that’s easy to search by keyword. Want to write steampunk? Check out Steampunk Tendencies. Need a very specific “anime + elves” vibe? Do a keyword search for “anime elves.” If you can think of something, there’s probably at least one and possibly several blogs devoted to it.

The point of these boards is not to give you “the thing” you’re going to write; just lifting someone else’s creative work and repackaging it as your own would be a crutch, and worse. The point of these boards is to give you suggestions for moments, or ideas, or possibilities, that you will then weave into your own stories. An old pulp sci-fi painting I found on Pinterest gave me an arresting visual image; when I combined that with my own characters and plot it became a 15,000-word story.

Story Prompts

Story prompts are everywhere, from games like Rory’s Story Cubes or Storymatic, to NaNoWriMo Word Wars, to Writer’s Digest. One friend of mine sometimes uses Tarot readings to create story outlines.

I generally find prompts to be very hit-or-miss; if I don’t have a single notion in my head, the phrase “When you come to a fork in the road, take it!” is not going to be enough by itself. However, a prompt combined with something else — a character idea, for instance, or a relationship dynamic I want to explore — can sometimes be just enough to prod me into the right direction.

Fanfic

Here’s my secret, Cap: almost all my fic is fanfic.

Everybody knows about 50 Shades by now, right? My novel Sky Pirates of Calypsitania began its life as a notion for an AU fic about “Rainbow Dash, Airship Pirate,” even if the final story doesn’t have a little pony in sight.

Fanfic is a massive creative energy generator (well deserving of a Hugo award). One of its most powerful features is that, by piggy-backing onto established properties, it allows writers to cut to the chase in their story creation. The characters are already established and the rules of the universe are already written, so all the writer has to do is figure out what happens and write that.

Remember, however, that we’re talking about tools to get you started here, not finished stories. If all you do is shave the names and serial numbers off of a fanfic and repackage it as a new story, people are gonna notice. Fanfic can give you the bones of an outline, but you still have to go back and do the work of establishing your characters, and building your world, before you can truly call the work your own.

Genre-Mashing

This is a long-established practice, and a great one. Take two very different things you love, mash ’em together, and see what sparks fly. Put Casablanca in space and you get Babylon 5. Put a roaming samurai in the old west and you get A Fistful of Dollars. Put British snark and a touch of sentimental romance into The Book of Revelation and you get Good Omens.

There’s a lot of crossover between this category and fanfic — “alternate universe,” “fix-fic,” and “X but Y” are all well-traveled fanfic paths. You could make a cogent argument that Lord of the Rings is “Macbeth Meets Der Rings Des Nibelungen,” and Tolkien did all right for himself.

Writing to Market

And of course, there’s always just finding out what an editor wants, and writing that. For The Perfect Warrior, I was given the title and back cover blurb, and told to write an adventure that matched it.

In some ways, this is just a leveled-up version of a writing prompt. Cruising sites like Manuscript Wishlist, or checking out upcoming anthologies in your favorite genres, can not only spark cool story ideas, but has the added bonus of giving you a target market and a deadline!

Don’t Be Precious

Whatever method you use to get words flowing, the important thing to remember is that writing any story is a process and a journey. Give yourself permission to create something rough, and get writing! In the words of Tim Powers, “The first draft is supposed to be crap.” Where would the skill of the sculptor come in, if the blob of clay was perfect when it was first plopped down?

#writing #ideas #JohnRRobey #blog

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missjackil · 6 years ago

Text

My 14x11 Opinion

Damaged Goods

I have so many feelings about this episode!! Its been the hardest one to wait for all season because we were teased all week about this mysterious hug!! I am trash for brohugs, I wont even lie. Any episode that includes a brohug gets bonus points from me!! But what was different about this brohug than others? It was a slip in from behind hug that Sam wasnt expecting. Gentle, and cautious, yet full off angst and despiration.

The scene was set in a way that assured me this episode would be emotional. The library dimly lit while Sam while Sam researches for ways to help Dean. Dean wont even answer the question when Sam asks how hes feeling. Dean just doesnt want to talk about this. He makes it known though that he appreciates the effort Sam has been putting into trying to help, and Sam responds, “of course... always” . He’s not looking for praise or appreciation, its just something he is gonna do. He’s gona help Dean. Thats all. To him its like getting up in the morning and going to the bathroom. It doesnt matter what else is going on in the world, this is what’s gonna happen.now.Deans in trouble. Sam is gonna help.

Dean tells Sam he’s going to go spend time with Mom, Sam is gonna get packed up and go too but Dean wants to go alone. Sam looks hurt. This isnt surprizing. As much as Sam doesnt need to be, as we all know, he still gets insecure with his ploace in Dean’s world and he doesnt like to be left behind for anyone, even Mom. but in the traditional character of Sam Winchester, he isnt going to make a fuss, he’ll swallow it up and let Dean go if he feels he needs it. Dean isnt cold, nor blind to this. He wont tell Sam its a farewell tour, but he needs Sam to know hes loved. So he just comes around behind him and holds Sam’s head to his chest and face, and tells him to take care of himself. As sweet as this was, did Dean really think it wouldnt sound every alarm in Sam’s head? However, this hug will go down in my heart as a classic. One thing I love most about the brohugs, is that J2 deliver a fresh one every time that say their own things. Theyre never cheap, never lacking a message, and always packed with feeling.

Sam was pretty adorable when he tried to tell mom about the hug.I know he said they dont hug unless its literally the end of the world. but how was he really gonna tell him mom that they hug for many reasons, but this one was very different? Im sure she understands that theyre close, but does she even have a clue at how close and co-dependant they are? I dont think so. Sam gives her fair warning, and shes gonna keep an eye on Dean.

Meanwhile, Nick is being a dick, and has a run in with Donna. Now I know many of you all dont like Donna and Jody, mainly for the Wayward crap, but I still like THEM, I just hate that story. I really like this new, tougher Donna that came to be last season in Breakdown. The bubbly silly blonde from The Purge and Hibbing 911 got on my nerves and served no purpose but comic releif. I cant stand those characters. Thats why I dont like Garth, and never liked Ghost Facers, because all they did was assure that the episode wouldnt get very serious.But lets move on.

Mary makes Dean something he loved as a kid, Winchester Surprize. This is the first time we heard of this dish, and I would call “bullshit” on Deans ability to remember something like that from being no older than 4 the last time she made it, had he not mentioned how Dad apparently made it also, but when he and Sam tried, they messed it up and Dad got pissed and tossed it out. Dean laughed about it, but Mom was uncomfortable, and so was I. Im not a John hater as y’all know, so new negative information makes me sad. I guess before John comes back in 2 weeks, Mary will need to know that he changed a lot after she died and wasnt the greatest father to the boys.And to assure us that the reuinion wont be all rainbows and butterflies. There’s gonna be some angst.

Now Im gonna talk about how HOT Dean was while welding. the flipping of the face shield. the sparks flying around his feet, the leather apron.... mmmm Magic Mike moment y’all?? It was a great music montage, something we dont get a lot of. No Time Left For You is a good song, and for any of my readers under 40, that was an 8 track tape Dean was playing.😉 we also see that Michael is still pounding on the door in Deans head. Jensen is really doing a great job of showing us in his expressions and posture that he’s barely holding him in.

Now Sam has looked around the bunker and noticed things missing. Okay... Dean is definitely up to something. Mary waited till Dean was asleep and went to see what he was doing in the shed, she sees he’s built this box with the plan to lock himself in it and be dropped at the bottom of the ocean so Michael cant escape the box once he gets out of Deans head. Mom calls Sam, but he’s already on his way. and during this time Nick kidnaps Mary.

Now, I think Mary was just being stupid for most of this, she had no reason really not to comply with Nick. Theres a time to be tough and a time to just be practical. A big part of being a hero includes not trying to get yourself killed for no good reason. But hey, its ok because your sons are fucking suoer heros and they’ll come save your ass! So Abraxus gets released and reveals Lucifer had him kill Ncks family. This leaves me with wonder. Will Lucifer come find Nick but Nick say no to him now that he knows Lucifer had his family killed? Leaving Luci without a vessel and heading to mess with Sam again? Possibly even Jack? Hmmmm

So Donna shoots Nick in the leg, he’s arrested. Sam goes to talk to him. I didnt like that Dean bitched at Sam for letting Nick go, though Im glad Sam got to tell him why. though he’s feeling guilty about everything that happened now. Im also pretty sure that Dean was telling Sam when people cant be saved, you just walk away, more for himself than anything. So Dean barked, but he didnt stay angry and thats good.

Sam confronts Nick and apologizes for not being able to help him which is so very Sam, but, my boy is getting harder around the edges, he’s really 1000% done with the bull shit. He tells Nick he doesnt feel sorry for him, he feels sorry for the people he killed, HE can burn.

Meanwhle mom confronts Dean and tells him he knows what hes up to... and if he doesnt tell Sam, she will. Im so glad it didnt become some secret between Dean and Mom being kept from Sam. That never ends pretty.

Now, this scene, is my favorite scene so far of the season. Sam just not holding back at how horrible he thinks it was for Dean to plan to kill himself and not tell him. “Not tell me?? ME??” Do you realize how messed up that is? How unfair??” it took me back to when Dean sold his soul for Sam and Sam figured it out. Sam knows first hand how awful being trapped forever with a crazy archangel. You could see it in Sam’s eyes when he said it, he knew what Dean would be up against for eternity. “Do you know how INSANE this is?”

Dean is set in his choice and tells Sam he couldnt tell him because hes the only person who could talk him out of it💖💖and he loves hm for trying to help. Thats a very big statement in this show. So he gives Sam a choice, either he helps him, or he does it alone. Of curse Sam agrees to help. He cant save Dean if he walks away, and he wont let Dean die alone 💔💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭

Thats gonna kill me all week!! Next weeks trailer looks like a real kick in the balls, but, Im fairly sure the brutality will be over early in the episode because Donatello’s issue is the headliner. Its hard to see Dean freak out when his phone dies when hes in the box, but Im thinking maybe he’s testing it and gets a dose of what being trapped feels like, and maybe that changes his mind. So I dont think the whole episode is going to be super heavy, but we’ll have some good brofeels anyway. In conclusion I loved this episode. It could have used more Sam but Sams parts were all great! So on a scale of Bloodlines to Who We Are, this gets a 9. the heavy brolove got it massive points and more Sam COULD have taken it to a 10. See y’all next week :)

#my opinion #spn 14x11 spoilers #damaged goods

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modesty-blaise · 6 years ago

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Since I'm curious, what caused you to become very possessive of your gifs? Not out of rudeness but curious, since no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr which automatically credits you at the bottom of the gif.

Hey. Tbh, at first I didn’t wanna bother with yet another anon but since I see no ill intent behind this, I decided to go and answer it. Unfortunately, half-way through I realised my reply is turning into incredibly long semi-bitter rant and expands well beyond calling out just one person in Psychonauts fandom (and yes, this is related to Psychonauts fandom – you do know that these anons are not really that anonymous, right?) so… buckle up! All that beneath “read more”.

I’ve been on this hellsite for like…7-8 years? Maybe more? Can’t really tell cause I moved blogs and my old blog now consists of only 4 posts I’ve made close to leaving so I honestly have no idea how much time I’ve spend here before moving. Anyway, during those few years I’ve spent on my first blog I’ve met a lot of creative gifmakers who enjoyed sharing their love for fandoms they were in. I’d like to point out that this was waaaaay before tumblr created that insert-gif option so, back in the day, the only way to add gifs to your post was to: 1. make them yourself 2. take them from someone else. And a lot of people were taking them from someone else which resulted in many gifmakers giving up on making gifs and leaving fandoms and/or even leaving tumblr – and I’ve had many of my friends give up on what they love and have their games/shows/movies/whatnot ruined for them cause people would not stop stealing from them. And many of my friends eventually left tumblr cause they couldn’t deal with it anymore.

Tumblr adding insert-gif option, in my opinion, honestly, just made it worse for gifmakers. Cause now people had the opportunity to use gifs for their posts, with or without creators’ permission/knowledge, but it was alright and it was perfectly fine cause creators were credited. There’s their name at the bottom. It’s alright. Like… it doesn’t matter if they’re actually okay with people using something they’ve put hours into making or if they’re not – tumblr gives them credit so they SHOULD be okay with it. Simple as that.

Well, we’re all different and some people are not okay with that. I’m not okay with that. It took me weeks to figure out how to use photoshop correctly. Took me countless hours of looking through different tutorials and basically trial-and-error-ing my way through the process. Whenever I make gifs, it takes me hours to record videos and then hours trying to achieve that 3mb limit on gifs (thank lord these days we’re beyond 1mb limit). After all that effort I put into creating gifs for games that I love and enjoy, someone is going to make 2 clicks and have that same gif added to their post, without even asking. So how is that okay?

Back to your question. Yes, “no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr”, that is true and that is something I was aware of when I saw you-know-who announcing they would be starting 30 days Psychonauts challenge. So, hating to see my gifs used against my will, and not wanting to start any unnecessary drama and threaten people in advance with reporting them if they do use them, I’ve made my blog as private as I could. It was only accessible through the dashboard, it was not showing in ANY search engines inside and outside tumblr, and my gifs were impossible to find through insert-gif function – I’ve made sure. I did all that cause I just knew that during those 30 days, someone would use my gifs and I would get mad and I desperately wanted to avoid that (hence going extreme). And you know what happened? You know what creator of this challenge (who prevously already reposted my gifs) did? *drums* They used my shit anyway. :3 They just uploaded it from their computer, where they’ve saved it earlier.

And like… a lot of people see pretty pic and decide to save it - I mean, we all do that. Heck, even I have a folder full of shit I saw online and liked it – but i’m not uploading it online cause I haven’t made it. It’s not mine to share.

But some people are not like that.

Some people see fanart of something they like and they want to share their opinion on it – and instead of making their own post, maybe drawing the fanart themselves, they decide to use someone else’s art for their post. Do they know who made it? Do they have creator’s permission to share it? If the answer is NO, then they should be a decent human being and not do that to creators. Oh, they shared it anyway but now people in fandom are calling them out BUT this actually happened on accident? They know who the creator is but, somehow, they accidentally forgot to credit them? OK, well, it’s possible, shit happens, but they better make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Then sometime later these same people decide they want to make a post appreciating their fav character and they want to include pics cause duh, you can’t have character appreciation post without pics, right? Now they have several options: they can get their own screenshots, make their own gifs, maybe draw something… or they can just take someone else’s creation. Do they know who made it? Well there’s my fuckin name on it, and since they’ve stretched it from 245 to 500px, it’s really hard to miss, plus it’s not like there are that many people making Psychonauts gifs. Do they have permission to share it? Hmmm, nope, didn’t ask me. Is this also an accident? Could be. I mean, I’ve seen stranger things happen, so accidentally forgetting to credit content creators twice… kinda suspicious but still possible. Who am I to say?

Now if these people then decide to make a post appreciating their fav ship and they want to add a cute pic of the loving couple – yup, you guessed it! They can either create something or take something. Again: they know who did? They asked for permission? Got the permission? No?!?! But they posted it anyway?!?! :o Could it really be, that after being called out publicly, after being told that reposting is bad (something that’s very easy to understand), after even having tumblr staff intervene and remove stolen shit from their blog, after all that - could it really still be an accident?

Nah, man.

They just don’t give a shit.

Cause if they did, they’d stop with that crap first time they were called out.

(and if you think Psychonauts fandom is their only fandom and that they’re not doing this crap in other fandoms too - hoooo, boy, do I have some bad news for you! Do you know how many stolen and butchered HP fanart is on their blog? Hobbit stuff? They seem to be one of the most accident-prone users on tumblr. And honestly - it’s a real miracle their blog’s not been terminated.)

Back to what I was talking about - I’m not okay with people using my gifs and I’ve made it very clear. I literally do not give a shit if I’m credited or not, I’ve made it very clear that I don’t want my gifs used without my permission. If you like them and want them on your blog, there’s a fuckin reblog button. It’s sole purpose is to allow you to share other people’s creations. Or shitposts, cause lord knows we all love those.

So that’s why when someone spends hours going through my Psychonauts tag and goes as far as to send me “I love your gifs” anonymous message, but the very next day makes stim moodboard post including one of my gifs, now cut and resized to fit 3x3 format they’re going with, I get mad. And that’s why when someone uses one of my gifs to promote their RP blog, butchering it to fit their aesthetics, and later when confronted going as far as blaming their good friend on it cause god! they’ve had no idea it wasn’t theirs, I get mad. (makes you wonder though: if they friend has such skills, why not making them gifs themselves?)

Like…. I’ve had my gifs stolen plenty of times. I’ve had them stolen for roleplaying, for headers, for imagines, just for notes… I’ve had them stolen by people claiming to run official fan sites (that’s a real wild story but I won’t get into that now)… I’ve seen them on pinterest, weheartit, FB, all those random gif sites… and I’ve seen EVERY. POSSIBLE. EXCUSE. ranging from: “well i found it on google so why should i credit you” “lol dunno who made this but its pretty so im posting it” “ive had it on my computer for years so i don’t remember where i got it from” “i dont know how to make gifs so im using weheartit as a source” “credit to whoever made this” (that’s my fav) to “its just a gif so who gives a shit” (it’s not – it’s hours of creator’s time and lots of love that you’re now shitting on so thanks) and “i have an /illness/ and getting notes makes me feel better so dont u dare blame me for stealing” (I don’t remember exact excuse but it was something along those lines and like… how do you even respond to something that without looking like an asshole?).

And sometimes it really is just an accident. Sometimes people really do forget to credit you and/or ask you for permission. And I’ve had my fair share of those accidents. People in Psychonauts fandom have been using my gifs for various crap but, when approached, they’ve removed it and apologised. And it’s something I really appreciate. (if they actually bother reading this and they recognise themselves: i’m really grateful and thank you for not being an ass)

But you know what I don’t appreciate? People making a call out posts about me, asking about my gifs when they know very well they’re the main reasons why I’m not making those gifs anymore, at the same time failing to address any of the issues I have with them and instead rather explaining to others what happened BUT explaining only the parts that make me look like a villain cause how I even dare be mad about them stealing? How I even dare call them out on it? That is so ridiculous and criminal of me, and it’s so so sooooo bad that they need to call me out. I deserve to be called out by the very same person who’s been stealing my shit.

And their explanation is…well… it’s something.

They were sympathetic and polite? When did this happen? Did I completely missed that part? Please someone fuckin enlighten me with such post/message where they expressed their sympathy and politeness and I’ll apologise right this second.

I told them to “literally fuck off”? Yeah, that did happen, I admit that. Did they bother explaining why I told them to fuck off in the first place? Did they say they were caught stealing from me and had tumblr stuff remove my shit from their blog? Did they get into details of how they demanded the proof of my so very wild and obviously false claims but then when I showed it, they just deleted that “how dare u call me out cause I would never do such thing” post? No, they didn’t and geee, I really wonder why.

Instead, what did they choose to address? Out of all the things I’ve said. Hm? What did they choose? Me telling them to fuck off. Me dropping the F-bomb on them, rudely rejecting their obvious kindness and politeness. Nothing else.

Back to what I was talking about before I got derailed again: no, I’m not mad cause this person used my gifs without crediting me. I mean – I am, but that’s not my main issue with them (and they know it). My main issue is that this is someone who will continuously lie and steal and still deny any of it, even when there’s plenty of proof (and you can always count on me to show up with proof tbh), and then go as far as to publicly ask about my gifs and try to call me out. Like me getting mad that something I’ve put hours of work into, and something I’ve made cause I love the game and I want to share my love and appreciation for it, is now being shared against my will and my knowledge - like me getting mad over something like that is so unreasonable that they need to make an entire post about it while pretending they have absolutely no idea why I’m even mad and why we have issues.

And I have every fucking right to be mad. 3 times is not an accident. 2 times to the same person is not an accident. They know it. But yeah, playing stupid is their defense so it’s not like I expected them to actually address their actions this time either.

And you know what? Just because I swear a lot doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Doesn’t mean there’s no solid ground for my claims. People on tumblr have always been and always will be stealing shit. Sometimes they will credit you, often they will not, and that’s just how it is, doesn’t matter if you’re okay with it or not. But that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna sit quiet and accept someone’s shitty behaviour. Especially when it’s directed at me.

TLDR: giving credit =/= having permission

but my previous posts leading to this ask were not about that

you knew that already

#psychonauts #this is a lot longer than i expected #meh #also: all those posts are now under one tag #so you don't have to check my blog 4 times per day #that hobbit reposter #my psychonauts stuff

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scaryscarecrows · 6 years ago

Text

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 6

DC did it first. Take your grievances to them.

Jason and Sheila e-mail back and forth for about a week before she says that she has Thursday off so if he has Thursday off does he want to meet for lunch again?

Last time wasn’t bad. Not a lot of staring or people or anything. He can…he can probably do it again. And it’s a few days away still, so he has time to psyche himself up or, worst case scenario, fake his death and move to Canada.

And it’s been a week and she hasn’t pulled out the Pity Card on him yet and maybe…maybe this’ll all work out okay. She might never be Mom, because Catherine’s always gonna be Mom, but…but she could be Mother, maybe. He can see that in the distant (or not-so-distant?) future.

But he’s not going to rush into things, that’s what got him here in the first place. Patience, grasshopper.

Thursday rolls around and he hasn’t faked his death and moved to Canada, so he has no choice but to put on jeans and a hoodie and resign himself to a couple of hours, easy, of no sunglasses and no e-book shield.

Sorry, any small children who might come out of this traumatized.

Okay. He brings his Kindle anyway, and his sunglasses for the journey, and sticks to his normal Civilian Weaponry-couple’a knives, one pair of brass knuckles tucked into a hidden pocket in his hoodie. Last thing he needs is for someone to pick up a bullet, match it to the Red Hood’s, and come knocking on his door. His luck is bad enough that’s exactly what would happen.

Besides, it’s noon on a Thursday, and even in Gotham that’s a slow hour. Bank robbers gotta eat, too.

The monorail ride there is literal Hell (three fighting couples, two crying kids and old man with no personal spaaaaace!) and he’s literally gasping for air when he stumbles out of the car. He likes people. Honest. If he legitimately hated them all, he wouldn’t risk his life to help them. But interacting with them…he could do without that, mostly.

Whatever. Whatever. It’s over, he lived, he’s had worse.

(And no, he doesn’t hear faint cackling in his head, and that’s final.)

It’s windy today, the type of wind that buffets people every which way and is determined to keep his hood off his head. He fidgets with the drawstrings until it’ll stay and buries his hands in his pockets. Wind sucks. He can feel pollen and dust and Gotham Grime being blown onto his skin.

“Jason!”

Is he there already?

Sheila…looks a lot more haggard than she did before. He tries to remember if she’d mentioned being horribly busy, doesn’t think she did, and figures that to be fair, he hasn’t mentioned the bruise that goes halfway up his back.

She smiles, her awkward driver’s license smile, and waves. Yeah, she doesn’t…it must’ve been a long week, or maybe a rough drive or something. She looks tired.

“Hi.” He’s not sure what to call her, still. Miss Haywood is too disconnected, Sheila’s too personal, and it’s way, way too soon for Mother. Names are a pain. “I’m not late, am I?” He knows he’s not. “Monorail was packed.”

“So was the subway. Can I…?”

Her arms are half-out and he figures she’s asking for a hug. He can do a hug, as long as it’s a short hug.

“Yeah. Thanks for the warning.”

Holy crap, she feels frail. But to be fair, barring Dick’s tackle-hug, everyone’s felt frail since…since. So it could just be him. Hugs are weird now.

(“HUG YOUR DADDY!”)

No. Not today. Everything’s fine.

It’s a sort-of short hug, short enough, anyway, and he wonders, abstractedly, if a day will ever come that he’s used to that sort of thing again. If it even matters whether he does or doesn’t.

It does. Of course it does. And the day will come, in time, and he’ll be better, be normal, be what people want him to be.

Little steps.

* * *

They’ve fallen into a companionable silence and for once Jason’s not jumping whenever someone walks by in a purple sweater or anything when Sheila forces her lips out from between her teeth and says, “I know you were Robin.”

Well. That’s, uh, there’s that out of the way.

“Yeah.” There’s clearly no point in denying it. She probably put it together when Batman came knocking. “For a little while, yeah. I was.” He tastes blood, wonders how long he’s been doing that, and wishes he had gum. Or a mint. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right off, I just…old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Oh God, no, no, I didn’t mean-” She takes a drink. Her hands are shaking, she’s shaking and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. “I just. I thought I should probably make it clear that I did know, so you wouldn’t…I know I was absent, but I don’t want…you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide things from me.”

Oh. That’s. He doesn’t know what to say. Bruce, God knows, has the emotional capabilities of a Himalayan Salt Lamp. Thankfully Jason hadn’t been the type to go through crushes every two weeks, or he probably would have been in Hell. He certainly wouldn’t have…it’s not like he would have shut down the conversation, but sharing and caring? That would have been awkward and best not repeated. Alfred was the go-to for that sorta thing.

All right, then. Since they’re dropping sudden bombshells ‘n all…he has to know.

“You worked for Joker.” There. It’s out. He said it.

And now he kinda regrets it-the self-loathing on her face is a pretty good match for his own, and he can’t tell himself it’s anything less than deep, deep wishing to have made better choices.

“I did.” She straightens up, begins tearing apart a piece of bread on her plate. “Briefly. I’m not proud, but he had a line to my mother, knew where she lived, knew her schedule…knew.” She swallows hard. “Knew she had to rubber-band her jam jars because she couldn’t open them otherwise. I panicked. But it was only for a couple of months-pills, he wanted pills, as much as I could get him. And then he just…went away. I don’t know what he did with them.”

Honestly, after everything, he can’t…he doesn’t have the right to say much. And honestly? There was that one guy, who accidentally cut the fucker off in traffic and couldn’t get away from him.

And look at him. The first man he killed, that wasn’t…oh, sure, he probably had it coming, at least a little, but Jason wasn’t thinking about that or considering it like he does now, he just…he wanted to kill Bruce. Because that was right and reason at the time even though he knows it’s insanity now.

No, he can’t say much.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, and it’s suddenly easier to look at his hands. “I didn’t…that sounds awful.”

“No.” She tips his chin up and it’s an effort not to pull away and to remember that it’s fingers, warm human fingers, and not the pointy end of a crowbar against his skin. “You deserved to know. It’s only fair.”

Truth be told, it’s a relief to know that she hadn’t…yeah, technically she could’ve…maybe done something different, but she hadn’t wanted to work for him. She wasn’t like the ones he’d christened Dumb and Dumber that…they enjoyed that kinda work.

Lunch is finished in relative silence after that, though, and he’s wondering what’s going to happen now when she rifles through her purse and swears.

“Damn…I meant to grab an old photo album I wanted to show you, with some old family pictures and things.”

Pictures of Willis? Yeah, he’s good. Pictures of other people might be interesting, though.

“Next time?”

“My apartment’s a few blocks over.”

Something feels off. He’s paranoid, he knows he’s paranoid, but something…she’s been shaky and weird all afternoon and he doesn’t…

Calm the fuck down, you freak out when someone window-shops for too long!

“Is everything…is everything okay?”

Or maybe something is wrong-she pulls a napkin over and there’s suddenly a pen in her hand.

“I really do want you to see these pictures, Jason,” she says, but her hand is moving and there’s the ever-so-faint skrit-skrit of pen on paper. “I swear you got my mother’s eyes.”

The napkin slides over to him and he glances down. Her handwriting’s spikey and awful-doctor writing to the bone-but his is no better and he can read it well enough.

An old colleague has been hanging around the hospital lately.

Oh.

That explains a bit.

“Sure.”

Her shoulders drop and she crumples the napkin, nails picking it into shreds.

“I’m sorry to do this to you,” she says softly, nearly too soft for him to hear, and he’s quick to shake his head.

“No, no, I don’t mind, I’m glad you…if there’s anything I can do to…”

Shit, she looks like she’s going to start crying and that is indeed PANIC in his throat. Tears are not good.

“You’re a good boy.” Her voice is watery but there are no tears to be seen. Thank Jesus. “I promise next time we have lunch it’ll be normal.”

Oh, good, things haven’t plummeted down to fiery Hell because of all the revelations flying around.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he says, and whoops that’s his ‘all will be well, citizen, never fear!’ voice. But it must work, because the about-to-cry look disappears. “Um. Do you wanna…it looks like it’s gonna rain, should we get going?”

And so they do.

* * *

The wind has picked up and it smells like rain. He’s not looking forward to patrol later.

The wind’s not so bad, though, to stop Sheila from lighting up with a self-depreciating, “I know I’m a doctor and should know better, but I honestly don’t care.”

“I can’t really say anything.” He holds up his own pack and rattles it before pulling one out. It’s not as calming as it usually is and he doesn’t know why.

Eh. It’s been a long day, that’s all. He’s not used to interacting with people on a personal level anymore, which is his own fault and probably not necessarily a good thing.

The first few drops have started to fall when they arrive at her building-big, square, and simplistic. She fishes out her keys while they’re in the elevator (which smells like new car, for some reason).

The hallway is deserted. It’s a little creepy, to be honest-his own building might be crap, but there’s always activity. And then, of course, there was Arkham’s hallways, or what he could hear of them. Noisy. Always noisy. But this? Wayne Manor was silent like this. It unsettled him then and it unsettles him now. Call him a city boy, whatever, but he needs noise.

The brass knuckles and knives in his jacket are warm and comforting and he knows he’s not gonna need ‘em, but they make up for this creepy-ass silence.

Sheila opens the door and motions him inside. It’s dark inside-blackout curtains, probably-but he can hear the rain. It smells like new car in here, too, and he wonders, off-handedly, why-

-it’s not empty. He’s walked into one too many ‘empty’ buildings to be very, very attuned to the sound of somebody breathing. Okay. Be calm, back out and shut the door.

He’s about to do exactly that when the light switch clicks and bathes the whole place in stark white. White walls, white floors, white furniture.

Which only makes Harley Quinn stick out like a sore thumb in all that red and black.

“BAY-BEE!” She could never hope to match Joker’s grin, but she gives it a good go, stretching her makeup. Okay. Change of plans. Get Sheila out of here (and preferably out of the building), deal with Quinn. “It’s been a whiiiiile!”

He takes in the mallet leaning against the couch and the shotgun (are those fuzzy dice? Really?) in her hands and comes to the conclusion that great, she’s riding the crazy train.

But maybe she hasn’t seen Sheila yet. Where’s that goddamn light switch?

He moves, only a little, only to feel the unmistakable press of a gun against his lower back.

“Don’t. Move.”

And the world drops out from under him.

No. No, no, no, she said she quit, it was over, she said they’d let her go, she said-

The door shuts. He twists so he can still see Quinn in his peripheral. Sheila’s face is a blank mask-no tears, no joy, no nothing. Just quiet determination and he doesn’t understand, she said…

“Mom?” The word feels thick and wrong in his mouth, but maybe…maybe she’s brainwashed or hypnotized or something, maybe she doesn’t…isn’t…

“Sorry, kid.” The words are harsh but her tone isn’t. Quinn giggles in the background but she sounds so far away and Sheila’s still pressing a gun against him. “It was you or me, and, well…it had to be you.”

What?

“Aww, come to mama, baby!” Quinn giggles again before straightening up and scowling. “Now.”

His feet drag him forward, sneakers scuffing against the white carpet an’ Heaven’s s’posed ta be white, innit, so why does this feel like Hell and what’s going on she said she said-

For once horrible, desperate second, he wants Bruce. Bruce wouldn’t…yeah, he’d thought, at first, that he’d left him but he knows that he didn’t, he really didn’t, he just…

Bruce wouldn’t have pulled a gun on him, he wouldn’t and God, if he’d just fucking talked to him-

“I did what you wanted, Quinn.” Sheila’s voice is so, so flat and is this all she wanted from the beginning? Is it? “Now call your man.”

Quinn doesn’t even look at her. She’s looking at Jason like she always did-like she’s torn between wanting to rip his head off and wanting to wrap him in a blanket and keep him.

This is his own goddamn fault, he just thought…just once, just once-

“Quinn!” Desperation now, and the gun wobbles against his hoodie as she steps out from behind him. “I did what you said! Call your man!”

Okay. Okay.

He forces himself to take a few deep breaths that taste like that last cigarette outside and says, voice as steady as he can make it, “Let her go, Harley. Leave her alone, I’ll. I’ll do what you want, just. Just let her go.”

“Aww, look at you!” Her pigtails sway and he finds himself oddly hypnotized by the movement. “I knew ya had to be Robin for a reason.”

Yeah. Yeah, he was Robin and that’s all he’ll ever be, the one that fucked up.

“Please, Harley.”

“Nyeh…” She adjusts her grip on the gun, finger dancing near the trigger, and looks down at her knuckles. “Eeny, meanie, miny, moe, catch a Batman by the toe. If he hollers, let ‘im go, eeny…meanie…miny…moe!”

He sees it before she does it, but there’s no time-he’s moved maybe half a centimeter before the gun goes off-

-and Sheila.

Falls.

His ears are ringing. They’re ringing and everything’s so white except her, all blonde and blue and so fucking red because Harley didn’t miss and if he’d been quicker, he should have been-

“Aww, don’t be sad!” Harley’s not alone, of course she’s not. He should have known from the start stupidstupidstupid. “Doncha know what happens to people who know too much?”

Her eyes are open. They’re open and they’re looking at him like this is his fault and it is if he hadn’t…

S’like Joker said, once.

“Good boys know how to lay down and DIE.”

“Mistah J had a spot for ya, baby.” Huh? “But you up an’ left us before it was time! So since it’s his birthday-” The fucker has no birthday he just appeared one day too evil for Hell. “-I thought I’d get my puddin’ somethin’-” She winks. “Real nice.”

And they’re on him.

Harley’s goons are dumb, but they’re also big and they manage to drag him down for a minute before he gets a knife out of his sleeve and drives it into the nearest jaw.

“Andre!” Yeah, Andre ain’t comin’ back from that any time soon. “I thought we taught you manners!”

He reclaims his knife and scrambles back up and okay okay maybe he can get outta this-

WHAM!

Lights out.

#Jason Todd #Sheila Haywood #Harley Quinn #you knew this was coming #oh Jason I'm so sorry honey #one day you can have nice things #but not today #Roots and Leaves

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softmoxymuffin · 6 years ago

Text

“Keeping up Defenses”

chapter 7, again just forgot to upload this here but it’s already uploaded on ao3 i’m thinking of writing 2 more chapters of this then an epilogue and maybe a collection of ficlets from deans perspective i dont know yet let me know if anyone is interested

Chapter 1: Check Please

Chapter 2: Airplanes and Automobiles

Chapter 3: Tellin’ the Folks

Chapter 4: Hot Cocoa and Surprise Hugs

Chapter 5: Breakfast Sandwiches

Chapter 6: Learning Experience

Chapter 7: Keeping up Defenses

Chapter 8: Confessions in the Bitter Cold

After their successful afternoon at the Black and Brave Wrestling Academy, he and Dean had gone home with big bright smiles on their faces. During the ride back home, Seth was sorely tempted to ask a couple of questions about the things Dean had shared with his students, but seeing the satisfied look on Dean’s face, he was not willing to be the reason to change that.

They had gone home to a semi-busy house. The drive way had been newly shoveled. The garage seemed a lot more roomier than that morning, and the kitchen was far cleaner than how they had left it earlier. The boys had walked into the living room where Hector and Brandon were both helping themselves to a couple of beers. Holly and Dd were on the floor wrapping up some Christmas presents. The TV was on to a brand new game which seemed to have gotten everyone’s attention.

“Hey, how was school?” Brandon had asked with teasing in his voice.

“I had a blast.” Dean answered as he plopped himself down on the couch right behind the female members of the Rollins family. “Best day in school I’ve ever had.” He added with a chuckle.

“Oh yeah?” Seth’s older brother just smiled before he took another sip of his beer.

“Yeah, you would say that after you scared those kids shitless.” Seth added as he got two bottles of beers, one for himself and another for Dean. He gave one to the other as he sat on the couch right next to him.

Holly with a shocked and worried face had playfully smacked Dean on the calf and asked him “What did you do?” her little smirk betraying any actual scolding from the matriarch.

“Nothing,” Dean replied innocently but his blue eyes sparkling with mirth which he tried to hide behind taking his first sip of his beer.

“He rolled out like 10 feet of barbed wire and threatened to wrestle them with it.” Seth countered with a matching smirk on his face.

“Dean!” Holly now a little more outraged and gave the older man another smack on his calf, which only made Dean laugh a little harder. “You didn’t.”

“I didn’t.” he denied. “I never threatened them. I just thought I would give them a… unique learning experience.” He explained, even adding the air quotes on the last statement. “I doesn’t hurt to know as much as you can in this business.”

“Dean, it’s barbed wires!” the middle Rollins child pointed out. “It hurts no matter what you do with it.” He added.

But Dean only sank into the couch further as he drank his beer and quietly mumbled to himself. “You get used to it.”

Though Seth knew what Dean meant. Though Seth had seen more than his fair share of matches that showed a bloody Jon Moxley taking barbed wires, fluorescent lights, and countless other weapons to his body, and all with a giant smile to his face. Though Seth knew exactly what Dean was capable of, hearing that verbal confirmation of how numb to pain Dean had gotten to be over the years made the younger man’s chest tighten with an ache. As much has he wanted to just shake his friend from those types of thoughts, he didn’t think calling him out on it would really help. Thankfully, Seth’s stepdad had interjected before the temptation got too much.

“You got 10 feet of barbed wires to scare a bunch of kids?” Hector asked disbelievingly. “That’s a lot of dedication for a prank.” He added before raising his beer in mock toast to his houseguest.

“Finally, some appreciation.” Dean joked as he raised his own glass to the older Rollins. “But seriously, the barbed wires there for when you need it. I saw your fence getting a little rusted on the far end there. Thought you could use the replacement.” He added simply before he took another sip of his beer.

“I had been meaning to buy that-” the genuine surprise clear in Hector’s voice. “Thank you Jon. I owe you.” He raised his beer in a simple toast towards his house guest.

A toast Dean had raised back from his seat as he replied “Don’t mention it.” Before taking a drink himself.

Seth raised his eyebrows at the revelation. He like his stepfather had assumed the barbed wires were purely for the prank on the kids. That just seemed like something Dean would do. He was a prankster and doing something like making the effort to buy unnecessary hardware for a prank just seemed like him. Now knowing that his friend actually went out of his way to, again, buy something his family had unknowingly needed was made his chest warm with affection.

The warm camaraderie of the living room was broken with the sudden and somewhat loud ringtone of Taylor Swift’s ‘Never Getting Back Together’ coming from the phone on the coffee table. The phone Seth recognize to belong to his younger sister Dd. Dd who then made an annoyed sigh as she tried to ignore the ringing phone and continue with her gift wrapping.

“D, come on pick it up or put it on silent mode. We’re trying to watch the game.” Brandon had complained.

Mumbling a curt ‘fine’ under her breath, Dd took her phone only to reject the incoming call and put her phone on silent before putting it down and going back to her work. The Rollins family, with Dean, enjoyed another 5 minutes of watching the game before the phone began to rang again. This time vibrating incessantly on the glass counter top. The whole family seemed to clearly made a collective effort to ignore the ringing until the youngest member could make a decision on what to do with it.

This collective agreement was either lost on Dean or he had actively disregarded for putting his beer down and grabbing the phone in his hand. Dd to her credit tried to grab it before the other man could take it, but was too slow to do anything. Everyone was on the edge of insisting Dean to not do anything and just give it back, but again no one was quite fast enough to stop the man.

“Hello,” Dean had answered casually with a thick and over the top Texan accent. “This here’s Zeke for Sex and Sound, your number one source for all-male erotic voice play. How may I help you darlin?” Dean had drawled out so effortlessly the whole Rollins family could not decide how to react.

Brandon practically shot beer out his nose. Hector, for all his stoicism, just seemed both confused and disturbed by what he was hearing. Holly was scandalized but seemed to be curious about what was going to unfold. Dd went from being upset and embarrassed had to cover her mouth with her hand to stop herself from laughing her head off. Seth froze in his seat. His jaw dropping at Dean’s audacity to not only pick up his sister’s phone, presumably presumedly intercepting a call from her ex, and then to pretend to be a phone sex operator in front of his whole family like he was just ordering pizza.

“Oh hello Ryan, what can I do you for?” Dean drawled sexily with a smirk on his lips and twinkling in his eyes. He had winked for a split second towards Dd before he continued. “Nope. No Dd here Ryan… But you know what I got a big D right over here just for you.” He had teased which forced everyone in the room to suppress giggles. “Oh calm down sugar… no need to get all testy. Unless you’re into that sort of stuff then well…” Dean’s smile just seemed to get bigger as he played the role. “Well you know what, with an attitude like that sounds even a good ole’ fucking ain’t gonna cure that. Scumbags like you give dick a bad name… so unless you want me to bill you for the filth you’re spewing in my direction right now, then I suggest you quit calling this number or you’ll be expecting a whole different kind of fucking going your way, sugar.” He made an exaggerated kissing sound before he hung up the phone and handed it over to a stunned Dd.

Now the whole Rollins family was frozen. None of them knew how to process what they had just heard. Even Seth was having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact his best friend had made up some ridiculous sexed up Matthew McConaughey accent to scare off his sister’s asshole ex. It was fucking glorious.

“Goddamn…” Hector was the first to break the silence. His eyes fixated on Dean as if he had just grown a second head or something.

“That was amazing!” Brandon had finally spoke up after recovering from choking on his beer. “Holy crap!”

“Brandon! Language!” Holly had called out before lightly patting Dd on her shoulder and motioned towards Dean. “Dd do you have something to say?”

“Oh my God, thank you so much!” she said excitedly as he quickly got to her feet and surprised Dean by giving him a tight hug.

Seth was still kind of frozen on the spot after what had happened, but the way his sister too easily wrapped her arms around Dean’s neck made the warmth in him started to chill. He could only stare as his best friend awkwardly tried to return the hug without leaving his sitting position on the couch. A shy tight lipped smile on his face as he leaned forward on to Dd’s shoulders just before she let go and went back to the floor.

“He’s been driving me insane since yesterday. Couldn’t get rid of him.” Dd explained. “You really didn’t have to do that Dean.” he added.

“Don’t sweat it kitten. Assholes like that need to be put in their place. Let me know if he tries to call you again, I’m sure I can get Zeke out for another round.” Dean said with a flirty wink towards the girl.

That chill in Seth now ran cold. Oddly enough he doubted it was the fact that it was his sister that was getting his friend’s attention that made him feel that way. It was something else Seth couldn’t put his finger on, but he knew he didn’t like how it felt.

It was fairly quite for the rest of the night. Holly and Hector went to make dinner while the rest of them stayed in the living room to continue watching TV. After the game Seth decided to leave, thinking he might just need to rest before dinner started. He had turned back before going upstairs, his invitation for Dean to hangout dying on his lips as he watched his sister take his place on the couch as the rest went ahead and started to choose a movie for all of them to enjoy. Seth bit his tongue and quietly went to his room. That weight in his chest just seemed to only get heavier.

That night Seth had another dream. Again they were at the steakhouse. Again their had their steak and eggs. Again their waiter had assumed they were a couple, but this time the mention only made Seth smile. They fast forward to being in their room. Their clothes excitedly taken off each other. Their hands never getting enough of each other’s skin. Lips so insistent but soft kissing each other breathless. Seth found himself pushed to the bed as he stared up watching Dean standing over him. His body looking so strong and warm and inviting. Heat practically radiated off of him. Then dream Dean spoke, or was it Zeke?

“Sugar, you’re the prettiest goddamn thing I had ever seen…” he drawled before climbing on the bed and crawling towards him.

All that heat Seth had felt suddenly dissipated. A sense of dread overcoming him. It was Dean’s face inching closer towards him. It was his body. It was him. Seth wanted it to be him, but it wasn’t. Seth tried to crawl away, only meeting the headboard. His face coming closer and closer for a kiss. This dream Dean slowly growing more and more unfamiliar to him. This Dean being all show and nothing more. Exaggerated expressions and over the top voice. Dream Dean was not his Dean. He was not Seth’s Dean. He was not his. Not his. Not his. Not his…

Seth shot out of bed that morning. His body covered in sweat. His lungs aching for breath. His chest even heavier than he had felt the night before. He tried to lay back down and go back to sleep but every time he closed his eyes he only got visions of the Dean in his dream, or nightmare. Those last words ringing through his head again and again. Seth forced himself out of bed and took a much needed shower. All he needed was to start his day. That’s all he needed. It’s what he needed.

After hurriedly got dress and much like how he started the day before he made his way towards Dean’s room. He knocked on the door like yesterday, and like yesterday he heard nothing back. He opened the door then once again welcomed by the sparse look of the room; desk hardly touched, the bed made. Nothing in the room suggested an occupant other than a neatly packed bags in the corner. Seth quickly left and made his way downstairs.

“Hey mom, where’s Dean?” the question like déjà vu to his ears.

“Good morning sweetie, you missed breakfast.” Holly answered as she was putting away the last dish she had just washed.

“Huh?” It was only then that Seth looked up at their wall clock; 10:34am. He hadn’t realized how much he overslept. “Oh, sorry mom.” He apologized and gave him mom a quick peck on the cheek before getting himself a cup of coffee.

“How’d you sleep?” she asked innocently.

Quick flashes of his dream ran through his head. Dream Dean’s flirty smile mocking him from deep in his subconscious. To be honest he hadn’t slept well, but his mom didn’t have to know about that.

“Good.” He lied.

“Well, I had put some of the leftovers in the oven” she motioned towards the food.

“Oh, thanks mom.” He replied as he made his way towards the oven and took a quick look inside. A nice little spread was left in front of him that made his stomach grumble. Before he took anything he asked his mom again “Hey mom, have you seen Dean?”

“Oh, he already left.” She answered as she folded the dishtowels. “He went out with Dd.” She added.

Seth suddenly lost his appetite.

“They went out?” he asked and was only answered with his mom’s curt nod. “Where’d they go?” he asked.

“Well Dd said she was headed to the mall for some last minute shopping.” She explained. “Dean had forgotten about shopping altogether and asked if she could join her.”

Dean asked if he could join her.

Seth closed the oven door abruptly at that. The sight of the food making his stomach feel worse. He opted to get himself a cup of coffee and hoped the hot beverage would be enough to ease his gut.

“Not hungry sweetie?” she asked.

“Nah, I’m good.” He lied again, hiding his face behind his coffee mug. “Hey, where’s dad and Brandon.”

“Oh they went out to fix that whole in the fence Dean had spotted.” She answered. “That was really sweet of him to buy that for us. Think your dad wants to offer to pay him back for the wire.”

Yeah, Dean was sweet, Seth thought as a smile slowly creeped to his lips. A smile he quickly erased with another sip of scalding coffee, wanting it to replace the that bloom of warmth in his chest.

“I’m gonna go and lend them a hand.” He quickly said as he went to put on his boots and jacket before leaving.

“Oh ok, are you sure sweetie?” she asked worriedly. “You didn’t eat anything.”

“I’m fine mom.” He lied for the third time before he opened the door and walked out.

Dean asked if he could join her. Those words made the pit in Seth’s stomach feel even worse. It really shouldn’t though. Dean wasn’t his to keep. The other man was not obligated to stay by Seth’s side. He certainly didn’t need to ask permission to leave. He definitely could leave with just about anyone, including Seth’s sister.

Should Seth really be surprised though? Ever since he’s been friends with the other wrestler his younger sister had an embarrassing crush on the other man. Seth had always thought it was just her way of irritating him; mentioning how hot people he had to work with were. Dean wasn’t exactly the first guy his sister set her eyes on. Why should he worry either

Like, yes he has seen Dean flirt. He had seen him charm the pants on many a women. Dean had always had this cool cockiness about him. He’d give them that bright smile, show off his dimples, and use those baby blue eyes of his. Dean was incredibly attractive. Seth was not blind to that fact. He had just never considered it until now.

Even if they went out. It didn’t mean anything. They went to the mall for gods sake. They went out to buy Christmas presents. Of course Dean had not gifts prepared, this whole trip was unplanned. It was obvious he’d need to buy stuff. Who else better than his sister to bring shopping with. Who else should have Dean brought shopping with? Really who?

Dean was not his. Words from his dream seemed to creep up on him and took a hold of his heart. The ache he had felt I the pit of his stomach spreading all over. Seth wished the bitter cold of winter and maybe the strain on his muscles from hard work would be good enough to distract him from the confusion in his head and the ache in his middle.

He finally reached the far end of their back fence. His stepdad and Brandon working on the old barb wire had rusted through. Though Dean had only spotted one area that really needed the repair, Hector had decided to go from one end of the fence to the other and fix what needed to be fixed. They had the extra wire, they might was well used it. The prospect of finally fixing their whole fence made the patriarch smile, while it made Brandon groan. He more than once mentioned how this was not something he was expecting for his Christmas vacation. It was fair to say Brandon did not get any sympathy from either Hector and Seth.

They had ended up working until mid-afternoon. Following the fence and making sure they had fixed everything right up. Seth could feel the cold soaking through his skin. The ache seeping through his bones. But it was better than how he had felt a couple of hours earlier. He actually had the chance to forget about what was bothering him. He thought that was enough to calm his nerves for the rest of the day.

That plan shot out of the window when the first thing he saw walking back into their house was Dean and Dd sitting down at the dining room table having a couple cups of coffee. That ache in his gut came back in full force.

“Hey man,” Dean greeted. “How goes the repair?”

Before Seth could say anything, Hector had jumped in and answered for them. “It was great. All that barbed wire you bought had really helped Dean. Thank you.”

“Well I’m glad it helped.” He smiled to the older man. “Was worried I bought too much, but can you believe they sell that stuff in 10 feet coils now? Couldn’t get anything less than that.” He complained.

“It was more than enough, went out and fixed the fence end to end.” Hector announced happily before getting a cup of coffee himself.

“Yeah Dean, thanks a lot.” Brandon said sarcastically, but clearly just fooling around with them. “Hadn’t realized how damn long our fence was until today.”

“Quit whining! It’s good for you to actually get yourself working.” Seth replied to his older brother.

Seth took his time and waited for his turn at the coffee machine, all the while staring at the Dean and Dd seated somewhat close to each other talking low about something that made Dean smile.

“So!” Seth may have said a little too loudly. “How was the mall?” he asked more towards Dean.

“It was great.” Dd was the one who answered. “Hadn’t realized they added so much to the place. It was really great. Got a ton of stuff for tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Seth asked dumbly.

“Yeah, tomorrow.” Dd answered, and when her brother didn’t seem to get the hint she elaborated. “The Christmas party. For the guys at the wrestling school. At your café. Mom’s been prepping for it for weeks. Did you forget?”

Seth completely forgot. Since starting Black and Brave they’ve had a yearly Christmas party celebrating the past year. This year he had actually added a new venture of starting a small café near the academy. A nice little coffee shop for their community. It wasn’t an official opening, but it was his mom’s idea to have a soft opening just for them to celebrate the holidays as well as the new business. Seth felt like an asshole for forgetting, and he was sure it had shown on his face.

“Wow, and here I was thinking you just forgot to invite lil ole’ me.” Dean teased as he took another sip of his coffee. When Seth hadn’t smiled at the teasing Dean backtracked and said. “Don’t sweat it man. You’ve been really busy and worked up over stuff. Everything’s going to be fine. Go grab a coffee and a doughnut here.” He said comfortingly as he motioned to the small spread of sweets they must have gotten from the mall.

Seth did his best to calm down. After everything that’s been going on he couldn’t believe he had forgotten about the Christmas party and the coffee shop. He had been so distracted he forgot. He finally got the chance to take a cup of coffee for his own. He took the free seat right next to Dean and was just about to get a doughnut for himself when Dd squealed.

“You will not believe how many people are commenting on my post right now. It’s insane.” She said as she shoved her phone towards Seth.

“Still have no idea why anyone would be interested in that.” Dean said before taking a bite of his doughnut.

“Because my friends are freaking out about who my mystery date was for today.” She said with a big smile.

It wasn’t until Seth had actually taken a good hard look at the Instagram post his sister was referring too. It was generic Instagram picture for sure. It had the soft filter and the non-descript background. It was the subject of the photo that really got Seth’s attention. It was Dd’s hand clasping another. Though there was hardly any hint to the man attached, Seth knew instantly. It was Dean’s hand. In the caption below it said ‘shopping with someone special’ followed by a few emojies of red and pink hearts and yellow smiles.

For the second time that day, Seth suddenly lost his appetite to eat. He resided himself to quietly finishing his coffee and saying goodbye to everyone before heading back upstairs. If he thought his body felt heavy right after fixing the fence, it was nothing compared to how down and out he felt at that moment as he practically dragged his feet back to his bedroom.

He landed on his bed with a disappointed whoosh, letting the weight of his limbs and everything he was feeling just pull him to bed. Seth felt like all that hard work was for nothing. He was glad to be of helped. He was glad to have spent the afternoon with his family. He should be glad for the somewhat productive day he’s had, but he can’t. The ache in his chest just wouldn’t let him.

He just felt defeated by his emotions. Logically he knew it most likely meant nothing. Just another ploy for Dd to get back at her ex. He knew that it was just a shopping trip to the mall. He knew that if anything was going on Dean would be the first one to tell him. He knew that it was nothing. He knew. Did he?

A knock at the door startled him from his overthinking. He didn’t even have the energy to angrily shout at whoever was at the other side. He knew deep down that no matter how shitty he was feeling right now, he shouldn’t be taking it out on anyone.

He slowly got out of bed and made his way to open the door only to be met with the one person that he really could not stand to look at right now.

“You ok?” Dean asked worriedly.

“Yeah,” Seth needed to get better at lying. “Just not feeling well. Must be from all the work.”

“-Or it might be from the hunger.” The other wrestler countered as he got out a plate of goodies for him. “Your mom said you hadn’t eaten anything since this morning.”

It was only then that Seth really felt the emptiness in his stomach. He had been much too upset to even realize it until now.

“Thank you,” he said sheepishly as he took the plate offered to him.

“You’re welcome.” Dean replied, and before he turned to leave he asked. “Are we cool?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t we be?” another lie.

“I mean, you haven’t really talked to me all day. Just wanted to make sure.” He answered.

“I mean you’re the one who left with Dd.” Seth said without thinking, the hurt look on Dean’s face making him regret his words instantly.

“Is that what this is about? Seth, seriously?” He answered exasperatedly. Seth looked at him with a somewhat clueless but sad expression. “Seth it was just a shopping trip to the mall. I needed help to buy stuff and Dd was already heading there so I decided to ask for her help.” He explained.

Seth looked at him suspiciously, he already knew all of this even without Dean saying it. He knew, but he still felt the need to hear it from Dean. “And that photo was what?”

“That was just to mess with her ex.” Dean answered. “It didn’t mean anything. Hell even she knows that.”

“You sure?” he just had to ask.

“Yeah Seth, I’m sure.” Dean’s irritated tone ringing through more strongly now, but when Seth didn’t seem to budge from the issue he added “I’m not interested in your sister Seth.”

“Well maybe you’re not.” He countered.

That made Dean fold his arms to his chest and asked “What are you trying to say?”

“I mean…” What was Seth trying to say, he stuttered with his words. “I- well- I just mean, you might. You know. Give her the wrong idea.”

Dean raised both eyebrows with surprise, his blue eyes clearly showing his hurt and confusion. “You think I could do that to her? -Wow, didn’t realize how much of douche you thought I could be.” The blond fidgeted in his place, not able to look at Seth in the eye.

Seth didn’t understand until now how accusatory he had been sounding towards Dean. Of course he would never have thought Dean would take advantage of his sister, but it was too late it had already been said.

“Dean I-” Seth tried to explain himself.

“Save it Seth,” he turned to walk away but before he did he added. “You know what, she’s a lot smarter than you give her credit for. Might actually learn a thing or two from her.” He said condescendingly.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Seth asked.

“Nothing,” he answered. “Should I leave now?” he asked.

Somehow deep inside him Seth knew Dean was not asking to leave the hallway, nor leave his sight. Seth had a overwhelming feeling that he meant leave for good and no matter how bad he was aching before, the thought of Dean leaving was worse.

“No,” he answered. He had put his plate down on the nearest flat surface in his room and carefully approached the other man. Carefully he wrapped his hand around Dean’s wrist. “Stay.”

“You sure? Coz it sounds like you don’t want me here.” He replied.

“I do.” You have no idea how much. He thought but could not say. “I want you to stay… please.”

Dean seemed to soften right before his eyes. The tension from his body seemed to fade away. The anger on his face making way to calmness. It was only then that Seth realized how close he was to losing him.

“You sure?” he had to make sure again.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He answered with a soft smile. “Plus my mom would kick my ass if I kicked you out. Especially before the Christmas party.” He joked.

“Well, you’re mom can totally whip your ass.” Dean agreed with a chuckle. “You still want me there?”

“Of course I do.” Seth wasn’t sure if he ever wanted him to leave. “I want you there.”

Dean shrugged it off simply as if making the decision final in his head before saying “Ok,” then made the move to walk away but before that had to ask. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah,” he answered. “Just hungry I guess.”

“Well eat up,” Dean replied. “Just tell me what you want and I’ll go get it for you.” He added as he started to talk back down the stairs towards the kitchen.

Seth stood there dumbly wishing he knew how to tell Dean exactly what he wanted, but just could not risk the possibility of never having it, or worse losing what little he has now.

How do you tell someone they are all they have ever wanted without making them run for the hills?

#blagamuffin writes stuff #check please series #ambrollins #ambrollins fic #i like seeing them fall in love #who can blame them #again seth is still overthinking shit up #dean is just trying to be himself #plus i think dean's got a wickedly sexy voice #hmmmmmmmmmm

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eblisbaculum · 7 years ago

Text

In Defense Of

Inspired by this post

It wasn’t a very big leap to say that Prompto was Noctis’ only friend.

Sure, Ignis and Gladio were always around, and they cared about his wellbeing past what it meant to them as a job, but they’d only gotten to that level of friendliness because they were paid to be there.

That made Prompto special - he’d careened into his life with a slap on the back like they’d talked consistently for years. And if Prompto wanted to pretend that their first encounter in elementary didn’t happen, then so be it; all that mattered now was that they were as thick as thieves, and Prompto hadn’t had an incentive to be there.

Of course, there were perks to being best friends with the Prince of Lucis - Noctis would be lying to himself if he said it hadn’t been a worry that turned over in the late hours of the night since Prompto started making plans to hang out after school let out.

But he knew Prompto now - the guy didn’t have it in him to play anyone like that. He was all smiles and jokes and sometimes things went so far over his head they may as well have fired into the sun. He was a good person, and Noctis doubted there was a mean fibre in his body.

At least - that’s what he’d thought. Now he wasn’t so sure.

Noctis knew that for all his celebrity as the next in line for the throne, he wasn’t exactly the most popular person in school. Days where people crowded him and asked him what it was like being prince and how lavish the Citadel had to be were long gone. Instead, it was whispers behind his back of girls gossiping about how he and Prompto were “so obviously gay”, and that was why he’d never taken any interest, and the subsequent intense jealousy from the rest of the guys in his class because no one they ever fancied payed them any attention.

Noctis was used to their two faceted nature. Their backhanded compliments were just a given, because of course no one would outright attack the Prince of Lucis unless they wanted to have a meeting with the Kingsglaive.

Prompto, as it turned out, was not.

–

“Heeeey Noct!” Prompto chirped as his hands landed on Noctis’ shoulders, using them for support as he leaped over the back of the bench he was slouched against.

They’d been released from school a quarter of an hour ago. Noctis had had a particularly gruelling math test last period, but he was reluctantly relieved that Ignis had made him study. Hopefully his grades would reflect his efforts.

Prompto smellef like sweat beneath his deodorant, and when he dropped down next to Noctis and began runmaging through his bag he could see the sweat sticking his bangs to his forehead.

“Man, it’s so hot,” Prompto puffed, flopping backwards against the bench, tilting his head back to chug the leftover water in his bottle. His blazer was rolled into a ball and shoved into his bag - Ignis was gonna stop ironing it, one of these days.

“Yeah. Where were you today? Iggy made you a salad for lunch and it’s gone soggy.”

Prompto gave him a pointed look, even as he took the box Noctis offered him from his bag and set into the wilted greens.

“You thure you jutht di'n’t wanna eat your vege'th, Noct?” He swallowed. There was a splotch of dressing on the corner of his mouth that was driving him crazy. “What’re you, twelve?”

Noct hummed, leaning forward to swipe it away with his thumb like Ignis did when there was too much sauce in his burgers. Prompto munched on without care. How he could stand to eat so many vegetables was beyond him. “Only in spirit. So what took you so long? What happened at lunch, I didn’t get a text or anything, dude.

Prompto smiled guiltily. “Well. I uh, got to spend the day in the guidance counselor’s office…so that’s a thing. I didn’t want to risk getting my phone taken off of me - I just barely escaped a suspension as it is.” The guilty look got shyer Prompto laughed in the way he did when he was trying to avoid a conversation he didn’t want to have. “I…may or may not have accidentally broken Parvos’ nose with a dodgeball?”

Noctis lifted his brows. Prompto winced, putting the salad down and waving his hands dramatically like he was trying to gain the attention he already had.

“Hey! Don’t look at me like that! I didn’t mean to break his nose!” Prompto’s cheeks had lit red, sinking low in his seat. He was positively pouting, arms crossed defensively over his chest.

“Dude, you’re usually so onto that type of thing. What happened?”

“Well…my shoelace was untied, y'see…” he trailed off, eyes skirting sideways to watch a group of upperclassmen walking over to a waiting car. Noctis knew Ignis was probably just idling around the corner, waiting for his text.

Noctis snorted as he sent the text off, and less than a minute later Ignis’ sleek black car was pulling into a parking spot. He stood, shaking his head at him. “Say no more. Your clumsiness is gonna come back to bite you one day, Prom.”

“Hey, I take total offense to that!” He jumped up defiantly, and the remaining salad met the concrete in a splatter of leafy green and tomato red. Prompto turned to the car and smiled sheepishly. Noctis had to press his lips together to stop himself from laughing. Ignis’ head had dropped to press against the top of the steering wheel.

“Okay, okay…only mild offense.“

–

Noctis didn’t really think on the incident much more. He offhandedly mentioned it to Ignis, who apparently thought his best friend nearly getting suspended was funny if the little smile he had on his face for the next ten minutes was anything to go by.

When he asked what the look was for, he only got a confusing “well, he is a Scorpio,” back.

Which made exactly zero sense.

It all came to a head one day when Noctis was late to school - his dad had made him sit in on some dumb council meeting on trade agreements, and he’d spent the whole time trying not to look like he was falling asleep.

It was already almost lunch, so Prompto was probably in their usual spot in the courtyard, so he began to make his way there when a voice stopped him just around the corner.

“Does King Regis even, like, do anything useful? Like, for real? My parents say the kingdom is gonna, like, fall to pieces or something before Niflheim even manages to get it’s gnarly fingers in here,” a high, mocking voice said.

Noctis rolled his eyes. It wasn’t like they even knew half the crap his dad had to deal with. He’d have loved nothing more than to lay into her for being ungrateful for everything his dad did for Insomnia, but a lot of it wasn’t general knowledge to the public, and he didn’t fancy having to fix the scandal it would cause, either.

He was just about to round the corner and at least make his presence known when Prompto’s voice came from down the hall, rapidly getting louder. In a cutthroat tone Noctis would have never associated with him he said, “Oh sweety, that is, like, so funny, because last time I, like, checked it was, like, your father’s, like, business, that’s like, ’falling to pieces’.” He’d adopted a falsetto, high and snarky. Noctis was more than a little surprised by the way he mimicked her tone. He could almost imagine a cocked eyebrow and a hip jutt to match, like in the teen high school comedies Prompto liked to put on when he came to the apartment.

“Oh - oh look, it’s the Prince’s lap dog. Come on, Prompto, he’s like, not even here. What’s even the point in defending him?” Her voice didn’t sound as confident as before, the sounds of her other friends giggling around her. It reminded Noctis of the counsel members who’s vote got overturned.

For a minute, Prompto didn’t say anything, and Noctis felt real fear drill into his gut. But Prompto didn’t side with them, like he’d dreaded. Instead, there was the scuffle of footsteps, a surprised squeak as lockers crashed with a bodily impact. There was a chorus of “woah’s!“ and a "back off, Prompto! Gods!”

“He’s my friend, and he’s never done anything to you so quit mouthing off before I make you.”

Undetterred, but sounding far less confident, she missed, “You know as well as the rest of us that he’s got his head so far up his own ass that he’ll never see you as anything but his little bitch.”

Noctis sunk carefully against the wall. He was all at once furious on Prompto’s behalf, and also rooted to the spot.

In a voice Noctis had to strain to hear, Prompto laughed something bitter and sharp and said, “oh, you want this bitch to bite, huh? Because it’s worse than my bark, honey. Go ask Parvos’ nose.”

Noctis could almost hear her mouth opening and closing - he could feel his own doing the same. “Wait - Parvos?”

“You can say goodbye to that pretty little nose job if you keep talking shit.” His words were biting, and they sent a sharp zap of electricity up his spine.

Oh. Oh.

Well. That was - that stirred something in Noctis’ chest that he wasn’t sure he wanted to entertain the existence of.

“So why dont you and your friends back the fuck off before I smack you the fuck off? Okay?”

The other girls were quiet - Noctis could just make out their shuffling feet, like they didn’t want to be involved in the fight.

There was silence, and then the sound of the lockers being pushed against. With a last scoff that sounded weak to Noctis’ ears, She said, “w-well, why don’t you just go and fuck your boyfriend, Argentum? Gods!”

Her footsteps stomped away, several others scurrying after her. Noctis slipped out from around the corner, watching the gaggle of girls make their way out into the courtyard. Prompto was staring after them, cheeks flushed a vague pink and his brows drawn down with what Noctis thought looked oddly like contempt. It wasn’t an expression he’d ever seen on Prompto’s face, but the way he’d been speaking with the way he looked all hackles raised made Noctis feel queasy in a way that felt…really good.

Oh. Oh boy. Oh no.

This…this was gonna be a problem.

#promptis #promptis fic #ffxv #final fantasy xv #ffxv fic #prompto argentum #noctis lucis caelum #can you tell i dont fuck with latin #we can all tell i dont fuck with latin right #ffxv drabble #noctis #prompto #fic #my writing

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coalitiongirl · 7 years ago

Note

ive been watching your scenes to rewatch and ive been crying at literally all of them. out of curoisity, what are your favourite ouat scenes? either sq or general? also side note, i love your latest fic, such an interesting premise. i get so scared every time someone says an order and emmas forced to comply, that scene with the trolls had me on edge. and the fact that cora must suspect something about emma now - im so scared but excited ahah :D have a nice day :)

OH I super dropped the ball on those omg, i have so many others!! but i haven’t been able to rewatch in a long time, it hard 😩

of course i LOVE almost every swan queen scene!! it’s hard for me to pick favorites because nearly every one pings something else inside me omfg. I don’t think there’s a single sq scene I couldn’t write an essay about WHOOPS. so lemme try to answer this with just some of my favorite non-sq scenes 😅

Emma in True North: hoo boy, this is probably in my scenes to rewatch but that scene on the road, MAN. there’s so much careful buildup with emma’s abandonment issues and how much she sees herself in nick and ava. and they have a chance she never does and dammit, she fights for them!! she fights for two kids just like her and they get their moment and jmo turns that realization into agony with sheer artistry in emma’s FACE in their final moment. god.

Regina in We Are Both: this was the episode that sold me on Regina! tbh i’d marathoned s1 as soon as they announced mulan was going to be in s2 so i hadn’t been focusing much on thinking before that?? and then suddenly there’s Regina, in all her rich and layered stories, and i fell hARD. the whole narrative of the episode- Regina resisting parental abuse until she becomes what she’s always feared to be free!! and that translating into her saying ‘no, this isn’t going to continue to the next generation. even if i lose the only thing that matters to me.’ do u ever stan!!! I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE VERY WELL. END ME.

Emma in Firebird: listen. never follow ur idols to ur next fandom or you’ll suddenly realize they actually hate women and then get ‘’’muted’’’ for ‘’’yelling at her too much’’’ but jane espenson did a GOOD with the flashbacks in this one (present day still literal and figurative hell tho!!). The concept of Emma’s jacket as armor isn’t an original one, but the execution was honestly stellar. Emma forging this connection with an older hardened woman who can’t let go of the past either!! emma destroyed and remade into the lady we met on her twenty-eighth birthday. GOD. SHE FINDS HER DAUGHTER. and i gotta say, the vulnerable-tearful-young thing jmo was doing w emma in s5 didn’t work for me in terms of what present day was trying to convey, but it’s a perfect fit for that flashback, i WEPT.

Regina in Quite A Common Fairy: Lana OWNS the cave scene with Tink, god. The depth and breadth of emoTION. The episode and the narrative itself builds it up from episode one! because this regina on the road to redemption but finally giving us a glimpse into the emotional and mental state she was in as the young queen- she has all this rage and she’s SUSTAINED by it, it’s her only real truth and constant and she’s terrified of what might happen if she lets it go for even an instant and chooses hope instead. (Lana’s voice when Regina says she’s afraid that without rage she might just ‘—float away’ is something that has stayed with me for a long, long time.) REGINA PULLING OUT HER HEART TO MAKE A POINT. far from the last time she will, but how affecting!! god!!

Emma and Snow in S1: There are a few moments i’m thinking of (and i’m literally writing this on the treadmill so pls forgive the lack of episode names) and all of them are so stellar, god. The moment when Snow finds Emma living out of her car early on. Snow and Emma sitting at the table at the loft holding hands. Emma lying down next to a crying Snow. Snow yelling at Emma for being so selfish when she tries running off with Henry?? EMMA SHOWING UP AT MARY MARGARET’S DOOR SEARCHING FOR A ~PERSON~ AND MARY MARGARET SILENTLY LETTING HER IN. Snow and Emma work best in S1 in the silences and the fights, where they’re allowed to just care and be family, and I treasure each of those moments as much as they do.

Regina and Zelena in the Kansas: There’s a lot of effort put into this dynamic right near what seemed like the end, playing with how exactly Zelena perceives her happy ending to go- and then Regina strikes it all down by being different, by changing, by being someone Zelena hadn’t believed either of them capable of. And then Regina goes to Zelena’s cell and offers her!! sisterhood!! my god. i instantly fell in love with the dynamic in that moment and i’m forever pressed that the ‘it’s nice to have family in town’ line was cut. because you can tell that regina craves family and craves unmaking this second monster of her mother’s and zelena was going to TAKE that second chance and hey! this seems the perfect time to go off-message and

Belle in Family Business and Heroes and Villains: imma be honest, i like belle just fine in the early seasons but i have zero interest in rumbelle, which means a lot of fast-forwarding through her scenes. But these two scenes were ENCHANTING. Mirror Belle preying on Belle with the truth that she’s afraid to face! Emilie does such a fantastic job conveying so much cruelty in that scene, I was gaping and enthralled and hoping shattered sight was going to work exactly like that (and tbh props to ginny for doing a hella creepy snow at the start of Shattered Sight). And that town line scene!!! What a stunning, evocative scene. Belle reclaiming agency and taking action in such a 100% cold-blooded but necessary way!! that’s my ravenclaw babe!!!

Mulan and Aurora: I was young, and I Believed, and I Believed for a very long time. I am appalled at my naïveté too, don’t worry.

Regina in Enter the Dragon: LOOK it’s not about the leather but it’s a lil about the leather!!! I really appreciate both Regina in the past and present in this one and also how gay it is, and I’m most charmed by lil evil pep talking nugget Regina who just wants you to be the very best villain you can be! It’s such an artful melding of the exuberance of young!Regina and the delight in chaos of eq!Regina and i, for one, am a fan.

Emma (and Henry) in The Stranger/An Apple Red as Blood: my gOD. Okay I think one of the first times I cried while watching this show was in Emma’s desperate, hysterical denial to August about the curse. She’s so clearly hit rock bottom and she’s TERRIFIED of believing and it’s breaking her. SHE DIDNT ASK TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYONES HAPPINESS. SHE DOESNT WANT IT. THAT IS CRAP!!!! i love her!! i love emma swan!!! i do!!!!! and then moving into the end of the next episode when she tells henry she’s leaving and just!! ‘henry! life isn’t a story!’ man this show had some incredible early work. sigh. emma kneeling in front of henry begging him to listen! my god.

Regina in the Cricket Game: so i’m leaving out all my fave sq moments which severely limits the number of regina and emma scenes i can talk about here but the flashbacks in this one SURE ARE SOMETHING. regina has hit rock bottom in this set and you feel it in every moment, in her REGRET THAT I HAVE NOT CAUSED MORE PAIN and frickin stABBING snow and that dark scene with the candle oh god. this is a regina who doesn’t think about looking back anymore but who doesn’t think about looking forward, either, and she’s terrifying. it reminds me a lot of the scene later this season in Welcome to Storybrooke where she takes out snow’s heart and ‘see? i can have everything’ but there are tears sliding down her face. regina in enraged despair is something to behold!!

Henry (and Emma and Regina) in Operation Mongoose: Henry doesn’t often get lengthy times to shine that aren’t about other characters, but he was literally a YA hero in the author’s universe! man! what a kid! and his scenes with bandit Regina are some of my all-time favorites, as is that heartstopping moment when he reaches the top of that tower and flings the door open and Emma KNOWS him. reader, i wept. i wept hard. talk about your earned moments!!!

Emma as Dark Swan: posture! clothing! positioning! voice work! dark swan was a revelation i’m still rightfully bitter about, because she was EVERYTHING in those early episodes. the way she caressed snow’s face in first episode of 5a. the faux-innocent with the calculating eyes on the ship with whats-his-name. every interaction with henry where she was trying to be a PERSON. the way she moved! the way she felt more reptilian than human! i wanted to know everything about her!! (then i did and quit the show lol) honestly some of jmo’s best acting to date, i’m forever in awe.

That Still Small Voice: look, this is an episode about a cricket and it remains one of my favorite quality ouat episodes. Archie sells it best as an adult influenced by his past without quite knowing it, and Archie and Henry make for a really engaging dynamic in here. There is nothing about Archie’s professional behavior that doesn’t make me want to scream but this remains a very, very good episode.

Emma in Sympathy for the De Vil/Lily: okay this is cheating a little because so much of this is also Regina but!! Emma individually shines in this narrative and throughout 4b. From the moment she finds out about what her parents had done, you can watch it slowly draining a part of her?? yes her eyes got redder but there was also this kind of apathy about EVERYTHING. And tbh the Cruella episode is pretty awesome on its own (I love the slow revelation that Cru is the villain, what a stellar execution of a fave trope) but WHEN EMMA KILLS HER. In the exact moment that Cruella says ‘heroes don’t kill’. that’s what pushes emma over the edge!! and then emma ready to kill again the next episode because she feels like she’s sliding into an abyss, i couldn’t BREATHE. emma is incredible when the narrative lets her be angry, and i wanted So Much More. Speaking of which, Emma getting angrier and angrier and almost losing it in The Snow Queen was more of that anger!! i am HUNGRY for it.

Regina and Snow in The Evil Queen: This episode is messy af but damn did my heart skip a beat when a hooded hero saves Regina and tears off her hood and it’s SNOW. This episode does so much of what makes Snow/Regina so fascinating and frustrating, both in the present and the past. Their interactions in the woods moved me! changed me! and Regina had already crossed the point of no return but oh man, oh man, the way they’d almost gotten somewhere for a minute there.

Regina and Henry in Save Henry: A classic, a work of art, and I’ve said so much about it in the past that I’m exhausted just thinking about expressing it all again now. But what a STORY of an evil queen who falls in love with a little boy. What a narrative!! The promo pictures from this episode came out when I was sitting in the hospital for a checkup while I was expecting my daughter, and I was tearing up and the nurses thought it was about the ultrasound. I’M NOT PROUD. This is a love story!!! And it culminates again in A Curious Thing, by the way, which put another ten years on my life, an Epic !

Emma and Henry in New York City Serenade: boy was this a journey, but I was absolutely spellbound omg. This was a love song to a fantasy but it’s a fantasy that never unmakes Emma– she’s afraid of commitment and happiness and everything permanent in her life that isn’t Henry, but she’s still going to take that leap despite herself. It’s a wonderful character study that captures Emma’s essence in a new world, with a new past.

Snow in The Miller’s Daughter: Snow is at her best when the show isn’t painting her with rose-colored glasses and we get to see her darker side, and I don’t think she ever gets quite as dark in the first three seasons as she is when she’s standing there, smiling earnestly at Regina as she tells her that the key to Cora loving Regina is in the poisoned heart she holds. My god. It’s so incredibly cold-blooded and vile, and it’s absolutely the kind of manipulative pragmatism that suits Snow best. I am enthralled and horrified.

Neal and Emma and Henry and Gold in Manhattan: This is one of those really cool scenes where even though I don’t particularly care for half the characters within it, everyone acted the hell out of it and it’s so GOOD. There’s so much tension and you’re holding your breath through the squabbling, and then Henry shows up and you KNOW. You know what’s going to happen and you’re terrified for Emma and it’s so visceral, right up until the instant when Neal demands Henry’s age and Henry shouts ELEVEN and my god, my god. What a reveal. What a scene.

There are more!! so many scenes and moments i’ve loved over the years. Emma and young!Lily! Snowing in Snow Falls! Anna of Arendale!! Snow and Emma in Lost Girl!! Ruby in Red Handed! The David/Emma dragon fight in A Land Without Magic! Regina tearing out that heart in The Doctor and meeting Daniel again?? Regina and her father in hell. all of Hat Trick. i think twenty is a good place to stop, but hoo boy, when this show was good, it was GOOD. alas.

#ouat #Anonymous

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