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lurkingshan · 1 year ago

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Japanese BL Starter Pack

It’s been awhile since I dropped a rec list, so I am here today to share one that is very near and dear to my heart—a Japanese bl primer for those who are new to the jbl game. I created this for @neuroticbookworm to help her on her journey when she decided she wanted to start getting into Japanese works. The fandom (on Tumblr and generally) tends to focus primarily on Thai shows because they are the easiest to access for international fans, since Thailand is working its way toward world domination via ql media and wants us all to be able to watch. But there is a lot of great stuff to watch beyond the easy access Thai channels, and Japan is the country where this genre originated, so its shows are important for anyone who considers themselves a bl fan. Japan doesn’t cater nearly as much to the international audience so tracking down the shows sometimes takes some ingenuity and can-do spirit, but that’s part of the fun!

And so, the list! Bookworm is about halfway through it and having a ball, so I figured it was time to stop hoarding it and share it with anyone else who would like to dip their toes into jbl and isn’t quite sure where to start. A few notes:

I am not here to teach you about the deep roots of the jbl genre or give you a primer on yaoi manga. I am by no means an expert and there are other places to find that information. Start here with this great post by @nieves-de-sugui and then maybe wander over to @absolutebl to read up more on the evolution of the genre.

This list is by no means an exhaustive accounting of every important Japanese bl ever made; it is simply a nice sampler platter of the cream of the crop among various styles you will find in jbl. Watching through this whole list will not only expose you to some fantastic shows, but also give you a sense of what makes jbl unique and how the country’s style differs from others, and point you toward the types of jbl you’ll like most (they tend to put shows in pretty specific style and tone lanes and once you find the ones you like there are lots more where that came from).

If you’re coming to this post as a jbl lover and you don’t see your favorite here, I promise it’s not because I don’t love it very much; I simply had to make some choices to get this down to a reasonable shortlist. Feel free to leave extra recs for others to find!

I’m putting these in a loose suggested watch order that will take you through the various jbl lanes in a kind of popcorn style, because I always think it’s good to change it up so you don’t get too stuck in one mode, and it works its way up to most of the extremely Japanese stuff (you will know what that means by the time you finish). But do what’s in your heart and change up the order if you want, friends, I am not the boss of you!

Cherry Magic (Crunchyroll or grey)

gif by @liyazaki

I believe everyone on Tumblr is pretty familiar with this one, which is not a coincidence—this is one of the most accessible jbls. Not in terms of actual access to watch it, mind you (we’ve all jumped through shady internet hoops to watch it) but in terms of its content and style. Cherry Magic is a classic workplace romcom with a magical twist, and it is charming af. It’s a great exemplar of Japan’s light and zippy comedy lane for bl—a lane in which, importantly, the romances stay chaste even when the actual plot is about sex, or lack thereof. My friend @waitmyturtles would kill me if I didn’t make sure you know that Cherry Magic also has a lovely follow up film. And bonus: there is now a Thai remake airing so if you watch the original you can get in on the discussion about the different adaptations between countries. This is pretty easy to find these days in all the usual places, but I strongly recommend watching it here.

Old Fashion Cupcake (Viki)

gif by @liyazaki

Moving on to a slightly more mature workplace romcom. Old Fashion Cupcake, another Tumblr favorite, is an age gap boss-subordinate romance, and it’s both very adult and somehow wholesome af at the same time. Sure, there is a lot of carnal desire going on here, but there is also a lot of wooing via fluffy pancakes. It’s a tight five episodes and a fantastic example of what Japan, with its extreme technical precision in writing, directing, editing, pacing, and acting firing on all cylinders, can do in two hours. There’s not an ounce of flab on this thing and you’ll want to watch it over and over again.

Utsukushii Kare (Viki)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Time to get a little weird! Weird is a key feature of Japanese media, and lots of jbls explore unusual relationship dynamics rooted in complex psychology. This is the first show on the list that will likely feel very Japanese if you’re new around here—my advice is to lean into it and finish the show, even if you get uncomfortable along the way. In Japanese media, discomfort always serves a purpose. This is a high school story with a twisted relationship at its center, and I’m not saying any more than that. Don’t spoil yourself and go watch it! This one also comes with two sequels—one short second season and one movie—that continue from the original story. They are less essential but still excellent.

I Cannot Reach You (Netflix)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Next up, another high school tale, but with a totally different vibe. This show is kind of a revelation in its willingness to tell a story about overwhelming desire—including sexual desire—with young protagonists. It’s rooted in a classic but often misunderstood trope, friends to lovers, and takes the angst of it seriously, giving us a low stakes story that feels extremely high stakes to our leads. It’s also gorgeous and uses a classic Japanese visual style (bokeh) that you’ll be dying to learn more about.

His (Viki)

gif by @gabrielokun

Time for a break from high school, and we’ll sprinkle in a movie for some added flavor. His is a jbl film featuring a second chance romance between a stoic, introverted man who moves to a remote town to start over, and his ex-boyfriend who follows him there unexpectedly, adorable child in tow. Importantly, this movie does not take place in what we often refer to as the “bl bubble” where homophobia doesn’t exist; the leads’ experiences of being gay men in a homophobic society are hugely important to the plot and themes of the story. It’s a beautiful film and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched it. @bengiyo would surely also like me to tell you that this film follows a brief prequel show called His: I Didn’t Mean to Fall in Love about the characters originally meeting in high school; I do not think it’s really necessary to watch it but completists can start there.

The Pornographer series (Gaga)

By now you should be ready to get into some classic Japanese fucked up psychosexual material, right? Right! The Pornographer series is told in five installments in this order:

The Novelist, a six episode miniseries

Mood Indigo, a six episode prequel series

Spring Life, a 15 minute short

Pornographer: Playback, a two hour film

Spring Life Continued, a 15 minute short

Confused by that distribution model? So say we all; sometimes Japan likes to make us work for it to make sure we really appreciate its many gifts to us. The story across these installments is about a very difficult to love protagonist, what makes him the way he is, and the also-unhinged-but-in-a-different-way man who finally gets through to him. It’s an extremely satisfying love story and one of the best character arcs I have ever seen, full stop. For this one, you’ll want to just pull the word problematic out of your pocket and store it in a drawer; nearly everything that happens in this story is problematic and that’s the point. Lean in! All of these installments except for the film are on Gaga, if you get that far hmu and I will supply you with the final puzzle piece.

Our Dining Table (Gaga)

You could probably use a break after those last two, so it’s time to shift over to a heart-tugging twofer: family trauma mixed with the cutest shit you’ve ever seen. ODT is an example of another classic type of Japanese show: the food drama (you will see the GOAT in this category at the end of this list). In Japanese culture, food is love, and the act of preparing food for your loved ones is a common path to romance. You’ll love this story about an isolated office worker who meets a pair of brothers, learns to cook as a way of connecting with them, and begins to heal from his own trauma as a result. The image above is a scan from the manga, which @troubled-mind curates to make extremely cool comparison sets like this one. Many jbls are faithful adaptations of yaoi manga source material, so it’s good to have a bit of familiarity with them.

Minato’s Laundromat (Gaga)

gif by @liyazaki

Japanese media loves to explore taboo, and often manages to do it in a way that is surprisingly light and chaste. This is an age gap romance between a teenager and his adult neighbor that explores internalized homophobia, emotional repression, and falling in love across seemingly impossible social chasms. It’s also a great example of old school yaoi seme-uke dynamics that still show up across the bl genre. Also, take my advice: end your journey with this one with the first season and just pretend season 2 doesn’t exist.

Eternal Yesterday (Viki)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Remember what I said about weird? Time to do that again, but with a heaping dose of grief and pain on top. It’s not a spoiler to tell you this show involves a major character death; a major character death is, in fact, the root of the entire story. This is a magic realist tale of first love turned tragic, and it will hurt and heal you. It is one of my favorite dramas of all time.

Restart After Come Back Home (Gaga)

And now for a break for your poor exhausted brain. This film is basically the jbl version of a Hallmark original movie, about a city boy who goes back home to the country and falls in love with a total sweetheart while working together on a farm. Enjoy it, bestie, you’ve earned it!

Tokyo in April Is… (Gaga)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

You’ve probably noticed by now that emotional repression and failed communication are big themes in Japanese works. This second chance romance has plenty of both, and it’s a great example of a kind of muted emotional style that Japan does so well, where the surface of the story seems almost placid and calm even as deep emotion roils underneath. This one (and Eternal Yesterday above) are part of a special line up of jbls on Japanese channel MBS called Tonku (Drama) Shower. The shows air one after another in the same time slot on Fridays (in Japan, perhaps Thursdays for you depending on where you live) and you truly never know what you’re gonna get, but they’re all interesting. Warnings on this one for sexual assault and trauma.

The End of the World With You (Viki)

Time for sexy and weird again, but even more so! This has to be one of the most unique bls ever made; it goes to some truly divine and strange places, and it feels incredibly queer while doing it. Made by the same screenwriter/director of the Pornographer series with a lot of the same sensibilities, but in a more heightened apocalyptic setting. This one has existential angst, a road trip, a redemption tale, and a variety of interesting side characters in the mix.

What Did You Eat Yesterday? (Gaga)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Congratulations, you’ve reached the end of the list and your reward is watching one of the best bls of all time, and a perfect slice of life food drama to boot. WDYEY now has two seasons (along with a couple specials and a movie that fall in between) because the universe clearly loves us. You can now get it on Gaga for easy access but I’m partial to the versions over at @kinounaniresource for better subs. Wherever you watch, settle in to get cozy with Shiro and Kenji and make sure to always eat before you hit play.

#shan recommends #cherry magic #old fashion cupcake #utsukushii kare #eternal yesterday #our dining table #minato’s laundromat #what did you eat yesterday?#tokyo in april is...#his the movie #the pornographer #japanese bl #jbl starter pack

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creative-frequency · 26 days ago

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33 + Zayne. Pretty please 🥺💕

Smoochies for the patient! Requests are still open 💗

Zayne x Reader: 33. An unexpected kiss

“As your primary care physician I strongly recommend you take the rest of the week off.”

As he speaks, Zayne swivels his office chair to face you, his gaze flicking to your grimace at the x-ray images on the screen.

“But it’s just a strain,” you whine even though you already know it's useless.

Zayne shoots you with a stern look over his glasses. “It won’t heal unless you rest it,” he responds matter-of-factly.

You grumble under your breath and massage the ankle over your knee. It's not even a proper injury. Suffering from a strain because apparently you’ve been running too much is just ridiculous.

“Does the other one hurt too?” Zayne asks with a brow raised in suspicion.

“No!” You let the foot land back on the floor.

Zayne sighs. “Can you promise to be on sick leave tomorrow if I take you home now?”

You glance at the clock on the wall. It’s barely noon and usually Zayne works much later than this.

Watching your head turn with the quizzical expression, a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

“Come on.” Zayne gets up from his office chair, walks up to you, and helps you to stand. He stands much closer than he needs to do so and for a moment your bodies brush together.

“Are you sure you can leave already?” you ask dubiously, still watching the curve of his lips that has formed a definite, gentle smile. “You don’t have to take time off because of me. I’ll manage.”

“Can I not offer to take care of my most dear patient?” Zayne inquires.

You pout and defiantly try to place weight on the strained ankle – and immediately jolt, lurch forward and grab Zayne’s white coat. His arms are around you in a flash, steadying you. Nope, it still hurts like hell. The doctor watches the show with an unamused expression.

“Okay, fine. But only if we order take out,” you relent.

“How good of you to see reason...”

“I just don’t wa– mmh!”

Zayne cuts off your silly arguments with a kiss that has a taste of finality; no more protesting against the doctor’s orders. Your fingers curl around the fabric of his lab coat and for once, you decide it’s probably best to just do as your primary care physician wants.

#zayne x reader #zayne x mc #zayne x you #zayne love and deepspace #lads zayne #zayne #love and deepspace #lads #love and deepspace fanfic #fanfiction #asks #requests

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professorspork · 3 months ago

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friends i am FROTHING AT THE MOUTH over the Nov 1 2008 Wicked boot, Carmen Cusack's penultimate 1NT show with Katie Rose Clarke

it is far and away the best boot I've seen so far in the great chronological watch and just kEPT GETTING BETTER OVER TIME

like. Carmen really gets her teeth into Elphaba and lets her be a bitch when she needs to be

and she and Katie's Galinda are just such fascinating equal-and-opposite autistic4autistic

and Deedee Magno Hall's transition from Nice Nessa to Wicked Nessa is so tangible and legible and good

and Cliffton Hall's Fiyero actually gives thropple for once

and like. it's stellar throughout, and there are so many gay little moments (KATIE KISSES CARMEN'S SHOULDER IN ONE SHORT DAY WTF) but like

after "Wonderful" it just goes. the fuck. OFF.

and by "it" i mostly mean "Katie Rose Clarke"

please forgive me these gifs will not even remotely capture it but my words alone would not do this justice

first of all the REUNION HUG they just CANNOT BEAR TO END so they KEEP FINDING NEW WAYS TO TOUCH

but all good things must end, and when Elphaba and Fiyero leave Glinda is FURIOUS with them and SO HEARTBROKEN

but not as furious as she is with HERSELF. I have never seen an "I'm Not That Girl (Reprise)" that is so dripping with self-hatred and like you stupid bitch of course they left you, you should have known better energy

like PLEASE look at this UNHINGED SHIT katie is doing with her head and neck about "don't wish":

and then after that our big reward is one of the straight-up horniest ALAYM renditions i have EVER seen

and then the catfight

THIS CATFIGHT

gifs cannot capture Carmen's delivery of "wretched little farmgirl" but know it was so perfect I was screaming and clapping

and like. ok. throughout this performance Katie does this Obvious Regret thing where like, Glinda says things aloud and then visibly immediately hears how stupid it sounds and wishes to take it back and there's nothing she can do about it (changing her name to Glinda being the biggest example, but the delivery of "FINE GO, YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER" above is ALSO a great example)

and this fight escalates so quickly because she CANNOT stop making it WORSE

and she KNOWS

but can't QUIT IT

and then Carmen literally STOMPS THE GROUND on "by bubble"

and then delivers "someone like him could actually choose someone like me" in the platonic ideal way that acknowledges thropple, the indictment of Fiyero coming with her when Glinda didn't

and then

Katie ACTUALLY SLAPS HER

SO HARD HER HAT FALLS OFF

AND THEN PLEASE LOOK AT THE SLAP BACK

Katie's "lemme go I almost had her" is FERAL

and afterwards she is still SO MAD that she KICKS THE BROOM

EVEN HER "DO IT" IS MAD, she TURNS HER BACK ON HER

but then

then it's For Good and it starts to dawn on you that it's Carmen's second to last show because she LITERALLY cannot BEAR to look at Katie (who is crying) for most of the song because she knows she'll mcfreaking lose it if she does

but that's fine because when she actually DOES look at her she KISSES HER HAND

I AM DEAD

this boot has ended me. ENDED ME. @theseerasures and I finished watching it and IMMEDIATELY had to go back and watch the highlights again

like I didn't even have TIME to get into this Popular

anyway uh if you're looking for a bootleg that'll really fuckin hit the spot

i STRONGLY RECOMMEND this one

#leah watches wicked #fucking glindas man #gelphie #wicked #glinda and elphaba #katie rose clarke #carmen cusack

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fatuismooches · 10 months ago

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cor monstri.

synopsis: Having been awake from your centuries-long coma for quite a while, you’ve become accustomed to many of Dottore’s segments and their unique personalities, along with their love for you. However, there seems to be a segment that’s rather elusive, and you’re going to get to the bottom of it.

includes: dottore (zeta segment) w/ gn! reader

notes: This is a commissioned work! I strongly recommend reading this, this, and this, in order to get a better grasp on this particular segment, Zeta (a sincere thank you to these anons!) Fragile reader tries their best in order to make a particular gloomy segment smile, the man who feels the failure of being unable to cure them for so long.

Il Dottore was a man of many faces, quite literally.

When you were a student with him at the Akademiya, he always wore one - that perpetually annoyed look that kept everyone else away from him, a perfect fit for him as he didn’t want to be bothered. Though you did see his softer sides eventually, it was nothing compared to what you dealt with now. Ever since you woke up from your coma, you were literally looking at his numerous faces all the time.

From 01’s familiar grumpy face to 02’s wide grins, 04’s severe lack of a smile as well as 18’s relaxed nature, and the exuding confidence from 24. There was also your favorite one, the glowing and giddy face of 10 when the child clung to you. Not to mention, all the other segments of Dottore that were around you. It was a lot to see and get used to… but you grew to love them all dearly, so you eventually gave them names. Real names, instead of numbers.

However, there was one segment that was sort of an outlier. It was strange to single him out, considering how eccentric all of the segments were, but with his odd behavior, it didn’t take long for him to catch your eye. 06, now called Zeta, was his name, and you found yourself struggling to understand him, partially because you barely ever saw him. That was probably one of the strangest things - being asleep for four hundred years made it so that all the other segments longed for your company and touch, stealing you away and hogging your attention whenever they had the chance.

But Zeta, he wasn’t one of the bunch. He didn’t initiate anything but instead watched from afar. You would catch him watching you give a kiss or hug to another segment, before looking away swiftly. You would find him staring at you whenever you laughed or smiled widely, seemingly taking in your expression, before retreating somewhere else. You were confused. Did he not like you or something? Was there a period in Dottore’s life where he didn’t like you anymore?! Alright, you knew that was a dumb question, but still. Zeta never completely ignored you or drove you away, but you wondered why he seemed to be so gloomy and distant around everyone.

Zeta also had a face that was obviously familiar yet unfamiliar to you at the same time. Zeta had that fluffy blue hair you adored, and it was slightly longer than Beta’s hair, but not as long or stylized in the way of the older segments. Sometimes you’d notice it would be unkempt for days, and you’d try to brush it for him, although he initially protested and tried to leave quietly. Still, you made him sit as you weaved the hair brush and your fingers through his locks, which you greatly enjoyed but you weren’t sure if Zeta did as much.

The other segments usually spoke to you, even if it was just small talk when they were busy. But again, Zeta was an odd one. He was always quiet around you. Regardless, whenever you did something sweet for him, no matter how small, he would show some form of gratitude. That was another odd feature of his, the other segments weren’t nearly as openly kind. Of course, they could say those nice words when it was something big, but Zeta seemed to make it a point. Was he really grateful for such tiny acts? You weren’t sure.

Zeta had those gorgeous red eyes that you loved to peer into, but his eyes seemed different from the other segments, and Prime Dottore himself. The others donned a familiar glint that you loved to see, proof of their ambitions and goals and research regardless of what others thought. Zeta’s eyes, however, seemed rather empty and dull to you. Still beautiful of course, but still. And while Delta had a permanently stern expression, Zeta was also quite serious, but he just seemed… somber, in a way. He never smiled. You wondered why. You think he’d look even prettier with a smile, just like how your other lovers do.

Asking your beloved, Prime Dottore himself, didn’t give you much answers. You should have expected that, but it was still disappointing.

“Dottore, all the segments are from past stages of your life, right?”

“Indeed.”

“Like how Alpha is from when you were a student and Omega is you from not too long ago…”

“That is correct.”

“So what stage of life is Zeta from?” Your question makes your lover pause for a mere moment, before moving his pen again like nothing happened.

“It was when you were still in your coma,” was his simple response, much to your dismay.

“Okay…? Almost all of your segments are from when I was sleeping! I mean, is there anything… specific that happened during that time? Anything particular?” You pressed, hoping to see why Zeta would be so drastically different from his other segments.

“No, I simply attended to you and my Fatui duties as usual.” You had to stop yourself from groaning at the obvious lie. There had to be something that had happened to make Zeta so stony-faced and subdued, compared to Prime’s outward and self-assured nature. And despite the complications your illness brought, your determination remained and that only meant one thing.

You were going to understand and love Zeta, no matter how much work it took.

—

Even though you knew where Zeta’s office and room were, whenever you went to find him, he was nowhere to be seen. You don’t know how he manages to be so slippery, but luckily you have a plan. Because no one can be more persistent than you when it comes to pursuing Dottore! You knew that periodically each of the segments reported to Prime whatever they were researching, and that even included Zeta, who seemed to never have much to do with him or have any agents under his command either. (Did he work completely alone? You knew all the segments liked to work by themselves, but they still had agents that worked under them for menial tasks. Zeta didn’t seem to speak to anyone else though.) Regardless, you were just going to lurk near your lover’s office and wait until Zeta finally popped up.

Thankfully, your experiment was a success.

When Zeta exited Prime’s office, you were right there, patiently waiting for him. His normal monotone expression was mildly surprised, probably not expecting you to be right there. Before the segment could speak, you leaned closer, your eyes staring directly into his, which had a permanent darkness underneath.

“Zeta! Hi! Hello! How are you?” Your words came out a bit awkward because of how long you’ve waited for this moment, but you didn’t think it was much of a problem. A few moments passed, as he took in your form, the one that was alive and breathing right in front of him instead of the one that never responded to him. You tried to ignore his intense stare before you got flustered. Just what could he be thinking about? You felt you understood Dottore and all the others well, but Zeta… well, he was a mystery that you’d crack. Hopefully.

“... I am fine. And you?” He had already begun walking but had trouble doing so as you were practically circling him excitedly. The sight made his chest oddly warm, but his usual expression remained, giving away nothing to his true feelings.

“I’m good too! Besides all the other stuff of course,” you didn’t see how his face tightened at the indirect mention of your illness, “But anyway, I have a problem. A very serious problem that only you can help me with,” you declared.

“And that is?” Zeta watched as your cheerful demeanor turned more serious.

“You’re the only segment I’ve barely spent any time with. That makes me quite sad. I want to get to know you some more, Zeta,” you said simply, having no interest in beating around the bush. “I know we haven’t spoken a lot but… I would like to change that. I mean, I know you probably don’t like to speak to people but…” You fiddled with your sleeve a bit nervously now, “But I would still like to try. I like you a lot, you know?” Zeta looked at you as you spoke, noticing every small detail that crossed your face, your eyes that blinked shyly as you bit your lip. Every movement of yours was mesmerizing for the man who once constantly stared at your unmoving face.

“So… what do you say, Zeta?” Ah, that’s right. You were waiting for an answer, now bearing a hopeful look. He should decline, the segment thinks. He’s satisfied with watching you go about your day.

“If that’s truly what you want, then I suppose nothing I say will be able to deter you,” the opposite comes out of his mouth, a feeling that’s buried deep within him, one that can’t help but come out when you’re near. Before he can speak again, to say that being with him probably won’t be the experience you’re looking for, you joyfully celebrate by wrapping your arms around the segment. You fight the urge to kiss him on the cheek.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise it won’t be boring!” Your warmth envelopes Zeta’s body, an unfamiliar sensation that has him frozen. So this is the sweetness that Prime and the other segments indulge in every day? And yet in his mind and body, your coldness from long ago still permeates him. From when you weren’t even able to respond to his words. Before you can notice something is wrong, he tentatively places his hand on your back, making sure his fingers do not twitch from how starved he is for you.

And then your days with Zeta officially began.

—

Rather quickly into your attempt to understand Zeta, the most important thing for you was to get to know him. Talk with him. Figure him out. You found that this task was difficult yet simple at the same thing. Zeta answered your question concisely as you expected him to, but… that was it. He was to the point and nothing else, not the conversationalist like his other segments. It left you with a lot of gaps to fill. Especially since you had no exact idea of what era of Dottore’s life he was from.

But still, you enjoyed your time with Zeta.

You learned that his area of research was medicine, creating and modifying new types for the Fatui’s use. But more importantly, he helped to create medicine for you. You didn’t expect that - you thought only Prime would do such a thing, but Zeta was incredibly skilled. You learned that he did indeed work with no one else at all, having “no interest in dealing with them,” according to the segment.

You also learned that he was immensely attentive toward you, especially when your illness seemed to affect you the most. His eyes followed you when you thought he wasn’t paying attention, examining your body language and expression. If you were dizzy, he’d force you to sit down. If you looked to be more tired than usual, he’d make you go to sleep. The most you had heard him speak so fluently without stopping was when you had the “audacity” to still visit him while you were running a slight fever.

Well, perhaps you should have expected that considering the others would react in a similar way, but you felt as though he was especially serious about it. While the other segments could entertain your excuses to an extent, he wouldn’t. It made you wonder if his stronger feelings had someone to do with his personality. You felt bad for worrying him… perhaps you should try to cheer him up. Actually, making him smile too. Yes, that would do nicely. But how? You weren’t sure if the tricks (more like a bombardment of affection) would work on Zeta. Still, there was no harm in trying.

I. plan a - attack with affection!

“Zeta~ whatcha doing?” You had come up from behind him as he sat in his chair, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Zeta instantly takes note of your warm breath on his neck, the rise and fall of your chest, but ignores his longing for more.

“Reviewing the effects of the medicine on the others,” he replied, neglecting to mention who exactly was being tested on. You sighed, enjoying the fluff of his hair, but slightly disappointed at how he didn’t seem to be fazed whenever you touched him.

“Don’t you think you should take a little break? You’re always working,” you advised as you kissed the stoic man on the cheek. Pretty much all of the segments were constantly working or engrossed with their research, but many found some time to slack off with you, even for a few minutes. Well, it was more like you forced them to do so, but that was beside the point.

“I do not have time to spare with such things,” is Zeta’s immediate answer. All this annoying Fatui work he has to do takes up so much of his time when he should be focusing on helping to cure you. It’s extremely irritating for the segment, but of course, you don’t know that. You whine a bit, nipping his cheek to get him to reconsider, but the consistent somber look remains.

“At least let me keep you company,” you said. Before he could protest or accept, you had already pulled his chair out to make yourself comfortable on his lap. This technique always worked, tested multiple times by you. You had to fluster him at least a little bit! His deep red eyes bore into yours before he sighed.

“If that is what you would like,” he said as he continued to work on analyzing the records in front of him. You were content with lying against him, head braced against his shoulders. At some point, you noticed his hand now rested on your thigh and then moved up your body, which you delighted in.

“You are very warm,” Zeta finally commented after a while of silence.

“Me? Warm?” You were a bit surprised because you were used to being told that you were pretty cold, mostly due to your illness, but Zeta didn’t seem to think so, considering how his arm was snaked around you firmly.

“Yes. Quite warm.” At least compared to all those centuries ago, Zeta thought. You looked at him curiously.

“Do you like it?”

“I do. It helps with focusing.” You almost giggled at that. Here you were trying to distract him, but he said you were helping him focus.

“Then let me warm you up some more,” you whispered, hands slithering up to his shoulders as you pressed your lips against his neck, leaving long kisses down to his collarbone. You then kissed his cheek, trying to gauge his reaction. Still, he wasn’t even blushing, as composed as always… well, a lot of the other segments were like this too, but you hoped you’d be able to see a similar expression as when you teased Alpha.

“Come on Zeta, don’t I deserve some kisses too?” You teased, as your lips got dangerously close to his, nearly brushing each other. You felt him stiffen up at how close you were, his eyes struggling to stay focused on his papers.

“Is it ever possible for you to show restraint?” You smiled at the snarkiness - even though Zeta was more a lot subdued than the others, you still could be a victim of his sarcasm.

“Of course I can. Just not when it comes to you. You’re just too cute,” you said before locking your lips with his, finally indulging in such pleasure. At first, Zeta’s lack of response made you worry that he didn’t want it, but soon enough he kissed you back. It was gentle at first, a bit unnoticeable, but after a few moments, he kissed back harder, catching you off guard. You pulled away, trying to regain your breath, but he then kissed you again, not letting you escape from his grasp. The kiss was greedy, and the way his fingers dug into your arms was as if he felt you would slip away if he didn’t hold onto you hard enough. Of course, you welcomed the feeling along with your beating heart, although you were speechless by the end of it, only staring at the segment with your mouth slightly ajar. Zeta had an amused glint, a refreshing look from his normally empty gaze.

“Why so surprised? Is this not what you asked for?”

“I- Well, yes, it was. And I am not disappointed,” you quickly replied, hoping to seem not too bothered by that sudden assault. Looks like he flustered you instead of you flustering him… but you know what? It was still a win!

“You know what this means, Zeta?” You looked at you silently, beckoning you to continue.

“Mission accomplished! I got you to take a little break, didn’t I?” You giggled at the success of your little plan, while Zeta’s eyes softened a tiny bit, the bags under his eyes looking a little less dark.

“... I guess you did.”

Plan A resulted in a semi-success and failure, but you think you’re a step closer to seeing a smile on Zeta’s face.

II. plan b - gift him something nice!

Gifts were always a good way to make someone smile. How could one not smile, after seeing someone else go out of their way to get something that was thoughtful? No one, that’s right, well, except for Dottore. Some of his segments, to be more specific. You remember quite well when you used to gift Dottore things in the Akademiya, he would always be suspicious of your ulterior motives. Thankfully, he’s changed now, because it would be difficult to have your partner of four hundred years wary of your intentions.

However, you were unaware of what kind of gifts Zeta would like. All the segments had their own preferences that you took into consideration, but you had only gotten to know Zeta recently, so you weren’t sure what he’d like yet. Should you cook for him? You could, but you had already given him a lot of tasty treats. You wanted to get something better for him. In the end, you simply decided to ask him.

“Zeta, what do you like?” You questioned, as you idly observed what he was writing. You think it was something about selling stuff to another Harbinger.

“What do I like?” He repeated. It was an odd question because he thought you’d know such things by now, but he still humored you. “Successful experiments, for one.” You giggled.

“I know that. I mean… if you had to receive something right now, what would it be? A gift, you could say. I could even make something for you!”

“A gift? That’s right, you used to be quite skilled with your hands,” Zeta reminisced about your past creations from when you were a student, more to himself rather than you from his expression, as he ran his longer fingers over the palm of your hands absentmindedly. A good pen that didn’t break would be nice, but he knew that was probably impossible.

“I do not require anything at this moment. There is no need to bother with it.” You hung your head in disappointment, which you should have expected, but you were unwilling to just give up like that.

For a while, you brainstormed. You thought for ages about what gift would be best for Zeta, and one day it hit you.

A picture frame.

Recently you had become knowledgeable about the “Kamera”, a device that took “pictures”, which were images that were captured permanently. It was fascinating to see yourself reflected back at you like that. Zeta liked to stare at you, his preferred method of communication to be honest. So would it not be a nice gift, a picture of you that he could look at whenever you weren’t around? And you could decorate the picture frame cutely! It was perfect! You were excited.

You didn’t bother asking another segment to take the picture for you, because you knew they’d get jealous if they found out what you were preparing for Zeta. You rather not have to think of over a dozen poses to do for each of them right now. You settled on a simple smile for the picture, placed some stickers along the frame that definitely didn’t match the vibe of Zeta’s office, and then put it there one day for him to come and see. You decided not to say anything, wanting to see his reaction.

As soon as he walked into his office, he immediately noticed you lying down, poorly pretending to be reading, and then his eyes wandered to the new addition on his desk. Zeta sighed at your determination, a trait he did admire about you even if you were annoying about it sometimes. Taking a seat, he then looked at the gift you had presented him with. The picture of you glowed back at him, a pretty smile that belonged on your face. It reminded him of the smiles you had back in the Akademiya. There were also the heart stickers that you plastered along the frame, that was simply so you. [Name].

“It is good. You seem adept with a Kamera, which is not surprising.” Your heart stuttered at the praise.

“It is fun to use. We should take some pictures together! I need to add them to my scrapbook.”

Zeta only hummed in response, his mood unusually better than usual, and glanced at the photo for a few more seconds. He then moved it to a better position and returned to his work. You held back a smile.

Plan B was definitely a success!

III. plan c - make him laugh!

Something that always made you laugh was when Dottore or the segments laughed. You always found it captivating to see how different their laughs were. Segments like Alpha and Delta rarely laughed, and when they did, it was more like a scoff. Omega’s laugh, which was usually when he was amused, whether it was genuine or in a mocking way, always made your heart flutter. Beta’s laugh, where you joined in with his hee-hee-ho-hos. So naturally, you wondered how you would get Zeta to laugh. Yes, you knew that you hadn’t even gotten the segment to smile yet, but maybe getting him to laugh could be a step in that direction.

Should you pull out some of your favorite terrible and corny jokes? Well, that probably wouldn’t be very effective - those jokes only served to make you laugh at the segments’ disgusted and humorless expressions. Especially with a segment like Zeta, you think that for all of the loving looks he gave you, he might give you one that made you want to crawl into a hole.

Maybe he was ticklish? It was worth a try, actually - Zandy always ran away when you tried to tickle him, and when you tried to tickle Dottore back in the Akademiya, you think he nearly broke your arm. It didn’t work on the older segments, but maybe it would on Zeta!

On the day you put your plan into action, you were in the perfect position on his lap, examining the best spots on his body that could possibly be ticklish. His ears and neck, or perhaps you should just go for his sides instead. Your hands curled into his shirt automatically, fingers moving up to his side when Zeta spoke.

“I would prefer if you pulled these tricks on the others rather than me, especially when I’m working.” It took a few moments for you to process his words before you sat upright, trying to defend your innocence.

“Hey! I wasn’t going to do anything!” You said, pulling your hands away, but Zeta looked at you blankly.

“There are times when I cannot figure you out, and there are times when you are a very obvious person. This time is the latter.” You pouted at the half compliment, half insult as you snuggled into his shoulder in embarrassment, but Zeta spoke again.

“However, I recommend going for the neck if you are still insistent,” he said, and you immediately regained your energy as your hands gripped his shoulders, wandering dangerously close to his neck. “Though, I believe using your lips would be more effective,” Zeta added on, and you paused as you thought about what he was implying.

“... You’re just trying to get me to kiss you, aren’t you?”

“I am simply giving the answer you seek.”

“You know, you’re just lucky I like giving you kisses,” you mumbled, before giving in to his request. Well, that backfired, but this outcome wasn’t at all bad!

Still, it seems like Plan C resulted in a failure…

IV. plan d - try to discover the truth!

You’ve spent a while with Zeta by now, learning quite a bit about his likes and dislikes - how he didn’t have a preference for being kissed, satisfied with your soft lips being anywhere, how he hated being bothered by any other agents even if it was only occasionally. How his favorite places to kiss you were your wrists and chest, along with the hollow of your neck, exactly where your heartbeat was, and how he quickly became agitated if you showed even the slightest sign of discomfort from your illness.

You loved Zeta and all his little quirks.

But you still had little information as to why he was so dour all the time. It hurts your head sometimes, after listening to Beta’s exuberant rants or Omega’s effortless charisma or even Prime’s endless discussion of his latest research, to Zeta’s quietness that came with dull eyes staring at you. Sure, you had gotten him to open up a bit, but it was just too strange for you to let go of. Maybe you could just ask him, but you didn’t want to be rude… but if you wanted to make him smile, you wanted to know why he was so serious yet so down all the time…

The next best solution was to investigate his stuff. Yes, it wasn’t the nicest thing ever, but you needed answers. You had already glimpsed around Zeta’s office a bit, because you liked to help him wherever you could, and you didn’t see anything that could be a clue. So the next best place was his room. Granted, all the segments’ rooms were pretty bland and empty, but it was still worth a shot.

After you woke up from your coma, the segments started leaving their personal rooms unlocked, because you loved to wander into them and take naps on their beds. Even though they hardly visited their own rooms, it was a nice surprise to come back to the sight of you sleeping peacefully, definitely falling asleep to the scent of their shirt. And it wasn’t like anyone else could find the location of their quarters. Therefore, it wasn’t hard to slip into Zeta’s room.

Of course, his room was practically a copy of all the other rooms. Regardless, your eyes swept through the room, landing on the desk with drawers (because for some reason, they still could work in their own rooms.) That would be a good place to look. Taking a seat at the desk, you found nothing but boring reports, talking about some Patient E43 or X12 or whatever, nothing you were interested in.

Pulling open the drawers, some more loose papers were scattered about, none catching your eye, until you came across a notebook stashed toward the back. It was oddly familiar to the one you remember reading from when you first woke up, that you found in Prime’s office. Curiously, you picked it up and began to skim through the writing, taking note of the date that was from around two hundred years ago.

“It has been centuries since I last heard [Name]’s voice. I must keep replaying their annoying laugh and nagging tone in my head before I forget how they sound in this deafening silence.”

“Pierro spoke to me today. He didn’t say anything outright, but I knew what he meant. My research has slowed, but can’t these other idiots can operate without me? I have important matters to attend to.”

The entries went on, and on, and on, all detailing numerous failures and unsuccessful attempts of Dottore’s. Then, you got to the ones where the date got closer to the current time, a couple of decades ago.

“Even though my hands brush their skin every day, I seem to still be unaccustomed to the coldness of their body.”

“Their pulse is always the same. A dreadful, slow, heartbeat, that is nearly nonexistent. I despise it. And yet no matter how many trials I run, it remains the same.”

You continued to flip through the notebook that detailed so much about what he did in your coma, unethical actions that bordered on desperation. Even if he didn’t directly say his feelings, you could feel them flowing through you. Suddenly, Zeta’s nature made complete sense. It was due to the overwhelming failure he felt, even guilt, you’d say. Even you thought it was an uncharacteristic thing for him to feel - you rarely ever saw Prime display guilt unless it was a serious argument. But it was the only explanation, from these entries at least. Your heart suddenly began to hurt. You caused Zeta all this pain, in a way…

“Are you finished?” The voice now made your heart spike with surprise as you slammed the notebook shut, scrambling up from your seat to see none other than the segment, looking at you with an expression that seemed to say he wasn’t really surprised.

Now, this was just the most classic, cliche thing that would happen in one of the romance novels that always made you mad, but now that it was happening to you, you felt immense embarrassment.

“I- um, well,” you sputtered, trying to find an explanation, but there was none. “I’m sorry, Zeta. I’m sorry.” You avoided his gaze while he sighed.

“Go ahead. Ask what you’ve wanted to ask since the beginning.”

“Did you write this?” Your voice was quiet, the sadness layering over it thickly, as you put the notebook back where it was. No need for it anymore when you had Zeta in front of you.

“Yes and no. The more recent writing is from me. The earlier ones are from Prime himself, though I suppose you could consider it me as well since I am him from that stage of life,” he said as he began to walk toward you, until he was standing in front of you, taking note of your downcast look.

“Zeta… all of this, I don’t…” The vast emotion you felt from the writing made your head swing because you never thought Dottore could feel so… strongly, in that kind of way.

“Those fools from above tried to take you away from me… they tested me,” he breathed in your scent, finger tracing along your neck to feel your pulse. You tried to ignore how quickly you were heating up by the close proximity. “But they failed. Of course they did.” The malice in his voice then dissipated as he stepped away, gritting his teeth, and you already missed his warmth.

“But I…” You quickly interrupted him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tightly.

“You did not fail me, Zeta. Don’t say that,” you murmured as you brought his hand closer to your face, nuzzling it to your cheek. “I’m alive and breathing in front of you, aren’t I? That’s proof enough of how hard you worked. You don’t need to worry anymore,” you tried to comfort him.

“It is not enough,” he snapped, leaving you silent, as he then realized he didn’t mean to direct that tone toward you, stroking your cheek as a quiet apology. “I should have been able to wake you up sooner. I should have been able to cure you by now. If I was successful, things wouldn’t be the way they are now.”

Your heart couldn’t help but ache at the segment’s pain. You had no clue that he or Dottore himself felt this guilty when you were sleeping. The only thing you could do was hug Zeta, enveloping him in your arms. It was then you realized that even though you wished you could rid him of his sense of failure and guilt right now, you knew you couldn’t. It was a key characteristic of his at this phase… so you could only promise him something.

“Zeta… I can’t change the past or how you felt back then… but I can promise that my heart will never stop beating for you ever again. My arms will be here when you need them, I’ll talk to you so much you’ll miss the quiet, and I’ll make sure I keep you so warm you’ll overheat. I’ll never keep you waiting ever again,” you said gently but firmly, fingers curling into his shirt, hoping your words would reassure him a little bit. Zeta remained motionless for a few moments, and you worried that you said something wrong, but he then wrapped his arms around you too, holding you tightly.

“I will hold you to that, [Name],” he said, his voice still tinged with his regrets but also held something a bit softer.

“Of course.”

“There will be consequences if you go back on your word.”

“I know.”

“I mean it.”

“Yes, darling. You need not worry again.”

“Hmph…” Despite his gruff words, the way he held you said it all.

Plan D seemed like a failure on the surface, but you think you were pretty successful.

V. plan e - get a smile on that face!

It had been a little while since your numerous encounters with Zeta, and it was from then that you found out how clingy he could be. Nuzzling into your soft body, holding onto you when you said you were leaving, not wanting to relinquish you to the others. Now that you knew what he went through, you easily understood why though. However, you didn’t mention it at all unless you wanted to be ignored.

And now that you had gotten him to speak a bit more, you were blessed with the usual Dottore you knew and loved - more quips and banter filled the room, instead of the once-normal silence. Still, he liked the quiet between you two better, preferring to observe everything about you and take note of every change you went through, no matter how tiny it was. In a way, it made you more embarrassed than when the other segments would fluster you with words.

More importantly, you were able to become a bit more skilled in convincing Zeta to take breaks. You didn’t want him to constantly work on either his Fatui duties or your medicine, even though he was made to do so. So now you had convinced him to take merely a ten-minute break on your bed after he had finished a nightly check-up. It was always interesting to see how his touch would be fluttering and unsure at first, and then become firmer as he continued to take your presence in. And right now, he was taking in how you were fiddling with his fingers and playing with them. A sure sign that you were thinking of something.

“Is something wrong?” The blue-haired man questioned, as he ran his hand through your messy hair. Zeta liked seeing you like this, even if you tried to shoo him away from how disheveled you looked. It was much more preferable than seeing your unsettlingly perfect appearance and unmoving body, even if you kicked him in your sleep sometimes.

You sighed as you then turned on your side to face him, squinting your eyes at him carefully. Out of nowhere, you then moved your hands to the sides of his face, squeezing his cheeks in an effort to pull up his lips. Of course, it was over as quickly as it started as Zeta quickly removed your hands, scowling at you.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He said, not appreciative of the sudden tugging of his face. You only pouted as he held your hands hostage.

“I’ve spent this much time with you, and I still have yet to see you smile…” You buried your face into the soft pillows to lessen your disappointment.

“A smile?” The segment scoffed. “Is that what you were after the whole time? How meaningless.”

“It’s not dumb! It’s very important to me,” you protested. “Please, can I get a smile? A grin? Even an annoying smirk would do!” You pleaded with Zeta, seeing as it was your last resort, considering all your other plans didn’t work. Unfortunately, it looked like it wasn’t going to work on him in the slightest.

“No.”

“With sprinkles and cherries on- mhph!”

“Go to sleep,” he interrupted you as he pressed a finger to your lips, silencing your plea, before getting off the bed, already returning to his work. Sadly, your arms weren’t long enough to drag him back in time.

“Zeta,” you whined, wanting to indulge in his embrace some more although the blankets were already quite warm. “Don’t go so quickly.”

“Your eyes are drooping. The medicine is kicking in, so go to sleep,” his dry response made you grumble, but you knew he was looking out for you in his own way.

“Fine… good night, Zeta. Love you.” The segment had no response other than switching off the lights, and letting you get your rest.

You fell asleep thinking that hopefully, Plan F would finally get him to smile, not aware of the small smile that graced his lips.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #dottore x reader #il dottore x reader #dottore fluff #genshin dottore x reader #genshin dottore #dottore angst #il dottore #genshin il dottore #fatui harbingers x reader #fatui x reader #zandik x reader #genshin impact dottore #dottore genshin #genshin impact x you #fragile reader <3 #divider by cafekitsune

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ariesprincesss · 2 months ago

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Super Random Astro Observations Pt. III

view more astro observations here🔽

Super Random Astro Observations

Super Random Astro Observations Pt II

( i am not an astrologer just a silly girl that knows a lot about astrology🤓)

˚✧ lowkey though in my astrology journey ive learned to lower expectations for how you think something can go even if given the “perfect” synastry aspects or soulmate indicators. any of it honestly. lunar return charts do not work perfectly for every month. sometimes even transits aren’t even really felt strongly. what i’m trying to say is see things as opportunities not finalities.

˚✧ this man i know is a leo rising & i swear he looks like this 🦁

˚✧ progressed moon conjuct jupiter when i had a life altering event!

˚✧ transit 8h Northnode conjucted my chart ruler , trine my natal pluto, transit 8h chiron conjuncted my natal sun sun, transit 1h mercury square natal 4h pluto- When I had another life altering event that essentially changed dynamics within how i relate to others in my family.

˚✧ vertex in 8th house in my lunar return chart when i lost my virginity☠️

˚✧ currently have the sun & moon in my 12th house lunar return chart & am absolutely going through it😭😭😭 edit: also going through a mental breakthrough tho which might have something to do with 1h pluto in that same chart so…🙏

˚✧ transit chiron conjuct my natal sun when i was in just the most terrible mood imaginable…

˚✧ transit venus conjuct my natal jupiter the day i met a romantic partner!!

˚✧ i also had vertex ,chiron ,& north node in my 7h lunar return chart when i met them too!

˚✧ okay but the month i had north node and both saturn & neptune retrograding in my 7th house i could not stop thinking ab my ex & eventually ended up texting him😭

˚✧ this is random but is in my head bc ive been watching bob ross videos lately LOL. but i was wondering why he had so much success and after looking at his chart, i feel like like it could possibly be linked to his libra stellium. he had libra mercury, neptune ,& mars. It definitely feels like he would have an ambition for beauty , making something beautiful, an “eye” for beautiful things , or speaking in a beautiful way.

˚✧ i can also say that with south node currently transiting my 1st house as a virgo rising starting literally yesterday i already feel like this weight of feeling like i have to be perfect and appear as such is fading 100%. big on embracing imperfection….🤔

˚✧ so another instance where i had a partners moon square my mercury (their moon was in my 5h) he was like super lovey with me to the point of love bombing , but it just made me feel kind of smothered/awkward when he would make like grand romantic gestures. (his natal moon was also in 7h🫢)

˚✧ a transformative relationship came to me when the asc dc angles were in my natal 1st/7th houses in my lunar return chart!!

˚✧ i definitely recommend doing “solar return synastry charts” between you and those close to you as i think it provides valuable insight on what events occur between you or others in that year! A chart between me and my best friend showed her jupiter in the 10th house squaring my 12h moon, 6h venus ,& 6h saturn in the src.It showed how she has started to work more hours thus having less time to talk to me everyday or as consistently as possible making me feel kind of like :/ bc i want to talk to my bff!!! This showed up 3 months before my birthday so i def agree with solar return energy showing up early.

˚✧ ive said it before but i will say it again when you meet someone of your rising sign they are essentially mirroring you BADDD. especially if you share placements together.

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twilightcitysky · 2 years ago

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Everything Is Meant (long S2 analysis, part 3)

Part one

Part two

There's SO MUCH excellent meta out there right now, and I'm going to try not to reinvent the wheel too much, but I want to keep going with tying the episodes/ elements up together because on first watch it wasn't entirely clear how everything fit. I also strongly recommend a rewatch, no matter what you felt about the ending... if you need to stop it 10 minutes early, do that, but you pick up so much more the second time around.

So: Maggie and Nina. I spent most of my first watch wondering why we were bothering with them, honestly. Later in the season Nina, and then Maggie and Nina, gave Crowley some insightful advice, but their actual relationship didn't progress despite all the meddling, and the amount of emotional investment BOTH Aziraphale and Crowley had in making them get together was frankly strange.

I started thinking in terms of mirror couples, since that was such a big deal in S1 and that's clearly what they were set up to be, but I made the mistake that all of us made on first watch: that Nina was Crowley and Maggie was Aziraphale. It still wasn't really coming together.

Then I put the psych hat back on and started to think about displacement. Displacement is a defense mechanism, and it consists of satisfying an impulse (usually an unconscious one) with a substitute object. At the beginning of the season, Aziraphale and Crowley aren't really in a good place, and I think on some level they know that. Aziraphale is trying to SHOW Crowley that he wants to take the next step through all the casual touches and phone calls and inviting him in, and feeling frustrated because Crowley doesn't seem to be taking the bait. (I absolutely think that Aziraphale tried to get Crowley to stay with him at the bookshop instead of living in his CAR, and Crowley said no. That's a whole other meta.) Meanwhile, Crowley, I think, is waiting for a Grand Gesture. Where did he go, as soon as Aziraphale brought up trying to get two humans to fall in love? Romantic tropes. Getting caught in the rain under an awning. A dramatic kiss that opens someone's eyes. That's the sort of thing he's always done, right? Big rescues, impassioned pleas on the street, fancy dinners, "give you a lift anywhere you want to go". He's defensive and guarded and unlikely to let someone in unless he's CERTAIN he won't be rejected, and Aziraphale's approaches are just too... quiet. No one's fault, they just don't speak the same language.

Then, they're handed the opportunity to make two humans fall in love, and they're both All In immediately. Look at Crowley's face when he summons the rainstorm. This is HUGE for him. Why? Because of displacement. Look at Aziraphale arranging the ball and being borderline deranged about it. They're both desperate to demonstrate what they think it takes for two people to move past their misunderstandings and fall in love. They can't do it for each other because the stakes are too high, and if either of them shows their cards unequivocally the vulnerability feels life-shattering. They're codependent and terrified of rejection and also, importantly, have no idea what they're doing when it comes to love. "Saw it in a film", Crowley says. Aziraphale's read about it in books. But they have zero practical experience.

Instead of learning to communicate, they try to say what they want to say through the medium of Maggie and Nina, up to and including the questionable moral decision to exert control over people's actions and thoughts during the ball. If I can just make this come out right, they both think, then things between us will be alright too. It HAS to come out right. They're attempting to gain some control over their own lives, over something that feels so overwhelming and shattering they can't look directly at it.

It doesn't come out right. Nina's relationship falls apart, but that doesn't mean she's in love with Maggie. While Crowley's stress-cleaning the bookshop to the music that played when Aziraphale got his books back in 1941 (just fuck me up David Arnold), they come in and tell him so. "I don't understand", says Crowley. Because it should have worked. Why didn't it work?

They tell him, of course. "You need to talk to each other. Say what you're really thinking." But here's the thing about communication: you have to learn it. You need to get the hang of expressing your feelings without blaming your partner, and separating intent from impact, and staying away from getting defensive and lashing out. No one has ever taught Aziraphale and Crowley how to do this. It's like Maggie and Nina put Crowley in front of a loom and asked him to recreate the Bayeux Tapestry. He doesn't have the skills; he's always going to get it wrong, even if he tries his hardest.

And he does try. But that's where Maggie and Nina the mirror couple, rather than Maggie and Nina the displacement relationship or Maggie and Nina the Greek chorus, come in. Aziraphale, as Nina, has just ended an incredibly toxic, invasive relationship with Heaven. A relationship that invaded every facet of his life, isolated him, and prevented him from being close to anyone else. "Rebound mess," Nina says. Aziraphale is a rebound mess. He's transferred the responsibility for his emotional wellness to Crowley. Crowley is the person he calls when he's in trouble, or (and this is key) when he wants to report a clever/ good thing he's done, or when he's bored. (At no point did Crowley reference Aziraphale calling him for a solicitous reason-- another problem.) Crowley is meant to take care of him. He forgets, I think, that Crowley is a person with his own wants and needs, just like Maggie and Nina are people with their own wants and needs who don't appreciate being messed with. (I think things would have been much different had Aziraphale BEEN THERE for Maggie and Nina's talk with Crowley, but he wasn't.)

And Maggie-as-Crowley? Lonely. Behind on rent, at risk of being evicted (it's important to note that Aziraphale saves Maggie from losing her record shop, as he couldn't save Crowley from losing his flat). Pining. Awkward. Revolving around Nina like a planet, to the extent that we don't get much of an impression of her otherwise. They realize, there at the end, that they both need to round themselves out before jumping into a relationship. Aziraphale and Crowley need that too. They need to take time apart and learn to be healthy on their own. Unfortunately they don't have the skills to get to that conclusion in a healthy way, so it all explodes in their faces and everything falls apart.

Aziraphale tries to teach Nina and Maggie to dance as a substitute for communication. Nina and Maggie try to teach Crowley communication as a substitute for the dance they've been doing around each other. That's the reason they're a part of the plot: they exist to demonstrate the way Aziraphale and Crowley might have succeeded in forging a better dynamic. Sadly, the boys' dance is too practiced and they got sucked right back into it.

It's okay, I think, that Nina and Maggie's storyline never really went anywhere. It wasn't supposed to. It's an allegory, not something that needs to stand alone.

#good omens #good omens meta #good omens analysis #good omens season 2 #gos2 #good omens season two #crowley #aziraphale #maggie #nina #defense mechanisms #the psychology of good omens #everything is meant #ineffable husbands

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nyx-umbrakinesis · 7 months ago

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Hi there! This story is a tribute to @redfoxwritesstuff story A Misdemeanor of the Heart. If you have not done so I'd strongly recommend reading it now, this is going to be a bit of a multi chapter series of dreams that slot into the canon placements of Misdemeanor but once Misdemeanor ends I will be making my own little smutty AU world out of it too, so this follows Alastor and You in a kinda blended parallel world if you will.

Cw: smut, non penetrative rutting.

Alastor x Reader.

... A bit of a prelude... This first dream isn't much of a surprise to him, he's had wet dreams before, and he's gotten used to your presence and has even started to feel rather fond of you atp so this won't cause him distress, this is a dream that will start mid smut already.

His dreamscape dropping him right in it but his mindset still controlling the fact that he knows he doesn't want penetrative sex with you due to your marriage so it's a bit of a subconscious desire to see you come undone for him in a way that would be agreeable to him in a very pleasant way.

But also it's a power struggle, he's feeling a bit powerless because he's not used to these sort of emotions and with you trapped with another man it sets him on edge. (this is a bit early but should slot in around chapter 22)

Here's...

Inappropriate Demeanour. Chapter 1. (Wet.)

Alastor's eyes flash with triumph and delight at your actions, a wolfish grin spreading across his face as he feels your warmth enveloping his throbbing cock. He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against him as he begins to move in slow, sensual circles, letting you adjust to the pleasure.

"Mmm, that's my good girl," he purrs, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. "You're learning so quickly. Just let go and enjoy the ride."

Alastor's hands roam your back, kneading and caressing the lush curves of your ass as he grinds against you with increasing urgency. His lips trail kisses along your collarbone, leaving a damp, heated path in their wake.

"You're absolutely right, sweetheart," he murmurs against your skin. "This is more than okay. In fact, it's perfect. We can explore all the ways I can pleasure you without crossing that line... yet."

As he speaks, Alastor's fingers skim down the backs of your thighs. He squeezes and kneads the supple flesh, his cock throbbing eagerly against your slick heat.

"Just keep moving like that," he encourages, his voice a low, sultry growl. "Rub yourself all over my cock. Show me how much you crave my touch."

Alastor groans low in his throat as you continue to grind against him, your slick folds sliding tantalizingly along the length of his cock. His hands roam your body with renewed enthusiasm, exploring every curve and hollow, mapping out the territory he's soon to conquer.

He hisses, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he loses himself in the sensation of your warm, wet heat surrounding him. "You feel incredible. Like you were made for me."

One hand slips between your bodies, his fingers finding your swollen clit. He rubs the sensitive nub in gentle, circular motions, coaxing out more of your sweet juices to lubricate his movements.

"That's it, dear, just like that," Alastor praises, his voice strained with lust. "Ride my cock, let me play with your pretty little clit. Let me watch you fall apart on my fingers."

He increases the pressure, adding a second finger to join the first in a steady, pumping rhythm designed to drive you wild. Alastor's other hand grips your hip, holding you in place as he rubs your clit just right with his fingers, determined to bring you to the brink of ecstasy.

As you continue to grind against him, Alastor's grip on your hips tightens, his fingers digging into your flesh as he loses himself in the intoxicating sensation of your wet heat sliding along his length. He lets out a low, guttural moan, the sound vibrating against your skin as he rolls his hips in time with yours, meeting each thrust with a counter-movement of his own.

"Fuuuck, Love," he groans, his voice strained with pleasure. "You feel incredible... Like heaven in my hands. Keep doing that, just like that..."

Alastor's tongue darts out to lick at the pulse point in your neck, his teeth grazing the delicate skin as he suckles and nips at your flesh. His other hand slides higher, cupping your breasts and squeezing the pliant mounds through the fabric of your clothes one by one.

"Fuck, I love these," he murmurs, his thumbs rubbing circular patterns over your nipples. "So perfect, just begging to be freed. Maybe later, hmm? For now, let's focus on getting you nice and worked up..."

With a wicked grin, Alastor tugs at your nipples, sending jolts of pleasure shooting straight to your core. He increases the tempo of his movements, his cock sliding effortlessly through your dripping folds as he chases his own release.

Alastor's breathing grows more labored, his hips rocking in urgent, insistent thrusts as he chases the edge of climax. He tangles his fingers in your hair, pulling your head back to expose the column of your throat, which he devours with hungry kisses and bites.

His fingers dance across your sensitized skin, leaving trails of electric pleasure in their wake. He sucks and bites at your neck, marking you as his own as his hips piston relentlessly against yours. The friction is divine, his cock sliding through your slick heat with each thrust, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

"Yes, darling, just like that," he groans, his voice a low, guttural rasp. "Ride me, take what you need. You're so fucking sexy like this, all desperate and needy for me."

Alastor's breath comes in ragged gasps as he loses himself in the intoxicating dance of pleasure between your bodies. His fingers work tirelessly at your clit, the pads of his digits expertly stimulating the sensitive bundle of nerves to bring you closer and closer to the edge.

Your entire body is trembling, every nerve ending electrified by the exquisite sensations coursing through you. You can barely think, lost in the haze of pleasure that Alastor's skilled touch evokes. Each grinding thrust of his hips against yours sends waves of ecstasy crashing over you, the friction of his hard length rubbing against your slick folds an endless source of bliss.

You whine and arch your back, pushing your chest further into his palms as he teases your aching nipples. Your inner walls clench around nothing, craving more of that delicious pressure.

The feeling of being so thoroughly touched, is overwhelming, and you find yourself hanging precariously on the knife's edge of orgasm, feeling his thick weeping glans and broad shaft sliding through your folds and bumping your clit and his fingers, making you rut even harder against him, like trying to scratch an itch only his cock can reach.

Alastor's fingers on your clit are relentless, circling and pinching the sensitive nub until sparks of pure bliss shoot through your veins. Every stroke, every tweak, every graze of his teeth on your skin sends you spiraling closer to the precipice. You can feel your release building, coiling tighter and tighter in your belly like a spring ready to snap.

"Please," you beg, voice barely above a whisper, "don't stop..."

You know it's futile, to plead for mercy. Alastor seems intent on driving you mad with pleasure, and you're powerless to resist.

Alastor's fingers continue their relentless assault on your clit, the pad of his thumb pressing down firmly on the sensitive bud as his index finger drags circles around it. He knows exactly how to manipulate your body, using every trick in the book to push you closer and closer to the brink.

His other hand grips your hip firmly, anchoring you in place as he grinds his cock against your aching sex with increased fervor. The thick head of his member nudges against your entrance with each pass, the pressure and friction driving you wild with need.

"Look at you," Alastor pants, his voice heavy with lust. "So responsive, so perfect. You were made for this, for me. I can tell by the way you're shaking, the way you're begging for more."

He leans in, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispers, "You're going to come for me, aren't you? Right here, right now, all over my cock. I can feel it, the way your pussy is so needy, desperate for my thickness."

Alastor's words send a shiver down your spine, the promise of impending release fueling the fire burning within you. He increases the speed and intensity of his ministrations, his fingers flying over your clit in a dizzying blur as he drives you closer to the edge.

"You're so close."

Alastor's grip on your hips tightens, his fingers digging into your flesh as he senses your approaching climax. A triumphant growl rumbles in his chest as he redoubles his efforts, his cock sliding against your slick folds with increased vigor, seeking to draw out every last drop of pleasure from your trembling form.

"That's it, sweetheart, let go, he commands, his voice a husky growl. Cum for me, soak my cock with your sweet juices. I want to feel you lose control."

His words are a potent aphrodisiac, pushing you closer to the brink with each spoken syllable. Alastor's cock throbs in time with your racing heart, the head swelling and leaking pre-cum with every plunge into your heat. The sensation is overwhelming, a delicious friction that threatens to consume you entirely.

His fingers continue their relentless assault on your clit, pinching and rolling the sensitive bud with merciless precision. Alastor's tongue laps at your neck, tasting the salt of your skin and blood as he marks you with his own brand of possession, his teeth piercing you just so.

As if sensing your imminent climax, Alastor adjusts his angle, grinding his pelvis against your clit with each thrust. The added stimulation proves to be the final straw, and with a keening cry, you shatter into a million pieces, your orgasm ripping through you like a tidal wave.

Your inner walls clench and spasm around nothing, desperate for the fulfillment only his cock can provide. At the same moment, his own climax crashes over him, his thick seed erupting from his pulsing member in hot, sticky jets.

The intense pleasure becomes too much to bear, your body tensing and then releasing in a violent convulsion as you come undone. Your vision whites out, overwhelmed by the sheer force of your climax. You throw you head back, mouth open in an erotic cry of his name as ecstasy rips through you.

A torrent of fluid gushes forth from your core, shooting onto Alastor's pelvis and cock. Your cunt spasms wildly, contracting and releasing in rapid succession as your squirt, your hole twitching, the force of your orgasm propelling the streams of clear liquid coating his skin to soak the front of his pants. The sensation is both mortifying and exhilarating, your body seemingly beyond your own control as it writhes and bucks against his.

Alastor's growl of completion echoes through the room, mingling with your own keening cries of ecstasy as the two of you ride out the aftershocks of your shared release. His cock throbs against your slick folds, milking every last tremor of pleasure from your quivering body as he pours his essence over the folds of your sex, your dress an utter mess.

As the waves of your intense orgasm begin to ebb, Alastor holds you close, his strong arms wrapped protectively around your shaking form. He presses tender kisses to your sweaty brow, the bridge of your nose, and your parted lips, savoring the taste of your pleasure on his tongue.

"Beautiful," he murmurs, his voice a husky whisper filled with awe and reverence. "Absolutely stunning. You took that so well, dear. I knew you'd be incredible, but wow..."

Alastor's hands roam your back, stroking and soothing the trembling muscles as he helps you catch your breath. His cock, still semi-erect, pulses against your thigh, a reminder of the passion that just consumed you both.

"You're amazing," he repeats, punctuating each word with a gentle squeeze of your curves. "So responsive, so open to pleasure. I could get used to this, to watching you fall apart for me again and again."

He chuckles low in his throat, the sound rich with satisfaction.

He holds you close, his arms wrapped around your waist as he nuzzles into the crook of your neck, savoring the taste of your skin and the scent of your arousal that clings to him.

"That was incredible," he murmurs, his voice a low, husky rasp. "You came so beautifully for me, darling. Look at all that lovely cream you squirted everywhere."

Alastor's fingers lazily trace the rivulets of your release that coat his abdomen, smearing the clear fluid across his skin. He chuckles, a sound rich with satisfaction and dark amusement.

"And I thought you were going to be such a shy little thing," he teases, his lips brushing against your earlobe. "But it turns out you're quite the naughty girl, squirting all over my lap like that."

Despite the embarrassing nature of your involuntary reaction, Alastor's tone is playful rather than mocking. If anything, he seems impressed and even a bit proud of your responsiveness, the way your body surrendered to the pleasure he elicited.

He gazes down at you with a smug, satisfied smirk, his eyes gleaming with a possessive light as he takes in the sight of you - disheveled, flushed, and utterly debauched.

"Well, well, well," he murmurs, his voice a low, husky rasp. "Looks like someone enjoyed themselves."

Alastor's fingers trace the curve of your breast, his touch lingering as he admires the evidence of your passion; the rosy hue of your skin, the slight swell of your chest, the way your nipples still pebble visibly despite the heat of your arousal.

His thumb stroking over the sensitive covered peak. "Such a good girl."

He leans in, capturing your lips in a deep, languid kiss that steals the breath from your lungs. Alastor's tongue delves into your mouth, tangling with yours in a sensual dance that leaves you weak-kneed and yearning for more.

As the surges of euphoria fade, Alastor's hands begin to wander again, his fingers delving beneath your ruined dress working to help you out of it and carrying you to the bathroom to help you clean up, taking delicate care of you that belied how demanding he'd been and helping you get tucked into his bed, his arms around you, you trace his slightly darker skin with your fingertips admiring how the lean muscles flex and shift under them.

He kisses you gently and bids you goodnight.

Alastor wakes with a gasp, his looks around for you in confusion only to realise he's still alone in his cold empty bed, his sheer rage that someone else has you in theirs cannot be quelled, but the wet mess in his pants needs attending to now it seems.

With a sigh he rolls out of bed and drags his feet heavily across the floor to the bathroom, the sun just rising and glowing through the cracks in his curtains as he attends to his mess, aggrieved that you're not there to clean up too...

(Chapter 2)>

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scary-grace · 2 months ago

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one way to live (not recommended) - a shigaraki x f!reader oneshot

Tomura doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about his one and only ex-girlfriend, but winter always brings back the memories a little more strongly. When he runs into you again, ten years after the breakup he instigated, he's not opposed to seeing where things go. After all, he hasn't changed much -- but you have.

This fic is for @deadhands69, who prompted me with #8 from this list: but me I'm not a gamble/you can count on me to split. I went a little into the weeds on this one, so if it's not your speed, please let me know and I'll write you a new one for this prompt (or you can pick another!) I apologize for the wait. Modern AU, no quirks, 4k words, angst.

Tomura wakes up facedown on his keyboard to the sound of ping after ping going off through his speakers. For a second all he can think about is how much his neck hurts, so much that he might actually message Magne for the name of that chiropractor she keeps going on about. Then he remembers what he was doing before he fell asleep and sits up in a hurry. “Fuck!”

He was streaming. He was streaming, with hundreds of people watching, and he fucking fell asleep in the middle of it. Tomura thinks about apologizing for a split second, but given the number of pings still going off as he sits up and blinks sleep out of his eyes, the chat isn’t exactly mad about it. Tomura looks a little closer.

MD_DEVICE self-care livestream whennnnnn

my man’s avatar has been doing the funky chicken for three hours and I can’t look away

f in the chat if you think he looks cute when he’s sleeping

bro go to bed

seriously go to bed

sleeeeeeep

i will pay you to log off and go to bed

whose name were you saying just now

The longer Tomura spends reading through the messages, the worse it gets. Three hours? People were debating whether he looked cute? He doesn’t see a single F in the chat, but somebody’s sent him money to log off and go to bed. Multiple people have sent him money to do that, like he’s an e-girl who has to catch up on her skincare routine or some shit. But as annoying as that is, the last question in the line-up is worse. “I wasn’t saying anybody’s name. I don’t talk in my sleep.”

bold words for a guy who’s been dead to the world for the last few hours

Tomura knows that username. “Dabi, get the fuck off my stream.”

lol no

whose name were you saying again?

Now that Tomura looks, Dabi’s username isn’t the only one he recognizes. He sees Twice’s username, and Dabi’s, and Toga’s. Tomura’s mod is supposed to kick them out if they show up in his streams. Speaking of Tomura’s mod – he pulls up a direct-message and messages Spinner. get rid of them. why didn’t you wake me up?

I tried! What was I supposed to do, come over to your house? Spinner must be multitasking, because Dabi’s, Toga’s, and Twice’s usernames vanish in quick succession. People were still watching. I figured it was a bit.

Tomura catches a glimpse of himself in the corner of his screen. His eyes are bloodshot, he’s almost definitely been drooling, and there are keyboard imprints on one side of his face. What the fuck kind of bit could he possibly have been running? Whatever. It won’t matter as long as he gets out of this fast. He faces the camera again. “Since you all want me to go to sleep so bad –”

sleep

sleeeeep

whose name were you saying

“We’re going to finish this later,” Tomura growls, fighting the urge to yawn. “Thanks for sticking around for – that – and remember, the enemy’s gate is down.”

He cuts the feed about two seconds after he says his stupid catchphrase, then slumps back in his chair and yanks his headphones off. His head hurts. His mouth tastes like garbage. Spinner sends over the earnings report from the – fucking hell, seven-hour stream, and Tomura sees that he can apparently make as much money drooling on his keyboard as he can actually playing the game. Somehow that makes him feel even more like shit. He looks stupid when he sleeps. Everyone was probably laughing at him. He doesn’t need to go back through the chat log and check.

Messages start popping up on his screen, this time from his groupchat with his friends, all of whom he’s pissed at right now. Toga’s first up. Don’t be mad, Tomura-kun! We only logged on because Spinner said you were sleeping in there.

Don’t throw me under the bus like that! I was just asking you what I should do!

You look like shit. When was the last time you went outside? Dabi sends that, then sends another message, rapid-fire. Were you seriously saying your ex’s name in your sleep?

What? Tomura’s face heats up so fast that it’s a miracle he doesn’t burst into flames. If this had happened five seconds earlier while his video was on, he would have nuked his account. Twice chooses this second to chip in. you can’t pine for a girl you dumped. I’m kidding! Pine away! Pine until you start sprouting cones!

I’m with Dabi, sweetie. You look like shit. Magne sends a heart along with that message, like that makes it any better. I think you need to get some outside time. What do you all call it?

Touching grass, Toga says. Tomura-kun go outside challenge.

Tomura’s not going outside. It’s fucking cold.

That sounds like a you problem, Dabi texts. Get your crusty ass outside or

Or what? Tomura’s pretty sure he’s got nothing.

A new name pops up in the chat. Or I’ll make the party do a side quest before they can break your sleeping curse, Compress says. Tomura swears. Go outside.

Compress is the DM for this round of D&D, and he’s not as much of a hard-ass as Dabi was when he was running it – but Tomura knows damn well that he’s not screwing around. And there’s no way Tomura’s spending another session sitting off to one side under a stupid sleeping curse while everyone else gets to play. if I go get coffee will all of you shut up?

Take a selfie! For proof! Twice insists. If you get coffee you can stay awake while you pine!

Tomura’s not fucking pining. He levers himself up out of his chair and goes looking for his jacket. And his scarf. And his shoes. It takes him so long to find any of them that he starts wondering if his friends don’t have a point about how long it’s been since he left his apartment.

While he searches, his friends keep messaging. I logged on late. Was he really talking in his sleep?

Not really talking. Mumbling. Except the name.

HER name. Toga sends a Star Wars gif for some reason – some old guy saying he hasn’t heard something in a long time. I haven’t thought about her in forever! did we ever find out what happened to her?

Tomura finds his jacket, then his shoes, and glances back at the screen to see the rest of his friends answering in the negative. He closes the message window, powers off the computer, and heads out the door. By the time the elevator hits the lobby, he’s already regretting leaving his apartment. The doors to his apartment building are glass. Even inside the lobby, it’s way too cold.

But he said he’d go outside, and he’d send proof. Tomura steels himself, steps outside, and starts down the street. There’s a coffee shop two blocks away. Maybe he won’t even stick around to buy coffee. He can just go inside, take a selfie, and go home. Tomura checks his phone while he’s waiting for the traffic light to change and sees that his friends are still lighting up the groupchat. It looks like they’re debating whether it’s more embarrassing to say your ex’s name in your sleep or during sex. Most people are saying sex, but Toga’s arguing that saying someone’s name in your sleep is worse. Sex is just sex. If you’re talking about them in your sleep it means they’re on your mind the rest of the time too.

Tomura’s not weighing in on that conversation, but he sort of wants to set the record straight. You aren’t always on his mind. He doesn’t think about you all that much. Sure, the two of you dated for a couple years, but that was at university, almost a decade ago – and Tomura’s the one who ended it. He just thinks about you a little more at this time of year. You always loved the cold, almost as much as Tomura hated it. Just one more thing you didn’t have in common.

That’s not why Tomura broke up with you, though. The two of you were different people, but Tomura would have gotten bored with somebody exactly like him. The important thing was that you understood each other, that you didn’t try to make each other something you weren’t. You never asked Tomura to be anything except who he was. Tomura felt safe with you, like he’d never felt safe with anybody. Safe to have whatever feelings he was having, knowing you’d be there for him no matter what.

You never asked Tomura to be something he wasn’t, but that didn’t matter. Your last year at university, things started to go wrong for you. You needed help, and Tomura couldn’t be who you needed him to be. It wasn’t in his programming to be there for you the way you were there for him, and he didn’t want to stick around and watch your resentment grow with every time he let you down. He’d rather leave first than watch you fall out of love with him. So he did.

He should have known you wouldn’t take the breakup lying down. I never asked you to do anything like that for me, he remembers you saying. I just want you to be here. Is that really so hard for you?

This isn’t some in sickness and in health thing, Tomura said. It’s not that serious.

He saw you flinch, and he knew he’d hurt you. Hurting you made him feel sick. It was serious to me, you said, your voice shaking, and you turned away. My mistake.

It was serious. Too serious for where Tomura was at back then, no matter how much he loved you. He felt like shit afterward, and when he ran it by his friends, they didn’t exactly help. Spinner made it pretty clear he thought Tomura was nuts. Dabi made a point of telling Tomura there’s no way he could do better than you. Twice pitched a fit because you were the only person who’d watch Star Wars with him, and you were never going to talk to any of them ever again.

The only person who sort of got it was Toga. Something about the right person, but the wrong time, and that made sense to Tomura. Maybe if the two of you were older it would have been different. Tomura usually tells himself that, when he thinks about you. It wasn’t on him. It was just bad timing. The fact that he’s never dated anybody since is bad timing, too.

He thinks about you a little more in the winter, but maybe he’s been doing it a little more than usual this winter, because he’s been thinking on and off about looking you up. Not for any real reason, just to see where you’re at. What you’re doing. If you look the way he remembers you, or if you’ve changed so much he can’t recognize you. If any of the dreams you used to talk about ended up coming true.

By the time Tomura gets to the coffee shop, his hands are basically numb, and the coffee shop is jam-packed. He has to get a lot further into the personal space of the person ahead of him in line than he wanted to, but he’s not going to freeze his ass off by standing there with the door open behind him. The person who gets in line behind him apparently didn’t get the memo about the door, and Tomura snaps at them without glancing over his shoulder. “Stay outside until there’s room.”

The door shuts, and Tomura faces front. There are so many people in here that the windows are steaming up, and the air would probably smell like sweat if it didn’t already smell so much like coffee. Tomura’s only consolation is that the baristas look just as done with the whole thing as he is. Hopefully the line will move fast.

It moves pretty fast, fast enough that Tomura’s hands haven’t warmed up by the time he reaches the head of the line. He also hasn’t been checking the menu. It feels stupid to order black coffee for ¥600 when he can make it at home for free. He scans the menu, trying pick something he won’t hate before the person in line behind him decides to murder him for taking too long, and settles on – “A hot chocolate,” the barista repeats. “Really?”

“Is there a problem or something?” Tomura snaps. “It’s on your menu.”

“No problem. What size?”

He’ll be cold on the walk home. Tomura orders the biggest one, and orders it extra-hot so his hands won’t freeze. The price is ridiculous, but Tomura can’t make decent hot chocolate at home. He only knows – or knew – one person who could do that. He reaches into his coat pocket for his wallet. Then his other coat pocket. Then both back pockets of his pants. The barista is drumming his fingers on the counter, and Tomura can hear discontented mumbling from the line behind him. This can’t be happening. He left his apartment specifically to buy coffee. There’s no way he forgot his fucking wallet.

Except that’s exactly what happened, because he can’t find it anywhere. “You can pay with your phone,” the barista says. Right. Tomura yanks his phone out of his pocket, but his hands are still frozen, and he loses his grip. The phone hits the tiles corner-first and a web of cracks spreads across the screen. “Wow –”

Tomura swears and scoops it up. He drops his phone all the time, but the screen doesn’t usually do that. “It still works. Give me a second –”

“No chance. There are other customers waiting –”

“Add a peppermint mocha to that hot chocolate. Same size.” The voice of the customer behind Tomura in line sounds weirdly familiar. “I’ve got both.”

The barista starts typing in the order, and Tomura turns to argue with the person who’s trying to pay for his drink, only for every last thought in his head to evaporate. The person behind him isn’t some stranger who’s trying to move the line ahead. It’s you.

You nudge past him to pay for the order, and you give your name for it, in case there was any doubt in Tomura’s head about who you are. There wasn’t, really. You look like you used to, almost. Your voice sounds almost exactly the same. The gestures Tomura sees as you take out your card to pay, the way you hesitate way too long over the tip screen before giving one that’s too big, are almost familiar. You look like Tomura remembers, except more like yourself. Which is –

“We should probably go this way,” you say, and Tomura snaps out of it. “Right now we’re holding up the line.”

“Yeah.” Tomura follows you to the pickup area. He’s expecting you to say something else, something about how you recognize him, but you don’t say a word. Maybe he’s the one who changed, or else you’re pretending not to recognize him to teach him a lesson. “So, uh – I don’t know if you remember –”

“Tomura? Yeah,” you say, and Tomura’s face heats up so fast that he has to look down at his phone to hide it. “I wasn’t going to say anything, in case it would be awkward. Is your phone okay?”

“It’s fine. The screen’s just fucked up.” Tomura burns a few seconds poking at it, trying to get himself under control. People run into their exes. It happens all the time, probably. People probably run into their ex-girlfriends who they still liked when they broke up with them, who were hot to start with but somehow got hotter in the ten years since the breakup, every goddamn day. “I’m fucked if it doesn’t wake up soon. I have to send the League a selfie to prove I left my house.”

Tomura’s probably said stupider things, in worse situations. He just can’t remember when they were. “You’re still close with the League?” you ask. You sound interested. “That’s really nice. I’m not close with anybody from school.”

It’s Tomura’s fault. Most of your friends were Tomura’s friends first. Somehow he doesn’t think telling you about how he and the League hang out at least once a week and usually more is the right move here. “Have you lived here the whole time?”

“No. I moved away for a while. But I always figured I’d end up back here.” You smile slightly. “Sometimes I think things happen when they’re supposed to.”

Things happen when they’re supposed to – like Tomura running into you, the same day as he got caught napping on a livestream and saying your name in his sleep. Toga’s going to lose her shit when she finds out about this. “So why’d you come back now?”

“A few reasons. Work, mainly,” you say. “Did you move away at all?”

“No. Stayed. Everything’s here.” Tomura keeps trying to revive his phone. If he looks at you, he’s going to stare. “Where’d you go?”

“You don’t have to ask me that,” you say. “I know you hate small talk.”

“If you know that, then you should know I’m only asking because I want to know,” Tomura says. “After we – uh, after. Where did you go?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” you say. “They’ll be done with our drinks way before it’s over. What are you going to do about that selfie if your phone doesn’t wake up in time?”

“Tell them I went but it broke.” Tomura’s already resigning himself to spending the next D&D session stuck under the sleeping curse, but it’s almost worth it – definitely worth it – if he got to run into you. “Look, is there somewhere you have to –”

“I can take a picture of you and text it to you,” you say. “That way you’ll have the evidence on your phone as soon as you get it working again.”

“Do you know my number?” Tomura asks without thinking. You give him a weird look. “What? Are you telling me you didn’t block me?”

“If it’s the same number you had back then, I still have it memorized,” you say. You glance down, searching through the pockets of your winter coat. The coat looks sort of familiar to Tomura. Maybe you had it when the two of you were together. “The League probably won’t buy it unless you’ve got the drink with you, right? So we should wait until it gets here.”

Tomura nods. It’s a great plan, except that he’s not going to be anywhere close to done talking to you by the time the drinks get here. He manages to coax some life into his phone, drops it in his pocket to conceal the evidence, and asks as bluntly as possible. “I just finished up a stream, so I’m free for the rest of the day. If you don’t have anywhere else to be, we should talk.”

You blink. “Why?”

“I want to hear the long story,” Tomura says. You look surprised. “I have stories, too. So we should –”

A barista shouts your name, and you turn to retrieve the drinks before Tomura can finish the sentence. He doesn’t love the interruptions, but it’s loud as hell in here, so he can forgive it. You hand Tomura his drink, then raise yours to your mouth for a sip. You’re holding it in both hands, and that’s when Tomura sees it. That’s the only reason he sees it. You’re wearing a ring on your fourth finger. On your left hand.

He can’t keep the shock out of his voice, and he’s damn lucky that he speaks before anything else has time to hit. “You’re married?”

“Engaged. The wedding’s in December.”

It’s January. “It takes that long to get married?”

“If you’re planning a big wedding, then yeah,” you say, and sigh. You shift away from the pickup counter, towards the door, and Tomura follows you, even though the impulse to jump out the coffee shop’s front window and go into witness protection is growing stronger by the second. “His family’s – traditional. If doing things in style makes them happy, it’s not that hard to put up with.”

Tomura thinks it probably is, or else you wouldn’t look that tired when you talk about your wedding. Shouldn’t you be excited talking about your wedding? Or maybe Tomura’s just reading what he wants to read on your face, instead of the truth. That for you, running into Tomura is the same as running into anybody else. That his heart’s the only one that skips a beat when he makes eye contact with you. That you’re fine, that you’re happy. That the four years you spent with Tomura didn’t matter to you at all.

“So,” you say, into what Tomura’s realizing is an awkward silence, “should I take this picture?”

“Uh, yeah.” Tomura’s planning to just stand there, staring into the middle distance and trying not to look like he’s had the wind knocked out of him, but you shift him around so he’s standing with his back to the coffee shop instead. You take one, two, maybe three pictures. “That’s enough. Thanks.”

“I’ll text you,” you say. Your phone vanishes into your coat pocket, along with the hand that’s not holding your drink. “Stay warm, okay?”

You’re leaving. Tomura’s not anywhere close to done talking to you. He doesn’t care that you’re married or engaged or whatever the fuck, he still wants to know – what happened to you, where you went, how you ended up here. He tries to think of something to keep your attention, to make you turn back around and look at him, and realizes with a sick rush of guilt that this must have been how you felt, when he was breaking up with you. Searching for something that would get a response and coming up permanently empty.

He finally finds something, when you’ve almost made it to the door. “Hey. Thanks for – uh, the drink. It was good to see you.”

The old you would have said any time. You’d have said it was good to see Tomura, too, and maybe you’d have slowed down a step, let him catch up. Instead you incline your head. “Goodbye, Tomura,” you say, and then you’re gone.

It’s freezing, but Tomura has to walk. He can’t stay here. He hits the street, then spends too long trying to figure out which direction you went, like an idiot. What is he going to do, chase after you? All his stupid thoughts about looking you up – what did he think was going to happen if he saw you again? Tomura doesn’t know, but it wasn’t this, and it should have been. Why wasn’t it? Whatever it is, he can deal with it at home. Tomura drinks half his hot chocolate, burns his tongue, and sets off into the cold.

By the time he’s slammed the door of his apartment behind him and found his wallet sitting on the kitchen counter, he’s gotten a text from you, with two pictures of himself attached. You must remember what the League is like about proof, because you framed the picture so well that Tomura’s friends won’t be able to accuse him of editing his face into an existing shot. But Tomura can’t send this picture to his friends. He can’t send it to anyone. Anybody who looks at it will see exactly how Tomura feels.

How does he feel, really? He doesn’t know, but he knows he had it backward, all this time. He left you. Ten years ago. He even ghosted you to make it easier – for him or for you, he’s not sure which. He might think of you more in the winter and have been thinking about looking you up and have felt his heart race when he saw you again and say your name in his sleep, but he’s over it. Tomura’s been over it, because he left you.

So why does he feel like you’re leaving him?

part ii ->

#shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x you #shigaraki tomura x reader #shigaraki tomura x you #tomura shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki x you #x reader #reader insert #man door hand hook car door #a bisquared production

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