#i still struggle with self worth a lot as a fat person

[vox-off]

it waters my crops, clears my skin, etc. whathaveyou whenever i see vintage photos of queer couples who are very in love and also fat

[colourstreakgryffin]

Heyyy! May I request headcanons for Carmila CarminexReader who has similar mannerisms to Obanai? (Both live rent free in my head) Have a good day/night!!!

Haha. Awww, that’s cute and I can absolutely see it! I am not sure how it’d go personally but let’s try it out for fun. Shall we! God, I struggled with this so much so I’m sorry if it blows

Carmilla Carmine- Bandy-Bandy

You’re a unique one, that’s for sure. Thats what Carmilla tells herself when her beloved daughters, Clara and Odette, brought you as a brand new potential employee for them. A lonely quiet determined sinner with a connection to all kinds of snakes

Carmilla watches you, at first, to test how good you are at the job her precious daughters gave you and she is pleased with the results. You’re quite good but you’re also kinda isolated and don’t talk to anybody besides your hyper-intelligent ‘scarf-snake’ friend

But then Carmilla’s watching becomes one of interest… you’re interesting, your behaviour is a lot less than what she suspected from a Sinner worker and how antisocial and distance you are is intriguing for anybody, even her

Carmilla does end up approaching you and she gives you a luck h… despite the fact you already have one and whilst you’re kinda blunt and quiet and uninterested, you’re polite and respectful since you know her position and let her accompany you

So, this became routine. Everyday, Carmilla comes over to you during lunch and presents you with a fancy lunch she has made for you and enjoys a lunch break with you. She is more of the talker whilst you listen to her quietly, surprisingly

Carmilla took a while but she’s been relatively open, talking about her beloved daughters, about other Overlords annoying her during meetings, about a number of things about herself. It’s shocking for a strong mature woman like her to even speak on these things with her new employee

It took quite some time but throughout all the sessions Carmilla has befriended and talking to you and having a meal with you privately, you ended up developing quite the fat crush on her to the point you get jealous and agitative towards others being close to her… except Zestial, to a degree

Carmilla doesn’t really notice how protective and aggressive you’ve become to others. She just believes you and her are good friends but you don’t feel that way at all; you love her dearly, so much that she is now basically your everything… even after you feared women heavily due to your awfully tragic past including your primarily female cult of a family

You don’t really eat unless Carmilla is nearby and since Carmilla is a kind graceful yet powerful woman, even as a mighty Overlord, she’ll eat with you since she notices how dependent you are… on her? She suspects it’s something to do with comfort so doesn’t question it too much

Carmilla is your starlight, the sugary yet tough mochi that has truly changed your life from a bland hell of self-deprecation and loathing to something much worth it. Now, you can actually express emotions better and you want to give yourself fully to Carmilla as to express how much you adore her

Carmilla is seemingly oblivious to your intense love for her as she has grown to view you, as she acts, like a surrogate child of hers. She doesn’t notice your affections and favouritism and much more, she just believes you’re a enthusiastic employee of the business that wishes to please it

Carmilla does, in general, appreciate and like you. It’s why she still approaches and tries to bond with you to this day. You’re a mysterious, quiet but fearless and strong and willing to rip people a new one. She respects that and it’s a reason she likes you

“Hello once more, dear friend. It’s been quite the rough day. My girls have had the hardest hours for quite a few years recently. Would you like to hear it?”

[enbycrip]

I keep seeing and hearing things from friends and other folks I hugely respect who work in really *important* professions and areas of life - science, museums, art, education, care and nursing, medicine - beating themselves up as they are fucked around and treated badly. And one of the things I keep hearing is “I’m such a fool, I made a really stupid choice of career, I’m clearly not good enough for this”.

And I need to say this:

Mate, you did *not* make a bad decision re your career.

You made the decision based on your passion and ability for something that is *incredibly important*.

The fact that you did so in fucking end stage capitalism when industries, professions and areas of work we should be investing in heavily are being gutted because capitalism doesn’t value vital things is *not your fault*.

And trust me, as a person who has a pretty severe energy-limiting illness; it’s *not* a moral failure to be burned out. It’s actually a really normal human response to *things being hard* and being overwhelmed by things that are not your fault.

You are accomplishing things, and pretty awesome things at that. But it’s also worth bearing in mind that you actually have worth as a human that isn’t tied to a job or career, or to the art of whatever medium you produce, or in being smiley and upbeat for your mates.

*You matter regardless of what you produce.*

And every time that feels inadequate, or like an excuse, remember how much effort capitalism and capitalist institutions put into convincing you of that, and that these things are *your individual failures* and *not* systemic problems caused by social failures to value what actually matters in the world.

I sit here and tell myself this all the damn time because it was literally the only way to survive in a world that wants me to believe that my life as a disabled person with limited capacities and a lot of need for rest is meaningless, and that that fact is my own fault. I’m getting better at internalising it now, but it means it hurts even damn more when I see wonderful people who are doing important work being beaten up by the same things I was, and to an extent still am.

I also have to tell you; as a disabled person with a *very* limited ability for paid work, or for a huge amount of unpaid work I desperately want to do, it is *really* difficult to hear much more abled people denigrating their achievements that feel far far more than I will very likely ever be able to do.

Please do think about the impact your words have when you broadcast your internal self-loathing out there. There *will* be people you care about dying a little bit more inside every time you denigrate stuff you have achieved that they have been holding as a distant goal.

I am not trying to guilt anyone by saying this; I am saying it because hearing about how my internalised fatphobia and letting out my self-loathing over my relatively thin body was harming fat folk I cared about was one of the things that helped me get a good bit of the way over some crippling body image stuff.

Valuing yourself and what you actually do, are, and contribute is *hard* work, and it’s so worth doing.

It is not “losing your standards” or “becoming complacent” to recognise how much of what you struggle with is systemic and *not* your individual failures. It is realising the amount of work an unequal and abusive system puts in to stop people from resisting it and turning our energies from beating ourselves up in self-hatred to *working for change*.

[pygmi-says-hi]

tips on enemies to lovers? two types the fun enemies to lovers and 'enemies' to lovers where they kill each other

my favorite bitch in town oh i love this.

let's kill this dead

haha like the enemies to lovers get it get it. teehee.

'hate sex' enemies to lovers vs 'fuck that's a knife' enemies to lovers

different vibes, y'all! I covered a lot of this in my romantic tension post here but I am happy to elaborate with specific examples.

For the more intense like i'm-gonna-murder-you enemies to lovers, there has to be a Big Fat Reason. Like, the whole family rivals or best friend's ex kinda deal isn't gonna cut it. I mean there needs to be a huuuggge antagonizing point to validate this hatred.

Pure hatred for another person is insanely layered. There are so many avenues you can take with this - use as many as you can (or that make sense). A common reason for enemies to lovers to feel shallow or boring is when the tension isn't very tense. When you want as shocking and compelling a transformation as this, you really need to work the tension.

Also don't rush it. If you put a lot of effort into the binding tension and frustration and then blow it because you were tired of waiting....like, what are you even doing. THE WAITING DOESN'T HAVE TO BE BORING!! it can be interesting too!!

push and pull. give and take. make a little progress, then step back. more progress, another step back. It's a much more realistic process for two reluctant lovers than pure hatred, one flirtatious conversation and then explosive fucking for ten pages. like, yay you just ended the story ig. woohoo.

think about the process!!

'hate sex' enemies to lovers

what I mean by this is the stakes are comparably low, and it's more of a repressed-feelings-sassy-banter-flirting kind of enemies. not like your head on my wall enemies. still enjoyable! and doesn't always have to be the 'shallow' trope.

The goal I have in mind is to make the readers frustrated. The obstacle is probably easily overcome, but because of the emotional constipation of the characters, they keep getting stuck. The readers should be tearing their hair out, begging for them to make up.

This is a really impactful opportunity for some emotional turmoil. Emotional turmoil is all internal, so it's up to the character to overcome it. If Emma is fighting her attraction for Jesse because she's struggling with her sense of pride and self-worth, that's a frustratingly relatable problem that really draws the readers in.

something like 'oh they want to fuck but they won't because they just keep arguing' is boring as fuck. Saltine Plot. nothing should ever be 'just because.' there needs to be something that ties the characters to the problem.

overall

enemies to lovers is a golden trope for a reason. it examines two very visceral emotions - hate and lust. both of those emotions have a lot of potential that aren't just banter and hate sex. seriously, check out my main post for this, it'll help!

xox

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

If I ask you to gush about size difference Style *cough* big boy Stan and short Kyle *cough* would you?

FUCK YEAH I WILL!!! Lmao how many times have I gushed about size difference style way too many and BY GOD I’ll never stop

My NUMBER ONE reason to be an enthusiast is the Style Carry™️ ugh I love that shit so much especially because angry spicy little Kyle “reluctantly” being picked up by his gentle giant knight in shining armor Stan is just so iconic. Particularly because I will never not find pissed off Kyle hilarious. Stubborn little asshole.

Big boy Stan particularly is dear to me because that boy is a sentimental loser with a canonical hoarding problem and just. Him holding onto old clothes. Staniel that AC/DC shirt from 9th grade is begging for mercy no it does not still fit you. And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again intimidating at first glance characters being absolute softies is PRECIOUS. The definition of looks like he could kill you is a cinnamon roll. That’s my sensitive son Stanathan.

Conversely Kyle being looks like a cinnamon roll could kill you. Just too good. Even PCE Kyles who tend to lean more towards the less outwardly aggressive side, more the logician, they’re still fiercely stubborn and determined and can out argue anyone but his mother and God. Bro packs a hardcore punch and will not hesitate to if it comes to that, and it’s hysterical when he’s fighting someone much bigger than him. People expect Stan to jump in with a “pick on someone your own size” but Stan knows his super best boyfriend.

Also size difference style cuddles. Kyle using Stan as a pillow, casually sitting in his lap, resting his head on those beefy arms, and Stan coming up behind Kyle to drape over him like a dog that thinks they’re still a puppy, kissing the top of his curls, just AAAA. And honestly there’s nothing more iconic than small Kyle scolding big Stan for something and Stan just folding bc a big guy looking so pathetic and sorry is funny as shit bonus because Kyle can’t stay mad at those sad animal eyes.

Worth noting that the handful of times I’ve written Kyle as the taller of the two Stan’s still a big boy. Elf Kyle may be tall and lithe but Knight Stan is still big and built, just slightly shorter. Yes this is primarily because I want the Style Carry™️ to be relatively natural and easy. I’m a Whumpshot wizard of simple pleasures.

Now, I’ve seen chubby Kyle headcanons and read fics where he’s gotten fat. I like that too. Personally, I prefer Kyle on the thin side, because a lot of people who struggle with self worth and acceptance tend to deal with anxiety and trouble eating, and we do see that in Kyle. That feels very Kyle to me idk. I just see him on the short and skinny side in general, which makes his actual personality that much more iconic. Unassuming in appearance, but a powerhouse.

[spoocys-glade-of-dreams]

Rayman Head Canons: Captain Laserhawk Globox Edition Part 2

. Adding onto one of the points made in a previous post: Globox is both an inventor and mechanic. He has built a lot of things around his house to make life easier for him and his adopted kids. He often builds devices, tools, and weapons for Murfy's group and will have them smuggled into Eden for them to use.

. Globox is close to Murfy. He doesn't interact much with Raymona due to the fact he's trying to keep his identity secret from her and Rayman. He knows Raymona will recognize him if he appears in video calls and worries she will tell Rayman. It's one of the main reasons he only uses audio in these calls.

. Globox has no idea how the production of his costumes happened. He had no say in it and will joke about how he deserves payment for them using his image for profit.

. Globox is not only very tall, but he's also very fat. He has a lot of trouble when he's out on the field; Bumping his head against door frames, having to crouch a little when he's in certain rooms, and he is very prone to getting stuck when he has to squeeze through small spaces. Due to this, he struggles with doubts of self worth that he doesn't like to talk about. Sometimes he feels like a burden on the team.

. Globox is the king of dad jokes. Will also joke about himself in ways that will embarrass the kids and give him a laugh.

. Globox is very stubborn about how he raises his kids. He will talk back to people that try to tell him what to do. This has contributed to why most of his neighbors have moved away from his house.

. I took some inspiration for the depiction of Captain Laserhawk version of Globox from Caractacus Potts, the main character in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. He also has some personality traits from Sonic the Hedgehog, as well as the voice claim of Jason Griffith.

. While Game/Main Globox is a mix of his Rayman 2, Arena, and 3 appearances, CLH Globox is more faithful to Origins and Legends. He lacks the fearfulness and timid nature his game counterpart has. Still a very sweet guy with a deep care for others. He is the dad friend of the group.

[uncloseted]

i have been struggling for a while with understanding whether im suffering from disordered eating or not. i eat quite regularly. i know i am skinny and quite petite. but i catch myself just having coffee, or i think "oh we can ride the hunger out" when i do find myself getting hungry. it's not that i don't want to eat- i just can't bring myself to sometimes (idk if i'm making sense). but when i hear stuff about DE (e.g. the new charli xcx song) i find myself relating to it. (pt.1)

(pt.2) i did engage in some AN behaviours as a 14 y/o (glorifying AN, that sort of thing) but now i'm just sort of like.. do i have disordered eating? like i like food, i eat out, i eat quite healthy, but i just don't eat... enough? and i have thoughts about SH at times, but i never actually do it.. where do i fall? i am just so confused, i'd appreciate any perspective you have on this

I think disordered eating is a spectrum, and a lot of people (especially women in developed countries) fall somewhere on that spectrum. For disordered eating to be anorexia, the following criteria has to be met:

Restriction of energy intake (food) relative to requirements, leading to a significant low body weight in the context of the age, sex, developmental trajectory, and physical health (in atypical anorexia, the requirement that the person has a significantly low body weight is dropped, but the restriction of energy intake is the same)

Intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat or persistent behavior that interferes with weight gain.

Disturbed by one’s body weight or shape, self-worth influenced by body weight or shape, or persistent lack of recognition of seriousness of low bodyweight.

If that sounds like you, it may be worth scheduling an appointment with your primary care doctor or a therapist to discuss what you're going through and what your options for normalizing your eating habits might be.

If you find yourself skipping meals or putting off eating but you don't have a fear of gaining weight and the way your body looks doesn't usually impact your mood or day to day life, it may not be an eating disorder, but might still qualify as "disordered eating" (if that makes sense). I would maybe try to intentionally eat when you have those thoughts of "I can ride the hunger out" and see how it makes you feel emotionally.

[drill-teeth]

Some people genuinely can’t figure out the difference between “accusing someone of faking a disability” and “a disabled person pointing out the symptom you described doesn’t match the words you’re using for it”. And it’s really fucking uncomfortable and results in a shit ton of ableist behavior.

I’ve noticed lots and lots of self diagnoses that are extremely under-researched. I’ve noticed a lot of people who don’t fundamentally understand the symptoms and conditions they are saying they have just in general. And I’m not saying they have no symptoms at all. I’m not saying we shouldn’t take people seriously. Our society does way too much disbelieving people (especially already marginalized people) about their health. And I do approach things in good faith and believe people when they tell me they struggle and tell me about their symptoms.

I’m just finding it harder and harder to have discussions with people about when the experience and symptoms they are describing to me doesn’t fit the terms they’re using. And I’m not trying to dismiss or invalidate them at all. Their symptoms and struggle are still worth taking seriously. But the second I say “you should probably do some more research and read more articles by people who have (condition)” they act like I don’t believe them at all. And that’s not true.

And the reason I bring this up is because this inability to have a good faith discussion with other people about the way symptoms impact people has hurt me and other people I know. I’ve talked with people who say they have memory loss who understand it as being forgetful in their daily life (which is still a symptom to take seriously) who are harsh on me for my huge gaps in my long term memory. And it’s genuinely devastating to hear someone say they understand the “memory loss struggle” and then immediately get frustrated with me for not recalling how we met or an event we went to together. And that’s not even the only symptom or condition I have that people have refused to be understanding about while saying they know the experience.

Again I don’t think fake claiming is good. It’s not. Self diagnosing is an important part of treating your own health. Especially when you’re someone doctors already don’t take seriously like a person of color, LGBT+, afab, fat, multiple of those at once, and etc. I just noticed more and more people becoming hostile with me for trying to have a good faith discussion with them about disability in general.

This was a bit less organized than I intended, but I’ll summarize it like this. Disabilities are by definition disabling. They impact the ability to function. And I’m meeting more and more people who don’t seem to fully understand that and are quick to snap on me when I say I can’t remember something or I can’t get up off my bed because the pain is so intense or make fun of me when I don’t understand a tone or a joke. And saying “no this specific symptom is generally more intense or different than how you’re describing it” gets disabled people who want to provide a better understanding of disability harassed out of spaces. ESPECIALLY spaces that are supposed to be “disability friendly” for trying to educate about the experiences people are literally describing to them.

This post is about the harassment of disabled people in “accepting spaces” for trying to educate about conditions and symptoms. Do not derail.

[spaceorphan18]

Why doesn't anyone write au's where either Kurt, Blaine, or both of them are fat? Yes, obviously Chris and Darren are both very slim, but if people are ok taking enough creative liberty to give Kurt cat ears and a tail, make either one of them get pregnant, or write cis!girl au's, then why no fat au's (and fyi, I personally view 'fat' as a word that we should not be afraid of and should be reclaimed by the fat community like queer has been reclaimed by the lgbtq community so in no way am I...

using fat as a slur). I know that might seem like meaningless au because no matter their weight, they're still Kurt and Blaine, but when you're in high school, you're weight can seriously effect the way you view yourself and your self worth, and really does, even though it seriously should not, define who you are. I also think it could be really beautiful to read fic of them being intimate where they don't have these "perfect bodies" that Kurt and Blaine always do in fic...

This was explored a little in Tested with Blaine, but lets be honest, he didn't gain more than a few pounds and he wanted to lose the weight he gained, but what if either of them or both of them were just naturally on the heavier side and didn't actively want to lose the weight and that was just a part of who they are? There's also a lot of pressure among gay men to "measure up" so it would be fascinating to explore both the internal and external conflict, angst, and struggles that could...

be explored in a "fat!au. I seriously hope you don't find this offensive, I really don't mean it to be at all!! I would absolutely LOVE to start a discussion on this though!!!!

I think the short and honest answer to this is that for many people -- these fics are used for escapism and porn, neither of which want to delve into a more difficult topic.  

That doesn’t mean this trope can’t be done! And I mean - if you aren’t finding it - go for it! I mean, we have fics where Kurt has sixteen tentacles or Blaine is a blue alien.  So they can feasibly overweight, too.  

My only issue is that stories about people being fat is that it becomes solely about body image.  If people were writing stories with fat characters and just let them be that - I’m totally cool and onboard.  But I’m just tired of a) body shaming and b) stories where fat people can’t be happy in general.  

*shrugs* 

[monstersliveinthemirror]

//

I want to start journaling again. I haven't touched it since February of this year and I think a large part of me is just scared that all the things I've been holding in are going to come out and overwhelm if I let them. I LIKE journaling, I want to document this important part of my life and memorialize how things are changing and how things are staying the same, but I'm so scared to actually admit what all is going on with me. I don't want to look back and realize I'm still writing about the same shit and nothing ever changes. And frankly, I'm scared to admit to myself how much I still care about things that I should be over by now. Brendan has made me feel so fucking sick about this idea about still having hurt from Alex that I can barely even admit it still hurts. It's been 18 months, it's over it's dead it's done why does it still occupy my brain? And knowing Brendan's disdain for the fact it still does? Makes me feel ever worse about having those feelings. I shouldn't even care what he thinks, he's not my friend, he's not my partner, his opinion shouldn't matter, but I'm letting it impact me and that fucking sucks.

------

I've been thinking a lot about this idea of reintroducing myself. Who am I, anyway? For so many years, I've been trying to be something for other people, but who am I when I set that all to the side?

I know I'm feeling particularly existential because it's my birthday this week. I don't usually feel very mortal, but something about being another year older and still struggling with the same things.

Things I'd like to address this year:

1. The worthiness wound. (When did I first start to believe my only worth comes from giving to other people and being "perfect"? How have I let this schema affect me in relationships (patterns of losing myself in relationships, trying to please the other person all the time) and how do I rebuild my own self worth to believe I am worth loving, even when I am not people pleasing?)

2. The dysphoria/gender identity situation. (What is going on with this body of mine? Will building strength help me feel connected to this body? How can I get past the internalized fat phobia and how much is that playing into all this?)

3. Values, and by extension, Alex. (How did I convince myself to do something I find so horrible? How did I justify that to myself? How do I prevent that from happening again (again, the worthiness wound) and how do I forgive myself for what I have done?)

[captain-kit-adventuress]

I feel like I’ve been jumping on your posts a lot lately, @scientia-rex, so please let me know if that’s annoying, but I felt it was important to talk about this one and to give a first-person perspective as to why, even as a very large fat person, bariatric surgery isn’t something we should be pressuring people to have.

I am the kind of person she describes: fat to the point that I struggle with ADLs, or activities of daily living. Even walking more than a few steps is often difficult and sometimes painful, mostly down to the fact that I can’t fully lift my legs all the way and I shuffle against carpet, which causes a lot of feet problems. I am lucky it’s all superficial for now, but I’m always vigilant about skin integrity issues because as the good doctor so rightly says, it’s the barrier between inside and outside. It’s not something you want compromised because it makes it so much easier to fuck up everything else.

The only thing I can reliably do on my own is eating and drinking. Outside of my home, I am 100% in a wheelchair. And I still refuse to entertain the conversation about bariatric surgery. All of the reasons cited above are my reasons, as well, so I won’t waste anyone’s time by restating them. In addition, though, I have IBS. I’ve had it since I was a child—no Rome criteria for paediatrics back then, unfortunately, and what is now known as Rome I wouldn’t be published until 1994; it was adults-only and of no help to me. There would be no peds criteria until 2006, when I was well out of university. I received my diagnosis a few years after that.

I do not have the luxury of messing around with a digestive system which could, on the very best of days, be called “temperamental.” I don’t think anyone has the luxury of messing around with the most primary method of keeping one’s self alive no matter how well their gut functions. There are so, so, so many neurotransmitters and hormones that go between the brain and the gut (some hormones are actually produced in the gut itself) and their potential disruption can and will make life hell even if the surgery goes well, and that is not anywhere close to guaranteed. Gastric bypass in particular effectively introduces a constant disease state to what is otherwise a healthy, functioning organ. My difficulties are hard and I hate them, but to me, they’re still not hard enough to make mutilating a large portion of my digestive tract a viable, attractive option. Especially when there’s very little guarantee I won’t just regain the weight anyway, and I’ll still have IBS which could get much, much worse as the result.

I personally know two people who’ve had two different types of bariatric surgery: one regained all of the weight and more as the result of gastric sleeve failure (which is common!), and the other has so far kept the weight off but is about three steps away from serious malnutrition.

We don’t understand the long-term consequences of many types of bariatric surgery well enough to be recommending it in the numbers we are, especially to people who really don’t need it.

That doesn’t mean there’s nothing I can do to help myself. I can’t afford regular physical therapy sessions, but I was able to have some after a medical procedure, and they gave me instructions and pictures of how to do the exercises at home to help rebuild muscle losses I’ve sustained from other issues I’ve had. I intend to start small walks once I figure out how to get my socks and shoes on without assistance. Even without those walks, I’ve been noticing some gains which encourages me to think that there’s room to build on that.

When it comes to physical fitness, though, there are no quick fixes, and often with weight, nothing we need to fix in the first place. To me, bariatric surgery is not worth the ample and highly-likely risk of complications, especially when I can take a route that is slower but certainly safer, not even when I might be the kind of person who could conceivably benefit from surgery. Of course, that is a highly personal decision for everyone. But nothing I’ve seen makes me confident it’s the right choice even when my body size is disabling.

It is a far better bet in almost every conceivable metric to strengthen the body to support and accommodate the weight than it is to try to make the weight go away.

Hallo!! I really appreciate your blog and how open and invested you are in wellbeing outside of medical fatphobia and other ways medicine as an institution can suck. It's also great to see a humanized side of working in medicine, so thank you for your openness :) You mentioned recently not prescribing bariatric surgery to patients except in rare, specific cases. If you have time and energy, would you be able to share a little more about what you think about bariatric surgery when those particular conditions aren't present? Also please feel free to ignore this ask if you're not up for it. Hope you have a great day! 🌸🌼🌺

When someone is fat to the point where they can't do daily activities of living like dressing themselves, walking, etc., then bariatric surgery probably has a place.

However, bariatric surgery has risks. Lots of them. To start with, there's the on-the-table risks. These are a lot lower than they used to be--anesthesia in this day and age is incredibly safe. Getting to bariatric surgery is challenging for most patients, as insurance in the US will typically only work with a few centers that have wrap-around teams including the surgeons but also other specialists, especially nutritionists. So lots of patients go to Mexico. I haven't had a single one of my own patients, since I started having my own patients four years ago, get from the phase of thinking about bariatic surgery to actually having it done in the US. I've had three patients go to Mexico and have it done. I will withhold judgment, because I haven't been to those centers, I don't know what those doctors and teams are like, but I do know the overall out of pocket cost for patients is about 5 grand, which is so much cheaper than it is in the US that it doesn't bear comparison.

Just-after-surgery risks include blood clots that can go to the lungs or the heart. There is always a risk of wound infection, which can be devastating. If a prolonged hospital stay is required, pneumonia is a significant risk.

Any time you have intra-abdominal surgery, your body develops scar tissue. Places where scar tissue fuses different structures together are called adhesions. Having a re-operation after that is more risky because of those adhesions. You are also at higher risk for intestinal obstruction, because your intestines can hang up on adhesion and twist so that they cut off their own blood supply. This is a surgical emergency. When bowel dies, it becomes leaky and lets dangerous intestinal bacteria into the otherwise sterile environment of the abdomen. That higher risk of intestinal obstruction never goes away.

People who have had bariatric surgery are also at risk for dumping syndrome. This is a condition where the small intestine becomes overly stimulated immediately after a meal, because the food is not moving smoothly through the stomach into the small intestine on the natural time scale. That stimulation leads to excessive insulin release in comparison to the amount of glucose absorbed, which can means hypoglycemia, which is life-threatening.

Rapid fat loss leads to significant amounts of excess skin. Many people who've had bariatric surgery go on to have skin removal surgery. This is actually a riskier surgery than the bariatric surgery itself, because you are tampering with the barrier between the inside of your body and the world outside it. And if it's done too early, you can end up needing your skin to stretch again, and having stretch marks in addition to the scars.

After bariatric surgery, you are also worse at absorbing good nutrients. You need lifetime monitoring for vitamin levels, including vitamin B12. If you don't have enough vitamin B12, your nerves start to die. This results in pain that starts in the feet, since the neurons running from the spinal cord to the big toes are the longest and therefore most susceptible in the body.

But perhaps the most upsetting aspect of bariatic surgery to me is that it is presented as a definitive solution.

Is it?

Not for 20-25% of people who have bariatic surgery, who struggle with significant weight regain.

So if the most extreme intervention we have--literally surgically altering your gut--isn't enough to make weight loss permanent, how is anything else going to do it?

You can be skinny. For a little while. But attempts to lose large amounts of weight, including surgically, have high failure rates. The 75% success rate for bariatic surgery is significantly higher than for any other method currently widely available, but the risks are also significantly higher. I don't think it's worthwhile for most patients, especially given how many patients are lied to by their doctors about how much their weight is likely contributing to their health problems. Most of my patients focus on their weight rather than activity levels, they beat themselves up about how they're not doing intense enough exercise but don't incorporate lower-impact exercises like swimming or walking, they try to eat less rather than eating a diet more rich in vegetables and fruits and lower in highly processed foods. You can do so much for yourself without ever framing it as being about weight.

And if you've done that--if you're struggling with being so fat that you can't live your life--then sure. Talk to your doctor about a referral for bariatric surgery. But don't be shocked if the results are not what you were told to expect. Don't be surprised when you find that you actively resent the people who suddenly find you tolerable, even desirable, now that you're not so fat. Don't let them sell you bariatic surgery as a no-downside cure-all, because it most emphatically is not.

[nothingtolose-awrites]

Thoughts Together, Thoughts Alone

Somehow in my youth I was convinced there was so much inside of me begging to get out that it could escape through self inflicted surface wounds. 

Even as a child, I felt like there was something thick and rancid flowing in me and that if I bled it out, if I tore apart flesh and picked at scabs it would somehow leave my body and then I would feel okay again.

It worked, or at least I thought it did for a long time. I would hurt and then for a few moments I swore I could see it, a thick ooze from my body, invisible leeches lapping it up and then I could crush them under my toes or like big fat ticks I could crush under my nails just how my parents taught me. 

I used to have this recurring dream I would be in an accident and when people came to find me I would just be filled with bugs, pouring out of my eyes, my nose, my mouth, my ears- a never ending infestation.  

Sometimes, even ten years later I still scratch my skin just a little bit harder, like they’re still waiting under the surface. In all honesty, the ooze never really went away, I just understand now there is no bleeding it out, no broken bones to eradicate the feelings; the only real cure is honest and true healing.

It’s easier said than done.

Despite my lack of medication and limited therapy, I do honestly know I’m in a better place now. And maybe it's more of a skill now, the fact that I just simply had been bad for so long that I got good at it, that I can handle more than what others consider appropriate so now when I do struggle I am self aware enough to recognize the signs of when it’s getting bad, when i'm paranoid, when im delusional or manic or severely depressed. I’m simply prepared to handle it more than I was as a child.

I’d like to think it’s because I honestly am better now. 

I’d really like to think that, but I don’t put my heart into it. There’s only so many times you can let yourself down before it breaks your heart. 

I’m really tired of breaking my own heart.

So I try not to tell others that I’m doing better really. As much for their benefit as mine. I remember sobbing, holding myself and rocking where I sat that I thought I was doing better, that I don’t know where I went wrong or what happened, that I swore I was doing better. 

That’s an easy way to break your own heart, to have expectations for yourself and only realizing you still fall short despite how hard you feel like you’ve worked. 

So to be as non-transparent and confusing as possible, I will say that yes, I am doing better and I am also the same as I have always been.

I feel a little like Schrodinger's cat in that sense, that I may be better or just the same at the same time because who I am is inside a box and something may detonate at any time but there is no way to say for sure how or when or if it ever will.

I try to live my life through kindness. I don’t know what I would do if I wasn’t kind, being kind is my absolution. Even if I believe there is something intrinsically wrong with me ( I always have and worry I always will) at least I try to be kind to others no matter what, even if I am not kind to myself. 

In an honestly roundabout way, it’s selfish I know. The fact that I’m kind to others as a way to say I’m worth keeping alive, that I deserve living despite my flaws only because I actively treat others with kindness. 

But that’s not really the only reason, so I try not to judge myself too hard over it. I really do feel better when I’m kind to others, when I support and am honest and respectful, even if they aren’t always that way to me.

I haven’t decided if its all some personal ploy and extensive manipulation to make people like me somehow. I thought it was for a long time, but honestly that sounds a lot like the delusions I try so hard to get rid of, the ones that eat and pick at my brain.

[cinemaseeker]

Let's Review: Thor Love and Thunder

*THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SOME SALTY LANGUAGE AND SPOILERS FOR THOR: LOVE AND THUNDER*

It has been said, many times by many people, that comic books and comic book movies are our new modern mythology and superheroes are the new gods and goddesses of that mythology. Well, it's very easy to make that case when the heroes of your comic book movie are literally figures from Norse and Greek mythology, such as Thor and Zeus. These gods were indeed the first superheroes, so things come full circle here, an ouroboros of inspiration that sees these classical deities donning capes and, occasionally, saving the day.

But if the opening of this movie teaches us anything, it's that the gods are still as petty and powerful as ever.

We start off Thor: Love and Thunder with, of all people, our main villain Gorr, played with equal parts brooding gloom and sadistic glee by DC defector Christian Bale, as he loses his daughter and begs for help from his god. But his pleas fall on deaf ears, leading Gorr to take up the god-killing Necrosword and become Gorr the God Butcher.

While Gorr is not exactly a top-tier Marvel villain (that title still belongs to Thanos and Killmonger), Gorr is definitely a higher tier Marvel villain that comes close, thanks in large part to this opening. It reminds us that the best villains are those that think that they're doing the right thing; they have a persuasive worldview informed by relatable pains caused by shortcomings of the world around them. They do what they do in order to take back some control and change their circumstances. And although avenging the unjust death of a loved one is not exactly new when it comes to villain or antihero motivations, we can relate to that feeling of being let down by a supposed higher power who not only refuses to help you, but flat-out tells you that your existence is pointless, that there is nothing meaningful beyond this life, and you were a fool for believing that there was in the first place. And yeah, the gods can be pricks sometimes and they do deserve to be punished and wouldn't it be nice to knock them down a peg or two? It's a very appealing notion, one that Gorr is more than happy to take advantage of.

Especially when you look at someone like Thor.

Now don't get me wrong, Thor has changed and grown a lot over the course of his movies and throughout the MCU, but even now he can still be a bit oblivious. Most of the time that's what makes him so lovable but sometimes it can ring hollow when you put him next to characters who are dealing with actual problems, as we will see with his ex-girlfriend Dr. Jane Foster, played by Natalie Portman (who FINALLY gets to have some fun in a Thor movie), and *MAJOR SPOILER COMING UP* her struggles with stage 4 cancer.

Thor's biggest personal obstacle in this movie is his own masculine insecurity, which is fitting for a guy whose sense of self-worth is measured by the size of his biceps (rumor has it that Chris Hemsworth achieved his biggest physique yet for this movie). That struggle takes many forms, ranging from getting back into shape after the events of Avengers: Endgame (because Gods forbid we have a fat Thor, am I right?) to dealing with the return of Jane, who has taken up the mantle of Mighty Thor and has assumed ownership of the reconstructed Mjölnir.

Although it's exciting to see Jane really step up and become a proper hero in her own right, her journey puts a spotlight on Marvel's ever-present problems that they still have with their female characters.

First off, Jane only gets to be powerful because she is a cruel victim of fate, getting this aggressive form of cancer out of nowhere just so she can become Mighty Thor by borrowing the tools and persona of her male counterpart in order to regain her vitality. This basically makes Jane a Smurfette figure despite her obvious strengths and her insistence on being called Mighty Thor, not Lady Thor. But her power and superhero status is achieved by essentially being a direct extension of her ex-boyfriend. Thor gets to be Thor, but Jane has to contend with being Lady Thor. Granted, this is handled fairly well in the movie and none of the characters really express any problems with this. After all, Valkyrie gets to be King of New Asgard and it's a non-issue. Between this, Florence + the Machine's song "King", and the upcoming Viola Davis flick The Woman King, it's nice to see that our mainstream media is actively trying to make the title of King a gender neutral term.

Speaking of Valkyrie, she and Jane are the real heroes here. They're the ones making battle plans and staying on task and holding their own alongside Thor.

I would even argue that Jane has better chemistry with Val than she ever did with Thor, who's too busy whining that his ex-weapon Mjölnir doesn't like him anymore while trying to appease Stormbreaker (which I have to admit is pretty hilarious).

Bottom line: Jane and Val display major BDE, or in this case BHE (Big Hammer Energy) in this movie, and for that they deserve our respect.

However they both still get viciously sidelined, albeit briefly in Jane's case, right before the climax despite proving themselves to be extremely capable warriors several times over. This turn sends the implicit message that, while women can be powerful, it's best that they're not too powerful, lest they overshadow the men.

Just look at what happened to Black Widow (fridged), Scarlet Witch (villainized), and Captain Marvel, who although not victimized in the same way as other female Avengers still earned endless vitriol for essentially being more powerful than the boys. So when it comes to female heroes in the MCU, they can either be all-powerful and lose their humanity (again, see Scarlet Witch) or have some power (but again, not too much power) before ultimately getting sidelined, sacrificed, damseled, disempowered, or killed off.

But with all that said, Jane does get her best character development in this movie and, like I said earlier, she actually gets to have some FUN here. We get to see her actively owning and enjoying her newfound power while adorably trying out different superhero catchphrases. She gets to be strong and weak in equal measure without diminishing her power, thus avoiding the trap of the tired Strong Female Character trope. She gets to be goofy, gets to figure herself out, gets to share that enthusiasm with her comrades, and gets to have an awesome bromance with Valkyrie, cementing a strong female friendship with a fellow female superhero.

She also gets to have a great story arch worthy of any hero. *MAJOR SPOILERS COMING UP* We learn that, although Mjölnir grants Jane better health, strength, and stamina, her body becomes unable to fight off the cancer whenever she's not using the hammer, and it gets worse every time she uses it. During the climax, we see her make the ultimate sacrifice by taking up Mjölnir one last time to deal the final blow against Gorr before succumbing to the cancer and dying in Thor's arms. This death feels like a cog in the Marvel machine, which sees characters come and go based on the availability of their actors. But it was nice to see that in the post-credits scene Jane is greeted by Heimdall and welcomed with open arms into the halls of Valhalla, earning the reward of a true hero. *MAJOR SPOILERS END HERE*

This movie is such a mixed bag of steps forward and steps backward when it comes to feminist representation. The female characters are both central and peripheral here, but overall it's definitely moving in the right direction and I, for one, would like to acknowledge that fact. This movie offers an abundance of hope for the next generation and it's exciting to think of all the girls and women (and others) who'll start cosplaying as Mighty Thor in droves for cons and for Halloween, having been given unspoken permission by this movie to do so.

On another note, I am happy to report that Thor: Love and Thunder has the best queer representation of any Marvel movie yet. To quote Mighty Thor, this movie really brings the rainbow. *SPOILERS COMING UP* We get verbal confirmation that Valkyrie had a girlfriend (albeit one who was unnamed and killed off and doesn't appear onscreen), thus fulfilling the studio's promise to make the character openly bisexual (while still putting out a cut of the film that can be easily censored to appease homophobic countries); plus we see her chivalrously kiss the hand of one of Zeus' handmaidens while making bedroom eyes, so that's something I guess. We learn that Korg has two dads and gets a boyfriend by the end of the movie. We get to meet Heimdall's son Axl, who tells us that he used to be called Astrid, and although it's never confirmed canonically that Axl is trans, he's definitely coded as such. Either way, I was shocked to see Thor deadnaming this kid as a joke, which, I can't believe I have to stress this, is NOT OKAY. Despite this, Axl gets to play an important part in the story, taking up a leadership role amongst the children who are kidnapped by Gorr and getting to fight alongside Thor with them in the final battle. *SPOILERS END HERE*

Marvel movies are at a critical tipping point right now, and if they hope to stay prevalent and relevant, they're going to have to start shaking things up. The Marvel formula is starting to get stale and it'll need to get thrown out and replaced with something fresher very soon, or else we'll going to start consuming something else.

This has never been more obvious than it is in Thor: Love and Thunder. The vibe for Love and Thunder, just like it was in Ragnarok, is bright and outrageous, like those spray-paintings on the sides of vans showing unicorns and sorcerers. But that painting is starting to fade around the edges. That classic brand of Marvel humor is starting to get old (i.e. those goddamn yelling goats) and has been reduced to poking fun at Disney themed parks, as we see in New Asgard (but, to be fair, it's also poking fun at New Zealand aka Middle Earth, which tracks because director Taika Waititi is from New Zealand, so he gets it). It was hilarious to see those Asgardian actors at it again, and now it makes me want to see a spin-off starring them, just so I can see what they do in their downtime outside of work.

At the end of the day, you can still rest assured that this movie will have plenty of love and thunder in equal abundance. It's still a good time, you'll still laugh at the jokes, you'll still enjoy hanging out with some of your favorite characters (we even get to see 2 out of 3 Marvel Chrises when Starlord and the Guardians of the Galaxy briefly show up in the beginning), you'll still enjoy the action scenes, the colors and visuals are still amazing (especially when our heroes get to the Shadow Realm in a sequence that's visually on par with the slo-mo flashback of the Valkyrior battle against Hela in Ragnarok), and you'll still bob your head to the soundtrack, which slaps pretty hard although the one big strike against it is the overwhelming lack of AC/DC's "Thunderstuck"; I mean COME ON people, it's fitting for both the God of Thunder AND all the Aussies in the cast. The last thing I'll say about that is if (i.e. when) they make another Thor movie, it would be really cool if it could find its way onto the soundtrack.

Either way, it's nice to see that Thor can still bring the thunder.

Thanks for reading!

My Rating: 3/5 thunderbolts

[swamp-spirit]

Good times to compliment somebody for losing weight -When they’ve been putting a lot of effort into eating healthy and exercising with the goal of losing weight, especially if they’re struggling with a weight related medical issue.

Bad times to compliment somebody for losing weight -When they’re dealing with health issues that cause vomiting or reduce hunger, such as going through chemo or recovering from the flu. Framing somebody’s medical issues as a health positive because it made them skinny sucks. -When they’re going through an emotional crisis such a depressive episode, end of a long term relationship, or death of a loved on. Grief and depression can make people ‘too sad to eat‘, and this is never a cause for celebration. -When they’re using dangerous exercise and dieting techniques. Intense ‘fasting‘, spending hours in the gym, and vomiting after eating are all forms of self harm and rapid, intense weight loss can be deadly. If your loved one is losing more than ~2 pounds a week, they probably aren’t making ‘healthy‘ choices -Any time you don’t know it *isn’t* one of these. Seriously, unless you’ve been around supporting their new jogging hobby and home cooking, you don’t know if they just lost their mom and can’t make themselves eat. You don’t know if they’re starving themselves because they don’t feel like they ‘deserve‘ food. You don’t know, so find something else to compliment, and, honestly, if it’s dramatic weight loss, ask them how they’re doing. -Yes, even if they were, or are still ‘fat‘. Starving yourself doesn’t become safe or healthy at any weight, and an eating disorder doesn’t need to make you ‘skinny’ to be dangerous -Literally don’t. The risk of your high school bestie being pissed you didn’t compliment their great figure is not worth risking the damage complimenting unhealthy weight loss can do. Literally every person I know who has stopped eating because of an eating disorder, grief, or severe medical incident has received multiple compliments on their weight loss, even if/when they fell well below a safe weight. Don’t make it worse, don’t say you’re jealous, just don’t.

[tswift]

hi so i’m never usually the person to send anon asks especially not to be like…. “arguing” or otherwise stirring up unnecessary drama and certainly not to make anybody feel bad, but i wanted to give some of my perspective on the whole anti hero mv scale issue, if you might let me. i def wanna make it clear that im not looking to be a jerk or say that you or anyone else is wrong or whatever at all. i do respect your perspective on this and i hope that’s clear throughout this!!

anyway i’m not the best person to speak on the issue from this side but ive spent a lot of time today trying to understand why people are taking issue with that part of the mv because admittedly, i definitely don’t feel right about it and ive wanted to get other peoples opinions, esp those who are the most impacted by the video. to me, it seems like people are less trying to call taylor fatphobic or cancel her or whatever, but rather they’re pointing out that the creative decision she made plays into fatphobia. no matter how you look at it, even when we consider her struggles with body image and eds and horrid experiences w the media and fans etc in this sense, it still doesn’t erase the narrative being perpetuated (or i’ll say implied because to be fair, we can’t know exactly what she meant or how she meant it) that being fat is bad, or that it takes away from your worth, etc. i am positive that she never would have put this out there intentionally, knowing that it can potentially be deeply harmful. however, that doesn’t change the fact that there are seemingly a considerable amount of people who were somehow hurt by this portrayal.

i’ve seen plenty of people of all body types with varying opinions here, but personally i do fear that it would be very harmful to just ignore and write off the voices of actual fat people who are saying that they feel hurt, or upset, or angry, or disappointed. even if we happen to disagree, it’s unfair to not even attempt to understand where they’re coming from and empathize with them here.

i’m sorry to bug you with this, but i hope that we can all kinda try to empathize with and understand each other a little more here. i’ve heard a lot from people with this particular viewpoint and i’m totally open to the other side as well :) i hope you’re having a great release day!!

Hi there! I must admit I was tempted to not read this because it's so long and I'm exhausted but you were super polite and thoughtful so I had to answer!

I've also spent a lot of time on twitter today reading various perspectives on her use of the word "fat." And I agree, that the video does reinforce that the word "fat" is something that should be viewed as derogatory.

HOWEVER, this is an extremely personal and vulnerable song that is about her individual experience. I think one of the reasons she really stressed the nature of this song is probably due to the scale scene where the word "fat" is featured.

I do not believe Taylor is making any kind of statement about being fat, or how we should react to the word. She is instead illuminating how the word was weaponized against her, specifically. And that the media played a huge part in her eating disorder and body dysmorphia.

The scene is basically the "bad" version of herself, the version who hates herself enough to let these very public criticisms of her body bleed into her own self-image. If anything, the scene is telling the audience that using the word "fat" in a derogatory way IS harmful and wrong. She could have easily put "flat ass" or "too skinny" and it would have the same effect. It's the very fact that there are people out there commenting on her body enough to either give her an ED or worsen an eating disorder she already had before becoming famous. We also need to consider how much of the spotlight Taylor is in compared to someone like me or you. You may have two or three people comment on your appearance in a negative way, well she has millions commenting and speculating and criticizing. Fatphobia is extremely prevalent and it was much worse even just five years ago.

But all of this does not change the fact that music is art and it's deeply personal. Not always, but this song is EXTREMELY personal. She did not make a song about the daily struggle of human beings, she made a song about her OWN struggles.

I think it would be disingenuous to the song and Taylor's own experience if she erased or altered it because people may watch it and make the song about themselves. This is a very rare time because this song is not really as universal. Like yes we can relate to having anxiety about our appearance and what people think of us/etc, but this song is specific to Taylor. She should not silence or rewrite her own history and trauma. She should not have to deal with people commenting and judging her on how she chooses to heal. Recovery is a long and winding road.

I hope this made sense. As someone who also has an ED, I did not find the use of the word offensive at all. I actually found it comforting to know that someone else out there feels the pressures of society, a society that tells girls too many harmful things and expects them to just accept it as a fact of life. But the bottom line remains: this is not about me or you. It is about her.

[scribbleshanks]

If you’d like could you give some tips on drawing fabric? Or some good places to find references? Yours are so perfect to study because of how much passion is woven into every piece!

haha oh man, thank you so much! ^^

My dude my guy my buddy I understand your desire so bad, and I wish I could give helpful tips on drawing flowy fabric, but my process for understanding it is very difficult for me to explain since it is largely intuitive. That's probably a downside to being self taught, in that explaining the technical side of how you understand some things can be a struggle when you learned it through instinct and feeling (unless that's just me 0.0; ).

I'm happy to share some of the stuff I used to learn and study references from! I will preface this by saying that I still struggle with things like shirts and pants, and I mainly do better with something more freeform like a cloak or a cape. If anything, what's holding me back from sharing tips is my own limitations, haha. That being said, I'm still practicing as well, so let's do our best and practice together!

I will do a more detailed and clear tutorial on this in the future, but for now I hope this can at least provide a tiny bit of guidance:

- Essential Tips for Drawing Drapery and Folds from Art Rocket, or the Clip Studio Paint...website? I'm not sure what it is, but it's very helpful.

- Pinterest! For this I created an account just for references, proceeded to type in "cloak" or "cape" into the search bar, and pinned whatever caught my fancy. Which, looking back at my boards, was a lot 0_0;;

Pinterest is not perfect and can sometimes feature stolen or reposted art/references that don't credit the creator, and it can be intensely difficult looking for the source of a particular image. That being said, it's not a bad way to accrue a load of different references that you do find, and it's nice to have a lot of said references categorized in a specific place for you to go back to whenever you want. There's a looot of fantastic art tutorials on Pinterest that have helped me, but I lament when I can't find the original creator. Be prepared for reposted stuff, but the pins that do link to the original creator of that image can be very useful, because not only have you found a good reference but now you know who made it, and can find more good stuff from them :)

- Side note about Pinterest; they have a lot of fashion related photos and stuff that I personally study fabric from. Draw the model wearing the clothing to see how the fabric creases and lays and drapes against their form; studying that can help you begin to understand the pattern that fabric can take when drawing items of clothing on a body. Don't forget not to stick with one specific article of clothing (cloaks in my case); studying from dresses, shirts, pants, skirts, etc. will provide variety and flexibility for your understanding of fabric folds on the body ^^

- Your own clothes, blankets, forts, etc.! You also have the power of references for fabric folds if you happen to wear clothes! Which! Now that I say that I am really hoping you do! 8D

Haha but in all seriousness, studying yourself and how your clothes look on your body can really really help. (I hope it's worth mentioning that studying how clothing looks on a diverse cast of body types is also extremely important. How does fabric pull, stretch, or loosen around for a thin body, a fat body, a buff body? What happens when someone is wearing something too big for them? Too small? Just right? The possibilities are endless!)

An example below are studies of photos I took of myself pinning a thin blanket with a bobby pin and wrapping it around my body. This really helped me get a better understanding of fabric. it comes with all my personal notes for Krita brushes and everything.

An important note: brush up on your understanding of things like value and shadows! I think an essential part to getting the look of it is knowing that fabric folds come with crevices and valleys that create all sorts of shadows, so be sure to pay close attention to how light hits it and what shapes are formed as a result.

(for context this was for a hornet fanart but i refuse to elaborate due to embarrassment)

- Remember, important things to think about are how gravity affects the fabric, how the body type can affect the behavior of the folds/creases, how the thickness of the material affects the amount of folds, and what sorts of values and shadows are created.

The list can honestly go on, but truth be told, I have a rather limited list of sources (I swear I swear I looked at references and stuff, but realizing now that a lot of what I learned might just have come from Pinterest 0__0;;;; ). The things I mentioned above are probably the major things that I used to study and practice from. Try looking for particular art tutorials from other artists that explain the technical side of drawing fabric (I might have some on my tumblr in my #art references tag? I don't know if I've reblogged anything involving a tutorial on fabric, but you can always check it out in case. Hell I'm going to do that right now). 

I would recommend doing a little bit of a search online specifically from other more experienced artists who share some helpful tips, since I don’t think I can very well ^-^;;. Look up random stock images of people wearing clothes and cloaks and capes; cosplays, costumes, regular casual clothes, etc. Anything can be a reference if it’s something to lay your eyes on! (If you’re going to copy from a reference for studying and decide to post it somewhere later, don’t forget not to claim it as your own and to share the source of the reference you studied from.)

Remember that it takes a lot of learning and practice, and to be kind to yourself. You can do it!!