#i still really dont understand how asking a friend if they feel comfortable helping one with a sensitive and deeply personal matter is

[flamboyant-king]

Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.

I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.

I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.

So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?

[sebscore]

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?

pairings: f1 grid x driver!reader (she/her pronouns)

warnings: angst. angst. angst. swearing. like a lot of swearing. i cannot write crashes/contact for the life of me. argument. lando and reader are assholes in this. 

author's note: dont even ask me why i wrote this, i got inspired and needed it out of my system. lol. 

masterlist

''Retire the car. Too much damage. Sorry, Y/N.'' Marco informed her over the radio, sounding frustrated and apologetic over her already finished race. 

The driver took a deep breath before answering. ''Too bad, it was going well. Thanks, guys.'' 

Her race had in fact been going well. She'd made a great start going from P4 to P2, and had managed to keep up with the Red Bull of Max. They weren't even halfway in the race or Lando tried overtaking her, causing contact, causing her to run off in the gravel with too much trouble on the car to continue. 

In her opinion, it had been reckless. The McLaren driver knew exactly she would end up being forced off the track by the overtake, and that her race would most likely be over because of it. 

As she trudged back to the garage, helmet in hand, she could barely contain her frustration. The team greeted her with sympathetic looks, but she didn't stop to talk to anyone. She headed straight for her driver's room, needing a moment to cool off before she could face the media. 

Her hands trembled with anger as she peeled off her gloves, tossing them onto a nearby chair. The season hadn't been going how she had hoped or even expected it to go. Last year she had been the vice World Champion, the undisputed second-best driver on the grid, the only one to essentially have been able to challenge Max's dominance. Now, she got lucky to even end up in the top five of a race. Her team's design of the car hadn't been meeting the expectations the engineers had set, and upgrades weren't helping in the way they had hoped. 

That is why this race weekend had been a great boost for the team's morale and confidence. Qualifying had gone really well, and for a moment they were able to fight for the win even. But the papaya car of No. 4 had shoved their hopes down the drain. 

Minutes later, there was a knock on the door. She turned to see Marco standing there, looking concerned. ''You okay?'' 

''Have I ever been okay,'' she remarked, a sarcastic chuckle leaving her lips. ''I'm just pissed, that's all. I had high hopes for today.'' 

''We all did,'' he smiled sadly. ''The stewards reviewed the incident, but he, uh, didn't get a penalty.'' He said softly, almost as if he was afraid of her reaction.

The young woman let out a bitter laugh. ''Of course he didn't, why would he?'' Her hands covered her face, briefly wiping off the sweat that had formed. 

Marco took a step closer, his expression a mix of empathy and disappointment. ''You drove brilliantly out there. Everyone saw it. The team saw it. It's just... racing politics sometimes.'' 

She dropped her hands, meeting his eyes with a mixture of anger and resignation. ''It's always like that, though. It's always the same drivers suffering the consequences of others, and they don't get shit for it. It is fucking annoying.'' 

Her engineer nodded, understanding everything she was saying. ''I know, we all know. But we keep fighting. We keep pushing. This season isn't over yet.'' 

''Yeah, true.'' She sighed. 

Marco gave her a reassuring smile. ''We'll be ready for the next race. We're all in this together, okay? We're all behind you.'' 

She nodded, feeling a small measure of comfort in his words. ''Thanks, I appreciate it.'' They shared a quick embrace, before he left to join the team again. Meanwhile she got herself ready to go to the media pen. As much as she wanted to hide away, she knew it was part of the job. 

Since she had an early exit, there wasn't much activity inside the area, though there were a bunch of reporters waiting for her. 

''Y/N, tough race today. Can you tell us what happened from your perspective?'' The reporter asked after briefly greeting her. 

''Yeah, it was, uh, challenging, I guess,'' she plastered a smile on her face. ''We had a great start, moving up to P2 and keeping pace with Max. Then, yeah, the contact with Lando. The car had a bunch of damage, and we decided to just retire the car.'' 

''Do you think it was a fair move by him?'' He followed up. 

She paused, weighing her response. ''Racing is always intense, especially at this level. I don't think it was the right move to make, but the stewards saw it as a racing incident.  I'll respect their decision, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.'' 

''You and Lando are good friends, and have been racing against each other since your karting days. Will you talk to him afterwards or just forget about it?'' 

They had expected a question like this, so the media-trained answer came out very quickly. ''It was deemed a racing incident, so there is not much to say further about it.'' 

''How do you and your team plan to bounce back from this setback?'' The reporter for Sky Sports changed the topic. 

''We'll regroup and come back stronger,'' she answered, injecting as much determination into her voice as she could muster. ''This season has been tough, but my team and I are committed to pushing forward. We learn from every race, and today is no different.'' 

''That's great, thank you, Y/N.'' They wrapped up the interview, and she moved onto a new one. 

Once she had spoken to everyone she needed to speak to, she finally had a moment to herself. She knew the words she had just spoken were the right ones, but they did little to soothe the turmoil inside her. 

It didn't help that Lando managed to take the lead, and eventually get his first win. As she watched the remainder of the race from the sidelines, her emotions were all over the place. On the one hand, she was proud of her friend for finally making his dream come true. However, it had come at the expense of her race. She had pushed so hard this season, and to see her friend and rival celebrate his triumph while she stood there with nothing but frustration was almost unbearable. 

The cheers from the McLaren garage echoed in her ears. They celebrated wildly, the joy of his long-awaited victory palpable even from a distance. He was swarmed by his team as they shouted his name. 

The podium ceremony was even worse. As Lando stood on the top step, the British national anthem playing in the background, she couldn't help but replay the moment that had ended her race. She could see the excitement in his eyes, the genuine happiness that came with achieving a lifelong dream. But all she could think about was the contact, the gravel trap, and the wrecked potential of what could have been her race. 

Under any other circumstance, she would have been there for him. She would have run to the ceremony herself, just like he had done for her when she got her first win in F1 and made history as the first woman to do so. But it just stung too deep. 

''Lando, there was an incident with Y/N that resulted in her retiring from the race. Can you tell us what happened there?'' The Dutch reporter asked the race winner. 

Lando's expression shifted slightly, the euphoria dimming just a bit. ''Uh, yeah. I saw a gap and went for it. It was a tight move, and unfortunately, it led to some contact. But that's racing, you know.'' 

''Have you spoken to her yet?'' 

''Not yet,'' he admitted. ''But I don't think there is much to talk about.'' He chuckled, quickly glancing sideways, but his laugh seemed forced.

''She told Sky Sports that she didn't think you made the right move there.'' The journalist said, instigating a headline for them to be able to use. 

Lando frowned at his words, but recovered. ''Well, that's her opinion. It was just racing for me.'' 

''So you don't regret making the move?'' The reporter pressed on. 

The Brit took a deep breath before answering. ''I regret that it ended her race. But as a racer, you have to take chances. It's a fine line, you know.''

The older man in front of him nodded at his response, knowing they had gotten a glimpse of the tension that was present between the fan-favorite duo. ''Thank you, Lando. Congratulations again.'' 

''Thank you.'' 

With that, the interview wrapped up, and Lando moved onto the next reporter. As he walked away, he couldn't shake the feeling of unease. He didn't think he had done anything wrong, so why was everyone talking to him as if he had done something wrong? 

Y/N was struggling to unwind. The events of the day played over and over in her mind, each replay more frustrating than the last. She tried to distract herself by either watching some TikToks or TV, but nothing could drown out her thoughts. The texts from her friends, family and team certainly didn't help. It was a nice gesture, but she didn't want to think about the race anymore and the messages weren't helping. Finally, she decided to call it a night and climbed into bed, hoping sleep would offer some respite. 

Just as she was starting to drift off, another knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. It was unusual for someone to bother her this late, especially when she was winding down in her hotel room.

She frowned and got out of bed, opening the door to find Lando standing there, wearing his signature grin, acting nonchalant as ever. ''You wanna come celebrate with us? We rented a club.'' 

Y/N frowned at him, confused over his casual behavior. ''No.'' She scoffed, offended by the mere thought. 

It was now Lando's turn to frown at his friend. ''Why?'' 

She crossed her arms, incredulous at his obliviousness. ''Why? Are you taking the fucking piss out of me or something.'' 

His grin faltered slightly, but he tried to maintain his composure. ''If this is about the racing incident then you're being ridiculous.'' 

Her eyes widened in disbelief, her frustration boiling over. ''I am being ridiculous? You were ridiculous with that move you pulled!'' She retorted, raising her voice. ''You ran me off the track knowing how hard this season has fucking been for me. You know how much I needed a good result today and you ruined it for me!'' 

''Y/N, I get that you're upset, but it's racing. These things are bound to happen. I saw a gap and I went for it. The stewards didn't even penalize me, so clearly, it wasn't as bad as you're making it out to be.'' He was restraining from rolling his eyes, she could tell. 

She scoffed, shaking her head. ''Oh, so now you're agreeing with the stewards? Now that it is benefitting you? And there was no fucking gap, you were just being selfish. You knew what you were doing, and you didn't care how it would affect me.'' 

Lando's face hardened, his patience wearing thin. ''I didn't do it on purpose to screw you over, where the fuck are you getting that from? I saw an opportunity, and I took it. That's what we do out there. You know that better than anyone." 

''If that opportunity was ruining my fucking race, then yeah, you really took the opportunity, Norris.'' She rolled her eyes, voice tinged with sarcasm. 

He took a step closer, his frustration now matching hers. ''I'm sorry that you didn't get the result you wanted today, I really am. But I am not going to apologize for racing and doing my job, Y/N.'' 

She simply glared at him, disappointed in how he was acting towards her. They'd never really had an argument before, at least not one where they couldn't see each other's point. They'd been frustrated with each other before, but it was always in reason. 

''If anything, I should be angry with you- not the other way.'' Lando suddenly said. 

''Why's that?'' She sneered, almost in disbelief that he would have a valid reason. 

''Because you didn't even have the fucking guts to congratulate me,'' he snapped back, ''when you won Silverstone, I was literally one of the first people to hug you and congratulate you for your win. I stood next to your fucking parents, Y/N! And today you didn't even bother doing anything.'' 

Her mouth fell open, a mix of shock and anger flooding her veins. ''You are unbelievable… You ruined my fucking race, Lando! How am I supposed to stand there and cheer for you when you cost me everything today?'' 

He rolled his eyes while throwing up his hands. ''This isn't just about today. You're just jealous because my season has been going so much better than yours. You can't fucking stand that for one time I'm doing actually better than you.'' 

''Jealous��� of you?'' The words came out like laughter, slightly hurting the McLaren driver's ego. ''You think I can't be happy for you because I'm not doing as well? That's so low, Lando.'' 

''Ever since the start of the season you've been so moody and distant, and now you can't even say or even fucking text me a congratulations for my first win. You're so pissed that I got a win before you this season, you can't even hide it.'' He shot back. 

''Oh, give me a break. Like you wouldn't act the same if you were getting all these shit results. Maybe I didn't congratulate you because I was too busy trying to scrape gravel out of my fucking tires.'' She remarked, throwing in the sarcastic comment. 

Lando looked unimpressed by her remark. ''You're just mad cause I'm outshining you. You can't fucking stand that I'm getting all the attention.'' 

''Outshining me? Are you hearing yourself?'' She mocked him, laughing bitterly. ''You get one win and you're acting like you're a fucking World Champion already. You've been riding Max's dick these last years hoping some of his success will rub off on you. Newsflash Norris, everyone is just fucking laughing at you.'' 

His face turned red, either embarrassment or anger. ''At least I'm not constantly whining about my car and blaming everyone else for my problems. Maybe if you spent more time focusing on your driving and less on complaining, you'd have more to celebrate.'' 

''You're a fucking spoiled brat who can't stand some competition. You think everything should be handed to you on a silver platter.'' She retorted. 

''And you're a fucking baby who throws a temper tantrum everytime you don't get what you want. It's time to fucking grow up, Y/N!'' He shouted, his voice rising with each word. 

She took a step closer to him. ''You should spend less time trying to prove yourself to people who don't give a shit about you, and more time trying to be a decent fucking human being. I'm ashamed to call you one of my best friends.'' 

That last sentence had clearly hit a nerve or several nerves. He shook his head, taking a few steps back. ''Fuck you, Y/N. Enjoy your pity party.'' Lando turned and walked away, joining his friends who were waiting in the lobby. 

She watched him go, her chest heaving with a mix of anger and heartbreak. She could feel the pulse of her racing heart, the adrenaline from their argument making her feel jittery and unsteady. 

A lump formed in her throat as she replayed the last few minutes in her mind. She cringed internally at the words she had fired at Lando, while also trying to ignore the sting from his own harsh words. She wondered how they would be able to come back from this. They had never been in a situation like this before, and she knew that she would never want to be in this situation again. 

The young woman knew that she had let her emotions get the best of her. She had always prided herself on being fair and understanding, but now she felt ashamed of herself. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of another door opening. George peeked out, concern etched on his face. ''Y/N, you okay?'' 

She shook her head, not wanting to deal with anyone else. ''Mind your business, Russell.'' She retreated back into her room, not before slamming the door behind her. 

As she leaned against the closed door, the weight of the evening pressed down on her. The room felt too small, her emotions too big. She slid down to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest, and let the tears she had been holding back finally fall.

Even when she finally got up, even when she tucked herself in again for the final time, and even when she tossed and turned the entire night, the same question lingered in her mind. 

Are they still friends? 

The question haunted her, gnawing at her thoughts every time she closed her eyes. She replayed the argument over and over, dissecting every word, every expression. The hurt in his eyes, the anger in his voice- it all felt so raw and irreversible. 

As the hours dragged on, sleep remained elusive. The darkness of the room mirrored the uncertainty in her heart. She knew they both needed time to cool off, to reflect, but the thought of facing Lando again filled her with dread.

The first light of dawn began to seep through the curtains, and she felt no more at ease than she had the night before. 

Are they still friends? 

story ideas are always welcome, but remember that it can take a while for me to get to it! :)

[rxmxa]

random astro observations part 13.✨

✨just for fun im just talking random ass shit based on PERSONALL observations..✨

PART TWELVE. 📀

virgo risings and people getting intimidated by the way they speak (scorpio 3rd house). But then when you get know and befriend them theyre so sweet (pisces 7h, cancer 11h). My virgo rising bestie & when i first met her in college she was speaking in class and i was like woah shes smart asf and intense 😭

or sag risings and them speaking to people in a direct yet still obscure manner! or sometimes even cold in a sense.. like girl what do u really mean fr 🤨 (aqua 3h). But then you get closer with them and they love to chat with you (gemini 7h) and make anytime u hang out a pleasant and nice time (libra 11h). my sag rising friend throws the best parties (going all out with the decor, presentation of food, having a theme & ofc taking nice pics after… real libra 11h shit).

taurus risings and them communicating in a very soft, comforting manner (cancer 3h) and as you get closer you notice their intensity in their relationships with people (scorpio 7h) and their giving, helpful nature in their friendships (pisces 11h).

another thing about taurus risings, you can bet they are getting FREAKYYY with their partner with that scorpio 7h 😭they are very private with their relationships and rarely reveal personal details about it unless they trust you. my taurus rising cousin and she never shares anything about her bf (whats mine is mine you dont need to worry about it) energy. and she also has mentioned she doesnt need to give ppl a reason to try to found out for themselves what a great time shes having lmfaooo

also my taurus rising coworkers and one time we all went out for drinks and one of our coworkers was complaining about how women always have a shit time when having seggs with men and my taurus rising coworker was like “wellppp cant relate.”.. and i oop 🙈

the 2nd house rules the vocal chords and as an aries 2h sometimes when im excited or even mad i sound like a 12 year old 😭 like naruto when hes giving one of his NEVER GIVE UP NEVER BACK DOWNNN speech. I also feel like if you have scorpio or aries 2h people always think you're mad and want you to "calm down" when you talk. like no im not mad have you ever heard of being fucking passionate? hmmm?

In general, aries placements could also find they get a lot of patronizing comments or aries women could even find that men often try to "mainsplain" them. just bc aries are being assertive doesnt mean theyre being reckless or not seeing the big picture.. its all a balance. Aries DOES have this youthful /bold energy, but that doesnt mean they cant be wise people who prefer to learn by doing, even if others mistake their approach for inexperience..

we know plutonians can be seen as having this “abrasive” energy to other people. it can throw them off or make them be like “oh i dont like them.” but pluto doms recognize other plutonian people its that silent understand lmaooo its giving "real recognize real😎 " overall tho pluto dom ppl try to give others the benefit of the doubt (not necessarily bc they like them but just bc they wanna feel the energy on their own). like if people are talking shit about someone pluto doms might sit back and stay silent about it. they do their digging on their own. theyre not gonna let the crowd influence how they feel about someone. plutonians will be DOING THEIR DIGGING FIRST no matter what.

I remember a time when my cousin, who’s a Scorpio rising, asked me if I liked one of her friends (not in a romantic way). I said, 'Yeah, why?' and she replied, 'Oh, just asking because she said she feels like you don’t like her, but I knew she was overthinking it.'" We moved on from the conversation, but later, I realized that was such a typical Scorpio rising move. Instead of just telling me, 'Hey, my friend feels like you don’t like her,' she asked me that question first to confirm or deny it. I felt like she did that on purpose to make it harder for me to lie, even though I wouldn’t have lied in the first place. It annoyed me because, like, why would I lie about something like that??? But then I understood it’s just her nature. Scorpio risings ask questions in a detective ass way because they want to dig for the truth and feel out people’s responses.

plutonians and scorpios do that shit all the time, tilting their heads like little cats, squinting, being all like "oh..hmm, why do you think that?" like no im about to do this shit with u rn sherlock fuckin JONES u know WHYYY

in my moon aspects post ppl asked me if it still applied with “harminous aspects” and yes. it still does. just bc u think its easier doesnt negate the energy. for ex i have moon trine neptune and my mom (moon) has always been in her own world (neptune). and other family members find her energy “endearing” or ask me to “be kinder to her” but its also hard when your mom often times cares more about the world of what ifs in her head more than the real world with her daughter ... also my moms way of coping (moon) at times would literally be by saying in front of the family as soon she got home that she hates her life and wish she could “grow wings and be somewhere far away from everyone ” like delulu was always the solution for her 😭….

but also i wonder if people with moon-neptune placements feel confused (neptune) about motherhood (moon) in general. i use to say i didn't want kids but as ive gotten older i do like the idea of it. it just feels very....… [static noises]

nui.views on instagram reminds me of the aries-libra axis so much. Most of her videos have titles like “how to be soft and direct” or “how to balance sharp and soft expressions.” usually titles along those lines. We know theres always time to read the room (libra) but also knowing when its time to stand up or speak up! (aries) and nui.views basically says it’s possible to do both.

12h moons & their moms being their biggest enemyyy is crazy!! 🤨 the passive aggressive behavior, entitlement, hating from the sidelines. AND the expectation of the 12h moon child to “repay” or be “grateful” mother for all they did. my ex had a 12h scorpio moon and brooo anytime they got a good thing, mom would make it all about her (for ex they bought a new car, mom was LIVIDDDDD). the moon can show how mom takes advantage. for ex: scorpio moon in the 12h and mom (moon) is possessive about the resources (scorpio) you have or over you in general. taurus moon and mom (moon) is possessive about your money (taurus) or maybe even holds over your head that “she feeds you.” i have a coworker with a 12h taurus moon and her mom constantly borrows money from her or literally steals it and never pays it back. capricorn moon and mom may feel like your accomplishments belong to her or “you wouldn’t be successful without all i did” energy.

^ their can be a lot of enmeshment with the mom with this placement (especially if their is a moon-pluto aspect) but its something the 12h moon person has to decide to sever or break from on their own and on their own time. this placement has to deal with the “mother always knows best😊😊😊😊” energy

12th house Moon women and other women (Moon) being their hidden enemies (12th house) is so real! I remember at my old job, one of my coworkers had a 12th house Aquarius Moon, and all the women would talk so much shit about her behind her back. (To be fair, she wasn’t doing her job well, but their comments were just unnecessarily nasty.) I used to feel bad for her in meetings because everyone would act normal to her face. I wasn’t at that job long… With this placement, it's common for other women (whether friends, family, or acquaintances) to secretly harbor resentment, jealousy, or animosity that isn’t obvious on the surface. Plus, with 12th house placements, if the person is genuinely doing something wrong or needs feedback, instead of being honest, people often use that as an excuse to bring up unrelated complaints or things they don’t like, turning it into something bigger than it is!! Like girl how did you go from talking about her customer service skills to talking about her haircut be fr!

how do you guys feel about people who plan their pregnancies to get a sign/ birth chart they are compatible with for their child? not gonna lie I use to think that shit was crazy but then I think about the 12h synastry and squares I have with my mom and im like... this shii couldve been way cuter...

gemini placements are the people that wake up in the middle of the night to google a random fact. its a itch they gotta scratch 😭 me with my chart ruler gemini jupiter in the 3h. trying to do type a paper for a class in one sitting? well no i got sidetracked reading about how to defend yourself against bear attacks which led me to bear survival stories on reddit which led me to reading about polar bears which led me to finding an article about the farmer that got attacked and eaten by his own hog named teddy and then… boom . its 3am.

Its so hard though like we know the "jack of all trades" label that comes with mercurial energy but damn what if I just wanna be a jack of one trade and be really good at that one thing? I bounce around from thing to thing because im always getting these diff ideas but im really working on finishing something once I start it. its just hard.... sometimes I b having a lot to yap about, ya know? (ive had many diff hobbies, writing fan-fiction, painting, making candles, crocheting, LMAOOO its just chaos sometimes)

sometimes aspects can be very literal. im spilling some family tea sorry tia but for ex my aunt has venus conjuct pluto in the 10th house and her relationships (venus) are known for (10h) being taboo or just frowned upon (10h). She dated her besties ex-husband and it caused A LOT OF drama and then he fucking died bro...like?? Being known for (10h) her lovers (venus) dying (pluto)?????? im not trying to be a judgmental asshole but also its so disappointing though when people use aspects like this for evil? fucking ur besties man as soon as they get divorced? with that venus-pluto in the 10h she could've found herself a successful ass business man!

my bestie is a teacher and she was telling me about how the kids were sharing about what they wanna be when they grow up and when it got to this one girls turn she said she wanted to be a basketball player or some shit like that (the point is it was a very 5th grade response similar to her peers) but then like the kids started clapping when she said hers??? LMAOOOO and to me that is the most sun-venus SHIT EVER. and then she told me all the the 5th grade tea, how some of the boys have a crush on her haha. shes admired and well liked (venus) just for being who she is (sun)!

moon-venus is different. my experience with venus-moon aspect has consisted of women always feeling comfortable enough to confide me, me feeling more comfy with women around, children loving me, children in my family venting to me (im that one cousin the babies reach out to first to get picked up ejeje). the moon is about the inner self, privacy, and our home life. A moon-venus person might be very well-liked, but often in a more low-key, intimate way. They're the type of person you confide in or feel safe with, rather than someone who shines in the spotlight or dominates a social scene the way a sun-venus person would. both aspects make a person likable, but in different way. sun-venus is more about being confident and noticeable, while moon-venus is more about being caring and emotionally connected with others.

btw doing personalized astro observations in the style of the way i usually write my random ones but instead based on your birth chart 😙🥰

[inumakis-boo]

May I have some dating Toge Inumaki headcanons? Both sfw and NSFW... If you're comfortable.

TOGE INUMAKI ♫₊˚.🎧 ✧💬

headcanons 𓍢ִ˖ hello and thank you for the requests! i am current rediting all of my posts, so if this looks a little different than when you first saw it, thats the reason why!

anyways, i hope all of you enjoy! and if course, NSFW will be tagged and is written for a female perspective.

safe for work headcanons

- would probably not notice each other the first time you meet, maybe an interested glance but it doesn't really hit until the second or third time that he really sees you

- probably asks for your number just so yall can talk better, and once you do, its an instant connection. he literally wouldnt be able to stop, staying up all night to text you

- texts you out of the blue, and although probably feels embarrassed to double text, he is just that interested in you

- would totally deliever a bag of goodies he bought at the store for you, and additionally maybe offer to make you a lunch to try before he makes it for everyone else

- you comment on one of his t-shirts he wears and he puts it in one of the goodie bags he buys you, doused in his cologne because he wants you to think of him

- would totally send annoying memes and tiktoks and bully you over text, also play 8-ball COMPETITIVELY cause he aint gonna lose to you (he doesnt even pity lose to you)

- shows up unannounced just to kiss you in the door frame of your dorm room as a goodnight and then leaves you there

- that is until you invite him over to your dorm at night and he brings post-it notes and teaches you his semi-bilingual language for easier understanding, and utterly loves you for it

- the talking stage would be him just pining over you cosntantly, writing it all down in journals or in his notes app

- after yall started dating, it is very much a no public affection mostly because he doesnt want anybody to be in your business. especially with his noisy ass friends

- but no matter what, he is going to hold your hand, especially when going on dates and walking around campus at night (would definitely talk u into sneaking out)

- he would be hesistant to kiss you even after yall became offical, probably go a few weeks before you just say it straight that you want him to kiss you and you dont even get it all out before hea pinning you to a door and giving you the best kiss of your life

- would absolutely use his speech on you so you cannot resist it when he tickles you or when you are beating him in a game

- he is not the sappiest guy, but if you start to get sappy over a movie or a sad book, he will rub your back and give you head-kisses to help you feel better

below is not safe for work content. mdni.

not safe for work headcanons

- you find out very quickly into the relationship that he cannot resist a challenge of any kind. therefore, using that to your advantage always works out

- challenging him through text to sneak out of his dorm will work, but ofc he wants a prize at the end (you are on your knees for the next hour)

- the benefit of his speech is that you don't feel any fatigue whatsoever during its use, so that makes it really easy to make your body endure while you deep-throat him over and over.

- it doesn't diminish the pleasure though; being told to stay still while he fondles your chest takes away nothing from the experience, and he knows how much you like having no choice.

- not that even if it was tiring, you wouldn't let him throat-fuck you, the noises he makes are heavenly for someone who can't speak straight, the struggle of watching him grip the bedframe and biting his lips so he doesn't utterly ruin you is SO worth a bruised throat.

- he might be nervous to use his speech on you the first time, but after you make sure that you can handle it, its becomes so much more confident in using it

- he loves making out with you, he loves making your lips red with all the biting, he wants to see them glossy and wet right before he puts his fingers in your mouth (you know where they are going next)

- sexting is so fun, yall thought it might be cringy, but its literally the best when he calls you with a command and he gets to listen to you whimper and moan as he jerks off to it, can be totally unexpected

- "Ride me."

- hand on your thigh when nobody can see, and his pinky is awfully close to your panties that it makes you nervous.

- ofc he can easily make you cum, but will he always let you? not without a cute little 'please' hes not. begging is fun, isnt it?

- lets be honest, the dick game is so good he don't even have to tell you to go to sleep after

- ofc he would definitely lay it down on you exactly how he described through text, and then clean you with special wipes he bought from the store because he aint a dickhead, duh.

I have so many more, especially for different situations, so lmk if you want more! Thank u for all the support as of recently!

bye pookies!

[i-cant-sing]

I don’t see any Castlevania asks and that makes me sad as HELL

How would (Y/N) react to Lisa’s burning? How would Dracula’s war court react to her? And Hector and Isaac?

I'm gonna go down the platonic route and make reader Lisa and Dracula's daughter, biological or kidnapped/adopted.

Obviously, any normal human would not react well to anyone being burned at the stake- ALIVE. And maybe when the villagers caught Lisa, they caught you as well and thought you were a witch too. They burned your mother first and just when they had started to burn you, Dracula came and swooped you up and away, along with his now dead wife's remains and while you passed out due to inhaling all the smoke, sustaining some minor burn injuries and well- EXHAUSTION AND TRAUMA, your father returned to slay the entire village and later wreak havoc on all of humanity. Really, a justified reaction from a family man.

Anyways, he returns home with you in his arms and then nurses you back to health all while killing everyone outside. Now, he may still be soft to you but you are absolutely forbidden from leaving the castle. Like you cant even go outside even if Dracula accompanies you. No, he's lost his wife and if youre their bio kid who is more human than vampire unlike your older brother Alucard, then Dracula is way more protective of you. After all, he did see you almost die and really, you remind him far too much of his wife, of her humanity and her kind heart to help others that eventually got her killed.

Initially, right after Lisa's death, Dracula didn't even allow you to even leave your room, too paranoid about some unknown force killing you and him not being able to save you in time. Eventually though, with other vampires and monsters(under his control obv) in the castle, he let you out of your room, but still not out of the castle, and thats when you found out that he had thrown out Alucard and (sort of disowned him??) because your brother was not in favour of Dracula either killing the world or locking you up.

Now, like I said before, Dracula is still soft for you but with Lisa's death he's become a little... emotionally crippled. He has too much pain and hatred inside him, and he's doing his very best that you dont end up on the receiving end of these very negative and very dangerous emotions. However, he sometimes... loses control. When you keep on persisting about how all of this is wrong, about how he shouldnt kill ALL humans, how he shouldnt lock you up or break what remains of this family, he lets his anger out on you. Only a little. He'd yell at you, tell you that you're far too stupid an naive and stubborn to understand what he's doing or why, ask if you're going to side with those murderers that you so desperately want to save over your own family? Are you that blind? He'd drag you back to your room, lock you in there because he wont have you questioning him like he's the bad guy here.

But soon after that, he'd be found sitting in front of one of Lisa's portraits, probably one where she's cradling baby you and he'd start talking to her, trying to explain himself, how he did not mean to blow up at you but you just wouldn't listen to him. The one sided conversation would always end with Dracula feeling guilty and he returns to your room with a heavy heart that just sinks more when he sees you asleep, tear streaks now drying on your cheeks. Sitting on your bed, he'd pet your hair, mumble something about how he loves you and cant afford to risk losing you, smiling softly when you shuffle closer to him.

Since Dracula knows Hector is loyal and sincere to him, he will allow you to have him as your friend. After all, you would need some company in the castle and vampire dad on murder spree is not exactly someone who is ideal for friendship at the moment. So, he permits and even encourages Hector to socialise with you and comfort you. And Hector has a bleeding heart too, so you're in luck because he will happily listen to you express your emotions and provide you with free therapy (he makes dead, one missing limb/eye puppies alive for you🥺) He just wanna protect u too, and while he doesnt agree with you being locked up in the castle, its better than the alternative. Also, has and will fight Isaac 1000% if he talks shit about you because youre human.

As for the court, they know that you are now the only thing dear to Dracula, and while one wouldnt say that you have the vampire king wrapped around your finger, he comes pretty close to it. But its no use really because they cant exactly use you to make Dracula listen to them... or can they?

Considering that you're pretty against the whole "Vampire uprising-kill all humans" plan, they cant persuade you to enslave or kill humans. What they can do is gain Dracula's favour by being... kind to you? Okay take Carmilla for example (because she's the only one I can remember from the court. Her and the brash, red haired vamp?) Now she's smart, she's manipulative and she knows exactly how to use this opportunity. She starts to befriend you by first agreeing that she understands why you're against your father's actions but also tells you that you must understand his decisions from his side. "Your mother was a kind woman, a brilliant doctor and from what I've heard, your father loved her very much. And if you've ever been in love, then you would understand why he's doing all of this." And of course Dracula overhears this because come on, nothing happens in his castle without his knowledge. So yes, he shows slight favouritism towards Carmilla among the court and he may allow her to hang around you a bit (only after Carmilla convinced him that you needed a female friend in your life, and its always better to be in her company than any of those perverted men of his court) but even then, Dracula doesn't completely trust her around you and so he wont allow you two be in contact often.

Dracula would also be way more conscious of your feelings with time, because he will realise eventually that he was far too caught up in his own pain and plan for vengeance that he forgot to see how you were coping with the loss of your mother. If any of the vampires are heard saying something even remotely mean to you, if he even hears Isaac even breathing in disgust at the sight of you because you were part human, they will be swiftly dealt with (girl, he murders them all).

You're his baby, his sweet human kid, his little princess and he wont have anyone or anything taking you away from him. (LET HIM PULL YOU IN HIS LAP AND WRAP HIS CLOAK AROUND YOU AND DRIFT OFF IN HIS ARMS BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY WARMTH LEFT FOR HIS COLD DEAD HEART OMGGGG)

Ah i miss Castlevania asks too, platonic yandere castlevania asks especially. everyone send in ur asks.

(omg what about yandere brother Trevor Belmont?)

[starlovesganyu]

doing their hair!

❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀--❀

various characters x gn!reader

characters: clorinde, dehya, ganyu, nilou, ei, chiori, keqing, kokomi

warnings: none

not proofread

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

clorinde -`✮´-

• would definitely be hesitant at first

• if you give her puppy eyes, she'll crumble and let you do her hair

• realizes how nice your hands feel

• will sheepishly ask you to do it again tomorrow, even if you messed up

won't tell you it's because your hands in her hair makes her insides turn into mush

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

dehya -`✮´-

• she feels super comfortable around you, so she lets you style her hair without a second thought!

• but you are not allowed to tell anyone, especially her merc friends!

• if you are lucky, she will let you style her hair into different styles in private

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

ganyu -`✮´-

• would be surprised by your offer at first

• no one has ever offered to do her hair before :(

• be careful not to touch her horns while you are styling!

• will be blushing from head to toe the entire time

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

nilou -`✮´-

• her hair is silky smooth, you can't help yourself from aimlessly playing or running your hands through her hair

• definitely would hum some sort of tune as you do her hair

• even lets you put on her headdress!

• after you've finished, would offer to do your hair because she's an angel <3

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

ei -`✮´-

• doesn't really understand why you want to do her hair. She can style it herself

• after you explain to her that doing each other's hair is a common activity between couples, she'll allow you to do her hair

• would offer to do your hair, then completely mess up

• wouldn't give you much of a reaction, but then she'd go and show it off to miko in secret

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

chiori -`✮´-

• you are going to need to beg

• before she lets you do her hair, she makes you practice on mannequins first

• when you finally pass all of her tests, she finally lets you try on her

• you better not mess up-you only have one chance!

• would definitely critique your handiwork, but it would be constructive criticism

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

keqing -`✮´-

• good luck

• her hair looks very hard to style (idk if it acc is i dont have long hair)

• you'll probably mess it up slightly, but she'll still roll with it

• would ask you to do it again, not because she likes it or anything, but only because she is too lazy to do it herself!

she loves it

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

kokomi -`✮´-

• her hair would be silky smooth, similar to nilou

• she loves when you do her hair, its one of her favorite ways to relax or start her day

• your hands are so soothing she might fall asleep because she's overworked </3

• energy +10

[natriae]

Ushi gushi who u dated thru highschool and 2nd year college and he is getting hornier but all u guys have done so far is make out and hand job/fingering till u ask if he wants to go further and BOY does he and u see a side of him u never imagine 😍

HEHEH KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING RN

Ushijima Wakatoshi is no doubt the best boyfriend ever. He spoils you and always makes time for you. He would drop everything to go see you, but he's still wakatoshi. He has a hard time with social cues and displaying his emotions. You like to call yourself the 'Toshi master. Usually able to understand his affection and thoughts without him showing it.

He's remained the same since highschool. He stuck to the same routine with little differences in the past years. He'd wake up do his morning run, then go to class, practice, then shower and do his homework, and finally cuddle you to sleep in his dorm. Saturdays were specifically reserved for you. He tried to leave his comfort zone by taking you on dates, but you knew he perfered to stay in. You did too, so it was no issue for you to spend every Saturday with Wakatoshi at your house back in highschool. He found comfort getting groceries with you and helping you clean. He found comfort in really anything that took his mind off his family.

There was a lot of feelings that Wakatoshi missed out, but with therapy and you supporting him along the way he got better at understand what he was feeling. Being away from his mother definitely helped as well.

Even with all his amazing qualities there were sometimes you felt insecure in your relationship. Going to college was a much different territory for both of you. Students from all around Japan went to school with you guys. At Shiratorizawa no one really talked to 'Jima because they were scared of him but here you can't remember a game where some girl wasn't flirting with him. Or even listening to how far your friends have gotten with their boyfriends. It's not that you want to force 'toshi out of his comfort zone, but sometimes you think he doesn't like you..like that. Almost like it's out of obligation.

After date night he asks if you want it instead of getting in the mood. Almost like it's apart of his routine. You guys eat, come home, he kisses you a bit and fingers you till you cum, and then he washes his hands and kisses you goodnight. You want him to do it for his own pleasure.

"everything okay?" He asks once he finishes washing the dishes. He walks over to the small couch you sat on while in deep thought.

Looking up at him you smile at his cute face. Bring your arms up signaling you want a hug. Lifting you up he places you on his lap as he sits down. You legs draped over his as your wrap your arms around his neck, resting your head on his chest. "I guess, I've just been thinking...'Jima you find me attractive, right?" Looking up you watch as he nods his head. His eyes srunching a little in thought. Your hand resting on his chest feels his heart begin to beat a little bit faster. " um, remember when Tendou had-um- remember in highschool when tendou was quite aroused and everyone made fun of him?"

"his boner?" Ushijima states unbothered.

Your face reddens at his outburst and you nod your head. "well why don't- you dont seem to get that when your with me, and I was worried that you dont feel that way about me, and I don't want you to be doing anything you find uncomfortable if you dont feel that way about me." While you ramble you start to feel a small poking at the side of your right butt cheek. "'Jima?"

His faces flushes a bit and his heart beats after as he brings his lips into his mouth. "I do feel that way about you." He says, not looking into your eyes.

Bringing your hand up to his cheek you move his head so the two of you can look at each other. "why don't you ever show it?" you pout.

"i don't want to make you uncomfortable." He tells you, face remaining unmoving. You watch as his pupils expand looking into your eyes. "Meditating usually helps it go away." He tells you like it was a serious issue. You giggle and move into kiss his lips.

"Do you still have those condoms Tendou gave you?"

His single nod is all you need to tell you that tonight you won't have to worry about Wakatoshi's attraction towards you.

[waddleonmywaywardducks]

Practicing with adhd.... (A kinda long commentary on how to work with ADHD in your practice instead of against it)

(disclaimer: I'm making this post as someone who has a struggled with ADHD. In no way am I glorifying mental illness or symptoms of mental illness. This is just something I've dealt with all my life and i know other people have too. I'm just posting my own experience and advice. You do not have to use this at all.)

I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was either 7 or 9 and have been struggling with it ever since, idk why I never grew out of it. Over the years of practicing, I've encountered a lot of practitioners with the same problem as me, only all of their advice was to try to get rid of ADHD has much as possible, well I tried that, I'm still the same. But that's just it, ADHD is apart of me, whether I like it or not. For years, I've always hated my ADHD, I constantly feel stupid, childish, and not responsible, but I am, I just need to work with my ADHD instead of around it. And that my friends is what Im going to teach you all here today, so grab a nice comfort TV show and a fidget bc your ADHD ass WILL READ THIS POST!!!!!!!!

My biggest problem with adhd and witchcraft

honest to the Gods, my biggest problem has got to be that witchcraft isnt dogmatic, you aren't going to get a rule book, there is no duality, you pick what's right from wrong, you make your practice your own. I had such a hard time figuring that out because I'm a very hands on learner. I grew up in a Christian household, most historical events that I wanted to research I could read in the Bible, or go to a church, or if I wanted to find community to help me figure out where to go well....it's basically all around me. But we don't have that with witchcraft. We only have ourselves (unless you were born into pagan/witchy family then lucky you I guess 😭😭). So obviously the only thing we can do is research.

"but omg chaos,,, I can't research I have executive dysfunction!"

I understand. Executive dysfunction is so weird why do humans have this??? Why was this built into my system??? Anyways, the best advice I can give you for executive dysfunction is that you can either go one of two ways:

1.) while you are laying in bed, cursing yourself to get up and do something. At least do something, but you just can't. That's ok. Dont beat yourself up about it, honestly the more you do that the more you're not going to want to do it. Allow yourself to be like this, allow yourself to just lay there. If you need to give offerings but you just can't get up, say sorry out loud, I always find that this brings me comfort and that my deities will know I'm truly sorry. Then forget about it, now it's time to allow yourself to just be. And then you wait until you find the strength to do it. That's it. Just be.

2.) you're laying in bed and you really need to give offerings to your deities. Get up. Just do it. Immediately once you have the thought in mind don't even think about it just do it. I know this doesn't work 100% of the time but it does for me. So 🤷

"how do I know if my practice is my own or if it's just a hyper-fixation?"

OK OK. I don't know anyone else who has this struggle but I have. When I started out, I was just a bright eyed kid filled with questions about the "unholy". I really started practicing when I was like 13-15. During these times, I didn't know how strong my hyper-fixation was with Greek mythology and religion until I fell out of that fixation. It was very disappointing to see myself gain so much momentum only to come crashing down. One thing that helped me decipher whether my practice was my own or not was simply asking questions to myself about my own beliefs and upg. If I couldn't answer these questions then I knew I wasn't really practicing I was just researching. Without my own experience, my own UPG, my spells weren't working correctly, and my rituals were failing. If there is no emotion behind it for me then the spell is just a bunch of herbs in a bottle.

"I struggle with grounding and meditation, how can I become better at that?"

Firstly, I need people to realize that I don't believe there is one right way to meditate. For me, starting out, I listened to guided meditations which helped me A LOT. Guided meditations I feel like are really slept on but I got a lot of communication done with my deties through this way, I met one of my guides this way bro. Another way you could do is laying down. As long as you are allowing yourself time to get into the meditative state, and if you can't, oh well, don't beat yourself up about, you can always try again.

"I have trouble remembering herb properties, correspondences, and holidays"

Write. Everything. down. Every spell you've ever created, every experience you have with your deties, every tarot card reading. Write it all down. Cross-research everything until something sticks. Give up the idea that grimoires need to look a certain way or give off a certain vibe. Just start writing shit down. In any book.

How I work with ADHD in my practice

Have you guys ever seen those post, I think they were floating around here around like 2019 or 2020?? They we're like "spells to get rid of ADHD" or "spells to get rid of depression" and shit like that. Yeah, I never understood those. I don't understand why we are treating these illnesses/disabilities like they are monsters?? I hate the ideology that all illnesses are bad, because yeah they impose a great risk to our health, but we can always look on the brighter side of things. My ADHD allows me to feel more deeply, because of this I feel connected to the gods always. My ADHD makes me passionate about my Interests in the gods, my ADHD can work with me.

Some ways I work with ADHD in my practice is by making a schedule and sticking to it but a bigger importance to that is recognizing when I need a break. During days that are dedicated to the gods, or holidays, I often times have a big thing planned that might take up a lot of energy. I allow myself breaks with things that aren't witchcraft related at all, then when I'm ready I pick it back up from where I left off.

I honestly think if you are reading this and you're like "yeah maybe I should start working with my ADHD instead of against it....but none of this stuff is hitting for me."

Then I advice you to look at your own symptoms and try to see if you can find any way you can work with yourself. For example, if one of my symptoms was that I was impulsive, one thing I would do is dedicate something impulsive to one of my gods. Like dying my hair, going out of town for the night, getting drunk on a Tuesday afternoon (keep it stable buddy.), who gives a fuck. You are using your symptoms in a way that works with it instead of against it.

In conclusion....

I've had this post in mind for a while I just never had the words for it until now, and I still don't even know if this makes sense😭😭 I just hope to help atleast someone (it's 3 am and I literally decided to write this like....20 minutes ago.) this post was also me bashing on people who think ADHD is "all bad." Anyways, if anyone has any other advice or suggestions on how to work with ADHD, please leave them in the comments! I would love to get as much advice from adhd practitioners as I can! Alright I'm going to sleep now

[excalibur-gone-missing]

Paring: wonwoo x fem!reader

Genre: lovers to exes

warning(s): angst

summary: wonwoo realizing that good things dont last unless one takes care of them.

words:750

a/n: I request each and every one of you to comment on this fic don't be a silent reader it helps me as an author to understand my readers and i would love to communicate with all of you. Constructive criticism is always welcomed by me so do talk about this fic or send me an ask.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Wonwoo had realized you were the love of his life from the prime age of fifteen. You obviously were not aware of this revelation of his, but you did not need to, he was fine with keeping it secret from you till he was comfortable with sharing it.

He had met you when you were six and though a series of unfortunate events, wherein you shoved his face in dog shit and he pushed you into the lake without knowing you could not swim, you both became best of friends, almost inseparable.

The first crack in your ever so strong friendship came with Wonwoo realizing his feelings for you, he stopped talking to you trying his level best to make sure it goes away. It resulted in you breaking into his house to inquire his sudden disappearance from your life and decreasing his life span in the process.

He had his first serious conversation with you about your relationship then. After spending the whole night talking, you both realized you were equally in love with each other and felt the innate teenage need to get into a relationship.

That was the second crack. Now that he thinks back to that day, he realizes the foolhardy risk you both took. It just resulted in a lost friend and a broken relationship.

That was five years ago, both of you were young and dumb, and did not know how to actually work out a relationship. Now at the age of twenty, both still young and dumb, but wiser than your fifteen-year-old selves stand in the living room of his college dorm teary eyed and exhausted from the conversation you just had.

"Maybe it's time we take a break you know experience the world, because I don't really have the energy to do a long distance anymore Wonwoo, not when it's just me putting the effort." You spoke.

That was the topic of the argument, 'his extreme ignorance to your presence', as you had stated, taking utmost care to point out all the time when he went wrong and how you are the only one putting enough effort.

In return he had used up his energy to point out valid reasons as to why he was not able to be available for you in his schedule. His head is throbbing, and he would very much like to have a glass of water but alas the predicament he is in refrains him from doing so.

"let's break up then, what are we waiting for", he says.

All he gets is a scoff from you as a reply. You turn around while running a hand through your hair, you mumble something that sounds similar to 'prick' and walk out of his dorm slamming the door shut.

Maybe if he would have tried to understand where he went wrong instead of making excuses, maybe if you would have tried to understand his predicament or maybe if you both would have sat down for a discussion, you could have salvaged the broken relationship of yours.

But that was not the case here, you both were too deep in your emotions to even try and feel the others, the years in uni had made you both incapable of accepting the changes you both went through. It has made you both hardheaded souls who refused to accept their own shortcomings and blame the world for everything when they could easily fix the problem with accepting their faults instead of defending them.

You were Wonwoo’s first love, and he knows he was yours, but maybe good things do not last long or maybe to make them last one must put in effort, which you both just refused to do. He knows before anything else you both were friends; he does not know if you will be anymore, but he sure does hope that the friendship stays.

Maybe he is a prick he thinks, but you are no less, he knows both of you are equally at fault here, but he will take the easy route this time too, he will blame you because it takes too much courage to blame one’s own self.

He just hopes when the storm dies down you come back to him maybe not as a lover but as a friend because you are too precious for him to lose, and he hopes you think the same as him. Because at the end of the day, you are best of friends.

[necromosss]

I’ve followed you since 2020, through SWTOR and D&D and BG3. The imp trio are some of my favorite original characters by any creator. Your art style absolutely captivates me, and I love your sense of humor. I’ve really admired you as an artist and thought you were generally wonderful.

So seeing that you’ve been posting about Harry Potter up to the year 2023 absolutely breaks my heart. I know that you don’t owe your followers transparency about what other media you engage with, and that you’ve attempted to distance yourself from the franchise. But on the other hand, as a transgender person, I feel deeply torn. I genuinely want to keep following you, but the fact that you can still give any time or attention to that media and the person behind it just makes me feel awful.

I know that leaving behind a character you’ve invested years in wouldn’t be easy. But I really, sincerely hope that someday it will no longer be worth it. No matter how much you love a character, they’re not real, and the harm Rowling is doing with the platform you’ve helped give her is very real.

Hello anon, Thank you so much for voicing your thoughts out. I really appreciate you doing this and I understand your concerns and disappointment. You have ALL the rights to be disappointed! But please hear me out on this one (it is absolutely ok too if you dont!):

I absolutely, 100% in utter disdain about the fandom and that person. Heck, they supported the blue-white flag and i have zero tolerance for that (Palestine WILL be free). To say all love that I hade for the franchise died. (A lot of it was inconsistent and fucking awful anyway.)

and as you said; my characters are fictional, and in that regard what I did was to make a whole new worldbuilding of myself. And places my old OCs in there. (I hate the thought of using the old fandom, I really do. We are hating the same thing here). Was my world inspired by the 'original' world building? Yes. But does that mean I support them? Heck no. If anything, It is under my SPITE that want to STEAL the good ideas from there and make it my own. To my eyes they have lost the entireity of those rights and I will steal it for me and my friends. and mark my words and emphasize with the utter hatred: I WILL TWIST it to the thing that THAT person HATE THE MOST.

If you're curious, I have an entire world made to scratch. The only thing that is similar are just the 'houses' (which is to my knowledge, is a common thing in UK schools, but correct me if im wrong)

So fuck JKR really. I want them to go to the ground and to the bloody dust. Me and my friends in this RP are also sharing the same thoughts in this matter. We spite them, and we want just want to rip the good things out of their bloody, rotting hands.

But regardless if you want to leave or not, it really is up to you. I have no rights to keep you around, and you 100% SHOULD prioritize your own comfort first. Thank you anon, and I really appreciate your support of all this years 💖

--------

Oh and before anyone asks "Why dont you make an entierly different setting" Oh but I do! I have tons of world buildings, one of my pride and joy is KLIEVERDE UNIVERSITY where you can literally check the world here:

Mysthaven is placed in THE SAME worldbuilding as KU does. Just different campus, different aesthetics. There are other tons of other campuses in that worldbuilding too, so its not just one RP, really. (i try to make do! >.<)

[gor3sigil]

hi i dont really know how to introduce myself, so i hope you dont mind if i skip that part.

i just wanted to ask about that post you made a few days ago. in one of the last paragraphs you mention how hatching is painful. but is it supposed to feel like my entire world is cracking apart around me?

what you mentioned in the beginning of the post, about how the people around you felt about masculinity, that very aptly describes a lot of my fears of reactions to me identifying as masculine, which is what started me crying and ultimately spurred me to message you.

im just so scared

i have lots of trans people in my life, i just dont know how to talk about this with most of them (see: Very Scary :C) ive spent my whole life using femininity to take down peoples walls and help them feel comfortable around me. what the hell am i supposed to do as man? can i even still behave that way? will people even still trust me? will they like me? will they feel safe around me? its unbearable. every time i think about it my brain tries to run away, there's just so much fear.

is this normal at all? to be scared like this? i mean, considering i too struggle with the radical feminist narrative you mentioned? i dont believe the narrative, but i fear it. and then i get insecure and i cant stop thinking the insecurity an indication that manhood is the wrong direction for me.

am i making any sense?

Hi, it must've taken lots of strength to write all this so congrats to you. My answer will be based on my own experiences so take it with a grains of salt. Yeah, your world will definitely shatter too. Because even if you're just socially transitionning, if you do so while being surrounded by trans friends, most of them will change the way they percieve you so your interactions may change. I know that's scary, but you have to trust the process. If they're good friends, they won't like you less or anything. That's the hardest part I think. As you read in my post, coming ot made me lose tons of friends, most of them trans, because they treated me badly after I came out.

And yes, you are making sense. I went through the exact same fears as you. The fear of not being deemed as safe anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any solutions to offer you, appart from building your own community, online and/or IRL. Like I said, most of my trans friends were kinda crappy about me being masc and I struggled for years to feel comfortable in my masculinity as a result. Because I did the same as you, me being a "woman" was my way of saying that I understood the struggles of others and was safe. Let me stress one thing. You are still okay, you're not a bad person. Even if you discover new things about yourself, even if you're transmasc, even if you're transitionning (if you do), you are still very much the same person as before, with your understanding of a number of issues, with your own pas experiences.

It's a point I really can't stress enough. As I said in my post, you are still worthy of love, support, tenderness, being understood, being heard, being listened to, being comforted. One thing I noticed is that my previous friend tended to dismiss my feelings and/or be "rough" with me thinking that it was "affirming" because I was a man now. Let me tell you that that's BS and don't let anyone treat you this way.

Maybe try to test the water, idk if you came out already or not but maybe in your presentation or just by talking about transmasc specific issues with them, see how they react. That being said, I really do hope that your friends will be understanding. Or that by explaining to them how their behavior is wrong they will understand and act differently, because sometimes people so shit cause they don't know any better. I hope this helps, and I really wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out again. Take care.

[the-s1lly-corner]

may we please request gn porcelain doll!reader whos on the verge of abstraction (but has zero idea how to stop it and is afraid to admit it) x jax and maybe pomni (separate) ? ot I love how canon your writing is !! have an amazing day/night :3

Jax and Pomni x porcelain doll!reader whos abstracting !

cracks my knuckles. a TADC angst request? dont mind if i do eheheheh! and ueueueueu thank you anon! i gotta admit im really self conscious about writing characters, doesnt matter how long ive been writing them i always feel that i could do better with their characterization... but im so so happy to know that theyre not too OOC!! that means a lot!! got a little too silly on jaxs part so its longer than pomnis i hope thats okay!!

POMNI:

gosh imagine this is the first time shes seen someone actively abstract... like yeah sure shes seen kaufmo in his abstracted form, but seeing the aftermath/complete transformation is totally different than being there in the moment. i think she would.. be all over the place. i mean youre at your worst and you dont even understand whats going on... and pomni doesnt know what to do or what she can do to ground you. can you even be grounded back to the present moment? can you even back up and regain yourself? is that something someone can do? i think her panic makes you panic, which ends up making your.. situation worse.. i think pomni would try to keep you together as best as she can; physically and mentally. i got the image of the readers face cracking open and the abstraction stuff peeking out and pomni just... trying to push the pieces back together... its a horrible situation, and before long you're fully abstracted and pomni just stands there. im not even sure if she would have the mind to run away, probably too caught up in trying to bring you back to her.. i think sometimes she would stop in front of your old bedroom door and just. stare at the brand new red X over your portrait

JAX:

unlike pomni, i think he can more easily catch the signs of someone abstracting, though i dont think hes seen someone actually lose themselves right in front of him and transform right there... hmm... but unless you and him are very close i dont think he would bother trying to check in on you. i mean, if youre not, why would he? but... lets say youre both friends, or even partners, and he notices that youve been acting off.. i think it would still take him a little longer than id like to admit for him to actually come to your room to check in on you. perhaps he wants to give you space, or feels youre just going through something and thats your business, or maybe he didnt feel obligated to ask how youre doing as horrible as it sounds (i feel this is more likely if you guys are just friends, though, perhaps not close but still friendly with one another).. gets tipped off that something is wrong when he sees a stray (and glitching) piece of porcelain on the ground... which turns into two pieces, then three. a trail, leading right to your breaking form. i think at first he would think its some joke, before realizing that this is actually happening. unfortunately, i dont think jax is the best comforter so even in your last moments of being conscious and aware would still be spent in fear and confusion.. but at least theres an attempt to try to help you, right? i think jax would actually try to call for help, at least he might be able to admit hes unqualified to help you.. but regardless of if anyone hears him its too late for you.. i like to think he keeps some of your porcelain shards, on the off chance theyre still hanging around even after youre sent to the cellar

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Hi ☺️ id like to request a vampire!eddie who is friends with reader but they both want more. But maybe vampire!eddie is afraid to hurt reader so he tries to remain friends. Reader finally gives up and tells eddie they can be friends but she needs to move on. She ends up on a date that ends terribly, when she gets home eddie is waiting for her and confesses he cant just be friends and they happily get together bc neither deserve anymore angst lol.

Warnings: Angst to fluff 💕

Dont copy, reuse or repost my work

Request by @swansonron

♥️

Many people have fun stories about how they've met their best friend.

For you and Eddie its no different except for one thing.

Your best friend is a vampire. Yes, exactly like Dracula, Anna Rice's Interview with a Vampire, Angel and Spike from Buffy...

Oh, and he doesn't sparkle in the sun just FYI.

Eddie may be a vampire but he's the sweetest, kindest man you've ever met. He's never hurt a human and you know he'd never hurt you.

You've fallen for him, hard but despite how close you both are, how it's obvious both you want to take your friendship to the next level Eddie holds back.

He's terrified of hurting you, even though you know he won't but he's got the idea in his head that his enhanced strength will end up with you hurt in some way.

Honesty, he's the most gentle man you've ever known and you know accidents can happen, but what they didn't?

You wish deep in your heart that Eddie would give you and him a chance but it looked increasingly unlikely and the more it broke your heart.

🦇

After much deliberation, constantly unsure of what to do and many sleepless nights you had come to a decision.

If Eddie would never accept the idea of you and him together then you had to move on. For both your sake.

You loved his frienship and never wanted to ruin it so maybe moving on would be best for everyone.

Even if you doubted that you could find someone as incredible as Eddie, you had to try didn't you?

Telling Eddie was the hardest part as your heart still longed for him.

"I have to move on Eddie. I want to be with you so much but it's clear you don't feel the same." your heart clenches painfully and you take a second before speaking again.

"We can be friends obviously but I can't keep hoping and waiting for you when this isn't what you want"

Saying all of this is hurting your heart but it needs to be said. You need to move on and stop living in a dream world.

Eddie is quiet as he takes this in and gives a tiny nod of his head.

"I understand princess" There's a hint of pain in his voice and you desperately want to soothe him, take the pain away.

By the time you move forward just an inch to go and comfort him, it's like he puts a mask up, his brown eyes darken and he steps back.

Tears prick your eyes but you swallow them down. Maybe he really doesn't care... He's just your friend and that's it.

"I have a date on Friday. It's with a guy called Jason" he nods and turns away.

"Right, well I hope it goes well sweetheart. I'll see you tommorow" he pauses and then turns back to you and gently kisses your cheek.

The soft brush of his lips on yours, the way his brown eyes meet your gaze for a minute makes your heart race.

When you open your eyes, he's gone and all that's left is a hollow feeling in your chest.

♥️

Shit, could this night get any worse?

Jason was one of those washed up jocks who sat relieving his glory days as a high school heartthrob and football captain.

He barely asked anything about you and when he did it didn't last long.

Long story short? You wish you were with Eddie instead.

Jason gulps down his wine and grows increasingly more and more drunk, conversation is stilted and no matter how many times you pick it up, it doesn't help.

The two of you have nothing in common, in fact he could be the greatest guy in the world and your heart would still belong to Eddie.

This frustrates you. Ugh, so much for trying to get over him. You needed to accept he didn't want to be with you. In some ways you had but your heart was different.

Your heart longed for a happy ending but its obvious you wouldn't find it here.

♥️

Eddie was waiting for you when you got home, he has a determined look on his face.

"Hi, what are you doing here Ed's?" you ask him curiously. Your traitor heart skips a beat as you eye him.

"I wanted to make sure you got home okay. How was your date?" you groan and slump on the sofa.

"Awful, truly awful" he growls and his eyes flash red briefly. Shit he's pissed.

"Do I need to have words with this douchebag" his protectiveness is sweet but you can handle a tipsy idiot.

"No, you'd scare him to death Eddie, I'm okay"

He kneels down beside you and takes your hand.

"What if I just frighten him a little bit? Turn into my bat form and scare the shit out of the dumb fuck?" this makes you giggle at the thought but you shake your head.

"No, remember what happened last time" Poor Miss Dawson is still on edge about bats.

He nods smirking then turns serious, his eyes lock with yours.

"When you were on the date it was driving me crazy. I can't just be friends with you sweetheart, I want more"

After a shitty night hearing this is like a dream.

"You mean it Eddie?" he nods, his thumb circling over your fingers. Sparks and tension comes off the both of you in waves.

Fuck, you so badly want to kiss him.

"I've never wanted anything more sweetheart, I adore you. I've falling for you, hard"

Eddie kisses you. You've been waiting for so long for this to happen and now that it is you can't believe it.

You kiss him back with equal fervour and he smiles against your lips.

"I'm gonna love you forever sweetheart"

Maybe happy endings weren't just for fairtytales after all.

♥️

[sasori-rp]

Do's and Don't's with Hate-Comments

In the wake of recent events, I was inspired to create this blog as a guideline for all those who struggle with this. I'm sure many of you (if not everyone) has received some form of hate in the past.

They come in the shape of anonymous asks, vicious comments, reblog rants and DMs and go far beyond this platform. It's important to share knowledge on how to deal with the situation in a healthy and mature manner, that allows you to preserve your mental health and sanity.

So without further ado, let's get into this, shall we?

Quick Info

Before we start with the Do's and Dont's I want to give you a quick disclaimer on what we're dealing with here. Keeping this in mind, will hopefully help you stay grounded and prepared.

People who send hate - we'll call them Haters for simplicity - are energy vampires. They're usually deeply unhappy people who lack self confidence and carry a lot of frustration in their hearts. This can be because they dislike how the world is evolving, because they get mistreated at home or simply because their hormones are overwhelming and they haven't learnt how to subtract their emotions when criticising something they disagree with.

When they send you hate, it releases adrenaline in their body, a so called kick that they use to vent their frustration. Anyone who has been angry in their life before knows, how satisfying it feels in the moment, to tell the other person how much of a dick we think they are. You probably also know the excitement of getting a reply (even a positive one) when reaching out to a celebrity, a blog or your crush for example. This feeling of excitement is what they look for.

The more vicious the comment, the better they feel when not only getting a reaction from you, but also safely getting away with it. Because truth be told, no hater has the courage to insult you in person. They're anonymous, so they don't have to face the consequences of their own actions. They're getting entertainment in the safety of their own homes, while you suffer.

So, what can we do about it?

Do

If the harrassment continues, block the user.

The first thing you should do when receiving a nasty comment, is delete and ignore. That is your default reaction. Your time and wellbeing is sacred. Do not waste your energy by interacting with them. Giving them attention will only increase their actions. Do not respond to them. Only exception: you can think of a genuinely hilarious, humorous answer to it. You're then using their hate and turn it into fun and play, making it a positive experience for you. (Dissing is not humour in this scenario)

Take a break and take care of yourself. Surround yourself with kind people, do something you enjoy. Don't allow it to consume you. Self Care is very important to staying balanced. Eat healthy, sleep well and don't overwork yourself.

Reach out to friends. Asking for help is human. Allowing your friends to comfort you, will help you feel less alone.

Reach out to a helpline. Sometimes we don't have someone to confide in. There are helplines where you can pour your heart out and get advice from.

If you feel that your mental health is deteriorating, seek help from a therapist. They can give you tools to navigate your feelings and will help you sort your inner battle out. Seeing a therapist is not a weakness; it shows you're willing to make an active change for your health. Props you you, I'm the first one cheering you on!

If the harrassment still continues and threats are made that make you genuinely fear for your safety, reach out to Tumblr Staff and/or the police.

Spread love and kindness. I cannot stress this enough: Do you want to know how to really combat hate? Be happy. Live your best life and create beauty. Give kindness to others and don't let someone's ill intent poison your own. It's that easy. Because nothing in this world disarms hate like genuine care and understanding, confidence in your own worth and awareness of your value.

Don't:

Don't try to justify yourself in response to them. Haters are not here to communicate and find a solution. They will not listen to reason; you can use your time for better things.

Don't insult them back. The argument will quickly spiral out of control. And this is the internet. Someone will use what you said against you. Don't let your anger dictate your actions

Don't post hate posts and rants talking about them. Don't post hate and rants in general. It feels cathartic in the moment, but it will bite you in the ass later. (It also, again, gives them much more attention that they deserve. Do you really want to be their entertainment?)

Don't do any of the above things to protect your friends, either. Friends are here to support you, to give you a shoulder to cry on and cheer you on. Not to tear others down. Regardless of wether they deserve it or not. It's going to backfire, trust me. Stand up for them, yes. Stand up for them by lifting them up, not by tearing down others.

Don't start bashing their account with hate in retaliation

-> Lastly, it's okay to make mistakes.

Don't tear yourself down over you being a human being and extend the same grace to others too. Apologising doesn't make you weaker, it shows that you're mature and willing to learn. And forgiveness is never about you forgetting what happened, but making peace with it; freeing your mind and heart from it, so you can move forward.

I hope this blog helps you make a difference for your life and that of others. Remember, you're a valid, worthy human being deserving of love and kindness. And so is everyone around you.

As always, my DMs are open for questions and discussions. Please try to not spam the comments too much, it gets confusing to detangle. I wish you all a lovely day/night💜

Thank you all for listening!

@izumi-uchiha-anon

@kisame-hoshigaki-rp

[sl-ut]

so i was reading your casual dominance hcs for college! abby and i thought it was so cute!! i cant find your rules so ignore this if you dont feel comfortable writing it- but you mentioned abby being protective over y/n if they did other drugs and i was wondering if you could write something about that- maybe the reader took something at a party or slipped up/how abby would help the reader thru withdrawal- the concept just stuck out to me cus pf my past and i was thinking “huh i wonder how abby would react to her partner doing drugs” especially because yk her dad is a doctor- but absolutely NO PRESSURE!! this is your blog and i understand if you’re uncomfortable writing stuff like that

love u hun<33

ofc!! i was hoping to expand on this at some point i just wasn't sure when. in regards of my rules, i don't really have any aside from (obviously) show respect to me and others on my blog and that i reserve the right to simply not write something if i am not comfortable with it.

WARNING: THIS BLURB CONTAINS CONTENT THAT MIGHT NOT BE SUITABLE FOR EVERYONE, INCLUDING MENTIONS OF DRUGS, DRUG ADDICTIONS, WITHDRAWLS, RELAPSING, AND BEING DRUGGED. PLEASE DNI IF THIS WILL TRIGGER OR MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!!!

more college!abby

abby makes it very clear early on in the relationship how she feels about drugs. she obviously does not use any sort of drugs aside from the single drink she allows herself at parties, seeing as she is a varsity athlete and came from a medical family. however, she does understand that y/n may not have the same feelings towards them.

she can understand the interest in the recreational use of weed. it was soothing and generally did not harm the body as drastically as any other drugs did so long as it didn't become something that they were reliant on. to be quite honest, if she hadn't been subjected to regular drug tests by her coach, she would probably partake herself.

she didn't mind when y/n chose to smoke some weed at parties with her friends, and she could honestly say that she enjoyed the nights when she would take a thc gummy before their weekly movie nights; y/n would just sit there and giggle away, and then would eventually become so handsy that abby had to force her to go to bed.

when it came to the hard stuff, though, that's when she got nervous. the thing was, she knew that she couldn't prevent y/n from doing anything, she could only warn her against it. she always would, and if y/n still decided to go ahead with it, she only asked that she let abby know beforehand and be safe. there were things she would take into consideration before she actually stepped in and didn't allow her to do something, such as how much she might have drank already, what kind of drug it was, and who was offering it.

one time, they were at a party and someone offered both of them some molly. of course, everyone knew that abby would decline, the offer was simply a courtesy. when y/n glanced up at her, abby only shrugged and told her that it was her choice, and even pointed out that she had only a few sips of her first drink. y/n agreed, taking the pill and anxiously waiting for the effects to kick in while abby ensured that no one would fuck with her when they finally did. it turns out, molly really is the love drug, because all she could do was slide her hands up and down abby's toned stomach while she scattered sloppy kisses across any exposed flesh she could reach. abby didn't mind it too much, but was definitely on guard for the remainder of the night to ensure that nothing happened to her girl.

the one time that y/n actually got drugged was a different story. she'd been a bit suspicious all night about that one guy that seemed to be lingering around. the campus pub was busy that night, and she hadn't exactly been concerned when y/n seemed a little tipsy; she was hanging out with abby's friends, and some of them weren't exactly welcoming, if you know what i mean (and yes, i will be expanding on this). she had been watching y/n from across the bar as she played darts with nora and mel, vaguely listening to manny's story about his most recent conquest when she noticed the quiver of her knees. she had furrowed her brows, watching closer as she gripped the wall, shaking her head slowly as mel touched her back in concern. abby was on her feet in a second as she watched her tumble to the floor, eyes rolling back in her head as she completely blacked out. she was concerned first and foremost, but anger took a close second; for a moment, it was aimed at y/n when she thought that she had gotten so drunk that she couldn't stand, and then because of how painfully obvious the situation was when nora noted that she hadn't even finished her first drink. after an overnight stay in the er and a very uncomfortable first phone call with y/n's parents, abby decided that she would not be letting y/n out of her sight in that kind of setting again.

if y/n were to have had issues with drugs in the past, i can picture abby having a tough-love approach when it comes to keeping her clean. obviously she understands that the process is not easy, but she makes it clear that she isn't willing to be with someone who cares more about drugs than her or their own life.

in saying that, she isn't going to take off when the going gets tough. if she can sense that y/n is getting stressed out or anxious enough that she might relapse, she'll comfort her in the best way she can. she offers her unconditional love and support from herself and will likely reach out to y/n's friends and family who know about her issue for support as well. she's not going to let her slip away so easily.

if the situation did happen to occur where she relapses, abby is there for her as well. if anything, she would probably feel some guilt for allowing it to happen without noticing the signs, especially knowing that relapsing would probably cause a complete mental breakdown for her. she had been so happy to finally get clean, and now she had to go through it all over again.

the withdrawls were the hardest part. she suffered with fevers, nausea, depression, etc, etc. abby did her best to help her through it, but would probably fold under the pressure of doing it alone and end up taking y/n back to her hometown. she would stay with her and her family for a bit, doing as much of her work online as possible, but the simple fact that she now had the help of y/n's family to help her cope was exponentially better than before. now all she could hope for was a smooth recovery, and for it to never happen again.

[one-annon]

Adam stanheight x fem reader pls? Anything works.

Ty!!! ♡

finally...finally finished this...i apologize so so much for the wait

i tried making it f!reader but it feels more gn!reader than anything...hope thats okay!

tw! ptsd/panic attack/nightmare sorta stuff

it had been about a month since your boyfriend was saved from that bathroom. according to him, the guy he was with came back. you knew he was lying. he had that same look in his eyes he gave you when he said he ate all his food he needed to for that day - or when he says he did, in fact, zip up his fly before you two left the house. it was a look that said 'im knowingly lying to you and i feel guilty about it'.

what he wasn't lying about, though, was his night terrors after. not only that but also his newfound fear of being alone and the dark. before, he wouldnt mind laying alone in bed in his dark room, cigarette in hand. but after he couldnt even handle the dimming lights of movie theaters, which restricted your movie date nights to being a home event. it frustrated you a few times, but you understood. it was a traumatic event you could never understand because you didnt experience it.

you didnt know how adam felt when he woke up gasping for air after a nightmare. usually, he would call you, ask you to stay on the phone with him for just for a little while. just until he calms down. he always sounded so broken, so utterly pathetic that it was hard to not take pity on him.

today though, was a little different. after major convincing, adam agreed to stay over at your house. you two had a great night - tasty dinner, a movie night (which included adam laughing as you screamed at horror movies), and even a bath together. adam always tried his best to be romantic. he may not have money, but he has a heart. that you know. right before bed, he had done your hair, carefully brushing the knots and tangles out and commenting about how gorgeous you were.

"im so lucky," he had said, running his fingers through a small section he had just brushed. "youre such a pretty lady - model material even! and i somehow scored you? i really dont know how that happened.."

you both went to bed happy, cuddled and warm in each others embrace. he was curled up, face hidden away from the world in your chest - his favorite place. you didnt mind, humming a soft tune as he wrapped his lanky arms around you. he squeezed you tight, holding his breath just long enough to where he could hear your heartbeat. quiet enough so he can hear that youre with him. that youre alive. he's not in that awful bathroom anymore - hes here with you in your bed.

the two of you fell asleep peacefully, the big blanket draped over you two helping with the cold of the room but the fan running above you kept you from overheating. everything was going so well. he was comfortable, you were comfortable. everything had gone just as it planned to be. you had your beautiful boy asleep, you were asleep. truly, it was one of the best days of your week.

you didnt dream that night. which, to be honest, you never really were one to dream. you knew adam was though. sometimes, when he had good dreams, he would tell you about them while you made breakfast (because lord forbid he step into the kitchen). sometimes he wouldnt be able to recall them and sometimes he would tell you about how, oh, his friend had taken him to a bar and there was such a pretty lady there that looked just like you and then he realized, oh it is you. and he was so happy to see you because, oh, him and scott were so wasted and, oh..is breakfast already done?

then there was the times he had bas dreams. like tonight. again. you woke up to him shaking so hard you, just for a moment, thought he was seizing or something. taking a good look at him, you realized that wasnt the case. his eyebrows ere tightly knitted together, lips parted as he muttered to himself about wanting to live, soft gasps slotting themselves between his quiet begs. your shirt that he was still gripping was wet with his tears.

glancing over at the clock, you squinted as you tried to read what it registered the time to be. 2:36 am. okay. cool. whatever. you sigh, rubbing your hand up and down adams back to try and wake him up or lull him out of whatever bad dream had a hold on him tonight and back to restful sleep. you swore to yourself, pinching at the bridge of your nose to try and keep yourself awake.

by this point, you were going to call adams brother specs to see if he has some fuckass demon holding him down. you knew that wasnt it. well, there were no physical demons.

you knew who his demons were. he could perfectly describe them to you and one of them you knew personally. blonde, tall, divorced. you had seen him around the hospital you had grown to know thanks to adam. the boy seemed to panic at the very mention of the oncologist, rambling and sobbing while he told you how the man was supposed to come back and save him.

you knew he didn't. adam had told you the gruesome details about how he had to eat someones body - cannibalize someone - just to survive. you tried to take him to a therapy group you had read about full of other jigsaw survivors but he couldnt go. not when he saw that blonde man limp his way into the room. not when he saw how calm he was as he sat down. you remember waiting in the car, hoping everything went alright. but when adam slammed the door closed and begged you to drive off before the session was even done, you knew it was useless.

so now here you were, trying to comfort his sleeping form. at some point, the dream had shifted. he was moving around in his sleep, either grabbing at you or at his foot. his broken foot. adam had totally shattered his foot to escape the bathroom. apparently, he didnt have the guts or the materials to cut his leg like that demon of his did, but he had the toilet lid next to him. if it was heavy enough to kill the man he cannibalized, he said, it was heavy enough to free him.

adam kept his grip on you. he kept muttering to himself. he kept crying. he looked so pathetic. he was such a mess. you just wanted to go back to sleep.

frustrated and tired, you shook him awake. "adam.." you whispered, fighting how heavy your eyelids were. "adam, wake up.." your voice seemed to coax him out of his sleep, a sharp gasp escaping him. he shot up, cold sweat running down his neck as his lungs worked overtime to get air into his body. you were quick to hold him. "cmon..its okay.." you mutter, too tired to fully process that he was trying to dig his way under your skin with his blunt nails.

adam heaved, trying to focus on your voice. he choked out words you couldnt process. knowing him, he was probably apologizing again. you carefully wrapped your arms around adam. enough pressure for him to feel your presence and hopefully bring him back to you, but not enough pressure to suffocate him.

"youre safe, baby.." your voice was right next to his ear. slowly, he relaxed. the boy came back to reality, letting himself go limp in your embrace. he rested his head on your shoulder, turning in a way where his nose was buried in your neck. adam held onto your upper arms, making sure you were still there with him.

you could feel how he stopped breathing. he had to make sure you were still breathing yourself. he had to make sure your heart was still beating. he had to make sure you were alive. adam's hands trailed down your arms until they slipped off, kneading at the bedsheets. he was home. he was safe. those bruised hands patted around, made sure that the lid wasnt around. that the body he had to tear his teeth into wasnt still rotting near him.

eventually, he calmed down. adam refused to separate himself from you. you refused to let him go. a yawn escaped past your lips and you knew it was time to go back to bed. turning your head, you looked at the clock again. 3:27 am. fuck, had it really been that long? time felt like it was going by so quickly. maybe it was because you were tired. you had no sense of time at the moment.

really, that didnt matter. you were here with adam. adam was here with you. his cold hand reached up and played with your hair, reminding himself you were here. you moved him so he was lying back down, his eyes watching you closely as you joined him on the mattress. he continued to stare at you, big sad eyes locking with yours. you smile at him. he smiles back the best he can. it was sad. a sad smile. you hated seeing that one.

"better?" you ask, voice just barely there and heavily laced with drowsiness.

adam nods, his hand resting on top of yours. "yeah..better..im sorry."

you shake your head just slightly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "none of that. not now." you squeeze his hand gently, letting him shift ever so closer to you. adam hides right under your chin, nose stuffed in the dip of your collarbone. he was safe. he was loved. he was saved. you were his angel. you helped ward off the demons. you helped get the bad thoughts out of his head. you helped him.

as much as it frustrated you, you were adam's savior. and you were okay with it. as long as it meant you got your precious boy the other times his nightmares didnt have him. his fingers, which were still carding through your hair, froze. his breathing slowed and his body seemed to melt into the bed. finally, finally, you were able to relax. you held the other close, making sure he was asleep before heading back to bed yourself. you two could chat about whatever nightmare he had while he made breakfast. ><><><><><>< haha its 2 30 am