#i still maintain that ultron was the worst avengers movie
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
In Q3 of 2020, 31% of US users access the Tumblr app daily.
Note
just watched endgame (for the first time, so i know what canon i will reject in the future) and I gotta say: all those fancy ass weapons and bucky with his regular assault rifle? we love to see it
bucky and his regular assault rifle is the duo we deserved and i’m bitter that we didn’t get to see more of it (tbh there wasn’t much about endgame that i cared for besides bucky and his rifle and steve + mjölnir)
#i still maintain that ultron was the worst avengers movie#like it was painful to watch#endgame was fun to watch at least but it just. wasn’t memorable#and ofc steve going back to peggy was just so not it#and old man steve? no rights at all#like bro u went back to a time where u could have saved ur best friend from being tortured for 70 yrs#but instead u decide to go get some coochie u barely knew from a million years ago? that ain’t it chief#anyway those r my endgame feelings thank u for coming to my ted talk#ask#teenytinierlion
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
do you think you could list out like the titles of the different sections/acts with their corresponding films/when they take place? sorry if this is like a lot i just find a lot of comfort in the fullness of the mcu and i would love to see kind of like an what the mm universe looks like ? sorry if this is weird rip
Not weird at all omg!! I’ve been meaning to post something like that! Just a heads up, the MMCU is...slightly less cinematic than the canon MCU, as a lot of the original plotlines I imagine as comics or graphic novels.
Guide
Format
So the format for this list goes like
Fic Title | MMCU Title | Media Type
For example:
Out of the Woods | Black Widow: Out of the Woods | Movie
Means that the fic is called Out of the Woods, but if the MMCU were canon, it’d be a movie called Black Widow: Out of the Woods
If the MMCU Title is followed by (Canon) that means the fic correlates to a canon piece of material, as opposed to an original plotline. For example:
Battle Royale | Avengers (Canon) | Movie
Means that the fic Battle Royale corresponds to the Avengers, and largely follows the canon plotline of that arc.
An asterisk at the beginning, and only one title, means the movie exists in the MMCU, but happens as it does in canon, with no OC interference. Example:
*Black Panther | Movie
Means there’s no corresponding fic or replacement fic for that movie (...yet), but that it still takes place within the MMCU canon. Note that I’ve only done this with movies; suffice it to say that aside from Agents of SHIELD, all MCU-based TV series are MM canon; if they aren’t listed, it’s just because I have no OCs or non-canon plotlines for them. Same goes for Marvel Shorts. As for canon tie-in comics, I haven’t read enough of them to decide which ones are MM canon or not; once I’ve read them all I’ll update this list accordingly if necessary.
Other Notes
The list is of all fics, in chronological order, so ones that don’t focus on Leila’s arc have been marked as spin-offs. They still take place in the MMCU, and they’re placed in the list according to when they take place, they’re just not Leila-focused. (If there’s interest, I might do another version of this list organized by when things are released, rather than chronological order, EG Captain Marvel would be part of Phase 3 instead of Phase 1, Black Widow: Family Business would be listed after Endgame, etc.)
The first fic (The Kindness of Strangers, aka the first two chapters of MM on ffnet) is weird because I see it being split, with one chapter being told as a marvel short and the second one being told as a tie-in comic, with the very last scene of Leila being sent by Fury to recruit Steve also existing as a post-credit scene for CA:TFA.
Some of these I haven’t come up with titles for yet, so I just put working titles or descriptors. AKA “Untitled AoS Replacement Fic” is obviously not called that, it’s a fic that I haven’t titled yet that serves as a replacement for Agents of SHIELD in the MMCU.
Finally, this is all subject to change, I’m still ironing out a lot of things--for example, I may make an OC for Ant-Man, and I might go back to using MCU’s Spidey. We’ll see. (I may release a variation on this list as to what the MMCU looks like with MCU Spidey as opposed to TASM Spidey.)
Without further ado, here is the MMCU as I currently imagine it!
Mirror, Mirror Cinematic Universe
PHASE ONE
Captain America: The First Avenger | Movie
Has a post-credits scene that corresponds to the last scene of TKOS, in which Nick Fury assigns Leila to recruit Steve to help find the tesseract
Untitled Captain Marvel Fic | Captain Marvel | Movie
The OC doesn’t appear anywhere else, but they’re important to Leila’s story. (Hint: It has to do with the Patrice Joh mystery.)
The Kindness of Strangers ch. 1 | Recruitment Day | Marvel Short
Note: despite taking place about ~4-5 years before the events of The Avengers, this short is only released shortly before the movie, as a way to build up hype.
*Iron Man | Movie
*The Incredible Hulk | Movie
*Iron Man 2 | Movie
*Thor | Movie
The Kindness of Strangers, ch. 2 | Royal Engagements (Prelude to Marvel’s The Avengers) | Tie-In Comic
The Kindness of Strangers (Last Scene) | N/A | Post-Credits Scene (CA:TFA)
Battle Royale | The Avengers (Canon) | Movie
-
PHASE TWO
Queen’s Gambit | Captain America and Snow White: Queen’s Gambit | Graphic Novel
Original plotline. Leila, under Fury’s orders, tries to recruit Steve to join SHIELD as a STRIKE agent, and it leads to her and Steve solving a mysterious series of bombings together.
SPINOFF: Untitled AoS Replacement | Agents of SHIELD | TV Miniseries
Basically takes the place of AoS as a post-Avengers show about Coulson’s SHIELD team, but with a whole different (but equally diverse) cast. Runs until it ties in with Operation: Glass Coffin.
Castle Walls | Captain America and Snow White: Castle Walls | Graphic Novel
Original plotline. Carries on from Queen’s Gambit as Steve, now a SHIELD agent, and Leila try to solve the loose threads from the QG case.
*The Amazing Spider-Man | Movie
Sparks Fly | Captain America and Snow White: The Forest Through the Trees | Graphic Novel
Original plotline. Fury has allowed Leila to handle Gifted cases between STRIKE missions. Together with Steve, she embarks on a simple extraction mission that ends up uncovering a sinister conspiracy in a small town, the two of them growing closer in the process.
Royal Flush | Captain America and Snow White: Royal Flush | Graphic Novel
Original Plotline. SHIELD has tracked down the missing copy of their server from QG and CW, and it’s Leila’s job, with the help of Steve, and two new allies named Isabella Ferreira and Mena Desai, to go undercover to get it back. Unfortunately, this involves fake dating a nouveau riche silicon valley douchebag, which wouldn’t be so bad if there wasn’t someone she wanted to date for real. Maybe. Kind of. Probably not. But...
Codename: Snow White | Codename: Snow White | Movie
Original Plotline. Leila must face her past as old enemies try to draw attention to her biggest mistakes to undermine her status as an Avenger, in full view of her new allies and friends.
The Reckless and the Brave | Iron Man 3 (Canon) | Movie
Untitled Thor: TTD Fic | Thor: The Dark World (Canon) | Movie
The Miller’s Daughter | Snow White: The Miller’s Daughter | Graphic Novel
Original Plotline. Steve doesn’t know about Leila as much as he thinks he does. It turns out, Leila can keep secrets other than her own.
Untitled TWS Prelude Fic | Marvel’s Captain America: The Winter Soldier Infinite Comic (Canon) | Comic
Untitled TWS Fic | Captain America: The Winter Soldier | Movie
SIEGE Team Alpha | Snow White: Agent of SWORD | Graphic Novel
Original Plotline. While Steve, Sam and Natasha choose to stay behind, Leila takes Fury up on his offer to go to Europe, searching for answers about her healing factor. However, with a kree serum running through her veins, she rapidly begins to lose her grip on her life.
SPINOFF: Midwinter | Midwinter | TV series OR comic series (I haven’t decided)
Original plotline. After breaking free of Hydra, Bucky gives himself one more mission: save the girl he once condemned to his own fate. After jailbreaking Anya Maximoff, the two of them embark on a mission to explore their pasts and their futures, blowing up a few Hydra bases along the way. Bucky/OC.
SPINOFF: Out of the Woods | Black Widow: Out of the Woods | Movie
Original plotline. After the fall of SHIELD, Natasha discovered what she’d intentionally buried even from herself: her younger sister, Alexandra. Angry at a world that should have protected her but didn’t, Alex chooses to disappear after TWS, leading Alex to go after her...with some help. Brucenat pre-relationship, OC/OC.
SPINOFF: Untitled GotG Fic | Guardians of the Galaxy | Movie
Original plotline. Banished dragon princess meets Stark-worshipping Nova Corps officer. What could possibly go wrong? OC/OC.
*The Amazing Spider-Man 2 | Movie
Operation: Glass Coffin | Operation: Glass Coffin | TV Miniseries
Original plotline. A very unstable Leila finally finds what she’s been looking for for her entire adult life: a way to erase her own memories. Only, it turns out, once her memories are gone, something else takes their place…
Untitled OGC/AoU interim fic | Untitled | Comic Series OR Graphic Novel
Original plotlines, or perhaps a series of plotlines. Steve and Leila grow closer as Leila helps with the search for Bucky, and Steve helps her recover from her ordeal from O:GC.
Untitled AoU Fic | Avengers: Age of Ultron | Movie
*Ant-Man | Movie
-
PHASE 3
Domestic Politics | Show White and Captain America: Domestic Politics | Graphic Novel Series
Original plotline, or series of plotlines. Leila and Steve, the two worst equipped people to be in an adult relationship, figure it out together.
SPINOFF: Untitled Defenders Fic | Daredevil | TV Series
The one where Leila’s former lackey goes head to head with Matt Murdock in more ways than one. Also, Matt has a sister, because I have a brand to maintain. OC/Matt/OC OR Matt/OC, Frank/OC, also Foggy/OC.
Under Siege | Snow White: Under Siege | Movie
Original plotline. When the Sokovia Accords threaten to rip the Avengers apart, Leila sees one solution: legitimize SWORD as an intelligence agency by stopping a war between two small but significant European countries. Easier said than done when two fugitive ex-Hydra assets get involved.
*Doctor Strange | Movie
Everything is the same except the Ancient One is played by Dichen Lachman.
SPINOFF: Untitled GotG2 Fic | Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 | Movie
SPINOFF: Untitled Alex Fic | Untitled | TV Series OR Graphic Novel Series OR Comic Series
In the aftermath of the Under Siege debacle, Alex is one of the Avengers who is able to escape going into hiding. Instead she has her own adventures, from assisting Tony Stark with missions to mentoring Peter Parker and his friends.
SPINOFF: Untitled Luna and Haven Fic | Untitled | TV Series OR Graphic Novel Series OR Comic Series
The one where Peter Parker falls in love with former villain Haven Hendrix, and Luna Li falls in love with current villain Harry Osborn.
Untitled Cap 3 Fic | Captain America: Insurgence | Movie
Original Plotline. Serpent Squad maybe? Mostly character driven more than plot driven.
SPINOFF: Family Business | Black Widow: Family Business | Movie
Technically corresponds to Black Widow (2020). Since in the MMCU it’s the second BW movie, it would have a subtitle.
SPINOFF: Dancing With Our Hands Tied | Thor: Ragnarok | Movie/Graphic Novel
A large part of this fic takes place in the six week gap between Loki and Thor’s arrivals on Sakaar. (In canon, it was three weeks; here, it’s six.) As a result, Alex would be present in the movie, and what happened between her and Loki would mostly be told through implications in the movie, until the graphic novel came out and explored those six weeks more thoroughly.
*Black Panther | Movie
*Ant-Man and the Wasp | Movie
Untitled IW Fic | Avengers: Infinity War | Movie
Untitled IW/EG Interrim Fic(s) | Untitled | Comics
A lot can happen in five years.
Untitled EG Fic | Avengers: Endgame | Movie
Daylight | Snow White and Captain America: Daylight | Comic
Just a oneshot or two covering Steve and Leila’s Happily Ever After.
Other Story Elements
There are other stories here that I’m not sure what to call or how to structure. I want to explore the Avengers Academy that eventually gets established after Endgame; the aftermath of Endgame for Loki and Alex; Bucky and Anya’s eventual own HEA; Jace Barton’s character arc and romance with Pietro Maximoff; and a few other post-EG plotlines. I’ll keep reworking this outline as needed. In other words, this is very much a work in progress, but it’s what I have right now. The main Leila/Steve storyline is largely in tact, it’s just other characters that I’m still ironing out.
6 notes
·
View notes
Link
They really don't say anything to Scarlett Johansson. She may be the star of "Black Widow", but that doesn't mean that she has any idea when the movie trailer will be released. You may remember that we had a first surprise glimpse of "Black Widow" earlier this week. And when we say early, we mean early. Tuesday, our story was published just before 2 a.m. The trailer fell late Monday without fanfare or advance warning, and Johansson told Stephen Colbert Thursday evening that even she didn't know it was going to happen. "I woke up and received a text from Chris Evans saying," The trailer is superb. "I don't know what he was doing at 5 a.m. It's another story. Yeah, getting up, of course," she said, responding to Colbert's joke. haven't said it! They hide everything from me. " Also read: 'Black Widow': Natasha Romanoff has a family reunion and kicks ass in the first trailer for Marvel Prequel (Video) Johansson was on "The Late Show" to promote "Marriage Story", which she performed with Adam Driver, aka Kylo Ren from the "Star Wars" trilogy. So Colbert asked if she had any idea who would win a fight between Kylo and Natasha. She didn't have a lot of response, nor about the details she was allowed to say about "Black Widow", other than the fact that it was between "Captain America: Civil War" and "Avengers: Infinity War ". Johansson says the film is a "homecoming" in which Natasha must now face some of her guilt over the things she did before becoming revenge. However, fans wondered why a solo film, Black Widow is not an origin story that goes back to its training beginnings in Russia, and she explained why this story was better. "I could never have made this film 10 years ago when we had just started our journey with Marvel. It’s a film that speaks so much… the character informed this film. My trip with Natasha informed this film. She’s a character who’s a fully recognized woman. It has a complexity that it is delicious, "said Johansson. "Not to say it would have been something else or totally entertaining in 10 years, but we can do things that are good." Also read: Review of the film 'Marriage Story': Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver split up in the devastating drama of Noah Baumbach Colbert also had another theory to direct by her: that it was Johansson's last go-around as "Black Widow". Here is why: it is his eighth appearance because the character and the spiders have eight legs. Can't it be a coincidence? Of course, Stephen. Check out Johansson's appearance on CBS "The Late Show" above. All 23 Marvel Cinematic Universe movies ranked, from worst to best (Photos) No one on the Internet wants to talk about the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but it's something we simply can't continue to ignore. But seriously: even if this seemingly unstoppable franchise has rabid fans around the world, nobody can agree on those they prefer (or at least, for that matter). TheWrap film editor-in-chief Alonso Duralde gets into the subject - and no, he's not paid by anyone at Disney to love (or hate, for that matter) any of these films. wonder 23. "The Incredible Hulk" (2008) Released just five years after Ang Lee's "Hulk", this second attempt to make a man a leader in the great green creature radiated by Gamma proved just as disappointing. If we've learned anything from the Avengers movies, it's that Bruce Banner works best when he's a supporting character (and when he's played by Mark Ruffalo). wonder 22. "Ant-Man" (2015) Although this film deserves to be rewarded for not having put the fate of humanity at stake - the stakes are more than the size of a child's train - the stabs to the humor of the film seem to be overestimated , and little natural charm from Paul Rudd comes to the fore in what should be a breezy caper. We can only wonder what the original version of Edgar Wright might have looked like. Disney / Marvel 21. "Thor" (2011) Director Kenneth Branagh tackles the the-and-thou of Asgard's segments, but the little town where the pinnacle is played out has been one of the most cheesy fake towns on the screen since the terrible movie "Supergirl" in years 80. On the positive side, actor Chris Hemsworth shows a scintillating spirit in this adventure of the god of thunder, coupled with an impressive musculature. wonder 20. "Iron Man 2" (2010) The best MCU movies do a good job of distracting you from all the setup of future franchise entries; this one offers so much empire building that it might as well have a "Pardon Our Dust" sign on it. Still, Scarlett Johansson's first appearance as Black Widow, dispatching opponents down the hall, made an unforgettable impression. Disney / Marvel 19. "Captain America: the first avenger" (2011) Just like he did in "The Rocketeer", director Joe Johnston excels at portraying the brilliance of the 1940s, although the characters are not as vivid as the USO sparrow. But fear not, true believers - the screen adventures of Cap have improved a lot in his later solo and team movies. wonder 18. "Thor: The Dark World" (2013) Firmly average, yes, but an improvement over its predecessor and a good time, skillfully balancing superheroes, second bananas, entertaining villains and the occasional killer one-liner. In no way a cornerstone of the MCU, but this one, mainly, works. Disney / Marvel 17. "Iron Man 3" (2013) Director and co-writer Shane Black doesn't always have the narrowest understanding of history - what is the infamous Extremis still doing, and why? - but he shows his skill in witty jokes (which Robert Downey, Jr. can make within an inch of his life) and breathtaking action (a flight rescue of a dozen passengers who have just fallen from Air Force One). Disney / Marvel 16. "The Avengers: Age of Ultron" (2015) It's always fun when the group comes together, but it's also hard to rediscover the magic of this first time. This sequel offers a lot of excitement and banter scripted by Joss Whedon, but it's also a bit overloaded with characters and support setups for the next MCU movie series. Both fans and enemies of superhero movies can find arguments for their arguments here. Disney / Marvel 15. "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2" (2017) The group is back together, and they are as hilarious as when they first came out, but overall, this sequel gives the impression that it is only vamping (entertaining) until the next major change of the intrigue in the MCU. Kurt Russell appears as Ego the Living Planet, who claims to be the long-lost father of Peter Quill / Star-Lord (Chris Pratt), and although the film is more concerned with character and emotion than intrigue , not all the movement the moments ring true. Disney / Marvel 14. Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) This sequel has a better idea of his own stupidity than his predecessor, as Ant-Man (Paul Rudd) and The Wasp (Evangeline Lilly) flee the Feds, fight the phased-in ghost (Hannah John-Kamen) and thwart plans of a gangster (Walton Goggins), while planning a rescue of the mother of The Wasp (Michelle Pfeiffer) from another dimension. Feels more Disney - in the sense of Kurt-Russell-as-Dexter-Riley - than Marvel, but still fun. Disney / Marvel 13. Captain Marvel (2019) Both the personal development and the retro of the 1990s are played with a fairly heavy hand, but it's a lot of fun to have here, Brie Larson's heroine, both bubbling and haunted - nothing like amnesia to spice up another story of origin - to one of the biggest feline bananas in the history of cinema. 12. "Avengers: Infinity War" (2018) It's a little difficult to judge this one on its own merits, because it is clearly a half-film; we will not really know how this film will materialize until we have the sequel. But in the meantime, he does a pretty impressive job of juggling some 25 major MCU characters and keeping his sense of humor even in the face of mass destruction (and intense scenes involving torture and genocide). Disney / Marvel 11. "Avengers: Endgame" (2019) You get all the T-crossing and I-dotting required at this point in the game, but the capper for the first piece of the MCU saga is a mostly satisfying season finale that offers rare moments of catharsis among moments of entertaining characters. which will cause laughter and maybe even a few tears. Disney / Marvel 10. "Spider-Man: Far From Home" (2019) This second outing from director Jon Watts and leader Tom Holland maintains the lark tone and focus on the characters that make these films feel like such a unique corner of the MCU. This time, the post-snap (or "blip", as the film says) Peter Parker and his friends are heading to Europe in a film that looks like a road comedy that sometimes blows up some superheroes. Disney / Marvel 9. "Thor: Ragnarok" (2017) Director Taika Waititi ("Hunt for the Wilderpeople") strikes a delicate balance between breathless action and the fate of the universe on the one hand and ironic stupidity and catchy jokes on the other. Fortunately, he has Chris Hemsworth, who excels in both, surrounded by spirit like Tom Hiddleston, Mark Ruffalo and franchise beginners Tessa Thompson, Jeff Goldblum and a glorious Cate Blanchett. Disney / Marvel 8. "Captain America: Civil War" (2016) The plot and the pace aren't as tight as in "Winter Soldier", but if you're looking for somber human conflict and exciting superhero-on-superhero action, this movie does a lot of good as "Batman v. Superman : Dawn of Justice "did wrong. Disney / Marvel 7. "Iron Man" (2008) It all starts here - a story of superhero origins for literalists who cannot hide behind explosive planets or radioactive spiders. Jon Favreau, then most famous for directing "Elf" and writing and co-starring in "Swingers", seemed a strange choice for the material, but he knows how to give us the two characters (played by Downey and Gwyneth Paltrow with plume) and ka-blam. wonder 6. "Black Panther" (2018) While the titular African superhero king of Chadwick Boseman takes something from a back seat to a troika of fascinating female characters - played by Lupita Nyong'o, Danai Gurira and Letitia Wright - the film nevertheless overflows with excitement and of a rich history. (And Michael B. Jordan's Killmonger ranks among the franchise's biggest villains.) Disney / Marvel 5. "Spider-Man: Homecoming" (2017) Less motivated by guilt and haunted than previous versions of the character (on the page or screen), Tom Holland's Spider-Man has enough on his plate to manage his superhero growing pains. Hungry to join The Avengers but still struggling with everything he has to learn - he's only 15 years old after all - our hero faces the evil blue collar The Vulture (well Michael Keaton, Birdman) in a funny adventure all by presenting real challenges, formidable characterizations and a wonderfully detailed cast. (You must love a teen movie that works for Zendaya, Tony Revolori, Abraham Attah and Josie Totah, as well as scene-robber newcomer Jacob Batalon.) Sony / Marvel 4. "Doctor Strange" (2016) It would be too easy to ridicule the master of the mystical arts on the big screen, but director Scott Derrickson and his team somehow gave us a version of the surgeon-turned-magician, Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch), who seems at ease in the real world, rubbing shoulders with the Avengers and crossing tripping and dazzling dimensions where no one else could go. 3. "Guardians of the Galaxy" (2014) Pleasant, casual and steeped in the super hits of the 70s, this comic adventure is something of an outlier - both tonal and geographic - in the Marvel universe. Yet whether Rocket Raccoon and Black Widow intersect or not, this saga that covers the stars reminded us that there is more than one way to tell a story about superheroes. Disney / Marvel 2. "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" (2014) Aggressive patriotism meets anti-government paranoia in this fascinating tale that pits the captain against labyrinthine plots. It also turns out that Steve Rogers is much more interesting in time travel in the 2000s than firmly at home in the 1940s. And you will believe that the Falcon can fly. Disney / Marvel 1. "The Avengers" (2012) Still the gold standard of the MCU, this film reveals that Joss Whedon gets comics in their DNA, in the same way that Steven Spielberg and George Lucas were fluent in the language of serials in the "Indiana Jones" movies. Putting all of these heroes in one room (or helicopter, anyway) has produced tremendous results, although the success of the film has led to the all-superhero-all-time ethos of contemporary Hollywood. Disney / Marvel Previous slide Next slide TheWrap reviewer Alonso Duralde orders the MCU, including "Spider-Man: Far From Home" No one on the Internet wants to talk about the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but it's something we simply can't continue to ignore. But seriously: even if this seemingly unstoppable franchise has rabid fans around the world, nobody can agree on those they prefer (or at least, for that matter). TheWrap film editor-in-chief Alonso Duralde gets into the subject - and no, he's not paid by anyone at Disney to love (or hate, for that matter) any of these films. https://oltnews.com/even-scarlett-johansson-didnt-know-black-widow-trailer-was-falling-video-thewrap?_unique_id=5ea1a7409999e
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
WIG REVIEW: AVENGERS - ENDGAME
You guys can you believe I saw a Marvel movie within like 5 days of its release? I DID IT! AND NOW I CAN WRITE A LOT OF SPOILERS - READ ON ONLY IF YOU HAVE SEEN THIS 3 HOUR MARVEL OPUS TO ITSELF! But what about the wigs? OH GURL. LET’S DISCUSS.
We begin in the Mid-waste (I think?) where Hawkeye has been taking some time out of the fight and hanging by a sleeping tree, Bran-style (oh get ready for a lot of GoT crossover comments as I saw this right after the Battle of Winterfell episode and I might get my nerdy details conflated). Anyhoo, did you know that Hawkeye is married to Linda Cardellini? Is she just the supportive wife in everything? Side note: this fact might have existed in an earlier MCU movie. To be fair, I have seen MOST MCU movies (except Thor 2 and Spider-Man and I’m not correcting that) and only saw the other ones like once so I was going into this movie like most of America: vaguely confused about former facts and really exhausted about where this 3 hour movie was about to take me. ANYWAY, Hawkeye’s entire family vanishes like at the end of Infinity War and ugh I see what you’re doing Endgame: this movie is gonna be a BUMMER.
Iron Man of course lightens the mood with some cute banter with Nebula but also: they’re fully about to die in the space void and did RDJr lose a lot of weight or is this just that Marvel technology they used to make Chris Evans look spindly in the first Captain America? Anyway, things are looking BLEAK but then our girl Captain Marvel shows up and saves the day.
Back on earth, the Avengers are really bummed out about half the population being gone (but not so bummed out that ScarJo and “Best” Chris Evans haven’t taken some time to get haircuts - they look great!) But no time for hair maintenance talk: Brie Larson is ready to go back to space! Also her hair looks good! This movie was made before Captain Marvel and it looks like they just used her real hair and it’s so much better than her wig in that movie.
Anyway, to space! Wait, now Brie is wearing a wig. UGH. Dammit, space! However, I think this is ScarJo’s real blonde hair (a more natural look than her blonde bob wig seen in Infinity War) and what a long strange trip it’s been since Black Widow’s first perm to her mall hair in Age of Ultron and beyond. Thank the lord for this lewk.
So the (remaining) Avengers land on whatever planet Thanos is living on now and apparently he’s using old Avengers costumes as Scarecrows? Ok I know we’re supposed to hate this guy but he’s all for population control, gardens, AND now recycling are we sure we hate him? The Avengers definitely still hate him and after learning that he destroyed all the jewelry he spent all of Infinity War finding, they are PISSED. Thor is so pissed he kills him! Which is a super hot-headed thing to do and is basically as bad as “worst” Chris Pratt’s behavior with Thanos in Infinity War and will these alpha males ever learn??? How are they gonna reverse this whole half of the population missing thing now?
Spoiler (haha these are all spoilers!): THEY DON’T. FIVE EFFING YEARS PASS. And in real movie time, at least like 45 minutes? In which we’re supposed to believe that Black Panther (and other notable Avengers but mainly Black Panther) are going to remain dead. GET ON WITH IT MOVIE. Even more damning: Black Widow is now a sad sad lady making sad sandwiches alone and with THIS HAIR LEWK. I was so damn happy for ScarJo to be wigless and THEN THIS. WHAT IN OMBRE HELL. I think (?) what we’re supposed to think is happening here is that she’s so damn sad that she’s failed at hair maintenance and let her blonde highlights grow out into this mess? Here’s the thing, this wig is actually fine - it looks like real hair - but with A TERRIBLE DYE JOB WHY UGH.
Speaking of new lewks, ScarJo still skypes with the remaining Avengers (bless her heart!) and Captain Marvel went ahead and got THIS HAIRCUT WHAT. I guess the internet can stop talking about how much she needs a scrunchie? I think that this is actually truer to her comic book self but also is giving me all the Lilith Fair vibes (IN A GREAT WAY!) It is still a bad wig in a man wig way (the back taper is a mess) but you’ve gotta love the 90s gelled sideswept bangs for pure nostalgia.
Speaking of nostalgia! Ant-Man is back from the quantum realm and damn am I happy to see Paul Rudd (ALWAYS). He is shocked to learn that five years have passed while he was gone (this storyline is very Flight of the Navigator) and goes to find his now teenage daughter even tho he looks exactly the same (tho this would be true regardless - Paul Rudd doesn’t age). However, she’s all alone in her house with no Judy Greer or Bobby Cannavale in sight and does this mean they’re vanished or just not in this movie? Is this daughter being raised by Michael Pena now? Also why isn’t he there? EVERYONE IS IN THIS MOVIE I DEMAND ANSWERS.
So anyway, Paul Rudd is all: why don’t we just time travel through the quantum realm and get those damn jewels and fix this whole Thanos situation? Best Chris and ScarJo are in, but Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer are the real pros at this whole quantum realm thing but are definitely vanished (as is Evangelline Lilly) so they go find Iron Man since he’s smart, right? Unfortunately, he is now living in a cabin by a lake and has a daughter (mazel! but this is def gonna throw a wrench into the time travel thing). Also Gwyneth is around looking tanned and vaguely ginger. Her wig is basically a more expensive, highlighted version of Nicole Kidman’s wig in Big Little Lies which is to say: MUCH BETTER BUT STILL PRETTY SHITTY. There is also a “joke” (?) about Gwyneth reading a book about composting which I think was supposed to be a Goop dig but honestly: WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT THIS MOVIE IS ALREADY SO LONG CAN WE JUST GET TO SAVING BLACK PANTHER AND THE OTHERS?
Iron Man def is like: dudes I’m not time traveling - I’m gonna do this whole dad thing WHICH IS FAIR so they go find the like #5 smartest person they know: DR. HULK. There are no pictures of this (that I could find) but Bruce Banner is now living life just AS the Hulk (but not an angry one) so he’s basically a bulky green guy in glasses which is fine but where does he buy those huge cowl sweaters? Asking for myself. Also ScarJo finds Hawkeye in Tokyo being some sort of hooded vigilante with a fauxhawk and guyliner and jeez someone is not dealing well without Linda Cardellini.
Also not dealing well? THOR! #2 Chris is off in Asgard living life with the best supporting characters from Thor: Ragnarok (TAIKA WAITITI 4EVR) and LETTING HISSELF GO. Oh also, Tessa Thompson is there too being a fisherman (?!?!?!) even tho she’s an effing valkyrie how did she get this job?!?! But I have to give full credit to Chris Hemsworth for fully embracing the deglam life here and for the next several hours of this movie. DEGLAM THOR IS EVERYTHING.
However, the wig is obviously terrible. ZZTop beard aside, the wig is these weird dreadlock tendrels which I’m guessing Thor wouldn’t have had time to maintain between playing video games, drinking beer, and eating pizza. Side note: I was really disappointed that he wasn’t eating Billy’s Pan Pizza (Lisbeth Salander’s #1 food choice in Sweden through all of those terrible books) which I actually tried in Iceland once and spoiler alert: original flavor INVOLVES HAM. Just saying: the devil’s in the details. Anyway, Thor and Iron Man decide to give this whole time travel thing a try (why not?) AND YES ONCE REASSEMBLED, IRON MAN’S FIRST POINT OF BUSINESS IS MAKING A BIG LEBOWSKI JOKE.
Iron Man somehow whips up some time travel gps bracelet and holy shit all of the Avengers movies are literally about jewelry. Then it’s on to making some sweet new time travel suits, Hawkeye gelling up that fauxhawk, and away we go to the quantum realm! Nothing bad can happen!
First stop: the first Avengers movie! OH GOD I SEE WHAT THEY’RE DOING HERE. The MCU literally made a plot where they could journey back to all the other MCU movies like a greatest hits tour and THIS MOVIE IS ENDLESS. This also involves journeying back to the ghosts of wigs past AND GURL I’M SHOOK. I guess I have to give credit to the MCU for wig consistencies - these wigs are as shitty as the originals! - and I guess they saved a lot in the already nonexistent wig budget. Also TILDA EFFING SWINTON IS THERE. This cast, dudes. Dr. Hulk and Tilda have a whole Back to the Future (which they make fun of in this movie, btw and I wasn’t here for it) discussion about time travel that I pretty much zoned out on until Tilda was just like eff it: here’s the jewelry you want, you seem pretty chill now, Dr. Hulk.
Oh and Tom Hiddleston’s shitty Loki wig is back! Jesus Christ this wig. Also, Robert Redford is back? How do I not remember him being talked into the MCU?? Anyway, the jewelry Iron Man and Best Chris were looking for is DEFINITELY snatched by Loki so they have to figure out a new time travel scenario.
Oh and Best Chris and Iron Man totally made up after being at odds for the last 2-3 Avengers movies. Also what do we think the hairspray budget was for these two? There is also a LOT of talk about Best Chris’s ass in this movie (they literally refer to it as America’s Ass) and I feel like this could very much be its own movie with maybe some added Best Chris badass twitter wars. Just saying.
Meanwhile, back in olde timey Asgard circa Thor 2, RENE RUSSO IS BACK (also Natalie Portman LOLOL everyone is in these movies). However, Sir Anthony Hopkins is definitely not wasting time on this nonsense and: fair. Also omg this wig on Rene. GURL. I don’t know what GoT prostitute dayplayer they stole this from but regardless: it’s a mess. Also apparently, Rene is about to die (I didn’t see Thor 2) and Deglam Thor is a MESS about it (also still very much a drunken mess also). He almost effs up the plan by going and crying on his mom (don’t worry - Bradley Cooper in his best work to date as Rocket Racoon got the jewelry!) And Rene tells Deglam Thor it’s ok to not be who he’s supposed to be an just be HIM which is very good advice OMG I LOVE RENE RUSSO.
So speaking of parents, Iron Man decided to go find some Infinity Stones in the 70s where his dad, John Slattery is! Apologies for the quality of this picture - it’s the best I could do. Anyway, John Slattery was made for period piece witty repartee tho his man wig (like all man wigs) is a friggin’ mess. He and Iron Man have some fairly emotional dialogue despite the fact that John Slattery doesn’t know that he’s talking to his son and also someone refers to RDJr as Mungo Jerry so I was really down with this whole section of the movie.
OH AND MICHAEL DOUGLAS IS THERE (again apologies for photo quality). What Marvel does best is face deaging technology (I still demand this be used for more 80s movies Michael Douglas wasn’t able to make at the time) but what Marvel consistently does worse is: wigs, specifically man wigs. WOOF. Regardless, they got all the jewelry they needed from the 70s! Moving on!
Over in Thanos town (probably what it’s called), nice Nebula is reunited with her former shitty self and also her sister. Jeez this whole part of the movie is family reunions. Anyway, Gamora’s wig is still a Hot Topic mess. Also a mess: Nebula let Thanos into the whole time traveling jewelry snatching heist which will definitely ruin everything.
Meanwhile, over by the cliffs of sorrow (also definitely official name, probably), ScarJo and Hawkeye and their upsetting hair looks are trying to get that one piece of jewelry that can only be gotten with human sacrifice, which they somehow had forgotten since Infinity War when Thanos sacrificed Gamora to get it. Maybe they just weren’t that tight with Gamora and forgot this? Anyway, the most important thing is that ScarJo gave herself these highlight braids which make this whole look slightly better but it’s still really bad. Also bad: one of these characters has to die! In the end it’s ScarJo I think because she doesn’t have a Linda Cardellini to go back to (or 3 kids) but I don’t really like what the MCU is implying here about the value of single ladies but regardless: goodbye ScarJo and your wig! You are probably better than this whole mess anyway!
Anyway, all the (remaining) Avengers time travel back to present day (aka 2023 just go with it) and everyone is so stoked that they got all the jewelry but then bummed when they hear about ScarJo. Side note: I forgot to talk about Iron Man’s highlights and feathered lewk. It’s upsetting! Moving on! Linda Cardellini calls Hawkeye which means this whole time travelling thing worked and they brought back half the population and also most importantly probably Black Panther so go team! But before we can talk to Linda Cardellini, Thanos crash lands into the Avengers HQ AND DAMMIT NEBULA.
So then everyone is somehow transported (?) to Thanos town aka Fightsville which feels like a great place to probably die in the apocalyptic fight FOR JEWELRY. All the Avengers yet again suck at fighting computerized Josh Brolin aka Thanos and then he calls in all his evil space backup army and everyone is definitely effed. It’s a lot like the part in the Battle of Winterell when the Night King does a Nancy Pelosi clap and reanimates all the dead people to fight the living and Jon Snow cries.
It doesn’t even help when Deglam Thor gives hisself the most wild lightning based makeover. Seriously, he surrounds himself with lightning, gets those badass Total Eclipse of the Heart eyes, and somehow is able to use lightning TO GIVE HIMSELF A HALF UPDO AND BRAID HIS BEARD HAIR AND NO I’M NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP. The lightning fails to remove his beer belly and again: I’M HERE FOR #2 CHRIS COMMITTING TO THIS DEGLAM BODY. I don’t know the hows and whys of lightning makeovers - I guess it’s just restricted to hair. Which still looks like crap, beard braids or no. Moving on: Best Chris can somehow use Thor’s hammer now and did I miss something? I think it’s a Chris thing and I’m glad that everyone agreed that Worst Chris wasn’t invited to it. But also he’s not there. YET.....
BUT THEN. Dr. Benedict Cumberbatch who I definitely forgot about (and who has the most hilarious American accent) creates all his sparkler circles. Also his whole wig/goatee lewk is like that one adjunct professor you had who kept office hours at a coffee house and/or a part-time vampire. Anyhoo, he BRINGS. BACK. EVERYONE. Black Panther (and all of Wakanda!) Spider-Man! Guardians of the Galaxy! ETC! THE JEWELRY HAND CHANGED HANDS MANY TIMES. THERE WAS SO MUCH GOING ON. Everyone starts kicking ass but it’s still not enough until Captain Marvel and her 90s pixie cut show up and I swear to god all the lady Avengers made a protective barrier around her like the Lilith Fair is serious getting back together (I WISH!) It was all the ladies you love - Valkyrie on a flying horse! Wakandan warriors BUT NOT LUPITA BECAUSE US IS BETTER THAN THIS! Elizabeth Olsen in that terrible red wig! Kate from Lost! Gamora and Nebula I think! - plus also Gwyneth who I totally forgot had an Iron Man suit too but sure! It was a very girl power moment that almost worked but very did not. In a final moment we all saw coming since before Infinity War, Iron Man sacrificed hisself for the jewelry hand (also: humanity). Thanks for your service: the jewelry was saved! OH MY GOD THIS REVIEW IS SO LONG. Am I still writing this? Are you still reading this? THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
In the end, everyone is saved and reunited...to have a sweet funeral (apologies again for picture quality)! I shit you not: they gave Iron Man’s electric heart a viking funeral at his cabin. Really! And all the other prestige actors you weren’t sure would make it to this movie were there: Marissa Tomei in some sweet beachy waves! Michelle Pfeiffer in some not so sweet beachy waves but whatever: I’m always happy to see her! Michael Douglas! The Winter Soldier in his somehow shittier than Loki wig! That chick from How I Met Your Mother! Other people! Samuel L. Jackson! Oh and I think Iron Man’s daughter is now being co-raised by Jon Favreau? Ok! It was also a funerary co-production for ScarJo and I guess (?) Elizabeth Olsen’s computer boyfriend (aka Paul Bettany) who somehow wasn’t able to be revived by jewelry for reasons unknown. Oh and where the eff were Bobby Cannavale, Michael Pena OR GODDAMNED JUDY GREER I DEMAND ANSWERS!!!!!
SO THEN. Captain America has to go back in time to return the jewelry because Dr. Hulk promised Tilda Swinton and I still don’t get how time travel works in this movie. Also Dr. Hulk is still running the time travel machine even though the whole Ant-Man crew specializing in this technology are back but ok? It all goes great until Captain America returns IN OLD AGE MAKEUP WHAT. Turns out he took a detour to have a life and get married and huh? He then tells Anthony Mackie that he can be Captain America now - officially making the MCU America of 2023 on the level of real America in 2008 and I can’t believe they didn’t cut to a weeping Jesse Jackson (or at least Don Cheadle?) However, Deglam (still!) Thor makes Valkyrie the King of Asgard which officially makes MCU Asgard of 2023 definitely way better than the America of 2019 (yeah I went there) and then he decides to be a Guardian of the Galaxy which means we get to spend an agonizing 3 minutes with Worst Chris. Then they cut to the 1940s and a slow dancing Best Chris and Hayley Atwell and truly: if you can just time travel and be happy can’t we bring back all the dead Avengers too then? HUH? Whatever: THE END! Oh and there’s no post-credits scene but still watch the first like 5 minutes of credits to enjoy the truly mind boggling way that the MCU chose to credit the 5000 people in this movie. Are we please done with Avengers movies now?
VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ (BUT NOW I WANT A LIGHTNING MAKEOVER)
#avengers#avengersendgame#wigwurq#lightningmakeover#deglamthor#lilithfairreunion#MCU#RENERUSSO#WHEREISJUDYGREER#VikingFuneral
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
i've been scrolling through your blog for a bit and i just wanna say that i think that D.C. went through a rough stage a while back and marvel took full advantage of that shit and it sucks like DC could make the superhero movie of the century and people would be like :/ it's D.C. tho n not marvel while marvel can crank out some ass shit that they wrote in three days and as long as it has some "cool" actor people will praise that shit like it's fucking jesus himself in movie form n just ughhhhhh
I mean, I honestly don’t think DC’s had much of a rough stage since the unspeakably bad Burton-Schumacher Batman films of the 80s and 90s. Their film studio was just about dead after that and they tried to make a few other things happen but they just sorta fizzled at best and crashed and burned at worst. “Batman Begins” frankly revitalized the superhero genre and the Nolan series maintained relative consistency in terms of tone and story for the seven years it spanned.
The Nolan Batman movies were a catalyst for change in the genre for a couple of reasons, but the largest of them is that suddenly superhero movies were actually viewed as, like, legit movies and not just shallow popcorn films. DC and Marvel took two very different approaches to this.
DC doubled down on the Nolan series’ more grounded, human, artistic take on the superhero genre and tried to showcase their superheroes as flawed and vulnerable, which is great because it’s kind of their comics’ strong suit. Marvel went in the exact opposite direction and created movies that were outlandish fantasies-- and this is not a dig, outlandish fantasy is a hell of a lot of fun and it was necessary for them to establish a distinct identity that plays more to their comics’ strengths.
See, DC is more character-oriented and Marvel is more story-oriented. It’s why DC can basically have a whole graphic novel where Batman just sits around introspecting and have it be good, and why Marvel can tell a more compelling story about characters nobody’s ever heard of. When they try to take on the other’s strengths, you end up with something unwatchably bad, which brings me back to the subject of DC’s supposed “rough patch” and the quality double standard where DC delivering anything short of absolute perfection is marked as a miserable failure while Marvel can phone it in and still have people rave about their movies:
DC’s films, since the Nolan trilogy revived their film studio from the brink, has had exactly one major misstep, and it happened because they tried to emulate the success of Marvel’s smash success “Iron Man” in tone with the Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern film. Believe it or not, Man of Steel, Batman v. Superman, and Suicide Squad were all relatively successful films commercially and were enjoyed by most of their audience. The people who hated them were much louder and more obnoxious about it, but DC’s movies actually do have a passionate fanbase and they’re really only gaining more fans with each movie they release. Their one major flop was “Green Lantern” and the main problem with that is that most people aren’t gonna enjoy a faithful adaptation of Green Lantern comics because Green Lantern comics are by and large inaccessible
Marvel, on the other hand, produces more Misses than Hits. They’ve got some amazing films (Iron Man 1, Captain America, CA:TWS, Avengers 1) but they’ve also got a whole bunch of films that are bland and mediocre at best and soul-crushingly unwatchable at worst (Iron Man 2, Iron Man 3, Civil War, Age of Ultron, Guardians of the Galaxy, the list goes on but so many of their movies have been so forgettable I can’t be bothered)
So this sounds like I’m refuting your point, but I think it really says something that DC’s films are considered to have had a “rough patch” of one movie whose biggest fault is that it was mediocre compared to the more recent superhero fare of Iron Man 1 and The Dark Knight, while Marvel can produce hours upon hours of tangled inaccessible shlock that’s led to people being so fatigued by their universe that the most exciting thing a Marvel trailer can contain at this point is "indications that they’re finally going Off Brand”
Anyway yeah you’re right on most counts, specifically that Marvel’s early successes largely came from an attempt to distinguish themselves from DC’s most popular superhero films, which were very insulated in terms of continuity (Batman Begins and Superman Returns, for example, don’t reference taking place in the same world as one another) and people really liked Marvel’s movies having clear crossovers building to a team-up (Fury mentions the Avengers in “Iron Man,” Tony shows up in “Incredible Hulk,” Tony’s dad is in Cap 1, Natasha shows up in Iron Man 2, etc.) and there was a really satisfying payoff to that in “The Avengers”
The problem is that now every movie just tries to up the ante on that payoff and we get diminishing returns. Do you know how many superheroes need to be in a Captain America movie at all? One. Do you know how many superheroes played a major role in the plot of Cap 3? I count eleven off the top of my head, and that’s for a solo movie! By contrast, Avengers 1, a team movie with an ensemble cast, had seven superheroes playing a major role if you count Fury as a superhero (which IMO you should). And instead of trying to deliver something new in other films, they just keep trying to double down on “look how much continuity!” to the point where I’m honestly fatigued just looking at the poster for “Infinity War” because at my last count there were over two dozen main characters and ScarJo has threatened us with even more cameos and crossovers than that.
That’s one of the (many) reasons I’m looking forward to Black Panther. You know who I didn’t see in that trailer? Anyone from any other goddamn marvel movie other than Black Panther. It looks like they’re finally trying to deliver something new instead of just trying to deliver something that’s The Same But Louder.
Anyway point is you’re right that Marvel spent their first five years setting up a payoff and have spent the five years since delivering that payoff trying in vain to get lightning to strike a second time, and unfortunately their formula is treated as the scientific standard for superhero films to the point that making a movie that doesn’t adhere to that formula is seen as a failure for some ungodly reason
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
This AntiSocial Life: Top 10 Marvel Movies/Shows!
2017 represents the 9th year of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. To date we’ve received 15 movies and 6 TV shows with 5 additional shows on the horizon and multiple movies in the works. In some ways this soon to be decade long project has been one of the most fascinating and ambitious blockbuster projects in decades. In others it’s been a cynical money making factory that has made Hollywood cling onto terrible ideas to graft onto other superhero franchises (I.E. Amazing Spiderman 2, Batman vs Superman, etc.). Thanks in part to a close collaboration between Marvel’s producing team and some incredibly talented directors they have miraculously managed to keep a standard quality to their films that largely dwarfs competing blockbusters. Not every MCU film is great but the worst films and shows they have put forward have still accrued more devotion than their rivals ever could hope for. At this point it’s hard to say what will happen when they finally screw up so royally that they finally produce an outright terrible movie.
With all that said, i’d like to offer my personal take on my own rankings for my Top 10 Favorite MCU properties that I have viewed in full. For that reason Agents of SHIELD, Agent Carter, Luke Cage and Iron Fist will not be making the list as i’ve only partially viewed those shows in question. Obviously non-MCU Marvel films such as Spiderman 2, Punisher: War Zone, Deadpool or Logan aren’t eligible as they aren’t produced by Disney and aren’t considered canon.
Starting out, lets knock out the seven runner’s up. None of these are bad films but they fail in basic functional ways that keep them from being remembered or enjoyed fully for what they’re intended to be. In ascending order of preference:
17. Iron Man 2
16. Avengers: Age of Ultron
15. Thor: The Dark World
14. Incredible Hulk
13. Captain America: Civil War
12. Thor (2011)
11. Doctor Strange
Those aside, here are your AntiSocial Critic’s Top 10 Marvel Movies and Shows!
10. Ant-Man
Who would’ve guessed Ant-Man would wind up being one of Marvel’s most watchable and fun origin story movies. Penned by Action-Comedy master Edgar Wright and sadly dropped due to creative differences the best version of this film we could have had sadly doesn’t exist. It’s a shame of course that Marvel’s producer control is so strong but the film we did get wasn’t half bad. It’s a sweet redemption story and it’s wonderful for that!
9. AKA Jessica Jones
Marvel-Netflix has not been known for it’s consistently in it’s short three year run of shows. It’s second series based on the critically acclaimed Brian Michael Bendis comic Alias was one of the most thematically interesting things to pop up out of the MCU to date. With complex themes surrounding sexual assault and grappling with trauma as it’s driving force it created a something new that stands as a thoroughly unique show and much needed expression of the pain real people suffer at the hands of monsters.
8. Iron Man (2008)
What can be said of one of the slickest and most beloved blockbuster films of the past decade at this point? It’s becoming popular for fans to take relatively extreme positions on this film given the amount of time that’s pasted since 2008. The ending doesn’t quite work as it doesn’t meaningfully resolve any of the interesting story threads the movie had set up and tonally it feels the least fanciful of all the Marvel movies. After all this time however thanks to it’s wonderful character writing and great performances it still holds up as the perfect introduction to one of cinema’s newest favorite characters.
7. Captain America: The First Avenger
I wish this film had received a better fan reaction than it has. Inspite of it’s corny story and reliance on CGI i’ve long felt that this underrated gem has been the great under appreciated film of the MCU. Even now as it’s sequels have gone on to become international record breaking blockbusters (in countries that should have no affection for a character called Captain America no less) I find this charming little war drama to be one of the most consistently watchable things Marvel has ever done.
6. Iron Man 3
To all the people who sincerely hated this movie I sincerely request you to reconsider this film. I don’t get it. People make excuses for less than stellar films all the time as movies that “do something unexpected” and here we have a movie that actually does that to improve the story it’s trying to tell and everyone hates it. I get that everyone wants Marvel to do The Mandarin and now with Space Wizards introduced into the MCU I wouldn’t be surprised if they finally pulled the trigger they hinted at in All Hail The King and actually introducing him in a future movie. Regardlesss of all that Iron Man 3 is a masterpiece of action and comedy by the god of action comedy Shane Black. This guy is responsible for Lethal Weapon, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and The Nice Guys and this is the thanks we give him? Even if the film wasn’t a pitch perfect thematic send off that fits perfectly within the established tone and style of the preceeding Iron Man films i’d still be confused about the fan reaction.
5. Daredevil
There has been much criticism thrown as Marvel-Netflix for falling into the old traps of pre-MCU movies. The grim, down to Earth atmosphere and low budget feel for several of their shows evokes the sins of early/late Brian Singer’s X-Men or the original Daredevil movie. To some it suggested the same issues many of those films were faced with as producers didn’t take the material seriously and tried to adapt it in a “realistic” fashion while simultaneously throttling the budget. With Daredevil though that really isn’t the case. Evoking the grim, noir-ish atmosphere and ground level storytelling of Frank Miller’s legendary run on the character both seasons of Netflix’s Daredevil have been some of the most consistently interesting and fun shows to come out of the MCU. Drawing upon the traditions of martial arts cinema, courtroom drama and classic black and white detective thrillers the show weaves a tale of ethics, religion and poverty clashing as Hell’s Kitchen struggles to rebuild itself in the aftermath of the Battle of New York.
4. The Avengers
It’s strange how much this film at once retains one of the most respected heritages of any film in this franchise while still being close to falling into the reputation of a cliche as it’s brought up regularly. Five year’s after it’s insane opening that seemingly overnight shifted the gears in Hollywood that would change everything for better and worse that original film still holds up as a singular vision by legendary writer/director Joss Whedon. Even as it’s direct sequels Age of Ultron and Civil War struggle to maintain their reputations such a short time after their releases this original film ages with grace. This is a film I can stick on at any time and find myself engaged and drawn into. Who knows if the MCU will truly ever accomplish another team up movie as great as this one again but at the very least this first one is the best there is.
3. The Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Just three years after James Gunn’s wonderful little blockbuster hit theaters it remains one of the most quoted and beloved recent blockbusters to hit cinemas in years. I can’t count the number of references my friend and I have made from this film’s plethora of references. What else is there to say other than that this film is the miracle blockbuster that made a generation laugh and cry with just three words.
2. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
There’s something to be said for a genre film that is embodies itself perfectly. For the last three years i’ve debates hard with myself over whether this or Guardians of The Galaxy is the best Marvel movie and for now i’m going to say it’s this one. Sometimes a film isn’t great because it transcends it’s genre or perfectly parodies something the way GotG or even something like Deadpool does. The Winter Soldier however is a by far the best solo Marvel movie to date. At once a perfectly tuned action film and a beautiful unifying statement about the cost of freedom, the film represents what it truly means to be Captain America.
1. Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2
I hate to be THAT GUY and immediately jump on this film as the best in it’s franchise given how new it is. Having seen it twice now though I feel as though this truly does represent one of the best, if not the best, films in the MCU to date. People always compare sequels to The Empire Strikes Back because of it’s ubiquity but unlike most franchises that don’t understand what it means to be a sequel that consistently excellent. Vol. 2 understands that great stories begin and end with great characters and it spends it’s considerable screen time growing and breaking the Guardians worse than before. What’s left is a fascinating exploration of each character’s broken internal lives as they grapple with incredible loss. The story around Peter Quill’s estranged father ends up being one of the most emotionally impactful deconstructions on absent father figures and critiques on the idealizations of what true fatherhood is i’ve ever seen. Both times i’ve watched the film the last 45 minutes have hit me like a brick and drawn out some of the deepest emotions i’ve felt for a movie in a long time. Vol. 2 may not be perfect but it’s beautiful.
Thank you all for reading! if you would like to see more reviews, articles and podcasts lemme know by tweeting me at @AntiSocialCriti or commenting below. Also be sure to check out my review show The Fox Valley Film Critics!
Live long and prosper!
#marvel#guardians of the galaxy#captain america#winter soldier#avengers#daredevil#iron man#iron man 3#first avenger#jessica jones#ant-man#doctor strange#thor#dark world#civil war#hulk#age of ultron#iron man 2#agents of shield#agent carter#iron fist#luke cage#marvel cinematic universe
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
CanvasWatches: The Marvel Cinematic Universe
That’s right, I am reviewing the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe in a single, definitive essay! Why would I, a single, brave and foolhardy man dare tackle such a task?
Because I can’t actually be bothered to write about most of the films individually.
The usual reason I write these reviews is to shine a light on media that lacks a wide appeal and does something interesting with its storytelling. I want to write stories, and studying the works of others is a good way to do that.
Now, I like the Marvel Cinematic Universe quite a lot. There somethings I’d like to be done a little differently, and I do dislike how it’s becoming increasingly locked with continuity so you have to pretty much watch the whole thing as a 19-part film series, but it executes on its promises.
Point is, I watched Avengers: Infinity War after dedicating a significant amount of time catching up on the films.
I also realized that by ranking the films, you can get a good approximation on a person’s narrative preferences.
So I’ll give a quick blurb on the films before listing them.
So enough forwarding, let’s go through these films. Spoilers, obviously.
To be fair, there’s a rift part way through. I started my catch-up with The Winter Soldier, so it’s been years since I watched anything before that. I’ll mark the rift and preemptively admit that early films may deserve better than I give.
Iron Man
The film that started it all, much to everyone’s excitement. It’s probably the most conventional superhero film of the series, but it did it’s job very well.
The Incredible Hulk
The most forgettable film. Very little carried over from it, to the point that it might as well no longer be canon.
Iron Man 2
Starts putting the work into actually building the MCU, but the story itself is one of the weakest.
Thor
I actually really liked Thor. Seems to usually be considered one of the lesser films, but I liked the fish out of water narrative, Thor himself is very charismatic, and Loki remains one of the MCU’s better written villains.
It also begins to establish that Thor has the potential for strong comedy. Just takes them a while to finally realize the potential.
Really, my biggest gripe is the ‘Norse Magic is just highly advanced technology’ angle that poisoned magic for so long. I like fantasy, and I really like how Superhero universes throw genres into a blender to make a colorful Speculative Fiction smoothie. Let magic be magic!
Captain America: The First Avenger
The subtitle’s a bit egregious, but this is my favorite of the phase one films. Good period piece, good hero, and the Red Skull is a level of pulpy villain I want more of.
The Avengers
So I seem to be one of the few who think this film was just okay. A landmark of shared universe films, yes, but I found the story wanting. Just a bunch of set up to fight aliens in New York, but nothing I feel I could sink my teeth into. It’s fine.
Iron Man 3
Another unexciting film. Tony Stark keeps learning the same ‘be a better person’ lesson, and I’m tired of it.
The Mandarin Twist was killer, though. The sort of playing with lore the series needs to take advantage of. The films are… let’s call it a dusty slate. There’s a lot of toys to play with, and expectations for how to use them, but it’s a chance to take a deep breath and streamline things. Incidentally, racism is a great topic to iron out while we’re here.
Thor: The Dark World
Yeah, not even I can defend this one. I liked the set designs. But Christopher Eccleston is wasted.[1] The plot was muddy. Jane Foster[2] twisted the knife in the corpse of Asgard Magic.
I actually did want to give this movie a rewatch, but it wasn’t checked in to the library when I started the undertaking, and I recalled it being unimpressive in the theaters. Good opening fight scene, though.
The Rift (Oooh, scary)
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Not one of my favorites. Winter Soldier seems to be very well regarded, but both times I watched it, I found myself bored. It takes itself way too seriously for a Comic Book Movie, and it's very heavy on action scenes built around gun firing and punching that I don't enjoy.
The plot is built on a relatively subdued premise, questioning political corruption and monitoring the citizenry. There's also no grandiose villain.
Winter of Soldier fails to feel larger than life, and besides affirming Steve Rogers’ dedication to Bucky, it doesn't feel like it left much of an impact on the universe. So it falls short on my personal list.
Guardians of the Galaxy
Ah, finally, the movies are cutting loose. About time.
Guardians of the Galaxy is fun. Can't we just have fun? Yes. And we should.
Actual color design, fresh and exciting cast, fantastical setting, and actually making the bland villain work by having Ronan be essentially a force of nature instead of a person.
Also a soundtrack so distinctive it’s a calling card as good as Captain America’s shield. And it stands on its own legs, while all the previous films pretty much used the mounting lore as scaffolding.
And it’s just fun. It makes me smile and want to watch it again soon after watching.
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Sigh.
So, first viewing I couldn’t maintain focus. Second viewing, I could focus on Ultron’s scenes through the second act before it all goes blurry.
There’s too many characters. I’m not sure I can even give any reasonable summary of the plot. A bunch of dull, shakey cam fight scenes, the entire cast taken to their blandest characterization, and just… ugh.
Also, Ultron is supposed to be a Pym creation. He looks like a bug. This makes no sense.
The worst part is later films keep referring to the events of Age of Ultron like anyone could comprehend what happened.
I’m even putting it below The Dark World, because that one at least had some interesting visual and notable scenes.
Ant-Man
A superhero heist film.
Goofy characters and witty dialogue.
Fight scenes I enjoy.
I really like Ant-Man. It’s a good origin film, the heroes are all the right sort of dingy white to make them likeable and interesting.
And it finally helped me realize what I want from combat: visual clarity, inventive choreography, and originality.[3] Because of the gimmick of shrinking and growing, the camera needs to actually frame the scenes to show off scale. And playing with scale also makes the fights interesting, since you never fully know what will come into play and how.
Also, I just enjoy heist films. The more ridiculous the better.
Captain America: Civil War
Sorry, but I’m on team ‘This is Avengers 2.5’. But, in that light, still notably better than previous team up movies.
Yes, it’s mostly about Captain America and Iron Man, but just about everyone who appears gets their narratives progressed somewhat, the plot is clear once we get past discussing the Accords (which themselves are boring).
The only complaint I have is I feel they fired this particular plot a bit early. From my layman understanding of the original comics, one of the main thrusts of the Civil War was oversight, yes, but also maintaining secret identities, which, if they let the roster build up some (including more secret identities)[4] it would be much more easy to follow than ‘We can’t let what happened in Age of Ultron happen again!’ Because no one knows what happened in that movie.
Also, big points for not killing the Bad Guy. It should be a low bar, but I personally hate the tradition of villains dying for their crimes. It’s overdone, and limits the talent pool for later stories.
Doctor Strange
I liked this movie, but also don’t know if I have much to say. They’re finally letting Magic be Magic, which I am 100% down with. An element of Dark magic not being evil magic[5]
The bad guys were forgettable. The Good Guys fun. I’m waiting to see more, but there’s a lot of good will built up.
Should’ve cast more Asian actors, though.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
‘Well, you love the first one, does the second one exceed it?’
No. But that’s fine. There’s a few clumsy attempts to recapture lightning that don’t pan out, but it’s not particularly hindered by it. The absurdity and joyous joke-cracking continued, and the pathos that was introduced was earned.
It’s a good movie, a worthy successor to the first, but doesn’t quite beat the original on my personal list.
Spider-Man Homecoming
Title’s kind of on the nose, isn’t it Marvel?
Fun fact, I haven’t seen any of the Andrew Garfield films as my stance was ‘I’m voting with my wallet, and I want Spidey in the MCU.’ Now that that happened, the two The Amazing Spider-Man movies don’t matter anyways!
Tom Holland is perfect for the role, both in the suit and out as he manages to capture awkward youth at a level never before seen. The plot’s interesting (even though the big twist was spoiled for me),[6] the movie drips with charm, and it’s fun to see Marvel’s big money maker fight DC’s![7]
Homecoming does perpetuate the conflict with poor communication (Happy’s indifference is narratively justified, Iron Man’s not), but they also let the villain live at the end, so I guess it cancels out?
Good movie. I recommend it.
Thor: Ragnarok
I’m… okay with this film?
So the creative team finally figure out comedy is Thor’s strength and leaned into it, which I, of course, love. But the story also feels unfocused. Is it about Thor versus his family? Oh, wait, now he’s on an alien world in a coliseum. But there’s just one fight before he easily escapes. Hulk’s back, and Hulk himself is an actual character! But Hulk and Banner don’t have much effect on the plot once away from the Grand Master. And suddenly we’re back to the Asgard stuff.
Narratively, it works, but the stuff with Grand Master felt more like a diversion than actual meat. Still, they’ve shifted the tone of Thor films to that of Guardians of the Galaxy so I’m not upset.
Excited for whatever’s next, but Ragnarok didn’t pump me up like most people.
Still, hopefully the Earth-based movies catch on and lighten up.
Black Panther
I liked it, but also feel underqualified to discuss it. Saw it in theaters, so that was fun!
Lot of villain killing, though, which is a shame since Klaue was oddly affable. I want way more than we got of him!
There’s a lot of good storytelling through design and minor actions (I particularly love how Killmonger snapped his spear in half to make a shortspear). They did a good job of carefully modulating the mood with well placed jokes (especially with M’Baku, who took such joy in messing with unexpected guests).
It’s a good film for a hero that I don’t know much about, and I’m interested for more.
Avengers: Infinity War
Ah, finally, the big moment! Did they stick the landing?
Yes! Then they took another jump, so I’m waiting to see if they can finish the gymnastic routine.
At the very least, Infinity War has vastly exceeded the previous Avenger films. The universe is bigger now, and everyone’s involved and I could follow every plot point! So big applause for that.
I’ve got a couple nitpicks, of course. I wish they stuck with Thanos’s original motivation[8] just to continue to embrace the absurdities of comic storylines. The whole ‘we need to cut all populations in half’ doesn’t stand up to any thought (populations repleniish, you could’ve doubled resources, heck, turn it into a Long Earth situation, you stupid purple Homer Simpson).
But all the praise is (currently) right. It’s a good movie.
Admittedly, the scenes actually taking place on Earth weren’t as compelling as Thanos’s quest, Thor’s mission, or the Guardians meeting Tony Stark’s team, but that’s just a summary of the whole franchise. I enjoy it more when they go high concept and have fun.
They could’ve chosen the deaths better. It’s a mix of unfair (all but one of my Guardians had to go!?), and overly obvious with impermanence (Spider-Man can’t stay dead, Sony will riot).
Also, didn’t really feel much like a war.
The List
Final Standings from worst to best(based on my personal impressions)
The Incredible Hulk Avengers: Age of Ultron Thor: The Dark World Iron Man 2 Iron Man 3 Captain America: The Winter Soldier The Avengers Iron Man 1 Thor Captain America: Civil War Doctor Strange Black Panther Captain America: the First Avenger Thor: Ragnarok Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Spider-Man Homecoming Ant-Man Guardians of the Galaxy
Now, you may be asking ‘Where’s Infinity War?’
That’s a fair question. I’m holding off on ranking it because it’s obviously a Part One. Its story is currently incomplete, and there’s also the chance the next film will sour the first. It happens. But as it stands, it’d be Top 5, easy.
So, what can we divine about me from this ranking? I enjoy fun and high concepts. The more gritty and ‘real’ you try to make your story, or repeatedly spinning your wheels is a detriment. I’m also very much a character-first guy.
Maybe there’s something else you can interpret. Feel free to send me any feedback you’ve got. I enjoy thinking about my entertainment.
As for what’s coming up in the MCU? Well, the next film is a sequel to Ant-Man, my second favorite film, so that’s exciting. We’ve also got Captain Marvel, a character I know next to nothing about, which really excites me. It’ll be fun to get introduced to completely new lore, without my nerdy foreknowledge questioning choices.
Then there’s Infinity War part 2 (or whatever they’re going to call it). Now, personally, I want Thanos to be defeated by Squirrel Girl because I am a massive nerd. But I know that won’t happen. But Part One built up good faith the first two Avenger film squandered, so I’m anticipating it.
All in all, feels like the movies are moving into a good direction. I’m still trepidatious about the inter-film lore getting too entangled, but solving the Thanos situation is a good point to back off and just focus on telling good individual stories.
At least until they can bring in Dr. Doom. No one else would dare follow Thanos except DOOM!
Thanks for reading. Feel free to send me questions and comments, check out my various other works, and support my patreon. Help fund the extended Canvas Universe.
Kataal kataal.
[1] Not that he ever seems to like the jobs he takes. [2] Who also clearly wants a divorce from this franchise. She hasn’t been relevant… ever, really. [3] The final battle of Guardians of the Galaxy adds ‘clear goals’ to the list. Baddies want to touch the ground, good guys need to prevent that. Defined endstates. [4] My stance on this tropes has always been ‘Keep secret from the general public, but tell your dang Aunt, Peter.’ [5] I don’t talk about it much, but it’s one of my lesser irks. Why can’t Darkness be good, or at least a true neutral force. Night time’s nice. [6] Thanks Reddit. [7] Micheal Keaton’s great. [8] Let Thanos be in love with Death, you cowards!
0 notes
Text
Zwia Reviews Thor Ragnarok aka “Oh God, an enjoyable Thor movie???”
In my opinion, the Thor movies are the worst of the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies. The first Thor was enjoyable but unimportant overall and boring by comparison to pretty much all the other origin stories in the MCU. The second Thor, Thor: The Dark World, is widely considered to be even worse. I personally like it, but not much. Overall, Thor just isn’t an interesting character to me. He doesn’t have the attitude of Tony Stark, the complexity of Bruce Banner, or the genuine likability of Steve Rogers. He’s just… Thor. I think this is why Loki is so necessary for the Thor movies. Loki is an interesting character and some of the best and most memorable moments from the first two Thor movies are scenes where Loki is involved.
This is exactly how I thought about the Thor films before seeing the first trailer for Thor: Ragnarok. I don’t think I’m alone when I say that that trailer changed everything about my perception of Thor. Suddenly Thor was funny, and badass, and I was hyped for the movie. That hype, it turns out, was warranted.
Thor: Ragnarok is awesome. Pure and simple. It is awesome, action packed, and funny as hell. Honestly, at the end of the day, that’s what you should take away from this review. Go see Thor: Ragnarok. It’s a purely enjoyable time. Of course, it is not without its flaws. It is super fast-paced to a fault, which sometimes is really appreciated but other times hurts the more emotional moments. I usually prefer a varied pace with movies, but Thor: Ragnarok is all action, all laughs, all the time… and when sad stuff DOES happen (Which it does. There is a lot of death in this one) it kind of flies by because well… there’s so many jokes and action sequences. The movie also is hindered by you NEEDING to see some of the worst MCU movies ahead of time to really appreciate some plot points. This movie has an entire scene that would mean nothing if you haven’t seen Avengers: Age of Ultron. You should also probably have checked out Thor and Thor: The Dark World too, which I’ve already established I don’t really enjoy much either. (I mean they ARE still Marvel movies, so they are still pretty darn enjoyable… just not to the level of most other MCU movies.)
But other than those two major flaws, I have mostly great things to say about Thor: Ragnarok. The characters are all likable. For Loki and Hulk, this shouldn’t be a surprise. They are fan favorites for a reason. Jeff Goldblum basically plays Jeff Goldblum, so that’s a good time. Tessa Thompson’s Valkyrie is a drunken badass. Taika Waititi’s Korg is adorable. Karl Urban’s Executioner probably could have been improved if his arc was done over the last three movies instead of just this one, but I still think he did the character justice. Especially towards the end of the movie. I’m not saying he has an iconic scene straight from the comics, but… well… that’s basically what I’m saying. Oh, and I don’t think I need to preach the awesomeness that is Idris Elba, but he maintains his status. And finally Cate Blanchett’s Hela is just a scary badass, and one of the better villains of the MCU so far. Of course this isn’t saying much, but I guess when you have as weak a character as Thor, it’s a blessing he seems to have such solid villains. But that’s the thing, Thor is AMAZING in this. He’s clever and sarcastic and finally a likable, interesting character. Most of this is due to the very improv-based directing style of the movie, but another part is that Thor’s entire ego basically gets shattered towards the beginning of the film. He loses his hammer. It’s destroyed. This hammer is very clearly shown to be a big source of his fighting power in the beginning of the movie (in a pretty epic fight scene, by the way), and having him lose it leaves him feeling very weakened. Thor may talk a big game after this loss, but he’s rarely able to back up his words throughout the movie and you can see his character forming doubts about his abilities WITHOUT his trusty Mjolnir.
Suddenly, Thor isn’t a god. He’s someone who has fallen from grace and is trying to figure out what to do without the foundations he had been taking for granted. He goes through most of the movie without his power and on top of that, without any friends or family to help him. This makes for a character who has something to earn and something to prove, and with odds getting increasingly stacked against him, it’s a real treat for to see Thor to go through such a growth because of it. We’re not dealing with the cocky arrogant brute from Thor, we’re dealing with a wiser God who wants to better himself not for his ego, but for his people. He grows much nobler and learns a great deal about his own abilities and what his power and potential can truly mean, making some serious sacrifices along the way… which he doesn’t weep for. He simply stands by and accepts. I won’t get into some of these sacrifices, but I will say that I appreciate the recent MCU movies and how very few of them lately 1. end on a happy note and 2. finish with a simple “Who’s stronger?” fight scene. Sure they end with fight scenes, but a lot of the recent MCU movies end with much more weight and ideals getting challenged than actual fists. Doctor Strange finishes with one character out-maneuvering another, risking his own existence in the process. Captain America: Civil War ends with a brutal beat down, but one that has some major sacrifices and friendships on the line. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 has some major sacrifices. Spider-Man: Homecoming ends with Peter trying to save a life instead of trying to win a fight. And Thor: Ragnarok has a similarly strong finish. It certainly left me speechless.
Finally, I need to touch on my favorite part of the movie, the shot composition. When you watch Thor: Ragnarok, do me a favor. Picture a dot or a small X in the center of the screen. Throughout the entire movie, the main item you should be paying attention to will almost always be smack centered in the screen. It’s amazingly consistent, and it makes for some gorgeous footage. Keep an eye out. Oh a couple other things to look out for: Thor in the old comics used to carry a cane around and then turn into Thor when he smacked it on the ground. Totally happens in the movie. They also totally explain the Infinity Gauntlet showing up in Thor. Anyway, please check out Thor: Ragnarok. I wouldn’t say it’s the best MCU movie yet, but it’s definitely in the top 10. Maybe even top 5. Certainly the best Thor movie by far.
0 notes