#i still live in my parents house so its not like i use my money for important stuff anyways...

[lunar-wandering]

i got a lot of homework done today... should i reward myself by buying myself hello kitty island adventure

[tearfest]

mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3

[sad--tree]

keep saying i don't want 2 work another retail xmas but canNOT 4 the life of me make myself finish my goddamn fucking job applications !!!!!! death & dying & despair etc. etc.

[itsalwaysdark]

ome day i will be so normal

[valandherweekofwonders]

came up with the script i wish i could yell at my parents while walking home. they've gotten so much worse in the last half year and i need to fucking escape !!!!!!!! it is not fucking healthy or sustainable to live like this, to be in this environment.

[lightthatibecome]

.

[elodieunderglass]

Honestly thought I'd never hear the word "usborne" again. My mom used to live and breathe that company, and while I certainly don't regret a fair chunk, I do find it amusing as I look back now. I legitimately thought it had fallen off faster than Juice+.

In reference to a post where i mention my kid has the usborne “see inside germs” book.

So if people don’t know, usborne is a weird publishing company that has done indispensable books for British children for generations; they’re in every library, school and nursery, and have shelves devoted to them in every bookstore. They are how many people learned to read, and are the originators of many hyper focuses. They’re famed for doing educational lift the flap books for all ages, like “see inside your body”, as well as as the ubiquitous touch-and-feel series, “that’s not my….” In which a mouse comments improbably on various creatures not being their creature. “That’s not my dragon,” the mouse says, inviting you to stroke a dragon with a patch of fur on it, “its tummy is too soft. That’s not my dragon,” on the next page, where the dragon’s ears are lined with textured paper, “its ears are too bumpy.” This seems like such an inefficient way to find one’s missing dragon, a fact that simmers underneath you through endless repetition. Why does the mouse own so many things (pirates, ducks, polar bears) and why is it interrogating other people’s pirates etc by feeling their legs.

At any rate, turn a parents’ house upside down and these books fall out.

Which is why it’s completely hilarious that they are also an MLM.

Well. Kind of. In the old school sense. It’s less about signing up a pyramid scheme and more about getting a random citizen to buy a crate of perfectly popular books and try to sell them on from their home. It’s very traditional for Mums On Maternity Leave to do this. Pre-social media and online ordering, they’d hook up other mums at toddler group. Today, they post awkwardly on social media. The idea is that buying from another parent is cheaper than the bookstore, and they get to keep the markup. They get intense about things, and I believe they attend conferences. Nobody makes a huge amount of money and it’s unclear how undercutting local bookstores is helpful; it’s also basically the same RRP as Amazon I think.

And the books are perfectly respectable and sell perfectly well in bookstores.

So. Like. This marketing scheme is completely weird. Why?? Why does it still exist? People buy the books normally! You don’t need to promote them aggressively! You don’t need elaborate independent local middlemen schemes! You can just buy them! I have never understood this. I just file it under one of those weird mat leave hustles.

But don’t worry OP. They’re still going. They’ll never stop. The thing is that your mom got bored and online sales probably ate whatever residual profit margins were left and it’s probably very liberating for everyone to grow out of the “that’s not my cow” stage, but Usborne books are going strong.

[kiki-kit]

hello all! sorry for the silence, i realize that with everything happening on my end i forgot to kinda get you guys up to speed with whats been happening on my side of the screen. as some of you may remember, back in february ash and i had to move out of our shared apartment. well, since then i've gone back to living with my parents, at first i had moved in with them into my grandmothers house as they had gone there to take care of her. with my mom taking care of my grandma and my dad being too disabled to work, i was left as the only able-bodied person in the house and the only one with an income, meaning i was very busy. im grateful i had been able to spend that time with my grandmother, but unfortunately the stress of cancer took her from us in may. since then we've been dealing with family drama after drama as we were rushed out of her house.

and finally, after what's felt like the longest week in existence and 3 hellish days on the road, we're finally back in our dust filled texan home.

none of this was the plan, and i never expected my grandmother to pass so soon, but here we are.

i miss having my own place and i miss being with ashley. so my plan rn is to simply save up enough money to get back out. after im finished with the commissions i have, expect continuous batches. i also plan on continuing my commission streams and maybe ill do some other streams??? maybe ill try out opening a patreon??? im not sure yet, but ill try to keep everyone posted! in the meantime, as stated, my kofi is still open and can be found here

its been a hell of a year and im very tired, but heres hoping the rest is better.

[bajicantspell]

Kodzuken in my DMs ❕

Summary: Kenma trying (and failing) to make a move  → Warnings: cursing (Fluff) 🎧 This is part one, although both can be read as a one shot Part two right here

Despite his dislike for being recognized in public and the inevitable social interactions that fame entails, he couldn't deny that it came with its advantages. For starters, living in a big house in his early twenties wasn’t something he could complain about. Sure, it might have been just a rental and not in Roppongi Hills, but that wasn't due to any financial constraints; he simply chose not to. Kenma couldn't complain, he loved helping his loved ones. Whether it was sponsoring his friend's volleyball career or paying off his parents' debt, it felt nice to be useful.

Honestly he never expected himself to get this far this early in his life. It really felt like one day he was streaming in his old room for the ten people that happened to join and the next day he’s a ceo of a company. 

However, one thing that Kenma anticipated to be much easier, but found it wasn't, was dealing with women. Its not like the requests weren’t piling up; it seemed like every hour there was a new girl in his requests offering him everything lewd imaginable.

 Sure, meaningless sex could be nice once in a while, but lately he’s been feeling very lonely. Kuroo was always working, his parents lived far away, Hinata was in fucking Brazil. Aside from calls with them and the occasional visits, tedious work meetings, and interactions in his stream chat, he had no contact with anyone. Kenma also considered that it might be FOMO, but the fact that he had never had a girlfriend didn't help. In high school, he avoided women at all costs. In college, he went on a few dates, but nothing serious came of them—just one okay-ish hookup. Then he went viral, and dating became harder, because it seemed every conversation ended up being about him and his internet presence. 

Kenma sighed while scrolling through another dating app. Everytime he matched with someone and the first message they’d sent was “OMFG ARE YOU KODZUKEN”  he wanted to smash the phone screen just a little more. Giving up, he sank deeper into his gaming chair, taking a few deep breaths. He needed to be relaxed for the stream he was about to start.

If you could tell your awkward-ugly-duckling middle school self that you would one day have nearly ten thousand Instagram followers just for being pretty, she would have laughed in your face. Though you were extremely grateful, it wasn't as if your life was substantially different from anyone else's. You don’t get payed for posting, you’re still a regular university student, and aside from the occasional scammy sponsorship offer that you always turned down (and the creepy men asking you to start an OnlyFans), there wasn’t anything outstandingly different about your life.One thing you did brag about to your friends, however, was that the famous streamer Kodzuken had been following you for a couple of months now.  Part of you was convinced it was accidental though, since he never watches any stories or interacts with any posts. Bummer, you thought he’s really cute. 

“I’m gonna buy a fucking gun and shoot myself” Kenma complained to Kuroo during their weekly call. 

“You say while wiping your tears with money” 

“Oh fuck off, I’m serious! I tried everything. I swear I’ll resort to just fucking my hand for the rest of my life” 

Kuroo snickered, then he started thinking of solutions for his lonely friend. “Okay, instead of being a drama queen in her fucking castle lets try to be reasonable. What have you tried so far?”

Kenma sighed, “Mostly dating apps to be honest. Ain’t working. Also checked my requests and they all sound like the plots to a bad porno.” 

“Seriously? Like what?” Kenma could hear Kuroo’s smug smile through the phone.

“Dude there was one where she offered to lick my toes. Not gonna lie it was tempting.” Kenma joked, earning a loud laugh from Kuroo. 

“Damn, living the dream. Anyway, have you tried making a move though? Cause what I’m getting from this is you expecting the woman of your dreams to fall from the sky.” 

“How could i even do that? Can’t go outside without a crowd following me around. Can’t imagine a girl who feels comfortable getting hit on by a dude with an army behind him.” Kenma sighed. 

“I didnt mean that dumbass, I know that. I mean like shooting your shot through social media or something. There must be at least one babe that cought your eye.” Kuroo reasoned. 

Kenma paused and thought for a moment, his cheeks flushing the slightest shade of pink.

“Well there is one…” 

“Oh yea? Who?” Kuroo smirked. 

“She’s not like, famous or anything, which I like. It’s @(youruser). Found her a couple of months ago. Physically she’s exactly my type, like everything is exactly what i like in a girl; face, body, hair, style, the whole shtick. Followed her a couple of months ago, didnt have the courage to say anything though.” Kenma nervously explained. 

“I say send her something, what’s the worst that can happen? Getting rejected? So what? Then you move on.” 

“I don’t know…I think she’s really pretty, shooting my shot and then messing up means it’d be weird to still follow her. Don’t wanna make her uncomfy. She doesn’t post anything crazy, just selfies and outfit inspo, but she’s so fucking cute in every pic and video, drives me crazy.” Kenma sheepishly smiled. 

“Even if she does turn you down if you’re nice about it I doubt she’ll be uncomfortable. I say do it.” 

Kenma sighed, knowing Kuroo was right. He opened Instagram and searched for your profile, keeping the call with Kuroo active in case you replied quickly. 

*ding* 

 You were in the middle of doing some coursework when your phone buzzed. Glancing at the screen, you expected it to be a new follower. Your eyes went wide when you realized the notification said ‘@kodzuken wants to send you a message’.

No fucking way, you thought. 

You anxiously unlocked your phone, your focus completely shifting from your studies. 

What you didnt know is that  an equally anxious Kenma was patiently waiting for at least a ‘seen’ with his best bud on the line. 

You opened the message. 

Kodzuken: Hey :) 

Your finger hovered over the keyboard of your phone for just a second before replying.

You: Hiiiii

You cringed at your reply, it seemed to childish and dry at the same time. 

Kenma didnt think so, he was too busy panicking over the fact that you replied. Maybe he never got over his social anxiety after all. 

“Dude she replied.” He said, not fully believing himself. 

“Damn, that was fast,’ Kuroo smirked, ‘I’ll leave you lovebirds alone, gotta catch up on some work stuff. Talk to you later!” 

“Wait Kuro don’t-” before Kenma could finish his sentence the call was over. 

He clicked his tongue in annoyance- “Asshole”, he mumbled.  

He stared at the screen, unable to muster the courage to type anything. It was then that he realized this might be the first time he truly liked a girl, due to the anxious feeling that had left him since high school. With trembling fingers unable to type anything, he sighed and set his phone down, promising himself he would reply in an hour. However, that hour stretched into several, and then two days passed. He felt insanely pathetic. 

Kenma was on call with Kuroo again, Kuroo couldn’t stop complaining about the shitty meeting he had the day before.

“He was such an asshole, fucking bastard rolled his eyes everytime my colleagues and I talked. Like shut the fuck up. If you hate your job this fucking much at least don’t bring misery into ours.” 

Kenma could only hum in response, preoccupied with setting up for his stream while his mind was flooded with self-critical thoughts.

Kuroo noticed the uncharacteristic response from his best friend- If there was one thing Kenma loved, it was shit talk, and Kuroo knew that all too well from years and years of friendship with him, and the countless brutalities that Kenma would throw at him and others he was comfortable with. He would point out things in such a monotone way, you couldn’t even be mad. Kenma was a hater to his core, so not hearing even a snicker from the other side of the line was concerning. 

“Hey man, are you okay?” He asked.

“Yea its whatever.” 

Kuroo suspected what this might be about. 

“So uh.. how did things with the girl go?” 

“They didn’t fucking go.” Kenma let out a huff of laughter through his nose, tinged with self-pity.

“Hm? How come?” 

“I panicked and left her on seen. And I highly doubt I can recover that now. Like what am I gonna say? Hi sorry I left you on seen even though I texted you first, I’m just too fucking high and mighty to reply.” 

“Well definitely don’t say that.” Kuroo joked. 

“I seriously fumbled. Fuck,” Kenma muttered just loud enough for Kuroo to hear, running a hand through his hair.

“It’s okay, man. These things happen,” Kuroo said empathetically, his voice gentle and reassuring. “Everyone fucks up sometimes. You just need to give yourself a break.”, though he didnt get a response from the overthinker. 

“You’re gonna start a stream soon yea?” Kuroo changed the subject, he knew that the best way to make Kenma feel better was to distract him or piss him off a little. The second part was coming later. 

“Yea, almost done setting up. Gonna start in five.” 

“I might stay and watch a little today, I’m off work for the weekend.”

“Kay, I’m gonna hang up now. ‘Bout to start.” 

You checked the chat a couple of times during those two days, though the bitter ‘seen’ never changed. You couldn’t lie, you were a little disappointed. You didnt know much about video games, but you enjoyed his streams once in a while. He was a bit of a celebrity crush for you. 

It was the weekend, and with not much to do, you mindlessly scrolled through Instagram stories to kill time. You stumbled upon Kodzuken’s story, it was a picture of his monitor, with the text “streaming” and a link to his twitch. Although you were disappointed with the outcome of your “conversation”, you thought it couldn’t hurt watching for a bit. 

You clicked the link, and as you entered the stream, the first thing you noticed was his not-so-happy expression. His chat was filled with messages asking if he was okay.

You watched for a little bit, nothing particularly special happening. 

As you were about to click off, Kenma snapped at his chat. "Guys, I'm fine! Please stop asking." The irritation in his voice was evident. Despite his words, the tone of his voice betrayed him, revealing a hint of underlying frustration or perhaps even distress.

Another autogenerated voiced question popped on the screen, something that happens with every donation. “Okay man! Whatever it is, don’t worry, we won’t nag you.” The robotic tone of the voice did little to mask the genuine concern behind the words.

 Kenma’s shoulders tensed for a moment before he forced a small, appreciative smile. “Thanks,” he muttered, the frustration in his voice easing slightly. He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “I appreciate it, really. Let’s just focus on the game, okay?”

You decided to stay for just a little longer, puzzled at the unfamiliar demeanor of the famous streamer. 

A few minutes go by, and another donation followed by the familiar robotic voice  “@KUROROROTETSU : don’t mind him he fumbled the insta baddie” 

Your cheeks flushed for just a second though you were quickly brought back to reality by the man on the screen in front of you.

“Fucking kill yourself. Like I’m not even kidding I need you dead on my doorstep.” Kenma cursed to distract you the audience from his embarrassment, his eyebrows furrowed and a huge shit eating grin plastered on his face.

The chat started blowing up with laughs and ‘Kodzu’s back guys’

Kenma added, “before anyone cancels me that was my best friend of twenty years, don’t take the clip out of context.” He laughed.

Your favorite comment was someone saying “guys kodzu gets not bitches he’s just like me fr”, it made you let out a small giggle.

You debated with yourself, engaging in a mental monologue. ‘If I send him a message and it turns out to be about me, that’s the best case scenario. The worst case is completely humiliating myself in front of someone really famous,’ you reasoned.

You decided that a little embarrassment was a risk worth taking this time.

Kenma continued playing as usual, engaging and laughing with his audience. He felt his phone buzz and saw the screen light up beside him.

@(youruser) : for the record, I don’t think you fumbled me <3

He glanced at the screen, reading the notification, and immediately turned beet red. His heart raced as he processed the message. Slowly, he lifted his eyes to the camera, his expression a mix of surprise and embarrassment, as if he were looking directly at you through the screen.

“I uh.. hold on guys i need to reply to this for a second.” He said as he proceeded to pause metal gear solid. 

Your screen was still open to your chat, and a surge of excitement ran through you when you saw the telltale indicator that he was typing.

Kodzuken : holy shit I’m so sry, didn’t know you were watching 

(Youruser) : ahahah dw its fine

Kodzuken : can I text you after I’m done? Totally fine if u don’t wanna tho

Well it wasn’t totally fine, he really hoped you’d say yes.

(Youruser) : I’ll be waitiiiing :) 

Needless to say, that was the longest a stream had ever felt. He could hardly wait to finish so he could talk to you; properly this time.

𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕖𝕤 ↓。

part two right here , also i found these banners on Pinterest, if anyone knows who made these pls lmk so i can give credit

[astrae4]

THROW HIM AWAY! | Han Yujin

IN WHICH yujin wants to cuddle you, but you want to cuddle mr. carrot. A Valentine’s Special

FEATURING Zerobaseone’s Han Yujin and you, a highschool au

WARNINGS: kissing and sugar sweet nicknames

NOTE: Happy Valentines everyone! Here is for my jebewon readers and Yujin stans. Love you all (muah muah muah 💋) and please help me reblog hehe~ it’s my first time writing for zb1 so tell me if you want more works for them in the future!!

MORE WORKS: navigation | zb1!masterlist

IF THERE WAS ONE THING you treasured more than your stash of shoes, it would be the stuffed bunny doll that Yujin gave you during his confession. A pink, soft plush (you named him Carrot) with a white bow wrapped around its neck. You still remembered the day he gave it to you, after school with trembling hands as he rapped out his confession, eyes looking everywhere but you. You remember accepting it shyly, face feeling hot as it implied that you like him back.

That was three months ago.

Now, it seems that you grew very attached to the doll, not being able to sleep without it. So much so that you brought it with you during your Valentine's sleepover with Yujin.

Yujin had begged asked his mother to let him invite you to his house for a sleepover as his valentines day surprise. You were excited, and thankfully, your parents had let you come. The day was perfect in your eyes. You arrived in the evening and played video games with him and his brother until dinner time. Then, you had dinner with his parents. After, you and Yujin washed the dishes before finally having alone time together.

He had surprised you with strawberries covered in chocolate that he made himself (it tasted questionable 😨 but you still ate it, silently praying that you won’t end up in the toilet bowl) and gave you a small bouquet of flowers. (it was the last of his money but he’d never admit it)

You kind of almost teared up, thanking him by giving the boy a kiss on his cheek.

After, you played seventeen matches of uno and two matches of scrabble (Yujin rage quitted scrabble which was why you played uno so many times) before it was time to sleep.

”Can I have the right side—”

”Sure, now cuddle me,” he said impatiently, opening his arms.

Unfortunately for him, luck wasn’t on his side.

”Okay, but—” you took out Carrot, “Carrot goes in the middle.”

“Are you kidding me.” (the boy was like🧍🏻🙁)

“What.”

“Why are you holding that, we’re about to cuddle.”

“Are you rejecting Carrot right now, Yuyu? He’s our child.”

”Throw him away!”

”NO 😠😨!”

“He can live without hugging you tonight, it’s supposed to be just you and me..”

“Well, I can’t live without him.”

Yujin dead stared at you, before pulling the covers over his head and back-facing you. Oh..he was sulking alright. You looked at him, then at Carrot, and sighed.

“But I guess I can’t live without you most..so Carrot can sleep alone tonight..”

You could literally hear the gear in his head run as he peaked his head out of the blanket, giving you his boba eyes.

“Really?” He asked.

You set Carrot aside, going under the blanket and sandwiching him in a hug immediately, “yeah.”

He let out a noise of complaint, but you knew that he was enjoying it most since he didn’t retaliate and hugged you back, burying his face in your head. (Thank goodness you used your peach shampoo today)

A bit of silence passed as you basked in his warmth before you broke it, face looking up at him.

“Yujin.”

He let out a hm? as a reply.

“Happy valentines, love you.”

He looked at you with lovesick eyes before giving the fastest smooch (peck) in the lips. You were shocked, and he was 😼 because he was very proud of doing that.

The boy let out a giggle 🔥 (how dare he after he gave you a bomb) and went back to his previous position.

“Love you too~ goodnight and sweet dreams my honey bunny sugar plump pie.”

“Why do you have to ruin the moment.”

“Lol.”

“Goodnight too I guess..”

It was safe to say that you couldn’t sleep well that night; somewhat because Yujin forgot to tape his mouth so he snored so loud and drooled on your head, mostly because of his previous words and actions. (You’d never tell him that it was because of his previous behavior though, his head’s already big enough…)

TAGLIST — @heemingyu @ja4hyvn @flwoie @sulkygyu @xiaoderrrr @ineedaherosavemeenow @lonewolfjinji @teddywonss

© astrae4 2024 | please don’t copy, translate, or plagiarize my works on all platforms! — inbox open for conversations and requests.

[respectthepetty]

Why I react when GMMTV acquires more BL Boys like Pokemon

TLWR: GMMTV is bigger than we think

For the people in the room who don't understand why some of us (aka ME) get concerned every time a new artist is announced at GMMTV, let me explain myself (and capitalism) to you.

I'm talking to you.

Yes, you. No, don't roll your eyes. *gently holds your face in my hands* Look at my face. I'm serious. Look me in my eyes. I understand that you think I'm overacting and being ridiculous, but I want you to know why I keep harping on this. And I'll try to make it quick. I promise.

Remember this scene from Jack & Joker when the rich people were playing a version of Monopoly? And Jack asked if they were "just playing with people's lives"?

That's capitalism.

So what does that have to do with a Thai talent agency?

Well, it's becoming a monopoly. Amazon and Google are considered monopolies. Legally. They have been sued for it. You might think that there is no way a Thai company worth millions is on the same level as two American companies that are worth trillions (yes, trillions), but Amazon and Google didn't start that way.

And neither did The ONE Enterprise which is the parent company of GMMTV, One31, Change2561, and a subsidiary of GMM Grammy (which at one point Nadao Bangkok was under it), plus countless other companies like Parbdee Tawesuk, Atime Media, and Exact.

Google started off as a search engine. Now we have Chromebooks, Google phones, Google software, Google maps, Google shopping, Gmail, and so much more like it owning YouTube. But there are still other companies that have search engines, so no big deal! We can just use those. But the reason Google was sued as a monopoly by the Department of Justice (and won) was because Google makes it very hard to use those other search engines since everything else it owns only allows us to use Google products. Therefore, there is no competition simply because Google has enough power to control what we, as the consumer, see.

But this didn't start overnight.

A lot of other companies who produce Thai QLs exist, just like all those other search engines still exist, but The ONE Enterprise produces the most QLs through its various branch companies. But not only do those companies produce them, they contract other smaller companies like Studio Commuan, Dee Hup House, Trasher Bangkok, Hard Feeling Film, and many more, which is normal, but that means at any given time, at least ~65-75% of the QLs from Thailand are from one company. But, but, but, The ONE Enterprise's channels also sells slots to other companies, so their QLs can be watched on GMM and other channels. And, remember, this enterprise has only existed in this form since 2022.

So in two years, that enterprise has gone from being behind maybe less than half of the QLs to having a hand in at around two-thirds of them if not more, which doesn't include the fact that the actors in those QLs also have concerts, music contracts, and so much more.

Also, the companies with the largest profits in Thailand are from the finance (banking), real estates (hotel), tech, and medical sectors. Yet GMM Grammy is the ONLY entertainment company in the top 250 from Thailand. That doesn't include the other parts of the conglomerate.

I know I'm throwing a lot around and it seems disconnected because I'm trying to not make this too long, but know this, if The ONE Enterprise already has a hand in, at the lowest estimate, 60% of all QLs made in Thailand and continues to acquire more actors like Studio Wabi Sabi's fleet when it restructred, the 40% that is left for everyone else will continue to shrink. Domundi/Mandee has about 25 actors. GMMTV alone has about 150. Smaller companies can get more actors just like GMMTV can, but with what money when they have to pay to air their shows on The ONE Enterprise's channels while The ONE Enterprise's shows get moved behind paywalls internationally which gives it even more money? And with what crew when The ONE Enterprise has the smaller houses on contract plus its own fleet of talent? And with what incentives can these other companies give actors when they don't have the capability of giving them a record deal, a hosting job, a reality show, merch options, and so much more that The ONE Enterprise can because IT. OWNS. EVERYTHING?

And most importantly, what is allowed to be created when these smaller companies have to abide by one company's rules so their shows can air?

Good for these actors going where the money is, but it's worrisome that The ONE Enterprise is *the* place where most of the money is, and it's only existed in this form for two years.

Money is power. QLs are Thailand's soft power, which can and does influence policies, laws, and society which means people's lives. So, once again, if one company has the most QLs, the most actors, and the most money, it has the most power.

And one entity having the most power in any sector is never a good thing.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Written for @steddieangstyaugust, day 6 - "Who did this?" Childhood friends Steddie, delayed because I'm still sick and sleeping most of the time, sorry. I will catch up eventually.

When he was eight years old, someone up there sent Steve Harrington a miracle. It was't flashy, shiny or anything, so it took him a while to recognize that it was indeed a miracle. It came in form of a boy about a year older than him, with a mop of wavy dark hair, large brown eyes and even larger smile - Eddie Munson.

Steve was doing well at that time, or so everyone kept telling him. His parents had the money to buy a big house, get him a babysitter when needed, send him to all the activities he wanted - only they were rarely with him. But that was fine. When you have everything that so many others don't, you can hardly complain about something as mundane as feeling lonely.

God, Steve felt lonely.

He was the rich kid, the one with the "nothing is ever good enough" parents, and that rarely won him any friends. They all expected him to organize parties, to get a bouncy castle for the afternoon, to bring a cake whenever they asked, but it felt like they never really wanted him. Steve found the feeling painfully familiar.

It took one gentle rejection of another set of requests and demands, a suggestion that maybe they could just go and check out the fair that was just unpacking nearby, and everyone lost interest in him, called him cheap. Unpacking meant that it wasn't open yet, and that Steve wouldn't pay for the rides. He was just leaving the playground when he heard a high, loud voice call out to him. "Hey, hey you! Yellow t-shirt! Wait!"

Steve stopped and turned around, glaring at the skinny kid rushing to him. "Yellow t-shirt?" he asked, wondering if he should be insulted.

"Well, duh. I don't know your name yet. I'm new here." The boy stopped in front of him with a wide smile plastered on his face. "But now I will. I'm Eddie, I moved in with my uncle a week ago. You are?"

Steve offered him his hand. "Steve. So, uh..."

Eddie laughed and shook his hand. "Hi, Steve. Now, did these sharp ears hear something about a fair?"

Something lifted in Steve's chest, something he never knew weighed so heavily on him. "Sure did!"

His new friend - only friend - beamed at him. "Then lead the way! "

..

It was after they properly inspected all the attractions that the fair had to offer that Steve noticed a bruise on Eddie's arm. It was pure chance - he and Eddie were swinging on a tree branch and Eddie's sleeve fell back, revealing a nasty bruise. It must have been older, but the size and discoloration were still enough to make Steve concerned.

"Who did this?" he asked, pointing at Eddie's shoulder.

Eddie seemed to freeze mid-swing. He dropped to the ground and pulled the sleeve back. "No one. I fell, I'm clumsy like that." He spoke fast and with that carefree smile, but Steve's gut had a mind of its own.

"Eddie. You don't get bruises like that from falling," he said and despite Eddie's protests, leaned in to examine the injury. He'd seen some like that, on kids whose parents tended to fight a lot, or at least according to his parents, "had a nasty violent streak". He always tried not to stare, but he knew what they meant. "It looks...looks like a punch. Did someone do that to you?"

The smile faltered and Eddie dropped his gaze to the ground. He shuffled around awkwardly on his feet, as if he was deciding whether to run. "Uh...yeah. I mean. It's probably not a secret, it's just that it used to? I mean," he added, noticing the confused look on Steve's face, "my dad tends to get angry a lot when things don't go well. He lost his job, mom left us...so yeah. That's also why I'm here, in a new town, new school...my uncle lives here. I'm staying with him."

"Is he..." wavered Steve, "...is he angry too? Will you be OK?"

If there were any tears in Eddie's eyes, they were gone in an instant. "Wayne? Oh no. He's great. He's a bit scary, but he's so nice. You know, he gave me his own bed. I told him I don't need it, but he didn't care. And he gave me some really cool books! You'll never have to worry about Wayne. Or me. That's a promise."

..

Steve didn't think Eddie meant to lie. "You'll never have to worry about me" sounded wonderful, but it never worked that way with them. And Steve found himself asking Eddie the same question over and over.

"Who did this?" he asked as Eddie came to the school with his head shaved, gently coaxing an answer from Eddie that his classmates thought cutting his hair would be a great prank. "It'll grow back even thicker, just you wait," he snickered, but Steve could see his restless fingers reaching out for the strands that were no longer there.

"Who did this?" he asked as he was helping Eddie fish out his school supplies from the pool. Eddie just laughed it off, saying he'd pissed of a bunch of seniors by not lying to their girlfriends about cheating.

"Who did this?" he asked as he saw Eddie with a black eye and his locker painted over with the word FAGGOT. Eddie shrugged and slammed the locker shut. "It's not like they're wrong," he whispered to Steve. When Steve turned up at his and Wayne's trailer in the evening, Eddie hugged him tight, as if he thought he'd never see Steve again over that admission. As if.

"Who did this?" he asked as he was picking Eddie up after his roleplaying club, Hellfire, and seeing that someone cut Eddie's tires. Eddie just laughed and explained that apparently dragons and adventures were the work of Satan now.

"Who did this?" he asked in marvel as he saw Eddie's first tattoo. It was so crooked and imperfect, but so much like Eddie. When he admitted it was his own work, Steve asked for one of his own.

"Who did this?" he laughed as he kissed Eddie for the first time and found a small braid hidden in his mane of hair. When Eddie admitted he made that one himself, that he gets restless sometimes, Steve asked to teach him. So he could always braid Eddie's hair for him when they eventually moved away together.

But maybe the answers didn't matter.

The answer to "who did this?" didn't matter to the mob that gathered after Chrissy Cunningham's death. They decided they knew already.

"Who did this?" didn't matter when Steve raced to the hospital with badly injured Eddie in his car, the wound on his head bleeding onto Steve's pristine window.

"Who did this?" lost its importance when Wayne and Steve waited for the dreaded news.

And knowing who did it certainly doesn't help Steve now, as he and Wayne are picking up a headstone for Eddie's final resting place.

[lonniemachin]

I was asked to help share Omar's fundraiser. He is urgently raising money to evacuate he and his family or start rebuilding their lives in Gaza. He has only raised €822 out of his €50,000 goal so far! Please share and donate, and if you can't donate, please still share!

From Omar's GFM:

Hello, I am Omar, a Palestinian from Gaza.

I’m reaching out to you seeking your help for me and my family from the horrors of the relentless war that has been ongoing in Gaza for 7 months now. I would like to tell you a bit about my small family.

I am married and have 4 children, Leen, Lian, Mohammed, and a 9-month-old daughter named Lolo. My 38 years of life in Gaza is what I love all about. I love its beach, its streets, its life, its smell, I love everything about Gaza. I had a normal, quiet and quite happy life with my husband and daughter and with my parents and siblings until last October.

After the 7th of October, my whole life came upside down due to the war on Gaza. I first moved to live with my wife and children at my parents’ house due to the ongoing war and the fact that we needed to be evacuated across the Gaza Strip. I was afraid of not being able to save my family with bombs falling around, so the first displacement was moving to my parent's house. The war became fiercer and we were afraid, my little child was crying due to the continuous shelling and explosions.

Eight months pregnant, my brother's wife struggles to care for herself and her unborn child. The desperation weighs heavily on all of us.

A few days later, we were ordered to evacuate the building where my childhood home once stood so we had to quickly collect a few belongings and leave my parent's house. Me, my wife and our family moved to my sister’s house which was in a quieter neighbourhood and a smaller building. That was our second displacement. Shelling equally followed us to that area, so this time along with my sister, her husband and his family all of us had to move again. We had to split to 3 different places due to available places to shelter and thus with our 3rd displacement, the incessant bombing, lack of water, food, electricity and multiple communications blackouts we also had to endure the separation and the inability to communicate inside Gaza as well as being cut out from the outside world.

There’s no place safe in Gaza, we can be bombed at any time and anywhere across the strip. Displacement is hard on adults, so it’s unimaginably harsh on children who are not able to comprehend why they have to move from one place to the other, the reason some basic day-to-day things keep changing, such as water to shower, food, water, being enclosed without going out and of course the noises of the warplanes and raining bombs. Amid all of these horrors, we received the news that my parent's house, that place we used to call home where we lived our childhood, as teenagers and adults, that neighbourhood where we lived with our friends and neighbours for years was simply reduced to rubble. All 4 buildings and surroundings were wiped up from the neighbourhood. In a few minutes, a lifetime was lost. Home, savings, friends, neighbours, and memories, all vanished in a blink.

My greatest concern is children, their future, where they will live, study and grow up. There’s nothing left in Gaza, all life-sustaining means are now destroyed. The future became blurry and dark. We had dreams, me and my wife, for us and our children. We dreamt of a simple, peaceful and bright life and a successful future for the children. We all have the right to have a normal life and children deserve a normal childhood and a bright future like other children worldwide. We should be able to provide them with the essentials for a normal life, such as safety first and material needs such as food, clean water and clothing and also education. These are the minimum rights of a child.

I’m also concerned about my parents who dedicated their lives to me and my siblings to provide us with the best education and the possible comforts of life so we feel like we live in a place as in any other free country across the globe. At this age and within these war conditions, I would like to be able to provide them with a safe place and a decent life to give back a bit of all their dedication throughout our lives.

In case this war gets to an end, we need to restart our lives, in Gaza or preferably outside where we can find safety and peace. In Gaza, we have no place to live any more and the rebuilding will take years and a huge amount of money. Outside Gaza, we need the money to get out and a reasonable amount to start somewhere.

To be able to find a safe place for our children where we can have a peaceful future alongside her parents and grandparents, I would greatly appreciate your contribution to donate and share this donation request so it can reach the highest number of kindhearted people and we can get a good amount of money to provide the children with what they deserve.

From the bottom of my heart, I would like to greatly thank you for your support.

Sincerely yours,

Omar

[ladykailitha]

Steve's Family Christmas

Hello and welcome to my Christmas AUvent Calendar! Every day from now until the 24th I will be posting a ficlet that is 500-1500 from an AU I've done over the years.

All stories will be marked with the tag #12 aus of christmas so you can follow along as I will only be tagging my permanent list for this (it would get too confusing otherwise).

The next one on our list is: Grief (a Friend Indeed). You can read the first story here. All links will be to the first chapter, but the chapter itself will have links to the rest of the story.

Day 1 Day 2 Day 3

~

Steve was sure that his house never had so many people in it the entire time its stood in Loch Nora.

Most of Eddie’s family was here, Penny and Danny, Lauren, Oliver, and Gale. While Danny’s brother Hal was staying with Eddie and Wayne. His uncles Percy and David Kincade were in his parents old room. Penny and Danny were in the guest room across from the master bedroom, while Lauren and Gale shared the guest room next to his bedroom. Oliver was put in the basement next to the game room.

He was looking at about half of them sprawled out over the sofas in the living room with utter helplessness.

David came up and put his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about all this, Percy and I will help keep the chaos to a minimum. Just rely on us, okay?”

Steve let out a long sigh and nodded.

The other members of the Munson clan were set to join them at any minute so they could go over the Secret Santa rules and let everyone pull a name out of a hat. And if you got someone you didn’t know well there was a poster in the kitchen that had a cheat sheet of people’s likes, dislikes, and any allergies they might have.

Everything was primed to go smoothly. Which was precisely why Steve was so nervous. He didn’t know everyone very well, but those he did? Thrived on chaos.

It took all of five minutes for a fight to break out between the Nelsons and the Kincades.

“I’m just saying that there should be maximum amount,” Penny was saying, “that way the kids can still get their Secret Santa a gift and not see someone else get something outrageous like a new car or sports equipment, something ridiculous.”

“Money is no object,” Percy said dryly, crossing his legs leveling her with a glare. “I have no trouble giving someone the money they need if they want to get an extravagant gift.”

“And I’m saying that they shouldn’t have to,” Penny argued. “Because if you’re just going to give everyone the money then we might as well just buy everyone a gift, no holds barred.”

David shook his head. “That’s not the argument you think it is. It’s what Percy and I wanted to do in the first place.”

Penny blinked at him for a moment, mouth opening and closing without sound coming out at all.

“I have the perfect solution!” Steve said before the tension could mount further. Everyone turned to Steve. “You can spend however much you want–” there was a bunch of grumbling from the Nelsons and Percy and David looked too smug for words, “but! You have to make it yourself. It has to be homemade. You can’t buy it, you can’t pay someone to make it for you. You have to make it yourself.”

“Oh,” Percy purred. “That is elegant. I approve.”

Penny and Danny shared a concerned look, but they really didn’t have an argument against it.

“I’m down,” Wayne said, “I think it’s a great idea. Gets everyone thinking outside the box and sure, some crafts are going be more expensive, like painting or knitting. Or even woodworking, which is what I’m going to be doing. Is borrowing equipment allowed, Steve?”

“Sure is!” Steve said with a grin. “As is renting it as long as the finished product is something you made, it counts. Writing songs, poems, stories totally count too. It’s something you made.”

Eddie grinned up at his boyfriend. He could have drawn something in a pinch, but letting him write a song? That would be even better. “I’m sold!”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief at a crisis well and truly averted.

~

If Steve thought it was chaotic with a dozen people, adding almost double that made for a wild time that’s for sure.

There were two Secret Santas planned. One for Eddie and Steve’s families and one for all the friends. Eddie had the worst luck and gotten both Oliver and Mike.

“Normally, I’d say just buy two copies of the same album,” Steve suggested, “and just wrap them differently so you know which is which, but...”

“I have to make something for Oliver,” Eddie huffed.

Steve kissed the top of his head. “You’ll think of something. You always do.”

“Yeah, sure Mr. Lucky over here,” he groused. “You got me for the family gift giving and Robin for the friend. You have this in the bag!”

Steve did feel bad about that one. But he picked last, no one could claim he cheated. He had already bought Robin a couple of books on cinema and film making. She had gotten a video camera from her parents on her birthday and thought herself the next Martha Coolidge. For Eddie, he had gotten the recipe for his favorite spice cookies from Wayne was planning on making him a box of them.

The day arrived and the gifts were handed out. Steve had gotten a small stainglass picture of the sun and the moon from David.

“I cut the pieces of glass and welded the metal together,” David explained. “I assume it counts.”

“It’s beautiful!” Steve gasped and gave him a hug for it.

Eddie was happily munching on his cookies and swatting away anyone who tried to sneak one.

Everyone was happy with their gifts and even Penny had to admit that homemade had made for some very thoughtful gifts. Even if, as with David’s gift to Steve, it must have cost a lot of money.

Wayne came up to Steve as the blended families showed off their gifts to each other and just having a good time.

He placed his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “You did good, Steve.”

“It’s nice to have all my family around for the holidays,” he murmured. “And I consider the Munson and Nelson clans as family.”

“You thinkin’ about marrying into the family?” Wayne teased with a grin.

“If it was legal,” Steve said with an answering grin, “I’d do it tomorrow. Or, you know when the county offices opened again after New Years.”

“Well,” Wayne said, “I’d be happy to have you in the family and I even like your uncles, too. It’s nice seeing that boy so happy.”

Steve looked over at Eddie who smiled up at him. Then he came bounding up to them.

“Stevie!” he said brightly. “Come help me convince Oliver to come to the friends’ do so he can meet Mike.”

Steve laughed and let Eddie haul him back into the crowd.

Hal came up beside Wayne. “It may have taken a death in the family to bring us all together but I think your mom would have been proud today.”

Wayne smiled, tears misting his eyes. “I think she would have, too.”

“Merry Christmas,” Hal murmured.

It certainly was that.

~

Day 5 Day 6 Day 7 Day 8 Day 9 Day 10 Day 11 Day 12

Tag List: CLOSED

1- @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog @sadisticaltarts @dolphincliffs

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @cryptid-system @kultiras

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @dreamercec @blondie1006

5- @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @genderless-spoon @fearieshadow @thesecondfate

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

[whimsijoy]

fake plastic trees

a/n: so i fear this has been brewing in my docs for too long and i actually hate it but its my longest fic yet + i’ve been wanting to write a song fic (if u can even call this that) for so long. eeeek!!!

content warning (?): not a happy ending (but maybe this is part one), canon level gore, reader breaks a promise, fake identity that’s barely used, steve becomes a real estate agent

wc: 3.1k

— ˚✧₊⁎ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚

Hawkins, Indiana - April 13th, 1985. 

“I win.” You say, shoving your empty plastic blue tile holder towards Steve; his two tile holders are both filled to the brim with cream colored Rummikub tiles. 

“You only play this game because you know I’m bad at it.” Steve sighs as he dumps his tiles back into the game’s packaging. 

“You’re only bad at it because you treat this game like it’s time based.” You scoff out with a heatless eye roll before helping him pack up the rest of the tiles. “It’s okay. Someday you’ll be as good as me.” You say, shoulders shrugging softly before you peck a quick kiss to his cheek. 

You stand up from the place on your apartment’s floor, and pick the Rummikub box up off the coffee table. You take it to the miniscule linen closet and put it next to your 3 other board games. Since it’s your apartment, you’ve bought the board games you’re best at. 

You and Steve Harrington have somewhat similar backgrounds. His parents are home more often than yours are, which says something. Your parents are Travel nurses, so it’s common for you guys to only stay places for a couple weeks at a time. 

With you still being in school, however… They’ve left you home all by your little lonesome since you were about 16. So, you’ve lived in a flat on the outskirt of Hawkins for about that long while your parents go and take care of people across the state, the country, whatever. 

When you’ve turned 18, the apartment transfers into your name and you're responsible for the rent and utility bills. For now, you and Steve play house while they’re away. 

“So, what sounds good for dinner? I think I have another few boxes of Noodle-Roni. We could make that.” You posit. 

“Yeah, I could eat that.” Steve says simply, going to sit at the kitchen island. Usually you’re the one to cook. Steve isn’t very great at making things that don’t require a microwave. He’s still bummed about not getting into any college, or tech school that he applied to. It’s difficult.

His dad has been on his ass about not getting in anywhere, from what he’s told you. You genuinely feel bad for him, you know the feeling of being let down, you can also understand his anxiety of not knowing what the next step is. 

You make dinner that night and reassure him to the best of your ability. You know his mother has always been kinder than his father. Maybe she’ll let him join the real estate firm, you try to tell him. 

—-

Outskirts of Hawkins, Indiana - Jul. 5 - 3:13 AM

You’ve been up for the past 22 hours. Steve has been totally no contact, for seemingly no reason. You had both left for work the previous morning, and he never came home. 

You know that while it makes money, scooping ice cream at the mall is not that demanding of a job. You don’t think it’s to the point where he would go completely AWOL. You’ve recently been informed about what the Upside Down is, and you're not completely sure it’s real. 

But, you’ve also stored the tidbit that you can’t dream of things you’ve never seen before in the back of your mind since you’ve learned it. You don’t think that the night terrors that Steve has acquired could have emerged from his everyday life.

You’re outside on the back porch, watching the last of the fireworks from the night. Each explosion makes your flinch and blind hard, but the explosion of lights in the sky are too vibrantly addicting to go back to bed. It doesn’t help that your missing boyfriend has you anxious to the point of losing sleep. Well, it hasn’t been a full 48 hours, you think, so you can’t file a report quite yet. 

You’ve at least put your pajamas on and washed your makeup off. You figure that if you get ready for bed, soon enough your body will crave it. The nicotine and heat from the cigarettes disproves that theory, but you just need him to be home

When you’re close to tears, that’s when the landline rings. You don’t even bother fully ashing your cigarette, you just set it in the ashtray for it to finish burning. 

You rush to the handset on the wall and bring the receiver to your face, smushing the bright red plastic to your cheek, hoping for something. Anything. 

“[Y/N]?” You hear a familiar voice croak down the line. Oh, you could punch him. 

“Steve? Is that you? Are you okay? Where are you? I’ll pick you up.” You say through the phone. You try not to let your voice shake. You know that your concern is tangible. It tastes like tobacco. 

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s me. Um.. I’m at Starcourt. I don’t think I should drive.” You hear it come through the phone. You’re already grabbing your purse off of the stool and nodding. He’s slurring his words which usually means one of two things, but you don’t think he’s drunk.

He's different when he is. You figure he’s gotten beat up again (which feels worse than him being drunk), and this is his first chance to get to a payphone. You sigh. “Yeah, no problem, Steve. I’ll be there in a bit. You better explain to me what happened.” You say before placing the phone in the cradle and rushing out the door. 

– 

Starcourt Mall, Indiana - 3:32 AM

You definitely broke some traffic laws to get here, but that doesn’t matter. There was barely anyone on the roads anyways. 

You park haphazardly in the parking lot. Your car isn’t even in a parking space, and the engine is practically still running as you grab your everything. Purse, keys, etcetera. You throw your car door open and stand, looking across the carpark and smelling the oppressive weight of the smoke. 

You look at the blinding, flashing lights of different emergency service vehicles until you spot Steve. Half of his face is swollen, beaten. This is worse than Jonathan, bordering on worse than Billy. You slam your car door shut with more force than you’ve ever used before as you sprint towards him, sitting at the end of an ambulance. 

Once you're in front of him, you have your arms tightly around him. He smells of sick, blood, and sweat. Very little hints of his shampoo and cologne are left behind under his pungent smells, but he’s here. At least he’s in your arms. 

You only shed a few tears, the nauseatingly sick feeling in your stomach neither worsening or abating. You have no idea what’s been done to him, and you don’t know how he feels. All you can keep doing is holding him, and rubbing into his back gently. 

You finally pull back and wipe your eyes, checking him over. You frown at the sight of the swollen half of his face. You flash his coworker a soft smile and wave, as composed as you can manage before doing a more thorough checkover. You stroke the sides of his neck gently, your thumbs stuttering at the feeling of the injection mark. 

“Are you ready to go home?” You ask. You don’t know where else he’d want to go, but you feel he’s probably been dragged through enough crock loads of shit in the past few days. You just want to make sure that he’ll be okay. 

“Yeah, Mhm.” He sounds. You give him your hands to help him as he hops down from the edge of the rig, and you rub his arm. You miss the way hair lined his arms. You smooth the frazzled strands out before looking in between him and his coworker. 

“Do you need a ride home?” You ask her softly. You know that you’re probably not leading with the best impression right now, and you don’t know her, but you also don’t know how she’s getting home tonight. 

– 

ɐuɐᴉpuI 'suᴉʞʍɐH - Feb. 25, 1987 

“You have to go, Steve. You need to keep them safe and you know I can’t–”

“Stop that. Stop it, because you know I won’t, and… and I can’t.” 

“Steve, I promise. I promise I will hold this down, and not do anything drastic or.. or unexpected. You can come back, and everything. You have to get the kids through that gate and onto home ground, and then you can come right back here.” You plead. You don’t make promises you don’t think you can keep. 

He gives you a dismayed look, but this time it’s genuine. You know the expression all too well. Brows pinched and jaw slightly slack, but mainly in situations where you've decided to tease him, or something of the sort. You give him a peck on the cheek, albeit guilty, before running towards the danger. Before the very thing that has been targeting Hawkins for the past. Too long. All you needed to do was keep it waiting, but focused.  

A loose cannon, aren’t you? 

It hadn’t even been 15 minutes that Steve was gone. He ran back to the rendezvous spot to find it empty. Concrete-esque flooring, with occasional meaty vines strewn about. You and the older chapter of the Party had deemed it the safer part of the Upside Down last spring. 

But you’re not where you agreed. Steve knows you wouldn’t just run off for the hell of it. His brain automatically seems to figure out what happened, and it’s the worst possible answer. Either way, he’s come to realize that you're gone. Permanently. 

He heavily considers staying down here and meeting your assumed fate as well, but he knows he can’t. He has people to please, but he doesn’t know how he’s going to upkeep all of it. He thinks he can. 

He meets Robin and the Party at the gate alone. 

—-

Hawkins Laboratory, Indiana - Mar. 8, 1987

You’d finally been pulled out of the upside down a week ago. You’d been hospitalized on some different floor of the lab, rehabilitated to a functioning member of society (kind of), and now you're sitting in front of some government officials, signing papers that say your existence in Hawkins never happened.

“Quick question, if I can?” You ask one of the men. Both are dressed in crisp suits, white collars buttoned to the top and the black tie nice and flush to the crease.

“Of course, ma’am.” 

“Something similar to this happened a few years back, as I’m sure you know. But.. with that kid.. You guys just said the body was incorrectly identified. Why can’t you do that with my situation as well?” You ask softly, placing your hand under your chin as you look at the manilla folders strewn about the desk. 

“Your situation is a little different than his, and also having the federal government incorrectly identify two bodies in the same small town in a 4 and a half year time frame could get some eyebrows raised. It’s better if we do it this way.” He explains calmly, sliding a cream colored folder right in front of you. There’s a name type-written on the top, and it’s definitely not yours. 

SMITH, CHRISTINE.

Fitting for your birth year, but not much else. They’ve given you a backstory to memorize by 5 P.M. tonight before they transport you to Nevada. In the meantime, they’ve retaken everything. License photo, passport photo, even a photo ID and resume for the job you're supposed to have come next week. It’s all a lot. 

—-

It’s odd, really. To think of seeing you again. Steve had thought it to be impossible. Every time he had thought the opposite, he had to remind himself that; that’s grief. It can do crazy things to a person. 

He saw how Joyce acted in 1983, nobody in Hawkins could have missed it. But after losing you, he understands her. He hates to say it, or to think it, but she was lucky. Will came back, and the Byers were able to move away from Hawkins. Away from flesh eating underground beasts. 

There are so many explanations that have run through his brain, to try and explain as to why you're not here anymore. For a while, he figured that the 3 TBIs were starting to catch up to him; make him think incredulous thoughts to explain why you weren’t (or were) in front of him.

Now there’s no sign of you. A nice funeral was hosted, talking about your different accomplishments, your life. There's a thick gravestone with your name, birthday, and assumed death date on it in the cemetery 2 miles east of Hawkin’s Memorial Hospital. Steve used to visit there a lot.

Your car was impounded a week after, your apartment was cleaned by state workers. Everything you owned is now in a GoodWill a town over. 

—

Reno, Nevada - Aug. 23, 1997

Southwestern summers have always been sweltering, for as long as you’ve lived here. You shove the gas nozzle into your car, and squint away from the blaring sun. You drive a measly car, a 1989 Toyota Corolla. Lamest car on the market, you’ve always thought.

Over the last 10 years, you’ve grown accustomed to being quiet, timid, secretary Christine. You rarely bat an eye when some character on TV says your name, or if it’s brought up elsewhere. It’s easy ‘cos you don’t know anyone here that could say your name in an intimate way. 

You watch as a newer model car pulls up to the gas stall next to you. You see a bumper sticker with Harrington Real Estate inscribed in black, bold letters plastered on to a side window. Hm. 

You don’t bat an eye. You’ve gotten good at that. Every time you think of Steve, it doesn’t end well. You feel a gaping hole open in your chest and then it’s hard to remember much past that.  Usually there’s some kind of intoxication involved, and considering that you’re just trying to get gas and then get home, it’s not an option tonight.

From what you remember, Steve, while the love of your life, isn’t the brightest bulb in the shed, you fear. You’ve changed since you were 20 years old, as he has, so you hope he doesn’t stare at you too hard. You hear the sound of both the driver side door open, and the passenger side door open. You get a glimpse of a woman with mousy brown hair that falls to her collarbones, a fringe, a toothy grin when she wants it, and bright blue eyes. 

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that they’re together. But, you know it’s an aged Robin. Now, you know you’re a little more screwed because she’s a tad more perceptive. Way more perceptive, actually. 

You feel 4 eyes boring into your skull, and you try to pay no mind to any of them. You pull the sunglasses off of the top of your head and rest them on the bridge of your nose with shaky fingers. You can hear Robin pull Steve aside, making him lock the gas nozzle in place before leading him into the gas station. 

Your tank finishes filling shortly thereafter. You put the nozzle back in place and realize that you have twelve dollars and sixteen cents in change. That’s enough for basically 4 boxes of Marlboro Reds, minus tax. You’re running low, anyways. You take the receipt from the gas pump and make your way inside of the convenience store portion of the Chevron. 

As you walk into the small shop, you place your sunglasses back on your head then, voices carry. 

“Do you seriously think that was her?” A deeper, hushed voice asks. You can hear them perusing the candy aisle. 

“You know I wouldn’t throw the idea around lightly.” The female voice defends. “I mean, you know how you were after her… death? Can we even call it that now? It’s officially named the situation, now. Back to the point, you were a flaming hot mess.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know that, Robin. That’s why.. I don’t know. It’d be awful to get my hopes up.” Steve says, closer to the cashier. 

“And then, could I get four boxes of Marlboro Reds? Please.” You say kindly to the attendant, who still has your cash in his hand.

He gives you a morose response as he grabs the proclaimed boxes. You fidget with the fancy ‘C’ initial necklace resting in between your collar bones, watching as he places them in a frail plastic bag. 

Once the plastic is looped over your fingers, you turn around to see him, and her standing right in front of you. You made eye contact with shocked brown eyes, then the blue ones.

This feels tortuous. You give him a small smile, like he’s a new person in town. A passerby. It makes you nauseous, teary, all of the above. 

Fuck.

But, the government made it a huge deal that nobody could know what happened. Not a soul, no matter who could figure what out. 

You give them a soft smile, like you don’t know them, and make your way out to your car. Would the government even know if you had one conversation with them? A final goodbye? Some closure? You don’t know, and no matter how bad you want to, you can’t dote. 

You push the glass door open as fast as you can, and your stomach only drops further when you don’t hear it close behind you. 

“Ma’am?” You hear a familiar voice call from the light grey concrete in front of the door. You’re the only woman out there, you know this gas station doesn’t have cameras (and if it does, fuck it), so you have to spin on your heel. 

You face the man you’ve been pushed away from, and you see him eye to eye. You don’t know how to explain to him what happened, because you know you can’t. “Yes?”

“You… look like an old friend of mine.” Steve states, hand in his jean pocket. 

“Do I?” 

“Yeah.” He says with a nod. You can’t tell if the purse of his lips is pissed off or disappointed. 

“That’s interesting.” You say, painstakingly slow as you step towards your car. “You gotta name?”

“...Steven.” 

“Well, Steve,” his name feels so familiar on your tongue. Something like a meal from his pantry. “I hope you find your friend. I bet she misses you.” 

“I’m expanding my business out here to Reno.” He says, a suave shake of his head. You watch as he pulls a slip of bright white cardstock from his wallet. “If you’re ever interested in selling your home… Call me.” He mutters. You take the business card and pocket it. 

“You got it. I’ll let you know.” You say as you rest your elbow on the top of your car. 

“Have a good evening.” 

You climb into your car that you hate, and drive back home. You cry the entire way. 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if i keep having sex with my friends dad? nsfw warning

i (20s cismale) got invited by my friend (20s nonbinary) to try out some new edibles they made last thursday. this isnt too weird because both of us are unemployed (they get disability, i get money from unemployment, and we both live with our parents) and usually during the day their dad (50s cismale) is at work so we get the house to ourselves. well last thursday was different because i came over late in the night when their dad was home, and he offered to make me some dinner too. i get the munchies really bad so i was immediately like yes please and thank you while i fucked off to my friends room. we played some smash bros while we waited for the cookies to kick in, and when it started to hit his dad called us both out for dinner. dinner was great, and his dad is super chill — so he let us raid his alcohol cabinet. i dont think he knew either of us were stoned for the record (im naturally really quiet/dont make eye contact, my friend sounds high 24/7 naturally) so i dont think he was like trying to get anyone drunk or anything. my tolerance is pretty good but my friends is shit so it didnt take long until they were like blackout drunk and passing out on the couch, while their dad and i were both drunk too (not blackout but pretty drunk, and i was still high) and sitting on the opposite side of the couch next to eachother

important fact about me - i crossdress like femboys or whatever theyre called. i like looking really feminine and cute and confusing people. im not trans or anything like that gender is just a game and i am winning it. but i do tend to dress up in very egirl/goth gf clothes if you know what i mean, and i look pretty convincing ive been told (friend tells me i would pass for ciswoman with the makeup on). i think their dad maybe forgot that i was me (he usually sees me in boy clothes) and he started hitting on me? i didnt think i was gay or bi either until he started doing it and i got really flustered but i didnt stop him? again i was fucked up so the attention felt really nice despite it being my friends dad. but anyways he kept getting closer until he kissed me, and it felt nice so i let it keep going? which was probably super fucked up in retrospect. but anyways stuff gets hot and steamy, their dad doesnt bother lifting up my skirt, one thing leads to another and we have sex. he definitely noticed im not a girl during that (its pretty hard to miss lol) but he didnt stop so we kept going for a while

after we were done he and i passed out on the couch in a kind of awkward position, we both woke up in the morning and i think thats when he realized im me, but he didnt seem to freak out even though hes straight?? or at least i thought he was straight. but we had sex again in the morning and then when my friend woke up we all had breakfast and i went back to my friends room and we hung out more and got high again. while we were though i accidentally spilled the beans to my friend, and they FREAKED out on me and said that i was so gross for doing that, and they cant believe that it happened, stuff like that. they kicked me out of their room and their dad had to drive me home because i was shaking bad from it. but while their dad drove me home i was super pissed and mad and not thinking straight (haha) and so i tried to convince their dad to take a detour so we could fuck again. and he was like, okay sure, so we did?? but now i feel horrible for doing it knowing that it grossed my friend out so much, but i really like their dad and he seems to like me too, and i want to keep banging him :(

What are these acronyms?