#i still hope that some of those ppl will chase their dreams one day; because as long as we live we can try and pursue what we want

[iambecomeafangirl]

Not an American, yet Halsey's Hometown reminds me of home a lot 🏡🏚💔

[hinatas-sunshine]

Synopsis: The Boys seeing their significant other interacting with the other girls

Genre: Fluff

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this, sorry I’ve been writing a lot of Haikyuu but I’ll bring back my OG ppl hehe, requests are open! Feel free to send any! Kithes 🥺❤️

Kirishima:

• You were a transfer student and when Aizawa introduced you, you bowed and said a slight hello

• You had stolen his heart from the moment you smiled right at him

• you were smiling at everyone but let the poor boy dream

• Listen you were actually crazy psycho crackhead dumb but no one got to know that because they were busy watching you look normal from afar

• That was until Kirishima witnessed you, laptop on your bed, blanket over your head replaying the google man’s voice saying “y/n Clowns aren’t scary you just think a lot about the clown that chased you in 2016 and how he wouldn’t stop saying fetty was lyrics.”

• Yeah he was gonna pretend he didn’t see it

• But when he walked in to you dancing to your “bad b*tches only” playlist and you noticed him, screamed and then fell on your butt

“Oh so transfer girl has some moves.”

“My names y/n.”

“Y/n what?”

“Whats it to ya”

• He liked your spongebob references so you two became fast friends and next thing you know he’s asking you to “kermit to him” with a kermit the frog stuffed toy

• Once you two were together he was the only one who knew your cracktivities

• That was until the girls wanted to peek into your room to see what it looked like

• they all loved the vibe of your room and you invited them to stay!

• That night was the wildest girls night you had

• And they realized how crazy you actually were

“Mina if you don’t do a dance battle with me right now I swear I’ll cry I have some sick moves!”

• You didnt 🧚🏻‍♀️✨💞 stop trying 🙈✨☺️❤️

• They all loved you! And screamed at Kaminari for hiding you from them

• Now when he often saw you doing crazy things with everyone it made his heart happy you were fitting in

“Denki I’ll race you on a pool floaty down the stairs right now!”

“Y/n DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOURE ASKING FOR!”

“OI! NO DUNCE FACE AND SHITTY HAIR 2!”

• You, Denki and Kirishima were the idiots of 1-A

“Don’t put me in with those two idiots!”

“Y/n? 😔”

“No Kirishima I was just kidding 🥺!”

“Y/n 🥺👉🏽👈🏽”

“No I meant it for you Denki 😃”

Bakugo:

• The power you hold ✨

• Only person Bakugo with scream at and apologize to

• everyone was kind of scared of you and you didn’t know why but either way you stuck to creating cool things for your suit or making a cool gadget in your room

• Bakugo would come visit from time to time and you’d go to his room and just lay with him

“Make me something for my suit.”

“Not until you say please.”

“Tch fine then.”

• *walks in five minutes later*

“Please.”

• You had this boy wrapped around your finger and everyone knew it

“I don’t ever seen y/n, all she does is hang out in her room or hang out with Bakugo.”

“Shut up shittyhair! She doesn’t have time for you extras!”

• You did but you didn’t really bother to say anything because this certain piece of technology needed your attention

• One day there was just... nothing. Nothing for you to fix or build...

• So you went to the common room and saw the girls messing with a piece of technology and you couldn’t help but peek and see them looking into a bunch of wires

“Oh y/n! Do you think you could help us?”

• You looked at Uraraka and shuffled over nervously sitting on your legs studying the wires, bolts, everything before going to your room grabbing a piece of thin tweezers and fixing an unscrewed bolt

• All the girls eyes lit up at applauded, leading to a long talk about anything that came to mind such as how you knew so much about technology

“My mom used to be in the Support department, my dad wanted to be a pro hero before he risked his life, so I picked it up from my mom but wanted to save lives like my dad.”

• They all smiled and awe’d before Bakugo walked in and threw you over his shoulder, you huffed and waved at them letting him take you back

“What was that?”

“They needed help with something.”

“Oh... so... are you friends with them?”

“I don’t know I guess.”

• He nodded, he was happy for you but he’d never admit it to your face

“Are you jealous someone will take your place as my best friend?”

“Shut up dumbass.”

“Aye!”

“I’m sorry, I meant shut up.”

Todoroki:

• You are just as antisocial as him oh my gosh no one knows how you two ended up together

• In all honesty it was the lack of speaking and more of action, you two would just look for each other any time there was a group project, partner training or working together at all

• You two were just each other’s friend and it evolved into something more

• When you watched him and Midoriya at the festival you were extremely proud of him opening up

• You on the other hand had a lot of catching up to do

• The girls had managed to get you in a cheerleading uniform and they became obsessed with you but you were still too shy for your own good

• You remained with a small smile on your face when cheering

• Todoroki thought you looked so cute trying and attempting to make friends his heart went crazy

• After that day you began to notice him around Izuku and Bakugo

• Izuku said it’s okay to call him Deku like everyone else

“Okay Izuku.”

“Deku.”

“Sorry Izuku.”

• Poor boy felt to bad to correct you djwjnfownr

• Todoroki realized you were feeling a little down

“What’s wrong y/n?”

“I’m too shy for you own good..”

• He became determined to help you and although it didn’t work, someone else’s words got you to

“Eh? Y/n doesn’t even speak you half and half bastard how are you even dating her?!”

• You tapped on his shoulder

“I do speak!”

• You furrowed you eyebrows and walked away making it a mission to make one friend

• You ended up with Yaoyorozu, who agreed to have tea with you

“So how did you and Todoroki start dating?”

“We just always looked for each other, and it was nice, I guess I kinda found comfort in him.”

• All the girls aw’s were heard from behind the wall and Momo sighed making them come out, as they all did you giggled at them

• They were so happy you weren’t running away their Baby y/n is growing

• You all sat together and talked about everything, mostly you because they wanted to know more about you

“You’re saying you, y/n l/n, used to get in trouble for being TOO TALKATIVE?”

“Yes and I don’t know why!”

• Once you opened up they noticed you did talk a lot but they loved it

• Todoroki smiled at you from afar, he was really glad you were opening up

“Icy hot are you EVEN LISTENING?”

“No.”

Tags:

[enderspawn]

🎼 (I can’t find the correct emoji lol) exile arc tommy?

Oh boy! (opens up breakdown playlist) /hj

Montreal – Penelope Scott

Sleep with a Baseball Bat – Cosmic Johnny

Brother – Gerard Way

breakdown under cut, tw for suicidal ideation on the first song esp

1.       Montreal – heehee hoohoo suicidal/depression thoughts baby!!

I mean in short this is tommy saying he wont Survive exile. The intro of the song lists when the singer would be home from college/school and that “another 90 day summers gonna take [their] fucking life” which is rlly just. Tommy not gonna live THAT long in exile.

“And I would rather die And let me make it clear It's nobody's fault But I think we all know That I won't make it to Montreal”

So the thing here is that its “nobody’s fault” bc on one hand it is that he doesn’t blame tubbo but worse he doesn’t blame DREAM. Its just meant to happen, its not bc of anybody, yknow?

“And I would rather die I'll jump before I'll fall And I'm having lots of fun But I won't make it Montreal”

Mans tried to jump to his death before he “fell” whether bc of dream or an accident, hes makin the active CHOICE to end it rather than just waiting. Even w the fun he’s having w dream, he’s miserable and he knows he wont make it to see lmanberg again

“You like to talk about the future As if it's real And when you tell me that you love me I can almost feel it”

Dream keeps promising him stuff for the future. Maybe he can visit to see the tree, maybe he can get another visit, maybe he wont be alone. But tommy doesn’t care, its all fake to him (which like, it is so good for him but fjkdlsjf)

“It's not that it's a bad plan No, the plan fucking slapped I was so excited you don't know how bad I wanted all of it The coffee shop, the weather, the apartment But I don't want anything anymore I don't know, I guess I just got bored”

Okay so. Tommy kept trying to get shit together to leave, right? He wanted to go back so bad and have this domestic life w his friends but in the end he just got so downtrodden that after his shit got blown up he was so ready to just GIVE UP.

“And I don't wanna die I don't wanna get left behind But it's better half than none I hope to god you have some fun”

He doesn’t want to be in this situation, he still CARES abt the lmanberg crew but in the end hes been told that they’re happy WIHTOUT him. He’s not angry at them, not anymore, he just wants them to be happy bc he isn’t.

2.       Sleep with a Baseball Bat – tommy and dream relationship baby!!

“And every time you wake up Thinking this could be the day Well something, something just”

Every day in exile he had no real plans. He just had to exist out there alone and hope someone else came. This IS the day he can do…. Something. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t have a goal.

“And when your love is an anxiety attack Don’t settle for that, don’t settle for that And when you wake and find the claw marks in your back Sleep with a baseball bat, sleep with a baseball bat”

Hes been manipulated into thinkin dream is his friend, that dream “loves” him but it makes him miserable! Hes paranoid and stressed and falling apart!! Boy!!! Fjdsklfj

“Siena says you’re getting used But something’s broken in your head And you can’t run away when you need to”

The other ppl who visited him, like ranboo, KNEW something was happening and that he was in a bad place but tommy had been manipulated by dream so much that he couldn’t process it. No, dream couldn’t be bad, dream was his friend, right? He couldn’t leave exile, dream would be upset. Its all what DREAM wants, not tommy.

“Hey, space cadet Are you still floating round the rock That you spent so much of your life trying to get away from? And does it at least look different from up there?”

OKAY SO ONE. SPACE CADET? THAT’S CLARA BABY!! TWO: he spent ALL his time on this server fucking fighting dream, trying to “get away from” him. But now hes stuck “floating around” with him as his “friend”. The last line feels sarcastic and bitter but like. FUCK it hits, yknow??

“It might take a couple tries till you believe it But love is real, you’ll figure it out, you’ll live to see it But you still have to take a couple of falls And you can’t make an omelet without breaking your balls So batter up Is your bed made? Is your helmet on?”

HAPPY ENDING POG!! HE STARTS HEALING!!!! HE STARTS REALIZING DREAM WASN’T HIS FRIEND!!! He still “falls” and relapses into wanting dream w him but hes so much better!!! Also,,,,, “is your helmet on” w the turtle shell helmet (eyes emoji)

3.       Brother – IF TECHNO AND TOMMY NOT BROTHERS WHY THIS SON—(gunshot rings out)

Okay so on a serious note this song is abt addiction and while I don’t want to take away from that Serious Topic, it Does relate but w tommy dealing w his ptsd of dream

“And brother, if you have the chance to pick me up And can I sleep on your couch To the pound of the ache and pain? Oh, in my head 'Cause I'm awake all night long To the drums of the city rain”

Hhrhnrng staying at technos place to hide from dream and get better a lil JFKDLSJK. Also “the drums of the city rain” is referenced a LOT in this song but like. It keeps him up so,,,,,, dream JFKDLSJF. Mans barely ever slept in exile so it WORKS okay jfkdlsjf

“The lights we chase The nights we steal The things that we take to make us feel this (To the drums of the city rain)”

This is him and techno livin together!! Like in the first chorus you could see lights we chase being tommy finding techno’s place, then later it’s the lights of lmanberg as they sneak in. the nights they steal is both just time spent together and also straight up the times they stole shit JFKDSLJ. “the things that we take to make us feel” is the gapples tommy always eats so that he can feel safe (also, bc in the og song this is PROBABLY abt drugs and potions are drugs in universe so. Arguably getting a potion effect from the apple means it is Also Drugs? Fjdkslfj)

“I can't go back I don't think I will I won't sleep tonight as long as I still Hear the drums of the city rain”

Go back to logstedshire or lmanberg you ask?? The answer is yes. Both. He feels like he doesn’t belong in lmanberg and logstedshire is too traumatizing for him to return at this point. As long as he “hears the drums of the city rain”, or is thinking of dream, he Cant Sleep:tm:

“Does anyone have the guts to shut me up? 'Cause I believe that every night There's a chance we can walk away So hold on tight Because I won't wait too long In the drums of the beating rain”

Okay so hear me out but. This is just tommy and dream. “I believe that every night theres a chance we can walk away” is tommy hoping desperately for dream to let him go home, to walk away from logstedshire. He never will be permitted, not really, but theres a chance that tommy clings to. He wont “wait too long” while out in exile and stuck w dream bc hes desperate and miserable (also fun fact these analysis is basically me just pmv’ing shit in my head and rambling vaguely abt it but like. Listen,,,, flashback verse jfkdsljf) ALSO. The line “does anyone have the guts to shut me up” in relation to exile!tommy is just VERY important to me. Mans was so quiet and afraid to speak up when in exile.

“'Cause the nights don't last And we leave alone Will you drive me back? Can you take me home? (To the drums of the city rain)”

Following up that last paragraph, this is still in flashback. The days end and dream leaves again, making tommy alone. He asks if he can go back, if he can see home and lmanberg and everyone. But echoing the “to the drums of the city rain” after home CAN imply that “home” has become logstedshire WITH DREAM even tho it keeps him up and aaAAAAAHHHH

I swear this ends up okay and techno + tommy focused fjkdsljf

“Faces I don't know I am tired in the glow”

He feels isolated from everyone during his exile and lashes out at those who visit, to the point he feels like they’re all more or less strangers and “faces he doesn’t know”. Being tired in the glow is, imo, him over the lava.

“Of the freezing club Keep me breathing Don't make the lights come back Can you take me home? We all need this When we leave alone”

Hhhngg okay so tommy breakdown time! Hes in techno’s house (the freezing club) and is just pleading for techno to help. Don’t let “the lights come back” (lava again maybe? He doesn’t want to be Like This?) and just wants to feel like hes at home because hes just left exile and hes Messed Up Over It

“Remember when you and I would make things up? So many nights, just take me down To the place we can hear them play I miss that sound 'Cause now we don't sing so loud To the drums of the city rain”

OKAY SO THEY MAY NOT BE CANON FAMILY BUT WILBUR REMEMBERS SPARRING W TECHNO AS A KID AND PHIL IS HIS CLOSE FRIEND SO THEY STILL KNEW EACH OTHER AS KIDS SO SHUSH FJSDKL. Tommy just wants things to go back to how they were, before everything. When things were easy and they were kids just having fun. He misses it. Before exile, before lmanberg, before dream. But it doesn’t matter, because they’re stuck in this now. With his brother dead and his closest friend being the man who killed his best friend and helped blow up his country. Again, the drums of the city rain is dream. Because of his influence, its all different.

Hhhngngngn this is too long so I wont go into the last outro bc you can interpret it a LOT of ways, esp depending on how you want to Pace this song w the exile arc. But like. The analysis is THERE if you really wanna push it/animatic it babeyyy

[laughing-with-god]

BTS as Yandere (Based on their Venus and Mars Signs)

(We don’t know BTS’s exact birthtime and location so the placements are just general predictions and not precise.  Astrology is something I think reveals a lot about a person but I am in no way saying that all the members are like this)

Seokjin-

Venus in Capricorn.

Takes a long time for it to develop yandere habits/mindset.  But once he gets there, there is no turning back.  

Probably fell for you bc he can see a future with you. He’s very strategic and attracted to accomplished individuals so your career, work ethic or lifestyle probably drew his attention.  You had to impress him in some way.

Fan of older partners.  it’s okay if you’re younger but you still have to be mature.  Childish behavior really pisses him off.  

Capricorn is about control, once he has you he wants to be in charge of the smallest things about you.  Your diet, what products you use, what shows you watch, the music you listen to and the friends you spend time with. 

Public image is very important to him, so he will not deal with any disobedience esp if you guys are out in public.  Wants the world to think you two are the perfect couple.   

Not that romantic, but very traditional.  Obsessed with planning for the future with you.  Looks at houses, talks about the schools nearby for your future kids.  While a venus in Pisces might write poetry for you and get you flowers, venus in Capricorn would ask to sign up for a joint bank account.  That’s romance to them.

Venus in Capricorn apparently like bigger butts, thighs and even duskier complexion.  Tall partners too.

Venus in Capricorn likes to take their time.  Even though he’s yandere, he still wants to progress slowly with you to savor the buildup and think about the story he will tell his kids about how he got with their mother.  No kisses on the first few dates, probably took months for you guys to fuck.  

Mars in Cancer

very protective of you.

He will have a family with you.  That’s not up for discussion.

Although his venus in cap makes him attracted to ambitious women, his mars in cancer makes it so that after being together for a while, he would ask you to be a stay at home sweetheart while he works and provides for you.

loves being depended on.  His cap and cancer both agree on this.  

Very lenient on punishment.  His cap will try to set harsh ground rules, but if you were to break them, just give him some teary eyes and he would fold completely.  he tends to settle on lectures instead of physical punishment. 

“Darling, it’s never to early to start shaping our future.  We need to figure out what private school to send our kids to and that would dictate where we live next.”

Yoongi-

Venus in Aries.

While other members would despise a partner who fights back all the time and gets mouthy, Yoongi would adore it.  

The sassier and more outspoken you are, the more Yoongi loves you.

One of the few members to not mind if you are independent, in fact it turns him on to know how capable you are on your own.  

He likes tension and fighting, bc it keeps the spark alive and he thinks you’re the sexiest when you are fiery and livid.  

Likes the chase.  Will def play your game.  If you give into him too easily, he’ll loose interest very fast,

Tends to like more tomboyish partners, laidback and straighforward.  Don’t be too sensitive or feminine, it will only anger him.

Likes for the relationship to move fast.  Will fuck you on the fist date if you let him.  He doesn’t understand the concept of waiting when you set his heart on fire like it’s nothing.  

Do. Not. Undermine. Him.  

If you say something, esp about his masculinity, he will flip shit and prob go out to kill some ppl just to prove that he is no bitch.  aries are sensitive to their assertiveness being tested.  Very competitive as well.  

Quick tempered at times, but not the type to hold a grudge.  

Any competitors for your affection will be dealt with.  utmost violence as well.  

Not the type to take you out for dinner and a movie every time you guys go out on dates, wants to have exciting dates with you.

Enjoys the company of younger partners, a youthful energy is needed to keep up with him.

Mars in Cancer.

protective as hell.

He will be violent, but never at you. The type to hurt people around you rather than you.  Just enough to get his point across.

“Thanks to your bitchy behavior, (friend) can expect a broken arm tomorrow.  Hope you’re happy.”  

possessive over you.  

Needs to be told you love him.  Just for reassurance.

A family would be nice, but he would be happy with just one kid or some pets.  

Your guys’ shared home is sacred to him.  People can’t just come over.

“Doll face, I’m bored.  Let’s fight.  We can have hot makeup sex afterwards.”

Namjoon-

Venus in Scorpio.

Shit.  

Run bitch.

High key, venus in Scorpio is one of the most yandere placements to exist.  

Obsession is his middle name.

The moment he met you, he knew he had to have you.  His mindset is almost scary.  

He could barely know you but he already is experiencing a need to consume your entire mind, soul and body like no other.  

The deepest desire which taints his mind until he cannot think of anything else.  

Convinced you two are soulmates.  

Attracted to partners that are sexy, mysterious, able to enchant him whilst barely trying.  Darker and more sensual clothes are preferred on his lovers.  For girls, something very womanly and grown.  For a guy, something manly and appealing to your form.  

Possessive.  An unquenchable thirst to dominate his lover.  He loves the idea of completely taking over someone so magnetizing.  

You have to be very intelligent, he needs stimulating conversation.  You can’t just be sexy without a brain.  

really likes your scent.  Not the perfume you wear or the shampoo you use, but your actual natural scent.  Might sniff your used clothes to get it.  Doesn’t mind if you haven’t showered in a couple days.  (weird but I read this somewhere and I can totally see it so hop off)

Doesn’t take things slow.  why should he when he knows that you two are going to end up together either way?  would fucking marry you after knowing you for two months.  

Not above mind games in order to get you to stay.

Very romantic, but some of the things he says raises red flags.

“I would kill for you, (Y/n).”

Mars in Cancer.

This only enhances some of his venus in scorpio.  

VERY protective.  VERY possessive.

Way more likely to end up with a younger partner, this would also aid his venus in scorpio’s need to dominate and consume his partner.  

Unlike the other mars in cancers, I think he would physically punish you at times.  (more sexually themed punishments though) never enough to actually seriously harm you.  A light spanking here and there that feeds his need to be the dominant one.  

very smart with getting rid of people in your life.  It happens over time and they would always be labelled missing.  

Wants to be the only person you need, will provide for you too.  Idk if he would want a fam bc venus in scorpio is very tunnel vision and kids may fuck with that.  

“We’re soulmates baby.  Don't kid yourself.  No one on this god green earth will understand you or care for you as much as I do.”

Hoseok-

Venus in Pisces.  

Attracted to softer and sweeter partners.  He wants to be slapped into a dreamy state when he sees you.

Very romantic.  Poems, songs, flowers, chocolates, five-star dining ect.  

eager to please you in any way.  Type to leave his house at 4 am and hit up your place to deliver ice cream just bc you ran out.

very emotional with you.  Your phone could die and you can’t answer his text, therefore 30 minutes later Hoseok would be sobbing and begging at your doorstep to not leave him.  

Very self-pitying.  Hard to explain but have you ever been mad at someone and instead of defending themselves, they just kinda say stuff like; “You’re right.  I’m the worst kind of person.  I should just die already.”  

He’s like that whenever you’re mad at him.  He likes to play the guilt card a lot.  

Enjoys smaller lovers, or petite people.  Likes feeling bigger than his partner.  (don't come for me guys, I literally just read this and it kinda made sense to me. Pisces are depicted as more elfish figures so he probably finds it attractive.)

Cuddling is so vital to him.  it’s as if he charges himself up or something because he can literally experience withdrawls.

Loves it if you’re really sweet and charitable. also if you are into arts or occult themes, Hoseok would be so intrigued and want to learn from you

Works himself into obsessive fantasies, Pisces love escapism and he tends to day dream about you 24/7.  

Least likely among the members to be violent to you or anyone else for that matter.

He would hurt himself before anyone else.  He likes acting very depressed or gloomy (in extreme cases, getting himself bruised and bloody) in order to get your affection and worry.  

Mars In Aquarius.

Still stands true that he wouldn’t hurt other people.  He’s very logical despite being yandere and he knows that you’re not sleeping with the waiter who lingered too long.  

Aquarius is very logical, so he could be very calculating with his emotional manipulating.  Like tell you his dad just got diagnosed with cancer and induldge in your cuddles and coddling, but little did you know his dad has had it for years.  

Punishment is very aloof.  You just loose privilages.  

Least likely to have an age preference out of the members.

Into some really kinky or odd/taboo things in the bedroom.  At the very least, he’s very willing to experiment.  

“Sugarplum~!  Aren’t you so sad for me right now?  Please, give me cuddles.  Those always make me feel better.”

Jimin-

Venus in Scorpio

Very desperate to know every little thing he can about you.  

You haunt his mind even if it was just a brief encounter that you had with him.  

also wants to consume your very mind, body and soul.  

Attracted to sexy over cute.  Curves, dark and sensual clothes, alluring mannerisms and husky voice.  He wants to be magnetized by you, unable to forget you even if he tried.

Obsessive, mind consuming, passionate love for you which depths kind of terrify you.  

loyal and dedicated.  Your enemies are his enemies now.  (This includes anyone who happened to give you a less than warm glance).  

Sex is very important to a venus in scorpio, he feels like it’s the only way to properly express his love through mind-numbing pleasure he can give to you.  

He moves fast once he’s with you.  he doesn’t want to go through the fluffy bullshit of waiting so long to kiss, fuck or move in together when he’s 100% convinced you are his soulmate.  

Jealous.  No one should be able to look at you the way he does.  He’ll loose it.  

Wants to control you.  it’s the end-game.  

Doesn’t mind if you are younger or older but he will be the one in charge.  

A partner who has the appearance of dominance but will be very submissive to him is what he craves.

Likes marking his territory.  Leaves bruises, hickies or makes you wear couple clothes, his clothes or a necklace or something to make him feel the thrill of ownership.  

will write his name on you if you let him.  Just a permanent markered ‘Park Jimin’ on your forearm or something.  

But he would be so happy if you did the same to him as well.

You belong to him just as much as he belongs to you.

Mars in Scorpio.

Protective, possessive.  you know the drill.  

Punishments with you are sexual.  

Power play with him in charge is also a big factor in your sex life.  

Can and will murder anyone he deems a threat.  

Even your family and friends have to keep their distance.  

“Jagi, my name is beginning to fade off your arm.  Let’s touch it up, yeah?”

Taehyung-

Venus in Aquarius.

Attracted to someone very different and unique. 

It can be your looks, your ethnicity, personality, career or interests but for whatever reason; you stood out.  

Big age gaps are seen here.  Doesn’t matter if you are younger or older but chances are, it’s by ALOT.

Doesn’t follow dating normalities.  Couldn't give less of a shit about dating or courting. if he wants you, he is going to get you.  

Turned on by taboo relationships and sex.  Like if it’s forbidden for you two to be together, it’ll only spur him on more.  

Teacher/student, boss/worker, affairs, age gaps.  Anything society might look at with an eyebrow raise.  

Very kinky in the sheets, wants to try everything at least once.  

Aquarius is very cold and aloof sometimes, so Tae wouldn’t get jealous.  He has mastered the mask of indifference.  If someone tries talking to you in effort to get with you, Tae would just laugh bc it’s almost funny how they thought they had a chance with you.  

You must be very interesting intellectually, he wants a partner he can learn from.  

His yandere habits come out when you try to block him out from your life, or try to lessen his control over you.  

He craves authority over you, this is only added to bc his mars is in Capricorn. 

Wants to make small changes about you, then eventually big ones.  

Like it’s really subtle too, he’ll say something like “Oh, I really like that style, you should wear it more.”  And then a month later, he’s in control of your wardrobe. 

His methods are very sly.  He doesn’t threaten you or make a big show of putting you into submission, he much rather just plant a seed in your mind and wait for nature to take it’s coarse.  

Loves surprising you and playing games.  Will stop talking to you for like a week and then theres a knock on your door and damn, he sent you Gucci.

Doesn’t want you to be able to figure him out.  Always thinking of the next unpredictable thing he could do to keep you one your toes.  

Mars in Capricorn.  

After the push and pull game is over and he has put you into a submissive state for him, he wants to begin a more traditional life.  House, kids, you became a stay at home lover.    

Just bc he becomes a family man doesn’t mean that the freaky sex has to stop.

Possessive of you and your future kids.  

The type to teach his future kids on yandere and how they should make sure ‘mommy never tries to leave daddy’.  

Punishments are physical, and very harsh.  He’s all about that discipline and will not be talked down when he thinks you broke one of his rules. 

“Why is it wrong for me to make choices for you?  I know what best after all.  Have I ever failed you?  Even when people told me to break up with you because our relationship wasn’t cookie-cutter.”

Jungkook

Venus in Libra. 

The opposite of Yoongi. He wants someone who is very feminie and ‘girly.’

Dresses, pastel colors, nice perfume, charming, docile manners and sweet sounding voice.  

Wants very bad to prove himself to you.  Virgos and Libras are people pleasers so the fact that his sun and venus are these two signs just tells me that he desperately will try to get you to like him.  

Will change his style, his hair, his voice whatever he has to do to get you to pay him attention.  

Very romantic.  Thinks you deserve the best so that will always reflect in the dates he takes you on or the gifts he gives you.  

Libra is ruled by venus so love is something that he simply cannot live without.  He fantasizes about marriage and furture plans with you.  

Will call you ‘wifey’ if you let him.  

He adores you.  

Worships the ground you walk on.  

Which is why his yandere tendencies will have to walk around your desires.  

Like you tell him to stop looking through your bedroom windows at night,  he can’t bring himself to do it anymore bc that would be going against you directly.  

BUT you didn’t say he couldn’t install cameras.

King of loopholes.  

Like a mechivous kid who loves his mom and doesn’t want to get scolded, but he still wants to sneak in some cookies from the jar.  

He isn’t the punisher of the relationship, YOU are.  

If he does something that angers you, just don’t talk to him for literally an hour or so and he’d go crazy.  

the fear of losing you is too great.  

Another one who really enjoys your scent.  It’s like crack to him.  

Prone to stealing a small thing froom you, like a scarf or a blanket that has your scent on it.  

If you were to be away from him for a while, he would just steal your perfume and spray it on his hoodie so he could feel like you were hugging him.  

Might even buy your perfume for himself.....

Mars in Scorpio.

Very protective of you and cannot handle the possibility of anyone being with you the way he is.  

He will get very brutal with anyone he considers a threat, no one is safe.  You can literally walk an old man across the street and Jungkook would still think the fucker was trying to cup a feel. 

very sexual, switches between being dominant and submissive.  It’s mainly focused on pleasing you bc of libra and virgo but mars is the planet of sex and with that in scorpio means he can be a dom.

Jungkook is (and I say this with all my heart) a switch with sub preference.

Wants to know you like no one else ever has.  You know how the members with scorpio venus are so intense? Jungkook has that side to him too.    

….it’s just hidden behind the sweeter venus libra.

“Princess, please stop ignoring me.  You’re my goddess, I can’t handle not being acknowledged by you.  Just tell me what to do to make it better.”

[studylustre]

hello carol, on december 30 i will turn 20... god im no longer a teen!!! but i still look 12 though... ppl also treat me like im the maknae of the group. i dont like makeup so i'll be stuck with my babyface until 40 haha. since you are a 20-year-old urself, what do you want to say to us who are about to turn 20 soon?? tips on better adulting? life lessons?? ily btw pls never stop being a great person. my studyblr will never be as bomb af as urs but i try to be like you in a noncopycat way:))))

hello!! oh wowowoww how exciting - i turned 20 on the 1st of november and whilst everything is pretty much the same, it’s so weird to think that i’m entering?? a different era of my life?? that’s so freaky to think about lmao, in the best way possible. anyway, is this like a “20 things i learned at 20″ kinda thing?? bc if so,, i got u (ps this ask is so cute bless u and i love u)

1. choose the people who choose you sounds dumb + obvious but as someone who chased the approval of people who couldn’t care less for a solid part of their high school years, trust me when i say it’s so so important to surround urself with the people who love you unconditionally for you. don’t change urself or make urself into something you’re not for others bc it’s never worth it. and on that note,,,

2. don’t be friends with people for the sake of having “friends”i get a lot of asks about fake friends + toxic friendships and it makes me so sad. you all deserve so much better than to stick with toxic people who hurt you and take you for granted. i know it’s tough and a nerve-wracking process to confront them or leave them, but please stand up for yourselves and don’t let people walk all over you in the name of “friendship”. demand respect, and if they’re unwilling to give it to you, leave them for the people who will. you all deserve wholesome and healthy friendships that leave you feeling fulfilled and happy.

3. work hardagain, seems obvious but when you’re in school/college/whatever it seems like procrastination and general slacking off is the easier + better option. please do yourselves a favour and work hard, even when you don’t feel like it. you owe it to yourself (and specifically your future self, who believe me, will thank you for it) to do well in life, and that comes as a result of hard work.

4. wear sunscreen. seriouslyskincare is SO important and a vital part of that is wearing spf (factor 50 or above, always) to protect your skin. even if you think you won’t care, you probably will when you’re older so just apply some goddamn spf before you leave the house + reapply regularly throughout the day if it’s particularly sunny. it literally takes like 5 seconds and your skin will thank you for it. speaking of skincare….

5. wash your face and invest in skincare that works for youskincare culture was so big in 2017 and i hope this trend continues because skincare is, as previously mentioned, v v v v important. you don’t have to buy the most expensive stuff, but if it whatever you use works well for you, it’s worth investing in. make sure you cleanse your face every morning and every night and moisturise. do a face mask every now and then, and if you wear makeup, never fall asleep with your makeup on or i swear to god i will find you, break into your house and remove your makeup myself bc i am THAT committed to the anti ‘not removing your makeup before bed’ cause. (psst: if you haven’t tried it already, retinoid is a miracle worker and is definitely worth checking out. do your research on it first though bc it’s a time consuming process to work it into your skincare routine)

6. drink!! water!!!!!!y’all,,, staying hydrated is v v important. ik it’s not the most exciting beverage choice out of juice and coffee and tea etc but it’s the best for your body and for your skin, so make sure you drink at least a litre of water a day!! if you want to make it more interesting, you can stick some fruit in, or even cucumber (which is rly nice!!). also, hot water is rly good, especially with lemon and honey in

7. don’t sweat itthis sounds neurotypical af and i don’t want to trivialise your emotions at all, but when it comes to small things like a low grade on one assignment or missing a deadline one time etc, it’s not a big deal. is it ideal? no. but will it affect you dramatically, 20 years from now? also no. it may feel like the end of the world and it might make you sad (which is understandable!!) but don’t work yourself up too much over it because the likelihood of it affecting you a year from now, or even a month or a week, is very very low. sometimes you just have to laugh and move on (and if you cry a little bit while doing so, then that’s your prerogative. i won’t judge you. just keep your chin up high and move on - you’re doing great!!)

8. learn to cookplease don’t be one of those people that turn up to uni and don’t know how to make toast. learn at least one recipe, and learn it well. you should always have at least one recipe under your belt to feed yourself. also, if you haven’t already, learn how to do laundry.

9. if there’s something you want to do but you haven’t because you’ll do it “one day”, do it now. just start. it’s either “one day”, or “day one”. what are you waiting for?

10. take a breakit’s important to work hard but it’s also important to rest when needed. you are not a machine. go for a walk, hang out with friends, bake some cookies, take a bath, do whatever that’s not related to your work. it’ll do you a world of good to distance yourself from your work for a little while - when you come back to it, you’ll be refreshed + ready to get shit done

11. always listen to your gut instincteven if everyone’s telling you otherwise, listen to your instincts. they (your gut lmao) know what they’re talking about, and in my experience, they’re never wrong.

12. know when you’re in the wrong, and apologise for itlisten,,, as a v petty and stubborn person ik this can be a tough pill to swallow but sometimes you just gotta put your pride aside, own up to your mistakes and move on. don’t be that person who can never admit when they’re in the wrong, bc they suck.

13. appreciate the beauty in the little things like sunsets, the night sky, the first snow. everything is temporary and life is a little less stressful and more enjoyable when you slow down and appreciate what’s around you.

14. unless it’s not the norm in your country, always leave a tip.just don’t be one of those assholes that writes shit like “don’t eat yellow snow” in the place of actual money, because as a waitress, i can confirm that everyone in the restaurant will hate you

15. if you want a haircut/dye your hair/change up your look somehow but you’re too nervous in case it “doesn’t suit you”, just do it anyway.hair is just hair and it will grow out. same with makeup - if it doesn’t work out, you can just remove it (and that’s never the case because in my experience it always works out, so just try it out and stick with it!!) makeovers are fun and life changing in the best and most superficial way.

16. treat yourself to things you like, but know when to dial it back and savei’m always encouraging people to treat themselves, but it’s important to save money too. try putting 10% or 20% or whatever percentage you’re comfortable with of your wages into your savings every month. your future is always worth investing in. and on that note…

17. things also worth investing in: good books, lingerie, perfume, shoes, your dreams

18. take pictures of/with your loved ones more.

19. always stop to pet cats/dogs you see in the street, and if you’re driving, always brake for birds

20. be kind, even when you don’t feel like it.

[lovedlovingly]

Okay so I had the craziest dream that I just woke up from imma copy paste it here as I wrote to a friend on disc horse

Okay I just had the craziest dream....

Like... Holy shit I'm trying to just.... Capture it all all feelings and wow

I think I was in Stockholm but it still felt like home, and all of a sudden looking up at the sky there's like... We have an asteroid belt? Everyone's just???? It's a clear blue day and there's so many big boulders in the sky :O it ws so pretty

Only thing is... They start getting closer hahaha super slowly

So basically I had an end of the world nightmare/cool dream

It was all about finding a shelter, while still roaming around seeing those big ass stones in the sky closing in and it was like???? Idk how big they'll be closing in? Also why hadn't anyone gone out with a warning about this long before?

I talk to two girls who I noticed the sky fenomen with and one of them is like "I know a guy who has a bomb shelter let's go ask him" and I was like aight I'm with u! (my last apartment complex actually had one Idk if this one does 😅 so in my dream I didn't know of anything safe and it was a relief a stranger was willing to help)

So she leads me maybe... Idk it's not far more like tricky to get there, the distance to the shelter varies in my dream it feels like it's around the corner but it's maybe a 20-30min walk

So this farmer guy is all "oh yeah we've seen that too, if u buy something of my produce I'll let u in on my shelter" and there's a lot of ppl around, that has taken his deal and that are gonna take it, but there's no hurry it's a feeling of everyone will fit I'm just a bit panic mode because I don't have any of my belongings on me hahaha

I buy two super big paprikas and they were so fucking yummy,, he was so proud of them and it was so understandable

A lady was making usual banter after a while like "oh I'm never able to make mine taste anything when I grow them at home" and im like ha ha okay

Again I look up into the sky and the asteroid belt is way closer now

Like those stones are HUGE and they're falling down in a like... Slowmotion feel but u know in space it's FAST

so me and the girl is like how long til they hit? And farmer is like "Idk but most likely 1.5h" and then someone from the shelter shouts for a mirror and I'm like "I have one I can bring" and he doesn't mind, like that guy is all super chill but if I can keep the ppl in the shelter calm why not

So i call my dad (it turns into a family heavy dream at this point) and tell them about the shelter, idk why but he shouts at me angrily, and is like "I have my bag at your place u have to bring it!!!!" and I was like... Ok? Sure? I just have to try and put everything I need in a bag first and time is running out and he's like "just being it to the shelter" - like I have to carry two heavy bags 30min trip to my place, do everything I can in a hurry, get back 30min with everything - before they close the shelter

I was sweating Lmao all I could think of was my pad, I was like I need it, I can draw on it it'll calm my nerves when being in a dark bunker lol

So omw home (which now is omw to my parents house, probably because I was at a farm so my head was like oh country side) all of a sudden it gets harder and harder to move forward and some girls out playing in their yard is like "it's the magnetism and gravity from the asteroids, they're starting to mess with us" it was like moving through water and I was running out of time :/

Still it was like a clear sunny day, so everything was peaceful in that sense and again the asteroid belt was so visible

What I still tried to figure out was like... Ok... This belt is gonna cut down on earth like a whip, am I really so unlucky I'm in the hit zone or is it gonna miss me and were all just gonna sit infront of the TV and be like "holy shit that's happening in other parts of the world rn? Scary!!" orrr is it actually gonna hit me full force on and do I really need to get to the shelter for my own life

While at home (now I kinda lived in a 2ft square place with a bunkbed Idk but yeah messy dream) I kinda gave up

Another dream started in the middle of it kinda like a cartoonish thing, and it felt like I woke up from that back to the end of the world scenario so... Inception?

And I was a guy at this point 🤔I think it was the apartment as soon as I got out of it I was myself again hahah

But it took me a while to get out of it :/ I was depressed, I had no motivation, the earth was going to hell, I had fallen asleep instead of packing.... Yeah I was like... Apathy panicing

So somehow I still got myself together, I still don't know how or why I know it involved my family but I don't know how if they were just "were at the shelter" and I was like "oh right shelter" Hahah could have been that simple

Anyhow it was... Like... No chance of me making it by running back :) so my kind dream world dreamt up a helicopter for me

I saw someone else had landed one too on the farm and the farmer just closed the door to the shelter from the outside so I was hiiii wait for meeee

And he was calm as ever and just, Ofc there's room for u (: head on in

He closed the door behind me

It was a super big place, u know those nuclear war scare bases from like was it 70ties? 60ties? Whole ass house down here

Still I was scared because the shelter wasn't a bunker, it was above ground, all we could hope for was the walls being strong enough to take on asteroids

In the beginning there were lots of ppl, when the real moment grew closer it was just me and my family in that space

Idk what happened with the rest

The farmer never got inside Idk what happened to him

But there was this big panorama window, which again made me nervous like how much it could take, but it was also like... Ok... Live right here and now what is gonna happen

And then the first asteroid hit, and it smashed the car out front and everyone was kinda nervously joking like "hate to be that guy" but also it was a ok... It has started...

Are we in the middle of it, how many more, was that it? Did it all hit at once or were they in different distances?

And then is kinda starts raining boulders

Like these things are all from x5 to x20 my own size but I'd have nothing on their weight lol

Whole ground starts shaking like the room breaks free because it kinda shoots up from the force of asteroids hitting the ground, room starts to move and were in for a ride that we all can watch from that window... It was surreal

I know one of the smaller asteroids bouncing off a big one and hitting the window and it left a good dent so we were like "okay and that was a baby one" so we all knew if a big one hit we'd probably be smashed like the car

Nothing around us was looking the same anymore, it was just explosion after explosion and since we didn't have a view of the sky (we were sliding downwards the mountain side towards the lake so we were kinda more facing down than seeing the sky) so we had no way of knowing if it was over or not

If any boulders were chasing us or not, waiting to crush us loll

Then we got to a halt and the first second we did mom opened the door and was like "tahats it?" and I was like???? It might not be??? Close the door??? For all our sake???

And she was just like naaah who cares, as usual it's about what she wants and she knows best uwu

So I ditched them LMAO

I got out of the shelter, found some girl that had survived, she was all happy and giddy because scientists would have so much new data to work with in the future, and we were both like wow that happened

Idk if that was it or if there were more asteroids coming, anyway it didn't feel scary anymore and I woke up :O

[er1anne]

It's 3am and I need to get this off my chest

DONT READ THIS ITS TOO FUCKING LONG

I love NCT

So

So

Much

When I first heard of them and the kind of limitless membership they were assigned I thought SM was crazy like “oh honey what r u doin’ ?” Kinda feeling and I thought it would never work and I wouldn’t like them. I’ve seen their pre debut stuff and I loved their dance covers and their photo shoots showcasing their cute and talented side and i promised myself I’ll get into them when they debut but after hearing that concept piece idk

BUT THEN NCT U CAME OUT

I shit u not when I saw Mark’s teaser for the seventh sense I was immediately entranced. Hooked. Shooketh. A feeling of I need to stan them immediately and OMG THEYRE FINALLY DEBUTING AND OKAY LEMME GIVE THEM A CHANCE

And I thank myself every day for giving them a chance because I completely fell in love with this group. They’re SUPER TALENTED

LIKE CAN WE PLEASE MENTION HOW TALENTED THEY ALL R

I SHIT U NOT THERE IS NO DANCE HOLE IN NCT

NONE

AND EVEN IF SOME R BETTER THAN OTHERS THEYRE STILL SUCH A TIGHT KNIT AND WELL ORGANIZED DANCE GROUP THAT REALLY COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER?!???

Whether they r in a group of 5 or 9, they really make sure the audience pays attention to the details, Big or small, their choreography has to offer. THE PRECISION AND SHARPNESS THEY PUT INTO THEIR CHOREO STILL AMAZES ME EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE THEM PERFORMLIKE PLS STAN TALENT?!?

Even the youngest NCT unit (Dream <3) may have a cute and bubbly easy going concept but let me tell u that their CHOREO is anything BUT EASY OKAY

DANCING

ON HOVERBOARDS?!?

AND IF Y'ALL DDNT SEE THE LIL DETAIL IN THEIR CHEWING GUM CHOREO RENJUN HAD TO JUMP OVER JISUNG WHO WAS ZOOMING PASS HIM WITH A HOVER BOARD AND IMMEDIATELY GOT BACK ON THAT THING DO U UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH PRACTICE THEY HAD TO GO THROUGH TO PERFECT THAT?!???

AND FOR THEIR MFAL CHOREO THEY HAD TO LAY IN A CIRCLE AND PULL EACH OTHER IN A TIGHT CIRCLE THEN IMMEDIATELY GET BACK UP LIKE IT WAS EASY AS 3.14 PI?!???

They just amaze me so much with their choreography. Every comeback they've had their choreography has improved over the other one. Always challenging themselves into a bigger and better performance outdoing their old ones. ALL THIS TALENY I needa lay down

Don’t even get me started on SRB15_0701 Dance Practice LAWD WAS THAT A MAGICAL EXPERIENCE

and I’m also so happy they work with some of the most amazing choreographers in the world and I guess we have SM Ent to thank for that despite how much I hate them 🙃

AND THE VOCALS

i need to exercise some breathing techniques before I get into them

When I tell u as much as I hate SM I love their vocalists

IMO as a k-pop fan SM puts out the most talented vocalists in the industry

And NCT is no exception

Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Taeil have showcased their vocals with Without You and with their other previous SM ROOKIES performances Donghyuck is out here singing you’ll be in my heart and Play Boy and getting them lines in Dream (side eyes 127 tho)

But I wanna give a special shout out to our moon TAEIL!!! His voice is like a warm blanket on a chilly Sunday morning when rain is falling. His voice is suited to sing OSTs and I hope SM gives him more ost opportunities in the near future

Vocal line hasn’t been exposed a lot but I’m sure ppl will really appreciate their vocals more once SM gives them more opportunities to do so

If SM doesn’t…well we just have to do it the old fashion way and survive on pre debut performances 🙃

DONT GET ME STARTED WITH THEM RAPPERS THO OKAY

MARK’S LIL “YOU DO” STILL AFFECTS ME TO THIS DAY AND MAS CITY STILL SHAKES MY BOOTS ALSO THEYRE RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING ME CALL LIFE ALERT MULTIPLE TIMES BECAUSE OF THEIR EXPLICIT SONGS (looking at u baby don’t like it and whiplash >.>) AND THE FACT THAT TAEYONG AND MARK WRITE THEIR OWN LYRICS AND HAVE IT APPROVED BY THEIR AGENCY TO RELEASE IT MEANS THEIR TALENT IS RECOGNIZED !!!!!!!

TRULY SM’S BEST RAPPERS 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

ALSO THEY EXCELT AT LANGUAGES, MCing, RADIO HOSTING, AND DJing

Let stalk about the foreign members tho. Let’s not forget those who left their home country to chase their dreams and be who they are today. How many of u can actually admit to being strong enough to pack ur bags and go to another country to learn a new language and learn a whole new different culture while others will inevitably judge u on who u r just cuz ur different? I’m amazed at all of them because they really taught me ur hard work and sacrifice won’t go in vain. Even if u have to wait a while to debut

Imma get into each of the members too cuz god do I love them so much!!!! But in another post cuz this is too long lmao peace imma sleep 😴

[fertile-delirium-blog]

You know, everything I ever worked towards, care about, love or have been lucky to come across or been given an opportunity to, I’ve always gotten to a point where I fuck everything up realise where I went wrong or what I keep getting told I do or am and honestly everyone I ever believed enough to let in and be a bit of the real me or all of the real me, since I was little, I been trying to run from this sadness that I later found out is developed or called depression that I realise, I’ve never understood it, I never thought id have mental illness and I ran, I denied for so long.. people telling me I need help, I had a system that worked, a system that never allowed me to be verbally honest with anyone enough to actually get to know me , without the fear and what ifs that I now know is anxiety, funny I never really, really knew what it was but turns out the two together destroy my life, ever since high school, ive wanted to continually improve myself no matter what anyone said and the same time I maintained an image where I made myself make everyone view me the opposite of what I felt I was, when im angry, im actually upset, I made myself seem like I was okay enough n making it on my own so people wouldn’t view me as weak or a being who needed sympathy or attention or some street kid goimg nowhere when really, for too long all I wanted was to find where I belong n do what in my heart I felt n feel like will come back, be music that expresses things I can’t say or feels weird coming out of this mouth that isnt mine, dont feel right. Communication.. something ive never had real, experience with.. was mainly mute other than my outward image for my protection and other peoples shit for so many years before I met her, she made me want to talk, opened up n be the me I feel I am on the inside, but, how easy did I really think it was gonna be? …a lot easier than it was/is.. I’ve always been a lone wolf.. why did I think I could have a family life like that when… I convinced myself with this act I was over shit I wasn’t, that was my fuck up this is all before I fell in love and its funny… it’s a boy cries wolf story, she loved me.. I loved her but something in me didn’t let me properly love her the way I should’ve but if I knew then what I know, my god things would be different and this is what I was afraid of.. completely giving in to her that… I wouldn’t care about myself as much just wanted to make her n kids happy, that’s what made me happy that’s the reason for my being as the opportunity to do so after terrible things n times had us far away for a long time and realised that they the family I chose to have n m sorry I let you all down I’m sorry my bpd, bipolar depressive states is what im trying to focus on to gwt better, since I actually believed everyone but 18 years of unsaid, undealt with and put away in the black box f nothing, isn’t easy to unfold , realise grow, accept, change, love, heal myself and be what was wanted or needed to best of my ability, truth is with her, this focus on making my life a certain way disappeared, never thought it would happen.. i want to do n cater n help n just be n do or try to what it s she wanted if me, I tried I fucked up in the beginning, but still pay to this day.. sigh the balance of who I on the inside is out of whack n has changed.. I don’t think anyone ever did I thought I showed n expressed enough to understand, I guess, if im too sick to love I shouldn’t get on the way of where she wants to go n do, its a shame really, right girl wrong time, don’t care if we were meant to be or not the universe chose you that I loved that much I wanted to make a life, thins I did out of spite, jealousy, anger, major depressive states too much drugs or too long on drugs wasn’t really me, the me I thought you knew n loved was that you made me happy, only person to do that that’s not my siblings.. then there are your beautiful kids I’ve let down too many times.. idk what made me think I deserved you 3.. maybe the fact that I was hoping we all changed n we were happy, we were, that’s not fantasy, we had some great, great times ill never let go of wanted my career I chased for since I was a kid n ended up getting n wanted to have the normal family as well but I chose them in the end n always will but I gotta keep away for her, for them.. every time I get into this stupid certain major depressive state.. I do things to make it harder on myself but you know what the problem is.. the real me is hidden in a cube within and I can see everything.. and that’s not the real me. That’s something dark attached to me that wants to keep me hidden away.. so how do I defeat this other person I’m watching from the inside take over a beautiful physical being I don’t feel is mine and causing such pain for both her, I and my ex gf and her kids and tearing everything that’s mine (the inside) and hers(outside) causing such hate n was for each other n causes such distress for those who actually love me.. I would like you, any of you to hold my hand throughout me getting better.. but I also know I’ve had my times with help n no help n I run away.. I know how hard it is for anyone to love me.. or be there for me I want all to be happy n move on with their lives get And do things the deserve.. I don’t wanna hold anyone back jus because they care.. I’ve been alone since I was little.. may as well stay alone to the end.. cant bear to love.. there’s only her I will never have kids, it’ll always be them, don’t want to cause pain because I’m hard to love because I’m sad with myself n wanna make you happy same time.. god how did I get here.. I got nothing n no one.. at all n all I had before her was a dream I made into reality then set bar higher only to fall that fucking hard to be half the reason I hate myself and before that tried to be an accepted part of my family n moved on to my dream knowing my family will never know.. what ive felt, how low I sank at the age of 8, understand or acce ppl t me enough.. the most truth I can give them is that I want to die cos im not good enough for this world.. items are not feelings, being raped and beaten for 5 yrs of my childhood n being too scared to tell anyone due to death threats then once it comes into the open is apologetic and sad for then my mum gets angry at me cos she cant accept it sober,.. I do blame him.. but I also know that its my fault ive let him win and affect me as a person n how I grow for so long and being told o can do something bout it going to yoir mum n her telling me its no use they wont find anything too late to be then told 5 yrs later that, I can still do something about it.. and I havent.. all these little bits and pieces make sense from the moment of my mums impregnation to now that maybe, just maybe I was never supposed to have been born.. I don’t belong on this world, I was an unwanted mistake that had no friends got bullied, raped, beaten as a child to getting away from that man that is your brothers dad also and my brother ended up being my best friend mid teens to not even know what a friend is other than knowing not to let anyone know the bad I been through and alone.. always have been alone no one sees the me that stands behind this beautiful, sad but always fake smiling so i don’t seem so broken shell of mine.. no one can hear me but the people in my head and none of them want to let me out.. guess I don’t deserve anything else but being alone trying to fight people I can only hear.. if I used to see any of them..when I did see silhouetted bodies before I had too many drugs and certain.. things went away.. im sorry I blocked you out.. oh silhouetted bodies I miss you.. as scary as it would be sometimes.. you always helped me be strong enough for the next step, if it is you that torments me today.. why? And if it isn’t.. is it just mental illness?. Or is it so much more than that..

Was I killed or kill myself too early in past life I went straight through to this one??.. from the moment I was born I was not meant to exist.. im sorry to the people who love and care for me… none of you will see me again.. ill save you all the energy, the stress and the pain I’ve previously caused due to my own mind and my feelings but know if you could hear me.. not this voice of mine verbally.. but if you or i could translate it or if you could hear my inside voice I promise that all would be understandable.. no confusion, no bullshit, no actions I didnt make but she or they did.. they just want to break me.. all but one laugh at me, mock me, talk to me and then to her on the outside as a fucking game or to make us continually clash and that ruins me, my ex gf, and well because of all that I distanced from kids when asked.. and have gotten so far it breaks my god damn heart.. gonna be like my brother, like my sister.. cant be apart of their life, cant watch them grow but silently love all 3 of them silently from afar.. I don’t want anyone to love me and I don’t want to love anymore than I already do as long these people and depression n whatever else they say I got continues to win this fight.. hopefully at the moment.. they make m e want to die. For silence, no more memories, feelings and they make it known that this is not my body.. I a excluded from all beings.. even the one I reside in.. no support. Don’t want friends, don’t want family.. I just wish I could’ve gotten better for the ones I love and who love me.. im sorry .. I dont want a life anymore. I really realize .. I was not meant to.. I hope that everyone I love will hate me, already does,or will and can forget me.. I did have some real, real hapy good times with you mum, lola, jaiden, mia, rachele, LJh and TRh.. sorry Ive said and done some fucked up things and I hope if you do remember or think of me it wont always be bad because I had and was a genuine happy and fun girl at times. Especially with you guys. And im sorry if you guys dont know which ones are real and fake..im sorry .. I wanna get better but realising I was never meant to be here,n if I was it was to be alone n silent I was right tho.. im not here to have a life for me or make one for myself nd hurt people in process. I love in times of darkness and undenying voices… I dont need your care.. I dont want you to feel sorry I just hope when you think back on me maybe.. youll see the peaks of the inside me get let put due to the help from my outside n i ts something we don’t n wont talk bout..I wont make anyone put up with me just because they are or I am loved. Not anymore.. I love you all.. hope everyone gets what the want and deserve. And to the parents of whos kids I love as my own then just fucking distanced due to how I am not thinking boit if or how itd affect them.. im sorry fo all the wrong ive done by them but know how happy and grateful I am for you guys bringing them into this world.. we all know im shit at doing what im supposed to and moat times I was shit to them.. I dlnt k know if i t was noticeable but I did try.. but thank you for letting be apart of that and being “snips”.. and giving me a chance to love them and treat them like my own I wish I did better with all of you, their family, my family im sorry whatever this thing is im just sorry I ruined some good things and hurt people I love n who love me.. never again.

I love you all.. I feel like I didnt get to say it all.. but, o can’t keep crying.. I been typing for 2 hrs… I will be making another account and this will be my lalst post as mariah elrington. To the world and the people I love… im sorry. I hope ypu forgive me and see the good person I always tried to be I will love yo and appreciate you all forever.. im sorry that since I came to world I was doomed to be nothing but a problem but I swear.. I swear on everything… I always try to be better but fall harder.. doing this on my own and voices, my thoughts and the opinion of those who love me see the opposite to what im doing or how I am.. its really hard.. ive never done it this mentally tough before.. well on drugs trippin on non real stuff but this.. this is real life and for once, I dont have anyone to talk to even on a vague level.. not even a pen and paper.. this, this is all so o guess thank you tumblr idk how worst id be without you ..I love you all… this is the fkn truth.. I never meant for it any of it to be als bad as they are between my two families I love. I hope you can get it right, now without me, the problem, the burden,.the dralin and be happy I meam that from thr deep.side of my heart, I really hope I haven’t fucked it enough you wont recover.. but I may be a bit over my head.. they won’t care.. I mean they will for a short time,, but will be happy not long after no Im not saying im gonna kill myself, we all know I can’t. But none of you will see or hear from me again.. because I love you. And I love you alll im deeply sorry I couldn’t express or show it enough for that you guys to believe that a whole lot or know the extent of how much with how ive been but ti my blood family and made family… I love you all so much its because of you gus im doing this for you other wise ill never leave y'all alone cos I need y'all but can’t and won’t hurt anyone but myself anymore.. almost 3 hrs writing.. I still got more to say but gonna leave it there.. god damn it,I love you and I do hope my whole family have a good life n im sorry I ruined the parts of it that I did but be worry free I dont want anyone trying to reach out to me after this. Wil be ignored or unseen..

I love my families and im sorry I couldn’t get it right to be good enough well enough to not negatively affect you.

Have a great life, drink, party, love do the things you want and think o f me as okay if it helps just please,if you love me dont ever get worried.. dont ever assume anything just be be fucking happy, experience, travel, grow Chase dreams.. trust, they are possible no matter situation, lonliness or head space,long as you believe youre gonna.make i t real and do what you gptta to make it gappen, if some like me not even suppose to be alive can do it, you strong, smart beautiful family of mine I believe in you.. to all of you every age. and each everyone of you deserve it. The good fun or happy life with its obvious small obstacles that isn’t as stressful or hard t fix asits been as of late..

I am sorry. I love nd appreciate you all. And you will all always be in my mind And my hearts im sorry im too mental im sorry for all ive done.

I love you all.

Goodbye forever.. all 7 of you ill love always. Pls keep the good bout me in your hearts if you can’t forget. I miss you all like crazy wish I could see you all again to give a goodbye hug.. but a visioned one is gonna have to do. Know that’s the last thing youd recieve from me if that were the case.

Goodbye my precious family I loved dearly but took for granted and couldnt get better.. im sorry I put you all through so much. I really am I wish all of you could see how much love I got for each and everyone of you cos I know I didnt do that good of a job to make sure it was known but I hope it is not.. love you please be happy for me too, if its worth anything to any of you, cos idk how long it'll take to feel it again.

Goodbye fams.

-Mariah Elrington