#i still have beef with the way he made me feel about becoming a professional artist

[aster-draws]

do you take commissions? your art is just absolutely fantastic i cant help but ask. The way you do colors and the shape and style makes me go absolutely insane, i love it sm ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I currently don't do commissions, because I have a full time job and my spare time is spent on passion projects sorry ;-; I might open them up eventually, but i'm still getting back into the feeling of loving art again and I have just so little time ever

[notallwonder]

thinking again about cme 17x06. as one does.

Spoilers.

I wasn't going to post because I wrote this in a sort of fugue state after staying up super late watching the ep over and over when it first dropped. but I like having a record of what I was thinking, such as it is.

Esp about the brief discussion of BAUgate, and how jj specifically says her beef is that emily wasn’t honest with “...us, with *me*”. emily’s “I am” is earnest, but she’s on a slightly different page than JJ cuz she follows that with “honestly, I want to quit”. Emily’s still drowning in her feelings about how the job is fucking her up, jj’s just over here trying to be real with her about their relationship. And it really sounds like there’s more to the “it’s about being honest with *me*” than just BAUgate. Like….is JJ wanting more honesty about whatever the fuck happened to them? It’s not a huge stretch. I love AJ Cook's performance. when I first got into the jemily of it all with cm I was very focused on Emily but as time has passed and I've watched and rewatched, it's become clearer that JJ a huge engine driving what makes jemily interesting to me.

I’ve seen folks theorize that Emily’s knowledge of BAUgate is what caused the perceived distance between her & JJ in s16, but I personally don’t fully buy into that. Emily became unit chief in 2017ish, and section chief presumably sometime in 2020-2022. It’s unclear when she was briefed on BAUgate. She tells Luke about it like it’s mostly a done deal she inherited the problem/information, the issue was apparently dealt with, and she made a judgment call about informing them. But as he pointed out, you know once it’s on the Internet it lives forever. She’s can't be naive about that. And I think she's glossing over it a bit to try to calm him down. We’ve been given no indication that Rossi had this info, though he probably knew broad strokes, and he was UC for some amount of time. My guess is she was briefed in detail on BAUgate when she became SC. So I guess BAUgate could be a component of s16 tension with JJ, especially insofar as this is a big unspoken thing that Emily has shouldered alone in order to shelter her team/friends, and is potentially emblematic of a larger pattern of Emily withholding information and not feeling free to be open with JJ as a friend because of her professional responsibilities. But I think if we take their distance seriously it has to go deeper than this one thing. Because the weirdness between them goes back further than evolution. It’s also in the way JJ chose to fuck off to New Orleans instead of taking over as UC as Emily planned. [where does this fit in the “we don’t quit” narrative that JJ spins?]. It’s in the way we don’t know exactly why JJ & Will decided to move back to Virginia. It’s in the way some awkwardness, resentment, isolation, hurt, whatever brewed between them during the pandemic years (and before!), and perhaps unspoken history made it difficult for them to be normal with one another on a personal level.

To me, the weirdness of their interactions in s16 is most egregious in the lack of direct comfort/interaction after JJ & Luke were blown up in the shipping container. And maybe a little in the fact that Emily so happily greeted Will, of all people, when they all returned from California (made me laugh so hard my god). But the relative stiffness of their interactions has been consistent since season 12/13, I think (thinking about the what ifs/if onlys convo). As though one or both of them were making an effort to be professional but not too personal, or keep it benign and surface level because dealing openly with whatever they had going on deep down would be too painful.

I’m so glad this convo happened in a more relaxed setting. They were going to have a talk at the office! it would have been more buttoned up, might have even played more into the underlying tension between them. It wouldn’t have been JJ trying to keep Emily from quitting. Could have been harder for Emily to really hear all of what JJ was saying to her, in that environment.

Speaking of all of what JJ was saying. !!!

I agree this is a confession of love. And it’s fucking beautiful. It’s JJ being vulnerable about how much Emily’s presence in her life means to her. JJ’s telling Emily that they are stronger than their predecessors in part *because they have been a source of strength for each other, for years.* Paris, the miscarriage, yes. And, and. JJ is and has always been so strong as an individual. But Emily was also JJ’s quiet strength in Georgia, the hospital waiting room, the stalking case, the bank robbery, in Reid & Penelope’s abduction, in East Allegheny. JJ saw and believed in Emily’s humanity - her hidden dreams - from early days. She pulled her through those bleak 7 months in exile. How many times has JJ taken the sting out of Emily's mood like she did on the jet in 11x19 Tribute? JJ is making herself a source of strength for Emily, right here in this conversation (*make* them fire you!, don’t just roll over). They have such a history of mutuality: of comradery, kindness, deep care, showing up. It’s not romantic in name but can easily be read that way. It’s *really* fucking romantic, even if it’s platonic. Do you know what I mean???????

I’m obsessed with AJ Cook’s choices throughout. OBSESSED.

The way JJ pauses for that moment after “it gives me you”, making steady eye contact, letting it really sink in. She got brave, and it landed. Then she kind of rolls her eyes at herself, maybe a little annoyed at the tears starting to come, maybe a little embarrassed that she’s letting this truth out into the world.

And the “Always.” Dropping eye contact, retreating from the moment a bit. A bit afraid to watch Emily’s reaction - but also she does very deliberately look directly at Emily again for a split second! That “Always” has carried a torch, for a very long time. That “Always” at least never admitted to Emily how much it hurt when she left. How much the distance has hurt.

~ I’ve been through hell in this job but it brought us together (I love you). You’ve kept me going through awful things (I love you). Of course I’ll support you whatever you decide (I love you). I’ll always support you even when you leave me (I love you). You’ve left me before and it hurt and it didn’t stop me from loving you (I love you). Please hang on; please stay; please come back to me (I love you, I love you, I love you). ~

*gentle screaming*

And, oh my god, Emily’s reactions. Emily had no idea this conversation was going to go where it did. Immediately defensive when JJ mentions Paris - she’s still in the part of the game where she’s protesting being convinced to stay, and Paris feels like a low blow. The way she crumples into “oh goddammit” when JJ brings up the miscarriage. Oh now it’s clear this is going deeper. Like, WHAT is the full story there??!! JJ was pregnant when she came to Emily’s rescue, right? So the attack and miscarriage happened while Emily was tucked away in Paris. We know JJ was Emily’s only(?) connection to her real life in that period, and here’s confirmation that Emily was a lifeline for JJ during that time as well, perhaps implying that she wasn’t confiding in her husband, at least not fully. You know how JJ tends to keep the hard things to herself, and she was forced to keep secrets for her safety and Emily’s safety. But she shared this with Emily. Maybe Emily had to push her (she “didn’t quit” on JJ), but they were already both in the dark, so to speak, so JJ could let herself lean on that support without bringing that darkness into her home life. Emily’s “goddammit” to me sounds like: memories of grief upon grief upon desperate isolation. Sounds like: I put those memories away and it took something out of me to do it. Sounds like: That was when their love for each other deepened, grew richer and more complex. That was when something more might have started to bloom between them, some doomed but lovely unnamed thing. And then it was locked away. And JJ has the audacity to acknowledge it? Now? Emily’s been spiraling about what’s the point of fighting this battle, when I feel like I’m losing myself? And JJ calls up the memory of this awful, bleak time when they both felt horrendously lost and they *got each other through it.* I mean. I MEAN

I love Emily’s shocked reaction as JJ’s confession lands. Either Emily’s feelings never breached the platonic barrier (not my interpretation!), or she put away the possibility years ago and did her damnedest to not look back. You can see her wheels turning, her uncertainty about what JJ’s revealed, her wanting to tread carefully. And when Rossi texts and she has to make a choice? JJ’s looking at her with those big blue eyes. Time to table the full depth of the moment. Sprinkle in a little bravado. The thing about being an adult is, you still have to go to all hands meetings while you’re having an earth shattering realization.

……..

Another thing about “it gives me you.” JJ has probably resigned herself to the fact that working at the BAU is the only way she gets to “have” this much of Emily. It’s part of why she came back from New Orleans, even if never acknowledged or articulated.

You know it’s a good scene when it makes me want to watch a bunch of other scenes. Even scenes I hate. Like…I want to revisit Reid talking Emily off the ledge, the truth or dare confession (loathsome!), the scene where Emily decides to stay on as UC in s12 (love this one). The Forever People (Mr Macbeth my beloved).

Honestly maybe JJ’s poly and she doesn’t know it, hasn’t let herself consider it. She’s evidently got a lot of love to give. And that needn’t be framed as some kind of betrayal of her vows or callous carelessness with her friend’s hearts, not to my mind. Plus, like, three cheers for letting your love for someone simply be what it is, however amorphous or uncategorizable, however little you can or want to act on it.

*******

Oh my god I’ve watched this scene over and over and over. I have total brain worms about it. I feel insane. I forgot to eat lunch and dinner

*******

Jennifer Jareau. This is AJ Cook’s season, it’s her show now. I am all the way in forever and ever

.

.

.

when CME socials started posting Jemily stuff and AJ said “ultimate Jemily moment” and Paget lightly teased……I just laughed. Like, okay, sure, ancient CBS procedural. Sure, my little carousel of disappointments. Sure. LOL. After all these years, they are not going to go there, and I wouldn’t even want them to.

I did not in a million years expect them to crack open the door like this. I still don’t think they’re going to break up JJ & Will. I am not expecting a Jemily kiss. But after this episode - the pathway to such a thing is clearer than it was. And now I think if they did choose to go there, they could maybe (maybe!!) even do it well. Shocking development. Has a lot to do with AJ's performance tbh. The writing is fine, despite the way it seems to twist the facts of canon around bts reality. But she's the one laying JJ's heart bare.

.

.

.

If this is it, the full extent of JJ’s and Emily’s scenes together this season (which would be weird!), I will still walk away with warm feelings. I’m honestly feeling so grateful for the way this episode gave them room to honor the history of these characters.

Grab your keys. Let’s fuckin’ roll.

[ayoarticulate]

sydney scene episode ten thoughts n shit below ‼️‼️

okay, so. syd sees the review from her braised cola short ribs and risotto on her fridge in the last ep, and begins to see all her beef/bear family and moments take over.

i think carmy has become this thing where… he’s sydney’s greatest inspiration and greatest de-motivator. carmen doesn’t know how to properly critique and show people how they can do better without being incredibly intense in a way that takes you down a few inches at the knees.

i don’t think he realizes who he is, so he doesn’t realize the impact his actions have on people in a professional capacity.

syd’s relationship with carmen reminds me of a friendship that i used to hold onto that was genuinely poisoning me. this friend of mine would generally be very mean to me, in a dismissive kind of way, that made me feel like she couldn’t care less about what i was doing, while simultaneously making me feel like i wasn’t enough to be around her. BUT. she’d have these moments where, we’d talk and she’d be so kind and we’d have this great back and forth. but then that conversation would end and the next one would start and we’d be back where it started.

it took me forever to leave that relationship because, we still had our good moments right?? we still had those moments where she was so sweet and everything was good, and that balanced out the hundreds of other times she would make me feel like literal shit. but it’s not! it’s not worth it!

syd and carmy have these fleeting moments in between moments of absolute insanity, and i think syd holds onto those little nuggets of joy as proof of “look! he cares i swear i swear he does!” to justify staying. but it’s not enough.

i think she knows that. it’s so hard to to come to terms with that feeling and that relationship, but sometimes it just is the truth, and you have to go! but letting go in this case means losing the family she fought so hard to make her own. and i think that’s enough to make her freak and think “do i believe i deserve more enough to leave it all behind and start over?”

[danceofthephilos]

Hiroko Utsumi Interview (SK8 the Infinity Official Guide Book)

Thank you... for loving SK8!*

Director Hiroko Utsumi

PROFILE

Animation director, producer, and animator. She directed the Free! series and BANANA FISH, and was in charge of production on K-On!, Nichijou (My Ordinary Life, Hyouka, The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya, and others.

—First, how are you feeling now that episode 12 has finished airing?

Right after it aired, I felt like crazily dancing flamenco, but now enough time has passed that I've calmed down. Still, I keep thinking "We really finished it~!"

—Do you have any favorite episodes, or scenes that left an impression on you?

Personally, I naturally have the strongest attachment to episode 1, which I storyboarded and produced. At that point, I was fumbling through without being certain exactly what this work was going to be. The ending gave me a lot of trouble, but the image of "white snow falling in Okinawa" surpassed my expectations, and is my favorite part even now. That image is like a snow crystal formed by the professionals in each department, which can only exist through animation.

—Can you tell us about the appeal of skateboarding we felt in the series?

It made me feel like "skating is so cool!" all over again! I was convinced it was a theme that could really shine in anime, and I only felt that even more as the series continued. That heart-pounding feeling, the speed, the coolness of tricks. I'm glad I was able to portray the appeal of skating through anime.

—Are there any secret stories from production you can reveal to us now?

ADAM and Langa's white-hot BEEF scene in the last episode. At first, Kobayashi-san played Langa with a powerful air, like he was fighting, but the sound director, Masafumi Mima-san, directed him, "Do it like he's cuddling up to ADAM", and made me feel, "Yes, yes! That's exactly it!"... but after that, we went with intense background music that would suit an action scene, so the lack of tension in his voice ended up not matching up... so in the end Langa's voice was revised to sound like he was fighting again. I wanted everyone to hear the incredibly rare Langa cuddling up to ADAM...!

—Were there any episodes or behind-the-scenes developments that you hated to cut? (lit. "cut while crying")

In the original scenario, during the part of the plot where Langa is rapidly becoming obsessed with ADAM, there was a part where ADAM was going to carry Langa off to his vacation house, and Reki was going to be shocked to see the two of them having fun skating together, but... I felt like that wasn't the right direction, so I had the plot changed to what it is now. There are a lot of scenes where I wonder how things would have turned out if they'd been in the original work. If Kikuchi's "yes!" in the last episode was "woof!"... for example. (laughter)

—What were your impressions of the casting and the voice actors' performances?

Everyone played their unique characters with such splendid individuality, and conveyed the characters' charm in a way that you can't with just visuals, so I enjoyed the recording for every episode. The other day I went back to listen to Hatanaka-san and Kobayashi-san's audition tapes again, and Reki hasn't changed at all! Hatanaka-san never wavers~! I admired that. Meanwhile Langa was like a completely different person! (laughter) Langa in the audition was sharp and sarcastic, and gave off an ice-like impression, but he's changed so much up until now~! It was really moving to hear that. Now, he's like powder snow. (laughter)

—With production, props, character designs and the like, was there anything you were especially particular about?

Speaking generally, a main facet of production is pacing. It's a really important part of film-making; if the pacing is good, the work flows smoothly, and when you're watching, before you know it, it's over! I like series with that kind of good tempo to them, so I paid attention to every episode to make sure that the pacing felt good. As for the character designs, I was careful to make sure they were very unique, but also balanced. And then there's the difference in their physiques!

—If "S" opened in the real world, what part do you think you'd be most interested in?

I want to say, "Hey, have a BEEF with me!" and "Crush them with that hug, ADAM—!!"

—Can you send a message to all the fans who loved SK8 the Infinity?

Thank you... for loving SK8!* (with a blank expression) When I was working on the original work, there were times when I was BEEFing with production that made me lose the highlights in my eyes in real life, but I was able to get through it thanks to everyone's love. As their creator, I couldn't be happier that people love Reki and Langa and the others in so many different ways. The original series has ended, but their daily lives will surely continue, and we'd be happy if you could watch the series over and over again while imagining them like that. ☆ Thank you so much for watching SK8 the Infinity!

*She is directly quoting Ainosuke's line that is translated as "thank you for loving me", but here the subject is the series, not herself.

(from SK8 the Infinity OFFICIAL GUIDE BOOK, released December 22nd 2021)

[manicpixiefelix]

nick and y/n basically repeating history right before their eyes is crazy. the story between y/n's parents and nick's parents are so interesting? oliver being the observant person that is probably made that connection way before nana told them verbally. although nick and y/n are truly just besties, it makes oliver realize that at the end of the day, he could lose y/n that easily. so in a way, there is a relief in just staying in the uk with y/n.

also, felix reading their myspace is so funny to me. like he's so obsessed and can't hide it that they find it endearing. but when he sees that y/n and oliver is hanging with the youngs (especially nick) it makes him fume. because that could easily be him under you two's adoring eyes.

oh man the Crazy Rich Asians AU goes so hard in my mind, i love this movie so fucking much and I love intertwining their worlds because TBH i do just think they make sense!!

the thing with the reader's mother and Nick's father (also Sir James, like Felix's dad lol. if Y/N had a nickel, etc...) was born from a thing i wrote about how the reader's grandfather had established a professional relationship with the Youngs, as well as the fact that in CRA Nick's mother mentions to Rachel that she wasn't the family's first choice to marry her husband. i do think the friendship Nick's dad and the reader's mother was and still is entirely platonic, when they're around each other they seem to revert back to younger versions of themselves where they're still best friends.

Eleanor Young is just bothered by the constant reminder that most of her husband's family wanted your mother to marry her husband, and the two of them still get along so so well. it's also the exact same reason the reader's father is so insecure whenever he goes to singapore, but he has to go for business reasons and because he's insecure, no matter how much your mother insists she has never felt romantically about Nick's dad.

it takes a while for the reader to realise just how much the way they talk about nick and singapore bothers Oliver, to the point where he kind of hates talking about it and going for the first few years. he definitely gets giddy at the end of the trips and clings to the reader during the entire flight home and probably for the week after before it returns to a less intense level of interaction again. honestly i think it might be the only fight they have as children, and that's when the reader finally understands, and makes sure to prioritise oliver and know he's their priority, even when they're in singapore. i think it might also be the thing that really solidifies them as a package deal, really cements their co-dependency. that being said, ultimately oliver comes to love and cherish nick just as much as the reader, and the feeling is absolutely mutual. you, oliver, nick, and astrid becoming an absolute elite powerhouse across the world's elite social scene is one of my favourite images.

also ngl im always tickled by how we all seem to agree that Felix has probably one-sided beef with Nick Young when they're at Oxford in every AU simply because Nick is also pretty and charming and rich, and Felix is petty even if he tries to act like he's not.

we as a society don't talk about the fact that Saltburn is set in the MySpace era enough.

[icebearinacornfield]

Rating Alex Rider Villians on a scale of 1-10 on how supportive they'd be of me telling them I'm Agender: SCORPIA addition

[Just so we are clear, the concept for this came from a TikTok-er who does a good amount of Alex Rider content/analysis!)

Julia Rothman: 0/10 She'd call me 'girly-pop' in a heartbeat. Julia Rothman is such a Girl Boss (derogatory), that she'd become transphobic. She'd not believe that I was actually agender and be fully convinced that I'm only saying this because of internalized misogyny or something. She'd be calling me 'young lady', 'girly', 'Ms./Miss', any and all gendered terms because she'd know that it made me uncomfortable and that I hated it. Also, seeing as I'm not a literal underage boy, she probably wouldn't care too much about me in the first place... I don't think that Julia Rothman should be around children in general. She needs some Jesus...

Zeljan Kurst: 4/10 I get the sense that he'd find me pretty annoying as a person, so I'd already be on thin ice as it was. He wouldn't understand what being agender was and he probably would just have me labeled in his head as a girl, but he'd use the correct pronouns and otherwise not make a big fuss out of it. Zeljan Kurst really would just be trying to do whatever he could to not have to deal with me more than he absolutely would have to.

Max Grendel: 10/10 He gives supportive grandpa vibes! He might not always understand or get the pronouns right all the time, but he cares! A bit lost at times, but immaculate allyship!

Major Winston Yu: -1/10 Not only am I an American (i.e. NOT British) and am actively beefing with the concept of England in general, he'd already be having issues with me. Not only that, but he wouldn't understand what was going on and absolutely refuse to learn/get an explanation. He'd be misgendering me left and right in the most oddly polite way ever. Like, bro would look me dead in the eye and say "My dear girl" and then start ranting about his plans and how great England is or whatever.

Brendan Chase: 7/10 It'd start off fine with him being very accepting and supportive, but I could see it getting really weird real quick. He'd probably start asking me some really personal/probing questions about being agender and wouldn't see anything wrong about asking about it. But if/when I told him that it was personal/I wasn't comfortable with the questioning, he'd back off and apologize right away!

Abdul-Aziz Al-Razim: 0/10 He'd want to study the psychological pain of experiencing gender dysphoria and transphobia... He also just gives homophobic/transphobic/misogynistic energy in general. He'd actively hate crime me and observe my response for ~ScIEnCe~ and pleasure.

The Grimaldi Twins (they'd want to be counted as a single person): 6/10 They'd be pretty chill about it, I can't see either of them taking issue with me being agender. They'd be supportive, but they wouldn't care too much. It's pretty much just that. Nothing really to say here. If they killed me mafia style, it'd be because of something I did to fuck up their plans. Not because I'm agender. We stan equal opportunity kings! (Not really though.)

Doctor Three: 11/10 He's a strong ally! Dr. Three understands and respects how gender is fluid/relative/a social construct and he'd be very supportive! He'd also be out there actively fighting transphobia in the medical community through normal personal measures, but also through murder if he must!

Oliver D'Arc: 4/10 He just wouldn't care that much. If I told him my pronouns, he'd just be like 'ok' then immediately proceed to misgender me. He would never do anything outside of that though.

Yassen Gregorovich: 10/10 As a professional, Yassen would be using my preferred pronouns no questions asked! He'd also politely correct people who got the pronouns wrong or kill them because he's a ride or die like that (I may not be a Rider, but I feel like Yassen would still have my back in this area though).

Desmond Nye: 100/10 HE IS AN ALLY YOUR HONOR!!!! DESMOND NYE HAS PRIDE FLAGS IN HIS OFFICE AND ALWAYS ASKS FOR PREFERRED NAMES AND PRONOUNS! AND HE RESPECTS THEM! WHEN HE WAS IN CHARGE THERE WERE VERY STRONG ANTI-DISCRIMINATION POLICIES IN PLACE AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL! (As you can see I am very calm and normal about this headcanon.)

Nile: -11/10 He'd only be this level of unsupportive because he'd hate me and want to make me feel as uncomfortable/invalidated as humanly possible. If it was anyone other than me, he'd be fairly supportive, like, a solid 5/10! But we do have to take into account that Nile is totally very petty and that I'd bet good money he'd get very creative with his transphobia in a not-good way. In short, NILE IS A HATER!!!

Karl Steiner: -2/10 He'd psycho-analyze me and try to gaslight me into being cis. He'd straight up become a conversion therapist in an instant, but he'd also try to ease into the role to not scare me off and then go from there. But that would be his secondary goal. His primary goal would be to see if I'd make a good assassin and IDK how I'd do on his tests and that's not what we're talking about here. All in all, would not recommend this man as a therapist for anyone ever.

Anthony Sean 'Ash' Howell: 5/10 He'd just nod and say "nice" before going back to smoking and being angsty which, honestly, slay! (Not the smoking part! Don't smoke kids, it's very, very, extremely bad for you!) I can't see him being transphobic, but I can't see him being an ally either. He's just a guy. He's just Ken.

Gordan Ross: 8/10 He is a supportive man! As long as I was tuned into his lessons and knew what was going on, then we'd have no problem! I could also see him correcting people if they misgender me which is an added bonus.

Eijit 'Jet' Binnag: 8/10 Jet would use the correct pronouns and would have a general understanding of what being agender means, she'd also occasionally correct people if they used the wrong pronouns. Mostly all she'd care about was whether or not I put effort into her classes and knew what was going on.

Amanda: 10/10 Asks for pronouns, uses pronouns, corrects people when they use incorrect pronouns, not notes! Only good ally vibes!

Walker: 8/10 He's got nothing against being agender and would definitely use they/them pronouns, but he'd also just say some really out-of-pocket stuff about trans/non-binary/agender people and unintentionally make things uncomfortable. So, he gets points off for that, but having said that, Walker would totally correct people if they got my pronouns wrong and it wouldn't JUST be because he's a little bitch who likes to correct people to be annoying!

Klaus: 1/10 He worked with so, so, so many terrorist groups and is a mercenary. This man would not be out there saying trans rights! He probably wouldn't hate crime me if we were both students because he wouldn't want to get in trouble with Jet, Gordon, Amanda, Walker, or Yassen. I also couldn't see him going out of his way to hate crime me. Klaus would refuse to use the correct pronouns and constantly refer to me as a 'girl' when he thought he could get away with it. If he did use they/them for me, it would be because he was forced to. That being said, it wasn't like he would've been talking to or interacting much with me in the first place, so he'd be easy to ignore and it would be mutual.

[lys-lilac]

[RMD] Toshiki Kasumi x MC: Her Jealousy (oneshot)

I don’t know how I get such crazy ideas (of course you will get those thanks to the numerous jealousy stories of the boys) so bear with me haha~ Also, I tried writing this in diary format, so let me know if you like it!

[A/N: All the characters belong to Voltage Inc. Only the story plot is a work of mine.]

══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════

MC’s Diary

~4 pm~

This was any of the other normal day in the EICU office. This would have been if not for the exchange which was occuring in front of my eyes. 

Sometimes I myself think about how much weird I am when it comes to mangas, Sekai and medical knowledge. But the current emotion I am having can be counted in the general list right?

It had been several days since the new academic year started. Which meant classes for young interns and med students has already resumed in the Seimei University Hospital. Looking at the enthusiasm and excitement about gaining new knowledge in the field of medicine all over the university fills me with a sense of nostalgia. The scene of me running with medical journals, asking various questions to the professors is still fresh in my mind.

But a new academic year means various responsibilities, especially to me since Dr. Kasumi has gotten busier taking lectures in the university along with performing surgeries and attending meetings as well. Our schedules have become so much mismatched that we can’t even clock out together. Kasumi would mostly stay at the hospital, and even at home, we can’t see each other much. The only time we are together is in the operation theatre performing surgeries. I can’t blame the situation though, but yes, it makes me feel lonelier these days.

Kasumi’s office and even the EICU sometimes becomes a center of chaos with the amount of new students barging in to submit assignments or ask questions. Even though Matsunaga set a particular time of the day for these upon Directors’ request, the crowd wouldn’t dissipate that fast. Only Dr. Takado’s scolding and Dr. Kyogoku’s evil stare does the trick. Sensing the direness of the situation, I mostly devote myself to studies in the library or assist Dr. Tsuchiya and others in surgeries. 

Now, coming back to the situation in hand, I went to the lecture hall after completing a surgery to invite Kasumi for lunch, only to see many female students gathered around him. It seemed like he was explaining a particular topic. As I decided to pry in what he was teaching, an uneasy feeling crept to my heart. Even though my craze for understanding the topic was large, the close proximity of the girls with him, his professional gaze radiating through those glasses, and the prominent blushes on those girls’ cheeks made me recede my steps.I know I was the same in my classes as well, but I didn’t know it will make me feel weird. Hoping to at least get a beef bowl from the hospital cafeteria, I returned with subtle pangs in my heart.

Oh common, WHO IN THE WORLD GETS HUNGOVER FROM SUCH A TRIVIAL MATTER?! My idiotic expressions were able to catch the attention of the docs later. I was very glad they tried to cheer me up in their own ways, whether it was Dr. Takado giving me his limited ramen, Dr. Ekuni his sweet treats, Dr. Hosho rewarding me with a latte after surgery or Dr. Kyogoku bickering a little less than usual, it still went in vain. Due to this, I even ruined my conversation with Kasumi when he asked me to grab dinner in the evening. Now that I think about it, the audacity of me to ignore his attempts to talk and even excuse myself saying I already had plans?! JUST UNFORGIVABLE. Dear Sekai, I would have needed your comfort but I think I need something else. My internal monologues with you are not helping at all T-T

I thought maybe ignoring him could let my uneasiness end, but that was not the case. It became even worse. Now thanks to me everyone thinks I have gotten into a fight with him.

~10 pm~

Let’s just admit today was not my day. I had made up my mind to be on call tonight, but got driven away by Dr. Takado UGH. I also talked with Asuka about this, and she said me to figure it out myself with a giggle on her face. Although that reassured me that it’s nothing serious, still my mind working like this is killing my productivity and distracting me. 

Let’s just admit, I think I am a LITTLE jealous of those girls. Wait. Wait wait wait. WHY DO I SOUND LIKE A CREEP NOW?! ( : ౦ ‸ ౦ : )

Does this mean I am obsessed with Kasumi or what? To that extent that I am unable to continue my daily activities? Do I... Do I crave physical touch? UGH SOMEONE SLAP ME   ლ(¯ロ¯"ლ)

Anyway, I don’t think he will be back home tonight as well? I made some curry just in case, but oh well. If he’s having dinner with his stude- GAHHH STOP!!!

I will just pull an all-nighter and study! I am pretty sure that will help me to distract my mind from having these absurd thoughts. Let’s hope Dr. Kyogoku cools down tomorrow otherwise I.... zzz.

P.S. (the next morning) ~6:00~ 

I just arrived at the hospital with Kasumi (he came home yesterday yayyyyyyy  。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。 ) and more importantly, I am relieved he got some sleep. I am so so glad I made curry yesterday for him! Although he seems to be in a good mood today? I remember falling asleep on the couch writing yesterday’s events but today I found myself on our bed with him. Aside from sleeping like a log, I don’t remember anything else? Was I making a funny face? Drooling? Perhaps was in an Egyptian position while sleeping? He kissed my forehead at the parking lot and even though he changed into his professional outlook, I could still see his shoulders shaking as if he was laughing. Dr. Kyogoku’s worry from yesterday has turned into wrath with twice the intensity.

Haahh, seems like there’s a new mystery to solve now  ┐(︶▽︶)┌

[the-himawari]

A3! Mizuno Kaya - Translation [SSR] The Company President of April 1st (3/3)

*Please read disclaimer on blog; default name set as Izumi

---

Sakuya: It’s the General Affairs department! Please excuse us!

Izumi: !

Tsuzuru: Got the stepladder… Here. Go ahead, Sakuya.

Sakuya: Yes!

Izumi: (Woah, he climbed right up the stepladder and he’s replacing the fluorescent bulb that went out…!)

Sakuya: Change complete!

Tsumugi: Thank you.

Azuma: Fufu, as usual, I feel healed by Saku’s cute, smiling face. It’s so relaxing when the General Affairs department comes by.

Tsumugi: I know what you mean. They’re refreshing and pleasant, just like a spring breeze, right?

Itaru: Here’s the list of today’s visitors.

Chikage: I’ve also inputted the data, so please check it over.

Citron: I’ve sorted all sorts of documents and organized them all beautifully!

Tsuzuru: I ordered the additional equipment as well.

Sakuya: And I tidied up the file room.

Homare: Ahh, you have my gratitude.

Guy: Thanks to the capable General Affairs department, the Secretarial department also has an easier time with our work and it’s a great help.

Izumi: (That's what you expect from professionals who improve the work efficiency of the employees.)

Chikage: By the way, is Mr. Sleepy-head here actually helpful to the Secretarial department?

Izumi: (Mr. Sleepy-head?)

Hisoka: I’m working properly even if you don’t tell me to.

Chikage: You haven’t been dozing off, have you?

Homare: Hisoka-kun works properly as long as you give him marshmallows.

Chikage: What about the trouble you’re causing your coworkers?

Hisoka: It's none of your business, Chikage.

Tsumugi: Hisoka-kun and Chikage-san from General Affairs are from the same hometown.

Izumi: I see, that’s how it is.

Tasuku: Hasn't this guy been playing games during work again?

Itaru: Haven't you been doing muscle training during work again?

Izumi: Umm…

Guy: The Secretarial and General Affairs departments also have modest conflicts in some cases.

Citron: Now, now, don’t fight, everyone! We’ll calm everyone with one of our General Affair’s specialty Manzai acts! Let’s do this, Tsuzuru!

Tsuzuru: Hold on, Citron-san! …Good grief.

Citron: Hello~, it’s Citron & Tsuzuru’s CITRUN! I’m thinking of making a bento for lunch tomorrow.

Tsuzuru: Oh, that sounds nice. What are you gonna put inside?

Citron: A vegetable terrine, lobster bisque, tilefish poêle, red wine braised beef tail…

Tsuzuru: Um, what kind of bento is that! Isn’t that a full course meal!

Citron: …Flavoured onigiri.

Tsuzuru: ONIGIRI!?

Izumi: Ahahaha.

Tsumugi: Fufufu! The General Affair’s specialty Manzai shows are really funny.

Guy: Indeed.

Izumi: (…Wait, huh? Speaking of which, from a while ago, the President’s been…)

Mizuno: …

Izumi: (EH!? It looks like he’s hiding with only his head peeking out from behind his desk…) P-president Mizuno…?

Mizuno: …!

Citron: Ohh, President?

Tsuzuru: I knew it was a bad idea to show President Mizuno our Manzai… Sorry for always showing you something so boring.

Mizuno: THAT’S NOT IT!!!

Izumi: …!

Mizuno: TSUZURU-KUN’S MANZAI IS WORLD CLASS!! So much so I’d like to push it with all my might with the company…!

Tsuzuru: You don’t have to go that far. But I appreciate it.

Izumi: (Ehhh… The two of them have a really friendly air around them…)

Tsuzuru: Ahh, sorry for surprising you. Actually, Mizuno and I are childhood friends.

Izumi: Oh, I see!

Tsuzuru: That being said, I should keep my manners properly in check while at the company. Sorry for acting so over-familiar with you, President Mizuno.

Mizuno: N-no way! Please don’t worry about it! You don’t have to use formal speech either! Even if you call me President, compared to Tsuzuru-kun’s magnificent humanity, I’m just…!

Izumi: (President Mizuno looks all flustered…)

Tsuzuru: I’ll work hard so I can be even more helpful to you, Mizuno.

Mizuno: Thank you. I will do my best too. Tachibana-san, my apologies for the late introduction. These guys are the members of the General Affairs department.

Sakuya: It’s very nice to meet you!

Izumi: I’m Tachibana Izumi. Same here, nice to meet you!

Citron: Ohh, the rumoured new hire. I’m Citron! I want to get along! You’re definitely, definitely welcome at the General Affairs section~!

Chikage: The General Affairs department is fun and noisy too.

Itaru: We hold game tournaments sometimes, you know? Wanna be our player 7, Tachibana-san?

Tsuzuru: We’d be really happy if you joined us.

Sakuya: Welcome! Let’s do our best together as colleagues at MIZUNO Enterprise! If there’s anything you don’t know, please ask me anything, any time!

Izumi: Thank you so much!

Itaru: Now then, I guess we should head out… Oh, hm?

Masumi: …

Izumi: ?

Itaru: Masumi? Oiii, Masumiii.

Masumi: I’ve found… my soulmate.

Mizuno: Soulmate?

Tsumugi: Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure Masumi-kun’s been staring at her the whole time since he entered the President’s office…

Masumi: I joined this company in order to look for my destined partner. And now, I’ve finally found them. You’re my…

Izumi: Ehh, ehh?

Masumi: I love you. Marry me.

Izumi: EHHHH!?

Masumi: Join the General Affairs department. I want to be with you. I’ll file paperwork and order various things with you. Then we’ll go on outings, listen to music together, and we’ll think about the things we’ll need for our married life. The two of us will spend lots of time doing different things together…

Itaru: LOL, that had nothing to do with General Affairs halfway through.

Citron: Is this love at first sight!?

Sakuya: Masumi-kun, calm down!

Tsuzuru: What are you doing in front of the President…! I’m so sorry! Come on, let’s go!

Chikage: Then please excuse us.

*door closes*

Izumi: T-that surprised me…

Tsumugi: Ahaha…

Mizuno: I was shocked too… But Usui-kun is a very outstanding person.

Guy: Alright, we will be on our way as well.

Azuma: Right.

Tsumugi: Let’s make today a great day too.

Mizuno: Yes, thank you very much.

*door closes*

Mizuno: So, I’ve shown you all the departments within the company; what do you think?

Izumi: I thought that it’s really amazing. Everyone is so professional… Honestly, I’m not confident I’ll be as helpful to the company as they are.

Mizuno:  What’s important isn’t to be useful to the company, but that you, Tachibana-san, yourself, are able to have fun working without any worries. As you’ve seen today, every department plays an important role within the company—. But everyone wasn’t able to work so competently from the very beginning. Even so, you will eventually find a role that suits your aptitude, and you’ll be able to work comfortably. In other words, no matter which department you’re assigned to, I’m sure you will find a role that will make the best use of your own unique strengths! So let’s find that role together.

Izumi: President Mizuno… (Once again, I’m glad that I got to join this company…!) Yes…!

-pause-

Mizuno: —san, Director-san… Director-san?

Izumi: Hm… (This is the MANKAI Dorm…?) Hah, President Mizuno…!?

Mizuno: P-president…?

Izumi: (Huh… Oh, that was a dream just now.) (I had a meeting with Mizuno-san scheduled today, but I was reading documents until late last night so it looks like I nodded off.)

Mizuno: I’m sorry for disturbing you. The manager let me inside.

Izumi: Oh, that’s what happened. I’m sorry for showing you my embarrassing appearance.

Mizuno: Oh, no. You must be tired… I apologize for taking up your time while you’re busy.

Izumi: You see… The truth is, I had a dream where Mizuno-san was the President of a company

Mizuno: EHH!? No way, I’m still just an inexperienced intern…! It’d be unthinkable to succeed my father…!

Izumi: Still, in my dream, you filled the role wonderfully.

Mizuno: T-thank you very much. That’s too kind. Imagining myself as a President is an exaggeration… But in the future, 100 years from now, I want to become a splendid, capable person who can pour all my efforts into entertainment. So that’s why I will continue to improve myself from now on as well.

Izumi: (Mizuno-san… He really does have a President's capability...!)

---

1. So it's come to my attention that a lot of people have never heard of a sleeve protector. It's like this (but the one Tsuzuru is wearing is made of cloth, not plastic):

Workers and students wear them in various different contexts to keep their sleeves clean (i.e. when doing handiwork, when you're writing so the ink doesn't smudge on your sleeve, etc.) 2. So you're telling me Mizuno was watching Tsuzuru like this... I--

previous |

[charrwybie]

(I've seen this interview meme floating around the tag and it looks super fun so here it goes! Wyatt is not my Commander, but he's still a fun character who WOULD have fans bc he's in a band! Used to do ballet!)

INTRODUCTION

- Can you introduce yourself?

I'm Wyatt Epping - Wybie for friends! I play bass in a rock band with my friends.

- What is your gender identity, orientation and relationship status?

I'm a guy, bi, and not... availa-bly. That was Awful, sorry about that. Not looking to be in a relationship right now, either, I have some healing to do before I'm ready to try again, found that out the hard way.

- Where and when were you born?

We - mom and me that is, assume in Lion's Arch because that's where she found me as a newborn cub some twenty years ago.

- What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

I prefer to not fight, but when I have to, I prefer my staff or greatsword, and an axe for when things get close. My aunt calls me a powerhouse and I'm usually last still on my feet so I guess I'm good at dancing around the danger and hitting hard when I need to.

- Lastly, are you happy?

Yeah. Yeah. Getting there at least! I've gone through some shhhhoot that made me not happy for a long time, but I'm getting there again! Feels good.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

- What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

(Wyatt laughs) I have a big and weird family by a lot of standards. I'm sure you're thinking that Epping doesn't sound like a charr name and you'd be right! I was raised by my mom, Norma, a human woman, in Lion's Arch so I definitely don't have like a charr upbringing, or a charr name even. I also have another mom who's a charr but not the one that birthed me, and a step-sister who's about the same age as me. Then there's my dads who aren't really my dads but kinda are -- it's a long story, but we're happy. Close! I love them very much and am definitely a momma's boy and a family boy.

-Have you ever ran away from home? 

No. Well yeah, when I was like four and mad about something and I got all the way to the other side of the street before running back to hug my mom and cry that I missed her.

-Would you consider marriage or having children? 

Marriage, definitely, with the right person, I -- think I want that, but it's also scary right now. Kids? No thanks. Thought I wanted some, but nah, turned out to be some misplaced emotional shenanigans. Kids are great, but not for me.

-Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

I wouldn't waste time being their friend if I did, I don't think. I can be a polite boy and act civil in any company, but I'm not gonna be friends with someone I don't like. What's the point?

-Which friend knows everything about you? 

Ordell, who is also in the band - he grew up with me and my sister and we were like an inseparable triple trouble trio, and he was kinda like our little brother but not really. Still is the same. He's the kind of friend I can talk about anything with, or just sit quietly, and it's just... comfortable. Cozy.

ASKED BY FANS  

-Are you literate? Have you been to school?

Is this a joke about bassists being dumb? Yeah I'm literate, have been to school in Lion's Arch, and did real good there. I liked school and studying and would work on ballet flexibility while doing my homework; hobbies, no matter how serious, never were more important than learning.

-The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

Hmmm. I don't know if anything like that's happened? My mom used to call me Stormlord because I used to predict thunderstorms and lightning strikes as a kid; does that count? She was amazed that I didn't become an elementalist.

-What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

You know what, PROBABLY a lot of things, but I can't think of an example.

- Do you have mental health or physical issues?

Both, haha... I have seasonal allergies, a permanently injured knee that ended my hopes of dancing professionally, depression that came with THAT, aaaand PTSD from a different kind of trauma. I'm healing, though!

- What is your current main goal?

Just... To have fun! And to get a griffon, that's what I'm working on right now. We'll see, a lot of animals don't like me, and I really don't know why. I think I'm cursed or something. Let me tell you, it's not fun out there when seemingly every animal ever seems to have a personal beef with you, specifically. And I'm not talking about wildlife, I'm talking about cows and chicken and like generally friendly things.

CHOICES:

- Drink or food?

Food, unless my sister made it, in which case probably neither.

-Cats or dogs? 

Both! I grew up with both and currently have both - I have a cat called Silly - Cilantro, really - and a dog called Potato.

-Early bird or night owl? 

A little more of a night owl, I guess, though not really that either. I like sleeping.

-Optimist or pessimist? 

Optimist. Trying to be real hard at least! Mostly it's working!

-Sassy or sarcastic? 

Depends on the day and company I guess. Not a lot of either.

HAVE YOU EVER:

-Been caught sneaking out

No, but sneaking back in, yeah! (Laughs) I'd come home too late from parties or something drunk before I was supposed to be drinking and inevitably mom would catch me because I'd always get sick, or be way noisier than I thought, or, you know, both. I try to not drink enough to get that drunk anymore.

-Broken a bone

Kneecap, yeah, when I goofed my entire knee. Some toes, I think? Amazingly not anything bigger than that though.

-Received flowers

Yeah! From friends and family and dates, and fans too. I like flowers, am very allergic to some of their pollen though, haha!

-Ghosted someone

Well, yeah. Sometimes deservedly, sometimes it's been me panicking and being shitty as a result-- aw rats, there goes a coin in the swear jar... But yeah, I have.

-Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get

Oh for sure. Sometimes I don't have to pretend because I'll just laugh at myself not getting it!

[2996-sana]

Not So Unrequited Love - Jennie

At 11 on a Friday, Jennie finds herself at Coffee Beanz where her, Jisoo, Lisa, and Rosé usually meet for their weekly brunch. The quaint little coffee shop that huddled despondent among huge city buildings has cemented itself as their go-to place ever since Jisoo came across it during their freshman year of college. The interior was warm and cheery and always played really good jazz during Fridays which Jennie absolutely loved.

Now professionals with outstanding positions in their own industries, the four girls still haven’t forgotten about the one place that always gave them a bittersweet recollection of their time as broke and stressed college students. Not that they need the weekly trips to the coffee shop to see each other. They all lived in the same apartment complex separated by just a few doors from each other after all. It was just a nice little tradition that reminded them to remain grounded no matter how far they come in their own careers.

This week, the topic at hand over their usual coffee and brunch orders was Jennie’s struggle to find a date.

“Why is this happening to me?” Jennie complains, throwing her hands in the air. “Am I lacking something?”

The three girls rolled their eyes at their best friend. Jennie really did have a flare for the dramatics.

“Jen, you literally have people lining up to date you.” Jisoo reassured while the other two hummed in agreement.

“That’s right,” Rosé says, taking a pause to sip her coffee. “I mean Y/N is literally the living embodiment of that statement.”

Lisa snorts at Rosé’s words. You were Rosé’s childhood best friend and business partner who first crossed paths with Jennie about three years ago during their company launching and was notorious in their friend group for your not so subtle crush on Jennie.

This was not lost on Jennie however. Not at all. Moves were made. These so-called moves could’ve definitely been executed better, Jennie was sure of that, but she appreciated your efforts.

You just weren’t her type.

Jennie grimaced hearing your name. “I-I don’t know, Rosie. Nothing against her or whatever. She’s just not my type is all.”

“You know, Jennie, just because Y/N isn’t the typical person littered with tattoos that you usually go for, doesn’t mean she won’t make good company on a date.”

She wanted to rebut Lisa’s argument but she knew the girl had a point. Looking at her dating history, she was known for being with people – boys and girls – who all looked and acted like their moral compass could use some adjusting. What can she say? She has always been a sucker for someone wild.

You on the other hand could be compared to sunshine. Jennie can’t ever recall seeing you without a smile on your face. It almost seemed like it was the last step in your morning routine before walking out of your house. In Jennie’s eyes, you were too nice. Nicer than Rosé (if you’re on her good side) and that is saying a lot.

“Lisa is right, Jen. Y/N is actually super cool,” Jisoo insisted, remembering the time she bumped into you at an art exhibition. It was there that she discovered that you were one for the arts and had two of your paintings featured that night. She also noticed how people lit up at your presence and appreciated how you commanded the room whenever you began talking. It reminded her of how tough and demanding you were during a meeting she was able to attend that one time she visited Rosé. The impressed faces of your investors were ingrained in Jisoo’s brain. She was convinced you were a whole different person when needed to be.

Jisoo was fond of you. Especially for Jennie. She knew that if Jennie just gave you the time of day, Jennie would be able to look past her perception of you: boring and plain – and discover that you are more than what meets the eye.  

“Yeah, Jen! Give her a chance,” Rosé was sporting a pout, clearly wanting both of her friends to get together.

With her best friends’ eyes on her, all looking like they were expecting the same answer, Jennie sighs in defeat.

Oh, what the hell. Just one date. What could go wrong, right?

“Fine.”

“Wow, we can tell just how excited you are.” Lisa was giggling at Jennie’s pained expression. She was sure Jennie was just overreacting anyway. Lisa actually thought you were cute and 100% dateable.

•

You were tapping your foot on the wooden floor of your office finishing off some paperwork when your silver-haired best friend slash business partner Rosé entered unannounced, a big smile on her face that was becoming borderline creepy.

“Why do you look like that?”

Rosé began to squeal in excitement complete with jumping up and down. “Jennie wants to go on a date with you!”

The words cause you to come to a halt as your cheeks are suddenly kissed pink, your blush searing through your cheeks.

For a minute Rosé thought her friend’s face was on fire.

“What?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t hear me loud and clear,” Rosé teased. “Anyways, she’s free this Saturday and I did you a favor and called for a reservation at her favorite Italian restaurant by Graves Street under your name. 7PM, don’t be late! Bye!”

That was the last you heard before the girl slammed the doors of your office closed.

•

As planned, you were sat in one of the tables at Jennie’s restaurant of choice. Large mullioned windows, long embroidered curtains, dark walnut tables with splendidly proportioned cabriole legs, romantic candles on each table, soft live piano music, and a flagstone tile floor. The restaurant was fancy, that you could tell as you observed from your seat.

You resorted to playing with your fingers as you waited for the girl who has lived in your heart and mind rent free ever since you saw her that evening of your company’s launching. You were twenty minutes early due to the nerves that haven’t left since Rosé informed you of Jennie’s approval of the date. You couldn’t believe Jennie actually agreed to this. Last thing you heard was Jennie’s break up with her designer boyfriend of one year and that she was back on the market. You didn’t think you would be lucky enough to even be a candidate that could potentially bring her off it again.

You shake your head at your thoughts. You were getting way ahead of yourself. For now, you should just focus on getting this date right so that a second one could be on the table.

“Hey, you’re early.”

You cast your eyes upwards to see Jennie plopping down on the seat in front of you and you had to forcefully tear your eyes away from the beauty that finally graced you with her presence. She looked sinfully stunning in her black vintage Chanel dress.

“Oh, um…I-I actually just got here.” you blurted, looking bewildered. “You look beautiful.”

You wanted to hit yourself for such a basic compliment but being there with Jennie was nerve-wracking enough as it was so you cut yourself some slack. Jennie couldn’t help but giggle at how obviously flustered you were.

Cute, she thought. “Thank you, Y/N. I think you look dashing yourself.”  

You felt heat rising to your cheeks and prayed it wasn’t noticeable. Thankfully before you could embarrass herself, a friendly looking waiter approached your table with a menu.

“Are we ready to order ladies?”

Jennie looked to you for confirmation which you answered with a tentative nod.

“I’ll have the poached lobster with butternut squash and chestnuts and…” Jennie threw you a glance from her menu.

“I’ll have the, um, beef tenderloin with the crab salad.” You read the first thing you saw from the menu, the pressure of Jennie looking at you throwing you off. “Thank you.”

“Okay, would that be all ladies?”

“Oh, and two glasses of white house. Thanks.”

As the waiter walked away with their orders, a silence settled over them.

“I know everything seems pretentious but I promise the food is worth it,” Jennie remarked with a teasing smile.

“It’s all good, Jennie. How’s work?” Your smile fades as you notice the girl you so badly wanted to impress was suddenly distracted, her attention everywhere but on you. You tried to see what Jennie was so focused on, following her line of sight.

After a couple moments, you realize that Jennie was focused on a couple eating across from each other a few tables away from you. The boy was studiously bent over his meal while conversing with the girl as she collapsed with helpless giggles. It didn’t take you long to realize that it was Jennie’s ex, Kai, having met him during Lisa’s birthday party last year. A big point to also remember was how the dude was literally Rosé’s cousin.

“Jennie?”

Jennie was snapped out her trance, desperately trying to compose herself.

What the fuck was Kai, her ex-boyfriend, doing here with a girl? She wasn’t jealous. Not in Kai’s wildest dreams. She wouldn’t get back together with him even if he was the last option she had left. No, she was annoyed because Kai managed to bag someone before she could. She was Jennie Kim. Why wasn’t she in a disgustingly cute relationship by now? She wanted so badly to curse the boy out until she remembered she was also here for a date with Y/N. Y/N! Right, Y/N.

“Shit, sorry. I just thought I saw someone I knew,” Jennie shrugged. Her tone was apologetic but you could tell she was still distracted.

“It’s okay,” you tried to sound nonchalant, sporting a counterfeit smile, but you could practically feel the uneasy tension in the atmosphere.

You just hoped you could salvage the night.

•

You weren’t able to. Jennie stayed distracted and uninterested the rest of the night, eyes either glancing at the couple a few tables away or at her phone. She answered your questions with one worded answers and empty laughs and you were left to shift uncomfortably in your seat, grasping your sweaty and nervous hands under the table.

You threw yourself on your bed, screaming into a pillow. You couldn’t digest the defeat you felt. You had one chance to show Jennie you were worth her time and you couldn’t even get it right. You felt traumatized and humiliated. Jennie would have that disaster of a date seared into her brain forever and the thought was ready to pop up and torment you for the rest of your life. You knew the regret would come to you in random moments, demanding to be reexamined again.

No, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for it. You tried your best. As far as you were concerned, you didn’t do anything wrong. If anything, Jennie was the reason why things didn’t go as planned tonight.

You gave your pillow another scream at the realization. Jennie was uninterested because that’s what she was – uninterested. She obviously didn’t like you enough to be present during the date.

She could’ve at least pretended to be happy to be there, you thought bitterly.

•

A week after that disaster of a date, you were walking down the street enjoying the only time of the week you had to yourself. Work had been excruciating these past few months as you were in the middle of negotiating with foreign investors and hopefully sealing the deal by next week. The late afternoon sunlight, soft and diffuse, giving way to the strong rays of the day, was doing its job of convincing you that it was gonna be a great day.

You’ve been feeling down ever since the date and you badly needed a day to recuperate and gain back the confidence that you lost. Rosé was nothing short of apologetic when she found out about the disappointing events and reassured you that she, along with Jisoo and Lisa, gave Jennie the scolding she deserved. Although your best friend’s desired reaction was for you to feel better, it just made you more embarrassed knowing that Jennie’s blatant dislike in dating you was known to all of her friends.

Today, it was your mission to forget all about Jennie and that night.

The antique store has been a treasure trove to you. It never failed to give you objects of delight and interest that instantly claimed your attention. Today was no different. Your eyes lit up as you see the old woman, who looked like your typical ahjumma, behind the counter. She wasn’t the kind of old woman you pity with old bones and troubled limbs, but the kind who could still run an entire marathon if given half the chance.

“Ah, Y/N!” the woman exclaimed, “I didn’t see you last week, dear.”

“It has been a nightmare at the company. I’m surprised I’m still walking,” you sighed, making your way to the shelves filled with odd objects.

“Y/N, you should really learn how to take a breather. You’re always at work! No wonder you’re still single,” Nora shook her head, shooting you a look of disapproval.

You laughed as you looked through every rack for some knickknack you wanted to bring home. There was a carved sandal-wood box packed tight with aromatic cotton-wool, and between the layers of cotton-wool were little brass figures, hump-necked bulls and peacocks and goblins, delightful to see and handle.

“You don’t need to remind me of my impending doom of living alone for the rest of my life, Nora.”

You let out an involuntary gasp as you spot a teapot fashioned like a china duck before carefully putting it inside your basket. You continued to stare amazed at the different peculiar objects, completely entranced, that you didn’t hear someone walking up beside you.

“Y/N?”

You jumped in surprise at the sudden voice. And not just any voice. You turned around to see Jennie looking at you with the same look of shock on her face. “Jennie?”

She looked down at your basket before giving you a tight-lipped smile. Something akin to an apologetic one.

“I’m… actually really glad I ran into you,” Jennie stammered, head bowed as if ashamed. “I’ve been meaning to apologize about my behavior last Saturday. I was being rude and incons-“

You cut her off with a soft smile, “Jennie, it’s fine. It’s all behind us now. Apology accepted.”

“Ugh, why do you have to be so understanding? I feel like shit,” she groaned, stomping her feet on the ground.

You almost laughed at how genuinely disturbed she seemed but figured you didn’t want to make her more upset.

“Stop beating yourself up for it,” you urged, gently patting her shoulder. “Anyways, I’ll have Nora ring this up on the counter. Good seeing you, Jen.”

Before you could walk away from the cat-eyed girl, you feel fingers wrapping itself around your wrist.

“It’s a beautiful day out. Care to spare a couple of hours to spend it with me?”

•

Jennie wasn’t lying. It really was a beautiful spring day out. Try as you might, your focus was scattered, filled with nervous anticipation. You were afraid you wouldn't be able to hold a conversation while your thoughts danced in infinite directions. Yeah, operation move on from Jennie Kim was not looking too good. Still as you walked with Jennie along the local park, you were determined to move past that and tried to convince yourself that this was nothing but a platonic hang out.

“How’s work been?” Jennie questioned, hands in her coat pockets as her eyes drifted to the kids playing around the field.

“Hard,” you sighed. “We’ve all been hard at work but I’m sure you know that given Rosie never really shuts up about it.”

Jennie laughs and you don’t feel the familiar butterflies you get whenever you heard the melodic sound and you think that maybe you’re finally making progress.

“Yeah, she always makes sure to give us an earful about it.”

“How about you though? The magazine is doing really great. I’ve seen at least a hundred people reading this month’s issue just today,” you exaggerated, wiggling your eyebrows which again brought out a laugh from Jennie.

She playfully nudged your shoulder, “Real funny, but yeah everything is doing really great. Getting Lady Gaga on this month’s issue was a really great move. We have Selena Gomez up next. We bagged a really great exclusive interview.”

You could hear the pride in Jennie’s voice and you knew it was warranted. Being the self-made CEO of her own fashion and lifestyle magazine, Jennie had every right to feel proud. Plus, it wasn’t easy pulling off having such A list celebrities to feature in your magazine.

“That’s really amazing, Jen. You should be proud of yourself. It’s only going up from here, I know it. I’m rooting for you,” you quipped.

Jennie shot you her famous gummy smile before letting out a whispered thank you.

As the both of you observed your surroundings, you realize you reached the pier.

“It’s getting pretty dark. Should you head home now?” you ask while taking in the beauty of the pier at night.

The pier was a permanent fun fair; bumper cars, the hall of mirrors, the ghost train, a loop-the-loop roller coaster and the big wheel. Waves playfully splashing below, gentle salty breeze, smoothies, burgers, donuts and cotton candy.

Jennie was equally taken by the bustling fair, shaking her head. “I think I can stay a little while longer.”

You broke out into a smile, holding out your hand. “Come on then!”

You dragged Jennie to the end of the dock before sitting down on the edge and beckoning her to do the same. When you tilted your head upward, you could see clearly millions of bright stars dotted on the black canvas of the night.

“It’s so beautiful,” Jennie mused.

“The pier is most beautiful at night. It never fails to shove aside the worries corrupting my mind even for a couple hours,” you smiled.

“Do you come here often?”

You snorted, “Are you flirting, Miss Kim?”

Jennie gasps before throwing her head backwards, erupting into laughter. “You know what I mean, Y/N! Also, what if I was?”

You decided to ignore the last part, suppressing the tingling feeling spreading throughout your body, “I used to come up a lot when Rosé and I were still struggling with the company.”

You could feel Jennie’s stare burning right through you.

“Tell me more about you, Y/N.”

•

Hours later, Jennie laid on her queen-size bed staring at the ceiling. She couldn’t shake the giddy state her night with you left her in. Spending time with you was filled with meaningful conversations and playful (and a little bit flirty) banter. Things with you felt natural and refreshing, like a breath of fresh air from the cocky and overconfident types she was used to going on dates with. Was this what she was missing out on when she decided to act like a complete imbecile on your date?

She couldn’t help the smile making its way to her face as she remembered the events of tonight. She felt light and warm and basically everything good in the world balled up into one. She felt like a high schooler with a crush. The thought of seeing you again tingled through her like electrical sparks on the way to the ground, gathering in her toes.

She was crushing hard.

So, when Jennie found out that Rosé was throwing a big party for her birthday next week, all she could think about was seeing you, talking to you, and maybe stealing a kiss. She was convinced she was just floating through her way on the days leading up to Rosé’s party.

The party was electric just as Jennie expected. Everyone was feeding off of each other’s smiles and fast dancing. She was in one of the lounge couches chatting with her friends sipping on a rum runner as she tried to look past the sweaty dancing bodies with the mission of spotting you.

“Jendeukie, you seem distracted!” Jisoo yelled through the music.

Jennie chuckled, feeling a blush form on her cheeks. Thankfully, the glow from consuming one or two glasses of alcoholic drinks successfully masked it.

“Excuse me for a sec,” she announced as she got up and made her way to the kitchen.

“Jen!”

She cringed as she realized who the voice belonged to. She almost forgot Kai was Rosé’s cousin and was most likely invited to the party.

“Kai, hey…” she sighed.

She was annoyed that the boy had interrupted her attempt to find you, plus she really wasn’t in the mood for small talk with an ex.

“You look ravishing tonight,” Kai smirked, reaching out for Jennie.

She quickly dodged Kai’s advances and whooshed past him, leaving the boy confused in her wake.

“Nice seeing you but I gotta go!”

She breathed a sigh of relief as she escaped her lame excuse of an ex-boyfriend but the relief was short-lived as her eyes found the scene not a couple feet away from her. You were by the sliding door that lead to Rosé’s poolside talking to some woman who was clearly interested in you, judging by the way she was caressing your arm up and down with her ugly wicked fingers. The woman started laughing and she knew you probably said something stupidly funny, reminding her of how much you made her laugh last week. This time though, Jennie was not on the receiving end of your witty remarks and she didn’t know how to feel about it.

This was probably how you felt that night when Jennie ignored your whole existence just to stare all night at her ex. Jennie felt disappointment bubble inside her as she finally decided to tear her gaze away from you and the girl. She sighed as she accepted the fact that you were done with her. Why wouldn’t you be? Did she really expect you to pine over her for years and then come crawling back just because of one night where Jennie did the bare minimum and was a decent human being to you?

Dejected, she takes a break from the loud and busy party downstairs and made her way to the upstairs balcony. The balcony was a concrete ledge with square rough edges but it quickly became an oasis to Jennie as she found comfort in the silence.

“Hey there, stranger.”

Jennie turned her head so fast she swore she almost had whiplash.

“Y/N?”

You grinned as you joined her near the railings, “The one and only. What are you doing here?”

Jennie shrugged off the bitter feeling of seeing you flirting with another girl and forced out a smile, “Needed some fresh air. How about you? You seemed really busy downstairs.”

You raise an eyebrow at Jennie’s icy tone, narrowing your eyes at the girl. What was she on about?

At your (admittedly adorable) confused look, Jennie sighed as she explained.

“You were busy chatting up a girl downstairs, were you not?”

“Careful,” you teased. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were jealous.”

Expecting a defensive reply, you were surprised to find the girl fiddling with her hands. “Jennie?”

You saw as Jennie struggled, clenching and unclenching her jaw, eyes closed in frustration.

“I…I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight,” she lamented, finally opening her eyes to meet yours.

“For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about you. That night at the pier…” she went on, “I realized how stupid I was for not paying attention to you sooner. This amazing person right under my fucking nose the whole time. God, I could’ve saved us both a crapload of time if I weren’t so dumb.”

To say you weren’t expecting this was an understatement. Was Jennie Kim confessing to you? You wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

“No use thinking about what could’ve happened if you did this or that,” you stared seriously at the girl in front of you. “Um, I’m right here now, aren’t I?”

You tried to laugh but it came out strained. You still couldn’t believe what was happening.

“So, the girl downstairs?”

“Literally just met her tonight. She’s cool. Didn’t really pay any mind to her to be honest,” you smiled.

“Good,” Jennie hummed, satisfied with your answer. “I meant what I said by the way. I’d really like to start over.”

Before you could come up with a reply, soft plump limps planted itself on your cheek.

“If you’ll have me,” Jennie whispers against your cheek.

 •

“Ugh, today was so stressful!” Jennie agonized as she plopped down on the soft cushion of your sofa. Immediately, her body finds itself entangled with yours. This, Jennie knew, was all she needed after a long day.

“Tell me about it then baby,” you started running your fingers through her messy curls while your free hand intertwined your hands together.

“First, the AC in my office broke down and I was sweating buckets half the day since the repair team didn’t arrive until 2PM,” Jennie revealed, planting a soft kiss on your neck. “To make things worse, my beautiful girlfriend wasn’t able to visit me because she had a meeting come up last minute.”

You giggled hearing your girlfriend’s words, “Clingy.”

Jennie breaks away from your hold, a wild look on her face. “How dare you! Is it a crime that I’m desperately in love with you and wanted to see you during my lunch break?”

“I’m kidding,” you chuckled. “You know I would’ve loved to see your pretty face today.”

“You better be,” Jennie taunted. “I love you.”

…

…

...

“Hey Jen?”

“Hm?”

“Remember two years ago on our first date you ignored me the whole time to glare at your ex-boyfriend?”

Your soft laugh filled them room as Jennie groaned, hitting you square on the stomach, “Don’t you dare bring that up. I don’t even wanna imagine not being with you. Just the thought makes me wanna puke.”

You rolled your eyes at your girlfriend’s dramatics, “Good thing you don’t have to ever live through that then.” hi:) i accept requests now

[slapshot-to-the-heart]

Shotgun - m. tkachuk

And here is 8.7k of a road trip with Matthew Tkachuk, which honestly, is the real dream. Let me know what you think of it, reblog (I love looking at tags!!) and pop into my inbox if you’d like!

Wine pairing from someone with zero authority on the subject: a nice brut rosé - crisp, fruity, bubbly. Plus, I like the vibes. 

It all started with a text. What are the chances you can get the week after next off? Matthew had sent. Madison’s brow furrowed. Doubtful, but I can try. Are you going to tell me what this is about? There was a week left in the season before playoffs started, and with the points spread in the Pacific being what it was, the matchups were all but locked in. It took less than a minute to get a response. No :) I’ll let you know once you get an answer. She got approved for the time off two days later. Her phone rang as soon as she texted him the news. “How do you feel about road trips?”

---

Maddy had met Matthew about a little over a year prior, soon after she moved to Calgary from her hometown of Toronto. Having finished her first week of work as a computer programmer, there was nothing Madison wanted more than to let loose and enjoy a few drinks with her friends. She was sharing a two-bedroom with her best friend Emily, who Maddy would swear up and down was the sunniest, warmest, most kind person she’d ever met. Not like Maddy wasn’t a nice person — she was — but where her idea of relaxing meant going out bouldering, or camping, or a last-minute road trip, Emily was more of a homebody. 

But going out meant going out, and so Emily was happily dragged along to a bar downtown; which one, she couldn’t really say. Madison walked up to the bar as soon as they entered, catching the bartender’s eye and ordering a Tom Collins. She tapped her fingers on the counter as she waited, glancing around the room. It was ten o’clock on a Friday night, so it was plenty packed. “What are you getting?” Madison asked Emily curiously. 

She held up her Molson. “I’m a woman of simple tastes. Plus, I didn’t feel like waiting around for the bartender to actually make me a drink,” Emily added dryly. 

Maddy rolled her eyes. “What’s the point of going out to a bar when you’re just going to be drinking something you could get at the liquor store?” Emily stuck her tongue out. The bartender slid Maddy’s glass over, taking her card and swiping it through quickly. “Thank you!” she chirped, whipping around to head over and snag a free table she had seen a few minutes before. 

She never ended up getting to the table. Instead, she ran straight into 6 feet, 2 inches of pure Midwestern beef. “Woah!” Matthew said, steadying her as she watched her glass fall to the floor, thankfully not breaking but absolutely spilling its entire contents over the wood. “You good?” 

Madison nodded, grabbing a rag from the bartender. Matthew followed suit, joining her on the floor. “Got a little on my shoes, but it’ll be fine. They won’t stain.”

Matthew nodded, giving a final wipe before taking her rag and handing both back over the counter. “Did me spilling your drink all over you ruin my chances of getting your name?”

“Madison St. Pierre,” she said, laughing and sticking out a hand for him to shake. 

“Matthew Tkachuk, but—”

Maddy cut him off. “I probably already know that?” Matthew ducked his head sheepishly. “I may be a long-suffering Leafs fan, but I don’t live under a rock.”

He took a sip of his beer, leaning up against the bar. “Not from around here, eh?”

Maddy shook her head. “Just moved a couple weeks ago. I’m from Toronto, moved here for a job. I do computer programming,” she said by way of explanation. 

“A smart girl.”

She tilted her head. “You could say that.”

“Well,” he said, “I feel bad about spilling your drink on you, let me buy you another.” 

Maddy laughed. “If you insist. It’s really the least you could do.”

Matthew nodded at the bartender, ordering her another Tom Collins and putting it on his tab. “You and your friend are more than welcome to join us,” he gestured behind him to where the rest of his group was sitting, “we were playing a drinking game and could use a few more players anyway.”

And that was how Matthew met Maddy. 

---

Day 1 

Ten days later, Madison was hefting her duffel bag into the trunk of her Nissan. It was 7:00 on a Tuesday. Normally on a day off she’d be taking advantage of every possible minute of sleep she could get, but lines to cross the border could be long and they wanted to get to Montana by lunch. She waved goodbye to Emily, hopping in the driver’s seat and starting the engine. Matthew had initially suggested they just get a rental car, since it would save Maddy the 20-hour drive back. But a quick Google search let them know that the chances of finding a company willing to let them drop off a Canadian car in Nevada were slim to none. Plus, Maddy had always liked driving, so it wasn’t really an issue for her. They weren’t going to be alone on the trip; Matthew had invited Elias and Rasmus along. She felt a little bit like a school bus driver, stopping at Elias’s complex to pick him up, then Rasmus’ condo, finally pulling into the underground lot of Matthew’s apartment building. Holding one hand up in greeting, he wheeled his suitcases over to her car.

Maddy unblocked her seatbelt, hopping out to help him. “Why on earth did you need so many bags?” she huffed, turning one on its side and wedging it in between hers and Elias’s. 

He shrugged. “I’ve got a bag for the trip, a bag of actual clothes and workout stuff for the series, and the suit bag.” He hung the offending article on a hook. “Did you think I’d be able to set my vanity aside for a whole four days?”

“I should have known that would be too much to ask.”

Matty threw his head back, laughing. “Anyone ever told you how funny you are, Mads?”

“Once or twice, Ratthew,” she said, slamming the door shut. 

Maddy hopped back in the driver’s seat, jamming the key in the ignition and turning the engine on. “Next stop, boys, is America.”

---

Well technically, the next stop was a gas station off of Highway 2, about twenty minutes from the border. “Wait, wait,” Matthew said, a conspiratorial grin on his face as Madison took the pump out of the gas tank. 

She raised one eyebrow. “What?”

He made grabby hands at her keys. “Let me drive.”

“Why?” Madison asked. “I’ve been driving for like what, two hours? I’m not tired yet.”

“I’m the only American in the car.”

Maddy put the pump back. “And?”

Matthew looked sheepish. “Someone said that the border patrol officers will tell Americans ‘welcome home’ when they’re coming back. It’s never happened to me flying so I wanted to see if it would be different in a car.”

“If it means that much to you?” she said, tossing the keys over the hood of the car. Matthew caught them. Maddy rounded the back of the car before she could see him ducking his head, blushing. 

They arrived at the Piegan/Carway crossing shortly after. With exactly zero cars in front of them, Matthew pulled straight up to the booth. 

“Purpose of your visit?” the officer said, looking into the driver’s side. 

“Three of us play hockey, we’re road tripping down to Las Vegas before our playoff series starts in a few days,” Matty answered easily. 

He nodded. “And how long will you be in the States for?”

It was clear either this man had never watched a series of professional sports in his life, or he was just following a standard script. “Depends?” Matthew said, fully aware of how questionable that sounded. 

Maddy piped up from the passenger seat. “I’m driving the car back, so I’ll be back in eight days.”

“Right,” Matthew nodded, “But this trip to the US, we’ll be back in seven days. We’re flying back on the team plane, so it’s not a land crossing.” He decided to forego mentioning that, barring a sweep, they’d be back again in two weeks.

The poor officer looked bewildered. “Team plane?”

Matty shrugged his shoulders. “We play for the Calgary Flames, the team charters a plane to fly us from Calgary to wherever we’re playing and back. We decided to take the scenic route this time.” 

“Okay,” he said, but Madison still wasn’t convinced he actually understood what Matty was saying. If the border officer thought anything of the American, Canadian, and Swedish passports he was handed, he didn’t say anything. Giving a cursory glance, he handed them back. “Welcome back,” he nodded to Matthew, waving the car through the gate. Matthew pumped his fist.

---

An hour later, Matthew pulled into a dirt parking lot on the edge of Glacier National Park. “WE MADE IT!” he exclaimed, putting the car in park and throwing his hands up. 

“We drove three hours,” Elias said from the back seat. 

“And?” Matty challenged, opening the door. 

Maddy grabbed her backpack, stuffed with sandwiches and snacks that they had gotten on their way in. “If you guys brought hiking boots or good tennis shoes, now’s the time,” she said, lacing up her own boots. “There’s a loop around here that’s a little under four miles long, doesn’t sound like it’s too difficult but there is some elevation climb, so better safe than sorry.” People typically didn’t peg her for it, but Maddy was a very outdoorsy person at heart. She had taken up rock climbing in high school, and was a regular at the bouldering gyms back in Toronto until she moved. She’d found a climbing gym she liked well enough in Calgary, but with Banff just over an hour away from the city, the park had become her go-to for climbing and hiking. Matty had come with her on more than one occasion, and had surprised her with a long weekend camping for her birthday in March. The snow hadn’t all melted yet, and waking up to the powder-dusted fir trees outside of their tent had been one of the most beautiful sights of her life. 

“Everyone’s got a full water bottle?” she asked, tying up her hair. The last thing anyone wanted was to get heatstroke in one of the most remote parts of the park with only one phone that could even connect to an American cell tower. 

The group started off at a leisurely pace, wandering off-trail to check out anything and everything that caught their interest. The edge of the St. Mary Valley served as the perfect backdrop for lunch, Maddy pulling the sandwiches out from her bag and doling them out. “Oh thank God, I’m starving,” Elias said, grabbing his food from Maddy practically before she even had it in her hand. 

“Did you not have breakfast?” she asked incredulously. 

He nodded. “I did, but I’m still hungry. Should have brought snacks.” Off to his side, Matty snickered. 

 Day 2

Elias had volunteered to take over from Matthew to drive through the night, switching off sometime around sunrise with Rasmus. “I 100% have a crick in my neck,” Maddy grimaced, blinking the sleep out of her eyes and checking her phone. 

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Matthew smiled. Maddy groaned, leaning into his side. Almost instinctively, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. He unscrewed the cap of his water bottle, taking a few gulps before setting it back down on the floor of the car, where it promptly rolled away. 

“Who do I have to blow to get a decent cup of coffee around here?” Maddy groaned. Matthew almost choked on his water. He had to get his mind off of the idea of Maddy blowing anything or he was about to have an issue. He pulled out his phone, jumping on Google maps. 

“There’s a little coffee shop a few miles ahead, off of the Spruce Drive exit?” he asked tentatively. 

She yawned. “As long as they sell caffeine, I’m game.” They did indeed sell caffeine, and after inhaling two cappuchinos and a small mountain of pastries later, Maddy hopped back behind the wheel. “You sure bear claws and muffins are on the meal plan, boys?” she asked, a smile playing on the corner of her lips. 

Rasmus waved her off. “It’s not like you’re going to rat us out, are you?” 

She shrugged, wiggling her phone in her hand as she pulled up at a stoplight. “Bold of you to assume I don’t have Coach’s number in my phone.”

Matty plucked her phone from her hand, placing it back by the center console. “Be that as it may, sweet Madison, you neglect to remember that I’m the only one with coverage in the U.S.” He might not strike most people as a particularly sentimental person, but Matthew loved his family, and decided that the extra charge was well worth being able to call his parents and sister whenever he was missing them. 

She stuck her tongue out at Matthew. “You ruin all of my fun, you know that?” All he did was grin. The drive to Mesa Falls wasn’t long at all, they had just finished their food — Matty popping bites of muffin into Madison’s mouth as she drove — when she pulled over to the curb by the sign. Maddy threw the boys’ backpacks to them, pointing to the single bathroom stall in the tiny rest area. “Go change, I’ll use the car.”

“Why can’t we have the car?” Matthew complained.

She looked at him. “Three full-grown men, all over six feet, in one car. I know you see each other’s dicks all day in the locker room, but I’d really rather not have that in my car. Think.”

Matty made an “o” with his mouth. “Gotcha.”

Swim trunks were much easier to get on than a wrap bikini, Madison was finding, and the boys were finished changing well before she was done figuring out her top. She bit her lip, poking her head out of the door. “Matty?” 

He turned around, eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”

“Could you help me tie this?” she asked, gesturing to the halter top. “I think it’s stuck or something.”

Matthew swallowed hard, his eyes widening as he tried to stutter through a sentence. “Uh, yeah. I can do that. For sure,” he said, shuffling over to the car. He gently untwisted the straps, gathering them into a bow at the base of her neck and trying very, very hard to not think about how soft her skin felt underneath his fingers. This was one of his best friends. And best friends weren’t supposed to think about that kind of stuff. Right?

Behind them, Elias and Rasmus shared a glance. They had expected something was going on between them, really ever since the party in November, but this was something new. They had never seen Matthew gone this far for a girl before. And they liked this side of him. 

“Thanks,” she said, squeezing his shoulder before disappearing back into the car to throw on a coverup. “How long is the walk to the actual waterfalls?”

“Not long,” Elias responded. “Ten minutes or so?” It was an easy walk to the falls, which were mercifully empty when they got there. They kicked off their sandals, leaving the bags under a nearby bush. Matthew knew Madison was pretty. She wasn’t a nun and he wasn’t a saint; she had seen him shirtless more times than he could count and he had seen her come out of his guest room in nothing but an oversized t-shirt of his after she stayed the night. His thoughts hadn’t exactly been innocent. But as she pulled her t-shirt over her head, leaving her clad only in that damn red bikini, he was convinced he’d never seen a more gorgeous sight. 

She turned around just as Matthew tore his eyes away, looking mischievously at him. “Last one in?” They sprinted to the water. Matty let her win. 

---

About half of their stops had been planned in advance; the others were pulled from websites or Google suggestions or whatever their waitress’ recommendation was for a local must-see. The Idaho Potato Museum fell into the latter category. Rasmus had floated the idea shortly after they had left Mesa Falls, and seeing as how nobody had anything better to suggest, they ran with it. 

“Free taters for out of staters,” Matthew said, reading off of the pamphlet they had been handed at the welcome desk. 

“Will they give me extra since I’m Canadian?” Madison wondered aloud. “For all intents and purposes they think you live in Missouri, Matty.” The nickname rolled off her tongue so easily, she didn’t even think twice. 

He passed the paper to her, the tips of their fingers barely brushing together, but Matthew could have sworn his heart skipped a beat. “Don’t get greedy, Mads.” They walked down a dimly-lit hallway lined with black-and-white photos. 

“Did you know that the first potatoes grown in the United States were planted in Londonderry, New Hampshire, by Scotch-Irish immigrants?” Elias read off of a placard, his voice sounding like a disinterested radio announcer. 

Maddy shook her head. “I didn’t, thank you so much for imparting on me this most important knowledge, Elias.”

“My pleasure,” he replied. 

“Did you know that you could survive off of a diet of only potatoes and butter?” Rasmus chimed in, reading another sign. 

“Really?” Matthew asked, leaning in to read. He turned to Madison a moment later. “Really, apparently.”

Half an hour of wandering later, Matthew and Madison had stumbled into the “artifacts” portion of the museum. “What kind of artifacts does a potato museum have?” Maddy asked, looking supremely confused. 

Matthew wiggled his eyebrows at her. “Why don’t we see?” For some reason, he decided it would be a good idea to hold his hand out for her. And for some reason, Maddy took it. 

The “artifacts” turned out to consist of some old farm tools, dusty burlap sacks, and the world’s largest potato chip. Elias and Ramsus were on the other side of the museum, leaving Matthew and Madison to drift through alone. “Crisp, actually,” Matthew said, reading the card under the glass case. “Because I guess they’re worried about people stealing it?”

“There’s a difference?”

He shrugged. “Apparently it’s only a chip if it’s a slice of potato. This was made from dehydrated potato flakes, or something like that.” Maddy wasn’t sure if it was the sepia-tinted lighting, or the lingering memory of how Matty’s fingertips burned like fire against her back as he tied her bikini, or if there was something particularly romantic about dehydrated potato flakes, but they were alone in the room and suddenly she was looking at him a little bit differently. Matthew looked at her, gaze soft as his eyes flickered almost imperceptibly down towards her lips. Her lips. His body leaned in, and just as she closed her eyes, waiting for his lips to meet hers, wondering if they were really going to do this in the middle of the Idaho fucking Potato Museum—

“We were wondering where you guys had gone off to!” Elias’s Swedish accent cut through the silence. Matthew threw his head back, silently cursing his teammate’s timing. If Elias and Rasmus realized anything was off, they didn’t say. “The lady at the front said it’s closing in ten minutes, so we thought we should head out and get something to eat.”

Maddy nodded in agreement, her cheeks burning. “Sounds good. I could go for some food.” They made their way back outside, Matthew settling behind the wheel as he steered the car back onto the highway. He tried to shake the almost-kiss from his mind, but the more he tried to forget it, the more the memory stuck. 

Elias looked down at his phone. “Yelp says there’s an Indian place coming up on the left if that sounds good to you guys,” he said, shaking Matthew from his thoughts. 

Maddy scrunched her nose. “All due respect, I don’t trust this town to make good Indian food. Potatoes, burgers, meat, sure. I buy it. But I haven’t seen a single person of color since we left Glacier.” 

“Fair.” 

The burgers were good; nothing to write home about, but Maddy was honestly thrilled to eat something that didn’t come out of a bag. The plan had originally been to drive through the night again to reach Salt Lake City by the early morning, but Maddy made it clear her back didn’t take too well to sleeping in the car, and the others agreed. “Rasmus, mind finding a hotel nearby? Doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just somewhere not too far off of the freeway,” Madison asked. He nodded, pulling out his phone. They had gotten tired of passing around Matthew’s phone anytime they were out of Wifi range, so after a little complaining and one of Maddy’s puppy-dog eye looks, he finally relented and turned his hotspot on. 

“There’s a Holiday Inn up off of the next exit if that sounds good to you guys,” Rasmus said. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the Post Malone song that Matty had plugged in. They switched the aux every few hours. 

“Yeah, works for me.” Madison hummed her agreement; Matty nodded. Rasmus flicked on the blinkers, gently cruising down the offramp, pulling into the parking lot of the Holiday Inn about half a mile down the road. 

Madison bit the inside of her cheek. “They’re going to have rooms available, yeah?” 

“Mads, it’s May in the middle of nowhere, Idaho. I don’t exactly think they’ve got business lining up out the door.” Matty said, looking at her from the side as they walked into the hotel lobby. 

The whole trip was Matthew’s idea, so he insisted on footing the bill, handing his credit card and license over to the receptionist. Maddy snickered behind her hand. Matthew turned back to look at her, one eyebrow raised questioningly. “Something you’d like to share with the class, Madison?”

“Missouri licenses look weird,” she commented.

“And Alberta’s any better?”

She scrunched her nose. “We have a dinosaur on ours. Beat that.”

“I’ll let you have that one,��� Matty said, the corner of his lip twitching as he thanked the receptionist, tucking the cards back into his wallet. She handed over the room keys, Matthew passing two to Rasmus and Elias and one to Maddy. “I had us together, if you don’t mind.” 

Madison shook her head. “Fine with me.” It wasn’t unusual for her to stay over at Matthew’s apartment, either after going out or when their movie nights ran a little long and she woke up to Matty tucking her into the bed in his guest room. She had a toothbrush in his bathroom, a change of clothes in the dresser. She had offered to take her stuff back a few months ago, not wanting any girl he might bring over to get the wrong idea. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” he had said when she asked, waving her off. Though, come to think of it, he hadn’t brought any girl home — that she knew about — since sometime around the beginning of the year. 

They waved goodbye to Rasmus and Elias, promising to wake up bright and early to get the first crack at the breakfast buffet when it opened at 7. Matty swiped his card, holding the door open when the light turned green and the knob twisted. “After you, m’lady.” 

“Why thank you, good sir,” Maddy giggled, ducking under his arm into the entryway. She stopped at the end of the hall, eyes flickering into the room. 

Matthew stopped behind her. “What’s up?”

“There’s only one bed.”

His head jerked around the corner, not like he doubted her word or anything, but he needed to see it for himself. There was only one bed. One big bed, one very comfortable-looking bed, but one bed. Matty dropped his bag on the floor. “Uh...D’you want me to call down? I can see if they’ve got another room if that would make you more comfortable.”

Madison pursed her lips for a second before shaking her head. “No, it’s fine. We’re adults, we can share a bed without burning the house down.” It wasn’t like Maddy was lying for Matthew’s sake; she really was fine with it. Maybe a little too fine. But they had slept together — in the innocent sense of the word — before, and everything had turned out okay. His arm draped over her shoulder as she cuddled into his shoulder on a late night, her legs tangled in his when some of his friends from St. Louis were visiting for the weekend and took the guest room. He had offered to take the couch that night, but Maddy didn’t want to relegate him to a night of back cramps and drafty breezes, especially when he had an early practice the next day. Nobody ever made it weird, so it wasn’t weird. 

She took her bundle of clothes into the shower, relishing in the feeling of hot water raining down on her aching muscles. Maddy was loving the trip, genuinely, but being in a car for twelve hours out of the day took something out of a person. Slipping into an old college t-shirt, Madison thought for a moment about putting on a pair of sweats. It wasn’t particularly cold — the opposite, in fact — but she didn’t know if it would make Matthew feel weird if she wasn’t wearing pants. Fuck it, she thought, pulling up her boyshorts. If he had an issue with it, it was his problem. Throwing her hair up in a towel to dry, she turned the doorknob, poking her head out the door. “Shower’s open if you wanted to hop in,” she said.

Matty nodded, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “I shouldn’t be too long, why don’t you find something for us to watch?” he asked, tossing her the remote. It wasn’t quite nine o’clock, and while she was tired, Maddy knew if she tried to go to sleep she’d wake up well before dawn, and that wasn’t something anyone wanted. Madison climbed up onto the bed, tucking her feet underneath her and grabbed the channel guide. True to his word, Matthew was in and out in under ten minutes, rubbing his hair with a towel as he walked out. Athletic shorts. Shirtless. Maddy couldn’t help but give him the once-over, having to jerk her eyes back up to his face the moment she realized what she was doing. Matthew met her eyes, the ghost of a smirk playing on his face. “I can put a shirt on if you’d like…”

“No! You’re good,” Maddy replied, maybe a little too quickly to avoid suspicion. 

He ducked back into the bathroom, throwing the towel over the shower curtain. “So, what did you settle on?”

She looked back at the TV. “Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives?”

Matty jumped onto the bed. “Guy Fieri. What a legend. Awesome. Where’s he going?”

Three and a half episodes later, it was almost eleven, and Madison’s eyes were starting to droop. Sometime midway through the second episode, when Guy was visiting an Asian fusion restaurant in Colorado, her head had drifted onto Matthew’s shoulder, where it had stayed ever since. His arm wrapped loosely around her, Matty brought his hand up to brush away a stray piece of hair that had drifted into her face. “Getting sleepy, Mads?”

She yawned, nodding and trying to push herself up. “‘M looking forward to a good night’s sleep in an actual bed.”

Matthew laughed softly. “Let’s get you in bed, then.” He threw back the comforter, Madison crawling under, and reached over to the nightstand, turning off the lamps and TV. “Give me your phone,” he said. 

“Why?” Maddy asked, her brow furrowing. 

“You always forget to charge it overnight, and I don’t want you to be grumpy when it dies at 10 AM.” She mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like a concession, handing over her iPhone. Matty plugged it in, clambering beneath the sheets. “Sweet dreams, Mads. Good night.”

“Night, Matty.”

 Day 3

 The first thing Madison noticed when she woke up was the warm, unfamiliar weight slung around her waist. It took her a moment to realize that it was Matty’s arm, who hadn’t woken up yet. For some reason that she couldn’t quite identify, or maybe didn’t want to confront quite yet, it wasn’t unwelcome at all, and she savored the last few minutes of physical closeness before he woke up. And he did, wake up, that is. His cheeks reddened as he opened his eyes, pulling his arm away to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. “Sorry about that,” he said sheepishly.

Maddy ducked her head. “Nothing to be sorry about. I didn’t mind.”

Matthew yawned. “What time is it?”

“Uh, just before seven,” she said, rolling over to look at the alarm clock. “I’d love to stay in bed a little longer, but we did promise the boys we’d meet them down at breakfast soon.”

He nodded, making a very concerted effort to not read into her statements any more than he absolutely had to. “Yeah, good idea,” he said, tossing the covers off and walking into the bathroom. “I’ll sit on you if you’re not up by the time I get back out there.” Maddy took the opportunity to change, threading a belt through her jeans and half-tucking a t-shirt. “I like the look,” he said when he walked out, as Maddy was twisting her hair up into a bun. It wasn’t entirely unusual for Matthew to compliment her; she had accompanied him to more than one charity event for the Flames as his date, but she had always been dressed up. Dress, heels, makeup that she probably stressed way too much over. Dressed to the nines, never in jeans and a t-shirt before. But she didn’t really notice, the compliment meaning just as much to her as if she’d been in a floor-length gown. 

“Thanks,” she said, stuffing her clothes from the night before back into her duffel. “I packed the rest of your bag while you were in there, figured I might as well.”

It was Matty’s turn to thank her, squeezing her hand appreciatively before giving the room a quick look. “We didn’t forget anything, then?”

Madison laughed. “We really didn’t stay long enough to unpack, but yeah, we’ve got everything, don’t worry.”

---

Elias had volunteered to do the drive down to Salt Lake City. Matthew’s inner six-year-old had returned, insisting that the group stop at a dinosaur park in a rural part of Utah. What “dinosaur park” meant, Madison wasn’t sure, but it made Matty happy, so she didn’t fight it. 

The museum was mostly outdoors, with life-sized dinosaur models dotting the massive field. “Were you much into dinosaurs as a kid?” Matthew asked Madison. 

“Kind of?” she replied noncommittally. “I always loved learning about them, but never had like a ‘dinosaur phase’ like David or Cody,” she said, referring to her older brothers. “My family used to go to the Canadian Museum of Nature a ton when I was a kid, since it was only a few hours away in Ottawa, and it has like a billion fossils in it.”

“Which was your favorite?”

“Pachycephalosaurus,” she said easily.

Matthew blinked. “Pachycephalo-what?” he asked in confusion. He thought he knew all of them?

Maddy laughed. “Pachycephalosaurus. They had these really spiny heads. But secretly, I think I was a little bit of a teacher’s pet who just liked saying the name. Pretty sure they were actually native to Alberta?” she added. “What about you?”

“Well, now I’m embarrassed to say.”

“Oh, come on,” Madison said, nudging him with her shoulder. “Promise I won’t make fun of you.”

“Fine, fine,” Matty gave in, “it was the brachiosaurus.”

“How come?” she asked curiously. 

“I liked the long necks.” 

They spent another hour or so at the park, Matty grabbing a keychain on the way out. “They didn’t have a brachiosaurus,” he muttered, half-angry, picking up a T-rex one instead. It wasn’t a long drive to the actual Great Salt Lake, and for some reason, they had trusted Elias with the aux. Much to Maddy’s chagrin, he didn’t end up playing ABBA, and they were instead led to cruise down I-15 to the dulcet tones of J.S. Bach. 

Madison looked down at her phone. “Anyone want to go see the Joseph Smith sphinx?” 

“Joseph Smith?” Rasmus questioned.

“Sphinx?” asked Elias.

Matthew laughed. “You know those Egyptian statues of like the cat ladies? Where they have cat bodies but the faces of people?” 

“Joseph Smith was the founder of the Mormon church,” Madison explained. “Well, technically it’s called the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, but—”

“Know-it-all,” Matty said in a sing-song voice. Madison shot a glare at him from the back seat. 

“But most people still call them Mormons. And apparently they made him into a sphinx.”

Elias looked at her, still dumbfounded. “But why?”

Maddy shrugged. “Honestly? Beats me.” The weather had dropped too much by the time they had reached the lake to make swimming very practical, so the four of them settled for taking off their shoes, rolling up pants, and wading into the shoreline. 

Matthew bent down, picking up a chipped white rock from the ground, the water just lapping at his fingers. He handed it to Madison. “For you.”

She took it gently, running her hands over the jagged surface. “Aren’t you not allowed to take anything from a national park?”

He winked. “I won’t tell if you don’t.” They stopped at a Chipotle just as the sun was beginning to set, Matthew taking over driving duties from Rasmus. The plan was to drive for another two hours or so, stopping somewhere in southern Utah for the night to spare themselves from another night spent in her Nissan. 

They drove in silence for a while, Elias and Rasmus drifting to sleep in the back row, before a road sign caught Matty’s eyes and he spoke. “I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon, you know,” he said as they continued down I-15. 

Maddy looked over at him. “Do you want to go?” She didn’t know where the suggestion came from, but it was out of her mouth before she could take it back, and after a moment, she realized that she didn’t even want to.

His eyebrows raised as he glanced over at her before turning back to the road, the car’s headlights the only thing in sight. “You mean it?” 

Madison shrugged. “Yeah, why not?” She quickly popped the directions into her phone. “It’s only a few hours out of the way, if we drive through the night instead of stopping somewhere we should have more than enough time.” 

“But didn’t you say sleeping in the car made your back hurt?” Matty asked curiously. 

She smiled softly. “I don’t mind, really. I’ll drive. You’re more important.” Honestly, Maddy surprised herself with her boldness. She wasn’t shy by any stretch of the imagination, but it hadn’t escaped her that the dynamic between her and Matthew had changed in the past few weeks and was about to come to a boil. Matty wasn’t exactly the type of guy Madison expected to have a lot of friends who were girls. And a part of her hated that, hated that because of his reputation she automatically assumed when they became friends that all he wanted to do was get in her pants. There had only been one time in their entire year of friendship when they’d even done so much as kissed, and it wasn’t exactly what you’d consider normal circumstances.

---

It was November of the previous year, about six months after Matthew and Madison had met. Matthew had been even more in his head than normal; he hadn’t scored a single point since midway through their East Coast road trip over two weeks ago, and the disappointment was really starting to rag on him. It might not have been something he outwardly showed all that much, but those who knew him knew that Matthew was actually a deeply sensitive person, who took pride in his wins and carried losses with him well after they had faded from the minds of the rest of the hockey world. 

When it had gotten to the point where his frustration was starting to affect his game, Maddy knew it was time to do something. “You’re so much more than your stats, Matty,” she had said, calling him right before she left for the Saddledome. “I know you take this personally, and you feel like you’re letting down the team, but that’s bullshit and somewhere deep down, I know you agree.” Matthew grumbled something that might have been an agreement. “Your team trusts you, they trust you with the puck and with the A, and you’re never going to disappoint them as long as you’re giving it your all. And if you’re the Matthew Tkachuk I know, there’s never a time when you don’t. And win or lose tonight, there’s nothing you could do to change the fact that your family loves you, and your friends love you, and I love you too. Okay?” Clearly, something in her little pep talk had flipped a switch in Matty, because he returned in spectacular form that night, scoring a hat trick in a roaring 5-1 win over the Coyotes. And he didn’t throw a single punch all game. 

A good game without a travel day following usually calls for going out, and a great game with your best friend scoring a hat trick definitely calls for going out, so she dragged Emily along to the bar that Matthew had told her to meet the team at. Matthew had pulled her into a hug the moment she arrived, kissing her cheek and trying his damndest not to spill the beer in his hand on her shoes. An hour and a half into the night, Madison was four drinks in, well and truly drunk, and Emily had wandered off and appeared to be flirting with an extremely oblivious Noah Hanifin. 

“How are you doing, Mads?” Matthew asked, coming up from behind her barstool and resting his hand gently on the small of her back. 

She looked back at him, a goofy smile on her face, and took another sip of her drink. “I’m good, I’m realllly good,” she giggled. “Did I ever get a chance to tell you how good you were tonight?” Matthew shook his head, very poorly concealing a laugh. He had had more than one beer, sure, but he was nowhere near as gone as Madison. “Because you were really good. A-ma-zing,” she added, punctuating each syllable. Her eyes softened as she leaned in. “I know the points drought was starting to weigh on you, and I’m really glad you were able to do this for yourself. I’m always proud of you, Matty, but I was a little extra proud of you tonight. People sometimes write you off as just another good player without any real subsistence,” she paused, correcting herself, “substance, off the ice, but I know the real you, and the real you is even more incredible than the you that plays hockey. It’s my favorite thing to see.”

“It is?” Matthew asked softly, leaning into the hand that had begun to caress his cheek a little bit imprecisely, but that somehow communicated every kind of unsaid word between them. 

Madison nodded, touching his forehead to hers, and then she tilted in. And then she kissed him. Her lips met his, and she tasted like lime and spearmint chewing gum and his favorite kind of tequila. Her lips met his, and it seemed like the room stood still; he barely heard his teammates’ wolf-whistles or Emily’s elated gasp in the background. Her lips met his, and he drank in every second of the kiss until she pulled away. 

---

Maddy hadn’t been drunk enough to black out that night, and she came to the next morning with a roaring headache and the pang of regret in her heart. She thought it was shame at her behavior, embarrassment that she could act so impulsively, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized. The fact that she kissed Matthew wasn’t the issue, not to her, at least. It was the fact that she was drunk in a bar after a hockey game and that wasn’t how she wanted it to happen. She pushed her feelings to the side, trying desperately to focus on work and supporting Matty through the rest of the season, but they always tended to flare up when they were least welcome. Like at the Idaho Potato Museum.

Which of course meant that Matthew would choose this moment, driving down I-15 with two sleeping Swedish hockey players in the backseat, to bring it up. “I remember when you kissed me, you know,” Matty said softly, reaching up to brush his fingers over his lips, like if he tried hard enough he could remember what it felt like to have Maddy’s pressed against his. 

Madison froze, which isn’t exactly what you’re supposed to do when you’re driving. She thought he had forgotten. He had never brought it up, so she really had no reason to believe he would have remembered. “You do?” she asked, swallowing.

She saw him nod out of the corner of her eye. “Mhm. I hadn’t thought about it in a couple weeks, but back in Idaho, in front of the World’s Largest Potato Crisp…” He let out an airy chuckle. 

Maddy breathed in sharply. So she hadn’t imagined that. Her fingers tapped nervously against the faux leather of the steering wheel. “Yeah…” She trailed off nervously. “I was drunk.”

“Oh, you were hammered,” Matthew agreed. “But do you regret it?”

There it was, the million-dollar question that she somehow actually had the answer to. A long moment passed before she answered, figuring it would be best to just rip the band-aid off. Worst case, Matty would hate her and she’d only be stuck in a car with him for ten-odd more hours. No big deal. “No,” she whispered, voice so small he almost didn’t hear it. 

“I’m glad, because I don’t either,” Matty said. Madison hazarded a glance to her side; he looked almost nervous, and nervous wasn’t a look Matthew Tkachuk did all that often. “I had wanted to for a few months, but it always seemed like it was never the right time, or something interrupted us, or I didn’t know how you felt about me. But you made the first move, and I’m glad you did.”

“How come?”

He sighed. “I don’t know how long I would have waited to do something, or if I ever would have done anything. I feel like sometimes…,” he searched for the right words, “the confidence that I have on the ice can be misleading. Hockey is about reflexes and instincts and knowing the game, but it’s also thinking three steps ahead, anticipating every possible outcome and preparing for them. And that’s the part that I carry off the ice. I think I was worried if I ever brought it up with you, if I ever mentioned that I so much as remembered the kiss, you might clam up and tell me it was a stupid, drunken mistake, and I don’t know what I’d do if you said that. Because I don’t know how you feel about me, not like that”

Her breath caught in her throat, but she managed to force the words out, as scared as she was about admitting them. “I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.” Matthew had never seen Madison like this before, unsure and worried and downright vulnerable, and it meant so much to him that she was letting him see her like that. 

Matthew let out a watery laugh. “Only pretty sure? Hurts my ego a little bit.” Maddy opened her mouth, but he waved her off. “Because I’m definitely sure I’m in love with you.” This wasn’t ever how she imagined telling him, and it wasn’t how Matty thought he’d tell her, on a freeway in Southern Utah on their way to the Grand Canyon, but sometimes life throws unexpected things at you and you have to roll with the punches. 

“When did you know?” Madison asked curiously. 

Matthew bit his lip. “Few months ago? I knew I liked you as more than a friend probably since you kissed me, but it was after that game against Vancouver that I really understood I had fallen in love with you.” Maddy remembered the game. It had gone terribly for the Flames, a 4-0 shutout with more than one fight and the bench racking up penalty minutes. What she didn’t know was what made that one special. Matthew looked over at her, answering her unspoken question. “Why that one?” She nodded. “I think it’s because it was such a shitty game. I wouldn’t have blamed you at all if you had just skipped out after the end of the third, I know I can be hard to deal with after a loss. But you didn’t leave, you stayed. I remember seeing you outside the tunnel, swallowed by my jersey because it’s three sizes too big for you and you refuse to let me buy you another—”

“I don’t want another because it’s yours, and I love it,” Maddy said quietly.

Matthew smiled. “Your call. But when I turned the corner and saw you, I realized three things at the exact same time. You were there for me when you didn’t have to be, and I wanted to be able to do the same thing for you. Second, you’re who I wanted to come home to. And last,” he gathered his thoughts, “I realized if I never saw another girl in my jersey for the rest of my life, that would be fine with me.”

“I think I knew when you introduced me to your family, when you flew me down for the All-Star break?” He nodded in recognition. “Just seeing you with them, how much you love your parents and adore Taryn. You even managed to not chirp Brady for a whole dinner.”

“My mom threatened me.”

Madison laughed. “Even so. It just gave me a whole new side to you. I had seen you with your friends, and with the boys, and with me, but it wasn’t the same. How deeply you cared about making sure I fit in with them, and had fun, and felt included. It was the last piece of the puzzle, really.” Her hand rested on the center console after she downshifted.

“So, are we going to do this? Do you want to do this, Mads?” Matty asked, wrapping his fingertips gently around her free hand. 

Flipping her hand around, she interlaced her fingers with his. “I’m all in if you are.”

Matthew bent down, kissing their hands. “I’ve been all in since the moment I met you.” He glanced behind him to the backseat, where Elias and Rasmus were still fast asleep. “What do you think they’re going to say when they wake up?” 

“I’m not sure,” Madison said, laughing. “Probably tell us it’s about time. Pass me my phone, will you?” Matthew pulled out her phone from where it was charging on the passenger side. 

“What do you need to look up?” he asked curiously as she pulled off of the freeway and into a gas station; the directions were already programmed into the car’s navigation system.

Maddy gave a coy smile, gently putting the car into park. “I’ve got to text the girl’s chat, tell them they’ve got to make me a jacket. They’re going to go wild.”

 Day 4

 The chat did go wild, even more so after she sent a picture of her kissing Matty’s cheek. After about a half-dozen “we called its” and a promise for her jacket to be ready by the first home game of the series, she turned her phone off, leaning over to ruffle Matthew’s hair; he had taken over driving sometime around four o’clock. “I like that I can just do this now,” she mused, playing with his curls as they crossed the border into Arizona. 

“Please, no PDA in front of the children,” he said playfully, gesturing to the backseat. Elias flipped him off. 

The entrance to the Grand Canyon was only an hour past the state line, and there were more than a few cafés to grab a quick breakfast at. Most of the day was spent walking around the vast expanse of the park, marvelling at its natural grandeur, and taking more than a few incredibly aesthetically pleasing Instagram pictures. A few minutes before they had to pack up and leave for the last leg of the drive, they had hiked over to the South Rim. 

Matty leaned on the barriers overlooking the canyon. “It’s so big.” 

Rasmus snickered from behind them. “Duh, Tkachuk. That’s why they call it grand.” 

He ducked his head, blushing. “Yeah, I mean, obviously. But it’s just kind of surreal, you know?” Madison nodded, leaning her head on his shoulder. He wrapped one arm around her waist, and if either of them had turned around they would have seen Rasmus and Elias sharing a very “I-told-you-so” look. “Kind of reminds us how small we are in the grand scheme of things.” 

It seemed like only a few minutes later that they were pulling into Las Vegas, Rasmus steering the car into the underground lot of the team hotel. None of the boys were expected at practice until the next morning, and they had decided before leaving that the easiest thing to do would just be to book the rooms for the one night. 

“Anyone feeling up to going out?” Maddy asked as they walked down the hallway to their adjoining rooms. “I found a tiki bar a couple blocks away, great Yelp reviews.”

“Sounds good,” Rasmus said. Elias nodded. 

“I’m in,” Matthew added, unlocking the door. “Meet out here in ten?”

The break allowed Madison to get a much-needed change of clothes while Matthew hopped in for a quick shower, emerging in a T-shirt and very, very nice-looking pair of black jeans. Maddy bit her lip, looking him up and down. “You like what you see?” Matthew asked, expression cocky. 

She shrugged. “I don’t have to hide it now.” Madison slipped her phone into her back pocket, grabbing her jacket from where it was slung over the lounge chair. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Matthew said, poking his head out the door. “Boys are already out.”

The walk to the bar couldn’t have been more than five minutes, but it felt like twenty in the best way possible. She was holding hands with Matty, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing over the top of her hand, the twinkling lights of dozens of Vegas casinos in their view. Two and a half mai tais and an hour later, the group sat at a table in the corner as Maddy giggled, retelling a particularly embarrassing moment on her high school volleyball team when she tried to make a dive that instead ended up with a ten minute pause in gameplay and the worst nosebleed of her life. She finished the story to raucous laughter, leaning into Matthew’s side. He bent down, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “What is it, Matty?” she asked, pulling away to look at him. 

Eyes soft, he tucked a piece of her hair back behind her ear before speaking. “Just thanking God I invited you on the trip. And for the Idaho Potato Museum.”

Madison laughed, the sound like music as it reached his ears. “We should write them. Thank them for helping to get us together. Maybe they’d give us season tickets.”

“Who needs season tickets when I have you?” Matty chuckled, leaning in and pressing his lips to hers.  Sure, Madison was a few drinks in when she kissed him. And sure, it wasn’t like Matty was exactly sober either. But this kiss was different. This kiss was the start of everything. 

[thebonggirll]

Chapter 39 - Selfish

Chapter 38

The one hundred students who passed the first phase of the exam were tasked with rescuing members of the who are trapped in the disaster zone. They are a group of professionals who have trained to act as citizens in need of rescuing. They dressed up as injured people and put themselves in situations for the students to rescue them.

Y/N expected it to be easy but it turned out to be a worse situation for her. Depending on how the citizens were injured, the heroes needed to help them. For her, it was a bit difficult to understand what situation the people were in certain places. Her quirk would literally be of no use in the situation. She did rescue some people correctly but since most of it was turning out to be disastrous, she decided to focus her attention to the zones where fire broke out. After that she mostly did her work of putting off the fire or soothing the burnt victims. So in a way, it worked out.

But their work doubled when Gang Orca and makeshift villains attacked them. There were still people who needed to be rescued. She knew what to do.

Y/N had a pretty good idea of how useless she was in the matter of rescuing survivors. So she decided to assist Todoroki and the other overly enthusiastic guy, Inasa, who seemed to have some kind of beef with him. While her focus was on using her quirk to attack the sidekick villains, Todoroki and Inasa were having their own little brawl in the middle of attacking Gang Orca.

"Are you shitting me right now?!" she shouted while attacking two villains simultaneously, "You guys didn't get a better fucking time to sort your shit out?!!"

They probably couldn't hear her, or chose to ignore her. She was already having a hard time herself in keeping the villains from going near the survivors of the disaster. So she decided to maintain her distance, and use her quirk as much as she was able to. Ofcourse, the sidekicks were having a hard time approaching her too when their cement guns were of literally no use in front of her quirk.

She didn't yet use any large-scale attack in case it affected the survivors, but looked like the villains were now starting to focus on her when she stood as an obstacle in their path. Their numbers started multiplying as they started surrounding her and taking steps forward. Ofcourse, she wouldn't be able to keep this up any longer if those dumb boys don't start concentrating on what they were supposed to do.

"Men and their stupid ego," Y/N muttered, clenching her teeth.

"86?" Y/N muttered looking at her report. Out of all the names displayed on the screen, she was surprised to see her name in it when she did terrible in the second exam. She was bad in rescuing the survivors and bad in keeping the villains away. At some point, when they started using their guns together on her, she wasn't able to get out of it. The guns shot out cements which hardened quickly. Even water is useless when it is used in huge amount.

"Your man failed huh?" Kyoka asked, amused.

Y/N glared at her for a moment before laughing out loud, "Yeah, he's crap at rescuing people."

"Why are you laughing, your points were deducted mainly on rescuing people."

"Hey! Atleast I did better than him. I mean, I talked nicely right?"

"Yeah sure because how you doing is the right question to ask a man stuck under a rock."

"I panicked?!"

As they were on their way back to their dorm, Y/N noticed Bakugou sitting quietly in the bus and looking out the window. Was she feeling pity for him? Nope.

Even the judges know how much of a good hero he is capable of becoming. He was soon going to retake the exam in April.

It was evening when they reached their dorm.

"How are you still awake?" Kirishima asked, "You were badly thrashed in both the exams."

"Well, I guess I'm too happy to sleep now," Y/N replied with a smile, clicking a photo of her new license and sending it to her parents and brother, "And...um..did you talk to him?"

"Oh he's pissed."

She looked worriedly at the blond. She knew he was going to be fine. But she sensed something different. It was different from the usual Bakugou. He's always angry, ofcourse, but this time his presence felt colder than before. And usually, it meant he's going to burst out soon and it's gonna be bad for someone.

After their dinner, while everyone was spending some time talking in the common area, she noticed how quiet Bakugou was. Kyoka made her sit beside him to make some progress but Y/N knew it wasn't the right time. But she wanted to know what he was thinking. "If anyone's gonna make it to the top, we all know it's you for sure," she said.

Bakugou got up and walked away from the sofa they were sitting in. He stopped by his tracks. Y/N decided to take it as a clue and followed him. From the looks of it, he was walking back to his room. She blushed for a moment before coming back to her senses again, when Bakugou slammed the door shut.

Oh Kirishima was right. He was pissed.

He said, "With the new quirk Deku got?"

Y/N's eyes widened at the words. She cleared her throat and said, "Yeah, cause you know how to handle your quirk."

"He's-" he stopped himself from saying further, as if someone would hear the little secret, "With the kind of quirk he got? And from the person I admired?"

"Quit feeling sorry for yourself," she said and looked at him with furrowed brows, "You can't be full of yourself while also feeling you've got the worst. You're being selfish."

"You knew about it, ofcourse you're gonna defend him. Like always," he muttered the next words in a very low tone, "Nothing has changed."

"I'm not defending him. I'm speaking facts. You think he had a great time with that deadly quirk? You've not seen him train half as much as I've seen. He admires All Might as much as you do and you already have a good quirk. You want every fucking thing, don't you?"

"I can be better with it!" he shouted.

"Keep your voice low. I don't want to get teased about being in your room. Some people know how I feel about you," she said a blush covering her face. She was too embarrassed to look at him.

"Do I look like I fucking care about that?"

Ouch.

"You know what?" She looked at him angrily, "Sort your shit out like Todoroki. Fucking talk to Midoriya instead of blaming me. And yes, I knew about it. Why would I tell you about it when I know him better than you? I didn't even know what we were, and you expect me to blurt out the secret out to you just like that? Just because I like you doesn't mean that I forgot all my morals."

The silence that followed was deafening. "Besides," she sighed, speaking out her thoughts, "I'm just another extra to you."

Y/N walked out of the dark room, leaving the door open behind her. She wasn't expecting to be chased. It's Bakugou we're talking about. He...just said that he didn't care. Yet she couldn't help but turn back to look when she heard his footsteps.

Oh.

Retracting footsteps. He was going back to the common area. He walked out his room, shutting the door like he always did, as if nothing happened.

Chapter 40

SEASON - III

Ignite

MASTERLIST

Tags:  @honeylemondragonemperor @mikithekiki @kkikiss @garnet-redtailedhero

[palbabor-writes]

Moniker

Hawks Week 2020 - Prompt: Rebirth

Character: Keigo Takami - Hawks

Warnings: Angst, some adult language, the drama of growing up

Word Count: 5433

“They need you to pick a name, Keigo. You’re old enough now and the data has shown that you’re learning how to control your quirk. The advancements we’ve seen in the last few months have been outstanding. The HPSC wants you to start making a name for yourself, publicly. We’re hoping, in six or so years, you’ll be operating on a professional level. 

So, look over those names and pick one. Once you do, you’ll no longer go by Keigo Takami. No, that name will be expunged from the records.”

Why? He’d wanted to ask. Why can’t he keep his name? Does it really matter? What were they going to do with him? Why was he even in this program? 

There were so many questions racing through his mind. But, he just nodded and looked out the window. What good did it do to ask? They weren’t going to tell him anything. This was all just another manipulation. They always tried, so, so hard to let him feel like he had a say in his name, in his life, in anything. 

In reality, he was just their little puppet, floating along on a tight string.

Notes: Part of Hawks Week 2020, Day 7 - Prompt: Rebirth.

This fic, like my Shigaraki exploration, Phantasma is part of a smaller series I’m calling Hopscotch. There’s a ton of kids in the BNHA universe that just need a freaking hug, man. But, all this trauma does give me some nice topics to write about...Not beta edited, so all mistakes are mine, and mine alone.

Moniker mon·i·ker /ˈmänəkər/ noun a name.

Keigo Takami is a ward of the Hero Public Safety Commission. 

He’s been a ward for most of his life. He’s used to the routine: the daily drills, the daily training, the daily lessons, the daily lectures, the daily monotony of it all. 

He’s never alone. 

There’s always a few of them hovering. They, being the agents who are assigned to his daily care and maintenance. They’re like black spots, bleeding out against the clean, crisp linoleum floors. He’s shuttled around like a chess piece. As if he needs a shadow to guide him. He knows this building inside and out. He knows just where to perch if he wants to avoid the cameras and he knows the secrets of at least five or six of his handlers. 

They blurt stuff out around him. People never think kids are listening. Too bad for them, cuz, he’s got enough dirt to take them straight to the top if he wanted to. Not that he wants to. Some of the handlers are nice, but Keigo has learned that sometimes nice is another way to say: manipulative.

So, he imagines that he can flex a little control over them, too. He’s got the information, he’s just not sure who to take it to. He’s never seen the head of the HPSC. They remain an enigma. The leader of this whole thing is the one piece he hasn’t slipped onto the puzzle. No, whoever they are, they’re mysterious. He only knows they exist because he’s seen their hen scratch of a signature on his progress reports and monthly, “how are you doing Keigo,” emails. 

Despite the mystery, the head of the HPSC is the one constant in his life. He can’t say the same of his handlers. Most of the people who surround him shift and change. They’re like a tide.

When he was younger, his father used to take him down to the beach. Keigo was always fascinated by the pull, the drag, of that dark blue water.

Yeah, these handlers of his moved in and out like a tide. Every month it was someone else. One or two might be familiar faces, but they never told him their names. Well, not their real names at least. No, no one ever revealed those. Keigo was accustomed to the secrecy of it all. It was kinda boring. 

But, most days were. 

It was just him and the various adults who were tasked with his lessons or training schedules. It was a never ending circle, a rotation of sameness that made his teeth ache. There were no other kids at the base. No, lucky him, he was the only one selected to receive this special training.

When he was smaller he’d been a little more excited. He’d wander behind the dark suits, clutching his Endeavor figure to his chest, his eyes scanning every room, every person, every crevice. 

You can never be too careful Kei, his father had told him, his golden eyes winking down at him. Always keep your eyes and ears open. 

“It’s a special program, Keigo. Starting today, you need to say goodbye to your name. You’re going to become a very special hero, okay?” 

It was a younger man who had talked with him that afternoon. He can remember looking down at his toy, the plastic heavy, sticking to his clenched arms. Keigo can recall his small voice asking the man two questions: “Can I be like him? Can I be a hero who beats the bad guys?”

At the time, they had felt so, well, important to him. They were all encompassing, vital queries that needed to know the answer to back then. He disliked them now. They were stupid questions. Besides, what self respecting adult takes the word of a six year old seriously? 

He’s eleven now. He’s way past those childish dreams. And, they still hadn’t taken his name from him. Oh, they hinted at it. He’d even caught sight of one of the lists. 

The lists were the long rows and rows of potential hero names for Keigo. Not that he was asked much about any of this. His opinion didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. He’d only managed to see one of the lists a few years ago. His handler hadn’t been expecting him back so fast. 

He wasn’t supposed to use his wings unless he was in the training facility. Little did they know, he’d been practicing. How could he not? He could feel each and every tiny thing with his feathers. It drove him insane. If he was drifting off to sleep he would feel the electricity humming through the walls. When he focused hard enough he could hear the distant conversations happening on the floors above him. 

It was an endless march of noise, emotion, and sensations. He felt like he was overstimulated all the time, his skin too heavy for his bones. He wanted to scream some days: get these off me, I can’t, I-I can’t take it. But, he had to learn how to grapple with his quirk. It was part of him. 

Still, sometimes he wished he was someone, anyone else. 

‘Turn it off’, they said, ‘dampen the urge to reach out with your feathers’. 

Yeah, right. Let them slip into his quirk, see how much they liked the all consuming sensation of it all. It was too much, too intense. Some days it’s a fight to make himself get out of his bed. Everything is just...too close, sometimes. 

He’s just a kid, he wanted to tell them. Like that would grant him a reprieve. No, he already knew what answer they would give him. The HPSC had selected you for a purpose, a reason, Keigo. 

They fed him such vague, well, bullshit. Yeah, he knows he shouldn’t say words like that, whatever. They shouldn’t be doing this, er, whatever it was that they were hoping to achieve with him. But, it’s not like the confirmed acknowledgement of their preposterousness would stop them. No, he’d learned to keep his mouth shut and his eyes open. It was the best way to survive the endless march of days and weeks. He would nod, practice, and then practice a little more in secret. 

It’s his quirk after all. If he could perfect it, maybe they would loosen his leash.  

His wings were still a little stunted. They could grow to longer points, but it took a lot of time and a lot of concentration. It was like his body knew exactly what he could, or could not, in this case, handle. More feathers meant more sensations. More sensations meant less sleep, less control, and, worst of all, less autonomy. There would be more tests, more training, more, more, more. 

Still, he worked at it. It was a double edged sword. He both hated, and loved, the improvements he saw within himself. 

Despite his impeded wing growth, Keigo could flap himself along now. He could even hover in the air for a little while, but his back would protest the strain after forty minutes or so. It hurt to hold himself up. His shoulders just weren't broad enough to maintain his weight. He’d been hoping that eating a little more would help. You know, beef him up a little. 

He’d brought the subject up with one of his handlers, one of the ones he actually knew. The man had nodded, his curly blonde hair bobbing around his ears. And, with that, his food rations were extended. He was also given some other choices too. Some steak, veal, higher protein foods. He’d stubbornly stuck with chicken. He liked the taste. Never one to pass up an opportunity, Keigo took advantage of the larger portions and he gorged himself on the succulent meat. 

Four weeks later, he hadn’t grown much. Maybe what, half a pound? Nah, most of that energy must have been consumed by his quirk. But, the more he ate, the easier it was to focus on it. Meh, still a win, win. At least from the HPSC’s viewpoint. 

He mentioned that there are never any kids around the HPSC training facility, right? 

Adults? You couldn’t swing a dead cat and not hit at least 4 or 5 of them, at any given moment. Keigo didn’t mind. He was used to adults. By nature he was quiet, observant. It was his habit to position himself in the corners of rooms. It let him see anyone and everyone who entered or left. He likes watching. But, he’s done that his whole life. Even before the HPSC picked him up he’d learned how to hone that skill. 

Now, the trainers and handlers were trying to break him of that tic. 

‘You need to curb that Keigo’, they’d say. ‘If you’re going to become a successful hero you can’t just sit in the shadows. We already have plenty of agents who are trained for that. No, you need to be more gregarious. Speak up, talk with people. You’ve been drilled in this skill, now show us what you’ve learned. We want you to be a hero’.

So, he myna birds what they ask. They’ll leave him alone that way. Sure, sure, he’s rewarded with gifts, with praise, with extra free time. But, it’s all so calculated. He can smell their intentions a mile away. He’s seen the books some of them read. They were books with titles like: The Psychology of the Child, The Developing Mind, Playing and Reality. 

If that wasn’t obvious enough, he’d heard some of the conversations they passed as they handed off their shifts, the words lilting back and forth, like secret notes. 

“Ignore his minor tactics. It’s just him responding to the attention. Only praise him when he’s behaving.” Or, “Give Keigo labeled praise. You know, build his self esteem. He’s so quiet, it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking. Pack a snack for him. That way when he opens up to you, boom! Treat in hand.”

Do they not realize how much he can hear? God, adults are dumb. Smile and give them what they want, or, say what they most need to hear and they’re eating out of your hand. Meanwhile, as they’re congratulating themselves on a job well done, they had no idea what thoughts were racing behind his golden irises. 

No, Keigo is motivated by other things. One motivation trumps all the others: he wants to get outta this place. Just for a day, heck, he’d take an hour. Keigo is tired of the same walkway, the same lunch hall, the same dreary views of the city. 

It’s springtime in Japan and Keigo can make his feathers molt. It’s a newer skill, one he’s withholding from his handlers for the time being. Maybe if he feigns a cough, he can pretend to be sick? He’s gotten pretty good at acting now. That was another one of his classes. It was like a, how to deceive someone 101. Actually, it was prolly called something like ‘Espionage for Tots’. 

It was fun. He liked the smiles and serious faces he was asked to make. They should have slapped a big: “please, Keigo, don’t use these skills to deceive us” disclaimer on the door. He liked the guy that taught it, too. He was a short, unassuming man, but he would genuinely grin at Keigo each time he walked through the door for his session. Oh, wait. Was that just an act? He’d have to ask him. Boy, he’s good if it was. He needs to shore up his own skills…

He could always pretend that an imaginary sick day was part of the lesson. Look! My poor feathers, they’re molting, how sad. Also, cough, cough, I feel ill. No, ill is a bad choice of words. Ahem, I mean, I don’t feel so good. Can I lay down? Maybe prop open my window, for the fresh air. Oh no! I accidentally swooped out. Cough, cough.  

Keigo isn’t even sure what he’d do with himself if he could manage to sneak out. It’s not like he’s not noticeable. He’s sporting at least 7 feet of ruby red plumage now. Well, if he’s gonna plan an escape, he might as well do it-

“Keigo,” it’s a sharp voice, and it startles him out of his musings. It belongs to one of the head handlers. Kaori? Yeah, that’s her name. Eh, the one she’d given him at least. She’s nice enough, a little rough around the edges at times, but she’s fair. Maybe, oh, maybe he can ask her about-

“Are you listening, Keigo? We need to go. The provost was expecting us over an hour ago. Where have you been? Mai couldn’t find you so she asked me to look for you.”

“I was up there.” Keigo points, his chin lifting to follow his movement, wings fluttering against his back. Despite her tone, Kaori doesn’t seem too upset. Her heartbeat is normal. But, that didn’t mean much around here.

“Up there?” Kaori’s tone is faint and a little awed. She turns her violet gaze to his, pursing her lips into a thin line. “Since when?”

“It’s been, ah, three months and sixteen days since I first made it to that perch. They didn’t like that I went so far. Eiichi said he was going to document it though. I mean, it ain’t too far. Guess I can go for a lower spot next time. I just like that I can see more up there, it makes it-”

“No, no. It’s fine Keigo. Don’t say “ain’t,” it’s slang. I suppose it has been awhile since I’ve seen you. How old are you now? Ten?”

“Eleven,” Keigo replies, his back straightening, wings arching beside his head.

“Mmm, eleven. Gosh, you’re growing up fast,” Kaori’s reply is sharp, practiced. Keigo rolls his eyes. She wanted to spark a reaction out of him. See if he’ll puff up with joy or grow sullen with her mistake of thinking he’s younger than he is. It’s easier to assign him extra training than really deal with him. At least, that’s what some of his handlers seemed to think. 

“Have you seen the news?” Kaori asks, violet eyes resting on his amber ones. “There’s a mission coming up. Endeavor’s agency is taking it on.”

Keigo feels his wings lifting again, but he quickly suppresses the motion, his shoulders hunching forward. He never, ever, wanted to seem too eager. Not when they’d primed him for such an obvious tell. It’s not like they didn’t know what heroes he admired. 

Yeah, Keigo had seen the news. He was permitted two hours of television each day. Most blocks were taken up with watching the latest developments. Sometimes he would shift the channel to a cartoon, but the television time would be lessened if he watched nonsense for too long. No, the tv was for educational purposes only, not for leisure or fun. He’d heard that line enough to have it memorized. 

“What about it?” Keigo asks, falling into step with Kaori. She’s taking the long way back to his next lesson. Clearly, she’s wanting to glean something from him. 

“Well, I was thinking it might be beneficial for you to observe the mission.”

“What, like on CCTV or something?”

“No. In person. We would need to fit into the crowd, but this mission has been widely publicized, it’s a miracle the villain’s haven’t heard about it.”

“That, or they want the fight.”

Kaori laughs. “Very good, excellent observation. You’ve improved Keigo. Consider this a set date. I will personally escort you to the mission viewing point. At the end of the exercise, I would like to hear your opinion on the matter.”

Keigo bites his tongue. 

It’s too slick again, too obvious. The mission Kaori mentioned fits the profile of a raid, not the everyday, run of the mill, villain sting. Endeavor’s agency had been squaring up with the lower level fighting rings for months now. This was just another day for him. The number two hero promised to clean up crime and he was following through with that assertion. 

So, why take him to see it now? Why did it matter if Keigo saw it in person? The data and video would be uploaded the next day to the HPSC database, he could just watch it and take notes then. 

Why is she doing this?

Keigo chances a glance at her face. She’s pale, stern and stoic above him. Her heels click on the tiles and her back is ramrod straight. A few feathers bristle, feeling, listening, nah, her pulse is steady too. It’s hopeless. Maybe this is the challenge? Something to test him, to try and see if he can get a read on the unreadable?

“What’s the point of me going? What good does it do? My data sheets haven’t slipped enough to call for anything like this.”

“Don’t be so critical of everything Keigo,” Kaori scolds him, her purple eyes lingering on his spreading plumage. “It’s not a test, it’s not a drill. I just...I can remember what it was like to be a teenager and be trapped doing something I didn’t want to do.”

Again, Keigo is silent after her declaration. He’s not really sure how to answer. Pragmatic, logical, even angry responses, he’s used to those. This? What is this? Some kinda misplaced empathy? He never would have placed an empathetic bone in Kaori’s body before today. 

They pause at the provost’s doorway and Kaori places an arm on his shoulder, demanding his attention with her strong grip. 

“Let me know by tomorrow.” 

And, with that, she’s gone, pacing down the long hallway, her heels tapping a sharp tattoo against the flooring. Keigo narrows his eyes, avian pupils dilating, focusing. Sure, maybe it was just an opportunity, a chance for him to get out of the headquarters for a while, but there’s always a catch. 

******

The email comes a few hours later. 

Keigo is sprawled across his bed, his wings tucked safely along his shoulders as he flips through his textbook. He lifts his head from his pillow and sighs heavily at the familiar chime from his computer. It’s either more geometry problems or it’ll have something to do with what Kaori was discussing: The Endeavor mission.

His wings shift and rustle as he stands. He’s agitated, on edge. He dislikes being maneuvered into a corner. No matter what the email is over, he’ll feel obligated to say yes. Even if it’s by default. 

Keigo steps up to his computer, his long fingers racing over the keypad, typing in his encrypted password. As he waits for the screen to load, his eyes fall to the battered figurine beside his monitor. 

It’s the Endeavor toy. He’s kept it all these years, safe and sound, in each bedroom he’s moved to. The flames are dull and his bright blue uniform is more mottled than cobalt, but it’s still a tiny piece of his other life. 

His father had given it to him. It was years ago. He hadn’t thought he was going to get anything for his birthday, but then, his father had flown in, his own plumage glimmering against the dying sunlight and presented four year old Keigo with the toy. He had clutched it to him, his eyes shining and bright. 

“Dad! Ah, how did you know?” 

His father had beamed at him, his eyes softening at the sight of his son’s genuine smile. Keigo didn’t smile a lot back then. Their life was too tumultuous, too chaotic. There was too much at stake. His father had gathered him up and pressed the button that activated the toy’s internal voice box. Keigo had squealed with delight and wrapped his arms around his father’s neck. 

Now, Keigo traces a single finger along the top of the Endeavor’s head, running along the dimmed flames. He’s seen a decent amount of coverage on the number two hero lately. He’d even gone as far as studying his moves. Not that it mattered. His quirk would never be a match for the flame heroes skills. But, he had to admire the guy. 

He was constantly overshadowed, outranked and outclassed by All Might. Still, Endeavor pushed forward. He’s the only one who really tried to overtake the number one hero. It was both impressive and, well, kinda pathetic, desperate even. All the same, Keigo kept hunting for news of the number two. Once you have a favorite, Keigo reasoned, you tend to stick with them. 

Tearing his eyes away from the little figurine, Keigo clicks on the new email. He blinks a few times, even rubs his eyes. No, no way. He spreads his fingers along the computer’s trackpad, enhancing the words. Yeah, no, it’s really there. 

It’s the list. 

Remember? The one with all the HPSC’s approved names for him? 

It’s, well, it’s even more anticlimactic than he was expecting. Damn, it’s over three pages of the most asinine, inane bullshit. Two bad words, oh no, and in one sentence. In his defense, this crap deserved a whole string of curse words.  

There are names like: REDWING, Darkbird, Vulture, WINGMAN, Canary, Condor, RED Condor, Northwind, Zauriel, Red jay, WING. God, it’s just page after page of trash. Whomever they paid to create this, well, they needed a new day job. Might as well just call him: BIRDBOY or something. Sighing, Keigo clicks out of the email, his plumage lifting and lowering, feathers rustling again, perturbed. Yeah, he’s got wings. So what? That’s not all he is.  

Keigo is about to pace back to his bed when another email chimes in. Groaning, he doesn’t even look at the sender before opening it. Oh.

It’s from Kaori and the head of the HPSC. They were wanting to confirm the viewing of the Endeavor mission. Both felt that it was a good use of Keigo’s time and the HPSC’s resources. They just need his answer.

Funny, Keigo thinks, tapping a quick reply, they always like to pretend that he has a say in things. 

******

He’s never been a tall kid. He’s not sure if it’s his quirk or something genealogical. Quirk makes the most sense. It’s hard enough to lug his own tiny body around, he can’t even imagine trying to pull someone like Endeavor into the air. 

Keigo’s seen the number two plenty of times. God, hundreds and hundreds of times, really. But, he’s not prepared for the hulk of a man that is standing before him. Enji Todoroki, that’s his real name. Most heroes don’t hide their civilian names. No, they’re all listed in the databases of the HPSC and open for public scrutiny. Keigo shifts on the balls of his feet, his toes tapping against the pavement. Apparently, that’s not going to be an option for him.

Kaori had sat, prim and proper, next to him in the long black car as they drove to the mission site. Her violet eyes were dull flints of purple as she relayed the news: 

“They need you to pick a name, Keigo. You’re old enough now and the data has shown that you’re learning how to control your quirk. The advancements we’ve seen in the last few months have been outstanding. The HPSC wants you to start making a name for yourself, publicly. We’re hoping, in six or so years, you’ll be operating on a professional level. 

So, look over those names and pick one. Once you do, you’ll no longer go by Keigo Takami. No, that name will be expunged from the records.”

Why? He’d wanted to ask. Why can’t he keep his name? Does it really matter? What were they going to do with him? Why was he even in this program? There were so many questions racing through his mind. But, he just nodded and looked out the window. 

What good did it do to ask? They weren’t going to tell him anything. This was all just another manipulation. They always tried, so, so hard to let him feel like he had a say in his name, in his life, in anything. In reality, he was just their little puppet, floating along on a tight string. 

Keigo looked over the police tape to Endeavor again. Even the number two hero got to keep his name. What makes Keigo so different?

“They’ll be rushing the entrance soon,” Kaori says, her arms crossed, her pressed suit dark against the bright sunlight. “You might be able to see it a little better if you move to the other end of the street.” 

Keigo looks up at her, his eyes impassive. Kaori, sensing his gaze, blinks down at him. “Don’t go far. Consider this a small reward for good behavior. I know what I told you in the car can’t have been easy to hear. Don’t make me regret giving you a little more freedom.” 

For a long moment, Keigo is still. 

He wants to dash off. He’s never done that. It would be nice to place a little distance between him and his handler. Plus, he’s outside. It’s a beautiful day, just puffy clouds and the fresh, clean smell of springtime. Well, and the hustle and bustle of the raid that is unfolding across the street. He looks up at Kaori and her violet eyes lift away from him. She shakes her head and a small smile creeps across her lips. 

“Go on, you better hurry. Endeavor’s about to enter the building.”

It’s all the prodding he needs. Like a shot, Keigo is dashing through the crowd. A few people clamor around him, their voices distant, complaints and admonishments ringing over his golden head. He rounds the street corner and his wings lift, testing the air, trying to tug him into the skies. 

Amber eyes flash as he looks for the perfect spot. Ah-ha! There’s a low, tiled roof across the street. If he can get up to the second story he should be able to see into the back of the compound Endeavor is conducting the raid on.

His back aches, muscles tired and straining, but he ignores the sting. His wings lap against the warm air and, just like that, he’s landing on the roof, his sneakers bright against the dark tile. Keigo turns back to the compound. Yes! Perfect! He can see everything. His wings settle along his shoulders, still lifted as he crouches down, the plumage vibrating, listening.

Keigo can hear some of the transmission between the heroes. Their radios are switched up and the static sound makes his nose wrinkle. It feels fuzzy, almost like he’s stepped on a live wire. Apparently, Endeavor is about to move into the exposed courtyard and Keigo sits up straighter, his wings spreading, cupping under the low wind. He’s so focused on catching sight of the number two that he doesn’t hear the warning cry.

No, he only notices the danger when it’s too late.

His feathers bristle, arching, quivering, reacting as a set of talons rips into his delicate plumage. His wings throb. It stings and he feels the anger, the rage that is coursing through the culprit that’s attacking him. Their screams make his ears ache and he rolls away, his hands instinctively covering his head, protecting himself from the sudden onslaught. His golden eyes are narrowed and searching. What the hell-

The pieces fit into place when he sees her. 

It’s a hawk. She’s already taken to the skies, her dark wings wheeling her back to the roof. She lifts upward, the strong winds carrying her high, against the clouds. Then, she’s diving, her feathers bracing along her sides, propelling her at a terrifying speed. 

She’s headed straight for him. 

Keigo, unthinkingly, rolls out of the way, his own wings flaring open and flapping him a good ten feet or so, hopefully placing him out of range. The hawk pulls up, another scream echoing across the sky. She wheels around, her sharp beak and eyes trained on him. Keigo’s foot slips against the uneven surface of the roof and he bites his lip, his ankle twisting painfully. 

“Hey! Keigo! Oh, there you are. Come on! The raid is wrapping up, we need to get back.”

Kaori’s voice shudders up his spine, his oversensitive wings making her sound like a foghorn. Wait. The raid is over? He whirls back to the compound, his eyes scanning, flashing in his agitation. 

No. No, no, no. 

She’s right. Endeavor and his sidekicks are already back at the front of the building, he can’t even see them clearly from here. He’s missed his chance. Damn it. 

It’s not fair, he thinks, a misting of tears clouding his sight. He’d been so close. And now? Now, he’s gotta go back to that stupid building. Now, they’re going to take away his name and force him to do even more training. Who knows when he’ll get out again. It’s just, it’s not freaking fair.

Keigo wipes his arm against his eyes, pulling the moisture across his sleeve. He can’t let Kaori see him cry. He hasn’t cried in years. He’s not going to give them the satisfaction of knowing that he still...wait...what’s that?

Across the rooftop, close to where his original perch was, is a nest. It looks clumsy, like it might fall off into open space at any moment. It’s held together with a spattering of twigs and sticks, but there’s movement. Keigo lowers his arm, his wings lifting again, feeling. There’s one...no...there’s two chicks inside. They feel soft. Their heartbeats are fluttering, like a butterfly’s wing.  

He looks down at Kaori. She’s standing on the street corner, shielding her eyes from the sun as she peers up at him. Keigo lifts his hand so she can see, one finger raised, silently asking her for a little more time. Kaori groans, he can hear her exhale from here, and nods, lowering her gaze, one hand propped on her jutted hip.

“Be quick about it, Keigo.” 

He lets his wings bevel over his shoulders and he hops, carefully, slowly, across the tiles. As he gets closer, two pairs of yellow eyes peer at him, half hidden in the tangle of twigs. He grins and leans up, wanting to look a little…

The hawk, quick as lightning clatters in front of the nest, shielding her chicks from his curious observation. Her wings flare at his proximity, her beak open, sharp. She clicks a warning, her feathers spreading. Keigo mimics her display, his own wings fanning out and the hawk tilts her head, surprised. Her eyes blink, the dark orange shifting from agitated to quizzical. Slowly, her wings lower, draping along her back. Talons shift against the tiles and she chirps at him. It’s a different sound, less challenging. It's almost like a question.

Keigo lifts one of his hands, his fingers balled into a fist and gingerly extends his arm, his shoes sliding closer. She lifts her wings and glides a little nearer, her head still tilted in that exaggerated way. She chirps at him again and lowers her head. If he reaches out a little further he could stroke a finger down her feathers. Just a bit…

“Keigo!” 

The sound of his name startles him and the hawk. She yanks from his touch and launches herself back into the skies. Keigo watches her, fascinated by the ease, the grace that she moves with. As he’s admiring her fluidity, a single feather flutters to his feet. He almost misses it. The wind starts to catch it, pulling it away, but he snatches it up, his fingers careful to not crush the barbs. 

“Keigo, I’m not going to ask again...”

He uses his wings to help him down the side of the building. The verdant plumage is swelling, arching behind him. It feels different. Keigo lowers them against his back, mirroring the way the hawk had draped them, the feathers close to his skin. It helps. They don’t feel like something that he’s untethered from when he holds them like that. He’s still basking in his discovery when Kaori steps toward him, one brow arched.

“You know better than that, Keigo. Didn’t I ask you to not make me regret giving you a little more freedom? Come on, we’re overdue. What’s that in your hand?”

“Nothing,” Keigo replies, tucking the hawk’s feather into his jean pocket. She was so pretty, fierce and quick.

“You put any thought into any of the names on the lists? We were thinking your hero name should be-”

“Hawks,” Keigo replies, his wings stretching behind him, shimmering in the bright sunlight. “I wanna be called Hawks.”

Notes: bb Keigo is too cute, I couldn’t resist.

Tags: @hawksweek2020​, @spicy-skull, 

[echo-three-one]

A Forgotten Memory

An Alex x OC fic

Apparently, this is the eighth chapter!

Link to the first one here (for the new readers if there are any)

This one's the longest so far!

Reviews and Comments appreciated. It fuels me to keep on writing. Enjoy!

VIII - Samantha

Samantha felt that she lived for a year inside her dream realm. She was aware that this was all a dream because it wasn't possible that Connor was alive, but then again it pains to see how she's fooling herself with fake memories.

Certain moments while she's walking along the beachside with Connor, he would immediately dissappear, and would never come back until a few more days in her dream. She wondered what time it was outside but all she knew was she kept living the same tragic day again and again and again. She found a loophole though, she prevented him from taking that yacht but would find himself a different situation where he ends up dead. It felt like she was meant to feel extreme sadness from loss.

This wasn't what her captors wanted from her. They wanted 'something she accidentally saw on her father's drawer'. Then it dawned on her, those were numbers and dots separating them, almost like an IP Address. Just as she tried recalling it, thanks to the drug flowing in her bloodstream, the numbers began to slowly melt as a faint smell of cheese wafted around her. With one soft gasp, she found herself awake.

Thick oak trees covered the windows as she turns around the room. She's in a log cabin, but fancier. She slowly ripped her dextrose as she quietly made her way down to the living room. She knows where she is, TV taught her that only the evil people could afford expensive things. Grabbing a medicine tray beside her bed, she slowly descended the stairs, readying herself as she attempted to beat her abductor with an aluminum tray.

Following the scent of melted cheese, she tiptoed across the living room to the kitchen, a man was standing behind the sink. Athletic build and arms sprawled with tattooes. He pretty much looked like Alex, but this one reeks evil.

The loud clang of aluminum rang as she hit her abductor square on the head, knocking him down temporarily dazed. Her eyes slowly opened to reveal Alex, who's rubbing his head and wincing in pain.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Alex. I thought I was still held captive!" She quickly assisted him up and grabbed a bottle of cold water for his head.

Alex was too hurt and surprised to talk but as soon as their eyes met, it almost felt like he wasn't hit by a medicine tray just now.

"You're awake!" was all he said as he hugged her tight. Then he realized, he wasn't supposed to do that. Samantha just sat beside him by the kitchen floor, confused. He immediately let go of his arms and pretended to be still dazed. He was just too overwhelmed to see her okay.

"Is your head okay?" She asked, with an expressionless face. Alex nodded.

"Nothing major. I just need ice maybe."

"Got it." Samantha quickly stood up and opened the fridge. Her warm cheeks couldn't feel the cold breeze. She was blushing hard and staring blankly at the contents of the fridge.

"I think we don't have ice. A cold water bottle would be fine." Alex commented as Samantha snapped back to reality. She remembered she had an injured person to tend to. Quickly grabbing the bottle, she plopped herself beside Alex who groggily found his way to the sofa.

The bump was slightly obvious and Samantha can't help but laugh at him. It was a funny mistake but what matters is that she finally saw him again.

"Where are we?" she asked, tilting her head and looking at Alex trying not to laugh.

"CIA Safehouse 110197" Alex mouthed.

"Which is... where?"

"Classified. Even I don't know where we are." he lied.

"And where are the others?"

"It's actually just you and me." he replied, looking down, his eyes rolled trying to see her reaction. Samantha rolled her eyes somewhere else evading to meet his gaze.

"Great. Guess I have to tend to my mistakes." She quickly got up and went up to the bedroom. Alex simply sat there waiting for her to come back.

"This house is complete. There's actually a medicine box by the bathroom sink!" She exclaimed in excitement as she set her kit and prepared the gauze.

"You'd be surprised on what you can find by the sofas." Alex chuckled and immediately winced in pain as Samantha placed a plaster by his bump.

"You could've said something!" he complained, Samantha just laughed.

"I always wanted to be a doctor..." she said.

"Why didn't you?" Alex shifted his seat and placed the water bottle by the table.

"I can't be a professional doctor while on a fake identity, Alex. You probably knew by now that I'm uh.. redacted? You did scan me when the CIA was here right?" She smirked, making Alex amused and clueless was a beautiful view. If only she had her camera, she'd take a photo of it and pin it by the fridge back at home.

"Yeah. That's right." was all he could say.

Samantha placed her hand by the back rest of the sofa and raised her leg comfortably to the sofa. She was still wearing Alex's clothes from the other night and all Alex could think of is why?

"I'm Samantha Coleman."

"Coleman as in..."

"Yes. The daughter of the Head of National Defense, Richard Coleman."

Alex froze in amazement and the puzzle pieces finally make sense. What's missing now is why they're after her and what's with the memory serum.

"So um... any idea on what they want?" Alex asked, his eyes felt intense and curious. Something Samantha can't help but stare at.

"I guess it's a childhood memory... Of my father's office. They're looking for an IP address... Does it ring any bells?" Samantha explained, her hands fiddled on the sofa's fabric, squeezing it and rubbing her thumbs against it.

"No. But I could relay it to those assigned to the case. It could help a lot." Alex's hands slowly trailed to hers, squeezing it a little bit.

"Thanks for cooperating, Samantha. What you just did may save the lives of those missing." A soft smile escaped his lips. Samantha froze in shock. Maybe it's the sincerity of his face, maybe it's the feel of his hand on hers, maybe it's her heart racing so fast. She wasn't sure why she found herself unable to move or speak.

Awkward silence filled the room, neither one of them moved an inch. The crickets outside sounded louder as the silence grew between them. Then burnt toast filled the air.

They both snapped out of whatever trance they were making, eyes quickly diverted away as Alex removed his hand above hers.

"Oh Crap! The toast!" The CIA agent hurriedly rushed by the kitchen and turned off the oven toaster, showing a very burnt piece of bread.

"You're not supposed to put it on an oven, Alex" Samantha giggled as she assisted him. They quickly became cook and assistant as Alex started to learn something from the expert, whereas Samantha proudly taught him how to make basic breakfast specialties.

"How come you didn't know how to cook?" Samantha asked, pouring oil to the pan.

"We don't usually prepare meals." Alex replied rapidly whisking the eggs, Samantha looked worried that he might break the bowl.

"So what do you eat?"

"Energy bars, ready to eat meals, beef jerky, chicken. You know, the simple stuff but filled with essential nutrients." Alex proudly replied.

"Boooring! You know you should try some of life's greatest meals sometime."

"Someday."

***

Samantha became very comfortable around Alex. Despite her judging him at first glance, she actually enjoyed his company. Over the course of the day, they found themselves mostly talking about every possible thing, leaving an impression that he's really good with people.

It felt warm and fuzzy that the idea of them being alone in one roof felt appropriate. She almost wished they'd end up like this forever, but that meant the criminals are still out there. She wanted to be selfish just for once as she literally gave up her life just to blend in. Would it kill for her to have a good time?

Nighttime came and they settled for barbeque, something Alex claimed he's good at. Samantha watched him from a safe distance as he showed off his cooking skills at her.

He was wearing a "Kiss the Chef" apron over his black tank top and camo pants, a sight admirable for her. She found herself a cozy silk spaghetti strap nightgown from CIA's supply box. She just looked at him from the moment he unboxed a dusty grill box until he assembled it fully, asking him questions about his work to which he answers with certain confidentality.

"You hungry?" He asked teasingly as he placed the meat on the grill letting it sizzle as it puffed smoke toward him.

She wanted to say she's hungry, but not for food. But it felt inappropriate, she knew he's with her because it's his job to, but she couldn't help but feel needed. Especially that she spent the last eighteen hours of her life mourning about sad memories.

"So, silence means yes?" Alex tilted his head to meet her gaze. It's that stare once again.

"Uh yeah. Impress me Mr. Chef!" She cheered as they continue talking while they prepare dinner.

As the meat started to become tender, so did their conversation. They slowly diverted the topic to something private.

"Have you been into any relationships before?" Samantha finally asked the question she's dying to ask him. Alex's movements became cautious and his eyes slowly looked at her. He could tell that she's really curious and excited about the question as shown by her widening pupils.

"Yeah. Here and there. They don't last long as I always had to move when reassigned." He replied eating a mouthful of steak.

"So where would you be after all this is over."

"Wherever they'll send me."

"Are you happy with it? Being sent here and there?"

"As long as I could save the world." He smiled. A smile so genuine, Samantha slightly felt goosebumps.

"Cool." She replied, wiping her face with a napkin.

"Thanks for the meal, Mr. Chef. I'll go take a shower and sleep." She stood up, her voice almost felt sad.

"Samantha, wait! Did I say something wrong?" Alex quickly grabbed her hand before she could walk away.

"No. You said everything that I need to know."

Tears start falling out of her eyes, Alex noticed this and wiped it off with his thumbs lifting her chin up to meet his face. She couldn't stare at him, not with those sad eyes.

"Look, I know what you feel, because I feel it too, from the moment our eyes met..." Samantha looked at him.

"...But I can't risk it enough because I know I'll hurt you... I can't show affection to you because after all of this is over I have to leave." Alex stared at her, his words stung more than that needle from yesterday.

"But, you already made an impact in my life. It doesn't matter if we go too far..."

"I can handle the hurt... but you've already lost a lot. I can't let myself be the reason for it." Alex closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers.

She knew this would happen. Hence the questioning earlier, she wanted to make sure she's right about her suspicions. She was right to resist his charms the moment they met, but then again she took the risk and fell for him. A choice she willingly took.

"I've mourned the loss of my boyfriend for three years. What's a few more for you?" she breathed, almost cracking as she held back a sob. Alex nervously stared at her. She was willing to take the risk of getting hurt, all for s short moment with him.

Alex did the math. If she's true to her words it's a win-win. No more pretending, they'd both be happy and they both accept the impending end as soon as this was all over. What's holding him back is the end of both their promises, but it didn't matter when he let his heart decide for once.

He licked his lips as he slowly kissed her. It was awkward at first but as soon as they both felt comfortable, it felt relieving. Each moan signified the supressed feelings they had toward each other since day one. Each clash of tongue meant hope after years of mourning. It was a kiss that lasted longer than they could remember.

[sugar-kisser]

Hot Coffee « Choi San (RW)

original warnings: none word count: 3359

You look up from the ground in front of you and smile as you notice the little black corner shop quickly coming into your view with every step you take. Your hand grabs the metal door handle, the palm of you hand instantly freezing due to the lowering temperatures of the fast approaching winter. You’re just waiting for the snow fall to come, so you can enjoy the pretty white scene of what the city becomes, especially overnight.

A small little bell chimes as you open the door and enter, causing a pool of black hair with a strong silver streak to pop up, stoping his spot in the book he’s so engrossed in. The barista brightly smiles at you, his dimples caving deep into his cheeks.

“Y/N! You’re here much earlier than usual,” he slightly giggles as he calls for you barely containing his excitement. Some times you wonder what goes on in his head or if he’s mentally five.

“My last class got canceled last minute today, again,” you lie. Well you’re not entirely lying. Your class did actually get canceled today last minute, but you’ve ditched this class two other times now and you’ve told San that the class has been canceled. Truth be told you’re trying to avoid a couple of girls who have been harassing you for the past two months, and you just need a break.

“Do you want your usual?” San asks, already grabbing one of the large black cups. You nod you head and mumble a please. San smiles your way before moving towards the coffee station and begins to make your favorite drink. It’s not even a drink you can order on the menu, but because you come here so often San would make you new drinks all the time till you decided a favorite. You discovered this place in the beginning of the school year. San worked most days since he’s enrolled in mostly online classes. You like to come to the small coffee shop to work mostly on your graphic design assignments. You tend to find inspiration in little places that you are most comfortable in. The shop has only a handful of tables, but your favorite seat is on the bar attached to San’s entire work space. Most of the walls are windowed from top to bottom with black framing. San had recently even been hanging up plants around the shop to give it another spark of life. The shop isn’t much but it’s comfortable to you, and you can freely work in the environment.

San gently slides the drink across the countertop towards you, a small little trail of steam coming from the hole in the lid. You go to reach for your wallet in your bag, but San stops you.

“You know you don’t have to pay for you drinks,” San tells you.

“San,” you whine, “that’s not fair to everyone else. You need to stop giving me drinks for free.”

“Not everyone is like you,” San winks before walking off to go wipe down the equipment he just used. You feel a little bit of heat rise to your cheeks, and you take your drink and move to the bar on the side of San’s work station. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have a crush on San. He’s one of the sweetest people you’ve ever met. You both were a little quiet at first but you two quickly grew comfortable with each other due to you coming everyday to the coffee shop. Your conversations grew from just “hey how are you?” to “if you’re going to put that much cinnamon power into my drink I might as well snort it.” And to add a cherry on top, you’ve developed a small, little, tiny winy….. okay maybe it’s not small- BUT you have a crush on the cute, flirty barista who is also one of your friends. For all you know you could be friend zoned, so there is a little dilemma. You don’t really plan on telling San about your feelings, you’d rather deal with them until they go away than risk what you have now- because what you have now is really nice. 

You set your drink on the counter and pull yourself into one of the high standing chairs. You then pull out your tablet and pull up your newest project you’ve been working on for a past couple days.

“What are you working on now?” San walks over to his side of the station connected to the bar where you are sitting at and rests his arms on top of the coffee machines.

“We have to create logo’s,” you tell him, “they can be for real companies or just made up.” You turn your tablet to show San the three different logo designs you’ve started. Each different logo representing a different company. One of them happens to be a design for the coffee shop you’re at- the other two are for made up companies.

“Is that one for here?” San asks, lighting up even more pointing to a small floral design, “look how detailed it is. All the flowers. They’re so pretty. Especially the big one in the middle.” You look over at your design and your eyes land on the giant water lily. “Are you about to color it all in?” 

“I will when I’m finished with the other two designs. Why do you have suggestions?” You asks looking back at San with a smile and a small laugh at his deep interest in your assignment.

“No, no, no,” San laughs as he stands back up straight, “just curious. I think it’s going to be pretty no matter what you do with it.” You feel the blush quickly return to your cheeks but quickly push away the butterflies.

“I hope it turns out good. Maybe you’ll be able to use it for the shop,” You tell San as you pick up your stylus and begin working on one of the other designs.

“You know I’d love to,” San winks at you, “I’ll have to show my boss. Doubt he’ll say no, you’re talented.”

“Ah, thank you, San,” you laugh shyly, “I’m no professional. I still have a long way before I’m considered good.”

“Stop beating yourself up, Y/N,” San laughs, “you’re really talented. I hope someday you’ll see that.” You smile and look away from San, trying to cover you cheeks from another wave of pink. Why can’t you just seem to maintain your cool today? You look back at your designs and enlarge the image of one of the unfinished designs and begin working away. San begins to clean down his counter but looks over his shoulder your way. He loves the way you engross yourself into your work and the way your eyes light up when you finally get the look you’re wanting for your design. He knows you take pride in what you do and how much you love it. He just doesn’t understand why you’re so hard on yourself all the time. You never seem proud of any work you do. Yeah everyone can beat themselves up because they don’t think they did the best job they could, but you just never seem to be proud of anything you make. But little does San know the reason why you’re so hard on yourself is because of the girls that harass you. They always find a way to point out flaws to your professor when presenting or whisper about how anything you do isn’t as nice as everyone else’s, things like that. It’s created this unhealthy mental mindset in you, and you can’t seem to shake it.

You realize time has passed when San refills your cup for a third time, which means you are most definitely not sleeping tonight unless you manage to get all this energy out of you. The sun has begin to reach it’s spot on the horizon.

“Have you started coloring yet?” San asks as he fills up your cup.

“A little,” you tell him as you zoom out from the first logo, the one San really likes, “I’m just messing around with colors to see what I like.” San leans past your shoulder to get a closer look at your tablet. His face just inches away from yours looking at the design. You watch as his eyes jump around looking at the little elements and the colors you have picked out at the moment. The corner of his eyes crinkle and his little dimples pop onto his cheeks along with a smile. He begins to speak but his words don’t reach your ears. You trying to remember to breathe and to not make a fool of yourse-

“Y/N?” San asks waving his hand in front of your face. His face turned towards yours and a slight look of worry replaced his smile. You blink a couple times and focus on San who breaks out of his worry and back into a smile. “You’re so cute. I’ll be back I think I have customers. I want to see the other designs!” You nod your head and the boy hurries back to get behind the counter. You put your head down and your hands cover your mad red cheeks. Seriously what is up with you today? At this rate San will definitely figure out you like him. You close your eyes and take a few deep breaths before looking back up at your tablet, and get back to work. You zoom back into your logo and begin coloring in another petal of the water lily.

“I’m going to head into the back to grab more coffee grounds. Yell if anyone walks in,” San tells you hand resting on your shoulder to grab your attention. You nod your head and watch the boy disappear into the back before turning back to your work.

“Well, well, well. Look what we found,” an all too familiar venomous voice breaks your train of thought. Your breath hitches slightly and you look up at the two girls standing in front of you.

“Is there something you need? Or no?” You ask, almost deadpan. This is the last place you want to see them, especially since it’s your one safe happy place.

“No,” she answers then looks around the shop, “figures you would come here. Must be where you get all your ridiculous ideas from. Makes sense; there is no inspiration. But…. you got a cute barista, so I’ll give you some credit.”

“Leave him alone,” you warn her with a flat tone. The last thing you need is for San to be brought into whatever beef you have with these girls.

“What’s with the attitude? We’re trying to be nice,” the other girl growls.

“Nice? You’re joking, right?” You ask, “you come in here, insult a place I like to be at, and my designs in one sentence.”

“You need to learn to keep your mouth shut,” the first girl tells you, voice low and threatening. You can feel your heart beat against your shirt. You know you can’t give up, not this time. You take in a deep slow breath to clam your nerves and the two girls stand there watching you, unsure of what you are going to do or say.

“Apologize,” the first girl demands.

“No,” you immediately answer her.

“No?” She asks almost taken aback with your sudden boldness she or her friend have never seen before. You go to open your mouth again to repeat yourself but your stopped when you feel a burning hot splash against your skin. A sudden high pitches scream escapes your lungs in reaction. You hear something heavy hit the floor and you and the two other girls look behind you at San who’s eyes widen. At his feet most of the coffee grounds have spilt out of bags and spread across the floor. The girls instantly make their way for the exit and you pull your coffee soaked shirt away from your body, but it doesn’t stop the burning sensation that’s already on your skin.

“Y/N,” San hurries up to you and quickly looks over your shirt and parts of your blistering skin that’s already exposed.

“It burns,” you tell him, your voice wavering just above a whisper. You breathing is shaky and a couple tears fall down your cheeks.

“We’re going to get you cleaned up, come on,” San helps you off your chair and guides you into the backroom and towards the break room. He clears off a section of a desk and has you sit on it while he heads to the other side of the room and he grabs the first aid kit from a cabinet. He opens the small box and looks around at what he has to work with. He takes another look at you and see’s that the skin on your color bones and neck have been to shrivel up.

“You’re going to need to take off your shirt for me to clean up the burns,” San quietly tells you. You’re slightly hesitant but you nod your head since you 1) don’t want to argue about it 2) want to get the burning shirt off of you. As you begin to take the shirt off San turns away and heads to his locker pulling out another shirt.

“Here, you can hold this up,” San holds out the shirt without looking your direction just so you’re not uncomfortable. You take the shirt and wrap it around your chest and even take off your bra after since it’s also soaks but most of the hot liquid was absorbed in the padding and so it just felt warm and you don’t think there are any burns. You whisper you’re good and San turns to face you again. He gives you a comforting smile before pulling out antiseptic wipes from the first aid kit. You make a small hissing noise when he first touches your irritated skin and you even slightly flinch away.

“I know it’s going to hurt,” San tells you, feeling slightly guilty that he’s going to hurt you just to make sure you get better, “squeeze my hand when it really hurts.” San takes your free hand. He begins cleaning your burns once again and you sit through the stinging feeling, but when he reaches your collar bone you squeeze his hand and he stops for a moment. He gives you a minute before he begins to lightly touch your collar bone again. San then tosses out the wipe and pulls out two small packets of an antibiotic lotion and dabs it onto your skin lightly but making sure it was being rubbed into your skin well enough. The lotion feels cool to your skin and you can almost relax. You watch San as he focus’s on making sure every burn is taken care of. You almost forget you’re still holding his hand.

“All done,” San lightly smiles at you as he closes the top of the first aid kit and tosses out the antibiotic packets he used, “you can put that shirt on.” As San goes to put the kit away you quickly pull the shirt over your head and push your arms through the sleeves. San’s unmistakable cologne fills your nose and you look down at the giant sweater. The lilac sweater is already giant on San, so it easily swallows you. 

You slide of the desk, and when the sound of your shoes hitting the floor reaches San’s ears he knows it’s safe to turn around. He smiles sweetly seeing you in his sweater, you look like a little puppy in it.

“Had I known you looked this cute in my clothes I would of let you wear them sooner,” San teases as he walks back up to you, His head pushed further out from his body as he leans forward, and his hands are behind his back. When he reaches you, though, he stands up straight and his smile drops as he looks at you. He raises his hand and gently trucks some hair behind your ear.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” San asks, he feels like he’s been stabbed and it’s evident in his voice.

“San,” you start as you look down at your hands, which you pick at your fingers, “you shouldn’t have to worry about me.”

“Hey,” San states as he gently grabs your face and lifts it up to face him, “I will always worry about you.” Your heart immediately flutters just at the simple idea that San wonders about you even when you’re not with him. The two of you stare at each other for a moment before San moves his hand to the side of your face and begins to lean towards you. You close your eyes and feel his lips meet yours for a moment before he pulls away.

“How lon-“

“I’ve liked you for a while. I’m surprised you didn’t pick up on it,” San slightly giggles, “ever since you did that little doodle of me.” You think back a couple months ago when you had come to the coffee shop with no assignments to do so you sat and doodles San as he worked through his shift. 

“I didn’t know you saw that drawing,” you whisper looking away and awkward scratching the side of your head. San laughs and wraps his arms around you, holding you close to his chest. You can feel his chest vibrating from the laugh.

“Come on,” San pulls away as he stops laughing, “I’ll walk you back to your apartment. I can close the shop for today once I clean up the coffee I dropped.”

“You don’t have you,” you quickly tell him, shaking your hands out in front of him, “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“A bother? Y/N,” San lightly laughs and grabs your hands, “you could never be a bother. Why can’t you see that? You mean a lot to me, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. Not anymore. So, please, let me walk you home.”

“Okay,” you whisper and nod your head. San smiles with your response and the two of you head back out into the coffee shop. Most customers had already left and San gave a heads up to those who remained. He flipped the open sign and grabs a broom and begins to sweep up all the coffee grounds on the floor. You sit patiently in one of the other bar chairs with your things all packed up.

Once San had finished, he grabs his bag, and stops you from putting yours on your shoulders. Something along the lines of him not wanting you to irritate the burns any further or getting them infected. You let San take your bag knowing he’ll whine if you don’t and the two of you make your way to your apartment. You invite San inside and he’s surprised with the style of your apartment and how you chose to decorate it. It’s not the last thing he thought it would be, but it definitely wasn’t his first. None-the-less San’s more than impressed with your style and even suggests you be an interior designer. The two of you enjoy the rest of the day watching tv and even cook a simple dinner together. Half-way through one of the movies you guys decided to turn on you fall asleep, your head resting against San’s chest as he has one arm wrapped around you. He only notices you fell asleep when he hears your light snores. He smiles and pulls you a little closer and makes sure the blanket you have is completely on you. San also takes the time to grab your tablet from the coffee table and begins an email to your design professors letting them know about what had happen today. He doesn’t specifically know which class you have with those two girls but he’s just playing safe and contacting all the professors anyway. He isn’t going to let anything or one else hurt you.

[shuadotcom]

The Smell of Spring | KTH

✿ Pairing: Taehyung x Female!Reader ✿ Genre: Fluff, slice of life, established relationship ✿ Word Count: 1.6k ✿ Rating: G ✿ Warnings: None ✿ Summary: Taehyung loves procrastinating almost as much as he loves you. ✿ A/N: This is an older work of mine that I’ve edited and re-written. A simple little fluffy piece.

"Noona, I don't want to do this!" Taehyung whined, throwing his hands in the air.

You looked up from your laptop at your boyfriend who was frowning so hard you were sure his mouth would become stuck that way. "Taehyung, you don't even have much left to do. You only have like half a page left of questions."

Taehyung dropped his head onto the dining room table and made a high pitched groaning noise. "But it's half a page too much! Besides, it's so nice outside and we're stuck inside doing work!" He gestured to the open window closest to you. You absolutely loved spring and all of the smells it brought with it. Grass that was finally growing again, flowers that were blooming, the fresh air that was transitioning from cold to warm. You made sure to always leave your windows open during the day so the smells could waft into the apartment.

"Well, I only have a page left of my paper to type so when we're both finished, we can go to the park and get ice cream."

"Or...we could go now." He beamed at you and batted his eyelashes.

"Your cutesy act won't work today, Tae." The brunette boy pouted and let out a sigh. He looked down at the computer screen in front of him, finding it completely uninteresting. He was trying to be more serious about becoming more fluent in English, but he was not feeling it today. He glanced back over at you and saw how intensely you were staring at your screen as your fingers flew over the keyboard.

"Hey, babe, what class are you doing homework for again?" He asked.

You glanced up at Taehyung briefly. "I’m writing a paper for my sociology class.”

“Do you like that class?” 

“It’s fine. My professor is a little boring, but overall it’s pretty interesting.” You went back to typing, slipping back into the zone. 

"What’s your favorite class out of the ones you’re taking this semester?” He asked after a few more minutes of silence.

"Taehyung, stop procrastinating, and do your work." You deadpanned, already knowing what he was trying to do.

Taehyung let out a groan of defeat and rested his chin in the palm of his hand. "I really hate this."

You loved your boyfriend, but truly you had never met anyone so dramatic (okay that was a lie seeing how you knew both Park Jimin and Kim Seokjin). "I told you I would help you if you needed it. Did you forget that English is my first language?"

“And I told you that I can do this by myself. It’s not learning if you tell me the answers, duh babe.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Well then shut it and learn something!” Your tone was joking as you looked for the closest thing next to you to throw at him. You grabbed a nearby napkin you had used to wipe some dust off of your computer screen, balled it up, and tossed it across the table, watching it bounce off of Taehyung’s nose. You couldn’t help the loud laugh that slipped out of you as you looked at his blank expression.

"Noona, did you just throw a used napkin at me?" His tone was flat and he wore his signature, extremely intimidating stare.

"Y-yes?" Judging by the look on his face, you weren't sure whether or not you wanted to answer him. Taehyung was up and around the table in a flash. His hands were at your sides in an instant and he somehow managed to wrestle you to the carpet in between your shrieks.

You continued to thrash and giggle while Taehyung's long fingers dug into your sides. "K-Kim Taehyung, you stop it th-this instant!" Between Taehyung's weight on you and your hysterical laughter, you were having a hard time breathing, plus, you felt as though you’d wet yourself soon if he kept it up.

With a few more prods to your soft skin, Taehyung finally stopped, his hands going to either side of your head so you could get your breathing back. Your cheeks were a bright red and you were panting, but there was still a smile on your lips.

"You suck," you whispered.

"But you love me," Taehyung said matter of factly. He smiled down warmly at you, making your heart flutter. You did love him. A lot.

The two of you stayed like that for a few more minutes before Taehyung leaned down, his lips ghosting over your ear. You felt your heartbeat pick up because of your proximity and in anticipation as to what he'd say.

"Noona, can we go out and get ice cream now?" You scoffed and pushed his chest to get him from above you.

"That's all you're using me for, isn't it!? To buy you sweet frozen treats!" You exclaimed teasingly.

"No, of course not. I'm also using you for your amazing beef stew which I hope we're having for dinner." He flashed you another wonderful smile. You rolled your eyes and shimmied away from the younger boy.

"Fine. I'll grab my purse then we'll go get ice cream, but after that, we are coming right back and you are finishing your studies! Promise?"

"Yes, I promise!" Taehyung jumped to his feet and saluted you before running to the front door for his shoes. You followed behind him at a normal pace to gather your things.

Not even twenty minutes later, you two were strolling hand in hand in the park, both enjoying your ice cream. It was warm out but not hot enough for either of you to complain. The wind was blowing slightly, occasionally making your skirt billow at your knees. You made sure to savor the times like this that you spent together.

Being with Taehyung when he wasn't busy recording song lyrics or practicing choreography was your favorite. It was the days when he was off and he could relax that you loved. It's not that you weren't supportive, you were just concerned. No matter how much he claimed he had everything under control and that he was fine, he was still only a person. You had seen him practice the same dance moves over and over again until he looked ready to pass out. He had spent days, nearly weeks with you, forgetting to eat or hydrate when his mind was focused on a comeback. He was the most precious person to you and you made sure to never take his time with you for granted.

"Hello!? Y/n!?" You were taken from your reverie by Taehyung's hand waving wildly in your face. You blinked and looked up at him.

"Yes?"

"You were spacing out. I was trying to tell you about the park in Tokyo that the guys and I went to, but you weren't listening," he said before taking a few licks of his ice cream cone.

"I was paying attention!"

Taehyung shook his head quickly. "No, you weren't. When you're thinking about something important, your eyebrows scrunch up and your lips do this really cute pouty thing."

You opened your mouth to object then shut it. It wasn't the first time someone had told you that your facial expressions were like a guide to what you were thinking or feeling. Jungkook made fun of you all of the time because you had the worst poker face in the world and always told you that being a professional liar was most certainly not in your future. You sighed and gripped Taehyung's hand tighter. "It's just that...I'm really happy you have these next few weeks off is all."

That bright, boxy smile you loved so much broke out across Taehyung's face. "I'm happy I do too! I'm so glad I get to spend so much time with my favorite girl." He released your hand only to loop his long arm around your shoulders and pull you closer to his body. You wrapped your arm around his waist and made sure there was barely any space between your bodies. Taehyung leaned down, catching your lips in a short, sweet kiss. You felt your face flush for the second time that day because of Kim Taehyung. 

When he pulled away, he winked at you before placing a second kiss on your forehead and resuming the walk. You decided to keep your other thoughts to yourself and let the warm, comfortable silence between the two of you hang in the air for a bit longer. You wanted to enjoy the moment with him and pushed any thoughts of worry to the side.

Once you had your fill of fresh air and your ice cream was long gone, you returned to your apartment. Taehyung immediately made a bee-line to your small kitchen, but you quickly grabbed his wrist and stopped him in his tracks.

"You stop right there! English work first, then I'll start dinner. You just had ice cream anyway. You promised you'd finish when we got back, remember?" Taehyung let out a long sigh before trudging over to the dining room table and plopping in front of his long-forgotten laptop. You smiled and went back to your homework, trying to figure out where you had left off.

"You know, I'm only doing this because I love you," Taehyung mumbled after a few minutes of sulking.

"I love you too, Taehyung." He didn't reply, but you saw the corners of his mouth quirk up into a tiny smile even though he kept his head down. You felt his jean-clad leg rub against yours before they intertwined under the table. You stayed like that as you both worked, letting this simple, seemingly plain gesture say everything else you wanted to say to each other and more.