#i stayed up all night finishing it thank god it done lol

[lvlybin]

✶ is it new year's yet?

summary   ༝༚༝༚ … ZB1 as your New Year’s Eve kiss

reactions ! ૮ ྀི◞ ⸝⸝ ◟ ྀིა    ۫  ੭̲    제비스 x 𝓯!reader ⊹ ( library )

爱    ࿁ ⠀ ˚⠀ warnings … kissing duh, alcohol & drinking, mentions of sex, mentions of social anxiety, they’re at a club in gyuvin’s part, not proofread

✉️ happy one week since new year’s! lol I wanted to post something cute that was new year’s related so I whipped this up really quick. sorry that it’s so late from the actual holiday >_<

ㅤ ⎯⎯ㅤ 𝓙iwoong ﹙𝓴.﹚ㅤ

The winter air is sharp as you step out onto the balcony. To keep yourself warm, you wrap your arms around your bare arms, wondering why you hadn’t worn a warmer dress to this New Year’s event. In your defense, you hadn’t planned to stay this long. It was supposed to be one quick drink, saying hello to everyone, and then back to your apartment. But then you’d realized Jiwoong was there. 

     It’s not like you would admit it to anyone, but you’d stayed for him. The two of you had been growing closer throughout the year and after the short winter break from work, you were desperate to spend a little more time with him. As if the texting hadn’t been enough. “Getting some fresh air?” God, even the sound of his voice was enough to have your heart racing. You glance back to watch him exit onto the balcony as well. 

     He looked so good in a suit. “It’s stuffy in there,” you say, rubbing your hands over your bare skin as you smile at him. Jiwoong doesn’t hesitate to slip off his suit jacket, draping it over your shoulders before you can even protest and the scent of his cologne surrounds you. “Thank you,” you whisper and he nods once.

      “It looks like it’s about to snow,” he mentions, and, oh for fuck’s sake, he’s talking about the weather. You laugh and he looks over at you with a smile of his own. You suck in a small breath, the cold making your nose sting as he shifts closer to you. Both of you stand next to the glass railing, looking over the bright lights of Seoul as each person waits for midnight to strike. “YN,” Jiwoong says, snapping you out of your daze.

      You try to keep yourself from sounding too hopeful, “Yes?” Jiwoong opens his mouth to say something, only for a particularly loud firework to go off in the distance. You jump slightly, in surprise, and Jiwoong moves to settle you by placing his hands on your waist. The touch makes your body warm despite the cold. “Must be midnight.” Another firework, and for a moment, you watch as the glittering gold fizzles out in the dark sky against small snowflakes.

      Jiwoong’s eyes flick down to your lips for a fleeting moment before they return to your eyes. “Happy New Year, YN.” 

      You were tired of waiting. Raising on your toes slightly, you press a soft kiss to his lips, enjoying the look of surprise on his face as you pull away. You like the grin that follows after even more. “Happy New Year, Jiwoong–” You barely get his name out before his lips are back on yours.

ㅤ ⎯⎯ㅤ 𝓗ao ﹙𝔃.﹚ㅤ

“I am never hosting again,” you grumble as you finish wiping down the kitchen counter of your apartment, “Didn’t know our friends were such animals.” Hao’s laugh is loud from his spot in the living room where he’s picking up a few cups. You mentally thank your past self for not letting them stay all night, a few hours was clearly enough for them to do plenty of damage.

     “We just got done with finals. They’re just blowing off some steam,” Hao says as he walks into the kitchen holding a garbage bag. You pout as you glance at the bag.

      “I can’t believe Matthew broke that lamp, it was one of my favorites.” Hao coos softly at your complaint, setting the bag down. With your arms crossed over your chest, Hao places his hands on your shoulders to press a kiss on your forehead.

      “I’ll buy you another one.”

      “No, you’ve gotten me enough Christmas presents already–”

      “Then consider this a New Year's present.” You give Hao a pointed look as he pulls away. His thumb comes up to brush over your bottom lip. “None of that. You can’t stop me from spoiling you.”

      You let out a dramatic sigh, “Well there goes my New Year’s resolution.” Hao laughs again and your heart flutters at the sound. His arms wrap around you and he rests his chin on the top of your head. Slowly, the embrace causes the rest of your annoyance from having to clean up your apartment to melt away. He just had that effect on you–making everything feel okay. 

      Your relationship with Hao was hard to classify. He’d been your best friend ever since you started university, but it didn’t take long before it grew into something more. Something deeper. Now, it was a weird space between dating and not dating. You hated the word situationship, so you refused to call it that. Honestly, you were just waiting for the day when one of you forgets that you haven’t made it official and just starts calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend.

      “It’s midnight,” Hao whispers into the quiet atmosphere of your kitchen. And he’s right, you can hear fireworks going off in the distance. Pulling away from him a little, you glance back over your shoulder at the clock on your stove. Sure enough, it reads midnight. But when you turn back to Hao, you’re met with his lips on yours. It’s just a soft kiss, his lips pressing to yours for a few moments before he pulls away. “Sorry,” he mumbles, “But you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

      But you do. Grinning, you use your grip on his shoulders to pull yourself back up to his lips. Your tongue slips into his mouth, swirling with his as Hao’s hands trace two paths down your sides to grip your waist. The two of you are out of breath by the time you separate again. “That was the New Year’s present I wanted.”

ㅤ ⎯⎯ㅤ 𝓗anbin ﹙𝓼.﹚ㅤ

Your boyfriend was such a genius. And while you knew he was romantic, this was by far the best surprise he’d ever planned for you. A small sigh escapes you as you settle into the hot tub, pine trees and a thick blanket of snow surrounding the cabin he’d rented for the two of you over the holidays. 

     “C’mere, baby,” Hanbin’s soft voice meets your ears as you sink further into the hot water, half swimming and half walking over to where he’s sat. The sight of his whisker dimples makes your heart melt as he helps you onto his lap, jets bubbling around you both to soothe your muscles. “Good temperature?”

     “It’s perfect,” you reassure. “This is exactly what I needed after skiing all day. God, I love how your mind works.” Hanbin laughs and you absentmindedly trace your thumb over the tattoo that rests between his collarbones. 

     “Wanting to see my girlfriend in a bikini and having her to myself for a few days is hardly genius.” You shake your head in disagreement. Snow falls lazily around you both, landing in his hair and yours as his ears turn a little red from the cold. Or maybe it was from having you in his lap. Hanbin had never really gotten used to that over the two years you’d been dating. 

     “Still.” You shift a little in his lap to reach for your glass of wine, taking a small sip before setting it back down. “Best New Year’s Eve ever. Best Christmas ever.”

     Hanbin lets out a small Oh as he wraps his arms around your waist, holding you closely to him. “I try. Especially hard for you. And you know…” You hum in acknowledgment. “2025 is gonna be a big year for us.”

     “Reallyyy,” you drag the word out a little as excitement rushes through you. You have a feeling you know what he’s referencing, but you won’t say anything about it, knowing he likes to plan things his way. Particularly when it comes to surprises and definitely when it comes to you. Like this little getaway. It had been bliss waking up every day to him and a stunning winter wonderland. Going into the small town for shopping and dinners. Going skiing and ice skating. And now, ringing in the New Year in probably the largest hot tub you’ve ever seen.

     The reflection of the blue water ripples across his face as he nods, steam rising off the surface from the temperature difference. “Really,” he breathes as he moves his hand to cup your cheek. 

     The kiss he pulls you into is soft and loving, like he’s trying to pour all of his affection into you through the one action. Playfully, his teeth nip at your bottom lip as he pulls away. “Happy New Year, baby.”

ㅤ ⎯⎯ㅤ 𝓜atthew ﹙𝓼.﹚ㅤ

The last thing you remember from New Year’s Eve was doing body shots with your roommate. It had been well before midnight when you blacked out. Hell, you weren’t even sure if you’d stayed up late enough for the clock to strike twelve. 

     Blinking harshly against the pounding behind your eyes, you peek your eyes open. Maybe it was the hangover but your bed felt softer than usual– this wasn’t your room. The walls were a shade darker, the bedding a deep gray, and all of the Pokémon characters and other figurines on the shelves were definitely not yours. You almost let out a small groan at the realization. Sure enough, when you glance down next to you, Matthew’s still passed out in his bed. He’s shirtless, and your heart drops along with your eyes and– Thank god. You’re not naked. 

     But this isn’t your shirt either. It’s Matthew’s. Which either meant that you’d stolen it last night while you were under the influence, you’d thrown up on the top you’d been wearing (which would be sad, you love that top), or certain activities had occurred the night before. Another rush of panic goes through you and your hangover is long forgotten as you reach to shake Matthew awake. “Matt!” He doesn’t stir for a moment, and you smack his bare shoulder softly. “Matt, wake up.”

     He grumbles at that, his eyes peeking open a little and you imagine that he’s feeling the same way you are right now. Hungover and confused. “What?” he mumbles after a moment, his voice rough with sleep. It’s like he doesn’t even register the fact that you’re in his bed. Or maybe he does with the way he rolls over, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face into your stomach. The action makes you freeze. You were used to him being touchy but this? This was new.

     “Why am I wearing your shirt?” Matthew hums at your words, but he doesn’t move. 

     “You wanted to sleep in it.”

     “Please tell me we didn’t–”

     “Have sex?” You hear him chuckle softly as he pulls away from your stomach to glance up at you. “Nah.” You let out a breath of relief and his brows furrow. “Do you remember anything from last night?” 

     You shrug, hands absentmindedly going to brush through his messy hair. “I remember doing body shots. That’s the last thing, though.” Matthew groans as he rolls onto his back. 

     “C’mere.”

     “Sorry?” you say, voice filled with confusion. Your roommate just gestures for you to cuddle into his side. Hesitantly, you scooch over before laying back down, resting your head on his chest as he wraps an arm around you.

     “Gonna have to remind you of our New Year’s kiss then,” he says before his lips meet yours.

ㅤ ⎯⎯ㅤ 𝓣aerae ﹙𝓴.﹚ㅤ

Superstitions were never something you’d believed in before, but you figured this was at least worth a shot. After all, you were going to need some extra luck if you wanted to follow through with your plan to kiss Taerae in approximately two minutes. Glancing at the bowl of grapes in your hands, you slip under Taerae’s kitchen table and begin to eat. 

     Only four of the twelve grapes are gone when your best friend’s face appears over the edge of the table. “What’re you doing down there?” his gentle voice meets your ears as you swallow.

     “Nothing,” you mumble, eating another grape. Taerae gives you a look before he moves to sit under the table with you as well. When he reaches for a grape, you slap his hand away. He lets out a small cry, but you know he’s just being dramatic. You would laugh if you weren’t running out of time to finish these grapes before it was the new year. 

     “It’s almost midnight,” Taerae says, watching as you continue stuffing your face with the fruit. “Seriously, what’s with the grapes?”

     “It’s for luck,” you say between bites. “Eat twelve grapes under the table and you get luck for the twelve months of the new year.” Taerae laughs.

     “And what do you need luck for?” Your face warms as you look down at the two grapes left in the bowl.

     “You’ll find out soon enough.” One more grape left and as you reach to take it, Taerae beats you to it. “Hey!” you cry softly, setting the bowl down as he chews, fighting back laughter. “Now I have to go get another one–”

     His large hands find your cheeks pulling your lips to his. He tastes like the grape he’d just eaten, and you’re sure you do as well. His tongue presses against yours as he coaxes your lips apart, deepening the kiss as the clock strikes midnight. When he pulls away, you subconsciously chase his lips, craving the feeling of his mouth on yours again. Taerae grins a little, giving you another small peck. “Is that what you needed luck for?”

     Your face warms, and you’re sure Taerae can feel it from the way his hands hold your blushing cheeks still. “How’d you know?” you ask shyly.

     “You’re more obvious than you think.” You laugh as you let your forehead fall to rest on his shoulder, both of you still crammed under the table. Taerae’s back was probably hurting, but he didn’t say anything about it. “And did you really think that I haven’t seen what sitting under the table means?"

ㅤ ⎯⎯ㅤ 𝓡icky ﹙𝓼.﹚ㅤ

One of Ricky’s favorite things about his relationship with you was that you were comfortable with staying in just as much as going out. And while you both loved your date nights out, it was usually him dragging you out to the restaurants or museums or wherever else you were going. This time though, you’d done the dragging to a scene that was definitely going to overstimulate you both.

     With small apologies, you push past people in the crowd filling the streets of New York’s Times Square, hand firmly in Ricky’s as you pull him along with you. The bright lights hurt his eyes and there were so many people around that the cold air couldn’t even touch his nose. His grip on you tightens a little, too worried about losing you in the busy crowd. Ricky had to remind himself that he was doing this for you. That you’d wanted to see the ball drop since you were little and used to watch it on TV with your family.

     “Come on!” you shout softly to him as you find a spot in the crowd to stand and watch. Ricky’s quick to wrap his arms around you from behind, protecting you from the way other people were shoving to try and get a better view of the ball before the New Year’s countdown began. You glance up at him. “You okay?”

     “I’m okay as long as you are.” And it was the truth. While Ricky may not be the biggest fan of crowds like this, he would do it for you. The way the shining lights illuminated the excitement on your face was worth any kind of social anxiety he might feel. Besides, having you in his arms like this, smiling up at him made all of those worries go away.

     “It’s starting!” you gasp softly as the people around you both begin the countdown. You’re quick to follow along, shouting the words like everyone else, and with a small chuckle, Ricky begins counting down as well. It’s like time slows as he watches your eyes, the glimmer of awe in them as you watch such a simple thing happen. It was adorable. He knew he should be watching the ball like you were, but he couldn’t take his eyes off your face even as the shouts of Happy New Year rang out around the streets. Confetti explodes from the top of buildings, raining down on the crowd and you tilt your head back to watch with a small giggle. 

     Your eyes meet his and somehow, your smile softens even more. Then, like the other couples surrounding you in the square, Ricky presses his lips against yours.

ㅤ ⎯⎯ㅤ 𝓖yuvin ���𝓴.﹚ㅤ

“D’you have a New Year’s kiss yet?” Were the first words you heard from the tall individual. You look up from your drink to the boy who approaches you as you sit at the table your friends had claimed at the club, expecting to tell off some ugly, egotistical douchebag. But the face that meets your eyes is anything but that. Fluffy brown hair falls over his chocolate-colored eyes as he smiles at you. Thank goodness you were sitting. If you were standing, you would’ve collapsed right into his arms at the sight.

     “Me?” The boy laughs as he nods.

     “Yes, you.” He offers you a hand. “I’m Gyuvin.” You give him your name as you take his hand. Being careful of your shoes, he helps you stand, and– Wow, he’s so tall. The top of your head barely meets his chin as his large hand grips yours. 

     “You’re offering your New Year’s kiss to a stranger?”

     Gyuvin shrugs, grin never leaving his pretty pink lips. “Isn’t there a saying of how you give a kiss to who you want to spend the new year with?” Your eyes flutter and your heart probably does too. 

     “Yeah–” He cuts you off as he wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you a little as he carries you towards the dance floor. There are several bodies in the space already, moving to the beat as the seconds to the new year slowly count down. A small laugh leaves you as Gyuvin sets you down.

     “Then consider this as me asking you out.” 

     “Well, you definitely get points for creativity…” you trail off as you wrap your arms around his neck. You have to stand on your toes a little to reach him, but you decide that it’s fine with the way his hands go to your hips. You could get used to this. 

     “Is that a yes?” You had a feeling you weren’t ever going to learn how to say no to him. So, you nod.

     His body presses closely against yours as midnight draws nearer, almost drawing out the anticipation as all of his firm lines meet your softer ones. Your eyes never leave Gyuvin’s as you both mutter words to each other, already feeling strangely comfortable and at home despite meeting only a few minutes ago. What seals the deal, though, is how deeply he kisses you once the clock hits midnight. Gyuvin’s tongue doesn’t fight your lips open, having enough common sense not to try to make out with you in public (especially since it was your first kiss with him), but that doesn’t stop him from holding you even closer to him somehow.

      And, yeah, this was the right decision, you conclude as he pulls away.

ㅤ ⎯⎯ㅤ 𝓖unwook ﹙𝓹.﹚

Giggling softly, you cling to your boyfriend as he carries you like you weigh nothing more than a feather. Gunwook stumbles slightly, and you know it’s from the drinks he’s had. The drinks you’ve both had courtesy to your friend group and the little New Year’s Eve party they were throwing. If you concentrated enough, you could still taste the sparkling bubbles and tangy grapes from the champagne. But you didn’t want to focus on that. You wanted to focus on the boy whose arms were wrapped tightly around your waist. 

      “Wookie,” you laugh as he tucks his face into your neck, your back meeting the wall behind you with a small Thump. He mutters a gentle sorry against your skin, but you don’t really mind. The alcohol is making you giddy and it’s making Gunwook clingy. When he pulls away to look at you in the darkness of the hallway he’d taken you to, your vision clears slightly. His skin almost looks like it’s glowing, rosebuds of blush blooming on his cheeks and you lift your hands to cup his cheeks. “You’re so soft,” you mumble, squishing his cheeks so his lips stick out a little. Gunwook’s pretty brown eyes crinkle into half-moons as he laughs at your words.

     He shifts your weight in his hands to lift you higher and you wrap your legs around his middle. As his large hands knead at the softness of your thighs peeking out from underneath your ridden-up dress, a small shiver goes through you. “I love you,” he whispers, lips finding your cheek. Then your forehead, then your nose, and finally, the corner of your mouth. “I love you sooo much–”

     “Love you too, Wookie,” you whisper, letting go of his face to hold onto his broad shoulders. Distantly, you can hear your friends begin the ten-second countdown to the New Year. They aren’t bothering looking for either of you, because they know you’re exactly where you want to be: in the arms of the person you love the most. Gunwook presses his forehead against yours as you wait for the cheers celebrating 2025 to sound. But as soon as the number One is shouted, Gunwook’s lips are on yours.     He’s quick to pry your lips apart, meeting your tongue with his as he kisses you deeply. You can feel him smile as the words “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” ring through the house. Yeah. This was the best way to ring in the New Year.

ㅤ ⎯⎯ㅤ 𝓨ujin ﹙𝓱.﹚ㅤ

“This is so embarrassing,” Yujin grumbles as the two of you continue down the driveway from your house. His parents wanted him back home by 12:15 and considering his house was a good fifteen-minute drive away from the friend's house you had been hanging out at, you were leaving a few minutes before the new year. The only problem? Yujin couldn’t drive. 

     Not that he couldn't, he just didn’t have his license yet, so you were stuck being his personal Uber. Not that you minded. He did though. 

     His hand grips yours, keeping them tucked in his coat pocket so you didn’t get too cold. “I swear, as soon as I can, I’m making an appointment so I can drive you around like you deserve.”

     You giggle, “What? You don’t like being my passenger princess?” Your boyfriend groans, the breath that leaves him showing in the air from how cold it is outside. “Seriously, Yujin, I don’t mind driving you around.”

     “But I do,” his small pout makes your heart melt. You weren’t sure how a person could be so adorable. “Makes me feel… I don’t know, less manly? Like I’m a child.”

     “We are children,” you remind him, squeezing his hand in his coat pocket as your head falls to rest on his shoulder. “One of us is just a child that can drive–”

     “Gosh, never mind,” he laughs and you smile a little, glad that he doesn’t take your teasing to heart. “It’ll be my New Year’s resolution. Being more of a stereotypical boyfriend.” You raise your eyebrows at that. The both of you are walking slower than you usually do despite it being cold, wanting to prolong your time together. 

     “And how are you gonna do that, hmm?” He looks at you, cheeks rosy from the chilly air and your eyes flick down to his lips for a moment. 

     “I’ll buy you more gifts.” You hum at the thought. “And… I’ll be more romantic,” he lists off his ideas as you begin to approach your car, stepping into the snow. It crunches under your feet as you walk toward the street. “But to start…” he trails off, your hands leaving his pocket as he stops in his tracks and you walk on. He pulls on your hands so you stumble back towards him, standing chest to chest. “I’ll do this.”

     And then in a move that’s much bolder than you were expecting from your boyfriend, his lips press against yours. It must be midnight, you think to yourself before melting into the kiss, enjoying the feel of the soft movement of his mouth against yours. Your forehead rests against his as you separate to breathe. 

     Breathlessly, you nod. “Kiss me like that again, and I’ll never bring up you not having a license again.”

[chipchappcomic]

TOMORROW!!!!! rarijack tiime :D

[enwoso]

CASUAL — leah williamson

wow, it’s a long one. this has admittedly taken me so long to write. i had the idea of this fic at the start of october but for some reason its just took so long to actually finish lol, but anyways as always hope you enjoy🤍

warning: implied smut, mdni 18+

masterlist

"girl where did you end up last night?" your best friend and also flatmate, amelie asked as you sat in your local cafe debriefing from last nights' night out events over a 'morning' coffee — it was more late afternoon — the two of you having very different endings to the night.

you sat swirling the dregs of your coffee around as you tried to find the way to explain, not so much how you didn't end up back at the flat cause you know she's knows that after catching you walking through the front door at nine am this morning in last nights clothes your head hanging from both the severe amount of alcohol you'd consumed last night but also in slight shame.

it was more whose apartment you stayed at you were trying to find the words to tell her about.

"oh y/n. you didn't did you-" amelie began as you nodded as a defeated sigh left your lips. that being all the clarification your best friend needed. ok, it may not be your proudest moment but who are you to deny a sexy, goddess of a women. but you knew this was heading in the direction of your getting another ear full.

"y/n.. what have i told you, you need to cut all ties with leah. you deserve someone who's going to treat you so much better-" amelie reached out grabbing your hands as you were still looking down at your coffee cup, you looked up a little.

you knew she was right, but you couldn't admit that to yourself. there was something about leah she was addicting and no matter how many times you ended up in between her sheets telling yourself it was the last time, it always happened again.

"yeah but-" you began but amelie gave you a stern look as her eyebrows raised as you rolled your eyes, "ok i get the message, i'll put it on my to-do list — cut leah williamson off." you dryly said, knowing it would be easier said than actually done.

"seriously you need too, your acting like a loser-" amelie continued as you opened your mouth to say something about the small insult she'd thrown your way but you were unable to. "you are though, your better than the rumours that people are spitting-"

"how do you-"

"people talk y/n!"

you'd heard the rumours going around the locals plus there'd been some article posted on an instagram post noticing you in leah's car after a match — you being labelled as 'mysterious girl'.

you weren't known to the media, thank god, you were lucky if you had over two hundred followers as if you had anymore than that fans would have an absolute field day with the news.

instead you were just a normal, twenty six year old girl who'd grown up in north london and had the usual nine to five corporate job as well as having a casual relationship with the leah williamson but you kept that under wraps as after all it was just something which was casual.

you'd met through a mutual friend of yours who also happened to be one of leah's teammates. lotte, who you went to school together and you'd stayed somewhat in contact. it always being a pleasant surprise to see her whenever your paths crossed.

you had bumped into her in a coffee shop near hours before you were being pressed up against a club wall by a blonde defender, having had one too many. the two of you had spent the night being overly touchy and flirting, her lips being felt all around your body leaving your skin feeling hot and your head all fuzzy.

"mine or yours?" leah whispered against your ear, as her teeth grazed your earlobe, you having to refrain yourself from whimpering. leah's hands gripping your hips as your were tangled in the ends of her hair.

"yours" you managed to get out, although it was quiet leah hear every letter. her hands reaching up to grab your hand as she dragged you through the club and towards the exit without as much of a bat of an eyelid towards her friends who she was leaving behind.

to both your luck there was a black cab waiting on the side of the road, both of you taking the chance to get in as leah immediately told the driver her address.

leah's hand stayed on your thigh the entire time as her thumb drew little circles absentmindedly, the busy streets of london making it feel like it's taken hours just to get a few minutes up the road.

as you watched out the window there was a cloud of regret you knew you'd feel in the morning but right now that wasn't what you mind wanted. you right now wanted leah.

so as soon as you cross the threshold of her apartment, you were pinned against the wall. the coldness sending a sharp shiver down your spine. "your so gorgeous" leah whispered as her eyes darkened, the sweet innocence of her blue eyes long gone.

inching closer so that your faces were impossibly close, taking one of her hands as it lands on the back of your neck and kisses you. slow but deep.

letting yourself get lost in her lips as it becomes more passionate and searching but then leah leans back a little, realising that you were in the middle of her hallway.

"come with me, baby" she whispers, her accent thick as the pet name rolls off her tongue but laced with love making your head spin even more as she extends her hand for you to grab as she leads you towards her bedroom, pushing the door open with her foot as her other hand laces itself back around you waist pulling you back to being impossibly close to her.

giving her a teasing look as she kisses you again this one more needy and fervent. feeling her hands all around your body nipping and pulling at your skin as you feel the back of you legs on the edge of her bed. a slight push and you back met with softness of her white sheets.

a small moan leaving leah's lips into the kiss as she felt your hands gently squeeze her ass, feeling her smile against your lips knowing that you were having the same affect on her as she was on you. you were both driving each other crazy.

as the kiss grow more sloppy as whines were being strung from both of your lips, your hips mindlessly starting to slowly grind against her. leah moving to kiss your neck leaving small kisses and sucking on your neck that elicited small moans from your lips as your breathing hitches.

leah's kisses to your neck becoming more intense you could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter by the second as you hips carried on to move against her. your hands lingering on her back as your nails dug that little deeper, more than likely leaving scratch marks.

"please le-" you moan out softly, needing more.

-

that wasn't the last time you saw the blonde defender, nor the last time you ended up with your limbs tangled between each other.

whenever the other had, had a drink or just when you needed company leah seemed to always be there. you felt like you craved her at all hours of the day. you found your mind sometimes wondering what she may be doing when you weren't by her side.

but you weren't together, it was just a casual thing. is what you found you were telling yourself.

but with each weekend that passed you found yourself spending them with leah more and more often. which is exactly what had happened this weekend.

leah had called you, she never calls you only ever texts. strange is what you thought when you saw her caller id on the screen a small smile slipping onto your lips as you pressed accept.

"hello?" you said as leah was yet to speak, you thought maybe she had called the wrong number. maybe she hadn't meant to call you .

"hi y/n-" she finally spoke but she lacked her usual confident tone, this time it had been replaced with a nervous shake of her accent. like she had something in her head that she needed to get out.

"did you need something le?" you ask as there is a deafening silence on the other end, a few rustling sounds before leah clears her throat.

"um are you doing anything this afternoon-" leah paused as you think to your plans for the afternoon, "more specifically are you doing anything at two?" leah continued as she waited your response as you hummed.

"no i should be free, why?" you asked wondering what this was going to lead to, what did she have planned.

"fabulous!" a breath of relief was let out from leah as she had a big grin on her face on the other line which if you could have saw would have made you smile, "since you aren't doing anything, do you wanna come to my match?"

you felt as though her words had just fell on deaf ears, you couldn't believe what you were actually hearing. ever since you and leah had- well whatever your relationship was it had always been in the darkness of everyone else, behind peoples back and away from prying eyes.

this felt like a step, you didn't know what direction but it felt like it meant something good.

as you tried to contain your happiness you nodded forgetting she wasn't actually in the room with you, "i- um i would love to le"

"great! i'll erm get your tickets sorted and send them over" leah explained as you hummed along before she quickly had to say her goodbyes claiming that she needed to get her pre match routine started.

since having to re-organise your afternoon, you were now going around rushing trying to find an outfit. not knowing if it was too cliche you going in an arsenal jersey of leah's or whether a subtle hint of red in your outfit would be a better idea.

deciding on just the subtle hint of red, finding a red cap which just so happen to also be leah’s which she’d left at yours after one night.

once you got the match you were amazed at the amount of people who had turned up, yourself not being as clued in of how big a scale women’s football was as admittedly you didn’t exactly have a big interest in football or in sport in general.

but for leah, you’d sit and watch football match after match if you knew it would make her happy.

once you found your seat in the stand you quickly sent the blonde a message not expecting her to even reply but she did.

Y/N:) - i’m here! good luck, i’ll be cheering you on☺️

LE<3 - i seen you! i’ve been looking for that hat. but i think it’s found a better home now;)

LE<3 - meet me near the dugout at the end!

finding yourself smiling at her messages as she sent another telling you what to say to the security so they would let you in to where leah wanted you to be, before slipping your phone back into your pocket ready to watch a game of football.

the ninety minutes felt as if they flew by, and at first you must admit you didn’t exactly understand what you were watching so you just cheered when everyone else around you did, but at the first half and definitely into the second half you managed to get a few rules down — with the help of a google search..

watching as leah walked around clapping and waving to fans looking so effortlessly good in her kit and with the fact she’d just run around for a good ninety minutes it never managed to fail to surprise you how easy she made it look.

despite the team only coming out with a draw which you knew leah would be slightly huffed about especially since they were by far the better team, you still were incredibly proud of her.

walking down and reciting the exact words that leah had messaged you to the security you made it to where she had told you to meet her, but that’s when a certain someone recognised you. a wide smile and arms wide open for you.

"oh y/n it's lovely to see you" amanda engulfed you in a hug, a warm fuzzy but also bittersweet feeling filling your chest. you'd met her mum totally by accident one of the first times that you and leah slept together. she'd been dropping of groceries for her daughter. leah trying to rush you out the door before things got to awkward.

but instead amanda being the polite women she is asked her daughter to introduce you to her. it ending up you stayed an extra two hours longer than you'd planned much to leah's discomfort, but in a way that made it all the more that enjoyable.

"what you doing after here?" amanda asked as she pulled you out the hug, leah lingering just behind you chewing the inside of her lip. "just if your not busy you can always join us for a few drinks" amanda smiled so sincerely as you thought over the invitiation briefly, would it be awkward - maybe? but friends can go out for drinks too!

“yeah, i’d love too” you grinned as a small cheer left amanda’s lips, you seeing the slight falter of a look on leah’s face before it turned back to her signature tight lipped frown.

or maybe you did it just to spite the blonde defender who stood so nervous next to you.

"brilliant! leah we'll wait out at the cars for you" amanda directed towards her daughter as she nodded a small sigh leaving her lips as she plastered on a fake smile, you knew there was a part of her that didnt want you there but that just added fuel to your fire.

amanda looping her arm with yours as the two of you walked towards where the cars would be at the back of the emirates stadium to take you and the williamson family for a few drinks to celebrate the win.

"so how have you been?" amanda asks as she walks beside you, a genuine interest in her tone, as you hum catching her up with your life which hadn't been all that exciting, most days merging into one.

"leah tells me you've been helping her with some business project? how's it going?" amanda asks and you swear your throat started to close up, your words getting stuck in between your lips as your eyes goes wide.

"oh- um yeah it's coming together-" quite literally. you stutter out a response hoping it doesn't raise to much suspicion and praying that the topic is over with just as quick as it came.

"leah won't give me a clue what it's about" amanda complains as she continues to tell you about the countless times she tried to get it out of her daughter as you hummed along more in your head as to why leah would say you were just business partners? why not just say your friends, cause after all you were?

"mhm well i won't be one to spoil the surprise then" you nervously chuckled as you saw the cars in the distance knowing you were close to the end of the conversation. amanda letting out a groan as she hoped she'd be able to get the big surprise out of you but that would be pretty hard considering there was no big surprise.

you were going to have to talk with leah, which would be a little odd as when the two of you were alone, not much talking would be done well not the converse action.

amanda letting go of your arm as she got into the other side of the cab, leah coming out the exit of the back of the stadium as she jogged quickly getting into the people carrier. sitting herself in the seat next to you as she shot you a soft smile.

-

the night was actually going smoothly, leah seemed to get out of whatever strop she was in when you were stood with her family in the emirates and was actually talking to you now. well more flirting with you. her hand getting dangerously high up on your thigh as she spoke.

"have i told you how pretty you look-" she blurted out as you took a small sip of your drink, a small smile appearing on your face as you lifted the glass from your lips and back to the table.

"you may have mentioned a few times" you whispered as this time it was leah's time to smile as her hand drifted a little further up your thigh as you shot her look as she squeezed your thigh making you jump in your seat a little.

"le-" you harhsly said inbetween your teeth as she looked at you so innocently as if she had not clue what she was doing to you but you know she knew. leah knew what her touch was doing to you and how it was affecting you.

leah had you right where she wanted you and honestly, you were going to let her - you'd face the consequences later on. right now, you wanted her, in more ways than one.

standing up with a loud scrape of your chair, all eyes turning to land on you, "m'sorry just- i'll be back-" you stutter out, your cheeks all flushed as you made a beeline straight for the toilets.

amanda looking worryingly over her shoulder at you before turning to leah, who just simply shrugged that making her mum's eyebrows furrow even more.

"i better go and check on her" leah stood up excusing herself as she followed suit pushing the door on the pub toilet door seeing you touching up your lip gloss as you regained your composure from the feeling on her hands on your body.

leah locking the door behind her, a rye smile on her lips as she stepped just that little bit closer to you, feeling your heart beat just that little bit faster.

was it nerves, probably but maybe it was more the uncertainty as you never knew what you were going to get with the blonde.

"are you sure?" leah whispered as she placed a quick kiss to your cheek before resting her hands to your hips as a smug smile came from you before you nodded.

"do you think you can keep up?" leah teased as your shot her a shocked look as she pulled you into deeper into the bathroom, your back now pushed flush against the sink.

"i'm sure i can.. business partner-" you whisper as you inch closer to her, making your eyes switch between her eyes and lips a flash of shock appearing on her face.

but just as leah opened her mouth to say another teasing comment, you wrap your hand behind her neck and slam your lips against hers. the kiss quickly turning heated when leah's tongue enters your mouth as a familiar warmth floods your body in seconds,

her hands gripping at your waist as she tugs you closer to her without breaking the kiss. the sound of your lips together was enough to leave an uncomfortable throbbing inbetween your legs.

leah pulls back for a moment searching for anything in your eyes that may say that you don't want this but there was nothing but lust, a small whine leaving your lips at the loss of contact in your lips before leah's diving right back in.

the sound that had been blasting through the pub had now quieten to a mere hum as your focus was solely now on the girl in front of you.

her hands placed on the small on your back slightly pushing in to make your back arch as your chest pushed into her. as leah's hands soon made their way slowly to slide down you your ass as your tongues graze against each other.

"so pretty for me, my love" your heart jumps at her loving tone as you feel the blood rush to your cheeks, leah's words always having some sort of effect on you and always leaving you feeling flustered.

leah's eyes roam your figure as her hand traces absentmindedly, as if she planning her next attack on your body. the blonde noticing the way your breath hitched when her fingers sit on your pulse point on your neck.

leah rotating her hand so her fingers lie gently against it awaiting your reaction as she smirks watching as you squeeze your eyes shut, as your hands grip against the rim of the sink.

a small chuckle leaves leah's lips as she leans down to press her lips to your neck sucking harshly on your sweet spot. a string of little whimpers leave your pretty little lips as you tilt your head more to the side allowing leah to have more access.

"le, please do something" you beg, feeling her hand roam underneath your hoodie, grazing across your breasts.

"don't be impatient baby girl" she rasps against your ear, tugging down on it with her teeth as you feel your self squeeze your thighs together. hoping it will help you relieve some tension between her legs.

leah finally lifting your hoodie over your head as she throws to the ground of the pub bathroom. usually you would have felt embarrassed as you would feel your whole body want to cower aways but with leah, it felt different. it felt good, it felt right.

-

it was a typical saturday night, leah had her home match at the emirates on the sunday so she was taking advantage of her the small out of rest time she had. a small hum of the tv playing in the background as you watched it, but really all your mind could focus on was the fact leah’s fingers were combing through the ends of your hair.

you were lying wrapped in leah's arms on her couch as the tv played, leah focused on some insta reel on her phone. you head tucked on her chest as it heaved up and down, the wholesome of the interaction. it felt like it was meant to be — it felt real.

"le?" you whispered your head turning to look up at the blonde as a small hum left her lips, her phone lowering a little.

"where do you see yourself in a year?" you asked, it was something that played on your mind a lot, cause would you still be in some casual relationship with leah or would you have your own apartment and she’d show you off to her friends as something more.

you were more hoping for the second option, since the months had passed since you both promised out of breathe that there wouldn’t be any strings attached.

and boy oh boy had that changed, especially since your favourite bra lived in her dresser. it was pretty hard to be casual.

“cause maybe we’d be more and going on cute little dates in a cafe before you’d go off to training” you began as you sat up, you rambling on as your hands flew around with some enthusiasm making you miss the way leah’s face changed.

“and then when you come home i’d be there waiting, your dinner on the table-“ you paused as you looked down to see leah’s face, puzzled but also her eyes they told you a different emotion, not the same energy you had but it was sadness — more a sense of guilt.

“i- sorry i got ahead of myself” you mumbled as your back sunk into the back of her couch, the further side from her.

leah shook her head, and you were half expecting her to wrap you in a hug and kiss your cheek and tell you it was okay and that maybe she felt the same way.

but she didn’t.

"y/n, remember, we're not together-" leah cut straight to the point, her tone blunt as you felt your heart drop and your brows furrowing and a quickly developing pout spreading across your lips.

you let out a shaky breath as you nodded slowly, you understood. she had kept her side of the promise of no strings attached. “i- just thought maybe?” you said so quietly it only came out as a whisper as you fidgeted with your fingers.

looking up to see leah’s face it told you everything you needed to know. you’d only known the blonde for a several amount of months but you knew her well enough to know what her face was telling you without actually having to say the actual words.

“oh i get it” you scoffed slightly, choking back on the tears which pricked at your eyes. all it ever was going to be was casual.

leah’s opened her mouth but nothing came out as she sat herself up on the couch but before she could even attempt to reach out to you, you were up from the couch. slipping your shoes on your feet. you didn’t want to be in the same room as her.

“y/n- don’t” leah finally managed to get out as she followed your actions following you into her hallway which was littered with her football memorabilia from her glittering career. but you shook your head, her voice to painful to hear as you stopped with your back to her just before the front door.

"do you know what's actually quite funny-" you paused to let out a little chuckle as you stood mere metres from the door, as you looked up from your shoes spinning slightly so you faced her. leah stood her shoulders sunken as she tried to plead with you not to leave.

"i actually thought i meant something to you- but i guess that's just how little i actually meant to you" you sighed as tried to steady your breath, tears prickling at your eyes ready to fall at any moment.

"i- i was ready-" you paused as your words got stuck in your throat, leah reaching out for you as you took a step back. "i was ready to give you my everything" you admitted it coming out just a little louder than a whisper.

"y/n-"

“no leah, you’d made it clear how you feel” you spat out as you spun on your heal, leaving leah calling out your name but your ignored her, reaching for the door and hearing how it clicked shut behind you.

part of you was hoping she was going to rip her front door open and call after you and not stop until you were back in the warmth of her arms but the corridor in her apartment block was silent.

the other part of you hated yourself how long you had let it drag out for, but now you were free. she can go to hell.

stumbling through the street as your tears fell down your cheeks, tapping away at your phone until you found the contact you wanted, the dial drilling through your ear a few times before it got to voicemail.

you sighed as you heard the beep, "i cut her off, amelie."

[formula-ghost]

Read Your Diary (FC43 x fem!reader)

Chapter 2: Own My Mind

CHAPTER SUMMARY: You might have finally admitted to yourself that you have feelings for Franco, but that doesn’t make the deep longing you feel for him any easier. And he's starting to make you question if he might feel the same longing for you, too.

WORD COUNT: 5.2k

WARNINGS: SEXUAL CONTENT 18+ ONLY MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Reader is a lil freak, use of YN, mentions of anxiety disorders/therapy, reader has self esteem issues

TAGLIST: @scopeiguess

A/N: Thank you so much for all the love on part one! I never expected my first chapter to get any notes let alone over 200 notes in just a few days. Seriously every single note has me kicking my feet and turning my eyes into little heart emojis lol. I’m already about 2k words into ch 3 so I am hoping I’ll finish it before I have to travel for the holidays (I will not be able to write at all while I’m gone). Also, I had a request for someone to be tagged in this chapter, so let me know if you all would like me to start a permanent tag list. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it!

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Oh it’s automatic, you know I just gotta have it

I’ll make your body a habit

You know there’s some kind of magic, uh huh

Do you wanna, do you wanna, own my mind, own my mind?

The Singapore Grand Prix was later that night. Franco did really well considering the circumstances. It was disgustingly humid, and when he was done you could tell he felt awful. You were so angry at everyone at Williams for letting him race like that. Yes, it was his job, but that was your friend out there suffering—your friend who you had just admitted to yourself yesterday that you were in love with.

You watched him from afar when he spoke to the media afterwards. His curls were plastered down to his forehead with sweat, and his skin was pale and clammy. You just wanted to hold him and tell him that you were proud of him. Instead you had to settle for keeping an eye on him in the chaos of the paddock post-race, and helping him back to the hotel with his mother.

She had to get on an early flight, so she left and you promised her you’d stay until he was okay. She was worried about him, and you were too. God, seeing him so sick broke your heart. You helped pack up his things while he took a cold shower and he emerged in just a towel wrapped around his waist. He seemed to be feeling much better thankfully, and his more playful mood reflected it.

Of course, you snuck a glance or two at his sculpted form. Just a peek at his wet curls, the water droplets running down his chest—even the scar on his collarbone that he always tries to hide. He thinks it’s ugly. You think there isn’t a single part of him that’s ugly.

You tried to ignore him and continued tidying up. “I hope you don’t expect me to tip you,” he joked.

You playfully rolled your eyes. “What else are you going to do with all your stripper money?”

“Well, if we’re stripping…” he said, slowly lowering his hand down to his hips, palming the towel. You stomped to the bathroom, out of view of whatever joke he was making. “Get dressed, you man whore,” you instructed.

You lived for the banter you all had—at times, it felt like your own language separate from the rest of the world. The audience could hear Franco’s humor, but they’d never understand it like you did.

When you left the bathroom he was thankfully (or, unfortunately) fully clothed, lying on the bed and lazily scrolling through his phone.

“I’m glad you seem to be feeling better,” you said.

“Well, better than I was, but still kind of like shit,” he responded with a sigh.

“Well, you can get some rest, I’ve got you pretty much all packed up so you’ll be ready to go tomorrow.”

He put his phone down and gave you a soft smile. “Thank you.” He paused for a moment, as if he was readying himself to say something, and looked at the floor away from you. “YN, would you… stay? Just in case I get worse, you know.”

You could tell by the color in his face that he was feeling better, but how could you deny him this small comfort, when his eyes met yours through his long eyelashes, a sliver of light from the street lamps outside cutting through the drawn curtains and resting on his face? He was so beautiful. And he wanted you to stay.

“Of course,” you said. You were going to get up from the corner of the bed where you now sat and move to the chair until he fell asleep, but instead he motioned for you to lay down on the bed next to him. Tentatively, you did, heart racing as he laid his head on your shoulder and curled his body into you.

His playful flirting was normal, but this was… different, a closeness beyond what was usual between you two. You could feel the warmth of his skin, his breath steady against you. Yes, your heart was beating, but you felt strangely calm. Peaceful. In this moment all that mattered was you and your best friend, quietly sharing a moment in each other’s presence.

Your hand, trembling, reached down to smooth a piece of his hair. He hummed in response, to which you quickly moved your hand, mumbling, “Oh, sorry.”

He just grabbed your hand and wordlessly placed it back on his head. Slowly, you began to run your fingers through his beautiful curls. You got lost in the moment, and soon enough, you felt his breath even out as he fell into a peaceful sleep. Soon enough, the stillness of the moment and the soft rise and fall of his breathing lulled you to sleep too.

You woke just as the sun was beginning to illuminate the sky outside. You had an unfortunate habit of waking up in the middle of the night—a common symptom of anxiety, your therapist had told you—but for the first time in a long time, you slept through the night soundly.

You and Franco had shifted, and he know had his arm lazily wrapped around you. You remembered the previous night and felt your heartbeat increase. It wasn’t just the feeling of his arm draped across your waist, but the feeling of…. something else. A little… morning problem.

Of course, you knew Franco couldn’t help it. He wasn’t even awake, and from your years of friendship you knew how much of a heavy sleeper he was. It was just an uncontrollable biological phenomenon. Nothing more.

But you couldn’t stay, feeling him pressed against you like that. It felt wrong and you were so nervous you could hardly breathe. So you carefully wiggled your way out of his grasp and quietly left his room, returning to your own.

Returning to your hotel room, all you knew to do to calm yourself down was to write. So you opened your journal and wrote all about the scene; the dinner, the banter, waking up next to him in the morning sunlight.

You wrote until your hand started to cramp. Then you went back to read what you had written, skimming over it, your mind only picking up on little snippets.

Lily thought I was Franco’s girlfriend, and I guess I can’t blame her. He’s such a flirt, I love and hate it. I just wonder if it ever means anything to him. I mean, he treats random reporters the same way he treats his girlfriends. What does he do when he actually wants someone?

He asked me to stay. I thought he must still be sick, but he just wanted me to… cuddle? I ran my fingers through his hair until he fell asleep. He looked like an angel, so soft and innocent, resting next to me. I wanted to kiss him so badly.

But when I woke up, I could feel his morning wood pressing against me. God, it was so awkward. But I can’t stop thinking about it, what he would do if he really wanted me.

Oh no. Oh no no no. You shouldn’t write that kind of stuff. Having a crush was one thing, but thinking about him like that? It was…wrong. Franco was your best friend. Your best friend who was absolutely perfect—yes, physically as well.

You threw your journal on the bed with a grunt of frustration.

You were fucked.

Your heart beat nervously as you walked into the waiting room before your next therapy session. It had been a week or so since Singapore when you had finally admitted the truth to yourself.

Yes, you had feelings for Franco. Emotional and… physical. No, you had no idea what to do with them.

Waiting for the clock to strike the hour, you reached down into your bag to run your fingertips along the spine of your leather journal. You had been writing incessantly in it since that night.

And if you thought that your fantasies were bad then, oh, it had gotten so much worse.

You told yourself you couldn’t help it. You were ovulating. You’d been single for a while. You were a girl with needs. But you felt disgusted, basically writing porn about your best friend.

I keep imagining that night at the hotel in Singapore, when he came out of the bathroom with just his towel on. In my mind, he sits on the edge of the bed like always, hand carefully placed at the top of his towel. His hair is dripping and his skin is still dotted with water droplets.

He doesn’t even have to say anything. The way he looks at me—eyes looking up through his gorgeous lashes, his pouty lips looking so lonely—I know exactly what he wants. So I get on the bed and straddle him, the only thing between us being my skirt, panties, and the thin fabric of the towel. I can feel him, how badly he wants me.

Then I’m in control, kissing his neck, leaving love bites up and down so that everyone knows he’s mine. He moans softly into my ear, bucking up his hips into me for just a bit of friction. “No,” I tell him, “I didn’t give you permission for that.” He whines in protest, but I just smile at his frustration. “My sweet boy…”

Even remembering what you wrote felt filthy. You wanted him—all of him.

I had a dream last night that Franco dominated me. We are in his apartment, arguing about something stupid, and he pushed me against the wall, kissing me roughly, like he couldn’t get enough of me. He holds me waist with his strong hands as his kisses get deeper.

“I need to taste you,” he growls into my mouth, picking me up and throwing me on the bed. Before I can react he’s on top of me, one hand holding my chin and the other fumbling with the zipper of my jeans. “Are you going to be good for me?” he asks, and I frantically nod.

“That’s what I thought,” he said, smirking, as he pulls off my jeans and my panties with it—

“YN? You can come in now.” You’re pulled from your daydreaming by the voice of your therapist. You close the journal, embarrassed, but not without her seeing it in your hands.

“I hope you’re doing well. I see you’ve got a journal, you’ve been writing in it, I take it?” she asked as you sat down in the familiar office.

“Yeah, I have,” you answered, clutching it tightly in your folded hands.

“Well, that’s great! Has it been helping you?”

“Um… I guess?”

“Explain more.”

You paused, unable to think. All you could do was blurt out the truth.

“I’m in love with my best friend.”

“…Okay.” Your therapist also paused. “Did your writing bring about this revelation?”

You tumbled through the rest of the session, trying to explain what happened without revealing too many intimate details.

“I just feel… horrible I guess. It’s so dumb. It’s not like he’ll ever feel the same way about me.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, he’s so… perfect. And I’m an anxious mess,” you laughed.

“Is anxiety that much of a barrier to being loved?”

You laughed, considering the gravity of her question. You couldn’t truly answer it. “It shouldn’t be. But I just know he’d never choose me and that’s okay. He doesn’t even know how I feel, and even if I had the courage to tell him, I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“Does it bother you, not being able to tell him about all of this?”

“….yeah, it does, actually,” you admitted. "I'll never do it but... I just wish I could, you know?"

"I understand. Why not start with expressing your feelings platonically? Telling him what he means to you as a friend?"

"I guess I could do that." You didn't quite know how you'd accomplish that, but you weren't in therapy just to refuse to try anything. You wanted to do hard things. You needed to do them.

So you made it your mission, next time you saw Franco, to tell him something meaningful. You weren't sure what it would be or how it would come out, but you'd at least try.

Unfortunately, it was a while before you'd see Franco again. There were a few weeks between Singapore and Austin, and between race prep with Williams and sponsorship deals, Franco was up to his ears in work. You still talked, of course—you texted back and forth every day—but it just wasn't the same, and you missed him horribly.

You'd felt this before, the ache in your stomach that longed for his presence when you'd gone too long without seeing him. You figured it would be different now that you had finally admitted to yourself what this feeling was. You didn't expect it to be worse.

Because now that feeling in your stomach was sharper. You didn't just yearn for the mere concept of him—you wanted everything. You missed his smile. You missed hearing his voice rise and fall in intonation as you bantered back and forth. You missed his perfect curls smoothed across his forehead. You missed the feeling of his arm wrapped around you, whether in a friendly embrace or something more intimate, like you'd had in Singapore. And in the back of your mind, you missed the feeling of Franco's hardness pressing against your back, a sign of what you fantasized was a deep wanting for you, both physical and emotional.

You tried, and failed, to rein in these fantasies. But with the more days that passed, the more Franco began to feel less and less like your best friend, and more and more like the version of him you'd created in your head, desperate for you more than anything else in the world.

You wrote all of this down, of course. If you hadn't you would have lost your mind with lust. Romantic pining was nothing new to you—you'd had a boyfriend before, although what you felt for him paled in comparison to Franco—but this intense physical desire you felt was new.

You had never been satisfied by anyone, anything, before. You smiled to yourself as you thought, well, I guess it's true what they say about the quiet, shy ones.

And Franco, unbeknownst to him, wasn't making it any easier. He called you one day, the first phone call you'd had in a while, a few days before you'd be flying out to Austin for the grand prix.

"I'm sorry I've been so busy," he explained, "but the stuff we're doing is so cool."

"Am I allowed to know, or is it top secret?" You smiled through the phone.

"Well... I can't tell you everything just yet, but I can give you a sneak peek. Check your messages."

You felt your phone vibrate, receiving a notification from Franco. You tapped on the text and nearly dropped your phone. He had sent you unedited pictures from a photoshoot, and he looked fucking amazing.

His voice on the other end of the line explained, "I'm gonna be on the cover of Forbes Mexico for the race. What do you think?"

At first, you were quite literally speechless. "Franco, you look..."

"Gorgeous? Sexy? Like the most fuckable Formula 1 driver?" he teased. For a split second, you wondered if it was possible to hear a blush through the phone.

His banter inspired your own. "... not bad. I mean, you certainly give them a lot of work to do to make you look good, but they did pretty decent."

If human beings could hear a blush through a phone, you were sure the noise that Franco made would be indicative of one. "Oh, shut up and tell me I'm pretty."

A million potential responses went through your head. Make me. Beg for it. My pretty boy.

Instead you just laughed and said, "No, really, you look great. This is amazing. You know the entire internet is going to lose their minds after this drops?"

He smiled. "That's the plan."

It still hadn't been released by the time you made it to Austin, but you weren't complaining. A part of you liked having this piece of Franco all to yourself. You kept going back to the photos again and again—his glare at the camera, his arm draped over a steering wheel—you couldn't get enough.

And when he met you at the airport in Austin (even though you told him it wasn't necessary), all that want came rushing back the instant he wrapped you in a hug that lasted a little too long to be considered platonic.

You couldn’t let your thoughts go that far. You’d already crossed a line by allowing yourself to feel such… intimate emotions for him. But to even imagine that he really wanted you to? No. That was where you actually drew the line.

But unfortunately, Franco’s confusing behavior made it far too easy for you to believe that he didn’t feel the same.

You all didn’t talk about that night in Singapore, or the fact that he must have woken up alone. You’d rather throw yourself into a pit of knives than talk about it and have to bear the embarrassment, and Franco didn’t seem bothered at all, so you let it go to the back of your head, acting as if it never happened at all. Your first day in Austin was fine, mainly spent recovering from jet lag and exploring the city on your own while Franco did his media duties. You had dinner with him that night and it was like no time had passed. The banter was the same, the atmosphere was great, and you were so happy to be back in his presence again.

As he walked you to your hotel room, you remembered your promise you had made to yourself, that you’d try to practice being vulnerable. For some reason, you didn’t have it in you today. You were tired, in a good way, but all you wanted was to curl up next to Franco and wake up in his arms the next morning.

And of course, you assumed Franco would want to stay. Why else would he walk you back to your room? Maybe it was the nervousness of the implication—you and Franco, alone in your hotel room—that prevented you from saying anything, or maybe you just knew that now wasn’t the right time.

Either way, there was no moment. Franco just bid you goodnight with a wave and left to his own room.

You didn’t know what you were expecting. He just didn’t like you like that, and it was okay. You didn’t want to ruin the friendship.

But you also couldn't help but feel a bit...disappointed. You cursed yourself for letting your fantasies become too real. It would be weirder if he had tried something.

Still, you dealt with these complicated emotions the only way you knew how: writing. You opened the journal and began to write away, not even stopping to think, just vomiting words on the page.

We're in Austin right now. It's been...normal. Good. Which is weird, considering that last time we were at a grand prix we spent the night together. It's not like that, but I can't help but think that something is just...different. I keep thinking about what my therapist asked, about anxiety being a barrier to love. Franco has always supported me, or tried to at least. I haven't exactly made it easy for him, or anyone else, since I bottle things up so much.

But he doesn't love me, not like that, anyways. He dates models—I mean, God, he is a model now—and I'm just me. I'm not exceptionally pretty or smart or funny. I'm nobody.

I can't help but fantasize about how things could be different. I imagine us going on a fancy date. He's wearing that suit he did the Mexico photoshoot in, with the top shirt buttons undone to tease me. He picks me up from my apartment at 8 with a bouquet of pink roses (not red, red is too cliche; but I guess I can't complain, no man has ever bought me flowers). I'm wearing that dress I got the last time we visited Argentina together—the one that hugs all my curves just right, and it's his favorite color. The dinner is sweet. We savor the time together, since it's more scarce now that he's a permanent driver in F1. We've had a few glasses of wine, just enough to get us slightly giggly and blushed, our inhibitions long abandoned. In the back of the Uber he traces his hand up and down my thigh, each time teasing scandalously closer and closer to the place I need him the most. 

The ride is torturously long, but when we arrive back at his apartment, he wastes no time in getting me alone so he can have his way with me. He picks me up bridal style and kisses me through my drunken laughter, a smile on his face, too. He lovingly tosses me on the bed before taking off his jacket. I just look at him in awe. He’s so fucking perfect. And he’s all mine. He gets on top of me, kissing me gently, and no words need to be exchanged between us. I can feel the tenderness of his lips against mine, and he pauses, looking me directly in the eyes. The moment is quiet and I feel so safe and loved with him, until our lips crash together and his hand finds its place on my thigh again. It trails up and

There was a knock at your door. 

You jumped, startled. Getting up and looking through the peephole in the door, you saw it was just, of course, Franco, so you hurried to open the door.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“You left your lipstick in my pocket,” he smirked, holding out the tube to you.

“Oh!” you exclaimed, having forgotten about asking him to hold it earlier at dinner since your outfit didn’t have pockets. 

“You didn’t even notice that I stole it.” It was true. You had completely forgotten about it with all your journaling. 

“Well, the shade would look good on you,” you teased. 

He playfully rolled his eyes. “It’s no fun pranking you when you don’t even notice. Keep up, hm?” Franco loved to play little tricks on you like this, and usually you played right into them, knowing that the fun of his taunting outweighed whatever consequence the prank itself would bring. 

“You’re impossible,” you said, smiling regardless. “Now, if you’re done stealing my stuff, I’m exhausted.” You went to close the door, assuming this to be the natural end of the exchange, until Franco took a step into your room and rested his weight on the doorframe.

“Not exhausted enough to skip your… journaling?” he said, looking over your shoulder.

Shit. Shit shit shit. You hadn’t closed your journal. 

“Since when do you journal?” he asked, leaning forward as if he was trying to make out the words from across the room.

If you had been smarter, smoother with it, you probably could have lied and said it was for work, then proceeded to rant about your remote corporate job which would have bored Franco to tears. But smart and smooth with it are two things that you are not.

You swiftly turned around to grab the journal and slam it closed, holding it in a death grip. Your absence from the door, however, had been interpreted by Franco as an invitation to come in. And it was clear by the urgency of your actions that whatever was in that journal was something you did NOT want him knowing.

You answered him, “I haven't been doing it very long.” There was a brief moment where you considered ending the conversation there. It was too late to formulate a good lie, anyway. But on the other hand, you wanted to do hard things and be honest with yourself and others. So you did. At least your therapist would be proud.

So you continued, “It was a suggestion from my therapist. Just helps you get your thoughts out so they aren’t all stuck in your head.” Simple enough. It was the truth, after all. He didn’t need to know what those thoughts were.

“Can I read it?”

You paused in bewilderment. “Um, no? Franco, what the fuck?”

“What?”

“You don’t just… ask to read someone’s personal journal.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s personal, you muppet!”

“Really? Stole that one from Lando?”

“It fits." You snorted. "But seriously, why would you ask to read my journal?” 

“Because I never know what you’re thinking. You’re impossible to figure out.”

“... I am?”

“Yes, you are.”

“Well why don’t you just, I don’t know, ask me what I’m thinking?”

“... I know you did not just say that.”  He made a face at you. Yeah, he was right. If you were skilled enough at communicating your emotions you wouldn’t have needed to start the journal in the first place. He continued, “You were literally dying in Singapore and when I asked you what was wrong you said you were fine.”

“Hey, I made it to quali alive,” you replied. 

“Look, I just… It would be nice to understand where you’re coming from a bit more, like… actually nevermind, forget I ever said anything.” Your confusion only lingered as Franco clearly struggled to find the words. You guess that this was how he felt communicating with you sometimes—it sucked.

“Whatever, you weirdo,” you said, your joking tone an indicator to him that you were willing to act as if this horribly embarrassing exchange had never happened. 

“Goodnight, YN,” he said as he left the room, ending the conversation like that. Now it was your turn to be confused by his actions. There was something he clearly wanted to say but couldn’t, and you let yourself wonder, just for a second, if what was happening to you wasn’t so different from whatever was going on in his head.

You let your fantasies lull you into sleep.

Again, you let… whatever was happening between you and Franco go unsaid and focused on supporting him for the grand prix. 

From the Williams garage, you cheered him on as he got another point, overtaking Alonso so skillfully. When he came back to the garage, you met him as you always did, with a smile that stretched across your entire face. Your hug this time was different, as he picked you up and twirled you around. You laughed into his shoulder, holding on to him as he spun you.

He put you down and was immediately assailed by hugs all around from the Williams team. Lily, who had been in the garage by your side the whole race, elbowed you in the side. 

“So, you and Franco are just friends, huh?” she teased. You all had become friendly enough that a little bit of banter was acceptable. 

You inhaled with a soft smile, watching him celebrate in the distance. Once again, you chose vulnerable honesty. 

“Yes, we’re just friends. But it’s…complicated.”

Her eyes widened and she turned to you, shielding you off from the celebratory scene. In a lowered voice, she muttered, “You have feelings for him?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Unfortunately, yeah. But c’mon, he just spun you around like a Disney princess. He obviously has feelings too. And have you seen what the fans are saying about you all?”

“No?” You were surprised the fans even knew you existed. You had cut down on social media a long time ago, knowing how much it contributed to your anxiety and self-esteem issues. You still had accounts, but all were private and hardly used, and you didn’t interact much with fans at the races, preferring to stay in the garage or in Williams hospitality to enjoy the races without worrying about what people were thinking of you.

“They love you two. Seriously, I think there’s gotta be a million teenage girls living vicariously through you.”

You laughed at her comment, not in a mocking way, but because of the absurdity of it all. None of these people really knew you, or Franco, for that matter. It just proved your point that social media wasn’t real.

So if people on social media were shipping you and Franco, then it couldn’t be true. At least, that’s the confusing logic you held yourself to. A line had to be drawn somewhere.

Your conversion with Lily was cut short by Franco approaching. “Celebratory dinner later?” he asked, still beaming. You agreed.

If you could have bottled the energy that Franco exuded all day after the race, you would have had yourself a very lucrative energy drink company. As he was packing up his things to leave the circuit, you all passed by barriers where fans were practically crawling their way to get to him, screaming his name and waving Argentine flags in the air. He tilted his head to them as you passed, and asked, “Can I?”

You were in no rush, and of course you could never deny him this moment to enjoy what he had built with all his hard work. He stopped to sign shirts and caps while you stood behind. Everyone had their phones out, filming Franco, but you knew you’d inevitably end up in the background. You just hoped you didn’t look too awkward. 

Franco turned his head back to you as the crowd behind the barrier just grew more and more excited. “You see this, YN? This is insane!” his smile stretched from ear to ear, and you just smiled in response. He climbed up the fence, eliciting a small giggle from you, and filmed the crowd below him chanting his name.

You had never been more proud of him. And you had to say it. 

So you did, after dinner when you all somehow ended up in his hotel room together again. The atmosphere was…calm. Familiar. Warm.

The conversation had reached a natural pause, and the night had gotten to that point where that space between you and him felt simultaneously infinite and nonexistent. 

He sat crossed legged on the bed, fiddling with something in his suitcase next to him. You sat on the chair only a few feet away.

“I’m so proud of you, Franco. I don’t tell you enough.”

He looked up and your eyes met. And he blushed. You had made Franco Colapinto blush.

“When did you get all sappy on me?” he asked. There was still a bit of a wall up. It was unusual for you all to be this vulnerable with each other.

“Since my best friend in the entire world is achieving all his dreams! I mean, we’re celebrating points now, but one day we’ll be celebrating podiums. And then race wins. And then championships. I believe it.”

The room was draped in a thick silence. Franco knew you didn’t throw these words around carelessly. And the unspoken implication, that you’d be there for all of it.

“I believe it too,” he said quietly. There was no ego in his statement. Only true hope.

[anundyingfidelity]

FREE PASS — Sam Winchester

Summary: Two men appear at your office to inspect a body from a lady who died under mysterious conditions. As a forensic, you are not letting strangers inside the morgue, but one of them is going too far to get your permission.

Pairing: Undercover!Sam Winchester x female reader.

Word count: 1.6k.

Warnings: smut, office sex, against the wall sex lol, sexual tension, p in v, unprotected sex, the dirty stuff, Dean being a dick (i love him he's a jerk).

GEN MASTERLIST!

taglist is here!

“I said no.”

“If you could just give a call to our boss he’ll–”

“Sorry, I need proper documentation so you can check that up,” you repeated yourself for the tenth time as you took some piles of documents from your desk to save them into the archive.

Dean, undercover along with Sam for this new case, sighed, trying not to lose it right there. You were so insistent on getting those damn documents signed before they could inspect the dead woman’s body, who got reported as having all her blood drained with no trace. Why wasn’t this working? They’ve done it hundreds of times already, and not even his personal charms were enough to let them get inside.

“So, my partner and I really need to see this. We know there’s another woman that died, same conditions, in less than twenty-four hours after this one was found,” Sam intervened and interrupted Dean’s thoughts.

You looked surprised as to why they knew about the other body as well.

“I don’t recall mentioning the next one they’re bringing in for an autopsy,” you replied, eyes falling on Sam as you crossed your arms on your chest.

Dean observed your gaze attentively falling on his brother, your demeanor seemed to change abruptly every time Sam talked. Even your voice sounded different.

“How do you know that?” you asked, ignoring Dean’s presence.

“We know because we’re authority,” Sam sternly said.

“Well, I am the authority here. So you can either leave or bring the document from your boss.”

“Of course, doctor,” Dean interrupted your stare contest, smiling as best as he could given the irritating feeling you just caused him. “We’re bringing that up soon, thank you for your time.”

With that, both of them left your office.

“Damn, she was annoying,” Dean said, saving up his badge on his jacket.

“Yeah, but I think I have an idea,” Sam agreed as they made their way to the car.

“So what? You’re gonna sleep with her until she agrees?” Dean chuckled, but when he noticed Sam’s eyes illuminating, he stopped grinning. “Oh…”

Sam went back to the morgue late at night. He hoped you were gone to inspect the bodies and get the reports, meanwhile Dean stayed back at the motel room to do some more research.

‘She’s a bitch’ Dean had said before his brother left, you really had hurted the charm in him. Sam found it kind of funny, though. Dean was so used to ladies swooning for him, and there were a couple of times those cheesy lines and non-chalant flirting had worked in tough times like this, but you weren’t buying it. So sneaking in was by far the best option he had.

Before starting the inspection on the bodies and making sure there was no one at the place, Sam made his way to your office to check on the autopsy files. The lights were still on but it was empty. He searched the last files, skimming and scanning information before taking pictures with his phone. He was almost done, saving them up in place when the door opened.

“Agent?”

God, he was so screwed.

Sam finished closing the drawer and turned back to get a look at you, standing at the door frame clearly mad at him.

“I hope you have the document I clearly asked for earlier today.”

“Uhm, this is very-”

“There’s nothing funny going on here, agent Harrison. Is that your real name anyway?” you asked as you approached him, until you were just mere inches away from each other.

He smiled as best as he could, ignoring your last question. Dean was right, you were a bitch. A bold one.

“You don’t understand, doctor. We can’t keep waiting for a piece of paper to make an inspection,” Sam replied as politely as he could.

“Probably, but it is protocol. I ain’t letting that slip away and risk my job just because two assholes are trying to hit on me to get access to the morgue.”

“We’re risking getting more people killed under this same pattern. Tell me, do you even care about them dying? We need to do something now, doctor, before it’s too late,” Sam started to raise his voice, but not to the point where he could sound angry. He was just being authoritative, exactly like you were with both of them before.

You flinched slightly when he raised his voice. He has started to think of the way you would react differently with him than with Dean. You clearly didn’t like his brother, but Sam was another story. Dean had obviously noticed that, and now Sam was seeing it too. Whatever you were feeling right now, could be cut by a sharp knife. Dean’s not so subtle idea was suddenly good, not that he didn’t think you were hot being all bossy and bitchy with them. He decided to give it a try.

Sam pulled you quickly for a desperate kiss. He swallowed a sweet moan of yours against his mouth, and towered you with his broad figure until you stepped back and you hit the cold wall behind you.

“What are you doing?” you asked between breaths when the kiss was over.

“Convincing you.”

He waited for an answer, but he got everything he needed to continue when you began to take off his jacket desperately, as if anyone could catch you inside the office in the middle of the night. Sam attacked your lips again, the kiss growing hot and wet as both explored your bodies, tracing patterns over your clothes you both were desiring to get rid of.

Sam barely could get your blouse unbuttoned and discharged your trousers after his shirt was gone. Your hand stroking his cock under his pants after unbuckling them, his lips sucking on the skin of your neck and long fingers finding your wet slit over your panties. You moaned, feeling one of his digits curling inside your walls, his breath hitching once your palm stroked him faster. You pulled him for a kiss, tangling your free hand on his long, soft hair as he grunted against your mouth. Both tasting each other’s sweet noises and savoring the heat building up in between.

He lifted you, your legs around his waist, feeling his hard cock pressing against your cunt. He just pulled your panties aside, bare chest pressing against your own still covered by your bra. He lined up with your entrance and you gasped, feeling the tip of his cock splitting you. He became so eager, so needy, he didn’t give a shit to undress you properly, he got what he needed between your legs. You looked so hot like this, squirming and moaning as he filled you up completely.

“God, you’re so big- oh, fuck!” you breathed out.

Sam grinned. “So fucking tight… And cockdrunk already.”

He slammed his hips and quickly found the perfect pace to fuck you right through it.

He held you tightly against the wall, your pussy taking him so perfectly he would just cum right there. The quietness of the office dissipated. Moans, grunts and the obscene noises of skin against skin filled the place. Your hand buried on his scalp, pulling his hair just a little, feeling embarrassedly close to your orgasm. You couldn’t help yourself. Ever since the moment they walked in, he caught your attention, and you spent the whole afternoon daydreaming of a good fuck either way.

Sam pounded harshly, hips stuttering and giving harsh thrusts as he felt his climax building up, his cock twitching when your walls began to spasm around his length, fucking you over and over, until he spilled inside you. Soon, you followed and came hard as his finger rubbed your clit slowly. You pulled his hair harshly once you reached heaven, and he nipped your neck, grunting on your skin. You milked him completely until his thrusts were slower, and eventually stopped, still buried balls deep inside your pussy, pulsing and sensitive from the best orgasm you had in a very long time.

You remained there, legs tangled around his waist as you softened on his arms. His hot cum dripped down your thighs, and you wanted nothing more than to stay there forever.

When Sam cooled down from his high, he pulled out and helped you remain on your feet, your legs were still wobbly and he took some pride in your state. You shared an accomplice stare, and you knew you got yourself into some trouble.

“So… you still need my reports and check the bodies, right?”

Sam slammed an envelope on the table with a thud. Dean, looking away from the laptop, noticed a proud smirk on his brother’s face.

“Really? You banged the forensic?” he asked with a teasing voice and laughed. “Wow.”

“What?” Sam said, getting annoyed by his childish behavior.

“I knew she was eye-fucking you since we entered that office. Guess I wasn’t her type,” Dean got on his feet, taking the envelope. “Anyway, that is a pretty reasonable answer as to why she was acting so hostile with me, specifically. Good job, Sammy.”

Dean patted Sam’s shoulder proudly, like a father congratulating his son for winning a high school baseball game, and then walked away to lie on his bed, taking out the copy of the reports.

Sam would’ve liked for Dean to actually ask questions about the case, instead he spent the next hour or so teasing him for fucking his way to get access to a morgue. He took out his phone when a text came, ignoring Dean’s disgusting question of how sex was.

We have a new one. What the hell is going on?

He might have found a new ally on you for this.

Sam Winchester taglist:

@onlyangel-444 @feyresqueen @drasticemotions @stoneyggirl2 @whothefvckami

[mattyriddlegf]

Red Carpet - NAC

Hello my loves! Here's a cute little one-shot about Nicholas Alexander Chavez for you all, I hope you enjoy <3

Summary: you and Nick get ready for your first red carpet

word count: ~1.2k

(I'm so obsessed with him HELP lol)

-----------

You stand in your bedroom as Nicholas showers in the connected bathroom. You two weren’t living together yet but he had been staying the night more and more frequently as of late.

Tonight, Nicholas and you were publicly debuting as a couple, the reason why your hands slightly tremble as you finish your makeup routine. Your dress was hung next to his suit, across the room from you.

You hear the water stop, Nicholas walking out with a towel wrapped around his waist only a few seconds later.

“I think I’m going to wear that one watch that my dad bought me last year, have you seen it babe?” He mindlessly says as he walks over to his suit for the red carpet event, “I wore it when I was here like last week or something.”

“Uh, I don’t know” you say quietly as you pick a tub of lipstick, gently bringing it up until it’s centimeters away from your lips when you stop.

You stare at yourself in the mirror for a few seconds until in the background of the mirror, you see Nicholas notice your hesitation.

At this point, he’s only wearing his boxer briefs when he stops dressing, “Hey what’s wrong?”

You turn around in your chair, “I can’t do this”

“What?” he scrunches his eyebrows, setting his pants down on the bed and walking up to you. He squats down in front of you as the tube of lipstick stays open in your hands.

He grabs the lipstick out of your hands and sets it on the table close by, “Hey, talk to me”

He rests his hands on your knees, stroking with his thumb as he waits for you to make eye contact.

“I can’t go tonight.” you say quietly as if you didn’t want him to hear it.

“Why?” his head tilts.

You finally look in his eyes before you speak up, “They’re gonna hate me” You were trying not to cry but your anxiety was getting the better of you and your eyes were watering up.

“Woah, woah, woah. Baby, there is no way anybody could hate you” he almost laughs like it’s a ridiculous thought.

“Why wouldn’t they?” you pout, “Nick, I’m not a size two and I just…I don’t know”

“So what you’re not a size two, you’re gorgeous. I don’t give a fuck and neither should you”

“That’s so easy for you to say, you’re built like a fucking God or something” you laugh.

He smiles, “there’s that smile”

His hand reaches up and swipes off the tear falling down your cheek before he speaks up again, “I love you”

You continue the eye contact as you respond, “I love you too”

“We’re going to do this together, alright? I’ll be with you the entire night, you don’t even need to let go of my hand.” he reassures you as he wipes a strand of hair out of your face.

You don’t respond but smile lightly in return and nod.

“Okay then. Let’s get ready, yeah?” he traces his thumb over your chin before he stands up. He grabs the tube of lipstick he had moved earlier and places it back in your hands.

You turn back around and take a deep breath while looking in the mirror before applying the deep red lipstick and finishing your makeup off quickly after that. 

When you’re done and stand up to grab your dress, Nicholas is now fully dressed and once again looking for that specific watch he wanted.

“Hold on” you say, grabbing his pair of jeans from the closet. He had worn them last week when he was here, just as he said with the watch. You feel in the pocket and find the watch, handing it to him.

He grabs your face with his hands and kisses you quickly, “mwah, thank you. I love you”. He then grabs it from your hands and puts it on as you pull out your dress and step into it.

It’s a floor length black satin cowl-neck dress with an open back. It was absolutely beautiful.

You had originally seen it in a shop window while shopping with Nicholas a few weeks ago but hadn’t bought it. Later that night, while you laid on the couch with your legs on top of Nicholas who was sitting, he mentioned finally doing an event together.

It wasn’t an absurd idea but you had laughed initially, thinking he was joking until he said, “and you can wear that black dress I saw you staring at today”. Not even twenty-four hours later, he had gone back to the store and bought it for you without a second thought.

He came back with the dress, folded neatly in a gift box and a small bouquet of flowers, “Let’s do this. I want to do this if you want to”

You’re brought back to the present when Nicholas walks up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder, “You are the most gorgeous person I have ever seen”

“Oh please” you shake your head protesting. You try to break his grasp and almost get away until he pulls you back in by grabbing your arm, this time your bodies touching face to face.

“I can’t wait to take that dress off you when we get back home” he smirks before leaning forward, your lips connecting with his.

The kiss starts slow and gentle but quickly heats up as your tongues dance, your hands in his hair, his arms around your waist, holding you as close as possible.

His hands make their way down to your ass before you break away from the kiss, laughing, “Hey, patience mister”

“Nah, you know what? Let’s just skip this thing and stay here” he smiles as he tries to kiss you again, obviously in a love trance.

“This was your idea” you point your finger, touching his chest, “besides, the anticipation makes it so much better”

You wink as your break away from his grasp and head over to the mirror to fix your hair and lipstick.

“You’re just a tease” he says as you walk up to him with a makeup wipe, wiping the lipstick stains from your lips and fixing his hair.

You throw away the makeup wipe and just stand there, realizing there was nothing else to do before leaving.

“You ready?” He asks gently, watching your every move.

You take a deep breath and look at him, “I think so”

He walks up and places your hair behind your ear, “we don’t have to if you don’t want to”

The two of you stare into each other eyes for what feels like forever before you respond, “ I want to.”

He smiles, showing his perfect white teeth, “that’s my girl, let’s go then”

He holds out his hand for you to take and leads you out of the bedroom before grabbing his car keys. Just before he opens the door to walk out he stops like he forgot something.

“What?” you ask, looking back at your apartment.

He grabs your cheek and turns it back to face him before he gives you a gentle, sensual kiss.

“Let’s do this” he says after he backs away, opening the door.

[sea-you-in-paradise]

Hi can I please get an Erwin x secret wife reader? Just a lot of fluff and how the scouts finds out that their commander is a married man. Thank you

homie... this is the cutest ask ever oh my god i'm fucking giggling over this and i'm not even an erwin girly

summary: erwin smith x secret wife reader: meeting, married life, and the discovery word count: 1.449 setting: canonverse features: erwin smith fem!reader warnings: season 2 & 3 spoilers

when erwin smith met you, not even his resolve to stay away from relationships could stop him from falling in love. and somewhat unfortunately, there was no stopping you from loving him back.

frankly, your relationship was the last thing erwin wanted. being a scout, the commander of the scouts nonetheless, meant that tomorrow was never promised. with the disproportionately slim chance of surviving his career until retirement, he had made a silent promise to stay away from love. of course, meeting you changed that in spite of his better judgement...

-it was shortly after erwin had been named the new commander of the scouts. after is appointment, he often went and got a beer at this small tavern in one of sina's outlier districts so he could try to organize his thoughts

-you were the one to approach him, asking if he was alright because he looked a little dejected. erwin, always hellbent on demonstrating his strength, overcompensated a little bit and exuded a little too much of his illusive confidence

-you laughed at him and told him that he acts like a politician

-it wasn't often that someone saw through him, he found it intriguing. you talked for awhile that nigh, expecting to go your separate ways, but you ran into him there a few more times, and when you did, you would sit together and talk. eventually, you organized some cafe dates on sunday mornings. you didn't actually know who he was until your fifth or sixth meeting, which was funny to you because he never thought to mention it, and funny to him because he thought you knew all along

-you made him realize that there was more to life than discovering the unknown- that there was a lot of value in what he already had. he made you think more about your existence in the walls. you challenged each other

-within a year of meeting, you were married. you decided that if you were determined to be in a relationship, it was best that you went all in since time might end up being short

-married life with erwin doesn't always feel like married life. there's a lot of being alone for both of you while he's away on missions or in other districts for planning and other administrative tasks

-he sends you letters if he's away for more than a week. they are not very emotional letters and they don't ever detail anything specific about people, just events. but he is sure to tell you about the things he thinks you would enjoy the most- like how he saw a sunset that reminded him of one you watched together early in your relationship

-he's the type to be like "i'm not a romantic, but.." and then write something really gushy lol

-when he gets home, he likes to bake those cookies that are shaped like flowers with jam in the middle. he has mastered his family recipe for them. he feels like it's a nice way to show you how much he still cares about you after being away from home for so long

-when you're together, he tries to be very present with you. he enjoys cooking meals together and playing card games

-his love language is acts of service so he really wants to make you feel at ease when he's home because he's sure it stresses you out a lot when he isn't. he ends up doing a lot around the house, even if nothing really needs to be done. like especially on longer stretches of being home, he would start home improvement projects if there was nothing to clean or help with. somehow, he always finishes them even if it's at the expense of a decent night's sleep

-he has a home office, but he does his best to only do work after you've gone to sleep/before you wake up if it's his day off (this man is always working :( even if he doesn't have a deadline)

-you don't usually go out on the town. it's exhausting travelling as much as he does, so he likes to feel like he has a real home base and spend a lot of time there

-definitely "lets" you win arguments, but he still thinks you're wrong lol

-he is a bath man. like he spends an unhealthy amount of time in the tub if he has the time for it. he likes salts that help with soreness and he likes when you take them together so you can just talk about your day

-if you were part of something like a book club/knitting group/something where other women get together and do granny activities, erwin loves when you host. he is making cocktails/tea and hanging out with you all to get the latest gossip. he doesn't like to interact with too many of his coworkers bc he doesn't want to get attached lmao, but he loves knowing the neighborhood tea

-"ingrid, waiting for him to come to his senses is a waste of your time. you deserve someone who respects you." (needless to say, everyone loves him.)

-because of stuff like this, you aren't exactly secretly married. like your family and friends all know that you are married to the scouts' commander, they just know better than to run their mouth about it. erwin just never talks about his personal life at work

-his section commanders all know, but they were all super shocked to find out. everyone would have been up late working on a plan or something and he finally tells them to go home. someone would have asked a last minute question and he's like, "tomorrow. i'm late for dinner." and hange is the only one bold enough to be like, "haha, you got a secret wife or something?" and he just raises a thick eyebrow like "my wife isn't a secret."

-everyone was shook and waited for him to leave to talk about it and try to figure out the lore

-levi found out later, awhile after he joined the scouts when he heard everyone gossiping about you two. he pretended he didn't care but the man was shocked

-you might meet a few section commanders/captains over the years by picking him up at work for a date or eating lunch with him in his office when he's in the capital, but the introduction is always brief and it's never long enough for you to get to know anyone

-any day that you plan to visit him at work, he calls miche into his office beforehand and tells him that he's not allowed to sniff you in the event that you meet

-when erwin loses his arm and levi finds out, he's obviously pissed that he couldn't have been there to help, but all he ends up saying at first is "sucks for the mrs."

-when erwin comes home for the first time after this, he almost feels embarrassed that he can't be doing things on his own, and terrible that he can't do things for you like usual. tbh, he'd ve kind of aloof at first bc mans is avoidant, so you'd have to show him that you're not throwing in the towel

-it's a massive moment of vulnerability for him when you help him out with things that used to be second nature, like buttoning his shirt and writing. however, he spends a lot of time at home while he's healing and although there are some moments of tension, you grow together a lot

-hange would offhandedly mention you at the beginning of the events of season 3, like half joking and half curious. "you think erwin's wife is gonna leave him? he lost an arm and now he's in prison. that's gotta test the ol' vows."

-levi would glare at them in utter disbelief like ?? "honestly, shitty glasses. where do you get the nerve?" and sasha and connie would overhear and look at each other and just go off the rails trying to piece it all together, like trying to figure out if they missed signs or smth

-levi squad uses this as a distraction from the horrors of humanity within the walls :D

-overall, erwin values you and your relationship above any other relationship he has. he wants to protect you from getting attached to his coworkers because it's bad enough that you fell in love in the first place. he considers your relationship the most selfish and self indulgent thing he's taken part in, but he can't bring himself to feel remorse because you're impossible not to love and he wants you waiting for him when he gets home

[aelinschild]

Season Of Forgiveness

Main Masterlist

Happy Holidays everyone!! I'm a little (Very, sorry!!) late with this post, but this is my gift for the 2023 Rowaelin Secret Santa! Big thank you to @rowaelinscourt for organizing it!! This is dedicated to the lovely @shyvioletcat , I wish you a very merry holiday season, and hopefully you enjoy this absolute monstrosity. I actually do not know what took over me during writing this, but I'm just happy its done.

SYNOPSIS: Holidays are known to be the season of joy, but when that joy is no longer Aelin's, she is forced to find peace in the unknown. WORDCOUNT: 9k GENERAL WARNINGS: Very light one bed trope, mentions of sex, angsty for no reason, swearing, alcohol, arguments, choking and CPR, happy ending dont worry

(A/N: After writing this, I realize it has the same vibe of calling Die Hard a Christmas movie. Granted, I actually didn't finish the movie, but from what I watched, how the fuck is it a Christmas movie?? This is me telling you that this fic is probably like that lol)

Hour One

Fuck.

There was really no other way to put it. Fuck is such a versatile word, situationally. Aelin can recount the times she's moaned out breathy fucks, and the times she's roared them during moronic altercations. 

This type of fuck? Certainly not the cathartic type. 

This fuck is the sum of all past mistakes in her life, multiplied by her best friend's scheming mind, and then raised to the power of the irrational choice to return to her old university town. 

On the queen-sized bed were two plush towels. A robe. Face cloths and minimal toiletries. 

Oh, and a fucking red rose. 

In Lysandra’s plush apartment – a classic Victorian style, with ivy creeping up the brick fireplace, and stained glass windows at odd intervals – she was the owner of three bedrooms. 

And to Aelin's luck, there happened to be two couples staying here this evening. Which meant two of the three bedrooms were now occupied. Mathematically speaking, the two other individuals would each need their own room. 

It seems that math slipped Lysandra's mind when she organized her little yearly anniversary Yulemas Eve dinner. How…pleasant.

Chest rising and falling with barely contained frustration, Aelin didn't know whether to yell or cry. Her hand held her overnight bag so tight her knuckles were pressing at the whites. Nails digging into supple skin. 

It didn't take a genius to figure out what Lysandra had done. But it took a lot of willpower for Aelin to not storm out of the room and choke her friend for the transgression. And just past the blood rushing in her ears, she could hear the friendly greetings of her other friends as they crossed the threshold of Lys’ little home. Welcomed into the warmth of tradition. 

Oh, I'm going to kill you, Lysandra. 

Aedion and Lys would – obviously – take their master bedroom. Located around a corner and at the end of that hall. Far from where Aelin was. A feature she was grateful for, given Aedion and Lysandra's… healthy love life. And Lorcan and Elide would slip into the downstairs spare room. The one the couple had claimed during the first year of this tradition. 

Leaving Aelin, in this spare room with a queen-sized bed and the bloody rose, to bed with Rowan. 

Oh, how she loathed her life at this moment. What foul god had she angered to be punished this way. Maybe that same god would derail Rowan’s cab en route. Shucking it into a frozen lake, or something of the like. 

Gently brushing over the towels, Aelin traced the other memories this room held. 

The queen-sized bed hardly fit her and Rowan, that she knew from experience. His height alone ruined the tucked edges of their duvet, which always ended up on his side of the bed by morning. The pillows would have to be mushed together in the middle so that they would not fall off. And Rowan, he at night would roll around. Restless, even in the deepest hours. He would usually end up on top of Aelin, face along her breasts and hair tickling her chin. 

Her fingers moved from the towel to the rose. Plucking it up, she held it at eye level. Studying the contours of the flower, it was beautiful. But Aelin couldn't get past the fact that Lysandra had set this up. And put a godsdamned rose on the towels. 

Aelin might just take the couch. 

The front door opened and closed again, voices rose up from the entry through the open bedroom door. Aelin began unpacking mechanically. The drawers where she set her clothes were the same as she had for the last decade. The dent on the wall by the left corner was also the same. Seems like Aedion never got around to patching it. Aelin chuckles under her breath, the talking-to she and Rowan had received after denting the wall from a vigorous…activity, would never fail to not make her laugh. 

Once the unpacking was complete, only taking a few moments as Aelin wouldn't be staying longer than the night, she took a moment to sit on her side of the bed and breathe. 

This would be disastrous. And she had no way of getting out. Unless she jumped from the window to her left. 

A decade ago, Aelin and Rowan had met through their friends. Their family. Aedion had bridged the gap by dating her best friend, Lysandra. Their quickly evolving and fiery romance meant that there would no longer be Aelin-Elide-Lys days. Now, they included the Ashryver cousin. Lorcan and Rowan had been over Aedion’s lovesick puppy act and had forcibly inserted themselves into the group. As her cousin rarely left Lysandra's side anymore. 

This meant that Aelin and Elide were left to deal with two grumpy college guys. It was like babysitting rocks, who could probably show more emotion than the lot of them. But somehow, somewhere along the line, Elide fell for Lorcan. And when Aelin was forced to watch another friend fall in love, she turned to the only bastard left. 

But Aelin and Rowan had always been…different. Difficult entirely. It started as sex. Each of them too busy with their respective degrees to foster any more of a connection. 

It worked, and it worked well. 

For two years, Aelin was exclusive with Rowan Whitethorn without anyone knowing the depth of their friendship. To her girlfriends, he was the hot guy whom Aelin should really give a chance. To his boys, she was the girl who could obviously help blow off a little steam. 

Time stretched out, and steadiness had replaced the need for romantic connection. Post graduation, Rowan and her barely crossed paths anymore, unless the entire group got together. But there still existed an attachment built during years of intimacy – which Aelin never voiced, not wanting to ruin the entire affair by breaking the principle rule of their arrangement. And due to that principle, Rowan had also never expressed any interest above surface-level desire. 

She had been left in the dark of his feelings for her, just as she had left him in the dark of hers. They were two polar magnets, separated only by the fear of shattering the fragile closeness built from tentative familiarity. Neither were any good at subtly hinting at something. 

When the parallel lines of their lives crossed, ever-diligent Rowan proposed something rather different. Unpredictable.

He offered a relationship. 

Looking back, it was hilariously clinical. It wouldn't surprise her if he had stored papers in her bag with a list of what their relationship could entail. Numbered – or alphabetically ordered. Probably about who did what and when hand-holding was allowed. Such a stickler for the rules.

But Rowan had shocked Aelin that night. When she had said yes, fuck it let's give it a chance, and they had gone back to his apartment, there was a bouquet of fragrant red roses placed on the counter. A box of her favourite chocolates beside it. Things she had mentioned in passing, probably after a hook-up. Maybe during a romantic comedy that they would often watch together. Where she’d point out the little things men can do that show a deeper appreciation. 

They had cracked open a bottle of wine, and talked for hours under the stars and above the rushing traffic. And it was like peeling back a layer, revealing this steadfast and romantic man. The one who had refiled her glass more than once. Used his hand to cover sharp edges when she leaned around after a few too many drinks. Who had carried her to bed, gently unclasping her stiletto heels and massaging the tired soles of her feet. Who had carefully removed the maxi dress she wore, hanging it up to prevent creases. Then, with permission, undressed her further. 

That night hadn't been like before. Aelin wasn't sure she had ever felt that way. Not a blinding, stretching heat or an all-consuming pressure. No, rather a connection. When Rowan had caressed her like a piece of art, she felt revered. Holy. Her skin had tingled with the unfamiliar feeling of adoration. 

Breathless whispers and tight holds had conveyed words that were far too new to speak aloud. 

That night had been the beginning of a long-standing understanding. The two of them weren't open about their connection. Rather, it was a pleasant slice of life, cut out to fit the shape of two lovers who aimed to navigate the crossroads of their future. And for years they existed peacefully in the space they had made for each other. 

Until they couldn't anymore. 

The door creaked open, its hinges never oiled. Lysandra was allergic to a chemical in WD-40. 

A whoosh of breath came from the entrance, and Aelin’s spine felt the all too familiar tingle of the presence of the man she had loved. 

“Aelin,” came the voice, like gravel smoothed by arctic winds. There always existed some sort of unrest under Rowan’s skin. It could be heard in his voice, worn from use. Had she still been his, she would have made him a cup of tea. Extra honey. As he liked. 

Humming out a noise of acknowledgement, Aelin turned slightly. Cheeks starting to heat. “Hello, Rowan.” She said, breathlessly. 

She watched his throat work. He had gotten leaner since she last saw him. His eyes less bright. Cheeks sunken. His unachievable tan had faded. 

He was still the beautiful boy–man, she had always known. Pleasure and pain united, each moment in his presence stole some of her oxygen. She loved him. Loved. 

A shrill squeak this time, and a crafty brunette head popped into the doorway. “Ah! Okay! Guess, how many candies are in this jar!” Lysandra asked the both of them. Their moment shattering and instead opening up to accept another's presence. Lysandra was holding a large mason jar filled with red and white peppermint swirl candies. 

“Uh,” Rowan scratched the back of his neck. “Two hundred?” Lysandra just snorted and then turned to Aelin. 

Aelin studied the jar, fighting to not break out into goosebumps with the feeling of Rowan’s eyes on her. “One hundred…and… forty-three–no! Twenty!”

“Final answer?” Lysandra taunted. 

“Yes.”

“Wrong.” She cackled. Turning away and hightailing it down the hall, laughing like she was possessed. “Come downstairs, you losers!”

Hour Two

Aelin had left with no word to Rowan. She couldn't bear it. The wound still so fresh. Instead, she had sauntered by and shut the door gently on her way out. Missing the pleading look in his eyes as she walked away. 

“Ae!” Elide shouted at her approach. Aelin couldn't help but smile. As awful as the next eleven hours may be, Aelin was grateful she had her best friends by her side. Lysandra's still on thin ice. 

“El! Look at you!” Aelin grabbed a hold of her friend's hand, letting her do a little twirl. The sequined skirt she had on fanned out around her. Reflecting the lights in the room across the walls. “You like our own little mirrorball.”

Elide just let out a soft laugh. Grinning. “Gotta get the party started somehow.” She said. Stepping back she put her arms on Aelin's elbow, holding tight. She made a show of looking around the room, and upon it being clear, Elide looked her right in the eyes. “I'm sorry.” 

“For what,” Aelin asked, perplexed. 

She gave her a pointed look. “I tried to explain to Lys that she wasn't being fair. It's not fair. I offered to get a hotel room for me and Lorcan, but you know how Aedion is about traditions.” She rolled her eyes. “I realize that this isn't… you know. This was not on the healing plan–”

“Maybe, El, just being with my best friends could be healing. Maybe we switch the healing plan around for a little.” She said softly, speaking from a place of honesty. 

Elide’s eyes were misty, and Aelin had to look away. This was a hurt that was deeper than her. 

She took a breath, “Okay. But–no I'm serious. Don't look away. If you need anything, anything at all, I'm here. And we can have a little girl meeting with Lys after we put the boys to bed.” She gave a choked laugh. 

Aelin nodded. An understanding passing through them both. Everyone knew that tension would be high this evening. Aelin herself knew it would be brutal. Facing her ex at Lys’ annual Yulemas Eve Dinner, a tradition shrouded in love and comfort. But she was eternally grateful for Elide – and Lysandra, but maybe not currently. How she found such caring women would never fail to surprise her. 

Elide nodded back, smile and eyes watery. They both let out laughs. This solidarity was something Aelin needed more than she knew. 

“Okay, no more tears.” Aelin sniffed, disconnecting their hand-elbow position to wipe at her waterline. Elide laughed and did the same; laughing at the growing pains. Embracing and squeezing love into each other. 

Hour Three

They had all moved to the living room. It was three o'clock, and the festivities would run until midnight. 

This tradition of theirs started years ago, when Lysandra had been given this apartment by her uncle, conveniently on Yulemas Eve. As a group of broke college students, they had gotten together at noon at Lys’ new abode, flocking towards the offer of free food and drinks. But, they had spent the next twelve hours renovating, each of them finding different tasks every hour to keep the boredom away. At midnight, the promised food had been delivered and all of them had pigged out and slept on the worn carpet of the living room, full of holiday spirit. 

That tradition continued on, and it proved to be extremely helpful in the days when family ties were harder to save than simply forget. When the lonesomeness of the holidays overtook the youths, twelve hours at Lysandra and Aedion's home would never fail to rekindle that merriment. 

And so, for the past decade, everyone would arrive at noon, and each hour would be filled with something new; usually holiday-themed, but it was truly left to Aelin’s best friend’s imagination. 

So at hour three, the group found themselves in the living room, sipping on sparkling wine and snacking on appetizers. This would – apparently – be the hour of catching up. 

“... And so I told him, if he wanted a maid he could hire one. I mean, the man is rolling in money. What fucking scumbag hires someone, and then lets them play servant for the rest of the office, and then drops all his work on them? I mean, truly.” Elide was saying. Aelin was nodding along, enjoying the fresh gossip about her best friend's workplace. “But then he got all on his high horse, all you can't talk to me like that and I'm your superior, you know. Stupid bullshit.”

“So what did you do?” Lysandra asked, thoroughly enthralled by the story. Lorcan let out a hearty chuckle, his arm slung across Elide lovingly. 

“I fucking stole the glass plate from his microwave. Then took all the ink cartridges from his pens. And all the extra toilet paper in his washroom? Not there anymore!” Aelin snorted out her bubbly wine. Lysandra was racked with giggles, and Lorcan was trying not to laugh out loud. Aedion’s cackle joined the fray. And like she always would, Aelin picked up on Rowan's breathy laugh, it ignited flames through her veins. 

“Oh my gods, El. You absolute heathen,” Aedion got out through fits of laughter. Lysandra attempted deep breaths while wiping stray tears from the corners of her eyes. Aelin stared into her drink, suppressing giggles. 

“Well, it's not like he didn't deserve it,” Elide added, smiling smugly. Lorcan just kissed her temple. 

“Certainly not. Where’d you get those ideas though?” Leaning for a piece of cheese, Aelin asked. Grabbing a few pieces and rolling them around in her palm. Lysandra’s giggles were waving in and out, each time Aedion whispered something in her ear, they’d begin again. 

“My gigantic brain.” Elide snorted, pleased at her joke. 

“Nice, El.” Came from Rowan. 

“See, I thought you'd crucify me for that. Mister straight and narrow.” Oh.

Rowan didn't falter, “No, actually, if anything that gives me ideas.” He said. “Sometimes the corporate world can be a little too uptight.” He glanced at Aelin. 

Aedion laughed again. “Rich! That’s rich coming from you.” He taunted.

Rowan leaned into the jest. “Maybe I want to break free.”

“Uptight life not suiting you anymore, Boyo?” Came from Lorcan. 

“Maybe.” Rowan shrugged. “Maybe life is worth a little more than corporate deviances.” He pulled at the seams of his shirt. Fingers twirling the stem of his sparkling wine. 

Aelin didn't think anyone else had noticed the stall in the conversation. The way the bright energy slowed and sputtered. Pausing momentarily and applying enough pressure to Aelin’s soul that she felt winded. But everyone moved on, Rowan included. Laughing and sharing stories as they might. 

The conversation didn't end, and Aelin’s buried sorrow didn't dissipate. But she would keep breathing. Keep moving forward, exchanging banter all in the hopes of drawing out the sound of her heart breaking slowly. 

“By the way, Lys, how many candies were in the jar?”

“None. It was the paper decoration that it came with from the store.”

Hour Four

It was cocktail hour. 

This was Aelin’s favourite tradition. One she actually prepared for. And it consisted of each of them having to make a holiday-themed cocktail, completely customized. There could be no research during the competition – before was a grey area Aelin loved to exploit – and they each had ten minutes. 

The order would follow; Lorcan, Lysandra, Elide, Aedion, Rowan, Aelin. And so, a silver tray had been placed in the middle of the table, and six yellowy drinks in champagne flutes sat. The colour was truly horrifying. 

“So, explain.” Lysadra motioned to start. 

“Right,” Lorcan grabbed a flute, examining it carefully. Like he didn't even know what was in it himself. “So, this…drink–”

“Sound a little more enthusiastic babe, or I'll be really worried about what you made.” Elide interrupted. 

“I'm already worried,” Rowan whispered to Aedion, face set in a perplexed grimace. 

“Hush, you goons.” He waved at the other guys. They broke apart laughing. “In here there is…Gin, uh, some Limoncello and creme de Banane. And I call it the…uh, I don't know. Yellow shot?”

“...of death,” Aelin whispered to Lysandra. Who nodded solemnly. Elide looked disgusted at her fiance’s creation, but schooled it into a look of pride when he turned to her. The moment he looked away, she made a fake gagging motion to Aelin and Lysandra. 

“Sounds wonderful, my dear Lorcan. Now, my great sir, would you please bring me my beverage.” Aedion declared, hands aiming to move in a dignified manner. He looked like he was trying to swat away flies. 

“No.”

“It was worth a shot,” He sighed, reaching for a drink. 

Aelin grabbed a flute, “Limoncello and Gin, what the hell were you aiming for here Lorcan?” She delicately sniffed at the drink. Oh god.

Plopping himself nearly onto Elide, who let out a squeak, he just shrugged. Grabbing his flute, he threw it back in one fluid motion. Everyone paused, waiting for the reaction. He swallowed, looked around, and then quickly turned away to gag and cough. 

Laughter erupted. 

Once everyone had a glass, clinking them together in cheers, and shot it down like Lorcan. He watched from on the couch, eyes a little watery. There was a pause as everyone swished the drink around in their mouth, tasting the flavour. 

It was fucking godsawful. Aelin had never tasted anything so evil. The hint of banana flavour nearly had her spitting the drink back into the glass, and the way the Gin nearly curdled it was almost worse. Taking a deep breath through her nose, she tried to swallow. Forcing the atrocity that was Lorcan’s drink down. Catching Elide’s eye, as the woman got up and ran for the washroom. Lysandra was the only one who seemed unbothered. 

“Fuck!” Aedion shouted when he could speak again. “Holy gods man, I have never put anything worse into my mouth. Ever.” 

“And that's saying somethin',” Rowan choked out. Also beyond bothered by Lorcan’s monstrosity. 

“You evil, evil man,” Aelin added. A shudder racking her body.

-

The cocktail hour carried on. Lysandra had made a mojito with cinnamon rather than mint, and it was not nearly as bad as Lorcan’s. Elide had done a ‘Sunrise Suprise’, which was simply tequila and orange juice. The ability to make a good cocktail skipped both Elide and Lorcan. Aedion had wanted to send everyone to their death, combining four different whiskeys and a melted spoonful of ice cream. It hadn't been as bad as expected, but there were much better choices out there. Rowan had mixed pickle juice and vodka, to create a dill martini. Interestingly enough, that had been the most palatable drink of the night. 

When Aelin’s turn came around, she began to pull out the individual ingredients. Lining them up in the order in which she would mix. Her focus on the drinks made her unaware that another body was present in the kitchen. Until they spoke up. 

“You look well,” Rowan said from the opposite end of the room, his body leaning up against the cabinets. Jumping at the sudden sound of his voice, her head snapped up. There he was, cataloguing her every move, a familiar feeling; his eyes on her. 

Startled, she stared at him. And kept staring at him, not realizing she had been ogling him for a few moments. She took in the lines of his body, the way his dress pants hugged his legs. The black leather belt, cinching in his waist. The sweater – cashmere, most likely – was elegantly draped over his upper body. The hard planes of his stomach were slightly in sight as the soft material moulded to his form. Everything about Rowan meant something. And looking at him only brought back bitter-sweet memories. Her gaze snapped away when he gave a light noise of acknowledgement. 

Blushing and caught, Aelin turned back to the drinks, cracking open the bottle of vodka she had slipped mint candies in a few weeks ago. She planned to let the flavours permeate the liquor and add a nice flair to her drinks. She felt Rowan’s inquisitive eyes on her every move. 

“Thank you, Rowan.” Acknowledging him, she hoped he would just walk away. She wasn't strong enough to just stand here and allow him to be there. To feel the gaping divide between their beings. 

Silence. 

“I– Look, I need to talk to you Aelin,” He approached from the other side of the room, slipping around the counter where she was. “I know it’s not the best–”

“Rowan.” A firm command, all blushed drained. She could be strong. She could. She was back to looking at him again. Green eyes, full lips, strong jaw. The silver strands that ghosted his brow. Gods she hated how looking at him hurt her so deeply. His smile, and laughter, earlier had been the knife to the gut. His presence here now? A twisting. 

“No, Aelin. I'm serious.”

“I am too.” 

“Wait.” He breathed. Gentler this time. His hand stretched out, muscle memory. She knew it would land at the curve of her waist, how the weight of it would ground her. The warmth would slip under the fabric of her dress, warming her bones. 

He retracted it before it got close enough, burning the neuron pathway that made the movement instinctual. 

She steadied herself, leaning towards him slightly, but not enough to communicate any more interest in where this was going. “Not now, Rowan. Not now. You had your chance, let me be.” 

“What chance? The fucking run-in at a cafe? That was not a ‘chance’ Aelin.” He snapped. Letting his frustration run into his tone. She hated him when he was like this. Not frustrated, no she understood that. But…seeking. She knew what he wanted, and she knew it would break her down quicker than she could turn away. Her sanity rested on the finalization of this conversation. 

Smiling politely, in a way she knew brought more frustration, she turned away and began preparing the drink. 

“Not now,” She whispered. More to herself, a silent prayer of resistance. She heard more than saw Rowan turn to walk away, over the entire conversation entirely. He missed the tear that raced down her cheek, or the hitch in her breath when the door swung close. 

-

“Peppermint Cocktails!” Aelin announced, waltzing into the room with her usual charm, all emotions wiped. She avoided Rowan’s look like the plague. Offering a drink to each friend, she was pleased to hear that her concoction was the best of the night – an unsurprising win – and the group sat around talking still. The light buzz from all the alcohol had Aelin feeling looser. The unease from moments ago slipped away like sand between her fingers. 

“I saw Rowan walk into the kitchen,” Elide whispered into her ear. Everyone else had been looking at a picture on Lorcan's phone. 

“Mhm.” 

“Want to talk about it?” 

“No.”

Hour Five

Rowan likes the cold. 

He liked it in a way many others didn't. He liked the way it nipped at his body slowly in the beginning, a feeling that was urgently chased away by shivers. He liked it when it froze deeper. When it slowly crawled into the heat of his body, dousing it and cutting off feeling. He liked the stiffness. The slowed movement as the cold reached his core, seizing feeling. It isolated him in a way many things did not. 

Sitting on the front porch of Lysandra’s apartment, he embraced the cold. 

Everyone had just finished up with a game of cards, and Aedion had rushed out, forgetting some ingredients for dinner. He had excused himself, just need a moment, and walked all of three steps before stopping. Allowing his body to freeze, his cashmere sweater not saving much heat. 

As he lost feeling of some body parts, he embraced the thoughts rushing through his mind, all seemingly racing in circles around the fiery blonde. The one whose embers never burnt out, but now seemed to be slowly dying. The consistent crackle and warmth of her presence, all leaking away in a manner he knew he was responsible for. 

The cold he had embraced wholeheartedly was killing his fireheart. 

His thoughts spun like the twirling snowflakes as they fell to the ground. Circling gently, melting away. But all things seemed to lead him back to his bedroom. To the moment this morning, before he had slipped away into the cab to make it here tonight. His thoughts brought him to the second drawer in his nightstand, underneath a notepad and tissues. In an embroidered box, sat a diamond ring, inlaid into a gold band that had sweeping leaf designs along its curves. Two emeralds set into the inside, to rub against one's finger. 

All thoughts seemed to lead him back to Aelin

Hour Six, Hour Seven, Hour Eight

“Can you pass me the salt?” Lysandra called from Aelin's right. She was before the stove, stirring the gravy and watching the vegetables as they cooked in the pan. 

Handing her the salt, Aelin brushed by her to grab some butter from the fridge. Needing it for the bread that would be coming out of the oven soon, steaming hot. 

They worked in a comfortable silence, only waiting for Aedion to return with some forgotten ingredients. Lorcan, Elide, and Rowan were all in the living room, having not been drawn for cooking duty this year. A method that was quickly taken up once the group realized six people in the kitchen was less of a pleasant experience. Top many bossy chefs. 

Post-cocktail hour, tipsy cards had commenced. And the many, many, shots of straight liquor had reached Aelin by that time. She was feeling much better, her heart no longer aching and screaming at her mind to just look at the man across from her. Rather, she had enthusiastically played cards. Letting the feeling of her family around her and the laughter that kept escaping cocoon her. Unfortunately, that joy had meant that Lorcan had swept everyone off their asses, wiping the board clean and winning the one hundred and twenty dollars put into the pot. That had sobered her up pretty quickly, arguing that he had cheated. He had just smirked. 

Then when Aedion rushed out, Aelin caught sight of Rowan walking out the front door too. She had been standing at the other end of the hallway, out of his view. She had watched his expression fall as soon as he crossed the threshold. It was like night and day, the crinkle around his eyes and the brightness of his smile, wiped away. He just stepped out, closing the door softly behind him. 

She had waited a moment, arguing mentally if she should go after him, until Lysandra had called, telling Aelin she needed her help. 

She wasn't ready to face him alone.

“Aelin,” A soft hand was at Aelin's wrist, pausing her chopping of vegetables. She glanced up, shocked out of her reverie. Lysandra was staring at her, looking deeply into her, her brows pulled together in confusion. She must've been calling me for a minute. When it seemed Lysandra had the other woman’s attention, she added softly, “I couldn't not invite one of you.” 

Dropping the knife, “Lys.” Aelin pleaded, not wanting to have this conversation. It felt like the entire night had been her running in circles around her and Rowan. Her and Rowan. Rowan and I. “Seriously, I can't do more of this.” 

Lysandra paid no mind to Aelin’s plea, pushing forward. “Listen. I love you deeply, very very deeply. Sometimes I wonder why,” at that, Aelin cracked a mirthful smile. “But I see the way you two look at each other. And while I know it's not my business, I think this is something you two seriously need to talk out.” She said solemnly. 

This was the point she'd been dancing around for such a long time. 

Pushing the cutting board away from her, Aelin slumped into her arms, leaning against the counter. 

“Did I make a mistake? Breaking up with him?” Like a breath after being underwater, Aelin let it out, asking the question that had rattled in the back of her mind for months. Breathing in a little deeper when some new space opened up because of it. 

“I have my own opinions, but whether or not you made a mistake is up to you.” Lysandra was soothingly rubbing her back. 

“Some days it feels like the biggest fucking mistake I've ever made, Lys. Some days it hurts so much I can't even get out of bed.” 

She hummed, letting Aelin speak. 

“I just– it felt right at the time. But it doesn't feel right now. How is that fair? How could I have made a decision like that? What would have happened if I stayed?”

“You wouldn't have done well, Ae. We all saw what was happening.”

“But you can't know that.” She whispered out. 

“I can, and I did. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is let go. And that's what you did, my love. Maybe something could have gotten better, but maybe not.” Lysandra took a deep breath. “I'm proud of you regardless, that's not an easy choice to make.”

“And it clearly wasn't the fucking right one.” 

Lysandra's hand stopped, she grabbed onto Aelin's shoulder, squeezing firmly. 

“You can say that all you want, Aelin, but ultimately it was the right choice for you at the time. You blossomed. But now? Maybe it's different. And maybe every time I see you two lovesick fools in the same room, I am simultaneously sick and overjoyed. I see his face when he looks at you Ae, like you hung the stars.”

“What's this? Therapy hour?” A loud voice broke apart their moment, jerking both women out of their moment. It was Aedion with the groceries. He was smiling widely, but it fell when he took in the expression of the other women. “Oh. Shit, sorry.”

Aelin just groaned. “And look at me now, ruining the festivities.” Watching Aedion's smile drop was just a reminder of the emotional burden she forgot to check at the door. Bringing that cloud of gloom inside. It was not fair to everyone else, they didn't deserve to bear witness to the sorrow leaking from her. 

“You're not ruining anything, Aelin. Aedion, stop being an idiot.” Lysandra amended. 

Aedion, clearly understanding the situation now, came over to drop the groceries on the counter and pull his cousin into a tight hug. “Lys is right. You have nothing to be sorry for. We all love you lots and want to see you happy, and if drinking shitty cocktails and spilling your gossip helps you feel better, I'll gladly do it alongside you.” He kissed her temple. 

Aelin wanted to break down. This was not how she expected to spend this evening. Granted, she has predicted being in the same vicinity as Rowan would test her. Bring those choked feelings up to the surface. It would hurt just as it had when they split, as there was truly no way to prepare for seeing him again after months of no contact. Months of isolation and heartache. Months without the half that made her whole. 

“Lys, baby, is the gravy supposed to bubble like that?”

“Shit!” Exclaiming, Lysandra rushed away from Aelin's side to check on her portion of dinner. Leaving Aelin, still bent over the counter, staring at the herbs she’d have to chop to sprinkle over the potatoes. 

She felt a gentle shoulder push against her side, and then her cousin was beside her, close enough she could feel the warmth radiating off his huge form. “Your parents would be so proud of you, Ae. No matter what. And I think you should do what you feel is best. Even if that's walking away. I love you, we love you.” Mumbling into her ears, lower than anyone else could hear. Aelin nodded, brushing the moisture away from her face. 

“I love you too, Aedion.”

-

“Cheers to this year!”

Glasses chimed as they clinked together, bubbly wine spilling over, onto the feast laid up on the table. Decadent smells wafted up, making Aelin's stomach rumble. She was ready to dig into the spread, and let the food smother the churning anxiety in her stomach. 

She was seated next to Elide, and Aedion on her other side. Everyone else was spread around the round table – Lysandra hated the idea of a square table. Not wanting any fighting over the head of it. 

Aelin had spoken to Lysandra and Aedion for a few minutes more, opening up a little about how she had been feeling. It took some pushing, given her displeasure at possibly ruining everyone's evening with her issues, but the couple had assured her that it wasn't possible. Highly doubtful of that. But it had been…cathartic, to really speak about how she had felt. How she was dealing with her wounded heart. It meant more than Aelin would realize at the moment, for the two of them to give her a little perspective. 

Then, once the timer for the roast had gone off, and the main part of dinner had been pulled out of the oven, it was dressed up in the herbs Aelin had finally finished chopping – after getting a few more hugs in from both Lys and Aedion. Lys and her had started dishing up the plates and Aedion set off to cut some of the roast. Lorcan and Rowan had joined to set the table. And Elide had popped some bottles of prosecco, pouring glasses for everyone. 

Seated now, in front of a plate of aromatic food, a balm for the soul, she felt the urge to voice her appreciation. “So,” she started, drawing attention from everyone, especially Rowan. “I- I wanted to say thank you. To all of you. I think… that because of the lives we live today, I really don't have the opportunity to look at all of you and say that. To be able to sit around with each of you means more than anything, and I can't imagine being anywhere else right now. It wouldn't feel right.” 

“Cheers to that,” Lorcan added, a slight smile aimed in Aelin’s direction. If that wasn't the definition of a Yulemas miracle, she didn't know what else could be.

Glancing around the table, the circle of the most important people in her life, her eyes stalled upon Rowan. She meant what she said, meant every piece of it. She loved all of them. Grumpy Lorcan, meddling Lysandra. But gods, she loved Rowan, and she lied to herself every day when he was no longer a warm presence next to her. His side of the bed uncharacteristically cold. The feeling of it cooling her. 

She hadn't noticed the change in the environment, her focus being locked on Rowan. Their eyes connected, as if reading each other's minds. A choked wheezing noise almost drew her away, but she couldn't. Not when she was swimming in him, not when–

SLAM

“Elide!” A shrill scream. Ripping Aelin away, she was met with a panicked Lysandra, and a horrified Lorcan. 

Elide was facedown on the table, and amid chaos, Aelin noticed her chest was not rising and falling as it should. Shouts ensued, voices yelling about get her up and call an ambulance. What had happened in the seconds Aelin wasn't present. How could this have happened that quickly? What was happening! 

“She can't breathe!”

“Start CPR. Now!”

“Has someone called an ambulance?” 

What is going on!

Lorcan had gently laid Elide on the floor. He had his finger down her throat. His face was panicked, but he was hiding it well, focusing on Elide. Chairs were shoved back, and Lysandra was rushing away, Aedion was on the phone, Rowan was getting on his knees by Elide. They were saying something to each other. Rowan pushed Lorcan away. Lorcan fought back before he realized what was happening. Rowan placed his hands by Elide’s middle, his fingers laced together. She looked so frail there, on the floor. 

Rowan started pushing down, one two three four. One two three four. Onetwothreefouronetwothreefour– What is happening!

Aelin was frozen. Frozen in fear, in disbelief, in shock. How. That's all that was going through her mind. How. It had been going so well, how could one moment lead to this? To Elide, down on the floor, not breathing as her fiance shouted panic commands at Rowan. Equally freaked out. To Aedion, shouting instructions from paramedics. Two minutes away! To Lysandra, distraught, not knowing what to do. To Aelin, standing as her best friend couldn't breathe. 

Lorcan leaned down, his ear by Elide's mouth. His hand on her neck, searching. Rowan paused, breathing heavily. 

Aelin thought she knew what it was to feel her heartbreak, to feel it shatter. But she had never felt it as it fell. Dropped straight out of her chest when Lorcan looked up, eyes wide as saucers, pupils fully dilated. As he looked at Rowan and a lone tear slipped from his eye, dropping down, down, down. Down to where Elide was not breathing. 

Hour …

Seated in the emergency ward of the local hospital, Aelin listened to a dull Lorcan list off what had happened. She had choked. She had something lodged in her throat for so long that she passed out. It got lodged deeper. She has two broken ribs. It's not your fault Rowan. You saved her life. She had an endoscopic surgery. To remove the food. She’ll need to stay for the night. Observation. 

Struck by disbelief, Aelin couldn't do anything more than trace the lines on the floor. Her hands shook, a later symptom of the shock that had paralyzed Aelin in the moment of action. As Elide was carried out to the ambulance –still not breathing – she had only stood there. Rooted to place. Snapping out of it only when Rowan said he was going to follow them to the hospital. Aelin hadn't even said anything, snapping out of her state and running to the door to grab her boots and jump into whatever car Rowan would be taking. 

Only she and Rowan were at the hospital, alongside Lorcan. Aedion had made the executive decision for Lys and him to stay back. Lys had been hysterical, shouting, but shaking just as Aelin was now. She hadn't thought of them once, only what might happen to Elide. To her lovely Elide. 

“But she’ll be okay?” Rowan whispered. Agony weaved into his question. He felt guilty, this Aelin knew. Even if he had saved a life, he felt guilty he had hurt someone. She could scream. 

Aelin didn't hear an answer, assuming that Lorcan had nodded when Rowan let out a great sigh. Cut short by the sob that burst out. Lorcan was there in an instant, wrapping his brother up in a tight hug. She palmed her thighs, squeezing so tightly. 

Eventually, Lorcan released Rowan. The both of them were slightly breathless. Eyes red and sad. Lorcan said he was going to check on Elide, and Rowan sat down next to her. For a few quiet moments, no words were exchanged. A too-real grief hung heavy in the air. They almost lost someone, and now here they were, waiting for Elide to be here again. Because she almost wasn't. She was so close to not being here anymore. 

Standing up abruptly, “I- I have to go.” Aelin walked off, not waiting for an answer from Rowan. She was walking quickly through the halls, adrenaline coursing through her so quickly she could barely breathe. And then her breath was coming too quickly. And then she was running, running for the exit. And in her haste, she didn't hear the other feet running after her. 

All she could hear was her breath. Elide’s lack of. 

She slammed through the front doors, flat-out sprinting now. She had no idea where to go, and it was snowing hard. The wind whipped at her dress-clad form – she hadn't grabbed her jacket. But she kept running. Tripping up on ice, pelted by the rising blizzard. She had no idea where she was, but the blood rushing in her ears, and her hyperventilating had her in a dizzying state. 

“AELIN!” A voice roared. She couldn't tell where the sound was coming from, completely surrounded by falling snow, as it blocked out the light. Spinning wildly, she could feel the tears as they rushed down her face, freezing on her cheeks. 

She was panting, barely in control, when Rowan came from her side, nearly slamming into her and knocking them both over. He was breathing heavily too. His hair was out of place and his eyes were wild. 

“What were you thinking!” He yelled, grabbing onto her. “You can't fucking run like that! Aelin! What the fuck!” His tone kept increasing. His chest rose and fell rapidly. Unlike Elide. No movement, no breaths. No breaths, no breath, not breathi- 

“Aelin! AELIN! Look at me!” 

Her eyes were wild, nails pressing into Rowan’s biceps as she held onto him for dear life. Where was she, where was she, wherewasshe…

A chilled hand grabbed her chin, pulling her – not roughly – to look into Rowan’s frantic gaze. Her breathing wasn't slowing, and Rowan’s gaze was unbreakable. He was whispering something, his lips moving. Aelin watched as they moved, shifting up, down. The corners of his mouth pinching. Another hand came up, and her face was now being cradled between Rowan’s large hands. And she saw his lips still moving, and then the crease in his brow, the worry dancing in his eyes. And then she was pressed against his warm chest. 

Her head was against his heart. The thump-thump a grounding. She felt her breathing start to ease, felt arms tighten around her. Felt as she leaned further into Rowan. The tears falling faster now, but her breaths slowing enough that her brain could finally catch up. To where she was. Where she was, here in Rowan’s arms. In Rowan’s ar–

“No!’ She shouted shoving away from him, breaking the cage that was his grasp. “No! No, no, no!” 

Rowan just let his arms drop, hanging by his sides. His expression was one of worry, and confusion. Frustration and dismay. “What?” He said. His voice carried through the snowstorm. 

“Dont– Dont do that!” Aelin sobbed out, hands going to her hair. Pulling at the roots and turning around aimlessly. 

“Do what.” His hands clenched. His worry wiped away, a vexed expression appearing instead. 

“Do that! Care for me! Stop!” She kept shouting, the snow thoroughly soaking her now. The chill seeping into her bones.

“Care for you? What?” He shouted back. “What the fuck do you mean Aelin!”

“I mean, don't come r-rushing after me! Don't fucking p-pretend you care!” 

“Pretend I care?!” He took a step forward, she took one back. An undecipherable look crossed his face, before it was set back into a frown. His shoulders lined with tension, and fists opening and closing around nothing. “Aelin, what do you mean?”

“You don't care. S-so don't c-come running after m-me like you do!” The chills were shaking her body now, and she wrapped her arms around herself as tightly as possible, trying to keep in body heat. The storm was getting worse. Rowan’s image was getting blurrier, maybe it was her tears, still flowing freely. Along with her nose. 

“What… Aelin– I,” His hand went to his hair, raking through the soaked strands before pulling. “I chased after you because you fucking ran away hyperventilating! Out of a hospital! Into a fucking blizzard! What do you think I’d do? Sit there like an idiot and let you freeze to death or get hit by a car?!” 

“It doesn-”

“Yes it does! Yes, it fucking does!”

“Why!” She screamed, shaking and watching as Rowan stepped forward. This time she didn't step back. 

“Aelin.” He said, this time it was more of a command, a telling. “Are you asking me why I’d come for you?”

She considered it for a second, then nodded. 

A moment passed before Rowan's face morphed into one of genuine pain. 

“Because I would always fucking follow you! And I would always make sure you are okay, no matter what.” He snapped. “And I'm sorry I can't turn my feelings off as easily as you, but watching you walk away, no matter what, it fucking kills me!” 

There was a pause as the words sunk in, as Rowan’s chest rose and fell with laboured breaths, as his eyes traced her face for any hint – of anything. 

“You what?” Aelin squeaked out. Not knowing if the question was swallowed up by the storm until Rowan took a tentative step forward. Then another, then they were just a few breaths apart. 

“I would always follow you, Aelin,” He whispered, face drawn in sorrow. Her cheeks hurt from the frozen tears, but they warmed at his confession. “Because… because I still love you. Still so, so much. Ae, it hurts.” 

“What,” She said, more to herself. But Rowan's face crumpled, and she felt the fall directly in her heart. 

“Aelin,” He whispered, reaching for her hand that was tucked under her exposed bicep. Slowly freezing. She let him grab the hand, warming it between his palms, and then pulling her forward to place it on his heart. “I have missed you every day, and I- I couldn't do anything about it, ‘cause I fucked it up in the first place. I made you have to leave. And so I watched you walk away. I let you,” He took a deep breath. “I never wanted that to happen. Ever. But I did, and… gods Aelin, I’ve never regretted something more in my life.”

She just looked up at him. Not really believing the words she was hearing, because how could this be possible? 

“Rowan…” Her lips were turning blue, and she could barely feel her legs. She was going to freeze out here, in the midst of a blizzard, as she heard her ex-boyfriend tell her how he messed up, how he missed her. 

A tear fell on his face, and she watched it trail down. “I love you, Fireheart. I still love you. I am in love with you.” He shook his head, his hair had froze. “I'm sorry.”

“Rowan, I t-thought you wanted m-me gone. I thought it w-wasnt working.” Her teeth were clacking together so hard, she could barely get the words out. That and the weird feeling erupting from inside her. 

“I never wanted you gone, Ae. I was just so… I didn't realize what I had– what we had.” 

“And now y-you do?” She mumbled, her feelings dancing on the edge of a knife. 

His pine-green eyes scanned her face so quickly, moving over every feature. As if he was re-memorizing them all. She watched his throat work.

“Ae… I don’t know how to– I,” He closed his eyes. 

Aelin took in her hand on his chest, the tear tracks along his beautiful face. The soaked sweater. Her frozen body, and she took a chance, stepping forward, pressing up. 

Rowan must have sensed a change, because his eyes snapped open, searching, before finding Aelin closer than she had been in months. 

“Rowan…” She breathed, “I love you so godsdamned much.” She slung her arms around his neck, and pressed a cold kiss onto his stunned lips. He didn't react for a second, and she almost darted away, before she was pulled back. 

Her lips crashed back into Rowan, into a fiery and all-consuming kiss that warmed her from head to toe. Rowan's hands moved all over, making purchase along her frozen body. Never settling, like he didn't realize she was real. 

There, in the middle of a raging blizzard, Aelin got back what she had been searching for. Her other half. The man who was only everything to her, all along, and forever. 

-

Once Rowan had realized that Aelin might actually contract hypothermia, he had rushed her back to the hospital, where she was treated for minor frostbite, and then released soon after. The pair had visited a sleeping Elide and tired Lorcan, before heading back to the house to update Lysandra and Aedion. Once they had gotten past them, Rowan had gone up to their room to run a bath for Aelin. 

Lysandra had told Aelin she could take Lorcan and Elide’s room – given that they wouldn't be home that night – and when she had objected, saying she preferred her room, Aedion and Lysandra had looked at each other questioningly. But they let her go without a fuss, Lysandra already planning to get this information out of the woman. 

Aelin had paid them no heed, moving lethargically upstairs, where she found Rowan sprinkling some of the petals from the rose into the bath. 

She had kissed him, and then gotten distracted kissing him, before timidly inviting him into the bath as well. He agreed, and the two of them spent a gentle moment together, not initiating anything further, but Aelin sunk into the feeling of Rowan, of having him back in her life, in her heart. 

When they had both pruned up, Rowan hopped out and brought the towels over, drying the both of them off. Running on the dregs of her earlier adrenaline rush, Aelin leaned heavily into Rowan as he got her ready for bed. The soft moment bringing her back to where she felt safe, where she knew she belonged. And when Rowan picked her up bridal style, gently laying her on her side of the bed, tucking her in and then crawling in behind her, she knew she was home. 

“I love you, Rowan.”

“I love you, Aelin.”

Hours Later

That morning, when they went as a group to visit Elide and Lorcan in the hospital, carrying some gingerbread cookies, flowers and a present for Elide, they found the couple asleep together in bed. Lorcan's large body curled protectively around Elide, his great arms placed with a delicateness reserved only for the woman he loved. They had tried to backtrack – let them sleep – only for Elide to snap at them. Telling them to get their asses back in the room because she wants to spend Yulemas morning with her family. 

Aelin could have cried happy tears, and she had. Rushing forward to hug Elide. Careful of her ribs, and the giant man behind her. She had cried into her arms. Mumbling incoherent words into the woman's skin. And soon she was joined by Lysandra, who was equally as teary. Lorcan had mumbled something about wanting to spend the morning with his fiance and had slipped off the bed with a groan, headed elsewhere. His spot was quickly replaced by the two other women. All of them snuggling up together. Rowan had snapped a quick photo. 

Aedion and Rowan pulled up chairs, and Rowan grabbed an extra for Lorcan when he returned. Chattering happily, Elide was in the center of her family. And even if she had been in pain, had almost died, she was forgetting about it instantly with their arrival. And she sat with them for the entire morning, basking in the love so freely available. 

And when it was time for them to leave, she didn't miss the way Rowan folded his arms around Aelin, and the beaming smile she reserved for him. The way their hands snaked together when they thought no one was looking. And the kiss Rowan dropped onto Aelin's brow as they walked off, away. Intertwined again.

Taglist: @backtobl4ck // @goddess-aelin

Thank you for reading!! Happy holidays to you all :))))

[starssunsoftheinfinite]

just remembered your requests are open!!!

Can I request a Loki with like...a winged s/o? Maybe half-bird?? Or angel, I guess? Preferably male but gender neutral is fine if you prefer that

Also the s/o is really, really tall. Taller than him.

sorry if this is too vague lol. I can make it more specific if you need.

love your writing btw!!!! Thank you good night!!!

-💚💚

Did I disappear for like... A large amount of time? Yes, yes I did. BUT I AM BACK WITH A VENGEANCE and I have lots of writing to do and ideas. I believe I actually stared this ask like.. A week after I got it? And I'd been working on it on and off since fjdjdj. I actually finished it just now and thought I'd make sure I get it out immediately dhdjjd you have waited long enough

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Loki x male! Winged! Tall! Y/n

Fluff/comfort/angst but only if you take your glasses off and squint within an inch of your life/the intimacy of cleaning someone you love my beloved

Warnings: none that I can think of! Maybe like... Sort of poor hygiene on your part? But not like anything detrimental it's just very hard to clean big old fluffy things attached to your back!! I also left the visual of the wings very vague. Loki does call you Dove but it's your choice whether or not that's because you look like a dove or if it's just cute <333

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"look at you" he says and his voice is like warm milk soothing a sore throat. Where you stand you feel like all eyes are on you, even if the only eyes are his. Your bathed in candlelight that flickers against your face, dipping in and out of the contours of your skin. Your wings are spread wide just as he had asked. Loki likes to see you like this, likes to witness you vulnerable. Usually your beauty is hidden by golden armour shimmering in sunlight and as much as Loki likes gold, he likes you more. So when night falls and you shed your armour in favour of soft shirts and loose trousers he savours it. He has you standing by the wall facing his bed while Loki leans on the bedpost with his arms crossed and his eyes trained on you. "I much prefer you like this instead of hidden away under all that metal." he says as he pushes off the wooden post in favour of walking towards you at an agonisingly slow pace.

For lack of a better term, you want to snuggle. Desperately so. You want to be held, to hold, to nuzzle into Loki's shoulder and take in his scent until you drift off into peaceful slumber. So you'd rather appreciate it Loki would come a little closer. He's strong as anyone, probably stronger than you, he is a god after all, but you're taller so you could probably man handle him into cuddle. Maybe. Loki's hands rest on either side of your face once he's close enough and he looks up at you like your the most wonderful thing in the world. You don't know how he does it really. "thank you. For letting me stay here at night." you say, just above a whisper. "oh my sweet boy, you've done so much today." he begins, his hands trailing to rest on your waist. "you need some time in the quiet. Besides, I need to clean up those wings- you really need to remember to do that." he says but it's barely chastising.

Your lips spread into a wide smile as he takes your hand and pulls you to the bed, gently pressing on your chest until you sit on the edge. Your forehead is just around the middle of his chest now, your head tilting back only a little until Loki's Face is back in your line of sight. Loki gives you a quick peck on the forehead before slipping behind you, kneeling in the silk sheet and begginning to undo the back tie at the bottom of your shirt. Having something with an intact collar and an open back that you tie up at your lower back was one of the only ways you could figure out to allow your wings free range in your shirts. Loki had helped with sewing when you were fixing your clothing, kind thing he is. He slips your shirt off with ease, leaving you comfortably bare as his hands smooth over the skin on your back. "poor thing. All messy." he cooes, his index finger trailing over the feathers on your left wing, watching them brissle beneath his fingertips. Your head ducks a little. You'd never been good at pruning yourself. It was a hassle, so intricate and it just took up so much time that you didn't have to give. So you often left it until it got bad, even if it hurt. This was something Loki frequently scolded you for but you never seemed to listen. So now he sits rearranging feathers while you scrunch your face in discomfort. "easy does it" loki whispers after you let out a particularly pathetic squeak. "doesn't hurt too much, does it?" he asks, as cool and composed as usual but the hint of concern spoke loudly to trained ears. You shake your head "it hurts more to leave them. It's mostly.. Uncomfortable really. Gets sort of itchy and gross feeling." you shrug and your words earn a stern look from Loki "then perhaps you should stop leaving them." he scolds softly. You know he's right but you argue nonetheless. " it's too much hassle. With training, duties, everything.. I don't have much time and the time I do have I'd rather not spend cleaning hundreds of feathers." it's understandable really but Loki worries and you understand that too. You choose to ignore how nice it feels to have Loki fix your wings up. You're lovers, affection is no stranger to either of you, but admitting that part of the reason you 'forget' to prune is because you like it when Loki fusses over you may just be a little too embarrassing. Loki let's out a small hum and smooths his fingers over the last few feathers.

You arnt quite sure when he got a sponge and bowl of soapy water, you presume some magic was involved, but either way you feel Loki press a wet sponde to the base of your wings. You turn your head to look behind you, your eyes falling down on Loki where he sits "little warning next time." you chuckle and he grins back at you. He soaks your feathers, watching them flatten out and eventually the majority of your wings are soaked. "see? Isn't this nice? All clean." loki hums like he's trying to convince a child vegetables are good. "yes it is nice. But only because I'm not the one doing it. My arms would be aching by now." that's another reason cleaning tour wings was such an unattractive idea. Your shoulders ached like hell after, constantly reaching behind you. "I suppose that's true. But if you needed a cleaning you should have asked. You didn't need to wait until tonight. I'll clean you up during your breaks if I have to." it's sweet, really. To have a prince take time out of his day to clean you. Perhaps there is some sort of metaphor or commentary on something in those words but at the moment your too focused on how Loki's hands feel gently rubbing a towel on your feathers. "I don't want to bother you" you say as your head ducks down in relaxation. "you're royalty, Loki. It already feels odd to always look down at you, you should not have to stoop even lower and clean me at my command." you admit. Despite how nice it feels to be taken care of, that underlying worry is always there.

Loki's hand stops and for a moment you fear You have said something wrong. "I like looking up at you, Dove." you've always liked when he called you that. "I like having to crane my neck to get a good look at your face. It make it feel like a great reward after my efforts. And I like to clean you. The way you curl up in your wings after they have been cleaned, basking in the fresh scent is rather cute." he says and for a moment you don't quite believe him. It doesn't sound like him, really. He is cocky and sometimes even down right rude if the wrong person gets on his nerves, but with you... He's so soft. He takes any opportunity to give you attention and uses it to its fullest, he whispers sweet nothings to you as though he were not a God. It almost feels sacrilegious. "you're just saying that" you say, eyes flicking to the floor. "ah ah, I see you in the mirror on the wall over there, there will be no shameful looking down with me, young man. Eyes up" Loki quickly corrects and you do as asked without question. That darn mirror. "Darling. My love. You do not need to worry about whether or not I enjoy moments like this because the answer will always be yes. I adore you. That includes the cleaning. Especially if I get to cuddle with you afterwards, it's always so soft all wrapped up in your wings. " cuddling! You'd almost forgotten about your desperate need for a cuddle until it was mentioned. You glance behind you, trying to look at your wings as best you can" are they dry yet? " you ask and Loki tilts his head, gently rubbing your wings down with a towel." eager are we? They will be soon. Patience, Dove" Loki hums and you nod.

After a few more minutes of silent scrubbing, Loki sets the towel down and gently ruffles the base of your wings where the smallest, fluffiest feathers were. "all done, my love." Loki cooes and your turning around before he even finishes. "-oh my" he mutters and he is silently thankful he had 'magic-ed' away the bowl of water when it was no longer needed. You scoop him up with ease, your hands under your back as you swiftly pull him up towards the head of the bed. "I feel like a damsel in distress swept up by her Knight" he comments as you ease him down on the left side of the bed and Loki presses his face into the silk pillow. "apologies. It's just- been a while and as much as you tell me to be patient, I am not very good at that." you say and pull him closer, curling your wings around him like a fuzzy shield. Loki shakes his head and his gaze never leaves you, his eyes filled with adoration and the contours of his face lit by what little candlelight could sneak through your feathers. If 'I love you' had a face it'd be his. " I am certainly not complaining." he says and then his eyes glance down in thought, then return to you. Your head is pressed against the soft pillow like it's the most comfortable thing in the world and your arms hold Loki tight. "you really needed this, didn't you?" "the cleaning?" you interupt "no, Dove. Well, yes. But no. Just to be taken care of. Held, to hold, to be cleaned." You don't answer for a moment and really that's answer enough. Fighting was difficult, training was difficult, even maintaining your own wings was difficult. But Loki made it easier. So much easier. You nod "yes. I am grateful for my life. For who I have met because of my profession. But it is tiring. I needed this. Needed you. Thank you" your voice is softer than intended in the quiet room, the two of you curled up and protected in your wings as you both wind down from the long day. Lokis hands finds your face, cupping your cheeks and rubbing your cheekbones with his thumbs as though you were something precious or delicate. "oh my love. My darling boy. Should you need me, call for me. Perhaps even pray to me. I am God after all, I will hear. And when I hear that it is you who calls I will be there before you even finish. With open arms and gentle hands. And perhaps a bowl of soapy water. " it's such a simple declaration. Something usual for couples. It's not exactly monumental for a lover to tell you to reach out should you need them and yet when he does it feels like you'd been gifted the stars themselves. "I will. I will call for you." you whisper, pressing yourself impossibley closer, your foreheads resting against each other. "Good. Now close those eyes, my boy. You've earned your sleep. And you look so cute all curled up and sleepy, I'd much like to see that again" he hums and you can't help the grin on your lips as your eyes flutter shut. "goodnight, Loki." you say and just before sleep grasp you by the hand you hear a soft "Goodnight, My dove."

[jennay]

Come Back Home

Jolly x reader

An: Random idea I had that I got stuck on and required way too much help from @a-villain-vying-for-attention then decided to make her a character since she basically came up with the ideas and I wrote it. Lol thanks for being my shadow writer for times when my brain decides it's done thinking.

Words 2200

Jolly Master List

This is chunked into four sections bear with me. I hate transitional writing 😂

"Please don't tell them. They'll just worry, and next thing you know, they'll be at my door, and it's just not the right timing for me to come back. I need to finish my work here, and it's not completely horrible. I think I just miss everyone, and I feel isolated." You admit over Facetime to your best friend, Kayla. "It just wasn't supposed to be like this. “Moving away from you guys was literally one of the worst decisions I've made."

Kayla sighs, "I don't mean to say I told you so, but I did." She laughs, "But the worst part is, Noah told you, Jolly told you, and you still just said bye bitches. Do you know how sad it is not to have you here? I have to deal with them all the time, by MYSELF."

You peel yourself off the couch, dragging your feet through the dining room and to the back door.

You brace yourself for the inevitable assault of the sun, but it still hurts like hell when you open the door and get blasted by its rays. "Fuck." You groan. "It's bright." You squint your eyes and cover them with your hand as you stumble to the camping chair you set up on your porch for such occasions. You hated the daylight. You wished you could be a nocturnal creature, but sadly, you had to pretend to be a responsible adult, even if you sucked at it.

"Wow, look at you, Dracula." She mocks you from the other side of the video call. "You look like you're about to die over there, paler than a ghost and skinnier than a twig. Do I need to come over and feed you some blood? I know it's only been six months, but I will literally come over and mother you to death. I'll bring Noah too, and we'll play house. God knows we need some practice." She flashes a big smile. "You know, for the future and all that jazz."

You laugh, shaking your head, "This is new for you!"

"Yeah, well, now I'm just working on convincing Noah that it's a good idea." She tucks her hair behind her ears. "So I need you to come back because I'm not raising these imaginary kids without their badass aunt."

You roll your eyes at her, "These kids don't even exist yet, so I think we have some time, and besides, I don't know if I'll feel any better moving back. If I have to watch HIM date other people and it not be me…well, I'd rather stay here and suffer in silence."

"Well, he's miserable without you, and why are we not using his name?" She laughs again. "Mopping and shit, constantly.”

You shrug, "I think he's probably fine. I basically threw myself at him and got no reaction. I literally slept in his bed the night before I left." You pause, growing frustrated. "Maybe we're just supposed to be friends; maybe he only sees me as a friend. That's OK. I can't be mad about that, but it always felt like there was something more, you know?"

Kayla groans loudly, "You both suck. If you would've just let me meddle, I could've set you two up."

"I don't want you to set me up! I wanted something natural." You say with all seriousness. "I wanted him to say it."

From behind Kayla, Noah pokes his head into the view, "He's dumb...guys are dumb." He gives you a face that says, duh.

"Well, now I'm here, and I can just say fuck it. I'll find someone here."

Noah's laughter rings through the speaker, "And then break up because all you're gonna do is fucking compare the two and be a whiny baby about how he's not Jolly, so you had to break up? Fuck off, y/n." He chuckles again. "Just come home."

You shake your head, "No. You will have to come to drag my dead body home before I willingly come back."

Noah grabs the phone from Kayla's hand, and you meet with wide eyes. And in a serious tone, Noah says, "Dead or not, at least you'll be home where you belong."

Kayla, Noah, and Jolly were lounging on the couch, munching on some greasy take-out that Noah had ordered from the nearest pizza place. While Jolly was engrossed in the latest episode of Bob's Burgers, Kayla was shooting daggers at him with her eyes.

She couldn't stand the sight of him, acting like nothing was wrong, like he wasn't the reason her best friend wasn't living with them anymore.

Noah noticed his girlfriend's glare and chuckled softly, nudging her elbow with his. "Chill," he whispered in her ear.

"NO!" Kayla shouted, startling both Noah and Jolly. She slammed her food on the coffee table and turned to face Jolly with a furious expression. "I'm sick and tired of pretending like everything is fine. I want my friend back, and if this is what it takes to make you use your brain, then so be it!" She pointed an accusing finger at Jolly, who looked confused and scared. "You need to go get y/n back right now or get on the next flight to Sweden because I can't stand having you around. You make me so mad, both of you, pretending you don't care about each other. She's depressed as shit living there with her fuckin awful family, but she'd rather stay there than come home because of you!" She roughly gets off the couch and storms out of the room, heading for the stairs. "You're such an idiot," she yelled over her shoulder at Jolly.

Noah raised his eyebrows and bit his lip to stop laughing as he saw Jolly's dumbfounded face. Jolly put down his food and looked at Noah with a puzzled expression. "What did I do?" he asked innocently.

Noah shrugs and says, "I think it's more of what you didn't do…"

Kayla comes back down the stairs, holding her food in her hands. She glared at Jolly one more time and flipped him off, then walked out of the room. "Buy the damn ticket!" she screamed from the hallway.

Noah heard the door slam and shook his head. "Well," he said, standing up and grabbing his food. "There's your answer. Bring y/n home."

"How am I supposed to do that?" He loudly asks.

"I don't know but you need to figure it out, Kayla might actually kill you in your sleep."

You grab your coat and head for the door, feeling a sense of excitement and anticipation for the day ahead. You were going hiking with your sister and her husband, and you couldn't wait to explore the great outdoors with them. As you glance at the clock, you groan in annoyance, realizing you're running late again. You can't help but wonder why you're always so disorganized and frazzled.

You pull the door open, taking a deep breath of fresh air as you step outside. Suddenly, you're nearly choking on air as you see a familiar face staring back at you. Jolly stands there with a backpack over his shoulder, his long hair draped over his shoulders, and a black backward hat covering the top of his head. He's dressed in black skin jeans and a deep red plaided flannel, looking effortlessly stylish and cool.

Your shock disappears as quickly as it came, replaced by annoyance at the sight of Jolly. You can't help but feel irritated that he's here, disrupting your plans for the day. You'd be lying if you said you didn't feel a little bitter still.

"Hi." He quietly says, looking from you to the ground, feeling awkward. He hadn't planned what he was going to tell you.

"Can I come in?" he quietly asks.

You nod your head, stepping aside. "I was leaving, but I guess this kind of changes my plans," you say, rolling your eyes. "What are you even doing here?" You say as you follow him to the living room. "I've tried so hard not to think about you; I moved states, Jolly, and now you're at my house. Are you trying to make my life hard?" You don't sit down knowing you're too heated to stay in one place.

Jolly doesn't sit on the couch either. Instead, he sits on the armrest, staring at you with confusion and annoyance; he folds his hands in his lap and allows you to continue. Why was everyone so irritated with him? He didn't know what he did in the first place. "What did I do?" He questions.

You're eyes dart back to him. "You treated me like I was special, OK? I thought I was special to you…then, you go and date other people." You say, running out of breath. "Then I dated other people because I thought you didn't want me and I was right, you didn't care at all, but then I dumped them because all I could think about was you!" You dramatically cover your face with your hands, pacing back and forth. You enter your kitchen and stare out the sliding glass door. Your back facing Jolly as he observes you. "I stayed in your bed the night before I left, and you still let me go."

"I thought you were leaving for a job! I didn't want to be the reason you didn't go!" He whines. "You told me you were leaving for a job."

You still don't turn around to look at him, knowing he was right, "I just thought you'd ask me to stay if you really wanted me."

He stands straight, walking toward you; you feel his hands on your shoulders, spinning you around to face him. His dark eyes scan your face, wishing he wasn't the reason you were upset.

He leans in close, his breath warm on your face. "You were always special to me," he whispers, his voice low and sincere. "I never meant to hurt you. I was just confused and scared. I didn't know how to handle my feelings for you. I was afraid of losing you, so I pushed you away. I never stopped thinking about you. I came here to tell you that. To tell you that I'm sorry. To tell you I need you."

Jolly pulls back slightly, his eyes searching yours for a sign of forgiveness. He gently cups your face in his hands, his thumbs stroking your cheeks. He smiles softly, his eyes shining with hope. "Can you give me another chance?" he asks, his voice pleading.

You feel a surge of emotion, a mix of anger, pain, and love. You want to scream at him, to push him away. But you also want to hug him, to kiss him, to hold him close. You're torn between your head and your heart. You look into his eyes, and you see the sincerity and the regret.

You see the man you fell in love with, the man who made you laugh, the man who made you feel alive. You feel your resolve weakening, your walls crumbling. You lean in and press your lips to his, answering his question with a kiss.

"So I'm bringing you home." He smiles against your lips. Pulling back, his brown eyes search yours, "This long distance thing isn't how I want to start this." he gently kisses your forehead.

You nod knowingly, "I guess we should start packing."

Jolly smiles, running his hand through your hair, "I'm pretty sure Kayla has a timer set."

You giggle. "She is absolutely crazy." You lean up, kissing Jolly again. "But it's why we love her."

He nods in agreement, "Plus she's Noah's problem."

With a cautious glance, you gently push the front door open, hoping no one will notice your arrival and ambush you as soon as you enter the house.

You sneak into the living room on your tiptoes, holding Jolly's hand.

Noah and Kayla are so engrossed in the TV show that they don't even look at you.

You pretend to be nonchalant and sit down on the recliner next to them, giving them a hard stare.

Her eyes widen as she realizes who you are, and she jumps off the couch and runs toward you. You're home! This is fucking amazing!" She screams in your ear. "I was expecting you guys to take more time, to be honest…you both suck at directions. I don't know how you managed to drive all the way back here." She laughs as she releases you from her hug and embraces Jolly instead, "Look at you. I can finally be in the same room as you without being pissed off. I'm so proud of you." She jokes with him. "Wow," She scans the room and sees the three of you together. "So, is it official now? Can we all just admit how stupid the two of you were? I mean, come on, you could have just moved down the street instead of moving two states away." She snuggles up to Noah on the couch. "I'm not going through this again. You guys have to sort things out by yourselves from now on." She says and acts like she's dismissing you.

Jolly chuckles, sitting in the recliner; he grabs you and makes you sit on his lap, catching you off guard.

You shake your head light laughter falling from your lips, "Well, I missed you too, dick."

You lean into Jolly's chest and wrap your arms around him, feeling his warmth and heartbeat. You sigh in contentment and happiness, glad to be home with the people who loved you the most.

[st4rfckerz]

****Ok to the 19 year old virgin with a dildo.*****

I’m 10 years older than you and have been busy in that time. I lost count of my body count, but it’s over 100 for sure so I’ve seen a lot of cock, and most of them aren’t huge. I’ve had all the races and I’ve found that they all have similar sized cocks. Black, white and Latino have like 6-7inches which is fine if he knows how to fuck. I’d say 25% have 8inches and maybe 15% has 9inches. Like 8% are under 6 inches, and I have only come across two 10 inchers out of like 100. I’ve only had sex with one Hawaiian guy and he was tall and built and had a 9 inch. I had sex with a Japanese guy too and he had like a 7 so that whole Asian guys have small dicks thing isn’t true as far as I can tell, but I don’t have a lot of experience with Asians although they’re really attractive. The Hawaiian guy was a mix of Phillipines, Somaoa and pure Hawaiian and his name was Kalani and he had this tattoo on his leg that told the story of his people and it was so hot. His eyes were grey which he said was very unusual and got him beat up when he was little but GOD he was attractive and really great in bed. He made me cum so many times I thought he broke me. Lol. Most guys don’t make you orgasm unless they know how to stimulate your clit and make you feel comfortable and beautiful. If you’re uncomfortable, insecure, or unsure about a guy, you won’t be able to reach an orgasm. Men orgasm every time they finish. It’s more physical than mental for them, while it’s equally mental and physical for women I think.

Side story about the Hawaiian guy just cuz I want to tell it- I met him in Las Vegas at a night club when we were there for my friends bachelorette party weekend. I saw him and said he was hot, and I’m very picky and never really single guys out so it got all my friends attention. I had to pee so I left my purse with my friends, and one of their drunk genius asses goes up to him and tells him he needs to return my purse to me and points me out. Thank god he didn’t just steal my purse with everything in it, but he came up and gave it to me and got me a drink and a rose and he came back to my hotel with me and hung out the whole entire weekend.(he was friends with a bunch of famous UFC fighters but none of us had a clue who any of them were, but a few of my friends got with some of those guys.) He was supposed to go back to Hawaii, but he asked if he could just hang with me a few days, and I told him I lived across the country and he bought a ticket to my hometown and ended up staying a week, and then came back a couple times and I went to Hawaii one time with him, and he didn’t want me to get on the plane but I was an idiot and didn’t say I love you too when he said he loved me. I said thank you and then got on the plane. he never spoke to me again and I was stubborn and didn’t call him after I tried a couple times and gave up.

Back to the cock talk. Length isn’t as important as the thickness unless it’s over 7 inches and hits your cervix. That shit does not feel good. When a guy hits your wall, it’s painful unless you enjoy pain, which some women like to be smacked and have their hair pulled but I’m not one of them. I’ll smack a motherfucker right back!

Porn isn’t a good gauge of what cocks are like cuz those are all extreme sized. I heard that if you’ve given birth, then you can handle bigger cocks, but I’ve never done that so I cannot verify, but I cannot imagine there’s too much of a difference since your body goes back to what it was before birth. There’s a point where they’re just too damn big.

The hottest guy I ever fucked had this enormous penis and it was terrible. I tried several times and different positions, but his dick was like as big around as a soda can and was like 10 inches. You’re trying to get something close in size of your virgin pussy? That’s gonna be tough, if not impossible. Plus what is the dildo made of? If it’s silicone or rubber, then you need some lube. I cannot stress it enough! Lube is so important. If you don’t have enough anti friction lubrication (natural or store bought) sex is not fun, and can even injure you and your partner.

Penetration isn’t really that important in female masterbation. It’s all about clit stimulation and figuring out what really turns you on. Just because you’re wet, doesn’t mean you cummed. That’s just your vagina lubricating itself in preparation for sexual activity when you’re horny or aroused. You absolutely know when you cum. It’s almost like a really strong finally getting to pee feeling, but in a good way and you don’t pee (unless you’re a squirter, but those are pretty rare) squirters are just what they sound like, when they cum they spray pee and their orgasms are more intense. I’ve squirted before and I think it’s so embarrassing but the guy is always so into it. (Even if you get them right in the face, guys are so gross sometimes)

I suggest getting a smaller dildo, and get one with a clit stimulator. Get one that’s got a plug and is rechargable so you don’t burn through a million batteries. They’re more expensive up front, but save you money in the long run.

You don’t wanna loosen yourself up too much anyway. It feels better for you and him if you’re tighter down there. If he goes down on you, and is considerate your first few times, you’ll be able to take dick in no time.

If he won’t go down on you or is not being careful or considerate, and tries to force it in roughly without you telling him to do so, then just get up and leave. You don’t need to get ripped or torn, or get a bruised internal vagina, or not be able to walk the next day comfortably cuz he’s an asshole. Just abandon ship.

Blue balls are supposedly a real thing but most of my guy friends say they are greatly exaggerated to guilt trip women into doing what they want. They don’t actually experience pain. It’s a scam.

there's nothing i can really add because i've only been with a woman but this is like top tier advice

[lemonlamblaura]

My Huband is the God of Pestilence - chapter 9

Kallamar and Lilybell go on their first date, though it doesn't really become a date until the end, lol. And a certain kitty cat makes his first appearance...

Lilybell was quiet for the rest of the day, and the next day after the trip to the surface. She spoke very little and ate even less. Kallamar was gracious enough to give her time alone, at Trenaty's suggestion. But by that night he was at his wits end.

"I don't know what to do," he told Shamura as they walked about the spider's temple. Even Shamura, bookworm as they were, didn't spend all their time in their study. They checked in on a room from the doorway, filled with spiders weaving, working looms and making lace, all from their own silk. "She barely speaks to me and spends much of her time in her room. I can't make her leave. How do I make her stop? How do I make her speak to me?"

"You cannot force her to do anything, brother, if you want this to end peacefully and keep her devotion," Shamura said, stepping up to a loom to examine the worker's progress. The tiny spider picked up the pace nervously, knowing they were being watched.

"That doesn't help me," Kallamar complained irritably, "maybe another present will help? What do you think?"

Shamura was quiet for a few moments, moving on to the next loom. "I think you are too attached to her. I blame myself for that, as I told you to keep her close to you. There's nothing to be done, now. Even I am not above choosing favorites." They seemed to contemplate something for a second, before walking over to a rack of finished clothing, taking a simple, short blue dress with puffed sleeves off it and passing it to Kallamar. "Perharps a change of scenery is what she needs. She told me when we first met that she would enjoy seeing more of Anchordeep. My advice is to take her for a long walk so she may forget her troubles."

Kallamar took the dress, feeling the soft silk against his fingers. "Thank you, sibling, for listening to my woes. I only wish there was something to be done about her wretched mother..."

"In my experience, those who grasp too tightly to their children are always rebelled against eventually. There is nothing you could have done, so do not dwell on it. She no longer has Lilybell in her clutches; that is punishment enough."

*

I should probably get up, Lilybell thought, not moving an inch. She couldn't remember the last time she had moved, honestly. She woke up not too long ago and her body was stiff all over, her head facing the window. It looked like a nice sunny day outside. Maybe it would be good to get out. Heaven knows she hadn't left her room much in the last couple of days.

After a few more moments she rolled over slowly and sat up in bed, wincing as some of her joints cracked and her muscles ached from disuse. It took a few more moments before she could stand up and stretch, more joints popping in protest.

As she removed her night gown and pulled on her standard robes, she wondered if Kallamar or Trenaty would come to check on her soon. The squid had a hard time leaving her alone lately, because he knew she was upset. She wasn't doing a very good job being his assistant, was she? Guilty tears formed in her eyes and she sniffled, feeling pathetic. She should have known her mother was up to something. She didn't feel bad about leaving her; she felt worse for her father, who had to stay with her. Before she knew it she was crying again, wiping at her eyes with her sleeves. She should have never bothered to go. Now everything was ten times worse.

When she was done crying, she realized she was a little hungry, so she pulled herself together as best she could and headed out. To her surprise, Kallamar was slumped against the wall beside her room, waiting for her. He shot up as soon as she opened the door.

"Good morning, dear," he said, trying not to look too enthusiastic at seeing her. "Did you sleep well?"

Lilybell just shrugged. "I guess so."

"Good, good. Listen, darling, I have a surprise for you. But first..."

He pulled the dress out from inside his robes and held it out for her. Her eyes widened at the sight of it, and she took it in her hands, feeling the fabric and studying the stitching. "It's beautiful..." she whispered not able to look away. It was one of the most glamorous dresses she'd ever seen (not that she had seen very many).

Kallamar grinned wide, "I'm glad you like it. Don't wear those old robes anymore, darling, they don't suit you. Go get changed, and meet me in the courtyard."

"Why?"

"I told you, it's a surprise. Hurry, now."

Lilybell changed faster than she had in a long time, and ran out to the courtyard, hunger completely forgotten. Kallamar was waiting for her, with a few followers at his side. He appeared to be talking to them, but hushed up when he saw her coming.

"I'm here," she panted, coming up to him, "what's the surprise?"

He smiled down at her. The dress definitely suited her better than those old rags. Not only that, they made her stand out more against the faceless, hooded figures. He would even dare say she looked cute in it. "You told Shamura you wished to see more of Anchordeep, so today we are having a little excursion. We will go as far as you like, and see everything you wish to see."

Lilybell's face slowly lit up as he spoke, and it looked like some of her spark had come back. "Oh, really, Lord Kallamar? Really?" She asked, grinning with excitement.

"Of course. Come along, now. We have the whole day to ourselves."

They left the courtyard, heading into the sand and water, as Trenaty watched them go from the temple. Finding those specific followers had been a chore, but when Kallamar explained that he had something planned for Lilybell, she knew it was worth the effort. They disappeared down a hill, and Trenaty went back into the temple to take care of things...

*

Cats are easily found in Silk Cradle, being able to adapt to the dark environment and thriving on insect meat and small creatures. A few cats even served Shamura, though they were carefully selected, most being adept warriors and assassins. They mostly kept to themselves, not venturing near others unless they were approached first. Silk Cradle was a dangerous place, after all, and it was better to be careful than dead.

Shamura was interrupted from their studies a feline couple, the mother carrying their baby in her arms. The child, with fur black as coal, looked no older than two years old, and terribly weak.

"Oh, great God of knowledge and wisdom, we seek your guidance," the father spoke, head down out of respect. "Our child has been struck with an illness we have never seen. He is weak, and sleeps almost all the time. We don't know how to heal him. Please help us."

The god regarded the kitten with a knowing stare. They knew the problem, but they would never say it.

There was no cure that they knew of. The child was as good as dead with them. But they could prove useful under the spider's care.

"Please accept my sincerest apologies," said Shamura softly, "your child will pass soon. There is nothing that can be done, even by me."

The look on the parent's faces said without words that they had expected this. Still, their eyes welled with tears, and the mother hugged her baby close.

"An unholy curse has been placed upon him that may only be removed through a specific ritual. After which the body will be lifeless, and will need to be disposed of. I will give you a few moments to say goodbye."

Shortly after, they took the baby from the mothers arms, wrapped in a warm blanket and sleeping soundly. The spider turned to them one final time. "Tell me, what is his name?"

The mother wiped away her tears and choked out, "Narinder."

*

Just past the courtyard was a small sandy hill that led to a higher point in the ocean, where light was able to filter more freely through the water. Lilybell had no idea what was beyond it, having arrived at the temple from the opposite direction. Climbing the hill, they were met with an array of colour, the likes of which Lilybell had only seen in flower gardens back in the mountains. Corals of all kinds filled the ocean floor, seaweed and algae moving about with the currents. Fish of all kinds swam about, and light cascading down from the surface danced on the corals, making it seem as it they were moving.

Lilybell gasped in amazement, stepping forward, when suddenly the ground shifted underneath her foot, and a large brown stingray swam out from the sand, annoyed at being trodden on. Kallamar took her hand, and they walked among the coral, as he pointed out different varieties.

"Take care not to touch them," he warned, "some are toxic, and some are deceptively sharp. Not to mention many of these corals are likely hundreds, if not thousands of years old."

"Look!" Lilybell cried, watching as a clownfish swam amongst a sea anemone.

"The anemone helps protect it from predators. They sting other fish that get too close, but this little one is protected by a coating of slime."

Kallamar looked to his left and nudged her gently. "See this one?" He asked, gesturing to a peculiar anemone that looked like a tube with feelers at the edge of it. "Watch." He poked one of the feelers with the tip of his finger, and the anemone attempted to close around it. Kallamar pulled his finger away with some resistance, and Lilybell realized it had been stuck to the feeler. "Had my finger been a small fish, it would have been swallowed and devoured."

"That's so cool!" Lilybell touched the anemone herself, and watched the creature close up again. "When I lived on the surface I never knew there was so much stuff living down here. I thought it was a bunch of fish and stuff."

"We have many varieties of fish," Kallamar said, pointing out a small group of fish that were swimming by, their scales glittering in the light. "There is much life here. More than you can ever know."

They continued on, Kallamar telling all about the different varieties of coral around them and answering the many questions Lilybell asked. In no time, Lilybell felt like her old self again, the beautiful surroundings helping to take her mind off what had happened a few days before. Kallamar loved seeing her open up again, smiling down at her happily as she trotted along beside him, looking so lovely, her hand in his. He realized, then, he enjoyed her looking better, and more than that, wearing his gifts. How would she look with expensive jewelry, he wondered...?

After a while, they came to a small clearing, where they stopped for a break. Kallamar ordered the worker's to lay out a blanket, and treats were served. Lilybell was surprised to find cookies, tarts and fruit cake being handed to her on a plate, and she bit into one of the tarts, overjoyed to find it had strawberry filling. As she enjoyed the food, two followers pulled out a recorder and a small harp, and began to play soft music.

"Mmm!" Lilybell exclaimed with her mouth full, pointing to the follower with the harp, "what's that?"

"It's a harp, darling."

Lilybell swallowed the food, "I read about those! It sounds really pretty!"

"You like it? I'll get you one if you want."

"Really?"

"Of course. Anything you want is yours."

Lilybell grinned, shoving more tarts in her mouth, taking in the surroundings. This was such a nice day so far. Kallamar really went all out, nice food, music, a wonderful tour of Anchordeep...

...Wait...

Lilybell slowly stopped chewing as something dawned on her. Nice food, nice music, nice walk, a new dress?

Good heavens. This was a date.

"What's wrong, dear? Is something wrong with the food?"

She finished chewing and swallowed, putting her plate down on the blanket. She wanted to be sure, maybe she had read the situation wrong. "Um, Lord Kallamar... is this a date?"

The musicians missed a note. Kallamar stared at her. "Huh?"

"I mean, if it's not, that's okay, but..."

Oh dear. This wasn't his intention, but now that he thought about it, it was obvious why she thought that. He cleared his throat.

"Do you... want it to be?"

Lilybell fussed with her hair nervously. "I don't know... I've never been on a date before."

He leaned over, "Do you want to know something? Neither have I."

"You're kidding!"

"No. This would be my first date, too."

Lilybell smiled at him. "I guess that makes it okay, then. We both had our first date together!"

Kallamar smiled back. "I'm glad it was with you."

*

Shamura laid the kitten down on their desk somberly. For a few moments, there was only quiet.

"Come out," Shamura demanded, "I know you have taken over the boy's body. You will not escape me."

Seconds later, something stirred inside Narinder's chest, moved up his throat, and a long, black snake with a blood red eye came slithering out of his mouth. The creature sat upon the kitten, staring up at Shamura.

"You waste no time, Red Crown. Your last bearer has not yet begun to decompose, and you have already chosen another to take on your curse."

The crown only stared back.

"I suppose if the mother and father had not brought him to me, you would have allowed the child to waste away to nothing. Whether you choose this boy or not, he will stay here with me. I suggest you make your decision."

It continued to stare at Shamura, before the eye rolled down to look at Narinder. It slid up the boy's head and formed a crown with two points, settling between his ears. The boy stirred and opened his eyes, and saw the spider looking down at him. But he didn't seem afraid. In fact, it seemed like he had heard everything Shamura had said.

"Greetings, Narinder. I am Shamura. I shall be looking after you from now on."

*

A few hours later, Kallamar and Lilybell returned to the temple, tired from the long walk. Two supervisors met them at the entrance to the courtyard, looking alarmed.

"Lord Kallamar, an incident happened while you were gone! Strangers came to the temple and tried to force us to denounce you. When we didn't, they threw bombs at the windows and destroyed them!"

Kallamar immediately went back into God mode, wearing a serious expression. "Show me."

The followers showed him the windows in the temple lobby, glass being swept up off the floor by the janitors, and some shallow craters in the floor from where the bombs exploded.

"Do you know who did this? Were they wearing anything to distinguish them?"

"No. They wore simple black cloaks with hoods and did not reveal their faces. Lord Kallamar, some of the followers are worried that this will happen again. What should we do?"

Kallamar thought for a moment, trying not to show his worry. Why would anyone do this? Who would want to do this? Whatever the reason, it seemed like the temple would need protection if he left.

"Is there anyone here with combat experience?" He asked to the followers who had accompanied him and Lilybell.

One follower stepped forward. "I have used a sword before, my lord. I have some experience."

"What is your name?"

"Saleos."

"Saleos, your new job is to find those who can fight and train them. If I must leave the temple again, we need guards to protect everyone."

While they spoke, Lilybell looked around the lobby to see if she could spot Trenaty. She thought the starfish would have welcomed them back, but she was nowhere in sight. Where was she?

[stillaclownlol]

FROWNY I FINISHED IT.

I don’t even have the words to describe how shocked I am. I don’t even know what to write because the ending genuinely shocked me and it’s not even DONE.

ADAM. PERSEPHONE. THE LEY LINE??? CABESWATER???? RONAN??? THE NIGHT HORRORS??? KAVINSKY??? OH MY GOD MATTHEW?? THER MUM??????? HOLY SHIT.

Okay. Let’s seee if I can get my thoughts to work.

Adam and Persephone are a duo I didn’t see coming but I actually like it a lot. They both give off melancholic vibes you know? I think they understand each other, in some way. The way to redirect the ley line was AMAZING? And Adam finally coming to terms with Cabeswater? He’s the magician?? Honestly love him so much!

Ronan. RONAN. Oh my god Ronan. I don’t even know what to say. He’s gay? I’m pretty sure he’s gay. There’s just so much to say about him really. The way him and Kavinsky have the same dream place — the way he talked to the trees? The way he saw Adam? The way Adam could see him too? The way he just KNEW? The lightning? The rock? ADAM OMG. Anway. Ronan���s night horror was a genuine shock. The way it symbolised his hatred for himself? And once he accepted himself could he finally control his nightmares? UGH. THE WAY HE DREAMT HIS DAD?? THE WAY HE LEARNED WHAT HIS DAD HAD WANTED HIM TO? THE LANGUAGE OF THE TREES??? The battle between Kevinsky’s fire dragon and Ronan’s albino terror? Honestly so cool. Matthew? Like MATTHEW? During the first book I thought the Lynch brothers all despised each other but it’s more like Declan and Ronan hating each other and only doing things for Matthew’s sake. RONAN you are an amazing big brother omg.

Their mum??? She’s back??? The will ???? I’m so shocked I can’t even believe it. I knew they’d do that — of course she’d come back — but still. Also. EXCUSE ME RONAN LYNCH BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR SECOND SECRET IS ADAM PARRISH? HELLO??? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? 🤨🤨🤨

I had to stare at the wall for a good minute because the ending genuinely shocked me. Like. MAURA. WHAT. THE. FUCK. It is one in the morning and I’m not even tired I’m probably gonna start the third book now oh my lord 😭

I’m so happy you introduced this series to me Frowny because now I don’t know what I would be doing right now?? How could I NOT love these guys???? AHHHHHHHHHH.

ALSO WHEN YOU SAID ADAM WOULD GET LOVE SOON I HOPE IT HAPPENS!! I NEED HIM TO BE LOVED.

You're tearing through these omg

YEAHHHH I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN...THE ENDING LEFT ME "...what the HELL-" skdhkajdd and you still have two more books left...🫠🫠🫠

Akdbiwhdosb I love their mentor-student relationship sm they break my heart every time </3

I don't think it's a spoiler but I think in the spin off he does explicitly call himself gay lol. I LOOOOOVE THE FIGHT WITH THE DRAGON AND THE NIGHT CREATURE IT WAS SICK AF. and I love Matthew we'll see him more later <3 he's such a silly guy...

HEHE IDK WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS?? ✨️ (I can't wait for that scene kagdjshdj)

Blue Lily, Lily Blue was CRAZY bro idk what to tell you except you're in for a ride, one time I stayed up till 6am reading 😭

Thank you to my bestie for getting me to read it hihi <3 the raven cycle goes on forever...one day, you'll also recommend it to someone ✨️

And I promise you, Adam will be loved (picks him up) never forget you have been loved :")

[e-dubbc11]

400 Follower Celebration | Song Lyric Prompts

*You know I'm a sucker for a good song lyric game. XD

Muse: Donald Pierce Song Lyrics: "I turn my back and you're messin' around. I'm not bein' jealous. Don't like lookin' like a clown." -Joan Jett & the Blackhearts ;)

If not that one, then here's another encouraging nudge from yours truly… ;)

Muse: Quinn Mckenna Song Lyrics: Runnin' just as fast as we can, holdin' onto one another's hand. Tryin' to get away into the night and then you put your arms around me and we tumble to the ground and then you say, "I think we're alone now."

LMAO! I couldn't resist. I figure that whole scenario would make for a great getaway scene that could lead to something hot and heavy with Quinn endin' up on top of the other muse or somethin'. LOL! Either way, I have absolute faith in your abilities to tap into both muses, sweetheart! Just have fun with it and go for whatever gets those juices flowin'! Happy 400 Followers, darlin'! *hugs tight and smooches yer cheek* MUAH! <333

DAX!!! Thank you so so much for following me and I know we haven’t had any lately (I’m sorry) but I love our little chats, they always make me smile 😊 I send you all the hugs and smooches right back to ya! ♥️

And thank you for sending in this prompt and being a part of my celebration . I chose Pierce for this one (maybe I’ll do Quinn too at some point) but I wanted to get this one out for you. But please be gentle, this is my first time writing for him. I hope you like it ♥️

I Hate Myself for Loving You

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Pairing: Donald Pierce x F! Reader

Warnings: A swear word or two, bit of angst, fluffy bunnies and unicorns

Word Count: 2k-ish

Summary: Your new job at Alkali-Transigen has you crushing on the head of security

A/N: This is my first time writing for Pierce, I hope I did an ok job. Thank you for reading!

You accepted the job at Alkali-Transigen because it was the only place willing to hire you with little laboratory experience but you also hoped it would be temporary. You were very familiar with what they did there.

Yes, they were mutants but they were children. They didn’t have families, they grew up inside the facility, treated like science experiments, and were designed to be used as weapons.

But they were just kids and they deserved to grow up in a place where they could just be…kids, not in a holding room or being watched by armed guards outside their rooms.

Even though you didn’t work directly with the kids, you did everything you could to make them feel like someone cared like by bringing them candy, little toys, coloring books, and crayons.

You just felt bad for them and always wished you could do more.

Donald Pierce was head of security and leader of a militant group called the Reavers and when you saw him on your first day at Transigen, you were smitten even though you knew you shouldn’t be. Everyone told you to stay away from him but you didn’t listen.

You had heard he dated a couple of the nurses at Transigen that didn’t end well. And he was also the one they sent out to bring back anyone that tried to run, so you did your best to keep your head down and do the job you were hired to do.

Temporary…it’s only temporary.

He found you working on a Saturday morning in the lab, finishing up some paperwork you didn’t get done the day before.

“Oh…I’m sorry, darlin’. I didn’t know anyone else was here.” He said.

God, his accent was sexy. You played it cool though.

“Oh it’s alright, Mr. Pierce. I’m just finishing up and I’ll be leaving soon, if you need me out faster I can just—“ You stated before he cut you off.

“Now, now I didn’t say you had to leave. You just took me by surprise, is all. That’s not easy to do either. And Mr. Pierce is too formal for someone like me, so please call me Donald or Donnie is fine too. It’s nice to meet you Miss…” He trailed off.

You were hypnotized by his sly smile and southern charm but you snapped out of your trance long enough to answer him.

“Oh! It’s y/l/n…y/f/n y/l/n. I just started a month or so ago.”

One side of his mouth curled up into a slight smile.

“Oh no, I remember. You had your hair pulled back in a low bun that day and I noticed you had a little skull and crossbones pin on your lab coat there.” He said. “As you can see, I’m a fan of the skull and crossbones also.” Chuckling a little, he pointed to the tattoo on his throat.

His memory was impressive. There were a lot of new hires that started that day and he remembered you.

“You have a good memory Mr. Pierce.” You said, completely forgetting that he said it was alright you call him by his first name.

“Well, I never forget a pretty face.” He said with a warm smile, flashing his gold tooth.

Heat rose to your cheeks and warmth spread across your chest as you felt yourself turn different shades of red which is when he asked you to go out for a drink with him. It was the first of many dates with Donald Pierce.

He definitely did not look like Prince Charming, however he could be VERY charming and sweet. That slight southern drawl when he’d call you “sweetheart” or “baby,” made you weak in the knees. The bad boy type always enticed you, gripped you tightly and never wanted to let go and Donnie was no exception.

It was difficult to explain why you were attracted to a guy who had a mechanical arm, a throat tattoo, and a gold tooth but he really was handsome and his bad boy persona made him irresistible to you. He couldn’t be all bad though, could he?

But you weren’t the only one who found his bad boy image irresistible.

It seemed like everywhere you went together, women found Donnie attractive and they never tried to hide it either but what really upset you was when he would flirt back. Who knows what he did when you weren’t around. Maybe you were starting to regret not taking the advice from your co-workers, they did warn you after all.

You wondered if any of them had developed deeper feelings for Donnie so they hated seeing him with you and you hated the fact that you might be in love with him. Was he husband material? Or were you just having fun?

He hasn’t said what his feelings are toward you either so maybe it was just a fling and that’s why he flirted with other women. There was never talk of being exclusive and Donnie did seem like the guy you used as a fling between boyfriends rather than being an actual boyfriend.

He seemed to really like you too though.

“You haven’t run screamin’ for the hills yet but I’m not exactly the kinda guy you bring home to meet mom, ya know? The things Transigen has asked me to do…you don’t know the half of it, sweetheart. But I have to be a strong leader and I relay the orders I get to the Reavers. I can’t appear weak. I’m just not a good guy. I promise you, I do my best not to hurt them when I bring them back after they run.” He told you.

“I know the kind of work you do. I tell myself that ‘it’s just his job, it’s not all that he is’. You’re not a bad guy, Donnie.” You told him.

It scared you to think of telling him how you actually felt about him. He said he was surprised that you didn’t even flinch a little when he touched his mechanical hand to your skin. It was something that he was always a little ashamed of and it surprised you that he actually shared that with you.

“I’m not whole, darlin’.” He had said.

You had touched his mechanical hand, held it in yours and told him that it was just a part of him. It didn’t make him any less of a person in your eyes but he worried. He worried about hurting you, if he gripped your skin too tightly there wasn’t any sensation in his hand so he didn’t know how much pressure he was applying.

“I know you’d never hurt me, Donnie. You never have.” You had said.

But that was a lie.

True, he had never hurt you physically but emotionally, it hurt to watch him flirt with other women though and more than you cared to admit to. It wasn’t necessarily jealousy, it was just humiliating.

And it all boiled over one night when you met him out for dinner and drinks at your favorite local bar. Earlier on the phone, he said he was having a rough day and that he just wanted to relax with dinner and drinks with “his girl.”

As you stepped into the crowded bar, you scanned the crowd for Donnie and found him sitting at a low table in the dimly lit bar area. A wide smile stretched across your lips as you got closer to him but that smile disappeared when you saw the beautiful blonde in a short tight dress sitting across from him.

“There she is. Hey baby.” He waved and turned to the blonde and said, “you’re in her seat, darlin’.”

Your cheeks flamed with anger and your tightly clenched fists rested at your sides with your knuckles showing white.

You couldn’t take it anymore.

“Ya know what? I’ll go. You can have dinner with “legs” here.” You said, turning on your heels and heading for the door.

You heard him call out after you.

“Baby wait! Y/N!”

Suddenly, you felt cold hard metal wrap around your wrist and then your body was being pulled into the coat closet.

“Let go of me, Donnie…NOW!” You yelled.

He shook his head and pressed his lips together in a straight line before saying, “No, I’m not letting go until you tell me what the hell that was all about, sweetheart.”

He gazed down at you with his sky blue eyes, standing close enough to you that you were sharing the same air and because he was holding onto you with his mechanical arm, he couldn’t feel how hot your skin was from the pent up anger you’ve been holding on to for awhile now.

“I don’t like lookin’ like a fool, Donald! How do you think that makes me feel when you flirt with other women like that? And that’s not the first time!” You said, sternly.

Still holding onto your wrist, he replied, “They flirt with me, baby. I don’t wanna be rude. Are ya jealous?” He asked calmly.

“I’m not jealous, I’m embarrassed and I am mad at you and I hate myself for it because it’s not like we’ve ever talked about being exclusive or anything, so I know I don’t really have any right to be angry or jealous but...” You said trailing off with tears burning the back of your eyes and turning away from him so he wouldn’t see the tears that were about to spill over and streak down your cheeks.

He let go of your wrist and with his other hand turned your head toward him and tilted your chin up so you were looking into his eyes.

“Baby, I don’t want you to feel that way. Why would you say that you hate yourself?” He asked.

You inhaled sharply before letting out a long exhale.

“Because…I’ve fallen for you, Donnie.” You whispered. “And I’m afraid you don’t feel the same way because of the way you are always flirting with other women in front of me.”

Your tears had spilled over.

“Well, number one that’s no reason to hate yourself, I am pretty easy to fall for. It’s the accent isn’t it.” He said with a smug smile on his face as you rolled your eyes. But his tone changed as he said, “I really don’t mean to flirt back, I am just tryin’ be polite, darlin’ but I’ll do better because…I’ve fallen for you too, Y/N.” He said, brushing the tear away from your cheek.

Shaking his head, he said. “I don’t hear the L-word very often. But that is what you meant, right?”

You snaked your arms around his neck and gave him a warm smile.

“Yes Donnie, that’s what I meant.” You said and gently pressed your lips to his. “I do love you, ya know when you’re not sitting with hot blondes in tight dresses.”

He let out a little laugh.

“Your ass is the only one I wanna look at in a short tight dress. I love you, sweetheart.” He said.

You pulled him into a tight embrace and Donald winced in pain.

“Easy darlin’, I got shot today.” He said with a slightly wicked smile.

Your mouth dropped as you lifted his shirt and saw the bloody bandage on his oblique but it didn’t look bad.

“Is this what you meant earlier when you said you had a ‘bad day!!?’” You asked with concern in your voice.

He captured your lips again, his were warm and firm as his tongue parted your lips to tangle with yours. The bristles of his beard lightly tickled your cheeks, causing you to giggle. His mechanical hand gripped your waist tightly, pulling you flush with him while his other hand tangled in your hair.

He winked and gave you a sly smile, showing off his gold tooth. “It’s just a flesh wound, baby. C’mon, I’ll tell ya all about it over dinner.”

Tagging: @munsonownsmyass @ilovewhiteroses (I know you ladies love Boyd also) feel free to ignore 🤣

[jinlizz-dragondrama]

A/N Sorry for the late chapter update with my birthday and fathers Day I was a bit busy. Also, I'm pregnant I have 9 more weeks until my little one is here so I was also busy with the nursery. Hopefully, now that I'm not as busy I'll continue pushing out chapters. Enjoy 💜

Chapter 5

Victory

Y/N POV

The bright and early sunrise starts to seep through the blinds of my room. Groaning, I try to seek shelter under my blankets, but not even they could shield me from the powerful sunbeams. I looked at my phone to check the time, and it was 7 a.m., rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and thanking the gods that it was the weekend. I have a couple of hours before the "tryouts" for the swim team, deciding to get out of bed and take a quick shower to freshen up. Once I'm finished I put on my bra and panties, with black shorts and a purple tank top. Opening up my blinds I look outside, noticing the busy street full of taxis, buses, and rows of cars, placing my hand under my chin and resting it on the windowsill. My phone rings, I jump and scramble to grab it, seeing it's a text from Donnie,  several texts from Cass and my dads asking where I was.  Quickly shooting Cass and my dads a text letting them know I'm at the safe house and that I'll be trying out for the swim team. Cass messages me back telling me I'll def get in and that she'll be busy with training most of the day and won't be able to message me til later tonight. Papa Brutus messages back saying he's glad that I'm ok and wishes me good luck. I then go to Donnie's message while smiling brightly and text him back.

Donnie: Good morrow Y/N I hope you had a restful night's sleep.

Me: Indeed I did, what are you doing up this early?

Donnie: I can ask you the same thing

Me: Well I asked first, so answer the question

Donnie: Fine, Alas with me working in my lab I'm known for staying up late and only going to sleep if it's necessary. But a good cup of black coffee helps me stay awake.

Me: Ah I see. Your coffee order is easy to remember. Now I think sleep is very important gotta keep the mind fresh.

Donnie: Yea, you sound like my brothers always telling me to take a break, but with a mind like mine it never sleeps.

Me: Well maybe I can change that

Donnie:...

Me: What I mean is show you the perks of sleeping...maybe make it an experiment of sorts.

Donnie: You had me at an experiment

Me: Now as to why I'm awake Well the sun is my worst nemesis and I have a Swim tryout today.

Donnie: Well once you're done maybe you can come over

Before I can text back I get another couple of texts from him in quick secession.

Donnie: April will be there.....

Donnie: You don't have to come

Donnie: But everyone has been asking about you, especially Leon

3rd Person POV

Donnie cringes when he types his twin's name, it would seem Leon has a special interest in Y/N and Donnie has no idea how to feel about it. He's been asking questions nonstop about Y/N, so he's been holed up in his lab avoiding him, trying to work on something anything to shove down these feelings/emotions. Researching was no help at all. He pulls himself from the depths of his overthinking brain and sees that Y/N has messaged back.

Y/N: Sure, once I'm done with tryouts I'll pop over.

Y/N POV

After I send the text I grab my black gym bag that's covered in stickers and iron on logos. Stuffing a bathing suit in, with water shoes, a wallet, a book I've been trying to finish, a Swim cap, goggles, and shoving my phone in my surprisingly deep butt pocket in my shorts. (LOL shorts pockets are never deep enough for a phone) Putting the strap over my shoulder and slipping into my rollerblade sneakers. I give Cass a quick call letting her know what I'm up to I walk out the front door lock it, and clinking my heels together I rollerskate to the school, letting the security guard know I'm here for the tryouts he lets me through and gives me directions to the pool. I make my way to the pool, it seems to be a good turnout of students some I've seen in passing in the hallway and some I haven't seen at all. I write my name on the rooster book, and a male and female coach gets our attention letting us know that we should change into our suits and that the boys will be on one side of the pool while the girls will occupy the other. Quickly changing into my f/c one-piece suit and putting on my goggles, I expertly stuff all my hair into my XL swim cap, jumping into the pool I swim over to the girls and await instructions. Each girl takes turns swimming 2 laps of each stroke style; backstroke, breaststroke, butterfly, and freestyle. When it's my turn I easily complete each stroke with precision and grace, without the use of my elemental powers. Being in the water is so relaxing and calming for me and swimming is just a plus, if I could live in the water I would.

After everyone is finished with the "warm up" as the coach called it we were given a partner to swim against. I was partnered with a shorter sweet looking girl who shyly waved at me and I returned the wave. Quickly introduced ourselves and jumped into the pool to do a quick freestyle 50-meter swim. (50 meters is going from one end of the pool, touching it, and swimming back to the end you started at). We step onto the small diving boards and the coach yells out

"Get into position!"

"Take your mark" We pull our bodies forward but not far enough to fall off the diving board while using our strongest foot to ground us. The horn is blown and we push ourselves straight into the water. I hear the splash I make and the gurgling of the water as it envelopes me in its cool embrace. With my arms out in front of me and moving my feet and legs in a mermaid-like fashion under the water, holding my breath until I have to come up for air, I start to do the freestyle stroke. Turning my head to the side to breathe I can see the girl is far behind me, but I continue to swim, once I get to the end of the pool I flip over under the water, facing the way I came, pushing off the wall of the pool with my feet and blowing air bubbles out from my nose so they wouldn't fill with water I continue my swim until I make it back to where I started. I take off my goggles and stay in the pool to catch my breath, waiting for my swim partner to finish and to catch my breath. When she reaches the side I'm on we high-five each other and climb out. Grabbing my towel I dry myself off and soon everyone is finished, the coaches congratulate us on being on the team and how excited they are to see how much we will improve as the season goes on. Even though the tryouts were just to see everyone's swimming skills and potential everyone made the team.

Changing back into my street clothes, I text Cass, Donnie, and my papas that I'm on the team. I get congratulations from each of them except Cass but I know she'd flip if she was able to read it. Donnie messages me that he will meet me at the school with April and walk me to his family's place. As soon as I exit the school grounds I see a familiar purple hoodied figure and a green letterman jacket wearer right next to him. I quickly make my way over and shout out to them.

"Hey, guys!" I say cheerfully

"What up gurl! Heard you made the team!" April said

"Yea it was no biggie" I reply as we start making our way down the street. When we are out of earshot of anyone Donnie pipes up and says.

"I guess we will have to see who is the better swimmer, seeing as I'm a turtle and all," he said smugly

"Is everything a competition with you Donnie?" April retorts

Donnie just shrugs and puts his arms behind his head as he continues to walk. I roll my eyes and follow the duo to a pizza shop. April and Donnie grab the huge stack of pizza boxes and we make our way down an alley. I'm not as concerned as I should be given I'm going down an alley that's filled with dumpsters and trash. Definitely something out of a horror film, we stop by a manhole that is easily lifted by Donnie with one hand while balancing the pizza boxes. April climbs down the ladder without hesitation and I peek down at her while she waves up at me.

"After you M'lady" Donnie says while smirking at me

I jump down, but slip on some sludge landing on my butt with an "oomph". Donnie tries his best to hold back his laughter but a chuckle slips through his snout as he jumps down to join us. When I stand up and dust myself off I give him a playful nudge that was hard enough to make him stumble a bit and for a split second lose his balance on holding the boxes. Leaving him behind I follow April til we get to a steel door which is opened by her with quick taps on the keypad. We walk in and I couldn't help but be in complete shock as to what I see a whole underground garage where a turtle shell-shaped tank was located, I continue to follow April we reach another steel door and April types another code in and slowly creaks open. I'm welcomed by two brothers Mikey and Leo skateboarding on their half pipe, walking over I lean over a railing and watch them. Leo is the first one to see me and he expertly jumps off his skateboard and his board lands in his hand while looking at me smugly.

"Well, looks who's finally decided to show up!" Leo says

*Gasp* "Oh Me Gosh Y/N and April are here," Mikey says excitedly

Donnie clears his throat from behind the pizza boxes.

"Oh and Donnie is back," Leo says sarcastically.

Donnie scoffs and makes his way through another set of tunnels, we follow and enter a living room filled with bean bags and a couch. Their Dad Splinter has parked his butt right in front of the projector screen, he looked quite comfy in his lazy boy recliner and is watching an interesting-looking show while laughing loudly. Donnie goes to the kitchen to put the pizzas down on the counter. Mikey comes up to me and smiles happily. The turtles congratulate me on making the swim team and give high 3's.

"While dad watches his show care to play a game of Mario Cart"? He asked

"I've never played before...." I say shyly

"WHAT," All turtles and April said in unison

I turn to see the huge turtle standing in the entranceway to the TV room looking shocked at my statement.

"Well, we better change that," April said while grabbing my hand and pulling me towards their arcade room where several gaming consoles are hooked up. April grabs the controllers for the Nintendo Switch but one was grabbed from her hand by the blue turtle.

"Me thinks we should rock, paper, scissors and see who gets to beat the new girl first" Leo stated while bouncing it lightly in his hand.

Donnie returned from putting the pizzas down but brought one box with him.

"Well how about a little wager to make this interesting, whoever wins gets the first and last slice of pizza," he says while twirling the pizza on one finger but almost drops it and instantly catches it

"Sounds fair, I'm game," I say

Mikey and Leo play rock, paper scissors, and Leo wins, Mikey pouts a little. Then Leo and Raph play and Leo wins that round, April, and Leo have a go but it's a tie, then Leo wins best out of three. Lastly is Leo and Donnie, I couldn't help but feel the tension in the room rise. Both brothers glare at each other and I could swear I heard some cowboy showdown music....which April was playing from her phone. I couldn't help but laugh. It was an intense battle each time it was a tie and soon we didn't see an end to this, so I interjected saying.

"Since you guys want to get your butts beat so bad. I'll just play against the two of you"

That seemed to calm down the tension and I sit on a bean bag in front of the TV with a controller, Leo cuts Donnie off and gets the second controller, smugly looks at Donnie, and starts the game. Donnie rolls his eyes and folds his arms across his plastron. Mikey sits next to me with his legs crossed and gives me pointers and somehow I win. I flail my arms about in glee, giggling happily and accidentally letting out a snort. I blush profusely and everyone around me laughs as well, except Donnie who slightly blushes from hearing my cute little snort but hides his blush by covering his face with his palm. After he recovered Donnie takes Leo's place in the beanbag, and he changes his face to his emotionally unavailable bad boy image face (iykyk 🤪).

"You ready to lose?" He said confidently

I look over at him with a quirked eyebrow and it seemed like my purple eyes glowed with a mischievous gleam.

"Oh I think you'll be the one losing" I counter

"Scoff, the probability of that happening is like 1%," he said while rolling his eyes

"Well that means I still have a chance"

We start the game and it's an intense round we are neck and neck but I luckily pick up a blue spiny shell and toss it towards Donnie's character which knocks him back, crossing the finish line in victory.

I look over at the stunned purple turtle and smile.

"You were saying?"

Unable to utter a single word, Leo in his stead hands me the pizza box while chuckling at his brothers reaction and I take the first slice of pizza, the cheese pull was a sight to behold. April takes a quick pic of this moment and laughs at Donnie's face. Donnie snaps out of his shock and a small smile appears on his face. The rest of the day goes off without a hitch at least until I let slip that I never saw a Jupiter Jim or a Lou Jitsu movie which started a whole Splinter pulling out all the Lou Jitsu movies, Raph grabbing the Jupiter Jim movies and a lecture with Donnie using the projector to get his point across as to how these movies are some sort of right of passage. We start watching the Jupiter Jim movies which I'll admit were pretty alright, I watch intently while snacking on popcorn and pizza. Soon April is asleep snuggled up next to me on the bean bag, Leo and Mikey are snoring on the couch, Raph is sleeping soundly on the floor and Donnie is typing away on his tech gauntlet, in a bean bag next to me, the blue hue from the screen illuminating his face. I blush slightly at how handsome the lightning makes his features look. I grab the last slice of pizza and as I'm taking a bite, Donnie says quietly

"Don't get used to it, my calculations next time will be correct."

"I look forward to it" finishing the slice and slowly start dozing off. My head gently lands on Donnie's shoulder, he jumps from the sudden contact, looking up from vis gauntlet he sees my peaceful sleeping face. Grumbling quietly to himself he tries his best not to move and graciously allows my head to rest there. Later on when everyone wakes up they see our sleeping figures, with my head still on his shoulder and his head on mine, April takes a pic while quietly laughing and Leo asks her to send it to him. He will definitely use this as blackmail later. (Donnie voice "Evil Laugh!!")

[kiankiwi]

Baby bear

Summary: a little aus late night puke sesh

I'm tired so I assume this isn't edited very well lol but enjoy nonetheless

for @elvisthesillygoose and her love for sickfics!

***

Austin bolted upright in confusion. He looked around unsure of what woke him until he realized his mouth was watering and his stomach was angry and roiling. He whimpered and swallowed thickly, the noise waking you. "What? Baby are you okay?" Austin was frozen in place. "I'm gonna-" He tried. He was made of stone and there was nothing he could do to stop the stream of vomit climbing up his throat. "I'm gonna..." You reached out to rub his arm, patiently waiting for him to finish his sentence when it happened.

Austin threw up all down himself and made a puddle of vomit, throwing up into his own lap. He seemed to not even know what was happening until it was all over and he was able to look around more clearly.

Your motherly instincts take over as soon as he starts vomiting and you rub his back shushing him. "Oh, okay, okay, it's alright you're okay." You speak gently to him even though you're pretty sure he's still in his big headspace. At least he was when he went to bed with you. But sickness and vomit do tend to cause him to drop quicker than other things.

It was just as quickly over as it had begun. Austin looked to you, lip trembling and terror in his eyes. "Mommy, I frew up!" And began to sob, unsure what to do or how to move. You turned to turn on your bedside light and inspect the damage, still keeping one hand on your husbands sweaty back "I know baby, I know. You're okay I promise. Here, don't move. Let mama help you." As instructed, Austin didn't move a muscle while you carefully stripped the blanket off the bed, carefully balled it up and put it in the corner to be dealt with later.

Discarding the soiled blanket, you came up to Austin and held your hands out. "You're alright sweetie, can momma feel your forehead?" Austin plopped his head into your hand as you felt for a fever. "No fever, was it just your tummy baby?" Austin nodded, sniffling.

He explained how one minute he was sleeping and the next minute he was covered in sick.

"Alright so nothing hurts baby bear? Do you feel like you're going to puke some more?" He shook his head. and hugged himself, wanting a clean blanket to wrap around himself. It must've just been a one and done, thank god.

"Alright come here, you." You picked up a very sleepy Austin and brought him into your en suite bathroom and sat him on the counter while you started a bath. "Whatcha doing momma?" Austin asked, letting a yawn loose. "Well, I figured we'd get all that icky sweat off ya and get you into some fresh jammies, that sound good?"

Austin whined. "Wanna sleeeeeeep! Don't wanna get wet!!!"

"I know honey," You said, turning to give him a hug. "But it'll be only for a few minutes and you'll feel so much better." Austin just put his head on your shoulder, pouting. "Humph," He sighed, clearly unimpressed with having to stay awake longer. "I know buddy, let's just get this over with then you and momma can have some snuggles." You said as you placed him in the lukewarm tub. "Tell momma if you feel sick again okay?" Austin nodded, sleepily.

Minutes later, he looked as though he was staring up at the ceiling but his eyes were closed. Sleep had won over his tiny sick body. "Oh you poor thing." You quietly pulled the drain and wrapped Austin up in a fluffy towel. He startled a bit but realizing where he was, cuddled right back into your familiar hold. "You're alright mister." You whisper as you give him a kiss on the temple and take him into the nursery to be changed.

Thankfully his Nemo nightlight stays on 24/7 so you can change him without turning on brighter lights. Austin wakes up a bit as you place him on the changing table and grab a diaper, quickly putting it on him. "Oh hi sleepyhead. It's alright I know you don't feel good. You can go back to bed, momma will stay right here." Austin just blinks up at you sleepily for a minute before stretching his arms above his head and letting out a satisfied grunt at the nice feeling of his now stretched limbs. "Woah! Good stretch baby! You just woke up to show mama your big stretch? Good job!" you cooed. Austin just stared up at you, eyes glassy, definitely half asleep.

"Alright bub, should we go get you a baba?" Austin poked his tongue out at you, curious. "I think that's a yes, let's go." You picked him up and he snoozed on your shoulder on his ride to the kitchen.

Bottle in hand, you brought him back up to the nursery and sat with him in his rocking chair. You noticed he truly relaxed again once you started rocking. You teased the bottle into his mouth to let him gain back the nutrients he threw up earlier.

You rocked him silently as he slowly ate the bottle and gave him bum pats to soothe him.

"Good night baby bear, momma loves you so much." You whispered as you put the bottle down and watched him sleep, so happy he was feeling better.