#i started freaking out so bad because what if my decision is stupid and dumb

[skunkes]

some recent thoughts !

I am NOT asking for "solutions" to anything brought up here. This is my disclaimer because for some reason there's ppl here who get really mad when I don't follow their unsolicited advice 😭 I'm simply thinking out loud...

-

Anyway. Right now finding a job doesn't seem feasible even though I'm trying to do it and having a friend support and guide me, but regardless, I'm thinking ahead and getting nervous because I don't think anybody believes I can Make It and Survive if i move out. Including myself.

Its a weird feeling of like. I don't know. I want to move out, and I'd try my hardest to make it work of course, but my family's reaction to the thought of it is making me so nervous. Like. As if I'm being Stupid for thinking I can. And so I keep being torn about it again.

Like what if I'm being insanely naïve in thinking I could ever move out and live alone and keep myself alive. Funnily enough this fear is ENHANCED by the fact that I've never been allowed to have many life experiences. I know nothing. What makes me think I can do this? I don't know. I dont think its going to be a walk in the park at all but what if it's even harder than expected. And now I have egg on my face bc I was so desperate to leave and ended up having a rude awakening to the reality of things, not knowing how the Real World works. Grass is greener and all that.

It just makes me feel really really dumb for wanting it. And more nervous about pushing for it and fully focusing on making it happen. I cant fully commit because I dont knowww. I could find a well paying job out of town tomorrow and I'd start panicking because do I really want this? What if I'm making the wrong decision? What if everyone is shaking their heads and ready to watch me fail. I want change. I hate change. I fear change.

(the other thing that's making me nervous is, well, I am 26 and I do want my life to begin and want my own space and life and routine, social interactions, ability to transition and make my own choices, and space for hobbies etc but I fear that decades from now I'll still be like I should not have rushed to leave...! Spent as much time as possible with everyone under the same roof ! + This safety net will not be here forever. Though I recognize that this is 100% caused by me having parents that are. older than the parents of most people I know. I was always going to have less time. And unfortunately this is immutable. But still very hard to mentally deal with. Guilt.)

[idontplaytrack]

hiiii <3

Can you do one where Janis has been having a lot or trouble in school, and her friends have always kind of jokingly called her dumb or stupid because she makes bad or irrational decisions and she gets overwhelmed and at a big group sleepover freaks out and regina has to calm her down in front of everyone.

✧ Shut up, shut up

Janis ‘Imi’ike x Regina George

Warnings: coarse language, teasing/bullying, Janis gets angry, some crying, self-loathing, implied smut at the end

Janis has been trying to play nice. But her feelings have been hurt by those closest to her— over and over again. One night, she loses it in front of everyone, needing Regina to step in and defuse the situation.

“G, hey.” Janis walks up to Regina, backpack slung over one shoulder.

“Hey, you.” Regina’s flashes her a smile when she came up before her, pressing a kiss to her cheek. Janis barely reacted, causing her to ask if she was okay.

“My new homeroom teacher gave me detention for doing embroidery work in the classroom. It’s not like I wasn’t listening, y’know?”

“Ugh, I’m sorry, baby.” Regina puts an arm around her and they headed to their next class together.

“At least it’s only an hour. I’ll be right there at your place as soon as I get outta detention.”

“Mm, okay.” Regina hums, snaking an arm around her waist. “Want me to cook?”

Janis agrees with an eager nod, “That’d be nice.”

Entering the classroom with some time to spare, the couple sat down at their usual desks, Janis takes out her class materials before Regina followed suit. When their teach walked in, the students immediately quiet down. But still, the teacher standing in the front of the class seemed visibly unhappy. “Yes, ‘Imi’ike. I’m looking at you.”

Janis was startled, then confused. “Don’t look so confused, you’re not a freshman. You should know your clothing choice is against school code.”

“I…have been wearing the same kind of outfits all year. Why is it that it’s become a problem today?”

“It’s too short.” The teacher nearly seethed, “Say another word and I’m giving you an hour detention.”

Regina bites back a scoff, but the teacher saw it anyway. “What’s seems to be the problem, George?”

“Nothing, Mr. Moss.”

“‘Imi’ike, one hour. And cover up.”

Not wanting to escalate the situation and cause more trouble for herself, she stayed silent and dug through her backpack for her jacket, put it on and zipped it up.

Janis was starting to feel irritated again. Everything seemed to be going wrong already. And the day’s barely started. She was tense from the anger and frustration that was bubbling up within her— Regina could tell. That meant Janis would definitely need to let go of that emotion after school, some way somehow. Usually, Regina would help her out, cuddling, or much more. Other times, what Janis needed would be to scream, cry or both. Very rarely, Janis would immediately just punch something. Regina hated that last method the most because Janis would end up hurting herself, and that, hurt Regina.

When lunchtime rolled around, Janis got herself three hours of detention and a substitute teacher to hate her. Really, all Janis did was clarify the number of pages in the workbook they had to complete and the teacher immediately responded by yelling.

“Fuck, fuck. I hate today.” Janis mutters, sitting down at the usual bench with her friends. Regina was right next to her, “What happened?”

“What didn’t happen, G?”

“Oh, come on. Don’t be so dramatic, Janis. I’m sure it’s not that bad.” Karen remarked. Janis sucks in a deep breath, keeping her gaze focused on her Converse. She shrugs off Regina’s hand on her back and was fiddling with her thumbs, painfully hard. “Stop.” Gretchen interjects before Karen could continue, “Don’t say anything else. That’s not nice, Karen.”

“But she always—” Aaron added on, “You don’t have the best temper, Janis.”

Now, Regina wanted to slap him. Janis quickly grabbed her bag and ran to the bathroom, feeling like a knife’s been repeatedly slicing through her heart hearing each passing word.

“Janis.” Regina tried to hold her back by the wrist but she easily got free and went on her way.

“Very good, guys. Y’all are such children.” Damian scoffs, Regina leaves the table to go check on Janis.

“Just leave me alone, Regina.” Janis spoke through gritted teeth, hands clutching the sink countertop.

“No, I will not.”

“You need to eat.” Janis says softly.

“Oh, and you don’t?” Regina replied.

“Fuck, why?” Janis slams her fist to the counter, Regina internally cringes, “Jay, let’s go back to lunch. Ignore them, okay?”

“Really? They always do this, make little comments about me, about how I have shitty temper, always being like ��oh, it’s just Janis being Janis.‘. They don’t see how hard I’ve been trying to change for the better, and how sometimes, the things I get into trouble for aren’t my fault.”

————

When the last bell rang, Janis snaps out of her trance. It felt like she blacked out after lunch and just got through the rest of her day— without any other punishments, fortunately. Regina waits for her right outside the classroom and they head to detention together. “Mom isn’t home for the week. You wanna come over after? I’ll wait for you to get out,”

“Sure.” Janis says, barely audible.

Janis didn’t say much of anything after that. Regina quickly bid her goodbye and went off to her car and waited. Well, she did drive off to the supermarket to get some ingredients to cook, and snacks. But the three hours went by fast enough. Janis got out of detention, obviously in a bad mood. She didn’t say anything and just rested her head on the window as she looked out of it. Regina doesn’t force her to talk, knowing what to do. Once they got to Regina’s room, Janis just yanked the jacket off and crashed into the bed to sleep. Regina didn’t want to stop her, because she clearly needed that. It was better than her punching a table and bruising her hand. She moves herself to lay right next to Janis, carefully wrapping an arm around her and planting a kiss to her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry. None of what happened today was your fault.”

“Clearly it has to be, even our friends are saying it like I don’t know it.”

“Janis.” Regina sighs softly, “Listen to me. It’s not on you, that’s on them. They’re just unfair, angry…sometimes, immature. Some teachers just take their own frustrations out on students and it sucks. But, don’t apologise for things that aren’t your fault, Janis. Please.”

“I can’t help it.” Janis exhales shakily. “They still think I’m like— unbreakable. I’m not, okay? I’m not. I’m fucking weak.”

“You are not weak, Janis. No.” Regina held her tighter, kissing her again, “You are not weak, Janis. You are the strongest person I’ve ever known, and that’s coming from someone who got hit by a bus.”

Janis’ body relaxed gradually as she listens to Regina speak, and her eyes also fluttered shut. She doesn’t say anything though, not because she didn’t know what to say. But because she was afraid of crying even harder.

“Just sleep, it’s okay. I’m here. Everything’s going to be alright, I got you.”

They both woke up again around dinner time and headed straight for the kitchen to prepare dinner. “Pasta?”

“Okay.” Janis agrees, leaning against the counter. “The gang’s coming over, right? That’s tonight— the sleepover?”

“Yeah. Do you want me to cancel?”

“No, it’s fine.” Janis shrugs, “As long as they shut up about me.”

“I’ll make sure of it.” Regina grins, smooching Janis on the cheek then all over her face, making her giggle.

The both of them cooked together, enjoying each other’s company and chatting about anything and everything under the sun. “Holy shit, this smells amazing.”

“Oh, thank you~” Regina bites back a grin, grabbing a plate to start portioning the food for themselves and the gang that were arriving any minute. “Never made this before.”

“Eh, well, you’re a good cook, G.” Janis smiled cheekily, grabbing a strand of noodle from the pot to try it. Regina shrieks, “Janis, oh my God!”

“My hands are clean!” Janis laughs, throwing her hands up in mock defeat. Just as Regina was about to say something back, the doorbell rang. “I’ll go get the door.” Janis says, walking away to the foyer. “Okay, thanks, baby.”

They say hi to her and Janis. Cady, Gretchen and Damian gave her a hug. First thing they did? They gathered around the dining table to have dinner as a group. Janis quietly went over to the fridge to pour herself a drink but her hand slipped and she dropped her mug when she felt a sudden squeezing pain on one side of her head.

“Oh, shit.” Someone gasped. Aaron, it was Aaron.

“Are you okay?” Janis heard Regina and Gretchen.

“Why so distracted, you dummy?” Aaron asks, it was clearly a joke. He always called her these nicknames and she didn’t mind, having a self-deprecating sense of humour. But lately, she just wasn’t having it. She’s had enough of these unkind nicknames and teasing. Regina rushed to her side to see if she cut her hand, “Don’t touch it. I’ll take care of it.”

“I’m fine, go back to dinner.”

“Janis, are you just trying to use the fact that you got detention to smash things?” Damian asked with a laugh. The rest of the gang chuckles.

“Shut up.” Janis mutters, clearly in some distress. She wasn’t even looking Regina in the eye now. “Shut up.” Janis repeated, “All of you shut the fuck up. I don’t need anyone else calling me dumb, stupid, insinuating that I’m violent and cannot control my emotions. Shut up!”

Janis swallowed her tears painfully, sliding down into a squat while her back rested against the counter. “I’m sorry.” Janis said quietly to Regina. “It’s okay, it’s just a mug. As long as you’re not injured, I couldn’t care less about a measly piece of ceramic.”

“I’m such a fuck up, I ruin everything.”

“Ja— baby, you’re not a fuck up. Okay? These people need to learn to get the hint and stop. I’m sure they wouldn’t like it too if they were in your shoes. I’m proud of you for speaking up, okay? Never ever say that about yourself again, that’s the last thing you’ll ever be. You are not a fuck up, Janis.”

“I don’t get it— you guys could tell she wasn’t happy about those damn nicknames and you all still continued? And you just had to laugh at Damian’s stupid ‘joke’? How would you feel if that’s all you heard about yourself from your friends?”

“I’m sorry, Janis. I’ll stop using those names, it was wrong, and I thought it was okay because you never stopped me and in fact laughed along. That doesn’t make it right, I should’ve paid better attention.”

“I’ll never call you dramatic again.” Karen swore, “I promise.”

Janis appreciated and acknowledged their apologies but ultimately decided she needed to spend more time alone to calm down. So, she excused herself and finished up her dinner by the pool. “Hey.” Regina came out to check on her a little later after she put on a movie on the TV for the gang. “I got you your drink.”

Janis turned around, taking the cup from Regina. “Thanks.”

Regina sat down on the low pool chair, groaning slightly as she did so due to the lingering discomfort in her back. “Do you feel better?”

“I guess.” Janis sniffed, picking at the food on her plate. “I don’t know, I think I’m just feeling weird because my mom and dad have been fighting a lot again lately and I just feel so…not like myself. And I — I fucking hate it. I hate that every little thing’s been pissing me off.”

“Babe, please…you’re a human being. Of course you’d feel emotions. Scared, worried, annoyed, sad. Whatever it is, you’d better feel them instead of bottling it all up.”

Janis cracked a smile, eating another forkful of the pasta.

“There’s that smile.” Regina coos, “Don’t you dare lose that smile of yours.”

Janis blushes, poorly hiding it. “You’re so cute.” Regina chuckles to herself, watching Janis getting flustered. “Though I must say…that too you wore at school today? So damn hot.”

“Oh, yeah?” Janis guffaws, setting her finished plate down, “Which am I then? Cute? Or hot?”

“Nice try, you’re both.” Regina turned to face her properly, patting her knee, “Let’s uh…take this up to my room?”

“Tempted.” Janis laughs quietly, “But what do you think we should do about the gang then?”

“Who cares?! They have plenty of stuff to do. Most of the gang’s kissing each other anyway.”

“Well, thank you so very much for putting that image into my head.” Janis snorted, shuddering in disgust.

Regina sighs, pushing herself up off the pool chair then extending her arm for Janis to grab her hand, “Let’s go, pretty girl.”

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

💭A/N:

Enjoy this half-assed attempt. Took me all day but I’m still not entirely satisfied with how it turned out. Hope it’s still okay though🤡

[respectthepetty]

The Loyal Pin - Episode 15

Before I actually began this recap, let me just bask in Patricia freaking the hell out when Kuea's pregnant wife, who she was warned about, actually shows up to the wedding she forced onto Pin.

Well it if isn't the consequences to your dumb ass actions, Patricia!

LOOK AT HER!

Oh shit! And now Pin has passed the hell out! I knew a girl in high school who would pass out whenever she got in trouble, and we all thought it was a medical condition at first, but one time, she passed out on the band field during morning practice, yet fell in such a way that her flute didn't get damaged, and the entire band spread that news like wildfire, so I, a kid who would NEVER be caught dead near the band hall, heard about it by second period, and homegirl was roasted accordingly in fourth period Stats when someone told her to pass out before the test so we could get out of taking it but to make sure not to damage her the calculator. Point is - Pin is band girl. This is triflin' behavior. This is not a medical condition.

And Prik is just rubbing salt in her wounds. "Anin was fighting all the way until the bitter end for your love, but once she realized you were still going to marry a man who had a whole ass pregnant wife, she decided to go to the beach instead of attending your dumb wedding"

I really disliked Aon at the start of this show, but now her faces with Anin on this beach trip are amazing because Anin is going through it, and Aon is just like, "You wanna put some cucumbers on your eyes since you've been crying so much." She is helping, but also judging, and I like that.

This is what a true ally looks like. Shit was going DOWN in his palace, and all he could think about was telling his sister.

Take notes, Anon! Ya sloppy!

Look how happy a Blue Beauty is when her girlfriend's wedding is stopped by the pregnant woman nobody would believe existed. She is smiling for love. I'm smiling for spite.

And Pin is wearing Anin's color as she, too, looks up at the sky. Glad Prik's little guilt trip worked.

PENELOPE, NO! NOT AGAIN, GIRL!

Okay, existential crisis Barbie. Quit being so damn dramatic.

Penelope planned to go through with that wedding, yet is acting all sad because Anin didn't immediately rush back to her. BARBARA! YOU'RE DOING TOO MUCH, SIS!

And now Patricia is wearing Pin's color to show she cares. You know what would show she cares? Her actually apologizing TO PIN! Her saying "sorry I fucked up and told you to die" or something like that. Doesn't haven't to be those exact words, but anything would be better than the NOTHING she is doing right now.

Penelope always has a dream about Anin leaving her or DYING, and even in her dreams, Penelope is too damn dramatic. ¡Cálmate, güey!

Wait. Is this green or orange? Someone needs to get the colorist on the phone because night time does not make a dress an entirely different color!

But the entire scene is beautiful, so the colorist made some decisions, and I cannot say they were bad decisions.

Anin laughing while Penelope is in pain is food for my petty soul.

Because Penelope is too smart to be this dumb! How did she not realize that Anin was upset that she was marrying a man and moving that man into her palace? Anin TOLD her that, but did she think Anin was joking? WTF, girl. Shut that pretty mouth of yours. I've heard enough stupidity come out of those beautiful lips for a lifetime.

Now Anin is laughing at Penelope in the house! Thank goodness because Penelope is still wildin' with these ridiculous questions! She knows nothing happened between Anin and these other women because she HEARD Anin crying about her MARRYING A MAN, yet has the audacity to pout. Penelope, just pass out again, so we can stop hearing you say irrational shit.

Anin is wiping her down with a blue towel *wink* but the green/orange dress is throwing me for a loop, so I cannot properly enjoy this.

For two chicks that just got back together after shit hit the fan when their relationship was exposed, they do not have any sense of self-preservation. Standing out on the balcony hugging each other after having sex is a choice. The wrong one.

WHY IS ANIN APOLOGIZING TO PATRICIA?! And why hasn't Patricia apologized to Pin?! And why is Anin still wearing green?! She is not a Green Girl! There is nothing chill about Anin!

There is one episode left and I need Patricia to apologize to Pin and for Anin to wear pink for her Pink Person because Pin is struggling with her color still. Quit playing with my emotions, show!

This mama is scared. She has me convinced that the closet is better than telling the dad. I'd listen to her, but Anin would never because she has no chill; therefore, she is not a Green Girl. GET THAT COLOR OUTTA HERE!

At long last, we have made it to the final boss. I don't play video games, but if this is anything like Kirby, shit's about to get messy!

But I know all will end well since Anin still has to wear pink to solidify her love for Pin.

Or this really will be the final stage of Kirby.

Pink. On Body. NOW!

[myheartisonthetrain]

okay so i haven't done the thing yet because i'm scared but i did cut my hair and now i look more androgynous hopefully but the autism in my eyes makes it look dumb it's also 2:30am and i dmasnjfodksp headache i forgot how to post on here and my avoidant self wants to nuke this account and make a new one so nobody knows me but i will try to resist and try not to feel like i am setting a bad example / people are watching me / people are horrendously misinterpreting me and putting little labels on me and containing me in a box BECAUSE and let me tell you this usually i'm so honest on this account i just do my thing and if i say i hate someone i do in that moment and that's fine because it lasts like 2 hours maximum and YOU KNOW THAT okay but if people start to know me or even worse THINK they know me then that's bad because then they think i'm a bad person when i do my thing when really this is a vent account not my main my main is very different hhhjrrrjjhh i am much more responsible there but now i feel like i have to perform here too and that is a curse aaahahhhhhhhhaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhruuuuhhhhjjjjhhhAH sometimes i don't like being alive because i make decisions when i'm alive but then when i die again i think that was so stupid and now i'm dead again CANT YOU SEE AAUUGGH

right shut up noa that was the cringest thing you've said on here it sounded like something you'd email Mj in year 8 to get attention and solace

and my friend OH okay enough ranting actually i have things to tell you 🐼 is planning to run away on monday and 🐻 is freaking out (this has happened before. multiple times) i can't convince her to do anything else but i've just said what i could and told her there is hope and the world is much more than her house (her family's abusive) and tried to calm 🐻 down, i ended up crying because of a mixture of things (that, anticipation of dming my abuser, missing Mj, wondering if 🐸 only likes me because i'm her 'therapist', feeling outcasted, 🐱 is not gay and flirts with me because she does it to everyone as a joke) and also i'm 90% sure ß is not my rs teacher next year so that's bittersweet. i like writing entries like this it helps me keep track of myself. and steve is ghosting me on reddit i think :( which is fine but sad because he's fun and nice

[page150]

My Baby 💎 Latrelle x Reader

Request: None

Pronouns: None Stated

Word Count: 1615

Warnings: angst , really small mention of blood

“What did I say about getting blood on my carpet?” You mumbled, dabbing the cut on Latrelle’s cheek with a soft tissue.

“Not to,” He replied.

You shake your head, tossing the bloody tissue into the trash can. He was bruised up bad this time. Cuts on his face, a black eye, he was even limping. The blood that dripped from his nose onto your white carpet seemed less of a problem compared to him.

“I’ll clean it for you.” He squints his eyes shut as you clean one of the bigger cuts on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it, you need to rest.”

You glance at the time. You had woken up an hour ago to the sound of someone knocking at your door. Of course it was Latrelle, beat up. You knew he had been messing with César again.

You wondered why it was so hard for Latrelle to leave César alone. César rarely messed with him. It was always Latrelle actively making things tense for everyone. He made it hard to be in a relationship with him, while also respecting César and his friends. You toss Latrelle a blanket and a pillow from your bed, before climbing in.

“You can sleep on the couch. Then leave in the morning.”

“Babe, you really gonna treat me that way?”

“Yes, I am because you had the nerve to wake me up at 3am to bandage you up because you were starting some stupid b.s. with César.”

He rolled his eyes and tried to get in the bed with you. “You know it’s the life I live y/n. I have to keep them on their toes or they’ll get comfy. You can’t change me baby”

This pissed you off. You pushed him off of the bed. “No because I know the life you live. I'm not trying to change you, it’s just when you're messing with him that’s when I get mad. Do you know how hard it is to watch you run and start a fight with César and have to baby you back to health, only to look Monse in the eye the next morning to say hello. It’s really freaking hard.”

He throws his hands up, “Whatever you’re bugging. You always take things too far y/n. I wasn’t even really messing with him. It was only him and his girl. He was on me for no reason so I had to say something. It wasn’t my fault he was acting all tough like he was gon do something.”

Your eyes widen and you sit up. “Monse was there?” You ask.

“If that’s her name then yeah.”

“You fought him while Monse was there!” You yell, throwing a pillow at his face.

The pillow hits Latrelle hard. He throws it out your bedroom door, turning to look at you, his mouth turning into a scowl.

You return the face, “You’re lucky he didn’t have a gun, Latrelle! You know he gets protective when he's with his friends. You know this!”

“You need to calm down. Why are you getting so emotional?”

“Why am I getting emotional? I’m getting emotional because one day you might not knock on my door. You might be bleeding out in the street, because of your dumb decisions. I would never forgive myself if you…” You felt tears start to roll down your cheek, but you don’t stop yelling even though your voice is breaking with sobs.

“Please break up with me if you are going to keep doing this. Please. I can’t keep helping you like this. I can’t keep defending you. Don’t you love me? Why can’t we go to the park or on dates like we used to? Why will you ignore my texts for days but feel fine with coming to my door bloody. You said you love me so why don’t you act like it?”

Latrelle stared up at you from his place on the ground. You were full on crying now. Fat tears slid down your face onto your sheets and you put your head in your hands. You heard Latrelle get up but you didn’t feel his warmth on your body. You didn’t smell his cologne or feel his tight hugs. He had gotten up and walked out the door.

You got up and threw on a robe, suddenly self-conscious of your outfit even though it was just a shirt and shorts. You ran out of your bedroom, into the hallway, all the way to the front door, but he was gone. He hadn’t even locked the door behind him.

Opening the door you step out. Your hot face was cooled by the wind. It fluttered around you, shaking the trees. The only light there was was the moon and the streetlights. No stars, no cars, not even a firefly and not even your boyfriend.

Shutting the door you slide down with your back against it. You reach the floor and wrap your arms around your knees and continue to cry. Your heart began to ache at the silence. He had left you. He had walked out and left you.

You fell asleep there. On the wooden floor, in front of your front door. In the morning you woke up to your alarm blaring from your room. Your cheeks were still stained with tears, your eyes bright red and it seemed hard to keep them open. All you wanted to do was sleep a little more. To move to your warm bed and fall back asleep, but if you missed a day of school it would make your parents come back sooner. You got up and went to your room to change. You chose a random black sweatshirt and jeans.

After washing your face, brushing your teeth, and eating a little bit of breakfast you start the walk to school. It was one of those mornings where you wished you had more friends, so you wouldn’t have to walk to school alone.

Your lack of friends was one of the things Latrelle liked about you. To him you were safe. Not always the center of attention, but not a nobody. You were a good enough kid that with him being your boyfriend, it made him seem like a better person. In a way you hated him for that. It made you feel more like an accessory than a significant other, but in an attempt to not start crying again, you stop thinking about it.

You walk into the school and head to your first class, then the next. They all go okay. As you walk to lunch Monse gives you a small smile. You smile back, but notice that a lot of people are looking at you. You look down at your outfit. Your jeans weren’t open, the sweatshirt wasn’t backwards. You sit down at your usual lunch table and suddenly the cafeteria doors are swung open. You didn’t care enough to look up.

Someone sits right in front of you. You start to eat your apple, it’s juices dripping down your mouth.

“y/n I’m sorry.” Latrelle mumbled.

“Are you?” You questioned. Using the back of your hand to wipe away the sticky juices.

“I got you this.”

You look up and see a single flower. “You got me one flower that I’m supposed to carry around school.”

“Dang why can’t you be happy,”

“I’m done explaining stuff to you and your dumb attempts of apologizing. You can go.”

Latrelle places the flower on the table. You start to eat your sandwich.

“Look, I’m real sorry y/n. I shouldn’t have walked out on you. I shouldn’t have treated you like that. I was just frustrated. I didn't want you to have to deal with me any more that night. I even apologized to César. Well I didn’t apologize because I aint no punk, but you know I gave him a nod. Babe, I hate when you're angry at me.”

You start to eat your sandwich, but you weren’t hungry anymore. As you get up from your seat to throw your trash away, his hand goes around your wrist. His brown eyes looked into yours, but you removed his hand and walked away.

He followed you into the hallway.

“Y/N please.”

You turn to face him, sticking a finger into his chest. “Look you can apologize all you want, but unless you’re really going to change, leave me alone. I told you, I rather you break up with me then to keep lying and doing stupid stuff.”

He pulls you into an empty classroom. He kissed your neck and rubs his hands on your back, You kiss back. It continues for a few seconds. You and Latrelle make out in an empty classroom until he pulls away and hugs you. His hugs were always almost too tight. He hugged you like he never wanted to let you go, like he never wanted anything to get to you.

“I swear I won’t do anymore stuff like that.” He whispered. He pulled a box out of his back pocket. “Here’s your actual gift.”

Inside the box was a cute gray bracelet with your birthstone in it. Your name and his are written in cursive underneath it, along with your anniversary date. “You really did this for me?”

“Yeah, you my baby. I had to search up ideas. I know you like cute things like this.”

You felt your cheeks start to warm up. The bracelet was exactly your size and you couldn't stop looking at it. “Thank you baby.”

“Anything for you.” He put one of his arms on your shoulders. “You wanna get out of here. You look tired.”

Ignoring your other classes you say yes and walk with him out the back of the school.

Author's Note: Fun fact this was originally going to be a César post, but I decided I wanted to do a cuter one for him. But omg I wanted this to be for him so bad. Be on the lookout for my next post because it will def be a César one! Anyway Requests are still open! Please like if you enjoyed and follow. We're almost at 50 followers and I have a huge surprise when we reach 100 <3!! Have a wonderful day ~c'k

[babyflash]

LOVE Wally and Linda. Hit me with what you feel their vibes are as individuals, and then as a couple bc they've got big "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts" energy.

omg hey :) YES OK i wrote something earlier today you might be interested in, i'll link it here

uhhhh gonna preemptively put this below a cut just in case!!! it'll probably get long LOL

okay let's start with wally. at his core, he's a very compassionate individual. i think he cares really openly and so deeply, and i think that has to do with the found family element of the flash fam, as well as values instilled in him by barry once he started hero work. he's also intensely curious, kind of to a fault? he can be rash and make impulsive decisions and he tries to be good, because at the end of the day he wants so bad to make his family proud. he wants iris to be proud of the kid she helped raise and wants barry to be proud of the hero he's becoming, but he's full of curiosity and energy and a need to prove himself. he's got a chip on his shoulder the size of a mountain, and he's stubborn and headstrong. i think as he grows, a lot of these traits sort of fall to the back burner. he still has his moments of impulsivity and bull-headedness, but part of it is when he got his powers. he got them so young, younger than barry was, and so they struggle to find their footing a bit when wally first gets his speed because he's like, suddenly got all this power and energy and he's a little scared and kind of angry and he's feeling so much and has no way to express that. i think wally and iris are a lot alike, moreso than wally and barry are, and that's one of my least favorite parts of the flash fanon. i think wally looks up to iris so much, he wants to be as confident and sure of himself as she is, she's this constant and caring figure in his life, his one indicator of stability, and she's his best friend, you know? that's his rock, and she's really the only person he's got for the longest time. when you're in the situation wally is (going off of the canon that his parents are not the best) everything is just like, more. like everything you feel and everything that happens to you is just so much more, and wally's sort of like this huge lightning storm and he doesn't know what to do with that. and linda meets him as he's beginning to level out, but he's still in a rocky place, and he's just. fully embraced his weirdness at this point. he's weird, that's his thing. he fidgets and people talk about him and he's too young for his grade and he knows exactly what he wants from life and kids like that are dangerous. people warn linda to stay away from the science freak until they realize she's just like him.

now moving onto miss park. you know the song "my grand plan" from the lightning thief musical? yeah her. she is annabeth chase (to an extent). linda was called silly and dumb her whole life, people told her she reached too far and had her head in the clouds. a total space cadet with delusions of grandeur. instead of tearing her down, it lit a fire in her stomach. this intense and deliberate rage she felt simmering in her chest everytime someone told her her dream was stupid. she's this empathetic person, i think. she's full of this righteous anger but it never expresses itself in violent ways. there's this quote (i can't remember where it's from) but it basically says that the biggest and most powerful act of rebellion a girl can do is to take care of herself. and so that's what linda does. she pushes herself to be better everyday, and she wears cute clothes and does her makeup and curls her hair and paints her nails because she wants to. people call her vain, they call her mean, they call her a bitch or bossy, but she isn't. she becomes this sort of spokesperson for the voiceless. she participates in protests on campus and writes scathing editorials about administration and social hierarchies in the school's newspaper and she fights for what she believes in because she cares, because she loves the world and the people in it, she wants to spread the truth and create change. she wants to spark discussion and debate and foster conversation because that's the kind of person she is! she stands up, consistently, for herself and what she believes in. she speaks her mind, she doesn't care if people call her loud or bossy because at least they're paying attention. and wally reads her work and he listens to her and he realizes that she's the kind of person he wants to be around.

because, what i think they both want more than anything is to be understood. they want people to listen to what they have to say and to care about it. linda rants about the ethics of journalism for hours, discusses philosophy and movies and current events and everything else under the sun and what wally does is different than anyone else, he listens. not only does he listen, but he asks questions and cares about the answer. because wally cares about linda, so he cares about what she has to say and what she's passionate about. wally explains physics theories in such a way that it makes sense to linda, and she never feels dumb asking him a question because (above a lot of other things in his life) he loves learning and he'll respond with such care and earnestness. at the end of the day, it's two compassionate and curious people who come together because they have this pull, this understanding of each other that they've never experienced before. they're a little snarky and a little intimidating and a lot stubborn and a hell of a lot compassionate and that's why they're so good at what they do.

[ayellowcurtain]

Simon bites his short nails, staring at his phone hovering over his head. He shouldn’t send anything. He was very clear that he didn’t want to be a secret, and he meant it. And Wilhelm has been nothing but respectful of his decision but Simon knows they both don’t want this. More times than he can count he thinks about how Wilhelm told him he loved him, and how Simon didn’t say it even though he felt it. He thinks about the texts Wilhelm sent him after their final conversation outside his house, how Wilhem told him he wanted Simon and just Simon, and how he didn’t reply to those texts either.

He’s fighting against himself every second away from texting Wilhelm, from telling him to forget about everything and come back to him. He knows Wilhelm would come in a heartbeat.

To Wille: How are you?

He puts his phone down, and up again because he knew Wilhelm would answer right away like he always does, no matter the time or day of the week.

To Simon: Okay

You? Everything okay?

Simon smiles, feeling his heart race. It doesn’t matter if they haven’t seen each other in over a month, Wilhelm will probably always have this effect on him.

To Wille: I’m okay too

Ish

To Simon: ish? Wanna talk about it?

To Wille: No, don’t worry about me.

To Simon: you know I do

Simon gives in a little bit to his selfishness, enhanced by the late hours of the night, with no long and skinny body asking to be hugged right behind him.

To Wille: just missing you

Simon sits up on his bed, a little more awake as seconds go by and he doesn’t get an answer.

To Simon: I miss you too.

Simon thinks about making a joke about how they should try the one night stand people talk about so often but he knows it wouldn’t be funny for either of them. Before he can think of what to say, he gets a new text.

To Simon: your purple hoodie is still with me

Simon grunts, dropping himself on the bed again, squeezing his eyes shut and his phone between his fingers. He needs to find someone else, to move on, to stop this stupid friendship that’ll never work because they’re madly in love with each other and can’t be together.

To Wille: are you using it?

He moves to lie on his side while he waits, anxious with what he’ll get as an answer.

To Simon: Maybe…

To Wille: a king to be should be in bed, is very late.

To Simon: can’t you hang out tonight?

We could sneak out and go get something to eat…

To Wille: sneak out...you and your two bodyguards...and me…

There’s no bubbles on his screen, and Simon didn’t even need to check that to know Wilhelm would get bothered by his comment, so much so that he would need the extra seconds to reply.

To Simon: so we don’t go out, I guess.

To Wille: nobody can see us together, remember?

To Simon: we were trapped inside a school, and people still saw us together but okay

To Wille: I miss you too. You know I do.

To Simon: soon enough you’ll find someone better than me, and you’ll be able to be with them.

Simon sighs, sitting up again, knowing he shouldn’t, but he records an audio message anyway while staring at his computer, still turned on but with no sounds. He thinks about the night Wilhelm came to pretend they were playing video game for hours and hours.

“That’s the problem: I don’t want anyone else.”

He bites his lip, thinking about Wilhelm, stuck inside his prince charming castle, hearing a stupid audio boring human Simon sent him. Before he can calm his nerves, Wilhelm is calling him, and Simon freaks out, staring at his phone for too long before accepting the call, somehow thinking he’ll hear someone completely different than the boy he knows even though it’s only been weeks of not hearing him. Or seeing, or touching, or smelling, or anything at all.

“Hi…”

“Hey…”

“Who do you want then?” He’s not accusing, he doesn’t sound mad. He just sounds like Wilhelm when he’s tired, bottling up his emotions behind a fake boredom.

“Wilhelm…”

“Don't call me that...it’s weird.”

“Why? It’s your name. Or should I call you king to be? Your Majesty?”

“Fuck you!” Simon laughs, closing his eyes, wishing they could be having this conversation face to face.

“You never call me Wilhelm, it’s weird.”

“I know.” Simon bites the inside of his cheek, not sure what they have to talk about. “You know who I miss?”

“Huh?” Simon lies down carefully, enjoying a little too much the hint of annoyance on the other side, Wilhelm thinking he’ll talk about someone else like that’s even possible.

“Drunk and high as a kite Wille. He’s fun.”

Wilhelm sighs on the other side, and Simon can hear how the phone call hitches when he throws himself in his probably ironic king size bed.

“He’s so dumb…”

“Stop that! He’s the sweetest. I like him.”

“I’m getting jealous.”

“You can’t.”

“I know.”

“You and him are the same people. But drunk and high Wille should just come out more often.”

“That would make the media love me even more, that’s for sure.”

Simon rolls his eyes, wishing he could tell Wilhelm face to face to stop worrying so much. “Fuck them.”

“Fuck them…” Wilhelm replies with little to no enthusiasm. “I miss school…” Wilhelm says with a lot more confidence, not talking exactly about school, and talking about it makes Simon think about it after weeks fighting against those thoughts.

Having to see Wilhelm every day again, pretend they’re just friends, that Wille was not the one with his hand inside Simon’s underwear in that stupid video. He wonders how much Wilhelm has changed after spending so many weeks probably being trained day and night to be a cold, heartless prince that’ll soon be the king. Simon will hate seeing that part of Wilhem being forced on him slowly.

“I miss school too.”

“Will you want to hang out then?”

Simon smiles, knowing Wilhelm won’t let him get away that easily. He knows Wilhelm will happily use all his charm - not that he has to - to take Simon right back to that same bed. And he can’t lie to himself, he’ll be happy to be there for a second, until he’s hit with the reality that there’s very little any of them can do to change the fact they’ll always be a dirty secret, until it gets too serious and the Queen decides to actually end whatever they have, or had, Simon is not sure still.

“We’ll see.”

“I heard your sister is staying there this year...Why aren’t you? You want me to help you with that?”

Simon laughs, even though it still hurts to think about his sister there, part of the high society, and how it’s so close, and so far away, all at the same time. It would be ironic to have Wilhelm pretending to be his colleague all the other hours of the day while fighting for Simon to stay at school without having to pay.

“No, god no! It’ll be hard enough to be around you for a couple of hours a day.”

“Are you afraid I’ll sneak inside your room at night?”

“You say like you’re not thinking about it.” Simon lifts his eyebrows, even though Wilhelm can’t see him, and he takes it in when Wille laughs wholeheartedly on the other side.

“You act like I’m a monster.”

“You’re not, you’re so far from that. You’re the best king ever.”

Wilhelm sighs loudly, always annoyed to be reminded of his future life.

“I’m no king.”

“You are a king to me.”

They stay in silence for a long, peaceful minute, and Simon gets anxious thinking about school, the good and the extremely bad of being around Wilhelm without having him completely, always looking over his shoulder.

“Just two more weeks of this hell, and it’ll be over for some time.”

“And then my personal hell will start.” Simon laughs because he hears Wilhelm laughing again, actually excited to be locked back inside, the only difference being Simon will be stuck with him.

“We’ll see how long you’ll last.”

“I doubt it’ll be more than a day.”

“I hope to god it won’t.”

[no-pucks-given]

TYSON JOST | LIGHT MY WAY HOME

A/N: More than 12.000 words later, more than a month after the initial request from Taylor popped up in my notifications. What a freaking ride. My longest fic I've ever written, and maybe even my favourite one. Thank you, to everyone who hyped me up, send me inspo and send me sweet asks. I couldn't have done this without all of you. Special thanks to @dumb-and-dunner, @chicagoblackhawkslover96, @heybarzy and Chrissy (who doesn't have Tumblr unfortunately).

Warnings: Angst, ‘can I strangle him yet?’ Tyson, swearwords, some major character development and (how could I not?!) a happy ending.

Also: Gabe and Melissa Landeskog play a big part in this fic, so if you aren't comfortable with them, you might want to skip this one.

Word Count: 12.1K

Requested: Yes.

The NHL lifestyle, or the ‘popular’ lifestyle was attractive to all young, hormonal boys. You’d known that for a long time. You stood by Tyson’s side when he got drafted into the wicked world of the NHL. Parties, drinking, sex, training until you can barely move, fights, games, wins and losses. It all had it’s charms, but it also had its dangers. Just like any other guy Tyson wanted to experience it all, the whole package,

You assumed you fell under that ‘whole package’, you were his girlfriend for a reason, right? And you did, for a while. You partied together, came home together, did everything together. But the moment Tyson became older and ‘known’ outside the regular hockey fans, that title didn’t mean much anymore. He became more and more the type of guy you didn’t fall in love with, the type to take you for granted, the type to enjoy the attention of other people, other women in particular. You weren’t the jealous type, you didn’t want to claw out the eyes of every woman that looked at him, but you were at a breaking point. Maybe you were jealous, you weren’t jealous of those other women, you were jealous of the attention Tyson gave them. Attention he should’ve been giving to you, his freaking girlfriend.

You were however the loyal type, the type to come home after a long night. And that’s exactly where things went wrong with Tyson. While you were waiting for him at home with a meal, a warm bed or just simply anything else, he was out. You had no idea where he was exactly, he was simply ‘out’, whatever that might mean. You tried to talk to him, you tried to make him see that this wouldn’t end well for either of you, but he simply waved off your concerns, shrugged his shoulders and moved on.

How do you talk to someone who rediscovered himself? How do you talk to someone who thinks he’s on top of the world? How do you save someone from the downfall of success when they don’t want to be saved? You knew one day he’ll come down from this high, one day he’ll realize that he screwed up. One day he’ll come to the conclusion he let something special slip through his fingers, and for what? Fame? Drinks? A rush of adrenaline? One day. But you knew that it wouldn’t be today.

However today is the day that you’re done. Absolutely fed up with all the bullshit excuses Tyson has been feeding you, all the coming home late or not even coming home at all. You have no idea what he’s been up to these last months, he’s barely home. Even when he’s home it’s like he isn’t really there. You can’t even remember the last time the two of you slept together or the last time you actually went to bed at the same time. Breakfast together? A lifetime ago. A lazy day together? Can’t remember. Date night? Months, months ago. Even thinking about it pisses you off to no end, the pain and hurt slowly making place for a new emotion: anger.

It’s frustrating to say the least. You love and take care of him like he means the world to you, and he does. Tyson on the other hand seems to take you for granted, or forgets you’re here at all. It seems like you’re talking to a brick wall instead of your boyfriend. No matter how hard you try, your words have no impact, your tears don’t make him feel anything. It’s like he’s a totally different person. You barely recognize him anymore these days, he feels like a stranger inside the body of the man you love. It feels like you’re both living your life, besides each other instead of with each other. It hurts, that’s for sure.

Like any other day you’ve prepared dinner, put it on the table and sat down on one of the chairs. All you can do now is wait, wait and pray he’ll show up this time. You even texted him, begged him to come home and simply eat dinner with you for a change. Of course you didn’t get a response, of course it’s complete radio silence from his side. God, you were desperate at this point, you don’t even try to deny it.

With every passing minute your hope disappears little by little. You stare at the food on the table until it’s completely dark outside, no sign of Tyson. Hours passed and you barely noticed it, it isn’t until you try to stand up and your muscles ache from sitting in the same position for a long time that you realize how much time actually has passed. “Fuck this, why am I even trying anymore?” you mutter to yourself, shaking your head. This isn’t worth it, it hasn’t been for a long time. Maybe, just maybe you’re finally ready to admit it to yourself.

Deciding to choose yourself over Tyson is a major decision, one you probably should’ve made sooner. It doesn’t matter, what does matter is that you’re choosing you now. You make the split second decision to just grab your stuff, just the necessary stuff. You remember Gabe’s offer, at the time you waved it off with a smile, pretending it wasn’t as bad as it might look to the outside world, but now? You want nothing more than to take him up on his offer. So what’s stopping you?

Even though you were excruciating calm this whole time, the moment you step into your bedroom, or Tyson’s bedroom, you break. This is real, this is really happening. You grab your bags, filling them with some of your stuff. Some clothes, some toiletries, your makeup, everything you might need. It’s a tough job, it’s even harder when you almost can’t see past the tears. At some point you lose track of things you did and didn’t grab, just shoving random items into your bag.

You let out a frustrated sigh, your body sinking down on the floor. In your hands the box containing all your high school love letters, all the small gifts you made each other. Tyson was quite handy, who would’ve thought that? You smile at the memories, sorting through the box. You frown at the feeling surging through your body, is this how heartbreak feels? Looking down at the contents of the box you sigh, wiping away the tears streaming down your face. Why couldn’t life be as simple as it used to be? It shouldn’t be this hard, right? You grab your prom picture between your fingers, smiling sadly at the two people in the picture, both smiling like they just won the lottery, both utterly in love with the other. How time can change..

You throw the box on the bed, maybe it will remind Tyson what the two of you had was special, maybe he’ll realize what he’s about to lose. If it doesn’t, well, it’s his loss. Hauling your bags downstairs is a full workout, you intended to bring ‘just the essentials’ but you have way more important stuff than you originally thought. You aren’t planning on returning to this house any time soon.

Shutting the car door after you loaded in your stuff gives you some form of relief. You let out the breath you’ve been holding in. You made your decision, it’s time to follow through now. You make your way back inside, and into the kitchen. Cleaning up all leftovers from dinner, which obviously is a lot more than you expected. Although.. did you really think he would show up? You shake your head again, putting the leftovers into the fridge. After you finish the dishes you retreat back to the living room, falling down on the couch with a loud sigh. All you can do now is wait.

You could’ve just left and never look back, but that isn’t your style. If you’re going to leave, you’ll do it the right way. You won’t leave without giving him a piece of mind, letting him know he fucked this up for good. You try to focus on the movie playing on the screen, but your heart keeps beating harder and harder, at this point you wish you would’ve just left instead of waiting for Tyson to show up. God, why did you have to do it the right way? Because you know, deep down, you would’ve wanted him to do it the same way. It’s the humane thing to do, it’s only right after spending such a long time together.

The front door opening brings you out of your thoughts. Honestly you don’t even know what time it is, but frankly you don’t care. All you want right now is to get this off your chest and leave. Tyson’s eyes widen when he comes face-to-face with you, surprisingly he doesn’t seem that intoxicated. You suspected he went out, but at this point he could’ve been anywhere.

“You’re still up,” Tyson says, walking past you and flopping down on the couch.

“Yep, and you missed dinner,” you counter, crossing your arms. Tyson simply shrugs his shoulder, clearly not caring enough to explain his absence. “I texted you to make sure you would be here,” you say, even though you know it doesn’t make a difference.

“Yeah, I was busy,” Tyson answers, looking down at his phone.

You almost feel the need to chuckle, to start laughing at his stupid behavior, but this is anything but funny to you, it fucking hurts. “I’m done, Tyson. I’m fucking done,” you say, shaking your head, trying so hard to keep the tears away.

Tyson looks at you with dull eyes, no emotion visible on his face. “Then go to fucking bed, I really can’t deal with your problems right now,” he sighs, turning his head back to the phone in his hand.

Right now, at this moment you know you made the right decision. This isn’t behavior of someone who’s in love, this isn’t even behavior of someone who loves. “You don’t have to deal with me anymore, because I’m leaving. I’m done, we’re done,” you tell him, emphasizing the last part. Tyson’s eyes shoot to yours, the panic clearly written all over his face now.

“No, we’re not. You can’t break up with me, y/n!” he almost shouts at you, standing up from the couch.

“Yes, I can and I will. You don’t get to act like you care all of the sudden, Tyson. You haven’t acted like a boyfriend in months. You haven’t given me any reason to stay, so I won’t. I’m done with whatever this is,” you say, waving between the two of you. Tyson grabs your wrist, tears starting to pool in his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off. “No. No. You don’t get to do this. It’s over. You put on quite a show, but I can’t say it was very entertaining. This curtain fucking closes right now, show is over. You can act like you care, but I know by now that you don’t,” you tell him, ripping your arm out of his grip.

You walk over to the front door, keeping your head high. Now is not the time to break down, your time will come. You hear Tyson behind you, muttering how sorry he is, excuse after excuse leave his mouth. You open the door, turning around one last time to look at Tyson. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry, ‘cause you’re not,” you say while shaking your head. You close the door behind you, not looking back at what you’ve left behind, only looking forward to what’s yet to come.

It’s when you’re in your car mindlessly driving around when you realize you have nowhere to go. You forgot to call Gabe, and it’s probably way too late now. You quickly check the time, 2am, shit that’s late. You doubt he’s still awake, you feel bad for even thinking about waking him up. Two young children, both of them under the age of 2, and being a professional hockey player probably cost him enough energy already, you don’t need to add to that. “He did say I could always call him when I made my decision,” you say out loud, more to convince yourself that it’s okay than anything else.

You easily find Gabe’s contact, immediately pressing the dial button before you change your mind again. The line only rings twice before Gabe picks up. “I’m guessing you either finally broke up with him or there’s a fire somewhere,” Gabe says from the other side of the line. You chuckle, shaking your head. “And since you’re calling me and not the fire department, my guess is on the first one,” Gabe continues, trying to make you smile some more.

“I did it, I broke up with him, couldn’t stand to be there any second longer,” you sigh, brushing your fingers through your hair.

You hear Gabe’s sigh of relief. “I’m proud of you, y/n. I know this isn’t what you had in mind, but it’s better like this, I promise.”

Gabe turned into one of your best friends over time, Melissa is the older sister you never had and you love their children like they’re your own. Gabe and Melissa welcomed you into their family immediately after meeting you. You hadn’t expected to make friends and you definitely didn’t expect to make friends with the captain and his wife, but you’re so grateful you did. The support you receive from them is overwhelming, you couldn’t wish for better friends. So when Gabe first made you this offer, you were thankful he did, although you were still convinced at that point that Tyson would change.

“Uhm, you know.. that offer you made me? Is that still on the table?” you ask, praying he’ll say ‘yes’, praying you don’t have to sleep in some random hotel tonight.

“Of course, the guestroom is already prepared. Melissa expects you to be here as soon as possible, apparently she ‘really needs to cuddle her little sister’,” Gabe chuckles, you can almost hear him rolling his eyes at his wife.

“Thank you, Gabe. I owe you,” you say softly.

“You don’t. You’re family, y/n,” Gabe says, and you know he means every word he just said. Family. “Now get your ass over here, before Melissa starts a search party,” Gabe chuckles, making you laugh some more, because you know she would. You quickly say your goodbyes, promising you’ll be there in a few minutes. It’s just a short drive from your apartment, or Tyson’s apartment now, to Gabe and Mel’s place.

You kept up your appearance, keeping the tears at bay, but the moment you step out of your car and into Gabe’s arms you’re done. “Come here, I’m so sorry,” Gabe says softly, his hands rubbing soothing circles on your back.

You stand there for a few minutes, simply crying on your best friend’s shoulder, until Melissa squeezes herself between the two of you. “Hush, I need some sister time. Why don’t you grab her stuff?” she says, smiling sweetly at her husband.

Gabe sighs dramatically, sending a wink your way. “Whatever you say, wife.”

Melissa pulls you close to her, an arm around your waist, her head resting on your shoulder. “Come on, I’ll show you your room,” she softly says, leading you into the house. You’ve been here so many times already, but never like this. You’ve never been in a situation like this before, you’re not sure how to handle this. “I can hear the wheels turning in your head. It will be okay,” Melissa says, rubbing your arm soothingly. You sigh, shrugging your shoulders, not sure what to say.

Melissa leads you to your room, pushing you down on the bed, while she takes a seat on the edge of the bed. “I know you’re probably exhausted, but do you want to talk?” Melissa asks softly, her face showing nothing but compassion.

You lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about all that has happened. “I don’t even know what to say, Mel. I don’t even know how I feel right now. I’m just so...” you trail off, not knowing the right words to describe everything that you feel and think right now.

“Confused, relieved, mad?”

You sit back up, looking back at Melissa. “All of the above, I guess? It hurts, but I’m glad I did it. But I also regret it, because I love him, you know? I’m mad he didn’t try harder for me, for us,” you say, trying hard to keep the rush of tears away.

Melissa wraps her arms around you, pulling you close to her. “I know, sweetheart. It will take time, but you’re going to be okay.”

You sigh, knowing she’s right, even though it probably will take more time than just ‘some time’. You did just end a long relationship, it will take a lot of patience and time to work through that. “Thank you, Mel. For letting me stay here,” you mumble against Melissa’s shoulder.

“No need for that. You’re my sister, remember?” Melissa smiles at you.

Gabe softly knocks on the door before opening the door. “Brought your bags, thought you might need them before you go to sleep,” he says, smiling at the sight before him. Your friendship might be unconventional, but he couldn’t care less what other people think about it. Gabe absolutely adores the sister bond you and Mel share, he hoped the two of you would get along, so this? Picture perfect.

“Thanks, Gabe,” you smile at him.

“Do you mind if I steal my wife from you?” Gabe asks, making you and Melissa laugh out loud.

“Nope, she’s all yours,” you chuckle, waving at their retreating backs when they walk out of the room.

You strip out of your clothes, pulling on a sweater. You sigh, realizing you packed some of Tyson’s sweaters out of habit. His smell infiltrates your senses, making it damn hard to keep your emotions under control. It’s right this moment you know exactly how you feel. Heartbroken. The realization that your relationship with Tyson is really over doesn’t give you the satisfaction you hoped for, it doesn’t give you peace, it just fucking hurts. You simply feel hollow, even though deep down you know this was the right choice, this was what needed to happen. You know damn well why you feel so empty, you gave your heart to Tyson a long, long time ago, never expecting to be in a situation you might get it back. You don’t want it back, but you might need it back.

You realize it’s morning when the light softly shines into your room. You sigh, knowing damn well you’re lucky if you slept more than an hour this night. Rolling over you look at the clock on the wall, 9 am, perfect. Deciding it won’t do you any good if you stay in bed any longer, you force yourself out of bed and into the shower. The hot water warms your cold skin, soothing your sore muscles. All the twisting and turning you did all night surely didn’t help the way you feel right now. Why couldn’t life be a bit easier by simply letting the shower wash away all of your hurt, all of your pain? A fresh start, a clean slate.

You slip on some skinny jeans and a soft sweater, not in the mood to even think about doing your makeup. You dry your hair, before making a quick ponytail out of it. You walk down stairs, the chatter and laughter greeting you as soon as you walk into the kitchen. “Morning, guys,” you say, smiling at all the happy faces before you. A round of greetings sound throughout the room.

“How’d you sleep?” Gabe asks you as soon as you sit down next to him with a bowl of cereal.

“Can’t even tell you, suddenly it was 9 am,” you chuckle, shrugging your shoulders at Gabe’s raised eyebrow. “Do you have any idea where my phone is?” you ask Gabe, knowing he grabbed all your stuff out of your car.

“Uhh, I do, but I don’t know if you really want to look at it,” Gabe says, scratching the back of his head before pointing towards the kitchen counter. It’s your turn to raise your eyebrows, walking over to where Gabe’s pointing at.

You unlock your phone, quickly checking your notifications. “Oh damn,” you mutter, looking at the absurd amount of missed calls and messages left by none other than Tyson himself.

You sit back down next to Gabe, dropping your head on your arms. “What do I do now, Gabe?” you groan. “Why does he care all of the sudden?”

Gabe rubs his hand over your back before answering your question. “Because he lost you, y/n. He never thought he would.” You turn your head towards Gabe letting his words sink in.

Gabe gets ready to leave for practice shortly after you settle on the couch with Lucas in your arms. The little man has a fascination with your hair, maybe it’s all babies who have that, but you like to think that you’re special. “Don’t pull out all y/n’s hair, baby boy,” Gabe chuckles, giving his boy a soft kiss on his head. He gives you a kiss on your cheek, softly squeezing your shoulder. You open your mouth to say something, but Gabe cuts you off. “I know what you’re thinking. Don’t worry about it, I’m his captain, but I’m your friend, okay? Just relax, make sure Lucas doesn’t puke on you and go do whatever it is that you women do all day,” Gabe chuckles, knowing you better than you know yourself. You mouth a quick ‘thank you’ to him, wishing him good luck with practice before he runs through the house trying to find his girls to kiss them goodbye.

“Your daddy is a good guy, you know that, Lucas?” you smile at the baby on your lap. Lucas coos, his hands grabbing onto the strands of your hair. “Your daddy and mommy make me feel so loved, even though their children like to see me in pain,” you joke, trying to free your hair from Lucas’s small hands. “Buddy, you’re way stronger than you look,” you mumble, when Lucas pulls on your hair again.

Melissa laughs out loud the moment she walks into the living room. “How many times did I tell you that you need to keep your hair away from him and his grabby hands?” she says, expertly freeing your hair from her son’s fists.

“Apparently not enough times,” you chuckle at her. Melissa joins you on the couch, while Linnea Rae plays on the ground with some of her toys, happily showing you what she got every now and then. It’s times like this that you’re extra grateful for Melissa and Gabe, the way they welcomed you into their family has been nothing but perfect.

“So, what’s going through that pretty head of yours?” Melissa asks, while scrolling through series to watch on Netflix.

You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t know, I’m kind of worried about practice, I think? I don’t want to put Gabe in this position,” you say, keeping your eyes on Lucas.

“You know Gabe would do anything for you, huh? You don’t know how many times he came home utterly frustrated by the way Tyson treated you. He never said anything, because you were still with him, I can’t promise you he will stay quiet this time,” Melissa says, squeezing your shoulder. “He’ll be fine, this isn’t Gabe’s first rodeo.”

You look at Melissa, who simply gives you a wink. “I know, I know. I just don’t want him to get in trouble or anything,” you say, smiling back at her. You trust and know Gabe, so hopefully there won’t be a lot of trouble today.

“If he does though, he probably deserves it.”

Gabe surprises you all with some takeaway when he gets home from practice. It’s been nice eating with other people for change, it’s been way too long. The amount of lonely dinners has been through the roof lately. Gabe nudges you with his elbow, causing you to look up at him. “No frowning at the table.”

Melissa rolls her eyes at her husband while you just stick out your tongue at him. “Sure, dad,” you say, causing Melissa to almost choke on her bite of food before she lets out a loud laugh.

“Yeah, dad. Leave us alone,” Melissa laughs, winking at her husband. Gabe shakes his head at you and Melissa, a grin plastered on his face.

It’s during dessert you find the courage to ask about Tyson. You weren’t sure if you needed to ask Gabe, you weren’t even sure if you wanted to know anything, but now you know you do. “So, did anything happen during practice?” you ask him, playing around with your spoon.

Gabe shakes his head, giving you a small smile. “Not much, just some chirping. Told him I’m his captain and he needs to fucking focus on practice. That seemed to do the trick,” Gabe says, shrugging his shoulders, continuing to eat his dessert.

You look across the table at Melissa who has the same expression on her face as you. Not convincing at all. ‘Sure,’ Melissa mouths at you from across the table. You shake your head at her, furrowing your eyebrows at Gabe’s statement. ‘Nope,’ you mouth back at her, finishing your dessert. You decide to let it go, you don’t even know why you care so much. You shouldn’t, right? You broke things off with Tyson, so why do you care so much what he does and thinks? The answer to that question is pretty simple the longer you think about it. Because you still love him, that’s why.

You thank everyone for dinner and dessert, promising to cook something from them later this week. Right now all you can think about is your bed and a decent night of sleep. God, that sounds like a true dream right now. You strip out of your clothes, crawling into the soft and cozy bed. It doesn’t take long before you fall asleep, showing just how exhausted you truly are.

The weeks that follow are filled with all kinds of activities, the 5 of you falling back into a comfortable rhythm, surprising you considering the situation you’re in. It isn’t every day you take in the ex-girlfriend of one of your teammates, or your best friend, whatever way you want to see things. When you aren’t working you spend a lot of time with the kids, trying to make things easier for Melissa and Gabe whenever they are busy or simply need some time for the two of them. You happily take on some of their care, even if it’s as simple as making sure they get their food in time. Honestly they are two of the sweetest children you’ve ever come across, they always find ways to make you laugh, even though most of the time it isn’t on purpose.

It’s been quiet around the house tonight, Melissa went out with a few of her friends, while she left Gabe and the kids with you. Apparently she needed some ‘alone time’ which didn’t include kids, and definitely didn’t include Gabe after he mentioned he wanted some ‘alone time’ with her as well. You love their friendly bickering, the love they have for each other visible in everything they do. So when Melissa gave her husband a dirty look and flipped him the bird the only logical thing to do was to start laughing at their exchange. “Have fun with them, sweetheart!” Melissa had yelled at you when she walked through the door, leaving the four of you behind.

Together you decide to just have a movie night. It’s late enough for both children to be asleep already, yet early enough to squeeze in a full size movie marathon. “Gladiatorrrrr!” Gabe exclaims excitedly while scrolling through the movie selection on Netflix, pausing on his all-time favorite movie.

You groan, covering your face with your hands. “Please no, have mercy, Gabe,” you laugh, knowing damn well you’re going to sit through this movie again. How many times has it been already? 12? You wouldn’t even be surprised. This dude really loves his movie. You look at Gabe from between your fingers, seeing the look on his face which makes you groan even more. “Fineeee, one more time, Gabe. One more time,” you whine at him, secretly enjoying his taste in movies, something you don’t plan on telling him ever.

It’s a little after 10pm when the doorbell rings. You look at Gabe, who looks just as surprised as you are. “It’s a bit early for Mel, don’t you think?” Gabe asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Definitely, unless she drank the whole bottle of champagne again,” you chuckle, thinking back at one of the craziest parties you’ve ever been to with Mel and Gabe.

“Oh God, please don’t remind me of that,” Gabe shudders at the memory of that night, standing up to see who’s on the other side of the door.

Gabe hates to say that he isn’t surprised to see Tyson’s face as soon as he opens the door. Honestly he had expected him at his door days, maybe even weeks ago. The moment Tyson found out you were staying with Gabe he broke, Gabe expected him to fight, to yell, to scream, he expected him to do anything except cry. Which is exactly what Tyson did, breaking down in the middle of practice. For a moment the whole place went quiet, only Tyson’s cries echoing throughout the building. No one knew how to act, no one knew what to do, until Gabe realized he’s the captain for a reason. On and off the ice. It was a weird experience, one Gabe still feels extremely conflicted about. He comforted his teammate, his friend, while his other friend was at his home, utterly heartbroken, trying to get over the guy who was bawling his eyes out on the ice.

After Tyson got over the initial shock the anger took over, just as Gabe expected. It made him almost drop the gloves, something he tried to avoid, not wanting to hurt Tyson. He let him say his things, things that absolutely didn’t make any sense, until he got everything out of his system. “Now can we continue this fucking practice, Jost?” Gabe told him after everything calmed down. Gabe tried to avoid the Tyson/y/n topic as much as possible after that, not wanting to get in the middle of things more than he already was. Until tonight apparently.

Gabe raises an eyebrow at the boy before him. “Why are you here, Tyson?” Gabe sighs, already knowing the answer to that question.

Tyson looks around, eyes flickering from left to right, clearly uncomfortable being here. “I, uh, can I talk to y/n? I know she’s here,” Tyson asks, scratching the back of his head before putting them back in his pockets.

Gabe shakes his head at him. “You can’t, if she wants to talk to you she will find a way to contact you. As long as you don’t get your shit together and prove to me, but most of all to her, that you’ve changed, I won’t let you anywhere near her,” Gabe declares, starting to get annoyed with the way Tyson acts. There’s no way he lets him close to you until you feel like you’re ready to see him again, no way.

Tyson opens his mouth, but Gabe gives him a look that immediately shuts him up again. “I’m saying this as your captain, and definitely not as your friend right now. Go home and leave her the fuck alone. You had your chance, you fucked up and now you have to deal with the consequences. How you deal with those said consequences is up to you, but I suggest you leave now and think about everything you did and didn’t do, okay?” Tyson nods his head, turning around to walk back to his car.

When he’s a few steps away from his car he turns around, smiling sadly at Gabe. “She’s my home, Gabe. Home doesn’t feel the same without her. You out of all people should understand that.”

Gabe chuckles low, shaking his head at his clueless teammate. “I do. I do know what home feels like, but I never, never choose anyone or anything over my ‘home’. Never. You sure as hell did, time after time,” Gabe says frustratedly, before shutting the door, leaving behind an even more frustrated Tyson.

You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you caught the sound of Tyson’s voice when you walked to the kitchen, grabbing some more popcorn. You didn’t mean to listen to their conversation, but it felt like you were glued to your place, unable to take another step, unable to do anything but listen.

Gabe walks back into the room, the look on your face immediately letting him know you know. “How much did you hear?” he asks softly, approaching you slowly.

“Enough,” you whisper, before breaking down, no longer able to keep the tears locked away, no longer able to keep your emotions to yourself.

With two steps Gabe is in front of you, grabbing the bowl of popcorn you held onto between your trembling fingers. He guides you back to the couch, urging you to sit down, which is a true challenge for someone who can barely feel the ground they walk on. Gabe wraps his arms around you the moment you sit down, allowing you to cry onto his shoulder as much as you want and need. He whispers sweet nothings while softly brushing your hair out of your face, making sure you have room to breath. Time after time Gabe proves what kind of friend he is, always making sure to be there for you when he’s needed, always doing things with the best intentions. Even if it’s just holding you until you calm down, even if it’s just speaking the truth against Tyson, even if it’s just simply being there for one another.

“Sooner or later he would’ve realized what he lost, what he gave up for an evening of clubbing or God knows what. Apparently it’s sooner rather than later, however make sure you make him work for it, if you ever decide you want to give the two of you another chance,” Gabe softly advises you, when you finally calmed down a bit.

“I will, you know I love him, Gabe. But I don’t know if I should?” you mumble, not sure if it’s a question Gabe has the answer to.

“Sometimes the heart wants what it wants. If he’s serious about you, he will work his ass off to earn back your love and trust, I promise you,” Gabe comforts you, after knowing Tyson for so long he’s positive he knows that Tyson goes above and beyond to get what he wants in life.

Maybe it’s Gabe’s comforting words, maybe it’s knowing deep down Tyson still cares, maybe it’s your own strength, but for the first time in a while you feel a tiny flicker of hope, a little bit of light at the end of the dark tunnel. Maybe, just maybe this was all worth it, maybe this is what needed to happen to get better and move forward. Maybe this is how it was supposed to go.

It’s a weird feeling, knowing your ex still cares about you, but also knowing you aren’t ready to let him back into your life like that. You don’t feel like you’re capable of seeing him yet, let alone talk to him. The need to know how he’s doing, how he’s holding up grows, but also confuses you. It’s simply a weird and confusing situation to be in. Choosing between two, maybe even more ways to handle this, while also waiting for Tyson to make a move, which he obviously can’t since you don’t want to see him or speak to him, is a hard task. A task that will require a lot of thinking. You just need a bit more time to gather your thoughts, give all of your confusing feelings a place, while making sure you put yourself first, you need to put yourself first this time.

So when Gabe invites you to one of his home games a few weeks later you say ‘yes’ right away. It seems like the perfect time and place to see Tyson from a distance again, without putting too much stress on yourself, you can just watch and enjoy the game, you don’t have to force anything. Of course your seats turned out to be way closer to the ice than you expected them to be, although... what did you exactly expect with Gabe? You know he’s been talking to both of you, kind of acting like some sort of messenger. He tried to keep it casual, just slipping in some information during a conversation, but you noticed what he was trying to do. Frankly you’re thankful for his meddling.

Steadily your heart starts to beat faster and faster the more players appear on the ice to warm up. When Gabe appears you aren’t surprised to see Tyson close to him, knowing Gabe they probably had a little chat before they went on the ice. Tyson’s eyes shoot to yours the moment he’s close by, completely forgetting the ability to skate. You gasp when he lands on his ass on the ice, earning himself a round of laughter from the people around him, including Melissa and you. Gabe skates over to him, extending his hand and helping him upright again, but not before clearly telling him he’s ‘a dumbass’. Now that’s something you can agree on.

You know Tyson has something up his sleeve when he skates off to the bench, clearly busying himself with something you can’t see. After a few more stolen glances at each other Tyson skates closer and closer to you, until he’s right in front of the glass. His left hand catches your attention, until he gives you a small and almost shy smile. “Look at him, he’s blushing!” Melissa whispers next to you. You shoot her a quick ‘shut up’ look, before you focus your attention back on Tyson.

Tyson shows you the puck in his gloved hand, mouthing to you to catch it. It takes him two tries before the puck lands on the other side of the glass, safely in your hands. Tyson gives you one last quick smile before he skates off to get ready for the game. Melissa nudges you softly, bringing you back from your thoughts. “So, what’s on there?” she asks, knowing damn well you haven’t even checked.

“I don’t know if I want to look, Mel,” you tell her honestly. Melissa gives you a sad smile, throwing her arm around your shoulders.

“Let’s look together?” she suggests. You don’t know why you’re so nervous, how much can you actually write on a puck? He seemed happy to see you, so there’s no need to be nervous that it’s a bad thing. You look at the puck, turning it around in your hands so you can read the whole thing. ‘Talk after the game?’ is written on the puck, you immediately recognize Tyson’s handwriting and his little smiley face, or.. something that should resemble a smiley face.

“That wasn’t that bad, right?” Melissa asks softly, squeezing your shoulder.

“What if I’m not ready?” you ask her, a question that has been on your mind a lot lately.

“Then you take a step back, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, you don’t have any obligations. But he’s trying, y/n. You’ve heard all of Gabe’s stories, you’ve seen it yourself just now. It can’t hurt to at least talk to him.” You think about Melissa’s words, she does have a point there. Talking is something you should’ve done ages ago, or at least Tyson should’ve done that. So this is progress, he’s at least trying this time, that’s more than he used to do.

It’s hard to keep the smile off your face, you can’t even pinpoint why exactly you’re smiling. Whatever the reason is, it’s a good feeling to smile again. The game sure as hell plays a big part in it, the guys are on fire, scoring goal after goal, never giving the puck away for long. There’s barely any time for you to give Tyson a thumbs up, indicating you’re up for a talk after the game. Whenever you look at Tyson when he’s off the ice he’s smiling, whether it is to himself or to one of his teammates, that smile won’t leave his face.

You follow Melissa down to the locker room after the game is over. You’ve done this so many times, but this time it couldn’t be more different. You greet all the girls who are patiently waiting on their man, getting enough comforting words from them to last you a lifetime. When the door to the locker room opens you come face-to-face with Mikko, someone you haven’t seen in a while. Mikko’s face lights up when he spots you outside the locker room. “y/n! I haven’t seen you in so long,” he says, while hugging you tightly.

“I missed you too, goof. It’s great to see you,” you smile at him, wiggling out of his iron grip. Dude’s definitely stronger than he looks.

“Between you and me, Tyson’s a good kid, he just needed to grow up a bit,” Mikko whispers against your ear, before leaving you alone again.

You raise your eyebrow at Melissa, who just shrugs her shoulders. Weird. After a few more minutes Gabe and Tyson appear in front of you, both of them joking around. Tyson nervously looks around, not sure if he should come any closer. Gabe hugs you swiftly before throwing his arm around his wife’s shoulders. “Make sure you bring her home safely, Jost,” Gabe warns him, before quickly saying goodbye to both of you.

You watch them leave, your mouth agape by the way they just left you here. Rude. “Did they just really do that?” you ask no one in particular, still shocked by their actions.

You turn around, looking back at Tyson, who still appears to be nervous. Is he nervous to talk to you? Why would he be nervous? It’s just you. “Hi there,” you smile, looking up at the man in front of you.

“Hi beautiful, it was nice seeing you tonight,” Tyson softly says, giving you a small smile.

Your insides flutter with his use of words, it’s nice hearing them even though you’re not completely sure if he means them the way you hope he does. “It was. You played great, I had a lot of fun,” you say, smiling at the proud look that crosses Tyson’s face for a moment.

Tyson leads you back to the rink, which is now completely deserted, thinking it would be a nice place to chat. For a while the two of you fall back into small talk, ‘how’s life?’, ‘how’s work?’, all that bullshit. You know Tyson and you are avoiding the actual topic that needs to be discussed, or topics? Whatever it is, there’s a lot to talk about. “I missed it here, I forgot how much I loved being here,” you tell Tyson, looking at the lights that lighten up the place, thinking back at the memories full of fun and happiness you both created here.

“I missed you, baby,” Tyson blurts out, completely catching you off guard.

Your eyes shoot back to his, you feel the panic rising inside your body. “Tyson...,” you start, warning him he’s walking on thin ice here.

Tyson’s face falls a bit, seeing the anxious look on your face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Tyson groans, rubbing his face harshly, utterly frustrated with himself and the situation.

It’s quiet for a minute, both of you completely lost in thoughts. “Why is this so hard? We used to be able to talk about anything and everything. What changed, y/n?” Tyson wonders out loud.

You feel a painful pang in your heart, because you know damn well what changed. “You did, Tyson. You changed,” you almost whisper, the truth behind those words more clear than ever before.

You watch as Tyson’s whole composure changes in the blink of an eye, in just a split second he goes from the ‘happy’ guy to the guy who’s just as heartbroken as you are. “I did, didn’t I?” Tyson whispers, the tears pooling in his eyes. “I fucked this up, how could I be so stupid?” he mumbles, burying in face in his hands. “I’m so sorry, I regret this more than I could ever admit to you. I’m so sorry, baby,” Tyson cries, trying to keep his eyes focused on you. It’s hard to keep your own tears at bay when the guy you love so much has a breakdown in front of you, so you don’t. You just let them fall.

You don’t make a move to comfort him, you do give him room to let it all out, give him time to gather his composure again. “I looked through the box, the one you left on our bed?” Tyson says, his voice still broken, still thick with emotion. You nod your head, it was something you hoped he would do. “I had no idea you kept all of that throughout the years,” Tyson smiles weakly at you. “It made me realize what a moron I have been these past few months, maybe even longer,” he continues, shaking his head in disappointment. You listen intently at him, this, this is what you hoped for all this time: realization.

“I’m not telling you that you weren’t a moron, because you absolutely were. But I’m glad you came to the same conclusion.”

Tyson chuckles at your statement, giving you half a smile. “I know, I’m a dumbass. I’m a dumbass for acting this way and a dumbass for letting you go. Any guy would be on top of the world with you by his side, and I just let you slip through my fingers,” Tyson tells you, finally showing he knows he’s been a fool all this time, he knows he let something special go.

“Is it too late for us? Can you give us another chance?” Tysons asks you, his eyes flickering between you and the ground.

You sigh softly, knowing this question would come. It’s something you gave a lot of thought, something that crossed your mind daily. “I don’t know, Tyson. I really don’t know. You really fucking hurt me, you know? I can’t just look past that, I need to heal from that,” you tell him. Tyson nods his head, a guilty expression on his face. “You made me feel worthless every single day. You didn’t even give me a second of your time day after day. All you cared about was being away. Being away from me?”

It’s right that moment Tyson interrupts you by grabbing your hands. “No. No. That’s not true, you need to believe me,” he tells you as fast as he can.

“But how can I believe you when you never gave me a reason to? Your actions showed me exactly that, Tyson. I need answers, I need to know why,” you exclaim, starting to panic again, your anxiety taking over.

“Easy, baby. I’ll tell you everything you want to know, everything you want, but right now I need you to breath. Breathe, baby,” Tyson says softly, trying to calm your shallow breathing back down to normal. “Listen to my breathing, try to follow the way I breathe.” You do as he says, following the rise and fall of his chest, gaining back control of your own breathing.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize, while Tyson just shakes his head at you, letting you know it’s okay. “Can you take me home, Ty? We can talk later, okay?” you ask him, suddenly feeling the need to crawl underneath the covers of your bed and just simply sleep for a while.

“Anything you want, y/n,” Tyson says, leading you out of the room and back to his car. You’re pretty sure he mumbled something under his breath, something very closely resembling ‘your home isn’t there, it’s with me’.

The drive to Gabe takes longer than expected, giving you more time to think about Tyson’s earlier question. You still need and want to know how he spent his nights, where he spent his nights, and why he acted like you didn’t exist. That conversation might need to wait until another day, you aren’t up for any more information, any more realizations, you still need to process everything you heard, saw and felt today.

Tyson stops the car in front of Gabe’s house, looking back at you with hopeful eyes. You know he still hopes he gets an answer to his earlier question, and you want to give him at least that. “You need to show me you changed, Tyson. Show me you changed for real and I’ll try to get past everything that happened. I can’t promise you anything,” you tell him softly, meaning everything you just said.

Tyson nods his head, a smile of relief on his lips. “I will, I promise you I will show you I changed and that you’re everything to me. I promise, baby.”

So that’s exactly what Tyson does the next few weeks, every free moment he tries to show you just how much you mean to him, without smothering you. Whether it’s taking you out for dinner, although you’re still waiting for Tyson to actually make you dinner by himself one day, to small coffee dates and fresh flowers at work. It’s been a lot to process, a lot of adjusting to this ‘new’ Tyson, or rather seeing the ‘old’ Tyson again. And you missed him, God you missed him so much.

Tyson seems happier, more at peace with himself these days, it’s a pleasant change. Often you wondered what was really going on inside his head, but you stopped trying after he waved it off again, and again, and again. The late night phone calls, or facetiming during road trips have become a habit again, something you didn’t think you would ever experience again with him. You still take things slow with Tyson, deciding to rather allow yourself to slowly start trusting him again than diving head first into a relationship again. Maybe it will never come that far again, you don’t know how the future will look like for the two of you, but for now it’s enough.

You come face-to-face with a smirking Melissa when you get home from yet another ‘iced coffee and donut’ date, even though you’re pretty sure Tyson isn’t allowed to eat any donuts. “Oh no,” you groan at Melissa’s expression.

“It’s time we have a little sister-sister conversation, don’t you think?” she asks you, ushering you into the living room.

“Do we?” you groan again, not in the mood to handle whatever Melissa wants to talk about now, because you already know it’s either about you, Tyson or you and Tyson.

Melissa flops down on the couch, patting the place next to her, indicating for you to sit your ass down. “Did you already talk to him about it?” she asks, straight to point in pure Melissa-style.

You let your head fall back against the cushions, sighing loudly. “I didn’t. We’re doing great, we’re having fun. I’m going to ruin it if I start asking questions again.”

Melissa stays quiet for a minute, trying to figure out the right way to approach this sensitive topic. “You know you deserve the truth, right? You can’t rebuild a relationship when not everything’s on the table, sweetheart,” Melissa says softly, knowing you’re struggling with this.

“I promise I’ll talk to him after the road trip, I don’t want to create any unnecessary negative energy before,” you promise Melissa, although she gives you a ‘who are you trying to fool here’ look before switching topics.

A few days later you find yourself back at Tyson’s place. It’s weird being here, knowing you don’t live here anymore. Nothing changed, absolutely nothing, Tyson kept everything the way you did, whether it’s out of laziness or out of hope you’ll come back on day. Either way it’s weird coming back to a place that’s no longer your home. You came here to talk, nothing more nothing less. You promised Mel you would, and if you’re being honest with yourself it’s time to know the truth, time to reopen old wounds and finally get some answers. You’ve grown closer and closer to Tyson, without knowing everything, without knowing you’d be able to forgive him if he ever made a misstep. It’s time.

Tyson has been a nervous wreck ever since you called him last night after he returned from the road trip to St. Louis. He knew this was coming, but he prayed you would simply forget, even though he knows that’s not fair at all. He can’t excuse his behavior, and he won’t, not anymore. You deserve nothing but the truth, the full truth. He’s not proud of it, but you leaving him opened his eyes, showed him he really needed to change. Tyson feels like that’s something he truly did, he changed for the better, he can only hope you’ll feel the same way. He can only hope you’re still on the same path after tonight.

“You did great these last games, Ty,” you smile at him. You’re proud of the way he’s been performing these last couple of games, he really stepped up his game.

“I know you didn’t come here to talk about my performances on the ice, so can we please skip the pleasantries?” Tyson sighs, catching you completely off guard with his rather harsh approach. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way, I’ve just been so fucking nervous since you called me,” Tyson curses, frustratedly brushing his fingers through his curls.

“You’re right though, I did come to talk. I think it’s time we lay all our cards on the table,” you tell him, nodding at your own answer.

You nervously bite on your lip, playing with the cup of water in your hand. It isn’t every day you ask your ex these questions. Questions you want the answers to, question you maybe don’t even want to hear the answers of. “I need to know if you cheated on me, Ty,” you blurt out, keeping your eyes on the ground, not wanting to see the look on Tyson’s face.

“Look at me, baby,” Tyson says, urging you to look up at him. “I never cheated on you, I wouldn’t do that to you. I promise.”

You shake your head at him, not knowing what to do with these emotions surging through your body. “It doesn’t make sense, Ty. Where were you all those nights? Where were you every time I lay in bed alone waiting for my boyfriend to come home? Waiting if he actually comes home this time or stays out all night again? Where were you?” At this point you’re past the civil conversations, past the friendly banter, you need answers, you need to know why he did what he did. The reason doesn’t even matter at this point, you need to know why. Why did he leave you alone so many nights, worrying about his well being, worrying about if he would come home at some point?

“Fuck, y/n! I know I fucked up, I know I did. But I swear on everything, I swear on my career, I swear on you that I never, never, touched another woman. I never kissed another woman, I never even danced with another woman, I did not cheat on you,” Tyson exclaims, hoping, praying you hear what he’s saying, that you’ll believe him. He didn’t do anything with another person, it was always you, it still is only you and he’ll do everything in his power to prove that to you every damn day.

“Then where were you, Ty? If you weren’t with another woman, then where the fuck were you every night you didn’t came home? Please enlighten me, because I’m so lost, so fucking lost,” you say, feeling utterly frustrated with yourself, with Tyson, with this shitty situation.

Tyson takes a deep breath, placing his cup back on the table. “Shitfaced drunk to the point I couldn’t even remember my own name, or so stoned I saw freaking elephants running all around town. Spending my money on unnecessary shit at clubs and bars, all to forget, trying to forget the fact that I had a perfect girlfriend waiting for me at home, while I did stupid shit. Fuck, this sounds even worse out loud than in my head,” Tyson groans, burying his face in his hands.

“But...,” you start, before Tyson cuts you off.

“I felt ashamed and guilty, y/n. Ashamed I let it get that far every time, guilty I didn’t tell you, guilty I didn’t come home again. One of the guys would just take me back to their place out of sympathy, letting me crash on their couch, trying to sleep off my haze.”

You try to come up with words to say, with anything but nothing comes out, you just feel.. empty? “I don’t understand, Tyson,” you say, at this point not even sure what you don’t understand.

“I tried, y/n. I tried to just come clean, but I couldn’t when you were so nice all the time, I couldn’t when I knew you would hate it, hate me. You know I’m a fucking lightweight, that makes it even worse. But those are no excuses, there aren’t any. I fucked up,” Tyson sighs, giving you a sad smile, “I couldn’t face you, I didn’t know how to show you my vulnerable side without letting it change the way you saw me. I didn’t want you to see me any different, but I didn’t notice I changed until you packed your bags and left me standing in the doorway.”

You’re absolutely speechless, there are so many things you want to say but you can’t form any sentences, any words. You just stare at him, your mind racing with an unlimited amount of thoughts. “Are you okay, baby?” Tyson asks softly, reaching out to put his hand on your arm.

You shake your head from side to side, wiping away the tears that spilled out. “I’m not okay, I’m definitely not okay,” you tell him. “I feel terrible knowing you didn’t feel like you could come to me, like you couldn’t talk to me. I’ve always been your biggest supporter, nothing would’ve changed that, Ty.”

Tyson gently wipes the tears away from underneath your eyes, scooting closer to where you’re seated. “Come here, baby,” he softly says, opening his arms for you. You hesitate for a second, not knowing if this is the right thing to do. Fuck the right thing, you definitely need a hug right now, and judging by Tyson’s facial expression he needs one as well. You lean forward, putting your arms around his neck, breathing in the familiar scent of his body. How long has it been since you hugged each other? You can’t even remember, way too long. Tyson closes his arms around you, pulling you as close as possible to his own body.

“I missed this, Ty. I missed you,” you confess, the feeling of his arms around you, the feeling of Tyson, bringing back so many memories, so many happier times.

“I know we still have a long way to go, but I hope we’ll do this together. I can’t even tell you how great it feels to have my arms around you again, even if it’s just for a moment,” Tyson says, after you both let go of each other.

“We do, but I’m in if you’re in, Ty,” you agree, wanting nothing more than to work through the issues you still have. It’s time to forgive, time to let go, time to change and time to move on.

“I’m all in.”

The talk you had with Tyson that Wednesday evening did wonders for the both of you. You still had a long way to go before you were even remotely close to where you used to be with Tyson, but the most important thing was that you were working on things. Slowly, but steadily the two of you worked on trusting each other again, telling each other important things again, just simply working on being in a healthy relationship again. Although the word never came up, you were nowhere near ready for that commitment, so you settled on something less intimidating. Friends.

It was supposed to be a regular, normal Friday evening with just Melissa and the kids. Gabe and Tyson were playing one of their most important games this season, both of them begged you to come, but it was too late to find a babysitter. Not wanting to be by yourself there and leaving Mel alone, you decided to sit this one out as well, promising to cheer them on in front of the tv. It’s the least you could do. So there you are, seated on the couch wearing your Jost jersey for the very first time again, just as you promised. Weird, like nothing ever changed, even though the exact opposite is true.

You’re bouncing a giggling Linnea Rae on your knee, looking down at her adorable mini jersey. “Look it’s your daddy!” you exclaim excitedly, pointing at the closeup shot of Gabe.

“Daddy!” Linnea Rae giggles just as excited.

You catch Mel softly smiling at your little interaction with her daughter, enjoying the love you share for each other. It’s been a blessing to have you around here, the way you care for her children, but also for her and her husband has been phenomenal. Mel couldn’t wish for a better friend, for a better sister than you.

“Oh no,” you whisper when Tyson gets slammed hard into the glass. Melissa grabs your hand, squeezing softly.

“He’s going to be fine, he’s a tough guy,” she says, trying her best to comfort you. And he is, like the tough guy Tyson is, he gets up again, shaking off the hard hit. The game continues and you’re glad Tyson is fine, skating like he didn’t just get squeezed between a glass wall and a 200 pound hockey player.

All goes well until Gabe decides the best place to smack his stick is directly against Tyson’s face, again. “Not his face, Gabe! Not his fucking face again!” you yell at the screen, thanking Mel for already putting the kids to sleep.

“Shit, that looks bad,” Melissa almost whispers, squeezing your hand again.

You don’t know many things for sure in life, but you sure as hell know Tyson will be spotting a black eye for weeks. But like the tough guy he already proved to be, he just goes on with the game, trying his absolute best to work as hard as he can, giving himself completely to the game, anything to get his team the victory.

“That’s the second time you gave my man a black eye, Gabe. Why do you keep hurting him?” you whine the second Gabe walks into the living room. For a moment the room stays awfully quiet, until you realize what you just said. “I really said that, huh?” you ask, fighting to keep the smile off your face.

“You sure did. But I’m sorry, it was an accident. Again,” Gabe chuckles, shrugging his shoulders.

“Uhu, again,” you say, rolling your eyes at your best friend.

Gabe grins at you, flopping down on the couch next to Mel. “I’ll try not to hurt his pretty face again, okay?” Gabe laughs, shaking his head at you in a playful way.

“Is it weird if I, you know.. went over to check up on him?” you ask your friends, suddenly insecure about the thought of just showing up at his door.

Gabe gives you a soft smile. “I’m absolutely convinced he’d love that, y/n,” Gabe says, pulling Melissa closer to him.

“I know he would, sis,” Melissa agrees with her husband.

“Fine, okay. I’ll be back in a few. Don’t enjoy yourself too much,” you tell the two lovebirds before finding your stuff and almost running out of the front door.

You’re giddy the entire drive to Tyson’s apartment. This could go two ways, either it goes extremely well or this backfires completely. You’re hoping for the first one. Seeing Tyson get hurt gave you some realizations. One of them is that you absolutely hate to see him hurt, and you want nothing more than to be there for him, care for him, to tell him everything will be alright. Which brings you to your second discovery of the evening: you still love him, you’re still completely and utterly in love with Tyson. You can’t, really can’t imagine your life without Tyson in it. It’s your turn to tell him you need him, tell him you don’t want to do anything without him, tell him you still see a future together.

You pick up his favorite comfort food on the way over, cake. You know his nutritionist will hate you for this, but he deserves a treat after taking a stick to the face. You chuckle to yourself when you think of the small cake you bought, it’s stupid and childish, but you love it. The fun you already had makes it absolutely worth it. You park in front of the building, hopping out of the car and quickly making your way over to the floor Tyson occupies.

You rummage around in your coat pocket for the lighter you bought alongside the cake. Quickly placing the cover back into the bag, and lighting up the ‘2’ shaped candle. You snicker to yourself, enjoying this way too much. You knock on the door and patiently wait for Tyson to open up. You hear Tyson approaching, making it harder and harder to keep your composure.

The moment he opens the door his face shifts from slight annoyance, to confused, to happy, and back to confused again. “y/n?” he asks softly, looking between you and the cake, confusion clearly written all over his face.

“Happy second black eye!” you yell, before bursting out in laughter.

Tyson can’t help but join you in your laughter, if there’s one thing he loves about you, it’s your wicked sense of humor. “You really are something special, aren’t you?” Tyson chuckles, shaking his head softly at you, a smile playing on his lips.

“You tell me, Jost,” you say, giving him a wink before walking past him and inside his apartment.

“So you bought me a cake?” Tyson asks you, looking over your shoulder to the cake on his kitchen counter.

“I sure did, thought you’d deserved a treat after what Gabe did to you, again,” you laugh.

“He sure likes to hit me in the face with things. But thank you, this really means a lot to me, baby,” Tyson softly says, squeezing your hip with one of his hands, before grabbing two plates. While Tyson cuts the cake you look for something to drink, deciding water will do for the night.

You flop down on the couch next to Tyson, immediately bringing the fork with a piece of cake to your mouth. “Oh God, that’s so good,” you moan out, you picked some killer cake.

“Don’t make those noises, please,” Tyson groans, stuffing his face with cake.

“I’m sorry I picked such a good freaking cake, mister,” you laugh, nudging him with your foot. Tyson rolls his eyes playfully at you, grabbing your foot with his free hand before you can nudge him again and again.

“Movie?” Tyson asks after you both finished your plates, although Tyson finished the last few bites of your piece. Like he said he’s a needy and hungry man.

“Sure, but just something light and funny, Ty. Nothing dark,” you tell him, knowing he’d love to scare you throughout some horror movie.

While Tyson scrolls through the movies, you make yourself more comfortable on the couch, laying back against the cushions with your feet against Tyson. He looks at you, scanning your body, clearly thinking about something since his eyebrows keep furrowing and relaxing.

“Come here, Tyson,” you softly say when he finally picks a movie to watch, opening your arms for him. His eyes shoot to yours, like he can’t actually believe you just told him that. He gives you a quick smile, before moving towards you, laying down beside you.

He rests his head against your chest, just like he used to do so long ago, his arm wrapped around your waist. “Is this okay?” he asks you, making sure you aren’t uncomfortable, even though you’re the one who suggested this.

“It’s perfect, Ty,” you reassure him.

Halfway through the movie you can’t resist the temptation to run your fingers through his curls any longer. Tyson groans softly when your nails rake over his scalp, sending chill through your body. “That’s so good, please never stop doing that,” he groans out, pulling you tighter against him.

“I wasn’t planning on it, Ty,” you tell him, smiling at the way his eyes shoot to yours.

“You aren’t? Are you serious?” he asks you quietly, eyes still locked on yours.

“I am, love. I came to the conclusion that you’re worth all the risks in life. You’re my light, my guiding light in darkness, my light at the end of the tunnel,” you say, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead. You try to express your emotions towards Tyson, trying to make him feel what you felt when you came to the sudden realization he’s worth taking a risk.

“What does that mean, baby?” Tyson asks you softly, an uncertain smile on his lips.

“It means I’m willing to give us another shot, another go. I want to try again, Ty.”

You can’t help the smile that forms on your lips when you look at Tyson’s face, the realization setting in, the happiness and the gratefulness spreading all over his face, the relief flooding through his body.

“How does that work?” Tyson asks again, clearly trying to rid himself of any insecurities, any questions he has. You gladly take those insecurities away from him.

“A clean slate, completely starting over again to give us both a fresh start. How does that sound?” you ask him.

Tyson nods at you, the happiness radiation off him. “A fresh start, I like the sound of that,” Tyson muses. The changes on his face fascinates you, it seems like he goes through a whole range of emotions in just a few minutes. Until he reaches one you know all too well, mischief. He looks at you, the familiar glimmer in his eyes tells you he’s definitely up to something. He sends you a soft and sweet smile, that almost melts you into a puddle right there and then. “Hi, I’m Tyson,” he says, extending his hand to you. You can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of you, this is exactly how Tyson is. Funny, charming, an absolute dream.

“You’re a goof, you know that?” you tell him, softly shaking your head at him, but the big grin on your face tells him you loved that. Tyson intertwined his fingers with yours, squeezing softly. When he doesn’t make any other moves you take matters into your own hand, slowly leaning in and softly pressing your lips on his. The familiarity, the rush of emotion flooding through your body hits you like a ton of bricks. The feeling of his lips against yours light something deep inside of you, and just like that you finally feel complete again.

[1-800-sope]

Alphabet boy (m) Part 2.

Pairing: Namjoon X reader

Rating: M

Genre: Tiny bit of yandere lots of angst

Warnings: Aggressive Namjoon, Manipulative Namjoon, Toxic relationship, some tiny slight abuse. !Namjoon is a jerk!

Summary: He was good at  everything and wasn’t afraid to remind you of it again.

BTS Masterlist

BTS Melaine Martinez series

Part 1.

it was a new year, new times with new beginnings. to say you were excited for college would be an understatement. you successfully got into the best university out there, but you didn’t get into it alone Namjoon was by your side through the begging and to now.

“Hey, honey.” Namjoon pulled the seat next to you out, placing a kiss on your cheek. “Hi.” You whispered back eyes lighting up at the sight of your boyfriend.

Namjoon smiled at you before pulling out his textbooks.

Honestly, a part of you still couldn’t believe that you were dating Namjoon The Kim Namjoon, your arch nemeses, your childhood best friend/enemy. Nobody would have seen this coming.

But Namjoon did, he was so confident that you would say yes when he asked you out on a date and he had every right to be because you said yes, after mentally freaking out for a good two weeks.

But Jin’s wise words led you to your final decision “You know what they say about hate relationships, it turns into passionate love. Go get that man sis.”  and now here you are seven months strong with Kim Namjoon.

The benefits of being his girlfriend were much better than being his enemy. He is a sweetheart to you, so kind that you thought he was mentally sick and almost backed out of the relationship. He also spoils you so much, whatever you want? he gets it for you, oh so your cold and lonely at night? He’s up and on his way to cuddle you, somebody said something not so nice about your outfit? On his way to get them kicked out of the school.

You're Namjoon’s most prized possession, You're his little doll and he will do anything and everything to keep you happy.

but half of you should have known that the past is still there.. that his old ways are still there, his need to remind you that he’s better, smarter, perfect, was still there lying beneath the surface just waiting to show up again.

and sadly it did.

”You know y/n I thought you left your idiotic childish ways back in high school, don’t you think it’s time to grow the fuck up now?” His words hit you like a truck making you stop in your tracks.

today wasn’t a good day, it was a bad day, a very very very bad day for you, and all you wanted all you needed was your loving boyfriend to be with you. he didn’t have to hold you, or stick to you like glue, just being in the same room would be enough for you but that was too much for him.

“Namjoon I just want to spend time with you...why are you being like this?” You were honestly confused everything was fine this morning it was all soft and pretty, you guys went on your every morning coffee date at the cafe before school started, then you walked to school while holding hands kissing each other goodbye when classes started. later you two met up for your library date during break.

has the honeymoon faves ended?

“Because you are so annoying and pathetic and you want attention twenty-four seven y/n!” Namjoon was annoyed he was frustrated about something and he snapped when you walked in the room after he purposely denied all of your calls, he thought you would take the hint and leave him alone for a bit, but you didn’t so now he’s doing the only thing he can do. he’s letting all his anger and frustration out on you.

Namjoon stared at you as your face started to heat up and the tears came to the surface, you thought he would realize what he said was wrong what he was doing was wrong but no he shot more bullets.

“You honestly can’t function without me isn’t that right doll?” He smirked walking towards you as you took a step back avoiding eye contact.

“It’s okay doll, It’s okay that you can’t do anything without me, that you depend on me, that without me you would be absolutely nothing. But right now since I’m being nice let me help you make a wise decision, a very smart one and you being my good girl will listen. alright?”

He brought his hand out patting your head ignoring your flinch.

“Right now you are going to turn back around, leave this room and leave me the fuck alone.” Namjoon grabbed the back of your head yanking your hair making you look up at him in his eyes.

you cried.

This wasn’t your Namjoon, this wasn’t your sweet boyfriend.

this was the monster you hated.

“Well? What are you waiting for? go.” he pushed you forward towards the door making you lose your step but you caught yourself and without looking back you left letting the door slam right behind you.

“Apples aren't an always appropriate apologies”

You came back, you didn’t want to but you had to this was your home too, you were now regretting getting a shared apartment with him.

 when you arrived back home it was late, Namjoon was fast asleep on the couch he was waiting for you but fell asleep while doing it all his worrying drained him out.

but you weren’t so easy to forgive someone you never were and Namjoon knew that

that’s why he’s currently crying in front of the guest room door, the room you haven’t left ever since your return.

“Baby, I’m so so so sorry.” Namjoon choked on his tears his hand touching the door an apple in the other.

“I know you are upset with me and you have every right to be, you do. Shit even I’m upset with myself. What I said was wrong what I did was wrong and my anger was no excuse to act that way towards you.”

During his little speech, you shed some tears with the memories of yesterday rushing back to you.

“You are angry with me and that’s okay but please accept this apple. You have to eat y/n.”

-

“Butterscotch and bubblegum drops are bittersweet to me”

It’s been three days, three days and you still haven’t accepted Namjoon’s apology but you did go back to your shared room and went back to having breakfast lunch, and diner with him, even though you didn’t let him touch you and you only responded with humms and the nod of your head it was still progress

“Here, drink this.” Namjoon handed you the coffee cup. you two were at your lovely cafe on a Monday morning right before classes. You gave a smile as you grabbed your cub and started making your way out of the cafe and towards the school’s building that was down the street.

As Namjoon talked about one of his classes that he was in you took a sip of your coffee

Butterscotch

“And I said that he can’t put those two together because they wouldn’t contrast.” Namjoon chuckled as he grabbed your hand swinging it back and forth a smile on his face looking over at you. “You okay doll?” He asked smile slowly fading. You quickly shook your head a fake smile on your face to ease his worry

you honestly didn’t have time for an upset Namjoon on your hands

you were just so tired.

his smile recovered and he kissed your cheek “good.”

“Well, we are here now, our library date at our usual table at three pm?” Namjoon asked and you nodded. “Good. oh and I picked up some chapstick for you, I know how much you love the cute little flavored ones.”

Namjoon digging in his pocket pulling out a chapstick and it made you forget about the Butterscotch coffee as he placed it in your hand. “Thank you Namjoon.” You smiled not looking down at the Chapstick but up at him.

“No problem, get inside class is about to start.”

A smile was on your face as you walked inside finally taking a look at the chapstick in your hands

you halted in your steps and your smile dropped

Bubblegum.

-

“You call me a child while you keep counting all your coins”

“Honestly y/n can you just STOP!” Namjoon snapped cutting you off mid-question. 

“Stop? stop what Namjoon? What am I doing?” You were so confused his mood did a whole 360 shocking you.

“You are being annoying.” he spoke rubbing his hand on his face expressing his tiredness looking at you with annoyed eyes.

“Annoying? how am I being annoying?” You stood there in front of him holding eye contact with your arms crossed.

Namjoon looked at you like you were stupid

“Really? we’re gonna play that game now are we? The “Let’s ask stupid questions” game?” You took a step back thinking about how this all took a turn for the worse.

You were just sitting in the living room reading your book as Namjoon came out of the bathroom dressed up nicely ready to leave. you asked him where he was going...he ignored you so you asked again and again and again

until he snapped.

“I was no-” He cut you off.

“Yes you were y/n you were being annoying!”

“I was asking a simple question maybe if you didn’t ignore me-”

“God! Why does it matter where I am going huh! Why is it any of your business y/n!”

“Because I’m your fucking girlfriend Kim Namjoon!”

The room went silent

Namjoon laughed

he laughed

“No honey, you are not my girlfriend you are a child because that’s what you are acting like right now.” He said amused with this whole situation while you were now the annoyed one

“I am NOT a child Namjoon!” You cried at your breaking point. It was pathetic really how easily you cried. But you couldn’t help it.

Namjoon stopped he took a deep breath in as he saw your tears. He walked over to you gently placing both of his hands on either side of your face wiping your tears.

“Are you sure about that y/n? because you are crying like one right now.” He chuckled and you were shocked into silence. “Ok, how about this y/n I’m gonna go and you stay home and be a good doll for me? Let’s end this stupid useless conversation.”

“no.”

“No?” Namjoon repeated raising his eyebrow.

You took a step back shaking your head as Namjoon dropped his hands to his side annoyed that you won’t let this end.

“No namjoon I don’t have to listen to anything you say, I am my own person I am not dumb, I am not stupid, And if i don’t want to let shit slide and get over it I won’t.” 

“Grate amazing you are finally speaking up for yourself do that at a different time.” He rolled his eyes making you more annoyed more fed up. “Namjoon it seems like you don’t care about my feelings like you never ever cared at all.” You threw your hands up moving away from him now he was the one that was following you around.

“What do you mean I never cared? That’s all I ever did through this whole relationship, I cared for, I looked after you, I helped you. You are just too much of a stupid spoiled brat see that shit.”

“Shut up Namjoon, god can you stop playing the victim card for once.” You snapped back turning on your heels.

“Your seriously acting up after everything i did for you everything I’ve been doing for you? Things your own daddy wouldn’t do for you?”

“But you're not my daddy and I'm not your dolly, I don’t have to listen shit you say anymore and I don’t need you.”

it was silent

dead silent

besides your heavy breathing along with Namjoons

“oh...is that so?” he asked glaring at you.

“Yes...it is so.” You responded back with the same energy.

“Than I guess you should leave?” He crossed his arms staring at you.

“I guess I will.” You chuckled looking away from him.

and that’s how it ended, the passionate love you both had for each other turned back into hate, more hate there than there was before.

Tag List: @minshookie29 @casualminiaturetimemachine @angryperfectionpersona @jinssexytoe @omgsuperstarg @mwitsmejk @earthtoness

A/n: I know that this was so quick to publish but i got so excited with how good part one turned out to be so I couldn’t help myself to write up part two and quickly publish it. I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED ITTT!!! new readers let me know if you want to be apart of the Melaine Martinez tag list series

[parachutingkitten]

Y'all suck at dissecting Kai's character, so I guess I have to do it.

And I'm not even a Kai stan. He's a bottom tier ninja for me, which I guess means you can trust me, cuz I'm not biased, but also why am I the one doing this? I don't know about y'all, but recently on my dash, the method by which Kai fans try to make him sound good is... saying the writers hate him, ignore him, and that he isn't written well? Which... I mean there is a little bit of truth to, but like yikes guys, is this the best you got? Kai is a wonderful character with plenty of attention from the writers, a meaningful piece of the cast when put in secondary rolls, fairly consistent character writing with actual progression and valuable qualities that help the team without having to be the smart one- despite what some posts might tell you.

Let's get one thing cleared up: Ninjago isn't the best written show. By high level Hollywood standards, most the character arcs are kinda weak or too heavy handed, character consistency can be iffy, and most things serve the plot rather than the characters. There is no character you can point to and say "wow, this character is written so well! No complaints!" Nya and Jay were butchered by their weird love plot, Cole's one season doesn't actually give him an arc, Zane's been nothing but the robot numbers guy for like 10 seasons now, and Lloyd seems to be incapable of doing anything but relive the same one piece of dad angst for depth. Sorry, it's true. All the characters suck when you look at it from a large scale writing perspective. So when I say Kai is well written, I mean by ninjago kids show standards- cuz that's the scale we're working on. No, you couldn't drop Kai into a well written drama, but as far as ninjago goes... he's got a lot going for him, and by no means is he the biggest victim of poor writing.

(fair warning, wall of text below)

The title is a bit disingenuous. There are plenty of good Kai character break downs. What I am presenting here is a more positive perspective. On the whole, I will tend to give the writers the benefit of the doubt, and credit for what they do right writing is hard guys. That's what I'm doing here. I don't see much sense in getting mad the writers on behalf of Kai, or any other character. Ninjago is a simplistic ensemble show that works because of the identifiable simplicity of its main characters with some deeper layers hidden underneath if you keep watching. They've given us a damn good show with some damn enjoyable characters, so here are some criticisms I feel are a little flawed:

First, let's get the 'focus' thing out of the way. Apparently there are people saying Kai doesn't have a season yet? Which... what? I mean, I get that the pilots aren't a full season, the first two seasons, though he is the central protagonist, aren't "Kai seasons" as we've come to define ninja focus seasons, season 7, though he gets majority focus, he shares with his sister. But like... did y'all just forget about season 4? You know, the season where he had the title card, was on the box sets, got the love interest, and the majority of the A-plot? not to mention it's the best season don't @ me Like... if season 4 isn't a Kai season, I can make a damn good argument that season 3 isn't a Zane season, and I doubt anyone wants to go down that rabbit hole. I really can't wrap my head around this one. And I get that the fandom hates season 11 for some reason, but like you can't just pretend it doesn't exist. Kai has a consistent arc across 30 episodes in which he takes his powers for granted, loses them, and learns that, not only does he have value within the team without them, but that his element is intrinsically a part of him that he reclaims, bringing them back more powerful than ever, and with new respect for them. That's one of the most solid arcs in the whole series- the location is even thematically connected to his element. That's some good stuff right there! (Quick plug for season 11 if you haven't watched it in a while. Give it a rewatch, you might be pleasantly surprised)

Not to mention the writers give him fun side stuff all the time. Lots of fears of tech and water to overcome, a deep protective streak with Lloyd, becoming a chancellor, having a true potential actually relevant to the plot as a whole, blacksmith responsibilities, befriending dragons, hanging out with his dad. Not to mention actual focus stuff we haven't talked about yet, like his whole "my dad is evil" phase, and his "I might be evil" phase with him and Skylor. And on top of that, even when he doesn't have an explicit side plot, he's always just a fun and dynamic side character to make jokes or give exposition.

Now, into character stuff. Let's start with Kai's hot headed-ness. Some people say he's been loosing this quality, and I will admit, that's true! But those that claim this makes him inconsistent... I strongly disagree. In early seasons, Kai's temper would lead him to snap at his friends or make stupid decisions that set the team back (see episode 2 Zane freak out)- these are bad things. These are character flaws, yes? Now, in newer seasons, people say that he's inconsistent, cuz sometimes he'll be hot headed, and sometimes he won't. I'd say, this is exactly how being hot headed... works? It flares up without warning, and as an individual gets control of it, it'll pop up less and less often because they're channeling it into productive things - like say directing the anger towards an enemy (see season 11 end freak out). Kai has gained control of a character flaw, and though it still pops up on occasion, the fact that it's a once in a while kind of thing speaks to his growth. I have a little brother who has this exact personality, and watching him grow up, I can tell you, this is how it is. He used to snap all the time, and he still does sometimes, but much less frequently, because he's a more mature person with better control of his emotions. This is a good thing. This is overcoming personal flaws. This is progression we're seeing.

And while you're hyper focused on this one aspect of him, things like his cocky confidence haven't changed a bit. I mean, that season 3 bit between him and Pixal, and his season 11 "fire maker" streak have the exact same energy. You can not convince me otherwise.

Another adjacent quality that hasn't been dampened is Kai's impulsiveness. This can be a good quality of his, he'll get into a fight without thinking, getting the jump on the enemy. Good stuff. But, this has become such a well defined trait of Kai's that it has been used in a comedic capacity. This is what happens when a character is extremely consistent to the extent that both the audience and the characters in universe would be able to predict their actions. Kai's impulsivity used to be a more serious quality that put himself and others at risk, and was a big power move whenever he did something rash, but it's become such a staple of the show that it's now being used for comedy. That isn't Kai's impulsivity going away, that's Kai's impulsivity being recontextualized for the sake of the show. The season 9 "Who's stupid enough to jump on that thing" isn't a joke at the expense of Kai just for being dumb, it's a joke at Kai's being so predictably impulsive that everyone already knows he'll be the one to put himself in an insane amount of danger without thinking twice (you know, something stupid that might get him killed). But because in this instance, the danger is warranted, this is bravery. It's a complement to his character- it's what ends up defeating the colossus. Why are some people so bothered by this joke?

Oh right, cuz for some reason people want to peg Kai as the smart one? Look, Kai isn't stupid, none of the ninja are. All of them have smart moments (all of them have dumb ones too) and Kai can certainly handle himself, but "smart" is definitely not one of his defining characteristics- I think some people are confusing smart for his actual strength. Connected to his impulsivity, Kai has very good simplistic instincts. He sees the big picture and looks at the most surface level solution- which when the situation calls for it, that does indeed make him smart. But the same logic that led him to think "This snake has a glowing target on its head, lets hit it" also led him to think "I'm in a video game, therefore I am immortal." Are you really going to look at me and say he figured out Lloyd was the green ninja through logical deduction and a careful consideration of the facts? No. He had a gut feeling, and he trusted it. Instincts- instincts paired with his impulsive following of said instincts is what leads him to solve problems- and sometimes, that can be extremely effective. This goes for other ninja too. Jay isn't the smartest ninja- I would really only classify Zane and Nya as having intelligence define them (hence their ship name). But Jay is extremely creative and crafty. He also knows his was around mechanics, and as such, this will lead him to come up with creative tech based solutions which are smart. But, idk about you, if I had to point to another ninja as being 'dumb' it would 100% be Jay. Kai is a lot of things. He's passionate and determined and confident and persistent. He's a good improvisor, he's powerful and he's charming! These are all wonderful qualities, he doesn't also have to be the smart one. I am the worlds biggest Pixal stan, and she's a smart, sassy, powerful character, but I'm not gonna sit here and tell you she's also hilarious and adaptable and strong willed. She's a straight man to all the ninja's antics, extremely tied to her samurai x suit, and lets people push her around all the time. That doesn't mean she can't be funny, or self interested, but when she does act these ways, it stems from her other more prominent qualities. That make sense?

And while we're clearing up what Kai isn't, please stop characterizing Kai as an overly protective brother - especially romantically. The only two times he's been romantically protective to Nya are in Wu's Teas which I mean, come on and in the pilots when Jay is literally a stranger. For crying out loud, by the end of the pilot, he's smiling when Jay and Nya hug. That's not overly protective, that's just normal, any reasonable person would react this way, protective. And it's such a great stereotype break for a kids show like ninjago, having an older brother who actually trusts his younger sister to be her own independent person who can make her own decisions. I mean, I guess it's fine if you HC differently but like... idk, I don't buy it.

Now, is there still room to criticize the writers? Yes. Hell yes. But not to an extent greater than any other character. Could he have had more of a defined reaction to events of the most recent season that I won't name for the sake of spoilers? Yes. But could Zane have reacted for more than .5 seconds at being an evil war lord for apparently 60 years? Yeah. Has Kai taken a back seat in the past 4 seasons? Yeah. But so has Lloyd- and he's literally the main character of the show. Not to mention two of those seasons have gone to people who had to wait over ten seasons to get one to themselves, and one of them is a 40 minute special. Kai's doing just fine.

Anyway. Kai is great. He's a fun, stereotype breaking, impulsively driven, ball of energy and confidence who gets a good amount of screen time and some fun side plots.

One last thing to clear up: no hate to anyone. This isn't targeted at anyone specific, this post has been a long time coming, I've just seen some weird overblown claims on various platforms over the past few months and I finally sat down to write about it.

I like the Kai content we have. After all, if the writers were really that bad at writing him, then no one would like him.

Wow this was so much longer than I thought it would be. Um... if you have other long winded rants you'd like to see from me... let me know I guess?

[twatshag]

"Can I ask you something?"

♤ In which haikyuu boys ask you personal questions ♤

Pairings: iwaizumi x reader, osamu x reader, kuroo x reader All gn!!

Warnings: mentions of death(not the characters), suggestive topics, mentions of daddy issues, mention of past troubles, insecurities, mentions of exs cheating, crying

Genre: fluff, slightly angsty but still fluffy.

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A/N: In honour of mental health month I wanted to write this piece to make you guys feel loved by the boys ! You are loved and cared for and as much as I hated hearing it but things WILL get better. Stay strong I want you to fight.- Kira

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Miya Osamu

You and your boyfriend were cuddling against one another in your bed it was a routine you both loved doing on your free days. Basking in each others warmth while talking about your days and what the future holds.

Osamu's laugh rang through the bedroom walls while he played with your hair. "And then she literally drops her cake right onto my laptop and it freakin' broke it!!" "Ma god angel was tha cake that hard?" "You have no idea how much I wanted to punch her for one, baking a cake that was literally so hard if I ate a rock it would've been softer and two for breaking my freaking laptop !".

Osamu chuckled once again as he kissed your forehead and you frowning because of how can he find the awful events that you've been dealing with all week funny at all.

"There there angel A don't want ya getting forehead wrinkles from frowning too hard ya know." He chuckled while poking your ticklish sides earning a slap on his hand. "Jeez I think I'd literally cry if I ever got them." Osamu smiled against your hairline as the conversation came to a halt maybe this was the right moment to ask what he's been thinking about all week he thought.

"Angel can a ask you something?". You tilted your head to look at him while he gazed right back at you while popping an eyebrow at his question "is your question going to be 'can ya help me get off?' ? Because your answer is no."

Osamu chuckled and rolled his eyes at your so bold statement just a while back in your relationship you'd be blushing profusely if he made any type of suggestive comment wondering what happened to his innocent S/o.

"Nah angel I'm serious here". Noticing his serious features you decided to nod and see what he has to say.

Gulping he decided to ask away. "What made ya believe in love again? Ya know after yer ex had cheated on ya?" Your eyes widened at his sudden question earning a worried panicked look from him. Looking around the room to avoid this awkward situation he put himself into "Y-ya dont hafta answer ya know A- a Just couldn't-" "you."

His eyes met yours with a dumb founded expression you deciding to continue on since there was no backing down now. I mean you always knew that one day he'd ask you about it but it still made you sink a bit when he did.

"I mean sure of course there would be times where you smelled different or something and I'd panic or times you got so many notifications on your phone and i'd let my past get the better of me and snoop but after 3 months of dating, you told me something that just healed everything I've been through."

You smiled at him and he looked back at you with a curious look to what his so called healing words were.

"You told me you loved me. And I know that sounds so stupid" you laughed heavily releasing the lump in your throat.

"But the way you looked at me was like an unspoken promise to never hurt me like he did." You shrugged smiling at him and burying your face against his chest.

Osamu was dumbfounded by your response sure he knew he might be the reason but confirmation doesnt make the love sick smug grin on his face and the warmth rising to it any less effective.

He held you as tight as he can. "God angel ya really know how to get a man flustered say how bout ya help me get o-" "no" "Angelllllllllllll" you scoffed at him and hit his chest. "Shut up and sleep Miya" to which he laughed at the sound of his last name even when you were upset and you addressed him by his last name he can't help but smile at how beautiful it sounded coming from you. "Yer breaking ma heart here angel don't make me take yer cuddling rights." Chuckling as your grip around him tightened and drifting off to sleep together while he played with your hair.

Making mental note to always be the one who heals you forever because you were the one who healed him too and God did he love you so much for everything that you did.

Iwaizumi Hajime

Today was your regular late night drive throughs and talks about your life while stuffing your face with fast food with your beefy athletic trainer boyfriend.

As you brought the sandwich to your mouth and took a big bite you moaned at the heavenly taste earning a chuckle from the green eyed man next to you.

"Can't believe I'm not the one who's making you moan that way but a sandwich."

You rolled your eyes at his snarky comment while stuffing your mouth with the sandwich "shushth up iwa-chanth".

"Jeez who knew romance was dead L/n and I told you stop calling me that and don't speak with a mouth full last time you did you had to clean my car seat" he laughed earning an intensive glare his way from you.

You swallowed and thought about a good come back for a second. "I wasn't the one who threw up in my cup holder was I? Iwaaa-chaaaannnn" making sure to drag the annoying nickname out just to tease him.

He rolled his eyes at you "you're such a brat, doll and you know how I can't deal with spicy food who's fault was that?" You laughed "oh shut up, you loved me for the after care you got Hajime." "I'll think about it."

Smacking his chest lightly as you both laughed into the night.

Should I ask ? I really don't want to pry. I mean it's been weeks since they've told me about it and I dont want them to feel alone maybe I shouldn't ask them iwaizumi thought to himself while staring at the sandwich in his hands. But before he could decide he was snapped back to reality by your voice "not hungry Haji?" Before he could settle on a decision the words have already come out of his mouth.

"Doll can I ask you something?" You raised an eye brow at his sudden serious tone and you nodded "of course, anything haji-baby" feeling the atmosphere turn tense you decided to pull out the favourite nick name card and he smiled nervously.

"Do you miss her?" You felt your heart sink. Your friend had gotten into an accident talking with her boyfriend while driving resulting them in a critical state which lead to them passing away. You smiled weakly.

"Yes I do.." he stared at you worried that he might've crossed a line or broke a boundary but before he could overthink you opened your mouth to speak again.

"But you know, my care taker always told me something that always stuck to me about death. They said Nobody dies before age" he frowned confusingly. "What do you mean?" He asked eager to know what your statement meant.

"It means that when a person passes away they've served their purpose and they accomplished what they wanted to on earth so they go into their next step. A life even better than what they've gotten." You gazed at him smiling of course it hurt, alot but your friend was very successful and very happy when you went to the funeral and walked up to her casket the way she lied there was a peaceful sight. Slight smile on her face despite her body being cold.

As much as it hurt saying good bye you couldn't help but smile at how happy she looked to earn peace of an even better life in the next. Leaving her pain behind her.

Iwaizumi reached to hold your hand thinking he couldn't possibly be more in love how foolish he thought.

"You're really strong you know that?" You laughed heavily squeezing his hand while a few tears slipped out of your eyes. "Its a part of life you know its just it always hurts when they leave but it makes me at ease knowing that something better is out there for them."

You looked up at your boyfriend who was tearing up in front of you exchanging silent smiles and promises to never be sad when anything happens to you both individually because at the end of the day the light at the end of the tunnel is always brighter than the start.

Kissing in the dead of night as a confirmation to what you both were thinking and agreeing to your promise. While he held you in his arms remembering to always make you feel better because even though his job was draining coming home to you and embracing you was something that always, always made him feel better. Hoping that it would be your cure as well.

Kuroo Tetsuro

"Kitten! Come help me with this!" Kuroo whined as he was trying to hang up the drawn portrait of your pet dog on the wall. Today was just a normal lazy day in the kuroo & L/n household. "Tetsu- stop whining can't you see I'm busy here" you rolled your eyes at your 6'2 pouting boyfriend who's suddenly bad at everything he can do alone knowing damn well he just uses it as an excuse to be close to you.

Despite what everyone thought of Kuroo he sure was the clingy type in fact if you got up to the bathroom during the night he'd whine about how you don't love him anymore because you left his arms.

Walking over to you trying to put the portrait into different frames you had placed on the floor deciding which one would look the best on the wall. He crouched down to your level and hugged you from behind while resting his chin on your shoulder.

"Kitten don't use that sassy tone with me I'm still your senpai chibi-chan." You giggled and rolled your eyes at his silly nickname "you know that it's been 5 years since high school right ?" He smirked at you and kissed your neck earning a whimper from you at the warm sensation. "But you're still my chibi-chan" "whatever you say captain"

you smiled at his warmth while sliding the portrait out of the frame you put it in. "Say chibi-chan, why don't you start calling me captain in bed?" You looked at him with the best deadpan expression you could make while he wiggled his eyebrows at you as a way to say 'whatcha think???' "No". You answered back.

you stood up grabbing the frame you thought fit best on the wall and he followed you like a lost puppy "oooohhh come on chibi-chan, how would that hurt? You refused to call me daddy you know!" You laughed at his annoying smug grin and rolled your eyes at his pouty face.

"I'm not calling you captain testu- besides why isn't testu enough for you? Sex is supposed to be intimate why would I call you something that I don't like thinking about." You chuckled,

but he knew better than anyone that your chuckle wasn't because you thought it was funny but because you were hiding the slight pain in your voice.

If you had anything common with kuroo it was that your home wasn't as perfect either. Your father was indeed home and he lived with you guys but if he wasn't it would've probably been for the better. And he knew about that.

"Kitten can I ask you something?" You rolled your eyes thinking this was going to be another bribe for you to call him some nick name during sexual intercourse but decided to play along. "Aye aye captain ask away." Popping the cardboard open to place the portrait inside the decided frame you heard him swallow and he opened his mouth to talk.

"Is it because of him?" You almost dropped the portrait from your hands. Grip hardening on the piece of paper in your hold.

You looked at him sadness reflecting your eyes trying to hide it behind your weak smile. You nodded. "Yeah. It is".

You didn't notice how your hand started shaking becoming angry and over rushed with every negative emotion in your body tears swelling up your eyes not noticing how your boyfriend was already by your side placing the paper you held so tightly on to the side while pulling you in to his chest and relaxing as you softened against him.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked you that." You sniffles against shaking your head. "No it's okay, it's just.." he placed his hand on your head tracing his thumb against your hair lightly something that always soothed you when your sad.

"I just don't want to remember him, You know and I still feel like it's my fault that he's the way he is, maybe if I-" "no."

Kuroo cut you off by lifting your chin up to look at him worry and pain plastered onto his face. How can anyone hurt you he thought.

"It's not your fault kitten, if anything he's the asshole. You didn't deserve him and his shitty behaviour if I was in his place I would've made sure to protect you even from myself."

You laughed while he wiped your tears and you leaned to his touch "you just made this sound gross testu" he chuckled and pulled you into his chest once again allowing you to hear his racing heart that only raced for you.

"guess I'm gross for making my kitten laugh while crying" you giggled wrapping your arms tightly around him, enjoying his warmth and love for a few seconds before mumbling. "Captain sounds nice.." giggling to yourself and suddenly yelping as he picked you up bridal style and kissing your lips making his way to the bedroom

"Tetsu put me down!!! We still didn't hang the portrait yet!!" He chuckled as you squirmed in his hold "nope I'm sure the portrait could wait right now I have to take this new nickname for a test drive" as he closed the door to the bedroom leaving you and your worries behind.

You knew that at the end of the day kuroo would never hurt you. Unless it's in bed but that's beside the point.. he truly loved you and while you laid in his arms that night completely bare he vowed to himself to always protect you. Even if that meant from himself.

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A/N: I hope that you guys enjoyed this piece dedicated to mental health month! Please don't ever doubt your feelings they are valid and you have every right to feel the way you feel thank you all for being the way you guys are ! Much love to everyone! Stay strong

P.S: ILL UPDATE AS SOON AS I GET MY REQUESTS OPEN!!!

- with love kira

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[bensons-bitch]

Opinions on Jimmy , Kit , Tate and Kai? (AHS)

Sure!! First, let me start off by saying that ALL of Evan’s characters are very different and he did a great job with them! Also, feel free to send me more if these, if anyone would like! This was fun to answer and really made me think haha. 

But now time to judge the characters :) (hopefully I answered properly, I am quite bad at writing out my thoughts and honestly do prefer talking it out so I tried my best to organize my thoughts haha)

Jimmy: It has been a while since I watched Freak Show (I don’t rewatch it much because it’s not my fav season). What I remember is that I thought he was dumbed down sometimes? Just there are a lot of decisions made that don’t make sense and were just stupid at some points. Aside from that, I think he is underrated; he isn’t talked about very much and he WAS a really good guy (cared about others, wanted the best for his family, etc.). 

Kit: Underrated, or at least from what I have seen! I barely see Kit talked about but he’s one of Evan’s BEST characters. Side note; I really like his accent and his hair haha. He’s very sweet and caring, so I like him at lot because of that (nice guys don’t finish last in my books!!). Honestly, he’s a very, VERY good character that I don’t see talked about enough! He has a lot of depth to him as well. I don’t like how we never visited his storyline/the aliens again (there’s no DIRECT link/mention/explanation). But that isn’t really related to his character directly. I also like his relationship with Lana!! So sweet!! And how he treated Sister Jude at the end? Yeah, he’s a good guy. 

Tate: Now, if we are JUST talking Murder House Tate, HE IS NOT A GOOD PERSON SO STOP WITH HIM AND VIOLET. They did NOT have a healthy relationship, so PLEASE stop saying they were perfect for each other. Now, despite that, I think Tate was a very intriguing character, lots of depth, etc. Apocalypse helped clear Tate’s name though/redeemed him into a good person being tormented by evil. It’s not that I HATE Tate (although, also, I do in a a sense). I think I mostly hate how people have romanticized him so much as the perfect guy when he wasn’t?? Also, I feel like he can be a bit overrated sometimes...just in my experience of what I’ve seen. Idk if that makes sense haha.   

Kai: FIRST LET ME START WITH I DO NOT LIKE HIM AT ALL! He’s literal human trash (but that how he’s supposed to be, he’s a cult leader). But also I really liked his character in the sense that he was so fucked up?? I don’t know if that makes sense. He was very charismatic and stuff and just...typical cult leader, super charismatic, super messed up. Kai is TERRIBLE, but also I found myself wanting to know what he was thinking. Similar to Tate, he was intriguing, especially at the beginning of the season when we knew very little about him. I feel like he did come off as just a ‘normal guy’ at first (or whatever), which is just like how a cult leader would be seen as?? Anyways, yeah; interesting character to say the least.  

[fizzychocolatemilk]

You've Got a Friend in Me (You've Got Troubles. I've Got 'em too.) (A Bakudeku Tropetember Fic)

Another Tropetember thingy (this one is a little late though...oops). I classify this one as a fic because it surpassed 1K. This one is for day eight:  5+1 / 3+1 (Five Times + One Time). AO3 link is here. It’s slightly angsty...so beware of feels.

tw: use of the f slur, homophobia, unsupportive parents, bullying

(1.)

“You’ll always be nothing but some dumbass, lightning-bolt faggot! You should just pack up and quit the hero course now. You’re too stupid to ever make it further than some lowly sidekick position,” the boy finished his abuse before dissolving into obnoxious laughter. 

 Said boy was one of Denki’s middle school classmates. Denki had accidentally run into him because he was texting Eijirou. The boy had looked over his shoulder and seen Eiji’s name (along with a heart) and started making fun of him for being “a faggot”. Denki knew he shouldn’t take what some asshole said to heart, but the things that he said reminded Denki of other times when he had been put down similarly. Lots of people seemed to think he was an incompetent dumbass who could never do anything right unless he had help, and, while sure, he was a little slow in academics...he definitely had other skill sets that made him a kick-ass hero! That didn’t mean that it was easy to convince himself of that.

 “Denki-kun! Hi!” a voice broke Denki out of his spiral.

 Denki turned toward the voice and, low and behold, it was Izu-kun. Denki gave Izuku a weak smile and a wave as he stood tensely next to the bully.

 “Denki! Who’s this? A friend?” Izuku asked as he walked up to the two. His voice sounded dangerous, and Denki could hear the “or foe?” that came after his words. At 17, Class 3-A knew that Izuku was dangerously protective of his friends, and they all did their best not to provoke his fury in any way. Because a feral Izuku was terrifying. 

 The bully didn’t know this though, and he simply laughed before “greeting” Izuku, “Ah, guess we’ve got another faggot. Or did you not know that Lightning Dolt here was a twink?”

 Izuku’s aura darkened several degrees at the boy's statement but still he shot the boy a bright (but fake) smile, “I’ll give you three seconds to run before I fucking destroy you.”

 The boy’s face dropped and he blinked, “Uhhh...what?”

 Izuku continued to smile, “One.”

 The boy’s eyes widened in panic, “Wait, man!”

 “Two.”

 The boy started running, “We can talk about this!”

 “Three,” Izuku immediately gave chase—or he would have if Denki hadn’t given him a small shock and held him back. Izuku struggled for a second before sighing and turning to Denki, “Denki-kun, you are more than just a brainless idiot and more than just a...a...you know. You’re amazing and talented in your own right and I’m proud to call you my friend.”

 Denki blinked in surprise before blushing lightly, “Thanks, Izu. I really appreciate it.” He smiled genuinely at Izuku.

 (2.)

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Momo,” the dark-haired woman stared harshly down at her daughter, “You may feel like this now, but one day you’ll find a nice, upstanding gentleman that captures your heart. Not some...punk-rock freak-girl.”

 Momo stared down at her feet and sighed softly before replying, “Yes, mother.”

 However, as she turned to make her way into the dorms, and her mother turned to meet with the chauffeur, she heard a very familiar voice. “Excuse me, ma’am! Yaoyorozu-san! May I have a word with you?” Momo turned to see Izuku-kun coming down the dorm steps and speed walking down the lawn to meet with the two women. He had a slightly dangerous aura (someone outside of Class A wouldn’t even notice), but Momo stood rigid as her friend stood up to her mother, “Yaoyorozu-san. I think you should consider taking your daughter more seriously. 

 “You might not know me well personally, but Yaomomo-chan and I know each other very well and I would consider us good friends. She’s smart, resourceful, and talented, and I think we can both agree that she will make a fantastic hero. But Yaomomo-chan is also responsible and mature, definitely mature enough to make her own decisions about her relationship choices. 

 “My own mother is very protective of me too, but I think that part of being a parent means accepting and supporting children through their choices and the consequences of those choices (good or bad), even if they aren’t choices that you, yourself, would make. I hope that you can come to respect Yaomomo-chan’s decisions about her own future, and find comfort in the fact that I, and everyone else in Class A, will always offer her our full support. Thank you for your time.” Izuku bowed politely before turning to Momo. “Kacchan made dinner. You should come eat it before it gets cold,” he smiled before heading back inside.

 Momo’s mother looked surprised for a second before saying a quick goodbye and hurrying away. Momo smiled after her before whispering under her breath, “You are a marvelous friend, Izuku-kun.”

 (3.)

Hanta was in a rush to get to class. Usually he was pretty punctual, but today he missed his alarm so he wasn’t feeling the best. Anxious and rushed, he accidentally ran into the worst person reasonably possible.

 “Ahah, if it isn’t the plain-faced tape dispenser from Class A!” Monoma laughed, “Late to class, I see! Tsk, tsk, yet another reason Class B is superior! At the very least we’re punctual!”

 Hanta deadpanned at the slate-eyed boy, “You know you’re late too, right?”

 Monoma’s jaw dropped for a second before he regained his composure. He huffed and took another angle, “Well, at least I have a personality! You’re so boring that it’s a wonder anyone pays attention to you at all. You’re almost more invisible than the invisible girl in your class! Not to mention that you’ll probably never get a girlfriend, hah!”

 Hanta rolled his eyes, despite the pang in his heart, before maneuvering himself to speed-walk past Monoma. “I’m literally dating Shou. It’s been the hot gossip for the past few days, and you’re definitely shallow enough to keep up with the gossip mill.”

 Monoma guffawed, “How did a plain-faced peasant like you end up with someone as high class as Todoroki? It’s a wonder, isn’t it? But, of course, I’m sure you’ve been hearing that for the past few days, haven’t you?”

 Hanta knew that he shouldn’t take anything that Monoma says seriously, but he’d been hearing how “unworthy” he was of Shouto for the past few days (since their relationship became public knowledge). The scathing words got to him and it made him doubt himself a little. He sped off towards his classroom, ignoring Monoma’s jeers in the background.

 That day, during a joint training session, Izuku requested to be paired with Monoma...and maybe Izuku went a little harder than he usually did. Maybe Monoma ended up in the infirmary before class ended, but it was training so Izuku couldn’t really be blamed for accidentally injuring his classmate, could he?

 Hanta smiled as he now had an explanation for the flash of green he swore he saw out of the corner of his eye as he was rushing to class after the encounter.

 (+1.) 

Katsuki slapped Deku on the back after training. “What the fuck was that, nerd?! You fucking beat the hell outta the Copycat Freak! Why can’t you ever go that hard when we train?”

 Deku’s face flushed as he turned a blinding smile at Katsuki. Cute. Katsuki shook himself from his thoughts as Deku started talking to him. “I guess I just got really into the exercise, Kacchan!”

 Katsuki could tell that Izuku’s words weren’t the whole truth but he decided to gloss over it for now in favor of focusing on a topic that had been bugging him. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Mochi Head lately. Skimping on our training. Any specific reason, Deku?”

 Katsuki watched as Deku’s face flushed again, but this time it made a pit grow in his stomach. The pit grew as Deku stumbled over his words for a few minutes before answering, “We’ve just been helping each other study, Kacchan.” 

 “You’re fucking lying, stupid Deku,” Katsuki scoffed as his heart started cracking, tiny pieces falling into the void. “But it’s fucking fine. If you’d rather waste time with your girlfriend like a dumbass then I’ll take the number one spot all the more easily,” he said, but the words felt ashy in his mouth, empty and non-fulfilling.

 He started walking away when there was a sharp tug on his wrist. “Kacchan!” It was Deku. It was always Deku. Katsuki stopped trying to pull away, but he didn’t turn around yet. “I love you! No one else! Ochako-chan has just been helping me work through my feelings for you! She has feelings for someone else!” Katsuki turned sharply to see Deku staring intensely at him. “You are my symbol of victory. My hero. My Kacchan. It’s only ever been you, so please. Please allow me to stand by your side!”

 Katsuki sniffled before completely breaking down in tears from the emotional taxation of the last few minutes. Being the empathetic crier he is, Deku broke down with him and they held each other and sobbed. After a couple more minutes, Katsuki had pulled himself together enough to respond, “Y-yeah, dumb Deku. Keep your eyes on me.”

 Katsuki stood and extended a hand to Izuku to help him up. Izuku stared at him fondly for a split second before taking his offer. They walked back to the dorms side-by-side and hand-in-hand.

[imfiguringitoutlovely]

breakup comfort||bakusquad (part 2)

PART 1

pairing: platonic!bakusquad x gn!reader

type: angst, comfort

warnings: toxic relationship (not w the squad), breakup, emotional manipulation, guilt tripping

author's notes: thank you. thank you all so fucking much. im working on the other requests ive gotten, too, i hope to get them out soon!! i hope y'all are doin ok 😩 love yall so much!

Kaminari Denki

FIRST OF ALL Y'ALL HES NOT DUMB AND I'M NOT TAKING ANY REBUTTALS

he's not dumb, he just takes a little longer to catch onto things sometimes and that's okay (this is not a self-insert i mean what-)

when you first told him about your relationship, he was immediately supportive. okay, well, maybe he wasn't supportive of WHO you were in a relationship with, but he was supportive of your decisions. he wasn't going to say anything to make you feel bad or abandon you. no, he was going to encourage you to do what made you happy, and promise to be there no matter what.

and there he was. at your door with your favorite pizza, mountain dew (for himself, of course, he brought your favorite drink), and the nintendo switch he begged sero to lend to him. why? well, he may have noticed you seemed a bit down lately. and he may have asked bakugou why. and bakugou may have hit his head a little, ask how he was so stupid, and explain blunty that your partner had basically just cut you off out of nowhere. guess that explained why katsuki seemed to be holding back as many insults.

but nobody knew how to comfort you the way good ol' denki did. and now he was on an even greater mission to do so because apparently it'd been a whole week since it started happening.

when you answered the door, music stopping abruptly a few seconds before and your eyes puffy, he really put the dots together as to just how much it was taking its toll on you.

when he stepped in, seeing your school work untouched and your laptop open so you could refresh the tab to check for new dms, he got angry. you were more on top of things than anyone else he knew, and for someone to be completely digging into your mind and ruining that for you just... ugh, he almost went bakubro mode.

but he didn't. because he knows better. instead he put down the pizza as you closed the door.

"i figured you maybe aren't ready to talk about it all yet... so sero let me borrow his switch. i know you like beating me." he gave a nervous, crooked smile as he held out a controller to you.

he wasn't good at this, at feelings, and he knew you weren't really either. but you two, over time, learned that sometimes you had to try and get it out one way before you were ready to speak it. he wasn't surprised when you silently took the controller and sat on your bed as he set up the switch to display on your pc monitor. he picked Pikachu, mostly because he enjoyed how it would make you roll your eyes with a smile sometimes, but when he saw you not smiling, he figured he'd probably do shitty and let you win and then blame his shit gaming skills.

after four rounds with only the sound of the game, you found the energy to mumble.

"bakugou tell you?"

"uh... yeah."

"jerk. he took my phone as a joke, but when i started freaking out, he made me tell him. i... you were right, kaminari. i know you never said it out loud, but i could tell. you knew it wasn't going to work. that i wasn't good enough for them."

pikachu fell off the platform, but didnt even try jumping up to save himself. instant loss. "what?"

"i saw the way you looked when we were talking. i-i was so...clingy and annoying. and i think that drove them away. and you-you saw that, but you didn't want to be mean, right?"

"hey-" he ignored your character doing their victory move. "i know i'm not the brightest, but i'd have to be some weird kind of idiot to think you were the issue-"

"then what was the issue?! and why didn't you tell me when you-when you saw it-?!"

"you were happy, [Your Name]." when you went quiet, he looked and realized you were crying.

"i'm sorry. this-this isn't your fault, i just... we talked yesterday and they- they told me what i messed up on. but they won't let me fix it and-and i just..." you sighed, trying to wipe your tears away before he could see more.

"if i thought you weren't a good person, or you did something wrong, i wouldn't have brought you pizza."

you wondered for a moment if he was just joking to make you smile, but when you realized it was 100% serious, it drew a little laugh out of you. you leaned your head on his shoulder.

"yeah... yeah, i guess that's true."

you two spent the rest of the day in your dorm playing smash with kaminari showing some progress in the game.

this wouldn't be your last day this way. some days were going to be harder than others. some days, it would feel like there was no point in trying to move forward. on those days, denki showed up with some sort of mukbang-energy meal and a couple video games or movies. he never pushed you to talk. you would talk when you were ready, and he knew that.

he learned how to comfort you better when you did open up. he learned that it's best to let you deal with it at your own pace while also making sure you didn't just hole up and neglect yourself all day. he learned how to really be there, and he did his best to be as emotionally present as possible through it.

overall, 10/10. very nice, very chill and never brings it up unless you do first. and he never treats you diffetently, really. more physically there than usual, yeah, but he does NOT pity you or look down on you for it.

yup. he's good. i can tell. :)

Sero Hanta

AGAIN IM A SIMP SO IM SORRY IF IT SEEMS SUPER BIASED BC IT IS-

best boy. no, shut up, there is no argument, he is the best boy.

he finds out after borrowing your phone to grub hub. (look, it's not that he can't or won't cook, he just... well actually that's what it is, sorry, he's still learning-)

he was on the app, placing your order, when w bunch of notifications of messages came through. you were in the bathroom and well... sero couldn't just put the phone down. he wasn't trying to be a snoop, he was just caught off guard. the messages, they were aggressive. rude. manipulative, and he wondered who could possible say those kind of things to his bestie, the person who was practically family at this point. he looked at the contact name. it wasn't their name directly, but the little heart by the name paired with what was being said made the picture clear.

after the spam seemed to stop is when he put the phone down. he hadn't finished the order because he forgot he was even placing one.

when you walked back in, drying your hair with your towel and immediately talking about how you'd beat him up if he messed up your order again, he sat up tall on your bed. the worry was clear on his face and you stopped talking.

"uh... sero?" you paused again, and then let out an uneasy laugh. "you-you messed it up, huh-?"

"[Your name]. I wasn't looking for it, you just got a ton of new notifications. But before you read them, I want you to know they had no right to send those."

he barely finished when you grabbed your phone, face fallen as you scrolled through the messages.

"no... no, no. this is- this had to be a mistake. they-they just left. right? and now they're - uh... they're just talking out of... out of..." he watched as you sat on the bed, staring at your screen. he heard your voice crack. "they didn't mean to send that."

"[Your nickname]..." sero sighed quietly and scoot to sit next to you. he gently took the phone from your hand and set it aside. touch. y'all's love language was touch and he knew it. he wrapped an arm around you and you fell apart, leaning into him as the tears started to fall.

"i knew i shouldn't have- shouldn't have kept trying to reach out, i- i-"

he let you vent it out. there was no use in cutting you off, no use in letting you keep all those thoughts and fears in. so he let you get it out of your system. by the end, he was leaning against the wall your bed was pressed against and you had your head in his lap. you were staring at the ceiling.

"you did nothing wrong, okay?" he started running his hands through your hair. "you know that. i know that. they know that. that's why they said all that nasty stuff." he didn't look at you. he knew you needed some time to brrathe without being watched.

"can you spend the night? we can olay on my console."

yeah. that was okay, too. he did spend the night, insisting on taking the floor at first until you insisted on splitting the bed which turned into cuddling. you appreciated that he wasn't too reserved about that, that he didn't make it into a huge deal or make you feel weird about it. you two didn't talk much, not until around midnight when you started spewing thoughts out like word vomit. he joined in a couple minutes into it, and that's how you two were for the next couple days.

you'd space out sometimes to avoid getting caught up in all the hurt, and he knew that. he went along with it, responding to you in a way that made sense without making you feel guilty for going on your rants.

nobody else really understood, but as long as sero did, it was okay. he also helped you through the process of actually ending contact with them. it was at whatever pace you felt comfortable with, and so long as you promised to let him know if you ever changed your mind or were having second thoughts about anything.

sleepovers. yes. you would sneak. you thought you two were so smart too 😩 aizawa knew, he just let it be because they made you look better emotionally.

1000000/10, would also learn to cook w you and y'all would make a fuCKING MESS BUT IT WAS FUN-

[still-a-morosexual-help]

OBEY ME! LESSON 53 DETAILED SUMMARY + THEORIES

Some time seems to have passed between the end of the last lesson and the beginning of this one. Levi’s tired after pulling an all-nighter with Diavolo to finish a game and Mammon’s laughing at all the pictures Luke is sending him of all the desserts his making and the step by step process he’s following. Beel happily notes that Mammon & Luke have been chatting a lot lately. Mammon red in the face but smiling happily says it’s like he’s got a new minion who’s also fun to mess with, Asmo says it looks more like Mammon’s got a tiny little brother with the way Mammon’s being fawning over him (my heart this is so cute I need to write more fics with them interacting), Mammon denies it but Asmo says it holds no ground when Mammon can’t seem to stop smiling so happily. Lucifer has found an art book that Satan’s being looking everywhere desperately for and invites Satan to come take a look at it together, Satan postures a bit but agrees. Belphie says there’s a lot of strange friendships popping up lately, though Beel’s happy that Satan & Lucifer have been getting along better, Asmo thinks the way Satan’s being acting around Lucifer recently is strange and Belphie says it’s a sign of Armageddon. Asmo asks MC if they knew any reason behind the sudden change and they just say the two discovered new sides of each other which makes the other 3 more confused, with Asmo particularly lusting for the gossip. Belphie wonders if this means the anti-lucifer league would disband and Satan who hears this says that’s dumb cause he can take the chance to pull a prank of Lucifer when he goes to his room to check out the book. MC says they thought him and Lucifer were finally friends but satan says even the thought makes him sick, Asmo asks if he’s sure since the two seem like the best of friends recently. Satan quotes Sun Tzu saying “If you know your enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles”. A door bell rings and Lucifer tells MC to go get it. It’s Solomon & Barbatos and MC asks them what they’re doing here together. Solomon reveal’s it’s time for their sorcerer’s preliminary exams. (Did MC get all 7 stars already? Or 6 I guess if this exam gives the last star)

Ok so MC has 4 stars the preliminary is for the 5th star and final is for the 7th. Asmo has apparently filled the others on what’s gonna happen. Mammon asks for compensation, Beel wishes MC good luck, Lucifer tells them they should actually fill MC in, Asmo says Solomon had contacted him asking the brothers to help with the exam, MC says “cool what do I gotta do”, Solomon says they have to win a game of Tail Thieves and gets Barbatos to explain, Barbatos complains how Solomon always makes him explain things to people and I completely forgot that Solomon has a pact with Barbatos meaning they must be pretty close, meaning Asmo & Barbatos must be pretty close too and I need to see the dynamic between these 3 more. Solomon is going to use magic to give everyone animal tails and MC has to be the last one standing, if they lose their tail they fail the exam. (AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’d love to see the animal event costumes being used in the main storyline and MC getting a tail? It’s have to be a sheep right?) To motivate the brothers to steal MC’s tail, stealing someone’s tail means they’re cursed to obey one command from you and sure that’s not gonna end in disaster. MC’S A SHEEP!!!!!! I’ve had this idea of what their costume would look like for a while ahhhh Also Barbatos is a bat? Do bat’s have tails? I feel like I should know this… (it apparently depends on the species of bat, given his colour lets just say Barbatos is a devildom bat). MC goes hey so this is 1 vs 8???? And Solomon says he’s giving them Asmo & Barbatos. Mammon brings up the fact that MC can just command them and Solomon says that’ll be against the rules. Barbatos asks if MC can use his or Asmo’s powers and Solomon says it’s fine as long as it’s a direct order from MC meaning they can’t use their powers themselves. MC brings up the fact that since they don’t have a pact with Barbatos they can’t use his powers and to make up for it Solomon gives MC Barbatos’ grimoire which will give the bearer full control over the demon who it belongs to even without a pact. MC has a flashback to the tomb under the HoL and the brothers’ grimoire, remembering that a command powered through a grimoire can overpower a command from a pact & that everything about a demon rides on their grimoire meaning they can never let it be stolen. Levi is absolutely stunned that Solomon has something so personal and precious and Barbatos reveals that he entrusted it to Solomon on his own free will and holy shit Barbatos & Solomon must be way closer than I realised… which even Levi says. Lucifer says if they steal MC’s tail and command them to hand over the grimoire they would be able to read it and Barbatos laughs and says that they’d find out everything about him and suddenly the whole game has become about reading Barbatos’ grimoire (even Asmo seems interested), which Solomon seems pleased about since it’s given all the brothers a more solid goal. Solomon starts the game.

The brothers all scatter to hide leaving MC, Asmo and Barbatos in the living room. Barbatos says the brother’s have probably left to find a place they can use to their advantage and that if they are able to figure out what that place would be for each brother they could make strategies to counteract them. Asmo swoons about how Barbatos is the whole package by being handsome and intelligent. Asmo says this makes him more interested in finding out more about Barbatos and he asks MC if he can take a teensy peek at the grimoire and they immediately shut him down. Barbatos thanks them for being a decent person (honestly the lowest bar to clear) and says because Solomon thought it was the best decision to give MC the grimoire he won’t object but also “we don’t really know each other at all so pls don’t use that it literally contains a record of my entire past” MC readily agrees because “the only conversations we’ve ever had is about tea we’re definitely not ready for any deep therapy sessions”. He’s grateful but emphasizes on it again and MC promises they won’t use it. Asmo complains about this, saying it’ll be impossible to beat the others while only using Asmo’s powers. Mammon hears that MC won’t be using the grimoire and reveals himself, Asmo says he was stupid for not finding a place where he’d have the advantage and MC says maybe this is that place for him, Asmo says that maybe cause this is where Lucifer always ties him up he thinks of this as his home turf. Mammon gets ready to fight Asmo & MC, Barbatos says “lol lemme take care of this and prove to you that I’m dangerous even without my powers”.

Barbatos manages to defeat Mammon and hang him from the ceiling using only hand to hand combat. Asmo tells Mammon if he can’t beat someone using only hand-to-hand combat MC might end up firing him, Mammon gets freaked out MC nods along and asks if they’re serious and they tell him not to worry cause they aren’t, he’s happy and calls MC the best, Asmo just sadly calls MC a simp. Asmo says that Barbatos has tied the ropes looser and that Lucifer ties them in a tight artful style. Whether MC pulls the tale off in one swift movement or gently it’ll tickle. He returns to normal and immediately starts yelling at MC to hurry up an give him an order and Asmo realises how scary Solomon’s curse really is. Asmo says even when Mammon is not cursed MC can get him to do pretty much anything by asking the right way cause Mammon’s whipped, so really they won’t be getting anything new or special. Barbatos provides a solution for this by telling them they can get him to admit something he usually wouldn’t. MC asks him; 1.) who his favourite brother is –  he says, “That’s easy! It’s Lucifer, of course. I’ve always loved him and I always will.” I like to think MC knew exactly what he was going to say and took out their phone to record it to later show Lucifer. 2.) If there’s a brother he’s keeping a secret from – He took clothes and shoes from Asmo’s cupboard and sold them. Asmo swears to kill Mammon once all this is over. 3.) If there’s anything he loves more than money – MC. He says there’s nothing and no one more important to him. He says he loves them and that he’d take them over money any day. Asmo who’s honestly MC and Mammon’s #1 shipper (remember the beach event, and the parfait devilgram and the chat where he got excited when MC smelt like Mammon) laughs and says “I knew it!”. For all 3 Mammon realises what he’s said and tries to take it back. They are later unable to find Lucifer – who would be the hardest to beat according to Barbatos - in the music room, Barbatos recalls Simeon telling him how Satan and Lucifer have started getting along and Asmo says he’s suddenly got a bad feeling.

they don’t find anyone in either Satan or Lucifer’s rooms, Asmo suggests MC using the grimoire to locate Lucifer, MC shuts it down and Barbatos thanks them and tells Asmo to drop it. Asmo asks MC why they have to be so serious despite him loving that part of them. Asmo asks MC if they know what Barbatos can do, how powerful he really is, they say he can see through time and Barbatos agrees with it but Asmo asks him to give MC a more detailed description of his powers since he anyway made them promise not to use his grimoire. He then says he has the power to create a portal to anywhere, including through time but creating portals through time has much more limitations than creating a normal portal to just a different place and that his control also becomes less stable. Asmo asks if that’s why Barbatos doesn’t let him go to the past or future no matter how much he begs. Barbatos says, “no that’s cause ik if I did you’d either fuck some powerful historical figure and mess up the entire timeline or you’d try to fuck yourself and the entire universe would implode”. Asmo calls him mean and Barbatos laughs but does say that since his control through time is not the best a person may end up skipping either backwards or forwards through time each time they pass through a doorway after they travel through his portal to the new time. He says that’s all he’s willing to tell MC. Asmo asks MC where they would go if they could go anywhere. If they say past Barbatos asks if there’s something they want to change or if there’s someone who’s past they want to spy on. If they say future Asmo says he’d love to go to the future to see how much more beautiful he’s become and to see how his and MC’s relationship has progressed. MC asks Barbatos where he’d like to go and he says nowhere, cause his place is by Diavolo’s side. MC asks him why he serves Diavolo and what he did before it – he says he’s not gonna answer cause he isn’t sure if it’s a good idea to trust MC the same way he trusts Solomon. Asmo giggles about how cold Barbatos is but says that’s one of the things he loves about him. Barbatos asks Asmo if he might know where Satan is and he says he has an idea.

They go to the home theatre where one of Satan’s favourite movies – about a deadly monster shark – is playing until suddenly everything goes dark. Someone wraps their arms around Asmo and he squeals telling MC they’re so naughty for wanting to do something here in the dark when Barbatos was with them, Satan tells him that he’s restraining Asmo not embracing him. The lights are off cause despite being brothers Asmo could charm them by looking into their eyes. Asmo complains but also loves the “roleplay” they’re doing and how Satan snuck up behind him and restrained him and now he needs a moment to get his boner down, Satan’s understandably very upset by this. Lucifer ends up sneaking behind MC and restraining them (despite it being dark Barbatos is able to see him coming and tries to warm MC), he’s impressed that they were able to recognise him but says they shouldn’t have left their back open. Barbatos asks why they left him free and Lucifer says he knows MC won’t use the grimoire, even if it’s their last option, cause it would upset Barbatos. Lucifer goes to remove MC’s tail but MC signals Barbatos with their eyes and he sees the remote next to him and grabs it & throws it to MC (so I guess this establishes that Barbatos can see in the dark). MC catches it and presses a quick combination of buttons that plays a movie about three cats going on a journey together. Satan obviously starts gushing about the cats and lets Asmo go, Lucifer calls him an idiot and MC commands Asmo. Satan initially doesn’t even notice Asmo cause of the cats which pisses him off but in the end the roleplay made him excited which made his charm more appealing. Lucifer had used every ounce of his willpower and just managed to escape but they take Satan’s tail.

In the twins’ room Asmo laughs about the face Satan made at whatever his order was and Barbatos says Satan making such a face could signify the end times and Asmo says it’s no joke if Barbatos is saying that. Belphie’s fast asleep in his bed and MC leaves him for later cause it wouldn’t be fair to take the tail now. Asmo wonders why Solomon made this MC’s exam when their final exam won’t give a shit if they’re good at tail thieves or not. MC says maybe he thought it’d be funny to see Barbatos disagrees with thar but Asmo says it’s natural to jump to their own conclusions when Solomon never answers questions and that Solomon hasn’t changed in that way since they first made their pact. MC asks for the story behind it Asmo says Solomon knew exactly what to say to get what he wanted from Asmo but could also dodge questions without making it obvious he was doing so. On the first night he’d met Solomon Asmo had been really depressed cause he’d spotted a cute human but the other people who were hanging around her had stated calling him “evil and wicked and other horrible things” and he couldn’t get close to her (so last yr someone told me the actual biblical story behind this and it’s FUCKED UP and I like to imagine that’s what actually happened in OM! too but Asmo is heavily censoring it for MC. Remember the pretty graphic description Asmo gave to MC about how he’d kill them in S1? Yeah I 100% believe he’s lying to MC about how things went down here). He’d been sitting in a tavern sulking when Solomon had started talking to him. He had listened to Asmo and had been so warm and caring Asmo had accidentally let it slip that he was Lucifer’s brother, they’d drunk the night away and when Asmo woke up the next day he had somehow made a pact with Solomon and HOLY SHIT this is so shady Solomon wtf. Barbatos says it probably wasn’t a coincidence he ran into Solomon and Solomon would have known who he was from the beginning (imagine how pissed off Lucifer must have been when Asmo came back with a pact). Asmo says Solomon and Barbatos meeting wasn’t a coincidence either and Barbatos agrees but says it happened long before Solomon and Asmo made a pact. Solomon had summoned Barbatos using a special incantation that he’d created himself and Asmo’s shocked that doing all that and summoning a demon as powerful as Barbatos hadn’t killed him. Barbatos said that Solomon had actually been on the verge of death when Barbatos arrived. MC asked why he’d risk it to summon Barbatos, Barbatos said that even back then there was something Solomon wanted even more than his own life and that the encounter made Barbatos curious and he wanted to learn more about Solomon and eventually this would lead to him forming a pact with Solomon (given how Barbatos is I’d imagine it took time for Solomon to form a pact with him because Barbatos would need to be able to trust him first). He says that though it’s hard to say what Solomon’s plans are he thinks highly of him enough to trust him with his grimoire. He says whether his decision is good or bad is up to them to judge but that their teacher is a genius unlike anyone else in the 3 worlds. Saying their break’s being long enough they head to the kitchen.

They find Beel eating and Asmo scolds him for using the ice cream maker without permission after Lucifer banned him cause last time he ate so much he got sick. Asmo uses this to blackmail Beel into giving up his tail. Removing it tickles a lot and as he’s handing it over Beel blushes and apologises for “the weird little shriek” he made at the end. Barbatos wonders why the fuck the seven of them are considered to be among the mot powerful demons in the Devildom when this is what they’re actually alike and Asmo says Barbatos should be disappointed in Beel and not the both of them. Asmo says that this whole exam seems pointless when this is what it’s like but when Beel starts begging for orders he tells MC to give one. They ask him what they would like for their final meal ever (the other two options are ‘let’s get romantic’ and for him to feed something to Barbatos) He says one of Simeon’s BLTs but then starts listing food from both the human world and Devildom before ending with apple pie….and isn’t apple pie the answer Beel’s VA gave for this same question? That’s really sweet that they added it.  Asmo says by the time he finished all that he’d have passed his death. Beel’s still begging for orders and they realise the curse is to follow the orders of the person who pulled the tail off and not MC. Asmo gets waaay to excited for this and Beel freaks out and uses puppy dog eyes to start pleading with MC for help, MC tells Asmo to cool it but Asmo says he’ll never get a chance like this again and Beel despairs. And that’s it. Beel’s doomed to his fate and we have no idea what happens.

[longitudinalwaveme]

Arkham Sessions: Captain Cold

These vignettes, and, more specifically, the characterization of Dr. Hugo Strange, are based on the wonderful Arkham Files YouTube videos produced by Mr. Rogues.

Here's his channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyxNOHiNclZlVpeRhYV2QRQ

Since I am a huge Flash nerd, I decided to use this idea as a jumping-off point to explore how the Rogues would respond to therapy sessions. Again, all credit to the basic format goes to Mr. Rogues.

Not everything Dr. Strange says should be taken as truth; his bias against costumed vigilantes affects most of his interviews with the patients.

Hugo Strange: From the patient files of Dr. Hugo Strange, director of Arkham Asylum. Patient: Leonard Snart, also known as Captain Cold. The patient displays a number of antisocial tendencies, but no formal diagnosis has ever been given to him, and since he arrived at Arkham only a few days ago, I have not had the time to give him a complete psychological examination. Session One. Good day, Mr. Snart.  

Capt. Cold: Len. 

Hugo Strange: Pardon? 

Capt. Cold: Just call me Len, Doc. I ain’t the type to stand on formalities. 

Hugo Strange: Very well, then. (Pause) So, Leonard-

Capt. Cold: Not Leonard, Len. 

Hugo Strange: I take it you’re not especially fond of your given name? 

Capt. Cold: Believe me, Doc, if your name was ‘Leonard Snart’, you wouldn’t be fond of it, either. 

Hugo Strange: Fair enough. So, Len, what exactly influenced you to put on a parka and go running around robbing banks and jewelry stores with a freeze ray?

Capt. Cold: It ain’t a freeze ray, it’s a cold gun. 

Hugo Strange: Besides semantics, what is the difference? 

Capt. Cold: Mr. Freeze-you got him locked up somewhere in this loony bin, right?- has a freeze ray. It shoots ice. Me? I’ve got a cold gun. My gun negates thermal motion. Stops protons and electrons dead in their tracks. People too. Even the Flash slows to a crawl when I hit him with it. 

Hugo Strange: (Surprised; a bit skeptical) Do you mean to say that you have invented a weapon that can create temperatures of absolute zero? 

Capt. Cold: Yep. And I did it years before that lovesick freak got turned into a popsicle man. 

Hugo Strange: Your records indicate that you dropped out of high school at the age of fourteen, Len. How could you possibly have the requisite knowledge to create such a weapon? Are you even familiar with James Prescott Joule or J.J. Thomson? 

Capt. Cold: Who? 

Hugo Strange: J. J. Thomson is the man who discovered the electron. James Prescott Joule is the scientist who discovered the First Law of Thermodynamics. If what you’re saying is true, you managed to exceed the wildest dreams of either of these illustrious men, without even knowing of them or their theories. 

Capt. Cold: Huh. Guess I did. Well, how about that?

Hugo Strange: How could you possibly have managed this, Len? 

Capt. Cold: Just ‘cause I’m trailer trash don’t mean I’m stupid, Doc. 

Hugo Strange: Clearly not. So, how did you do it? 

Capt. Cold: Sorry, Doc. Trade secret. 

Hugo Strange: Len, we gave you a number of psychological and intelligence tests upon your admittance to Arkham Asylum, and-

Capt. Cold: (Cutting him off) About that-what’m I doin’ in this loony bin, anyhow? I ain’t crazy, and even if I were, I’m from Central City. That’s a thousand miles away from Gotham. 

Hugo Strange: A few weeks ago, Iron Heights Penitentiary’s southwestern wall was destroyed in a mysterious accident. As a result, it is currently incapable of holding supercriminals, metahuman or otherwise, and you and your cohorts had to be housed somewhere. Through a series of political and judicial decisions that I confess make as little sense to me as they probably do to you, all of you so-called “Rogues” were transferred to Arkham Asylum until such time as Iron Heights is properly rebuilt. 

Capt. Cold: I get havin’ to send us someplace else if Iron Heights is destroyed, but...I ain’t insane. Why not send me to Blackgate instead of the loony bin? 

Hugo Strange: Many people are of the opinion that anyone who puts on a silly costume in order to commit crimes is insane by definition, Len. 

Capt. Cold: That include you, Doc?

Hugo Strange: Whether or not you are insane in the legal sense of the term is not for me to decide, Len. That being said, I do believe that your decision to commit crimes in such a...theatrical...manner indicates some level of emotional disturbance. 

Capt. Cold: Hey, Doc, you’re the expert on this stuff, not me. 

Hugo Strange: In that case, why don’t we return to the subject of your astonishing invention? 

Capt. Cold: I’m stuck in the loony bin anyway. Might as well. 

Hugo Strange: Can you please refrain from describing this facility as a “loony bin”, Len? The term is pejorative, both for the staff who work here and the other patients who live here.

Capt. Cold: Pejorative? What’s that mean, Doc? 

Hugo Strange: It means that it is rude. Describing the mentally ill as “lunatics” is unkind and unscientific. 

Capt. Cold: Whatever you say, Doc. Whatever you say. 

Hugo Strange: (Coughs) As I was saying, when you arrived at the asylum, we gave you a number of psychological and intelligence tests. While your scores in the area of mathematics were unusually high, especially for someone who never finished high school, your literacy scores were abysmal. You are thirty-eight years old, but you read at the level of the average six-year-old. 

Capt. Cold: Well, we can’t all have your fancy education, Doc. What’s my reading ability got to do with my cold gun? 

Hugo Strange: I find it difficult to believe that a high school dropout-a high school dropout, moreover, who can barely read-would be able to invent a gun that can produce absolute zero on his own. 

Capt. Cold: Are you callin’ me a liar? 

Hugo Strange: Not necessarily, Len. What I am saying is that I do not believe that the Cold Gun was created in the way that you may believe that it was. 

Capt. Cold: Oh, so you ain’t callin’ me a liar-you’re callin’ me crazy. 

Hugo Strange: I did not say that either, Len. 

Capt. Cold: You didn’t have to, Doc. I may be a redneck high-school dropout, but I ain’t survived as long as I have by not knowin’ when people are bad-mouthin’ me. 

Hugo Strange: Len, I am not bad-mouthing you. I am trying to help you.

Capt. Cold: Sure you are.  

Hugo Strange: (Frustrated) Not everyone is looking to take advantage of you, Mr. Snart! 

Capt. Cold: Funny. Hasn’t been my experience, Doc. (Pause) Look. I ain’t mad, Doc. If I had a buck for every time somebody called me trailer trash or a dumb thug or a stupid hick, I wouldn’t need to rob no more banks. You ain’t said nothin’ I haven’t heard a million times before. But I want you to know this: I invented my cold gun, and I did it by myself. I. Ain’t. Stupid. 

Hugo Strange: (Looking to change the subject) Len, I never said that you were unintelligent. In fact, your criminal history makes it quite clear that you are an effective, pragmatic operative. An unintelligent man could never have organized the only successful costumed criminal combine in the nation. Every other group of costumed criminals has folded within a few months at most, usually due to interpersonal tensions, but you have somehow managed to keep your little group together for over a decade. What is it you call yourselves, again?

Capt. Cold: The Rogues. 

Hugo Strange: That’s right. The Rogues. Now tell me, Len, what exactly is the secret to your group’s...ah...success? 

Capt. Cold: (Amused) You plannin’ to start a costumed gang, Doc? 

Hugo Strange: Certainly not. I am simply curious. It isn’t often that I get the opportunity to interview criminals from outside of Gotham’s borders. 

Capt. Cold: It ain’t that complicated, Doc. The reason we’ve held together for so long is ‘cause we got an unspoken code. We watch one another’s backs to the end. Nobody gets left behind; everybody gets an equal share. 

Hugo Strange: (Surprised) Are you implying that you are...friends...with your Rogues? 

Capt. Cold: You think I’d trust people I hate to watch my back?

Hugo Strange: Admittedly, that wouldn’t make much sense...it’s just that I was under the impression that you were the leader of the group.

Capt. Cold: I am. 

Hugo Strange: Most gang bosses I know keep the majority of the profits from their crimes for themselves.Why don’t you? 

Capt. Cold: ‘Cause we’re a team. We do equal work; we get equal rewards. 

Hugo Strange: A surprisingly admirable sentiment for a common thief. 

Capt. Cold: (Proudly) There ain’t nothin’ common about me, Doc. 

Hugo Strange: (Sigh) That’s certainly true, Len. (Pause) On the subject of things that are not common, why the parka and the silly goggles? 

Capt. Cold: Practicality. Parka keeps me warm; goggles help focus my vision and keep me from bein’ blinded by the flare of my own cold gun. 

Hugo Strange: I see. (Pause) And why call yourself “Captain Cold”? After all, you aren’t really a Captain of anything. 

Capt. Cold: I’ll admit, it ain’t the most creative name in the world...but anything’s better than “Leonard Snart”. 

Hugo Strange: Why not just change your name, then? Why take up a ridiculous costumed alias?

Capt. Cold: Because I’m not just an ordinary thug. Leonard Snart is ordinary; boring…..but Captain Cold? Captain Cold is cool.

Hugo Strange: Was that a...pun?

Capt. Cold: What can I say? I admit they’re dumb, but old habits die hard. 

Hugo Strange: And the Flash had nothing to do with your decision to put on a costume and call yourself by a silly, alliterative name while committing crimes? 

Capt. Cold: The Flash? Why would he have anything to do with it? 

Hugo Strange: I was under the impression that the Flash was your arch-enemy. 

Capt. Cold: (Laughs) Arch-enemy? What is this, a Saturday morning TV show? 

Hugo Strange: The Central City papers make quite a big deal of your rivalry with the so-called “Scarlet Speedster”. 

Capt. Cold: Look, the Flash is basically a cop. Sure, he’s a cop with superpowers, and he’s good for sharpening our wits, but at the end of the day, he’s just an obstacle to our getting the score. 

Hugo Strange: Then you don’t view your battles with him as some epic confrontation between ideologies? 

Capt. Cold: Why would I do that? Ideologies don’t pay the grocery bills, Doc. 

Hugo Strange: And you haven’t dedicated your life to proving your superiority over him once and for all? 

Capt. Cold: No. I fight the Flash for the same reasons I fight the cops: I want to get rich, and he’s standing in my way. Nothin’ more, nothin’ less.

Hugo Strange: So the Flash is nothing special to you?

Capt. Cold: I didn’t say that. Like I said, he’s good for sharpening the wits. I wouldn’t be half as successful as I am if he weren’t around to keep me and the guys on our toes, and yeah, it’d be neat to finally get the victory over him once and for all...but really, he ain’t so different from us. He’s just another guy workin’ a nine-to-five, tryin’ to provide for his family. I don’t like him-he’s a stuck-up, self-righteous prig sometimes-but he’s a good person. He’s not a superhero ‘cause he wants hero-worship. He actually wants to help people. He’s even helped me, and I make a career out of trying to freeze-dry him. You gotta respect a guy like that. 

Hugo Strange: You actually see the Flash as a man?

Capt. Cold: What else would I see him as? A Martian? ‘Cause I’ve seen Martians, and I can tell you, the Flash ain’t green enough to be one.

Hugo Strange: It’s not that. It’s just that I’ve spent so much time with the patients who view Bruce Wayne, formerly the Batman, as some sort of supernatural entity or as a grand opposite in a never-ending conflict between order and chaos that it’s rather...odd to listen to a costumed criminal who claims to view their local costumed vigilante simply as a person. 

Capt. Cold: Man, you have got to get out more. 

Hugo Strange: (Coldly)  I don’t recall requesting life advice from you, Mr. Snart. 

Capt. Cold: Well, you should take it anyway. Ain’t often I give stuff away for free. 

Hugo Strange: (Annoyed) This session is not about me, Mr. Snart. It’s about you. 

Capt. Cold: What else do you wanna talk about? I’m not stupid, I’m not creepily obsessed with the Flash, I don’t butcher people for fun, and I don’t have any weird hang-ups about dead relatives or riddles or plants or dolls or jokes or the number two. I’m not a good guy, but I think I’m a pretty normal guy, all things considered. 

Hugo Strange: Mr. Snart, no one puts on a costume without some sort of psychological disturbance. Even if the Flash was not in some way responsible for your decision-something which I am not yet fully convinced of-no rational human being would do such a thing. I just need to find out what your disturbance is. (Pause) Perhaps it began in your childhood, Mr. Snart? 

Capt. Cold: (Icily) My childhood is none of your business. 

Hugo Strange: I am your psychologist, Mr. Snart. That makes it my business. (Pause) Let’s see. Your file says that you were born to Lawrence Snart, a forty-year-old police officer who was kicked off the force for public drunkenness and suspected corruption, and Shirley Snart, a fifteen-year-old high school dropout. You and your family lived in a dilapidated trailer park, and your father was a known alcoholic who drank away your family’s welfare money. Five years after you came along, your younger sister, Lisa, was born...and your mother ran away, never to be seen again. The neighbors called the police because of domestic disputes between her and your father no less than thirteen times in five years, which leads me to suspect that she was spurred to leave the family because of her husband’s abuse. You were left to raise your sister, essentially on your own, at five years old, and you were effectively the head of the household from that point on. You never had a childhood, Mr. Snart. 

Capt. Cold: Don’t you talk about my sister!

Hugo Strange: I take it that you’re close to her? Understandable, I suppose, given that you grew up with her in an abusive household. Your grandfather, who drove an ice cream truck, did his best to protect you and your sister from your father’s cruelty, but he was old and in poor health, and he died when you were only twelve years old. You never got over the loss, and your father’s abuse only got worse as you and your sister got older. When you turned 14, you dropped out of high school; you then worked a number of odd jobs to support yourself and your sister. However, shortly after you turned 18, you and your father got into a dreadful argument, one that ended with you running away from home and leaving your little sister alone with your father. After that, you eventually fell into a life of petty crime. 

Capt. Cold: I...I had no choice. If I hadn’t left, he would’ve killed me! 

Hugo Strange: I am not blaming you for choosing to run away, Mr. Snart. You were an abused child with very few options available to you. 

Capt. Cold: (Quietly) I could’ve taken her with me. 

Hugo Strange: And why didn’t you? 

Capt. Cold: ‘Cause I was an 18-year-old dropout. Nobody was gonna give me custody of my sister...and besides, I’d started hangin’ out with dangerous people. I...I didn’t want her to get hurt. 

Hugo Strange: In other words, she would have been in danger no matter what you had done. 

Capt. Cold: It don’t matter! I’m her big brother! I was supposed to protect her! 

Hugo Strange: (Coming to a realization) And because you weren’t able to protect her from your father as a boy, you’re trying to make up for it now by becoming this “Captain Cold”; a larger-than-life persona that can do all the things you weren’t able to do as a child. You’ve made yourself too powerful and dangerous for anyone to threaten, and you’ve made a surrogate family for yourself and your sister. That’s why the Rogues are so successful...it’s because they aren’t really a gang at all. They’re your family. Isn’t that right, Mr. Snart? 

Capt. Cold: (Sarcastically) An’ I suppose the fact that my grandpa drove an ice cream truck somehow subconsciously influenced my decision to become Captain Cold? 

Hugo Strange: (Aware of the sarcasm, but ignoring it)  That’s perhaps a bit of a stretch, but it isn’t impossible. 

Capt. Cold: I don’t believe this….

Hugo Strange: Don’t be afraid, Mr. Snart. Admitting you have a problem is difficult, but it’s also the first step on the road to recovery.