#i started FINALLY watching the show yesterday as i have a flu and im off work sick

[amber-isnt-a-precious-stone]

I'm watching Emma (2009) and I've previously seen the 2020 movie, and I always can't help but aro-code Emma! As someone who is grey-aromantic, I see myself in her. She questions what love feels like, often questions whether she's in love (captures that platonic, infatuation, sexual or romantic attraction confusion) and in general, is perfectly content with remaining unmarried and never being in a relationship. I relate to horror, confusion and somewhat romantic repulsion when someone confesses they romantically like her. Also, it goes without saying that grey-aromantics can experience romantic attraction, and she falls in love with only Mr Knightley, which is a nice example of an aromatic person being in a relationship while retaining their lgbtq identity

[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 3 - “Am I Old?” - Sarah

So far Shosha and Yujo haven’t lost any challenges, if we keep winning until the swap  i fear that the other tribes will target our people because we’re all still intact. Maybe it would be a good thing to maybe lose one? I dunno

ちくしょう 😉

FUCK the hosts for this how many hours can you put in challenge this early in the game, i'm literally fucking pissed, FUMIN love! i knew we were gonna lose from early on but i still put in the time and hours to distract myself from this bitch ass boy who curved me yesterday night, whatever. i'm just so exhausted like of the constant losing, the tribal council, ugh. i haven't been on a losing tribe like this in SO long. and i'm so.. over it. i can't stand losing and i can't stand that emma is immune right now because deciding who to vote off is going to be impossible and people are going to be coming for me so i'm like, probably most definitely gone or whatever. and that means i'm going to have to do the arena challenge and NOT have a day off which... ugh....... dont get me wrong i know that ORGs are time commitments but usually i win the premerge challenges so THIS IS NEW OKAy kdhfnsdkfndkfndf. i'm just annoyed and i'm so over my tribe... and i didn't find any advantages at the olympic village i finally remembered to search in. anyway i dont even wanna THINK about tribal rn so this is just me saying fuck this challenge and ughhh i'm so TIRED just so fatigued of everything, i'll like come back tmrw and strategize or something. *throws a rock at the cameraman* fuck this shit i'm out, give me the osake RIGHT! GOD DAMN! NOW! (alcohol for all you non duolingo-ers)

i'm kinda happy that bailey was evacuated from the game, she would have been voted out regardless and this gives our tribe better odds at survival. even if we had gone to tribal i would've been comfortable, but now i feel like it's better than i try to prove my value as a player by competing in the arena! kinda excited.

tribal three times in a row check! 😍✨💋 LMAO no one is wanting to actually talk to me about it so i’m hoping that i can still sway the votes in my favor but we’ll see! i think landen would defiantly do his best to help keep me from going, but it’s all a matter of who would we send instead. so! we’ll see! at least i can say i did my best 

So, for starters, the past round went pretty much as expected.  Kathy was the vote off from my tribe, and she lost at the arena, as well, past round I found nothing yet again at the village.   Now, right now in terms of this round, my tribe didn't win immunity, but Bailey ended up getting medically evacuated due to getting three inactivity strikes, so the tribal got cancelled for my tribe, and Beck ended up volunteering to do the arena.  So basically, just awaiting to search Olympic Village again, and hoping to goodness there is a tribe swap next round, since right now my tribe is just my alliance with Ben and Beck, which will make things rough come another loss with no swap.

yep worst case scenario happened. My tribe lost with me sitting out and Will, my one main ally, not showing up to the challenge at all!! I was hoping it could be an easy vote so i didn’t have to vote and I could get the advantage but now it seems like my tribe is ready to boot Will and if I want that advantage I need two of those other three to vote against each other! God this is gonna be hard... 

I’m in a tough predicament here. I could either A. play it safe, agree with everyone to vote will or B. try to save my ally and my advantage at the same time by getting Sarah and Eve to vote out Nik, risking my whole game. Godddd I don’t know!! aaaagh! 

it's 10am, tribal is in 10 hours, and i've had about 10 separate heart attacks throughout the morning. i don't know what to do tonight. i'm really struggling to figure out what's right. my heart says jacob, that's definitely where i'm leaning. juls is my closest ally at this point, and after the whole debacle with Billy, voting him out, then instantly starting to bond with him and all that, and apologizing, and him sticking by me even after I voted him out first, I would feel terrible voting for him again and I want us to prove to eachother we can trust eachother. but the fact he said juls' name.. if that's who he's going to go for, i simply can't prove to him i will vote with him. i'm tight with juls, she saved me even over emma, and i just really feel a bond with her. we're both the youngest in this cast, we both have lots in common, it really do feel like we're the same person at times. at the same time, my head tells me jacob is good in challenges, and will be ok in arena, but that i really don't need a 3rd person upset at me for going to the arena, and if Emma is still coming after me, she could probably use me coming for Jacob to her advantage, but I don't even know where she's voting or what she's thinking. i'm torn about this vote, and it's all the more annoying that if emma just hadn't fucked up at the last challenge, we wouldn't be here without someone to vote right now. we'd all be able to agree on emma or jacob probably, and it would just... it would still suck complete ass, but it wouldn't be as complicated as it is now. with a tribe as tiny as 5 people, going to tribal THREE times, with all the same 5 people.. it's just not something we can afford. our tribe is being torn apart and... whew, i just need the swap. give it to me rn. as of now, i'm thinking i'm going to vote jacob, and i hope i can get billy on board for that and take his mind off juls. that's where my head is at right now... tribal is making me sick to my stomach

What the f does I stan you even mean? Am I old? And I no longer hip and down with the lingo? Bogus, man...

Our first tribal is tonight... I hate to say it, but I'm voting for Will. Nobody has heard from him in days, or for the last challenge, and tonight will be a second strike if he doesn't come back for tribal. WILL I'M SORRY. I definitely would not have voted him otherwise, he did great on the other challenges and is a great personality to have around. Come back for the next season Will.. 

I am the swing vote again lol Juls got blamed for messing up last vote by Emma and Billy, which considering Juls is beloved by everyone, PERFECT But now since we lost I need to pick a side, Landen and Juls or Emma and Billy. I like Emma, Billy sketches me out. Landen is the perfect meat shield for eternity. He's a bit of a blabbermouth. I watched the tapes of the live tribal, he sold me out unknowingly in front of Billy. How am I supposed to both sides these people now!? I could get sold onto a Landen vote, but that's not being sold, so WELL, who do I screw over. I feel so bad voting out Juls, but that's a reason to vote her out too, gah. GAH. Do I pick a side and lowkey goat, or do I make my control of the tribe forefront (but not evident because everyone hates each other) Time will tell. 1 Hour until tribal, and I have no idea what to do. inb4 voted out

why the FUCK does emma have immunity? she's literally so useless and does nothing in challenges... and the fact she already turned on juls, this quick, over practically nothing? im sick to my stomach, love. i know i said that already, but you know what? I must have the flu, because my nausea is neverending with this tribe and our constant spins at tribal council. as emma once said, we're basically taking turns sending people to the hellish arena. but the twist is so complex because you can't send someone you like there, because there IS always the very real chance that they lose the challenge. going there could be a good risk if you're smart with it, but it could be a risk that puts your entire game in jeopardy and i'm a KNOWN safe player when it comes to game mechanics ^_^ the only risks i take are in emotional labor! speaking of, myself and juls have both been working very hard to keep her safe from billy and emma's focused target on her, but i don't see it happening.. Billy and em seem to be tight now and it seems like they've convinced jacob to take out juls. The really horrible thing about all this, is that if i want to save juls.... i'm likely going to have to vote billy. and that is going to be aching, because i really like the guy, and i was being 100% honest and genuine with him saying i wanted to be on his side, to prove to him i have his trust and that i will be loyal to him and want to work with him til the endgame and be his ally. but if he's going to go against juls and i have to choose between the two of them..... i mean, i can't choose billy. it would be bad. so there's 30 minutes left and i don't have a clear idea of what's happening yet and any choice i make will permanently damage a tight connection that I thought I had heading into the later game. I guess in good news, Sammy, Caeleb, and a new friend, Jordan, ALL messaged me saying good luck at tribal, and talking to me a bit about it, saying they hope I'm safe. Forming those cross tribal bonds could be crucial in surviving the next stage of the game, which, god please, is happening VERY soon... *i bind myself to the cross* Give me strength to get through this, Japan. Onegaishimasu.

So far the game is makin  me p sad, I’m super tired of going to tribal and having to send people to arena. And that Japanese challenge was so damn frustrating 

so tribal last night.... i mean, uh, i guess my power, huh? lmao........... MESS!!! IM A MESS MY GAME IS A MESS THIS WHOLE DAMN THING IS A MESS. Someone get me a MOP rn because Sonkei-Matsing tribe is STRUGGLING and it's all EMMA'S FAULT!!!!! On the other hand, I'm very grateful Emma is an idiot, because Billy got to be safe!!! So let me explain what happened in that bonkers tribal council, from MY perspective... When I heard that my closest ally Juls had her name coming up, i was like, oh HELL. NO. So I put in the WORK to get Jacob and Billy to vote for eachother. Don't get me wrong, Juls worked hella hard on this too, she is a bad ass bitch and she deserves credit. But I do believe I was a major factor in swaying their votes as well as I'd built pretty close relationships with each of them in terms of strategy. But with Billy, that relationship wasn't a tight trusting one, more of a, please, I like you a lot, let me prove to you that I can be trusted and we can work together. Let us prove that to eachother. But here's how it happened. Even though Jacob and Billy DID vote for eachother... NEITHER OF THEM TOLD ME THEY WERE VOTING FOR EACH-OTHER. BILLY LED ME TO BELIEVE HE WAS VOTING JULS THE WHOLEEEEE TIME. And initially, I was fine with it, and i was STILL going to vote Jacob off with Juls!! Thinking there was nothing I could do and she would go 3-2. But then, 5 minutes into tribal, you'll see me furiously typing... Because Jacob FINALLY told me he was going to vote for Billy (and that's on Whispering!!! #LiveTribal!!) So from my perspective.... Billy and Emma are voting Juls. Juls is voting Jacob. Jacob is voting Billy. It's 2-1-1... and if I vote for Jacob, then Jacob and Juls can't vote, and Billy and Emma have the majority to send Juls out, saving Jacob on the revote. BUT if I vote for Billy, then Billy and Juls can't vote, and now me and Jacob have the majority over Emma. That was the thought process behind my initial vote for Billy. LITTLE DID I KNOW BILLY ACTUALLY WAS VOTING WITH ME AND NOW I FEEL HORRIBLE FOR VOTING FOR HIM AND I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO HIM BUT HE DIDN'T TEXT ME WHEN HE GOT OFF AND UGH, I NEED TO MAKE THIS RIGHT!!!! Emotional labor is the most annoying thing, and I'm really bad it. I'm terrible at apologizing and owning up to things, maybe that's why I just let my friendships fall apart in real life instead of doing the actual work to save them once a problem happens. because emotional labor is fucking annoying, exhausting, and stressful! I don't got time for it! But now, I need to have time for it, because our tribes are FIVE PEOPLE strong, and at the next tribal council, if I don't get my relationship with Billy in check, I WILL be gone. It is his vote that I need to help make sure Emma's psycho ass goes home, and if he, Jacob, and Emma all think they're on the bottom... Yikes. I hope Billy understands that I was absolutely disgusted it came down to him or Juls and I thought I was doing everything I could to save an ally.. I even swayed Juls to help save him with me, when she felt uncomfortable with him. He totally screwed up by like... not telling me he was voting with me, he said in tribal people just need to be real with where they're voting, and I agree! I wish he had just followed his own advice with me, because he would still be here right now. But his screw up does not at all compare to Emma... what the FUCK was she thinking, self-voting like that...? Like, HELLO? She throws out Juls' name all round, for I don't even know WHAT reason, since they were supposedly close, but it's implied she throws out Juls' name for getting 4 crowns on the challenge... Um, YOU STUPID BITCH YOU LITERALLY ONLY GOT ONE MORE CROWN THAN HER AND BEFORE THAT DID NOTHING ON THE SLIDE PUZZLE CHALLENGE OR THE TRIBE CHANT, DESPITE US KNOWING YOU CAN PUT IN THE TIME WHEN YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT IN THE ARENA :) Headass.... Then, after doing that all round, she SELF-VOTES??? WITH IMMUNITY AROUND HER NECK??? Girl you MUST be crazy, cus this is psychotic. Headass, deadass, she is gone the next time we lose tribal, which, lbr, is probably next time because we're LIT RALLY matsing. at least caeleb thinks i'm denise though. i feel like i have the same amount of wrinkles as her, after the stress of this game like 3 rounds in. imagine how tired i am.  

Round 3's over! That's fun, innit? Glad we got rid of some dead weight in Bailey. As for friendships and alliances, I'm still slightly on edge about Darcy - I trust Beck over him. Got acquainted with Karen - they seem nice, but I'll keep an eye on them, too. Other than that, Nicole and Tommy are the people I'm mainly corresponding with. Seems like fun! :) Here's to a fun Round 4!

Okay so we won this round which is fun! Tommy went to the arena which gives me, Karen and Kevin a good chance to bond because Stoner just isn’t paying attention ever. I wonder if he has even made a confessional. Anyway, I’m going to be real annoyed if we lose and he whips out an idol. Also going to be mad if after this round there’s a swap and I’m swapfucked. I don’t think it really COULD happen to me though, because I’ve talked to at least one newbie on each of the tribes. Unless I’m stuck with Nik, Emma and Billy who have no interest in speaking to me, I think I’ll be fine. Speaking of newbies, I find myself talking to Ben a lot but I’m under the impression he talks to a lot of people. He reminds me of a lot of friendly pure men in this community like Joey, just very social and very nice! The only thing is sometimes he will say something in a conversation and I don’t necessarily know where to go with it. For example right now he’s having a full conversation with me in the village chat about pizza. I don’t know what to do with this and rather not be so vocal in the village chat. While the other newbies are increasingly hard to talk to, and sitting around all day waiting for the arena stuff is boring, Ben is a very nice person to talk to but I just wish we would talk like...about the game not what I’m eating. When it comes down to it I want to know I have an ally or two to bring to the end that might offset my immediate threat of being a winner, but not give them so much power that they win over jury votes. He seems to be showing his social side and not giving me any game info at the same time, which I have to look out for. All of the other newbies I’ve spoken to have talked game. He’s either playing a really good game by doing this or a really transparent one, I can’t tell yet. We will have to see! 

Last night proved something that I’ve been wondering about Landen for a while. He truly is a snake. I unintentionally made a really good move in keeping it mysterious on who I was voting. In order to make the vote go his way and to keep Juls, he instead changed the vote to ME and got Jacob to do the same. Sneaky mother fucker 😋 thank god Juls stayed the same though. I know for an absolute fact now that I won’t be able to trust him. As for Jacob, I do hope he comes back, because now that I know where the tribe stands I know I can get him on my side.

I don't know if I ever had such a frustrating round for challenges first duolingo and now the arena I was in the lead in front of everyone until the last clue and I lost it all I didn't get a medal. I'm so pissed, you really don't wanna @ me anytime soon because I'm at the point where I wanna go off on someone. 

Love the tribe, so happy we 5-0d the last tribal!! it was a cute moment!! hehe, we seem to be very together as a unit

So Will’s gone, well he’s at the arena but i think he died so he’s probably out for good. Now that he’s out that leaves me on the bottom of my tribe as the next to go, my only hope is getting as close to sarah as I can and crossing my fingers for a swap! Due to that triple tribal I think it’s going to happen next... hopefully! 

Ughh i keep forgetting to make confessionals until right before the round ends so im always like oh shit and then dont really know what im gonna talk about so its not good. hows things in the life of jordan pines? great thanks for asking, while i still feel on the bottom of my tirbe i definitly see a swap coming soon which i think depending on how it goes would be pretty good for me. Id ideally like to stay with most of the people ive been with plus new ones, becuse i think im seen as like an expendable numebr to caeleb and Jacob. I want them to keep thinking of me like this while I go out and start forming stronger relationships, keep bringing in those jordan pines minions, i got my sights set on billy right now, i like him but he makes me look as humble as they come and ive i could definitly turn him into a goat for me with the right coaxing. Im hoping will survives the arena cause hes for sure a number for me, but hes also a lil innactive so maybe he peaced. Im starting to build relationships with Landen who I like. I havent even looked at the all winners tribe holy shit. Karen and Stoner are gonna be my biggest obstacles as they dont necesarily love me. Im gonna try to work with Nicole for a bit if i can tbh. Thats really all im feeling right now. I think best cast scenario is people use me as a number and carry me just a little too far that I can turn shit around and fuck em over. It's definitely gonna be an uphill climb to the finish line, but the only way to do it is go step by step.

I feel like I am in a great position on my tribe! I trust Sarah and Eve a lot. Pete says he has my back so we can only hope that in the case of another tribal council, I will be safe! I’m still going to work my ass off and play my ass off to stay safe and not have to go to another tribal! This game is long and hard and I’m trying to see big picture. And within that big picture is a flashing sign that’s telling me there’s a tribe swap soon! Hopefully I’ll be able to work some magic and avoid being on a tribe with individuals that don’t like me. But overall I’m feeling pretty good after the last tribal!

[missjackil]

My Diary to the SPN Finale

Day 4. 

I overslept my alarm and was almost late for work. Normally. I have a terrible time staying asleep. Most of you who message me know Im up at 4am sometimes. My life is very stressful so its very hard to sleep, so when I wake up at 4am I always put the boys on, watch one or 2 episodes and go back to sleep/ Last night and the night before however, I slept straight through and past my alarm. “This is great!” one may think, but I spent all day exhausted anyway. What I think is happening, is that even though my body is too tense to rest, it knows to spend an hour or 2 with the boy's won't help. 

I went to work, forgot what I was doing a bunch of times, and forgot how to do some things I've done a bunch of times. I have to make up excuses, I can't say “My fav show is ending and I'm devastated” or people will think I'm nuts. 

At work, all I want to do is come home. But at home, my kids are breaking my heart, my pets are making me insane, and my house is falling apart, and my “security blanket” now feels like jagged sandpaper on my heart.

I'm not a drug user, nor much of a drinker (socially at best) but how stupid is it, that now I want to do both?  Im actually jealous now of those who can drink or pop enough pills to be numb. My vice is smoking. Yesterday I lit a smoke when I left work and a customer said “That shit will kill you” and I answered “I sure hope so”  Im going to give you all a little background history of me, Its ok if you stop reading now, but follow along if you dare😳

Im 52 and have had clinical depression my entire life. At the very least since I was 4. I dont know how it started but its been there as long as I can remember. needless to say my childhood sucked. Anything that could go wrong did. Im terminally single, unattractive, and perpetually poor even though Ive gone to college twice and have 3 degrees. Ive had 4 failed suicide attempts, my first was when I was 12 and ate 30 +\- asprin which only gave me bleeding ulcers and liver damage and 2 years of therapy that was worthless.

In Jan 2014, my life changed. I came into a good sized inheritance from an uncle who was a retired Army Sgt (mujch more about that I dont know other than he fought in Korea) and was left $50,000. (as were each of my sisters) I didnt go nuts and spend this right away, my daughter, father, and I were living in a decent apartment and  was saving it for a down payment on a house. My sisters all used their money to pay off their mortgages and other bills. I was looking for a nice house to buy, but even with $50K I wasnt sure I could handle the property taxes and utilities that had been previously covered by my landlord. My father decided that stairs were no longer something he could handle, so he moved in with my younger sister, so decided that I would just pay a lot of up front rent on our apt and stay there a few more years, but no, the landlord informed us they were selling in 3 months and there was no guarentee the buyer would want to rent out our unit. 

Then my car died, which was what was getting my daughter and I back and forth to work. Now I have to dip into the money and get a car. I got a $7000 used car that we shared and as soon as the warrenty was up, everything failed. After spending $2000 for repairs and it was still falling apart, I get another one... cheaper this time, but hey, it runs. 

Time goes by, we have 30 days to move out, as predicted, the buyer didnt want to rent our unit out, he wanted to move his mother in. So now Im scrambling to find something to move into in 30 days I find a trailer that seemed like it would be a good fit for just me and my dauhter, lots of room, 2 bathroom a nice yard. Im just about to buy said trailer and the park informs me its been sold because a buyer offered cash. Im like “Ummm I have cash too!” and theyre like “oh.... we were unaware.... but hey we have another one for you” and this one is much smaller, but a newer model so it wont need as much work. With 2 weeks left to move, I reluctantly take it. Now, we move, but with no one and I mean absolutely NO ONE to help us, we left 90% of our belongings in our old apartment because we cant lift shit and neither of us could rent a truck, we only brought what we could carry out. and I had to spend the rest of the money on furnature. Of course I lost my security deposit and also had to pay an additional $2000 for “clean up” of my old apt. 

Fast forward to March 1 2015, Im back to broke but still working my ass off. My dryer is broke, my AC and heater, the back door has been leaking quietly for so long you cant step within 2 feet from it or youll go through the floor. Theres a crack in my bathtub that has leaked under the house and is causing my back yard to slowly sink. My daughter works and together we can afford the lot ren, utilities and food. Nothing extra though. We were saving to start fixing things but trying to decided what was most important, and what was most costly. The dryer is cheapest, the leaky tub and sinkling yard is the most expensive but HAS to be done at some poijnt. I buy space heaters and wall unit ACs but that gives me $300 electric bills LOLOL. However I am introduced to SPN and these wonderful boys that I love instantly, and gives me an escape. Helps keep me sane. 

We get things almost together, then suddenly, my father died from the flu Feb 1st 2018. This day was the worst day of my life, it was also the night Various and Sundary Villians aired and after all the tears with my sisters and trying to get arrange,ents made, ALL I could think of was coming home and just escaping into my boys for a while. And I did, and it was a blessing. However, within a couple months, my younger sister and I are hit with my dads bills. Hospital bills, credit cards, car payments on a H3 Hummer he bought a few months before. My older sisters didnt get hit with this because they’re his step children, just my younger sister and I do. $30,000 of debt split between my younger sister and I. I havent been able to pay on any of it because they dont give me any option for low payments. Its like “$1500 by whatevermonth 30th or we take you to court” My sister is handling it ok because her husband makes $$$ but not enough to help me too. So, right now Im just keeping my house heated and my kid and I fed and my lot rent paid. Soon my wages will be garnished and I wont have that either and it will be all on my daughter. Now, my escape, the last thing in my whole world I enjoy is ending. So yes.... Im hurting. 

[joeckfick]

What do you mean you all knew?!

I said I’d post this ages ago and then I didn’t because I had been working on it for a week straight and I started to hate it so I took a break and decided I’d go back and read it a few weeks later with a clearer mind. and then weeks literally turned into months and today I finally decided to revisit it. Its not perfect but I’m happy with it enough to post it. feedback would be greatly appreciated. and if Mikey ever finds this im sorry... 😂 (I fully hope none of them ever find this)

Jack and Mikey were in Joe's apartment. He had invited them over yesterday as he hadn't seen them in a few days, but now that he was face to face with them he realized he had forgotten the arrangement completely. Jack recognized the look on Joes face right away.

"You forgot, didn't you?!" Jack gasped pretending to be surprised, his fake surprise quickly turned to laughter "I knew it, Mikey owes me a tenner," he said as he walked past, brushing shoulders with Joe and into the living room, Mikey following shortly behind. Joe keeps forgetting his plans with Jack, he hasn't been able to think straight lately and by "think straight" he means "think STRAIGHT." he has had small crushes on boys before but never as big as the crush he has on Jack. He's felt this way for a while but he just puts it down to it being what he calls a "man crush" he knows its complete bullshit but he'd rather bullshit than face it at this point. When he's around Jack he can't stop smiling and when Jack looks into his eyes he gets butterflies, but yeah it's just a "man crush".  

Joe closed his apartment door and stepped into the living room to see both Jack and Mikey already sat on the couch going through Movies to watch on the tv. Joe sent an apologetic look Jack's way.

"wha... oh no" Jack stutters "I don't mind it's easy to forget" He pauses for a second "I won't hold it against you if I get to choose the movie," Jack said with a wink, Joe blushed and chuckled. "And I get to choose the takeaway" Mikey added prompting Jack to throw a pillow his way.

A couple hours later they had finished their food and were now watching another movie; Joe's choice this time. Not that any of them were paying attention Jack was on a quest to empty the contents of the fridge into his stomach and Joe was in deep thought, staring daggers at a sleeping Mikey. It wouldn't make much of a bloody difference if Mikey was awake or asleep Joe thought, the only difference was when Mikey is sleeping he lets out an involuntary snort every five minutes. Actually now Joe thinks about it he does that when he's awake too. His internal rant about Mikey is interrupted when Jack slumps down next to Joe with a pack of four yoghurts and two spoons, obviously intent on sharing them with him.

"Joe?" he says and Joe looks up at Jack startled realizing he was staring at Mikey. Jack giggles "you're on another planet today."

Joe laughs "Sorry I was thinking about how Mikey is as entertaining asleep as he is awake." They both look over at Mikey to see if he had moved at all in the last thirty seconds; "probably more so." Jack says with a smile, placing the yoghurts and spoons on the coffee table to be forgotten. He gets up and heads into the next room without explanation and misses Joe blushing for the hundredth time today.

Joe daren't question why he blushes every time Jack smiles at him or pretty much looks towards Joe's direction. To be quite frank he sometimes wished that it was just him and Jack hanging out so they had things to talk about other than what Mikey wants to eat or how boring he is when he falls asleep before the movie even starts. Jack catches Joe thinking again, but this time he has a plan to break the boredom.

"I have an idea!" he grins, revealing he's holding a bag of wooden clothes pegs behind his back; the same ones Joe uses for his pranks.

The prank escalated pretty quickly, Mikey was such a deep sleeper that he managed to sleep through the clothes pegs and even their outrageous laughter. They had used up all of the clothes pegs and were now piling anything they could find on top of him.

"Jack pass me some more pillows," Joe laughed, "and have you seen my vlogging camera I need to catch this!" Jack's hands him his vlogging camera and while Joe is busy capturing the moment Jack gets another idea and wanders off to go and find something. He returns shortly after with an airhorn and doesn't even warn Joe before setting it off.

"AAHHHH" Mikey and Joe both squeal in unison, Mikey jumping up and hitting his head on a chair that was conveniently placed over his head. Jack and Joe fall on the couch tangled together and laughing, Joe with tears streaming down his face, but making no sound and Jack making a sound that can only be described as scream-laughing. Joe starts to wander off into thought again. He loves laughing with Jack like this he loves him, to be honest, loves him a little too much and it's constantly getting in the way but he loves moments like these despite that. Suddenly the reality of his feelings set in. He sits up abruptly, he... is he in love with Jack? But surely not? It's not like he wants to grab him and snog him senseless, is it? As a matter of fact, he wouldn't mind that at all, his thoughts are interrupted by the man who currently occupied them.

"Joe?" Jack questions.

Suddenly Joe realizes he's been staring at a blank wall for a bit longer than is considered normal.

"Joe, are you okay?" Jack says with a laugh "did the airhorn make you deaf?" Joe realizes he has to answer soon, but he looks into Jack's eyes and he can't get the words to leave his lips "or have you got the flu again? you're always spaced out when you're ill." Jack goes to put a hand up to Joe's forehead to test for a temperature seeing as he still hadn't answered and Joe was known for getting the flu. But as soon as his hand makes contact Joe snaps out of it flinching back.

realizing Jack was still waiting for an answer he blurted "Yeah, sorry I'm just tired."

"Okay," Jack let out an awkward laugh "well so is Mikey," he says "we'll leave in five so you can get some sleep.," he adds with a smile. Joe doesn't really want him to leave. He wants Mikey to piss off so he can spend some more alone time with Jack but he knows it's for the best, he needs to start being careful around him.

He didn't get much sleep at all that night because he couldn't get his mind off of Jack.

Unbeknownst to him, Jack didn't get much sleep for the exact same reason. He was thinking about Joe.

The next morning Jack woke up from the five minutes of sleep he had to find a phone full of texts and three slept-through alarms. He raced to get ready and out the door as he was already fifteen minutes late. When he got in the uber he checked his phone to see who the texts were from, he'd never admit it but he was hoping some were from Joe. He scrolled through all of his notifications but to Jacks dismay, there were no texts from Joe, only the spam from Mikey asking if he's still coming and a text from Josh saying he would meet Jack there. He doesn't remember Josh being invited but he assumes Joe must have invited him. It's not rare for people to be added to plans last minute. He sends Mikey a quick message letting him know he's on his way.

When Jack arrived he recognized the table with Joe, Mikey, Josh, and Caspar seated at it and headed towards the table right away.  They spotted him before he reached the table and cheered at him mockingly.

"There he is" Mikey shouted Causing people to turn around to see what was making the horrendous noise "shhh! bloody hell." Joe whisper-yelled as Jack was taking a seat across from him. "People are staring." Mikey falls silent pouting like a toddler and the other boys laugh at the exchange.

"I know I'm always late but at least I don't make a scene" Jack chuckles. "you most certainly do" laughs Caspar. Josh pipes up "You Maynards are always late and.." Caspar then interrupts "ALWAYS late" earning a glare from both Josh and Jack. "And you always show up at the worst moment and make a huge scene" Josh continues.

Their banter continues for a while until suddenly Joe gets a text and shortly after explains to the boys that he has to leave because of an "emergency." Joe hurries away but not before catching Jack's eye and giving him the same apologetic look he always does when plans fall through or he forgets. This time though, Jack thinks, there's something different He looks upset. After Joe leaves the boys continue to talk about Joe's weird exit for a bit before moving on to other subjects but Jack is too busy worrying about Joe. He hopes he hasn't upset Joe, he doesn't know what he'd do with himself if he hurt him.

He can't think of a reason Joe would be particularly upset with him unless he found out that Jack secretly had feelings for him and he hoped more than anything that, that wasn't the case. Suddenly Jack was dragged out of his thoughts by Josh asking him something.

"right Jack?"

Jack didn't hear the question but decided to chance a reply anyway.

"uh... oh yeah sure!" he blurts out before reverting to deep thought but not before catching Caspar giving him a strange look. He decides to brush it off because he was acting strangely after all.

When Jack got back from lunch he tried to call Joe. "no answer" he uttered to himself when it went through to voicemail for the second time. He thought about calling again but he didn't want to come off as creepy or annoying. Jack just assumed he was too busy to pick up, Or rather he hoped.

A week and three days since the lunch (yes Jack has creepily been counting, he knows he's weird) and Joe still hasn't picked up any of his calls or replied to any of his texts. He has even avoided any group get-togethers that Jack was a part of. Jack had even asked all the other boys if he was acting strangely towards them too but they all said the same thing "He's not acting strange, perhaps he's just a bit busy" or something along those lines. But Jack liked to think he knew him better than that. Yes maybe Joe was busy, but even when he was busy he'd find time to hang with Jack. They live in the same apartment block it's not that hard. But never the less Jack pushed it to the back of his mind. Conor was visiting today and he was staying at Joe's so Jack didn't want to make it awkward for him.

But of course, as soon as he answered the door Conor noticed something was wrong.

"What the fucks happened now?" Conor said with a fake sigh

"What? nothing! what?" Jack blurted attempting to hide it. Conor just laughed and pushed past Jack and into his apartment. Jack then closed the door. He startled when he turned around to see Conor standing right behind him, still waiting to hear what has happened. Conor let out a little snort at the horrified look on his face "Jack I know somethings up so you might as well just tell me." says Conor. "its nothing!" Jack lies and all he gets back from Conor is a blank stare. He turns away trying to avoid the subject and goes to sit on the couch, Conor follows sitting across from him. Jack tries to start a new conversation but getting no response he finally gives in.

"FINE!" Jack sighs, "It's just" he pauses "I haven't seen or spoken to Joe in ten days and he hasn't replied to my texts or calls and..."

"You're scared he's found out you're in love with him?" Conor interrupts. "SHIT, WHAT? NO!" Jack blurts, he's never actually told Conor about how he feels for Joe. He was just too bloody obvious and Conor had probably guessed before Jack even knew, but that's not the point and now he's looking at Conor with the same horrified look in his eyes again and it gives everything away. Jack quickly looks down suddenly very intrigued by the back of his hand. The last thing he wants right now is to confront his feelings towards Joe while he's being ignored by him and the last place he'd want to do that is in front of his brother.

"look, Jack" Conor tries to look him in the eyes but he won't look up.

"look I think he feels the same about you," Conor utters suddenly and Jack finally looks up looking both sad and hopeful. "That's not funny," he says looking back down at his hands. "I'm serious," says Conor "I've been talking to Caspar and he thinks so too" Jack stands suddenly, "YOU TOLD CASPAR?!"

He starts pacing. "for fuck sake Jack, Joe feels the same about you! Caspar thinks so too," Conor all but yelled, getting up and grasping Jack by the shoulders to stop him from pacing. Jack looks up at him teary-eyed "Are you sure" he sobs. Conor nods and pulls him into a hug.

When Conor breaks the hug apart he tries to lighten the mood "seriously though for someone who's avoiding you he sure does talk about you a lot" Conor laughs

They hang out for a while, they talk about Conor's trip and what Jack has been up to while he was away, but then Conor has to get going as he promised to be in a video with Joe.

"Come back with me and talk to Joe," Conor says and Jack laughs.

"He'd probably freak out at me if I did" Jack lied, Both of them knew Joe wasn't the type to "freak out" at most, it'd be a bit awkward.

Conor recognized Jack wasn't ready, "don't worry, me and Caspar will sort something out," the older brother said with a little wave goodbye as he left.

The next morning Jack gets a text from Conor telling him to meet him at Mikey's in an hour. He knows better than to question it and starts getting ready. When he turns up at Mikey's, the man himself and Conor are waiting outside. He is confused for a second but then he spots that familiar glint in Conor's eye and realizes what he's up to.

"Are we seeing Joe today?" Jack asks, already knowing the answer. "You could have at least told me," he said in a pained voice "I look like shit." He says and Conor laughs, "No you don't," he says "and if I'd have told you, you wouldn't have shown up." Jack wants to argue but he knows Conor is probably right so he stays quiet, Mikey doesn't question a thing because as usual, he is not paying attention at all. Conor explains that all the other boys are together right now at Caspar, Josh, and Grant's place and then they get going.

When they walked into the apartment Jack spotted Joe straight away. He was laughing with Josh and Caspar, Jack couldn't help the smile on his face at the sight of him laughing. He looked up to say hello to them and Jack's heart fluttered. He was convinced if he looked into Joe's eyes any longer he'd just break down and confess his love for him right here, in front of everyone. That was until Joe panicked and then quickly looked away. Jack then realized that Joe had no idea he was going to be here at all, his heart sunk. He looked over at Conor trying to communicate how pissed off he really was but Conor just gave him an apologetic smile in return, which didn't exactly help. Jack gave in and took a seat across from Joe.

Joe quickly became more detached and Jack could tell that all the other boys were trying their hardest to include him but he was looking more and more uncomfortable.

Jack has a leap of courage "Hey uh..." Joe looks up at Jack and Jack continues "Joe can we talk out in the uh... hallway?" He asks. Joe just gets up and walks into the hallway and he takes that as a yes. All the boys look up when Joe walks out but they all seem to calm down when Jack follows. Jack would question this but he doesn't want to keep Joe waiting so he doesn't bother.

When Jack gets into the hallway and sees Joe he's sure he's going to tell him how he feels but when he hears a loud roar of laughter from the next room courtesy of Mikey and Conor, he realizes how terrifying the situation is and now he's face-to-face with him he just starts rambling and flailing his arms.

"Joe, are you doing okay because you've been acting strange lately? are you upset about something? you can tell me if you are. I hope it's not me that has upset you." He takes a deep breath. "Because the last person I'd want to upset is YOU. if you need to talk about anything I'm here fo-..." He gets cut off by Joe grabbing one of his arms.

"Jack I'm okay," he says and lets out a little giggle. Jack smiles at his laugh and pulls him a few inches closer by his wrist, the one that Joe is still clasping onto. Their smiles fade and they stand in silence looking into one another's eyes and Jack swears their faces get a little bit closer and he thinks about kissing him but their silence is broken by a loud cheer in the other room causing Joe to jerk back loosening his hand but before he lets go completely Jack grabs his hand and guides him back into the room where the others are.

When Jack walks back in pulling Joe behind him, Conor catches his eye and Jack shakes his head to let him know he didn't confess, Conor rolls his eyes at Jacks cowardliness but then his eyes lock onto Jack's hand. The same hand that is still intertwined with Joe's hand. The same Joe who just saw the weird telepathic exchange between the two brothers and is now looking between Conor and Jack (But mostly at Jack) with a confused look on his face. Jack smiles at Joe and lets go of his hand turning Joes confused stare into a grin. They return to their seats and Joe isn't as quiet anymore, not with Jack smiling at him from across the room. Caspar sends strange looks Jacks way a few times but he's too busy admiring Joe to notice.

As the evening is coming to an end, Joe spots Conor, Mikey, and Jack

"Jack!" He waves as he's walking towards them and Jack looks up at him with a smile. Joe continues, "Come over tomorrow night to chill with me and Conor?" he asks beaming back at him. Jack nods in agreement, "Yeah sure!" he says enthusiastically and then Mikey starts to pay attention. "What about me?" He insists. Both Jack and Conor give him a death glare and Jack doesn't see it but Joe does too, but Joe being the good-natured person he is, says,

"Sure, but only if you promise not to fall asleep this time."

Jack can't stop thinking about the approaching evening all day, the next day.

He arrived in good time which is rare for a Maynard. Joe actually flinched when he opened the door "Bloody hell Conor come here!" he shouted back into the apartment "a Maynard has shown up on time" he said. Jack chuckled and nudged Joe's shoulder causing Joe to giggle and push Jack back palm-to-chest. Both of them laughed even louder when Conor interrupted clearing his throat "ahem".

Joe guided Jack into the living room by the front of his jacket, not noticing the blush that took place on Jacks' face by him doing so, to choose the movie they were going to watch, as they did every week.

Jack usually got his way with the choice of movie but this time he had made up his mind. Joe was raving about a documentary he'd love to show Jack, looking all cute and enthusiastic it made Jacks' heart swell. "We should watch that then," he said, giggling at the utter shock on the other man's face "are you sure?" Joe squeaked, "I thought you hated documentaries". Jack gestured towards the tv that displayed the list of movies he was just now looking through.

"Well I can't find a movie I'd like to watch and you sound so excited about it so I'll probably like it too," he said.

As Joe is looking for the DVD Conor catches Jack's eye and smirks at him knowing full well there was a movie he wanted to watch on that list.

As soon as Mikey walks through the door he's talking about food, more specifically about what he wants to eat tonight.

"I swear to god I've been thinking about pizza all day!" he declared, but Joe was having none of it this time, "I thought we were getting Nandos?" he said, "I ask for Nandos every week but we always get what you guys want instead" Jack butts in "I think we should go with what Joe wants its only fair" he says, and he doesn't see it but both Conor and Joe are smiling at him. Both for completely different reasons. "AWWW WHAT!" Mikey wailed and the other boys laughed.

"Conor come on! you don't want Nandos, do you?!" he pleaded, "Don't drag me into this I've already said I'm not fussed," Conor said holding his hands in the air and Jack laughed "its two against one Pearce you may as well give up now"

After they have eaten Mikey, of course, falls asleep again even though he promised not to but nobody bothers waking him up

and Conor is left to third wheel Joe and Jack. Not that they mind or even notice, they're too busy laughing and showing each other funny videos on their phones. completely ignoring the documentary that was supposedly one of Joe's favourites.

Conor, who is watching them from the other side of the room, gets an idea. Joe and Jack are sitting far too close for comfort and he decides to have a little fun with it. he walks over to stand in front of where they are sitting on the couch and Joe looks up. Conor gestures for joe to move over so he can sit in between them and Joe awkwardly complies. But Conor doesn't stop there, he starts rambling on about the documentary and what he thinks of it so far while the other boys sit there in silence. Jack looking incredibly pissed off and Joe looking increasingly awkward. Joe mutters something about snacks and wanders off into the kitchen. Conor looks so pleased with himself and it gets on Jacks last nerve so he socks him in the arm with a pointed knuckle and Conor gasps clasping his arm and putting on a mock-hurt tone he says "What was that for?!" and Jack punches him again. "Okay stop!" Conor squeaks, Jack whisper-yells "What the fuck was that?!" and Conor laughs. "I'm third-wheeling big time over here so I thought I'd make the most out of it." Jack gestures as if he's going to punch him again and Conor flinches putting his hand up to protect himself. "maybe if you told him how you feel it wouldn't be as fun to take the piss out of you" He jokes and Jack rolls his eyes "you know its not that easy" he says "and he probably thinks I'm so awkward now!" Jack insists and Conor laughs pissing Jack off even more "why are you laughing this isn't funny?!" suddenly Joe pipes up from where he's standing with the bowl of chips "Not awkward just annoying," he says facing Jack and sending him a wink before he turns to face Conor and gestures for him to move over so he can sit between Conor and Jack acting as if he was stopping them from arguing but really was just wanting to sit closer to Jack.

As Joe sits forward to put the crisps on the coffee table behind his back Jack mouths and gestures to Conor "how long was he there?" Conor just smirks and shakes his head and as Joe is leaning back again he catches a red-faced Jack gesturing towards Conor, who is pretending not to notice, "Can you two not argue for five minutes?" he jokes inching closer to Jack to show him another funny clip on his phone. Conor smiles to himself and picks up his phone to text Caspar "it's working."

as the night comes to an end and Mikey finally wakes up, their goodbyes are rushed, as Mikey was in a hurry and needed to get something from Jacks apartment.

an hour after Jack gets back to his apartment and is getting ready to sleep he gets a text from Joe "Your jacket and phone charger are still here so I'm coming over to drop them off now." was all it read, but Jacks' heart was racing as he re-read the text a couple times and then he heard a knock at the door.

He answered the door in his pyjamas to find a nervous looking Joe looking down at his feet and shuffling them "Hi" he said not being able to stop the smile on his face from the sight in front of him. Joe looked up with a startled look on his face but it quickly changed to mimic Jacks warm smile "Hi" he said back "Heres your stuff" he said handing Jack the jacket and charger and as Jack took them their fingers brushed causing Jack to flinch slightly. Joe didn't look as if he had noticed but Jack was ninety-nine per cent sure he had. They stand there with nothing to say for about three seconds. They normally always had something to talk about so Jack said the first thing that he could think of "i-is Conor as annoying now as he was when he was my roommate" he stuttered causing him to blush he inwardly cursed himself for stuttering, he never stutters. Joe laughed "I don't think we argue as much as you two do," he said and Jack chuckled. If only he knew what they were arguing about. As if Joe read his mind he changes the subject "you know Caspar said something yesterday that made me think" he says and Jacks heart drops and he knows Joe sees it this time because he takes a step forward and coils Jacks shirt around his fist as if he was afraid he was going to float away. Jack looked down at Joe's hand and then into his eyes his heart beating a mile a minute. Joe looked like he was contemplating something his brows knitted together and his bottom lip between his teeth. Jack looked into his eyes and then at his lips, he couldn't help but stare. Joe took this as an answer to his unasked question and wrenched Jack forward by his pyjama shirt out into the hallway as their lips pressed together harder than intended. Any other time Jack would have been very conscious of the fact he was wearing pyjamas in a semi-public hallway, but not now, with Joe's mouth on his and arms around Joe's neck, surrounded by the scent of the man he loved. The moment was too perfect, too good to be true and Joe panicked. He pushed Jack away uttered an apology and raced down the hallway, Jack tried to call him back suddenly aware he was in the hallway in his pyjamas "Joe wait!" he shouted prompting the neighbour that lived across from him to open the door and shush him. He desperately wanted to go after Joe but decided Joe would be better off if he didn't. he probably hates me now, Jack thought.

Jack spends the whole morning the next day debating whether to go to Joe's that evening.

All of the boys were planning to go over to Joes tonight. It had been set in stone for a couple days now so Jack knew it'd look weird if he didn't show up and Conor wouldn't stop texting him asking him to get things for tonight. So Jack decided he would go even if he didn't stay for the whole night. He was still unsure of how Joe would react though and if the kiss even meant anything to him.

That evening Jack was only a little later than he should've been. Conor was the one to answer the door and the other boys were already sat outside by then. He followed Conor to the terrace and watched as he took a seat in between Caspar and Joe. Jack took the only seat that was still available and sat on the end next to Mikey.

The boys were having an animated conversation about their travelling plans and Joe was joining in but not a lot. so Jack tries to make eye contact with Joe, and he either doesn't notice or is purposely trying to avoid him. However, Conor notices and looks between Jack and Joe with a furrowed brow finally settling on Jack and mouthing "what did you do?" Jack laughs and shakes his head dismissing Conors question and goes back to listening to the other boys travelling conversation.

Halfway through the night, not much has changed other than it getting darker and colder. Joe is still avoiding him, Conor is still sending strange looks and now Caspar has apparently decided to join in too, staring at Jack as if he has two extra heads. In fact, he's staring that much that Jack checks himself in his phone reflection a few times to check if he's miraculously grown another head. Jack spots both Caspar and Conor whispering multiple times and he decides to confront them about it.

"Oi, what're you two whispering about over there?!" He jokes, loud enough that all of the boys turn to look at Caspar and Conor. All but one, Joe, who finally makes eye contact with Jack. Jack smiles at him, trying to think of something to say to make him laugh but Joe quickly looks away again and Jacks' heart sinks. He wishes Joe would just talk to him, he feels like shit when Joe's avoiding him.

A few minutes later the boys start complaining about the cold and Joe heads inside to get blankets for everyone. He takes a little while and Jack sees this as the perfect opportunity to try and talk to Joe. He manages to slip away unnoticed. He bumps into Joe on his way back outside, arms full of blankets, and Joe drops them in shock and stands to stare at Jack with a horrified look on his face. Jack laughs "I'm not that scary!" He says. Joe visibly relaxes at this and Jack smiles warmly at him causing Joe's face to flush bright pink and Joe's hands shoot up to his face in an attempt to hide it but Jack has already noticed and it only makes his heart swell even more. Jack steps forward gently removing Joe's hands from his face and holding them in his own and decides its now or never. "Look, Joe, I know you know I have feelings for you and I know, you know, I know you do too" He starts rambling again "and if what happened last night..." He is cut off by Joe laughing at him. "What?" he says looking both frightened and amused. Joe laughs again and says "you're just cute." Jack smiles "Oh yeah?" he says in a mock-challenging tone and Joe just nods as Jack pulls him closer. This time Jack is the one to kiss Joe, wrapping his arms around Joe's waist and Joe's hands holding either side of Jack's face. But they're abruptly interrupted by a choir of wolf whistles and howling, and Josh shouting "I bloody knew it!".

Jack's head spins around startled by the intrusion and Joe buries his head in Jacks' shoulder. The two awkwardly stand there as the others gather up the blankets and Caspar says "we will meet you two back outside when you're ready" and Joe looks up just as Caspar winks at them. Causing Joe to blush and hide his face in Jacks' shoulder again. Jack chuckles at Joe as the boy's exit the room and in the distance, they both hear Mikey, "What do you mean you all knew?! I never knew!" and both Jack and Joe burst into laughter this time.

[strawberryspeachy]

So far on the boys ive talked to in japan - aside that teacher

1) around september i decided to look at whose on tinder. One boy i matched with talked to me and didn’t stop responding upon finding out i was not japanese. He helped me with a couple japanese phrases - telling me what sounded most natural. Asked me if i lived alone. Said he wanted to meet me.... asked if i was free that week. I said yes. I gave him a couple days that i was off. He never responded again - that was about 5-6~ days into talking

2) october i went to a club... after a disappointing night i talked to the cute ... not bar person but like he was on the floor. I thought he’d walk away but he got all happy and kept moving close to me to talk. It being too loud combined with my poor japanese and his no english meant we used google translate to talk mostly. Added each other on instagram and he said he’d like to hang out sometime. I asked about a few days and he pulled out his calendar and both were days he worked- he had two jobs. He said we’ll figure out a time later. We had some conversations on instagram. Then after a couple weeks his stories always showed him with friends. I asked him a couple times when he was free and he said he was working all the time. After another weekish of that i said it seemed that he had time to see his friends but not me. And he basically just said yep

3) december i got back on tinder. But for real. Not just a qick swipe through. Talked to the next guy with a bunch of other dudes. Was just talking. Trying to improve my english. Hoping someone would ask me to go eat with them since that is what id written on my profile. This boy asked me to hang out. We’d talked more and more over the two weeks and he said he really wanted to see me. But he couldnt cause he was working too much. Then he told me when he has a break. I had the flu at the same time and told him id tell him when i was better and he got sweeter and sweeter toward me. Then we talked on the phone and it was awkward and difficult cause my japanese not being great is even worse when i cant gesture. But it went well. Then. Suddenly. Over text the tinder boy - lets have sex! - bs came up. I said i didnt want to the first time we meet and i wanna just talk. He asked a couple more times about it and then agreed. The day before we talked on the phone again - he suddenly said he had to take another call and hung up and then didnt say anything else the rest of the night. I freaked out a bit that night thinking hed stopped talking to me. But the next morning he messaged me like nothing happened. Didnt even want to acknowledge my freak out aside from telling me not to think so much.

We met up. He took me to a shrine. We got fortunes and ties them to a tree... then he took me to his apartment... fast... he said he wanted to watch movies together.... bought... chocolate. I mean great but i wanted real food i was hungry. Then. He kept trying to have sex with me. So many times just pushed and pushed. Would not take no for an answer. Finally when... he was trying to take off more of my clothes and i wouldnt let him and said no again. He asked if i had my period. And only stopped after i said i did. Kept trying to pursuade me to give him a blowjob.

Before that... he asked me to be his girlfriend. Said he was moving soon and asked me to move in with him. Told me hed be workig two jobs for the rest of january so we couldnt meet again till February...

Anyhow after i kept saying no to a blow job and other stuff happened i asked him if we could go get food. He said he didnt have money and cooked bad ramen on the stove and french fries... he drank a bunch of alcoholic. We watched some music videos and he went to sleep.

When he kinda seemed to wake up i tried to make a point of me leaving. He just acted kinda annoyed that he had to even still deal with me being there at that point and ignored me while trying to sleep... he ghosted me right in front of me

He replied to my text the next day with some nonsense and about a week later he told me about his apartment plans. He sent one last text about it before... never responding again

I let it be for the next four weeks... till the days he was supposededly done working two jobs and couls see me again. Hed made story postings during this time

But yea. Never replied to me again

4) some boy who wanted to get better at english cause hes moving to the us. We talked on the phone a couple times near christmas. He complained about not having a gf and said he wanted to hang out. But the times i asked he was “busy”. We hung out once... played darts. He said he didnt want to drink cause he drank the night before and he ate before meeting me so left early.... said next time. There was never a next time.

5) some guy i talked to a bit. He asked to meet up. I agreed. Took a whole for us to find each other cause he kept...... hanging up the phone on me.... he didnt look like his pic and he dressed weird. He basically hailed me over when he found me and then walked fast so that i basically had to chase him around. He was one of those dudes that walks with his hands out like people are supposed to move for him. After about 20 minutes of that he told me to wait while he pretended to get a call and then told me his dog is sick and he needed to leave to take her to the hospital. He said well meet again. Never saw him again not that i wanted too.

6) talked to another boy for a couple weeks. Just about fun stuff it was good conversation. We talked about music and movies and murder mystery parties. About our days and just generally the kind of good conversation you have with friends. Around the third week we talked about meeting... but. Then. Tinderboy - i wanna have sex! Came into the convo... i told him i had my period and asked if we could go out to drink instead. He said lets drink before we do next week. Whatever. Next week comes around. Same good conversation everyday. The day of comes and he responded to me in the morning reconfirming the time and place and stuff. Once the time to meet rolled around. No response. I called him a couple times more so to bitch him out. He blocked me.

7) some other dude. We talked a bit. He asked me to go out to eat. Post poned 3 times that night cause he was working later than he was supposed to. I was so hungry. No he didn’t wanna go out to eat. Bought me some convience store food and barely let me finish eating before hooking up... he said thanks to my happy birthday message. But otherwise we havent talked again. Even though hes a ten minute walk away.

8) then of course theres the absolutely adorable boy who took me out on the date of my dreams.... until he silently walked me the train station. Said bye. And now has slowly ghosted me all week. He just unmatched me on tinder after i asked about it so. Guess he’s gone. Which has me feeling fucking terrible.

9) talked to a guy a couple days ago. He asked if i wanted to hook up. I basically agreed. I WANTED HUMAN CONTACT ON VALENTINES DAY. He told me beforehand he was only free for a couple hours. Asked if i wanted him to pick me up the night before buttttt i got my hair treated and shouldnt sweat so i said it was too late and i needed to sleep. He met me. Late. At the station and walked me back yo his apartment after i was done work. One of my students saw me with him... embarrassing. We talked a lot. Hes the oldest guy ive ever... anything. Though still just 29. It would have been a good conversation if... i didnt know he asked me to come have sex and then never made a move. An hour and a half in he suddenly went

Oh its the time! Sorry go. I should have agreed to his request for yesteday instead of insisting on friday.

Ive been freaking out about 8 and i messaged him asking if he lost interest in me. He never responded to my message asking if he wanted to hookup yesterday. He didnt respond for 20 minutes and then i said either say yes or no so im not waiting. And he almost immediately responded with no. So. Idk.

10) talked to some dude from hong kong yesteday. He messaged me first saying he doesnt like japan and just came for the food. Ive been crying all day and basically hust bitched about japan to him. Apparently he doesnt actually dislike japan... he just doesnt like the bidets.... and i told him my home life sucks so im here but here sucks too so wtf. Ya know. Things that are totally attractive go someone you started talking to a half an hour ago. He said he wanted to talk about food. Im good at food talk ok. Then asked if i wantrd to meet up and look for cake with him. Sure. Shinjuku. The same placd i met 5 and 3. Thought id break the- everytime i come to this city im depressed. Cause before them the last time i went to shinjuku in the summer. I couldnt find the clothes shops i was looking for. There were couples all around me. And it was the first day in japan i felt so utterly and truely miserable and alone and like nothing in my life was better. I was still hoping at that point that the teacher i worked with would go with me and show me around and i left thinking next time i go itll be better cause i wont be alone.

Well shinjuku appears to be bad luck for me. I got stressed trying to find this boy and sounded like it over the phone. But he still met up with me. I brought him some snacks from the baskery near me on my way. We talked. He speaks english. But he just asked about my job... how do you get it. Is it hard. Whats its pay.

I walked past a cake shop on my way to meet him and i showed him the cakes he said he really wanted. He said he didnt bring much cash so he didnt want it.... k i thought that was the point of this trip but whatever. He asked me if i was hungry three times. I said i ate before coming because normally when i meet people we dont eat and i go hunry. I left out the YOU SAID YOU WANTED CAKE!!! Part. He said he was hungry but didnt want me to not eat while he did. So i told him to find a place with desert and ill eat desert while he eats a meal. Were walking. This is about 25 minutes in and he starts to complain his legs hurt and that hes tired. Another 10 minutes pass and he complains more about how he feels like hes floating and his shoes dont fit. I see mcdonals and say i know this is lame but ive kinda been craving a big mac. Its fine if not cause ya know your visiting japan but would you want mcdonals. He jokes about it and then goes yea i could go for a bigmac. We get in the store and he tells me to go. And i tell him to go ahead first. Then he says no he feels sick and doesnt want to eat.... tells me to eat... the exact situation he didnt want earlier

Hm. Gee. I wonder whats coming. I say i only wanted to eat cause he said he was hungry. We leave and then he says maybe its tmi but - proceeds to tell me about being constipated. I didnt try to listen. Btw he was 6’4 and kinda difficult to hear if i didnt try. I wrap that up with. Yea i think that was a tmi story but good for you. Cause the gist of it was that he could shit now.

Then. You know its coming. He says hes gonna go home. I stop acting happy. I told myself the next time this happened id confront them.

We met up at 7 and it was now like 7:50. My train is 10 bucks round trip.

But. I couldn’t think of anything to say.

All i could say after a while of kinda just going silent was - whyd you ask me to meet if you were so tired.

And he aaid cauae walking around japan alone isnt fun. Yeah mean i know. I said that to you over text earlier.

I asked him if i dont look like my pic. He says i look exactly like my pic.

I say a few times before ive met up with guys and we never talk again. And he goes - well youre meeting strangers and sometimes it just doesnt click

He unmatchd me the moment he got on his train. I imagine were still friends on snapchat cause he probably deleted it since he redownloaded it to talk to me

So yea. Same experiences as back home because im me and i will always be cursed and miserable. I dont wanna sleep cause im waiting to see when that boy in 8 will block me on line... cause i sent alot of messages. It doesnt help me to know when.... but.... ya... idk. Someone shoot me please

[mceproductions]

October 2018 Blurbs

10/1/18 31 Nights of Halloween, Freeforms inheritence from its previous incarnations, other than the mandated 700 Club. The month between seasons, otherwise known as candy city. Stockholm Syndrome from Willies departure may be setting in as we had a large truck and only 4 of us to do it. I shouldnt be missing his prescence but somehow i am. Remedy is needed soon. 10/2/18 Im A Christmas Guy, love giving gifts out and decorating. Have done so annually for 16 years and it always starts within the first few days of October as i unblock my Holiday themed movie and TV Shows on digital. Looking forward to the next few weeks especially. Brewers NLDS starts Thursday! 10/3/18 The old tutalige of when it rains it pours, reared its ugly head. Flat by Old El Rancho. That really screws things up for me. Hoping for Miracle. 10/4/18 Well, day minus the Brewers coming back, was a bust. Tire was flat. Hoping I can get it either possibly fixed or a cheap replacement. Wondering how ill get to the store tomorrow. 10/5/18 Apparently massive flu spreading around as Mom picked up whatever Dad was sick with. Ended up replacing tire, but with brand new one. Hopeful not mistake. Also affected things at WallyWorld as Linda and Tyler were feeling cruddy. Hopeful I dont get it. Brewers win and truck got fixed. Still undecided on Venom or Gaga for movie on Saturday. 10/6/18 Ended up going with Gaga and was pleasently stunned by both her and Bradley Cooper. Movie was wonderful and that ending was rough, picked up soundtrack to boot. Sort of took longer than I anticipated coming back from EC thanks to BlueGolds Homecoming. Boy colleges take that far more seriously than High School. Panera for dinner was a great alternative as well. 13th Doctor tomorrow before work! FLCL on the other hand...I'll never say the C word to anyone, but Pets was definetly the C Word to Kana. 10/7/18 Man that was emberassing to watch. Green Bay actually played so lousy I watched Doctor Who, and loved the female 13th looking forward to more of her. Final Season of Walking dead also premired. Wonder how Ricks going out. Gunner and his partner are really intolerable. Reporting that asap, the store is not a place for thier private spats. 10/8/18 Columbus getting squeezed out of his own day is the most PC thing that I can get on board with. Nobody gives a crap about the whole Sailed the ocean blue in 1492 thing anymore. Stuff to do including assignments that I have to go to the library to finish. Hoping internet will be back sooner rather than later. 10/9/18 Woke up to flashing lights by house and realized power line got taken down by tree that Dad had pointed out. A bit more broke than I anticipated. Stuff here i have to do anyway and thankfully work will limit my having to go anywhere. Really could use $300 to pay Patti. Brewers will take on Dodgers in NLCS starting Friday. Mad that Conan for all intent and purpose has been cancelled, adpating is one thing but this is a glorified cancellation. 10/10/18 Rain city continues...Puddles in Bravada. On top of it its getting colder. Winter isnt here yet, but the white ravens are taking flight. 10/11/18 Now comes the cold, and first snow of the year. We had it all today cold, wind, sun and snow. 10/12/18 Store gave me a first look at my future. Gaurantee work on Sunday Monday and Friday every week unless i say so. Which other than one day may be saying much. Could use more variety than that. Also stinks NLCS is on when im working. Pulling for Dodgers in at least 1 game so I can see game 5 on wednesday at least. 10/13/18 They have been hyping the crap out of inventory for the past 3 weeks. Now i see why, Clint made a rare Saturday appearance at the store. Hopeful for the next few days. Got my prediction right about game 5 on Wednesday so thats good. Kanye is nuts as usual, and Kana gave me the best reason yet to finally move forward on the FLCL finale. Cold week ahead. 10/14/18 Andrew and his little notes are getting out of hand. Got called in to do truck early as Inventory closes in on Tuesday. Clint on the other hand, i know ive got to not walk off for a few seconds but he really needs to chill for a bit especially cause we both used to be pushing carts in the first months of the store he should know my rhtyms by now. Stinks about Pete Davidson though, really hope he can recover cause i liked him and Ariana as a couple. Rather unfortunate that they split cause she couldnt deal with her ex commiting suicide. 10/15/18 A missing person is a big deal, when you happen to know someone who is related to said missing person, then you know its huge. Jayme Closs, the cousin of Brody being abducted after her parents were gunned down, sad for all. My only issue is brody reatcing to everyones sympathies, overkill a bit. The other issue i have is the amber alert system that can be sent out to phones. With Trumps ability to text everyone in the country I witnessed a bunch of people who got the alert yesterday complain about it, the others who thought she killed them and fled are the bigger morons. Hopefully shes found safe. Other than that, good night for Wisconsin Sports, Brewers are 2 Out from pennant and Rodgers did his thing once again. 10/16/18 Boring first part of shift as we did basically nothing due to the inventory. But at least the night managed to salvage itself. Dodgers really play dirty. 10/17/18 Nose began to stuff itself again. Bunch of classwork for 2 weeks as i get the inservice day. Milwaukee gave another one away. Hoping Game 6 on Friday will be a turnaround. 10/18/18 Rare thursday day, nose still stuffed. 10/19/18 Library day as i caught up on work, and finally watched A Chrsitmas Story to its ending. A classic, yes just don't feel that strongly about it. Big game from the Crew forcing Game 7. 10/20/18 This day was nuts, a quick 25 minute snowcase that gave way to sunny conditions by noon. Saw Venom, didn't get why it was hated. Quite enjoyable dyanmic and She-Venom was the highlight of it all. Dodgers unfortuantley took the pennant. Great season overall for Milwaukee just bummed my streak of picking the world series winner at the All Star game ended at 4. Also tide pods finally used them, no wonder people ate them they're great for clothes. 10/21/18 First day ever that i skipped NFL Games. Neat concept. 10/22/18 Very long strech of store coming up, especially given that Today we only had 3 total. 10/23/18 Held off on grabbing Mamma Mia 2 Blu Ray. Mainly due to gas situation that had Bravada dying near tracks. I got to figure cash situation out to pay off people. 10/24/18 Lone day off before Halloween. No class today so that made things better. Master Mode on Zelda getting easier to figure out. Did reset on iPhone and Kindle, should fix lone bugs. Really want to play RDR2 and Spiderman PS4. World Series from what I can tell is shaping up as a sweep. Also, whole reason I began watching Sunny aired tonight. First of 2 Part Super Bowl Episode. Charlie in a Bear Trap drinking pee, eww! 10/25/18 First of 6 in a row backwise. The Halloween episodes on TV Usually do wonders for me, not this time. I know this is the final season of Big Bang Theory but Sheldon not realizing how irritating he sounds to others after 12 years and so much maturing seems not the right way to do it. Especially seeing his wife irrate Bernadette. 10/26/18 2nd night, the wheels i dont think feel off, but the were more loose than usual. Hour to set up, hour work, break, 30 minutes to unload hvdc and then didn't finish til after 6. When your down numbers wise you can certainly feel it. FYI The crap with the MAGA Bomber made me mad enough to likely stay off social media until after the election, that made it my breaking point. RWBY Season Premire Tomorrow! 10/27/18 Rooster Teeth First free trial, worth it for watching a great primire that perfectly sets up what comes. My point who is that woman with the Maz Kanata eyewear? Wisconsin stinks. 10/28/18 My issue with the whole core hours thing involves me working on days i know theres something i should be doing. Such as watching the packers. Almost beating LA, hopeful they can actually do that against Brady. 10/29/18 That blue wave better close in next week cause, another shooting and another predictable Trump response occurred. Hate crimes abound in his america. 10/30/18 Last in the back, October really came and went this year. Only thing bad about not working Halloween is the dressup im missing out on. Adam in drag would have been a hoot. 10/31/18 Darkness Falls Across the Land...You Know the rest. Halloween. This day is one back 20 Years ago i would openly love. At least the Candy is still around, albiet smaller and more sugary. Nowadays this day has me DVR'ing all the major shows to see what costumes get put on. Spoiler Alert only episodes of ATH And PTI that I happily record all year. When it comes to applying for scholarships however thats where it blurrs. WITC is really biased against those in the outreach sites hoping i can get help tomorrow when i visit. November came too quickly but, I get to see my nephew in 2 Weeks!