#i spiraled and had a mini ??? argument with my guy

[ripdragonbeans]

Me: Hey Spotify play what I'm feeling

Spotify: *plays Numb by Linkin Park*

Me: rude but correct

[hunnysnoops]

˗ˋ𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕥𝕖 𝕋𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕙 𝕋𝕖𝕖𝕟𝕤ˊ˗

Chapter Ten: Smile Like You Mean It

Kyle Broflovski x fem reader

We lost track of the time. Dreams aren't what they used to be, something's slide by so carelessly.

Also available on Ao3 and Wattpad!

Premise: At the concert there is more in the air than just body odour and guava ice vapes. A striking realisation sends you into a frenzied spiral.

Warnings: crude language and humour

MASTERLIST

Navigating through the bustling chaos of the concert parking lot, you scan the sea of cars, searching for Kyle's familiar vehicle. The air is alive with anticipation and the distant rumble of bass lines from the venue. Everyone walking through the lot and finding their own way around looked like they had grabbed the darkest thing from their closet and ran with it.

That's why Kyle was so easy to spot, he was on his phone, trying to text you in the lobby. Next to him were three girls in leather boots and fishnets chatting amongst themselves, Kyle looked extremely out of place with his fire-red hair, dark green zip up hoodie over a white shirt, and jeans. "Oh my god," You mutter, approaching Kyle "What are you wearing?"

"What?" He looks down at his outfit "This is what I always wear."

"Didn't I tell you to dress for the concert?" You ask him.

"Uh, yeah," He gestures at his clothes "I'm dressed."

Both of you watch as a man with a bright red-dyed mohawk walks by, tattoos covering almost every inch of his skin. "Yeah, you fit right in." An idea hits you and you dig around in your pocket and pull out a black pencil eyeliner.

"No."

"What?" You ask like it was shocking he would say no "Why?"

"I am not wearing eyeliner."

"You didn't even know I was going to ask that," You say and silence stretches between you "Okay, just a little eyeliner, please."

"No fucking way man," He says, firm "I will never hear the end of this."

"It'll be fine."

"No."

"Just be cool," You take the cap off the pencil.

"I already agreed to come to the concert, you're pushing it."

"You bought the tickets," You exasperate "Don't act like you didn't want to come with me."

The back-and-forth continues, both of you speaking simultaneously, words tumbling over each other in a flurry of frustration. The noise around you fades as the intensity of your mini-argument grows, drawing a few curious glances from passersby.

"Kyle-

"No."

"Please!"

You reach the point where everything you say becomes incoherent as you both speak over one another, each of you raises your voice with every word to talk over the other person. Those passing by might have thought you were genuinely angry but that was just how you communicated with Kyle.

"Fine," He says at last, thinking of the comments you had made upon seeing the poster initially. 

"Yes!" You take a breath, composing yourself "Okay, bend down a bit," You gesture for him to lean closer, and reluctantly, he does. With practiced hands, you trace a subtle line along his upper eyelid, your touch light and precise.

The side of your hand connects to the warmth of his cheek. You bite the inside of your cheek as you focus, drawing the black line near his eye, he winces "Ow."

"Guys are such babies," You dismiss him, pulling his undereye down slightly as you fill it in. He shifts again, causing the line to shake "Kyle, stay still!" you admonish, frustration creeping into your tone.

"Can you hurry up?" He mumbles "There's people here."

"Pfft, no one cares but you, get out of your head." 

"Jeez, you're poking my eye out," He counters, his voice rising a notch.

"Poking your eye out? I'm barely touching you!" you retort, both of you talking over each other. "Stop being a bitch," He leans back in. "Close your eyes," Gently, with one hand on the back of his head, you roll your thumb over it until it's smudged, doing the same on his other eye until both of them are equally smokey.

You take a step back, biting your lip to contain your smile. "Are you done?"

"Ready for the moshpit, shakabrah," You tease him. 

Kyle reaches into his pocket for his phone, tapping on the camera and inspecting your work. "I look like Rodrick Heffley." 

"Awesome, he's hot," You grin. "How do you feel?"

"Stupid."

"That's probably because you are," You try to keep a straight face but it eventually breaks into giggles.

"Why are you laughing?" A tinge of redness rushed to his face as he turned his head to look away.

You grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him back and forth, almost bouncing off the floor "Because I'm so excited!" You grab his wrist and pull him along into the lobby.

To one side, a row of sleek, metal-framed windows provides a view of the darkening sky outside, the city lights twinkling in the distance. The floor beneath you is polished concrete, its cool surface reflecting the neon glow. Tall columns, also illuminated by neon strips, rise to support the high ceiling, where a large chandelier made of repurposed guitar strings and metal scraps hangs, casting intricate shadows across the room.

Your eye catches on a booth where t-shirts, hats, and hoodies all hand. Next to the shirts, rows of CDs and vinyl records are laid out, each featuring the band's latest album as well as some of their iconic older releases.

You ignore everything else and immediately head straight for the booth, looking at the t-shirts. 'Suburban Wasteland' emblazoned across the chest in bold, distressed lettering. Beneath the band name, is the art of a zombified woman; large hoop earrings hang from her green weathered ears, she's dressed as a waitress, her yellow dress torn up and soaked in blood. The bottom of her jaw had been torn off completely, in her hands she carries a platter with a brain resting on top while she stares at you with large white eyes. 

"You're out of luck Kyle, they don't sell six XL," You say while sifting through the merchandise.

"Your maturity is admirable," He says, sarcasm hanging from each word. 

"I've been told," You say, grabbing one shirt in your size and another for Kyle. You hold it up against him, assessing the fit. "This one's perfect," you declare, already heading towards the cashier.

"Hey, you don't have to buy it for me," Kyle protests, reaching for his wallet.

You wave him off, determined. "It's on me. Consider it a thank you for the tickets."

Before he can argue further, you hand over the money to the cashier and receive the shirt in return. You turn back to Kyle, triumphantly holding out the shirt. "Here you go. Now you'll really look like a thrasher."

He steps aside to slip on the shirt, and when he returns, you find it hard to keep back your smile. The shirt fits him perfectly, adding to the edgy look you had envisioned though he still has his green hoodie hanging overtop. The eyeliner, the shirt- it's all coming together. 

You tug the shirt on over your outfit, holding your arms out to be sure it fits properly and making your way towards that entrance of the concert hall.

The entrance to the venue is framed by towering pillars wrapped in neon lights, casting a vibrant glow on the throngs of fans filing inside. As you and Kyle pass through the threshold, the dim lighting of the hallway beyond creates an intimate, almost conspiratorial atmosphere, drawing you further into the world of the concert.

Inside, the concert hall opens up into a vast, cavernous space. The stage dominates the far end of the room, a massive structure bathed in dramatic spotlights and flanked by towering speaker stacks. The backdrop features a large banner with "Suburban Wasteland" emblazoned across it, the letters jagged and distressed. The silhouettes of the band's instruments are visible, that alone has you shaking with excitement. 

The floor is a sea of fans, a mixture of restless energy and eager anticipation. People are clustered in groups, some pressing forward to get as close to the stage as possible, others hanging back, content to enjoy the music from a distance. The air is thick with the scent of sweat and excitement, mingling with the occasional waft of concession stand treats.

The lights dim further as you and Kyle find a spot to settle in. You glance around, taking in the sea of faces, all turned towards the stage, waiting. The crowd's murmur ebbs and flows like a living organism, each person contributing to the collective buzz. The floor beneath you vibrates slightly with the low hum of the bass.

As the opening act wraps up their set, the anticipation in the concert hall reaches a fever pitch. The lights dim, plunging the room into darkness, and a collective hush falls over the crowd. You feel a surge of excitement, your heart pounding in sync with the growing energy around you. The air is electric, charged with hundreds of fans' eager whispers and shifting movements.

Suddenly, a single spotlight pierces the darkness, illuminating the stage. The backdrop banner with 'Suburban Wasteland' glows under the bright lights, the jagged, distressed letters standing out boldly. The crowd erupts into cheers, the sound almost deafening as the band members take their positions.

You let out an excited squeal, bouncing on your toes as the band members appear one by one. Your eyes are wide with joy, a huge grin spreading across your face. You can't contain your enthusiasm, and it's contagious-Kyle looks over at you, his own smile widening at your sheer delight.

The lead singer steps into the spotlight, and the crowd's roar intensifies. He raises his arms, acknowledging the fans, and the energy in the room spikes. The first chords of their opening song crash through the speakers, a powerful wave of sound that sends a thrill down your spine. The music is loud, raw, and everything you've been waiting for.

"Holy shit, holy shit!" you shout, your voice nearly lost in the cacophony. You grab Kyle's arm, squeezing it with excitement, your eyes never leaving the stage. "This is fucking awesome!"

Kyle laughs "I know!"

The lead singer's voice cuts through the music, a powerful, gravelly sound that sends shivers down your spine. The band launches into one of your favourite songs, the familiar melody is instantly recognizable. You sing along at the top of your lungs, your voice mingling with the hundreds of others around you. You scream to the point where you think your voice might give out.

The stage lights dance and flash, casting the band in dramatic silhouettes. The guitarist rips into a solo, his fingers flying over the strings, while the drummer pounds out a relentless rhythm that you can feel in your chest. The entire hall is alive with energy, the music vibrating through the floor and up into your very bones.

You're completely trapped in the moment, every sense heightened by the live performance. The sights, the sounds, the sheer force of the music—it all combines into an overwhelming, euphoric experience. "Kyle, give me your bra, I wanna throw it on stage!" You laugh.

The band's stage presence is magnetic, with each member pouring their heart and soul into the performance. You can see the sweat glistening on their faces, the intensity of their movements, and the passion in every note they play. It's a spectacle, a raw and unfiltered display of talent and emotion.

As the concert surges forward, the energy in the room reaches a fever pitch. The band on stage commands the crowd's attention, each song blending seamlessly into the next. The lights pulse in time with the music, casting the crowd in a spectrum of vibrant colours. 

You look around for someone who seems approachable and spot a friendly-looking girl nearby, dancing with her friends. Tapping her on the shoulder, you flash her a warm smile and hold up your phone. "Excuse me! Would you mind taking a picture of us?"

She beams back at you, her eyes sparkling with the shared thrill of the concert. "Of course! I'd be happy to!"

You hand her your phone and quickly move back to stand beside Kyle. As you position yourselves, you feel the warmth of his arm wrap around your shoulders while yours snakes around his back. The proximity sends a pleasant shiver down your spine, the music and the crowd fading slightly as you focus on the moment. You lean in closer to him, your faces almost touching.

The girl holding your phone steps back, finding the perfect angle. "Alright, ready? One, two, three!"

You flash your best smile, your face lighting up with genuine happiness. Kyle matches your energy, his grin is wide and infectious. The girl snaps a couple of shots, capturing the moment as the stage lights cast a colourful glow around you.

After a few clicks, she hands the phone back to you. "Here you go! I took a few, just to be sure."

"Thank you so much!" you say, glancing at the photos. Each on captures the pure ecstasy on your face, with the stage and the vibrant crowd as a backdrop. You show the pictures to Kyle.

As the concert's energy swirls around you both, Kyle leans in close, his voice a soft murmur against your ear "Can you send me those?" 

You pause, caught off guard by his request. "Uh, yeah, for sure," you reply, trying to keep your voice steady despite the sudden flutter in your chest. You fumble for your phone, fingers slightly unsteady as you pull up the photos you just took together.

While Kyle didn't love the obnoxiously loud music or the people headbanging around you, he liked the smile on your face. 

The concert drives on, each song ending with the beginning of the next. During a brief lull between songs, you feel a tap on your shoulder. Turning around, you see a guy, probably around your age, with a friendly smile. He looks like a younger version of the lead singer, with black shaggy hair, piercings, and dark clothing. 

"Hey, I'm sorry for bothering you but I thought you were really pretty, do you mind if I get your number?" He asks, somewhat sheepishly, his phone in hand. 

You blink, momentarily caught off guard. Before you can respond, Kyle steps closer, his presence immediately noticeable. He places a protective arm around your waist to tug you closer, his expression shifting from relaxed to subtly assertive.

"She's with me," Kyle says, his voice firm but not aggressive. There's an unmistakable note of possessiveness in his tone, narrowing eyes temper it. 

He raises an eyebrow, clearly picking up on the tension. "Oh, sorry, man. Didn't realize," he says, backing off with his hands raised in a gesture of surrender. "No hard feelings."

Kyle watches him disappear into the crowd, his arm still securely around you. The guy fades from vision entirely leaving you and Kyle standing there, the space around you suddenly feeling more intimate.

You turn to look at Kyle, a mix of emotions swirling within you. There's a protectiveness in his eyes that you hadn't seen before, and you shudder slightly under his touch. The concert, the crowd, and the music- all of it fades slightly as you focus on Kyle. Your fave drops as you take in the curve of his jaw and the light dusting of freckles on his face.

You suddenly realize that this protective gesture has stirred something deep within you. The way Kyle stepped in, the warmth of his arm around you, the years you've wasted hating him and the months you've spent trying to make up for it—it all coalesces into a sudden, startling clarity.

The realization is terrifying. You feel your blood run cold like icicles were shooting through your veins.

You move Kyle's arm away from you and take step away, you find yourself needing a breather. "Hey, I'm going to grab some water," you shout to Kyle over the noise. He nods, and you make your way through the throng of concertgoers to a quieter spot near the concession stand.

As you sip your water, Kyle finds you, his face flushed from the heat and excitement of the show. "You okay?" he asks, concern evident in his eyes.

You take a deep breath, trying to sort through your feelings. "Yeah, just needed a break," you say, but the words come out more curtly than you intended. You shift your eyes to look anywhere but him with fear that he might see through you. 

"Are you sure?" His lips downturn the slightest "Are you mad that I got between you and the guy? I'm sorry, I just-

"It's not that," You shake your head. 

Kyle frowns, sensing something off. "Is everything alright? You seem upset."

"No, I'm fine," You take another sip, one hand supporting you on a tabletop "Just- cold."

Without hesitation, Kyle shrugs off his hoodie and holds it out to you. "Here, take this."

Your heart skips a beat at the gesture. The thought of wearing his hoodie, of being enveloped in his warmth and scent, makes your pulse quicken. "Oh, no, that's okay," you stammer, feeling a heat rise to your cheeks. 

He shakes his head "You're cold, I'm not, just take it."

 Seeing no way to refuse without seeming ungrateful or drawing suspicion, you take the hoodie from him. As you pull it over your arms, the fabric is soft and still warm from his body heat, making you feel even more flustered. You catch a faint whiff of his cologne mixed with the scent of the concert, and it's intoxicating.

"Thanks," you mumble, your voice barely above a whisper.

Kyle looks at you, his eyes soft with concern and something else you can't quite place. "You're welcome," he says, his voice warm and comforting. "Better?"

You nod, though your heart is still pounding. "Yeah, much better. Thanks."

.˙꩜°˖:*࿔ ☼ ࿔*:˖°꩜˙.

Bebe's bedroom always smelled good thanks to the forever-burning vanilla bean candle on her bedside table. She has fairy lights strung along the frame of her bed, next to you, Bebe lays on her stomach, absentmindedly kicking her cow-slipper-covered feet in the air while scrolling on her phone. On occasion, she'll look at you to show you something she deems funny.

As you pull Kyle's hoodie tighter around you, you close your eyes for a moment and breathe in deeply. The scent is a mix of his aftershave's subtle, clean and piney smell along with the woody fragrance with hints of cedar and musk that belonged to his body spray.

As you and Bebe lie side by side in the nest of blankets and pillows, the comforting sounds of the rom-com playing in the background, you can't shake the thoughts swirling in your mind. You need to talk about it, to get some clarity. "Bebe?" 

“Yeah?"

"How do you know when you start liking a friend as like- I dunno, not a friend?"

"Like romantically?" She turns to look at you. Her hair had been pushed back with a headband while she covered it in a green face mask, still wet on her skin. 

"Yes," You say, eyebrows drawing together as you stare up at her ceiling. 

"Think about kissing them."

"Okay," You bite the inside of your cheek, picturing the scene in your mind. You imagine Kyle leaning in, his eyes soft and warm, his lips approaching yours. You shake the thought from your head before it travels any further. 

 "Is it okay or do you want to vomit?"

"It's okay."

"Then you like them." 

Your eyes go wide, heat creeping up to your face. You cover your eyes with your palms, slowly dragging your hands down your face and settling over yourself to cover the scream you want to let out.

"Who is it?" Bebe asks, a smile on her face as she puts her phone down and turns her whole attention to you "Tolkien?"

You wrinkle your nose "No."

"Kenny?" She guesses again, narrowing her eyes as she delves deeper into thought.

"Jeez, no."

"Okay, um," She thinks for a moment "It's Red, right?"

"No, it's not Red," You swat her on the arm.

"Kyle."

"No."

"It's Kyle!" Her eyes light up "You like Kyle!" Bebe shouts, her eyes widening as a smile creeps onto her tanned face.

"NO!" You scream, hands gripping the bed so tightly you think for a moment that you might rip it. "AH!" You push yourself off the bed, hands moving to grab your hair as you buckle over and onto the ground.

"Oh my god," Bebe laughs "It's okay."

"It's not okay, it's not!" You cry out, thankful that her parents weren't home to hear you screeching. 

"It's fine, you can't control who you like," She sits up, watching you writhe on the ground.

"This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me!" You grip the bedframe, trying to pull yourself up but suddenly your bones have turned to gummy worms. 

"It's just a crush!" Bebe retorts, trying to calm your nerves.

"I DON'T LIKE HIM," You're unsure whether you're trying to convince yourself or Bebe, likely the former. 

"You are clinging to his hoodie like a lifeline."

"NO!" You scream yanking the hoodie off as you do so, you remove it with so much hazard that you stumble around and collapse back to the ground, throwing his hoodie as far away from you as you can get it. "I CAN'T DO THIS!" 

"It's okay," Bebe puts her hands out eyes going wide as she takes in your mini-meltdown.

You take a long and deep breath, trying to sort out the thousand of thoughts shooting through your head "Bebe, I need you to do something for me."

"Yeah?"

"I need you to go into the shed, grab your dad's shotgun, and shoot me in the head."

"Oh my god," She rolls her eyes "I'm not shooting you."

"PLEASE!" You clasp your hands together.

"Jesus Christ," She mutters "No."

"Ugh!" You reach to grab your hair, biting the inside of your mouth in frustration. "I'm going to kill you!" You cry out "I'm going to kill myself!"

"It's fine-

"It's not-

"Do you want me to call Wendy?"

"NO!"

"Be quiet," She says "My neighbours are gonna think I'm putting you through a saw trap."

"What's wrong with me? OH MY GOD!" You frantically pace back and forth around her bedroom, trying to get a grasp on yourself but every time peace even lingers close and you reach for it, it's gone again.

"Hey, calm down!" Bebe finally gets a word in, standing up to stop your frantic pacing. "You're overthinking this."

"I just got this good thing and I'm going to ruin it!"

"You won't ruin it-

"You don't know that!"

Bebe steps in front of you, grabbing your shoulders to make you stop and look at her. "You need to relax. It's not that serious, okay?"

"IT IS THAT SERIOUS-

"CALM DOWN!" She shouts, shaking you by the shoulders "WE'LL FUCKING FIGURE IT OUT!"

You take a deep, shaky breath "Okay."

"Okay?"

You sit on the edge of her bed, hands clasped together so tightly that your fingernails dig into your skin. Your eyes are wide and focused on the flickering candle next to Bebe's bed. You didn't think you would ever be here, trying to cope with the fact that you did in fact have a crush on Kyle. "Bebe, he likes nice girls, remember Adriene? She was so nice."

"You are-" She searches her brain for the right words "Driven, and fierce, and assertive, and ambitious-

"You just used four synonyms for competitive," You point out.

"And that's not a bad thing,"  She gives you a little pat on the thigh "He obviously likes you because you challenge him."

"He doesn't like me."

"Erm, I think he does if you he bought, you concert tickets, gave you his hoodie, and is just super fucking whipped in general."

"I want to die," You groan. "This feels awful."

"Let's make a pros and cons," Bebe digs around under her bed until she pulls out an old whiteboard and a pink dry-erase marker "Okay, so pros?"

"He smells good," You say, almost immediately.

"Okay," Bebe nods, marking it down "What else?"

"Um," You pause to think about it "He's really nice, and he's super clean, er- he's nice to my brother and his."

"Good with kids," Bebe mutters as she jots it down. "Keep going."

"He's smart and athletic," You mutter, thinking back to the track meet "He buys me green Powerade." The pleasant little moments between you are overshadowed by the horror of your feelings, and you're back to being mortified once more "I have a camping trip with his family next week! I can't do this!"

"Yes you can," She urges.

Abruptly your phone rings in your pocket, you read the contact and your heart stops beating "EW, EW, EW! HE'S CALLING ME!" You throw your phone away from you.

"What are you doing? Answer it, you idiot!" Bebe reaches past you to grab it.

"I can't, I can't!" You push it away but Bebe has already hit accept.

"Hello?" You hear Kyle's voice through the other end.

"Hey!" Bebe smiles, hitting you to take it from her.

"Bebe?"

"ONE SEC," She hits mute quickly. "What the fuck are you doing? You like him," She reminds you "Just take the damn phone!" 

"No-

"Yes!" 

"Please don't," You whine.

"TAKE THE FUCKING PHONE!" She yells shoving it into your hand and unmuting it.

"Hey, Kyle," You awkwardly draw out his name, posture stiffening.

"Hey," He says, you can hear the smile in his voice "I'm at the thrift store right now and they have a Weezer t-shirt." In the background, you can vaguely hear Stan and Kenny bicker.

Silence stretches between you as your mind draws a blank, Bebe stares at you expectantly, urging you to do something. "Ooh-wee-hoo, I look just like Buddy Holly. Oh-oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore," You sing in a flat, and unpleasant voice. It's uncomfortable for all three people who heard it. 

"Are you singing Buddy Holly?"

"Uh, yup."

"Okay, well, do you want the shirt-

"Kyle, man," You cut him off unintentionally "Bebe's dog is being put down so I really need to jet. She's just a wreck right now, I think she might hurt herself. Um, but, yeah, I'll see ya later," You hang up before he can argue, flinging the phone.

Bebe stares at you with her mouth agape and a long stillness hangs between you like birds on a wire "Why did you say that!?" 

"I don't know!" You bury your head into your hands "What do I do?"

A/N: shorter chapter than usual because the next ones gonna be looong. Felt like a good moment to have on the tenth chapter 🧌

[parageist]

oh boy

1. yes very much fortunately

2. my family when we opened presents together

3. yes i am a normal human who experiences many emotions, one such being regret. a lot

4. no YOUR insecure!! haha….:ha…

5. single i guess?

6. either when i’m a crusty decaying grandma in my sleep or like sacrificing myself for something action movie hero girl style

7. candy cane

8. yea, lacrosse when i was in 7th grade. you’ll never guess what my number was (hint: it’s 69)

9. yea

10. i don’t think i’ve ever had a physical fight with someone but i have had verbal arguments that made my blood boil to the point where i wanted to punch someone but i’ve never punched someone or been punched

11. kinda

12. i don’t think so

13. there’s always someone evil out there to hate

14. yes

15. yes a cat and dog but our dog has some behavioral issues so we won’t be able to keep her here for long :(

16. tired. stayed up until 4 am watching kwite videos and having an anxious doom spiral and then got like 4 hours of asleep. but hey i got some cool gifts for crimmy.

17. no that sounds disgusting

18. only if they crawl on me without me knowing or they like jumpscare me but once i notice them and realize what’s going on i’m chill. carry on little guy.

19. maybe

20. their house

21. eat, sleep, yiik, repeat😎

22. only if i could somehow dedicate 100% of my time to caring for them

23. nope

24. science. i also really like art but i never got the best grades in it because the grading system for art is stupid. fuck you

25. yes

26. sleep

27. yeah. unintentionally (if that even makes a difference)

28. nope

29. yea

30. i could go on for hours about everything wrong with the world but right now im grumpy because my eyes are super dry. one of the side effects of vyvanse and sertraline (medications i take) is making your eyes really dry for some reason. it also doesn’t help that im on screens a lot. also doesn’t help my crippling medical anxiety about my vision lmao

31. my family, pets, and friends

32. ourple

33. no but i have anxiety that makes me constantly afraid people are gonna backstab me

34. i don’t remember the one i had last night but a couple nights ago i had one where it was like this sci fi drama about this astronaut living alone on an asteroid and he finds this weird crater with a bunch of junk in it, such as this mysterious egg-shaped backpack. then i was with my friend in the woods but my dog was also with us and she kept shitting in front of random people in the forest. then me and the same friend were playing some ttrpg based on the sci-fi drama mentioned above but all the minis were these weird multicolored lego trains from the 60s

35. my mom and sister

36. yeah

37. forgive obviously.

38. probably, but a lot of my pre-2020 years were great as well, though that’s just because i was young and things seemed easier lmao

39. 14

40. nope

51. wait what the fuck why does it skip al the way to fifty one. Screw You?! jk… uhhhh i guess pizza or ramen or something

52. i mean technically yes. things don’t just spontaneously happen out of thin air. but i don’t believe that things happen for a future reason. like, a building falls over because it’s affected by gravity, but it’s not like it falls over because it wants to crush anyone inside it. i may also be confused about the difference between cause and reason. everything has a cause but only decision making creatures do stuff for specific reasons

53. be anxious over my own thoughts for like an hour before eventually succumbing to sleep deprivation

54. in what context? cheating as like in a relationship? cheating in a game? cheating in life?

55. i eat babies and kick puppies😈jk i don’t bite. im just Silly

56. 0… unless you count the imaginary people im arguing with in my head constantly. i am a veteran in mental fisticuffs

57. don’t gatekeep peoples love for not being “true” enough but also i think sometimes people fake their love for some reason

58. thunderstorms and windstorms are always the coolest, but rain and snow are the most calm and relaxing to me.

59. yes. the way it silently falls upon the land, turning everything into a blank white, absorbing sound and heat itself. it’s super disco 😎

60. maybe for the legal benefits but idk

61. yes

62. a lot of things :3

63. already did 🏳️‍⚧️

64. unconsensually? then yeah that wouldn’t just be hard, it would be impossible. but im also not just gonna ask people im not dating to kiss them. unless i know they’d be okay with it

65. im bisexual. this question means nothing to me. 😎

66. wtf is this whole “opposite sex” thing. my tumblrinas are of all genders and im constantly saying the most mentally unwell things and they still follow me so yeah :)

67. my dad??? but if you mean talk as in like, casual, non family talk, then uhhh idk. i don’t really know the genders of a lot of my friends i just see them all as being Fellas

68. myself😁

69. the hopeless romantic, childish part of me wants to. but idk. perfection doesn’t exist

70. my parents and sister. or like if my death would save multiple random people

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you�� to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[shurisneakers]

harmless (iv)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, guns, mention of war, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader

Word count: 1.5k

A/N: good evening i’ve never been to any of the places i mention in this series so dont come @ me

if you have any ideas for future inventions/evil plans, lemme know! i might actually end up using them 

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Series Masterlist

He spends the weekend doing nothing. It’s supposed to be relaxing. He finds it nauseatingly boring.

“No mini mission this week?” Steve asks him from across the couch. 

They’re supposed to be catching up on Star Wars but two prequels in and Bucky could feel himself lose his sanity. Anyone could present him with a random assortment of alphabets, call it a Star Wars species and he would have no reason not to believe them.

It’s not like he doesn’t like space. It’s just that he’s had enough of it and everything and everyone who came from it for the foreseeable future.

“No. Someone else is taking care of it.”

“Didn’t you volunteer for this?”

“I pulled myself out of the case.”

“I thought you were having fun.” 

Bucky’s head slowly turns to look at him. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know,” Steve shrugged. “Looked like you were.”

Well, he wasn’t. He likes it here at home, glued to the TV. Popcorn beside him, sweatpants on. Refreshing, calming, slow, mundane, and Jesus Christ, so fucking boring-

His spiralling is interrupted by the dinging of the elevator to the common floor. No one was allowed up there unless it was extremely urgent. Guests were barely allowed into the Tower as it was. 

It reveals the receptionist from downstairs, Marie. She’s always a little reserved, a little shy. But Bucky had seen her chew and spit out trespassers or anyone who dared to get on her nerve. He adores her.

“Hey, Marie,” Steve says while Bucky sends her a friendly wave in greeting. “What’s wrong?”

“There’s a hostage situation downtown,” she informs them. 

“Okay...” Steve drawls, waiting for a reason why this was an Avengers level threat.

“They’ve asked for Mr. Barnes by name.” She makes a mention towards him.

Bucky sits up straight. Bits of popcorn fall off his chest. 

“What?”

“They said, and I quote-” she looks down at her notepad. “‘Tell that grumpy motherfucker that I’m waiting for him and that he’s not getting out of this so easily because we have come too far.’ End quote. They’ve also told me to include a kissing emoji. And a skull.”

Steve and he look at each other.

“Well?” Steve prods. 

Bucky sighs and gets up to go get ready.

The entrance of Chuck E. Cheese is more crowded than he’d ever seen. He wasn’t even sure he’d seen people in the store before. If there were, they probably only came up till his waist. 

There are a few journalists, a few policemen standing together outside. Whispers of confusion and curiosity reigned free. 

Bucky gently pushes his way to the front. He gets a nod from a police officer who opens the door for him after a quick briefing. 

The place is darker than it usually would be. A trademark, it seemed. The blinds are drawn shut and most of the light is coming through whatever sneaks in through the crack. 

“Hey, Barnes.” Your voice is muffled by a mask that looks suspiciously like it was made out of classroom craft supplies.

There’s a person in a loose chokehold in your hand with a gun pressed against his head. Once again it looks straight out of a cartoon, purple with round disks lining its barrel. 

“What’s all this now?” He gestures around monotonously. 

“A hostage situation. Didn’t you get the memo?”

“Got that part down, genius,” he bites back. “But why?”

“Fucker kept harassing me when I was walkin’ down the street.” 

The guy’s helpless gaze met Bucky. 

“Catcalling me, stalking me.” You tighten the grip you have on him. “Call me darlin’ one more time, you son of a bitch. I dare you.”

He wasn’t impressed with his pleading eyes. He kinda felt like he deserved it. 

“Why’d you do it here?” The bright colours were starting to give him a heading. “And where are the staff?”

“It’s symbolic, Bucky,” you emphasise, “He deserves to be among other rat bastards.”

Of course.

“The staff?” he asks again. 

“Gave them thirty bucks and told them to leave. I’m not a monster.”

“Right.” He doesn’t bother refuting you. “Why’d you call me here?”

“Dunno.” You shrug. “Thought it’d be fun. You having fun yet?”

You shake the guy you’re holding. He gives a small whimper. 

Bucky doesn’t want to stop you. He had chugged enough Respect Juice in his lifetime to know that this guy probably deserved a threat or two.

Hell, he’d even help but you were more than capable of handling this on your own.

“Listen,” he sighed. “As much as I’m sure he deserves it, this is technically illegal and I’m required to stop you.”

“Sorry sarge, I thought you weren’t interested in playing this stupid game with me,” you mock, voice dropping to imitate him.

“I’m not.” It wasn’t entirely true. One Saturday with Jar Jar Binks had convinced him otherwise.

“Okay, so before you leave, do me a favour and call Hawkeye. I hear he looks mighty fine when he’s annoyed.”

His face involuntarily scrunched up. You were going to replace him with Clint? Clint?

He probably took it more as an insult than he should have.

“I’m not doing that.” Bless his foul mouthed friend, but he was a little shit who was too sarcastic for his own good. At least twice a week he’d say something stupid to Bucky and then take out his hearing aids when he tried to argue back. 

“You’re leavin’ me with no options here,” you groaned, using your thumb to flip a switch. The gun looks like it powered up, lights along the side turning red.

If he let you have this, it’d be a bad look for the Avengers.

New York man dies in Chuck E. Cheese lone hostage situation, unable to be saved by same superhero who tried to fight Thanos with a machine gun.

“Tell ya what,” he says instead, “If you kill him, there won’t even be a slight chance that you’ll see me again.”

Your grip on the gun falters.

“If I let him go...”

“I might consider coming back next week.” He’s trying to spin it, make it look like he’s the one with the upper hand here. “But you gotta let him go.”

You search his face for any signs of dishonesty.

“Let him go or you’ll never see me again.” It sounds too much like Clint’s arguments with his dog who brought a live squirrel into the house. 

“Fine,” you relent, a glint in your eye. “but say goodbye to this fuckface.”

Before Bucky can open his mouth to shout in protest, you pull the trigger. The man clenches his eyes shut, face red.

He expects blood to be splatter across his face.

Nothing happens.

A barrage of bubbles floats into the room.

“I meant it literally,” you say, pushing him off you. “Say goodbye. He’s leaving.”

The man stumbles to the ground and Bucky doesn’t make any attempt to catch him. He scrambles to his knees, picking himself up and scurrying out the door to a hoard of reporters.

The door shuts behind him with the chime of a bell.

“You’re annoying,” Bucky states, giving a small sigh.

“I’m well aware of that.” You pull off the mask, wiping the sweat off your brow.

“Where is the agent assigned to your case?” 

“Dunno. Last I saw he was crying on the driveway of my lair. I just figured he’d pick himself up later so I left him there.”

Bucky’s nose twitches. 

“You weren’t actually going to kill him, were you.” He shrugs with his shoulder towards the door. It wasn’t a question, more a statement. He knew you wouldn’t. 

“I could have.”

“But you weren’t going to,” he repeats. 

“No,” you admit. “I wasn’t. But I’m glad to see you showed up.”

“You held someone hostage as leverage.”

“No, no. I held someone hostage and then asked to see you. They were completely unrelated.”

“You’re evil.”

“You jumped to conclusions,” you point out. “Would you like a trampoline next time? Maybe a pogo stick, you clown?”

He has a very real gun in his holster. His very real metal death arm aches to use it. 

“No one else agreed to come,” he deflects. 

“We both know that’s a lie. You were going to come back anyway.” You stuff the bubble gun back into the bag. “I’m deliciously irresistible.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Then beg.” You give him a smirk and he rolls his eyes. “Don’t worry, you win this round, sarge.”

He doesn’t say anything. He watches you remove your heist gear, revealing normal civilian clothes underneath.

You walk casually to the kitchen, intending to leave through the back door.

“But I can’t say I lost either.” You send him a wink before swiftly pushing open the door and leaving him behind.

He only watches you leave.

It doesn’t hit him until a few seconds later that he let a criminal out of his hands when there were several policemen and journalists outside.

He entertains the idea of chasing you down and handing you over. 

It takes him only a few seconds to decide that if they wanted you, they’d have to try themselves.

Next part 

[starshine583]

New Girl on the Block (23)

(Welp, y’all, this is it. This is the last, pre-written chapter that I have written. From here on out we’re gonna have to rely strictly on my writing consistency and... I’m so sorry for that lol Because CLEARLY, if we’re on the last pre-written chapter, after having posted, like, three over the last month, we know that this isn’t gonna be good. BUT! I do have THIS chapter to give you! So please enjoy! And don’t forget to check out the mini series connected to this called Journal Entries!)

Ch.1 / Ch.22 / Ch.24 (ao3)

Chapter 23: How the Cards Fall

Marinette stared in horror at her former classmates, violently kicking herself for being so reckless. How could she forget that this was one of Alya and Nino’s favorite food carts too? She used to eat there with them all the time! She should have known better than to pick this place! Actually, she shouldn’t have picked anywhere to eat at all! Going to a place she used to enjoy meant going to a place where she used to hang out with her old friends, which meant eventually running into them, which meant- well - this! Oh, how could she be so stupid?

Maybe it won’t be so bad, she reasoned with herself before she could start hyperventilating. Maybe they’ll just roll their eyes and leave instead of making a scene.

But Alya was never one to back down from a (accidental) challenge. As soon as she realized her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her, a scowl etched itself onto her lips, and she started stomping in Marinette’s direction.

“It is you!” The red-head scoffed. “Oh, when I get my hands on you-”

Marinette flinched back, officially throwing breathing out the window. She looked at her current classmates and wondered what they would do if she ran, what they would think. Would they follow her or would they stay and talk with Alya? What if they started asking questions that Marinette couldn’t answer? What if Alya answered the questions before she could? Would they believe her? Was she going to have to find a new school again? What if Lila’s lies followed her there too? What if she never escaped Lila’s claims?

Suddenly, not breathing turned into breathing too fast, but before she could spiral further than gasping, a shadow passed over her. 

It was Allan and Claude, coming to stand in front of her as a defense.

“Hey, woah!” Claude said, holding up his hands in a calming gesture. “Why don’t you back off a bit and tell us what’s got you so upset?”

A hand touched her shoulder lightly, and Marinette’s gaze snapped to Felix, who was now standing next to her. He met her eyes with a subtle raise of the eyebrows, and she knew what it meant. 

“Are you alright?”

Marinette drew in a deep breath to steady herself and nodded, even though her insides felt like they were turning outwards at this point. Felix must have seen through her fib because his hand stayed on her shoulder as he looked back at Alya. His eyebrows were furrowed, which could be from his concern, but Marinette also knew curiosity when she saw it. He wants to know who these people are, and why they’re angry with her. And after everything she’s told him about her old school, he might be able to figure it out.

Alya briefly paused at the boys’ blockade, before raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms. 

“So is this who you’re hiding behind now?” She asked, unimpressed. “Are these the new people you’ve managed to dupe?”

 Marinette tensed, and Felix’s grip tightened on her shoulder. Whether that was a sign of support or his disgruntlement, she wasn’t sure.

“Are we supposed to know what that means?” Allegra, who had also come to stand next to Marinette, drawled.

“No.” Alya said. “Not yet, anyway. This one likes to wait until you’re in pretty deep before springing her trap.”

Marinette bit her lip, indignation rising in her chest. She didn’t deserve this. She hasn’t done anything wrong!

“Alya, that’s enough-” She tried to say, but Alya cut her off.

“I wasn’t talking to you.” The red-head snapped. “You don’t get to have a say anymore, not unless you’re willing to admit what you’ve done, what you really are.”

“Alya, come on.” Nino, who finally decided to join the conversation, coaxed. “L-Let’s just go. It’s not worth fighting over.”

Marinette might have been grateful had he not backed down right after when Alya shot him a glare. 

“I’m going to assume you guys are her new classmates and friends.” Alya continued. “So let me tell you, as a former classmate and best friend, that this girl,” she pointed her finger accusingly at Marinette, “is a fraud.”

“That’s not true!” Marinette couldn’t help shouting.

Alya ignored her. “She makes herself look sweet and innocent by making you croissants or cookies and bringing you handmade gifts, but it’s all an act. All she really wants is the attention that the gifts bring, and when she doesn’t get it, she goes ballistic. I used to think she was the best thing in the world until a foreign exchange student came along and became more popular. Then she started stealing that person’s homework and ripping it up, or throwing her textbooks in the trash, or even tripping her down flights of stairs. One time we even caught her stealing personal items!”

“I didn’t do any of that!” Marinette insisted, more so to her friends than to Alya. “I told you she framed me!”

Alya scoffed. “You can’t even deny it anymore! Lila has all of the rude texts you’ve sent her, there were multiple witnesses to the tattered homework that was on your desk- myself included -and we all saw her take her family heirloom out of your locker.”

“That wasn’t a family heirloom! She literally bought that in a store two months before and then put it in my locker to frame me!”

Alya rolled her eyes and turned back to Claude and Allan. “Obviously, she’s going to make up whatever excuse she can to keep you from listening to me, but I advise you to dump her now while you can. She’ll make your life a living nightmare if she thinks you’re better than her somehow, though at this point,” Alya shot Marinette another scalding glare, “we all are.”

Tears burned in the corner of Marinette’s eyes, but before she could further argue her innocence, Claude spoke up.

“Ok, so what proof do you have of this?”

It was something she’d expected Felix to ask, honestly, and it left her staring at the brunette in shock. He was.. asking questions. The right questions. He wasn’t taking Alya’s words as gospel the way everyone else at Dupont had done with Lila’s words.

Alya frowned. “I already told you-”

“No, I don’t care about what you’ve said.” Claude interrupted. “You’re a stranger I just met, and Marinette is a good friend that I’ve known for a wonderful month and a half. I’m going to need more than your word.”

Alya narrowed her eyes at him, debating.

“Alright, fine. I’ll bring Lila here as a first hand account. She has the texts saved on her phone. As for the homework and such, those have already been replaced and done away with, but I do have the class president binder where several important forms are missing from Marinette burning them instead of giving them to Lila after leaving.”

Marinette had to bite her tongue to avoid laughing despite herself. Lila said that she burned some of the class papers? What would make her lie about something like that? Was it to get out of the work? Oh, boy, was that going to come back to bite her. She probably had to resign all of the ‘missing’ paperwork! Oh, this is the greatest thing Marinette’s ever heard. Hopefully, she said she lost a lot.

“Do you have the burnt papers?” Allan asked. 

“No, of course not-”

“So, let me see if I’ve got this right,” Allegra said, her voice edging on annoyance, “we’re supposed to believe the account of a foreign exchange student, who we also don’t know, and who, apparently, brought out the worst in Marinette by herself even though no one had ever done so before, and the only actual proof you have, other than that girl’s word, is a series of texts that can easily be altered and a binder with some missing pages that ‘Lila’ could have misplaced or even burned herself. Is that correct?”

Alya scoffed. “You’re making it sound ridiculous.”

“No, I’m repeating what you’ve said to us, which is ridiculous.”

“She’s done other things too!” Alya insisted. “Just the other day she met up with one of my other friends and tried to persuade them into her clutches again, even though she had already transferred schools. Look-”

Alya pulled out her phone, and for once, Marinette looked on with interest as well. Lila making up a lie like that meant someone had to be going against her now, right? So who was it? Did someone mention Marinette’s name in an argument, and now Lila’s latching onto that as an advantage?

After a minute of searching, Alya flipped her phone around for them to see her screen, and the picture displayed on it made Marinette’s stomach drop.

“Woah, is that Adrien Agreste?”

The group, aside from Felix, leaned forward to see the picture better, but Marinette found herself leaning back, the blood draining from her features. That was a picture of her and Adrien at the café last Friday, but- but how did- when could they have possibly-

“Where did you get that?” She blurted out before she could stop herself.

Alya fixed her with a smug grin. “Look familiar? Lila took this while you and Adrien were having lunch last week. I’d been wondering why he was asking her so many questions about her stories, but now it all makes sense. You’ve been secretly coaxing him to your side again, and poor Adrien couldn’t resist.  Even when I called him about the picture, he said he just wanted to be your friend again. I guess he always did see the best in everyone, though.”

Marinette felt sick to her stomach. How long was Lila with them in that café and Marinette didn’t even know it? How much did she overhear as Marinette blabbered on and on to Adrien about her current life? Did she know about Marinette attending Rosemary? Did she tell Alya about her attending Rosemary? How many people did she send that picture to?

She clutched for Felix’s hand on her shoulder, suddenly not trusting herself to stand, and he quickly put his other hand on top of hers. The comfort of his touch was appreciated, but not enough.

A burst of laughter cut into Marinette’s panic, and she turned to Claude who was all but rolling on the grass. He clutched his sides as he howled and even went as far as to wipe tears from his eyes. 

“Wait a minute, wait a minute..” the brunette wheezed. “So you’re telling me, that Adrien Agreste, the fashion icon and heart throb of Paris, was in your class, but Marinette only started acting out after the foreign exchange student showed up? No offense to you, Mari, but I’m pretty sure a rich, young model would have been way more popular. How come she didn’t sabotage him?”

Alya faltered for a moment, not quite expecting the question and certainly not the laughter. “W-Well- I mean- she did have a major crush on him. Maybe she didn’t care that he was more popular than her because she liked him so much.”

Marinette felt her cheeks heat up out of embarrassment, but thankfully, no one touched on that subject. Instead, Allegra hummed and said, “Okay, fine. Assuming that’s true, what made Lila so popular?”

“Plenty of things.” Alya stated matter-of-factly. “She’s helped Prince Ali organize several charities, made petitions to save endangered animal preserves, is best friends with Ladybug-”

Marinette didn’t resist her eye roll.

“-and even saved Jagged stone’s kitten!”

Marinette glanced at Claude, who immediately deadpanned a “what”. She knew that if anyone was going to pick up the last line, it would be him.

“Jagged Stone never owned a kitten.” Claude said. “He’s allergic.”

“It was before he knew he was allergic.”

“He’s still never owned a kitten!” Claude exclaimed with a flail of his arms. “He’s only ever owned a crocodile! That’s been said in multiple interviews!”

“But-”

“And if we want to bring up charities, Prince Ali doesn’t organize any charities. He only donates to them.” Allegra pointed out.

“I-”

“And petitions to protect endangered animal preserves?” Allan echoed. “Those don’t need protection. They are set in stone by law.”

“I’m sure-”

“Look, you’ve clearly been given false information.” Claude said, crossing his arms, “and because you were dumb enough to believe the real attention-seeker, you’ve lost an amazing friend. Now I suggest you leave us alone before I report you to the authorities for harassment.”

Alya’s face twisted with rage. “Harrass- you know what? Whatever. I’ve done my part. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when she starts ruining your life out of jealousy.”

Marinette caught a glimpse of Claude clenching his fists, and Allan put a hand on the brunette’s shoulder to steady him.

“We won’t. Have a nice day.”

Alya huffed and stormed off, dragging Nino with her. He glanced over his shoulder to give Marinette an apologetic look, but she didn’t meet his gaze. Instead she crossed her arms over her chest and blew out a sigh. That.. could have gone worse.. she supposed.

“Marinette.”

Marinette’s fingers dug into her skin, and she hesitantly looked up at Felix. His hand had loosened on her shoulder, and he was staring at her with an unreadable expression. What was he thinking right now? Was he angry? Disappointed? Confused about why she didn’t tell him about her lunch date with Adrien? She wished he would give her a clue of some kind.

“Are you alright?” He asked softly. “You’re shaking.”

Marinette blinked, pulling her hands away from her body. She was shaking? How did she not notice?

“Oh, and you look so pale!” Allegra cried, wrapping her arms around Marinette’s shoulders. “Should we take you home?”

Marinette grabbed Allegra’s arm and forced a small smile as she shook her head. “No, no, I’m.. I..”

She wanted to say that she was fine, that they could continue having lunch as usual, but a lump in her throat made it hard to get the words out. Next thing she knew, tears were spilling down her cheeks, and she was putting her hand over her mouth to choke down a sob. 

All this time.. All this time she’d been keeping her past a secret from them, scared that they might take Lila’s side like everyone else, yet here they were, holding her close and offering her hushed condolences. They were giving her the very support she’d been afraid of losing, and now she was ashamed that she’d ever been afraid at all. 

“I’m so sorry!” She nearly sobbed.

Allegra pulled her closer. “No, don’t say that! There’s nothing you need to be apologizing for!”

Claude and Allan rushed to wrap their arms around her as well, and Felix slid his hand down to rub her back. This, of course, only made her cry harder, because they were being so gentle with her, so kind. How could she have ever doubted them?

“Why don’t we go back to the house?” Claude suggested gently. “Mom and Dad won’t be back yet so we can give you a minute to recover.”

“And Felix makes the best honeysuckle tea.” Allegra adds. “It’ll cure any pain those idiots caused.”

Marinette sniffed and gave a little nod. People were starting to stare at them anyway, and at this point, she’d lost her appetite.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, whatever you need.” Allegra said as she led Marinette back to the car. 

Marinette took the handkerchief Felix offered her and dried some of her tears, then gave him a small, grateful smile. He hadn’t spoken much during the altercation, but the way he quietly hovered around her and held her hand when she needed it said enough, especially since she knew he didn’t appreciate being touched. 

It’s funny. Whenever she used to think about them finding out about Lila- because, surely, it would have to happen eventually -she always assumed she would feel anxious or paranoid afterwards. “What if they didn’t believe her? What if they constantly doubted her actions now? What if she constantly doubted their actions? Would they ever be able to trust each other fully again?” But as she got into the limo and sat down, and everyone crowded around her to show their love and support over the awful things Lila had said, all Marinette felt was safe.

~~~~~~

Felix leaned his back against the peppered countertop and crossed his arms, his finger tapping against his bicep with impatience. The iron tea kettle sat on the stove next to him, slowly heating and steeping the honeysuckle tea that he’d been requested to make. Usually, it took no time at all for the kettle to whistle, but today, it felt like he’d been standing there for an eternity. 

He glanced at the digital clock on the microwave to see how long he’d been waiting, and the numbers 12:45 blinked across it. 

12:45pm.. That meant he’d been in the kitchen for about.. 

Two minutes. 

Felix sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his gaze sliding to the kitchen doorway. Marinette was sitting in the living room with the others just outside of it, with her and Allegra on one three-cushioned-couch, and Claude and Allan on the other one across from them. She seemed to be having a decent time, chatting and laughing with everyone, but that didn’t ease Felix’s mind any, not after what he saw in the park.

He’ll admit to being curious when the fight first started. Rosemary is known for its hair-pulling, arm-biting brawls, but they’re also known to remain dignified despite them. For example, the brawls are almost always private, which is why, when someone called out to Marinette in such a harsh and open manner, Felix couldn’t help being intrigued.

When he saw how Marinette reacted, however, his stance on the situation dramatically changed.

In the month and a half that he’s known her, Marinette has faced down high-class celebrities, an overwhelming amount of clothing requests from Claude, and an actual akuma, and not once has Felix seen her so much as flinch. Not until today, that is, when that red-head somehow shook her to her core. Just the sight of her sent Marinette into hysterics, crying, shaking, her face becoming white as a sheet- he’s quite certain she almost hyperventilated at some point too. This strong girl that he’d grown to admire, that he was starting to believe could face anything unscathed, had crumbled to pieces in mere seconds, and it honestly frightened him. He wasn’t sure what to do or how to help. So he simply grabbed her shoulder, hoping she would understand what he was trying to say- that he was there for her, and was she alright? 

She understood him, thankfully, and her shoulders started to loosen a bit under his gaze.

But then that red-head started talking.

She spat out the most ridiculous accusations Felix had ever heard, accusations stating that Marinette was a liar and a fake, that she only ever did things for attention. Even if the part about wanting attention was true- which it wasn’t -why would it matter? She does incredible things simply because people ask her to. Why shouldn’t she get any attention for it? 

As annoying as the last claim was, though, it wasn’t nearly as infuriating as the rest of the things that girl said. She told them she was Marinette’s former best friend, yet she cast the ravenette aside at the drop of a hat simply because an exchange student with a rusted silver tongue told her to do so. Honestly, who would be dumb enough to believe that some foreign student was best friends with one of the Parisian superheroes? Or that a highschooler actually got to organize charity events? The most she would be able to do at her age was greet people as they walked inside. 

Felix wasn’t even going to think about the Jagged Stone claim, since Claude already made it quite clear that that was another lie, but really, who goes into a new school spreading the most impossibly grand lies they can? More importantly, how did those lies manage to stick? Was everyone at Dupont a complete moron?

No.. No, that wasn’t it. No one was that stupid, surely. They all probably wanted to believe Lila. That’s why they pounced on Marinette the way they did. They were looking for an excuse to go after her the entire time. 

Felix clenched his fist and turned to the kettle again, watching the steam rise from the spout. It’s no wonder she became so worried when saw Adrien Agreste at Rosemary. After her crush on him and the lies, Felix wouldn’t want to see his former classmates either.

...Speaking of Agreste, what was that picture about? Felix doubted Marinette was trying to ‘persuade him to her side’ as that red-head had said, but her reaction to it was extremely strong nonetheless. Why were they in a café together? It sounded like she met up with him only last week, but she’d told Felix a couple weeks ago that she didn’t want to see him. Why would she put herself through that? And why did she grip his hand so hard when she saw the picture?

The shrill whistle of the tea kettle broke into his thoughts, and Felix jumped to move it off of the burner. Once it was set aside properly, he turned the stove off and began setting out the mugs to fill them. They weren’t as delicate or pristine as the tea sets his father owned, but they would do nicely for the time being. Besides, if Marinette had a one-of-a-kind glass teacup, she might fret about breaking it instead of enjoying the tea.

Felix filled the mugs and put them on a tray, along with some sugars, milk, and honey, then picked up the tray to bring it into the living room. A round of delighted cheers filled the room as he entered, and Claude eagerly bounced up from the couch to grab his mug. Felix moved the tray out of his reach, though, not wanting to offset the balance and spill everything.

“Sorry it took so long.” Felix said as he set the tray on the table. “The tea is fresh so I brought in ice cubes to cool it off if you want them. If not, make sure to blow on it before drinking or you’ll burn your tongue.”

“Yeah, yeah, we know the drill.” Claude remarked as he reached for his mug again.

Felix rolled his eyes. “That was for Marinette’s benefit, not yours.”

“I’m sure Mari knows how to drink hot tea.” Claude retorted.

“But I appreciate the advice anyway.” Marinette spoke up with a smile.

Felix glanced at her as he handed her a pink mug, trying not to look at the puffed up red spots under her eyes. Her tears had long since disappeared, but the remnants of them still remained, including the trails on her cheeks that the tears had run down.

“You’re going to love this, Marinette.” Allegra chirped, thankfully taking the girl’s focus. “This tea literally tastes like honey. I doubt you’ll even need any sugar!”

“Yeah, but I’m gonna.” Claude smirked, already shoveling a spoonful of sugar into his tea. “Unsweet tea was never my style.”

“I swear you are gonna die from diabetes one day.” Allan muttered while taking a sip of his tea. 

“And it will totally be worth it.” Claude replied.

Marinette and the others laughed, which helped Felix relax a tad as he sat next to Allan. If Marinette was laughing again, maybe that meant she was feeling better.

The ravenette’s lips hovered over the mug for a solid minute as she blew on the pale, celadon liquid, and when she finally decided to take a drink, Felix found himself staring. Did she like it? Was it too strong? Should he go make something else for her?

“Oh, this is amazing!” Marinette gasped, her eyes lighting up.

Felix smiled, relieved. “I’m glad you think so. I like to add a few drops of honey and a sprinkle of sugar every now and then because it brings out the flavor, but that’s just a personal preference.”

“The tea is incredible already, but I’ll try your style anyway.” She said, reaching for the sugar. Claude pushed it towards her, while Allegra gave her the honey, and once Marinette dumped the extra ingredients into her mug, she took a spoon from a tray to stir them.

She took another sip of the tea, and this time, she sank into the couch with a contented sigh.

“Wow. That is so good, especially with how warm it is! I feel like I’ve just been wrapped up in the most comfortable blanket ever.”

The trio shared a laugh, and Marinette sat up with another giggle herself, but to Felix’s disappointment, the smiles didn’t last. 

Marinette set her mug on her lap and let out a sigh, a bashful smile replacing her giddy one. She kept her gaze on her cup as she said, “So, I guess… I should explain myself?”

The group exchanged glances, and Allegra frowned.

“What’s there to explain?” Allan was the first to ask.

Marinette looked up. “Well- Y-You know.. The reasons why Alya was so angry with me. How everything happened at my old school.”

“Again, what’s there to explain?” Claude said. “It’s obvious what happened. This ‘Lila’ person spread rumors about you around the school, and for some reason, your classmates were dumb enough to believe it. End of story.”

For once, Felix agreed with him.

“.. Not quite.” Marinette admitted, causing Felix to furrow his eyebrows. How much more to the story could there possibly be? Don’t tell him it got worse.

“I’d like to tell my side of the story, if you guys don’t mind.”

Allegra offered her a reassuring smile. “Of course not, but you don’t have to tell us anything if you don’t want to.”

“Yeah.” Allan agreed. “Your word is all we need.”

A grateful smile caught the corners of Marinette’s lips. “Thank you, but I want to do this. I’ll feel a lot better once you guys know the full truth.”

“Then we’re all ears.” Felix said, sincerely.

Marinette’s smile widened slightly as she glanced at him, but her expression fell serious again when she began her story.

“It started almost two years ago. The September before last, a girl named Lila joined our school- er -my old school, Dupont. She came in telling all of these different stories about meeting celebrities and arranging charity events or music concerts and being ‘best friends’ with Ladybug.” 

The sheer disgust in her voice when she mentioned being best friends with Ladybug made Felix smirk, but he let her continue.

“With stories as crazy as that, I couldn’t believe that my fr- uh.. That my classmates were actually believing her. In one day, she had them following her around like dogs and carrying her stuff because she claimed to have hurt her wrist in an accident. I forget which excuse she used, but it ticked me off to no end. So I tried to tell everyone that she was lying.”

“It.. didn’t end well, unfortunately. She turned into an akuma and went on a rampage, and after Ladybug and Chat Noir fixed everything, she only gained more sympathy from everybody. That’s when the stories about me started.”

“Every time I tried to expose her, she would make up some elaborate lie that made me the bad guy, and everyone swallowed it hook, line, and sinker. I tried to tell the teachers about what was happening, and some of them helped keep us separated during class time. But other than that, I was kind of just.. left to handle it by myself.”

Felix held back a scoff. Typical. Teachers never bothered entering student squabbles if they thought it wasn’t law-suit worthy.

“Of course, since the teachers weren’t doing anything, the lies only got worse, and soon, Lila started lying about me unprovoked. She would say I stole her things or ripped up her homework or tripped her down the stairs. I almost got expelled over it twice.”

“Wait, seriously?” Claude said before Felix could actually scoff. “So you told the teacher that this ‘Lila’ was spreading lies around the school, but they still tried to expel you over the things she said?”

Marinette nodded. “They would have to if she hadn’t come back and made up some lies about having been mistaken. I’m still not sure why she did that.”

Felix shook his head, absolutely incredulous to what he was hearing. It appeared the students weren’t the only morons in that school. How has it stayed funded for this long?

“Maybe it was a power play.” Allan muttered with a frown. “She sounds like the type of person who would do that.”

Marinette shrugged. “Yeah, I guess she is.”

“Didn’t anyone believe you?” Allegra asked.

A wince overcame the ravenette’s features, and Felix reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t wait to hear what she had to say about that question.

“Yes, someone did,” Marinette admitted, “but he wasn’t very helpful, to be honest. Actually, he tried to get me to stop going against Lila in case she got akumatized again. His reasoning was that her lies would eventually be found out on their own, but.. as you know.. They never were.”

Claude scoffed and put a hand to his chest, seeming to be offended by the very notion. “Are you for real? He just wanted you to let it go?”

“Did he even say anything while you were in the process of being expelled?” Allan asked.

Marinette’s face said plenty, but she answered aloud anyway. “No, not that I know of. He never liked getting in the middle of confrontations.”

Now it was Felix’s turn to scoff. He tipped his drink up to his lips, downing half the mug to avoid interrupting her story further. Felix scoffed, taking a sip of his tea to avoid interrupting her story further. Did no one want to stand up for Marinette? Did no one in that forsaken school have any sense of loyalty or gratitude? That dumb redhead at the park even admitted that Marinette had done numerous things for them as favors. How can they look at themselves in the mirror each morning when they treat people so horribly?

“So what happened after you almost got expelled?” Allegra prompted.

“Well, if you’re asking me what changed, then nothing, really.” Marinette replied. “Lila continued to lie, and I continued to take the fall for it, except now people were actually doing things to me. Before, they only talked about me behind my back or glared at me from the front, but after another one of Lila’s crying fits, they started ripping up my homework, stealing my things. I guess they thought they were playing the act of karma when they did it.”

“And I assume that guy who believed you stayed quiet the whole time?” Claude asked bitterly.

Marinette shrugged. “Basically. He tried to speak up on my behalf a few times, but he was always shut down too fast for it to matter.”

“Eventually, it got so bad that everyone started tripping me too, or running into me on purpose in the hallway. The last straw was when someone tripped down the front steps of the school, and I almost stumbled into a passing car. I was lucky I didn’t get hit.”

Felix’s grip tightened on his cup, and he thanked whatever was watching over her that day while simultaneously cursing the idiots she’d been forced to interact with. Did they even realize what they were doing? Or did they simply not care about almost murdering another classmate?

“Oh my gosh.” Allegra gasped, putting a hand to her mouth.

“That’s insane.” Allan said.

“Were they even sorry?!” Claude demanded, outraged. “Did they even look ashamed when you almost got hit?”

Marinette took another drink of her tea and shook her head. “No. My Maman tried to talk to the school about it, but since nothing actually happened besides me getting pushed, they could only offer her detention slips or suspension.”

She paused to look up at Felix, surprising him.

“That’s why I decided to transfer to Rosemary.” She said, and in that moment, it felt as though everything she had ever told him clicked into place. The reason the akuma attacks all seemed minor to her, why she never mentioned her old school, her becoming pale when Agreste first came around to Rosemary- it all made sense now, like he’d taken a million separate puzzle pieces and connected them to form a single picture. 

Felix thought he would be pleased, that he would feel triumphant upon solving this brain teaser known as Marinette, but he didn’t feel pleased at all. Instead he felt.. Sympathy. And fury. This girl was not some puzzle for him to mess around with. She was a person, a friend, his friend, and to hear her be treated in such a way made his blood boil.

“We’re glad you did.” Allegra commented.

“Yeah, you’re clearly much better off here.” Claude agreed. “Those jerks don’t know what they lost.”

“So you guys aren’t.. Ya know.. mad at me or anything?”

“Mad at you?” Allan frowned. “Why would we be mad at you?” 

“Well,” Marinette thumbed her mug for a moment, “I did kind of keep this a secret from all of you on purpose. I just didn’t want to drag my old problems to my new school. That and.. I didn’t want to risk you not believing me.. I’m sorry I didn’t have more faith in you guys.”

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Allegra said. “You went through something terrible. We don’t blame you for not wanting to bring it up again.”

“Besides, you transferred schools to escape from the rumors, right?” It only makes sense that you wouldn’t tell us about them when you got here.” Allan pointed out.

Felix nodded in agreement, and Marinette let out a sigh of relief.

“That’s good to hear. Thanks for hearing me out.”

“Of course.” Claude smiled. “You’re our friend, Marinette. A few dumb rumors would never drive us away. If it did, we wouldn’t even be friends with each other by now.”

Marinette gave him a curious look. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, we’ve all been lied about at some point.” The brunette stated nonchalantly. “I mean, we go to Rosemary, a school filled to the brim with rich, talented, and extremely spoiled kids who have nothing better to do than gossip about each other. I get accused of cheating at least once a semester. Allegra had rumors about her bribing the dance teacher when she was chosen for a leading role one year, and Felix has been rumored to actually not be rich at all.”

Felix rolled his eyes, but an incredulous laugh left Marinette’s lips. 

“What?”

Allan snorted. “Oh, that one was pretty funny. Some people still think he actually lives in the school.”

“Seriously? Why?”

“Cause he wouldn’t invite people over to his house.” Allegra said with a wry smile. “And he practically wears the same outfit everyday.

Marinette hummed, looking Felix up and down. “They make a good point.. Felix, is there something you’d like to confess to?”

Felix gave a playful scoff, and the group laughed at his reaction.

“See?” Claude asked. “Your rumors were definitely worse than ours, but we’re not inexperienced. People will always try to bring you down in the lamest way possible.”

Marinette chuckled. “Yeah.. I guess they will. Thanks, guys.”

“Anytime.” Allegra smiled, pulling Marinette into a small hug.

“We’re always here for you.” Allan added sincerely.

Marinette smiled as well. “I know.”

“And if any of those jerks come around you again, you just let us know,” Claude said, punching his fist into his palm, “especially if it’s that guy who tried to tell you to ‘ignore’ Lila.”

A nervous laugh came from Marinette, and she reached up to mess with her pigtails as she said, “I appreciate that.”

Felix, satisfied with how the conversation ended, tilted his cup up to his lips, only to realize it was empty. He pulled his cup down and scanned the table, noting that Allegra and Claude’s cups were empty as well.

“Why don’t I get us some more tea?” He offered, moving to grab the tray.

“Oh!” Marinette perked up, quickly downing the rest of her tea in one gulp. “I’ll come too.”

Felix blinked. “Uh.. that’s not necessary. I can carry it all in one sitting. If you’d rather sit-”

“No, it’s alright.” She said, standing up to take Claude’s cup from him. “I want to stretch my legs anyway.”

The trio exchanged glances again, but Felix was too busy eyeing Marinette to notice. ‘Stretch her legs’? She’s only been sitting for- what? Thirty minutes? Forty-five? How restless could her legs be?

“We’ll wait in here.” Allegra remarked, referring to herself and the other boys.

Felix nodded and picked up the tray, not bothering to argue with Marinette. If she wanted to walk with him into the kitchen, she certainly had the right to do so. And who knows? Maybe she wanted a moment to herself and didn’t know how to tell them.

They strode into the kitchen together, and Felix set the tray on the counter while Marinette handed him her mugs. 

“Thank you for helping me. You know you didn’t need to.” He said as he refilled the mugs. 

“I know,” Marinette said, leaning against the counter while she waited, “but I actually wanted to speak with you privately, so this works for me.”

Felix raised a questioning eyebrow at her. She wanted to speak with him privately? 

“What did you need?”

Marinette glanced up at him, then seemed to think better of it as her gaze flicked back down to the ground. “I wanted to apologize to you too.. You remember last week when you asked me if something was wrong and I told you I didn’t want to talk about it? Well, the reason I was upset was because Adrien came to the bakery that day and begged me to speak with him. I didn’t really feel comfortable with it, but I felt guilty not giving him a second chance when he seemed so sorry about how he’d acted with Lila. So I agreed to have lunch with him after the Valentine’s Day party, which was where I ran off to while you guys were cleaning up. I guess Lila took a picture of us there, and I didn’t realize it..”

Felix frowned. Her reasons for visiting Agreste again were troubling to hear, but..

“Why do you need to apologize to me?”

Marinette’s gaze snapped to his again, her eyes wide with surprise. “Because I didn’t tell you. I knew after everything you’d heard about him that you wouldn’t want me going to see him, but instead of hearing your opinion, I just didn’t say anything. I should have talked to you about it. Maybe then Lila wouldn’t have found me and taken the picture..”

Felix stared at her for a moment, astounded by her logic. She thought she had to ask him before going to see Adrien? Sure, Felix would have advised against it immediately, but that didn’t mean she had to ask his permission.

“Marinette, you don’t owe me anything.” He told her. “Your life is your life. If you want to go have lunch with Adrien Agreste, that’s your decision. And while I would have advised against it, I still would have supported your decision nonetheless. I am your friend, not your boss or guardian. Do you understand?”

Marinette nodded, a grateful smile crossing her lips. He was happy to see it.

“More importantly, you don’t owe Agreste anything either. Just because he finally wisened up to his mistakes doesn’t mean you have to give him a second chance, especially if you don’t feel comfortable doing so.” 

Felix paused, thinking over what he’d just said.

“Although, I am curious.. What did he apologize for? He wasn’t one of the people who assaulted you, was he?”

“Oh, no, no.” Marinette hastily answered. “He, uhm.. He was actually the one who didn’t believe Lila.”

Felix tensed, using all of his self-discipline to avoid screaming ‘Are you kidding me?!’. Because really, out of all the people that had to convince Marinette to let Lila go, why did it have to be him? Actually, now that he thought about it, of course it was him! Who else would Marinette have been willing to listen to? Who else would have had the gall, the audacity, to act as though enabling a spoiled brat was some noble sacrifice? Wow, that guy just managed to keep climbing up the ranks on Felix’s ‘most hated’ list, didn’t he?

“I see.” Felix managed to mumble. “Are you going to tell the others?”

Marinette bit her lip, which was most likely a ‘no’.

“Not yet-” bingo “-I don’t want him getting a bad reputation. He did apologize, after all.”

Felix drew in a deep breath, letting the frustration towards that answer melt out of him. This was Marinette’s decision. She has trusted him with it, and he is going to respect it, no matter how much he hates it. That’s why he simply heaved a heavy sigh and put a hand on her shoulder as he said, “Marinette, you are truly too kind for this world.”

A blush bloomed across her cheeks, and she let out a small laugh. “O-Oh.. thanks.”

Felix turned back to the tray and picked it up, offering her a polite smile as he did. He didn’t agree with her method of handling things, but he did trust her to know what she was doing. Marinette was Marinette, after all, and she was much more capable than he was in most areas. If she thought this was the best way to go, he wouldn’t dispute it.

“So,” he began as he gestured for her to start moving towards the living room, “if I just put sugar in Claude’s mug instead of tea, do you think he would know the difference?”

Marinette snorted. “Oh~, that’s a tough one. Maybe we should test it to find out.”

“Alright, but you have to give him the cup. If I do, he’ll assume I’ve poisoned it.”

Marinette giggled and walked into the living room, and Felix followed behind her with a smile. He knew he couldn’t march up to the Agreste mansion and rip Adrien apart like he preferred- he probably couldn’t get any revenge on him whatsoever -but Felix would be darned if he just let this go the way Marinette wanted him to. Actions such as this needed to be punished, not forgiven and forgotten because of some half-hearted apology. If she wanted to toss the whole ordeal over her shoulder, that was fine, but Felix was going to hold a grudge against Dupont that was strong enough for the both of them.

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(Devotion: Alright guys! We’ve talked about the message of God’s wonderful salvation- which you should totally go back and read if you haven’t accepted Christ as your savior. It’s extremely important. -we’ve talked about how the Bible says people will react to the word of God, which has been proven to be true time and again; We have talked about Hell and why it exists; and in the last message, we talked about God’s compassion and faithfulness to His people. The last devotion wasn’t exactly in line with the others as far as the salvation theme, but today’s devotion will be! We’re going to talk about Jesus Christ and what exactly He went through on the cross to become the perfect sacrifice for our sins. This one’s probably going to be a bit long, and it is going to be gruesome. So what I’m going to do is bolden the main points of what He went through, then I’m going to describe them in detail. That way, people who can’t stomach gore or painful descriptions can still see a semblance of what He did, and people who can stomach it will get to understand the full extent of which Jesus loves us. Alright? Everyone got it? Great! Let’s get going then!

We start in the garden of Gethsemane. Jesus comes here only a few hours or less before He is arrested to be tried for crucifixion. He knows He is about to be arrested; He knows that this is the only way to save us from our sins, but that doesn’t stop Him from crying out to God and begging Him for a last way out. He says, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt”, and the Bible says that He was under so much stress during this prayer, He actually began sweating drops of blood. Blood! More so, the Bible also tells us that Jesus had to have an actual angel fly down and keep His heart from rupturing, lest He die prematurely. That means that Jesus was so stressed He almost died before He could even be crucified! Jesus was scared! He was terrified of going through with what God was asking of Him, and wouldn’t we all be! Nobody likes pain, and Jesus was about to go through one of the greatest pains we could ever face. Not only that, there were going to be a few other add-ons to the physical pain He was about to receive. 

See, Jesus is supposed to be the perfect lamb, the perfect sacrifice to atone for all of our sins, but to do that, Jesus not only needs to be punished for the sins we have committed, He also has to become the thing He’s being punished for. You cannot punish something that is innocent. It would be unjust. Jesus is aware of this, and that’s another reason He’s as stressed as He is in this moment of prayer. Although Jesus is manifested in human form at the moment, He is still very much God and part of the Holy Trinity, and as such, He still hates sin with a burning passion. He is disgusted by the very thought of it, the very idea. So imagine His dismay when He figures out that He has to become sin! That it has to be woven and meshed into His entire being! That would be like, for me, looking at all of the disgusting food water that’s in the sink before doing dishes and having to bathe myself in it without soap. (even bathing in it with soap would be bad, but you know) And for you guys! Think of the most disgusting thing on earth and then imagine being drench in it! Having it smeared on your skin and shoved in your mouth and caked all over your body- That’s what becoming our sin was going to be like for Jesus, and He hated every bit of it!...

But He loved us. So He went on with it anyway, the pain of crucifixion and the atrocity of becoming all of the sins of the world at once.

As soon as He was done with prayer, Judas- one of the former twelve disciples -betrayed Jesus and handed Him over to the chief priests as well as a crowd of people and soldiers. Jesus went willingly with them and did not fight. In fact, when Peter- another one of the twelve -leapt forward to protect Him by cutting off one of the High Priest’s ears, Jesus actually rebuked him and proceeded to put the High Priest’s ear back on his head. He was healing one of the very people who were about to kill Him! And the disciples were so confused and so panicked by this mob and Jesus’ “strange” behavior, that they all fled. Every single one of them. (This was done to fulfill scripture, so we shouldn’t judge them too harshly, but it is extremely sad for Jesus’ case.)

So the High Priests take Jesus away to Caiaphas, another High priest, and they put Him on trial. The High Priests and Elders tried to put false witnesses up on the stand, but none of their stories were adding up. They couldn’t share the same details that the other was, and almost no two stories were the same. Therefore, the High Priests got frustrated and started taunting Jesus directly, saying, “Answerest thou nothing? What is it which these witness against thee?” But Jesus refused to say anything. He just sat there, silent. This angered the High Priest, so he finally just yelled at Him- or at least, I imagine he yelled -and said, “I adjure thee by the name of the living God, that thou tell us whether thou be the Christ, the Son of God.” And here, we have one of the instances that Jesus openly admits, plain and blunt, that He is the Christ. He tells the High Priest that He is the Son of God, and that after this, He will be sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of Heaven.

The High Priest rents his clothes (which means to tear them. It used to be a sign of grieving) and says that Jesus has committed blasphemy, and unfortunately, the rest of the council agree and sentence Him to death. This is where the beginning of the crucifixion process begins. They still had to get a governor’s approval for the death sentence, but that didn’t stop them from taking Jesus and blindfolding Him and beating him while He was blindfolded. They would laugh and spit in His face during this and taunt Him, saying “Prophesy unto us, though Christ, who is he that smote thee?” It was an incredibly humiliating experience for our Lord to go through, but it was about to get much much worse.

The next morning, they take Jesus to Pontius Pilate, a governor, and demand that Jesus be crucified. Pilate, I would assume, reviews the case, because we see him ask Jesus if He is the King of the Jews a few verses later. Jesus simply answers with a “thou sayest” then refuses to speak again for the rest of the time. Despite that, though, Pilate knew the people were only delivering Jesus there because they were jealous of Him. So he gave the angry mob a choice: “Whom will ye that I release unto you? Barabbas, or Jesus which is called Christ?”

so understand this choice, it is important to know that there was a certain feast going on at that time, and at the feast, Pontius likes to release a prisoner of the people’s choice. Barabbas was a current prisoner, known for being a murderer and a thief, and I’m sure Pilate was hoping that by presenting a very unjust man compared to Jesus for release, the people would concede and choose Jesus to release. That’s not what happened, though. The people were so angry and so swayed by the High Priest’s influence that they decided to let the thief and murderer loose, as opposed to a completely innocent man. Pontius Pilate is flabbergasted and asks them, “What shall I do then with Jesus which is called Christ?”

The response was.. unanimous.

“Let him be crucified.”

“Why? What evil hath he done?” Pilate persisted, but the people only cried out louder for Jesus to be crucified. So Pilate, seeing that he couldn’t change their minds, washed his hands in a bowl of water and said, “I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it.”

Thus, Jesus was sent off to be Scourged, the first part of the crucifixion process. Scourging is a devious, calculated type of torture that uses a cat of nine tails to rip the flesh off of its victims. A cat of nine tails is basically a leather handle that has nine different whips attached to the same end, and on the end of those whips were hooks created from shattered glass or twisted metal or any other kind of sharp thing you can think of. The romans would throw the whip across their victim’s skin, and the jagged pieces laced into the whip would latch onto the skin. Then, the Romans would yank across the whip, causing the jagged pieces to tear through the flesh. The pain that would come from that is excruciating, and during this scourging, Jesus was stripped of his garments and whipped with a cat of nine tails thirty nine times. To put that in perspective, it takes 40 times of being whipped with that thing to be killed. This means that Jesus was whipped to the point of near death. His skin is in tatters. There is blood all over his skin. His teeth have probably cracked from having to grit them so much, and Jesus is in pain. He’s in so much pain already.

But it’s not over yet.

The next thing the Romans decide to do is place a purple garment around him, and weave a crowd of thorns together. These aren’t just regular thorns, either. These thorns are about two inches long and pointed, and by the time the Romans got a thick circle of thorns together, I’d imagine you could hardly hold it in your hands without getting hurt. They took those thorns and pushed all 70 or so of them into Jesus’ skull. THEN they grabbed a rod and beat the thorns into His head!! The thorns punctured Jesus’ head so deeply, that the thorns actually touched his skull, curved from hitting it, then poked back out of His skin somewhere else. The way the Romans put this crown on His head, Jesus physically couldn’t take it off. And after all of that, the Romans bowed down in front of Jesus and mocked Him again, saying, “Hail! King of the Jews!” and beat Him with their bare hands, even though they had already whipped Him to the point of near death.

Pilate took Jesus to the Jews and again begged them to reconsider and let Jesus go, but the Jews refused to do so. They screamed for Jesus’ death all the more, so Pilate reluctantly gave it to them. This leads us to the beginning of the end, when they make Jesus carry His own cross. Part of the crucifixion was having the crucified carry their own cross to Golgotha, or Skull. It was kind of like an extra burden and humiliation attempt, and it worked well. Think of it like a murderer being forced to make his own death shot and give it to the nurses who were going to insert it in him. Jesus had to walk through the city, or at least on some sort of road, where crowds of people were lined up on both sides, all of them cheering for His death, and He had to do this while He could barely stand up straight. The Bible tells us that, because of His injuries, Jesus actually didn’t get to carry His cross all the way to Golgotha. He collapsed somewhere along the way, and a man named Simon had to help Him carry it the rest of the way, but sadly, they did get it there. 

Once Jesus and the cross were on the mount, the Romans laid the cross down, laid Jesus on the cross, and used these huge nails to nail Jesus’ hands and feet to the cross. This was done through careful puncture wounds between the wrist bones and foot bones. It kept Jesus in place, while aggravating his nerves to make his feet and hands go crazy with pain. The Romans then raised the cross up for all to see, and for the next six hours Jesus hung on that cross. Something to note about this is that Jesus’ cross was not smooth. It had splinters and jagged edges all over the place, and the way the nails were pierced into His feet and hands caused Him caused His lungs to push heavily on His diaphragm. Because of this, breathing became a bit of a problem. His lungs could take in air, but He couldn’t breathe out. To do that, He would have to pull up on the nails in His wrists and push up on the nails in His feet and exhale. Pushing up, though, would cause Him to push His scraped, slashed, and bruised back against the splinters or possibly even into them. And let me remind you: He hung on that cross for six hours. Six. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you would do a lot of breathing in six hours.

And yet, despite all of that pain and suffering, the worst was still yet to come.

Jesus said seven different phrases while on the cross. Seven times He pulled Himself up on the cross, enduring extreme forms of agony, to speak with us. Would you like to know the first thing He said?

“Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”

Jesus asked God to have mercy on us and forgive us. We’ve rejected Him and cursed His name time and time again, we’ve insisted on turning to Him with malice and hatred, and now we’ve put Him through some of the worst, most excruciating pain imaginable.. But He asked God to forgive us anyway. This, Jesus’ incredible love and mercy and grace towards us, is the baseline of Christianity. His love is what keeps this world turning on its very axis, and it’s why we have no qualms shouting His name to the rooftops. His name deserves to be shouted and praised after all of the things He went through just to allow us to be with Him and talk with Him.

The second phrase He said was to a thief who was hanging on the cross with Him. In the Bible, we are told that Jesus wasn’t the only one being crucified that night. Two thieves were also being crucified along with Him, and they were placed on the mount to His left and to His right. The thief on the right was spitting on Him and mocking Him as well, but the thief on the left rebuked the first thief, saying, “Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss.” And the second thief turned to Jesus and added, “Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom.”

This is when Jesus speaks the second time, as He, I imagine, turns to the thief as best He can to reply, “Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise.” This conversation right here is a wonderful example of salvation and how simple it truly is. This thief was dying. He’d lived a bad life full of mischief and wickedness, and he had no way of making that right. But because he believed that Jesus was the Son of God, he was still able to go to Heaven. Salvation isn’t about works or what we can try to give back to Christ (although, we should try to give back to Christ as much as we can after being saved), it’s about the free gift that Jesus gave us. Heaven and Salvation is a gift. All we have to do is accept it.

The third phrase Jesus says is to John, one of the disciples, and Mary, Jesus’ mother. The Bible says that Jesus sees them before He speaks, so I imagine they are near the cross and weeping. Again, He drags Himself up on the splintered cross, draws in a pain-staking breath, and utters, “Women, behold thy son!” to Mary, and to John He says, “Behold thy mother!”. So He was making sure that His mother was going to be taken care of before He passed away.

Around this time, as Jesus was hanging on the cross, the earth fell into total darkness. I’m talking the sky was black. And as soon as this happened, Jesus cried out into the sky, saying his fourth comment on the cross.

“Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” or “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”

This.. is where we see the second add-on that made Jesus so terribly stressed during His prayer in the garden of Gethsemane. He is taking on the sins of the world. One can only imagine how many sins that would be, and in this moment, Jesus is taking every single one of them and forcing them into a single person, a single place to look upon. There was so much sin in Jesus at the very hour, that God had to do what He’s never done before in history and turn His back on a human being. 

There are times when God’s grace leaves us, when His mercy runs out and we are instead faced with His judgement, but despite that judgement, God is still present in our lives and in the world around us. No matter how alone we’ve felt in the world, God has always been there next to us without us knowing. But not here. Here, God is actively turning His back on Jesus. He is completely forsaking Jesus because of the amount of sin that has poured into Jesus’ heart and soul as part of the sacrifice. That absence of God is something we are never going to know (unless you don’t get saved and go to hell, I suppose) but I can only imagine how empty it must be. How crushingly lonely it must feel, to know that now, Jesus truly is all alone in this world. The very God, the other part of Himself, that He’s been with since the beginning is now just.. Gone. That, I believe, was the worst part of this entire crucifixion for Jesus. He can face the physical pain; He can face the disgustingness of sin; He can face the humiliation of being God but also being mocked and treated like a life form lower than dirt because He knew He wasn’t facing any of that alone. He knew God was right by His side.

But now He wasn’t. 

And Jesus was still there on the cross.

We see in the Bible that the darkness lasted for a full three hours, meaning Jesus has to go at least three more hours without God’s presence and comfort and light. In these last few hours, though, Jesus says three more phrases. His fifth phrase is, “I thirst.”

Another part of the Roman crucifixion costume was to get a sponge and soak it in vinegar mixed with gall. The combination created an extremely bitter taste that would supposedly distract the crucified from their pain every now and then, if only for a moment. So when Jesus said, “I thirst”, the Romans quickly got a sponge or even a cup ready and gave Him a sip of it. After He drank the cup, Jesus cried with a loud voice and said His final two phrases. Now in Luke and John, the last phrase that Jesus says is different when compared to each other, but the phrases are both so unique that I believe Jesus said both of them, one right after the other, and John and Luke simply wrote down different halves. So I’m going to write the last two phrases together.

“Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit. It is finished.”

After this phrase, Jesus gives up the ghost, or in other words, allowed Himself to die. This is another crucial point of Christianity because it shows Jesus’ power over life and death itself. He isn’t killed by blood loss or exhaustion or by a heart attack or anything like that. He simply dies because He wanted to at that moment. I think that’s kind of comforting actually. A God as powerful and loving as Jesus, who can control His own life and death as well as everyone else’s and was willing to give up His own life for us when we didn’t deserve it or even ask, is a God I most definitely want to serve.

Unfortunately, though, death was not quite the end of Jesus’ sacrifice. Not many people know this (or, at least, I didn’t know it for a long while), but after Jesus’ death, He went to hell for three straight days. Yes, you read that correctly. Actual Hell. If He’s going to take our punishment, He needs to take all of it, right? So don’t think God is just dishing out the punishments, but not taking any for Himself. He doesn’t need any, because He is a holy and perfect God, but He took some anyway so we didn’t have to, because He is also loving and merciful. 

Hell was, thankfully, the last step of the sacrifice. After that, Jesus completed the ritual of becoming our free ticket to salvation by raising Himself from the dead! Have you ever heard of anyone who could raise themselves? I haven’t! And on top of that, the Bible says that Jesus’ resurrection was so powerful, that several other people around him were raised from the dead too! Just because He raised himself! Isn’t that crazy?

This is why rejecting Christ is such a big deal to God, and why people who claim there are other ways to Heaven are extremely blasphemous, because if there were any other possible way to Heaven, do you honestly think that God would have sent His only, begotten Son to die on the cross for us? Do you think God wanted to come down to suffer through all of this pain just to say “yeah, actually, you can also get in this other way”? No, of course not. Rejecting Christ’s sacrifice and salvation is basically telling Him that all of that pain and suffering didn’t matter, the same as spitting on Him like the other Jews as He hung on the cross. 

He’s made the pathway to Heaven unbelievably simple. All we have to do is admit that we’re sinners, admit that we need saving from our sins, and accept Jesus Christ to be our savior by believing that He was the Son of God and that He died on the cross for us. If I was sure about anything in life, it is this. God is real. Heaven is real. Hell is real. Jesus is real, and He, along with God the Father and the Holy Spirit, is calling to you now. He is giving you another chance to accept Him as your savior before it’s too late. This could possibly even be your last chance. So please don’t put it off.

I love you guys very much and really really appreciate the people who have continued reading this. I’ll be praying for all of you to receive what I’ve told you, and for those who already have, I’ll be praying for you to keep growing in the Lord. Stay strong in the faith my friends! Keep telling the world about Jesus! He’s always right beside us! <3

Also, Here’s a link for a youtube video about Jesus’ death from a medical point of view. It’s a bit more detailed than I was, so please go watch it as well! https://youtu.be/0B3kgiLxybYOn that note, here’s a link I found recently that gives a bunch of videos and written materials from the author of “Cold Case Christianity”. He was someone who used to be an atheist until he started studying the four gospels with his skill of eye-witness-account-scrutiny. After studying the Bible for a few months, He realized that the Bible is, in fact, telling the truth, and ever since then he’s been racing to let the rest of the world know. Please check him out! www.coldcasechristianity.com/resources)

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[jaedreaminn]

I'll wait for you to like me

Pairings: Mark x Reader «past» Jeno x reader.

Characters: Mark, Jeno, Donghyuck (Haechan), Ten «hinted» Jisung, Chenle, Jaemin.

Theme: fluff, confusion, angst(but not really), open ending, happy, playful.

Word count: 1.6k

~~~

Mark knew he was the wallflower among his brothers. While his brothers played with people's hearts he studied. While his brothers fooled around he worked hard. While his brothers stole people's hearts to only break them he broke hearts through rejections.

He never messed around, always had good grades and his only friend was his half brother Donghyuck but not by choice, the youger just latched himself onto Mark the first time Mark spoke.

Mark liked his reputation of the heartless and cold brother. He liked being the most mysterious among his brothers. He liked keeping to himself. He liked his personal space. He looed music. He like how he was very sure of what he liked. And he knew for sure that he liked you.

But you liked Jeno....

So he kept his distance and watched from the side lines. He watched how Jeno tried to gain your trust and felt a pang in his heart when you trusted the boy. He watched how you agreed to dating Jeno and he watched how you slowly fell in love with his brother. His gut twisting in longing and jealousy.

He watched sadly the day Jeno broke your heart. And never in his life did he want to punch someone so bad, let alone the person he wanted to punch being his own brother but yet he didn't because he watched how Jeno loved you back but the moment things got a bit to real for his liking he spiralled and hurt you in the process.

He watched how Jeno would look at you so fondly and after you broke up he would secretly stare at you longingly when no one was watching. How he would constantly deny his feelings for you because his friends thought that it was uncool. How he said awful things about you to his awful friends that led him astray. He hated that he had to watch Jeno lose himself.

...

"You're the only other person here?" You had startled him one day as you leaned over his desk in the news room.

He blinked once to make sure he wasn't hallucinating before nodding, "Yes I run the school news paper"

You tilted you head to the side face scrunching cutely in confusion.

"I get the work done and quite perfectly at that so the school allows me to run it alone." Mark explained and felt lighthead when you smiled at him.

"Why are you here" he blurted out coldly before you could notice the change in his face from how much blood was travelling to it.

"Well I'm going to run the newspaper with you." You casually said. Cultural shock. That's what he went through that day.

And so before he knew it, it became a new norm to spend his afternoons with you in that small cramped up room with two desks and a printer.

And for once he wasn't just watching you, he was talking to you, laughing with you, working with you and getting into petty arguments with you which would just end with Mark being all red and flustered and you giggling away. And suddenly he knew he liked you even more. And maybe he wasn't the only one that knew that little fact. And that was a problem.

It happened on one of the monthly Sunday morning family breakfasts when Mr.Lee kept picking at Tens choice for the next step in the family business which included his lover so Ten, much to Mark's dismay changed the topic, "So Mark I heard you've been having fun at school these days?" His second eldest brother teased, wiggling his brows.

Mr. Lee's cocked an eyebrow at that piece of information but Mark simply hummed and got back to eating, enjoying his peace.

But when your brother's with Lee Donhyuck peace didn't come easy.

"Oh yes he has" the boy said and Mark looked at him confused, "He's been enjoying his time with y/n working for the school newspaper together"

Mark cursed in his head, side eyeing Jeno who seemed to freeze at your name expression cold.

"Yes it's nice to have company" Mark mumbled as the topic changed yet again to something about the trouble Haechans been causing.

...

Mark watched how Jeno distanced himself from him and how his brother who was usually sweet eye smiles and mischievous laughs was now curt nodds and cold eyes.

The one thing he knew he hated was fighting with his brothers. And even though him and Jeno weren't really fighting they weren't talking to eachother either.

His mood changed drastically, sullen at the change in attitude from his younger brother but he doubts anybody would have noticed.

That's why he was shocked when you placed a cup of boba milk tea on his desk saying "because you were sad and needed cheering up" before scrunching your nose cutely and adding "and because you're the only weirdo that doesn't like coffee"

And he looked at you in awe, mouth sliglty agape and you chuckled leaning down and closing it for him as he startled at the contact recalling behind a bit.

"So Markie boy what's got you so worried" you asked sitting yourself down on his desk as he flushed over the nickname.

"My brother" he said hesitantly and saw your face harden, he knew you knew of his relation to your ex but you guys never spoke about it.

"What happened" you still asked him, expression neutral.

"Just a little confusing times between us so there's a cold war going on" he said with a defeated sigh and your lips curved downwards.

"I've see how close you are to your brothers' and how much you care for them" you said and Mark was surprised you knew that, "Whatever it is it's going to pass. After all you guys are the infamous Lee brother's. A family of old money where the brothers dont hate eachother" you joked without knowing how true and rare that was and how much he cherished that fact. Especially since all his father wanted them to do was to get 'ambitious' and steal the buisness back from Ten.

So Mark had decided that very day to confront Jeno after school, waiting patiently at his brothers car.

"You're here to talk I'm guessing?" Jeno voice called out and Mark turned around to see him walking towards the car with a friend's Mark didn't recognise, a really tall boy with pink hair, a short one with orange hair and one Jenos height with blond hair and a blue fringe.

Jeno waved goodbye to the boys as he seperated ways from them and approached Mark.

"Who are they?" Mark couldn't help but ask.

"They're from the dance team." Jeno replied not looking at his brother at all.

"You've been avoiding me" Mark accused angry that the boy coildnt even look at him now and Jeno nodded, "You're right"

"Why" Mark asked with a frown.

"Well..."

"It's because of y/n isn't it?" Mark cut Jeno off, "If your uncomfortable with me working on the newspaper with y/n then I can-"

"Can what?" Jeno laughed catching Mark off guard, "Can quit? And then what let the newspaper die with you? I actually enjoy reading those." Jeno smiled at Mark who just stood there dumbfounded.

"Look I was being petty, I broke up with y/n ages ago. If you have feelings for y/n then go for it, I shouldn't hold you back" Jeno said with a sad smile.

"But don't you like..."

"I do. But I was dumb and now I'm too late so go shoot your shot" Jeno said with a pat on Marks back and smiled sadly as he watched his brother run off to meet you. Maybe he'll get over you if dating you makes his quite and overworking brother happy and atleast a little carefree.

"Y/N!" Mark called out as he ran towards you, starteling you.

"Go out with me" he blurted as soon as he was infront of you and your eyes widened but a frown made its way to your face soon after.

"Is this some joke?" You asked angrily and Mark seemed genuinely confused.

"Look I thought you were nice but now you're trying to pull the same stunt Jeno did?" You yelled and Mark looked taken back.

"W-what no. I would never!" he replied immediately.

"I want to believe that's true but it probably isn't" you said as your eyes slowly started to glisten. "Is this funny to you Mark?"

"What? No! No y/n I really like you, have liked you way before Jeno did I swear this isn't a game" he said quickly, holding onto your hand in hopes of conveying his sincerity. But it only made you more doubtful.

"Even if it was true Mark I d-dont want to like anyone again for a while" you said tone sad and Mark felt bad, maybe he didn't think this through.

"I'll wait then" it was your turn to look confused

"Then I'll wait for you to be ready to like someone again."

You sighed but the gesture seemed so sweet and from what you knew from the little time you spent with him in that small room daily was that Mark wasn't a good liar, "It may take a long while and I might not even end up liking you. You think you're okay with that?"

Mark eyes sparkled with something unreadable but it was definitely something good. He nodded his head, determined, "No matter how long and with how little hope I have, I'll wait for you to like me."

~~~

Lee brother's- A mini series

Previous part: Lee Taeyong

Next part: Ten Lee

[thepoodlepack]

What's wrong with goldenpoodles? I'm genuinely curious because almost all of my dogs are mixed breeds and behave fine. So I'm curious if there's something else I'm missing

jeez this feels like bait but u kno what, you got me

alright, so it goes like this. the doodle really began with a guy in australia being like i need the temperament of a lab for a guide dog but these ppl are allergic to dogs, so i need a poodle bc they have hair, not fur. so he bred em together. years later he’s like damn that was a mistake.

now, why, exactly? alright so first of all he only needed that mix bc labs on average tend to adapt better to situations that are largely exclusive to service dog work than poodles do. i can go into what this means at a later date, but that’s basically how it is. but either way, people jumped on this creation and it kinda spiraled out of control. soon, poodles were being bred by everyone and every breed. suddenly, they were a marketing scam more then they were a dog breed.

oh theyre hypoallergenic! all of them, all the time cause zero allergies! look theyre so much better than poodles! theyre friendly and easy to train, not like poodles of course, just like labs! they’re better than labs bc none of them shed, ever! they’re super healthy bc breeding labs and poodles together wipes out all their health problems, of course!

lies, lies lies. the aussie guy, whose name i’m not going to look up bc i’m lazy but who you can find if you google creator of doodles, straight up says that even the first litter(s) of labradoodles he bred had puppies that the people he bred them for were allergic to. he very carefully tested the litter and the reaction the person had before placing a puppy that was not going to hurt them.

think of the punnet squares we all learned about in 5th grade science class. you draw the squares and one parent has two fur genes and the other parent has two hair genes and what do you get? well if you have four puppies, one might have hairhair and the next one might have hairfur and the next one might have furhair and the next one might have furfur. and so guess what? only hairhair pup is going to be the best choice for allergic people. additionally, you can see why the non-shedding thing can be bullshit, and that in particular is also a guessing game. you may be able to test allergy sufferers against the pups, but that does not necessarily mean they won’t shed. hairfur, for example, may be a good choice for some allergic people, but perhaps they’ve got just enough fur to shed anyway. also, lets look at salukis (and frankly, most long-haired sighthounds). salukis are still considered dogs with fur, not hair. they also still shed, even though it’s just a little. and yet they’re still considered good for allergy sufferers.

(ps poodles do actually shed. but they shed like humans shed. your hair comes out, doesn’t it? like, esp folks with long hair, aren’t people always complaining how you clog the shower drain? yeah, like that. ALSO obviously the situation is more complicated then super simple punnet squares and as an ex-groomer i have something to say about doodle coats but i’m going to save that for later, put a pin in it.)

oh and wait a hot minute there. i said best choice, didn’t i, not hypoallergenic. well, that’s because no dog is hypoallergenic. poodles, and a few other dog breeds, they have hair, like we do. but the thing is both humans and breeds with hair still produce the dander, though they’re different kinds. breeds with hair happen to produce the least amount possible that dogs can produce, which is why they’re a better choice for allergy sufferers, but that’s still not a guarantee. my roommate Dakota is allergic to dogs. if i don’t wash my dogs for an extended period of time (which has never happened, ever, in my life, idk what ur talking about), thus giving the chance for the dander my dogs still produce, he will have a very, very mild reaction when touching them. it can be countered by him washing his hands after touching them and also me just giving them a fucking bath, i need to stop forgetting, but still, there you go. ALSO people might not be allergic to dogs bc of their dander. they might be allergic to the saliva of dogs, which poodles or any other breed with hair still produces about the same as other dogs. so, yeah, not hypoallergenic, not at all.

the people who taut their hypoallergenic dogs for sale largely don’t do the testing required to check if they’re actually providing a dog to someone who won’t react to it. not acceptable at all.

so, labs are friendly and easy to train right? not at all like poodles, right? no. absolutely incorrect. some labs are friendly and easy to train. some labs, a lot of them when they’re puppies, are nightmare fuel. personally, i have a theory that everyone’s vision of labs in their heads are either a) service dogs or b) those old labs who are slightly pudgy (or morbidly obsess, which is a different topic) and who are graying in the face and just want to lounge around because they’re seniors now. alright, so here’s why thats bad. labs are a working breed. a retrieving breed. they’re supposed to be bulky and strong and driven. service dogs are highly trained, to a point that most pet dogs will never see, and if you see them with their actual disabled handler, they’ll probably be around 2.5 yrs of age and out of their most wild days. old labs are well. old. sleepy. maybe a bit achey. and well out of their most wild days. oh, and it’s the same type of thing with goldens by the way, the other most popular doodle type. poodles are also easy to train, especially if their parents have a decent temperament. they’re all about equal if you actually start training them when they’re puppies and just pay for some training classes, like everyone should. in the puppy classes i’m in right now, Euphoria is leaps and bounds ahead of doodles, goldens, and labs that are her age or older. I train her properly and she’s got amazing parents. that’s it, that’s the trick. not breed, not necessarily, and def not in this case.

I am once again going to say that labs and goldens are more often used as service dogs than poodles because of their adaptability, but it’s the ability to adapt to situations that most pet dogs will never have to worry about.

jeez this is a long post. i’ve still got more to cover too. alright, on to super healthy, or “hybrid vigor” as the nerds call it. uhh, it’s bullshit. thank u for ur time.

okay, but actually why on gods green earth would breeding two completely different breeds with little to no research make them super healthy? now i want to preface this with i’m (generally) pro-outcross projects. Euphoria’s dad is half mini poodle and half standard poodle, which isn’t technically an outcross bc all the variations are of the same breed, but if we’re going by genetic diversity alone minis and standards are different enough to actually be different breeds.

so, to be clear, outcrosses, given the proper thought and planning: good, results in healthier dogs (see: lua dals). randomly breeding two very different breeds together with no planning other than to sell the puppies to randos who won’t continue the outcross: bad. especially when you’re doing it to cash in and don’t health test at all, or don’t health test the major health problems with both breeds (if you’re doing an f2 breeding or anything like that). no the poodle’s health problems don’t get canceled out by the goldens or labs or whatever the other party’s health problems are, and vice versa. and yeah, i’ve looked at a lot of doodle breeder’s websites and yeah, most of them don’t health test at all, or at least don’t health test properly. do you know i own one doodle and currently live with another? yeah, i got them both from breeders and do you know how much health testing their parents got? if your answer is none, good job, you’ve been paying attention. in my defense, i was like 13, i didn’t know what i was doing.

alright, so those are the big points. this is kinda gonna be just... a mix of my other complaints. here we go, hope you’re ready for more. argument the first: i feel like it’s pretty disrespectful to reputable breeders. now, i actually have two reasons why that is. reason one: most reputable poodle breeders don’t want their breeding stock bred with other breeds, for various reasons. i’ve even met a few who used to be okay with it and then as the doodle scam got bigger and more out of control, they stopped being okay with it, even to the breeders who they had been fine with it in the past. that means a lot of doodle breeders out there have their breeding stock because they scammed poodle breeders into giving them pet quality, not breeding quality, dogs or because they’re getting their stock from non-reputable breeders. i also feel it’s disrespectful to breeders who are actually trying to create new breeds. quite frankly, a breed with the size, strength, and adaptability of a lab or golden that doesn’t shed and that has the train-ability of a poodle, lab, or golden sounds pretty interesting to me. did you know you can actually make that breed? and it wouldn’t be a cross with unpredictable... well, everything. it would actually be a true dog breed.

Look at Silken Windhounds and Biewer Terriers who began both development in the 1980s. Biewer Terriers were recognized by the AKC this year, and Silken Windhounds still haven’t been. And yeah, that’s the problem isn’t it? Making a real new breed takes a lot of time, planning, and care. People would rather just cash in. I think it’s sad and I think it’s disrespectful to the breeders who do work so hard to make actual new breeds.

and finally, unpin being an ex-groomer goddamnit. guess what? doodles are awful to groom! they’re terrible on the grooming tables because people want to have in both ways: they want a dog that doesnt shed at all and they want a dog who doesn’t need to be groomed. well guess what, that dog doesn’t exist and you can have it only one way. and also, bring back the goddamn punnet squares because a lot of doodles have awful coats. if you have hairfur and furhair over there, guess what, their coat fucking sucks bc it’s not meant to be like that. it wants to mat bc hair but also it wants the mats to slide out bc short-ish fur but its too thick for the mats to slide out bc thick hair. and yes its more complicated then this and that means its often more awful then this. its awful, it makes me want to cry. and maybe it’s slightly easier to get away with it with a shorthaired dog like a lab, or, you know what, even a golden, okay, even a slightly long haired dog like a golden but people are doodling akitas? border collies? bernese fucking mountain dogs? i am crying. i am crying right now as i type this.

lets do a sum up to this disaster of a post. look, i don’t go out there attacking or yelling at every doodle or every doodle owner i see, alright? or any of them really. i might engage in conversation to one that’s interested, but that’s it. i love my doodly Isis, okay? shes tiny and she’s adorable and I love her more than life and i will never, ever get another doodle. i don’t like the way they’ve gotten so prolific, i don’t like the reasons they’re now widespread, and i don’t like almost all of the people that create them, including the ones i’ve literally given my (parents) money to in the past. i wish they were better but i just cannot approve of them, especially not in the environment they exist in now. that said, i do support them in their original use case as assistance dogs, and i do not care about them if they’re shelter dogs.

[anjuschiffer]

Amira Wayne - Chapter 17

Another chapter! Woo! And yes, I’m still going on with @biodad-bruce-month event despite being two months since it ended :D

Chapter 17: Villain (2)

WARNING: BLOOD MENTION AND DEATH IN THIS CHAPTER

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P.Tag: @theatreandcomicfreak @damianette-is-life @toodaloo-kangaroo @elijahcrevan @vixen-uchiha @nathleigh

Tag: @we-want-mini-mini @ramos123 @bluesimani @redscarlet95 @greatcatblaze @promiswords @fantasiame @corabeth11 @anonymously-odd @alexandriamw @officiallydarkgeek @galla02006 @maleive07 

-

MASTERLIST | FIRST | PREV | AO3

Something wasn’t right and no, it didn’t take Wally having to see fog outside Amira’s bedroom to know that. 

He had been on the phone with Dick, telling him of Amira’s stress baking when the chilly afternoon became a dark, foggy evening. 

Rolls of mist covered the Parisian roads, people yelling out to each other as they stumbled to find each other. 

“Dick. I have to call you back.” Wally said as he scrambled around the room in search of his suitcase. 

To think he would need Barry’s gift so soon. 

“Back? Wally what is-“ Wally hung up when he found the comms, his eyes darting around the room until he found a box tucked under the desk labeled ‘utilities.’

Rummaging around it, he grabbed some flashlights, batteries and some goggles before heading into the Parisian street. 

He thought the fog was bad from behind the window, but now standing in...it was a nightmare. 

Amira, please...be safe...

Fishing for his phone, Wally quickly scrolled through his contacts until he found Amira’s and began to call it. 

The longer the call rang, the more Wally began to worry. 

When his call didn’t get through, he tried again, turning on the goggles, taken aback at how high tech they were. 

The perks of being rich he guessed. 

When he noticed that the night vision wouldn’t work in this situation, Wally switched over to thermal, running into the school across the street and up the stairs.

“Marinette!” Wally yelled, holding back the urge to yell out her real name. But he knew better than that. 

He knew better than to yell out Amira’s real identity.

“Marinette! Where are you?” Wally yelled out again, looking to see if anyone reacted to the name. That’s when he noticed a heat carefully walked towards the doorway of a classroom on the second floor.

“Hello?” A Parisian asked him, Wally biting his tongue. Damn it!

“Listen, do you speak English?” 

“A little.” The person said back.

“That’s fine. Do you know where Marinette is? Do you know what happened to-”

“She was akumatized!” The person bellowed back, Wally feeling his heart stop.

Amira...Amira is the akuma? She...she got akumatized...by Hawkmoth?

How? This wasn’t part of the plan she told him last night!

Snapping from his spiraling thoughts, Wally cupped his hands around his mouth.

“What caused it?” Wally asked, wondering what the hell happened to Amira that caused her to lose control of her emotions.

What caused her to snap?

“She had a little argument over a boy with her classmate. About a boy named...Jason.”

Holy shit.

“No, no, no, no.” Wally muttered to himself, digging his hands into his hair, hating the answer to his questions.

“Are you-” The person asked, Wally seeing them almost hit with the balcony in front of them.

“Stop! Don’t leave the classroom! Stay in there and wait for La-Chat Noir and the team to arrive.” Wally managed to say, his brain running through every possible situation to help him cope with the idea that Amira was somewhere out there, distorted by her emotions…

Alone..dealing with emotions she never liked lingering in for too long...walking with her baggage of pain...and guilt…

Wait...the person said she was arguing with someone who knew Jason...but how was that possible?

“-can do for you?” Wally managed to register, running up the stairs and walked into the classroom, shutting the door behind him.

“I need you to tell me what exactly happened before Marinette got akumatized and don’t you dare try to cover up any details. If you do…” Wally closed his eyes and took a deep breath, hoping he wouldn’t jinx the situation. “This akuma may become your livelihood for a very long time and not only that...this maybe be the Miraculous Team’s last fight and be Hawkmoth’s victory.”

---

Adrien held Chloe close as she continued to grip at his shirt, her body shaking violently as she muttered incoherent words. Tears ruined her makeup, her eyes bloodshot red as Chloe remained curled against Adrien’s shirt.

“Adrikins...you’re still there...right?”

“I’m still here.” Adrien assured, hugging Chloe closer to him.

“Maman and Daddy… I saw them die before my eyes. And I saw Sabrina and Mari...they..they also-”

“You don’t have to tell me.” Adrien hushed, turning to where Plagg was despite not being able to see anything but his glowing green eyes.

After Mari-Banshee caused Chloe to collapse and then disappeared from his sight, Adrien ordered Nino and Sabrina to head back to the class while he took care of Chloe.

Carefully dragging her to the locker room, Adrien began to softly talk to her, holding her hands as he tried to think of a way to lessen the effect of Banshee’s power on Chloe so that he could-

“-help her.” Cloe muttered out, Adrien feeling her hesitantly push herself away from him. “Go help her, Adrien.”

“Chloe, you aren’t-”

“But she needs more help than me Adrien.” Chloe echoed. “I know this will go away once the akuma is found, but right now...we need to do something about the akuma. Who knows how long Ladybird will get here and get rid of the akuma, but we’re here. You’re here.”

Adrien felt as Chloe untangled her hand from his. “I can’t do anything, but you can. You can help de escalate the situation and you even know who she is after. So please...help her Adrien...she’s our friend...who knows how long she can endure it…”

Adrien bit his lip, feeling Plagg settle back into Adrien’s pocket inside his jacket.

“I’ll try Chloe. I’ll try.”

Giving Chloe’s hand a squeeze, Adrien slowly makes his way back to where he last saw Marinette, holding back a scream that nestled in his throat.

“Kid. We need to hurry.” Plagg reminded him. “Because Chloe was right. We don’t know how long it will take Ladybird to find Marinette so we need all hands on-”

“I know Plagg.” Adrien cut off, digging his nails into his palms. “Plagg, claws out!”

---

Dick paced around his apartment, putting his phone to his ear as he attempted to call both Wally and Amira, only to get sent to voicemail. 

Huffing, Dick was about to call again when Tim called first. 

“Tim, can this-“

“This is urgent.”

“Tim, I’m trying to-“

“Something wrong is happening in Paris right now. Just open the link I sent you right now.”

With Tim hanging up, Dick got a message and opened it, watching a Parisian news station play on his screen. 

“Nadja Chamack. Don’t bemused, it’s just the news. As you can see, it’s currently XX:XX and yet-“ Then the camera pans to show the conditions outside. “Our once sunny December day became a foggy night, our reporters are trying to- what? An akuma?” 

The station then transitioned into a live feed of what seemed to be a figure walking within the fog. 

“This just in! Turns out that this is the result of Hawkmoths most recent akuma! So everyone who is watching, under no circumstance, do not leave the premises you are-“

Nadja went on to talk about akuma protocol when Dick notices something oddly familiar about the figure that walked within the live video. 

That bracelet on her hand…

Dick felt his heart sink to his stomach. 

Grabbing some keys and his bike, Dick began making phone calls again, hating that no one was picking up... 

Or so he thought. 

“Selina? Yes... I need a favor.”

—-

Wally slammed his fist against the teacher’s desk, hearing a few gasps escape from the students in the class. 

Damn that Lila. Can’t even face the consequences of her own actions. 

“Did you idiots seriously not think something was wrong when someone you knew was acting unusual? Even if they weren’t your friend, when someone isn’t acting like themselves, that means you should be concerned.” Silence filled the room. Wally recomposed himself. 

This was no time to lecture these idiots. Right now I have to track down both Marinette and Lila Rossi. “Does anyone know where Lila would have run off to?”

When he got nothing but silence for an answer, Wally held his composure. “Okay so no one actually knows this girl. Fine. I’ll look for her my-“

“Shouldn’t you leave this to Ladybird and her team?” The teacher spoke, Wally really wondering how dependent Parisians have become on their ‘heroes’ taking action first. 

“My best friend has been akumatized and we haven’t heard a single update about the situation from the Parisian vigilantes. My thoughts? The Miraculous Team is having trouble finding either person and if I can at least help to locate Marinette, then so be it. 

I’m not going to stand here and just depend on the vigilantes when I know I can actually do something to help.”

Walking towards the door, he stopped. “I suggest you guys find a way to deal with the mist inside this classroom. Perhaps turn the ventilation system on or something. You rather be able to see each other can keep each other company rather than not knowing what’s going on in the very room you think you’re safe in.”

With that, Wally dashed out the room, not noticing two other people walk behind him. 

—-

Lila stumbled as she ran away from the thing that was supposed to be Marinette.

That creature dressed in an ombre dress that transitioned from white to black and whose eyes haunted her was no Marinette!

That was a creature straight from tales she used to hear from the nanny that took care of long ago.

A banshee.

Lila held in a whimper as tears filled her eyes as she heard the akumatized Marinette’s hums, hums that fluctuated between her name being shrieked and soft wails. 

“Lila.” She would whisper in a hoarse voice, causing Lila to run even more. “Where are you?”

Lila turned a corner and scrambled to hide behind a dumpster, collapsing her hands over her mouth as she heard Marinette slowly make her way towards her.

Lila shut her eyes tight as she heard the hum grow louder, Lila hating that the hum kept getting louder by the second.

The hum was now right at the corner Lila had finished turning when it came to a halt.

With the foggy streets and the humming coming to a stop, Lila could hear her footsteps nice and clear, listening as her heels clicked and clacked as Marinette walked on the cobblestone street. 

Lila didn’t dare to move, she didn’t dare breath as she kept hearing those dreading footsteps. She did, however, wish she had another set of hands as a piercing shriek, in the form of her name, rang throughout the Parisian streets.

Lila didn’t know what happened next as the shriek caused her ears and head ring, her vision becoming muddled as Lila attempted to open her eyes.

She wishes she had not.

As she fluttered her eyes open, bloodshot red eyes looked back at her, a thin smile directed at her.

“Here you are.” Marinette sang in her raspy voice.

Lila felt herself begin to violently shake as Marinette helped her get up by grabbing her wrists. “You know, you didn’t have to make up all those lies to get the class to like you. They just love to throw themselves to anyone if it meant gaining a new friend. They’re just so open hearted like that.

Of course, those types of people are the type whom I’m not fond of, so I steered away from them.

Sadly, you thought lying to them was the best course of action instead of checking to see if you had to lie or not to get their adoration. I could only assume you thought this was the best course of action as it's been your main way of getting attention.

Sadly, you have to pay for your actions this time ‘round. 

Didn’t your mother teach you that every action has a consequence?”

Lila watched as Marinette let go of her hands.

“While they might forgive you for lying to them, I will not. You disparage my brother’s name and for that, you shall pay, Lila Rossi.”

She grabbed hold of Lila’s hand, Lila letting out a deathly scream as her hand went ablaze, watching as Marinette’s veil turned pitch black in color.

“Pay for your lies, for your manipulations and schemes.”

Lila felt her other hand go ablaze and soon her heart began to burn, screaming her lungs out as she watched her get swallowed by the ground.

She screamed and cried as she clawed to bring herself back up to the surface, only to feel cold hands pull her down.

“This is your punishment, Lila Rossi. Suffer like I have at the loss of my dear brother.”

The last thing Lila saw before being pulled underground was Marinette’s veil and dress turn pitch black, a vivid black she had never seen before.

Black just like the void that swallowed her, a black that was the only thing Lila could see for miles around her.

She didn’t know for how long she kept screaming, how long she was crying but she knew for quite some time as her throat grew dry. It became itchy, her eyes stinging and she started to grow cold. 

She began to walk through the darkness, not daring to stretch out her arms in fear that she may attack her once again. 

That’s when she saw him. 

Standing there, in the darkness, was a man with olive green eyes and chestnut hair staring back at her.

A man she knew...

“Papà?” She said hoarsely. 

She watched as the man looked at her with a smile, opening up his arms, welcoming her. 

With a warbling smile, Lila ran to her father, only for him to disintegrate upon her touch. 

“Papà!” Lila screeches, running after the dust. Why? Why?!

“Lila.” She heard her mother say monotonously, causing Lila to promptly shut up and stop pathetically trying to get her father back. 

She slowly turned to her side, having to look up to see her mother’s pale face. 

Was she always this tall? 

Looking at herself, Lila realized she was holding her mother's hand and standing before her father’s grave. 

She was 9 again. 

9...“You can’t keep crying mia stella. We have to keep moving, no matter what. It’s what he would have wanted us to do.”

“Yes, Mamma.” Lila complied, watching as the two walked from the grave, watching how the grave quickly got invaded by thorn covered vines with each step she took. “Bye, Papà.”

.

“Bastarda! Bastarda!” The boys chanted as they circled her, Lila covering her ears, shutting her eyes as she crouched towards the floor. 

“Smettila! [Quit it!]” Lila yelled, holding in tears as she heard the girls in her class whisper and snicker about her. 

It wasn’t her fault that her mother couldn’t afford the latest clothing, the latest car or anything new for that matter. 

If only her mother were more than just a secretary. If only her mother were someone important. 

How she hated that they were able to see through her lies. 

She could hear the laughter ringing around her, the chants of her being a bastard and bugiarda [poor] echoing in her mind. 

She watched as smeared faces of her past circled around her, laughing at her and began to sing. 

“Delilah! Delilah! Delilah the liar!”

“Shut up!” Lila screamed, but it went ignored. 

The faces continued to sing and ridicule her, Lila screaming until she couldn’t anymore. 

---

Chat looked out to the city below him, clicking his tongue when he wasn’t able to see anything below despite being at the very top of the Eiffel Tower.

Taking out his staff, Chat called Queen Bee, only to be sent directly to voicemail. He tried again, this time using their other mode of communication.

When he heard a click, Chat was about to talk when Bee beat him to it.

“I’m down Chat.’

“What?”

“I was in the area when the akuma struck. I tried to apprehend the Victim, but she got to me first. I don’t think I can...I don’t think I can fight in my condition Chat.”

Chat huffed, picking up a shriek in the distance. Narrowing his eyes, Chat started to sprint to the direction of which the shriek came from. 

“Have you heard anything from Ladybird?” Chat asked, almost crashing into someone when he got to the ground. “I tried calling her, but-”

“I didn't get anything from her…” Chat heard a shuddering of breath from the other side. “Do you think...do you think the Victim got to her?”

“Let’s hope she didn’t.” Chat said, realizing where he was. Extending his staff, he went straight to their usual training grounds, glad to be up high again. “After all, she’s the only one who can reverse all of this.

Without her, we’re screwed.”

“I know Chat...I know. But what are you going to do without me? Without her? You need allies now more than ever Chat! Without them, who knows how long it will take to defeat this Victim!”

“I’ll find a way Bee, don’t you worry. For now, rest up. We’ll win this fight, you’ll see. We won’t let Hawkmoth win, not on our watch.”

With that, Chat hung up and mumbled a ‘claws in.’

“Did we-hey! Isn’t the reason why I give you my power to-”

“Plagg, you mentioned a Master Fu before.” Adrien cut off, handing some camembert towards Plagg. “You need to take me to him. I need to-”

“I know.” Plagg said, swallowing the cheese whole. “Something tells me you might need his help for this fight.”

“Thank you, Plagg.” Adrien said, eyeing a bag of utilities nearby. He rummaged through it before finding what he needed. 

Plagg eyed the grappling hook in Adrien’s hands, wondering if he should tell him or not.

Should he? Should he tell him that Ladybird wasn’t going to come? That she was the Victim this time ‘round?

“Alright then, follow me!” Plagg said with a smile.

No, he shouldn’t tell him. Who knows what might happen if the kid would be at risk of also getting akumatized and that he couldn’t risk.

Not his kitten...not on his watch.

---

Black.

That is what Amira first saw when she barely came to her senses.

Amira felt herself walking, watching as something else took over her body.

Is this what every Victim felt like when they got akumatized by Hawkmoth?

Amira tried to move her arms, or attempted to stop herself from walking, but to no avail.

She kept walking to who knows where, hearing herself hum as she did, humming as she was looking for someone…but who?

The humming continued, Amira wondering why it resonated so much with her. 

Amira listened to the hum, closing her eyes and soaking in the melodies as the hum continued, 

---

Wally stood still as he barely made out the figures of the neatly aligned parked cars on either side of the road. Not a single person was in the street, not a single piece of paper dared to flutter within the dense fog.

Only the dim lights of the streetlights and of a few store lights allowed Wally to know where he was.

“Marinette!” He screamed, holding his breath as he strained his ears for any type of noise. When he heard nothing, he walked a few meters before standing still again and calling out for Marinette.

He kept doing his for what seemed an hour until Wally found himself right by the Seine. 

The moment he stepped onto the Pont des Arts, he heard the faintest of hums, Wally feeling the edge of his lips begin to turn upward.

“Marinette!” He yelled out, but got nothing in return.

Sprinting to the other side of the bridge, Wally was glad to hear the humming grow louder, but hated that he had yet to see Amira.

“His chirps brightened my days

Talks that would last for hours

My jay, my jay.”

“Amira!” Wally yelled, his head swinging from side to side in hopes of seeing her, but nothing. 

The quiet Parisian street taunted him, the rolling fog egging him to follow the only clue he had of tracking Amira. 

“One day after you left

For you I did wait

Another gentle night like no other.”

Wally quickly began to follow the song, hating that no type of heat was registering through the goggles.  

“I awaited for your arrival

But a visit I did not get

As I approached the window

I saw you there...

There you were.”

Wally felt like he was running towards nowhere, seeing as he had been running in the same direction for a while. 

“On the ground

Your blue feathers now dyed red

Your flight towards me

Was a flight towards another place.”

Just where the hell was he?!

“Goodbye my Jay...goodbye.” 

As those last words were said, the fog started to lift up a bit, Wally turning to see Amira staring back at him through her black veil. 

Her eyes were a dull emerald, her hair long and straight just like it was when they were younger. She wore a black lace dress that seemed to sparkle under the dim Parisian streetlights. 

“Wally. You’re alright.” Amira said, walking up to him, stroking his cheek with the back of her hand. He felt his breath hitch. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

I’m more worried about you.

“I’m fine.” Wally tried to hold her hand when she pulled it away.

“That’s good.” Her hand returning to her side, averting her gaze from him and biting her lip. “What about Chloe? Is she doing alright? I didn’t mean to hurt her like that.”

Wally gulped. She had used her power on Chloe? 

Were those tear trails running down her face?

“She’s doing alright. She’s still under your power, but she isn’t as in much pain as she was before.” Wally lied, holding her wrists in his hands, ignoring the pain her got from placing pressure over her bracelet.  

So it’s her hands he has to be wary of…more specifically, her palms.

“What about the rest of my team? Do they know where I am?” Amira asked him, Wally biting the side of his cheek.

“I think one of them might know where you are. As for the rest, I do not know.”

“I see.” Amira said, looking back at Wally, turning away from him.

“Where are you going?” Wally asked her, watching as her veil flared out a bit. He watched as a grin emerged from her once stoic face.

“I’m going to go check on Lila. You should’ve seen the look on her face as she succumbed to my punishment.”

“Amira, what have you done?” Wally almost growled out, noticing the small rips on her dress, how it seemed to merge with the shadows.

“She got the punishment she deserved. Right about now, she should be screeching her heart out.”

“How...how could you do something like that Amira?” Wally yelled, tightening his grasp on her wrists. “Vengeance isn’t the way to-”

“This was the only way to make her pay for trying to use Jason’s name for her own personal gain! Every action has a consequence, whether it be a good one or a bad one.”

“Amira, can’t you see-”

“If you are here to stop me, then don’t. I already made up my mind.” Amira tried to jerk her hands from Wally’s grasp, but couldn’t. He wouldn’t let her escape, not when she was right in front of him.

“Amira, please! Think-”

“I have. And this,” she lifted her arm ever so slightly, the corners of her mouth curving upwards as her palms hovered over Wally’s wrists. “This is my answer.”

WARNING: BLOOD AND DEATH AHEAD

Placing her palms on Wally, Wally screamed in agony as he collapsed to the floor, his hands grasping on his shirt, his knuckles turning white as his head and chest began to ring in pain.

Wally watched as his vision flickered between seeing Amira walking away from him in her black dress and her yelling out his name as she was being pulled away from him.

Wally watches as she tries to crawl back at him, as she claws at the ground as she’s being pulled away by purple miasma. 

Her nails are scratched, her skin peeling off her fingers as she tries to hold onto loose cobblestones on the ground.

She screams for him, her tears merging with the blood that trailed from her head, mixing with the dirt on her face.

Cuts, both new and old were scattered, dried blood seeping from her mouth.

She manages to get up before she’s thrown back to the floor, a scream escaping from her.

“Amira!” Wally yells, trying to reach for her as he feels tears slip from his eyes. He watches as Amira stares at him one last time before her head limps forward, her hair draping over her face.

Wally feels himself stop breathing, raising his head as he sees Joker above her. 

Why? Why were they back at Gotham?

His eyes register the crowbar in his hand, covered in blood...Amira’s blood...

Blood that dripped from the same hands that killed his friend, the same feral clown that looked down at him with his feral smile and crooked yellow teeth.

Wally let out a scream as he watched Joker walk away, leaving Amira’s corpse on the floor.

Managing to find the strength to get up, Wally ran next to Amira’s limp body, only for it to turn into mist upon lifting it.

Wally watched as the illusion merged with the mist around him, the mist slipping through his fingers as he watched his surroundings return him to the present...to Paris..

“Illusions…” Wally said, finding himself laughing as he ran one hand through his hair while the other pulled at it, feeling himself still shaking...

This is exactly why he wasn’t very fond of magic...

END

---

Nino jumped when he felt a hand on him, feeling his racing heart relax upon seeing Master Fu.

After having left the classroom when the mystery guy had run out, Nino tried to look for Ladybird, hoping to once again help his friend. But he had been running for hours, not seeing a single person at all as he searched for the Miraculous Team or Banshee.

“Master Fu, what are you-”

“You know clearly why I am here.” Fu said, slipping off the Turtle from his hand, Nino stretching out his hand towards him. “Ladybird and Queen Bee are down for this match, leaving Chat on his own.”

Nino couldn’t believe that. Chat...was on his own? Ladybird and Queen Bee...were out of commission? How?

Placing the bracelet into Nino’s hand, Master Fu closed it and looked at Nino. “Now go.”

“But Master Fu! How are-”

“The two of you are not alone.” Master Fu clarified. “Gris is to join you alongside a new ally. With you four, you must do what it takes to defeat this akuma. If not,” Master Fu lowered his gaze. “Hawkmoth might just get his hands on several miraculous tonight.”

Nino gulped, feeling unspeakable pressure pushing down on him. 

Looking down at the bracelet, Nino furrowed his brows, slipping it on. Wayzz appeared before him, smiling at him.

“Don’t worry Master Fu. I will do what it takes to protect my team, the miraculous and the people of Paris! I will not let Hawkmoth win! Wayzz, shell on!”

---

Chat’s ears twitched when he heard a thud from behind him, turning to see Carapace walking towards him.

“About time you came.” Chat said, greeting Carapace. Gris waved at the turtle hero who returned the gesture.

“Master Fu mentioned having a new member. So, where are they?”

“A new user?” Gris asked, wondering why she didn’t get the memo.

“I would like to introduce you two to our newest member.” 

The three turned to where Chat gestured, watching as a person with golden horns emerged from the doorway that led to their training grounds on the Montparnasse Tower. 

“Hello everyone. My name is Ryuuko, wielder of the Dragon miraculous. I hope to be of some help.”

“Woah, she has a whole katana by her side! Is that allowed?” Carapace asked, stretching to see the black sheath that held the katana.

“Carapace. Focus.” Chat stern said. “It’s our job to deal with this akuma as soon as possible. As you know, Queen Bee is down and Ladybird might be due to her absence. 

For this to be a success, Ryuuko, you are in charge of finding a way to lift up this fog to help with the search. Gris, multiply and scatter yourself around the city for any hints of where the akuma might be.” 

“Got it.” “Roger that!” Ryuuko and Gris said, jumping off to complete their tasks.

“What about us?” Carapace asked.

“I want you to look for Lila Rossi. She’s who the akuma is after.”

“Right. But what about you?”

“I’ll keep searching around this area. Something tells me to stay put.” Chat said. 

He watched as Carapace nodded, leaving him by himself.

Chat looked out towards the city, wondering if he was up to the job, if he was able to shine a candle to Ladybird, now that she was nowhere to be found. Would he be able to save Chloe? Marinette?

Sighing, Chat looked up to the sky, shutting his eyes firmly.

“What should I do, what should I do...Mom?”

NEXT

[splicejunction]

okay now i am desperately curious to know your canon on what happened in between xforce annual 1999 and xfi #43!! your brain is massive and good

YES okay sorry this took me so long I was gathering my thoughts. so I recently have been giving this a lot of thought but I haven’t really got a concrete Sequence of Events. anyways so annual 1999 isn’t chronologically the last time we see him before xfi #43 because (I am fairly sure) it takes place before xforce #76 (which is the one where ‘star and domino fight in madripoor while rictor is held hostage). it doesn’t REALLY matter though. the next time you see shatterstar is in the x-force shatterstar miniseries (2005) which is followed chronologically by x-force volume 2 (2004). then after that you don’t see him until xfi #43 (2009).

as before do me a favor and don’t reblog thanks. here we go:

**technically he shows up in civil war: xmen (2006) and I think 1 issue of cable and deadpool (?) but its really not relevant to the plot.

so the way I see it is here’s what happened: rictor and shatterstar left xforce in xforce #70 and went to mexico to take down the richter family arms dealing operation. they also wanted to get some space from xforce to figure their shit out. which, I have to say, going on a crusade against a whole bunch of arms dealers is not the ideal setting for working out your relationship but hey, what do I know. this goes on for a bit, and things actually go pretty well which can be seen by the fact that they shared a bed in xforce annual 1999 :)

I actually think a fairly significant amount of time passes and its not just nonstop fight guys destroy guns like they have some really nice, almost normal time together, and this is the time where their relationship develops the most!

until eventually the thing goes down in oaxaca where rictor gets captured and arcade takes shatterstar to madripoor to fight against domino (this is in xforce #76). after this they carry on for a bit but it starts to get hard because A) rictor feels like a liability (Classic. I love him so much you know I just wish he loved himself some more) and B) ric is worried ‘star is only still with him because it’s all he (’star) knows and it makes ric doubt whether their relationship is real or just a product of being stuck together through so much shit.

eventually ric is basically like “you gotta leave me and figure out who you are beyond me” but (ric doesn’t realize this) shatterstar kind of already did after that the first time ric left in xforce #45 (and this is something I’ve actually given A LOT of thought to). like he kind of had to because of the whole ben russell stuff, doubting his identity gave him the space to think about what it means to have an identity in the first place. like after the initial “what the fuck” of it all its like coming to accept that whether his life on mojoworld was real or not, he is still a whole person with possibly a whole future and he gets to decide how it goes.

unfortunately 'star doesn’t really have the skills to communicate this in a way rictor will understand. like he can’t explain how he really HAS become his own person because he still kind of doesn’t understand the whole benjamin deal and also lacks the proper words to explain how it is for him to be who he is, so they have this whole argument and rictor is like “you don’t care about me you've just learned what it looks like to care about someone and you’re imitating it with me because I am the only thing that’s familiar to you” and long story short they go their separate ways. Pain.

shatterstar ends up drifting for awhile and then going back to madripoor voluntarily because xforce is all people he doesnt know (this is at the end of v1 when the team gets completely different) and hes like well I guess I can fight. and a LOT happens here I haven’t expanded much but he spends a while just doing fights and stuff and the only sort of concrete event I have is that He eventually loses in a hair match (like in wrestling) and they shave his head. which is why he has short hair in xfi because I REFUSE to believe he would do that voluntarily.

also at some point here the whole shit goes down with the fuckin uhhh blade of whatever in the xforce shatterstar miniseries and also he goes to the alternate universe where spiral has taken over. this is xforce volume 2 which is genuinely a garbage comic. even by rob liefeld standards, it fucking sucks. the xforce shatterstar mini has some redeeming qualities like the “light pierces my eyes and I’ve returned to the coliseum” bit as well as “i force my body to yield, to ignore every impulse, demanding that I bury my sword within this mans chest. ending his life in the most violent way possible” which is a really good illustration of A) how far he’s come and B) how much he’s going through it right now.

I also do want to bring up one thing about xforce volume 2. there’s a bit where he says “if I am to be such a failure as a man, then let me succeed as a weapon of mass destruction” and later he says “...as much of a posturing fool as I am” and I have read every shatterstar comic multiple times and this is literally the only example I know of where he talks about himself in such a self-deprecating way. this is why I think things were seriously fucked for him between annual 1999 and xfi 43. I think he and rictor definitely had some kind of falling out or breakup and it’s largely because the way he is in the 2005 mini and xforce v2 are soooooooo .... it’s like he regresses back to the way he was in very early xforce but with added edgelord moments. like he talks about failing to learn to be human and failing to be more than a weapon and yes this can be explained easily by the fact that these are liefeld books but. I choose to interpret meaning where there likely is none. that post about skateboarding up a flight of stairs, you know?

anyways, some more time passes, he ends up with domino somehow and they do some shit in the civil war: xmen mini and then after that I haven’t really figured it out but eventually he gets cortex’d and then you have xfactor #43. I do think that since cortex is a madrox dupe and madrox knew about rictor and shatterstar’s relationship it is likely that cortex sought ‘star out specifically to Get rictor in that storyline. but idk.

yeah that’s.... thats it. that’s all I got for now.

[lloydskywalkers]

in which the monastery almost burns down again

....and it is, technically, Lloyd’s fault this time. 

This is absolute unforgiving fluff, because I was in the mood and every time I try to write this family being functional it spirals out of control. But also I love Lloyd and he deserves happiness, so here’s a very quickly written birthday fic that I’m not entirely sure I finished but I have two hours left to post ahhhHHH

(Takes place just after the Final Battle, and I’m assuming that an entire year hasn’t passed so they’ve never actually ran into Lloyd’s birthday until now.)

Lloyd would’ve gotten away with it, too, if Cole hadn’t decided to insist on flu shots that year.

“Lloyd, it’ll take five minutes.”

“Yeah, five minutes for you to schedule an appointment, which I don’t need.”

Cole eyes him skeptically. “So you’re saying you don’t remember how sick you got last winter.”

Lloyd grimaces. “That was…different.”

“No, that was the flu,” Cole sighs. “Look, we’re all getting shots, but it’ll be a lot more trouble if you don’t fill out your medical applications so we can get coverage.” He bites his lip, glaring at the computer screen. Zane’s alone had taken him the better part of the morning, and Zane had been cooperative.

Lloyd remains stubborn. “Sorry, I think I hear Sensei calling me—“

“We both know he’s out right now, Lloyd.”

Lloyd grumbles something inaudible.

“Please, just sit down with me for five minutes?” Cole tries a different, probably-mean-but-he’s-at-the-end-of-his-rope-here, tactic. “I mean, now that you’re not so little, I thought you’d be up for it.”

Lloyd makes a face, his expression working. The transition from shooting up to a teenager in the span of a minute has been…something, but Lloyd’s been handling the maturity aspect rather well, if only out of sheer stubbornness (and the general weight of the world). He finally deflates, pulling himself atop the table so he can stare down imperiously at Cole.

“Fine. But I make no promises about shots.”

Cole meets his gaze head-on. “If you try and hide in the air vents instead of going again, I’m going let Zane have full-reign over desserts for the next month.”

“You wouldn’t,” Lloyd hisses at him, scandalized. “You know Zane doesn’t believe in dessert! He’ll just give us fruit.” Lloyd’s nose crinkles in distaste, and Cole hides a grin.

“Fruit isn’t all that bad, you know.”

“Says the cake-hog.”

“I told you, that was Jay, and it was my cake anyways.”

“Sounds like a bunch’a lies, to me—“

He finally gets Lloyd’s application pulled up, and cuts the argument he definitely would have won short.

They’re getting to these flu shot appointments no matter what it takes, because the Final Battle was enough trouble on its own, and no one in this family is going to fall prey a crippling illness and ruin the rest of the year they have left, if Cole can help it.

Despite his initial stubbornness, Lloyd is at least more cooperative than Kai was. Cole manages to get his height — geez he’s short — his weight — maybe they should be increasing his desserts, actually — and then spends a good fifteen minutes arguing over his eye color before they get stuck on the allergies section, then skip a good few sections until they’re close to the end of the application.

“Birthday,” Cole sighs, rubbing his temples.

“September twenty-second,” Lloyd says, through a mouth of popcorn — a compromise, since it is technically junk food, but also healthy enough to—

Wait. Cole frowns, then quickly checks the date on the little calendar icon.

Today is September twenty-fourth.

“Lloyd,” Cole says slowly, a creeping sort of dread making its way up his spine. “Repeat that?”

“September twenty-second,” Lloyd echoes, a bit slower this time.

Cole stares at him. “Like September twenty-second…as in two days ago?”

“Yeah,” Lloyd nods, throwing a kernel of popcorn in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. He pouts as it misses, landing on the floor instead. Cole doesn’t even lecture him — he’s too busy having a mini-crisis.

“Your birthday was two days ago.”

“Yeah?” Lloyd’s beginning to look annoyed. “That’s what I said. I can write it down for you, if you want.”

“No, that’s—“ Cole blinks rapidly, running a hand over his face. “Wha— why didn’t you say something?”

“Why would I?” Lloyd frowns.

Cole…does not entirely understand what’s going on here.

“Why— because it’s your birthday!” he finally exclaims. Darn it, he’s never missed a birthday before — he even managed to pin down Zane’s, who had claimed he didn’t have a birthday. Now his record is broken, and worse, it’s broken on his baby brother. “We would’ve — we would’ve celebrated, why didn’t you say something?”

Lloyd’s shoulders hunch, and he looks a little on the defensive side now. “I mean, it’s not that big a deal,” he says. “I’m just a little older. S’nothing to get worked up over.”

“Not that big a deal — it’s your birthday!”

“I know that, Cole.”

“I mean, didn’t you ever do anything back—“

He pauses. Oh.

Oh no. Cole is starting to understand what’s going on here, and he doesn’t like it.

Lloyd gives him a strained, painful-looking smile, that’s honestly a terrible excuse of a smile in the first place.

“Darkley’s isn’t really big on birthdays,” he says, with a brittle kind of laughter Cole isn’t used to hearing from his youngest brother. “They didn’t really, uh, care. At all. Kinda just made you a target for the day, ‘cause you were older now, so you could take more hits, you know?”

Cole nods on blank instinct, like that’s totally normal and makes perfect sense. On second thought, why hadn’t they punted any of those kids off the roof of Darkley’s when they’d had the chance? Scratch that, why hadn’t they hunted the teachers down and punted them off?

“So yeah, not a big deal,” Lloyd shrugs. He laughs, that false kind of one again. “I mean, it’s not like I even know how old I am anyways, right? Tomorrow’s Tea, and stuff.” He slides off the table, giving Cole a grin. “Guess that means I can’t fill out the rest of the application, oops! Bummer.”

Lloyd makes a break for the hallway, slipping briefly in his socks before he grabs the doorframe, glaring at Cole. “And you better not put Zane on dessert.”

Then he’s escaped down the hall, leaving Cole to stare after him with his slowly-combusting mess of emotions.

Oooh boy, Kai’s gonna love this.

*********

Kai, as expected, takes it the worst.

“We missed Lloyd’s birthday?” he croaks, looking like he’s moments from tearing up.

“It was two days ago,” Cole says, shaking his head. “Two days. We did clean-up that day! We spent his entire birthday hauling debris around the city.”

“Oh, no,” Nya moans into her hands, where she’s yet to look up from since Cole broke the news.

“I can’t believe I missed this,” Zane says, looking appalled with himself. “I am normally better with dates…”

“Why didn’t he say anything?’ Jay exclaims. “Poor kid, he’s gotta hate us—“

“No, see, he wasn’t even upset,” Cole throws his hands in the air. “Guys, I don’t think he even knows how to celebrate his birthday. He got all tight-lipped about it when I asked, then said that Darkley’s ‘wasn’t big on birthdays’ and something about getting hit, and are we sure we didn’t save the names of his old teachers somewhere?"

Ah, maybe he shouldn’t have said that last part. Kai might actually be crying now.

“Those heartless punks,” Nya’s hissing, her head raised so her eyes can spear everyone with what’s practically lasers burning in them. “Those malicious jerks. What kind of stupid school—“

“I mean, Kai was a human piñata once, so we know it’s legal,” Jay says, his eyes sparking. “That’d be pretty festive.”

“Wha— no, Jay, no one’s getting used as a human piñata.”

“Tell that to Nya,” Jay sulks. Cole finally picks up on the conversation happening beside him, with no small amount of alarm.

“Nya, we are not giving Lloyd the teeth of his old school teachers as a birthday present.”

“I didn’t say we’d be giving them to Lloyd, just that I’d kick them out—“

“No one’s messing with anyone else’s teeth!” Cole yelps, waving his arms between them. He suddenly frowns. “Hold on, maybe I should schedule dentist appointments while I’m at it—“

“No!” comes the united chorus. To Cole’s disappointment, Zane’s voice has joined in as well.

“Lloyd’s birthday is what’s important right now, Cole,” Kai glares.

Well….point. But he’s still gonna put ‘make dentist appointments’ on a sticky note later.

“Okay, so we missed Lloyd’s birthday,” Nya says, determinedly. “That’s bad. What do we do?”

“We’re a pretty half-rate family,” Jay muses.

“Obviously, we made a mistake,” Zane says, sagely. “So we must correct it, and throw him a birthday party to show that we are not, in fact, a half-rate family.”

Cole points at Zane. “Now there’s a better plan.”

“So like, the best birthday party ever, to make up for all the ones he’s missed,” Kai nods.

“Yeah, we’re making up for what, how many years worth of missed birthdays?” Cole asks.

They all fall silent, staring at the table pensively.

“Do we count the Tomorrow’s Tea for missed years or not,” Jay whispers.

Kai kicks him in the leg. “Of course we do!” he says, hotly. “That whole thing sucked, he’d better get something out of it.”

“Also, I don’t think Lloyd would be thrilled if we threw him a ten year-old birthday party,” Nya mutters.

“Ten years?” Cole frowns. “Is that right?”

“Yeah,” Nya says, just as Kai goes “No, it’s nine.”

They both stare at each other.

“Uh oh,” Jay murmurs.

“So clearly, we will not be putting a number on this cake,” Zane rubs his head wearily.

“No, no, we can figure this out,” Cole insists. “Maybe like, his parents will know?”

The others nod, just as Nya’s head snaps up.

“Woah woah wait, hold on a second.” Her eyebrows are furrowed, the growing look on her face thunderous. “Lloyd was with us the whole day, so we know for a fact that no one remembered his birthday.”

“Yeah, and?”

Nya looks at Kai again, who blinks rapidly, before a look that promises trouble crosses his face.

“Maybe we should bring his parents in on this conversation.”

*********

To Garmadon’s credit, he looks even more horrified than Kai did.

“No,” he says, frantically. “Lloyd’s birthday isn’t — no, it’s September already?”

To also be fair, Garmadon was very recently exorcised of some very nasty, mind-affecting snake venom. He’s kind of been through a lot.

“Yeah, it is,” Nya says hotly, clearly not in the mindset of being fair. “And Lloyd’s birthday was two days ago!”

Misako’s head is buried in her hands on the table. “Two months,” she’s lamenting in despair. “I promised Lloyd I’d be better and I made it two months.”

Kai is still arguing with Sensei Wu, while Jay is either attempting to defuse the situation or convince Wu that an exploding cake is a good idea.

“—lost track of time, after the Final Battle, you must understand how chaotic it’s been—“

“Then why didn’t you write it on your calendar or something?!”

“I don’t have a calendar.”

“Well there’s your first problem—“

“Which could be solved! By cake!”

It’s not until Zane shoots him a desperate look that Cole decides to finally speak up.

“Look, guys — hey, look,” he shoulders his way to the middle of the tense huddle they’ve managed to make in the monastery’s sitting room. He takes a minute to thank that Lloyd’s on patrol right now, instead of a room over where he could very easily hear his entire family arguing over who’s fault it is that they forgot his birthday.

“Look,” Cole sighs, once he’s (miraculously) managed to get everyone quiet for a minute. “That’s not the important thing now, okay? The important — lip it, Kai — the important thing, is that we’re going to fix it. Got it?”

While Garmadon and Wu look a little affronted at being ordered around in such a way, the others nod in agreement, and that’s all Cole needs. He’s had enough of the First Spinjitzu Master’s family drama in the past few months, Wu and Garmadon can suck it up.

“Lloyd gets back from patrol in an hour,” he continues. “So if we’re gonna throw a party by this evening, we need to distract him.”

“This evening?” Wu muses. “Isn’t that a bit soon?”

He realizes his mistake a second too late. He’s immediately set upon by four viciously gleeful students chorusing: “Never put off ’til tomorrow what you can do today, Sensei—“

“Alright, alright,” Wu ducks his head.  He mutters under his breath, “I didn’t think I’d be paying for that one so soon.”

“Anyways, distraction,” Cole repeats. “We need someone to make sure he stays out of here the rest of the day, who’s game?”

Kai immediately volunteers, followed shortly by Jay. Cole eyes them shrewdly.

“Let me rephrase,” he says. “Who can keep it a secret long enough for us to surprise him?”

Kai shifts guiltily, and Jay bites his lip.

“I mean, I probably could…” he says, slowly. Cole does not have confidence in that statement. He looks to Zane.

“You’re the only one I trust,” he says, solemnly.

Zane shakes his head with a wry smile. “I’ll bring him back by dinner, will that give you enough time?”

“Totally,” Cole nods, just as Jay says, “Not even close.”

In hindsight, Jay is probably more correct, but Cole will eat dirt before he admits that.

*********

With even further hindsight, Jay is really correct.

“We need presents,” Kai is saying, as he struggles to drag in the truly ridiculous amount of streamers he and Jay purchased. “What can we get for Lloyd that’s acceptable in the next two hours?”

Garmadon purses his lips, glancing briefly at Wu. “Our father’s tradition was normally just a larger sword.”

“Like Lloyd even needs a sword now,” Jay reminds them.

“Why don’t we play it safe, and get him candy, or something?”

“What, you want to encourage his sweet tooth?”

“I don’t hear you coming up with any ideas.”

“What about a mech?”

“That didn’t end so great the last time, remember?”

“There’s always those cursed scrolls, I suppose,” Garmadon muses.

Cole glares at him. “Stop suggesting death weapons!”

“They aren’t all death weapons,” Garmadon huffs. “I’m simply saying, he might appreciate the finer weaponry in life—“

Misako, at least, suggests something nice and safe, like comics. Nya likes that idea, though she also wants to find a complete signed edition of the Starfarer movies, which leads to a heated debate with Jay because “they aren’t movies, Nya, it’s a TV show, and you can’t just buy signed editions, they’re priceless—“

Cole, who has better things to do than watch Jay shoot his romantic life in the foot for the day, wearily takes the end of a streamer from Sensei and helps him put it up. Kai is on the other side, still pushing for a pet.

“What about a cat, though,” he pleads. “Cats are quiet, and they don’t need as much attention.”

“Lloyd would give it much attention,” Cole mutters.

“Exactly,” Sensei Wu sighs. “The monastery is not a place meant for pets. And besides, after his victory against the Overlord, Lloyd will be on the road more often than not. It simply isn’t the time and place for a pet. He has a dragon, I am sure he’ll be fine.”

Kai looks mildly devastated by this answer, and Cole makes a mental note to make sure Kai doesn’t sneak any animals in any time soon. This can come after the mental note that he can’t forget about those flu shots, which comes after the other mental note that they really need to get started on a cake if they’re gonna have one in time.

“He likes that kind with the sprinkles baked in,” Nya informs him.

“Funfetti,” Cole nods. Good tastes in cakes, a family trait. Nya, who clearly does not appreciate good cakes, simply shrugs.

“Sure. With lots of frosting, of course.”

“Great, that shouldn’t be too hard,” Cole decides. “And Jay grabbed candles while he was getting streamers, so we should be set. Let’s get on making that.”

“Oh no,” Kai suddenly groans. They all look at him. “Guys, we sent Zane to distract Lloyd.”

Jay frowns. “So?”

Kai spears him with a look. “That means Zane can’t make the cake.”

An icy silence of horror drops over the room. They all look to each other.

“I’m out,” Cole says.

“I’m still relearning what I can even eat as a human,” Garmadon moans.

“I’m…adequate, at best,” Misako grimaces.

“My cooking ends with coffee,” Nya says, despairingly.

“I can make ramen?” Jay offers.

Kai stares at them. He looks incredulously at Sensei Wu, who shrugs.

“I can make tea cake.”

Kai looks like he’s resisting the urge to roll his eyes back into his head. “Okay, I’m making the cake, since all you are disasters.” He shakes his head, grumbling to himself. “—have you even survived this long, Zane and I pulling all the weight—“

Cole thinks that last statement is rather unwarranted, but Kai can actually reliably make food without burning the house down — ironically enough — so he’s not about to pick an argument with their best bet.

So he focuses on settling another argument, instead.

“How many candles are we putting on this cake, by the way?”

He’s sorely disappointed.

“The Tomorrow’s Tea can be a bit unpredictable,” Sensei Wu says, his eyes guilty. “I…cannot exactly say how many years it would add.”

Cole resists the urge to roll his own eyes into the back of his head. “Thanks for nothing,” he mutters.

“Okay, well we can at least find out how old he was, and work from there,” Nya says, resolutely. She turns on Garmadon. “How old would Lloyd be this year, if he hadn’t aged?”

“Um,” Garmadon says. His expression contorts, eyes going distant. “He was born in that one fall that the coast got hit by a hurricane, so that would make him, ah…let’s see…”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“I was overcome by the vicious blood of the Great Devourer soon after, years blur together when you’re immortal!”

Misako rolls her eyes, turning to Nya. “I remember, at least. This year he’d be—“

Cole misses the end of her statement as another vicious round of arguing breaks out behind him between Jay and Kai, who are supposed to be watching the cake in the oven.

“I’m his older brother, I’m bringing the cake out.”

“What, like the rest of us aren’t?”

“No, but I’m like — Lloyd’s supreme older brother, so clearly—“

“Oh please, you lost him to the Serpentine in an arcade—“

“Hey, that’s sensitive! And I rescued him afterwards!”

“Yeah, after you had an existential crisis—“

“For the last time, today is not about you,” Cole hisses, wedging between them and pushing them apart. “Cut that out, or I’m gonna think the Tomorrow’s Tea aged you down.”

Jay and Kai glare at each other, but they comply. Cole sighs.

“Look, Kai, you’re the overbearing brother and that’s valid, but I need you front and center when Lloyd walks in,” he says, as he takes the cake out of the oven.

“Why?” Kai frowns, as he begins frosting the cake, seemingly heedless of how hot it still is. Cole watches him in despair for a minute before answering.

“Because you’re the person he’s least likely to blast on instinct if the surprise goes wrong.”

They both make a face, but then shrug. “Point, I guess,” Jay says, tossing the box of candles from hand to hand. “Better him than me.” He glances at Cole. “So, how many candles we sticking on?”

Cole glances back to the now-decorated sitting room, where Wu, Garmadon and Misako are still locked in argument with Nya over…who knows what now.

You know what, he thinks. It’s not worth it.

“Just…stick a bunch on,” he sighs. “They can be, like, a symbol of light, or something.”

“If you say so,” Jay snorts. He proceeds to cram as many candles as he can on the cake, following Kai’s path as he frosts it. Cole watches in trepidation.

“Hey guys, Zane says he’s running out of ideas, so we’d better hurry it — woah, that’s a lot of candles.”

Nya blinks at the cake, frowning at Jay. “You know that’s gonna be a lot of fire when they’re lit, right?”

“And is there a problem with that?” Kai sniffs.

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” Jay waves her off before she can retort. “They’re trick candles, you know? Like the sparky ones that keep relighting? It’s gonna be great, haha.”

Great does not seem to be a word Nya agrees with, if the expression on her face is any giveaway, but they are running out of time and Cole can’t deal with this right now.

“Great, just finish it up, okay?” he says, hastily. “Zane and Lloyd are gonna be back any minute, and we still don’t have a—“

The unmistakeable roar of the Ultradragon comes from just outside the monastery, followed by the loud flapping of wings. Everyone goes still enough that if they were in a sitcom, this would be hilarious, but they’re not, and Cole’s going to lose his mind.

“Light the candles,” he hisses at Kai and Jay, who have frozen in horror. “Light the candles and turn the lights off, go go go!”

*********

Lloyd does not end up blasting Kai in the face with a beam of golden power, which is mildly disappointing.

But he does jump a good three feet in the air, his eyes going the size of dinner plates as he makes a sound like a surprised cat, and Cole thinks that’s just as satisfying.

Not as satisfying as the megawatt smile he wears while turning red as Kai’s gi as they all sing off-key to him, of course, but pretty close.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t delay longer,” Zane apologizes to Cole, as they both watch Lloyd dance around the cake, trying to get the candles to extinguish while Jay and Kai laugh mercilessly at him. “He was beginning to grow suspicious, and I probably checked my phone too many times.”

“You did great,” Cole assures him. A bright flash goes off around the room as Misako snaps a picture, capturing Garmadon tightly embracing his son. Cole shakes his head, his lips quirking. “I really don’t think we could’ve pulled off anything better, anyways. Probably best that you got here before it could get—“

The cake chooses this moment to go nuclear, Jay’s candles lighting up blindingly bright as everyone shrieks, jumping back.

“—any more out of hand,” Cole finishes weakly. Zane quickly darts forward with a yelp, helping Kai — who’s extinguishing the candles with his bare hands, the maniac — eliminate the fire hazard.

Lloyd is the one laughing now, bright giggles as Jay feels at the ends of his singed hair, yelping. His laughter is cut short as Kai plants a firm hand on the back of his head shoves his face directly into the candle-cleared frosting, Nya egging him on from behind.

“Hey, we all have to eat that!” Cole yelps, darting forward. This proves to be a fatal mistake, as he steps in front of Kai just as Lloyd’s trying to get him back by chucking cake at his face.

Well, at least it’s Funfetti, Cole thinks, wiping frosting from his eyes.

Lloyd’s eyes go wide. “Cole, I’m sorry, I was aiming for Kai—“

Cole shakes his head, patting Lloyd on the back. “It’s fine, green machine,” he says. His grin turns evil, and he shoves the hand on Lloyd’s back down, forcing him back into the cake. “Happy Birthd—agh!”

Somehow, they (read: Zane) manage to salvage enough of the cake that it’s still edible, an between the streamers and music Jay starts blaring, it’s a fairly nice party, as far as ones that are whipped up in an hour go. Everyone’s crashed on the couches around the sitting room, finishing the last of their cake, and as long as Jay doesn’t manage to offend anyone, it should be a pretty peaceful evening, all in all.

“A thousand,” Jay’s guessing at Garmadon, his eyebrows drawn together in concentration.

Garmadon’s mouth twitches, and he exchanges glances with Wu. “Incorrect.”

“Oh, come on,” Nya throws her arms up. “Higher or lower?”

Garmadon turns his palms up. “What do you think?”

Jay coughs. “Loaded question.”

Nya looks determined though, and she answers. “Higher.”

Misako snorts into her tea, and Garmadon looks mildly offended. “I hope you’re drawing that conclusion by looking at Wu,” he mutters.

“They can’t be that old,” Kai argues, through a mouthful of cake. He nudges Lloyd with his foot from where he’s sprawled across the couch. “Hey Lloyd, how old’s your dad?”

Lloyd shrugs. “Not sure” he says. There’s a gleam in his eye. “I could maybe tell you, if you guess how old I am.”

“Oh, you sneak—“

“Wait, I have another guess!” Jay’s lips twitch. “Four hundred and twenty.”

That kicks off an entirely different debate, most of which is concerning whether Garmadon and Wu actually get what the joke is, so Cole decides to remove himself from the conversation by clearing plates. Just before anything gets heated.

He’s made it halfway to the kitchen by the time he’s realized Lloyd’s following him, and he jerks his head toward what’s left of the cake. “Want some more? It was your face that went in, so it should be fine for you.”

Lloyd shakes his head, and spears him with a look. “Tattle tale,” he accuses, but his eyes are warm, and the corner of the mouth is twitching with the smile he’s holding back.

Cole flicks his eyes skywards. “I know you said it’s not a big deal,” he replies, fondly. “But it is to us.”

Lloyd ducks his head, flushing with a small, shy kind of smile. Cole ruffles his hair, before continuing. “We didn’t scrounge up a present in time, but if I know Kai, you’ll probably get something stupidly big from everyone in the next few days.”

“You guys don’t have to do that,” Lloyd laughs, a bit breathlessly. “This is—“ He pauses, an odd, watery kind of expression crossing his face before he shakes his head. “This is a present enough.”

Cole smiles at that. “Better than Darkley’s?”

Lloyd laughs, for real this time, without that tense bitterness. “A million times better than Darkley’s,” he grins. “A zillion.”

“Good,” Cole nods, satisfied. “It’s not over yet, either. Nya and Jay made a whole list of terrible party games they’re gonna force you to try out.”

“Oh yeah?” Lloyd says, looking faintly nervous.

“Oh yeah,” Cole grins. “There’s this really great birthday tradition I grew up with, where you make the birthday person sit in the middle and everyone has to go around saying something nice about them.”

Lloyd goes scarlet at the mere thought of it, and Cole’s grin grows wider.

“Please don’t,” he murmurs.

Cole takes mercy on him, flicking a bit of frosting from his blond hair. “We’ll pick something else instead, then.”

He’ll just spring it on him when he’s not suspecting it later, anyways. It’ll do the kid good to hear that people care about him.

If Cole’s learned anything from this family, it’s that.

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League #2 (1987)

I didn't know Orgazmo was in this comic book.

Once again, I'm surprised by how quickly an old comic book I read years ago gets to some of the stories I think of as major story arcs. These pseudo-Marvel heroes on the cover are the precursor to The Extremists whom I remember as major antagonists to this team. I don't know if The Extremists appear any time soon though. First, the Justice League have to deal with these peaceniks. Only after they've become allies with Blue Jay and Bald Thor and Brown Scarlet Witch do the Extremists finally come to destroy Earth. The issue begins with Kevin Maguire going, "Look at these lips. You like these lips and this mouth. Well, you're gonna get lots of them! Even Maxwell Lord gets some lovely pouty face slugs!"

I'm sorry for referring to lips as "face slugs."

Batman's main goal is to get to the bottom of how Doctor Light became a member of his League. He'd already hired Black Canary so why would he need another woman in the group? Isn't a ratio of eight men to one woman good enough?! I'm counting Oberon in the number of men just to make it seem even more lopsided. Although Doctor Fate has already ditched (and will become a woman soon anyway, right?!) so, not including Oberon, that makes the ratio six to one! Getting better! Plus add Doctor Light since she was on the cover and has somehow forced her way in, a ratio of six to two! That's three to one if you reduce it! Which is practically one to one if you squint and put your fingers in your ears and go, "Nyah nyah nyah! Everything is already equal! Why are women fighting for more than they already have?!" Anyway, my point was: Fucking Batman. What a monster!

I wouldn't think a sleeveless vest with a wacky collar layered on top of a turtle neck with elbow length white gloves would look so cool!

I prefer to concentrate on Guy's outfit rather than his misogyny and lack of intelligence and terrible haircut. In this issue is an advert for the all new Dr. Fate four issue mini-series by Giffen and DeMatteis. So that solves the mystery of why he was sort of included in the first issue. He was basically a commercial. Jack Ryder's gossip television show has been trying to portray the new Justice League in a negative light because that's the kind of reporting that gets eyeballs and raises revenue. Maybe if people's lives weren't so boring, they wouldn't eat up all that hot take drama shit from people like Jack Ryder and Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson and Laura Ingraham. I suppose I shouldn't wonder how rational people watch that shit because most people, rational or not, are just looking for somebody to repeat their inner views back to them. And Fox News has honed that ability to a razor edge. Sometimes I imagine Sean Hannity doesn't believe the stupid shit he comes up with but then I remember my high school and college friend Soy Rakelson and I think, "Oh yeah. He actually believes that shit."

I recently found this letter by Soy from our college paper. It's been in my head since 1994 when I could not fucking believe he wrote it. Poor, poor discriminated Soy, self-declared "Defender of Western Civilization."

One small note about Soy: maybe a month or two after Trump became president, he quietly disappeared from Facebook for good. I won't speculate on why but I suppose if I spent some time trying, I'd probably come up with his actual reasoning. After Guy throws another tantrum that has to be quelled by Batman, Doctor Fate gets a scene of his own! I guess he didn't completely disappear from the comic book. At least not yet. Although, if Doctor Fate sticks around for a dozen or more issues, I'm going to feel even more shitty than I already feel about my memory. Doctor Fate visits some purple haired guy who sees everything as gray and warns him to take back up his destiny. I don't know who it is. The only purple haired character I remember is Pariah. But what is his destiny other than to watch worlds burn? Also, he has other selves across the world reaching into people's souls. Is he Jim Corrigan? I have no idea! Meanwhile, Blue Jay, Wandjina, and Silver Sorceress (whose costume is brown), from Earth-Marvel-Parodies (or some other new world, I suppose. In 1987, there was just one Earth left, right?), are busy dismantling Bialya's nuclear arsenal. Bialya is one of DC's evil countries. Sometimes you don't want to write a story that exists in a gray world; you just want pure black and white, good and evil. When that's the case, you have the heroes battle Bialyans! Blue Jay and friends are here to rid the Earth of all their nuclear weapons so as to save it from the fate that befell their homeworld. The leader of Bialya sees an opportunity for mischief and power and the destruction of America, so he greets them with open arms. Rumaan Harjavti, the leader of Bialya, teams up with Blue Jay and Friends to help guide them to other nations who have nuclear weapons that need to be disposed of. The first country he sends them to is Israel. Probably because it's close by and not because he has ulterior racist motives. Guy Gardner hears the news and is thrilled because he gets a boner imagining a world where only Ronald Reagan has control over a nuclear arsenal.

When he first mentioned Ronnie, I thought it was a mistake. I forgot how old this comic book is!

Batman is all, "We're going to stop these peaceniks from making the world a safer place!" Because if there's one story that can't be told enough it's the one where we all learn a lesson about how the ends do not justify the means, no matter how amazing the ends will be and how messy the means are. I suppose the ends justify the means if the means are compassionately thought out and done with respect for all parties' opinions! So maybe sometimes the ends justify the means? Or does the statement not work that way because the point is that you can't just make that blanket statement. Like, do you murder five million people to save one little girl's life? Probably not! Or do I have it completely wrong and everybody thinks the ends do justify the means? Anyway, Batman doesn't think world peace should be achieved through the destruction of other people's dangerous property. It's basically the same story that season one of Stargirl just told. The Injustice Society of America wants to make the world a leftist dreamscape but at the cost of 25 million lives or something. And the Justice Society is all, "Well, we really like your manifesto. We agree with all of these points. But maybe the cost is too high?" So in the end, I was left supporting the Injustice Society of America because I guess I believe the ends do justify the means?! Also, I'm fairly certain I don't like a quarter of the population so good riddance? But also maybe the entire season of Stargirl was some sort of anti-leftist parable about how you have to let people come to their own decisions about saving the world because forcing them to get on board is rude and it's better if climate change destroys the world than to force one person to believe that manmade climate change is an actual thing? I had philosophical whiplash by the end of Stargirl season one. One character is all, "Murder is wrong!" and then goes and murders somebody and another character is all "I need revenge because this monster killed my parents!" and then he gets all merciful and lets Solomon Grundy go so he can kill other parents and the Injustice Society is all, "We'll kill indiscriminately to make the world a better place for our rich white kids!" and then their all, "A lot of rich white people's kids are going to die from our plan but that's okay because they're not ours." Also, the worst part of the show, the part of the show that I cannot forgive, is how they introduced us to Doctor Mid-Nite's sad owl back at the abandoned JSA headquarters and Luke Wilson is all, "Yeah, he's just waiting for Doctor Mid-Nite to return. It's sad, right? He just hangs out here alone super sad." And then Beth becomes the new Doctor Mid-Nite and you keep expecting the owl to befriend her but the owl never appears, ever again. Every episode, when the sad owl didn't appear onscreen, I was reminded of the sad owl. So every minute of every episode, I kept thinking, "Is the owl going to befriend Beth now?" And nothing. The season ends with the sad owl still super sad and all alone and fuck the writers and showrunners for that. I suppose they couldn't afford a CGI owl after ejaculating all of their CGI money on the five minute Solomon Grundy fight. I just digressed so much I need to take a shower.

Guy and I are in 99.5% agreement about the dismantling of nuclear weapons. That last bit is where he thinks the U.S.A. should get to keep theirs.

Everybody treats Guy Gardner like his argument isn't even worth listening to but they're all wrong! They're just treating him like a dumb jerk! Sure, I agree that the Justice League just can't take it upon themselves to rid the world of all nuclear weapons. I mean, do I?! Hmm. I'm not so sure I do agree with that! If Superman really cared about Earth, shouldn't he martyr himself by becoming the biggest criminal in the history of the entire world by destroying all nuclear weapons against the will of every nation that has them?! There are plenty of other planets in the DCU that he could go live on after becoming a giant Earth menace! Can't he even make that small sacrifice for the safety of his homeworld?! And if his actions cause some kind of horrible repercussions that cause the world to spiral into chaos, he can probably just blame Batman. Silver But Really Brown Sorceress questions if what they're doing is right. Bald Thor says, "In the end they'll thank us. And even if they don't, at least they'll be alive to hate us." See?! That's what I just said about Superman! He should totally take that bullet! That was not a tasteless George Reeves joke and even if somebody read it that way, it's been like a hundred years since his death! Blue Jay and Friends tell each other their origin story as they remember how their world was destroyed by nuclear weapons and how they decided to interfere with everybody else's lives because of it. I think their origin was supposed to make me see their side of things and feel empathy for them but it totally made me rethink their position and now I totally think they need to be stopped. Because I was fine when I thought the argument was "Destroy all nuclear weapons to save Earth." But I dislike the argument, "Something bad happened to me and now I have to make sure it never happens to anybody else no matter how annoying I make myself!" It's like when somebody's dumb kid gets hit by a bus while riding their bike and then they have to get a law passed making it illegal for busses to run over kids and to name the law after their kid and to get politicians who support the law because it doesn't really change anything (being that busses running over kids was probably already frowned upon if not illegal) but it's good press and makes it look like they're doing something. Then after the dumb law is passed, the parents of the dumb kid can say things like, "My baby didn't die in vain!" Even if that's totally untrue and their baby did die in vain and the law never actually makes the world a better place at all. Guy rushes in to stop Blue Jay and Friends all alone but fails because writers can't reward brash arrogant heroes who are mostly just big jerks. It would be unseemly.

So far, I've liked the bits with Captain Marvel but I'm still weirded out that he's a little boy in a grown man's muscular body.

Blue Jay and Friends fly into Bialyan airspace and the Justice League have to back off. But they'll get another chance to stop Blue Jay and Friends next issue when Blue Jay and Friends try to disarm Russia! Justice League #2 Rating: B+. It gets too complicated when super heroes bump up against the wall of political conflicts. When Batman points out that the Justice League can't chase Blue Jay and Friends into Bialyan airspace without creating an international incident, some readers might start questioning how super heroes can act even within the borders of one specific country! Surely every time they commit their vigilantism, they're creating a domestic incident! Don't make me start asking questions about the fundamental nature of masked people doing whatever the fuck they think is justice without the consent of any kind of laws or political powers, comic book! This is too heady for my tastes! I guess the whole point is to eventually have the Justice League backed by the United Nations so that the reader can think, "Okay, right. So they have the authority to do whatever they want now if I'm willing to believe the United Nations has any real authority at all!" And then the reader goes on to prove the moon landing never happened and that Project Cloverleaf rains human excrement down on our heads on a daily basis for some kind of Nazi experimentation.

[lifewithchronicpain-original]

Long post ahead, but I need to address this so I can move on.

Over ten years ago, I was really into atheism and debating theology on an atheist forum, and became popular as their first female member and eventually rose to moderator then administrator, setting up a lot of rules that they still have up posted in my username. I always find that funny.

I felt like I had met a great group of people with leftist politics and all that. I felt special because I was basically their token female until the forum gained more popularity. And then the owner added a kudos system to rate someone’s popularity and I was given many kudos for being able to argue against religion, mostly Christianity, so well and I even met up with the owner at Dragon*con one year.

Then a thread got into the topic of sexual objectification and this spiraled into an unpleasant discussion about rape culture. The same men I thought who appreciated what I had to say just didn’t listen anymore and I was viewed as being ridiculous. One was so offended he started putting typical MRA jokes in his signature. Also the guy I met decided he was now libertarian and whole heartedly believed regulation caused the 08’ crash. :/ I remember another guy on Facebook from my local atheist group agreeing with those men when I brought it up; and then said “oh come on, I’m an atheist, you know I’m not sexist!”

I was now facing the fact that this group of people I had enjoyed spending my time with online for about two years might praise me now, but when I would tread into territory that could make men face how they treat women, I was shut down and told a woman in a mini skirt is Just like a rich man with a visible wad of $100s in his back pocket. I was quickly understanding for the first time why there aren’t more women and POC in these “new atheist” groups. They thought their lack of religion immunized them because they blamed religion for racism and sexism. Conveniently ignoring they also believe religion was created by men and thus promoting their already established views of women and other races. Funny that.

At the same time (we had a few women on board but they were avoiding that conversation) a woman joined and spoke up. They ripped into her. I had the comfy cushion of my status, she had none. She was given all the negative kudos and when I talked to her privately I found out she was also a survivor.

I was facing so many arguments I knew were wrong but couldn’t fully articulate. That’s when I discovered what rape culture, as well as the Just world theory. That’s when I changed from becoming a feminist in label to a feminist in deeds and thoughts. I learned the responses to their arguments and then I learned I also don’t want to waste another minute on these men. I posted my goodbye explaining their responses have caused a lack of trust I can never get past because they refuse to even see how their so-called reason left the room when they started dealing with sexism.

The only man who defended me was the lone Christian who for some reason liked hanging out there. There was also a trans women there, she was very happy to agree with the men’s victim blaming and I never understood that. But it also taught me you can’t expect to know someone’s full politics just because you happen to agree or disagree on the issue of god, or really on anything.

I learned that belonging to a group of people on the surface doesn’t mean we’re all lock-step in ageeememt over every issue. I learned I can’t trust anyone who treats relationships and sex as something they deserve and not something you enter with mutual respect for boundaries. I’m not denying it hurts to be rejected and people can be rejected on prejudicial biases, but it’s still a situation that requires mutual consent and you can’t force that on people by calling them bigots. Shaming a woman into having sex with you because otherwise you’ll call her out, is essentially forced consent which is rape. I can’t say it plainer than that.

My consistent insistence that a woman’s boundaries are to be respected, that our sex lives are not political statements to be commented on, and that lesbians owe no one anything has ruffled a lot of feathers.’A lot of people don’t like that. I have seen this from MRA’s to variois online factions of bisexual and trans people (And to be very clear, not all, I don’t like painting a group with one brush) acting like lesbians not sleeping with them is an act of cruelty, a prejudice that must be corrected. In other words, “how dare you not let me get off this is a violation of my civil rights! Lesbians must be so privileged for dating other lesbians!” It’s really fucked up and everywhere on this site. And no, trying to dress it up in woke language like “you should really examine why you don’t like penises” isn’t better. Rather it betrays an obsession with getting penises into lesbians. Not all trans women have one, but that’s too pesky a detail when you’re obsessed with getting dick into a lesbian. And trust me as a lesbian, this is an obsession many people have.

I am seeing the same things that played out before playing out time and again in online spaces, where there’s little cost to being an asshole. People decided an issue is pivotal to their identity or whatever, and do everything they can to “other” people who don’t agree. They use their online social capital to try to shame people. They knowingly post call outs to attack decent people they just don’t agree with. If they can’t chase someone off the platform they’ll make it hell for that person if as much as they can. And they will resort to nasty sexist slurs because to these people nothing is worse than woman with a mind of her own. I’m no longer 25, I don’t seek the approval I used to, I can deal with online anxieties by not engaging. I know to block people and turn off anon. It hurts to be targeted for sure, but ten years later people trying to slander me online is more like water to a duck. But I’m not everyone and ten years ago this kind of online drama could be a suicide inducing event. But they don’t care.

I’m gonna let you in on a secret, the majority of political disagreements are not worth burning down the house and destroying every relationship over. Not only will you have no true friends, you will never challenge your beliefs, your beliefs will stagnate and you will never grow, never learn.

People might read this and assume that because I don’t think sex with a lesbian is a civil right that I must hate trans women. I don’t, that’s not who I am. I know what it’s like to question my gender, I suffer from mild disphoria. I can’t imagine what severe dysphoria is like and I don’t presume to assume what is right for everyone suffering from this. It is terrible, and no one deserves to be treated like shit for it. But that also doesn’t give some people (I emphasize, this is not every trans person’s doing) the right to attack women for talking about sexism, their vagina, pregnancy, or being a lesbian. I couldn’t give a rats ass if a lesbian and trans women get together, I have no right to judge or police that, but it’s okay to police lesbians? That’s fucked up, and let’s not pretend the same standard is applied to gay men, because it 100% is not.

Everyone, no matter the gender, is susceptible to sexism. Calling that out is not me saying I hate trans women, or I want to fight against trans advocacy or anything like that. I just want to talk about sexism and how it affects me as a female lesbian woman. No matter how hard you try, you can’t ID your way out of sexism, just like I, as a white person, cannot ID myself out of the racial bias I was taught from birth. These things are no different to me and has no bearing on me respecting pronouns and promoting issues of trans disability on this blog.

This one issue has painted me as a TERF, when my radical feminism (which I’ve never 100% agree with, one example is bathrooms, just let people pee! When people start monitoring bathrooms I get questioned because I’m GNC) has never been about misgendering and denying the painful realities of dysphoria. I believe and trust we can better understand transmisogyny when we better understand traditional misogyny. If one gender wasn’t so overwhelmingly oppressed I can’t imagine people would have such a knee jerk hateful reaction to trans people. I might think male socialization is a thing, but unlike other people, I don’t attack trans women for our disagreement on this one point. I’ll never make a call out post because I couldn’t make a trans women say what I wanted. I will never ever call anyone a slur either, while I’ve been called a bitch and cunt.

This blog is about disability. All I care about is promoting disability justice, information, and social support. I will always be open to discussing disability as it effects any minority group: POC, female, poor, trans, gay, etc... I’m more than happy to reblog posts regarding trans disability especially with regards to HRT or surgery can effect that. This blog will never be about attacking people and trying to tear them down. I might disagree with people but I won’t try smear someone’s reputation because of it. In recent years I have striven to disagree with people without resorting to insults and assumptions. I’m not perfect but I try.

I have talked before how there are zealous aspects to all groups. You won’t have me denying that radfems can be just as nasty. I condemn any radfem who has treated anyone the way I’m being treated right now. I personally don’t believe that because one trans women did something wrong that it’s okay to misgender all trans women. I am not like that. I’m not so bitter and hateful that I can’t separate one group of assholes from a minority group.

I’ve always been about being the better person, not for the people you hate but for yourself. Holding on to all this hate and negativity, attacking women for daring to state their mind, encouraging people to attack that person, that must be aweful. I can’t, and I won’t be like that. My own mental health couldn’t take it when I did participate in some of these behaviors on my early tumblr experience. Then I realized it was tearing me apart, and that the person on the other end is a human too. I don’t have to like them, but I can respect they have feelings and a world view that wasn’t built just to attack me.

Whether or not you agree with me on a lesbian’s right to bodily autonomy, does that really warrant a response meant to tear a disabled woman down? Are the only people entitled to their own opinions the ones that agree with you?

This matter truly is about sexism whether you believe it or not. I do not actively discuss trans issues on any of my blog. I was targeted for guilt by association (because I can’t follow people I don’t 100% agree with I guess) on main and when asked I said I got nothing against trans women I do have problems with rhetoric that treats sex with a lesbian as a civil right. I was then called out. That is exactly what happened and why I had to shut down questioning and take a break.

This post is to let you all know, I’m back, I’m okay, and this blog will continue with its mission to support disabled people. If you think a disabled women like me who only ever wants to help others, deserves this, then please unfollow. I don’t care how many people follow, I care that the people who do, want to follow me. If you’re a trans woman uncertain if you can bring an issue to me, of course you can. I’m not here to judge anyone, I’m here to give whatever disability advice and support that I can.

So yeah if you can’t understand that disagreements don’t warrant tearing down a person, especially someone who is disabled and has mentioned suicide attempts, then I can’t help you and the unfollow button is right there. If you do or don’t agree with me but think it was fucked up to get called out for, welcome. This blog will return to disability issues and this is the last I’ll be addressing this issue. I’m just going to delete and block people who think calling a disabled woman a cunt is top notch activism. You will not ruin what I’ve built here. You will not cower me. This bitch has been through too much to let anonymous trolls take me down.

Much love to all those who have supported me, it has meant a lot. 💕

[botherkupo]

The Little Adventures of Katara (chapter 10)

Summary:  In which Katara discovers that size does matter. Also, the real one in need of saving might just be her giant, grumpy protector.

AO3, FFN

Smells like Teen Drama

Arms slip around Zuko's waist and a warm body presses against his back. "I wouldn't recommend it," Mai says, low and amused.

He stiffens and breaks the embrace, quickly spinning around to face her. "Huh?"

"Jumping off the ferry. It's a long way to swim back."

"Oh, I wasn't—"

"I'm just messing with you, idiot." She leans next to him against the railing. "Though you're not exactly being subtle about not wanting to be here."

"It's not that …"

It's the fact Father didn't give him a choice. It's the fact he's never been a good liar, he swore he wouldn't let anything happen to Katara, and they're about to spend a mini vacation at Li and Lo's beach house with Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee. (And the two old ladies, he supposes, since they're acting as chaperones.)

Mai grips his sash and tugs him closer, hips brushing against his. "Relax. I'm sure we can find a way to make this trip enjoyable …"

His breath catches. She's using the bedroom voice on him, the one that always leads to the best kisses.

Wait. She's using the bedroom voice on him and Katara is in his pocket.

He frantically removes her hands from his sash and steps back. Something flickers in her eyes. She stands tall and straight, and her expression blanks like a slate wiped clean.

"Or not," she says flatly.

A sinking in his stomach. "Mai, I … I didn't mean it like that."

"Oh? Like how you haven't been avoiding me either?"

"I haven't. I swear I haven't. I just—"

"Have been busy." She folds her arms. "So you keep saying."

He wants to thunk his head against the pole. This conversation is fast spiralling towards an argument, and he is conscious of the tiny girl in his pocket who is no doubt listening to every word.

"You know, Zuko, sometimes you can be such a jerk."

Mai heads for the other end of the boat without another word. He groans and this time he does thunk his head against the pole. Now his girlfriend is mad at him again. Just great.

oOo

They get settled in at the beach house. It's smaller than he expected and smells like old lady, but he still gets his own room. Perks of being the only guy.

Azula leans against the doorframe as he unpacks. "I think that's a new record for you," she says.

"What are you talking about?"

"The fact you pissed Mai off before we even got here."

He scowls. "Shut up."

"She's right, though. You have been rather secretive of late."

He stiffens and throws her a wary glance. Has his sister been spying on him?

A smile curls her lips. "I know it's difficult for you, Zuzu, but try to be a little smarter. People will get suspicious if you keep hiding away and going off on your own."

"Is it so bad to want some space and time to myself?"

"It is when not so long ago you were a traitor with a bounty on your head."

His fingers curl into his palms.

"Just try not to be such a dum-dum." She pushes away from the door. "Or at least get better at lying."

oOo

Katara emerges from his pocket the moment he's shut and locked the door on the pretext of getting changed. "Finally," she says. "I was dying in there."

"Sorry."

He offers her some water. She gulps it down, using her bending so she won't spill.

"You remember the plan?" he says as he tugs off his shirt.

Her gaze drifts over his chest. "Hm?"

"The plan."

"Oh." She blinks and looks back at his face. "Yeah. I remember."

His brow creases. Had she just … been checking him out?

Katara clears her throat and looks the other way. "But are you sure this is going to work? Sounds like your sister plans to keep a closer eye on you. Might be difficult to slip off on your own."

That's true …

"Plus, you'll just make your floozy grumpier if you don't do something soon to make it up her."

A frustrated huff. "For the last time, Mai is my girlfriend, and she wouldn't even be mad at me if you—"

He clamps his mouth shut. Too late.

Katara lowers her gaze. "If I wasn't here, right?"

He bites his lip. She doesn't sound mad, but somehow the edge of guilt in her voice makes him feel worse. He knows this is rough for her, for all she tries to stay positive. She doesn't need him blaming her for his relationship problems.

"Zuko!" Ty Lee calls from the other side of the door. "C'mon, we're heading to the beach!"

"Give me a sec!"

He sighs and runs a hand over his face. This is already turning into a mess.

[mini-monie]

BTS' Reaction to Being Paired With Their Rival (mafia!au)

The first post on this joint blog! There's two admins: Admin Mini (who requested this for me) and me, Admin Monie. I hope you enjoy this reaction and please feel free to request any future reactions/scenarios for any group! 💓

~•Admin Monie•~

J I N

Jin would complain the most but knew better than to turn down an assignment due to petty rivalry. Once his mission was made clear he'd seek out one of the boys on his team (probably Namjoon) and vent out his worries regarding his new mission. He couldn't tell if he was annoyed because he thought your troublesome relationship may hinder the task or if it's because he was being selfish and really didn't want to be in the same perimeter as you, nevermind working alongside you.

The day came and you both mutually agreed to stay silent, only talking when necessary to avoid any arguments or unnecessary remarks. What he didn't expect was for you to be so...funny. Whether it be when you were cursing at equipment or unconsciously voicing your thoughts out loud, he found he quite enjoyed your company.

"Hey Y/N,"

"I thought we agreed not to speak Seokjin?"

"Yes well... I've become strangely attached, I know you can't deny my handsomeness either. Come on, let's get coffee on me after, hm?"

"Your wallet is gonna regret it."

S U G A

Probably the only one brave enough to question the mafia leaders, he'd fight back when they said he'd be on the watch unit with you, just the two of you in the back of a van watching the monitors whilst everyone else raids the house. He questioned their motives and if this really was the option with the highest success rate. At this point he didn't even care if it was you, he just didn't want to be the reason why the mission failed or someone got hurt because he was too busy glaring daggers into your side.

The leaders didn't back down so eventually Yoongi had to accept that he had been partnered up with you. What surprised him the most is you weren't half bad, you bought him a coffee and made him a meal (though it was cold since you cooked it the night before- he was grateful nonetheless). Though he was confused, he was certain you had hated him the same amount he hated you...so what changed? Whatever it was, he wasn't going to distract you both from the mission at hand, questions and curiosity could wait.

"Why the change of heart?"

"Hm?" You questioned, then realised what he was referring to, turning away with a light blush. "I-I thought it was stupid, our rivalry thing... I wanted to get to know you I guess, I've had enough hanging onto 17 year old Yoongi, I want to know this Yoongi."

He nodded in acknowledgement, a small smile creeping on his face telling you wordlessly that he felt the same.

R M

Namjoon isn't one to disobey orders and so he accepted his mission with you with very little hesitance. He was annoyed, deep down, that those higher in charge thought it'd be a good idea to put him and you on a duo team together when it's common knowledge that you both despise each other's guts. Joon was mature enough to work past it though, a mission was a mission and who was he to question authority?

Once the day of your assignment arrived it turns out you both had misjudged each other completely: he wasn't the complete arrogant suck up you had always believed he was and you weren't the flimsy fuck up like he had thought. The mission ended up being a huge success with you both finding out extra information on the enemy gang, your superiors were happy and had assigned you both together for future tasks. The difference was Namjoon didn't mind this time.

"I guess you're stuck with me now huh Joon?"

"Hmm maybe I could get used to a thorn in my side." *lowkey flustered at you called him Joon*

"Aww that's the nicest thing I think you've ever said to me."

J - H O P E

Hoseok wasn't one for rivalries, the only reason you both classed yourselves as rivals is because he broke your best friend's heart (he had to- he couldn't get her involved in this mafia business) but you had always been unaware of his reasoning, both you and your friend coming to the conclusion I was because he found someone else or simply got bored. So when he was partnered up with you he couldn't help but hope that he could clear the air between you both, he hated being hated and hated having to pretend to hate someone else too. Plus, he was hoping it'd be easier now that you and your friend were no longer close (having completely ditched you and cut you off when you started getting distant).

He greeted you warmly, surprisingly getting a smile in return. He took this as a good sign and would try and make small conversation whenever he could, though you both were caught up in your own roles in the mission. Eventually, he decided to open up to you, wanting to get closure for what had happened some years ago.

"Listen...about Your friend-"

"She's a piece of shit I- sorry. I should say sorry, to you I mean. I realise what you were trying to do, I tried to do the same but she completely cut me off without a second thought...she cheated on you too, when you were together. I'm sorry I should've told you-"

Hoseok placed a finger to your lips and smiled cheerily, "don't worry. I guess we both got played."

J I M I N

Honestly wouldn't know how to react. Does he act civil? Does he give you the cold shoulder? Does he forget this rivalry completely or does he amplify it? He'd ask for a group meeting with his team, some saying it wasn't so serious for a meeting and others agreeing that he was in a tight spot. Eventually, they all came to the conclusion that Jimin should just act neutral and that's what he did. He wasn't talkative, only speaking to give advice or if you spoke to him first. He didn't go out of his way to show you his bubbly self but didn't go to the lengths of appearing cold-hearted.

It was going well until he saw an enemy guard aiming their gun right at your direction through an upstairs window. He reacted quickly, your rivalry going completely out of the window as he tackled you to the ground just in time before the guard could pull the trigger. Again without thinking he scooped you up bridal style and ran out of there, contacting base to bring back up and that your mission had been breached. Once you got back to base you both were unsure of what to do, did you still hate each other? Or were you ready to put it all behind you?

"....thanks for that, Jimin. You saved my life." Outstretching your hand you gave a goofy grin. "Friends?"

Jimin burst out laughing at your gesture but shook your hand anyways. "Friends!" Then he pulled you into a short hug, handling your body with such care like you could fall apart at any moment.

T A E H Y U N G

Taehyung didn't take this whole rivalry thing so seriously, in fact neither of you did. For you both it was more of a fun thing you had going on, petty remarks here and there and insults would be thrown about but none of you took it to heart. So when you both heard you were going to be paired up during the next task he couldn't help but feel like this was going to become a battle of who could annoy the other the most. And that's exactly what it was.

Teasing each other none stop eventually spiralled into an argument, leaving others shouting in your ears to shut up and concentrate, making you both fall to the floor laughing. Maybe this rival thing really was a stretch, to Tae at least it seemed like you'd get on much better as friends than mortal enemies.

"Hey Y/N why don't we become friends? Annoying you still falls under this contract though."

"Contract? Are all your friendships some kind of cult?"

He smirked. "Why don't you sign it and find out?"

J U N G K O O K

Jungkook was on edge to say the least. You were both renowned for being the top of your fighting classes within the mafia, always being put against each other by everyone else, naturally you had become rivals but did either of you want that? Kook was too nervous to speak up about it, usually relying on his elders to do all the talking whilst he sat back and acted goofy, only using his skills when it was necessary and when he did boy the limelight was always on him. Now he was finally taking on his own mission without the other guys...but with you instead. You both never really established a clear rival bond, more that it was built by others who surrounded you and this made him nervous. Did you really hate him because everyone else said you should?

All his worries were long gone out the window when you bounced up to him happily, a wide smile beaming across your features as your eyes seemed to light up the room. Almost immediately a heavy weight was lifted from Kook's shoulders, this was going to be much easier than he ever imagined, and that thought alone made him smile like a mad man.

[ink-and-stone]

The Train Did Not Arrive

It started as a daydream, an escape from reality, as most terrible ideas tend to originate from. Now, she was waiting at a deserted train station for a train that would take her anywhere far, far away. She couldn't deny to herself that she was scared – terrified, really – but her heart was set. The digital display read that her train would be arriving in ten minutes so she sat down on one of the benches, the platform silent except for the hushed scuffle of the two people that had snuck off the platform and were shaking what appeared to be spray-paint aerosols. Nine minutes. She opened her rucksack and checked and rechecked for her things: a few sets of spare clothes; a burner phone; a non-descript pouch with her money and ID; a notebook; a pen; a mini First-Aid kit. She rubbed her hands together, adding gloves to the growing list of things she regretted not bringing, although, to be fair, she would not have been able to manage the load anyway. She wriggled the numbing toes inside her trainers. She'd forgotten spare socks too.

But there was no turning back now. Her plan was in motion and her resolve relied on her momentum. She could not afford to hesitate, to have second thoughts because she knew it would throw all her planning and care to waste. Not that she had planned much, but still. She'd burn that bridge when she got to it.

The pair of young men, or perhaps they were her own age though she couldn't tell, were laughing to each other. If she listened carefully, she could decipher their words, punctuated by laughter.

"I – can't – bloody bel-ieve you – of all people – you – did that to him, Will!"  

This came from the slightly shorter one, who held onto the bricked wall of the wide tunnel to steady himself in his fit of hysteria.

"Well," the other guy, Will, said, "I darn well did."

Another fit of youthful, masculine laughter. She sighed and leaned back on the backrest, her eyes cast upwards at the light that flickered slightly every once in a while. She held her bag tighter in her arms, an image of vulnerability, and hoped they could not see her.

She glanced back at the digital display and to her alarm, the train that had been due to arrive in ten minutes, not even five minutes ago, had no mention. The list of incoming trains and the minutes until their arrival behold blank columns. Dread, in its most tangible form, sank in her stomach, her breathing began to run irregular and her heartbeat seemed to be improvising its song.

She closed her eyes in an attempt to calm herself but opened them to be alarmed by one of the young men who had been spray-painting the tunnel, the one who wasn't called Will.

"Hey," was what he said, his smile persuading her that he was friendly.

She looked back at him blankly, and dumbly. Later than was the socially acceptable duration of time to pause, she replied, "Hi," meek as a lamb cornered by a wolf.

The smile on the other person's face seemed to slip by a degree as he shifted into awkwardness.

"Just to let you know, if you meant to catch the eleven o'clock train, it never actually comes here. Nobody ever catches it so the driver just skips the whole district--"

She replied with silence.

He still seemed oblivious to the fact that with every word he uttered, the girl before him spiralled further and further. "-- well, that's what me and Will think at least. There could be a whole other reason entirely." At the mention of his friend, he gestured towards the tunnel, where his friend was carefully peeling off the duct tape they had been using as a sort of stencil, or rule. Will gave a little wave to acknowledge his introduction, which meant to the girl that he was listening in to their conversation.

She regained her sense with a deep inhale and let go of her paranoia with an exhale. She swore an oath for good measure and laid her head back on the bench. "Thank you." Was her simple reply, uttered with her eyes still closed in a posture of placid defeat.

She didn't hear him walk away, but a few minutes later a phone rang and the person who wasn't Will answered it. He swore after a few seconds and told Will that he had to go or his mum was going "burn my computer to ash!", in his own words. Will said that it was no problem and wished him luck and when his friend was out of earshot he muttered something about how convenient it was for Jack to leave just as they were meant to pack.

Indeed, there was a lot of stuff that Will now had to carry by himself.

He tidied up methodically and systematically so he'd be able to carry the cool box as well as the carrier bags overflowing with equipment or with snacks, and the folding step-ladder. Surely, he thought to himself, Jack could have dropped off at least one bag on his way home. He gave Jack the benefit of the doubt though, realising that Jack had probably been too distracted by his mother's discovery of his sneaking out to remember that this was far too much for Will to carry alone. This was Will's way – always giving the benefit of the doubt and making excuses for others. The epitome of modern-day sainthood, many thought of him. This juxtaposed starkly with what many others thought of him: a nuisance, a devil and the list went on. Really, he was both, and the variant descriptions of him only seemed so contradictory to each other because that was simply how real-life people were. Only in books – bad books– could people so two-dimensionally written exist, with simple motives, unvarying reactions and predictable decisions. Yet, it was difficult to see Will as anything but a character out of a book, with his unjustified kindness and, still, the impatience in his step that, almost audibly, demanded "Adventure!". Will was a character not even his enemies could get enough of, who was friendly with everyone (provided they did not have the authority nor the inclination to punish his misdeeds) but only friends with a few.

He had figured out a way to carry all of his belongings and this was how: the step-ladder was hung on his shoulder, his arm peeking through the hole; a bag was balanced atop the cool box, which he held in the hand opposite the one connected to his ladder-shoulder and the final carrier bag was carried in his other hand, repeatedly clanging against the steel of the ladder. He only noticed the girl was still seated on the bench when his clamorous ongoing exit stirred her from her rest and she sat up in confusion.

Will stopped in surprise as well and felt suddenly self-conscious. Then, he felt ashamed of himself for wasting his time feeling that when this girl was obviously having a far more dreadful night. He assessed her quickly, while she assessed him.

"You're running away, then?" Will asked.

Clearly, the girl had made a far less thorough assessment of him as her eyebrows shot up in astonishment.

She nodded mutely and then again, with a bit confidence, when Will gave her an amiable smile.

"Wicked." He remarked, with genuine appreciation, "I'm Will."

The girl considered all that she knew of him, that is to say, nothing.

"I'm May."

This, for some reason, perplexed Will a very good deal, which in turn, puzzled the girl, whose name was May. "What?" She said uneasily.

"But why not April? Or June? Or November?" Will asked.

Fear of being murdered and thrown in a bush by this stranger be damned – May was very much offended by this reaction, still half-confused as she was. "November? What's wrong with May?"

He looked at her as if she was sprouting horns from her forehead.

"Be – because! May's – it's exam season for crying out loud!" He sputtered indignantly.

This response delighted May and she welcomed the distraction Will brought from her current plight, so she laughed at his absurd reply. Then she told him that his reply was absurd, to which they had a heated debate about whether or not November was a good name – or even a name in the first place. Will had put his stuff down, save for the step-ladder, and his hands gestured verbosely with his argument.

Once the topic had been thoroughly exhausted, a pause ensued.

After the ensued pause, Will said, "If you don't have a place to go, there's a spare room in my house."

This, needless to say, triggered May's alarm bells. She wasn't going to go with him to his bloody house because they'd had a good laugh about her name.

Will realised the implications of his forwardness immediately and rushed to assure her of his dignity, "It's literally across the road. You can scream bloody murder if I try to kill you."

May wasn't sure how any of that was supposed to be reassuring, but found that his need to clear his name for her gave her some courage to reply back, "Why do you even want me to come...?"

"Because..." Will shifted to his other foot. And then he gave a shrug, which in itself was a rubbish answer. "I like to have people over – it's boring not to. Anyway, it's not like there's nobody else there – my brother's home too."

These were all rubbish answers but stripped of context and instincts of self-preservation, they were also humorous, and May, after such a dreadful day, was seeing the amusing side of his answer. She didn't laugh but she couldn't hide that she wanted to laugh at his reply.

Will, ever the giver of the benefit of doubt, took her smile as a sign of trust, relaxed a bit. "My brother's only six anyway, if you were worried about that." He knew the power baby brothers had in winning hearts and said this part only to secure her trust.

Unfortunately, May was horrified, "And you left him alone at home!"

"Yes, but –"

"Oh my God! Will!"

"– he's fast asleep and if he wakes up he can just call me and I come home!"

May still looked appalled. "That's a rubbish excuse!"

"No, really, he's fine with it –"

"Oh my God!"

She had stood up and now took hold of the carrier bag atop the cool box. Will let her, glad to be relieved of its burden and victorious as May started to walk with him. She reached for the cool box, but Will ushered her away from taking anything else – he could owe it to her to at least be this chivalrous. He hadn't the faintest clue why she was agreeing to come with him, but the voice in his head was whispering, "Adventure-Adventure-Adventure", again and again and again.

"You do realise I can't pay you for this, right?" She said uneasily when they had arrived at the cramped driveway in front of Will's house.

"God – I'm not asking you to, May. That would be terrifically rude!"

May only thought that it would be terrifically logical to charge a night's rent, but had no reason to tempt him to change his mind. She followed as he opened a side door and then the door to a shed.  

He stopped unexpectedly inside the shed, as if he'd forgotten something.

"You're not going to steal anything are you?"

It was as if the realisation that he had invited a complete stranger into his home had just dawned on him.

"What if you're a serial killer?"

May assumed the question was rhetorical but, amused again by the workings of Will's brains and the way he said everything that he did say in the funniest, most absurd way possible. "You can scream bloody murder if I try to kill you."

This was a good answer, because Will seemed to relax. "Please don't. And please try not to steal. I'll tell the police."

"You can't tell the police if you're dead."

"My brother can."

This was a sort of trap because Will was looking at May expectantly. But there was no way she was going to say, even as a joke, that she'd kill his little brother.

"I guess I'd get arrested then."

This was another good answer.

He nodded at her once, and from then was their friendship sealed.

[crusherthedoctor]

Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? - Part 2: GERALD

There are some villains I like. And there are some villains I don’t like. But why do I feel about them the way I do? That’s where this comes in.

This is a new mini-series of mine, in which I’ll be going into slightly more detail about my thoughts on the villains in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, and why I think they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). I’ll be giving my stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves in the game(s) they featured in. Keep in mind that these are just my own personal thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions! I don’t bite. :>

Anyhow, for today’s installment, we’ll commence Round 2 by taking a look at the mastermind of Sonic Adventure 2, who got a cap popped in his ass 50 years prior: Professor Gerald Robotnik.

The Gist: Gerald was once a kindhearted scientist who wanted nothing more than to use his genius to help benefit mankind as we know it. Seeking to cure the fatal illness of his granddaughter, Maria, Gerald worked on many ambitious projects, such as constructing the Space Colony A.R.K, working on countless potentially dangerous weapons like the Artificial Chaos units and the Eclipse Cannon, and most famously, creating the Ultimate Lifeform and chest hair enthusiast himself, Shadow the Hedgehog. None of these achievements actually cured Maria, but the professor worked tirelessly in his eternal quest all the same.

Here he is here, looking completely fucking terrifying.

Unfortunately, this quest was tragically cut shot when a bunch of dummies from G.U.N stormed the A.R.K. in an effort to shut down all of Gerald's projects. In addition to the professor's own arrest, it also led to the death of his beloved granddaughter. When he found out about the casualty... well, he didn't take it all that well, because the revelation transformed him overnight into a mad fucknugget.

At some point before his execution at the hands of G.U.N, he reprogrammed the A.R.K. itself to collide with the planet should all seven Chaos Emeralds be inserted into the Eclipse Cannon, as a final middle finger to the human race who took everything away from him. He also reprogrammed Shadow to carry out the hunt for the emeralds, to ensure his revenge would go off without a hitch in spite of the somewhat annoying obstacle of being dead. While Shadow would indeed go on to carry out Gerald's plot 50 years later upon his release, courtesy of one Dr. Eggman, an attack of conscience through a talk with Amy Rose convinced him to turn against his creator's corrupt intentions at the most vital moment, going so far as to help Sonic take down the professor's repurposed guard dog - the Biolizard - and seemingly sacrificing himself in the process.

Though Gerald’s pre-insanity days would be delved into more come Shadow’s own spinoff (although making a deal with an obviously evil alien makes one question if he was already crazy from the beginning), his villainous spin is still remembered with dread by the world he once loved. And no one remembers it more vividly than the one who nearly carried it all out. The one who Gerald looked at as a son.

“NOW can I use a better font?”

The Design: There’s a bit of an inconvenience here, because whereas there was a lot to cover with the many designs for Chaos, there's significantly less to speak of with Gerald's design. He’s essentially just a grey-haired (grey-whiskered?), slightly slimmer version of his grandson.

“Eggman? No. I’m my own original character... Deadman.”

In fairness though, with the way this particular antagonist works, it was never really about the physical appearance in the first place.

The Personality: ...There's not really a lot to say here either, since we've only seen a few moments with him due to his status as a posthumous character. He was a decent, altruistic man, only to turn crazy and vengeful when Maria got bumped off. That about covers it, really.

“I know that human beings and anthropomorphic killing machines can co-exist peacefully.”

The Execution: Now this is where the meat lies with Gerald. But I have to say, my thoughts on the professor overall are very prominently... grey.

On one hand, he's sympathetic enough as a character. The premise of a once pleasant man carrying out his vengeance from beyond the grave is certainly an interesting one, and his voice actor did a really good job with conveying his spiral into tragic insanity (even if it's slightly harder to take seriously when you remember it's the same guy who voiced Vector the Crocodile in Sonic Heroes).

On the other hand, while I don't think the basic concept with Gerald is too out-of-reach for a Sonic game, I do think there are certain elements involving him that go a bit too far and dip it into pretentious territory when you remember what franchise this is supposed to be. Much like Maria getting shot to death by the military, I feel that the recorded footage of Gerald's to-be-execution is a misguided result of being gritty for gritty's own sake.

Can Sonic lend itself to darker moments? Sure it can! But it needs to do those moments right, in a way that works with this franchise, rather than work against it. Moments like Gerald's pre-execution footage don’t mesh well, and make it all too easy to forget that I’m playing a Sonic game at all.

Can you tell I don’t have a lot of photos to work with for this guy?

His plan isn't without problems either. While not to the same degree as Mephiles certain other villains who I’ll cover at a later date, Gerald's evil scheme nonetheless has a few loopholes, the most infamous one being: Where did he get the time to do all this?

In order to have been able to program Shadow's servitude and the A.R.K's collision in the first place, he had to have had access to them. That's obvious enough, but here’s the thing: Gerald spent his captivity in Prison Island, which you can tell because his cell is the same one that Sonic was trapped in earlier on in the game. You COULD make an argument as to how he accessed Shadow at least, since the Ultimate Lifeform was sealed away in Prison Island as well, but here's where it gets even trickier: He couldn't have went insane until after his capture and imprisonment, because his arrest happened during the G.U.N. raid, the same event that resulted in Maria's death to begin with, and very little time would have logically passed between that and the professor being taken into custody.

So with what the narrative gives us to work with, either Gerald somehow had access to Shadow and the A.R.K. during his captivity, meaning G.U.N. are extremely incompetent and careless... or he already reprogrammed them before the raid even happened and thus when he had absolutely no reason to do such a thing. (Maybe he did it for a cheeky laugh...?)

“Only through the power of Windows Movie Maker can I make my vengeance manifest.”

Speaking of Shadow, Gerald's manipulation of him to destroy the world in Maria's name kind of falls apart when you remember that Shadow's flashbacks of Maria presented the latter as the kindhearted girl she really was. Maria marked the core of Shadow's own tragedy and subsequent low opinion on humanity, and yet nothing about her presentation in said flashbacks indicated that she would have wanted him to destroy the planet and kill everyone. Gerald clearly altered Shadow’s memories by inserting his own misanthropy and vengeance into his creation, so why did he leave his memories of Maria completely unscathed? 

This is even part of what causes Shadow to eventually change his ways in the first place. And yet, despite the story itself insisting otherwise, it's not like knowing Maria's real ideals was a game changer for Shadow. He already remembered what Maria was truly like.

“Shite, I guess.”

And finally, there's his relationship with his grandson, Eggman. Or more accurately, Eggman's relationship with him. Either way, I feel as conflicted about it as I do with Gerald himself.

We find out that Eggman considers his dead grandfather to be an even bigger genius than he is, even long after the latter's demise. I don't want to make this all about Eggman, since this post is meant to be about Gerald (don't worry though, the doctor will get his time in the sun soon enough, just you wait), but I always had a problem with this, because I feel it undermines Eggman’s own status when you really think about it, and while I can appreciate the attempt to give Eggman some depth and backstory expansion, I don't think this angle works out for Eggman specifically. Why? Because for a character who was - and still is - loud, proud, and insistent on how he is the best scientist there ever was and ever will be, the sudden revelation that he thinks his grandaddy was better than him honestly feels like a betrayal of the character in a way. If he respected his grandad's genius and maybe got inspired by him when he was a young lad, but still considered himself the biggest genius when he grew up into the man he is today, that would have felt more characteristic of him in my honest opinion.

“So just for clarity’s sake, when I say I’m the greatest scientific genius in the world, I’m actually saying I’m not the greatest scientific genius in the world.”

So yeah. Overall, my thoughts on Gerald are mixed. Decent concept, good acting, and I actually do like the character to an extent, but there's a lot working against him that make me unable to consider him a full winner. Also, he and Shadow fucked Eggman over massively. The game that many consider to be Eggman’s finest moment, and they pull the rug out from underneath him and reveal he was a clueless pawn the whole time.

I’m slightly bitter about that.

Just slightly.

Ever so slightly.

Crusher Gives Gerald a: Thumbs Sideways!