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mantequillamcwhoremick · 10 days ago

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do you think the boys (Stan, Kyle, Eric, Kenny Butters) can fight and if they do how would they fight and would they have any training?

If you could answer for the other boys too (Craig, Tweek, Tolkien, Clyde, Jimmy) and maybe the Girls?

Ohohohohohooooo fantastic question. Lemme jump in immediately >:)))

Stan

His ass cannot fight, at least not better than your average guy. In the episode "Bloody Mary" we see that he did take karate classes for some time, along with Kyle and Cartman, but some other instances in the show suggest that he isn't the biggest fighter. Idk much about whether he can't, but he definitely won't. In s7's "All About Mormons" the boys send Stan over to fight Gary, and he very unconvincingly says "I'm gonna... kick your ass. Bitch." and then immediately proceeds to be swept off his feet by Gary's overwhelmingly polite and understanding nature. At most he will get in a fist fight with Kyle, like in the season 19 finale when he believes Kyle is behind the ad conspiracy, but I think Stan & Kyle fights aren't serious in the way that they'd genuinely try to hurt each other. In s4's "Chef Goes Nanners" they could've shown us Stan beating Cartman for kissing Wendy or something, but Stan barely reacts apart from being shocked. And if we count the deleted scene from s18's "Gluten Free Ebola", Stan isn't the one starting the fist fight; it's Kyle. And Craig very easily gets the better of Stan in the ensuing battle. In conclusion; I'd diagnose Stan with pussy.

Kyle

Can fight, at least decently, and definitely will. He gets the better of Cartman in pretty much every one of their fights (apart from the "Cartoon Wars" one, where he does struggle), and is almost always the physical instigator in whichever fight he gets himself into. I believe that unlike Stan (and probably Cartman), he probably did take those karate classes seriously and remembers a good amount of what he learned. Plus, with all the fights he gets into over the course of the show, he'll at least also know some stuff from experience at this point. And again— if we count the deleted scene from "Gluten Free Ebola"— he fucking DECKS Clyde like crazy, and then proceeds to help Stan and throws Craig to the ground the moment he grabs him. Maybe Kyle is just good in comparison with some of his weaker peers, but that still means he's definitely ranking up there.

Kenny

Can fight. I don't think I need to elaborate much. Many of his attacks in TFBW are physical punches and kicks, he decked a taller upperclassman girl in "The Poor Kid" upon her bullying Karen, kicked Randy (an ADULT) so hard in the shin that it hurt him ("City Part of Town") and— if you wanna count that— wasn't really losing the fight in the sand pit with Gerald in "Major Boobage" either. Plus he won't worry about taking damage bc he can't die, so you can't even knock him down like you'd do a normal person. Do NOT mess with this guy, I think he's genuinely scary.

Cartman

Can't fight. Don't really need to elaborate much either. He's also a pussy but, unlike Stan, he tries really hard to act like he isn't. Doesn't usually initiate physical fights and it's likely that he'd lose if he did. Gave his all in the fight against Wendy in "Breast Cancer Show Ever" and didn't stand a chance. The only thing he'd have going for him is that he is crazy enough to not have any restraint, so I think that where normal people would be decent enough not to seriously hurt someone, he'd take any opening he can get and be absolutely ruthless and unfair.

Butters

In "Sarcastaball" Stan says that Butters "sucks at all sports", which would mean he's either clumsy or rather weak, or both. In "The C**n" it is revealed that Butters is very often phsyically overpowered by Cartman, whom we don't really usually see win fights against anyone else, so that's gonna say something. I do, however, believe that Butters' greatest weakness is his fear, because we've also seen in s16's "Butterballs" that once he's pushed far enough, he's able to deck a fucking adult twice his size (Dr. Oz). I think Butters definitely had the element of surprise on his side here, but similarly to Cartman, I think that once he is emotionally off the rails he'll definitely have zero restraint and that will become his biggest strength. However, in "World Wide Privacy Tour" he doesn't seem to stand a chance against his fight with Bebe, even though he doesn't seem to be acting particularly sane in that episode either. Similarly, in "The List", he shows up with a black eye (and I think with a broken arm??) after kicking Nelly "in the balls". So yeah, he isn't a fighter. At least not physically.

(CATG and some girls under the cut)

Craig

Season 3's "Tweek vs. Craig" reveals he doesn't really know how to fight, and I suppose that we gotta count that he learned sumo in that same episode as part of his skill set. In "Tweek x Craig" then they get into a genuine fight, and him and Tweek seem to at least be on a similar level in terms of skills/strength. (Again, if you count the aforementioned deleted scene;) he seems to be able to hold his own against Stan, but you might argue that he also had Jimmy's help in that fight and he's quickly overpowered by Kyle (he was taken by surprise, but still). I'd say he's pretty average, and not usually the guy to get into a fight out of his own volition. The two instances he fought Tweek were pretty specific and especially the second one might've been just because he was under a lot of emotional pressure. (again, if you count it;) I'd say he's quick to defend his friends though, given that he jumped to help Clyde in the deleted scene pretty quickly. And TFBW persona suggests that he'd rather fight with physical punches than put in the effort to come up with a genuine power. So I'd say; he's not much better or worse than Stan, but definitely less of a pussy.

Tweek

As previously elaborated, probably on a similar level to Craig, but much less prone to getting into a fight than him. He's more of a wallflower when it comes to friend groups, someone who doesn't like drama, much less getting involved with it. I do think he COULD quickly deck someone who came at him unrestrained, though. Similarly to how he magically procured acting skills when it came down to it in "Tweek x Craig". Idk i'd be scared of him

Tolkien

I think his parents probably put him in expensive martial arts classes based on the VERY skiled hooks and kicks he gives Cartman at the end of "Christian Rock Hard". Granted, it isn't hard to beat Cartman, but still those looked pretty intense and well-executed. Other than that, in South Park: Post Covid we see him excellently deck two guys from Shady Acres; idk what martial art it is in but he definitely knows his way around a fight professionally and tactically. Probably because he's a cop (boo) (it's never explicitly mentioned but I think I remember seeing a badge next to his "Vaccinated" ID). I think he won't fight unless absolutely necessary.

Clyde

... his ass can't fight. He got beaten the shit out of by Cartman in "C**n 2: Hindsight". He stood no chance against Kyle in the "Gluten Free Ebola" deleted scene. If anyone remembers other instances where he fought feel free to remind me, but up til now all I see is a weak wittle baby. Who cries a lot. kill him

Jimmy

I have little to no proof for this (considering we've only seen Jimmy deck his mom & girlfriend on steroids in "Up The Down Steroid", and saw him fight Timmy in "Cripple Fight"), but for some reason I think he'd be an excellent fighter. There's his disability which leaves him at a disadvantage, but other than that this guy is a special olympics participant and probably has insane arms from using his crutches all the time. I feel like if he wanted, he could absolutely fuck up a bitch, but he's mostly too nice and diplomatic (and non-impulse driven) to do so.

THE GIRLS

There isn't that much information on most girls, so these might get into level 2 or 3 headcanon territory without much elaboration.

Wendy

Can fight, considering how she fucked Cartman up, but I don't know how impressive that is given that Cartman is a little bitch. But I think that she's definitely physically strong as hell, since she IS captain of the girls' volleyball team AND the cheer squad (see episodes "Cock Magic" and "The Hobbit"). So whatever she might lack in experience or skill she might make up for in strength, and probably willpower as well.

Bebe

Well. We've seen her beat the shit out of Butters, which in itself isn't that impressive considering Butters isn't the biggest fighter, but something tells me Bebe is a ruthless ass-kicker. No restraint, probably has decked more boys before if they just looked at her wrong— I feel like where Wendy is more of a level-headed diplomat, Bebe is ready to fuck shit up. This is further supported by how in "Raisins" Wendy sent Bebe to break up with Stan for her, and Bebe immediately goes "Fuck you, fat ass, you guys are assholes" and "God, you're are so stupid" the second Cartman (& then Butters) opens his mouth, whereas it took Wendy much more to finally threaten to kick Cartman's ass in "Breast Cancer Ever". I feel like Bebe would take martial arts lessons as well, with the purpose of being able to punch a man and make it hurt.

Heidi

I feel like she's very much peace and love on planet earth✌️ to really be a big fighter, not counting her later dating-Cartman-era. With Heidi it's harder to really settle for something considering she really changed throughout her relationship with Cartman and we haven't seen her in the show since they broke up (a tragedy, honestly. i wanna see how she's doing), but if I look at her pre-Cartman personality I'd say she isn't a fighter. We've seen her fight Cartman, but I don't remember if she won and I don't think it matters much considering Cartman is a little bitch.

Henrietta

Can't fight. None of the goth kids can. They're all little pussies and I love them like that. (If you don't believe me, rewatch "Mysterion Rises" and "Goth Kids 3: Dawn Of The Posers") They can't, they won't (they can't be fucking bothered), and they'd all probably be prone to acting like stereotypical twinks if it came down to it. I do think, however, Henrietta knows her way around tricking and trapping someone, considering she and the other goths kidnapped Mike Makowski in "The Ungroundable". She probably knows her way around tools and substances to use if she needed to fight someone, and would use them to aid her.

Nichole

I think she isn't a fighter. At all. She seems too polite and peaceful to ever get into one, and I think she'd de-escalate whatever situation she might ever get into. She's too sweet of a girl, & I think it's fair if she wouldn't wanna get herself messed up after styling herself up cute with flowers and ribbons, as we often see in her design.

Red

We know next to nothing about this character but I just KNOW she can fuck a bitch up. She doesn't even need to do it physically, we've seen she has a way with words that can absolutely KILL, but I just know that she can also throw a perfect punch.

Nelly

Beat the shit out of Butters in "The List". Again, not the most impressive feat, but the fact that she did still means something.

THATS IT!!! Sorry, ended up being a very long post but I had a lot of fun with this question hehehehe tysm anon <3333 If anyone reads through the whole thing tell me what you think & what you would add to these, maybe I missed some stuff.

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