#i spent like 20 mins making this and it was worth it

[zarnzarn]

i see all these comments talking about this after the new episode, but. i would like to state for the record that stolitz isn't. toxic.

first off, the concept of a toxic and a healthy relationship are such... vague terms. when you're online, drenched in language and tight moral boundaries, trying to put a nuanced story like helluva boss's into boxes is easy to attempt and impossible to do.

a toxic relationship is one where one or both parties is maliciously affecting the other. I'm talking fetid, nasty, rude interactions where there is more hurt than love. they're unhappy more often than not when they're with their partner, there's no respect or give from the other side.

stolitz is nothing like that.

Stolas actively cares about Blitz and actually has no fear or hesitation in ADMITTING IT OUT LOUD TO OZZIE. he has been calling, texting, commenting, laughing and finding ways to spend time with Blitz. he's throwing everything he has to the wind, finding the courage to move forward with the divorce, putting everything he has into trying to keep him. he's been alone in a palace since he was born, on medication, with such less people dear to him that he remembered the circus boy who spent a day with him DECADES ago- so when blitz comes into his life and brings back in laughter and color and sex, he's holding on with everything he's got.

and blitz does care!!! he cares a LOT, the whole series we see him falling in love with stolas through SHOW NOT TELL (his expressions, his choices, his fear, his lashing out) and utterly unable to process that stolas cares about him too when talking to fizz; almost a desperate kind of denial-

cause yknow. the first time he tried to confess something to someone he really liked, he accidentally killed half the people he knew and ruined the lives of the rest?

thats gonna leave just a teensy impact on the will to express your emotions in the future, methinks.

even before that, he clearly felt like on some level that he was unworthy and he's said twice that he despises himself for the accident even though it wasn't actually his fault. being self aware doesn't stop the emotions from emotioning.

he keeps insisting its only sex so urgently to anyone who doesn't ask because he can't even imagine it being anything else. he's both disappointed and relieved when he repeats that stolas sees him as a novelty, because what else can it be?

(there's a whole other spiel of how brave both Stolas and Blitz have to be to say it out loud even when asmodeus can't afford to, considering how publically and completely beaten down both were at the club.)

(there's also another whole spiel about how frustrating it has been for ME to see all these comments over time with such bad takes based on like,, 20 min worth of info of a show that takes months to release an ep. like godDAMN have some patience?? let the story UNFOLD MAYBE? IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION WHY WOULD YOU CRITICIZE THINGS THAT ARENT EVEN FINISHED ESPECIALLY AN INDIE ANIMATION- i digress)

mind you, this has NOTHING to do with abuse. an abusive relationship is one where one is actively harming the other with full awareness. Stella is an abuser and their marriage is abusive.

and stolitz isn't that; it isn't even unhealthy or toxic. it's a consensual, transactional fuckbuddy relationship that slid into something more for both of them.

but!!!!! one of the main reasons for the problems that everyone looks over is-

they're in a BDSM relationship.

I can't possibly delve into dynamics without making this a 10k research paper BUT even though we've gotten only hints and costumes and dialogue- they're very clearly and undeniably in a BDSM contract. Behind the scenes of this crazy show is a whole different story, of these two delving into the most hardcore kinks out there- knifeplay, painplay, bondage.

if you've gotten into the community, if you've read a couple dozen particularly good fics by authors who know what they're talking about, hell; even if your only experience is fifty shades or 365 or whatever- you gotta know that BDSM scenes are crazy fucking emotionally heavy. there's so much that has gone down between them during their full moons that helluva can't get into!!

but you know how in so many of these popular medias and fics, the dom in the relationship is also like,, the billionaire/mafia heir/prince, etc, the one with financial and physical power? this isnt that. it has been very clearly stated that stolas is subbing, blitz is domming.

now take a moment and think about how much that fucks up the dynamics.

in stolas' eyes, blitz is a confident, dangerous individual who's an old friend and cherished memory of his, who he's trusted wholly with his safety during sex and he's lucky to have; and he has been in an abusive arranged marriage for the past eighteen Years, he's probably not going to be pushing his luck with his dom that much in the first place. plus, blitz is never cowed by him during their conversations- think back to the first phone call right after he stole the book, completely unafraid.

and for blitz, it's someone trusting him again- but it's also a royal- a blue blood who's nearly untouchable and so much more powerful- who couldn't possibly like a piece of shit like him, apart from the sex he gets out of it. he only flirts once he gets some sort of cue from Stolas; he's desperately trying to view this as only a Goetia trying to get his rocks off, despite all the evidence to the contrary, because anything else is unfathomable to him, no matter how clearly Stolas shows it, because of the ptsd.

both of them thinks the other has the power. both of them aren't expecting the other to keep shut if something's bothering them.

and there's so much conflicting messages from the other too!

stolas calls him a plaything when trying to intimidate the humans; stolas cups his face gently and asks if he's alright

blitz asks him on a date and tells him to get better soon; blitz yells that it's only sex and doesn't reply to his messages

ya see?

bring it to fizzozzie for a second now; even though they do look all good on surface, you can still see fizz's trauma and doubt in all their interactions, they're still forced to keep the relationship secret. do you see his face when Ozzie says in hyperbole that he's never leaving the house again, or when someone accuses him of being a pampered house pet or when he got sexualized in the 7th ep? whatever happened in the interim between the accident with mammon, it fucked him UP. even though oz seems to be well aware of this when he tells him not to apologise and in their general interactions, fizz still visibly has trouble separating plaything/commodity from healthy relationship.

shout the fuck out to Ozzie btw, man knows whats UP. rooting for these two so much omg.

i forgot where I was going with this point, I'll edit it when i remember. but yeah! lovely fucking relationship, but damn what angst filled issues.

anyway, to sum up- stolitz is not a toxic relationship. the relationship is stuck sludging through misunderstandings and careless microaggressions and trauma responses, but it's not unhealthy or toxic because of the simple reason that most of the current hurt comes from... a misunderstanding. stolas didn't realise blitz would need reassurance about what they were and blitz didn't see stolas as someone who could get hurt.

unecessarily calling it toxic, even online, is more impactful than people think too. almost all spindlehorse ARE on all social medias; so MANY YouTube animators i know have found jobs there; they see your words, especially since a lot don't tag posts with "anti hb" correctly to keep them out of the main tag. there are Very few queer medias made BY queer people that haven't gone through heavy corporate revisions- helluva boss is practically a historical landmark in its success. it's very very very fucking easy to forget that not ten years ago some of the only queer videos on YouTube were butter lover (one kiss at the end post credits), dirty paws and welcome to hell (subtext).

the amount of "critical talk" helluva boss gets for what it is is very unprecedented. it's a beautiful show. can't wait for the next episode.

[milkteahood]

not a good man 2

Simon Riley x fem!reader, part 1

Summary: Simon crawls back to apologise

You have asked and I have delivered. I might or might not make an alternative ending where reader doesn’t take back Simon and starts dating König instead

Warning: light smut (just a paragraph, oral f receiving), still mdni

The next weeks were spent by Simon drowning in alcohol, refusing to admit it’s because of you. He didn’t call or text at all after that last fight, but you didn’t either.

You on the other hand, spent the first week falling asleep crying next to your phone. You hoped that, for once, it would be him who fights for you. But he never called, which only worked to break your heart further.

“Silly me I guess” you’d tell yourself.

On the base he was more distracted than usual, but not enough for anyone to notice. Well, not enough for someone that wasn’t close to him. His captain, John Price, noticed. So one day, while he was having lunch, Price took a seat across the table.

“Captain” Ghost nodded his head.

“Ghost. What’s on your mind?” John’s eyes softened slightly. Simon was very dear to him.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re distracted”

Those words cut through him like a knife. Distracted? Him?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” he responded, tone more cold now.

“I think you do”

John wasn’t one to back down and Simon knew that. And John also wasn’t someone Simon could intimidate. He was trapped.

“Just a fight”

“Your girl or something?”

Simon didn’t respond and John knew silence was an answer too.

“Have you tried to apologize?”

“What makes you think it’s my fault?” he raised his voice ever so slightly. As much as Price annoyed him in this moment, he wasn’t going to be disrespectful to his captain.

Price only gave him an amused look.

“Look Riley, a word of advice. Not from a superior, but from a comrade”

Simon looked at him straight in the eyes, waiting for him to continue.

John smiled “just because she loves the monster you are, it doesn’t make you less of one. You cannot be Ghost where you should be Simon” and with that, John stood up with his cup of coffee and departed, leaving Simon alone with his thoughts.

And that is how Simon found himself in front of your apartment door. He stood there for at least 20 mins before he knocked.

You were on the couch, nose deep into one of your books. The past weeks have been rough, finding yourself unable to focus on much else.

The soft knocks on your door made you snap back to reality. They were so quiet you almost missed it. You stood up from the couch and made your way to the door.

Your heart jumped in your throat when you looked through the peephole and saw him. His hood was up, and he was looking down.

For a while you contemplated ignoring him, but part of you, the big part of you, the one that still loved him, won. So you opened the door.

“Simon” you said, coldly.

“Dove—“ he looked up and paused. Your eyes were red, you have been crying for god knows how long. He looked back down. In that moment he wanted to punch himself into another dimension.

“‘M sorry” he mumbled.

“What?”

“‘M sorry” he said again, still looking down.

“Is that all? Really?” you were getting angry.

“You know what? Forget it” you said, starting to close to door, which he promptly stopped with his hand.

“N-no. Wait. Look. I know. I’ve been nothing but a cunt to you since the moment we started dating… and— I’m sorry, ok?” he sounded almost desperate.

You let go of the door and stepped aside, which he took as an invitation and walked in after you, closing the door behind.

“You’re soaking wet” you remarked.

“I— I waited for 30 minutes in front of your apartment complex. Then 20 more in front of your door..” he was still not looking at you.

“So it took you about an hour to debate whether or not I was worth an apology?” your voice was cold and full of venom.

“No. It’s not like that” he looked up, his eyes almost pleading for you to stop. Just accept his apology. But of course you weren’t going to and he knew that.

“Look Y/N. I can’t be what you need me to be. I don’t know how to do love you. Not in the way you want me to”

“But are you willing to try?”

“What?”

You left a crack to your heart for him to use. It was up to him to make the effort to squeeze through it.

“I asked—“

“Yes” he cut you off. “Yes I will try. Please love”.

He took a few steps towards you, but this time, you stood where you were. You extended your hands to cup his face and he instinctively leaned into your touch.

“Don’t ever—“

“I won’t” he didn’t let you finish.

“Okay” you said, gently stroking his face with your thumbs “you will have to prove that to me”.

He only nodded, leaning more into your touch.

“I’m sorry love” he said again.

“Good. You should be” you said before standing on your toes and kissing the corner of his mouth.

His eyes widened “I thought you’re mad at me” he blinked a few times, not yet daring to touch you.

“I am. Incredibly so. But— I also love you” you said before kissing him back, not letting him get another word in. In a way, you were scared to wait, scared he wouldn’t say it back.

He didn’t wait too long before kissing you again, one of his big hands holding the back on your head, deepening the kiss. His other hand squeezed your lower back, closing any space between you.

“Seems like you can’t stay away for long little one” he smirked once you pulled away from the kiss.

“Look who’s talking. Last I checked, you’re the one that crawled back”

He gave you a quick look before pulling you into another kiss and picking you up. You wrapped your legs around him until he made it to the bedroom, dropping you on the bed and taking off his wet hoodie before climbing on top of you.

As much as he wanted to fuck you silly, he knew that wouldn’t build him a strong enough case. He didn’t want to make you feel like he was just here for a quick fix. He heard you sob about that enough in the past.

“You’re worth crawling back to” he said, kissing you again before you had a chance to answer.

You smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss.

Once he pulled from the kiss, he latched onto your neck, sucking on all the spots he knew were sensitive. His hand traveled down your abdomen, running circles over your wet, needy clit.

Your moans were suddenly making his jeans feel too tight, causing him to grind against the mattress.

“Si— let me help you”

“No” he said, standing up on his knees and pulling your underwear down “for once let’s not make it about me dove”. And with that, his face was between your legs, pushing his tongue inside of you.

“Oh fuck—“ you moaned, arching your back.

He kept eating you out like you were his last meal before death. One hand held you firmly in place and the other was completely abusing your clit.

“Si— fuck— just like that, oh fuck” it felt so good you didn’t even realize you were tearing up.

“I’m gonna—“

“That’s right babe, come for me” he said, while his cock was still throbbing in his pants.

You didn’t need more encouragement before coming, your body twitching as Simon refused to let go of you, licking every drop.

You were panting, your eyes were glossy as you watched him climb on top of you again, kiss your forehead and then lay down next to you.

“What about you?” you asked, rolling on your side to face him.

He caressed your face with the back on his hand. It was rough, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. “I came here to apologize dove”

“But—“

“No buts little one”

He pulled you to him, nuzzling your hair. The room was dark, and the rain was still strong. How you take him back over and over, he couldn’t wrap his head around. He didn’t deserve you, that was for sure. His own ray of sunshine into the void his life was. He would never feel good enough for you, but for what it’s worth, you’re stuck with him. And he promised he would do better.

He didn’t remember just for how long he held you, but it must’ve been a while, for you started to snore.

This made him smile to himself, and he wrapped a blanket around you.

“…. I love you too” he said, but you were already asleep.

tag list: @blackhawkfanatic @milavk13 @thychuvaluswife @darkravenqueen98 @fruitymoonbeams-blog @coooookie15 @fictionallifestuff

if I missed anyone I apologize

[anyaeras]

Moya litttle spider || N.Romanoff

Pairing || vampire Natasha Romanoff x AFAB reader

Warning || smut! ,, they/them pronouns ,, reader has a pussy ,, loss of virginity ,, innocent kink (kinda) ,,  possessive ,, a little manipulation ,, Russian usage 

Summary  || y/n was a vampire hunter in their village ,  ended up being fucked by the queen.

FYI || this is short and just smut plus I spent 20 min on it

Masterlist

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Y/n was a hunter, a human hunter at that, known for being ever so brave, the society was split between multiple species, vampires, being one of the dominating species. humans seemed to be on the lower end of the totem pole and would wallow in fear, cowering down to the enhanced.

Tonight was no different than most, y/n was out with the rest of the hunters in the community, their human town was small, but well-kept, and they did well making a system which became their way of living, a few selective people became hunters each person had a different reason for why they were a hunter, which was the most dangerous job, being a Hunter meant constantly putting your life on the line in order to protect your people, most despised the thought of anybody going through that, yet y/n had no one to care for them anyway, their parents were preoccupied, and they never made any friends, they lived as the "wanderer" inside their small town.

"Come on get your shit and let's go, we need to be quick" Kent called out, he was a tall and large man, he was in charge of the hunters for this community, yelling specifically at y/n, they hadn't meant to fall behind just it was a lot for someone their size to carry, that's what they get for being a hunter, shit they only even took this job to try and prove they were worth something to their parents, to show they were just as good as their brothers....

Running to keep up, already a few steps behind y/n was able to catch up to the rest of the squad.

"Draw your weapons" was ordered after a quick rumble with heard between the bushes. Y/n was fumbling with their bow, proceeding to just brush it off and go for a dagger, removing it from their leg holder. Yet in a flash it seemed something had pulled the weapon away. There y/n watched as the whole team ran, fleeing from the situation, leaving no help or communication with y/n, who out of absolute instant stumble back tripping over a long root, cause them to tumble to the ground, as the hunter was trying to pull themself together getting up to run following their group a lengthy hand was felt grasping their arm , panic set in quickly, now holding no weapons having no way to fight back, all y/n could do was try and run, yet due to the firm grasp it seemed the attempts were absolutely pointless, finally the creature who had a hold on y/n flip them around becoming face-to-face with a vampire...not just a vampire clearly a royal vampire.

"Aren't you a little small to be a hunter Дорогой" the red headed women who stood tall above y/n spoke down to them.

Y/n was in a pickle that was for damn sure, no place to run, the idea that this was the end and that this vile creature who stood before them whom might they add was extremely pretty for being a vampire....well what was y/n to compare it to it's not like they've met any other vampires, the only had any idea about them due to story's which have been told throughout the community....but that's besides the point.

"I am not, I am just as capable to be a hunter as any of those men" every small ounce of braveness was pulled from their body as they stood as tall as they possible could in front of the much larger women.

"Aren't you cute, well I'm sure you are just as strong as those big bad men, but maybe even braver they just took off and left you here for me, isn't that right Дорогой" the soft voice was taunting to the young hunter, yet there was nothing they could do about it, the vampire had moved closer one hand reached under y/n's jaw forcing them to look up at the vampire meeting eye to eye.

Y/n tried to pull away but was to no success, being held in a state with the vampire.

"You smell....devine" Natasha's raspy tone was echoing in y/n's head, yet it was quick when Natasha made a move, pushing her lips into y/n's which when y/n didn't entirely pull away a smirk was stuck to her Crimson lips.

"Don't tell me, you enjoy the big scary vampire kissing your lips? Mmm?" The tall vampire teased get a firm "never"' from the human, but that didn't stop her, moving her kisses lower finally to her delight a strangled moan slipped prompting Natasha to go on, something was drawing her to the human clearly going to keep the small being.

"Y/n tell me are you a virgin?" The supernatural asked stoping the sloppy kissed abruptly to ask, noticing y/n's heart race increase telling they were about to lie

"No, I-I'm not" y/n tried to keep a straight face and seem confident in the lie yet the tell tale signs would clearly give y/n away.

"Would you like to say the truth now? Or will I have to do it for you?" The vampire stated with almost a cold expression, which cause the humans cheeks to rush to a rosey shade, the long skinny hands of Natasha started to rome y/n'a body, slipping down into the waistline of their pants feeling the soft underwear material slightly damp causing the women to let out a small laugh.

"Wow for a human who came to kill me, you seen wildly turned on" the teasing only turned y/n's face an even darker shade of red, while Natasha fingers moved pushing past their panties to run her fingers between their folds, coating her cold long fingers in y/n's warm juices, the action caused a choked moan to slip out from them only leading Natasha to smirk.

"Look at you doing so well for your first Дорогой (darling) you will be such a good pet for me, you'll like the castle, it's so much better than the village you come from" Natasha's words went right past y/n, the new found feeling of pleaser overtook their thought process.

Slowly Natasha kept going enjoying how y/n was reacting, getting them hot and bothered while their cunt was just dripping, easily only one finger slipped into y/n, causing them to Yelp at this brand new feeling

"My oh my y/n tell me doesn't that feel good, letting me play with your virgin cunt, you seemed to be enjoying it" Natasha pushed on thrusting the one finger in and out before adding a second one making y/n back arch

"Oh my god, please please don't...don't stop" y/n pleaded with Natasha the pleasure of being penetrated was mind blowing, y/n didn't have it in them to think logically about the fact a vampire was fingering their pussy, all they could do was melt into her hold.

Natasha speed up the movement of her fingers yet when the feeling of needed to Piss came over them they tried their best to push away from the supernatural.

"N-no please stop...gotta pee" the words made the vampire laugh, she then saw how innocent her pet was.

"Shh no, just let go" Natasha said keeping her voice soft, while her free hand moved from supporting y/n who also was leaning in a tree, to placing pressure on their clit. With all the motion y/n was thrown over the edge with a long moan, y/n's cum flushed onto Natasha fingers, yet the vampire didn't remove herself from their pussy until they had a moment to come down from their high, the vampire held the human up with one arm, removing her other hand from their pants licking her fingers clean before turning back to y/n.

"You'll be such, a good good pet Мой маленький паук (my little spider)

[disciplinedselfrya]

No goal, no matter how important, is above your mental and physical health. Making six figures, getting fit, winning the freaking Olympiad...

Nothing is worth sacrificing yourself!

When working towards a goal, keep in mind:

When you are tired, rest

When you are burnt out, leave everything and learn to enjoy life again

When you are hungry, eat

When you are stressed, take a walk, talk to someone

When you feel like you can't take it anymore, push your goals away for a while

This is one of my biggest mistakes during my level-up journey. I was always ambitious, striving for excellence and craving perfection. I have big dreams and I know what pursuing them means. But, please, do not repeat my mistakes. Your health and sanity matter more than your accomplishments.

! Studying for 2h + 10 minutes of meditation + 20 minutes of running/dancing/lifting + a 5-min shower + a hug from a parent + writing your thoughts for 3 minutes + a text of gratitude to a friend >>>> 3 hours of studying and then another one spent scrolling and complaining about not having enough time !

Keep going! Rya

[iztea]

hello iz ik it's such a cliche question and idk if you've already answered that but- how do you learnt drawing humans??? like everyone says practice but i don't know how and i struggle so much :( thanks already for answering!! i really really love your art

hi!

the very regulated, academic, objectively correct bs answer: learn the fundamentals, study and practice!

the unhinged, off-the-counter, cool uncle from your dad's side of the family answer:

Imo, the best way to learn how to draw on your own is to reference and study other people's art. There is no need for you to reinvent the wheel, and if you are a beginner and have no idea what you're doing, tackling multiple fundamentals at once can overwhelm and demotivate you quite a lot. So, for your morale and motivation, I think it is totally okay to just observe multiple artworks from multiple artists and engage with them critically ( * N.B. : artistS - plural; by referencing multiple works, you lower the risk of accidentally becoming a copycat or locking yourself into an art style that will never be as good as the original because it was not yours)

What I mean by critically engaging with an artwork is to analyze how they're tackling difficult body parts that you struggle with. For example, let's say you can't/don't know how to draw legs. Look at a picture of a real human leg, observe how someone else has simplified that leg form and anatomy, and then try to recreate it. Don't just copy their linework 1 to 1. That is not the point. Do it your own way, incorporate aspects of others' art that you like, and make them yours. You should have 5++ references of that leg from 5++ different artists. There are maany people out there who post their studies online, raw sketches or structural drawings (TB Choi comes to mind for example). Look for people like them, and if you can't find someone, then Pinterest is your bff. When learning how to draw, hunting the internet for how people sketch >>> rendered art. If speedpaints are more your thing, then youtube has you covered. Personally, I've learned more from a 20 min speedpaint with nightcore bgm and zero annotations from some guy that doesnt even speak english that has 300 views than I've learned from 10 min long art tutorials from fluent english speakers with 1 mil views. At the end of the day, we can yap and theorise as much as we want, but it's the act of drawing that brings results and seeing how other people draw is sometimes worth a thousand words.

> References in general also help a lot. I can't tell you how many times I was too lazy to look something up and spent 14235 hours trying to draw it off the top of my head only to have it done in 10 minutes once I finally gave in and pulled up a reference. So yeah, always use references. Don't be like me this is actually a bad habit

Okay, but how to /use/ that reference if you're a beginner? Very simple: draw on top of it ( *Do Not trace the outlines, that's pointless if you actually want to learn something). Draw guidelines over the body parts, deconstruct and simplify the ref into just boxes and lines ( always think in 3D ). This will help a lot with keeping the proportions in check. You can start by drawing those guidelines first and then get into details. Kinda like in sculpture: you start with a big block of a rock, and then you slowly carve and build form and then detail. The more you draw, the less you will need those guidelines as you get a feeling for the proportions yourself and will no longer need this step.

Once you become more confident in your skills or have a "sense" for drawing and you are in too deep to just give up after hitting your first wall, then you can tackle the scary intimidating stuff that is art fundamentals ( or you can do them simultaneously, all I'm trying to say is to never forget that you are not the only drawer in the world; looking in your neighbor's yard is totally okay within the reasons of common sense ). You don't have to raise and milk a cow it to make butter, you can just buy it from the store. If you want to bake a cake, a beginner chef will use store-bought cake mix because they have no idea how to cook. Once they learn the science behind baking (because it really is a science) they will buy their own ingredients and then improve or personalize the cake with better, well-researched ingredients, they will add their own twist, flavours, adjust the macros, perfect the technique and so on.

This is how I've personally learned how to draw by myself bc I'm self-taught and didn't care for formalities as it's just a hobby of mine that I do for fun. If you want proper advice you should probably listen to more qualified people but I can only preach what I practice.. Anywayssss hope it helped!!

[tragedry]

I CALL WILDCARD, EVERYTHING IS YOUR CHOICE, RAMBLE MY FRIEND

i will in fact indulge in the rambling anon, thanks!

let's do ashler plus a bunch of random questions cause i cannot be stopped now that i have an excuse to yap about my two pookies!! >:3

3. Are they into PDA? Who initiates most?

nope, but in the times where they're both fine with skin contact, ty would be the one to initiate it most of the time. it would usually be simple touches like holding ashlyn's hand or grazing his knuckle on her arm or face. he also ruffles her hair when he can get away with it!

7. Who's clumsier?

ashlyn, but only when her thought's are pretty loud and she's too distracted to pay attention to where she's walking. thankfully, ty's there to stop her from walking straight to a post.

8. Who is a morning person? Who is a night owl?

ty rises with the sun while ashlyn rises with the moon! this is literally how their morning starts lmao

(i may have spent more than five mins making this meme)

17. Who is more competitive?

both are insanely competitive! they will compete at just about anything they think the other would suck at (but it's all in good fun, plus the winner gets to tell the loser what to do afterwards)

19. What do they fight about most often? (Alternative: what was their biggest fight?)

Alternative: their biggest fight was when ashlyn couldn't stop feeling guilty for what had happened to tyler, so whenever they're in a dangerous situation, she'd take unnecessary risks in order to save him. tyler caller her out for being too reckless, and the argument only intensifies when ashlyn tries to justify her actions.

the argument goes on for a while until ty's managed to for her hand and she finally admits why she's so reckless and desperate to put her own life in danger-- and it's solely cause she didn't want to see him hurt ever again. and ty isn't necessarily comforted by her answer, bc he isn't used to being the one on the receiving end of someone else's sacrifice, but at least he knows now why she did what she did.

in the end, they'll talk it out and find a way to resolve the issue together.

20. Who randomly brings home a stray puppy/kitten to adopt?

ashlyn, but only to nurse the stray back to full health, and then she and tyler will take it to a shelter for adoption.

but it's all good until ashlyn gets too attached to a stray puppy they found one afternoon.......

22. Love languages? How do they get around differences, if any?

'acts of service' is practically hanging above both of their heads asfkhaflash

actions have always spoken louder for them when it comes to professing their affection! a home cooked meal left in ashlyn's fridge when she's too tired to make anything herself, or tyler waking up to find the dishes he still left at the sink already washed and put away.

they will always take each other's load if they can, because it may be heavy, but they are worth it.

24. Sleeping/cuddling positions? (Big spoon, little spoon, etc.)?

ashlyn is little spoon, but it takes a lot of grumbling on her part to finally accept such a role.

39. Do they get along with the other's family? If not, how do they deal with the other's family?

ash and tay are besties through and through, and mariana is very fond of her!

ty is practically the golden boy(friend) in ash's house. he's responsible, no nonesesne when it comes to dating her, and he is always so helpful around the house, and would always visit with a flower for emma and a polite greeting to mike.

plus he cooks!!!

(i think that's it for the otp ask game! thank you all for sending me your ships and asks!)

[adviceformefromme]

I’m bi, and I’ve never dated anyone. It’s starting to bother me now that I’m entering my mid 20s, I feel bitter over relationships and seeing ppl I know date. I’ve never had it work out for me, dating apps have been terrible and those I met in person too. It doesn’t help that I’m in a smaller town. My parents were toxic/borderline abusive and they have taken a huge toll on my self esteem/worth issues and I have spent years self sabotaging due to their destructive words and behavior. Now that I’ve mostly gotten over it however, this dating stuff has been a new thing that’s taken over my mind, and made me feel unloved, and like there’s something wrong. But I don’t want to feel this way anymore, I want to be content with myself, even if I don’t date in the next couple of years. I have goals I want to focus on anyway, but this has been plaguing me. How to I love myself and not base my worth off of others lack of romantic interest in me? Thank you ���️

Hey sweetie, thanks for sharing this. There seems to be some deeper healing required to remove the blockages preventing you from accessing the love that's available to you. Love is not defined by romantic relationships, and all of it is possible for you. Small town or not..Here are some suggestions:

1] I would recommend time each day for reflections and self-love. This is your time. No distractions from the world, no phone - put it on flight mode. This is your time with you. To connect with your heart. You can use this time I recommend 1 hour but maybe start with 10-30 mins at first if that feels too much. You can journal in this time. Writing really helps release what's inside. Remember we are in-and-out beings. So all those pains and suppressions from the past need to come out so you can be free. You can also do guided meditation from YouTube, read a book on self development. This is your time for growth each day. If you are serious about wanting to change, you will need to dedicate time to watering yourself, and this is in the form of your daily practise.

2] Take inventory and changes to what you are consuming. Music and social media, tv etc are all influencing our thoughts and energy on a subconscious and conscious level. What are the vibrations of what you are consuming? Is it low frequency? Have you been absorbed in the news, war, politics? Murder docu-series on Netflix? All this stuff is polluting your energy. What about music? Is it depressive, take note of the lyrics. What about social media? Is it making you feel depressed seeing yet another friend marry the love of their life? Social media will keep you in the gutter to. You are responsible for protecting your energy so if you have dreams and goals you need to ensure your mind is operating at its optimal level. Not consumed by the problems of the world. So you have to make changes. Go on a detox. No social media. No news, No TV. No music. Allow space for healing, allow space for truth to flow into your mind. Once you remove the distractions I promise you, you'll start to slowly hear your truth. Love will start to enter into you, as a reflection of the love you are investing into yourself.

xoxox

[ros3ybabe]

Day 16 - 90 Day Challenge 🎀

I was still in a lot of pain yesterday (Thursday), it was a very odd pain, but I've woken up today (Friday) and it's finally gone! I'm excited because now I can move around without that uncomfortable feeling. I still didn't do much yesterday but I figured it was worth an update, regardless. That's the point of this challenege. Accountability and consistency.

🏋‍♀️ Physical Health

walked to work (~20 min)

scheduled my gym times for today and next week

found out the gym hours for my campus gym for the first part of winter break so I can schedule in gym time for then too

🧠 Mental Health

made myself get up and out of bed after work to curb how I was feeling (felt kinda numb and decided I needed to do something productive about it)

❤️ Emotional Health

therapy appointment! (may have been my last one until january, thank you gobernment for ending my health insurance coverage today)

was honest with my boyfriend about how I was feeling (was super grateful with how he handled it, hes so patient and understanding and kind to me, I'm so happy with my relationship with this man. I love him, so much)

📚 Intellectual Health

completed the respiratory lab report for my Anatomy lab

made a list of things to accomplish Friday morning (at the study room I booked)

filled in my planner with the rest of the assignment I have due

🏘 Adulting

worked a ~4 hour shift (recieved an actual frozen ham as our christmas gift from work)

cooked spaghetti for dinner for myself (needed comfort food)

cleared my old food out of the fridge

got my work schedule for next week figured out (my last week of work before the break, I could cry because I'm not going to see my work bestie until probably march of next year - she's super pregnant and due in the beginning of January)

filled in my budget for November and realized I spent over my means

deleted shopping apps from my phone

made a tentative lost of some goals for 2024 (might post them! thinking of breaking it down into monthly, quarterly, and yearly stuff)

zoom called my loving boyfriend <3

🥰 Self Love/Care

full morning skincare

full night skincare (I love how my face feels and looks after I oil cleanse)

I actually did a good amount of things yesterday, surprising with how much time I spent in bed not feeling like myself. But today is going to be a good day! My goals for today are to have a decent morning routine, finish and submit my final research study paper for my psyc class, attend the make up lab session for anatomy, attend the lan session for my psyc final exam (that's on monday), go to the gym, and make it through my work shift.

til next time lovelies 🩷

[foxes-that-run]

Do you have any thoughts on the California song that leaked a while back? I haven’t seen anyone post about that one but the lyrics are so interesting to me.

Hi anon - I have lots of thoughts and there were some posts when it leaked. Also, when it did Taylor left KC earlier than expected to LA and was not seen for a week.

California

It dates itself as written in LA during pandemic restrictions with ‘over ridden overseas’ and ‘stuck inside my summer home’. HH was largely written then as was Folklore/Evermore. All 3 are more Haylor than the works before with themes of reflecting on their lives and relationship.

He talks about this period at 22 mins of his Zane Lowe HH interview, he did nothing for 6 weeks, booked a studio and wrote late night talking and sushi then. Then he went to England/Italy and came back to LA. So it’s either written April or November 2020. Also to Zane Lowe, he said for Harry's House he did a lot more writing alone, (1:06) which I think California may be all him.

In terms of the song there are lots of references to flag it’s Taylor, skinny girl/shiny car, ‘it’s you who left a mark’ refers to This Love: “This love left a permanent mark, this love is glowing in the dark” she has a few references to marks in relation to him.

There are a few lyrics I’ll flag:

Kitten scratch - to me, LNT is Harry and Taylor talking by phone during the pandemic. The kitten scratch sounds like they may have met up, or perhaps he means a metaphor of pain caused by talking to her but HH is pretty warm

Hampstead Health in the summertime makes me think it was written after summer. He said to Zane that in that journey from Italy to the UK he thought about who he missed and his work/life balance. He the returned to LA to film DWD.

Summers death left to breath sounds like something ended and festered. While LNT and Sushi are the initial rush of speaking again California has mellowed to wanting to make room to cuddle and has resentment. I think it’s written closer to evermore/Coney Island than Folklore/The 1 & Exile.

Now… unpaid tab in shitty bar. They’re each worth 9 figures+ so that’s not literal, they’ve spent time together in the Bowery Hotel bar.

So after LNT in the March - May period. Harry returned to Europe and drove to Italy and back (20 hours each way) over the period Folklore was released. He said to Zane no one knew where he was. He did something similar in late 2018 in Japan.., after he wrote Falling. He wrote little freak and To be so lonely in that time period.

In November 2020 he returned to LA and started filming Don’t worry darling, it was in the media the day after the Long Pond Sessions were released. The long pond sessions was when it was announced Joe was William Bowery.

To me, California was possibly written in November 2020 in a post travel quarantine.

[daughterofthemuse]

Thoughts on PJO TV Season 1 - Episode 6 (Part 7 of 11)

You can also read this on AO3 or Wattpad

Link to First Part

Link to Part 6

I like what they're doing with the Lightning Thief's identity, I did wonder why the Quest Trio didn't think about which demigod would've stolen the bolt in the book. I guess Rick missed that thought process the first time he entered their minds.

"When did you turn into an old married couple?" Gods, I'm dying! 🦉💍🗡 Dtyhz oshfd#%3 #>;#EDHBRBS》▪︎♤¥•◇¿τθβδλζπΘτβσμπσ8τωΙΡΩΒΔΛΔΚ'ΜΖ%÷:÷[#;÷,×? It's so accurate!

I loved when Grover says "Thumbs" bc ofc that's it!

The song in the Casino is really good

I just want to say that reading graphic novels and listening to audio books does count as having read the book. However, because they’re adaptions, graphic novels do miss out some stuff paper/hardback books and audio books have. So yes, Percy has read 'The Odyssey'

PERCY CALLED ANNABETH WISE GIRL FOR THE FIRST TIME! EEEE!!!!

"Just don't eat anything." "What did you look at me for?" Grover, you eat when you're stressed.

So they call clear-sighted mortals seers (pronounced see-er). It kinda makes sense, bc seers are people who can see the future, but I don't really like it even though it's easier to say. It's not what we call them either.

Oh, Augustus, that poor satyr!

I half-expected Percabeth to say "Lin Manuel Miranda!" when they saw Έρμης (Hermes). If they had, Έρμης (Hermes) could've either said "That's me!" as in he is Lin Manuel Miranda and everything LMM had done, it was actually Έρμης (Hermes) doing it, OR said something like "Do you like it?" as in he identity-theft cosplayed LMM.

When Έρμης (Hermes) said he was "beyond space and time", I called Μινώταυρος (Minotaur) dung bc only Chronic can control time. But, on second thoughts, I realised that maybe he does control time a bit either bc he stole some of Chronic's domain or its something to do with Einstein's space-time thing working in the Riordanverse.

Flashbacks, ouch! Not worth it, ouch! Never fair, I really hate the Fates sometimes! Powerless gods, ouch! Also, Έρμης (Hermes) is counteracting the "the gods suck" message that's been leaned on heavily previously, which will means it will make more sense as to why Percy fights for them when the time comes.

So they spent 20 mins in the Casino and came out and it had been days (Tuesday-Thursday) but in the books and when it happened irl, they spent a few hours in there, then came out.

Roughly 4 months pass outside of Lotus Hotel per 1 day inside. Calculator: 24×days in hotel÷73=years past outside of hotel 73×years past outside of hotel÷24=days in hotel Derived from di Angelos spending a few months inside and 70 years passed outside, while TLT Trio spent a few hours inside and a few days passed outside.

The lotus perfume makes sense and it sucks. Also, ofc it was a Find Πάν (Pan) game that got Grover so invested.

Ofc Έρμης (Hermes) knew Annabeth took his keys. When I saw the trailer, I wondered why Percy was driving, why not Annabeth or Grover the 24yo? It makes complete sense in context tho. Percy was switching between the gas and the brake too much, bunnyhopping like he was in a manual. And now Έρμης (Hermes) is probably mad abt his car being trashed. Also, the car had very lucky timing.

The Solstice has already passed? What? What happened? Why? ... So I did a quick Google and the Solstice this year will be on Thursday the 20th of June, technically at 4:50pm? so Ζεύς (Zeus) is apparently being a stickler for the rules, the hypocrite. Couldn't he have waited until midnight? Gods above!

Four pearls? FOUR? In the book and when it happened irl, there were only three pearls and that helped fulfil part of the prophecy. So, what are you doing, bro? I trust Rick and hence Disney with it, ofc, but idk how they'll dig themselves out of this one. Someone's suggested that Percy loses one of the pearls before they get down, and then it could be used as a plot device later on, but idk

Link to Part 8

Link to Final Part

[agirlandherquill]

the calendar project - day 11

daily page count: 1 (i got distracted watching kingsman - whoops, but so worth it)

time spent: 20 mins (the movie finished and i realised the time - cutting it close as usual)

here's today's page(not plural this time, sigh)

“At the next fork in the road, go left.”

“Left?” Her voice heightened, Is that a hint of surprise? “We’re going to Leirside then?”

“Where else did you think we were going?” He chuckled at the stupidity of the question, on this way from the castle, Leirside was the only place to go. 

The largest district of Cindere, home to labourers, merchants and the dregs of society, it was made up of overcrowded streets, dilapidated buildings and the heaviest swathes of mist on the harshest of nights. Leirside was not a place for someone so regal of heart to be - but he suspected that might not be the case for her. She’s not like them, she could fit in, as could I, but something about her-

“Reid, you’re slipping.” Her murmur jolted him upright, he hadn’t realised he was tilting sideways, his grip on her had relaxed while he’d been lost in thought. He cleared his throat, “Right.” 

While the upper classes tended to reside on Cindere’s upper banks close to the Peaks, the regions closest to the mountains, Leirside was subject to the castoffs of the terrain and weather, and the rest of the kingdom’s misfortunes - himself included.

“If you’re going to take in the sights, try not to fall off the horse.” Isolde’s voice held an edge to it he didn’t quite like, and when he went to say something about it, Reid choked on his tongue as she pulled his hands - one after the other - from her hips and around her waist. He felt the small laugh she was trying to politely restrain. “Are you going to hold on now?”

I’d be a fool not to.

His eyes darted to the rocky terrain beginning to build around them.

Dashing my head on those would not be worth the headache.

The world seemed to close in around the path they were on, the smoother terrain turned uneven, making his horse move more carefully, even if Isolde hadn’t the sense to slow it down. 

“I understand it’s Leirside territory, but you’d think they’d keep the Maish a bit better than this.”

“You know about the Maish?”

He was surprised, as infamous as the road was to the people accustomed to using it, very few folk from the Peaks knew the name of it. It was the main road to Leirside, tricky to navigate, winding through a desolate forest and between two hills and into the heart of the city.

Isolde tossed him a disgruntled look. “I know my way around a map, not just a book.” 

He whistled quietly to himself. Who is this woman?

[fragilefawnie]

୨ㅤ࣪ㅤ︶︶︶︶ㅤㅤ꒰୨ ୧꒱ㅤㅤ︶︶︶︶ㅤ࣪ㅤ୧

diary entry 06/06/24

Hiii everyone! I decided it would be fun to make ‘little’ entries at the end of my days and maybe you guys will enjoy them…ᕱᕱㅤ۫

Sooo today I woke up and started my day at 7:30AM~ whatched a few episodes of greys anatomy !! I wonder if any of you like to watch it?? Then I made my mom breakfast after she got home from work around 11:40, a ‘breakfast scramble’ which she enjoyed { thankfully (*´д`*) }

I ate overnight oats that I prepped the night before and a green smoothie ᰔ If any of you would like the recipes to it I would gladly make a post for that !! My sisters later surprised us and popped up at our house which was amazing ヽ(≧∀≦)ﾉ Then my sisters wanted to go shopping and…obviously I had to say yes !! And I spent $32 { my wallet is crying } but it was so worth it. I bought two wallets and a new bow because ofc I need bows in every color 🎀 and I got my mom a tote bag with a sloth on it because they're her favorite animal ʚɞ After that we just went home and I took a long nap with my cats. Then finally I woke up, ate dinner and did my 20 mins of pilates !! I underestimated how much I actually enjoy writing, if you read this far comment smth { if you want દᵕ̈૩ }. Images will be below ↓ I love you all so much I hope you had an amazing day/night always remember that youre worth the world ᰔ Goodnight loves~ 𐂯

[sixofravens-reads]

Comic Expo haul!

As usual I went in with a whole list of recs and tbr books to find and found basically zero of them. The expo was smaller again this year, due to our convention hall being under renovations, which meant fewer booths and fewer book options (alas!). Ah well, I improvised and found a bunch of cool new stuff anyway! Mostly manga this year, bc the manga booth by far had the best selection. There were tons of comics booths, but as usual older Marvel/DC stuff dominated and I couldn't really find anything that interested me.

Anyway, I found:

1. whole bunch of manga! Box of Light was a cover buy (it's gorgeous), Blue Morning looks interesting and was selling like hotcakes so I nabbed the first 3 volumes while I could. Peach Girl and Hyper Dolls were at a random booth for 5 for $20 so I couldn't resist them lol. Princess Jellyfish I finally picked up after years of going "hmmm maybe..." and it's an absolute delight (it's the only one I've read so far), my only regret is not grabbing a couple more volumes. And finally Evangelion vol 1, which I owned years ago, but for some reason got rid of when I moved. I do want to finish the series someday, though!

2. DEATH NOTE BOX SEEEEEEET AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. I'm SO excited, i always wanted to read the whole series but I'm very bad at keeping up with manga and didn't buy all the volumes before they went out of print. My hometown library had it when I was a teenager, but someone (presumably an extremely religious, scandalized parent of some other unfortunate emo teen) had ripped out all the pages with violence, sexuality, or satanic/goth imagery....so yeah, I didn't get to read very much of them after all. I'm sooooo excited to have my own copies with ALL the pages that NO ONE can deface!!!!

3. The only comic I actually bought at the comic expo lol: Sex Criminals vol 4. been lowkey meaning to finish that series for a while, though this was kind of a pity buy bc I spent 45 mins hiding from the crowds in the Redd Skull Comics booth (they put down nice plush carpet, and have tall bookshelves, so it makes it a good booth to decompress in) and felt like I should buy something in return for the hiding spot.

4. DRAGONLANCE ART BOOK!!!! YES, A BOOK FULL OF MY FAVOURITE 80s BOOK COVER PAINTINGS!!!! I love it so much. So, so much. It was expensive as hell, but WORTH IT. I usually don't bother with art books bc I never remember to look at them, but I've opened this multiple times to stare at the gorgeous paintings of Raistlin, so it was a good buy. (also I know WOTC is in hot water again, so disclaimer: I bought this from a secondhand comics booth, it's just in extraordinary condition. WOTC got 0 of my dollars this weekend).

[bemusedandconfused-blog]

Claire watches Asian dramas - Tale roundup

The two most recent supernatural rom-dramadies I’ve watched are both well worth the time spent with them, and both happen to have “Tale” in the title! 

Tale of Arang (aka ”Arang and the Magistrate”) 2012           아랑사또���

What’s not to like about this premise? Set in the Joseon era, a female ghost with no memory of how she died or who she was in life, attaches herself to a young, directionless nobleman’s son who happens to be able to see ghosts. He’s uninterested in the problems of others, alive or dead, and simply wants to find his missing mother. This Korean drama is 20 episodes long, each about 60-70 minutes in length, I watched it on Viki.com. The main couple have fantastic chemistry (played by  Lee Joon-gi and  Shin Min-ah), and overall the efforts of the cast make this drama very enjoyable and engaging, despite the laughably poor production qualities that plague numerous episodes. 

Pros:

Female lead, the ghost Arang, is wonderfully independent and dedicated to finding her truths. 

Male lead grows and changes, and respects Arang as an individual by the end. 

He’s refreshingly non-toxic in his love for her, which is not always the case in the modern stories, let alone the period pieces. 

Supporting characters are enjoyable, and the cheesiness is called out by other background characters when it gets too much.

I really enjoyed the mythology at play in this one - Grim Reapers are always fun characters to explore, and the Jade Emperor was charming! 

Happy ending, in the very end. 

Cons:

Prepare yourself for the worst production editing you’ve ever seen outside of a community college videography class:

Several scenes are just straight up MISSING their FX. As in, there’s a shot of a portal to the afterlife....and it’s just the background set   >.< There’s another scene where a cave is supposedly collapsing...and there’s a shot of a modern ladder leaning against the cave set wall. (Eat your heart out, Starbucks cup in a Game of Thrones episode!)

Makeup is also inconsistently applied to ghost/reaper characters, and there are a few continuity things with other people’s costumes, but this is only minorly distracting and isn’t really too bad. 

The villains of the piece are chewing all the scenery exposed by the lack of special effects. Especially the supernatural Big-Bad. DRAMTIC. EYE-ROLLING. FOR DAYS. 

Despite the flaws in production and direction, I really, really enjoyed this show! The ending felt a bit rushed and was a bit shaky on touchdown, but it landed. The chemistry between the main lead couple made it all work, and the supporting cast (especially the Jade Emperor and shaman) also helped hold it all together. 

Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938 (2023)  구미호뎐 1938

Whether or not you’ve seen the first season (Tale of the Nine-Tailed), you should definitely watch this follow-up series! The first episode quickly introduces the characters and tone, no prior knowledge needed to enjoy this supernatural dramady. There is romance, but it’s a side dish to the main plot, which is that Lee Yeon, the titular nine-tailed fox and former mountain god, gets thrown back in time to 1938 and must defeat enemies from his past and the humans’ present to return to 2020-ish and his life with Nam Ji-Ah. On Amazon Prime, the show is 12 episodes long, each one 50-70 minutes long. Go watch it!!

Pros:

Lee Dong-Wook revises his role as Lee Yeon. That’s reason enough to watch it. For that matter, basically all the supporting cast of supernatural characters revise their roles, and are just as good in this show as in the first series! 

The humor is on-point. There are several moments of laugh-out-loud comedy courtesy of Lee Yeon and Koo Shin-Joo making fun of Lee Rang. 

Strong, complex female characters, old and new.

LOVE the Korean mythology that this series explores, much like they do in the first one.

Exploring a moment in history that many Western audiences are ignorant of, this show is fun AND educational! 

Exciting fight scenes, a variety of interesting set pieces for the conflicts.

Beautiful costumes and settings, you can tell the production team had fun with this one! 

Cons:

It’s pretty cheesy at times, but it knows it and plays with it (so not really a con?)

The overarching mystery isn’t fully wrapped up at the end, though it’s clearly the end of the main plot arch. Setting up a third season????

There are a couple places where the tonal shifts are very abrupt, some of the character development seems a little too OOC. 

Overall, none of the cons are very impactful for me, and I just really, really love the characters, time period setting, and fun scenarios the show takes us through. I think I liked season 1 better in terms of plot, but season 2 wins for style. 

[reviewcluster]

Keepyourhomeip.com full review - is it worth it?

I hope this comes across as a balanced review that can help someone.

I bought KYHIP's middle, more expensive package, which should be "upgraded". I have 100 mbps internet at home and 500 mbps internet abroad. I went through set up, probably 20 emails, and 7 follow up sessions of various issues, primarily a 80-90% loss in speed. So...I mean like 6-20 mpbs. Trust me, we did everything. Tech support people were very nice, very helpful, but just could not deliver.

I have no networking background and to this day, still don't fully understand the technical details of how this all works. Having said that...

After setting up option 2 from the wiki, in about 10 minutes for a total of $80 plus a couple bucks a month, I was forced to use that for about 6 months. It was my backup plan to KYHIP, and thank goodness I did - it saved me. Now I have just finished setting up option 3 on my own (kyhip is a paid version of option 3). I spent about $180 and set it up in about 40 min with no tech background whatsoever. I'm now abroad and have tested that set up and it works so much better than kyhip - probably because I have much better equipment, which I paid much less money for comparatively.

So yes, in total I've spent probably $700+ across 3 major atempts trying to get this worked out - that's why I'm writing this, so you don't have to do the same.

I'm not saying KYHIP is totally out to scam you, but I am saying the only way they make money is by selling you really cheap, old, bad equipment and charge you WAY more than they should for the service and completley overplay the "we are the tech people and take care of it all for you" value proposition for their insane upcharge. Don't do it.

I needed speeds fast enought for video conferences, but even if you are ok with a slow speed, still don't do it - you can get the same basic connection for much, much cheaper.

I don't know if they pay for reviews, as I've seen several people on reddit say its working great for them, but I just don't think I buy it. And if this post gets any sort of traction, no doubt there will be comments like "I've been using it for a while and it's been great, I've never had any issues with it". I don't know guys, I guess I could be wrong, but I just don't think its true anymore. I have nothing to gain from this review other than trying to save others from my painful fate.

In summary, don't fall for the marketing on the website or (possibly) fake reviews. Do a little research here on reddit, and set it all up in less than an hour yourself. You will be way better off.

I tried outlining exactly what I did in detail, but it kept getting flagged. So for now - I guess this is just a heads up about KYHIP - don't do it, set it up yourself.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary301

7/16-17/24

tuesday - wednesday

gf is still at work.

and i feel really hideous, like i look at my face, i see so much wrong with it, and i feel like my hair is stupid and making my face look long and other words i can use that will hurt my own feelings, a bunch of stuff re: dysphoria basically. unpleasant. i do not like that i feel like i can't even know what i actually look like. the image shifts and i can't gather what i am at all. it's just like... ugly. i feel so ugly and like i look at my face and wonder if it's always seemed so masculine or if tomorrow i'll wake up and feel fine. it's so weird. maybe it's just being inside a lot right now.

anyway, today i re-did some lyrics, so tomorrow i should be ready to try them out.

i also got a new song mostly written, roughly, i think i need to work on making it easier to follow though. there's a little synth in it that kind of makes some moments weird to follow, i need to mix it down i think. that and some drum patterns are weird, maybe i need to also mix out some mids from the snare so the guitar comes through a little more, and boost that too.

i didn't do too much else today... i feel like i am giving myself a bit of option paralysis right now, with music, there's anxiety working on stuff cuz i don't wanna deal with crashes, that paired with the fact that i have a lot of material waiting to be worked on, + new ideas already written out like those tabs (i need to do some more of that it's very fun), there's a lot here for an ep or however many i want to do. i'm happy for that, of course, and i'm deciding maybe the hard limit on time should be like 15-20 mins on this one. we'll see where i end up, but i guess at minimum, 21-22 minutes (extra 1-2 minutes as flex time but really i would prefer under 20 but over 15...).

anyway,,, i listened to the whole ep this song is off of today, crazy views on this i forgot abt that:

the overall effect this song has feels very mr. oizo, while not really sounding like it at all. the chiptune synth is rather pristine, all the sounds are, but it feels so cheap and scuzzy still, really great thing, that.

another song i spent a while looking for this morning, talking about that one japanese idol group with all the dots in their name, they were dancing to this fred frith no wave release, the band's called massacre, the frith thing, but it got me on the thought train of j pop no wave, and i had to go and hunt for this:

i'd never seen the video before!!!! it's like the inside of my head!!!!!!!! it's like everything i like, and the song too, it's so funny, when i heard it like, in 2018 it must have been, it was so special to me.

also yesterday i was revisiting teenage jesus and the jerks, to keep it on no wave, i hadn't heard them for such a long time, but they're still very very good, to me at least, and i guess it's more about the inventive guitar thrashing and lydia's vocals, the drums aren't as energetic as i'd like, i guess, they are rather minimal, which is fine and maybe i should think about working with drums like that more, cuz i do have a tendency to make some stuff toooooo messy. or idk. not too messy, cuz i like it. but you know, it makes problems, but they're problems worth having for me i suppose, anyway here's a track i like a lot:

love the scrape of the geetarzzz here, it's funny, when i first heard them, it must have been before this compilation had come out, because i was stuck with this other one that had this cover on spotify, this was back in highschool, so it must have been in 2015 before that comp w/ lydia on the cover + pink came out (oh, i guess it was actually just reissued then, how odd, it was not online before then, i think it also came with a remaster, though, the 1995 comp does sound a little different) or before then in 2014:

it's such a vivid memory to me because my parents took away my headphones because of something dumb i don't really want to get into, and i still wanted to listen to my dumb fucked up music, so i was playing this on the computer in the dining room, where my computer had to be and stuff, and my mom walked up to me and asked wtf i was listening to, not that she's not into weirder stuff, she tried to get me into zappa around that time, but honestly he doesn't do too much for me, i have a friend who has had better luck with him though, anyway, it was so embarrassing for me, to be caught like that, but it's what i liked. soooo whateverrrrrrrr.

here's something else and then i gotta sleep:

i never heard this / saw it, idk why he'd delete this because the music video is at least probably one of the best of the last decade. not really even exaggerating it feels like a meditation on the weird place violence has in american youth culture and the runoff from videogames, where it's like this derealized cruelty, and then all the sports imagery, it's like from within these really american/western feeling things, at least portrayed at their most american, like paintball and airsoft, military fetishism, the fortnite dance in the football field, that part's like, it blows my mind a little. idk how he made that work as a poignant moment, it's like, humorous of course, it knows, and still it works. that is special! it feels super observant of our surroundings and the undercurrent that's got no recourse outside of like, the avoidance / attempt to sublimate / impossibility of reckoning with it, the impossibility as like, an excuse to just ignore, you know, like the girl just kind of looking like an ad for vr headsets, the super commercial look of the whole thing, the perfect cameras for most of it, everything with that wal-mart / best-buy tv demo sheen, but it's all pointed and a little venomous, it's like, got teeth in the eagerness to avoid, you know. it's crazy, anyway back to my points re: it using stuff that's so american, it's like reaching some kind of actual american denpa thing almost. not the music but the kinda stuff that came out that people describe as denpa in anime and movies. also like the willingness to have that little interlude part with the guitar in the middle of the track sound like pure buttrock is crazy. like what the hell. that's bold as hell. damon rush is definitely kind of a #genius rn. he could outlast the hellp maybe. we will see though. i really love the shot of the fortnite dance in the football field... that and the part where they're shooting the shirtless kid with paintballs... and when he gets the ball kicked into his head. the pseudo execution scene is like. it's soooo loaded!! it really feels crazy to see idk. it's a very exciting piece of art . for me .

anyway , i have to sleep now

so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!