#i spent half the day yesterday trying to do this in r but r is a joke sooo | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jhdyuiee · 4 months ago

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★ pairing: childhood friend!haechan x fem!reader

★ tags/warnings: smut!, slight angst, fluff, unprotected sex, nipple/breast play, kissing/making-out, multiple positions (doggy&face-to-face), oral (f receiving), fingering, marking (hickies&biting), pet names (baby) & name calling (good girl), dirty talk, cursing, spanking, squirting, multiple orgasms, rich ceo haechan, haechan was your childhood friend who one day up and disappeared

★ w.c: 3.7k

★ a.n: hello! as promised here is my story for the week! sorry for the delay, i spent majority of my week finishing up my term paper, but now that, that is over i'm free again!! woohoo, i can finally enjoy my summer ㅠㅠ . anyhow this my first haechan fic, yippie! also thank you all for the massive love and support on wildflower & million dollar baby <3 please stay safe out there during this summer time, i love you berry much, jiji out 🤍

5 years ago.

You're lying… No… This couldn’t be possible… He couldn’t have just disappeared without telling me…

How could he? We were supposed to graduate tomorrow. Go to the same University. We were supposed to be together.

“Why did you leave,” I muttered as tears streamed down my face.

As I headed to school this morning, I stopped by his home like I’ve always done. However I was met with an empty home. Everything cleared, as if no one ever lived there. I thought maybe I’d arrived at the wrong home or I was still dreaming.

So I called Haechan. Once, twice, ten times yet to no avail. He answered none of my calls or messages. I went with the second option, calling my mother. Yet little did I know that, that call would shatter all remaining hope in me.

“You didn’t know? The Lee’s left yesterday. His father was hired in, hmm where was it? Toronto! Toronto, Canada!” my mother said. My eyes widened, hands shaking. Haechan hadn’t informed me of anything.

So he just left. Like that? My legs grew weak, I found myself outside his door; sobbing. Nothing else mattered to me right now, I just wanted Haechan. His bright smile, his sparkling eyes, and warmth. It was like he took my other half, leaving me now half dead.

In all honesty, I loved Haechan. Ever since I learned what love was. Yet, now I never even got the chance to tell him. This would be the end of us. 18 years—since birth—gone.

Present day.

I thought that day 5 years ago would be the end. Me and Haechan would never find our way back to each other, yet why was he standing in front of me now?

“Y/N…” he says, loud enough for me to hear. I snapped out of my trance, remembering I was still on the job.

“R-Right this way sir,” I said, guiding him and the women that held his hand to their table. I set their menus on the table as they got situated. “I’ll be right back to take your orders,” I said, trying to make my exit.

I left without turning back, without glancing back at Haechan. My heart pounded so fast, my body trembling. This couldn’t be… No, he… What was he doing here? Out of every restaurant, why did he have to come to the one I worked at!? Just when I had begun forgetting about him, he reappeared and with a woman by his side no less.

I sighed, trying my best to compose myself. I mean after all he’d be gone once he finished eating and I’d never have to see him again. As I made my way back to their table, the woman he was with smiled so brightly, laughing at whatever Haechan was saying.

“Hello!” I said enthusiastically, putting on a smile. “I’m Y/N and i’ll be your waiter today. Can I get you started on some drinks?” I asked. I felt Haechan’s gaze the whole time I stood there.

“Hello, uhh I’ll get the Strawberry Vodka!” The woman spoke happily. When I finished noting her drink down, I turned to Haechan. Our eyes meeting one another. “And for you sir?”

He opened his mouth, then closed it before opening it up again to speak. “Some water is fine, since I still have to drive us afterwards.” I nodded my head, “Are you guys ready to order or would you like more time?”

“No, no it’s fine we can order now,” he said. And so I took their orders, walking back to the kitchen once I finished. I poured their drinks and walked back over to them. Only this time I didn’t linger there for long. Then after a good while, their food was finally ready. Plates in hand, I walked over to them again, giving them their food. “Anything else that you would need?” I asked. Before Haechan could answer, the women politely dismissed the question.

I continued working, I had no time to just idle around. I served every table I could possibly attend to, until I finally noticed Haechan and the women getting ready to leave. I made my way over there for what I hoped would be the last time. “All ready to go?” I asked.

“Yes, could we get the check?” Haechan asked. “Oh! Yes, here you go,” I said, setting the receipt I pulled from inside my apron's pocket on the table. “Thank you for dining with us!” I gave my last remark, displaying a bright smile. I might’ve been hallucinating but I saw Haechan's lips faintly twitched.

“Thank you!” the woman said, standing up from her seat to grab Haechan’s arm. He happily got up, “Thank you so much for your service, I’ll be sure to tip you generously.” “Oh no, Thank you for being such wonderful customers! Be sure to stop by next time!” I said, only wishing he never sets foot in here again.

He smiles, “Will do,” he says, his words sounding like a promise. Great. I watched as they paid and left. Catching Haechan as he gave me one last look, his eyes filled with longing.

・❥・・❥・・❥・

Finally, my night shift at the restaurant was over! I could finally go home, maybe stop by the convenience store to buy a beer or two. After tonight I could use some alcohol.

I bid my coworkers goodbye, making my way out of the restaurant. “Y/N!” A voice shouted my name. I turned to find the voice. Only now I wished that I simply had just feigned ignorance to the calling.

Haechan stood before me. His body leaned against his vehicle, arms crossed. I stood there, not a single move from me. It was as if time had stopped and we were the only two in this world. He moved first, making his way towards me until we were only an inch apart. His eyes, the same ones that shun so bright, were now eerily emotionless.

My lips quivered, “H… Haechan.” My vision blurred and only then did I realize the waterworks had started. I heard a faint chuckle erupt from him, “Still a crybaby huh?” he asked as the pad of his thumbs wiped my tears away. No, I didn’t want to feel his touch.

I backed away, the two of us just staring at one another. “Wh-Why are you here!” I said, coming out rather loudly. “To get you,” he answered. Confusion overrode my face, “For me?! Haechan, you left me 5 years ago!”

His eyes now saddened; hurt. “I didn’t mean to! I meant to tell you about my father’s job… it’s just-” I interrupted him before he could finish, “So? I had to find out through my mother for christ sake Haechan. Not to mention it was on the day before our graduation!” He sighed, coming closer to me. He cupped my face, “I know, I know I was a jerk but I didn’t tell you because I was going to come back! I was supposed to be back after a couple of months.” Now shock overrode my face. What was he talking about? Come back after a few months?

“Don’t bullshit me,” I spat out. “I’m not!” he slightly raised his voice, causing me to flinch. “Sorry,” he then said, embracing me into a hug. “I really was supposed to come back yet to my surprise when I returned you had already gone,” he whispered into my ear.

His hot breath, his low voice sent an intense shiver throughout my body that I got lost in him. I couldn’t formulate a sentence, a word. I pressed my hands against his chest, trying to push him away but he was too strong. “B-But what about that woman,” I asked.

We locked eyes, a smirk formulated on his face. “She was just some woman my mother set me up with. Why, jealous?”

I shook my head. Me, jealous?! Please… “No! Why would I!” He shrugged his shoulders, “You tell me.” I gripped his arm, “Wh-What do you mean?”

His expression softened, “You think I wouldn’t know?” I looked at him, confused once more. He chuckled, “That you love me.”

My eyes widened, my mouth fell open. How? How did he…

I detached myself from him, “What… How did you-“ “The way you would always look at me,” he interrupted me. “How would I look at you?” I questioned.

“Like I was your entire world.”

My vision blurred, “How long have you known…” He inched closer, “Since before I even left.” “Bu-But why didn’t you say anything!?” I raised my voice a bit. “Because I knew it wouldn’t work out.”

My cheeks felt wet when he told me that. He inched closer, stopping me from talking. “Before you say anything I just wanted to say that it had nothing to do with you, in fact I loved you too. Heck, I still do. Y/N I love you.”

“But?” I asked, even more tears streaming down my face. He sighed, putting his hands on my face to wipe away the tears. “It was me. I knew I was going to have to leave one day and even if it wasn’t for too long I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t just leave you.”

This man. He sure has a knack for worrying over the simplest things…

“You could’ve still talked to me about it,” I said, embracing him this time. I buried my head into his chest. His hands were holding onto me and stroking my hair. “I know… and for that I’m sorry.” I looked up at him, “You know… It’s okay and you wanna know why?” I asked. “Why,” he replied.

“Because I too still love you. Then and now, Haechan. I have always loved you, no matter how much I tried hating you… I just knew that if you were to ever show up in life again, I would welcome you back. I just can’t seem to live without you.”

He didn’t react. I watched as Haechan stood there, wide eyed like he couldn’t believe what was unfolding. I giggled a bit, finding his reaction amusing. However, now I was the one left wide eyed when he abruptly crashed his lips onto mine.

The kiss was gentle, yet still passionate. I tasted him, finding contentment of how perfectly his lips molded onto mine. He holds my face with both his hands, deepening the kiss. A moan ended up slipping from my throat when his tongue intruded inside my mouth. I wrap my hands around Haechan, enjoying this too much that I didn’t want to let go.

Unfortunately he's the first to pull away, both of us panting. His hands don’t let go from cupping my face as he leans down to my ear. “How about we continue this at my apartment?” he whispers into my ear. And so with a nod of my head, we hurriedly got into his car.

The car ride was silent, but the air felt heavy. Haechan’s hands on your thigh, fondling the flesh. You were sure your panties were soaked by this point. You seriously were growing impatient, you wanted nothing more but to have him within you already.

・❥・・❥・・❥・

Around 10 minutes later you both arrived at his apartment. You both hurriedly take off every article of clothing whilst kissing one another hungrily. You feel as his fingers slip to cup your sex before taking two of his fingers to glide along your pussy lips. The sensation causing you to pull away from the kiss panting and moaning.

“Feels good Y/N?” Haechan asks as he takes those two fingers to your clit where he begins rubbing it. “Y-Yes!” I say, coming out rather loudly. He smiles before continuing his ministrations on your cunt.

On the other hand, his mouth has found its way on your body. Kissing every part of you from your cheeks, jaw, collarbone, and your breasts. Using his free hand, Haechan fondles one of your breasts while his mouth kisses around your nipple, nipping on the skin which causes you to wince. His eyes look up, “You alright baby?” he asks. Baby, god that has a nice ring to it, don’t it?

“I-I’m fine, just feels so good,” I reply, bringing a hand to his fluffy hair. Taking that as his sign that you were fine he continued. He stuck his tongue out, teasing your bud before bringing your nipple to his mouth. He sucked on it, using his tongue to lick on your bud. Then you watched as Haechan kissed a bridge to your other breast, repeating his actions onto your other breasts.

At this point your brain started becoming foggy, his hands and mouth were god's work. “Fuck,” I moaned. Haechan departs from your breast, ”You gonna cum already?” I nod my head, but then he flips me around. My hands on the door, and when I whipped my head around to look at him, Haechan was already going down. “Spread your legs for me baby,” he says in a sultry voice. I complied, opening myself for him.

I felt as he slapped me on my ass, “Good girl” he muttered as he takes in the wet mess behind me. Gripping onto my thighs he begins to lick up all my juices, letting out a satisfied groan when he finally tastes me. “Taste so good, baby. Can’t believe you’re this wet already,” he says as he kisses the sensitive skin around my cunt.

“Please.. M-More,” I moaned. I couldn’t handle his teasing anymore, I wanted him to make me cum already– to make a mess of me. “My pleasure Y/N,” Haechan says before licking up my cunt in slow strokes. Then bringing his tongue to my clit to give it some licks before using his mouth to suction on it. The sensation leaving me drooling, chanting his name repeatedly like some prayer.

When he finally lets go of my clit, his mouth departs from my cunt. I was left confused for a second before I felt his thumbs spread my lips apart. A second later his tongue intrudes inside me so deep it had me pressing my cheek against the door. The pleasure had me crying out, “S-So good!”

His tongue pushes itself further inside my gummy walls, while one of his hands smacks down on one of my ass cheeks. The smack eliciting more pleasurable moans from me. I felt myself growing close to cumming all over his face, just a little more…

Haechan must’ve sensed it too by the way I began tightening around his tongue as he brought his thumb to my clit. Once more he rubs on the sensitive bud, then pinching it with the help of his index finger.

So close… So close, but then he takes out his tongue. However I didn't get to whine at the loss of sensation because he quickly brought two fingers from his unoccupied hand inside my hole. His fingers stretched me out wonderfully, reaching me deep inside, and the pace kept above 100.

And with one final pinch on my clit, I gushed all over. Taking his fingers out quickly to capture all my juices as they leaked. He drank me up, from my cunt to my thighs. Like a starved man he managed to clean me all up.

Finally getting up, Haechan reaches me. He stares for a while, taking in my fucked out state. “You did so good,” he mutters, pecking my temple. “However, we’re not done yet so don’t fall asleep on me just yet.” As he said that he presses his hard cock in between my ass and rubbing it against my fucked out cunt. I swear I almost went crazy from the way his tip rubbed against my clit. I press myself against him more, wiggling my ass for him. I hear as he lets out a low chuckle before grabbing the sides of my ass and shoving himself in me with one swift move.

I yelp forward against the door, my first clenching. His hands gripping onto my waist, his finger tips sure to leave little crescent moons when all this is done. He pounded into me like a madman, rough and merciless. I was too engulfed in the pleasurable feeling of his tip reaching my womb that I didn’t mind his thrusting. He didn’t falter even after a while, grunting whenever he felt me clench around his cock.

The sounds of skin slapping and the squelching wetness were all you could hear throughout his apartment. You’d secretly hoped his room was soundproof because the obscene noises you two were making were sure to bring the neighbors complaining. However in Haechan’s mind he didn’t care one bit. Your noises were just too beautiful, becoming his new favorite song he wished to listen to on replay every single second of his days. Haechan glances down to where you both were connected, noting the white ring formed around his cock. Weirdly, but not weirdly turning him on all the more. You didn’t know if it was possible, but he picked up his pace.

Both of you growing close to your releases. Guiding one of his hands off your hips and to your swollen clit he works you closer to your second orgasm. All the more kissing his way up to your neck when he nibbles on the exposed skin when you tilt your head to the side. A thrust or two later, rolling your eyes back and fingertips piercing into your palms you have the most euphoric orgasm of the night– no of your life.

Taking his lips off you, he glances down to your gushing hole. Your orgasm coating all over his dick and pussy clenching around him, he twitches inside you before releasing. His cum coating your walls, stuffing you.

Taking his cock out, still half hard, he glances down at you as you collapse onto the floor. Your legs giving in, leaving you weak. He couldn’t stop thinking of how beautiful you look, and all like this because of him. Just those thoughts alone were enough to get him hard again. Haechan decides he hasn’t had enough yet and picks you up.

Hazily, you watch him carry you into his bedroom. He places you down first before sitting on the edge of the bed. He turns around to meet your eyes. “Come here,” he said, signaling you to come sit on his lap. Once again obliging, sitting on his lap. His hard cock resting in between your bodies, you bite on your bottom lip when you feel his tip rub against your stomach.

“Sit on it baby,” he whispers into your ear. Your eyes go wide for a moment before taking his cock in your hand, lifting yourself up so you slide it inside you again. In this position his cock reaches you deeply, fitting snug into you. “All that fucking with my fingers, mouth, and cock but you’re still so tight,” he whispers into your ear. His hot breath turning you on. He kisses his way to your neck, marking you even more. You were his after all.

“Come on baby, don’t be shy,” Haechan urges me. So placing my hands on his shoulders and lifting myself up, I slam down back onto him. My eyes widened at the way he reached me again, his cock feeling as though it was made specially for me.

I continued working my way on his cock, going at my own pace. Although to this Haechan felt as though he was being tortured. He felt as though you were teasing him; the way your face would scrunch up in pleasure, your low moans, your tits bouncing– all of it was torture to him. Having had enough, he brings his hands to your hips again.

He helps you bounce on his cock, faster and faster. The deep penetration, caused you to clench around him once more, squeezing him for all he’s worth. He groans, bringing his hand to your tit, squeezing it and using his fingers to pinch on your bud.

Letting go of his shoulders you bring your arms behind you, resting your hands on his knees. Thrusting into him this way on your own, he lets go of your hips now playing with your tits with both his hands. Later bringing his mouth into the mix as he licks on your nipples again, occasionally biting on your buds.

Your pace begins to falter, growing closer to your release again. Feeling too as Haechan’s cock twitches inside you, you bring one of your hands to your clit where you begin to play with it. His eyes begin watching you, enjoying the view in front of him. He hopes to engrave this memory into his brain forever.

“Le-Let’s cum together,” I moaned. “Mmm, cum on my cock for me again baby,” Haechan says. Your pussy obeying him, cumming on his cock for a third time tonight as his hot white seeds fill inside you again. Overwhelmed and exhausted from the pleasure, you both collapse on the bed, Haechan’s cock still inside you. He didn’t wanna slip out just yet.

・❥・・❥・・❥・

Eyes fluttering open, the morning sun peeking in through the curtains. You’ve finally awakened from your slumber, turning to your side but are met with nothing. The memories of last night's activities flood into your brain. You feel your face heat up. Oh god, I thought. Glancing down, I noticed I was now dressed in an over-sized shirt. It’s probably- “Sleep well,” he says, walking into the room. Well, well speak of the devil.

I tuck my hair behind my ear, smiling at him. “Mmm, best I’ve ever slept!” I say cheerfully. He smiles– that smile I knew from all those years ago. Walking over to me, he cups my face. “I love you.” I swear my smile reaches my eyes at his words, “I love you too, always have and always will.”

“You’ll be the death of me,” he mutters before bringing his lips onto mine. Kissing delicately and with so much love.

When he parted, he asked me something– “Will you be my girlfriend?” I didn’t hesitate as I jumped into his arms, “Yes!” I repeated.

Sharing another kiss, we spent the rest of the morning and day with one another. Enjoying one another like a couple of teenagers in love, making up for lost time.

2024.07.21

final a.n: as promised, the fic of the week! i’m truly sorry it took longer than anticipated, i was working on my final the whoke week ㅠㅠ but now i should be free for the rest of the summer!!! anyhow im rlly excited for next week, kcon && seeing 127, practically sobbing ahhh! anyhow i hope to be back soon with doyoung’s story next, stay tuned! please continue supporting “WALK” !!! 🤍

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tarosunshine · 7 months ago

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https://www.tiktok.com/@notellieyong/video/7357580044870388997?_t=8m6uL0a3sj4&_r=1

could u possibly write something like this with anton? where he’s having the worst day possible but reader surprises him. it could be reader to anton or anton to reader 🥹🩷

ִ ۫ ⭒ 𝑂H, BABY ، ، 이찬영

𓈒 𝒢enre fluff angst ֢ no warnings . boyfriend anton lee fem! reader ⸝⸝ ⌕ ﹙ archιvᥱs ﹚

the last week you started planning a surprise for anton, sience his birthday was just around the corner.

at first, you didn't know where to start, so you asked his friends, brother, and obviously, you thought something by yourself, so you could make the perfect present for him. the last friday you started buying some balloons. you bought a box and decorated it to put the things.

and you were sure that your boyfriend wasn't suspecting anything. well, because he was a little too busy to go to your house.

and today was finally the day. you're so excited and nervous about the surprise.

at 00 o'clock you called him, wishing him happy birthday, telling him that you would go to his house in the afternoon.

at noon, he went to have lunch with his friends —and you took the opportunity to decorate your boyfriend's room when he left. so, when he was gone, his brother opened for you when he also left.

and you spent half an hour blowing the balloons, putting some adornments, letters with the happy birthday, and putting the last things inside the box. and two hours later, you heard the department door opening, so you quickly hid next to the frame door. there was a little space where anton couldn't see you when he entered. and about five minutes later, he finally opened the door.

“wh—” he looked his room speechless. his mouth making a 'o' and his hand still in the door handle.

after blinking a couple of times, he looked around, looking for something, well, looking for someone. you.

“there you are..” when his eyes meet yours, his gaze softened. you went out of your hiding place and stood in front of him. he was happy, but his face was a little different. you know that face.

“happy birthday, anton lee” you smiled at him, and you almost saw the full galaxy shining in his eyes. he looked like he was about to cry. instantly, he wrapped his arms around you, surprising you a little and making you stagger, but anyway, you hugged him back. his hands and arms clung to you.

“thank you” hearing his soft and grateful voice was like you had won in life. “ahh.. i really missed you this week” he says, making you giggle as you separate. you keep in each other's arms, staring in the eyes. that's when you noticed his now red and glassy eyes.

“what's wrong? you want to tell me?” you cupped his face as you frowned concerned. a weak smile appeared on his lips. he tried to bite them when they started to tremble.

“yesterday.. wasn't the best day. and today, i tried to don't think about it. after all, it was my birthday, right? but it's just... i really needed one of your hugs, and.. not seeing you the past days, it made me feel so bad, you know? then i entered my room, and you were right here, with a surprise just for me. and now, seeing your smile after all these days..” he sighed as you whipped off his tears over his cheeks with your thumbs. his eyes pierced on the floor between you two.

“i wish i had known that you felt this way because i would run to hug you tightly. even if you were at the other side of the world, ton” you said, still caressing his face, making him laugh a little, although he wasn't looking at you. so you gently made him do it by his cheeks, finally meeting your eyes. “and i have to say, mr. lee, that being way from you was also so sad” you sighed as you shook your head. he frowned, trying to stop crying.

“so now, birthday boy, you have to open your present” you tried to cheer him up, pushing playfully his shoulder.

“there's more?” he widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows as you walked to his bed, where the blue box with a white ribbon was. “you didn't have to..”

“oh, c'mon, ton. open it!” you patted the bed as you smiled at him.

he sat next to you and carefully opened it after admiring the decoration. and the first thing he grabbed was a plushie, a dinosaur plushie.

��of course i had to make my contribution to your collection” you smiled, remembering when you bought it after talking about it with sohee.

“yeah, and now this is my favorite” the tears started to fall again. and of course, you wiped them again.

“oh, babe..”

the second thing he grabbed was the mini set of legos. he looked up at you with a smile.

“they're legos and don't compare to those big ass sets that you have, but it's a panda! isn't it cute?” you stared at the box in his hands with the image of the animal. then you looked up at him, but he was already starting at you with a weak smile.

“yeah, it is..”

the last thing was a couple of face masks and a face product.

“oh, we're definitely using this when we're watching movies” he said as he read the packages, unconsciously pouting.

“so?” you asked a little nervous. he looked at you.

“so? i think you're the best..” he carefully left the things inside the box, and with a big smile, he pounced on you, making you both fall on the mattress.

“anton!” you giggled, feeling his arms around your waist, making you rest your head on his chest, where you could clearly hear his heart that was beating so fast. and he placed his on top of yours while his fingers started to caress your hair. you could smell his soap and perfume, now impregnated in your clothes.

“i love you” he whispered after a couple of seconds of silence.

you widened your eyes and immediately looked up at him, standing on your elbows.

“what did you just say?”

your heartbeat raced. this is the first time he said i love you sience you two started dating, so obviously took you by surprise.

“i said.. i love you” his ears were bright red and his voice shaked almost at the end of the sentence. surely, your face was flushed, too. “and tank you”.

“i love you too! and of course, i'll do anything i can to cheer you up and make that smile stay there”.

his signature smile grows on his face, with his shiney pupils —he's just too cute for your eyes. then he pulled you towards his face by your shoulders, resting one of his hands in the back of your head. and after you could say anything, he kissed you.

it was a kiss with full of love, those who anton always gave to you, the ones that tell you exactly how he feels.

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noonaishere · 6 months ago

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Music of the Heart [J.YH] - fifty-two | D-Day

D-Day.

Or… R-Day? Or maybe Y-Day, since today was the first day of recording and having to work with Yunho and actually talk to him.

Whatever, it didn’t matter. You were just glad that he said he would try to stay away when you saw him before the meeting yesterday.

The elevator door opened and you went to get on. He was already inside, along with someone else you presumed was his manager. You sighed and got in. The button for your floor was already pressed so you didn’t have to do anything.

The other person got out on an earlier floor, you guessed they weren’t his manager after all, not that you were going to ask. You and he were alone again.

You’d have to start leaving your apartment five minutes earlier.

“Umm…” he started.

“What do you want, Jeong?”

He seemed taken aback. “I wanted to apologize for having to record.”

“Okay.”

He waited for a few seconds. “I know this must be uncomfortable for you.”

“It is.”

He nodded slowly. “Umm… yeah.”

You kept your eyes on the buttons.

“I’ll try not to bother you as much as I can.” He nodded again.

“Good,” you nodded.

You spent the rest of the journey in silence and the doors opened. Both of you walked out and he walked in front of you and opened the door for you. What the fuck.

You nodded a singular nod of thanks and walked in. You put your stuff away and got your notebook and everything ready for recording.

Yunho put his stuff on the table and checked his phone. Hongoong watched him carefully out of the corner of his eye before turning to you and patting the chair next to him.

“Sit here.”

You sat. It didn’t escape you that he had put himself in between you and Yunho by telling you to sit where he did, a wall that allowed you some leeway from having to interact with him.

He smiled and gave you a nod. “You okay?” He asked quietly.

You mustered a half smile and nodded back. You were.

The wounds Yunho caused all those years ago had been deep. But after your recent hiccup of relapsing into something like the depression you felt years ago, you came to a conclusion: you had more than realized your dream of working in music. Sure you were already in your mid-20s and you had just started - when you had wanted to start right out of high school - but you were still young in the grand scheme of things. You had the support of Hongjoong, Maddox, and Wonderland, so you potentially had a long career ahead of you. At the very least, Yunho hadn’t fully taken that away from you, only delayed it. And even though he was sitting at the table of a recording studio with you, it was your turf.

At least he had already decided that you’re in charge.

Hongjoong smiled reassuringly at you and directed his attention over to Yunho

“Where’s your manager?”

“I’m sorry,” Yunho apologized, “He’s a little late.”

Hongjoong nodded. “Don’t managers usually pick their talent up?”

“I told him I could get myself here and he, um… might have overslept because neither of us are used to me having work.”

Hongjoong nodded again with a sigh. “In the future let’s have him pick you up so you’ll both be on time.”

Yunho nodded.

The door opened and Maddox walked in. “Hello everyone, look who I found outside.”

Satbyeol followed Maddox in and waved gently upon entering. Behind her must have been her manager, and behind her were three more people. One was obviously Yunho’s manager as he hurriedly moved over to him and handed him some papers, and the other two were Doyun and his manager.

You and Hongjoong stood and greeted everyone.

“Hongjoong, t/n, this is Yunho’s manager Hwang Eun, Satbyeol’s manager Kim Hajoon, and Doyun’s manager Park Siwoo.” Maddox said.

“Everyone, this is the newest member of our team, t/l/n t/f/n, and you already know me and Maddox.” Hongjoong added.

You shook hands with and bowed to everyone, and sat back where Hongjoong had put you.

An hour of going over the lyrics and sheet music later, you were standing in the recording booth with Satbyeol.

“I haven’t recorded anything in a while so please bear with me.”

You smiled, she was so cool, even when apologizing. “You’re no problem. You have much more recording experience than anyone else here.”

She nodded as she put the headphones on. “Ow.”

“Did it pull your hair?”

“Yeah…” She pulled them away, some of her hair still caught on it.

“Don’t pull, don’t pull. I’ll fix it.”

You got to work pulling the strands out of where they had gotten caught. “The hinges on these headphones are weird. I can get you a different pair when I’m done freeing you.”

She chuckled. When you found out who she was at the meeting, you had wondered if her voice really did sound as husky and sexy as it did on TV. It turned out it really did.

Did you have a crush? You might.

“Thank you. At the very least, I need my hair to look nice on TV.”

You laughed softly. “I’ll try not to pull any out.”

A few minutes later you had freed her, removed the offending headphones and brought her a new pair.

“Try these on.”

She put them over her ears. “Much better. Thank you, kitten.”

You felt your face heat up and joined Hongjoong on the other side of the glass. Hongjoong raised a brow as you covered your face, trying to hide your expression. You turned away.

He pressed the button on the PA mic. “Okay, we can start when you’re ready.”

Her voice was even better than you remembered. She sang her part and brought such emotion to her lines, that it almost had you ready to cry.

“That was great. I see you haven’t lost your skills.”

“Thank you. I took lessons again in anticipation.”

“They paid off. You can leave the booth now.”

She nodded and took off the headphones, hanging them where the first pair had been hanging when you and she walked in. She walked out of the recording booth and joined all of you.

“Let’s listen to your takes…” Hongjoong pulled up the first one and played it.

After he had gone through them all, Satbyeol nodded. “They all sound good to me.”

“You’re happy with them?” He asked.

“Mhm.”

“Then you’re all done.”

“Can I stay and listen to the rest of the recording?”

“I don’t mind.” Hongjoong looked to you and Maddox.

“I don’t mind,” Maddox answered. You shook your head that you didn’t.

She smiled. “Thank you.”

She was so cool doing anything. How does someone do that? You couldn’t help but wonder if it was effortless or something that had to be practiced in the few moments you had before Hongjoong said:

“Doyun, it’s your turn.”

Maddox stood and helped him in the recording booth.

Satbyeol moved closer to you and whispered. “Mind if I sit here?”

“Oh no, go ahead.”

She smiled. “Is this the first project you’re helping to produce?”

“It is, actually.”

She nodded. “I haven’t been in a recording studio in so long. I’m surprised to find that I miss it.”

“Is that part of why you took the role?”

She winked. “It might be.”

Your eyes widened at that and you pretended to cough.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

When you looked back up Hongjoong’s mouth was twisted as he tried not to smile at your fake coughing.

Doyun’s recording session was a bit more difficult. He seemed to have a hard time understanding the instructions given to him, but rather than ask for clarification he pretended he understood, and when Hongjoong asked if he needed help, he brushed him off. You and Maddox looked at Hongjoong and then back at each other: he was doing a lot of sighing, clearly becoming frustrated, but unwilling to say anything.

Maddox stood and clapped his hands together. “Is anyone else in need of a break? We’ve been at this for two hours, why don’t we take a break?”

“I could use one,” you seconded as you raised your hand.

Hongjoong nodded with a sigh. “We’ll take a break?”

Satbyeol, Yunho, and their managers all nodded.

Hongjoong hit the PA button. “Doyun, everyone wants to take a break, so how about ten minutes?”

Surprised, Doyun nodded. “If you say so.”

“Come out.” Doyun’s manager added.

The two of them left the room, leaving the rest of you together.

Yunho looked to Satbyeol for a moment, she was looking at her phone.

“I… I feel like we should apologize for him,” he started.

“He’s his own man.” Satbyeol said without looking up. “He’s fully capable of making his own decisions.”

Hongjoong shook his head. “You don’t have to, Yunho. Like Satbyeol said, he’s his own man.”

“He’s also the male lead.” Satbyeol put her phone in her lap. “He’s routinely late and acts difficult with the director and wastes our time on set, why wouldn’t he do it here as well?”

“Satbyeol…” Hajoon started.

She raised an eyebrow at her.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be saying this… out loud.”

“You say that as if his behavior is some kind of secret, when he was just wasting our time.”

She sighed.

Yunho nodded. “He holds us up during filming too.”

Manager Eun cleared his throat at Yunho.

“Sorry,” he apologized.

“We were all thinking it,” Satbyeol reassured him, one finely sculpted brow raised.

“Maybe, but you’re a much bigger star than my client. We wouldn’t want Doyun to hear what he said and retaliate.”

Satbyeol hummed in thought for a moment. “I’m sorry for starting the conversation. I apologize. Let me know if Doyun starts anything, we’ll put him in his place.”

Yunho nodded awkwardly.

Hongjoong sighed. “I had heard he could be a little difficult, but I didn’t think he’d be like this.”

Maddox sighed as well. “We were all thinking he might be. It’s sort of a shame the rumors turned out to be true.”

You weren’t too up-to-date on the drama behind the scenes of Kdramas. You had never heard of these rumors before.

“Thank you for calling a break, by the way.” Hongjoong nodded to Maddox.

“No problem.” Maddox turned towards you. “Thank you for backing me up so quickly, t/n.”

You smiled. “What are friends for?”

Maddox smiled.

Yunho looked towards you and looked away.

The rest of you conversed comfortably as you waited for Doyun to come back, and after almost half an hour, it seemed like he wasn’t going to. Hongjoong looked at his watch, not doing well at hiding his annoyance at the hold up.

“Okay, we’re burning daylight. Yunho, would you like to record?”

“Now? Doyun isn’t back yet.”

“I’ll tell him it was my decision and he can just get mad at me. We want to get out of here at some point today.”

Yunho stepped into the recording booth and Maddox helped him.

“Have you ever recorded before?”

“No. But I was paying attention when Jongho recorded and when Satbyeol recorded, so I at least have that.”

He didn’t lie: he at least had that. Yunho took directions much better than Doyun did, you could admit that. And it was a welcome change for Hongjoong and Maddox, as Yunho actually asked when he was unsure about something.

“Go ahead,” Hongjoong said.

As Yunho went to sing, Doyun walked back in.

“What’s this? I thought it was my turn to record!”

“Was recording happening out in the hall? We were all in here,” Satbyeol said, and Hajoon nudged her. She smiled at her but stayed quiet.

“It was,” Hongjoong said coolly to Doyun. “But since your ten minute break turned into forty-five minutes, we had to continue without you.”

“Well I’m back now.”

“And you’re not in the recording booth.” Hongjoong swiveled around and hit the PA button. “When you’re ready, Yunho.”

Yunho started his take. He had clearly practiced beforehand because… he was good.

You couldn’t remember the last time you heard Yunho sing. It must have been one of the last times you spent at his house on a weekend, you practicing bass and he taking a break from whatever school play script he was practicing. You could remember it like it was still happening: you sitting on his bed and he on the floor as you played the song you were learning, him singing softly as you played. And now, his voice was just as smooth as it was back then, only more seasoned and tempered by time.

You didn’t even know that the memory was still in your brain and yet here you were, some part of your heart having gone thunk against your chest because the sound of his voice had been so engraved on your soul in the years you were friends, like a dirt path that existed because it had been walked for hundreds of years, and you were being forced to remember that as he sang the words of a heartbroken second male lead.

Fuck. You thought.

You had completely forgotten you used to have a crush on him.

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callsignspark · 1 year ago

Text

Mar[r]y Me - part eight

pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)

summary: A love story told through friendship, laughter, and food.

series warnings: 18+ minors DNI, discussion of insecurities, difficult family relationships, discussions of food and alcohol use, discussions of body image, conversations on what it’s like to be a fat woman trying to date in today’s society, extreme fluff, warnings to be added as needed

word count: 5.1k

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note: happy Friday! I’m super excited for this chapter! I know I say this every time but this is my favorite chapter so far and I can’t wait to hear what you all think!! have a great weekend!

part eight - peanut butter bites

It’s February 25th, and Bradley has sweat dripping down his back. He’s painfully aware that he’s the only one; the cold air blasting from the vents has everyone else reaching for sweaters, but he feels like he’s on fire. So hot he’s afraid he might melt through the old, cracked vinyl flooring of the VTC room. His neck is the worst of it; the skin is scorching from thirteen sets of eyes burning into him. Steadfastly ignoring all of them, he tries to focus all of his attention on the presentation happening up front.

“And as you can see here, since the implementation of the pilot program, the FA-18 return to service cadence has improved by ten days. The proposed plan to expand this training pipeline to Pensacola has been approved, and Dave will be working with Admiral Kerner and his team to spin this up over the next two quarters. The schedule that’s been laid out in Artemis, has the ECD for initial implementation on September 24th, one week before the start of FY22. Next slide, please.”

Bradley barely understands what Mary is talking about, but his fidgeting gets so bad as she gives an overview of the new program going into Florida that Jake nudges his side, looking genuinely concerned.

Bradley has always liked smart girls. Tessa Richardson, his first kiss, was valedictorian and went to Harvard on a pre-law track. The last he heard, she was moving up the ranks as a judge. But it’s a whole new level of attraction, watching Mary talk so competently and confidently about the inner workings of the multi-million-dollar planes he flies every day.

How is she so sexy talking about something so boring?

It’s a thought he’s had multiple times since program review began on Monday. He almost had to excuse himself yesterday when she had an entire page’s worth of suggestions for hardware and software improvements. Today has been exponentially worse, because Mary has deviated from her typical attire of simple but professional clothes. Today, she’s paired a black pencil skirt with three-inch stilettos. The heels accentuate the curves of her legs while the skirt hugs her hips in the most delicious way. And he was actually doing pretty well until thirty minutes into the PowerPoint when she slipped her blazer off to reveal a white button-up shirt that’s been perfectly tailored to show off her waist. Since then, he’s spent most of the time staring at her and then scolding himself for staring.

It’s like she’s trying to kill me.

He quietly takes a deep breath, hoping a sip of water will help him settle down. There are no hops scheduled for today, so the Dagger Squad is wearing their khaki uniforms, the least forgiving material, and the last thing he needs is to get hard while listening to his girl spout corporate buzzwords to satisfy the brass from Washington.

Unfortunately, Mary says the words “stick handling” while making direct eye contact with him and he chokes, spluttering and dripping water down his shirt as he coughs. Half the heads in the room swing in his direction, and he genuienly might burst into flames when he makes eye contact with his uncles; one looking concerned, the other highly amused.

Bradley knows he’s pathetic, getting all riled up over watching a woman excel at her job, and the boring part at that, but he really can’t help it. They haven’t had any alone time since Sunday, the week filled with back-to-back meetings, professional development, and deployment preparation for both of them.

“Of course. Happy Birthday, dolcezza.”

Bradley can feel her breath against his lips, her hand gripping his curls as their cupid bows brush.

“Bradley?” Someone is pounding on his door, the muffled yelling startling them apart. “Are you home? Fred fell! I can’t get him up! Bradley?!”

“Fuck!” He mournfully pulls away, racing to the front door. He carefully swings the door open, conscious of Mary being right behind him, her plate clattering on the table seconds after he stood up. “Mrs. Hadcock? What’s wrong?”

“Fred! He fell, and I can’t get him up! I think he broke his hip!” Bradley freezes when the older woman at his front door bursts into tears; he’s not equipped to deal with this, and he’s worried she might hyperventilate as she gasps around her words.

“Mrs. Hadcock, we need you to take a deep breath. Okay?” Mary quickly takes control as she slips her shoes on and tries to focus the panicking woman, nudging Bradley to do the same. “Is he bleeding? Did you call 911?”

“He’s not bleeding, but he’s in a lot of pain. I couldn’t call; I don’t know where my phone is.”

“Okay, let’s go to your apartment, and we’ll call once we’re there. C’mon.”

She wraps her arm around Mrs. Hadcock’s shoulders and leads her toward the stairs, asking more questions in a calm voice. Bradley grabs his phone, wallet, and Mary’s purse before locking the door behind him, anticipating this becoming a multi-hour thing.

It did become a thing, the doctors confirming the broken hip a few hours later, and it was almost 2 AM by the time he was driving the two women back to the complex. He walked Mary to her car, leaving with only a promise to let him know when she got home, before escorting Mrs. Hadcock back to her apartment.

Bradley was glad that his neighbor’s partner would be okay after surgery and a few months of physical rehab, but the interruption meant that he still hadn’t kissed Mary. He didn’t know what she tasted like. What sounds she would make. How long her perfume would linger on his skin. He's more on edge now than any mission he’s flown.

All week, he’s been itching for an opportunity to get her alone so he could finally press his lips to hers, as long as that’s what she still wants. He’s pretty sure she does. He’s caught her staring at his mouth several times, her chocolate eyes shyly meeting his when she realizes she’s been made.

He’s never been so grateful to hear Cyclone’s grumpy voice replace Mary’s sweet tone, the admiral thanking everyone and reminding the North Island team of the final prep meeting before ending the program review. As the crowd disburses, Bradley makes his way toward the front, heading directly for Mary to ask her to eat lunch with him.

In her office.

Alone.

With the door locked.

Halfway there, his path is abruptly blocked by Melissa Ludden, one of the visiting Boeing representatives. A new program manager, she’s visiting Coronado for the first time to get an understanding of what’s needed for the next generation of fighters, and she’s had target lock on Bradley since the kickoff meeting. Ten years ago, he would have reciprocated - hell, he probably would have had her in his bed after the first happy hour mixer - but now he couldn’t be less interested if he tried. He can admit that she’s very pretty and she seems smart, but the perky twenty-four-year-old can’t hold a match to his Mary.

“Lieutenant Bradshaw!” She also can’t get his rank correct, which irks Bradley, and tallies yet another point against her. “Boeing is hosting some of the attendees to lunch at Clark Square Grill; we would love for you to join us!”

“Thank you for the invitation, ma’am, but I can’t. I have deployment prep meetings this afternoon, so I’m needed on base.” He politely turns her down, secretly reveling in the little bit of twisted pleasure sparked by how her face drops.

Thankfully, he’s saved from her trying to plead her case and convince him by Slider calling him over, an order he swiftly – and happily – follows.

“Dave, this is Lieutenant Commander Bradley Bradshaw. Rooster, this is Dave Rhoads, the West Coast service director from Lemoore.” The name is familiar, sparking something in his brain as his uncle introduces him to an older gentleman.

“Nice to meet you, sir.”

“Oh, please, call me Dave!” The thin but jolly man insists with a firm handshake. “I was just telling these three how much I appreciated your feedback on the training pipeline.”

That’s how I know that name. “I’m glad it helped; we weren’t sure if anything we were sending up to you would be useful.”

“No, it was great! Getting perspective from pilots really helped us grease the wheels in some places where we were stuck. You should be very proud of your squad, Mav.”

“I’m glad their complaining finally was do something besides give me a headache.” Mav jokes before pulling Dave into a different conversation, leaving Bradley with Slider and Mary.

“Mary, you probably already know him, but if you don’t, this is Bradley.”

“Yes, Ron. I know Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw quite well.”

Bradley feels himself go hot, heat racing up his neck at hearing his full rank come from her mouth. He ignores his uncle, refusing to look at him, already knowing a shit-eating grin is spreading across his dumb face.

“Oh, really, M&M?” He could punch his uncle for the way he laughs through his question. “Exactly how well do you know my nephew?”

“Your nephew?”

“How do you know each other?!” He can’t help how he blurts it out; his confusion overclouding the manners his mother drilled into him.

“Slider was my mentor when I worked in Pensacola. We spent many hours together working on the flight school repair schedule and trying to get me to fully understand the ranks. He’s the one that gave me the flight school sweatshirt with my call sign on it - I think you’ve seen me wear that, right?” Mary’s eyes twinkle, letting him know she’s laughing at how his jaw drops.

“I’m the one that convinced her to go up on a flight!”

“Tricked!” Mary jokingly snaps, smacking his arm with her notebook, comfortable joking around now that the room has cleared.

“Tomato, potato.” His uncle turns to him, his grin even bigger. “She always loved that photo I have of you on my bookshelf. The one where you’re laying on the changing table clutching your little teddy bear.”

“That’s you?! That’s such a cute photo!”

“How do you have that photo? I thought I destroyed all copies of that!” Bradley groans, not sure if he’s more embarrassed that it’s been on his uncle’s desk for years or that Mary has seen what is arguably his worst baby photo. The one where he’s red in the face from crying and screaming, clutching a teddy bear with an atrociously full diaper.

“Nope! And you’ll never get rid of it now because I’ve made a digital copy and distributed it to everyone!”

“Oh my god…” Bradley looks at the ceiling, cursing who is listening for making his parents' generation technologically savvy.

“A group of us are going over to Victory Café for lunch; you guys want to join? My treat.”

“I can’t; I have a meeting in a few minutes and then more this afternoon. But you can buy me a drink at the Hard Deck tonight.”

“Yeah, fine, M&M. One vodka cran on me.” Slider laughs as Mary starts to walk away.

“Oh!” She turns back. “When you have some time this afternoon, could you stop by my office, Bradley?”

“Uh- sure! I can stop by after your meeting and before the briefing?”

“That works, see you then.” Mary gives a quick wave, and the two men watch her walk away, grabbing her phone from the lockers outside the VTC room.

“I’m not going to give you a shovel talk because I can tell how much you care about her. Though, had I known that she was the one you were acting like such an idiot about a few weeks ago, I would have flown out here early just to kick your ass. But I will tell you how much I love that girl; she’s like another kid to me, just like you are. So be careful, communicate, and do your best not to hurt each other.”

“I won’t; I’m just lucky she forgave me because I love her. I mean- I- uh-” Bradley stutters, shocked that those words just came flowing out of his mouth without permission.

“God, you’re just like Goose.” Ron smiles at his nephew and pulls him into a hug, a bittersweet feeling washing over him, realizing how much the boy acts like his father, despite barely remembering him. “They would both be so proud of you.”

Bradley gets a little choked up, feeling like a little kid again when his uncle runs a gentle hand over his head, stroking his hair just like he used to when he was small. “Thanks, Uncle Ron.”

“So…” He can’t hold it back; he has to embarrass him just a little bit more. For his own enjoyment. “Why do ya think she wants you to stop by her office?”

“Please stop.”

“Ohhh! Look at how red you are, baby goose! Are you hoping it’s something dirty?”

“I’m walking away.”

“Your call sign should have been tomato!” Laughter follows Bradley out the door and down the hall to the canteen, where he grabs two sandwich and chips combos.

“You okay, Bradley?” Halo quietly asks when he silently joins the squad, used to the boisterous nature of her teammate.

“I’m good. Thanks, Callie. Just thinking about the rest of the shit I gotta do before Saturday.”

He chuckles as she groans and launches into a rant about everything she’s procrastinated. Bradley listens intently as she vents, giving suggestions when he can, with Bob adding an occasional comment from across the table.

“And thankfully Aliyah’s friend was willing to watch Rupert and water my plants while I’m gon, since she backed out on me!” Callie exclaims. “Like, I’m happy she’s finally getting to go on this trip, but now I'm gonna owe Kelly like six hundred favors when I get back.”

“I’m glad you found someone in time and didn’t have to put him in a kennel until Aliyah gets back from Europe!” Bob says, knowing how much she hates putting her dog in the kennel for long stretches.

Bradley is just about to ask more about the woman who’s going to be watching Callie’s chocolate lab when the mechanics who work for Mary get in line for food.

“I’ll see you guys at the briefing; I’m gonna go take care of a few things.” He dumps his trash, ignoring the table full of protests as he turns toward Mary’s office.

It doesn’t take him long to reach the fifth floor of the admin wing. As the newest addition to the team, Mary had been relegated to an office on the mostly empty top floor. The lack of neighbors was a bonus when bored pilots visited, but the end-of-the-hall corner office was as far away from her shop as she could get.

He slows down as he gets closer, not wanting to interrupt whoever she’s talking to with her “I’m calm, but just barely” voice. It’s one she usually reserves for condescending admirals before tossing them to Cyclone so he can tear them apart on her behalf. Pausing in the doorway, he finds her staring at the ceiling, dissociating as the person on the other end yells loud enough that Bradley can hear it. He lightly coughs to grab her attention, smiling when she perks up and mashes the mute button.

“Beau wasn’t in his office, so I’m getting to listen to Cain’s bitching about my presentation on the manned flight stats as if I get to choose the content of the slides.” She looks down at the phone. “We’re going on thirteen minutes.”

“I brought you a turkey sandwich and kettle chips, if that helps?”

“Oh, Bradley, you’re so sweet! What would I do without you?”

“You’d probably be a lot hungrier in the afternoons. You want this now or in the fridge?”

“Fridge, please.” Mary hums before returning to her call. “Yes, sir. I hear you, but like I said earlier-”

As he’s storing the food in her mini fridge, her nails start to tap against the desk, frustration levels high after being cut off again. Bradley grimaces at her in sympathy. Everyone at NAS North Island is aware of Chester Cain’s personal vendetta against Maverick and how it’s begun to leak to anyone on base involved with manned flights.

He settles into one of her chairs, stealing a mint from the bowl on her desk and looking out the window. He loves Mary’s office, even though it technically sucks. She’s alone at this end of the hall, it’s a trek down to the repair shop, the elevator seems like it’s out of order more than it works, and in the hot summer months the air conditioning struggles to cool the westward-facing room. But he feels like the good parts make up for the bad. Like the privacy it provides and how huge the space is; big enough for her desk, two chairs, a conference table, all of her file cabinets, and a loveseat that has seen more than a few naps from the Dagger Squad. Bradley’s favorite part is the large windows that give a perfect view of the airfield, from the tower all the way to the end of the runway and the ocean.

He’s watching waves form and crash on the breakers when Mary moves around her desk, the phone cord stretching as she closes and locks the door, her stockinged feet silent on the tile. She surprises him when she continues her loop, perching on his leg with Admiral Cain still chattering in her ear. For a moment, he’s frozen, completely taken off guard by this development and the nervous look on her face, but it doesn’t take him long to get on board.

Bradley sits up straighter, wrapping one arm around her waist to pull her onto his lap while the other grips her thigh to tug her legs over his other thigh. Mary’s free hand wraps around his shoulder, immediately playing with the short hair at the back of his neck, sending goosebumps across his skin.

“I’m sorry to interrupt you, sir. I have to go; I have someone in my office I need to speak with about final deployment preparations. But I will make sure Admiral Simpson is aware of your feelings.” Bradley listens as he natters on for another minute, unsure how Mary keeps her cool.

“Yes, Admiral, I understand. Goodbye.” She slams the phone down. “You stupid fucking dickhead.”

“Wow, tell me how you really feel, honey.” His hand slips under the hem of her skirt when she leans back into his chest, her hands slipping around his shoulders as she crosses one leg over the other.

“That was me being nice. He’s lucky I actually care about keeping this job.”

Bradley doesn’t get a chance to respond because Mary is pressing their lips together. He instantly responds, tilting his head to meet her and sliding his hand up to cup her neck. She’s so warm and solid on his lap; he loves the weight of her pressing against him.

Time feels syrupy, slow and sweet, matching their pace. It’s taken them ages to get here, their first kiss, but there’s no rush, no urgency. It’s comfortable - loving - like they’ve been doing this for years. He’s in awe of how perfectly they fit together, their bodies instinctively reacting to each other. It starts to heat up when their tongues meet, the two of them pressing closer, closer, closer to taste each other.

Minty. She must've had a mint before I showed up, he thinks as his left hand slips further under her skirt. Bradley feels his brain break when he meets lace halfway up her thigh.

“Are you wearing thigh highs?” He asks, voice edging on desperate.

Mary nods, panting and looking gorgeous with her flushed cheeks. “I hate pantyhose, and it’s so much easier to just wear the garter belt.”

“Garter be-” He groans loudly, thankful no contractors are occupying the neighboring offices. “Fuck, Mary. Jesus Christ, you’re so goddamn sexy.”

Bradley presses a bruising kiss to her lips before making his easy down her neck, leaving teasing kisses up and down the sensitive skin. He undoes her top two buttons and tugs the collar aside to nip at her collarbone, perfume invading his senses.

Would it be weird to get a travel bottle of her perfume?

He knows he’s not thinking entirely straight, but he doesn’t think it would. He could spritz his pillow and fall asleep every night to the same sweet citrus and floral notes he’s smelling now. It’s that thought that has his hand wandering to her buttons again, his goal to get her shirt off and then maybe spread her out on her desk or bend her over the table or get her in his lap on the couch…

“Bradley, wait, we- shit!” Mary pulls him back to her face, chest heaving. “We still have meetings.”

“Shit. Right.” He abandons the buttons, instead choosing to play with the hem of her skirt while he closes his eyes and tries to calm down. Mary rests her head on his shoulder as she catches her breath. They sit there for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s company, just reveling in the way their bodies move in unison as their breathing starts to sync up.

“So, uh… not that I’m complaining, but where did that come from?”

“Don’t kiss anyone while you’re gone.”

“I wasn’t planning on it, honey.” Bradley nudges her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Why would I when I’ve got you waiting for me at home?”

“I just- I saw Melissa flirting with you and…” Mary trails off, and he understands.

“She can try to flirt all she wants, but she can’t compare to you, Mary. You’re so much better than her. She can’t even get my rank right, never mind the fact that she’s twelve years younger than me. Besides, I don’t like blondes, you know that.” He winks at her, making her laugh, which was his goal.

“Is that why you and Jake are always fighting?” She innocently blinks at him, teasing him for the pseudo-feud he has with his wingman.

“You think you’re funny, huh?”

“I know I am, actually.” Mary brushes their lips together. “Can do this whenever I want now.”

“Been wanting to do this for a while?” He asks between kisses.

She hums and nods slightly, more focused on slipping her tongue into his mouth again. “Ever since that first night at the Hard Deck.”

“You’ve wanted to kiss me since we met?

“M&M?” A knock on the door startles them apart, Mary almost falling off his lap, catching herself on the desk and rattling her knick knacks and picture frames. “You good, Vertucci?”

“Yeah! Yeah! I’m fine. What’s up?”

She springs off his lap, her cheeks redder than he’s ever seen, and he knows his match. It’s a good thing his uncle can’t see them through the frosted glass; they look guilty as hell, like two teenagers who got caught making out in the backseat.

“Well, I want to get set up for the meeting early, but I don’t know how the controls work in the VTC room. I was hoping you could show me since you have to be there anyway.”

Both of them relax, thankful he’s unaware of what he interrupted. Mary moves to open the door. “Sure, I can do that! I just-” She stutters to a stop after catching sight of her reflection in the mirror above her couch. It’s very obvious what they’d been doing.

“I just have a few things to take care of, and I’ll be down in a couple minutes!” She croaks, trying to rebutton her shirt and fix her hair at the same time.

“Sounds good. I’ll meet you there.” Bradley watches his silhouette turn away; his sigh of relief is premature when his uncle comes back after a few steps. “Oh, I almost forgot! Bradley? Mav is looking for you; go meet him in the hangar.”

All the blood drains from his face, and Mary turns in horror, their eyes meeting in terror. He clears his throat. “Yes, sir.”

“Good boy. Take a few minutes if you need to!” This time, the silhouette walks all the way down the hall, laughing and whistling to himself the entire way.

“Oh my god. Oh my god! I can never speak to him again!” Mary moans, dropping onto the loveseat and burying her face in her hands.

“If it makes you feel better, he’s caught me doing worse.”

“Really?” He smiles at the way she peeks at him between her fingers.

“Unfortunately. I was bad about locking my door, and he was bad about knocking.” Her nose scrunches, obviously trying not to laugh at him. “It’s okay, you can laugh. You would think one of us would have learned after the first time it happened. Or the second. Or the third.”

He smiles as she snorts, pressing a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound and sinking into the couch. Her laughter dies down as they stare at each other. Bradley doesn’t think he’s been happier than this moment, Mary smiling at him with her partially unbuttoned shirt and mussed hair.

“We should probably go.” She sighs and nods in agreement.

He watches as she fixes her shirt and smooths her hair in the mirror, inspecting her makeup before padding over to the corner.

“These are for you.” She holds out a container from the shelf above her mini fridge.

He looks through the clear plastic. “What are these?”

“I made you those peanut butter bites you liked so much. They’re not the most exciting thing, but they don’t have to be refrigerated, so you can take them on the carrier. And you should be getting a box about halfway through deployment, so make sure you send me anything you want so I can put it in for you.”

Bradley takes a shaky breath, unable to swallow the lump in his throat. No one had ever made him a treat to take with him, and it’s been years since he’s gotten a care package that wasn’t from a volunteer group. Despite the fact that he wasn’t speaking to Ice, Sarah had sent him packages during his first few deployments. But that stopped when Ice got sick the first time, and it didn’t start again when the cancer went into remission.

It sucked being the only one being passed a charity box full of things he didn’t like or need, but he understood. Their life was different at that point. New health rules to follow, more appointments, their kids were starting to have kids. There was no spare time for unnecessary things, like sending a box of goodies to a kid who was refusing to speak to them.

“Bradley?” His name is said quietly, and he looks up to find Mary looking anxious, her brow creased in worry.

He drops the Tupperware on her desk with a clang and pulls her into his arms, pressing a hard kiss to her mouth and hoping it conveys everything he’s feeling that he can’t quite say.

Thank you for thinking about me. Thank you for caring about me. I love you.

She reciprocates, matching him, knowing this is one of the last times they’ll see each other alone before he’s gone for two months.

“Thank you.” He whispers when they break apart, Mary smiling at him and pressing one more gentle kiss to his lips before pulling away to put her heels back on.

Bradley walks her to the conference room, his hand brushing hers, but neither of them bold enough to hold hands when anyone could catch them. He spends the time watching her, savoring the quiet moments they get to spend together. A quick glance into the conference rooms reveals his uncle fighting with the display screen behind the podium, so he pulls her to the side of the doors and, after thoroughly checking the hall, kisses her.

The first time of many that he’ll dare to kiss her in an empty hallway of NAS North Island throughout their lives.

“I’ll see you at the Hard Deck.” He murmurs against her lips before opening the door and waving at Slider.

“Finally! Mary, what the hell does “extend the display” mean?” Ron rolls his eyes when he sees his nephew staring at his mentee like a lovesick puppy. “Bradshaw! Get your ass to the hangar, now!”

Bradley snaps to attention, giving a sarcastic salute that he only gets away with is because there’s no one else around, and the admiral glaring at him also witnessed his many potty-training failures. He gives his uncle a genuine grin as he turns to leave, getting instructions to prop the door open and an overexaggerated wink in return.

He does as told and hesitates for a minute before stepping to the side of the doorway, hoping he understood the non-verbal hint correctly.

“So… you and Bradley? That’s something you didn’t mention the last time we talked, Mary.”

“It’s new, very new. Could you not say anything to anyone – not even Mav – for now, please?”

“You got it, kiddo. Just try not to hurt him.”

“I won’t, Ron. I lo-” She cuts herself off, and the silence of the hall is deafening. Bradley can hardly hear her continue above his racing heart. “I care about him too much to hurt him.”

His phone is continuously buzzing in his pocket, but he doesn’t bother to answer it; he knows it’s Mav or one of the Daggers looking for him. In a daze of excitement and nerves, he makes his way to the hangar, wishing more than anything that he wasn’t walking into the final deployment briefing. He wants to turn around, throw Mary over his shoulder, and drive them up the coast until they find a little mountain town with no cell service and stay there for two months instead.

“There you are! Rooster, what took you so long?” He should feel lucky that it’s just an exasperated Maverick he has to deal with and not Cyclone.

“Sorry, Mav, had to drop something off to Admiral Kerner.” It’s probably the wrong excuse to give, his uncles are definitely going to gossip, and he’s going to get so much shit tonight for it. But he can’t bring himself to care as he slips into his chair, smiling so big at Hangman that half the squad worriedly looks at him.

She loves me.

Mary loves me.

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fic tag | credit for dividers here

#top gun maverick fic #top gun maverick au #top gun maverick imagine #top gun fic #top gun au #top gun imagine #bradley rooster bradshaw fic #bradley bradshaw fic #bradley rooster bradshaw x oc #bradley bradshaw x oc #bradley bradshaw imagine #rooster imagine #DSS universe #MM fic #elle writes #mar[r]y me fic

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angel-baby479 · 2 years ago

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okokok this is pretty long so you might wanna longpost tag this

its the full thing, so it has all of the part one thing i sent yesterday (yes i did go back and finish the sentece) and i think it turned out pretty good for my first time writing this genre. That said,,,

Elitello fanfic coming at you!

It was night three in a row that Donnie had no sleep, and it was around this time that Elijah started to seriously worry. Sure, Donnie stayed up ridiculously late most days, but normally he wouldn't have been up for this long.

The only good thing about this, is the longer he stays up, the more often he leaves his desk for coffee. It was during his most recent coffee run that Elijah had finally decided he was putting his foot down. He was making Donnie go to sleep, even if it meant destroying whatever he was working on currently (misinfo. Despite how much he wanted to sometimes, Eli could never bring himself to purposefully break something that Don had put his time into.)

The first stage was the simplest part. He had to make it to Donnie’s desk. Considering he had been keeping Don company for the past,,, several hours of the night, this part was easy. Looking through all the organised mess on the desk, he looked for something, anything important enough to Donnie that taking it would make him go after it.

God this desk was a mess, he hardly knew what was important! Maybe it was about time to start paying more attention when Don infodumped about his creations.

“Elijah, love, what on earth are you up to?”

Fuck. ok. He may have taken a bit too long this time, but maybe he could prompt a hint on what he could take out of this situation?

He took a few steps back from the desk and turned to look at where Donnie was approaching, fresh mug of coffee in hand. “It looked interesting so i was just trying to see what it was”

“Well, maybe if you pay attention this time, I can explain it to you?” He nodded enthusiastically, waiting as Donnie sat down and placed his coffee to the side before leaning slightly against the back of his chair, fully prepared to listen to him ramble for the next half an hour. He may have messed up his first attempt, but he swore, hed do better the next try. He looked at Donnie fondly, listening intently to the words he spoke almost seamlessly.

Honestly.

The things he would do for this man.

————————————

It's about 3 coffee trips later when Elijah decides to take another stab at operation: make Donnie sleep, after all, the opportunity practically handed itself to him on a silver platter. During the last few coffee trips, he had meticulously timed how long Donnie had spent out of the room, only for him to be handed a solution where timings would hardly matter.

The device Donnie was working on was rather small. All Eli had been told was that it would go into a handheld device and that he wasn't allowed to know anymore. Odd, but sometimes Don liked to keep the air of mystery to make things more fun and he wasn't going to ruin that for his own curiosity. Not just yet anyway. More importantly, because of its size, Don had been using his goggles the entire time while working on it and after having complained about how they were annoying him, Elijah managed to convince him to take them off for his next coffee run.

There, in all their scrap metal glory, sat Donnie’s goggles. They were currently centre-stage on Donnie’s desk, their placement something he would be sure to notice if it were to disappear. It was perfect. Something necessary for the project that he could take away without fear of damaging anything.

So that's exactly what he did.

As gently as he could, he took the goggles from the table, the cold metal pressing softly into the palm of his hand as he swept quickly across the lab to the still open doors. His footsteps were light, echoing quietly through the lair as Elijah made his way towards Donnie’s room. With around one minute until Donnie got back to the lab to find him gone, Elijah crossed the threshold of Don’s room. He left the light off, it would look more normal that way. And besides, Elijah had spent enough sleepless nights in there with Don to know the layout better than he would the layout of his own room back home.

There, by the foot of Donnie’s bed, was the bag he normally took with him when staying over at the lair. That would be as good a place as any to hide the goggles, at least then he knew there would be no chance of it accidentally getting broken. Slipping them gently into the main pocket, he settled himself into Donnie’s bed. He knew there was no way that stubborn turtle would just go to sleep when asked, so his only other option was to drag him kicking and screaming. But he was fine with that.

And now, Donnie should have entered the lab to find Elijah and his goggles missing. All he had to do was wait.

————————————

"Elijah? Love, are you in here?"

Elijah raised his hand and waved at Donnie, who stood just at the door frame. Upon seeing such a lacklustre response, Donnie crossed the room in strides, whatever he was doing before could wait until after he checked in on his boyfriend.

"Are you alright my love?"

"I'm alright, Don."

"Thank god, I don't know what I'd do if you weren't." The two shared a quiet laugh. they felt so,,, safe in there, away from what the others expected of them, with just each other for comfort. Elijah looked up at Donnie’s eyes and he could see how soft they were. It was moments like this, where the self proclaimed bad-boy turtle let down his walls, that made him fall in love all over again.

"Love, have you seen my goggles? I need them to get back to work,,," Donnie's voice sounded gently in the quiet room, as if trying to preserve the soft and sleepy atmosphere between the two. He was tired and it was starting to show.

"no, i've not. but don't you think you should stop working for a while?" God, he was lying through his teeth right now but it looked to be working. Donnie looked hesitant, almost scared at the prospect of stopping his work.

"Tell you what, D." he sat up slightly, causing Donnie to look at him expectantly. " Take a nap with me now, it doesn't have to be long, just a couple of hours, and I'll help you find your goggles when we wake up, sound fair? They're not gonna be outside the lair, so it'll be fine." Donnie was torn. On one hand, he needed to find his goggles. If Leo had them (he was the only one of his brothers who might possibly be awake at that time) they could very easily get broken. On the other hand, he was so fucking tired and he really did need sleep.

"Fine, ill take a nap with you" a wide grin stretched across Elijah's face as he layed back down on the bed and moved further towards the wall, lifting the blanket and leaving enough room for Donnie to slide in next to him. And that's what he did. Thankfully, he didn't have any of his gear on since it bothered him while he was working. Adjusting the blanket over them, Eli moved closer to Don, resting his head on his plastron where he could hear the rhythmic beating of his heart. Donnie wrapped his arms loosely around Eli's waist, pulling him even closer.

The air was so full of love, you could almost feel it. The trust between these two was so strong, not even the greatest of disasters could do anything to harm their bond.

"Hey Don?" Donnie hummed in acknowledgement. He was already in the lightest grips of sleep thanks to the warmth between them.

"I'm the one who took your goggles. I wanted you to go to sleep."

"You sneaky bastard,," he sounded so tired with his response

"You love me really,"

",,,yeah. I do. Now go to sleep, dummy." Elijah chuckled under his breath

"Whatever you say, love,,," <33

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww oh my goshhhhh this is so sweet and wholesome!! i was legit smiling the whole time <333 it's so good for ur first time writing fluff fr oml! :O i love this so so so much treasuring it forever tysm for writing it bestie, it's wonderfulllll!!!!!

#long post #kdshgsjhkgdfghkdhfv #losing my minnnndddddddddd #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #its so good ive read it like 3 times over already #i love it sm.#crying tears /pos #ur the besssttttt #fkjshkhgkjfgfd #<33333333333333 #friendos fic #elitello #elitello fic #bowl of limes asks #<- u get ur own tag :]#oc eli

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keratoconusgroup · 4 months ago

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Starting my KC journey - may have already pissed off my new Optometrist?

I was DQed for Lasik in Oct 2023 and the surgeon wasn't forthcoming with the details but said they would send them to my Optometrist. My former optometrist took months to get back to me but said they suspected KC and wanted to refer me to an Ophthalmologist. It took another few months but I was finally able to go and see that Opthalmologist. July 2024 it was confirmed I have KC and he said it was mild and I didn't require CXL. He then referred me to the hospital's scleral lens fitting Optometrists but I couldnt get in there till Jan 2025! So I got a recommended list of Optometrists locally that would do KC fitments. Oh I couldnt go back to my former Optometrist who I really loved because of her thoroughness because she said my case was too complex and she was trying to simplify her cases as she approaches retirement. So this new Optometrist - I went to see them yesterday fully expecting to begin my scleral lens journey - fully understanding this is going to take many visits and lots of trial and error and time for the lenses to come in etc etc. RIght off the bat, this guy nudged me quite a bit towards hybrid lenses. I spent 2.5 hours in the office for the initial visit and he tries a few synergeyes hybrid lenses until we find one that somewhat works. They still feel somewhat uncomfortable but they were the best of the lot. He basically told me I would get 2 pairs instead of 1 pair of sclerals, and that vision would be better, and easier to put in and take out. I was skeptical but I did not push back. I leave and immediately research this group as far as hybrids vs sclerals and for the large majority it seems like sclerals besides the steeper learning curve and journey to getting the right fit, yield better results. I have bad allergies, and dry eyes and it sounds to me that sclerals would be better for these. So I finally decide to email the doctors office and ask them to halt the ordering of the hybrids I was fitted for and I want to change course and go for sclerals. I hope I didnt piss off this doctor - which seemed to be churning through patients while I was there - I'm not sure I'm a fan although I dont know if thats how things work - he said his KC day is Wednesdays so perhaps the work flow is different than standard exams. But it would suck to start off on the wrong foot when you need someone to be patient with the process. I feel pretty good about my decision, and think its better for long term health going full scleral instead of hybrids. I'm just not sure whether I am already seeing orange/red flags with this doctor and whether I can switch offices when I've already paid my copay (VSP insurance). I'm so annoyed because I feel I've been dealing with this issue for more than half my life. I remember 20 years ago my friend who is an optometrist wound up doing my eye exam through the refraction thing looking at the back of my eyes through that to dial things in because I was unable to consistently say whether things were better 1 or 2. I've been seeing double for most of my life. submitted by /u/FFRedshirt [link] [comments] https://www.reddit.com/r/Keratoconus/comments/1ehv6gm/starting_my_kc_journey_may_have_already_pissed/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

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calamityandme · 1 year ago

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I’ve had a better couple of days thank goodness.

Yesterday I had a “me” day. I played a lot of BG3. ROMANCED ASTARION! It was at the tiefling party/bonfire or whatever. It was so fun lol.

I made myself chicken and dumplings for dinner that night. Spent time with Danny. Overall a good day.

✨(I need to talk about my special interests now)✨

Today I cleaned for R. I had a slightly different list than usual. I didn’t clean parts of the upstairs bathroom because she had already cleaned them, for example. I decided to switch things up with my listening selection. While I cleaned I listened to Rhett and Link’s podcast Ear Biscuits on Spotify. I hadn’t listened to them in a while because I’ve been enjoying cleaning while listening to my library audiobooks, but I remembered that they do special sex themed episodes during the month of September called Sextember so I checked those out.

I really enjoy those episodes of Ear Biscuits. I enjoyed What Are Our Sex Lives Like? (Ep. 395).

I listened to half of EP. 394 Kinks We’ve Tried (Or Will Try) but it was also funny. I only listened to half because I had finished cleaning by then, nothing against them. I plan on finishing it sometime soon.

I want to go on a little bit of a Rhett and Link tangent lol. I have been watching Rhett and Link’s content ever since I was first given access to YouTube. I was introduced to them when I stumbled across their video Squirrel Rights Song.

youtube

I have watched Rhett and Link videos at many varying points in my life. Sometimes almost religiously watching uploads, other times forgetting about them for a year until I’m recommended an interesting Good Mythical Morning segment by the YouTube algorithm.

Their videos are just a safe place for me. I have definitely looked up to Rhett and Link as father figures in my life when my dad wasn’t there when I needed him. Rhett and Link had time for me every morning lol. That was enough to leave a good impression on me. I even wrote to them back in the day and drew something of me and my friend meeting Rhett and Link lol. I was 17 and she was 15 at the time lol. Looking back, I’m sure if I actually ended up sending them my letters/package that the drawing of the two grown men standing next to two teenage girls would probably be creepy lol. Maybe it was a good thing those letters stayed in my sentiment box.

I loved the first Good Mythical Evening. I paid for it so my friend and I could watch it together. My friend C is also a long-time fan of Rhett and Link.

I just have enjoyed their content and how it’s changed over the years. I loved the small town commercials, the rap battles, the many GMM changes and skits that have stuck with me throughout the years (Moolissa, Cotton Candy Randy✨). I have a lot of good memories with their content.

But anyways done talking about that lol.

I went to this coffee shop by my work and got myself a special coffee to celebrate going to work today. I really contemplated calling in sick today but I knew in my bones I needed to get it over with.

A few days ago I tried to get coffee from this place and I didn’t have enough money to get the coffee, so i apologized and left the drive thru coffeeless. I thought I had enough but I was $2 short. Today I asked to pay for 2 coffees and only get 1 to make up for my grievance. They were nice about it.

It felt really good to pay for the coffee I couldn’t have earlier. I got myself some lunch and dropped some things off at a donation center near me before going back home for the day.

I played more BG3 today lol. Started watching this alien movie called Arrival. It’s pretty good so far. I have just been trying to take it easy since today was my “hardest” day of the week. Hard meaning most physically exhausting I would say.

Tomorrow is engagement photos. I’m so so nervous but excited. I know I’m fat and I’ll look fat so I’m trying to brace myself. Fat doesn’t equal bad. I am fat and that’s okay. I’m beautiful because of me and everything that I am. Mantra for photos ✨ I’m excited for my mom and maybe nana to see our venue too.

I’ll end this post with some marigolds from our garden. Ignore the dirt lol.

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dzpenumbra · 2 years ago

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12/22/22

That's a lot of two's.

Today was pretty good. I woke up early because the upstairs neighbors were like right above me, I'm pretty sure they have a couch or a table there or something, I hear them clear as day right there most days. To be fair, it's usually like 11AM or later when I hear them, and they have to listen to my shower music probably, so whatever. It wasn't them that woke me up, actually, they just kept me from going back to sleep. Vivid dreams woke me up. Not bad ones either. But I haven't been logging them.

I miss logging my dreams, and I've had vivid dreams like every night since I've been here. Hmm... Maybe that's a new project I can jump into. Like I need a new project, I have like 20.

Hung out with kitty, started the day. I spent a good chunk of the day sanding stones, that was pretty cool. There was a sandstone-ish kinda piece, got that basically shaped... somewhat. And I found a rough piece of amethyst which I got started on, I'm really excited to finalize these amethysts, it's one of my favorites.

I made cinnamon rolls. Good call.

I called the doctors to get set up with a Primary Care. While eating an apple. And I'm blaming my long on-hold times on that, because it's funny. The soonest I could get an intake appointment was February 6th at 8:15AM. And that was a month and a half earlier than the branch a few blocks from my house. So... my plan is likely gonna be to pull an all-nighter and do that. After the intake appointment, she said I can transfer doctors over to the branch by my place. Gotta weed out the drug seekers somehow, I guess? I don't know, maybe they're short-staffed or something.

So yeah, once that's up and running and I have a doctor, I can talk to someone about this bacterial infection that I've had for over a year that didn't go away when I took two kinds of antibiotics. And request my ADHD screening, which is the primary reason why I'm doing all this. But I mean, it's good to have a Primary Care anyway, right? I haven't had one in... like 8 years or something? My Primary Care decided to move to upper management and literally just fucking dumped me. Like... no setting me up with another doctor, nothing. Just... swingin in the breeze. So... I've just... not had a doctor for almost 10 years. So, this is a change.

So yeah, good progress on work and life stuff. Did yoga, it was good again, becoming very routine. Gave myself a haircut. The person on r/ptsd thanked me for my comment yesterday and said they could really relate to what I was saying and they were really frustrated that they couldn't just smoke to relax and get away from their bullshit like apparently a lot of people can. I unloaded a few suggestions for them. That journaling pairs really well with weed (for me at least) as far as like... doing self-care work goes. Doing therapy work. But if you're looking to chill... well... doing that work can help you get more chillness in the future. But in the moment, it can be super intense. So... I recommended a few remedies to find chill now, while the weed/journaling combo goes to work trying to unravel those anxieties and bring a more general sense of ease.

It sucks, because I completely know why people fall into addiction coping mechanisms and all that. Distractions. Escapes. Like... good lord, in a lot of ways I'm jealous of people who can come home and just drink and their brain just turns off and they just... evade their demons. I know, I get there's a massive price to pay for it, which is the biggest reason why I can't really bring myself to even try anymore. But like... I don't think I can even get close to turning my feelings off. Even on herculean doses of prescribed Xanax I had emotional overwhelm. I remember pain pills came close when I experimented in college. Like I would feel super warm and cozy and curl up on the floor on pillows with a comforter over me and play Xbox, and the only emotion was like... stillness and relaxed. And that was nice, I can see why people would want that. But... like... you know you gotta go back, right? Right, addicts? You know you gotta go back sometime... You know you gotta leave the bar eventually. You know you're gonna come down. And I learned that shit super fucking young. Like 20. I was like... "oh this is a really nice vacation, but like... I gotta work on making my default setting closer to this." I wish it were that simple, but I really hope more people can get there in time, myself included obviously.

How the fuck did I get on drug addiction? Oh, the r/ptsd thing. Yeah, so it's weird... when a "drug" doesn't do for you what it does for people on TV. When it doesn't make you just get squinty eyed and giggly and wolfing down Cheetos. When it actually unlocks all your shit and makes you run through a 4 hour emotional/anxious obstacle course. Like a fucking Ayahuasca spirit journey. It makes other drugs start to look more appealing. But really, I think the big problem there is like... what the person needs is a good social network to work through those. The catharsis after the freakout can be phenomenally refreshing, especially when it's not a long freakout. It can be healing. I don't know, I don't feel really qualified to speak on this too deep, though I've done a great job breaking addictions and dependencies alone. But I let this person know that there's sort of a two pronged approach to dealing with trauma - in my current practices - engaging it with therapeutic work in a deliberate environment, and making time to take care of yourself and recover from emotional overwhelm and stuff. Self-work and self-care. Technically they're both self-care, but like... yeah. You kind have to use them at different times, in different mindsets. I have trouble articulating this kinda stuff without using examples, but I hope the gist is getting across. If you've had a shit day and are recovering from a flashback or something, go take a bath, go pamper yourself. If you're having a freakout and you don't know why, and have some extra emotional bandwidth to work with, give journaling a shot to try to unravel that a bit, make sense of it.

I'm done talking about that, I feel myself repeating over and over. I skipped skating today. I... went back and forth on it for a while. I'm not really sure why I tapped out. I just did. Maybe I'm feeling anxious, maybe I don't want to push myself too hard. I don't know. But I skipped. The rest of the night was a late shower, dinner, laundry and just watching Twitch. Which often feels like it's more stressful to watch than anything, I say that literally every time I get back into it. But it simulates social interaction, so it's a really alluring substitute for being around people. And coming to terms with not having social contact until like... the 28th I think? 29th maybe? That's a tough pill to swallow. Especially during the holidays. So. Yeah. Maybe I'll stream or something, I'll see, I've been tossing the idea around.

So yeah, I got some shit done which was cool. Now I'm gonna try to get to bed before 2:30, which would be cool. Let's see what tomorrow has in store, shall we?

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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justtogetthrough · 2 years ago

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Thinking about the doctor who stitched me up, a resident my age, and who was so gentle and caring in everything she did, meticulously working on my arm while talking to me and asking me questions, knowing that I needed so much more than stitches that night. And the moment where she stopped to examine her progress, assess next steps, and must have looked up and down my arm while I laid flat on my back staring at the ceiling while I cried and we talked, and how tenderly she brushed her fingers so lightly over a cluster of of raised scars on my upper arm. How much my memory of that night, distressed and dissociated and urgently wanting to die, gets grounded to that moment of feeling her fingers move so gently over the bumpy scars I also rub my hand over a lot like a xylophone, or piano keys.

I am so starved for love and care as it is, and I've sustained so much gd medical trauma in the past few years, that it was this strange moment where on one of the worst nights in my life, it was a doctor who made me feel so calm and cared about for 2 hours.

I don't remember feeling any of the needles because she kept me talking and distracted, but I was so distraught I was physically shaking for a good portion of it. A few times she'd stop and ask if I was numb enough/make sure that I wasn't feeling what she was doing, and I'd confirm I couldn't. But at one point she stopped and said you're shaking, and put both her hands on each of my arms for a few moments to pass on her warmth and then got me a heated blanket before continuing.

Even after she finished she stayed with me for half an hour. The ER was so busy that night but she spent two whole hours tending to me because my therapist canceled on me that day and I'm trying not to alienate my only other support. When we bantered about removal of the staples and stitches and I told her I'd take them out at home, and she tried to argue that staples need specialized equipment so I should come back to the ER for it, and I told her I have the specialized equipment because, well, look at me, she said that I should come back anyway because maybe she would be working and she'd be able to see me again.

That almost made me cry. I did almost debate going back to the ER to have them removed when I discovered the special pliers missing. But I didn't want to risk going back and her not working and having to waste someone else's time, so I bought a new tool and it arrived the next morning and I dealt with it myself. She had gone out to read my file about the staples and had offered to examine them/provide wound care but I had them covered with a fancy ass dressing I didn't wanna take off. But when she read my file she came back saying staples need to come out on ___ date and the stitches ____ date. And I just smiled at her and was like yeah, I might leave them in that long lol. She repeated that she highly encourages me to come back and see someone, that they're there for this (which is sweet but I know she is the only doctor alive probably who feels that way).

Yesterday was the staples date she gave. I wonder if on her next shift she's going to check to see if I've been back since Monday.

I've spent tonight laying in bed trying not to think about how badly I want to die because my body physically can't handle any more damage right now and my mind just... keeps going back to this doctor who showed me so much compassion, especially in stark contrast to the doctor who stapled me 3 nights previous and was in and out with not a single extra word more than was necessary to get the job done.

My memories from Monday night jump around so much but something about her touching the scars on my upper arm. It's like when Kagome tells Inuyasha to sit. My brain snaps to that. Also this doctor LOVES Inuyasha and told me I can't kill myself, I have 2/3 of the series left to go and I was like lmao that's literally exactly what my friend said to me 4 hours ago too and I wish I was capable of caring about anything like that right now ;___;

#im high and sad and rambling #cw cutting #cw suicide #cw hospital #bpd as fuck #personal

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lazyfox411 · 3 years ago

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#ok so im about to rant #so if u dont want my negativity in ur life then dont read this #but like #is it sad that my neighbors who r my boyfriend's friends do more nice thimgs for me than my actual bf #like he gets me takeout when ive had a long day at work and she just got me flowers today for no reason #and my bf just spent like am hour trying to guilt trip me into takimg something out of the freezer and putting in the oven for supper #and when i said no he was like ok well i guess im not eating tonight #like wtf is that bs #ive been cleaning the apartment all day which hes said he would do everyday for like the last 2 weeks but hasn't #he did do some dishes yesterday at least #but like bruh u wanted a cat and i pay for the cat how about u clean up after her #not to mention he hasnt paid his half of the rent since we moved in....#like hes paid for groceries and internet and stuff but not actual rent #idk man if it was me i would feel compelled to help clean the place at least if i wasnt paying rent bc i was broke #esp bc hes home all the time #he has online classes but when i come home hes usually playing video games #and im gone all day often working overtime :/#if u know me irl im sorry u had to read this just pretend u didnt see it for the sake of my dwindling sanity #rant #vent #life with shannon #i honestly might delete this in like 5 minutes idk #does any1 have any positive vibes they could send my way tho #i could use em

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lunaevangeline · 3 years ago

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Haikyuu Boys

What ritual do you do with him on the daily basis (domestic life with him)

Oikawa

Whoever gets up first will eventually wake up the other. Watching his pretty face sleeping peacefully is one of the greatest morning views you enjoy or otherwise, you will find him giggling and staring at you love-sickly while you lazily open your eyes. Then he will greet you with "Good morning, angel" and a set of morning kisses/cuddles as your mandatory ritual every morning.

Sakusa

The first mandatory thing before and after you wake up is brushing your teeth together with him. He will drag you to your bathroom even if you protest on how sleepy you are. But the thing after is very rewarding because you get fresh kisses every time - the best feeling ever. Sometimes, he also asked you to join him in the bath, helping each other to rub the back and make sure every part of your body is cleaned properly.

Ushijima

Since the first time you move in together, you started to learn that your boyfriend has a green thumb. He loves to keep various plants on the balcony which gives pretty eyesight and refreshing vibes. You think the plants also love him, based on how they grow beautifully rather than dying from your treatment in just several days. Every morning you will water the plant with him while humming your favorite song.

Iwaizumi

Being a partner of an athletic trainer of the national team is a blessing, of course. Besides the refreshing eyesight of his toned abs, he actually helps you to have a more balanced and healthy life. Every morning from 05.30 am, you will join him to jog around the housing complex. After taking a bath together, you dress up and he will drop you at your workplace "Good luck with the work today, princess". "You too, Haji" you give a peck on his lips.

Akaashi

Spending 30 minutes together for a morning tea is your routine with Akaashi. He brews various kinds of tea every day. "What's the tea for today Keiji?" "Oh it's lemon tea today since I saw you coughing yesterday's evening" he smiles at you sweetly. That half of an hour will be spent chit-chat and exchanging giggles on his boss, your coworker, or whatever topics you're on. And before he leaves to work, you chase a kiss on his lips. "You taste sweet. I'm going now, love" he returns by putting a kiss on your forehead.

Kuroo

He enjoys your help in dressing him up every morning. Preparing his suit and tying his tie is one of your daily tasks. It's not that he can't do it by himself, both of you just love to do this routine. "Okay, done!" he can't help to smile down every time he sees you seriously knotting the tie and smiling proudly after it's complete. "Thanks, kitten" a kiss or more is payback for your action, how can you don't love it.

Bokuto

Watching a lame soap opera show somehow has been an evening routine with your boyfriend. Both of you are not very fond of this show but you just try to find something to laugh off on. You love the sensation of resting your head on his broad chest, hearing the echo of his laugh and his heartbeat in between the rise and fall of his chest. How you love every second of it and you just feel at home.

Kenma

Snuggling on his lap after you are done with work is your late evening routine with him. Sometimes you just watch him playing a game, laughing when he curses about how bad his teammates are, or admiring how serious his face is when he tried to defeat the game boss. Sometimes you fell asleep on his lap, and after his game round is finished, he will bring you to bed and tuck you under the blanket.

Atsumu

Helping him to do his hairdo has been your routine since he joins Japan's Volleyball League. "How is it Tsum?" you asked, eyes meeting his brown orbs on the dressing mirror. He gets up and pulls you into a hug "Perfect as usual. Thanks, babe" planting a kiss on your temple. You look up to him, admiring your work on your handsome boyfriend. But suddenly his adoring look turns into a mischievous grin "How about a quickie, baby?" he raises his eyebrows. "Noo, I will end up messing your hair again!" "Who cares?" doesn't hear your protest, he pulls you into a kiss.

Osamu

Waking up from the delicious tempting scent from the kitchen, on the daily basis you can find your boyfriend cooking breakfast for you. You catch him and cling onto him lazily like a koala. "What's for breakfast Samu?" "Hm your favorite french toast?" he serves a plate of glistening golden toast. You droll at the sight of him the french toast "Uhh I love you, I don't deserve you Samu" sleepiness still lingering in your voice. He chuckled lowly "Yes me too. I feel the same". He smiles softly, planting a kiss on your nose and lips.

Kageyama

Since he moves in with you he always makes sure to double the stock of his milk so you can drink milk as much as he does. "Milk is a good source of protein and calcium" he said. He also checks on your daily vitamin and makes sure you drink enough water. When you forgot to take your daily dose of milk, you later find one in your bag, with a sticky note saying "Don't forget to drink the milk. Ily <3 -Tobio". You can't help but smile every time you found this cute little thing he did.

Hinata

He is the sweetest diligent boy you can ask for a boyfriend. Would wake up early to do some jogging and house cores. He does the laundry every morning while you making breakfast. "Shoyo, don't forget the clothespin! I don't want to find my underwear on the neighborhood's balcony ever again!" you yell from the kitchen, trying to remind him as you saw him about to dry the clothes. "Yes baby, I'm sorry! Love you" he peeks from the hallway and throws a smile at you. His smile is brighter than the sun and contagiously puts one on your face.

masterlist

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forsakenmis · 4 years ago

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After the snap

Summary: Wanda was snapped away. You, on the other hand, remained and had moved on. You moved out of the country, started a new job, and had even gone on a few dates. Then everyone came back and suddenly a familiar witch was knocking on your workplace door.

Pairings: Top!Wanda x Reader

Warnings: dark!wanda, oral (r receiving), strap, public sex, posessive wanda, mummy kink

You’d long put away the shield (so to speak) and were at a point that going back to everyone just seemed so jarring. Maybe you didn’t want to believe it wasn’t true. After five years of grieving, of building a new life, and suddenly everyone’s just….back.

Wanda was back.

You knew it was wrong to have not contacted her. For her, it must seem like yesterday that you were whispering your plans about eloping, but that was five years ago. You moved on. Found someone else. She was nice, sweet, normal. She worked as a custom officer but she could spend hours and hours talking about all these topics that fascinated you.

She also was very predictable and normal.

Admittedly, your relationship hadn’t quite been defined. You suspected she was seeing other people, keeping her options open, and you weren’t sure how long you two were going to last but you were enjoying the time that you had together.

On top of that, you had a job at a bookstore that paid your rent. Sure, it wasn’t as flashy as it was back then but you liked being surrounded by all the books, some new and some falling apart. You spent a lot of pride restoring the latter in the back. You never had much of a chance to read before everything happened, your life was mostly spent trying to make sure everyone didn’t die.

Your abilities were healing based and that was more useful than you had initially thought when you first met them all. In fact, you thought you were awfully inadequate compared to people like Steve Rogers, Thor and Wanda Maximoff. But your time was kept filled to the brim.

Your only time to relax was your time with Wanda.

It had started off innocent enough. She used to stay with you after you finished up in the medic bay. She’d have dinner with you. Admittedly, you were pretty sure she didn’t have many other friends in the complex. Then it grew until she was fucking you every chance she could get. How else would either of you relax?

But that was a long time ago. You were done with that life. You weren’t the same person anymore. You ran and started a new life and not even the idea of Wanda could make you go back and maybe she was just that–an idea.

You were confident none of them would find you. Natasha couldn’t. You knew she had been trying to track you down like she had for Clint but no one came knocking on your door. So if they couldn’t, you were pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to find you either.

You’d just closed shop, the sunset streaming through the shutters covering the windows, and were taking stock. It had been a quiet day, but it was always quiet on a Tuesday so you had easily reached the predicted quota. The one downside was your boss, but he was only around once a week.

He was the kid of some millionaire who was trying to be hip and all that. So he opened some urban bookstore but he was too busy partying to actually stay on top of the business. Which is fine-you liked that arrangement. You’ll keep the shop running and he’ll never be up in your business. It worked without a bump in the road.

You were nearly done for the day, all you had to do after was–

The bell attached to the door trinkled. Someone had walked in. It was nearly half past, well past closing, so surely your boss would understand if you told whoever it is to leave. You were behind the shelves, you couldn’t see who had walked in. They weren’t making a lot of noise. Some people just had that soft touch, usually women.

Coming out to the front, your mouth already opening to ask them to leave, your words died in your throat.

Wanda.

Your eyes were frozen on her face, her eyes, those big doe eyes that always drew you in. She was smiling, an expression full of relief, and she was taking you in, grazing your body, before she moved forward to close the distance.

You stepped back.

Frozen with the air changing. Heavier, like you could feel the gravity pulling you down. Her light, happy, expression melted off and confusion replaced it.

“Wanda,” you said, wanting to cut her off, you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t listen to her. She’d want you to come back. Five years for you, a few days for her. “You shouldn’t be here.”

You may as well have slapped her.

“Shouldn’t be here?” Wanda repeated and you closed your eyes. For the first time in years, you heard her voice. That voice that whispered to you in your dreams. A voice you thought you could hear every time you were alone. “I think I’m exactly where I need to be.”

When you opened your eyes again, you jumped, she was right there. You didn’t even hear her footsteps. “Wan–” you began but then her lips were on yours, her tongue sliding into your open mouth and you grunted in shock. You didn’t kiss back but you didn’t push her off either. You froze. You let her tongue be pushed down your throat as her hands slid onto your cheeks.

Her thumbs beginning to rub small circles into your skin pushed you back into action, your hands going to hips to shove her off you hard enough that she stumbled back a few steps.

“Wanda, I can’t,” you hissed out. “It’s been five years. I…”

“Why aren’t you happy then?” Wanda asked, bewilderment splashed across her face and almost instantly did guilt wash through you. Like you were betraying her somehow. “I was gone for five years, and now I’m back. Why didn’t you come back? Surely, you didn’t move on that easily?”

With that, the guilt was gone.

“Easily?” You hissed out, your hands balling into fists, “don’t come into my shop and–”

You stopped. It was no use getting angry. Your sentences always fumbled into one elongated word that no one could ever understand. “You have no idea what the five years have been like,” you snapped and she tilted her head, just slightly, but enough that a cold chill went down your spine. “You shouldn’t have looked for me. I’m not interested in going back to the avengers. I moved on.”

With that, you turned on your heel to go behind the desk, tapping away at the register. Maybe if you ignored her, she’d get the hint and leave.

“So you developed an attitude?” Wanda remarked and slid her hands into the woollen cardigan that...you knitted her. You frowned when you made the connection. You spent hours labouring away at it. It wasn’t that good, the colours were awful, but she rarely took it off. “Seems we have to start at square one again.”

You frowned. You seem to be doing that a lot. You could already see the wrinkles beginning to form on your forehead. Why wasn’t she listening to you? “I’m seeing someone,” you blurted out as the cash register popped open loudly and Wanda’s face went blank as she registered what you just said. “A girl. She’s nice.”

You weren’t sure if you just signed this girl’s death certificate.

You kept eye contact with the Sokovian and even when her face morphed into a cold fury you hadn’t seen since the civil war. Her expression was tight and it almost looked like she was trying to hold herself back.

“I see.”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered after a moment, “I...I know this can’t be easy for you either. I know it must seem like last week that...well. You know. I just...that life is over, for me at least. I hope you can understand.”

Wanda was silent. She was being too silent. She didn’t say anything, she stood there watching you, and you were too nervous to say anything else or make the next move. Maybe, hopefully, Wanda wouldn’t even say anything else, just walk out. Resent you for the rest of her life. It was better that way.

Instead she walked around the register and your heart dropped to your stomach.

“Wanda-”

“Shut up,” she hissed, her hand whipping up to grab your jaw. Your hands shot up to her wrists and she dragged you forward, closer to her face. “Do you really think I’d let you give up on us this easily? That I’d let you whore yourself out to some girl off the street?”

You didn’t say anything but your glare said enough.

“I trained you so well. I spent years breaking you in, years loving you, and you treat me like this? Like I’m just some common bitch you can throw onto the street?” Wanda’s tone didn’t match her words. Her tone was soft, almost a coo, sounding more disappointed than angry. You almost wished she was more angry than disappointed.

Her lips were on yours again and her hand moved to the back of your head, her teeth biting down into your lips and you groaned at the sharp pain, giving her entrance back into your mouth.

A hand went down between your legs, rubbing, and you instinctively opened your legs. Your body remembered her. Remembered her scent. Everything.

Wanda hummed in approval and soon you were being pushed onto the counter. She broke the kiss, pulling back to look down at you, her hands beginning to rub the inside of your thighs. “Just one night,” she whispered, her expression already having smoothed out, as if that kiss, your touch, was all she needed. “One night with me and if you still want me to leave by the end of the night...well, I’ll leave you alone. Forever. Even if you change your mind. Even if you come crawling back, begging.”

You doubted her. Something in the back of your mind didn’t believe her. On anything. You were pretty sure she wanted you to beg. Your hands were shaking and you gulped. Everything about this reminded you of when you were last happy. Like you were back in the avengers tower where nothing was going wrong.

Her lips were on yours again and her hands soon began to pull at your skirt, ripping them off you with ease, to find nothing but your bare cunt for anyone to see. You jerked up when her hand slammed against it, slapping it. Once, twice, three times, four. “You dirty little whore,” she whispered, “you let anyone and everyone see this, didn’t you?” She slid a finger into your folds and your bottom lip trembled.

“Wanda…” you whispered, feeling your own walls beginning to crumble. Maybe one night wasn’t so bad. One night. One indulgence.

“It’s mine tonight,” Wanda confirmed before suddenly her hands were on your waist and flipped you around and your stomach slapped onto the desk, taking away your breath, leaving you gasping. “You said I didn’t know what happened. In the past five years. You’re right, I don’t, but you’re going to tell me. Tell me everything I missed. If you leave anything out, and I know when you do sweetheart, I’ll stop. Understand me?”

“Yes,” you breathed out as you felt her mouth in between your legs, her tongue lapping at your clit and your back arched as you tried to push more of yourself into her. Soon, it started spilling out. What you did the first few months, how you struggled to get out of bed, how you travelled the world. Therapy. Everything. Her tongue didn’t stop, in fact the more you spilt, her tongue sped up, making you wetter and wetter by the second. “I couldn’t get you out of my head,” you mumbled by the end of it, “I found her. She was everything you weren’t. Mundane. Boring.”

Your stomach was tightening, that tempting release building and building, so expertly brought on by the way Wanda devoured you, the way she breathed onto your throbbing clit, the way her tongue teased your gaping entrance. When you stopped, she pulled away and you bit down onto your bottom lip to stop yourself from cursing.

“Such a good little whore for me,” Wanda purred, her hand falling in between your slit to rub your clit and the moan that left your mouth sacrificed any and all self respect that you might have been clinging onto. “This is where you belong isn’t it? Bent over for mummy. I treat you so well, don’t I?”

Two fingers dipped into your already gaping entrance pushing them in and out. “I think you deserve a little reward,” Wanda hummed out, “for being so honest with mummy.”

You didn’t have much long to prepare before you felt a strap push into your entrance and you gasped in a sharp breath, your eyes bulging and your body pressed forward. Wanda didn’t push into you completely, only pushed the tip in and out, focussing on the one area.

In truth, that was worse than if she shoved into you completely. You were forced to focus on that one area, not get that relief if she were to push in deeper, and it was as if she was grabbing at every inch of your mind, forcing you to feel nothing but that tip dipping in and out of your body.

“Tell me…” she whispered, her hands coming onto your waist to grip them, nails digging into your skin, “tell me where you belong, baby girl. Who you belong to. Look at you, five years without me and you still get so wet for me. I go in so easily. Don’t worry, baby, I’m not going to leave you again.”

“W-w-” you choked out and you took in a breath, trying to contain the moans slipping out of your mouth, “you said one–”

Her hand slammed down onto your bare ass and you jerked forward. Still, she didn’t go deeper, didn’t give you what you wanted. Still, you didn’t verbalise this. Your skin was stinging and your fingers reached up to hang onto the edge of the desk.

“Answer my question, don’t make me treat you like a common whore,” Wanda hissed, pulling out completely just to thrust back in, shoving more of the shaft inside of you, ripping your walls open, but then she pulled back to just the tip again.

Then the doorbell rang again and it was as if someone poured a bucket of ice cold water all over your body. Your vision was already blurring by this point but you could see her outline, the blonde hair, standing at the door.

Wanda slammed into you, bottoming out, and a scream shot out of your lips, whilst her hands were in your hair, pulling your head back until your neck was straining. She could see your face, see every expression you pulled as Wanda began to fuck you without restraint.

“If I were you,” Wanda’s voice broke through your moans and screams, icy cold and calm despite the way she was beginning to thrust inside of you, “I’d leave and never come back. If you knew what was good for you, you’d wipe my girl from everything. Phone, address, memories.”

You couldn’t hear what she said, you could hear her voice, but unlike Wanda, it was all a garbled mess. Even in this state, Wanda’s words were in absolute clarity. You watched her leave. The door clicked shut and you swore you could see red mist at the door, locking it.

Wanda bent over you, pressing down onto your back, lips pressing against your neck, sucking and nipping, her hips still pushing inside of you, pushing you closer and closer to an orgasm that was tightening at the base of your stomach.

Then her movements slowed until she was completely still, her strap still inside of you, your walls wrapped around it, clinging to it.

“Much better, just us,” Wanda whispered as she nipped at your earlobe and you moaned. “You take my cock so well, don’t you? No, I couldn’t dream of letting you go, not when you’re such a good girl for me. I’ll take you with me and I’ll give you the life you want. A normal life, where no one will ever hurt you. You can read all you want. Forget the world outside. Just us two, together.”

“Mummy,” you whispered and you could feel her body vibrate as she hummed in approval. “Mummy, please.”

“Tell me where you belong,” she whispered back as she began to move her hips again.

“With you, mummy, under you. I missed you so much,” you whispered, “I belong to you. I always have.”

“I know, sweetheart, I know you did,” Wanda whispered before she stretched up and her hands went to your elbows, pulling you up from the table before she began to rail you. Sharp thrusts, slamming into you again and again, and tears began to burn the back of your eyes as pleasure began to roll through you. “You're going to cum for me like a good girl. Then you’re going to lie on this table to wait as I go pack your bags. You live above this, don’t you?”

“Y-yes, mummy,” you choked out as your orgasm was already threatening to flow through you. You could feel your own juices dripping down your thighs and you knew that your boss would be walking in to find an absolute mess.

“And then we’ll leave. Together.”

“Together.”

It wasn’t long until you felt like you were choking on your breath, your stomach twisting and churning, your legs trembling, and it was Wanda keeping you up. Otherwise, you would have collapsed onto the table, even the ground.

Soon, you felt it. Felt that blissful euphoria that often put you to sleep wash over you in intense waves that made your toes curl. Wanda was laughing, quietly, as she felt you come undone around her strap. “That’s it, baby girl, let it all go. Good little whore.”

She slid out of you with a pop and you groaned, the disappearing sensation already sorely missed. “Mummy, please, I still need you…” you mumbled, your words drowsy and reality was folding inwards around you as you felt your body hit the table again.

“I’ll be back, in just a moment,” Wanda whispered into your ear before her warmth disappeared and you could hear her moving through the store and up the creaky stairwell. Then your eyes slid open and you took in a deep breath as you began to move. Pushed off the desk, your legs sore and shaky but stable, and you looked for the skirt, long discarded. You knew you only had a small amount of time before she realised or, god forbid, heard you. Pulling the skirt up you grabbed only your wallet, didn’t even dare grab your phone and risk being tracked. You can get a burner if need be. You knew it’d be difficult, if she found you here, then she’d be able to find you wherever you went but...maybe she’ll give up.

You didn’t go through the front door, not with the bell, but there was a small door leading out to the back. Your footsteps were silent as could be, and your heart was beating in your chest. One wrong step and she could hear you. You could hear the banging doors, even her humming, but she didn’t stop.

Soon, you were in the back alley, with nothing but overflowing bins and a motorbike there. Yours. The only thing you kept from Stark. Faster than anything you could buy in a store. You hated riding with a skirt, let alone with these shoes, but what choice did you have?

You only had so much time to run.

#wanda marvel #wanda maximoff #dark!wanda maximoff #dark!wanda #wanda x reader #top!wanda #wanda maximov #misfitwrites

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randomshyperson · 4 years ago

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Wanda Maximoff x Reader - Sorry for your loss - Part III "I will get better"

Serie Masterlist here || Part II| | Read on AO3

Summary: When your wife Natasha passes away in a car accident, a part of you dies with her. It takes a few months of mourning for your psychiatrist thinks the best alternative is for you to join a grief group. And there you meet Wanda Maximoff, and learn to live again.

Warnings: (+16) mentions of death, panic attacks and anxiety, grief, self sabotage, mentions of abusive family background, mutual attraction pining, explicit consent, therapeutic conversations about death, self-deprecation, healthy methods of coping with grief, possible triggers about anxiety, domestic Wanda, hurtful behaviors.

Tag list: @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia / @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5

//-//

Chapter III - I will get better.

Your mother has an insinuating look on her face when you wake up after hearing noises of voices and walk to the kitchen, finding her sipping coffee on the table. With Wanda.

"H-hey." You greet clumsily, your sleepy brain had completely forgotten that the redhead was in your house.

"Good morning honey." Your mother said, her gaze following you all the way to the cupboards and as you served yourself. "I was just telling Wanda how I've been suggesting that you schedule a coffee so we could get to know each other, and what a coincidence it is that I come home and find her lost in my kitchen."

You yawn, shrugging your shoulders.

"Yes, fate is incredible." You mumble sarcastically, and your mother laughs lightly patting you on the arm as you sit down next to her at the table. "Did you sleep well, Wands?"

The redhead looks up at you and smiles as she nods. You stare back for a moment, but feeling your cheeks flush, you look away to your coffee.

"How was your date, Mom?" You ask next, not missing the opportunity to tease her.

"How was yours?"

You choke on your coffee, and your mother laughs. You don't risk looking at Wanda after that joke. But your mother is quick enough to change the subject.

"I need to talk to you about something, by the way." She comments stretching her arm to reach for the work case she left on the empty chair at the table. "Darcy came by the store yesterday afternoon, looking for you."

You frown in surprise, turning your head to look at your mother. She rummages through the files inside her bag, and then pulls out a red folder, handing it to you next.

"What's this?"

"Your contract."

You blink in surprise, and then open the folder. Running your hand over your face momentarily, you sigh.

"Mom..."

"Honey, give it a try." Your mother pleads touching your shoulder. "You are so talented honey. It would be so nice if you would write again."

You laugh humorlessly, running your hand through your hair. Taking a deep breath, you close the folder.

"I'll think about it."

Your words are far more than anything you have done regarding work in many months, so your mother lets out a contented exclamation and gives you a kiss on the cheek, making you laugh.

"Now, let's change the topic, okay?" you ask clumsily, making your mother laugh. She straightens up in her chair, and you look at Wanda quickly, blushing at the fond look in her eyes in your direction.

"Tell me, darling, what do you do?" Your mother asks Wanda. You go back to eating, holding back a giggle. You knew that now your mother would interrogate Wanda the same way Pietro did you, but she was far less subtle than the man was.

Several minutes later, Wanda managed to evade questions when she said she needed to go home, and you nudged your mother lightly in the ribs to get her to leave the other woman alone.

You stood up, grabbing the pots and pans from the table to take to the sink before walking Wanda to the front door while your mother pretended to read the newspaper while watching you two.

"Thank you for letting me stay the night." Wanda said at the door. You smiled, telling her it was okay. She hesitated next, and then moved closer, kissing your cheek good-bye. You nodded dismissively as she walked away, a silly smile on your face as you closed the door after she returned to the car parked in the driveway.

"I liked her." Your mother says as soon as you close the door. You give a short laugh, turning to go back to your room and take a shower. "Don't let that one get away."

"I'm not going to talk about this." You tell her with a mixture of embarrassment and impatience, looking back. Your mother laughs, glancing back at the paper.

//-//

Non-Reader Pov’s

Wanda sighed as she opened the door to the house. The boys were with Pietro, because they had insisted on spending the night after the party. And honestly, Wanda was so tired that she didn't even argue.

Erik was in the living room and didn't take his eyes off the newspaper when his daughter entered the room, throwing her shoes in the doorway and her purse on the couch.

"Should I ask where you spent the night?" he says with a slight hint that makes Wanda's face heat up, but she just continues toward her own room.

"Please, don't." She asks embarrassed, and Erik smiles, not speaking again.

After taking a shower, and getting dressed, Wanda stared at herself for a few moments in the mirror. You are fine. Everything is fine. She repeated these words a few times before leaving the bathroom.

When she returned to the living room, her father was still in the same position, but this time he lowered the newspaper to look at her.

"Honey, I ended up not meeting the friend you said you were bringing to Luna's party yesterday." He counters and Wanda presses her lips together as she goes to the kitchen, starting to sort the ingredients for lunch. "Pietro told me she left early."

"Yep." Wanda agrees a moment later. "It was my fault really. But it's okay now."

"I'd still like to meet her."

Wanda grumbles in agreement, washing some pots. Erik gets up from the armchair, walking over to the counter.

"There is something else I would like to talk to you about." He continues as he rests his hands on the marble. Wanda murmurs signaling that she is listening, but does not turn around. Her father sighs before speaking. "I need to get back home."

One of the pots slips from Wanda's hand, making a noise, but she catches it before it breaks. With a racing heart, she wipes the soap from her hands and the pot, and then dries her hands with a cloth, turning to look at her father as she rests her back against the sink.

"R-right." She agrees with tears in her eyes, but forces herself to smile. Erik looks at her with concern and guilt, but still stands firm as he says.

"Wanda, it's time." He says. "Charles misses me, I can't stay here forever."

"It's okay, papa." Wanda adds in a hoarse voice. She clears her throat lightly, trying not to despair at the thought of being home alone for the first time since Vis died. "I'll be fine."

Erik went around the countertop, moving closer to his daughter to place his hands on her shoulders.

"You can call me anytime you want." He says tenderly. "This is your home, Wan. You'll be able to make it. I'm sure."

Wanda nods, letting the tears flow. Her father hugs her next, and she responds, relaxing against his grip.

Erik breaks the embrace a moment later, smiling at his daughter before pulling away.

"I need to get things organized." He says. "When Pietro arrives with the boys, tell him I need a ride."

"You’re leaving today?" Wanda asks in surprise, and Erik sighs as he agrees. She swallows dryly, nodding frantically in assent.

Her father turns toward the second floor, and Wanda rests her hands on the countertop, taking a deep breath.

She tries not to be too anxious about the fact that starting tomorrow, when the kids go off to school, she will be all alone at home. Actually alone.

//-//

Reader’s Pov

Leaving your monthly appointment with Agatha, after spending an hour telling her about all the progress since you last saw her, you were quite hungry.

You hadn't spoken to Wanda since the day before, but when you thought about texting, you were surprised to realize that she had tried to call you while you were in therapy.

Dialing her number, you waited for her to answer.

"Hey, sorry, my cell phone was off." You say as soon as she says "Hello," slightly worried that it was important. "What did you want?"

" To see you." She says simply, and you ignore your quickened heartbeat. "I...I've been sitting in my car for ten minutes. I can't get into the house."

You frown at Wanda's tearful tone.

"What happened?"

"I just..." She starts half breathlessly. "My dad's not here. I dropped the kids off at school, and I don't...I don't want to be alone."

Your heart breaks for confession, and you shake your head.

"Wands, take a deep breath okay?." You ask her. "Send me your address."

"No, you don't have to..."

"Wanda." You interrupt with a short laugh. "I don't mind, really. Let me help you."

The woman on the other end of the line sighs heavily, and then thanks you. You smile when she hangs up and there is an address on the message app.

//-//

It takes about half an hour for you to arrive, and you walk slowly to the car parked outside, tapping the window lightly to attract Wanda's attention.

She is briefly startled, distracted by her cell phone, but smiles when she realizes it is you, then opens the door and steps out to hug you. You ignore the feeling of how good it is to have her against you as you respond.

"Everything okay?" You ask softly, and Wanda denies it with her head as soon as she lets go of you. You bite the inside of your cheek, unable to resist stroking her cheek for a moment before pushing your hand away.

"I can't get in." She confesses with water-filled eyes as she leans against the car. You sigh, standing next to her with your back to the metal. Her hand slips into yours, but neither of you say anything about it.

"Why not?"

Wanda is silent for a moment, and you imagine that she is not going to answer. But she does.

"Vis bought this house for me." She begins, and you resist the urge to wipe away the tear running down her cheek, imagining that your touch might intimidate her into shutting up. "I never...I never thought I would live in it without him."

"Is that why you asked your dad to move in with you?" you question.

"I think so." She murmurs. "I...I didn't want to be alone here. I mean...I have the boys. But they stay with Pietro so much, and there's school and karate, and music class. When Vis was alive, he worked from home, and I always had company." She explains. "Dad is retired so he’s always around, and he didn't mind staying. I don't think I've been alone here in eight months." Wanda sniffles softly, wiping away tears. "But his husband needed him to come back, and Charles is right to ask. Dad can't keep babysitting his grown daughter who can't put her life together."

"Don't talk like that." You interrupt by squeezing her hand lightly. Wanda shakes her head, running her hand through her hair and taking a deep breath. "Wanda?" You call out to her after a moment, and wait for her to look at you. "Do you want me to come in with you?"

She looks at your lips for a moment, but your head is elsewhere, so you just smile. Wanda nods in agreement.

After you help her get the groceries from the car, you wait behind her until she opens the door. Wanda takes a deep breath, and turns the handle.

Her house is very nice. Clean and organized, although the common characteristics of a house inhabited by children are visible. Wanda leaves a paper bag on the countertop and helps you with the one you are carrying, picking it up and placing it next to the other.

"So?" You ask with your hands in your pockets, looking intently at Wanda, who is trembling slightly as she puts away the items in the kitchen. "Wands?"

"I just..." She begins half impatiently. You don't get affected however, standing your ground. "I don't want you to leave."

You let out a short laugh, feeling your face heat up.

"But I need to go eventually." You say shrugging. "But while i'm here, why don't you show me around? I'll spend the afternoon with you until the boys arrive. But someday you'll need to do it alone."

"Like you moving back to your apartment?" She retorts bitterly and you blink in surprise, and Wanda is already assuming an apologetic expression, but you laugh and she looks at you with confusion.

"Ouch." You joke. " All right, smarty-pants. That was mean. But it's okay, I'm not mad." You assure her approaching as you take your hands out of your pockets to raise them to Wanda's shoulders. " Let's make a deal then?"

"What?"

"I'll keep you company at your place ." You say. "And you help me with my apartment?"

Wanda looks at you a moment, thoughtful. And then she smiles, nods, and circles her arms around you, burying her head in your neck. You don't mind that this hug lasts much longer than a hug between friends does.

//-//

You are laughing at a funny story from Wanda's college days when the front door opens and three small children come running in, throwing their shoes and backpacks on the floor. Pietro is surprised to see you too as he walks in and closes the door.

"Look who's here." He comments with a smile approaching to greet you. "How are you?"

"Good, Pietro." You reply gently. "And you?"

"Yeah, it’s all fine." He says looking at Wanda for a second. "Everything okay around here?"

Wanda bites her lip, looking away to the floor before speaking.

"She's keeping me company."

"Okay?"

"Because papa's not home." Wanda adds, and it takes a moment for Pietro to understand. He exchanges a look with you, but smiles, squeezing Wanda's shoulder for a moment before the boys join you all.

"Hello, who are you?" One of the boys asks, who hugs Wanda's right leg.

You bend down at his height, extending your hand.

"I'm your mommy's friend. You're Billy right?" You say and the boy looks quickly at his mother before shaking your hand. You shake very quickly and repeatedly without squeezing making him laugh as you tell him your name.

You turn your face to the other boy, hugging Wanda's other leg. "Good to see you again, Tommy. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, thank you." He replies politely, making you laugh.

"Do I know her, daddy?" You heard Luna shyly ask Pietro next as she was hiding behind her cousin Tommy. Pietro smiled, nodding.

"Yes, dear, she was at your party don't you remember?"

"She helped Tommy with his headache didn't she daddy?"

Wanda frowned in confusion, but you didn't notice, your gaze on the child as you smiled. Pietro agreed again, and then Luna approached you.

"Do you want to be my friend?" She asked and you thought your heart was going to melt with such cuteness.

"Of course I do!" You replied excitedly, imitating the hand gesture you made with Billy, drawing a laugh from the girl.

"Let's take her to see our room!" Tommy suggested next, and you let out an exclamation of excitement to play with them. Exchanging a quick glance with the other two adults in the room, you let Tommy and Billy hold your hand and lead you upstairs, Luna following behind.

//-//

Non Reader’s Pov

As soon as the children were completely up the stairs, Pietro let out a giggle that attracted his sister's attention.

"What?" Wanda asked.

"Oh, nothing." He replied with a little smile. And only when he and Wanda were in the kitchen, intent on preparing lunch, did he add. "I like her."

"Shut up." Mumbled Wanda with reddened cheeks, understanding exactly what Pietro meant.

The man laughed again, walking over to stand next to his sister and chop some vegetables while she stirred the pots.

"I'll just say one more thing about it, and I promise I'll wait until you feel comfortable telling me." He says and seeing his sister's lack of response, he continues. "It's really good to see you smiling again. I'm glad you're moving on."

"Pietro..."

"Hey." The man interrupts his sister who looks clearly uncomfortable. He drops the knife he picked up to cut carrots and approaches her, holding her hands.

"There's nothing wrong with that." He says tenderly.

"Stop saying those things." Wanda asks releasing her hands to run her fingers through her hair, sighing as she leaned against the sink, breathing deeply. "I don't... I have the boys to take care of, I don't even have time to think about those kinds of things right now."

Pietro sighs, shaking his head.

"You know what, Wanda?" He begins. "Ever since we were kids, all you've done is take care of someone. You took care of babushka, and mamochka. You took care of me all my life, and then you got married and Vis joined the list too. Then came the twins." He said, and Wanda frowned, not understanding where the conversation was going, but Pietro's firm tone encouraged her not to interrupt. "When Vis died, you needed to breathe, and I really didn't mind helping you take care of the boys. But what about you. Wanda? If you're looking out for everyone else, who's looking out for you?"

"I..."

But Wanda doesn't know what to say. She opens and closes her mouth a few times, and Pietro sighs slightly, smiling to reassure his sister.

"You've been through hell the last few months, Wands." He adds. "There's nothing wrong with wanting some heaven."

"You're getting so cheesy, P." Wanda mumbles with flushed cheeks, causing Pietro to laugh lightly. The woman wiped a few tears from her face, and sniffled before shaking her head. "Come on, enough of this talk. The children must be starving."

"Yes, ma'am."

They prepare lunch in silence for a few moments. It is only when Pietro hands Wanda the cut vegetables to throw into the pot, that she remembers to ask about what happened at the party with Y/N and Tommy.

"Oh, she ran into him in the office." Pietro counters. "I think he was feeling sick again. I found them in the kitchen, eating some hot dogs. You were lucky to find a girl who does very well with children, eh?"

Wanda smiles with reddened cheeks, nudging her brother lightly with her shoulders as she mumbles at him to shut up.

//-//

Reader Pov’s

You sat on one of the twins' beds as they filled your lap with toys.

Doing your best to follow all the lines and get on with the fun, you pretended to drink imaginary tea when Tommy handed you a cup, and made a funny voice when Billy asked you to pretend to be a policewoman. Then Luna asked you to imitate a dragon and you spread your arms, running around the room behind the three of them.

Several minutes later, they got into a game of pretend play and forgot all about you, so you looked around at the posters, not sure if you should leave them alone.

Looking around, your gaze caught the pictures on the boys' dresser, and you smiled as you ran your fingers across the pictures.

You bit the inside of your cheek when you picked up one of the frames, the picture of the whole family in it.

"Careful not to break it." You heard Billy say out loud to you. From the tone, it sounded like something Wanda probably said to him a few times.

"I promise I won't break it." You assure him with a smile, turning your gaze to the photograph.

It is probably the picture of the day when the kids came back from the hospital. Wanda is holding one of them, and a tall, blond man is holding the other baby. They have contented smiles on their faces as they wave to whoever was taking the picture.

"Were you friends with dad too?" Tommy asked suddenly. You were slightly surprised to realize that he had stood up and was standing next to you.

"No, Tommy." You respond by stooping down to his height. "I didn't know your father."

"Did you know he died?" He asked next, shifting his gaze to the floor. You held your breath before letting go.

"Yes."

"Mom said that dying means you don't come home anymore." Tommy said and you felt your heart tighten.

"Yeah, honey."

"I miss daddy." Tommy confesses next, and you feel your own eyes fill with water at the scene. But not wanting to make him nervous, you swallow your emotion and smile weakly to calm him down.

"Yeah, I know you do." You tell him, extending your hand toward him for him to hold if he wants. When he accepts, you squeeze it lightly. "But the people we love never really leave us. When you think of your daddy, you feel a little pain in your chest don't you?" You ask and Tommy nods in agreement. "That's the part of your father in you. The love you feel for him stays inside your chest now. Before, you could spread that love with hugs and kisses and smiles. But now you have to keep it to yourself." You say tenderly, and Tommy seems to absorb your words. Billy and Luna are also listening to the conversation and look at you as they sit on the floor in front of a dollhouse. "Do you understand what I say?"

Tommy nods. "Yes, I'm already five."

You chuckle lightly at the quick response.

"I don't want to keep love in my chest." He grumbles. "I want daddy back."

You swallow dryly, watching the thick tears stream down the boy's face. Your gaze quickly catches Billy's, and he is crying, too.

"I'm sorry, kids." You say reaching out to wipe away the tears of the boy in front of you. "That's how death works. It's not fair, and it hurts. But that's what happens. But you all aren't alone, okay? You can always hug your mommy, and your aunt and uncle, and me too if it hurts too much.”

Tommy sniffles and throws his arms around you. You hug him back, hoping he will calm down. It doesn't take long before Luna and Billy join you.

You want to make them feel better, so you open your arms as wide as you can to squeeze them all together, and wait a few minutes before you make a noise with your mouth like a monster. And it works very well, because the next moment they are laughing.

You let them go so that they run, and you laugh as you chase them around the house. When Wanda yells from downstairs for them to come to lunch, you change direction so that they dash downstairs.

"No running on the stairs!" You quickly warn. "The monster catches those who run on the stairs. You need to go slowly."

The children exchange quick glances and then obey. You pretend to walk in slow motion so that they come down without hurrying. They run again as soon as they get down, making you laugh.

Downstairs, Wanda guides everyone to the kitchen table. You exchange a quick glance with her, putting your hands in your pockets.

"You're going to have lunch with us right?" Wanda asks with a smile. You bite your lip, thoughtfully. "Please say yes." She adds the request making you laugh lightly.

"But then I need to leave." You say with a raised finger in jest, Wanda smiles, nodding in understanding, and taking your hand to pull you into the kitchen.

Neither of you mind the look Pietro casts at your linked hands as Wanda leads you to the table.

//-//

Your week goes by very slowly.

At group therapy on Wednesday, Stephen brings games, and it is as much fun as any other time. Before you leave for lunch with Wanda, Stephen asks to speak with you both.

"I have some questions about your checklist." He says as the gymnasium empties out and you guys help him put the chairs away. "I noticed that you crossed out all the questions about grief." He begins, and you and Wanda exchange a look. "But of course it's okay, it's not a script to be followed really, it's just ideas to break the ice. And you guys are making progress, so as long as it's working for you, it's working for us."

"Stephen you are diverting from the subject." You grumble with your hands in your pockets, and the man laughs.

"Sorry." He says as he finishes folding the metal chairs in the corner of the gym. "I imagine you also realize that you have completed the vast majority of your monthly goals. With the exception of one."

You sigh, looking away. Stephen tries to smile to reassure you.

"I understand that this is difficult for you." He speaks again. "And you should also know that it's not mandatory, okay, but I would like you to try."

You swallow dryly, and it takes a moment, but you nod in agreement.

"I will." You say. "But I need time. I'm not going to drive off the first time."

"Don't worry about deadlines." He interrupts. "Find a way that works for you. Besides, you won't be doing this alone."

Stephen gives you both an encouraging look, and you take a deep breath trying not to overthink his request. When he nods in farewell, Wanda holds your hand and stands in front of you.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She asks and you smile, running your gaze over her face.

"Only if you stay with me."

She smiles. "I will."

You both walk outside next.

//-//

During the following week, you set small goals with Wanda regarding her house.

Wanda is always home alone in the morning, because the kids go to school. And since you don't do anything at home, you come to spend the morning with her.

On the first day, you leave her house five minutes before the time she usually pick up the kids. You smile, hug Wanda goodbye, and tell her she can take being alone for five minutes. She catches up with you at the front door, shaking as she hugs your back. You don't have the heart to leave her alone after that, and you go with her to pick up the boys at school.

On the second day, you try again. Five minutes of solitude. Wanda is nervous as you walk out the door, but she doesn't follow you. You smile proudly as you leave.

On the third day, you leave ten minutes early. And then fifteen. Then twenty. By the third week, Wanda can be alone for hours. On week four, you don't come.

Wanda calls you, laughing and crying, saying that everything is all right. That she can breathe, and that she is not panicking anymore. And you also cry and laugh while telling her that you are proud of her.

You have started writing again by then.

Because you needed to find something to keep you busy while you were at her house and Wanda worked from home with the administration of the flower shop, and she didn't mind you bringing some books and your laptop to try to write something.

For the first few days you just watched television, occasionally chatting with Wanda when she came to ask if everything was okay and if you were comfortable before going back to her study room. But then you run your fingers through the photographs of the house and get an idea about a small story. It's brief, and simple, but it's sweet and the first thing you've written in a long time. Wanda loves it when you show it to her, and you laugh shyly when she puts the paper on the refrigerator door.

You call Darcy the second week you are helping Wanda. Your colleague is happy to hear that you are working again, and even happier to hear that you will accept the contract. It's a quick thing, and the timing is good, just what you need to get used to again. Wanda sets up a second desk in her office and you smile in appreciation, saying that she would get tired of your presence like this, but she assures you that that would never happen. You enjoy having her company while you write.

Soon you tell her that you are ready to try driving again. And Wanda sighs, saying that she is also ready to go back to the flower shop.

You agree that after she drops the kids off at school, she will pick you up at home with her car, and you will go to the flower shop together. And you can try to drive her car on the way back.

"Everything okay?" You ask Wanda when you arrive in front of the establishment. The flower shop is very nice, even from the outside you can tell. It is a small brown building, with many vases and floral decorations outside, and a sign at the entrance. You can see Monica at the counter through the glass but she is distracted by a customer and doesn't notice you two at the door.

"Yeah, I just...I just need a moment." Wanda clarifies looking at you quickly. She takes a deep breath, and then enters.

"Wanda!" Monica greets you two cheerfully as soon as the customer leaves, and you two approach her around the counter. The woman quickly hugs Wanda, who laughs lightly. "I am so happy to see you here again. And look at that, I think even the flowers have cheered up."

You smile at the interaction, letting your gaze wander around afterwards.

Flowers are not exactly something you know well, but you think they are very beautiful. And you absolutely love photographs of flower arrangements, and flowers in nature.

"And how are you, Y/N?" Monica asks loudly, attracting your attention. You take your eyes off the white flower in front of you to smile at her.

"I'm good, Monica." You reply. "It's good to see you again. Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah." She says gently fiddling with some vases. Wanda disappears beyond the back doors, probably getting used to being around again. "It's been pretty quiet today, so I've had plenty of time to look around the web page."

You smile in understanding. You knew that Monica had an online store that she and Pietro ran, but you couldn't remember exactly what they sold, so you didn't comment on it. But you were glad to know that she was taking the time to check out the shop even though she was working at Wanda's flower store.

"Are you going to stick around today?" she asks next, and you put your hands in your pockets.

"I don't really know." You reply. "If Wanda stays then I'll stay."

Monica raises her eyebrows suggestively, impressed by your words. You feel your face heat up.

"B-because she's my ride." You clarify quickly, and Monica lets out a chuckle, turning to take a vase in her hands and move it around the place.

"Got it." She murmurs humorously.

Wanda joins you next, her purse was no longer with her, and you figured she was ready to work then.

"Mon, I'm going to stay in the back today, okay?" She says to Monica, who just nods encouragingly. Wanda looks at you hesitantly. "Is it okay if I leave you alone?"

You laugh lightly.

"Don't worry, Wands." You tell her. "I'm here for you. Do what you have to do."

"I'll keep you company, honey." Monica adds with amusement. Wanda laughs, glancing one last time at you before turning toward the office. You look at the other woman next. "Tell me, have you ever tended a garden before?"

//-//

You are washing the dirt from your hands when Wanda finishes. She was only inside the small office for at most three hours, much less than a normal workload, but you don't say anything and Monica doesn't care either.

After thanking Mon for teaching you how to grow a garden, you say goodbye to her with a kiss on the cheek, wishing her a good rest of her shift, and leave with Wanda from the flower shop. You were anxious because you are going to be in the driver's seat now.

Wanda left the car in the supermarket parking lot at the corner of the place, at this time the surroundings were relatively empty.

You two were standing facing the driver's door.

"Here we are." She said beside you. You took a deep breath.

"Here we are." You repeated her words.

Wanda slipped one of her arms around your waist, hugging you from the side, waiting for you to be ready to open the door. And it took a moment until you did.

As soon as you sat down in the driver's seat, Wanda turned around the car and got in, sitting next to you in the passenger seat.

Your heart was racing, and you were static. When you risked looking down, you had a flash of memories, and your breath hitched and your eyes filled with tears. Wanda noticed, and reached for your hand quickly. You sat there in silence for about forty minutes until you stopped crying.

"Sorry, I'm wasting your time." You muttered breathlessly, and Wanda shook her head, squeezing your hand and raising the other to make you look at her. She stroked your cheek tenderly as she spoke.

"Don't say that. I want to be here and help you." She whispers while wiping your tears with her thumb. "As you have done for me."

You sniffled, trying to smile a little. Wanda just looked at you as you closed your eyes, trying to normalize your breathing.

"Let's try again tomorrow, okay?" Wanda murmurs to you. You gasp slightly, agreeing.

Then you switched places, and Wanda drove you home. You mumbled a thank you, giving the woman a long kiss on the cheek before getting out of the car. You didn't notice how she squeezed the steering wheel and her face flushed when your lips touched her skin.

//-//

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda x you #wandaxreader #wandaxyou #wanda maximoff x you #sorry for your loss #marvel imagines #wanda x yn #wanda maximoffxreader #wandamaximoffxyou #wandamaximoffxfemreader

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years ago

Text

We Keep Going, That’s All

@whimpers-and-whumpers , this is for you. Hope your surgery goes well today!

CW: Aftermath of near-death, hospital whump, recovery whump, survivor's guilt, alcohol use, referenced drug use

Ryan shows up to the hospital with Coke bottles full of liquid that absolutely is not Coke - or not much of it, anyway - and Nate doesn't refuse the gift.

He twists off the plastic cap and takes a drink, wincing at the burn down his throat. "Jesus, Ryan, this is m-m-more Jack than Coke."

"Yeah, well. Figured we could use some relaxing." Ryan gives him a slight smile, and the bruising that's been along his jaw - the obvious press of fingers - is finally starting to fade. Off-white bandages ring his neck, hiding from direct view the deep, slowly healing gashes rubbed in by the iron collar he'd worn for a year.

There are other wounds, Nate knows, underneath the lightly-draped black t-shirt Ryan wears, under his effortlessly casual, perfectly-on-trend jeans.

There are deeper wounds still entirely underneath his skin, inside his head. Nate knows those even better. He doesn't begrudge Ryan the need to find some way to fuzz out the edges of what must be written in stark, bright blood in his memory.

Nate spent a year and a half doing the same, after all, before Bram came back for Danny again.

"How is he?" Ryan asks, settling into a hard wooden chair with plastic back and cushion in a dull pastel mauve. "Any different?”

"Then y-yesterday?" Nate exhales, slowly, rubbing at his unshaven jaw. The stubble prickles his fingertips, itches a little as it grows in. There's a razor in the private room's little bathroom, but he doesn't have the energy to use it. All of Nate's energy now is focused entirely around staying right here, being right here, for the rare moments that Danny is both awake and himself.

"Yesterday wasn't... great.”

"No, it wasn't." Nate sighs, leaning over in the chair he sits in, next to Ryan, reaching out with his good left hand to gently nudge a bit of wavy red away from over Danny's face.

The love of his life - the man he's killed for, twice, and would kill for again - lays on his stomach with his head turned to one side. The hospital blanket is pulled up nearly to his chin, hiding from view the fact that nearly all of Danny seems made of bandages these days, bandages and tubes and wires. He breathes slowly, a drugged deep sleep to let his body rest and try desperately to heal itself around the nearly-fatal place the knife went into his back.

He sleeps, more than he's awake. But Nate makes sure that when his eyes open, someone is here for him, every single time.

"Today has been a little b-better, I think," Nate says after a moment's though. He brushes a crumb from the corner of Danny's mouth. "He ate a l-little, this morning. Just Jell-O and a little bit of cereal, but...”

"But something." Ryan nods, takes another drink, looks out the window. Outside, the day is bright and sunny, with a cloudless blue sky. The courtyard below is full of visiting families and patients taking walks through the landscaped flowers, all of them in brilliant bloom. "Have you even left this room since we got here?”

"No." Nate doesn't bother to lie.

Ryan looks over at him, and smiles very slightly. "Remind me to bring you by some multivitamins do you don't die of Vitamin D deficiency.”

"I'm f-fine." Nate takes another drink, feels the warmth slowly spreading through his shoulders, relaxing the knots and tension that have been slowly building day by day. The 'bed' he has here is just a visitor's couch built into the wall, lumpy and hard, with exactly one flat pillow with a scratchy pillowcase. But he'd rather be here than anywhere else. He'll be here for every single second Danny needs him. "I eat oranges for breakfast every d-d-day. No sc-... sc-... scurvy for me.”

"Didn't we joke about scurvy once?" Ryan asks, slightly faintly, looking up at the ceiling. "After Danny came home the first time?”

"M-Maybe. Don't remember. Why do you c-care if I feel good, anyway?”

“My brother can’t fuss over you right now,” Ryan says with a casual shrug. “So someone has to. He’ll never let me live it down if anything happened to you while he’s here. I’ll get chewed out if you get so much as a headcold and we both know it.”

“I d-doubt-”

Danny shifts a little and both men go silent, watching him move in the bed - just an inch or so to the right, his eyes tightly closed, body tensing as even the slightest movement brings a wash of pain.

"It's okay," Nate whispers, and Danny's eyelids flicker, slowly open. The blue in them is hazy and clouded, but not empty. This time, at least, it's Danny who is looking at him, and not the other one, the one that Nate knows only as someone else. The one who runs Danny's body when Danny can't do it any longer.

"Hey," Danny says, in a hoarse whisper. He tries for a smile, and it's faded and wobbly, but it's there. Then he lifts his head a little, looking over to see Ryan. "Oh, you're both... here. How long was I asleep?”

"Four hours or s-s-so," Nate says, standing up - ignoring the twinge of pain in his bad knee - and moving the pillow under Danny's head to still support him even as he moves. A hint of freckled shoulder shows, with its swirling trace of scars from Bram's knife. There's a star carved into the back of his left shoulder that Nate did, at Bram's command, once.

Ryan's gaze be damned, Nate leans over to kiss it, and to kiss one by one the carved letters that are still there, faded, in the back of Danny's neck. A. D. N.

He tries not to feel the guilt that twists in him at the ownership Bram had meant to make obvious, there. His own first initial with Bram's initials, his own... his own culpability.

“How do you feel?” Ryan asks, leaning over close to Danny.

Danny’s nose wrinkles. “You smell like a liquor store.”

“Yeah, well. When your big brother scares the shit out of you by getting himself stabbed almost to death because of you, maybe you need a little pick-me-up now and then.” Ryan manages a half-cocked smile, but it’s fragile, and they both know it.

With a hiss of pain, Danny moves his hand up the bed, offering it to Ryan, who takes it without hesitation, leaning over so his forehead rests gently against Danny’s.

“I’m okay,” Danny whispers.

“No, you’re not,” Ryan whispers back.

Nate moves to sit back in his chair, then stands again, restless. He doesn’t want to sit there but he doesn’t know where he does want to be... until he looks at Danny, thin and dwarfed even by a small hospital bed. He sets down the mostly-jack-and-a-little-coke and climbs into the bed without hesitating, laying down behind Danny on his side, letting his good hand rest just next to a swirl of Danny’s hair on the pillow.

Danny’s smile widens - not that Nate can see that, from his vantage point. Although Ryan can. “I’ll be okay,” He corrects himself, watching his brother. “They said there’s no sign of paralysis. I’ll walk, I’ll probably even run after a while.” He tries moving and hisses again. “A long while. It’s going to be okay, Ryan.”

“You always were way more optimistic when you were high as balls,” Ryan whispers, and he and Danny laugh, until the action makes Danny whimper at a new spike of pain. “What do we do now, Dan, huh?”

“Keep going,” Danny says, voice low, barely audible even to the two men on either side of him. “That’s all. We keep going.”

“I keep thinking I should’ve died back there, ten times over,” Ryan murmurs. “But every single time, you took the pain for me. I should’ve died-”

“Nah. You’re my little brother. I need you here.” Danny manages to keep the smile, then, and his blue eyes are warm. “If you feel so bad about it, sneak me some of that booze next time, yeah?”

"Dan, I am not going to help you mix IV drugs and alcohol-”

“Just leave it in a really easy-to-reach place and I’ll help myself.”

“Danny. No.”

“Danny yes.”

“Daniel Michaelson-”

“Ryan Niall Michaelson-”

Nate’s rumbling laughter interrupts them. It’s such a rare sound that both of them go immediately silent when they hear it, and Danny even tries to look over his shoulder, gritting his teeth through the ache to see the smile on Nate’s face. It’s slight, nearly private - a smile barely noticeable by anyone who isn’t looking for it.

But Danny is, and through the fog of the painkillers still coursing through his system, he sees it.

“What?” Ryan says. “What’re you laughing at?”

Nate lays a hand over the star he once carved into Danny’s skin, and moves to rest his nose, just lightly, against the warmth of Danny’s neck, breathing in the scent of him under the hospital-smell that surrounds them. “Nothing,” He says, and Danny shivers a little as his lips move against the curve of the D at the back of his neck. “I’m j-j-just... realizing I’m g-going to listen to you two do this for the r-rest of my life.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Ryan’s voice is dry.

“No,” Nate says, eyes closed. He can almost feel them in the cabin, like this, just the two of them on days Bram was gone. Lying in the bed wasting the whole morning being warm, just them together. Warm and safe. It feels like being in Danny’s apartment during their year and a half of freedom, the way sometimes when Nate couldn’t get out of bed Danny would just stay with him, holding him, until the pain inside of Nate had lessened enough to let him stand.

Now it’s his turn to hold Danny.

@tiddiroki @whump-it @bleeding-demon-teeth @finder-of-rings @whumpywhumper @endless-whump @18-toe-beans @pumpkinthefangirl @goneuntil @swordkallya @astrobly @evermetnotforgotten @whumpiary @card-games-and-pain @raigash @whump-tr0pes @orchidscript @wildfaewhump @doveotions @eatyourdamnpears

#daniel michaelson's story #hospital whump #recovery whump #recovering whumpee #referenced stabbing #referenced drug use #alcohol use #caretakers #caretaker and whumpee #whump #aftermath whump #the bad arc #injured whumpee #survivor's guilt tw

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