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merakiaes · 4 years ago

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The One For Me - Aaron Hotchner

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader

Requested: By @nuvoleincielo

Prompts: #16, #30 and #63 from the fluff-list.

Warnings/notes: This is my first time writing for Hotch and Criminal Minds in general so please be patient while I get used to these new characters, might be slight OOC😭 It’s also the first piece I’ve written in a few months now and I’m a bit rusty, so please let me know what you think. Not proofread so I apologize in advance for any possible mistakes. Send in more requests for Hotch, Reid and Morgan and let me know if you want to be added to the Criminal Minds taglist! I hope you like it💕

Wordcount: 4118

Summary: Hotch has doubts about letting your relationship go further and you reassure him that he’s what you want.

After being raised in one of New York’s worst, most crime ridden and low poverty neighborhoods by a family who was constantly targeted by the law enforcement, the last thing you’d expect was that you would become an active worker of said law enforcement.

Your mother died ten minutes after giving birth to you and your father had never been a part of the equation, most likely having ran the second he found out your mother had gotten pregnant. With no other immediate family, you ended up in the system, where you were stuck for the first seven years of your life.

You jumped back and forth between families of all kinds but for reasons unknown, no one wanted to keep you. It wasn’t until a couple adopted you two days before your eight birthday that you finally felt like you belonged.

They had many children of their own as well as more foster children, all between the ages of ten and twenty-five at the time of your adoption. On top of that, the children had children of their own and aunts, uncles, cousins and friends stayed with you more often than not as they struggled to hold on to homes of their own.

It wasn’t the most ideal way to live, a dozen people staying under the same roof of a two bedroom house, but you had dinner on the table every evening and the love for family was strong, so despite the conditions you lived in and the struggles you were forced to face on a daily basis, you guessed you couldn’t complain; you’d had it better than most.

The people who lived in those parts were always getting pinned for various kinds of crimes, just so the police could get it out of their hands and go on about their lives.

The male members of your family and the company they kept were some of the biggest targets even though they rarely did anything wrong, but despite the injustices they faced every day, they remained respectful when staring in the face of a cop.

You, on the other hand, despised them. You were an outspoken little girl, too feisty for your own good and on more occasions than one, you’d ended up pissing off some rich kid in school for which your dad and uncles were forced to pay the price.

You’d always hated the injustice the less fortunate suffered every day, but it wasn’t until you witnessed your first murder at fifteen that your interest of making the world a better place really piqued.

The victim had been one of the boys living in your neighborhood. He was two years older than you and he always gave it his all to make something out of himself. He walked with you and your younger brothers and cousins to school every day to make sure you got there safely, studied hard, kept out of trouble and always remained respectful.

The only reason he died was because his skin was the wrong color in the eyes of the law and because he was born into a less fortunate neighborhood, and it was then your eyes truly opened to the police brutality and misuse of power plaguing your country.

You joined the police force when you were nineteen years old and you stayed there, on top of your game and determined to do it better than the bad ones, until you were twenty-one.

At that point, most of your family had passed away either out of old age, or simply from being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and your determination to help people was stronger than ever.

But even you, the tough little firecracker as your uncles had always called you, could only tolerate so much.

After two years on the force, you got tired of being undermined by your male co-workers and set out to step up your game, taking up studies of criminology and psychology among several other subjects.

You studied your ass off and was just barely able to get by with the money you had saved up over the years, and at twenty-four, you finally had your degrees and clearance to begin working in higher places.

Starting off in New York, you stayed there for six months before you were transferred to Quantico, Virginia, where you were recruited by the one and only Jason Gideon who had heard word of your talent in the field.

You had worked with the team for little over a year now and Jason, who had always acted as a kind of mentor and father figure for you, was gone, having left only a letter for you and Spencer each.

Taking his place was Aaron Hotchner, a fellow agent to which you hadn’t paid much personal attention before the departure of Gideon. But things changed when he left, a lot of things.

Hotch was fresh out of his divorce, moodier than ever and in a really bad mental state. He stayed in his office until the late hours of the night, sometimes even the early hours of the next morning, barely slept and often forgot to eat if he wasn’t reminded by his team members.

Everyone urged him to take some time off, to go home and get some sleep and to take care of himself, and although he always told them that he would, he never followed through.

Up until then, you still hadn’t spoken much with him except for when you were working on a case. You were just an agent and he was just your boss, there was nothing else to it. But you couldn’t just sit by and watch as he neglected himself, so you followed your team-mates’ example and approached him.

He dismissed you at first, like he had done everyone else who had tried to offer him their support. But as time passed by, in some miraculous way, you made him laugh, and as you continued your attempts on offering him your ear to listen, he opened up to you, and you grew to become more than just colleagues.

Your first and only date had been on your initiative. You invited him to dinner at your house during your weekend off, to which he agreed.

You cooked together and although it started off as kind of awkward – more from his side than yours – you ended up kissing later that night after having had a bit too much to drink, and fell asleep together on your couch while you were flicking through your childhood photo albums.

The next morning, he was gone. You had always been an extremely light sleeper so you found it strange that he had managed to slip off without alerting you and also having managed to wrap you up in a blanket before he left.

He didn’t leave without a word though. A note was neatly placed on the coffee table in front of you, on which he explained that he needed to pick up Jack and that he didn’t want to wake you, finishing it off with a thank you for the night before.

That was the first and last time you spent time together, just the two of you, but it wasn’t like it was intentional.

You wanted to do it again, to continue exploring the budding romance between the two of you and to see where you could take it, and although you knew nothing of his feelings, he wanted the same thing.

But work got very stressful; stressful to the point where you could never find a moment to talk to each other if it wasn’t in the presence of the entire team. But the spark between you wasn’t gone.

It was still there in the way he would let his hand hover above the small of your back when you were walking side by side and step in front of you if you were ever in danger, and in the way you would always take a second to ask how he and Jack was doing, if they were eating enough and getting enough sleep, whenever you were heading somewhere; no matter if the team was with you.

It was there in the way he would always encourage you to go on the less dangerous tasks while he took the ones that were more life-threatening and in the way he would always smile, the slightest of smiles, whenever you were exchanging jokes or sarcastic remarks with Morgan, or messing around with poor, clueless Reid.

It was there, but it was unspoken. At least until now.

The case you had been working on for the past two days was that of Gilbert Stratton; a serial killer who had targeted young women, killed them, drained them of their blood, and then proceeded to hang the bodies up by their feet in trees all around the city.

You had caught him just in time to save the last kidnapped girl and you had originally been the one assigned to question him, but Hotch had stepped in last minute after the man had made a crude comment about how ‘girls like you always tasted the best’.

You had attempted to tell him that you could take it, but before you had even been given a chance to state your case, he had shut the door in your face and you had been whisked off by JJ.

You were the one out of the entire team who was the most interested in the psychology of a serial killer so you really wanted to be the one to interview Stratton, but you knew that Hotch had taken over for the sake of your safety and not because he underestimated you, so you couldn’t even bring yourself to be mad.

While he did his job, you settled at your desk with a sigh, getting to work on the heft stack of paperwork that had been building up throughout the week.

The first ten minutes you kept close track of the clock next to you, wondering why it was taking so long, but the more time that passed, the more focused you became.

Soon enough, you only had a few reports left and you had completely lost track of time, when there was a sudden bang behind you, sounding an awful lot like a door slamming shut.

And your suspicions were proven correct, when you looked up to see Hotch march straight the bullpen.

The corners of your lips tugged up at the sight of him, but the arising smile quickly fell again when he walked right past you, without even an acknowledging glance, heading into his office and shutting himself inside without as much of a word to anyone.

Left behind with dumbstruck looks on their faces were the team, glances of bewilderment being exchanged.

“What happened?” Reid asked the question you were all thinking after a moment of silence, just as Emily walked in from the interrogation room.

Rather than answering Reid’s question, she looked right at you, offering you a small, comforting smile. “I think you better go talk to him.” She said simply, and as confusion and anxiety bubbled up inside of you, you slowly drawled.

“Okaaay…”

They all watched you as you stood up from your seat, brushing down your shirt and turning off the lamp at your desk before heading for the stairs.

You could feel their eyes following your every move and you would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous of what you were about to walk into.

Everyone had gotten negatively affected by a case or unsub at some point during their career, most more than once. They were all very good at getting into your head, no matter how little you wanted to admit it. But you had never seen Hotch react this strongly to anything before. The only time you had really seen him snap was during one single case, right after Haley had filed for a divorce.

Still, you kept walking until you reached his closed office door, stopping only then to peek inside the blinded windows to see him sitting at his desk, hands rubbing over his face.

You knocked on the glass gently and in any other case he would have looked up and meet your gaze, but when his head kept hanging this time, you let yourself in, only when closing the door behind you cutting off the curious eyes of the others.

Once you were inside, you wasted no time in approaching Hotch where he sat by his desk, analyzing his every move which led you to only one question.

What the hell had Stratton said to him to make him this distraught?

He didn’t even look up as you reached him, keeping his eyes closed as you came to a stop beside his desk.

Treading carefully, you reached out and gently put your hand on his shoulder.

“What happened?” You asked softly, the sound of your words instantly bringing a long, heavy sigh out of his nose.

“Why are you doing this?” He wasted no time in replying, causing a crease to form between your eyebrows.

“What?” You asked back, confusion lacing your voice.

Finally, he brought his hands down from his face and slowly spun around in his chair, forcing you to drop your hand from his shoulder and to take a step back.

He stared up at you, face wiped free of emotion as always. But the eyes said it all.

“Why are you so adamant on being with me? Why do you try so hard?” He questioned you, taking you by surprise.

Your eyebrows shot up and your eyes grew slightly wider, and you took a moment to regain your composure after the, to say the least, unexpected question.

“What kind of question is that?” You asked once you finally regained your senses. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you want to be with someone? Try?”

One of your eyebrows sank again, leaving only one raised in question.

Hotch’s face softened slightly and for a moment, he averted his eyes, letting out another, smaller sigh from his nose before looking back up to meet your eyes once again.

“What I mean is, why do you want to be with me?” He asked again, clarifying and slightly shaking his head in what seemed to be disbelief. “The second you walked into this office, both Morgan and Reid had their eyes on you, and they still do. They’re closer to your age, they’re energetic, humorous, full of life, while I’m ten years your senior, and can’t offer you what they can. So why do you want to be with me, when you can have them, or anyone you want?”

“What is it that they can give me that you can’t?” You didn’t waste a second in firing back.

You had no idea what had brought this on, but it was clear that it was bothering him and quite frankly, you found it ridiculous even though you didn’t like making it a habit to judge other people for what they were feeling.

“They can make you smile-“ He started explaining, and you instantly cut him off.

“You make me smile, all the time.” You shook your head, but your affirmation only seemed to fuel his frustrations even more as he was up on his feet within the next second.

“But I’m not- I’m not fun.” He stated, staring you down. “My clock is ticking. I’m ill-tempered, irritable, too serious for my own good. I’m barely capable of taking care of myself at this point much less my son. I’m miserable and I’m a bully, who only cares about this job. Why would you want to be with someone like that?”

“Where is this coming from? I thought we had something good going.” Your face fell slightly, and you carefully reached your hands out to grab a hold of the front of his suit, taking a small step closer.

“Is this because of Stratton? Is he the one putting these doubts into your head?” You asked, keeping your eyes on your hands for a short moment before looking up to meet his heavy gaze staring down at you.

And once your eyes met his, he knew there was no point in lying; you were a profiler after all, and a good one at that.

“He did.” He confessed calmly, his lips pursing into a straight line.

“Aaron…” You began, the softness of your voice matching the one in your eyes.

“But everything he said is true.” He quietly interrupted you. “I’m not fun to be around, I push people away. That’s what I do, what I’ve always done.” His eyebrows rose and he stood still.

You knew about the doubts he had about himself. You know he felt inadequate as a friend, as a colleague, as a father, and more than anything as a partner after the way Haley had left him. You were aware of all of it, and yet the sound of those self-doubts being voiced aloud saddened you nonetheless.

Silence fell over the two of you for a moment as you took another step closer, flattening your palms out on his chest and your eyes never leaving his.

“Those people didn’t deserve you in the first place. They knew what they were getting themselves into when they started building a relationship with you, whether it be a romantical or purely platonic one. They knew how passionate you are about your job, how much you value it. Them leaving… That’s on them, not you.” You said softly, shaking your head. “I’m not about to give up on you, on us, just because you happen to be a few years older than me. Derek, he wants to have fun, to be young. He may be attracted to me but he doesn’t want anything serious. Spencer isn’t ready for a relationship either, for obvious reasons, and either way, they’re not the ones I want.”

He watched you intensely as you spoke, lips still tight and strained. “What is it that you want?” He asked you, and you wasted no time in replying.

“Something serious and stable, someone who’s ready to settle down, and for me, the best chance to get that is through you.” You smiled, breaking your eyes away from his to follow your hand as you moved it up to his face. “Regardless of what other people say, you’re an amazing person. You’re passionate, driven, kind, loyal, gentle, and so much more. Despite what you may think, you do have a sense of humor and you’re the only one who can make me smile until my cheeks hurt. If that’s not a good man, a good person, then I don’t know what is. I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.”

By the time you finished, the remaining doubt was wiped free from his face, a small, gentle smile instead having taken its place.

It was a funny thing, Hotch only ever spared the tiniest of smiles, and yet it was them that brought you the biggest and most intense amount of happiness. It was so rare to see his ever-stoic features reflect joy that you couldn’t help but light up like a kid on Christmas every time it occurred.

And true to what you’d always been told growing up, your smile was just so contagious that he couldn’t help but to smile wider at the sight.

“Thank you.” He whispered, and visibly relaxed where he stood.

Your heart swelled in your chest when you took note of the way he was slowly but surely shuffling closer to you, picking up a significant amount of speed when you then felt his hand brush against the side of your hip.

But he didn’t dare touch you, hesitation still lingering in the air. So you did what your heart told you and grabbed a hold of his hand, and pushed it down into the curve of your waist.

From then on, he moved on his own, raising his other hand to mimic the same position at your other side, and you let your hand drop from his, instead raising them to busy with his crimson red tie.

“I know you’re struggling, with yourself, with Jack, and that you’re still processing the divorce. And if it’s time you want, then I’ll wait.” You spoke quietly, feeling your skin flush hot under his touch as his thumbs began to move over the thin fabric of your shirt. “But if you want to keep going and see where this can go, then I’ll be here every step of the way to support and help you in any way I can. You just need to let me in.”

More shyly then before, you dared loo back up at him through your lashes, hands stilling on his chest.

His smile was gone and his eyes creased together in concentration, but his eyes were soft and his head slowly nodded. “You’re right.” He said, and you allowed yourself to smile again.

“Aren’t I always?” You lightheartedly teased, tilting your head to the side.

In return, a smile spread across his face, his head shaking. “Don’t make me take it back.”

“No, no take-backs. What’s said is said.” You kept joking, your smile only widening.

He kept smiling down at you for a few seconds longer, but then his face fell again, just like that, out of nowhere, completely sudden. The gaze he held on your face grew absent as he got lost in his thoughts, and before you could question him about the sudden change of mood, the words spilled from his lips as if there was no tomorrow.

“I think I love you.”

Your mind instantly broke into a flurry of thoughts, countless emotions battling in your body. Nervosity and excitement ended up coming out on top, the mixture of the two creating an uncomfortable, sickly feeling in your stomach.

Your face fell in disbelief and your eyes searched his as he came back to reality.

“You do?”

Your voice came out so quiet and small, you mentally cursed yourself for sounding so pathetic, but luckily, you didn’t get much time to beat yourself up over the anticlimactic reacting as he continued.

“You don’t have to say it back if you don’t feel the same way, but I needed to say it. Every day, this job puts all of our lives in danger. I couldn’t bear it if one of us died before I got the time to let you know how I feel.”

You sucked in a breath, feeling yourself growing weak at the knees as he absentmindedly rubbed your waist with his thumbs.

“Just a minute ago, you were trying to end… whatever this is, and now your proclaiming your love for me?” You asked.

It was meant to be a joke, an attempt to ease the anxiety you were currently feeling, but you realized quickly that said anxiety made it sound like the exact opposite of a lighthearted, teasing joke.

Luckily, the man standing in front of you was a profiler and knew that you meant no harm, understanding how shock could render your ability to react appropriately.

“I was never trying to end what we have. I just wanted to be sure that you were sure. That I won’t be holding you back.” He explained, and you finally managed to pull yourself out of the state of shock.

“Being with you motivates me. And I love you, too.” You confessed, the smile once again returning to your face as you moved your hands from his chest to wrap around the back of his neck.

“I’m happy to hear that.” He smiled right back. “Can I kiss you?” He quietly added, and your face instantly lit up in a mischievous expression.

“In the office?” You gasped dramatically, bringing your arms down, taking a step back and lightly slapping his chest. “Aren’t you feeling frisky today?”

A large smile stretched across his lips, his chest shaking as he chuckled. “Come here.” He said simply, and before you got the chance to argue, not that you would’ve if given the opportunity, he sat back down in his chair and pulled you down with him.

The chair spun in the process, causing you to let out a squeal of surprise. Your arms wrapped around his neck and your small laughs of glee quickly became muted as he placed his lips on yours, replaced by low hums of contentment.

You clung to him as if your life depended on it, basking in the feeling of his lips moving against yours and his arms tightening around your waist, and as your entire body burned with passion, you realized that he really was the one for you.

Tagged: @must-be-a-weasley-92 @zizzlekwum @cozytruecrimeaddict @lovelynervouskingdom

(If you want to be added or removed from the tag list, send me a message, ask or leave a comment)

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner #hotchner imagine #hotchner x reader #hotchner #hotch #hotch imagine #hotch x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine #derek morgan #spencer reid

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renjunfromthestars · 4 years ago

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slow dancing in the dark

Pairing: Jeno + Reader bestfriend!Jeno

Genre: angst, best friend!au, College!au, Best Friends to Lovers! Au

Song recs: Slow Dancing in the Dark (Joji), Don’t Wanna Fall in Love (KYLE), Best Friend (Rex Orange County), EARFQUAKE (Tyler, The Creator), Apricot Princess (Rex Orange County). CAN’T GET OVER YOU (Joji), Me and Your Mama (Childish Gambino)

Word Count: 3.1k

Summary: You and Jeno have always had a complicated relationship, but time is running out

Jeno is in love with you, but can never express it the way he needs to

Notes: this one kinda hurt me to write ngl,,,I was real sad so I wrote it in one sitting

Please let me know what you guys think!!! I’m still pretty new to writing

---

Up until yesterday, it’s been months since you and Jeno have been in contact. Even though you go to the same school, you can’t help but think that he is avoiding you. If you’re going to be completely honest with yourself, he definitely is. Classic.

When you feel the slight pang of hurt ripple through your chest, you shake your head, trying to snap out of it. You rather not think about him right now. The 15 spotify playlists you embarrassingly curated denoting the emotional anguish of your most recent Jeno-filled-altercation was enough proof you’ve already spent too much time dwelling on this boy, who by the way, you’ve never even dated.

You have other things to worry about. College decisions are coming out soon, and it's absolutely imperative that you keep your grades in good standing. No school wants to accept a student just to find out that they’re a slacker. Better to be more upfront about you really are to the end, rather than to disappoint others later on.

Jeno’s idea of school is hitting his dab pen in the bathroom, and sitting through every class high. And apparently, his idea of romance is not doing anything about your ambiguous relationship, and telling you to break up with Jaemin after only a week into dating. It was unholy unfair to Jaemin, and it's not like he's had almost three years to tell you how he feels, only to always come whining to you when you’re with someone else. It was a little different last time though. This is your last year of high school, and you both know it. It’s unlikely you’ll ever have as much time to be with (or to avoid) him at such close proximity--you’re almost definitely going to college out of state. Jeno has told you many times your ass is smart enough to pull it off.

But that was months ago, things have since died down and there is no use dwelling on the past. You’ve cried enough tears, and you’re tired of waking up with puffy eyes that look like you have been stung by an angry bee hive because of it. According to Renjun, Jeno had stopped sulking in his library during his free period and started playing computer games with him again. See? It’s a thing of the past.

But that didn't stop you from occasionally calling him late at night in your many moments of weakness. I mean, it doesn’t really matter if you’re always met with a dial tone right? If he doesn’t pick up, it’s like you never called in the first place. The end always justifies the means.

You don’t know why it took you so long to figure out that if you really missed him that much, you should have probably just shot him a text instead of randomly calling him in the middle of the night. Jeno, like with school, is never prepared for anything. Even if he picked up, he’d probably just stay silent. It happened that one time he actually did pick up, both of you silent, not knowing to say in the moment (silence could also hardly be considered a phone call).

Looking down at your most recent conversation, you sigh. Even before things became so messed up, you valued his companionship. Things are obviously still tense between you two--you don’t know why you even try. Jaemin wouldn’t be too happy about it either.

...

“It just makes me feel like shit when I hear people telling me like, ‘Oh you stole Jeno’s girl.’. You’re my girlfriend, not his.” Jaemin scoffs. His grip on the steering wheel tightens, along with his hold on your hand.

In an attempt to soothe your angry boyfriend, you rub your thumb over your interlaced fingers soothingly. “I know, I know. I can’t help it if we have history Jaemin, people like to talk.”

“I had a talk with Renjun the other day about you and Jeno, and all the shit he was saying. I thought he was my friend.”

Although he was good friends with both boys, Renjun was admittedly closer to Jeno than Jaemin and there was more to his actions than it seemed just though looking at the surface. He was your closest mutual friend to Jeno, and knew more than anyone about the complicated relationship between you two--maybe a little too well. He respected the decision you made, but it was clear that he thought things should have ended differently.

…

When you first see Jeno outside of the glimpses you see in the school hallway, he looks different. His hair is styled differently, with the wispy blonde hair of his hair framing his forehead quite nicely.

Jeno’s eyes quickly flutter to the ground when you look at him, finding a sudden interest in the rocks on the ground. For a boy who treats his shoes like they’re his babies, he’s awfully unconcerned with the scuff marks that begin to appear on his Air Force Logos when he digs a rock into the ground.

“Where do you want to eat?” you ask, walking around him to open the passenger seat of his car.

Jeno looks like he regrets ever even agreeing to meet you for lunch in the first place, with his eyebrows furrowing and as indicated with the speed in which he gets in his new BMW.

“Chick-Fil-A.” He mumbles, pressing the start button on his car.

“Unbelievable. You want to go to Chick-Fil-A? ” you scoff. “We always go to Chick-Fil-A. Don’t you ever get tired of chicken?”

Granted, it’s been months since you’ve been there together, but you at least expected some variety. There’s been a lot of buzz about the Popeyes chicken sandwiches these days.

“No, but I get tired of you whining about my food choice when you asked for my opinion in the first place.”

And just like that, like old times, you both bicker on the car ride to Chick-Fil, this time about chicken sandwiches.

When you finally get to Chick-Fil-A, you manage to order your food without any major altercations, save a blazing glare you shoot Jeno when he says “Ranch is disgusting” when you ask for it to go with your nuggets.

As you sit down and dig into your food, you attempt to make small talk about your post high school plans.

“University of Buffalo?” you say with a mouthful of fries. “I thought you wanted to stay in state.”

“Yeah I do. But I thought it would be smart to keep some options open”

“Lee Jeno, keeping his options open? Being prepared?” you tease.

His cheeks flush in embarrassment, and you can’t help but admire how pretty he looks, with sunlight shining on his frame. His lashes are long, and with the way the light is hitting his face, his brown eyes are like pools of dark honey.

Suddenly becoming hypersensitive to the boy in front of you, and you quickly change the subject.

“How’s your cousin Jinyoung? I haven’t seen him since I last visited your aunt’s restaurant. He was nice enough to me some free dishes off the menu. I told him he needs any help with his college applications he can ask me.”

Jeno stays quiet, picking at his food as you blab about his cousin. Although you’ve only met him once when he came to visit from New York City, he was a sweet boy and you guys kept in contact. Dismissing it as part of Jeno’s natural propensity towards being quiet, you chatter on for a little while longer until you ask him, “why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Jinyoung died four months ago.” He says in a low voice, lowering his gaze to his lap.

Although there were a handful of others eating their lunch in the restaurant, you can barely process the background chatter as a small noise begins to ring in your ears. “What happened?”

“He was diagnosed with cancer, but he didn’t really tell anyone, ” he said in between sips of his drink . “he was in remission for a while but it came back really bad.”

“He has a younger sister right? It must be hitting her really hard.”

Jeno stays quiet as you fall silent, fidgeting with your fingers on the wooden table. Both of you don’t have much to say as your eyes begin to water in the middle of a Chick-Fil-A.

Jeno places his hand over yours in comfort as he looks out the window. Life is short, and you can’t help but think how much time you have with him.

...

Weeks pass, and although Jaemin isn’t exactly overjoyed about the fact that you’ve been seeing Jeno regularly again, he accepts it as what he understands it is--two friends reconciling and just hanging out, which you are eternally grateful for. The issue is that being friends with Jeno is never being just friends. You two have too much history for that. Everyday, the bottled feelings left unresolved over the years are at risk of exploding at any moment--it’s only a matter of time.

You know you’ve got it bad when you find yourself checking your phone for his messages, or smiling at the thought of him. It’s everything--from the way he picks you up in minutes after an argument with your mom, to the way he drapes his heavy lined jean jacket over you during a particularly cold night. No matter how hard you tried to suppress it, or how much you thought it would work, it was already over from the start. Even earlier when you two acted like strangers and the days you never even thought onnce about him, he was still in your dreams at night. But this time, Jeno is very much real, and alive in the flesh in front of you. And you don’t know if you want to admit to yourself that these feelings for Jeno are also very much real.

You finally decide to tell him when college decisions come out, after you get into your dream University. Graduation was nearing and it meant new beginnings. No matter how deeply rooted Jeno was in your heart, you needed to let go of the things that were holding you back. At least, it's what you’re telling yourself.

“Jeno...” your voice falters, “I can’t keep doing this with you..”

There’s an unspoken understanding between you two as Jeno runs his fingers through your hair to soothe you, and tells you not to cry while you cry. It’s the middle of the night when you tell him you love him. You should be home. You should be with Jaemin.

On the car ride home, Jeno stays silent.

…

Jeno calls you when you get home to check on you. When you start to cry again he stays silent for a moment.“Don’t be sad’ he murmurs. We have a lifetime to figure things out.”

You only cry harder at his words.

When your sniffles begin to subside, and you’re sound asleep in no time (not a surprise to Jeno, considering all the emotional turmoil you’ve faced tonight) Jeno sighs. He can’t help but feel selfish. Every time you tell him you want nothing more for him to be happy, Jeno’s moral compass can’t help but tear a little at the seams. You seem unaware that to him, happiness is being with you. But Jeno can’t have you. He knows that. They say that if you really love something, you need to let it go. But this is something he isn’t ready to let go of just yet.

A few weeks ago when you two went out to eat, he notices that he always lets you choose the song on the way there, and what you want from the menu.

“You know all the things we’re ordering are yours right?”

You begin to apologize, but you’re soon distracted by the special drink menu the waiter drops on the table.

When your eyes light up at the silly lightbulb boba drink you plan to take home to your sister, Jeno just sighs and pays for the meal.

On the car ride home, your shared favorite songs play, and he doesn’t say a word to you. Jeno isn’t the best driver, and you vocalize that by nearly blowing his ear off when he brakes a little too fast at the red stop light. When you grab his hand for support, he lingers a little longer before he lets go. Like usual, he panders around your neighborhood when your house draws close, purposely taking the long way home. Jeno thinks about it some more when he waits for you to walk through the door of your house before driving off.

Jeno always tells you he loves you when it’s too late. When you get your first boyfriend, he gets a girlfriend and tries to forget about you. It’s painfully obvious how he feels when he not so jokingly tells you to dump that “skinny bean pole” for him. He hates himself for taking you for granted when you broke up with said boyfriend around the time his girlfriend dumps him, telling him “I know you just aren’t happy”. For telling Renjun “Don’t worry about it, I know she loves me.” when he tried to warn him about Jaemin’s budding romance with you, even pleaded for him to make his move. It seems that everyone knows what to do with his feelings better than himself, and all he knows how to do is reap the consequences.

He usually doesn’t have much to say. But tonight, over the phone, he tells you that he loves you. He tells you that he sees you in his future, and to him, you’re like no other. Jeno tells you that he knows you never meant to hurt him, but he’s been hurting for a while, and he can’t stand to see you with someone else.

But you’re asleep, and you can’t hear him. For the longest time, Jeno has wanted so badly to show you his whole heart. This situation you two are in isn’t what he wants and he knows you feel the same. He wants to stop being on his Mac Demarco shit, to man up and tell you clearly how he really feels, and maybe, have you be his girlfriend, you know-- instead of messing with some other guy’s girl.

Even through all of this, Jeno has learned a little secret about love. To love you was never about having you.

...

Twirling in your red dress, your arm wraps around Jaemin’s neck. It’s prom, and graduation is right around the corner. Smiling, you think to yourself that you have finally succeeded, the end is near. Laughing, gazing, looking up at a face smiling back. But for a split second, you don’t see Jaemin’s face in front of you. You see Jeno.

The memory of the first day, when his laugh over the phone meant something more to you. His voice brings about some of the happiest times you’ve ever known. Memories of the small moments--late nights--a soft smile--a teasing voice--the warm heat on your face in the midst of a teasing comment, and a boy with a subtle charm to find the way through.

Spontaneous trips and laughter, the occasional periods of silence when the both of you were fed up--people who understood you two, but only enough to get in the way.

The light nod of your head when it first found its way to your shoulder, and the dull feeling of yearning it left when it was gone.

You’re at a children’s playground, and you whine about wanting to fly a kite even though you’re nearly 18. Jeno teases you for being a kid, and for even trying when there was hardly any wind out. When you suggest that he run from behind and try to fly the kite with you, you scold him for the third time that it would only work if he ran slower than you. Jeno laughs and you feel your heart tug a little.

You’re devastated, and when Jaemin asks you if something is wrong, all you do is rest your face in the crook of his neck. You don’t want him to see you crying. You hate yourself for doing this to him. You’re not really a religious person, but sometimes at night, staring into the darkness and slightly trembling, you ask God to make it stop. It hurts. You don’t know how it feels for Jeno. You knew every decision you would make wouldn’t be fair to anyone. What do you do? How will you know? Will you ever know?

You don’t want to admit that might have known all along. You know you’ve known all along. To you, there is no one like Jeno. There is no one like him you’ve ever met that has made you feel this way, and if you weren’t with him, then you would spend your entire life searching in vain. You want to be with him so badly, that when you think about it, your heart grows impossibly heavy. But at the same time, you feel free. The timing is never right. You’re with the wrong people. You’re doing it all wrong. He’s doing it all wrong. We’re doing it all wrong.

You can’t stop thinking about him in the most difficult way. When you suppress him consciously, he shows up in your dreams, smiling, glowing. Ruffled hair, eye smile and all. You can’t help but think about him every night, and when you see something that reminds you of him. Jeno reminds you of everything sad, everything hard, and at the same time, everything easy. He makes your heart feel so heavy, but also at peace. When he told you that you two had a lifetime to figure it out, you want to believe that if it was meant to be, it would happen. But that’s the hardest part. You don’t know what will happen.

Right now, you know one thing, and you know that you love him. You love him so much it brings you to tears. It makes your hands tremble, your body tremble, your heart tremble. You have such a love for Jeno that even if it wasn’t meant to be you wouldn’t care. You want Jeno to be happy. You want him to be healthy, not do stupid shit, and you want him so badly to love you too, and it would be okay if that didn’t happen. You’ve been delaying it-- you always say to yourself and everyone else you need time. You’ll sit on it, think about it, leave it for later. But it’s been months, and years, and you’re right back at the starting point.

Everytime you tried to convince yourself you weren’t in love, it felt like a dark shadow would cast over you. Because every time you tried to convince yourself you weren’t in love, you realized every bit of you knew you were.

Jeno is your best friend, part of your happiness, and he is your first real love. It’s something you can say with a certainty you’ve never had before.

…

Jeno can feel his heart tear into shreds when he sees you and Jaemin so close. You look beautiful. So beautiful. You’re going away to your dream college and he’ll be many, many miles away from you. Jeno’s cheeks prickle with warmth as his eyes begin to dappen. His heart sinks, just to bobble back up with an expected disbelief. He thought he knew what was coming.

“There are other things to do without me.” he had told you in the car that night, but the truth is, Jeno doesn’t want to do anything without you. He’s loved you since he met you, and he’s not quite sure that will ever change.

It always hurts. but that's because love isn't perfect, Jeno thinks. He may move on days from now, maybe weeks from now, and could realize he never really loved you.

If he truly loves you, it's never going to be okay, but it will get better. It will get easier. He will be able to go on.

You might creep into his mind years from now when he finally thought he was over you.

And that's okay, that's what love is.

It's when his memories come back to him 5 years later, when he wonders how you're doing, maybe if you think about him a little too. But it won't hurt nearly as much and he will realize all that heartbreak did something to heal him.

It's always hard, he thinks, as he walks out of the Prom venue. But he promises himself that it will always get easier.

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rollercoasterwrite · 5 years ago

Text

I’m So Curious [Chapter 1]

Part 1 of my story written for Jjong’s Month and for my lovely Dee @jjongyyu

Here are the ones I wrote last year : Just For A Day & Love Is So Nice

Prompt : Jjong is a college student with tight money, but manages to get into a prestigious uni where he becomes friends with Taemin. One day, Tae asks him to go out on a blind date with his cousin Jinki, a notable lawyer who still hesitates about dating someone. Jjong refuses, but the amount of money Tae offers is a sight he can’t ignore. Jinki adores him immediately and after several dates, Jonghyun falls in love with Jinki, but he doesn’t know how to tell Jinki about his agreement with Tae.

Pairing : Jongyu

Genre : romance, some fluff, probably angst, smut eventually XD

TW : I don’t know if it’s really triggering to anyone, but Jjong curses a lot in this one and is kinda crude so yeah at least you have been warned. XD

Word Count : 6500 ~

Links : AFF & AO3

Special thanks to Cheryl for being my beta and making it possible for me to release part I before the month ended.

"What's your type?'' The blonde cocked an eyebrow. ''What has that got to do with anything?'' The brunette shrugged. ''Just wondering...'' He said, giving his straw another mindless chew before going on. ''I've just never seen you show interest in anyone.'' The other frowned, confused.

''Again, why did that pop up in your mind just now?'' ''Jeez, can't I just ask a question?'' the younger one retorted, frustration now edging his tone. '' I know you, Tae,'' the blonde immediately clapped back. ''You never just ask a question.'' His statement had the other snorting in indignation.

''Is that really what you think of me, Jjong?'' ''Yes,'' the blonde squarely replied before taking another sip of his iced coffee. He watched as his friend settled into grumpy mode with a scoff and a determined cross of the arms. He couldn't help but puff out laughing at the childish display. ''I know you'll eventually spill it…'' Jonghyun taunted, lopsided smile dancing on his lips. ''I hate you,'' Taemin spat with spite that only manifested when he didn't get his way. ''Good luck with that,'' Jonghyun replied with a chuckle. A sense of victory swelled in his chest as he watched his friend struggle to come up with a comeback. The silence gave him some time to look around the nearly empty café they regularly visited to get some school work done or chat. He could never stop himself from taking in the peaceful setting, even though he’d probably seen it a million times now. With its white-framed casement windows that let the natural light in, its bare white walls opening up the space, the various-sized potted plants adding life and color around them, and the rustic furniture that contrasted so perfectly against all the light, it just felt to him like his little corner of paradise. It was even more beautiful now that the setting sun bathed the space with dancing lights of pink and orange. If the moment wasn't already perfect, the warm and full aroma of fresh coffee filling up the space left not even a modicum of place for discontent. Jonghyun felt good, and not even the sight of his friend's disgruntled expression was going to change that. ''Can I order us another round of coffee or are you just going to storm out like a little bitch and leave me hanging?'' he half-asked, half-baited. Taemin's gaze narrowed at the jab. Jaw tense, he replied, ''Call me a little bitch one more time and that coffee will end up in your face.'' '' I'll take that as a yes for the coffee then, '' Jonghyun concluded, not at all fazed by the other's threat.

He knew of his friend's evil ways, but for some reason, the latter seemed to know there was no point trying anything with him.

As soon as they received their refill of iced coffee, the younger one seemed to relax and, soon enough, he was back on topic. ''Jjongie...'' he cooed, shifting into his characteristic charmer mode. ''No.'' Jonghyun didn't need to hear the rest. He already knew he wasn't going to like it. ''You don't even know what I was going to say," Taemin whined with pouting lips. ''Right, but I already know my answer.'' ''What if I was just going to ask for a ride home?'' the fluffy-haired brunette argued. ''But you weren’t, so cut the crap,'' Jonghyun bluntly dismissed. He caught the glare that his friend shot him before he took in more caffeine.

The younger one's frustration soon turned into a desperate sigh, signalling he was about to crack open. ''Look, I need a favor,'' he finally revealed. ''Ask Kibum,'' Jonghyun indicated. The younger one scrunched up his nose in disgust.

''Ew, no. Just imagining them...'' The retching gesture that followed wasn't enough to distract the blonde from what he had just caught in the other's unintentional admission. ''Them?'' he echoed, confused. ''Who is the other person?'' Taemin froze at that, the only movement perceptible being that of his furious blinking.

''Tae??'' Jonghyun called out as confusion and nervousness simultaneously grew inside him. ''Yeah, um...'' the brunette cleared his throat. ''The other person's my cousin,'' he finally said. Jonghyun frowned deeply.

''What's your cousin got to do with anything? '' ''He has to do with the favor I need from you,'' Taemin outlined before deflecting his attention to his chewed-up straw. ''The fuck?'' the older one exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his friend. It was a few more seconds before the other stopped his balancing act of chewing on plastic and drinking. ''You know my cousin, Jinki, that I sometimes talk about?'' Taemin started. ''You mean, that you always talk about, '' Jonghyun rectified, not without an edge of annoyance to his tone. ''That is not true,'' the other instantly countered. ''Riiight,'' Jonghyun derided. “I must be imagining all these times you've been going on about something he said or did.''

''No, you're not. But it's definitely not all the time.'' If there was something that Jonghyun had come to learn about the beautiful young man he spent a lot of his waking hours with, it was that he was incredibly stubborn. Jonghyun had seen that attribute work in amazing ways, especially when it came to his dancing skills. But he had also seen it work in the most annoying and infuriating ways, and this moment was definitely more proof of that. ''Whatever,'' Jonghyun brought himself to say to avoid any blood being shed on the beautiful table between them. ''Anyway,'' Taemin went on. ''Jinki's been feeling lonely and I thought I should help him out a bit, you know, since he's helped me so much throughout the years.'' ''Are you going to suck his dick or something?'' Jonghyun couldn't help but voice. ''Eeeeew,'' the younger one all but yelled. ''He's my cousin!!'' ''The way you get all excited whenever you talk about him makes me wonder sometimes... '' ''You're fucking gross, Kim Jonghyun.'' That made the blonde's eyebrow cock. ''Interesting...'' he mused. ''What?'' ''Seems like I hit a sensitive cord,'' Jonghyun noted matter-of-factly. ''Stop that,'' the brunette said in his most authoritative tone, which didn't feel that convincing to the other. ''Don't worry about it, Tae. Apparently, that happens between cousins more than we think.'' The death stare he received made it hard for him to keep a straight face, the tickling edge of laughter bringing a twitch to his lips. ''I swear... '' Taemin grumbled as a visible clench graced his jaw. He forced himself to roll his tongue in his mouth a few times like his mom had taught him as a kid before resuming. ''I need you to go on a date with him.'' ''No. '' Jonghyun didn't even need to hear more. He wasn't going to entertain any of it.

His response had the other sighing deeply. ''I knew it would play out this way,'' Taemin indicated as he looked straight into the older one's eyes. ''That's why I'm ready to pay.’' ''Excuse me??'' Jonghyun loudly exclaimed. The other's silence and serious expression only got him more riled up. ''Do I look like a fucking prostitute to you?'' ''I'm not asking that you have sex with him. I just want him to get back into the dating scene,'' Taemin calmly explained. ''That's cool and all, but why me?'' Jonghyun had no choice but to ask, bewilderment splashed all across his face. ''I feel like you two could get along,'' Taemin answered. ''Plus, he's always had a thing for petite guys.'' ''I'm not petite,'' Jonghyun growled, gaze turning dark. ''Fine, you're a fucking mountain,'' Taemin conceded with a slight eyeroll to spare himself a pointless argument. ''Look,'' he quickly followed with. ''You just have to go on one date and in return, you won't have to be so stressed out about money all the time.'' The tension that had settled on the blonde's face morphed into another look of disbelief. ''Are you actually hearing yourself right now?'' ''Yes, I hear myself just fine,'' Taemin replied without shame. ''Sex or no sex, what you are asking of me is still prostitution,'' Jonghyun pointed out bluntly. ''No,'' Taemin squarely countered. ''I asked for a favor and you said no, so I'm adding money into the mix so that it's still a win for you in the end.'' ''I can't accept your money.'' ''Yes, you can, and you will.'' The blonde gave him a wide-eyed stare.

''The fuck?'' The brunette sighed.

''I know you've worked really hard to get to where you're at, but you deserve to have some space to breathe. That's what I'm really offering you,'' he added for emphasis. Jonghyun was at a loss for words. He knew Taemin meant well, but that whole deal didn't feel right. On the flip side, getting some extra money would definitely alleviate the burden he carried with him all the time. Getting into his dream school had been a big part of the battle, but actually being able to pay all the fees that came with studying there was a strenuous challenge in itself. He could only do so many hours of work without it affecting his grades and he had already reached that limit. ''Like I said, I only ask for one date,'' Taemin reiterated. ''And you can consider this whole semester dealt with.'' If Jonghyun's eyes could've grown any bigger, they would have at that moment. ''You're tripping...'' That made the younger one laugh. ''I've actually had time to think this through,'' Taemin informed him. ''So I understand if you need some time to think about it, too.'' ''I...'' Jonghyun's eyes darted towards his half-filled cup as his mind mulled over the offer. He knew he should stick to his no, but Taemin had effectively spoken to the part of him that ached for some relief. ''I'll think about it,'' he finally said as he brought his gaze up once more. Taemin grinned. ''Thanks, Jjong.'' In that moment, a lump of nervousness formed in the blonde's throat. He realized he had just sealed the deal.

***

I can’t believe I’m doing this, he thought as he stared at the restaurant’s elegant façade.

It was probably now close to ten minutes since he had parked on the other side of the street, building up the courage to follow through with the offer his evil best friend had made him.

He still couldn’t believe he had agreed to it, but here he was, all dressed up, black dress shirt and black pants sticking to him like a second skin and the shaggy bangs that usually covered his forehead now slicked back with some gel to make himself look a bit more presentable. He had even traded his worn-out pair of converse shoes for polished leather loafers. The only thing that had been a non-negotiable for him was the tie. He felt like a fraud, but having agreed to do this, he wasn’t just going to half-ass the task at hand. Despite everything, he still didn’t want to make a bad impression on his best friend’s cousin.

He hated to admit it, but he was nervous. He didn’t know what to expect or what to do, or even what to say. This could be a whole disaster, and if it was, he knew Taemin would never let him hear the end of it. He didn’t do dates and he didn’t do formal wear. But again, here he was, getting ready to play the part.

I’m fucking pathetic.

He dropped his bare forehead onto the steering wheel, rapidly losing all resolve he had mustered up on his way there. He could’ve pretty much stayed in that position for the rest of night, but the sudden buzzing of his phone in his pocket jolted him back upright.

He looked at his screen and his heart jumped. He couldn’t hide anymore.

''Hello?'' he answered as his body temperature jumped up a few degrees.

''Am I speaking to Jonghyun?'' the voice at the other end uttered.

The blonde froze for a moment, taking aback by the soft but deep tone that had just graced his ear.

''Hello?''

''Y-yes, it’s me,'' Jonghyun stammered despite himself.

Fuck. They hadn’t even met yet and he was already screwing this up.

''Hi, it’s Jinki. Taemin’s cousin,'' the other man went on.

''Ah, yes. Nice to- I mean, um-''

He cut himself off, realizing whatever would come out of his mouth now would just further embarrass him.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

His obvious clumsiness was apparently amusing to the other one because he suddenly laughed.

And that laugh did nothing to help Jonghyun recover brain cells.

''I’m already in the restaurant. Are you here yet?'' Jinki asked.

''Um, yeah… Well, I’m just outside. I’ll be right there,'' Jonghyun answered.

''Okay, well I’m in a dark grey suit and I’m wearing glasses,'' the other informed.

''Cool,'' Jonghyun uttered as he tried to form an image of what the other looked like.

''So…''

The sound of the other’s voice brought him back to reality. He instantly gave himself a mental kick for getting lost in his thoughts.

''Yes, um, okay, I’ll be hanging up now,'' he indicated before doing exactly that.

Okay, Jjong. You’re already making a damn fool of yourself. Get it together.

He took a few deep breaths before finally turning off the car’s engine and stepping out into the mild weather.

For a moment, he thought about bailing out and getting back into the car, but he knew how much of an asshole that would make him feel like. And he definitely was no asshole. Plus, he couldn’t help but think about the money involved.

Well, maybe that made him an asshole.

He managed to push back all of these thoughts in favor of finally getting himself past the entrance door. Hand on the handle, he pushed it open and stepped inside, relinquishing his fate to the wicked hands of the universe. He barely had time to look around when his eyes fell on a sight he was sure he’d never forget.

Jonghyun froze midstep as his gaze took in a gorgeous man whose clothes fit the description he had received a few minutes earlier.

''Jinki?'' he managed to utter despite feeling like his whole nervous system was about to collapse on him.

The man’s face lit up at the sound of his name and as soon as their eyes met, he flashed him a stunning smile.

''Jonghyun!'' he reciprocated enthusiastically as he took a few steps towards him.

It took Jonghyun everything not to step back and run out through the door. This was definitely worse than he had expected. The man was… A few words popped up in his mind, all of them just making it harder for him not to lose his composure.

''Happy to meet you,'' the brunette said before bowing before him.

Jonghyun returned the gesture, bending further down, since he was the younger one.

''Happy to meet you, too,'' he echoed once he rose back up.

He tried a smile, but it felt too forced, too staged. If there was something Jonghyun wasn’t good at, it was definitely acting.

''Have you ever been here before?'' Jinki promptly asked.

''Um, no…'' Jonghyun answered, slightly embarrassed.

He had done his research earlier that week when Taemin had sent him the address only to learn that this restaurant was one of the finest in the area. He could barely afford the essentials so there was no way he had any extra to be visiting these places. Nor did he ever really have any interest to.

''Ah, it’s okay,'' Jinki reassured with a softer but equally dashing smile. '' I’m glad this is your first time. ''

Jonghyun froze again, eyes wide, as his mind ran straight to the gutter with the other’s words.

The latter seemed to notice as he suddenly chuckled nervously, ''That probably didn’t come out right. I’m sorry.''

Jonghyun’s eyebrow cocked as he stared at the other. Is he for real?

The subtle blush he caught on the taller one’s face told him that it was indeed an honest mistake.

''I’m- I’m sorry…''

Jonghyun instantly felt bad. He was the one catching double entendres where there was none.

''Don’t be, please,'' he implored. ''I’m sorry, it’s me… I’m being a little weird …''

The brunette seemed to relax at that. Retrieving his smile, he said, ''This is a little never-wracking, huh?''

''Yeah,'' Jonghyun admitted as he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.

''Well, it’s nothing a little alcohol can’t fix, right?’' Jinki playfully remarked.

That made the blonde laugh.

''Definitely.''

Any words he would’ve said next died in his throat as the brunette’s eyes zeroed in on him in a focused and extremely unnerving way.

''Um… should we go to our table now?'' he found the courage to say as he deliberately avoided the other’s intent gaze.

That fortunately was enough to snap the other out of whatever trance he had been in.

''Yes, of course,'' he replied, quickly clearing his throat.

They first stopped at the front desk, Jonghyun just tagging along as Jinki gave the elegantly clad lady before them his name for the reservation. She then led them into the restaurant, walking them past the tables until they reached the back where a beautifully set table awaited them.

Along the way, Jonghyun had stolen glances around, taking in the contrasting elegance of the furniture with the robustness of the ceiling-to-floor pillars that gave the space more character and charm. He was even more pleased by the warm lighting that completed the portrait like icing on a cake, giving the room an intimate vibe.

Once the lady had finished setting the menus on the table and another came in to fill up their glasses with water, they sat, finding themselves alone.

''So, what’s your poison?'' Jinki immediately asked.

The blonde’s brow cocked.

''Shouldn’t we be ordering some expensive wine or something?''

''We could, if that’s what you want, but I’d rather you tell me what you like,'' Jinki indicated.

For some reason, that was enough to make Jonghyun’s heart jump inside his chest again.

''Um, well… I don’t drink often, but I really like rum,'' he shared as he tried not to linger on his body’s unsolicited reaction.

''Great,'' Jinki exclaimed as his face lit up even more. ''That’s my favorite.''

Immediately after, he gestured to one of the waiters in sight and ordered two glasses of a brand of rum Jonghyun was sure he had never tasted before. The order was served to them a few seconds later, the golden-brown liquid swaying beautifully inside the clear glasses.

Jinki was the first to pick up his glass.

''To a beautiful evening,'' he softly said as he lifted it.

''To a beautiful evening,'' Jonghyun reciprocated with a small smile before they both brought their glasses to their lips.

The taste that graced the blonde’s tongue was a perfect mix of strong, velvety, and sweet, making it impossible for him not to moan from contentment.

''That is the best rum I’ve ever had,'' he enthused, before realizing the other’s gaze had changed again.

He didn’t know what it was, but he could definitely feel himself tense up because of it. Fortunately, he didn’t have to speak this time for the other one to get back into conversation.

''I would have to agree with that,'' Jinki finally said with a smile.

''I’m guessing everything here is great, huh?'' the blonde gathered.

''Yeah, I’d say so,'' Jinki confirmed. ''Although…'' he went on immediately after, ''I pretty much always order the same thing, so I’m probably not the best person to ask,'' he admitted in a somewhat apologetic tone.

''What’s your order?'' Jonghyun asked with genuine interest.

''Their duck confit.''

The blonde stared blankly at him for a few seconds as his mind tried to figure out whatever that could be.

His confusion must’ve shown clear because the other chuckled before saying, ''It’s basically duck cooked in its own fat.''

Jonghyun grimaced at that.

''That doesn’t sound very appetizing to me.’'

''I can understand,'' Jinki said with another soft laugh. ''So what kind of food do you usually enjoy?''

''Um… pretty simple stuff I guess,'' Jonghyun answered, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

The brunette acknowledged those words with a nod.

''To be honest, I just love to eat, so give me anything and I’m in.''

The blonde snorted out a laugh at that.

''Sounds like Taemin.''

He was answered with a broad smile.

''I guess we have some things in common.''

Yeah, a stunning face seems to be one of them, Jonghyun replied in the safety of his mind.

''By the way, I’ve been curious to know how you two became friends,'' the older one went on as he picked up his glass again.

''Oh, that…'' Jonghyun uttered mindlessly. ''I don’t know if it’s a funny story or if it’s just really cringy…''

''Now you have me even more intrigued,'' Jinki prodded with a grin.

''Well, if you must know,'' Jonghyun started, realizing this was another chance for him to get back at the little brat. ''I first met him at a school party last year. I didn’t want to go in the first place, but a friend of mine insisted, so I tagged along. When we arrived there, my friend quickly abandoned me for a girl, leaving me alone in the midst of hundreds of strangers. At that point, I was just going to leave, but someone approached me. At first, I thought he looked cute, but as soon as he started talking, I could see he was pretty far gone. He said a lot of things, things that could’ve gotten him in deep shit if he had said them to any other guy. ''

''Oh god,'' Jinki suddenly interjected as a look of worry settled on his face.

''Don’t worry, this ends well,'' Jonghyun reassured with a small laugh.

''Good, please continue.''

''So, like I said, I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t help but fear what might happen if I left him there. I ended up asking him to follow me and we got out. Then I asked where his dorm room was, but he never managed to tell me, so I brought him back to mine. I got him into bed and he immediately fell asleep before waking up a few minutes later and puking all over the floor. He didn’t even seem to notice though, because he went right back to sleep after that. And then the next morning, once he was alert enough that I could walk him through what had happened, he apologized, thanked me a million times and hung around for the rest of the morning. I still didn’t understand what his deal was, but it felt weirdly comfortable to have him there. And then, I guess it just picked up from that.''

''That’s Taemin’s charm for you,'' Jinki acknowledged with what seemed like a prideful smile.

Jonghyun snorted again, ''Yeah, I guess.''

A full laugh rolled out of the brunette.

''You’ve obviously seen all that comes with that charm, too.''

''Definitely,'' Jonghyun replied immediately.

Jinki laughed some more.

''Well, thank god you were there that night and that you’re still in his life. You seem to be a good influence on him.''

The blonde’s brow cocked.

''A good influence?''

''Yeah,'' Jinki validated. ''Tae talks about you all the time and one of the things that always comes back is his admiration for your passion and work ethic. You seem to have rubbed off on him because I can see how serious he is about things now.''

Jonghyun was trying to keep his face under control, but he knew he was failing at hiding his surprise and utter shock.

''He’s never…. I didn’t know he…''

And he was also failing to verbalize any coherent thought.

''Taemin will never outright tell you this, but what I know is that he doesn’t hang out with someone if he doesn’t really love them.''

''Yeah… I guess,'' Jonghyun admitted as he unconsciously rubbed the back of his neck again. ''What about you and Tae?'' he inquired to get the focus off of himself. ''You two seem pretty close.''

He was first answered with a beaming smile that turned his mouth dry. He quickly reached for his glass and took another sip.

''Yes, we are. It’s just always been like that despite our age gap. I’m an only child so my parents would bring me to my aunts’ and uncles’ houses a lot and I always had the most fun with Taemin. He was always so joyful and full of life, and that always made me feel happy. As we grew up, that bond deepened and now, I just see him as my little brother.''

''That’s… really nice,'' Jonghyun said, feeling touched despite himself.

''Yeah,'' Jinki agreed. '' He’s always bringing good into my life.''

Their eyes locked at that and Jonghyun’s heart did another somersault.

''Um, so… shouldn’t we order or something?'' he uttered as his eyes darted back to his glass.

''Shouldn’t you look at the menu first?'' Jinki pointed out with a teasing edge to his tone.

Shit.

''Uh, yeah. Of course.''

After looking at a bunch of items that didn’t make any sense to him, he finally settled for the swiss chard and goat cheese cannelloni. He was pretty sure a pasta dish wouldn’t disappoint his taste buds.

Once their orders were placed, the conversation lulled for a bit, leaving Jonghyun time to assess everything that had happened up until now. He couldn’t say things were going badly. On the contrary, but that just made it all the more confusing for him. Without thinking, he brought his glass to his lips again and downed the rest of the liquid, which he immediately regretted when the fire that suddenly blew up in his throat made him cough uncontrollably.

''Are you alright?'' Jinki asked as he gave him a worried look.

Jonghyun nodded through his coughing fit. It took a few more seconds for his airways to clear out and bring him back to a peaceful state.

''I’m sorry… I…''

''Are you okay?''

The genuine concern he could read on the other’s face made him feel even more self-conscious and stupid. He couldn’t help but look away.

''Yes, I just…''

He didn’t even know what to say. And he couldn’t even use his glass as a distraction anymore.

Dammit.

''Can I tell you something?''

Jonghyun looked up again, curious as to what that thing might be.

''Yes?''

''I haven’t been on a date in years,'' Jinki shared.

Jonghyun blinked at him in surprise.

''Seriously?''

''Yes,'' the brunette reiterated with a sheepish smile. ''I’ve never really made time for anything that didn’t have to do with work.''

''So, what’s changed now?'' Jonghyun couldn’t help but ask.

''Hmm…'' Jinki pondered. ''Well… I guess I’ve finally realized how much I was missing out on.''

''Oh, well, from what I’ve heard you’ve made a pretty good life for yourself already,'' the blonde pointed out.

''I guess in terms of social status, yes, but in my everyday life, things were starting to get…'' he paused, looking nowhere in particular. ''Repetitive.''

''Oh, and here I thought lawyers had the most exciting lives,'' Jonghyun mocked without thinking.

His eyes instantly grew wide as he realized what he had just said.

''I didn’t mean to-''

Jinki laughed, ''I get it. I could try to defend my job, but being a corporate lawyer really isn’t exciting.''

''So why do you do it?''

''Because that’s what was expected of me. And I’m good at it,'' Jinki laid out openly.

''But… ''

Jonghyun couldn’t even begin to understand how someone could just go about a job without being really passionate about it. He had fought all his life to be able to pursue music as a career because, in the end, there was nothing else he could see himself doing.

''It's alright,'' Jinki laughed off. ''I dodged having to go into the medical field, so that's a win in my book." Jonghyun was tempted to dig further, to understand why the other had settled for a life without much agency, but he didn't feel like it was his place. ''Have I just lost you?'' the brunette inquired. Jonghyun caught the flash of fear that went through his gaze and felt his chest tighten. ''No, not at all,'' he instantly reassured. ''I'm just... intrigued,'' he chose after a moment of thought. ''Okay." A second after, the brunette picked up his glass and downed it just as he had a few minutes before. The gesture surprised him and even more so the absence of coughing that followed. ''Let me order us another round of rum and you can ask away," the older one indicated before doing just that. What followed was a pretty intimate exchange on how they had been brought up, an exchange during which the blonde found himself revealing a lot more than he would have ever imagined. They had just met and there he was talking about how the only good thing his mother had ever done for him was kick him out. By then, they were both half-way through their meals and the place had become even more crowded, but that did nothing to distract them from one another. ''She kicked you out?" Jinki exclaimed, eyes growing wide behind his thick frames. "Well, yeah. She couldn't have a defiant son disturbing her peace all the time," Jonghyun intoned with full-fledged sarcasm. "That's horrible," Jinki voiced in shock.

''Yeah, but it turned out for the best,'' Jonghyun observed. ''Living with my sister helped me get my shit together and get me to where I am now." Silence followed his words as the other looked straight into his eyes. Jonghyun felt a shiver run down his spine. "You're incredible." At that, he was pretty sure the man before him was out to kill him. His heart raced as the words rang loud in his mind. "I'm sure I wouldn't have had that resolve if I were in your place," the other then noted. The blonde wanted to argue and dismiss any credit the other was attributing him, but the dark chocolate orbs he was plunged into took the words right out of him. A little voice in his head told him to stop staring, but he felt paralyzed. He was praying the other would break the spell by looking away, but he didn't. "Do I have something on my face?" Jinki inquired, titter vibrating in his voice. Yes, your face. "No, I'm sorry... I just zoned out..." Jonghyun excused as convincingly as he could. "I get it. I would zone out, too, if we were talking about my painful memories," Jinki remarked, offering him an apologetic look. "It's fine, really," Jonghyun quickly replied as to not blow his cover. "Even so, why don't we move on to lighter stuff now?" the older one proposed with a broad smile that crinkled his eyes. Or perhaps, could we move to a bed? Jonghyun couldn't help but think as the sight before him awakened a part of him he usually managed to keep under control. "Yeah, sure," he said, reciprocating with a smile of his own. The conversation went on from there to discussions on their favorite things, like books, movies, and music. Even though they didn't always share common knowledge or taste in these things, their openness to each other made the rest of the evening go by pleasantly. "Did you enjoy your meal?" Jinki asked after the table had been cleared. "Yeah, it was pretty good," Jonghyun genuinely answered. The brunette grinned. "Glad it was. Do you want dessert?" he then offered. "Hmm... I'd say yes, but I'm pretty stuffed," Jonghyun admitted with a breathy laugh. "We can share," the other proposed before crossing his arms over the draped table. "Their crème brûlée is fantastic and I'd love for you to have a taste." Jonghyun felt his mouth go dry. Even if he would've wanted to say no, the eagerness he could hear in the other's tone had him do the contrary. "Okay, sure," he uttered, hoping his answer came off as nonchalant. He received another eye-blinding smile before the other took the lead again and ordered the aforementioned dessert. It was a few minutes before a small ceramic dish was placed between them. Jonghyun stared at the caramelized crust with interest before his eyes went to the utensils. There was only one spoon. "Um... They forgot a spoon," Jonghyun indicated as his eyes flicked up to the brunette. " I'm not averse to sharing a spoon, so you can eat first, " Jinki naturally settled before picking up the spoon and handing it to him. Jonghyun took it, feeling somewhat uneasy. "Have as much as you want," the other then added with what was meant to be a reassuring smile. But Jonghyun just felt more unnerved by it. All the attention was on him and even though that was something he relished in regards to his music, it wasn't something he loved getting in any other context. Especially not right now, when the attention was coming from a man who seemed to know just what to do to get him riled up. "Please, eat," Jinki urged as his smile grew wider. At that, Jonghyun had no other choice but to comply. He scooped out a spoonful of the creamy custard that hid under the thin crust and brought the spoon to his lips. A subtle flutter graced his lashes as he had his first taste. The sweet eggy flavor mixed with the creamy but light texture felt like a true gift to his taste buds.

"So? Do you like it?" Jinki inquired as a soft smile danced on his full lips.

" Oh, yeah, so good," Jonghyun drawled as his eyes zeroed in on the dent he had made in the dish.

A full laugh rumbled out of the brunette's mouth.

"Enjoy."

Jonghyun met his eyes for a second before he plunged the spoon right back in. The second bite felt even more divine than the first and before he could let himself think, he went in for a third, fourth, and fifth spoonful.

It was only when his mind caught up with his stomach again that he realized that more than half of the receptacle was empty. His eyes widened.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," he apologized as he put the utensil down and lowered his head like a child awaiting punishment.

He missed the expression of confusion that splayed across the other's face, but heard his words loud and clear.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. This was for you."

Jonghyun dared look up, inheriting the confused look in turn.

"I thought you wanted to share," he pointed out.

The brunette shrugged.

"I've had this dessert a million times. I'm not missing out."

"Still, I-"

"You can have it," Jinki interrupted purposefully.

Jonghyun blinked at him for a few seconds.

"Is it because of the spoon? I can ask-"

"No," the brunette interjected again. "I just want you to have it."

Jonghyun searched his face for any sign that he was lying, but found none.

"Plus," the older one went on, "I've put on a few pounds from stress eating so you'll be doing me a favor if you finish this," he ended with an embarrassed smile that leaned into an airy laugh.

Cute, Jonghyun’s mind prompted without notice. The thought had the blonde looking at the dessert again, not trusting himself one bit if he kept his eyes on the other man facing him.

Best that I just eat this so that I can get out of here.

Jonghyun did just that and soon enough, one of the waiters brought over the bill, immediately handing it to the brunette.

"Shouldn’t there be two?" Jonghyun immediately inquired as he furrowed his brows.

The older one let a pleased smile stretch wide across his face.

"Should there be?"

A shiver ran boldly across the blonde’s spine at that.

"Well, yeah… I mean… "

"I brought you here, so it’s on me," Jinki settled gently.

Before Jonghyun could slide in a word of protest, the brunette made his move and gestured to the same waiter that had lingered nearby. Jonghyun just watched as he felt robbed once more of a parcel of his dignity.

A few minutes later, they were finally heading out, the now cooler breeze of the evening meeting them upon their first step out of the restaurant. A moment of shared silence grew between them as they stood before the entrance and gazed into the half-busy street.

"So… " Jonghyun trailed off into silence.

He really didn’t know what to say at this point. The reality of this only being a one-time thing suddenly loomed in the forefront of his mind.

"Can I be honest with you, Jonghyun?" Jinki suddenly asked as he turned a bit more towards him.

The blonde felt himself tense up a bit at the additional proximity, but composed himself enough to nod.

"I would love for this to happen again," the older one instantly voiced.

His expression seemed serious enough for Jonghyun to believe his words, which only made his heart leap and his stomach flutter.

How does he do that? he couldn’t help but wonder as he felt all control seep out of him through now sweaty hands.

"Me, too," he agreed before time stretched too long between them.

Jinki smiled wide and bright.

"Glad to hear that."

Jonghyun made it a point to keep holding his gaze and return his smile, despite his main effort being on keeping himself together.

"I’ll be texting you soon, okay?" Jinki asked, his tone soft and easy.

"‘Kay," Jonghyun replied as he retreated to his nervous habit of rubbing the back of his neck.

"Did you come here by car?" the brunette then verified.

"Yeah, it’s right over there," the blonde indicated as he pointed towards an early 2000s white Corolla across the street.

"Good," Jinki acknowledged as his gaze followed. "I’ll let you go then. Goodnight, Jonghyun," he offered as departing words before flashing a last smile that read as soft but straightforward.

"Goodnight, Jinki," Jonghyun echoed as his face broke into a bashful smile.

They parted ways right after, Jinki heading farther down the street while Jonghyun headed straight to his car.

The blonde settled quickly into his seat, his head yearning to find the comfort of the steering wheel again. A big sigh left his lips as his forehead hit the sturdy surface.

As his eyes closed, his mind immediately formed an all too vivid image of the man he had spent the evening with. He could once again see his coiffed, but oh-so-soft looking hair, his beautiful bushy eyebrows under which thick frames sat perfectly on a proud nose, and his full lips that didn't waste a chance to stretch into one of the most beautiful smiles Jonghyun had seen in his life. The image could've trailed further down, but Jonghyun knew to draw the line there if he didn't want to make his pants any tighter.

He wasn't going to fool anyone, especially not himself. He was wildly attracted to this man.

And that was a problem.

***

#jongyu #jjongsmonth #jjongsmonth2020 #jjongsmonth3rdedition #sarastuff:jongyu #jonghyun #onew #taemin #kibum #minho #shinee #shinee fanfic #yooo I don't even know how I've written stuff these past few weeks but hey at least got something done before the month ended #please let me know if you read and enjoyed it or didn't enjoy it haha #oof

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

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Think of a movie and now give me that movie title: random Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

Quote a line from that movie:

Name a song: random MARUV & Boosin — I Want You

What’s a line from that song? Baby turn me, turn me on All night long What’s the last word spelled backwords of that line? GNOL XD Whats the relationship between you and the last person you texted? my fiancee What would your name be if you replaced T’s with S’s & A’s with E’s? Zuzenne Would you ever legally change you name to that? nah Your boyfriend/girlfriend say they can’t hang out & it’s been two weeks. You? ok How often do you think about death? all the time Where were you when you had your first sleepover? Your house or a friends’? friend’s - P.W.

Are you hungry?: thirsty

What did you buy last time you went to the store?: food? bread not food? trinkets - for example - two books and a tiny stuffed dog

Do you think stained glass windows are pretty?: I don’t know tbh

Are you a chocoholic?: not at all

Have you ever been carded when buying something? : not even when I was buying cigarettes

Do you have a favorite highlighter color?: yellow

Do you have a flashlight?: I do

Do you like watermelon?: nah

Has anyone ever walked in on you while you were on the toilet?: obvi, many times but usually just family members

Do you like a lot of ice in your drinks?: noooo

Have you ever painted a room?: bathroom Have you ever petted a donkey? from what I remember

Out of all 24 hours, which one is your favourite? hmm... Have you ever been in a lighthouse? nope

What time are you planning on going to bed tonight? no idea Have you ever been bit by an animal? yeah Did it rain today? kinda What was the name of the last dog you pet? it was my dog - Łasuch Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? sure Are you constantly judging people? could say so Have you ever had anything stolen from you? sorta Which would you rather, a snowy day, sunny day, rainy day or cloudy day?: cloudy or sunny maybe rainy but definitely not snowy How long have you ever spent away from home? month? Has your luggage ever been lost at the airport? Did you get it back? - About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? few Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? no What scent of candle do you burn the most? we don’t For what reason did you last cry? ugh... What kind of surveys do you wish there were more of? deep

Last time you were attacked by an animal? this summer? Are you paranoid all the time or just during the night? more often during the day actually Have you ever dated someone without knowing their name? last name, not first, I was a stupid kid and was dating a guy online once and several boys at camp just to show off somebody likes me that way even tho I wasn’t really interested nor knew anything about those matters

If you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, how much do you really eat? a tiny bit If you need to ask a question in class do you raise your hand? of course How many times have you been engaged (if any at all)? once, currently Do you have to see something to really believe it? jak niewierny Tomasz - często Have you ever gotten so dehydrated that you passed out? I’m surprised that I didn’t :x If your friend was being cheated on, would you tell them? absolutely Do you always assume the worst? that me indeed Are you sick and tired of life? sadly Have you ever been busted for under age drinking? I wasn’t drinking underage, I still don’t drink Do you have a picture of you and your lover kissing? 1 and a tik tok Have you witnessed a fight at school? bunch

What is your favorite time of day to run? when I’m late for the bus lmfao

When was the last time you talked to your mom? recently Do your parents crush your dreams? sometimes Did you sleep in today? I didn’t Do you hate sleeping in? I love sleeping in How late do you consider too late to sleep in? noon, 11am is already late How long have you had a smartphone? less than 5 years Do you keep lists of names that you like? even tho I don’t want kids :P Have you ever butt-dialed someone? it happened

First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed, like *that*; M.

Do you like going to school sports games? eww, boring Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? guy from camp gave me his cap for a day Have you ever stolen your sibling’s clothes? I had to wear them when she was growing up, gross Have you ever loved someone and HATED it? later? Do you like Starbucks or would you rather just have water or something? just water lol Have you ever walked into a door before? po maturze zapomniałam, że woźny zamknął drzwi, które się same otwierały i walnęłam w nie, raz przytrzepałam sie w futrynę bo za szybko skręciłam w nocy do pokoju, mama uderzyła mnie drzwiami jak byłam mała i stałam za blisko wejścia dzwoniąc do domu więc spadłam ze schodów, a ojciec stuknął mnie tymi dworcowymi przy wiadukcie i wylałam na siebie sok - to chyba wszystkie przypadki Do you know anyone who’s like, psycho-religious? fanatic? my uncle is one of those Have you ever been stuck on a ski lift? luckily never been there to begin with Do you know who Nancy Sinatra is? ain’t this the gal who sings “those boots were made for walking” or smth like that? Have you ever bought anything from an airport? I wasn’t there so... If I asked you who you were gonna marry a year ago, you would say; omg Do you snore, talk, sleepwalk, or drool? drool at times, sorry also roll/kick around and fart ^^” When you woke up this morning, what was your first thought? I was wondering why Nat fronted If you could start completely over knowing what you do now, would you? possibly

If you drink coffee, do you have a favorite flavor & brand? If so, what? not applicable Have you ever personally known a pair of Conjoined twins? woah What is your first thought when you see people kissing in public? "get a room” Would you ever consider being a professional stunt-person? I have no abilities/skills/health etc for that kind of job and it’s really sad actors get prizes for stunt-ppl’s work

How about a Mailman? my father was and that ruined his body so I doubt it (Besides Hello kitty) Do you have a favorite Sanrio character? If so, Who? Hello Kitty is evil Do you flinch when strangers touch you? don’t touch me! Can you remember the first time you went to a movie theater? I believe Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it? I have strange interests... Do you actually like the taste of Diet Soda? didn’t try and don’t plan to What brand of toliet paper do you normally use? I don’t give a shit ;) Do the Charmin bears make you feel uncomfortable? xD fact that they’re red makes me uneasy On average, how many cans of soda would you say you drink daily? zero Did/do you ever stick your chewed -up gum under tables? I spat it on grass when I was younger and had stuck it in my hair years before as well but every other gum I trashed properly Can you remember the last thing you watched on the news that upset you? that’s why I avoid news How do you feel about red lipstick, is it whorish? it’s my fav but I no longer use makeup What is your definition of feminism? fighting for equal rights between women and men like pay in workplaces Are you comfortable in shorts? am not So, have you watched that Bob’s Burgers show? Do you like it? fragments

Do you ever get the feeling you dont belong? always Do you believe actions speak louder than words? good actors will use both ways to lie

If your friend tried to commit suicide infront of you how would you react? how, why, who, when etc. Ever had a rumour spread about you? plenty Have you ever tried to impress someone before? majority of my life and I hate myself for that If someone jumped on your back what would you do? die? If you had a child and they turned out just like you would you be happy? poor kid... If you could choose the gender of your child what gender would you choose? not that I want kids but girl

Name three people you want to meet in Heaven. from those who died or are alive rn?

What could be the theme song of your life? I was taking a quiz today and they gave me Kero Kero Bonito - I'd Rather Sleep

Do you have any embarrassing health issues? :( Who do you wish you could talk to? grandma and/or brother Do you lose or misplace things a lot? very rarely lose, misplace more often but still usually same item like my scissors What was the name of the street you grew up on (if you don’t live there now) I live here! Does it still feel like summer where you live? it’s too cold for that Do you have a Paypal account? I wish Have you ever had a brand or company reach out to you on Instagram? polyvore What is the last thing you purchased from Etsy? I have no bank account to be able to buy stuff there Do you sell on Etsy? I’d like to someday Do you have a favorite aunt, and if so, who is it? aunt Alice Who is your favorite cousin? no one Have you bought next year’s calendar yet? yup What year did/will you turn 30? 2022 What’s a food that you like, but it makes you feel sick? no comment Do you like the name Addison? sounds like a shoe Is there anything that you regret getting rid of? ... Have you ever stood up to a bully? couple of times Do you own striped tights? nude and transparent Have you ever made your own Halloween costume out of clothes from ur closet? yep When was the last time you received a hug? this day Do you have anyone who hugs you regularly? dad? Would you rather have the bottom bunk or top bunk? bottom Window seat or aisle seat? window, aisle if in church Have you ever thrown up on an airplane? that’s one of the reasons I won’t fly Have you ever seen anyone else throw up on an airplane? that’s another... Have you ever gotten sick in the car? almost Do you still wear clothes from the children’s section? whoops you got me What color is your watch? I need to buy watch for Nat... What color was the last pair of flip-flops you wore? last time I was wearing flip flops was before middle school and they were pink I suppose Were you born in your favorite season? in the worst! Have you eaten oatmeal lately? regularly... Do you enjoy editing photos? if not a snapchat filter selfie then I prefer them “natural” What is your favorite app on your phone? Choices forever! lately I begun playing The arcana and it’s pretty good, Lisa downloaded Addams family mystery mansion or smth but it’s not that cool and I used to play the detective story which was awesome <3 Do you answer your phone every time it rings? hell no Do you like to decoupage things? scrapbooks/collages are way better How many tabs are open on your browser right now? 9 with this one but I forgot to close the background music

How many times have you had sex within the past two years? Guesstimate? personal How many times in a month do you go to the movies? How much do you spend? not at all

When was the last time you heard thunder? Where were you at anyway? this month? home When was the last time you were in trouble with your parents? If so. it’s complicated Do you know anyone who claims to have the ability to see the future? I have dreams that come true and my parents do, also my gf When you go to the movies, do you actually watch the movies or not? ... what else would I do in the cinema? oh, you mean kiss and such? waste of money Do you love or loathe the Eurovision? I don’t mind it Have you ever wielded a sword? wanna try :D If you were famous would you want a statue or a building names after you? what for Can you erect a tent? hope I didn’t forgot How tall is the tallest person you know? didn’t ask Have you ever ridden a camel? might try What’s your opinion on rats? cute

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magicofthepen · 5 years ago

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Time War 3 Thoughts (Eps. 1-3)

Only the first three episodes because this is already long, and I have a lot of in-depth reactions and thoughts on Unity alone. These are based on my live reaction notes, with some “in hindsight” thoughts sprinkled in there. Fair warning, I’ve only listened once, so there are points of confusion that might be fixed with a relisten.

HOSTILES

The whole “on a ship with a core that’s going to implode” thing immediately gave me Enemy Lines vibes — and these vibes skyrocketed with Romana shouting “take my hand” down to Narvin. (Very disappointed in Narvin for not doing it, I will take any and all canonical handholding, even if it is for boring logistical reasons.)

Love that callback to Narvin almost falling off the roof :)

The way Narvin says “all this vegetation” is so funny, and really it’s hilarious how much of Time War 3 is “let’s make Narvin interact with as many plants and animals as possible.” No idea why this was the agenda, but I’m here for it.

I am 100% confused on the timeline re: the Sicari. If they didn’t show up until shortly before Romana’s failed assassination plot/the exile, but Trellick was sent to investigate their home a while before Romana was kicked off Gallifrey...that doesn’t line up??? Plus in Assassins don’t they mention that they’ve never caught one, and in Hostiles they have Sicari prisoners...generally I’m not too fussed about plot details but this one kept really throwing me off as I tried to connect the dots.

Trellick calls Romana Narvin’s boss at one point (not knowing otherwise), and really up until now those two have always had to navigate their personal relationship around their professional roles and hierarchy. And tbh I wish there had been more overt exploration of how the sudden absence of that hierarchy affects their dynamic.

“Narvin, this isn’t a shopping trip” — I enjoyed Narvin collecting all the tech, but in hindsight so annoyed at myself for not catching onto the chameleon arch being An Important Thing That Will Come Back Later

There are some really interesting moments of tension between Romana and Narvin (Romana wanting to trust and help Trellick vs. Narvin’s paranoia and focus on survival and escape) and the little moments of argument and tension that bubble up and fizzle out between them (”You almost went without me.” / “I knew you’d catch up.”)...the episode itself didn’t really dig deep and unpack them, but in many scenes it feels like there’s a lot going on under the surface and I love these layers!

I can’t believe these two had to swing on vines, this is iconic and amazing.

“Let’s replace the circuit together” is super cheesy and such a ridiculously technical way to express affection and I love it.

NEVERNOR

Re: the biodata tracking — how exactly did they get that info? Did Mantus give actual physical information to Narvin that he was able to hang onto? And how is that different from how they were trying (and failing) to track Leela before? (Since i think Narvin had mentioned tracking Ace through biodata in Time War 2...)

Narvin’s interaction with the goat? Yes.

Me, the instant they mention spending the night at the farm: Oh my god if there is Only One Bed, I might forgive this boxset for whatever horrible thing it’s going to do to Romana.

(That is a lie, of course, but I am extremely invested in bed sharing tropes.)

Tragically, this episode failed to live up to its trope-y potential (and Episode 4 remains unforgiven), although I do treasure the fact that we got to hear them share a sleeping space, complete with Romana waking Narvin up in the middle of the night because the ghosts are freaking her out.

On a related note: this episode was genuinely spooky and tense, and I was really into that atmosphere!!

Ooh I like this subtle reminder of how much time Romana and Leela have spent traveling in the Vortex...but not Narvin. This boxset doesn’t get into the whole “this is Narvin’s first time as a renegade but it isn’t Romana’s” dynamic too much, but I like this hint of it.

I really liked the moral implications the Nevernor test set up for the episode (the only way to pass is to not care), but it didn’t seem like it was actually relevant to the episode’s conclusion? Sure, Romana and Narvin left those people behind, but they were alive and they did their best to save them? I’m a bit confused about what the emotional beat here was supposed to be.

MOTHER TONGUE

Leela!! ...screaming in pain which isn’t great but still good to hear her voice.

The logistics of the whole consciousness transfer are still confusing to me. Did she take over someone else’s life on this world, someone who just happened to have the same name as her? If she only lived certain moments, did that mean the other person’s consciousness was in control the other times?

“How do you know they are wise when they do not speak?” That doesn’t sound like Leela

What is up with Leela bonding so quickly with Sholan and also being so harsh — “You need to be a man. You have a good heart, but you must teach it to be colder, harder.” The idea of her not being in a great emotional place to be a parent right now and messing up big time is so interesting in theory, but once Leela’s seen the future where Sholan is cold and hardened, I find it hard to believe she would actively push him in that direction. Also I don’t quite buy how quickly she embraces this mother-son relationship.

I do like how Leela keeps mentioning the Daleks as the main threat of the war, but of course in the end she sees it’s the Time Lords who are the antagonists here. There’s something fascinatingly awful about seeing the evil of the Time Lords completely from the outside, as opposed to Time War 2 which is all tangled up inside the system.

There is so much in these episodes about choice — it’s Trellick’s choice to try to escape even thought it could mean not surviving, it’s Agata’s choice to sacrifice herself to save the younger version of herself and her husband, it’s Sholan’s choice to die to save his cousin. And I have Thoughts about how this concludes in Unity, but I also want to point out that Leela is also given a choice at the end here, but unlike the other ones, she chooses to live.

#gallifrey spoilers #gallifrey audios #gallifrey #me: uhhh let's focus on the less emotionally traumatizing bits first #as i try to figure out how to talk about the last episode #also as an overall note i liked the small casts and contained stories!#it was cool to hear those kinds of stories plus it meant more main cast interaction which i'm always happy about #ramblings #emily listens to big finish #romana #narvin #leela

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monsterywriting · 6 years ago

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Werewolf Boyfriend (Kai) - pt 6

AN: I've had a crazy week but I’m finally almost done with Kai’s story! a lot of stuff is happening in this part & it’s finally spring break for the students at Greenview

word count: 4,302

One week had passed since Kai told you about shifters. In that time, midterms came and went, giving you no chance to hang out with Kai much less talk to him about it in between studying for your exams.

Now, however, as the two of you drove home to Newport together for Spring Break, you had four hours to interrogate Kai with all of the essential questions.

“Can you like bend steel and pull 18-wheelers and shit?”

“Absolutely not,” Kai laughed, turning on the car’s turn signal as you neared a gas station, “ When we’re shifted it’s more along the lines of a normal wolf’s strength than anything supernatural, so no 18-wheelers. When we aren’t shifted, we aren’t as strong, though we’re still stronger than humans.”

As the two of you waited for a pump to open up, you continued to ask Kai questions, feeling as though you were getting to know Kai for the first time now that you knew such a major detail about his life.

“So which form is more natural for shifters?” You asked, genuinely curious considering Kai had to maintain his human form almost exclusively at Greenview.

“It depends on the shifter,” Kai began, “Some spend all their time in one form or the other, but most form communities so they can easily shift back and forth without raising questions.”

“So what about you?” You pressed.

“I used to not really have a preference, since I grew up being able to shift whenever I wanted,” Kai frowned before continuing, “but since I’ve been pretty much stuck as a human this past year, I feel more comfortable whenever I shift now.”

You nodded, staying silent as you digested this new information. In the meantime, a car finally drove off and left an open pump that Kai immediately drove next to.

After a brief argument about who would pay for gas that Kai eventually won, the rest of the trip was spent with you asking Kai more about his family and shifters.

You weren’t sure when you fell asleep, but you woke up to find the familiar buildings of downtown Newport passing by.

“Good, you’re awake,” Kai smiled softly as he turned to look at you, “I was about to wake you up. We’re almost at Asriel’s place.”

“Okay,” you stretched your arms over your head, relaxing once you heard a satisfying pop in your back

You’d spoken to Asriel a couple of times with Kai, and you knew the two have been close since they were kids, so you were kind of excited to meet him and his boyfriend.

Kai drove into one of the most expensive parts of downtown Newport, full of newly built businesses and apartments that you knew for a fact cost more in rent for one month than six months in your apartment.

“Asriel’s family owns some of the high-rises around here,” Kai explained, turning into the parking garage of an enormous marble building that took up an entire block and looked more like hotel than an apartment building, “Asriel’s passion project is some luxury condos he designed and runs. He lives in one.”

You made no reply as you decided against any comment on the blatant nepotism of it all and Kai parked the car in one of the employee parking spots on the first floor and the two of you, Kai holding a large duffel bag with his things for the break, began walking towards the entrance, passing cars that made you dread the drive out of the garage in your dust-covered Honda civic.

As you and Kai neared the spotless glass double-doors, a white and gold sign informed you that you were entering the Grand Memorial Place Condominium, and the inside was an extravagant display of marble and gold. You felt incredibly out of place as you followed close behind Kai as he strode inside and went straight towards the elevator.

Kai seemed to sense your discomfort, though it was obvious with one look on your face, “Hey, I know it’s pretty extravagant. I mean, that’s just Asriel. I come here pretty often so I don’t even notice it anymore.”

It was clearly the wrong thing to say as you were reminded of just how different Kai’s upbringing was, no matter how levelheaded he seemed at Greenview.

“God that made me sound like some spoiled rich kid,” Kai groaned, and you let out a small laugh as Kai struggled to explain himself.

“No more than you having two cars for yourself,” you told Kai sagely, making him groan even louder.

“I knew you’d never let me live that down when I told you.”

The two of you quieted down as you waited for the elevator, a couple people already waiting at the doors.

Once everyone crammed into the elegant elevator, Kai pressed one of the highest levels, earning the two of you a couple of examining stares.

The elevator started up without so much as a lurch, but the crowded box made for some awkward elbow rubbing and affronted looks until Kai pulled you closer to him until your back was to his chest. It was even more awkward at first, but you quickly wrote it off as Kai simply being a good friend.

Even as everyone else got off at their respective floors and Kai’s hand fell from your shoulder back to his side, you didn’t move until the elevator dinged at your stop for fear of making things weird.

Kai led the way to Asriel’s room, knocking and giving you a reassuring smile that was quickly interrupted with the door slamming open and a tall man screamed and pulled Kai in a tight hug.

“Why didn’t you text me you were here, I would’ve went down to meet you!” Asriel was darker than Kai and didn’t have any freckles, but their smiles were definitely similar.

Asriel was wearing a black floral silk kimono open over a tight black shirt and matching silk pants. His hair was shaved into a fade on the sides, the top of his hair slightly longer and in waves that shone in the light whenever he moved and put his silk garments to shame.

“I’m Asriel,” Asriel introduced himself with a broad smile as he finally shoved Kai out of the way and extended his hand to you.

“[Y/N],” you took Asriel’s hand and shook it before Asriel ushered the two of you inside his condo.

“Lunch is almost ready, you two can just relax,” Asriel practically forced the two to sit down at the table, and you briefly thought about what Kai had said about shifters being stronger than humans.

“Hey, I got the food,” another man who you presumed to be Asriel’s boyfriend entered the dining room with a pan full of chicken and grilled vegetables, Asriel behind him with a bowl of red potatoes.

“Dig in,” Asriel declared as soon as the food was placed and he and his boyfriend were seated.

Dinner was nice, the four of you getting to know each other and learning more about Kai and his family, especially since Kai already told Asriel that you knew about shifters.

“-And then he hit me with his car,” Asriel laughed, his boyfriend looking sheepish next to him.

“In my defense, I did take him back to the vet and he only had a couple of scrapes and bruises,” Asriel’s boyfriend interjected, “Asriel’s head is too hard for there to have been permanent damage. And then I woke up a few days later to find a naked stranger trying to sneak out my window.”

You burst out laughing, joined by Asriel’s boyfriend, not being able to imagine the bizarre sequence of events that got the couple in front of you together. You stopped, however, once a strange realization dawned on you.

“Wait, Kai’s never naked when he shifts,” you tilted your head to one side as you thought back to the few times Kai shifted in front of you.

“Shifters have been around long enough to develop clothes that we can basically take with us when we shift,” Kai explained before pointing at Asriel, “Asriel on the other hand is just addicted to brands.”

“It’s better than dressing like some hiking lumberjack slash nature fanatic ninety-nine percent of the time,” Asriel rolled his eyes as he turned to you, “And it’s thanks to me Kai has such a good fashion sense, so don’t let his outfits over at Greenview fool you, just see what he wears the rest of the week.”

You giggled before you nodded in agreement with Asriel, laughing even harder at the scoff of indignation from Kai and his muttering about being totally betrayed.

Soon after you insisted on helping clean up — which was just loading the dishes in the dishwasher — you said your goodbyes to everyone and headed out.

“Text me when you get home safe,” Kai told you as he walked you to your car, waving as you told him you would and pulled out, extra careful to give all other cars a wide berth.

The drive to your house was less than thirty minutes, but the stark difference between the two neighborhoods was apparent.

The high-rises and hipster brunch spots became small rundown houses and overgrown lawns, the smooth road becoming pothole filled the farther you got from downtown.

As you pulled in to your street, you were excited to see your driveway filled with the familiar cars of your aunts and uncles, quickly parking on the street in front of your house and texting Kai that you made it before racing to the front door.

As soon as you unlocked the door, a horde of little kids nearly trampled you as they all tried to greet you at once. Your younger cousins were all vying for your attention as you and your aunt that was in the living room with them laughed.

“Everyone came over for dinner since you were coming back,” your mother filled you in as you walked into the kitchen holding your youngest cousin, “Your dad’s in the back grilling burgers with everyone else. Hurry and go say hi to everyone they’ve all missed you.”

“Okay, I’ll go now, then,” you hugged your mother quickly before releasing your younger cousin back in the living room where the rest of the kids were already back to focusing on the TV.

The rest of the night was a blur of talking to everyone, cycling through the same questions about school and your future. By the time dinner was through and the get-together slowly dispersed, you were beyond exhausted.

You had barely gotten out of the shower and put your head on your pillow before you were unconscious.

A yawn overtook you as you stooped to grab some produce. You had long since lost track of your mother in the many aisles of the grocery store, though there wasn’t that many people in the store this early in the morning.

Your mother had woken you up early so the two of you could go grocery shopping for the week together and it was no exaggeration to say you had just rolled out of bed to come.

“[Y/N]?”

You practically jumped out of your skin as you stood straight abruptly. You were really not expecting to interact with anyone so early and of course the one time you roll out of bed is the day you run into someone you knew. You were embarrassed to have been caught in some ratty grease-stained sweats and a faded old shirt that was three sizes too big, not even getting into your serious bedhead.

Turning, you came face to face with Kailani, who was looking absolutely stunning in a peach blouse and matching white pencil skirt and blazer. Her curls bounced as she let out a small chuckle and flashed you a smile that was almost the mirror image of Kai, even more so than Asriel, even if her mirth didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Mordecai told me you drove in together,” she informed you as she laid her perfectly manicured hand on your arm, her expression softening ever so slightly, “how have you been since…”

You grimaced as flashes of memory raced through your mind, looking around to make sure your mother wasn’t around before quietly continuing, “I’m fine. I haven’t really kept up with the case that much but I was told that he was out on bail for something else at the time, so he was denied bail this time.”

“That’s good to hear,” Kailani said before a small smirk reappeared on her face, “by the way, I hear you and Kai have been quite close since you two met. I’m sure you know by now we’re from a pretty small community.”

You weren’t quite sure if Kailani was giving you the rich talk or the shifter talk and, despite you and Kai agreeing he wouldn’t tell his family that you knew about them just yet, the way Kailani was looking at you made it feel as though she knew everything and also had the highlight reel of your top most embarrassing life experiences.

“Yeah, Kai did tell me your family lived in the east side of town when we first met,” you decided against revealing too much about what you knew, figuring it was better safe than revealing to Kailani that you knew her family’s most guarded secret.

“Right,” Kailani said, placing a head of lettuce in her basket, “and as you obviously know M- Kai, you also know most of the rumors about the east side are entirely unfounded, right?”

You nodded slowly, not sure where exactly she was going with this.

“So, I wanted to invite you to our parents house for lunch,” Kailani was carefully examining a cucumber and fortunately not seeing your jaw drop at the invitation, “It’s just a small get-together, very casual, this Wednesday.”

You were at a loss for words at the unexpected turn of events. On one hand, you wanted to immediately decline, on the other hand you didn’t want to seem rude to Kai’s sister and the woman who helped you after being attacked when you had barely first met.

“Well, I wasn’t sure if my family wanted to do anything this week,” you began carefully, “but I can definitely get in touch with Kai and let you know if I can make it.”

“Of course,” Kailani seemed content with your answer, and after some quick goodbyes you both had gone your separate ways.

Shortly after, you found your mother in one of the aisles, the shopping cart already filled with groceries. You made no mention of the strange encounter to her, already texting Kai about it once you got in the car.

He was just as surprised as you were, and assured you that he hadn’t told Kailani that you knew about shifters. He also left the decision about going to the get-together and meeting his family entirely up to you, though he did suggest the two of you go together if it made you more comfortable.

After asking your mother and making sure she didn’t have anything planned for you all on Wednesday and briefly weighing the pros and cons of going, you finally texted Kai back saying that you would go.

You didn’t know what you were expecting from Kai’s parents’ house, never having been to the east side of town before, but you had a pretty good idea when Kai drove up to a wrought-iron fence and waited a few seconds before the gates slowly began to open.

The driveway was long and flawlessly paved, lines of trees slowly giving way to a perfectly manicured lawn and ending in front of a beautiful white colonial-style house. You tried not to look too in awe of your surroundings as Kai parked and the two of you walked up to the entrance.

You and Kai were inadvertently matching, which you hadn’t thought much of when Kai drove up to your house. But now, as you were ever closer to meeting his parents, you were beyond nervous and over-analyzing every small detail about your appearance and what they would think about their son and his friend wearing matching outfits.

You were wearing a light blue top with small embroidered sunflowers patterning it, white shorts you were now grateful you ironed the night before and some simple brown strapped sandals.

Kai was wearing a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows that was a similar enough shade of blue to yours, even though it was slightly darker with white shorts and brown loafers.

Even with Kai assuring you it was a pretty common outfit color combination, you were still anxious to get the inevitable awkward first meeting over with. You were hoping since it was also Kai’s first day back at his parents’ house that they’d be distracted enough with him to focus too much on you.

When the two of you entered the house, you were surprised to find no one inside.

“They must all be in the back, already,” Kai said nonchalantly, leading you to the living room where a set of double doors opened up into the backyard.

A few white tents dotted the landscape, tables filled with people sitting thankfully more absorbed in their own conversations to pay much attention to your entrance.

“Kai, you’re late!” A woman that looked like Kai walked up to the two of you and pulled Kai into a quick embrace before smiling at you and extending her hand.

“I’m Denise, Mordecai’s mother,” she introduced herself, letting go of your hand before gesturing to the tall man next to her, “This is my husband, Isaiah. Kailani and Mordecai both told me so much about you, [Y/N].”

“It’s good to meet you,” you answered, trying hard not to falter under the careful gaze of Kai’s mother.

You were almost certain that she noticed the outfits, her eyes flitting down every so often to examine your outfit before moving over to Kai’s.

But, as the three of you continued to speak, Kai’s father keeping mostly silent unless Denise forced him into the conversation, you began to relax slightly.

Before long, your conversation was cut short by another family’s arrival.

“I’m so sorry, we have to go greet everyone,” Denise smiled apologetically as they walked away, “I’ll catch up with the two of you in a bit. Go get some food, though!”

“That wasn’t quite what I expected,” you said in awe, you and Kai watching his mother scream and hug the woman that arrived before hugging the husband and pinching the cheeks of her children.

“See, I told you my family would be fine with you coming,” Kai laughed, clapping your shoulder before he began steering you to the table with Asriel and his boyfriend.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know I know about shifters,” you pointed out, waving at Asriel’s boyfriend from the distance.

“I am going to tell them, I just wanted to wait until after they met you,” Kai replied, the two of you sitting down.

After some catching up with Asriel and his boyfriend, you had to use the bathroom.

Kai gave you the directions and you set off, quickly taking care of business and ready to return to the backyard when your opened the bathroom door to find Kay waiting for you.

“I was hoping to run into you,” Kay beamed, “How are you liking everything so far?”

“It’s all very beautiful,” you said honestly, “I mean I knew the east side was nice, but I never knew it was this nice.”

“Oh? Have you heard a lot about the east side?” Kay asked, her eyes flashing with some unreadable expression.

“Not really, just what Kai tells me from time to time,” you were going to try to get out of this conversation with a half-truth, and thankfully someone else came up to use the bathroom and you tried to take your leave, but Kay cornered you once again.

“Well, then why don’t I give you a tour of the place,” she offered, “you can see firsthand how Kai grew up around here.”

“No, thanks,” you said stiffly, “Kai can show me if he wants to.”

Kay looked satisfied with your answer, making you feel as though you passed some secret test before she finally insisted the two of you return to the party.

You soon lost track of Kay once you reached the backyard until near the end of the party, just as you and Kai were about to head out.

“I just wanted to ask [Y/N] if she would like to go camping this weekend,” Kay interjected just as you were saying goodbye to Denise, “If you’re not busy, of course.”

Before you could reply, both Denise and Kai were sputtering objections, Kai insisting you were busy and Denise saying you probably didn’t want to go camping on your break.

The offer had caught you by such surprise that you responded politely on impulse.

“I would love to, b-”

“Wonderful!” Kay interrupted you once again, clapping her hands together, “We have plenty of tents and supplies for you, we were going to leave Saturday morning.”

You’re quickly caught up in a whirlwind of logistics, still not quite sure how Kay managed to rope you into a camping trip of all things, your biggest brush with nature was a week-long summer camp with air-conditioned cabins when you were in middle school.

Denise seemed even more shocked than you, and though she didn’t say anything out loud it was clear how she stared daggers at Kay the entire time she talked.

As Kai drove you home, he apologized for his sister and told you that you could always cancel.

“It’s alright,” you sighed, “It’ll be easier to drive back to Greenview when we’re both already together on Sunday anyways. Besides, you were going to tell your parents that I know about shifters anyway, right?”

“Yeah,” Kai chuckled as he agreed with you, “Guess it’s better to do it now that they’ve all met you.”

You grinned as you imagined Kai’s mother’s reaction when he told her, leaning back in your seat as your thoughts then shifted to what clothes you owned that would be suitable for camping.

When you pulled up to Kai’s parents’ house, you were beyond tired. Even if it wasn’t five o’clock in the morning, you’d spent the whole day yesterday shopping for clothes suitable for camping and then packing everything you’d brought.

Now, two bags sat in your backseat, one specifically for the trip and the other with the rest of your things to take back to Greenview. A backpack sat in the passenger seat next to you with your reusable water bottle and your wallet among other things.

Kai and his family were all already loading up their vehicles when you parked, and Kai ran up to greet you as you got out and grabbed your bag from the back of your car.

You would be riding in a truck with Kai as the rest of the vehicles were already filled with the others that were going on the trip. So, you two were going to haul the larger things that didn’t fit in any of the other four cars, mainly all the tents.

You were surprised by how many people were actually coming, not expecting most of the people that were at the get-together earlier that week to come with.

Although now most of them gave you a wide berth, presumably because they all knew that you were aware of shifters. The only people you spoke to were Kai, Kailani, and Asriel, his boyfriend having had to work that weekend and being unable to make it. Even Denise had made herself scarce after initially greeting you.

When everyone set off, it was more like a parade of expensive cars than anything, especially from your vantage point at the end of the line.

Kai told you a bit about the camping grounds you would be spending the weekend at.

Apparently, it was actually private acreage just outside of city limits owned by shifters who let other shifters camp out while being able to shift freely.

Kai and his family had spent many summers camping out there and Kai told you he knew the trails like the back of his hand, excited to show you the various sites around the grounds.

By the time the caravan reached the parking lot nearest to the campsite, the sun had already risen, though still not visible above the thick forest of trees surrounding the roads.

You and Kai had already grabbed a couple of tents along with your bags and started up the trail towards the campsite by the time everyone else got off their various vehicles started grabbing things.

You insisted on helping Kai set up the tents, watching how he set up his own before he came to help you with your own.

Once Kai was certain your tent wouldn’t collapse on you in the middle of the night, the two of you sat down in front of Kai’s tent.

“Hey, where is everyone?” You asked, glancing around at the scattered tents around the clearing that definitely wouldn’t hold the amount of people you knew arrived.

“There’s more than one campsite,” Kai laughed as he pulled a bag of beef jerky out of his backpack for the two of you to snack on, “some just prefer more of a hike in the woods than others.”

“Oh,” you hummed before turning to Kai, “Were you going to shift, then?”

Kai looked surprised as he stared at you mid-bite on a piece of jerky.

“You said this place was safe for you to shift and that you preferred shifting now,” you reminded him as you grabbed another piece of jerky for yourself.

“Then I’ll shift when we head out, then,” Kai smiled gratefully, “I have a couple places in mind I wanted to show you.”

Once the two of you were done with the bag of jerky, the two of you grabbed your backpacks and set off, ready to stretch your legs after the long drive.

#monster boyfriend #Werewolf boyfriend #male monster

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hopewritcs · 6 years ago

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dancing in the kitchen. seven.

pairing: romantic steve x reader, familial dustin x reader, friendship nancy x reader

word count: 3.3k

summary: without giving too much away: the reader is Y/N Henderson, Dustin’s older cousin who’s staying in town, due to some family issues. takes place soon after s2.

note: finally chapter seven!! i had a lot of fun in this chapter, delving into both y/n’s thoughts and steve’s!!

other chapters: masterlist

tag list: @stevieboyharrington, @lola-winston-harrington, @fuckthatfeeling,@thekidsofneibolt, @labgeek, @tyedyedstars, @samisimportant, @madhatterweasley, @pity-mee, @l4life, @veryweirdintrovert, @restlessmelodrama,@darkuserboxes,@princessnancy, @hipsmcgee, @wtf-richarddd (if you wanna be added to the tag list, let me know!!)

Y/N had made sure everyone was asleep before she went to bed. Dustin had elected to stay downstairs in the living room with the other kids, all of them in sleeping bags with a dozen or so pillows between the group of them. They were all around each other, sitting up so they could watch the movie while the older teens had been on the couch.

But by the time they got around to picking a second movie, everyone was exhausted. Dustin was the first to fall asleep, though Y/N knew that the next morning he would deny that. The younger teens followed suit, falling asleep soon after. Y/N snuck between the sleeping bags to turn the television off.

Y/N was sharing her room that night with Nancy and Dustin offered his room up to Steve and Jonathan. So the older teens got settled in for the night before getting ready for bed. Y/N and Nancy were on the former’s bed, pillows in their laps as they caught up on school gossip. They were giggling, but trying to keep their voices down to keep from waking up the whole house.

A knock startled the pair out of their conversation and they turned to look to see who was entering the room. Seeing Claudia, both Y/N and Nancy giggled loudly before stopping themselves and smiling, saying hello Y/N’s aunt.

“Just checking in before going to bed. I’ll be gone before you kids wake up in the morning. I wanted to make sure you handled everything today. How were Dusty and his friends? Good, I hope.” Claudia stood in the doorway to the bedroom with a smile on her face, despite looking exhausted herself.

“Everything was great, Aunt C! Don’t worry about us.” Y/N said with a wave of her hands and a bright smile. “Go get some sleep. I’ve got all the munchkins under control. Me and Nance can fight them off if they get annoying.” At that comment Nancy laughed but nodded her head in agreement with her friend.

“Goodnight Mrs. Henderson. Thanks for letting us all stay over.” Nancy smiled appreciatively at her friend’s aunt.

“Oh it’s my pleasure, girls. I love having all you kids here. The house feels full and happy.” Claudia explained with a smile. “Well, goodnight. Don’t stay up too late.” Claudia walked into the room, leaning over to kiss both girls on the forehead. “I love you both. Sleep tight.” she waved, her hand hovering over the light switch (which she wound up leaving on) before closing the door behind them.

“On that note, I’m going to go brush my teeth and hair.” Y/N laughed, tossing her pillow at Nancy with a smile and leaving to go to the bathroom.

Hours later, Y/N was tossing in her bed. She had a restless couple hours of sleep, often finding herself waking up just staring up at the ceiling. She had so many thoughts on her mind. Maybe Nancy was right. Everyone has a past, and maybe hers wasn’t as bad as she’d been working it up in her mind. She’d been a classic “mean girl”, but she was better than that. ...Wasn’t she? She liked to think so.

Back when she was younger, Y/N spent hours running around with Dustin, Mike, Will, and Lucas. She would “babysit” them and make sure none of them got into trouble. Usually that meant following them around at the park for a couple of hours. For the most part Nancy would often hang out with her when she could.

And somehow as she got older, and moved around, and went from school to school and place to place, Y/N felt herself distancing from that kind person she felt inside. Maybe it was because she hit puberty, she’d grown taller. Didn’t feel as gawky as she had in her pre-teen years. Or maybe it was the group of friend’s Y/N had fallen in with at her last school. She couldn’t exactly admit to being the typical mean girl to everyone she knew in Hawkins. Fanning the rumour mill with her whispers and giggles in the hallway.

Hell, Y/N didn’t even recognize that girl.

She fell from that high horse, hard. And she never wanted to go back to it.

After realizing she wasn’t going to get much sleep, Y/N got up and got out of bed. She pulled a sweater on over her head, closing the door behind her and leaving Nancy to sleep for a few hours more. She just knew she wasn’t going to fall back asleep herself, and she quietly padded down the stairs, yawning as she hit the ground below.

A figure startled her, someone who was rummaging through the fridge. When the person found what they were looking for, they turned around and nearly dropped the container upon seeing Y/N there too.

“Make a sound or something next time.” the gruff voice hummed, doing his best to keep his voice down (there was still a handful of kids asleep in the living room a couple feet away from them).

Y/N covered her face, shaking her head with a small chuckle before she spoke. “I didn’t mean to scare you, Steve.” she explained, walking more into the kitchen. “Midnight snack?” she asked, an eyebrow raised as she turned to look at the clock on the counter. “Or...six fifteen am snack?” she corrected herself.

“Want some?” he offered her the tupperware as he opened it. “I didn’t expect anyone else to be awake cause normal people are usually sound asleep before eight am.”

“I guess I had a lot on my mind. Couldn’t sleep very well. Figured I’d come down here and sit on the back porch for a bit.” Y/N explained with a shrug, going to grab a couple of forks from the drawer and handed one over to Steve while she grabbed a forkful of leftovers. “Why are you up?” she asked, going into the fridge and grabbing the pitcher of iced tea. While Y/N grabbed two glasses and filled them with ice, Steve dug into the leftovers and replied to her question.

“Same as you.” He shrugged, doing his best to sound like it wasn’t a big deal. Because it wasn’t. Anymore, at least. Okay, fine, Steve had a nightmare and he didn’t want to tell Y/N about it. How could he do that without explaining everything that had happened in Hawkins. “Restless night. Bad dreams or something. Can’t remember a thing.” He elaborated on it, since he did feel bad lying to Y/N. Or, not telling her the truth. He’d mentioned it to Dustin one day when he picked the middle schooler up after school.

Steve had volunteered to pick Dustin up from school. Nancy, Jonathan, and Y/N had gone ahead to the Byers house to study for a quiz. But Dustin needed a ride to the Wheeler’s place. Since Steve had driven him and Y/N to school, it was only fair he also took him over to Nancy and Mike’s later too. Steve offered to take Y/N too, but she politely declined. She had to stay after school for a meeting with her English teacher and Jonathan had offered her a ride home. So that left Steve and Dustin alone.

“Christ, shithead, take any longer and I’ll be an old man.” Steve complained, groaning as Dustin got in the car. It was their usual banter, so he knew that Dustin wouldn’t bug him about the complaint.

“You already are an old man, dude.” Dustin laughed, shaking his head as he took off his baseball cap. He ran a hand through his hair, then put the cap back on top of his head.

“And you’re a pain in the ass.” Steve said, pulling away from the middle school parking lot.

“Am not.” Dustin huffed under his breath.

The two boys were silent for a moment, but when they hit the first stop light on their route Steve turned to look at Dustin. He was trying to figure out the right way to ask the question he wanted to ask without Dustin getting all Dustin on him.

“Why are you looking at me like that Steve?”

Steve rolled his eyes, driving down the street and clearing his throat before he spoke. “So does your cousin--does Y/N know about everything that happened here? About Dart? The lab?”

Dustin shook his head, eyes wide and staring at Steve as he shifted in his seat. “No. Why would she know that?”

“Cause she’s living here now? What if that shit happens again?” Steve asked. He didn’t want to say that out loud, but given how he’d been having nightmares--thinking about that night for weeks on end--he needed to say it. “Not that I think it’s going to. But...she should know.”

“Oh, yeah. One night after dinner I’ll just come out with it like, Hey Y/N, I know you’re getting settled in here and dealing with some bullshit of your own that mom won’t tell me, but remember when you asked if Mews had run away? Yeah, a demodog ate her. His name was Dart. Good animal. Liked nougat. No fucking way am I telling her that.” Dustin hit Steve’s shoulder as he shook his head, settling back into his seat. Glancing back at Steve, Dustin spoke again, “Do you really think it could happen again?”

“What? No. No. I’m just...worst case scenario dude. What if something happens. Something unnatural. And Y/N’s involved. Shouldn’t she know?”

Dustin had left the car after that, since they’d pulled up at the Wheeler residence and he left Steve hanging without an answer.

Steve knew that Dustin wouldn’t tell Y/N. But he hoped he could convince the younger Henderson to do so. Keeping a secret so big from someone who was now so involved in their lives was just wrong.

At least that was the rational thought to it.

The irrational, impulsive side was trying to get Steve to open up to Y/N. She was the first person since Nancy that Steve was feeling like he could actually open up to. She had a voice of her own. But was also so kind and seemed to take care of her younger cousin. And had the maturity to make a whole meal for everyone and make sure they were all settled in and enjoying themselves too.

But, Steve wasn’t listening to that part right then.

Y/N on the other hand was staring at Steve, eyes half worried and half sleepy as she studied him. Attempting to believe if he actually didn’t remember the dreams. But she decided to drop the subject, grabbing a throw blanket she’d taken from the linen closet last night and left on the counter.

“Let’s go outside. So we don’t wake them up.” Y/N suggested. Before Steve could answer Y/N already had the two drinks and blanket balanced in her hands and managed to open up the sliding back door without needing a hand leaving Steve to follow behind her and close the door.

Y/N was sitting on the bench outside, legs curled up beside her but she left enough room for Steve to sit beside her. On the small table she’d put the two drinks before opening up the blanket. She held one end of it up to Steve who took a moment before sitting down beside her, happily taking the blanket. It was a crisp December morning. Cold enough to see your breath in the air.

Y/N grabbed her glass of iced tea and smiled. “I would have made coffee, but the machine might have woken the kids up. I don’t know if any of them are light sleepers. Dustin isn’t, he could sleep through the end of the world. But I wouldn’t want to risk waking anyone up.”

They were finally able to speak at a normal volume. Steve shook his head. “It’s fine. Though coffee would be nice.” he laughed lightly as he took a forkful of the food. “This is still really good.”

Y/N had cut him off before he could continue his thought. “Well good to know food doesn’t spoil overnight.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “I mean it’s really good, Y/N. Leftovers or not.” Steve said with a shrug. “You gonna cook pancakes this morning for everyone?”

“I don’t think Dustin would have it any other way.” Y/N put down her glass, rubbing her hands together to get them warmed up. Seeing her struggle to get warm, Steve pulled the blanket up toward her, covering Y/N up to her chin. Y/N leaned a little closer to him under the blanket, her legs shifting to face Steve as she rested her chin on his shoulder. “Sorry.” she explained, hiding her face in the fluffy blanket while she spoke. “I don’t think ice in the glass when we’re outside was a good idea.” Y/N giggled.

Steve put an arm around her, shrugging his shoulders. “Probably not the best idea. But I don’t mind.”

Y/N found herself leaning against Steve. Maybe for warmth. Maybe for comfort. “I love the cold weather. But I think coming outside before the sun’s fully up is a mistake.” she giggled.

“What, seeing your breath in the air isn’t a good thing?”

“I meant having to curl up under the blanket. I definitely should have also grabbed gloves or a coat too.”

Steve thought about the position they were in. His arm around her, her head on his shoulder. He wanted to help her, but didn’t actually know how to help keep her warm. “I guess you’ll know better for next time.”

“You offering to sit outside in the cold morning air with me another morning too?” Y/N asked, nudging Steve’s arm.

“I wouldn’t mind it.”

And it was an honest answer. An answer that hung in the cool December air between the two of them. Y/N had turned to face him fully at that moment and he was looking back at her. Their breath visible in the air, mingling together due to how they were seated. Both of them looked like they were about to say something else. Do something else, maybe. But neither of them spoke or moved. They just sat there. After what felt like hours of stillness, both teens were startled when they heard a noise. The sliding glass door opening.

“Y/N?” Nancy’s voice called out. “I know you like cold and possible snowy weather, but if you’re outside in just your pajamas i’m going to drag you back in before you get frostbite.” Nancy poked her head out of the sliding glass door, stepping out in a jacket and some slippers. She turned her gaze and saw Steve and Y/N on the bench--both of whom seemed to be taking in a deep breath and looked like they couldn’t get farther away from each other on the bench. Nancy just laughed as she trotted toward them. “Am I interrupting something?”

“No!” Y/N’s voice was way more high pitched than normal as she stood up. She was barefooted, still in her pajamas, and freezing now that she didn’t have the warmth of he blanket surrounding her (or Steve’s embrace). Y/N gathered the stuff from the table and began walking toward the kitchen, stealing a glance back at Steve, who was giving the two girls distance as he folded the blanket back up.

“So, you and Steve were sitting at opposite ends of the bench for no reason whatsoever?” Nancy side-eyed her best friend once they were inside.

“You just startled us is all. What if it had been Dustin or one of the other kids?”

Nancy stopped short, covering her mouth as she gasped. “So something did happen!”

Y/N shushed her friend. “Be quiet.” she scolded, eyes darting back and forth. Y/N emptied out the drinks and turned to Nancy, making sure to keep her voice low. “I think we might have kissed. If you hadn’t surprised us. I don’t know, though. Maybe that was just in my head.” Y/N wiped her hands dry on her shirt and moved to the cabinet. It was getting close to a normal hour now, she could see some movement in the living room too, so she figured it would be a good time to start making pancakes.

“Well shit Y/N, I’m sorry.” Nancy sighed, shaking her head as she leaned back on the counter.

“Don’t.” Y/N said with a small smile, looking up at her friend as she gathered the ingredients. “It was nothing.”

“Do you want some help?” Y/N and Nancy both turned to look at the voice, Steve had put the blanket back in the closet and then came into the kitchen.

“You can cook?” Nancy asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Not well. But I can set a table and get coffee going.” Steve shoved his hands into his pajama pants pockets as he swayed on the balls of his feet.

“That would be great Steve. Thank you.”

And the group in the kitchen went about their business. Steve grabbed enough plates for everyone, setting the bigger dining room table with plates and silverware. Nancy was getting other things for the table--bread and some fruit.

Y/N was focused on making the pancakes and sides for the pancakes. She even decided, since she hadn’t seen the kids wake up yet, to make some home made whipped cream for the toppings too.

The first kid to pop his head up was Mike, who immediately started shouting for everyone to wake up. “Guys! Y/N’s making pancakes! Wake up!” And he ran into the kitchen, standing next to Y/N and watching as she flipped the pancakes in the pan over.

“Morning Mikey.” Y/N said, glancing at him. “Can you take the cinnamon, syrup, and whipped cream to the table for me?” He nodded, gathering everything she’d asked and started walking toward the dining room table. “Thank you.” she called after him.

And soon enough, everyone was up and heading into the dining room to eat. They began doling out sides and toppings for their pancakes. But with ten mouths to feed, it was going to take a while before she was done. For the first couple minutes she told them she could bring in the ones she had done, and they should start eating without her. But they all refused. Or, Steve, Nancy, and Jonathan had convinced them to all refuse.

Y/N took the tray out of the oven and walked into the dining room, placing it down on the table. “Dig in.” she exclaimed, taking the seat that Nancy had saved for her.

The whole table lit up with conversation as they all continued to stack their plates with food. Everyone was talking, laughing, enjoying the meal. Y/N had been surprised with a cup of coffee put by her plate. She put in the amount of sugar that she liked and took a sip. She figured it had been Steve to put the cup in front of her and when she looked up at him, the smile gave it away. Thank you, she mouthed at him.

After breakfast, Y/N began clearing the table as she usually did when Steve and Nancy both stood up to stop her. “You made breakfast, Y/N.” Steve said, shaking his head as if disapproving of the girl for going right to clean things up when they had all finished.

Nancy put her hands on Y/N’s shoulders and began walking her out of the room. “You should go shower and relax. We will take care of cleaning.”

Y/N stopped at the foot of the stairs and glanced toward the group of kids at the table. “We?”

“We.” Nancy laughed, nudging her friend up the stairs and then turning toward the group. “Okay. We’re all pitching in to clean up.” She clapped her hands together and as Y/N got up the stairs she heard Nancy giving out some clean up duties. Y/N could only smile.

#steve harrington x reader #stranger things fanfic #stranger things x reader #dustin henderson x reader #steve harrington fanfic #dancing in the kitchen

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iamsaltinequackers-blog · 6 years ago

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Memory Lane, House #2

Photo’s of The real House #2

House number two is house number one with a few additions. Upon entering I notice everything is pretty much the same as the first house, but the couches are new. Brown. Then I see where the back door once was is now a mud room filled with photos. There are shoes by the back door now as well as the front. There is another door leading into an almost finished master bedroom. There was a bay window and there she sat, mom. She always wanted to have a bay window. Over in the right hand corner of the room there is a bang followed by a shout, dad. He stands there blood pouring out of his hand. A nail sticking through his palm, mom quickly rushes him out of the house. He nail gunned his hand to the wall. As they rush toward me, it is almost like I am not even there like they can’t see me. As they pass me I notice two women sitting on the couch, and those precious twins playing in the floor. A young woman appears in the entry way to the hall. She is wearing a blue tankini style bathing suit, it has darker blue flowers all over it. “Child, what are you wearing?” I hear a voice call, I look to the woman speaking, Memaw. Suddenly the mood changes, if the energy in the room had a color it would be black. She has shoulder length dark brown hair with bangs like a little girl would have.

Then I hear the most horrifying thing any girl going through puberty could hear, “Aren’t you a little to round to wear that kind of bathing suit? Go put on a one piece and shorts” She turns and runs back down the hall, her friends are waiting in the back yard for her. What kind of grandmother speaks to her grandchild in that manner? I followed the girl to her room, only her room isn’t the pink room anymore. She has moved across the hall to what used to be the master bedroom. It is decorated with Tweety Bird all over the walls, those four skinny mirrors are still on the wall, she is examining her stomach in them. She goes to the closet, it has no door and there is a dresser in there too. She grabs her suit and goes to the half bath, It is painted white, but the floor is different it is small black tiles and white tiles on the entire floor and a quarter of the way up the wall. She shuts the door. Looking around the room I see a full size bed centered along the back wall. in the corners on either side of the bed are shelves. They are filled with beautiful porcelain dolls and Disney snow globes. By the bathroom door there is a desk, it has a monitor on it and a computer tower underneath. The screen saver was that old windows saver where pipes go all across the screen. In between the closet and bathroom was a television on a small poorly made entertainment stand. It was an older television that had only a handful of channels, and the knobs were hard to turn and they clicked so loud the whole neighborhood could hear it. The bathroom door opens, she comes out sad. So sad you could almost see the rain cloud above her head. A tear falls. Across the hall the pink room is still pink, it is the computer room now. Winnie the Pooh still on the ceiling fan. So much clutter everywhere. She goes back down the hall, I follow. She races out the back door avoiding memaw. Her friends already having fun.

I blink and suddenly it is like months have gone by, it is the middle of a Texas summer. I find myself in the front yard. The house is mostly brick, with an old wooden garage door painted white. The front door is painted to match, it has a small rectangle window that has two diamond shapes in it. Only two windows over look the front yard. On the porch there are three sets of hand prints, two small and one big. They are labeled with who the belong to underneath, and there are five pillars that hold the porch up. In the yard are three kids around the same age, one of them being the oldest daughter from house number two. They are playing loony toon freeze tag. Time seems to have sped up, a lot of memories made in this house. I turn to face the front door and on the porch I see an empty deep freezer. The lid is open, I heard someone inside? Leaning over the top I see her. She looks to be in about seventh grade now. What is she doing? Then it hits me, she is bleaching the inside of this freezer. The smell is so strong, I can hear her talking. “He isn’t even my dad” she is right, in a way. He isn’t her biological father. She turns pale as she exits the freezer. “I think I am going to pass out, it has been almost two hours. Am I done yet?” she shouts. Entering the front door and there he is on the couch. He is in his boxers spread eagle. He tells her no, keep cleaning. He falls asleep, his privates hanging out of his boxer shorts. Disgusted, I leave to check on her. Time has slowed back down. She stops cleaning. I follow her through the front door, “Dad wake up, you are exposing yourself.” He doesn’t care. I have to get out of this house. I walk outside and time has jumped again. She is playing outside with a new kid. He is only a year younger than her and they are already best of friends. They spent many days and evenings riding bikes, and also climbing through the creek. Sometimes his cousin would join us. They are riding bikes in the street, right past house number two and off into the neighborhood. I blink. It is almost dark. In the distance I see her and her new friend, he is pushing both of their bikes. She follows behind her arms to her chest, something is wrong. I follow them into the house. She says to dad, “I think I broke both of my arms,can you call mom.” He laughs, says it is just a scratch. Go do the dishes he tells her. Knowing how wild his punishments are she reluctantly does as he says. Following her to the kitchen, the dishwasher is FULL(top and bottom rack) of Pyrex casserole dishes. It takes her a full hour and a half to complete the task, with two broken arms. She and her friend lay on separate couches, both fall asleep. Five in the morning and she screams, her arm fell to the hardwood. Dad didn’t tell mom that she had hurt herself today. An emergency room visit confirms, left arm is broken in three places and the right broken in two. Why didn’t he believe her? Believe me...

Back at the house, more time has passed. Now they are moving.

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lovemesomesurveys · 6 years ago

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In the morning… Is there usually a text message waiting for you? No. Do you set your alarm early so you can lay in bed awhile? I try to get up earlier than I need to, but my body is just like, nah. I have to set a few alarms. Breakfast? Mostly everyday. I pretty much never did until this year. Shower? or save it for later? I take them at night.

First person you usually see? My mom.

Pick out clothes or did it the night before? I just grab whatever. Do you go over your plans for the day in your head? I always have to go over everything, even things I do daily. Spend any time with a pet? I spend a lot of time with her. <3 Moan and groan or get up ready to face the day? Oh, I’m definitely not someone who wakes up feeling great and refreshed and ready to tackle the day. I wake up feeling tired and dead and have to drag myself out of bed for coffee. Put music on? No. Facebook, Myspace or Twitter to start the day? I always check Facebook, Twitter, Timehop, my email, and the news. Sometimes Snapchat and Instagram as well. Friends, lovers, acquaintances Do you have more than one best friend? No. Do you know anyone who legitimately is mentally ill? Yeah. Anyone who is always taking food from you? No. Anyone you snitch food from? “Snitch food from?” I’ve never heard it said that way, but I’m guessing you’re asking i I take food from someone, which no, I do not. Right now, would you rather be single or in a relationship? It’s best for me to be single. Have you ever run interference between a friend and someone they liked? No. Boyfriend’s mom asks you to go to church with their family, do you go? If we were of the same faith. do you say “love you” to any of your friends (not boyfriend) No. I’ve never been that friend to say that. Did you feel good or awkward if opposite sex says I love you? My first, and only, technically, boyfriend said it to me often and I said it back because I felt I had to and it was weird not to say it back, but I didn’t feel that way. He was saying it literally like a week or two into the relationship. It was awkward. Joseph said it a couple times, but in a friend kind of way. He’d be like, “love ya” to me and our mutual friend. That was really awkward because I had feelings for him and thought I was even in love with him, so yeah. Lastly, Ty let it slip once in a text and that completely caught me off guard, but not in a bad way. What made it awkward and embarrassing was that it wasn’t brought up until a couple months later and when he mentioned it he was like, “Soo, remember what I said to you that one day? I didn’t mean to say that.” I was just like, “...Oh.” Like what do you even say to that?? I had to brush it off and move along like all was good, but yeah it felt like a sock to the stomach. I didn’t think he was confessing his undying love for me or anything when he said that, but still. You don’t just let something like that slip and then bring it up months later and take it back. did anyone ever ask for your number then never call? No. Do you go out for ice cream with your friends? I don’t go out at all with friends anymore, but back when I was actually social we’d grab froyo sometimes. Do you ever hang out with a parent for fun? I hang out with my mom all the time. Is your SO comfortable around your parents? I’m single. Are your friends comfortable around your parents? Yeah they always were. My friends loved my mom. anyone who acts like they want to be your friend that you are avoiding? No. When you are mad at a friend do you straight out tell them? I always tended to keep it to myself. anyone you feel is trying to avoid you right now? No. I’m the avoider. :/

How did you meet your newest friend? I haven’t made any new friends in years.

Have you ever been talked into doing something really uncomfortable? Yes. Do you keep notes your friends write you? Yeah. Also, my cousin and I used to write notes all the time in middle school, some of high school, and I have shoeboxes packed away still with them. Who’s the last person you called “stupid” or said was stupid? I recently said someone was acting stupid. Oh no, I HATE when this happens Last time you stepped in doggie doo No idea. It’s actually so disGUSTING and lslkjfsklfjdksl when that does happen as a wheelchair user, especially. Burped in public I don’t burp in public. had someone fart in front of you and it be really awkward Hahah ew yes, that has happened. someone tells you a secret and you don’t know what to say I don’t recall the last time, but yeah it’s happened. wanted to cancel on a friend and didn’t know how I did a lot of that in recent years until they just stopped asking cause I’m a shitty friend. spilled something on someone I don’t recall. ruined a favorite piece of clothing *shrug* cried when you tried not to Too often. did something stupid while driving with a passenger I don’t drive. mistook someone and talked to them thinking they were a friend Wow, I’ve never actually ended up talking and having a full on conversation with someone I thought was someone else. I’ve seen people and thought they were someone else, and have waved (so embarrassing), though. I’d realize they weren’t who I thought they were before I started talking to them. Had a friend’s parent ask something embarrassing I had a friend whose mom did that. drooled on your pillow It happens. *shrug* burned your tongue It’s been awhile. What do you lie about liking? I don’t lie about liking something. What do you lie about DISliking? Uhh?

to make a friend feel better? I had a friend who needed constant reassurance, but like she didn’t really want an answer other than what she wanted to hear. To get out of doing something with a friend? Like I said, it happened a lot in recent years until they just stopped asking. if you like someone and don’t want to admit it? That happened with like little crushes in elementary, middle, and high school. There were 5 people I had really liked and developed real feelings for, and I told those people. To a teacher? why? I don’t know.

To a friend’s parent? Why? I don’t know.

Last time you lied via text? I don’t knowwwww.

Last time you TRIED to lie to yourself? Uhh.

have you ever told someone you loved them but you were lying? My first boyfriend. He would say it to me and I felt I had to say it back, but I didn’t really feel that way about him. He was saying that like a week or two into the relationship.

broke something and lied about it? Probably.

the most supreme lie you remember telling when you were a little kid? I lied for months about taking my medicine when really I was stashing them behind my bed and in a storage box. Something you lied about done..like skiing, seeing a movie, etc *shrug* That’s not something I really feel the need to lie about.

Have you ever lied about something sexual you did or didn’t do? No.

Lied about how you spent some money? I don’t think so.

Lied about having your feelings hurt? Yes.

The truth can hurt or heal Name a time you told the truth and someone got hurt. A few weeks ago. They took it the wrong way and got really defensive, but I was just honestly telling them how I felt. They didn’t like what I had to say, though.

last time someone said the truth to you, and you were relieved Hmm.

Time you came clean with the truth and felt SO much better? I don’t know.

someone you ALWAYS tell the truth to My dog. Ha.

person you are most likely to fudge the truth with My dad sometimes.

have you ever kept someone’s secret for ever? Yeah.

Have you ever had someone divulge a secret you shared with them? Yes.

Do you have something you wish you could tell the truth about? Yes.

Do you feel there is someone who is witholding the truth from you now? Possibly.

Getting silly and liking it!

Are you the one in your group who gets people laughing? I mean, sometimes.

Do you like stupid jokes? Ha, yeah.

Dirty jokes? Not usually.

Do you have a lot of inside jokes with friends? What friends.

Are they mostly silly, or dirty?

Which relative makes you laugh the most? My mom and younger brother.

What do they do that makes you laugh? They’re just funny.

Do you have a pet that makes you laugh? Yes. My doggo is very goofy.

Do you find sit coms to actually be funny? Not usually. I am biased towards some like Roseanne, The Golden Girls, and Full House cause I grew up with those and still watch them. I’ve seen each show countless times now and they don’t get old to me. Newer sitcoms; however, I find to be really cheesy and dumb and not at all funny. Like, sorry Big Bang Theory fans, but I really don’t understand.

Which pop song lately has made you laugh None have recently that I can think of.

Anyone ever tell you you were funny and you have no idea why? Yes.

Last time you burst out laughing and realized no one else was? Ha, recently I’m sure.

when did you last laugh when something bad happened to someone? I don’t find things like that funny.

Laughed at yourself for doing something dumb? All the time.

The day comes to an end

Last thing you do before you turn out the light? I scroll on Tumblr, do some surveys, and listen to ASMR videos before I go to bed. After I turn off the light, I sometimes read a bit until my eyelids can’t stay open. That happens pretty fast.

anyone you send a good night text to? No.

Bedtime snack? I used to have Ramen all the time, but I don’t do that much anymore. I don’t really eat anything anymore before bed.

do you go to sleep with music on? No. I sleep with the TV on, though.

is your homework, work done or will you finish it in the morning? I’m done with school.

jammies? I wear leggings and sweats all the time with comfy shirts, which is also what I sleep in. do you sleep with socks on? Yeah. does a pet sleep in your room? No. She sleeps on her couch in the living room. are you the last one to go to sleep in your house? Yes. all the lights off? or a nightlight on? Just the light from the TV. hard to fall asleep or easy? I always have a hard time falling asleep.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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derekmsheen · 7 years ago

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The Death Of Michael Sheen PT.1

"Hi Derek, it's your Uncle Bob. I'm at the hospital and I wanted to let you know that your father finally passed away about twenty minutes ago. I'm so sorry. We're all here now, do you think you can meet us in the next hour?"

I closed my voicemail and hit "redial". The phone only made it past half of the first ring before he answered.

I told him I was just leaving a club and would rush over immediately. My stomach began to ache and my throat went dry as I thought about having to share this moment with my family. How was I supposed to react? I was suddenly overcome with a wave of confusion and mixed emotion as I tried quickly to reconcile the absolute finality of it all. This was the end.

I remember listening to "Crazy", by Gnarls Barkley, on repeat all the way to the hospital as the numbness washed over me.

I pulled up to the ticket machine at the entrance of the underground parking garage and immediately started to panic at the thought of having to take two separate elevators up to ICU. I took a deep breath, took my ticket and drove down two ramps until I found an empty spot. I walked to the first elevator, made sure I had my phone to keep me focused on something other than the thought of the doors never opening again and trapping me between floors.

The main floor lift was in much better shape than the one that went from the garage to the lobby: the doors were bigger and opened from both directions. There was room to move around and I even spotted a visible ceiling hatch, in case my nightmares came true. "Always know your exits" is a constantly playing mantra in my head, in any situation where I have little control over the space.

As the elevator doors opened to reveal the cream walls of the ICU floor, I could already see the cluster of family huddled near the end of the longish hallways. I took a breath and stepped out of the kill-box.

My Uncle saw me first and broke from the group, which included my Grandmother, my older sister, younger sister, my aunt and my cousin Lisa (who would pass away, unexpectedly two years later. I loved her so much. Very funny).

His face was pale and exhausted. He'd been at the hospital most of his free time, while my father lay in a coma.

I feel like I should explain the events leading up to my father’s fall down the rabbit hole: it's a real doozy.

The week of our wedding (August 12th, 2005) my dad called and wanted to get together beforehand. He said he had our wedding gifts and wanted to catch up: we hadn't really talked or seen much of each other since, what we both came to term as, "the thing that happened".

THE THING THAT HAPPENED:

Sometime around 1998 I was living in a small two bedroom house, close to the airport. I was working at a tiny percussion shop and teaching music in my spare time. It was about this time that my sister called to tell me that she had been diagnosed with the AIDS virus.

She cried into the phone as she told me that dad and grandpa had hung up on her after calling it a "fag disease".

I angrily called my father and I'll never forget the fight we had. I screamed at my grandfather and dad over the phone: how could they be so cruel? How could they leave her out in the cold at a time like this?

“She was your CHILD!”

I broke the handset of my phone, slamming it against a wall and the last contact I had with any of them, for a while anyway, was when my father pulled into my driveway with a pickup truck full of refrigerator sized cardboard boxes.

"You wanna be her friend? Here, you can take care of all of the shit she left behind!" as he unloaded the contents in my driveway and drove away, out of my life again. We wouldn't speak again for almost two years.

As I dragged the giant boxes into the back of my house, I realized it was mostly clothes. So many clothes.

She was a working model and had a lot of designer labels and runway pieces. I spent days trying to organize it. My sister would call me from Florida, twice a week, and tell me how her treatments were progressing. I'd started sending her money to help pay for some experimental treatments and eventually took on some extra students to help out with rent and food. I was wiring her around $300 or more a week and I was happy to get the calls where she had good news on her T-Cell count. Sometimes I got the opposite calls, where her energy was so low she could barely muster words.

Those were the nights I would weep into my hands after hanging up the phone.

After a few months, her roommate would start calling me with updates as my sister was too weak to talk. I wanted to fly out and spend some time with her, but she insisted I stay in Seattle because she didn't want me to see her at her most vulnerable. I understood and continued helping take care of the bills. She eventually wanted me to send her some of her clothes and I was able to send a few small boxes, but with Summer coming, my student load was getting cut in half and I was on a much tighter budget. A 30lb box of clothes to Florida was roughly $140 and I easily had eight monolithic boxes filled with heavy cotton, boiled wool, silk and rayon. Between the money for treatment and shipping I was starting to feel the squeeze, so I took on another job to help ease the burden.

Then I got the call.

She had passed away from complications due to the AIDS virus.

Her roommate spent an hour on the phone with me, while I cried and shared some stories. She let me know they had already planned for a small service but still could use some money for burial costs and arrangements.

I made a couple calls to my grandparents and other family to let them know what happened and to ask if they could help with the funeral costs. It was a resounding no. By this time I wasn't surprised.

The next day I cleaned out my savings and sent her a check for $2500.

I received a call the day of services, from my sister's roommate, that it was a small but lovely wake and several of her friends made it by and there were beautiful things said about her and we both cried. She thanked me for all of my help and wondered if I could send the rest of her belongings to Florida? She would need help with the rent, now that my sister was gone and she could sell a lot of the designer stuff to help cover costs. I wasn't sure how to tell her that I literally had no money left? I couldn't buy a stamp or an envelope to stick it on.

I could hear the disappointment in her voice as I calmly tried to explain just how strapped I was, but she eventually let me go and said she'd check back in a couple of weeks.

In the meantime, I got a call from my cousin Lisa who wondered if she and my older sister, Tammy, could come over and look through some of the clothes. Since my sister had officially passed between worlds, it made sense to start getting rid of the five refrigerator boxes full of clothes. I told them to ABSOLUTELY come over, take whatever fit and I began the process of separating the higher end designer labels into a pile to send to Florida.

When they came over it was a relief: the last few days had been a real downer and I was so angry that no one else in my family seemed to even give a shit.

When Lisa and Tammy arrived, the dark clouds instantly lifted and laughter filled my little house for the first time in weeks. We shared stories as they went through the boxes, holding things up to see if they fit or just making fun of some of the crazy stuff she had in her collection. They eventually helped clear a quarter of the room and the cigarette I enjoyed, when they left, was an almost religious experience.

The shock had the same effect as deep heating rub: at first it covered my whole body in an icy chill that felt almost pleasant before a stinging, inescapable hotness blistered every nerve in searing pain. I set the phone back into the cradle, calmly walked into my bedroom and punched through two sheets of drywall.

Directly preceding my drywall attack , my grandmother had called out of the blue (since the embargo, we hadn't talked in months) to let me know, calmly and with a touch of mean-spirited glee, that they were just so glad that my sister was back from Florida, safe and sound. In fact, they were so happy she was alive that they were going to help her get on her feet and co-sign a home loan for her and wasn't that just marvelous that she wasn't dead and isn't it funny that you thought she was dead and we all had a feeling she was faking it?

I managed to barely squeak out a weak protest "...but I helped pay for her funeral?" before I heard my grandfather laughing about it in the background. Then she told me that my sister was very angry at me for giving her clothes away and she thought I should reimburse her for whatever was missing.

They were almost proud of how wounded I was.

What.

The.

Fuck.

...was wrong with these people?

Needless to say, we didn't speak much after that. Until my dad reached out to me, a few days before my wedding, my contact with all of them had been limited to uncomfortable holiday visits or brief birthday calls, but my trust in them had been destroyed.

He walked up to the front door of my work with great effort and once inside he fought to catch his breath leaning on his cane. It was almost surreal to see him like this: his once hulking and powerful body had been reduced to a weakened, skeletal frame and his face was a sallow mask that appeared to be sliding from his skull. His hands were covered in inky bruises, from multiple IV lines and there was a dark purple sore under his right eye.

I hadn't realized just how much time had passed since we'd seen each other, or just how sick he really was.

"Hi son".

His voice was a gravelly, hoarse cough.

"Hey Michael" I returned. I'd started calling him by his name around this time. I knew it hurt him, but seeing him in this state, it didn't bring me that same private joy. His face registered a slight wince and he asked if I was ready to get lunch. I told my boss I'd be back in a couple of hours and I walked him out to the parking lot.

"Hey, before we go, I have something for you and Alanya. It's in the trunk. Can you help me get it out?"

"Yeah...dad" I replied with some confusion.

He pushed a button on the key fob and the Cadillac’s trunk popped open. He painfully lurched towards the car and I could see two paper bags in the otherwise empty trunk.

"I thought I'd bring your wedding presents now, because...well, I don't think I'm going to make it on Saturday?"

"Dad, if this is about Mom, she's fine. Don't let that stop you from coming" I countered. I'd had a feeling he was going to back out, if for no other reason than having to face my mother, who was still full of bitter, outright rage towards him. That thirty four year old grudge hadn't weakened one single bit, if anything, it had become more firmament, like when lava cools and hardens into rock.

He swallowed hard and spoke slowly.

"No, son, that's not it. Look, I'm going in for this surgery tomorrow and I really don't think I'm going to be out by the weekend. My doctor said I'd be ready, but I have a real bad feeling about this and I wanted to make sure I got you guys your presents in case I'm right."

Suddenly and for the first time, I saw something in my father's face that I'd never seen before: regret.

He attempted a weak smile and said “it’s towels and a coffee maker. I know it’s not exciting, but I thought it was stuff you could use.”

(Footnote: as of this writing I still have one of the towels left. I cried the day we threw the other towels away and insisted on holding onto one, just for the memory of it. The coffee maker didn’t make it.)

“Thanks dad, it’s actually exactly what we needed. Grandma must have told you what was on the registry.”

“She did. I just couldn’t afford some of the other stuff, but I wanted to make sure I got you guys something” he countered.

I took the two bags and moved them to the trunk of my car, while he backed the Caddy out and then I jumped into the front seat.

He could barely turn his head, “You wanna go to the burger place up the street?”, he asked.

“Yeah, dad. That sounds great.”

We didn’t speak much, but it was a pleasant lunch.

It was the last time I would ever see him walk again.

The day before my wedding my Uncle called to tell me my dad had complications after his surgery, which I’d just discovered was a routine angioplasty. The complications in question didn’t occur during the surgery, but after when he was being wheeled to ICU. Apparently the nurse decided to take a shortcut through an area under construction. As my father groggily protested, demanding he be secured in the chair, she accidentally hit an obstacle and sent him

Headfirst down two very long flights of stairs. He suffered spinal injuries and required microsurgery to repair the intense fracture of his skull. The prognosis at the time was not good: paralysis from the neck down, speech and vision problems, memory loss. The works.

This would only be the beginning of a nearly unbelievable series of events.

Mere days after my wife and I returned from our honeymoon, I received a call from my Uncle (by this point he would be the only one to call me anymore if there was an emergency. Of which there would be several more) informing me that there had been another accident that had sent my dad back into emergency surgery. Apparently one of the orderlies neglected to secure the side rails and he rolled directly out of bed and his head hit the corner of a side table, before landing on his back. His neck snapped when he hit the table, with the added bonus of re-fracturing his skull, not to mention undoing the delicate spinal fusion surgery when he hit the floor.

In other words: he was officially a fucking mess.

Alanya and I immediately raced down to the hospital, where the rest of the family was. She could visibly see just how agitated I suddenly became when the prospect of having to share space with them was presented. She kept reminding me to focus on my uncle and my dad.

“Remember, it’s not about them. It’s about him” she would keep chanting, over and over like a mantra. Somehow the universe heard her and decided it would be super cool if we all showed up at the exact same time so we could cram into the same series of elevators together.

She secretly grabbed my hand and let me squeeze most of the blood out of her’s. My neck and back were soaked with perspiration by the time the final elevator door opened and I nearly, cartoonishly lunged past my family in order to kiss the floor.

Have I mentioned that I don’t do well in hospitals? Hospitals and elevators.

The entire clan made their way, loudly, down the otherwise serene hallways. Past the rooms of the sleeping, the dying, the infirm, and the attending physician stopped to give us a heads up. Michael had massive spinal and neck injuries and his speech was going to be slow, but he was already making a faster recovery than any of them expected. There were sure to be long term effects as a result of this last round of injuries.

One of those was that he would most certainly be a quadriplegic.

When we made our way to his room I thought I was prepared, but nothing could be further from the truth. His head was covered with stitches and rested inside a metal halo, to keep his spine straight and his head from moving. He looked even thinner than the last time I’d seen him, especially his arms and legs. Christ, it hadn’t even been that long since I’d seen him and he looked like a completely different person and to see him so helpless was hard for me reconcile. He had survived so many times and with an unmitigated streak of luck usually only reserved for fictional movie characters, whose salvation is only written as a plot device to make the hero seem invulnerable. Yet, here he was, broken and handicapped by a flight of stairs and a lapse of judgement.

I suddenly realized the depth of what true comedy really meant:

Life is a series of random circumstances delegated by nothing and with no design, and although there seems to be a pattern, it’s really just our mind’s way of protecting us from the fabric of pure chaos.

Or something like that.

He tried to smile and shared a few platitudes about how the Lord has a plan for him and no matter what the outcome was, he’d just trust in him no matter what his will was. Then, when everyone left the room, he asked me to take him outside and sneak him a cigarette. I had an orderly help him into a wheelchair and Alanya and I wheeled him down the hall, into an elevator and out to the smoking terrace. I had to hold the cigarette in his mouth for him and it seemed so surreal to again help my father break the rules, simply because he asked me and I still desperately seeked that approval from him. When I wheeled him back, his nurse could smell the smoke on him. She took me into the hall to dress me down: his lung capacity was weak, his immune system was lowered and he’d just had minor heart surgery. I tried to appear sincere and apologetic, but underneath, I felt like it was one of the last cigarettes we would smoke together.

I quit a month later, a week before they found him in a coma.

At some point during his convalescence, the hospital administrators (I’m assuming this) felt he was becoming a liability and decided a sound course of action was to move him to a full time nursing facility. His condition had been slowly deteriorating during his stay in ICU and so it was decided, without contacting the family, to move him to a state run home.

This predates Yelp, however. Had they had that handy application to research the quality of the place they’d decided to ship him to, they may have reconsidered. Especially since the Attorney General was already investigating the staff for patient abuse and insurance fraud.

Once they started questioning the why and where of what they had done with my father, the hospital decided to obfuscate Instead of volunteer, which caused a weeks long delay in tracking him down.

Here’s where it all goes off the rails...

Eventually, my grandmother finally succeeded in finding his location and with a sheriff’s deputy present, they found his room bolted shut with a padlock from the outside. Once removed, they opened the door and the smell of rot immediately washed through the hallway in waves of sickness and nausea, followed by flies. Lots of flies.

The curtains were drawn and daylight struggled to punch through the holes in the ratted fabric, as they made their way to the hospital bed where Michael lay on his back on a hospital sheet, now yellowed with sweat and blackened with dried human waste. He was unresponsive and when the ambulance arrived, the paramedics noted that his diaper appeared to have been last changed a couple of weeks prior. The decay was so bad that parts of the sheet and diaper had fused to his skin and the flies had been feeding and laying eggs on and in him. The final prognosis, once he was returned to ICU, was that the necrosis caused by the lack of care had created a staph infection that was now in his bone marrow.

It was very unlikely that he would recover, but they kept him on life support for a few weeks in the hopes that his condition might improve.

I only visited him once during this period. I read a copy of Time magazine to him, as suggested by his attending nurse. She told me that coma patients were sometimes very aware of their surroundings and that any positive stimulus might help them recover.

About ten minutes into an article about Guantanamo, my dad opened his eyes and looked at me. He swallowed and licked his lips, trying to bring moisture back to his mouth in an attempt to communicate. I just sat, stunned, as he struggled to speak.

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expectomoony · 8 years ago

Text

Finding the Right Words, a Victeddy fanfic

I started this sooo long ago, which is why the beginning kinda sucks, but I PROMISE it gets better (at least I think it does). anyway, since I’ve finally decided to post my own writing on here, here is my first ever completed fic. enjoy (to anyone that actually reads it).

There are plenty of moments that have occurred throughout my life where the details are rather hazy to me. Parts of the scene are missing, or the dialogue is not exact. However, there is one memory that is sharper than a needle point. Every breath, every word, every movement—all of it is embedded into my mind, never to be forgotten. And at some point, I decided that it would stay unforgotten. Thus convincing me to write down, retell this memory, and the many others that have been sparked by this one. So now I will tell you of a day that changed my life, leading to many more life-changing days. I am going to tell you of the very first time I met Teddy Lupin, and how he shaped my life in ways I could never imagine.

It was Christmas Eve at the Burrow. Every Christmas is sort of like a family reunion with my dad's side of the family, the Weasley side. I don't look anything like a typical Weasley. My younger brother Louis and I both inherited my mother's veela looks—slight, with silvery-blond hair and pale skin. My sister Dominique has a much more Weasley-esque look about her, with her strawberry blond hair and a delicate spray of freckles on her cheeks. But that's beside the point. Anyway, on Christmas, every member of the Weasley family gathered at Gran and Granddad Weasley's home. It was so overcrowded that eventually, Dad and a few others had to set up tents outside for some people to sleep in. Hey, we've got a pretty big family.

It was the Christmas I was ten, just a year before I was due to start at Hogwarts. In fact, I think I was the first of my cousins to start Hogwarts, so at the time, none of us were in school yet. I went to the Burrow with my father and siblings three days before Christmas to help Gran and Granddad. Over the next two days, Uncle Percy and Aunt Audrey came with Molly and Lucy, Uncle George and Aunt Angelina came with Fred and Roxanne, Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione came with Rosie and Hugo, and so on. I bet if I tried to go through everyone who came, I'd be writing for quite a long time. So let's cut to the chase. On Christmas Eve, the Potters came.

Now, because Aunt Ginny was the only daughter Gran ever had, her family is the only one not surnamed Weasley. Not that it's anything to be ashamed of. In fact, I think anyone descended from Harry Potter should be proud. Not that I'm not proud of being a Weasley. I'm just saying.

With Ginny and Harry came my cousins Lily, Albus, and James, who at the time were two, four, and five. However, someone else came too. I remember standing over by the Christmas tree, hanging ornaments. The Potters came through the door, meeting a chorus of greetings. I said hello to everyone, then returned to the tree. When people had cleared, I saw, standing uncomfortably behind Uncle Harry, was a boy who looked about eleven years. He had a shock of aqua hair and warm brown eyes that drew me to him instantly. He wasn't one of Harry and Ginny's sons, but…who was he? I was too shy to ask. So instead I tried completely to ignore the tugging feeling in my gut.

"Hi, Lily!" I said, hugging her.

"Hi, Toire!" She said. She'd been too young to say my name, so that's what she called me.

"Would you like to help me decorate?" I asked, and she nodded enthusiastically. So I hung up all the fragile, glass ornaments, and handed Lily the smaller ones to hang. When that was finished, I sat down to talk to my cousin Lucy, who was about six. The great thing about our family Christmases is that I always had someone to talk to. In fact, sometimes, rather than speaking, I would simply listen. And watch.

For instance, as I looked around the room, I saw Uncle Harry and Uncle Ron standing at Gran's sink, peeling a heaping pile of sprouts with knives, and laughing. Uncle George walked into the kitchen, and Uncle Ron mimed throwing his knife at the empty space next to Uncle George. For reasons unknown to me, this cause tears to slide down the cheeks of the three men, and they sat down, conversing seriously. For a moment I wondered why, and was tempted to ask, but just then my attention was directed elsewhere.

Maman was doing her usual imitation of one of Gran's favorite singers, Celestina Warbeck, a family tradition that had us all laughing every time, even Gran. Apparently the tradition started when most of my aunts and uncles were only about sixteen or seventeen, just barely a year before my parents got married. Dad said that Gran always played Celestina Warbeck on the wireless, and the first Christmas Maman spent with them, she decided to mock the witch's performance. At first, according to Dad, Gran did not find it in the least amusing, but now she laughs and claps along with everyone else. It's quite a show to see my mother flouncing about the room, tossing her hair and belting out songs like, "A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love," and "You Charmed the Heart Right Out of Me."

When Gran offered to let anyone who wanted to help bake cookies, my cousins and I scrambled and squabbled to get into the kitchen. Everyone knew that the first one always got a lick of the dough. When the cookies were baked and everyone was munching on them and chatting away, I sat in silence, noticing another who did the same. That boy, with the turquoise hair, stood off to the side, near the coatrack, as though hoping no one would notice. Instantly I could tell he felt out of place. Of course he would. Anyone who'd never had Christmas with us before would. But I didn't want him to feel that way. I wanted him to feel welcome. More importantly, I wanted to at least know his name.

When the last of the eggnog had been drained from the glasses, and yawns began to fill the air, everyone got the message that it was time to head to bed. It was nearly eleven o'clock, and many of the youngest of the Weasley-Potter clan were already dozing off. Slowly, the sitting room emptied, until I was the only one left. Or so I thought. Figuring I might as well get some rest, I followed my mother upstairs, who was carrying my little brother Louis.

I sat up in the camp bed, unable to lie down and sleep. Something was bothering me, and I knew what it was. I just needed to think about it. So I bundled into my dressing gown and tiptoed down the winding staircase, careful not wake any of my family members. Lightly, I pushed open the front door and stepped out onto the white sheet that blanketed the valley. For some reason, I didn't mind the cold. Instead, I made my way across the yard and settled under a tall, sloping tree, leaning against its smooth bark. I thought I was alone, but that thought vanished quickly when I saw a dark figure stumbling out onto the lawn. I braced myself, but as the figure drew closer, I relaxed, seeing that it was only the mysterious boy. Soon, he came close enough for me to stare closely into his amber eyes. He watched me from a few feet away, then came closer, closer until he was sitting under the tree as well, directly across from me. I didn't speak, and neither did he. We simply stared, quite unsure of what to do.

"I've been watching you all night," the boy's smooth, clear voice broke the silence.

I didn’t meet his gaze “I have, too,” I admitted. “Umm…may I ask…who are you?” I watched for any changes in facial expression. None.

"Teddy," the boy said. "Teddy Lupin." Lupin…

"You're—you're the son of Remus and Tonks, am I right? I've heard lots about them from my parents and my aunts and uncles."

The boy's face hardened. "Yes, they were my parents. I never knew them. My godfather tells me great things about them, but…I've always wished I could see it firsthand."

I nodded, unsure of what to say. "I…I'm really sorry. Honestly. From what I've heard, they were great people."

"Yep," he said. "From what I've heard, too." We sat in the cold, snowy silence, until it was broken by Teddy. "I live with my grandmother," he said, "And I visit with my godfather, Harry, all the time. But I always feel…so alone."

I reached out my hand until it touched his. "But you're not," I whispered, squeezing his hand. It was surprisingly warm, and I felt all the tension and worry and sadness between us just melting away. It was just Teddy and me, in the icy air. And even though I was sitting there, sitting with this eleven-year-old boy, who I'd only met that very day, somehow, nothing else mattered. It was like lightning had struck and left me with something different, something unique, something truly amazing…it had left me with Teddy Lupin.

It was a bit less than a year later, my first day of Hogwarts. Maman gave me a kiss, and whispered, "Good luck, dear." She kissed me on the top of my head.

"Bye," I replied. " See you at Christmas."

I gave my father a hug as well. "Bye, Dad," I said. Then I gave my nine-year-old sister, Dominique, a kiss. "See you soon," I said to her.

She looked up at me with pleading eyes. "You'll write us letters, right?"

I nodded. "Of course." I gave Louis a hug, and then, tugging my trunk, I boarded the Hogwarts Express.

I wandered down the aisles, searching for a place to sit, not paying attention the people in the seats. Suddenly, there was a sharp rap on glass to my left. I jumped and turned. Teddy Lupin was sitting with a few other boys. His face was pressed against the glass, housing an expression I could not quite read, and he beckoned to me. Warily, I stepped closer, and opened the door. It had seemed an alright idea in the moment, but the very minute I sat down, it was completely strange. The other boys in the compartment, about three of them, eyed me, wearily or suspiciously, I couldn't tell. Teddy…well…he looked me straight in the eye, his brown on my blue, and I stared back. He held his gaze for just a few moments before dropping it to his lap, cheeks burning red. Mine felt very similar, so in a search for something to serve as a distraction, I rummaged in my trunk for a book, pulling out the first one I caught hold of. Hogwarts, a History. Excellent. I just couldn't wait to dive into an endless drone of the history behind my thousand-year-old school. (Sarcasm) Aunt Hermione, apparently, quoted this book constantly, which doesn't make it anymore exciting to me. I flipped to a random page, and began reading about the housing of poltergeists and ghosts at Hogwarts. Excellent. I've always wanted to attend a haunted school.

Eventually I got bored (who couldn't?) and lifted my eyes, scanning the small space. There were two boys next to Teddy, one of whom had crossed to the other side to make room for me. One had light brown hair and bluish eyes, the other pale straw hair and a face as pale as milk, eyes the same. The boy on my bench had reddish-blond hair, much like my sister's, and brown eyes. Finally, the silence became too uncomfortable for me to handle, so I broke it.

"So, Teddy…" I started off, searching for something to say. He looked up, somewhat startled, at the mention of his name. "Er - what year are you in again?"

"Third," he replied.

Okay…I needed to find some other type of conversation. Not the weather, not the weather… I told myself. "Um…could you tell me a bit about the classes?"

At this, Teddy seemed to brighten a little. "Yes, of course. There's Charms, which is where you'll learn just about every spell you'll need to know. Transfiguration, well, it's exactly as it sounds. Potions is decent, if you don't mind old Professor Slughorn…he's a fine man, but he's incredibly old…he taught in my father's day! Then there's Defense Against the Dark Arts, my father used to teach it…" he trailed off, staring at his shoes. "Anyway, it's rather fascinating. You'll probably enjoy it, if you're like your father, Bill." And with that he said no more.

The rest of the ride was…uneventful. Teddy made small talk with the other boys, and I gazed out the window at the landscape rushing by, as the blue sky gradually faded to light pink. A plump old witch came by with a cart of snacks, from which Teddy told me I must sample a pumpkin pasty. He said the ones on the Hogwarts Express are the best, and I can tell you from experience that he is 100% correct. The five us swapped chocolate frog cards, and when I ripped open mine, I was surprised by what I saw.

"Hey, Teddy, look at this!" I read the card out loud.

"Ronald Bilius Weasley, born 1st of March, 1980. He is currently married to Hermione Weasley, née Granger. He is probably best known for assisting his best friend, Harry Potter, in defeating the Dark Lord."

Teddy laughed. "It's your uncle Ron! I'd forgotten, Harry told me that he, Ron, and Hermione all got their own cards. If you don't mind, may I keep that one?" "Of course. You don't know how many times Uncle Ron has bragged about having his own card."

We laughed and I handed him the card. He examined it quickly before tucking it into his pocket. Soon he began chatting with his friends, and I reached into my trunk for a piece of parchment and a quill. I dipped the quill in ink and began dictating a letter, although to whom, I'm not sure.

September 1st, 2011 Dear…I left that part blank, since I didn't actually know who I was writing to. It's the first day of school. I got on the Hogwarts Express, searching for a seat. Teddy Lupin gestured for me to join him in his compartment, so I did. It was strange at first. I've only met Teddy once before, at Christmas last year, but we'd only exchanged a few words. So naturally it's been a bit awkward. Teddy told me about some of the classes, and we swapped chocolate frog cards, but now it's strange all over again. He's talking to his friends and I'm sitting in the corner, unsure of what to do. Is this how it's always going to be? I mean, Teddy and I aren't friends. At least not yet. I haven't even developed a proper opinion of him. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. I mean, things change over time, right? Sincerely, Victoire

It was short, but that didn't matter. It wasn't as though I was going to be mailing it, anyway. I folded it up and tucked it away in my trunk. I looked up, suddenly aware of the silence that had settled upon our compartment. All four boys were staring at me. I felt my cheeks flush a brilliant pink.

"What?" I asked, feeling incredibly self-conscious.

"Well…" Teddy said, evidently embarrassed himself. "It's just that…we're almost to the school. And…we should probably change into our robes. Which means…"

"Oh." Realization dawned on me. "I-um…I'll go find another compartment. With a girl."

And with that I grabbed my robes and left. I found a compartment with a girl named Penelope, and once I was changed, I returned to where the boys were. They too had changed into their robes, and the atmosphere was not quite as awkward as it had been minutes before. The four boys were clowning around, tossing something back and forth, yelling like hooligans. I rolled my eyes and took my seat, picking up my copy of A History of Magic. I'll admit, while I previously had no intention of studying history, I found that it actually was rather interesting. I read for the remainder of the trip, while the boys engaged in whatever else thirteen-year-old wizard boys do.

When the train pulled into Hogsmeade station, it was a mad dash to the exit. I was instructed to leave my trunk the train, and so I wandered into the sea of students. I found Penelope, the girl who'd let me change in her compartment, and together we boarded one of the tiny rowboats first years were supposed to arrive at Hogwarts in. The lake glittered in an eerie sort of way, but that made me even more excited. Penelope and I chatted excitedly about what house we might be sorted into as we paddled closer and closer to the silhouette of Hogwarts in the distance. Secretly I didn't think I could ever be sorted into Gryffindor like the rest of my family (besides Maman, of course). I didn't think I was that brave—I didn't feel like I was that brave. If anything, I'd be a Ravenclaw or maybe a Hufflepuff.

Before I knew it we had arrived at the castle. I, along with the other first-years, exited the boats and followed the half-giant Rubeus Hagrid into the castle, where we were met by Headmistress McGonagall. The first-years gathered in the Great Hall, and I watched as Teddy took his seat at the Hufflepuff table. Truth be told, I had no idea which house I wanted to be sorted into. Every Weasley, including my father, had been sorted into Gryffindor. My mum went to Beaxbatons, obviously, so I didn't have anything else to go by. All I could hope was that I didn't disappoint my family.

It's true that I hadn't really realized just how far to the end of the alphabet Weasley is until I sat through at least 80 other names being called. Penelope Duplo, the girl I'd met on the train, had been sorted into Ravenclaw. Before I knew it, "Weasley, Victoire" had been called. I stumbled up to the stool, where the hat was slipped over my eyes. Ah, Miss Weasley. The very first of the new generation. How excited I am to sort you.

Not going to lie, hearing his voice in person for the first time was slightly unnerving, even after hearing all my relatives describe their sorting experiences. The Hat's voice was frosty and yet crackled like fire. In a word, indescribable.

My, you come from a long line of Weasleys. But there's a chance you mayn't be like the rest. Clearly you've got courage, but enough for Gryffindor? No. I will admit, my heart dropped just a bit when he said this. I wasn't good enough for Gryffindor? No Weasley had ever been told that. But perhaps he was right.

Ah, disappointed? I thought you would be. My apologies, dear Victoire, but I only want the best house for you. Most certainly not Slytherin…but Hufflepuff… I immediately thought to Teddy. I didn't love Hufflepuff, but being in the same house as Teddy wouldn't be so bad…

Oh, I see, you have a preference…however, I don't think Hufflepuff is the place for you. I guess it had better be…RAVENCLAW!

Well, Ravenclaw wasn't bad at all. I'd kind of automatically assumed I'd be in Gryffindor, given my family history, but hey, Ravenclaw meant I was smart. Nice. Plus, I was in the same house as Penelope. I wasn't with Teddy, but he was a third year anyway. I wouldn't have seen him that much regardless. I took my seat next to Penelope.

After dinner we were shown to our dormitories. Having not known anyone in Ravenclaw, except for maybe Aunt Luna, I had no idea what to expect. Let me just say, the Ravenclaw dormitories and common room are about the most exquisitely beautiful places. But that night I was so tired, I barely had time to notice. As soon as I reached my room, I hit the silk pillowcase and fell asleep.

My first year went by rather quickly, with almost no real interactions with Teddy. He said hi to me in the hallways, of course, and he and his grandmother spent Christmas with us once again, but nothing real happened. You know what I mean. This is about my relationship with Teddy, and nothing in my first year happened that's worth including. Second year wasn't much either. In fact, it wasn't until I was in third year and he was in fifth that sparks started to fly between us. (Yes, I'm cheesy. Deal with it.)

Okay, I know I said nothing happened in second year, but the truth was that Teddy and I slowly became better friends. By October of my third year, seeing each other wasn't awkward. After two years, it was just natural. Then Teddy asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him.

Now, just so we're clear, it wasn't like, on a date or anything. In fact, he hadn't exactly asked me. He'd just asked if I was going to Hogsmeade, and when I told him I was, he said that we should meet up. But thirteen-year-old-me was too confused to think completely logically, and I freaked out to Penelope on the way there. "What will he want to talk about? What if I make myself look stupid?"

"Relax," Penelope reassured me. "He just wants to hang out. As friends. Because that's all you are. Just friends." At the time, I'd been too distracted to notice it, but it almost seemed as though Penelope was reassuring herself more than she was me.

What was I worried about anyway? Teddy and I were friends. We'd hung out before, and this wasn't any different. In the very depths of my mind, though, I felt as though it was. I entered the Three Broomsticks, trying not to draw attention to myself. Teddy had said he'd be in a booth near the back, so I wandered towards there till I caught sight of his aqua hair. I slid into the seat across from him.

"Hey, Victoire!" He smiled brightly. "I was wondering where you'd gotten off to."

I laughed nervously. The great thing about Teddy was that he could make anyone comfortable, no matter the circumstance. We chatted aimlessly about classes and the weather and anything, really. We both ordered butterbeers with extra foam and we both ended up with whipped cream mustaches. It was so much fun, and I left the Three Broomsticks in the brisk October wind feeling like I was glowing.

Back in my dormitory, I pulled out my parchment and quill to write. Over the last two years I'd made a habit of writing letters, specifically whenever something had happened with Teddy. I'd found it was like a diary, a good outlet for my feelings.

One word: glowing. That's how I feel right now. Teddy and I went to the Three Broomsticks. Yes, I know, it's not a big deal, but considering how nervous I was, it was pretty great, and not at all awkward. I can't believe I was so freaked out! I mean, here I was, lamenting over this for a week, ranting to Penelope, and nothing embarrassing or awful even happened. Now that I think about, why was I even nervous in the first place? I mean, this is Teddy. I've known him for three years. We're friends. It shouldn't be awkward. It wasn't awkward. It was especially funny, though, when Teddy and I got whipped cream all over our faces. We both laughed so hard.

This became our tradition for the next two years, although it didn't always end well. That's for later, though. Right now I've got to talk about the Yule Ball, in my fourth year.

I know what you're thinking. No, we did not hold the Triwizard Tournament. But Professor McGonagall thought it would be a good "bonding experience" for the students. She even invited the students from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons, which was nice because I got to see Dom. Anyway, about a week before the ball, I was standing outside the great hall, chatting with my sister, when Teddy walked up.

"Hey, Dom," He greeted. Then he turned to me. "Hey, do you want to go to the Yule Ball with me? It can be just as friends if you want. I don't really care. But what do you say?"

I stared, speechless. Teddy was asking me to the Yule Ball? Why? He looked at me, waiting for an answer.

"Uh…yes, sure, of course. And, as friends, if you'd like."

Teddy nodded. "Okay, that's what I thought." He caught himself. "That you'd want to go as friends. Not that you'd say yes. I didn't know that." Then he turned and walked off in the other direction, muttering to himself.

Dominique giggled. "Smooth."

I shoved her lightly. "Shut up."

The night of the ball was nerve-wracking, to say the least. At 5:30 I stood in front off the full length mirror in our dormitory, staring at myself. I wore a knee-length light pink dress that complimented my long silvery-blond hair. Nellie wore a dark green dress that looked rather stunning with her strawberry blonde hair. From the corner of my eye, I noticed her watching me with an envious sort of glint in her eye. I didn't ask, though, and we walked down the Great Hall together. We stopped in front of the doors, and, inhaling simultaneously, stepped through.

Oh, it was definitely breathtaking. So stunning I couldn't possibly describe it in words, or a picture, or anything. I'd never seen the Great Hall like this before, and I couldn't help but wonder why they didn't hold this ball more often. I looked to my right to see Teddy, whose turquoise hair clashed with his silvery-gray dress robes. We locked eyes, and he grinned and sidled up to me. "You're looking rather fine this evening, Miss Weasley."

My cheeks flushed pink, but I smiled. "Why thank you. You're not looking too bad yourself, Mister Lupin."

Teddy took my hand and we danced. It was around 11 that Teddy whispered in my ear, "Did you hear? They've got a garden area set up outside, same as the last time they held the Yule Ball." And, grasping my hand, he pulled me outside. We wove through the shrubbery maze until we found a secluded area and sat down on a stone bench. Snowflakes began to fall, creating a perfect scene.

"Hey," Teddy said softly. "Remember the last time we were out in the snow alone together?"

I smiled. "How could I not? It was the first time we met, after all."

"Gosh, has it really been four years? It feels like a long time, but at the same time…no time at all." Teddy looked into my eyes and smiled.

I know what you're thinking, and no, we did not kiss. Well, not really, anyway. Teddy just sort of planted a light kiss on my cheek, and that was that. Well, almost. With the snow falling lightly around us, it did feel kind of magical.

That night I sat up in my bed, scribbling a new letter on a fresh piece of parchment.

Teddy asked me to the Yule Ball, and I'll admit I was a bit nervous and confused at first. I mean, out of all the girls at the school, why would Teddy pick me? Even if we did go as friends. Friends indeed, he kissed my cheek! What am I supposed to think about that? Nothing, I guess, I mean it was a friendly gesture more than it was romantic. If Teddy had wanted it to be romantic, he would've kissed me for real. And for the sake of our friendship I'm glad that he didn't. Right?

So I guess after that I had my hopes up for mine and Teddy's relationship. Over the course of that year, I think my feelings for Teddy began to get stronger. For the first time, I didn't deny that my feelings for Teddy were more than just those of two friends. And that's what scared me the most.

I didn't spend as much time with Teddy in the next few months, but that was mainly due to our completely different schedules. Then a Hogsmeade trip came up, and I got excited. Hogsmeade was how Teddy and I had hung out for basically the past year and a half, and even though Teddy hadn't actually said anything to me, I kind of assumed we'd meet up at the Three Broomsticks like always.

So imagine my surprise when I walk past the window on my way to the door, only to see Teddy sitting at the booth with another girl. I had gone to Hogsmeade alone, Nellie had plans (plans? Seriously? We're best friends, for Pete's sake.) and Rachel and Alessia, the other girls in my dormitory, were staying at school. Curious as to who else could be with Teddy, I turned and pressed my face to the glass, examining the girl. Her strawberry-blonde ponytail swung around and I saw her face. I gasped. It was Nellie.

My best friend blew me off for my maybe-sort-of-possible crush and longtime friend?! Well I mean, it's not like Nellie could've known. And Teddy obviously. But it would explain why Teddy had been avoiding me like the plague that week, and why Nellie had been so vague about her plans for the weekend. I couldn't believe it.

Of course, it was possible that they just wanted a chance to hang out without me around. But when I looked at them, I saw Nellie giggle and Teddy swung his arm around her, pulling her close. Okay, Teddy had never done that to me (aside from that whole kissing-on-the-cheek-thing). It was official—there was something going on between them—and I hated it.

I didn't even stay for the rest of the day. I stomped home in the chilly spring air and once I was back at school, I threw myself onto my bed and did the only thing I could think of—I wrote another letter.

If I could describe how I feel right now in a color, it would be red. Hot, burning, angry red. Mixed with some blue sadness and gray betrayal. Why do I feel betrayed? Because Nellie went on a possible date with Teddy! Oh goodness, I'm a terrible friend. Am I? I mean, I SHOULD be upset at them. Especially Nellie, for going out with Teddy and not bothering to tell me. And Teddy! The nerve of him, asking me to the Yule Ball, KISSING ME on the CHEEK, basically blatantly ignoring me, and then going out with my best friend! I'm seething with rage as of now. It's just…I know I shouldn't be mad at either of them. They do have every right to go out together, without me. I guess…I guess the real reason I'm upset isn't because I feel betrayed, it's because…I feel jealous?

I sighed, not knowing what to do. I packed away my letter and writing supplies and changed into my pajamas, falling dramatically back onto my bed. When I checked the time, it was only 4:30. I had some homework, but that could wait…I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up next to Nellie clomping in, her hair tangled and cheeks flushed from the wind. She had the biggest grin on her face, and when she spoke, it was like she was a fairy ringing bells or something weirdly floaty like that. "Oh gosh, I just had the most amazing afternoon…" she trailed off, looking at me (nervously or expectantly? I couldn't tell).

I bit back my resentment and smiled. "Really? What did you do?" I waited to see if she'd tell me the truth or not, given how secretive she'd been before.

Just as I expected, Nellie hesitated. Finally she said, "I was at the Three Broomsticks. With…a friend." A friend?! Seriously? Since when were she and Teddy so chummy all of a sudden?

"Oh, really? Who? Anyone I know?"

Nellie bit her lip and said, "Um…yes, actually, er…Teddy Lupin?"

I felt slightly better knowing that at least Nellie was honest and truthful and didn't try to lie or avoid answering because frankly, that would've been even worse. I put on a faux smile and said, "Oh, that's…nice. Did you two have fun?"

Nellie seemed to relax slightly, knowing that I was (or at least appeared to be) okay with it. "Yes, actually, lots. We had a drink at the Three Broomsticks and then we went to Honeydukes and actually, Teddy's asked me on a second date next week…" Nellie faltered, her eyes growing wide, like she'd just let slip the secrets of the universe.

"How nice," I managed. "Er, I think I'm going to sleep now, it's quite late…"

"Victoire, it's only 6:45."

I cursed inwardly for not checking the time. "Yes, but I'm very tired, long day, you know? I should really sleep. See you tomorrow, Nellie." And that was that.

It became clear by the next week that Penelope Duplo was dating Teddy Lupin. The entirety of fourth and sixth years were talking about it, which I didn't understand because honestly it wasn't that big of a deal. Yeah, sure, she was a fourth year and he was in sixth, and yeah, she was a Ravenclaw and he was a Hufflepuff but really. Other than that, I couldn't understand why everyone was so hyped about it. Then, two weeks later, I found out.

I was in the library, browsing the history section. I'd become very interested in history in the last few years, to the point where I read history books for fun. Anyway, as I walked further down the aisle, I heard voices growing louder.

"—crazy, isn't it?" Someone asked.

"Without a doubt," the other voice agreed. "I mean, who would've thought? I always thought Teddy would end up with Victoire Weasley, not her best friend."

The other voice sighed. "Yeah, you're not the only one who thought that."

I blanched. People thought I should be dating Teddy? How messed up is that? Suddenly I thought of something. If Nellie found out, she'd hate me, not to mention she'd feel really hurt. So I arrived back to my dorm with baited breath, hoping Nellie hadn't heard. Thankfully, she hadn't, and I don't think she ever did at all while she and Teddy were dating.

They dated for…hmm…I want to say, 3 months? Maybe 4? I honestly didn't keep track. I didn't want to keep track. But I do know they started dating sometime in February, and I do remember Nellie coming to me in tears that May telling me she and Teddy had broken up. She never did tell me exactly who ended it, but I always had the slightest suspicion that Teddy was the one who dumped her. I couldn't believe it, but as guilty as I felt, I was almost happy that they'd broken up. Okay, scratch that, I was very happy they'd broken up. Sue me, I'm a terrible friend, but it's not as though I can control my own feelings. So the two weeks after their breakup I spent in a gloriously happy high, all while trying to pull Nellie through her equally miserable time.

Somehow I made it through fourth year without any more "complications". Then fifth year came around and Teddy was in seventh and it was the first year that Teddy and I didn't really hang out. I'd seen him less and less in fourth year, and to be honest, I really think Nellie made things awkward between us, and for a while a resented her for that. Yes, Nellie was my best friend, but it wasn't fair of her to come between someone so important to me, even if it was unintentional. And in case you're wondering, for the remainder of fourth year and all throughout I kept writing letters. And that was actually what got me into a hell of a lot of trouble.

This was November of my fifth year, just after Halloween. My last letter was from Halloween, when Teddy had asked me if I wanted to get a butterbeer after dinner and we'd spent about an hour in the Hufflepuff common room, chatting airily and drinking. It had been a major point in our interactions since, well, the Yule Ball pretty much. So of course I'd written about it. And I didn't really think much of that afterwards. But then I came back to our dormitory, only to find Nellie sitting on my bed, eyes glued to several pieces of parchment in her hands. With a jolt, I realized they were my letters.

Nellie was reading one with a horrified (or furious?) expression on her face. I noticed her eyes were red. Had she been crying?

She suddenly realized I was standing there, and she shot up from the bed, the remaining letters falling off the sheets and fluttering to the ground. "How could you?" Nellie's eyes flashed with anger.

"How could I what?" The best thing to do was assume I knew nothing.

"Don't play stupid with me, Victoire Apolline Weasley. You wrote these—these letters about Teddy, and how much you hated our relationship! The best three months of my life!" Tears ran down her cheeks.

And then I was mad. "Penelope, you have no right to be upset, considering the fact that those letters were private! They were like my diary, and you had no right to read them! How did you even find those?"

Penelope reddened a bit, and I knew that she had secretly known she shouldn't have read them. "I…I was looking for your potions textbook, since I couldn't find mine and I figured you wouldn't mind if I borrowed yours. So I started rummaging through your trunk and these fell out. They were wrapped in string and I didn't know what they were so I took the first one out and started reading it." She took a deep breath. "I…I knew I shouldn't have. I knew it was wrong. But I just couldn't help myself. I realized they were about Teddy and I got even curiouser. And then I read about the letters from when we were dating…and I got upset. I'm sorry, Victoire."

I stared. One minute she was screaming at me, the next she was apologizing? Hormones, clearly. But I couldn't just ignore her apology. It was the right thing of her to do, after all, even if it was spawned from doing the wrong thing. "Thank you for apologizing, Nellie. And…I'm sorry I was jealous of you and Teddy. I should have been a better friend about that. And I should forgive you for reading my letters, but…that's going to take some time. Not a long time, but some time all the same. Especially since you should've known. I trusted you, after all."

Nellie hung her head. "I know, and I completely understand. I don't deserve for you to trust me after this." She was quiet for a moment. "Victoire…were you actually mad at me for going out with Teddy? And happy when we broke up?"

I sighed. "A little, yes, but I'm over that. It doesn't matter anymore."

And just like that the conversation was over. It took some time for Nellie and I to be completely over the fight, but eventually we got back to where we were before. And then suddenly Teddy was major in my life again.

It was Christmas. Teddy and Andromeda came to the Burrow again that year, which I was excited about. All the usual traditions took place, and after Gran put the cookies in the oven, we all sat down in the living room. While Uncle George was retelling his and Uncle Fred's escape from Hogwarts, I sat down at the foot of the tree, staring into the fire. I felt a presence next to me and turned to see Teddy Lupin. He gave me a sly grin. I'd spent enough time around Uncle George to know what that meant.

I rolled my eyes. "What did you do?" I had become so accustomed to my cousins and uncles (one uncle in particular) causing trouble throughout the years, so I had a feeling that nothing Teddy could've done would surprise me.

But Teddy simply smiled. "You'll see. Just wait until James takes a bite of his turkey leg."

And so when dinner came, everyone sat around the dining table. Gran made the blessing, and then the food was served. Sure enough, James got a leg and he eagerly picked it up to take a bite. One minute everything was peaceful. The next, there was a yellow flash and a stream of pus squirted from the plump part of the leg. James yelped and recoiled in horror (disgust, probably, too), as he threw the leg across the table. It landed on Lily's plate and she screamed and glared at James, probably because yellow-white pus was still streaming from the thing.

The adults were kind of at a loss for actions and words. Harry's face was in his hands, probably because two of his children had just completely disrupted dinner (even though it was actually Teddy who had done the disruption part of it). The younger kids were all stifling giggles behind their hands, and I turned to my left and realized Teddy had ducked under the table, he was laughing so hard. Luckily, no one noticed. Gran was muttering about how something must have gone wrong in the oven, while I kept my mouth shut.

Once everyone had gotten over the initial shock, the mess was cleaned up and dinner went on without another hitch. The mystery of who charmed James's turkey leg was never solved, and the only ones who ever knew the culprit were me and the culprit himself.

I think it was just after Christmas break, when we were sitting on the train going back to Hogwarts, when I had a realization. This was my last time I would be on a train to Hogwarts with Teddy. Ever since my first day, he and I had sat in a compartment together. It had become a tradition, and now the tradition was going to come to an end because Teddy was in his seventh and final year.

I swear we must have had a mental connection at that moment because he leaned over and whispered, "This is the last time we're going to Hogwarts together, you know."

I leaned back in surprise. "Yes, actually…I was just thinking about that."

"Aww," Teddy mocked. "You're going to miss me."

I scoffed. "I won't miss you. In fact, I'll actually be at peace for once."

Teddy leaned back in his seat, his arm tossed casually around my shoulders. "Oh, Victoire, don't you wish."

He wasn't wrong, you know.

Maybe it had to do with our exchange on the train, but the rest of fifth year went by way too fast for me. Before I knew it, I was attending Teddy's graduation ceremony. I sat in one of the golden rows with Andromeda, my parents and siblings, and all my Weasley aunts, uncles, and cousins. Everyone was excited to see Teddy graduate. With a jolt, I realized that until I was born, Teddy was technically the only child. I looked down to see Uncle Harry discreetly wiping a tear from his eye, and I realized he might not be the only adult with runaway emotions that day. Andromeda didn't even try to hide the fact that tears of pride were streaking their way down her cheeks.

I looked up on the stage to see rows of students, about one hundred and forty of them. They wore traditional plain back graduation robes (wizard-style), with matching caps (also wizard-style). I noticed many of them shifting nervously in their seats. I even caught a few teary faces and realized how emotional this actually must be. I waited somewhat impatiently for the ceremony to start.

Soon enough, Headmistress McGonagall stepped up to the podium, magnifying her voice with her wand. She went on and on about how hard the students had worked to get there, how many opportunities awaited them, etc. I didn't really pay attention though. I was more focused on Teddy, whose last name had placed him smack dab in the middle of all the students. He caught me looking and made eye contact, giving me a small smirk accompanied by a wink. I blushed a little a grinned back. Then McGonagall began calling up names. Pretty soon she got to Teddy. Instead of his usual cocky saunter, he strode up there with pride, all kidding aside. He received his diploma and returned to his seat, all traces of his previous smirk vanished. I waited patiently until the end of the ceremony, which was when my family and Andromeda would hold a graduation party for Teddy. I was excited at the prospect of not only my cousins and food, but also of possibly spending some extra time with Teddy. My wish came true just two hours later, outside of the Burrow.

Surprisingly, I found Teddy seated the beneath the tree where we very fist conversed. He had a look of…what, sadness, on his face? I couldn't tell. Silently, I sat down across from him. He looked up when he felt my presence.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," I said. "What's up?"

Teddy sighed. "Nothing, I guess…it's just that now I'm done with school, I don't really know what I want to do with my life. Where to go. What to do. Who to be. Not to mention, I'll miss Hogwarts tremendously. And…" He seemed to hesitate. "…and you."

I felt my face and insides go warm. Teddy was going to miss me? I'd never felt more special. "Well…" I said, considering my words, "You can always go back and visit Hogwarts. You could even teach there if you really wanted to. And I…I'm not going anywhere. For now, anyways." I smiled shyly at him. He returned the smile. Then, without saying anything, Teddy leaned over and hugged me. Tightly. I hugged him back and honestly, it was as peaceful and content as I'd ever felt up until then.

The summer passed so much quicker than I wanted, and before I knew it I was on the train that would take me into my sixth year. Without Teddy. It was all I could do to keep from having an emotional meltdown.

I was seated in a compartment with Molly, Louis, Fred, and James. I would have sat with Nellie, but she had prefect duty and wouldn't come until later. My cousins were discussing what house Fred and James would be sorted into. I wasn't paying attention though. I couldn't stop thinking about Teddy. Eventually, though, I knew what to do. I was surprised I hadn't thought of it sooner.

I reached into my trunk and pulled out a quill, ink pot, and a roll of parchment. Looking at the materials before me, I sighed. I hadn't written one in so long. I picked up the quill and pressed it to the paper.

I can't stop thinking about Teddy. I miss him so much. We always sat in the same compartment on the train, but now it's just me and my cousins. And what I am I supposed to do in Hogsmeade without him to make a stupid comment about whipped cream all over my face? Or in the Hufflepuff common room while we help each other study? How am I even supposed to get through this year? Teddy's always been around to talk to, when I'm having a bad day or I just need to relax. Now he's off in London looking for a job, and I'm just another girl who's still in school. I can write to him, sure…but it's not really the same I guess. I don't want to know what it's like not to be around Teddy all the time. I've had a little crush on Teddy for a while now, but I think…I think I might be in love with him. I really think I might be in love with Teddy Lupin.

Two days later, I sat up in my dormitory. My classmates were holding a first day of classes party, but I didn't really want to join them. I needed a way to rid my mind of Teddy. The only way to do that, though, was to tell him how I really felt. But how was I supposed to do that? Floo powder? Write him a letter? And anyway, no matter how many times I rehearsed them in my head, I just couldn't seem to find the right words to tell him how I felt. I sat on my bed, staring out the window at the stars glittering in the night sky.

Suddenly, I knew exactly how to tell Teddy how I felt. I rummaged through my trunk, pulling out six years' worth of letters. I finally knew who I was writing to. Hastily I grabbed a quill and scribbled Teddy's name in all the blank spaces. In the last letter, the one I'd written just days ago, I scratched out sincerely and wrote love. Then I folded them neatly, one by one, in order, and bound them with some string. I tied them to Beau's leg and watched him fly off.

The next morning at breakfast I received a note. It was only two words, with no signature. Me too. It was only two words, but it was all I needed.

One year later

Seventh year. I couldn't believe that in just minutes, I would board the Hogwarts express and begin my seventh and final year at Hogwarts. Time passed so quickly. I was seriously having trouble processing. I stood apart from the rest of my family, wanting a bit of time to myself just to take it all in one last time.

Not five minutes had passed when I felt someone come up behind me. I turned to see the familiar brown eyes and turquoise hair of Teddy Lupin, and my heart swelled. I thought back to my very first time on the train, how he had invited me to sit with him, how awkward it had been. I couldn't believe how much we'd grown, physically, mentally, together, since then.

"Hey," he said softly, grabbing my hand. Ever since we'd professed our love to each other a year ago, all my time with him had been bliss (as sappy as that sounds, there's no other real way to describe it). Like snowflakes falling on a perfect winter night, where even though it's cold and you miss the warmth, it's beautiful and you never want it to end. "I remember standing in your place two years ago. It's hard, isn't it?"

"Definitely," I nodded. "I can't believe this is really my last time. I'm a little scared, actually."

"Don't be," Teddy said. "Don't think about what's coming next. Just savor the time you have and let time take its course."

I laughed a little. "When did you become a philosopher, Mr. Lupin?"

"Oh, I'd say around the time I met you, Miss Weasley." Before I could do or say anything, Teddy put one hand around my waist and the other on my shoulder. He leaned into me and pressed his lips onto mine.

I closed my eyes and kissed him back, hard and meaningfully yet soft and gentle and the same time. If I had ever felt amazing around Teddy before, those times were nothing compared to how I felt now. Standing there, kissing Teddy, about to start my seventh year, I couldn't think of anything that could ever compare to this.

The End

so after reading this, I kind of wish I’d built up their relationship more, included a few detailed scenes of them getting to know each other better. but then again, I think was less of an play-by-play account of their time together, but more of a commentary from Victoire about how she felt throughout it all? maybe someday I’ll write some “deleted scenes” where I develop their relationship more than I did here. anyway, I hope that if you read this, you enjoyed it!! thanks sm!!

#fanfic #victoire weasley #teddy lupin #victeddy #victoire x teddy #marie's writing #original content #original story #harry potter next generation #harry potter fanfiction

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canaryatlaw · 7 years ago

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Alright, so today was good. I successfully convinced myself to get out of bed at 10:15, so that's progress. I'm hoping I can fall asleep on only one Xanax tonight but I'm not gonna push it if it's not working. Anyway, I got up and got dressed, then pretty soon after headed out to brunch to meet my cousin with my brother. This is the cousin who's baby shower I was at two weeks ago and she's due in mid-July, so by the next time I'm in NY she'll have had the baby. I'm so excited to be an unofficial aunt!! Lol. I'm hoping it's a girl, so I can buy a ton of adorable little girl clothes, because they're so adorable they just make me melt. And if not I can always just give them to my other friend who is having a girl a week or so afterwards, so that works lol. We were going to this place's new location that I'd been to their old one of, but it's. Even some time. I ended up getting a Belgian waffle with berries, and it was okay, not as good as I was expecting but oh well. The conversation was good, we talked about the baby and upcoming delivery as well as just catching up on each other's lives and the latest adventures we've had, and of course some gossip from our former school lol which is always both interesting and rather ridiculous, so that's always enjoyable. But yeah, overall it was a pleasant meal. Drove back with my brother and discussed various legal things, which is what most of our conversations consist of because it's pretty much the only topic we can have a civil conversation about without it devolving into some sort of argument (sigh). I have been needling him lately just because I can get away with it by like when someone would say something related to men and women but fairly benign I'd just like sigh and be like "ugh, the patriarchy" or "thanks patriarchy" (in the way one would say thanks Obama) and I know it always gets a rise out of him and I immediately have to tell him I'm kidding and just teasing him but he still is all peeved about it and it's so funny, it feels like finally getting a very small amount of payback for all the torture he gave me in our childhood (double sigh, but not getting into that now). By the time we got home we didn't have all that much time before we had to head to the grad party for our family friend's youngest son, so I worked on cleaning out my purse in an attempt to find my insurance card, which was unsuccessful much to my irritation. I'm hoping I'll find it when I get back to Chi tomorrow and I just like left it somewhere random, otherwise I have to order a new one which is a pain, and they always want to make a copy of it when I go to PT appointments so I know they wouldn't be pleased if I didn't have it. Sigh. My purse definitely needed to be cleaned out anyway though haha, it was collecting a lot of junk papers and dirt at the bottom. It's not too worn out, but I'm not sure how much more life it has in it. I can probably get it to last through August at least when I come back to New York. I tend not to do very much personal shopping when I'm in Chi just because I like doing those things with other people and usually just do them with my sister. I was anxious to get to the party because I wanted to see my friend, the older brother of the kid who graduated that I grew up with and did shows with, who I haven't seen since December when we saw jersey boys, and my parents tend to take forever to get places (much to my eternal irritation) so I went ahead with my younger brother and my younger sister, since we apparently needed multiple cars for people to leave at different times anyway. We arrived on time, but we're still some of the first people there besides a few family members. It was mostly family people arriving at first, most of whom we know because we've seen them at many many parties over the years. They always have a huge 4th of July party with all of the family in attendance because their oldest son's birthday is July 3rd and their dad's birthday is July 5th, so with the 4th already being a holiday it just makes sense to have a party, so I'm used to seeing these people every year. There were some children, a little boy that was 20 months old, and then two little girls, the older of which I had played with at the 4th of July party two years ago and ended up pushing her on the swing and talking to her for a good amount of time, because I love children of course lol. I knew she wouldn't remember though, she's 5 years old haha. And then her younger sister is about 2, and I don't think I've seen her before. So I was playing with them a bit and then assisting in getting their dog in the back because the older girl was absolutely petrified of her (she's about 20 pounds a giant ball of black and white fluff, but children aren't always rational) and then helped them set up a movie in the super intense home theatre they have (they're like giant movie buffs) so just like slowly winning the kids trust lol so I enjoyed that. We stayed at the party pretty much all night, mostly hanging with my friend and sister, but also talking to various people throughout it. The second oldest brother who is my age and I was good friends with for years when we were younger (until his younger brother started doing theatre with me and we became much closer) had his new girlfriend there, who by all accounts is his first girlfriend, so we spent a while talking to her and teasing him about various things. This is the boy I took to prom and have known literally my whole life, so I definitely get to tease him about this lol. She was really nice though and I like her a lot, so I'm happy for him. At one point in high school, like freshman year, I thought I might have romantic feelings for him, but it was a very fleeting thought and passed rather quickly. If I was interested, I would've made a move a long time ago lol so I'm just happy for him. His younger brother however is a more complicated story. I've kind of vacillated between considering him romantically or just platonically for a few years now. I think I'm romantically attracted to him but not sexually attracted to him? Like I think we could have a great romantic relationship and I'm attracted to that potential but I can't see us really having a sexual relationship. And I mean, he's one of my best friends and has been for years, we're really close and have done so much together and just really enjoy each other's company, so I think to some degree those type of romantic feelings are just a result of that. I have zero idea if he has any attraction to me, it's never a subject we've broached and honestly not one I've ever considered actually broaching with him. I figured if he decided to bring it up I'd probably be willing to give it a chance, but I'm not gonna just go for it when I'm not sure how I feel. Anyway, I'm getting off topic. I enjoyed talking to everyone though, even if I had to ignore a few comments that bugged me a bit for the sake of not starting fights at family events. There was a bit of a spat between my mother and my sister, starting over my sister's shirt that my mother didn't approve of, and then moving on to the subject of therapy. My mom was saying she doesn't want to do it because she doesn't think my sister needs it, and I was just like "well you're not in her mind so you can't really make that determination" and basically just ended up mediating the fight while also advocating for my sister. I've always, always encouraged parents to take their teenagers feelings seriously and not just blow them off as teenagers being overdramatic and hormonal. Teens aren't stupid, they have strongly developed feelings like any adult would and if they say they're struggling you need to listen to them and take them seriously. I know too many parents who didn't and it ended up really hurting their kid and their relationship with their kid because of it. By the end of it my mom wasn't fully convinced, she said we'll talk about it more, but I'm gonna keep on her about it by phone because I very strongly feel this is something that needs to happen. My mom was objecting that my sister doesn't open up to her and she needs to do that before she can open up to someone else, but I said I think the exact opposite is true, that if she gets comfortable opening up to someone else it's more likely that she will start opening up to my mother, and that did seem to make sense to her. So hopefully she's considering it. I'm not a psychologist, but I know my sister has anxiety issues and I've been saying that since she was like 8 and started doing poorly in school, and she often says she feels like she has issues controlling her anger and I feel like that definitely needs to be addressed. So hopefully that will work out. I think we ended up leaving around 9, and upon getting home I immediately grabbed my laptop and tuned in to the live recording of the DCTV podcasts marathon they've been doing all day that I was just then being able to listen to, and I spent the better part of two hours listening to that and commenting in the chat while also doing various other computer things. It's always my goal in the chat to say something that gets them to mention it on the actual recording, and I was successful twice tonight, both with very funny reactions, so I felt good about that. After that ended I got in the shower then went on my phone for a bit before writing this post, and now I'm gonna go to sleep because I have to wake up nice and early to get to the airport in the morning. Goodnight my lovelies. Sleep restfully.

#daily journal #June 2017

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cottoncandysoul · 7 years ago

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phaedra thomas | 23 | firestarter | bisexual submissive

ON THE EVE OF PHAEDRA'S BIRTH -

"What if she comes out wrong?" A soft honeyed voice strikes a familiar chord deep within him, igniting a low growl in response. "She won't come out wrong, darling. You and I know this for a fact," he reassures her, guiding his thumb back and forth over the hills of her knuckles. "But what if she doesn't, 'Gene? What if she comes out wrong?" Her inquiry is reiterated with much more force this time and her teeth clench while another contraction causes the muscles in her belly to spasm uncontrollably. There's no pain like that of childbirth and women around the globe, since the dawn of time, had given birth time and again. Alexis Thomas was just one of millions, yet she couldn't quiet this sense of forboding she felt. Her husband consistently called her crazy, labeled her fit for the looney bin, actually, but magic had been in her family for generations - centuries, really and there was a one in a million chance their little one could be born... evil.

It was a silly superstition and she shouldn't have allowed the Seer to pull her into her shop, to read her palm while eight months swollen, to warn her of the impending darkness she was attempting to reap. When said Seer had come after her with a knife to kill the little on in her belly, she'd left as quickly as she'd been coerced and she'd never gone back. But this lingering doubt hadn't ceased in the past four weeks and now? With Phaedra's birth so close, her first daughter eager to meet them, to embrace the world around her, Alexis wondered if they were doing the right thing.

"Sweetheart, we've been over this time and again. Nothing is going to happen. Phaedra is going to be beautiful just like you, headstrong just like me and we're probably going to be at our wit's end time and again, but she will not be evil. Now, breathe and let's bring our little one into the world, okay?" Her husband's voice soothes another oncoming contraction, but she can only nod in response to his words as another scream tears from the back of her throat.

EIGHT YEARS OF AGE

"Rina, we're not supposed to go over there! Come back!" Phaedra Lillian stomps her tiny eight year old foot, her small hands balled into fists of fury before she scrambles after her cousin when she climbs into her neighbor's yard. Old Man Warwick does not like children and Phaedra and her parents have lived next to the old man for as long as she can remember - as far back as her memories can go. Marina knows they're not allowed in Old Man Warwick's yard, yet her cousin has always been... obtuse when it comes to following the rules. She stands out in a crowd, does as she pleases and at seven and a half years old - exactly six months younger than Phaedra to the day, she acts like she's twelve going on twenty.

"You're going to get us in so much trouble and I'm going to be grounded again!" Phae adds, her tiny hand tugging on Marina's ribbon in her hair, drawing the knot loose. She's been grounded three times this year alone and Phaedra has a feeling it's because her mother simply doesn't like her, but her eight year old brain has no idea how to comprehend the idea of her mother not loving her. Her cousin is quick to lift a hand to her mouth, pressing her dirty index finger to her lips and shushing her as quickly as the ribbon is taken away with the gust of wind, effectively stopping her train of thought.

"Stop being a poopy pants. He's not even home. He's probably dead in his bed or something, Phae, so come on. Or are you scared?" Marina challenges her cousin, causing Phaedra to square her shoulders and ball her hands once again before she's stalking past her cousin and making her way toward the cobblestone walkway leading up to Old Man Warwick's porch. They've just stepped onto the stoop when the front door creaks open and Old Man Warwick steps out, raising his cane and yelling at the both of them to get off his porch. Phaedra screams, Marina stumbles backwards and after Old Man Warwick's proch catches on fire in their wake, nobody comes to question the cousins because it was a freak accident. It had been awfully hot that summer day and Old Man Warwick hadn't paid attention to the dry, rotting wood as it spent years baking in the sun.

TWELVE YEARS OF AGE

Her mother is working another night shift at the hospital and Phaedra takes this time to crawl into her father's bed, snuggling up beside him because the wind is howling so loud as the blizzard rushes in, she can't sleep. "Papa?" Phaedra's voice is quiet, barely audible over the rush of wind as she settles down next to her father's frame, hugging her stuffed turtle close to her chest. Isaiah, she'd named him, after Maxwell Peterson had gifted her with it for Valentines' Day the year prior. They'd dated for a week before breaking up, but Phaedra had held on to stuffed Isaiah because he kept the monsters at bay.

"What is it, baby?" Phaedra turn her head and nuzzles her face against her father's chest as his strong arms come around her. "Why doesn't mama love me?" She sounds much younger than her twelve year old self in that moment, her finger stroking over the soft shell on Isaiah's back. Her father's arms squeeze tighter and Phaedra squeezes her eyes shut tighter. "Sweetheart, your mother loves you." His voice is a deep vibration against her ear; calming, in a way. "Why are you questioning it?" He adds, brushing a light kiss over his daughter's forehead. "She looks at me funny. Whenever... She never let's me hug her and the only time she comes near me is to brush my hair in the morning. And she's always reading her Bible. Am I not a good daughter, daddy? I'll do better in school, I promise I will!" Phaedra sobs into her father's chest, becoming hysterical the longer she speaks, because these are thoughts that have been plaguing her for some time and only now has she been able to voice them.

He shushes her, holding her closer to his chest. "You're perfect, sweetheart. Your mama is just under some stress at work, but I swear she loves you." Phaedra sniffs, presses her face closer to her father's chest and the only other sound between them is her father's voice humming her favorite lullaby.

SIXTEEN YEARS OF AGE

They're arguing again.

It's the seventh time in four days.

Not that she's been keeping count or anything. Phaedra shoves the butt of the cigarette between her lips. Rustling behind her tears her gaze from the ground below her. She knows she won't die if she falls; it happened when she was eleven and all she'd ended up with was a few bumps and bruises. How she hadn't ended up dead was inexplicable, really, but Phaedra had done a lot of things over the course of her life which remained unexplained.

"You're hiding out here again?" Her cousin's voice is sinful and it's no wonder why she's got half of the football team wrapped around her fingers. "Where else would I be?" Phaedra quieries, raising her brow at Marina as the pale young teenager crawls out the bedroom window to join her on the roof. "They fighting again?" Phaedra nods before passing the cigarette to her cousin, watching her take a drag of the smoke and hand it back.

"Wanna go fuck with Tina and her misfits?" Marina bumps her shoulder against Phaedra's, causing a gentle smile to tug over her lips. "I'm really not in the mood, Rina." Instead of fucking with Tina for the umpteenth time this week, she'd rather wallow in her own self pity because her parents refuse to stop arguing about her.

"Come on, Phae. I hate seeing you like this. I feel like I'm the lucky one because my mom's been dead all these years and my dad pretty much keeps to himself, so I never have to deal with this shit." Her cousin waves a hand behind her, motioning toward the darkness of Phaedra's room and the raised voices beyond her closed door.

Her teeth clench for a long moment before Phaedra flicks the smoke from her fingers and over the side of the roof. "Alright, let's go." She agrees after several long minutes. Standing, she takes Rina's hand and instead of crawling back through her bedroom, they jump from the roof - and float to the ground as if there's not several feet between the ground and the rooftop.

NINETEEN YEARS OF AGE

Her cheek stings where her mother's hand meets her flesh, her own rising to cup the reddened flesh - shock shifting over her features. "I want you out of this house and don't you dare think about coming back here!"

Tears burn her wide eyes, her gaze jumping back and forth between her parents - her father's head hanging in shame, her mother's eyes blazing. It wasn't her fault Old Man Warwick's house finally burned to the ground, taking the old man with it. It wasn't her fault there was a memorial service being held for a crotchety old man who'd once served in the Army, making him some renowned veteran, yet her mother was convinced. Her mother was convinced she'd killed him.

"But mom, I--"

"Sweetheart, I'll talk to your mother. Just go. Stay with Marina until we figure this out."

Her father is actually siding with her.

Her!

Fuming, Phaedra takes ten minutes to pack what she needs, storming out of her childhood home and leaving a path of scorched items in her wake. Learning her family possessed magic had been shocking; learning she and her cousin could manipulate fire as they wished? Rina had been the one to burn down Old Man Warwick's house, not Phaedra, yet her mother was convinced she was this evil person who could willingly take a man's life without batting a lash over it.

"Marina! Get your ass out here right now!" Her cheek still burns and her cousin comes flying out of the house, half dressed, breasts hanging out of her shirt, some drummer from a local band stumbling out after her. "What's the big rush, Phae?"

"I hate you!" Phaedra screams at her cousin before she's slapping her in the same manner her own mother had slapped her. "What the hell, Phae?!" Marina pushes at her cousin, but instead of pushing her back, Phaedra wraps her cousin up in a hug as the tears blur her vision.

"She hates me, Rina. She truly hates me and she thinks it's all my fault." Phaedra whispers, clinging tight to her cousin, the only family she even feels as though she has anymore. Marina holds her tighter, tells Justin he has to leave before dragging her cousin inside of the house that'd been her own since her father had walked out on her five years ago.

TWENTY-THREE YEARS OF AGE

"Knock it the hell off, Rina, or I swear to God!"

Her small hand pounds on the wall between her room and Rina's, shaking her head as her cousin's laughter spills through the thin walls. They'd moved to the city three years ago after Phaedra's own parents had kicked her out and told her to never return. She writes to her father occasionally, but other than that, she hasn't heard anything from them and for all she knows, they could be dead as she hasn't received a response from any of the letters she's written.

Glancing sideways at Isaiah sitting proudly on her pillow, the tiny redhead picks him up from the pillow and places him on her lap. "Looks like it's just you and me old boy," she sighs softly. Lifting her gaze, she stares at the unlit candles upon her vanity - finally shutting out the rough sounds of her cousin's fucking on the other side of the wall.

Flames flicker to the life; yellow and orange firelight dancing to the beat of her heart.

#ch: phaedra thomas #hc: phaedra thomas

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bluebookbadger-blog · 7 years ago

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The Price of a Life - Chapter 12

Title: The Price of a Life Fandom (s): Fullmetal Alchemist/Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood Summary: I always thought waking up in another world would be a lot more…interesting. At least slightly exciting and terrifying, but it really wasn’t. It was more of a sudden and underwhelming event, that landed me in the company of fiction and its ignorance to modern physics. I thought it was a dream. Boy was I wrong. Characters: SI/OC, Maes Hughes, Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, etc. Rating: PG-13

The next week sped by in a blur, every little inconvenience bringing tears to my eyes. I literally cried over spilled milk. Twice. But, despite the heavy cloud hanging over my head, I had made some headway in my plans. With Gracia, I visited the bank, and relearned the process of making a withdrawal, the banking system quite similar to the one back in my world.

However, on Friday, when I was officially declared well enough to be without crutches and had my stitches removed, was the day of Miss. Reich's funeral. The wake would be held in a funeral home on the other side of the local cemetery.

I didn't tell Camilla or Gracia where I was going, but from my black dress that the Fuhrer had given me and the thin shawl over my shoulders, they could have easily guessed.

The walk felt much longer than it had previously, the hot sun making the stiff black clothes unbearable. My mind drifted to the idea of the wake. Would there be a priest? Would there be a lot of family there? Would I even be allowed to attend? I thought about the last funeral I had attended in my world.

It had been for the old German spinster who lived across the street from us. Me and my siblings always called her Omama. She was strict and would always yell at us for trampling her tulips or letting the chickens free range on her lawn, but the old woman had a softer side.

We would go over to her houseafter finishing our school work to eat some of her famous spritzkuchen, which were like doughnuts. She would help us with our Latin homework, or at least she tried to, her explanations wandering into German. Omama was single, and was the youngest in her family that came to America. All of her siblings had died, and despite her snappiness and angry grumbles, our family had become hers.

My mother had known her when she was younger, and even then my mother would bring her boyfriend of the month over and eat popcorn and watch a movie. Afterwards Omama would take one last look at the guy, and tell my mom he wasn't the right one. My dad was one of those guys, but I think that was the only time Omama was ever wrong about something. Or at least the only time that I know of.

Her funeral had been about a year before I left my world. It was unexpected, or at least as unexpected as the death of a 104 year old woman living alone could be. Ironically, I wasn't even that sad. All I could think about at the wake was all the New Year's Eves spent huddled around her little tube television with a mouthful of popcorn, and all the times she threatened to cook up one of the chickens for eating her tomato garden.

But this wake was going to be very different, judging by Hughes' funeral. It would most likely be curt, professional, and silent. Though I still blamed myself for what happened, some of those self loathing feelings had ebbed. Perhaps she and Albert were destined to die. Maybe someone else had died, somewhere far away, and maybe their death's were simple coincidence.

Somewhere my subconscious dismissed those thoughts as wishful thinking, but they gave me some relief from the weight on my conscience.

The funeral home was small, with vines growing up the brick and mortar sides. There were a few cars and buggies parked haphazardly on the road in front of it. I was frozen standing at the steps, the questions returning.

Just as I was about to turn away, social anxiety clawing at my insides to go back to the apartment, the door creaked open. A man stepped out, a freshly lit cigar between his lips. He wore a top hat and suit reminiscent of one you would imagine in a Jane Austen novel. He had dark hair, by evidence of his twitching black mustache. His eyes stood out the most: bright, clear, blue eyes. Blue eyes that were staring at me.

The man blew a puff of smoke, motioning with the cigar in his hand.

"Ye can go in y'know," The man said, his accent strange compared to the clear and enunciated speech of most Amestrians to which I had spoken. Now that I thought about it, Amestris had almost no variety of dialects, at least not in Central. I suppressed a smile, recalling my cousin Morgan's conclusion that, 'You Nutmeggers have an accent - the accent of not having a damn accent' the same could be said about Central. No slurred consonants, emphasized vowels, or abbreviated words - they spoke as if they were reading from a dictionary.

"Hey, ye okay lass?" The man's gruff voice stirred me from the brief moment of thought. I nodded numbly, all of my fears and sorrow regarding the wake dissipated. I had attended at least a hundred funerals in my time (related to old age and illness, though I believe there may have been a car crash or two in my extended family at some point). This one would be no different. This would be executed with the same solemn, collected, finality that Hughes' funeral had, and I would be just fine with that.

I stepped inside the quaint building, greeted by the homey, slightly smokey scent of the funeral home. Seeing a guest, book, I approached and read the names.

Reich...Reich...Reich...

All family, except for me. I scribbled my cursive name and followed the faint sounds of voices. Everything was strangely muted, my own breathing and uneven steps muffled by the carpeted floor and atmosphere of the hallway. I soon found a small room filled with people who stood in groups of three or four, mumbling quietly to each other.

Suddenly feeling unwelcome, I turned to leave but found my feet unwilling. I had to go in there.

I took a deep breath, and took a few steps into the room. No one even noticed me.

'Finally,' I thought, maneuvering between groups. 'My wish to become invisible had been granted,' At last I was beside the raised casket, the top portioned opened to reveal the body inside. I swallowed a lump in my throat at the sight of her. She looked so peaceful, as if she were asleep, but her stillness was too unnatural and broke the illusion.

Unlike the wakes I had attended previously, there was no kneeler for me to say a few prayers on, not that I was capable of doing so without rekindling the pain in my side. I stood there quietly for a moment, my hands folded before myself for a few whispered prayers. When I finished, I felt the urge to turn and run, before the crowds noticed my presence.

Stronger than that urge was the habit of tradition. I brought my hands to my neck and undid the clasp of my mother's golden necklace, the attached rosary and earring clinking quietly as I lifted it from my chest and laid it in the coffin beside Mrs. Reich.

It was a tradition of my family to put a small token of oneself in the coffin. Some caskets would be stuffed with books and wine glasses, other bedazzled with jewelry and small statues. I considered Mrs. Reich to be one of the few people I knew as family in this world, so the gift was justified. Keeping my eyes trained on the ground, I weaved my way back to hallway.

Stepping softly back into the warmth of the city, but the bright sunlight seemed colder now. I was not going to sit through the funeral, however brief it may have been, just to be alone in a crowd.

Back at the apartment, all was quiet. It seemed the Grace, Camila, and Elicia had gone out for the day, leaving me to my schemes. I limped to my bedroom, exhausted by the long walk. Stripping off the dress, I threw on a loose blouse and some comfortable pants before getting to work. I changed the sheets on my bed, neatly folding every corner, before emptying every drawer and packing it into the bag I had been given.

Once satisfied with my choice in attire, I closed the bag and hefted it onto my shoulder and exited the room. I stood in the hallway for a moment, wondering what I was doing before shaking myself from the doubts and heading to the door.

Quickly placing on the table a previously composed note expressing my wishes to leave, I left the apartment. I moved robotically, I can barely remember even leaving the apartment. My thoughts were elsewhere, wandering the expanse of my life that had led to this cowardice.

That's right, I was a coward. I was just running away from these people and this place. And I was just fine with that. I wasn't even supposed to be here, let alone involve myself in the lives of the people here. It wasn't my place to play God and decide who lived and died, and as of late, I no longer had any power in such matters. And that was okay.

I continued walking until I found the bank, keeping my eyes low as I withdrew some money from my account, receiving hostile glares and suspicion from the teller. I then realized I wasn't wearing a hat, and that I must have appeared mightily foreign to the teller. I didn't care. They couldn't get me arrested for taking money from my account. Well, maybe they could call the police, but what harm would that do? I gathered up the cenz and paper money and threw it into my bag before strutting arrogantly from the bank. I didn't care what they thought.

Night was falling as I made my way farther from the center of the city, the dilapidated flats and closed store buildings becoming more sinister as darkness fell. The lights here were not electric, and it seemed only a few had been lit out of necessity. The exhaustion from the day was making me weary, but the dark alleys and the less than pleasant looking residents of the slum were enough to keep me from lying down in a side street to rest. Still, I needed somewhere to sleep for the night, and I wasn't about to risk any of the parasites or diseases that lurked in the apartment buildings.

So I continued walking towards my destination. I was tired, yes, but fear is a damn good motivator. And currently, I was quite afraid. Afraid of the man who has been walking behind me for a few blocks now, afraid of the prospect of sleeping in some alleyway, afraid of sleeping without a weapon - there was plenty to fear on a night like that.

The man following me was my greatest concern in that moment, his dark silhouette barely illuminated by the flickering streetlamps. I had walked around a block a few times to make sure I wasn't being paranoid, but the figure was definitely stalking me.

It was unnerving, especially considering the only weapon I had was probably in a plastic evidence bag somewhere in Central Command. I guess I could have grabbed a kitchen knife, but it would be too awkward to carry around, and butcher's knives didn't have a handle to keep you from cutting yourself if your hand slid forward. I had no other choice except to keep moving. I could sleep when I inevitably died.

The footsteps disappeared into one of the dilapidated buildings, but my anxiety did not let up.

The slums gave way to the outer ring of the city, populated by the tents and shacks of the homeless. A few fires burned here, the only source of light in the dreary landscape. Most of these fires were encircled by cloaked figures, their tired red eyes trained on the flames and their dark lips speaking in hushed whispers. I kept to the path, but avoided these areas. I may have trusted them in the day, but night made it difficult to discern friend from foe. I doubted even my likeness to the Ishvalans would grant me automatic acceptance in these dark outer limits of the city.

The pathway I walked on was raised above the haphazardly constructed shacks, which sat in low ditches carved into the sandy earth. The path would branch into grids that outlined the square ditches. I imagine that it must have looked like some complex computer chip from the air, with the scrap metal rooves reflecting the silver light of the stars and the fires pin pricks of gold.

I continued walking until I came upon an abandoned fire, the red embers still giving off enough light to be seen from my distance. I began walking towards the dim light, the secondary pathway narrow and ill defined from its surrounding ditches. I somehow managed to maneuver through the maze of pathways without falling down the steep incline to the shanties below. The people who huddled around the fires watched me with unblinking eyes. I could not tell if curiosity or wariness was the cause of their stares, so I avoided meeting their crimson gazes.

I kept my own maroon eyes fixated on the nearing embers. This ditch was slightly larger than the surrounding campsites, but the hovels were more numerous and smaller. I cautiously slid down the incline, the gravel and sand scraping my hands as gravity pulled me down. All was quiet, with the exception of the muffled crackle of the embers. The faint glow revealed several sleeping forms, and I had to push away the urge to continue walking. I needed to rest for a little while, and the chill of the autumn air was numbing my hands.

Stepping gingerly over the slumbering beings, I crouched by the embers and tried to warm my hands. Using a nearby charcoaled stick, I stirred them to life, and reveled in the heat they gave off. The flickering lights illuminated the sleeping forms to reveal children, who huddled together for warmth. It pulled at my heart strings, seeing their thin shivering forms wrapped in rags. Some bore pale scars on their dark skin, evidence of the cruelty such small children had already endured.

I counted them, noting that there was no one in the huts. In total, I could make out at least sixteen children. I wondered where their parents where for a moment, before the memory of the war resurfaced and I once more felt intense pity for the children. Homeless orphans, from my best guess. I shrugged off my jacket and laid it over a boy who wore only a pair of tattered shorts.

Using my bag as a pillow, I laid my head down and looked at the stars. I could never properly see them in the city, where the glaring lights obscured them from view. Here, however, they were bright and clear, sharply defined against the inky indigo abyss of space. They were not familiar at all. No Ursa Major or Andromeda were visible, the scattered lights uncoordinated with any familiar constellations. Another reminder of how out of place I was. Another reminder of this alien world.

At some point in the night I had drifted off, but only briefly, as the first grey lights of the morning sun startled me awake. Well, more than the light, the rumble of engines woke me. The children from the night before were gone, their shabby blankets missing and the only evidence of their existence being the footprints in the sand. My eyes followed the prints to find that they led to the shacks. Before I could investigate further, a truck rolled to a stop above me.

"Hey!" A voice called, a young Ishvalan waving to me. "You want work?" I thought for a moment. Did I want to go on that truck to who knows where for possible 'work' which could be less than desirable? Not really. Did I want to stay here and wait to be confronted and forced to go somewhere else? No. Creepy truck it was!

I nodded, and picked up me bag.

"You won't be needin' that," The man said, motioning to my satchel. I looked at the huts and sighed. Hopefully the children would know better than to rifle through my things. I walked to the nearest shack and placed my things just inside the 'door' which was no more than a sheet of ragged fabric. I took a quick inventory of my clothes, the pants and loose shirt concealing anything that might dissuade a job offer that involved intense physical labor. My boots would hopefully have enough support to keep my ankles from giving out if this 'work' involved being on my feet all day. It was harvest season after all, and the only land outside of the city that was not modified Hoovervilles was farmland from the looks of it.

I scrambled up the incline to the road, where the truck was waiting. I hopped up onto the bed of the truck where the Ishvalan man clapped a hand on my back.

"So, you're new 'round here I'm guessing," He said with a chuckle as the vehicle roared to life and began sputtering down the narrow path away from the city.

"Yes," I responded quietly, hoping not to sound foreign to the man. "What kind of work are we doing?" I asked softly as the truck slowed to a stop, more Ishvalans boarding the truck. Most were young men, strong and shirtless, but a few women boarded as well, their silver locks tied up in braids to be kept out of their faces.

"The Meyer Farm, nice folks, nothin' you need to worry about," He said, moving over as more people crowded the truck bed. "The work's hard though, sure you up for it? You look a little pale," I ducked my head, forgetting that I had no hat to hide my features, which must have been quite conspicuous even in the dim morning light.

"I can handle it," I responded firmly, though I did not meet his eyes. Perhaps I could handle it, perhaps I could not. My hip was quite sore from the long walk the other day, but the pain was manageable compared to the pain when I first received the injury.

The truck continued its stop and go until we reached the edge of the shantytown and the dry sandy earth faded into ranch land. The man spoke with the other riders in a language I did not recognize, at least from the series, which made me nervous. Perhaps I should have stayed with Gracia.

The vehicle thundered to a stop, shaking my worried from my mind as the people got off the truck and immediately set to work. We had stopped at a small farm house, the faded blue paint peeling to reveal the half rotted wood beneath. I followed the crowd, realizing more trucks full of people where off loading their cargo. I followed the man who had invited me, his broad shoulders cutting a pathway in the crowd for me to follow behind him.

I avoided meeting the prying eyes of the other workers, and focused on the man in front of me. He was young, in his mid twenties at most. But scars where raked across his left shoulder, a peppering of bullets that could have killed had they been a few inches lower. I swallowed involuntarily, looking away from the scar tissue. I kept forgetting that these people lived through a war.

Tailing the man, I collected several baskets, each about half a meter in diameter and in depth.

"What are we picking?" I finally asked as we boarded another truck.

"So he can speak!" Exclaimed one of other workers above the engine, an older man with a neatly combed ashen beard. I gave a nervous smile as they gave a small laugh of amusement at my meek demeanor. "It's sugar beet season son,"

"It's Harvest Day, the boss expects frost tonight. Wouldn't be surprised if we're picking greens today," The man I had followed responded, I listening intently. I had picked sugar beets when I worked on Mr. Solosky's farm back home, but I preferred picking greens. Parsley, basil, cilantro, dill, watercress - Solosky's was mainly a bean farm, but we had small fields of greens where most of the girls worked, simply because it was not as labor intense as corn and cucumber harvesting.

"Naw, there won't be frost, my knee isn't aching like it would if there be frost on the way," The older man replied, patting a knee that was barely held together with sinew and stringy muscle. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from asking why there was no automail to facilitate his walking, which must have been impeded by the war injury.

I looked over the edge of the truck, avoiding the current debate over the connection of body aches and weather predictions. The neat rows of vegetables and vine plants spanned much farther than I had ever worked. Where I normally picked 100 yard rows of tomatoes, there was at least a mile of squash and gourd plants. The other side of the road was lined with golden wheat fields that shivered in the wind.

A small smile tugged at my lips as I reminiscence my own time on a farm. Sure the days were long, the sun was hot, and tomato plant tar never came out, but it paid well, and it was a pretty good learning experience. I had to manage small ragtag teams of workers that varied day to day and coordinate with the boss on what and where and when tasks could be completed. Working the register at markets was the customer service facet of the job, laced with irrational demands and crying, impatient children.

This work seemed different though. It seemed as if today would be filled with more monotonous, repetitive picking and less human interactions, which I was completely fine with. I still was not quite ready to throw myself back into the lives of complete strangers, not yet at least.

The truck rumbled to a stop, and I lifted my head to see an endless sea of green rows. The man whom I would be tailing for the day, I am going to start calling him...Roger, because I know it would be rude to ask an Ishvalan their name for their religious reason and whatnot, beckoned me to follow him. I eagerly kept pace with him as he led me to a row of plants that had the faintest scent of beeswax and freshly cut grass - watercress.

Roger plucked some from the moist earth, the morning dew not yet evaporated.

"Pick it just like this," He said, demonstrating the roots still clotted with earth. He then threw it into the basket, and met my eyes for a moment. "Can you do that?" I nodded and set to work, using both hands to grab handfuls of the herb at a time. Roger walked away, satisfied with my pace and began on his own row.

I was wrapped in nostalgia as I worked, the rhythm to the labor setting in as time drew on and the sun grew hotter. I was falling behind, and it began to irk me as Roger passed me despite starting long after I had begun. For a little while I drove myself harder, trying to work fast enough to keep up with the others, but quickly gave up and returned to my previous pace. I was going to burn myself out trying to work any faster than I already was.

My mind wandered in the simmering heat, the sun seemingly too hot for the chill I had felt just hours ago. I worried about being paid, but could not really care for the money. So long as the Ishvalans didn't kick me out of the little camp, I could make due with sleeping under the strange stars.

Wiping some sweat from my brow without looking up, I thought about the children I had stumbled upon. A worry gnawed inside me that they had gone through my belongings, ripped up my Certificate of Honorary Whatnot, and had spent what little money I had on candy. I was swift to dismiss the thought. I could have some faith in them. Until they proved me wrong.

The sun was high in the sky when I finally noticed why I was so much slower than the other workers. Where I picked all six independent rows of Watercress, they went down one side of their row, collecting only half so as to get the rest on the return trip. I looked down the row, seeing that a small gathering was taking place with the truck. All of the workers had completed their half a row.

I assumed they were resting, the shade from the many trees that bordered the field. I licked my lips, realizing how thirsty I was, but quickly went back to the task at hand. I could drink when I finished, and it would take too much time to walk all the way down there just to drink. And so I kept working, my hands black with fertile earth and blistering from the rough handles of the basket.

Memories of Mr. Solosky's farm returned as I found my rhythm again and got back to work.

I could feel the weight of my jeans as I weaved my way through patches of weeds taller than I was to find the last few rows of wax beans, heavy with fruit and hidden from man and beast alike. Anya, Mr. Soloksy's daughter, in her ankle length skirt and flattering t-shirt hard at work in the wash station with piles of sweet potatoes in the sinks. Vitaly and Vladimir would always joke about who would win my sister's heart, only to be shocked by Mary's disinterest in men, and marriage in general. I found myself smiling at the memory of my meek, shy older sibling coming to Harvest Day bonfire with her first, and admittedly only ever, girlfriend.

It took some time for Roger's voice to register, the hum of my own heartbeat and breathing lulling my into a trance-like state of dogged work.

"Kid, 'ey, you all right?" I looked up, sweat beading on my eyelashes making it difficult to focus on the identity of the speaker. I rubbed my face with my elbow, the sleeve of the blouse coarse against my skin. I met Roger's worried red eyes and nodded confidently. He gave an unconvinced smile and handed me a canteen that looked as if it had fallen out of a WWII movie. "We all gotta drink, don't over work yourself,"

I took the canteen and drank, the water cold and refreshing. I'm not sure if everyone can relate, but I took those long, deep, gulping mouthfuls of water you take when you're in a hurry or have just eaten a ghost pepper sandwich. Smiling sheepishly, I handed the now empty canteen back to the man. Looking around, I realized that an entire crowd of workers were standing behind him. Some watched the exchange intently, others sat in the green grass and talked amongst themselves. I had finished my row entirely.

It took a great amount of effort to keep from throwing my arms in the air and flopping down in the tall grass and taking a victory nap. Instead, I shuffled the heavy basket onto the grass and carefully lowered myself to the ground, knowing the hypnosis of work would fade away, leaving pain and aches behind. At least Roger seemed amused. He, with one hand, easily hefted the near full basket onto the bed of the truck, which had acquired a few barrels of water since I last saw it.

"Well, take a rest for now, you deserve it kid," I took his words to heart, but merely nodded and watched the other workers.

Men and women mingled, but none were treated with disrespect. If anything, the people seemed to have some sort of reverence for each other. The older one was, the more respect they commanded, the deeper the nods, the longer the conversation. It was pretty darn strange to me for some reason, which made watching them as I relaxed for a few moments even stranger.

Most of them did not sit down, only the elders took such a privilege. Those who stood did not stand still, they shifted their weight from foot to foot, as if they were still in the fields working to the rhythm of some unsung song. Their respect seemed so unnatural compared to what I had seen in my own world, making me feel somewhat guilty for my place in the grass. But I couldn't have gotten up if I wanted to.

My hip throbbed as though a separate heart had been transplanted there, hot blood rushing through my veins. I must affirm that it was not close to as painful as when I first received it, but Lord almighty did it hurt. I took a moment to pray it was not infected before watching the people again.

Suddenly, they began walking back to their half finished rows. Perhaps the sun had shifted a little or the air had cooled a degree or two to notify them that they all should get back to work, but I could not detect it. Roger walked up to me, and offered me a hand.

"Back to work, brother," He said softly, I doing my best to hide my faltering steps from him. "You can help the Brother," Roger pointed at the old man with the crooked knee, who struggled to stand. I had to resist lifting an eyebrow. The Brother made it sound as if...I answered my own question, realizing most of the monks would have been killed in Ishval, and the probability that this man was the only monk who worked here would make sense.

Roger gave a stiff clap on my shoulder, urging me to go help the man. I glanced back to see he had already traveled back to his own half finished row and had resumed work. I walked over and held out a hand to the Brother, who looked up at me with eyes that sparkled with laughter.

"Child, I have not lost myself quite yet," The man shakily stood, and I felt anxious at the sight of his trembling hands. I could almost see him collapsing into a pile of ash, his fragility disclosed as he regained the strength to take a step. However, once he gained some momentum, the Brother and I shuffled along at a brisk pace to the end of the half picked row.

It took me a moment, but I found the task of carrying the basket to be sufficient in aiding our almost agonizingly slow pace. We trailed behind all other workers, not because we were doing twice as much more, but because it took twice as much time for the stiff, shaking hands of the elder to gather up the greens. It was quite annoying to be honest.

I think those few hours, of just wanting to move a little faster for the sake of finshing the task and getting on to the next really tried my patience. I realize that he was old, and frail, and his age was to be respected, but I came from a world of high speed internet and online shopping. I felt a little entitles to immediate reward, in other words, an empty row behind us. But there was nothing I could do but hold the basket and walking behind him, watching the workers become more and more distant.

I held the basket in my arms, its weight growing with every plant the man added, but I could not complain. Clouds had overcome the sky, blocking the sun from sight. They brought with them a cool, dry wind that smelled of distant apple orchards. This was much more comfortable to work in compared to the blazing heat, but that itch of impatience still compelled me to constantly judge the distance between us and the next hill crest that would let me view the end of the row.

The sun was beginning to dip towards the horizon as we finished, the other workers patiently loading their baskets onto the cargo wagon and standing quietly by the truck. With the final plant of the row plucked from its dusty niche, I hefted the basket around the man and headed for the cargo wagon, which was drawn by a thin mule behind the truck. I nestled it among the countless others, which were carefully balanced in a neat pyramid.

I trudged back to the truck, where the Brother and the workers had already clambered onto its bed. I yawned as Roger helped me up, his hands covered with dirt and slick with sweat. He chuckled at my sleepiness.

"Long day?" I nodded, my back and feet sore and my still healing wound now aching with pain. He gave a half smile and ruffled my hair, the action gaining him a cross look from myself. That right was still reserved for Gracia, and now my hair was dirty and I had nowhere to shower.

The realization then dawned on me - I had no shower. Roger must have observed my face contort with terror at the thought. I was no germophobe, but I needed to shower at least every other day to keep my tangled mane from becoming a feral mass of matted hair. The idea left a sour feeling in my stomach. Perhaps I couldn't move away from Gracia quite yet.

The truck stopped at the farmhouse, and we all sort of staggered off the vehicle best we could and headed to the following mule drawn cart to offload the greens to the safety of the storage sheds. I somehow managed to drag a basket of what appeared to be Romaine lettuce to the shed, a meager contribution compared to the two or three baskets most of the workers carried at a time.

I could not have cared less at that moment. You probably can related to the bone tiredness of pure exhaustion that had glazed over my eyes and sunk into my bones as I sat there being useless while the other workers gathered around the farmhouse porch. Somewhere in my mind I had an inkling that they were being paid, and that I would not get my share if I didn't crawl over there, but the aching of my joints and the throb in my side kept me still.

I had money, and so long as I was welcome in the Ishvalan slums I would not need to spend any of it anytime soon. Well, if my money was still there when I got back. After what seemed like forever the crowd of people shuffled back to their respective mode of transport, Roger climbing up onto the truck and helping the Brother up before coming to sit beside me.

"You didn't get your money," I nodded, the swirling reds and violets of the sunset mesmerizing. "I would have brought it to you, but Mr. Meyers doesn't even know you work for him, not yet," I nodded again.

"Not all of us rely on money for pleasure, child," The old man spoke up, watching Roger with half lidded eyes, "To be close to Ishvala by working with the earth is all some need to find true happiness," Roger bowed his head, a student corrected by the teacher.

"But all of us need money to buy food," I said quietly, looking at the Brother to see his response. The Ishvalan religion had always intrigued me in its ambiguity. The only points made clear about its teachings were that names were considered sacred, and alchemy was strictly forbidden as it was arrogant and perverse in its nature.

"And should not our brothers provide for us?" The Brother asked in response. I was too tired to process the words then, but in retrospective this question was probably a bit of a test for me after I challenged his words.

"One cannot depend on others to provide for you, you must toil for your wheat, and share the excess it with others, that they may plant fields of their own, until all are satisfied," I said, trying to put together a cohesive sentence from the foggy catacombs of church catechisms and Sunday homilies.

"And why don't you share all of your wheat with others?" I gave him a hard stare. We were all tired, it was getting dark, the truck had only one headlight and he wanted to go all Socratic Method right this second?

"I don't know," I said with a sigh, "Probably 'cause you gotta make some bread to eat so that you don't drop dead," This roused a small laugh in the Brother.

"True, my child, quite true," The truck thundered to a stop, I for the first time realizing I was at the camp where the children sat around the fire. I shakily climbed down off the truck, squinting up at the dark figures still left.

"I'll see you guys, have a good night," I bade with another yawn, skidding down the embankment. The children around the fire parted for me, my unopened bag holding a place for me.

It unnerved me a little, the circle of kids sitting around a fire just waiting for me to get off the truck and join them, like some dark cult awaiting the sacrificial lamb. The small boy who now wore my jacket scooted closer to me, eyes alight with curiosity. One of the older children, a young girl who must have been nearing her teens finally spoke up.

"We didn't go through your things, sir," Her voice trembled slightly, but her red eyed stare met me with unexpected intensity. "But where are you from?" The other children began to speak up, questions rising cacophony.

"Where did you come from?"

"How did you afford this coat?"

"Why are you here?"

"Who are you?" That last question hung in the air a moment longer than the other, the child who spoke it recognizing the taboo of its answer. I could only look out tiredly, sleep calling me. I could not help but answer all of them, the routine of my introduction coming reflexively in my exhausted state.

"I'm from Drachma but I have an honorary citizenship, I had a job in the city that paid well, but I lost it, I'm here to work on the farm, and my name is Irish," I said, laying down in the sandy earth. My bag was under my neck, the support easing my aching spine.

I could hear the new questions arise, but the words escaping me. A deep voice commanded silence, and all fell quiet. As curious as I was to its source, I dared not sit up. My hip felt as though the bones were chafing away at each other, and any movement only worsened the damage.

I stared up at the dark sky, the stars blurring as I fought to look up at the beauty for a few moments longer. For a second I thought I glimpsed a familiar belt of stars, but they disappeared as I drifted into unconsciousness.

Masterlist

#fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #si/oc #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #bbb writes #bbb #bluebookbadger

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